Marie Forleo introduction

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I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Ever been in the middle of a fight with a loved one and felt crushed by the realization that you’ve had this exact fight *100* times before? Cue David Byrne. “Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.”

We’ve all been there. In fact, Josh and I were caught in this loop in a bad way a few years back. These days, it’s a different story. Dust ups rarely last more than a few minutes.

Not kidding, what today’s guests taught me has been nothing short of a miracle.

It’s all thanks to marriage experts Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. and Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. They’re authors of many books, including the timeless bestseller, “Getting the Love You Want”.

Being able to talk to another human being without pissing them off; connecting so that you feel safe with that person and they feel safe with you. That’s the desire of the human heart. @HarvilleHelen Click To Tweet

I wouldn’t have the partnership I have today without them. They have a gift for helping couples build the relationship of their dreams by fostering mutual respect and communication. Besides helping individual couples, they also teach families, teams and organizations.

Because negative relationships don’t just damage our own health and productivity, they have a huge long-term impact on society.

  • You’re 100% more at risk from cardiac arrest if you’re in a negative relationship.
  • People in broken marriages are 60% less productive.
  • The breakdown of families is one of the contributing factors to at least nine major social issues — everything from substance addiction to violence and crime.

In today’s MarieTV episode, you’ll hear the story of how helping marriages in their local community boosted the entire Dallas ecosystem. Plus, you’ll discover a communication technique so good, couples around the world swear it works like magic.

If you have any relationship in your life that needs improving — their work is the best I’ve come across.

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, we’d love to hear from you.

Which part of our conversation resonated most with you and why? What can you do to turn that insight into action right now?

Leave a comment below and let us know. Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and motivation, and your story may help someone else have a breakthrough.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be removed.

Thank you so very much for being here and for adding your perspective. Please share this post with your friends, parents, children, coworkers and colleagues.

Because as Helen so wisely put it, “The most important task we’re given as human beings is trying to learn to love someone.”

XO

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177 comments

  1. Hi Marie,
    Thank your for sharing Harville & Helen’s work on your blog, it’s made a huge difference in my life and marriage. Plus, I’m always so delighted by your take on things, your authenticity, down-to-earth style, and sense of humor.
    You ROCK!

    • Meika - Team Forleo

      Alicia,
      We love that you’ve had the opportunity to benefit from Helen and Harville’s work. It’s truly life changing! Thank you so much for your kind words. We appreciate you tuning in and being an active part of our community.

  2. “We all want to feel safe and loved. We all long for our partner to be curious about us.”
    Thank you so much for this wonderful episode Marie; so much of it resonated with me.
    I’ve been with my partner for 25 years and I’m on a mission to help create better relationships. To hear Helen and Harville talk so honestly about what actually happens in their relationship and how they lovingly and safely resolve their issues is profound and very helpful.
    The most fundamental finding from positive psychology is that strong personal relationships have the greatest impact on your satisfaction with life.
    Here’s to couples riding that donkey together.

  3. Omg!! I’ve been searching and searching for this information. I said need help!! The universe heard it and you sent it to me!! Love you!! What I’ve learned is that need my husband and I need to go to their workshop and peel a lot of layers in our own relationship.

  4. Monica Templin

    I am crying here at my desk. You have no idea how badly I needed to see this. Once again, the universe used you to show me something I needed right at the perfect moment. I have so much love and gratitude for Marie and Team Forleo. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

    • Meika - Team Forleo

      Oh Monica,
      We love your heart and are honored that we could be the vehicle for you to receive the information you needed at just the right time. Thank you for being present with us!

  5. Nic

    This talk reminded me of Brene Brown’s new book and how she was saying ‘be curious’. Be curious about people, ask them for more, be a learner. 95% of the problem is looking at the problem and only 5% is solving it.

    • That’s a great takeaway from this! It reminds me of something I’ve felt but haven’t put into words. Thanks!

  6. Stacey

    Love you too Marie💜 love these two cuties so much!! Thank you 🙏🏼 ! Forwarding to a friend now ;).

    • Naveed Ahmad

      Love you too Marie💜 love these two cuties so much!! Thank you 🙏🏼 ! Forwarding to a friend now

  7. Elaine Dolan

    Oh Thank You Marie….. Hunt and Hendrix are relationally functional. What a find!
    Understanding Love *Styles*, Rosenburg’s Non-Violent Communication, and I forget who it was that figured out you need to *make an appointment*….were but steppingstones to this Imago Dialogue technique. Best parts???? Curiosity, Validation…and these are the ONLY way you land on empathy and intimacy.
    And this has been translated and gone like wildfire to 175 countries? Makes for happy tears and hope for this camper.

    • Meika - Team Forleo

      You’re so right Elaine – everything is a stepping stone and a building block to something greater. We’re hopeful that Helen and Harville’s mission will continue to inspire the rekindling of beautiful relationships everywhere. We’re thrilled that this dialogue was a source of hope and inspiration for you personally. Thank you for tuning in!

  8. Joseph

    ❤️️ Wow… The ecstasy of effective communication is overwhelmingly wonderful! ❤️️

  9. Danielle

    Good information! As a person currently going through a divorce; I’m always left feeling “what about us?” We matter too. My marriage is over, there’s no turning back, but I look forward to a relationship that possesses the values of the Imago system.

    Please consider a conversation with an expert from those who are divorced perspective. Keep doing great work!

    • Meika - Team Forleo

      Hi Danielle,
      Thank you for sharing your perspective. You’re right – there is often not enough support for that point of view. I would like to share that both Harville and Helen were married and divorced before they married each other. Also, they were on the brink of divorce in their current marriage. They bring a beautiful perspective from both sides of the coin. We so appreciate you tuning in!

  10. Michele Pritchard

    Thank you for sharing Marie. This came at the most amazing time for me. You have inspired me for 5+ years and continue to do so. Happy to have your platform in my life. ❤️❤️❤️

  11. Guylaine Gervais

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Thank you so much for sharing. I feel/have felt for a while that relationships should be taught in schools and now research is beginning to support it. I want to go to their workshop!! Marie, would you have Jayson Gaddis on your show? He’s the founder of the Relationship school and is starting to teach “how to do relationships” in high schools. You will love him!!
    Xox

  12. Adriane

    Hi !
    Thank you so much for sharing this. I really enjoyed listening and learned a lot. Right now my husband and I are separated. We have a 4 year old daughter. I am staying at my moms out of town. Things were absuive in our relationship ( emotionally, verbally , and threats) I’ve been getting regular help from my therapist and really healing myself. My husband has just come to me and asked what can he do to make this work. Its been 5 months since wd seperated so I told him I really want him to work on himself and heal his demons and then we could possibly start fresh again. He wasn’t so into that and thinks we dont need help. I just have no idea what to do any more and I really miss us , but I know how toxic we were together. Any suggestions ?!
    Thank you xo
    Adriane

    • Meika - Team Forleo

      Hi Adriane,
      We’re so sorry to hear that you and your partner have had to separate. Relationships aren’t easy and following your intuition is always best. We can feel that you miss your family and also know that you are being incredibly brave to do what’s safe for yourself and your daughter. It sounds like you have a great support system between your therapist and your mom. We’d suggest continuing to seek out help from professionals and those closest to you to help you navigate the next steps. We’re keeping you in our thoughts and sending you so much Team Forleo love.

      • Sharon_Smokey_Gray@Yahoo.com

        Until he is ready to address his issues…that he is taking out on you…he will just keep repeating them. That’s just the way it is…have him write out everything and send it to you and perhaps you can begin seeing clearly what is really going on. But…no stale-mate! However, staying apart could show you who he really is and vice-versa.

    • ah

      you’re partner may have
      felt you weren’t curious and felt invalidated , to use the speakers language? can you get couples counselling together, im working
      in my own relationship my partner won’t join my therapy yet either but I’m trying to let him see it’s our communication style that needs to be adjusted, he is expecting me to take all
      the responsibility for the relationship which isn’t fair either and feels quite lonely. hope you can find a way to have peace with eachother ❤️

  13. Kat

    Thank you so much for sharing! It is so real and this came at the right time. Having the big talk today. Wish me luck. 🙂

  14. Connie

    Relationships, relationships, relationships….it’s the secret everyone in healthly living is talking about. BUT this is the first time a simple and valuable tool was expressed. Thank you Marie, and thank you Helen and Harville. This video was fantastic. I will use it today.

