Marie Forleo introduction

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I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Part of the process of writing and producing our show MarieTV involves combing through thousands and thousands of reader questions. (Want to submit yours? Do it here.) When 6-year-old Ava asked me why God made anger, I just had to answer.

Here’s why hers is such an important question. Because too often we’ve been taught that anger is not okay to feel. We’re afraid to experience or express our anger and wind up repressing it until it becomes unhealthy and even dangerous — for ourselves and others.

Anger is just energy and all energy can be transformed. Click To Tweet

But anger is a natural human emotion. It doesn’t have to be damaging or abusive. In fact, anger used constructively can be critical to building the kind of world we want to live in. In this MarieTV, you’ll learn a three-step process to transform anger into a powerful force for good.

While I framed my response for 6-year-old Ava, this simple approach can help anyone deal appropriately with anger, whether you’re 6 or 106. (Since our young viewer asked about anger in the context of God, I thought it was best that She made an appearance too. 😇)

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

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After you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear your perspective.

What’s an example of when you were able to transform your anger into something healthy and positive?

My intention is to help Ava gain a deeper understanding of how this works through positive, concrete examples.

So please leave a comment below with your story.

Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your story may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be removed.

As always, thank you so much for reading, watching and adding your voice to the conversation. You make my world.

All my ❤️,

XO

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Add a Comment

297 comments

  1. vimal

    Nice, Thanks for informing.

  2. Emma

    My anger usually occurs when other people don’t do what they said they would do, break my trust, don’t pull their own weight, aren’t responsible, or don’t respect organization & process. I recognize that everyone has their own strengths/weaknesses, but I don’t see a way to transform my anger into anything positive in these scenarios without either pissing other people off or withdrawing from relationships with people.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Hi Emma!
      Thank you for watching this episode and for your honest question. You’re so right- when people act in the way that you expressed it can be frustrating and disappointing. Sometimes it comes down to shifting our own presence in that moment, as we can’t control how others act, yet we can control how we react to it.

      If you haven’t had a chance to check out Marie’s conversation with Brené Brown, I think you may find it insightful and helpful when it comes to answering your question. You can find that episode here –> https://www.marieforleo.com/2017/09/brene-brown/

      Thank you for being here. xo

    • Hi Emma,

      For some reason, I felt called to respond to your observation. My sense is that when I feel angered for these kind of reasons, it’s because anger is drawing my attention to something that violates my values (e.g. responsibility, fairness, kindness, etc…), or something that’s wrong. I mean, I can totally understand why anger might get triggered in the scenarios you described: it sounds like often, things are amiss! I wonder if you might try Marie’s suggestion, “feel it, question it, and transform it” just to see what results you yield.

      I wonder if, responding not out of the immediate charged anger state but a calm, clear, empowered one might create some important changes: e.g. you set a boundary, communicate a need, articulate the problem you see and the feeling it’s bringing up in you (own it) and then ask for the ‘offender’ to share their perspective and see if there’s a way to generate solutions together. I mean, you might also piss people off (and could that be ok?) or you might choose to take space from or leave a relationship, if the violation is significant enough for you (and could that be ok?)….but I think it can be so valuable to have vulnerable and challenging conversations, rather than think the only two choices are “stuff anger down and let the crappy status quo continue” or “let it explode and things are going to be threatened, dangerous, and destructive.” (Or maybe that’s the binary I was just in for a long time)….

      The final thought I have is that as you question the anger, I wonder if there is some self-discovery that may reveal deeper roots of your feeling, especially if it’s a strong pattern and emotion in your life? I say this, because I know for me, when I make time to sit with my anger and look deeply into it, I can often begin to access the thoughts going through my mind, I will gain insight into old painful stories that originated when I was young (e.g. “I don’t matter to that person. My needs are not met; I can’t count on others” etc…). When I do this process, I usually end up hitting some big release moments for tears and feeling of hurt/futility or other big energies, and so that is ultimately a gift that ends up helping me heal and transform.

      Phew, long answer here, but thanks for helping me take a reflective moment.

      Hug to you!

    • I feel the same way…so frustrating to be waiting for someone to pick up their own slack. However, sometimes I’m on the other end of the stick…late or letting someone down. What I love most when this happens is that the person who I let down sees me for what I am doing…how I am showing up…and then gently but firmly calls me to a higher plane of action by saying, “Linda, I appreciate you being ready and showing up for our meeting. Our agreement was to meet at 10am. It is 10:10am. I’m seeing a pattern. What do you think is the reason you are not honoring our time? Is there something that I can do to clarify or help you with your time commitment?”
      Setting good boundaries and then expecting those boundaries to be met is a way to up-level the people around you. What we expect we usually get. People who do this in my life I soo apreciate and LOVE! I will do anything to NOT let them down. They show me respect and I in turn show that love and respect back. They call me to a higher plane and to work through my fears and shadow of “not enough” or “why try” attitude. I do the same with the people I manage/lead. It takes great effort on my part to be organized and letting them know exactly what I expect. I don’t let them get away with half ass-ing it. If they don’t meet the expectation over and over again, I simply do not work with them. Usually people need to feel LOVE, SEEN, and HEARD before they will perform at their highest potential. A little nudge goes a long way.

      • Jacqui K

        Loving the way this person handles it and intend to change my mindset and adopt this positive approach. 🙂

    • Emma, it sounds like to me that you have an awesome sense of integrity. What I’m reading between the lines is that you are as good as your word. Big props to you, take a moment and be proud of yourself! Blessings to you – I hope you find an awesome outlet for your anger (I’m feeling angry today, too)!

    • Jacqui K

      Emma,
      You just state the obvious of how i felt at work too.

      But at times, i feel like sh*t at the way i am handling this anger. Sometimes i wonder if i am being an overzealous person on self righteousness. As i read on thru on Nicola’s and Linda’s reply, i do so agree with them. This is before i continue with the video above. We can do it for the better!

    • Radical acceptance.
      I believe that other people have free will to do/be whatever and whoever they want to be. Their lack of dependability, responsibility and organization has zero impact on me, my sense of peace and happiness.
      We can transform the anger reaction into empathy and acceptance and make our own choices without holding them responsible for our happiness.
      Yeah, this is tough – especially in a committed relationship.
      But…it’s the most liberating feeling in the entire world for me.

      • Memory

        Perfect and perfectly true! These were my thoughts exactly, but I didn’t quite know how to put it into words. After decades of codependent programming, this is the way I now try to respond to anyone’s behavior that triggers me, and it WORKS!

    • Hi Emma,
      Have you ever explored the 9-Type personality typing system called the Enneagram?
      Your comment has the energy of a Type 1 who strongly believes in fairness and integrity. Do you tend to see things as black and white, right or wrong? That’s another indication of Type 1s.
      When things get tough, frustrating or don’t go their way… there’s an inner ‘default’ setting that triggers Anger for Type 1s (also for Type 8 & 9). Comparatively Types 2, 3, 4 experience Shame, and 5, 6, 7s experience Fear.
      Anyway, just felt compelled to share this as food for thought- reading up about your Enneagram type could potentially lead you to different possibilities 🙂

    • Scott Keller

      Hi Emma,
      What I was taught is that if you let others make you angry (and don’t transform it, as Marie is talking about), you are letting them control you, and being controlled in a negative way is even worse! I do mindful meditation, that I first learned about doing yoga (it would take too long describe here). This helps me let the anger flow out of me. I then remember times when I did things (probably something similar to what your mad about) to someone else. We have all done it, at one time or another. That helps me forgive and move on. Of course, life is short, so if that person keeps doing things like that, perhaps you should consider not spending as much time with them (or, if that isn’t possible, at least don’t expect them to live up to your standards and plan accordingly). Good luck! Scott

      • <3 this is wonderful. Anger is a good piece of personal information (something is wrong/bothering me) but letting others have that power… not so good. It's worth it to learn and transform it.

  3. This was such a great video, and directly translates into how and why I started my business in the first place! The way adults get treated in the workplace made me angry – there was no room for mental health, self-care, non-parental family duties, or getting enough sleep every night. As I questioned my anger I concluded that I valued health and finding other ways of living that increased happiness for everyone, not just those at the top. This energy became channeled into SnarkyFlower, a business for reducing your stress using non-traditional methods. If I wasn’t angry about how adults are supposed to live, I wouldn’t be able to help others find another way.

    • Wasn’t this a fabulous episode? So amazing to hear about your transformation, Katie!

  4. Thank you Marie, this is so helpful and true. I lived with chronic physical pain for years which was a symptom of me not dealing with my internal anger, turmoil. When I addressed my feelings, and why there were there, I released my pain. Anger forced me to take action. It took me many years to discover this, but I have realized that stuffed emotions, only get worse, when we don’t address the underlying cause. Anger, is a mask for many deep-rooted feelings that we hold onto beneath the surface. And if we don’t address our feelings, anger gets worse, and then it tears away at our health. This revelation has been one of the biggest gifts for me on my journey, and I always share my experience with others, to help them see the light.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      What a thoughtful response, Donna. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with anger and how it affected your health and life. By sharing your words, and gift, here you never know who’s life you are changing. xo

  5. tesa guevara

    one positive thing i learned about being angry and being angry in a just way (and not just in a bratty way or a simple tantrum), is that it helps you to be more focused….and do what you ought to do.

  6. Relationship Coach Katherine

    As an immigrant, for sure I had dealt with lots of racisms. I was already an adult when I came to America, so I didn’t understand why some people haven’t stood up for fairness and justice when it comes to racism. I was very angry when one time a woman tried to ask me to go back to my country, while, obviously, she and her father were not from America originally either (her dad didn’t even understand English). I transformed my anger into empathy. I bet that woman was used to be a little girl whom no one tried to stand up for her, and then she had all these anger to pour on another human being who has not much difference as her.

    I am actively promoting equal love through my relationship coaching work. I am grateful that I got the inspiration from Marie and B-School to make a difference on earth.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Katherine, what a beautiful gift of empathy and perspective that you’re offering your clients, and the people in your life. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is a gift. Treasure it. We’re honored to have your beautiful heart in B-School. xo

  7. Thank you for that great video !
    The last time I transformed anger into something positive was when I decided to create my own society and become a free-lance photographer. I felt so much anger inside me because of my last job and my feeling to be disrespected that it gave me the power to create the life I was dreaming of and to do a job that I enjoy every single days 🙂
    All emotions are really powerful if we know how to use them with us and not against us. Thank you for the remind !
    Lot of Love & Lights from France !

  8. What a gorgeous video! Fantastic advice. I would just tweak one thing – I don’t think God created anger. God is Love and Love can’t be angry. A Course In Miracles says anger is from the ego, which is the false part of ourselves that believes in separation and fear <3

    • Julia

      Love can be in every form.
      My mom was angry about me because I didn’t come home the time I said I would. So she was worrying.
      And that is love also.
      For us women especially anger has this etiquette of inappropriate, negative… while being sad is ok.
      Anger is emotion of action. An emotion that leads us to change, to step up.
      And being human is being all sorts of emotion.
      That kind of thinking could be potentially dangerous, because anger apear naturally (it’s emotion) , and with that perspective in mind you than fell also gulit and shame of being angry. It is just hiw you express it.
      With love ❤️.

  9. This is just amasing… one of the best episode i have seen from you. LOVE!!!

  10. Loved the episode! Anger is sooo important and such a simple emotion. Unfortunately as I grew up I was taught that it was a “bad” feeling so I used other words to dilute it; frustration, exasperation, dissatisfaction, disappointment blah blah blah! It’s flippin’ anger people. I love how this episode dispels old rules of socially acceptable emotions and transforms them into what they truly are: natural. It’s all about how I use it or didn’t use it. I really appreciate the step of questioning my anger as it helps me remove the stigma I’ve attached to it and enables me to USE the energy to propel my greatest good. Thanks Marie for knocking it out of the park girl!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Well, now that you know what anger is, Gina, you can use it as fuel in the world. Removing the stigma and taking back it’s power is a beautiful thing. Keep it up!

  11. I just love you guys. The whole crew. That’s all. Thanks for being you and thanks for this wonderful and actionable message that will have such a big impact on that young girl’s life, and many more I’m sure.

    Much love from Denver,
    Katrina

  12. Beautiful! Can’t wait to share with my 5 year old son tonight. I have flipped a lengthy experience around and it’s become my entire mission! To write the book, serve, inspire and guide beautiful solo moms to be along their journey of pregnancy alone. Expanding into the area of co-parenting for some and navigating those often muddy waters. xoxoxoxo Brianna (a super jazzed up current b-school member!)

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Your mission sounds like a beautiful one, Brianna. We feel so honored that B-School is a part of it. You will help many amazing Moms along the way. We hope your son enjoys this episode- we have more and more little friends watching episodes each and every week. Sending you both a BIG Team Forleo hug. xo

    • Anne

      Brianna, Congratulations on turning your experience of solo Momhood around. I love this episode! I could have used you a time or two as I was raising my 2 daughters as a single parent. They’re all grown up and on their own and I am now working my way through BSchool with an eye to transforming my single parent and life experience (and the energy of the myriad of emotions that go along with that) into a business that will encourage and inspire others to stay their own course by reaching for LOVE as the motivating factor. Wishing you all the best in your endeavors and dreams, Brianna. Lots of LOVE, Anne XO fellow BSchooler

  13. Ilse

    Thank you for this great episode Marie. As always I love your bubbly personality and the authentic way that you use to communicate.

    Feeling anger is our heart’s way of letting us know something is wrong. There is nothing bad about it, its just an emotion. That’s why I loved your practical steps to transform anger into love.

    If you get into the practice of questioning your emotions, the negative ones will be much more short-lived and you will live more of the time in positivity.

  14. Christine Carpenter

    Good morning Marie.
    I get angry very rarely in fact I can pin point them. One that resonates, painfully was when my eighteen year old healthy nephew was killed by a brain aneurysm. I was angry at God for over a year. My heart was literally ripped. The moment I realized that I could use this to help me be more compassionate to others going through tragedies in their lives. I grew. God told me he was so sorry .. I forgave God. Life is to be lived with all of our intricate emotions and we all use them to help us and others through this beautiful journey. Emotions open up our soul house for the world to see and share a piece of who we truly are. We are incredible. I am so grateful for you Marie for your amazing gifts that you share to make this world a better place.
    God bless you Marie.
    Love,
    Christine Carpenter

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Oh, Christine, what a loss for you and your family. Your shift in perspective and focus on love is inspiring. When we use our emotions- even the hard ones- for goodness on our life journey, the more we can embrace what life sends our way.
      Thank you for sharing your experience and words with us here. They are treasures- just like you. xo

  15. Recently I transformed my anger.
    I didn’t know I was feeling anger until I realized I had become a victim over and over again..
    Also through using and playing my crystal healing bowls for others and being open to serve that my anger has been transforming moment by moment…
    Thanks Marie for allowing me to share!
    Love you and your message!

