Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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The weather has taken a chilly turn here in NYC which means I’m busting out my boots and gloves for the first time this season!

Though I’m not a fan of cold weather, I am a huge fan of the holidays. I live for all the cooking and QT with loved ones.

But if your holiday season is anything like mine, it isn’t 100% elves and egg nog. Truth is, we may have to navigate some conflict, like…

  • Heated political throwdowns at the holiday table.  
  • Shopping skirmishes at Target. (While we don’t do holiday gifts, I’ve seen the insanity on the news)
  • General spats that erupt as a result of too much mulled wine … or not enough!
It’s about getting the results you want while helping everyone feel good about themselves. @BobBurg Click To Tweet

No matter what time of year it is, conflict shows up in our life. Rather than shy away from it, or let it take us down, why not learn to be a better communicator?

That’s why I was so excited when my friend Bob Burg wrote Adversaries into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion.

Bob is a big guy with a lot of energy and wisdom to share. One of the best take-aways is his “saying no” script. Write it down and memorize it because it’s both extremely kind and incredibly effective.

I think you’ll also appreciate the distinction between persuasion and manipulation. Another fine point to understand, especially when you want to ethically and honestly influence people.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

Which of the five principles do you need to focus on in your life, and why?

Leave a comment below and let us know.

Thank you, for reading, watching and contributing in this community with such love and care.

You warm my heart like pair of cozy cashmere socks.

And if you found this interview helpful, share it with your friends and family.

Less conflict and more compassion in the world? Yes, please.

All my love.

XO

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107 comments

  1. I love how Bob is seriously passionate about what he’s talking about. His love for the subject really comes across!

    I know I’ve struggled in the past with “selling” because I came from a background where it WAS a manipulative thing – I used to sell insurance (don’t judge!). For me, I wanted people to get the best policy for their money, but the company were mainly focused on profits and getting as many sales as possible. I was surrounded by people who thought that was appropriate, but I really didn’t.

    For me, I think resetting the frame is where I need to work on – especially with my family! I jump to confrontation in that situation, where I should think, “how can I make this uncomfortable situation better for both parties?”

    Great principles to think on! Thanks Marie 🙂

    • Agreed, Gemma! I loved listening to Bob because his passion for this subject shines through.

      Setting (and re-setting) the frame is a great concept. I actually want to merge this idea with how I sell my coaching services. I think most prospective clients who come to me have the “frame” of what a sales conversation looks like (manipulative, pushy, etc.), and that’s so NOT how I do things. I want to reset the frame by making it clear to clients, upfront, that my goal is to create a win-win or nothing.

      In fact, that’s what I love most about Bob’s philosophy — it’s all about creating the win-win in every scenario. Great interview, as usual, Marie!

    • Great way to put it Gemma! I understand where you are coming from as I used to be in the insurance industry and I felt the same way as you.

      I love that Bob spoke to “selling” as a win-win. This reframe is so powerful. This is how I personally viewed selling (and still do), but sometimes it was difficult when others have been so manipulated in the past that they are watching around every corner for it.

      Thank you for sharing!

      Brandy xo

    • Gemma, I was a financial advisor who sold insurance as well. No judgment here! Being customer focused is still, hands down, the best way to be successful – even if the company doesn’t agree.

  2. It’s so cool to see Bob on MarieTV! Bob was gracious enough to read my book and write an endorsement for the cover. I’ve met him a couple of times, and he’s really the epitome of being a Go-Giver. In fact, asking him for the endorsement was a great lesson in getting what I wanted without being manipulative. He could have easily said no – and in fact, he said he was incredibly busy. But because I was able to give him plenty of time to read and review the book, he did. To this day I’m still very grateful not only for his generosity, but also for his ability to teach by example.

    Much love, Bob!

  3. YES!! truth. love it. yes.

  4. While it’s true it’s mostly about each person having their own experiences through their individual perceptions of their own reality, it’s also true that we as people have disconnected ourselves from one another. When Bob says it about the other person and not you, I completely disagree. Whenever we match a vibration in another person, by meeting, becoming agitated, etc. It’s because source is trying to teach us something about ourselves that is represented through the person in which we are reflecting.

    • Interesting perspective, Racquel, and I am in agreement with many of your points.”There are truths on this side of the Pyrénées, which are falsehoods on the other.” ~Blaise Pascal.

  5. This has got to be one of my favourite episodes. It’s poignant and very needed in today’s “me” society. I’m looking forward to getting his books from the library so I can start implementing the tactics!

  6. SUCH a great episode, especially at this time of year!

    I feel like I’m pretty good at handling my emotions in public, however, I have an annoying habit of overreacting to situations after the fact. I love the visual of turning adversaries into allies and know it will help me cut down on that bad aftertaste by helping me communicate more effectively in the moment!

    Really, really excited about Bob’s twist on how to say “no.” As my business has been growing, I’ve been getting a LOT of inquiries lately and I don’t have time to help everyone with everything. I’m definitely going to be rehearsing my “no” speech.

