Marie Forleo introduction

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I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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That dreaded dinner table moment.

When cousin so-and-so says the thing that goes against your strongest values. Suddenly, instead of peacefully sipping your apple cider you feel springloaded to jump down his throat. But as my MarieTV guest Kirsten Powers says:

“You’re not going to solve the world’s problems over Thanksgiving dinner.”

So what should you do? Bite your tongue to “keep the peace”? Or speak up because it’s “the right thing to do”?

Kirsten Powers is here to help solve that dilemma for you. She’s a USA Today columnist, senior political analyst, and the author of Saving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Centered, and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You Nuts. After working for both CNN and Fox News, she’s used to being surrounded by people who passionately disagree. And she has good news for you and yours.

“You’re not going to solve the world’s problems over Thanksgiving dinner.” @KirstenPowers Click To Tweet

You can disagree vehemently, love them anyway, and have healthy conflict without ruining the holidays.

In this MarieTV, you’ll learn how to:

If you want more love and less friction at your next get-together, especially with people who push all your buttons, this episode is for you.

View Transcript

DIVE DEEPER: Learn three effective ways to opt out of family drama, plus my two magic words to “win” any argument, fast.

Now, I would love to hear from you.

What resonated with you most from this conversation? What ahas did this spark in you? And where can you have more grace for yourself and others?

Please share your biggest takeaway in a comment below.

And remember, we’re all growing, learning, and evolving. No one person has it all figured out. As Kirsten says, “Having grace means seeing the humanity and the wholeness of a person.” We’re all doing the best we can with the tools and understanding we currently have. 

I won’t lie and say it’s easy. But, it is possible — and I believe so so so important — to find a way to respect and maintain relationships with people who have different views.

A better world is worth it.

XO

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38 comments

  1. Robert Cyr

    Big takeaway for me is trying not to prejudge and bucketize the good and bad. Seek first to understand and don’t take it personal. Sometimes you can’t fix stupidity.

  2. What a fantastic conversation it makes you not only think about your own prospective on issue’s but how to just walk away from those toxic conversations that really mean nothing or just feeding into other’s negative attitude. A very thoughtful and enlightening interview with a lovely lady who has been through her own journey. Thank you Marie for once again bringing a much needed topic to be discussed.

  3. Kahla Bullemor

    The massive turning point in that conversation for me was seeing someone beyond their thought, belief etc.

    Also when you lose faith in humanity recall someone who you respect!!

    • Michelle May

      Kirsten is refreshingly funny. There are so many things in my head that she was saying here & I had to laugh because of how deeply true they are. I like that she said to tap into strength in the form of grace. Grace is “muscular” & “robust” completely true!

    • Michelle May

      I agree that this is a great one. My family is so dynamic & I am lucky I can usually think of a family member I admire or respect, but has a completely different set of values. Hearing this reiterated hit deep for me too!

  4. This talk, to me, is so healthy. I am tired and worried about the overall intolerance and incapability to dialogue with people who think different as valid humans, and to learn fighting the ideas without disqualifying the human being. even more when it is about banishing them from society. I am similarly growingly irritated by the tendency to call “toxic” anyone who is not aligned with you or who does not satisfy all your desires.

  5. Our world needs connection above differences!! Thank you for this conversation. If we can remember that we are ONE, that just like in the human body, different parts will have different roles to play- then we can discover how to work together and bring our the best in each other! Let’s find out how we complement each other! Nature is all about opposites coming together to create LIFE. This is what we need to learn how to do on our human level too! It’s our current challenge and opportunity, to discover a new way, a new world, we really MUST. Just see all those issues that we fight about as invitations to go beyond the topic itself, and connect above it. That’s how to bring love to the world, and that will also fix all the issues that we are concerned about! Win win!

