Marie Forleo introduction


I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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One of my more recent guilty pleasures is the show Billions. Admittedly, some scenes make my eyes roll. But when I’m jonesin’ for a fix of effortless entertainment, it does me right.

Here’s the gist: Bobby Axelrod, the main character played by the talented Damian Lewis, is a hedge fund billionaire being ruthlessly hunted down by U.S. Attorney Chuck Rhoades, played by equally talented Paul Giamatti.

Holding onto your heart never has to hold you back from success. Click To Tweet

Honestly? They both act like pompous d-bags a lot, which naturally makes for great television.

But it also reveals a commonly held view about folks who are considered uber-successful — in the conventional sense of that word. That view is this:

In order to make it to the top, you have to be a ruthless, cold-hearted jerk.

Curious. Do you believe that to be true? Do you believe that in order to get ahead you have to be dishonest or unethical? Because if you do, even just a little bit, that belief could be holding you back — BIG time.

Because your beliefs drive your behavior, whether you’re aware of those beliefs or not! And since your behavior drives your results, this stuff matters. Watch now.

View Transcript

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

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Now, I’d love to hear from you. In the comments below, tell me:

What unchallenged assumptions or beliefs do you have about success that might be holding you back?

It’s hard to change what you’re not aware of so have fun with this. One important note: our perceptions are tunneled by our existing beliefs. Essentially, only allowing us to see and gather evidence to further support that which we already believe.

That’s why it’s SO valuable to not only become aware of our limiting beliefs but to also find evidence to support a new belief that’s more aligned with our dreams.

Remember, share as much detail as you can in the comments. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration and your story may give someone else the ‘aha’ they need to move powerfully ahead.

AND, please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

Thank you so very much for reading, watching and sharing with such kindness and enthusiasm.

P.S. If you found value in this, please share it with your friends, colleagues, or clients — anyone who might feel conflicted and have some limiting beliefs about success. They’ll thank you for it!

You fill up my heart with love and continue to fuel me ahead,


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  1. Fayann Dsouza

    This is going to sound silly, but for a long time, I believed that I won’t be successful because I have…an accent. Being an 18 year old from Mumbai in Australia, that used to be one of my greatest fears, and I often used to just stay silent when I really wanted to speak my mind and share my ideas! Because I sound different, I thought people won’t understand me, I won’t make sense, I can’t sound like a ‘proper’ student/ business person/employee. I’m much more confident today, but to be honest, the idea still plagues me. Working with it, and still holding onto big dreams. Thanks for a great video, Marie + Team Forleo x

    • Amanda

      Hi Fayann,

      I can relate to this, since I have an accent myself. But I am convinced that there are people who need exactly what you want to provide and they will hear your message rather than your accent.

      Whatever beautiful thing you are doing, keep doing it. And you never know, some people might even consider your accent endearing. 😉


      • Fayann

        Hi Amanda!

        Absolutely, I will. Thank you for your kind words, and yes you’re right, heaps of people have found it endearing, even telling me ‘never change’. I’ll keep my focus on that xx

        • Hi, Fayann! I can totally relate to you! I’m an Eastern European living in the States. People love to point out that I have an accent (as if I didn’t know that! Lol) It takes a lot of strength, guts, and confidence to move to a different country, learn the language, and then follow your dream and build a business you love! So, yeah, I have an accent, but I also have a ton of other things to offer, like talent, brains, integrity, etc. Be proud of who you are!! Best of luck to you in all your endeavors!!❤️?

    • Kerry

      Hi, I also have an accent – Everyone does when they’re not in their home town (and sometimes not even then – I’ve moved around a LOT so I don’t sound like the people back home any more) I found that when I was in Australia my accent worked against me (I’m British) and I was given the instant nickname “Princess Pom” at work where I was not only British but also a young, attractive woman working in a plastics factory as a quality manager but as people got to know me my expertise, experience and personality began to speak for itself. I’ve found Americans however love my accent! A friend told me it’s like listening to the BBC news when I speak! Many people couldn’t care less about how another person sounds and if you have something to stay stand up and say it! So long as you say it in a strong voice, with the conviction that what you are saying is right and true (and it is) then it doesn’t matter if you sound like Daffy Duck – you will be heard and respected. Please don’t be silent when you have something important to say, you’re clearly an intelligent young lady and you never know, what you say might be the very thing someone else is too shy to say! 🙂 xo

    • Hi Fayann,

      I resonate with what you said as I’ve spent the last 6 years in London and I’m Polish. I once even bought a book: “Get rid of your accent for business”.

      But it was at a conference with Denise Duffield-Thomas when I realised that wanting to change my accent is not accepting who I am now and thinking that, as a person that I am today, I am not enough.

      The realisation itself was a huge shift for me and I went home and got rid of the book that same night. (AND recorded a video and started putting myself out there more in that way – ignoring the accent.)

      You are enough just as you are, with all the unique traits that you have, including the accent. If anything, you’ll be more memorable 😉

      All the best,

    • I’m sure you can use that accent to your advantage. It sets you apart and could actually really enhance your business. Go proudly forward with that accent! I bet it is beautiful.

    • Hi,
      I just wanted to point out : EVERYONE has an accent! There’s Australian accent, American accent, German accent, Chinese accents, accents that you can’t quite place and unique accents too – you get the picture.
      So if ever someone says to you “Oh, you have an accent.” Reply with, “Yes, so do you!”
      Of course being (or sounding) different may have it’s challenges but instead of focussing on “different”, perhaps think of it as “unique”!

    • Hi Fayann,
      I can understand your fear and I admit, as a kiwi in Australia, I’ve also worked on my accent. I want people to focus on my message not my accent. Also we know from research that some people have unconscious responses (positive or negative) to accents. BUT more and more I’m thinking we need to celebrate the things that make us unique and welcome that uniqueness to our work and business. if giving up my accent means denying who I am or squashing down something precious about me – then it’s not worth it. That squashing process will probably limit our creativity and innovation because we’ve moved from an open and positive mindset to one of fear. Stay open and stay proud of who you are.

    • Lin

      Dearest Fayann,

      I can relate to this as well! On top of my not exactly shy but let’s say reserved introverted nature, I speak British English with an odd Bulgarian-German accent. I’m terrified of sounding silly in videos, or worse – not being understood by the people I want to help.

      Last month I decided to challenge myself and create a series of videos as an addition to my weekly blog posts. My mantra for the whole project is:

      Just do it and see what happens.

      So far I gathered the courage and the equipment, I scheduled the time and I’m excited to start the experiment. Not overthinking things is the best strategy here. Just do it and see what happens 😉

      Stay shiny!
      ♥ Lin

    • Hi Fayann, I’m with you on that one, same here, wherever I’ve worked over the past 25 years or so, I’ve had an accent… like you, I manage to put it behind me most of the time, but I know it’s there. In any case, you’ll be remembered for your kind words, not for the way they may sound to the “natives” 🙂 what’s made it easier for me was to try and integrate as much as possible: share the culture, share the sense of humour, and don’t think too much about what others think – at the end of the day, I’m not there in their head to read it or see it!
      and thanks to Marie & team for another great video xx

    • Fayann,
      Haven’t you heard?! The ‘Indian accent’ is actually IN these days?! 😀
      I am from Bombay and have settled in Australia too. I’ve lived Melbourne for the last 13 years but it’s only in the last 5 years that I’ve actually found a home…. within myself.
      You see, I had the exact same apprehensions, about my accent and my appearance when I first moved to Oz…. I suppose a large part of that has to do with the typical Indian upbringing and the mindset that we get taught (I call it the ‘fair n lovely syndrome’)
      But it was only once I began to truly love and respect myself for who I was, that I able to flourish and the people around me began to appreciate me,, for me!
      Even since I realised this secret and implemented it, I’ve been able to run a successful coaching biz, start a multicultural football club an most importantly, inspire many around me to be the best and most authentic version of themselves too.
      So I totally know what you are going through Maryann and I promise you this- the sooner you learn that the REAL YOU is where you’re power is at, the sooner you will be able to share that power with the rest of the world and begin to inspire, just like Marie here 😀

  2. Amanda

    Dear Marie,

    Thank you so much for this episode! I sometimes worry that I have to sacrifice some of my values to get ahead. Now I have a go-to video to watch whenever my mind gets stuck in that trap. 🙂

    The other fear that haunts me is that I have the wrong educational background or not the right/enough work experience. I guess this fear has sprung from previous rejections where I was told I have the wrong degree, not enough experience or that I am over-qualified (now THAT’s what I call a champagne problem).

    The irony is that I have done 3 bridge jobs that I was not qualified for (diploma-wise) and, guess what, I have been successful in all of them. I basically have hard proof that my fear is irrational, but I definitely have some work left to do when it comes to asking my worries to wait outside the room while I apply for a job.

    Thank you for your ideas, advice and for making me looking forward to Tuesdays! <3

    • Hey Amanda!

