Marie Forleo introduction


I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Have you ever gotten a little “judgy” because someone was walking or driving too slow in front of you? Or criticized your partner for not doing something exactly the right way? Or maybe you judge yourself for making an embarrassing mistake or not measuring up to your own standards.

Judgment is as natural as breathing, with our (often harsh) opinions popping up instantaneously. Once you start paying closer attention, you’ll notice “judgment triggers” everywhere.

Today’s guest believes that these constant judgments, of ourselves and others, are more toxic than we realize. She says they hold us back from a more connected, loving and fulfilled life.

You might think that a spiritual teacher like Gabby Bernstein would be the last person to judge people, but as she’s about to tell you — she catches herself doing it all the time.

Which is exactly why she chose to write a book on the subject. To hold herself to a higher standard and share tools that we can use to break this addictive emotional pattern. If you ever get caught in this cycle of judging, whether it’s yourself or others, this episode is for you.

Watch now and learn:

  • What your judgments are really trying to tell you.
  • The crucial role that forgiveness plays in the Judgment Detox, plus an astonishing story of one mother’s ability to forgive her son’s killer after the massacre at Sandy Hook.
  • How your seemingly insignificant judgments can block your connection to a higher power.
  • Why you shouldn’t try to eliminate every critical thought — and what to do instead.
  • And so much more.

I’ve known Gabby for years. While all of her books are wonderful, Judgment Detox is truly special. In times of divisiveness, being able to look at ourselves and each other with more compassion and understanding is an invaluable gift.

*Plus, if you’re about to travel or see family for the holidays — this episode can really help you stay more calm, open, loving and connected!*

View Transcript

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

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DIVE DEEPER: What about facing judgment from others? Follow these six action steps to get over your fear of being judged and get on with doing what you love.

Now Gabby and I would love to hear from you. Out of everything we talked about today…

What’s the single biggest insight that you’re taking away and, most importantly, how can you put it into action right now?

Leave a comment below and let us know.

One last thing…

You might be tempted to judge yourself as you examine your judgments (helloooo, judgment inception). Be kind to you and remember that we all have much more in common than we realize. Our shared humanity, our flaws, our sensitivities and our desire to be seen, heard and appreciated unites us all.

Thank you for bringing your voice and heart to this community! Your strength, insight and leadership is exactly what the world needs right now.

With enormous love,


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  1. Thanks, Marie and Gabrielle! I loved this. As a Christian, we’re always told not to judge or gossip, but it’s often because we just know it’s wrong. I love how this really explains what’s going on in us (a call for love and a lack of oneness). I also love that you say forgiveness is an every day practice! It’s so true. It’s can be so frustrating for me when I have to wake up and forgive AGAIN, but I think that’s just another day to hand it over to God and it doesn’t negate the healing from the past. Oh, and I LOOOOVVEEE your top, Gabrielle!!!! 🙂

  2. Yet another inspiring interview Marie!! I have Gabby’s “The Universe Has Your Back” on hold at the library (there’s a HUGE waiting list), but now I think I’ll just go buy it (along with all her other books)!

    • so so awesome that there’s a wait list at the library. email your address to [email protected] and I’ll send you a copy of The Universe Has Your Back. xoxo

    • Joey

      There’s a huge wait at my library too, Jodi! Clearing this is what a lot of people are looking for Gabby.
      I’ve been trying to find a way to forgive a lot more recently, as I about to hit 30 and realize that fear has truly run my life for years. Only a 20 minute video, but probably one of the more powerful and necessary ones to date, Marie.
      Thank you for writing this book, Gabby. It’s a necessary lesson in these fearful times.
      Much love to you both, always!

  3. I am a huge fan of both you and Gabrielle so when you are together, I’m so happy!

    It really resonated with me when Gabrielle said what triggers us is our deep rooted wounds from childhood that we carry with us; that we walk around triggered all day without even knowing it and just assuming that’s who we are (ie upset, a pita!). She says she is not a victim of the world she sees, she choses not to be a victim. I’ve really been struggling with that lately as a string of unfortunate things happened over the last 6 months that has left me kind of shell shocked and feeling like a victim! I hate feeling like that. When Gabrielle talks about choosing not to be a victim, I needed to know how! She says she has a whole step on how to heal these wounds. Just making sure that is in the book? I did pre-order the book a few months ago and am so excited to read it. The Universe has Your Back, changed me. And I am a student of A Course in Miracles. I’m just so relieved that after reading all about judgement, forgiveness etc in many spiritual teachings that I don’t have to be perfect and can stop judging myself for having judgement and unkind feelings toward the world. Because if you both feel that, anyone can! I need a whole book on the step to heal old wounds only! 🙂 I know I have them, I just find it hard to uncover what they are and how and when they originated. Love you both and thanks so much for inspiring me to transform my life. I’m working on my own online business to pay it forward. I’ve been watching your videos for years, Marie but this is my first comment as this interview spoke to me on a very deep level. Hilary xo

    • Hi sister! there’s a entire chapter on healing the wounds. In that chapter I use EFT (emotional freedom technique) to help you heal. You don’t have to be the victim of your triggers. There is a solution:) xoxo

  4. Tracey

    You two ladies are so awesome! Thank you for bringing peace and light to this world!!!

  5. Jan kelly

    Recognition and awareness are very important in order to be that better person!!!

  6. Mia

    Lovely to hear someone else’s view of judgements! Will buy the book as soon as it reaches Europe 🙂
    Started looking at this some 5 years ago and was stunned over the amount of judgements around me… I judge myself, I judge others and I get judged!! My tool is to neutralize it by saying “Interesting point of view I have that point of view “
    Still judge a bit and – I’m aware about it ☺️

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really interesting pivot, Mia! Thanks for sharing this great tip with us. 🙂

  7. Thank you for the coaching video … “Judgement Detox” …. I will look for the book to further expand my search for that peace. As always, your coaching Marie has been my compass, always bringing me back to clarity and a path forward. Simple “pathfinder logic” … Where am I, Where am I going, How am I going to get there? Thank you Marie for never giving up on us … often with very little to give but not for your encouragement and faith that we find the courage to always push through to another grateful day. God Bless you and your family and your amazing staff. Always with kindness …. Michael

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Michael! We’re so glad this week’s episode and Gabby’s wisdom spoke to you. We’re proud of you for continuing your search for peace and making your environment a more welcoming and peaceful place.

  8. Julie

    Beautiful! Thank you Marie, Gabby & Team Forleo for this incredible message.
    As for me, some time ago I realized the importance of not judging because every time we do, we judge ourselves.

    I’m already tired of judging me. So, when I do, I like to say “I allow myself to be imperfect”. This way I allow others to be themselves, those imperfect + extraordinary people they are.

    My favorite tool is to be able to choose peace, kindness and the blessing hidden in every moment of chaos, like yesterday when my 8 year old daughter began to cry saying that everything goes wrong for her all the time. By choosing to keep peace I can teach her to keep calm & thinking positive.

    It is not a magic solution as you said, is a process. Step by step.

    Happy Holidays

    • you nailed it!! when you maintain your peace she will feel it!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s spot on, Julie. I heard a quote once that said something like, “remember that when you’re pointing the finger at someone else, you have three more pointed back at you.” It really is true that when we judge others, we’re judging ourselves.

    • Thank you Gabby and Marie loved listening to your conversation. I’m holding onto the thought – if I judge, I can choose again love you both blessings for Christmas & throughout 2018
      Mary Llewellyn

  9. Wonderful and enlightening, thank you!

  10. Major confession…I opened this email to unsubscribe. Not because I don’t love you, but because Christmas marketing has me completely overwhelmed with emails and I hardly ever have time to read ANY. But…the topic was SO timely, it stopped me in my tracks and both my husband and I sat down to watch on the big screen via airplay. I have been STRUGGLING with my expectations of some really critical people in my life and I am so, so thankful for this episode. My husband and I are going to work through it together. Much love to you Marie!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad this message came at just the right time! We’re thrilled you and your husband are working through this together. Being conscious about judgment can truly be a game-changer.

