In this episode of MarieTV, we do have some adult language. So if you do have little ones around, grab your headphones now.
Hey guys, what’s up? It’s Marie Forleo and you’re watching a very special little edition of MarieTV. We are doing MarieTV Live, meaning the call-in show where I’m gonna take some live Q’s and hopefully give some A’s.
You can deliver some A’s.
I can deliver some – well, I love delivering A’s. See, what all y’all in MarieTV land may not know, unless you’re a B-Schooler or you’re like an OG and you’ve been with me for a really long time, is that live Q&A is literally like one of the things I love to do most on the earth. B-Schoolers know this because sometimes I do a marathon like eight hours in one day or six hours in one day, take a little break to pee and eat, but otherwise just going for those Q’s and A’s. So we’re gonna give this a go.
And I do want to just put out a warning. If you’ve watched my unplugged episodes or you happen to know me, the fact that I’m live means that it’s a very high likelihood Mama’s going to curse, drop a little bomb here, a little bomb there. So if you are the kind of person who likes to offend yourself with that language, get off the show. Don’t watch it. Stop it. Because I don’t want to hear your shitty comments. Alright? There we go.
Ice cream emoji.
Let’s get going. No, I’m serious though. If that’s like you just don’t roll like that, I – bless you, bless me. We all got to be each other, but this is the real show right now. Alright. So Louise is gonna call up someone who said they would be available. We’re gonna try and connect with Amy.
Oh, by the way. Wait. Before we connect with Amy – did you start connecting with her? This is Greg Patterson.
One of my closest friends and the person who’s always responsible for the coif. So, yeah. He does – he does some good things.
And I just love him. So we’re gonna hang out. And all the rest of the MarieTV crew is here. Guys, say hi.
They’re here, so you can hear them too. Alright. Now that you know who everybody is and how it’s gonna roll, we’re just gonna do this.
This is Amy.
Hey, Amy. It’s Marie Forleo.
Hi, how are you?
I’m so good. How are you, Amy? Amy, where are we calling you. Where geographically are you located?
I am in central Illinois. I am in between Chicago and St. Louis in the middle of a corn and soybean field.
Awesome, that sounds great. Well, Amy, thank you so much for submitting a question. I don’t actually know what question you submitted. Louise actually just chose you. So if you could tell us your question, I will do my best to answer it.
Okay. I believe my question was how do you stay focused on moving forward the things that are going to have a big impact on your business or moving your business forward versus getting distracted by the day-to-day minutia, for example?
And every email that comes in or Skype or Slack or whatever.
How do you stay focused on the big picture?
Amy, great question. I will tell you, increasingly, this is for you and for everybody watching, this is becoming a bigger and bigger issue in our world because we have these friggin’ things, which I know you can’t see what I’m holding up, but right now I’m holding up my cell phone. It’s like the biggest distraction machine ever. All the different apps, all the different ways that we give people permission to basically interrupt us.
So here’s how I do it, Amy, and maybe this can be instructive for you. First of all, I know my priorities. They are very, very clear. So in context, right now besides shooting this show and getting done the episodes that we have to get done for the year, I’m working on my next book. So everybody in my life, meaning the entire team, colleagues of mine, my guy Josh, my family, they know that my book is priority number one. They’re not gonna hear from me, I’m not gonna text them back, I’m not gonna email them back. I have an autoresponder on. The whole team knows basically things got to be like just on fire if they’re gonna interrupt me during my writing time. And that’s not something that’s threatening, it’s just a reality. So I know that it’s a little bit of a unique situation. It might not apply perfectly for you.
But here’s how I would suggest that you handle it. Every single day, right? We did an episode on this, so it may be a reminder if you’ve seen this one. And if you haven’t seen this one, we’re gonna put a link and we’ll make sure we email it to you. There’s things – something you can do at the end of your day that takes four minutes that will set you up to win like a friggin’ champ every day that you go to work. And it’s this. Take four or five minutes at the end of your day and write down exactly what your top priorities for the next day. So you’re not just gonna write down the tasks or the projects or the meetings that you have. Amy, the next thing that I want you to also do is write down how long it’s gonna take you in your estimation to complete that.
So, for example, for me, you know, one of the things I know I need to do in the morning is work out. So I’m like, okay, I know tomorrow’s workout is gonna take me about 35 minutes. So I put 35 minutes there. Then I know I need to prepare for an interview. You know, I’m interviewing an author and I’m like, okay, that’s gonna take me about an hour and a half to finalize my questions. Then I want to spend three hours in writing my book. So not only am I going in with very clear priorities, but I’m also time chunking in an estimated way about how long it’s gonna take me to get things done.
And then, Amy, it’s all about discipline. It’s like when you go to work in the morning if you want to put those time chunks in your calendar, shut off the damn Slack. Shut off the email.
Put your phone on airplane mode. And I know this sounds really basic and you’re like, “God, this isn’t revolutionary,” but actually it is. Because not that many people actually do these things in terms of turn their phone on airplane mode, put an autoresponder on their email, close down Slack, and just train themselves to focus on the important things they have to get done versus putting out the urgent fires. Does that make sense?
Right. Yes, it does. And it can be tough because I’m a freelance copywriter, so I have multiple clients and I have to resist the urge to respond to people right away.
You got it.
And that can be tough, yeah. That can be tough at times. But it also, I think, makes me look more in demand, which – which I am already, which is great, but I think by – you can – it’s better to give time and thought before responding anyway, right?
But I have things coming in from multiple clients, and that’s a tough one.
Absolutely. So I’m gonna interrupt you for a moment, Amy, because I want to make an important point that you highlighted. When you respond to people immediately, whether it’s email or on text or on Slack, and, by the way, this is contextual. So I’m talking to Amy right now given her business. But when you respond to people immediately, you’re training them that you’re always gonna respond immediately.
