Marie Forleo introduction

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I'm Marie

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Are you secretly jealous of someone who seems to “have it all”? Doesn’t matter how experienced or spiritual you believe you are.

Don’t hide your envy, ride your envy -- from 'she has what I want' to 'I’ll have what she’s having'. Click To Tweet

We human beings are, after all, are human.

Translation? We all slip into this envy state every now and again.

It happens at every level of ‘success’ and every stage of our evolving consciousness.

In today’s episode of MarieTV, get the good news about your envy, and how you can use it to fuel you.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

How do you deal with envy when it pops up for you?

Leave a comment and let me know.

Do share with as much detail as you can.

Every week, I’m floored by the incredible insights and ahas that are sparked within our amazing community.

Thank you in advance for making this one of the most supportive, inspiring and generous places to hang on the internet.

And, thanks so much for watching, reading and sharing!

With so much love,

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250 comments

  1. Great advice, as usual, Marie.

    We’ve all become talented editors. My girlfriend calls the current phenomena on social media as “curated lives.” I simply call it FB envy (though it translates to all platforms).

    I just have to keep in mind that my view is limited when looking at other’s photoshopped lives. And I always keep this quote in mind:

    “To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is: dissatisfaction with self.” ~Joan Didion

    In that way, envy is ultimately useful.

    • Totally agree with the “curated lives” comment! I’ve actually taken to teaching my clients about this for a few minutes when we’re coaching, because the FB envy thing is THAT prominent!

      • Dissatisfaction with self drives SO much of our lives. Kind of a bummer, and yet, part of growth.

        • dora

          I agree, it’s a look into self . I found that my times of jealousy came when observing or listening to others in their situation and achievements . Mostly career wise ,and I was always jealous because I would say to myself that’s where I should be . So,after a while and then I ask myself why am I not . This question led to an in-depth study of myself . I considered myself intelligent, very talented but something kept me achieving what I wanted . I’ve study everything from the Myers and Briggs Personality Test to all the influences of my years growing up, and realize how all these things influenced my life and life decisions . I listened to the great thinkers like Rohn, Covey ,Canfield, Tracy which led me to great business minded people like Marie, . Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot about myself . My weaknesses and my strength . I’m living my dream career . I work daily on my weaknesses and use my strength to move forward ,to ultimately ,where I want to end up . I have a ways to go but I am no longer as jealous , I’ve always been happy and proud for others it was never about them . Now,when I come across those emotions I stop and ask myself ,what is causing me to feel this way and what am I not doing that I should be doing , that is causing these feelings . I’ve realize that jealousy is an emotion that one has about oneself

      • It really is, Kristen. I have a girlfriend who is obsessed with all of it.
        When she was single, she’d look at all the wedding pictures and couples’ vacations and lose her mind over it. Sad because she has so much going for her.

    • Great points as normal, Emelia! That quote by Joan Didion totally sums it up. It is so easy to look at the best parts of what people put out there and compare my entire journey to it.

      One thing that has been working for me is EFT. It allows me to work through my emotions. Through EFT, I acknowledge what I’m feeling. Then I forgive myself for feeling it. All feelings are natural and there is nothing wrong with having them. Emotions show us sensitive points that need our attention. By glossing over it, you’re only going to keep feeling it.

      Since having tapped on my envy, I no longer feel that way about others’ successes. Now, I just seem to put more pressure on myself, but I’m tapping on that too as it comes up. EFT is awesome!

      • Shellyann Jackson

        Ms. Pillowz can you please share what is EFT? Thx

      • EFT stands for the Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is also commonly known as ‘tapping’. You tap on the meridian points of your face and upper body while focusing on the thing that is upsetting you. By acknowledging your pain, you can then release it and tapping on the meridian points helps with this. It’s an amazingly quick process. I’ve been a practitioner for years and still get blown away by it’s speed and gentleness. Hope this helps! Julie x

        • Frankey

          I’ve used and studied EFT, TAT accupressure, Healing Codes, FasterEFT, personally done Gupta Programme, and (researched only) Lightning Process. What i’ve learned is that they all do the same thing: Interrupt. Interrupt. Interrupt. You interrupt a negative bad habit. And replace it (or even reset) with a happy feeling. But the hard part of it is being aware of your bad habits. Or digging up bad habits that is deep in your subconscious. We all have toxic thoughts that we are not even aware of. So it’s important to have self-aware and be aware of trigger words, or even images or people that might stir-up up negative feelings. I went through 3 EFT practitioners, and I could not relate, because the words they used didn’t evoke bad habits. I finally used Gupta Programme to finally evoke the bad buried feelings. When the negativities came out, you literally self talk yourself and forgive yourself and start retraining your brain or yourself. If you do EFT, make sure you know yourself very well. Make sure the practictioner can help you discover yourself with the appriopriate trigger words. If not, self-awareness is vital. Technically you don’t need the tapping. Robert from FasterEFT said any interruption is fine. As long as you interrupt.

    • This social media trend is fascinating and I often find myself intrigued by others. Some do paint a perfect picture and others do not filter (and they really should). Still, others create filters specifically to attract attention portraying themselves different from who they really are.

      Definitely curated!

      The connections I make offline are more real, more fun, and provides a better picture. 🙂

      • Gotta agree with this one! Sometimes MORE filtering wouldn’t be a bad thing! lol

    • Love that quote Emelia, thank you. You always bring the gorgeous, insightful thunder 🙂 xo

      • “Gorgeous, insightful, thunder.” One of THE best compliments I ever received. XO

    • Shyralee

      Being dissatisfied with where I am hits me right in between the eyes. Great quote.

    • Insightful thunder indeed ! Amen. Your insight is on point , it’s so good I had to hashtag it! #photoshoppedlives #curatedlives

    • Ooh! I love this quote, Emelia! You’re so right, envy is very useful, as long as you’re conscious.

      It has helped me recognize what it is that I truly want, numerous times! Sometimes our bodies or our subconscious wants something so bad, but we’re not aware of it. Envy helps to bring it to surface.

      • Very true, Osha. Awareness is EVERYthing.

    • I hate feeling envy for others, the way it reflects on me it’s when something I needed was pretty hard to get and then someone else gets it real quick and without the sacrifice. Then I think stop girl, and start thinking about the things I got without struggling and then I feel good with myself. But envy is an effective fuel for us to step up and like a reality check of what you really want in life.

    • Shellyann Jackson

      I am so grateful for this segment and thanks to the lady who was brave enough to ask the question also thanks Marie for choosing that question. I too struggle with envy and I’ve tried so hard to fight it, I punish myself for feeling that way whenever it happens, I never thought it was a push to inspire me. Thank you all so much, now I’m better prepared to deal with those emotions and rise to being my very best.

    • “Envy is ofte a clue that there is something waiten inside you that needs to come out”.

      THAT my friends is GOLD 😉

      • Theresa Sumpter

        Love this!

  2. Ooh, great topic, Marie. I love when you cover the more taboo stuff. 🙂

    I also try to see envy as nothin’ but information. As a coach, when it pops up I’ve trained myself (and my clients) to think, “Oh, that’s interesting. I must care about this. I wonder what it is I VALUE about this.” It’s a great way to turn negative-ish envy into something constructive.

    Typically, when I’m jealous of someone, it’s because they have something that I value … that I don’t yet have. It says nothing about them, and everything about ME. Taking ownership of my envy is key!

    • “Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.” ~Elizabeth O’Connor

      • sarha

        I like that quote because I am unable to obtain the life of people I envy. I don’t have the same personality so no matter how much I try I can’t seem to get there.

  3. It’s a great tip to remember that jealousy/envy is usually a signal that someone has what we want, and it’s cool to be mindful of what you want, but you also make an assumption about what’s really going on behind the scenes. So often there’s a lot of stuff we don’t see, so it was cool to hear about the pre-existing “filter” – not just from the other person, but the filter that WE have around what we THINK something is really like. I’ve known some very successful people who’ve been miserable people BECAUSE of their so-called success. We just don’t know what’s really going on in the world of others. Instead of comparing, we need to remember to stay the course in our own life.

  4. Hi Marie,

    Thanks for today’s video. I love your advice about feeling the entire spectrum of emotions we have as human beings.

    My action is writing down everything I’m feeling in full detail. Then, 75% of the time I already feel much better. Once I read what I’ve written I feel a sense of clarity that allows me to move forward.

    Like anything, continued practice will yield favorable and faster results each time.

    • I do this exact same ritual! Get it all out on paper so I’m not directing all of my power on dark naughty thoughts that have no purpose. Sisterhood has saved me from envy. I honor sisterhood in my life and it is the core value of Mentor Masterclass. Since incorporating sisterhood as our leading mission in the process of training the women in Mentor Masterclass to become coaches their income has tripled and they are getting paying clients in the first two months of starting the training. Through careful tracking I can see this is because the women are directing there focus on growth, supporting each other and learning to receive. There’s no time for scarcity and judgement when you feel held in sisterhood and supported. Plus we openly vent in the weekly sister circle calls as part of the course when comparison comes up so we can shine the light on it and set it free! This has worked for me personally and literally translated into dream cash income for my clients that jealousy used to keep away.

  5. Test the rainbow – Love it!!;-)

    • Jessica

      I will write down on a piece of paper and try analyze what are the traits or things that he or she has that contributes to his or her success. Next, if I want to achieve what he or she achieves, will set my goals and make a plan to make it come true. Maybe next time when he or she sees me, I am the one who is jealous of.

  6. LOVE THIS.

    As a financial planner and money coach, I see jealousy and envy abound–and it doesn’t have to be that way!

    Remember that old quote–“Don’t compare your inside to someone else’s outside.”

    (Much like the “Filter Factor.”)

    And, when my clients feel jealousy or envy, I help them feel content with what they have already–WHILE they start taking action toward a new life.

    People can start working with too much angst and fear-based thinking when they hear “all you have to do is work for it!”

    If I can help my clients see, “dang! I have it SO GOOD right now!” they can take action from a place of abundance, and the process to the next level FEELS better and more sustainable.

    Love love love this topic, Marie!

  7. Thanks for tackling this issue and for (in a way) normalizing envy on some level. While I often try to use feelings of envy as fuel, to try and get things done, it’s still easy to get overwhelmed at how quickly or effortlessly others “seem” to have manifested what they want. But in truth I will never know how easy or difficult something was for someone else to accomplish.
    I just have to remember that we all have to go at our pace in life and that we all have our own journey and that patience is key. And in truth, a lot of things and experiences that I have always wanted have already shown up. I think it helps to take personal inventory at how far we have already come in life in terms of checking off our “to do” list (or “to have” or “to be” list for that matter).

    • Beautiful Aziza. Yes on not knowing someone else’s journey, yes on our own pace and YES on gratefully acknowledging what we have.

  8. Krissy

    I love this! My favorite part was that idea of not being jealous of what someone has accomplished but giving them a high five and realizing that it can be done. Now I just need to figure out how to do it! 🙂

  9. “the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight real”

    • Christy

      Yes. Great insight and so true.

  10. A trending theme today, this was shared by a friend of mine from the NY Times:
    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/11/your-money/Envy-is-no-basis-for-financial-planning.html?smid=nytnow-share&smprod=nytnow&_r=0

    When I read that and watched today’s episode, I’m also reminded of a quote I read many, many years ago (sorry to say I’m not sure who said it): It’s not about having what you want, but wanting what you have.

  11. I simply become friends with the person. No need to play psychic and creep around bushes, I can gain a friend and cool points if I buddy up

  12. Great insights in the video and from everyone in the comments. I love this topic, because it is like a dirty little secret we all think we are keeping yet it’s a secret all of us, ALL OF US, harbor. Basically, if we were honest about being envious every so often we’d all feel a lot less alone.

    And, I totally agree with the last point. I always have said we can use jealousy (or any emotion really) as information. I always called it the “jealousy cue.” If you’re feeling envious of something someone else is doing or something someone else has, it means you are drawn to that, and want it for yourself. It’s possible to not be aware of these desires until jealousy points them out to you!

  13. Love this topic Marie! I recently read something by Mastin Kipp which was had a similar message about using envy to fuel you. But it’s something I need to hear every day!
    Also, love that you said not to fight envy. The more you resist, the more it persists. Total awesome sauce. Thank you!

