Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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We all get stressed out from time to time, right? (My hand is raised.)

But did you know stress can actually shrivel your brain like a California raisin? No joke. Research shows that chronic stress triggers long-term changes in brain structure and function, and not in a good way.

Stress comes from resisting what is. If you want less stress, make isness your business. Click To Tweet

Specifically, making you more prone to anxiety and depression while making it harder for you to focus, learn and remember new things. Serious stuff.

If you’re like me and want your brain to stay plump and healthy, today’s MarieTV is a must watch. Because let’s face it, stress happens. That part is largely out of our control.

But what we can control is how we respond.

That’s why it’s vital to have a simple toolkit to not only get out of stress mode more quickly, but also save our brains from unnecessary and dangerous shrinkage.


Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to know:

What’s ONE specific situation that stresses you out on a consistent basis? What negative impact does that create for you and those around you? And — what would change if you no longer allowed that situation to stress you out?  

This is a really powerful question to ask and answer in writing. “Thinking about it” is not enough. So be brave and leave your answer in the comments below.

Remember to share as much detail as possible as thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may be just what someone else needs to have a breakthrough.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

You’ve got beautiful things to experience and achieve in this life. A strong, healthy brain is essential to making all of that happen.

Thanks for reading, watching and sharing with such love. Your generosity never ceases to amaze me.

With so much appreciation,

XO

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230 comments

  1. Zahira

    This was the nail on the head. Big event this weekend starting stressing like crazy. Lastnight I started staying in the moment. This video was just a great component of tool. Needed this today. Thank you so much Marie as always you do bomb.com

    • I agree, Zahira. Presence (is-ness) is everything. I’m really starting to grasp the power of this practice.

      I’m seeing that the present moment always has something to offer in the way of a blessing, lesson or opportunity. It’s in our best interests to sink into it so its gift is revealed.

      And that is one of my favorite Tolle quotes, Marie. Thanks for the reminder.

    • This was a great video. Thanks for the reminders.

      My recurring stress is finances. My heart’s desire is to have my own business that makes a difference in the world by helping women become empowered. I keep finding myself at ground zero unable to pay my bills and doing whatever I can to make money which (of course) keeps me from doing what I love. I’m also ADHD and have a hard time staying focused on the end goal. By staying ‘in the moment’ I lose sight of where I’m going and end up running in circles and stressing even though I know better.

      Today I leave that way of being in the past and take action to create what I really want! It helps to think that stress is shrinking my brain!

      • Xio

        Hi Mezdulene,

        You may want to watch Marie’s interview with Elizabeth Gilbert where she says how she promised her writing career she would support herself by other means and not put that burden on her creativity. She did waitressing and all sort of random jobs and wrote in her free time. We cannot expect our gifts to pay a full salary right from the start and putting yourself in a risky financial situation will cause stress and potentially make you give up your dream.
        Both my husband and I are starting our own business but we both work part time jobs and rent a spare room in our house and live frugally to make sure our expenses are covered. Any money from our businesses is spare and is put into savings. If one day it pays all the bills great, if not we are still happy to keep trying.

        Hope this helps.

        • Thanks for your experiences, Mezdulene and Xio. I really think Xio’s advice is solid, I believe that pressure does hamper creativity. If it’s your only means of income, you get over-focused on making money, and that desperation can cause tunnel vision and bad decisions. Living simply and having another source of income helps you to have time for and keep your joy in your passion-work, and helps to eliminate that brain-shrinking chronic stress. Thanks again for your insights. 🙂

          • I so agree! Thank the Lord Elizabeth Gilbert said that, because it seems that in the “Start Up” world its all about cliff jumping and nobody talks about day jobs and safety lines. It gets to the point where, as a mom, I wonder if I should just give up, because between the baby and my day job, my business is developing gradually.

            But I’ve noticed that as I progress, my vision gets clearer, and I need to have a happy healthy family in order to attain that. As long as they’re happy I can be patient, because it would be more difficult for any rip tide to steal everything away. I’ve opted for steady over fast. (And I love it when other steady over fast people share their stories!)

            Finance is my biggest source of stress as well, and sometimes I’ve just got to start from a place of gratitude that my life is stable and healthy enough that I can concentrate on that.

            Cheers,
            Emily

        • A 1000% support for watching this interview with Elisabeth Gilbert. I won’t spoil any of the content, but I can only tell you that you’ll choose how to correctly choose your sandwich, see what happens when inspiration makes you running down the cliff (and what happens after), … and many other important tips.
          It’s a “have to watch it” like… NOW! (I’m trying some hypnotic triggering).
          Best
          Eric

  2. I have this HUGE fear that my brain is shriveling and dumb lol. The simple strategy of destressing is so effective! I tap. Meditate. Use essential oils. Adore color! I love this topic and totally relevant as many die quicker because of stress lol. Perspective matters as well. Breathe well, love!

    • FreddieBrown

      Hi !!
      You mentioned that you tap. Is it really effective ? How long have you been doing it? My friend recommended it recently and showed me how to do it.

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Hi Freddie! Some people swear by tapping and absolutely love it. I don’t tap myself, but I think it’s great — if nothing else, it definitely doesn’t hurt to spend time sending kindness to ourselves. We did an episode about tapping a while back if you’re interested in trying it!
        http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/04/tapping-eft/

        • Roshni

          Hey Freddie, I TOTALLY recommend tapping too! (Also called ‘EFT’). It’s my go-to technique and I become calmer in literally minutes, so it’s the first thing I do when I’m stressed and it’s become a total life-saver. Try it and let us know how it goes!

          As always, awesome episode, Marie!! Am making Is-ness my business 🙂
          XXX

  3. Amy J

    Great ep Marie + crew! I love getting these notifications every week on yt. So many things stress me out on a chronic basis…! But if i picked 1 it would be my relationship “challenges” with my Mum. They affect my life in a big way and cause me to be not my best self with my partner, or anyone really (I know who i am even if she doesn’t ). If i stopped stressing about it all the time and the feeling of not being ‘enough’ of anything in her book went away i think id totally fly. That sounds sad and pathetic now that ive voiced it! :/

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s not sad or pathetic at all! Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you, even if that means spending time away from family. Your wellbeing is important!

      • I totally relate to this, Amy. My brother and I feel we are never enough in my mothers eyes. It’s very sad indeed. It helps me to think this is not about us, it is about her. I have a son and he is IT to me. He just needs to exist, to be IT. So you see, different perspectives. thats my cause of stress, too, and I am hoping to stop shrinkage in my brain by dancing it out! There is nothing we can do about their perception of us. Sending good vibes! Claudine

        • Blu

          My mom has officially stopped talking to me because I admitted I had debts (credit card)..I am so shocked that she would give up on her daughter just because of money.
          If i ever have kids i would never ever treat them like that…
          So i feel your pain..and it makes me feel so alone….

          • Amy J

            Thanks all for your thoughts and encouragement. I’m so touched by this amazing community! @Mandy – Team Forleo – so great to hear from you, and yep – i definitely have spending time away covered… I’ve even moved countries! I visit home regularly though, but it can be highly distressing.

            @Claudine thanks so much for your perspective and vibes! I’m slowly getting better and better at detaching from what she thinks and says (always negative and critical) and you’re so right, it reveals far more about her than me.

            @Blu I know how you feel. It can be very isolating to have such a bad relationship with your Mum. For most of us our Mum is the glue that holds our whole family together and is the central ‘access’ point. Do you have siblings or a Dad that you can nurture a stronger connection with in the absence of one with your Mum? I have found my brothers to be more supportive once I finally built the courage to reach out to them about it; and even though they don’t get the same treatment as me – being a female, they can see her doing it. It’s complex, but Mother’s tend to treat their daughters as an extension of themselves (which they don’t do with sons) so your relationship with money is potentially something that has triggered a fear or judgement that she has about herself with money – not you. Her reaction to you could just be her way of reducing the pain/fear she has for herself around money. Anyway, just a theory (a psychologist told me this earlier this year. My Mum is one of our favourite topics haha). It might take a while, but try to see her reaction as saying more about her than you and know that you are just doing your thang, learning life as you go, just like anyone else and there’s nothing wrong with a mistake or too. We all have debt (pretty much – how does she think the GFC / credit crunch happened – it’s how our entire society operates!). Big hugs x

  4. I get most stressed whenever I am running late to something. I am rarely late and when I am it is usually only by a few minutes. Still, it’s hard to combat the slow creeping feeling of, “you’re letting someone down, you’re being disrespectful, how can you keep someone waiting on you!”

    Then, the other day at the gym I overheard my friends Reggie & Natalie who were running late to get to a class that started 5 minutes earlier. Reggie (who was by no means stressing, just making conversation) said “We’re late to cycle, Nat”. Natalie said back, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to be late then.”

    I swear that was one of the most brilliant things I’ve ever heard and likely more from the way Natalie said it than the words she actually used. What can you do? You’re late. You can’t roll back time. Would you rather stress about it or, instead, show up as your best self when you do show up?

    Anyway, that has been a refrain in my head whenever I’m running late now: “Well, I guess I will just have to be late.” Part of the stress comes from making myself feel guilty, but by not stressing, I can realize what’s in my control (the time I leave my house, for instance) and what’s outside of my control (the accident/traffic jam/etc. that’s keeping me from getting somewhere on time). By letting go of what’s outside of my control, I can show up to where I’m heading as the best version of myself, not the overly apologetic, stressed out version.

    • UH

      Thank you for sharing this, Lucy! It’s the exact advice I got in my MBSR class recently. Our trainer said “be relaxed about being late” – of course, she didn’t want us to be late to the course sessions, but she wanted us to be okay with it (and besides not make a fuss and a million excuses that would interrupt everyone else). I found that extremely useful!

    • Thanks for sharing your story Lucy, that is a GREAT statement to remind yourself to be present. I didn’t realize how much being late stresses me out until I read your post, and I’ll definitely be using your tip!

      I also get stressed when I procrastinate or feel unprepared for a meeting or a client. I think if I just take a deep breath and make isness my business, and give the client my 110% attention and best work, I can move beyond the stress. And learning from the experience to remind myself next time not to procrastinate since it doesn’t make me feel good.

  5. Amber

    Do you have a link to that research? Would love to read it!

    • Hi Amber,

      This is kind of additional information, but I recently read a book called “The Depression Cure” by Stephen Ilardi, which was truly mind-blowing. It mentioned a lot of research related to what happens to the brain under stress and actionable things we can do to protect ourselves and repair harm caused to the brain and body from stress. It sites a lot of research studies such as the one mentioned, though I don’t know if it was the same particular study. You can also google the author’s Ted talk.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m not sure of the link to that specific research, but I know Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist at Stanford, has done some similar work on the effects of stress. She’s written several books, so you might enjoy checking those out!

      • Amber

        That’s helpful thank you!

    • Bb

      I think this is the article mentioned: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201402/chronic-stress-can-damage-brain-structure-and-connectivity

      You can find the original research article’s name in this link as well. If you google the name by adding the word “scholarly articles” after it, you can easily reach the research, which you’d probably need to pay to read other than abstract part unless you have a university affiliation.

      MarieTV sums it up pretty well though -as usual 🙂

      • Great episode! The brain study used mice and in vitro tissue models, and not human brains. Interesting though!!

      • Amber

        Thanks a lot 🙂

  6. Great video, Marie! You have awesome timing!!! I’ve been working on a webinar this week and part of what we’ll be discussing is how stress keeps you from losing weight, too. It will be nice to share these other not so good side effects and tips.

    Thanks 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh wow. Stress keeps you from losing weight too?! That’s no good at all!

  7. Ale

    Love it!!! Gonna start doing all of this. I do not get mad, or crazy or anything, I just feel my body stiff.
    Great idea and reason to start my yoga and working out again!
    Thanks

  8. Claire Lockerbie

    Great episode Marie! I really like a book called Loving What Is by Byron Katie, which has helped me a lot to deal with stress.

    Claire x

  9. Annie

    Marie, Loved this. What stresses me out is not having enough time to do what I love, connect with people and play music. trying to pay the billswith jobs instead of doing what I love…ugh. Help.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really challenging place to be, Annie. Marie has some advice on how to navigate this, so check out these episodes:
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/01/safe-job-or-do-what-i-love/ and http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/02/go-for-dreams/ I think you’ll really like those.

      • Amanda

        Thank you for the links, Mandy! In the past, I either had all the time in the world & was broke or vice versa. I’ve been doing a lot of work to rewire my beliefs so that I can have both now.

        Thank you, Marie! I haven’t commented in quite a while, but I’ve been watching, learning & having a great time while doing so. I really appreciate what you are doing here!