So you, especially when you have clients, you need to set very clear boundaries and expectations with them so that they know, “Hey, I’m checking my email always at 4 P.M.” You know, anything that comes in, that’s my time to check an email. Or perhaps Amy, I don’t know if you have – if you’re at this place in your business right now, but if you have an assistant you can say, “Hey, you can always reach out to my assistant. If there’s an emergency.” And here’s what constitutes an emergency. It’s got to be, you know, “Oprah is banging on the door and they need a bit of copy.” Do you know what I mean? There’s like a real, genuine copy emergency. If there’s not, you have to set the expectations for when they’re gonna hear back from you.
I promise you, if you do the couple of things that I mentioned and you stay disciplined with it, I promise you’re gonna get so much more done than you’ve ever imagined. One final thing that I’ll share with you before we wrap up. I want you to understand, I’m holding up my phone again, because I know you can’t see us. But our phones and all the apps, including Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, even Slack, they are designed to be addictive. Maybe not Slack so much. Slack is in a different kind of realm. But I’ll say most of social media is designed to be addictive. You are not the consumer, you’re the product. Your attention is the product. So you have to retake your power and your attention against all the forces that are trying to steal it from you.
That might sound dramatic, but it is the truth of our world right now and it will be moving forward. And the people who are gonna win understand that how they train themselves to focus and be productive are the people that are gonna win at the top levels from now and in the future.
Yeah. I think you’re right and I think it’s great advice to schedule things according to how much time it takes. I actually just started doing that, and start mapping out, okay, at 6 – from 6 to 6:30 I’m doing this, and I’m taking the dog out from 6:30 on a walk until 7, and all of that.
To try and hit – yeah.
Sounds – totally. Sounds basic as hell, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t do this and then don’t feel in control of their time or their energy or their ability to create results. And of course, you know…
Things happen. Dogs get sick, humans get sick, fires happen. That’s cool. But when you have – we’re laughing. You’re hearing some laughing, Amy, because right before we started taking these calls, we – Greg…
We yessed our life out.
We yessed our life out and we hit a light bulb and it crashed all over the place and it was actually pretty funny. So that’s what we’re talking about. But stuff like that does happen. Unexpected things. But if you’ve got like a nice puzzle piece in front of you and you understand how much time things take, when a fire happens, when an emergency happens, all of a sudden you can start moving around your puzzle pieces and you’re not gonna get taken that much off track 90% of the time.
Awesome. I think that’s great advice.
Amy, thank you so much for being on our show and being our first ever caller on the MarieTV Live call-in show.
Oh, my gosh! I didn’t know that! That’s so exciting!
Thanks Amy! Have a great day.
You too. Bye.
Do you remember a few years ago you mentioned that to me, like kind of mapping out like that. And I can’t tell you how much of…
Has it made a big difference?
Huge difference. Because I’m a creative as well, and it’s hard to like stay focused and organized. And when you shared the same information I was like mm – but you have to do it.
You have to do it.
That’s the key.
And, you know, a lot of people will ask me, like what’s my organizational system? And this one isn’t it, because this is one that’s in the studio, but I literally use a spiral bound notebook. I write down like, you know, last night I did this. I was like okay, Wednesday. And then I write down the date and I make these little check boxes. Literally, I don’t know if you can see this. It’s so dumb, but I do this. And Greg knows this because he comes over to my house sometimes to give me a blowout and…
You see them on her like desk right there. I’m like what are – like old-school notebook status right there.
It’s the simplest thing. You don’t need like a ton of fancy systems and it just – it gets it done. Alright. Cool. Louise, who we got coming up next? We’re gonna try – oh, we think it’s Sebel.
It is Sebel.
Hi Sebel! It’s Marie Forleo. How are you?
Am I dreaming?
No! Thank you so much. We didn’t know if we had connected to you or not. You are on the MarieTV Live call-in show. Yay! So I don’t know what question you submitted. I don’t even know if you do either. But go ahead and ask your question and I’m gonna do my best to answer it.
Okay. Well, I’m a cellist. I’m freelancing at the moment. I finished my degree two years ago and I’ve been doing 50 plus auditions and interviews trying to find a stable job.
A lot of the material for each of the auditions is the same, so I feel like I’m beating a dead horse sometimes. And my question was how to stay motivated when I’m under this pressure.
Yes. It’s a great question. And I want to tell you, I have a lot of artists in my life. Josh, my man, is an actor. I have a lot of friends who are actors and writers and musicians, so artists are a big part of my life, so I can really relate to your question. And I can also relate to that feeling like, gosh, you’ve been on so many auditions and you’re not seeing any fruit from your labor, and it starts to get demotivating.
So here’s a few things that I want to share with you. One, I don’t know if you saw the episode that we did with Bryce Dallas Howard, the actress.
No, I didn’t.
Okay, we’re gonna send that one to you. And for anyone watching who, again, is a performer, you have got to watch this interview. And I’ll tell you the key point, but I think the whole entire interview is gonna be so worth it to you. One of the great things that her grandmother, who was a working actor back in the day when like Hollywood was in its just hugest, grandest, most elegant world, and she was a working actor – not necessarily the A-list celebrity, but someone who’s getting the job done – taught her this very valuable lesson.
She said, “Hey, Bryce. When you’re first starting out you’re gonna go on anywhere between like 65 and 94 auditions.” I may not have the number right, but you’ll get it when you watch the interview. And it’s likely you’re not gonna book one of them. Working actors have to audition like 94 times before they’re likely to get a bite.”
