Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Have you ever read a book in public and laughed so hard that people give you the side eye?✋🏽

A few weeks ago, that was me. I was on a flight and could not put down my friend Franchesca Ramsey’s brilliant new book: Well, That Escalated Quickly.

The foot-in-mouth moments. The painful honesty. The insightful and transparent lessons. The searing humor and I-can’t-believe-she-said-that-did-that-and-overcame-that situations. BLOWN AWAY is an understatement.

Maintaining a productive, rewarding relationship with fans doesn’t require a social media addiction. It means doing good work that people respond to. @chescaleigh Click To Tweet

As you’re about to see, my copy has a bajillion underlines, highlights and pages flagged.

What’s more? Her sharp and instructive book directly tackles some of the toughest areas we’re navigating in our culture: race, gender, identity, and power — and the pitfalls of having those conversations in the unpredictable public sphere of the internet.

Yup, we’re talking social media rants, trolls and flaming call-out wars. All of which Franchesca has dealt with. Multiple times.

Her book is required reading if you create anything online. In this must-watch episode you’ll discover:

  • What Franchesca learned from being ripped to shreds for not knowing how to be ripped to shreds — from folks across the entire political spectrum
  • How she became a hater herself, then wound up at an intimate dinner with the very celebrity she was critical of
  • Why the phrase “check your privilege” makes Franchesca wince and a different way to open up this important conversation
  • The difference between “call outs” and “call ins” and the 6 questions to ask before doing either
  • Why creating meaningful work online does not require a social media addiction and what you should focus your time on instead
  • The very real dangers of compassion fatigue and why self care is vital for survival
  • Why “I don’t see race” is the wrong thing to say (plus other “cringe-worthy” comments about race and identity that should be retired ASAP)
  • How to apologize without making matters worse, and ensure you move the dialogue forward rather than backward
  • And SO much more

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

Franchesca’s gift for bringing compassion, humor and unbelievable candor to important topics like race, gender, identity and activism is rare and transformative. She’s sharp, clear, informed and warm-hearted.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Which part of today’s conversation meant the most to you, and why? Leave a comment below and let us know.

Share as much detail as you can. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration and your story may be just what someone else needs to have a major breakthrough.

SUPER IMPORTANT: Be compassionate and respectful. Use the T.H.I.N.K test before you post.

Is this True?

Is it Helpful?

Is it Inspiring?

Is it Necessary?

Is it Kind?

While thoughtful dialogue is always encouraged, any comment that can be perceived as threatening, hateful, accusatory, inflammatory, mean or bigoted in any way will be removed. Thanks in advance for continuing to keep our community forward-moving.

P.S. I’m co-hosting Franchesca’s book launch party in Los Angeles on Thursday, May 31st. Come see us in person if you can — RSVP here!

With so much ❤️,

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137 comments

  1. Lorri Carnevale

    OMG I love you for being real and way to many of us are not…I have’t read your book yet but let me tell you I just ordered it to be picked up on my way home from work…Let me say something here to your defense on your interview where you were torn to shreds did anyone stop to think that your answers were just that your answers to questions you as a real person might have answered them not as you the celebrity??? I think so many people get a kick out of hurting those who are above them and have more then them…I am glad you realized you have something to share with everyone…but researching to have the right answers for thing you haven’t lived through are not your experiences so how does that make your feel to express what you have not gone through..me being a designer create from the loss of others through their stories…NOT mine I do feel attached to each piece I create but still it’s not mine…what is mine is when I design my fused glass set in silver rings that I hand make…I am the expert here on that…do you see what I am saying although you are a great spokesperson I hope you still add your own real self…..

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You bring up some interesting points, Lorri! Being a woman in the public eye, especially one who tackles important issues head on, isn’t easy.

      • Lorri Carnevale

        I totally understand that and that is why I said it was coming from a place within her and not knowing the right answers well that makes her real to me…and why I loved hearing this…you are more authentic when your not prepared and I am sorry people took it the wrong way but I believe she is doing and will continue to do amazing things and as far as I can tell she keeps is 100%

        • Yvonne A

          You’re right. I don’t understand how she should speak on things she didn’t experience. If she did then the audience would call her fake. “Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”

  2. Fiston Mpene

    I really liked this épisode

  3. I LOVE this interview! What a great conversation with these amazing women. I need to order this book ASAP!

    But also– can we please talk about Franchesca’s earrings?? They are so fab. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Right?! So fabulous. We hope you enjoy the book as much as we did! 🙂

  4. Lisa

    Wow! What an incredible woman! What a powerful, important and timely video. I LOVED this so much! Thanks for sharing!

  5. I LOVED this episode Marie and Francesca ! I will definitely buy this book. Full of wisdom nuggets. I particularly appreciate that Francesca is humble enough to admit her own mistakes and act upon them. It is so easy to fall into the pitfall of pointing out what other people do wrong while ignoring our own flaws.
    I am a techie myself so I totally get you, Francesca, when you say you can’t go back to before the Iphone was out lol. But I will definitely try to live the moment instead of capturing it for others #liveinthepresent. That was my BIGGEST take away ! Thank you girls for this great interview.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Wonderful, Elisabeth! These are some great takeaways and we appreciate you tuning in. 🙂

  6. Donna

    I’m SO glad I stopped to listen to this episode! I’m new to Franchesca’s work and love not only her message, but her delivery of said teachings.

    This was a sweet reminder that if we own up to our wrongs and can discuss them, we’re all better for it.