  14. For me, the worst part of envy is what it turns into. It goes from simple information like
    “she has that, I do not.” Then it becomes:
    “I wish I had that; I will never have that” And finally the ugly monster:
    “She thinks she is better than me, well I’m better than her because I don’t have that.”

    I have officially closed my mind to the possibility of having that thing I might have wanted. Just for safety, I also end up closing my mind to anything that might be slightly similar to that thing. And I have boxed myself in. I don’t even have to know the other person or even what that thing is.

    I love that idea of opening ourselves to “taste the rainbow” of emotion. Great MarieTV today!

  15. Great video today Marie! It IS important to remember that we are not alone in our struggles. We too could stand to filter and highlight the GOOD in our own lives instead of letting the bad emotions hold on too long. I’m inspired to “taste the rainbow” and move on. Thanks!

  16. Flip jealousy over and you have the other side of the coin – INSPIRATION.

    Whatever anyone else is, has or does is proof that you can, too.

  17. Love this piece on positive and negative emotions. I do something called ancestral healing where we release this kind of stress from up the genetic line, helping more than just ourselves! (mimi@healthyenergetics.com)

    Envy for me has been major. I couldn’t even breath due to deep envy. Everything I felt that was bad turned into envy. “They” didn’t have a hard time. “They” became so big behind my tears, I couldn’t even focus on one. It was the big blurry “they”.

    Clearing up envy has been a process of transcending the situation until I can see it another way. The event wasn’t a BAD thing. It was just bigger at that moment than I could understand! It is like those Magic Eye books. You have to focus till your brain can work it out. I also use a labyrinth to get my whole brain around an issue. I was surprised that health issues are simply the mess that gathers around a “Hurting issue”. So clear it out friends. Its very powerful.

  18. Stella

    Envy – be happy for others- let them shine
    Do your own thing and have fun as a part of the puzzle of life.

    • Petra

      beautifully said, thank you 🙂

  19. A friend of mine said, when I said: I just want to be her…she responded: oh yeah, really? That means you have to get the whole package…including her … husband! 🙂

    What we hear is never the whole story, so I always keep that in mind, if I want something she is having I also have to take her ugly ears 🙂

    Thanx Marie, love your humor

  20. As always Marie, great advice- I always look forward to your videos on Tuesdays. I always remind myself not to compare my “behind the scenes, to someone else’s highlight reel”.

  21. Chrissi

    I am rolling on the floor in hysteria. I just said that I was jealous of someone on TV and then pulled up my email and within 10 minutes this article showed up. Just brilliant! Thank you Marie 🙂

    • Jill

      Chrissi!

      ME TOO! I just realized all the critical feelings I have been having towards a person in my life lately have been out of jealousy. BOOM! Marie telling me how to handle my jealousy!

  22. Petra

    Great video, thanks Marie.

    For me when envy pops up I try to remember that concept about not comparing my beginning to someone else’s middle or ending. They are likely further along the road than me in some areas so it is useless comparing results as the only truthful comparison is comparing yourself to yourself.

    Also when positive, amazing results are popping up all around me I remind myself that it is a sign that I too am close to and already on the road to experiencing those same results myself. Like does attract like and seeing other people’s results are simply proof that your very own are right around the corner. I do my best to turn around those moments of “poor me” into getting more focused.

    Petra 🙂

  23. Stella

    Come to Toronto Marie Forleo – we would love to have you!

  24. Jo

    What a poignant day to open up this topic. While we’ve all heard the news that the world’s lost a bright, shining star in Robin Williams, it does well to remind us that fear, envy, depression and the notgoodenoughs can and do strike any of us and no amount of money or fine living can shelter us from those feelings. I’ve just written a poem about the filters we put on things and I wonder whether if more of us shared a few more of those ‘real’ moments (in a funny, positive way) we could curate a different kind of relationship with those who seek to emulate us.

    “..If you find this uplifting consider downshifting that endless comparing for your own mental health
    Beauty and riches are Instagram bitches existing as waxworks behind a fisheye lens: she bends the truth by stealth but
    True wealth is had by living
    Onion-smelling cardigan-wearing real-life living
    Are you in? Oh, you’re in? Then get up, my love. Go bury yourself
    In something worth curating
    We’re waiting.”

  25. Balencia

    Really? Your biggest non-postable is a fight over croissants? Marie, your over privileged petticoat is showing big time. Real folks with real problems are facing illness, disability, the inability to work because we’re supporting elderly parents or disabled kids, or working 12 hour days and barely making ends meet. Some very capable folks live with life choking depression and struggle with mind altering medications. Our not so ready for prime time lives include divorce, abuse, neglect, loneliness and abandonment.

    Your A to this Q only serves to widen the chasm between those who struggle to hold to the threads of their dreams in the face of those who wake up to their “Josh”, their overflowing bank accounts, their beautiful happiness and dream fed careers.

    My a advice? If you have real daemons please share them. If not, you’re not yet qualified to A this Q. But have no fear. Life will intervene. You will know when you are ready to give this one a second try.

    • Balencia, I’m happy you shared your thoughts. You make some great points, but in your judgment you’re missing some key information.

      My biggest non-postable is not about croissants. Like everyone else, I have challenges in my life and often, they involve others. But here’s the thing, not all the people in my life have asked to be in the public eye so not everything I experience is suitable for an episode. I’m sure you can understand that, and hope you can respect it. I choose examples and stories that are appropriate to share, and relate to the question asked.

      I chose this particular example because there’s not anyone on the planet who’s had an argument with a loved one, or anyone else for that matter, regardless of the subject matter and thought to themselves,“Hey, I should really capture this right now and share on social media.” If you want a different take on this subject of life comparison, please watch When Life Hands You A Sh*t Sandwich (http://www.marieforleo.com/2011/03/life-hands-sht-sandwich/).

      I’m aware of the pain in suffering in this world and am committed to being a part of the solution vs. part of the problem. Amongst other efforts, that includes expressing encouragement, love, acceptance and humor as much as I possibly can.

      I know that there are many people in the world dealing with incredibly serious issues. Look at our collective loss of the incredibly brilliant Robin Williams. He made the world laugh and cry and had everything the world would traditionally define as success. But, in the end, he was unable to find joy or peace himself. This episode is not about glazing over anything or simplifying the vast scope of the human condition. It is about really taking a deeper look at envy, at jealousy, and seeing where there might be learning lessons in those emotions.

      As far as I know, we only have one go-around and my deepest desire it to make it count and help others to do the same.

      • Marie – like always well handled. Thank you for showing us diplomacy and empathy even during your comments.

      • I’ve never commented before although I read the comments every week – but I simply can’t resist this time.
        Perfect response, Marie.
        You are a bright light and should never feel badly for all you have accomplished. Your dedication to make others lives better doesn’t go unnoticed, and frankly I love that you are so successful and happy while spreading wellness into the world. Isn’t that we all wish for?
        To me, you are the ultimate role model for “I’ll have what she’s having”.
        You have already changed my life via your weekly content and b-school more than you will ever know. I was that 12-15 hour per day worker, battling an auto-immune disease, I was even without my own roof over my head at one point.
        The gifts you put out into this world helped me to transform my entire life.

        • I agree with you Angela!
          Happy to hear Marie has also helped transform YOUR life!

      • Shyralee

        While we are exploring envy. I think it is important that we give voice to the spiritual sister inside ourselves as she is the only one that has the vantage point of eternity. We cannot explain the scope if human experience without her. My soul remembers more than most people and Marie this is not your first go around. You are much too experienced in navigating on this physical realm. Marie you have had your share of woes in a human life. We all have. This earth stuff is hard stuff. Envy is a really low feeling emotion, and what Marie is sharing is a skill ill to see it from a different viewpoint of inspiration to action. She is not minimizing the pain of others.

        I can identify with you Balencia. I too have had more than my share of shitty things however Marie is in a completing life …a teaching life. When a soul is ready to become oversoul she brings all parts of herself together and leaves something wonderful for humanity. Inspiration. Yes you can see this beautiful legacy she is living and leaving but what you don’t see what faith she has had to walk out daily to be where she is. It is hard to manifest on this planet of lower energies and to find a higher energy to grab hold of and move with. It’s hard for all of us. I often thing if I only had hair like Marie…but it’s not her hair that has helped to to step out in faith.

        The one and only thing that any if us have on this planet that is “fair” is that we all have the chance to do the best we can with what we have everyday. In this is the beauty and magic of life.

        • Shyralee

          I have one note to add.

          I believe that Marie has everything she needs to live the live she chose to live. She has the hair, the parents, the opportunities.

          We all each and every one of us have what we need. Including the crappy experiences that we need to shape who we need to become to be fulfilled. It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful it all is.

          Even the violation, the dark places and the struggle.

          Every hardship we go through causes us to reach for more…to dig deeper and over time this fortifies our connection with our higher self. Our truest self, so that all of our beauty can be made manifest on this plane. It is what we do as souls. Create wild planets and grow with it and then transform it with our beauty.

          Keep your chin up Balencia. You are doing deep work:)

      • Jon

        Marie, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

        I wanted to mention some things in relation to Balencia’s comment. So to Balencia and anyone else who feels that way: I really think the point was missed here… The episode talked about using someone else’s success as a way to fuel our inspiration. Now, who better to tell us about this than someone who wasn’t born with a silver spoon in their mouth (i.e. Marie). If you have seen her in the past you have heard her stories of growing up, etc. If you haven’t, I suggest going back to see whats happened in her life before her success.

        Also, success isn’t about just money… could we learn from her example on how to deal with adversity?, keep calm in enraging situations in life? responding with grace and love to someone who may have a limited view of the whole picture? etc., etc. – now THAT’S success!

        Yes, while fighting over a croissant may seem petty but we must remember some important factors of MarieTV. 1.) it calls upon humor whenever possible and 2.) this show isn’t meant to be like Oprah where people open up about their deepest secrets. Therefore, not a petty example. After all, she is enjoying her life to that degree because SHE WORKED HER TAIL OFF FOR IT! – Most people just want the croissant… but not the work that’s involved in getting it – How’s that for a tweetable Marie? *wink* lol

        It is true that many people go through serious problems like the one’s you mentioned Balencia. Some are even out of their control, some money can’t fix, some can’t be solved by faking a positive attitude or “magical thinking” or simply getting off the couch type-of-things. But one can’t sit around judging others successes and say “it’s not fair.” I come back, once again, to what I stated earlier, success isn’t just about money. Rather than the way we deal with situations and what we learn from them. If we learn nothing after our trials and don’t allow them to make us grow, then we don’t succeed.

        Ok without writing a novel on the topic let me just put it this way. If we shut someone out because we feel that they aren’t qualified to talk about a certain subject just because they haven’t gone through trials the we feel they should have before talking about it, then we learn nothing and therefore, we don’t succeed.

        • “Most people just want the croissant… but not the work that’s involved in getting it.” – that’s gold! 😀

    • Karen

      I choosing what to share is a personal choice. It is also about boundaries. Plus, it is really beside the point. An acquaintance was badgering me about how I got to a certain level of success. I shared with her in a generalized way about some struggles I faced and overcame. However, I did not feel comfortable going into detail. Her eyes grew wide and she exclaimed, “I had no idea!” And kept pressing for more. If she were a close friend, she would already know these parts of me as I take care in sharing the more intimate details of my life with people I trust who will respond in a loving and caring way. Those personal parts of me do not belong to the public. They belong to those who have earned the right to hear those parts of my story. I think it is possible to inspire people without exposing everything. Ever had the tables turned and been a victim of over exposing? It isn’t comfortable! And not necessarily honest either. Some parts of us are sacred and meant to be kept that way. Marie, thank you for being an inspiration.

  26. What you resist persist. Love this. I have been plague with envy as of late and I felt so bad about it that it made me paralyze to take action. Listening to your advice today make me realize not to beat myself up for these negative emotion and accept them and zoom through them. Looooove you, Marie. You are my savior!