When Bryce’s grandmother told her this when she was little, Bryce then had a framework where when she started to go on auditions, she would start counting. She’s like, “Wow, I got 30 rejections. Oh, my goodness. I got 40 rejections.” She kept using it as this way to get closer and closer and closer to that 94 number or 64 number, whatever it was, and get motivated that she’s likely getting close to the possibility of getting one.
And then Bryce told me she would also remember that her grandma said, “Look, those are the stats when you’re a working actor. So when you’re just starting off it’s probably gonna be much worse.” I love that story and I’ve told it to my stepson, who’s also an actor and a musician, because in the industry that you’re in it is so easy to get rejected over and over and over again and then to, rightfully, start taking it personally and start thinking, “God, is this crazy? Should I even be doing this? Is this like not possible?”
What I would say to you, my love, is if it’s starting to get to the place where the financial pressure is too much, if you don’t already have one or something to try and find some type of job, day job, bridge job, whatever kind of job to get money flowing in so you can continue to keep going at this thing, because I believe discipline is where it’s at. It’s really the long game when it comes to the arts, and it’s so disheartening at first. But so many people that I’ve met who have been able to break through have told me the same story over and over again. In the beginning it was just the hardest they could have ever imagined. It took longer than they could have ever imagined, and they are so happy that they finally stuck it through to break through to the other side.
Yeah, okay. We will…
What’d you say, darling?
We will break through, yeah.
You will break through. And, again, I’m not minimizing how difficult it is, but one of the things is about reframing it. And just knowing like the life of an artist, generally speaking – and I include many entrepreneurs in this, creative entrepreneurs – we have to learn to eat rejection for breakfast. Like, we’ve gotta be able to go, “you know, what? This is part of what I signed up for. I’m gonna fucking love it. Even though it’s difficult, I’m gonna go for it. I’m gonna keep going. I’m gonna believe in my dream. If I have to get some day jobs on the side, some side jobs, some weekend jobs, some night jobs to keep the money flowing in so I can feel a little sense of security, I’m gonna do that. And never feel ashamed for it.”
You know, a spiritual piece that you shared with me one time, remember when I was going through my little creative process as well and you said – what’d you say? “Life’s rejections are God’s protections.”
That literally became my motto when going through these auditions or going through those moments of there was a piece to the soul that I needed to get me through all of that stuff.
Yeah. And you’re listening to Greg right now, which if you watch MarieTV you know Greg, who is my incredible hair beauty expert. He was just sharing that, because that’s something that I shared with him.
That helped my soul through that process.
And I don’t know if this is useful to you at all, but it’s actually helped me, because at this point in my career I still get rejected. I still do. There’s things that I want, there’s things that I want to see happen that someone says no. I want to interview them, they don’t know who the hell I am, they think the show is bullshit, whatever. Greg just did some interesting hand moves.
That’s the friend coming in to protect.
That’s the friend coming in. But you could imagine what those are. And that little phrase that life’s rejection is God’s protection, you know, whether or not your spiritual, it doesn’t matter. You can substitute that word for anything that’s meaningful to you. It’s meant a lot for me and it’s helped keep me on the path to staying productive and staying creative. I hope this was helpful for you, love.
This is. Thank you very much.
Thank you so much. Keep going, keep watching the show, keep in touch with us. We’ll keep you motivated and inspired and keep you grounded in what’s real, which is your creativity in the long game.
Okay, thank you so much.
Thank you, love. Bye.
So hard. It’s so hard.
The rejection piece.
And staying motivated, not getting defeated by that.
Well, I think what’s challenging too, because as creatives, at least I’ll speak for myself, I’m a very sensitive soul. And now I’ve been doing this long enough, it’s been over 17 years, that I don’t want to say I have a tougher skin, I just have a larger perspective. So I’m able to let things roll off my shoulders a lot easier than say I did when I was just starting out.
But I think it’s this interesting paradox, because as creatives, as people who do acting or painting or drawing or music or anything, we – part of our creativity I think is our sensitivity. Part of our gift is the fact that we feel things. Right? And we want to express things. So it makes it that much more, at least, could be painful when you kind of keep getting smacked down.
But you don’t want to lose that part of yourself either.
You don’t want to lose that part of yourselves.
… because it means you still care.
Yeah. But I think for all of us though, right? For all of us as creatives, we have to know rejection is part of the game.
Everybody is shaking their heads.
Right. To eat it for breakfast.
I’m gonna eat that shit for breakfast. Move on to lunch, give me some more. I can take it.
A shit burrito. Let’s roll it up.
Roll it up. It’s a rejection burrito.
I’m down. I’ll take two.
Rejection reuben. We’ll take it. Give me another one. I got it.
Would you get it pressed or would you just have it like cold?
I would always have it pressed, and cheese melted on the side.
Double up. Who else we got coming up?
Is this Bryce?
Is this Marie?
It is! Hey, Bryce. Welcome to the MarieTV Live show. Thank you so much for letting me call you.
Oh, my gosh. I’m happy to answer the phone.
Yes. So I actually haven’t seen the questions, so go ahead and ask me your question and I’m gonna do my best to provide some value.
Okay. Let me pull it up real quick because I feel like I worded it better than what I can say.
Of course. Do your thing. We’re just hanging out. Any, by the way, just so you know, I know you can’t see us, but I have Greg with me. And I know, Bryce, you regularly watch MarieTV, so you know who Greg is, the one who always makes my hair look dead and done.
I do, I do. Hello, Greg. How are you?
Well, how are you?
I am doing really well.
For your Q.
