Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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When this week’s question came in, it gave me a chuckle.

Mostly because it speaks to something we can all feel at times: exhausted from constantly striving to improve ourselves.  

Whether it’s a new diet, journaling practice, or “mental hack” to boost our productivity — these days, it seems like there’s always something new we should be doing to improve our lives.

Sometimes the best self-help is deciding your self doesn’t need helping. Click To Tweet

Which raises a valid question.

You might wonder, “Can’t I just coast for a little bit? Isn’t it OK to live my life without constantly trying to make it better? Is there a downside to all this inspiration?”

If you’ve ever wanted a little breather from self-improvement, I think you’ll really appreciate today’s show. (And yes, I get the irony.)

As someone who’s passionate about lifelong learning and personal growth, I really appreciated the opportunity to answer this question. It gave me a chance to unpack some common misconceptions about my industry, the apparent non-stop barrage of advice giving in the digital age, and…

You might be surprised at my answer about whether it’s a good idea to take a break from self-improvement.

Now, I’d love your take on this. Specifically…

How do you strike the balance between loving personal growth and not constantly feeling like you’re some fixer-upper project?

I’m particularly interested in your answer because I’ll bet you and I share some DNA and a burning passion for lifelong learning. Let me know in the comments below!

Remember to do your best to share as much detail as you can. Thousands of brilliant souls come here each week for connection, insight and inspiration and your story may just be what someone else needs to have a breakthrough.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. may be deleted as they can come across as spammy.

Thank you so very much for reading, watching, sharing your genius. Tuesdays are a real treasure in my life, and that’s all because of you.

P.S. Today I’m doing something exciting and a wee bit scary (for me!). I’m flying on a small jet down to Necker Island to mentor some brilliant entrepreneurs who won the Build A Business competition through Shopify.

Not sure how strong my internet access will be, but make sure you follow me on Instagram, as that’s where I’ll share some real-time pics!

With so much love,

XO

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229 comments

  1. It’s true that self-help is coming from all angles. But that’s also true of reality TV, mindless music, materialism…the list is endless.

    Like you said Marie, it’s using your intuition to guide you. I only move on what resonates with me. I pick up what stirs me and leave behind what no longer serves. I always have a choice to filter.

    The journey to self-help is ongoing, but the pace varies as necessary. In the end, it’s all useless if you feel buried by the weight of it. Just carry the essentials.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      That is so beautiful, Emelia. And so true!

    • Hi Marie,
      This is my first time leaving a comment. This episode stroke a cord with me. I totally agree with you on this one. I never feel self-improvement is a chore or a negative in any sense. Loved your tweetable because self-improvement is our choice to do or not….And it’s way ok to do or not! Thanks again for your unique style of teaching and sharing. Love it!!

    • This is exactly what I/so many needed to hear.

      “We are enough.”

      Thank you. <3

    • I do like your weekly -news- also because you seem to have fun with it.
      If I want to stop for a while I have a quick look thru my mail and delete all which I did not recognise of personal or customer contacts. Later on I go back and have fun with improofing myself. Realy sometimes I do only theory, but this is o.k. too.
      Thanks
      So long
      Lydia

    • Amanda

      Yes I think its about following intuition. And doing what feels like joy and following the feeling of joy.

    • Tonia

      Great response Emelia.

  2. Coastest with the mostest! YES! When we feel we need a break from growth to just be where we are and enjoy this moment, do it. It’s great to want to keep growing, it’s even greater to celebrate what we’ve done and enjoy the process. Sometimes I get that craving to just stop and breathe. It’s at that point that I can look around and show gratitude for everything:) Thank you Marie for another great show! I may have been at the Columbia Gorge the same time as you, kickng myself the universe didn’t bump us into each other!

    • Nothing wrong with growth; I prefer it to stagnation. That doesn’t mean not stopping and allowing yourself to take in a deep breathe. I guess we could have all rubbed elbows~ that’s in my back yard, so to speak. One of my favorite spots in the Gorge is ‘Angels Rest’ above Coopey Falls.

  3. a few days ago I said to my husband : I love learning. He asked – how do you make sure you are learning from a place of love and not from a place of constantly undermining myself.

    I responded “1. I am constantly checking that with myself, and especially when I start associating any heavy negative feelings with it like overwhelmed, confused with learning, I know it’s time to stop and reassess. Most of the times a little break from all kind of learning and self help – helps.
    2. In my business, I get strategic & objective about what exact gaps do I need to fill at that time & how would learning something at that time will lead me closer to my goals. Because the fear in me can sometimes dresses up as a learner to confuse me.

    So that’s my filter and assessment tool.
    I totally think that we all learners should stop, and do a reality check with ourselves time to time, thanks again for a cracking episode…oh yet again ! Lots if love to everyone who visits this Mecca of Learning.

    • Katie

      I never thought about it that way…either learning from a place of love or from a place of feeling inadequate. The whole thing about “fear dressing up as needing to learn more” has been so true for me at times. Thanks for helping me identify that within me so that I can be more self aware.

  4. Haha I totally agree!

    There came a time when I realized that I don’t need all those intro courses and self-help things that just keep my cycling in a circle.

    Great video , love!

  5. Dear Marie,
    you always manage to hit the nail on the head. Great answer to this Q. In order to get my self improved without freakin’ out, I set small realistic goals that lead to the big one. When the little goals are done I treat myself to something fun. Plus I always make sure one Fun Fawn Day is in my Calendar weekly. I personally love all the self help mails I get because I know on the other end of the mail is someone just like me trying to make a difference and a living. Keep helping!
    Belting It Out,
    Fawn

    • Great Fawn, Love your plan, need to improve in that area. I too love all the self help mails, though I have begun to be more selective so that I can really enjoy my journey, as I found I can loose the whole day staying connected. I am really now connecting with those who are closer to what I value and not just about the caring aspect. Don’t you love being in the presence of Marie. Have a great week.

  6. Great advice Marie!

    How do I strike the balance? I remember my emotions are creating my reality and I need to feel good in order to create good things.

    Being fed up with anything only creates more things that will make me feel fed up.

    So I look for, do, read, and create things that will make me happy. Works in the short term (happy!) and in the long term (creates more things to be happy about).

    Thanks for all you do Marie! Love your work.
    xo
    Boni

    • “Being fed up with anything only creates more things that will make me feel fed up.” So true!

      Yours is a wonderful strategy (and way of life) that I utilize as well. I first learned about it from The Desire Map, where Danielle LaPorte says that we don’t want things, we want feelings, so to experience our core feelings now. What a game changer, right? : )

  7. Hi Marie-

    Been following you for a while and I truly love & appreciate you and your advice/insights. Regarding coasting, I totally agree! I’m always striving to be the best me I can be but I’ve learned balance is an essential part of living a healthy life. Taking time to simple “BE” is crucial. No one else can fill our well for us. It’s imperative we do the little things that show love and appreciation to ourselves, that’s how we re-charge our internal batteries!

    Thx Marie! Love & Blessings Always-
    Cheryl

  8. Jen

    Really enjoyed this Marie! As a Clinical Psychologist working in the self-development world I have learned to honour my energy with self-help and know that it’s ok to decide to do different things at different stages of my personal/business development – whether that’s run / power walk / coast through it or just sit back watch the view! Love that analogy, thank you for all you do, Jen x

  9. “You are in control of what you pay attention to and what you focus on.” Amen, sistah! I need that on a t-shirt.

  10. As someone who has been obsessed with self-help almost since I knew how to read (and am now writing it myself) this has been a big lesson for me to learn. I used to feel like I was always struggling to do everything I thought I “should” do to be a better person, and that I would never measure up. Thankfully I’ve learned to continue pursuing growth while still feeling good about who I am now.

    I approach my goals and desires with curiosity and almost make it into a game. Every week I think about what I can do to get closer to what I dream of, and every week I check in to see if I’m making progress. If not, I relish the opportunity to think up new strategies and ideas. Being grateful for what I have, and approaching my mistakes with compassion makes me feel like I’m starting from a place of strength rather than weakness.

    Sometimes I get caught consuming tons of self-help without taking the time to process it and make it work in my life. That’s when I need to step back from reading everything I come across and just focus on what I really need.

    I also take all advice with a grain of salt. Austin Kleon said something along the lines of all advice is autobiographical. Whenever someone tells us we should do something, they’re speaking from their own experience and their own circumstances. We need to figure out for ourselves what’s best for us, and while leaders and thinkers (like Marie!) can help us get there, we can only follow our own path. Realizing that has helped empower me and gave me permission to do things my way.

    Now learning and growing is fun and not a chore or a burden. If it ever starts feeling like I’m on that treadmill of not enough, I step off and give myself a good love fest. I am always enough. But I can also always be better 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Yes, Stephanie! I love that. A good love fest is always the key 🙂

    • Liz

      That is so true, Stephanie – all advice is autobiographical. I find choosing the ways in which I can improve myself (or choosing to coast) is very empowering, but when someone else dictates what I need to improve about myself, it’s quite the opposite.
      Firstly, until you’re perfect, please don’t dictate to me about how I need to improve (in your opinion). Secondly, if you like me enough to be friends with me, then I hope you like me enough to take me as I am.

  11. First I have to say….Marie you rock! You are such an inspiration for me and I know thousands of others.

    I could really relate to the question of day. It can be challenging not to feel pressured by the “self-help overload”. For me, I sense when to lean in and lean out just by the whispers of my own voice. There are times in which I’m hungry for knowledge so I soak up new information like a sponge. Other times I get into grace mode which allows me the space and time to move new knowledge from an intellectual to a spiritual place. I have to have this balance if I really want to create a specific change. Otherwise, I’m listening, reading, and watching lots of great stuff but no real change at a deeper level.

    Keep rocking our world!

  12. Marie, you are amazing! And loved the fire bit!! 🙂 I could really relate to today’s message and I loved hearing from you that it’s in our control. Duh! (that’s what I’m thinking to myself). Need to remind myself to listen to my inner voice. 🙂 Thanks for rocking as always.

  13. Marie,
    AWESOME Q to A today. I was like Liza for a while and it seemed like 90% of my email was some form of self help ezine. I finally realized it was too much. Now, you’re one of the few I get because you don’t over do it with emails and offerings of help.

