Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Ah, criticism. For some of us, the fear of it can feel SO big and SO crushing that it shuts us down completely.

Because no matter how thoughtful or honest your work is, we all know there’s a good chance someone is going to slam your for it.

And these days, that slam will likely occur in public — on the internet, for the entire world to see forever more.

The toughest part? Knowing that once you see those harsh words written about you or your work, you can’t unsee them.

If you make art, you'll have critics. It's easier to critique a thing than it is to make a thing. Click To Tweet

Those stinging phrases have a way of lingering in the dark corners of your consciousness, often for decades. (Thanks negativity bias!)

If you’ve ever wondered, “How do I not let the fear of criticism crush me and make me feel worthless?”  this MarieTV episode is for you.

You’ll learn three really important things to keep in mind when it comes to criticism, and a simple exercise to render your critics virtually powerless so they’ll never hold you back again.

Now I’d love to hear from you. We’ve got a two-parter today, so pick one or both and reply in the comments below.

1. If you can relate to AnneMarie’s fears, give this writing exercise a try. You can do that privately or directly in the comments below.

2. How do you personally keep criticism (whether real or the fear of it) from blocking your creativity?

Share as much detail as possible in your reply. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration and your words may be exactly what someone else needs to hear to move courageously ahead.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

Never forget. You were born to create and contribute.

And no matter how fantastic you are (and let’s be clear — YOU ARE!), not everyone is going to love you, or what you make.

Rather than let that fact hold you back, use this episode to strengthen your soul so you can keep creating and moving ahead.

Want more episodes on how to handle criticism?

Make sure you watch these too:

Thank you so much for reading, sharing and adding your genius to the conversation. You make my world.

With so much love,

XO

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289 comments

  1. It’s taken me so long to OWN my creativity. Honor my talent to be myself and not appease for anyone else. Yeah people snubbed me and complained about what I do and how I do it. But guess what I’m a free thinking human being and it’s my right to honor the energy that feels sparky and colorful. This one time I had an email from someone criticizing my video for appearing drunk and under the influence. Ummm hello, I’m always that lucid and vivacious. I didn’t respond to that email. You do have a choice to keep silent and let the critics swarm in their own stool.

    • Samantha

      Love this!!! It is your RIGHT to honor your energy. 🙂

      • Heather

        That was exactly the line that stood out for me as well!

    • ” You do have a choice to keep silent and let the critics swarm in their own stool.” <—– love this!

      • It’s freedom and brain power to the max. Everyone has an opinion these days so don’t lose yourself in creating for the masses when initially you’re creating your life for you and by you.

    • Abi

      Hi Bernard,

      While it is difficult but I really appreciate that you chose to not react to the criticism. Dale Carnegie said – “Any fool can criticize, complain and condemn and most do” I have personally come to believe that most of the negative criticism or bashing we receive in life from someone is not because of our inabilities to impress them with our work but rather because of their own deep insecurities about something that we represent that they would like for themselves but just can’t admit.

      And guess what – rather than hating them I learnt to forgive them which makes me way happier and satisfied in long run. I close my eyes and say a smaller prayer – ” I am unique, excellent and special. Thank you God, mom-dad and everyone who believes in me and I would stop short to nothing in life to fulfill my calling and true purpose in life. I wish for everyone -lovers and haters to be blessed with the same support system and find their true purpose in life so we call make this world a better place. Ameen”

      • Kathy

        This is so well said. By praying and forgiving the “haters” (actually insecure people), we release the burden of hurt from ourselves.

      • Heather

        Love your prayer. <3

      • Catherine

        I really like what you say here Abi. It resonates with me and experiences I have had.

    • Eric Murphy

      Your NAME is awesome!

  2. The way I deal with fears about criticism is to get back inside of myself, and focus on how much I love creating my work, and how I feel like it’s what I was born to do.

    I also watch how I respond to others’ work, and whether I have any thoughts that connect ‘bad’ work to being worthless, because that will just come straight back to me. If I do find that, I sit with it in meditation to heal it, and then I don’t interpret criticism in that way so much.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Karen, I love that approach. It’s like you’re reminding yourself of your core need to create, and shutting out the criticism!

    • Elaine

      Love your comment, thank you.
      Too often how we criticize, or what we think of others work, is how we accept judgement and criticism ourselves. It is also at this level we stifle and edit our work instead of bringing our truth or higher self to each task or project.

  3. Dear Marie,
    Thank you so much for this important episode and all the great advice. I can really relate to AnneMaries fears and I decided to continue contributing with my knowledge and passion online.

    I saw a really bad post on LinkedIn from a person who judged Sheryl Sandberg for inspiring women to Lean-in, but this time, because I already met trolls online and because I think that we women should empower each other – I wrote a comment where in a positive way I gave feedback to the writer while saying that the world would be much better if we women helped each other to succeed and empowered fellow women.

    I’m so happy that there are people like you, Marie and like Sheryl Sandberg who empower other women! I think that we all should fight trolls when we see that they writing nasty comments even if we are afraid to get hurt ourselves.

    Take care!

  4. Hi Marie, AnneMarie and Team Forleo 🙂

    A couple of years ago my first ever post was published on the Huffington Post… on the *home page* of their blog. Ermahgerd! My excitement quickly turned to dread as I realised that not only was my article getting thousands upon thousands of reads, but that it was being massively, vastly, incomprehensibly misunderstood by many. The post was really about being committed to honesty and intimacy in my marriage — especially when it’s hard. The title of my post? It was kind of controversial: “I love my husband, but here’s why I want to cheat.”

    I received dozens of emails wishing terminal illness on me, calling me a w**** and a narcissist. Many of the comments were so outlandishly ridiculous that after the shock and shame had washed away (ahem, 18 months later), I eventually learned to laugh at them. One guy told me he put my photo on his fridge and showed it to his daughters every day to tell them what NOT to grow up to be. Initially though, it was like having all my deepest fears about myself splashed all over the internet. There were Reddit pages and abusive Facebook comments and articles about my article. It was crazy.

    I was called selfish. I was called a prostitute. People emailed my husband telling him to get away from me. They brought every insult on the planet. In the middle of this, I was also being approached by news stations and other news websites who wanted to hear more. I had never intended for it to be such a drama.

    That whole experience was a baptism of fire, and creatively, I shut down for about six months. Eventually though, I began to speak up again, writing with the same honesty and vulnerability that terrify me and call me in equal measure.

    I still get scared of being criticised but I’ve learned so many lessons, one of the biggest of which is: there is something indestructible within me, something that no critic can ever tarnish. I know that I can survive anything they throw at me and that if it lands, it is because on some level there is somewhere *for* it to land within me, which provides a beautiful opportunity for healing a mistaken belief, sharing shame and inviting trustworthy people into deeper intimacy with me. Once again I feel myself being called to speak about things that other people don’t speak about. My vulnerability is my guide, my fear of criticism tells me exactly where to go next. Darn that inner guidance system, hehe!

    The other big lesson? Don’t read the comments! (Well, this site excepted.) And get a gatekeeper to check for you if you do want to read them.

    To AnneMarie I want to say… sing your songs, sista. Even with sweaty palms and a shaky voice. Because there are so many out here who are rooting for you, and so many more for whom *your* voice and songs are medicine.

    Thanks for hearing me. Love Ell x

    • Elloa, WHAT a story. Thank you so much for adding your voice here, it is a perfect share on today’s topic. I love this insight, “There is something indestructible in me.” I’m also clapping that you found your way back to writing and expressing yourself publicly — your voice and bravery is so needed. XO

    • Heartfelt, honest, profound. Where can I read more from you!!!!!!!!!!!?
      Touched by this xo

      • I read a great post by Kristen Lamb (a fellow writer) about the age of the internet bully and mob. I am sorry people thought it was okay to say those horrible things to you. It is easy to hide behind a screen and shoot your mouth off. The same people would probably rather melt on the spot than say the same words to your face. I am glad you could persevere and the lessons you offered to us are invaluable. Keep on, keeping on!

        • Jessica

          I gotta find that post. Sounds like a good one. Thanks for sharing.

        • that is sooo true! these days, people hide behind social media to say things they wouldn’t have the guts to say to your face.. pathetic! sometimes the best answer is… silence. Not worth rising to the challenge, at the end of the day, most criticism comes from people who haven’t got the b***s to do anything for themselves… thanks Marie Forleo & team for this great video and long live all artists – the world would be a very boring and very sad place if it weren’t for art in all its shapes and forms. xx to all

    • Beautiful! You and Brene Brown! Championing vulnerability and honesty is difficult but so worth it. It’s the only way to really live, isn’t it! Thank you for this thoughtful reply.

    • Thank you Marie, Ashley, Jennifer and Marilyn.
      I loved Marie’s exercise from the show today for the power it invites: an ownership of all the stuff the critics might say and an acknowledgement of it all in advance. That was the bit I missed, because I just hadn’t anticipated that the article would be a big deal. Ah, the naivety!
      Ashley – click on my name to come through to my site, or just google me (watch out for that reddit page though!). I’d love to connect. xx

      • genevieve potter

        I loved reading this. Thank you! On a much smaller scale, I was invited to speak at a conference as a ‘key note’ speaker a couple of years ago, about a digital project I’d managed. Looking back, I was given the wrong brief, but, being so busy I just didn’t have the time to interrogate. I stood up in front of hundreds of people and delivered a presentation which was pitched at totally the wrong level (I thought I was inspiring those just setting out on their digital journey, it turned out that many were digital natives and worldwide experts). What made it even more awful was that there were live tweets during the presentation, with some of the audience criticising me very harshly and personally. It was truly horrible and I was literally shaking as I left the stage. However, out of that trauma, a couple of people reached out to me and thanked me (from the heart) for simplifying for them, what was a topic that is too-often over complicated. It showed me that for every person who gets some sort of kick out of trying to knock you down, there are many more good souls out there. In the end, I’m glad that I was my authentic self (and – I’ll never accept a public speaking brief again without interrogating exactly who the audience will be!). Genevieve (UK)

    • “I know that I can survive anything they throw at me and that if it lands, it is because on some level there is somewhere *for* it to land within me, which provides a beautiful opportunity for healing a mistaken belief, sharing shame and inviting trustworthy people into deeper intimacy with me.”

      This resonated *so* strongly with me! What an inspiring way to look at criticism. 😀

      Alixandrea
      x

    • This burns bright! Thank you for sharing this <3

    • RACHE

      Thank you for sharing! I had an ah-ha moment reading your article 🙂

    • Tegan Miller

      Loved this comment! And I read your piece months ago and LOVED it! I was inspired by your honesty and bravery and was thankful for someone to put into words something we all fear of saying out loud. Thank you!!

    • Ell, a friend forwarded your original post and your husband’s reply to me here in London. We LOVED it. I so appreciated your honesty, and your willingness and ability to grapple with a challenging topic in a nuanced way. And now here you are, writing on one of my other favorite sites!

      Your post helped me go through with posting my own blog about falling in (healthy) love with your customers, because it’s well-known (certainly in the therapeutic professions) for clients to fall in love with their therapists. It is not a question of if it will happen — it’s a question of how the professional deals with it, which was the topic of my post.

      I think you are doing powerful thinking and exploring, and encourage you to keep up the good work. And to keep sharing it with the rest of us. Because you are helping moving the consciousness of this planet forward. Yeah, just that!

      And you, Ms. Marie, well, I’ve been away for a while, but I always love dipping into your stuff, and so appreciate the insights you share. (and the colors on your sets, and your cute back-up performers, and your clothes, and the hair — really like the hair!) You’ve come a long way from the kitchen-table video, but I’m glad that you are hanging on to the core of truth and caring that is what drew me to you in the first place. No matter how fancy the trappings, never lose that — please?!

      love to you both,

      Deborah

    • bless you for keeping on. #beautifulspirit!

    • Hey Elloa,

      That’s a pretty empowering story. The most difficult things usually have the potential to be right? Just read the post, and listened to your interview. What’s crazy is that you clearly state that you did not cheat. You did not give in to temptation, and better yet strengthen your marriage, and grew your spirit. My intuition tells me many of the negative commentary you received was probably from folks who themselves felt guilty about crossing that line. Let’s be honest, there’s a reason divorce rates are at an all time high! Kudos to you for recognizing the fear of your ego, and the opportunity for your spirit. And thanks for sharing!

    • Mary Lahti

      Thanks for sharing! You share the part that I have always feared. I’ve come a long way from general fear and realize you can’t please everyone. There are so many different tastes out there and someone will put their own twist on your story. But then there are those you will reach and help change for the better.
      Keep on sharing!
      All the best.
      Mary

    • Wow thank you for your honesty!

    • Kirsty

      I wish there was a little heart icon on here, so I could let you know that I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing <3

  5. This is such a great topic and one that artists deal with on a daily basis! A harsh critique from even the most casual of viewers of your work can drop you to your knees – if you let it. I’ve had glowing reviews and comments so harsh that it brought me to tears. So, here is what I learned and how I handle it:

    1) You can’t please everybody.
    2) Everyone has a right to her/his opinion and to share their reaction.
    3) A reaction to your work – any reacation – is a good thing!
    4) Detached from their reaction – don’t own it – OBSERVE it.

    Kinda like the saying ‘ any PR is good PR’ if someone reacts strongly to your work, even in a negative way, think this: “I made something that connected with someone” You don’t know if their bad reaction is because you stirred up a sensitive or hurtful memory for them or made them feel a raw emotion that they weren’t ready to deal with.

    Turn your reaction into compassion and respond from there. You can’t (and shouldn’t) always respond verbally, but you can respond with your expression and body language even if it’s politely moving away.

    The bottom line is that every artist gets bad reviews, it’s part of the business. Let it help you grow and keep creating!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      LOVE that mindset, Roxanne!

  6. Maria Stenvinkel

    Here are my fears in terms of critisim: Who are you to be doing this? You don’t even have an education for it. What you’re suggesting doesn’t work. You’re just talking nonsense. I don’t like the way you look. You’re ugly. Who even has time to listen to you? Why would I ever listen to you? You just want attention. You’re greedy. I think your ego is too big. You don’t even know what you’re talking about. Gosh, how could you forget to include this. You’re a fraud.

    Phewww… there it is out in the open. Thank you Marie!

    • Well done Maria.

    • Thank you Marie!!! I needed to read it to believe I can actually write it down for myself…

    • Maria, were you reading my diary?

