Could that be the intro? Amy writes, “First of all, I love you and B-School and it’s helped me in ways that I didn’t even imagine, so thank you.” You’re welcome, Amy. “I’ve been working really hard on my business, but I’m getting pushback from the hubs. He says that he supports my work, but complains when I spend too much time on the computer. I’ve tried to explain what I’m working towards, but it’s not helping. I need your awesome Marie insight. What can I do?”
Great question, Amy, as this is a growing and serious issue that so many business owners, including myself, can relate to, because when you’re super passionate about work and you love what you do, you want to do it all the time. I feel you girl. I can tell you from experience that too much time on the computer can completely destroy your relationship. And here’s the thing. An f’ed up personal life can have a huge negative impact on your business. What you need girl is to have some systems in place so your husband gets the attention that he needs, and you don’t turn into a burnt out workaholic.
Here are three things I recommend. Number one, my “ain’t no half stepping” technique. This is inspired by the B-I-G D-A-D-D-Y K-A-N-E. Here’s what this means. When your man needs attention, give him your full attention. That means don’t half listen or half check your email. Even if it’s just two minutes, stop what you’re doing and give it to him fully. Yeah. Give it to him. On the other hand, if you’re in the middle of something and you can’t take a break, say so, nicely. Tell him you need X amount of time to finish what you’re working on, then he gets your full attention. So you’re either fully focused on work, or you’re fully focused on him. Ain’t no half stepping.
Number two. The “that’s what’s up” session. You have to keep your man in the loop on your projects, plus you got to stay up to date on his schedule. Every day, have a “that’s what’s up” session to fill each other in on what’s happening in your life. So meetings, projects, things that are going on, anything that’s happening during your week.
For example, say every night, you’re usually done with work by 6:00 PM, but this week you’re launching a new website on Thursday. That means Wednesday night, your ass is going to be up late and you know it. If he knows what to expect, he can support you. He can make plans with his friends to go out or simply not get upset on Wednesday night when you’re still banging away on your keyboard at midnight. You’d be surprised what a little advanced notice can do for your relationship.
Number three, my favorite. Hip hop Shabbat. In the Jewish tradition, Shabbat is the Sabbath, the day of rest. You’re not supposed to do things like work, drive, or use electricity. If you want to get biblical about it, there’s actually 39 things you should not be doing, including plowing, grinding, kneading, weeding, tying, undying, slaughtering, curing, preserving, writing, erasing, flaying, smoothing, dying, shearing, winnowing, transferring domains, and more.
But my version is called hip hop Shabbat, and here’s how it works. You choose one day a week with your hub, say Saturday or Sunday, that you’re both not going to work and you’re not going to diddle around on your cell phone or your computer. That means no tweeting, Facebooking, YouTubing, texting, marketing, Instagramming, just answering this one emailing. Computers and cell phones are totally off limits except for emergency family calls or making dinner reservations.
The whole point of the day is to spend quality time together. It’s about having fun and talking and really just being connected and giving each other your full undivided attention. It doesn’t matter what you actually do during that time. You can watch movies, cook meals, go on adventures. Whatevs. The key here is to make sure that you guys have hip hop Shabbat at least one day a week.
Hip hop Shabbat is rabbi approved.
Amy, that is my A to your Q. Hope you enjoyed it. As always, make sure you implement and let me know how it goes. Now, what say you? Have any effective systems for curbing your workaholism? Does your husband or your wife or your partner ever complain you spend too much time on the computer? If so, leave a comment below and let me know.
If you like this video, please subscribe to my channel and pass it along to your friends. If you want even more great resources to kick ass in business and life, because I know you do, come on over to marieforleo.com and sign up for email updates. Thank you so much for watching, and I will catch you next time.
This is the best day ever.