In this episode of MarieTV, we do have some adult language. So if you do have little ones around, grab your headphones now.
Hey, it’s Marie Forleo, and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And this is our MarieTV Call In Show, because we call out to some of you guys to take your questions live, and have a good time. If you don’t know this handsome gentleman right here, this is Gregory Patterson.
See? This is why we love him. Not only is Greg one of my dear friends, but he’s also responsible for beautifying the hair.
I love when when we look in the TV and try to figure out which curl to fix.
Yeah, cuz it has a life of its own. Anyhoo, we are really excited to get started today, and thank you so much for watching. So let’s dive in with our first caller.
Hello. Is this Marie?
Yes it is. Is this Marie?
Hi. It’s Marie Forleo. How you doing?
I’m doing good. What about you?
I’m doing great. Well, you are on live on the MarieTV live Call in Show. All of Team Forleo is here, and we are really excited to talk to you. What’s your question today?
Well, I’m an anthropologist. I specialize in the anthropology of health and indigenous studies, and I love my job. I love what I – I love my work, but I’ve been struggling with making a decision with the rest of my career. I don’t know if I should do a PhD in anthropology, or if I should pursue a dream that I’ve had since I was a little girl, to be an astronaut. I had put that dream on the back burner several years ago because I had glasses and bad vision, but now it turns out that I could get my vision corrected with laser surgery. And ever since I had my kids two years and a half ago, I’ve been kind of having this existential crisis. I don’t know what I should do with my career and my life. And it’s been really hard to make a decision.
Yeah. Well, first of all, congratulations on your child. I’m so happy that you asked this question because this is something really common. Not only that I’ve heard before, but I know people struggle with at so many different points in their lifetime. And so I want to talk to you about a couple things.
First, by the way, I just got LASIK this year, and it is the best thing ever. I know some people like, “No to the LASIK.” I am like, “Yes to the LASIK.” So whether or not you do it, I just want to tell you my experience was awesome.
Second of all, as it relates to your career and what we do in life, there’s a quote that has been attributed to Mark Twain that is one of my favorites, and I’ll paraphrase it. It’s saying that we will regret more of the things that we don’t do than the things that we do. So, when it comes to the end of our life, we’re going to look back and really regret the things that we didn’t go for, not the things that we tried. So I’m curious, Marie, does that resonate for you? That quote?
It does. And I mean, I do know that I think I will regret it later in the future if I don’t try to study to be an astronaut. If I don’t try to work towards it. At the same time, it’s a hard choice because I do have a PhD lined up for the fall, for next September. I have two great supervisors, and funding opportunities, and I do like working in anthropology a lot. I would like to be a professor. And it’s hard to put that on the side, to start studies that will take several years. And then, you know, the recruitment process to be an astronaut is extremely difficult. And out of thousands of applicants they pick two to four every year. Not every year. Every seven years. So that’s why this decision is so hard to make. The chances that I will reach my goal are slim at best, and I already do have a career that I enjoy. So that’s why it sucks.
So, a little practicality. I know I’m interrupting you, but I’m curious. You said a piece of information that I was unaware of, which is that they accept applications every seven years. Is that correct?
Yeah. So, why not go kick some major freakin’ ass in your PhD now that you have that lined up, and also start kind of setting the pieces in place so that the next round of seven years, whether that’s coming up shortly, or it’s the one after that, that you dive in and give it your best?
Well, if I want to apply, I think the next process for recruitment is in five years. I need to have at least a Bachelor’s Degree, which is three years of study plus three years of work experience to be eligible to be recruited. That means six years of work. So in theory, even for the next recruitment process, I’m already late. And working on taking science classes and doing a PhD in anthropology, while being a mother to twins. I have twin girls. You know, it’s a big investment.
Yeah. So that’s why it’s a very hard decision to make.