  15. Anne

    Just beautiful. Thank you for this. I will share it as much as I can.

  16. Saw the Safe Conversations stream here in the UK a few months back: amazing.
    Curiosity is a superpower, and I think it’s such a shock to us we don’t know innately how to do these things -> and the work I do is similar: people assume they SHOULD KNOW themselves.
    They feel their life direction, their true purpose, that life mission should come easy, shouldn’t be second-guessed, can’t be “learned” and yet, we’re not taught the skills in school and we don’t know how to connect with that inner fire.
    So inspired you’re tackling the culture with relationships as I am with resilience and redefining the meaning of our purpose <3

  17. I’ve been following “safe conversations” and I’m on their email list. I’ve been wanting to know more, and this interview seals the deal for me. I can’t wait to add “Safe Conversations” facilitator to my repertoire!

    Thank you Marie, Helen and Harv!
    *Ann Ball

  18. Thank you. I 100% needed to hear this. I have seen Harville Hendrix talk before. Somehow, today, this talk resonated and I am so thankful. Hearing that Helen and Harville have struggled was most important for me in changing how I received this information. It really validated that you absolutely have to practice these principles (steps) in order to change your relationship for the long term. No short cuts.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad this episode really resonated with you, Rhea. It really is game changing to hear that even the experts in their fields have struggles and need to practice – it’s so grounding!

  19. At first, I was very resistant to watching an hour episode, but I’m so glad I did. I have goosebumps. My biggest takeaway is that negativity squirts cortisol into the system and it’s impossible to connect. I’m going to try a zero negativity experiment. Thank you!!

  20. I love the Imago process. I find it very effective at being heard. That being said, the continued consistent practice of the tools difficult…

  21. Marie Horvath

    Hello Marie, you are so beautiful in all the ways in this episode, loved your energy, gentleness, feminity, showing your whole heart!!!!
    Thank you for sharing YOU with US.

    LOVE YOU!
    Another Marie

  22. Debbie

    Hey Marie & team I’ve been a fan for ages but this is the first time I’ve felt moved to comment. This is Exactly what I needed today. SO inspiring!!!!! I Love their societal vision & would love to get involved & at the same time my partner & I have been having Real challenges recently & this video is just SO helpful & has given me such Hope that there’s a way through & out.
    Best bits??? The shift from judgement to Curiosity & Wonder. How fantastic is that?? AND their beautiful humble honesty that it was years before they mastered this themself even though they’d written the book!! Thank you SO much for popping this in my inbox today. Thank you for all you do & the fantastic quality of it all.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Debbie, it means the world to hear that this episode was exactly what you needed to hear, and we’re honored you were inspired to comment today. I hope that the tips shared here help inspire some beautiful shifts with you and your partner, and we’re sending so much love your way!

  23. Sally

    This talk definitely had wonderful techniques to work with and I can see how it would help any relationship. I just felt bad that right near the end, (bad timing) an unfortunate insult slipped out by one of them. IF I were a truck driver I would have taken umbrage at the, “We wanted to make a book for , you know, the truck driver” …. I know what they were getting at but it was an unfortunate way to have said it. Sounded condescending and I’d like to think they did not mean it that way.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Sally, thank you so much for watching and taking the time to comment. I absolutely agree they didn’t intend for it to sound condescending.

      My take on it when I was watching is that their greatest hope is for their work to be simplified for people who aren’t marriage experts like themselves, and used a truck driver as an example – not to suggest that truck drivers aren’t intelligent or capable of course. We appreciate you bringing it to our attention!

      • Sally

        Thanks for the reply Caroline. I will go with that. It just made me wonder as she had made a point earlier of mentioning that she was from high society… and then the trucker comment… well, you see where i went with it. My soon to be son in law is a truck driver and he is brilliant! So I think it hit a nerve when it was commented on in a way that , to me , sounded , well, you know.. I will trust that all is well.

      • Sally

        Arhggg.. sorry to bother you one more time, but this is bugging me, so I want to share a bit more. . Ok, I agree how you saw it, that she meant ” simplify “.. So would that have not been a much better way to say it. Like, “we need to make a book and put it in laymans terms”. That way one is not singling out any group, as if that group represents the simpler folk. What on earth would people have felt is she chose to say, “make it for stay at home moms” !!! EEK.
        Any singling out seems uncomfortable to me and there certainly was another way to put it. Yet I agree they most likely did not mean it that way, but as they say, words make a difference and to me it surely makes a difference. Thanks for listening and don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy their talk!

  24. Jeff Tarnue

    Hi Marie,

    Just listening to Harvard and Helen wants me to ask a question as to, why in a relationship, one half is not communicating? I really think that communication in relationship is very important. Before my fiance and I decided to move together, there was a lack of communication between us. That is, whenever I wanted to chat with her, she’s always not available, most especially now that we live in a world of instant communication with mobile phones and the likes. I told her once that we might lose out on each other because, whenever I wanted to talk to her, her phone was either out of coverage area, or, it ran out of battery. We worked it out at a time I had a trip out of town and when I wasn’t getting her, I went without her knowing about it. She then realized and from that time on, we’re good. I’m a communication speciallist and so, I take it very important in my relationship. Thanks.

    Jeff

  25. Donald Theiss

    Learning to accept one another and listen to one another seems to be the key.

    A huge aspect of this is teaching us that we are already okay as we are, ie. self acceptance. When we come to our relationships with a sense of okayness we relate with an energy of positivity.
    Our culture is steeped in “Im right, youre wrong” perception, rather than “we are perfect and unique”. We are here to be who and how we already are and share our gifts with one another.
    I notice you say this to your audience in every video so that is an important point to make to everyone.
    We are trained from birth to think there is something wrong with us and changing this thinking is essential to changing our perception and therefor our energy and our behavior. Everything we do comes from our perception of our self and therefor our relationship to our world.

    “We are perfect exactly the way we are and so is everyone else, however, we have been trained to believe otherwise” from Being Human in a World of Illusion

    Relating to young children as if they are already perfect is key and from that how to communicate who they are and what they are experiencing is essential in bringing this into our lives and our culture.

    Thanks for the work you are doing to educate our world.

    Donald Theiss

  26. Carol

    What an amazing journey they have had. And the discoveries. What strikes me the strongest is the rippling effect that can start with two people. Bless them for their work.
    My husband and I have tried practicing step 1. Didn’t ever really get or know about steps 2 and 3. Need to work that in.
    Thanks to both this couple and to Marie for bringing them to our attention.

  27. I love how their authenticity about their own imperfect journey makes their professional findings even more credible! Such an incredible takeaway for those in a relationship, as well as those in business!

  28. April

    Thank you for this amazing episode. I’d love to try and share those magic steps.😊

  29. Peter Christiansen

    Good day Beloved Marie! I hope everything is well with you!
    A hearty thank you to you for sharing the experiences of Mr. & Mrs Harville & Helen about RELATIONSHIPS. However, while I’m writing this comment, I humble myself.
    Although I’m never married, but I have read so many books on relationships, listened to diverse married couples’ stories, and so on.
    Firs of all, nobody is perfect. We all do have strengths and flaws. Unfortunately, however, most individuals are not aware of theirs flaws or they don’t know themselves.
    Therefore, based on our imperfection, there are always conflicts. In a positive way, conflicts help people to grow through a loving solving solution.
    Keep in mind, “LOVE” is NOT a “FALL”, but a “PRINCIPLE”.
    As a little boy growing up, I would have loved to have a traditional family or to find the wife I dreamed of. I may confess that I had an eighteenth century style, meaning, I would prefer writing to a girl rather than talking to her face to face. Nowadays, emailing or texting. aOn top of that, I grew up without my earthly father. And my mother was a very strict woman. Until she passed away three years ago, she never said: “Peter I love you” and “Happy Birthday to me”. However, she expressed these golden words through her action/care.
    A happy or a successful marriage is a SMILE from heaven, but not without issues or problems. It happens often that someone may “LIKE you, but not LOVE you”.
    It’s generally recognized that “LOVE” is one of the universal languages, but “CULTURAL DIFFERENCES OR SOCIETIES” can kill or destroy a “LOVING RELATIONSHIP”.
    Elements that can make a marriage work and last successfully:
    1) GENUINE LOVE
    2) COMMUNICATION/ACTIVE LISTENING
    3) MATURITY
    4) PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
    5) HIGH INTEREST IN YOU
    6) MUTUAL RESPECT
    7) LOYALTY
    8) SHARING YOUR GOALS & VALUES
    9) FINANCIAL STABILITY
    10) ATTENTION
    11) AFFECTION
    12) APPRECIATION
    Any relationship is a hard work. There is always room for improvement.
    Don’t forget that most divorces caused by friends and in-laws. That’s why partners must a high degree of maturity so that they may be able to think for themselves without the involving of outsiders when problems come.
    I’m so glad to admit that today, Peter is a “NEW MAN”.
    Have a lovely and pleasant day!
    With much love,
    Peter