  11. The mantra in Gabby’s step 2 of the forgiveness process, “Choose Again,” really rings my bell. It’s a clarion call I can use in the midst of my judginess to shift the power back to me making a choice.
    I have a few scenarios when judgment is a lion’s roar for me, one with a particular family member, and another in a professional setting. I have really hard time when I am teaching (I teach Barre and Pilates classes) trying to walk the line between offering adjustments to students as they are learning to move in a specific way, and I find it most trying when it’s a student who has attended many of my classes but I just can’t seem to help them find their aha! connection of how to fire a specific muscle, or it looks like there’s a block to them moving ever so slightly outside of what they believe about their body and learning to trust that they can do it. That’s when I get frustrated; that’s when I find the little critic gets out his trusty tablet and starts writing on the opinion page of my brain. Any words of wisdom on how to withhold judgment when the work we do requires some level of critique or, at least, assessment?
    Thanks for all the lovely MarieTV fuel you feed out into the world.
    Laura C.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good question, Laura! If you want to write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom, we’ll be happy to help you submit this question for consideration for a future Q&A Tuesday episode.

    • christine

      Laura, when I find myself in this situation I try to remember to ask myself, “How can I love and respect this person, just as they are?” Then I smile, usually with myself.

    • Hi Laura,
      I worked with a personal trainer last year who practiced Neural Reset Therapy (aka Neuro Reset Technique) which is a method used to unwire the brain’s neural spaghetti and reset the pathways to restore natural motion. I had some good results myself, so maybe you could find somebody in your area you could work with to help your students through their unconscious blocks?
      Have a great 2018!

  12. Marie, I have enjoyed you and your videos for years!!
    You offer gems of wisdom. I feel SOOO emotionally rich everytime I VIEW your interviews.
    Thank you for who you are and what you bring to the word.

    Sending Big Hugs of Appreciation,

  13. Tanya Chuang

    Thank you for the episode. One of the key messages that I learned from the interview is missing out on having connections when you’re judging. It’s such a powerful point, and you’re spot on! Thank you for bringing the awareness to us. I’m excited to read the book and apply the knowledge.

  14. Ashley

    I really liked this video! One question I have is a lot of female friendships (or some of mine anyway) seemed to be seeped in practicing judgement, whether gossiping about other friends or public figures and strangers, etc.–you touched upon this reality a bit in your interview.
    Stepping back from judgement (especially of other women) is something I am conscious of and have tried to practice for some time now but I struggle when it comes to longtime friends who aren’t quite on the same page with that. How do you practice stepping away from judgement in a way that doesn’t require you to give up certain friendships? I would love to hear any practical suggestions anyone has to steer conversations with friends away from judging others.

    • Jana

      Hi Ashley, in my experience it always feels isolating to be the only one not participating, whether it be gossip or politics or parenting or whether or not to recycle or whatever! From therapy I’ve had to learn a lot about boundary setting, how to honor my needs first even though others might not understand when I’m doing it. I find that my true friends are the ones who can respect my boundaries when I reset them (imagine you have a yard with a gate and you decide who goes in and out, some people get come in and others you talk to over the fence). A practical way to set a boundary in the moment is to acknowledge what I’m feeling (ie “I don’t like this conversation), send them loving kindness (May you be filled with loving kindness, may you be well, may you be filled with ease, may you be safe and protected, may you be happy) then decide to change the topic or decide it’s time to leave. It’s like Gabrielle said, you’re not a victim of the universe. The struggle is real though and you are seen!

      • Ashley

        Thanks Jana!

  15. Great information and interview..
    Love the timely topic..
    Thanks for sharing your wonderful thoughts and wisdom!

  16. Great message! Judgement and Forgiveness. One is so easy and the other so hard. Great things to work on for the evolved humans we are all working to be! Also, I LOVE your outfits ladies! Rocking the velvet! Gorgeous dress on Marie and stunning blouse on Gabby. You guys are beautiful inside and out. Keep doing what you are doing!
    Merry Everything! xoxo LL

  17. My goodness, this was a good interview. Another book I need to order!

    I love what Gaby said, ” you’ve got to witness your judgement without judgement” and to be able to “pivot away” from choices that I make that involve judgement. Choose to meditate, silence, EFT, prayer. Once I know better I have to do better and that’s what my life is all about.

    Everyday I learn more about myself and what I do that doesn’t lift me or anyone else up.

    I want to make a different choice and with these reminders I am able to be more conscious in my own life.

    Thank you Marie and Gaby for the insight. We can all use some good lovin’ thoughts right now and I certainly feel better after this 20 minutes with you both.

    Happy holiday wishes from Sweden!
    Åsa Nilsson

  18. Great interview! I like that Gabby said that we will naturally have judgments. There’s a part of me that thinks, “Well, if there was no judgment, then what would spark the desire to create change in the world about something we think is wrong?”

    However, I took a lot away from that hangover feeling she described and how it leaves us disconnected and cuts off our manifesting power. Just last night I went to see the Lindsey Stirling concert with my husband as a Christmas gift, and an adorable married couple who were incredibly talented were her opening band. I immediately found myself judging them, comparing my relationship (and it’s perceived weaknesses) to what I assumed were their perceived strengths. Rather than just enjoy their music, I was so caught up in my judgment that it cut me off from the beauty of the world around me.

    Thank you Marie and Gabby!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good point, Alexis! We make judgments about people we do know as well as people we think we know. The former is damaging because it harms our relationships directly and the latter is damaging because it creates unrealistic expectations when we compare reality to what we imagine someone else’s life to be, which can also harm our relationships. Thank you for bringing this up!

  19. Christina

    YEEEESSSSS MAMA!!!! MARIE & GABBY! What an amazing combo and wonderful episode! I have “The Universe Has Your Back” (among several others from Marie’s interviews) front row center in my living room bookshelf. And let me tell you the conversations that come out of my book collection when company comes over!
    We ALL judge! It’s our inate primal reaction to safety! But somehow along the way it became “cool” to bully through judgement. Which it’s not cool to judge- we’re all struggling in some capacity. Have compassion, humanity, patience.
    I’m a recovering judge-er and I’m proud to say that by LETTING GO, I’m able to free up that brain real estate for future goals and changing up my priority list. I’m at the top, my new husband is beside me & our puppers has a front row seat too. As a registered massage therapist (in Canada), I literally am elbow deep in some people’s problems, conveniently tucked away in their shoulders or hips or neck. Some people are quite grateful, while others are quite bitter, angry and they don’t get any benefit from their treatments.
    I used to take them on, to “fix” how they think etc. But that’s not my job. As Gabby said they aren’t ready, they aren’t there yet. SILENCE changes everything about a conversation and let me tell you how impactful it is!
    My favourite point is that forgiveness doesn’t mean it makes what happened ok. It means you’re no longer willing to carry around the pain that situation has caused. I’ve phoned someone who hurt me quite terribly and forgiven them. I also said I don’t want to further this convo in person, I just want to live putting this behind us. And they agreed! We don’t take when we see each other but we do have peace. And that’s my biggest take away. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all that you do Marie!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so wise, Christina. I imagine some people listening to this episode felt resistant at the idea of forgiving someone who hurt them, but you’re right. Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay or even having that person back in your life again––it just means letting the anger go so you can live more peacefully.

    • Jana

      Yes Christina!

  20. Sandy Rocourt

    Dear Marie and Team Forleo;
    Thank you for a beautiful episode the topic falls right into the holiday season with judgments about my gift is better than your bs. Love the message about we all suffer. We all feel unworthy and abandoned. Choose love over fear. I choose to forgive those who have left me during my darkest hour. Decide to accept love and surround myself with thoughtful and powerful synergy groups. I purchase her book tour event in NYC and looking forward to hearing her live at the arena. Thank you, Marie and Gabby for a powerful message today. Happy Holidays!!

  21. Surabhi

    I love love love the what she said… We all have the same solution to choose again!!!

  22. Thank you again for sharing some valuable content and spreading love&care among us all.

    I loved what Gabby said that when we judge we close the faucet with the Universe … that really resonated with me because it is so true. Judging others isolates us and makes us small and powerless.

    One tiny step I practice… when I judge I ask myself (well not all the time, right:) “Why should that person act the way you want? How do you know this is the best way of acting?” And then I get present and listen to answers which are usually revealing what I need and has very little with that other person. For example that might be feeling of insecurity or lack of safety …

    Thank you, girls, for this interview! I wish us all to be gentle with ourselves first so we can be gentle with others too <3

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love it, Barchi! I do something similar and sometimes ask myself “why do I care what that other person is doing?” when I catch myself judging someone. Almost always I realize that whatever it is they’re doing has no bearing on me, so my opinion (even keeping it to myself) is just unnecessary. It’s cool to hear you do something similar!

