Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Do you ever feel invisible sometimes? Like your opinion doesn’t matter or what you have to say goes largely ignored?

If your head is nodding yes, I think you’ll really appreciate today’s episode of MarieTV. And honestly…

Communicate powerfully and you’ll be taken seriously. Click To Tweet

Even if you feel pretty darn good about your communication skills, there’s always a next level. I mean, I communicate for a living and I’m always catching little habits and patterns to change.

In today’s show, learn five reasons why you and your ideas might not be taken seriously and easy fixes that’ll make a lasting difference.

As I shared in the show, this list isn’t exhaustive but it’s a solid start in the right direction. Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever struggled to be taken seriously? What specific change in your communication or approach made the biggest impact?

Tell me about it in the comments below.

Remember to do your best to share as much detail as you can because as thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may just be what someone else needs to have a breakthrough.

Especially with today’s topic, my hope is that we can get a pretty diverse list going that’ll help us all communicate more clearly and powerfully.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. may be deleted as they can come across as spammy.

One more thing on this topic.

Throughout my career I’ve had loads of people not take me seriously. (Still happens to this day.) Sometimes it’s because I’m a woman. Sometimes it’s because closed minded people believe that someone who laughs and dances and makes goofy jokes can’t possibly have a serious side, too.

My point is this.

Your ideas matter. Your voice deserves to be heard.

While it’s true that some people aren’t going to listen to you no matter how great of a communicator you are, it’s vital that you take responsibility for what you can control.

That includes ensuring that you’re doing everything in your power to communicate powerfully and effectively to those you most wish to serve.

Thank you for watching, reading and sharing. Each week, you make my world and I am so deeply grateful for that.

P.S.  If someone in your life struggles to be taken seriously, please send them this video. It might be the spark of insight they need to move a project powerfully ahead!

With love,

XO

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244 comments

  1. Great tips. Luckily, when I speak up, people tend to listen. I think part of that comes from the fact that I only speak when I have something of value to say.

    When I have been ignored, it’s been in male dominated settings. I have to consciously assert myself by using an assertive voice and confident posture-even if I’m jelly inside. 🙂

    • Funny, Emelia, I have the opposite problem. I am usually taken seriously with men, but in groups of women, I get ignored. I grew up in a family of power-centered women who didn’t let men steam roller them, but that left the feminine side of me a little lacking, unfortunately. I’ve had to learn how to interact with women differently. I can now be more laid back, which was something I never experienced growing up.

      • Interesting pov you do not hear often (being heard by men but having to adapt to female environment). I can see how that could happen. Enjoyed the message (5 Things)!

      • Right on Lisa Robbins Young I have the same problem. I tend to get taken serious with men however in group setting of women I get ignored for my ideas and know it was due to how I was raised. I have a close relationship with my father and inherited those values of never quit and challenge the status quo! I’m also nurturing and loving and getting back to that place. The place of ease and femininity.

    • I love the fact that you said “I only speak when I have something of value to say”. Excellent tactic. People are then trained to know that when you voice yourself it has great significance.

    • Sonique

      Emelia I am the same way! At work when I speak up – since I’m not really into small talk, people really listen to me. I feel as though I have a captive audience. One of the benefits of being relatively softspoken.

      But at work but in a relaxed group conversation when I’m trying to come out of my shell a bit, I feel like my comments fall on dead ears. We will be having a group conversation and I just can’t seem to find the right time to chime in with my comments. Because sometimes when I do chime in it’s like no one hears me. Everyone is talking out of turn in chaotic fashion but somehow they are able to say what they want to say, but I just don’t get the timing right in certain group settings. This further reinforces my tendency to stay in the background. I prefer one to one conversation or a conversation with no more than 4 people.

      • eli

        what i have noticed is that groups of people do different things because they have a common interest. some shout loudly in a group conversation, some talk quietly to each other, some play football, some sing in choirs, if yoru a person you likes to talk in pairs,and doesnt like to talk in big groups, then thats your thing. you can try standing on the foot ball feild all you like but if you dont really get in there and kick the ball your not going to join the game. and it is like a game. it really is. some of what you say is a little important, but mainly its how you say it that matters, and how loudly you laugh at yoru own jokes. lord i dont knwo the rules to be honest, i just know that if you want to learn something, any cooperative group game you have to get in there. if its singing in a choir, or football or group chatting, you have to give it a good kick, a good belting laaaaa…or a good loud statement. if you just whisper or you just kiss the ball, or you whisper nobody is going to pat you on the back for your contribution to the game. but you can ask for help, you can show your ineptitude and confusion and give it a try, the worse that happens is you sing the wrong note, you do an own goal, or you may something stupid and everyone adjusts their body position slightly away from you locking you off the pitch.. its harsh. but if you show up with yoru boots and your kit ready to try and eager to be part of it, then you will be playing on an even pitch eventually. or you may decide its not that improtant. which its not btw! i mean we dont beat ourselves up for all teh games we dont play. so why beat ourselve sup for not playing verbal tennis? its just an activity. like any other. if its not your bag. then thats cool! 🙂 thats my experience anyway.

    • I am really funny and use it for everything in life, it is not that I don’t take life seriously, but people don’t understand that. So my strategy is to use my “gift” in specific moments like: breaking the ice with a shy crowd, to soften an awkward situation, when loosing an audience (if I am explaining/hosting something), for kids. With my family and friends I’m able to be funny 24/7, but with the rest of the world I am really selective when turning into Chris Rock.

    • I couldn’t agree more Emeila, it’s all about the value.

      We all have people in our lives that are better to discuss certain topics with – small talk, serious talk or just plain hilarious. I’ve got it sussed on who to go to when I need a certain type of chat.

      I’ve never been a small talker really, but once my son started school, I had to sharpen up this skill quick. All the stay-at-home mums were professionals. They’ve taught me a lot!

      Naomi

    • Pam

      Great tips! I’m an introverted person and have a similar problem being listened to or taken seriously. I will definitely try these ideas.

    • Renna L

      This is great, thanks! I just went through a situation where I had created something that I thought was pretty great, had spent a lot of time researching and developing it, only to be steamrolled by an executive who hardly listened to the reasons why I made the thing the way it was! A week later, and I am still angry about it and totally avoiding re-doing it!
      Any advice for what to do when you KNOW you’re right (like, absolutely know. It’s not an egotistical thing), but you’re told you’re wrong? I typically only speak up when I have something important to say, so it’s very hard to have my words completely disregarded by someone who doesn’t totally know what they’re talking about. Not sure how to negotiate this one.

  2. I jokingly call it ‘the masculine approach’ – it’s giving it to someone straight. It’s what helped me get taken more serious by more people, because they know exactly what I’m saying or trying to achieve!

  3. SUCH a great and timely video, Marie!

    I definitely struggle to communicate effectively in both my business and personal life. I was even a victim of using “I…., but…” and causing some problems with my hubby just last night! I will definitely swap but for and as often as possible from now on!

    And just this past week I have witnessed the power of communicating a simple message in my business.

    On Thursday, I went from a website with a beautiful design and three main offerings to just ONE. To say that was scary is a HUGE understatement. But the result has been something truly unexpected. I’ve had more client leads in the first 4 days with my “boring” sales page than I normally get in a whole month!

    I’m sure I can make the copy on that page even clearer, but the lesson here is huge.

    Clear communication really is a game changer! I will definitely use your tips to bring mine to the next level.

    Thank you 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Catherine, that’s great to hear about the power of communicating a simple message in your business. Love that you’re getting so many new leads that way!

    • Catherine, that’s awesome! I’m wanting to simplify myself, so hearing your story is very inspiring.

  4. Chase

    The biggest thing that help me get taken more seriously was I slowed down how fast I talk. I grew up the youngest of a big family so I always had to talk quickly to get a word in edgewise. The problem was that it translates to “what I’m saying doesn’t matter.” So I trained myself to slow down and take more meaningful pauses when I talk. I seem to be taken more seriously, or at least I take myself more seriously!

    • Helen

      Chase,
      Your strategy is spot on. I, too, grew up in a large family and rushed my speech so that I could be part of a conversation. It’s when I became an ESL teacher that I had to remember to slow waaaay down.

      Another technique that I learned was to end my sentences on a lower intonation. When I was in my 20s, my speech often sounded like questions with my voicing rising at the end of my sentences. I heard a recording of my voice once and was shocked to discover that the childish sounding voice was mine. When I modulated the tone of my voice I found that more people paid attention.

    • Very true. Slowing down what I am saying actually forces the person I’m talking to follow all my words carefully. Nothing is usually missed when you’re speaking at a slower pace. I can see a lot of things being missed in a conversation when someone is speaking really fast.

    • This is such a fabulous tip Chase and I’m glad it’s worked for you. I too have consciously focused on slowing down how fast I talk, and have found it very helpful too.

  5. Demiera

    Once again, wonderful post Marie!

    I had a bad habit of firing off half-baked answers to questions, especially when I’m speaking with a fast talker (or someone who expects me to have an answer quickly). To ease the resulting anxiety, I started taking a brief pause before answering a question or offering an idea.

    It worked! People are a lot more receptive to my ideas and proactively will come to me for advice. And I’m far more comfortable sharing how I feel, knowing that I’m not just running off at the mouth.

    Now I have to work on using too many big words. Sometimes I can’t help it…I read a lot and like to use what I learn! 😀

    • Demiera – thanks for sharing this tip. I have this habit too! (I’m a fast talker anyway and pair me up with another fast talker and well, it all goes WAY too fast!)

      I’m going to learn to take that pause and really think about what I’m saying.

      Thanks Marie too for your fabulous 5 tips. Taking them all on board. 🙂

    • That reminds me of this; “Talking is like playing on the harp; there is as much in laying the hands on the strings to stop their vibration as in twanging them to bring out their music.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes.

  6. Hi Marie, I too had this problem earlier. A few years back. The issue at that time was I was trying to fit into a conservative culture and traditional looks, that other Indian girls practiced. Whereas I am a total rebel and a leader. Cannot take anything wrong done against me or anybody else close to me.
    The result, misunderstandings, criticizms, total communication mishaps.
    I am happy I am back again MYSELF!! Yaayyyy….
    No communication problems now. Yes one thing I have been doin, I have cut-down on my communication(social media and unnecessary). I don’t try to appear chattery when I am feeling like a calm goose. As I am very much “talk only what’s important” type of girl. Yes people do have complains, yet I am happy. This is Me!!
    🙂 Thank you for sharing this lovely episode.

