Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Ever feel burnt-out from all your self-improvement efforts? Have the morning routines, evening routines and cornucopia of other success practices become just another chore on your neverending to-do list?

Then please listen to today’s interview. You’ll breathe a huge sigh of relief, have a few belly laughs and walk away with a much lighter schedule — and heart.

That’s because my guest today is my dear friend and fellow Oprah SuperSoul 100 member, Danielle LaPorte, author of the soon to be released book called White Hot Truth.

You are more than adequate. You are substance, beauty, magnificence. @DanielleLaPorte Click To Tweet

It’s a hilarious and brutally honest exploration of the conflict between genuine spiritual aspiration and our compulsion to constantly improve.

In this interview, Danielle and I cover a lot of bases.

You’re about to discover:

  • Why all the ‘woo’ of the self-help world keeps us from dealing with our poo
  • How positive thinking can lead us astray
  • The three ‘lies of inadequacy’ we can fall for on our path to grow
  • When it comes to chasing goals, the vital difference between being detached and non-attachment
  • Why the best self-help is self-compassion
  • And so much more…

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

Now, Danielle and I would love to hear from you.

In the comments below, let us know:

  • What was the insight, aha or distinction that meant the most to you from this conversation and why?
  • If the best self-help really is self compassion, what’s one way you could be more compassionate with yourself starting right now?

Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply.

Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your story may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

Thank you for tuning in, adding your point of view and for making this community one that’s rooted in kindness, respect and love.

And, if you have friends, clients or colleagues who might be suffering from a wee bit of self-help exhaustion, share this post.

With so much love,

XO

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210 comments

  1. Michaela Koporec

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I felt like I was alone in my feelings and views about the world, positivity and spirituality and now I know I’m not. I loved the part about no need to have a sad story cause I really don’t. It’s like finally someone is real about being who you are and what you can contribute with without making it something that isn’t. It’s so simple. Thanks again 🙂

    • Jemma Rosenthal

      ❤️

  2. Jemma Rosenthal

    Thank you so much for this, ..I’ve been in streams of tears..I felt the compassion running deep into my belly, there’s a quote in a course in miracles that says when the student is ready the teacher appears and I feel this was one of those perfect teaching/learning moments I felt I was forgiving all those moments I’d ever judged other teachers and myself, I have so many underlying issues that related to this post struggles with comparison etc and self criticism but I feel true compassion and loving yourself when you are hating yourself are so helpful and just being kind and saying it’s ok to be where you are xxx

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Jemma, we’re so glad to hear this resonated with you deeply. Self-compassion and unconditional acceptance with where we’re at is so important when it comes to overcoming comparison, self-criticism, and judgment. Keep being gentle with yourself!

  3. Robin

    My aha moment – Even if I don’t get what I want, I will still be okay! I will still be talented. I will still be loved and loving. I will still be resourceful. I will still be super cool. I will still be grateful and empathetic and kind. I will still BE. And something better will come along.
    And the best self help is really self compassion.

    • Robin

      Thank you Thank you Thank you for this!!!!!

    • Steph

      Yes. Well said!

  4. Tami

    I’m loving this. Many of this I have figured out on my own since my 30’s. 43 now. My fave …about the lie of authority. That I make the final call …the less anxiety I will have when I listen to my body, spirit. I had lived with anxiety my whole life. This reminder is just what I needed right now. THank you Danielle and Marie!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Beautiful, Tammy. We’re happy to hear this was just the reminder you needed right now! How powerful to take that authority into your own hands by truly listening to yourself.

  5. Ivi

    I am that kind of tough cookie too, and my only problem with my problems is that I never seem to figure out them fast enough for my taste. So, to get into that space to tell myself “of course is hard, but you’ll get better” and actually believe in it… oh boy! What has been working so far is to get moving in baby steps without wishing for some outcome first, and then, after the warm up, start asking for something.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Love this, Ivi. I completely resonate with wanting to solve my problems quicker too, and when we can say “of course this is hard” to ourselves with compassion, everything changes. Consistent baby steps are the perfect way to go! Thank you so much for sharing your experience here.

  6. Hannah

    Thank you thank you thank you, Marie and Danielle! I can’t fully express HOW MUCH I needed your words today. Listening to them has set my soul more at peace than it’s been in months. So much love and gratitude to you both!!! xo Hannah

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      That’s wonderful to hear, Hannah! We’re so glad you listened today and that this conversation has brought the peace you needed. Sending our love your way.

  7. Danielle LaPorte: I love you. Marie Forleo: I love you. THANK YOU. This conversation just filled me up with gratitude and joy. Speaking from both of your beautiful hearts, you made mine jump with joy and gratitude.

    I am hearing you BIG TIME. Having started my spiritual journey pretty late (back in 2012 at the age of 32), I came across so many myths of inadequacy, group beliefs I could not second at all, stuff I felt was old energy … And I felt so confused when all I wanted was to be among like-minded souls and share insights, learn and grow. There were teachers telling me I had to split pages when offering more than just that “one thing” they taught (which I did not do) and there were teachers telling me I need to be vegan while my body still was craving for meat. Do I think questioning myself is a good thing? Hell yes! But not when it comes down to self-denial.

    My strong belief is that as soon as we start putting our word out there, we need to be the most veritable versions of ourselves we can be at that very moment (at all of those moments). I do wish I could delete some of the stuff that I published but at the same time I know I did it with my best intention to be truthfully myself, speaking my heart’s truth. I am no wiser, smarter, better … than any of those awesome spirits out there. So my f***ing (sorry for cursing) duty is to be truthfully myself and to let everybody out there know that I am human with human things to deal with, with issues that need to be worked out, with cigarettes I smoke every once in a while, with meat I eat now and then – and still be somebody living her mission of teaching love. And I find that quite hard and challenging sometimes.

    So THANK YOU both from the bottom of my heart. You just made my day – well basically you made my life 😀 Love you so much!!

    All the best from Germany, love,
    Hannah

  8. I really appreciate the 3 Lies. Thank you for saying them out loud.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Awesome Sean, really glad to hear these resonated with you.

  9. WOW! I am still in awe of this conversation. So touching and ah-ah-momenting! The most ah-ah moment (there were a few) for me was when manifesting was discussed. Within seconds of these words being said :”Turn up the volume on this. Even if you do not manifest what you want, you will be ok”. My emotional volume went through the roof on these words. I starting feeling and the sobbing began (it’s like someone had told my younger self (little girl) that I couldn’t get a piece of cake at a birthday party). I paused the podcast, allowed myself to feel, and sob. The message was loud and clear. I NEED TO TRUST! There is no need for the need to control the outcome. Although, I intellectually knew this, my subconscious was denying it and my energy was blocking at this stage. I needed to come at peace with this. Ouah! That was an awesome ah-ah moment right there! As for compassion, being ok with me not trusting the process is what needed to be done in order for me to go to “moveon.org”. I am being compassionate about my growth and accepting where I am in MY journey.
    Marie & Danielle, I sincerely want to thank you for this podcast. It was a powerful conversation between 2 amazing souls! Namaste xx

  10. Andi

    Great conversation thank you for sharing. So many magic moments but the conversation around life being like a movie struck the biggest chord. Reminds me of a favourite John Lennon quote ” it will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end”. How wil I be kinder to myself? Not sure but as that part of the conversation unfolded I allowed myself to breathe deeply, sit back in my chair and reflect on how good everything really is . A moment. I plan to keep repeating this moment. THANK YOU!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Beautiful, Andi! Just love that quote, thank you for sharing it here. Also love your goals of being kinder to yourself, and finding the good in each moment. This moment is always available to us 🙂

  11. Arloa

    I guess in summary it pretty much comes down to Authenticity. We can all be okay with being who we really are — no overdramatizing stuff, but no minimizing stuff either. None of us have it all figured out, but we can learn from eachother. We don’t need to become someone else, just learn from them. And none of us will remain as we are; we grow and change (unless we’re dead.) “This too shall pass.” Of course, to be authentic, we have to know ourselves – maybe that is the hardest part, and takes work, which no one else can do for us. And in the middle of the hard work, we need to be patient and kind to ourselves!
    So, in support of being kind to myself, I am in the process of removing myself from serving in a group that has become proud and rigid, but do it in such a way that exemplifies compassion to myself as well as to this group. (If not, I become the proud and arrogant one.) Thanks, ladies, for being fellow travelers, not experts.

  12. I had to fight back tears as I listened to Marie and Danielle’s conversation. So many gems, and it’s true: If a friend were to come to us today in need of an ear and support, we would be here for her without question and show her compassion, regardless of what her situation is. We need to be that friend to ourselves.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Absolutely Nicole. I had tears in that moment, too! This is often the most difficult lesson for us all, learning to truly be a kind, compassionate, unconditional friend to ourselves. So glad this resonated with you.

  13. Dawn

    So, I don’t have to feel bad that my life is kind of great? I don’t have to keep trying to fix something that I don’t really think is broken? I don’t have to constantly stream my struggle online? It’s OK to think I’m enough as is? I can call bullshit on some of the hype? Wow, that frees up a lot of my time. I am going to be so much more productive without that baggage. This is awesome. It’s like taking off a heavy winter coat, and discovering that it’s summer. Who wants to go for ice cream?

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Amen to that, Dawn!!

  14. Hey Marie! Thanks so much for this wonderfully honest and insightful interview with Danielle LaPorte. It’s exactly what I needed to hear today! It’s so refreshing to hear you both talk about the reality behind the scenes, especially since I respect and admire both of you amazing ladies! I love the concept of using self-compassion as a way to return to your center. To take a beat and realize that it’s ok to not be perfect all the time. I am definitely guilty of getting caught up in the social media-hyped pressure to have a perfectly balanced, spiritually gratifying routine. While I agree that all of those things (yoga, meditation, and healthy meals) are important, there are days when it’s just not happening… and that’s ok. Thanks again!

  15. Jenn

    Love, love, love! Lmao at “manifestation loser”–aha, so true. I spin in and out of my centered state and don’t see it until I realize I’m feeling worn out and low. That’s the big clue that I’ve veered off course. Material posted from people like you all help me when I need to fallback and regroup. Thank you for sharing. Look forward to picking up DLs new read. Again, love the authenticity! ❤️❤️❤️

  16. What resonated with me? Just the idea that you don’t have to be “that guy” who’s excelling in every freaking aspect of life. I go in cycles. I kick my own butt with routines and that mentality that to be a good creative person, to give my clients what they need I have to do the routines, the yoga, the running, the organization … and then I crash and I realize that I can’t. I can’t do all of that. I’m not “that guy”. I can’t grow in an environment where I dread doing my yoga. I do it when I want. Sometimes it three days in a row, sometimes I don’t do it for weeks. And you know what?? I prefer belly dance! So, what I can do right now, is maybe just remind myself that I’m at my best when I’m not trying to emulate that perfect boss lady routine. That’s not me. I’m a mess and that’s okay. I am happier when I’m just being a mess.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Yes, Heather!! Do what makes you happier, you are your own best advisor and know exactly what’s true and best for YOU. Thank you so much for sharing this and hooray for belly dancing!

  17. Marc Durand

    This conversation is worth listening to over and over until in is part of our atoms. You are both delightful and real.

  18. Thank you Marie & Danielle. this conversation means a world of words directly to my mind and heart. I have recently a breakdown as I never had before. I ended up in the ER, Doctors exams, MIR, etc and nothing (thanks G.d) came up. and is exactly what you have said. I found myself in this continuous fight to improve myself, between entrepreneurship, full time job, home, single mom with a graduated to be kiddo. (you know what I mean..) so this physical crisis that I had. came with a BIG MSSGE for me and I believe it was TO stop the pressure of analyzing myself at every step, the willing to have all at the perfect time , perfect place ,perfect things.. to have immediate response of everything ..doing to much at same time with no immediate results . and or not focus SO , I UNDERSTOOD (by force) I needed to have an “stop thinking BREAK”and just LET IT BE…
    so this audio came up precisely as a ring for my hand leasing to you guys reconnected all my doubts and dots and reconfirm the reasons of my crisis.
    The way I want to be more compassionate to myself is by taking things one by one letting things flow as they should without the constant pressure of perfection and most important let myself BE… with a big smile. Love,

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Maria, I’m so sorry to hear about the difficult time you’ve been through recently. We’re glad to hear this conversation spoke to your heart, and that you’re learning to be really gentle with yourself. So many of us put that incessant, unrealistic pressure to be perfect on ourselves and don’t realize the consequences until we’re really struggling. Letting yourself just BE is such a gift. Sending you love!