  30. It reminds me a bit of Marhal B. Rosenbergs Nonviolent Communication. They created a special form for couples and they are really sympathetic & good. Thank you for publishing and letting us knwo about their work! Greatings from Switzerland! Christl

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Yes, Christl! I thought the same thing 🙂 – we’re big fans of Nonviolent Communication over here on our team, and Harville & Helen’s work has some wonderful similarities. Both techniques would work so well together. Thank you so much for watching!

  31. Ingrid

    It´s the most inspiring Marie TV interview I´ve seen so far. It reminds me of what we all need much more of “Someone who is interested in me, listens and SEES me” and what we all can be for/ to anyone else “Someone who really cares about who you are, listens and SEES you”.

    Especially as child it is soooo important to feel that and I believe it can have a impact on your whole life if you didn´t get it. For several reasons I didn´t really get that feeling of being SEEN when I was a child. Its a huge handicap, that has blocked me for years.

    Actually Marie was the one, who gave me the feeling of being SEEN and understood! Its crazy and in a way actually sad, but it is true! A feeling I want to give people through my work (or to anybody who I know…) . But as a web and graphic designer I feel in the wrong place to do that – which makes me feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. But we can not all be coaches I guess 😉 So maybe I’ll find a way to combine my passion of motivating and SEE people with my web and design business.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Beautiful, Ingrid! I love the idea of “seeing” people with web and design. We absolutely believe that increasing connection in this digital world is not only possible, but so important. ♥

  32. Allison

    This is very helpful and needed. I love their work and used it in my practice for years. However I wish that they and so many other professionals would make it crystal clear that there is a difference in normal marital conflict and domestic abuse/intimate partner violence. While these principles of listening work beautifully with “normal” marriages, it can leave an abused spouse in a vulnerable and dangerous position. For instance, a wife married to a husband who abuses her should not go to marriage counseling with him to learn how to be a better listener. The abuser is not going to respond in a healthy way to the imago structure because he is operating from a different agenda (one of power and control, not equality). I had to comment as I am a domestic abuse survivor and a professional who has worked with women in abusive relationships and this is a critical distinction that we often fail to make. Again, though, I highly respect Helen and Harville and the good work they do! Thank you!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and expertise here, Allison. The points you’re making are so important, and could make a huge difference to someone stopping by here to read the comments. We’re honored to have you tuning in with us!

  33. Lee Laurais

    I had no idea you were aware of Harville and Helen. I discovered them going on thirty years ago. They’re amazing!

  34. Thank you for this, Marie! I’ve been following you for a while, and you inspired me to write a book and start my own business as a dating and relationship blogger (I studied relationship psychology). I really enjoy Helen and Harville’s approach to creating safe and healthy communication in relationships, and after watching this video I have decided to save up to do their Imago training to become a coach 😊 My dream is to teach this in schools, and use my blog to help create a culture where healthy relationships are the norm, not the exception.
    Much love to you, Marie 💜

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Amazing, Rozanne! ♥

  35. Tina Huston

    Okay, more government controls to force people to take classes before being allowed to get married? I don’t think so. And it’s their curriculum. I don’t think so. They are into taking more freedoms away. If their method is so effective, then it would spread like gangbusters without forcing people.

  36. Chantale Carriere

    Hi Marie,
    Wow…that was amazing! I had never heard of them before.
    I had tears of joy in my eyes by the end of the interview! I am so grateful that people like them exist on this planet (and like yourself).
    Thank you so much for introducing them. I have already ordered their book and downloaded their 3 free books.
    Thanks again.
    Chantale Carriere

  37. LJ

    I don’t think this could have been broadcast at a better time and I soaked in every single word that was said (and sent the link to my husband and said this is something we should look into). What resonated well for me is the notion of needing predictability in order to feel safe in a relationship. I feel like this transcends just personal, romantic relationship, into all aspects of life… setting expectations.

    They helped give us some new tools to try out – in order to be active listeners vs. just speaking at one another. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for introducing them to all of us.

    xoxo

  38. Amina Alami

    That’s an eye-opening conversation and oh so inspiring! Thank you Marie for always sharing the best of the best.”If you improve talking without judgement so that you can connect, you actually help satisfy the deepest yearning of the human heart.”
    What Harville & Helen shared is so profound and genuine, they just have the skill, the personal experience and the knowing of how marriage can work. Kudos!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Amina! We’re thrilled that Harville & Helen’s inspiring message resonated so deeply with you. We love the takeaway you shared and so appreciate you tuning in today!

  39. Patricia

    Wow Marie! I feel like two very separate parts of my life collided in this video and brought so much insight! I have watched and loved Marie TV for a few years now and am always inspired by your thoughts and amazing guests. AND I have been aware of the Imago community for over a decade. My dad and his partner are involved in the Imago community. She is a therapist and they are both part of the Imago Relationships International Peace Project. I even had a chance to do the Generations Dialogue Workshop with my Dad which was developed by Imago therapists and uses the techniques Harville and Helen were talking about in this video to help parents and their adult children create better relationships.
    My husband and I have NEVER used this though – We have watched my family members use it (and it does really seem to work for them) but we always felt (in possibly a slightly smug way) that we have a good relationship and we don’t really need those kind of “training wheels” to have a conversation. But my big AHA today was that in a lot of ways we just play it safe, say what we think the other wants to hear and are not actually exploring or digging deeper. Perhaps our relationship with each other, and even with ourselves, could be even better if we allowed that sense of curiosity in.
    It was also really powerful to hear you and Harville and Helen be so honest about your relationships – I found myself tearing up at times and laughing out loud at others. Thanks again for all you do, and for bringing the work of amazing people like this to a wider audience

  40. Michele Demetriou

    Harville and Helen’s work is life-changing. And to think that so much goodness in the world can come from talking and listening without judgement. Wow!

  41. Kim

    Oh, how I love them and this process – wish I’d used it more in my first marriage!! Will do in second… 😉 Thanks, Marie!

  42. Live Gateretse

    Hi,
    I just wanted to say that I am in awe of this couple and what they are trying to achieve in their lifetime. I am personally going through a separation and this was kind of timely in my life, I have actually never watched your channel or most times even opened the email but it’s incredible how the universe always conspire to make you see things when you need them in your life. I am so grateful of the work that you do Marie and I am now going to binge watch all of your videos and I am also an avid reader so I will also go and get Harville and Helen’s books. So thank you so much Marie!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Hi there! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing how today’s episode landed for you. We’re so sorry to hear you’re in the midst of a separation though we’re grateful Harville & Helen’s message provided an extra bit of encouragement at the perfect moment. The beautiful thing is that the communication techniques covered can be applied to any relationship, and we hope they help spark some inspiring conversations for you. We hope you enjoy reading their books and browsing our MarieTV archives. We’re sending along our very best wishes for peace, love, and abundance in all areas of your life in the chapter ahead!

  43. Leslie

    Hello Marie, Thank you for having this couple on your show. I’m going to ask my husband to watch this. Hopefully, I’ll be able to converse with him “without pissing him off.” I think my son’s behavior is being affected by the negativity in our household and I truly want to work on making it better. These two therapists are amazing. I have hope.

  44. Hi Marie!
    Thank you soo much for sharing. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it with the right tone is my No No! I love the make an appointment part/ what it’s about because I think that would help to have that conversation when the time is right for both parties. Again thank you, I took notes & look forward to having a peaceful safe zone with my husband. 💜💜💜💜

  45. Thank you Marie,
    As ALWAYS, so timely. What I loved the most, was that the conversation allows us/our partner to be heard, which is what really resolves the situation. I had heard Harville and Helen before, yet I wasn’t ready to hear them. This time, OH MY!!!