    Thanks for providing such balanced thoughts on creating balance! lol

    MJ

  14. Virginia

    Marie – thanks for a good reminder that sometimes enough is enough. I read a lot of self-help information and write extensively on it. I like to call it ‘acting on your own behalf’. That means if something doesn’t resonate, don’t take it in deeply. You never know where you will get an ‘a-ha’ moment so do however much feels good to you at that place in your life. I believe we are all striving AND that we are okay now.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Acting on your own behalf — beautiful idea, Virginia!

  15. Tom

    Hi, I really liked this video.
    I believe that’s kinda boring a lot of “Life Tips” out there, but the truth is that it helps but only when we choose the right stuff to follow. I like that your updates a weekly and small, focused and specific.

    Hugs

  16. Kudos to the guys in the cave skins!
    Self-acceptance is definitely one of the best gifts we can give ourselves to help filter mixed messages about what other people think we need to improve. If we start from a place of self-acceptance, we’re only seeking improvement from a place of love and peace with who we already are, rather than being swayed by whatever messages we encounter.

    • Yes! I think a foundation of self-acceptance makes the difference between change you’re suffering through or feeling good about, and the key to sustainable change. If improving is a stressful bummer and I’m feeling disconnected from myself, I inevitably say forget it.

  17. mary

    I love this topic, why because, I get to remind myself, my true self needs no fixing up, I am basically good, born that way. The information that comes toward me is too help me with my growth, to develop a higher consciousness to be a part of the one consciousness and we all benefit, but my foundation does not need fixing…oh this stuff is great…hugs to you all.

    • Kathleen

      YES! So well stated Mary, thank you.

  18. Totally spot on as always! I’ve been feeling compelled lately to stop learning, exploring, and questioning, and instead start doing and being more. Then I feel guilty like, what am I going to miss out on interims a personal and professional development that could possibly maybe make this easier?! And then I realize, just like you explain today, it’s OK! All decisions are good, so long as I choose them to be!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Absolutely agree, Liz. Plus, I think it’s helpful to remember that you’ll always see/read/experience everything you’re supposed to. If you “miss” something while you’re taking a pause from learning to spend time in action, you can trust you’ll find that thing again when you’re back to actively seeking inspiration!

  19. Pervin

    Enjoyed this video Marie, your energy is infectious, thanks for spreading positive thoughts, continuous learning. I agree we need to balance the information we receive each day, prioritize what we can focus on and set goals that are achievable.

  20. HA!!!! Motorboat it! This was the best laugh to get my morning started.

    Oh and I love your owl mug!!!! I need one. 🙂

    Love you Marie and team!

  21. Dear Marie,

    As always, you look so pretty and I love your hair. Pretty, pretty, pretty.

    Thanks for your inspiring messages. I’m all in when it comes to continued learning. Go girl. My motto these days: I will persist until I succeed.

    x
    Julie

  22. Great question!

    Self-help is a life-long process that I sometimes get into over my head. I see it as a feature of my life, a constant that gives me happiness that I am moving in the right direction. I don’t feel broken, I feel like I am in motion and hanging with self-help peeps gives me handlebars to steer with! (That’s a tweetable!)
    When I feel like I am in over my head and have too many voices coming at me, I detach from everything except Marie TV. MarieTV is a once-a-week nudge in the right direction, and a feeling that I am spending time with my people, including Marie and her amazing and fun team, without being overwhelmed. Thank you so much for that!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      That is so great to hear, Tammy! Thank you for being here every week with us, even when you detach from everything else. That truly means the world to us. xo

  23. Deanna

    self-improvement … overwhelming??
    I don’t view the availability of self help information on the Internet as self development / or help per se. I am a college instructor, so my view is bias, but I see all of this “improvement” as education. Rather it is knowledge, wisdom, experiences, a chill pill or a reality check, we need all of these things to create balance in our hectic lives and self-improvement is just a form of educating ourselves to be the very best, be more – do more.

    Education and lifelong learning is mandatory in everyone’s lives; the beauty of learning is in our choice regarding what, how, and when we want to learn.

    Soapbox done 🙂
    Love watching your videos Marie!

  24. Kristina

    If self-help felt like a chore imposed by someone else/the culture/the internet, then I would definitely take a break from it and question why I was doing it. If I’m trying to fix/improve what’s not broken to get more __x__? Or if I was feeling a strong urge from within that SOMETHING has to change in my life because I feel stuck/whatever? Growth can actually be exhausting sometimes, because it involves taking more responsibility and risks, but it usually adjusts to feeling worth it in the end, like your are getting closer to yourself and your own life. Like accepting sore muscles from exercising and cutting down on bad food in order to have a general better health and energy level. You learn to balance that discomfort with learning new ways of pampering yourself. The whole point I think is to do it FOR OURSELVES when the inner urge says it’s time to grow, not because everybody else seems to do it.

  25. Rochelle

    Ya gotta know – that fire segment was SO stinkin clever and funny….in the middle and at the end. Thanks for the morning laughs, along with a fresh perspective on self-improvement.

  26. I read A-LOT. Since I’m on a budget I max out my library card every month and since I never separate my learning from my ‘work’ life or life in general it never felt overwhelming. Recently I realized that I read a massive amount of books and most of that knowledge was getting lost. So I’m implementing a notecard system where I read a book and take notes directly on the book then I come back to it 1-2 weeks later and re read the notes. Any that still resonate gets moved on to an index card for future use. I used to do it in notebooks but now I have a shelf full of notebooks that I haven’t leafed through in awhile.

    I like the cards being independent so I can rearrange them into the themes and I’m hoping this helps me utilize them more often. Ryan Holiday’s notecard method was the one that appealed to me the most so I’m modifying it to fit my needs.

    #BuyAllTheBooks #ReadAllTheBooks!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Maria, I LOVE this!! What a smart system and a great way to catalog your biggest takeaways. Thank you for sharing it with all of us!

    • Marie, that is a great strategy; I’ve been doing something similar for a few years, although I keep my notes online, so I can easily find a quote or three.

      Someday, all that time invested will form a pattern and your life’s work will just hit you. Reading widely is a gift to yourself that you can always unwrap.

  27. Great advice, but we should also never forget the advice of Mortimer Adler, the great philosopher: “One can never learn too much. One can never know or understand all that he or she is capable of knowing or understanding. no one can ever gain full development of his personality. No one can ever reach by personal growth the full extent of all of what she is capable. No one can ever exhaust her creative resources, no matter how fortunate she is in health and length of life, no matter how much free time she has at her disposal, no matter how prudent she is in limiting the amount of free time she spends in play.”

  28. Mary

    Who said “coasting” is not self-helping or self-improving? I had the best insights and ideas while like what Marie did: just sitting watching the sunset – for hours – and such clarities comes…..

    • I’m with you Mary! All my great stuff comes from the times when I let stuff marinate.

    • I knew if I scrolled down long enough, I’d find a sentiment I agree with wholeheartedly! I realized just this year that it’s the constant consumption of “tips” that contributes to my overwhelm. So I’ve shut down/unsubscribed/unfollowed TONS of newsletters, etc. to enjoy only those that really speak to me. Focusing on my meditation practice seems to have given those ideas enough space to take root.

  29. Bernice

    Thanks Marie! Very apropos topic for me. I worked in a culture where I just never felt good enough to advance much beyond my current post. My mindset was the ‘if I just learned this thing (product, technology, methodology et al) ‘ that they would see my commitment at improvement and all the hard word would pay off. That would only work until new management or new owners would step in and then I would have to prove myself all over again. Finally this feeling of ‘not good enough’ became a self fulfilling prophesy and I was told I just didn’t fit into their plans for moving forward. Now that’s a hard blow – every bad thought about my inadequacy sucked the air from my lungs and threatened to drown me. But then I started to think of what a burden this place has been and that if they couldn’t recognize all my positive contributions (even though clients and coworkers certainly did) then that is their loss. Realizing that their opinions and their plans doesn’t negate all the positives makes me look at self improvement in a different light – I do this to please me and for my enjoyment because I truly find what I am learning interesting and exciting. This is still a process for me, but I see each day getting better and better and that in itself is ‘self improvement’. 🙂

  30. Sometimes I like to take a break from it and then return with a renewed vigor!

    However every once in a while I decide I’m ‘too busy’ to meditate – this is always a mistake and I always go back to it because it makes me feel so much better.

    Thanks for the beautifully illustrated point Marie x

  31. Anita

    Hi Marie
    Of course it’s ok to be ok with who you are if you are ok with who you are otherwise keep reading Maria’s blog..

  32. Monique

    So funny you posted this today, because I decided to take a break from learning things and just wanted to figure what I wanted. What felt right for me and my business.

    For me that meant just journaling, getting my thoughts out and just doing what comes naturally.

  33. I’m constantly learning something new about myself because I consider growth the epitome of living.

    When I keep hearing and reading the same thing I feel that it’s something that I need to be aware of not because I’m broken instead it is so I can help others identify what isn’t working within themselves and their lives.

    Coasting instead of actively growing is still growth. When you coast, you’re taking in new experiences and learning new things; you’re just going about it at a slower pace then when you’re actively reading/listening/applying personal development tips and strategies.

    • I like your perspective that coasting is still growing! You are still going to learn a lot, even if you’re not seeking it. Well, if you pay attention to what’s happening around you and cause and effect and such.

  34. Thanks for another wonderful episode, Marie! Love what you said about “we get to choose!” What works for me is trusting I will see/hear what I’m meant to see/hear (that doesn’t mean EVERYTHING!). And when I feel overwhelmed or like something is “off,” I pause, close my eyes and ask my heart “What do I most need right now in this moment?” Then I do it — even in the smallest of ways.

    Have a fun and safe trip! Angels around you!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Yes yes yes, Bonnie! Totally agree 🙂

  35. What a perfect timing, Marie!
    I’ve just taken some time off from work, as I’m moving to the Uk in three weeks and I decided to take a break to really prepare well for this new adventure.
    I teach Yoga here in Italy, and I would totally love to keep teaching in the Uk, yet I will also need another job and circumstances and people around me seem all to scream: “You will find an awesome job, right? You can’t settle for less than the best!”.
    But I’m here like: “I need a break from ‘the best’. What if I just want to be a waitress/barista in a nice English café – plus a part time yoga teacher?”. I mean, at least for a while.
    I can do great things and help people even working in a café, I don’t have to do the ‘awesome’ job to do that, I don’t have to always ‘improve’. I want to have some me-time, to smell the flowers, to watch the clouds, to smile at people.
    I want to coast for a while, and that’s probably what I will do.

