Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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For the longest time, I felt like such an imposter in the business world.

I’m really goofy. I take things personally.

And, I’m always looking on the bright side.

More than a few times, I’ve walked into business relationships bright-eyed, with open arms and a fully trusting heart — only to discover in hindsight that I probably should’ve been a bit more cautious.

The future of business belongs to the kind, the enthusiastic, the optimistic. Click To Tweet

But being optimistic, kind and warm-hearted is who I am!

That’s my DNA.

Those are some of my superpowers and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

So when I read this question from Ginny, who’s afraid that her positive outlook is making her appear weak and naive — especially as a CEO, I had to respond.

Because here’s something I know deep in my heart…

Strength isn’t pretending to be something you’re not. It’s having the courage to live from the truth of who you are.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever been tempted to suppress one of your core strengths because you thought you’d be seen as weak, naive or somehow less capable? What specifically happened and how did you handle it?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

And, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration and your story may be exactly what someone else needs to move ahead.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

Thank you so much for reading, watching and sharing with such grace and enthusiasm.

You’re a bright light in my week.

With so much love,

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347 comments

  1. Thanks for this video! What really resonates with me about what you said is the importance of creating the right ecosystem for yourself to thrive. I’m a positive person but not exactly bubbly; having good colleagues to surround yourself with can really help maintain that positivity.

    I know sometimes I’ll get stressed with the amount of work I’ve got going on and the number of distractions I face and I’ll let that stress show and negatively affect the ecosystem around me. That’s one of the biggest sources of guilt for me in day to day work. At any rate, it’s also good to have colleagues who will let you vent and not always have to be that constant ray of sunshine if things start to weigh on you but who also trust that your resilience to bounce back with a positive outlook.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Right on, Lucy! When you have a great team who really gets who YOU are, and who can be there for you when things get stressful or tough, it makes such a huge difference 🙂

    • I am SO jelly! See, I’ve always been everyone’s ray of sunshine. People around me just didn’t seem to be able to stay positive without me around. That is when I’m being true to my genuine, positive self. What’s your secret to maintaining that balance?

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Jacqueline, that’s definitely a tough balance to find — I’ve often been in that situation in the past where I was the one people depended on to be positive, and that’s fine of course until YOU need a little sunshine yourself!

        For me personally, it’s about having at least a couple go-to people who you can really depend on to lift you up when you need it. Taking the time to recognize and acknowledge when we need support is such an important part of not letting negativity pull us down.

        I thought I might share a couple MarieTV episodes that I really love that talk about some tips for this!

        http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/02/dulling-your-drive/
        http://marieforleo.com/2012/06/stay-positive/
        http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/12/tonglen/

        • This is such a wonderful conversation! I love this!
          My experience is a little different. I have never been so much the “ray of sunshine” for others, as much as the “shoulder to lean on”. However, everything you are talking about still resonates powerfully with me. Sometimes, I need a “shoulder to lean on” too, and I find that in the people closest to me. Mainly my wonderful girlfriend and my closest friend (even if they are not playing in the same “work field” with me).
          One thing I always come back to whenever I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed in work is this simple truth: Whenever I’m stressed or distressed about something, it is not the situation that is making me feel that way, but the way I’m thinking about the situation. And that doesn’t mean that the way I’m thinking about it is “wrong” or “bad”, but simply that I’m confused. I’m a bit confused for a moment, and my feeling of stress is just letting me know that I’m not seeing the simple truth in this situation. So I can go to my partner or my friends and talk it over with them, and I can count on them to help me see things more clearly.
          All the best!

    • Ken Song

      Thank you for filming such a good episode . I think we may have met this situation . Because we are so hospitable and kind that others just characterize our amicable behavior as weakness. I still have a vivid memory. The memory talk about my own experience . I used to be an amiable person ,and other students just take this kindness for granted. Worse more, they think I was so weak that they could bully me verbally .
      This kind of personal insult is all too impolite. So I think Marie you should have put this online ,so that I could know how to coordinate myself at that time . haha
      Thank you for this video very much.

  2. Marie

    I grew up in Brooklyn, NY and sometimes feel as if I sound uneducated because of my choice of words and my Brooklyn accent. I tried so hard to suppress it and to make myself sound smarter, only forcing myself to slow down, over think my word choice, and sometimes stutter – which is the total opposite of what I wanted to accomplish. I’m still self conscious of the way I sound, but have come to terms with who I am and am continuously trying to embrace my Brooklyn twang. 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Embrace it, Marie! I love accents — they make us unique 🙂

    • Ieva

      Ah accents! I worked as a personal assistant to someone who told me that I “sounded like a Pennsylvania farmer” (which he meant as an insult). He said I needed to be acutely aware of how I was “presenting myself through my voice.” He wanted me to change myself to fit his lifestyle. I grew up in the Southwest having immigrated as a child from Europe. I learned English by absorbing what I heard through TV and conversations around me. I graduated with honors from a prestigious college. Most people tell me I have no accent (besides sounding like I’m American). I was a well respected receptionist for many years and no one ever had a problem with how I spoke. This employer ended up doing everything he could to put me down and made me feel ashamed of who I was. I left that job to start my own amazing business (thanks in huge part to B-School!). Now I know that my natural characteristics and the way I present myself make people want to work with me. Don’t ever be ashamed of where you come from! As long as you are kind and generous with people, they are going to see how amazing you and your natural BK accent are!

    • Donna

      A Brooklyn accent is wonderful! Please know that people from everywhere see someone from Brooklyn as strong, resilient, and tough when you need to be. Wear that as a badge of honor! Don’t muffle your own voice. We need you!

    • Taylor P.

      I know how you feel! I get berated by colleagues and clients sometimes for my southern charm (ie – everything is “down” from Texas and most definitely the use of the word y’all). Even without an accent, allowing local euphemisms into your speech can make others think you’re quaint, out of touch or stupid. I’ve never understood that! I wish more people would value differences instead of mocking them. Just goes to show that maybe those people aren’t worth being around, no matter the money or power! 🙂

      Also – the Brooklyn accent rules! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!!

      • I’m smiling at everyone’s experiences! I’m an Iowa native but I spent many summers in Texas with my grandparents. I adored the sayings of old people! People would talk about other people who were “knee high to a grasshopper” or that it was “raining bullfrogs”…things like that. I love them! Even now, I’ll tell people I really enjoy that I think they are buckets-o-awesome or that I want to get together because I could use a little shot-o-(insert name here).

        There was a time when I got really self conscious about the way I speak because first, people would comment on how properly I spoke. So I tried to lighten up. Then I started getting comments about how poorly I spoke. I ended up exhausted by trying to make myself “acceptable” to others so they would feel okay with me. Admittedly, while there is a part of me that values approval, the big lesson for me was that everyone has an opinion (for better or for worse).

        I do best when I’m showing up in a way that makes me the happiest. Those who appreciate my little quirks and funny little sayings are the ones I want to be around.

    • Lisa

      Marie, just so you know, I moved to Australia a few years ago, from Phoenix, AZ, and most of the Aussie’s say they’re #1 favorite accent is the Brooklyn accent! Just sayin’.

  3. The situation I found myself in where I suppressed my positivity and enthusiasm was actually my relationship with the father of my children. And I’m still in that relationship.
    See, what had happened was, he would gripe and complain and talk crap to me about my being so happy all the time and he would accuse me of “flirting without knowing it” all because if I seemed happy while talking to someone it was viewed as being flirtatious. That was obvious bullshit because flirting by its very nature is a conscious decision and act. You can’t flirt and not know it. You can have people mistake your vibrance for flirtation but that’s on them.
    But in my weak state of being, I just wanted to be whatever he wanted me to be.
    So, I became cynical and mean-spirited and cold. All the things I’m not. And I stayed that way for years with a few unsuccessful spurts of trying to be myself again. I was depressed and often times suicidal living this way.
    Eventually, over the years, my husband (boyfriend, whatever) realized that I was no longer the woman he fell in love with and apologized for ever trying to force me to change and he began changing himself so that I could be myself without fear of persecution from him.
    I know, I know. I just made my husband sound like the biggest douchenozzle of all time. And he was. But he’s working on it. We’re working on it. And things are getting better slowly but surely. And it’s going to take some doing but I’m digging in deep to uncover the old, happy, positive me that always saw the bright side no matter what.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Jacqueline, I just want to give you the biggest hug right now. Who you truly are on the inside — that lovely, positive YOU — is definitely still there. It’s great to hear that your husband is working on his own struggles and you’re starting to uncover yourself again.

      We’re sending so much love and big Team Forleo e-hugs your way <3 <3

    • Thank you for your honesty, Jacqueline…I have been in that boat myself and can relate. I’m so happy to hear that you noticed what was happening to you and that your partner woke up as well; that says so many wonderful things about the both of you!

      • Lisa

        Wow, I also have seen that my natural happy state has been suppressed by my family. My teenage daughter actually told me that she was so embarrassed about how nice I am to perfect strangers, that she works really hard to not be like me at all, so she is shy and quiet. My heart just breaks about that. I have been so not myself since hearing that. I always considered myself a spiritual loving person, but lately I’m just a sad faced zombie. I’m so grateful for Marie’s videos. I’m hoping with some practice I can let the real me come out again. I loved who I was…where did she go?

  4. I’m reallllyyy corny. I love making jokes that are full of puns and I used to get a little embarrassed when I wouldn’t get the laughs I expected. It kinda made me think hmm maybe I should cut that out. But I realistically know I could never do that. If there’s is a pun to be made I must make it! SO I recently decided if no one was going to laugh at my jokes I’d just laugh a little harder because in the back of my head it’s like “here we go again no one’s laughing” and turned it into an inside joke for myself.

    I use it in my conversations and I’m not going to change it because others may not laugh. What’s so wrong with laughing anyway?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Omg I LOVE puns, Monica! It’s such a great idea to turn that into a little inside joke for yourself and just keep on being yourself. 🙂

    • This is fantastic! I’m a pun junkie as well (raised by the king of puns…apple didn’t fall far from the tree)! Totally going to try your “inside joke” approach. Pun-sters unite!

    • Diana Lin

      Monica, I LOVE your trick of turning a could-be insecurity into an inside joke with yourself instead! That idea just totally created a shift in my own mind! I must steal it 🙂

    • Tara

      Puns are my favorite! I always laugh at my own corny jokes. The best thing is when you come across someone who gets it. 😀

    • I’m tickled that you laugh at your own jokes! I used to repeat jokes I thought were hYlarious and I usually was the only one laughing at the jokes. I would laugh so hard that the people who didn’t find my jokes funny would laugh with me because they couldn’t NOT laugh when I was clearly enjoying how corny my jokes were! I figure I’m the only one that my jokes need to matter to and that anyone who doesn’t find them funny might need to lighten up a tad. 😉

    • OMG Monica, this is the funniest and I totally relate! Sometimes I laugh so hard and when people don’t find it funny I think the situation is hilarious! I guess same as you, I just found a way not to feel awkward. My “people”, how I call my loved ones, already love me and so what if I am hysterical over a bad joke. I laugh my head off at their jokes, too! Thank you for this comment!

    • Richie

      I actually started to write weekly Friday puns on my facebook page. I know some are corny, but I enjoy them and if it makes one person chuckle, it’s all worth it.

  5. Good episode, and much needed in today’s society; let’s not mention politics; it’s anything but positive. I believe in positivity, and that it’s a way to weed out folks who aren’t positive; because you won’t attract them, you will instead attract like minded people.
    As a leader, it’s important to be authentic because others are watching, comparing, and often sometimes waiting for you to slip, but remaining positive will outlast the naysayers, every time.

  6. Thanks for another amazing video, Marie!

    The part that stuck out to me was: “There’s no prize in suffering.”

    It took me a long time to get to this point, but I now firmly believe that how I feel is just as important as the work that I’m doing.

    As a journalist, I’ve always assumed that the story came first. In other words, the ends justified the means. But after multiple burn outs, I’m starting to question that logic.

    I’m writing a blog post right now and the last sentence is: “No matter what anyone tells you, you’re no less of a journalist for taking care of yourself–ever.”

    Thanks for the extra boost of confidence that I’m on the right track, Marie!

  7. I really like this video. I am like the lady asking the question. I have been looking for work, but the very small community I live in sees me as naive and very sheltered, (or not very smart) like I do not know anything. The other thing I find is that I am 56 years old. They want someone younger and more vibrant. I am now really trying to get my own business going. Young Living Essential Oils and Products. This video really helps.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Dana, we’re so glad to hear that this video helps. I must say, from my own personal experiences, that vibrant has nothing to do with age. Being YOU and honoring your own unique voice is what makes you vibrant.

      We’re cheering you on as you get your business going, Dana! xo

  8. This is such and important topic! Go I was in the middle of $1 million deal with investors to invest in the consumer products company. It was three men and I found out that Mr. where is conspiring with my lawyer to basically steal my company from under me because they thought that I was essentially a stupid woman who needed to stay at home with her kids but they loved my idea. They wanted to take my idea from me. They planned to cut the money I would receive in half and then cut my equity down to nothing. They said I was lucky to have such a deal. When I found out I walked away from that deal. It would have meant a lot of money for my company and family, but I was not going to be bullied by these men. They saw me as weak, but I showed them I was strong enough to walk away from nearly a million dollars,

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Oh wow, I’m so sorry that happened to you, Stacee. And HUGE kudos to you for being strong and doing what’s best for you and your business!

  9. Sharon Meredith

    Thank you so much, Marie. You always have great advice. I have never done things like others and have been told I’m “too nice” in multiple sales jobs. However, while I was rarely the top dog, I was always in the top 25% AND I knew that I had done the right thing for my clients. Your analogy about the flowers helped me see that “I’m okay”!

  10. Sha

    Great A to the best Q that I’ve thought multiple times myself. I have considered “down playing” my positivity, my girlyness and even my wit to be in a room full of men. And then I took an improv class where I am the only female in class, which just happened by chance. We bring so much to the table as women!! In my humble opinion, Thank God we bring positivity and enthusiasm to business, if not, there would be that rain cloud of gloom hanging over us. Good for you for rising above the negative and being true to who you are!!

  11. Suzie

    I’ve had times in my career when I felt as though I wasn’t supposed to just be me. I’m usually happy, a little goofy, bubbly and I’ve even cried at work. What can I say, I’m human. I never understood why I was supposed to be one way at work and another outside the office. It always felt completely foreign to me and made me feel uncomfortable. But that is how i was told I was supposed to be. Now I just let me be me, even at work. I talk too loud sometimes, I laugh a lot, I skip down the halls if I feel like it, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, because that’s who I am. And I think it’s actually help people around me feel more connected to me and others.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Love it, Suzie!

    • Suzie, we are so much alike!
      I am so glad you decided to be yourself!

  12. I struggle with this also!

    Great video, Thank you.

    Judi

  13. I can suppress my woo woo gifts, which I think are some of my biggest gifts to offer to others. One way I try to overcome this is by taking small turtle steps to push on the edges of comfort zone. And with each small step I take to present my true to others, the easier it becomes. Thanks for this great topic. XOXO

  14. In my field all managers are mean..i dont know why and i always felt pressed to act the same when in leadership positions cause its all the example i know…but now i have learnt to be myself to be a cool leader people work better under such leadership and experience job satisfatcion..am glad i have learnt that i can be soft and caring yet sound and firm at the same time..helping people under me..

  15. Mary Gafner

    Wow, Marie! This nails it. Just quit my dead end job because of thi very situation. Suppression to the point of depression and mediocrity. I’ve also suppressed parts of myself so as to not (in my perception) offend others or have them internalize my energy as their weakness. Not sure that makes sense but anyway thanks for this enlightening email and helpful info!!!❣

  16. Oh, this one hits home – I only realised after working with an incredible coach recently that I’ve been hiding away far too many sides to me in my own business. It’s incredible how much can happen when you truly embrace everything you are, and however scary, start putting that out into the world. For me it’s not being afraid to show that positive, EXCITED, crazy, talkative, GEEKY side to me. This confirms to me even more that I’m now on the right track. Thanks so much, Marie!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Rachel! We’re so glad you tuned in this week and it really hit home 🙂 xo

  17. Tal

    Great video as always! The importance of finding an environment that lets you thrive and grow your strengths is so key. I’ve thankfully been able to find that in my work environment, but what do you do when you find your home environment is limiting? For financial reasons I still live with my parents and I find the negativity often overwhelms my positive, optimistic personality and I feel limited in how I express myself. Not a great way to start the day before even getting to work! Do you have any suggestions for what to do?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s such a good question, Tal — I know you’re absolutely not alone there. It’s especially tough when the negativity comes from people who are closest to us.

      There’s a lot of advice about “cutting out” people who aren’t good for us, but that’s not always possible or desirable. For me personally, I find that it helps to meet people where they are. That sometimes means we may not be able to turn to our family or some of our closest friends for certain things if they’re not in the same place as we are, and that’s not a bad thing — it just means they may be at a different place in their journey. Finding people who ARE on the same wavelength is one great way to find the support you might not receive at home.

      Marie shares some tips about this in this other MarieTV episode here: http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/02/dulling-your-drive/

  18. Stephanie

    Thank YOU for this episode, Marie!

    I am a kind and loving person, overly compassionate and forgiving, discreet and shy, super sensitive and I guess I could say introvert. The genuine interest I give to people is always very much appreciated because it comes from such an authentic place. Yet, my kindness seems to make people think that it’s okay to step all over me sometimes. I feel like I am not always taken seriously.

    I know in my heart that it has nothing to do with me, that people who behave this way are just dealing themselves with their own challenge, most likely their need for power and control.

    It has a tendency to keep me from thriving, though.

    I am currently enrolled in B-School and loving it!!! THANK YOU FOR THAT! But I have been resisting taking some steps for that specific reason. Will I be taken seriously?
    I teach yoga and when I connect with my tribe in classes, my vulnerability, my big loving heart and all those qualities I have are what make my student want to know more and follow me.
    Lately, I have received literally daily beautiful “validation” from my students and there is definitely a momentum I feel I need to follow, which is perfect with the online platform I am crafting thanks to B-School. Yet, in the back of my head, there are the voices of those who make me feel weak.

    Following my heart? Letting them win? Following my heart? Letting them win? …

    I am in the middle of this big battle and this video lands at the most perfect time for me. It is the greatest reminder that my strengths are my strengths wether or not they are accepted by my surrounding. And I need to honor and embrace them and more importantly share them with those it will serve.

    Love and Light,

    Steph

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I SO hear you, Steph. It can feel really tough and scary to put yourself out there when you’re sensitive or worried about being taken seriously.

      A couple other MarieTV episodes popped to mind while I was reading your comment, so I thought I might share these for a few helpful nuggets of wisdom:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/07/taken-seriously/
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/06/toughen-up/

      It’s wonderful to have you in B-School with us, and I definitely encourage you to share some thoughts about this in the B-School community too. I know we have a lot of B-Schoolers who are sensitive, kind-hearted souls, so they might have some great advice for you!

      • Stephanie

        Thank you, Caroline! The Toughen Up episode was great! Loved it. Thank you for sharing.

  19. Leslie

    I’ve never been afraid that I’d look weak if I suppressed anything about my personality. I’ve been forced to suppress my intelligence and my accomplishments because it made the men I work with feel inferior. It’s their problem, not mine. Instead of them stepping up, I was told to back down. I felt small.
    I was happy to leave that job. I’m now in a career with people who appreciate who I am and what I bring to the table.