      • That is great! High five Mandy 🙂

  23. Deb

    This all makes sense to me. I know that uncomfortable feeling when I’m being negative and judging myself or others, and it’s toxic. I see this in my husband – he judges himself so harshly for every mistake (oh, I’m such an IDIOT! I forgot to take the car for an oil change, etc) while he is totally forgiving of others and allows them to have faults. He’ll get into a funk and just stay there, over something really minor that everyone does. I think it’s directly related to his parents being very demanding and not very affectionate when he was growing up. I want to help him see that that was not his fault, and not to judge himself so much, but I always think I sound too preachy (see, now I’m judging myself!). How do I gently nudge him into forgiving himself for being human and start being more positive? I doubt he would watch this video but I’m going to tell him key insights I had from it. I just hope he will listen. Sometimes being around him drags me down and I feel like it keeps me from being in a positive, hopeful space. I don’t want to let that happen but I dont know what to do about it. I can’t force him to feel optimistic and let things go.

    • I was reading this and thinking, “I want to know how to help my SO with this, too!” (Although mine is harsh on almost everyone, not just himself.) Then I realized that (a) I’m judging him for this behavior, and (b) he’s coming from a place of hurt. Just to understand that this comes from a place of hurt and is a cry for love brought tears to my eyes. I hope to have many future conversations with him about our fears and vulnerabilities, which I can begin by sharing my own. I’m so glad that I watched this.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s definitely a good question, Deb. Sometimes it’s hardest to cut down on judging yourself and allow yourself some mercy. I bet this is something a lot of people are struggling with, so I hope he’ll be inspired to check out this video and feel free to write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom if you want to submit this question for consideration for a future Q&A Tuesday episode.

  24. Mila Boyko

    I am all for “simplifying to magnify” a message and also believe wisdom comes from context and specificity. I would have preferred a deeper discussion of the difference between judgement and discernment. As someone who has spent thousands on workshops, books, sessions with new age gurus, my ability to discern what is practical wisdom and what is marketing hype is a hard fought treasure. I have earned my ability to discern and am proud of it. The message here strikes me as a tad simplistic, even a bit unhelpful. Nobel Peace Prize-winning psychologist/economist Daniel Kahneman’s book, “Thinking Fast and Slow” dives deep into human psychology and the ways we are hard-wired to make decisions (judgements) about what is best for us. Just my opinion!

    • I understand what you’re saying. “Judgement” is a term that can be used to mean different things. I could really see, though, that the book was aimed at a specific type of judgement we make of other people, judgement that doesn’t add any value to our lives. Maybe there’s an alternative term that specifies that sort of thing, but I can’t think what it would be. I guess the word “detox” in the title implies that the subject is this “toxic” type of judgement. Anyone who tried to make a case that “discernment” or “rational decision making” needed to be curtailed would have a hard time selling me anything! 🙂

  25. I’ve been in the struggle of the judging voice for many years and it’s an on going process. Practice makes you good at dispelling it, so practice! I enjoyed all of the reminders to keep going from your video. Also, I had another huge awakening when I found the New York Center for Non Violent Communication and Thom Bonds book, “The Compassion Book”. It helps you make the connection between Judgment and how to understand the unmet need you or others are trying to fulfill by judging. The needs list is really big! If you want to spend time on transformation work, do this, it’s at the base of all of your disconnects period.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Those are such great resources! Thank you for sharing them. We’re big fans of Nonviolent Communication and have every new member of our team read the book.

  26. My big take away-Forgiveness is key – in practicing non judgement. I really enjoyed the insight and connection to ensure that we take care of ourselves as we learn to release judgement. This episode, was well timed- because I’m a super Judgey McJudgerson and the worst when it comes to self judgement and as a Career and Leadership Development Coach, I have to walk to talk. Thank you for this early holiday gift!

  27. Patricia R.

    Perfectly timed beautiful video. I was reading through everyone else’s comments and actually found myself judging. Sh**! I found myself judging even watching the video. It is such a compulsion. An addiction, like Gabby pointed out. So it has certainly brought awareness around my judgements.

    I think the biggest take away from all of this is we all judge and I’m not alone. In my spiritual journey I’ve been feeling like the slow student because I couldn’t live judgement free (or fill in the blank). But hearing you both talk about judgement cuts us off from connection both with others and ourselves, it made me really evaluate my judgements and perfectionism. Perhaps it is my judgements that keep me feeling alone and definitely disconnected from myself.

    Thank you Marie, Gabby and Team Forleo for another amazing interview and words of wisdom! I hope you all have an amazing holiday break!!

    Patricia ❤️

  28. Andrea Garcia Tenorio

    Marie and Gabrielle!!! You both together are amazing! Thank you! The biggest insight I take from this incredible interview is “All attack is a call for love” How to let my guard down and stop thinking that the world is against me, or that the people around me is constantly evaluating me and checking if I am as perfect as I am supposed to be is one thing I have been working on for the last months, very consciously. I find myself judging my husband in things that I obviously need to work on…or I start defending myself when I don´t need to. Love from Colombia! We need more of this here in Colombia!! Thank you both again.

  29. Maria Cibrian

    I love it … definitely something I always do is be judgemental and I need to start practicing sameness… will start today

  30. Thank you Marie and Gabrielle for this. I have been working on stopping my own judgment train. I was chatting with my friend and my hubby about it over the wewkend and had mentioned that I would really like to learn some more ways to workaround this reaction. And bam! You show up in my YouTube feed today.

    Thank you again for the timely release of this.

    Don’t you just live how the Universe works?

    Happy Holidays and Much Love to you both.


    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      The universe really does have our backs! 🙂 We’re thrilled this is something you were already thinking about and that Gabby’s wisdom arrived at the perfect time.

  31. Jana

    I like that the author acknowledges traumas and triggers so she seems to have a grasp of trauma work but she didn’t describe the complexity of trauma. I haven’t read her books, this is the first time I’ve heard of her so if I’m missing part of the story please forgive me. As a person who’s spent the last 3 years working through my own complex trauma I would encourage anyone diving into forgiveness work to understand healthy boundary setting and family and relationship dynamics. Someone in a comment wisely mentioned that forgiveness is not saying someone’s mistreatment of you is okay. I would also like to add that it’s very important to acknowledge and honor your wounds that are causing you to be triggered since those are the issues leading you to practice forgiveness. Acknowledgment of what hurt me has been a crucial step toward even fathoming forgiveness, or what I call unburdening myself. I realize this book is a practice on releasing judgement and not only forgiveness but I thought it would be good to mention that trauma can be more complicated than it may have been presented here. In the spirit of healing be well everyone!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Absolutely, Jana. We definitely encourage everyone to trust their inner wisdom and do what’s best for them in the way that’s best for them. Your wellbeing is always the first priority.

  32. Jackie Stroka

    I did it! Without judgement I spoke from the heart to let the electricians know that I thought it looked odd that the new fixture they were putting in the bathroom wasn’t aligned with the mirror. They immediately twigged, readjusted the wiring which – voila – enabled them to realign the fixture. I was relieved, they were relieved, and now have a great new light above my mirror!

  33. angel

    wow great amazing conversation at the right time for me! thank you both of you wonderful women! I really connect with what you said, I wrote something about the mirrors of judgments just today (I write) ! and something happened while I listened to you, I realised that my suffering is more about creating a defensive position with the judgments of my partner, like a contraction in my heart (hurted by not sharing the same love) and I felt stucked on my position because I had so many reasons to have it. and you brought a relief with forgiveness, making space, by understanding that my partner had a call for love through his judgment. and me too by judging him in return! you bring a dimension beyond that, with clarity and simplicity! thank you!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad this message connected with you at the perfect moment, Angel! We hope this powerful conversation will continue to spark new ideas for you. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful “aha” moment with us!

  34. Hannah

    This video is so beautiful – thank you, thank you Gabby and Marie!

    What really stuck in my head was being willing to acknowledge events of the past and yet still choosing (and choosing over and over) to see through the lens of love. Gave me chills. As far as putting it into practice? For me, I think it means being super mindful and being in the present moment, and allowing my brain and heart to move on from the past.

    I so appreciate you both, and the wonderful information you shared!!

  35. This was the perfect video for me today! Just last week I finished my solo book “Holding Forgiveness Hostage” and receiving the validation I did through your interview with Gabby was life affirming! It has been very difficult for me to find forgiveness after 28 years of silence and the discovery of having suffered from PTSD for so long without a clue that I was suffering so badly. It is my hope and dream to one day (soon) be meeting you both for a discussion on this very subject. Peace, love, and blessings to you both for the brilliant light you each shine into this hurting world!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing a bit of your story with us, Colleen! We’re so sorry to hear that you suffered with PTSD for so long though we hope the process of writing your book was as healing and enlightening for you as we’re sure it will be for others to read. Thank YOU for being a beautiful light in our world and lending your voice to this important conversation.