        Amanda

  10. Sue

    Thank you sooooooooomuch. OMG this couldn’t have landed at a better time! I’ve been so stressed this week and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I know how to turn this off by meditating. But day to day my head goes bluuughhhhhh and I can’t focus on doing one thing at a time. Thanks so much for the timely reminder to go easy on myself and relax my mind. Wishing it wasn’t so causes so much stress. I love making is-ness my business. 🙂

  11. Bridget

    Two kids under 7. They need a lot from me. But that is the nature of parenting and sometimes while they are demanding and whining, I am all like, “whyy do I have children?”… “whyyy??”… which totally shrinks my brain and my ability to love and connect with them fully. Which is really a large part of what my sweet little family really wants, including me. I accept it. I remember I chose it. And the solution is to start to have them do more things on their own, which helps them build more confidence and self reliability, makes me a better mom, a mom who is more sane with a larger brain. Win. Win. Win. Thanks Marie and team. Love you guys!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is such good insight, Bridget! I love that you’ve found a win-win-win for you and your family. <3

  12. Emily

    I stress consistently about PUBLIC SPEAKING. I have a major meeting I speak at for my job once monthly and every time it gets closer, I stress for days in advance! No matter how I’ve tried to approach the meeting and/or my speech, I STILL feel super stressed and nervous. If I could prevent this small work activity from stressing me out, I would feel WAY more confident and relaxed going into the meeting each month.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Public speaking is pretty nerve-racking, but it doesn’t have to be. You might like this episode of MarieTV on how to overcome the fear of public speaking: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/03/overcome-fear-shyness-josh-pais/

    • Eric

      Hi Emily,
      Maybe some tips from someone paid for public speaking (Professor University: speaking to groups from 10 to 200, speaking in scientific meetings, speaking in small groups of peers,…).
      tip1: your stress is NORMAL! People are more or less stressed, but there’s nothing to do about it; It won’t disappear. So don’t try to make it disappearing. You are not really stressed, you are stressed of being stressed during your talk. Once you know you will be, don’t let it bothering you before. You’ll have enough time, 5 min before, to take care of it.
      tip2: as your stress/fear won’t disappear during your talk, put it somewhere where it cannot trouble you. The best advice from a former kick boxer: shape it as a ball (you see the ball?) and put it into your abdomen. Why the abdomen? because you need the rest of the body: brain, mouth, arms, legs, lungs…
      tip3: use your stress. It is perfectly located in your abdomen. If you do some gym or sport, you know that contracting your abdominals will help you in some difficult moves. Where you put you stress will reinforce this action, and this small ball in your body will help you to be focused, but without disturbing you (it cannot touch the other organs).
      tip4: if you have to speak, it’s probably because you are the most experimented person on the topic, in the room. So, no need to be afraid of what you know. What is important, is the story you are telling, not the fact that the slides are not perfect. Imagine you have no slides, but just a black board. You could still tell your story. Imagine now the opposite: your slides are here, but not you…No story.
      tip5: you talk to human beings (yes, in the meeting room, some of them are actually). Look at them, choose a couple of people, well dispersed, and look specifically at them. Everyone will feel that you are doing the eye contact with all.
      Now, you have your speech in mind (of course, it’s well prepared), the stress is under control, and you know that there real people in the room or the amphitheater. JUST START! Tell your story. This is why they came, and you are apparently the best expert in the room.
      tip7: questions session. If there are any, listen first to the questions before starting to answer. You can even ask for repeating, or rephrase the question to be sure that you understand. Several options: (1) you know the answer; perfect, you win, you continue; (2) you don’t know the answer but someone from your team knows it; ask your collaborator if he can provide an answer as a specialist; (3) you don’t know the answer and you have no idea who could answer, or if there’s even an answer… RUN!!!!! (no, I’m kidding). Best option: “this is actually an important point, but we haven’t explore it yet at this stage of our work. However, i would pleased to expose you our options, but maybe during the break, as it could take too much time.” If you have a difficult, but expected question during a business meeting (what’s your budget, revenue predictions for the next 3 years, difference with your main competitors…) and you have no answer, now it’s because you didn’t do your homework… and it’s very bad.

      As a professional speaker (being paid for doing it), I can tell you why I’m not stressed (but focused): I love transmitting the information, knowledge, I have, and be sure that people understand. So, I’m more concerned if they follow my story than about my own person. If you focus on being the message, not yourself standing stupidly on stage in front of people, you could even like the exercice at the end.
      Hope it helped a little bit. Please let me your comments if you want to pursue this discussion further. And don’t worry, if you are concerned about your stress, it means that you are concerned about delivering a quality speech, which is already half way to success.
      Best

      • Emily

        This was beyond helpful! I will use all of these tips. Thank you very much!!!

        • Eric

          You’re more than welcome.

  13. Kendra H

    We recently moved from my happy home of 15 years to a new place I don’t love, on behalf of my husband’s job. I feel trapped and sad every day, and worry that our kids will end up staying here even when I get a chance to move back.

    Every morning I wake up dreading the day, and think longingly of how great I had it before. It’s definitely a source of never-ending, never-improving stress, and I’ve seen concrete proof of it making me dumber, like locking up on tasks that used to be automatic, or finding myself incapable of having a polite adult conversation. I’ve dropped the ball with a few of my clients, too, and have been late with deliverables.

    My friends aren’t sure what to do with me, even from afar. My kids are picking up on the stress levels and it’s making them have a harder time adjusting too. My husband feels like he’s not allowed to be happy in his great new job.

    If I no longer let this situation stress me out, I would be a lot more efficient each day, and would be a more pleasant person to be around. I might also be able to find and celebrate the good things where we’re living now. And I could bring the cheer and enthusiasm back to my work day, which is one of the things my clients say they like about working with me.

    • Jo

      Hi Kendra,
      My heart goes out to you, moving home can be so hard.
      Although you don’t love your location now, one day you might just look on it as home, or at least with fond memories. In the meantime, be patient with yourself and allow yourself to be sad when you need to – resisting it will stress you out even more.
      As for being dumber, just think of all the new things that you’re having to squeeze into your brain – new routes to school, new friends and acquaintances, new home, different shops, not yet existant support… Give yourself credit for all that new learning that’s taking place too.
      Keep congratulating yourself for the small steps and I’m sure that your natural enthusiasm will return.
      Jo

    • Sarah

      Hi Kendra,

      I moved overseas by myself at the end of last year so I feel like I can relate to some of what you are experiencing. I know how difficult it can be when your life is turned upside down, but this is your life, and this is your time. The only regret I have in life is how much time I have wasted worrying and not being happy. You are the only person who can change this, I think you just perhaps need some reflection on what it is that you have, and what you want, and what you need to do to get there. Check out Marie’s interview about goals and core desired feelings. I think that what you are after (love, happiness, joy, fulfillment and whatever else) can be achieved no matter where you are. Best of luck x

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! I’ll have it posted as a separate comment shortly. 🙂

    • BeeBell

      Hi Kendra, I’m no expert but just like letting go of a bad habit you have to do something different every day to get over it. Perhaps instead of waking up thinking how the last place was so wonderful, plan one thing, before you go to bed, that you will find great about the new place. Maybe it will be about somewhere you would like to explore or see or experience by yourself or with family. Maybe it will be about finding something in common with a fellow co-worker or neighbor. It could even be something as simple as letting an attitude of gratitude permeate your thinking (ie. I have a great husband….. job…. family… house…. weather). Soon you will start waking up with smile because you have something to look forward to. In the end only you can change you…… you just have to take action, even if it is only one step or thought at a time.

  14. This is a great reminder. I got into Buddhism last year and really liked the phrase, “Practising patient acceptance of the way things are.” It helps to remind me that there are some things I cannot change.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s such a beautiful way of wording it. Thanks for sharing this awesome mantra with us!

  15. Another great video…so my 10 years in a stressful marrage made me dummer! But as a result of that stress came great personal change for me. One of the tools I use is a type of meditative practice which helps me stay present- taught by author doreen banaszak.

  16. Brenda Joyce

    I have a daughter who has been an IV drug user and has manipulated me and caused me unbelievable stress over the past 22 years. She has brushed up close to death more than once and continues to survive. She is on a healing path now but has far to go. The stress I internalized caused me to have a stroke, literally. The good news is she is healing as am I. In order to heal I had to let her go. Detaching with love is difficult but the only way to relieve my pain and stress and help her find her way. I let go and moved away to another city. Best choice I’ve ever made for myself and her. I am now giving myself “extreme self care” as my other daughter advised. It is not selfish and I recommend it to all, stressed or not. :).

    • Brenda, you are so smart to give love to yourself. I have a similar situation and have not yet gone fully into detachment, but am about halfway there. That journey is stressful itself (as you know!) so I am trying to take baby steps in separating myself from the selfish, pain-causing antics of others. Thanks for inspiring me to keep going. Running my own marketing consulting business and juggling lots of clients is super-easy compared to dealing with a parent’s heart. Congratulations on your journey!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I know it wasn’t easy, but I’m so glad you detached and are practicing self-care. Your health is important and I’m glad you’re giving yourself the care you need. We’re sending lots of love and wishes for healing both your and your daughter’s way. <3

  17. I can attest to the effect of “bad stress”. You can read the story of my one year old son having a rare undiagnosed neurological condition by clicking on my name above, which is still ongoing, but we had no idea what was going on for months.

    About 6 months into it I started experiencing lots of health problems, from TMJ to tinnitus to numbness in my fingers and toes, but the scariest ones were a tremendous loss of memory and the inability to concentrate (i.e. SHRINKAGE!!). It was so bad, I would have to lie down several times a day and I actually forgot my own son’s name at one point. They thought I had MS or other disorders, but after a battery of tests, they concluded that extreme stress levels were the culprit.

    I have had a lot of stress in my life, but mainly and fortunately good stress, but as Marie reported and what I experienced, good and bad stress have very different effects on the body. As horrible, it was, it was a blessing in disguise. I learned so much about how to handle all stress, and most importantly bad stress.

    As Marie alluded to, it’s all perspective. I realized I am not going to be the strong mom my son needs if I am so stressed out that I am sick. Instead, I learned to trust that I will make the best decisions based on the information I have and will give my son the best life he can have. I also became more present in my life, so that should the worst happen, I knew I savored every moment I could with my family. Being proactive about life helped me sideline my worst fears and focus on things in my control. And finally, I took action. I have promised to pledge 20% of profits from my new business to research for childhood cancer and genetic disorders. I have such a sense of purpose!

    Between taking action and becoming more mindful, I am ironically in such a better psychological place than before my son became sick. PLEASE, if bad stress should creep into your life, as difficult as it is, try to take a step back and change your perspective before the stress causes real and serious brain damage.

    We will be launching our new venture on Kickstarter next week. Please look out for it and feel free to connect with me if you want to learn more. xoxo

  18. I LOVE this episode – such an important concept. Also LOVE Eckhart.

    Lately I’ve been most stressed out by all the things I want to do as an entrepreneur. Thinking about everything I want to do pulls me out of the present moment.

    I’ve been practicing being in the present and trusting that I’m exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing.

    From there, I can take aligned action. It feels great.

    This vid is so helpful as I flex these muscles more and more!

    Also, looking FLY Marie! I love your dress. Can’t wait to meet you tonight at the Kris Carr event.

    xxoo,
    Lula

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I totally hear you. Trying to think of a massive to-do list at once is anxiety-inducing! I’m so glad you’re practicing being in the present because it really does make all the difference in the world.

      We can’t wait to see you at the event tonight! 🙂

  19. Laura Mastropietro

    Loved the topic and almost wrote in on this. Hubs is stress bucket. I was going to ask how to assist or help. Lol so instead as he lie here in bed this morning I played my Tuesday morning gift from Marie and let it seep into his mind. Now I know my guy and he does best if it’s his idea so I’m going to watch now see how he does. He’s not a in the moment kinda guy.
    Thanks so much. Great info.

    • Hope “let it seep into his mind” works for you *and* Hubs! I know it does for me – especially first thing in the morning or on the way to sleep.

      Great reminder of one of the really important “things we already know, but forget”, Marie. Thanks!

      Bright Blessings ~

  20. Stress is a distraction from the present moment! When you’re experiencing stress- you’re either thinking about what maybe, could, possibly be…or…you’re thinking what already was.

    To shift from stress, be present.
    Simple. Not easy. Worth it.

  21. Maria

    Hi Marie,
    Thanks for your video! I am a stresser since … always :))
    The last months I was really stressed because I was afraid my business won’t work, that clients are not liking my service, that providers are angry, etc. etc. However, I decided that these *could* be fantasy of mine and just asked. My business is growing and I am less and less stressed, and also going to my business 100% full-time (I was consulting for an additional income)
    Thansk!