  16. That was great! Loved it and will use it in talking with my young grandsons. You did leave something out, though. One of my teachers along the path to becoming a therapist taught that “Anger is the only emotion strong enough to overcome shame.” Similar to what you were saying, Marie, about transforming energy…anger can be used to help people who have been shamed (in so many ways) to confront that shame and turn it back to the person who shamed them. So my only addition to your A to her Q is this: “Anger is a good feeling to have on board when someone says or does something to make you feel bad about yourself, or embarrassed about yourself, or small inside. If that happens, anger is exactly the right feeling to call on to say “No! You may not put me down to lift yourself up!” Not ever.

    • Great words of wisdom! I like that we get to stand up for ourselves and in doing so, ask that others develop the skill of respect, kindness, tolerance, and love.

    • Thank you for this: “You may not put me down to lift yourself up!”

  17. Dietra

    This was a great episode. My anger comes from me realizing that so much of my life has been wasted, because I allowed others to tell me how I should act, how I should feel, etc. When I didn’t act the way others thought I should act, then I was made to feel like I was wrong. I also feel anger when I see racism, and people who treat others poorly. I’m 45 years old, and it’s time I start leaving for myself. Thanks Marie.

  18. Hi Ava
    What a lovely post from our fantastic Marie this week! She’s awesome isn’t she?
    I wanted to tell you that I experienced a lot of anger growing up as a severely and profoundly deaf girl. Wasn’t permitted to learn sign language and was forced to fit in at school and everywhere by lip reading alone. This made me angry and frustrated. But now all that I’ve learned from my anger at the exclusion and the discrimination is to use it in my work, to help disabled people, women, minorities and all who are excluded feel included instead. My rage has turned into passion and I have found wonderful fulfilment in my work. I hope to pass on my passion to my own daughters so that they also find their calling through listening to the anger they feel at injustice and bigotry. Marie’s right Ava, listen to your anger, understand it and use positively: it’s rocket fuel to changing the world! Lots of love, Maria

    • That is amazing Maria, good luck for the future 😀

    • Barchi

      Maria, you are such a remarkable role model … your daughters are lucky to have you <3

  19. Rosemary Larrazabal

    Great episode. Wonderful responds.
    Love, Love, Love, that God is a black woman!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      An appearance by our beloved Elsa Isaac, Rosemary. Thanks for watching and sharing your heart with us.

  20. Marie- you did a fantastic job of answering Ava’s question. You replied in such a heart felt and empowering way (as always). Thanks for always being committed to helping us be our best~ xo

  21. Amy

    I recently (finally!) felt my anger after I endured a lot of loss over the last 3 months (my dog, my job, my car – was in an accident, car was totaled & walked away thankfully). Once I felt my anger and questioned it, I was able to transform it into visualizing the feelings that I want to feel. I visualized and focused on feeling relief from losing my job, focused on feeling joy when I get a new puppy and focused on feeling excitement and freedom when I get my new car. Thank you for sharing this story – I know I did not find it by accident.

  22. Sithisak Say

    This episode reminds me of my last term’s presentation. My teacher graded me a low score on my presentation especially on my delivery. Deep down inside me, i was actually angry and upset and disappointed, because i thought i did better than everyone else, but luckily, i smiled and didn’t lash out at her or do anything crazy. I felt angry and disappointed on my way home,
    After writing down how i felt onto my journal, i realized that, that low score and that anger actually opened my heart to look back at her advice she gave me and actually listen to them. So from that experience and lesson, I put in lots of effort and listen to her advice and apply it to this term’s presentation that in the end, i got the highest score in class for this term. This is one of the rare cases that my anger actually translated into a positive outcome.

  23. Hi Marie.

    That’s a pretty nice way to change anger into something positive.

    I still remember when I was 23, I get worked up with rude people around me and in a way I learnt that anger was not permanent.

    I get to see myself change into just like them and it bothered me so much that one fine day, I told myself to try take it easy and I finally won myself. I remained calm when one fine evening, a person became rude towards me. I chose not to react to this person who was screaming at the top of her lungs. I looked her in the eyes and used the breathing technique. To my surprise, my anger vanished in mere seconds. That day on wards, I knew anger was something that can change me into someone kinder instead of instilling hatred within me.

    Such a long reply?

    I am just happy to share and thanks for the great piece of advice Marie.

    Best wishes.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your personal experience and how you shifted your energy, and anger, in mere moments. Imagine how the world would be different if more people were able to shift their emotions in the beautiful way that you have. Thanks for being here – it means the world to us.

  24. When I was 22 I had a 1st ever seizure for no known reason. A neurologist told me shouldn’t talk about it, shouldn’t go Out alone, shouldn’t do any sports, and couldn’t drive for a year. That pissed me off!!! So I bought a bike, started riding to work and back, and converted all of that anger into 2 Olympic medals, 6 World titles, and more. Thank you Marie for showing Ava and us the real goddess within 😊

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      YES, Marion! Talk about using anger for fuel in a way that changed your life. WOW. Thank you for sharing your example with all of us- and Ava. xo

  25. This has to be one of my FAVORITE episodes!!
    In 2011 I lost my best friend (and biz partner) and business to what I saw as betrayal and selfishness. I was kicked out of my own business by an ultimatum. I felt hurt, angry, sad, not enough, etc. I cried everyday for months. And then I got angry! Fed up with feeling so victimized. It was time for me to stand up for myself and pull up my boot straps and get going. That’s when my life changed. All the yoga fluff I’d been teaching for the past 10 years needed to be put into practice. Look at my shadow self, recover from “not being enough”, move forward, find my passion, and serve others. It has taken me several years to recover. And, although I still feel hurt inside for what happened, I also feel gratitude for where it has brought me. Transforming anger into love is about Transforming our worst experiences into growth experiences. Growth=happiness! Does that mean anger = growth = happiness? With some alchemy in the equation I believe the answer is YES!

  26. Anger is not just energy, dear teacher, it is emotional response to a situation out of our control. Training people to adjust their thinking to cold energy from living form is not the wisest teaching.
    Emotions are indications to response. How well you respond to the loss of control takes mastering emotions, not dispelling energy.
    Love your work and rarely disagree.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Hi Sondra! We totally agree with you. By choosing to learn from and experience our anger, it helps us to respond to difficult situations from a more heart-centered way. It’s our hope that the steps Marie shared in this episode help others to respond effectively and productively to emotions. We’re with you 🙂

  27. I get angry when someone oversteps my boundaries. So in my view, anger is this really helpful emotion alerting me that something isn’t right, and that I need to step up and draw a line! This can concern other people as well as myself, and as Marie said, the key is to allow the anger, experience it, and then use it to take some positive action.

    Also, you go Ava! Keep asking questions and never stop thinking about the answers for yourself. You rock <3

  28. First of all, Ava rocks!!! What a brilliant question. I was raised in a household where anger was “bad” and it took me many years (and lots of money) to get in touch with my anger. It’s one of the most valuable emotions, because it tells you that one of your boundaries has been crossed. It’s a reminder of what values matter to you, and/or a need that you have. When we learn to harness our anger for good, we can quickly identify the emotion and look inside ourselves to ask, “what are you trying to tell me?” Once we’ve pinpointed what our anger is telling us, we can thank it, accept it, and let the emotion go. Emotions are caused by our thoughts being temporarily experienced in the body – even if we aren’t even fully aware of what the thought is yet. Our bodies are wise! Listen and learn.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Ava DOES rock, Samara. You’re so right.
      Our bodies are so smart and intuitive. They’re always giving us clues about what’s REALLY going on. When we quiet the noise and listen to what she’s saying, magic happens. Thanks for sharing your words with us.

  29. Sandra

    Absolutely loved this episode and your response! So much of life can be
    spent on what is perceived as negative, bad or not valuable and we feel hopeless or helpless. Once we start to peel back the immediate feeling we often can discover the positive – learn a bit more about ourselves and our God given gifts. Anger (along with the rest of the emotional clan) provides for this insight into ourselves. I find when I stop at the beginning of these emotional feelings, I block my chance to reflect on what I should be and do. The habit of going through the full process often gets me on the higher pathway, which ultimately was the lesson to be learned.
    Thank you for opening up our thinking today!

  30. Only you Marie would acknowledge every girl on the planet no matter what her age. Thank you for answering this “Q” for Ava. You just have a way of being that I admire so much. Wish I could pick your brain for a day! Thank you for existing and being so authentic. Loved this episode!

  31. This is sublime advice, as always. And I wonder if Eva wasn’t asking about herself and her own anger. I worry that she was asking about her dad or some other adult in her life:( The advice in the episode is still really valuable, of course! Blessings!

  32. Anna

    Great message! My parents (like many possibly) viewed anger as a “bad thing.” Now that I have years of experience, children and grandchildren I have learned when I feel anger I can channel it in a positive fashion and boy, is it powerful!! That’s not to say that I have always been able to do that, but I continue to work on it. THE most difficult is when dealing with others who don’t deliver on their end repeatedly, poor leadership in a company, selfish family members — all these can try our patience for sure. What has helped me is not knee-jerking and trying to step back before reacting. This may sound silly, but I talk to myself to actually hear my thoughts out loud and this brings tranquility as well. Thanks for sharing!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Anna! It doesn’t sound silly at all– giving ourselves the same grace and space that we give others is such a simple, yet powerful way to practice compassion. As with everything in life, the goal is “progress, not perfection”, and we’re so glad this message connected with you today. Thanks for being part of our community!

  33. Amy

    Hi Emma! I love your question, and I loved Marie’s answer.

    I also want to address a different aspect of anger, which is that sometimes when we see other people being angry, it doesn’t look like they’ve transformed it into a positive response, it just looks like they’re having a tantrum. It can be scary and disturbing, especially when we see an adult do it. The thing I’ve realized is that even adults are still learning and growing, and an adult temper tantrum is a sign that the adult is still learning to transform their anger into a loving response. (And if it is harmful to others, you have a right to be angry about it, and express it in a way that feels safe.)

    I also want to add that by a loving response, we don’t mean loving like “Nice and Sweet and obedient,” we mean a response that is intentional and for the greater good. A strong, loving response, using one’s anger as fuel, can be very powerful. It can be done without a smile. It can be a drawing a firm boundary. It can be bringing up a topic again and again until you get the response that feels right, and the answer that feels good. Keep listening to that “still, small voice inside,” like Marie said, because that is your inner guidance, and the more you stay connected to that, the more you listen to that, the more connected you will be to both yourself and God.

  34. Hi Eva and Marie,
    I have used anger as one of the main emotions to create fuel for athletic performance, in fact, I went as far as creating an entire fitness method that focuses on transmuting the negative emotions into new renewable energy. That’s right Eva, do you know there are ways to use garbage to create energy to light up our town and warm up our homes? We can do the same with emotions we don’t like. Lots of love to you and your mom! P.S. Marie, thank you for your interpretation of God.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      You rock, Rakel! We’re thrilled that this message is so closely aligned with your own work. What a cool metaphor about transforming emotions into energy– thanks so much for sharing!

  35. Hi Emma, I found that when I became angry it was because my values of truth and fairness and integrity were being compromised. Indeed there have been times when I became aware I had made someone else angry and so had to re=evaluate my own behaviour and ask myself: ” What did I do to make her/him feel angry, was I being true to MY values?” A big one., and because of the Law of Attraction I pretty much attracted the same behaviour to me, because that’s the way this Law or God works. What we give out, we get back. I dealt with anger by as Marie said feeling it in my body and then taking deep breathes and breathing it out and doing something positive which takes courage.

  36. sharon ilstrup

    A woman was attacked and nearly killed, in a park not far from our home. The attack happened at 5pm, on a path, alongside a busy road while this woman was walking her dog. The attacker tried to strangle her…he beat her, broke her elbow and nearly killed her. She fought back HARD and a passerby heard her screams. The attacker ran..leaving behind the shoelace he used to strangle her. I didn’t hear about this right after it happened. It was a weeks later that this tiny line popped up in my feed about a woman being attacked: http://www.ci.redmond.wa.us/cms/One.aspx?portalId=169&pageId=190331 I was so angry! I was angry that this was the ONLY coverage…WHY weren’t all the news stations covering this?!!! I was angry that this happened in our small town. I was angry that he was still at large!!!! I called someone I know at KOMO TV, I called the police, I called Q13, the local papers, KIRO 7, KING 5. Within a day, there was a sketch of the attacker. The community was enraged….they wanted to come together to voice their concern. I had this incredible pull to do something so I created a walk in the park..a “take back our park” walk, in a way. Someone called it “A walk for safety” to raise awareness. A walk to honor the survivor of this attack. All the TV stations and newspapers came…the victim/survivor released a statement that I read to the large crowd – which was super powerful for her, we walked along the path where she was attacked. The Sheriff came, the police came. It was a super powerful community event to honor this woman and to use our collective anger for good. http://www.king5.com/article/news/local/walk-for-safety-held-after-marymoor-park-attack/299960495 He was caught (due to the DNA on the shoelace)…and is in a mental hospital..sadly, he’s been found incompetent to stand trial. 🙁 I remember thinking “HOW am I doing this?” I just had shoulder surgery and was exhausted….It’s amazing what anger can push you to do. It’s a force to be reckoned with…a force for GOOD if used the way it’s meant to be used.

  37. Oh my God, so lovely and I felt so nice.
    I have experienced anger while building my business when so many people tried to discourage me, or making that more difficult but I can say that it is true that it pushed me to do more.
    Just sometimes I could not control it…but while watching I remember how many times I let go the negativity of being angry and turn it into positive actions.
    Thank you for sharing.

  38. Great episode Marie and team, and great question Ava!
    I’ve learned so much about anger from observing my kids, who feel their feelings more naturally than most grown ups who have un-learned or simply forgotten how to feel and release them. Most often I find that underneath anger is a hurt of some kind. It helps me to know this first so that I can get curious about what that might be, and this helps me actually solve the problem. (Usually a misunderstanding of some kind, because I believe that deep down people are good, even if they’ve forgotten their goodness!) If we don’t reflect on the hurt that ignited the anger in the first place, it gets buried and comes out sideways later on because we’ve held onto it in our body. Hope this helps!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Cory. Anger is often a symptom or expression of a deeper pain that we can’t always see. Imagine the world we’d live in if we showed ourselves the same tenderness, patience, and love that we give children. It sounds like you’re already setting a beautiful example for your own kids to look up to, which is such a gift. Thanks for being part of our bighearted community!

      • Thank you Hailey. I don’t always get it right, but I’m so grateful for the awareness I continue to build through the parenting dance. We’re intentionally co-creating together and figuring it out as we go. Kind of like growing a business together, but with non-financial reward! 🙂

  39. * Anger is a blind bold unknown Way.
    * Anger is a Unknown pathway which didn’t shows any kind love but Hater’s way of losing of our positive energy to wrong negatively to totally negative Energy in such a thing Man or a Women lost their wholly Love life to Evil Lifestyle. !!
    * Anger is a base of strong powerfully wonderfully beautifully luxurious Lifestyle’s for ever and Ever !!