  19. Brigitte A

    This was simultaneously revelation and affirmation. It was one big “AHA” moment, from beginning to end; yet, was also verbalizing stuff some part of me already knew.
    SOOO much of this conversation resonated with me. The part that had the biggest impact on me was the section that distinguished between detached and unattached. The part that talked about wanting something with your whole being AND being okay if you don’t get it. Having Faith enough to let go. This isn’t the end of the movie yet.
    Thank you for this.
    Thank you for being you and for helping me be me.

  20. Thank you so much for this, Marie!!
    Danielle, you are Canadian – another (shallow) reason to be happy 🙂
    Jokes aside, here are my answers.
    1.
    I love Danielle’s language – well, I’m fascinated by language – the way she creates her own. I adore it. The sensuality of the images she creates – they really speak to me.

    Also, the idea of the manifestation – the manifestation is not the stuff, but the happy feeling we create on our way to the stuff (whatever the shape/form/color of the stuff will be, which is always the Universe’s surprise). We can’t get that arrogant to claim that we know what we want. We want today and the manifestation is tomorrow. The Universe is expanding, so tomorrow will come with another miraculous shape/form/color stuff. We can never know what we will manifest in a touching/seeing/smelling kind of way. But we should be clear that our manifestation is the joy and the happy feeling in the pit of our stomach that brings us some future, unknown, one-eyed green stuff.
    2.
    I’ve always been my best friend. Got lucky with a pair of parents who knew how to support me. I always found my best friend in the mirror. Got lucky to being the only child. The test is when you have someone to share your life with: a dog, a child, a partner. That’s when we shouldn’t forget our best friend from the mirror. That’s what I can practice more.

  21. Oh, ladies. What a deep, heartfelt, and insightful conversation. For me, what meant the most personally was to be compassionate with ourselves. I think so many entrepreneurs are Type-A personalities. Driven, motivated, energetic and more. And while these traits are incredible, I do think they tend to make us push harder, work more, and be relentless. And, yes, when things don’t happen according to our “expectations” of what all of our effort should have yielded, we launch into, “I didn’t do it right. I have to try even harder. I have to work even more.” And we end up in this vicious cycle instead of honoring ourselves for what we DID accomplish and being compassionate that we did the best we could and it’s okay to be right where we are. The best way for me to be compassionate with myself is to slow down, take a breath, and take a step back. I have been trying sooooooooooo hard in my business and my corporate job is draining the life out of me. Trying to do both SUCCESSFULLY is not working. And so I’ve taken some time to work on self-development and mindset to put myself in a better, more loving space. Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Love what you shared here, Debbie! It’s so true that as hard-working entrepreneurs, we tend to feel perpetually disappointed, as if there’s more to accomplish, or we could have done better. It’s SO essential to acknowledge all that we’ve done well and achieved, as you said. Kudos to you for taking a step back, slowing down, and being super compassionate with yourself – this is wonderful and necessary!

  22. Cyn

    Aaaannnnnddddd….ugly cry at work achieved.
    Perks of being self employed – only one office mate to explain to.
    I’ve been in that questioning place for a while now and it was great to hear you express a lot of what has been sitting in my heart regarding too much self help, non-manifesting, empty platitudes, and the need to say no (or yes!) in response to my own inner compass.
    Compassion is key. We can give it to others but we must also give it to ourselves.
    What would you say to your five year old self if she was in tears and needed consoling?
    Start there, right?
    Message received. Thank you.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      SO key, Cyn! We must always begin with ourselves. Thank you for what you’ve shared here. We’re really glad this episode touched you and was the message you needed to receive 🙂

  23. georgi georgiev

    Beautiful things well said but life is complicated

  24. Hello my two favourite ladies on the internet!
    The best part about this conversation was how real you guys got and thank you my dear Danielle for revealing that you get so freaking tired of trying to be the best at…. or do the spiritual/healthful thing you’re supposed to be doing to be the best ‘version of you’… I’m so beyond tired of riding the comparison train every time I read a blog post or email. Ironically, the people I compare to are YOU! :))). Sooo. Thank you for admitting that you do the same thing and we just need to feel ok with being who we are – as we are and the rest will fall in to place (with a little bit of faith and hustle).
    All of my love!
    Kristin

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Aw Kristin, thank you so much for what you shared here! Absolutely, we all fall down that rabbit hole of comparison and your gift is truly in being YOU, as you are. You’re perfect that way. So happy you enjoyed today’s conversation!

  25. Well gosh darn it, this was exactly what I needed today. I’ve been feeling burdened and suffocated by my life and business lately. I recognize that it’s my perspective on it, but it has left me feeling very confined and wishing to escape in grand fashion (i.e. go live on beach surrounded by 50 other people). What really stuck with me was that you also just honor the previous content you put out based on where you were and don’t re-hash it. As a coach I bought into this idea that I needed to put this “advice” out there, and memes with inspiration, and videos of me living this fantastic life. And frankly it all makes me want vomit. I like to be more really real than that with all the joy and mess in my life. Thanks for the wisdom (and message of freedom) today.

  26. lisbeth

    just listening but to hear DLP…say she would actually rather TALK to friends, WOW! maybe im not crazy!
    and “sob/speaker story,” I LOVE HER TRUTH..for it seems like yes, every soul”guru” has one…though I love many of them…but….wow, this is REAL..ity tv…but indeed we do not know what is like to be on another’s shoes.
    just overall topic of this podcast resonated deeply…. “lies” of life section, unreal!
    being GENTLE with self………so not easy… and my bottom line is, how do you find a tribe that aligns with all this…………SELF COMPASSION!!!! so easy to give compassion to others!!! and love to do it! “when you can love yourself when you hate yourself…see self in patterns…” OMG, so ez to soothe others souls!!!
    prayer..”you are more than adequate”….a tribe through which we offer this to each other……………organically, with love, for this is how I believe I behave in life to strangers, to those I know, cause it just ROCKS ..where is that tribe?
    however. on the comparison side, for me, its not so much spiritual…I guess b/c ive been on my own with this for some time……..its other LIFE comparisons, that I would love to get some guidance with.
    the attached/non attached segment! love it! “coverup for fear of not getting what you want”…MELTING INTO THE DESIRE, YES YES YES!!!! TRUST..yup….how is “deep positivity” different? …Where does DLP stand on the demand to see CLEARLY that vision…why can’t we be general with DESIRE??? that DESIRE is the driver, vs the PARTICULAR job, person, home, health!!!..where is she at on the FEELING it into being..abraham hicks work….
    where I could I ellicit self compassion………….how long do you have? no victim here…just wow……….this is the POWER i would love…to guide myself into this headset….and be ok w/it..WHERE, in accepting where I am is OK..not comparing..not focused on what happened, how could I F..up with such a stellar journey behind me…and why am I not inspired with some gut wrenching direction as I have had most of my life…why can’t I be excited about the journey .. ACCEPTANCE is a B….but at the same time, I know it can be magical……….where do I get my wand???????THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL EXCHANGE, YOU BOTH ROCK! DLP, NYC!

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Lisbeth, we’re glad to hear this conversation resonated with you and has you reflecting so deeply! This is a journey and we’re all learning as we go how to feel and be our best, most compassionate selves. Definitely be patient with yourself, this takes time.

      If you haven’t read Danielle’s book The Desire Map yet, I’d recommend checking it out, as she goes into depth there about how really tapping into our desired feelings on a daily basis helps us to authentically bring what we’re looking for into our lives.

  27. Pat

    The insight that meant the most to me was that I will be alright even if things don’t turn out the way I want. I’m in a tough place right now and know this yet needed to hear it. I also needed to hear myself tell myself that what I am going through is hard and I am weary. Nevertheless I am loving and good and moving in the right direction. Thank you.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      We’re sending you lots of love, Pat. You will get through this time, be good and gentle to yourself 🙂

  28. Laurais

    When you got to talking about the Law of Attraction (though not by that name) and non-attachment to outcome (33:00 to 36:00 in,) you (Marie and Danielle) bailed. That’s not a criticism. That’s all you really could do. Being successful means that once you’ve become successful, your success has disqualified you from saying certain things no matter that those things may be true. Example: a pretty woman is “disqualified” from telling a homely woman that “looks aren’t everything,” though that may be true, when a homely woman’s homeliness has been the cause of pain, disappointment and suffering in a world (or at least in her world) where looks make the difference. Substitute money, relationship, family, career, health, other things where it’s not going to be okay and never will be okay and you’ve still got to live unless you choose to end it.
    Maybe this is the price you pay or the burden you bear for having achieved success. People turn to you because they want, in ways appropriate to their circumstances, the success you’ve achieved, and they want you to tell or show them how to achieve it. They don’t want to hear that it’s okay if they never succeed. Not from those who’ve succeeded , even if, in the most global or deepest sense, it will be okay if they don’t succeed. “It’s ultimately going to be okay” has to come from those who themselves have failed. It can’t come from you no matter how sincere and compassionate you may be.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Laurais, thank you for sharing your perspective and how this sat with you. The intention for this conversation was to focus on the importance of not beating yourself up if you don’t achieve your goals right away, or as quickly as you might have hoped. Since Marie and Danielle have both faced many experiences of failure on the road to success, their hope in this conversation was to shine a light on the importance of persevering in the face of discouragement. Again, we truly appreciate you listening and sharing your viewpoint with us here!

  29. Terra

    When Danielle described crying in the bathtub and having that moment of compassion for herself, my heart went “ohhhhh, it’s okay to have these moments on occasion?” I’m so hard on my Self and I don’t allow shit in my life, which is such an unachievable standard that I don’t expect from anyone else. Treating myself with the same acceptance and compassion I yield to others is something I struggle with, reminders in any and all forms are always a point of relief. Thank you.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Yes, it’s absolutely okay for all of us to have these moments, Terra! We can be so hard on ourselves when we’re feeling down or stuck, and this is exactly when we need that gentleness and self-compassion the most. We’re glad to hear this reminder was a relief for you.

  30. Wow, Ladies. You really tapped into what I am feeling. So authentic and funny and TRUE! Thank you. Between life transformations I want and keeping up with the house and my offspring and my health I end up being pretty harsh with myself and not even realizing it. AND I AM A COACH WHO TEACHES SELF-CARE FIRST!!! AHHHH!
    So many things spoke to me.
    The fact that I don’t have to have had a NDE or some disastrous event in my life to have a valid voice is one of the biggies for me. THANK YOU! I have had plenty of challenges and my voice and story are valuable for connection with others.
    Danielle-wanting to hit the yoga teacher? HILARIOUS! LOL

    I promise myself to stop trying so hard. I love the analogy of the leaf in the water. Thank you, again, lovely, real women, Marie and Danielle

  31. Bobbi

    I loved everything Danielle had to say… it all resonated deeply. But the most powerful thing was when she said she told herself something she had never said before… “You poor thing”…, When I heard that, I cried HARD. I have had a life of trials and was raised to be strong and keep going no matter what. The thought of saying to myself what I would surely say to someone else had never dawned on me. I too have no patience for a victim mentality and I guess thought if I acknowledged my hardships or “felt sorry for myself”, I would be playing victim. So I never went there.
    I think saying “you poor thing” to myself today, allowed me to show compassion to myself and feel proud for getting through the rough patches.
    I lost my sister at young age, my husband had a massive stroke, then 2 years later had a heart attack and passed away. I am a breast cancer survivor, a single mom and most recently lost my corporate job of 21 years and am currently unemployed. Each one of those things (and there are more), have repercussions to deal with- financial, emotional, physical… so my life has not been an easy one. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s time for me to start giving “that very special gift that only I have”!