    Thanks Marie for this week’s Q&A 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Eleonora, good luck with your move! I have no doubt some really incredible adventures are ahead of you!

    • If you just do in the UK what you did in Italy, what’s the point of moving, right? Using this time to really notice the world around you is one of the smartest, most authentic things you can do. Here’s to the adventure of your life, Eleonora!

    • Esther

      Hey, Eleonora! I live in London and I’ve recently decided that my current business is not entirely right for me (as a result of doing Marie’s brilliant B-School). So I’m going back to my ‘old life’ and doing some consultancy work in the corporate world. This means that I can turn up to my job, do it well, but at the end of the day my time is my own and I can work on my next step whilst not worrying about money. I completely agree with you that sometimes we do need a break, so kudos to you for putting that out there! Too many people think we need to always be progressing…well, progress to me is giving out dreams room to breathe and it sounds like that’s exactly what you plan to do. Wishing you all the best and a BIG thanks to Marie for this week’s Q&A!

  36. Hi Marie,
    I totally loved today’s episode but really, the only thing that caught my attention was the fact that you are on Instagram *covers face*. For some reason, I’ve never thought to look for you there.
    Just found you and I’m now following *grin*

    Lagos, Nigeria

  37. Hi Marie!!!! I’m the Liza, as in today’s Q from Liza! Thanks for answering my question with such a great sense of humor. (You had my laughing at: “you’re the one who signed up for all of this…”) I’m stepping away from the self help buffet! I try not to give advice on my blog and inspire my readers with what I’m doing. Lots of love your way. xo Liza

    • Liza! It was a brilliant question and one that a lot of us can identify with…and what humor you inspired, I laughed until I just about cried, and then I put my arm down…

    • I second that–awesome Q, Liza!

      • Esther

        I third that, it was a fantastic question, Liza! And I laughed too because just this morning I was looking at the deluge of emails and offers arriving in my inbox – err, buffet!

    • Kathleen

      Yes, Great Q Liza, and the inspiration for such a great episode of MarieTV! Thank you for the thought- provocation on this topic.

  38. Eva

    I get this constant feeling Marie and Team Forleo can read my mind! Just this morning, I made a decision regarding a course I wanted to take. I realized it wasn’t good timing.
    B-School was the first training I took because it truly resonated with what I felt I needed, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. It also opened up the universe of online self-improvement resources available. After signing up for what seemed like 100 newsletters, I started noticing those that I really took time to read and actually enjoyed seeing in my inbox. I unsubscribed from everything else and now have a clearer sense of what it is I would like to keep improving. I think we get better on a daily basis if we want to. What’s hard is to feel we ARE good enough in the eyes of others.

  39. Lisa

    Owwww this really struck a chord with me! I’ve noticed over time that I’ve transitioned from loving personal development and working on myself with enjoyment to suddenly resenting it / feeling a bit bored – burnt out with it. I also know I am responsible for feeling this way as I totally over loaded and over whelmed myself. I agree that it’s not the Internet that causes us to seek out self improvement but would say that what the Internet does do is bring so much choice, so many articles & different resources that it is easier to be over whelmed by it these days than pre internet. I haven’t really done much self help properly for a long time but I hope to find my way back to it one day in a more balanced way.. I.e working on myself in a more present, enjoyable way, then taking time to switch off and simply be.. Hopefully this will keep it fresh and enjoyable and not a chore..its a tricky balance sometimes, but a possible one too. Thanks for another great vid on another great topic.

  40. I loved this video, while I don’t ever feel I get too much self help, I do get a sense of ‘guilt’ if I catch myself off track. This was a great reminder that we are all on our own path and our path is perfect 😉

    Thank you from Calgary!

  41. I TRY to refer to and think of all advice I find as just “tools”, which I can choose to use or not use. I can get a little obsessive about doing the “right things”, and being the “right way”, so thinking of them this way makes them less critical and me less wrong for choosing what I want to follow or not.

    This video was a great reminder to me to reexamine my current perspective, because I’ve been feeling very lacking lately. Also, the motorboat reference was hiiiiilaaaarious! 😉

  42. We are all more connected than we have ever been and it is a magical and marvelous thing but sometimes we need to unplug and just take a break. Such a great Q this week. We miss life when we are trying too hard and thus ignore the signs that come up on the journey of our lives. Being aware of these signs are the best personal development tips you could ever get so make sure that you are not missing your life by trying too hard, self helping too much or just not paying attention. The most important thing anyone can do is truly be in the flow of their life…once you are then you need nothing else and you are able to pick the best things out of the noise for where you are and where you are going. Hope this helped someone xoxo

  43. Teresa

    I loved to hear your answer to this question, it’s exactly what I thought!
    I’m not interested in personal growth and development because I feel I have to fix something, I just like it and can’t live without learning and doing and trying new things all the time! Otherwise I would feel bored! But if I feel I’m taking on too much (which happens sometimes…) I take a step back and re-prioritize my objectives and activities

  44. Amy

    Thanks for this insight, Marie! I completely agree. I get what Liza shared, as well, as I’ve been there . . . feeling like I’m not ‘improving’ fast enough, still making same mistakes, blah, blah, blah. That mind chatter can get the best of us if we don’t keep it in check! Ha! I am grateful for the guidance from spirit as to when to coast and when to kick it in to overdrive. There are appropriate times for both. Thank you for being real and speaking truth. We are here to evolve and grow, so it never stops if we are conscious individuals, but we can slow the pace when needed. So glad I found you, Marie . . . I love you and your messages!

  45. Brilliant and absolutely true. Thank you Marie xo
    Favorite quotes:
    — “You raised you hand for it, so you can also put your hand down!”
    — “Step away, from the self help buffet.”
    — “Yes, it’s cool to coast. You should coastest with the mostest.”

  46. I really LOVE today’s topic. Marie you have really come-back with a bang!
    Getting into the topic I feel there should be learning and improvement only when you feel you lack something.
    Pushing yourself constantly even when you are doing good in some area, will itself pull down your motivation to move ahead!
    Great sharing thanks…

  47. Hi Marie!

    As usual you made my Tuesday totally awesome! Love this episode. I am a transformative life coach and several of my clients take every self-help program available yet their lives do not improve. They come to me because they do not understand why things aren’t changing. I began to understand that they take all these courses, name drop the great person whose course they took, and then go on to the next course–still lost and wondering why their life did not become marvelous and wonderful! They left out the important step of DOING what the program was about in the first place and are now fatigued and wondering what went wrong.

    I’m so glad you used the phrase “Step away from the self-help buffet”! This is exactly what I talk with my clients about: Pick a program, do the work and enjoy your life.

    I totally loved this week’s question and your reply. All of the marvelous programs and people offering them aren’t exactly the same but the goals are generally to help you create the life you will love living. But, sadly, just like pumpkin pie, if you eat too much you lose the love of the taste! Step away from the buffet! Great idea.

    Glenda

  48. Sarah

    Hi! I also feel like this is an interesting topic. I have friends who don’t work, couch surf on other people’s dimes and are always doing workshops or reading the latest book, but interestingly enough I don’t witness growth in their lives (through my lens of course). It’s one personal development workshop after another, and to me it seems like an escape. I used to do a lot more personal development work than I do now, and didn’t always see the benefit. I do think self-help in my life should be never ending and part of life and I also feel like it’s good to do in moderation so I have perspective. I personally feel like balancing self help with things on the opposite end of the spectrum let me apply what I’ve read or learned and see what fits.

  49. Coasting is good – it is the spot where ideas are incubated. It’s the quiet time between the production of life. Cherish it!

  50. Azzy

    Thank you Marie and Team, just love you guys…

    I think it’s important to take a break when you feel overloaded with anything…

    Finally if self improvement isn’t improving your life then you are missing the point…

    Thanks again

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      We love you too Azzy!

  51. Kim

    Marie, thanks for pointing out the Truth; that ALL of us are whole, perfect and complete just the way we are. And… we all fall off out of our canoe occasionally. Thats the beauty of the self-help movement, it gives us access, when we need it, to those times when we need a helping hand to get back in and continue our journey through the beautiful lake that is our life. Silly metaphor but I think ya get it. ; )

  52. BTW, you look gorgeous on your video today – love that dress!!! Thought this was a great answer to this question. So many people exhaust themselves by trying to find the answer to make their life better without stopping to enjoy the scenery and themselves.

    Love all of your info. Just finishing up B School and getting so much out of it. You are awesome – keep it up 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Hooray, Deanne! So happy to hear you’ve gotten so much out of B-School. If you want to share more about any insights or big a-ha moments, we would LOVE to hear 🙂

  53. Another great video Marie!

    I especially resonate with always listening to that inner voice…sometimes you’ll need to seek out inspiration, but many times, that inspiration will come from inside you once you take the time to just “be.”

    What I find to be beautiful irony is that when your inner self says “I need to coast” or just block out the all of the external “self help” messages, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are just “coasting” and not growing, though you may feel much more at peace. Sometimes when you quiet the world around you, and just take time to “be”, you tend to connect even more to the universe and begin to blossom and grow, sometimes without a conscious effort.

    It’s kind of a really beautiful thing. Definitely always listen to that inner voice. I’ve spent years questioning it only to find that the more I listen, the more power it has, and the easier it is becomes to steer into the direction of my dreams.

  54. Anna

    I describe myself as a self-help junkie, because I love self-help and can’t get enough of it. And though I have self-doubt frequently, it’s not all the self-help stuff out there that makes me feel that way. If anything, it has the opposite effect on me.

    Maybe all of us who go through the self-help journey experience a period of not feeling like we’re enough, because self-help maybe wakes us up to what needs to be improved. But at least in my case, as I’ve continued on the self-help path, I haven’t felt that way. If anything, I feel better about myself thanks to all the self-help that’s out there.

  55. Marie, this is THE BEST episode ever! Hard to say that because so many are so good, but being in personal growth and soul work myself I just love how you answered Liza’s Q. Yes, it is possible to get burnt out on personal growth and so many people feel the pressure of being the best at something, even if that means themselves! I feel many of us need to take a rest at relaxation station for a spell and do as you said, just listen to their souls for a bit. That’s the work I LOVE to do and my clients are amazed at how much they hear that is simple truth and cuts thru so much of the noise and pressure to preform at life. Thanks again for a brilliant and heartfelt Marie Tv episode:)

  56. I watch MarieTv often. I’m definitely a fan. However, this video made me a super fan. Outstanding guidance. I’m in love. Thank you!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Amy!! 🙂

  57. We never stop learning, which I guess is a form of self-help. I see people in their 90’s still curious about life. As long as its done with passion and ardor, there’s no greater joy. Doing anything because you must is always a drag.