Okay. So I wrote in right now … because I know that a lot of MarieTV viewers have experienced or are going basically alongside with me right now the same thing. And it’s I’m transitioning from working in my business to working on it. And I have amazing team members, but it seems like a bit spastic in this transition and even though they’re working, even though I’m working, I’m now managing, which is more time consuming than I expected. And so my question is, what are the top things that I should really know during this exciting but like extremely demanding transition?
Yes. Great question, Bryce. And I just want to first say congratulations for starting to make that transition where it sounds like it’s no longer just you wearing all of the hats, but now you have a great team and you’re starting to build out that team and you need to manage that team. So tell us all for anyone who doesn’t know what you do, tell us the type of business that you run.
Yeah. So I have a marketing company that I run and I’m really kind of specializing in email marketing. And so a lot of my focus is placed within that arena: email marketing and optimizing the website to really create a strong sense of like client connection through email.
Great. Awesome. Okay. So you asked about what do you need to kind of focus on and really pay attention to if you’re gonna successfully make that transition from working in your business to on your business. So there’s a few things I want you to know. One is you have to realize that change is great, but transitions suck. Meaning in the transition phase of when you grow into something, it can be really, really difficult because you’re growing into something that you’re uncomfortable with. Right? It’s unfamiliar.
So one of the things is scheduling your time appropriately, making sure that you do have some focus time set for just you in terms of thinking about big picture strategy, in terms of making lists, agendas of the different items that you want to talk to with each of your team members or staff members, and making sure that you’re really conscious about how you’re spending your days from the moment that you wake up until the moment that you close that computer at night.
You have to always retain space, white space and white time. Doesn’t have to be – but you know what I mean. Clear, open, free time so that you as the CEO can continue to think and strategize ahead.
Second thing that I wanted to mention to you is creating really good habits with your team. So if you start training people that they can call you at any time. Right? They can Slack message you, they can email you, they can text you, and just ask you any question, my guess is that it’s gonna be really difficult down the line for you, because you’re not training them to collect their thoughts, batch their questions, and have meeting have meetings with people so that you can have a good sense of workflow throughout the day. Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah. It makes perfect sense. And I think the biggest challenge in all of that is kind of reminding myself of the bigger vision. Like reminding myself why I’m being conscious about every minute and sometimes it maybe can feel hard to know – I know one of the things like that you shared is like if you could go back and tell your former self something that you would just say “relax, you’re gonna make it. Like, enjoy all this.” So I think being connected with myself 10 years from now, knowing that I’ll arrive in this kind of vision that I see myself in.
Remembering that today is kind of – can be sometimes challenging.
Yeah. And I would say in terms of team and staff too, another few things to keep in mind, you know, for me as the CEO of my company and also the creator and the person who’s responsible for driving a lot of the creative concepts and the content of the company, I have really strong people around me that are great managers.
So if I were to classify myself, I’d probably be more of an artist. Right? Rather than a manager. So I have people around me who can manage other team players, and that may be something that you need to start looking for. Either understanding if there’s someone on your team who is a natural manager slash leader who can train and continue to bring up all of your staff and keep them on track and keep them inspired and really lead them to results, or if you’re gonna take on that role. And I would say if you are gonna take on that role, you’re gonna need someone else to run with you who’s also highly creative and visionary, because you will reach a point where you can’t do it all. You just can’t.
And so when I reached that point in my business I was really fortunate enough to be able to find someone and hire her, and she’s an extraordinary leader. And then so many other folks on my team as well, we’ve all developed ourselves to be team leaders so that people can take projects to completion on their own, they can train other team members, bring them up, train them to be leaders. But you have to really keep that in mind, especially as you’re going ahead. Otherwise the risk you run is of doing nothing well and never having that time to keep that higher vision, to keep things moving forward. Because there’s only so long that you can keep all the plates spinning. Right?
So keep that in mind too. I think that’s another big thing. And then I would say finally, one other tip I’ve talked about this before on MarieTV, but I think it’s so important, is understanding your team’s strengths. Understanding their love language. If you haven’t watched that episode, go rewatch it because everyone is motivated in different ways and the key to making sure that your team is performing at their top, top level is to make sure that you understand how they’re best motivated, how they feel appreciated. And you really get what their strengths are so you’re not putting stuff on their plate every day that they’re like yeah, they’re doing it because they love you, but it’s not their genius zone, and eventually that’ll make them leave.
Yeah. No, that makes perfect sense. One of my project managers just sent me something the other day, it was like the – it was with the Integram profile that you can take and kind of go through. And it was encouraging just to see her kind of taking action and leading in that. So yeah. All of that sounds beautiful. I love it.
Awesome. Awesome, Bryce. Was this helpful for you?
Good luck. Keep it going. Keep that space to have the big vision and the ability to keep leading, and I have no doubt you’re gonna crush this.
Awesome. It was so great to speak with you. You as well, Greg. And I hope you guys have a blast finishing the rest of this out.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, it’s a really tough thing because a lot of us start our businesses because we’re really good at something, and then all of a sudden we have a business. And then you have to hire staff and then it’s like all these new roles and responsibilities that you never imagined that you would have, but you have to learn how to do it. And sometimes, you know, our DNA, we’re not necessarily as gifted at managing a team as we are as being the creator. And you have to understand the difference and be able to hire around your strengths.
Where do you store all this information in this nugget of yours?
It’s all in the hair.
I’m like how do you – how do you know which like zone to pull from?
It’s all in the hair. No. Just years and years and years. And I’m still learning.
Just invaluable information.
You know, if you guys saw my house, you see it sometimes when you come over, but I was looking in my house yesterday and I was like, “Oh, my goodness. I have such a book addiction.”
A book addiction.
I mean, I have the stacks up right now especially because I’m working on my book. And I see a – I’ll be researching something, I see a reference. I’m like, “Oh, I need that one too. Oh, I need to read everything there is to know about that.” So what’s where it all comes from.