    * My dear Marie you’re are my precious gift from my god Lord of this Universe of such Wonderfully beautifully people just like you’re my dear lovable Sweet Love. !!

    * LOVE. !!
    $* N. A. R. E. S. H *$

  40. My granddaughter has struggled with anger issues and I believe she can benefit from you A to Ava’s Q. In fact, I think we can all benefit, young and seasoned. Thanks for “nailing it” 😉

  41. Always love watching you! Great content and funny too! 💚💛

  42. Clementine

    Five friends and I got so angry witnessing the injustice that refugees escaping war had to endure, living in camps in dire conditions and not being welcomed in our rich countries after having suffered so much, that we took matters in our own hands: we asked our friends for money and started to help people stranded in Greece. We became a charity Three Peas, and have now helped hundreds if not thousands of people directly with our housing program or indirectly with our goods collections and deliveries. It’s a drop in the ocean but it’s a good drop, and all because we are six VERY ANGRY women.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      That’s incredible, Clementine! What a beautiful example of using your anger to fuel your actions in a positive and profound way. We’re grateful for the heart and hard work you’ve all invested, and your commitment to supporting so many refugees around the world. Thanks so much for sharing!

  43. Paula

    As a 40-something MF fan and B-Schooler I personally would love to see more “Auntie Marie” lessons for the kid on all of us. This was BEYOND superb for kids from 6 to 106. Thank you team MF. Brilliant as ALWAYS.

  44. Alyse

    I do believe anger and sadness and any not so great emotions. I believe that all of our emotions combing is what makes us and creates depth. Otherwise we’d look 😁 all the time. We would be so superficial and we would be like robots. Many times I’ve been angry and depressed from people judging me. So I felt my anger in my chest and channeled it and let it ball up while I tried so hard not to lash out at the people hurting me. Because I decided that’s not the person I wanted to be anymore and getting even has never worked. So I learned to not let it bother me and I focused all that anger on improving myself in different ways. Now I’ve out-grown many of the people who once put me down. And not only that but because I choose not to hurt them back, some people have come back to apologise and I have even become friendly with some, also after seeing the growth in me, it has motivated others to take a good look at themselves and want to better themselves. As the saying goes, be the change you want to see in the world. I believe that we all want to make an impact, though sometimes we go about it the wrong way. I believe it’s part of our purpose in life. I heard before that God works through people.

  45. Nandi

    The answer to this question was well thought through. And in it’s simplicity it’s about redirecting the energy so that all things can come into the light. If we don’t get angry without it we won’t compress ourselves enough to lend a hand towards changing the environment within the situation.

  46. Dionne

    I like how Marie said that anger is a natural emotion. That it is just energy. There certainly has been many times when I’ve felt anger rise within me – generally over something said, or done, or sometimes when things are not done to how I would like them to be done. I’ve come to realise that anger, when used negatively can be incredibly destructive – there have been many times when I’ve spoken harsh angry words or acted out in an angry way and I so wished I could have taken it back! I know in my heart of hearts that I don’t really want to hurt anyone and sometimes by lashing out I hurt not only someone else but myself as well.

    Knowing that I can transform my ‘anger’ into something good and perhaps something even positive feels good to me. Now when I feel the beginning signs of anger start to swell in my chest – I do my best to catch myself mentally in the early stages before the momentum gets going and before the emotion starts charging. I make the decision right then and there that I want to feel good – no matter what – and I do my best to look for the positive aspects in that person or in that situation. I’ve found that with a little bit of focus I can normally find something positive and my anger subsides. And if I can’t then I move away from that person or situation and redirect my attention onto something else. I find something else to love and appreciate around me or in my environment. I sing out loud – or even in my head, I dance in my living room, I go for a walk in the garden, I close my eyes and have a little day dream, I do anything that helps me to feel a little better. Very quickly I find the anger dissolves and I’m back to being me and I’m much happier for it and I didn’t sink any submarines in the process!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing, Dionne! We’re so glad Marie’s message resonated with you today. It’s wonderful that you’ve already experienced the positive effects that redirecting negative energy into activities that you love can have. Keep singing, dancing, and celebrating the beauty in the world!

  47. When I was going through an excruciating divorce, I felt like my limbs were being torn from my body. I was a fiery kind of angry. Some days, even a decade later, I still am. But that anger fueled me to take care of myself and my toddler son more fiercely than I ever had before. My life on the other side of divorce is bigger, happier and healthier than I could have dreamed. I used that anger to build a site, podcast and community for single moms. And today, I am not only a writer, I am a certified divorce coach so I can guide other women out of the anger and pain and into the big, beautiful beyond of their own lives. My anger helped launch a new part of my career and helped me hear a calling to serve mothers more intensively. When I released small bits of anger, it helped me find huge pools of peace in unexpected places. Divorce, it turns out, has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. Isn’t that something wonderful that came out of anger?

  48. I liked your response Marie! And have two other thoughts about anger. I especially, valued how you stress the GREAT value of being self-reflective when it happens.
    1. Anger is considered a “secondary” emotion which means another feeling actually triggered it. The first emotion may and often is “hurt” or “fear.” If we consider which first emotion caused that anger, then it will help us be clear, in control and often heal some belief that may no be serving us. And crystal , an either new way or firming up a solid way of perceiving a situation is not only healthy but great for new and exciting ways of seeing and believing.
    2. I think anger was created to instinctively and instantly set limits or boundaries about something we may not like or even believe. This, as Marie says then gives us a great opportunity to evaluate our reaction and decide what we actually think or believe. It might be an old idea that we were taught and maybe don’t believe anymore or an old “hurt” that has little to do with the situation. Considering, the “hurt” or “fear” instead of the anger can help us heal very old wounds.

  49. Pratima

    I’m always looking to use anger to create value so that this energy is purposeful

  50. Marie,
    Thank you so much for taking this question from such an inspired and still influential little girl. When I saw the subject line of this email it couldn’t have gone more appropriately to the type of morning I was having, but I also thought that was bold and brave of you to bring up God and speak about listening to him/her in our own way in your episode. I think too many people are too afraid of crossing church/state/spiritual opinions into business yet feel that is where a majority of the world needs it most. This made me respect and love you even more ❤️. There are so many scriptures relating to business, how to run it, manage it and how to make your business thrive that can apply to anyone. Using anger to motivate and turn that energy into what you want is a choice that may be difficult but oh so rewording when done right… And your 3 steps are perfect 😉. I’m sure you might get negative feedback on this too however, I know you’ll take any negative energy and turn it into good to rock it even more! Thanks again for bringing up such an important discussion.
    God bless to all 🙏🏼

    • I agree with you; isn’t it a shame we have to be ashamed to talk about GOD, when we so need the spirit and presence of God, as the world turns into a sometimes sad and horrific place. We need God more than ever; with shootings, fires, hurricanes, and a plethora of other items, NOW is the time to talk with God.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Julie! We’re so glad this message connected with you at the perfect moment today. Thanks for adding your voice to this important conversation, we’re grateful to have you in our world!

  51. As always, and even more so here, dear Marie, you created a brilliant video!
    Something that helps me a lot deal with anger is to re-frame it with this question: What is my anger standing for? This helps me get into the softer feeling that lies underneath anger… Ava, if you are reading this: wow! How deep is your question and what a wise and smart little girl you are! keep questioning and searching for the answers that resonate best with you. xx

  52. I believe the difference between a response and a reaction to anger is a breath. I always try to take a breath, BEFORE I respond to someone who has upset me. And most often, say a quick prayer as well. If we weren’t ever angry or upset, we’d probably see no reason to take those much needed breaths and talk to God.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Danielle! Our breath is the simplest, yet most powerful tool we have, and a reminder of our humanness. Thanks so much for sharing!

  53. Dear Ava, I felt angry that our culture makes pregnant couples think the main thing need to do to prepare for having a baby is buy a bunch of stuff. I felt angry that our culture makes brand-new mamas feel they should work instead of rest — and not ask for help. Then, like Marie said, I transformed my feeling into a positive force. I created a beautiful book for new parents to let them know about the most important things they need and their babies need. It’s called “Zero to Five,” and it’s helping people all over the world. I hope you will let us know what you do with your anger! Love, Tracy

  54. I actually just posted about anger yesterday! It is true that we are often made to feel like we “shouldn’t” be feeling it, but it is very healthy and just like you say Marie, it can be transformed. The anger I experienced yesterday was the result of witnessing an altercation on the subway – one person being very mean to another. It made me angry that someone was threatening another innocent person who had done nothing wrong. I got an MTA employee and she called for help. Some of the anger I felt yesterday was at how little control we have sometimes, and how the world around us is always changing. After this incident, I walked around the downtown NYC area and happened to come upon “Fearless Girl” – this could not have been a coincidence. As scary as life/the world might seem sometimes – like an unpredictable beast – we can be pleasantly surprised by our own ability to face it. To use the anger we might feel at a certain situation and transform it into action. Anger can empower us to do the right thing. Thank you Marie, and Ava for the excellent question!

  55. I was severely cyber bullied for years, and was letting anger and fear ruin and run my life. I they finally through lots of prayers asking to be given rescue found a way to transform that anger into helping young people conquer bullying especially the online bullying that can be crippling. I started E Power Concert School Tours, with young singers and facilitators going to schools across Canada into schools trying to build up self esteem and repair the wounds that were caused between bullies and the bullied.
    Hurt people hurt people…and hurt people are also the best people to help people. I chose to be the latter…I wanted to help people (helping youth stop the toxic bullying online).

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Amazing, Jennifer! We’re so sorry to hear you were bullied for so many years, though it’s wonderful that you’re using your own experience to connect with and support others in such a powerful and creative way. We’re so grateful to have you in our bighearted community!

  56. Marie, I just love that you made God a brown skin woman :).

    Love and appreciate you and all that you do! Currently going through B-School for the second time and making LOTS of progress on growing my business. And Imma swing back through the Copy Cure when I’m done with B-school :).

    Wishing you nothing but the best and much continued success!

  57. Great question, Ava!
    I was angry one day when I went to the store and couldn’t find any energy bars that I felt good about eating. They all had way to much sugar. So I used that anger to create Shift Bars – they’re organic and only have 1 gram of sugar – and we’re launching this week!!!! I’m so grateful to my anger for inspiring me to make something healthy and delicious for people that allows me to make a living doing something I love.
    Anger is just your body’s way of letting you know that you’re thinking about something differently than you Inner Being sees it. So feel it and shift your thinking by asking, “How does God see this situation?” And the answer to that question is always ” with love.” That’ll give you the best way to respond and transcend your anger. Be blessed!

  58. Nicky

    Ava, thank you for being a voice for all of our inner child’s. This was my favorite Marie Tv yet. What an awesome question to ask. You must have such a wonderful mommy! When the feeling of anger arises inside of me, my favorite way to transform the energy is through gardening. I love to get outside and pull weeds or trim dead off plants or trim a tree. Sometimes I’ll even dig a hole and plant a seed… maybe a sunflower or a tomatoe or a borage(Honey bees love this purple flower and you can eat them too, they taste like candy!)… and I will infuse the seed with the intention to grow more love or joy or harmony or whatever I am wanting in my life and in the the world. I think Nature uses our anger as fertilizer for her garden and when that new seed sprouts and blosoms it’s a sign from God that no matter what we feel inside Love always blooms in the end! Love you Ava and Marie!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      LOVE this, Nicky! Your words paint a beautiful picture. Nature is truly the ultimate example of transforming energy into beauty, that in turn nourishes others (like our precious honey bees!). Thanks so much for sharing!

  59. One thing that makes me super angry is shows like The Voice and The X Factor that in the earlier rounds deliberately take people who don’t have much singing skill, and put them on stage to ridicule them. It makes my blood boil, because the people who watch these shows internalise the ‘I can’t sing, so I shouldn’t’ message, and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy the wonderful feelings of singing in groups or in an audience. Some just don’t sing at all. I’ve used this anger towards these shows to become a singing teacher, helping people to discover and develop their singing voices, and to believe in themselves once more.

    I believe that humans are as meant to sing as birds are, and that nearly all of us (unless we have difficulties with the mechanics of our voices or our hearing) can learn to sing well given the right advice and encouragement. There are plenty of groups of non-Western humans who are all able to sing and do so from the earliest age without ever internalising the damaging message ‘I can’t sing’. And I’ve seen people really turn their voices around when they are simply given permission to sing and believe in themselves.

    I always say that good singing is at least 60% about what’s going on in your head. If you convince yourself that you can’t sing, you’ll probably find it a lot harder than someone who believes in themselves, or is willing to give it a go.

  60. I love that today is the day that I received this message. I wish I had received it before yesterday evening when I delved into a serious bout of destructive anger. However, I know it’s the reason the message is so loud and clear to me today. Thanks to young AVA who was brave enough to share her question and curious enough to even ask the question in the first place.

  61. Kathryn

    Well done Marie! And thanks Ava (and Ava’s supportive Mom) for the awesome question. Susan David, Ph.D, has a great Ted Talk/book about “Emotional Agility” as well if anyone wants to explore more.
    Thank you Marie for your humor and introducing and/or reminding others of Dr. Maya Angelou’s amazing words/lessons!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad you enjoyed this episode today, Kathryn! Thanks so much for tuning in and sharing Susan’s powerful TEDtalk on this topic with us.

  62. JOANNA NEWMAN

    Hi!
    I think anger is an emotion that is a guardian. It’s job is to protect us from behaviours that hurt or disrespect us, or people we care about.
    Joanna

  63. I never knew how to allow myself to deal with anger and now I know it can propel me to get things done in a positive way and still allow myself to feel the feeling and it is ok. I do not have to hide the emotion like I use to. Thanks for confirming this Marie!

  64. Milad Khosseini

    Hi Marie, another great episode. Thank you for your insights, we (your fans) learn a lot from you.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Milad! We’re grateful to have you in our world.

  65. Mary Ann

    I’ve been an advocate for various “causes” my entire life. It’s afforded me a way to channel my anger and frustration into action.

    While deep breathing, Emotional Freedom Technique and even crying help me feel and then process that energy, I love best that we can then use it to take action to change things we don’t like.

    When I was Ava’s age, action included talking through the anger, probably a bit of yelling, then praying for people and issues I was concerned about, helping raise funds through bake sales etc.

    As I got older, it involved standing up for the folks being teased (even when it was me being picked on…); being part of student council; making sure we recycled what we could (back in the day, that was taking the glass soda bottles back to the store); writing letters to my elected officials (you don’t have to be old enough to vote to make your voice heard); participating in fundraising walks/runs/book-a-thons, etc.; making donations to those less fortunate (cash and/or items I no longer needed).

    As an adult, I’ve continued all those things I did when younger and made a career out of channeling my anger into helping others by working mostly in nonprofits. Frustrated the ocean is polluted – work for an environmental organization. Angry beyond belief folks are dying from HIV/AIDS – do PR/Communications for an organization that advocates for funding to help educate about the disease, break stereotypes and save lives.