  27. Your Videos are Awesome!…Great website and very user friendly!

  28. Oh yes indeed, I have felt jealousy! Who hasn’t? I was just on a book tour and stayed in a variety of homes with friends and family + airbnb’s and some hotels. As my book is about home decor and lifestyle, I started to notice that I was imagining what it would be like to live in each town and in each home that I was in. I stayed in a few beautiful homes and felt that twang of jealousy for sure. I also stayed in a crappy hotel one night that I couldn’t wait to leave! The lesson for me was that it’s all about perspective and holding onto the dream while still being grateful for what I’ve already created. My motto is “let the craving fuel you, not depress you.” Thanks Marie for the reminder!

  29. Gosh, what a wonderful video! Love the message. It’s so easy to be envious of some else’s life thanks to social media… Instead of feeling happy for my friends as I scroll thru Facebook and Instagram, I have to admit that sometimes I just feel like a loser and my friends have the perfect life and they’ve figured it all out or something…

    I love your point that there’s a filter process on social media and we would select certain aspects from our life to show on Facebook or Instagram. That is why I would minimise my time on social media and check in with my friends in person, face to face. At least that gives me a clear picture on how they’re doing and we’re keeping it REAL!!

    Thank you for this video, Marie!

  30. Pamela Lewis - Pillar Coaching

    So True Marie!

    Easy to feel envy especially with social media constantly reminding us what we may lack in our own lives. Being grateful for what is and the steps that have been made toward what is wanted keeps tasting the rainbow on the sweet-side.

  31. Such a great Q&A topic and something I think we all deal with because we are human. I recently caught the re-run of the Super Soul Saturday Marie was on with Gabrielle and Mastin. I loved when you guys were talking about the lack of competition and the fact that you all actually help each other through your mastermind meetings. Just loved that! Really inspiring!

  32. Hey Marie,
    Way to handle a subject that can be really touchy for people. When I look at pix on FB, I may say “jealous” but I don’t really mean that. I’m always happy when my friends get to experience trips to Paris, Greece or wherever – and enjoy their time there.

    Being grateful for what I have and experience, as well as being happy for friends and family for their experiences has made my life better.

    Mary Jo

  33. This post is spot on and so well timed.

    When I feel envy, I use it as a strategic indicator to determine what I’m REALLY feeling. Do I really want the perfect living room my favorite blogger posted on Instagram…or do I just want my own space to feel inviting? Do I want to achieve a larger-than-life health goal…or do I really want to feel more energetic?

    Envy, when used appropriately, can be a great trigger to being happier and more productive!

  34. Jealously is something I used to fall prey to myself. However, I recently had the same revelation you give here: all those amazing moments are just moments. Everyone goes through ups and downs in their days and relationships.

    One thing that’s helped me stay focused and find my own highlights has been starting a journal. In it I record great moments that happened each day in my personal and business life. It’s easy to focus on the negative or be jealous of others, but when you take the time to see the good happening in your own life, it can be very inspiring.

    Thanks for the reminder that jealousy can be a good tool if used properly.

  35. Thank you so much for this! For the great reminder that envy can actually be the personal fire you light under your own butt, but also for pointing out that it’s absolutely normal that we all share only the most positive aspects of ourselves on social media.
    I’ve been increasingly frustrated with people being “fed up” with all the “fake lives” put forward on Instagram and the like. Highlighting the good in life only seems logical. And wanting to spread it feels natural.
    *gets off soapbox*

    I find myself jealous of experiences that other friends live out, that I can’t right now for whatever reason. And I think that “what you resist persists” really comes into play here. I’ll never organize a trip or find the time to suss out amazing destinations to explore if I keep monitoring where other people are going… (travel or career-wise!)

  36. RMcGr

    I’m envious of my co-worker. She only 23 years, but she’s traveling the world (she just came back from Ireland/Scotland). She has no “real” responsibilities. Her parents help pay for everything. The only real bill she pays is her cell phone bill. She’s 23 years and works a great full time job; and she found her job only a month after graduating college. She’s using credit cards to pay for these lavish trips. When I tried doing that, I got laid off from my job only two days after returning from my vacation and feel into debt.

    I didn’t graduate college until I was 23 and it took me five months to find a job after college. When I did find a job it was only part-time. So I definitely couldn’t travel across the world. I finally found a full-time job, but then got laid off from that job. I’m currently working, but still cannot afford to take spontaneous trips across the ocean. I learned my lessons on financing trips via a credit card. It’s hard to save to take a trip. Every time I save enough money something happens, like car repairs, that causes me to use that money.

    What makes me even more upsetting is this girl has absolutely no personality. She’s extremely beige and boring. Yet, good things keep falling into her lap. Why? What’s so special about her?

    • raquel cruz

      I used to be in your same position. You are mad because she is doing something you want to do. But look at it like this. Is she paying for this all on her own? NO, her parents are helping her do this. Now you’re thinking, why won’t my parents help, dont help, etc. Well the truth is Everyone is not able. It does not mean you wont be able to do this at all but when you are more stable you will be able to. Next, what you really want is to be able to BRAG about the extravagant trips that you took so that you can appear larger than life in your social circle and why not, Do you KNOW how many cool points you would get and how jealous your friends would be of you, or how much praise you would get because you did those things, yeah, you would be larger than life, wouldn’t you? So, the truth of the matter is you are not envious that she’s going on all of these trips, what you really want to know is, why is it not you doing all of this so that you can look magnificient in the eyes of others. And that my dear was a simple blow to your ego. You are looking for a way to be at the top of the social ladder but have no way to get there. I was like you once and then I started doing things on my own, I didnt brag about them, but when someone would mention something that was close to what I’ve done already THEN I talked about it, THEN I became the life of the party and THEN envy wasn’t on my radar because I was doing my own thing which was something no one ever done. Example, Scuba diving. I went 6 years ago, my co workers and friends still talk about it to this day. LOL. by the way you dont have to go to ireland to get the same result, you can go to another state for a weekend stay and get the same result.

  37. Jessa

    Loving the tweetable today! Thanks Marie 🙂

  38. Madison Wise

    thanks, Marie.

    Just last night I was compelled to journal about the envy I felt over a friend’s instagram post. I would describe it as: a burning in my heart when I hear or read the words that I desire to say coming from someone else’s mouth (or social media account). I absolutely agree that envy is a signal that there’s something inside we’re yearning to express – and totally capable of expressing. What I learned from my journaling session was to be grateful for my current place in time and space and to know that I’m growing and sharing myself with others at the exact right rate. Recognizing my envy was a promising sign that there is much, much, more to come from me, and that by fully engaging myself in the moment and acknowledging the wonderful people whom with I share my views, I can truly relax and enjoy the moment for what it is. I can be patient and loving with myself as I learn to express myself, because I know with certainty that my full self-expression is in bloom.

    I share with you wonderful readers, this:

    “A flower is not better when it blooms than when it is merely a bud; at each stage it is the same thing — a flower in the process of expressing its potential.”
    ― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light

  39. This post is great timing as recently I had a bit of this going on…and I think like most entrepreneurs I felt ashamed how I felt. It all goes back to comparison, which always causes one to feel that one lacks in areas another succeeds.

    But back to what you talk about in B School, it’s all about being authentic. No two of us are alike so we need to own and hone our skills.

  40. ‘Dont compare your bloopers to someone elses highlight reel.’
    Guilty anyone? I heard this recently and it stuck with me so it’s nice to see this idea expanded on. As others have said people generally don’t talk about it!

  41. Gotta LOVE Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch 😉

    I like to put it this way: “jealousy is merely not knowing the whole story.”

    xoxo

  42. We have friends that live in Chicago and the have a summer home by us. So they were looking for a home that was in a better school district in Chicago and they found one at a quick sale. When my friend and I saw that house we were so envy that her and I said that we were going to move in and I would be the nanny and caregiver of the children and my friend would be the caregiver of the dogs.Also we would share the cleaning and the laundry. Their twin girls said yea grandma Sandy and grandma Cindy is moving in with us. Their father said it as aright as long as we don’t ware a 2 piece bathing suit.We all laugh.

  43. Great topic. “Don’t compare your insides to somebody else’s outsides” Whenever we compare ourselves to others, we are usually comparing how we feel about ourselves and our ‘inadequancies’ at that moment and then idealizing the other person in some way or form. This just sets us up to feel bad about ourselves. We have to remind ourselves of our own great qualities!

  44. Emeka

    Nice video but misses the point. Life is sometimes unfair and we’re not all equal.

    It’s not always possible to have what other people have – no matter how hardworking or deserving we might be.

    Marie misses this fact of reality!

    • Emeka, thanks for what you shared. You’re right, life can feel unfair, and we all don’t have equality. But there are countless, incredible individuals throughout history who have risen from the most unthinkable circumstances and the most oppressive injustice and to make a remarkable impact and live a joyful life. This is not about having *exactly* what other people have, it’s about using a very normal emotion to fuel our own personal and collective growth. For where would we be without having the hope and possibility to make our lives, in any capacity, more loving, expanded and connected?

      • Jon

        Emeka, I agree that there are many factors to life. Many of which we can’t control. But one can’t sit around judging others successes and say “it’s not fair.” Quite frankly, that wouldn’t be fair. You see, we’d be doing the exact same thing to others that we dislike done to us.

        There are countless examples of those who have had materially and where dissatisfied with life, while other were satisfied. There are also countless examples of those who didn’t have much materially and were content, while others weren’t.

        Like Abraham Lincoln said: “People are only as happy as they make-up their minds to be”

        Yes money and material things are necessary sources to live our lives in our world today but it is not what really matters.

        What really matters is making other people happy, your family, your friends, a child, an older one, a widow, an orphan, someone who is of a different race than you, someone who speaks a different language than you… through your smile, your attitude, your personality, you willingness to help, your touch, your care, your love, your words, the way you see them, the way you inspire them, the way you make them feel valuable and that they ARE somebody… things money can’t buy. Now this is reality!

    • RV

      Emeka it’s quite unfortunate that you didn’t understand the message here. That’s the sad part,,,she didn’t say if you envy ,you will get what the other person has, Marie is letting us understand life isn’t fair, there is the good and bad, but unless you have walked miles in her shoes don’t think she has it all good, she just wants to show us how to harness envy into fuel for inspiration …..as my mentor said don’t crave my glory without wanting my story. Everyone has battles to fight, but in the midst of it all feeling someone has has it all shouldn’t spiral into judging him/her , or at most times hate (which we see in social media ),it should spiral or should I say evolve into inspiration . I hope you understand better, knowledge truly helps save a mind. Thankyou Marie !!!

      • Emeka

        RV, Jon, Marie

        I’m not judging anyone’s successes or failures, putting a value on having more or less material wealth, measuring happiness or anything of the sort.

        I’m simply saying that self-satisfied braying by someone who is born in a first world country that anyone can have what they want if they just try hard enough is BS. Sorry but have to call it!

        This kind of thinking just sets many people up for failure and hurt in the real world. We live in a world full of prejudice, hate and violence with deep inequalities and a lack of opportunities across gender, race and socio-economic lines.

        Just ask the Yazidi people in Iraq right now about their next holiday to Paris. I’m sure they can use their envy to motivate them to get that nice vacation booked right away! They would just need to try and avoid dying from genocide/starvation/exposure in the mountains first. That’s all.

        • Emeka

          Alain de Botton makes this point really well – watch his video from 3:17 minutes onwards. Much more honest on this subject than Marie manages to be!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtSE4rglxbY

          • RV

            Wow, Marie and most of us here are just trying to help each other get through everyday issues, let’s spread love and not take it out of context, sending you a big hug! 🙂
            Once again thankyou Marie ! And thankyou everyone here supporting each other ! 🙂

        • Emeka, I’m very well aware of the hate, violence and deep inequality in the world. I’m also keenly aware and very sensitive to the fact that many of us have won, as Warren Buffett calls it, the ovarian lottery.

          A significant part of my company’s work and mission is to help bring opportunity, well-being and education to all people, regardless of gender, race and socio-economic lines. We have, and continue to use our voices and resources to contribute to global change and help create a more just world. Just two examples that it seems like you’ve missed.

          http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/07/malala-day-2014/
          http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/10/half-the-sky/

          I’ll also share this:

          ——-
          For nearly a billion people who live in deep poverty, they are not being stopped only by themselves. They barely have the water, food or basic health care/shelter to survive. A huge portion of this population is women. In terms of “nobody decides what we’re worth.” Recently, two young girls in India – who were recently found naked, raped, mutilated and hanging from trees were deemed less than worthless.