    Thanks Bob for sharing your wisdom with us and Marie for another great interview!

  7. Kelly

    Hi Marie,

    LOVE so much of your quality material and your go-giver nature Marie.

    The content in this video just didn’t seem as happening as most of your other interviews (good to see you are human!). While I appreciate Bob’s perspective immensely, his delivery felt too much fluff with too little substance. I zoned out a lot even though the topic was of interest to me. Guess the bottom-line for me was I felt I was being lectured at and was a casualty of a media book launch blitz that lacks the nuts and bolts of quality.

  8. Tal

    This was such a great interview! I feel like I need to take an entire training course on this topic. I think for me, I need to work on all the principles, but especially the first one to control my emotions. I am a very sensitive person and I feel emotions very strongly, so when I sense a negative emotion from someone it is SO hard for me to push it aside and stay positive with them. Many people have told me they can tell my emotions just from looking at my face! This becomes so overwhelming that I tend to avoid conflict just so I can avoid feeling my emotions. So I think for me that would be the big one, because if I can’t stay in a positive emotional place when interacting with difficult people I’m in big trouble!

    If anyone has tips for how us super sensitive types can control our emotions I’d love to hear them!

    • Lisa

      Tal, I completely sympathize. I think embracing your emotions and declaring them neutrally could be the key to better conflict outcomes. If you deny you’re feeling anything and avoid, there will continually be an elephant in the room. Knowing you’ve taken care of yourself emotionally is a huge win, regardless of the outcome. If you can take a few moments to do left nostril breathing it can help clear emotional brain fog. A great book on the gifts on emotions is: Senses of the Soul. Understanding what each emotion is trying to accomplish can really help you depersonalize the situation. I’ve gotten some great insights from it and continue too! Supporting you in spirit! L.

      • Tal

        Thank you for the suggestions, Lisa! I have started meditating recently, and I know how important breath is to relax and calm the mind, so I will look into the suggestion to take a moment and do some left nostril breathing. I’ll also check out that book, because I know there is a good reason for me to feel emotions so strongly. I don’t want to suppress my emotions – I just want them to work with me rather than against me! All the best to you as well 🙂

  9. How great to see my friend Bob on MarieTV! What a fun surprise this morning! Way to go!

  10. Sharon

    Some great points made there. I wonder how long is your cooling off period of not responding? I am still waiting for a reply to my emails from your team who told me they will get back to me at the end of last week. Congratulations on your recent decision. Hope to hear from you or your team soon.

    • Louise - Team Forleo

      Sharon,
      I am so sorry for the delay – I’m jumping into our inbox right now and will write you back immediately!
      Louise

  11. Carolyn

    Probably one of the most helpful MarieTV episodes to date for me – will definitely be adding that book to my Christmas wish list! Thanks Marie!

  12. Shashi

    Agree with Kelly…Bob’s got good points, but he is overly loud and glib. He seems to turn the switch on and give his patented, prerecorded spiel. He’s simply talking, talking, talking –wall of words–rather than conversing with Marie. It feels like control and domination, exactly the opposite of his message. Slow down, Bob. Dare to really listen and connect!

  13. This was a great interview!

    Being conscious of your intentions and the energy you place behind it is very important.

    Many coaches, healers, practioners have issues with selling their services not only because of the ‘fear of selling,’ and not want to manipulate – but I also find that confidence, self worth and self value play a big part in it.

    Lastly, honoring your own boundaries and saying ‘no’ to inappropriate clients, arrangements or requests is important. It’s saying ‘no’ with love that comes from a place of honoring yourself, your time and your energy. <3

    Love that your sharing another point of view. 😉

  14. You’re timing with this episode is perfect, Marie. Eerie-perfect. Heck, most of your weekly vids seem to land exactly where I need to be met. Bob and your exchange reminded me of so many lessons learned over the years. The loudest one being “Don’t take anything personally.” Now, I will more easily be able to draw upon my highest self, and deepest integrity, when navigating some conversations planned for today. Thank you BOTH.

  15. Great point about taking time before responding in heated situations. I also liked the clear example and phrase to use when choosing to turn down invitations. Good interview; thanks Marie and Bob.

  16. Kristin B.

    Perfect timing as always Marie. Thank you to the both of you for these gems. So much of the ego is tied around our emotions and for me it can really sometimes be hard to get loose and actually leave the rope behind instead of lassoing it around another person to get my way. And Manipulation vs. persuasion is brilliant. Thank you!

  17. O wow – these tips are sooooo potent – THANK YOU BOB AND MARIE!

    I especially love this strategy for declining invitations – I find it really hard to do this, but these ideas are brilliant – to not arouse the other’s ego: helping them to feel better about themselves.
    This is such a sublte but huge difference between letting someone know they’re valued, and the alternative- rejecting them.

