Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Have you ever worked so hard to improve a part of your life, only to have it all come crashing down in a matter of seconds?

It happened to today’s guest, the ever inspiring Lizzie Velasquez, who was born with a rare syndrome that prevents her from gaining weight. As you can imagine, growing up was not easy for her, but she made friends and engaged in activities, to the point where her illness and appearance didn’t define her.

Until one day, she stumbled across a viral video called, “The Ugliest Woman Alive.” It was about her.

Think about that. Imagine that happening in your life now, never mind in high school. “I felt like I had worked so hard to get my confidence up to a certain level,” she said, “and then all of a sudden, within 2.5 seconds it was just gone.”

You get to decide how you want to define yourself to the world. @littlelizziev Click To Tweet

Despite enduring enough bullying to last several lifetimes, today Lizzie is a world-renowned speaker, 3-time published author, an anti-bullying activist, the subject of a documentary called A Brave Heart and a YouTube star.

In this episode she opens up about what it really means to be such a public face for kindness, including:

  • The must-hear story of how she rose above shame and publicly acknowledged her depression, even while a movie was being made about her life.
  • Why posting vulnerable YouTube videos has become her favorite thing to do.
  • Why the words bully and victim don’t mean what you think they mean.
  • How Lizzie gets almost entirely positive comments on YouTube (hint: it’s about giving what you want to receive).

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

The world doesn’t need you to change yourself to be more normal. What the world needs is people who truly embrace differences, physical and otherwise. @littlelizziev via @marieforleo

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

Which insight or takeaway is most relevant to your life right now and why?

Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your story may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be removed.

Lizzie, more than anyone else I’ve ever met, walks her talk. If you implement just one piece of her approach to radical kindness you can, quite literally, change the world.

Thank you, as always, for being here and sharing your voice, thoughts, questions and support.

If anyone you know — family, friends, students, daughters, sons or anyone else struggles with bullying, please share this episode. It could be a lifesaver.

With Great Love,

XO

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202 comments

  1. It´s so true! Kindness is the key to everything. We´re harder and more mean to ourselves than to anyone else. So if we´re able to remember that, when someone hurts us we´ll be able to view it under a different light. A light of forgiveness and kindness. And we´ll stop perpetuating the pain.
    Thank you so much for this interview. You´re both amazing!

  2. This was so inspirational. I’m still processing all that Lizzie shared as well as your insights, Marie. The part about the bully opened my mind in a new way. Thank you!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s so different than how we usually think about bullying situations––it really is mindblowing in a way! It’s further proof that compassion always wins.

  3. Lorri

    Thi by far has been your very very best interview and I want to tell you why….she has no idea how important she is to so many of us…I didnt even pay attention to how she looks because her heart is pure & full of love..thank you for being the beautiful soul that you are…to me your the MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD. Your so geniue and honest thank you

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! True beauty comes from within. <3

  4. Thank you thank you thank you Lizzie and Marie,
    So much love, I’ve been WAITING FOR THIS. Crying within the first three minutes because it’s so impactful. Lizzie thank you for being a soul on this earth that shows us radical kindness, courage and authenticity. I’ve been having vivid nightmares all about being accepted and now I just want to keep moving forward and follow your light. Thank you from my heart of hearts.
    Much Love,
    Emily

  5. Thank you for this interview! Lizzie speaks as a channel for what God teaches us about loving yourself and forgiveness. What a beautiful person!

    • Jacklynn Neumann

      Couldn’t agree more with this comment!

  6. Christina

    MARIE AND LIZ!!! Thank you for posting this episode!! Liz, I loved your TED talk!
    The grass is always greener on the other side because it’s fertilized with bullshit! True story! If we took the time to comment a positive thing or to give someone a compliment to a perfect stranger, we would be in a much more inclusive world.
    I grew up through elementary school with vitilago, a autoimmune skin condition which causes my skin pigment to become lighter in some places. I joke and say that my browness went on vacation 😉. I found the humour in my different-ness because it was the only way I could survive. Depression, anxiety, mental wellness, mental illness- oh yeah! Diagnosed with all of these conditions & advised to go on medication. But the reality is bullying is TERRIBLE, it continues into adulthood and in such a way that medical professionals feel they have the authority to make me feel bad/terrible worse. And then the world of “trying to fit in” as a woman is even more exciting. Liz, you are absolutely right: there is a victim and an abuser and both need our help in different ways. Thank you for reinforcing this crucial point.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      YES! Our differences are what make us beautiful. Our hope is that by supporting victims and bullies both, each in the way they need, more people will realize that and the world will be a more loving, inclusive place.

  7. What a BEAUTIFUL person inside & out! So blessed to have seen this today, I have a bully that I have been trying to think of ways of trying to ‘shut down’ now I know it’s not reacting but showing kindness!
    Fantastic interview and thank you, thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart!

    xxoo
    Diane

  8. Thank video was INCREDIBLE!!!!! WOW, such an incredible woman (women including Marie 😉
    The part about speaking up about mental health and depression and I could see Marie getting vulnerable as well. That touched me deeply because I, like probably 98% women out there, have struggled (still struggle) with that and to hear and see strong women who have overcome it (or still overcoming it) is extremely empowering to those who feel trapped with no way out!

    AMAZING blog, THANK YOU!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re not alone, Jody, and there is a way out. We believe depression is real and understand that it can be debilitating at times. We encourage you to take care of yourself and seek the care you need to live your best life. We believe in you!

  9. Frederique Warner-Allen

    Wow! Thank you Marie for interviewing Lizzie Velasquez. What an incredible, beautiful lady…. I didn’t know her… Thank you.
    I admire you two ladies! I will listen to your conversation again. It’s a gift.
    I love when Lizzie reminds us that we must take care of the victim but also the bullying person. I guess we all are one or the other regularly… It reminds me of Anita Moorjani (another beautiful human being) who said that she realises that there was no difference between her dying at the hospital from her cancer and somebody who is in prison for a crime. Fear can explose through illness or violence.
    Anyway, Lizzie is an amazing example of courage and beauty… And she has incredible hands! I am a pianist and I think Lizzie’s hands are made for playing piano! Do you play piano Lizzie?
    Kisses galore to you both from London. Fred xxx

  10. Cynthia Allen

    Maria and Lizzie – Such amazing insight from a beautiful, amazing soul. Wow! My take away is I can still be kind and not worry about it being taken for weakness.. But, to look beyond what’s happening on the surface into the depths of the heart and through it – always be me. Can’t wait to read your book. Thank you for the genuine interview. I could listened for hours.

  11. Tina

    Thank you for sharing your story Lizzie! I resonate so much about being vulnerable. I have struggled throughout my life with self-expression and speaking my truth in a way to avoid conflict. I understand now how this hurt myself and others. Going forward, I choose to speak authentically.
    Keep blessing us with your courage and truths!
    Love,
    Tina

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Woohoo! You can do it, Tina! 🙂

  12. “Hurt people hurt people”. So simple, but sadly, so true. It’s a great reminder to be kind to everyone. Thank you so much for this beautiful interview!

  13. Tara

    Excellent interview. I think it’s an important point that we must have compassion for those who bully, and seek to understand the true motives behind their actions. However, a word of caution that a small percentage of the population – those with toxic personality disorders that are also bullies – rely and count on compassion to continue to injure their victims. Compassion from a victim to a bully can be dangerous and keep someone trapped in a cycle of abuse. Maybe that’s a different conversation though.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s an excellent point, Tara. We definitely encourage everyone to take care of themselves first and foremost and if someone is actively harming or abusing them, it’s okay to step away from that situation. It’s important to be compassionate with ourselves, too, and understand that someone may not be in a place where they’re able to receive compassion from us.

  14. Rahul

    Have to help yourself to help others

  15. Selvia

    Hai Marie, the part that inspires me the most is when Lizzie told about definition, because her statement makes me think about what kind of definition that I want that people see in me. Instead of “smart” or “kind” (although those qualities are good too), I prefer “assertive”, “gratitude”, “humble”, “secure”, and “peaceful”. And the part that Lizzie share that it isn’t about the bullies and the victim makes me realize that repressed anxiety and anger only leads to negative aggression. So, I think it’s more healthy to deal with those negative emotions in assertive ways. Thank you for sharing.

  16. Sue Ellen

    Thank you for being so willing to share your story Lizzie. But in thanking you, I am also recognizing the hardships that you have faced and the strength that you have built up in yourself to overcome those hard times. I have always heard that if we want to become stronger we need to look to others who have conquered a more difficult time. Your video has impacted my life today, because I am struggling with a family relationship, and now I know that of all the tools at my disposal to change it, continuing with kindness is my best tool. ❤️

  17. Michelle

    This was just incredible! The part that stuck out to me most was the comment about bullies and victims both needing help, but in different ways. I have been thinking a lot lately about how a perpetrator is frequently a victim of the same crime they are committing, especially when it comes to sexual assault. I hope more people can hear this message (esp hurt people hurt people) and use it to help themselves heal or to help others heal (be it the bully or victim) especially as the #metoo movement grows. I get stuck in victim mindset a lot of the time, and my New Years resolution was to work hard to not do so anymore. This has been an essential lesson to learn in order to progress with that resolution, so I am glad to have a video to watch for the rest of my life as a reminder of this lesson! 😀 Thank you for all the work you do, Marie and Lizzie!