    • Hi Marie,
      It is as if you are reading the collective human mostly women fears. So great to put a light on it to all of us. Thanks.
      The nigger the fear, bigger the mission. So go and do it!!

    • Barbara

      Yup you nailed it for me! You said ‘you’re greedy ‘ I’d add ‘you’re just all about money ‘.

  7. Thank you for this episode.

  8. Gail

    Hi Marie! How did you know I needed to see this today? I have my business, know what I want to do, believe I can, but sit and do (mostly) nothing about building the actual business because I am freaked out about what people are going to say. I have 20 years of experience in the non-profit world, served as a social worker and a Peace Corps volunteer, and now want to blog and coach upper middle class populations about how to follow their dreams. I know why and I know my truth, but I can’t get over the fact that some people – esp. those from my former lives – may accuse me of not caring anymore or of being insensitive to people in this world who are poor, suffering, etc. Esp. in terms of my writing, which I write for my audience, but know others will see it, and taken out of context, may not sit well with them (e.g., “you can say all these things because you sit in a place of privilege”) and as a result, when I’m writing, I edit myself a lot to try and meet their criticisms, which doesn’t serve anyone. I realize that it’s my issue and it’s being shown to me so I can reflect on it and work through it. But it helps to have some exercises and know that I am not alone! Thanks.

    • Hi Gail,
      I say Go For It! I can tell from your post, you know your area of expertise. It’s a shame when we don’t express what’s happening on the inside. Jump out of your comfort zone. It’s where the magic happens. ?
      Kick butt,
      Laurie

  9. Angela

    This is an exercise that works!! I did it recently and once I saw my worst criticisms written down on paper and then read aloud, they seemed ridiculous. The things that I feared the most shrivelled up and no longer had a voice. I would definitely recommend that everyone gives this a go.

    • Fantastic Angela! Thanks for doing it, and sharing the results 🙂

    • Thank you for writing this. I’m going to do it today!

  10. Wow, this is so important — I can’t even emphasize this strongly enough. For the past 17 years, I’ve been teaching in an industry that is very jaded and hyper-critical (both inwardly and outwardly toward those who would dare to teach it). Last year, I did a TEDx talk that I was deeply passionate about. I spoke on a subject that I have never spoken on before — much more of my “core purpose”, and well beyond the industry itself. In fact, one of my key insights is that every human being on this planet is unique, with DNA and a life journey that gives each of us a different brain chemistry — so every one of us has something deeply profound to offer. But within ONE week of posting a link to my TEDx talk, I was absolutely ripped apart in an industry podcast. The hosts had clearly not even watched the talk, but they just laid into me. If I’m honest, it was soul-crushing. To be publicly accused of being exactly the opposite of what I am has made this past year extremely rough. The whole time, I’ve been buried to my eyeballs in work on a huge project that can directly benefit (for free) everyone in my industry, and yet those nagging voices are always there to remind you of what might be waiting. Criticism. Harsh, unfair, often brutal criticism. But Marie, you are dead right. EVERYTHING is disliked by somebody. I have decided to expect it. To smile at it. To see it as THEIR journey, which is out of my control. As long as you are honest, true to yourself, and acting in a way that is generous and beneficial to others, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS. You have a unique view on this world that no one else will EVER have. You are here to live it, and to share it — and no one can ever take that away from you. Celebrate your adventure, don’t ever apologize for it.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you, Jeff, but your outlook is incredible. And we totally agree that each person is unique and has something special to offer the world!

    • Gosh Jeff! You are so brave. How difficult it is to be so harshly critiqued by those in your industry. I’m so glad you pushed through the negativity and are KILLING IT on the other side! I’m touched by your story ?

    • BeeBell

      Thank you for sharing Jeff. Bringing things like this into the light of day and sharing with others can be cathartic – not just for you but the reader. As I read these comments I realize that I am not alone and I am not what my critics say. I try to focus on the good things people have said although every once and a while the bad things bubble to the surface like some noxious gas bubble. Best to wait until it just dissipates and then move on. I would love to listen to your TED talk as I also believe your assertion “that every human being on this planet is unique, with DNA and a life journey that gives each of us a different brain chemistry” is true. In the grand scheme of things some small minded individual with their criticism just doesn’t mean much or at least it shouldn’t. Take care.

      • Thanks Beebell (and Sara and Kristin!). I would love for you to check out my TED talk, but I think links are prohibited here. You can find it by searching “Expand Your Imagination… Exponentially”, or just click on my name. If you don’t have time for the whole talk, jump to 10:43 into it and watch the last few minutes — I think it’s extremely relevant to Marie’s topic today, and can really help us get through those self-doubts. I firmly believe that we MUST put ourselves out there DESPITE potential criticism. As Marie says, “the world NEEDS that special gift that only YOU have.” I cannot express how strongly I believe in that. Your life is the source of your imagination — which makes your imagination itself one-of-a-kind. It cannot be wrong. 🙂

        • Tegan Miller

          Thanks for sharing Jeff. I, too would love to see your TED talk!
          I loved “To see it as THEIR journey, which is out of my control.” Could not be more true!

        • Jeff, I’m glad you shared the link — I’m going to have a listen to that (oh, the wonders of internet!)

          My words for this are “your uniqueness is your business”, because I think it’s so important that we understand that so often the things that we may have considered our weaknesses may in fact be our greatest strengths. Which ties into this article of Marie’s, because the criticism feels like “everyone” out there has seen the things in us that we feel least good about, and are laughing or judging or saying “Who are you to be doing this? You don’t even have an education for it. What you’re suggesting doesn’t work. You’re just talking nonsense. I don’t like the way you look. You’re ugly. Who even has time to listen to you? Why would I ever listen to you? You just want attention. You’re greedy. I think your ego is too big. You don’t even know what you’re talking about. Gosh, how could you forget to include this. You’re a fraud.” (thank you, Maria Stenvinkel!)

          And then those other voices come in — “OMG, thank you for saying this, I thought I was the only one, you mean it’s not just me? I feel the same way and this is what I’m doing with it…”

          And the one that meant the most to me: “what you said to me 10 years ago? I couldn’t hear it at the time, but you were right, you’re the only one who’s ever seen or said anything about this to me and I need help; please would you help me because it’s killing me”.

          This, to me, is spiritual work — doing the work that is most core to us, that comes from the most vulnerable part of us.

          So why do I bring in the “b-word”? Because business is a transaction, a give and take. It doesn’t work to empty ourselves out without refilling. It also helps keep the boundaries clear (when I first started coaching I’d coach anyone I came across; now I’m more respectful of both my time and theirs, because — surprise! — not everyone wants to be or is ready to be coached!)

          So Marie-readers? Find what is your unique voice, and share it widely and deeply. Marie is so right — “the world needs that special gift that only you bring.”

          D

        • BeeBell

          Watched your TT and commented. Awesome. Thanks Jeff!

    • Just watched your talk. Great talk! Thank you for sharing your creative work with the world. It was really fantastic and inspiring. Thank you.
      Steph

  11. LAuren michelle

    Oh wow, I relate to this episode! I just came out of the studio with a bunch of amazing top musicans…. and I am just recording my first Ep and only started singing a few years ago… I felt so intimated singing in from of all these technically perfect instrumentalists.. my voice choked up and I couldn’t enjoy myself cos I was so worried they would think I sounded bad! But they didnt… I am my worse critic… and my scariest thought is “What if they say my pitch, tone, rhythm or melody was not right!?”… well, even if they say that, it wont kill me… Thanks Marie!!

  12. Hi Marie! I am a writer. To date , I have self-published 8 books. I have gotten rejections from editors and agents. And my first 1-star rate on Goodreads (with no review to provide constrictive criticism). I basically feel as you said. A lot of people never get one novel out let alone 8 (plus 3 unpublished manuscripts) and the people who have their own self-loathing are also the quickest to criticize in any given situation because they want others to feel low so they have company. First and foremost, I write for me. I could write in a better selling genre to make money, but that wouldn’t make me feel fulfilled. As my dad taught me, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and some smell worse than others. 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Good for you Jennifer. Keep writing!!

  13. Wonderful episode Marie, thank you!

    I keep criticism & the fear of it from crushing me by: having several activities.

    Not only do I do drawings & paintings & sculptures (in an art show now in Paris :)), but I also do business strategy consulting. This helps me to avoid the “all eggs in 1 basket” syndrome & take things too personally. It also helps me keep positive and creating. One of the keys for good artistic production for me is to have a sense of fun while I’m working. Having different activities (sports, business activities, law studies, art) lets me keep things in separate areas and focus on doing my best.
    Interestingly, years ago, when I tried to do just the art, I became so attached to doing just the 1 thing that people’s criticism carried far too much weight. Now, I feel I’ve found a good balance that informs other areas of interest: like a creative ecosystem.

    • This is very interesting Eleanor, thanks for sharing it.
      I am primarily working on my art practice, but I find I’m happier when I have several irons in the fire, and more joyful as well. I tend to think I need to ‘focus more’ to be more effective, but perhaps being disciplined can be viewed in different ways.
      Thanks for the food for thought. Critics are everywhere, it really is their journey, not mine.

  14. Jenni

    Many thanks for this great episode and fab comments above.
    I like to keep in mind the Paulo Coelho quote: ‘Haters are confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody else likes you.’
    The first time I heard it I thought: ‘Naaaah, I wish!’ but the more I’ve looked at it, the more I’ve found it to be true. Especially so when it comes to trolls.

  15. Fear of not being good enough for my potential critics has held me back for sooooo long. Every Marie episode knocks away a little more fear, gives me a little more light and a lot more courage. This episode just blew a whole through my wall of fear. Thanks Marie! I adore you !!!

  16. This made me cry! Thank you for your wisdom and I have a little story to tell. I’m also a singer and composer. A musician in my community recently criticized me in front of a small group friends (I was not present). Well, it wasn’t really a criticism as much as a lack of enthusiasm for my voice. “She’s okay,” he had said. What he did’t know was that one of the people he said this to was my manager. She called me to tell me and it was sooooo painful! He dismissed me! He doesn’t think I’m any good! It hurt me deeply, especially because I was worried that it would create doubt about me in my community. But that community has shown me how much they believe in me, how they stand by my talent and thus the criticism started to all be directed back at him, how he’s an asshole and doesn’t have good taste, etc.

    I saw that the whole thing was hurting both of us so I called the musician. I wanted the gossip and judgment to stop and most of all, I didn’t want this musician to do this to other artists. He’s becoming quite famous and he could really damage not only his reputation but the reputation of the people he criticizes. We had an amazing conversation and he apologized. He acknowledged that it’s only his opinion and he wouldn’t be surprised if his opinion changed in the future, especially since he now knows from our conversation that I’ve been opening for Neil Young! This musician and I have started to become friends. Even if he never changes his mind or believes in me, he respects me. I know that I’m free from his judgment and it was liberating to talk about it with him. There is too much diversity in music, in our tastes, to ever take someone’s opinion as truth. We create our own truth.

    • Mary Jo

      Way to go! You took the high road and look where it got you!! Keep up the great work and remember it’s your art, and you deserve to let it shine!

  17. Great episode Marie!
    As the youngest, I faced criticism from all my (8) older siblings, so I became hyper sensitive to it. Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote is something I learned later in life and have taken to heart. Now, most days (stress most – not all), I’m able to hear the criticism and roll with it as I hold onto my power rather than give it away.
    I’d caution, that this is a process and doesn’t happen overnight, especially if it’s been a lifelong habit. Be patient with yourself!
    Another trick that I was taught (similar to your suggestion to write it down) is to put the demon on your shoulder, acknowledge it, and tell it “you’ve done your job of protecting me, now it’s time for you to go.” Sounds kinda crazy, but it seems to work for me!
    Thanks for all the good vibes and mentoring!

  18. We all have critics who don’t know what they’re talking about and we blow off their criticism because there’s no “truth” to what they’re saying. When I’m working with creative artists, a lot of the time the “crushing fear” is grounded in something they THINK is true about them, and haven’t been able to deal with yet. The fear is perpetuated because they haven’t faced the “truth” in the critique. So I always recommend that an artist look closely at what, specifically, about the critique is hurtful to them. Once they find “the grain of pain”, they can find the grain of truth and deal with it.

    So for example, if a critic tells you that you’re off-key, maybe it hurts because you worked really hard on a passage, but you never did hear it well to begin with – maybe you really WERE off key. So it stings to know that you worked hard and still didn’t hit the mark. Yep. Stuff happens. Now you know what you need to do to improve for next time (pick a different song or spend time wood-shedding that passage until you can nail it every time).
    Very often, fear comes because we don’t know how to resolve the pain. Once we see the truth and can create a plan of action, the pain vanishes, because we’ve got action we can take to solve the problem.

    • Nina

      Lisa, that is such a great response. I think a lot of times the advice in respect of handling criticism is “Brush it off! They are just haters who are being mean / don’t know what they are talking about / just have a different taste.” HOWEVER. The grain of pain is often the grain of truth. Sometimes you are afraid of the criticism revealing the truth that you need to work harder / get better, or maybe even choose a different field.

  19. Just a day before I was torn down because of the same damn thing ‘critics’, as I’m an Interior Designer practicing it for four years from now, we come across these kind of clients alot and it’s very difficult to deal with them as we have to face them till a project gets over. This article was really very helpful for me. Thank you.

  20. LA

    Yesterday, I was a little upset and had to smack myself back to reality by remembering who I am and what my heart stands for. In short, a top producer whom I worked with on a challenging project, gave me a compliment by saying she never could have gotten through the deal if I hadn’t been there to handle the sellers and a difficult agent. She said she loved how I have a rapport with people, putting them at ease in the especially difficult times. THEN, she said she hates “all that sappyness” and she sees what I post on Facebook and absolutely hated some sweet feedback a client of ours has toward me. My heart sank. On one hand, the compliment meant so much as I truly respect the work and integrity this person has, then when I heard “sappy”, it completely kicked the compliment out the door. Sometimes you can sense a person’s mindset from the words that slip from their lips ?

  21. I sometimes get excited by criticism if it’s from someone I respect. It means they’re consuming what I’m producing and I’m not laboring in anonymity. Other times it’s crushing. Just like you mentioned, I do journal about it and that helps me. My goal is to continue creating no matter what.

  22. First let’s talk about synchronicity. I was watching the bonuses of B SCHoOL after I have done my feedback of the year ( really enthusiasm even I’m a alumni of 2014)
    Video was great and the information about affiliates interest me so I decide to look further and I google it, and strangely I fall on article very critical about B school.