    I am really guilty of having rejected people many times, having been overwhelmed by their (sometimes totally inappropriate) attentions – because I wasn’t taking such good care of myself as I should have been doing, I was overloaded and really vulnerable, so got tetchy- and felt like the only response possible, was NO: GO AWAY!

    I’m going to go rehearse my ‘gently saying no thankyou, but I am honoured you asked me!’ in italiano!

    So glad to be learning these great things! Thank youuuuu!!!!

    xxxx

  18. Bob and Marie,

    thank you so much for this very elegant (!) and rich conversation, which will certainly embellish any next situations where I can give verbal hugs to the ego with the thumb on the trigger (including mine LOL).

    I cherished how you both were bouncing TACT back and forth, while at the same time sitting in a big space made of it. It was a joy to watch two word weavers and go-givers at PLAY. Not Ping Pong, but TACT BONG, teehee.

    Treasuring you,
    oxo Tanya

  19. Loved this episode!
    What I liked the most about Bob is his humbleness to share resources and talk about from other authors. The information was priceless. Thank you Bob!
    My take away was to always remember that when I talk and work with others, I do so based on my own belief system and I need to be aware, open and understand that others may not see the world in the way I do. We all make choices based on how we see the world. Thank you for reminding me this truth!

  20. Communicating with Empathy and Tack. The Language of Strength.
    A high goal of mine in business is to teach someone who is open to me and the idea. While being emphatic of the persons feeling to change..
    I need to “remember to help them the best way I can”.

    The best way to say NO! Love it!
    Thank you for asking, I don’t want to do this, but I am honored you asked me!
    Truthful and considerate.

  21. That was a great video Marie! It’s all in the wording! He was so easy to listen to as well, could have listened to him all day!

  22. Thank you!!! Marie, thank you for discovering and inviting such a wonderful guest and getting those gems out of him in a very gracious interview. Bob, THANK YOU for sharing some desperately needed principles of communication and self-leadership with the world! I would love to share you with my students!

    Sincerely,
    Carol Carter
    (creator of an online course that contains these principles. I love, love LOVE what you are doing!!!)

  23. Am I the only one who thinks Bob Burg is sexy? 🙂

    That voice is so confident and powerful. He is clear and self aware. Theres a sweetness behind those eyes as well.

    Total package <3

  24. Lindsay

    Wait – what?! Marie, you don’t do holiday gifts?! That sounds wonderful. How does that work? Is the family on board? How’d that conversation go?

    It seems like my holidays have seen an increase in plastic crap and a decrease in thoughtful, meaningful connection. For a few years I’ve wanted to reverse this trend (especially since having kids!) and I’ve been at a loss as to how to do it. I’m inspired to know that someone else is already doing it. Thank you!

  25. Thank You Bob & Marie, for some fun-filled #PhilosophicalAerobics 😉 How are you feeling today (Spiritually, Mentally, & Physically)?♥

    This is Tony Scruggs from the Marianne Williamson campaign, & as an ‘Empathy Coach’ (& former Wooden trained Pro-Athlete) teaching the #LanguageOfConnection & sharing #TheEmpathyPLAN, here are my four cents:

    Having been recruited, drafted, & discovered (Sag/Aftra), my experience is working hard while in the door, not knocking hard to get in the door, so I LOVED Bob’s def of Selling (Giving people what they want)!

    Being trained in Ahimsa by Gandhi’s Grandson in India, I found resonance around the Power with others Philos of Persuasion & Influence (vs power over others, aka manipulation, or Abundance vs scarcity)

    On to THE FIVE:
    (1) Control Emotions (I heard make Objective Observations vs subjective evaluations… & use Mental Rehearsal…like we do in Sports, seeing 1st pitch to last out)

    (2) Clash of Beliefs (I was taught, Beliefs were a sense of certainty about the meaning of something, so that def aides in the Empathy)

    (3) Acknowledging their ego (if ego is Edging God Out, I so see the Infinite Oneness~18~that I can see people’s Pleases & Thank You’s, but not so much any ego’s)

    (4) Framing (story/interpretation) look to Empathize (reset frame)…as 1D would say, ‘Story Of My Life’

    (5) Communicating with Empathy & tact (I know nothing else, other than being Empathic) 😉

    *Saying no (“t/u, that’s not something I’d like to do (honored) I’d rather not (Just for Clarity)…in #TheEmpathyPLAN, the Philosophy around saying ‘no’ is “Say the Need that prevents you from saying YES” (My need to honor a previous commitment, prevents me from saying Yes)…all the Universe hears is Yes (& the other person hears a gift)

    “Stay on your Game, and Keep going for your Dreams, because the World needs that special gift, that only you have” ~Marie (Btw, I LOVED your intv with my buddy Jairek)

  26. Brilliant! Simply Brilliant! Thank you for a wonderful interview.

  27. I have had training in this but you always learn something new..

  28. Thank you Marie and Bob for the amazing tools and concepts shared and in this video! I just had a not so nice experience with a collaborator last night, and I am excited to reset the frame and apply these tools to our collaboration and communication! I have been incorporating non-violent and conscious communication into my communication style and with the tools in this video I see how I can tie it all together in synergy! It really is an art to consciously communicate and especially in business! Thank you again!