  36. Vicki Linter

    Loved this topic and interview. I want to get the book but missed the title. Is it available on your website Marie?

  37. Eronica A

    Thank you Marie for this breathtaking show. This is perfect timing and this book is showing up for me just when I need it most. I am dedicated and devoted to starting my own coaching business and I have been judging myself and standing in my own way. Today I will “Choose Again”, and also help others to see how they too can get out of their own way.

    Love you lots Marie and Gabby you are life changing. Ps. See you in Boston!

  38. First of all, I love you.

    Second, my greatest gift to myself was to become a Forgiveness Coach. Not only am I helping others forgive but as I tell my own forgiveness stories in my workshops I am allowing others to choose.
    Thank you both for just being who you are and spreading the word.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We love YOU, Jennifer! It’s clear you have a huge heart for serving others and it’s so wonderful that you’ve found a way to help others along their own journeys toward forgiveness. Thanks for being a part of our amazing community!

  39. Hi Marie and Gabby! I loved what you said at the end about perfectionism and our tendency to judge ourselves once we realize we’ve been judging others. Acceptance is a big practice for me and that was a great reminder to accept myself on my journey. Peace and love to you both!

  40. Joy

    Thanks for this inspiring interview. The strongest reminder was to not try to get rid of judgments, which is another act of perfectionism, but to not believe them any more. The ending comments were also powerful reminders to love myself, to keep choosing love, no matter how many times a day I might judge myself as unworthy.

  41. Camille Gomes

    Oh my god! My mother needs to read this! She´s been so judgemental about everything and so unhappy. I dont know if she´s willing to change, but it would be awesome if she opened up and read this book!

    Thank you Marie and Gabby. Love you both.

  42. celine

    Well, what a perfect “coincidence” that I found this video right here, right now in my world. I know you both Marie and Gabrielle, and please know that I was crying at the end of the video, felling a huge relief of thousands of questions running through my head as I am changing life and taking a big leap of faith.
    Your work and your generous vulnerability is a treasure to our world, it makes it more authentic and more beautiful, and as every time I listen to your inspiration, I feel that the point for me to be here is to activate this light, live as much as I can from my heart, and share my truth in Paris, France ass well.
    Love from Paris, and thank you again for what ou share. I feel blessed to have you in my life.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing your kind words, Celine! We’re so glad this message resonated so deeply with you and gave you a sense of peace as you take the next steps toward your dreams. We’re so grateful to have you in our vibrant, global community!

  43. I woke up to the constant stream of judgments in my head a few years ago. I’ve used a variety of practices to address them–including EFT and mindfulness meditation–and the huge benefit is in taking away the power of those beliefs. I catch the judgment and don’t feel enslaved–“don’t believe them”–and what a difference that makes! It’s an exciting practice that will be necessary ’til the end of life 🙂 but is worthwhile and rewarding.

    EFT gave me the mantra: “I totally and completely love and accept myself” that I use in the face of anything. That belief sustains me and helps me live with kindness and patience to a much greater degree than the judgments of the past allowed! When I’m extending kindness to myself, I can so much more easily extend it to others. We’re all in this beautiful human mess together!

    Thanks for the interview!

  44. There is an amazing book, “The Book of Forgiving” by Desmond and Mpho Tutu filled with stories and a four fold path for healing ourselves and our world. It does not minimize the challenges of forgiveness.

  45. Powerful girls!!! <3 Buying the book!

  46. I judge too. But let’s say you are able to drop the judgement in a particular situation. Bec you do not want to loose lifetime on something that cannot be changed. Funnier things ahead and you would like to manifest better things. How then to handle (for oneself) other people’s judgement about it. To me, it seems as if judging on behalf of somebody else does not take as much energy from the judging person. And it goes around longer then it does for you. You have to keep really cool not to involuntarily contribute to it as well. Any tip?

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Great question, Charlotte! It can be so difficult to not let other’s actions or attitudes affect us, and while we can’t control their behaviors toward us, we always have a choice about how we react to them. The more clarity and confidence we have around our own values and decisions, the less influence other’s opinions can have on us. In a noisy world, meditation and journaling can be amazing tools for gaining perspective and working through our own thoughts and feelings. Marie talks about her own practice here:

  47. Lorrie

    Great episode……….thank you so much. Now I know why my stomach hurts and I have a headache after too much facebook ( holy judgment hangover). What a “Ah Ha” moment. Time to change things up…thank you so much.
    With much love…xoxox

  48. “All attack is a call for love. It’s a wound that needs to be healed.” This is so big.
    Thank you for your work ladies! What a gift you’ve been to me.

  49. Wonderful interview lovelies! This is something I’ve been working on personally in recent times as I’ve been putting my work out in the world and becoming more aware of my own fear of being judged by others – which is also an important point as I think in a way that fear can feed the judgy judge inside of us too. So I’ve been trying to become more aware of how I’m judging others – and it’s really surprised me how much I do it! I even judged Gabby (sorry sweet!) before this interview started!! :-O I think for women it’s particularly bad because so much competition has been conditioned into us too. Anyhow – THANK YOU both and I think I need to get my paws on your book Gabby… hopefully I can find it in New Zealand 🙂 xxx

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing, Alison! As Gabby shares, judgement is often rooted in fear and is something so many creatives struggle with, especially when sharing their work with others– so know you’re not alone. Practicing compassion and non-judgement toward ourselves is a powerful first step toward supporting others and it sounds like you’re already off to an amazing start. We hope you have a blast reading Gabby’s new book once it arrives in NZ! Thanks so much for stopping by.

  50. Two of my favorite ladies!! And oh wow, if I ever needed to hear this, it was today! I can’t wait to get my book in January because I so need it…I think if there were ever a time I judged, it was in 2017. This is probably one of my biggest issues and there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not judging; the news, people’s political views, my family, myself, the guy I just met…it doesn’t matter, I’m always stuck in that state of judgement that I have no business being in. It’s no wonder that I am exhausted and often cranky at the end of the day because regardless of how hopeful and optimistic I start off in the morning, the judgments creep in throughout the day and just don’t stop. I know this book is going to be wonderful. If you’re reading this and weren’t sure if you should order it, DO IT! Gabby is the best (next to Marie, of course ? ? )

  51. Cal

    Thank you for the steps to forgiveness; I realized I have a choice in step 2 and have decided that ‘I choose love’ when changing my thought pattern. Thank you!

  52. This is really beautiful. Girls are particularly judgmental to others and themselves, and it can have detrimental effects-it is incredibly toxic.
    Be forgiving and kind to others and, most importantly, yourself.
    Sam xoxo

  53. aime maricich

    Hi Marie and Gabby!
    Thank you for this much needed topic.
    I definitely think when judgement is gone and we all accept each other than we’ll have paradise.
    I love how Gabby articulates so beautifully how, why, what judgement is.
    My problem is wanting to listen and support someone’s frustration about another person ( so they can get it off their chest and feel better) or even my own frustration or anger at someone’s actions that one knows is wrong and hurtful to another person or organization.
    What’s a good thing to think in that moment to change the frustration or anger? And how does one help another person frustrated or angry at another person?
    I was always taught to be nice, be good, follow the rules and that being angry is bad and wrong. So I’ve suppressed it because I don’t know how to handle negative emotions like anger. I know I don’t handle it in a healthy way. I feel like people who express themselves in all ways don’t get cancer etc…
    I’m not sure if I’m making sense. Just wanted to say thank you. You two are a great together. I love Marie’s questions.
    Love and Light!❤️

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      You made perfect sense, Aime! Thanks so much for lending your voice to this important conversation. It can be so difficult to not let other’s behaviors affect us, and while we can’t control their actions, we always have a choice about how we react to them. Marie shares a few tips for dealing with negative energy and creating healthy boundaries in relationships here:

      Of course, it’s also important for us to process our own emotions in healthy ways. As you may already know, Marie is also a huge advocate for meditation and physical exercise which can be amazing ways to find clarity and release our thoughts and feelings. I’d love to encourage you to find a writing, reflecting, or exercise practice that you enjoy– even just 10 minutes a day can make a huge difference:

      • Aime

        Awesome! Thank you Hailey for the direct link. I love learning new ways to meditate. I appreciate your other suggestions too! Thank you so much!❤️?❤️?

  54. Tonia

    “Throught the lense of love” <3
    "Willing to forgive" <3
    "See the sameness" <3
    "Judging your spiritutal practice" True, Lol

  55. Oh man without a doubt the part that every judgement is a call for love. WOW – that I judge my husband because when he doesn’t listen I feel unloved. I knew this but I never got it. I got it this time. Love you guys… xoxoxoxxo Can’t wait for B-School… YAY!