    Starting now, I will have more compassion for myself and stop thinking that everything that has happened is not a big deal… that everyone has hardships so suck it up and move on. It IS a big deal… and I have done an amazing job of getting through it all!!! (I’ve never said anything like that to myself!).
    So this is my 1st day of being compassionate to myself! I feel lighter. I am so grateful for this lesson today.
    Thank you Danielle for being so honest and Maria for creating this forum.

  32. Danielle LaPorte

    Love to everyone for showing up here. So gorgeous. xo

    • Nihal Schawky

      Thanks for this very real and true podcast. It confirmed many of my feelings and thoughts lately. Personally it’s true there is no one way of reaching wherever we need to be! All ways and roads will lead there. It is the journey of growth and development after all. Main thing is the intention of wanting good starting with self, the world and humanity and being open to whatever comes our way. “It is what it is” and trying to just acknowledge the facts then work with
      what’s on our plate with best intentions is enough and it’s the process of life and living. If we can function day to day then we are on the right track if we are not in a good place let’s just not give up and know that the world is cycles of ups and downs. And I guess we are not alone there. Thanks to all
      the free attempts to offer helping hands on line and everywhere around us. I think the world is evolving to be better and this universal consciousness is paying of. On last thing it’s a big open menu and we get to choose or not 🌈💜🦋🌠

  33. Joy

    This was good. I’ve cried many days and most of the time when I would look myself in the mirror I would say “you cry everyday and it’s okay each tear does make you stronger and as much as it hurts, there are lessons to be learnt” – only to realize today after listening to this podcast that, that was me being compassionate and for a moment loving me. Marie & Danielle, thank you so much. You uplift us as women in what you do and keep doing it, bless ’em souls!

  34. Hi there,
    Thank you for sharing this. I don’t know Danielle all that well, but I have seen some of her “truth bombs” floating around the Internet. It’s funny, she speaks about “watered down” spirituality, but when I first came across these, that is what I saw them for. But I didn’t know her. I realise that is just one perception, and it was just a passing perception, not one that I am attached to. I sense she is doing good work in the world.

    But there are some missing pieces for me.

    I find that there’s quite a bit of judgement in her conversation with Marie. She says that you cannot judge where someone is on their path – so true. But then she expresses strong displeasure and distaste for those who “overshare” their traumas in a public space. She speaks about deep positivity, but she doesn’t seem to embrace all the variance and nuance and unknowables of life. For example, sharing trauma – whatever it is for someone is their own choice, and in some circles it is necessary to share a trauma. For example, in the yoga world, one that I have been a part of for many years, there is a lot of sexual misconduct. Women are beginning to share this “trauma.” Is this a bad thing, should we sweep it under the carpet?

    Why is it Danielle’s place to regulate that or judge what a trauma is for a person? Has she done research into trauma? I see her distaste for certain contemporary circles of spirituality, and I have been there. At the same time, I sense so much judgement coming from her.

    A lot of things she says to me are great. We can’t be addicted to the forms of our spirituality, the disciplines of our routines, the perfection and the container of it all. At the same time, formal practice is a ritual for many people. And many of us need that ritual.

    I also don’t the sense that she’s done a great deal of reading. She doesn’t cite any research. That’s fine. Someone can transmit experience, truth and wisdom without doing a lot of research into traditions and psychotherapy. She can speak from experience, and many will resonate with that.

    She speaks of her initiation into yoga circles, but I don’t get the sense that she speaks with any deep knowledge of Buddhist and Hindu traditions. For that reason, some of what she offers here feels shallow to me. That’s not wrong. It sort of feels like a girlfriend that I would talk to with over a glass of wine. At the same time, I really yearn for a deeper kind of wisdom that embraces research and sustained practice over time. I may be judging here myself. She may be a very solid practitioner. But she mentions not being attached to an outcome. This is directly from the Bhagavad Gita. So it would be nice if this were acknowledged that this non-attachment to an outcome comes from a spiritual tradition and a beautiful book of poetry and insight.

    You can love yourself, or love yourself when you hate yourself, as she says, but again, from where I am hearing this, it is like she is talking all about “the self.”

    In Buddhist traditions, as in Yoga there is an awareness in most authentic practices, that we have selves and identities. But the practice involves movement beyond the individual self, the individual story. Yes, we all are individuals, and we can love ourselves as individuals, we can forgive ourselves, we can have our own paths, we can have individual movement in the world. But we also need to see the place of tradition and community in this framework. In Hindu and Buddhist practice, there is a move beyond the small self towards the bigger self, the Atman or the no-self. Community is essential in awakening. I don’t hear her talking about tradition and community as holy. Again, her story is one of the self. Well, what about the transpersonal self, the non-self, the Oversoul? She speaks of Jesus as her man, but then where are the teachings here about loving others?

    I don’t see she that she is transmitting that. Of course we have to love the self, accept the self’s foibles and all of it. But there’s more to the picture. We do that so that we can accept others and love others. I could be wrong, this is, as I admit, only one perspective. And my perspective is limited.

    There’s so much in contemporary spirituality that is all about the self. This concerns me. It isn’t that we can’t love ourselves, but that love for oneself might be connected deeply in community, in tradition, in family.

    Anyway, this is a complex topic. I enjoyed this talk, and I really do admire you Marie. And my appreciation is there for Danielle too. She’s certainly made a name for herself and it’s great that she’s growing and learning and sharing her truth.

    Love, Nancy

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your valuable perspective on these topics here. We absolutely believe in the importance of sharing trauma in a safe space, and giving credit where credit is due, as well. This conversation was intended to share about Danielle’s personal journey and insights, in the hopes that it would encourage and inspire others. Since she and Marie are so close, it’s more of a casual “fireside chat” between friends about their own experiences, as opposed to something more formally researched.

      It sounds like you have a lot of fantastic knowledge on this topic, and we’re so grateful for you listening and sharing your insights!

  35. Deep breath. Thank you, thank you, thank you both for this very potent piece. Every bit of this interview resonated deeply within me. I was introduced to New Age as a child from my ever-seeking-to-get-better-and-be-happy mother…and as an adult, I carried forth the legacy (and lie) that we are broken and unworthy until we find the answers, get the guru (and in my case, good/perfect enough). I’m fucking exhausted. Yet so relieve to hear teachers out there sharing this most empowering message. It’s right here within us! I can’t wait to read Danielle’s book. Thank you again x

  36. thank you for the podcast, it is nice to give myself permission to realize that what I do for myself is enough.

  37. Amy

    This podcast is just what I needed! I loved so many parts…especially how I need to have more compassion for myself, and being super human. I give myself such a hard time for not moving faster or quicker in trying to get my new business going. I compare myself to others. I do question if my meditation is working, or when will what I vision for my life arrive. I need to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can, that I’ve accomplished so much so far, and that everything will come, if I just believe and accept.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Beautiful Amy, we’re happy to hear this is just what you needed! We can be so hard on ourselves, and celebrating all that we’ve already achieved is SO important.

  38. Jackie

    There are so many teachers, coaches and thought leaders that talk about abundance in terms of finances and money. They make it seem like if you are not in tune with riches and materialism, then you have money blocks that you need working out. I actually had an abundance coach tell me that all I had to do was manifest her 5K fee and I would then attract all the money I ever could want!
    Sure, abundance is limitless. Yet, we possess inside of us a limitless source of abundance. I resonate with the fact that it’s not about the bling on the outside. We need to go within. This podcast made me stop in my tracks and start practising more self-compassion. As a single mom, every day I go full out; I work full-time, raise my infant son and work on my hustle on the side. I can shelter myself from the rain. I can invite myself in for a cup of tea and a chat. I can forgive myself if my endless to-do list doesn’t get done.
    Danielle’s honesty (and occasional swear-bubble ha ha ha) is genuinely appreciated. I’m learning now to tune out the abundance snake-oil salespeople and to go within. I am indeed my own guru.

  39. Sarah

    I feel like I heard this at exactly the right time. I realised this morning that I’m finally on the ‘happy journey’ that everyone says is required for the happy destination. I haven’t started earning yet, but I’m building my business from scratch, and I quit my soul-sucking 9-5 to do it. It’s super scary in theory, but at a soul level I’m so calm. Hearing Marie and Danielle discuss the reality of spiritual progress felt very authentic at this time. I really resonated with the idea of self compassion, baby steps and leaving out the comparison. Thank you ladies, love your work xoxo

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Awesome Sarah, keep on following that happy journey! It’s wonderful that you’re feeling calm at the soul level as you take these big steps, that’s such a good sign. Glad this came at the right time for you!

  40. Cindy

    I have to admit something…I bought Danielle’s previous books and planner and listened and listened to what came after the Desire Map book and finally I just couldn’t do it anymore and I had to totally disconnect due to complete emotional and mental exhaustion from trying to absorb all the info and implement the changes that would make-bring-change me to…’fill in the blank’. I had to just go back to living my perfectly imperfect life one day at a time and absorbing my perfectly imperfect life one day at a time and realizing that no one book or enlightened or motivating speaker was ever going to put the period on my journey or personal growth during my lifetime, only I would be the one to do that and my hope is that that will happen only at the very end. So I went back to listening but not taking it upon myself to be implementing…just letting things percolate and when, and even more importantly IF, the time was right what I had heard or read that touched me or resonated with me might just become a part of me. I decided it needed to be effortless and sincere and not about someone’s else vision of me, but my own vision of me who when the time is right taps into the amazing and wonderful energies out there in the world offered by people whose hearts are truly into helping others in their journey by virtue of what they have learned on their way through the world. Openness became redefined and once again became fulfilling instead of overwhelming. I am looking forward to the new book Danielle! You have a way with truths that we often share but can’t put into words! Thank you both for your contributions Marie and Danielle, they are magnificent!

  41. Annie

    Thanks Marie, thanks Danielle – what synchronicity!
    I’ve just been delving deep into mindful self-compassion! Spent much of yesterday watching vids of Kristin Neff explaining the merits of self-compassion. It came about after a psychologist friend of mine told me about a Mindful Self-Compassion course that she’d found particularly helpful… and I had an instant “hit” that this was something hugely important for me.

    So much of what Danielle and you were talking about here resonates with me. Yes, we all know it’s unhealthy and unhelpful to wallow in self-pity – but taken to extremes, the taboo on feelings of victim-hood; of feeling hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, resentful … etc. etc. even when we are deep in the poo zone – leads us to forbidding ourselves to be kind to ourselves, to be real with and about our pain. “What we resist, persists” … so we are told – yet we are somehow not permitted to acknowledge our pain or accept that we are in pain. Would be so cruel to someone else? Of course not … (well, we might be a tad intolerant sometimes because of all the positive thinking and “must get ourselves into a higher vibration” stuff we’ve been exposed to – but that aside, we are much kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves). And the irony is that the more that we’re able to accept our pain and say the “of course”, the better equipped we become to self-soothe, self-comfort, let go and move on.

    So I’ve drawn one of those metaphorical lines in the sand and doing my best to be kinder to myself – bring more self-compassion and less of that harsh self-berating, self-critical, self-diminishing self-judgement.

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Annie, so powerful when that synchronicity happens, isn’t it? Self-compassion is something that so many of us could stand to focus a lot more on, by acknowledging and accepting our pain unconditionally. Love what you shared here about drawing a line in the sand for yourself – keep up the kindness!

  42. Michelle

    Big A-Ha for me is dark motivation. By stepping back when I get that skin crawly feeling in my body, I am actually being compassionate to myself. Only I get to make the call for me. LOVED this conversation!!!