    I also loved her Black Lives Matter discussion with the rain forest or cancer event examples. What a clear and clever way to acknowledge the everything matters, but doesn’t have to be included every time. L-O-V-E her and this. Thanks for allowing us to share in the wisdom.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! Such a great way of explaining things. 🙂

  7. What a great video!! Thank you!! I needed to hear this!
    Blessings Girl!! Way to Change The World!! <3

  8. This was a great reminder my mentor several years ago would say to me, “are you reacting instead of responding?” Now, before I get clobbered, (lol) let me say, there can be a situation where we have to react quickly and an emotional response is helpful. However as for me, I can be that person that gives a 10 response to a 2 circumstance and in most cases when I am reflecting as to why; it’s because of something that has affected me personally. Or it can be something that I really dislike about me or that I feel needs to be changed within me that I see in others and that is why it pushes my buttons. It is during those times that I have to take a step back, or “take a breath” as Marie said in the video and review why this is triggering this type of response for me. For me personally, when people are “reacting” and wanting me to listen is when I shut down and they lose me. Thank you for this video, very thoughtful and great reminder.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s such an important distinction, Stephanie. Thank you for sharing!

  9. Adegbemiro glory

    I LOVE this interview! So Fascinated ….really
    What a great conversation with these amazing women.

    Love you dear

  10. The vinegar in the cake recipe will always stick with me and is amazing advice reminiscent of something our mothers would have said. They were so smart, weren’t they?

  11. Franchesca Ramsey, you are an incredible human being, I loved this entire interview – you’re so spot on, you expressed your experience in such a loving and welcoming way. I can’t wait to dig into your book, and I thank you for your contribution to this critical conversation.

    I love this point: that we’ve been taught that it’s taboo to talk about our differences, or even think that we have differences.

    I believe that diversity is key to life. Nature is a diverse ecosystem for a reason: diversity makes us stronger, we all learn from and rely on each other. So thank you for being such a beautiful reflection of that!

    • I agree! I also reacted to that point because it has always been my tagline, both on my emails and blogs “do not be afraid of her because she is different: differences is that we have most in common” and never more than now have I felt we need to embrace our diversity, rather than fearing the “otherness”.

  12. Such an necessary paradigm shift for all of us! Thank you for putting it into words and being so real about it.
    LESSON FOR ME: When someone takes a jab at you – ask yourself if there is some truth to their judgments and something that needs attention in you.
    Oh my goodness – THANK YOU!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Right on, Kathy! It’s so hard to do, especially after it feels like someone has thrown a punch, but it can be so worthwhile to really dig in and listen for the grains of truth.

  13. Thank you for this helpful interview, Marie. The discussion about privilege was especially instructive. Franchesca, I’d love to attend your LA book signing, but I’ll settle for reading your book in Connecticut. Best wishes and good luck!

  14. As always, just the right topic, just when I need it. I’m in the process of writing a book and creating a corroborative website that will be addressing women who live with disabilities. Vanity and self-worth are big on my agenda. To say it’s an uncomfortable topic, in particular, for those who are not disabled, would be an understatement. I plan on approaching my book and website in a comedic/uplifting way without disrespecting the very people I’m trying to uplift. I know there will be times when I’m walking a very fine line, and this video helped me to realize that I’m not always going to get it right. Some people will always take offense, and that’s okay. I will definitely “check myself” as I move forward. Awesome interview. Much love. ♥️

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Good luck, Brooke! Just the fact that you’re cognizant of the potential challenges you’ll face in creating content for your audience shows how much you care and value them. We’ll be rooting for you!

  15. 1. Francesca’s Earrings…… where-to-find??!! possible?? great ones!
    2. Great book – title is perfect, for that’s the frequent experience – for me, more often in person than online (where I have time to reflect and consider delivery and can even pause if response seems needed). But in groups I visit, a comment comes out of my mouth, tied to a context I’ve been following in my mind, and by surprise, I see that I missed something, and when I am challenged, new stuff is added that is painful. It happens sometimes after arriving late, if I add more than one comment, forget about it – or, it can happen close to the end, or when inadequate time is planned to examine an important topic that comes up then, and I wanted to pose a real question, or add a real concern.
    I love your thoughtful response of – pause – and say “thank you” for reminding me.
    I also love the goal – if sharing wisdom is your goal, as it is mine after rich experience and now old age – think to choose what is the most important and take time to prepare content that will be valuable to others. Also, include their voices – sometimes I take those for granted, but others don’t see that I’m doing that.

    I also think we rarely consider that privilege comes in many forms that others can’t imagine, so I’m very glad to hear that the term and animosity bothers you. Someone misunderstood, different origins, someone with few allies can feel impoverished in public settings, in comparison to black peoples or those in other accepted groups, who seem able to have instant access to being validated, by those who with similar and more visible or acceptable commonalities, even openly rebellious ones. With a focus on individuality and individual responsibility, white misfits can feel shunned, when peers are trained to show little response, or reaction to those who scorn.

    Message: take time to write or plan communication.. WORD.

  16. Loved the interview! I really appreciated the points on privilege; especially the phrase, “check your privilege” which really does ten to shut down what could be an expansive and thoughtful conversation.

    There are so many times when people are trying to ask their questions and learn and others shut them down with statements like that or tell them that they should “sit down. This conversation isn’t for your input.” effectively suppressing someone oftentimes hypocritically.

    Francesca seems to have an inclusive way of holding space for anyone who wants to learn and be part of the conversation. And I really appreciate that.