    I was perplex, I was just in the enthusiasm on my own feedback, I feel doubt starting creeping in me, even my decisions was in my back.
    And I saw how criticism is a killer, for everyone in every area and in time.

    I struggle with that question in a critical way some years ago when I was launched myself in the same area of one of my mentor, even I have years of practice I was afraid of reaction of my mentor, people who where around my mentor.
    What make me overcome, passion, the fact that I feel good when I’m in and the feedback of my clients.
    And also never forget that most of our fears of criticism are our projections on other, so the exercise of writing them done is perfect.
    People will always punch you where they see you weak, it’s barely primal and instinctive, a kind of self defense on their own lack of courage.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Hadda, thank you for taking the time to share your B-School feedback with us. We so appreciate it! I love what you said about criticism being primal and like a self defense. There’s no way to escape criticism if you’re doing something creative, but that doesn’t make someone else wrong for disagreeing. And just like you saw someone online being critical about B-School, that doesn’t negate your enthusiasm for the program at all. Your experience is unique to you – and it means the world to us that our program helped you!

  23. Wow, what a great exercise!

    I am an expert (if I say it enough, I will believe it) Photographer and Graphic Designer. I am trying to make a living doing what I love and loving what I do.

    My biggest fear is that people will HATE my photos… but I haven’t even had anyone tell me they don’t like them yet and I’ve been doing this for years!

    My biggest critic is MYSELF! I spend way too much time researching my competition and not enough time on creating ME. I think (I know) that if I dedicated more time to my own work, I could really make a difference.

    Thank you for helping me realize this. Next exercise? Take time to write, reflect, create and execute!

  24. Becky

    I feel that I fail at this all the time. I find that I second guess myself more and take others opinion way to personal. This video was great! Thank you for the small bit of positivity today!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      You’re so not alone, Becky! Glad this video helped 🙂

  25. When you create , live in the public spotlight or just do more than others, you will be criticized. I have been called obnoxious, irritating, attention seeking, loud mouthed, ugly, a show-off and much more. Through a different lens, I am outgoing, charismatic, confident, stand up for what I believe in, authentic and unique.
    The very things that allow many to appreciate what I do are the same things many dislike me for.
    Anyone who goes without criticism also goes unnoticed.

  26. Christina Gouveia

    My best defence of criticism is hearing what others are trying to conveigh. “What can I learn from this?”, and truly embracing the message of their suggestion rather than taking it at face value. Does that make sense? I’m a registered massage therapist and when I have written blog posts there is ALWAYS someone who wants the FACTS behind my claims, the scientific research that’s shows “I know what I’m talking about.” Well, it’s in our texts books, it’s taught in classes. It’s not a secret. After conversations/confronting these critics- cuz I wanna know where their line of questioning is coming from- it usually those critics weren’t supported in their venture & so they feel the need to tear someone else down. Writing a list is a great idea- speaking the words aloud are so profound- and then the moment is gone & you survived!

  27. Lorrie Beauchamp

    We are on a small planet circling the sun, in a solar system whizzing through a vast unknown universe; a simple species of sentient beings with extremely limited capabilities. This is how I deal with criticism. Does it really matter what someone else thinks? Does anything really matter?

    I am a highly-sensitive creative person who is crushed to dust by the merest hint of negativity from someone I am trying to appease or get affirmation from, or from a complete stranger who mirrors my darkest fears; keeping the big picture in mind is instantly soothing.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      WOW Lorrie, that is an INCREDIBLE mindset. I love it. Definitely going to keep that big picture thought in mind!

    • Ellen

      YES, Lorrie…my FAV reminder along the same lines is: “There are 200 thousand, million suns in our galaxy alone and more galaxies in the Universe, than there are grains of sand on our planet.” Thanks for sharing 🙂

  28. This is a great episode! I felt like a big part of me as well as any creative out there can relate to this. I’m a money strategist/coach and travel expert. I have no formal training but have been working informally with clients and creating strategies to pay off student loan debt. My husband and I paid off over $120,000 in 5 years and we were able to travel to other countries like Australia, England, and Paris using systems. At first I felt like a fraud telling people that I could help them too by teaching them simple strategies to pay off debt while traveling for free BUT now I don’t. I realize that some people don’t have the mindset to want to change and aren’t willing to learn new tricks to make this happen, they just want to complain and criticize. This episode gives me the push to keep going because no matter what people say, I already helped over 2 dozen people on this journey and I just got started.

    Thanks Marie and team for sharing this with the world and giving us creatives the strength and courage to keep going on our journey!

  29. Tara Falcone

    Marie, some Tuesday’s, it’s as if you have a direct line to my soul 😀

    So many of us are our own worst critics, me included. Since finishing B-School, I’ve been working on my next investment education unit all about 401(k)s. It’s taking me longer than I had planned because I feel as if I have to keep answering to that nagging, fearful voice in the back of my head…”How is this any different than what currently exists?”… “Why would anyone want to learn from you? You don’t have a three-letter designation after your name!”… “You want to be the female Warren Buffett? C’mon…”

    BUT, I’ve found that channeling my inner Robert Frost does the trick! I simply remind myself that I am taking the road less traveled by, and it WILL make all the difference.

    Oodles of gratitude,
    Tara

    PS. Feel free to tap that line to my soul anytime, especially if it helps create content like this! Haha

  30. Maria Quina

    Thank you so much for this episode and all the great advice.
    This is all new, to me.
    I leave in Portugal, Lisbon, and after my children being older, I decided to get some advice about positive thinking and I have “discoverer” (?) you , with your knowledge and passion online.

    Many times in my life I hear that I’m to old to do something new,( I am 53 years old) like writing a blog. What I have begining to do .

    I’m very sorry about my english, ist not very good…
    I understand everything I hear but i don’t know how to write ,very well.
    It’s very important to me , to change opinions allover .
    I write this comment, because, in a positive way, I believe in the importance of the feedback , and I also believe in the importance of the women helped each other to suceed.
    I’m so happy that are people like you, Marie . Believe me, your blogs, videos and channel makes the diference for many women like me, who do not leave in U.S.A.
    Thank you so mutch for being there

    With all my respect

    Maria Quina

    • Grace

      Maria, you are never too old! I started to reinvent my life with my passion in music in my 50’s. I expect to be playing music for decades. I would be such a sad person if I did not take that step in my 50’s. My best to you.

  31. Ioana

    My criticism: You’re stupid, nobody cares what you think. Your ideas are stupid. You don’t have anything interesting to say. Nobody wants to see you or hear what you have to say, or what you do. You are completely boring, stupid and uninteresting. You’re fat, you eat too much. You don’t have a job. You don’t want to work. You don’t know what you want to do with your life. You are complete failure. You’re too old to become a dancer. You’re too serious, why are you so silent? You’re antisocial. You’re selfish. You’re too lazy, you don’t do anything all day. You have no skills, no talents, nobody needs you or wishes to hire you, since you have nothing to offer.

    • Ellen

      Thanks, Ioana…as I read your comment/share, I thought, “Wow! I could cut/paste most of this as my own self-judgment”.
      There’s only one criticism I have…your last statement is wrong: “…you have nothing to offer”. I really appreciated how honestly open you were…it’s very freeing and courageous. You helped me a lot and I don’t even know you…it’s far less scary knowing there’s someone else out there having the same thoughts. All the best in whatever you ‘don’t do’!! 😉

  32. Pamela Gold

    “You are a fraud” – that is pretty much my deepest wound possible. Saying and it and sharing it does help, thank you!

  33. Grace

    I am a musician, and decided to change direction later in life by taking up a new instrument that fits me better. So, in a few weeks, my first performance outside the safety of jam sessions with music buddies will be in front of some very critical people. In preparing for this, I have just decided to play what I like best instead of falling into a trap of focusing on what might please “them.” I am never going to please everyone anyway! The only exception is I am going to make sure 2 of the 3 tunes are upbeat and fast, because it is a party. What helps is thinking of the potential critics and how they never grew up in a musical home, and have no idea of all the effort that goes into being a musician. It’s not just talent, it is years and years of being the trenches and learning to do what I do, with a big dose of persistence. I love the ghost image in this video and how, when the lights are turned on, it is just someone with a cape. I think that is what this experience will be like for me.

  34. Love this tip on criticism. I am totally my worst enemy and also a creative type! I recently helped write a leadership book that was going gang-busters, and it’s recently gone quiet in terms of sales, reviews, etc. Sometimes the silence is the scariest in terms of criticism. Breathing through that one, knowing deep down that the book has so much to offer, trying not to be my own worst critic while wondering about all the silence!

  35. Love it Marie! I’ll be honest and say I still battle this ‘feeling’ of letting what others think – opinions, criticism, etc. not let it effect me! Especially in my line of work. I am in a service oriented role where I support multiple clients and often it can feel like a thankless job. Ultimately, I’ve come a long way and learned that I will never be able to please everyone and make everyone happy and even so, it does not mean I am any less worthy or that someones opinion of me or what I do determines my value. It’s a work in progress but I’m happy to say I’ve learned some good lessons over the years and I loved hearing your message today! Great reminder! Thanks, Lisa xo

  36. Oh, criticism is so difficult to take it, especially when you work so hard on your project and especially when the person who criticizes you is close to you. I do wedding photography and I have person in my life who speaks to me almost on a daily basis and never compliments me on my work but only criticizes me and compares me to others in my industry. This is very hurtful even though I realize that these comments are completely irrelevant because all my clients are in love with their photos. I am trying to limit my conversations to very basic level and try to stop the conversation when it come to photography topics but because it is a relative it’s very difficult to do. I am still to have a talk with this person on how I feel that they are disrespecting me but it’s hard to find the right words in the moment.

    I will definitely try the ‘writing it down’ technique! Thank you so much!

  37. Oh wow! You were speaking RIGHT to me on so many levels! Wow. Thank you so much!!

    I too am a singer/songwriter and have been asking this very same question. Where I finally landed was telling myself the following :

    “Dear self, some will see you walk on water and say, ‘It’s because she can’t swim.’ Some will see you fly and say, ‘It’s because she can’t walk.’ Moral of the story? Some people’s ‘Haterade’ is insatiable. They’ll find something wrong with what you do no matter how good, creative, or ground-breaking it is! So stop trying to be liked by everyone! Instead, focus on making a difference. Think IMPACT; not APPROVAL, and it will make navigating the waters of public scrutiny so much easier! ”

    Thank you for this video and what you do, Marie! I look up to you so much!!

    Sincerely,
    Naida Lynn

    • Erica

      Great perspective Nadia!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Yes yes yes, Naida. This is an incredible perspective to have!

    • So true, Naida!

    • Love this, Naida! As a musician, I’ve felt most comfortable when the music I’m performing expresses my heart and soul and even tho’ I may not see the response I would like (I sing for senior citizens in long term care) my joy doesn’t need to be diminished. I hadn’t articulated it the way you did: “Impact vs. Approval” but that’s exactly what I’m going for. And, I’ve learned that the impact and approval are usually experienced even if I don’t see it while singing. Thank you for your thoughts!

  38. FINALLY!! I figured it out! After watching many MarieTV episodes, I finally figured out what the “eighty-year Q” is – no it’s not the wisdom of a woman in her 80’s but the A to your Q – the Answer to your Question.” This is embarrassingly an aha moment for me!!! I can’t stop laughing!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      You got it, Erica!! 🙂

  39. Dear Marie,
    I’m using you as my soulful soundboard…:-)

    you suck, you call that talent? you have no original ideas , you don’t have skills, your art looks like a kid made it, you have nothing important to offer the world , you’re crazy, delusional, no ones likes your art, your art isn’t good art it’s craft, ? you’ll never make it ,
    the only thing you have to offer the world is art and even it sucks.

    whoaaaa my critic is a real beast! now I’m going to flip those thoughts and ask… “HOW can I make this energy serve and strengthen me? ”
    I can tell, I’ll use this exercise again and again! what a relief to free the beast!!!

    xo devoted bschooler
    Stephanie

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Free the beast, Stephanie! SO glad this exercise is one you’ll come back to again and again. And whatever you do, don’t stop making your art 🙂

  40. Marie,

    First I just want to say thank you for being real and not throwing around the b******* because there’s way too much b******* in this world. Secondly thank you for giving us the courage to find what we love to do and not what others think we SHOULD do. I recently completed chemo and radiation treatment for stage IIIc uterine cancer. I’ve always loved creating things but never had the confidence, self esteem, or belief in myself that what I create is worthy of being out in the world. Why it has taken me 56 years to realize others opinions mean jack shit, I don’t know. But what I now know is, we all need to find what we love and do it, be it, live it and celebrate it. No one can hold you up like you can. We need to stop believing what other people think and say and listen to oyr hearts. Being able to create something with my hands has always been a part of who I am, I don’t even think about it, I just know I need to do it. So at this late stage in the game at 50 f****** 6 and Fabulous I am pursuing my dream of making a living working with my hands. There’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t want to see you happy for whatever reason, and that my friends is their loss and problem. When I now encounter those individuals I don’t allow them in my life. I creatively do a few hand gestures and go dance in the rain. Be true to your heart. Thank you for building us up!
    Linda

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Linda, your insights, honesty, bravery, and confidence are GORGEOUS. The word congratulations seems trivial in light of what you’ve just made it through, but we’re sending you MASSIVE congratulations and celebrations for having completed chemo and radiation treatment. We can feel your determination to be true to your own heart moving forward, and that’s incredibly exciting. XOXO

  41. Emily

    This is so timely! Honestly, I just got one of the worst professional reviews of my life. As a writer, I love honest feedback, and am no stranger to criticism, in public and in a workshop. I’ve really learned to embrace it and learn a lot from of it.
    But Lord all mighty, I had never been taken down so hard by someone I trust. Some of it was honest stuff that I had to admit to myself. And after the initial sting, it feels good to be honest! But there were some low blows mixed in where she was going for blood. For the past few weeks it’s been hard to get back up. I think I was just scared of how small she made me feel. But: the Eleanor Roosevelt quote is medicine for my soul: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
    As often happens in a situation like this, a crossroads has been created. Sometimes criticism (true or false) simply points out an unsustainable situation and the need for change. My ego is patching itself up and I’m am navigating a situation where I’ll be a lot happier. It just feels good to write it out loud on my favorite online forum.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Emily, we’re so glad you’re tuning in today and sharing this here, and we LOVE having you in our MarieTV family. It sounds like you’re seeing it all in perspective and totally on track for making lovely things come out of the crossroads that’s been presented. We hope you keep that Eleanor Roosevelt quote in your pocket and be ever so kind yourself these next few weeks especially.