  20. thomas

    Hey, i don’t know if i am a real nice person. This is my fundamental personalty trait but i don’t feel able to connect to any people. Everywhere i go i see people making bad faces , not being nice or pleasant, avoiding eye contact, not trying to socialize…And i feel pain because of that…So, is that me or do i live in a land of los people….Any suggestion?

    ps :reply to this comment only, the one above is not open

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thomas, I’m sorry to hear that you’re running into trouble connecting with people around you. I know there are a lot of people out there who are hurting or simply just too focused inward to connect to the world around them, but that absolutely doesn’t mean that you’re alone. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for friendship and connection too.

      One way to meet more people is to find local clubs or meetups around things you’re interested in, like a hobby or a sport. It can be easier to connect with people in that kind of a space where you already have something in common with them.

      Another thing you can do is simply practice kindness and compassion to those around you, even if you don’t connect with all of them. Marie talks about that practice in this great episode here: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/12/tonglen/

      Sending out compassion into the world not only helps others, but also helps us feel more connected to ourselves and our souls, so I hope you enjoy checking out that episode too!

      • thomas

        Hey Caroline, thank you thank you thank you very much for your advice.

        I will put it into practice as soon as possible.
        I think you avoided me years of therapy….

        By the way, do you have an advice (i live in france ) where i could find people like me who want to share and to connect with?
        and secondly, i would like to know, what is the best method ever to stay connected with marie precious advices….

        thanks thanks thanks again

        thomas

        • Caroline - Team Forleo

          Hi Thomas! Thank you so much for following up, and I’m so happy to hear my comment was helpful!

          In terms of connecting with people, one site I really love is meetup.com. It looks like there’s one in France, and they have listings for all kinds of clubs, meetups, groups, and events: http://www.meetup.com/fr-FR/

          That’s a great place to start, but you can also check around locally for classes, clubs … anything you’re interested in.

          For me personally, it always takes a while to really get to know people on a deeper level, but the more people I meet and the more things I try, it gets easier and easier to find the right people to hang out with.

          Regarding staying connected with our work here, the best way to do that is to become an MF Insider if you aren’t one already — it’s really easy! You can go to the very top of this page and click on “Get Started.” There’s a place there where you can put your name and email address in so you will receive all of our news and updates right in your inbox each week. You’ll also get our really cool (free) audio training “How To Get Anything You Want.”

          Thanks again for tuning in, and I hope our episodes help serve you and your goals in the best way!

  21. I write before to see your video. I have to do it.
    I agree with Ginny. I’m not a CEO anyway I try to do my best as a sister, a wife, a blogger and an economist. I try to be polite, to see the good point, to conduct in a professional way crucial conversations. I got upsed too much these days and my husband suggested be to stress people to obtain what I want. Stress and not be diplomatic or looking to the long run. That’s hard for me. I want to build, to grow, to create not to copy a too much common short looking and selfish and ego-center behaviour.
    Ok, it’s time to hear you.

  22. UH

    Sorry, I forgot the name of the asker, but I would like to point out one thing: As the CEO you are going to shape the company culture like no one else! Wouldn’t it be great if your company’s culture would slowly, gradually change to providing a kind and caring environment to people or especially women in tech? Wouldn’t that make your company an incredibly attractive place to work in?
    I’d say that’s the way to go! 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s such an amazing point, UH. When kind and caring people are at the helm of a business, it can help shape company culture in really amazing ways.

      The woman who wrote in was Ginny, and hopefully she’ll stop by and see your comment too! 🙂

  23. Thank you Marie, I love how you look at what may be viewed as weakness as actual SUPERPOWERS! I too have optimism, positivity and kindness in my DNA and have been criticised in both my business and personal life for ‘being’ this way. At 24 I was the only woman on the management board of a large company and the other managers saw me as a weak female. I overcompensated by dressing older and being more aggressive {and I was miserable}. So I left and retrained as a therapist. Now, I run my own wonderful company spreading happiness and positivity and helping others find their happy place. I’m so glad I took the road less travelled and stopped pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Wonderful, Heather! Rock those superpowers 🙂

  24. Dee

    This is such a good one. It totally resonates with me. I have struggled with this my entire career. I am nice and kind and polite. It’s in my DNA. I am not, however, stupid. And it seems to me that people confuse this, and when they realize I am not stupid, everything changes, usually for the worse. Everyday I grapple with whether I should change my demeanor and just be a b***h right out of the gate. Let’s not get it twisted, I aim to be the best at whatever I do, and I can be the best b***h ever. And I think it would save time and keep the people who try to take advantage of me at bay. But that is not who I am and playing that character would exhaust me.

  25. I do not even need to watch. YES especially for women ….kindness is seen as weakness! Men are praised for it . We’ve not come that far at all.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Jacqui, I so hear you and I know firsthand that kindness is so often seen as weakness. The good news however is that we firmly believe that’s changing, however slowly, and it absolutely is possible to be kind AND change the world, or run a business, or be strong, etc. Definitely do check out the episode for a few thoughts on that.

      It can be disheartening to run up against people who think kindness is weakness — I’ve had that experience personally, but continually living the example that being kind does NOT equal weakness helps chip away at that stereotype.

  26. When I interviewed for an in-house position last year, I first interviewed with the department head. I remember her saying to me during the interview that she loved my positive spirit and energy, but she wondered how well I would work with the team…
    I didn’t get the position (one I could have done with the back of my hand)…and, while I’ll never know if this was the reason, I now think my not getting it was probably for the best…
    If the team was comprised of boring, negative people, then I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed working with and being around them.
    But who would think that a positive attitude and spirit would be bad things? They’re not…and it shouldn’t be those of us who are positive that have to become negative to meet the negative-minded where they are…it’s the negative who should raise themselves up to be more positive.
    Your attitude is a choice.
    (Yes, let me repeat that…it is a choice.)

    • Sarah

      I hear you Rachel! I didn’t get a job once because they were put off by my varied experience (I’d travelled a lot and changed vocations as I hadn’t found the right place for me yet). I was gutted to begin with but now I’m so thankful because I love my varied experience and wouldn’t change it for the world! Definitely a choice.

      • Thanks, Sara! I love your comment…it can definitely feel like, in our society, people don’t always appreciate the skills and wisdom that one gains through taking a varied path…but I hope this is changing.

  27. Sarah

    Love it! I’ve struggled with this so much over the years – especially when I was younger. It’s hard to see your strengths when you’re surrounded by people who think of them as weaknesses and say you need to be a certain (different) way to succeed. So I definitely try to surround myself with like-minded people now. It helps to know that if they’re saying one thing and it’s not you, then that job/ way of life/ group of people aren’t right for you – not the other way around. We have 0 time to waste trying to be someone we’re not. x

  28. Priti

    Love this! Thanks Marie! I have been struggling with this for long and now I am finally realizing how to move on and surround myself with positive people.

  29. Being kind to decent people is OK but being kind to evil people is dangerous. Evil people look for kindness and innocence in people . It makes the task of exploitation very easy. I would first judge a person and then decide if he deserves my kindness or not. I reserve my kindness for some very special people.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Suresh, it’s always wise to carefully consider who we trust. Being polite is of course always a great idea no matter who we talk to, but protecting our hearts from those who would harm us is SO important! Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂

  30. I have a rare and core strength in that I can easily see all sides to an issue, and really hear the strong opinions of others without getting ruffled.

    When I get ruffled is when others don’t do the same for me.

    Story: I was attempting to discuss a current controversial issue, and I did share my opinion (the less mainstream view) but was severely bullied, called names, and ‘unfriended’ on the social medias by two of my friends. This surprised me because I thought we were friends, and friends listen to each other. The one person that flat out argued with me, accused me of saying and thinking something I did NOT say or think, cut me deeply.

    We were friends through a popular, community minded gym, and I stopped going to that gym. I feel like I can’t be my whole self there, when this person is one of the coaches and treated me that way. I didn’t talk smack against her, I just left and have said it was because of lack of finances, or it was just not my thing anymore, and I needed a break.

    So my issue isn’t that I’m at risk of not bringing myself to the table..I love my qualities and they make me excellent at what I do.

    But when I am bullied, I back away fast (which I also support) but I had to let go of an important part of my life because of one person.

    I am (once I can afford it) considering going back, to hell with her and her rude, bullying self, but her presence there makes me feel unsafe emotionally, and like I can’t bring my whole self to the gym…I have to be careful of what I say, who I say it to, leave parts of me at the door…

    So I’m conflicted. It feels like my kindness, and ability to understand and accept differences actually gets misinterpreted and thought of as “fake”.

    Idk. People can get so threatened by others.
    Any thoughts?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Dylan, oh I SO hear you there. I’m also pretty quick to back down from any kind of conflict (even minor ones), and while it can be good for our hearts to take a break, it sounds like returning to the gym is something you might like to do in the future.

      If you do decide to go back, you might choose to kindly approach that person at some point to clear the air. I know that’s no small task since that’s probably my biggest struggle personally, but whenever I address conflicts head on, I have to admit it does help!

      We did a great episode a while back that’s really helped me think about this in a different way, so I thought I might share it in case it’s helpful: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/03/communication-strategies/

      That doesn’t mean you have to apologize, and it definitely doesn’t mean this person will instantly earn your trust back. It could be as simple as “hey, I know we had a disagreement a while back, but I’d like to put that behind us.”

      I will say, you definitely deserve the right to show up in that space exactly as who you are, and while going back might feel a bit strained at first, if it’s something you love, it’s worth finding your way back!

      • Yes. Thank you.
        I don’t miss her in my life. She is a bully to others, although has a core group of friends (all at the gym). I won’t apologize…she misunderstood me, and never gave me a chance to explain…she put words in my mouth and thoughts in my head and wouldn’t take my denial of those things as authentic. It was horrible.

        But I might be able to consider acknowledging the conflict, and invite moving on from it, and see if she will do that. I have no attachment to if she ever trusts me or not, that’s up to her. Her mistrust is all her too. But what *I* need is to trust that I can keep myself emotionally safe while in her presence, or while being coached by her.

        That, I don’t know yet. There is an alternative gym that might be perfect for me. When I can afford I’ll check it out.

        But I think part of me knows I’m being really stubborn about this issue, letting her determine where I go and what I do.

        I can’t tell if I’m being wise by not participating where there is bullying and drama, or if I’m running scared and “letting her win.” It’s been a year, the other friend in the original conflict has come to me and apologized and we have repaired fully. We were closer, and it means something to regain her friendship. This person now? I don’t really care if we are friends again, as we weren’t really close to begin with.

        Thanks for the link, I’ll go watch!

  31. Great message for being authentic!

    I was tempted to suppress my innate kindness, because it has harmed me before – much as you report Marie – it left me vulnerable to those who would exploit my willingness to trust until proven otherwise. Such cost me more than $150k in the school of hard knocks! Yet I didn’t want to become fully distrustful. My kindness has mostly served me well. My slight shift was to one of Trust, But Verify. I’ve learned I can still be kind AND protect myself; these ideas aren’t mutually exclusive.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      “Trust, But Verify.” Love that, Dodie! Wise words 🙂

  32. Stephanie

    I feel like I’ve always been a suppressor, as a habit. I’ve come to realize that I get serious social anxiety and clam my happy self up. I wish I could be my natural self no matter who I am around and without being under the influence of some other substance.

  33. Vasudha

    Yes, my feeling that I am being too nice to everyone around me, and somehow people doubt my happiness in their achievements. I am a positive person and genuinely happy for others in their little or big achievements in life. Lately, I have this feeling of my friends doubting my intentions and distancing from me. Am I wrong? Should I go all out and explain myself or just let it go

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Vasudha, I’m sorry to read that you’re concerned your friends are doubting your intentions. Have you perhaps brought this up to any of them in a kind way? I sometimes find that when people are doubting others’ intentions in this way, it often comes from them feeling unsure of of themselves in some way, or not knowing how to honor others accomplishments themselves. It’s not something that everyone does naturally, so some people might wonder about your intentions.

      Sometimes being really specific when you’re supportive can help. Instead of just saying something like “wow, you’re awesome,” it might be something like “wow, I’m so happy that you got that job — I know it’s something you really wanted!” or “congratulations on winning that race; I’ve been impressed with how hard you were training!”

      I often like adding in things like that, as it makes people feel like you’re celebrating them and their hard work.

      And of course, keep on being kind — the world needs more of that 🙂

  34. Jim Buchanan

    The message of remaining true to yourself is right on! But your trusting and positive and collaborative nature can at times leave you vulnerable. But there ARE proactive steps that you can take! For example, if you are dealing with sophisticated (and possibly somewhat slick) people in major dealings, when it comes time to cement a deal, make sure that the things that are important to you and have been verbally promised to you are in black and white in the paperwork; do it kindly, but do NOT settle for verbal assurances. (And with that, even though you may be trusting that the contract is fair and square all around, go against your nature and go the extra mile to really get the details checked out…)
    You are neither weak nor naive’, and being prepared to protect your legitimate interests proves that! Ronald Reagan was unexpectedly and extraordinary successful in dealing with the former Soviet Union, and his motto with them was from the Russian saying, “Trust, but verify”.

  35. Vicki

    As always, you’very nourished my soul! You are a bright light! Thank you for sharing truth and love!

  36. Marina

    You wouldn’t even believe the amount of misunderstandings I’ve been involved in just because I am who I am. I’ve been accused of trying to steal friends’ boyfriends, or flirting with bosses, while at the same time there were rumors about me saying I’m a lesson, or plain unstable mentally! In reality, I’m just a happy-go-lucky type of person. I always try to keep an open mind when it comes to other people, which is why I have so many good friends I feel blessed for. That didn’t come until I accepted who I am, flaws and all. Now, I just can’t bother to hide anymore. Quite frankly, having to pretend to be someone you are not feels soul-sucking.

    • Marina

      Obviously, I didn’t mean “lesson” -silly autocorrect! I meant people thought I was flirting with girls! Oh, the irony (when friends think you’re actively trying to seduce their guys!)!

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Haha oh, autocorrect!

        It’s awesome that you’ve come to a point where you accept all of who you are, and keep on rocking that, Marina! 🙂

        • Marina

          Thank you, Caroline! You guys are such awesome cheerleaders, and I mean that in the nicest way on the planet! I think it’s really important to accept ourselves the way we are. When we do, others start to see us differently too! That doesn’t mean that there’s no room for improvement, but these things don’t cancel each other out.

  37. Hi Marie,
    When I saw the topic today I was so excited to hear what you had to say. I knew this was the message meant for me…and then the name of the person was GINNY! It was literally you talking to me!
    I have spoken to male ceos who have told me I have to be ruthless in business. I asked myself at the beginning of b-school, “am I too polite for business?” Thanks for always being there with great advice and insights.

  38. Freida

    Loved it! I can soooo relate to this I have a very unique accent that sometimes causes people to under estimate me by thinking I’m a dumb Hillbilly, but, the people that get enough good vibes from me ( or curiosity takes over), and they hang around long enough to determine I’m far from being a dumb Hillbilly, find my accent to be a gift given to them by me, then they bring more good people into my life.

  39. Cat

    I used to suppress my verbosity when I was younger because a friend told me that he thought I was using big words for the sake of them. For years I didn’t use any of the bigger words I knew for fear of being perceived as inauthentic, until one day I woke up and realized I was speaking waay below my intelligence level. My new mantra is to not hang around people threatened by my vocab and to use words I love to clearly express what I mean 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Cat, ahhhh, we’re so cut from the same cloth! When you mean a word, only THAT word will do, no matter how big or small. Awesome that you’ve decided to embrace your lovely vocab!

  40. WOW…this is so me….I feel I am viewed as Naïve and weak because I’m not the bitch that they see others be…. I have a high powered position and I am in constant criticism about how “soft” I am. I love people and I swear Marie we are too much alike….you are like the better version of me! I love your sexiness, your humor and your constant impactful inspirational talks!!!! love you Marie – you’re the best. Love Roxanne

  41. Elaine Morrison

    Greatness…you can read minds or we’re great minds in the circle. My sentiments exactly it’s my true Wall Street experience as a Mortgage Credit Analyst…wow!!! Now in Florida redefining purpose or living my passions and I’ll never call this phase on the journey work. Thanks for doing all that you do. Blessings friend.

  42. Thanks for the information. It is one thing that people take kindness as a weakness however more important to know what is it these people see, hear or are attracted to in our kindness, that they feel it is a weakness and they then can prey on others kindness for their own personal gain? This is what I would like to hear more about and understand.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s a great question, Mike. My own personal take on it is that people who are predatory and who would take advantage of others (either intentionally or not), tend to look for people who look like they’d be easy to take advantage of. They would naturally avoid trying to take advantage of people who are mean or predatory themselves, but instead look for people who they think they can push around — so rather than look for someone like themselves, they’d look for the opposite.

      What they don’t realize is that someone who seems nice, pleasant, and kind can also be strong and say “no” just as easily as someone who is mean.

      I’m sure the answer is a bit more complex than that, but I hope that helps!

  43. Charissa S.

    Thank you so much for this video! Being a mid-career corporate professional, this is an awesome video for the younger generation. It’s vital to be authentic and at the same time, realize where we are sabotaging ourselves via assumptions.

    I had a bit of internal struggle in my earlier career and was guilty of suppressing who I was, hiding my Light & being someone I wasn’t – which made me feel unhappy, suspicious & pessimistic. Being and embracing my authentically nice, positive & enthusiastic self has helped me navigate through unsavory business situations in a patient & smooth manner with grace & kindness, enabling me to conduct business with respect without regrets.

    Thanks for the inspiring message & helping all of us listen to our Hearts in Business & Life!

  44. This couldn’t have come at a better time. I could type a novel here about this , but I’ll leave it here and just say, “Thanks once again Marie!” I need this in a big way today. You are changing so many lives with your work.

  45. Rhonda Ruff

    Needed this today! Although I still haven’t completed BSchool after two years due to life events, it is still in my plans. This message applies to me at my current job and could not have been more timely. Love it!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Rhonda! And we can’t wait to see you in B-School whenever you’re ready to jump in. Feel free to email us anytime if you have any questions about that: bschool AT marieforleo DOT com 🙂

  46. Jean

    Thank you Marie – You must be PSYCHIC. I appreciate this confirmation today 🙂
    I know this all too well. And this confirms why it is so important to clear out those that don’t get it (lest your spirit starts to die).

    LOVE your new website!!

  47. ja

    My core strength is my ability to give more than I take in all my relationships. I am generous in a way it is mistaken for stupidity. Or arrogance. One time, my best friend loved my silver chain and it was natural for me to just give it to her. I have given away my silks one other time. I love it when they wear and feel the joy I felt. Also, it is not like I give away things because I did not like or care for them. Contrarily, what don’t like myself I hesitate to give to others. The times when I have to make myself small is when people feel entitled to my giving. Especially, my family when it comes to money. They get angry and upset and label me penny pincher or possessive of material things, it just rips me. Every cell in my body cries to be so badly misinterpreted by my own parents and siblings. At such times, I wonder if I have been wrong in giving anything , in the first place.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      JA, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you and you’ve been misinterpreted by your own family. I don’t think it’s ever a bad thing to share generosity and kindness with others, and if your decisions about giving things away (or not) isn’t something people can understand and respect, that’s much more about them than about you.

      It can be especially tough coming from our own families though, so I always find setting boundaries is really important. I also thought I might pass along this wonderful episode Marie did about what to do when people do you wrong: http://marieforleo.com/2011/03/people-wrong/. I hope you enjoy checking that out for a few nuggets of wisdom!

  48. Samira

    I’m in the tech world, I’m not a CEO but I find it so hard to be myself in my role. I never had this problem before but I have also never been in such a male dominated industry. I recently have issues with a client just turning anything I do into a problem. I didn’t want to admit it out loud, but he is definitely sexist. I have no idea how to get around it.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Samira, I’m so sorry to hear you’re running into that problem. Having worked in many male-dominated industries myself, I completely understand where you’re coming from.