  56. My takeaway: Don’t judge your judgments. Don’t judge your practice.
    As I listened to Gabby and Marie, my innate perfectionism formed a knot in my stomach. Being reminded not to judge my judgments or my practice released that knot.
    I am looking forward to reading the book.

  57. I Love how you explained it Gabby! I found forgiveness each day towards my siblings who don’t want to know me as their sibling so I used the practice of acceptance turns into joy knowing the universe has my back through it, I focused on forgiving them it brought me back to acceptance knowing I have let go of my past hurt. I feel more joy because of forgiveness and acceptance.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing, Lori! We’re so sorry to hear that you’re struggling in your relationships with your siblings. We can imagine how painful that must feel for you. You’re already practicing love and compassion by extending forgiveness to them from afar, and we’re sending you our very best wishes for continued peace and healing in the process.

  58. Barbara Budan

    Love this session. So important to not only pay attention to when we are judging others, but also to remember that everyone is working on this as best they know how to do so at this present time. I love the idea of the Universe that I call God, Love, is truly what makes us all respond to one another.
    Beautiful. Thank you!

  59. Beth

    Thank you – very meaningful! Thank you for the steps!

  60. Thank you so very much Gabby and Marie. The ability to heal those wounds we carry around with us is so vital to our ongoing life’s journey. Forgiveness is often so very difficult, yet so equally vital. Finding love is often so painful, yet totally necessary. In this session here, you folks have so succinctly touched on all three components. Thank you so much. May your respective lives and the many others that you touch just simply blossom and grow from strength to strength- one person; one community; one nation at a time. And, at this time of goodwill, may you all have a joyous season, in our bid to spread peace amongst all.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Clive! We’re glad this message resonated so deeply with you today. Thanks for being a part of our compassionate community! We’re sending along our warmest wishes for you this holiday season and into the beautiful new year ahead.

  61. Samantha C.

    This was such a great interview. I started watching it unsure of how it would relate to me here/now, but it really did. I try to keep aware of my judgments because I recognize that it overall makes me feel negative. But listening to Gabrielle’s interview really pieced it together for me and explained it well–I had many mini ‘aha’ moments.

    I have recently decided to hold off on my Masters degree because I had a gut feeling that it was not time. It was not what I needed for me and I know I have started so much these last year’s because of my perfectionism, plans, and need for control. So instead of school for this next year, I plan to focus on me and re-connecting with who I am and furthering my connection with my Oneness–which I truly believe in as well. Gabrielle’ s book will be added to my list of must-reads to help me on this journey. Thank you. (:

    • Samantha C.

      I meant to say, I know I have strayed* so much these last few years.

  62. Hannah

    Just got on the hold-list at my library! Can’t wait!! Gabs you are amazing, Marie you are amazing, Team Forelo you are amazing, everyone in the comments being so beautiful you are amazing, bless you alllllll!!!!!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      You rock, Hannah! Thanks so much for your kind words and infectious energy. We’re so grateful to have you in our world!

  63. Tracy

    Wow! Seeing to of my personal favorite thought leaders together is exciting- like Wonderwoman and Supergirl in the same movie : )
    I had a couple of lightbulb moments here.
    Gabby says, “this is a passive practice” and that really struck me. Normally the energy I give to seeing a more elevated way of being is the energy of “doing”- remember to meditate, begin the day with saying gratitudes, reach out to support others– things that feel good and are center- but are also “actions” we are taking. And then sometimes judging ourselves for not doing them frequently enough.
    Understanding judgement detox as a passive practice means we are not “doing” non-judgement, but are rather releasing judgement. We are returning to our source place of wholeness and uncovering that which is already there. Ok- here’s a third grade teacher (me) metaphor- when leaves shed their green- chlorphyll (judgement, “green” envy) , they reveal the brilliant colors- gold, red, and oranges (radiant love and light) that were hidden beneath- our underlying beautiful wholeness.
    Thank you for sharing these insights with us…

  64. Thank you both, Marie and Gabby for sharing your individual relationships and experiences with ‘judgement’ – and congratulations to Gabby Bernstein for authoring this book.

    We judge all the time. It appears to be hard-wired into our egoic-mind/body interface with material existence – but dwelling within the perception of non-duality allows our conscious reasoning mind to misuse the ability to judge. As it is a subject to which I have given a lot of thought and devoted much ‘feeling’ – I found myself in agreement with what Gabby was saying. Especially the reclamation of personal power inherent in choosing and alternative to judgement.

    The really valuable insight for me, was when judgement was described as a ‘trigger’. To perceive it thus is a really useful key. It struck me that I could use this ‘trigger’ to introduce pertinent questions:

    What does my judgement here teach me/mirror back to me?
    What is the emotion that arises from this judgement?
    Which emotion is the exact opposite of this emotion?
    How do I choose a reaction (or non-action) that engenders that emotion?

    Everyone we meet in life is potentially our teacher – if we can just be still, and hear the lesson they bring – a lesson of which they are totally unaware – we can then grow from this interaction. When I mis-use judgement, I no longer have to actually meet, for that person to be my teacher. The answers provided from effective questions I ask of my ‘judgements’ – can become my teacher.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Those are such great questions, Leslie! And I love what you shared about how everyone we meet can teach us something. That’s so true and a beautiful outlook on life.

  65. I LOVED THIS EPISODE. I love all Marietv, but this one has spoken to me. I’m totally getting that book. Marie, I love your values and the content you share. Thanks for sharing your gifts with the world. Gabrielle, I’ve almost gotten your books in the past and for some reason faltered. Now your name is brought up again and I know it wasn’t an accident on the Universe’s part. I’m off to hat amazing book of yours. Thanks for sharing your gifts!!!

  66. Gladys Caro

    What a powerful interview!! Marie you made such provocative questions and Gabby you answered them so much from the ❤️!!! You two speak from such profound level!! Thanks for the amazing and admirable work that you two are doing!!

  67. I have really struggled lately. I have been frustrated, angry, weepy, sad, depressed, burnt out. I’ve avoided, I’ve blamed. Until yesterday, as a sadness was washing over me, I sat down in my bedroom, started sketching of what I felt and wrote a poem of how I felt. Something happened as doing that, a sense of release. As I was listening this video, I saw so clearly that lot of my pain was caused by judgement – everyone, everything and me. Thank you for this, I’m ready to release my attachment to my blame and start healing.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yay, Eija! It’s so good to hear that you’re ready to heal and move forward. It sounds like the new year has good things in store for you. 🙂

  68. Just love you ladies and the awesome work you both do! Thank you – so much!

  69. Lot

    Thanks for this wonderful interview! <3 I so love what you both do <3 What really resonates with me was when Gabby said "It's uncomfortable when we separate", because I feel that is such a good sign to get you back on track. When I get uncomfortable I immediately know that I did something that didn't really resonates with my truth. And I can switch it immediately by not judging myself for that. Like judging my man when he's not doing the things how I want them to be done 😉 Thanks so much I'm looking forward to your book Gabby! <3

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good point, Lot! Marie has talked about the wisdom we carry in our bodies, so it makes sense that a feeling of discomfort is our body trying to tell us something.

  70. Jill Cooper

    That I need to slow down and take time to reflect on my judgements and so many other things. I believe that fear is the biggest reason we judge others and if we take the time to listen and digest what they are saying, even if we don’t agree, we will find similarities.

  71. Evelien

    Wow, talking about the ‘right episode at the right time’… I have been struggling lately with such a negative vibe, feeling down all the time, getting upset over the most little and stupid things, and feeling a tremendous amount of fear to ‘live my life’, and I just couldn’t put my finger on the problem. It can be so painful sometimes to feel that you have the ability to do great things, but I am holding myself back and I couldn’t figure out how and why. And the more I realised that ‘I’ am ‘my problem’, the more frustrated and angry and sad I got… Judgement was definitely the key word, but only through this episode I have realised how important it is for me to start working on it. The judgement really becomes a sort of ‘spiritual suicide’, and it builds up into my life until I completely paralyse. And that’s the point I am at right now: paralysed. Trying to stop the judgement just doesn’t work… but Gabby’s words made a small ‘click’… “stop believing it”. Let’s try that one :). Thank you Marie for this episode (and all the others, you’re my weekly dose of inspiration and energy to keep trying), but also Gabrielle: thank you for this interview, and for the book (I’ll be hunting it down in the book stores this month!). Quite funny that I had your (Gabrielle’s) meditations on my hard drive for over two years, and only this week I started doing them. And than BOOM, there you are on my screen talking about that one issue that is my major problem at the moment. That just makes me smile :). Sending you both (and your teams) lots of love from Belgium!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Evelien! I’m so glad this episode came at just the right time. It sounds like you’ve got a journey ahead, but are equipped with some great tools to help. We believe in you and you can do it! 🙂

  72. Vicki

    Wow….I am NOT alone!!!
    And…. I am not a wicked person!!!
    AND…I can heal myself and be a better person.
    Sometimes all we need is for someone like you gals to point these things out to our stalemated minds, guide us on the journey by helping us see the steps we can take to make this a viable character trait to be practiced every day. Thank you for showing me how not to be my own victim…how not to wallow in self pity….how to own up to my own personal change!