          I’m absolutely for supporting entrepreneurship, wealth creation and self-responsibility — but, it must also be balanced with a global perspective that includes the realities of the bottom billion and the very, very, large gap we must close regarding basic human rights and specifically, gender equality around the world.
          ——-

          That was my private response to a request for my participation in a project about entrepreneurship. I took deep issue with a core idea another participant shared, which was that “the only thing stopping us is ourselves.” So yes, you and I actually agree on that fact.

          However, I would also like to add this. If you’d truly like to live in a kinder, more peaceful, and more equitable world (which it appears like you do, and I believe you do), consider how letting go of your own judgment towards others may be a great first step. As the great MLK said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

          All my best, M.

        • Jack

          I went to a seminar the other day presenting migrant small business success stories. I almost walked out because the presenters looked like they had nothing to offer, a young poor looking Lebanese man, a muslim woman in hijab, a middle aged Chinese man, and a plain looking Arab woman. By the end of the session my preconceptions had been blown away by their quickness, humanity and and achievements. The Chinese man had gone from having no where to sleep at night to owning his own prosperous business, the Lebanese man had gone from nothing to partnering in a business with over 10 million dollars in assets and the Muslim and Arab women both were business successes and emerging as capable people from very male dominated backgrounds. Some people really do have a lot more to overcome than others, but we are all human with enormous potential – and where there is life there is hope.

  45. Well Ramos

    Hi! I like very much this episode. The truth is that living in Brazil and learning things only in Portuguese I was blind to many great things people do in other countries. When I started to use my skins in English listening and reading… also watching I found myself asking: – Why Brazil is this way since we have so many great examples of good people around the world? First I felt the taste of those bad colors of the rainbow and then I found that: – What hurts to see is a think that I don´t have as a sign of what I need to improve inside myself! So this rainbow thing is really exciting. I could turn bad colors into good colors. As bad feelings improve the taste of good feelings when they happen! It is the first time I comment here and I like very much your website! I hope you and your visitors enjoy my comment. You all are great! Thanks a lot! Obrigado!

  46. I must say, I am guilty if this one. But I have learned to move past envy and just admire others so I can gain momentum and move forward with my goals. Thanks for the reminder!

  47. Yeah, this is super timely. I have been having a jealousy thing going on for a while but as it pertains to relationships. When I get jealous I usually bathe in it, try and really feel it, then get to the why. By the time I am there, it is much easier to let it go….

  48. SO good – just two days ago, envy took over when I saw others having seemingly overnight success with products not even worth their cost.

    It was such a gnarly feeling, I asked my partner on whether he had ever experienced anything like that in his business. And he gave me great insight (which I believe has also been covered in MarieTv before) – others in the same industry aren’t your competition.
    What?!
    He gave 2 beer companies as an example, who always fought over 1% of market share until one of them realised, the real competition are not other beer companies, but companies who do not care about beer. Who keep people from drinking beer by occupying them with whatever they are selling, e.g. baseball – people watch instead of having a beer. So they started to ally with all these companies instead of focusing on that – very large – 1%.

    And then, that envy actually fuelled me into action to create a product even better than theirs, and I wrote up the content overview within less than two hours.

    Gotta fill in the details still, but feeling productive instead of envious.

    Another one that works for me when all those “happily ever afters” wear me a bit thin:

    Comparison is the thief of joy.

    And: does this (whatever I am doing at that moment) bring me closer to my goal?

    This helps to re-focus on what you wanna do instead of being green with envy. Get green with a smoothie instead 🙂

  49. Don

    Marie Envy can be a very DANGEROUS ( destructive ) or it can be CONSTRUCTIVE . For me I love envy. Why? It becomes fuel for my fire. I turn envy around and use it for the betterment of myself. Envy is something you want and don’t have so I use it as a driving force. Don

  50. Diane

    Love your tips, Marie. I have used envy has a wake-up call to what is missing in my life.
    A friend and I have bemoaned the fact that there isn’t a word for: “I like what she has. I’m glad that she has it for her sake but also because now that realize I want it too, maybe I can learn from her how to get it.”
    Perhaps the Germans have a word for it. They seem to have some great words for more complicated emotions.

  51. I’ll have what she is having. LOVE that. What a great statement to turn a negative feeling into a positive choice to get me some! <3

    • bhumi

      i reallylove ur thought to it.. nd at end u asked how we actually fight envy.. is much difficult.. but i used to appreciate it more nd giving more love to thing which make feel jealous of

  52. Yes, I am not sure what I am more envious of….
    Marie’s waste line or her mailing list.

    There, said it again…

    Hmmmm… I going in the kitchen to make myself someting to eats.

  53. This is great advice, especially for a new entrepreneur, like me. Other’s successes can get overwhelming but as you say Marie, it can instead be our inspiration and fuel to work hard! Thanks again for another fantastic episode.

  54. RM

    We’re taught that jealousy/envy will hold us back (which is true). But few people talk about how to turn our envy into constructive, motivated action, rather than just dismissing it. Thanks, Marie!

  55. My business partner and I, just this year, decided that we would turn the word jealous or envy into inspire/inspiration.
    So when ever we have that feeling coming up we reach inside and turn that into an inspiration. We either realize that we need to go and do something that will take us closer to the place we are jealous of or just love where we are at and be inspired to go what it is we need for ourselves. Because we can be jealous of a musician or painter etc, but that could just be that we need to go get creative in the ways we do best, not become the next rock star. Though we both enjoy rockstar moments in our living rooms!

  56. TH

    I have never yet commented here – sorry! – because I’m usually pressed for time but I felt I could share something with you this time.

    The thing is that during my childhood I was brought up to actually feel no envy. Envy was, along with a few other things, considered not just bad, it was considered weak and shallow, and unworthy of the precious thing that is our life (and in the worst case, we only have this one). It wasn’t religious. I’d say it was maybe philosophic upbringing. I could never join talks about envy later, and I have never experienced envy until my late twenties.
    But the thing that I’ve noticed maybe aged 17-18 was that I was constantly feeling a lack of drive. In a “I can’t have this? Okay, so it’s not mine”-kind of way. Life just happened, and it was all okay (and if it wasn’t I would fix that), but I was simply playing safe all the time. And all that time, I never felt the lightest sting of envy…

    Fast forward to the point of having uncovered my dreams and wishes and honed my talents, I was almost proud to feel my first light sparkling of envy because it was a sign that I had found a healthy balance between “I can’t have it for it’s not mine” and “I can’t have it yet because I need to grow”.

    I hope this story from behind the Looking Glass makes sense to you, Marie, and you, the beautiful community 🙂

  57. I’ve noticed a huge shift around jealousy in the past few years. I used to get resentful, and now I feel genuinely inspired in most situations where I used to feel “less than.” Of course, I have my weak moments, but this shift has really helped me in my personal life + biz. The people you’re jealous of are part of your tribe, and they’re a reflection of your best qualities, usually.

    xoxo,
    Lula

  58. Elisha

    Recently I’ve become envious of someone who I’ve known my whole life. Love this video because I see envy and jealousy as bad things, but now can use it to empower and move with velocity. I can even think of it as my vision board in reality… something to remind me of what I’m working towards.

  59. Manon van Vloodorp

    I sooooo agree with you Marie. My sister Sylvie who passed away unfortunately of cancer, has once shared with me to never envy others but to look at yourself and be the best you can be. Heck! Be even better than them and it does not mean to be arrogant either. Why not celebrate with them their successes? In return, you will feel great for them and for you as you want to be as succeesful as they are.

    • Doreen

      Manon, what a wise sister you had, thank you for sharing her words with us.

  60. I really liked your point Marie of when you feel envy it’s often something showing up within you that you need to express and let shine. That makes a lot of sense.

    And definitely key takeaway is the “I’ll have what she’s having” statement!

  61. Love this episode. It’s so vital for us to experience every emotion in the rainbow. And the funny thing is, if we actually let ourselves experience them them pass within a few seconds.

    I’m definitely going to keep this vid in mind when I’m bit by the envy bug. Although I’m plodding along on my own stuff and things are coming together, I find myself in a “She’s better than me because she is further ahead than me” funk.

    But you’re right we can never really know how much struggle is anyone person’s path.

    Thanks for this!!

    xxoo
    Tonia
    P.S. Josh has a great body 😉

  62. sam

    Great topic. I recently this year had the revelation that jealousy is my best-friend. So whenever I feel envious our jealous I know oh ding ding that’s something I want, I didn’t know that it’s going on the list!

  63. Hi Marie,
    Thank you for today’s video! I think you bringing up this topic takes the weight off of my shoulders. I have conversations with girlfriends about this subject and you saying it is normal, is a breath of fresh air.

    I realize now that focusing on the great things I’m doing keeps me from looking back at what others are doing and I keep moving forward.

    Thanks for your generosity!

  64. Nina

    I find envy usually points to something I want, even if it’s not obvious at first. I tend to see a lot of things I’m envious of on social media, and I have two ways of dealing with that.

    Firstly, I write down my own thoughts and emotions regularly anyway, so if something comes up that really gets to me, I just write and write until I work out what’s really getting to me.

    And secondly, every now and then I take a social media holiday. Sometimes a weekend, sometimes a whole week. No Twitter and no Facebook. And I always feel better for it, and remember the things I like reading about, and the things I use social media for. Plus it clears my head of other people’s lives and makes me live in my own for a while and appreciate it fully.

  65. Great advice! I have to be honest that sometimes, no matter how much I try, I fall prey to being envious of certain people’s success. I found that the best way to overcome these is to learn to honestly cheer them on, then…

    Turning envy into action!

    That is the best advice! Learning from those we envy and learn to improve on things they did well.

    But always, always, focus on your own potential and your own giftings. Because there is only one of you 😉

  66. Hey Marie! Loved this vid! The way I handle envy is to compliment someone of what it is I’m envious of or share in their joy of whatever it is I want. I know if they can have it, I can too! The envy dissipates like water on a hot Arizona sidewalk in the middle of summer.

  67. Christy

    Completely awesome episode, Marie! All three pointers are excellent and I LOVE the tweetable this week.

  68. I can totally relate to this! Especially when I see people who are doing the same thing I’m doing, for the same amount of time or less time than I am, and they seem to be more successful than me.

    Then I read something awhile back about not comparing your back story to someone else’s front story; in other words, you don’t know how much they had to struggle to get where they are, how much money they’ve spent promoting themselves, etc. So now it doesn’t bother me as much.

    I do like the idea of realizing that if someone else could do it, then so can I, I just need to find my own way to get there!

  69. I’ve learned that it is really important for me to pay attention of exactly what I am jealous of. We aren’t all jealous of the same thing, and our specific triggers can help us learn about ourselves and our desires. For example, I’m not jealous of billionaire CEOs. I am, however, a bit jealous of successful, heart-centered online entrepreneurs. Why? Because deep in my heart of hearts, this is what I want to be.

    In ‘The Artist’s Way,’ Julia Cameron talks about using jealousy as a map. When we are able to identify exactly what we are jealous of and why, we can channel that energy into charting a course towards our own right life. Otherwise, jealousy can just sit in us as a ‘negative vibration’ and paralyze us from taking any action.

  70. Point one and point three resonate with me – Very good advice. However, while I understand this is a five minute video and not a deep analysis, point number two seems just so SO wrong. Not wrong to experience the whole range of emotions of course, but it seems to be inadvertently dismissive of those who experience depression and literally CANNOT do this. (Which, according to multiple factoids released in the wake of the suicide of Robin Williams hovers somewhere between 7 and 10 percent.)

    So it just seems a bit like something that *sounds good* and is chirpy, but might not be actionable info for many people…Just my observation, thanks! I really enjoy your videos.

  71. Oliver

    Hello,
    I tend to believe that envy is an undeniable emotional feeling triggered by a feelings of inadequacy.
    To root out feelings of inadequacy I conduct a mental expedition in search of its cause so I may find a resolution to extingusih it. ( Easier said then done) . It is important to feel jealousy and it is just as important not to let it gestate until it becomes an uncontrollable fungus growing fruitfully throughout the mind.

  72. Thank you for sharing Marie, this is so true! Often we forget the filters and yes, why would we share some things in our lives. Love it, ride your envy and I’ll have what she’s having! 🙂

  73. Hi, Marie & all

    When I feel envy I’m saying (often out loud): hey, look at that, I’m envious.