  58. Jori

    Preface: I haven’t yet watched your video
    Setting: Scurrying around the house trying to “do it all” while the 11mos old sleeps and thinking to myself that I should be sleeping too but shaking that thought right off and checking my email
    Purpose: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
    Thank you in advance for prompting me to “allow myself” to be sitting here in my bedroom, in the comfy chair my husband bought for me, breathing with purpose in order to slow my joyous excited heart, and preparing myself to “be present” for this video that I know is going to be “just what I needed to hear/see/experience at this very moment.
    Brag: I am AWESOME
    Grateful: and so are you and ELIZABETH RIDER (my path to you)
    Desire: to just keep learning and teaching others to be their AWESOME selves.
    Post Script: I promise to update after the video 🙂

  59. Jana Carrey

    Awwww. I haven’t watched a Marie TV video in a while bc I was taking a break and waited til one resonated with me. I loved the last part of the video and it brought some tears to my eyes. As a life long learner I can get pretty intense at times about pursuing growth – and at times it feels like my soul is always egging me on. Sometimes it’s been a fun process,
    Other times it’s felt really dark and hard. Having had some gnarly adrenal fatigue to recover from the past few years and learning to better manage my energy taught me a lot about choosing what to consume and ultimately it does come down to trusting myself above all else.

    Sometimes before we become aware we have choice and are truly empowered, it can feel like we are victims of what’s around us in society (especially for an empath / energetically sensitive soul like myself) until the realization dawns that we aren’t. For me it hasn’t been an overnight process. It’s been a journey up a proverbial mountain and at times I see the same things from a new point of View.I’d say for anyone who still struggles with learning to trust yourself as the ultimate expert – be easy with yourself and remember that you deserve love no matter what!

    I’ve gone thru times where I felt like I needed a lot of “expert advice” and now I don’t. Part of it has been a mystery and I trust every experience played its part!

  60. Thanks Marie for such clarity! This leads me to the importance of our decisions AND what works for us as human beings. We’ll NEVER know if we don’t at least try. For me, life is all about living… Sometimes on the sidelines; sometimes in the game; and sometimes NOT even in the ballpark. Clarity comes in feeling what works best for you, when it works best for you, and how it works best for you. Here’s toward drinking from a crystal clear fountain of life. Enj❤️Y.

  61. Love the point you made about having the choice about which self-help material you actually subscribe to

  62. Kelly

    I do relate to Liza. I believe in being the “objective observer” to my life, and I’m always looking to do better, but sometimes to really feel alive, I have to just immerse myself in the subjective experience – whether that is an experience of joy, boredom, or pain – without trying to understand or improve it. That’s when my intuitive judgement and wise foresight becomes strongest! That’s when you can really work magic in your life. The soul-searching reflection and intentionality of personal development is something that I find is best served when I am becoming distracted or drifting from a feeling of purpose. When the purpose is there, and I’m able to show up in my life, then I embrace that as much as I can.

  63. I love you, Marie!!! Motor boat it – LOL!!!! The “tweetable” on this one should have been “Don’t victimize yourself with what you choose to pay attention to.” I love how empowering you always remind us to be and that we have a choice at what we do with every moment and every thought.

  64. Taylor

    This was great! I’ve been addicted to the self help buffet since I learned how to read. I do “it” because I love it. Very rarely has it ever been out of desperation. I think that the supply is simply congruent with the demand. We are in very heightened times (the aquarian age, to be exact!) And we’re hungry for spiritual nourishment! I think it may seem like we are being beckoned to at all angles, but I think this is a good thing. There’s a thousand different ways to speak to a thousand different people. We’re lucky to have a buffet because there will always be a food that appeals to YOU! As far as I’m concerned, there can never be enough messengers for the voice of love and sanity. Find one that speaks to YOU! And by all means, if that’s all you could ever want or need, consider yourself lucky! Look no further and eat your heart out. We don’t need these tools because we’re deficient, we need these tools because it’s easy to forget that we’ve been sleep walking. And regardless, all of these messages are merely sign posts helping to direct you to your OWN understanding. And that’s the only way it sticks anyways. 😉 On another note, it can be really easy to take ourselves too seriously. Sometimes a gossip girl binge it’s just what the doctor ordered.

  65. You had me at, “Don’t see self-help as needing to fix something that is deficient in ourselves” I thought that’s exactly what its for! New thought.

    I am going to listen to that inner guidance that says”rest”, or “get your butt up and just do something”…Loving it!!!

  66. LOVE ,”the coastest with the mostest!’ Now there’s some words to live by. Let’s schedule THAT into our busy lives.

  67. Great way to answer that question. You tell it like it is.

  68. Delia

    Funny enough, this is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. But I realized that I just need to streamline where I’m getting information from and stop consuming everything that comes my way. I’ve not implemented one idea before I’m onto the next and it’s making me tired.

  69. Yes, that’s what I do.

    I realized that I am going back to the people who I originally signed up to read, and I’m unsubscribiiing 🙂

    From everything.

    And focusing on who to follow based on my own plan of growth.

    Muaaaah!!!

    • This was a thought provoking episode. Self improvement is something we all struggle with and I’m glad you made the point that we choose to improve. It is our choice and we shouldn’t be overwhelmed because of it.

      Alisha Brown

  70. Monica

    I strike the balance in a super easy way…….at least it has become this way to me. Every morning, I look at myself in the mirror and look deep into my eyes and say ” I truly love you just the way you are.” This brings me back to me right away in the morning and it sets a tone of loving kindness for me.

    By doing this, when I find something new to improve about myself, I am most definitely coming at it from a place of love of self.

    The other thing I do is I limit myself to one new change at a time. I have a tendency to some times jump in head first and take on trying to change everything at once. This is the quickest and easiest way for me to fail.

    By learning to, and remembering to, love myself each and every day, I can stay in that love groove and I have found this keeps me from feeling overwhelmed.

    Again…….thanks Marie Forleo and Team Forleo for another fantastic video.

    ~Monica

    • Hi Monica. I agree. Starting each day with positive words to self is so valuable. We should never underestimate the power of positive thought. I am currently reading Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins and there is a chapter on how just changing the words we use effects the way we act and respond. I don’t want to loose my passion and I would love to manage my negative responses so what a great tool to enable us to manage how we feel and therefore how we impact others. I also love the one change at a time. Ah, who woulda thought that it is easier to take on one thing at a time, dah. I recent big ah ha for me. I have been so used to juggling lots of things that I had forgotten we can do one thing at a time, it’s ok and for many of us this will make life easier. Thanks.

      • Chelsea - Team Forleo

        Love that, Leanne. And how great that you’re reading Awaken the Giant Within!

  71. I really needed this! Thank you so much. I get stuck trying to constantly improve myself, and then every so often I realize I still have a relatively negative view of myself. It’s important to remember that I’m awesome just as I am, and everything I do to improve is to make me even more awesome.

  72. Jaz

    Marie – great as usual!
    I have noticed that a little bit of exercise in the morning opens up my mind so much more to accept or reject stuff throughout the day. I know, I know, everyone tels us to exercise more. I actually started exercising and I feel great – mentally and physically.

  73. Sometimes I struggle with subscribing to too many blogs and feeling like if I don’t read them all, I will miss out on something incredibly important. The way I’ve learned to balance this (because I have serious OCD issues with unread emails) is to just delete, delete, delete when I feel overwhelmed. I have learned to trust that if I am meant to gain knowledge, the universe will make sure I get it and it’s OK not to read every little piece of copy out there.

  74. I can see getting ready to jet off to Necker has put you in a great mood, Marie. It’s so contagious! This was such a fun lesson to learn and I will watch my elbows, in case they start to creep upwards over the next enticing e-book that sounds so great, but isn’t a resounding YES!

  75. Pantothenic

    Tx for talking about the stuff few are talking about. Yes. Take a damn break.

  76. Kathleen Williscroft

    This morning I was thinking that it would be great if we could change the “self-help” section in bookstores and even the phrase, to “personal development”. I think the term itself, self-help, implies that we need to be fixed. Which is so not true and not even helpful when wanting to improve and enrich your life.

    As someone who loves learning, I think of personal development as a way of learning about myself and learning ways that I can become healthier and happier. That doesn’t mean I implement everything I’ve come across all the time, but I take what resonates with me and practice that as often as it feels right. Overall, I think of personal development as a gift to myself.

  77. Rhonda

    I loved this episode. I think self help is inspiring and doesn’t make me feel inadequate, instead it makes me feel challenged to keep growing and learning. I agree you can get into the soup, so I pick the ones that resonate and leave the others on the table. And sometimes folks you have loved aren’t working for you at this time, stop following, you can always go back later. Get the most from those you follow and don’t feel guilty if you quit following. It is self help – not others help.

  78. Jen

    This is such a useful area to consider. Thank you for the entire post.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      So happy it was helpful to you, Jen!

  79. Lisa

    Great video.
    Recently I looked around my living space and it was full of self improvement books (which I love) but I realised I was looking at them as jobs I needed to do to fix something.. makng my space not restful. Have donated most of them now.. much happier. (Not yours marie.. im reading it again..?)They served a purpose at the time. Sometimes it’s nice to just be.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, absolutely, sometimes it’s also super important to just be. 🙂

  80. Sherrie

    I think it’s frustrating to call it “personal growth”. To me, it says I need help. I prefer to call it “personal discovery”. All of us are perfect in our own right, it’s just discovering that perfection through whatever means is right for each of us. Personally, I love meditation. It helps to clear the clutter going through my mind that holds me back from being my best!