  18. Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti

    There was so that was rich, but I think my main takeaway was, “You get to decide how you want to define yourself to the world.” That’s something I’m just now learning, after so many years of letting other people define me and tell me what MY reality is. Thank you!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love it! You get to be who you want to be. 🙂

  19. What a fantastic interview, Marie and team! The part about how Lizzy’s parents handled the bullies was incredible. Such a great insight to remember in these times.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      They really did handle the situation amazingly. I’d be curious to know if people actually took them up on the offer to say hi and talk to Lizzie. I imagine the bullies were embarrassed, but what an opportunity to meet a beautiful soul and learn that we’re all just humans trying to figure this whole life thing out.

  20. Máire

    Thank you! Both Marie and Lizzie. For me, there was no special moment in the interview rather, each point made, each topic touched upon, was spoken about with such authenticity and love that I felt changed. Some knot within my chest shifted, just a little. Just enough.
    Comments like “beauty comes from within”, can sometimes sound trite and a way of highlighting how you perhaps think someone is not beautiful on the outside. The thing is, ideas of physical beauty are as shifting sand. But true beauty never changes. Lizzie, you are the absolute personification of the transformative power of love and forgiveness and your beauty is truly mesmerising.

  21. Jacklynn Neumann

    One of the best interviews so far on your blog! Love this so much! Everyone is fighting a battle internally…..be kind.

  22. I loved this, will be buying the book. 😊

  23. Wow…. I’m soooo touched by this interview with Lizzie…. it’s about everything she talks about with you Marie. Every single word makes sense and to me she is up there with other beautiful women who stand up and make a difference to the world. We should all do it together… especially as women to create a kinder, nurturing and safe place for people to live in. Touched deeply in my heart by your story Lizzie…. keep up the amazing work and I support you big time. Your energy is amazing. And yes the bully and the victim both need help and support because their pain comes from different places, traumas etc…. and when you heal you will discover that LOVE is the only way home!
    Adore you both…. thank you for sharing your stories and inspiring others on this beautiful planet….. NAMASTE 🙏
    Carolyn

  24. Magda Krueger

    This is one of the best interviews I’ve seen for a long time – I’m obsessed now with Lizzy. What an inspiration and wisdom to be shared. The comment that I think was the most important was the one about helping a bully as well as a victim. They both need help, as counterintuitive as it might be, if we want to bring a positive change to the world.
    Thank you, Marie, for introducing us to Lizzy!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Magda, thank you so much for sharing your take-away here. Yes, only when we look at a bullying situation from all sides, and attend to all parties involved, will change truly occur going forward. We’re so glad you connected with Lizzie!

  25. Linda Selby

    Wow. What an amazing interview. Lizzie speaks purely from her heart and it makes me feel encouraged to see someone so authentic and caring speak her truth the way she does. I’m so grateful that she has the parents she has and that they were instrumental in keeping her aware of her gifts. We are blessed by her example of what it is to be a loving human being. Wow. What a beautiful soul.

  26. Louis

    Really liked the discussion on the bully and the victim. Given how much conflict there is in the world, this would be an interesting topic to explore further to find a way for both to succeed.

  27. Megan Johnson

    My daughter is only 5 1/2 years old. Every once in a while she comes home from school in tears claiming that no one wants to be her friend. Of course the inner-city tough kid in me wants to lash out — which as we all know, only reenforces negativity with more negativity. So instead of throwing out hand, attaching it to my high hip and rounding my head — I look her in the eye — and tell her that she is a very nice, fun and caring girl. And it whatever that persons issue is — it has nothing to do with her. I tell her they might be having a bad day, maybe they weren’t feeling well or maybe they just wanted to play a different game. And that it’s very likely they will be her friend when they are open to it — later. But until then, I tell her to look for someone else in need of a friend. There is always someone else feeling just as left out. Practice being a good friend to them. It will be worth it.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      What a beautiful lesson to teach your daughter Megan, to look for someone else who might need a friend. This is such a lovely way to turn her pain into fuel for good.

  28. Very special! All her answers and your questions. It really opens all minds to realize that we all are able to live a wonderful life, if we want to…!!! Thanks so much to you and to Lizzie!

  29. Thank you for this terrific interview, Marie and Lizzie!
    I saw you TED talk several years ago, and am delighted that you haven’t gone off into oblivion after doing that.
    “Hurt people hurt other people” ~ it’s so important to keep that in mind, especially in these days of s-o-o-0 many people doing so much ‘public hurting’ of others ~ love the bullies, too, because they need love as much as any of us do!
    Blessings to all of us!

  30. OMG 😲 soooo much kindness on my screen was just what I needed to start this new year in beauty! Lizzy is an angel 👼🏻 ❤️❤️❤️
    Be kind to bullies…. is my life lesson for this episode… When I get a bullycomment I usually just delete it…
    Thank you so much ☺️

  31. Tanya

    Lizzie is so lovely. Thank you for opening up and sharing a bit of yourself with us. XO.

  32. OH MY GOD!
    Does it make sense to say that I’m crying inside? (Yes, probably because I’ll let go after I have written this comment).
    How can one be so true and so authentic?
    Lizzie, Marie, thank you so much. I can’t say what touched me the most. I can say that I can relate to what Lizzie said, and yes, the world (bullies and victims) totally has to be seen from a different perspective.
    Thank you so much ladies, you are a real example for us, and I feel honored that you’re actually out there speaking UP. Thank’s again.
    Lili

  33. Joanna

    Wonderful. Love is the cure for everything; only love can stop violence. However I often find it difficult to implement in my daily life, I do believe it is true.
    Thank you both for this interview.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Love is always the answer! And remember, just like anything, love can also be something we need to practice in moments when it’s difficult. You’re doing great Joanna, keep going!

  34. Cathy

    Love this interview. This was my first time hearing Lizzie’s story and it really touched my heart. Her vulnerability and strength are real gifts to the world. Each morning when my daughter heads off to school I always say, “Be kind to yourself and others.” I truly believe that kindness is healing and we must as Lizzie says, “Dare to Be Kind.” So glad this popped up in my email today. Thanks Marie and Lizzie for filling my heart today. Hugs!

  35. Lizzie is Courage!
    Thanks to Lizzie and Marie, more and more of us can generate the courage to step into our authentic selves and serve the world with Vulnerability, Empathy, Love and Acceptance. Gratitude and Love – Truly Inspired ~
    Who we are, what we have, how we feel and How We Treat Others is a direct Reflection of the Perception we have of ourselves.
    #circles11

  36. Safena

    Thank you so much ladies for this valuable life lesson. I had that epiphany the other day. It is impossible for someone to inflict pain who is not coming from pain. My struggle is I’m very sensitive so in one way it makes bullying even harder to handle because of how deep it cuts. I know in my heart the remedy is to love the “unlovable”…but I still get so angry. Lizzie you are so brave to put yourself out there. I keep waiting for perfection to move or a guarantee that i won’t get hurt. You role model to live now fully in and it is survivable even when you hit that rock bottom. Lizzie you are this amazing unique combination of gentle playful fierce warrior. You will forever come to mind when I need the courage to step up and step out. And I will be able to handle the slings and arrows if I center myself in love. We need your powerful presence more than ever. Please keep on keeping on! Love you both! Safena

    • A “gentle warrior!” What a wonderful goal to aspire to!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Safena, we love that this episode spoke to you so strongly. The thing to remember is that leading with love is always a practice. And as a human with emotions, it’s ok to feel affected when you’re encountered with bullying; where the shift can come is allowing yourself to move through those emotions instead of letting them get the better of you. Please keep coming back to this conversation whenever you need a jolt of inspiration from Lizzie and Marie!

    • Christine Bates

      Safena … Beautiful name.

  37. chuck kovach

    Hi Marie! I absolutely loved this! Lizzy is a lovely, extraordinary, amazing soul. So many take aways from this. The one that got me, was that both the bully and the victim need help. Thats so insightful and so different than what society would have you believe. Thank you so much for bringing Lizzy and her beautiful story into my world. What a gift she is.
    Love all your videos and you truly are one of a kind. You inspire.
    Thank you
    Chuck

  38. The part about having compassion for the bully is so incredible. Thank you for this amazing insight. The world needs this on so many levels.