    I also appreciated the idea of showing gratitude and saying thank you when one apologizes. Brilliant POV.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Learning is how we grow and so important for all of us. 🙂

  17. Laura

    Marie and Franchesca: Thank you so much for this interview. It was great! I have a question about the show. In the last part of the episode you where giving some valuable advice on how to ask for forgiveness when someone calls you out.
    My question is related to that specific part… How can you discern from a positive comment that comes from a place of love which you need to say Hey I’m sorry, it won’t happen again; from a hateful and intrusive comment that comes from a place of envy which you need to say “Thank you but that was unsolicited”.
    The internet world provides so much space for almost everyone to be experts on everything that I feel if we don’t protect ourselves from energy vampires we might end up drained. Anything on this?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good question, Laura, and sometimes it really is hard to tell! Franchesca shared that she’s received call-outs and call-ins and she did her best to listen to the nuggets of truth in people’s criticism. It can be difficult to accept feedback if it’s delivered harshly, even if the person is right. Franchesca also talked about how some people will criticize people for something wrong they’ve done, but will add in jabs about their appearance, for example, when their attractiveness, style, etc., has nothing to do with it. It may help to ask yourself, “is there truth to what this person is saying or are they just being mean?” There’s wisdom to be gained from the nuggets of truth.

  18. Terry

    I loved this interview so much! Franchesca, you’re amazing and inspiring, and I so appreciate your heart for helping people understand each other instead of just taking people down. That is so badly needed in our world, and I don’t think we can ever have enough of it. I’m excited to read your book! Thank both of you so much for the work you do.

  19. Bets

    Loved this interview. My main takeaway was the part where she talked about having goals for social media!! Yes! I never thought of it that way. As someone who spends WAY too much time on Facebook, I need to apply this method for myself.

  20. I’m glad you’re talking about enjoying the moment instead of focusing on recording it. It’s old school. At the age of 64 and using social media for marketing for the past 12 years I still forget to take pictures. I have the camera, but I’m so busy having a good time I forget to take photos and think “Wait! I don’t have a record!” but guess what, when you are looking back and reliving those memories they are so much richer for having fully lived them to begin with.

  21. Marie,
    I love all of your videos but this interview with Francesca just solidified and enlightened many things I want to do going forward with my Interior Design business. I love when she talks about not posting on social media just to keep up with the quantity of what you might think is necessary. Quality is certainly more important. Just so many things you guys shared where face-palm “duh” moments, that I should have already realized. Thank you again for helping me and so many others with the personal and business lives.

  22. I feel called to say….”Francesca..you girl are a Perfect Divine child of GOD.”

  23. After being burned by social media, I finally learned to implement the following quote (especially when it comes to politics): ‘Never miss a good chance to shut up.’

  24. Irene

    FABULOUS!!!!! I receive a lot of information on a daily basis as I love to learn. One thing, however, is that I find myself avoiding watching videos as my attention span generally isn’t there to watch…. even for a short 5 minutes. I watched this all the way through and loved all of it! I noticed that I could just listen to the podcast, however, Franchesca is truly captivating and I didn’t want to stop watching her.

    My biggest take away from this is to allow myself to express to the world in a bigger way. I tend to be very articulate and have a gift for analogies as Franchesca does, yet I’ve allowed that potential backlash from people who aren’t yet in that aware space to keep me from expanding my expression. This video truly resonated with me and reminded me that I’m being led to express my gifts and talents in a much larger way because it will help so many others. I observe the “bigger picture” and tend to act as a bridge for people to understand various perspectives.

    Thank you, Franchesca, for expressing yourself in such a beautiful, authentic way.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Amazing, Irene! Your voice is important and you can do so much good with it. 🙂

  25. Such a great episode! Loved the interview and will definitely be ordering the book!
    Thank you Marie for your interviews and always bringing inspiring & thought-provoking content. I am so grateful for these episodes!! xo
    Thank you Franchesca for your tone, inspiration, and raw examples. You have such a gift for making these complex topics approachable and relatable. This interview helped provide examples for reframing conversations and a new way of approaching topics that will help further conversations. It reminds me a lot of Brene Brown’s Braving the Wilderness – but adds on to those concepts with a comfortable approach on how to contribute to these meaningful dialogues plus understanding how your role can impact things for the better.
    LOVE! Thank you both for broadening perspectives and doing the work to help leave this world a better place. Your both such an inspiration.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Absolutely, Jen! Franchesca really does have a gift for explaining big topics in a fun way, which makes for the best teachable moments. We hope her wisdom will help everyone who hears it help themselves and others see the world in a new light.

  26. There was so much good content in Franchesca’s interview, however, the one thing that clearly stood out for me was the phrases that must be eliminated. She gives such great understanding as to why these phrases, while said with good intent, have a negative impact. Thank you, thank you, thank you for opening my mind to my own faux pas with good intentions.

  27. Nalana

    What a great and insightful interview. I feel like I want to use it to call a bunch of people out (or in). LOL!

    I love the quote:”We should not lower our moral standards to call someone out.” So many people forget this. I also agreed with the part about remembering that what you say is not just seen by the person you are calling out, but lots of others. I find I am SUPER quiet on social because I do not want to be attacked or made to feel less if I disagree with the repetitive talk that seems to go around and around on hot topics. It’s like a click-bate title writers wet dream when they get going! 🙂

    Anyway, thank you so much for writing this book and sharing yourself and your insights with all of us. I am definitely going to check out your book!