      • Emily

        That is so thoughtful! You made my day, thank you!

  42. Love it Marie!! I stay above the noise by knowing that I am destined to be great at my art and knowing that God put me here for this purpose! When life leads you down a path as an artist, you can’t deny it. I just focus on my dreams and allow my heart to do the talking 🙂 I feel like this day in age having “haters” just means you are worth talking about — — and that for some reason they fear you! ?

  43. Love this episode as usual 🙂
    How I deal with fear of criticism is accepting that I can’t please everyone. I love Marie and everything that she does but that does not mean that my neighbor next door may like her work. Same applies to anything : art, medicine, mechanics, bloggers, teachers, etc…
    Staying focused on my goal helps me improve and always reminding myself not to take whatever is written personally which is hard. If they don’t like your content that does not mean they don’t like u personally and vise versa.

  44. Sophie Moreau

    Love the tone of this episode! Super direct and bamm!, like a slap in the face to wake up to MY own inner critique! TY Marie 🙂

  45. I realized that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they are free to share it just like I am free to share mine. But it is just that, their opinion, and I always thank others for having them. Thanking them, even if its nasty, makes me feel like I take the power away from them and return it to myself. They aren’t hurting me if I choose to be grateful for their opinion.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, so true Laura!

  46. Thank you Marie. I coach creatives to get their big dreams off the back burner. Criticism especially in the form of the inner critic is one of the biggest pitfalls my clients face. Self-criticism and the fear of failure. It’s been my experience and tested throughout time that successful people don’t stop when they receive critical feedback. J. K. Rowling, author of Harry Potter was advised to get a day job by a Bloomsbury editor.
    I am going to share this episode of Marie TV with a singer song writer who’s guitar has been gathering dust in the corner. She gave me one of her albums to listen to. I was amazed by her talent. When I next drove my Mini Cooper I forgot I’d been listening to her CD and thought I was listening to Sirius XM radio.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Don’t you love knowing that about J.K. Rowling?! It’s so helpful when we think of the criticism we may receive as being a crush to our confidence, or even right in some way. So glad you brought that up! Onward 🙂

  47. I really am sensitive to criticism. I find being around people who are uplifting and who are encouraging rather than criticising really helps me. As at least you can pick your friends 🙂

  48. Oh sweet Marie! I am so honored that you answered my question (I’m pretty sure it was my question, unless there was another singer/songwriter named Annemarie who asked the exact same question 🙂 I watch your videos at least once a week and I have already learned so much about how to deal with criticism, how to be kind without being a doormat, how to follow my “fears” etc. I absolutely LOVE your answers here too. It made me come to a realization: the people I know who are the most critical aren’t out there creating a lot of beautiful, life-giving art. It takes bravery to put your art, music, writing, and soul out there. It doesn’t take bravery to be a critic. I want to choose the brave way. I will try these three steps this week. I am looking forward to sharing your video with my friends and family, journaling about my fears, memorizing that Eleanor quote, and politely asking my critics when they’re going to put themselves out there! Thank you so very much Marie, for answering my question. You are such an inspiration, beautiful soul, and generous genius who makes a lasting difference in the world!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Annemarie, thank YOU for sharing this amazing question with us! It’s helping so many people already 🙂

  49. Marie, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this episode!
    Although I’m in a visual art field, I can so relate…
    xoxo

  50. Hi Marie,
    I am just getting to know you. I met you on the interview you did with Chase Jarvis on CreativeLive. My daughter Mary is also named after Jesus’ mom. I am an artist and this message helped encourage my heart. I feel freer now to create. Thanks for the encouragement!
    Love, Shirah

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Welcome, Shirah! So wonderful to hear that this episode of MarieTV encouraged you so much 🙂

  51. I am well aware that for every 1 person who hates me there are 10 that love me so I always try to keep that in mind.

    Hearing praise is something we all love and want more of, so I try to pay that forward as much as I can. To let ppl know when they do or provide something I love so that I also get it back in return.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, and probably more like 1:100 or 1:1,000! Love the idea of paying it forward too, Kyra.

  52. such a timely post for me. i have been creating a women’s empowerment group + therapeutic book club with another colleauge/friend/psychotherapist in my practice. this week, i started to market it to twitter, linkedin, Facebook, etc. yesterday, THE WELL KNOWN AUTHOR of the book, saw my event and publicly commented that my (well crafted and fun) group went against her mission/point of her book and was serving ego. then she posted about it on her page in a more vague way. instantly, i felt like i was sitting in catholic school and (perhaps well meaning, however, harsh) nun rapped me on the wrist and sent me to proverbial hell. “I DISAPPOINTED THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK I BELIEVE IN, PROMOTE AND LOVE.” however, since i am also an independent thinker and part rule follower (triple capricorn,) part rabble rouser (raised by wolves,) i pulled myself from the ledge and grounded myself in what i know to be my true intentions in creating this group for women. voila bitches! instant freedom. i’m staying on my game Marie. xo

  53. Hey Marie,
    First off, if someone critiqued you while you’re wearing that dress, they’re just jealous LOL. Loved your suggestions and video content. And: any outer critic is only reflecting the critical voice or fear we have inside, projected out. If it’s coming, it’s made visible or audible, which is actually GREAT. “Ah, thanks for sharing that. That’s so sweet of you.” Not even meant in a sarcastic way, because they DO give the opportunity to dissolve that fear voice inside of us:

    See it out there, change it in here.

    Easy to say when it’s not JUST happening to you and you feel hurt, right?
    But so good to remember.
    Many blessings to you all and amp up the good stuff even more. Success is the best retort. That’s a tweetable from me, teehee.
    Big grin,
    Tanya

  54. Azzy

    Thank you Marie and Team,
    It’s a great exercise of facing your fears, Ill will be definitely doing that..

    I like to look at criticism as an opinion, at one moment of time, and people have many opinions…
    I like to give thought only to constructive opinions…

    n guys, if there are no risks and fear of criticism is the only thing that is stopping you from sharing you art with the world, then please go ahead, we need you…

    Thanks again…

  55. This video should be the first Bschool video 🙂 I think it’s what most people are afraid of and after you get a hold of dealing with criticism, the world really is your oyster!

    Thanks Marie.

    xoxo LL

  56. Criticism — any kind at all — used to crush me. It still stings. But as a writer, I know that every reader completes a story in her own way. In other words, ten people reading the same story will end up reading ten different stories. I think this is true for any art. What the critic says is as much about them as it is about the creator of the work.
    Also, the negative critics are so SMALL. Most of them, anyway. It is a safe and easy job.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Absolutely agree, Lindsay. Art is all about interpretation – and what those ten people bring to their readings of the same story are ten unique experiences and ten interpretations!

  57. “Give your critics a voice.” ….YES!!!
    I have found that it’s only when those fear voices are buried and pushed down that they start ruling my life.

    This is the foundation of what I love to do! It’s so interesting — bc I work with EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique… and the first thing I do with my clients (and what my coach does with me!) is to honor those fear voices and let them say all the crazy, neurotic, unkind things they need to say. It’s absolutely A M A Z I N G what happens when we just let them speak.

    How do I not let criticism (or the fear of it) crush me? … I find that as soon as I enter a space where I’m believing any of that BS, I have 2 options. The first is to consciously zone out and disconnect. Let myself just feel what I need to feel (and put a time-container around it — for example: “I’m going to let myself sulk for the rest of the night and then I’ll start again tomorrow.”) Zoning out usually looks like resting, lighting a candle or two and watching a movie or a Scandal marathon. 🙂

    The second option, which I usually prefer, is to CREATE MORE. I find that conscious creation is the BEST way to get out of any negativity. Whether it’s writing, teaching, making new Instagram posts — whatever — it feels like I get to take the energy of what feels bad and alchemize it for good. THAT is ALWAYS really powerful stuff.

    Great video. Thank you, Marie! xoxo

    PS: Supplies! Ha! 😛

  58. 2. How do you personally keep criticism (whether real or the fear of it) from blocking your creativity?

    My recipe for blocking real criticism, is easy , I log in to my bank app on my my phone and check to see who is paying my bills.

    As for the fear of of criticism I try to keep in mind that we all go to the bathroom, so I know that no human is any better then I or anyone else.

    Sounds sort of silly even when I write it but its all try, I keep it simple. Life is beautiful and so much wonderful things to do to worry about what was or wasn’t said.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      LOVE it, Zoraida!

  59. bo

    I’ve been criticized and I deal with it for the most part by ignoring it & moving forward anyway.. yet in the back of my mind I wonder, is there any truth to it or is that person/s just trying to knock me down to stall me (the criticism always comes from person/s competing against me). The actual criticism I get over but the purpose behind the criticism is what I get stuck on. I do not put others down and I don’t critique them UNLESS they ask me to. Some of these folks do it w/ out thinking as if it’s their God given right to spew their opinion on everyone else, as if THEY are an authority on the subject. I counteract criticism by stating reaffirmations to myself that contradict what was said. I also work hard to improve my game.

    • Thank you for telling your story. It helped me a lot. I, too, am I writer. My first book was published two years ago and I am really proud of it. Yet, it’s been remarkable how much shame and self-doubt comes with even the tiniest bit of fame. Whole Foods picked up my book: hooray! Then I got my first two-star rating on Amazon. (Clearly, not such a big deal, but I read each part of the review and internalized its inconsistencies.) Similarly, every time a magazine has turned down an article or a scientist has said no to an interview, I give it the same (or greater) weight than the positive thing (even if the positive is a much bigger positive). I’m going right now to defeat the boogey-man by writing down the negative statements. Perhaps, I will even use it in my next book in some way. Thanks for the sharing Elloa and for the great, positive, powerful suggestions Marie!

  60. I have been in business (as a photographer) for almost 8 years now. By now I have had enough praise, happy clients, and successes now, to not let criticism in general hurt me.

    I am now able to shrug it off immidiately unless it is coming from one of my target/ideal clients or from someone in my network whose opinion I trust 100%

    I think I reached this state of mind by being brave and frequently ASKING for ‘brutal’/honest critique from people who I know have my best interests at heart and who are intelligent, knowledgeable, and creative. By frequently exposing myself to potentially hurtful but loving criticism I am no longer as sensible.

    It has also taught me the difference between criticism that is no use to me, and criticism that drive me forward and improve my art, my service and myself 🙂

  61. It started early in grade school, kids poking fun at me and ridiculing me because my parents were “greenhorns” mean fresh off the boat, my mom from Rio de Janeiro and my dad was much older and from San Miguel, The Azores. My mom was 20 something and my dad was 37. We didn’t speak English. So the girls taunted me and made fun of me for being different, weird, for having young parents, for not speaking English. I remember looking at the girls who were making fun of me and saying that I looked up the word Weird in the dictionary and that being Weird means I’m special. I said “Thank you for telling me I’m special.”
    But their words did sting. It didn’t help that a Catholic nun placed me in front of the class and encouraged the kids to make fun of me for being a left handed person or that she made me take off my brand new navy blue skirt and replaced it with an ugly black one which went down to my ankles. Oh how everyone laughed at me. My mom pulled me and my 3 brothers from Catholic school. That was my first experience with mean people.
    Through out my life I’ve had people, mostly women try to devour me. Insults, gossip and slander as I became successful in high tech, or socially as I was fortunate to attract good things to me, or the time a coworker in high tech was causing division among the team so I was being mistreats and misperceived – but I kept showing up and would give the best of me because in due time it was revealed that she was lying and stealing the credit for my good work. Everyone was humbled and apologized to me and it was a lesson learned NOT TO BELIEVE what you hear about a person, even if there is a long history with the person doing the “bad mouthing”, it is super important to learn for yourself. This jumping on the bandwagon on anti-Ana or anti-human being campaign serves no one. It causes division and damage. Some people will never recover and go into isolation and the world misses out on a beautiful gift. For me, I’m a survivor of abuse and learned to dig my heels in and appreciate myself regardless of lack of support. Prayer and faith in God got me through some tough times. People can benefit to learn how to tell someone how to improve vs. bashing a person’s character, causing emotional wounds. Words have power but at the end of the day, don’t place your faith in a human being. The only person who defines you is God since He formed you in your mother’s womb, and called you “good”
    We are all so precious and it’s so important not to give people so much power over our identity and well being.
    Real friends who are healthy and whole will cheer you on. And one good loyal friend is better than 10 not so good friends. Our time here on earth is precious too, it’s important not to get side-swiped by criticism or hurtful critical remarks. It’s a good test to see where you’re at with yourself. You know what part is true and what part is exaggerated, yet you can take it and apply what is appropriate for your growth and life.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Ana Lucia, this is such a powerful comment. Thank you for sharing your experience and also sharing your incredible mindset with us. I love the reminder that, deep down, we know which parts of criticism are true and which aren’t. It’s all about knowing yourself well and of course, trusting yourself.

  62. Shoaibraj

    Thanks Merie & team forleo, the most important episode ‘criticism’ ,when i was child , this time i like sports, people known me & given inspiration bcoz was well performance, at a time- i see dream , fill geas famous in world. Suddenly one day early morning ,listen a beauty girl waiting for me. says my uncle -then i agree & meeted the girl, continue speak with girl ,Really girl was awesome & attractive , after some day i fill in love , continue talking by letter 2 years, the girl( 16 years) above one day her marride is in front my eyes. i fill more pain ,i’m crying & upset my creativity & power, known people relative nothing to conducts with their, 7 years gone from my life, oh sheet what i do, & i fill, a new life grow up my life from now. i’m tried some business stabilise, i believe” never give up hope” some pain some upset some dream & have more my confidence & courage mind says go ahead without some one help trying as some one work of business. now my little company as Baaz multimedia-(lyrics, tuner, drama, music video, event management section.) another Ak engineering & technology as- lift, generator central cooling system ,sub-station cctv), & newsbdworld online news paper coming soon. I think, If man can confidential try, then will most success. SO I WANT TO SAY- I have some Idea for Business, great environment for world , as” First Green Led platinum certify sweater factory in BANGLADESH. ( its a big market in world, & better place in Bangladesh, have profile but need as – 1) 15 bigha land, 2) foreign fund 3) man power 4 ) 3500 laber 5) 6) Auto machine 1000pc 7 ) Building construction , canbe total project cost- seventy five million dollars ( 75,00000) $.

