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Eric in the shot, yo. Eric in the shot, what? Eric in the shot, yo. Eric in the shot.
Hey, what’s up? It’s Marie Forleo, and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be if you want to create a business and life you love. Now, on this episode we’re gonna talk about something that I think affects almost everyone, and that’s when you feel envious of other people. So this is Q&A Tuesday and today’s question comes from Lauren who writes:
“Hey, Marie. I’m a huge fan of you and your team and the show. I’m a 24 year old woman who has a jealousy problem. I’m a nice person, but I’m constantly comparing myself to other women, specifically in business, physically, intellectually, humor-wise, and in all human traits. Logically I know that I’m unique, but emotionally I always wonder ‘why couldn’t I look more like that?’ Or ‘why didn’t I think of that business idea first?’ How can I stop these jealous thoughts and become more confident? Thanks so much, Lauren.”
Lauren, fantastic question. Now, before we go any further, what I think you’re feeling is envy, my friend, not jealousy. You see, jealousy is what you feel when you think someone’s trying to snatch something that’s yours. Like if somebody’s making the move on your man or your lady or your best friend.
Hey, Jams. Do you wanna be best bros?
Yeah, I wanna be best bros.
Hey, I thought we were best bros!
Hey. Don’t be peanut butter and jealous, bro.
Envy, on the other hand, as ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle puts it, is the pain caused by the good fortune of others. It’s that desire that we get for other people’s traits or their possessions or their abilities.
Hey, you guys. I just found out. I’m gonna be on the cover of Hair Envy magazine.
That’s nice, Marie.
Yeah, really happy for you.
But here’s the thing, Lauren, envy does not have to be a bad thing if you know how to turn that beat around and really use it to your advantage. And here’s how.
Step number one is don’t hate, celebrate. You know what that means? That means you gotta say yes to feeling that feeling. You want to know why? Because that feeling is likely an indicator of some place in your life that deserves a lot more focus and attention. I mean, I’ve found that whenever I feel envious of someone, that’s a place I really need to step up my game.
Look, I love seeing people win, even if it makes me feel a little bit envious. Because you know why? It shows me, “wow. If he did it or she did it, you know what? That means I can do it, too.” And oftentimes in this life it’s really hard to become what you don’t see. You know, a lot of us really need to see examples of other people doing things before we can even understand what’s possible in our own lives.
So step number one is you gotta appreciate, you got to congratulate, and, yes, you have to celebrate both that feeling and the person who triggered it for you.
Step number two is investigate. So now it’s really time – you’ve gotta dig deeper. What I want you to do is take out a pen and a paper and jot some things down. I want you to write down exactly what you’re envious of, and this is really important, WHY?
So, for instance, if you’re envious of someone’s let’s say financial success, you might say initially, “well, I just want more money.” But I want you to go deeper and go further. Is it really the freedom that you think money is gonna provide for you? Do you want to own your own house? I mean, maybe you just want to travel more. Now, if it’s something about someone’s appearance, for instance, what is it about that that you really want? Is it wanting the feeling of being more confident, or do you just never find the time to get your butt to the gym and work out? So you’ve got to get brutally honest and write everything down.
Then I want you to ask two very important questions. So number one, are you willing to really put in the time and the effort and the energy to create those results in your life? That’s question number one. And question number two is this, is developing that skill or that trait or that ability or result really aligned with your priorities and your goals right now?
Because here’s the thing, I don’t want you to let envy take you off track and start chasing all these other people’s dreams. Because I got to tell you, that is a recipe for misery, my friend. And here’s what’s great about this step: once you find out what you’re envious of and why, when you really investigate, some of your envy just might evaporate. Right? So you might discover you might not really want what someone else has or you might not be willing to do the work or put in the effort to get there right now.
But that doesn’t mean that envy is gonna go away. So if you do all these steps and it doesn’t evaporate, we got to move on to step number three.
Step number three is activate. Meaning if you see something that you want to emulate, it is time to activate. You need to initiate and generate so that you can accelerate that which you want to accumulate, and then you can eliminate what tends to aggravate and contaminate, but does not stimulate. And once you do that, as a human you will graduate and affiliate to that which you appreciate. And know, my friend, I do not exaggerate. And once you’re done, you can celebrate with some chocolate.
And if none of that made any kind of sense, get your ass to work. You’ve got to get moving on those things that you most want to have. Because, guess what? You can absolutely have them. And that, my friend, is how you turn envy into a very positive and motivating force. And if you ever forget, you need to roll up on this Tweetable.
Envy isn’t the enemy, it’s a valuable clue to who you want to be and how to get there.
That’s what I’ve got for you, Lauren. If you use it, I promise you it will help. And now I would love to hear from you. So tell me, what’s the one thing that you envy right now? Why do you envy that thing, and what’s really underneath it? Most important, what’re you gonna do about it? Leave a comment below and let me know.
Now, as always, as you know, the best conversations happen over at MarieForleo.com, so head on over and leave a comment now. And once you’re there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider. You’re gonna get instant access to a powerful audio I created called How to Get Anything You Want. It is so good. You’re also gonna get some exclusive content, some special giveaways, and some updates from me that I just don’t share anywhere else.
Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because the world really does need that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching, and we’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.
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Shut up. Shut up!
Bro. Oh, God.
Was it a good confetti throw? Okay, good.
Hey, I thought we were best…
Hey! I thought we were best bros. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don’t be peanut butter and…