  28. Denise

    Oh Franchesca! You are a breath of fresh air!!! My heart is full after watching this interview. I’m buying the book immediately.
    Marie, thank you so much for this episode. Recently an established creative (you know of whom I speak) made a mistake in marketing her latest offering. The very public online shit show that followed was painful to witness. My take away after reading only a small sliver of the comments was fear. Fear to put myself and my gifts out into the world. If I make a mistake will I be attacked in that same unforgiving way?
    This conversation with Franchesca has given me the strength and the tools to move forward confidently.
    I’m so grateful!

  29. This is my favorite Marie TV episode ever. And I appreciate Franchesca’s honesty about her journey in this. I saw some Tweet Billy Baldwin put out the other day talking about how people are so uncivil online these days while simultaneously calling people c*nts. Uhm, son … no. And while I’ve not gone that far, I’ve certainly dropped my own scathing frustration bombs on social and then regretted it. So, I just ordered Franchesca’s book and look forward to reading it. Thanks for having her on, Marie! Seriously, best episode. We need more conversations like this.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We’re so happy you loved this episode, Cris! We definitely agree we need more conversations like this and we were so happy to have Franchesca on the show. There’s so much to be learned. Thanks for watching! 🙂

  30. I came across this meme yesterday and your conversation with Francesca resonated in a similar way…
    “The truth does not require your participation to exist. Bullshit does.”

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Isn’t that the truth, Mychol. Thank you for sharing this with us and tuning in today!

  31. Thank you both for this interview, and for how open and honest you both are!!! In the past few years, I think so many of us have been confronted with our past, our behavior, our attitudes, our communication, etc. It feels like it’s not only to learn from past mistakes, but also to ultimately learn to forgive ourselves and see ourselves with more love and kindness. Hopefully in this, we’ll all learn to elevate the conversation and offer constructive feedback to one another with love and kindness.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, Vania. We’re all learning and growing, together. Thank you for being here and being part of the solution!

  32. Thank you so much for this. Esp on explaining how the “all lives matter” is taken. I’ve made the mistake of blurting this out,not understanding how it’s being taken. Would love to see more interviews with Franchesca……especially explaining the accidental blunders that are made with people from different cultural backgrounds may make with one another. I feel like an ignoramous in this area.

    • Hey Sherrie. We’ve all made mistakes (I certainly have!). We’re all on a learning journey. If you want more content about this, please pick up her book ASAP. She has two whole chapters dedicated to phrases, replies, etc. — not to mention all of the insight and learning within the whole book. You’ll LOVE it!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Sherrie, we so admire your honesty and desire to improve – this is beautiful! Isn’t Franchesca amazing? We hope you’ll check out more of her work! Thank you for being such a wonderful part of our community.

  33. Taylor

    Intent versus impact! This is such an important distinction. People (including me) do get very defensive when we are told we hurt someone else’s feelings, but remembering this distinction can really be helpful.

    I have absolutely loved listening to this interview, and will definitely be listening to this book from Audible (I’m an audiobookaholic!)

    • Awesome Taylor — the book is incredible 🙂

      • Taylor

        I’ve already listened to the first two hours, and you’re right, it is!

  34. Helen Lange

    I like the notion of “calling in”. To me it reflects genuine love & caring, focusing on the other person’s welfare rather than one’s own ego need to be validated at another’s expense. I’ve been there, done that, and enjoyed this conversation for the clarity it brought. Grateful this child of God took the courage to instruct us by sharing her vulnerabilities.

  35. Preeti T

    Such a relevant interview! We keep saying that we don’t have time for all the things that we want to do, but we actually do – if only we get off of the social media binge. On my part, I never comment on political or religious topics unless I have a first-hand experience of the issue. Using abusive language is a no-no for me.
    Thanks again Marie and Franchesca for this wonderful talk!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Right on, Preeti – we have more time when we make the time. That’s a very smart rule you’ve made for yourself and we love your commitment to kindness. So glad you enjoyed this conversation!

  36. Tha Keo

    This is amazing! Love this interview:) . I don’t know what out of the interview to pick and choose from to start typing. Got the book! cannot wait this coming Thursday in my mailbox, reading it on kindle now. A lot of what Franchesca’s talk about help me better understand social media. It is very loud and overwhelming. It is very addictive. The choices of responsibility is HUGE. This leads to the interview with what is ‘Call outs and Call ins’ . Thank you for the nugget of wisdom! social media is a big project and it is as special as to make the world a better place- such a great topic and right timing for this interview! Thank you Marie!!!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Enjoy the book!! We’re happy to hear this discussion resonated with you on so many levels. Thank you for watching and carrying some of Franchesca’s pieces of wisdom into your own life 🙂

  37. Excellent to hear of the mistakes, lessons and blessings when living your creative dream out loud with so much media involved. Brave!

  38. Greta

    Thanks so much for the many ways you addressed how we can talk in ways that are helpful and affirming. It was actually quite timely, I was starting to write an apology for something I said that was out of line. It is not always necessary for the other person to see where you are coming from, there are times when the words/timing are just not right.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Greta, we’re thrilled that this was good timing for you! Kudos to you for writing an apology with such genuine care. We really hope this helps.

  39. Thank you for showing up! My biggest take away is to be ok with not being as present on social media so that I can create my content.