    Or, if I can, I tell the person: I’m so jealous of you right now!

    This ends changing in a funny moment, laughing either at myself or with that person and it sometimes ends up in a friendship.

    I took Josh’s workshop for a long time now, so I know about the atoms’ vibrations, which we call ‘shoo shee’ instead of the ‘bad feeling label’, so it’s all good 😉

    Thanks again!

  74. Barb

    Hi Marie,
    I really enjoy your Q and A Tuesday………..I am from the baby boomer generation and am in the process of reinventing myself after being in education for many years. Would you be able to address the issue of aging and not being held back by old stereotypes?

  75. Yes, I usually believe I can admit my feelings of envy, and “go for it” – but sometimes I don’t even realize the feeling is there – and that’s where it gets tricky.

    So it was a good episode to watch, for me to actually try to detect what envy feels like.

  76. OMG , I saw your email and the title compelled me to join the discussion.

    A few days ago , I had a bit of a moment. Despite being so blessed, at times other peoples sucesss makes me question what i have actually achieved , its just pure crazy.

    The questioning normally leads to, I hate say it, The JEL state of mind . Translation for the non uk folks JEALOUSY . It does not take long for me to return to my senses

    I then examine what has made ” them” successful and I add whatever it is to my personal toolkit.

    So I agree it is human to feel a bit GEL but it’s what you do when that moment is over.

    MARIE your TUESDAY dose of awesomeness is just what the doctor ordered!

  77. When I was young and was first learning about feeling jealousy, my very wise mother told me that when I felt jealousy towards someone it is best to turn it into—well, I forgot how she put it, but the idea is to cheer for them. To be happy for them, that they made it to that point. To delight in their success. To wish them well. To know they are part of the same stream of life that I am flowing in. To know we are in this together. I think the essence of this teaching, now that I am writing about it, is to think in terms of our unity, not in terms of our separateness or difference. To send them love and good wishes; because in doing that I am opening myself to love and the positive goodness that is my birthright. The only way I can experience love and positive goodness is to be open to it. So let what could have been jealousy turn to love and blessings so the love and blessings will flow to them THROUGH me, and we both will be the beneficiaries. My mom didn’t say it quite like that, but that’s what she meant.

  78. This video makes me want to get all “YES! YES! OH YES!” Meg Ryan style!

    The way I get over Facebook-Inspired Life Envy is to remember that I curate my own stuff on there *particularly* when things aren’t all hunky-dory.

    I once shared with my list a photo of my sweetheart and I at my niece’s birthday, a few years ago. We took the pic of us, holding hands and grinning – the perfect couple! – to add to our immigration file, then my friend put it on Facebook and I tagged myself.

    In fact, that morning, he and I had had a huge row, and we spent the party – other than this brief moment – seething at each other from across the room.
    We worked it out, but it’s a perfect example of how you can have NO IDEA of what’s really happening behind a Facebook photo or status, so don’t compare yourself to an assumption!

  79. Mickey

    I was envious of a new salon really bad, so I sent them welcome to the neighborhood flowers for their front desk!

    • Doreen

      Powerful, sounds like grace in action. May you have what they’re having.

  80. When I am feeling jealous, I try to focus and figure out what specifically I am jealous about. What does this person have that I don’t? What have they accomplished that I haven’t? Quite often, I end up realizing that I actually have no negative feelings about the person themselves (yay, means I am not a bad spiteful person), or the thing I originally thought I was jealous of. More often than not, I end up realizing that I am jealous of their clarity and willingness to go after their goals. But that gives me something to work on!

    P.S. Marie, I recently found your website and love your spirit! Thank you!!!

  81. June

    Thanks for the tips Marie. Will Def help me with the guilt I feel after recognizing my feelings of envy.

  82. Dear Marie,

    Tip number three is how I usually deal with my envy. However, this sometimes makes me a little competitive. I’ll try out the other two tips. Thank you.

    heart Lynne
    http://www.emotionalseas.squarespace.com

  83. What I try to do to understand my envy of others is to think about why it is that I am envious of them! What is it that I want that they have? And then I try to accept what is as it is, and that If I work hard I can get where they are too.

  84. I simply remember…my favorite things! LOL Seriously, I remember what I’m grateful for and that comparison is the theif of joy!! Amen. <3

    • **THIEF. Sigh, apparently I have become dependent on auto-correct/spell check 🙂

  85. This is so much easier said than done but glad to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way because I definitely feel guilty whenever I start comparing myself to other people.

  86. I think that creating this feeling of envy in people is an aspect of any business, especially online self-help; to make yourself appear to have figured it out, so that people will not only want what you have but pay you to get it! I write about this same thing in my post Confession of a Self Help Blogger.

    But like you said, what we don’t see, is all the stuff that sucks! Not only personal stuff, but all of the hard work, commitment, failures, flops, late nights, sacrifice, meetings, tears, re-trys, etc. that can create this enviable feeling in others yet to get where you are.

    So yes ride it, but hold on cause it ain’t easy!

    Robin

  87. Allie

    Hi Marie,

    I’m totally curious – who are you envious of? You’re the girl I want to be!

    #TeamMarie

  88. Corina Vanana Valcan

    Sorrry for writing you later but I had some problems in the hospital and now I solved them. I would like to have I frienship also with you and it will be better.

  89. I love this video Marie! My favorite part was the part about honoring our emotions. We tend to beat ourselves up for how we feel, stuff the pain deep inside, and let it fester until it explodes (or implodes). I wrote an article last month titled “It’s OK to Feel Like Shit Sometimes Lightworkers” for a spiritual ezine and got a huge response. It’s like we just need someone to give us the permission to feel. This is such an important message. Thank you for sharing it on a large scale! You do such amazing work.

  90. Gary Conder

    Hi Marie,
    Love all of your stuff… My daughter turned me on to you.
    I just watched your video, about being jealous, or envious.

    I guess I dealt with this a long time ago, and I’ve learned to overcome it. My issue is just the opposite, or reciprocal of this. That is, I find it far more difficult to deal with the jealousy and envy that I get from other people. You work really hard, become successful, then you have to deal with people who resent you for it. They make comments like ‘Look at you’…. or ‘who do you think you are?’ or ‘Must be nice’…. I have more trouble with that, than being jealous of other people… No fun on both sides, but I’d like to hear your advise on how to handle the ‘wrath’ of people who are jealous of you….

    Thanks,

    • Christy

      Gary, I totally relate! I would love to see Marie do an episode on this subject. I have been very fortunate to have achieved success in my professional endeavors and I have a very nice life and lifestyle, which is great but (just to be clear) by no means perfect…I have bad days, slumps, failures, set backs, etc…just like everyone else. I feel I have actually lost friends who couldn’t get past my success and put aside their feelings of jealousy and envy. Which is painful for me and just silly all the way around. I find that I am often tempted to shrink and understate my accomplishments in some settings so I won’t be judged by others for being “too successful.”

      Marie…there is a future MarieTV episode in this train of thought. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

  91. Maddie

    Where did you get your dress? Love it.

  92. This was great advice – but I have to say that part with Marky Mark was especially hilarious1

  93. Kawakami

    Hi Marie,

    Loved your point about the filter. You’re so right!! I get caught up in the initial picture and assume that OMG her life is so perfect but of course one never sees the entire album.

    Thanks!!

    P.S. I also loved your dress!!

  94. Hi Marie

    I like how well you have handled the comments above also. Thanks for addressing this topic… I don’t tend to feel envy that often (of course, at times), as I usually interpret someone experiencing the success, money, health, fitness or whatever it may be – as a sign that it IS possible and by it being in my environment, it’s also a sign I’m attracting it to me…

    All that said, I love my life, I am a happy person who has been through tough challenges but come through the other side appreciating how I have grown and who I have become because of it. If I have private challenges to deal with, I do so myself or with a therapist, and don’t feel it’s appropriate for me to share via a social rant like many do…

    Here’s my question – as a happy, healthy, successful (by your own standards), person in a great relationship – how do YOU deal with other people who are envious or jealous and make snide comments to or about you?

    I have really noticed a handful of people in my life displaying signs of jealousy of me, my life, great marriage etc – I don’t like to think may be the reason, but I’ve had feedback from others that’s what’s going on – and making negative comments toward me, on my wall or ending the friendship.

    I don’t pretend my life is perfect, I have my own challenges which I tend to deal with privately, and I have worked damn hard to reach this point in my life. I also like to celebrate and share life and joys – so how do you recommend dealing with envious people who try to make my (your) life miserable (I don’t let them) when they get angered or triggered by my joy and happiness?

    I am not willing to be less than who I am or less authentic, just so they don’t feel uncomfortable. We all have our own feelings to process… and I can’t take responsibility for theirs, but it does hurt when others try to bring me down just because I am expressing joy and celebrating life.

    Would appreciate your insights on this – with the “other’ perspective.

  95. This is the prime problem with my sister in law and my relationship. She is a chronic complainer and I continually take the high road by flipping everything into the positive light. However, she mainly complains about her kids and makes me feel guilty for not having any yet. It is very frustrating considering I would give my left foot for a child, but now isn’t my time. I accept that. So instead I keep my interactions with her short and just agree. I pray that one day she might come to realize just how demanding she is and how terrible she truly is treating everyone. She physically exhausts me. I guess I am just grateful that I am not that person or married to that type of person. ARG.

  96. Pamela

    I got out of facebook because I felt like everyone was living a much more successful life and a happier one (also because I felt like I was wasting lots of time on it too). I tend to compare myself to others who are my age or younger and seem to have it all. I am envious but then I try to stop myself and think about all the blessings I have had in my life (they are lots!!).
    I think Marie is right, dont let the envy stop you. Let it fuel you because if they can have it all, then you can too!

  97. LOVED this episode! When I feel envious I get motivated to go for a run (get my running meditation on) and re-direct that energy into some forward, positive MOVEMENT!

  98. I liked the today’s tweetable! Thank you Marie, that was a really good advice.

  99. Take the 2-week challenge.

    I was jealous of a dear friend who had just gotten a great career opportunity that I really wanted. I was excited for her but I couldn’t help feeling something awful in the pit of my stomach – that ol’ green-eyed monster. Another friend said to pray for her for 2 weeks, asking that my friend receive all the things I wanted for myself (even if deep down I didn’t want her to have these things). So I did & after a week I wasn’t feeling bad anymore & in the end I really did wish great things for her (and still do today cuz she deserves it). I was finally able to genuinely feel happy for her instead of just wallowing in self-pity thinking, “Where’s my big break?” Totally helped me get over my jealousy & now when I see her career moving it motivates me to move my butt. I realize we’re on different yet similar paths & that’s okay.I think letting go of that negative energy has allowed new things to come into my life as well. 😉

  100. Since I’m a Christian I don’t like feeling envy, because it just robs me my happiness and clouds my eyes from all the blessings that God has given me and because it’s sinful: keep wishing, wanting, desiring what someone else has, it just exhausting!

    So whenever I feel the envy and jealousy is starting to show it’s ugly face I pray and ask for the awful feeling to go away, and thank God for all the good things that happen in my life.

    Your video helped me see another point, I should also see my neighbor’s success as proof that things can be done. Thanks!

  101. Absolutely loved this video! In the last few years I’ve been practicing similar tips to over envy, especially the third one!

    One more tip that I find useful: instead of getting lost in the Comparisonland, I look back at my life a few years ago, and acknowledge how much I’ve improved and achieved. It immediately alleviates the pity for myself when I’m comparing myself to someone who seems to have it all.

  102. Erin

    Another good one Marie.
    However, I disagree on a few points.
    The first is that everything is a manipulation. And for some reason I can tell you have an issue with the word so instead you just say something is “normal” instead of what it is, a manipulation. And you have made it to mean there is something inherently wrong (bad) with manipulating.Which kind of goes against what you talk about regarding emotions. And if there is something wrong with it, I suggest all women stop wearing make up and curling their hair. Shoot, why bother bathing even? 😉
    Another distinction which I learned and found very compelling, was the difference between jealousy and envy. Jealousy wants what another person has but lets them have it, meaning would not take it away, or say anything to damper it. Whereas envy, the green-eyed monster, wants what another person wants but does not let them have it and does whatever it takes to take it away.
    I think considering the wars that are currently taking place, this distinction is very apropos and important.

