Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Ever experienced something like this?

You: “Mom, you should read this book. It’s totally life-changing. It’ll help you be happier and less negative and judgmental.”

Your Mom: “Who the heck says I’m negative and judgmental?! Maybe if you listened to me more and actually did something useful with your life…”

YIKES.

When you find yourself growing by leaps and bounds after discovering self-help, it’s natural to feel an urge to share it with everyone — especially people you think could really use it.

Others will follow your footsteps easier than they will your advice. - Unknown Click To Tweet

But as you may have discovered, spreading the good word ain’t always welcomed.

In fact, sharing anything in the realm of personal development can spark fights and cause some major relationship problems.

If you’ve ever tried to share your new “lifestyle” with someone you love and gotten a less than optimal response…

You’re gonna love today’s episode of MarieTV.

Because in life, there is a right — and wrong — way to share ideas that can help others. Especially if those ideas come anywhere near the land of self-help.

Watch now to learn two vital keys to creating positive change in others without coming across as pushy, preachy or annoying.

Now, of course, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever tried to “show people the light” and had them resist?

Did you change your approach and how did it go?

Leave a comment and let me know.

Remember to be as specific as you can because your share can make a real difference to others.

Thank you, as always, for watching, reading, sharing (wink wink) and adding your genius to the discussion.

xoxo

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369 comments

  1. I like the quote “Be the change you wanna see in the world” and leave every body else alone!

    LOL

    • Beautiful Caroline!

      Cheers Suzie x

      • Wow! I had the same thought’s when talking to people in my family or friends that are not like mined. I get so excited I want to tell everyone what aw ha I experienced but I alway pick the people that take it as a personal attack.
        My prayer… “God put people around me that are like minded and ready to hear or share.”
        Caroline…..I’ve heard that before, great quote “be the change that you wanna see in the world”

        • I usually keep pretty quiet about my self help stuff, except with my mum and my online personal development buddies cause we’re all in the conversation!

          Sometimes I let it slip with my aunty and I see it go over her head so I stop and just smile at the fact I know people who totes understand me.

          When Marie said “Lead by example”, I totes resonated with that. I just had an epic melt down & wrote about it on my blog and had SO MANY of my readers reach out to me to support me and tell me I’m not alone.

          So we’re all on a journey together. I don’t know how it’s gonna pan out but all I know is that the best I can do is leading by example and being honest about it the whole way. So far they’re enjoying it, so I think I’m on the right track.

          Elise xo

          • I should definitely take a leaf out of your book Elise!

            It can be tough keeping a tight reign on all of the awesome self-help info and opinions you want to share with the people you love most – I’ve tried and failed many times ;P But you’re right, honesty and leading by example is the best and only thing to do.

            Is also nice to hear you can chat with your mum =)

        • Anna

          When you talk to somebody about personal development you can either make it more than clear that you talk about your very own experiences (so that they won’t take it personally) and they will listen – or talk to those who already admitted they need change in their lives – they are already ready to confront what’s not working well in their lives. If you try to persuade people who are not ready for change to ‘see the light’ they will resent you and fight back – after all it’s their lives 🙂

    • This definitely rings true!

      Lead by example, inspire others and be ready to graciously help those who ask if it’s your choosing to do so 🙂

    • Totally agree!

    • I love that! Too funny (and true).

    • Alexis Fedor

      This speaks to me so clearly, especially right now since I just finished bschool, and find myself wanting to share so much. I think the key, for me, is that when I learn new things I need to surround myself with people who want the same, and they are not always the people I normally hang around with. I need to be able to embrace that in order to expand and help those I know and love as well.

      I needed to hear this today as a reminder to lead by example, because I know in my heart of hearts how powerful and truly effective that is. Thank you Marie for this amazing post!

      • Alexis this is so true, the people to share with are the ones who are going through the same things through their choice, and for the rest, I would always wait until they ask “How do you do that” or whatever. If you start to speak and watch their reaction you can soon see if they really want to know or were just being polite.