  40. Juicy discussion! Thank you for sharing Francesca with your audience Marie!! She’s refreshingly honest and kind. My favorite part of THIS conversation (and what sold the book for me) was her compassion for people coming to social activism later in the game and her understanding that no one knows ALL the answers. It’s a conversation—one that I’m enjoying unfold.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      So glad you enjoyed it, Ciara! Absolutely, doesn’t Franchesca have such a gift for breaking down and helping us understand these complex topics with compassion? We’re really grateful to have you as part of this unfolding conversation! You’re going to love the book 🙂

  41. Yes, this spoke to me so much. I went through a time on my FB wall (connected to so many different types of people) where I announced that everyone is welcome to give their opinion but must be kind to one another. Then I followed through reminding them (when they attacked) that I would need to delete their comment because it had broken my personal rule. One person stated he could not do that. He’s still a friend but doesn’t comment on my posts any more. After a few weeks of monitoring, people started self-regulating. I did have to unfriend a few people and still occasionally remind them of “the rule.” But all in all, my wall is kinder now.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      LOVE that, Mary. Thank you for making the world a kinder place. Your standards and leadership make a huge, important difference. Keep up the amazing work!

  42. Miki Huntington

    Wow, Marie. Thanks so much for introducing us to Francesca Ramsey! I admit, I don’t always watch/listen to the longer conversations but I was drawn in and watched the entire episode! Just ordered the book and can’t wait to read it (the rainforest segment was just… awesome!). Keep sharing and promoting great content and collaborations…

  43. Thank you so much, Marie and Francesca!
    This confirmed again – and gave me a relief – to minimize the time I’m spending online.
    Thanks so much for this,
    Llyane

  44. Deb

    Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Wow Franchesca is an amazing individual, so articulate and passionate about her topic. Thank you for challenging me to own up to my missteps and that it is okay that I took them. Also thank you for offering me the opportunity to now do better.
    Loved this episode and am searching out the book as soon as I am done here.
    Take care

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Wonderful, Deb! We’re so glad to hear this. We can all stand to improve – being gentle yet honest with ourselves and each other is the first step to doing better. We appreciate you taking the time to watch and hope you enjoy the book!

  45. Veronica Ricksen

    I loved this episode! Thank you for having this interview. Franchesca made the conversation about race and identity, etc. so much more hopeful and positive than scary and pessimistic which can be a turn off for me, personally.

  46. SUPER AWESOME and well done Marie, Franchesca and Team Forleo! I might be wrong, but I feel like this is the closest to addressing race relations of any of your previous episodes and you guys did it incredibly well and with such passion and poise. This elevates the conversation and has the power to unite rather than separate. Can’t wait to get my hands on the book as well, and for many more important conversations like this to be happening…at the end of the day, what does creating the lives and businesses we love mean if they aren’t bringing the world together to be a better place? Adore you all, thank you for this special episode. And WAY TO GO Franchesca! x o

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Ash, that means the world to us. We’re happy to hear you enjoyed this conversation with Franchesca – she’s just incredible, isn’t she? You said it so well – that we must all be working together to make the world a better place through our work and way of being in the world. We adore you, too! XO

  47. Such a good and necessary conversation. Thank you!
    In addition to your book, I’d love to know what your top 3 articles or books are that help increase compassion and understanding of others’ experiences. Looking forward to learning more.

  48. Meghan

    I’m becoming a lover of all things Franchesca Ramsey, thank you so much! I’m very much looking forward to reading this book. I really appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable about your journey of awareness in this area where I think a lot of people struggle, and are afraid to even try to grow. I grew up in the midwest, surrounded almost entirely by white people, but have been living and working in New York City for 17 years, and it’s been a very long road learning better ways to navigate both in-person and online relationships with people who, to paraphrase you, move through society differently than I do because of differences in privilege. Thanks for sharing your talents and gifts with the world!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Beautiful, Meghan! It’s a learning journey and we’re proud of you for embarking on it. 🙂

  49. Thank you for this amazing conversation. It made me think of something – we often don’t know where our choices are leading down the line so have to rely on our personal values and standards.

    But let’s say through some magical interference, you could know how your choice would turn out and had to choose between becoming successful but a kind of person the current you finds abhorrent, or maintaining your current values but ending up destitute or just not doing great.
    What do you think you would choose?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good question, Dijana, but we don’t believe people should necessarily have to choose between these two options. It’s very possible to be a successful, kind person who upholds their values. Marie talks about this more in this MarieTV episode: https://www.marieforleo.com/2016/03/success/

  50. Elizabeth

    I really enjoyed this episode! Such a fascinating conversation with two really interesting creative woman. I think I really appreciate how honest they both were about how it’s okay to fess-up when you mess-up. It’s okay and most people will really appreciate that.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes, that’s such an important reminder for all of us. We’re so glad you liked this episode! 🙂

  51. Saving the rain forest doesn’t mean Fuck all the other trees! I now have tea to clean up all over my desk and monitor. Thank you. As a lover of trees, thank you.
    I loved this episode. I have to clean my desk.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Right?! I spat my drink too! LOL.

  52. GAAAAAHHHHH!!! Two of my FAVORITE people! I loved the first interview you two did together and now today another one!!! It’s gonna be a great day. xoxo
    The book is FAB as well! Highly recommended!
    So wish I could be there celebrating with you guys at the launch party! Have a great time! Way to go Franchesca! Watching you gives me a lot of hope for what I’m trying to do. Thank you for your inspiration, and sharing truth.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you for your kind words, Sharee! Franchesca is going on book tour and doing events all over the place, so it’s possible there’s going to be an event near you. Check out her website to see! http://www.franchesca.net/

  53. Vladi Tkachenko

    Thank you, millions.
    Beautiful young woman. Amazing work and useful tools for all the ocasions and relationships: work, family, kids, friends. Thank you, girls.