  39. Laurie Moore Skillings

    Lizzie, thank you for sharing your insight that victims and bullies both need help—in different ways! ♥

  40. I seriously cannot pick a favorite part of this episode because there are so many amazing parts. I’m currently reading Judgement Detox and this goes so hand in hand with the issue of being kinder and putting positivity in the world. I’ve followed Lizzie’s story for a very long time and am a huge fan. I have been working hard to pause when I get frustrated, hurt, annoyed or angry, to ask myself why and not giving people the power to make me feel that way but instead to see the positive light in them. As a blogger and online business owner, I have some issues putting things out there because I know sometimes people can be so cruel. I think it’s so important to stop and remind yourself that hurt people hurt people and those mean or hateful words are rarely about the person they are being said to. Thank you so much for having Lizzie on the show. I have to check out her book next!

  41. Thank you so much beautiful souls Marie & Lizzie.
    Approaching towards people with compassion no matter which role are playing – victim or bully is crutial for healling the world. And that you for sharing that.

  42. Rosa

    Thank you so much, Lizzie and Marie, for a deeply inspiring and touching video… so much wisdom there. What is most valuable for me right now is the confirmation that both the bully and the victim need help in different ways. For me this is the heart of non-violence, and I see it as relevant to many areas of life… wherever there is oppression, to truly heal the situation we need to heal hearts on both sides of the equation. Thank you for this.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      So well said Rosa!

  43. Laura

    I loved this interview, especially the part that not only victims need help but also bullies. I would love to read Lizzie’s book. Compassion is the key to a better future. My respects to both of you.

  44. I love that you say that they both need our help. I was bullied for 11 years and as an adult, I’ve realized that it is true that both need help. I was fortunate that it made me stronger instead of push me down, as it did for some of the others at the schools I went to.

  45. Chelsea Reimers

    I especially appreciated the importance of finding the courage to be vulnerable. Finding spaces to release and review our feelings about current situations that are having an effect on our life. Lizzie defines the all to common response of ignoring or supressing our feelings that could be looked at as selfish, cruel or… Lizzie defines the next step as
    the hurt person then finds themselves hurting someone else.
    My take away is to see situations with more understanding and to be a person who could step in and ask questions of the hurting person, providing a safe space for that person to find courage to move through their hurt. I will share this episode with my friends, thank you Marie for this interview. Chelsea Reimers

  46. Annie

    “I was allowing myself to be attacked by my own thoughts …” Wow! I so resonated and identified with this statement, it brought me to tears….
    Also love that Lizzie celebrates the freedom to not be positive all the time on her videos – that she dares to be vulnerable as well as writing Dare to be Kind …. and at the same time, whilst busting that myth of positivity – (fake positivity can be so exhausting, right?!) – she still invites us to be humane and positive in the way that we post comments and generally interact with other people.
    Thank you Marie for bringing Lizzie to us and thank you Lizzie for sharing your wisdom, vulnerabilities and strengths with us.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      That line got me right away as well! Thank you for your gorgeous take-away here; we’re big fans of celebrating authenticity in every form, and we’re so glad this episode resonated with you.

  47. I need to watch this again and again. Very inspirational!

  48. Anne

    Lizzie is so beautiful!!!
    I was bullied all through school starting in 3rd grade. Now, my real friends added me to the FB group for the HS reunion and it’s disgusting how friendly and jovial they all are with each other when if the sexual innuendos and pranks and harassment was written below their names it would be so different. They would have been arrested for the things they did but today, you are just supposed to get over it. And it’s harder than it sounds.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Anne, we’re so sorry that you experienced that in school. Definitely keep coming back to this conversation with Lizzie; as painful as it might be to see some people ‘get away with it’, you’re so much stronger for showing compassion not only for the bullies, but mostly for yourself.

      It sounds like you’ve surrounded yourself with real friends who love you for you, and the more you spend time with powerful and positive people, the stronger you become. We’re sending you virtual hugs!

  49. Vulnerability and comparison, for sure! What an amazing reminder that we all are more similar than we are different. We all want to be seen and be loved and fear often runs the show, censoring how we interact with others, essentially robbing both parties of potential connection. I’m so impressed by Lizzie’s insights and inspired by her wisdom and example of vulnerability. Thank you for a great message!!! 🙂

  50. I would welcome someone asking me if I wanted to say “hi” to their child, especially, who was “different.” We all need to take the opportunity to connect with each other as human beings. Studiously avoiding/ignoring someone’s differences isn’t the answer, either, because those differences are part of them and have molded them into who they are. But I’m also aware that some interesting (which to me is what “different” implies) people may be tired of being singled out for attention. So if I catch eye contact (with pretty much anyone) I simply give them a human-to-human smile. We’re all in this together!

    Considering what I just wrote, though, I realized that I totally avoid eye contact with others when I’m in a bad mood. Am I keeping myself from bringing others down, or am I keeping myself from being acknowledged and having to acknowledge my own pain? Which leads me to the (startling, for me) conclusion that my anger/irritation stem from pain, just as much as sadness does. (And only now am I crying.)

    This is why I love Marie TV. It’s the basis of so many insights and revelations.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      These are all such great questions Anita! And who knows, in those moments of not wanting to make eye-contact, there might be someone else out there who would love the opportunity to lift you up with a smile of their own. We’re all in this together!

  51. Thank you so much, Marie and Lizzie. It was lovely to meet you, Lizzie. You both touched me deeply with your kindness and honesty. The 2 things that stood out for me today was the need for us all to stop labeling ourselves and each other. Depression and unhappiness can hit at any time no matter what’s happening on the outside, just as joy can come when life looks like a hot mess. The other was the truth about the victim/bully dynamic. So powerful! Much love to you both.

  52. Monica

    This was yet another AMAZING show….I absolutely love Lizzie. I am so inspired by today’s show. She is ‘THE’ person that I want to strive to be like. Forgiving….so powerful, and I struggle with that. She taught me a lot, and reminded me of all that I need to work on. I adore her and can’t wait to see what she will do in this world that we live in. We need more people like her. She always touches my heart…XOXO….SOOO much love to her, and you Marie. Thank you for all you do.

  53. This may be my favorite interview. At first I had to deal with my own preconceived ideas about beauty while watching Lizzie speak. Then I felt such compassion for her and as I did, she became more attractive. Her intelligence, insight, self-awareness, are all beautifully human traits. By the end, I wanted to be her friend because of her beautiful heart and how she taught me that outside beauty comes in many forms. Bravo to Marie and to Lizzie. Thank you!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      What a powerful transformation throughout the course of the video. This must have been so interesting to witness in yourself, and we’re thrilled to hear how this conversation – and Lizzie – inspired you to shift your initial perceptions about beauty.

  54. Jane

    Wow, so deep and meaningful. I appreciate Marie and who and what she brings to her TV show! I really loved the “Nuggets o Wisdom”: “The consequences of not finding the courage to be vulnerable are dire. Emotional isolation, an emotional or physical breakdown or worse – you risk becoming a hurt person who hurts other people due to your own inner pain”.
    This is such a true statement. Inner pain, unfortunately, causes so much damage to oneself and to others closest to you. Being able to speak and have a voice allow healing to happen….
    Thank you.

  55. Pam

    If only this could be mandatory viewing in schools-a truly incredible message that needs to be heard. Thank you to you both!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      What an excellent idea! Start it in your community and let us know how it goes!

  56. Learning that both the Bully and the victim need our help was great and seeing your strength Lizzie in facing up to and dealing with negative comments that hurt has given me an understanding of how to deal with those. Truly wonderful, thank you Marie and Lizzie.

  57. Tina Norris Fields

    Thank you for this interview.
    The point that I most take to heart is the “hurt people hurt people.” Lizzie is right when she says that in a bullying situation there are two people who need help – in different ways.
    That really helps me remain compassionate for the people I encounter who are or have been unkind to me.
    Thanks again, Marie, for airing this interview. And, thanks, Lizzie, for your courage, your strength, and your compassion. Really glad you didn’t remove yourself from our world.

  58. Lizzie, you are an amazing teacher for all of us. You don’t have to be perfect to show us the way. Thank you. You are beautiful inside and out. Your point about the dire consequences of lack of courage or emotional isolation is EXACTLY what our world needs to hear right now, as people retreat behind their screens instead of reaching our for human connection. This struck a particular chord with me. Marie, you’re the best for showcasing inspirational people (especially women) like Lizzie. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  59. I am so appreciative of you Lizzy, and the difference you are making in the world.
    The insight that I most resonated with is the idea that when we are hurting, we hurt others. I can really relate to this. I have just turned a corner from the darkest depths of depression I have felt in my life and finally see the creative light again just this week. All of a sudden I have hope again, and have found the energy to build my future and make my art. Looking back, I see that it was when I was hurting the most that I was making such mean comments to my family, the people who love me the most. This is hard for me to share, because I have a rule that I only share positive things online, but it really is important to get this. It makes me so sad to know I have hurt those I care about the most, and didn’t really knowing how to stop until I got help for myself. Thank you Lizzy and Bless your brave heart. I love you.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Alisa, we’re so glad that you’re feeling hopeful again. We’re always encouraging you to do whatever you need to take care of yourself. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can right now, and acknowledging where you’ve been and where you want to go. As long as you keep being honest with yourself and practice self-compassion, you’re doing a beautiful job.