      Bob Burg’s work has been immensely helpful to me personally in this regard, as he’s all about teaching how you can be influential and persuasive while still being your authentic self. We featured him on this great MarieTV episode here, which you might like to watch for a few tips: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/11/win-people-over/

  49. I needed to hear this episode this morning!! Thank you.
    I have always been told that I am too nice and it is said as a weakness.
    But as Ginny said, it is in my DNA. This was more difficult when I was the president of my family business and as well as when I was the Senior Manager for another business. I however love people and am compassionate. I try to use these in my new business as a Sales Agent.
    Sales is hard and if I was not a positive person – I would be depressed!!
    I will gather myself again this morning and be OK with who I am.

  50. I’ve always considered my kind-hearted nature my strong-suit. A few years ago, when I was just out of college, a boss told me I would never be as successful as she knew I could be because I was too nice. It kinda shocked me. Then it hurt my feelings. Then it made me mad. I tried really hard to hide my empathy and kindness, but after a few months, it felt like I wasn’t being truly authentic to myself, or my values. I went back and told her that maybe I wouldn’t be as successful as she thought, but I defined success a little bit differently than she did. For me, it was about the legacy I wanted to leave, and how I wanted people to feel after they met me.

    A year later, I met a mentor who was just as kind, and empathetic, and energetic (fun) as I was. She was very successful, not in spite of her qualities, but because of all the unique things she brought to the table. I learned so much from her, and I am proud to approach business (and life) a little differently. It’s my winning combination!

  51. Susanne

    Wooonderful!
    I Love this video! 🙂

    I spend years, trying to find out, why I am more positive than others seemed to be. I always heard, I am not authentic. I did therapy for that!! Hahaha!! OMG! Now, I’m 38 years old, and I know, this is my DNA, no worry, no other choice, no doctor, and I love it! 🙂 So my message now is: Love it about me or leave me, and never tell me again, you know better who I AM than ME, MYSELF and I!!!! 🙂 !!

    Big hug and kiss *

  52. Nicole

    I actually have the opposite problem – I’m rarely seen as weak, more often my critics say I’m coming across too confidently or strong. Ginny mentioned her Gallup Strength was Positivity – one of mine is Command. I’ve personally struggled with this talent as a woman. We all know that ALL of us do have self-doubt and fear, but I tend to project (and, in truth, do have) a great amount of self-confidence in my ideas and my strengths. I have too many examples of being in a room and not being heard or taken seriously as a woman, while men pitched the exact same ideas, and having to pull my superior aside privately to discuss what happened. (Thankfully, they have always been quick to acknowledge and affirm me and then to work hard to do better next time. How grateful I am for this!) I have learned how to use a gentler tone, to be inclusive in my leadership, and to be more upfront about my weaknesses (think: Brene Brown and the courage to be vulnerable). But I definitely feel like I’m still second-guessing myself because of feedback I’ve received related to my Commanding presence 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Nicole, right — the other side of the coin can be a big challenge too. I’m so glad you mentioned Brené Brown, as her work on vulnerability is SO awesome in this regard! 🙂

  53. This video really helped me round out a situational-something that has been sort of bugging me the last few months. I come from a very close knit family of parents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and we spend a lot of time together (and it’s a lot of women!), but we’re not exactly “lovey-dovey” – hugs are not something my family did on a regular basis; (until I brought home my husband, who is a total hugger).

    On my last visit home, we were playing a game called “5 second rule” (really, really fun time killer, btw!) The point is you have a fleeting 5 seconds to name three: _______ somethings. Three baseball teams, three cereals, three ways to say hello, etc. It’s not enough time to “think” so your answers really come from gut instincts.

    On my turn, I got “Three things you do when you meet someone.”

    Now, making friends and greeting new people are some of my strengths! So, I sang out, “1) say hello, 2) wave, and…. 3) give them a hug!”

    My favorite aunt, the sassy, independent aunt who I always said was my favorite (secretly) BURST out laughing upon hearing the last one. It was an immediate, gut-reaction of “that’s just crazy”, and it totally crushed me! I defended my answer but I kept playing the scene over and over for days wondering if I had been acting like a crazy person all along.

    Fast forward a few weeks: I was meeting a group of my close friends’ childhood friends. I could hear my aunt’s laughter in the back of my mind. So I held back… I smiled politely and sort of gave an akward wave to them. And the next thing I knew, I was being wrapped up in a warm “nice to meet you – you’re a person that someone I care about, cares about” kind of hug.

    And I felt awful. While I loved being greeted that way, and it made me so sad that I didn’t show what I knew I wanted to express at first, for fear that my judgemental family member would somewhere, somehow be judging my actions.

    I’m not saying I don’t actively use my intutition, and therefore go around hugging everyone I meet, but… I will never again be the one that holds back from a welcoming embrace when someone else offers it; I will be the offer! 🙂

  54. This reminds me of a quote from Scott Stratten. “Don’t try to win over the haters; you are not the jackass whisperer.”

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      OH my gosh, I’m cracking up over here, Laura. I LOVE that!!

  55. Geoffrey Riddle

    Hi Marie,
    Great advice! If you haven’t already interviewed her, Brenee Brown, author of “Daring Greatly” covers this topic and would be great on a future training.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for the suggestion, Geoffrey! We haven’t had Brené on yet, but we love her work and it would be awesome to have her on a future episode!

  56. First of all, I want to give major props and thanks to Marie for this. Watching someone else be successful while staying true to who she is has been invaluable to me!

    I have struggled with this very thing – I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard people (mostly men) say “you’re too nice.” or “you need to be more aggressive,” and “people will take advantage of you.” I just couldn’t do it – it’s not who I am, and the thought of treating people in a way that I wouldn’t want to be treated myself makes me physically ill.

    So I decided to plug ahead with being myself, and here is what happened:

    People didn’t take advantage of me. Being nice and being smart aren’t mutually exclusive.
    Being nice and being firm and assertive – also not mutually exclusive. In fact, I was often called into meetings to “handle” difficult personalities because I’m able to get people to see other side of things without being inflammatory (the other part of that equation is also being a good listener).
    Yes, perhaps I was perceived as “weak” by some. In fact, I know I was. But you know what? People who saw me that way completely relaxed and inevitably gave up really valuable, strategic information – the type of information that allowed me to keep me or my team from having the rug pulled out from under us, because they thought I was either too dumb or too timid to do anything with it.
    I never had a problem finding AWESOME team members, because people have a good time working with me and tell their friends. They would go to the ends of the earth to get our projects done in the best way possible, and we had a lot of fun doing it. And the best part – I truly love and cherish everyone I work with. They’re more than team members, they’re like family to me. Who wouldn’t want that??

    Yes, a typical workday with me might involve a Michael Jackson dance party, using Songify to vent about the set designer who’s gone temporarily cray cray, and laughing so hard that we almost piss ourselves, but life is short. I’d much rather spend it enjoying my work and the people I do it with than conforming to some outmoded notion of what it means to be a leader and business person.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Sara! What a great comment, and you’re such a lovely example of how nice can also be strong and smart 🙂

  57. Love that you’ve touched on this topic. I too have felt the need to suppress the kind person that I am who also comes with a sunny disposition. I was born that way, and I’ve come to accept I can’t change this. While I find it’s a good quality that should be admired, I’ve often been knocked down and derailed for it as well as bullied by those who just hate a person who can wake up on the sunny side of the bed. Some don’t have that ability. Sad for them – right? As a solution, I’ve come to realize this type of personality has a place in the world and I just have to find that place. I’m now looking into opportunities where having a kind heart and a good nature is a much needed commodity and an asset that can be rewarded for opening new doors and building relationships that those unkind folk just don’t have the capability to do. Don’t blame them as they are stuck being grumpy. We are not and that’s what makes we kind hearted ladies unique and special, and much needed in the world. Stay committed to kindness being the new trend and the future of how business needs to be done! I’ll stand by you and support you every step of the way. P.S. I’m about to launch a new product for women who travel … it’s all about helping people find their sunshine!

  58. Truly loved this Q&A Marie! Thank you. 100% resonated with the question and your response. Totally agree that “The future of business is about being more connected to your humanity, not less.” Here’s to more kind-hearted leaders stepping up and leading the way.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      YES! Cheers to that!

  59. This almost made me cry.

    I’ve been naturally SUPER positive and joyful since I was a little kid, and started getting shamed for it when I entered the public school system in 5th grade (was homeschooled until then).

    I’m now more myself every day, stepping into these strengths and owning them as I grow my business. The more I’m myself, the more clients I notice I attract.

    Thank you so much for sharing.

    Love,
    Lula

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Exactly, Lula! People can tell when you’re being authentically you and it’s magnetic. 🙂

  60. I love all of your videos – thank you all of you! – but this one resonated with me so much. I’ve been suppressing so much of me for so so long and, yep, it leads to depression, via a loss of self. I’ve slowly been dipping my toes in to setting up a new business and one of the absolute best bits of that has been seeing how people respond so positively to *me*….it’s been a huge confidence boost and your video, today, has only reinforced this message to me. Thanks Marie. Thanks Marie’s team. (Oh, and the Oprah hug photo cheered me up no end! Go Marie!! Can’t wait to see it!! You’ve convinced me, even more, that I *will* get my own hug from Oprah one day. I know it). Helen xx

  61. Alexandra

    I loved this video. I have always found great people to work with. Lately, I have been through huge transitions and I realize how important it is to place yourself in the right environment for growth. I loved the plant example 🙂 THANK YOU for sharing this Marie Forleo 🙂

  62. It’s in my DNA too. I decided a long time ago to embody the qualities I admire and which I am, and kindness is one of them! There is a BIG difference between being kind and being naive, and just because you are a nice person doesn’t mean you have to let people walk on you. Even the Dalai Lama will excuse himself from negative people. 🙂

    Before I worked for ME, I worked in a male dominated industry (printing) and saw a double standard ALL the time – how women who are assertive are “bitches” and often try compensate their femininity to act like men, and women who are “sweet” are viewed as weak and asked to do things a man would never ask another man to do, and of course some women use their sexuality to get ahead, which only keeps the objectification of women going. It taught me to be WHO I AM without apology and without excuses. I am super nice, and I am also not a doormat. I wound up getting a LOT of respect from the men I worked with and moved up in my company and wound up with a terrific job offer from International Paper in management when I was only 26! Great advice and thank you for your light and inspiration Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      PREACH! Nice =/= doormat. Keep up the awesome work!

  63. emily

    Thank you so much. I’m going to be listening to this one all week. Lately I’ve been in a work situation where I feel as if I’m CONSTANTLY under review. It’s put me in a situation where I am overly conscious of my weaknesses and it’s stolen my attention from my strengths. For instance, my strength is that I’m really creative and passionate about what I teach, but my weakness is that I lack authority. Truth be told, my classes are going REALLY WELL, but in my reviews, I have always made some mistake. I didn’t address a problem correctly or I overlooked something. How do I address these weaknesses, without appearing even weaker? I feel like a cat chasing her own tail.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good question, Emily! You might like this episode of MarieTV where Marie is talking about how to make a comeback: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/06/comeback-youve-people/ She gives some tips in there for how to address mistakes in a positive way that fosters trust and confidence.

      • Emily

        Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.

  64. First, love the new site Marie! It would kick so much ass if you went through it and why you did each thing and how they are working for you in terms of opt ins and sales as a B-School bonus!

    Also, with the video, I have never felt like my optimism is a weakness. I guess I’ve always been blessed with ability to not care about what others think. If anything optimism can annoy some people, but not me. It’s always sunshine and rainbows over here!

  65. So loved this for today! I’ve been struggling with just this thing lately – specifically with a verbal contract that didn’t work out. So frustrating, and I blamed my own naivete and positive outlook for the outcome. The illustration with the flowers was perfect, thank you! xox

  66. I was JUST thinking about this myself! It has seemed to me that super successful people are ‘Elusive & Exclusive’ so I had been wondering “should I be more stand-offish and unavailable? Like you Marie, I am friendly and like to be in the hub of my peeps. But I was wondering if my accessibility was making me seem needy or too common. Thank you for your perspective on this!

  67. Senait

    I’ve also felt discouraged by the idea that I have to repress who I am to make others respect me or want to be my friend, even. I’ve always been a really positive person until I started noticing that people were always taking advantage of me in some way. It’s like they saw my playful and kind nature as an opportunities to play on me and/or get me upset. I think what’s tough for me is seeing that, knowing what they’re doing and not letting it dampen your mood and thoughts. It’s tempting to want to feel sorry for myself but I know that is completely disempowering. Instead I’m learning to encourage and celebrate my perspective in a world that in my opinion, needs more of what I/we got and less of the negative.

    • Senait

      And I loved today’s video, Marie you look extra bright today!

    • melissa

      Senait,

      Wow! I can completely relate and I didn’t realized why people would play around or try to get me upset. I’ve concluded maybe those people don’t understand positivity and want to just “break you” so you can become more relatable to them?

      I will keep your words “It’s tempting to want to feel sorry for myself but I know that is completely disempowering” in my back pocket to use as a tool. You are a wise woman. Thanks for sharing.

      Melissa

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! The world can always use more positivity. Thank you for sharing yours! 🙂

  68. Ian

    Thank you Marie ! 😀

    For the last five years, I attracted three business partners that profited greatly of my generosity… only to take even more when money came in ! :-/

    I am now doing my own thing — until the next business proposal 😉 — while keeping an open and generous heart because I like it that way ! 😀

    Thank you for the reminder that I need to keep my authenticity in all situations !
    All the best !
    Ian

  69. I’m the same way – I walk into every situation and meet every new person with the assumption that they are going to be as open-hearted, kind, honest, and positive as I am. Then sometimes… I feel a little like I’ve been duped for being so trusting. Now I go into things with a tiny bit of caution, just a subtle reminder to myself that other people might be looking out for themselves a the expense of others. But I still give the benefit of the doubt and stay positive. Some people (especially in sales) consider this naive, but I can’t see life through any other lens right now. You’ve gotta do you, boo!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true! I don’t think your approach is naive at all—I think it sounds really smart. You’re still maintaining your positivity while making sure you’re not being taken advantage of. That’s fantastic!

  70. Marie,
    My former boss set up a specific meeting to tell me I’m too nice to our clients and vendors. I didn’t argue with him. I quit my job and started my own company where I can be free to be nice, honest, and positive. I can also make the choice of who I want to work with and who is in my ecosystem.

    My favorite quote from today’s video is “put yourself in the right ecosystem”. I love this Marie, it is so helpful and such a good reminder for all of us.

    Melissa
    instagram.com/martymariecompany

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad you stayed true to who you are and started your own company! It’s hard to believe that a business owner wouldn’t want his employees to be nice to his customers—it sounds like it was a toxic environment. Good for you for trusting your inner wisdom!

  71. LOVE this one! What a great message. Nice people finish first in business!

    U rule Marie Forleo 🙂

  72. Michael

    Hi Marie, your video this morning almost made me cry. I am an alpha male CEO but incredibly kind hearted. Your analogy of flowers was incredibly powerful and 100% accurate. When I look back on my career at the times I was most successful, it was in the company of other kind hearted people. They say we are or become the sum of the top five people we associate with, how true. Thank you for this powerful and timely message today. I am a big fan and enjoy watching your show. In connection and kindness, Michael

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much, Michael! We really appreciate you and are so glad you’ve seen Marie’s wisdom in action. Kind hearted folks are the best. 🙂

  73. Dear Marie, you have spoken true words to me, and I took the very best of them to heart, and I intentionally channelled the happy pozitivity and achieved a level of divine consiousness by believing in manifesting my serendipity. I would never have been able to become who I am without you, and I am eternally grateful. Blessings to you from Jesse, Xo

  74. Laura

    Great Q&A. As usual, Marie always provides great insights and suggestions! Keep up the good work and never surrender your dreams and talents! It’s what makes you special, it’s what makes you, YOU!

  75. Holy smokes! You hit this one in the nail for me! My mother raised me by always saying that I will never be good in business because I was too nice and too naive. Today I am a recently self-made entrepreneur and business graduate. ‘Don’t tell me that I can’t’ is my motto 🙂
    Thanks for the great reminder Marie!
    Otilia

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love it, Otilia! I’m so glad you stayed true to yourself and proved the naysayers wrong. Kindness always wins in the end. 🙂

  76. I so relate to this topic… For years I’ve heard that I was “too sensitive” and “fragile”. I think it’s easier for people to quickly label others without getting to know them. That used to get to me and make feel undervalued. Quite honestly it made me feel invisible most of the time. That until I finally realized that my sensitivity and willingness to be vulnerable, was what made me strong, not weak. People will always have their opinion, I can’t change that. But I can and did learn how to not let that get to me. Seems so simple, but it was such a game changer in my life… Thanks again for sharing such great videos! I hope you have a lovely week! 🙂

  77. I’m 65 and have been self employed since 1980. My first business was co-owning one of the first Apple computer dealerships in Toronto (Canada). Back then nearly all of the computer dealerships were owned by men. The annual Canadian dealer meetings were FILLED with men. But I didn’t see being an only woman as a negative but rather as a positive – after all I was one of the very few women in technology back then. I’ve always been confident and talked a lot (one of my strengths!) so at every dealer meeting I made a point of standing up and asking a question. People remembered me (and my biz).

    So … make every negative a positive and be proud of who you are and show it 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so cool, Trudy! I’m so glad you stayed positive. I know that undoubtedly paved the way for many more women in tech in your area to follow. 🙂

  78. Amy

    I can totally relate to the accent/pun-loving/optimistic comments as I’m a (formerly not very street wise) and still optimistic/positive and cheesy pun-loving Canadian who has lived and worked in Australia, Ireland and now England. I don’t think anyone or their abilities in business or life should be identified by where they come from, but growing up on a farm in a rural part of Canada has made people point out lots of things about me which I never realised could be seen as weaknesses to them, or strengths as I now view them. I think a lot of it comes down to your own morals, values and beliefs and how much you’re willing to compromise to make others more comfortable. In Australia, people thought I was diplomatic, genuine and self-deprecating, which they for the most part thought was charming. Other times, I was told I wasn’t blunt or to the point enough. To me, I was striving to be polite and professional in business, which apparently came across as being overly politically correct or sweet. Don’t get me wrong – I can have a cynical side too and love banter and cheesy puns, but compared to most Irish people I met along the way (including my now husband), I was considered a naive, wholesome and always looking on the bright side Canadian. But I refuse to see the downside of things before looking at the upside. Since moving to London, that has been amplified as I encounter people who seem shocked when I offer to help them or make eye contact. Now when I return to visit Canada, friends and family comment on how I’ve changed – small things to me but to them they must look big enough to point out. I feel like I’m always learning something new about the place I’m in and how much I want to adapt to fit into it. But I won’t adapt to the point where I throw basic manners out the window, pretend to ignore someone in need of help or stop sending thank you notes the old-fashioned way. I am going to hold onto those basic principles because without them I feel like I will lose myself!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good point, Amy. Culture does have a lot of bearing on the things we see as nice, kind, direct, blunt, etc. I can see how it would challenging to navigate, especially if you’re traveling between places!