Okay. Even just by talking to you, I can hear in your voice, it sounds like you’re actually more committed to the PhD program than you are to the idea of being an astronaut. So I’m curious. Would you just be willing to make a choice that like, “I’m going to go kick ass in my PhD,” and it’s not that you’re, you know, disappointing yourself in this dream of being an astronaut. You’re making a proactive choice about what’s best for you right now as an adult woman. You know, this dream that you’ve had since you were small, right? Because that’s the one to be an astronaut. You had that dream, but you’d also didn’t have the life you have now, which is twin girls and a career that you keep telling us that you love.
So, what if the solution is actually about setting yourself free, and embodying the dream for your life that you have in this moment rather than one from the past?
Sure. That makes sense. I guess.
I can hear your heart break. Well, here’s the thing that I know, Marie. You continuing to go on and torture yourself is not going to do you any good. It’s not going to do your girls any good, and it’s not going to do yourself any good to go into this PhD process with one foot in your astronaut dream, and one foot in the PhD, because you’re going to torture yourself for the rest of your life. And I don’t think that’s a great place to live, and I don’t think it’s very useful.
True, and I have been juggling with the decision for several years, as I said. And it’s a hard choice to make because it’s such a big investment to change careers at this point. You know, in both cases it’s a sacrifice, so I guess you’re right. It’s just about making a decision and moving on.
Yeah. I can hear the emotion in your voice and that’s okay. Here’s the thing, Marie. Just because you’re deciding not to go after the astronaut dream right now doesn’t mean that you won’t find an opportunity, or a way, to work in that field in the future. You don’t know what’s coming over the next five, 10, 15, or 20 years as it relates to both your life, and as it relates to the sciences and how things are going to progress, the people that you could possibly meet, or where your life can take you.
So what I want to help you avoid doing is just confining yourself to a very limited idea of like what your life is going to be about, and really choose the PhD program from a place of joy, and see how, who knows? You might engage with a space program a little bit down the line.
Sure. I mean, I think it makes sense and I think it’s a good attitude to adopt. I used to not worry so much about making decisions like this, and it always worked out beautifully in the past. So,
I’ve been –
Tell me about that. Wait. Wait. I’m interrupting. Before you go on, tell me more about that.
… well, I used to kind of like ride the wave. Surf the wave, I would say. I didn’t worry too much about decisions regarding my studies or my work. And it always seemed like life was taking me where I needed to be. I would, you know, go on a trip and discover I had an interest, and then choose to take some classes following that. Then, that led me to anthropology, and then when I decided to do my Masters in anthropology, it was also kind of like an quick decision on a whim, and it turned out great for me.
You know, several of the contracts that I’ve had, that I’ve done, have also been kind of like surprise opportunities, and those worked out great. It’s been the same for my personal life, not just my professional life. It’s just ever since having kids, I’ve been more worried about the impact of my decisions. And riding the wave has been a little bit more stressful, you know? I’ve felt like I had to make more strategic choices.
So, you’ve rode the wave your entire life and it turned out beautifully. And so right now it feels like you’re just on the precipice of perhaps a new adventure that can be even more free than anything that you’ve experienced before. So I got one more question for you. Really curious. How does it feel in your body if you imagine yourself gently releasing this old idea of who you were supposed to be that you had as a little girl and embracing the fullness of your magnificent life right now? How does that feel in your body?
It’s a mix of stress, and joy, and freedom, I guess.
Does it make you excited to think about putting yourself totally into moving into this PhD program, and knowing, and trusting, and having faith in the universe that this is the next best step for you?
I don’t think I’m quite there yet.
I want to be.
And what’s stressful about this decision?
Well, it’s not stressful to start the PhD because I know I’m going to enjoy it. It’s going to be a really interesting project. What’s stressful is closing the door on the project of you know, working in sciences, and being an astronaut, because I know that it’s time sensitive. I can’t decide when I’m 55 to study to be an astronaut and go out in space. I could work in relations with the space program, and space exploration. I could always do that in various ways, but if I want to try to be an astronaut, I have to do it sooner than later.
Okay. So, just out of curiosity, what does it feel like to drop your entire career and focus 100% on going through your astronaut dream? How’s that feel in your body?