  60. Katie

    Great interview, biggest take away for me was: there is a bully and a victim and both need our help in different ways. Powerful and eyeopening message.
    Thank you Lizzie and Marie.

  61. paul

    thank you Marie and Lizzie, that was a beautiful conversation…it warmed my heart~
    I had a photo show last year titled “I am looking at myself” and one of the quotes(from Goethe) that went along with it resonates with your interview which I will share with everyone… namaste, paul
    – “I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am
    the decisive element. It is my personal approach
    that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that
    makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to
    make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of
    torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can
    humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it
    is my response that decides whether a crisis is
    escalated or de-escalated, and a person is
    humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as
    they are, we make them worse. If we treat people
    as they ought to be, we help them become what
    they are capable of becoming.” – Goethe

    • Thanks Paul, I love the words in the poem you shared. On another perspective, I started to notice that when I don’t like something about someone, it was often a reflection of something I didn’t like in myself. In coaching there is a view that the people in our lives are a mirror of our experience. An opportunity to reflect what is the message we are sending to the world, that creates the experience we are having. Can we change it, and if we can opportunity to do so.

      • paul

        thank you Leanne – for sharing words of wisdom for change… if we all could be selfish in a positive way by focusing on ourselves to fix(HEAL) ourselves….

  62. Marie’s interviews have such candid subjects. Lizzie Velasquez was no exception.

    My a-ha moment appeared when Lizzie spoke on wishing for greener pastures as she watched her cousins at the dinner table. She longed to have a “normal” life such as theirs then one cousin told her she felt likewise because Lizzie was traveling and successful. This led Lizzie to believe that we all see greener grass on the other side.

    Personal case in point: Long ago as a young adult still living with my parents, my younger brother and his girlfriend brought their newborn girl to meet us. As I watched my parents dote on their grandchild, I felt like an outsider because I felt incapable and inadequate to bring home a grandchild.

    Later there would be a nasty breakup and custody disputes. I’m glad those realities spared me. Still, my niece has grown into a smart and beautiful adult.

  63. Oh how beautiful you are dear Lizzie and dear Marie.
    I thank you with all my heart for touching so many with your wisdom and your openness.
    I had so many mechanisms that worked with topspeed as soon as someone started to like me, my self sabotage worked with absolute perfection. So I started to curse, bit my nails, became convinced that it is not a good idea to support the idea of the other that I am lovable.
    It took me more than 42 years to find out how beautiful I am.
    Now – 21 years later – I KNOW that I am beautiful 😉
    And that I better share my special gifts – Marie, you ‘made me’ 😉
    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

  64. Thanks so much, I am recovering from being the “victim” of 2 bullies in my Church choir of all places and have been wrangling for weeks with how to deal with it.
    New slant and I am up to it!!
    Thanks so very much for your contribution…….
    Pamela

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      We’re so sorry you went through that Pamela, especially in a place where you’re meant to feel supported and safe. We’re glad that this conversation has given you some tools to move forward; we’re supporting you!

  65. Thank you Marie and Lizzie!!
    I truly believe that one person can make a difference in this world!!! Every single person has a story that has formed how they see themselves and have found is not necessarily the truth. Love yourself first in order to love one another.

  66. Hurt people hurt people. A bully and a victim means that ” there’s two people who need our help in different ways.” These are powerful truths. – hard to remember in the heat of the moment sometimes – but none the less profound truth.

  67. What struck me the most of this very moving and inspiring video was, that we each get to decide how we want to define ourselves to the world. I believe this shifts and changes through the years. Yet, the notion that it’s our choice, is to me, much like taking 100% responsibility for where you are in life, and what is it that we want others to say about us. Thank you for this beautiful insightful interview. The raw truth moved me to tears a number of times.
    BE Blessed,
    Deanna

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Yes! That was SUCH a powerful moment in the conversation, and we’re glad that this touched your heart in a deep way.

  68. mary

    I have never been so touched in my life. I cried oceans, admirig Lizzy.
    Thank you for the inspiration, thank you so much.

  69. Jana K.

    What an inspirational and touching video! So much wisdom shared by both of you – thank you! Couldn’t agree more that it is our responsibility to create a kinder future where we support each other rather than ‘attack’ each other. In gratitude, Jana 🙂

  70. Hurt people hurt people…
    It just gives such a profound perspective, and unfortunately it reveals that there are so many hurt people looking for ways to feel better.
    Thank you both for what you do, and for contributing to letting people find better ways to feel better.

    Much love,
    *Merethe Soltvedt

  71. jeanna

    I absolutely loved her take on both the bully and victim need our help. My son was just being bullied at school and our first reaction was anger, NOT curiosity about the bully. Next time we’ll handle it different thanks to this.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      We’re so sorry to hear about your son, and while hopefully you won’t need to confront the situation again, we’re glad to hear that this conversation gave you some new tools to move forward if it happens again. Thank you for your share!

  72. nan

    Thank you both for such a great inspiring interview! Loved the comment about the bully and the victim which is so true. I was inspired by Lizzie and her kindness, love and compassion she has and all that she has been thru…very wise kind soul. Thank you both and Marie I feel the same about you as well so kind and compassionate and authentic – thank you for you interviews and the work you are doing as well!
    God Bless you both!

  73. Lizzie,

    You’re so amazing. I love the story about your parents , they’re equally amazing. I cried , smiled and was cheering for you through the entire Interview. Thank you being a Hero and inspiring me.

    Marie , my favorite thing about you is your heart. You have such a kind heart and that
    Is evident in everything you do.

    Sending you both so much love 😙😙😙😙

    XOXO
    Indu

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your kind words, Indu. It’s clear that you have a kind heart as well. We’re so glad that you’re here. xo

  74. Lizzie talked about the importance of her parents in her journey. They seem to have great instincts in raising a compassionate beautiful person who has learned to love herself and others even when its hard. My hope is that parents of young children will hear this interview and understand that modeling and teaching unconditional love of yourself and others helps overcome life’s sharp edges.

  75. Mel S

    Thank you Marie and Lizzie for sharing you wisdom and stories. I have that you acknowledge there are 2 individuals who need help in different ways- this is so true. I recently wrote a piece on Bullying in schools as this is something I see regularly in my job. I’m yet to share it, but I will be including Lizzies words around this as they capture so much of what I believe.
    Thank you both again for being the brave, kind hearts you are.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Mel, thank you for adding your voice and perspective to help shift the culture around bullying. That’s how we change the world- person by person, generous heart by generous heart. xo

  76. What a beautiful & heartwarming interview Marie.
    Lizzie’s warmth, compassion and her sincere love of life (and fellow humans) shine through … she’s a true gift to the world.
    I hope she’s enjoying reading these comments with a smile 🙂
    Peace, Love, Lizzie!
    xoxo ~ Lee
    p.s. Lizzie, if you’d like a rhinestone tshirt made just for you, please email me – it’s on me!

  77. I was soooo excited to see this in my inbox today! Just saw Lizzie speak last week to a group of teachers in Austin. The entire staff development day was focused on bullying, watching the documentary Bully, having breakout sessions, and then Lizzie was the cherry on top speaker at the end of the day. She blew the entire room away. Her presence just exudes kindness and bravery and her words inspire. I am now a super fan and can’t wait to see what other beautiful things she does in the future. Please have her back on in the future Marie!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for ALL the work that you do in school for those kids, Mindy. We’re so glad that you had double the Lizzie amazingness in one week. Pure magic.

  78. Lacie

    I love you, Lizzie. 💋😇🙏

  79. Your book(s) would be a great addition to all summer reading lists! You’re an inspiration for so many reasons. Acceptance, overcoming, rising, loving still and even more deeply than before: You are all that, and more. Thank you to you both for sharing these sorely needed messages with us all.

  80. Felicia Campos

    Bullies and victims both need our help – just in different ways. – That was a wowzer!!!!!

  81. Sandi

    Thank you so much Lizzie for opening my eyes to a different view of bullying. You are truly a beautiful and very open person who has taught me so much about overcoming adversity and becoming a healing light for others. Thanks, Marie for this interview:)

    • Abigail Grace

      Wow, thank you for this video, thank both of you. Great questions engaging responses.
      To hear this woman be vulnerable was very impactful. But the most impactful was hearing how she was able to see the other people making the video about her as being as hurt as she was. Very powerful. As well as hearing about the depression cover up. Hoping that frees other people to speak out .. oh that I must care for my hurt so I that I do not then become a hurting person- that comment ( I may have misquoted but that was the gist of the idea) really hit home. Thank you

      \\

      • Heather- Team Forleo

        Her grace and compassion for those people was a gift to witness, Abigail. Thank you for watching and taking the time to share your words. xo

  82. Thanks to Marie and Lizzie for sharing this conversation. One of the things I really connected to was in relation to how we approach and treat the perceived bully. As a mature age woman (58) I was brought up in a time where children were to be seen and not heard, that our feelings were often squashed and we didn’t get the opportunity to develop healthy boundaries and to express emotion in an effective and resourceful way. What that meant is the many people in our generation, either lack empathy (pick me, though recovering) or were stoic and protective or a little of both. Then we live in a world where we recognised how dysfunctional that type of upbringing was, and in lots of ways have gone way over to the extreme other-side.