    • Rhema Flowers

      With a capital BE!

    • Ha! Caro, I love that! Usually when we are preaching too strongly it’s because we are craving more than anyone else and not actually putting into practice ourselves ;).

  2. Great advice, Marie. “Lawd” knows, I’ve had to pull back more than time or two. A huge part of self-help is understanding that everyone is on their own path…which means, their own time, and their own choice. As self-helpers, we have to learn to honor everyone’s journey -no matter how divergent it is from our own.

    • LOVE this!

    • “A huge part of self-help is understanding that everyone is on their own path…which means, their own time, and their own choice.” <— THIS!!!!!

      Dropping knowledge as always, Emelia! 🙂

      • Thanks, Biba. Loved your “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” 😉

    • Very true, Emily!! I have also learned that some people do not want to change. We assume that everyone wants to do better and be better, but its not always the case.

      • That is the truth. Even when people see it, they don’t necessarily want to address it.

    • Very true. And they can only be helped when they’re ready to help themselves, providing they’ve asked for said help of course.

      • And hopefully, we’re gracious enough to still offer the help even though it wasn’t on our own timeline. Thanks, Denise.

    • You’re always dropping knowledge, Emelia! Love this!

      • Thanks, Mariah. BTW, checked out your blog. Love what you’re doing for the 20 somethings. Wish I had someone like you when I was that age…but we can still benefit from your insight at any age. Keep it up. 🙂

    • So well said, Emelia!

      • Thanks, Maia. (Just ordered some items from you. Can’t wait to use them.) 🙂

        • Emelia, you rock!
          Thanks so much!!

    • Remembering this grounds me every time. Great advice, Emelia!

      • Thanks, Demetria…btw, I’m Canadian, too – displaced, but nonetheless Canadian. 🙂

    • Understanding that everyone is on their own path is such a powerful reminder – and that even though it may appear that we’re on the same path, I have to remind myself that those paths only converge for a time, and usually diverge again somewhere along the line. It’s rare to be on the exact same path as anyone else. Helping ourselves sometimes means helping others, and sometimes it means just backing off and putting our own oxygen mask on.

      • Hey Lisa! Fancy seeing you somewhere other than #soulcall. 🙂 You’re so right. We converge then diverge. All part of the cosmic dance.

    • Love this Emelia.. give thanks for sharing!

  3. I’ve been here and got the t-shirt…. When I first “discovered” coaching and development I was so excited and knew what a difference it could make to both me and others. It’s so tempting to try and be Miss Fix-It for people you love…. but I learned to share this enthusiasm with only people that asked. I love the saying “when the student’s ready, the teacher appears”. I’ve been lucky enough to make my passion my profession …. and, I agree with Marie, that I’ve met so many like-minded people by getting involved in workshops and courses and blogs etc…. Good luck on finding your posse Tammy!!! x

    • Yes! The best way to find like-minded people is through blogs (such as this awesome one) I LOVE Marie Forleo’s online community!

      • So true! It is the first place I come to on Tuesday morning as soon as I log in. It just feels so positive and warm here. I love reading the great comments and visiting commenters blogs and websites.

        This community is a bunch of bad chicks doing big and wonderful things! I am so proud of all of you. This site makes my smile even bigger. Thank God for Super Soul Sunday or I would have missed this. Have an awesome day!

        • I agree completely!! This online community is so amazing and inspiring. I’m so happy the universe brought me to Marie Forleo one day when I was trolling around YouTube 🙂

        • This is also the first place I come on Tuesday morning. I absolutely love it, for Marie’s funny & educational videos but especially for the community.
          Sometimes I just feel like I want to hug everyone here!