I mean, it feels exciting. I would be a little bit worried about it because I did take science classes in the past, and although I loved it, it was a lot of hard work. What worries me the most about it is the fact that I have responsibilities towards my kids and my husband now. It’s, you know, it would be a big investment. That’s what’s stressful about it, and time, and money, and effort, but I guess it would be exciting.
And, are they behind you? Is your husband behind you if you wanted to go towards the astronaut career?
Yeah. He’s … I mean, whichever option I choose.
You’re really interesting, Marie. You like being in this state of having one foot in both places because, honestly, your voice lightens up, and your energy lightens up when you’re talking about going for your big dream of being an astronaut. Just as a reflection.
If you were lying on your deathbed and looking back on your life, and your kids are healthy, and your husband was by your side, and you knew you were about to pass, what do you see behind you?
Um, I would see that I had a really cool career in anthropology, and I tried to do a lot of important work. And I would see that I didn’t go for my dream and – of being an astronaut. I would see that I had a great family and great kids and a great husband. And I had the chance to travel a lot, which I’m grateful for.
So, when you look at not going for that astronaut dream, is it a big deal? Again, you’re thinking about this as really stepping into the last day of your life on Earth.
Yeah, I think so.
You think it is a big deal that you didn’t go for it?
Okay. Now try on a different future. What if you did go for it?
Well, I might or I might not succeed, but at least I would’ve tried.
Would you be proud of yourself for trying?
Would you be okay if it didn’t work out?
Yeah, because at least I would’ve given it my all, you know.
Interesting. Really interesting. How do you feel now about moving forward? Is one more clear for you than the other?
Well, I think I do want to try to take science classes and see how it goes. And I think I do want to try to get started on the track to you know, work towards being an astronaut.
Okay. I’m cheering. I’m holding my hands up. I know you can’t see me. What is the next step that you need to take in order to make this choice of becoming an astronaut come to life?
Well, I need to call the university in my city and see which classes I have to take to be eligible to enter a program in sciences.
Okay, what’s that going to take? Like 10 minutes?
Okay. I want you to do that and then write back to us and tell us how it went.
So, I’m basically talking to a future astronaut right now, which is really, really exciting, Marie.
Let’s hope so.
Well, yeah, let’s hope so, but more importantly, let’s work towards it.
Awesome. Well, I don’t know if this was helpful for you, but I know I really enjoyed talking to you. And the one piece of advice I would give you is to really get quiet, look within yourself, and, if this is what you want to do, make the choice and stop torturing yourself with having one foot in one place and one foot in the other because you’re not doing yourself any favors. You’re certainly not getting closer to your dream of becoming an astronaut. And you’re not getting yourself on another path either. It’s the indecision in life that kills us.
True. Thank you. This has been really, really useful.
You’re so welcome. Please keep us posted after you make those calls. I’m going to ask Louise on our team if Marie wrote back, and I’m really hoping for a yes.
Okay, I will.
Awesome. Bye, darling.
Bye, have a good day.
Is this Angela?
What’s up, Angela? It’s Marie Forleo. How you doing?
Hi, Marie. How are you?
Oh, I’m so good. So you’re on our live call-in show. We’ve got Team Forleo here, and I’m really excited to see if we can help you. What’s your question today, darling?
Okay, so I have a catering business. So my business is a product where I’m always having to you know, purchase food. It’s not like a one-time thing.
And, um, I really want to stick with quality and not compromise. Where I live, I actually cater out of a really cool space. It’s a two-story art gallery. And part of the problem that I’m having now is the people that are local are looking more for price, and they don’t really care … you know, they’re not big on quality and organic and grass-fed and things like that that I really believe in.
… and, at the same time, I’m really working hard to try to get to more … I feel like their clientele will appreciate what we do.
So, I’m trying to figure out how do I not compromise, but still stay in business with the people around me … start attracting the clientele that will get what we’re doing.
Got it. So, let me just – I’m going to restate it because we have a little bit of audio challenge. So if I heard you correctly, essentially you have this catering business. The area that you’re in, you’re super-focused on high-quality, having things be organic and grass-fed. That’s really important to you, and you want to attract clientele that has those same values. And I’m assuming those are going to be much different price points as well.