  29. Eddie Herrera Jr.

    another one of my favorites! 😉
    thank you for another stimulating conversation.
    <3

  30. Thank you Bob and Marie – I love this topic because I use it everyday when I teach. I have training in Restitution and Choice Theory and find these principles that Bob talked about are great reminders -AND- I love that he connected it to marketing and “selling”.

    For me, I’ve been continuously working on responding instead of reacting when I’m in an experience where I feel triggered – and I love that Bob suggested simulations or rehearsing the situation to practice it, instead of only practicing it in the moment.

  31. Rod Miller

    For me this is one of the best work advice videos ever. If I had had this video in 1987 and listened to it twice a day I would have had a lot more successful career. Oh well. I am starting again so I get to find new fun.

    As someone very good at failing and having some success in this area, I will add the following. Be aware that your body may be more emotionally reactive at times due to medication (e.g., asthma), weed, wine hangovers, all of the above together, caffeine, lack of sleep, illness, etc. Being prepared can help, but it is best to pause when the coworker or competitor hits you with something first thing in the morning. Before reacting take a breath, eat breakfast, take a Maui vacation if you can and then respond. Sorry I didn’t read your email because I was packing for Maui.

    Also, a good adversary will make clever personal attacks when you are suffering the most. Lobbying taught me that an adversary can be the most important ally in a split second so visualize the situations where this person can help you while they are kicking you when you are down. It will take 10 good “how they can help you” visualizations for each personal attack.

    Finally, if you are dealing with someone that has a borderline or paranoid personality disorder cross them off your list they will not change. Add them to your 20% Tim Ferriss would dump list.

  32. Amazing information..! Thank you so much

  33. Lisa

    I am working on understanding how others belief systems affect conflict. I loved how this video depersonalized and normalized conflict. Bob’s approach is like the parents he refers to, he creates a positive frame from which we can all feel empowered to succeed. Thanks for speaking to this issue!

  34. I like the insight that we don’t have to know the SPECIFIC differences in our values to effectively cooperate, just that such exist.

    I also have a question that I’ve found deflects conflict, while acknowledging that we see the world differently: “Can you tell me what you’re seeing that I’m not?” This has really opened some valuable windows for both parties at times when doors were starting to slam shut!

    Thanks for a great episode; and introduction to a book I’ll enjoy reading. Sounds like a classic to add to my oft-referenced “The Magic of Conflict” by Thomas Crum that defines conflict as when what we have and what we want are two different things. It makes it easier for conflicting parties to get the we all win win when all are collaborating for an outcome where each gets what s/he desires.

  35. Angie

    Wow. I really needed this! I must get the book. Thanks Bob and Marie, as always, for your insightful, inspiring and tremendously helpful commentary on this crazy, beautiful life we are living!

  36. Bob and Marie were both fabulous as always! Great, poignant distinctions and points that will help every one of us! If you want more Bob…here’s a link to an interview he and I did for the Leading Coaches’ Center on the Go-Givers Sell More book he wrote with John David Mann. Bob is one of the truly great guys who walks his talk…a real class act! http://leadingcoachescenter.com/clubhouse/mastermind-live/recording-of-bob-burg-on-go-giver-coaches-sell-more-mastermind-call

  37. Aloha, thank you for this wonderful episode, Marie! This provides wise guidance on navigating most of the first seven levels of consciousness in the Clinical Theory of Everything. In particular, it demonstrates the importance of maintaining the integrity of the sequential flow from #2 (feelings) through emotions, thoughts, intentions, and plans in our social interactions (#7). Keep shining the light!

  38. Amy

    I would love some help from Marie’s lovely audience with a pickle in which I am saying no to a good friend, indirectly, who wants to be a bridesmaid in our wedding.

    I originally asked her to be in my wedding party, but I felt we went through some turbulence; in essence, she feels we are closer friends then how I view the relationship. She understands now she is not part of the party, but has put me in a position of being wildly uncomfortable to have anyone ELSE be in her place.

    I would love to say “While I don’t want you to be my bridesmaid.. ” but I think this requires a little more tact and explanation. I believe this community may have some compassionate advice on how to best move forward? Thank you in advance =)

  39. Thanks for great coverage of this topic.
    Especially helpful was the EXACT language for saying no, “While its not something that I’d like to do, it was an honor to be asked.” This is going to #saveme

  40. Wow…now that is a book that I really have to get. Bob really takes saying no to a whole other level that I never thought about. It is a lesson that I am definitely going to apply go forward. There was a whole lot of value in today episode Marie & Team. Good job, love it. – Mr. Avelardo Lopez / aka: Mr. Suave / http://www.AvelardoLopez.com

  41. Framing is the principal I’m working on at this point. So helpful to communicate this way in many situations.

  42. I love honing my persuasive skills.

    Sometimes I fail at visualizing….especially when I’ve come up against some roadblocks. I am really good at the other points and believe so passionately that sitting down with prospects, whether virtually, one on one or in a group setting is a true honor.