    We have young people who are so delicate, they also don’t have great boundaries, we still didn’t give the opportunity to grow functional self management skills. With the result that there is a whole generation with a vast amount of young people whose resilience skills are almost no existent. Any comment that doesn’t agree with exactly what they say, or proposes an alternative is bullying and uncaring. There is so much judgement of self and others, leading to poor self esteem and either lack of confidence or over confidence, that then leads to a big fall when reality creeps in as they transition into adulthood without foundational adulting skills. They were stunted at some younger level in their ability to manage themselves and so consequently their quality of life is poor too.

    What if for the vast majority of the time we actually assumed that the other person’s intentions were essentially good. That we are not actually the centre of the universe, and not everything is about us. Yes, some of us are prone to absolute clangers, and they can only hurt if we choose to take them that way. We get bent out of shape because someone has a different opinion to us. While not specifically the angle being discussed, it is another aspect of tolerance that we can bring to our everyday. Was what that person said meant to hurt me? If so, why would they want to do that, is that about me, or is it more about them? What I have noticed is that most verbal bullies are really injured people trying to be the lesser injured person. The other perceived bullies are people who tend to be blunt, not to be mean more because they haven’t learned “softeners” and therefore merely direct. Having spent most of my life in the blunt, lack of softeners category, with a warm and caring heart, until recently it was really difficult to understand why people were upset. My intentions were almost always good (I’m human so yes sometimes not so much), so I spent even more time in confusion and beating myself up because I didn’t even understand what I was doing wrong.

    In the world of Emotional Intelligence, which I have been doing lots of research about, I finally figured out, there are four pillars to EQ, Self Awareness, Self Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Management. I had the foundations of self awareness, not even a whole pillar and pretty much barely even footings for any of the others, so my ability to connect was somewhat limited and only learning over the last couple of years how to be more rounded. It is actually really cool to know that we can always grow and change and learn, no matter how old we are. The our neurology is not fixed, it is ever supple and all we have to do is be open to the ability to change.

    We make so many decisions on our “Map of the World”. What I mean by that is based on our experience. Seems reasonable, and yet is where much of our conflict comes from, where two people standing in the same area will view it in entirely different ways based on their lived experience. It’s really limiting, it can be and often is very judgemental, and it leads to poorly thought out responses to situations and consequently damages the ability to connect.

    I love the saying, listen to understand rather than only to reply. If someone says or does something that upsets us, take the time to consider, why am I upset/irritated/annoyed/triggered. Is what was said meant the way I am taking it? Could I ask a clarifying question to check what was actually meant? Until someone takes the time to share that the message being sent, is not the one being received, how can we learn and adjust our styles?

    Thanks again Marie for the education and information that you share to support us all to have the opportunity to grow into all that we can be.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Leanne, thanks for sharing your perspective and words in such an open, honest, and thoughtful way. What you have articulated is a lovely example of how we can shift and change our perspective by listening. The art of listening to understand allows both people in that situation to have a deeper appreciation of the experience. Learning to adjust based on what we know about ourselves, our upbringing, and our environment is a trait that you clearly possess. Thank you.

  83. Aga

    I love you Ladies. Thank you <3
    To me the most important and most inspiring part was Lizzy's courage and commitment to make the world a better place. I look at myself and realise that although I have so many precious thoughts running constantly through my head that could possibly help some people, I don't feel courageous enough, strong enough, committed enough – to present them to the world and stand for them. This conversation has planted a seed to change this.
    Thank you, Lizzy. Thank you, Marie. <3

  84. Caroline McGlynn Tran

    The whole discussion around bullying was fascinating and offered such a refreshing viewpoint. It’s so easy to just dismiss the perpetrator as a arse but that obviously achieves not a damn thing. Thank you so much ladies for your insights.

  85. WOW! A deep bow of GRATITUDE for all of this!!!! I love the story you shared with your parents, it helped me understand the viewpoint of helping the victim AND the bully. And I agree, THIS is a key to helping heal this bully culture.
    Peace, Love, and Gratitude, shan

  86. Wao! What a memorable episode! I’ve just bookmarked it since there are so many pearls there I need to hear it several times! To Lizzie I want to say just “Thank you and Bravo!” You deserve an standing ovation for your courage, wisdom and vulnerability. To Marie also thank you for being such a great interviewer, getting involved and composed at the same time. Love this blog! My take-away: both agresor and victim need compassion.

  87. I watched this video this morning and was so touched. At dinner this evening my 9year old daughter was crying because a group of boys had called her and her friends ugly today on the playground. I shared this interview with her and our son (13yo) after dinner and we had a great discussion about how “hurt people…hurt people” and how Lizzie has overcome her own shame, hurt, & sadness (and continues to do so like the rest of us!) in order to share her gifts of compassion, insight, and love with others.
    My daughter thinks your pretty cool, Lizzie – you made a difference in our family. Thank you for being you. Thank you, Marie for the work you do as well – keep the awesome interviews coming!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for making us a part of our dinner table, Kris. What a gift you gave to your kids to be able to not only witness and listen to Lizzie’s amazingness, but to also discuss it in such a safe environment. Amazing.

  88. This video touched my heart so deeply! Thank you Lizzie and Marie for being brave and putting your beautiful selves out there at any cost to help others. I wish I could bottle this episode up to replay for my toddler when she’s several years older. She was born with a large port wine stain (a vascular birthmark) on her face and neck and although it’s somewhat treatable, it’s an ongoing process and I am worried about possible bullying in her future. I love Lizzie’s point about realizing that there are two individuals who need help and / or guidance in a bullying situation. I am hoping to keep her wisdom with me in the future. Sending so much love!

  89. Gisèle

    I watched the video… we don’t have to judge people, but sometimes we do, unfortunately …. I’ve learned a lot from her experience especially from their parent’s experience, they didn’t prohibit her from anything but they explained to her the consequences, “Chapeau bas” Lizzie . You are a school (a familiar expression in our country: Lebanon).

    and the part of bullying was wow since you saw the two parts.. and not only the victim… and this is the difficult part…

    Love love love <3

  90. Dorit

    Hi Marie!
    Let me start by saying that I love you and everything you do. You are a true inspiration and you give me so much hope. Your channel and website have lifted me up and given me hope when I most needed it more times than I can count. Thank you for sharing your interview with Lizzie…she is so amazing, wise and beautiful! What struck me most was the idea of the bully and victim both being people that need to be helped in different ways. Having compassion for the people that hurt us and others is such a difficult thing to do, so it is such a great reminder that bullying is a cry for help. While on the subject, Sarah Silverman was recently an awesome example of this. Please check this link out if you can: https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/inspired-life/wp/2018/01/08/a-man-trolled-sarah-silverman-on-twitter-she-ended-up-helping-him-with-his-medical-problems
    Thanks again Marie and Lots of love to you! xoxo

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      We shared that article on our Facebook page, Dorit, because we thought the same thing you did- what an example of compassion. We’re so glad that this episode, and that article, resonated with you. Thank you, so much, for being here.

  91. Thank you for a beautiful interview with an incredible soul.

    A call to growth here for all humanity.

    Lizzy said that she didn’t know that her friends were hurting just as much as she was when they saw that video. They were trying to be positive for her sake. The problem is that they were secretly hurting and she was hurting but no one was hurting TOGETHER.

    Why can’t we as humans just get real with each other in the moment and hurt together, grieve together when we need it the most?

    I am taking this as a take away for me today.

    I WILL be more present in my own life, and others lives around me. I will reach out a helping hand without delay. No more thinking everything through first to make sure its done “right”. Just be the person I am.

    I am love.

    Thankful in Sweden.
    Åsa

  92. Marie and Lizzie. This is an extremely positive video discussing some of the core themes about what it means to be human in the 21st century. I always stand up for people who I see being bullied & you’re right, it does make a difference even if it’s to diffuse a power-play at work.

    Marie TV is maturing as a brand and pushing into the spiritual leadership platform that we need and it’s led by a woman. I have gained so, so much from watching Marie T.V over the years and this interview is one of my favourites. Thank you Marie and thank you Lizzie.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your life with us all these years, Natasha. You and your presence in the world makes a difference and we’re honored to have you in our community. xo

  93. Ines

    Wonderful post. But the part about bullies also being in need of help WOW, just blew my mind. Never before considered that.