  63. This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I’ve been so scarred from my first experience with ‘trolls’ that it’s definitely hindered my desire to create. This post helps.
    Thanks Marie – keep up the great stuff!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thrilled to hear that, Jessica. Keep on creating!!

  64. Shirley Zago

    Hi Marie, I am sure that many of us who have lived a life that was not authentic is very much aware of ones who do not want us to thrive. Tapping into our creativity is amazing and it can take us from reality to which can be very difficult to a place of stress free. Creating is one thing but marketing is another. I love the teachings of Abraham because it really is about the journey. When we can hold the vision of knowing that it is on it’s way, it becomes about the feeling. Even imagining that the naysayers find their journey will help us on our journey.

  65. I try to use the advice from other video Marie talks about the “flash lights”, that helps me a lot to avoid fear of criticism.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      That is such a good tip – I love Marie’s flashlight concept!

  66. Kristina

    My biggest fear is to be criticized as not competent, fake person. I’m respobsible for a team of ten lawyers without being a lawyer myself and sometimes I find it hard to prove that I can add value to my team even without having the formal eduction. I guess what does not kill us makes us stronger and it is just taff lifeschool. All the best, Kristina

  67. Tammy

    There’s a critic in all of us. Learn to realize and accept that fact. The best part is, you are the one who decides what to do with the criticism. You can build on it and let it make you a better person, you can let it define you and get you down or you can just throw it away. Never let it stop you from reaching your goals in life. You may have those who criticize you but you will also have those who loves you (your amen corner). Years ago while having a discussion with someone they muttered that old saying “well that’s a matter of opinion.” and I replied, “I decide who’s opinion matters.” 🙂 They looked a bit surprised but knew what I meant. I wasn’t being sarcastic, just friendly and discrete.

  68. As always Marie, bravo my dear friend, bravo!

    As an aspiring author I constantly remind myself that not everyone love or even understand my passion, my journey. That’s why it’s mine. Plus, I no longer take criticism personal, now that has been life-changing.

  69. Dear Marie, you are so unique and super special!!! I love this video to keep it in our minds every moment in our lives.
    I already subscribed to your program and I had the opportunity to see and listen to you at the last Oprah’s program and you did such a great and fantastic presentation that I need to congratulate you. What a memory, what a capacity to express every single detail with no one mistake!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Nancy! We’re thrilled you watched the Super Soul Sessions talk Marie gave, and love that you enjoyed it so much.

  70. Diane Dawson

    My biggest critic is my mother’s voice in my head. She always told me I was stupid, not to bother to compete in anything, was too unattractive to make it, and had nothing to offer.
    For 50 years I believed her and hid myself. I was crushed and felt if my own parents didn’t love me than how can I expect anyone in the world to love me.
    Today I realize she was talking about what she thought about herself.
    I am amazing and grateful every day for having the guts to face and vanquish my harshest critic.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Diane, what a powerful and also heartbreaking realization about your mother really feeling those things about herself. I think that’s where a lot of criticism stems from, and part of the reason why Mare encourages you to write down your own worst, most-feared criticism of yourself.

      Seeing it that way is a wonderful thing because it not only takes the sting out of the criticism in some ways, but also can foster compassion for that person in our own hearts — compassion around someone feeling so hateful towards themselves.

      Thank you for sharing!

  71. Bruce

    You said everything a person loves (including another person) is disliked by somebody. Are you saying there’s someone on this planet who dislikes Donald Trump? I find that very hard to believe.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      HA!

  72. Oh my gosh, Marie!

    This is my BIGGEST hurdle as an entrepreneur. I’m a freelance journalist, and I also sell my advice in the form of e-courses and one-on-one coaching. I give away tons of free advice on my blog, but I’ve always been terrified that someone would call me out for charging money for my knowledge.

    Then, one day it happened. As Marie predicted, it happened in public, on a HUGE Facebook group for my whole community to see. It was a big fat “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” and I was mortified.

    I had a physical reaction when I saw the post. I think my vision actually blurred for a second. haha

    But I gathered as much support around me as I could and moved forward. Eventually I wrote a blog post about it, and it has been my most read post by far! I also gained more newsletter subscribers from that Facebook interaction than any other single day. Over 200 people visited my site in one hour!

    I learned that sometimes it’s good to be forced to defend your value and confront the thoughts that you KNOW some people are thinking about your business.

    Thanks Marie!!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      YES! Good for you, Ashley.

  73. Hey Kids!!
    I was reading Elloa’s comments and it brought back an incident for me that actually was a bit of life changing.
    I’m 50 (cough, cough) and way back when the “internet” first started, I was reading a TV Engineering trade magazine online & typed up and editorial comment; never thinking the dang thing would be published! Basically it was about how men didn’t bring their daughters to work in the engineering field – (now remember this was back in 2000!) and what female engineers felt on the subject. Well, I did speak of criticism I received at work; i.e., “are you afraid you’re gonna break a nail?” things of that nature.
    Little did I realize when I wrote my thoughts, that there would be a man at work that would copy the editorial response and post it around the ENTIRE office. The kitchen, the studio – it also became bathroom reading as well, I later found out.
    The one thing that helped me on that embarrassing day? Three women that I worked with, came up to me and told me how well written the response. They were proud of how I represented them with grace and humor. I choke up even now.
    I now work on having my own company & also work in television p/t and there is criticism flying everywhere. I like to think, that my advanced age has helped me react with logic rather than emotion; but I do always go back to that editorial response from long ago.
    Two Christmas’ ago a customer threaten me via email on giving me a bad rating if I didn’t give her a free item or a discount; and I told her, “shame on her.”
    Exactly, what I said was, “if you feel that, then write it. And shame on you – you know deep in your heart that you wouldn’t never say these things to my face if we were to meet and that I gave you quality service & items.”
    The rating that was given was average and that was fine with me.
    I truly believe that I have learned through my experiences and have grown stronger.

    Sadly, there will be people who will be envious or just have tight undies and feel the need to strike out. I’ve tried to learn to look at a critique as “fascinating” rather than, “hey!!” As Elloa stated, after so much time has passed, she started to laugh; and, time is the big save for us all.

  74. Stephanie

    I’m so glad this topic was discussed! It can be so crushing and so difficult to not let criticism affect your creativity especially since a lot of us creative types tend to be sensitive 🙂

    Something that helps me when I receive a not so nice comment is I’ll immediately go write a positive comment on someone else’s work. It’s like shouting to the universe I’m not accepting this negativity I’m going to turn it into something positive!

    I also try keeping a running list of all the nice feedback I receive so I can look through that when I’m feeling down.

  75. Gabriel

    Gabriel.
    Hello my friend Marie, for me I think keeping cool is the best answer the time of criticism and the fear of it. Intellectual life style always does criticism what none intellectual dislikes.
    Think about when a student gives out his/her home work to his/her teacher , do you think the teacher will take that home work without any correction or without comment about it?
    Fear of criticism is always good because we all expect good positive attitude to everything we do ,but some times we do forget that we may make mistakes too. So for me as your friend who like to hear everything you say as good all the time, I can’t say no criticism to your work. I will always appreciate every thing you do or you say. I don’t have no problem at all with you. So don’t worry my friends. Keep your good smiling, every thing is good between you and me. It is up to others what they want say about you ,they will act they way they want themselves.

    Thank you Marie, don’t worry. If you can ,try to Keep fears away from you please. Keep in touch.

    Gabriel

  76. Jessica

    Last night, I was in a class with some really talented singers (I’m more of a beginner in comparison to their experience, years and preparation) and many, if not all of them, worried about being criticized in varying degrees. Admittedly, I still wrestle with it, especially when I’m a new to something. As I work in the arts in another area, it took me several years to learn to focus on the task at hand; which is to simply play and have fun. Enjoy yourself. Because the purpose of art is to inspire others, to tell a story and/or to share an experience or feeling. That is it. And if you focus on what art, singing, writing really is, then all that other stuff doesn’t matter. It only matters if you make it matter. Certainly, the more you are in the public eye the more criticism you will most likely get, because there are more people involved and we are not all the same. I just read Kristen Lamb’s blog about cyber- bullying, etc. and this does not make it easier. But, thank god for the artists. Because they are a connection and reminder to being human, and the human heart, to being creative and free. Free to be ourselves. Isn’t that the goal for all of us in the end? whether we are artists or not? Great post. thanks, Marie.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Amen to that, Jessica!!

  77. I saw a female politician say recently that when others criticise, it is to deliberately distract you from doing your job. Instead, use criticism as a tool to become even more focussed and disciplined to succeed.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Love that. 🙂

    • Nina

      I don’t necessarily agree. Sometimes people criticise because they want to make something better. I know that when I criticise, it is usually because I had high expectations that were disappointed, so I want the person to know how they could have made whatever it was AWESOME. I like awesome things . So I will give feedback to help people trend in that direction.

      • Chelsea - Team Forleo

        Absolutely, Nina, criticism can come from two very different places — a helpful one or a malicious one. Having said that, I love the idea that Lill shared where regardless, we can use criticism to become more focused, disciplined, and determined to succeed either by heeding the advice shared or by knowing it’s not for us!

  78. This is one of the best videos I have watched from you, among many others that I loved too. I am starting my business online that involves fitness and Brazilian dances and the hardest part is to put pieces together to avoid criticism. You video gave me very powerful insights but the main one is to make art for yourself. I will listen to it and I won’t be so self conscious about everything I do. Thank you Marie.

  79. Great timing for this episode as I sit hear stress-eating a cupcake on the day of my first paid webinar! I’ve been working on this thing for weeks and while registration is lower than we hoped, my co-presenter and I are determined to kill it for the people who show up and learn from the experience. Some days it’s hard to be a newbie information entrepreneur, but I’m determined to keep going. Thanks, Marie!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Go Brandie, we’re excited for you! It’s so important to keep doing, keep trying, keep creating, and keep putting yourself out there as that’s the ONLY way to grow and learn, so good for you!

  80. Marie! This came in my email on the morning after I (as an elected official) had to make a really tough call that will make some people very unhappy. Thank you. The worst part As a creative, a business owner and now in this official capacity, what I’ve been bothered by the most is being misunderstood (my heart, my reasoning, my actions) so thank you for being the voice of the Universe this morning.
    Love,
    T

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Terri, and we’re so glad this was timely and helpful for you. XO

  81. My biggest Critics are in my home! My wife keeps telling me I can’t start a business because We will lose our Disability income . Yes I am disabled But I am not letting that stop me from dreaming big! I have told her time and time again that if I start this business we can make more money than what we would get from our disability checks. I am tired f not even getting by We bring in $12oo a month from our so called disability checks and I know that I am worth more. My Mind is not disabled and I can use a Computer obviously and I have dreams! I am an amateur photographer but I would like to make money with my talents What do you think Marie Should I give up on my dreams just because I can’t work a regular job? Please respond!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Tom, we don’t believe ANYbody should give up on their dreams. We absolutely hope you keep dreaming, learning, and taking small steps towards your goals.

  82. Oh, I love this episode so much and I so needed to hear it… As an artist, I’m constantly dealing with criticism and it’s not always easy to deal with that, but Marie really put things in perspective with this episode. She’s absolutely right: not everyone will like what we do. And that’s actually a good thing. Can you imagine if we all liked the same things? How boring would that be? I have to remind myself of that and not feel bad whenever someone doesn’t like what I do. It’s ok. I don’t like everything everyone else does… And I so agree with her when she said that “it is easier to critique a thing, than it is to make a thing”. That’s another point that I have to remind myself of… Thank you for this video! It totally made my day 🙂

  83. Hi Marie, thank you for this reminder.
    As a 52 yo woman finally doing what I was born to do I sometimes forget to not let the criticism worm its way in. I have always been extremely passionate about so many things and have been one to jump in and have a go, but for a long time I let criticism stop me from continuing anything that I thought that I loved doing. I say “thought” because those that criticised actually made me doubt myself and my passion.
    I eventually got brave “grew some balls” and put some distance between myself and the “criticisers” to find that it only helped partially, as all the negativity had wormed its way deep into my soul (I really had a worm farm going on in there).
    Quite a few years ago I read something from somewhere (cant remember where) that suggested talking to yourself like you would speak to your best friend, or someone you love and care about. So I started by having a good talking to me, often, this helped me tremendously and I realised I did not love and take care of myself the way I did for others . I am getting to where I want to be today and yes criticism does still try to worm its way in, but being reminded (your video) and remembering to care for myself is getting me to where I deserve and want to be.
    Thank you again. 🙂
    Juanita

  84. Nevena

    This is very good! Thanks Marie!

  85. I love the sense of humor your team has! And I learned a lot. Thank you 🙂

  86. Thank you Thank you I loved this! I co- own a fitness concern, 1 year ago my posts were taken off 2 business sights in my community and 1 social media sight. A few women asked that my business sign be removed, these women were of the opinion that I was too old to post beautiful photos of my self to advertise a fit body. I thought about redoing the signs, fixing my blog, and worrying that this was true. I came to my senses with lots of support from friends and your information. Instead decided not to use the business sights for my advertising and questioned the social media sight and they changed their requirements.

  87. Lauren Butler

    I liked your message to AnnMarie today. In my own life, I found criticism/rejection very personal. What helped me was a wee saying and acronym; SW, SW, SW, NEXT!
    Some will like you, some won’t like you, so what? Next!

  88. Deborah

    I ran across this statement a while back and I love it, it is….
    What you think about me is none of my business.
    So as long as I am getting joy out of what I am doing (it’s safe, legal )= were good.
    Hope it gives you a completely different look at what you listen to.

  89. Thanks Marie and team – I really needed to watch this today and am now going to head off and check out the other episodes. A million thank yous. x

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      So glad to hear it!!

  90. LIVIN’ for the outtakes!!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      HA! 🙂

  91. Belinda

    I have a trick that helps me most of the time, when dealing with criticism. If I read/hear a negative comment (or perhaps see someone giving me ‘the look’ and the look is not a friendly one), as I start to react I pause and ask myself a question: what is their name?

    Then I continue. What’s their favourite colour? Do they have a dog? What do they like to do on Saturday nights? and so on until I don’t need to ask any more questions because the anxiety I felt starts to calm down. The whole point is that I quickly realise that I don’t know a thing about the person giving the criticism so then it feels ridiculous to give their criticism so much importance as I don’t know a thing about them. If the criticism is constructive, then at this point I’ll take something from it, but if it’s simply nasty or trolling, then I can leave it behind and I find the sting quickly disappears. If it reappears at any point, then I go through the exercise again, but I find usually that once is enough.