    • teamforleo

      Absolutely, Tal! Thanks for sharing your perspective on the matter. We’re so glad you enjoyed this conversation. -Jeremy, Team Forleo

  6. Jean Marcley

    Incredible, Marie. To not take someone else’s opinions and/or beliefs as a personal afront is what I mostly got out of this. Thank you so much

  7. So good! The perfect appetizer ahead of holiday dinners!

    I love that Kirsten gave language to several things I’ve been feeling in recent months:
    – it’s always ok to ditch social media if it’s not serving you
    – facts tell, stories sell
    – everyone comes to their beliefs through their own experiences
    – grace is the way!

  8. elaine dolan

    This subject matter is so pertinent right now.
    Yes, we have the good and bad buckets, but we have to, to keep boundaries! I like to call my judgements prejudice (with little experience) and postjudice (after having seen a lot and concluded after observation), because they will always be judgements. And it is reality that those judgements are also fluid in time. They change. As Dr. Candice Pert said of the physical body, something like…the body is a flickering flame, not a hunk of meat. -If you stick around, your judgements and emotions and health WILL fluctuate. Be present to see it.

  9. Awhile back, someone gave me a helpful phrase to use in the holiday/family situations where the conversation begins to turn heated with opposing views:
    “I love you, but we have different thoughts about this, so let’s talk about something else.” and immediately change the subject. If they persist, like Kirsten mentioned, honor yourself and your boundary and get up and walk away. Timely conversation – thank you.

  10. Barbara Spikes

    There were a few things that were great. 1. You can’t help anyone if you are exhausted. 2. I loved that she said that you should see something good in the people who’s beliefs are very different than yours. 3. That if I can’t engage with someone and feel ok for whatever reason, go do something after you leave them to help the cause you believe in. Just brilliant. Thanks for talking with her.

    • teamforleo

      Hi Barbara. We’re so glad you enjoyed this. These are all great points! -Jeremy, Team Forleo

  11. Brenda

    This is so excellent.

    Biggest takeaway- you have to be WILLING to do some hard work on YOURSELF- whether that be your mindset, your health, your attitude or your graciousness to yourself.

    This automatically sets us up to be simultaneously empathic and strong.

    The people I admire most have these qualities and are quiet leaders, sometimes without even knowing it. So powerful!

  12. Kim Gorga

    I actually have this struggle right in my own home every day. I actually really liked your comment about creating a bucket of things that we don’t talk about until we choose to talk about them intentionally.

    I also liked the comment that we’re not actually helping anyone by being stressed all the time.

    • teamforleo

      Hi there Kim,

      Those are great nuggets and some of our favorites too! Having intentional conversations can lead to less frustrations and arguments. Thank you so much for connecting with us!

      – Monauar, Team Forleo

  13. Loved this episode so much!! this really stayed with me: “don’t use the facts, as people won’t agree. but people do believe you have experience and knowledge around your own experiences!! ” 💚

    • teamforleo

      Gwen,

      Thanks for sharing your insight with the community! Yes, everyone has their own experience and knowledge just like everyone has their own special story.

      -Antoinette, Team Forleo

  14. Trulie Nix

    I’m really trying to internalize this and imagine putting it into practice. But here’s my issue and perhaps someone can weigh in on the topic.
    As noted it’s been a rough few years and a reality was presented that at least ¼ of our country perhaps was able to show more grace where I could not.

    I haven’t to my knowledge come across any friends that were in support of a movement that negatively impacted people who have historically been disenfranchised in this country. However, I do have friends that have friends who do.
    My insight into this is my friends have the privilege of not being affected by said behaviors or policies so can show grace to those who are.

    Here’s an example, Let’s say I’m Jewish, and my non-Jewish friends and I share the same values. However, those friends have friends that are supportive of policies that negatively affect Jewish people based on their religious beliefs.

    I now experience a level of discomfort with my friends for their continuous association with these individuals. How do I reconcile this?

    • Kelly

      I once had a friend meet me for lunch and the first thing she said was, “I don’t think I can be friends with anyone who supports Trump.” I think it was a bit of a test to see if I was a supporter. I wasn’t, but didn’t even get into that. I just said, “Oh my gosh, if I did that I wouldn’t be speaking to half of my friends and family.” And then we calmly talked about why they supported him and I think she may have been surprised that there were very legitimate reasons why they voted for his policies but didn’t love a lot of the things he did. Sometimes we feel we understand a situation completely but without truly knowing how someone very different than us has been affected by that situation. I always try to find common ground FIRST and then recognize that we can discuss our differences as a way of learning about another perspective.