  79. This is so wonderful! I spent my twenties in the cosmetology industry, which can be quite cut-throat, and had SO many women tell me I was “too nice”. I always thought, why would I want to be anything else? I love people and I love love! Now in my thirties I carry more confidence, and hear those comments less and less. I recently started my own photography business and the big entrepreneur heart inside me is squealing for joy at this tweet able! Thanks so much Marie and team! Can’t wait for b-school 2017!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yay!! That’s so awesome, Lindsay! I’m super proud of you for following your heart and doing what you know was right for you. And congrats on starting your own photography business! I think your cosmetology skills will really complement that. (Everyone wants to look good in their photos, right?!) We’d love to see you in the next round of B-School! 🙂

  80. Oh this video hits home. I sat in a well paying job at a male dominated CPA firm for 5 years suppressing my upbeat personality and naturalist tendencies. I ended up miserable and getting really sick. Once I finally decided to be me at work, not much changed (I wasn’t fired on the spot like I’d worried would happen!) However, it was very clear that was NOT the place for me. I’m still looking for a larger career change out of accounting, but while I’m where I am, at least I am being myself!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We’ve got our fingers crossed that you’ll find the perfect career for you—one that appreciates your positivity. 🙂

  81. Gemma Rogers

    I used to think I was quite a TomBoy and masculine and I thought it was necessary to be more aggressive in the work place in order to be taken seriously and get anywhere. It actually wasn’t until I had an Ayuvedic reading that I was made aware of my feminity and that I should be using it as my strength in the workplace. I am very caring and encouraging by nature and as soon as I started to tune into who I really was things around me shifted dramatically. My work environment was much more positive. I could use my femininity in the forms of nurture and encouragement. As a manager and mentor I am an inspiring, motivating, positive influence, instead of being another unhappy person just breeding more aggression and single-mindedness in the workplace.

  82. Thank you so much for this video! And for this reason I joined BSchool!
    I have worked with numerous of clients that have taken advantage of my kindness and have sucked the life out of me. I am now learning how to attract the kind of people I want to work with. I also understand I have to set boundaries, but it can still come from a place of kindness. No more brain picking.
    Celia

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes, yes, YES. You really hit the nail on the head! It’s so important for kind people to set boundaries and to attract other kind people so they feel energized rather than burned out. Go you!

  83. Vanessa

    This video resonated with me as it made me realize (Light bulb moment)…I don’t like the people that are in my immediate work surrounding. I enjoy a majority of my clients and partners…just not my co-workers. Thanks Marie! I am currently in the process of finding my happy place…

  84. This video hit the nail on the head! At my 2nd job out of college, I was told to “curb (my) enthusiasm.” At my 3rd job, my boss criticized me as being “too chipper” in my annual review. My (now ex-)husband even criticized my optimism. (Insert sound of needle being scratched across record here…Say what?!)
    I tried being “more professional” in the ways these people suggested & just made myself m-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e in the process. I got to the point where I could either continue to suffocate my true self & go insane OR make some different choices. This is why I dumped my husband in 1998 & started my own company in 1999. I am the full-blown version of me (purple hair, converse & all!) & am wildly successful. My indominable spirit & can-do attitude have enabled me to raise $80M (yes, your read that right!) for nonprofits. I’m about to write a book, too!
    We only have ONE precious life! We have to listen to our hearts and follow our gut instincts, do what we know is right for us. Surround ourselves with people who share & support our vision, who we are in the world. Do the one thing we were meant to do.
    Otherwise, why bother?

    • Kathy Beauchamp

      Hi Sarah! I love your story! I have a niece who sounds a lot like you and she also went into raising money for non-profit work, tattoos, platinum bleached blonde hair, piercings and all! Good for you for staying true to yourself against all odds!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      CONGRATS! You followed your heart and made magic happen. Love it! 🙂

  85. Oh yeah!!! I love this video. In my company, I instituted a pre-call one-minute meditation for all our weekly conference calls so we can see our business thriving. The practice has supercharged our calls and made us closer as a team. I was nervous before suggesting it, but I trusted I had the right people on my side and I was right. Looking forward to implementing even more similar practices as we grow…:-)

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      What a cool idea! That’s the perfect way to start a conference call. 🙂

  86. Kathy Beauchamp

    Hi Marie!
    I appreciate your joyful approach to life and business very much! Several years ago I worked in the construction industry; definitely a male dominated industry at the time. I was invited to come to a different state to manage an office for a project at a site that was remote from our central office. I needed a change and jumped at the chance. I had worked with the project managers at a different site close to home for a few months and believed that things had the potential to go well. Perhaps I should have acknowledged the red flag when the company did not offer me a per diem stipend like they did for the men that left their homes to go to this temporary job. They expected me to leave my apartment in my home state and move to the location. They did pay for the move, but….When I arrived, I plunged right in. I treated the rank and file guys with kindness and tried to help them to do their jobs more efficiently. I also followed the lead of the woman who trained me and provided a few little extras for the guys on the job. I cheerfully worked the long hours required. I performed my job well and complied with what was expected of me by the upper management. I also treated the upper management team with respect and special treatment for birthdays and special events. However, the construction industry is filled with partyers and they tend to indulge in activities that I am not drawn to after hours. I would rather go explore my environment and see what the new state had to offer in the great outdoors. Perhaps this was construed as being anti-social, perhaps my new boss resented the attention I paid to the rank and file, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, who knows! I was just being true to myself and apparently someone did not like it. When it came time to close down the job, my boss informed me that they would not pay for me to return to my home state! What a shock! I was to be abandoned in a strange place far from friends and family and home! Well, fortunately, a knight in shining armor showed up in the guise of a male friend I made while on the job. Not upper management, but supervisory staff and a valuable asset to the company for many reasons. He appreciated the fact that I was always willing to go the extra mile for him and his rank and file workers. My friend was asked to supervise personnel in a new location for the next project my boss was to be involved in. He told the “gentleman” that he would not honor his request until he had apologized in full to me and paid for my way home, which is eventually what happened. It is unfortunate that this man chose to victimize me and to this day I really have no idea why but I accepted his apology with grace and stayed to close down the job with a reduced staff, then returned home at the company’s expense. Needless to say, I did not accept their offer to go to another temporary job site; rather I found an opportunity with a different company.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh my gosh, that sounds awful, Kathy. I’m sorry you had to go through that. That sounds like a really toxic work environment, so I’m glad you got out of there. I hope the company where you’re working at now appreciates you.

      • Kathy Beauchamp

        Thanks Mandy! That story is a tame one compared to some things I have experienced in the work place. I truly hope that Marie’s vision of kindness in the business world can be made the new reality. The world needs kindness and love more than anything else. If we practice those two things, all else will follow.

  87. Diana Lin

    I’m kind, loving, and super empathetic–AND I’m irreverent, goofy, and have a strong creative drive. This has led me to seek opportunities for innovation at my job, but where I work, fast and constant change or tweaking is actually not that beneficial for the clients. Also, every other person on the management team was more PC than me, and I didn’t feel like they’d get or appreciate my jokes. And yes, I worried that my goofiness combined with my restless need to generate new ideas all the time (“input” and “ideation” are amongst my top strengths in the Gallup StrengthsFinder) would make me seem unprofessional, or like a “flighty” kind of leader. Interestingly enough, most of my colleagues were women, and my super nice and caring side was easily embraced and understood. My more “masculine” energy (risk-taking, straight-talking, more “raw” or humorous styles of self-expression, etc.) was not. I started feeling burnt out–not just because of the inherent stresses of the job, but because I didn’t feel like I could be myself while doing it.
    I recently stepped down, and am now phasing out of the company! Sometimes, no matter how wonderful a company and its people are, it might just not be the right fit for your particular strengths or style. I’m now applying to jobs in different settings/industries where I don’t have to worry about hurting clients by being my irreverent, ever-innovating self! And most importantly, I’m in B-SCHOOL! I see owning a business as the ultimate blank canvas, where I can express myself and use all my strengths in the best ways that I know how.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Diana. There are perfectly nice people that just aren’t a good personality fit. I’m so glad you’re in B-School! Having your own business is a fantastic way to attract the kinds of people you want to work with. 🙂

  88. andrea albarran

    I am actually very very glad that some people think that I am only a young naive girl. They have nooo idea what is in my mind. I love that. One time my brother gave me advice he said: “dont smile that much”. I have always been very nice but that doesnt mean Im stupid or naive. My smile is only a smile, but I do not underestimate a smile. It is powerful and beautiful, I believe. Theres a big difference between being a pushover and being nice. When I sense that people are trying to take advantage of me I very nicely but strongly exit the situation. I have been drained out and I will no longer permit that, even if its family members!! I follow my gut even if someone else gets mad. I value my own wisdom and gut feelings. I may “fail” sometimes but I always get back on my feet, stronger every time.

  89. Suzanne Lamont

    Here is a compliment: This dress is perfect and amassing on you.

  90. Monica

    Thank you so much Love this.
    Yes Yes yes, I have suppressed who I am at my core and been viewed as weak. I have employees in place because of necessity and they do not share my core beliefs of sharing and giving back to those in need. I have kept these people employed and tried to find a place in my business for them because I am a responsible employer and everyone has good qualities right? We will just find the place they fit and work with their strengths. This has drained me to my core and tested my beliefs and greatly weakened my business and I finally realized they do not have what I want in my business and this is my business not theirs. These employees are bullies and have disrespected me and my business and have to go! I am now of Broke, in debt up to my eyeballs and not happy about any of this that I let happen because I was being too nice. I am still working on finding solutions. I will soon be making a lot of changes and the people that took advantage and disrespected me will find themselves jobless and I am finally OK with that! Being nice does not mean putting up with disrespect or letting your employees run a muck. I will find like minded people to share this journey with.

  91. Thank you, Marie, for this video! It came at the exact right time in my life.

    I am a mid-20s female entrepreneur (enrolled in B School!), blonde, caucasian, and an absolute sucker for positivity. I have struggled with this my entire life – from being put down for being too “bubbly” to not being taken seriously in college whenever I raised my hand.

    Now I am launching a business that engages and targets both the male and female population. Being a female founder of a business challenges how I brand my business, my visibility, and of course, my reputation. I know that positivity and ambition are my two best strengths (according to strength’s finder & the B School assignment to ask our friends/family) and yet, it has been a constant struggle to figure out how to radiate my strengths without being seen as a fake or worse, unintelligent.

    I wrote down the quote to ignore those who find your strengths to be your weakness. Thank you for this reminder as I continue to push on with my business, come hell or high water.

    Much love to you!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us, Allie. I know it sucks to have people think you’re fake or unintelligent when you’re really just being yourself and they’re being judgmental. Some people are going to be quick to judge no matter what you do and there’s not really anything you can do to stop them. However, Marie does have some tips for things you can do to squash your fear of being judged: http://www.marieforleo.com/2011/11/fear-of-being-judged/

      Additionally, you mentioned you were in B-School so you’ve probably done the ICA exercise already. Your ICA is the person you most enjoy working with and who most appreciates you. Your ICA would never think you were fake or unintelligent, so focus on her. She matters way more than the Judgy McJudgerpants folks.

  92. Kieran O'Brien Kern

    I’m super energetic, bubbly and all that goes with that. When people tried to walk on me I laid the smack down because I’m Jersey like that!
    I had a work environment that was full of not too happy people. The only way I’d escape the vortex was to be me almost defensively. Never Compromise your core self for a culture! Be you and be the best you possible!

  93. I have a strong since of confidence and find myself talking to just about anyone. This skill has allowed me to get friendly with just about anyone in any level of an organization. I have also found this skill useful when trying to get help, my friendly attitude and ability to listen opens doors.

  94. After listening with an open heart, I couldn’t help but to hear familiar Belief patters. Perhaps there were some possible root Limiting Thought patterns surfacing. “I am weak,” I am weaker than a man, I am not Accepted, I am not good enough”. Maybe explore what you honestly Believe about yourSelf, Positivity and Strengths. Then Intuitively ask your Higherself to reveal the best replacement thought. “I am Strong” I am Accepted by my peers” I am successful in all areas…things of that nature. Everyone will have a different replacement even if the same belief is True.

    I think being honest with yourself is the first step. Step 2 is Awareness. Step 3 replace the Limiting Thoughts that are replayed as stories. Hope this perspective helps. –

    Intinite Blessings & Success,
    Kymberly

  95. Wow, did this video really hit home! Having always been positive and kind in my personal life and in business, I have found there will always be people who misinterpret kindness for weakness. Their misinterpretation has to with their own sense of boundaries and power. Some people think that in order to be powerful they have to leave kindness at the door. When I encounter someone who misinterprets my kindness for weakness, I’m always hurt, disappointed, confused and my self-confidence takes a hit. But, I have learned to take a deep breath, re-evaluate and re-assert my own power of kindness and caring. In my last job I was responsible for arranging and managing large board and executive meetings. It required many people to pull these off and I always made sure that I personally thanked everyone that was involved. Sometimes I would give little gifts. I love to laugh so I would try to keep things light and it helped to relieve the seriousness of these meetings and some of the stress. Since I was working in an organization that showed little or no appreciation to its employees, expressing my thanks and appreciation went a long way. People were more than willing to pitch in and help even it is wasn’t their job. We need more kindness and compassion in today’s world. Be unique and keep being kind and caring, who knows maybe you can change someone’s opinion about power and weakness!! Thanks for a great video!!

  96. MJK

    Marie,
    You nailed it on the head – suppressing your true self leads to depression and mediocrity. I know, I lived it. It took a couple years of counseling and divorce to get me beyond this state, and now remarried to my perfectly imperfect partner, I can sparkle.

    Thanks Marie!

  97. I never related so much! I felt like this my entire life, and POSITIVITY is one of my five gallup strengthfinder’s strength too!!! You cannot imagine how I wish I’d heard this advice 20 years before. I lived as I did’d want to grow too much as a professional, otherwise I would have to give up from my positivity and lightness. This is the FIRST time I see someone addressing this subject. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! That frees me up and I feel all my flowers will blossom bursting… hahahahaha… I feel like I want to run on the streets screaming how awesome you are Marie

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Hi Dani! There’s not a way to edit from this page, but if you email us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom with your updated comment, we’ll be happy to post the edit for you.

  98. Mei

    Love this video! Thank you so much for producing it, Marie! You are such a bright light shining in this world. I can’t agree more that it’s important to be who we really are no matter what others think. I sometimes struggle with the kind of reaction (or the lack of it) when I speak from my heart. But I also recognize that nothing is personal. What others do or don’t do is a reflection of who they are. While I respect that about them, I don’t let that determine what I think or do.
    Mei

  99. Thanks for sharing this video Marie!
    As a CPA, I find that sometimes I have to hide my kindness and sweet side in order to be taken seriously. But this past year, I’ve let that feeling go because I was fighting myself every day on what to show and what not to show. I realized that I have to show up. Me. And that someone has an accounting degree and is a CPA (I like structure) but I also love to keep things light and love to laugh. These qualities have actually helped my career. Program people in the not for profit company that I work for love working with me because I’m approachable. And they have supported me in promotions and my growth. So absolutely. Be true to yourself and the universe will be on your side.

  100. Julie

    Awe… I wish I were your neighbor; I’d bring you some of the cookies I just baked. You encourage me so much. So, you asked:

    I grew up with un-diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. I had to really work to fit in with everyone else and got tortured when I didn’t. My approach to any given situation was always superior, when tested, but more often it never got to that stage because of my neuro-awkwardness and the observant, clever, clever bullies – some of the best on the planet… Because I’m female, I have very good coping skills. I collected feedback like mad (covertly, of course), processed it and navigated my way through Jr. High and High School. I think I did pretty well, but… many, many of the best ideas I was ever privileged to have pass my way were declined because of that feedback. What might have been we’ll never know.

    I’m over 50 now and like the song says, my give-a-damn is busted. …a very liberating thing. Just the thought of developing one of these marvelous ideas causes such joy. That I’m actually doing something with an idea brings amazing contentment. All this time – – I only needed to give myself permission. Live and learn.

    But you know… I’m still in contact with about 300 people I’ve gone to school with – through Facebook. Some of us get together now and then to catch up and I’ve places to stay while traveling across the Country. A few of this group have even collaborated on successful business ventures. So, who’s to say? It’s all good and I’m happy today. Have a great one!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad to hear you’re happy, Julie! And thank you for the reminder about the “my give-a-damn is busted” song. That one always makes me giggle a little! 🙂

  101. Rebecca

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!! I am a complete goofball. And I love it cause it’s fun and people laugh. I think it holds me back in my current job, but that is a-ok with me, cause this is just a job. My big dreams not only embrace who I am, I’m creating a for-purpose around it. Thank you Marie, you’re the best and I love who you are!!

  102. Joni Crimmins

    Thank you

  103. Grad Lady

    Hi All, what if someone’s strength is sensitivity and compassion? I was recently judged really harshly for being too much of a softie by someone I considered a friend. I think her and I might be different beasts, she’s very practical, left-brained, and solution-oriented, whereas I’m more into spirituality, feelings, and trying to look at life from a broader, more holistic perspective in which there are no absolute truths. What do you think? Are some strengths better than others? 🙂 should we try to change what our strengths are or hone in on what comes naturally?
    My friend had a fight in which some mean words were exchanged. I felt really bad- I don’t want drama in my life, and emailed her to apologize about the mean words. I told her that I didn’t want to have hostility towards anyone else (which I don’t), but also that I only want to have friendships that are meaningful. She said she was coming from a place of care (but also dissed me while she said it). I responded by thanking her for her care but saying that this way of being cared for doesn’t really work for me, and that maybe we are just too different and shouldn’t have to twist ourselves in order to get along with the other person, and that I think our not being friends anymore (something she suggested) is for the best.
    So, for some context, we’re both in PhD programs in the social sciences. It can be a very small and competitive community and I have felt the need to distance myself from people who are not sensitive like me or who cannot appreciate my sensitivity. My friend said I was a ‘princess’ because of this – I am not a princess, I come from a very ordinary middle class family in a country in the global South and I made it to this American graduate program on the basis of my own courage and conviction, with no real role models. I also make very little money as an international graduate student. I also lost a parent during the graduate program and have been grieving that off an on. I also went through a few breakups in the last some years! I’m also queer and have been coming out! I’m also a Muslim living in an Islamophobic country. It’s been a lot. And it’s made me turn inward to discover what I’m made of and to give myself compassion and love. It doesn’t mean I’m not dating, or not seeking meaningful friendships elsewhere – I’m just being very picky… Is that bad or wrong? Should I just pull myself up by my bootstraps when I experience something painful and not feel anything? I’m just not a left brain kind of person like her.
    Would love other’s perspective on this.
    Thanks so much 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You asked some fantastic questions! If you go to this page http://www.marieforleo.com/marietv/ and scroll down to “Got a Burning Question?” you’ll see a link to submit your Q for consideration for a future show. You’re welcome to submit anonymously.

    • Hi Grad Lady!

      First of all, congratulations on all of your accomplishments and your determination! Way to go, especially in this icky homophobic, islamaphobic climate! I’m also so sorry to hear about your losses…I hope you have all of the support you need.

      I hope you don’t change who you are to make others feel comfortable. I’ve made compromises like that before and it has taken me years filled with “blood, sweat and tears” to unwind that programming. If I knew then what I know now, I would have made different choices that were more honoring to me.

      True friends who love and care about you don’t require that you behave in a way that makes them comfortable. Friendship, like most relationships, isn’t about what one can get from a relationship but rather, what one can give to it and that goes for everyone involved; not just you. If your friend’s complaint is that you’re too positive, it sounds like projection to me. You might very well be reflecting something to your friend that he or she doesn’t want to see in him/herself. That’s not your problem. You sound like a really kind person and you are who you are. You accept people for who they are without asking for them to change. My hope is that you invite people into your life who love, respect, and celebrate the beautiful, kind, spiritual, positive person you are. You deserve that!