    • Thank you Emma

      I must seek out BRAINS, er, I mean, like-minded people! Lots of blogs, but I think I need some face-to-face time with some self-help zombies. I will start looking for groups in my area. 🙂

  4. Marie, what a great episode! So funny, I loved the zombie! I completely agree with what you’re saying. When you’re a role model for others, the ones who are ready for it will resonate and come straight to you. I used to push personal development stuff on everybody. Over time, I realized that people will not listen when you tell them what they could do better. They feel criticized, like you’re telling them everything they’re doing is “wrong”. Because, in a sense, you are.

    If you just want to talk personal development, finding a posse like Marie says is really a great thing to do. I used to annoy everyone around me until I finally made a few friends I knew I could always talk about this with. But if you really want to help people, I think you need to do two things: first, be a role model, like Marie says, and second, learn to just be there with them and listen. Most people have never really been listened to. Ask them about what’s going on and there just be fully present and listen to everything they have to say. When you’re fully there for them, that’s when you can really help them, sometimes without even saying anything.

    Another important thing is just asking yourself, am I coming from a selfish or loving place? If you come from a loving place you understand that person may not be ready for it, and give them your love and understanding through your listening and presence. If you come from a selfish place, you’re more interested in “fixing them” and being a hero. This might be tough to recognize and see within yourself, but it’s a bit of an ugly side that many of us have, especially when we first find personal development. The truth is, you can’t help anyone from a selfish place. So check your ego at the door and come from a place of love instead, and you won’t alienate so many people. Those who are ready to grow will resonate with you.

    • This is brilliant Laura, so well put! 🙂

      • Thank you, Hinna! You’re sweet 🙂

        • Clare

          Love that about listening and also about which place you are coming from…..tricky to face sometimes but so true. Thanks Laura!

          • Thank you, Clare! Yes, it is tricky to face indeed. But sometimes the toughest things to face can make the biggest difference in our lives.

    • Brooke

      Thank you Laura!
      I am guilty of coming from a selfish place. Now I will be more aware.
      thank you again for this insight.

      -Brooke

    • Great comments Laura, which I so agree with!! It is a skill to listen, which a lot of us need to learn. I have been through the ‘fix you’ mode, personal development is a ongoing process as we continue to discover and refine ourselves.

  5. Love this one! Help is best when asked for. I wrote a post about this relating to wanting someone else to make a change: http://www.alisonelissa.com/2012/05/04/how-to-be-really-super-helpful-to-someone-you-love/

  6. Stay away from the light, Tammy!!! lol

    I can totally resonate with you. It is so great to learn and grow. Naturally, when you want to share it with others, because you love them and want them to feel as good as you. I used to do this with my mom all the time. She just rolled her eyes and ignored me.

    Bottom line is, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” They don’t want to hear it unless they ask you and they’ll ask when they see your results and want to know how you did it.

    Keep in mind that if they ask, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to do. They will be more open to hearing about, but don’t push them to take action. They’ll let you know when they’re ready. Keep up the great work, Tammy, and continue to shine! – Ms. Pillowz

  7. Oh yes Marie I’m loving your advice & I now exactly how Tammy feels. I work in a salon with 9 women whom I love, they are so much fun but when I started down the path of self help.. they shut down….I was blah blah this blah blah that.

    So I started to tell stories of my positive experiences, of how I tried this or that. 2 years down the track I have them asking me “Whats that book you told me about?” or “How did you feel about this situation?” It’s really nice to know they now
    want my thoughts & opinion. If I had a dollar for every time I recommended “How to make a man want you” It’s the heading every time that gets them.

    I remember Marie you said “When you become so positive & happy all the time some people become really annoyed” So some people will come round to how you are & others won’t, no matter how passionate you are.

    Loving your skirt Marie!

    Cheers
    Suzie

  8. I’m facing this right now with my wonderful Mum. In fact for the last 6 years I’ve been urging her to write the story of her life. It got to the point where I was coaching her on Skype and giving her the tools to get writing.

    But I realised, deep down, that she didn’t really want to write it. I wanted her to. It was selfish of me, as this is a personal journey.