    Also, I make sure I am educated on the issues and vote at the polls, as well as with my dollars; ResistBot daily (send eblasts to my elected officials) on topics I’m concerned about; educate and inform others; etc.

    I’ve also done professional advocacy for charities where we met with elected officials on the local, state and federal level to ask for change…and then got even more upset when it didn’t happen and had to find more ways to make the changes I wanted!

    The truth is, we can all be kind, stand up for/with someone who is being picked-on or bullied, give food or drink to someone who is hungry/thirsty, support a toy drive for a local charity, etc.

    We can see what we are angry about, why it makes us angry and decide to do something productive with it (or at least not destructive). If you are still having a hard time dealing with the anger, I find talking it out with a trusted friend (or the dog) helps, taking a walk or dancing around the room helps. Yes, sometimes I have to yell into my pillow to get it up and out so then I can do something to make the world a better place with it.

    Remember, like Marie said – anger is energy. It is not really bad and not really good. But, it can be used for good. There is power in your anger….learning how to harness it can help you grow as an individual and make the world a better place for yourself adn others!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      You’re amazing, Mary Ann! It’s so wonderful that you’ve used your own anger to fuel so many positive actions that have made such a profound impact in the world. We’re grateful to have you in our bighearted community and for your commitment to supporting others. Thanks for adding your voice to this important conversation!

  66. I wish more people knew that anger is the breath of motivation. All energy can be transformed. I used to teach Anger Management techniques to teenagers, and it something I really believe should be taught in schools: how ot feel, question and transform it like this.

    I often get angry when something that goes against what I think SHOULD happen: so if I believe people should be polite, someone might be rude to me, or if I thought someone should keep their word, and they forget: I might feel anger.
    Being able to use this as a little nudge of “hey, this is a opportunity to get clear on what they believe, and maybe stop this happening again” is so useful. Especially as sometimes, it helps me to have that conversation to realise they have their OWN beliefs, and that it’s okay to be different. I now have a close friend who I know won’t be on time for our meetings, but I also know not to take it personally, and that she usually has a good reason once I ask.

  67. Chad Robertson

    Thank you for making God a woman of color. We all need to see more representation like this. Thank you!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      You’re so welcome, Chad. We couldn’t agree more.

  68. As if I didn’t LOVE you before, I love that you framed it in a way that a 6 year old would understand. Often when I ask people for help understanding something that’s very unclear to me, I tell them, “Talk to me like I’m 5”, LoL.
    To answer your question, people usually say what they love about being around me is that I’m always so happy and positive. Your explanation explains that I’m actually a very angry person. I just choose to channel it differently than others. I wrote a poem back in ’96 that explains called, “The World I See Begins With Me”. I wrote it when my kids were young and I took ownership of my my role in the world as a mother and what a difference I could make in just that role. Then 20 years later, it [the poem] resurfaced for me when I discovered entrepreneurship. Now I started a nonprofit, Life Teaches Foundation, to create the world I want to see. I see it as there are too many things in this world that need to be changed and I got tired of waiting for someone else to “fix” them, so I’m on my way to do it myself (inspiring others to make an impact). I’d be honored if you would consider talking with me so I could tell you more or share the poem with you. (I don’t want to chance getting kicked off here for adding a link.) Stay amazing and know I love you!

  69. Ava, I’ve discovered that anger is a strong feeling that helps me understand what is important to me. Several times things happened or people said very unkind things to me; it hurt so much!… I was inspired because of that to take steps in a positive direction. Because of my positive actions I’ve had a successful career & interesting life. Try to look for the positive in any situation. All the best to you! Roxanne

  70. Jutta

    super cute, marie. I transform my anger in action where i have to use my body like cleaning, bicycle riding (no, that to easy), gardening, building, moving my furniture and so on. and after that i am so so happy about having transformed the bad mood of my colleague into something very good for myself 😉

  71. Lol! That was awesome! Funny you say it’s like fuel. I used to be very angry daily, and used that energy to do tree work and landscaping for years. I did make a lot of money, but I created a habit of daily anger which eventually became hard to sustain and stressful. I could have used it even more productively if I had questioned it more to come up with more positive outcomes. I’ve broken the habit, though of course I do sometimes get angry. Now I will use it to make the world a better place. Thanks for the helpful tips!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      That’s quite the journey, David. How keen and smart of you to observe your own behavior, coupled with the business that you built, and chose to change.
      Congrats on the shift to use it to make the world better. *high five*

  72. Thank you for this insightful episode Marie!

    I had an experience over a year ago where I felt anger (which I prefer to view to as righteous indignation, wink-wink). Someone whose decisions impacted my life chose to significantly compromise the values we had agreed that we both felt were important. I was so disheartened by this situation and how it would impact so many people’s lives. So, I took my concerns to God to learn what I could do.

    God did not smite the other individual for compromising her values. Instead, He poured out on me the most incredible divine download which immediately changed my angry energy into positive action. God answered my prayer with a simple story which I scribbled furiously on a piece of scratch paper on my nightstand. That simple little story which was the divine download became a beautiful book over the next several months. It was the story of a Little Leader who learns what it means to truly be a leader when she goes through a defining moment where her intuition kicks into action to defend someone else. God also orchestrated the illustration of this book by divinely connecting me with a DreamWorks illustrator who produced the most amazing illustrations that capture the hearts and minds of adults and children alike.

    I’d love for Ava to have a copy of my book, The Cape: What does it mean to be a leader? as a gift from me. God was trying to teach the exact principles Marie explained today in this book: Listen to that voice inside you. Trust your gut and follow your intuition. We need each other. We are so much better together and nothing is impossible when we work together. And most importantly, the answer is always LOVE.

    As adults, we face complex problems that lead us to feel complex emotions like anger. In the end, however, the instruction to unravel that anger are simple, simple enough for a child to understand. I hope the simpleness of the 3 steps Marie suggested don’t dissuade the people who need them. These are Power Principles for adults and children alike!

    More power to you Marie!

    • Nicole

      This is Ava’s Mom. My name is Nicole. I checked out your kickstarter and your book looks incredible! It’s so neat how things like this connect us. Feel free to email me direct at PrincessNikko@gmail.com.

  73. Hello Ava!
    Anger can help us protect ourselves or others. It gives us super-natural strength in dangerous or challenging situations. When I was a single mom, anger helped me take the steps to get the help my family really needed.

    It’s also the emotion of “doing”. When I feel angry I ask myself, how can I use this hot, active energy to get something done!

    Anger tells me when something isn’t in harmony in my world. It whispers to me of deeper desires to change. I look deeply and see what I might need–a safe haven, peace, something that will bring me an experience of accomplishment that I can have just for me.

    And Anger warns me when someone is trying to be unhelpful by bringing their “circus” into my “playground”. Then I can exercise me “no thank you” and let them know I’m not interested in playing their game that might hurt me or others. Maybe I have to reach out to someone older, more experienced, or even protective to help me.

  74. Meredith Liepelt

    Best Marie TV eva!

  75. What a great episode! I have to say this…..I just love you Marie and Team Forleo.

    Anger was the push that took me down the path of self healing and self discovery. I think anger can be a great teacher. Many times our anger is showing us something about ourselves that needs to be healed and for me, many times anger is pointing to something that I need to forgive myself for.

    Anger has also gotten me more involved in causes or movements that are important to me. It has also been the push I needed to take risks as well.

    It is when we refuse to acknowledge our anger or learn from it that it becomes hurtful and destructive. I try to no longer allow that to happen.

    Thank you again for another beautiful and thought provoking video.

    Lots of love,

    Monica

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Taking risks and shifting where the energy goes are two beautiful ways to use anger for goodness for you and your life, Monica. All we can do is try and improve little by little each day. xo

  76. Bonnie

    Hi Ava
    Marie gave you a wonderful answer to your question. I also believe anger, like all other emotions, are part of the human experience. Emotions are our toolbox for life while we are on earth. Sometimes you can not fix the external cause of anger. Don’t feel you have to or you will be in a constant state of ‘I have to fix this.’ What anger can do is strengthen and clarify your own standards as you grow up. It can be used to make you be the best you can be and grow into a person with integrity. If every 6 year old did that the world would have less to be angry about.

  77. This is fabulous, and very timely- since for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s Spring. Our culture has a too-narrow definition of anger, and I wholeheartedly agree with your message about anger, Marie! I, myself, have lost some serious time trying to push it away, or feeling of ashamed of it. But it’s what finally got me up and moving. It’s what ultimately became the catalyst for game-changing levels of showing up for my life. Anger is the life force energy that pushes the bud through the thick mud. We don’t want to live on anger street, but sometimes, we take a drive down it so that we can get to that beautiful, honest vista ahead. xo

  78. My immediate memory went to a little girl with braids flying apart who stomped her foot and said, “No! I am NOT going to play.” She marched off the field, angry that her friend Maria, a farm worker, wouldn’t be allowed to play alongside her. Yes, Follow Thy Anger. I think a huge portion of the country is doing that right now.

  79. Heather

    This was a fantastic video for a little girl who was experiencing anger herself. But was she clear about this…? “Why did God create anger?” What if this isn’t about her? What if a parent or caregiver is angry, a peer at school is angry and bullying her on the playground…? What if a friend is being targeted by abusive behavior or a family member has been on the receiving end of violence? She may have also been exposed to anger with regard to today’s political climate and any upset she’s likely seen on the news or marching and protesting in the streets (if she’s exposed to it). I loved this video – but I’m wondering if this was the answer she was *really* looking for…?
    Anger is so complicated – it’s not a fairytale. Love you, Marie TV! xo

  80. Hello, Marie and Ava,

    This officially marks my break from silence with respect to joining the MarieTV blog conversation. Thank you, Marie, for your ongoing commitment to bringing meaningful content to anyone who seeks it, free of charge.

    To Ava, thank you for your brave question. I found anger rearing its head inside me in response to school shootings and a lack of change in gun reform. As an artist, I realized I possess power to affect the conversation through my paintings. I created a 3-foot by 5-foot oil painting of a young girl riding bareback with her arms outstretched among a herd of wild horses running through a field. The sun aligns with the girl in a colorful sunrise. Rather than combat anger with more anger, I chose to bring more love into the world. I chose to remind people of our shared humanity and the innocent child that lives in all of us.

    With love,
    Betsie

  81. 💖💖💖
    Oooh Eva – I was so angry when my ankle got busted due to someone else’s mistake. I definitely did Step 1 –
    I felt it for sure. Mad, blaming, wanted that someone to get in trouble for what they did wrong.
    Got tired of feeling all that. So on to Step 2 – this one took me a little while. Questions, curiosity-hmmmmm… One thing for sure, once I started asking those questions, my ankle healed a LOT faster – for reals.
    Step 3 TRANSFORMATION!!!! Turned that anger into a whole new direction for my life!! Led me to Marie and B-school and woohoo!! Thank you, God!!!!! You are beauty-full!!!! And you too, Eva!!
    Rock on!!
    -Niffer

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Niffer, we’re so glad that your transformation has brought you to the B-School family. What a gift. Here’s to healing and transforming one day at a time. xo

  82. Niffer Clarke

    P.S. Ava – I’m sorry I spelled your name wrong. 😟

  83. L

    Love this message. I need the courage to transfer it into what I’d like to transfer it to, and help people, though… I am always the most angry at myself! I recently ended a relationship with a narcissist/alcoholic. The anger that comes from all of it is intense. The anger towards myself for staying silent so many times when I should have spoken up. “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I try to be gentle and forgive myself, concentrate on the present and that I am taking care of me now. Turning that frustration and anger into love— I entered a tryptich art piece into an art show with a writing piece, with a religious tone, that went with it, expressing my feelings for friends and significant others who “learn not to sentimentalize mental illness” (as Elizabeth Gilbert put it). One girl said it really helped her. Different drawings were accepted into more art exhibits on my feelings about this period of my life. I’m currently writing a blog on how to laugh at yourself (which only confident people can do) and putting myself back out there in baby steps. I plan on writing a memoir, and this is where I need courage… Writing this involves other people. I’d like to focus on the miracles I’ve seen throughout this healing process. It will be the most naked form of expression I’ve ever attempted. I just keep praying that God will be the water and I will be the faucet, as Marie and Marianne Williamson say…

    • L

      Also! I did B-school during that period! 😉

      • L

        AND! I’m doing more boudoir posts in my photography business, empowering women of all body types to own their beauty.

  84. Ooooohhhhh…do I love this! Hello Marie (and Ava!). I am a new B-Schooler and while working through the modules decided to take a break and watch something happy and upbeat – and there YOU were. I have a wonderful story that might help Ava understand the positive power of anger. Here’s the Reader’s Digest condensed version. At the age of 45, I was going through a divorce…it was the day of our final hearing and the judge asked me how I planned to support myself since I had given up my career in the legal field to stay home and raise our three children. Although nobody in my family had ever gone to college, and I had previously dropped out after one semester because of struggles with a learning disorder, I told the judge I wanted to go to college and earn my paralegal degree so that I could re-enter the legal field. Upon my response, I looked over to see my husband (very soon to be ex-husband) and his attorney laughing…not just quiet, veiled laughter, but hearty HAHAHA-type laughter!!! I felt so ashamed…and ANGRY!
    A few months later, I enrolled in college. Opting out of a career in the legal field, I changed my major to psychology and two weeks shy of my 50th birthday, I graduated from college. Part of my learning disability has to do with memory and retention which makes it difficult for me to work with numbers. In order to graduate I had to take a year and a half of statistics along with college math classes. And, here’s where I used that anger for GOOD – every single time I started to doubt I could earn a college degree, I thought about being laughed at in the courtroom!!! It helped me push through some really hard stuff. It helped me to work hard and do my very best every single day. I never gave up! I hope that helps Ava :).

    • Thank you for sharing this uplifting story, Victoria. I never tire of hearing stories about women with grown children who decide to do an about-face and daringly pursue a new career. I wish you happiness and success!

  85. Marie,
    You are wonderful! I LOVE you and I love this episode. You are just adorable! And this is just so heart centered and fun.
    Thank you for bringing light and a loving touch to the difficult challenge of experiencing and working through anger.
    I have sometimes been afraid to express my anger because I’ve been taught that it is not loving or feminine. And if I am not acting lovingly and feminine, I have fear I won’t be loved. But this is not true. I must trust my heart’s passion and act on it. Usually this means I must speak my truth with conviction, confidence and respect for myself and others. As Marie says, anger is a natural emotion and I believe we all should have the right to feel and express it.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Shelly, isn’t it amazing what we tell ourselves over and over again as truth when in reality we can question, and shift it, at any time in our life?! Feel it. Express it. And you’re still the fabulous and feminine woman that you already are.