  22. No longer stress here as I’ve learned I can’t control life in as much as I allow it to be… Java meditation provides the serenity necessary to soothe away the stress. Living and working in this “sacred space” is my in-between of making peace with all that is good and bad… Happy and sad. It is where life is now… Knowing that we can’t change yesterday or control tomorrow… And so it is. Enjoy the day.

  23. Mel

    I had a friend who would call me crying and hysterical over things that “might” happen. Ugh. It was a nightmare. Not even real situations. Are you kidding me? I stopped taking her calls. I don’t have time or desire for that kinda crazy in my life.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh gosh. That sounds like an extreme case of what happens when people don’t make is-ness their business! I hate that she’s suffering from so much stress, but it’s good that you didn’t let that toxicity poison your life.

  24. Stress erodes the spirit and causes physical harm to the body!

    Lifestyle, diet, exercise and hormones all play a role in this, too. AND if you’re a parent, stress is inevitable and a daily process of self-awareness and intentional self-care!

    I don’t think there’s enough support for women in our society going through the change and many mid-life women suffer stress and depression because their too embarrassed to get help, whether alternative or western.

    As a woman in her 50’s, I’ve had to recalibrate my business priorities and put my health front and center. “The Change” can actually be pretty harsh and thusly, cause extreme stress. After forcing myself to sit at the computer and work on biz 10-12 hours a day, I finally got my act together and now hike everyday before any screen work. Being in nature for 30-60 minutes immediately recharges the senses and helps me connect with my intuitive without any distractions. On occasion, I’ll do a Periscope broadcast from the trail once I’ve had my “me time.” This has made a tremendous difference in my life, business and sweet family. I feel much calmer and therefore, I’m able to have laser focus and get stuff done AND enjoy my life!

    A walk around the block a few times a day, can help to regulate stress and invite new perspective.

    At the end of the day, inner peace is our greatest asset. From that we can manifest from a place of feeling whole, inspired and healthy.
    ?Thanks, Marie!

  25. So happy you said all of this, Marie!!!

    I have a huge pet peeve about people who complain about their situation and do nothing about it. So not only do they not act, but they don’t car dance either! Why complain to me when it solves nothing? Gah. 😀

    Anyway, for me stress has been mostly business-related lately because I started my own business, and well… you know how it is.

    What stresses me most are deadlines and I feel like I have some kind of creative block when it comes to deadlines. I can write aton of wrods daily without breaking a sweat, but when I put a deadline on it – forget it.

    Anything you would advise for this? Thanks. 🙂

    Violeta

  26. What’s ONE specific situation that stresses you out on a consistent basis?
    Putting time and effort and pride into my work, and still making mistakes.

    What negative impact does that create for you and those around you?
    I feel bad, creating a negative atmosphere for me and the people around me. I doubt my ability to do the work, get distracted and scatterbrained in my focus and veer from my path.

    And — what would change if you no longer allowed that situation to stress you out?

    I would save myself and everyone around me many moments of negativity, I would stay more focussed on my path and be on task.

  27. Kelly

    I have been letting my husband’s dislike of being out nature stress me out a lot. Something I have learned is that I cannot control other people – especially not their feelings about something, which they often cannot even control. The thing is that it used to be something we did together, and now it’s so sporadic – like once a month or every other month – whereas I really want to be doing stuff outside every weekend, every day if I could!

    I know that my attitude towards this disagreement has been juvenile – whining about it and trying to get him to change his mind and come with me and my son isn’t going to work, and giving up and doing whatever he feels like is just making me miserable (and I know my whining isn’t making him feel any better). But I can make a decision to take care of my needs and go on hikes with my son, and he can come if he wants, but it won’t affect me either way. Those healthy boundaries can be hard when you are married, especially when you have little kids. But I think that is what I can do to make this stressor go away – just not let it stress me out!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That sounds like a good plan. And maybe he’ll see how much fun you’re having and realize he’s missing out! 🙂

  28. My stress is 100% all the time over money. On the positive side, it causes me to hustle and it helps me learn that buying things is not the answer to happiness. And I know once I start doing better money-wise, I will appreciate it so much more. On the negative side of things, I know that stressing over my situation doesn’t help anything so I try not to let it bother me too much. Just enough to take action!

  29. I entered into a business partnership that was toxic for both of us. We tried and tried to change the way we deal with each other, and eventually came to the conclusion that we are 100% incompatible. Working with each other actually DRAINS us of money, energy and joy. Instead of trying to CHANGE who we naturally are, (and in turn diminishing our light and strengths) we are dissolving our partnership. It does bring a lot of stress and when there’s any threat of legal action, it gets REAL scary. But I know this tough time NOW will lead to harmony down the road (and less brain shrinkage.) WOOT! #CarDance ! Love it. THANKS MARIE!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It sounds like you’re making the right (though still difficult) decision—one that honors both of your strengths and contributions. We’re sending you both lots of love during this time of transition and we’re excited to see what you do next!

  30. Dana

    I’m in a major period of transition right now. I want to be in a completely different place from where I am now, but I’m taking measured, calculated steps to get there. The Eckhart Tolle quote really made me stop and think. I can keep taking my baby steps and my giant steps toward my goal, but still live in the moment and appreciate it for what it is instead of trying to skip over it. Great video!

  31. Sarah

    I constantly get stressed about not meeting the high expectations I’ve set for myself and my business. This makes me feel like a failure all of the time, which does not support the dreams and aspirations I have, it only makes them more difficult to obtain. This stress keeps me from the happiness available to me in the present moment. If I no longer stressed about being a failure I could better fuel my mind with inspiring and positive thoughts and ideas about actually growing and moving forward.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It may not be Sunday, but you’re preaching here! This is a fantastic insight. It sounds like you’re a really driven, goal-oriented person, so I know it’s hard not having super high expectations for yourself, though it sounds like dissipating that stress will work wonders for you and your business. We’re cheering you on. You got this. 🙂

  32. Kim H.

    I stress all day every day about my job, mainly because of the people I work with – it’s like every annoying coworker I ever had has reincarnated and come to work in my department! I spend the entire day in a state of stress because there are so many constant triggers. By the time I get home, I am so exhausted, I just collapse on the couch. Then I start the whole cycle again when I get ready for bed because I dread going to work so much. If I could let that stress go, I would have more energy at the end of the day, I would have a more pleasant day and might actually get to know some good people outside my department instead of walking around with a cloud over my head, and I would have more optimism to apply for a new job somewhere else!

    • Are you able to wear headphones at work and listen to soothing music?

      Can you try to change your schedule so you arrive earlier and leave earlier? Maybe having some time to ground yourself at work before others get there would help…

      I also had this problem at work and then decided that their life, their problems, etc. was not mine. I was trying to understand them from my point of view and couldn’t… I was getting so frustrated. My lesson was that I cannot understand others from where I am and being where they are is not my job. When you really remove yourself from other people’s business, you don’t have to carry that load.

      You just need to be a beacon, doing what is best for you and working from your highest integrity, not getting sucked in by the raging sea 🙂

  33. Jessa

    My brain is melting from stress…but not any more! I’m going to make isness by business 🙂 Thanks Marie for another great video!!

  34. Nidhi

    i tend to stress out about the past ie think about what others said to me or what others feel about me…………………..this video was really helpful….thanks Marie

  35. Thank you so much for posting this. It’s great information for anyone that gets stressed out rather easily. Thanks for always putting up the best info, Marie 🙂

  36. Hey Marie,

    Why is your website not responsive on smartphones???

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We’re in the middle of a big website re-design and that’s one of the reasons why. We want everything to work seamlessly no matter how our audience is accessing the site. Stay tuned for the new site launch!

  37. I always try to pay attend to the little stress triggers and then do something about it. When you pay attention, you can really observe what gives you energy and what drains you. And what is it exactly that drains you, sometimes it not the thing itself, but the before or after or the way it is done…

    Small changes I made or I’m making that makes a difference in my life :
    – Not watching the news anymore (major stress on the brain and body)
    – Batch cooking on the weekend so I have a few meals I can just pop in the crockpot in the morning and not stress about making dinner in a rush (help to eat healthy meals too)
    – In the process of hiring some help with the cleaning. I can’t afford a house cleaner every week, but I will be hiring for every 2 weeks the stuff that I really don’t like doing, ak bathrooms & some kitchen stuff.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so smart, Amelie! It’s awesome that you’re thinking ahead because the less stress arises is less stress you have to work through.

  38. Maria

    I stress about my partner because we do not get along too good. We have been friends since childhood, and we started a business together two years ago. Our friendship kind of ended in the meantime. And now I’m stuck in a business relationship which I don’t know if I want anymore. I’m seriously thinking of going solo in my professional life.

  39. Maddy Gray

    Hi Marie & Team, great episode and question:
    One thing that stresses me out at the moment is that I’m not doing enough for the world and that I don’t have a clear purpose. this impacts on my brain, drives me crazy and as a result I spend more thinking about this and not using my time effectively. My family and kids also notice this low negative energy and day to day usually fun engaging things become a chore. When I accept that this is ok and that I really am where I’m supposed to be (because deep down I know it’s not about me) my energy levels raise I feel better and I’m able to give to those around me. Meditation & gratitude, Marie TV and talking with a friend help me enormously….

  40. Jasper

    Byron Katie’s work “Loving What Is” and the inquiry process she guides readers through is PHENOMENAL in getting to the “how” part of accepting what is.

  41. Brain shrinkage. EEH Gads! There are so many great studies coming out now about how stress does a really big number on our minds and bodies. And luckily lots of tools to help. I’ve been exploring relaxation techniques since 1985 and now share those techniques with my clients. Two of the most powerful techniques by far are Japa meditation and Yoga Nidra.

    In Japa meditation you focus on a positive intention and repeat it using a beaded garland called a mala (it looks like a Rosary). This type of meditation is great for people who have a hard time with focus and concentration (lot’s of us out there!).

    The other wonderful technique for shifting negative thinking (exhausting) to more positive thoughts (empowering) is Yoga Nidra. This is literally laying comfortably and being guided into a deep state of relaxation.

    The common thread of these two techniques is relaxation, repetition of a positive intention and gratitude. Since it’s often our thoughts that trigger stress, these two techniques work wonders.

  42. Awesome, as always! 🙂 My biggest stressor is not enough income yet from my writing. If I KNEW it would work out, I could focus on the writing and business things that relate to it with more passion and less worry. But your message today is my 2nd confirmation to stop worrying and focus, so thank you!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad this video helped, Becky! If you haven’t already seen it, check out Marie’s interview with Elizabeth Gilbert. They discuss making money writing and Elizabeth shares some really inspiring wisdom about the writing process. I think you’ll really like it. http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/09/elizabeth-gilbert-big-magic/

  43. ann

    So thinking that my brain is shrinking is adding more stress to my life! LOL!
    I’m currently working with children and teaching them to manage their stress. You have a simple way of explaining things that I can adopt for my group of kids. I’ve been listening to Tolle for years and I love his delivery but I don’t think kids are going to ‘get it’. Can you image what you would have been like as a teen and young adult if you would have had these tools as a child? It blows my mind sometimes.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Haha, that’s what I thought at first too, Ann! 😛

      I agree. I so wish I’d known about stress management from the time I was a kid. They should really teach it in schools as part of the required classes! It’s awesome that you’re helping kids work through their stress in healthy ways. That makes us super happy!

  44. A certain in law. If I let it go, it would free up a great deal of mental and emotional energy better used in different ways!

  45. Laura B

    So glad it’s Tuesday! This episode spoke loud and clear to me. I’ve had acute pain for many years. I practice being ‘here’ every day but heck if I know why my brain keeps bringing me back to my pity party? Loved your diagram of the brain! It brought it all together for me scientificly. I couldn’t figure out why when I tried to return to school to change my employable skills why I was failing. I mean, I knew my pain was distracting me, but now I Know because scientists agree! I also thought my memory was not the same, but I wasn’t sure…. ? Then I wondered why crying was so easy. Yeah, this spoke to me. This helped me get back on track. Within any obstacle, I have to embrace it by learning about it. It may take me longer because of this distraction but I’ll get there. Please keep on keeping on.

  46. Hello Marie and Marie fans,

    This is really pertinent research, and thank you for sharing. My mom is a cognitive psychologist, and she shares a lot of things like this with me, which have been instrumental in helping me make changes in my life.