  81. Cheryl B

    This question REALLY resonated with me. I’ve had many of the same feelings, worries and wonderings. Maybe partly because I’m from the same generation (62). I’ve wondered if coming from a time when we couldn’t get help or information instantaneously (phone calls or the library or paying in time and money for seminars seemed to be the only options) has made it to where it is hard for our generation to not try out every person or self-help product that pops in front of us? This might not make sense to those of you who have never NOT had Internet. Please don’t be too hard on our generation.:) I think the inability to unsubscribe or to refuse to enter our email one more time has to do with being afraid we will miss the one perfect person or product that could this time REALLY change our lives.:) That being said I have finally learned to filter…really, how many sites that talk about changing our brain waves do I really need to subscribe to?:) Also, I’ve learned that USUALLY it is easy to unsubscribe from a site that isn’t helpful to me. Even though it may take weeks for the entity to stop sending emails I’ve developed the will power to delete without opening! I am honest with myself asking “Is this useful?” or “Will I ever put into practice any of the suggestions from this person?” Yes, I still get overwhelmed and I still sometimes panic with the “What if this is JUST what I need?” question, but I am working on really paring down what comes into my inbox by limiting how many sites I will read in each category in which I am interested (health, food, business, dog/horse training, etc.). Oh, and I’ve finally become comfortable with letting go of FB for the most part! How freeing! The older I get the easier it has become to believe that I am enough. I don’t need “stuff”, I don’t need a perfect body and I don’t need to be like anyone else. When I focus on that, I can love myself and I’m more free to love others. And I can relish learning about things that bring me joy!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Beautiful share, Cheryl. It’s so clear that you have a really good grasp at what’s good and helpful for you, and what’s not, and some ways for figuring that out.

      It seems like so much of it has to do with recognizing our wholeness, or that we’re enough first, and then diving into the new knowledge and practices that actually brings us joy rather than finding the things that will fix us, so to speak.

      I really love your idea of relishing the learning that actually brings you joy. 🙂

  82. Oliver Rojas

    I presently balance personal growth by filtering in advice that applies to my goals and visions and screening out the rest. Probably only twenty, (20%) of the self-help I listen to and agree with is successfully applied, the rest goes right down the funnel until I return to it for a refresh. Along the road of progress, deciphering self-help that applies to our needs gets easier as we get closer to our dreams. Our judgement gets sharper and we are better able to disect what we really want and need. The hardest part about not getting delayed in reaching goals is resisting all the good variety of options and side attractions that come along the way to our destination. Some of them are new and exciting and prior to our progress, “inaccessible”. Being able to look at them, assess them, and conclude that they amount to potential roadblocks or side streets directing us away from our dreams is key to reaching goals sooner. Be aware that acquaintences and people you care about, advertisers and strangers are watching your progress. If opportunists among them feel they can capture some of your fire and harness it for their own profit, they will go to almost any length to do it.

  83. mal

    Re: self help

    I do what I can and enjoy the process. Stop when it feels right and power through when I’m on a roll.

    xx

  84. For me, personal development has been essential to my success. I believe that we are all created for growth in one form or another and I prefer to be in control of that.
    I do not force myself to work on myself. That to me insane. There is a time for growth, a time for work, and a time to PAARRTYYYY! So my best advice would be to listen to your intuition and to allow your life to show you what you at that time. Trust me, it will.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Love that. 🙂

  85. Thanks so much for the post, Marie! To me self-help is simply a form of advice on how to live life in order to reach certain goals. But you can reach those goals by following your own intuition and sometimes that is the best advice.

  86. Beautifully said! I do subscribe to quite a few … and I LOVE them all … but every now and again I just go thru my email and click the box so that I can move them to a “saved” file that I have already made … even though I don’t look at them, I know that if I ever have the time, I may want to go back and look at them. Cleans my email out … gives me a sense of “aaahhhh” … and life goes on!

  87. Thanks Marie!
    I love what you said, and I heard that lady differently. What I heard her saying and what I feel from time to time, is “ahhhh, I thought I dealt with this issue! why is it here again!” lol – obviously for a reason, but sometimes I can get frustrated with old sadness or pain coming around again.

  88. Jade Varley

    Awesome video, absolutely loved it.

  89. Thank you Marie for this week’s Q&A, I love it!

    The Inner Voice, this is THE BEST self help. We just need to listen and trust.

    From time to time I like to seat in park and absorb the sounds, pictures, smells, voices, silence… Just be there… out of the way…

    Have a great day, Marie, you rock! 🙂

  90. I have been there and done that too. When I first came in contact with self improvement movement I was excited and always searching new ways to improve myself, until I started to feel exhausted. Then I got to realize that it wasn’t really leading me anywhere. The more I searched the more I found things in myself I should improve.

    What made a big difference in my life was realizing that all those thoughts about improving myself, were just thoughts. If I didn’t take them too seriously, they didn’t have a life of their own, and would disappear. In fact they were just creating more stress in my life and taking me away from my my own inner wisdom if I believed them. Just by realizing this helped me to calm my mind and become more in contact with my inner self. The inner self we all have that is already perfect.

    This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t learn new things and get new skills, but rather to realize that from the core of our beings we are already enough. Thank you Marie for your beautiful video. <3

  91. Great question and wise answer! Once you start blaming the internet you have given over control. I look forward to my subscriptions and get a lot out of it and I am responsible for who I invite into my life. It is a great community who want to share their love of life and put themselves out there. I do feel very full sometimes with the “buffet of self improvement” and when that happens, its time to get out and get active with what I am learning…pass it on to someone else, get creative, make it practical, get reflective about what I want to stop, to start and to continue…..then its back for more!

  92. I know that overwhelmed feeling all too well. Buffets look fun but they also make me feel sick if I have too much. I’m trying to keep things simple – I stick to one life coach [yeah, that’d be you Marie]. I take what I need, and leave the rest. Amazingly though most of your Q&As tend to answer the very thoughts I’ve had bouncing around.
    By the way this episode was laugh out loud hilarious. Seriously!
    Oh and Marie, on my blog I’ve created a special page for people who’ve inspired me – and you’re there. I am so very grateful for the content that you so happily share each week.

  93. kathleen

    Whoot! Just what I needed to let go of a couple of subscriptions 🙂 Dank je wel!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Ha! Awesome. 🙂

  94. As a 12 Step person with 21 years of recovery, in the early years I thought I was going to have to join every self-help group going. Pretty soon I was going to need a self-help group to recover from self-help! Just kidding about that, but I realized the reason a person gets some self-help is to learn how to live a balance life. There’s a whole lot more to life than self-help. It’s all about the balance.

  95. This is exactly what I needed to read.
    Thank you so much!!!

  96. Marie –

    This video can only be described as serendipitous. As a personal development junkie, I’ve learned that I struggle with acceptance and vulnerability. I’m constantly working to overcome these characteristics, thinking that I’ll achieve living nirvana and it’s EXHAUSTING. I’m working towards accepting that while self-help is great, I’m fabulous the way that I am.

    I woke up this morning and thought the exact words you said in your video title … “I’m done with personal development!”. I wanted a break, I wanted to coast, I wanted to accept myself and just BE. I opened my email and your subject line almost brought me to tears.

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this post.

    • Sarah Mendoza

      That’s an awesome note Tawny. Anyone interested in self help has felt or is feeling the way you felt this morning. Just remember you are awesome and just one change at a time!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Tawny, we’re so happy to hear that. Don’t you love the timing of the Universe with its messaging?

      You’re so very welcome — take care and yes, just be huh? xo

    • Heck yes, Tawny! I feel ya!

  97. Does god/goddess take personal development courses?
    The answer is yes! God and the universe are evolving all the time.
    God evolves by incarnating as a human being on earth and learning about human existence. Does this mean god is not good enough? Not at all. It only means that even perfection can grow into greater perfection. Nothing in the universe is static.
    There is a fine line between trying to get better at something, and thinking that we are not good enough as human beings. Even if we are good enough, we can grow and evolve. We can move from one perfection to the next.
    Is it hard work to work on ourselves? Yes, yes it is. When we are older, we may reach a point when we feel that we have worked enough on ourselves.
    We then may want to rest and have sime fun. Nothing wrong with it.
    We may also realize that self growth occurs naturally, if we pay attention moment by moment to our immediate experiences. Awarness is the key. Not working on ourselves, but keeping ourselves aware. We grow by sustaining our attention moment by moment on life as it unfolds, and this is enough! The battles never stop. We just learn to accept ourselves and move better with the flow.

    • So true Gloria. I believe that continuing to learn and grow is what keeps us young. I am studying to be a coach and the catch cry we have is Green and Growing or Ripe and Rotting. I think most of us prefer to be green and growing, certainly those of us who maintain a zest for life. Knowledge enables learning, learning enables tolerance and tolerance enables peace and I think more of us would prefer that.

    • “We grow by sustaining our attention moment by moment on life as it unfolds, and this is enough!” This is brilliant, I’m writing it down! Thank you.

  98. Emma

    😀 😀 😀 You make me happy. I Loved your Waterfalls clip. 😀

  99. Hi Marie. As is often the case today’s subject is on target with what is happening around me right now. I am studying coaching and trying to build a business and many of my co-students are finding themselves in overwhelm with working, studying, many are single parents with younger families and also have other responsibilities whether that be farms, extended family etc. I know I want to know “everything” and my note to self is, I don’t need to KNOW everything. Take a breather, consider outsourcing. There are great sites these days that will prove services at competitive prices as they are not bricks and mortar. The flip side to that then we are also then giving someone else a job and therefore keeping the economy going around. I also love the reminder that when we are overwhelmed, WE made the Choice to opt in and participate. sometimes a little discernment goes a long way. I like you am a life long learner, so I NEVER think of approaching learning from a stand point of being broken. If that is why we are doing it, we might want to consider getting a personal coach to overcome those negative thought process. Thanks again for the insight. Keep it coming.

  100. Thanks Marie. You always keep it real.
    I believe we should always be a ‘work in progress’ and challenge ourselves and grow; Now, how we do it is completely up to us. We should never try and run someone else’s race, but always DO YOU!
    I’m a wife, godmother, auntie who works a full time job. I’m writing my first novel and teaching myself to write code to develop an idea I’ve had in my head for a very long time. Some days I do “mosey”‘ on my journey, but I never stop because I am always striving to be a better version of ME.

    When you know better, you do better.
    Maya Angelou

  101. I agree with you 100% Marie! I really enjoyed this episode because I’m constantly trying to improve myself and I often have to work on achieving that balance between doing enough and not doing too much. I feel like self improvement is never-ending, but that’s what’s great about it. There is always something more to be working towards. However, I do sometimes get overwhelmed and then I allow myself to take a step back for awhile. When I feel a bit like a fixer-upper, I just remind myself how far I’ve come over the years. It shifts my thinking to the positive, to how much I’ve improved or accomplished, rather than feeling discouraged by how much more I need to improve.