      • Hi Heather, Yes, that’s true and since I was conditioned to believe this from infancy as many of us were, I am passionate about healing this limiting belief in our world by honoring the feminine. Please take a look at my video for the scholarship to B-School https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BqVopK8iYM. I didn’t make the deadline because I didn’t know what I was doing and was trying to fit in my talk in 90 seconds without editing. But I am so happy I did it because it has helped be hone in on my why. I am in B-school 2018 and continuing to work on it. : )

  86. Hi Ava,
    I first experienced my own anger when I was just as old as you are and I was an immigrant here in America. It was a hard time for our country and there were many angry people here, especially grown-ups. I did not learn how to properly channel my anger. That is something I had to teach myself over the course many years. Anger is a great teacher and it lets us practice using it our whole lives long. It is, as Marie said, a feeling energy that you and I can use to find out what’s really underneath it (because something always is, something important) and how we can make that something better. Anger is also a lens into another person. Sometimes we connect around our anger and that is enough to change whole worlds.
    Today you would never believe that I’m a foreigner because when you’re that young when you go to live in a new place, you learn the new language without an accent. I’m a dual citizen now of my birth country and adopted country, both cherished homelands. And I’ve used my anger to make art and to making living in my worlds a better and more loving experience for myself and the people I care about.
    Thanks for asking such a genius question, you little Goddess, You!

  87. I love this explanation!
    I took the anger and frustration of an adult bullying situation and turned it into a beautiful thing (my Empowerment Pencils™).
    I am truly grateful that the right people were around me at the time as well as being far enough in my own personal journey to see how I could turn an awful situation into a wonderful one.
    Love wins <3

  88. Angie VanSchoick

    I’ve used anger to motivate myself. When I finished up my Master’s program, there wasn’t a lot of assistance available for me to find a job in my field. I would think that the school itself would have items in place to assist it’s students and was surprised to find out that it didn’t. I used my anger to reach out to other schools and see what they set up (both on campus programs and schools in other states) and created a business plan to present to the Dean. While it didn’t result in them changing anything, I felt better putting that information to use and was able to connect other classmates in similar situations to the resources I had found external to our system. Not ideal, but better than floundering in the unknown of what to do with what we had worked to hard to attain.

  89. Teri

    Dear Marie,
    This is my first time ever posting something in a website. But, this episode got me under my skin in a positive way. I want to tell people that in fact Anger is an emotion that can be use in a positive way. For more than sixteen years, I have experience mental abuse from my ex-husband and still going but it doesn’t affect me anymore. I had been Anger enough to survive, to defend myself, to grow spiritually, mentally, professionally and emotionally. When you have someone telling you that you cannot do the things because you stupid, retard and dumb. It’s when, I get more angry and I’m determine of finish what I started and to be resilient until the end.

  90. After my mother died, I had a lot of anger. Once I allowed myself to fully feel it and be clear why it was there, the transformation of that energy of anger into love for myself eventually led me to being a mom and being the best, most present mom to two daughters. They know how to be with anger inside them when it happens. Not only that, but they made me the mother I always needed! So much needed healing occurred because of understanding the anger within me and being able to transform it.

    Now, I assist others in being emotionally aware so that they too can consciously connect to Love and be a beneficial presence on Earth.

    If I had held all that anger inside, it would’ve hurt me and the people around me. But because I learned how it important it was to understand it and how to use it for the better, I’m helping people instead! And that makes me so happy!

    Now when I feel anger, I know what to do and it makes me feel empowered. And I thank it for showing up.

    Anger is there for a reason, and Marie explained it beautifully!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing the breathtaking transformation that anger helped you create in your own life- and then in the life of your daughters and the world. By thanking it for showing up truly shows that you can see the gifts that it can bring. Brava.

  91. This was so freaking cute!!!! And definitely made me tear up!

  92. Lydia Maria Eichiner

    Anger comes from something you did not like into life
    I agree that questioning, and that anger is Energy this can gives you the power or the grid, courage to change something
    Example: A teacher says to you “You never will be good in …”
    You get Angry, you feel the energy come up and you would like to kick the teacher, but you also could question yourself whats true and why you don’t like it. Understand that she has an opinion and that you can show to yourself that you are able too achieve what was that you are not able too. In the end you could be gratefull because through the anger you had clearness and energy, which gives you the grid and/or the power to do what you would like to.

    Each feeling is and aid even if it is a bad feeling, it is a kind of salvation
    Scares give us the attention to survive and the ability to develop courage to life
    Passion gives us experience and the danger of dependency, but helps us also to develop real joy and the capability to love yourself and others.
    Anger gives understanding of opinions and differences and helps us develop the energy to achieve
    Doubt helps us to analyse and give us the potential solution to choose.
    Sadness show us our values in life and develop greatness if having else the acceptance for “what is”.

    I am willing to send a PDF on this matter in case you which.
    Thank you for all your goodies

    All the best
    Lydia

    P.S.: I have published a little booklet for kids in Italian

  93. Anger has been a big one for me. From when I was alone putting my kids to bed every night for years, or when I found myself in a breakup that I didn’t see coming. Or when I had plans that were shattered by circumstances. I found that the anger actually served me because I didn’t deny it, didn’t take it out on anyone, and found myself afraid. Fear was always underneath it. Fear is easier to transform, somehow because it never feels permanent. It’s fleeting. Oh, there’s another fear thought. Oh well. Next.
    Thanks for being real here. We can transform anger when we don’t ignore it or try to push it under the rug, or take it out on someone else. I think I can use it to propel me into much needed growth.

  94. Jenny

    I recently went through a pretty bad break up that angered me because I had been lied too and hurt and betrayed. So I’m taking this anger and pouring it into honesty and learning to live my life being authentic with self love. Including being honest about being angry. Most of my life I thought I had to kept my anger a secrect and tuck it down. Put on a smile mean while the negative stuff kept rolling in and I fell apart. Being honest about my anger this time has allowed me to have a voice and start to advocate for myself. It shows me what experiences I don’t want to have or people to have in my life. It opens me up to what I want in life and how I can help. If I didn’t let myself feel this anger I would have stayed a victim . thank you for this video it help a lot. ❤🙏

  95. Kathleen Ricketts Shaffner

    My commitment to 3 True Things U can do for yourself & everyone who touches your life & that is I promise to 1) always be HONEST about how U think & FEEL about everything in your life. & this is a BEAUTIFUL action U can do always. & guess what U get to change your mind whenever U need to & U get to say “I’m sorry.” 2) POLITE: always respect others with good manners & a real listening ear 3) KIND: if U practice kindness towards/with others U will FEEL good about yourself because U know U tried your very best!

  96. angel

    hi marie and team! great topic!!! I was so angry when I was a teen!!! and this anger was so powerful that I used this fuel in my music! writing my feelings and transform all of this incredible energy into rock music was the best way I found! and I still use it, when you express your anger on a stage and create punchy songs, it’s sooo great, like a relief for everyone who listen! it’s not destructive, it’s a creative force which brings some great energy to the audience! anger is an usefull fire for the angels on earth who are disturbed by the lies all around… thanks marie for your wisdom, and thanks for this vision of the goddess!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      It can be a creative force for good, Angel. You’re so right. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us here and most of all, keep creating your music and art with the world. xo

  97. Yes, you nailed it! Especially that last scene!

  98. Love this. I’ve always said that anger is my biggest motivator. Tell me I can’t do something…I’ll prove you wrong!

  99. Stacey

    Thanks, it’s been a great learning for me to realize I don’t have to be ashamed of being angry and to become more in touch with what it is trying to teach me!

  100. So, you made me cry (well… the fact that this question came so timely for me made me cry)!
    I’ve been living in an apartment for 2 years of which 13 months were under heavy, very loud, most of the time unbearable construction work. Worked nights, couldn’t sleep in. Not pretty.
    My landlord shows no empathy to me and the very few people who work from home. And I’m angry.
    So now I’m trying to figure out how to transform this anger into a loving, creative action.
    And I think that I’ll turn it into a lesson.
    The lesson is that I’m very blessed that I continued working on my business and didn’t give up, under that challenge. That I’m supposed to slow down, feel my feelings and create with them whatever I’m inspired to create in every moment. That I live in an amazing place, and the worst is behind me, and now I’ll know to create a supporting system and be ready to respond in a more flexible and creative way to challenges ahead.
    They say that our challenges are the measure of our commitment, so it looks like I’m pretty committed. ; )
    So, I’ll keep creating from this place, and I know that I’ll laugh about it in a few months.
    Thanks, Ava and Marie! < 3

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Llayne, you show up with your whole heart shining. Your thirst for knowledge and creating beauty in the world is evident in every situation that you come to. We see it. Use your frustration and anger to get even more energized to share your work and heart with the world. You ARE committed. xo

  101. w

    This was terrible in my opinion. Because I have a direct line to God and am a seer, I have an understanding that this child was asking you about her fear of seeing anger in other people. She is NOT concerned with dealing with her own anger. The world right now is especially violent with an extreme amount of anger seen by our own newscasters and politicians and it is scary, besides all the highly problematic family dynamics that go on in most families. She needs to know that she doesn’t have to stoop to operating on that level to communicate in this world. People expressing themselves in violent fits of anger are unwell and have an issue. It is better to not communicate with someone expressing high levels of anger.

  102. Oh boy thank you to Ava for such a thoughtful and important question!
    Most of us grow up seeing anger manifested in our families. Unfortunately more often than not, we don’t see a resolution when conflict happens, and we don’t know how to resolve our anger. The resulting behaviour is either to stifle our feelings of anger which can be turned inward in an unhealthy way, or we we act out aggressively toward those we are angry with, especially toward those we love.

    Unresolved anger can turn into resentment and that can become bitter root that grows and can poison all of our relationships and affect our lives very negatively.

    Understanding anger, our own or another’s is so important. Knowing that we can resolve our conflicts is absolutely paramount in turning our anger into positive outcomes. This is what has made all the difference for me in my life. I learned all I could about anger and conflict resolution, and continue find ways to prevent the negative outcomes of anger. This doesn’t mean I’ll never get angry again but it means I’ll know how to manage it in a positive way, I will control it and not let it control me. We can choose our responses and we don’t have to react negatively.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Catherine! We absolutely agree that anger is often a symptom of deeper wounds that we may not always be able to see, but redirecting negative energy into positive action can have a profound impact on ourselves and others. The first step is always compassion, and we’re so grateful you’re committed to practicing this as much as possible in your own life. Thanks for being part of our community!

      • Thank you Hailey! That’s the word! Compassion, toward ourselves and toward others is the foundation. I love the word compassion, over tolerance. Compassion is defined by love. Tolerance it’s putting up with and implies a kind of lack of love.

  103. Anger is very powerful. sometimes it gives you power, it is one step up from being depressed and hopeless. When you are depressed, very very sad, you don’t have the energy to do anything. but anger can help you by giving you energy to get up and move ahead. The problem is being stuck in anger. It can feel good to feel right but it doesn’t make you happy. You have to make the choice to be right or to be happy. that’s where forgiveness comes in. When someone is angry they are hurting inside. If you think someone is angry at you they are really angry at themselves. I just tell people who think they are angry with me “I’m sorry you choose to feel that way.” and I go away from their anger until they can calm down. You don’t have to feed their anger by defending yourself.

  104. Hi Ava and Marie,
    I have found if I am angry then there is something wrong that I am not happy about in my life and I need to take action to fix it. First I have to understand where that anger is coming from and why, then work out a plan and take action. Sometimes, it might that there is a person in my life who is making me unhappy and frustrated and I need to be honest with them. Other times, it might be pointing me to something I really want to do that I haven’t done yet.
    Good luck Ava!

  105. Deb

    It took me a long time to understand that anger was just another emotion that I had within myself. It wasn’t a good or bad emotion, it was just an emotion like any of the others. However I took a long time to get to a point where I was able to manage my anger and to understand that I didn’t and couldn’t control it. Sometimes we attach a judgement to our emotions, I suggest instead that we accept them with love and bring them to the light, no matter which emotion it is. No one has the right to tell you whether you have the right to feel the emotion that you do. You however do have a responsibility for your actions regardless of what emotion they may come from. Lastly, I agree with Marie that the answer to any question, no matter what the question, is Love. Love wins, always. Be kind to you and your emotions.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      What an incredible perspective, Deb! Thanks so much for sharing and adding your voice to this important conversation today. A lot can be achieved in this world through love and kindness, and we’re so thankful that you’re a part of our bighearted community.

  106. Marie,
    That was so very beautiful and delightfully precious. I love that God is a woman for you!
    I agree, anger is a powerful energy. Just this morning I went to a yoga class and the theme was “understanding and transforming anger!”
    For many years I taught yoga for children. Lion breath was a favorite! It goes like this…
    Sit on your shins with your hands on your knees . Inhale deeply and as you exhale, stick out your tongue and roar! After a few breaths, very often anger is released and everyone is laughing. It works for adults too! We practiced lion breath this morning!! Try a little roaring!!

  107. La

    To be honest, I’m 24, turning 25 and I can’t recollect a time when I had turned my anger into something positive. But now, after listening to Marie twice, I will practice to Feel it, Question it, and Transform it into something positive and good ❤️ Love your show, Marie and teamz Thanks Ava and Ava’s mom, little do you know, by asking your mom every day and by your mom sharing the question that 6 year old me had but did not know I had has happily been answered as well. 🙏🙏🙏 God bless 💕

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We’re glad this message resonated so deeply with you today, LA! I think it’s safe to say sweet Ava touched us all, and this is a question so many of us struggle with, regardless of age. As Marie often reminds us, compassion and understanding is about “progress, not perfection” and we’re grateful that you’re so committed to making a positive impact on the world. Thanks so much for being here!

  108. Pamela Murray

    I was delightedto hearthat asix yearold asked you this question Marie. Because it shows that she is aware and alive. And sees things that make her feel concerned. Or that could be righted.
    I grew up afraid of my feelings. I was told that they were wrong. Hence, what I thought was living was really being reactive to everybody else in my life. I wasn’t always like this, of course. We are all born whole. But this lying pretending world tries to make us un real. Less than we really are.
    Usually this is expressed in secondary emotions based on the lies, like resentment, shame, and irational fear. Where as I learnt anger is true to us.
    It is like when you see boys throwing stones at ducks on the lake. And you decide that is cruel. So, you decide to say, hey that’s mean. Or, stop doing that. Then, when all is calm again you feel the peace and abundant joy because you know you were brave and compassionate.
    OR you are upset but you decide to say nothing, because you are afraid they will turn on you. Or that your wrong. So, you feel bad because they carry on until something or someone gets hurt. Also, because you gave more life to fear, instead of to your love.

  109. Pamela Murray

    I would like to add, that the idea of making God a she instead of a he fascinated me. I know it is nothing to do with gender on His part because He is a spirit. But, why would someone who wants everyone to be true to themselves. Want to argue with someone when they intrduce themselves as He. ???? Are we not saying something about ourselves when we do that? !
    We live in a time when the true knowledge is abundant. Respect is being taught. And celebrated. But there are also, many contradictions! They are so obvious I wonder that people can’t see them.

  110. John Hruby

    Brilliant. Good reminder for all of us during these times. Thanks for your fun and creativity.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your kind words, John! We’re so glad this message resonated with you today. Thanks for tuning in!