  54. Yvonne A

    Because I got into it with a former Facebook “friend” on the Black Lives Matter movement, my takeaway is her response. Great analogy!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad Franchesca’s wisdom was helpful! 🙂

  55. Great interview ladies! Thank you! Full of wit and humor.
    I especially loved the beautiful articulation of how to apologize from a heart of authenticity.
    What an honoring place – for both parties – when a thank you is offered for sincere suggestions to help make me a better person when I’ve erred unintentionally. If we all practiced moving from defensiveness to graciousness on a daily basis, what an amazing shift could happen in the world.

  56. This was an incredible video! She was spot on about so many things. She has excellent talents with the wording in her book that everybody could learn from. Wishing you the best in your future.

  57. Refreshing. Thank you for your honesty. My parents taught me “if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all.” Power can come with silence. Growing up the worst punishment for us was the “silent treatment” it was brutal, and it taught me that nasty people aren’t worth the energy of a response. Please continue your work from a loving heart. Best wishes. xxx

  58. Nicola Holmes

    Powerful, timely conversation.
    Thank you for your work, Franchesca.
    I will share this interview and promote your book!
    (Good luck with your upcoming launch!)

    My biggest take-aways are: 1) Having a come-back ready when someone reacts aggressively/defensively to BLM or other single-focused movements/causes, and 2) I appreciated your ‘broken toe’ analogy around intent and impact. I notice I still sometimes do feel attached to giving more attention to the intent (whether on either side of or even witnessing these dynamics) and I think I am ready to be more committed to that process of ‘getting my ego/projections of my ego’ out of the way so that I can more openly, responsibly, and heart-fully tend to someone else who is experiencing pain. Full stop. Really strive to give as much deep understanding as I can, and to build my empathy, awareness, and critical analysis muscles….

    I also appreciate how humour can bring some levity to very serious conversations, without minimizing them- but actually release some tension and allow us to stay more present and drop further defenses.

    Thank you both for this wonderful conversation.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Nicola, we love hearing that there are some actionable take-aways for you here. Allowing yourself to be present in the moment, to truly listen as someone’s sharing the impact of your words and actions, is such a beautiful way for you to practice letting go of ‘intent’ and explaining what you initially meant. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, and for contributing to the conversation.

  59. My biggest takeaway: when you react in anger you need to look inward. This is something I try to do but it’s so hard to look ourselves in the mirror when we screw up. Thank you for the reminder and for sharing this tidbit with the world.

  60. I really love the idea of not only taking a break from social media but taking a break before we post something! Take a breath, walk away, know when you’re triggered (remember Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day when he says “Don’t drive angry!”? Don’t ‘social-media’ angry!). Really appreciate Franchesca’s honesty, depth, humility, smarts, and humor! Bought the book; going to see her in SF for the tour and can’t wait. I want to share her work far and wide because she really has the great ability to disarm people so we can have the important conversations we need to be having right now. Thanks for having her on!

  61. Regina S Islas

    Brilliant, compassionate, real. I’ve just learned recently about “calling someone in” yes! This is what we are really trying to bring each other to, in, not out. Her explanation and examples of privilege and ‘not seeing color’ were articulate and spot on. Thank you Marie (and T-Forleo) for bringing us another excellent lesson!
    Wishing Franchesca mad success in LA!

  62. Audrey MULIVA

    I love THIS and the way that apologically or NOT Franchesca acknowledge the power of words especially ONLINE , the impact of inner struggles when interacting/ comparing ourselves with others ; MEN I feel like it resonates to ALL i want to change ; or mainly try to get people willing to change about ie being an healthy version of themselves ONLINE to transpose it OFFLINE too;
    I am an advocate for saying what we wish to say whatever our own critical thinking led us to; however we need to be also willing to deal with the unknown outcomes (bad, worse, good or great) of what we share online and offline ;
    Let’s getting into the habits of opening up to higher and real tolerance levels by respecting ALL opinions despite the effect it can have on some of US .

  63. Helen

    Beautiful open-hearted conversation, thank you both! Also loving the styles – Marie’s floral asymmetrical and Franchesca’s asymmetrical top with matching-unmatched earrings – sublime ladies! You are both as gorgeous out as in <3

    So many great quotes here but i always love hearing from Audre Lorde and that one is perfect for these times. Taking action on it with self-care today and first nourishing my soul with this inspiring interview. The day feels brighter already. 🙂

    On 'not seeing' race, more precious words from Lorde emerge:
    "It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences." – Audre Lorde

    I could not agree more… the world is a richer place for all of its beautiful, fascinating, intriguing, and sometimes confounding differences… All the best with the book, Franchesca! Cannot wait to get my hands on a copy 🙂

  64. I love how you find these bright, brilliant articulate young women. I love hearing their passion and enthusiasm – it makes me so hopeful for our future that these young women are out there shining a light on things we need to talk about.

  65. So much advices in this interview for the social newbie that I am!
    I keep in mind that:
    Quality is better than quantity. Really? Thank you, I felt so relieved.
    Like everything else, I must follow my goals and intentions in my SM and knowing Why? I am doing it, it’s a MUST!
    So now on, I will plan in advance my SM strategy and leave blank space for fun post if I feel to do it, put positive energy in my copy and don’t post anything after a class of wine and nothing before my first coffee!