  103. Dear Marie,

    I am very happy to see your program today and it taught me how to filter things to lead a better life.

    Thank you very much.

    Regards
    Rohan Sarker

  104. Hello dear Marie, thankyou for the topic. As a very sensitive being, I’m often aware of envy, jealousy and the rainbow of misguided thoughts that float around in the ether. I wish people would take the time to tap into the truth before they label others as “lucky”, “life-is-just-so-easy-for-them”, “everything-is-handed-on-a-golden-platter “. Surely we know that FB is to be taken with a grain of salt . I am following my dreams of establishing a Children’s Imagination Academy… but I am not lucky or in some elevated position to be able to do this. I consider I have a great responsibility to serve those who are in need. My life constantly sends me to the edge and I work hard everyday to keep the faith. Probably just like many, many of you. xXpeaceXx

  105. Leslie

    Great episode Marie! I think everyone has been bitten by the envy bug and the explosion of social media is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a great way to stay up to date with friends , it can be a great marketing tool, but It can easily set you down a comparison spiral- IF you let it. I often have to remind myself that FB/Instagram/Twitter allows everyone to project whatever image they want. I sometimes label it “Our Social Media Persona” . Someone can take a selfie of themselves looking amazingly coiffed with Uber-glam makeup with a caption “places to be, people to see!!” and you’re thinking “wow she has such a glamorous busy life!” When maybe she’s actually just going to the grocery store and has an appointment with her therapist. Or you see someone else’s’ page got way more likes than yours. It’s a petty thing, but I sheepishly admit I have found myself obsessing over this on numerous occasions. I find when I’m feeling that pang of envy, I remind myself, if I look at my own “Facebook persona”, my life looks pretty darn amazing too since people only see what I CHOOSE to share. I’m pretty active on social media but I find it very helpful to go on a “social media detox” once a year (I usually do it in February, which is very helpful if you are single and don’t want to be bombarded with gushy valentines day posts ;-P) . I usually deactivate my FB account (be warned, it takes a lot of willpower to stay off, since all you need to do is log back in to reactivate it) and delete all apps and links to it on my phone, PC etc. I find 2 months is a pretty good amount of time to feel a difference- you’ll feel more present, stop comparing as much and you’ll suddenly find a lot more time on your hands to do other things! . Send an email to your good friends to contact you via email, phone etc for the time being. You’ll find your inner circle will know how to still reach you. BTW if some of you don’t know FB admitted to manipulating user’s newsfeed etc to collect data. So that’s a good thing to keep in mind too. http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jun/29/facebook-users-emotions-news-feeds

  106. Love this post Marie and it is so true. It really resonates with me and looks like it resonates with a lot of other people too. Luckily I am the type of person who uses envy as motivation after I get over the whole “She’s doing that so much better than I am” tantie!

    Thank you for sharing this post! x

  107. It is so funny that I saw this video today. Or maybe it is just a coincidence. I was feeling a little envious of the fact that my website/company is still at the beginning stage. I have not hit the dream image/level yet. I saw what my company could be, the people I could help, and I started there. Every day I have to remind myself “I am not there yet” “I cannot just jump there. It takes time and effort” to reach the dream level status of success that drove me to begin this quest.

    Has anyone else felt envious of their dream image or what you though your success would look like?

  108. Thao

    Hi Marie,
    Thank you so much for all videos you have done so far. They helped me learn and realize many valuable things in life. I also have so many questions that I would like to get your opinions, but I don’t know how to email it to you for Q&A section on Tuesday. Please let me know. I can’t wait for your reply. Thanks so much Marie:)

  109. Marie Crew,

    Help! I am struggling big time with people being envious of me. It’s to the point where I feel like a diluted-flavorless version of me. Plus I have stopped taken action towards the life I want. 🙁

    How do you respond to reactions like:
    ‘I’m so jealous of you.’
    ‘Oh, I’ve never done that.’ (delivered with no sass, just sadness)
    ‘I could never do that. You’re so lucky!’
    ‘I’m not like you. That could never happen to me.’
    And the worst:
    ‘Wow. I feel like I should’ve done more with my life.’

    Although I’ve tested different ways of sharing my story (tone of voice, word choice, arrangement of story sequence) I still get these responses around 60% of the time. I’m at the conclusion I should say nothing at all.

    My emotional economy is starting to mirror a modern-day situation simply because I am uncomfortable with the success I have received and created in addition to selling myself effectively in conversation with people, close friends, peers, and family who push the guilt trigger for the life I’m living.

    Any advice to nudge me back to a healthy mindset, and perhaps offer some scripts to contribute hope and vision to my jealous crowd?

    Yours,
    Olivia

  110. Aimee

    Hi, my name is Aimee and I’m a Facebook-aholic. It’s been two years since my last profile update. It really has! I became so plagued by self doubt after spending way too much time cyber stalking friends and ex boyfriends that I decided enough was enough! I abandoned my profile and honestly I am sooooo much happier as a result! I have literally seen friends get married simply for the Facebook photos! I wish I was kidding!
    I read somewhere that it can be very helpful to look at jealously as a map – guiding you to your own desires. But I do wonder what do you do with feelings of resentment/jealousy when people have attained positions in your chosen field and you know for a fact they haven’t earned it? I want to stamp out all the bitterness that resides within my soul, but sometimes I must concede that the nepotism I speak of can rankle and stop you in your tracks if you’re not careful. I choose to believe that it just makes me stronger and better at my work. I have learned to be grateful for the lesson as I just want to do my best. But this response is not always so easily arrived at and I do wonder if I am alone in this struggle?
    As ever brilliant episode Marie! You brighten up my week! Emelia, I shall be quoting you to all my friends. Hope you don’t mind!

  111. Envy is useful – what a thrilling topic. We are ol envous of others sometimes. May be someone has a nicer car, better figure or more money and we feel the grudging and longing that envy stirs up. But this envy according to me is a wake up call to raise standard to a highier social stratification ranking.

  112. LOVED this Marie. Brilliant. Bite sized chunks of valuable content 🙂

  113. Ruzica

    Sometimes envy and jealousy remind me of what I want, but mostly they remind me of what I don’t want 🙂
    Usually, a part of me that always wants more from the outside world (call it my “ego” or whatever it is) feels envious and jealous. At this moment, I simply STOP doing anything, take a breath and try to feel the feeling that I really need and want. And then I clearly see what “is is about”.
    Life can be so simple 🙂

  114. I came up against this one recently and yeah it didn’t feel good. But after some curious reflection I realised that Envy is actually a useful tool for indicating what it is that you want. Often we don’t know what it is that we really want; we set goals that seem appropriate but they don’t get our hearts racing so we don’t get all excited and motivated about it. But when envy comes up; wow this is something deep in our belly that has triggered us and can turn us on ……. its great!!!
    Listen to our emotions – they are our wise self talking to us. xxx

  115. Andrew Wray

    I’ve given this subject a lot of thought – I am certainly not a jealous person and in place of envy I see what can be achieved so I may set out to get some of the same or similar for myself – and I have achieved much and lived very well before events way beyond my control got in the way – now I’m setting out again to achieve a goal that I know is possible because I see others achieving similarly to where I want to get to – and one way or another I am starting from a very low point – watch out World, here I come 🙂

  116. Diana

    I do get jealous occasionally (it’s only natural), but depending on my current state of mind and emotions, it either drives me to work harder towards my gaols or it sadness me. Like most things in life, it depends what time in a month,or a week it strikes me…. if you know what I mean ;), But whatever or whenever it happens, it always teaches me something new about myself.

  117. Great episode Marie!

    Yep, envy is not nothing more than seeing our own unfulfilled potential reflected back to us by someone else’s achievements and victories. We can definitely get inspired by other people, knowing that we can too get our own version of what ‘they have’ by doing what it takes to get it.

    Much love…

  118. Tracey

    Hi, Marie!

    Thank you! Yes, I am learning to identify envy as a spotlight on what I VALUE, and as encouragement to go for what I value. I smile, summon genuine good cheer for the person doing that thing I would like to do, and think to the Universe, “Experiences like that, please!” (similar to your, “I’ll have what she’s having.”)

    Thanks again, great show!
    Tracey

  119. Carla

    As always Marie, great video. I so appreciate these gems. They get me on the fast track to good vibrations for the day. Sometimes, I think you have ESP. I literally just underlined, “what we resist, persists” in my read from last night! Your talks always hit home. Thank you for sharing.

    • I needed to hear that quote as well. Marie also mentioned something that I would often tell myself regarding others’ accomplishments. Take them as a sign that if they could do it you can too. Letting fear color my thoughts has put some distance between this philosophy and me so it was soooooo timely to see this episode.

  120. Marie, this was by far the best episode on Marie TV. Thank you to Ann for being so brave and writing about what is in the heart of many people. When I reflect on envy that I feel it makes me uncomfortable. Then I realize that what I really feel is a need for some self-confidence along with a firm kick in the butt to get going on manifesting whatever I’m currently feeling is lacking. **The best part is that once I get moving I may make new discoveries and accomplishments that weren’t even originally considered. Thanks for this so timely episode. I was harboring some jealousy that was anchoring my ship. Now it’s time to set sail!!
    Blessings & Light

  121. WOW!!! :-O :-O :-O

    That’s the only thing I can say after watching your video.

    I have been following you for some moths and I have seen amazing videos (I still remember that one when you answered the question about how to find one’s passion), but this time… I think it is one of the most insipiring post I have read this year!

    I have thought a lot about envy and I have experienced myself the power of passing from feeling down and jealous watching or reading someone’s life to MOVE to get what he or she has that you desire! You have translate with so much wisdom my thoughts into specific words.

    Thank you for today’s post. Every singe word contains valuable info. I am sure I will watch it again in a few days!

    Best wishes,

    Amparo.

    p.d. I’m from Spain and I’m not English-native speaker, so that’s why this message would probably sound weird for you. Sorry for the mistakes! 😉

  122. Lauren

    Marie,

    Thank you so much for this different perspective on envy. I feel like a majority of the time, because it is an emotion so ingrained within our selves and our society and because we put such a heavy negative connotation on it, a majority of individuals believe that the best way to deal with envy is to wipe it out. However, this is impossible! Envy lives within us but not as a cancer but as a catalyst! Herein lies the frustration! I admit that I struggle with envy on a daily basis, I know that it is because I have insecurities of my own and placing the blame on something that seems outside of my self is just so much easier. (it’s not ME, it’s the ENVY!) However, growing with this idea of accepting the full spectrum of the human experience and embracing these emotions, using them to our benefit and wellness is a concept that is just so plainly, genuinely helpful.

  123. Hi Maire,
    Thanks so much for this episode! I agree that the filters of social media do not showcase the full picture or the details of the persons journey. I am in the process of creating an empowerment online training course for women and have often found myself doubting my ability, and comparing myself to others who are more successful already. Today’s show really help to inspire me to continue to build what I am creating and listen to my intuition. Thank you for all you do and the light you shine in the world!

    Blessings,
    Brittney Kara- Founder of B. Mentored

  124. I follow the people I envy because it means that they are doing something right that I want to for my own self. So if I cant become their friend, I follow them by either subbing, on social media…and copy from them what I can and apply their strategies to my own pursuits.

  125. DJ

    While I agree that envy is highly instructive as to what we want, what if your disability/condition prevents you from ever having it? The idea that you can “have whatever you desire if you just believe,” is almost as frustrating to me as my physical limitations.

    The doors are closed to certain things that I will always miss, so I’ll spare myself the pain of watching others do/have them on social media. On the bright side, there are always other things to try, and advancing technologies to make more things possible. Hope springs eternal. : )

  126. Regina

    Loved this episode, Marie! We all feel envy at times! I use my envy to get inspired. It fuels my belief that it can be done, and I turn the envy into admiration and respect, as well as support for the person and their business. I look to them as teachers and mentors!

  127. Thanks Maria… Envy is really dyslexic inspiration!

    Love your show!!!
    Cathie B

  128. Alexandra J

    Does anyone else envy celebrities and feel STUPID about it? But can’t stop?