  104. Wow Marie, this tooootally resonates and what perfect timing. I had just this experience this weekend. But sadly it was when doing an exchange of skills with a friend, which makes it even more awkard. I often find that some people seem to be so paranoid about giving more than they get whereas I’m not and have come to feel like I get taken advantage of in such situations. People can be very petty and I often end up giving more as I never want to take advantage of someone but totally ignore how fair a situation is for me! It sometimes makes me feel like being petty and ungenerous in return but I LOVE my generous nature (and also see my positivity as my superpower). I do find lots of people who are also generous and open hearted at the same time as being professional and these are the people I will maintain a relationship with.
    I am a feisty madam and can totally stand up for myself in work related situations but falter terribly when dealing with friends and kind of let the walk all over me! Any tips on how to deal with friends making you feel weak in your generosity?

  105. Olivia

    Thank you as ever Marie you are great!, sure! I also have been tempted to suppress my core strength but I always decide better no get into the wrong environment and work to strength my core values which are my biggest treasure. By the way your new website environment looks fantastic, I wish I can build a site such wonderful as this…xoxo

  106. Natalia

    This question could be my question!! Sometimes I feel people don’t respect me because of my kindness and positivity. Exactly as she said, they might think it is naive and weak.
    I’m trying to ignore this type of people, being who I am and putting myself in the right ecosystem 🙂

  107. Love the episode today. It took me a long time to bring my spiritual side into the forefront, but now that I have it out in the open, it truly is one of my top selling features. Anyone who doesn’t jive with that, really should be working with another coach anyway, so it is a win win. I get clients who I adore and understand and they get a coach who supports their growth at all levels. Keep on rockin it Marie; you are such an inspiration in my life!!! Live life in FULL bloom – Lisa of Bloom Lisa Coaching

  108. I can totally relate to this. Before launching my business I was very hesitant to include the term “spiritual” in my tagline “spiritual philanthropy advisors”. I knew it would be viewed negatively by a large sector of the population and potentially the arena I was entering. However, the more I thought about it the more I realized I absolutely could not deny this piece of who I am. And more than that, I believe that in order to be effective altruists we need to be in touch with our souls.
    So I went with it and couldn’t be happier. Yes, there are some who question me and what I’m doing – but this just provides the opportunity for me to explain where I’m coming from. And the best part is that those who “get it” are my tribe. And that’s exactly who I’m trying to attract.
    So be authentic and you can’t go wrong!

  109. Kristen Demaree

    I was amazed to see this in my email this morning, as this exact phrase has been going through my mind.
    From my survey monkey results, I received out of 46 words total, 20 were in the realm of kindness. I have been thinking to myself, that’s really great, but how the hell do I make money off of being kind?!!!
    Needless to say, I don’t necessarily think of it as a weakness, but I don’t really see it as a way to make money. Kindness is giving, and giving is not what we think of when making money: someone with a lot of money takes it from others. (An obviously very simplistic way of looking at it.) I don’t want kindness to be seen as a gimmick or a way of conning someone into giving me their money either. But, I am tired of being poor. This whole experience of B-School feels like I am taking this giant ship and turning it around to go a completely different direction, and this turning is quite a slow and laborious process.

  110. Great post! was just talking to a collegue about this today. Super insightful.

    Side Note- GREAT dress. Do you have a stylist, Marie? You always look so cute!

  111. Nicky

    I have always worked in a finance department and when I was taught credit control where you have to ‘chase’ up money owed from the companie’s clients I have always used my personality to help not hinder me. I have been offered ways of being strong/strict or even mean but I just got to talking to the clients and called or emailed every week. I always had the cleanest debtors list!

  112. Rob

    Yes, in sales I’m often told I’m not pressuring enough, yet I have loyal customers that often state the reason they come back to me IS because I didn’t pressure. In meetings I was singled out and told that being nice doesn’t pay the bills.

  113. I totally get this! I developed my own little mantra for life “You are NEVER too old to enjoy a happy childhood.” I have always been seen as an unreliable goof off but have managed to retain my optimistic core. Even in my mid 50’s I still believe in the essential goodness all around me. My mission has always been to help people win as parents, raising happy, healthy and resilient children.
    Marie is right. Never let go of your core strengths and values. Your superpowers make the world a better place if used for good! 🙂

  114. Nevena

    There is great message in this video.Congratulations !

  115. Melanie B

    I loved this video. It totally resonated with me and my current promotion. I have a tendency to care and I have always tried to makeep everything a win/win at work. I never back down from what I knew to be true even if it means my paycheck would suffer. I didn’t think anyone noticed how hard I work to protect my fellow employees and the company’s integrity. I was about to give my 2 week notice, but the CEO came over to me when he saw me working on my off hours. He told me that the corporate office notices how hard I work to clean everything up and fix errors in their system. He reassured me that my work didn’t go unnoticed. He told me to sit back be patient and keep doing what I am doing. He then informed that I was up for yet another promotion very soon. I could not believe that I doubted myself and almost gave up. I now believe that caring about your work can be viewed as a strength instead of weekness. Thank you so much for this video.
    Melanie B.

  116. Marie, this was so spot on! A few years ago I started coaching a senior female in a Tech company who had been hired to head up a under performing and un-motivated team. Her fear was that she was ‘too nice’ for the role. Roll forward a few years she now has a very devoted, loyal and engaged team. She has also been promoted upwards several times. The lesson for her has been that by stepping into her caring side she has established an awesome degree of emptional capital. And when she has to make a tough or unpopular decision it is readily accepted and without much conflict and drama.

  117. Thank you for this episode, Marie! Much appreciated and I’m glad you are shining a light on this topic! When I started out in my business (as a massage therapist), I did feel as if I needed to “act professionally”, which (to me) meant that I had to maintain a detachment from my clients and that I shouldn’t share anything about myself with them. I come from a family of attorneys who have big hearts but aren’t very demonstrative so, needless to say, I was the family “odd duck”. My massage school also included an extensive Ethics class that covered industry expectations regarding how massage therapists were supposed to behave with clients.

    I opened my first business about 16 years ago. I worked with a friend who was more open with her clients. I could see that she had a healthier clientele than I had so I put on my “big girl panties” and asked a dear friend who was also a client of mine for her honest feedback regarding what she saw as being the main difference. And my friend told me that I wasn’t acting like myself. She said that I was a warm and fuzzy person but I was being distant way with my clients, including her. I was truly grateful for her insight. I have since become more approachable with my clients, am sharing more of myself with them, and I’m enjoying what I do soooo much more! Because I’m more at ease with who I am when I work with my clients, they are more at ease with me and actually trust me more. It’s amazing how people can subconsciously pick up on when one is behaving inauthentically. Who knew?!? 😉

    I do have to say that I do have the rare client who sometimes treats my business (I have expanded it to include breath coaching, and movement facilitation) disrespectfully. He or she might cancel an appointment at the very last minute or not show up. He or she might also call to inquire about making an appointment on a particular day with some rough times of availability, not confirm an appointment in a timely manner, and expect me to hold the day for them, nonetheless. I doubt my clients intend to behave disrespectfully but it does happen.

    When I have to kindly, lovingly, and firmly state my boundaries, I present a policy sheet that each client has had to sign in order to work with me. I try to make people as aware of my expectations as possible from the outset. That way they know what to expect from me. Those clients who are comfortable with my boundaries are welcome to continue working with me. Those who aren’t are welcome to find someone else to work with. I don’t like conflict…it makes me feel reeeeeally anxious! (There, I said it. 😉 ) But, gratefully, my policy sheet acts as a buffer because it helps me to continue to work with clients from a place of openness and ease by allowing me to respond to people who are compromising my boundaries from a place that doesn’t seem so personal. I don’t get it perfectly every time but it definitely helps.

  118. Oh, I loved this episode! It just reminds me that we all have something to offer in our own style. Being someone else just feels wrong. Plus showing up as ourselves is easier! xo

  119. Marie, my guide on the side… You are AWESOME!!! I am so grateful that you are in my reality. Thanks also to Kris Carr through whom I got to you. Concerning todays Q&A about “weakness” one of my favourite ted talks came to mind… Sarah Kay minute 11:31
    By the way B School rocks !!!
    ??

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Nadya, and we’re thrilled you’re loving B-School. 🙂

  120. Oh yea, Ive been surpressing my goofiness forEVER. To come across as more professional.

  121. maria

    Hey there beauty! I have to admit, I do this. Oy, you know how when you meet people for the first time, and you feel like they patronize you with some comment to size you up…like awe, ” your so sweet” ya know..I can tell when it’s genuine and when it’s gross. Every life coach and spiritual truth would say..it’s not personal..but it bothers the **** out of me.
    I commonly hear “it’s like your an angel or a fairie maria or wow, who are you?, you are so wise beyond your years.
    I am currently in Bschool( wahoo 🙂 ) and determined to figure out my uniqueness and and presence my true self that is both sweet and wise and strong..a way to honor my gift of joy and the wisdom I hold..osho says it so well…“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.”
    I realized after some time..that the reason I know and embody this state of ecstasy and bliss..is because I know the spectrum very well..I lived and am living it…and discovered that ecstasy and bliss live in the middle of these emotions and it’s inherent…<3 This is what I share with my beautiful ICA's and friends…<3

    My main take away. 1. What those who have been patronizing, that action really has nothing to do with me…it really is about how they view themselves and what I may trigger inside them. 2. My shying away is me just trying to justify fear and playing small, this is NO Bueno..I get it. 3. It's time to shine and grow 4. I learned to just be comfortable with myself, and excited…even if I feel wobbly…b/c insight without action is meaningless 5 . I love all of you at team forleo, I could cry thank you thank you thank you!

    Have an awesome day!

    Maria

  122. Andrew

    I enjoy all your videos and emails. But I have a big problem. I am a mediocre working class man and I want out of this lifestyle. I want to own my own business and reach financial freedom. I have a couple of ideas to start a business but I really have absolutely no idea how to start or where to start. I am open to any advice or tips that you or anyone can give me. Please help.
    Thank you.
    Drew

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Drew, we’re SO glad to be connected with you. Please reach out to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom, as we’d love to help and share resources we have around your question and the struggles you’re facing.

  123. Agreed! I’m updating my website RIGHT NOW to have the words “spreading love” – I’m not hiding it anymore just to make other people feel comfortable! Thanks Marie x

  124. Angela Venegas

    Love Love LOVE this advice! It’s so true. I am the goofy, optimistic, and have just recently in the last few years learned “take me or leave me” attitude. It’s still very difficult in a “business” environment but I am learning when I supress my inner me the true me…other’s see it and I certainly feel it and it just doesn’t work. When I am myself I shine and others are naturally attracted to me. Thank you for sharing because it’s so easy to think you have to act a certain way in business to succeed. BTW you rock little miss with your cute video’s!! Inspiration abounds!!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Angela, for your kind words!! We’re so happy this was a great reminder for you.

  125. This resonated with me because there was a time that I suppressed parts of myself to get a long with others or avoid conflict. What I realized was that I was not being true to myself and that I did not need to be around those people. The more I showed up as myself the more I developed my voice and strengthen my confidence. I realize that being compassionate, positive, and empathetic are my unique gifts and it connects me with the right people.

  126. Marilu

    I felt the same way in some occasions at work. As a manager at work, being to nice and caring sometimes I felt employees sometimes would not take me seriously when I sent them on a task. So sometimes I wondered if I was weak. Thank you Marie for you videos, I just started watching a month ago and is making a difference in my life. Thank you.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Marilu, we love having you tuning in and are honored to know our weekly episodes and shares are already making a difference.

  127. Joni Goodman

    Thank you for your video. I am a huge supporter of leveraging your strengths whenever possible. In fact, I teach this exact concept in my StrengthsFinder Leadership workshops. If everyone is playing to their strengths then the opportunities will lean more in the direction of being mitigated. I also enjoy your playfulness by including the out takes at the beginning and end of your segment. Thanks for all that you do!

  128. Great tips! Really great!

  129. Emma

    Doreen Virtues book Assertiveness for Earth Angels I’ve found really helpful. Also mediation just a 16seconds of breath in and out can be enough, strong boundaries and firmness with the sensitivity and kindness – prepare for your day and think beforehand what you will and won’t accept in terms of what you’ll joke off and with whom, the deal breakers as in NO! And be clear with what you want, why (people behave and perform better if they share your vision and reasons, they buy in) and repeat what you need – the lady in question was chosen to be CEO for a reason or it would’ve gone to someone else, expect to fire people or lose them as you create the supportive, cooperative, collaborative visionary workplace you are in charge of – I say I’m in charge but not in control because once we’ve discussed and agreed on things I hand over, there are no mistakes only opportunities (so own up and let’s turn it around), my door is always open, but if you say you’re doing something then it’s your responsibility to deliver or engage responsibility with why not and what’s happening – BUT remember that in business there’s not just turnover of money but also people …

    Bryant McGill of Simple Reminders said other day that they “lose” in turnover about 500,000 people per annum and he has following of 5.8million – not everyone is in right place at right time, read Looptail by CEO of G Adventures and come to terms with people turnover and learn not to black their good by them moving on or your companies – also Kris Carr with her self care reminders and Gabby Bernstein – fill your ice with emails and podcasts and positives – I don’t get my support from people I work with but online which means I am buffeted about less by things I don’t want – also the Abraham Hicks podcasts about vibration and manifestation – I’m translating into workplace and doing this stuff in UK legal environment, male, stuffy, bitchy women etc but am rocking it making a living my way, walking my talk and being the change I want to see in our world – go for it and don’t look back. All will be well (& try to enjoy every scarey moment of it – Michael Hyatt has some good CEO stuff on his site about being scared at least 3x per day and having as CEO to give the contents of his head a talking to – it’s comforting to know).

    Much love and don’t forget to also get your fix of Marie – support everyone who’s on the wavelength you’re on and is paying it forward with free stuff and share (& yes, in 25 years of doing it differently and being ahead of the game I’ve been ripped off, most recently last year BUT it is their karma not mine and I’m using it as a tool to raise my vibration – if you’re out there stuff happens, it is how you deal with it that matters – own your power and your truth – no one can rip off your integrity unless you let them).

    Good luck and thanks Marie and your team for all the great stuff you’re doing – the Dali Lama said the future of the world is in the hands of western women, we have the education and freedom of speech, use it people (I include men as many I know dislike the traditional, competitive, combative way of doing things) Much happiness and BIG love (check out Lee Harris for awesome energy predictions and forecasts, big love is how he signs off) xxx

  130. Believe it or not but its often males who are the most responsive when we embrace our unique qualities. When speaking recently on the topic of leadership it was actually 2 male colleagues who went out of their way to thank me afterwards for raising awareness of the need for different leadership styles. It surprised me to discover that my story had resonated with their own experiences … and this was in the motor vehicle industry!

    By sharing my struggles of constantly trying to duplicate other styles I was able to tap into other people who were quietly experiencing the same struggle. Little did I realised that I had been just as powerful (if not more) through my own unique style. What I had always considered a weakness, was actually my biggest strength.

    Diversity in leadership makes for better business because it is only then that are able to bring out the best in your people and touch as many customers as possible.

  131. Shan

    That was a good one! Sadly, I AM one of the people I should ignore because I see my strengths as weaknesses. I whine about my five Gallup Strengths because I feel they were so weak (positivity being one of them.) I almost took the test over! Guess my positivity didn’t work so well for me there. Thanks for this. I will certainly carry it with me.

  132. BUSINESS = BUSY -ness = BUZZY -ness = VIBES.

    Your VIBES are your BUSINESS.

  133. Obu

    I totally related with this post. Being a business owner, I have faced situations where I was sucked into a negative environment detrimental to my physical and mental health. I am managing it better now by being very aware of who I am, my values and letting go of people who are not aligned with my values. I am much more relaxed and happier, living life on my terms.

  134. To be kind to others is definitely one of my core strengths that I will always celebrate rather than curse. I love people and people seem to really like me. At the moment I am a philanthropist and author raising money for the advancement of education by selling 3 books that I wrote as well as a beautiful piano music CD that I had created through a non-profit I founded. Through my work I am sharing a personal story of a challenge I had in life that I battled through with strength. My memoir is actually called The Beauty of My Shadow: A Story of Strength. But what does kindness have to do with all my work? Well it is the topic of the epigraph I use for my memoir as well as for the fairy tale version of my story called The Princess in Pink: A True Tale. I think you can figure out who the Princess in Pink is once you read what it is…

    “Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”― Diana Princess of Wales

    I met the late Princess when I was in a children’s rehab hospital in 1991 and she signed a Recovery Book for me that has inspired me now to make a difference in our world and readers learn all about my drama in my memoir that I wrote more like a fiction book. In the fairy tale Princess Diana signed my book with a magic pen.

    It was after my injury when I was younger that I saw a shady side of many people. I would never behave like they did. I am doing well now but I will never forget what it felt like to walk in the shoes of children who have a disability.

    Kindness is the attitude that will move people most to help you. I never want to change this about me and other people. 🙂

  135. I love this! I went into my current corporate job thinking I needed to adopt the frantic, “Oh my gosh, this is the end of the world if we don’t get this done” attitude. What I realized was that by squelching my positive, “we can do this” attitude, I was miserable and disliked going to work everyday. Since I decided to be myself, things have changed dramatically. And, I always love when I get the tilted-head look from some when I say things like, “Let’s turn this around, find a solution and score!”

  136. Christina

    I understand and agree with core message. However, I do have a word of caution. Don’t allow your niceness to make you a pushover, which can make you an ineffective leader. I have a boss who is very nice, but because he is so nice, he never wants to upset anyone. He’s always second guessing what to do, typically needs a team of people to weigh in on all decisions because he wants to please everyone, and easily caves into his superiors who are always pressuring him for more without providing support. Being positive and nice is great, but draw firm boundaries and be assertive in a positive way so that your authority is firmly established from the beginning.

    • Christina, I couldn’t agree more! Being positive and nice doesn’t mean that I’d let people push me around. I think that’s about being fearful – being afraid that people might not like you and not genuinely just being kind. There’s a thin border and I think that’s the problem – people see kindness as something they can exploit and very often it becomes that way.

  137. Nancy Fayez

    Hey Marie, suppression does lead to depression but i learned this the hard way. I did suppress myself at work to fit in with aggressive coworkers and it only spiraled down into depression which you forgot to mention does not get any of your best work done either. So you are not getting the results you want or is needed in workplace by suppressing.
    What you said about being in an environment to thrive resonates and that plant example awesome & huge clarification to importance of that.
    Right now in my life i am trying to find that environment I need. I also have made note of my strengths and not abandoning them and investing them as well as I can.

  138. Kelly

    This RESONATED with me like you wouldn’t believe.
    I’ve worked all my career in male dominated industries, my positivity, happiness, and continual optimism I do firmly believe has been perceived as ‘girlie’ and a weakness. I’ve never strayed from my core traits but wondered if it is a flaw and hence I believe kept me from believing in myself fully.
    This video could not have come at a better time for me.
    My Senior representative advised me in conversation that to be considered for the position of Director I needed to be ‘less friendly’. (I have to advise here that I don’t socialise with staff for lunch, outside of work or anything other than what I feel is professional, I’m liked but don’t have relationships with these people) the ending comment was that ‘I’ll make you into a b#tch yet!’
    So from now on .. I’m not going to feel bad for the core strengths I possess, I’m living from the truth of who I am, and I’ll also let them know that!

  139. Veronica Morris

    Hi Marie, The Video touched my soul you are such a blessing and I have learned so much and look forward to your emails everytime you post. Thanks for being so inspiring and sharing your wisdom.

  140. Gorgeous Marie – create an eco-system that encourages you to thrive – EXCELLENT advice. The flower analogy enabled me to see that our eco-system isn’t always going to be the best eco-system for someone else. So when we are bringing in the right people around us, it’s good to be aware of that. And it doesn’t make them wrong for not belonging in our eco-system either. Excellent insight for me right now… Thanks!