  102. Sarah Mendoza

    To keep from getting over whelmed, focus on one simple goal. If we look at all things we could improve, we will start to feel amazed we even have jobs, spouses and friends! But if we jay focus on one aspect we want to improve, e will get a manageable and desired dose of self help.

  103. Araylay

    Marie!
    I too went to Multnomah Falls and you forgot to mention one other way to do it … BRUNCH at the lodge. 😉
    http://www.multnomahfallslodge.com/menus/Breakfast_Menu_2015.pdf
    Different strokes!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      YES! That’s gotta be the best way to do it. 🙂

      HAHA!

  104. Personally, I don’t always like to keep up with self-help on the daily, or even consistently. Marie, I’m sorry, but sometimes I see your emails come in and I downright ignore them! If it’s just not my day or moment to get wisdom, it’s just not. Sometimes I have things to do, or sometimes I’m just thinking, “Maybe I’ll watch a makeup tutorial on You Tube instead…” Then a day like today will come along, where I’m on fire for motivation – hit me with some self-help, some inspo, let’s go on an ideas-jotting down spree! So I’ll binge watch all the episodes I’ve missed since the last time I was here. Other times I’ll hang out to get my regular weekly or daily dose. I think if you’re feeling the pressure to “get inspired” you’re not going to absorb it properly anyway, so just come back to it when you’re feeling more in the mood.

  105. Love this! You are in control is one of the best messages.

    I limit the people I subscribe to primarily so I don’t encounter this overwhelm and so I can still hear my own voice.
    But for those I do follow, I find it easy to step away from the buffet when I remember to put the things coming at me in their place. Such as: Why did I go looking for an answer? What was my question or problem? Is this newsletter important for this week? And if it’s not important right now then I let go, don’t read it, and trust that info will come back when I need it.

  106. It is always good to keep improving yourself. The sky is the limit. Stagnation kills.

  107. Claudia

    You killed it Marie!!!!!

    I like you direct language, as I too speak directly – talk about attraction rules and all that. How do I strike the balance, I trust my instinct. Yes when I am in need of inspiration I OD on a topic or two, or three because I am curious but then I stop.
    By trusting my instinct, I have learned to believe that I miss nothing. Second chances? Oh please there are many chances for all of us. I did away with the imagined pressure of using my actions to measure my identity and so my worth. I wake up feeling good, feeling alive and feeling happy.

    Look forward to next week’s vid xoxo

  108. This was a good episode. I’ve definitely felt like I spent years thinking about personal growth from my mid to late twenties until my mid thirties and now I’ve finally reached a point where I don’t feel the need to meditate (except on occasion) or read every self help article that comes my way. A big part of this happened for me because of being in a stable relationship and being satisfied with entrepreneurship. So I would say that all the soul searching eventually leads somewhere if you’re really listening to your inner voice and willing to do the inner healing work. But don’t get hooked to self help philosophising.

  109. I personally narrow it down to max 3 subjects to work on at the same time :

    – one on the “psychology” part of my own development on whatever need I may feel I have at a specific time

    – one on the “strategic” part of my business to improve it ALWAYS

    – one on something specific of my practise as a coach

    I choose one author or mentor on each at a time and once I am “done” with his work, I give it a little break to take it in and transform theory into practise before I get started on new ones.

    In the meantime, my gmail is set up to filter all of my newsletters and these which are not being sent by the mentors I am “working with” at the mo are sent into their own folders for possible later reading 😉

    Hope this helps others 😉

    Mteaptitudely yous

    Severine

    • BTW :

      – I choose the mentor on gut feeling if I feel he speaks DIRECTLY to me and my need

      – I review my newsletters in the evening for about 2 hours and do not watch TV anymore except one or 2 programms I really like each week 😉

  110. Janice

    I senced a slight condescending tone from you this week Marie. But I agree with your thoughts. I would add to that by saying when you needing a time out from self help, watch or find topics that feel good, that are interesting and inpsire you!

  111. Sudheer D. nagpurkar

    Thank you Marie,
    I am convinced with your intelligent, smart and lovely words. You have inspiring and motivating principles. I adore them with appreciation. I knew about self help now.Looking forward to the next mails and videos.
    Thanks again..

  112. Romina

    I find that stepping away from the self help buffet also helps you improve yourself. How so? For starters, it helps you think about your true motivations.
    I remembered a time ago when I was starting to learn about meditation, and I thought that I “should” do at least 30 minutes of meditation each day. Soon it became a chore, an obligation to improve and start with 30 minutes so I could then add 10 more minutes and so. Obviously, I dreaded my meditation practices!
    So I stopped it at all, and thought to myself, “Am I doing this because I want to or because I ‘should’?”. Ever since I’ve been doing meditation and trying to build a habit, but only if I feel I want to do it because it makes me feel better, not because it should make me feel better.
    Thanks Marie for bringing helpful advice and making me think about my motivations!

  113. Brilliant tweet able!

  114. Thank you Marie for empowering us to help ourselves with our self help by taking control and deciding what to do/not to do. One new thing I’m going to try to get off the guilt-trip of not doing enough is to just a lot 1-2 hours a day MAX of the activity and then when I run out, tough. Will have to wait for tomorrow’s allotment. I’ll see how that works 🙂

  115. Tammie

    This was needed this a.m.. I am taking on this challenge: to remind myself to look at my wisdom first before being on auto-pilot and going to every source out there and forgetting my own. This brought that attention is to focus this morn. Thank you !
    Tammie

  116. How do you balance your life?

    Have fun with your friends – Pay attention to your intuition – Play and more than anything, trust your inner compass since you are your own captain!

    Each week, with a few dedicated friends who want to stay tune to their inner power, we meet to eat an elaborated meal where each one of us bring a plate for our creativity to melt in our mouth:-), we sometimes play dice and have a moment where one share with the others something of their interest (a special meditation, NVC, BePeace, EFT, a movie with a powerful message, etc.). After that, we are boosted for another fun, creative and fulfilled week of transformational work, for ourselves and for others (we all have an NGO and a work load).

    Don’t forget to play Leisa! (Leiza?)

    P.S. Thank you Marie for showing up and to permit us to pursue our creative life being inspired by your work! Kudo to your team!

  117. Joy

    I enjoy partaking of the self-help that’s out there in books, Internet, workshops, etc. At the age of 60 , I am finally able to try things on and decide what fits me. I believe most ideas have worked for someone, but it’s not one size fits all. There are almost universal healthy habits and those keep popping up. I think coasting is fine as long as I’m not going backwards too far.

  118. I hear ya, Liza! I sign up for newsletters because maybe at some point I read an amazing article by the person, only to get bombarded with “Buy my book, come to my super-expensive seminar” e-mails almost daily. It’s a turn off. And most of the time it’s regurgitated old information that I’ve heard before from several other authors/speakers. I probably need to clean up my in-box myself! I feel like I go through phases with it though. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need to hear/read at the right time & other times I just filter it out because it doesn’t apply at that moment in my life. I’ve gotten better at not feeling guilty about not being the best at everything. I do the best I can but that’s all I can do.

  119. For me it’s about Stop-and-Go – giving myself ‘permission’ to disengage and engage as I determine what I need to nourish myself. It’s creating a balance between Be-ing and Do-ing. Years ago I learned to cultivate the Art of the Guilt-Free Nap…

    And sometimes when I feel myself going down a rabbit hole of investigation, information, personal growth practices, I Stop, Smile and remember Popeye’s wise words (with my added-spin): “I Yam what I Yam and that’s all that I Yam and I simply try to be the best Yam I can be!

  120. Allana Pinkerton

    This hit home! I have recently been recovering from double knee surgery so while I had all intentions of studying up on all my self help stuff, the reality was, I just needed to veg and take care of myself and get my knees back in action. That’s exactly what I did.

    Another thing I do when I start feeling overwhelmed with too much information is tailor it to short information. Little tid bits go a long way.

    Awesome video today, Marie. BTW, I suggested your videos to all the women in my office. They love you!

  121. Panto Thenic

    Overall good. There was something I disagree with Marie on: the “blame” thing. I don’t think you can say the writer was blaming the Self-Help industry, I think she was offering criticism, which many in that industry need to hear. We’re the paying customers, after all. As far as them making her feel a certain way, it’s true what Marie says, we humans can go a long way on that ourselves, but some in that industry need to take responsibility for what they put out there. Let’s face facts on something: you can make anyone feel just about anything you want, if you know how to do it, *especially* things they didn’t want to feel. and just about all of us do it to others much of the time. When you have some in the Self-Help industry constantly saying “You Suck! You Suck! Constant And Never Ending Improvement! You Just Need To Change Your Attitude!” (not Marie, some others) then at some point it’s ok to call them on their BS. Sounds like that’s all the writer was saying. Ultimately, the writer is responsible for where she goes from here, but it’s still fair to point out some of the crap that’s out there. Rest of the episode was great. Good job on the motorboat.

    • I agree. This video felt a little defensive especially in the first half and it seemed less sincere. But I do love Marie.

  122. Love this question!

    I believe it’s most important to approach personal development from a place of love. For me that means approaching personal growth from a place where I am already enough and wanting to grow for the sake of experiencing more love, more joy, being able to help more people etc. The moment we approach personal growth from a place of deficiency, fear that we are not enough or that there is something wrong with us then we are missing the point.

    When I first started doing personal growth I came from a place of lack. It took me 3 – 4 years?? to realize this and change my mindset. I think it’s a common journey that many of us experience 🙂

  123. Hi Marie,
    I appreciate so many of your words of wisdom! Sometimes I am the one running up the falls full speed and other times I am sleeping by a rock smelling the wildflowers. I am the most productive when I am able to lock into my own natural cycles and rest when I reach a plateau of accomplishment. I think those moments of coasting are both the reward for all of the hard work we’ve put into improving ourselves, and also gives us time to experience life differently and see how we want to grow next. Because once you improve yourself, your life changes and you may find your self needing different things than you originally thought when you started out…usually you find things are easier and you don’t need to work so hard at all – perhaps it just seems like coasting because you have *really* improved yourself! 🙂 After all isn’t that the goal?

  124. Tina

    Thank you, Marie for finally posting what needed to be said a long time ago!

    I felt exhausted and overwhelmed from all the content on social media some time ago and I hid and cancelled most of my subscriptions from my news feeds. Now I choose consciously what content and information I want to obtain and when I want to read or hear about it.