  66. Debra

    Appreciated the frank and open discussion. Left me feeling sad, though. Again, more and more I am feeling sad that I am white…even though after checking my DNA recently even that’s not true. Ironic. For years, it felt unfortunate that I was being born a woman. Now I am feeling sad that I was born white. Add that to the fact, there are many instances in my work where I am the only white person. For the phrase, I don’t see color. There are some of us that don’t pay much attention to “seeing.” I can’t remember someone’s haircolor, eyecolor, and often skin tone. I remember people by voice. It is their voice that is often my “discriminatory” slant. This is only my opinion and think that the work Francesca is doing needs doing. I applaud what she is doing.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Debra, We’re so glad that this conversation stoked some internal discussion for you and illuminated what it is that you notice about others and yourself. As Franchesca mentions here, skin tone and gender are some of what contributes to our identity, but doesn’t have to be all of what our identity is based on. And as long as we don’t treat each other differently or discriminate because of the differences between us, there’s no need to feel ashamed of or apologize for the circumstances of our birth, or our privilege. Franchesca is promoting awareness of that privilege, and understanding that not everyone is able to move through the world in the same way. Thank you for watching.

  67. Marie, this was one of my favorite interviews. Thank you for letting me know I don’t need to be on social media all the time to promote my business. Posting can get so stressful. I love doing good work!

    Franchesca, you have a wonderful spirit. Thank you for being so authentic. I loved the Black Lives Matter and “I don’t see color” discussions. That was real. I can’t wait to buy your book. Thanks for being an inspiration. #Blackgirlmagic

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      We love that this conversation resonated with you on so many different levels. The more real the discussion can be, the better we can understand ourselves and each other. Thank you for lending your voice here too!

  68. My big take away from this insightful interview, among MANY, is that no matter what you REGRET you can make it useful by sharing what you learned. For instance, while Franchesca wishes she didn’t invest so much on social media, because she’s:
    1.) taken time to reflect
    2.) has the desire to help others
    She’s been able to turn this experience into a positive by warning others not to take the same counterproductive approach. Franchesca is AWESOME because she takes it one step further by offering productive alternatives for social engagements, such as:
    – focus on quality vs. quantity
    – lifting people up vs. putting them down.
    Thanks again!

  69. Cathy

    Loved this! Thank you Franchesca for sharing both your mistakes and your brilliance. I can’t wait to get a copy of your book!

  70. Christina

    Thanks so much for a meaningful and open discussion. What a great video!

  71. Thank you Franchesca for dropping your guard and being vulnerable and honest. The whole race conversation is constantly changing and being shaped by our present world which is always changing. And these changes are happening faster as conversations are being initiated on social media and eventually gaining attention from the main stream. Things that were normal parts of conversations in different cultures are now becoming outdated at best and a blatant “Ism” or prejudice at worst. We all have these “Isms” although they are different depending on the culture. They are coming to the surface to be cleansed in preparation of something better and kinder hopefully. Thank you for helping all of us navigate these ever changing waters. Even though in some cases the conversation is the same but the context is different.

    There were so many gems in this conversation. Ugh, now I have to go stalk her on the interwebs. She has now become a friend in my head. Adding this book on my reading list.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      The best kind of friend in your head, Naomi 😉 If we all lock arms to navigate the waters together to make the world a better place, imagine the magic that will follow. We’re so glad that you’re here.

      • Thank you Heather. I love that idea of locking arms together while we tread through these murky waters. Beautiful! I’m happy to be a part of a community of people who want to make a difference.

  72. Amber

    Wow. What an amazing human being.
    I saw a sad photo of the royal wedding where all of the people but one elderly lady were looking at it through their phones.
    My husband and I a couple of years ago started to leave our phones at home when we went out with friends and have a rule that if we are out for a coffee or meal and we do have our phones that we don’t get them out, hard when you run a client based business but I value my relationship with my husband more that my phone. It’s so sad the amount of people who are in coffee shops glued to their phones not even speaking to each other.
    I’m working on just trying to understand how my actions affect others, how my words are impactful to my kids, friends and audience and still I feel as though I have a long way to go. I am so glad to hear that I’m on the right path, owning my f ups and working towards change.
    Marie I’m so glad I found you and am grateful of the amazing people you share with us.
    I’m totally buying 3 of these books for me and 2 friends that I know will love it.

  73. Shannon

    I love everything about this interview! I am so excited for a real conversation about these topics. So many times conversations get clouded by defensiveness and the path to progress gets lost in the shuffle. Bravo!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Shannon, we’re so glad that you were able to watch this episode and found it helpful. Thank you for sharing your time and heart with us. xo

  74. This episode really resonated with me. I’m becoming a “reluctant” activist for women at the Army R&D center where I work. 82% male. But the senior leaders keep cautioning me, saying I’m opening Pandora’s box, because then the Asians, and blacks, and Latinos and LGBTQ will all file grievances if I keep going. Now I have a quote to give them! Maybe slightly modified! Also, I know it’s making the men uncomfortable and I’m too empathetic to be OK with that. It’s really a lot of unconscious biases coming into play. I had a leader say, “I don’t see gender; I base everything on performance.” Well, its just not true. It’s just wishful thinking. I was inspired by Franchesca!

  75. Stephanie

    Wow. This was so amazing. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to admit when we said or did something wrong, or didn’t handle a certain situation perfectly. This was such an act of bravery to write this book and spread this message. It reminds me of Brene Brown. I especially love that Franchesca encourages people to talk openly about their mistakes so that it becomes less and less scary for everybody to do so. THAT seems like it would really create change in the world–when we all feel safe enough to say, “Oo. What I did wasn’t great. Here’s how I’ll do better,” rather than feeling so much shame that we do nothing instead. I feel really encouraged and inspired to start doing this in my own life. Thank you so much, Franchesca and Marie!