      That’s great that you can see the proof that your fear is irrational! The first step to overcoming our fears is to recognize them. I used to have that same fear. I thought that I chose the wrong major in college, that my past jobs were a waste of my time and so I didn’t have the background/experience/degree to allow me to do what I really wanted to do! This continued to come up and plague me until I started to journal about it, just stating what happened and what caused me to choose to do or not do the different things in my past and bringing me to present day and as I was writing the last bit of it I had an epiphany! Everything that I had done, all my choices that brought me to that present moment and what I wanted to do next all were preparing me for what was ahead. So remember that EVERYTHING you do is preparing you for your future. And you may not know what that is right now. You may even feel like you love what you’re doing now, but who knows what you will be doing in 5 or even 10 years! We make plans, but sometimes other things come across our paths and lead us in a different direction, and what you’ve done and are doing now are ALL working together to prepare you for the next thing, the next step, even if you don’t see what that is right now.

      And as far as applying for jobs that you don’t appear to qualify for, first be sure to look at the things you have done that relate to the things they are looking for, I’m sure you have some. But just to encourage you, I have a friend who got a Math degree (undergrad but NOT in education, just math), worked for 8 years after that as a dental assistant (very hands on work), and just got a job working at a school as an administrative assistant. From the looks she’s not qualified by her education and work experience, but she got the job and is SO much happier!


      • Hi Amanda, I have struggled with those same concerns of having to change my values to accrue wealth. It comes from my family saying things like “we must pity the rich because they need money to be happy, but we have our values and love in abundance to make us happy.” I say now that we can have it all – wealth and values! ! I would love to know what your go-to video is…?

  3. I once worked for a manager who insisted that we dresses suductively and flirt with our male clients to boost sales. I would come home from work crying and feeling dirty. Luckily that didn’t last very long.

    I have seen the “successful” people who act like asshats fall really hard. Whereas the people whom I am surrounding myself with now are kind and generous and they do not have to con or manipulate to get ahead. Their attitude draws in the business that is right for them.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a good point, Robyn! It’s a bit of a selection bias because the media mostly shows people who got to the top being jerks—they rarely show the jerks who *didn’t* make it to the top. I have a feeling the jerks who don’t make it are actually a much larger percentage than the media would have us believe.

      I’m so sorry you had to go through that mess with your old manager. That sounds miserable. I’m glad you’re in a better place now. <3

    • Hi Robyn,
      You must have watched the Simon Sinek’s video: leaders eat last. If a team leader is selfish and with bad ethics, there’s nothing you can do as long as you need the money for living, but, as soon as this guy is in bad shape, nobody will try to help/save him/her. With a true leader, taking care of his team/employees, the group will do their best to overcome problems.
      If you are following this web, it’s probably because you are or you intend to take some actions to become a leader of your own business/project. What Marie said very nicely is about how we should behave ourselves to attract and reward nice, smart and committed people around us.

  4. Today’s video was great. Sometimes I lose track and get too comfortable with my team when I’m frustrated. The good things is that 2 seconds later we can all laugh again and move forward.

    I liked your video and it is a great reminder that being a good Person is the best way to be period!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! Exactly. 🙂

  5. Loved this! I think that an unchallenged assumption that’s holding a lot of people back is that you need a lot of startup money, or you need to drop 1000nds on ads. Not true! Thank you for this ?

  6. This video comes at the perfect time for me because I’ve been trying to move past my negative money and success block.

    I worry that it’s wrong to be rich when others are starting for food and that having money will cause tension between friends and family.

    This is all bubbling up now because I’m in a place where success is more tangible and I’ve been working so hard and great progress is being made! It feels like the next step is within reach but part of me is holding back because I have all these beliefs about money and success..

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I totally hear you, Kassandra. I can tell you have a big heart, which means that when you make a lot of money you’ll be able to use it in positive ways. For example, you can donate to causes you support and make the world a better place by making money doing what you love. Check out Marie’s take on this here:

  7. Jo

    Thanks for this, I totally agree with you Marie! In this day and age, you can’t afford to be a ‘jerk’ ;). In my experience, if you treat others with respect and kindness, you tend to receive respect and kindness back (not necessarily from the same people ;/ but whatever you put out there, you seem to get back!).
    So, I’m really mindful of how I treat others.
    It’s also a nicer/more fulfilling way to live life right?
    Jo xx

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true, Jo! What goes around comes around.


    • Véro

      I agree with you whan you say that you receive respect and kindness not necessarily from the people who you give respect and kindness. But it’s not importatn, what is important is to give to make the world better and it’s work! love

  8. Hi Marie, I believe in the world of being successful, this is where the genders are completely different, for sure a man has to be ruthless, somewhat very crafty and smart to be successful, while as a woman, has challenges, much more easier by far than a man, but at the same time I for one, am at the highest form of all knowledge, and been on my path of still trying to sign a contract for my writings for over 20 years, there is alot of jealousy amongst women, when a lady of my caliber knows her identity, and her knowledge is mostly known by white women, luckily for me, I believe in the higher forces and know my knowledge completes all knowledge, thus I know most peoples lives are much, much easier than mine, and they don’t need to be ase holes or jerks, but just be honourable in all their dealings. I still am very truthful and honourable, and this makes me have no guilt what so ever.and makes me put my hand on my heart that am not a sinner also. In this period a clear conscious is of the utmost essence, as Karma is catching up with all, so better to go step by step in life.

  9. Thank you very much for this post today. I have been in business for over 20 years and sometimes I feel that I have to “turn nasty” in order to get ahead. I needed to hear your message today. Thanks again and keep up the great work!

  10. Larry

    I worked at Boeing Support Services some time ago for 5 years. It was an extremely dysfunctional organization with abusive managers. Staff in the first group I was in were actually getting poisoned from diesel fumes and would get in trouble if they complained! And a friend who worked in upper management at Boeing Airplane Company had to constantly lie to keep her job. So my own experience is that leaders like Richard Branson the exception rather than the norm.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m really sorry to hear that, Larry. That sounds like a toxic environment, literally and figuratively.

    • Cassie

      I agree with the tone of Larry’s comment – for the practice of blaming, shunning, or firing whistle blowers is widespread and legendary, and usually justified by prejudices against behavior of the complainer. We need a broad cultural shift, to design practices that welcome criticisms from whistle blowers with respect, documentation and investigation, and further feedback – not what happens instead, the shunning, blame for speaking up, ignoring important tips. The rush to assume that unions or laws to deal with such input, renders invisible the need for management training to deal more respectfully with any whistleblowers.

  11. What holds me back is a fear of hurting others and getting it wrong. My business is all about creating healthy successful relationships. I have occassionaly given advice that can step on people’s heartstrings. In doing so, I have had to face an attack on my personal ethics and integrity. It is really difficult to get your point across sometimes and not hurt others.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That sounds like a tough position to be in, Micki! No one gets it right all the time and just the fact that you’re conscious of your actions shows that you’re not a jerk and don’t seek to hurt anyone, neither directly nor through carelessness. I can tell you have a big heart and I know your clients appreciate you for it.

  12. This episode was like sprinkles on my business cupcake. I started my own business 2 years ago as a solo hairdresser. I have been a stylist for 15 years and finally branched out on my own. My misconception is that since I didn’t go to business school, I don’t know what the hell Im doing. I passionately love hair and taking care of my clients heart, but when it comes to the marketing or administration side of things, I feel like a giant ball of yarn. I consistently am battling negativity in my head about not knowing where to start or how to start referral programs, ad campaign or extra touches my clients would love that other salons do. Do you have any advice or videos on starting from the very beginning in business? Sometimes I just want something to compare to to make sure I’m doing ” it right”. I tend to see a lot of harder personalities and lifestyles in this industry. I am not one to cheat, lie to my clients about ” prebooking because I’m soooooo busy” or overcharge my worth. I’m definitely one you could describe as an aspiring successful sweetheart.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Hi Elle! Marie does have episodes about starting and growing a business, which you can find in this playlist,, though we don’t have any episodes covering referral programs or ad campaigns. Feel free to scroll through that playlist and see what videos resonate with you at this point in your business journey.

    • Alicia

      You are right, you have a misconception (that you need to go to business school to know what you’re doing), as if the knowledge taught there couldn’t be found somewhere else. Sometimes the best professionals are those that are self-taught and didn’t get a degree and sometimes the worst have a certificate. First of all, make the life-changing decision that you get rid of that misconception. Then make the decision to seek the education or knowledge you may feel you still need. Make a list of the areas you need to know more and get that knowledge ASAP. There are so many places today where you can get this, for example, books from the library or that you can purchase, from individuals that can mentor you, joining a professional newsletter, a Meetup, seek info online, at YouTube, at colleges, academies, Udemy, etc. Also remember that even if you had gone to business school, education is something that needs to be updated all the time, specially on this day and age of internet marketing, so always keep learning and do not get overwhelmed by information overload! You already are a successful sweetheart! Best wishes to you!

  13. Thanks a lot for sharing this message! I think it is both true and necessary. It might be common but being rude is definitely not a requirement for being successful, and even more, not a requirement for being happy and feeling good with oneself which, in my opinion, should be the ultimate end of all we do, including running a business.