    I hope this helps someone too as it helps me a lot! 🙂

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Belinda, I LOVE this tool you shared. I’ve used a similar trick when I run into crazy drivers on the road, and wonder if perhaps their wife is in labor somewhere or their child is having a hard time. It’s so true that we know so little about each other, and a troll who we don’t know and doesn’t know us doesn’t deserve all our energy.

      Thank you for sharing.

  92. I’m a writer that has been submitting manuscripts for at least a dozen years now and I’ve had my fair share of rejections. At first, I took them personally but I came to realize that the people on the other end was running a business and they had to make decisions based on what was best for their business. It took a while for me to discover that I had to tune my frequency with the frequencies on the other side. It’s not nearly as easy as it sounds and it took a lot of research. But after putting in the effort, I started getting little wins. Those wins allowed me to overcome the fear of criticism. I do the best that I can do. Now, only if only I could apply that same logic to other parts of my life.

  93. Peter

    Great stuff Marie, love your work. ..
    And on the other hand I would add that I have had what felst like some burning critiques of my Art that rocked me to the very core. After a few days of getting over it and contemplation of what was said / written and how it was said, these “gifts” have been incredibly valuable and transformative to myself and what I help create. So far these criticsms have been much more valuable for transformation than the good intentions and careful words of friends.

  94. I give the criticism my complete attention, noting what is being said and how each part affects me. Then I ask myself why is it affecting me? What am I saying in rebuttal or defense? The more pissed off I am, or hurt I am, means I need to look at me and why I am reacting that way. Could the criticism have some validity? Can I use what is said to change something for the better in me? Because my reaction is all I can deal with. The SOB on the other end is on his own, let him raise his blood pressure, not mine.

    Sometimes good ideas come out of other people’s mouths and they don’t realize it. I can take advantage of their losing their control to keep mine. It takes two to tango. Besides maybe I am better then they feel they are, or the fact I am following my dream and they’re not following theirs is often a catalyst for tearing someone else down. Misery adores lots of company.

  95. This is AMAZEBALLS!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Tanya!!

  96. Javairia

    Wow… This is my first time commenting and I can’t believe how much I relate to this. Every time I create, write, sing, or dance I feel that I embody the criticisms that I’ve heard or continue to tell myself. Thank you for this Marie, as I continue my journey I will apply this when creating and especially to how I see myself as a human being, woman and artist. Thank you.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      YAY! Javairia, we’re so happy you’ve left your first comment, and we’re delighted you’re absorbing so much good stuff from this week’s episode. 🙂

  97. Love you Marie! Thank you for helping me remember what creative energy is all about. It’s hard to trust that your art means anything to anyone else. That it’s more than personal ambition or self-expression. I hope I can always remember that “the world needs that something special that only I have. ” I always share your messages with my fellow artists and hope that they will remember they have a special creative light that would be missed without them. Thank you!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So much yes! Your art is meaningful and the world really does need the special gift that you’re sharing through your work. I’m so glad you’re feeling inspired and that you’re sharing Marie’s positive message with your fellow artists. We appreciate you!

  98. I would add that after you write down the worst criticism you can come up with, you burn the paper (safely) to really let it go!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oooh, good idea! Seeing your critics’ words burning is such a powerful image.

  99. Pia

    Great topic. Yeah people’s points of views are interesting, so one tool that I use is saying “interesting point of view [you/he/she/I] have this point of view” over and over in my head while dropping all barriers aka resistance that I have to receiving it. Doing so may allow that stinky little message projection to just walk right on by instead of sticking to you 🙂 Wanna try it?

  100. Hi Marie and team!

    Firstly thank you for all these little nuggets of wisdom and inspiration. This is first post here too!
    My husband Andi and I run an organic skin care business and I’m working full-time on it from home which can be very isolating, while he’s still working full-time in a high stress management position. We’ve had 99.9% fantastic feedback about our collection from people all over the world, but why is it that I always remember the 0.1% who had something negative to say? We’re really trying to create something truly special for our customers, friends and family and have an especial focus on being environmentally conscious too. So with all of our hard work, ethics, attention to every last little detail and of course time and money we’re putting into it, to have even 0.1% of people saying anything negative can be soul crushing. Anywho, we’ll continue to plug away at it and do what we know is good and right for the people we respect and care for. But thank you for pointing matters like these out for us all to address. #kindnessisqueen

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I totally hear you, Kim. I think we all remember negative feedback so much more readily than positive feedback, which is a shame, especially since you’re doing such great work! It’s impossible to please everyone, but it sounds like you’re doing well with the people you most want to serve through your skin care line, which is what’s really important.

  101. Tegan Miller

    This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you Marie. 🙂

    I am also a singer and musician. I believe my fear of criticism has held me back tremendously over the years. I feel like I am making strides and I CANNOT wait to try this exercise as soon as I’m done typing this! However, I struggle the most with my boyfriend.

    I am dating a fabulous musician (and person :-)) and although I know he loves me, loves my voice, and supports me wholeheartedly, I still have fears of him criticizing me more than anyone else, because I hold him to such a high esteem. He’s probably the most talented musician I’ve ever met, so I find it extra hard to really combat these fears when it comes to him. I’m hoping to do this exercise and maybe have him read my fears to me.

    Thanks again for this bright light in my day. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for opening up to us, Tegan. And doing this exercise with your boyfriend could be a great way of opening up to him too and telling him about your feelings and concerns. It could be really helpful for overcoming the fear and insecurity you’re feeling. We’re cheering you on and have our fingers crossed that it goes beautifully!

  102. Virginia Reeves

    As a writer, I write material the way I want to read it. If others don’t like my style, I don’t take offense. We each have our own creative flair. You can’t let criticism stop you, or you could implode (like Marie mentioned). Share your gift – there are people waiting for it.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! Exactly. 🙂

  103. Meghan

    Whenever I start to self-doubt I try to remind myself how far I’ve come. It’s easy to forget the progress and lose sight of the bigger picture. There will always be people with more talent or more drive, but that’s not what matters…. what matters is doing what feels right ‘for me’ and honoring the growth that I have made.

  104. When people criticize your art, I feel it is important to reflect that the point of art is to provide a catharsis, or an opportunity for people to feel something, which spawns interaction. The art made the critic think, and even if the reaction feels negative to you, the art did it’s job by making people contemplate it. I feel another way to look at this is that a negative reaction is better than no reaction at all, because the art provided an avenue for a reaction in the first place. Indifference is lesser than criticism in the case of art. The world needs us artists to give them the feels, and even if they are turned off by your or my art, in a general sense that will help them gravitate to art that they enjoy, which is good for them and the artist that ‘speaks’ to them.

    One time, I had a woman skoff loudly and walk out of my gallery after she came in and saw some paintings of nudes. Nothing crass, they were tasteful. My friends and family were surprised that my reaction was to laugh and smile, and find joy in that, to this day it makes me smile. I just loved the strong reaction, my art made her feel something, and that is important to me. Her reaction says more about her than about my art, and to have such a strong response, from something I found so beautiful, is silly and entertaining to me.

    I don’t know the exact quote or who said it, but there is a saying that goes something like: ‘There is no such thing as bad publicity’. Most everyone values their opinion over the opinions of others, so if they hear something negative about someone’s work, sometimes they will check it out, and sometimes they will like what others don’t. So, if that is you, you have a couple more people who know who you are, and the possibility of new fans.

    Also, sometimes the thing people reject the most is an area in their life that needs the most healing. In the case of my nude paintings, I hope that in some way it pushed that lady to contemplate her disgust of nakedness and come to an understanding or form a compassion for herself in her own vulnerability, her own rawness or transparency, or whatever wound in her life that made her react that way. I hope it did something like that.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love the wisdom you shared here! I can totally see how indifference is worse than negative feedback when it comes to art, and I think you’re right that the woman’s reaction to your art says more about her than it does about you. Keep up the wonderful work you’re doing!

      • Thank you Mandy! Best to you guys, and thanks to Marie and Team Forleo for another insightful segment!

  105. Linda

    Love ALL your videos! Thanks, Marie and company! Criticism? I’m an actor sooo…….after shedding a few pity party tears and envisioning myself like Harold in the opening scene of “Harold and Maude” (with a noose scarf), I remind myself that I’d never commit suicide as it would solve nothing and make everything worse. Then I PRAY from the bottom of my heart to the top of my spirit. Works every time! Thanks again!!

  106. Marie you a breath of fresh air! You help women like me by pumping in loads of confidence, through your motivational talks. Love

  107. Chia

    Oh, this came at the perfect time!
    Yesterday I was asked to be the front singer in When the saints go marching in, at my gospel choir (love it!). But after I sang I got to hear from a friend (!) that I sounded ridiculous…
    It made me silent the rest of the choir practice, but I woke up this morning and told her some truths (in my head). Now I can be myself again and sing however I like, as long as my choir leader likes it. I embrace my inner Ella Fitzgerald!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Ella Fitzgerald is awesome! It’s so cool that you were asked to be the front singer. I hate that your friend didn’t like it, but that’s not a reflection on you at all. People have such differing musical tastes, so don’t let it get you down. 🙂

  108. I’m an author and definitely can relate to this week’s question. I used to be very sensitive when my work was criticized. In fact, one of my first book reviews was a nightmare! I took it very much to heart. Of course, when I attempted to find some work by the reviewer – guess what??? It was a pen name that seemed to have no trace whatsoever! My next critic was another writer who, after reading my book, said she would write a good review, but made a point of saying she saw ‘so many’ grammar errors, but she would be ‘gracious’ enough to not comment on that in my review. I personally didn’t believe this to be true and furthermore, I didn’t like her book at all – finding it pretentious and predictable, but didn’t feel I had a right to condemn her art. Not to say that I wasn’t pissed off ha. I mentioned the writer’s comment to a friend who reported that her book club actually read one of this lady’s books, and she added, “No one could get through it except one person – but she’s overly determined” It was at that point that it hit me; why the hell was I taking this writer’s critisism so personally? She clearly wasn’t in the position to judge me and while focusing on her negative comments, I was ignoring the many positive reviews (including professional) that greatly outnumbered the bad. I think one comment that really stuck out to me was when Marie Forleo interviewed Elizabeth Gilbert last year and she said something like “if you don’t like it, write your own fucking book” that resonated with me:-)

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      YES! Liz’s advice is definitely appropriate here too. It sounds like you and the author who criticized you have completely different styles, so more of a “different strokes for different folks” situation. I’m glad you’re not letting it get you down!

  109. Marie,

    It’s crazy that I got this video in my e-mail right now, since I was just going online to look up this exact topic! Thank you, Universe. And thank YOU for helping to put things in perspective; I’ve told myself the same things from time to time, but it always resonates so much more to hear it from someone like you. Thank you for all that you do!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      What good timing! I’m so glad Marie’s wisdom arrived right when you were looking for it. 🙂

  110. Rae

    Love reading as many comments as I can in this moment. Plan to read the rest later.
    I can absolutely relate to this! I am a young, new pastor at a church full of congregants old enough to be my grandparents…no really, they are…no I’m serious, they are! The irony is that the congregation is also full of retired ministers and ministers wives who you’d think have some empathy…siiiike! One Sunday one of those wives let me have it, while in the receiving line after church. So that means not only did she rip into me, but she did it while other people were behind her, waiting to greet me. I was so hurt to my core that I hurriedly ran to my office in tears. Mind you crying is not something I like to do in front of people, especially when the tears come from a place of hurt. After finding out she hurt my feelings, she apologized and has since kept her comments to herself.

    It’s like someone in the comment section said “expect the criticism”. It’s not that we want to hear negative stuff, but it’s gonna happen. So for me, I look at it like playing football (and I’ve never played before). Instead of having the ball, seeing the opponent coming towards me and LETTING them tackle me, I pull a fast one on them and run the other way! Like my momma says, you’ll like it or lump it.

    I do what I do ultimately so God can give me a nod at the end of the day.

    Thanks Marie and all the commenters!

  111. Patricia Bebout

    Hi Marie yes I was afraid of criticism it was my biggest fear but I decided to put my creations to a test and I was amazed by what people had to say most of them said I was created, talented and had a lot of patience, I could not believed it yes there was a few that were negative but many said I was talented first time I sold my creations at a community yard sale, they all ask me if I had a store or web site I said not another lady that sold beautiful necklaces told me I was in a wrong show I could sell more on a craft show she even trade me 3 of her own necklace for one of my arrangement it was great to see my pieces sell for the first time . Yes I was afraid of criticism big time but I went to bed that night so happy to know that my pieces are one of a kind !!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yay, Patricia! It’s so awesome that what you thought was going to be a fear-inducing, stressful event turned out to be such a positive experience. Being criticized at some point in our lives is inevitable, but I love your story about how people ended up loving your work instead. Keep up the great work!

  112. First, I love the outtake “I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.” I needed that laugh this morning 😉 When the critics arise (whether it’s someone else or my inner critic) I remind my self of what Marie said, that everyone has different tastes in people, food, etc. so not everyone is going to like or love you & I’m ok with that. One of my life motto’s is if you’re not doing anything to hurt anyone, then be your authentic self. It’s not always easy to do but I really try to live my life according to what’s right for me & not what other people think is right.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! That’s the truth. 🙂

  113. Fantastic timing as usual. I’m always trying to be perfect, even though I think nature is perfect in its un-perfectness and I admire that fact. I strive to follow the laws of nature as much as possible because I believe that it is perfect with its un-perfectness. Not sure where I learned this “be perfect concept” to be accepted but its really not a healthy way to think. I also must say that I’m not perfect on so many levels and I know that, but I want to be and that is the issue. I don’t ever want to hear criticism or be belittled for things I create and make. Last week I experienced criticism for something I made by a person who just didn’t get the process. Instead of 100% perfect it took my on-line score down and boy did that crush my spirit. I actually stopped all work and focused on other things. I ran away basically. Crazy how you can allow others to affect your life like that. In the end does it even matter? Big freakin deal, so somebody had something negative to say. Fine. How I dealt was to run away for a week. But now I’m back, and the way I feel about it since taking it out of the foreground is…
    Who Cares!” I don’t! And I’m back to work. So I guess for me a touch of time off to let the criticism die down helps. Being aware of how I react to negative feedback is great for me to deal with it in the future. Now, off to write that list. Hit it square in the face so the sting is gone if it ever happens again. Onward and upward!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Onward and upward indeed! I love your spirit and your positive outlook here. 🙂

  114. Barry Hall

    Great TV Marie, keep up the great work. – Barry

  115. When I feel resistant to doing something, I can generally distinguish when it is due to the fear of criticism or a legitimate fear. When I can recognize the fear of criticism (typically when just trying something new), I just say hello to the fear but tell it that it isn’t necessary here and just try to push through. I got this strategy from reading Big Magic by Liz Gilbert, and although it doesn’t seem like much, it typically works for me. Sometimes it’s harder to do this than others, but as long as I can recognize the fear, I can generally push through it.