    I do want to say, though, that I think there is a need for other solutions for major, unchangeable stress. I remember reading about the Syrian migrant man who had just watched his wife and two sons drown, as he tried to hold them all afloat in the ocean. There was a picture of him sobbing. He said the only thing left for him was to return to fight, since he had no more family. It was so heartbreaking I couldn’t even contemplate it. I’m grateful I haven’t had to go through something that horrible, but these past years have been rough – infidelity during my pregnancy, divorce, my dad’s death, simply being a single parent now without my family nearby, and someone very close to me falling into a severe depression. Sometimes I, too, have teetered on the brink, and there are some things that are simply stressful that we can’t think our way out of. I think it’s important to mention that, because there is sometimes shame involved in feeling like if we can just be more positive, we can not have to suffer stress. I say this not to disagree so much as to add information, because I imagine there is someone else out there who, like me, has dealt with the added stress of feeling shame for feeling like perhaps she should be able to “handle it better”, a question I have asked many times of people I trust.

    That said, for extreme stress, and for issues like major depression, we may not be able to out-think it, but it is true there are things we can do. I think it’s important to respect our minds and bodies as evolutionary, biological beings. As such, I cannot recommend highly enough the incredible book “The Depression Cure” by Stephen Ilardi, who also has a Ted talk you can watch on YouTube. Other things that have helped me are centering prayer (mindfulness meditation is very similar) and yoga – and self-compassion. But sometimes knowing it’s okay to feel bad, and it isn’t a shortcoming, really helps.

    Thanks for sharing the research, and some good solutions. I hope the information I added may be helpful to someone.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Rachel. Common everyday stress isn’t anything like major depression. Common stresses can be helped with positivity, but depression is a mental illness, so that’s best treated with professional help. We definitely don’t want to make anyone feel shame or like there’s something wrong if they can’t manage depression on their own. We absolutely encourage self-care and seeking professional help when needed. <3

      I'm really sorry to hear about the painful experiences you've had to endure recently. Any one of those things would be stressful individually, so I can't imagine the level of stress you must feel going through all those things at once. We're sending lots of love and wishes for healing your way during this challenging time.

  47. I knew it!!
    This is how I feel after too much computer time (aka stress I guess). It felt to me like braincells were dying. Doing e-mails is def number one on my list. It just stresses me out and takes up way too much of my time.

    Thanks for sharing this Marie <3

  48. Caitlin

    THANK YOU! You always help so much!

  49. I will opt for action #1 take action! Thanks for this video. 🙂

  50. Weeelllll, I had an aha moment watching this, and it certainly wasn’t one I expected.

    You see, I think of myself as a (relatively) present, mindful, centered person. It’s not too often that I get swept into stress. But when I DO get super stressed, it’s almost always in the same circumstance:

    It’s when SOMEONE ELSE AROUND ME IS SUPER STRESSED!

    Yep, I let MYSELF get stressed because SOMEONE ELSE is stressed! I have thoughts like “that person shouldn’t be so stressed! They should be more mindful and present!” Basically, I am telling myself that what is happening shouldn’t be happening.

    Mind = blown.

    I DO have a choice in those circumstances. I can choose to present some calming techniques and mindfulness tools to the stressed person, or I can choose to just ‘accept what is’ and let THEM be stressed without me joining them.

    Wow…aha moment!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh wow, that’s a really great aha moment! It’s awesome to see that you have a choice in times like this, especially since your choice can allow you to help the stressed out person (and subsequently, yourself too!). I think this also speaks to what an empathetic person you are, which is always a wonderful quality to have. Though sometimes empathetic people need some extra self-care, so don’t be afraid to unplug from people when you sense yourself getting too stressed. <3

  51. Sarah

    Marie,

    This email could not have come at a better time for me. I am an international graduate student, and I have ended up in a toxic living situation. I am trying to break my lease, and the situation with my housemate/landlord has impacted me so much that I have had to book counseling appointments. I’m generally a pretty chill, big picture kind of girl, and I think I’m pretty good at bringing things back into perspective. I know how lucky I am to have the opportunity to be studying in America, and I try to recognize the positives in each day (I LOVE squirrels, they bring me so much joy). I have taken action to try and find a replacement for my lease, but things have become so bad that I will be moving out within the next week as I no longer feel safe. Until then, I am car dancing. I am making the choice to no longer let this impact my life as it has (trouble sleeping, eating, binge eating, falling ill, losing weight, many crying episodes).

    One of my favourite quotes is “It will always be ok. That thing you are freaking out about, is really nothing in the long run. It’s all good. You’re all good”.

    This is my life, this is my time!

    Thankyou x

  52. Omg Marie…first of all, if you’re all done with that dress then I will trade you it for this bib necklace I have and know you’ll love. Let me know 😉

    I remember “make isness your business” from your book about relationships. It’s totally the way to be…it just makes you experience each moment on a whole. nother. level.

    Something else I want to share with you is another stress reducing tactic I learned from Amy Cuddy in her TED talk “your body language shapes who you are”. Research has proven that if you just hold a power position for a few minutes – such as standing like super woman, hands on the hips – your stress hormones go down, and your feel good confidence hormones go up! Great for when you are nervous before a big presentation or a meeting.

    Thanks for being beautiful & adding value every single week Marie. Please consider my offer on the dress.

    Maddie xo

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      YES! Amy’s TED Talk is fantastic. I remember watching it a few months ago and being mindful of my body language in stressful situations. It really goes work! Thanks so much for sharing and reminding everyone of this awesome resource. 🙂

  53. E.

    These days I’ve been getting stressed about purpose and passion. I have so many dreams and some of them have come into fruition while others haven’t. I’m in a space of potential transition, but trying to figure out what to GO FOR is driving me crazy.

    I think if I stopped stressing about it 100 percent then all the answers I’ve been looking for would eventually surface. One thing I’ve learned in my years is that trying to “figure it out” doesn’t really work, presence and experimentation does though.

  54. LOVES me my MarieTV!!! There is always something valuable and you simply crack me up, Marie! I never miss a Tuesday!
    This week you have a absolutely outdone yourself. Brain shrinkage! It’s true! I swear, sometimes I can feel it happening to me! But no more because now I am going to ‘Make Isness My Business!’ What a lifesaver!
    THANK YOU MARIE
    Hugs,
    Marni

  55. Thank you so much for today’s Marie TV discussion of stress and business. I have been struggling with immense amounts of stress and my business and the lack thereof surely shows the outcome of the effects of stress on my work. I am an interior designer and I live and work from home. In February of this year I moved in with my parents who were struggling to care for my mother who has severe lung disease. Her sickness is so dire that if she does not get a long transplant she is considered terminal. My father also has a number of physical and mental health issues which makes him caregiving for my mother a regular problem. In the stress, worry, dysfunction, and upset in the home, you can imagine how running my business out of the home has been almost impossible. My office is right next-door to my mom’s bedroom and she’s constantly interrupting me to make requests of me while I am trying to concentrate on my design, on my business, on my bookkeeping and everything else that happens on a daily basis in my business. At first doing things like making tea and getting her medications and such were just lovely things that I was happy to be able to do for her but now the constant interruptions while I am trying to concentrate on my design, on my business, on my bookkeeping and everything else that happens on a daily basis in my business. At first doing things like making tea and getting her medications and such were just lovely things that I was happy to be able to do for her but now the constant interruption has brought me to a place where I really can’t get much accomplished in a day. I am certainly not out there networking and meeting people and this is the primary way that I get new work so jobs have been few and far between. The result of all of this has been a ton of stress, a lot of me wishing things weren’t as they were and a lot of resentment. I love my parents and I really am so glad that I am able to give them this time. Reframing my perspective of what is and what I can do about it is a start down the road to creating change so that we can all be cared for.

  56. Dean

    Hi Marie,

    I am in a position of long term unemployment, living in a tiny one bedroom unit. Each day I am in this place, often alone. Stress arises from a place within me, that my life is passing me by. I have been outside of working like since year 1999, exception of university.

    It upsets me, that my quality if life is like this. That this valuable human life i have been given, and my enormous heart, is being squandered day after day.

  57. Elizabeth

    Well this video is right on time! I’ve been sostressed today that I can’t even described i think my brain is already the size of the raisin just from this one sytuation!! I booked my vacation to fly to LA to see Tony Robins from 20 to 27 but I requested time off at work from 21 to 26th and thankfully I realized what I did the evening before my flight which at least gave me time to pack. But it wasn’t enough time to prepare people at work or finish ongoing projects I had prior to my departure. I emailed my boss and the girl i work with explaining what happened but they both were reallly mad, so now apperantly I’m going to have a talk when I go back to work. The thing is that I was mad at myself at my neglegence and slopiness and I feel like I’m always like that and everyone knows that!!!! This makes me so helpless and worthless that ai stress over it and more I stress more Mistakes like that I make and more I make them worse I feel! This is like a visiouse circle. I don’t know how to take my life under control. The thing is this job doesn’t even cover 3rd of my bills, yes I do learn a lot but it’s not a sufficient income at all. I’m feeling like leaving myself but not sure hiw to start my own photography and graphic design business started! This was long rumbling on my behalf so thank you for listening.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh gosh. I’m sorry to hear you’re going on vacation and have to worry what this talk at work will entail the whole time you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself! You can help prepare for the meeting with this MarieTV episode: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/06/win-any-argument/

  58. Elizabeth

    Sorry for tons of typos you can tell my frustration is off the chart

  59. UH

    Thanks for this great episode, Marie! What a funny coincidence: I had just read about being in the here and now on my lunch break earlier today and one sentence struck me as essential for the stress that I tend to develop: It is not the positive or negative experience as such that catapults us out of the here and now, but either our desire to be somewhere we are not (yet) or our fear (or denial) of a situation. So I think it is a great idea to stop and ask myself what I am feeling right now, before I respond to any given situation be it positive or negative.

  60. I’m in a transitional phase of my life right now, running a new business, moving, etc, and it seems like there’s nothing but stress!! I didn’t know it shrinks your brain! Yikes! I love the “Make isness your business” suggestion and will implement it immediately! Thanks!

  61. “What’s ONE specific situation that stresses you out on a consistent basis? What negative impact does that create for you and those around you? And — what would change if you no longer allowed that situation to stress you out? ”

    My biggest stress in life is my husband’s health. It’s been almost 5 years since his life altering stroke and although he is healing, he will never be fully back to 100%. Thankfully, he is still the same person I married a decade ago, but there is and always will be a very present concern that he will not live to walk our daughter down the aisle. Or that I will become a widow before I’m 40. Or 1 of 100 different things that could happen. That I can’t plan for. It’s also heartbreaking for things like, he won’t be able to come with us when we go to Disneyland for Thanksgiving this year. And that makes me sad as well as stressed.

    I try to be in the moment, to know that the time I do have with him is wonderful and listen to the time we have, but there is always the worry for the future. I know that anyone could die at any moment, but being confronted with this so specifically is really hard.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so, so sorry to hear of your husband’s poor health. It’s understandable that you’d be worried about the future! Though think about it this way: if you focus too much on the future, it could keep you from creating beautiful memories together now. We’re sending lots of love and healing wishes your way. <3

  62. Kerri

    I love Tuesday’s with Marie TV 🙂 Your advice is usually just what I need to hear. Thank you!

  63. Amy

    I teach 8th grade English. How’s that for stress? I’ve been teaching for 11 years and it actually gets harder every year….more mandates, more kids on IEPs, more trauma’s, etc. etc. The job totally drains me emotionally and physically, to the point where I don’t have anything left to give my own children, spouse, and myself. I barely have energy to make dinner, let alone hang out with my family or do something fun for myself. I am usually passing out before my kids’ bedtimes…and they are 2 and 4! Needless to say, I cry a lot, sleep a lot, and it has a negative impact on my marriage.

    If I no longer stressed out about my job, I would probably have more energy (maybe, because the job itself is demanding even if I’m not stressing over stuff I can’t change). I would probably laugh more with my family. I might have time to read a book and drink a cup of tea. I would probably be able to enjoy my marriage more. I think the benefits would be endless if I could stop stressing about my job. I would actually love to quit my job, but I need a paycheck sooooo….

    • Jo

      Amy, but do you realise how important you are to all those kids? They will remember you for the rest of their lives! You are making a huge difference in this World by what you’re doing! My good friend is a teacher (here in the UK) and I’m in awe of what you guys do and what you have to go through! I told her to read the book by Michael A Singer – Untethered Soul, which teaches you how to look at things differently (& ultimately reduce your stress). It might help..
      Jo xx

      • Amy

        Thanks, Jo! I will definitely check that book out. It sounds awesome!