  111. I was defrauded by a ‘friend’ and lost my home (1.8m) et al, so after feeling sorry from myself, I got up, brushed myself off, and got going again. Three main things I did:
    1) I wrote and self-published a book—Designer Law School: Legal lessons for design entrepreneurs!
    2) I enrolled in law at Uni —one subject away from finishing!
    3) took my first ballet class—EVER!—at 50+ at Queensland Ballet and even did classes when visiting NYC at Alvin Alley!
    Cx

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Way to go, Christine! I’m so glad you didn’t let a bad situation keep you down. We’re so proud of you for moving forward with such positivity and putting yourself out there in new ways. 🙂

  112. Laura Gonzalez

    That was really beautiful Marie! Thank you for teaching a little girl how to transform her anger in something positive. I will be practicing this all day tomorrow.

  113. Diana

    Great way to approach the topic, very useful. I also love the representation of God, a “genius” one.

  114. Bombi

    Made my day 🙂 God bless Marie!!

  115. Hola Girlie,

    I’ve recently had something I ordered online and my package was delivered to the wrong address. I explained the situation to the post office and they said there was nothing they could do about the package I paid money for. No reimbursement, no goods. When I get very angry somehow it gets transferred to tears because you get left feeling helpless. However I had to hold back the fact that I wanted to scream at the people I felt were attacking me. But all this is FEELINGS they go away just like a stub on your toe. Harness it, yell in private if you need to get it out but it is all temporary. Then do something that makes you really happy like listen to your favorite song and dance away your internal problem. YOU are bigger than your problems and how you react to situations is the only thing that you can control.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So, so true, Kris. I’m really sorry you weren’t able to get your package, but I’m glad you were able to shift the energy and take control of the situation. <3

  116. This message comes to me right when I need to hear it. Thank you, Marie Team! I’ve lately been in an existential funk. At times, I feel like I’ve lost all hope in humanity. Why are we allowing all of this chaos, violence, and destruction happen right before our eyes? We’re creative enough to create most of these issues. To me, that means we should be creative enough to solve them, too! Why isn’t anyone ‘awake’? Without knowing it, I’ve turned this anger and disappointment into a motivating force to be different and to be my own light in the world. This includes leaving the corporate world to launch my own marketing & branding consultancy for changemakers and inspiring other soul-searching women to flip the switch on their own inner light.

  117. This was so good! Eva you rock and so do you, Marie. Anger brings things into focus and teaches you things. My anger taught me about trust and not giving away all your light to people before you feel them out. After getting angry with people for so many years when they broke my trust, I learned not to give all of myself up at once. I learned to be kind and sweet but to let people earn my trust and vice versa. It wasn’t worth getting angry anymore, it just hurt me. Besides the lesson kept happening over and over until I learned. I didn’t realize it but this episode showed me how I transformed that anger energy into knowledge energy. Now I can be kind without waiting for that hurt that used to happen so often. I learned from my anger to set boundaries. So anger was a very valuable gift. Thank you anger.

  118. I LOVE how God is an African American woman!! How could she be anyone else;-)

  119. I was so angry when my mum died.
    She wasn’t sick and was taken suddenly.
    I was angry that mine and my children’s lives were changed dramatically and I felt like an orphan even though I was 39.
    Mum was passionate about being an organ donor and when she passed gave the gift of life to 3 people. This has been a big part of our healing and created my life purpose through the creation of our children’s book that helps parents discuss the topic of organ donation. It helps families create beautiful memories in a challenging time and aims to give space to families who are on this journey from the beginning. Our biggest challenge bought our biggest growth and gave the most precious gift, life💖

    • Solace

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so beautiful, Leah! How amazing that your mom was able to give the gift of life and that she not only lives in the people whose lives she saved, but in your and your children’s hearts as well. <3

  120. This was sooo beautiful and cute! I love the idea of God being a Black woman lol 😀 #angerisenergy

  121. Ginger

    Usually anger is a “front” for something else. When I look at anger, I find hidden underneath it hurt feelings if someone did something to me personally and then in the case of some horrific act–like the school shootings or some violence done to innocent animals, I’ll feel profound sadness that turns to frustration and a sense of helplessness. This is what causes me to act. Either through monetary donations to a cause, a letter-writing campaign, phone calls, prayer . . . whatever action is appropriate to the situation.

    I was recently robbed. My initial grief at what I lost turned to anger, and then the anger turned to compassion for the one who felt so low as to commit such an act of desperation. Insurance claims filed, theft reports made, I’ve done all I can do so what was once anger has turned to peace.

    • Donna

      What a great way to process through that.

  122. I’m turning my series of unfortunate events over the past year into a book. I figured I had two choices, stew in my anger and frustration or do something about it and tell my story so that others can learn from it.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      YES! Love that, Annie!

  123. Tina Hart

    Love how you explain it Marie. I was telling myself “how she going to answer this one?” Ha ha. You nailed it just like God said. Well done. My anger is explosion and ends in tears (as its a build up of weeks and weeks) . I have learnt only this year (I’m 42) that writing it down helps me a lot. When I get angry, I just go to my room and write and write. It calms me and helps me found a solution in my writing. I can still be angry after writing but the initial over reaction anger is reduced and I can turn the anger into something more positive.

  124. Annette

    Marie is spot on, you have to feel it. I used to keep the anger to myself, all bottled in but that is so not helpful. It creates so much stress. It took me a while to allow myself to process it, allow myself to feel it, but within certain boundaries i.e. I’d say ok, I will let myself feel angry for a day, but no more than that. Then I make a conscious decision to ask myself how can I turn this around to take lessons from the situation? If someone has made me upset (like in a bad relationship, where we broke up), I usually ask myself if being angry is going to change the situation cos most likely that person isn’t going to bother or care if you are feeling angry, and their lives will just continue. So it makes no difference to them. The only person who will get hurt is you. If however my anger is of the moment, as in like someone cut my line, I take a deep breath and if I can, I walk away from the situation, either physically or mentally, so that I don’t act irrationally. Easier said than done though! Another option is really to punch a cushion (for Ava, if you are reading this!). Anger is the worst time to make a response because our responses will usually be hurtful, regretful, and not a true reflection of who we are as our best selves. Maya Angelou is also right, we can turn it into art, or song or dance. Release that energy out into the world. Thanks for sharing that quote Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Those are such good points, Annette. And that advice about taking a deep breath and counting to ten and sleeping on it before responding really do make a difference!

  125. Jack

    I was very angry with my ex. Part of that anger came from her telling people that I was abusive, which I never was- mentally or physically. It took a long time and finding a wonderful, caring woman, and finding the correct antidepressant. I don’t remember exactly when, but one day I just woke up and started to go into my daily angry state. I stopped and realized that life was good! I was blessed (and still am) beyond measure. From then on, I started using that anger to remind myself that I wouldn’t be where I am without my ex, and that I wouldn’t have three beautiful daughters and now three beautiful grandchildren without her. So my anger turns into gratefulness.

  126. Right on and thank you! I loved how God was portrayed…
    Anger, it is motivating. I held onto a lot of anger during my life, especially at my parents. When I learned it was hurting me, I went down the path of forgiveness, mostly as self-protection so I didn’t FEEL that anger.
    Ultimately what I learned is that people make mistakes, and it was MY EXPECTATIONS about how I thought they ‘should’ be (my judgments) that let me down.
    Transforming anger teaches us to be more flexible, take on new perspectives, and ultimately, become happier. Then, we can be thankful for our anger.

  127. Hasmukh Modi

    Eruption of anger helps me first understand whether this energetic feeling is because of my weakness or out of conflicts in my value system. Importantly, transforming anger improves ME. And, Marrie, many thanks for your marvelous approach to resolving this seemingly big issue.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s such an important distinction, Hasmukh. Thank you for bringing it up!

  128. Hasmukh Modi

    Anger is no more Danger with your guidance.

  129. Eritrea

    Hey Ava, when i was a kid i would be outraged when i saw people do things to intentionally hurt others and also when i people did things to intentionally hurt me. I used to think because no one spoke up they were okay with hurting people too. First it began as sadness and then that grew to anger. This occurred so often that i would get so angry it could ruin my day or my week and i had no place to put all of those feelings. But by the time i was a teenager and much more so as an adult the feelings changed . The anger turned into compassion . It made me so angry to see others do harm to people that , i made sure i would Speak up and stand in the way of people behaving in that way . A second benefit is that i always checked my own thoughts and actions to ensure that i would never intentionally hurt people. All that anger turned into caring. Now it takes a lot to get my feelings to be anger first . We are human so it happens but when it does i know where it’s coming from and what to change it into, Actionary Compassion.

    • Eritrea

      Yeah so i only read the post, and quickly replied with out watching the video …. now my comment looks like a C grade excercise in dictation. However looks sounds like we got the same god in our ear

  130. Marry I love so much yours tips and your special vibes. just continue send to the world and to me your amazing messages!

  131. Great Answer and talk about divine synchronicity!
    I’m here, early morning in Ireland, lying in bed, meditating and aligning before my day begins, talking to God, you know the usual. I then check my phone to see this email.
    I HAVE to share my anger transformation story.
    Last year some really aweful news was exposed about how the Sisters of Charity religious organisation kept a secret that hurt a lot of people. I won’t say what it is here because Ava is only six years old.
    I was so angry. I went into deep dark devastation for weeks. I’m usually a very positive person but this got me BIG TIME.

    Anyway, failing to climb out of my anger I literally asked God one morning:
    ‘God help me see this differently’
    God replied immediately with her stong, still, small voice inside and said:
    ‘Hilary write the story’
    I had no idea what God meant at the time. I had no story. But I followed my intuition and took to the laptop and began to write. The words that were to become a fictional novel flowed onto the page. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Each falling more and more in live with the characters born onto the pages.
    With the help of God, I wrote a book!
    It is now a book that I love so deeply. A great story too and out for release thus Summer.
    Anyway, I used my anger to transform my life, create something AWESOME that aims to inspire countless others to know who they really are and the intimate potential available to us all.
    And hey, I’m so glad to say that devastating anger is gone and joy has taken its place.
    Thanks for sharing Marie, love your channel.
    Hilary Connor,
    Wexford, Ireland.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s amazing, Hilary! It’s a beautiful thing that you were able to create art from a tragic story. Art has such an incredible healing power and I hope it touches the heart of everyone who reads your novel. <3

  132. What is cause early death of my mother and kiddy?
    What is cause lost my company funds?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so sorry to hear of the hardships you’ve faced, Drupad. Although no one really knows why these things happen, we’ll be thinking of you and sending lots of love and healing wishes your way during this challenging time.

  133. Vasko Kotevski

    Eva here is my experience about anger,after a seriouse brain operation on my 16 years was seriosly sick,wen all my school friends walk around with his girl friends,I was stuck in hospital bed.Wen rest of my generation acomplete his education ,I was in rehabilitation center.You can not imagine how anger I was,manytime asked my self and GOD,why this happened to me.Moment of my transformation was wen I asked my self-Do you wana to be person with handickap/because answer was NO sead to my self Then you goona do everything to rehabilitate your handickap.Firsly frequent spiritual lessons in the Pravoslav Church.Wen my spirit was rehabilitated was my easyer to visit alternativ medicin treatments.And at this moment can say that Am invalid on some evidence only.I know that GOD keep e alive for a big thinks.Warm hug for you,for Marie and rest of the readers of my coment.

  134. Lori

    LOVE your answer to Ava about anger!!! Being a mother of three and a teacher, I’ve seen such a change in our youth. Some children have become soooo angry for whatever the reason (and there are many) that your answer would really make them stop and think about where and why they are angry. Working in a Christian school, this also reinforces to them, that you can ask God anything and in the stillness you will hear the answer.

  135. Araceli Walterson

    Well, you absolutely spoke to me today, as in the literal answer to the prayer I asked earlier today. I have been angry for a few days now. Anger is an emotion I don’t give light to and often park it or run away from it by contradicting it with gratitude, which often works, but not this time. The more I tried to combat my anger, the angrier I would become! After watching your video, I took away the negative energy I have around anger and really sat with it, acknowledged it and was able to finally figure out why I was so angry! Now that I know why the anger was there, I can turn that energy into a force of good. Thank you Ava for asking a question! In doing so, you helped others like me 😉

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yay! I’m so glad it was helpful, Araceli, and that Ava’s question came at just the right time. 🙂

  136. Janene

    Wow! Amazing episode. Thanks to Ava for such a lovely question and Marie for choosing to answer it. I found Marie’s response a very empowering one. Lovely because often we associate anger with being outside of our control, something other people make us do or drive us towards. At least the language we use around anger makes it seem it’s not us it’s them.

    Anger has in it’s own way led me towards taking the steps to start my own business. In retrospect I can see that in the company I was in my values were not aligned with what was being lived as values in the company. It angered and hurt me to see what the organization was doing to people and how it was affecting me (which I allowed it to do, my bad). While I sensed it and there were signs at the time I didn’t realise the full extent of the impact on myself until I burnt out and started having health problems. When the opportunity came I left – though it was difficult, both the decision and the situation, I haven’t looked back or felt I did the wrong thing once. The funny part is that even though from a financial security standpoint things are rockier right now, I still am (all in all) loads happier than I was before and my health is improving. That anger that I internalised for so long is what led me here.

    Anger can be transformative in a very positive way, the key is altering our relationship with it when it arises.

  137. Thank you for the loving work you do Marie! I loved this question from Ava and your answer to it. My 17 year old granddaughter and I are just going to print with a book we co-wrote on Law of Attraction for teens and tweens, so hearing such a loving and honest response to her question about anger resonated. It is an exciting time for our youth growing up in a time such as now where they can learn and understand that those kinds of emotions aren’t “wrong” and in fact are completely normal. Love, Love, Love!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s exciting indeed, CJ! Congrats on your and your granddaughter’s book!

  138. Gina

    Hiiii!! Most often when I get angered or annoyed I channel it into some form of exercise. I’ll go for a run or lift weights. If it’s not a time where you can conveniently put your workout gear on, you can just go for a quick little walk around the block to clear your head, release the energy, and reset your mind! Bliss & Bless!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! It’s amazing how you can disperse energy by moving your body.

  139. If I am angry, I must care about something or I would not be angry. So, I ask myself ‘What is my passion in this situation?’ I sit in stillness till I receive the answer then I base any action on what it is that I am passionate about and stay aligned with that intention. Then I say ‘Thank You Anger for showing me what I care about!’

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good point, Jaclyn! And so spot on.

  140. Kate

    Example of what I did with anger about difficult situation:
    When I was bullied at work, I was very angry. My much-loved boss was in a precarious position career-wise, so did not feel he could intercede. Long story. I finally learned to use my anger to motivate me to do something good with what happened. So I studied bullying, learned as much as I could about some possible causes and some “cures”– and now help others who are being bullied. Also developed empathy for those who are bullies (though I choose to avoid them whenever possible)–which helped me release my ton of anger!

  141. Barry Hall

    Many thanks Marie,
    FABULOUS MTV! Keep up the great work. – Barry.