  43. Tammar Stubblefield

    Wow, what a great session! So much of it resonated with me from beginning to end…gonna get Danielle’s book White Hot Truth! It was all great and what was impactful for me were the 3 lies of inadequacy, authority and affiliation as well as attachment and detachment. Those topics enlightened me to where I still give my personal power away and when I can improve or avoid going to those behaviors that hold me back from being my lovable, capable, whole and MAGNIFICENT self even when I am messy or showing/experiencing a facet of myself that I don’t like.

    Thank you for sharing!

    Have a wondrous and beautiful day! 😊❤️

  44. I loved the realization that it’s ok if you don’t get the thing that’s on your vision board–you’ll be ok. This is tough to accept, but everyone has had the experience of not getting what they wanted, and carried on anyway, and probably then gotten something, somewhere, that they wasn’t even on the radar, and it was really super fantastic.
    Self-compassion is a new practice for me, but I find it’s really made a lot of change in how I view myself and others. I read Kristen Neff’s book, Self-compassion, and it taught me quite a bit. A great guide for everyone. Get it from your library.

  45. Lori

    Oh you beautiful Souls, you!!
    I had already Facebooked (I am old, it is still ‘my place’) that ‘THE best self help is self compassion!!’. A Mom friend and I have been talking about this for a few weeks now. When a flower blooms does it apologize for not blooming enough or blooming too big? Do we look at the bloom and see it as anything less than lovely?! No, we are ONLY that cruel to ourselves. Much like your example of giving that love to a girl friend, as a Mom we would NEVER say ‘Oh honey, you look awful in that, you are such a failure’, but we do that to ourselves.

    This is some mind bending, redefining wisdom that I NEED my head and heart to both hear and process. Thank you for putting it another way to drive the point home!

    Much love, from one weary but inspired soul! XO

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Lori! Thank you for sharing this flower metaphor – it’s so very true. We’re exactly perfect where we are and how we are right now, each of us gorgeous and unique. So happy you found this conversation inspiring. You’re absolutely lovely 🙂

  46. Ann Lagar

    I myself have been on a hardcore self help journey these past 5 years. And…this year I have been feeling burnt out. Thank you for Being real. The message that I have been feeling, internally hearing and screaming…lol…is that I have everything I need or require inside of me and no need to look further. So…one of the ways that I am going to be compassionate with myself is to really pay myself with all due respect and follow my own inner guidance…even when part me of is telling me contrary. Thank you again Danielle and Marie.

  47. Today I was in a place (as I often am) of feeling that something I craved for myself was wrong, bad, stupid, counterproductive, illogical, etc. After listening, I realized that if a friend came to me with these thoughts, I’d be totally supportive of that friend doing what s/he needed to without feeling bad about it. I have to say that there are many times I’ve applied self-compassion without even thinking about it, but there are just as many missed opportunities. I can be on the watch for feelings of guilt and inadequacy to alert me to those opportunities. Thank you for another thought-provoking discussion.

  48. Tracy Holmes

    I have always been told by others that I am a deeply caring person. If a friend showed up at my door and needed me, or my kid needed his mom, no questions asked, I would drop everything and be there for them. But it doesn’t always occur to me to be that caring person for myself, to be my own best friend. The caregivers of this world are sometimes the ones that need the most caring, and this is a good reminder that it’s okay, even paramount, and definitely not selfish, to turn some of that good lovin’ towards ourselves. Gracias, amor y besos a las dos…

  49. My favorite bit from this podcast was Danielle’s assertion that, “The trust is the lubricant for things happening.” Having been through some sticky situations over the past ten years, I can tell you that is the absolute truth. Sometimes when I’m in the middle of a “scene,” as Marie so aptly put it, I feel like In suspended animation, just trusting without a clue how things can ever work themselves out. (But they do.)

    As for a previous comment that Danielle isn’t following Jesus because she speaks of self-love instead of the love of others, Jesus’ Great Commandment is to love others as ourselves, not to love others instead of ourselves. We need to love ourselves!

    By the way, I’m a Catholic, too, and I love Jesus. He is the way, the truth, and the life.

    Thank you for this excellent podcast, Marie. Danielle is right; you truly are integrity in motion.

    (Side note: I’m in B-School, and enrolling was the best decision I’ve made in a good long time.)

  50. My aha moment was hearing that it’s okay if what’s on the vision board doesn’t work out, you are still important and talented and valid.
    I’ve always struggled – and even felt disgust to anyone that said make a vision board! ugh. Why do I resist this idea? Because my pride didn’t want to see me self sabotage my goals.
    I don’t want to see my friends self sabotage so why do I do it? So I learned I need to work on why I self sabotage.
    Thanks for sharing your truths so we can see our own truths.

  51. Megan

    Ladies, this 🙌🏻. I couldn’t put words to my current spiritual experience but this is it. I hope you can all feel my gratitude from here.

  52. Marie, thanks for doing this with Danielle.
    She is definitely bringing up some important points. Esp the spiritual bypass elements. And the need for getting into the poop.

    I’m curious, if Marie would be interested in ever exploring why self-compassion can backfire quite badly with people who have grown up in homes wherein they were never nurtured and loved, properly. In other words, adults who were brought up with parents who dosed out a lot of toxic shame and abuse? Basically, Trauma.

    Just putting that out there, as it is a massive portion of the population and I still haven’t heard this topic covered in Marie TV.

    Irene <3

  53. The biggest distinction for me from this conversation is that ‘you’re doing the best you can.’ You don’t have to have the perfect morning routine, evening routine, hour of meditation, yoga regiment or even social calendar. So many of us who are in the self-help world are the hardest on ourselves and most caught up with it.

    While I’d say I’m more driven by my mother, one thing I secretly admire in her is her ability to choose happiness by just doing what she loves. She doesn’t put crazy pressure on herself or listen to a million podcasts, she just gardens, rows, enjoys her job, and spends time over dinner with her husband.

    One way I can be more compassionate to myself is just by immersing myself in the things and people I love and allowing that to sometimes be enough.

    • I meant “more driven than my mother” not by her…ha!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      I love this outlook Alexis. It sounds like your mum has got it going on! It also sounds like you’re working on striking a beautiful balance between continually growing and evolving, and allowing the people and things in your life that you love (yourself included!) to be enough. You are enough, and we’re so glad you’re in our world!

  54. YES! Wow, I am so very grateful for this message- I have been experiencing the same thing myself. I left organized religion 8 years ago, and found myself experiencing exactly the things Danielle expressed. It’s so refreshing to hear someone else speak a lot of the things I’ve been experiencing, much of what I’ve felt uncomfortable admitting, or sharing with others. I have shared with a few, but it’s been hard for me to even identify what I’ve been experiencing.

    Let it be messy! Yes. This reminds me of a great book I’ve been reading as well – Debbie Ford – Dark Side of The Light Chasers.

  55. JENNIFER

    This was all so good that it’s hard to pick just one. I liked the description of the difference between detached and non-attached is very powerful. It was also really nice to have confirmation that it’s ok to tell myself it’s ok! At times I’ve felt I was just copping out by telling myself I’d done the best with what I had at the time and I love that you want people to not just know, but see where you were when first starting out. Also especially powerful to me is being ok with possibly writing or speaking something now that 10 years down the line–or sooner!–she might not think the same way or have to recant what she’s saying. I love it! The whole episode is poignant, And I plan to share with many. Thank you!

  56. What a relief!!!! That so resonates with me right now! I’m writing this with tears in my eyes… Thank you so so much for this podcast episode! I struggle a lot these days and almost judge myself with raising questions within me like ‘Why can’t I make it to doing meditations twice a day…?’ ‘Why am I still having limiting beliefs…?’ ‘Why can’t I just belief and trust that everything will turn out exactly as it should…?’ … and so on. Thank you so much! Self-Compassion will be my new Mantra!

    Love Melanie

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Melanie,
      We’re so so glad that this episode resonated with you. You are absolutely enough, what you’re doing is enough, who you’re being is enough. There isn’t a giant barometer out there measuring us all up to each other; instead, let’s work on celebrating where we all are at any given moment, and deepening the compassion and love we hold for ourselves and one another. You’re doing the best you can, and we’re cheering you on!

  57. Hi ladies,
    I hope I can add some value here, and perhaps a different perspective on detachment as Danielle has described. I’ll give you a recent example that might illustrate what detachment “looks” and “feels” like to me.

    A few months ago, I had felt inspired to finally teach a workshop on Deepak Chopra’s book “Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” at a local yoga studio. From the moment I spoke it out to someone at the studio, it all fell into place very easily and effortlessly, leading me to believe it was meant to happen.

    I was really excited, as this had been a book I wanted to teach on (and had referenced in other presentations) for many years. Everyone I felt inspired to mention this workshop to at the studio seemed very interested, and I even had a few confirmed enrollments. Within the next few weeks, it completely began to fall flat, and I felt this heaviness about the workshop. I felt weird resistance when sharing about it at the center, and people no longer seemed interested. I had some of my favorite teachers there even share it with their class so as to get out of my own way, assuming that might be the case. Nobody else was enrolling. I had made the decision that if I couldn’t get at least 5 people to enroll, it really wasn’t worth my time and energy to follow through with the workshop.
    So here’s my understanding of detachment into action. Was I confused, frustrated, and feeling disappointment that this event that seemed like it was meant to happen, started to “spin around” and then feel completely opposite? Absolutely! Was I feeling some inadequacy and rejection around it? Yes.
    Fortunately in this case, even though doing the workshop had been a “far off intention” for years, it wasn’t this intense goal I had been working towards for months and months. I was therefore able to more easily detach from the outcome. I’m not sure how I came to this place of surrender, but within the last week of enrollment time, I did.
    Detaching from it didn’t mean I was cold and didn’t care at all about the outcome. It didn’t mean that I gave up completely – I was still prepared to do it, and even made last week announcements and followed through with some promotions. What I did surrender to was the inner knowing that even though I had absolutely no idea why this felt so “right” and then didn’t look as if it would work out as I thought, perhaps there was some other higher purpose for that I wouldn’t understand until later on, or maybe never at all. I just accepted things as they were, and had worked through the surrounding emotions more easily than I typically do with things like this.
    To me, detachment is essentially a process (sometimes a back and forth one) where I can begin to let go of a gnawing obsession or rigid attachment to a specific outcome, and allow things to unfold naturally without my having to be in control and the “all knowing” one of what’s best for everyone and everything. It doesn’t mean that I don’t still have a hope that it will work as I’d like, just as detaching from an alcoholic getting sober doesn’t mean that I don’t still love them, care about them, and hope they will someday get sober and healthy – it means I am no longer “pulled” and “consumed” by it to the point where I become insane and dysfunctional myself.

    • Scott Engler

      Ironic, i had paused the video to write this, and after posting, found that Danielle’s description of “deep positivity” was how I’ve described “detachment.” Ah, us humans (particularly writers) and our love for certain words and semantics. Thank you Danielle for your message 🙂

      • Jillian - Team Forleo

        Scott,
        Thank you so much for sharing this story. This absolutely illustrates Danielle’s idea of non-attachment in action; essentially letting go of the ‘how’, and believing deeply in the ‘why’. And no matter what words you use to describe it, it sounds like you’re learning the value of putting in valiant work, and ultimately surrendering to the Universe. We’re so glad this concept brought up a useful discussion for you!

  58. The shared wisdom was awesome. Yet, it was difficult to remain attracted to D. cause she was making a lot of self talks for the sake of talking. I like shortcuts. Love the idea of podcasting. Never would I be able to lighten the room visually like Marie. Amazing. Always makes me smile. Thank you.

  59. Scott Engler

    I loved the end the most – of Danielle’s experience with self compassion.
    I experienced something similar a few years ago on a profound level, and wish I could say I’ve regularly practiced since, but it’s not my default setting. I have a long way to go.