  94. Renee

    Thank you so much for this episode Marie! I loved Lizzie’s advice on responding to negative comments with compassion if you choose to respond at all.
    I couldn’t help but think of a Roald Dahl quote when watching Lizzie speak…the one that says if you think beautiful thoughts they will shine out of you like sunbeams. Lizzie you shine and radiate kindness and are beautiful. Thank you 🙂

  95. Christine

    The point that Lizzie makes about being able to see the bully as someone who needs help was one of my biggest takeaways. Including not immediately categorizing anyone as “victim” or “offender”, which is so very crucial in our society, globally, and basically expands to all areas of life, whether this regards a bully in school, someone hurting a friend or their partner or criminals – whatever situation where someone hurt others, it is most often a situation where they are hurt themselves as well, aware of it or not.

    It is not a coincidence that some of the greatest spiritual leaders like the Dalai Lama as well stress the importance of compassion and tolerance, which includes being able to make a distinction between the person and the act, see the person behind the act and try to understand the underlying mechanisms and issues behind this act. From here, we can be able to develop understanding and forgive and let go. I try think this is a perspective that is so fundamental but to a large extend missing in our society, where we are so quick to judge people and categorize “good” and “bad”, which in the end does not help anyone.

    Our purpose on this planet is to believe in and help each other prosper and grow and together realize potential, not to judge, degrade or in any way limit each other or hold on to old misdeeds and mistakes. By caring for others and being tolerant and forgiving, we care for ourselves.

    With love from Denmark

  96. I loved the insight Lizzie shared here on bullies. That there isn’t just a victim, but a bully that’s hurting also, and there are two people who need our help walking away with insight into how to bring more kindness into these situations.

  97. Lisa

    Thank you so much for this episode, Marie. I’m so inspired by Ms. Velasquez – she is truly beautiful, inside and out.

  98. Jessica Belgrave

    This video was amazing. In this world, we always tend to judge those who are different from us physically, spiritually and emotionally. But judgement truly comes from those who are hurting and use judgement as a way to hurt others. We are all put on this earth to learn from each other in one way or another. I haven’t heard much about Lizzie or her story until yesterday. Yesterday someone found the ugliest woman meme and emailed it to a few of us as a way to make fun of someone else we work with. I immediately just thought it was extremely offensive. When I go to work today, I am going to send them this link to truly hear Lizzie’s story and how inspirational she truly is.

    After seeing this interview, Lizzie is truly someone that I truly respect and admire. It takes a really strong human being to be able to rise up above all of the negativity. I am actually in the planning stages of preparing my own YouTube channel and I would love to have Lizzie on as a guest. You are exactly who you are meant to be and are living the life you were meant to live. Your story will truly impact the lives of others.

  99. So beautiful Lorri, you said exactly what I wanted to say but couldn’t find the words through the tears. Much love to you, much love to Marie from bringing us Lizzie and to Lizzie for being such a shining light in the world. Big hugs from England xoxoxo

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Fiona. Keep shining your light in England. xo

  100. This was such a great interview! I work with elementary school aged kids and it’s so easy to think the bully is always the bad guy, but I’ve learned that when you show respect to both parties involved, and dig deeper, you can almost always find the root of the problem. Bullies need just as much, if not more, attention than the victims because their hurt comes from a different place. So great to hear this and all of the other great points made in the video!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for adding your perspective, Jackie. Working where you work you have such a unique and first-hand experience with this subject and these types of interactions. It’s amazing to see that your experience mirrors what Lizzie talks about in this video. Now we all know more, thanks to both of you. xo

  101. Dana

    Lizzie and I attended the same university. I never met her but I remember seeing her around campus all the time and have followed her journey online. Truly inspiring! “There’s a bully and a victim. It doesn’t mean that one person is innocent and one is not. It means there are 2 people who both need help in different ways.” Such an important insight. I deeply appreciate her wisdom, vulnerability, and lightness of spirit.

  102. Amazing. AMAZING. Thank you, Marie and Lizzie. So many takeaways. One that pops first to mind: that in bullying there are two people who need help in different ways. When people are hurting, they can hurt others. Kindness includes all helping all parties. Thank you!

  103. Mona Leonard

    Thank you Marie and Lizzie for a heart-warming and inspirational interview. Like many others, my biggest take-away is the insight about bullies. The fact that they are in pain and are hurting emotionally, spiritually and socially, sheds an entirely different light on bullies and how the world perceives them. Hurt people really do hurt people. Thank you for the wisdom.

  104. Once again, Marie, this was an excellent episode! Lizzie is such an inspiration and the world is definitely a better place because people like you and her exist. I especially liked the part about working together to build a better version of the world. It’s also part of my mission with E.I. Jane. I think it’s what will solve a lot of the problems we face today. There’s no doubt about it: we are stronger together. The quicker we realize that, the quicker we can bring about positive change to the world.
    Thank you, Marie and Lizzie, for the work that you do and for being a catalyst for positive change!
    With Love and appreciation,
    Jane.

  105. Lori

    The comment about hurt. It was like a light bulb moment. It helped me see things and people in my own life differently and myself. I so loved this whole episode. What an amazing person she is!!! Xxx

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Lori, you are not alone. That has been the over-arching sentiment of people who have commented here and written into our Team. What as gift for everyone to have a shift in perspective all thanks to the bravery of Lizzie. Thank you for being a beautiful part of our community.

  106. Lizzie, you’re so wise, so strong and a great communicator. I’m twice your age but you taught me (in this interview) to show up and speak up and stand up for myself. I allready did this for others but could use some strength for myself 😉 Thank you. Wishing you all the best. < 3

  107. Lee

    Lizzie is without doubt a kind and remarkable soul. Even when she spoke up about inner bad thoughts in response to negative posts she was gentle. I would have been Stormin’Norman with a pile of expletives…not always typed! After taking a breath I do a version of Lizzies suggestion. I remember anyone who deliberately harms me must be highly damaged and therefore unreliable witness. There is no need for me to accept what they say. Lizzie’s suggestion of acknowledging their hurt to diffuse pain is another level I can only try. Thanks for the episode Marie Ive learned something new again. Bravo to both of you.

  108. “There is a bully and there is a victim, …there are two people that need our help in different ways.” This is so beautiful and so true, and I think that at different times people are being bully’s without even realizing it. If we stop and address each in kindness, with love/truth from our hearts with compassion, it changes the way we all see each other. What an Amazing person, What and Amazing world if we all did that. Love and Light Christine and The Animals. And Thank you Marie

  109. Chrissy Kenny

    This was unbelievably inspirational. I loved her quote that the power of one person can move mountains. Thank you thank you thank you. Love and gratitude

  110. Sara

    Lizzie’s quote about the consequences of not being vulnerable really struck a chord with me… I’m currently getting out of a marriage where I was consistently bullied by my spouse, and it’s been a brutal process… when I saw that quote, it was like all of a sudden I could understand what had been happening for years, because that ‘not being vulnerable’ part is exactly what he struggled with – and it led to all the consequences mentioned in the quote. When he needed help, he not only couldn’t admit it, but chose instead to lash out against everyone who wanted to help him. The end result was his isolation, having a break-down, and becoming more and more hurtful and abusive towards others – me in particular. Seeing that quote let me have sympathy for him and see things in a new way. Even as I move forward in my life, it gives me insight into what his pain is/has been. Having this insight will help me hold on to kindness even during this horrible time.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Sara. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through such a tough time. Your bravery in sharing your story is a beautiful testament to using your tough times to help others through what could be theirs. Keep holding onto kindness, Sara. Sending you loads of love. xo

  111. Loved it! <<<333

  112. Marloes van Meel

    I loved this interview with the amazing Lizzie! What a powerful inspiring woman she is with such important and true messages for all of us. The thing that strikes me most is how strong our vulnerability is. We think we are weak showing it, but being open en showing your whole self including the most vulnerable parts unleashes such power and a kind and compassionate force. We all need to stop pretending we cannot be vulnerable around each other. We are all full of fears and insecure, afraid we aren’t good enough, wanting to be liked; why don’t we all admit to that and show it to each other. I truly believe the world will become a more compassionate and happier place if we all show our true, vulnerable, selves more.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      We really agree with you, Marloes. Showing our vulnerabilities allows other to connect to our most authentic and treasured selves. That’s what true connection is all about. Changing the world happens one person, one experience, one heart at a time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with everyone.

  113. I love that Lizzie said she gets more positive feedback and engagement when she posts a video that’s unscripted, she had no makeup on and was spontaneous. People are attracted to authenticity and to others they believe are real and honest. We connect when we’re vulnerable, and I think that’s why she gets the response she does when she’s transparent. She’s a remarkable woman with an extraordinarily positive worldview. Thank you for introducing her to us!