  7. “yes, and” has been a life (and business) saver for me.

    I learned early in life that “but” basically means “forget everything I just said, here comes what I REALLY mean…” and then people shut down and ignore everything else you say (or they go on the defensive and start planning their counter attack, instead of really listening).

    By using “yes, and” I validate others and keep them open to hearing my point of view. It even works with my husband. 🙂

    • I’ve heard the switching to “yes, and” argument before but never understood how that would actually work. This video and your comment really demonstrated that well and I’m totally going to try it from now on!

    • I loved this tip too, and am most definitely going to be more conscious of where and how I use ‘but’ in the future!

  8. Holly Frye

    Get buy-in first. As in “Can I share my idea with you?” Then pause and get agreement. It builds anticipation and makes sure everyone at the table is looking at you before you begin. It gives you control of the situation instead of just sounding like you are adding to the confusion.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Awesome tip, Holly. Love that approach!

  9. Hi Marie- love this video! You always share great wisdom, and this hit home with me. One of the best changes I made was to lower my voice. I use to speak in a higher voice and I think it projected girly weakness. Lowering my voice and adding a little projection was a small tweak that IS finally becoming more authentic.

    • I love this Kimberly. I have personally been consciously working on the opposite – speaking a little louder, with more projection and clearer enunciation – especially when talking about complex topics!

  10. Im 13, and I teach people how to start their creative biz. I want to be taken seriously, but I’m afraid that because I’m a kid, no one will take my advice seriously.

    • Lisa Mckenna

      Sacia you’re 13, WOW! What an inspiration you are for young girls. As a mom of a 10yr old girl, I’m so happy to hear there are young ladies like yourself paving the way to instill confidence in our next generation! I’ve owned a creative business for 25yrs and am always looking to youthful inspirations. You can be heard, just by the fact that I bet no one is doing what you are doing — send out press releases, blog away, tweet with reckless abandon, get that YouTube channel running! Wishing you the best! Lisa

    • Elizabeth

      Sacia it’s the body language and facial cues you put out that people respond to, some people have no respect for others and will show it. Your age has nothing to do with it. They are like un-trained dogs and since your are in the leader position (you’re teaching a class) you have to adjust your body language to show that you are in charge. While you’re teaching if you sense someone isn’t taking you seriously and they become disruptive change your body language. Straighten your shoulders make your face as none responsive as possible and drop your voice. This is a technique I read about in a manual for school teachers. It’s very similar to dog training. When you do that, the person will loose interest because they aren’t getting the intended response. Don’t worry about the amount of people that you’re teaching, as more and more people realize the value of what you’re doing the right people will start attending your classes. Don’t worry about the people that are rude because they are not that important, concentrate your efforts on the people that are happy to have you teach them and appreciate what you’re doing.

      When I was 12 years old, I started making and selling clothes to the kids at school. A store in the town I lived in saw a dress I made and started ordering them. By the time I was 13 years old, that dress was a best seller. I had a waiting list and had to hire someone to keep up with the demand. At no time was anyone every rude or disrespectful to me because of my age. The lady that worked for me was very grateful for the extra income that helped her family.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Sacia, you sound like an amazing young woman! I think that if you’re confident in your advice (which it absolutely sounds like you are), then other people will be confident in it, too.

      Everyone goes through periods where we feel like we aren’t taken seriously, but that doesn’t mean you should stop. In fact, I think you sound so incredible that you should keep doing your thing no matter what!

    • Hey Sacia,

      I can totally relate to you here. I myself was only 12 years old when I started my first business. People may not take you seriously at first. But once you start building your own portfolio, and slowly build your reputation, people will completely forget about your age.

      Dan

  11. Thanks for yet another encouraging video! One thing I’ve learned with communication is not to put myself down by adding the dumb disclaimer before I speak. Another is to back up my opinion as well, so if someone says “why do you feel that way?” or “why do you think this suggestions will work?” I can back it up.

    • This also randomly made me think of the “Sorry” disclaimer.. i.e. “I’m sorry to interrupt but..” I usually apologize for something that I haven’t done wrong. I wonder if this is also a disclaimer we can eliminate that would add to people taking us more seriously.

      • Yes! We need to remove that word from our vocabulary unless we actually did make a mistake we need to apologize for! I’ve found myself using the word “sorry” for no reason at all. We have to remember it’s not a conversation starter.

  12. Emily Rose

    I’ve always been quiet and shy. I was that girl who would hide behind my mom’s leg when I was little so that I didn’t have to speak to people. I was “lucky” that I had a brother who liked to talk enough for both of us. Over the last five years, I’ve been working on not only finding my truth but also finding my voice. As I’m starting to speak up more, I’m committing a lot of the “what not to do” in the video, so this is really good for me to hear. I worked in a male dominated field for 10 years, so I just chalked me not being heard up to them being guys and not listening. Now I’m realizing that I wasn’t speaking up in the best way to be fully heard. I’m going to start speaking up more and practicing some of the examples given in the video. Thank you so much for sharing this Q&A! I have gotten something out of every video of yours that I’ve watched. I’m so grateful that you’re here and grateful that I have a friend who loves me enough to share things like this. ❤️❤️❤️

  13. This is really great. I am guilty of these poor communication styles from time to time, so thank you for offering up better solutions!!!

    I have found that when I am present and listen to others first before offering up my ideas that go over much better.

  14. Hi Marie
    I love your Tuesday videos! I was wondering if you did a print out of the main points each week as I would love to pin some of them on my wall when I am working.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Sue, we don’t create print-outs, but you could always take notes and pop them up on your wall as a lovely reminder! 🙂

      • Hi Sue, I made a sketchnote of the key take-aways. You can find it at @freelancepants on Twitter. Feel free to email me if you would like the a PDF version to print out.

        Best,
        Minh

  15. Hi Marie,
    As an expert on personal and professional authority — I must say, you hit the nail on the head with this one!
    Women apologize so much without even realizing it.
    One slightly counter-intuitive thing I would add, is that in order to get others to take you more seriously, it helps to take yourself less seriously.
    Of course, you need to know that your perspective, contributions and creativity are valuable and important, but humor, and a lighthearted (but not flippant) approach to contributing your wisdom — even as you persist in order to get attention — is endearing and will draw others to you. You model that very well.
    Warmly,
    Blair

    • Blair,

      Totally agree; love your input:)

      Daryna

  16. Hi Marie… Great episode! For me the biggest thing I remind myself of… is to ground myself, breathe deep, calm strong body language, and direct eye contact. Fidgeting conveys intimidation. Believing in myself and what I have to say is important too… otherwise it is not worth saying.

  17. Hi Marie,
    Such a great episode! Thanks.
    I would love to hear ideas and tips how to keep the same composure via e-mail.
    For example I am trying to reach shoe buyers. I
    Call I research even get big important people e-mails.
    Then it comes, my e-mail and I rarely hear back.
    Actually I did hear once and I sold my first collection recently,
    So would love to hear how to compose a strong letter to interest buyers.
    Monika

  18. Hello Marie,

    I am an artist and teacher and this discussion about powerful communication is a very important one, especially for girls and women. As a society we need to teach girls and women to use their voice as a powerful activating tool for change. The best way to do this is by modelling it in everyday life both professionally and personally. Love the suggestions here.
    Warmly,
    Tristesse

  19. Gloria

    Definitely going to apply all the advice from today’s episode. I do not only use the “dumb disclaimer”, I am constantly saying “sorry” or “excuse me”. I guess I feel like I am annoying someone with my perspective or point of view.
    Though I am a serious knocker, I never give my opinion when is not asked. When people do ask me, they tend to listen to me, because I am not force-feeding them my opinion.

  20. Thanks a lot for all these valuable tips, Marie! I specially liked the ones about follow-up emails. I’m constantly contacting busy clients that forget to send me feedback in order to get me going and I often feel like they could be annoyed by receiving those emails. Now I have some new ideas about how to approach them in a more direct yet friendly way 🙂

    Cris

  21. I JUST journaled yesterday about how much I hate being misunderstood and how it prevents me from moving forward while growing my business. I’m so sensitive to it that I get snappy with my my husband, family, etc.. when what I’m suggesting is even slightly misunderstood. In a professional setting it’s mostly when I’m trying to communicate with people who are providing me a service such as my web developer. Why don’t they get it!!! These strategies will be helpful to use because I know they can feel my frustrations. Thanks Marie!

  22. I’m constantly improving my communication. It seems that as I release one bad habit, I will pick up a new one! LOL. As I mentioned in the Facebook post I tagged you in when I posted this video, I experienced firsthand the over-apologizing and pre-empting you discuss. When I was a finalist in the 2013 Urban Rebound NY-Count Me In Perfect Pitch Competition, I got coaching to release some of those habits. Now, I’m working on being more direct and clear in my communications. As I’ve let my creativity flow more freely, I have started to speak too much from that brainstorming base, which doesn’t get absorbed easily by the people around me who just want to know what they need to do! Thanks for reminding me how to stay on point!

  23. Hi Marie,

    I loved this segment, keep up the good work, and take a look at my website, I would love your feed back, thanks.

  24. Really helpful, thank you so much!
    Petra

  25. Shi

    Another helpful episode, Marie! I love the “knockers” concept. Adults tend to not like unsolicited advice, so asking first is a kind way to make sure your idea is welcome.

  26. Hey Marie!!

    Thanks for the video and communication tips.

    By the way I’m truly inspired by your courageously yellow dress!!

    XOXOXO!!! JML

  27. I have struggled with this and wasn’t sure why until recently. I recorded an interview for my blog with a woman I admire. It was when I was listening to myself on the audio that I began to notice my mistakes. I realized I tend to come off as trying to top people or put them down by saying things like “Actually, blah blah blah.” or using the word “just” too much. It definitely falls in the same category as the Yea, but, which I will begin to watch for in myself.

    Thanks for the insights Marie!

    • Amy I posted my comment below about the word ‘just’. That’s just funny blah blah blah, or yada yada yada. lol

    • Isn’t it interesting how much we can pick up in listening or seeing ourselves on tape that we never notice daily?! There is an article out there about women overusing “just” and the thought that it down plays what we say. After reading this, I’ve noticed how much I use it as well and am more conscious to catch it and replace or just remove from emails or what I’m saying. Good stuff!