    I can start being more compassionate to myself by doing the same thing Danielle was mentioning – I can practice speaking to myself in the 3rd person as I would to someone I deeply loved and cared about. Meet myself exactly where I’m at, in all the confusion, doubt, frustration, and pain and say – “It’s okay to feel this way.” “I love you.” and hold space for myself to be present with myself in this way.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      I love that you’re already thinking of some action steps to implement here Scott! Being your own best friend, and holding the space for self compassion, understanding, and patience is so vital to your own growth. We’re so glad this discussion brought up some inspiration in you; thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  60. What mattered the most – love myself where I am! Do not compare myself with the journey of others. Overall loved everything that Danielle & Marie discussed.

  61. Hi there!! Everything Danielle talked about is found in the person of Christ…HE had no judgement, no pressure, no religious BS, but HE did, has, and will always have compassion, unconditional LOVE, acceptance, and HIS Grace which has “nothing” to do with our performance; therefore, that’s what we need to have ourselves. Christ brought us Grace, organized religion brought us works! Great job Daniella, and Marie as well for keeping it REAL. Giselle from Miami❤️

  62. Karen Marsh

    There are so many things that touched a cord. The one that stands out is to have compassion for oneself. Be your own best friend. We so often put ourselves down and highlight all the things we didn’t do or could have done better. I have realised I do this to myself and the fact that I make every effort to live in the present moment and to catch those times when I am not being my best friend has made a difference in how I see myself and feel about myself.

  63. Hi Marie,
    This podcast and interview really hit home for me on so many levels. I am a maker of music and I often find myself with-holding my voice and gifts, as I fall for the lies that you and Danielle discussed….the lie of inadequacy, authority, etc. I find myself wanting to begin on a path of sharing but hesitate as my work is not “instagram worthy”. My inner voice tells me that the world might benefit from a bit more imperfection and transparency. I cherish the early work that you both (as my mentors) have left up on the web, for it shows me your starting points and offers me examples of creating and sharing and courage. I wrote a song called “Possibility” that touches upon ideas of letting ourselves unfold naturally, allowing ourselves to stop the pushing and instead be pulled. It is a softer way, a way of grace and faith. I offer it up in all its I-phone recording imperfection as an example of how I might love myself today. I hope that each of us find that what we make and who we are is “good enough” just as it is….. Thanks so much for sharing yourself with us.

  64. Pam

    I keep running into the paradox space ;-). Love the idea of leaning into the vision without holding to a firm outcome. I call it an adjustable plan. My example is going for a horseback ride. I go to put a saddle on my horse but I can’t catch him. Now, my goal is to figure out the best way to catch my horse. IF I give up the goal of going for a ride, I may end up with the very best relationship, a horse that loves being caught. Wouldn’t I rather ride a horse that loves to be caught?
    Around self-love, I have a young dog who is a challenge for me. In the process of working with him, I have found I need to be gentle with me before I can be gentle with him. It’s like the airline lesson, put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.
    And then reality comes in and teaches me all this stuff over again 😉

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Pam!
      Reality comes in and teaches us this concept every day of our lives. I think recognizing that, embracing it, and being open to a lifelong journey of learning sets us up for even more patience, compassion, joy, and success. I love your examples of the horse and your pup, and we’re so glad Danielle and Marie’s words hit home for you!

  65. Jamee

    I had a lot of “big aha” moments in this segment. One was realizing I’ve surrounded myself with support that believes in me and sees me the way I WISH I saw myself, instead of believing my own feelings and believing in myself. I almost wait to see if they think I’m a good singer, or a good teacher, instead of believing/ knowing I am.
    The second was realizing that I detach for not only my own personal goals but also with relationships as I become closer to someone. I have learned and grown to follow the non attachment method, when it comes to my relationships (through trial and error). I was still stuck and was unable to see I was still detaching from my own dreams and goals, and it has had such a negative impact on my motivation! I couldn’t pin point my issue until I heard, “you have to believe you deserve the things that you want” that part (I apologize if the exact wording is wrong) resonated with me, and made me really think about if I believed that or not.
    The last thing I realized is on my worst days, I always wish someone (on the outside) would be more empathetic or concerned for me and my well being. NEVER did I ever think I could give myself more empathy or compassion (on the inside) I would become harder on myself for not having the answers to solve my own problems.
    I am going to try to incorporate “self compassion” into my life immediately. I have a habit of almost fighting myself and my inner most feelings/thoughts, possibly because those have some negative memories attatched to them. I would try to be tough and “push through” to the next step or next day. Not only had this exhausted me, it had made me at times unpleasant and uncaring, often disrespectful. That isn’t who I like to be or even want to be! When you aren’t caring, respectful and passionate towards yourself, how do you lead a life being that way towards others? It’s like being two different people, opposite sides of the spectrum. I want to be a mix because I like to be pushed but I also need the same amount of love and empathy. I think what I have realized is that I can push myself but I never showed myself that same amount of love and empathy. I am actually really excited to have this knowledge to use and adapt to make my life more balanced. This was extremely helpful and I look forward to taking action and responsibility, in my life!!!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Jamee,
      This is such an incredible revelation. It sounds like you’re truly ready to not only push yourself forward, but support yourself through love, compassion, and understanding as well. It’s that ‘anti-striving’ that Danielle talks about, that ‘allowing’ that she references, where you can know your desires and where you want to go without having to struggle to get there. Your big heart will relish the chance to start practicing self compassion. We’re so glad this interview spoke to on such a deep level!

  66. Why do some people get what is on their vision board and some people do not? And how do you not want…what you want?

  67. I really like Danielle for her honesty and authenticity. In this spirit, Marie, a small feedback: please ask your team to change your picture on this post, it has a micro-expression of contempt. You don’t want this to be associated with your brand. You are more than that. I love you.

  68. It’s interesting, when Danielle was talking about detached/non-attached, it resonated with me. Intuitively I know it is a lie if I “act” like it would be no big deal to not get something I’m dreaming about having. I think, looking back, it was something I learned when I was young, feeling the disappointment and realizing I had had a “worried” feeling underneath about not getting something I had wanted. I learned to let go of that “worried” feeling and although I sincerely wanted what I wanted, it wasn’t apart of me through the fear of not getting it. Reversely, I also have a knowing when something is strongly wrong for me, a job, a relationship, in circumstances beyond my control, I have asked for it to be removed. When everyone else at work acts as if the “status quo” is normal but I can see how cunningly poisonous the results are from the “status quo”. I have experienced the manifestation of removal, again without a fear of it not happening.
    When Danielle talked about one way to be compassionate to myself, was to tell myself the opposite of what I’m feeling or how I’m being, I realized I am not the sum person when I’m in that ugly place. The remedy during those times is to tell myself who I am when I’m in those places of light. To be a friend to myself. I will remember this.
    Thank you so much for this pod cast, bless you both.
    XOXO

  69. Holy shit. Emphasis on the ‘holy.’ And the shit. Have lots to acknowledge on what’s been said here, though want to zero in on one thing–many many people are proselytizing, pushing their prayers, mantras, formulas (“motivational hype” as Danielle said) online without going deep and embodying the teachings we ‘borrow’ from. I too am on social media building my brand as many of us are here, though lately I’ve been realizing that we (and I include myself in this) aren’t giving ourselves/myself the time to listen and understand the teachings as we’re/I’m too busy pushing stuff out. We’re at stake here. Humanity is at stake here, and we need to slow the freak down. Stop putting out and begin to allow in, and expand. And, yes, love the freak out of yourself.

  70. Carla Leversedge

    Thank you for making this into a podcast. I loved listening to it whilst walking my dogs! So much good stuff here that resonated with me.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Aw, love this, Carla! So glad to hear you enjoyed this interview. I love listening while walking my dogs too 🙂

  71. This conversation just made me calm all the way the f@%$ down and breathe.
    We are all on our journeys, there are no wrong or right answers, just chill…it’s ok!!
    Thank you ladies!!

  72. Laura

    Thank you Marie, thank you Danielle…this interview made me cry -isn’t it amazing when you get to hear the right things at the right time – it really boosts my faith, that all is divinely orchestrated. I have been walking around overwhelmed for few days, I have been taking all the self-growth opportunities coming my way and started to feel so anxious that I was not up to speed with it all. Even though I live an abundant life I often feel if my bank account or social media does not depict it in numbers, I must be a fraud…but I am doing my best and I want to help others, and help to create the Earth Garden – World, Natural environment that is nurturing the body and soul of everyone, but here I also learn that I do not need to save the world – I need to be compassionate towards myself to start with… <3

  73. Tahleah

    The most important insight I received from this amazing and REAL episode was the quote by Danielle “My most enlightened moments have been my human moments.”

    I am so tired of people denying humanness, and this has been a long journey (still continuing) for me to realise the absolute contrast of life, embracing it all and being real! In my words dealing with your shit! Feeling it all.
    I used to reframe every negative thought, until it got to a point my coach banned me from reframing, because we both knew I wasn’t truly feeling the emotion, even though I thought I was. The healing has been in the moments I have surrendered to the moment, the seemingly ‘negative’ and that’s why those words from Danielle about human moments and enlightenment resonate so much with me.

    Self-compassion is truly the medicine I believe. I am always finding ways I can be more accepting and loving of myself. Just now, maintaining focus one step at a time, in order to avoid the ‘snowball’ of anxiety that comes from having a lot ‘to do’ and high expectations.

    I totally get that shit is hard!
    For me specifically, running and trying to build a long term sustainable coaching business that’s very close to my heart, at the same time contracting work for a dance studio company and choreographer, as well as maintaining a base level income from waitering; its freakin hard to balance that and my own space and wellbeing. It’s real! But I believe acknowledgement is the most important step to begin applying a little self-compassion.
    Acknowledge what IS real, feel it, surrender and then take action. You can’t positively think it away, you have to be honest, with yourself!

  74. Jackie

    I was up listening to this in those dark early hours, when vibrations are really low and things feel very bad and dark. I was thinking ‘how bad does it have to get?’ and that this all has to be part of my story, right? Good to know that doesn’t have to be the case and I can stop waiting around for my story to get worse ! I’m one to listen to the problems of others, and advise them, comfort them, tell them it’s all going to be ok. But I never afford myself the same compassion.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Yes, Jackie! We’re so glad this message found you when you needed it the most. We often give so much love, support, and compassion to others that we forget how to be gentle with ourselves. You’re so not alone and we’re grateful to have you here.

  75. The idea of becoming my own best friend was ground breaking and for me it happened at a Fearless Foundation Workshop taught by Rhonda Britten. I had heard “love yourself”, but Fearless Living showed me what that looks like with tools and exercises that I can call up even in moments of stress or sadness. That is why I became a Certified Fearless Living Coach – so I can help others learn to be nice to themselves.
    The other thing I’ve come to realize is that all the voices coming at me must come thru the filter of how I talk to myself, so if I’m always beating up on myself and hating myself, how can I trust you when you say you like me? There must be something wrong with you, is the conclusion I come to when hating on myself. To feel loved by others, I must learn what it feels like to love myself so that I can have a loving filter for all the others voices to come thru.
    And, of course, this filter of self-compassion must include a way to evaluate whether others are trustworthy without me being paranoid. It’s all there in Fearless Living. Thank you both for sharing this powerful conversation about self-compassion and the vicious practice of comparison.
    Although once I’m your coach, I’m always your coach; my Intention is to help you become self-sufficient by building your support team. I can be available for a boost every now & then if needed (& we all need an occasional boost); however I want your primary support to be your friends and the team you build, not stay dependent on your coach.

  76. Kendall

    The interview keeps cutting out and stops playing, so I’m not able to listen to it in full.

