Is it Time to Move On? How to Know What’s Next

Marie Forleo:

For most of us, there becomes this moment of transition. It's like a different season is arriving. We're not who we were in the past, but we're still not who we know we're becoming. And so there's this gap. And the gap, for most of us, is fricking terrifying.

Hey, what's up? It's Marie Forleo. And welcome to another episode of The Marie Forleo Podcast and MarieTV, the very best place to be if you want to create a business in life you love, which I think you do. This is Q and A Tuesday, and our question today comes from Kay.

Kay:

I've been having these feelings for a few years now, but it's getting stronger and stronger as the years roll on. It's becoming somewhat of a drain sometimes to go to work. I do a lot of things. I'm mother, wife, do a nine to five. The list goes on, children's book author.

Sometimes I wonder if it's time. How do you keep going when everything seems to be falling apart around you, including the course itself that you thought you were so committed to, perhaps a few months prior or a few years before. You felt so committed to it. And sometimes you just want to lie down in bed and just not move. So that's the first part.

I suppose the next part, you could do it as a two-part, would be when do you know it's perhaps time to move on? And even if you decide to move on, move on to what? How do you know you're not making a grave mistake, for example? Yeah.

Marie Forleo:

Yes. Yes. I love this question, Kay. And I'm so excited to talk to you about this because I think that, myself included, I'm someone who can talk a lot about the power of consistency and going for it and not giving up on your dreams. And, that is appropriate for some stages of life, and there's also another side that we don't get a chance to talk about enough, but I get a chance to talk about it with you today.

So couple of clues that you gave me in your question. When you're starting to feel super exhausted, and it's like you just want to stay in bed, and you can almost feel everything is like, "Oh, God, not another day."

Here's something that I've learned in my life, and I'm curious if this resonates as truth for you. I had so much conditioning in my own life from society, probably from things that I've read, things that I've absorbed, things that I've witnessed, where it was like, "You can't ever stop. You can't ever take a break. And if you stop or take a break, you're weak. You're giving up on your dreams. You're not going for it. You're not strong." And that's the thing that I've always wanted to be was strong and to be that person.

And here's something really cool that I learned, that has actually made a huge difference for me, was that when I'm really, really tired and exhausted, it is a clue that I need to rest and that there is incredible power in a pause, a longer pause than my egoic mind wants to think I need. And sometimes we're at a stage in our life, Kay, where who we've been, who has been amazing reaching for those dreams, the family, the kids, having the job, doing the children's book, all the things, those were genuine expressions of your heart and things that you wanted to bring to life because you did. That's how we know. You have them.

And then, for most of us, there becomes this moment of transition. It's like a different season is arriving. We're not who we were in the past, but we're still not who we know we're becoming. And so there's this gap. And the gap, for most of us, is fricking terrifying. Right? And we're fricking tired-

... and we don't have the energy that we used to. And some of us are afraid that if we slow down or make a big change right now, we're going to F everything up and be like, "Oh, my gosh. I blew up my... What the hell was I thinking?"

So there's a few things. One, it's very possible, and I want you to think about this and chew on this and sleep on it a little bit, you may be, may be so exhausted from pushing yourself for so long that you're either on the edge of burnout or you've tipped over, and you really do need a reset. You need to give yourself permission to just stop, doing the bare minimum.

I'm talking about eating healthy food, getting more sleep probably than you've ever slept in your life because you just friggin’ need it, not pushing yourself to do 7,000 things other than the basics, recruiting your family to help out and do a lot more, and just say, "Mama needs a break. Y'all need to step up a little bit." Or it's just not going to get cleaned, and you don't beat yourself up that there's dust bunnies in the corner, or this one's crying for this. You go, "You're adult now. You can figure it out." Does that make sense?

Kay:

Makes perfect sense.

Marie Forleo:

Yes. And for most of us ambitious, creative, driven beings, again, holding my hand up for this, Type A, this is the hardest thing for us because our egos are like, "No. You're going to ruin everything." But if you've noticed, your body is like, "I can't do it right now. I can't do it right now." That's level one, and I want to just invite you to consider how would that feel? Not your head, I'm talking about your heart-

Kay:

Heart.

Marie Forleo:

... and your soul and your vessel, if you actually gave yourself permission to rest? How would that feel, Kay? Would it be like...

Kay:

It would feel great.

Marie Forleo:

Yes. So my first homework... See how much joy comes out? I felt that way too. I was like, "Is that even allowed?"

Kay:

Yeah, I know.

Marie Forleo:

"Is someone going to come arrest me?"

Kay:

I wonder if the family will get the memo that I'm resting.

Marie Forleo:

That's what I'm saying. I was like, "Is the ambition police going to come and take me away?" Do you know? Because I'm like, do you know if she gave up or something?

