Marie Forleo: When things go wrong in any of our lives, I feel like the only thing we can control is how we contextualize what actually happened and then how we choose to respond to that experience.
Marie Forleo: Hi. This is Marie, and you’re on the MarieTV Live Call-In Show. Who is this?
Beth: No, it’s not.
Marie Forleo: Yes, it is.
Beth: This is Beth from Brunswick, Maryland.
Marie Forleo: Hey, Beth. We’re so excited to have you on the show.
Beth: Oh, my God, I’m so excited I can’t stand it. I’m sorry.
Marie Forleo: Why don’t you tell us your question, and then we’ll dive into a chat?
Beth: I saved my question so I wouldn’t screw it up here, so I’ve had a rash of bad luck, really bad luck. I lost my business to a fire, and I’m having trouble figuring out who I am because I was always the bakery lady, so, now, I’ve been helping my husband in his barbecue business, and it’s not me. They’re like, Hey, it’s Beth. It’s barbecue queen.” I’m like, “No, that’s not me. I’m the bakery lady,” so I don’t know what to do, but I know that you think everything is figureoutable, so I need your help.
Marie Forleo: Oh, I, first of all, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I think that there’s not a person listening to this right now, myself included, who hasn’t found ourselves at some point feeling like, “Oh, my goodness, everything just keeps going wrong.” Whether that’s a period of days, weeks, months or years, life has a way of presenting some challenges, and, sometimes, those are stacked, so I’m really, really sorry because I can’t even imagine what that feels like to lose your bakery to a fire, and I’m so happy that you called us because, yes, I do believe, I know in my bones, Beth, that everything is figureoutable, and I love that you’re calling right now because that tells me that you, too, believe it. Even though we might not have it all figured out quite now, the fact that you’re willing to consider that idea is awesome, because that means that there’s the possibility for growth. There’s the possibility for a new perspective, which hopefully we’ll be able to find that together right now. Cool?
Marie Forleo: Awesome, so one of the best ideas that I’ve ever heard, and this one has been around for a while, but I think it’s really useful right now, it’s this notion, it’s another belief if you will, just like everything is figureoutable. It’s an idea that some people don’t prescribe to, but I do, and it’s the thought that your life happens for you and not to you, so, sometimes in my life, when things seem to keep going wrong and when I keep bumping into walls again and again or there’s just a problem after a problem after a problem, I’ll repeat that to myself as a way to reground in a notion that I live in a friendly and growth-oriented universe and that, whatever is occurring right now, there’s a possibility for me to see it through the lens of this is an opportunity for me to grow, this is an opportunity for me to learn something, to get stronger, to step back and to reshape either how I’m processing my world, how I’m responding to challenges or there’s something that’s valuable and good.
Marie Forleo: There’s some learning or growth opportunity in this if I am willing to look for it and find it. Now, I know that might sound Pollyanna. It’s like, “Easy for you to say. You didn’t lose your business to a fire,” but when things go wrong in any of our lives, I feel like the only thing we can control is how we contextualize what actually happened and then how we choose to respond to that experience. It’s the life preserver I hold on to very similar to the notion that everything is figureoutable. It allows me to pull myself back up and look through a clear lens. Have you ever heard that idea before, Beth?
Beth: I believe you’ve said it.
Marie Forleo: No, the one about life happening for you and not to you?
Beth: It makes sense. It’s just that it’s hard to see until you, oddly, between you and Gabriella Bernstein, until one of you to say it, it doesn’t really happen for me.
Marie: Yes, and so, hey, same thing for me. I love picking up books. I love listening to audios and podcasts. I think that that is the service that we can provide one another is to remind each other of truths that we know deep down, but just sometimes in our human day-to-day lives that we can forget, so, I’m curious, what actions you’re taking right now in terms of… We heard that you’re working with your husband in his particular business, but I’m curious if you have a plan to start resetting yourself and regaining or re-stepping into what you feel like is more you rather than him.
Beth: I haven’t really. I started to put out the fact that I can still bake, but I have to bake from home, and it’s a different realm, and it’s… but the whole time that both of our businesses were going, mine was $2 brownies, $2 brownies, $2 brownies, and his was $10 sandwich, $10 sandwich, so I wasn’t going to go anywhere with it, so that’s why, like you said, and one of your things was if you keep trying and you just don’t know if you’re even… why are you still trying, and that’s the other side. It’s like I guess I could bake from home and go back to farmers’ market like I originally started, but, I don’t know, is that me now?
Marie Forleo: Let me ask you this. When you imagine yourself starting to bake from home again, close your eyes for a moment, and I just want you to tap into your heart if you can. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Imagine yourself starting to bake from home, going back to those farmers’ markets and selling your brownies or whatever it is else that you might want to bake and sell. Do you feel a sense of expansion and excitement or do you feel a sense of dread or pulling back, just the first thing that comes to your heart and your mind?
Beth: I feel like it’s excitement,
Marie Forleo: Okay.
Beth: But I thought I tested the theory and found out it wasn’t right.
Marie Forleo: Here’s what I want to propose to you, so, just the idea or the notion of you baking again, which it sounds like you’re not doing right now, right?