  14. Love this episode Marie! This thought was one of the false beliefs that I had to overcome as I stepped up to become more visible as a money confidence coach. For the longest time I didn’t realise I was holding myself back because of this belief – that I had to change into some kind of nasty manipulative human being in order to succeed.

    Thanks to lovely women such as you I have had a chance to look at this belief… and let it go! Now I teach my clients to do the same as well 🙂 In fact I added this as one of the elements of my course Tapping Away Your Money Blues and turned it into one of my weekly episodes of Tapping TV on YouTube!

    It’s so important that we find and let go of our limiting beliefs, so I like to start my day with Dr Barbara de Angelis’s Soul Shifts mantra – “Today I am going to see what there is to see, to feel what there is to feel, and to know what there is to know” Each day I discover new negative thoughts or beliefs and then release them.

    The ladies in my Facebook Groups often tell me that my leadership inspires them to do better for themselves, which is a lovely compliment and reinforces to me that the best thing I did was to let go of the belief that I have to be a dirtbag to be successful.

    Thank you for being such a great source of inspiration to me 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s wonderful, Tania! When other people tell you your leadership inspires them, you know you’re doing something right. 🙂

      • Thanks Mandy – it always comes as a complete surprise when they say things like that! I just get on with doing what needs to be done – and talk about it afterwards 😉

  15. Hey Marie! (and whomever else is watching)..

    One of my greatest realizations about success is in regards to money. We’re all told “money is the root of all evil” and I’ve found that to be utterly false. In fact, I get a littttttllleeeeeee ( A LOT) irritated when I notice people feeding into this rhetoric. I believe the LOVE of money to be the source of the evils referred to in this context. Meaning greed. People who go around only chasing money don’t pay attention to things, people, and issues that matter. Hence why we have this conception that money is evil. That causes GOOD people not to seek money or to feel guilty for doing so — not even realizing that power and the influence that money can do for GOOD. I mean really, I can’t help anyone if I can’t even pay my rent right? So, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to aspire to be “rich” — as long as we stay balanced and keep our spiritual and emotional riches in mind too. <3

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Exactly, Shayna! I love this insight, and you’re so right. Money can be an incredible vehicle for good in the world since it allows people to donate to causes they support and make the world a better place. 🙂

    • UH

      Thank you for spelling it out for me, Shayna Marie!
      I really loved the video and still had this little “but” sitting in the back of my head. What you said was really important for me right now. “I can’t help anyone if I can’t even pay my rent right?”
      This, I now realize, is a strong motivation for me to make good money! Literally. Good money.

  16. Leslie

    Oh man…I’m still struggling with the limiting belief that I have to be a smarmy salesperson in order to be successful in my business. Just the thought of ‘asking for the sale’ makes me feel all clammy and weird.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a tough one, for sure. I think you’ll like this MarieTV episode: It puts a new perspective on selling and I think you’ll find it helpful for sharing your gifts and talents with the world proudly. 🙂

      • Leslie

        Thanks, Mandy! That’s exactly what I needed to hear 🙂

  17. Thank you for the great content Marie! 🙂 My success fear has been that I don’t know enough or have the skills to accomplish what I want and tend to get stuck in the “preparing to prepare, to prepare, to prepare… to do something.” I have perfectionist tendencies which is what I believe this stems from. I have been learning recently to take imperfect action every day in anything that I do, but especially toward things that scare me. This is helping me to just take action! And I know that by taking action, even if it’s imperfect, it’s moving me forward first and foremost but also that I will get better and learn what I need to know as well as the skills I need to have through it.

    • Heather I totally feel you! It takes constant reminders from people like Marie to head for progress NOT perfection. I’m learning that the universe rewards action, not perfectly laid out plans in a labeled binder with color coded tabs…So head straight for what scares you the most and tackle it with the tools you have now. The universe will provide teachers when it sees you taking action!

    • Heather,
      I love that idea of taking imperfect action every day. Thank you. I will remember that one when I, just like you, prepare and prepare again in order not to have to do what I really need to do (and risk failing).

  18. Marie,
    This episode is awesome.
    I always wanted to tell the world that great leaders and achievers are not bad at all. I somehow have compassion for them. They are strong, they don’t feel sorry for saying NO and they are just committed to their work/mission.
    I would see this world to be a great place if it is filled with more of such people.

  19. I think you can get success no matter how nice and loving you are. I guess one of the beliefs I’ve held on to is that success takes a lot of hard work. But I’ve been working a lot and hard without getting it, so that can’t be entirely true 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It also takes a lot of time. You’re doing great and we’re cheering you on! 🙂

      • Yes, it does, and I’m terribly impatient. I would have liked it to show more progress after 5 years though. I am seeing a lot of progress in engagement and other numbers, but not in the bank.

        • Chelsea - Team Forleo

          Celebrating any and all progress is super important, as there’s no such thing as overnight success in reality. Any small step forward is a beautiful thing!

          The increase in engagement and other numbers is a great sign, Linda, and it might be interesting to look at why and what types of content people are engaging with so you can either adjust your offerings or fine-tune the messaging around them.

          Or perhaps it’s a matter of asking some of your prospective customers for feedback on why they’re not buying. There’s definitely something to unpack and learn from here.

          I thought you might like watching these existing MarieTV episodes for some ideas on increasing sales and profitability, and hope they give you some food for thought:

          • Thanks Chelsea 🙂 I know it never happens overnight. I’ve been looking at the types of people and adjusting. I’m going for a business that feels good to me, and is in line with my values but that also works. I’ve tried to get feedback, but the few who have responded hasn’t given me anything solid. Thanks again 🙂

  20. Marie,

    I have always felt that being a strong, successful woman equated to being a b*tch…after taking the Myers-Briggs 16 personalities test, I realized I am in a very low percentile “personality-wise” for women. Being an ENTJ means I have strong leadership skills but I also have difficulty being in tune with others emotions (which sometimes comes off as being “cold”). Learning this about myself has helped me become more aware of how I handle situations with others and has actually made me a more effective leader. As an ENTJ I have never felt the guilt of driving or pushing forward to accomplish my dreams or to be successful at what I love. But, doing it with compassion, kindness, and benevolence is something I have realized to be the most rewarding!
    Enjoyed your video today…

    • Victoria Rosa

      Interesting! I know that research shows that for women being successful is inversely correlated with likability, whereas the opposite is true for men. However, being liked and acting from your integrity are different things. I think we need to be comfortable with SOMEONE considering we are being a bitch, because there are people who consider any woman with boundaries to be one.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Angela! It’s wonderful that you know your personality type and you’re mindful of it in your interactions with others. That’s a great way to get ahead with compassion. 🙂

  21. Hi Marie,
    Great episode as always. I wonder though if there is a gender thing going on here. I once went public on something that I hadn’t done to my standard which I had then corrected and I was massively critisised for it in the national media which ruined my life. I did it because I couldn’t bear to live with all the praise I got when this little part of the job was eating away at me. I wonder, if I was a man, would I have really been hauled over the coals for it? Or made out like I was a hero for coming clean when I didn’t need to?

  22. Recently, I decided to expand my business and create a team so I could serve a greater purpose and reach more people. I was VERY scared to take this step, because very early on in my career I worked as a wellness center director and had trouble managing staff. I also didn’t have many great examples of positive leaders in my life.

    Luckily, my fears have been proven wrong. Sure, there have been challenges along the way and I’m learning a LOT. However, working with a team can be VERY rewarding. Every day I feel super blessed to have men and women who are so talented sharing their insights and skills to help my business grow and more importantly, to change lives!

    I love how you mentioned Richard Branson as an example of a positive leader. Yesterday, I came across two great quotes from him on the topic of leadership:

    1. “There’s no magic formula for great company culture. The key is just to treat your staff how you would like to be treated.”

    2. “Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients.”

    Definitely some great advice for those of us with teams! Thanks for this time to reflect, Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love those quotes! Sir Branson knows his stuff. 🙂

  23. I am in the process of developing my own course and I love your insight. This particular topic hit home. My course is teaching individuals that NICE GUYS make the best salesmen(women) and that they could be extremely successful no matter where they are in their career. In professional sales (B2B) it is all about relationships, not sleeziness. A person with good ethics and morals builds a clientele that will stay with them for a very long time.

    My quote is: “Nice guys finish…and outlast.”

    • UH

      Hi Shane,
      I love your approach! I think you are absolutely right about the long-term relationships with clients. However – if you want to hear it – I would advise you not to use “nice guys” in a catchphrase or slogan. It sadly has a negative connotation for many people now. How about “good guys” instead?

  24. Kristina

    In my business, I feel that to be successful, I have to give up any hope of sleeping or socializing again! So many others in my network talk about sacrificing sleep (and family time and television and outings with friends) to gain momentum in their businesses. Honestly, I started my business at 40! I’m past my days of pulling all-nighters! I know I have to work smarter, but with a full time job and a family, I struggle with how to fit everything in on a consistent and efficient basis.

    Thanks, Marie!