  46. Thank you Marie! and Thank you Helen and Harville! I had goose bumps the entire episode and just knew I wanted to learn more so I signed up for a couples workshop in Jan 2019!!! Cannot wait to learn the skills so I can not only strengthen my relationship but also be the best role model possible to our son! AMAZING interview!!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Wonderful, Laura! We’re thrilled Harville & Helen’s work resonates so deeply with you and that you’re looking forward to their workshop next year– we imagine it will be an enlightening and inspiring event for everyone in attendance. By investing in yourself and your relationships, you’re already setting a beautiful example for your son to look up to, and we’re so grateful you’re in our world!

  47. Amanda Laban

    We are rewarded for talking but not for listening–so true! I am in graduate school and I keep hearing people say, “you are only as smart as you can communicate”. Yet, my skill has been listening, not talking throughout much of my life. I turn 40 tomorrow and I have been trying desperately (it feels!) to be a better communicator, to share my wisdom so that I can be more successful. Yet, what I take away from this is that I can go back to my years of listening. By listening and not talking I can open back up that space between myself and others. My 9 year old son and I struggle with communication all the time. Last night after getting frustrated, I didn’t respond to him for awhile. I stayed quiet. All my words had fled. He started talking openly and honestly about his fears. It was beautiful. This morning it was as if a weight had been lifted from him. He listened to me and didn’t fight back, he seemed lighter, happier. Watching this today, hits this experience home. I can be quiet to allow others to be heard, and I can talk when I need to be heard. My talking doesn’t need to fix anything, but my listening can. Thank you for bringing a diversity of folks to your show. Keep going!

  48. Von

    Oh my gosh! What a wonderful couple! I’ve been praying and hoping that I can contribute to society on a major level with my business partner and also my spouse. I think I needed to see this video to know that ideas might start small, but they can grow with love and nurturing. Both Harville and Helen are inspiring me on so many levels and I think just listening without judging is something that I’m always practicing after going through life coaching school. Life is a journey and we are always learning and re-learning things in a new way. Thank you for sharing and helping us reframe our mindset. Now I’m off to share this with my partner. 🙂

  49. Juliette

    The most striking thing I got from this talk was the idea that this could really help us make the turnaround before it is too late.

  50. I live in Colombia, a country that has been plagued by war since its very beginning. We are currently going through a peace process with our biggest illegally armed group (which was the biggest and oldest in the world behind isis) and although since the peace pact was signed in 2016, the number of deaths and well being of our population has changed, we are still facing deep relational issues within our communities. I have always thought that the way to begin to restore our country is by starting with shifting the way we love and treat each other, primarily within the home. This has become my life’s purpose and I am currently starting to work on creating content that helps get this idea across and helps us all change; myself included. I say all this because as I listened to this interview something inside me clicked. I feel like it’s something like these workshops that we need here and I would love to help bring the experience of the low-income community in Dallas to my country. I am not sure if you guys read these comments but if somebody does I would like to know if there is any way that you guys could help me get in contact with Helen and Harville. I truly believe it could make a difference. I really hope somebody from the MF team reads this.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Hi Nataly! Thanks so much for stopping by today. We’re so grateful Harville & Helen’s message resonated so deeply with you and sparked some new ideas for how this important work could impact your own community. While we aren’t able to arrange meetings directly, you can read more about Harville & Helen’s work and contact their team via their website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ We’re so grateful to have you in our vibrant, global community!

  51. Thank you so much for interviewing and sharing the work of Harville & Helen’s. Wow. I also have to say I’m very happy Helen confessed they found the essence of their big marital issue in an astrology book! As a professional astrologer, it is gratifying to hear psychologists or therapists admit the profound (and quick!) usefulness of astrology. However, I will say this – astrology is excellent at pinpointing the issue or problem, which can bring great relief to the client, BUT, it is not always so good at finding the practical, do-able solution. Harville & Helen’s work can be the solution to many issues (however one discovers them).
    I am very grateful you have shared their wonderful work here. It is something that any counselor, regardless of the tools they use (esoteric or other), can and should learn to incorporate into their work to help not just the individual, but, yes, the world as a whole. Thank you, Marie!

  52. Eve

    I agree deeply with them that this is cultural thing, and this is why it so hard to change. feels so unnatural. For thousands of years, men and women have been culturally conditioned to mistrust and fight each other. I love how you do not need to understand the history of this, just practice this simple way of communicating to diffuse defensiveness in both people. I want to start practicing this in my own life.

  53. Cat

    I’ve have a very different perspective on the methods of Harville and Helen. My father was manipulated and abused by his wife who used Imago as a tool to control and undermine him. The mirroring of the other partners statements and the ‘silence’ was used as a form of gas lighting and domination. It also completely irradiated his ability to trust his own thoughts, feelings and what he knew to be true in the name of ‘learning to love someone else’. She is a very manipulative person but was able to become an Imago educator ‘spreading the word of Imago’. He died without any of his family by his side as she wouldn’t allow us to see him or meet his new and only grandson. He became her puppet brainwashed into agreeing with everything she did or said, otherwise, he didn’t truly love her.

    I appreciate those who have found it helpful and good on them but I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.

    • Meika - Team Forleo

      Cat,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story. We’re sorry to hear about your family’s loss and can imagine how devastating that scenario must have been for you. It’s unfortunate that we can find many examples in our world where tools that were created to help us prosper have been misused to hurt others. We do hope that the intent of the Imago communication tool gives you hope that its proper use can unite families instead of breaking them apart. Thanks for tuning in!

  54. Danielle Cameron

    Omg .. this has made me so emotional watching this .. I feel so disappointed in myself that it’s just that easy to solve the mysteries of relationships with each other . I’ve always been great at doing this with others , but not so great in my own marriage. This is truly wonderous work .. thank you for sharing this ❤️

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh, Danielle! Please don’t feel disappointed in yourself––sometimes society makes us feel like relationships are just something we’re supposed to be born knowing how to do, but as Helen and Harville show, they’re actually really hard work. No one is born knowing this stuff and we sincerely hope the wisdom shared will inspire and encourage you and your partner on your journey together. We’re sending lots of love your way.

  55. Tristan Earls

    Hi everyone!

    The biggest insight for me today was that I can truly be negative in so many ways. When Helen spoke to all the things she thought she would help Harville with in the beginning of their relationship, the drive she had to do those things, and the impact those things had on him & their relationship specifically brought a much needed perspective. It is so easy to tell ourselves we’re being positive & doing the right things because we just want to help! – but is it really helping our partner? I need to spend a lot more time there & make progress towards keeping this shifted perspective.

    I’ve already taken action by sharing this with my love, and I have oodles of notes and the dedication to start putting these things into practice!

    My partner & I have recently taken a huge step in our relationship & decided to move in together, and our communication is proving the most difficult thing we have to work on. I really needed this today after a lot of spinning wheels and heartache. Thank you for sharing. <3

    -Tristan

  56. This was one of my favourite episodes!! Thank you for sharing. I was twice divorced by the time I was 41. My parents have been happily married for 46 years yet I have never been taught how to do relationships. I was determined not only to get a handle on this but to share what I learned. I know first hand that Imago therapy is powerful and fast. I have loved this approach so much that I have created an online course with an Australian based Imago therapist called Reignite Your Relationship. We need to learn and practice this everyday and teach our kids. Powerful stuff. Thank you.
    ♥️

    • Natasha

      You’re in Oz? Can I get your details please? I love stuff like this but I am in desperate need of help and I’m not sure how I can get this program when they’re in the USA.

  57. Natasha

    I love the way Harvel gave the movie theatre analogy. That made so much sense to me. I also loved the way it’s going to communities. The training of that is what sparked something in me. I desperately need help with my marriage as I’m not sure how much longer we can both continue but I know I want to fix mine and then help others do that as well.
    Can I just get clarification on the three steps?
    1. Ask to talk about …….
    2. Clarify what you’re hearing?
    3. ???
    I wasn’t entirely sure on the third step hence the desire to clarify.
    Sorry I’m a little all over the place. I’m just hoping this is what I need to help me with my marriage.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Happy to help! I found an article that lays out the dialogue. http://imagoworks.com/the-imago-dialogue/steps/ We really hope it helps and we’re sending so much love your and your partner’s way as you’re working together on this.