Alright, who else we got next?
Ashley, are you there?
Hi! Oh, my gosh.
Hey, Ashley. It’s Marie Forleo. How are you?
Fantastic, cause you called me.
Yay! So, darling, thank you so much for taking our call. I just wanted you to know, I don’t have your question in front of me. So we’ll have you just share whatever your question is, and you’ll hear other voices in the background because all the MarieTV crew is here.
That’s so cool. Hi, crew!
What’s your question, love?
Okay, so my question is: as my business grows and develops, new ideas come. When I share my ideas sometimes I feel like I’m looking for permission from others to move forward. How can I stop this habit of insecurity and develop a better support slash tribe?
Love it. Great question. Okay, so two things, Ashley. One, it’s a really natural impulse, I think for many of us, to have a new idea and want to bounce it out to someone else and get some kind of feedback. So question for you: do you have any dear friends that you trust or anyone that you work with that – and when I say trust I don’t just mean trust on the level that they’re not gonna steal your shit – I mean trust on an emotional level that you can be safe and your heart is safe with them.
Okay. Great. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I would venture to say that the people who you trust, if they do give you feedback that’s perhaps not what you want to hear, they don’t necessarily deliver it in a way that’s crushing. Right?
Right. Like sometimes I think I’ve noticed that I might need to whittle down that trust circle.
Maybe there’s some people – there’s some at the very center who are the core people I trust, but maybe on the further outskirts I trust them but maybe – I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t trust them with certain ideas.
Yes. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I’m gonna give you some confetti. You hit the nail on the head. I had a sense when listening to you that there was someone, maybe one or two people, that you know without a shadow of a doubt you can tell them something and they’re really gonna take your idea and hear it and let you swim around in it without batting it down, and then there’s other people that don’t … deserve, excuse me, to be in your inner circle and you need to stop sharing with them.
The other thing I wanted to tell you is this. Oftentimes as creatives and entrepreneurs, we can get ourselves into habit. You know, it’s been said, when it comes to research, that 40% of our activities each day are actually habits. We’re not deciding what to do. We’re doing it on autopilot. And something I’ve seen as … that can be a negative pattern is asking what people think before you actually do it.
Got it. Okay.
Even with people that you’re comfortable with, even with people that you trust. So two things. One, dial down that inner circle and have it be only that one or two or maybe three people. I would doubt it’s three. One or two that you know you can trust without a shadow of a doubt. And number two: train yourself to start making decisions and acting on them without checking with other people.
Got it. Okay. I can totally do that.
Yay! I guarantee between those two things you’re gonna start second guessing yourself less, trusting yourself more. And then for those instances where you really want to bounce an idea off of someone, you’re gonna do it with someone who’s gonna keep your heart protected and give you the kind of useful, honest, loving feedback that’ll really help you move ahead.
Yay, Ashley! Thank you so much, darling. Keep us posted.
Thank you, that’s amazing. So excited. Okay, I cannot wait to put this into use like right now.
You’ve got this.
Alright, Ashley. We’ll talk to you soon, love. Bye.
Thank you! Bye.
It’s Marie Forleo. How the hell are ya?
Oh, my God. I’m great, how are you?
I’m so good. I’m so happy to be talking to you, man.
This is amazing. I’m really happy to be talking to you.
Awesome. Well, I’ll let you know that you are on with me and the entire amazing MarieTV crew. So we’re all here and I’m gonna do my best to answer your question. And I don’t know what your question is, so why don’t you go ahead and ask it and we’ll get rocking and rolling.
Okay. Thank you for choosing me to be on the show. And my question is: what fear did you make up in your mind that turned out not to be true when you decided to really chase your dream?
Awesome. So what fear did I make up in my mind when I was first starting out that turned out not to be true? Lucas, this is a great question. I love it.
So I probably had a lot of them, but one of the biggest ones for me was that people wouldn’t like the real me. So when I started my business I was the ripe old age of 23 years old, and I was so terribly insecure that I wasn’t intelligent enough, that I wasn’t old enough, that I didn’t have enough sophistication, that I didn’t have a high-level business degree, and that people just wouldn’t like the real me. They wouldn’t like the fact that I’m goofy, that I make up words, I’m not perfect with grammar, that I say things like shit and fuck sometimes, that I talk about smurfs. All of these weird things that were the real me, I thought people would not take me seriously and, honestly, that they wouldn’t like me very much. That was the fear that I made up.
And the way that manifested in holding me back was that I tried so hard to be someone I wasn’t. Like when I first started writing my newsletter or trying to share content, it was so stilted and stunted and not me. I just had some fictionary idea. I don’t even know. See? Fictionary is probably not a word and I made it up, and I guarantee you know exactly what I meant. Right? Some fictional idea of who I was supposed to be, of what a businesswoman was supposed to be. And it just didn’t work. It was horrible. And when I finally gave up trying to be something other than who I was, that’s when that fear fell away. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence, that’s when my business really started to take off.
Okay. You said when you finally gave up. What’s the little baby step you took to get that going?
Okay. Being brave enough to be myself. So, Lucas, I’m sure when you’re with friends or family or people that you feel really comfortable with, there’s a way that you just are. Things that come out of your mouth, opinions that you share, a certain way that you dress, emotions that you give yourself permission to express. In my case it was just how you and I are talking right now. Again, I made up the word fictionary. It sounds like a really fun game, like Pictionary.
