Not Sure Whether You Want Kids? Here's How I Decided

Hey there, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life that you really love. Now, if you ever feel like your life choices just go against the grain, I think this episode is for you.

Today’s question comes from Talia who writes: “Hi, Marie. I’m 32 years old and going through the whole ‘should I have kids’ conundrum. I always thought I would get married and be a mom, but the more I look at my heart the more unsure I am that this is the path for me. It’s not that I want to devote my whole life to my career, I just want to be brave enough to follow my own truth, whatever that might be. How did you navigate this decision? I’d love to know about the factors that shaped your choice and any insights you found. Thank you for all of your beautiful wisdom, Talia.”

Talia, thank you so much for this question. This is a topic that’s very near and dear to my heart. So, as you know, I don’t have biological kids, but I do have a stepson. You know, he came into my life when he was about 9 years old and he’s in his 20s now and he is amazing.

And I will say, I care deeply about moms and the kids in this world. I mean, I love my mom. I love the fact that she had me. I love the moms on my team and in our community, and, of course, I love their kids, too. Now, you asked how did I navigate this decision not to have biological kids of my own. And here’s my answer. Honestly, I didn’t navigate it. It was never really on the table for me. You know, it wasn’t something that I had to think about or wrestle with or ponder really ever.

You see, I run my life and my business by instinct, by my intuition, by that still, small voice that’s inside and paying attention to what I know to be true for me. So whenever I’ve wanted anything in my life – business-wise, health-wise, relationship-wise, creatively – I go after it and I do it. I just can’t stop myself.

And when it comes to having kids I’ve just always known since the time I was very little that this isn’t my path. Now, I can’t tell you how many people over the course of my adult life have tried to convince me that I’m making just the biggest mistake ever. I mean, they say things to me like this:

Marie, what a shame. You’d be such a great mom.

Yeah, you’ll change your mind. Just wait.

You’re gonna die alone. Who’s gonna take care of you?

Ooh, you’re gonna regret it.

But don’t you want a baby?

Don’t you want a baby?

No.

Don’t you want one?

No!

Don’t you want a baby?

Still no.

Don’t you want one?

I will tell you, I have heard all of these things and so much more. And you know what I say? I tell them, A, I have not regretted my decision yet and, B, I am the expert on my own life, thank you very much. You can sit down now. And, C, if at some point in the future I do want to have kids, you know what? I can figure that out. I mean, there’s adoption, there’s being a foster parent, there are so many options these days.

But what the real message of this video is, what I really wanted to say here, is that we have to make sure that every single woman knows that what she chooses to do with her body is her business. Which includes whether or not she chooses to have kids.

And, honestly, as a society I think we have to stop telling women what they can and can’t do with their lives and their relationships and their businesses and their bodies. And as women, we need to stop looking outside of ourselves for permission to live how we want to live.

Now, Talia, you’re smart enough to know that at your age you do not need to make this decision right at this very moment. And really, the best piece of advice that I can give you is to take the long view on your life.

So if you’re a fan of the show, then you probably already know this. There’s something I like to use called the 10 year test. and I always ask myself in 10 years from now will I regret not going for this thing, whatever that thing might be?

So here I would encourage you to take even a longer view out, like think further. So imagine yourself in 20 or 30 or 50 years into the future. How do you see yourself and your life? I mean, do you imagine yourself in your ideal future with kids or without kids? I want you to keep paying attention to what you see in your mind’s eye and in your heart and what you feel deep in your gut.

That is where your answer is going to come from. And I am 100% certain that no matter what you feel or see or however your life unfolds, you are gonna be brave enough to follow your own truth, whatever that might be.

That was my A to your Q, Talia, and I really do hope this helps. Now I would love to hear from all of you. Now, let me be clear. We do not want advice for Talia on whether or not she should have kids. We are not going there, people.

But here’s what I’m really curious about. Have you ever wrestled with a big life choice, because what you’re considering goes against the grain? Leave a comment below and let me know.

Now, as always, the richest conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so head on over there and leave a comment now. And once you’re there, if you’re not already, you need to hop on our list and become an MF Insider. You’re gonna get instant access to an audio I created called How To Get Anything You Want, and you’ll get some exclusive content, some little special giveaways, and some insights from me that I just don’t share anywhere else.

Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because the world needs that very special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching, and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

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