  28. Thank you for opening up a discussion on this VERY important topic! I have struggled with my verbal communication and being “mousy” for a long time. It has definitely undermined my message – Thank you for saying that you continue to be conscious of your own habits!

  29. Great Q&A video today! I don’t have a big issue with people not listening. If I do I’m hangin’ with the wrong folks. I always need to be conscious of being a better listener.I think if you are a better listener people want to communicate with you and are often good listeners as well.

    I will add this tidbit I recently heard from a communications expert.. It is along the lines of what you say about “ya but”, and the dumb disclaimer. The word ‘just’ e.g. “I just wanted to ask you if it would be ok. “or “I just think that it would be a good idea if we just did this.” It was pointed out that using the word ‘just’ regularly, to premise your ideas or suggestions undermines your confidence, and can suggest that you have doubts about your own ideas and ability.

    I think this is a good word to be conscious of in the way it is used, as it is more over used than we realize and often not effective.

    I’ve also really noticed the inflection of sentences that go up at the end of statements, as if asking a question, especially used commonly with young women. Very annoying to listen to and a turn off if they are trying to get a point across.

    Nanoo Nanoo
    Catherine

  30. Marie:) Awesome pointers today. I’ve become enthralled with your last few videos and I’ve gotta say, you’re great at what you do. I think I’ve stopped clicking on useless/hopeless links found on the web for “how to make that sale” or “your 11 second elevator pitch”. F that noise. You’re a human I can relate with, and with the career path I’ve taken, it’s nice to hear someone that has gone through the same blocks in life and has found their inner ninja to karate chop them down.

    Finding my flow has been a challenge. And it’s easy to lose confidence when you think there is no other way to get your point across. I ditched the overuse of fancy words and became more direct. My delivery is clearer and I know people appreciate it when you cut out the memorized, lengthy sales pitch. I know I have…my sentences are more fluid and I also love that I’ve gotten chances to know people on a more personal level. Not just gain a client, but make a life-long friend. Those chances are priceless.

    I was quiet and shy growing up, even into my mid 20’s. Your advice along with surrounding myself with like-minded souls has helped me get to where I am today. I work for an awesome co-working space and I build relationships, brainstorm ideas with my sweet team and network my ass off to build a better community, essentially a better world. That’s right, I’m even confident enough to say that our project will create, in fact, it already has created a positive impact on our community. My confidence happened when I stopped undermining my value, and for that, I have you to thank. Thank you. I look forward to your guidance some more!

    Your friend,
    Daryna

    • p.s. I’ve forwarded your videos to some colleagues in the co-working space here in Madison, WI.

      • Kristin - Team Forleo

        Daryna, I love what you said about your confidence happening when you stopped undermining your own value. YES. That’s so rich with truth.

        Thanks a million for sending your colleagues some of Marie’s videos! Hope they love ’em as much as you do 🙂

  31. Love the suggestions, especially the “drop the disclaimer”.

    Another tip I use a lot with clients is to avoid the question inflection (cue clip of the movie Clueless). When your voice goes up at the end of a sentence it is perceived as a question no matter how powerful your idea is.

    I also love your humor. We learn best while having fun!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is such a good point, Allie! Avoiding question inflection is also a good tip for people who feel like they’re constantly being interrupted and that no one listens to them. Question inflection can invite a response where one isn’t looked for.

  32. Pantothenic

    Great episode. Excellent info. And everyone loves knockers 🙂

    • Carmen

      Hi Marie, this information is so timely for me it’s scary.
      I was just thinking about this very issue and when I saw your
      Email and could not believe it. I will be using the ‘and’ instead of the ‘ but’
      For now on.

      Thank you for all you do cause you make learning fun girl!

  33. Hey Marie!

    You made to carefully watch 6 mins video! almosnt never happens;)

    Thanks!

    I would like to know if you have app so that I could follow and memorise
    your not videos but lessons?

    xoxo,
    Kasia

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Good question, Kasia. There’s no MarieTV app, unfortunately. There are transcripts available via the transcript button on YouTube, though!

  34. Great one! Sometimes I’m a bulldozer when I communicate, what watch myself for that. 😉

  35. Hi Marie,

    Many thanks for this powerful insights. It indeed help change my habit speaking too fast and use words to impress others rather making my points/messages clearer and stronger. I have always taken any valid points you make in Marie TV. Many thanks for making these brilliant ideas available for us who need them.

    You rock, wonderful woman. I always want to watch Marie, you what it is amazing, darn awesome.

    Xauu,
    Marciano

  36. I have definintely struggled being taken seriously, especially now, as I planning my wedding and have some very difficult bridesmaids. Specifically, I have found that through trial and error, the best way to get people to take action (besides throwing a few “French” words in for kicks and giggles) is to understand the best ways each individuals receive the communication, accept the things that cannot be changed as you mentioned earlier, and to remove negative sounding words for a sentence that is firm but not offensive (for instance “You should buy this instead of that” would instead be “Have you tried looking this before?”). Thanks Marie. Loved this post.

  37. Thank you Marie and team. Still, always pulling value from your Q&A videos, after years of watching them. I can even go back over episodes and learn more.

    This Canadian seems to often prefix requests with an apology. A habit I will surely remove from my communication practices!

    The man in your video is is quite funny and handsome to boot. Thanks. 🙂

  38. Wait for the love! I work with a lot of hurting people. It has taught me the value of waiting til I can say something in love. Sounds schmaltsy but when you wait for the love, you are waiting for the Universe to direct you and the results are always amazing!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is excellent advice for everyone, though I can see how it’d be especially helpful for those who work with hurting people. It’s amazing what saying things in love can do. <3

  39. Elizabeth

    Great video. I found the segment about using big words funny because I’m a writer and I actually talk that way especially when I’m mad. I’m intelligent and have always spoken in that way. I recently got passed up for a writing gig because of that, so now I’m learning to dummy down my vocabulary.

    When I have to deal with an unpleasant situation, I prepare myself mentally and physically through meditation, deep breathing, visualization and the Superman stance. I don’t like dealing with unpleasant situations and I find it’s best to grab the bull by the horn and deal with it head on (of course with prior mental preparations) before it gets out of hand.

    • I’m frustrated with the “dumbing down” of my vocab constantly- so I hear you! I’m a month and a half into a meditation practice, so hopefully, it will start working to make me less frustrated about my communication with the larger populous of Miami on a daily basis. I have to try that Superman Stance. 🙂

  40. I love these suggestions- the video with the “knockers” was hilarious! The only tip I had a bit of trouble with was the first one- trying not to use too many fancy words. Maybe its separate issue, but having lived in Miami for 3 years after having lived 15 in NYC, I always feel like I have to majorly dumb down my normal (non-robot, but more expansive) vocabulary in speaking with individuals. NYC was so different…it’s actually much harder for me to rethink everything that I want to say in Miami, as it needs to be broken down before it comes out of my mouth. It’s incredibly frustrating.

    Of course, I can see the benefit- as they will be able to more easily able to understand me if I simplify things, and it will benefit the way I do business. However, I have to chew on this a bit, as it’s a tough pill to swallow. Mainly because I have been thinking of moving as a part of this major communication issue- it’s tough not to be understood by the larger populus on a daily basis!

  41. Don

    Hi Marie–

    Communication is so important. Glad you did this one.

    Here’s a tip I’ve been working with.
    It’s about voicing a complaint so it is heard.
    It’s called sandwiching–that is sandwiching something nice about the person and your relationship with them around the complaint.

    First tell the person a quality about them that you like.
    That get’s them in a more receptive mood.
    Then the complaint.
    Afterwards say something like “With our great minds and wonderful relationship, I know we can work this out.”

    That’s the sandwich!
    Getting hungry? Go complain.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is super smart, Don! I think this is also advice given to teachers about grading students’ papers. I definitely remember a couple of professors using this on me. 🙂

  42. PS. Amy Schumer has a HILARIOUS skit on her show that illustrates how women in particular apologize a lot, even when there is no need.
    thanks for calling that out, and reminding me that I shouldn’t be so sorry all the time!

  43. I used to do a really fun ‘bust through negativity’ exercise with teams years ago (team building). We’d all create a story together, each person adding on to the story. The first time around each person would have to start with “yes but”, the second time around “yes and”…. the two stories were like night and day! ‘Yes but’ always creates obstacles and negativity, ‘Yes and’… creativity and optimism! It was so fun to see.

    btw, I love how you naturally pick up on the cosmic energy or the collective unconscious or whatever it is you are picking up on… I now write a monthly horoscope and I mentioned this same strategy (yes and vs yes but) for the energy coming up at the July 31st full moon (blue moon)…

  44. This is a fascinating topic, and one dear to my own heart. One of the major adjustments I’ve been working on in my communication is watching my ‘filler’ words. Like, actually, just, um, and so on. I tend to pepper them all over the place and they can really mess up the flavor of what I’m trying to say! 🙂

  45. My biggest struggle is with point #1. I love words and I love reading challenging and thought provoking articles; it is whipped cream on top if there are new words to learn, as well. Now that I am learning about how to pitch, I realize that I need to condense what I say so that I can grab attention, not have people click away because there is too much to read.

    Marie, you are such a great teacher in this regard -you’ve got that flare for getting across your point that I hope to incorporate in my business.

  46. monique chabot

    Thank you for this Marie! Just on time to improve my tomorrow meeting’s prep with the security ministry representatives. The goal? Help the police force to change their stressful response to a peaceful one to better help the population and their family. An example-reason for my proposal: 50,000 (1.1%) domestic violence complaints are filed annually in Costa Rica, a tiny country of 4,500,000 inhabitants. When we know that this number is higher since complicated by a culture of silence and acceptance among abuse victims. To you and your team I say: Thanks again for this great job you do to help us to stay tune to our power!

  47. Marie,
    Thank you. I have been pretty invisible for as long as I can recall. This may be one of the things I have been searching for. I am going to give your points a go. I will let you know how it turns out.
    Thank you again, your Q and A’s seem to be on target with my path. Lovin it.
    Diane

  48. C.J.

    Really good tips. What I have struggled with the most is “complex verbiage”. I am deaf which has resulted in me “reverse-projecting” communication issues that are internal to myself, such as “I can’t hear others, therefore they must not be able to hear me”, etc. – “hear” in ALL its forms, ESPECIALLY getting taken seriously – and always feeling a need to prove and outdo myself (I am SUPER-competitive!). The good news – to a degree – is that I grew up precocious and articulate.