  64. Mary

    This is great advice for minor stresses. Won’t work for chronic pain or a cancer diagnosis though. For extreme stress only support from others will help, perhaps faith – and tapping. Meditation is fine and all but tapping physically and emotionally changes things so quickly it’s incredible. Nice dress btw 🙂

    • I disagree, actually, Mary – I think it’s even more important, but it’s often much more difficult. I had an undiagnosed but clearly worsening condition several years ago that affected my ability to breathe, and none of the doctors I saw could help anything for several years. I kept seeking treatment, but internally I came to a point where I had to face and accept the likelihood that I was going to die (as I nearly did multiple times).

      Facing that was terribly difficult, but it became the thing that allowed me to have some sense of calm while I kept looking for at least an *answer* to why breathing was increasingly hard, if not a cure – and fortunately, I found both. I do wish I’d had tapping back then! Acceptance is vital to working with stress, though, IMO, whether big or small.

    • Mary — glad you brought this up. Being a trauma/nervous system specialist that works with folks with severe anxiety and “stress” you are correct. Most of my clients have been tapping their skin away and meditating themselves deeper into a shutdown response, so although this advice does help for people who are relatively healthy, there are many people who aren’t and this backfires..

  65. Amy

    And I meant “traumas” not “trauma’s.” Now I am stressing that people are judging my typo lol

  66. Melinda

    The thing that is stressing me out the most is food. Namely, staying on my diet and handling it when there’s nothing on my low carb diet. It started out noble–reducing my risk for diabetes–and then blew up in my face–my new goal was to put my body image issues aside for a friend. Asian food especially triggers me as that was how this issue began and worsened.

    If I stopped allowing myself to stress, my waitstaff would like me (for one thing). I’d be a better friend to some more loyal friends, who really love Asian food. My parents would be less scared to take me out for meals.

  67. Jo

    Hi Marie, this is a great one, thank you!
    I have 2 major crazy stressful things going on right now, both to do with money, 1 I can do nothing about, the other I can! Eckhart has kept me going through both and actually, if I wasn’t experiencing these 2 crazy things, I wouldn’t have found Eckhart, who is amazing at making you see what’s important in life (looking in rather than out!).
    I’ve learnt not to stress about things, but to be aware of those crazy thoughts which dramatise everything (and don’t help at all!), instead just deal with what you can deal with each day. By accepting the situation you’re in, you’ll find that you can deal with anything that comes your way, calmly (which increases the likelihood of a positive outcome!). Life is for living and experiencing, not for stressing 🙂 xxx

  68. This is awesome, I go through it everyday. I work full time and I’m trying to transition to be a full time musician. Each day at work I think about being creative and what I could do with my time if I wasn’t at my job and use my time to work on my craft and create new songs. It does affect me when I stress about this but later realize that it makes me even more tired therefore affecting my train of thought when I get back from my day job to work on my music. Best wishes and keep up the awesome posts.

  69. Dear Marie,

    Thank you for your kind words. I feel terribly stressed this year when Ashley Madison said to me that we cannot keep your American Social Networking Site in it’s Affiliate Network because of poor hits. I got terribly hurt when TIDIO LIVE Chat said that they cannot offer any Affiliate Program to me. I felt very bad when British Airways told me the following as shown in quotes one day back:

    “Hi Rohan,

    I hope you are well and had a good weekend,

    Thank you for expressing an interest in the British Airways affiliate programme. The British Airways affiliate programme has only recently moved to Performance Horizon, and in doing so British Airways has decided to greatly reduce the number of number of affiliates on its affiliate programme. Therefore, unfortunately we will be unable to accept you on to the program at this time.

    Many thanks,

    Matt”

    This was bad stress for me. Making isness my business was good stress for me as I sold more than 6 copies of my EBook in SnapDeal given in
    The good stress for me was to earn USD 1.97 by NeoBux today by PTC Program. The other angel good stress for me was to sell my Music Release (Piano Music) “Crystal Light” in 600 Stores across the globe in Horus Music UK with a minimum threshold of GBP 500.

    I really liked your presentation today. May Jesus bless us all and keep us merry and happy from all evil. Thank you for being my magical friend.

    Regards
    Rohan Sarker

  70. Diana

    Thanks so much for this video Marie! I really love your Car Dance metaphor — really makes it obvious how ineffective not accepting the “isness” of the moment is in traffic jam – like situations.

  71. Kaylee

    I can totally relate and I’m really actually embarrassed to say this….But, the big stress is the love of my life…….for the past 10 years…….he can’t seem to set boundaries for his ex-wife. I’ve been so patient and understanding for so long because we have so much fun together. We are in sync and our talents and interests are so intertwined…….and now that the last minor child is a senior in high school, I’m wondering if my patience has in reverse been ME not setting adequate expectations for our relationship. From the outside looking in………most would think I’m a doofus…..but……tough to just walk away now that this doofus might be so close to actually having what I thought I wanted…….after all that patience. AND, please note….this man is sweet, kind-hearted, loving, a great father……….but the “softness” and the lack of boundaries leaves me wondering if our future would always have me playing second fiddle to ex-wife and kids….Note: The manipulations by the mother of his children would be a mind-boggling Lifetime move feature!! HUGE rating for a movie like this…………As a Christian, kind-hearted, loving, peace-maker…….this is the very first time I’ve ever been the target of bullying and I’m still struggling to take the high road and pray over the situation………..and focus on her need for treatment for mental illness. I just can’t phathom that she isn’t mentally sick…..otherwise she would just be a mean person. I really don’t want to believe that………..

    But will I be second fiddle FOR EVER AND EVER!!! Hard to move on at this age (50s)…..The stress has me holding on the 20 extra pounds and many nights at home alone. Not to say that I sit home doing nothing. I’m a really active, busy entrepreneur, antiquer, repurposer, remodeler, gardener……..I think my strength and varied interests………and my heart……..are what has kept this sweet man hanging on to me!! He loves my sweet nature and the fact that I’m not confrontational………and neither is he. BTW…..we are not married! And he lives a few towns away……
    With all that said……..this is my stress!!! Progress, though. Lately, he has noticed a change in me as my attitude has actually become “It is what it is”……and he probably has a little concern that my “acceptance” could mean I’m tiring of all this…………Isness……….

    • Kaylee

      Thank you, Marie, for all that you share. This blog was very much on target for my past 10 years……… Within the next few months, the last minor child will reach adulthood, go off to college and the “love-of-my-life” has the idea that since he will no longer have to send child support……that somehow he will have fulfilled his obligation to his ex and he’ll be free again……… My thought: There will be weddings, babies, funerals, etc………If the ex has controlled everything for close to 18 years now…….will anything really be different? GOSH……praying for God to direct my path.

  72. Yes! This is exactly what I see in my research with mindfulness and the effects of stress on the body and mind, and in my coaching clients. Thank you for sharing.

  73. The biggest stress I’m feeling right now is in moving forward with my coaching business – I feel like I keep finding things to be “stuck” over, and stalling. It can be frustrating, especially since I was so excited and driven several months ago, and that feeling seems to have gone. But I can both accept that this is how I’m feeling right now, and also decide to move forward in the ways that I can (without trying to feel something I’m not). I don’t have to feel like I’m divinely inspired in order to write blog posts, or reach out to people, or fulfill my commitments. I can just be me and do my honest best.

  74. Jana Hamilton

    College classes! Definitely the major source of my stress lately. The late nights, lack of sleep, and anxiety associated with the seemingly constant stream of exams or assignments due has definitely been getting at me. I have seen the signs that this is damaging to both my physical and mental health however, I don’t know how to find balance without my grades suffering. It’s the struggle.

  75. Antonio B.

    This is amazing. I did somewhat know this intuitively which why I started doing mantra after meditation season but this is the ANSWER of why I felt this way for so many years. I wanted to be there but I had to be it.

    I had hard time deciding what kind of future I want but I am getting there now, I just have to trust the timing of my life, I’m meant to be where I am. So, whenever I feel the stress, I will be present and pay attention to now instead of future (me). I am prone to seeing the future but real key is to understand why I want that future and make that happen today not tomorrow and not be disparaging to my past self as well.

    My mantra of the week is ‘I am positive, patient and persistent’

  76. I have been dealing with jealously and low self esteem which stresses me out & is causing trust issues in my relationships.

  77. L

    “Amen!” to car dancing!! ;0)

  78. I tend to get stressed when my husband gives me any kind of feedback, because I perceive it as an attack (this is baggage from childhood, where my caregivers were hyper critical). I usually have a knee-jerk reaction and attack him for “attacking” me, and it escalates into a heated argument. Last time, though, I stopped in the middle of my reaction, and asked myself “Why am I so stressed right now?” which led to “I’m in pain, but why?” I sat with the pain for a moment, and allowed myself to just feel the pain for a moment, because I wanted to figure out where the pain was coming from. Then I realized I was feeling the pain because in the moments where I feel I’m being verbally attacked, I translate them to be a lack of love. In other words, I feel unloved. As soon as I realized that, I followed Brene Brown’s advice and gave myself the love I needed in that moment. And that caused the stress to melt away. All that insight, and not a dollar spent on a therapist, ha ha!

  79. Wow. Love this video and everybody’s comments. It’s is amazing to read our struggles and our ways of coping with stress.
    Same here. I get stress about my business but most of the time is healthy stress, things that propel me to take action. I can get overwhelmed at times but then I make a list, I plan myself, and take one step at a time.

    The bad stress… It’s my mom and my brother. Their calls and messages make my heart jump. I won’t go into details but they are not well, and they spread their craziness to me. They love me, and I feel the love. But at the same time, I cannot save them. A dear friend told me it is like they are drowning and holding on to me, but I have no boat or a lifejacket.

    If I didn’t have their stress, I would feel lighter in my daily life. I would sleep on my bed instead of watching tv on the couch (not worried about them). I would pay more attention to the people that are actually talking to me instead of worried and answering their crazy messages on my cell.
    I would feel more relaxed and energized and happy.

    • I sooooooo relate to this, Claudine. OMG…

      I have close family members that take me there- If I let them. I have resolved to not answering my phone. I do regular check-ins that are on my terms.

      I have also made peace with the fact that I have done my part in showing them unconditional love, offering my resources (and beyond) when needed, and praying for them, daily. I have done all that I can. The rest is up to them.
      Stress still creeps in as I worry about their well being, and when that happens, I say another prayer.

      We must protect our hearts, though. We still have beautiful lives to live. 🙂

      Best!
      Nakeia

  80. Shelley

    Amazing timing! I am stressing out about how to push myself to the next level. I know what my life’s purpose is but I need a plan to put it in place. Just when I feel like I am making progress, I self-sabotage. When I am on a roll and making progress, suddenly the dishes, house, laundry or TV become the most important thing to take care of at that moment. Pretty silly since I don’t really like any of them. Not sure why I have to have a fire lit under me before I can complete my action steps. If I don’t listen to the noise in my head and stress out about work, then I would be free to make money and support my family the way I know I can. After watching this video I took two steps to ‘Making isness my Business” and sent an email to a potential client plus downloaded the Stress Log! Thanks Marie and to your awesome team!!!! You are an inspiration.

  81. The thing that stresses me out the most is not being organized. I honestly don’t think I was born with that skill. 🙁

    The clutter and disarray of my house drives me insane and I’m completely overwhelmed and don’t know where to start with it!!!

    Help!!!!)

  82. Emma

    I have a co-worker on my management team that really stresses me out. The owner has a deep emotional connection to this employee so she hasn’t let him go even though he is doing a poor job and making everyone crazy! I’ve already talked to the owner with other members of the management team and she has agreed to reassess his position at the end of the holiday season.

    Although I’ve already taken action, I still get so angry with this coworker, and knowing the owner is taking a serious look at him doesn’t make me feel better. I can feel that I’m always complaining about him and its an energy suck on my support systems, but I can’t seem to help myself, even though it doesn’t really make me feel better, it just adds to the negative energy.

  83. I stress when I have to reach out.

    I keep forgetting that my job is to be pleasantly persistent, and keep looking for what I need, be it in the form of help on my business, sales or simply spending Halloween with friends.

    What I do about it is that I declared the next 6 months “The Pleasantly Persistent Phase”, and I know that I will master it by March of 2016.

    Happy dance 🙂
    Llyane

  84. Working on Quickbooks has the ability to stress me out just thinking about it. I have put this off consistently for most of 2015. I try, get stuck on some little thing (like changing inventory numbers or something silly), and I get all stressed out and stop. Sales tax is due today and this weekend I suddenly found my is-ness and realized I could do this. (Fortunately I have a service-based business and owe very little in sales tax–so if I mess it up, it isn’t going to cost me a fortune.)
    And I can do this! I found some training videos about my problem spots in QBs and the stress has not reappeared. Thanks so much for the reminder that recognizing that stress response is critical! When I am not stressed, solving these little problems is so much easier. My brain doesn’t work when I’m frustrated and upset.