So that's my first piece of homework for you is just to really take a look hardcore at the things that you have set up that you can unset up, the things that you can either delegate, you can let go of, that you can stop working on just for a little bit, even if it's like two months or three months. You're like, "This is just on pause. I'm not giving it up forever." Yes, you got to have your nine to five. All of us, we make that living. That's great. But it's like you don't have to do that right now.

The reason I'm saying I want you to do this and take this rest first is because... Here's another big lesson I learned. Never, ever, if you can help it, make huge life decisions when you are exhausted, burned out, or upset and lost. Just don't do it.

Kay:

Yes.

Marie Forleo:

Just don't do it because we're not grounded. Most of us, we can't see clearly. It's almost like we're in a fog or we've been through a storm and there's mud on our windshield. There's just so much crud, and we're not seeing clearly.

But if you just give yourself a little bit of time and space to rest, it's all going to come back to you. And you're going to know exactly whether it's like, "Oh, wait. This nine to five job, wait, there's actually things that I can do to make this thing a beautiful expression," or, "I'm complete here, and I feel absolutely certain about that." You're not going to be afraid that you're making the biggest mistake of your life, or something else is going to come along because you had the wisdom to listen to your soul and your higher self, not your ego.

Kay:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Marie Forleo:

Does that make sense?

Kay:

Makes sense. Perfect sense.

Marie Forleo:

So that was part one.

Kay:

Yes.

Marie Forleo:

That was the thing that I really wanted to say to you because your next chapter is coming, but it's not here yet. And I always like to use this analogy because it's a beautiful analogy, and it's very, very true. It's like when you've had a big burst, which you've had for the past couple of years.

It's like, do you know how when flowers, especially here in spring in New York City... like my tulips, they're like, they had their moment. The daffodils had their moment, and now they're like, "Okay, we're done." So they fall to the ground, and then they have this moment, these months where they have to then be still because they're not going to rise again. They're not going to have another bloom for a bit.

But for us as humans, that be still and that refertilization and that going back in so that we can create something new, for people like us, this is the hardest. But your question and your energy tells me that's where you are right now, so I just need you to honor that and not fight it, because it'll make it take longer and it'll be more painful.

And then the second thing I wanted to say to you, just as a human, that one of the things I had to discover, rediscover during when this started happening for me, I had to take a closer look at my health. I don't know if you've done this recently or if you have access to this, but getting any type of blood work done, or even just, in all honesty, being real simple with yourself, like, "What's the nutrition I'm putting in my body? Is it working for me? Am I moving this physical body enough?" Do you know what I...

Kay:

Mm-hmm.

Marie Forleo:

"Am I doing things that really will help this vessel give birth to my next chapter in a way that is really clear and powerful for me?"

Because at least in my case, I didn't realize that there were things that were cool for me in my childhood, teens and early twenties that, then, it's like, oh, I hit the forties, it's like, "Nope, no good for you anymore, mama."

Kay:

No.

Marie Forleo:

Okay. Okay. Am I right? But it's like, we're habitual creatures by nature, so we want to keep doing the same that we have done for the other decades. And it's like, "No, no, no, girl."

Kay:

It's not working.

Marie Forleo:

You need a whole new game plan for this one, for what's coming up next.

So if any of that resonates for you, that's another great area to look at in this period of rest where you're like, "what does my body crave now? What's going to be really nutritious and powerful and nourishing for me now? What's going to set me up to win and to have all of my incredible energy and clarity, and my mind, and my body, and my soul for who I am now?" Does that resonate?

Kay:

It makes perfect sense. I was forced, four years ago, to look at my health, not because I said, "Oh, let's go look at the health." I was hospitalized, so I had to look at my health.

And a lot of what you've said, it really does resonate because that's what I've been doing, but I just felt like I was doing the wrong thing. I'm supposed to be up. I'm supposed to be about. I'm supposed to be doing this. I'm supposed to be doing that. I'm not supposed to be trying to get no rest.

So I'm very glad you've said it, because I feel better, and I feel like I'm just not letting the days go by, like time is of the essence. That's pretty much, as you said, it is burnout. It is absolute burnout. That is exactly what it is.

Marie Forleo:

Yeah.

Kay:

Yep.

Marie Forleo:

And you have so much more creativity in you, and so much more life in you, and so many more things that are coming. It's like, think about these little seeds that are in your soul right now. They want to be nourished. And for them, the form of sunlight and the form of water is probably coming in the form of some rest and some peace.

Whereas, again, I'm speaking for myself too, when I'm the stress ball looking for like, "Well, what do I going to create next? And I have to do at the pace I was doing it," ba da da da da. It's like, that's a shitty environment for any seed to grow. Right? It's like, I'm destroying that seed. It's not going to grow there.