    I respect each and every one of my clients and prospects and really do my best to take care of them the way that I would want to be taken care of.

    Good stuff!

  43. Great advice! I especially love the classy way to say ‘no’! I’m going have to tuck that one away for the future. Great advice, as usual!

  44. Thank you very much Marie for this video!
    Empathy and compassion that is what we need in our businesses, these needs to be used every day.
    Watching your videos every Tue!

  45. I think this is one of the best episodes ever. This was so entertaining and enlightening and just what I needed when I have some professional conflicts in my life at the moment. I have been taking them very personally so this has really helped to put them into perspective. Thank you so much.

  46. Hi, Marie and Bob

    Saying NO tactfully is definitely my top technique.

    Even when Bob was saying his tactful ‘no’, I was cringing – I know I’d have problems saying it without hesitating (so even more rehearsing, I guess).

    Thanks so much for this, and see you soon 🙂

  47. Kaye

    This interview was GREAT! I will be reading Bob’s books for sure! This is something that continues to slap me in the face at work. I have worked very hard on a lot of this, but this problem seems to come up mostly when I’m in face to face meetings (which happens with my team once a week). Any suggestions on how to curb my reaction or recover from an unsavory response that I already put out there?

  48. Thank you so much, just what I needed to hear today! What a brilliant man. I love the idea of rehearsing future interactions.

  49. Damn. Bob’s passion is electric! Just purchased The Go-Giver, and I am sure I’ll be back to this interview to watch a few times to capture all the solid gold he’s delivered. Incredible. Thank you.

  50. I am so pleased to see Bob Burg on Marie TV I’m going Wow! He’s a true Go-Giver and furthermore he is an example of mastering the art of persuasion with compassion and authenticity which for me, it’s still work in progress. I’ve known Bob for a couple of years via Facebook and follow his teachings, books, presentations, and per usual, his sensitivity and yet, deliverance of empathy and compassion leaves me breathless. True teacher, he is, with a heart of gold. Thank you Marie for sharing his wisdom with us.

    And to you Bob, you rock, dear friend!

  51. Wow! What a timely post for me to see. I was dealing with just a situation with a very negative client. I could have very easily added to this negative scenario if I’d allowed my emotions to dictate my behaviour. Fortunately I was determined to turn the situation around and we both won! Thank you for you affirming post with Bob!

  52. Great video…I loved that Bob talked about re-framing selling as a win-win. This is so powerful and important.

    The definitions of ‘persuasion’ and ‘manipulation’ allowed me to see more behind the curtains of my own thoughts about selling. To be able to define my way of being in relationship with others where there is a win-win as being persuasive soothes me immensely.

    One of my favorite pieces was about saying “no”. I have never been that great at saying “no” and try to be superwoman! So, I absolutely loved what Bob said…”Thank you for asking…Although it is not something I would like to do, I am so honored you asked me.”

    Huge takeaways Marie! Thank you!

    Brandy xo

  53. Teneisha Robinson

    While I need to work on each principle, the most important one would have to be controlling my emotions. I am working hard to learn how to maintain passive facial expressions as well as my tone. It is easy for others to manipulate you when you can’t keep your emotions in check. Some of the worst decisions are made when they are based on emotions.

  54. LOVE the distinction between persuasion & manipulation! Win-Win (everybody wins!) or Win-Lose (“I” win, without regards to what you get).

    Thanks for sharing the BASICS of selling…so much gentler than trying to convince someone to buy something they don’t need.

    Muah Marie & Team!!!

  55. Love this Marie! Thank you for bringing this topic to the table. It’s so important for business owners!

  56. Very insightful. Great video! Something all business owners should follow, easier said than done;)

  57. Prasanna

    This is a very useful one. Thank you Bob & Marie

  58. Very honored to have been a guest on MarieTV. Marie has a way of making her guest feel right at home and comfortable. And, Louise and the entire Team Forleo are an absolute pleasure to work with. Pure class!

    I’m reading all of your comments and enjoying them very much. Thank you! Please know how hugely grateful I am for your kind and thoughtful feedback! What a fantastic community!

  59. Great episode! I have met Bob at a Go-Giver book signing. I used to talk about positive manipulation to help in sales. Persuasion vs manipulation is a easy way to shift into a positive or win-win situation for personal or business relationships. He is a great speaker. Love the both of you here. Thank you Marie!

    XO

  60. Jaclyn Hill

    I am so happy to have watched this video.. Amazing information. Learned soooo much. I love BOB…..