    Thank you for reminding me and us that it is all about OUR pace and OUR feeling of what we need and what is good for us as an individual. I loved hearing your tweet able and your perception.

    Much love, Tina

  125. Vince G.

    Marie:

    I must say that you sure have a way to communicate ! (bless you)

    Brilliant. And yes, I agree with the “is it OK to coast?”
    We all have different perspectives and ways to contribute, so ‘coast on’ as needed 🙂 )) )))

    I wish you well,
    Vince G.

  126. Yolanda Pazdera

    I really enjoyed the video about taking a break. I wish I could have enough time and money to subscribe to all that’s out there to motivate and take me to the next level, but I can’t, so I take time to listen and watch and see how I can incorporate some of this wisdom into my daily living. I confess some of the stuff is overwhelming to me, especially the social media category, which I’m very ignorant about.
    The bottom line is: Practically everything works if you work it. I just don’t have the time and energy at this point of my life to work on all the aspects I should’ve worked on 30 years ago. I’m not putting myself down, just being realistic. Thank you for allowing me to share and do keep me on your mailing list. Regards

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      So true, Yolanda, and there’s so much gratification that can come from checking something off that you’ve had on your list for years, but know you aren’t going to or don’t want to do or work on. That was a lovely thing Arianna Huffington shared in her interview with Marie a while back.

  127. Tami

    First off…what! you were in Portland? Did I miss a special event or workshop?
    I have hiked mult falls many times (I think there is some sort of native Oregonian rule that says we have to hike at least a dozen times before we hit puberty). During my hikes (due to that puberty rule) I have seen many people, native and tourists, all hiking the different trails, in their own way (some have a way of hiking in high heels.) and everyone still gets to the point they are reaching. So, self-help is the same way. Many trails, many ways. All heading towards the point we are reaching for, our higher self. I do feel, we should step back a little and do a little coasting, to allow the helping of self integrate into our being. And perhaps during that coasting, figure out which trails are still leading us in the direction we want to go, and which aren’t. The ones we don’t need to hike anymore, we can mark the trail as complete. .

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Love the trails analogy, Tami! And don’t worry, you didn’t miss an event or workshop, Marie was there for her stepson’s graduation.

  128. Nadia Rodriguez

    Thank you for your advise it was what I was looking for because my self I feel overloaded with self growth topics and to kind relax I just let it sink in relax and enjoy my favorite movie , music or even YouTubers I admire. Because at the end of the day what matters the most is to enjoy life and be happy (:

  129. Leigh

    I do feel that there are times when I need to take a break from the personal growth effort and just process the work I’ve been doing. Stepping away from classes, webinars, task lists and processes for a bit and allowing that change in perspective sink in and become the “new normal” for me. It’s just a balance between taking things in and letting things surface. Everyone is different and not every program is for everyone, so I am also choosy about what I take in. It’s really important to check in and feel what really resonates versus what is not for me. Always remembering, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Leigh, that’s such a great point about being choosy about what you take in. There’s so much stuff out there, but finding those things that truly resonate on a deep level is definitely the best way to go.

  130. Djuro

    Personal development for a small percentage of people takes a lifetime.
    Personally, I’m part of that percentage.
    I personally like improvement in the areas that I like, that I have the capacity, which allows me to acquire new knowledge and insights of which a good part should also bring me a safer, richer and more beautiful life.

    Besides, I can help other people and share with them my knowledge and experience as the most important element of personal improvement.

    If our personal development is the enjoyment, then that is the best formula.
    Certain interruptions and breaks are desirable but personally I do not do as much as it would be desirable.

  131. Another make-my-day Tuesday video. Two thoughts to add here:
    1. This past January, I came down with something like a cough. I kept going. Three days later, it was like my mind could focus on nothing else but getting a really good satisfying cough (er..productive cough, if you will). I mean, this was my whole day was trying to cough it out until it went away. I remember sitting on my couch attempting to continue my self-help book when my mind said, “No. Must only focus on getting deep breath.” When I realized my mind refused to function, I went to the walk-in. I had pneumonia! The doctor said rest, take this med, and do nothing for 7-10 days, and I decided to take all 10 days! I didn’t need self-help, I needed to listen to my body and just stop. It was…..awesome.
    2. Summer of Tears, Year 2000. I fell into a depression that summer for reasons you could easily guess if we had the time. I plunged waist-deep into self-help books, loving every minute of it….until…I was feeling so much pressure to make sure I used the self-help tools. Then I came across this book called Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work, an obscure book someone mentioned on a website. I loved the title, got the book. In that book, it basically says stop working on yourself — it whittles it all down to two things. 1. Lose the need to be right, you’ll find your joy. And 2. Be aware that this can all end at any moment, and every moment does end, and you’ll find your courage, your peace, and your love for you. (like The Power Of Now before its time.)
    It’s especially hard being a mom to a 9 and 11 year old and losing the need to be right, but once I do it, I remember that book and give it a secret wink. Oh, and it works for when your mom visits, too!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Wonderful share, Kelly. Thank you! 🙂

  132. Often I hear these words from my friends and family back home. Whereas I’ve been feeling this spiritual journey-esk lifestyle here in CA, its not really understood by many of them back in Belvidere, IL.

    I just keep telling myself that “I am exactly where I need to be”. This seems to calm me. I’ve realized that I cannot assume that everyone will understand my path – which is why it is mine. I also notice very quickly if the words I’m hearing or reading are not for me. I simply don’t think like everyone and that’s okay. Like you said turn it off. Or motorboat your way on through it.

    I believe that our lives are in fact in our own hands. Choose to listen or choose to tune out – both are okay.

    Great Video! As always – love button!

  133. Marybeth Murray

    Hi Marie & Team,
    I loved this episode, but I loved that dress even more! Can you tell me where I can find it?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Marybeth! I’m not sure where this dress came from in particular, as Marie has a stylist who picks out her outfits, but she usually picks out things from ASOS, Bar III from Macy’s, and H&M, so those might be good places to check!

  134. Ok, I confess…this has been me the last 2 years. However, once I made the decision that I needed to STOP and actually DO something, things are progressing. YAY me 🙂

    Love you Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Woohoo! Nice work, Melinda. I think you made a wise decision. It’s so easy to take in new inspiring things and add self-improvement tasks to our to do lists, but that can get overwhelming at times and make us feel like we’re way behind when we’re really not. It’s so refreshing to get things done before taking in new info, sometimes.

  135. Great episode! I love your take on life.
    To answer the question I’m still pretty young, so I’m enjoying working on myself. A lot of this is still quite new to me and so very exciting.
    But there are days that it feels a little tiring. I know when I need a break from non-fiction books and I switch to a good story. I usually switch between reading a fiction book and a non-fiction book to give my mind a break from all the learning.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Aahley! I think that’s a really smart thing. Sometimes our minds need a fun break.

  136. I’ve lived a life of constant change and quite frankly enjoy the challenge. I have never thought I was broken, until reading this. Gulp…

    But, seriously this is a personal project, and I’d like to think I’m not influenced by keeping up with other peoples expectations.

    I try to avoid mainstream advertising for that exact same reason. Marketers have a way of getting inside your head.

    There’s a product idea for you. A two-week retreat, no advertising, healthy eating and sensible learning. A general feel good experience or is it not niche enough?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re not broken at all! If you enjoy living in constant change, follow your heart and do just that. This video is meant to encourage people who are feeling overwhelmed by an ever-growing personal development to-do list that there’s not anything wrong with them and they’re doing just fine. Change can be a beautiful thing, and if you’re enjoying it, then follow your heart and keep rolling with it. 🙂

  137. I like to remind myself to take a look back over my shoulder every now and then to see how far I’ve already come. This calms me down and makes me proud, and I can give myself a high five, coast and celebrate for a while, before going on my next self-help adventure. 🙂

    Thanks for a great episode! 🙂

  138. The way I strike a balance NOW is by listening to my intuition. I used be a student AND work for a personal development company so for 6 years I was immersed In the self-help culture. It was a great culture to be with with very positive people yet I begAn to see a shift from a desire to grow to a desperation for change in the people we were attracting to our programs and it became toxic to me.

    Spending a year and a half applying all the tools quickly made me realize which tools worked for me, which ones didn’t and which tools I didn’t even have! I am finally emerging into a place where my need to improve has been replaced by a desire to learn and grow specific areas of my life. My general interests no longer include every speaker I have ever worked with, rather now it’s down to a few I actually enjoy following. I will begin following health teachers and if after a few months I realize I’m not into their stuff, I unsubscribe. I don’t feel guilty about saying No to things that no longer interest me or just don’t fire me up.

    The part I really love about emerging into this new place is I now have space to support what my circle of friends are doing…there was a time when I didn’t like or follow them because I felt they weren’t ‘up there’ with all the pedestal people I was following. (It’s been really nice to be humbled and back in touch with myself!)

    I love coasting because I am still learning. All that juicy info is still mingling and mixing in my being. It’s kind of like a salad spinner; get it all wound up so that when it does slow down all the good stuff can be used easily and the rest has been sifted/spun out! 😉

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It sounds like you have a really healthy approach to taking in new self-help info! It sounds like you’re doing what’s best for you and it’s not stressing you out. I love what you shared about not feeling guilty about unsubscribing and saying no. As Marie says, “If it’s not a HELL YES, it’s a no.” 🙂

  139. Omgoodness, thanks for the timely video! Yes, yes, yes! I’ve been taking a break all week from taking in new information. Doing the work thang and a few other minor necessities after work. It’s a great way to recharge when I’m not fully into taking a vacation mode. It was awesome to make some time with girlfriends to celebrate with wine and dinner for all the accomplishments that my little group has made. Keep knocking it out of the park Marie! Happy Friday from Montana ?

  140. Self development NEVER ends! We always continue to grow.

  141. I recently went through a self help over load! I started to discover all these wonderful people I could follow, so I signed up for a ton of new newsletters. Most of them had AMAZING content, but some of it just didn’t feel relevant to me at this time in my life. Others felt like a bit of a chore to keep up with. So, I unsubscribed from some, and now pay close attention to just a few.