Kay:

Yep.

Marie Forleo:

So same thing, it's like, "Oh, what does that need?" And it could be about asking, and getting quiet, and getting still, or in meditation, or in prayer, asking like, "Oh, what do I really need right now?" And not listen to this thing, but listen to this thing, because that's the strongest part of you, Kay.

Kay:

Let me. Can I ask? How do you keep still? I've been still for a day, like, "Okay, it's been a day." Do I need to keep still for a day more?

Marie Forleo:

No. No. No, you don't. It's not even about stillness, per se, but I think... Let me ask you this question. Do you know the difference between when you're doing something restful and enjoying versus when you're stressing yourself out, trying to push yourself to a limit?

Kay:

Yeah, my-

Marie Forleo:

For example, do...

Kay:

Yeah, my body literally shuts itself down when I'm doing something stressful and pushing myself to the limit. It literally stops working.

Marie Forleo:

Correct. And what do you do? What's interesting to you right now, that's really fun and that you could do joyfully?

Kay:

Spend time with, unfortunately, my family. Not unfortunately, I was going to say that sometimes they can be a large part of the stress, but spending time with my family, moving, dancing, even just creating sometimes, even writing.

Marie Forleo:

Great.

Kay:

There's a long list I have, but sometimes... I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, "Okay," literally, like, "Okay."

Marie Forleo:

Yes. Pay attention to that. Track that. Let yourself do the things that are really joyful for you and fun. So if it's being with your family, great. If you need a break from them, great. We all do every once in a while, please. The dancing, all that stuff, and the writing and creating, not for any purpose.

And then I think it would be helpful too, for you, in all honesty, take this or leave it, but just tracking what's happening when you feel those times of like, "Oh, my god. I'm exhausted." What did you eat the last couple of days? What were you doing? Who were you interacting with? Because I've found that sometimes, for me, tracking some of those things really gives me some insight, like, "Oh, I was doing... This is not good for me anymore," but I didn't realize it.

And we don't know the time limit. I know part of it's like, "Well, how long do I need to..." It's not necessarily about being still. It's giving yourself permission to just be a lot easier on you than you have been before, getting in top healthful shape...

Kay:

Yes.

Marie Forleo:

... what that means for you now, and then praying and working on, "Okay, what's my next chapter?"

You're not going to be able to push this. It's not going to happen in a week, girl. You're going to have to give it a little bit more. But trust me when I say, when you honor the calling of your soul, even when it needs to be quiet and still a little bit, what's going to come forth from that is going to be way better than what your ego mind is trying to push forth right now, because that's old. That's the old you. You don't need that anymore.

Kay:

Yeah. Well, thank you.

Marie Forleo:

Cool?

Kay:

Thank you so much, Marie.

Marie Forleo:

Aw, keep me posted. I'm with you. There are many of us with you, by the way. And this is a beautiful period. I was saying to Greg, who's my hair magic guy, I was like, "Change is awesome in life, and transitions suck. They're really uncomfortable." They can be, really.

Kay:

Tell me about it.

Marie Forleo:

Do what I mean? They're frightening. They're panic-stricken. When we're in between chapters, it's really, really hard, but some of the most beautiful things come out of it. And being gentle with yourself during that transition time, it's key.

Kay:

Thank you. Yeah, it's a transition time. I like how you say it. It's a transition time, and I just need to be patient with the process.

Marie Forleo:

That's right. That's right.

Kay:

And know that it's a transition time, and just ride the course, ride the course.

Marie Forleo:

Ride the course, baby.

Kay:

Ride the course.

Marie Forleo:

You can't rush clarity, but it'll come to you, I promise, when you're gentle with you.

Thank you so much, Kay. You're fantastic. I appreciate your questions so much.

Kay:

Thank you, Marie.

Marie Forleo:

Come on. Wasn't Kay amazing? That was, honestly, one of my favorite conversations in a while. So I'm curious what insight or Aha was really meaningful for you out of that conversation. And the most important thing, you know it, how are you going to put that insight into action, starting right now? I want you to tell me in the comments below. It's really important.

And by the way, if you enjoyed this episode, hit that like button. Hit the subscribe button. Go do it right now. It is so meaningful and so important. Not only will you not miss out on any episodes coming up, but it really helps us reach more of our beautiful community. So thank you so much for that.

And until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world really does need that very special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for being here. Love you so much, and I'll see you soon.

Doing stuff non-stop is pretty much in my DNA. I mean, I’ve been working consistently since I was ten years old. Yes, I’ve taken vacations but this idea of completely closing down your entire company for an extended period of time, it was pretty radical. At least for me.