  77. Wow. 1)The 3 different lies we’ve been told!! They resonate so much. Every day I keep (re)learning and I keep reminding myself that I am a creative being and an artist, but since I grew up in a family where art is no symbol of success, so I subconsciously find myself in a place where I don’t believe in myself or I tell myself I don’t have discipline, or everyone’s way ahead of me already, or I just don’t believe I deserve anything… it’s so hard. And naturally, I am extra hard on myself, but usually that never gets me nowhere.
    2)Don’t compare yourself with others’ journey. I do that all the time for the same reasons I mentioned. I still feel acting or performing is so outside of myself and I keep looking for validation in all kinds of people and jobs and classes, but deep down I know I should probably believe more in my capability of learning quickly and enjoying this path I chose, because I do feel a kind of certainty that keeps me going. 3) Be your own best friend. I could absolutely be more compassionate with myself. The comparison of how we treat a friend in need is very on point. My mind is so “achievement ” orientated that I can be very self destructive and my usual reaction is to detach. Close myself. Numb myself off until I fall asleep. My friend already know this pattern of mine and she always makes me get out and join her in whatever she’s doing, and I have only realized this pattern thanks to her. I have been unaware of it for the longest time… Now I try to make use of that energy, whenever I feel it coming. And I have purposely given it an artistic approach: drawing and dancing. I can sit for 2 hours following a drawing tutorial and be impressed with what I am capable of creating. I go to a zumba workout class and connect with the music and fly to another dimension. Little by little creating healthy habits. Thank you for this beautiful talk Marie. I’ve follow you since I decided to create my own path embracing my creativity, 5 years ago, and now that I look back, I am pretty amazed at all the things I have achieved. You’re definitely a role model. Blessings!

  78. I’m All in, but Yet detached from the Outcome! As we stand before the “Cosmic Counsel.” (I like that) It’s nice to see and hear someone identifying how we all come with a lil judgment towards others, but being able to recognize it and call yourself on it…is integrity! Love that she was unafraid to admit to the current truth of her Privilege!
    ~ Jo Grace
    “I live by Faith, and Trust the Process”

  79. Suzanne

    Thank you, Marie and Danielle!
    Insight: The ultimate self-compassion is when you can love yourself when you hate yourself. I tend to stop doing the things that make me feel good about myself exactly when I need them (i.e. when I’m giving myself a hard time, feeling down or when things are tough).
    How can I be more self-compassionate right now? Keep reminding myself that I’m doing the best I can (and have always done the best I can) and that it is more than enough.
    Thank you xxxx

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      That’s it, Suzanne! Our best, each day, is all we can give, and it’s enough. You’re so right– when we need self compassion the most is often when it’s the hardest for us to give, but it all comes down to “progress not perfection”, as Marie says, and we’re all simply practicing together. Thanks for sharing.

  80. Ketsela

    Thaks a lot, Marie. It was an awesome interview! I loved it so much. One of the most read books, Bible says: “Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.” The first step to do that is merged in this verse, to know how to love yourself. That is the standard to do it right, according to the verse, as it is clear that we can’t love others if we don’t know how to love ourselves in the first place. The same is true with self-compassion.

  81. Thank you Marie and Danielle, nice to hear hear your open end honest commments. i love it when people are transparent and that even you guys have the hard moments as well. This really made me feel that I can let go a bit more and don’t have to be the picture perfect version of myself….I’ve wanting to let spirituality and all the non-sens coming with go…giving up and just let go, just don’t feel it makes me happy and there’s so much crap out there. I’m standing up and letting go of that I know best and can solve people’s problems. Always felt like that…and still do. If they want my help I can offer it to them but they will have to do the work, I can only Mirror and show them hwat’s inside of them so they can embrace themselves. Don;t want to be a spiritual guru of any sorts, just want to live life and do te best I can, with all my flaws, my strengts and weakness. So I love myself just the way I am…

  82. Shelley

    I feel that there is a way to be “real” without being judgemental and coming from a place of loving kindness. Today’s chat missed the mark for me in that respect. My philosophy is that most people are doing the best they can with the level of consciousness that they have. Also, most of the ideas expressed during the session were ancient ones wrapped up in new packages. Compassion (which includes compassion for self) is the basic tenet of Buddhism as well as just about every organized religion.

  83. Maria Warshaw

    Finally someone that is real!!!! (besides you Marie) I thought I was alone with all that mambo yambo of: “do this no, no, no do that and you’ll be on your path you’ll be completely abundant 123 kaboom!!!” (spent a lot of time and money doing so) nothing worked for me and for a long time I felt absolutely stupid that something must be wrong with me and for some strange reason the heavens did not like me and ohhhh!! how about having a tragedy in your life that opened you to be so “gifted” is almost saying that in order for you to become “gifted” or have some spirituality awaken you have to have a tragedy otherwise you are out of luck. Thanks for being so honest and real SO HUMAN having and Earth experience!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Hi Maria,

      So glad you enjoyed the interview and that this message resonated with your own story. We often think that spirituality and enlightenment are exclusive things, and are only “accessible” for a select group of people who’ve had extraordinary lives, when the reality is that we’re all on this planet together and we all have unique gifts to give. Thank YOU for being here and sharing your own experience with us.

  84. I have been feeling this way also, that we are always to reach the next level, but that it is o.k. to be still for a while until we are ready to move the needle a bit more , ( at our time and place) .
    love the both of you !

  85. Harsha

    My aha moment was the description of “Detachment”. “Detachment is spacious”. That is the most clear and inspiring description I’ve heard. I’ve just put it up on my vision board 🙂
    In terms of self care, for me, I realised this year, that what is critical for me right now, is to trust myself. To trust in the ups and down, the “setbacks” and movement. When I do that I allow alot more flow in my life and the pressure to perform/achieve/do becomes much less.

    Thanks for a great podcast!! I really enjoyed it!

  86. Sheena Murphy

    Loved this sooooo much! I used to be so compassionate to myself – but I allowed it to be hypnotized out of me. I allowed someone to tell me that self compassion was weak. So, against my heart, I became ‘tough’ expecting big changes and all it did was put me in a cowering, frozen state. For the past month I’ve welcomed back the self compassion and I’m so glad. I feel so much better, I’m more productive, I’m happier…I’m more ‘me’. 🙂

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      That is so beautiful, Sheena! Sometimes we have to experience life one way in order to really recognize the value in what’s missing. So glad to hear that you’re feeling more like yourself again– thanks so much for sharing.

  87. Jaime

    My biggest aha was when Danielle was talking about the “dark” side. I had to do some self examination to see if my beautiful career creation has some pieces of the dark side still hanging out and clinging to me. The answer was yes. I want to go at my work on the “light” side meaning not needed to hit a certain goal to feel validated and worthy rather feel whole and worthy and come from an place of non-attachment. I’m a yoga instructor and something that we meditate on that really helps with non- attachment is the truth of impermanence …. the fact that in our human material world everything is in constant motion and change….. so clinging to anything causes suffering.

  88. Thank you ladies! I’m a fixer and I’m working on that not being my go to habit. I am eternally optimistic and hopeful. I always see the good and want the best for everyone. I often forget myself and tend to be my own worst enemy.
    The clarity came at the idea of having the same conversation I would have with a friend. Sometimes when I go to a friend to hear these positives, I don’t hear them because I don’t believe them. If I got the courage to say them to myself, I may actually believe them and grow through the pain. It’s always good to hear from you ladies, the timing is never off. Thank you!!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Hi Michelle,

      Glad to hear this message was so timely for you! It’s so true– sometimes the things we can easily see in/for others are the hardest in our own lives. I hope this message continues to give you motivation and peace as you work through some of the resistance and pain. Thanks for being part of our community, we’re so grateful to have you here.

  89. Amy

    SO MUCH YES!!!

  90. Lori

    So happy to hear someone say that you do not have to have had a major hardship in order to help others, or to have others be able to relate to you. We ALL struggle with life at various times, but I feel there’s this constant instruction to emphasize a personal, life changing situation or circumstance that eventually caused me to have a ‘calling’ to help others. But I didn’t have that major obstacle, just the belief that we all struggle with things, and that ordinary people are entitled to feel like they want growth and change in their lives. And that I, as an ordinary person too, can want to and learn to help others with their struggles, earth shattering or not. I am not AT ALL minimizing anyone who has had major obstacles. Not at all! The idea that it’s not a requirement in order to be of service was something I have not heard from many already successful coaches. So thank you!!!

  91. Onang

    Marie Forleo
    Thanks so much.I appreciated.

  92. Danyelle Poulin Dwyer

    My insight was that even though I meditate daily, I am human and I may not always react to something in the way I Strive to. And That’s OK!!!! Especially when co-workers comment With – “wow can’t believe you let that get to you w/ all the meditating you do” – that’s ok too too, continue to being kind to myself.

  93. For me, self-compassion has been about witnessing self on my life journey, the programs and patterns of my mind, my behaviors, with tremendous empathy…recognizing that it’s really tough to be a human being. I often imagine that I’m looking down at myself, the vessel of my body and mind and saying, “wow, this really sucks right now, and it will pass.” I try to hang out with myself in that space as long possible…not trying to resist my feeling or experience, but in the energy of truthfully acknowledging what I am experiencing without judgment. I’ve made a deal with myself to not run away, numb, or avoid my experience. Self-love seems underrated because many view it as selfish. We are taught to love others first. In my experience, I don’t have the energy to share if the tank of my heart isn’t fueled with this practice.
    And..as the thoughts of self-judgement often creep in…I stay with it and say, “I see you and I love you. All parts.” And I wait. I try not to engage with the wrestling match of my mind. It can be difficult to have the same compassion and enthusiasm for self as I do for others, but I’ve found this practice to be life changing….and spiritually connecting.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Wow, David, thanks so much for sharing your beautiful response. We’re glad that this message resonated so deeply with you and met you where you’re at on your self-compassion journey. We often able to see things so clearly for others, and we pour so much love and compassion into them, that it can be hard for us to reciprocate for ourselves. You’re so right, our tanks need to be full first, so I hope this interview helped fuel you today. Thanks for stopping by!

  94. Kim

    This may very well be my most favorite of all your interviews. I love the message that both of you are sharing, and especially Danielle for being so open and honest. It took multiple heartbreaks, physical exhaustion, and almost losing my mental well being to finally give myself permission to put myself first. And at age 55, I will never go back. Thank you both for this wonderful podcast! (I’m so excited to see Danielle live in San Francisco at her White Hot Truth book tour!)

  95. Dawn

    My favorite line, “Even if I don’t get this one thing, I will still be ok. I’ll still be loved, valued, etc.” YES! Why is it we extend great grace and love to others but despise and deem it unacceptable to ourselves? Thank you for this nugget of truth!

  96. Dawn

    by the way… where can I email my question for Q&A Tuesday??

  97. Love you both so much! Thank you. Self-compassion is my go to experience for everything I feel inside. I’ve been practicing this for many years and I have to say it is a profound part of my life. It helps me create space inside for the transformation of loving myself no matter what!

  98. So much truth, thanks for sharing so authentically. My biggest aha moment was to “PLAY FULL OUT but don’t get attached to one outcome.” It’s time I learn to be more playful with life; rather than seeing my purpose as a mission I must pursue in order to be successful and fulfilled, I will look at it as an adventure I GET to do because I can! =) I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I’m actually excited about the days to come! Thank you!!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Laura! Play is such a huge part of creativity. We hope you have a total blast on all of your next “adventures”– we’re all cheering you on.

  99. Nancy

    1. The biggest insight I had today was the relevance of “deep positivity,” relative to attachment of outcomes, and letting go. It is very confusing at first; the thought of embracing our deepest desires, while simultaneously letting go of them. While it seems paradoxical, the message I am reading from this is that once we let go of our attachment to a specific outcome of our desire, we are freeing ourselves from limitation. If we remain attached to a specific outcome, we could very well end up missing out on something else that is even better for us. It wields a very powerful spiritual message. Thank you!
    2. If the best self-help is self compassion, one way I could be more compassionate to myself starting right now is to stop beating myself up for not having figured everything out yet and sitting on the sidelines of my life. Backstory……I had a decent full time job for 13 years. Then I had a serious mva. I am grateful to be alive, but have had to leave my old job permanently. I am on disability, but I want to do so much more. While I do have physical limitations, I feel like I’m spinning my wheels going nowhere fast being at home. I have been off permanently for over 2 years now. Returning to my “old” job is not my desire, but doing something to help myself and others is. I just haven’t been able to figure it all out, as to how to make it work. And, as a result, I have beaten myself up pretty good. I realize now, the first step to changing this feeling is to be a friend to myself!
    Thank you!