  142. As a mother of three children it always amazes me the way they see the world. I think that anger is an emotion that can spur us onto something positive or something negative. When we are angry at injustice it causes us to work to create good. But anger mixed with greed is a dangerous combination.

  143. Natalie Moon-Wainwright

    Great wisdom! As a clergywoman and a facilitator of Brené Brown’s work, I could have said it any better. Love this! Thank you, Marie.

  144. Donna

    I felt angry today because someone was being, in my opinion, selfish, and not considering the needs of the others in the group. I came home and ate a muffin. Probably not the best response!

  145. Katie

    For awhile now, years really, anger has felt like grief. Grief that there is so much pain in the world. Still. When we should really know better by now. A few weeks ago, I marched to exorcise my grief/anger and support the kids in the March for Our Lives. It was transformative for me. They were so brilliant. My heart was lifted.
    I do find that marching helps. Being out with people who are angry about the same thing, witnessing the diverse beauty with which they express themselves….
    Virginia Tech mom
    Sandy Hook neighbor
    Old hippie

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Absolutely, Katie. I’m so glad the march was a transformative and healing experience. <3

  146. Story:
    I recently felt angry (well more frustrated, which is like light anger) at my man for not being mindful enough of me with his habits and attention

    When I looked inside myself, I realized that I do that to others too sometimes, but I wasn’t aware of it, so the irritation was actually towards myself. Since that realisation, I haven’t felt angry about this anymore. I don’t even notice or care anymore, I am softer towards myself, and more careful with others. 🙂

    Thoughts:
    I believe that anger is a very big transformational tool, like a bridge. It is unhealthy to stay in it for a long time, to keep continuing it with angry thoughts, BUT it is important to feel it and use it as fuel for change, like Marie says. That’s why anger is really good and powerful, when used in a good way.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your story here, Marleen! What a powerful example of how examining our anger more deeply can help us to actually soften towards ourselves and others. Kudos to you – this is not an easy thing to do! Love how you put that, anger as a bridge. So true 🙂

  147. Nicole

    Marie,

    Thank you for writing back to my daughter! She absolutely loved the video and feels famous now. So sweet to use her name so often! And the lesson is as amazing as all of your lessons. We love your show!

    My husband, myself and Ava talk a lot about emotions, and we do our best to be aware when we are losing patience. Eckhart Tolle suggested giving a child’s outburst a name like “the bear”. So since Ava was little, we have referred to her bear or my bear coming out. Or waiting for the bear to pass by being quiet or having alone time in her room. Sometimes she wonders why anger exists – or herself or anyone. I have offered the concept that having any bad feelings allows for a deeper compassion. When she sees another person feeling pain or anger, having experienced herself, she can understand them and be in a better place to help relieve that pain.

    “You are never angry for the reason you think” is A Course in Miracles quote that I love. My largest realization was that anger is never really caused by the situation or person that was just the trigger. For me, it’s just being out of alignment, like a helpful alarm system saying “warning, warning, you are outside the living-sweet zone, something may fall on your out here…warning”. I use the alarm system to shut my mouth and not tell anyone how I feel until the storm passes because “how I feel” will completely change after the storm. Just sit back, let it pass, and look back on it from a high place to learn from it later.

    Ava is a super smart inquisitive little girl. She loves to get opinions, gather facts, and make her own decisions. Thanks for answering. You are the absolute best!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Hi Nicole! So nice to hear from you 🙂 Of course, we LOVED answering Ava’s question, it truly is one of the best we’ve ever received. We can tell just how thoughtful and smart she is and are so happy to hear she enjoyed the video!

      You’re such an incredible mom with amazing wisdom to share with Ava every single day through your words and example. It’s wonderful that you’re encouraging her to lean into this emotion, in order to be more compassionate towards others and learn from what it’s telling her, beneath the surface. Beautiful. Ava’s so lucky to have you and thank you again for sending us her question!

  148. Memory

    I learned the concept that “anger is an energy” a couple of years ago through a talk by Pema Chodron. In fact, it’s the MOST powerful, MOST energizing emotion we feel. When we suppress it, it immediately zaps our life force. Chronically suppressing it can result in immobilizing depression and other health issues. Once I learned let go of all judgment of my anger, I began to see it as a passing yet potent, incredibly useful emotion. Now, it’s honestly one of my favorite things. Feeling angry is infinitely better than feeling powerless, and when I find myself REALLY struck with its energy, I get SO excited. Not only do I find the clarity I need to resolve the issue at hand, but the adrenaline rush that comes with it is enough to make me clean the whole house!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Love this, Memory – thank you so much for sharing! Absolutely, tapping into the incredible power and potential present in the energy of our anger is the perfect shift in perspective here. Cheering you on for mastering this emotion!

  149. Loved this episode. I believe anger is information from our bodies that something is wrong or unjust. That does not mean it is up to us to fix whatever is wrong, it is information. Perhaps it means we might take steps to right the wrong if it is in our power. Or it might mean to throw some compassion to ourselves or others like glitter.

    In my own life the most notable event related to anger was this: I was in High School and my guidance counselor told me I wasn’t “college material” and he did not want to provide me with any applications to college (back in the day pre-internet.) I was so upset becasue I needed to go to college to become a therapist which I knew even then was my calling. Thankfully, my chemistry teacher intervened on my behalf. He forced the guidance counselor to give me an application (after a heated shouting match between the two men). Guidance gave me ONE, one application, which he said was a waste of paper. My teacher told me after. “Don’t you let anyone tell you what you are capable of. What you can do or who you can be. You decide that. You and only YOU!” He later added for me to use those angry and hurt feelings as fuel to succeed. Which I did, I heard both voices in my head while putting myself through my undergrad and grad program. I have two college degrees. It ended up being a blessing and motivation/drive to pursue my dreams especially when it was a struggle. Anger isn’t always bad. I look back and wonder if it really was a gift all along as perhaps I needed that to cement my determination.

    • Isaiah Jordan Williams

      Incredible story. Glad things worked out for you.

    • Kate

      Awesome!! Props to you and your teacher. I love hearing stories about the great teachers. I’m glad he was there and encouraged you to make your dreams a reality. Congrats for no letting the “guidance counselor” stop you!!!

  150. Isaiah Jordan Williams

    I usually transform or rather channel anger and sadness when I perform very difficult lifts in the gym. I always thought it was too dangerous to use that energy outside that environment, but this video has opened up my perspective of what anger really is. Thank you for uploading.

  151. Wonderful answer for all ages! It can be tough in certain circumstances but turning anger into action is the best way to channel it. A spark of anger fueled my business. I was ticked that beauty & personal care companies use harmful toxins that damage our health in their formulations & even more pissed when companies claim to be clean but actually use toxic ingredients, aka greenwashing. They can get away with it because there is no regulation, no safety measures in place to keep products pure. Now I educate people and help them create a healthy beauty & personal care routine, home environment and lifestyle empowering them to take control of minimizing their body’s toxic burden and improve their health 🌸

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      YES, Kelly – you and your business are a beautiful, shining example of how to effectively channel that anger!!

  152. Mara

    What a great Marie TV – thank you. And thanks Ava for a fantastic question. I feel anger is a sign or a reminder that we’re out of alignment in some area of our life (usually the area we’re angry about). It’s a reminder to see what’s happening in our life, where we might be stuck; and can be used as a tool to bring us back on track with our desires, our happiness and our love. It forces us to look at our lives, our relationships and encounters and to tweak our life to bring us back in what we want. Anger is a form of contrast that is positive because it allows us to see how to come back to the light – to the positive, to the love… with the right actions. xx

  153. Kate

    Some of the ways I transform anger is by looking for what I am grateful and thankful for with in the situation or person involved. I find this helps me to respond to the situation in a more loving and open minded way. There was a situation in my life where I had built up a resentment (a.k.a anger that was pushed down inside over and over again) towards a person and I didn’t know how to let go of the pain. A trusted friend told me to pray for her. I really didn’t want to but I took the advice and prayed about the situation and sent blessing out towards this person. As I began this daily routine I found that my anger had changed and I was able to accept the person the way they are and also found a new respect for the person and for all that they had gone through in their life. Now I not only have a better relationship with this person I have found a tool to help for the future. Much love, K

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      What a beautiful way to approach built up anger, Kate. We appreciate you sharing your experience with us and are so glad prayer and gratitude helped to heal your relationship!

  154. Liz

    Love your answer to Ava’s Q Marie. In every aspect, you ‘nailed it.’
    Thank you beautiful soul.

  155. Dear Ava,

    for me anger is an emotion, as in e+motion = energy in motion.

    I do get angry at times when my work load is high and I feel overwhelmed, which happens building my own business and doing most of the work myself while having a part-time job to create a financial buffer. So here’s what I do when I feel angry… I get moving! I channel all of this energy… I dance or go for a walk, or as I love gardening, I get sweaty planting. And trust me, I can get a lot done with that energy plus I feel happier and mentally more clear afterwards.

    Hope it helps dear Ava!
    All the best — Jess

  156. LOVE this episode!!

    And I’ve seen a one legged duck swim before. Was not in a circle 😂

  157. Ayo

    God is a black woman. Yeah!!! 😇

  158. Amy

    Just curious about the choice to make God a woman in this episode?

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Hey Amy! The representation of God in this episode is a loving personification meant to show the beauty and expansiveness of God. It’s our hope that the message in the episode, especially given the current climate of our world, will be healing and helpful.

  159. maria dela pena

    For me anger gives more energy to focus on the things that i want to achieve,we have the power to re channel our anger.We can teach our children to use anger to
    achieve their goal.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Absolutely, Maria! It can be incredibly powerful when channeled towards something for the greater good 🙂

  160. Marie, I LOVE YOU. hahahahah
    I’ve grown up as an atheist but I truly believe in God Herself from now on ;-).
    Thank you very much, and thank you Ava for the question!

  161. I love this episode! Thank you for the question, Eva! (You must be older then 6 in your soul!)
    My Grandmother always said: “Whenever you feel anger, ask yourself what LOVE would do, or decide now!
    (And hey, when my daughter was six years old, she woke up from a coma after a head injury… And she told me she met God. And she always used “she” when she talked about God.)

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      This is beautiful in so many ways, Karin – thank you for sharing! Your grandmother and daughter both sound very wise. xoxo

  162. Benson Modie

    Great wisdom….and thank you so much!

  163. Hey Marie….and…. AVA!
    My anger catapulted me into a new career and I’m a B-Schooler! I have 3 children. One of my daughters had a severe heroin substance use disorder. She’s in recovery now…..thank GOD. Her addiction took me from being an interior designer to a Director at a New Jersey Hospital Prevention agency, a council member on the Governor’s Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse (so I could have a voice) and ultimately to my starting a not for profit. Not only did I want to help her…I wanted to help other parents, families and friends who were dealing with the same issues. One day, a mom called me to try and find a sober living home for her daughter. They had no money for a deposit and couldn’t get funding. I was so MAD! that this person wants the help and couldn’t get it! So… I cried when I got off the phone ….So! I had an idea on how help. I created and presented the idea of implementing N.J. Support Recovery License Plates to bring sorely needed funding to Sober Living…. to help reduce homelessness due to addiction issues. I was able to get the $50,000 funding needed to produce the plates, got 800 signatures supporting to purchase them and bipartisan legislators to write and propose the bill! Well…… the Bill N.J. # S-469 is all the way to the Senate floor! We are almost there! So you see….. anger and frustration can get you there if you use your voice! Anger can turn into advocacy if you stop and think and direct it!
    Thanks Marie!
    Donna DeStefano

  164. Melissa

    Hi! this was a great episode. I have not been able to understand all these marches going on. This really helped me understand its their anger. (And yes I have stood up for many different people in this life time, so it is not that I dont care) But I guess I just get a negative feeling with all these marches because everyone I know then does not transform that energy after the march and actually go do something to help what they are marching about. So that is where I feel they have the anger and want things to change but then they don’t transform it. Which I think is the main step in this process. And most I know don’t want to talk about it, they want to yell, or don’t want to hear your thoughts. I just get told I am wrong if I am not doing exactly what they are doing. So they are doing the marching and the voting but they are hanging on to the anger and not transforming it. Which isn’t helping and just adding to the negative energy. I am not saying all that march are like this either, just happens to be the ones I know. But thank you for this episode, I am understanding them a little more.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      We love that you’re open to understanding the perspectives and actions of others, Melissa. I can tell that you have such a huge heart, and yes – we all absolutely do transform our anger in different ways. We’re glad to hear this episode was helpful for you!

  165. Oh Marie…LOVE. LOVE. LOVE this episode. You are right on the mark, divinely inspired lady. It IS all about transforming our energy for the good. Love YOU, and your words of wisdom! Thank you for addressing anger in a new light…and love me my Maya Angelou quote. Also dug the female God/Goddess appearance! 🙂
    With powerful anger turned to badassery…
    LOVE,
    Julie

  166. Rohan Bhandari

    I’ve used Anger and a couple of other emotions to write my book 😇 I truly believe that the transformation is real 💖

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Huge congrats on writing your book, Rohan – this is such a huge accomplishment! So powerful that you were able to transform and channel your emotions into this creative expression. We’re wishing you all the best with it!

  167. Tania Starr

    Hi Marie, great response to Ava (and how fantastic that she has her mother and yourself as role models at such an early age in her life). I wondered if Ava wasn’t the person feeling the anger, but that she has observed it in other people and was wondering why they were so angry, and perhaps how she can process / deal with that, not internally if she isn’t talking about herself. On a personal note, I took my anger at the two main men in my life, my then husband (separated and very nasty divorce) and father, for betraying the women in their lives, bought a 100 year old house and spent about five years physically doing all the renovations myself, creating this gorgeous, tranquil home sanctuary. Both mentally and physically exhausting but very productive and a very transforming experience. I have always found that my greatest moments of personal growth / insight, are often at my greatest personal lows; I’m sure that’s the same for a lot of people. Love, love, love MarieTV.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Tania. We hear from many people that they oftentimes create the greatest gifts from the ultimate lows. So smart of your to move your physical body as everything is energy and you truly shifted it within yourself. I bet that home is spectacular. Thanks for being here. xo

  168. Step one is what I had been missing. Feeling the emotion, and asking where in my body I am feeling it.

    I used to jump right ahead with steps two and three, but didn’t like where I ended up… Feeling even more frustrated.

    Thank you, Marie ~

  169. Such truths! Thanks for reminding us about the transformation of feeling into powerful tools!
    I was definitely angry and occasionally still feel that pang, pow, bang of it.
    I was run over by a distracted driver while on a training ride on my bicycle. It ended what was once my big beautiful world, and life as I knew it. Also all my dreams and aspirations as well as my career in education. Eventually the very bumpy, definitely not linear road to recovery of brain injury led me to where I am today. Almost 8 years later. Still recovering, as it is an endless journey.
    I started a small business a couple yrs back to inspire more girls and women to get on bicycles. It slowly morphed to just spreading ride smiles one pedal push at a time. I also was adopted by an amazing group of brain injury survivors. I have been volunteering and donating through my business to raise awareness and to this local program that showed me such kindness. I’m learning each day and moving forward with gratitude and the grace I had thought was lost. I have always believed that love and kindness is what holds us together.
    Anger is a moving force. It just needs direction.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      The direction you moved in is inspiring and beautiful, Silvana. Brava to you. Sending you loads of Team Forleo love.