  25. I loved this episode! In the competitive world of indie publishing, a lot of people say you have to write for the market above all. Forget writing stories you are truly passionate about, unless those stories just happen to be in a wildly successful genre. I’ve heard so many people give the advice that you can’t make money just writing through passion and that you should always tailor your stories to the market or copy ideas that are already selling. I think this is such dangerous advice! Why are we writing if not to tell stories that get us excited? I think it’s also a very short term mindset. But man, sometimes it gets difficult to see the writers who freely admit to solely writing to the market soar up the charts and pass me by. I long to see my passion translate into greater success, but I know in my heart the only way to do that is to stay the course and stay true to myself. I may never be a NYT Bestseller, but I’m not willing to check my passion at the door to get ahead. And you’re right, just like in business, there are tons of authors finding amazing success writing what they love instead of writing what they think will sell best. I just need to remind myself of that when times get tough.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It sounds like you’ve got your long term goals in mind, which is a good thing. If people are writing things they’re not passionate about, they’ll get burned out really quickly despite how successful they are. Loving what you do is so important.

      • Thanks Sarra and Mandy for this discussion. My new book fits in the category of “writing what moves my heart.” It doesn’t follow the rules of what sells. When I’ve listened to some of the money-making author coaches and gurus, I’ve caught myself wondering if I’ve written the “right” book. Sarra, you’ve helped remind me to stay on track and keep writing from my heart.

        Marie, thanks for affirming that “good” business can still be based in goodness, kindness and team work. That’s the “new” paradigm we can all create. Yea!

  26. Great video Marie! Brings to mind another belief that a lot of people have – that you have to be cut throat when it comes to your competition. The truth is that even if someone has a business similar to your own, there is plenty of success to go around! Everyone is unique and has their own special qualities that they bring to the table.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true! As Marie says, “There’s always more where that came from!” 🙂

  27. Stephanie

    Love this video! I firmly believe that you will be more successful – and enjoy your success more – if you are a nice and genuine person.

  28. OMG Marie, I was just telling my husband yesterday, as we watched Billions, that both characters act like jerks and driven from ego…and that I can’t stand the prosecutor LOL.

    I loved this episode- Yes to kind hearted successful entrepreneurs! And yes to defining success in our terms.

  29. Sonia

    Hello !
    No matter what I could understand about business, I have always felt that if I didn’t have the guts to go over my morals, it wouldn’t be possible for me to succeed. Some shift happened because, after this episode, I’m not feeling that anymore.
    My morals have been heard. And respected.
    Actually, new openings are being created in my mind as I write. Yay !
    I’ll keep thinking about all of this and see what it turns into.
    Boy, you should see all that’s bubbling up right now.
    Thank you !

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad this episode prompted the shift, Sonia! Your morals are important and you don’t have to sacrifice them for success. They can actually help you get there. 🙂

  30. Thank you–of course we know that you don’t have to be a jerk to be über successful–we’ve got you, Marie, as a wonderful example! But…the fact that I still hold this subconscious belief based on my experiences, is key. Very helpful. P.S.–love your hair and outfit. Very groovy!

  31. There is also a growing phenom of “successful” people using gutter language. It seems that having a little success removes all barriers of manners and propriety. I think that’s right up there with being a jerk.

  32. Tim H

    The movie thriller “Unknown” starring Liam Neeson and Diane Kruger is a refreshing story showing uber wealthy doing world good.

  33. Beth

    Wow– you are so right! I’ve watched this in my own husband’s career. I’ve been shocked sometimes at what others, especially managers have done or said and saw the disrespect that employees had for them because of it. My husband has always been a moral, ethical and kind person…and he’s a Type A! 25 years into his career, he’s getting job offers for leadership positions that he hasn’t even looked for because of his reputation as being excellent at his work AND a really good person! I admire him greatly and so do our kids (who are just becoming young adults and also showing great moral choices in their own lives!). His parents were the same way. Life is really, really good when you do the right thing. We have more blessings than I ever imagined!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Beth! Congrats to your husband on his good work. Whoever said “nice guys finish last” clearly hadn’t met him! 🙂

  34. Laura Gonzalez

    Yes Marie, I know many people worried for having to sacrifice some of our values to get ahead. In Spanish there is a say: “El que no tranza no avanza” [If you do not cheat you do not get ahead]. I have heard instructors and fathers saying this to their students and children. Can you imagine? It is hard to change that mentality. This should be taught at school, don’t you think. How? Showing that mutual aid is as important as competition to survive, to excel, to progress and to advance …

    Read more:

  35. Thank you, Marie. I love seeing so many people engaged in this topic as well. I work on wall street, and I have been avoiding to watch Billions because the show reminds me of how big money is made through bullying and heartless actions. This reminds me of time when Richard Branson’s show was cancelled long before Donald Trump’s show, Apprentice. The public consensus was that Richard Branson was just too nice to make his reality show interesting. Somehow the public enjoyed bullying Donald Trump firing and humiliating people on public television. I sincerely hope that the world does not mix entertainment and reality. There is nothing right about being rude to others. I enrolled in B-school when I learned that you spoke out about the importance of sweetheart and successful. I am building my online business now, and I hope I can become someone in that category:)

  36. Being nice from the heart requires strength and character of an intense kind. Being the opposite requires the opposite.

    We get to pick.


    Thanks Marie for spelling it out for us in regard to making billions. Kudos.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true, Camilla! The choice is ours.

  37. Lauren

    Hi Marie!

    This was so refreshing to hear. I know a lot of people at my current job that cut a lot of corners, and while I don’t judge them about it, it’s not how I do things.

    Another main idea that may be holding me back from success is that I have to be this beautiful, perfectly put together, always outgoing and extroverted person. Some days I lay in bed, in my pajamas and watch Netflix and eat. Some nights, I go out all night and party with friends.

    I’m just 26 and I’m not sure if I will grow out of those occasional behaviors, but I’m also not sure if they’ll hold me back from success.

    I’ve made a lot of subtle changes as the years have gone on, and I feel like I’m on the right path. Although I may not see myself as a successful person already, I think others feel differently. I should probably get on board with realizing that I’m worthy NOW, not if and when…

  38. Joi

    I never really thought you had to be an asshat to be successful. Just look at Marie! She’s a gorgeous, successful woman with the heart of gold. 🙂 But, I am still holding on to a limiting belief that was addressed in a previous video – the idea that in order to be successful you have to work non stop grinding yourself into the ground until you are miserable and exhausted. That’s not the kind of life that I want! So, I am trying to teach myself that more success will only add to the space I have created in my life, enabling me to do more of the things I was meant to do.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! Taking time for yourself can actually make you a better entrepreneur because when you’re tired and burned out you’re not doing your best work. Taking care of yourself not only helps you feel better, but it also helps you do better. 🙂

    Watching your video made me realize that yes, I sometimes think that success belongs to the a-holes of this world. But then, I was watching you and your video today and realized: No, it doesn’t! Thank you for showing me that success and inspiring leadership is possible for the kind and compassionate, too.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Wonderful, and thank you so much for your kind words!

  40. Georgia Balmir

    Hi Marie,
    Every where you go, you will find there is always someone on the opposite side of the spectrum who are successful because they “jerked” their way or became successful honestly. Well, I believe to be successful one must follow their heart and always keep their integrity. True and lasting success comes from being of service and helping others reach their true potential. Deep down inside you can’t be HAPPY if you are hurting and sabotaging others in the process because at the end of the day it all comes back to you. Then the other thing to take into consideration is, what is their intention in the first place? It may just be to gain a reputation for the love of acquiring prestige and popularity for gains of making a lot of money. Are they happy is the real question? So, be true to who you are as an individual and success will be yours.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Great point, Georgia! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom.

  41. Rose Jansen

    Hi Marie,

    I think you are AWSOME! I started following you a couple of weeks ago and I was just to late to join B-school. I’m sure I am missing out but maybe I’ll get another chance next year!

    My unchallenged believe. You have to work uber hard if you want to make it to the top (and oh boy, how much I want that!!)

  42. I agree, you can be successful and keep your integrity. I had seen it with my father and several business owners, and a good example is the owners of Patagonia and North Face.

    The other assumption people have (and in this case I do to) is that you need to be a great sales outgoing person to suceed. Part of my thinks that’s not true, introverts can be successful too, right…?

    • UH

      They can, they just do it differently!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Hi Daniela! UH is right—introverts can be successful, though they may have to do things differently. For example, sometimes selling or being a salesperson requires meeting people, and Susan Cain (author of Quiet, a book all about introverts) has some great tips on networking for introverts. Check them out here:

  43. Regina Richards

    A fear that have held me back in the past:

    My success would cause envy and people would give me grief and/or reject me. And some did. But, on the positive side, I quickly found out who my real friends were. They were the ones who were cheering for me.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad you have some great friends who are cheering you on! If the others can’t be happy for you, *they’re* the ones who are missing out. 🙂

  44. I have known many successful people, some with moral compass and some without. Remember, you attract what you put out. If you want to be surrounded by kind, generous, successful people, be a kind, generous, successful person.
    Karma takes care of the asshats.
    The more you focus on the asshats, the more you will attract them. Seek out open honest peeps. Change the face of business while you change the world.