  58. To be honest, I don’t always open newsletters… but today I got your newsletter with this video in and for real – it’s like it was meant to be. I am having some bumpy times in my relationship right now, and this video is so compelling. I think I’ll be ordering the book. Thank you so much for putting this out there!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re so welcome, Chelsea! We’re really glad this episode came at just the right time and we hope Helen and Harville’s wisdom is helpful.

  59. Well I have to say this interview was one of the best that Marie has ever done. I was blown away by what they are trying to do with the awareness that everything is relational and they are wanting to take this understanding of nature and make it global. It is in essence, a paradigm shift from the cultural worldview of separation to the relational worldview that is nature as everything is interconnected and interdependent. This is the nature of life and the cosmos which we dont see due to the cultural worldview of a separate “I” that exists independently from other human beings, nature, the environment, web of life and the cosmos. Nothing in life exists in separation. Their method/structure is so simple when it is broken down, it is clear, precise and profound for the transformation that can happen when human beings relate in this way. What a gift they are offering to the world! Thank you Marie for this incredible interview!

  60. Jessica Pasfield

    Wow thank you! This is exactly what I needed to listen to and hear right now. My partner and I have been going round and round in circles at each other over the same thing for months and this is exactly what we need to be doing. I love these two they are the best and show us that everyone goes through this and needs to work on listening and communicating better. I will be forwarding this to my sisters and friends 🙂 Thank you again Marie and your team for delivering and amazing learning experiences xx

  61. Nika

    Thank you so much! Amazing!

  62. Hi Marie,

    Always enjoy your interviews, and this one in particular. We have been holding “Getting The Love You Want” workshops in NYC for the last 5 years and owe so much to the work of Harville & Helen. We too would not be where we are had it not been for bringing the Imago Dialogue into our lives. Wonder and curiosity now are our relationship foundation. We are always humbled by the transformation of a couple that can become vulnerable and learn to hold space for each other over the course of a weekend. Thank you for sharing this video and all that you do to share your path.

    Much love and respect,
    Christine Petrik & David Green

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      And thank you so much for holding these powerful workshops and helping couples in NYC! We appreciate you sharing this wisdom and strengthening relationships.

  63. Wow! This was really good. Thank you for interviewing this couple. I want to go through this training!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We can’t recommend it highly enough. And a number of people on our team did Safe Conversations workshop online awhile back too and found it to be a game-changer as well.

  64. Rachelle

    Hi Marie,
    This has given me so much food for thought. I’ve seen how poor connection skills and missed communication in a relationship can create a sometimes insurmountable distance between two partners and leave both parties feeling isolated and desperate. Helen and Harville’s work is a light in the dark and I’m so grateful you had them on your show and shared this episode with us.

  65. The comment that by nurturing and working on the “us” what results is the healing of each partner respectively, is profound. This is something I have belived for a long time and hearing Helen say that was like a huge BINGO!
    There is so much that I learn and get confirmed from watching Marie’s interviews.
    Yeah it’s about changing the world one person, one day at a time each in our own unique way.
    Love and kindness

  66. Loved this so much and love the way they are saving the world (as well as you do). Thank you so so much for be that special. I just smile and smile during all this amazing interview.♥️

  67. Thank you!
    No judgement. Tone. Curiosity. Wonder.
    I so desperately wanted to be heard that I forgot to be curious so that I could be connected. This practice indeed will take hard work.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We believe in you. It’s challenging to create these new habits, but it’s so rewarding.

  68. Hi Marie,

    I watched the whole video and first off, let me just admit that I am not married, haven’t been and so I can only imagine the problems that married couples experience. However, a lot of this video was, not just about marriage alone, rather it’s about relationships. I think the greatest human pursuit is often to know oneself and relationship are a way for us to do that, but relationships are about 2 people and not one. So it is important to “listen” to the other person because while we’re having our experience they too are living out their experience of life alongside us. The part that resonated most with me was how Harville/Helen explained that, sometimes, we enter a conversation with a partner in order to discuss a problem, when they might be ready for the conversation. “Let me throw my movie on your screen while you’re still playing yours.” or something on those lines, which is so common in relationships and mine too. Asking permission is rare. Setting up a time to talk to the other person, and agenda so they’re not completely taken aback, is also rare. Listening is rare, and yet that’s the first step to peace and solutions.

    The other part that resonated with me is the structure that they recommend and follow in building a safe procedure to resolve problems between couples. It makes total sense because structure = stability = predictability, which is what the mind needs in order to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with a partner. Surprises aren’t all that great for a conversation. Thanks for making this video, Marie! <3

    Love,
    Anusha

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true, Anusha! I bet the Imago dialogue framework would be helpful for families, friends, coworkers, and other relationships too. We’re so glad you checked out this episode!

  69. Absolutely amazing.
    Listen without judgement, without trying to plan your response. Listen with curiosity and interest.
    Yes, feeling safe and confident ourselves first makes this genuine love and generosity towards the world much easier.

  70. Aloha Marie and Team Forleo! I’m sharing deep gratitude for this episode. Harville and Helen changed my life, too. My mom worked for them for many moons and encouraged me to become a Certified Imago Therapist. I was getting my masters in Contemplative Psychology from Naropa and very much fascinated with mindfulness of the moment, so much of what Buddhist Psychology teaches. Yet I kept having difficulty in my relations, so I studied with Harville. I went through the trainings. I dove deep. My life transformed and my career transformed. I’ve also been sober 24 years in recovery from alcoholism, married 16 years and parent two amazing boys. I am finishing B school and honing “that special something that only I can share.” For me it is my stand for the ARC of connection. Addictions Recovery, Relational Healing, and Contemplative Practices as a relational health coach and compassion activist. I am delighted to be a part of the upriver movement! My biggest takeaway from this episode was “A voice without an echo dies.” May it be so that my inner philanthropist can be heard, can heal hearts, can feast, and can feed others as I journey toward wild success!!! Much love to you.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re phenomenal, Amy Elizabeth! We’re so excited for you and proud of you for the beautiful work you’re doing in the world and how you’re using your experiences to help others. You have so much hard-won wisdom and we can’t wait to see what your dreams have in store for you. We’re honored you’re a B-Schooler and are so glad you’re a part of our community.

  71. Hello, Marie! I must say – I’ve been watching you for a number of years now.. and the quality of what you are providing your audience just gets better & better! I’m a relationship expert – and have taught Harville & Helen’s simple but powerful “safe conversation” process for years to my clientele. All I have to say is, “It works!” And, I am so very grateful to you for using your huge platform to get their work out even more. You are awesome, Marie!
    Love,
    Kim

  72. Ilka Engel

    Hello Marie and Team Forleo,
    thank you very much for this great topic on relationships and safe communication and these techniques. I wanted to say that their work reminds me also of the reseach of Dr. John Gottman and his wife Julie Gottman. He is a mathematician and psychologist and has done research on communication between couples for more than 30 years together with his wife who is a therapist.
    Maybe one day you could invite them to your show?
    best wishes from Norway,
    Ilka

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you for the suggestion, Ilka! We love hearing who you want to see on the show. 🙂

  73. Zoe

    Thank you to everyone who made this episode happen! And especially to Marie, Helen and Harville. This is a breath of fresh air! It has come at a perfect time when I was beginning to feel as though I am losing my boyfriend and not feeling like I could communicate with trust and non-judgement. I would love to get to a stage where we are committed to making this work and communicate in the most trusting and open manner. I realise that staying positive and looking out for the other person instead of internalising it is really important too. I truly hope my partner could be just as passionate about this topic as me, in creating this greater love.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad this episode came at just the right time! We’ve got our fingers crossed your boyfriend will be on board and you can work on this together––it’s a relationship game-changer.

  74. Hi Marie,
    Thank you so much for sharing the work of so many inspiring people.
    Kind.regards,
    Tonya

  75. Yvonne Posey

    I know this must be serendipity! I have been developing a workshop that helps those effected by trauma through building emotional resilience. The struggle has been in how to help my audience create the ever important safe space to express their challenges and ask for what they want.