  73. Thank you Marie and Gabby,
    This was a very powerful video and it really resonated with me on a deep level. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only person who judges although I have been working on eliminating that for a while now. I’m looking forward to reading your book when it comes out in January as I just know it is the next step in helping me with getting a handle on judgement.
    I do have a question though. Is there a difference between having an opinion and having judgement? For example, in my opinion I don’t think Big Pharma has consumers best interest at heart. I formed that opinion by reading what has been said about them and how some of the drugs they tout really do a person more harm than the ailment they are supposed to relieve.
    Thank you for all you do.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a good question, Luis! It sounds like your opinion on Big Pharma is based on evidence you’ve collected and experiences you’ve had. Often judgments come up suddenly about things that we don’t really know much about (like ideas about someone within a few seconds of meeting them) and we don’t know why because it’s not a conscious idea we’re formulating based on fact. There may be some occasional overlap in the two, but I hope that distinction helps.

  74. This is so good! Judgement is beneficial if there is a sabre-toothed tiger coming to eat you. You must judge the situation quickly and get the hell out of there. Our current way of living gives us more time to use that tool in a different way. Now, we don’t have to worry about a tiger, but we still have that “tool” in our brains. I think judgement manifested into this new kind of tool to deal with childhood wounds like Gabby said. I don’t think cavemen worried about their childhoods because they were worried about tigers. Babies don’t judge themselves out of the womb. They poo and pee on themselves and think they are brilliant. I agree. I think we learn how to judge in this disconnected way. When Gabby spoke about us all being one with our wounds it reminded me of what one of my hubby’s professors said while he was getting his physic degree. She said that everybody’s pain is equal. What might seem like nothing could be as painful for somebody as something society looks at as incredibly tragic. Judging pain levels is not positive in therapy or life I guess. I feel like lots of my stuff was learned and has nothing to do with core me. I love the saying that awareness is curative. Just being aware of the learned thoughts has helped me say “that so doesn’t belong to me, goodbye”. I like to tap into something bigger than me and ask for guidance and help. Being aware and asking for help has really made a big difference in my judgment tool box. I can’t wait to read this book!

  75. Paula

    Marie and Gabby, OMG, this judgement detox conversation is such an incredible heart-opening gift – so beautifully presented, so essential – thank you thank you thank you!!! ❤️?????❤️????
    Living/loving in this way is courageous, selfless, presencing, and freeing – holy %#*! – and in each moment, I get to choose this (…again in this moment, and, again in *this* moment, and… ??❤️) –
    I’m so very thankful for, and inspired by, who you both are, for the exquisite light you shine into the world. Marie, for BSchool and MarieTV, amazing!! And Gabby – loved meeting you in Boston during your “The Universe Has Your Back” book tour (Oct’16) – please come back so we can show ya s’more love! ❤️??❤️??❤️

  76. Asha A Hussein

    Forgiveness is a multifaceted and complex action to apply, especially when it’s towards someone you thought would never hurt you. I am in the process of learning to forgive and understanding that by the end of the day we’re all human and are in need of forgiveness. I love hard, so when someone hurts me it’s difficult for me to forgive. In the last couple of years, my closest friends have gotten married and diatanced themselves from me. I have always been there for them and have loved them as sisters. I was hurt to say the least and still am. However, I’m trying to see it from their perspective. They have gone through a major life change. They’re no longer single and are more occupied w their new life. So, I keep reminding myself that I’m still their friend and should support them. So yes it hurts, but it’s more freeing to be understanding and supportive instead of taking it personally and holding a grudge. Life is too challenging and love is the key to getting through those challenging moments.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Your capacity for empathy and forgiveness is such a beautiful strength, Asha. Thank you for opening your heart––we, as well as your friends, are lucky to know you.

  77. Shirley Hurm

    Thanks Marie, once again! Your show always hits home to real things that are going on!! My biggest take away from Gabby’s talk today with you is that I have been feeling very judged lately. Which has caused me to judge back. I guess I didn’t quite zone in on it until I heard the show. I mean, I am aware of the fact that we all judge, and it is not good. But to wake up and see that my judgement could be the cause of my bad experiences, is eye opening. Because the people I think are judging me are picking up on me that I am judging them. It is a vicious circle.
    And on the other hand, lets say for instance, they might be really be judging me. What I can do now, is figure out a way to not let that effect me and possibly show love back. This would be most unexpectant and welcoming to them, when they are crying out for love themselves. It could be beneficial for both of us and we would connect.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes, Shirley! You hit the nail on the head. We’re thrilled you got such great insights and can move forward from a place of love.

  78. liz

    OMG, Thanks so much Gabrielle and Marie for switching on the light for me…. I just realised how ‘wounded’ & how I am desparately seeking for love without realising it as I find it extremely hard to forgive when it comes to one person (family member of spouse). So you had diagnosed my problems, and I had forgiven and make my life free from those persons, but I still cannot see how I can forgive her who treats me like sh… and like I dont exist in front of my spouse, also she just keeps on pounding on and I am certain she is out there to undermine my marriage. Even if I forgive her, things will keep surfacing from her and so I will still be under constant barrage of her antics to ruin my life & relation. So unfortunate she is a family member and I cannot just shut the door on her without causing big drift with my spouse (who had a stroke some years ago and I can really upset him… or can I ……shut the door I mean???

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s really tough, Liz, and I’m sorry your family member isn’t treating you with love and respect. Although whether or not to close the door on her is ultimately between you and your husband, I did want to note that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean continuing a relationship or saying everything that happened is okay. It wasn’t okay how she treated you and you may not want to continue the relationship––you can still protect yourself from harm and forgive at the same time. Forgiveness is really about the person doing the forgiving rather than the person in need of forgiving. It’s about letting go of anger and hurt and resentment so you can live a happier life. I hope this helps and no matter what you decide, we encourage you to do what’s best for you.

  79. I loved the video, I can’t wait to get the book. As a teacher it is really hard not judge the parents and co-workers for not meeting expectations, or what I think they should do, I try understand and see both sides. I am passionate about what I do and so my expectations are high for myself and my environment,

  80. Ginny

    Really good to hear just before Christmas as there is always a relationship that might be strained whose only cure is Forgiveness….definitely buying Judgement Detox!

  81. OMG – this is one of my favorite Marie TV episodes, by 2 women who inspire me daily! This episode was perfect timing for me to watch right before the holidays – I’ve been battling with worrying about how others perceive me or judge me and the choices I make (especially family members and friends) and I just want to thank Gabby for being such a light in the world. She is as a constant reminder for me to be a source for love & connection that is stronger than my own judgements or worries. I can’t wait to read the book!

  82. The practice of observing our judgments is not easy but it’s so rewarding. And observing when we judge our judgments is a hide ‘n seek game with ourself. Love it!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Haha, so true! 🙂

  83. Forgiveness is HUGE, especially for yourself. We all have doubts and fears, and yet we must forgive ourselves as well to move forward in life and in business. Thank you for this!

  84. Thank you so much! I really needed to choose again today. BTW “May Cause Miracles” CHANGED MY LIFE over New Years, 2015, put me on the path to B-School 2017, and everything that follows. I’ve already pre-ordered this new book, and can’t wait to bring it into the New Year. Love everything you do.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Emily! It’s so great to hear that Gabby helped you put your life on such an amazing trajectory. We’re honored to be a part of it. 🙂

  85. As the page was loading, I immediately noticed that the tab title says “Judgement” which is a common but incorrect spelling of the word. Given my professional training, typos tends to jump out at me. I got judgey when I saw it. But then laughed at the irony.

  86. Daniela

    Absolutely loved this. And yes, so very needed at this time. Biggest insight – there were really two for me. The “hangover effect” – loved how you described it and yes, I totally have experienced this, even WHILE I was indulging in those behaviors. I now recognize it earlier and earlier and get to stop myself! And the second, how judging effects my power to manifest. Great reminder for me. Love both of you!