  45. Molly

    Love the episode Marie and the groovy pant suite!

  46. Katrina

    Love this! Just read “Give & Take” by Adam Grant & his research says the same thing!!

  47. Marie.

    This Episode was not only great but crucial. See, the thing with good people and believing we can’t be successful is pretty common. I was one of those and, in fact, I still have people really close to me that make comments all the time like: “ALL RICH PEOPLE ARE BAD, GREEDY, AND EVIL”. Now I laugh inside but once I also used to repeat those “negative limiting beliefs”. Could you advise how to handle that negativity from people who are really close to me and that I love very much but that I that I don’t want to let them damage my work towards erasing the limiting beliefs and knowing that I can be rich and still of great service to the world? Thanks, Laura

  48. This episode is quite timely especially with the term #bitchboss floating around. Sometimes it seems like one needs to be hardcore to get what they want but it’s simply not true. One of my limiting beliefs is that business has to be hard, and complex in order to be successful. I’m seeing it’s quite important to choose who I work with and make sure what I’m doing aligns with my values. I want to keep it simple, be of value and uplift others! Not bring them down with my attitude!

  49. Virginia Reeves

    How YOU define success is a key element to your behavior. Not all of us want or need to be very wealthy or powerful. Sometimes achievements are small and just as gratifying as the bigger accomplishments. You might not even make any money but you have pride in finishing a project or being part of making something good happen. Maintaining good relationships is far more important to me. I don’t have to be a ‘sweetheart’ but I do my best to be kind, decent, and helpful. You have to like yourself; live within your fine moral and values structure.

  50. Panto Thenic

    Marie—I’m glad you broached this subject, about time someone did. I wish you could have filled out the picture a little more when you say things like “Inspire outstanding performance in your team” or “Make Tough calls”. These sound great, but what do they look like in practice? Many people try to implement them and end up looking like the management in Office Space. And yeah, I do get that you only have so much time in your broadcast.

    Overall I like what you’re saying. Here’s my take on this: Get on your employee’s side. Mentally. Without having to say anything. When people do that, the employees can sense it, and then the leader can be more comfortable about following the things you’ve outlined.

    What I’ve noticed about great leaders vs. asshat leaders, and this is almost universally true: the great leaders are comfortable with their own leadership, they’re secure in it. The asshat ones aren’t. That’s why they go to extremes and act like jerks.

    Thx for a great episode Marie.

  51. Hello Marie,
    This episode was very inspiring and the question you addressed is a major one. I recently heard something that rang the bell for me, along the lines of Steve Jobs and all the legends associated with him. Some say that he was a jerk, some say that he was a genius, we have no idea whom to believe. And I recently heard an interview where a guy said that Steve Jobs became a modern type of Rorschach test. Whatever you want to see, you will see in him. Whatever you are inclined to, whatever you want to call ‘truth’, you’ll find proofs for either in Steve Jobs, or in anyone or anything else.

    My biggest fears that are holding me back are the fear of what will people think of me, since I am doing the creative work that I don’t have the training for and it’s outside of my “expertise”. Also, I think that fear of success is a big one for me. Like, I’ll do something good, it will be difficult to repeat, I’ll deplete my knowledge and won’t know what to do next! I know it’s silly, but it actually holds me back.

  52. UH

    My biggest fear that is holding me back is that I lack the stamina to do the kind of work I really want to do over a long period of time. That I will not be able to cope with the kind of workload that comes with the success I want. And apparently, here’s my next limiting belief: that success comes with a huge workload. 😉

  53. I literally wrote the book Nice Guys Finish First (available on Amazon). I truly believe that the best way to feel good about yourself is to do the right thing….ALWAYS, even when people aren’t watching. People view being nice as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. No eff’ing way! Yes we are sensitive, kind, compassionate, empathetic and caring, but we are far from being pushovers. Bowing down to others is for wimps. Honesty and integrity are all about the NICE. I will believe that with ever breath I take. Thanks for supporting the truth Marie. Nice guys finish first.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      AWESOME, Doug! I’m so glad you wrote Nice Guys Finish First because that’s definitely a message that more people need to hear. It’s wonderful that you and Marie share that philosophy. 🙂

  54. Hmmm.
    Good video and message. Food for thought, thank you.
    I had to think about that because I completely ditched the “being successful ” when, in spite of working really hard and doing everything common take on what you need to do to be seen as successful, I’ve lost everything but the clothes on my back for the 7th time.
    I just decided that the more important was the person I look at in the mirror: can I sleep with that person tonight?
    If being nice and satisfied with her meant being told again and often how much of a loser I am, so be it.
    Curiously, it had the opposite effect. As in I’m no more in the street, right? I achieved a tone more since I dished out the concept of what it is to be successful.
    I’m taking nothing for granted, though. As I previously experienced, even if I worked for what I have: someone envious can just destroyed all that and I’ll have to pack again and start from the bottom again.
    I think the only thing going in the way is the fear of expectations I can’t meet rising and being exposed to misunderstanding as I undeniably taking “more space” in an aquarium that I’ve been told is over crowded! In the process p sing up someone because they preferred when I was small.

    But that’s about it.

    Sorry got to return to my mud

  55. Interesting subject. I never once through you needed to be an asshole to get ahead. Most people who are mean, rude and negative are feeling pretty negatively and unhappy on the inside, and in that case, there’s no money in the world to find success in that!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a good point, Kyra! It’s hard to imagine someone who’s truly happy being a jerk to others. Happiness radiates outward and attracts more of the same to it.

  56. Gladly there are great inspirational leaders… We can read Fredy Kofman’s “Meta-Managment” or listen to Brendon Burchard’s videos to get a sample.
    I do hope each time more and more people can acknowledge that it is possible to be firm and demand quality and results without being rude, but compassionate as Marie says.

  57. sabah

    thank you Marei i agree with you

  58. Great segment! I loved the message and I love that jump suit! Happy Spring and keep it coming.



  59. Manuel

    Who is measuring success? You or are you giving that assessment to someone else? If you were to die today, right now, would you consider yourself having been successful or incomplete? Knowing you have achieved your goals on your own without; resorting to lies, being someone you are not, or having to step over (mistreating) others leads to satisfaction and happiness with accepting who you are. Success is also helping others achieve their goals or giving encouragement toward their development. Don’t worry be happy…

  60. I’m working on getting through my head that I don’t have to be a man for people to take me seriously as a serious professional graphic designer WITH HEART. This was so good! I want to be authentic, creative, and be courageous enough to ask for what I know I’m worth on projects. =) Thanks for the continued inspiration.

  61. Oh my, memories!

    Early in my career, I had a boss who wanted me to pretend to be a venture capitalist to impress some business contacts she was having drinks with on a Friday night. I refused, of course. Then she called me on Saturday morning to tell me that “this is how business is done, and if I want to succeed, I better learn to play the game”.

    Needless to say, I didn’t stay long… 🙂

  62. I love Billions ?

    I feel the same way as you too. I’m actually working an a book around this entire subject.

    Thank you for another great episode Marie! ???

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Jenny!

  63. Loved this episode! Always so much fun to watch and I love reading the comments. The notion that you have to claw your way to the top I feel is outdated, and in most cases, the opposite is true. In my own experience, people just want to be heard and acknowledged. If you can do that for people in respect to your business – you’ll be doing them and yourself a favor. If all your after is the pure avarice and the greed of a situation, I doubt you’ll strike the true gold that everyone wants and needs to keep going in business and life: reciprocal respect, love and joy. That takes as much grit and determination as being an asshat 😉

  64. Genevieve

    I think Marie totally missed the point on this one. She gives Richard Branson as an example, when in one of his books he ADMITS that he misled a real estate agent early on in his career in exchange for a free vacation. He basically admits to lying to get ahead. This is exactly the kind of behavior that the sweetheart who wrote in (I imagine) is thinking about. Now, later he does end up buying the island, but at the time he had no money and was just bullshitting to get a free vacation. I really don’t want to have to lie to anyone (even if what I’m lying about comes true later) to get what I want. That sort of feels like bluffing in poker. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s still a lie. However, it is part of the game. What we want to know is bluffing required to succeed in the game of business? Marie’s endorsement here of Richard Branson as a totally honest sweetheart when he’s sort of a self-described rogue/rascal makes me think she does believe that is required for success.

  65. Jane Sorensen

    I’d like to clarify two things – Marie isn’t talking about fears and knowing what we are worth, so I’d appreciate it if people would talk about the specific case of assuming you gotta be a jerk, and that nice guys finish last. We have enough to deal with this as women (who are expected to be nice all the damn time and cede the way to others), that bringing usual human anxiety into this important discussion is a distraction.