  85. Radically Right ON! You Rock Sista

  86. Arija

    I remember bumpin my tunes real loud, and having my own club session on my way to work when I would have to sit in traffic on the QEW. Not only did I not let the stress of traffic stress me out, cause let’s face it…..you can’t really go anywhere! So make the most of it. I also brightened up other peoples days!!! People would look over and smile or give me a thumbs up, cause it’s a reminder that life is awesome if you make it be!!
    Awesome content Marie, keep doing your thing, you rock!!

  87. Panto Thenic

    A situation that stresses me is when stuff doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. I am a lover of technology, but I gotta say, when the newest and supposedly greatest Operating System slows my computer to a crawl, when I download software that is incomprehensible, when the “high speed” wifi you’re on runs slower than molasses going uphill, that’s stressful. I have to slow down and just go with it, work my way around it, take a break.

  88. Ooh, I watched this great TED talk recently that gave me some a-has about stress and how we can redirect the sensation and avoid the detrimental physical effects that make “bad” stress dangerous. It is called “How to make stress your friend” by Kelly McGonigal. Highly recommended!

  89. Take in a deep breathe. Exhale slowly. One thing at a time.

  90. Deanna

    YES!! I am actually doing the right thing 🙂

    After having stressful family issues, I found that I am a problem solver.
    In stressful situations, accept was is and find a solution. This is what I have been trying to teach my very dramatic 12 year old daughter.
    Don’t Stress!
    Stay Calm & Find Solutions. 🙂
    This is easier said than done but IS extremely helpful. Thanks Marie!!

  91. Kortney

    Love this video! Sharing it with all my coworkers. We have all been quite stressed lately about a lot of changes that have been going on. Someone I work with said they other day that she is just going to be like a duck. I asked why and she said to just let the stress roll off of you like water off the back of a duck. Since then if we see one of us getting stressed over something we just start quacking. If anything, it temporarily relieves the stress and gives us a good chuckle listening to someone make duck noises!

    • LOL (Love Out Loud), Kortney!

      I’ve used the “make like a duck” concept for years – except when I forget about it, like I have lately – and it does work wonders at de-stressing! 🙂

  92. Thanks, Marie! This is great. I’ve been building my brain buffer by getting back to the basics of life. Meaning, I crawl on hands and knees, hang upside down, walk backwards, etc. This little formula ended a serious case of depression a few years back and it completely changed the way I see the world. I use it anytime I want to take on a new challenge or keep it steady.
    Looking forward to seeing you (online) tonight! Cheers!

  93. Hi Marie + Team,

    This week I have been feeling so overwhelmed and anxious. I have full-time job and am desperately trying to get some traction on a personal business, but I am so busy that the personal business has just fallen by the waste side (wah, wah, wah). I am overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of work that is on my plate that I’ve gone into apathy mode and just given up. I just feel like reading romance novels instead…. I do need to just start crossing things off the list, but I am in such a weird place right now that I can’t seem to get that going. Any suggestions.

    Love,
    Claudia

  94. jennifer

    Thank you for the helpful hints. I will incorporate them when I have huge cortisol levels dumbing my brain. It’s a sensible concept, but it’s so hard to just live in the moment. Be grateful for what you have.

  95. I stress about not having enough time, but that’s usually me getting in my own way. If I put more “space” in my day, meaning more time to drift a little, I find I actually get more done. I go by my intuition more than my brain. Still, its hard giving up brain control, but sometimes its the only way to live with more freedom, therefore less stress.

  96. Hi Marie,

    The twitter quote is pure gold. I breathe in and breathe out, and relax, when I feel stress arise. We let everything in so stressing means we’re trying to grab and control, which is the opposite of allow. Allow your stress to arise and fade away. Relax. Works like magic.

    Ryan

  97. OMG!!
    I literally JUST finished broadcasting on Periscope about this. A viewer requested it this morning… I wish I had opened my Marie mail, earlier. I could have recommended your video. 😉

    Stress is something that I struggled with from childhood- and then on and off throughout various stages in my life. I was most often stressed about getting to where I really wanted to be in life.

    Your advice was solid, Marie.
    My personal approach is similar:

    1. Face what you can’t change…
    2. Fix what you can… (knowing that I’ve done all I can gives me a sense of peace.)
    3. A” what’s the worst that can happen” exercise (and then create buffers that will give me some resolve.)
    4. Daily prayer + meditations filled will affirmations that keep me focused on what matters and present to enjoy the process.

    Your video was great confirmation for me.
    I so appreciate you. 🙂

  98. suzie

    I get stressed at a lotta things too: money, work, health, procrastinating….

    But i would say the one thing that stresses me out the most is my inability to manage my time well. I often find myself flitting around and not using my time well. I have tried so many things to help this and nothing has quite kicked the habit but each day i think i get a bit better. This comes from resitance. I’m scared i’m not going to do a great job or that it’s going to tired me out or i simply don’t want to do it. This definitely impacts on everyone in my life as it effects my work, my moods, what time i turn up!!!

    What can i do to avoid this. Keep trying to crack it with time management tools, daily meditation, keep working on the business dream so i have less to resisist and procrastinate over on a daily basis. And also just appreciate what i have!! Appreciation that i have things to do and that i can do.

  99. I was hoping you’d quote Master Yoda. Two choices you have. “Do or do not, there is no try.”

  100. Tiffany

    Marie,
    I have struggled with anxiety and chronic stress for 3 years now. I remember the time I stopped enjoying my life. I started drinking the compare cocktail you mentioned previously, I started worrying about things I couldn’t change and it kept me from being able to focus on the things I could. My stress and anxiety was literally paralyzing me. My hair started to fall out, I was afraid to leave my house, check my mail, or even answer the door for family members. I knew what I wanted to do with my life. But Marie, I was stuck stressing out that I wasn’t happening right now. I had been told “no” on some job interviews. What I needed to do was take the rejection as constructive criticism and work of the skills they needed me to be better at. After being hospitalized for ulcers, I realized something you summed up perfectly. Entertaining stress that isn’t productive, is like being on a hamster wheel and wondering why you haven’t reached your destination. It is something I have to work on everyday. Unfortunately, deciding once not to let stress bother me isn’t enough. Thanks for you video Marie!

  101. After having a heart attack and taking lots of meds, I could not remember things. I stressed over my job because I thought my new boss would fire me. I would go from his office to mine and forget what I was suppose to do. It was a difficult time and very stressful. My blood pressure would go sky high from the stress. I cut back on some of the meds and that helped a little.

    Then I found a supplement that helped with clarity and focus. It was studied at Princeton University Signum labs for 20 years so I felt safe taking it. My cardiologist approved it also. It has helped me sleep, when before my brain would not stop all night. Now I get restful sleep. It has helped me focus so good at work, sometimes it surprises me.

    Keeping my mind working properly has eliminated my stress.

  102. oliver rojas

    I am a Night-Custodial Worker and at work I am constantly stressed out by the question, “Am I gay”. I walk around with this thought on a daily basis, because people at work casually ask, “Where is my mate?”, “Why don’t I date?”. I also notice male co-workers or superiors are often afraid to be an acquaitence and married and committed women often make sexually suggestive comments and invade my personal space. I am so uncomfortable all of the time. I adjust and re-focus mentally just to stay sane. Eventually I tune out all the provocative “am I gay thoughts” and “sexually suggestive comments” by retreating to my cleaning.

    The negative impact creates social isolation.

    If this challange did not exist I could talk about my lack of sex, my need for it, and how hard it is to find a woman that supports men trying to re-structure there lives with meaning and purpose.

  103. Great video, Marie!

    Eckhart Tolle is super smart but probably has never worked clinically in hospitals or medical clinics directly treating people with severe stress. Even that great concept cannot possibly apply to “ALL” stress! Plus, it is not actually an answer, just a description he has observed. Sorry.

    After 25 years as a stress specialist, I’ve found that there are indeed precise tools for body, mind and energy plus a new 21st century understanding needed to transform stress into the most amazing vehicle for producing optimal health, achieving goals, focusing powerfully and relieving ALL stress symptoms without pills – plus de-stress in six seconds flat. That turns out to be today’s most important health ability! If people are interested, there’s more at TheStressFix.com .

    It’s also helpful to see that 70 years of stress research on caged mice and rats, who had no options, missed how stress operates positively in Nature!

    Anyway, your video is totally on the right track and FUN!

  104. Kim

    I love this video! It’s so lovely and simple and fun! Quintessential Marie! Thanks for all you do to help others and make the world a kinder, easier, mover loving place. I love the catchy phrase, “make isness your business” and how you break down the two simple choices – take action or try to find a way to make the situation more enjoyable – here’s to more car dancing! YES!

  105. Marianne

    Hi Marie,

    This is the first time I’ve commented but not the first time I’ve been impacted by your videos so—thanks to you and your team!

    This one was so timely for me. In January 2014 I left my career of 20+ years in health care to pursue a childhood dream of acting. I went to an excellent acting school here in NYC full time and just graduated this past May. And now I am officially an unemployed actor!! It’s taken these last four months for me to really get my mojo back. I’ve been working on projects and auditioning but feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. I’ve never not worked! And without a structure–work or school–I have struggled to find my routine. Just last week I would say I hit my all time low—just not able to see how this was going to work out (for me working out means gainful employment somewhere in the acting business—no small feat!). And then it clicked–stop worrying and just be in this moment. Create, audition, rehearse, go see stuff…whatever it is. Do it, do lots of it and enjoy it.

    I have never had any doubt that I did the right thing. Even though I don’t know what my life is going to look like at any point in the future, I know I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. I also know the worrying about if and how I’m gonna get paid acting gigs doesn’t serve me at all. But it’s taken me a few months for that to really sink in.

    I had signed up for B-School in 2014 as well. I wasn’t able to give that the time it needed—I totally underestimated how all-consuming school would be. But what I did get from it was helpful then and is still helpful now—so thanks to all of you for that too.
    Keep up your great work!
    Marianne

  106. Jennifer Chavira

    I get stressed every single day. I’m eighteen years old; I’m always worried about my grades, my classes, and while interacting with classmates. Omg, this is crazy! ????

  107. Brenda

    Thank you so much! One of your best.

  108. Love this episode.

    I stress because I’m overwhelmed with a lot of resources, study and work.
    Also, multitasking, not only for my business, but for my husband’s business as well (I’m helping him out with all online marketing/website stuff)

    Negative impact: having too much things to do – I basically not as productive as I could be.

    What changed if I no longer stressed over it: I have more time for myself.

  109. Marie, I love that you brought the source of stress down to its essence in not living in the present moment. I divide my time between Austin, TX and Guatemala, and my family is in NY, so sometimes I find myself missing or even wanting to be in multiple places at once. But at the root, once I drop that thought and start “Loving What Is” as Byron Katie says, so much more space, peace of mind, and happiness open up for me.

  110. Mary

    Loved this episode and realized that I let things get to me when I am thinking I should be perfect. Today I became bummed and distraught because I didn’t do well on a test that was unexpected. I ended up being angry on the outside and couldn’t see the forest for the trees, reacting to the unpleasant situation. I became someone I don’t really like. Phew! It’s tough to be perfect all the time. I can’t quite pull that off. Darn it!
    Marie, you ROCK! Thanks bunches!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Right?? I wish we could be perfect all the time but it just doesn’t seem to work out that way. I’m slowly coming to realize it might actually be better that way though 😉

      Thanks so much for tuning in this week, Mary!

  111. Love you, Marie and love your cute cup 😀

    I have recently discovered that the thing which stresses me most is the discomfort or unhappiness of the people I love….and it’s because there’s nothing I can do about it (it’s their journey and their choices so I try to not interfere unless specifically asked for help)…and honestly sometimes there is nothing you can do to change their mindset, etc.

    What works for me in releasing stress is

    1) My mantra: Jah will provide (and a new one “I’m exactly where I need to be right now.”), I really feel that everything will take care of itself if I just be present and accept

    2) Imagine the worst that can happen and make peace with it – this works miracles! I use it when anxiety takes over – I imagine the worst that might happen, realise that it’s actually very unlikely to happen and that my world and life won’t end even if it does happen!

    Works for me, wish you all stress-less day!

  112. Jade

    Perfect timing!

    Just developed a stress headache while realising that the growth I was expecting in my business isn’t possible. Throws the whole future into uncertainty and that FREAKS ME OUT!

    But while watching this, I realised that when I look back on this moment in the future, I’ll just think about the lesson I learnt and that I will never make the mistake again. As such, I’ve got an amazing opportunity for growth and learning in front of me. And I love those!