  61. Thank you so much for this timely episode. Did my first assistant trainer evening on Monday for a large call center’s ramp up for Christmas Gift orders. The class was for Customer Service New Hires and a student the first day said, “Christine shouldn’t be a trainer, she doesn’t know anything and she’s not even friendly.” Although I know better, it got to me. I watched all your links, celebrity mean tweets, How to deal with criticism, etc. and feel much better. Will change my painful experience into a teaching moment, as being in CS the new hire needs to be a positive voice for my company. Thank you again. Christine

  62. I believe that these values are great for me as an adult AND for my children. I am working on these ideas with my twins, who are 10 years old. I love that they will grow up and have been introduced to these communication skills so that in their lives expressing themselves becomes easier and more fruitful. Learning to not react is such an essential skill — Can you imagine how that would have changed your early 20’s?
    Thanks,
    Tristesse

    • Tristesse,
      Good for you for getting your children involved in this at a young age! That would have been a wonderful lesson to learn from a parent. Unfortunately, being reactive was the predominant lesson learned/taught in my house. Learning these lessons now is beautiful and empowering!
      Kayla

  63. “Check their ego” already came in handy for me. I recently went out on my own after working in my family’s business. Today my father intervened in an account he introduced me to somewhat undermining and jeopardizing my position. He didn’t mean to do it but he did. I checked myself and remembered the quote about having your emotions under control and responded to the email rather than reacting emotionally.
    Thanks, Marie & Bob for timely advice!

  64. Adrian

    This is so relevant. I think i benefit mostly from the “offering a service” rather than trying to sell something. I feel needy and guilty sometimes when trying to “push” a product across. But just thinking about this new way of thinking really lifts a load off. I believe that the truth sells itself so if something is true in value to you, you should feel proud to offer it to others. I just came up with that now, like for real yo. Book #1 here I come. Jokes.
    Thanks Marie and Bob. Will definitely buy and recommend the book.

  65. Thanks Marie and Bob! I loved the interview. Perfect timing for my meeting today. Very helpful tips that will have a big impact in my life both personally and professionally.

  66. Ashley

    Great interview! Sounds like a really interesting book, I’ve added it to my Goodreads to-read list. I could have used this advice during the summer while working with some particularly difficult co-workers! Well there’s always a next time.

  67. I love both you guys, Marie and Bob!

    I’m happy Bob popped up through your blog. I followed him for years. When I changed direction, I stopped following him. Well, following both of you now.

    I was a manipulator especial for many years. Which I why people were repelled by me. Then I learned how to love me, and I loved others too. I detached from outcomes. I became less the obnoxious kid screaming, “Oh pick me, pick me!”, and more like the kid who brings the apple to class, to curry favor with their teacher.

    I was a fraidy cat in the conflict area for years. I didn’t network, for fear of being shot down. Then I chose to not sell, like the sleazy sales man, but to draw bees to honey, by being genuine, funny, mindful, compassionate, and more than anything, to identify what my audience needed, and to help them with that….and honest to goodness guys, I’m that like, like, 3% of the time lol! No more than that.

    Thing have changed dramatically on my end since I last saw Bob chatting online. So happy to be using many of his – and your – principles, to inspire my community and so many more folks to become pro bloggers.

    Thanks Guys! TWO of my favorite business Jedi Knights who I follow online.

    Have a fab weekend.

    Signing off from Bali!

    Ryan

  68. That was so awesome!

    I took your advice about the hotel manager when dealing with a potential partner. I think it’s much more constructive to be tactful than what I felt like saying! 😉

  69. Hello Marie and Bob,

    Wow, loads of great advice and information in this interview. Thanks so much for sharing.

    In my own experience, what really helped me tremendously with interacting effectively and more smoothly with people is Principle #2 – Realizing that everyone has different belief systems, often different from mine, which are just as valid. Once I understood that I could see why conflicts might spring up, treat other people more respectfully when they see things differently, and be more empathetic to their views.

    What I still need to continue working on most is #1 – pause when my buttons get pushed, be in more control of my -anger – emotions. Rehearsing beforehand and visualizing my own best responses and great outcomes is a great idea! I’ve used visualizations for trying to attain goals I want – like things, jobs, objects. But I never really thought about using it for interactions with people or responding instead of reacting with emotion. Thanks for the tip!

    I’m very excited to discover Bob and his books as I didn’t know about him before. I look forward to reading the books.

    Thanks again, both of you, for a very helpful presentation.

    cheers, Lash

  70. mel

    That was perfect timing and so inspiring! I have just created a picture board to put in my office to remind me of these principles. While they are all connected and required…first focus is controlling my emotions :0!
    Thanks again for all your advice and support.

  71. OM PRAKASH

    A very wonderful and insightful discussion indeed! This interview is a few notches up than many others. Quite educative and memorable.