So, your question is around how do you take care of the clients you have now, while also attracting the clients that you really want, which is a different clientele than you’re reaching? Is that right?
Yes, okay, awesome. So, Angela, this is something that a lot of people go through, all types of creatives, all kinds of business owners. They get started, and you know, most of us, when we’re starting any kind of business, we take any clients that we can get. That’s how we get it all rolling. That’s how you get money in the door. And then, as you start getting traction, you become a little more discerning, and you understand who your ideal clients are.
So this is a transition that you absolutely can make. I’ve seen many, many, many of our B-Schoolers do it across many different industries. So it is a game of, first of all, taking care of your existing clients and giving them so much love. The best, most enthusiastic, positive service that you possibly can, right, because we never want to lose that. That’s what you stand for.
Those are your values.
And then, at the same time, carving out both mental space and the physical space of time to set the intentions and start gently directing your business at the clients you want. Who are those ideal clients?
Once you know exactly who those ideal clients are, it is really about scheduling and relationships. So what do I mean by scheduling? Setting aside time in your calendar every single day, week, month, so you can start reaching out to those people, getting yourself in front of them in terms of conferences, making phone calls, sending emails, whatever you have to do to infiltrate the kind of market where you want to become known and where you want to become the service provider of choice.
There’s no set formula to do that. It’s always about relying on our strengths. So for example, in my career, whenever I’ve found people or looked out into the universe and said, “Wow, I really want to be associated with them, I’d like to be friends with them, I’d like to be colleagues with them,” it was always a long-term game. I would identify the very specific people, I’d pay attention to where they were going to be. I would attend those conferences. And I would just build relationships. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. So it’s about being intentional with your time, and it’s also about doing the hard work while also balancing taking care of those clients.
So, for you, I would really recommend getting very narrow and like, whether it’s a particular group of people that you’re like, “God, those are the kind of people I would love to hire me,” and start having conversations with them. If it’s about organizations you want to hire you, like picking three to five and then start following them on social media, emailing them, reaching out, seeing if you have a conversation with someone. It’s really about those – just getting the boots on the ground in terms of business building that you need to focus on. But I see this as completely possible. It’s just not going to happen overnight.
I love this. That’s great.
Do you have some people in mind? Like when you think about potential clients that you’re like, “Oh, wow, I would love them to hire us for a catering job,” are there five, 10, three people that come to mind?
Do you have relationships with them?
I have a list.
Oh, you do have a list?
I do. I do have a list, and I have been little by little like going into the city to event planner events where I know they’re at and reaching out to them. It’s just becoming a little bit of a challenge getting them to come into where I’m at because where I’m at, it’s not like Hudson, New York, or New Paltz where it’s like oh, you know, it’s a place where it’s really talked about. Even though I’m right outside of the city, it’s not a real hip and trendy place. Like if I could take the building and move it to a different location, I think things could go a lot smoother for me. So it’s more like my location is not, you know, in one of these hip and trendy places that people in the city are talking about, so that’s a little bit of my challenge.
And so, just so I’m clear, you want people to do events at that particular space?
Yes, but we also do off-premise catering too.
Okay, because that’s where I got a little bit confused because if it’s off-premise catering, it doesn’t – nobody gives a shit where the hell you are, as long as you show up for the food and it’s damn good.
Yeah, maybe I’m just focusing too much on the location instead of just on my product.
That’s right. I don’t give a shit. Like just to be honest with you, I’m someone who’s busy.
Bring us good food.
And if I was looking for a caterer, I don’t really care. You could be in a real cool space, and I would be like, “Great, girl, that’s awesome, but you know what I care about is your kale chips are dope.” I want to have that grass-fed beef and those sliders just be like on frickin’ point. I want you showing up with that quality, that great attitude. I want to make sure that I have the best nutrition, everything is organic. You could show me pictures on your phone of your gallery all day. I’d be like, “Uh huh, yeah, and where’s my damn food?”
