In this episode of MarieTV, we do have some adult language. So if you do have little ones around, grab your headphones now.
Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And this question gets straight to the point. And you know what? We’ve got some adult language coming up, so put on headphones if needed.
Today’s question comes from Safa who writes, “Dear, Marie. I’ve been following your work for quite a long time. I’m studying to become a doctor. Although I love my subjects very much, I’m battling with my two younger sisters. They’re incredibly narcissistic and self-involved. They don’t help around the house and instead make snide comments to my parents blaming them for their own failures. I don’t live with my family anymore, but visiting is very painful. What’s the secret to being bulletproof to assholes (sorry for the profanity) in your immediate family? Thanks, Safa.”
Safa, do not be sorry for the profanity. This, my friend, is a priceless question. I want you to know something: that I have not met anyone on the planet who hasn’t at some point done battle with someone in their family in some form or shape or fashion, especially their siblings.
Now, that said, I have three steps that I do believe can help.
Step number one, you gotta have some compassion, woman. Everything we do is either an act of love or a cry for help. You know, when we humans are in pain, whether that’s emotional pain or psychological pain or financial pain or even physical pain, we can all act like a-holes every once in a while. I mean, I’ve certainly done it. I’m sure you’ve done it. And it sounds like your sisters might be in the middle of something like that right now.
Now, whether you buy into this idea that everything is either an act of love or a cry for help or not, I found this concept to be extremely helpful. You know why? It helps me stay connected to my heart rather than getting all Jersey. Because, I’ve got to tell you, you do not want to mess with Jersey Marie.
Hey, I’m Jersey Marie. What? Wait, there’s assholes? Where they at? Let me talk to them. I got this.
Jersey Marie, we are all good, sweetheart. We have this under control. We are in a place of compassion now.
Compassion? Wait, what? I thought we were at the Bamboo Bar. This compassion place, they got a cover?
Sorry. She comes out sometimes.
And step number two, you need to opt out of this petty crap. So here’s what that means. One way of being bulletproof is to wear a bulletproof vest. The other is to get away from the damn bullets, my friend. Meaning you need to opt out of this drama, Safa. Stop going home to visit your parents. I mean, think about it. Just take them out to eat or have them over to your house. And when it comes to your sisters, you need to lay down the law. That’s called setting boundaries with a capital B. Now, either they start behaving like adults or you’re not gonna talk with them until they do. At least for the time being.
Look, my friend. You are responsible for the energy that you allow into your life. Yes, even from your family. Now, if you’re gonna pass these medical exams and you’re gonna become this incredibly heart-centered, strong, successful doctor, you’ve got to opt out of this petty BS. You’ve got to get unbelievably focused on your work and your life.
And finally, step number three, stop giving away your power. Am I right? Seriously, Safa. Why are you giving your whiny little sisters all this power to make you feel like crap? I mean, really, what have they accomplished? Are you really gonna care about what these little a-holes, as you call them, think or say about your life?
Now, clearly, of course, I’m poking a little fun here. They’re not a-holes. I know you love your sisters deep down. But the point is still relevant. Look, if you really want to go as far as you can possibly go in this life and enjoy it, you have got to stop caring about what other people think or say or do. And sometimes that includes your family.
Now, to be clear here, you can absolutely love and respect your parents, and you can love and respect your sisters from a little bit of a distance right now, and stay hyper focused on your goals. Don’t ever forget that you set the standard for what’s okay and what’s not okay in terms of how people behave around you.
Oh! What she’s trying to say is don’t take no shit from nobody. If they don’t shape up, you call me. I shape them up. No problem.
Don’t. Just trust me. Don’t call her.
And that was my A to your Q, Safa. I truly do hope it helps. And now I would love to hear from you. What’s an example of a really healthy boundary that you’ve had to set in your life? Whether that’s with a friend, that’s with a family member or a coworker – something that could really give some insight to Safa. Leave a comment below and let me know.
Now, as always, the best conversations happen over at the magical land of MarieForleo.com, so head on over there and leave a comment now. And while you are there, make sure you hop on our email list and become an MF Insider. You’re gonna get an exclusive audio I created called How To Get Anything You Want, plus some content and special giveaways and little insights from me that, frankly, I don’t share anywhere else.
Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time on MarieTV.
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I’m so ready, you guys. I was born ready.
I popped out going, “Can we roll?”
Clearly I’ve been caffeinated with Sunac coffee. Bodega coffee gets me fired up.
Wait, I love the no problem. That’s my dad says no problem. Wait, I gotta try one with that.
Listen, you guys. Jersey Marie, she’s a handful. Don’t call her unless you’re ready for it.
Oh, my God. Wait.