  116. I’ve never had a problem with criticism.. I safely can say that I like it because I can see other points that I’ve never thought of. I use criticism as tool that allows me to expand my view and improve. The other thing is that I love what I do and I’m pretty confident so this helps me too.
    The bottom line is: do what you love, be confident and use these opinions as a constructive criticism .. Don’t be afraid!

  117. I agree 100% that this type of fear can be so limiting!

    I’d like to offer some things that have really helped me shift my perspective on criticism:

    #1: You’re probably your worst critic.
    I’ve spent the last 20 years or so in the performing arts, both as a performer and an administrator. When an audition didn’t go absolutely perfectly, I was certain that the people who’d listened to me would be talking of nothing other than the note I’d biffed or my memory slip for the days to come. When I moved to the other side of the audition table and even ran international competitions, I realized that for the most part, juries cared more about the soul that went into something, rather than every note being perfect. In fact, they almost always preferred soul over technicality.

    #2: When you know better, you do better (to quote Maya Angelou).

    When I switched over to being an administrator and facilitator of the performing arts, I knew that I would have to survey people and invite criticism if I wanted to continually improve the way I was doing things. This was agonizing when I was younger, because I had so much to learn, and I HATE making mistakes. But I tried my best to be gentle with myself – how could I do better without knowing what needed to improvement?

    #3 Set boundaries

    So when I invited this criticism from people, there were inevitably some trolls who decided to rip me a new one, but of course from the comfort of anonymity. After a few rounds of this (and wanting to drink heavily after reading some of the horrible things people said…and actually wondering if the people who’d been particularly mean were drinking when they filled out the surveys), I set some firm boundaries. I made it clear that I was looking for constructive criticism only, and that any survey answers that contained foul language or mean-spirited rhetoric would be entirely discarded. And, people changed the way they gave feedback!

    But I also had to set some mental boundaries, which was a bit trickier. Often the criticism that hurt the most either had a grain of truth to it, or echoed some sort of fear that I had (this is where Marie’s exercise would be brilliant!!). When that happened, I had to determine if there really was somewhere I could improve and then mentally discard the rest.

    #4 Realize that criticism is almost always about the other person, not about you

    I think this is particularly true when criticism gets really personal. Once I had a colleague who just personally did not like me. One day she laid into me with personal attack after personal attack, and spelled out all the reasons and ways that she didn’t like me. She even talked about my hand bags! It cut me like a knife. Partly because there were some grains of truth in what she said, but mostly because she was practically foaming at that mouth. While she was listing all the things she hated about me, I kept thinking, “wow, is she talking about me or about herself?” I was also pretty young and inexperienced at the time, and she was probably 15 years my senior, which added to how hard I took it. In the end, I decided to improve where I could (in those areas where there was a grain of truth), realize that a lot of her vitriol was coming from a place of insecurity, and then discard the rest.

    Along that same vein, when I ran a performing arts festival, there was almost always one or two people each season who were complete time sucks. They needed this, they needed that, they send hundreds of emails, and I would spend almost as much time on them as the rest of the other 198 people I was responsible for combined. I bent over backwards for them, trying to make sure they were happy and felt taken care of. And guess what – they gave the worst reviews and complained the most after the season closed. I realized that they were most likely just unhappy people who were determined to be unhappy no matter what – and that I couldn’t make everyone happy, especially them. All I could do was my best, and treat people the way I would want to be treated – and not be held hostage by my fear of criticism from these unhappy people!

    Don’t get me wrong, dealing with criticism is an ongoing battle (and probably is for anyone who is a human being) – but following these steps, I do feel more confident and am able to deal with it and move on, rather than dwelling and letting it eat me alive.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Preach it, Sara! The wisdom you shared here is pure brilliance. It sounds like you’ve got a really great approach to criticism in its many forms, as well as a lot of empathy for the people doing the critiquing since you were able to identify what might be going on in their own lives that led to the negative criticism they gave you. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. I can tell you have a big heart and a lot of compassion. We appreciate you! 🙂

  118. Here goes! Critics take the mic:

    Dear Emily,
    We found you out. It’s confirmed- you’re a total fraud. You’re totally winging your entire creative journey. Who do you think you are woman? Nobody is ever going to take you seriously, so step aside Short Stop. You’re not making a difference, your work is NOT original… And just so you know you’re not even pretty.

    Affectionately,
    Your worst critics

    Already, I feel so empowered by this exercise! Love reading these posts. I’m so happy to have our community of creatives courageously doing their thang!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Nice work, Emily! Thank you for sharing your exercise with us. I’m so glad you’re feeling empowered!

  119. Marie, this was so fabulous! I’m sharing it with all of my artist friends. I believe that many creatives in general suffer from low self esteem and de-value what they do. I know that I continually seek affirmation and validation from my friends and from groups that I’m in. It’s not that I don’t think my art is good, it is more that it is a really new, innovative and trailblazing kind of art and I just can’t seem to find my sweet spot as the mainstream artists and groups are just not used to what I do. Plus I live in a fairly rural area of Southeastern Wisconsin and it’s quite conservative here. My lack of self esteem comes more from the *looks* I get from people and from my family’s lack of enthusiasm for anything I’ve ever done. (Not my hubby… he’s my biggest fan 🙂 ). If I were to write out my worst fears, they would be:
    No one likes what I do because it’s too abstract
    People think I’m weird
    Mainstream artists who have been doing this a long time don’t see my work as art – they see it as DIY (this one hurts the most because it really is original art on living wood. Just because I use my hands instead of a paintbrush doesn’t make it amateur or finger painting).
    I have literally had some say *it’s not my thing*
    I can’t seem to fit in with established groups
    I’m creating art at a *mature* age and have had no formal art training
    The young crowd likes it very much but I’m *older* in years (but never in spirit or heart!)
    I’m afraid to go into the downtown Milwaukee art scene because I’m a little bit of a wallflower..
    I have sold quite a few pieces to people who absolutely love this but I still worry mostly about finding the right venue. Maybe someday I’ll open my own gallery!

    Thank you again! This was just what I needed today and I’ll be tweeting it out YO!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Your passion for your art really leaps off the page! Please don’t let anyone discourage you from your work because I can tell you have so much passion for making the world a more beautiful place through your art. 🙂

      • Thanks Mandy! I won’t let the, get me down. I was born to do this!

  120. Dear Marie,
    Thank you so much this has helped me tremendous. You Rock N Roll Baby!

    I feel that I have now come full circle, i have been crushed, surprised and totally wow you are that evil shocked…Now I deal with it as I feel everything and anything that can be said bad, has been said about me…Now when I hear stuff it’s not new, lol

    There does come a time when you go, yearrr yearrr, same ole hate and a time that you either Quit ( Not an option as I am me and this is my life and family ) or get up and become strong. I got up and now am strong….

    Love and Blessings

    Elaine Elizabeth Presley

  121. This landed in my inbox in divine timing! I love this tip, to actually write out the inner critics voices. I’ve never done that, however I have spoken it out loud and even ‘acted’ out my inner critic. As in, stand like her, change my voice to what hers sounds like (usually a squeaky one) as she whispers nasty-little-nothings into my ear and even imagine what she’d be wearing! It really helps me to separate myself from my inner critic. Next time, I’ll try the writing version! Thanks for the awesome tips I’ve so come to expect. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Acting it out sounds like a cool version of the exercise too! It’s really cool that you found something that works for you and you’ve been doing it awhile. It sounds like it’s been really helpful!

  122. Regulus

    Criticism can make you or break you. If you give too much attention to negative criticism, it will control you and probably knocks you down. I have faced a lot of criticisms, particularly from the people who were jealous of my capabilities and accomplishments. Every time we gather around a table for a meal or discussion, this one person would always pick on me, telling me how a back person I was by not behaving and doing things the way he expected. At first, it bothers a lot and I really believed that I needed to change, so one day I ask three of closest friends to give me their most honest opinions about me. After listening to their feedbacks, I was amazed. One of my friends told me this “down ever change your personality and value, being your is one of the most importing that ever happened in my life.” Later on, his parent told that your friend has become a gentleman since you have friends together. long story short.

    From this moment on, I decided to ignore criticism and rather focusing on pursuing my goals. I become to achieving even more. One afternoon I was taking a nap because I have been working long hours, I received a call and this person who has always been criticizing me was telling me how a smart person I am. Do you know this quote ? “the best form of revenge is a massive success.” For me, criticism motivates me to do more and better and finally I’m inclined to listen to constructive criticism.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Go you! It’s awesome that you’re turning negative energy into positive fuel and that the critics are propelling you to success. Keep up the excellent work!

  123. This is so good – thank you for sharing this Marie! It’s always comforting to know we all deal with this in some way. I feel like I’m putting myself ‘out there’ all the time, and also feel like I can do it way more! To move past what ‘others may think of me’ is huge. And I’m definitely in the practice of moving through this fear and showing up no matter what. When I’m really struggling with thoughts about my work or self I talk to someone who I really trust – and this usually helps me to see how hard on myself I can be. I also work with changing my inner dialogue – using mantras and affirmations that flip those types of thoughts right around on themselves! It’s all a work in progress and an ongoing practice.

    Love and thanks!

  124. Regulus

    (errors corrected)
    Criticism can make you or break you. If you give too much attention to negative criticism, it will control you and probably knocks you down. I have faced a lot of criticisms, particularly from the people who were jealous of my capabilities and accomplishments. Every time we gather around a table for a meal or discussion, this one person would always pick on me, telling me how a back person I was by not behaving and doing things the way he expected of me. At first, it bothers me a lot and I really believed that I needed to change, so one day I asked three of my closest friends to give me their most honest opinions about me. After listening to their feedbacks, I was amazed. One of my friends told me this “don’t ever change your personality and value, being your friend is one of the most importing things that ever happened in my life.” Later on, his parents told me that your friend has become a gentleman since you have been friends together. long story short.

    From this moment on, I decided to ignore all the criticisms and only focusing on pursuing my goals. I started to achieving even more. One afternoon I was taking a nap because I have been working long hours, I received a call and this person who has always been criticizing me was now telling me how a smart person I am. Do you know this quote ? “the best form of revenge is a massive success.” For me, criticism motivates me to do more and better and finally I’m more inclined to listen to constructive criticisms.
    (Modified post)

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      No worries! Typos happen. I replied to your comment above, but just in case you didn’t see it:

      Go you! It’s awesome that you’re turning negative energy into positive fuel and that the critics are propelling you to success. Keep up the excellent work!

  125. This is a really great episode Marie! I mean they are all great but with the political climate and anonymity of the web it seems people are just getting meaner and more critical so this one is very timely (like, all of your episodes are). Not sure if you’ve ever seen Jimmy Kimmel have actors read mean tweets about themselves but it’s pretty funny and takes the intended hurtful bite out of it and you get to see how ridiculous some of the meanness is, not useful critique at all. Also seeing these famous stars facing their mean critics can help not feel all alone. PS Your dress is stunning, it’s one of my favorites that you’ve every worn!!!

  126. Aloha! The way I keep criticism from blocking my creativity is to USE it! I use it in two ways: 1. If it doesn’t apply I let it fly. I know who I am, what I do, and why I’m here. When critical remarks don’t resonate with me, I know it. Part of how I let it fly is to use the ridiculousness of it in my writing. I add humor and make it funny, so that it becomes a more easily palatable learning experience for everyone who relates in any way – most often in ways I didn’t even anticipate!
    2. If the criticism is useful, I receive it with gratitude and use it as an engine to make productive changes from within. Either way, there’s no need for someone else’s criticism to block my creativity. I use it to my advantage.
    Thank you, Marie, for all you bring into the world, and everything that you facilitate!

  127. oh wow, this is so relevant for me this, I work in Investment Banking and I love it its been a passion of mine for over 20 years, but a few years ago I decided needed something new in my life to ignite my soul – I chose to write as it was something I knew I was half decent at and as such there had always been a curiosity to see how far I could take it. It’s been some years now and I’ve written two books and have a blog… from the beginning I was the person I wanted to please – it was never about others reading my work but of course its always a thrill when someone does and likes it and yes along with the niceties there comes criticism as well – I’m pretty good at taking it on board and then bringing back to my original ethos ‘I write for myself,’ but just three days ago I was on the phone to my brother, during our conversation about left/right brain function he declares quite frankly ‘you’re not creative at all’ even though he reads my words regularly AND its pissed me off, to the point I think its offensive – I think it depends who is doing the criticizing and this for me is probably the worst criticism I could get but listening to your words and just remembering my original ethos – I’m like to hell with what he thinks – I love the way I write and I love to write. I’m not going to let someone’s opinion influence my mood nor stop me from writing.

  128. Khalida Wild

    Hello Marie, thank you for your video’s. sending you my love all the way from Kenya. my dream is to be a leader too, so far I inspire a lot of people in my life and watching you I love it!!

    Regards
    Khalida Wild

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for tuning in from Kenya, Khalida! SO honored to have you here!