So, stop trying to get people out to this great place, if what you really want to focus on is pleasing them. Put your attention on them and where they want you to show up, whether it’s in the city, whether it is in New Paltz, you know, wherever we want to be. But that’s what I would do if I was you. And I’ve been on your site.
And you’re gorgeous as well.
Thank you. Thank you.
I was looking at them kale chips. I’m getting hungry. It’s awesome.
Those kale chips though.
Those kale chips though.
Exactly. All this great organic food, you guys. And there’s brownies. So it’s Halo and Horns Catering. We’ll put this at the bottom, so people can come check it out. But, Angela, stop focusing on space. Start focusing on the people.
Thank you. This gave me a lot of clarity. And I want to tell you I’m a student of B-School and The Copy Cure, and you get so much value for the money. I feel like I never have to buy another thing. I just go back to one of the courses and find what I need.
I’m doing the Running Man right now. I’m doing the Running Man. You’ll see it. Angela, thank you. I had no idea. I didn’t even know that you were in our community, in our customer community, so thank you. And thank you for those words.
I’m just telling you, your stuff looks incredible.
Like really, really insane. So focus on those relationships. Turn building relationships into your full-time job when you’re not taking care of your existing customers.
Okay. Thank you so much. This helped me a lot.
You’re welcome, darling. Thank you. Bye, Angela.
Okay. Bye, bye.
Don’t cross this line.
There’s many lines that I do cross, especially with you.
Hi! Is this Chrystal?
This is Chrystal.
Hi, Chrystal. It’s Marie Forleo, and you’re live on the MarieTV call-in show. How you doing?
I am trying not to freak out. This is very exciting for me.
No, freak out. We’re going to freak out. Greg, come on, we’re freaking out.
Okay, so we just freaked out with you and for you.
Oh my God!
You can totally feel free to freak out too.
Well, I’m at my nine-to-five, so I have to keep it quiet.
Oh, you gotta keep it quiet. Okay, girl.
She’s like, “Girl, I’m gonna keep it quiet.”
I just have to say, Chrystal, your voice is like tremendous. You have an amazing voice. Just have to tell you that.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You’re welcome. So Chrystal, tell us about your question, and we’ll try and keep it together. We’ll try not to make you freak out since you’re at your nine-to-five. Talk to us.
Well, my question to you, which I’m completely honored that I would even be considered for this opportunity to speak to you, I am a chef from trade, and I have been a buyer for a food service distributor for, I don’t know, as long as I can remember, 10 years now.
And I would like to transition into something more at heart with my local community because I have this amazing island that I live on. I live in the Cayman Islands. And I live in Grand Cayman, which is the largest island in the Caribbean, the Cayman Islands Caribbean.
And my question to you: I love personal development, but I suck at follow-through. Total truth. I am currently raising three young girls and want to model success by example. Having trouble putting my great dreams of owning my own business as a restaurant and local agriculture consultant into an action plan. What action triggers do you set to get your butt up and start making it happen?
Yes. All right, well, Chrystal, great question. Thank you for everything that you shared. Just as a point of clarification, do you want to start a restaurant, like a local restaurant, and also become an agricultural consultant? Or are those two things – do you consider them one?
I want to consult restaurants.
You want to consult restaurants, okay. Great.
Okay, good. So, here’s the big message that I have for you, and this is for everyone. First of all, we’re going to put links below this episode, and I know you’re a fan of the show, but sometimes you know, we’ve talked about a lot of things over the years, and we have many episodes about follow-through. And we’re going to put those links because I want you to have those mo-fos on repeat. So that’s as a little aside. We’re going to make sure that you get that.
But the big message I want to say to you, my friend, is simplify to amplify. One of the challenges that people have when it comes to follow-through is they’re always trying to take on too many things. They’re trying to do all the things at once, and then they don’t do anything but the bare minimum to just get through life.
So for you, I’m curious, Chrystal, if there was just one thing that you felt like you could do each and every day to start bringing this dream of becoming a consultant to restaurants to life, what would it be?
I think build, meet the right – make the right relationship connections, networking.