  141. Marie, I love your tweetable about the future of business. It’s very comforting to step into this realm and support. I’m surrounded by negative people every day who are cynical about our leadership team and their intentions. These people claim that they are just content with collecting a paycheck but they are confidence breakers for people that want to empower themselves towards a bigger career move. For that reason, I have kept my plans for my new business that I’m starting up only to myself and a few close friends. I’m grateful that you created this safe place for me to be me, and positive and take that risk!

  142. The future of business is about being more connected to your humanity….BRILLIANT – thanks Marie for another brilliant clip. As women I think too often we lose our authenticity in business because of fear.

    I have finally learned to embrace my strengths x

  143. Enthusiasm and caring are two huge ways I carry myself. I’ve found it to be a benefit to live both to the fullest. This is coming from a woman mechanical engineer that is the ONLY female engineer in the office (it’s not a small group either). I’ll gladly serve the guys tea, bring in treats or hand out napkins for those treats. I love doing it and guess what? They do the same for me and have started doing the same for others. All the guys are my buds and even the gr0uchiest guy in the office will give me a smile and ask me to advocate his ideas. Being honest about who you are is so important, people will always prefer to be with the person that is being true to their real self.
    Oh, darn. I forgot to answer the question! Yes, I will sometimes I will get nervous about receiving extra attention. I will occasionally want to say or do something, something very bold, but I will be too afraid. Whenever I’ve felt this way and fought against it, I’ve almost always gotten a positive result.

  144. dawn marie

    “there is no prize for suffering”- so very true. I need to re-locate my confidence. My kindness/quiet nature is viewed as a liability. I don’t want to suppress my inner love….but not sure what to do next?

  145. Kit

    Thank you for this video. Makes me realize feeling insecure about showing kindness is in all of us. Inspired me to write a blog post too as I explored my own fears in showing kindness.

  146. “The future of business is being MORE connected to humanity…”. Thank you Marie for being positive, persistent and practical!!! I needed to hear that now I’ll go listen to the rest… 🙂
    I wanted to participate in everything you present but thought I lacked too much but the more I am graced with your generosity and sincere advice I feel better about my ability and know the world is in great hands!

    Much Love!!!
    Chrissy McMahon

  147. Thanks Marie, always enjoy the gold in your words and broadcasts. I love the we are now going through a work generational change into a more relational period. It can be a big challenge for older workers who are adjusting to the idea that we can have friends at work and even more that it is something that should be encouraged. As an optimist myself, I have been beaten down in the past, even by my parents for getting too overly excited. Especially as an Australian, we’re a society that like to have a joke, and it has a place and for the most part that hasn’t been at work. I am learning to embrace my optimist AND the fun human that goes with it. It is so pleasant to be growing into the personality that I was born to have and limited from having due to the times and environment. This no longer youth is enjoying the rediscovery. Loving what you bring to the world.

  148. Julie

    Such a great question! I also have this issue. I do think men have it easier, if they are friendly and positive it’s considered a good thing, if a woman is in a business environment, she’s not taken seriously.

    • Yes, Julie, it’s very frustrating! Men are stealing femininity and being congratulated for that, hahaha, and we got it all and need to calm it down….can’t believe the world we’re living in!

  149. I once had a psychoanalytic ‘test’ to see where my weaknesses were as the General Manager of our social enterprise. I was told that I was too compassionate with my staff, too patient, and too empathetic. It forced me to question my suitability for the role and when I followed some of the advice given to me to ‘toughen up’, I’ve never felt so alien to myself in all my life. It led to me eventually succumbing to the pressure of having to act ‘like a man’ (as I was told) in order to ‘succeed’ in the role, and as time passed, my whole being fell into severe burnout mode. I will never listen to this sort of advice again, AND I now encourage all our staff to be themselves in their roles – after all, they were attracted to the position in the first place because it spoke to one or more of their natural strengths, so why make them conform to ‘corporate’ standards of behaviour?

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Wow, Emma — what a horrible test. Too compassionate? Too empathetic? Not possible! We’re so glad you’ve come back to owning who you are, and encouraging others to do the same. It’s incredible important. Good for you!

  150. jeni pekar

    Hi Marie:)
    Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear this message. I’m a full sun type of girl, and it’s true, take it away or be around others who are no or little sun will wilt you away. I am finally back in full sun, and I’m just going to tell people to bring their shades:)))) And umbrella….I cry a lot!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Love that, Jeni!!

  151. Hi Marie,
    I loved your Q&A today. I often get this criticism that I am too soft/nice and I used to fight it. But lately I have been embracing it because the love in my heart is what makes me, ME! Now I see the future of my field, Human Resources, moving in my direction. Now I am on a mission to bring “HEART” to organizations. I want employees and employers to have synergy where there is a true connection. I am so glad to see that organizations are catching up and realizing that this is the difference that will catapult their success in the business. As always, thank you for the wonderful work that you do.

  152. I can hardly believe that such important values as kindness, harmony, positivity and enthusiasm are still looked down on in the business world in our day….It’s not supposed to be that way, right? Because relationships, connections and engagement win in business, and everyone’s supposed to have realised this by now BUT the sad reality is that I face the same prejudices every day.

    Because of my overwhelming positivity and kindness I’m seen as naive, cute and weak. And sometimes I think I need to get all serious and business-like but then I can’t. I just can’t be anything else but myself.

    And you know what?

    Lately I’ve started to realize that the people that ridicule or look down on me the most, the ones that say the most inappropriate things, they need my kindness and positivity. They need to see that it’s okay to be successful and nice so they can allow themselves to be that same way.

    We judge others for what we don’t allow ourselves to be. Don’t give in! People that need positivity in their lives but don’t allow themselves to feel it judge it as a weakness in others, too. But they need it. They need to see it’s OKAY to be nice and make money not only in spite of that, but because of that. That’s the future. Let’s be on the right side of history!

  153. One of my core strengths from the VIA is Love and it’s one I have to watch as sometimes my love (caring for clients and people I’m working with) can be taxing. And the risk for me is burnout. So while I definitely always bring my strengths to my work sometimes I need to “dial them down a little.” Thats a quote from Michelle McQuaid who has written a book and delivers strengths training. Overplaying our strengths can be dangerous whether the strengths are honesty, humility, humour or love. We need to find that “golden mean” of using our strengths just right. Great discussion thanks Marie.

  154. Hey Marie,
    I founded my own start-up a year ago with flirtcoaching and mentaltraining and I LOVE what do. I get to teach singles to find their soulmate and think that’s awesome. What I’m struggling with is, that some family members find it “embarrassing” what I do and that I should get “a real job”. On the one hand, it hurts and on the other hand, I tell myself I shouldn’t listen. Just because they don’t have the guts to build a business and say YES to their dream job, doesn’t mean, I have to let them in my head.
    Thanx for the video. 🙂

  155. Faldeelah Frantz

    Just what I needed for the day. Thanks for always keeping me positive and motivated.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      So happy to hear that. XO

  156. V.Darby

    Marie! Thank you SO much! This literally happened to me 2 Days ago. Someone told me “Well you just think everyone is nice and that nothing goes wrong, I told you it wasn’t going to work out. You should have listened to me.” After this, I began to doubt myself and BOOM; your email shows up in my inbox the next day! Staying true to ME has gotten me more than pretending I’m not a positive, excited extrovert. I mean, my social media information is @iSpeakLife3 because of how people always looked for me to be positive. I love thriving in that and I’m encouraged to do so because of this video. To all my positive people, don’t “play it small” or “shrink” so that others won’t feel insecure around you. You’re only hurting yourself! Thanks, Marie!

  157. Sophie

    Hello everybody,

    Sorry for my poor writing, my english is not perfect. It’s the first comment that I left since I started to look at these incredible video of you Marie, and thank you very much for all that you share with us. This video really touched me because it’s make sounds to me. I really understand Ginny, i am really positive and love the life as a precious gift and i see all the time hope when something bad happen. The problem i don’t feel free to express my sincere feelings at work because can be see at a weakness. I am positive too, and I try to stay it even i am in a team that firstly see what’s wrong before to see what is good.

    What is more difficult for me, over to try all the time to stay true with myself (and this is sometimes really exhausting), and that i feel like sometime kind of transformed by the atmosphere of my team. I really like my job but people with who i work are really not in the wave lenght. Specially one of colleague, seat close to me, who needs all the time attention and be in the center, complain all the time, and really just interest to be in the light alone. Sometime i deal with it, but it’s start to be more difficult to exist, to be me when i feel i have to do an effort every day when i come at work.

    Thank you for this video, this is make me realize that i really change this situation even i d’ont know really how, but i want to stay being myself for sure now!

    A lot of sincere positive thoughts for all from France 😉

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Sophie, we’re so glad you left your first comment, and your English is great!!

      It sounds like you’re reflecting on some really important things about your current work atmosphere, and the people that you work with, and we’re thrilled this episode left you feeling more hopeful.

      I also thought you might enjoy these two episodes that touch on what you’re talking about.
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/02/dulling-your-drive/
      http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/01/friend-break-up/

      We absolutely hope you continue to stay true to who you are, and your valuable strengths — sensitivity and positivity.

  158. Rita Malhotra

    Hi Marie, Thanks once again for a wonderful tips as always. I enjoy watching your videos and have learned a lot from them.

  159. Sona Sanjeet Singh

    Yeah, I have been in this situation many a times. I ignore and keep moving towards my goal. Life has to be a true path, and I know, some who are not true to the purpose of life, they will stumble today or tomorrow! This thought gives me the strength and motivation to move forward. Thanks!

  160. Hi! Great episode! This really resonated with me and I agree wholeheartedly, do not change or suppress your strengths!! My gallup core strengths are positivity/empathy/adaptability, and my weakest points are strategy/analytics. Now for the punch -I work in Accounting/Finance. Do I sometimes feel like I might not be good smart/good enough for the job? Hell, yes!! Would I change? Hell, no!! 🙂 Because, in the end, I know it’s just my self-consciousness trying to play tricks on me. Although there is always room for improvement, I am good at what I do. Plus, my colleagues appreciate the fact that they can always come to my office for their daily shot of optimism and smiles… 😉 So let your core strengths shine!!

  161. Tezz

    I have to say this episode is spot on, Marie totally love everything you do and how intricately you connect feelings in such a clear way!

    Lately i have been really feeling way too nice to friends which mix with business. My natural traits are giving even more into friends that need my services, also being the nice and compassionate one with their needs. Its like i’m trying to be the cool friend who can mix friendship and business together but as a result i’m not valuing myself and putting my boundaries around.

    Then their is being the introvert at the social setting who doesn’t stand out enough selling myself. I was told last night that being to shy about myself isn’t going to get me new work in a networking style event. I think these points are worth working on improving but what if i prefer to draw people in rather than push out?

    I’m also sensitive and find it most certainly needs to be suppressed because it can interfere with ‘work’. But I also find that it helps me be more intuitive when connecting with people.

    Hard to strike a balance, because i’m craving strength in every sense of the way and really want to own all the above and still be a strong, witty as asoloprenuer.

  162. I ADORE your tweetable: the future belongs the kindhearted! Woohoooo!
    We are the ones to bring in the new wave of connected hearts and minds. Thank you Miss Marie~ RockIt Girl that you Are!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Woohoo, Susan!

  163. Thanks so much Marie!! Was literally having this conversation with a friend the other day. Such an important lessons for us as we move into this next stage of business this day and age. It’s the way of the world now… Things are changing in a good way! I used to find this as a hardship and issue living in Boston where it was cutthroat and I hated it! I wasn’t having it and I was done with narrow minded people thinking you had to be viewed as a tough nut to be taken seriously. I don’t play that way and I’m so proud of it! I love being nice but I also love being from my soul and what ever that means for me is what I’m gonna do but I love love knowing you support this way of thinking and being Marie 🙂 another reason why you make me feel on path with your wisdom! Thanks. P.S. I’m a proud B-schooler! Xo

  164. Agustina

    Thank you for this episode Marie, it really resonated with me. I remember having been able to speak with confidence at an academic round-table panel earlier this year. When we reconvened again a few months later for a second session, I was told by two attendees while we were having cocktails, that the way to demonstrate competence in the field (of Economics), is to “take-down” the presenter’s work, “Don’t even let them get past the second slide”, one said. “If you see someone jotting notes down as you’re speaking, it means that they’re writing down what they’ll say to destroy you”. It was said in jest, but their comments unnerved me. As a rookie and a woman in a male dominated field, I didn’t sit well with it. It wasn’t me, and certainly not what I expected as the “rules of the game” of my chosen vocation.

    Lo and behold, I had a miserable time at that second roundtable session. I wasn’t listening to what others were saying, but rehearsing what I was going to say, editing in my head to pre-empt criticism. When it came time to deliver my comments, I was a hot mess, my adrenaline spiked, my face turned bright red, and what I experienced was immense social anxiety in front of the same group of people I had confidently spoken in front of just a few months before.

    I remember leaving that conference feeling ashamed. I remember thinking that I just didn’t have “it”, the chutzpah, the confidence, to play with the big boys. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over this insecurity, but Marie’s video really resonated with me. It made me realize that even if these are the implicit rules of interaction among professionals in my field, I shouldn’t be ashamed of treating others, and wanting to be treated, in accordance to the golden rule—comment unto others as you’d like others to comment unto you.

    The upcoming conference is in two months. We’ll see what happens.

  165. I felt like this episode was talking DIRECTLY to me! My top Strengths Finder results are “empathy and positivity”. I firmly believe this is what makes me fantastic in customer service. I’m bubbly, friendly, always looking at the bright side and standing in other people’s shoes to understand their perspective. Recently, 7 months into my new job, an engineer shared feedback with me that when I started at the company, with my “effervescent personality” he didn’t see any value of having me there. He didn’t know what my purpose was besides a giant smile and positive attitude. He said that over the past several months, the more he hears my presentations and discussions as well as seeing how I pour my passion into enhancing the customer experience, he realized that “I have something going on” that is more than he expected. I took this as, “He thought I was a super ditz at first then realized there is a brain in my head.” I laughed and thanked him but wow…I wondered how many other people saw me this way. It’s the typical cover for people who are friendly and bubbly–people assume there’s nothing in their noggins! I hope I taught this fella at my work a grand lesson in “can’t judge a book by it’s cover”!

    I have been told over the years to cut back on quality for customers to get through a queue, to hold back the sunshine in my replies, to be more level headed and well, I just can’t turn it off. As Marie said, all flowers thrive in their own environments, I know I must work in a place where I can do this. It’s a struggle but my core beliefs are strong and I’ll keep trying 🙂

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Wow, that’s so insightful, Jenny and really, the whole experience says just as much about him as it does about you. Glad he learned something from you, and we hope you feel encouraged by this episode to only be MORE of yourself.

      XO

  166. Amy

    Great words Marie! I am an encourager at heart and an overall positive person. But as a woman … it is sometimes dismissed or I feel like men are thinking “Bless your heart” I have learned myself that there is always a time and place and with time have proven that these are valuable assets to our company. You are a rock star and I love your Marie TV every week. My partner is currently enrolled in your B school and she is loving every minutes! Thank you, thank you for your contributions to our lives.

  167. Bonnie Clark

    Thank you Maria. Your message was so timely for me! I have just been thinking that because I am so positive, bubbly and kind some people might view me as fake. I love being positive and it just bubbles out. Kindness is definitely part my DNA. Thank you again for the reminder to be true to the person that I am. I love being around positive, happy, kind people. Why would I ever think I should change.
    You Are The Best!!

  168. CW

    This is a good one, and it hit home for me today! I’ve been feeling taken advantage of in business (investing time/ energy/ money into prospects before they sign a contract), and I’ve been feeling self-judgmental about it. Like, how do I stop having people take advantage of my time? It’s tough because my community of friends are pretty cynical, and they would NEVER do like 90% of what I do as a small business owner. One of the many reasons is because they are guarded about people taking advantage of them. So, I feel like a total idiot for even trying (“of course you’d get screwed, you idiot.”) It’s good to remember that being nice and giving is who I am, and yes, being taken advantage of happens sometimes. But you can’t create anything unique and worthwhile in this world if you aren’t willing to take a risk and trust people from time to time.

  169. Eejee

    Oh boy!
    It’s been my story of the last 10 years. Let me talk in metaphors because it still is raw a bit. I literally passed from a big huge aquarium (where I was networked and appreciated for who I was back then, that felt tight though because I wanted to grow more… ) to what was presented as a bigger aquarium. I say presented, and still told as bigger… And no doubt it could be… Only I fell in a school( the fish one, but it also teach) where every single strength I had back then had been received as a weaknesses.
    Read me well, the strength are still there. You can’t uproot them even if they are seen as weed and encouraged to be plucked out… They come back with a vengeance!
    The only difference in experience here is whom I expressed it with, not how or what it is.
    Proof? My husband still saw those and asked me to marry him based on recognizing the type of plant they were and knowing their virtues.
    That’s an uphill battle, though, to try to bring them back after systematic cutting. I underestimated what being in the wrong (not nurturing) environment for too long can do.
    It has positive sides , but having to flower under a full concrete slab sidewalk covering the bloom makes a load of hesitation in just opening up. I’ve rewritten that reply 16 times so far. I used to never been scared of saying what I thought or felt. Now it’s agonizing to just type a tweet about facts or put comments on my Instagram or write a description for a product on Etsy. Even though I have been published and received awards numerous time prior to come here for my writing… Having been journalist… Falling amongst sharks makes an ad calling for ” good communication skill ” put me in tears each time and I am likely not to apply. I’m scared of the power of ” I don’t understand a word you wrote” that took away so much that far.
    10 years in the wrong crowd where your strengths are viewed as weakness is also going to cause blood circulation problem, heart damages , gi track damage… In some extreme you may even seizure… And I am not reading the possibility here. It’s not only emotional or psychological impact. As I tried to make sense why I passed from receiving feedback that almost depicted me like a highly functional benefactor turned (for the same actions ) to reaction in front of Frankenstein ( a monster people have to quarantine… Or burn at the stake) I thought staying myself and time they get to know me will solved the riddle. That I just had to tone me down a bit the time I understand what is “wrong” with me. It didn’t.
    The more I tried to figure out what could appease the witch hunt, the more it twisted and at some abysmal point, it was even my fault is some package was not delivered on time by Purolator because it had snowed overnight. That’s when I realized it was just impossible. I mean, to “fix what was wrong with me” according to those people feedback . Consider the source and ignore accordingly!
    When even ordering ” two eggs turn-over hard” here brings stress because I never know if I will ever have eggs to start with. And if I say somethings about it, the waitress is excused because I can’t be understood when I speak. So you end up not even trying to order coffee at big md … Making your own at home. So if I can’t even have my breakfast like I want it, how come I can call God and order a snowstorm to make sure the planes stay grounded and the package, although sent on time, does not make it? It’s not even Purolator s fault.
    That should have been a wake up calls right then. But no, you still want to fit in. So you accept the blame. Even though you have a big ; it’s not my fault! It’s natural, I have no control on nature and this should not be used as a prove I can’t do my job!
    You take it. Yep, 20/20 vision when you look back, you’re: how could I fall for that?
    It made me think on how ridiculous it became. It made me question the feedback givers at that point. And when I was told how I was expected to behave at funeral and the fact I teared up in front of everyone was used as an example of my lack of emotional control , into building further harm and control: the puck stop there. I was not to let those people dictate how I behave at a loved one funeral… No tear? Who the f word are those people using your reaction to losing someone you love to say you are not emotionally fit?