    The bad news is, that child became someone who can see 100 angles of something all at once, and is now struggling with how to *effectively* sell a complex product I’ve created that is multifaceted along the lines of Digital Marketer, for example, but does not really seem to lend itself to splintering, as they’ve done with their $7 Execution Plans, to sell different bites of one large elephant to different customers. I must sell the whole elephant!

    The irony is that due to my upbringing, I may be one of few people who would come up with something like this, and the challenge is how to do a complete selling job without overwhelming the prospect and literally blowing all their brain circuits, etc. Maybe Marie could do a followup series on this sales problem?

    I hope this comment didn’t come off too “morotic” (the moron robot lol!), but
    am fairly stumped on this one and slowly tearing my hair out…. 🙁

  49. A game changer for me is “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”

    • C.J.

      Hey, you stole my line! I say this all the time to too many people; it’s unfortunate that I feel I have to…. 🙁

      • LeAnna

        There are so many reasons that people don’t say what they mean.
        They may be passive aggressive.
        They may not know what they truly believe.
        They may not want to be offensive.
        They may be afraid of the impact of their words.
        They may not know how to say what they mean.
        They may be afraid of being judged.
        I’m sure there are many other reasons.
        If I come from the place of love, I can help them express themselves in a safe place. Otherwise I give credence to the reason they didn’t say it “right” in the first place.
        Thank you C.J., you helped me to say what I meant to myself!

        • C.J.

          I honestly find this hard to do as I tend to see things black and white, so thank you for this, but I think I was thinking more along the lines of the verbal commitments that we make to others.

          I once had a colleague for whom I figured out that I needed to put the word “maybe” in front of every single business appointment that he proposed, as in “[maybe] we will get together and work on this” which by the time I figured out this game – and not quickly enough! – it did not sit well with me at all. I greatly prefer it when people “say what they mean and mean what they say”!

  50. Great tips, Marie! I love that you pointed out when we dumbify our suggestions. I also stopped attaching, “I don’t know” and I also changed “I feel” to “I think” before I make a suggestion, or I just start without those unnecessary phrases.

  51. I am guilty of a few of those things but what I notice today is a lot of women saying statements but it sounds like a question. Their voice goes up at the end of the sentence and instead of sounding powerful they sound childish and weak.

  52. Linda

    Thanks for the great tips. Something that I’ve learned over the years is to listen intently when others are speaking and make direct eye contact with the speaker. Communication is a process of taking turns paying attention to the body language and eye contact of others to know when it’s your turn to speak. Then do it intelligently while you acknowledge what others have said and add your thoughts.

  53. Loved this show it wasn’t what I was expecting but it was extra good stuff just what I needed to hear. This brought to the forefront a behavior I didn’t even realize was holding me back!

    Thanks Team Forleo

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad this video was just what you were looking for even before you knew you were looking for it! I swear Marie is a mind reader… 🙂

  54. Cheryl

    Yeah, but…. hahahahahaha

  55. Jack

    When I am anxious I am not listened to. Its hard to build confidence from that starting point. I try to jump into difficult situations to build confidence but often others take it on themselves to butt in and take over.

  56. Emily

    Hi Marie! Thanks for another awesome episode. This is a tough one for me. I was always a very successful communicator until I had a stint with depression a few years back, which made me hyper self-aware in all the wrong ways. The biggest thing that has helped me get back on a strong foundation is meditation and self-care. When I start my day out with 20 minutes of meditation, yoga, affirmations, and re-orientating myself with my values… communication comes much more naturally because the self-doubt is gone. Thanks for all the great tips, as always! <3 Emily

  57. I love this one! Does anyone have recommendations for excellent books that give specific examples of ways people undermine their power, and examples of empowered behaviors/statements?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I haven’t read Lean In yet, but I’ve heard it goes into detail on how women undermine their power and how they can get it back. It could be worth checking out!

  58. Andrea

    Fantastic Video Marie!!

    Everyone wants to be heard and excepted, and I struggled with people not taking me seriously for years until I finally learned a little trick……..
    MAKE “YOUR” IDEAS “THEIR” IDEAS!! Now everyone wins!!

  59. I have a naturally sweet and nice demeanor. Those are the two adjectives most used to describe me. I used to think I wasn’t taken seriously because of this characteristic. Like, people assumed I was a pushover and wouldn’t be able to “get the job done” because I’d be too worried about hurting someone’s feelings or something.

    My mother was asking me about my business and I mentioned to her that I wished I wasn’t so nice so that people would take me and my ambitions more seriously. She paused and said, “But I like that you’re nice”. And then I felt foolish for wishing I wasn’t nice, because it is my gift.

    Now, instead of trying to obscure my niceness, I combine it with directness and conviction. The nice thing about being genuinely nice is that people trust me pretty readily. If I explain what I’m going to do, and why they should trust be to deliver on it, I am taken seriously. No need to change my personality!

  60. black

    I find that when I really make space for the other person, too– when I can deeply listen to what they have to say & to where they are coming from, my message is more effective & more powerful.

  61. Todd

    Ok Marie! Got to tell you, I’m still a little messed up by everybody loves knockers and if it isn’t any fun for me, it isn’t gonna be any fun for you! ☺
    Alright, focus…
    Yeah, for years I took the always show weakness approach. I believed in it because I didn’t want to be intimidated but all it did was empower people who missed the point on one side and alienate those who wanted to like me but found my undermining of myself hard to navigate on the other.
    The disclaimer point stands out to me as an area where I need to learn more related to health strong communication skills that bless and honor people.
    Other times my frustration has run people off and been combined with big words that may have offended some, although some who had read my blogs or posts have encouraged me to become a writer. So, that’s cool.
    At the end of the day the only point I would add is something that a pastor once told us in homeltics class. Know your audience. Some like it hot, others do not. Ok, that’s not homeltics, and yes I used spell check! ☺
    Bless ya.

  62. The best thing I’ve learned is active listening. Makes a dramatic difference in communicating. When I spend just 5-10 minutes listening intently to someone, and taking them seriously, people tend to do the same in return.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Wise words, Natalya. People don’t want to listen to someone who won’t listen to them, so it’s always good to return the favor. 🙂

  63. I loooved the last example. It´s always so useful when you show the “yes and no” examples, and also when you bring something back from the Q itself. It helps me really see the concept working in the real world. I watch every week and always find the videos great and helpful but watching this video I realized I really needed help in this subject!!
    Thanks so much Marie and team for all you do. Lots of love from Uruguay!

  64. Nicole

    Awesome video Marie! I needed this and already saw some of my “bad” communication habits you pointed out like the being overly sorry and the “yes, but..” scenario. I’m gonna save this video and write down some of this info so I can use it when talking to my clients. I know for sure this will help me both in business and life. Thanks again for your awesome insights!! 🙂

  65. Karolina

    I loved the video. I am guilty of “yeah, but…”, I admit it, but (!) now I know what I can use instead, so thank you. 🙂

    I have another problem – I am usually very confident about my opinion and I talk only when I feel and think that I have something of value to say, but lately I’ve found myself in a situation, in a scientific association, where I am the youngest person. Even though I got through hard work to the position of vice-president of it, I feel and I see that people around me doesn’t take me seriously. And that really undermines plans and tasks which need to be done to get my association thrive. Please, if anyone could give me any advice I’d be so so so grateful!

  66. Hi Marie and greater community,

    Love the information I get every single week. Love it!!!

    I took time to watch this today because it is somewhat relevant to my current situation.

    I was approached by a development company to help them provide amenities to their multi use concept of offices and apartments. I agreed if only it would give a permanent home to my cooking school that I started in February. So after about three months of planning and slicing and dicing I presented my concept last week. The developers higher ups discussed it and agreed it was a good plan but they worried that they might invest and it would (their words) set me up to fail. They do not have the confidence that I have prepared capital to run this business. Now they are not loaning me money so I didn’t think I needed to talk about that. It made me wonder if they would have even asked that if I had a penis. So I am trying to figure out how to show them that I am ready to take this on without being angry at what I perceive as total sexism. – Thoughts and suggestions are welcome.
    Chef

    • Sin

      Hi Tracy – what a tricky situation! It seems there might be two possibilities at least.
      1. You did not bother to put things down on paper, thereby showing/communicating them they could take advantage of the situation. It is not a personal thing in that case, it is action (no paperwork) – reaction (no trust).

      However, it could also be: 2. they have a genuine concern about if you have capital to run the business. You will be in the building. You might be a risk to them. Or an asset to invest in. No way to tell – for them a serious business owner has the numbers strait and they can be named at any time!

      See it as a different world, a business world and not the world of a self employed person. You write about being asked for numbers as if it is something personal, or irrelevant. To them, it is the core of every business. Without numbers, no businesss. And surely not in their building.

      So, you can deliver numbers and ask them to invest if you feel like it. Or you can be offended (where no offence was made by the way), and walk away.
      Or you can ask them for clarification. Something like ‘i wasn’t aware you would be interested in discussing my business financials. How would this information help you to decide on this project? If you can tell me more about how my financing would fit into the picture for you, it would help me to better understand your question and provide a more complete answer so that we can let doubts behind us and start this partnership’.

      So.. from what i read it’s not about sexism, but about different perspectives on what matters at the launch phase. I had a similar experience when i started out. I asked for feedback about my business idea at some advise board for startups. All men of course. After telling in great detail how i would set up my service and how i would find clients, they asked me what i would deliver. At that time, I did not understand the difference between what is delivered and what the product is. So I was perplexed, thinking they did not take me serious.
      They also told me the only way to be sure it would work, was to find clients before i started. But how could i have a client before i started my business? I found it a very strange thing to say – even stranger all five men said the same. I was sure they were making fun of me – being a woman. That of course was ignoring what they said – a good startup invests in failing quick, and getting a client who will pay is an important step in the proces.

      However, i learned that when more then 2 people tell me the same thing, even if I’m 100% sure it’s wrong, it’s probably me who is wrong by not understanding the real issue.

      (And yes, they were right, i should have found my first client before starting my business. A mistake i will never make again!)

  67. I TOTALLY do the “dumb disclaimer” all the time! I can feel it make me less credible, and it’s like a monster that I can’t stop! I really need to work on this one.