  129. Marie, you have so often inspired me with encouragement to speak out, the importance of sharing one’s gifts, that keeping one’s creativity to oneself is a disservice to the world. “…because your soul will implode if you don’t create.” Yes, that’s how I silenced the imaginary critics who said “why would anyone want to read what you have to write?” And, I love the “give them a mic” exercise. It reminds me of Jimmy Kimmel’s Mean Tweets sketches where actors read the nasty tweets people have twittered about them. You can find them on youtube.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh my gosh, Jimmy Kimmel’s Mean Tweets sketches are so funny. And it really exposes the trolls for what they really are—people who are too busy cutting down others to create anything of value themselves. That’s a perfect example of the “give them a mic” exercise. Plus, it shows that no matter how successful or talented somebody is, there’s going to be a troll lurking under the nearest bridge but they can’t take away what’s been built. <3

  130. Laurie

    Although I don’t fit into the art category (I’m a leadership trainer and public speaker), I loved this, and will use the ‘write down the criticism and air it out’ activity.
    I recently spoke for a very impressive, fast-growing company of 180 top notch (65% millenial high performers), and I spent hours and hours prepping. I was worried about not entertaining them enough, not being cool enough, or simply not connecting with them. I typically feel energized after my talks, but I was drained, feeling less confident, and wondering if I should even be doing this! Crazy, because I love what I do and have been at it a while (and have my first book published by Wiley, very exciting).
    In reflecting, I have noticed that I don’t connect with all groups. I found myself wondering if I should challenge myself and try harder, or just look for groups that connect with me. I do want to improve and grow! This company paid me good money to be their keynote speaker. While I have solicited feedback from them (as I do with all groups), I have not heard back yet (ok, it hasn’t even been a week yet but it’s killing me lol). [Note – my degree is in communications, I’ve had Dale Carnegie training, I’ve taught public speaking for years…while there’s definitely room for improvement, I sense it’s something deeper going on…]
    Where is the balance of keeping to your audience – and stretching yourself to communicate and relate more effectively with as many as possible?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is such a great question, Laurie. It sounds like you’ve got a lot of experience and really know your stuff. Maybe some of your nervousness was imposter syndrome creeping in—that feeling that even though you’re well-equipped to do the task, you start questioning yourself and your abilities. Marie has a super helpful episode of MarieTV about this that I think you’ll like: http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/10/stop-self-sabotage/

      Your question about relating with your audience is a good one too. There is an episode of MarieTV about public speaking: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/03/overcome-fear-shyness-josh-pais/ You might already know some of the tips since you have a lot of experience, but there’s a lot of wisdom in there.

  131. I am grateful that you have brought a core truth to the surface in a BIG and beautiful way. Everything lies within us- and only when WE change will we ALL change. Becoming the Love We are looking for.

  132. Mitsou

    When I get criticism I’ll use mindfulness techniques. In this case just stay with the feelings the critique give me, accepting them for what they are and maybe focus on my breath for a while. Then try and let go.

  133. Thanks for constantly inspiring!

  134. “Everything you love is disliked by somebody”.
    I so needed to hear this Marie! Thank you, x

  135. REVERSE…
    Why not aprecciate another angle of view from another point ?
    Why not try to see yourself through the deepest envy bad deepest false evidence apperaring real of other one?
    Its NEVER PERSONAL !!!!!!
    Its always from the good or bad experiences that someone else took as its own reference.
    So… its interesting, its never personal, and its just a weird, unconventional, BUT TRUE way of saying I AM HERE. AND CONNECTED TO YOU.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s totally okay to listen to constructive criticism. Definitely evaluate criticism on an individual basis and if there’s something to be learned from it, that’s awesome! Or if it’s just mean-spirited, feel free to let it go. It’s important to trust your inner wisdom. 🙂

    • Lynelle Paulick

      Maria, hmmm.

      I’m not quite sure your comment was understood by the moderator. Which means, of course, that I think I understand you. haaa… Anyway, it’s so so very true, what I think I hear from you. And also, at this point that’s still kind of an “intellectual exercise” for me — I continue to let my unchecked fears get hold of my entire being and drop me into the mud; then I wait for those “external others” to come rightfully rescue me and tell me I am okay. Can you believe that shit? Although I surely am doing what most do, I don’t know. But until I drop that, this “weird, unconventional, BUT TRUE way of saying I AM HERE.AND CONNECTED TO YOU.” will continue since I suppose I’m speaking that same language that these others speak. I hope I am seeing this clearly right this moment and can perhaps drop it. It’s a frickin’ scary way to try to live a “life.” THANK YOU for the reminder!!!! xoxo

  136. DNN

    Hi Marie,

    Found you on YouTube. I had to drop by after posting your video on my Facebook wall and say “thank you for just being you.” I hope to meet and learn from Gary Vaynerchuck when he arrives in New York in July-August. I really admire your WordPress blog digital design. Perhaps we can discuss blogging and online marketing someday. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t change anything! 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for dropping by and sharing your kind words! We’re thrilled you’re in the MarieTV community. 🙂

  137. Constance

    Hi Marie,
    what a powerful topic and valuable tips, where I work in a South African company I take and write minutes and newsletter, our company was bought by new owners and have a line manager who has been criticising my work together with another manager, I then took leave on the days which the minutes was supposed to be taken and company Newsletter published, I expected exceptional higher standard but “Oh My Word,” instead I was bombarded with excuses that there was not enough time for this and that, I then realised that I am being critiqued just as a “pull her down syndrome” thank you for this article it has opened my mind to stop counter attacking but instead improve my craft and later look for a company which will value my contribution “My music is my own” and “It’s a whole easier to critique a thing than make a thing,” I will try giving my critic a mic and continue making my music for myself, this is very powerful thank you.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Constance, thank you so much for watching and leaving your comment here. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re facing criticism and “pull her down” syndrome at work. It’s wonderful to read that you’ll be rising above that, and I hope the tips in this episode help inspire you to continue creating!

  138. I’ve taken to heart the concept that “What other people think of me is none of my business.” Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s being comfortable in my own skin, but knowing that, *really* knowing it, has changed my life.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Lana, oh wow yeah, that’s something that is so easy to think but so hard to take to heart. Such a great reminder!

  139. DNN

    Criticism can be good in a way because it keeps you mentally sharp and it builds character. Sometimes, critics want you to react in a negative manner so your image is questionable. Ignoring them or responding with a new product or service that you successfully developed and was recently discussed on Bloomberg or Forbes is a great way to keep critics talking about you (giving you free word of mouth business), and a way to keep you and your business relevant.

  140. Lucie

    Dear Marie,

    Thank you for this episode and your helpful insights and encouragement. It’s tough out there, but it’s the only way how to progress in life. One thing is for sure, the best way how to create is to be authentic, to be true to yourself. Another thing is to learn to try to walk in someone else’s shoes, one get’s another perspective and it helps to deal with critics. The most important thing is to learn to be motivated internally, not externally. It has a lot to do with emotional intelligence. It’s already a challenge to start to create something, whatever it is, art, business or sharing ideas to make a difference. Critics can help us grow if we can discern their criticism, what is and what isn’t constructive. About art, a part the technique, which is also a lot personal. However, a hard work is hard work, there is no question about it and that needs to be appreciated.
    Thank you for standing behind those of us, who need a lot of encouragement.
    Wish you all the best!

  141. Arina

    I’m Arina, a 14 years old artist from Kazan, Russia.
    Part 1. I’ve heard such things about my paintings:
    Why does the horse on your picture have such a big ass? A spaceship cannot be colorful like a rainbow. Too short legs. Too long legs. This picture is a delirium. She has a very stupid face. That girl has crazy eyes.
    Part 2. If I hear somebody critiquing my pictures I ask him or her to draw the same, but without my “mistake”. Alternatively, I say that it has to be like that and if they cannot understand it, it’s their problem.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Arina, I LOVE that. Good for you – that’s a great way to combat negative criticism!

  142. As there are almost 300 comments so far, I fear most of you won’t make it all the way down to my comment. But I’ll post it anyway.

    I’m a B-Schooler. I love Marie. And I loved this video. But I think there are a few things Marie left out. Perhaps they’re a little off-topic, as the video was more about handling criticism internally rather than actively handling critics, but I wanted to add a few tips to the list:

    1. Does your critic have a point? Before you dismiss them entirely and get back to telling yourself how great you are, stop for a moment, swallow your pride and ask yourself, ‘Is there something I can learn from this feedback, even though it’s a little hurtful?’ Then – answer yourself honestly. If the answer’s, ‘No, I truly disagree with their criticism’, no worries. Rock on with your bad self. (And by ‘bad’, I mean ‘good’ – LOL!). But if they have a point, they might have just given you an opportunity to improve and become even greater. That’s a gift. A bittersweet gift. But a gift nonetheless.

    2. Many businesses have to deal with criticism in the form of negative reviews (especially online), and have the opportunity to respond to them. Responding to negative reviews is a fine art. Perhaps Marie can do a separate video about this.

    What not to do:
    1. Get angry and defensive.
    2. Insult the reviewer.
    3. Suggest their criticism isn’t valid if they’re not an artist or entrepreneur eg. ‘Oh, yeah. What’s the last thing YOU made?’

    What to do:
    1. Thank them for their feedback.
    2. Acknowledge valid complaints (eg. ‘Yes, the meal was cold’).
    3. Apologise wholeheartedly if applicable (eg. ‘I’m truly sorry your meal was cold – that must have been frustrating and disappointing’).
    4. Offer to appease them, if applicable (eg. ‘Let us make it up to you by sending you a 50% off voucher for your next visit’).
    5. Politely defend any criticism that simply wasn’t true
    6. Ensure them you’re constantly working on improving your products/services, and are committed to delighting your customers.
    7. In short, come off smelling like a rose!

    Has this helped anyone? Is anyone out there…? 😉

    PS. As of early June 2016, my site is experiencing some tech troubles. So, if you want to view it, please do so on Safari or Internet Explorer. It’s not displaying properly on Chrome or Firefox. I’m in the process of having this tech trouble rectified. (Ugh – tech troubles.)

  143. Love it! I’m dealing with this on a personal level right now and this helped put it all in to perspective. Thank you Marie!

  144. Jade Makana

    I work in a creative field, so one thing I always do before I go into a meeting is ask myself, “Do I like it?” I am a person. If I like it, then at least one person likes it. Early in my career, I would get so caught up in guessing other people’s reactions. I would create for them. I would come out of a meeting and think “Great, everyone liked it,” but then I would think, “Wait a minute, but I don’t like it! And it’s my thing, and I have to spend the most time on it!” Don’t forget to factor yourself in to the critique process. You are the executive stakeholder, the judge and the jury. Everyone else is just the peanut gallery. This is very important to remember, because feeling approval from others while betraying yourself is ultimately a horrible feeling, and it will gnaw at you. Approve of yourself; never forget to ask yourself what you think. You are the expert, you are the one who has studied and spent your life doing it. Anyone who doesn’t like it probably just has an untrained eye, and their opinion shouldn’t overshadow your own.

  145. DNN

    I stopped caring about what people think and have to say about me long ago. They don’t pay me nor do they support me any kind of way. Family will tear you down and that’s supposed to be blood. Sometimes you have to dismiss them and walk away forever because it’s those family members that secretly envy you but right in your face when things are good in your life and they want to be part of it and want to see also if they can get some money out of you.

  146. Satpal K Mankoo

    It is human nature to criticize. There is positive and negative criticism. Jealousy, hatred,discrimination etc lisends one negative vibes which in turn effects a person into introvert. Positive criticism in return lifts one up. As far as negativity is concerned if one is honest and true within then one doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. It is at face value. Accept it or leave it. Confidence and inner strength comes with being honest to oneself. Life matters are different. There are good times and bad times. The rest is up to an individual how to handle it. !!!!

  147. I love this! I recently learnt that’s it’s okay to live life in the “Who Cares.” This term doesnt refer to being a delinquent in my behaviour everywhere I go but simple to NOT CARE what other people think. Living my life with out the constant worry of critisim and “What others might say.” I love this concept because the truth is long term – nobody really cares. people quickly forget. Everyone else is worried about with other people are thinking about them, so they hardly have to notice what I’m doing anyways!

    This is a powerful point!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      So true, Julia. Not caring what other people think is tough, but it’s such a great reminder that most of the time they don’t even notice! Thanks so much for watching 🙂

  148. It’s true and this is a great article. It’s good to know the control can be taken back and things will get better.

  149. I love this MarieTV! Especially since I’m just starting out and my business still hasn’t turned into a “business” yet since I’m still in the learning/growing my audience phase and haven’t made any income(haven’t listed my services yet).
    Something that holds me back daily is the fear of criticism – thinking they’ll be disappointed in my services or not liking my content.
    But I just have to remember, anyone who does that is not my ICA!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Exactly, Kayleigh! Different things work for different people, so by catering to your ICA you’re more likely to find customers who are a good fit for you. We’re cheering you on as you’re putting yourself out there! 🙂

  150. Marie, thank you for sharing your exercise when I feel so down with many criticisms. I do write a diary. Now, I begin to understand that my journal has many voices. I’m grateful to know that I can implement your breathing exercise by taking a deep breathe and read it aloud. Really appreciate your this video.

  151. scarlett

    Hi Marie,

    What if that particular critique is actually something you are aware of as your flaw/weakness and have tried many times to improve, but didn’t really gain much improvement in that area of weakness?

  152. I liked this video and I feel empowered by it. Thank you.

  153. I have a neighbor who rips apart everything I do. My website sucks my products suck everything I do is subpar…but she never tells me how to fix the problems she sees….just how awful they are…..and how she knows so much more than me and she is an expert in websites and online marketing but she never offers to help.

  154. Karen Marsh

    I have a manager who wants me to assist another department but when I put forward my ideas he always has a different way of presenting it and then wants me to rewrite what I have done so it makes sense to him. Then he wants me to deliver what I have done to others but because it is not in a format that suits me I find it very difficult. He uses phrases like ‘it would make more sense to do it like this’ or ‘it is more joined up if you present it like that’ or ‘you need to be strategic’. What he is indirectly saying is what I’ve done isn’t good enough. What I have started to do is ask what outcome is he looking for, then request that he leave me to deliver the outcome in the way that suits me. If I do not achieve what is required then we can discuss it.

  155. Big thank you for the episode! It’s very to the point, makes me feel much better, although I still kind want to continue suffering about this critique I recieved from a client. In my view, it’s not so hurtful to receive negative feedback from your readers/viewers, I mean larger audience, than from someone superior – a client or director. I’m a starting illustrator, so any harsh comment on my art makes me cry and hide into a cave 🙁 I have to do a lot of free test illustrations to apply for projects, and most of the time they’re considered not suitable, too cartoony, or too girly, or too smth else, it frustrates me so much! I always try to do a really good quality job, and then it ends up in nothing and a crappy comment. I wish I could finally find someone that would appreciate my work, and, preferably, pay for it 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I so hear you, Ella, and you’re absolutely not alone. I hope this episode helped provide a few tips to help brush off that criticism and keep creating. We also did a great episode a while back about using naysayers to help you keep motivated, so I thought I might pass that one along to you too for a few more nuggets of wisdom: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/10/naysayers/

      I also thought I’d share another episode about what to do when your best work is being ignored, as that’s another great one for creatives: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/04/best-work-being-ignored/

      We’re sending our best wishes, and hope you start seeing some positive feedback flooding your way soon!

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