    My second point is that in order to lead, be creative, etc, you sometimes do need to have a bubble zone around you in which others should just quit bitching and whining and leave you alone so that you can think and make moves. Everyone comes with a rough personality under the parts that become socially polished. That rough personality does NOT mean you are unethical – unethical behaviour is something that you either have because you’re a me-first asshat, or you have come to accept as being the way things are. There is a lot of rationalized unethical behaviour. You and I are subject to it, as well. So I can be a blunt force rude person making this comment, but the fact is, I am scrupulously honest and ethical. Those scruples also include that I don’t HAVE to tell everyone everything all the time. That if I’m Steve Jobs and I want to ride the elevator alone, frack off and get your own!! And if that makes me a twat, so be it. (*Note that I wouldn’t do this myself, because I’m energy- and maintenance-conscious and I’d rather share these resources, or take the stairs.)

    While saying YES we need highly ethical, honest, kind, and sometimes emotive people at the top, we also have to increase our tolerance for rough personalities and let honesty and ethics be our guides – and those who say “i’m only telling the truth” in way that ticks other people off, need themselves to understand that telling the truth is never apologizing for the un-pretty picture you might be telling, but that you still want to make a difference so that the next version of the truth is prettier as well as still true.


    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Hi Jane! Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us, and adding to the discussion here in the comments.

      The prompt Marie shared at the end of the video was about sharing other unchallenged assumptions that people have about success that might be holding them back, so that’s why a lot of people are sharing other fears and assumptions here in the comments that are different from the exact one talked about in this episode.

      We’re so glad this topic struck a chord though! Thank you for posting what you did about not feeling like you have to be a push-over as a woman with integrity and honesty in business, and similarly that toughness and confidence are also as important as kindness.

      Thank you for tuning in.

  66. In the 20 years that I spent in Fortune 500’s, most women tried to act like what they thought men would act like. It created a lot of bitterness and competition. I honestly think that’s why I enjoy working for myself now. I treat my clients like I would want to be treated and I treat my vendors like partners. I had an owner of a business who was drastically under paying me, chew me out because I didn’t act like I was making more money in front of a banker friend of hers and it embarrassed her. I wish I had known then what I know now. My dignity is not for sale. Thanks for reminding me.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Amen to that!

  67. MP

    Thanks for another great episode. I AGREE and personally know and work with many kind, sweet leaders of companies and businesses. For the past 20 years my partners and me have been serving the wardrobe needs of hundreds of the most successful men in the tri-state area. Our clients are at the top of their games and with the exception of a few, the majority are kind, caring men that I know, like, trust, respect and admire.
    I, too, watch/enjoy Billions. The Axe character’s wardrobe choices do not portray ‘dress for success’; however, I suppose he’s proving that we can’t always judge a book by its cover!
    Finally, in the past, I often got hung up on degrees and titles equating to success. I lived with regret of being just a few credits away away from achieving my MBA years ago and having a lot of guilt over that. I have learned over the years that there are many many super successful people with impressive educations and degrees, but also so many others without any degrees!
    Xoxo love to Marie, Team Forleo, and Tuesdays!


    hi Marie. I once did a Tony Robbins wealth mastery course, i was pumped and my head and heart were pounding with excitement. On my way home, popped in to see my dad, who berated me and shamed me back into my mousey cage…I still feel that shaming so strongly that I’ve never done a single thing for financial success since. Some things run on subconscious all the time.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Heidi, I’m so sorry to hear about that experience, and the shaming that’s been going on inside ever since.

      You absolutely have a right to financial success and mastery, and pursuing those goals you cherish within — we’re firm believers of that around here. And it’s never too late!

      Sometimes, I find that surrounding myself with as much positive and intelligent influence as possible through books, friendships, MarieTVs, or whatever inspires YOU can do a lot for the soul. Tony Robbins and David Bach both offer great resources and incredible insight around money specifically, for example.

      I also wanted to share the link to one of my favorite MarieTVs on working with your subconscious mind. I think you’ll enjoy it, in light of what you shared.

  69. Hmmm… I have worked with some bosses/managers with jerky morals and it didn’t work for them. Bad boss equals low staff moral, therefore high turnover of staff. The business may start off quite successfully, but eventually it’ll be driven into the ground by bad boss decisions.
    I’ve also had wonderful bosses who were confident and nice. They weren’t push overs [hence confidence]. But being confident doesn’t mean being an asshat. The nicer bosses let you do your job. They encourage their staff. In return their staff happily give their best.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Totally agree, Melissa, about the difference between confident and asshat. 🙂

  70. RRM

    I have allowed my beliefs that because very little good has been able to last in my life for any significant period of time, nothing will ever be able to do so. I have such a soft heart and I am sensitive but I try to be tough on the outside so that people won’t take advantage. Unfortunately who I am shows through eventually and the cycle begins again. So, I keep thinking that trusting people, being honest and decent means that I will not be able to sustain any modicum of success.

  71. Another wonderful video Marie!

    I think my age and gender have limited my thinking at times. Being a young female entrepreneur I sometimes feel I don’t have enough experience or that I should defer to someone else because they’d know better.

    But I’m NOT that young, and I know my stuff and have value to add! So…shifting!

    Cheers, Karina

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Karina, you’re not alone with feeling those limiting beliefs. Continuing to shift your focus and intention to the value you do know you offer is so helpful and important.

      Thank you for watching!

  72. Thanks Marie for this great video, I’m learning that mindset is a lot more substantial than the “fluff” I have passed it off to be in the past. I definitely feel the limiting belief that in order to be wealthy I have to check my integrity at the door, and I love your perspective. The first step was to accept that you can keep your integrity, the second step which I’m working on is to truly believe it. The other belief holding me back is the belief that becoming successful will take away time that I need to dedicate to important things in my life – family, hobbies, etc. I am afraid of the lifestyle that will come with success. But, I am changing that to believe that I write my own terms and my own story. Thanks for your supportive words every week 🙂

  73. This show is about a hedge fund where I live in Connecticut. Never worked there, but knew people who did and heard SO many stories.

    Fairfield County is brutal. I grew up here, but when I was a kid, it was old money with manners. My father was a very successful executive in aviation insurance and he was a KIND leader. His job took him all over the world and when he died in 1999, the faxes, letters, and calls from around the globe were all of shock, sadness and deep reverence for a man who was a delight to do business with.

    My experience working FOR executives was mixed, but the last one, who was a successful architect, was (and still is I am sure) more Narcissistic than Narcissus himself.

    I could go on, but will end here and be a lady.

    I am my father’s daughter and will lead in kindness like him.

  74. I can add John Paul DeJoria and Marcus Lemonis to the successful but Nice Guy list. They prove that people want to work with and for people who are respectful.

  75. Thank you, Marie! Phew! Finally, permission to be me. I’ve been taught first hand that to be successful you cannot be nice. My father was a very successful businessman and he instilled in me that kindness and success often don’t mix. I love him dearly, but now that he’s gone and I am building my own freelance writing business online, I’m troubled by that limiting belief and “old school” mentality. The truth is, I am kind. And with all the best of intentions set forth by my dad, I haven’t been able to change who I am. The truth is, I don’t really want to. I think this mindset has been holding me back, however. It has been making me question myself: “Am I a successful negotiator?” “Will I be left to be a door mat?” Interesting, it’s been so far, so good. Kindness is winning. I’m still a smart negotiator (I think so, anyway), and I am not a door mat in any way as I always ask for what I need. Simply, I appreciate the permission to just be me. I’ll stop second-guessing now because it’s working. And being who I am is a whole lot easier.

  76. I use to report to the senior vice president of my company who when asked how she moved up the chain and became successful, she responded bluntly that she had to learn how to be a bitch to survive in the male dominated field that we work in. I had trouble with this attitude and found that being a “bitch” never suited me and is a lonely place to be. Luckily, she moved to another role within the organization and she was replaced by a sweetheart. The word “bitch” is never in her vocabulary. I find her to be more of an inspiration while I’m moving on and starting my own business and I intend to follow her example of sweetness.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Those are such great experiences to make note of and tuck in your pocket of wisdom, Christina. I love your observations and goal!

  77. I loved today’s show! Another example of a successful, lovely, kind person is Marie.

    I think in today’s world, and the direction where we’re going, it’s much easier to become successful by being a kind person than the other way around.

    Thanks Marie for today’s video!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Heidi. XO

  78. Ricki

    Thank you Marie,
    It’s a joy to hear ethics and morality and HONESTY lauded. Yea for you and this segment. Glad to comment as I feel it’s about time someone said publicly how I’ve felt and operated for years. Keep up the good advice!!

  79. I totally resonate with this video. I have always that I have to be a super strong non feminine woman in order to command respect. That my demure and small stature will not be taken seriously. I remember former male bosses telling me “at least you are good to look at” which of course caused me to believe that I need to be an ass-hat to be successful. I was never too successful at being mean…I am REALLY good at thinking mean things to say and performing this scenario in my head or to my closest friends.
    However, as I have gotten older, I have learned that I can be myself and people will appreciate that…and they do! I often hear how real and authentic I am. While I have not reached the success I think I can, I am proud to say I have not checked my integrity at the entrance.