    I’ll say something that I think, then immediately follow up with “I dunno…” How silly is that!?

    Also, with the follow up, I totally sound like the example. “I’m so sorry to bother you but…”

    Story of my life! It’s like I believe that I’m not worth their time, and that I’m always in the way.

    I say ENOUGH! Let’s move on. Shall we?

    • Amanda

      Yes, we shall! 🙂 Best of luck to write a new story of your life!

      Amanda

  68. Beth

    Great information! Especially the last one– my husband would totally agree! AND… he doesn’t talk to anyone who says “circle back”! It’s way overused so drop that one! 😉

  69. Editing myself and refusing to engage in debate has helped me in this area. Many times people are politely saying ‘no’ when others imagine they just need to be convinced. The continual back and forth only serves to irritate and show a lack of respect for another person’s time. Filibustering to persuade doesn’t win hearts and minds. When I LISTEN more than I TALK, I can make sure that my few words are aimed at a genuine need rather than filling the air with all things important to me.

  70. I am constantly doing the “dumb disclaimer” and I am going to STOP IT NOW!!

    • Yay!! It’s a game changer that one 🙂 I think that those who use the ‘dumb disclaimer’ also often automatically turn their statements into questions too. Well, at least I know I used too. Now if I have a statement or a comment, I make sure it comes out as such – rather than sounding like I’m checking for their validation by inserting an invisible question mark.

  71. Amanda

    Dear Marie,

    This video was just amazing, especially the “yes and” approach. I’m also so grateful when I get helpful input on speaking and communicating, so thank you, thank you, thank you!

    In my experience, another key element of catching somebody’s interest is the use of one’s voice. I was lucky to find a great role model in my American Literature professor and simply copied his “magic” at home in front of a mirror or on tape until I had internalised it. I can really recommend this method.

    Thank you so much for making Tuesday a day to look forward to!

    Amanda

  72. Awesome video and I’m totally guilty of “Yeah but…” so I’m gonna check myself on that! Thank you, Marie.

  73. Kai

    One think that has helped me a lot not mentioned in this video is speech patterns. Your rate. volume and pitch make a huge difference when people are listening to you.

    Speaking slower, with a deeper tone, when something is important, signifies to people you’re saying something important. High squeaky and fast paced stuff on the other hand says the opposite.

    I’ve always spoken quickly and I remind myself to slow down. It says to others and yourself that you are worthy of their time, and don’t need to rush through your idea– trust that people want to hear it, and hear it clearly. Lower tones also signify authority. And while you have their attention, it can also be more polite and effective to keep it succinct.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Great points, Kai. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  74. Fab topic Marie, I feel like we have grown into inserting long words to sound intelligent and there is a stale trend of robot type emails, no personality, no smile, no human.

    I’m encouraged to bow to someone and the fact of how busy they are while writing work related emails, but it feels like putting someone above you. As if they are so important they have a right to by busy, where we/ I don’t.
    You brought me back to what’s important. Thanks

  75. This was great! I do have a lot of these down! I wanted to add about the ‘but’. Your tips were totally bang on and using the word and changes how you perceive the statement. Using but almost negates everything before it while using and expands the entire statement.

    Ex. Your work was great, but next time I would love to see this happen. ( the focus is not in the great work, rather it’s on what they want to see next time)
    OR Your work was great and next time lets incorporate more of this. ( the focus is more balanced on what was awesome and how to improve)

    I find this especially important when working with a team of people where feedback is essential to getting things done and it makes them feel acknowledged and appreciated for their work while opening a doorway for growth that they are open to!

    Communication excites me and I’m looking forward to adjusting my own based on some things I got from this video!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      YES — you’re so spot on, Kelly! “But” is such a sneaky word in this context.

      Communication rocks, and thanks for watching this week!

  76. Oxana

    Thank you for these tips! Appreciating you for addressing it so fun and courageously!

  77. I LOVE the “yes, and” I am def going to be practicing that.

    These are all really good tips for Powerful communication.

  78. This was the perfect vlog for me today! I’m guilty of doing the final thing you mentioned – apologizing for ‘bothering’ people. I actually cringed a little bit when you discussed it because I’ve done that so many times! I always feel like I’m disturbing someone with my email or phone call and have to drop that concern:-) I also loved the hint about not using the word ‘but’ – I’ll be more conscious of how I word things in the future. Thanks so much!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I SO hear you, Michelle! My eyes totally popped open reading your note — I’m also guilty of apologizing for “bothering” or “pestering” people too, so you’re definitely not alone there.

      I always like to remind myself that when someone reaches out to me to check in, I usually feel delighted and happy, so it’s very likely that other people feel the same when I reach out to them. Encouraging 🙂

      We’re so glad that this episode really resonated with you, and thanks so much for tuning in!

      • To be honest, every episode resonates with me:-) Thanks for your thoughtful words, I will keep them in mind for next time I am ready to apologize for bothering someone;-) You make a great point and I appreciate you taking the time to mention it to me!

  79. Hi Marie

    I agree with you, Marie. Sometimes people are not taken seriously in part because of their position in power or economics continuum. This is particular true in an environment where women and their ideas are not respected or regarded like their male counterparts. It is also true with minorities in an environment full of people with fixed mindset-they know it all and therefore, they could not learn from those in minority group or women regardless of the power of their ideas.

    Clearly those with fixed mind set of their brand of what is good often don’t pay attention to those they may look down on (women and minority) whose ideas could potentially enrich them beyond their limited levels.

    Often, those with fixed mindset are only aware of their limited brands and thus their judgment of good ideas are limited to their shallow brand of knowledge and they tend to be incapable of going beyond their concept of quality ideas and thus their perspective does not allow them to see powerful ideas that are much more superior than their own just because the ideas are coming from women and members of the minority groups.
    Again, this is where Marie suggestion is crucial and it is in alignment with my advice to the victims of marginalization (women and members of the minority groups), especially in male dominated corporate world. The advice to the marginalized or people not taken seriously is to focus on what you can control and don’t waste your time or energy on what you have no control of including those who would ignore you regardless of the power of your ideas or contributions.

  80. If no-one takes your ideas seriously at work, you probably have not chisen the right group of people to work with. They do not value and appreciate you. Little tweaks in your presentation style are not going to change the situation. The company you work with may be conservative and opposed to new ideas and change.If you are facing the same situation at his me, with your family, it is a serious problem that must be addressed at the core level. Are you married to someone who does not respect women? Does your family share your set of values? Sometimes, our blood family is not our spiritual family. In this case, this is a Karmic lesson.Generally speaking, do not expect respect from people who do not share your values and respect you. This has to do with politics more than with your communication style. If people are opposed to your values, they would also be opposed to your ideas, take your contributions for granted and never give you credit for them. It is important to move away from people who do not respect you and establish relations with those who do.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Gloria. It’s so true that there absolutely are instances where we are in an environment where we aren’t being respected, and often in those situations no amount of communication tweaks will help. As you mention, it is often better to find another environment where we can be respected and valued.

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’re facing challenges within your family, and I sincerely hope that you’re able to be heard and find resolution. You’re absolutely deserving of respect for being the amazing person you are, and we’re sending our very best wishes your way.

  81. This is so true I often struggle not to behave as a bulldozer. I’m so used to not be taken seriously that when I start making my point sometimes I don’t give a chance for others to speak. Great advice!!

  82. In my own experience of both speaking and listening, the specificity and relevance of the comment make the most impact. For example, if I want to give feedback, I will use a visual aid and be as specific as possible. In this way, I’m implying my qualification to comment because I’m backing up my point of view as I give it.

    Example: “How should we hang this art show?” I’ll say, “In the past I have used these few techniques for this type of space/work. I think given the context of the show, this technique would fit the best and be most physically sound.” That way it’s not a question of power or social dynamics, but a more impartial and backed-up solution to a problem. If I don’t have the experience to speak up, I will let others with more experience speak and ask questions to help them clarify their thoughts.

    I think the seed question for this Q&A was vague, and when someone is vague, I assume they want to feel important more than they want to tell me something.

  83. I absolutely loved this topic because it hits right on for me with running my photography business. Although I’ve won many awards for my photography and have been featured in national publications and even by international magazines, I often find that people tend to de-value my work and have a hard time with people taking me seriously. I often find myself in situations in which clients want to take advantage of my ‘niceness’. I think this is partially due to the fact that I’m an independent entrepreneur, partially also because I AM very nice, and I’m guessing my lack of ‘power talk’ has an influence as well. Thanks for these tips!

  84. Great video, I love you Marie! My sin is that I tend to overcomplicate everything I write or say. But I remember another good advice that made big difference for me. Deleting word “just” from my vocabulary. “I just wanted to see if you agree, I just wanted to inform you about the new offer and so on.” That is how we are playing small and communicating vaguely.

  85. You nailed it (yet again) Marie!

    Some of my clients think I am nuts when I ask them to describe their business as though they are talking to their four year old grandson. It is a great way for ME to understand their business, to help them with sales and marketing, as well as their clients…don’t ya think?

    So appreciate you (and your team!)
    Paula

  86. Funny, I communicate better as a writer than a speaker. I always have. I’m shy in person which is why I became a blogger. The more confident side of my personality comes out when I post. I wonder if many writers are secretly introverts.

    • Stephanie

      I am exactly how you just described yourself; I am not a writer or blogger but a creative introvert who is learning how to write.

  87. Stephanie

    I love watching your videos they are so informative and super funny. I am happy to have stumbled upon your site and receive your videos they remind me to be positive and inspiring.

  88. amy

    This video is really really really Relevant .Can you list out 5 point.
    1
    2
    3
    4
    5
    Thank You Marie ! You are Awesome.

  89. Natalia Levey

    Oh my gosh, this has been the most useful episode for me ever!
    I love … AND instead of BUT.
    I’m still finding my communication style, and can’t wait to start Copy Cure.
    I have so much admiration for Marie for the work she does.

  90. Kathleen

    I struggle to be taken seriously but mostly it’s because of my age. I’m 31 and a Life Coach. I’ve been through more in my 31 years than most in a lifetime but I can’t seem to get people to take me seriously.
    “you haven’t been through life yet” is the most common response.

    I dress well, speak eloquently and simply and I am very professional. Most people I speak with over the phone don’t realise my age, it’s only when the see my photo on the website or on Skype that they raise it.