  87. Adrienne

    Hi Marie. Not sure if this question has been asked… but your dress is amazing. Would love to know where it was found? You look beautiful! : )

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your kind words., Adrienne! While we don’t have the exact source for this particular dress, Marie’s outfit in this video is the work of her amazing stylist, Elsa, who often makes cameo appearances on MarieTV. Thanks for stopping by!

  88. Nicu

    Thank you Marie and Gabby!
    Now,I know that it’s all about love… Yippee!
    We are all One(Love) 🙂
    Love & Joy!

  89. A lot of meaning to me. Y’know I have this bad habit not only for the other people but also myself. Whenever I have mistake I always feel I am bad and this feeling nearly make me feel scare for the next choice. I have to take a long time to learn How to forget myself and take my life easy. Thank you so much!

  90. Dawn

    Thank you! Excellent!!! Just the message needed now. Love to all.

  91. KG

    Great show and such an important topic. Judgment is such a toxic habit. And, like a virus judgment spreads more judgement. Discernment has an entirely different vibe and comes from the deep understanding of a wise and loving heart.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Such a great perspective, KG! You’re so right that we could just as easily spread love and compassion by practicing discernment instead of judgement. Thanks so much for sharing!

  92. Karen Shirlow

    I sometimes find it difficult to say “I forgive you” instead I say “I choose to release these negative feelings within. ” Paying close attention to the experience/sensation within me (my contracted “I’s”) and allowing it/them to release/dissolve/melt away into the wholeness of awareness that is all around. Xx

  93. Suzi

    I especially resonated with how our deep wounds trigger us into judging ourselves and others.

    I find myself judging those who are judgmental of others. Perhaps I feel judged by others?

    One struggle I have (probably related) is not being able to discern when I’m triggered if it is being I’m judging others or if I’m allowing others to push my boundaries. I find myself triggered by my young adult children (one lives at home). I’m not sure if it’s because I’m judging their words/actions or if it’s because I’m judging myself for not being able to set clear boundaries. Does that make any sense to anyone? Any ideas?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Suzi, thank you so much for watching and for commenting. What you shared absolutely makes sense, and I’m wondering if it might be a combination of both things you mentioned. I often find personally when I’m feeling judgemental of others, it’s partially what they’re doing or saying, but also it’s a reflection of how I feel about myself – either things I do personally, or things I’m afraid of being/saying/doing … if that makes sense.

      One thing that popped to mind while reading your note was that you might dig deeper internally when you find yourself feeling judgemental in these situations and asking what things you might be reacting to: both in terms of what is happening externally, and also how you’re feeling about it or things it might trigger regarding your beliefs or boundaries.

      Although it’s a very different topic than your situation, we did a MarieTV episode that talks about how to lean in and learn something when we’re feeling jealous ( I wanted to mention it because you can use a similar process to lean in and explore judgements – just substitute “jealous” with “judgement.”

      I hope that helps, and thanks again for tuning in!

  94. 8 months ago I found myself scrolling through Facebook and judging all of the people I called “friends.” In that single moment, I chose to not be that person anymore. Like Gabby says, we can make a choice to choose a different reality… so I signed off Facebook for good and I realized all of the judgments that I made internally about other people was really how I felt about myself! Go figure. It’s been an interesting journey detoxing off social media, but I can see the judgments wither away as I don’t think about other people’s fabricated lives anymore. Choosing to transform judgment into love, kindness, and compassion is my biggest takeaway from this episode. I agree we all have it within us to make the decision to choose whats right for ourselves and our higher powers. Thank you Gabby and Marie for, yet again, an amazing interview. Can’t wait to read the book <3 xoxoxo

  95. This is confession time 🙂 From the moment of seeing the Marie’s email about this show till now, countless judgements I was making, and now I can’t stop laughing about each of them. I now have to admit that I admire Gabby (to be honest, I don’t remember the last time I used the term “admire” because I hate to lose) but since I didn’t want to do so, I was judging her instead! As soon as I thought I’d buy her book, I started judging my decision–like I was aware that judgements separate us from oneness, forgiveness has a huge power, and I even wrote the same in my blog page etc.
    Furthermore, I was always wishing to release judgements as I know it brings peace.
    So, thank you Marie for introducing Gabby and her book to my life, and thank you Gabby to quiet my judgements so I’ll be able to get your book! I’m really exited to read it.

  96. Thank you Marie, Thank you Gabby.
    I needed to see this episode only once (though I already have got back to it, and feel like I am not done yet!) to realize my own quick judgment on others.
    I do pay particular attention not to hurt or get intrusive with people since I have the feeling that it is the current rule in my country (France). AND YET: Oh my Gosh!
    So thank you Gabby for having the courage and simplicity to write about it.

  97. Love this! Just what I needed to hear before going to visit my in-laws…who bring about an insane amount of judging in me!! Now, I can go into the situation as an observer of my judgement and not get so wrapped up in it. Thank you! Can’t wait to read your book, Gabby!

  98. Merry Christmas Marie and Gabby. Thank you for this episode. It was a great insight that I am thinking will affect my life. I don’t have the book yet but I will definitely start being aware of my judgements already and acknowledge them for me needing more love and acceptance. Big Christmas hug from Norway. 🙂

  99. This message was very important for me since I judge all the time. My biggest takeaway from this is I can’t rid myself of my judgments but I can choose to not believe in them. And that believing in my judgments I’m separating from my truth which is within me that of love, kindness, and compassion. By choosing to not believe in my judgments I can become closer to myself and my truth.
    Marie, thanks for the message and recommendation. I’m definitely picking up Gaby’s book!
    PS: You are one of the strongest reasons for me to follow my purpose and dream. Thanks for your work and know that I’m touched by your work.
    Lots of love, peace, and joy to you!

  100. Needed to hear this right now. Just listened to friend tonight who was throwing out judgements about many mutual friends. I was nodding and agreeing but later thought more about it–realizing I did not totally agree. The judgements are short-sighted and leave no room for deeper understanding. I am also becoming more aware that this is an ongoing pattern between us. Watching this interview helped me realize that I can choose a different way to react next time. It will be tough for me but I’m going to try it and that is simply to not respond the same way I always have before. I’m not sure what that’s going to look like but we will see. Thankyou

  101. I’ve come to realise that when I am at my most “judgy” it’s because other feelings are being triggered in me. Usually these are ones of feeling overwhelmed, or I’m not important, or I’m being taken advantage of. Kind of like how Marie mentioned a place and time when she didn’t feel safe and secure. The trick is not acting on these judgements with unkind words. I appreciated the wisdom in this episode, as always.

  102. Love this and how you address that it’s not simply about your judgement of others, but your judgement of self that can limit you so much. And I love the concept of not pushing away judgement, but seeing it like in meditation – observing the judgement and letting it go. I love hearing from authors/speakers/coaches who speak the truth of reality; not just a utopian society that is free from judgement, stress and overwhelm, but one that recognizes that we are human – and our nature is not that of perfection. It is in our struggles that we so often have our deepest growth. Like Brené Brown says, “The last thing we need in the midst of our struggle is shame for being human.”
    And judgement…these are often the times our own shortcomings are brought to light, as what stands out in another is oftentimes what we struggle with ourselves. My husband’s great-aunt always said, “when you point a finger at another, there are three more pointing back at you.”
    Thank you Marie, MF Team and Gabby for making the effort to get these videos and these insights out – they impact so many!

  103. Monika Melcher

    I just had an experience at work. A colleague was screaming and 2 others screamed back. I said to myself do I say something to him or not, but I decided to quiet my ego and just sending him love. Next day I when we had our brake at work I arranged for everyone a plate with a handmade piece of cake, an appreciation letter and a Christmas napkin. The screamer was so speechless and his attitude changed to a handsome person. I could do this because I am willing for many, many years to learn awareness, be patient and stick with practicing self love again and again. Much love Monika.

  104. Cynthia Brown

    Wow – the timing on this was eerie!! I am a salesperson (ahem, struggling in sales) – my work is not where I want it to be, but everything else in my life is going great! So, why complain, and where can I improve? I will get my hands on this book, and my “take-away” is; no matter what happens, I will not take rejection personally… it’s a process but thank you Gabrielle (and, of course, Marie!). Have an awesome 2018!!

  105. Olga

    Need to read this book ? Thank you for everything you do! Both of you!!!