  113. Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world – N. Mandela. Its true. With this saying in mind i went to school and i got the colours required of someone educated but the sad part of it is that i have not found a good company to reward that since i started working. Hence financially i am stressed consitently. This has created a negative impact because at times i feel like hiding from the social community. Hiding from those with more resources and stable lives. On the other hand hiding is not an option given the kind of work that i do in the world. If i manage to stop this stress, then I will do the work that i do in the world without a stumpling block. Above all ‘ Someone is watching over me and need not be afraid of anything’

  114. Dear Marie,
    I watched your video its very great. I would love to watch a Free video
    with Master Nick Ortner on Tapping Solution Technique on your MarietV.
    Thanks,
    Neranja

  115. This video came at a great time for me. Busting my ass towards conquering my goals sometimes makes me feel like I’m not enough. I’m constantly striving to be THERE…ignoring my HERE. The older I get, the more I learn how important balance is in life. When I’m out of work/life balance, my stress levels run high, I’m not my best self, and I feel like I’m not enough.

    Thanks for discussing this today <3

  116. SusanInCA

    What’s ONE specific situation that stresses you out on a consistent basis?

    I am chronically-stressed over commitments I’ve made in my business and personal life. A simple, manageable request is made. I agree, add it to my to-do list, and immediately feel the stress kick in.

    Negative impact: The primitive urge to avoid stress (danger! danger!) manifests as procrastination, broken promises, the shame of letting others down, and so on.

    And — what would change if you no longer allowed that situation to stress you out?
    I would be able to redirect my energy toward resolving the over-commitment, and I’m sure that would shorten the delay between promise and delivery, and (perhaps gradually) I would change my ways and deliver more than what I promise.

    This exercise has been especially helpful. Love and Thanks!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I SO hear you, SusanInCA — I tend to over-commit too. Mare did an episode about that a while back, and I thought I might share that one since it helped me out of a few sticky situations: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/05/backing-out-gracefully/

      So glad this week’s episode was helpful!

  117. Dear Marie
    Our big stress factor that is at times “stressful” is staff and this unique culture of trying to understand the millennials and learning to speak their language in the workplace. Trying to grasp how to motivate and keep them inspired and engaged and loving their position is one of the big stresses in my life and in my workplace.For example, I allowed one request to have all Sundays off for one staff member and was unable to allow another staff the same request at this time, and still they both gave their two weeks notice.
    What do millennials want?
    Keeps me stressed- until today when I heard you say “isness is my buisness”
    Thanks for keeping it real and genuine!
    (I can hook you up with that vanilla cupcake you ran towards in the lunch room anytime since we were voted the most retro-delicious cupcake in Canada by the National Post!)
    Tracy

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Oooh, congratulations on the most retro-delicious cupcake in Canada, Tracy. I didn’t know there was such a thing, and that’s amazing!!

      Thanks so much for tuning in this week 🙂

  118. I find I even get stressed about the LONG line of comments before mine…ha, ha!
    As of late, my daughter’s current situation stresses me out and sends me into I’m-so-far-away overload. What can I do about it? NADA. So, deep breaths, watch an inspirational Marie tv, and make a quick call of support to say I Love You!
    Done.

  119. Briony

    Oh. My. Goodness. Literally any time I don’t want to be in the here and now, I malfunction. I like being in control of my life and initiating change (any change!) when I’m not happy in my current situation. If making the change is outside my control, then I shut down and become depressed. We’re in the process of moving house and it’s taking so long. So I’ve become a sulking teenager about it! Thanks Marie for showing me this isn’t helping me or the situation one bit! I’m going to try and look for ways to make the most of the situation, even if it is just doing a “car dance”!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Yes! Do that car dance, Briony — it helps so much. Best wishes that your move will get going soon!

  120. Peta-Ann

    Wow. Based on the massive, toxic load of stress (and stress-induced chronic insomnia and depression) that came with my college experience, I suppose my brain is walnut-sized by now. O__O I don’t suppose it can be reversed?

    Since of late, I’ve been following John C. Maxwell’s advice and focusing on the process of my journey rather than on the outcome. Focusing on the outcome leads to “Why am I not there yet? What’s wrong with me?!” which only pours on more stress and anxiety and leaves me frozen in place. Not to mention soaking in self-loathing and despair.

    Another thing I’ve been implementing is shutting down the anxious, self-flagellating thoughts as soon as (or almost as soon as) they emerge by mentally repeating certain phrases. E.g. “you don’t really feel this way about yourself. You’re just having a rough time right now, and this too shall pass. Chin up.”/

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Peta-Ann, my heart totally goes out to you, since you could absolutely be writing my story too. I do absolutely believe it can be reversed — the way I look at it is a little bit like how sometimes you wake up one day and realize you’re not in as good shape physically as you’d like, so you start getting to work again. It might be a bit challenging to change habits at first, but once you get rolling, it’ll get easier and easier.

      That and my college experience was a stressed mess at times too and I’m SO much less stressed out now, so I’m speaking from personal experience that you can stretch your brain back out again. 🙂

      The first thing that came to mind while I was reading your comment was something the author Ann Patchett shared on Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast, Magic Lessons. She was sharing advice for a musician who hadn’t been writing music and said (paraphrasing), “don’t let NOT writing music be one more thing that you use to beat yourself up.” Or in this case, don’t let past stress be one more thing to beat yourself up over now. I loved that and thought I might share it in case it’s helpful!

      It sounds like you’re doing great work by focusing on the journey rather than the outcomes, and I’m sure that will help a ton. In addition to taking on that focus on the journey myself, the two things that have helped me tremendously in overcoming stress/self-flagellating are meditating and writing daily (like Julia Cameron suggests with her Morning Pages http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/).

      Marie has a similar set of tools she uses daily to help prevent stress, and you can hear her talk about that here: http://marieforleo.com/2011/06/deal-with-stress/

      I hope that helps, and we’re sending lots of Team Forleo love your way!

      • Peta-Ann

        Thanks for your tips, Caroline! I’ll look into them right away.

        Wow, Team Forleo is so helpful. =D

  121. Kim

    Thanks Marie & Team for the video and research! It’s a keepsake! Not only does stress shrink your brain but sadly in my case make you put on 20 kgs in 12 months! My consistent stress is my family. We have different value systems – diametrically opposite and I feel that I’m consistently having to compromise mine. Plus people don’t want to be your friend when you’re stressed so it’s been a lonely fat path, especially the last 12 months! I would have had a 6 packs if I had only been car dancing instead of absorbing everyone else’s problems. I tend to lose a lot of weight naturally when I’m far removed from my family (I live in the same town as them) and their problems so I’m booking an overseas trip next year and will do more car dancing til then!

  122. Brett Traudt

    Thank you for such a great episode Marie and Team. I’ve been researching stress and work life balance lately. When it comes right down to it, I believe stress (the bad kind) is the number one cause of most people’s problems and it affects every area of their life leaving them feeling out of balance. I recently decided to look up what the word balance actually means. Of course it means what we think it means, but did you know balance also means making sound judgement and achieving mental and emotional stability?

    Working in a fast pace corporate environment, I used to get stressed out because of all the demands, which one can hardly keep up with all of them. For expample, we would set one or two goals, but then underneath those goals, there were many more. It would get too overwhelming. What I did was to spend as little as 5 minutes outside just being aware of my surroundings and quieting my mind. I call it 5 Minutes of Sunshine.

    Do I still experience stress… of course! But sometimes you just need to break away from what I like to call your electrical paradise and be in a place that helps to quiet all the noise in our life. It’s changed how I experience stress and I’m sure can help your audience.

  123. Korey

    I am interested in reading the University of California Barkley study mentioned in the viedo, so I am wondering if you can help point me in the right direction to find it.

    Thank you so much!

  124. I love this video Marie.

    I gave up stress a long time ago.

    I have two wild boys (nearly feral) and if I stressed out every time they broke something, through something or jumped off of something I would practically be stressed all day everyday.

    This attitude has REALLY helped me in my business to.

    I agree, you can’t change what is. I choose to act… not to worry.

    Thanks Marie

    Naomi

  125. Anne-Sophie

    Thanks for this stellar episode, Marie. This is super timely for me, as well (I’ve noticed lots of other folks comment on that, too!). Just a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with (somewhat dormant) lupus. (It was actually hard for me to type that out because I’m still coming to terms with it). I’ve always been a stress-out-er, so my immediate reaction to the news was: omgomgomgomgomgomgomg aghhhhhhh! It turns out, stress can activate lupus or worsen the symptoms, so a stress-free lifestyle is all-the-more important! I tend to stress out about my future (am I on the right path? what do I do next?!), my relationship with my partner (how can I make it better?!), checking things off my to-do list (laundry, groceries, making time to see friends), and, not surprisingly, my health (did I get enough sleep?!). Not a small list. I’ve been working on reminding myself to trust myself AND the universe: I’m making the right decisions, everything will always work out. This is-ness business is also a great mantra I’m going to add to my repertoire. I had a moment watching the video, “I have lupus. That just IS. Can’t do anything about it, so might as well take action to make sure I’m taking care of myself however I can, and then keep living life.”. This will take repeating and reminding, but it’s very powerful. Thank you so much for the guidance, Marie & Team Forleo, and thanks to everyone who commented – pretty inspiring stuff going on in this community. <3

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Anne-Sophie, I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Your outlook on how to take care of yourself is incredible, though. Keep the stress as low as possible and know we’re sending you lots of wellbeing vibes!

  126. Making isness my business is the name of my game! Thanks Marie! Time to go be an adult and car dance…. 🙂

  127. Kate

    For me the chronic stressor is my unfinished home. It drove me so crazy I was physically impacted – numbness in hands and arms – to the point I couldn’t even hold my glass or hold a pen long enough to write a check.

    I came to terms with the situation. Accepted the isness and moved to a better place. And while I got my mobility back (and a better attitude) things in my home didn’t change. My house is still not finished (years later) and there is no change to this in sight. I have even toyed with leaving my husband – but I don’t really want to do that – I just want my house finished (for example, I have no indoor shower/bathtub, and while I love my outdoor shower in warmer weather as winter approaches, once again, I am feeling the stress move in.)

    What is the balance between accepting isness and getting what I want?

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Kate, that’s a great question and it might not have such a straightforward answer. One my of favorite bits of Marie advice is, “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.” I think this piece of wisdom can apply here, too. You’re doing an amazing job with the is-ness part, I wonder if you can now take small actions that might help you get what you want and find more clarity on how to get there.

      I sincerely hope your house gets finished soon so you’re not impacted again by that level of stress!

    • Lynn Cook

      Hi Kate,

      Snap! I have a very similar stressor – my stress levels rise when I’m talking to my partner about our unfinished house. I tried ignoring it but, unsurprisingly, that didn’t help. My new strategy is to list tasks that can be done with the resources that we’ve got, on our free weekends up to the end of the year. Then discuss the list with my partner, and get some agreement and action on what we are doing, and when we are doing it.

      re: your bathroom – my partner was talking about doing without hot water for a while but I said that was unacceptable and that hot water was a priority for me. I suggest putting your needs on the table and seeing if the order of work can be organised around what your priorities are.

      Best wishes,

      Lynn

  128. frances

    Oh Marie, you are such a breath of fresh air!
    I get myself soooo stressed out over everything. My brain must be the size of a raison already. What you say just rings so true. Watching your video gave me a good jolt so yes, I’m going to “is” , be reactive when I can & when I can’t, car dance.
    Thankyou.
    Frances

  129. Taneane

    I love watching your video’s and I always learn so much. I totally agree with you about stress and it’s bad affects on your health and brain but what if it’s stress about your kids???? My son is 8 and has horrible anxiety and I just don’t know what to do about it! I just can’t do a “Car dance” about this one 🙁 I know you don’t work with kids. lol, but do you have any suggestions for a desperate mom?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so sorry to hear about your son’s anxiety. It’s so hard when you’re watching your kids experience a lot of stress! If his anxiety is severe, it may be best to seek professional medical help, though it can also be helpful to start some wellness practices with him at a young age. I’m thinking back to this episode of MarieTV (http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/09/stress-log/) where she talks about using a Stress Log. This is a practice we use on our team and it really does help! Working with him on identifying his stresses, writing them down, and brainstorming what can be done about them may be super helpful for him (and you too since I know him being anxious puts stress on you). We’re sending lots of love your way during this challenging time. <3

  130. Ruby

    I love your video! Currently I’m stressed about finding jobs. But I’m so nervous and scared about the interview. So I’m kind of like running away from this problem so I did not apply for the job that much. but I really need to find a job. So I’m kind of stuck here. However after watching this video I decided to take actions. That’s the only way to get there.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad this video inspired you to take action! I know searching for jobs and going on interviews is a scary and anxiety-inducing process, so we’re sending you lots of love and positive vibes. You got this!