    I KNOW I’m a great coach – does anyone have any tips or tricks I could try?

    Thanks tribe!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I so hear you, Kathleen and you’re definitely not alone there! Marie herself had similar concerns when she started life coaching in her early 20’s. She actually had some photos done for her site at the time that made her look a little older — not to be misleading in any way, but to really highlight her professionalism.

      In terms of getting people to take you seriously, testimonials from clients might really work wonders for you. Especially when we’re younger or just starting out, getting great client feedback and sharing that on your site can really help build trust no matter what your age is. For a few more tips on that, you might like to check out this other MarieTV episode: http://marieforleo.com/2011/10/build-a-reputation/

      One other thing that popped to mind is that you could have a little fun with being up front about your age. Of course that might not fit your personality or brand, but if it does, you could always have a section on your FAQ page like “But Kathleen, aren’t you too young to life coach?” and then have a fun little answer and include some testimonials.

      Something that always helps me is knowing that you don’t have to have 100x the life experience beyond what your clients have — all you really need is to be 1 step further along the life “journey.” In fact, many people might really relate to someone closer to their age who has recently been through similar experiences and challenges, so that could even be a great selling point.

      I hope that helps provide you with some helpful tips. We’re cheering you on!! 🙂

  91. Ashley

    I have learned to except that I am soft spoken. My influence usually on people is better in smaller groups or one on one. If I have a stage to present on stage that works for me as well. I also noticed that the group of people I am with make a big difference. If I’m with a bunch of entrepreneurs all my advice is welcome. If I’m with my family we all think so different so I use my advice only when asked. It’s just all about knowing your audience: )

  92. I call your example of ‘mousey’ communication “Fluttershy speak.” I’m sure you know Fluttershy ;-), but just in case you’re unfamiliar with her, she is a really shy, apologetic, and quiet My Little Pony. Her carefulness to avoid offending helps her communicate with cute animals, but she can have trouble with bigger problems. Just goes to show, consideration is good, but extreme self-effacement isn’t, and moderating your approach for your audience (rabbits vs dragons) is important.

    On a side note, My Little Pony is a really great show for learning about effective communication and speaking up for yourself without stepping on another pony’s tail.

    • I really like the metaphor for tailoring your speech for your audience; the rabbits vs. Dragons.

  93. I’ve been making a conscious effort to stop saying passive or non committal words like “try” or “maybe”. I still catch myself saying thoes words and I make a note of it and think of a way to better word the sentence for the next time.

  94. Megan

    Now I understand why I was fired from my last job. At the time I was accused of having a “negative attitude”. I’m actually a very nice person and just want to be helpful. I genuinely had the best intentions. Now I know, if I had switched a few words around during creative meetings, some of my ideas may have been implemented. And I could have avoided the stigma of being combative. I never meant to be. What’s worst, my left eyebrow would go up with an inquisitive look when I didn’t agree with a suggested process or idea. It wasn’t until my co-workers started teasing me for it did I start forcing myself to be physically neutral. I did my best to tame my face and my approach. I went from being aggressive to passive. Only responding when asked to. Obviously, I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I think my aggression came from working in an all male environment before I took this position. Only the loudest and most absurd ideas ever came through the confusion. Which was the complete opposite environment in an all female office.

    • Kristin

      I’ve had this problem as well. No matter how nice or well meaning you are, some people can still perceive comments or opinions as aggressive or intense. I worked for a long time in real estate in a male-dominated, sink-or-swim/winner-take-all environment. Women can tend to harden over the years after so many negative experiences, especially in primarily male workplaces (corporate law firms come to mind). It’s still a work in progress for me but one thing that has helped is editing myself by saying more with less words and keeping it as professional as possible. I try to think of how politicians, celebrities and people in the limelight need to be careful with their words and opinions so they don’t eat them later. These days if I wouldn’t want it in print, I won’t say it.

  95. Hi Marie,

    This is one of my favourite videos to date. I am totally bookmarking it for future reference – and to refer to my clients.

    I too am always looking for ways to improve my communication. These days, I am consciously focusing on:

    :: Being aware of my audience. For example, sometimes words that aren’t ‘big’ to me and feel like common knowledge – are ‘big’ or foreign to others.

    :: Saying more with less words. Sometimes when people don’t understand my point (or don’t want to understand my point HA), I end trying to hard to articulate it further, and say way too much, only causing the message to be lost.

    :: Owning my message. Just like the ‘dumb disclaimer’, I would often phrase my comments or statements as questions – which is ultimately another way of anticipating rejection.

    Thanks again for another fab episode! x

  96. Oh Marie, this is so timely.This is one of my biggest triggers – that I feel not heard. It seems to be mostly with men, my husband in particular. So what I have found to work is …. get clear on it first for myself. Say, allow myself to feel that I was right, or that it was a good idea just for me. I console myself kind of thing. Make it ok! And then I notice in 2 days up to 2 weeks it somehow comes back as his idea. I guess patience is the main thing required! I rarely experience these kind of misunderstandings with women or friends. You rock Marie! xoxo

  97. Oh yes this is perfect for me! I struggle to be taken seriously by the people around me all the time. It’s especially terrible since I’m working so hard on growing my business and it’s completely dismissed and belittled (which I think may be more than a simple communication problem). So this was very helpful. I’ll keep these tips in mind when I approach new clients and speak to those around me, particularly the ones edging for a fight.

  98. SO needed to read this!!! I’m a Certified Personal Trainer and Licensed Physical Therapist Assistant, and will be trying to market to some Physical Therapists in the area tomorrow to try to get a referral source going. I typed up some good stuff about why I’m different and how I can help their patients, but I still have to make sure I am CONFIDENT and CLEAR when I talk directly with the PT. In other words, OWN IT! Thanks for the tips!

    • Diana

      Great tips Marie! I also think it’s the presence you give out when trying to capture attention. Some demand attention without trying- which makes me quite envious regardless what they have to say. I think its some sort of energy/chemistry that’s automatically there that people just listen. Is this also innate? Having said this, I always thought, (besides ones approach ) that it’s also a natural gift-either you have it or don’t?
      Your thoughts?

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Really great question, Diana. I personally think that we do tend to be born with certain tendencies or things that come to us naturally, however I know everyone on our Team believes that with some work and hustle, we can always improve ourselves.

        That doesn’t necessarily mean doing anything against your nature either — we all have our own amazing, unique personalities. It’s all about honoring that and finding ways to connect with others by expressing who you are.

        Definitely check out this great MarieTV episode with Sally Hogshead for some spectacular tips on how to be fascinating … it’s a great one: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/04/fascinate-sally-hogshead/

  99. Well stated and very fun. I also liked the book The Power of A Positive No by William Ury. If you are looking for resources to compliment.

  100. Joy Cornista

    Marie, I love the show and can you put down your iPad on the table next to you after you read a question? I am distracted by the picking up and down or leg juggling of that thing and might be better if you just put it down. You put effort into looking nice and having a nice environment, why not improve your body language?

    Thanks!

  101. Grace

    I have a very frustrating work environment, that I hope is temporary. I work with two very strong willed women who are very controlling. In addition to this, one is overly protective of my work, fearing I will make a mistake and treats me like her child sometimes, remember to do it, did you do this, etc.. The other, who is the top level person, says she wants me to take control and speak up, yet I can barely get a word in. My confidence is undermined by the protective one who only shares limited information. I tend to use a lot of ineffective communication, like interrupting, or speaking louder to be heard, then when I say something of importance, it is echoed by the top person. I decided the only way I can survive in this situation is to just do my job as effectively as possible, continue to make suggestions, and work more on my future dream work. As mentioned in this great video, some things are in our control, some things are not.

  102. Robert

    Awesome vid, as always!

  103. Every single video you do has brought me value, but this one was so powerful to call me out and show me a clear example of how to break out of some stuckness! I “grew up” in an old school corporate life that included a policy requiring women to wear pantyhose for the longest time (haha, my hubby and I were just laughing at the ridiculousness of how often I would snag and run those crazy things!) To the point though, your callout of “business robots” trying to sound like the smartest in the room is soooo the life and language I’m trying to shed off these days. I’ve also been stuck in “mousy word” land as I shift gears from corporate IT life to small business sales life. I want to live in my authentic voice and YOU, Marie, have been such a beautiful example of what that looks like each week. Big, squishy thank you hug to you for giving who you are for the good and gain of others 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Aww, you’re the best, Stephanie. Big, squishy hugs right back!

      And of course cheers to no more runs in pantyhose 😉

  104. Robert Rinaldi

    Hello Marie,

    Your page offers great advice. I have recently sent a patent application to the U.S. Patent Office for an idea that I believe could benefit many. My patent attorney says, at this phase, I should get companies to sign a non-disclosure agreement before presenting the idea to them. How do I get my foot in the door with large companies to accomplish this? Do you offer consulting services? The market for this idea is about 150 million people and the idea could be used by every major retailer.

    With best regards,

    Robert Rinaldi

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Robert, thank you so much for tuning in! While we don’t offer one-on-one consulting services here, we do have a couple coaches we know and love to recommend. I’m not sure of their expertise in NDAs, but if you’d like some suggestions as a starting point, please reach out to us at info AT marieforleo DOT com and we’ll be happy to send those along!

  105. Another great video Marie. Getting rid of the buts and communicating more powerfully with clarity are the two things I will be taking on board this week. Is there any book you can recommend on better communication to help further reinforce my communication skills and take it to the next level.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Of course, Esther! There are so many amazing books out there on communication, but one of our favorites is “Adversaries into Allies” by Bob Burg. It also complements this episode really nicely!

      To get a little idea of the work Bob does, you can check out our MarieTV interview with him here: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/11/win-people-over/

      It’s a great one and I hope you enjoy checking it out!

      • Thank you so much Caroline. I will check this book out.

  106. WAUW, was this a great learner or what? Totally blown away with insight here!! I’m in the midst of reaching out to bloggers and magazines about my product, and these strategies are GREAT approaches for that! I tend to apologize and bow and what not, feels great to get “permission” to be more direct in a polite way, it feels way better! THANK YOU <3

  107. seth

    Tonality changed my presence in a room.

  108. Very useful pointers as usual. I used to speedily mumble through whatever I wanted to say. I thought I was saving my conversation partner the droll of what I was saying. Very true – that the way we perceive ourselves projects in the way we talk to others. So I’ve started taking pride in my responses.