So the baby step would be when you’re operating in your business, when you’re doing anything in a professional context, to see if you can notice if you’re trying to be someone else – if you’re trying to put on airs that you’re intelligent or smart or centered or powerful or whatever your idea might be about what the quote unquote most perfect Lucas needs to be in this situation. And see if you can relax into the everyday, normal Lucas that sits on your couch, has a meal with your friends. You know, whether you have a drink of beer or you don’t drink anything, it’s just a little bit of Pellegrino. That same Lucas who is amazing and compelling and connective to other humans, that’s the baby step to letting him out all the time. Now, I don’t know if you struggle with that fear the same way that I personally did. I was very, very insecure. But that would be the first baby step to having it melt.
Awesome. I really appreciate this. Do I have a minute to share something with you really quick?
Of course. Go for it, man. It’s all me and you.
Okay, great. Thank you so so much for creating B-School. That really brings clarity to where I’m going. I first heard about B-School a year and a half ago, I didn’t sign up for that, and then this year I signed up for it. And I didn’t follow through in the first eight weeks that I was supposed to, but I think the questions that were asked in the Modules kind of sat in the back of my mind, and now when I’m creating this new vision for myself I think the B-School program, I’m redoing it. I started yesterday, actually, with all the whole thing.
And I just want to thank you.
I just want to thank you because those are hard questions to answer.
And if they just sit on the back of your mind they’re gonna work their magic and you’re gonna be in the place where you want to be in life.
Lucas, thank you so much for what you shared. Thank you for being a B-Schooler. I just want to say how much I admire you. I know that self learning in terms of, you know, having this program there, as you shared, you weren’t able to keep up with it as much as you would have hoped during the live portion. But you paid attention enough to let those questions sit in the back of your consciousness.
And this is what I really admire about you, Lucas. You know what? You went back to them. You said, “Hey, this is something I invested in. This is an opportunity for me to grow.” And you – the fact that you have the discipline and the wisdom and the tenacity to go back and say “I’m gonna answer these questions. I’m going to take to this to the next step.” Man, those are the qualities of a winner. So thank you so much. I admire you, and I hope that you’ll come back through the hallways again in 2018 because, as you know, you have B-School for life. And coming through, even if it’s a little bit here or there. Coming in on a call, paying attention to what’s happening in the Facebook group, I guarantee you it’ll continue to bolster your growth and it’ll help you create that vision that’s in your heart. Thank you so much, Lucas.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
We love you, Lucas.
We love you! Bye!
That is so magic. That’s so magic.
Doing. Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.
You know what’s cool though is a reminder of life happening?
And you kind of jump off track sometimes, but when you know you can get back on it and you buckle down and get on it.
You can like hear he’s like “now I’m ready.”
How many times have we gone through that? I’m like, “Marie, oh my God.”
And it’s like…
You have to trust the timing. And, you know, I’ve certainly done that. I’m a person – I consider myself a lifelong student, a lifelong learner. And there’s times when I’ll invest in something, I’ll pick up a book, I’ll sign myself up for a program, and then life happens and I can’t finish it right then and there. But then you go back to it and you’re like, “Oh, my God. All this gold.” It’s really cool.
Hi! I’m so excited.
It’s Marie Forleo. How the hell are ya?
Thank you for calling. I’m so very excited. Oh, we’re excited to talk to you too. So just so you know, it’s myself and the whole entire MarieTV crew here, and we can’t wait to hang with you for a few minutes and answer your question. And, by the way, I didn’t see the questions in advance. Louise was the one who’s been helping coordinate everything. So if you could tell us your question, I will do my best to answer.
Great. Well, let me collect myself. So I feel like a lot of the research I’ve done online speaks to the beginning of your journey as an entrepreneur, and then a lot of people offer resources and feedback on kind of the fashionable six or seven-figure wins. And I’d really love to hear a lot more about us in-betweeners who have been several years in doing the work and seeing progress, but I don’t really feel like I fit in either category anymore. And it’d be really nice to hear, you know, what’s something you wish you knew when you were in the in-between, or what advice do you have for us in-betweeners.
Absolutely. Carrie, that is such a great question. I agree with you in terms of there not being a lot of resources or content out there for that in-between stage. Right? Someone who’s over the hump of starting, but not yet at a level of growth that perhaps they’re on their way to.
So a couple of things that I wish I had done sooner. This is a current and continuous theme in my life. I don’t know if this will resonate for you, but I have always waited too long to get the help and support that I really need.
So because I’m a very hard worker, because I come from a work ethic where people work their faces off, you know, 24/7. That’s my mom, that’s my dad, that’s my grandparents. It’s very natural for me to want to do everything myself and stretch myself really thin. And looking back now, hindsight’s 20/20, I wish that I would have been a little bit more courageous to hire more people sooner. So that I could free up my kind of mental and creative bandwidth to do some of the things that I wanted to do a little sooner.
Now, I want to kind of broach this with, I’m a human being that doesn’t really do regret. So I’m answering a question to you, you know, looking back objectively. But I don’t feel like I did it wrong. But I don’t know if that resonates at all for you, but I definitely wish I would have taken more risks sooner to bulk up in terms of staff and help, because that would have expedited my growth.
Absolutely. Yeah. I feel that answer for sure.
And the – one of the things that I think I didn’t do, you know, along these same lines. If I were you, I would consistently do stress logs. Do you remember that MarieTV that we did I think like two years ago?
I’m not sure I do.
Okay. That’s okay. We can send it to you, and we’ll actually put it on the bottom third, and we’ll make sure that you can see that. But so essentially a stress log is this really cool tool that you can do anytime, anywhere, and it’s awesome for getting out of your head all of the things that you’re currently doing that stress you out, slow you down, bring you to a level where you’re not operating at your optimum level. And then what starts to happen when you make a stress log and you write down all these stressful things is you give yourself an opportunity to eliminate them.