  131. Ulla Shake

    I knew stress made your hair fall out but had no clue that is could shrink your brain like that! Loved the content of the video and the funny way that you told us about the dangers of how our brain can turn into a raisin 😉

  132. Hi Marie… You’re a bloody angel!
    For the last year, I’ve been extremely agitated, moody, short tempered & snapping @ people. The fall out from a relationship break down over 6 years ago! My current employment situation of 12 years which, has hit critical mass. Resulting in the desperation to get out & move on. To give you an idea of the people I’m around… back in July, I went to Paris to see Fabienne Fredrickson of the client attraction business school & made the mistake of telling people. Well, they just don’t understand people like her or you Marie, just don’t get it. Anyway, I recently upset someone badly & after seeing your recent video on “How To Keep Stress From Shrivelling Your Brain Into A Raisin”, you’ve sort of diagnosed my problem? My symptoms & behaviour weren’t actually depression or anything like that but rather… down to chronic stress, which has gone on for many many years. Not happy with my situation, frustrated, knowing you could be achieving so much more with your life & want to. But constantly getting stressed out to the point where you are in a constant loop & it’s just become a really bad habit. Wishing people & situations would change. I really don’t know how it’s happened but I now realise through your video that it’s only ever hurt me & really messed up my head. Did you understand any of that? I love your Tuesday q & a because you’re always just bang on the money. Whereas, other sources of information such as magazines newspapers or whatever, it’s just general non specific rubbish. Who writes that crap! Well thanks a million Marie, you’ve certainly opened my eyes & made me realise that I have to chill out & just get on with what I need to do to get where I want to be. You’re a darling!

  133. Sometimes a bit of stress just gets me into working better, rather than harder, it’s good to hear this addressed! That ‘super stress’ will just dumb you down and all that cortisol, I think it gives you belly fat too, argh!
    I guess if we can’t ‘control’ a situation, it’s good to just let it go!
    Thanks Marie! Love your videos :0)

  134. Maria

    Hi Marie,
    I have no hair due to my hyperthyroidism condition and it’s lead to developing alopecia a condition that affects the growth of hair particles. I’ve tried everything, including injections. For the last 10 years I’ve resorted to wearing wigs, which at times are great and have made me feel good about myself. Key word “sometimes”. I’m always in the “I wish I was there instead of here” mode especially when people come up to me and say “Hey, why are you wearing a wig? You’re Latina right?” “You should not be having this issue.” Ignorant a!&*#!*%holes.

    For the most part I’m bubbly, kind and funny (like you lol) and this issue unfortunately stresses me. I do not know how to move on. I do not want anymore injections administered on my head (it hurts, ouch!!!).

    I do not know how to keep it moving. I want to enjoy life more.Can you help me? You know a lot about a lot of things maybe you can guide me in overcoming this issue or know someone who has had this same experience.

    Sincerely,
    Maria
    PS – I do not have a good bald-head.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Hi Maria. Thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us. I’m so sorry to hear your hyperthyroidism has led to alopecia! One of my good friends has alopecia, so I know it can be a stressful thing. We’re sending lots of love your way during this challenging time.

      Marie has some videos on how to overcome insecurity and self-doubt that I think you’ll find really inspiring. Check those out http://www.marieforleo.com/2011/01/insecurity-self-doubt/ and http://www.marieforleo.com/resources/overcome/

      No matter what, you’re beautiful inside and out, so don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. <3

    • Maria, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and Graves’ Disease in 2000. I lost some hair too. I did try an alternative route to having my thyroid removed by working with a holistic doctor. I also went through a stem cell procedure over 4 yrs ago for another autoimmune condition and part of that process was chemo and I lost all of my hair. Not shaving was pretty fabulous and getting ready was super fast. ;o) But I do understand that as a woman to go through losing your hair, does mess with you because I experienced that too. I reminded myself that people are drawn to my light and kindness – basically the things that don’t change – hair or no hair. You sound like a fun and great person to be around. Wigs are fun, you can have a new hair style all the time. I had 2 styles but mostly sported my bald head. Some people that make insensitive remarks don’t fully understand what your experience is but don’t allow that to make you feel bad or less than. Maybe you could teach them some empathy or explain how that is something that is sensitive to you? Do some research to see if there are some healthy alternatives to help you. By accepting isness doesn’t mean that we don’t do what we can to take inspired action to help ourselves, it’s just that our thoughts about certain things can make us suffer more. Suffering more doesn’t help or change the situation, sometimes stress can actually make matters worse. Remember how powerful you are and see what ways you can help yourself through this. Wishing you all the best!

  135. Great topic and very close to home. The fix makes sense but is easier said than done. Stress is no joke, geeze… not only does it make you stupid but it will make you fat and sick to boot! Lord help me! =)

  136. Hi Marie,
    First of all, I love your style – you give great messages with a sassy & fun twist. What I find myself stressing about the most is my health. I was sick from 2007-2012 straight. It was quite an ordeal but I grew SO much! I had a stem cell transplant with my own stem cells and I am in such a better place than before in every way – spiritually, physically, & emotionally. However, when I have possible signs of the illness returning – I stress. Recently, I had some similar symptoms & started spiraling into fear that I might be having a relapse but caught myself and accepted “what is”, focused on what I could control by working with the pain and taking care of my body with all the natural things I know to do. Two days later all the symptoms have subsided & are almost gone again. Most of us are aware of the damage stress can cause especially if you are already dealing with health issues. I believe that mind-set plays a major part in your healing & recovery. This recent experience has been another wonderful lesson & your message is a beautiful reminder with a great catch phrase of “isness is my business”. Love & Blessings to you!

  137. Loved this. Stress is my silent stalker! Wishing something isn’t what it is while it is..whew, that spoke to me! Specifically what gets me these days, is the roller coaster of the entrepreneurial journey. Having to put yourself out there, be the visionary, “keep the lights on” and keep all the plates spinning at once is what can get the best of me on days that I don’t watch it. Dancing is my antecdote too aaaand maybe singing (terribly) at the top of my lungs. Getting out in nature also can bring me back from completely spinning out of control. Now I can totally justify my musical breaks are literally saving my life and my brain power. As always, thanks Marie!

  138. Kell

    I hate to say this as an adult, but I stress way too much about what others think of me. Was I rude when I said that? Am I too soft? Did that sound stupid? Do I have a RBF? Do I come off as fake? I have no reason to think others have issues with me, but I have a constant insecurity that they do. Then I overthink the situation and use up precious brain space! If I could let those worries go, consistently, my brain could focus more on parts of life that actually matter.

  139. Alexandra

    Great video.
    Situations that constantly stress me out are studying for tests/ exams at grad school. I know its silly to stress, but I do it anyway. It causes me to be unfocused, procrastinate and dread school (when I actually really like learning!). If I no longer stressed, I’m sure I would be a more productive student, have more free time to do things I enjoy and I’d smile more (and according to the new research you mentioned, I might even get better grades).
    Seems so silly to write these things down, because the answer is so simple: don’t stress. I find I have to catch myself very early on on the “stress cycle” to stop it from spiraling out of control. Here’s to nipping those stressful thoughts in the bud and becoming a stress-less student.
    Thanks Marie,
    Alex

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, Alex! It definitely takes practice, and paying attention to those moments when we let our brains default to the stressed out response. The Stress Log trick really works though, and will help you pin point what things, as a student, are perpetually feeling stressful and give you the opportunity for doing something about it.

      Hope you you have a stress-less week! 🙂

  140. Sara Adams

    Marie – have you heard of Lynn Lyons? She is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist that specializes in helping families with worry.

    Whether you call it worry, anxiety, or stress, at its most basic level, it’s that trigger of cortisol. Lynn has changed the way my family (and even some friends) manage that anxiety. Her approach is SO simple and yet remarkably effective. She would make an amazing guest on your show!

    -Sara

  141. Oh my. My brain is shrinking! LOL

    For most of my life, I was a Super Type A Perfectionist. I was a nationally competitive gymnast, so I was always told to strive for that elusive Perfect 10.0. Since being perfect is impossible, every single day, we were technically failing … and I learned this from quite a young age.

    I brought that with me through law school … the perfect place for a Type A person. And apparently the perfect place to destroy your hippocampus!

    No longer focusing on perfection would (and recently has) make me feel so much calmer. I would then have more energy and bandwidth to focus on delivering and serving.

    Here’s to more “isness” 🙂

    xo

  142. Joe

    My first understanding of stress was that it was actually “harmful” to your health, sort of like hitting the Turbo Booster button all the time, when in reality, it is only supposed to be that extra tiny spurt of extra energy to prevent you from getting eaten by a tiger or mauled by a bear. This was very well presented. Thanks!

  143. I’m 52 years old and recently realized I’d turned a corner in my personal relationships life. And (sadly) I don’t mean love interests. I remember years ago, I had an assistant who worked in my classroom. He was older than me and seemed to always be gone; at a funeral, with a sick relative, or some other emergency. I thought he was making it up. But guess what? That’s me now!

    My parents are in their 80’s and 90’s. My sweet auntie has dementia. My friends are in and out of the hospital and some have serious health issues. Now, I’m not saying all of my family and friends are ill, but I am saying that this is a huge change for me. And on the other end, I’m the grandma of a 2-year old. I feel torn in all directions all the time. When people say to “just” set priorities, I want to laugh a big, ugly sarcastic laugh 1-inch from their face. I know…not nice! I want to say, “So, help me prioritize this; my mother is blind and needs to see a doctor who might be able to restore her sight. My auntie has fallen again and her in-home care doesn’t seem sufficient.” Sometimes it’s impossible to not feel torn, to not feel stress – or to put a positive spin on life’s challenges.

    It’s ironic that it’s my 86-year old, legally blind mother who has taught me what to do in situations like this. She’s said it and lived it all my life. She says, “It’s only a season.” Seasons come and go. Just when we know we can’t take another frigid winter day, the air warms and crocus poke their heads out of the ground. Those four words, it’s only a season, have changed my perspective in numerous situations over the years. Troubles don’t last forever. They get better, or they change. The problem is that when I’m in the middle of the problem, and it’s lasted days or weeks – I’m convinced that this one problem is the one that will last forever. I can’t see past the end of my nose. Reminding myself that, “It’s only a season” allows me to keep moving forward, keep taking the steps I need to. It also helps me to live in the moment, in the day – to take that time for myself too – whether it’s a walk around the block or a bubble bath. Thanks Mama!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Karen, your mother sounds truly amazing. So sorry to hear about your aunt as well. It’s so hard when loved ones age. I can tell you’re a beautiful light in both of their lives – don’t forget that! xo

  144. Chanda

    Rock on, Marie. I love “make isness your business.” This is the essence of the yoga that I study, practice and teach! Love that you are teaching this in a business way. I’m wondering if you could share the reference to the study you mention in your video? It would be helpful for my research too. Thanks!

  145. Gail

    Holy brain shrinkage! I’m in my fifties and I fear a great deal of damage has already been done. I know how to break this cycle, but is it reversible? Does anyone know? Great episode. Love the ‘tweetable’ thanks Marie!

  146. christina

    Loved this video. I heard something the other day that “what you are stressing out about, someone else is breathing through”. Helped me understand that stress usually isn’t worth it.

  147. Hey amazing video. It totally explains us not to stress out for silly things. I loved it. I watched it over and over again. Looking forward for more such fabulous videos.
    Thanks.

  148. Norton

    Hello
    Well, I am 30 years old and I am quite stressed out. I tell you my story:
    I am an avid lover of women, and I am very good at impressing them also if I am being myself. Now, “Being Myself” is a problem, my parents have forced me always to be no. 1 so I have always focused more on pushing someone behind than pushing myself forward. That has altered my way of approach so I end up getting angry with a woman for say talking to other guy etc. because now, I cannot push someone behind. I have an amazing sense of humor and have girls fall in love with me if I chat online with them but in real life, I am very timid. I won’t go on stage myself, but if someone invites me, I can make people laugh so very much because there is no expectation, but if I am requested to repeat that, I have a panic attack. Now, I feel I am not being loved and that causes a stress further, I believe I am in a loop where one situation is exacerbating other and vice versa. I constantly think about impressing women, and there is so much talk going inside my head every time. How to come out of this?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Norton, thank you for sharing your question with us, and I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling stressed out. We all have that negative self-talk in our heads and it can be a huge source of stress, so I know you’re not alone there.

      While I was reading your comment, a couple episodes popped to mind that might be helpful. They’re not about relationships specifically, but they have some strategies you might find helpful for confidence and dealing with stress:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/10/stop-self-sabotage/
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/09/stress-log/

      I hope that helps, and thanks again for watching this episode!

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