    But there are also the other factors that if your audience isn’t interested in your message – you can bend over backwards and nothing will get through.

    Then the third aspect is knowing your message so well that you can now focus on presenting it in the way that is useful and applicable to the other person’s context.

    Thank you Marie for being so succinct and listing these great tips. My favorite is #4 – count me in team knockers from now on :o)

  109. Jackline Makandi

    Hi Marie,
    Wait a min..do you by any chance read my mind???
    Your Tips are always so timely!
    POWERFUL!!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Haha Jackline, Marie may indeed be a mind-reader 😉

      So glad this episode was timely for you! xo

  110. Dear Marie,

    Thank you for your kind words. I observed after changing jobs for official and personal problems during 2008 – 2010 that people are taking me lightly and thinking me as Invisible Mr. India and I worked on the issue by putting my business solutions loud and clear in Social Networks like Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, etc and also by acquiring a new Professional Degree – DHRM [Diploma in Human Resource Management] from Welingkar Mumbai (Bombay), India after 2014. Now very few people regret me by saying “Rohan You do not know JAVA, ASP, .NET, Ruby on Rails, etc….”. People now respect me by sending 300+ Thank You Messages on my Work Anniversary after launching American Social Networking Site or RT Russia Anchors help me in my BIRAC India 2015 Project by helping me in easy experimenting with Human DNA. I really love life well now as I improve me memory skills by playing Jigsaw Puzzles and by listening to NinjaTrader Presentations.

    I hope everyone will be happy this weekend. Let us all pray to Jesus for peace and prosperity.

    Regards
    Rohan Sarker

  111. Sara

    EMPATHY! When you know what motivates the people you are communicating TO, you gain the power to speak in a way that makes them not only listen, but take action. It’s my secret weapon!

  112. Kat

    Awesome 5 tips, Marie!

    In my first years in business here in the US, I used to be “talked over” all the time and part of it were certainly habits and patterns, created during childhood (be polite, wait and ask to speak, … ), plus coming from another country with seemingly “slower” conversations. I did find myself reacting to this though, by accelerating and hurrying up so I could at least get my point across or … at least the first few words of it. First I thought: gosh, these people here are so fast and even rude! I also started focusing so much on my discomfort that my overall state was certainly not supporting that what I wanted to accomplish 🙂 Knowing that I would not change my environment or other people, I decided to not hurry up anymore and rather take a deep breath, get centered and just stay calm inside. My voice would be deeper and more solid, I noticed that my presence overall would get noticed and I became able to be a solid part of any meeting, brainstorm or even regular conversation.

    I agree with your “Yes, and”. One can truly feel the difference by saying this!

    Kat

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      That’s a great tip, Kat 🙂

  113. I actually used that word invisible in response to a personal relationship recently. I have forever struggled with feeling valued, maybe somewhat due to the struggle of parents never seeing me as successful (being an artist in a business centric family is a challenge). More recently I have let go of this (entangled personal Q & A with anyone not in my best interests), and I have started becoming more liberated – and can even think about my direction (with much more clarity and purpose 🙂 ). I appreciate your fun & helpful advice always. Best, Kim

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      So thrilled to hear that, Kim. Thank you for tuning in.

  114. Kim

    The “yes, and” tip is very good. I’m going to try it! 🙂

  115. Elainea

    Hello Marie & Co.
    It’s me E!
    Thank you so much for the awesome feedback to my question. I will put it in practice immediately!

    Sincerely,

    E.

  116. Hey Marie
    Its a pleasure to be connected on this platform. Have been watching your videos and they are quite impressive. My question to you is on Being in the Game. There are people who with their power, might and dynamism insure that you are out of the game. You are sure to your core that these are working against you. How do you cope up with this stress and make it easy to sale through ?

    Looking forward to your valuable insights !!

    Thanks & Regards
    Anita

  117. Finishing my sentences was a biggie. It’s so easy to keep talking and talking with no real end to my sentence.

    This left people lost and totally unable to follow me!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Think of it like a fishing line. The longer the line, the longer it takes to reel in the fish. But if the line is too short, the fish won’t bite. 🙂

  118. Awesome video. I have been working through owning my power. I grew up with speech difficulties and trouble spelling/writing. It is so empowering being able to articulate clearly without apologizing. I loved the example you gave. I find myself adding non direct fluffy verbiage to my emails all the time.
    Communicate powerful and you will be taken seriously even if your 5″1′ artistic type with an eclectic wardrobe and likes the be silly. 🙂

  119. Michelle

    I am new to your site and am loving it. I am hoping to use tips from this episode in an upcoming meeting I have. I work for a small non-profit and sometimes I feel like my ideas are not heard or taken seriously. Sometimes I wonder if anyone is even listening to me. I know that our non-profit could grow and go to the next level.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s clear you have a beautiful vision for growing your nonprofit, so we’ve got our fingers crossed that your team will hear you out. Your contribution should be valued. <3

  120. Yessss on the follow-up! It’s annoying to receive that kind of apologetic email too.

  121. Peri Caylor

    Being guilty on all five counts, I’m ready to try out these tips with my family and volunteer boards. Now it’s just a matter of saying the right thing on cue!

  122. Thanks about your tips Marie. Hope that I can watch more videos like this in the future. Good luck!

  123. What I say is taken seriously, but not me. Wadda…?
    Oftenly, people are telling me THE things I TOLD THEM a while ago, but they don’t remember they know that from me.
    “You know, I was thinking lately about this insightful thought I have for a while now, it’s something good for you to know and remember…”.
    I am happy for them to know and my ego doesn’t claim for any credit.
    But I wonder, could it be that I never made the money I think I deserved for the value I gave, just because my clients just don’t realise or remember it was me who gave them good advices?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is a really good question! It sounds like your message is sticking, but they’re not giving you credit for having told them. Is it possible they heard the advice elsewhere or that your brand isn’t aligned with the advice you give, making it harder for them to remember the source? That’s a tricky situation, for sure.

  124. OM PRAKASH

    Very nice presentation Marie, as always.
    Love you for your excellent tips every time
    Regards,
    Om

  125. Jenn

    Haha. I definitely use the mousy approach at the end. I thought Marie had pulled up an actual e-mail I sent. Yep. I need to work on this!

  126. Hi Marie,

    Excellent tips.

    Thanks for your brutalally honest way of communicating things to. Need to work on this!

    Luna

  127. I hate when people respond with a ‘but’ to something I say! I work in a creative industry and, as so, we must be fearless individuals. No idea have to be too big for us at the beginning, we need to brainstorm and find what’s more suitable for the project. That’s why when I hear a ‘BUT’ I perceive that the person who’s speaking is someone who’s afraid and is just trying to find excuses not to take demanding tasks into consideration.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Good insight, Sonia. Saying “but” does tend to take the power away from an idea and does seem to come across like someone is afraid to say what they mean…

  128. I’ve been following these amazingly fabulous videos for a long time and I really should have said, before now, how valuable I’ve found them. For example ‘And’ rather than ‘But’ is so simple to implement and I know that many thousands of new business owners will recognise it is something they can do right now to get positive interactions. I know that 30 years ago when I started my business I was saved from extinction by seeing myself on video make many of the mistakes Marie points out. I was desperate for customers and just trying too hard to ‘look good’ and get my ideas across – rather than listening and relating to their interests. Thanks Marie.

  129. Dana Dwinell

    Light bulb moment here. I have mistakenly believed that my passion for my “ideas” would carry the day; but I can see that instead I have been bulldozing in my presentation of these ideas. THANK YOU! Excellent, specific advice- now if I can just remember these points in the “heat” of the presentation.

  130. Dennise Kowalczyk

    I am going to use that follow up email suggestion (aka Dear Sam) – love it!
    Thanks, Marie. I think you (and your entire team) are the GREATEST.

    Warmly,
    Dennise

  131. Brenda Nguyen

    Loved this video because I was going to submit a similar question from a different perspective. I am a very intelligent and persuasive communicator, however, my downfall is my look. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I am an attractive young Asian girl. Whenever I talk to people about my ideas and different passion projects, people love what I have to say. However, when talking to investors and showing them my pitch decks, financial analysis, and other materials, all they seem to try to do is take me out and if I decline, then the relationship becomes sour. This motivates me to want to work with more self-made female entrepreneurs, but that’s not how the cookie is always going to crumble. Women are starting to take over the world, but we still have a long way to go. How can I talk to different sharks and be taken seriously instead of just be taken out?

  132. At the risk of offending anyone, I have to say that the first three minutes of this vid are particularly relevant for coaches who – whether they realise it or not – tend to have this awkward, cookie cutter communication that’s irreverently known as “coachspeak”. (In fact, I’d be willing to put down a few big ones that E., who sent the question in, is a coach.) If you’ve contracted coachspeak, get rid of it! It obliterates your own voice, alienates people, and brings your chance of connection to a screeching halt – all things you need to communicate effectively and be taken seriously.

  133. Love love love this episode! These are excellent applicable steps for anyone who wants to be taken seriously, and I also think the number one rule for being taken seriously is to be confident in what you are doing. You are the epitome of confidence, and what I love about your show is that you give people practical advice and real applicable solutions that give them the confidence to back their own actions.

    In my business, I’m a relationships coach. My ultimate mission is to foster deep family relationships by understanding their unique personality styles, and to help them live their lives as a vibrant, ever evolving love story. The way I do that is through looking at personality styles – it’s amazing how much you can connect with a person in a way that resonates when you are able to recognize both their unique gifts and their fear triggers.

    So, the biggest tool I use to present myself with confidence is to have a clear understanding of my own personality style (my strengths/weaknesses and how I communicate) and recognizing the personality style of the person I’m talking to. When I’m talking to someone like a Marie Forleo who is very driven, direct, and end-result oriented, I am going to present my case in that same manner – straight to the point with no “I’m sorry” or hesitancy.
    However, if I’m speaking to someone like my mother, for instance, the best way to share my input will be by empowering her first – a little confidence boost and relational connection sets the foundation for her to be open to receive what I have to say.
    I love exploring the different personality styles and how I can effectively communicate in a way that not only presents my case with confidence, but hits on the motivators that really connect with that person and develops the rapport and trust in what I have to say.
    Thanks for delivering some rock-solid material yet again, Marie! 🙂

  134. Once I got rid of the “just” in my sentences. “I’m just following up with you really quickly on what you thought about the xyz”, vs. “What did you think about that xyz?”

