You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.read more
I got a little frizzola that Elsa’s getting. I’m not sitting in the dark. The house lights are on. Everybody.
Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And today I want to teach you two magical words that can help you win any argument fast. Now, when I say win, I don’t mean win in the traditional sense where someone else admits defeat and they give you what you want. I mean win in the real sense, where you and the person that you have a conflict with get things kind of neutralized and you find a sense of peace and resolution and mutual respect.
Now, whether it’s your spouse who you actually love or some random clown biscuit online, most of us have to deal with confrontation from time to time, so we might as well get good at it. Now, our natural instincts, or at least mine, because I’m from Jersey, are to get defensive and retaliate and make the other person look like a moron. Basically, tear them a new butt hole the size of the Holland Tunnel. Now, as great as that may feel in the moment, it is clearly not the best way to handle things. So what are those two magical words?
Neil Patrick Harris?
That’s three words. No, the two magical words are, “You’re right.” Responding to any confrontation with the words, “You’re right,” is instantly disarming. I mean, it immediately turns down the heat almost on a cellular level. And you can test this out with a friend right now and you don’t even need a conflict. Just have your friends say to you, “You’re right,” and notice how it feels. Right? Told you.
Now, in a real conflict, this requires you to step into another person’s shoes and see things from their point-of-view, and then you have to genuinely find a way to agree with what they’re experiencing or what they’re feeling. And let’s face it, in 99% of conflicts, both people are right from their respective perspectives. Now, I know this is hard to admit. Sometimes it’s hard to find this place of seeing where they’re right in the heat of the moment, but the faster we can get there, the less stress we’ll have, the less conflict we’ll have and the more connection we’ll have.
Now, you may be saying yourself, “That sounds great, Marie, but what if I don’t actually agree and what if I want to get my point across too?” Here’s what you do. You say, “You’re right. I see exactly how you feel that way. It is upsetting, frustrating, annoying,” fill in the blank. Then, take a moment and add on with something neutral, like, “Another perspective to consider is this,” or, “Another way to look at the situation is this,” or, “I’d love to share what I’m feeling from my point-of-view.” Yes, this takes some finessing and practice, but OMG, is it worth it. So the next time get into it with somebody, remember these two powerful words and this tweetable. “Saying you’re right doesn’t mean you’re wrong.”
Now, I would love to hear from you. None of us like conflict, but it does come up from time to time. Do you have another approach that helps you diffuse tension? As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now.
Did you like this video? If so, subscribe to my channel and share it with all of your friends, and if you want even more great advice to create a business and life that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I only talk about in email, get yourself over to MarieForleo.com and sign up for email updates.
Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on Marie TV.
Ba da bum, ba da bum, ba da bum, ba da bum, ba da bum bum bum. Absolutely fantastic. Two. Oh, that’s a weird sign, isn’t it? No, that’s a weird sign. Let me do it again.