Nice, yes. I’m going to stop you right there because that’s exactly where I was going to go with you too. Relationships, especially when it comes to this business, are everything. Question: Do you have like a hit list of people that you would want to develop relationships with locally?
I’m building it. Currently building it.
Great. How many people do you have on it right now?
I would say probably about five. I wanted to make it more like 100, I think.
So, what you could do, Chrystal, is you don’t have to wait until you have that list of 100 people.
Literally either today or tomorrow morning, you could just start making phone calls and developing those relationships. Like whoever those five people are, call them, email them, send them a DM on Instagram, send them a smoke signal, go to their house, knock on their door, whatever you need to do and say, “Hey, I’m going to take you out for some tea” or “I’d love to have some coffee.” Whatever you have to do to start getting into those conversations, do it.
The whole idea of starting before you’re ready is one of the concepts that has changed my life so drastically. Between that and simplify to amplify … so, the simplify to amplify thing is don’t try and do too much. Don’t try and build some fancy-ass website. Don’t try and get proposals together. And you know, all these different things that people do that they think that they need in order to launch a business. You don’t need that. All you need is to make an offer to someone and for someone to actually say yes. You don’t need anything besides that.
The way that you’re going to get to that place is, as you rightly said, through relationships. So don’t wait until you have 100 names. Start with the five that you got, and then keep adding names on.
For example, if I were you, I’d start knocking on those doors virtually, metaphorically, physically. The first person that you talk to, have a conversation. Ask them who else they know that they think you should talk to. Does that make sense?
Right. Yes, that makes perfect sense.
And do not let yourself overthink this. At all. That’s one of the other places that we all fall down. We overthink it. We want to get it perfect. We want to have everything together. F*** that. It is so overrated. 20 years will go by, and then you’ll be no closer than you are right now. So.
You’re so right.
Pick up that phone. The action trigger is literally like, “I have to make these five phone calls today.” And that’s your – that’s the big thing for you to do for the day. And the next day, next five phone calls. Next day, next five phone calls. Don’t have this huge long-ass plan. You don’t need a big strategy. Your ass just needs to get in action.
I love it.
Yeah, I am on it. I’m so on it.
Yes, okay. Will you promise me, Chrystal, to keep us updated? You’ll write to the team and let us know how it’s going, and if you need a little
I cannot wait to –
… gentle but loving kick in the butt, we can give it to you.
Greg, do you have anything to say to Chrystal? I’m here with Greg, who you know if you’re seen the show.
Hey. No, I can so relate to this because I’m very, very similar. And I think it’s just the overwhelming task of having so many tasks or your what-to-do list is so large that you sit in a space of “Oh my gosh, what do I do?” So to simplify to amplify, like ding, da, ding, ding, ding.
That little five-person list, even in my life, I’m like, “Yes, I can handle five. I can do five.”
And then those relationships, like sitting down talking with people like, “who else do you know?” I would be so afraid to ask that question. But it’s like, “Okay, that could help build my list. Okay, that’s easy.”
Yeah. So, Chrystal-
You got this.
-you have everything. Right, you got everything that you need right now. So we will follow up with those follow-up “how to follow through” episodes, but honestly, girl, don’t worry about action triggers. You get up, you do it, you don’t think about it, you do it again. Before you know it, your business is going to be off and running.
I am so excited.
Thank you for a great question.
Thank you for choosing me. I love you guys.
Love you back. Say hi to the islands.
Well, everyone, there you have it. A few live Q’s and A’s. Greg, thanks for being with me, as always.
Thanks for having me again as always.
So for you, if you have questions that you want answered live, you gotta be sure to be on the MF.com email list. You go to MarieForleo.com, and then you sign up for our emails. Not only will you get a fantastic audio called “How To Get Anything You Want,” you’ll get some exclusive content, special giveaways, personal updates from me that I don’t share anywhere else, and the chance to be on the show live, which I think is really fun because we do have parties, and we throw confetti.
Lots of confetti.
Just like this.
Thank you so much for watching, and we’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.
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I haven’t done this for – I haven’t done this since sixth grade. Got it.
Two chefs and an astronaut. That’s what we’ll call this episode.