  106. Monique-Elisabeth

    Thank you so much Marie and Gaby, this is soooo helpful.
    Your conversation is a gift.
    Just listened to it on 31st December. A great way to end 2017.
    Thanks again. Much love

  107. Kerri

    Driving into work yesterday, while listening to the Judgement Detox, I stopped at a light behind a car with the license plate 555 JDG. What a great sign :). Thought Gabby would like that one!

    Thank you Gabby for all the light you bring into this world. You make it a better place for all of us :).

  108. Lisa

    I am excited to read this book and start to put these principles into action. I know that I am “guilty” of judging myself firstly and others as well. The piece that really resonated with me was the idea that when we judge others, we separate ourselves from our oneness. And yes, it might feel “good” in the moment to connect over judging another, that rips at the fabric of all of us. Thanks for a great interview!

  109. Have been doing so much development in this space. The biggest reminder is “that we all judge”. Realising that even getting mad at ourselves when we catch ourselves judging is judging. I so resonated with being the secret murderer, the killing ourselves inside, beating ourselves up to be better. Am appreciating the journey to self-love and appreciation and this was a great reminder to be kind to myself, because that judgement still creeps in from time to time. Thank you both Marie and Gabby.

  110. Thank you Stellar Sisters that you are. So much practical-say-it-like-it-is shared wisdom in this interview. Fabliss 🙂
    I love “choose to see through the lens of love, not fear” and in doing so “no perfectionism necessary, no self judgement”. This has landed at the right time for me.
    With love and thanks to you both for your great work on this planet of ours.
    Fiona (Dublin, Ireland)

  111. I saw Gabbys Facebook video the other week after a friend shared it. It was so inspiring and she is very relatable! I bought the book from Amazon right away. I just started reading it! I look forward finishing it.

  112. Pervin Fahim

    Thank you Marie for introducing Gabby on your sessions. I have read both “The Universe has got your back” and “Judgement Detox”. Both books have changed my outlook to life. Love and compassion are a no brainer but in these highly volatile times, we need the reminder to think and act as one. Keep up your amazing work Marie.

  113. “Don’t judge your judgements!” We’ve all got them and we can consciously change them with love. YES!!! ❤️❤️❤️

  114. Jo Newson

    Wow, that was amazing. I was speechless all the way, from start to finish.

    That last part just knocked me over. I mean ‘forgiveness ‘ was something that just wouldn’t resonate with me (like “why bother about that?”, “no need to pay attention to such negativity”, “it’s just not worth my attention at all”). However, with that ‘restricted’ thinking I forgot the part I should play into it myself which, is like ”Hey, elevate yourself and use your energy to do -and spread- good for those who need to hear/see it from you and, frankly for those same people (behind the need to forgive) who really need to hear/see that too because they’re ignoring/restricting (any/their) association with goodness around them as well as inside of themselves. ”

    Anyway, this just comes at a time when I’m developing my purpose-driven business that includes defeating negativity. This was as you said, Gabrielle, coming from an external voice/force for me to hear it as such. So powerful, thank you! I would not only recommend your book to the audience (they need such valuable content addressing these core issues), I would hope that I’ll get a chance to meet you and perhaps be there when you share a little something with the public.

    Not only Marie (and Team Marie) is so helpful as I move ahead with my project (through all the value content and support), you, Gabrielle, confirm that I must go all the way with it because people really need help for something better/greater. Having started with myself, it’s time for me to share.

    I thank you both Grabrielle and Marie for your help and wisdom and your gift of reinforcing that yes, one needs to go out and help so many other people. Alright, I get back to work. Bless you! ???

  115. Michelle Wade

    I stumbled upon your site like the perfect shell on a beach. I picked it up and put it on my altar and now it’s part of me. Some days I just look at it when some days I pick it up and hold it I’m think about the wisdom it in parts and revisit the feeling of the day I first found it. Something that way also very dear to me in a similar way was a book about forgiveness by Neale Donald walsch called, The Little Soul and the Sun. I’m quite sure you’ll find some wisdom in it as well. 🙂

  116. Michelle Wade

    I stumbled upon your site like the perfect shell on a beach. I picked it up and put it on my altar and now it is a part of me. Some days I just look at it, and some days I pick it up and hold it; I think about the wisdom it imparts and revisit the feeling of the day I first found it. Something that is also very dear to me in a similar way was a book about forgiveness by Neale Donald walsch called, The Little Soul and the Sun. I’m quite sure you’ll find some wisdom in it as well. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Michelle! That’s so kind of you to say and I just love the metaphor of a shell on the beach. We’re so happy you found Marie and that her wisdom is inspiring and encouraging you. We appreciate the book recommendation and are happy you’re a part of our community. 🙂

  117. Recently, I have repeatedly faced the Suspension of Judgment speech. Although judging is human, in my opinion there are two mistakes to avoid. To be too hard on yourself, perhaps because of the influence of others’ judgments, and to think that you know enough about others to judge them. The judgment is more serious if given to people we do not know at all. Also because everyone has something to teach, stopping at the judgment can make us lose an opportunity.

  118. A couple of days ago, I had a major moment when I heard a bunch of cousins judging me and my husband and that hurt me a lot. I was miserable for a few minutes and that’s when I told myself the following-
    1. They are entitled to their opinion.
    2. They can choose to think the way they want, it’s their free will.
    3. I reminded myself of their good qualities and how deep down, they all are lovely human beings.
    Then, I chose to forgive them and love them anyway.
    I did this for myself first and then for them.
    We feel we forgive for others but in actuality, we do so for our own good!
    Love & Light,

    • Heather-Team Forleo

      What a beautiful gift for yourself and those others in your life. We hope that you felt a sense of ease and lightness that you so deserve.

  119. Dearest Marie, I love you and your beautiful heart and I thank you for all that you share on Marie TV! You have been a very important part of my life for the past several years and I truly feel grateful and blessed for the way you present yourself as a new thought leader day in and day out! Josh is a very lucky man to have you as such a special part of his life. Please know that I consider you to be a gifted mentor and a true friend who I love, respect, admire and adore! And I love the ‘Jersey Girl’ in you! I also believe that everything is “figureoutable” and I pray to God that I will have the pleasure to get to meet you in person when your book tour comes to Philadelphia, PA. In the meantime I hope that you can offer me your advice and help me to untangle the bird nest in my mind that has been a tremendous source of heartache and pain for me for more than two and a half decades! You see I am the third of seven children in my family of origin who were subjected to horrific abuse at the hands of my parents and my oldest brother during our formidable years! The nature of the abuse was physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual! And I have one sister who also was subjected to the same abuse! As a direct result of the lack of nurturing, parental guidance and love during our upbringing all of my siblings including myself suffer from a host of different mental infirmities and other health issues. I will save you from the drama and can only speak for myself. For some reason I was able to escape from the past and had gone on to get married to my high school sweetheart! We were blessed with two beautiful and gifted children! Our daughter is a successful attorney and our son is a medical doctor pursuing a career in psychiatry! Both of them are truly gifted and blessed and have always been a great blessing for my wife of 36 years and myself! By the grace of God I survived that horrific upbringing and became a successful entrepreneur despite having to commit myself to more than 25 years of psychiatric care and cognitive behavioral therapy on a weekly basis which is ongoing still to this day! Nevertheless, I am grateful for the help I am receiving from my therapist and my psychiatrist who monitors the 14 different medications that I take on a daily basis. And while I appreciate the fact that I must continue to work on my own life I find it very difficult to forget where I came from! And even though I have forgiven both parents I simply cannot forget what they did to my siblings and me! Not a day goes by that I don’t think about where I would be both personally and professionally if I didn’t have to deal with that crap! And so, do you have any advice that you could offer me for the wellbeing of my family and me? How am I supposed to forget about that time in my life when the wounds run so deep? Your thoughts are welcome sweet angel! Thank you!
    Respectfully yours,

  120. Maja - Team Forleo

    Hi Anthony! Thank you so much for your kind words, and for sharing your story and your heart with us. We are so incredibly sorry to hear about what you’ve been through, and we have nothing but admiration for how dedicated you are to your own and your family’s happiness and wellbeing. Thirty-six years of marriage, bringing up two successful children and building a good life, despite what you’ve experienced- those are definitely some of the things to be proud of and to celebrate.

    We think you may find Marie’s interview with Dr.Rick Hanson helpful, as well as these episodes:

    How to Forgive When You Can’t Forget and How to Turn Negative Vibes into Positive Fuel

    Hopefully these resources help you get closer to the answers you seek. Please know you’re also always welcome to get in touch with us via email at info at marieforleo dot com. We read every message that comes in. We’re sending lots of Team Forleo love your way, Anthony and we hope to see you in Philly!

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