    But here is where my experience should help us everyone: it should not have to go to that extreme before you click in that your efforts to fit in will never be rewarded by overhauling yourself to cater “their fears”.
    It starts by easy innocent things like : you should either cut your hair or wear them attached. Easy to do… No big consequences… To bigger and more impactful request … That you end up saying yes too because it will feel rewarding or life threatening if you don’t say yes. You can say no, at anytime of course… You’re just led to believe if you say no, you’re unwilling to become a better person, to change what is ” wrong” with you.
    When what’s wrong with you had never been wrong in many contexts for many years with many people before: why choose to believe the new group tell you it’s so wrong, most likely people before were just politely avoiding to curb that before, and now it’s so big, maybe you’re never going to fit in with us. STOP, reconsider if whatever you’re going to get out of it by cutting off or putting the lid of somethings you consider a strength up to now ( my imagination for example) is really promoting growth, worth it for a time. If the threat of the consequences of saying no are really as big as you’re told they are.
    Swimming with the wrong fishes, even in a bigger aquarium, makes you lack of oxygen and you end up belly up… Or you sank to the bottom. That doesn’t affect ANY of them. It only lost YOU.
    And yes it can turn you depressed, like Mary said.
    Living in a world where you are said to have no uses or no values unless you act against what is “you” and accepting it? It is vowed to be the costliest adventure you ever undertaken. It’s not the Everest ascend. It’s exploring the Mariana Trench. If you’re not devoured, you still live under extreme pressure and oxygen deprivation. Do you really want to pick up that fight on top of everything else you have? If yes, well you must find your joy and satisfaction out of somethings else that feeling love. If it’s your mission, go ahead!
    I personally unbuckled the lead vest and in the process to surface. 10 years was enough. And thankfully I still got old friends, family and my husband that know it’s just a matter of time and tender care… My so-called weed will blossom back and the garden will be plentiful again!

  170. Loved this video! Before I went full-time freelance, I realized I conformed my business and writing style to what others thought was “right.” I realized that I’m the #1 authority on how I want to present myself to the world. I’ve felt better about my work ever since!

  171. K.G.

    It’s interesting how people judge and evaluate others without really knowing how they are. I am, as you, a loving, caring and fun person, however, I am also very present to my business and intentional about the integrity of it’s path. I believe all of those elements, as well as knowing the the core of the business are essential in building a strong business. I call it business as “Team” working in sinc towards the same result for the benefit of all involved, because, no matter what level you are, you all benefit from the business’s success. In my past experiences, I know that some people had mistakenly assumed, being loving, caring and fun made me naive and a possible target for them, however, they found out they had just been given kindness, a long rope and now reached the reality of who I really am, they realized kind people are not stupid people, they’re a contribution.

  172. Azita K.

    I really like your answer and allegory Marie, thank you:-) I would like to add one thing that has struck me, though (this type of problem is familiar to many of us with a heart-centered personality): People have a tendency to think that if you have a sunny, warm and optimistic personality, you also lack discernment, which CAN be a liability in business! Of course this assumption is often wrong, and comes from a world-view that says that its the stern pessimists of the world that are the ones who have the objective/correct outlook on things, which of course is a total misrepresentation! This way of seeing things are changing, thank God (as you pointed out Marie), so hopefully these types of issues won’t be around for so very much longer:-D

  173. This absolutely resonates with me! I’ve spent many years in various advocacy circles. While there is sometimes a justified frustration, the constant bitterness, negativity and hate didn’t sit with my own approach. I too felt like an “imposter” spreading positivity and optimism… but not any more! Everything I do now is based around owning my positive values in an honest and transparent way.

  174. Kathleen

    What stood out for me in this video was the idea that you could wither in your workplace. I feel like that’s been happening to me and I believe it’s because everyone I work with is just working in their own quiet office and not really relating to each other. It’s a small law firm and mostly all men and everybody’s busy. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman but I just feel like being connected at work and feeling part of the team is what energizes me. With that lacking I do feel drained and burned out. I’m close to retirement age but I feel like it would be better if I could work a few more years and I think I would enjoy that if I could find the right environment.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Kathleen, we’re so happy this video struck a chord and it sounds like you’re asking yourself some really great questions. Your vision of working somewhere else that feels like a better fit that brings more joy could be something to listen to and follow.

      We did a great episode on something Marie calls “the 10-year test” that I think you might love applying to this situation, so I’ll put that episode link below for you. Hope it helps give you some more food for thought!

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/02/go-for-dreams/

  175. Dear Marie!
    Thank you so much for this video, I just needed it today! I have experienced this in my work life (now I have my own business, but before…). Even working with women. Many people say working with men is like that, but women co-workers have told me I was “too happy”. Anyway… I have tried to be a b…otch… LOL. But I have to say: it HURT ME! I am not capable of being rude and mean, especially to co-workers! I just don’t see a working relationship being so intimate that I should lash out on people, or not say “hello”, “good morning”, simple courtesy stuff. I can be mean to my husband if I am really stressed out but that’s about it. I have a short fuse, BUT a BIG HEART that thinks of other people CONSTANTLY. Guess who is thinking of me?? Not many! SO, I have tried to be more selfish, less funny, quieter… But it sounded just fake and “contained”. I am 49 years old so here is what I do now: I surround myself with people who LOVE HONESTY. So they accept my honesty, kindness and sense of humour. Yes, there is a bad joke here and there… but if they know me, they understand I love them and want the best for them and they can count on me for ANYTHING – so they don’t care about my bad jokes, hahaha! CONGRATULATIONS on Super Soul Sunday!!! I can’t wait to watch it!!! Cheers, Claudine

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Claudine! We can’t wait for you to check out Marie’s Super Soul video when it’s live, and of course we’re so happy that this week’s MarieTV really resonated with you! 😀

  176. Liz

    I love this video. I spent 10 years in the cut throat entertainment industry. As much as I truly enjoyed being in the thick of things in Hollywood (and generally did pretty well), my boss constantly told me I needed to be more of a bitch (seriously, I got pep talks about it. He’d also lecture me on the benefits of being passive-aggressive. -____-). I’m pretty goofy by nature and love to laugh and play. While I know (dammit, I KNOW) he enjoyed these traits around the office, he also thought they were completely unfashionable and unsophisticated. Trying to be aggressive exhausts me, so I always attempted to let his remarks go in one ear and out the other. But a decade of comments like that can wear on you. I’m currently working on stretching my creativity and giving myself the freedom I’ve been craving. And it feels So. Friggin. Great. But it’s always nice to hear someone influential reiterate all this too. Thank you thank you!

  177. Thanks for this topic. I sometimes feel like such an oddity because I seem to be the only one mist times who feel sorry for or willing to go that extra mile and smiling too. “Really?”
    “What’d you doing that for?”
    “Why are u talking to THAT person for?”
    “Why u helping him or her”
    Usual questions I get often along with the “are you for real GLARE!”

    It makes me wonder if I have too much heart or I should hold back in order to step up, because being sidestepped, overlooked and shoved one side sometimes come with appearing too Soft and kind.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Deon, I so hear you there and I know you’re not alone. It’s wonderful that you take the time to be kind to others — the world needs more of that.

      As Marie shared in this episode, we firmly believe that it’s possible to be kind, compassionate, and nice without being overlooked or shoved aside. One thing that’s been really helpful to me in this regard is this great episode we did with Bob Burg: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/11/win-people-over/

      He shares some really amazing tips about how to be influential and persuasive, but still kind. That episode was game-changing for me, so I thought you might enjoy it too!

  178. I loved this episode. Thank you, Marie! People like you and Leonie Dawson are such perfect example of your message

  179. Thank you Marie and Team for this episode and many great others. It’s been kind of funny how every week the topic is exactly my challenge or obstacle of that week. So it’s time for me to join the conversation.
    I’m from Amsterdam (so excuse my English) and I recently moved to Portugal by myself to pursue my dream as a yoga teacher. As I was super excited to be in this beautiful country after spending my whole life dreaming about it, at a certain point I noticed people (one so-called friend and employers) were underestimating my intelligence (again!) and taking advantage because of my happiness, openness and kindness. Especially annoying in salary negotiations. People also seem to think that everything comes easy for me and that I have no struggles at all. Because I’m a yoga teacher, right?!
    Feeling a bit disappointed and treated unfairly, for a short period, I closed myself off completely as a bit of an experiment. I wanted to know how people are responding to me when I’m all severe, not responding to personal questions and leave my bubbly-self at home. It actually gave me a chance to sit back and observe (and get really grumpy myself). I realized that most of these people surrounding me were really very unhappy people. I felt compassion. But the whole atmosphere at work and with this friend became even worse and unnatural to me. So this was no option. I refuse to be any less or different than I am.
    So I reminded myself of my belief that we can only lead/teach by example. What good will it do to anyone if I tone myself down to accommodate somebody else’s negative mood and/or lifestyle? I’m committed to stay in my own vibe without feeling guilty about it even if others seem to have a problem with it, ridicule it, or view me as a happy fool  Kindness is not a weakness.
    I do however put some boundaries now. Especially when it comes to my business ideas, I’m a bit more careful not to share everything because of my enthusiasm. And I started taking myself and my skills a bit more seriously.
    So what happened yesterday? A colleague and friend, who was grumpy all morning (and I was surprised how well I let her be her and me be me), said to me during lunch: “I’m so happy to have met you at this job. At least I can be myself with you even when I’m in a bad mood. I don’t need to pretend. You’re the reason I like to go to this office.” Good to hear. Until I have my yoga classes up and running, I’ll enjoy teaching yoga off the mat in the office 

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      What a lovely comment, Lara. I particularly love what you shared about boundaries. It’s important to be ourselves, but also to be clear on what we’re okay sharing and when.

      Such beautiful feedback from your co-worker too — it sounds like you’re making a powerful impact! 🙂

  180. Geo De Anda

    I love your videos and what you share in them…thank you!

  181. Deon

    I am in partnership with several business men. As the only female this has been a struggle since I bring a feminine perspective and communicate more emotionally. I am concerned with and focus on things that are low on the others priorities though I can see how it is harming the business. The only partner who shared these values sold out and since then I have felt outnumbered, undervalued, and overwhelmed. Long story short, I am now selling out because I am “wilting” due to these differences. It is exciting to move on, this video is so true and yet another validation that I am making the right move for me. Thanks for the synchronicity Marie!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Wishing you tremendous success on your next adventure, Deon! It definitely sounds like you’re making the best choice for you and your heart. Keep us posted!

  182. I Love what you said here: “The future of business is about being more connected to your humanity, not less.” I do believe that the more we express the truth of who we are, the more we will raise the consciousness of this planet… and experience more joy and peace at the same time. Thanks Marie, and thanks for being an uplifting force in this world.

  183. Maria

    Great conversation on who we are and what we can be just by staying true to ourselves.

  184. Haylee

    Marie, your show is truly a miracle and a God-send for me. God reaches me the best through other people, and he surely uses your wisdom to help me navigate in life!

    I am dealing with this EXACT issue right now, and your message is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I finally nailed a great job as a veterinary assistant. I help keep families and pets together, learn amazing medical skills, and educate clients about preventative care. While the job itself is great, the work environment is overwhelmingly negative, sarcastic, and overall toxic. This contrasts greatly to my extreme positivity, energy, compassion, lovingness, tenderness, and fun-loving personality. I view each of these traits as highly desirable, however, my coworkers beg to differ. I have been told that I am too happy, that I love too many things, that I am too nice, and that I need to learn how to be more sarcastic and more “hard.” Here’s my response: LOL NOPE (*insert smiley face here*).

    Time to set some boundaries and high-tail it out of there! As you exquisitely explained, it is vital that I place myself in the right ecosystem for my unique set of attributes. I deserve a condition that encourages me to blossom! And you’re absolutely right… there is no prize for suffering!

    Thank YOU so much for reaffirming to me that I am an ASSET to the world. I can honestly say that your words of wisdom are life saving. Keep up your incredible work and infectious positivity! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Thank you for this beautiful comment, Haylee! You’re so thoughtful.

      By the way, I can feel your positivity and enthusiasm through your words – don’t ever change, no matter who tells you that you’re “too happy” (which is a truly nutty thing to say to someone!).

  185. prem

    Being suppressed what you are not doing well is depressing, however I always try to figure out what more is expected out of me. I feel qualities and requirements can be measured better while you have few people to judge you for a more specific job profile. Other wise, we may end up spending more time and effort in help those understand all about the proposal to get started. so as you represent makes your job easy, be it a brand by self or some one else.

  186. Elissar Hussin

    I was living in a refugee camp for 4 months and I had a kind of friend full of negative and darkness, I was aware that the place we were in wasn’t the best place in the world, but things will definitely change and it did. I spent quite good time trying to change that black and negative view she had and I put loads of effort but in vein, so I decided at some stage to try to stop that because I couldn’t bare it, but I found myself affected by her negativity, additionally she was even criticizing my positive view of life to the extent she insulted me for more than one time, at the end I cut her off, and guess what life shine I moved out of the camp, and started meeting new people who are really amazing, so as Marie said ignore + surround yourself with amazing people and would add cut off the negative people t keep your mental health 🙂

  187. I needed this video a year ago! I run a company and I felt so confused for a while about how to “Be.” People liked the “Girl Boss” tough CEO persona that I play sometimes, but being nice, sweet and sometimes even vulnerable always seemed to cause problems. I felt like I was doing myself wrong. Things have since gotten better, and now I know that I need to (and am totally free to be) all the things that I am. But it was definitely an identity struggle for me for a while.

  188. Maya S.

    Thank you for this video! I especially loved the truth about there being no prize for suffering. This is something I am now having a revelation about and it was great to hear it put in these words. I so appreciate it! 🙂

    I have been seen as weak for being nice and level-headed at work. Certain people seem to disrespect me and treat me like I was not as smart and competent as I really am simply because I am nice, calm, and collected, and not stressed out and crazy aggressive like they are. This taught me that it will benefit me to not be afraid to allow myself to be more firm and confident *in addition* to being nice and calm. I now realize that balance is the key and that I can be soft but also sassy when it calls for it and not apologize for it or sacrifice my assertiveness and confidence for the comfort of people who seem to find it so easy to disrespect me if they think they can. The advice about not staying around or bending and bowing to people who don’t appreciate your unique and beautiful strengths is so spot on. Thank you again!

  189. Panto

    Yeah, been there. My strengths include creativity, sticktoitiveness, and taking a bird’s eye view of situations. And I’ve had managers in the past who sneered and viewed that as bad bad bad, all because they knew I could do their job 10 times better than them. My solution? Time to start my own business. Best of luck to the writer, hope she does well.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Panto! Because those are truly GREAT strengths to have. 🙂

  190. Hi Marie, I am a morning person! I am perky and happy in the a.m. And I drive everyone so nuts 🙂 actually I do try to tone it down when necessary, but I also believe in spreading a little sunshine. Who can argue with that?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Right on, Cari! Keep on spreading that sunshine 🙂

  191. This was very helpful even though I am not in the business world. I am not sure this applies to the question but I once dyed my hair brown because I thought as a blonde I would not be taken seriously. That may sound superficial, but I can look back on that experience and think wow, that was really dumb of me. I love being a blonde. My core strength is my creative mind, I suppose. I am not sure where I belong in the world but I am currently a caregiver.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Esther, I don’t think you’re alone! Changing your hair color to be taken more seriously is far from superficial – I think it’s an indication of what society says is a “serious” person vs. someone who isn’t.

      I have no doubt that your creative mind is your strength, and your hair color has no bearing on the beautiful and amazing impact you can have on the world!

  192. Jen

    Thanks for the episode TEAM Marie. This really resonated with me. I am deeply sensitive and super positive as well. I remember an old acquaintance telling me as an insult that I sounded like I was a self help motivational speaker. Now, as a yoga teacher, grief advocate, those skills really help me. Back then I was so ashamed. I felt like a lamo cheeseball. I still have those thoughts occasionally, but thanks to vids like this and my new community, I’m actually proud of my enthusiasm and sensitivity.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Oh jeez, it’s just the WORST when people try to make wonderful things into an insult. You’re definitely not a lamo cheeseball at all, Jen, and it’s so awesome that you’re now proud of your enthusiasm and sensitivity. The world needs you exactly as you are! 🙂

  193. That happened to me! Feeling that I had to be serious and dress like a business woman to be taking serious, when in reality I am in the creative business because I like to explore, I like uniqueness, different styles, color (!!!) and I like how free it makes me feel. I love that this industry is open, constantly morphing, and also relaxed (in terms of dressing code for example, no suits necessary). I saw how other creatives where being themselves, more than I was being myself and have been inspired by that.

  194. This one is a real tough one for me. I’ve been hiding my strengths, probably forever. I signed up for B School last March and am in a haphazard way moving through it at the pace of a turtle. I made progress in placing myself first. It’s been awhile since I’ve watched Marie TV’s and this one helped me realize that progress as I don’t feel like some slug under a rock looking out at the sunshine. I feel like I am worth the good information you are sharing and it’s going to take a bit more concentrated effort to get things to move forward the way my soul is pressing me to do. Hiding my strengths hasn’t turned out so hot. Thanks for the video and saying the things that people need to hear: Business needs kindness, enthusiasm, and optimism.

  195. Renee Mackenzie

    Hi Marie,

    I really loved this episode! What a relief to hear someone affirm that the future of business is all about embracing our humanity. I personally thank you for confirming the need to be in a positive environment. Having worked in many different environments I know what an immediate physical, emotional and spiritual difference this makes and how important it is to honour my own needs. Thank you.

  196. I’m binge watching today and as usual every topic is hitting me at my core and helping me see the next path. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for what you share and the messages you deliver! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    My biggest take away from this was… “There is no prize for suffering” & “Put yourself in the right ecosystem”. Priceless. I have to make some art based on this now. Just killer messages.

  197. Katy

    I am good at training others and troubleshooting. When the company I worked for experienced employee transition, these skills were vital in helping make sure others in my team got trained and didn’t miss important tasks, even though I was not a supervisor / manager (the supervisor had also just come back into the team, off mat leave, and needed training as well). Managers in the company expressed appreciation for my initiative.
    When it was evident that the ‘training phase’ was finished, I backed off. However, my coworkers and other still saw me in the trainer light, and if they asked a question and I would launch into ‘if I get hit by a bus, this is what you need to know.’ Well, if you ask a question, I will make sure you have all you need to succeed! That is my strength. I try to help others be fully equipped to be independent.
    One year after the company transition, attitudes towards me shifted. Instead of ‘helpful’ or ‘champion for your success’ or ‘transparent information sharer,’ I started to be perceived as ‘controlling’ and team dynamics started to shift from sharing and learning from each other to individuals hoarding information and tasks. And somehow, the boss was convinced that I was the one perpetrating that culture. It was the exact opposite of the example I had lived by.
    Turned out that a coworker had been spreading that negative view of me over time, and it reached a point where when I asked the boss for my annual review, the boss told me it was the prevailing view about me and my work. He also told me some other things about the quality of my work which I had also heard this negative coworker say… It felt like the boss had been manipulated, and I felt sick about it all.
    I started to look for other work. Then, two weeks later, a project I had initiated and was going ahead with was taken away from me; in a team meeting, the boss said he was giving it to the negative coworker, because I was ‘slow’ and had been ‘hoarding information’ about the project (they just hadn’t bothered to read my status emails and the spreadsheet of task breakdown / timeline I had put up on our shared project folder :-E).
    I decided that the tide had turned too far against me, and I was feeling pretty deep in the dumps about my ‘review,’ and I felt it was now a point of ‘damned if I do, damned if I don’t.’ I put my resignation in that day.
    I hear what Maria is saying about ‘ignore people who say your core strength is a weakness;’ I would love to hear more about what ‘ignoring’ looks like.
    I would also like to know, is it true, that a point is reached when you are ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t?’ I suppose it depends on what one is able to cope with.