    Enter Team Forleo and Harville and Helen. How in the world does this amazing organization always have their heart beat right along with the pulse of what it’s community needs??

    And then to provide this content for free!! It makes me feel so good to have done just a tiny bit to support YOU by investing in B-School.

    Thank you thank you thank you!!

    Please keep up your awesome, awesome contribution. Because “the world needs that special gift that only you have.”

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Right on, Yvonne! You’re doing vitally important work in the world and are impacting countless lives. Thank you for watching MarieTV and being a B-Schooler–-we love sharing them with you! 🙂

  76. I have never been a fan of relationship advice, books… etc. But today, for some reason, I decided to be curious instead of judgemental. I decided to watch the video, and I’m not going to lie, I had a bit of a side cringe at the beginning, but by 20 minutes in, I actually had to go share with whoever would listen!! I loved everything about this. My favourite thing is that it didn’t just relate to my own relationship (20 years together, 11 years married, and the very proud parents of a 14… we’ve been known to crash movies every now and then 😉 it was so relevant with respect to the relationships I have with co-workers. I’m actually working on a series of blogs as they relate to course correcting your work environment, to which I loved when Harville and Helen spoke about being in a situation that can’t be fixed at present, you have to find another way to make it work. I’ve always been of the mindset, shit or get off the pot, but sometimes, well, yah just can’t poo… so I love the concept of a reset, being curious, listening, and creating a space that is safe until change happens.

    My top two takeaways: Shifting from judgement to curiosity and being able to say anything if it is said with compassion.

    Thank you again for always pushing me to strive to know more!!

  77. Absolutely, wonderful and so true!

  78. I really wish I and my ex-wife had known about this communication technique back in 1999. We were unable to get out of the cycle of accusation, guilt, and recrimination. Every time we “had to talk” neither one of us really took the time to listen because we were accusing each other of whatever it was at the time. The two marriage counselors we went to automatically assumed everything was my fault. One even asked my wife if she felt threatened at all! I felt like a piece of crap and worthless. I was happy to get out and be on my own, but now after years of self reflection I understand that it really wasn’t one person’s fault but both of ours. My ex understands how she was so toxic in our conversations and is truly sorry. We are now very good friends, mostly because the one thing we did agree on throughout our troubles was that our daughters would come first no matter what was going on between us. That strategy served us well, as we eventually figured out how to communicate more effectively. But sadly, in retrospect, I miss her company and truly wish we had known how to use this technique. I believe we very likely could have saved our relationship. Thank you for getting this out there.

  79. Sharon

    Awesome info! Where might I find the 3 Imago communication strategies covered in this video in a simple written format? Thanks so much!

  80. Bonnie

    Wonderful episode. Thank-you, this is truely a world changing program. To spread the word and leverage the business may I suggest Jeff Walkers, Product Launch Formula. Also, may I ask Helen to look back at this interview and notice the times how she was expressing her thoughts which almost crossed the line into elitism. This may put off some people they are trying to reach. That line was almost crossed talking about the Hispanic culture. Definitely crossed the line when mentioning truck drivers and making the message simple and with cartoons. Sorry if that sounds negative but it is an observation that others may have picked up that could affect your results. Congratulations to you both and all the best making the world a better place.

  81. Steph

    What simplicity & respectfulness to ask a person, “Is now a good time to talk about…?” (Then check accuracy of your listening & empathize to be present for another person.) I’m inspired in this moment to make a reminder alert on my phone to ask this of my kids at a time of calm. In fact, not for ME to talk about something, but for THEM, since I’ve noticed that the time they want to chat most is at bedtime, or when we’re about to leave somewhere & I’m at my most distracted; wouldn’t it be great to offer them a good time to be properly heard? “Strengthening family relationships strengthens the economics of a city.” Wow, that makes a lot of sense. The point about listening skills being rarely emphasized/rewarded also hits home for me.

  82. The simplicity of this is inspiring and it really works if we think about our words and how these affect others. Frequently we don’t really listen or actually hear how our words feel to others. Brilliant gift listening to this lovely Marie hugs and love sweetheart. Thank you so much for sharing this with me today I absolutely loved it and it was at the right time too. Hugs & love xx

  83. This message was so important for me to hear right now. As a new mom, my relationship has been in serious trouble the past year and I’ve felt so alone in this process. The words of Helen and Harville seemed to be inner dialogue I had with myself and I felt like they were talking straight to my soul.

    Thanks so much for such a wonderful episode. This episode also saved my bff from breaking up with her new boyfriend

    Lots of love to you !!

  84. I think the idea of judgment is so deep and impactful, not only in how judgment can impact a partner but how it may happen unintentionally, under the skin, and between the sheets (no pun intended here). Becoming cognizant of this in myself will be a process but I appreciate Harville and Helen bringing this to light and elevating its importance in the dynamics of communication.
    I think also that curiosity in another always makes for a better connection. When that turns off or shuts down due to a number of factors (feelings of judgment perhaps?), then it’s time to step back and reevaluate why that may be happening…

  85. Alice Howe

    Hi Marie,
    On October 15, Mike and I were married 30 years. Between him and I we feel that it has not seemed that long. We have had our up and downs. One of the things this beautiful couple said was “Have a better relationship is about shifting from judgment to curiosity and wonder”. When we got married we ask Mike’s grandparents which they had been married 60 years what the secret was in been married for so long. They said that as long as you respect each other and do things together you will be in the right track. I am going to ask Mike to listening to this wonderful couple that you have on Marie TV. Thank You Marie! you to keep on doing what you are doing.
    Alice Howe

  86. The idea of “learning how to love someone” stayed with me, Marie.
    I think that there’s more to the divorce rate than communication between partners. Finding someone willing to work through the ups and downs of the marriage is increasingly difficult.
    We find ourselves dating people who are in a phase when they want to be in a couple, then other priorities take the reins.
    The idea of community is great, meaning that we’d have a pool of people who think the same way to choose from, but how to apply this right now?
    I’d love to know : )

  87. After 10 years of a relationship, while in the process of a breakup, my partner Joel asked: “Why do you treat your clients and strangers with more respect than me?”
    We broke up.
    Sometimes you have to.
    His question resonated. He was now living on the other side of the country and the person I wanted to talk with the most was gone.
    I realized that I was more curious and patient with strangers more than I was with him. This mistake was mine. All he wanted was to be heard and listened to at least as much as I was listening to others.
    4 months later he phoned and told me he was getting on a plane and coming home. If I was there to meet him at the airport it would be a sign. If I wasn’t, he would persist.
    We have now been together for 27 years and I listen to him above all.
    Marie, this was one of the best lessons ever.
    I hope more people get it.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Fred, thank you for sharing your words with us. We’re so glad that you and Joel found your way back to each other while learning important lessons around listening. Here’s to 27 more years of magic together for both of you. xo

  88. Imago is such great soul work. Love that you’ve connected. Huge fan here of Imago and huge gratitude for their uncovering of the magic of this process.

  89. Carmen Devida

    I haven’t watched Marie TV in quite a while, but your email somehow made me click to see what Harville & Helen had to share. SO glad I did. It gives me hope to be in a relationship again, after being single for 11 years after a brief unhappy marriage. It took me a long while to forgive myself for jumping into that marriage way too soon, and I’m still working on not blaming, but accepting him for who he is. Warts and all. Watching this gives me hope to have concrete tools to share with someone who wants to learn to communicate safely, giving the space to be truly present, coming from the heart instead of the head. My spiritual practice helps so much for me to be in my heart, and what Harville and Helen teach gives structure for two people embarking on a journey together, willing to be vulnerable to create a sacred shared space for love and intimacy to flourish. My biggest take-aways are a co-created safe space and having curiosity… being open to who your partner is instead of who you want them to be or think they are. I know I’ve got a lot to learn about communicating, so grateful for these tools. Thank you Marie and Harville and Helen!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for clicking, watching, and sharing your words with us Carmen. Here’s to all of us learning more and applying it into our lives. We’re so glad that you’re here with us.