  114. Barbara Spikes

    I loved the statement about the bully also being in need of help. Just today I thought how the people who bullied the girl in Australia into killing herself should be put in someplace awful. And I can now say that they are probably so hurting themselves that they couldn’t allow someone else to be happy, which is their own terrible place. I will look at those situations differently. And I will do my best to be as brave as Lizzie and her parents, and not demean, but say something kind. thank you so much for sharing.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      What a beautiful takeaway, Barbara! Lizzie’s message reminds us that there are always two sides to any story and bullying is often a symptom of a much deeper issue. We hope this inspiring interview will continue to spark some new ideas and powerful conversations for you. Thanks for being a part of our bighearted community!

  115. Patricia Albornoz

    Hi Marie Forleo and team. I come to this space for inspiration, tools to access personal growth, and examples of other humans doing their best to have a positive impact while being humble enough to share their journey in the interview.
    This moment is different. Lizzie reached right into my heart.
    Lizzie has given me a gift of words I am going to share with my own children from this day forward, “You get to decide how you want to define yourself to the world.” Are you going to live brave by loving yourself and others? Thank you, Marie and team, for this interview. Thank you, Lizzie, for giving words born of love and truth. Both of you are adding the light only love produces. Shine on, please!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      This is so powerful, Patricia! We’re glad Lizzie’s story resonated so deeply with you and inspired you to share this important message with your children. It sounds like you’re already setting a beautiful example for them to look up to and we’re grateful that they’re a part of the next generation of compassionate and considerate individuals. Thanks for sharing!

  116. Thank you, ladies, for this beautiful episode. I am amazed how compassionate and understanding Lizzy is. Wow! I wish I were like her so I could feel better in my own skin.

    I am pleased that she was blessed with supportive family and friends. In my case, I was bullied for a long time from my then “best friend” and even now I can’t wrap my head around why and what were her needs at that time that she had to constantly put me down. I’m in still a forgiving process and yes, this video really helped to get me some clarity.

    Thank you from my heart and many blessing

  117. Wonderful and insightful interview!! I really needed to hear the “grass is always greener “part. I regularly struggle with self doubt, often questioned and blamed my choices in life and end up hurting others or fall into a depression. Hearing such sincere sharing of thoughts reminds me to embrace my choices and be brave again in life. Thank you guys for the video!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad this message resonated with you at the perfect moment, Linda! You’re absolutely right. In order to love others well, we have to first show compassion towards ourselves and in turn, forgiving ourselves allows others the freedom to do the same. Thanks for being a part of our world!

  118. Gaurav

    Marie this was great! …and yes this is a life saving content 🙂

  119. Ha

    Today as I was driving home from work I heard on the radio that a young girl called Dolly Everett had taken her life. I asked the universe, so how do we address this pandemic on social media? It truly felt that this Youtube answered it. That in a bullying situation there are actually two people who need help of different kinds. Thank you for your compassion Lizzie. I really heart that courage and the stance to see if from both perspectives. Would people who see this trying to find more answers also look into the Rethink technology by 15yo Trisha Prabhu and Trisha Meier’s Ted talk, “What Kids Have To Say About Bullying And How To End It,” who lost her daughter Megan Meier due to cyberbullying.

  120. Judy

    I was inspired by Lizzie sharing about her own depression, and also about putting her real self – not her polished and rehearsed self – out there in her videos. I felt like her main message was “keep on trying” which is really doable, and not exhorting me or others to do things we can’t, or to never fail. I’m so grateful to you both for doing this interview! Just what I needed right now.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks for sharing this great takeaway, Judy! As Marie often reminds us, it’s always about “progress, not perfection”, and the same is true for our relationships. By starting in our own communities, compassion, forgiveness, and love can have incredible ripple effects around the world– we’re so grateful to have you in ours!

  121. Alexis Buhrman

    Thank you so much for making this video. There is compassion in the world. I wish Lizzie all the happiness in life.

  122. Karina

    I just cried my eyes out in this talk! Seriously. I got the chance to watch Lizzie’s TEd some years ago and I just liked her right away. She’s such a beautiful soul and the part where she says that the bully also needs help is just amazing. I also make videos online and it completely changed the way I see a hater nowadays.
    Marie and Lizzie: Thank you a thousand times for this!!!!!!

  123. KG

    Wow, what extraordinary story!! Thanks so much, Lizzie, for sharing your love and courage.

  124. Yes, thank you Lizzie and Marie. Enjoyed a palpable oceanic kindness, love the idea of addressing both bully and victim, and appreciated the open discussion of suicidal ideation. These little light bulb moments affirm to me a yes, maybe we will learn to bravely love one another. One healing story at a time💛🌟💛🌟

  125. Rose

    Lizzie! You are a difference maker! I love your authenticity and KINDness is everything. It’s good humans like you that are making great things happen in this crazy world! Thank you and thank you Marie. This was the best interview yet!

  126. Being aware of all the pain that a bully is carrying is so powerful! What a wonderful inspiration!

  127. Karin

    Thanks for the depth, straightforwardness and love in this conversation. One thing that particularly grasped me was the way Lizzie and her parents dealt with and transcended the bullying and exclusion. It is tough, for kids and parents alike. My daughter, now 13, was bullied from age 6 until roundabout 11-12. Throughout, we have talked about the bullies being broken and that she’s not the broken one. That she is ok the way she is, and that “normal” is nothing to strive for. We have also acknowledged the fact that she doesn’t have friends YET and that it might take some time for her to find her tribe, but that her People are out there. She just needs to be the best Linn that she can be – this is her most important job in the world! As some time has passed since the hell years, she is coming back! She has a super force to see who is left out or in the outskirts, and actively supports and includes them; some time ago even one of her old tormenters. I think then that this amazing kid, my gal, will definitely make the world a better place just by being herself. She is a dancer, a creator, a force of nature that aims to be an architect and I have no doubts that she will do, it in her own quirky way.

  128. Evelien

    Wow, just wow. It is such a good reminder that in any situation, whether it is bullying, or a fight between yourself and someone else, we need to be mindful of the pain of that other person. Whenever I get really hurt, I have a hard time to feel compassion. I close myself of, and I can hold a grudge for decades, or indeed, I can be very very mean… ‘Compassion’ should be a course from primary school up to university, giving you the tools and the skills to feel it, work with it, and ultimately to make this world a bit better. Lizzie, thank you for being so open en vulnerable, all your words are food for thought and conversations, and your attitude in life is truly an inspiration. But also I want to thank your parents, who apparently stood by you in every situation, and who raised you with the courage and strength to be yourself, become this inspirational figure, and to live your life how you want to live it. I think through your interview their parenting skills are álso an example for anyone who’s raising children. You have their love and kindness in your DNA, and through internet and the book your spreading it further throughout the world. Thank you!!!

  129. Edz

    Hi Marie. I have been a regular listener of your podcast for months now but this is actually one of the few episodes that I watched. I was so moved by Lizzie’s story and wisdom and the way you talked to her is so heartfelt that I can actually see it in your eyes. Last year, I struggled with comparison. I was constantly comparing my life to my coworker and friend which eventually only made me feel ashamed of myself. By comparing myself to others, I hurt myself then I hurt other people. It’s true that sometimes we just assume that others have a perfect life. But I found out that if you just let go of comparison firsthand and try talking to people about their experiences, you’ll realize that they are the same as you on some level. They have good times but they definitely also have bad moments in their own lives. This year I am so inspired to do everything with love because I don’t want to feel like crap anymore. Everyday I pray for my faith goals and one of those is to create a blog or vlog so thank you for sharing a little in this video of how small you started.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for watching! What you shared is so spot on. Few good things come from comparison and often it’s just a painful exercise. And so many times the image presented to us by others, like on social media, is the highlight reel, not the everyday nitty gritty real life stuff. So when we compare our average day to other people’s highlight reels, it can be hurtful to think about. It’s great that you’re recognizing that comparison makes you feel crappy because recognizing that is the first step to breaking the comparison habit. <3

  130. Ginny

    Loved this really moved me and now headed to find Lizzie on Ted Talks! Thank You Marie and Lizzie for sharing your hearts with the world!

  131. Thank you, Lizzie, for showing up, thank you for being you, and thank you for sharing your story. It’s a gift from which I drew the strength and courage to be authentic, to love and accept myself, and to take my power back from people who are unaware of just how amazing I really am. And God bless them because if they knew how amazing they were, they would instantly recognize it in me too.

    Thanks for the reminder to stop putting my candle under the bed where it’s of little use and liable to cause a disaster. My light is meant to brighten someone’s day and give hope and courage to others. I hope everyone who watches this interview makes the choice to embrace their inner light and allow it touch others in a meaningful way.

  132. Amy Braun

    This post hits home for me. I am an American living in Japan. I have been following my dream of studying to work in the Japanese entertainment industry (like behind the scenes like PR and Marketing). However, there is a classmate who is Japanese but lived in Singapore who I think bullies me often by point blank saying that “I can’t speak Japanese” and “That I don’t understand Japanese customs because I am American” (but I been here for 5 1/2 years already and work for Japanese companies, mostly teaching English). I study so hard (I am fluent in Japanese) and I am a rarity in a sense that I am have challenged myself by attending a class that isn’t in my native language, writing papers, talk, and etc and setting a goal for working in a place I love and something I am passionate about.