  198. Marie, thanks so much!
    This video was on my mind today as I had to defend my brand & newest products to a collaborator (of all people)! My positive attitude, & relaxed style are always seen by others as being weak or indecisive; quite the contrary.
    I heard your voice, I defended my products, & told this collaborator, “hey it’s all good if you wish to go in another direction, but this is my brand that I’m building; so I’m good w parting ways.”
    It was one of the finest written email I’ve sent in quite some time and it has a great deal to do with the confidence you & the team have assisted me to gain!
    Thanks! ?

  199. I love this, thank you! <3

  200. Great advice Marie and so true. It does seem that as women we have had a habit of suppressing our best qualities. This was a good reminder for me to live authentically.

  201. That’s me me me all over. It took me YEARS to learn to use it to my advantage. What can I say.. I’m a slow learner!

  202. Abi

    Hello Marie such an awesome video thanks. I’m often tempted to suppress my trait in my college. It’s like the people here are the most talented and I’m the one less capable. I tend to speak a lot I mean a lot and sometimes I blurt out and I’m spontaneous . I’m often speak what in my mind and how silly are childish it may be, I never cared and the faculty here only seeing my talking thinks me as a incapable of doing things. Everyone is capable of doing something right. And I have a weird accent. My trait I wanted to suppress is I don’t take things too serious and when I do I won’t show it to others. This makes them to view me as irresponsible one. Even my classmates never take my opinion serious, not even listening it completely. But in my sense, I’ve never hurt anyone. In spite I’ve got hurt many times.
    Even my family thinks of me like this. But I this is who I’m, speaking freely, doing the things I like how silly it may be. And I’m clumsy. I don’t want to change but living in a society where there is rules for walking, I feel unfit.

  203. Jennifer

    Tried changing me and ended up right where you said I would. Won’t do that again!

  204. Breana

    I didn’t realize what an incredible impact environment can have on our ability to thrive until this past year. I was questioning whether or not I should continue my new-found career as a web developer after being completely miserable and discriminated against at a tech startup. I didn’t fit the profile and my strengths were many times viewed as weaknesses so I started to question my abilities. I decided I desperately needed change and switched to a global corporation to give it one last shot. I could not believe what a huge difference environment could make on my confidence, passion and success. All of my perceived weaknesses at the startup are actually strengths in my new environment. Now I’m mentoring other developers and moving up in the company rather quickly. 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s so awesome, Breana! What a huge difference environment can make, and we’re thrilled that you’ve found something that’s such a great fit for you 🙂

  205. Paulina

    Hi Marie!
    I loved this video. My current boss is always telling me that I have to learn to be more “bitchy” (literally she says this) and I´m NOT that type of person. Listening to my boss made me feel like I was inadequate and not tough enough for the job. Your video today helped me see that this isn´t true and that I´m better of being my old kind self. Thank you for reminding me to stay true to myself and to who I am.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yay! I’m so glad Marie’s wisdom is helpful. Your kindness is absolutely an asset and I’m so glad you’re staying true to yourself and the strengths you have to share with the world. 🙂

    • Amen, Paulina! So glad you are being true to yourself. The world is a better place for it! 🙂

  206. I’ve got a doozie of an example of this- with a little bit of a twist.

    When I first started studying acupuncture 13 years ago, part of my requirement was to work in a student clinic. From day one, I felt genuine care for each of my clients (I’ve never liked the word “patient”). I would laugh with them, listen to their stories and ask about the things that were important to them. I tried to make their hard treatment table as cozy as possible, and offered them my full attention and support (like I would want from my practitioner).

    There was one supervisor who despite hearing multiple positive reviews, had a serious problem with my behavior. He perceived my care and kindness as having “boundary issues,” and began telling my other supervisors to be watchful of my inappropriate behavior.

    Rather than suppressing this kindness and care, I decided to keep being myself wholeheartedly (despite having fear that this could jeopardize my academic standing). And I’m so glad I did. Not only did I graduate despite my “problematic” kindness, but I went on to create a thriving practice with the most amazing clients I could hope for. One that made me WANT to get up and go to work every morning.

    Much like Marie expressed, I believe kindness is my superpower not an affliction. I also believe it can be incredibly healing to give and receive kindness- no matter what industry we work in. So to echo Marie’s testament, and if you’re heart is open enough to feel kindness for others, more power to you! Go! Be kind! Enjoy! You may be making more of an impact than you know.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      What an incredible story and example, Sharon. Thank you so much for sharing! Such a beautiful example of what’s possible when you honor your kindness and authenticity <3

  207. I love this video everytime I watch it. I’ve always felt that my kindness is a weakness and something that would hold me back in business and in life, as some people tend to abuse it. But it really is a strength and a beautiful one at that. It’s why I’m drawn to people like Marie – who have heart centred businesses and want to inspire and help other people.

  208. Lucie

    Dear Marie,

    Thank you for your message. This is so true. My mentor used to encourage me, sometimes, he used to tell me not to be too optimistic. Which on one hand, I can understand, on the other, it takes the gumption one needs to go for it, without that one doesn’t the necessary energy and the the spark which is needed to unleash the potential.
    Yes, there are people who see kindness as a weakness. The only way to deal with it is to show the boundaries and to be firm. Some things can seem wise, while we are may be not ready for them yet. As you said in another video, we need to get certain maturity about them, about us and this world.
    You are a light, Marie.
    Wish you a lovely day!

  209. Jen

    Thank you so much, Marie, for addressing this topic! It is so refreshing to hear someone say that positivity and kindness are welcome in the workplace. In graduate school school my teachers and classmates were constantly putting me down for being kind and open-minded. They completely mistook my positivity for lack of discernment and naiveté. I was actually one of the more opinionated and critical people there, but since I knew we were all headed for tough careers in an unforgiving and highly collaborative business (theatre) I always felt it was smarter and more useful to build each other up with respect, encouragement and kindness. Cutting people down, verbal abuse, bullying and rampant negativity are the reasons I’ve finally decided to change careers. I totally agree that positivity and connectedness are the ways of future and I’m now headed in the direction of like-minded people. Thanks again!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      So glad this episode resonated with you, Jen! And we agree with you on all of that – kindness is always better 🙂

  210. DNN

    Kindness is always viewed as a weakness when it comes to family members trying to do and say stuff to make themselves feel superior to you and turn other family members against you.

  211. NES

    Marie, thank you so much. This came just in time. I work in a male-dominated legal field and I am very fed up with it. They definitely see kindness as a weakness and I just can’t be myself. I don’t know what to do. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today and now I find out it’s not for me. Your advice came as great support! My question however is – how then do I find my right ecosystem? Please do help me… thank you.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi NES, thank you so much for stopping by and we’re so glad to hear this episode was timely for you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in a place that isn’t the right fit and you’re not sure what to do next. We’ve done a few wonderful episodes that talk about finding your passion, purpose, and clarity, so definitely do check out these episodes for some of our best tips: http://www.marieforleo.com/category/find-clarity-passion-and-purpose/

      We’re sending all our best wishes, and hope that you find something that’s a better fit for you soon!

    • maria

      wao i feel the same

  212. maria

    I´m a buisness women with all the kindness personalitie your talking about. I´m having trouble cause my contactors are men and they are just thinking they can pas over and just decide not to pay to me what i ask for.
    They confused my kindness with weakness and they are stepping on my selfsteam. nad not giving value to my work.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Maria, thank you so much for stopping by and watching this episode. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been having trouble with the contractors you’re working for, and I hope this episode helps provide you with a few helpful tips.

      I also thought I might pass along another great episode about how to deal with problem clients just in case this one has a few more ideas for you: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/02/customer-problems-getting-paid/

  213. You’re always a bright light in my weeks as well Marie! Thank you so much for sharing what you do. You always help.
    In the past I’ve been scared, etc. soo much before having been in rooms with people who have the courage, etc. to make that mark on the world. I honestly didn’t know how shy,giving, etc. I was! Like you said about yourself, I was just being ME. I’m still a unsure as to how to make my dreams a reality. Often, I feel as if my giving has ruined any chance of my being taken seriously. I love what you’ve said though, and it’s made me rethink that.
    Thanks.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Angela, thank you so much for your note, and it means the world to know that this episode has helped you rethink things. We firmly believe that it’s possible to be kind and still taken seriously.

      When you mentioned giving, it made me think of another MarieTV episode we’ve done about that too, so I thought I might pass that one along for a few other tips: http://www.marieforleo.com/2016/04/generous-not-doormat/

      I hope you enjoy that episode too, and we’re so honored to have you tuning in!

  214. Belle

    Lately I’ve been putting on an unhappy front when it comes to talking about relationships because I feel as though if I act happy about talking about them I’ll be perceived as too gullible or naiive, and I don’t know how to stop doing that. I don’t want to appear way too happy, otherwise I feel as though I won’t seem like I’m being smart about things. I guess I need to learn a way that is natural and that I feel comfortable about

  215. vj

    Hi,
    I see your shows and this gives me a lot of confidence.
    But i need some guidance in my student life, i come up with some good ideas but most of the time i tend to loose focus and some times its really hectic that i do not know which way to proceed. When i consult with my professors, some say it’s good and i need to decided how i should go ahead and others donot respond.

    I am seriously stuck and now i loose the confidence on my self even to a point where what i think is really correct or wrong and all i need to know is how to keep my self motivated to achieve the success inspite of not having any help.

    Thank you, Have a great day.

  216. I just realised that I used to hide my feelings thinking that people would belive I am weak.

  217. Leanne Halyburton

    Thank you for all the free coaching you provide, it is genuinely and sincerely appreciated. I am an intuitive and personal empowerment consultant, and have been self – employed for 23 years, with over 30,000 consultations under my belt. HOWEVER, I am unhappy and unfulfilled in my work, and not earning the income I desire. I have a huge number of great testimonials on my website, but have also been dragged over the coals on the internet, periodically, by people who want to be validated in their destructive and dysfunctional behaviour. And I am aware of the prejudice that genuine intuitive consultancy faces (it is lumped in with ‘fortune telling’), especially by those who say they are ‘scientifically’ minded. I am incredibly well self – educated. I have had great responses from customers who have used their sessions productively. However, I am also aware that my line of work attracts those who are looking for a magic wand answer, and who under – value the service I provide….and reading this, I am aware that I am whining! I say that my business model can be summed up in this way: I use my intuitive abilities to help the customer to become more personally empowered. I have given literally hundreds of stage shows, have featured on radio, write blogs……but am still scraping around at the bottom of the barrel. At the age of 59, with a whole world of dreams and ambitions still bouncing around in my mind, with people depending upon me financially……motorbikes to ride, F1 races to attend……I have to be honest…..I don’t want to work with the “when is my life going to get better” brigade, and the “I only want your service when it costs next to nothing” gang. My fault, I know. My fear of the modern disapproval of intuitive intelligence has led me to feel apologetic and defensive about my skills and talents. I AM going to escape the clutches of those who want something for nothing, and who can genuinely appreciate the service they are receiving. I am an effective personal empowerment consultant….AND I have a natural intuitive ability, which has been proven over and over. If I have managed to still be self – employed, 23 years down the line, I must have some skill. But I am still struggling. Sorry for the rant, though no – one is probably going to read it…..at least it has been a therapeutic experience for me, whilst all my hot air disappears and neutralises within the great cosmos!

  218. Thank you Marie! This resonated 100% with me. So many people have tried to tell me I’m ‘so cute’ or ‘super sweet’ and that no one would ever take me seriously because my traits of being positive and kind. Recently a lot of people have tried using my youth against me saying I only think being a health coach and eating right and living my best life is a good idea because I am 28! I just ran a workshop and 2 middle aged women who attended tried to tell me that! No idea how they got in my healthy living workshop then! 🙂 In my day job I am a secretary and it is defo not the environment for me to thrive in. Seeing your video reinforced that. Thank you <3

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m sorry to hear people are disregarding your gifts and talents as a health coach just because of your age. Some people don’t believe it’s possible to learn something from a person who’s younger than them, which means they’re missing out on a lot of life’s wisdom!
      Marie advocates serving your Ideal Customer through your business––that’s the person who you’re most enthusiastic about serving and the person who’s most excited about what you have to offer. If someone is so quick to disregard you, it’s possible they’re not meant to be your customer. But that means that someone else who really gets what you’re doing IS. 🙂

  219. Ha, I spent 22 years in a marriage where my core strengths were ALL labeled liabilities. Finally broke free of that crap and have NOT looked back. I am becoming more Me with every breath I take. Don’t let anybody tell you that what you are best at is worthless. You wouldn’t be that good at it if it didn’t have extreme value to the Universe! So do what you love to do most and do it the way it feels most authentic and best, because the Universe invested a LOT in getting you here with these “liabilities.”

  220. Well done I just googled is it weak to be kind very pleased with your answer keep being you!

  221. Oliver

    I suppressed things all the time I don’t know how not to.
    As it relates to the business environment I think more often than not I’m always suppressing my creative view of how something should be approached. I don’t have a particular thought in mind at this point in time.

    What I have learned is that if I have a creative thought l have to bring the goods, the supplies, the instructions and the vision associated with implementing the idea . Also If it’s unique or if it upstages people my experience at one organization is that they will smolder an idea.

  222. Oliver

    I take an alternative view to doing things and I must say its mostly out of a core ignorance of not understanding – how business and social networks play a role in how services and products are delivered. My takeaway from this is : To practice more of being me so that when I do introduce an idea or plan i increase the depth in which my approach reaches others. I am also resigned to trying to understand more profoundly why things may be produced or services may be rendered in a specific way. These two stances are meant to help give a product or service I am proposing the capacity to reach a broader audience and effect more constructive change.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s wonderful, Oliver! Being your true, authentic self is the best way to attract the right kind of people to you and get them on board with your ideas.

  223. Rebecca

    Hi! This post has really resonated with me. I’m a British 30 something who runs an online kindness project. By nature, I am chatty, friendly and generous – it’s who I am and have always been. In recent months I have coordinated care packages for the homeless, sent letters of positivity using the same approach as the secrets letters project.
    I do voluntary work and have helped lots of people going through times of crisis. I don’t do this to make friends; I do it because it’s the right thing to do. Sadly, those I have helped avoid me and I can only assume it is as a result of suspicion (In England being outgoing or friendly to strangers is unusual and viewed as ‘odd’ or flirting).
    I am now stuck in a position where I want to do what I believe is right and helpful but I don’t want to be labelled a freak.
    I am sure that if I looked like all the other school mums, I would be welcomed with open arms but I choose not to follow trends and look/dress how I feel comfortable.
    Apparently that is enough to be treated like someone who should be avoided at all costs.
    It almost makes me want to give up the kindness ethos as being good shouldn’t feel this bad, you know?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m really sorry to hear that, Rebecca. You sound absolutely lovely and those who can’t see your kind heart are missing out! We love your compassion and the way you’re making the world a better place.

      Although this doesn’t exactly answer your question, though I hope you’ll find this MarieTV episode on being successful without being a jerk: https://www.marieforleo.com/2016/03/success/ I bet this is something others are struggling with as well, so you’re also welcome to write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom and we’ll be happy to help you submit this question for consideration for a future Q&A Tuesday episode.

  224. GodIsGracious

    It’s not the kind people who need advice on how to be different than they are. It’s the people who take kindness as weakness who need to be advised on how to mend their evil ways toward kind people. As a Christian I know that my Heavenly Father has commanded me to be kind and treat others as I wish to be treated. He didn’t tell me to be half-hearted about it either.

    Kindness isn’t the issue. It’s the solution. Unkindness and treating people as if they’re beneath you and are worthless because they’re kind is. That’s the problem that must be address and eradicated from our society. Sadly, many people are more kind to animals than they are to other human beings.

  225. Rachel

    This situation is one in which I am currently finding myself. I have always been very optimistic, kind to those around me, & confident in who I am. It’s just who I am, but recently I have been struggling a lot with these characteristics of mine.
    In early May I finished my freshman year of college, & I am now working my first season as a wildland firefighter for the summer. I am the youngest person on the crew at age 19 with everybody else’s ages ranging between 21-50. I am also one of two females. It’s only been a week & a half, but I have been receiving comments from a few specific individuals indicating that they regard me as immature & as “not tough,” or weak. I want to make it very clear that this is only a few of the guys & that most of them are not like this, & overall I’m having an enjoyable experience. I have faced this very issue regarding my kindness/positivity at college too with a few guys, & I think this attitude is something I need to prepare to encounter for the rest of my life. However, it is having a particularly profound affect on me presently; in a work environment where I need to be physically & mentally on top of my game at all times, these perceptions of me are really throwing me off & making me upset. For a few days this week I have attempted to change my demeanor, but it just feels wrong & makes me very unhappy. I have felt unusually negative to the point where I was nearly dreading going to work, & I typically love working. I don’t think the fact that I actually am the youngest helps either; some of the guys jokingly say that I am twelve. But it really pisses me off because I don’t know how to show them that I am mature & that it is simply my nature to be kind & positive-minded. I should think that the fact that I am such a young woman desiring to enter a male-dominated field which is both physically & mentally demanding would be enough to suggest to anybody that I am tough, but I suppose that isn’t so with some people…
    I just don’t know what to do at this point. I want their perceptions of me to change because I’m trying to learn, & they just make me feel like I’m incompetent or like I don’t belong when I know fully well what I’m capable of. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I have to stay true to myself or else I will be miserable.
    This video helped a lot to encourage me to continue to be who I am & do my thing regardless of what anybody says, but being subordinate to most everybody doesn’t lend me the leverage to prove myself. I almost feel helpless, like no matter how well I do or how strong I prove to be, I will always be subject to their limiting perceptions of me. I think dealing with this will just require me to be extra mentally tough, but I would really appreciate any advice in how to combat the perceptions of these guys!!
    P.S. The guys I’m having troubles with are between ages 21-26, none of the older guys, if that helps to convey my situation better at all.

  226. Heather-Team Forleo

    Rachel, thank you for sharing your perspective and experiences with us.
    You are amazing just as you are- with your positive and kind outlook on the world you are changing it. BRAVO! Congratulations on following your passion and working in a field that you want to work in. Get it, girl!

    Those comments have everything to do with how THEY feel and not in any way, shape, or form about you. Those men are intimidated by you and your fabulous self and they should be. Look at this 19 year old woman coming in rocking her job. You keep on being the fabulous person that you are and let your hard work speak for itself. They’re trying to get under your skin to undermine you and your ability. Imagine those words rolling off your arms and bouncing like Teflon.

    Those comments are going to come, because we get them in any field, but trust that your hard work and determination speaks more than there comments. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be and don’t forget that. We’re here to cheer you on! xo

  227. Neha

    Till now i had been a very kind hearted person and i am good to everybody..i can’t say no to anybody.. I am kind enough then i expect the people around me to behave like the same but now in my office everyone is just taking me in another way.. I can’t express but making fun kind of.. They use to treat me like i am nobody and i don’t know anything..mujhe khud ki kindness pr doubt hone lga

    • Julia - Team Forleo

      Hi Neha! I can tell just how kind and generous of a person you are from what you’ve shared, and these are such beautiful qualities. We completely understand that people will react to this part of your nature differently sometimes and I have a feeling that you may find this episode of MarieTV helpful in navigating this: https://www.marieforleo.com/2016/04/generous-not-doormat/

      I hope it’s helpful for you – you have such important, unique gifts to share! Remember to take good care of you, too. XOXO

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