  170. Great book Rohan. I love it, this will be a best seller. Wishing you well and success.

  171. Oh my God, Marie, you named God a woman? That really really touched me. I’m a catholic and I think this is genius to name God a woman to a little girl, and also indeed to mention God at all to help her overcome and transform her emotions positively.
    Thank you so much,
    Lili

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      We did name God a woman, Lili. We’re so glad you enjoyed that part. We know Ava did too 😉

  172. Thank you, nice one. Until a year ago I was not able to feel real anger and rage. I had blocked it due to some trauma from my childhood. I am currently doing a Teacher Training for Light Grids Therapy (deep energy and body work by Damien Wynne) and last year we worked on the topic of anger. What I have found to be true is that whenever we are triggered by a person or situation it (re) activates one of our many emotional wounds that occurred in the ages between 0-16 years old. We then direct our anger at another person who triggered us (the wound) when it has nothing to do with them.
    When you direct your anger towards the person who originally created the would it can be healed. This can be done without the person being present.
    Long story short. Dealing with my anger in the right way has helped me to be more authentic and to stand in my truth. So liberating. When anger comes up for me I know it is something I need to work on and that needs more attention, usually related to the emotional level.
    And yes the body has all the answers. In my work as Transformational Life Coach it is the point of entrance, grounding and feeling what the pain, discomfort in the body is telling you.
    Have a lovely day. With love, Jackie Delgado from Amsterdam

  173. KG

    The trigger for anger is usually because I feel my personal boundaries aren’t being respected. It’s taken years to develop a gracious way to speak up. I primarily do it for my own self respect. You can’t control how others see, or respond to you.

  174. Anger about injustice. Did union work for many years helping others with their rights.

  175. DNN

    I’m glad you brought this topic up. Tons of narcissist employers secretly set up targeted employees for termination and expect them to act out and showing anger so they have a reason to call the cops on him. Do those narcissist employers know that their actions do not go unnoticed by The LORD. When they expect you to retaliate in Hangar after secretly setting you up for termination, it’s a good idea to use that frustration and anger toward building your side hustle business from the ground floor up with The LORD to help you with positive energy. I’m glad you brought this topic up because it’s possible to use negative life experiences for the good of Entrepreneurship and more. Thank you for posting this Marie. 🙂

  176. When I received this mail from Marie, I was like, 『I conquered my anger, it is in control, this movie isn’t for me』(lol). Then right after that things happens and anger took over me and I HAD TO watch this movie. Thank you Marie and her team and Ava! You saved my life. The most valuable lesson I learned is to really feel the emotion. This led deeper understanding of my value and same time calmed me down. Isn’t it the coolest creativity we human have is to transform anger to energy!! Keep good work guys🐻✨

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thanks for your kind words and for watching, Mari. Awareness + transformation = MAGIC! It’s like a secret we’re sharing now. 😉

  177. Anger is an emotion I grew up being taught was “bad” and “wrong”, something I needed to supress. Of course that meant I would just blow up at times because of all the repression. Over the past several years I’ve been learning to befriend anger and realize how it actually is here to serve me, and I loved Marie’s explaination of it – felt spot on to me. Thanks for this episide!

  178. Anne

    This is great, amazing, beautiful! Definitely a favorite. Marie, I hope you have some nieces and nephews. You’d make the world’s best Aunt. So lovingly and beautifully put, with your usual grand sense of levity to top it all off.
    I’m not 6 anymore but I believe we carry Ava’s curiosity with us no matter what age we are. A friend once gave me a bumper sticker that said, “God is coming and is she pissed!” I love that bumper sticker. This episode reminds me of that.
    I experience my emotions very deeply and anger is one that I have worked diligently at as it can be used to either create or destroy, and I have seen both in spades. I am a visual artist and have noticed times when my deep anger was literally transformed into a beautiful piece of art. I actually feel the transformation happen in my body and translate into the clay or stone, I feel how it fluctuates back and forth, and when it transforms – as if love, and light come through my hands and into the piece. It’s a beautiful thing to witness. I worked for several years as a stone mason working with natural stone to turn these deep feelings into something that can be seen and felt as something beautiful in the world, to veer away from the havoc some feelings can foster. I was and am determined to be ever more conscious of the power behind these emotions and to ask my version of God/Goddess to continue to guide me and give me strength to transform that power into what is beautiful and kind and loving in the world. Thanks so much again for your inspiring As to our Qs. And Thanks to lovely Ava and her Mom for the Q! Anne XO

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your beautiful and unique perspective, Anne. Your physical awareness and how it transforms within your artistic work is pretty amazing. Keep following that divine guidance and you’ll be amazed where it takes you. xo

  179. Amazing video Marie! I agree. Taking action is the best way to transform energy. Your point re: talking to someone you trust is also KEY. When I was 14 I needed to lose a little weight. It made me feel stressed out so I took action (to try to feel better) and went on a (self-defeating) diet. Because I didn’t talk to anyone about my goals and how to reach them, I ended up isolating myself with misinformation. The result? I was preoccupied by trying to lose weight for 10 years 🙁 Had I opened up to someone, to make a plan–before diving in and taking action, I could have saved a lot of time. Educate yourself by talking to others. Knowledge is power.

  180. Ava, I love your question and Marie I love your answer. I felt like my six-year-old self watching it. When I was six I didn’t know about this. Emotions were not a big deal in our family. Ava, I’m so glad you reached out. This will help a lot of people. Here is an example from myself. Often times when I feel anger, and the reason is often that other people don’t do what they said they will do or one is blaming another and not taking responsibility for their life. I love to go for a run and listen to rock music. This helps me to feel and process the anger. Afterward, I feel better and have new energy. Sometimes it is enough to go for one run. Other times it takes longer. This can be a couple of days that I notice there is still anger. I just observe it. But I never harm or attack anyone with it. I think the more body awareness we have the quicker we can process it. I’m currently in a training to understand and feel my body and it impacts better. Wish you all the best!

  181. Marieke Prins

    Hi Marie,
    Thanks for this episode! It helped me do something useful with my dissatisfaction about a project that we have been working on for four years and is now on stage ( it’s a play). Now that it is on, and while there is still work to do, one of the main co-workers has lost interest because he is also doing many other projects. This means settling for less than we could do.
    I was used to only standing up for other people. When something hurt me, I’d surpress my anger, transforming what remained (a lot!) into a reproach to myself, – it must be something I have done wrong- and letting some resentment escape in the form of derogatory remarks towards or about the other person. Not very nice, and not effective at all!
    Of course it’s a good idea to also look at where I go wrong, but not to immediately take that turn everytime. Now that I saw your episode I took a big sheet of paper and mapped what is not right and what to do about it. Much better!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      See how different that feels, Marike?! By taking that action you just gave yourself a gift that will serve you well today and in the future. Sending you a big Team Forleo high five. We’re so glad that you’re here. xo

  182. Jenna Amunsdon

    I have often been angered about the things happening in my country, America, right now. I get infuriated about many things..all the things. Probably the one thing that infuriates me the most is our treatment of people of color because racism is pure BS. As a white woman, I have no idea what being a person of color feels like; however, I can learn. And so, I have used my anger to dig in and educate myself, starting with books about racism because I feel knowledge is power. Also, I find organizations to get involved with to keep apprised and aware of what is going on, such as the Real Justice PAC and reliable places to get my news, such as The Daily Pnut and News & Guts, helmed by Dan Rather. I find ways I can use the resources I have to support organizations I believe in, such as StreetRoots in my hometown of Portland, Oregon and Together Rising. I write about how I am feeling and the anger I have in my daily practice of morning pages because this helps me get it out and on the page and I have found this to be one of the most constructive ways to deal with my anger and figure out the next steps. I have learned to let my anger burn and then move me to action. We are too often taught, as Marie says, that it’s a bad emotion. I don’t believe that to be true at all. Anger directed into action can be powerful. What an insightful question from a six-year old!

  183. Gustavo

    Love it….very inspirational answer…you transform a difficult question into a great lesson….it is not what happen to us, it is how we use it!

  184. Eva, I was really angry that my parents for a long time. They never recognized who I was or could become and put down the very things that were my strengths just because they did not know better. Parent mean well but many times because of how they grew up they do and say some really weird things. So what did I do with my anger…I created a Foundation to teach children all over the world how to recognize their strengths and show up in the world. My programs are in classrooms all over the world and I now even built an APP that kids use. Now tens of thousands of kids can be confident in their strengths regardless of what anyone tells them…even their parents! I made my anger a movement;-)

  185. This is a great episode, Marie; quite insightful and I have learnt quite a lot from this particular episode.

  186. Thanks Marie for speaking about God in such a light and helpful way. Sometimes I feel shame to even mention that I believe or speak to Him. And for being so open and honest and vulnerable and POSITIVE!!! I’m slowly transforming into my own more positive person. IT helps to surround myself with your words and encouragement and light-ness on life! Amazing!

  187. Shannon

    A number of years ago, a respected friend and colleague said to me, “Depression is anger turned inward.” At that time in my life, I was not in a place where I could process or understand that statement. In my professional life, I was not in a place I was proud of, yes, I was working in the career I desperately wanted since childhood but I was not proud of the work I was doing in the field. Personally, I was a bit of a wreck, divorced at a young age, single moving into my thirties and not really sure where this life was taking me.
    About a year ago, I started a journey, a journey of self-discovery, one where I have committed to understanding who I am, where I came from and why I react / respond the way I do in each situation. I had a moment of clarity, one where I finally recognized the common denominator in both my professional and personal life: ME. I used to get angry at others for not carrying their weight in the workplace, for (my perception) hurting me personally and in a variety of other situations . Now, in moments of anger, I stop, I recognize the emotion and use introspection to think it through by asking myself a series of questions: What specifically about this incident has made me angry? Am I reacting with anger because I am hurt? Scared? Is my ego bruised? Disappointed? Once I get quiet and ask myself these questions and ultimately figure out why I am angry, I take the anger energy and shift my focus on how to use it in a positive way. Introspection can be scary, looking hard at our inward self and maybe recognizing we do not like how we visualize ourselves and others. BUT, introspection gives us opportunity, a way to improve our perception of ourselves, of others, of the situation. It can provide clarity and the opportunity to create a new, positive, energizing force from which we can draw new conclusions and have an impact like never before. Anger is not a negative emotion. Anger is an opportunity for growth. One key point to remember: we are all a work in progress, own yourself, your emotions, your responses and shift your focus, make yourself better, make the world a better place.

  188. This is surely a great read. Even I try this if I am angry and use all this negativity for the good sake.

  189. Lucie Henzlova

    Thank you Marie- great tips I will certainly use them!
    Hi Emma,
    As I evolve and what I have learnt from my experience is that every pain/ obstacle has a hidden message behind. So does anger. I used to suppress, ignore or express those emotions on others in a form of an attack (especially on my mum, brother- people that I love the most).
    If you like to paint then I would follow what Marie said. For me it works well. Sometimes I feel like screaming as I have those thoughts running inside me- perhaps signing or just taking a walk in the nature and let it out or simply speaking about it with your loved ones will allow you to see it for what it is- no more than energy as Marie said- and we all have it, it helps us grow!

    Loads of love

    Lucie

  190. Cinderella Glücklich

    Hey Ava,

    Thank you for asking this question. To give you an example of how useful anger can be, I’ll share my story with you:

    A little more over 2 years ago, I got a job offer that made me feel really proud. I said yes to my future boss and started working for him. Over time, I realised my job wasn’t like it was supposed to be, and I wouldn’t get the opportunities that had been promised to me. I felt hurt and also very angry. It took a while, but one day I thought: Why be angry that my boss does things I don’t like? I will simply do it better than him and strive for a better community like this. For a few weeks, I have been doing different voluntary courses on business education, so that I can become self-employed soon and do things in a better way than my current boss. The courage to follow these steps to self-employment came from my anger that I transformed. Now I am happy about my courage, and curious on what the future will bring. Good luck on transforming your anger, too! xX

  191. Hi Marie, long time no see and and as usual your blog always motivate me!
    I reAlly like the question of Ava, i bet a lot people wonder about this. And your answer make me more surprise because the normal question I heard is keep deep breath and reduce you anger and i(t will lose. But you give me how to transform it, it has a lot of meaning to me, you know.
    I am not a anger type person. But the problem usually make me angry is when someone else doubt about my ability in job (favorite job). The good thing is after that I choose keep silence, keep trying hard to do my job best. After all I realise that doubt make me realise a lot of things, and give me more energy to work.
    I think the second step on your Tip is important. As I see a lot of people when they get angry, they will blame (worse is swear) – that is negative energy.
    Thank you so much! Hope to see more video
    P/s: Plus I love you shirt

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Julie! Thank you so much for tuning in, and we’re so happy to hear that our MarieTV episodes are always motivating. We’ll definitely be sharing more great videos with you each week, so stay tuned! 🙂

  192. Patrick

    What a wonderful episode. You guys are such a positive force in a world that can be so negative at times. Keep up the wonderful works that you do.

  193. Hi Marie and thanks for your tips… Your post are always great ideas and i congratulate you for this.

  194. DNN

    The anger I felt or sometimes still feel about pas situations from time to time I transform into positive energy through writing and “getting my side hustle going,” as Marie would say. “Side hustle millionaire” status is a clear path claimed and it surely has a way of positively critiquing my character. Anger transforms into more content which boosts SEO and opens the virtual online floor to constructive criticism and compliments on how I dealt with past situations and learned to hold my head in the moment when I knew someone or a group of people such as my jealous family members provoked me. I did lash out at a few family mebers in anger in the recent past for slandering me, but nowadays I would gladly ignore them, walk away, keep working on my online business and with the mindset of “get that side hustle going boyee’ and I better NOT give up cause [they’s is] looking.” I wrote they’s is on purpose cause some of my folks are pure street ghetto minded and I said that to be funny. My anger is now transforming into [side hustle millionaire] status because the power of positive thinking is helping me today to see the good waiting for me down the road and ignoring the “hataz.” 🙂

    Thanks again for another thought provoking post Marie. Hugs! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  195. valery

    Hi thank you so much for this video, was exactly what I need to remember: feel it, question it, transform it, I think Im so angry because I did things that not result good for my life because they were not good desicions, and now I really want to changue that in order to make better desicions for me and my life.And you help me to figured that out, thank you so much Marie(and team).
    God bless you…

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We’re glad this message resonated so deeply with you, Valery! Feeling angry at times is part of what makes us human, but it can also be a powerful tool for taking positive action and creating change in our lives. While our past choices don’t define who we are, they’re an important part of our story, so we’d love to encourage you to be gentle and compassionate toward yourself as you continue to grow. We’re grateful to have you in our world!

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