  90. Liz Taylor

    I loved this interview! My boyfriend and I have a fairly good relationship and are pretty good at communicating, but we have a lot of work to do. We love each other deeply and want to bring each other true joy and contentment, but have needed a better approach at talking. I loved what she said about wanting to help him by noticing all the things he could improve on! I can totally relate to this and can see how I need to be gentler with my partner and less critical. He and I are both highly sensitive, highly combustible people so it takes a lot of focus not to trigger one another when we talk about sensitive subjects. I am definitely going to try and remember in the moment to practice the dialogue structure. I might even be able to get him to watch this interview : )

  91. lydia Maria Eichiner

    Hi Marie,
    I have done a training provided by Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. and Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. about 10 Years ago, and I had the same trouble about it being so ‘rigid’ myself. My husband does not participate all this and tends to be cynical as usual and I feel often not to be in an save environment. So I simply confirm what this couple says.
    I did not want my family fall apart (also for the consequences mentioned) and tried and still try everything to get the negativity out of our ‘in between’ but was not able to apply the suggested method with him. I felt kind of stupid.
    I was able however to apply an hughing method, we get calmer if we do it. I told him about the hormons and that it does us both only good.
    This was a very good session and they explained the approach in a very good manner and I will take it up again and try to bring it at least to some of my friends and to my daughters in case I will be able to make myself understood.
    I certainly will watch this again. I see this part of my ‘peacemaking’.
    Great!!!
    Thank you soooo much
    Love
    Lydia

  92. Cecily

    Marie!

    I just heard about you from Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday podcast. I am so excited that I did. I think this video you just shared is amazing and I hope it can incorporate it into my relationship to solve some of these conversational issues. Thank you thank you thank you!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Welcome, Cecily! We’re thrilled Marie’s Super Soul talk brought you here and that this inspiring interview sparked so many great takeaways for you, too. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  93. Megan

    Thank you Marie! I’ve done Imago with my husband of 26 years and it’s a game changer. It was so refreshing and enlightening to learn more about their story and history so thank you for having them on your show. You all are inspiring and I’m grateful for your light.

  94. Mariah

    My favorite thing about this video is their color coordinated outfits <3

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      I couldn’t help but notice that, too, Mariah! So good. Thanks for tuning in this week!

  95. Alison

    Hi Marie,
    Thank you so much for this conversation – it arrived right on time in my email! I want this learning for my kids, my family and my community. This topic of communicating in a safe and compassionate way is my passion and I have up until now felt that I might never get it “right”! Feeling inspired and excited to create a safe environment in talking with my teens!! THANK YOU so much Harville and Helen!!
    With gratitude and love,
    Alison

  96. Benson Modie

    Wow…beautiful! Thank you so much Marie and your team for bringing this to the world. This is real education…..what everyone else must learn in their lifetime. Great lessons;
    i. everyone is watching their movie!
    ii. everyone is longing to feel understood!
    iii. move from judgement to curiosity!
    iv. difference is the nature of nature!
    v. talk without polarizing!

    What a great life story for Helen and Harville!

  97. Hi Marie and team. Other than death and taxes this type of interpersonal communication should be taught in the school curriculum it would have such a positive effect from a grassroots level. I have heard, understood and acknowledged the grand gesture of humility and deference which Harville and Helen speak of within relationships just by actively listening with gratitude to your significant other. So easy to take a loved one for granted, something which I am guilty of and as God is my witness I am so sorry my Love. Adrienne, those times of temporary insanity when I put myself first instead of our family. With all my heart and spirit soul I will be a better, person, dad, father, husband and friend from now on!?
    Love always T xxoo

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing how this episode landed for you, T! We’re thrilled Harville & Helen’s message resonates so deeply with you and that you’re feeling inspired to implement the techniques they shared in your own marriage and family. You’re totally right that actively listening and practicing gratitude can have profound impacts on our relationships with others. We’re grateful to have you in our community and for your commitment to growing and learning along with us.

  98. Suzy Holman

    Thank you so much for this! We’ve been married 21 years and struggle to understand each other almost daily. I’m hoping we can watch this together this weekend.

  99. A safe space. So beautiful. They are so beautiful.

  100. ‘Is now a good time to talk about Y?’
    “’Of course, I am an imago guy.’
    She tells him about it and he is all ears.
    He summarises through nods and tears.
    He asks her, ‘Darling, did I get it all?’
    She nods and he takes back the ball.
    He tells her, ‘You make sense. I can see
    What you are showing and telling me.
    I imagine you’re feeling scared and upset
    Please, my darling, don’t forget
    You are safe. Tell me how you are feeling.
    Let our lives together be ever-healing’
    She hugs him and she shares some more
    And their love grows like never before

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Wow, Liane! Your poem is absolutely beautiful– we’re grateful Harville & Helen’s message was so inspiring for you. You’ve painted a picture of the powerful impact IMAGO can have on our relationships– love like that is possible and it ultimately comes down to simple practices. Thanks so much for sharing!

  101. Valentina

    Yes. Yes. and Yes.
    Thank you <3 <3 <3

  102. Angelina Medina

    Dear Marie, thank you for this amazing interview with Harville and Helen. So many nuggets of inspiration I received. One of nuggets at in the top of my list is to practice listening and talking without judgement. I know I shut down or get defensive when I feel judged, so therefore, there no good reason to do this to others.
    Thank you for the illuminating work you do. I’ve been a fan of yours for many years.
    With gratitude, Angie

  103. Elisabete

    Hello Everyone,
    Thank you very much for sharing. I’ve realised that I never ask: “It’s now a good time to talk?” I’ll start by that!
    I’m currently single, but I’m taking the 3 steps for every other relationship I have. Family, Friends, Colleagues you name it!
    Thank you

  104. Martez

    I love this message and all of your videos. And I love you too Marie. You have a gift of “message-timeliness”! Not just on this topic, but across the life and business spectrum. Sometimes I inspire people, but you inspire me.
    You have a beautiful heart and sunshine soul 😉 Thank you for what you do!
    PS. yes, you’re absolutely right!

  105. Tracie Negrotto

    Marie!
    This is such a simple truth that profoundly rocked me to my core.
    I am from an Italian rough and tough family from New York. I learned to communicate in 2 ways, to listen to what your told and get as loud and passionate as you can when you are trying to defend yourself or don’t agree. Not the safest dialogues for sure.
    With that said, I have raised my family to communicate the same way and I’ve been a poor example to my kids in the way I speak to their dad and to them.
    So, what spoke loud to me and something I desire is SAFE CONVERSATIONS. I had never heard that before. And how if we could learn that from the beginning of our lives all the issues that we go through wouldn’t be issues in our adult lives. (Paraphrased). Sorry I listened to this Talk 3 separate times.
    I would love to not only Attend their classes or seminars but I would love to mentor others. I work a lot with youth and I would love to show them what a safe conversation can be for them attend their classes or seminars but I would love to mentor others. I work a lot with youth and I would love to show them what is safe conversation can be for them. I also love what Harville said about as humans we desire this kind of communication.
    Helen was correct in saying how love is the most important thing. After all God who loves far abundantly more than we ever could desired for us to love him and love one another.
    Thank so much for sharing this and I want MORE!
    With love
    Tracie Marie

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Fantastic, Tracie! We’re SO happy to hear this conversation resonated and was inspiring for you. We love that you’re also wanting to share this framework with the youth you work with – that’s incredibly powerful. Here’s to many more safe conversations for all!

  106. I so loved this episode Marie!
    This topic / process has been around for decades. I say that not to be smart, but as a BIG reminder to all us (B-Schooler’s, Copy Cure’s and everyone) that as you put it Marie “only you have that special gift” that you need to share with the world.
    I take that also as being able to teach something in a UNIQUE way that will reach more people. Take head creatives and keep going with your dreams!
    Love to you Marie and Team Forleo xoxoxoxo

  107. Louise Dell

    Hi Marie,
    This has totally resonated with me, as my partner and I have been looking for a method to implement into our relationship and to communicate safely and listen to each other. The mirroring is going to be a powerful tool.
    Thankyou for sharing
    Louise

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Wonderful Louise! We really hope it’s helpful for you and your partner 🙂 Thank you so much for tuning in.

  108. Creating a safe space! That resonates with me as a parent. That’s what I want our home to be, a safe space free from judgment and repercussions. It’s my wish for every child in the world, to grow up feeling safe, physically and emotionally. It’s a journey and my eye is locked into my vision. I keep learning, make mistakes and grow. And it starts with me, regulating my nervous system so that I feel safe and secure in this world so that I can pass that on. Too many of us live in survival mode where it’s almost impossible to feel safe and sound.
    Thank you for another great interview.