    It takes some time to put into regular practice what we learn, but then learning is a life long, on going process.
    Thank you Marie, thank you Bob for this excellent piece of HR art.
    Shall try to benefit from this as much as I can.
    Regards,

    Om

  72. Mike

    This is what I’ve been waiting to hear about! I want to be in control of my responses without being too vague. I love how Bob teaches us that we don’t have to manipulate or coerce people. I don’t roll that way, and I don’t want to lie. It’s just wrong.
    Thanks for sharing and interviewing Bob Burg! Excellent interview!

  73. Marie, I loved your interview with Bob . I started watching it and then when I realised how valuable the content was, I turned my phone off, closed my door and became totally absorbed in the five influence principles Bob described.
    I can see two applications for these principles one in my personal life and one for my business Virtual Nanny
    Personally, I had some feelings of anxiety when thinking about having to have Christmas lunch with one particular family member who has very different ideas to me .Bob’s teachings about Ego has given me some ideas on how better to play out the usual Christmas tension and to hopefully create a very different and more understanding atmosphere.
    The second important take out message was learning about our individual frame. As the Virtual Nanny, I help parents to become informed and confident to parent in a way that is their own wonderful loving style. What we say to children and how we behave toward children does create their frame. Bob has a great message for new parents…..Thank you so much. I think I will watch it again!

  74. Cheryl

    I loved the “thanks, but I don’t really want to” bit. All my life I’ve been the gal everyone goes to when they need something done, which I realize can be seen as a compliment, but at the same time, it also means I’m not very versed at saying no. I will be using this method in the future.

    I love everything you do, and all the guests you interview on your show. Thanks for being you.

  75. Jo

    Hi, I love this but don’t have time to watch now and this week-end I’m not going to have any connectivity – can I download this episode locally to watch later? Thanks so much for all the help you’ve given me!!

  76. I loved watching this interview, I really consider it to be helpful and useful. For me, what I most need to work on is how to say no. I find myself, many times, doing things I don’t really want to, just to not hurt other people’s feelings. For sometime I’ve been realizing that my own feelings are just as important, but I can still improve on this “say no” thing. I’ve taken notes and will certainly practice based on Bob’s advice.
    Keep up the good work Marie!

    Wishing everyone a happy, fabulous weekend. Xoxo,
    Raquel

  77. Thank you Marie for this informative interview! I loved the principles Bob shared! Especially about saying no respectfully and tactfully! So good! Thank you for all you do! You bring so much fun and value to our lives!

  78. I absolutely loved this interview.

    I feel like we’re all naturally loving and genuine communicators. BUT through our experiences, our minds have been trained to take control.

    The best part, and I agree, is to speak from a place of equal love and respect for yourself and the other person. And to RESPOND rather than REACT.

  79. Paul Mawdsley

    I enjoy witnessing a healthy soul. That’s what I see in Marie: a soul with healthy focus and flow through the frameworks she has chosen.

    The thing that caught my attention most on this episode of Marie TV was Marie’s excitement about the concept of “frames” or frameworks. It’s as though she senses there is a powerful secret to the universe contained within this concept and she is drawn to seek it out. I think there is.

    Frameworks are a network of channels and gates inside us- which we discover in our physical and social world, we adopt from others, or we create- that define who we are and how we flow in the various spaces we participate in. We achieve healthy focus and flow through frameworks when our frameworks map the truth about our own nature and the nature of our world. This is the secret of the successful life. This is what is at the heart of Marie’s gift.

    Thanks Marie.

  80. Francine

    This was so great, Marie and Bob! I’ve done a lot of inner work and am so grateful to be able to use a lot of these principles naturally now in my life. However, every situation in every day is definitely a new chance to practice them!

    It was wonderful to hear these practices given words and discussed so openly! It’s almost as if I remember to practice them best when I put on my imaginary teacher’s hat in any given situation I encounter. Stepping into that role is not something I consciously think of doing. I think it’s more subconscious to me, and actually this might be the first time I’ve really described it in words this way. It seems to be such a fine line between stepping into that teacher role while still seeking out that undercurrent of equal humanity between me and every person I encounter. Sometimes it can really be a challenge to hear others and meet them with loving energy if theirs is in a very different place. It can also be a challenge not to take their energy on! That’s probably the thing I’m working on most within myself these days!

    Of course, there are times when I can take the teacher’s hat off and express my emotions more freely, like with my husband or when I’m taking time for self-reflection and care, but that hat is often on when I’m with others–it’s just a huge part of who I feel called to be. 🙂 That said, sometimes I think it’s good for others to see me being a student at life as well. I feel things deeply and work through a lot of things in private, so I don’t often show that student side of myself in person. On occasion when I do, I’m sure it serves as a good reminder to those around me that yes, I’m definitely still human and still work through my own stuff, no matter what other work I’ve done. 🙂

    Thanks again for this great episode!