Beth: I might have a cake in the oven right now.
Marie Forleo: Oh, that makes me excited. I wish I could come have a cake with you, Beth, because I am a fan of the cake, but here’s the thing. Just the fact that you feel a little bit of excitement, you do not have to commit to doing this long term, but, whenever we’ve had any kind of setback or any kind of challenge and we feel a little bit off-kilter, I always feel like getting back in the game and getting moving again and having momentum is how we find clarity, so, you probably remember this, another one of my favorites, clarity comes from engagement, not thought, so, if even the notion of you going like, “Hey, just for the next two months, I’m going to start baking my brownies again,” or, “I’m going to bake my… I’m going to bake some cakes,” or, “Maybe I want to change my pricing structure. Maybe I want to be the most expensive brownies at the farmers’ market and people will be like, ‘What’s Beth putting in those brownies because this must be something special?'”
Marie Forleo: I don’t know, but I do know that by you taking steps towards what feels joyous and what feels exciting to you, your next steps are going to appear. They never come when we’re sitting on the couch thinking about it. They don’t come from a place of stuckness or… When I say stillness, I don’t mean meditation, and that’s awesome, but I just mean hanging out, waiting for the answers to come to us. I find that the best insights come when we’re moving, physically moving, taking a spin class, being on a treadmill, taking a run outside, walking through a park, going on a hike or moving, doing the actions that we feel could lead us in the directions of our dreams.
Marie Forleo: You don’t need to know the big picture right now, my friend. You just need to get moving again and then start paying attention to the signals. Who knows who you’re going to meet in the farmers’ market? Who knows what’s going to happen once you start baking those brownies and an email comes in from nowhere? We can’t predict what’s going to show up, but I can tell you this. If you follow the joy and you follow the excitement, that’s where the magic in life lies, and I think that’s what’s going to help you start regaining that sense of identity that you haven’t been in touch with recently, and that’s what’s going to have your energy start moving again and the next steps really will reveal themselves.
Beth: You’re amazing. Thank you so much. Everything seems like you just lifted a veil. It makes complete sense.
Marie Forleo: Oh, I don’t know, you just got us real hungry. I’m wanting a brownie. I’m like where’s Beth’s brownies?
Beth: They’re gluten and dairy-free. Does that help at all?
Gregory Patterson: Yes.
Marie Forleo: It actually really does help because we’ve got at least one member of Team Forleo who must have gluten-free, and she just-
Beth: The cake is vegan.
Marie Forleo: Whoa, come on, Beth. I’m telling you, yes.
Gregory Patterson: Really nice. What’s your address?
Gregory Patterson: What’s your address?
Marie Forleo: Gregory is like, “What’s your address? We’re coming over, baby.”
Marie Forleo: Exactly.
Beth: Clifton, New Jersey.
Marie Forleo: Yeah, so, I’ll tell you what, you keep going. Keep us posted, but stay in touch. I think there’s another lesson that can come out of this for you. We were talking about this idea that life is always happening for me, not to me. If you take some time and journal about this, I would challenge you to find 10 great lessons that have come out of this experience, and I know one of them right now, and, again, this is going to sound kind of a little self-indulgent. I don’t mean it that way at all. It may not be me that you found value in.
Marie Forleo: Again, there can be lots of other people, but I know, for me, when I get out of the habit of staying in touch with things that inspire me or doing things that I know are really great for my mind, body or soul and I leave those habits or practices, and then I’m like, “What the hell did I stop doing that for? That was working for me. Why did I drop off or fall off the wagon?” so one of your lessons is to stay in touch with sources of inspiration and motivation that really resonate for you, and those might change over the years, but have something that you can always listen to or digest or read that’s going to remind you of your greatness and that’s going to help you stay on track with your heart’s greatest desire.
Beth: Thank you so much.
Marie Forleo: You’re so welcome. Thank you. We believe in you, and we can’t wait to hear about this next exciting chapter in your journey.
Beth: Thank you. Thank you so much.
Marie Forleo: Bye, Beth.
Gregory Patterson: Absolutely, YAS.
Marie Forleo: Yes?
Gregory Patterson: Yes.
Marie Forleo: What was your favorite part about that?
Gregory Patterson: The very, very, very, very, very, very end, 10 great lessons like gratitude, like my life happens for me, not to me, writing those down, keeping that mindfulness around them so that you don’t sit on the couch and just wait for it. You get up, and you’re like, “Yeah, I did do that two days ago. I created this experience. I’m going to go do that again.”
Marie Forleo: I think mining the lessons of growth that happened from really challenging experiences is a way to remind ourselves that there is always value if we’re willing to look for it. There is some gift of growth, some opportunity to get stronger, some lesson that helps us become wiser and more experienced as we move through life if we really actually look for it, and making a little list of those 10 lessons is a great way to make it happen.
Gregory Patterson: It’s that language that you’re saying to you, for me, this is happening for me. A breakup, it’s happening for me, not to me.
Marie Forleo: Yeah. Again, I didn’t make that one up, y’all. That’s been around for a while, but it is so useful, and I think all of us should use it.