  129. Heather

    Whenever envy pops up, I remember my brother. About 15 years ago, he had the lifestyle anyone would envy- big house, the expensive cars and clothes, kids had everything and then some. Fast forward 5-6 years ago, he came to my parents for a loan. He and his wife make over $150k a year but were in debt for almost $400k. His wife just kept opening credit cards to by their lifestyle. They looked great on the outside but the inside was a mess. I realized no more envy for me.

    I also try to live my life as authentic as I can. NO FB postings to make my life “look” perfect. I post a few pics and whatnots and go about my life. I also ignore several people who seems to always have it together no matter what. Everyone has some ugly in their life that we are all dealing with. So no FB envy. 🙂

  130. Traveling has really helped me with envy. Going to Cambodia where you see a whole family of 4 on 1 motorcycle, really gives you perspective on how other people live their life.

    It’s hard to be jealous of someone who has a nicer car than you or the perfect marriage after seeing such poverty.

  131. So True and Ditto! I’d add that unless you are really feeling equanimous, trying to hide the ‘why not me’ feelings just may have you wallowing later on – but getting into “I’ll have what she’s having” is brilliantly motivating.

  132. great video as always! I always tell myself, “things are NEVER what they seem” I learned that from your good friend Oprah and it helps me whenever I experience envy. People love to make their life look perfect on social media.

  133. Jack

    This sounds so perfect it cant be true, but I don’t feel envy. When I see someone doing well I feel delight and empathy for the courage and effort that must have gotten them there, and feel encouraged that with the application of the same qualities it is possible to have the same for myself – which is exhilarating. On the other hand I have a problem if someone is competing to beat me – I hate that.

    • Amanda

      Me too. I can totally relate Jack! 🙂

      • Jack

        Thanks Amanda – its nice to have company..!

  134. So true, I love the way you’ve framed this – it’s not manipulative to choose not to share the negative parts of our lives, its just normal. So many of my clients struggle with online comparison and I am thrilled to have another new perspective on this, thank you!

  135. Thank you so, so much for this video Marie- fantastic, as always.

    I love what you (and Josh!) say about labelling emotions- I think there’s a lot freedom in this. I’m going to experiment with it and see how it goes.

    Thanks again!
    Katie

  136. Jutta

    How do you taste the rainbow?

  137. Lee

    Thanks Marie, that’s thanks again, for another great reminder of how well versed we are in undoing our state of being at ease with who we are and where our lives are at…your on the money yet again

  138. Forget my english I am frenchfrom paris.. IFirst, if I feel envy I am going to have a bath and in the coolnesss of water, I think of what I have myself and I forget at once what is bothering me. All of us have so much no need to envy anybody when you have health

  139. This video is perfect timing, love it. I recently experienced envy for a girlfriend achieving success and quickly realized my emotions were due to ME not taking the action necessary for my business. You can’t be jealous of others taking action and it definitely put my butt into gear! It’s such a good feeling when you can change your attitude immediately and be happy for someone else. Thank you Marie. 🙂

  140. I loved this! Thank you so much for tackling this question, it is something that I deal with often. Thank you for continuously sharing your amazing content!!!

  141. Hi Marie I absolutely love your weekly dose of inspiration, it’s always on the button for me and I acknowledge and thank too all who have contributed. I’ve read through the whole trail probably for the first time in a long time. I notice when I feel envy or the opposite guilt that it’s a sign that I need to remember who I am. I am the only one that’s get to be me and if i really spend time thinking about that, it blows my mind…. For whatever reason we are all here together, i do believe it’s to help us remember that we are beings of light and to act in that way but to know that light we have to embrace the dark that tries to engulf us…that’s our challange. As my wonderful Coach who is a b school alumni Melody Fletcher says ” everything that is happening is happening for YOU” so whether it’s envy anger bitterness as has been discussed overall today , it’s all for our growth and to quote you Marie “all figureoutable” . Let’s remember that loving who we are each and everyone of us exactly where we are right now is the greatest gift we can really give to this amazing world. I’m so so glad to be part of this community.. Night night from Scotland . Bernie x

  142. This was good Marie – thank you.

    I feel the envy often, and it’s usually when I’m feeling flat and spending too much time on Facebook seeing everyone’s “highlights reel”.

    Best way for me to deal with it, is turn off the computer, go for a bike ride (as long as it’s not raining) and when I come back, get into creating something of my own – a blog post, a new offering, an email to my people.

  143. Amanda

    I looove that you did an episode on this Marie! Thank you so much! Btw, you look as beautiful as always!

    I’d just like to say a little bit about my experiences with jealousy and envy before I say what I do because I think my inner process may be helpful for some.

    So I’ve been thinking about jealousy and envy a lot lately and have learned so much over the years. I’ve actually realized that I have a bit of a fear of people being envious/jealous of me pretty much all my life, as weird as that may sound, but it’s true. Even for little things. And so, I don’t usually declare my little joys, successes or gratitude around certain people that I know will become jealous because I don’t want them to compare themselves to me and feel jealous. It actually makes me very uncomfortable. This fear has taught me so much. I feel truly blessed that envy and jealousy is not something I experience too often. When I do though, it feels really unnatural and foreign to my Spirit. ***I just observe it and let it go with a deep breath and remember that I own everything within me to make it happen for myself or find peace and contentment with what’s already happening for me.***

    I don’t feel that envy/jealousy comes from the truth of who we are at all, because it comes from a feeling of separateness/disconnection and comparison, so when it does arise within me I know I’m in a setting where I’m focused on me ego-identity rather than my true inner Spirit..because I just believe that that place within us is naturally abundant and connected and envy/jealousy stems more from our egos and more of a lack/scarcity mentality rather than an abundance mentality.

    All I know is that when I connect deeply to my Spirit within and live from that place as much as possible – everyone’s successes, triumphs, joys, happy moments and everything similar to that are really all my own as well, because we are all connected at a deeper level. If there ever is a bit of envy, ***I also just thank God or the Universe for bringing these people/situations into my life to show me what is possible for me and I bless them to be even more abundant/happy/successful etc. than they can currently perceive for themselves (I want their minds to be blown by all the goodness I believe is available to them!)*** I live to see people win as well, so I’m fuelled by inspiration to see people live with joy, fulfillment, peace, success and so much more.

    I really agree that envy can be a signal or clue that we’re neglecting something within us that calls for us to take action or just a sign that a part of us needs more love, nurturance and that it could also mean that maybe we have a hidden desire or dream that needs more acknowledgement.

    Envy/jealousy can be very insightful to the inner workings of our Beings and can be a great point to shift to something that is more useful and productive to reaching higher levels of authentic and wholesome living.

    I really hope this helps at least one person. Thank you so much Marie for allowing me the opportunity to share this as well. Much love everyone! 🙂

  144. Thank you Marie.
    I am not a jealous person, I really enjoy seeing other people living their lives to the fullest. I think that way of moving through life can resonate with others and hopefully they can do the same. But I think Anne’s question was excellent and your answer was out of this world spot on!!! You are always shining light in the shadows. I hope you found that perfect croissant and ate two of them!!!’

  145. Hi Marie,
    I love your tips to work with jealousy in a positive way. I never heard about the athoms theory, it sounds amazing!
    I actually once wrote a blog post about how I deal with jealousy and how we can make it work towards our advantage to manifest our dreams: http://mercedesmaidana.com/three-steps-to-make-jealousy-work-to-your-advantage/
    Jealousy is a great way to know what we want.
    Thanks for another great video.
    Besos,
    Mercedes

  146. Great advice! This happens to all of us so it is so important to aware of your feelings and truly in touch with my you are feeling them. Your feelings serve a purpose always.

  147. Audrey Groeschel

    Great video. I have struggled with this lately. I keep the mantra of, you are seeing their highlights and not their low lights. I LOVE your tweetable comment. That had the biggest impact on me. I’ll have what she’s having thank you very much!

    Thanks to Ann for asking and thanks to you for sharing your insights.

  148. AEG

    This whole conversation has caused me to realize that somehow I’ve always defined envy/jealously a bit differently. It seems like many people here experience envy as a collection of emotions that I always broke into pieces. For me, envy was only ever the sensation of “longing for what another person has.” No judgment there, just longing for it. Often, a bit wistfully. In addition that, I might have reacted to the envy by also experiencing anger, desperation, a sense of injustice, insecurity, or low self-esteem. More often than not, envy was simply the longing, the sadness, or an emptiness, that I celebrated as beauty in another person’s life.

    Not sure if that has the potential to help anyone (pulling the components of the emotions apart, I mean) but in retrospect, I think it has helped me. It *is* ultimately about comparison and how we react to it, but if you have a clearer picture of just how you are reacting to it, it does make things a bit easier to process 🙂

  149. MARIE!
    I am really not one to ever leave comments, BUT I found that I have been dealing with topic lately. I started a photography business just 3 years ago and I LOVE it, I love to make people smile, feel good about themselves and it has been a seriously amazing creative outlet for me.
    I have never considered myself a jealous person, however (isn’t there always a ‘however’ or ‘but’!?) a friend of mine decided to launch a photography biz also and she has lived here all her life. I helped her get started and here in our not-so-big-city, her biz has taken off. Although, I still get steady business it has taken me longer to establish my business. After praying about it, I really felt God impressing on my heart that her success does not equal my failure just the OPPOSITE! She is a sister in Christ and her success really is my success too. It was a freeing moment for me, and I like what you said -‘give them a high five, and let their success be a motivation’ rather than a discouragement on your journey of success 🙂

    I enjoy the videos! Thank you for the real topics and genuine advice, you and your team are making a positive difference!

    Truly,
    Natasha

  150. Minhaj

    Thanks for that awesome video.

  151. Envy is a state of mind like happiness, anger, peace, or joy.
    Truly spiritual folks know that we have- and will attain all that is- and only what’s important to possess for our journey.
    Envy itself, really does NOT exist….it is only what you make of it inside your head.

  152. It is always to so important to remember that everything online is “curated”. Let’s be honest how often do you post images of yourself when you are sick? But it is still hard when I see images of others travelling to places I want to visit or creating things that I want to create.

  153. When I feel envy, I just start to count my blessings and it soon passes.

  154. Envy usually just makes me feel super sad. I start to beat myself up for not living up to the standard another girl is showing off via her web presence. But I LOVE what you said here Marie: “I’ll have what she’s having!” Brilliant.

  155. That was an awesome vlog! I struggle with envy and think this is terrific advice. I shared it with everyone!

  156. I’m really happy that I had the time to watch this episode, even now. From my perspective, envy is the sensation than makes you be mean to the others who ‘have it all’ (or just a bit more than you). For me, it’s destructive and it’s been like this for all my life. But I learned how to turn it into awe. ‘Oh my, look at that *insert awesome thing*. I’d love to be able to do that’. And then I do.

    While I understand and accept your view on emotions as not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (since those are relative anyway), but as a whole spectrum, I would still label them as constructive or destructive because I can feel their effects upon my life and others’.

    Thank you for everything!

  157. Love this! Totally empowering.

  158. CC

    Amazingly, your video posts always seem to come around at the right time. When I’m struggling with trying to maintain my momentum on my site, feeling like I’ll never get to where I want to be…I can always count on the Q&A Tuesday to speak to whatever fear or uncertainty experiencing.

    http://www.enduringethereal.com

  159. Ha ha- I JUST taught this to my group of meditators in the intro to mindfulness course I am running. It was interesting to hear people’s reactions to their supposedly Good or Bad emotions. I asked them to sit with the feelings and just be with them and not aim to judge them as goo for bad experiences.
    Spot on as always Marie xx

  160. You know, this is the first time I have seen jealously portrayed this way and I have to say, it’s really refreshing. Have you ever noticed when you post vacation pics on Facebook that nobody will “like” those photos, or if you post an astronomically super event from your life? But you post something negative, and swarms of people show up to voice their hate. It would be nice for people to get over the jealousy enough to find the reason for that emotion and strive to get it for themselves (the object they’re jealous of) It sure would make the world a better place.