  80. Ok have to acknowledge that all in one… ? ??? Excellent message. ??? Confidence and strength with respect and integrity.

  81. Hi Marie This was just sooooo on the point for me at the moment. I have just left a workplace situation where the boss was manipulative and controled her staff by bullying, intimidation and sarcasm. I thought if this is what it take to succeed ‘I’m outta here’ ! This video came just in time for me.

  82. CAN’T GET OVER HOW MUCH I FREAKIN THINK YOU’RE AWESOME! Stunningly gorgeous and a rockin body….man I wanna be you!!!! ok so MY comment is:

    One of my possible limiting beliefs may be that to be really successful you won’t have a balanced life…that you will have to give up your family or your friends or some aspect of your life….. YES? let me know your thoughts please Marie~! ciao ciao

  83. I have said NO to so many opportunities because something about it did not sit right with my own integrity and I have never regretted it once.

    My motto, I only do things that feel good 🙂

    Loved this reminder to be true to ourselves – listen to your heart!

    Thanks Marie!

    Janet Legere

  84. In retrospect I have to say the thing that held me back was the opposite of being an Ass Hat. In other words being too good, for my own good in short.

    After too many years of being this way I have learned what I stand for and what I stand against, and made this as part of my mission and purpose.

    We recognize Ass Hats that are generally male unfortunately. That’s the male way of so called “success.” I simply see this as being about power, control and ego. There’s a word for that, abuse.

    Having and open heart and mind. That’s the only sure way to real success that has real value.

    Thanks Marie for another great vid kid!

    Catherine Meyers

  85. Katy

    What you give out, you get back. Karma is real. 🙂

  86. Thanks Marie,

    I’m a person who is very passionate about what I do and I’m very moral and ethical. I was working as a manager doing quality job and giving my heart to the organisation and my employees. However, I was bullied by a top manager because I was ethical and correct. What do you think about that? I think that the problem is that there are too many bad-guys who love power who fight the good-guys who are on the way up until they give up… Any advice there?

    Thanks and take care 🙂

    • MJ

      It’s an unfortunate experience you’ve had, that I share. I tried to make it more about the position than me personally, even when they attacked me personally. And I kept on doing it my way.
      In my situation, the bully eventually got fired and the owner came and apologized to me directly. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, others do notice you being strong to stand up while being bullied and stay true to yourself. Hopefully it doesn’t take years for your other managers or the owner to notice. And if it continues, you can always look for another position and mention the bullying during an exit interview. Never good for a company to hear they’re losing talent because of mistreatment by managers.
      Hang in there! You got this!!

      • Thank you so much MJ 🙂

        I was fortunately laid off due to organizational changes so I’m looking for better experiences. I feel bad for those who are left behind, one of them might be a new target.

        I’m so happy for you that everything went well and that the bully got fired- so they saw what an asset you are to the company.

        Take care and continue being as you are <3

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Totally agree with MJ here. The rewards may not always be immediate and obvious, but choosing your own wisdom, your own integrity, and your own confidence over whatever ugliness someone else is expressing is always best long term, for your soul and your life.

      I hope, at some point if not now, that you feel relieved to be out of such an organization and bad experience — like a ticket to something that fits you better and allows you to be your best version of yourself.

      We’re rooting for you 100%! Keep following your heart.

      • Thank you so much Chelsea,

        I already feel better not being part of this bad working-environment 🙂

        Wishing you all Happy Holidays!


  87. Susanne

    Great! Thank you! SO worthy! Kiss & love from Hamburg *

  88. MJ

    hey Marie,
    Many thanks for the well timed, perk me up.

    We have a (small) fair trade biz that competes against some big players, including companies that have billions. Annnnd some of these companies have the reputation for being ‘from the streets’ so are brutal in their business practices. We’ve been up against them for a long time, and their methods do get wearing on our moral at times.

    Despite that, we are keeping on and being our good ole’ sweet selves. And may we become crazy successful without becoming asshats…

  89. Nevena

    It is a great episode. And great subject.

  90. Robyn Paulete

    Growing up I was told that I am too gullible…..and it’s true (to an extent)…I BELIEVE people when they tell me things. I’m very “rose-colored-glasses” and not-pushy…… which can come off as lacking confidence. I think (am believing) that all of these things hold be back in life and in being successful in business. I’m not sure how to be “rosy” and confident without being a bitch (or appearing as one even if I’m not.) <3.

  91. Tracy Bloom

    I recently realized, through b-school, that when I think about being rich, it brings me guilt, fear, stress. I am reminded of the biblical quote, “it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man (woman) to enter heaven”. Also, just viewed your ‘no regrets…’ interview.

    on some level, I don’t believe its OK to be rich. any thoughts?

    • I think we may worry our riches take away from the “pile” of money available. But really there’s plenty to go around. It’s like being well, you don’t think “oh I haven’t been sick in awhile. I should get a cold so other people have a chance to be well.” That’s clearly silly, but for some reason when it comes to money we see it differently. Plus, when you are financially rich you have an even greater capacity to give and help others.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I think it’s more about what people do with their wealth. When you have a lot of money, you have more to give away in supporting causes you believe in. Donating is one way to make the world a better place, and the fact is that nonprofits need money to do the good work they do. Money *can* be used as a vehicle for good, but only if it’s not allowed to foster greed through hoarding. That’s just my two cents, though I hope it offers a different perspective.

  92. Thanks Marie.
    You continuously give succinct insight and crack me up at the same time (ie, asshat, and toots).
    I was hoping you were going to stand up so we could see that rockin’ outfit you were sporting!

  93. Love this topic, but even more I LOVE your outfit.

  94. Jo

    I have a belief that holds me back and that I’m still working on ; I have a lot of difficulty believing that you can enjoy your work.
    I know its silly, but its as though work has to be dull, unenjoyable and hard. If you’re enjoying something then it can’t be work.
    Any hints on how to nail this one on the head are welcome.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Great question, Jo! Marie encourages people to do what lights them up, so it’s definitely possible to enjoy your work. (Get her take in this MarieTV episode: I do think a lot of people struggle with the idea that work can be enjoyable because it goes against what they may have seen in other people or what they may have grown up hearing. It’s a great topic, so we’d love for you to write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom so we can help you submit it for a potential future MarieTV topic!

  95. Ok, now teach me how to do those last four steps.

    I’ve been SO walked on this last week, it ain’t even funny.

    I got some new lyrics to an old song “If you got Integrity, please stand up, please stand up.” I’ve been singing it all week.

  96. Love this episode and could not agree more with you. We can create successful business by being honest and true to who we are. It’s about time with examine these negative beliefs about being successful and even what success means. Thanks for creating this! 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      PREACH! So true, Flavia. 🙂

  97. Lauren

    Thanks for another great video. Would love to see an episode that goes into more about chatacteristics of kick a** leader.
    My big hangup is that owning/running a business and being successful means overwork, exhaustion and burnout. I am prepping for the second iteration of my business and because that happened the first time around I find myself fighting those thoughts constantly. Like walking through quicksand. Any suggestions or list of MARIE TV links?

  98. Great post Marie,

    Wow, I can’t believe that someone’s boss told them to do whatever it takes even if unethical. Such a nice guy. Anyway, one of my assumptions probably originating from the corporate world is that you had to work really, really hard to get ahead. I should have took a hint from some of the managers I saw who only appeared to be moving plants around and redecorating the office (it was an insurance office). LOL! They weren’t working hard at all 🙂

    For a while, I carried this over to the online world… thinking I had to work really hard to have success (be everything to everybody) but I am starting to see that a little differently now. I know realize that you need to just focus on the important tasks… the ones that affect your bottom line. Also, I don’t have to try and do it all. If the other ones still need to be done, you can do them later, outsource them or eliminate them all together.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! You’re absolutely right, Juanita. Marie is a fan of saying “You can have it all, but you can’t do it all,” so prioritizing and outsourcing are key. Nice work!

  99. Audrey Ryan

    I spent ten years working my way up as a sports business professional where women don’t often hold higher more influential positions. Through my journey I came to realize that I was holding myself back from opportunities because of the way I viewed myself, not so much how others viewed me and my accomplishments. To move into higher more influential roles, one had to see themselves and capable and ready to lead in those roles. I found I felt capable and ready, but that I didn’t always exude my ambitions or fight for the open spot the way my male counterparts did. I started owning my part of the problem and worked to change some of my self limiting behaviors. Now twelve years into my career, I am in a higher Director level role for a large software company and moving well into new opportunities as they come up. I think regardless of circumstance, it can always help to look inside and change self limiting perceptions and behaviors.

  100. Tracey

    Loved this video! I worked for several years at a government agency where some groups had decided they had to all be jerks to get things done and I spent a lot of time as a team lead trying to reverse that assumption and be a supportive leader with high expectations for the work they could do.

    As far as a different assumption, I sometimes think I can’t be successful because I live in a smaller city in the Midwest. I get in moods where I think I need to move, even though I love where we live. I try to remember that it’s probably not as necessary to do that as it once was, now that people use the Internet to connect so often, but it will still be a challenge.