  109. “Mirror me” I’m off to teach it to my seven year old!

  110. Naomi

    Hi Marie!
    I am no longer married and doubt I will ever be again but I still believe in and love LOVE. I am ecstatic for couples who have a great relationship and for the possibilities of those working to get to great. I just wanted to say Thank You for you, introducing us to amazing people, for how you care and all your content!!! I love you Marie, even though we haven’t met (yet) 🤗

  111. Fale Leota

    Dear Miss Mari
    What a blessing and full of enlightenment this was. Omg! I didn’t know that I wasn’t using my tongue in the sense of talking properly, kindly, and safely especially to my children… I probably was putting them down, shutting them down so low that I had been praying for mercy and here it finally came. Mari thank you for this tool. I wanted to learn more and to become a trainer and a leader to model for my kiddos first and to spread it out to schools and communities. Especially to the Pacific Islanders community. For I was taught to “shut my mouth and just do what I was told”. I am a single mother and I’m here because of grace. I have already stared to break cycles from my upbringing including (violence, addictions and mental health). I am a greatful recovering and healing survivor of everything and I am just now started to learn how to mend and build relationships with my five kiddos… would love to use this method to teach myself first and to teach my children how to communicate effectively and listen intensely using the safe structure in a safe environment without judgement but more curious and interested in connecting with my love ones. God bless you my angel Marie for never giving up on me, I started listening to you for almost a year ago and this is my very first comment.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Hi Fale! Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We’re honored that you’ve been tuning in for a year now! I can tell how devoted you are to making positive changes in your life and the well-being of your family. Your kids are so lucky to have you as an example of life-long learning, healing, and growth! Sending big Team Forleo hugs to you and we’re wishing your sweet family all the best.

  112. Kaitlyn

    I loved this so much. I want to utilize this in my next relationship. I feel the last one ended due to communication and the lack of an “in between” existing. Most importantly I want to raise my baby boy with this framework!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Beautiful! We love this intention, Kaitlyn 🙂

  113. valery

    well their right I think, no one teach us how to listen and love others, or how to be married. This help me a lot and Im going to ue this IMAGO with my husband because I never let him speak…so this is just the begining for me,for us.They are just amazingly clear and simple. I love them and I have decided defenitely be like them when I grow up. I would love to get older with that elegance…I think they will save my marriage too, because I will learn how to really love…thank you Marie and team…I love you…Saludos from Mexico…

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad this was helpful, Valery! We’re wishing you and your husband the best and many happy years ahead. <3

  114. Nazare

    The importance of safety to have a wholesome loving relationship, and the idea that no exists can be allowed for our brain to pursue any and old ways to make where we are stuck, if you wish, work better and lead us to happiness.
    The dialogue or the safe conversation steps and need to practice is what i want to try right away, also the idea of needing to learn to exclude negativity from the relationship I also want to start working on that. Riding the donkey together in unison.

  115. Sandra

    My husband and I took this Imago therapy in 1996. We married in 1989 so we’d been married seven years at the time. Our daughter was three years old. The therapist we were seeing suggested it. We attended a three day intensive weekend in North Carolina. I believe the leader of the session was Helen Andrews and her husband. My husband and I both walked away with some valuable insight and our marriage changed for the better. We will be celebrating 30 years next year. I would also say it’s a continuous practice to do Imago and dialogue because it’s easy to slip back into old patterns and habits. I can truly say had we not taken this therapy, we probably would not be together today. Or if we were still together, I don’t think it would be that pleasant of a relationship. Thank you Harvell and Helen!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Congrats on 30 years, Sandra! That’s huge! <3 We're so glad you're still going strong.

  116. wayne

    Whew! Bit Fat Yes, Marie! I understand why you nodded so vigorously all through the show with them. I also understand why Harville felt tears just talking about the difference this work makes in the WORLD.
    Additionally, I am feeling an intuitive sense that this wisdom about listening and dialog absolutely works for one’s relationship to oneself. In a workshop I am building about using one’s art (photography in this case) as oracle for one’s life and spiritual practice, I plan to explore integrating this dialog into the process. As David Whyte wrote and speaks, “Start close in; start with the first step”. This is what I’m also hearing in the work of Harville and Helen. It allows for hope and active practice in a world that does, indeed, appear overwelming; we are anything but helpless, and when we practice “close in”, without worrying about the results, BIG results can happen.
    Thank You, Marie.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s such a good point, Wayne! I can see how doing Imago even just with yourself can help dissipate negative self-talk. Good luck with your workshop! We’ll be wishing you and all the attendees a fantastic time.

  117. I just had a conversation with a friend today about having the same fights in our relationships over and over (and over) again… it was so great to pop over here to see this interview. I shared it with her and feel optimistic that we will figure it out TOGETHER! Thanks again 🙂

  118. Hi!
    The contribution of Dr Hendrix to couples therapy in my humble opinion is akin to major scientifc breakthrough….truly remarkable and inspiring….
    That contribution in itself is momentous particularly given its nature and positive impact on communities worldwide
    I m a little skeptical of its application beyond couples therapy and the apparent absence of social analysis…..For all intents and purposes it is informed by middle class assumptions, a demographic that is eroding internationally………

  119. This was so powerful and insightful. I found myself crying from time to time because of how beautiful their story and advice was. One thing that really hit me was this idea that our partner is longing for us to know them. Helen mentions at one point that creating a better relationship is about slowing down & becoming present for each other as a couple, and I was like “whoa!” That’s huge. This idea of shifting from “what’s in it for me?” to “what’s in it for us?” is a really huge and incredible idea, for all aspects of our lives and relationships. How beautiful would it be to see this applied to our friendships our familial relationships and business partnerships? What would that shift be? Thanks so much, Marie + team for this video. Really left me with a desire to learn more and explore further how I can apply the Imago Dialogue in my day to day life and connections.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Beautiful, Dronile! We’re thrilled this conversation sparked so many powerful takeaways for you. It’s wonderful that you’re so open to exploring these ideas and we hope you enjoy implementing these techniques in your own relationships!

  120. Wonderful!!! It is so easy to fall into the trap of judging and getting even more frustrated. Shifting to curiosity and wonder not just saves the relationships but creates stronger and deeper bonds. Thank you, Marie. My lesson learnt is to step back, presence myself, and shift to wonder and curiosity.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Beautiful takeaway, Lena! This is SUCH a powerful shift and we hope it serves you well in your relationships. XOXO

  121. Hannah

    First of all, this interview is an absolute GIFT; thank you to all involved. I was just about to have a really important re-connecting conversation with an important person in my life and this has really helped me shape how I would like to approach it. So thank-you. 🙂 Secondly, and in light of their topic of conversation, this is not ‘negative’ but only a hopefully entertaining comment where– for most of the interview I thought the Hendrix’s were absolutely TINY people in stature compared to Marie. Then I realized it’s simply because Marie’s chair is much much higher so she looks like a giant in comparison. Maybe try to seat all on the same level going forward? 😀 xo Much love

  122. Betul

    thank you for sharing this great episode. as a human being I feel relaxed when I learned that “learning” is the only cure for well living.
    love.

  123. Masha

    Thank you for this video. I am sometimes bad at relationship, but I try my best. Love this couple. Very good looking. I think that it is good that they are together in their senior age.

  124. Emilia

    Thanks for sharing! My husband and i are finding it more difficult to talk to each other without getting defensive. I find it difficult to want to bring anything forward as we get into a very tense conversation. Do you have some skills i can take on board to alleviate this stress?

  125. David Gerrish

    I wouldn’t normally pay much attention to this type of podcast but it really resonated with me, and I want to take steps to improve my communication with my wife and build a better marriage, because it feels like it’s slipping away from me. I’m going to checkout their content and see how it might help, and I know it will, so I thank you Marie before I’ve even looked because I know it’s a step in the right direction. I owe it to myself, my wife and my 2 lovely kids.

    • Heather-Team Forleo

      David, thank you for sharing your honest words with us. By watching this episode and putting thought and energy towards your marriage, you’re already shifting it. Harville and Helen’s work has helped countless couples find their way back to one another and we hope that it helps yours in the same way. We’re rooting for your love.

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