  161. Marie, can is just say ‘Thank You’ for being in my head! I did ‘B School’ this year too! In my own time, But continue to access the modules, all the time! You’ve changed my life, it’s Raw’ sometimes and lonely running and my Business , but I’ve learned to , find the ‘Right Team’ to help energise my customers so they will love, what we offer, my aim is to ensure my Business becomes part of their lives as you , have become for me, YOU are always on my shoulder, so I would like to

    ‘Thank You’ from the bottom of my heart! You are Awesome! X

  162. This is one of my favorites! I have had to look that green.eyed monster in the face a few times, and I’ve learned a lot from ‘tasting the rainbow’ and finding out what envy meant for ME. I have then used that envy to work my a** off… and things are happening in my world due to that vision and perseverance. Great advice and so wonderful that you normalized it so we don’t all feel like children when we are envious! xo

  163. Girl, you f***ing rock!

    My cure and immediate antidote for comparisonitis is to turn envy into INSPIRATION.

    Love xxx
    Ronja

  164. For me, when I see someone else doing something I want to be doing, the voice I hear says “Why bother putting in the effort-it’s already been done.” The thing is, though, it may have been done before, but not by me. The only person who can bring my unique perspective/viewpoints/opinions/passion/love/whatever to that project is ME. This makes it worth pursuing! (Now, I just have to take my own advice…)

  165. Laura

    Great topic! One of my favorite quotes applies.

    “Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation” – Oscar Wilde

  166. Jen

    I love all your videos but this one tops the list. I loved your vulnerability. You are such a beautiful leader to so many that some of us do have envy towards you. How could we not? You are awesome! That line between loving somebody’s work & personality, wanting what they have, and being jealous & too hard on ourselves is a fine line that I think we all struggle with at some point in our lives. Sharing your little story about Paris reminds us that nobody’s lives are perfect all the time. Even though intellectually we know this already, the reminder is so helpful. It also helps us connect to you more. Loved it! Thanks for sharing!

  167. Evi

    Hello Marie!
    You have made my mornings very interesting since I prefer to watch your videos when I wake up for motivating me before I start my day. Yes, I agree with you that when you envy other people there is a downside that we don’t know about. I am an artist and I envy-envied other artists’ careers and when I got to talk to a few they lack something else. Earning more money, fighting with the galleries and etc..

    I liked what you said about incorporating what she has into what I need to have in my life. I try to get inspired by positive and ambitious people and I eliminate the negative ones.

    Thanks for the lovely quotes!

    Evi

  168. What a great question! Every single one of us has that “envy” part, we just try to either hide it, or pretend it’s not there. I completely agree with your point #3, turn it into action. If someone else did it, there is a high probability that anyone else can do it just as well. I am in a highly competitive market with my business, but that didn’t stop it to go out there and make it happen for myself. I am supportive within my community and I try to help out the next person as much as I can.
    Thanks Marie, great video.

  169. Whenever I feel jealous I know I am need to work on my own personal goals more. It’s a good emotion to get you on your path.

  170. OHHH!

    I know exactly what you mean!!!!

    I was jealous of others for travelling to all these exotic places that I never went to then I thought, “Well, why aren’t I going anyway!?” now I’m starting a website that helps others follow their travel dreams – pretty cool huh!?

  171. Toya

    I am jealous of my best friend who loves me to death. She would probably walk on hot coals for me, and I feel really bad about my jealousy. She is gorgeous, successful, loving, and engaged to a very successful man. I am obese, underemployed,still asking my parents for help, and just tired of living in poverty. She just purchased a beautiful condo and brought all of this great furniture while I’m still bargain shopping at the goodwill or craigslist. My jealousy has gotten so bad over the years that we now probably speak two or three times a week over the phone. We probably have lunch once a month now, and I try to keep my personal life to myself. I thought I was still her maid of honor, but a couple days ago she sent me a text and said that her sister really wanted to take my place. I gave her short response, but I was deeply hurt. She has done nothing but loved and supported me through my entire life. I was also there for her doing the tough time. My heart would especially ache when men always approached her and complimented the outfit that I helped picked out for her. When they were impressed by how spiritual she was, and I’m the one that introduced her to spirituality. I have decided that it’s best that we part ways, because I am not happy where my life is going right now. I feel like a big ball of negativity around her. I know she feels it also, and is tired of it. I decided not to attend her wedding, unfriend her on all social media, and move on with my life. I have set goals for myself, and I prefer to take the journey alone. The jealousy was killing me, and she of all people doesn’t deserve that.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Toya, it definitely sounds like you have some things you really want to work towards and grow into and feel, so focusing on your life and your goals sounds like a great next step.

      Have you seen Marie’s episode with Danielle LaPorte on setting goals and investigating how you want to feel above all else?

      Here’s the link, just in case you missed that one — it’s great!
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/12/danielle-laporte-goals-desire/

  172. Bianka

    I am glad I found your youtube channel, which brought me here.
    About my way of overcoming jealousy, I admit I still haven’t perfected it, because I’ve tried both extremes – to either feel the green monster filling my every pore and making me simmer in my own bitterness, or shove the jealousy somewhere deep and desperately focus on something positive, taking the high road etc.
    Then I realised it, and now I have seen you confirm it for me, the same conclusion – what you resist, persists. I found that indeed, the more resistance I throw against the thing, the more I experience it. But the key moment here is not to try and let it go before fully experiencing the emotion.
    So lately, what I’ve been doing is to find an outlet. For example – seeking confessions of people online about having the same situation, like “jealous of my bf’s sister, because he adores her and she gets all his attention”, or “I can’t help feeling sorry for myself when I see how all of my friends already have children and I don’t even have a steady relationship in my life, and I’m 31 already”. I read the confessions, I “feed” off the similar emotions people describe and then it seems to be easier to let go. It no longer feels so sore and bitter. So that’s my method. 🙂
    Keep up with those great videos!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Bianka, thank you so much for sharing. It’s so true that often what we resist does persist, and it’s wonderful to hear that you’ve found ways to see and acknowledge those jealous feelings and let them go more easily. We’re so glad you found us via YouTube and feel free to check out more of our episodes anytime!

  173. Renee

    Hi, I’m Renee
    There’s this girl in my class who’ve ive been hardcore jealous of. Like she’s the PERFECT PERSON. She’s a genius, beautiful, multi talented, super nice and EVERYONE loves her. Basically she’s good at everything. I know i’m an awesome person but its like she’s effortlessly perfect. I’m sure she works hard but it just kills me to have to see her being Little Miss Perfect all the time. I tried wanting to be her friend but it never took off. I’ve tried looking for some kind of negative aspect to make myself feel better but THERE. IS. NOTHING. Sigh. I hate being jealous. My Dad tells me not to compare myself to anyone because we will all lead different lives but its SO HARD. She’s just perfect and I can’t be perfect. It sucks.

  174. Fenris

    For me im jealous of people that can travel and always rubbing in they have new pets and so on. I want to do those things too but it takes time to plan And my ocd father is an obstruction to these things. Life is unfair, i shld be happy n have pets too. Also becos i hardly get to bond with frens yet they get busy and then stop talking with me

  175. MG

    Hi Marie, Team Marie,
    Love your advice. Regarding the topic of envy. I don’t like to feel envious. It makes me feel like I failed in the game of life while the person I envy figured out the ‘answer’ and won the game. I found your article on envy today when I had a particularly strong twinge. The people I envy have lives that appear shiny and happy. They own their own business. They are free. They have moms and dads and a good support system. They are in great shape and are attractive and they are married to attractive, devoted men and have little kids to take care of. I’m probably the polar opposite of these people. I’m successful at my corporate job but I am drowning in stress. My family is best described as cra-cra. So busy being miserable that they could care less to be supportive to others. My only parent has Alzheimers. I have two dogs and they are literally my only support system. Love never worked out for me, never had kids. I’m overweight and out of shape. I love my two dogs with my everything but as much as I love them they don’t fill me up the way a husband and kids might. My house is a work in progress, so many things that need to be done but when it is just you doing everything, a lot gets left undone. I sound like an ungrateful whiner and I don’t mean to but this is where I am right now.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      MG, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time. I absolutely relate to seeing friends and others with shiny, happy lives and wondering how they’ve found the answers, so I know you’re not alone there.

      We’ve done a couple other MarieTV episodes on similar topics, so I thought I might share those too for a few thoughts and tips:

      http://marieforleo.com/2011/06/jealous-people-industry-watch/
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/10/feeling-behind-in-life/
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/11/downside-gratitude/

      One thing I always do my best to remind myself is that we always see 100% of who we are personally, but we almost never see the full scope of someone else’s life — even some of our closest friends. Especially in the modern world of Instagram filters and the ability to curate just the right pictures to share on social media, it’s so easy to see only a narrow image of someone else’s life, that may actually not be nearly as perfect as it looks.

      Whenever I get tempted to look at someone else’s success and wish I were there, I try to remember that my own story is mine, and for all its imperfections, there are a lot of things to celebrate too.

      That’s just a few thoughts, but I hope it helps … thank you so much for tuning in! xo

  176. The jealousy is linked to a person’s own feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness (Shame).
    The feeling can be used as a guide to remove that feeling so no more jealousy.

  177. Jenny

    Haha, I watched this episode because I felt really envious of a lady who I thought has the best man on earth! Applying that tweetable would make me look very mean, though – “I’ll have what she has!” …….not the solution I was looking for 😀

  178. Corrin Knight

    I’ve posted the “unfiltered” posts on purpose. Yea it is weird you’re right about that! …but I did it in the name of the cure for Bipolar. They’re all down now and the recovery process has commenced but I came out swinging March 30th of last year, World Bipolar Day, for as many people as possible to witness the process of my final meltdown into the cure so I can help every single person with mental illness issues recover 100% from anxiety to schizophrenia. And I had a hell of a time getting there! Totes lits. 😉
    Thanks for sharing the envy vid…I left a comment on your FB post to explain simply what envy really is and the positive side to it. Love you Marie + crew!

  179. As if I was meant to see this.

    I often catch myself feeling envious of IG models or girls who have what I wish to be having. Luckily I taught myself to turn my envy into my motivation. I might not immediately turn on that switch, but I’m happy that I’m able to.

    Also, it’s quite a relief to know that more great ladies experience this feeling 😂

  180. Wow. It’s like you read my mind. Thank you Anne for asking and voicing it so eloquently. Thanks to Marie for (as always) having great As to this Q! You could be the source of many people’s envy and instead you brought us all back down to Earth. I love this and can definitely use more rainbows and the fuel in my life to succeed where I have been stuck. Also, the fact that you can easily explain quantum vibration while referencing Marky Mark deserves an award they haven’t invented yet. You are awesome and I’m so thankful for your courage to go first and inspire the rest of us!

  181. Great perspective! Thank you for this lesson.

  182. Hi Marie,

    and thank you for having discussed this feeling : the envy. I’ m not a envious person, I’ve never been. But, since ten years ago the symptomps of my rare genetic disease – the Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia – had begun to come out clearly, limiting my capability of movement, I felt envious of ‘normal’ people, that, on Instagram, seemed to having a lot of fun and to be successful in their work. I felt envious because I felt alone, forgotten, apart. That was not true, of douse. That was all in my mind. I said to myself “If only I was able to walk on my legs, I could do these things too (that is travel, see more people, make more pr actions useful for my job etc.). The solution? Thinking about of much we are different, and more self – esteem. It’s ok, I can do this, BUT I can do that, or I can do more than this but in a different and creative way. I mean, the point is: act, set your goals, look at the others but just to find inspiration. Believe in yourself, then create your idea, use the energy of your envy and go! Ps Sorry for my English…I’m Italian, and I wanted to share my experience, regardless my way of writing!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful perspective with us, Francesca! I love what you said about looking to others, but only to find inspiration. That’s so true. (And your English is wonderful, by the way!) 🙂

  183. Briana

    First of all, Your dress is sooo poppin!
    This was such a great video! Its been something I’ve struggled with but this definitely helps put everything in perspective! Thanks Marie!

  184. Matt

    Are you for real?? What you said or the man said about them just being vibrations is pop psychology in my opinion.
    Course we label emotions because the bad ones ARE bad!!! They cause severe pain, trauma, confusion, nausea, loss of appetite etc just to name a few!!

    and who wouldn’t want to label beautiful emotions (states that reflect nuanced emotions) like lust, love, empathy, freedom etc!??

  185. Thanks for your perspective Marie! I’m trying to find the silver lining in envy and your tweetable certainly nailed one. Really enjoyed this episode.

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