So whether that means, you know, if it’s domestic stuff like “oh, why am I not getting my groceries delivered?” If it’s not having a cleaning person come, if it’s a dog walker, there’s that whole route. Then in terms of the business, if you notice yourself like, “wow, I’m paying all these invoices. Oh, my goodness. I’m also scheduling things with people that I don’t necessarily need to be scheduling anymore. Oh, I’m sending this mail, I’m doing X, Y, and Z.” All of a sudden you start to see roles emerge that could help you grow exponentially, but it would have perhaps never entered your mind, because as humans we become so habituated to what we do each and every day, and as entrepreneurs we’re taking more and more on our plate that we rarely step back to take a look at what needs to come off of our plate. Does that make sense?
Yeah. So I want you to watch that stress log episode, because I think it’ll really help you. And especially at this stage – you’re beyond the beginner. You have some things going, and it’s about taking that leap of faith. Because one of the things that’s risky when you bring more humans on. Right? Is: are they the right humans? Are they gonna work out? Is that the right culture fit? And I’ll give you one more tip that has really helped us. This has been an expensive mistake that we’ve learned a few times that we have finally learned it enough that I hope we won’t make it any longer.
When it comes to bringing new folks on your team, always find a way to test them. What I mean by that … a lot of folks you kind of have this idea, right, of business it’s like, “Oh, I’m gonna do a job interview and then I’m gonna hire someone and they’re gonna come on my team.” And all of a sudden they’re on the team permanently.
And I like to think of it in terms of relationships and dating and marriage. Like, you wouldn’t just go out on a date with someone and then get married the next night. Right? Nine times out of ten, no way. You would date. You would get to know, like do you actually like this human that you’re with? Are you guys compatible? Do you share values? If so, maybe somewhere down the line you want to put a ring on it. But not necessarily immediately.
So for us, our culture is very important. Our work ethic and how we all jive together. We’re a virtual company, so people have to have the right DNA. They have to have this sense of showing up early, staying late, getting things done, having a sense of humor, being really good communicators. And sometimes folks who we’ve interviewed, they’re amazing humans, they’re really talented, but they don’t check all the boxes that’s gonna work for us long-term, and we haven’t found that out until unfortunately it was too late and too painful. And it’s so challenging. It breaks my heart to ever have to let someone go. Not who I am. Not what I enjoy. But if it’s not right for you, it’s also not right for them. So I would encourage you that whoever your next hires are, find out a way to have a project that’s a paid project. Test them out, see if they like you, if you like them, and then after you understand, “wow, this person is a perfect fit,” then you can put a ring on it.
That sounds great. Thank you so much, Marie. I so appreciate your time and all that you do, and all of Team Forleo.
Oh, thank you. Thank you for letting us call you, thank you for being a B-Schooler, and keep asking questions and let us know how it goes.
Thank you so much.
You got it. Bye, darling.
Is this Nina?
Hi, Nina. It’s Marie Forleo. How you doing?
Oh, my God. I can’t believe you called me!
Yes! You’re on the live MarieTV call in show. You’re here with myself and all of Team Forleo, and we’re really excited to talk with you. Just so you know, I don’t know your question. But if you go ahead and ask it, I will do my best to give you a good answer.
Okay, perfect. So my question is – first of all, thank you so much for calling me. Thank you for even like picking me. I just can’t believe it. And my question basically is, I got laid off in the month of August. Right? And I was really excited when I got laid off, which sounds crazy. Right? But I felt like God was pulling me to this time and it was the right time for me to really just take off on my own business. But then about a month ago my bills started rolling in, I have two kids, and I started to lose faith in myself. And I just accepted an offer on Friday, but accepting that offer just feels so wrong and I’ve been sick since I’ve done it, basically.
So my question is, how can I keep the momentum that I got, you know, while I’ve been at home moving forward even though everything in my body is screaming like “don’t take this offer.” But I feel like I have to be an adult and do what’s right for my kids.
Yeah. Nina, this is a great question. And I’ll tell you, just to make it super clear. I’m not going to tell you what to do. As you know, I would never do that. But I want to help you with some ideas and some frameworks that you might be able to use to help you find your own truth and move ahead in a way that feels good to you.
So a couple things. You know, I think in terms of when you’re a mom and you’ve got two kids. Right? And you have this responsibility towards these other humans and yourself, of course, to take care of them, that’s a big deal. And I just want to commend you for going out there and saying, “you know what? It might be time for me to look for a position. It might be time for me to look for this.”
Here’s one thing I want to make clear, Nina. No matter what you decide as you move ahead, if you decide to keep this job and have some money flow coming in, you are not weak. You are not giving up on your dreams. And, most importantly, you are not sending a sign to the universe that you’re giving up on your long-term vision to … whether it’s start your own business or do something different. I just want to cement that really, really clearly.
I don’t know if you know this about me, Nina, and even though I don’t have two children and I’m not in the same exact position as you, when I started my business, it was seven years. Seven years that I had other jobs and other income coming in while I was building up my business very, very slowly. And I wanted to do that because for me, my value system, having a sense of financial security, even if it just meant enough money to buy some food and to just keep a roof over my head, I needed that personally in order to be able to access the best of me, to coach people, to pour my creativity into my newsletters, to be able to work in a way that I felt like I had integrity and my scarcity about money wasn’t bleeding through to those ventures.
Now, you might have a totally different value system. You may be someone who’s like, “you know what, Marie? I thrive when I am on the edge. You know, I thrive when I’m on the financial edge. When I look back in my life, I can notice a pattern where I’m up against the wall, that’s when I really rise.” Now, if that’s you, and you don’t have to answer that right now, that’s a beautiful thing. And so that uncomfortability you might feel in your body might be telling you, “heck, I’m gonna say no and I’m gonna go and do my own thing.” But I don’t know that’s for sure.