  100. Celeste McFarlen

    Marie and Danielle, Bless You, Bless You, Bless You! I have had thoughts about what you are saying and (self inflicted) felt as though I was betraying the path when presented with yet another task I must do to advance on my journey, and just so did not have the energy to add another task which I felt was busy work. So I thank you for bringing this around.

  101. I loved when Danielle said “you are magnificent”. That pierced right to my core because it is not something I think about much and it felt like she was saying it specifically to me. And I sat at work and echoed “yea, yea I am” and believed it, really truly believed it. Like a little gem stored deep in my heart I will now carry that with me. The self-compassion thing can be hard, but I have lately been indulging in small pleasures simply because they bring me joy. That is one big way I show compassion to me and I can definitely do more of that. As Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way) says “treating myself like a precious object makes me strong”. Having an ice cream cone on a summer day just because. Buying a book I love, or a piece of art for no other reason than it brings me joy. Reading in bed for 2 hours just because it feeds my soul. Taking French classes or a writing workshop for no other reason than they make me happy. These practices in turn, though small, make me stronger because I am feeding my soul and there is not necessarily a specific end goal other than to enjoy what I am engaged in at that time. And who knows where those small pleasures may eventually lead. Thank you, thank you for introducing me to Danielle, looking forward to reading her book!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Beautiful, Jenna!

  102. djah

    So much truth… big love to you ladies… Very grateful to the both of you… Thank you so much.

  103. Annette

    I loved that line ‘you will be ok even if you don’t get everything on your vision board’. I just finished a vision board and looking at it I sometimes think is this being too greedy – do I really need all this to be happy, alive, fulfilled? I know there is enough to go around but I agree we can be hoarders. I am challenged by my own dreams and desires versus service to others. I also strongly resonated with the notion of ‘striving’ and the spiritual ‘to do’ list. There’s a fine line between following your own call and getting on someone else’s bandwagon. I think to be compassionate to myself I have to let go of comparisons and trust that it’s the way I walk the journey not just the destination that brings the greatest joy and peace. Wow will need to listen to this again tomorrow. Powerful stuff. Thank you gals <3

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I so hear you, Annette. I listened to this episode 3 times in a row myself!

      You hit the nail right on the head about where it gets sticky is getting on someone else’s bandwagon. It’s never a bad thing to dream big, and it’s not greedy to want more in life, but I know I always have to remind myself whether the things I’m striving for are ACTUALLY the things I want, or if they’re things I think I SHOULD want.

      Thanks so much for tuning in this week, and I hope you enjoy revisiting this episode again!

  104. Nicu

    Yippee!!!
    To creating a life we truly love living!
    Love & Joy!

  105. Priya

    1) What meant most to you? : Have a desire, have a dream, believe in it, visualise it and then.. let it go. When you have done all you can to achieve your desire; you have already owned it. Desires are meant to be believed in instead of holding on tight. Loosening the grip reassures that you already own it.

    2) How to be most compassionate : Progress is better than perfection. What’s more important is – how much better have you done or how much you have engaged yourself in doing. Instead of getting it ALL done. If I had managed to read out loud a book to my kids at the end of a work day which leaves a smile on their faces but yet to finish the piling dishes, management reports and MBA assignment… ; that’s ok. I am happy and I am enough. I am enough as a person, as a living being and most importantly for being and staying alive being grateful for each moment.
    That’s my self compassion.
    Thank you Marie and Danielle, you ladies rock !

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Love this, Priya!

  106. Desire Deeply, trust and believe then Let it Go! Trust the Higher Power, even if it doesn’t manifest you will be OKAY! Such a culmination of things I have been dealing with and my intuition has been telling me this for so long. Both of you put it together in words so well.
    On Self Compassion I am going to visualize myself outside of myself as a friend in need and ask what the problem is and go with my natural instinct of how I would help that friend. I offer this help to friends all the time but don’t necessarily listen to myself giving me the same advice.
    Thank you for all that you do and the integrity and honesty. I too believe the self help world can and is in many ways making things worse than better. I don’t know what to eat anymore, what to be when I grow up (I’m 53), must be a bad person if I can’t meditate or do a personal yoga practice etc etc. Trying to remember what I was like when I was just REAL, just LIVING, just BEING. I want to be that person again!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I so hear you, Janet. The dark side of all the self-help resources out there can often make us feel like we’re chronically lacking. It’s so important to remember that who we are is already amazing and worthy exactly as you are, and we’re so glad that this episode really resonated with you!

  107. Annabe

    Positivity, like many other brilliant concepts such as holistic, happiness and so forth, has been mis-used and even abused. Some people has an inner connection between elements of being that just shines positive attitude and behaviour. Enjoy those people. Love their sense of being. It is authentic. It is the positivity of dressing up, of masking that is so sad.
    Thank you for a delightful sharing of thinking.

  108. Abby

    Two of my favorites= one great conversation. I love when everything that’s been going through my head gets said out loud. This was White. Hot. Truth. Thanks for sharing.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad you enjoyed this, Abby ♥ Thanks for tuning in with us!

  109. The part when Danielle said the secret of manifesting, and what rabbi’s and metaphysics will tell you:
    You have to want it with every fiber of your being, but also let go and be ok if what’s on your vision board doesn’t come true.

    I’ve been in those instances already, and the way she said we respond (crying, feeling like a manifesting failure) totally applied. Thanks Danielle, for keepin it real and for identifying that, so I can really be ok with it and know it’s part of the allowing.

  110. Brenda

    I was so blown away by this podcast and what Danielle had to say. She hits on all the cylinders! I want to go back and listen again and again. There was no specific moment I had an “Aha” however when she spoke of the Cringe Factor I related to this very well because I used to publish my own newspaper. Every time it would come from the printer, I would find screw-ups, errors and I could go on and on. Also being your own best friend when you hate yourself is the best advice I’ve heard yet. Thank you!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s so cool that you used to publish your own newspaper! You’re your own worst critic, so even though you found errors I bet your readers loved it. 🙂

  111. Sara Adams

    One of the pieces of my life that I am most proud of is that I am eternally perfecting the art of friendship. I don’t like to have a lot of friends, but rather prefer to have a handful of deep, meaningful, honest, supportive kindred spirits in my life. So when Danielle said you need to be a good friend to yourself it was as if my world shifted underneath me. Instead of the constant judgement, put downs, and condemnations, I need to develop the art of friendship by starting with myself.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love it, Sara! And it’s so true. We’re our own worst critics and are often much harsher with ourselves than is necessary. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

  112. Steph

    Thank you, Marie & Danielle, for continuing your own growth in a public forum, admitting your own second thoughts & internal debates for things you’ve said/done/published/created in the past that you may question in the future. High five! Listening to you both, I could just picture you in tights & capes, kind of a superhero therapy circle – please don’t get worn out by all the people who want a piece of you, who need reminders that we have our own super powers & answers. You KNOW your work is important. I am so grateful to continue getting these uplifting messages. Dang, I just want to hug you!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so kind of you to say, Steph! We’ve got a ton of virtual hugs coming your way. 🙂

  113. Laura

    Marie. I’ve been wanting to follow Danielle Laporte Stuff but it wasn’t until this podcast that I finally understood why. She is so REAL!!! I pre-ordered the book and joined her book club. The community you create Marie, IS AMAZING! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Xoxo, Laura

  114. I am my ultimate authority. I’ve always gone from one extreme to the other. Either completely impressionable (which I think is a great quality in certain ways), but when it comes the group authority thing, I can get easily lost from my own path OR I’m stubborn and stuck in what I want to force things to be. Thank you for the reminder that I should be both and know once I’ve considered my options and what I really need, I have to decide for myself based on what actually works for me.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Right on, Jillian! You’re the expert of yourself and your heart will guide you. 🙂

  115. Oh my gaaaaad I love this I think is one of my favorite interviews so far. Thank you thank you thank you. To me a super aha moment was when Marie was sharing her story with the documentary and the ferrari and Danielle says THAT´S NOT SUCCESS. Yes thank you Im in my twenties and Im so tired of the pressure of becoming rich and a millionaire. To me success is being able to wake up without a rush, being able to work at my own time, have enough time to cook, to paint, to draw, to work, to rest. And yes Im not rich Im not working my ass off, but I feel succesful and I HATE that other people are incapable to see me as a succesful person because I lack money. And I work and I make enought money to pay for myself Im just not interested in making millions and when I heard that like that not it I was releaved like thank yoooou thats exactly how I feel. And yes I think Ive being so scared to have compassion of myself cause I dont want to fall into a self pitty or victimism mentality but I am so understanding patient loving compassionate with my friends and they find so much peace in me when they are in crisis mode so definetely I will work more on that self compassion self patiene with my self. <3 thank so much to both of you.

  116. Sam

    Wow!!! I feel like I can put down my sad story because I don’t have to share it to be authentic. I just breathed the BIGGEST sigh of relief!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Sam! You can be authentic doing what feels right to you. 🙂

  117. OMG. I feel like there has been monumental shift around this very critical and pervasive block: letting go and deep self-appreciate and love. I have struggled with this FOREVER and feel like a shift has happened for me. It feels so liberating to give yourself permission to be human in a world where you’re constantly reminded that you’re not doing or BEING enough. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. And we believe in your capacity for self-love.
      It’s such a simple mantra, but a powerful one. Marie did an interview awhile back where that mantra was a game-changer, so you might enjoy it too: https://www.marieforleo.com/2015/06/colleen-saidman-yee/ 🙂

  118. Grace

    Oh what a fantastic episode. I hadn’t come across Danielle before but adored what she had to say. 3 things really opened me up:
    – The need to be completely and wholeheartedly invested in what you are manifesting while also remembering that I am completely whole and talented and amazing, whether whatever it is comes into form.
    – That the next level of self compassion is about sourcing that self love in the midst of self judgement and loathing.
    – That even wonderfully ‘accomplished’ women like yourselves feel that ‘discerning’ voice that it (whatever it is) could have been better.

  119. Paula Seleguim

    This talk hurts! But I needed this! THANK YOU!

  120. You two are amazing!!! Take aways:
    Stop beating yo self up.
    There is enough!
    Listen within not without.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Exactly, Erin! Those are beautiful insights. 🙂

  121. Sandee

    Loved this podcast to the max! “Ah Ha!” Moment: At the end of the day, your soul and spirit is your final answer. Very huge to me now is the practice of relearning to trust my instincts and intuition, and this serves as a vivid reminder for me.

    I am extremely compassionate with everyone BUT myself. I’m going to start being my own best friend today by giving myself a f*%&ing break. This podcast came in at the perfect time for me because, just yesterday, I realized “Damn, I’m overwhelmed and all I’m focusing on is improving myself. How in the world am I going to start a business?!” Enter Marie Forleo!!! The comparison, the PRESSURE…I am putting a stop to those and reframing my life in terms of #thisisMYsuccess.

    Truth be told, I feel pretty successful compared to where I was 3 years ago. I get up and have several hours in the AM to journal, get my mind right, make breakfast and relax with my kitty. Then I go to work until 3, come home, decompress, make dinner…BASICALLY my current job allows me to really focus on my personal life and that work-life balance=success to me! Have a great day and thanks for the inspiration!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Sandee! Hooray for aha moments! It sounds like you’re making excellent progress and you’re getting better at being kind to yourself. You deserve a break. 🙂

  122. Laura

    As a mom it’s really hard to see the vast possibilities in the little life you have to shape and not want all of them for this little one that you love. I know that I have tried to provide and push for “better” with my kids. And now that they are grown I see that I have too. I know that they will still have to find their way to what is right for them with the addition of the “always something more” mentality. Ok time for some self compassion!