  81. I found that video pretty useful, thanks Marie.

  82. Peter

    Hi Marie,
    What great interview.
    It was interesting to listen to Bob discussing his principles of persuasion.
    As someone who had to get by with a deficit of self esteem for a large part of their life, manipulation was never really on the agenda.
    To have any hope of achieving anything for myself, I had to learn how to be persuasive as I was incapable of asking for anything.
    And the the principles I had to learn were so consistent with those that Bob shared.
    Perhaps the final and most difficult one for me to learn was how to say no.
    I had become so resigned to the fact I couldn’t say no, I decided that as a means of gaining some control in my life, if someone asked for something, I’d give the best yes I possibly could..
    It was an exhausting way to live.
    But at least it wasthi my choice.
    And it js a value that came into its own when I finally learned how to say no.
    Gaining the ability to say no was such a revelation for me.
    It is such a powerful negotiation tool when used effectively.
    Instead of saying an outright no, be direct or subtle, what I now say is…..
    ” I really don’t want to do what it is that you’re asking me.
    And these are my reasons….
    However, as you’re my friend I don’t want to leave you in the lurch either.
    Tell me your reasons and if there is no other alternative, or you can’t find anyone else, I will help you”.
    What this does is open up a dialogue that often leads to an alternative solution.
    And places the onus back on the other person to create a compelling reason for you to say yes.
    Which more often than not, is all you really need if like me, you are predisposed to helping others if you can.

    Take care.
    Peter.

  83. Tanja

    Am diggin’ this episode and what a perfect time for it to air for me. Last week I started a new job and the boss is a little, shall we say, difficult. All the other staff sort of tip toe around him and then go home and curl up into the fetal position and weep (so to speak) but I knew I couldn’t do that, it’s just not me. I realised I needed to be honest with him about the way he speaks to me but was struggling to figure out the best way to go about it in order to not make the situation worse. This episode had really helped give me confidence to have that chat with him, now that I have a strategy I can use! Cheers Marie & Bob. Love your work!

  84. LOVE Bob Burg! I have the Go-Giver laws taped up next to my desk and tr to practice them every day. Great interview. Thanks so much! Can’t wait to read his latest book!

  85. Another great interview, as usual Marie. Thanks! Can’t wait to read Bob’s book. Tact would be something I need to work on a bit!

  86. This has been one of the most helpful Marie TV episodes for me, lots of take aways, loved this guy. I’m such a straight shooter sometimes I end up hurting certain sensibilities…definitely need to learn how to say no gracefully.

  87. Makinzie P

    What a great human! I love this. Also a fan of Don Miguel Ruiz.

    I will be picking up these books!

  88. Jo

    Emotions! Now I stumble over the first hurdle. I find that by not expressing my needs my emotions bubble and then explode when the temperature heats up. Whilst I’m working on this I would appreciate any tips and tricks.

    • Jo

      Oh yes, thanks so much Marine, whilst my professional life is slow to get off the ground your work is invaluable to me!

  89. Wow! A TON of golden nuggets, I couldn’t stop taking notes! A couple of my fav take aways were the definition of “selling” and how to say no. Great video and interview, thank you to both of you for such awesomeness!

  90. Captain Turbo

    Over the past month especially I have been driven to watch you and related persons share their wisdom and guidance…knowing action was required and needed but unsure of the direction BUT knowing I was getting polished to tackle ??? something.
    Today, it appeared and everything heard by me is applying to save this
    legacy of this man’s work.
    Thanks so much for your honesty and forthrightness. It’s been like hearing an excellent sermon on Sunday and knowing it was meant for someone here at the church – turns out for me.
    Now my new found expertise will facilitate and solve the issue (I was going to say HUGE issue but at this juncture I am feeling like its an issue we can handle!).
    Blessings,
    KEN

  91. Stephanie W

    Hi Marie and Bob,

    Wow, Brilliant episode, my favourite yet!

    Wish I had known about this book earlier and will be ordering as soon as I finish writing this. In particular, the principle about acknowledging the ego really resonated. In my work , there are some big egos at play and communicating with them is sometimes very challenging when they have an existing attitude.
    Will definitely be using these tips, and would love it if you would list the other book recommendations that Bob made, so many sounded very useful! Thanks.

    Wishing you a wonderful day, you rock!

  92. Wow!
    I love The Go-Giver and now I’m putting Adversaries into Allies on top of my read list.
    Bob Burg has always had great messages about building, maintaining and growing from relationships. You provided an outstanding opportunity to shine and underscore the great content of his newest book.
    Thank-you.

  93. Again, just a quick note to say THANK YOU and to let you know that I continue to read the comments when they appear and appreciate all of them (and all of you!) very much. Huge Gratitude!

  94. Ginger Moss

    I will be using the “No Speech” and I have ordered his book. Great interview Marie, Thank you.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank YOU, Ginger! Bob’s book is great – I think you’ll really love it. Thanks so much for tuning in!

  95. Rufus Akinkugbe

    I have learnt a lot from this interview/review, it shall help me into a vantage position whenever I needs to communicate with others. Moreover are these books available in my country Nigeria ?

  96. His communication skills are amazing! I loved this episode! Thank you!

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