But I will tell you this, that if you decide to stay with this position that you’ve accepted, you 100% have it in your power to reframe it so you don’t show up to work sick every day, so you don’t show up to work and eventually get yourself laid off. There’s a way to train yourself to love what you’re doing and to have it connected to the sense of security that you bring your boys, to the sense of creativity that you bring your other work, so that when the time is right you can transition out of this job and take that next stepping stone to your dreams.
Thank you so much. I mean, I think that’s the main thing. I’m just so scared I’m gonna show up with a chip on my shoulder because I feel this way.
I don’t know if that makes sense.
No, of course it does.
I don’t want to do that.
So I’ll give you a…
Yeah. So here’s the thing, you have it down already. You have one of the most important steps in order to kind of unwire some of that chip on your shoulder, as you call it. Your awareness, Nina, just the fact that you’re aware that that’s some energy that you could bring in is gonna help you not go there.
So if I were you, I would start to make a list. Right? About all of the great things that this job is going to provide for you and your boys. It’s going to give you, and I know this to be true, structure with your time. Because you, and you tell me if this is wrong or not, in my own world sometimes when I have a little too much time on my hands, I’m not as effective as I could be. Does that resonate for you?
She giggles. She giggles. The giggle gave it away.
Yeah, the laugh of recognition. That’s true for all of us humans. Right? If we don’t have enough going on we can find ourselves – and right now i know you can’t see me, but I have my little cell phone like scrolling through the cell phone, scrolling through the social feeds, bouncing around to all these different things and not getting nearly as much done as we could.
One of the gifts of having other work besides my business when I first started out was the incredible gift of that structure. And it helped me focus my time and my energy outside of that on the things that mattered most. So for you: real, quality time with your boys, attention with them. And then a few hours a day, a week, on the weekends, building up that dream. I’m telling you, in my life, Nina, I have been the turtle. I am the slow girl. I know a lot of people look at me, they think I’m the fast one. Oh, she’s done all this stuff real fast. Hell no. I am so slow and methodical over time. You want to know my biggest secret to success?
What is it?
I don’t give the fuck up. Never. You cannot get me to stop. I am a relentless motherfucker. That is the truth. It’s just true. So the reason I’m sharing all this with you, when you walk into that job, if you’re very clear emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually what this opportunity is bringing to you and your boys, you will go in there, you’ll be able to deliver your best for the time that you’re there, and I guarantee you: you’ll go home with more energy to devote to your boys and your dreams, if you’re not resisting and angry all day. Does that make sense?
Absolutely. Thank you. You’ve helped me in my mind reframe this, because that’s what I was struggling with. I’m like, “I need to be grateful. This is a blessing.”
But it’s like I kind of felt a little bit resentful towards myself because I felt like I was giving up. You know?
…like it’s admission of failure.
No. You are the definition of success. To be an adult and to say I have these two boys, I have these dreams, and you know what would serve us right now? Some structure, some money coming in, and their mom being fully alive and fully capable. I guarantee you this, Nina. You have an opportunity right now to have this job stretch you into the woman that you were born to be. A woman who not only takes care of her financial business, takes care of her relational business, takes care of her creative business. You know why? Because this job is gonna challenge you to grow beyond what you’re capable of. I’m telling you, you are gonna astound yourself at what’s possible if you go in training yourself to love what this is and love what it’ll help you achieve.
Yeah. You’ve gotta dust that chip off your shoulder.
Yes. Nina, we’re throwing confetti for you, Nina. We love you.
You got this!
Thank you so much for this question.
Thank you. I love you guys, too!
Giving you high fives and so much love, and thank you for calling in or thank you for letting us call you, I should say.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Bye. I love you guys.
Bye. Good luck!
So, Greg, how do you – how do you think that went?
So what I thought was super, super cool was how there was kind of this flow of like, “oh, my gosh. What am I doing in my business?”
That business, business question, and also that like spiritual part of business. You know, like when you and I get to hang out and I’m fluffing your coif. Hair. Fluffing your hair, Marie.
You know, I ask similar questions and it’s just good to know that other people are like, “okay, shoot. What do I do with my business, and this?” But then also that piece of like, “oh, my God. I took this job and something just doesn’t feel right, but how can I appreciate that?” Like, I love Nina’s question. It was genius. Brilliant.
Yeah. It’s so moving. And I think all of us, you know, we come across these obstacles in our life and these bumps, and sometimes you need a bit of outside perspective to just help you reframe something or look at it from a new perspective so you can dive in and feel great about it and bring your A-game. And none of us can do this on their own. Like, you know as much as I – I talk to you, I talk to all of the people on my team, I talk to Josh, I talk to my friends. You know, it’s why we have each other. You’ve gotta stay connected and got to have other people to bounce things off of.
So thank you.
Thank you, Marie.
Thank you for being here with me.
Love you long time.
All you guys out there, I declare our first MarieTV Live call in session a big, old win. Hashtag winning. Right? See? That’s how we roll. So thank you for watching. We’re gonna do another one of these again. Be sure that you are subscribed to our email list and you open the damn things, because when we are gonna do another one of these, that’s how it will let you know. So thank you so much. Have a beautiful afternoon, evening, morning, whenever you’re watching this and I’ll catch you next time on the next episode of MarieTV.
B-School is coming up. Want in? For more info and free training go to JoinBSchool.com.
I do like having a motto right … hold on
Flipflops, you can moonwalk in flipflops?
Should we get something zhooshed?
We need a zhooshing. Something’s not right.
Did someone say zhooshing?