  15. I love this! I tell my clients all the time that America is purple. We are not as divided as we are told to believe.

  16. Jennifer Briggs

    I like the idea of approaching someone who has an opinion different from mine by asking, “Can I tell you about…” or “Can I share… with you?” Instead of forcing the conversation, it invites them, and gives them the opportunity to decline if they prefer.

    • teamforleo

      Hi Jennifer,

      That was one of our favorite parts too! It’s a great way to share and connect from a place of grace and gives the other person the ability to honor and respect their own boundaries as well. Sending you the best.

      – Monauar, Team Forleo

    • teamforleo

      Jennifer,

      Yay! We are happy you enjoyed the episode–an invitation is more approachable than forcing a conversation on another individual. Thanks for sharing your feedback with the community.

      -Antoinette, Team Forleo

  17. Rebecca Alston

    My biggest take aways from this conversation with Kirsten Powers, were “wanting” to see the other person’s humanity and humanness; extending grace to myself first and that grace is a “muscle”; and setting boundaries–knowing that it’s okay to say ‘no’ to a situation and sometimes just walk away.
    This was a great interview, and it provided me with some very valuable insights and information. Thank you, Marie.

    • teamforleo

      Hi Rebecca,

      Thank you so much for sharing your takeaways. We’re honored you liked this interview. Sending you all the best.

      – Monauar, Team Forleo

    • teamforleo

      Rebecca,

      We are so happy that this episode resonated with you! More importantly, so happy you gained invaluable insights and information.

      -Antoinette, Team Forleo

  18. Important topic. Interesting conversation. Usefull not only for people living in US.

    People have changed not only there… unfortunetly. There was more unity.

    I like the idea of looking for someone you respect in a group you don’t understand it hepls to remember that we all are human.

    “You’re not going to solve the world’s problems over (one) dinner” so true…

    Thank you. Best wishes

    • teamforleo

      Airi,

      Thank you for sharing your feedback with the community!

      -Antoinette, Team Forleo

  19. Michael

    Consider that you may be wrong about your opinion and listen before speaking.

    • teamforleo

      Michael,

      So well said, friend! Being open and just listening is when the magic begins…Thanks for being a part of our community Michael!

      -Antoinette, Team Forleo

  20. I’m glad to see this – despite not having Thanksgiving, Christmas is going to be tricky. I try to be curious “you just say XYZ, can you tell me more about that?” to see what led them to that belief, but I also appreciate the reminder that there are some boundaries it’s okay to hold — So good to remember that we are all humans (Brene Brown did this in Braving the Wilderness talking about Trump and dehumanising language) and we can still hold compassion for those people despite standing up for your beliefs.

  21. DNN

    Using family members who slander your name, speak against you wrongfully, and worried about how they’ll loook to others after tearing you down to build themselves up can be a profitable experience, especially when you use family negativity and their negative energy to “get that side hustle going,” as Marie once said in a past YouTube video. When you use negative family members to start a business after they’ve done and said all they could to disagree and pull you down, you also tap into inner spiritual and entrepreneurial strength you never knew you had. 🙂

  22. Traci Halpin

    I like how grace creates a space between you and the other person. That allows us to pause and choose the next right action.

  23. Mary T Zylo

    I need to buy the book. I’m really struggling with this issue.

  24. Katie

    Thank you Marie, to both of you for this great interview with Kirsten Powers, and to all the great comments above. So many takeaways. The one that stuck with me most was: People with their own unintegrated trauma may have difficulty seeing a different viewpoint than their own. Lightbulb moment! I appreciated Kirsten mentioning some of the ways unresolved trauma affects the brain and thinking (good/bad buckets). It reminded me to find the compassion and grace within me for what others may be experiencing.

  25. I like kristen she’s really a good speaker i remember i attend one of her conference in the past and i learned a lot. Good to see her in your video.

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