    Thanks Marie! Always love the content!

  101. Lauren

    I often wonder some if the interactions with leaders get blown out of proportion because in order to be successful, you must have good boundaries. Not everyone has good boundaries, so when some people see a leader demonstrate boundaries in a way that doesn’t attempt to take care of the way they feel, they think the leader is being an asshole. Yes, there are D-bags who are very successful – in fact, there are apparently many successful sociopaths out there – but I do wonder about this boundaries thing and we live in a world where boundaries are not often shown well. We get to see and have an opinion about every piece of a celebrity’s life if they’re not careful!

  102. Happy, Hoppy & Grace~filled Easter Weekend to you Marie and all those who read this 🙂
    Wishing you a fun weekend with Family and Friends.
    Let’s pray the asshats have an epiphany.. ~~
    Lots of Love,
    Peace and Blessings,

  103. Dawn

    Loved this episode!
    I am working on my “assumption” that others control my success. Difficult to embrace my fears and break through,but, your advice and Q&A Tuesdays have been tremendously helpful.
    Thank you…XO Dawn Marie

  104. Keila B

    I’m afraid and scared of being successful.
    It’s all I want to but I’m afraid.
    This video showed me some part of what this is about: Im afraid of losing myself again. I have a dificult life but i achieved a high level in my profession. but i thought that for that it was necessary to reproduce the same song that my colleagues were playing: they were sexists, machism was a rule… welll, they were jerks and I’m ashamed of writing that but the fact is that, despite on my trajetory, I bought their package and became a jerk too. I feel bad with that. I thought that, that was the only way to be successful, the only way to get there where they were. And guess what? They fired me. And I’m struggling with my self since then because I wanna be successful, I wanna talk to people, I wanna share my opinions and receive direct feedback from peopple but I’m afraid. That’s why I gave up on being a coordinator, being a leader and started to judge my self, what I’ve been doing for the last three years.
    One thing i learned from that.
    I can’t let the world say to me who I am.
    I can’t let my moral, my beliefs, my ethical attitudes, my empathy and compassion at a side becaus I want to be successful. But I never thought on the point of you, you are talking here in this Video Marie. It touched me so deep that you cannot imagine.
    I need to findout another way to express that to the world.
    By the opposite, I’lmm get sick and not able to accomplish my mission in this life. I don’t know if you’re going to read this but I wanna deeply thank you for that. Thank you. <3

  105. aisha abubakar

    amazing just stumbled upon your website. i love this video. amazing

  106. nice keep posting such informative articles.

  107. Ngozi

    I agree with you Marie,I do not believe you have to be dishonest and unethical before you can be successful.Though it takes alot of hardwork ,patience,perseverance and doing the right thing and I do have to admit it’s sometimes frustrating but you will definitely get there.

  108. Completely agree, Marie! I’ve learned a lot about how essential integrity and values are in business since I started really promoting myself. It’s what I encourage in my clients because people love realness. I do book coaching and the best stories are the honest ones, the ones that depict your hero/ine going through the sludge and the swamps of sadness and whatever other struggles to learn what they needed to in order to pass on that knowledge and give hope to others. Hold onto your morals and integrity!

  109. Hi Marie, Nice video and great outfit!

    I believe in the power of negativity/evil, the power of positivity/goodness, and the impotency of waddling in-between the two, which I believe is where most people resonate.

    Examples of some of the most successful positive/good people in history include Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King Jr. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the negative/evil powers include Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Vlad Dracula, and Osama bin Laden.

    It’s important to realize that these two powers coexist, important to claim one or the other as our superpower (not both), and to be true to it so that it fully empowers us.

  110. Rebecca

    I think I have a location block. I sometimes fear that because I don’t live in San Francisco or New York, I’ll never be as successful as I want to be. But I sort of know that’s not true, and also I wouldn’t be happy living in those cities and away from my family, so what would be the point? Add to that I believe in becoming part of the renaissance of my city, where I can point to various external factors saying this is a great place to be right now. Still, when I’m talking to someone, I wonder if they think less of me when I’m not from one of these big metropolises.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      There are people all over the place who need help, so please don’t let that stop you from doing the great work you’re doing in the world. And if you have an online business you can help people all over the world, even people in those big metropolises. 🙂

  111. When you do your job with passion and love that radiates to your clients. That comes from personal experience so this post resonates so much with my beliefs. Thank you!


  112. I often wonder some if the interactions with leaders get blown out of proportion because in order to be successful, you must have good boundaries. Not everyone has good boundaries, so when some people see a leader demonstrate boundaries in a way that doesn’t attempt to take care of the way they feel, they think the leader is being an asshole. Yes, there are D-bags who are very successful – in fact, there are apparently many successful sociopaths out there – but I do wonder about this boundaries thing and we live in a world where boundaries are not often shown well. We get to see and have an opinion about every piece of a celebrity’s life if they’re not careful!

  113. OK. This is why I love you. There is a certain level of clairvoyance here. I swear to God, every time I’m facing some sort of SPECIFIC internal struggle with my determined journey as a creative, you pop in and address the VERY questions that have managed to turn my brain into a washing machine. I watched your most recent MarieTV (and loved it, of course) and thought to myself how much I appreciate that your advice and inspiring motivation is something I can actually RELATE to. Your humor, wit, and sincerity speak to me. But moreover, the fact that every piece of sensible advice you give emphasizes at its core and in its essence the importance of heart and self. Being reminded that my ME-ness is what sets me apart and makes me unique and is what will ultimately deliver on my grit is so damn validating and motivating. I don’t speak the mover & shaker jive. I hardly care about the glass ceiling. And, as an artist, I get overwhelmed by all the “must”s and “should”s – there just isn’t TIME to be a business and marketing whiz on top of creating the very thing I have to whiz! I’ve never identified with the need to be a savvy bitch in order to get what I want. In fact, I’ve always been a firm believer that the WAY a person is and the attitude they bring can actually be the MOST effective tool one has at their disposal – the easiest to accomplish in the moment AND the most portable as well! THANK YOU for reiterating that you don’t have to be an ass hat to be successful (which, by the way, still has me laughing out loud). And just thanks. I’ve been watching you for years and have never really taken the time to comment. I know there are hundreds of positive comments up in here all the time (another thing I love), but another expression of gratitude can’t hurt! Thanks for helping me stay motivated and full of gratitude. You rule.

  114. Such a thought-provoking post and piece. I’ve had quite a few people (who perceive me to be successful) exclaim they’re shocked that I am so ‘nice’ when they meet me, that I’m exactly how I am on my blog and in my vlogs. I do worry that there is a skewed image of how others should behave if they have success-that they must be ruthless and difficult to have achieved (two things I am not). I do also think these preconceptions are closely related to gender inequalities in the workforce too. For example, pre-blogging I was just 1 of 7% of female directors so role models and diversity were hard to come by. Things are slowly changing- and those working digitally are revamping how and who can have success. Another super post and video. Thank you x

  115. sabah

    Hi thank you Marie
    its lovely and great but i did not know how can i start the buieness and did not have enough money.

  116. Hi Marie,
    I think, I might fear, that success is gonna mean a lota more work. Wow. There’s an insight. 😀

  117. Unchallenged belief: In order to be a successful health coach I had to be “perfect” to help others.

    Totally not true! #progressnotperfection
    I am in love with creating relationships, growing organically, and sticking to my why. This is what I needed right now!

  118. Millie Ortiz

    Hi Marie,

    Thank you so much for covering this topic, it really resonated with me. A year ago, I had to leave a job for my own mental sanity after honestly having been workplace bullied by my peers who constantly disagreed with my “sweetheart” leadership style and personality, the time I spent with my staff getting to know them as individuals rather than just as employees, and on my many, many other ways in which I always tried to choose the kinder, more respectful way to approach the job rather than lead by fear, intimidation, or power plays. I constantly felt a battle with my personal integrity and just knowing in my guts that I did not belong in that work environment because I was never going to be accepted, I was always going to be disliked and backstabbed for my difference in opinion on leadership, and I no longer wanted to work in a place where I was literally miserable and stressed out constantly about the next thing I would do wrong because I was not fitting in the staff’s culture and “the way we always done things.” I’d love to see you delve into this further and address workplace bullying because you’d think the drama and competition would’ve ended in high school but I believe it drives good people who are authentic sweethearts away from leadership positions everyday. I normally never comment on videos but this was great, thanks so much for your video.

    With love, Millie O.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh my gosh, I’m really sorry you had to go through that, Millie. Workplace bullying is definitely an important topic, so if you’ll write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom with this info we’ll be happy to help you submit it for a future Q&A Tuesday.

  119. Krupali

    I have a belief that I might have to go through a phase of being broke in order to get to the stage where I’m big and rich (or to deserve it) which might not be true or necessary.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Krupali, nope and we’re so glad you’re re-looking at that belief and questioning it. We’re firm believers around here in everyone deserving even their wildest dreams so we hope you give yourself permission to have them. Thank you for being here with us!

  120. If you are not rich people will attack you. …

  121. Business Mo


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