    Lizzie’s comments in the video resonate to how I feel about myself and the people around me.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Your dreams are more important than anyone’s desire to cut you down. We’re so proud of you for going for your dreams, not being afraid to do the work, and doing what you love!

  133. I been a huge fan of both of you for years. This is by far my favorite post I have read in a long time. Including my own posts
    I encourage more people to share about their experiences and maybe just maybe we can all learn to encourage, include and support each other.

  134. Daniel Pereira

    Wowwwooo Lizzie I take my hat to you determination to stand up, look up proud for what you are regardless the comments anyone can trough at you. Always remember ( Beauty is inside not on the outside ) I know that in this world the people have the tendency if one is not equal of the general standard of looks, it means you are no good. Well Lizzie let me tell you, after watching this video and seeing you and your explanation, I think you are Beautiful, because I look at you from the inside and your presence attitude and the explanation I feel the passion in you have for life.
    Because the outside people is not calling perfect, so what who cares. And a lot of them they are totally mentally deformed, and people they not point out. And usually are those that have the mental problem that throw nasty comments to anyone that has some physical defect no mattel how big or small.
    The beauty of anyone is your attitude towards the others and your inner self pride of being helpful to anyone less than you.
    Never stop being you, and being great to carry on helping those less fortunate than you.
    Love for what you are.

  135. Romana

    Hi Lizzie, you inspired me! Thank you so much! xxx Romana from The Netherlands (Europe ;-))

  136. Joseph

    Hi Marie & Lizzie,
    This interview made me realize that how I am being a bully to some people,thru the mean & sarcastic joke I throw at them, I should practice speaking kind words, it also made me realize the impact of kindness affects on people.

    Long live & Prosper
    Joseph

  137. Sheila

    I believe that the more people you open up to and get to know, you challenge internal stereotypes, judgements, fear of what is different, comforts that you hold on to.

    I have noticed that happy people, or people who are comfortable with their own vulnerability, are able to open up to others easier. They don’t hide behind a created ideal, they don’t follow trends etc. They live knowing that they are vulnerable, they have weaknesses. When you become comfortable with yourself in that way, you allow yourself to be open to others. You stay humble, there is no competition, no comparisons. You no longer are trying to BE someone, you are finally yourself and you are okay with that. That is freedom.

  138. Sheila

    If you want to add some more diversity, I recommend Harnaam Kaur. How she deals with bullies and loving yourself fully.

  139. Andrea

    This is one of my favourite interviews ever, so extremely touching! Undoubtedly, the single most important and life-changing takeaways for me is seeing the bullies as humans as well, who are not necessarily mean/cruel by nature, but also people who are hurting and do not know how to express it or seek help, so they end-up hurting other people instead.

    This is particularly dear to me as a lesson, because I have a tendency to judge people for their wrong-doings easily, which is something I’m really trying to control, because 1. I have no right to judge anyone and 2. We have no idea of each person’s own realities and conditions. So this is applicable to so many other situations as well.

    Anyways, thanks a lot for the lovely, heart-touching interview.

  140. Gina

    So many nuggets of wisdom! Next time someone is unpleasant to me, will take Lizzie’s advice and attempt not to spit back (hypothetically speaking) bitter words but instead be firm and answer the person with civility. Difficult but I think my issue is not to take everything personally (even if it is meant that way). More for my benefit than theirs.

    • Hailey– Team Forleo

      Such a beautiful takeaway, Gina! As Marie has shared, sensitivity can be a powerful part of our personalities (https://www.marieforleo.com/2015/06/toughen-up/) but you’re so right that it can lead to insecurity and self doubt if we don’t harness it. We’re so glad you enjoyed Lizzie’s story and we hope her message will be helpful for you the next time you’re confronted with a critical comment. Thanks for being a part of our compassionate community!

  141. This is so inspirational! I will remember this talk every time I feel down.

  142. Sheng Vue

    What stood out to me was “You get to decide how you define yourself to the world.” I am 30 years old and still struggling with what it means to be more “assertive,” “aggressive”, “confident”, and “out-spoken.” I recently applied for a lead position and wasn’t offered the job because I was told I didn’t have these qualities. I’ve been told this so much that I am starting to believe it is true and who I am. How do I transcend through this pain? How can I bounce back to the energy of Love? How do I continue to see myself as Love, Joy, Creative, Kind, and Courageous when we live in a masculine society that values these qualities as weaknesses?

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Hi Sheng, we’re sorry to hear that you weren’t offered the job you applied for recently, and know how difficult it must be to be told you don’t have these particular qualities they were looking for. I want to reassure you that the way you see yourself and the qualities you most want to embody – Love, Joy, Creative, Kind, and Courageous – are absolutely beautiful and there is NOTHING wrong with you. These are true strengths, and it’s very possible that the roles you’ve been applying for simply aren’t the right fit for your unique and powerful skill set.

      Be sure to check out this episode of MarieTV on the topic of sensitivity as a strength: https://www.marieforleo.com/2015/06/toughen-up/

      Also, Marie shared some great advice on how to excel in typically male-dominated fields in this episode (skip to 14:50 for her answer): https://www.marieforleo.com/2018/01/marietv-call-in-show-one-marketing-secret/

      Keep on being you and sharing your love with the world, Sheng – we all need it!

  143. What is the things that stood out to me is the idea that there is more than one way to respond to the criticism and negativity of other people, whether in person or on social media. We can create our own negative energy and continue the expansion of that. Or we can respond in a different way. As Lizzy pointed out sometimes the appropriate response is no response and sometimes is the unexpected response of kindness. I think that helping Young people to know their choices at an early age would improve their ability to prevent and respond to bullying. Great program, thank you!

  144. Awesome Information. Keep sharing such interviews.

  145. Seyneb Said

    Wow. Thank you Lizzie , Marie and your awesome team for this.
    I loved so much of it and one that i have struggled with phrasing is exactly the one Lizzie said: ” hurt people hurt people “. Also loved the part about how there are two hurt people in the bully and victim interaction.
    And I am sooooo grateful for the part about responding with compassion to negative comments , I have always had challenges with confrontation ( often have this nasty voice that tells me that i cam weak for not confronting someone ) so I am so happy to know that am not alone in feeling this way and also how to respond in a compassionate way. Sending loads of love and wish you well on your journey forward to all of you

  146. Stephanie Esgro

    Hi Marie & Lizzie! Thank you for this! The part about the consequences of not finding the courage to be vulnerable hit me very hard…especially at this point in my life and even more especially today! I’ve been feeling stuck between starting a writing project to share with the world and just continuing on in my day-to-day career – obviously I know I have to start the writing project but until watching this video, I didn’t realize that not starting it is not only affecting me but those around me. In addition to feeling personal isolation, I have definitely been projecting some really negative shit onto my personal relationship and even my co-workers not realizing how closely tied it is to my personal difficulty with being open and vulnerable and going after what I really want which is to express myself! Kismetly, this interview also gives me some tips on how to handle the guilt of my recent realization. Great going ladies! Thanks for all that you do! Truly inspirational 🙂

  147. Kerri Lee Link

    This video made me realize just how important my dream truly is….
    Thank you Lizzie for your courage and love!!!
    KL

  148. Jazmin

    Every time I watch Lizzie, my heart feel with joy ! She is so awesome ..and the one take away is to approach everything with kindness. I am Latina and when I see something that is not right or unfair I am sure to speak up ! Thank you Lizzie and Marie what an interview ! ….btw if you or anyone has the opportunity to watch her live event …do it ! Beside being freaking inspirational she is soooo funny ! ….

  149. Thank you soo, soo much for doing this, Marie and Lizzie! Everything which has been said is so challenging. These ideas have the potential to really change our world (either personal or global). I think it is always worth to be kind to others because as it´s been said – we never know what is happening in the mind and life of another person who´s attacking us. Sometimes the kindness is the only sure way how to stop it.
    It is just a shame that your awesome ideas are available only in English. I am from Czech Republic and I´d love to share them with my family and friends, but most of them wouldn´t be able to understand 🙁

  150. Wow Lizzie is an amazing example on how to deal with being different. Other people would be subject to mobbing and probably not be strong enough to stand for their position.
    To everybody who is being bullied or excluded from groups Lizzie just shows too well how you nevertheless can live your life and enjoy happiness. Thanks for this great interview.

  151. valery

    I love her I just love her, world needs more people like her, and believe me I live in Mexico and we reeeallly need more aware, loving and kind people like her.The entire world can changue if only we all do our personal changhe, she is completely right, I think. Thank you Marie for this amazing video….

  152. Such a touching conversation. Thank you Lizzie for this higher level of being — to consider the bully and the victim who both need help. Much love to you

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      We love that this video and Lizzie’s perspective touched you so deeply here Kim. We hope you take this beauty with you out into the world as well <3

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