  123. Sarafina Nlandu

    I thank you Marie and Danielle! You gave me a new perspective that I never thought of before. I believe the “aha” moment for me is when both of you talked about the lies we were under from a young age and the desires we have in our heart must be detached from us after we leave it to the higher power. I thank Marie and Danielle for teaching these lessons to me. They are so helpful with looking at life another way. On the other hand, I believe that I can start self-compassion with really forgiving myself for the mistakes I’ve made and start doing and say loving things out of love for myself. Instead of hating myself and criticizing myself, I’ll sit with myself and comfort myself with good things about me despite all of what’s happening to me. Thank you again Marie and Danielle for doing this podcast because it is one of the most awesome podcasts that I ever heard!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a beautiful action plan, Sarafina! Be kind to yourself––you deserve it. 🙂

  124. Kellie Sue Peters

    Thank you for this podcast, Marie and Danielle. I was cleaning my fish tank as I listened and when you said what it seems like no friggin’ one has seemed willing to say out loud about not “winning the ovarian lottery,” I nearly fell off my kitchen counter in shock. I have been so completely disgusted by the narcissism that many new age movements have fostered – where I’ve literally had it with “you created that. S/he created that,” regarding being born here rather than a 3rd world country or a 3rd world area here in the United States. Too many people- people I know personally – use it to fuel their enlarged sense of entitlement and as some cosmic exemption from showing compassion as they blame everyone for their situations. Finally- to hear Marie say that things are not equal – OMG – Thank you!!! I’m so sick and exhausted from hearing people say – why did you create that (cancer, divorce, cheating lover, sick child, etc. )? Yes, compassion for ourselves and for each other. I do however feel that you don’t necessarily have to feel like you deserve to manifest blessings- I certainly didn’t deserve so many of the blessings that I have or the many wishes I had as a child that have been fulfilled far better than I could have imagined. The Grace that runs through my life constantly uplifts and stuns me. And being able to do even the smallest action to give that back as loving action is such a gift. Both of you are truly integrity and love in action. Thank you for doing your work and answering your callings to serve.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I agree wholeheartedly, Kellie. It’s so true that we were not all born equal, and it’s freeing and refreshing to realize that some things just happen beyond our control – both positive and negative. I love your note about grace running through your life … beautifully said!

      • Thank you so much for your lovely response to my comment, Caroline! It’s so kind of you. We’re all in this together. 🙂

  125. boris

    beautiful! thank you by transcript.it helps me!

  126. Linh

    One of my favorite episodes. My biggest take away from this episode is letting go of attachments to results when things don’t go my way. I have always wanted to join the military. When I finally did, my career was cut short before it had a chance to start after an attempted sexual assault and dealing with the military culture’s attitude towards such issues. I thought my life had ended and totally played victim for the longest time. In recent years, I started to see all the opportunities for growth and development that came from that experience. One way that I can practice self-compassion is to tell myself that we’re all wired to protect ourselves the best way we know how in the moment. While hindsight is 20/20, in any given situation, we have done our best at that moment.

  127. Mitzi Sinnott

    FINALLY!!!! Someone, Danielle, talks about the other side of life… it’s dark, painful and not so dang positive and easy to manifest sh#@. I’ve actually dropped off of listening to almost everything over the last year… and as Danielle spoke it, I’ve been more present and loving with where I am right now… no big awards, no big ‘to do’ lists… It’s me Mitzi all day … just me, her and I. Not sure where any of this will land me, BUT DANG it feels easier.
    I also want to say how important it WAS and IS for me, to hear “white” women (race is a social construct I know) to speak about privilege and this “positive thought” movement claiming this alone will create an abundance of resources…. “Earth isn’t a level playing field…” I’ve been saying this a lot lately… And I’ve been trying to determine where I can make real change in my present life and where I have to accept what is…
    THANK YOU thank you ladies for being real with this, acknowledgement is a very important step in our evolution towards equity for all!

  128. Beautiful podcast. I often debate the ‘spiritual’ things I have learned and recently have chosen to unlearn! My biggest take away (if I have to pick just one!) was the bit about people selling the idea “your dream life is waiting for you if you just think positive and imagine it every day-it will happen” part. Manifesting your dream life, maybe it’s not possible, but it is possible to be ok with the life you do have. I have been using focusing therapy (I’m a chronic pain counsellor) that uses self compassion …so your conclusion about not having to have self love but self compassion, where you can say to yourself “I did well today” when you are in so much physical pain you can’t think straight, is spot on with me too. Being your own best friend is so important when you have to deal with chronic conditions day and in day out – especially when no one around you understands. Oh I could go on and on. This was magnificent it sparked so much in me. Love you Marie and Danielle xoxo

  129. Elissar

    OMG thank you so much dear Marie for this episode it is Amazing, i totally agree with you ladies that self compassion is the jwel of our strength i loved the example of your best friend coming to your door asking for help and i decided to do that with myself ❤️❤️❤️

  130. This was low-key kinda amazing 💕! Thanks so much for keeping it real!

  131. This really rings true – we can “try” so hard all the time that we forget to just be kind to ourselves. Being there for ourselves, no matter what is the most loving thing to do. I love danielle la porte – thank you!

  132. Eva

    Thank you for that and bringing calmness and perspective into the self-development arena 🙂 I especially liked the difference between the idea of ‘positive thinking’ (which doesn’t resonate that much with me, perhaps because I come from another country) and ‘deep positivity’ which feels better somehow. Not saying that it’s easy but I like the sound and notion of it much better. Also, being detached vs. non-attached was great to have that so clearly put into words.

  133. Cheryl

    omg – the part around detachment vs non-attachment. It’s so powerful and resonated like crazy. “What happens when you don’t manifest?” I felt like a manifestation loser! “Even if you don’t manifest what you want, you will be okay.” Thank you for this and for all you do and share with us.

  134. So, I get the whole self compassion thing but can’t we then trick ourselves into not progressing or moving forward because we’re telling ourselves it’s ok to be laying in bed eating chips, streaming Netflix because that’s what we need right now.. ? When does that brutal participation and hard work come into play? People can trick themselves for years.. .

    Secondly, if we’re supposed to be open to the outcome of something and not be attached to it, then why does everyone keep saying you to be completely clear on what it is you want..? I’m confused.. .
    ~ Cyndi

  135. Grace

    Thank you for this video!

  136. When she said to say to yourself “you poor thing” as if you are listening to a friend, I started crying. And I never cry. At 60, my emotions aren’t near as close to the surface as they were 30 years ago. Thank you for this. It was a message much needed.

  137. Melissa

    Hearing Danielle speak to saying to herself “you poor thing,” “of course you’re not over this yet, of course you’re stuck, of course you’re crying again” brought tears to my eyes. This felt like a huge sigh of relief. Thank you, Marie and Danielle, for this and for ALL of what you add to this world. Thank you.

  138. White, Hot, Truth is amazing! I’ve been listening to the audio book in my car on the ride to and from work. It’s helped me in so many ways there’s not enough room to list it all here. I can say that one of the insights that meant the most to me from this conversation was the reminder that I know myself better than anyone, and if I trust my inner voice I can’t go wrong (or I’ll at least learn an important lesson if I fail). This has been huge for me.

    The one way that I can be more compassionate with myself starting right now is to stop beating myself up over every little mistake I make. I can be my own worst enemy. I treat myself in ways I’d never treat a loved one. So, I’ll let up on the self flagellation.

  139. Listened to this one on the podcast (which I love, by the way, because I am more of a podcast listener than video-watcher) and I loveeeeed it. I’m in the middle of Danielle’s book right now and I’m just loving the truth bomsb – which have such a different meaning to me with more and more realizations.
    Loved the part on social media because I’m getting to a point where I just can’t stand it all the “best-of” and not the about the actual work.
    Do. The. Work.

    As always, thanks for keeping it real.

  140. Just listened to this Danielle LaPorte episode and I actually paused it a couple of times and repeated these concepts to myself so that I wouldn’t forget: The first was the idea that there is enough of everything for everyone but we have a hoarding problem. I’ve always heard “there is enough for every man’s need but not enough for one man’s greed.” It is easy to see that concept as a greedy person’s problem, but this idea of the world having a hoarding problem suddenly opened a door in my mind to the realization that even though I am trying my best, I too have the habit of hoarding resources. We all do it. It inspires me to continue to find ways to let go and share resources.
    The second thing that really resonated is the idea of not being attached vs attachment. I struggle with detachment because I am naturally excited and hopeful and I don’t want to let go of that side of me. I love this idea of playing with all your heart but not being attached the whether you win or lose. It can be difficult to manage your emotions after you lose, partly because you may be disappointed and partly because others in your life EXPECT you to be disappointed. You get support from friends and family when you are disappointed after a loss, it can be hard to let that comfort go and it can be hard for friends and family to understand how you could not be upset about a loss.
    Apologies if this is not very clearly written, it really helped me to wrap my mind around it by writing it out! GREAT EPISODE!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Jess, thank you so much for taking a moment to check out this episode and share your thoughts. I love that quote about there being enough for every man’s need and never enough for one man’s greed – so true and such a powerful statement.

      We’re so glad you enjoyed this episode, and so appreciate you tuning in with us!

  141. Oh my gosh, this talk was amazing for me today. Everything discussed was an “Aha” or a reflection or reminder. I loved the discussion about the 3 Lies and being able to distinguish those lies that I (and we all) have been taught from the real truth about ourselves.
    I also loved the statement about Desire – “you have to want it with all your heart, and not be attached to getting it.”
    And I loved that you mentioned the fact that the world isn’t equal and how that pertains to a lot of self-help people promoting positive thinking and material wealth but not necessarily including the ideas of service of the world and shining light on the inequalities that exist, which has always struck me. Hearing you discuss this helps me understand it better. I think I need this book.

    Lastly – a way I can be more compassionate to myself: notice when I’m thinking in the voice of self-judgement or comparison or ‘not-enoughness’ and speak out loud to myself as though I were a close friend. Acknowledge out loud to myself the pain I feel, hold space for it, and be kind to myself. Offer myself nourishment and patience and space. That will be my practice right now. Thanks so much. You both are an inspiration and reflection for me. 🙂 xoxo

  142. Emily

    I have to say, when this came out right at the end of B-School, I was still panting with my tongue sticking out from everything I’d learned, and I was not ready for this much humor and irony at the end of that marathon. I couldn’t say anything nice, so I didn’t say anything at all. It like hearing jokes while you haven’t even caught your breath yet. Now I’m ready, now I get it, and it ACTUALLY IS A RELIEF. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HUMOR. I just had to jump in and comment now.
    MUCH LOVE!

    • Emily

      OMG. Finally got to the gifts at the end and cried. Thank you.

  143. Rolene

    SPECTACULAR interview! Thanks to both!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Rolene – we’re so glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

  144. Arely Silva

    The part that really resonated with me was the point where both of you spoke about the privilege some people are born with. A lot of self-help books, websites, etc., can seem saturated with a specific type of person which I don’t identify with as a brown immigrant woman from a working/poor background. This podcast was refreshing and real. Thank you.

  145. Jen

    Learning to love myself even when I’m hating myself, is something I need to work on, or maybe even the only thing I need to work on. What else matters if you don’t love yourself? I need to start showing myself the same compassion that I’m able to show others when they’re in need. I feel my body aching for it! I’m going to pick up my meditation practice that I’ve let slide and be open to receive. Today is all about self compassion. Thank you Danielle and Marie, I really needed to hear this today.

  146. Thank you very much for this interview !

  147. YES!!!! A thousand times yes!!! I often save these longer episodes in a “For Later” folder so I can really enjoy them when the time is right. Well, today was right for this one. I was literally in the bathtub during what has been a dark month of the soul and when I heard Danielle say, “You poor thing,” I burst into tears. It was part release, part knowing that I had attracted the exact words I needed to hear in the moment.

    You two are exceptional human beings, thank you for how you show up in the world.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Oh Emily, we’re so happy that this popped up at the perfect moment for you. Danielle and Marie have the strange, intuitive ability to say the most poignant things exactly when we need to hear them. I’m glad that you were in a place, and a space, where you could allow yourself to feel those words wash over you fully. We’re sending you so much love and light.

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