    • Grace-marie Jones

      I couldn’t agree with you more Dawn. I also remove “just” or “if it’s ok with you…” type phrases. I had to learn this the hard way by being bullied by a tyrant boss who was verbally and psychologically abusive. But I quickly learned NOT to give him permission. Instead of saying “if it’s ok with you i’ll call that client and ask for a deadline extension” – to which he’d shoot me down for; to saying things like “i’ve called X client and she said we’ve got til Friday.” Literally just bluntly telling him what’s what. But the trick is to be respectful, and positive in tone while being direct i find.

  135. LOVE all of this advice Marie. I learnt many of these lessons the hard way when I was in my corporate job. I’ve basically deleted the word “BUT” from my vocabulary! “And” is much nicer! x

  136. People really need to understand what they want to say. Need to consider when it is time to have joke and when it is time to be serious.

  137. Loved your advice & the way you present every video ! You have an awesome style & a great sense of humor !
    Coming to this episode,this is a common problem with introverts who frequently fails to communicate their fabulous ideas to management & clients which eventually hamper their careers.
    Thanks Marie, for sharing these small tweaks & hope we can improve the way we want to present our ideas successfully to everyone.

  138. Andrea

    Hi Marie,

    Another great segment. Thank you for your tips.

    Being a good communicator also means being a good listener. Before talking I’ve been using the “W.A.I.T.” approach … aka … I ask myself “Why am I talking”? This approach helps me make sure I am adding value to the conversation rather than just wanting my voice to be heard.

  139. oliver rojas

    Hello Marie,

    Thank you for posting this video. I will answer your question and explain how I utilized one of your 5 suggestions to be taken seriously.

    I am normally not taken seriously. To work around that I ask questions. If the person I am speaking with can provide answers to my questions maybe they know as much or more about a subject. It’s at this point where I usually decide to back off or move forward depending on the person I am speaking with, their personality, and the surrounding circumstances.

    Today I went to the dentist and had to ask if it was necessary to remove a tooth before receiving a crown. I was really scared to ask because I did not want to risk offending the dentist by questioning his judgement.
    I started my question with,”I understand if you’ll be offended by what I am about to say, and quickly stopped once I recalled watching”, “5 Reasons People Don’t Take You Seriously”. So I altered my tone of voice, changed my posture and asked, “Before moving forward with the dental work you prescribed, I just want to know if it’s absolutely necessary to pull a tooth out before receiving a crown?” and waited for an answer.

    Thank you Maire, The Doctor/Dentist was not offended, he checked the X-rays and said he is able to install a crown without any tooth pulling. He did add eventually the tooth does need to be removed although he will still install the crown without doing it immediately. This represents immediate $ savings.

    Oliver

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s amazing, Oliver. So glad to hear that our tips not only helped you save money, but a tooth too! 🙂

  140. Hi Marie and guests,

    Thank you Marie. I like your tip about follow up. I realize that to often -up to now that is- I Always expected the other person to react. No more.

  141. Love your tips!
    We mean what we say,we know they are valuable, but it doesn’t mean listener can understand and have interesting it. How do we express our opinions ? It is important. “ don’t use many fancy words” . I saw many people make this mistake, we can’t take seriously if we try to express that we are intelligent than others.

  142. I Always feel like, people don’t get me when I say serious things.
    Some say, My body language (look in to eyes) need to improve. But I think all the reason you mentioned are correct.

  143. Marie,
    Some great points. Thanks for something simple I can share with my tribe!

  144. Guilherme Candido

    Marie,

    That’s an amazing video.
    I got at least 2 tips to use in my days. Thank you for that.

    About your question, yes, I already have struggled to be taken seriously. What I’ve done is be directly and clear about the goals of the conversation or the meeting and I alaways understand and respect the point of view of the other peolpe, even when I disagree. And more, I always make my body show that I’m interested about what the other person is talking.

    Those simple things bring me an amazing improvement.

    Ohhh, and one more thing, I’m reducing my fear to ask and to objective.

    Have a nive day.

  145. This is GREAT Marie. Thanx a mill. I also watched your video about successful copywriting. Great work! There is so much help into your videos.

    XXX Rahela

  146. Great value. Honest and straight to the point. Communication is so important whether its in business or in your social groups. These 5 tips, I am definitely adding to my vocabulary change list and remove that nasty filler habit I have aka “like”. Also, love the client follow-up message – brilliant Marie xx Erial

  147. Megan

    Great thoughts and thank you for sharing that. I would love to see more compassion for what you call “leeches”. I work with young learners in an online high school environment and there are sometimes learners who have been “dropped” from the group in regular brick and mortar school because it did not work for them physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or spiritually. I think we may all appear to be “leeches” or “needy” when we are not in the right spot for us or if we have been kicked around a little.

    Perhaps instead of dropping people out of our lives who are not all-around Polly Anna happy, we could direct them to where they could connect and back off a little if we need space. Burning bridges and cutting off ties with those who seem to hold us back in various ways may work for some… I just prefer to allow people to come back into the tapestry of my life without apologies being required… if possible… Great thoughts and interesting strategies overall. Much appreciated!

  148. EsAr

    Hi Marie! I love your approach and this episode was ON POINT in more ways than one.

    Question:
    I am a graphic designer, and I am very good at what I create. 😉 [plug]

    The question is, how do you approach a business/individual about making changes to some of their graphic and marketing? In other words, I am very fond of a person in film and when I visited their website and social media pages, their logo and website where not what I would expect from someone in their stature. (It seriously looked as if someone drew their logo, and not very well).

    How would I approach them and offer my services to consider a re-brand?

  149. Jessica

    Not being taken seriously has been an issue for me all my life. My dad says I’m like him and tend to be right, people don’t like that. My mom would tell me it’s because I’m pretty, some people think that means you’re not smart. A lot of people think I’m younger than my 42 years. I think that doesn’t help. I will say something and be brushed off, then a coworker will say it and be taken seriously! I don’t know!

  150. Marian Rees

    Hello Marie,
    i have a question about another video you posted once, or a text from your newsletter, it was about daring to face the challenges even if you don’t feel ready. You gave your own example from when you were invited to MTV to dance.
    My question is:
    When i come to a situation that scares me, and that i want to face, do i HAVE to wait until i feel 100% confident to go there, or is it still ok to go there even feeling a bit scared? What do you think when it comes to a relationship?
    Thank you for all your love Marie!
    Marian

  151. I love this! Thanks so much for sharing. It’s easy to think we could be stepping on toes, when really what we need to do is speak up! Great video…I look forward to checking out more!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Jennifer! I’m so glad you’re feeling inspired to speak up and share your wisdom—I know everyone who hears it will be thankful. And we’re thrilled to have you in the MarieTV community! You can find videos on a variety of business and personal development topics in the MarieTV Library: http://www.marieforleo.com/marietv/

  152. Ravi

    When people first meet me they generally tend to form a studious ,smart kind of perception of me. It’s true but people are more than just categories. I like to see people laugh, make my friends happy. But they generally don’t take me seriously. Maybe because i try to form a different perception of myself in their eyes just for mingling up. They tend to start ignoring me and my making jokes on me. And I try to get back to them with no hatred and then they do the same. I don’t wanna hate people or them hate me. I do know few things and can do them better than most,but people generally tend to come to me only when they need help.
    I help them ,coz I am like this. But after that they the same thing starts again.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Ravi, I’m sorry to hear that your friends aren’t taking you seriously. I hope the tips Marie shared in this episode help. I also thought I might share this other great MarieTV episode about being direct with friends, since it’s a great complement to this episode: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/03/communication-strategies/

      Thanks so much for watching!

  153. Hey Marie :). I’ve recently became “obsessed” with your channel – it’s giving me life! Now here’s the thing, I’ve always tried to neglect my feelings especially the “sad one’s” and let me tell you: I’ve had enough. I’m studying in university and with all of the pressure that I’m in, it’s so damn hard to say: yeah I’m fine! What I’m trying to figure out is the balance of hiding my feelings and showing them, my question is: how can I truly understand my feelings to start rebuilding my life??❤️❤️

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Namarig, we’re delighted to welcome you to our Insider family and we’re so happy you’re loving our content.

      We have an episode I think you might love that shares some tips on how you can sharpen your intuition — to basically get in touch with your feelings and gut. Here’s the link to that one for you: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/07/intuition/.

      If we can share more resources with you or you have other questions we can help with, please feel free to email us at infoATmarieforleoDOT.com

  154. This is so good. I am thinking to improve my communication skills. Thank you.

  155. Anna

    He calls me and my art projects “Cutesy Wootsey”, likes having intelligent conversations with people, but never has them with me, he doesn’t even trust me with making dinner by myself and indirectly I’ve been called simple-minded and uncultured by his family. What am I missing? How can I change this dynamic with my partner and his family? I feel like the house maid, and errand runner. How can I switch my priorities and become cultured and someone intelligent, worth talking to, and stimulating to the mind?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Anna, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re running into this trouble with your partner and family. It’s especially tough when those closest to us aren’t being respectful or supportive.

      In terms of connecting and communicating more effectively with your partner and family, I hope some of the tips Marie shared in this episode were helpful. I also thought I’d pass along one of my favorite other episodes about winning others over, as it’s a great one for more actionable tips and strategies: http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/11/win-people-over/

      Most importantly, I wanted to mention is that exactly as you are, you’re more than enough, and absolutely intelligent and worth talking to. You don’t have to do anything different or be different than you are right now, as you’re already a person with unique gifts and inherent worth.

      I hope this helps, and you can start having some more deep and fulfilling conversations with your family!

  156. I am changing how I approach and talk to others. 3rd and 5th points are just GOLD DUST. Using AND instead of BUT leave the doors open to connect with each other. Also 5th point, from now I will do more follow ups and be firm and to the point. Thanks so so so much Marie.

  157. Great episode – as always!
    I find taking out the word “just” is very powerful. How many times to we say – I just want to ask something…or I just wanted to check-in… Cut that little word out, and you’ll boost your gravitas 😉

    Cheers!

    Daphne

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Daphne, you’re 100% on point here! When we take out that one word, our words become much more intentional, and we instantly gain confidence in what we’re saying. We’re so glad you loved this episode; thanks for watching!

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