    That feeling of not being enough though – that comes from me. I seek guidance, because sometimes I get lost on my own moseying path through the woods! LOL

  142. I feel it. Sometimes no matter what you do, it doesn’t feel like you’re doing enough, being enough, selling enough, striving for enough etc…
    I’ve been in the same boat with my business lately, so I’ve decided that maybe I need to step back once a week, and do something brainless…a day of relaxation, otherwise I’m going to run myself completely out of energy (which is happening now), so I’ve decided to have a video games day! Yay! It’s gonna be on Sunday, and I will do whatever I please on that day – after all it’s the original day off in God’s book!
    So there it is…it’s my way to deal with it! 🙂

    • just to clarify: I love reading self improvement materials and striving to be better, but it’s also good like Marie said to take a step back. Great video Marie, thanks for your wisdom.

  143. Marie! I’m glad you had the opportunity to visit my hometown. Portland is amazing. I am definitely a life-long learner and love to acquire more knowledge; however, there are times when I do take breaks. Or, I seem to outgrow a certain resource as I move on in my journey and that resource is no longer one of my tools. I was on a journey to discover my passion. Now that I have done that, I can discard some of those early tools and move on.

    I see it like a distillation process. You start with a lot of raw material, and as you move through the process, you distill it down to the good stuff and figure out what works. Right now, you are one of those resources for me. People like Todd Henry, Chris Guillebeau, Julia Cameron, Brene Brown. Those people speak to me over and over again and so I don’t need to chase after self-improvement, I know what works for me. I’m open to new things, sure, and I might give them a try. But if it isn’t a good fit, away it goes. I am very selective in what I give my time to, because it is valuable. And now that I know what my focus is, which is writing, traveling and photography, it makes it easy for me to figure out what works best and stick to those.

    Thank you so much for always being an inspiration to us. And thank you to those behind the scenes, for making everything look so flawless.

    Jenna

  144. What if I say that… sometimes resting in itself is also a self-improving tool? =P

    I mean. One of the most interesting things I learned from the book “My Stroke of Insight”, about the stroke suffered by the neurologist Jill Bolte Taylor, is that giving to your brain time to just sleep strengthens its self-healing biological mechanisms. While recovering, she spent just a few hours per day awake, with therapy or study or just doing nothing, and then she’d sleep for 18 hours or more. That was her brain making her sleep to use the sleeping time to get better.

    And I think today that that’s actually a great advice for us. As we absorb SO MUCH information every dammity day, we get to a point in which our brains is so exhausted that they just can’t work anymore, not appropriately.

    So it seems really important to give ourselves some time to coast – it’s not stopping to improve, it’s setting up what we have already done.

  145. Lissette

    Thank you! For this Q&A and all previous ones. Marie Forleo and Team Forleo are awesome. This video is just what I needed to hear and reading all the comments so far have been an eye opener, thanks to the community as well.

    Personally, what I have observed this year is that balance and patience (friends I’m getting reacquainted with) are a big part of personal development. When I ignore my intuition, go overboard with the self help buffet…the ‘rebel’ in me comes out and I binge on junk food or Netflix or both.

    Hope this makes sense, but now I catch myself sooner when I start overdoing the TV or junk food as a sign that I need to re-evaluate my goals on personal development, either by trimming them down or re-accessing the methods to get there. Usually a good reminder to plan rewards along with the goals.

    I’ll work on using my coasting time to absorb the lessons from the self help buffet and recognize/enjoy all I have accomplished.

  146. I have learned much self-help but it comes and stays never quite disappearing yet receding more when it becomes necessary to INTEGRATE the learnings.
    People need to remember Brene Brown’s, “I’m imperfect and I’m enough.” We are sooo good at beating up on our ourselves.
    In sum, we could all benefit from listening to our bodies and the flow of what we need, sometimes more, sometimes less self improvement.

  147. Hi Marie and MF followers!

    Congratulations on another great episode.

    I view “self help” as personal development – it is an on going, lifelong process however too my emphasis on watching/reading takes away from actually “doing” (which I think MF speaks about in another episode). I feel it is good to balance the two because personal growth can also be achieved through travel, challenging oneself to grow/start a business, start playing a new sport.

    Marie, thank you for being you – your episodes are always uplifting and have been very inspirational since I discovered you at the beginning of this year! Keep doing what you do (particularly Q &A Tuesday)!

    Kind regards
    Belinda

  148. Michele

    OMG!!!!! She totally said we can just motorboat the self-help culture all day long!!! Bahahahahahahahahaha!!! I loved Marie before this but now that love has transcended to a new level. Thanks for keeping it real, yo!

  149. Kathleen

    Hi Marie and MF followers,
    Fabulous episode!! Thank you for the topic (and the cave men, loved the Hair Flip!!), as always, so pertinent and timely. And thank you all for the great responses here, I learn so much!
    I really love all the learning available to me, through the Internet, books,audio, courses, etc. I believe it is all gift and blessing. However, to keep a sense of balance in my life, I’ve learned to choose things I’m really drawn to from a sense of love, kindness, and excitement, rather than a sense of urgency (i.e., I “NEED” this to complete me).
    I’ve also learned I need time and space to process new learning, apply it to me, let the information breathe in my life. This amount of time varies greatly, depending on the profundity, depth, and scope of the information. I trust that I’ll know when it’s done, and be guided, and I always am.
    Thank you Marie, and all.
    Xox K

  150. Stephanie

    The comments on this video are gold! Thanks everyone 🙂

    Like other people said, it’s all about balance. Most of the time, I read a couple books, watch somes videos and take notes for a while THEN I take a break from that to give me time to integrate those new things that I learned.

    That was a great question 🙂

  151. Mee

    I’m just going to comment on the part about seeing personal development as some sort of fixer upper project. I feel that if you look at the process of personal development as really remembering who you are and getting back to that place of being the pure you, you don’t see yourself as someone that needs ‘fixing’ or is ‘broken’. All that you have done over the years is developed patterns and habits to deal with the misperceptions that were created when you were young. As you got older and your life situation changed, and you learned more, you realize those patterns are no longer serving you and that is when you see conflict and struggle in your life. Take for example, children who have been abused. When they become adults and there is no one beating on them, if they haven’t changed their interpersonal response patterns that they used when they were children to keep them safe, it will cause conflict because those patterns are no longer appropriate as adults. So it’s about remembering the innocence of who they were before they felt they had to create the response patters to keep them safe as children. That part of them still exists… just remember it, uncover it and celebrate it.

  152. Hi Marie,

    This is the first time I’ve been on your website, and I have to say I chose a good post and video to start with! I constantly feel like Lysa from the question; I build myself up with self-improvement then break and crash back down because it’s been overwhelming. Hearing that it’s okay to coast and good to listen to myself was a great reassurance! Thanks for sharing!

    Jess

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Welcome to our world, Jess! We’re so glad you found your way to our site, and that this episode gave you some reassurance.

  153. This is great stuff Marie. I had to learn the hard way that it’s okay to have that coasting time. I’m 65 and I’ve always seen growth and change as an integral part of my life. Heck, I moved to Germany when I was 23 and made all kinds of creative lives for myself for the 35 years i lived there. However, when I moved all the way to New Zealand 7 years ago it began to be a ‘push for survival’ rather than just self improvement and I tried to do something that my heart just wasn’t into. That along with all kinds of other stress ended up in a nasty encounter with breast cancer – a hard message to receive. Since then I have learned the value of ‘liminality’ (the condition of being on a threshold or at the beginning of a process) and coasting. It hasn’t been easy, but so far it’s been very creative and worth while. Thank you for this, Marie.
    Best,
    Jade

  154. HI Marie,

    I love this video because I feel like I have taken too many self-helpings at the “banquet” and over-gorged. Now I am trimming down the waste in my email inbox overload. I have listened, read and followed many to learn and be aware. I am a big fan of both you and Kris Carr who I continue to subscribe and follow. But I am bidding adieu to a few others whose “self-help” missives read more like they are self-selling more than anything. I’m turning down the noise to better hear my own “voice” and giving it clarity and plan to write about this soon on my Huffington Post blog. Peace Love and Fabulous!- Melanie Young For you: Self-help should consumed in moderation with time to digest information and savor the results @mightymelanie #fearlessfabulousyou

  155. Wonderful episode! Just like you said Marie – sometimes the best help is realizing you don’t need any!

    I personally used a lot of self help to discover myself. Now that this is complete, I’ve lowered the amount of self help I am paying attentio to and think of it like vitamins.

    Just like one shouldn’t wait to get sick so he starts his Vitamin C, people shouldn’t wait until they lose themselves before turning to some self help source. Balance is the absolute master key to all riches in life, both spiritual and materialistic.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Nina. Balance is everything! That’s so important because sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

  156. This is so recognizable. Last weekend I had an intense two-days training, which was very inspiring and fun. When I got home the first day I suddenly got very noxious, so I immediately turned to bed for a rest thinking it had to do with the food I ate or something. After a quarter it calmed down a bit, but I felt weird whole night. Next day after the training almost the same thing happened, only this time already in the tram back home. I kind of realized that it had to be the stress or excitement taking over, so this time I started focusing on my breathing and used some meditation tricks to ease myself. It luckily helped!

  157. Dennise Kowalczyk

    Once again, so much good stuff, Marie TV team! I understood Eliza’s point of view of a sense of feeling overwhelmed AND Marie’s reminder that we get to choose what we want to do (aka self-compassion when you choose to mozie and not sprint.) 🙂

    Thank you!
    PS I live in Portland, OR — were you here on vacation or business, Marie?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Dennise! Marie was in Portland for her stepson’s graduation — it sounds like she had such an amazing time there! 🙂

  158. Again good and sound advice…should be understood and followed! Yes! Yes! Yes!

  159. There’s nothing wrong with stopping and stooping down to pick up a flower…to each his own! Thumbs up!

  160. Karine

    Thank you for the tip…

  161. Stephanie Currie

    Great response Marie 🙂
    Personally speaking, I tend to only focus on what feels right to me at the time. It’s constantly changing!

    For example, in my early 20s I read a ton of books on how to change the world and how to set my life up for success. Although these themes are still relevant to me, now in my early 30s, I am focusing on other types of ‘personal development’ such as spiritual growth and gardening!

    We should never feel like we aren’t enough and your answer helped to remind us & clarify that. Growth and development in areas we choose is always a positive thing….but so is the timing and reasons behind what’s compelling us to seek it out in the first place.

    Do whatever you gotta do to cultivate joy! You certainly resonate that which is why I’m a fan!

    Thanks 🙂

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