    • Hailey – Team Forleo

      This is such a powerful takeaway– thanks so much for sharing, Stephanie! Practicing compassion toward ourselves takes courage, but it ultimately allows others to do the same. We’re all in this together and we’re so grateful that you’re a part of our bighearted community.

  76. Sophia

    I believe that Mistakes are a part of humanistic life, this is the only way the human species can evolve into communicating and understanding one another as ONE. I am happy to learn that Franchesca is now able to appreciate and evolve from negative and positive criticism. “Do not correct a fool, or he will hate you; correct a wise man, and he will appreciate you.” I like the fact of making a contract with yourself. Great interview.

    • Heather-Team Forleo

      Thanks for your kind words and observations, Sophia.

  77. Diana

    Thank all the oportunities to be better, you can always improve some aspect of your live and the ones around you.

  78. KG

    Thanks for sharing! Enjoy the book launch party!!

  79. Sylvia McIntosh

    The highlight for me was the conversation about, “Well, I don’t see you as black.” I’ve have never understood when people make comments like not seeing someone as something that they are. That to me in no way has ever equated to the what I think the intention is, which is, “I don’t value you less because you are (fill in the blank).” As I understand it, the problem isn’t being seen as black, or gay, or trans, or short, or tall, or thin, or fat; it’s being dismissed as of less value because of it.
    In my heart of hearts, for me to say to someone who is black, that I don’t see them as black would be wrong on 2 levels: #1 it’s isn’t true because my eyes do see color so I notice different skin tones in the same way that I notice different hair color, eye color, or the color of your clothes; and #2 it feels to me like I am trying to dismiss part of who you are as irrelevant to your experience. To say race is not a barrier to my willingness to listen to and befriend you is not the same as saying this part of who you are is irrelevant.
    Thank you, Marie, for having Franchesca back on your show and telling me about this book – which I must now READ! I love hearing, again (recently also heard Simon Sinek say it) that to fully claim what we have done well we must also be willing to own what didn’t turn out so well. Mistakes can be valuable lessons when we are willing to look at them rather than attempt to deny or hide them. Thank you both so much!

    • Heather-Team Forleo

      Sylvia, we’re so glad that you chose to watch this episode and share your a-has with us. We were also grateful that Franchesca was willing to share her lessons learned so that we too can learn from her. We think you’ll really enjoy the book!

  80. I love how honest Franchesca is. If we were all willing to face up to what we were like in the past the world would be very different. I’ve come to realise it’s actually ok to have a few regrets, it means you’re learning. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” —Maya Angelou. x

    • Heather-Team Forleo

      Ellie, that’s a beautiful quote and quite appropriate for this conversation. Thanks for sharing it here. It’s always lovely to see you in our world.

    • Love it!

  81. What a wonderful conversation! I love Franchesca’s soul, and her smile so beautiful!

  82. What a great interview! Thank you so much Franchesca and Marie. xx

  83. I love this. It is so true that we all have differences. Sometimes on social media, we can say things that we may not say in person. It is easier to hide behind a computer and desire retweets or likes. I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes and when I do, it helps me check my perspective on things. It is the best thing to know someone is listening. Thank you Marie and Franchesca for your honesty and sharing to help us be better to each other.

  84. Greenwich venture capital firm puts a focus on female leadership
    A young venture capital firm based in Greenwich believes it has a big competitive advantage.
    Founded in 2016 and launched last year, 1843 Capital — led by Tracy Chadwell and Alison Andrews Reyes — specializes in technology startups, but it differentiates itself primarily by looking to invest in companies with “diverse leadership teams that include at least one woman,” Chadwell said.

  85. Hi Marie. Thank you for bringing Franchesca back on the show. I so loved all the things you talked about and the biggest thing I take with me today is to be more aware of my messaging on Social media and also to call in instead of calling out. Thank you so much to both of you <3

  86. Women who have already made it to the top say that the only person who will get you there is yourself.

    While many researchers and observers have examined the structural and other barriers that limit women’s progress through the ranks, we wanted to explore a different question: how have the few women who have made it to the very top overcome those barriers?

  87. Ambika

    I feel like the 2 part apology resonated with me the most. Honestly speaking, I do find myself apologizing a lot (which may be a whole other problem in itself), but I don’t see myself committing to making that change for which I was apologizing for. This interview definitely opened my eyes, and I will try my best to commit to these changes!

    I also liked how Francesca describes the purpose of the “Black Lives Matter” movement, and how it does not mean that other lives do not matter. It is true- organizations are allowed to have a focus be on something they are passionate about, but this does not mean that they are looking down on others. I feel like people are not aware of this concept, because I definitely wasn’t until I came across this awesome interview. Keep it up Marie and Francesca, you both are making a great impact on the world :).

    • Hailey – Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Ambika! We’re so glad you enjoyed this inspiring interview and we’re grateful that you’ve added your voice to this important and timely conversation. Thanks for being part of our community!

  88. Thank you for any other informative blog. The place else may I get that kind of info written in such a perfect approach? I have a mission that I am just now working on, and I have been at the look out for such info.

  89. Andrea

    My new favourite! So much authenticity, I love it. One thing I am taking away from this episode is to have a purpose with my social media, instead of just ‘wasting away’ and ‘getting caught up’ in conversations where I simply do not need to be. Another one is ‘calling in’, I have recently heard this and now that I know more precisely what it means, it will be easier to identify when someone needs to be called in. Listening to this episode has also helped me find a more authentic voice for myself, one that is still kind without being overly aggressive. I have been practicing calling people out and have recognized how it was not in tune with who I am, and the framing provided has been super helpful.

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