    I backed right off and left it in her hands as she is the only one who can find the true motivation to tell her story. It should be a pleasurable and explorative proces, not a pressured one.

    You have to give people the room to grow themselves, and the right amount of encouragement and support to allow them fly. The rest is up to them.

    • Couldn’t agree more Natalie! I hope your Mum does write her story maybe she will write it just for you!

      Cheers Suzie x

      • I hope so too Suzie. I think it would be a cathartic experience for her.

        • What a great treasure to keep and hand on to the family in the future.

    • Hey…if the story is to be written, perhaps you or someone else could interview your mum and do the writing for her….

  9. I just keep my personal growth stuff to myself. Sometimes I think that “showing off” your personal growth can be a form of bragging or showing off, which I don’t want to do.

    Now, if a situation ever comes up where I feel there’s a REAL meaningful way to engage a personal growth concept within a conversation, I’ll bring it up then (and ONLY then!)

    • Yes, there is no point in telling something to someone who isn’t receptive to listening. My relatives always come to mind when this subject comes up. I only share gifts with those that are receptive to receive them.

  10. Thank you Marie for this fabulous episode, insightful and very funny. I totally agree that you need to wait for people to get in the right place themselves before they can be open to developing themselves and moving forward in some way. You simply cannot force personal development on anyone (I know this from experience – ask my son) and it is really irritating for people if they think you think you have all the answers – who likes a ‘know-it-all’ – Not that I would ever think I had all the answers, as that’s the thing with personal development, you know there’s always more developing and growing to do – but you get the gist!

    However, it’s interesting when you’ve given up a successful career to follow your personal development route as I’ve done, that some people like to be free with their comments about your chosen route and their views on personal development. That’s when you’re tempted to justify yourself or pd in general, when it might be better to keep quiet and as you say let your actions do the talking.

    This is very timely as I’m in the process of writing a blogpost this week on people’s views on pd (and what they might say about them), so a different perspective on a similar theme and a cautionary tale for me to watch my attitude in the process. After all I don’t want to come across as a ‘know-it-all’.

    • Hi Kathryn,

      I couldn’t agree more. Although I’ve been into personal development for years and years, I didn’t realize that when I decided to step out of the traditional work environments and pursue my real passions that it would be so threatening to the people around me. The backhanded compliment is one of their favorite tools to attack you for having “escaped” from some area of their lives where they feel trapped.

      Finally, I just stopped engaging in any conversations on personal growth with people outside of my posse and I also don’t get into conversations with people who don’t *get* my viewpoint because they generally want to grill me on how I’m doing what I’m doing in my life, only to then criticize me or tell me that “it won’t last.” I also set up a website and training/coaching business so that those who really do want some guidance on personal growth can set up an appointment with me. That is ensuring that many of the takers and snipers are starting to drift away … they often want free information and advice without considering how much time, effort, money and energy you’ve put into making your changes and they also like to attack what they don’t understand.

      We can certainly be role models for others in our life, but sometimes we need to cut or minimize contact with those who would like to impede our personal growth. It’s a tough decision to make and one that has to be taken on a case-by-case basis, but, in the end, it could mean the difference between you remaining stuck and you achieving what you want in your life.

      Alyxandria

  11. Rob

    excellent. I stay away from trying to change others. To me, if I get the urge to do this, or see it in others, it only means there’s something I am not happy with about myself. I think that urge often comes from the dark side where pride, fear etc lives. And where the urge to argue religion and politics also live…:) staying focused on myself and true is a much better, healthier way…

    • I love that, Rob! It is true that when you see things that bother you in others you’re really just bothered by mirroring aspects in yourself. Trying to fix others is a way to find refuge when you can’t find peace within yourself. Very well put!

    • Ooooh you touched me there – I argue religion and politics all the time! Hmmm I love epiphanies! Thank you so much!

  12. Joanne

    I loved this! I was really laughing out loud! On a serious note you said it girl! Show it in your actions and those around you might likely follow. One powerful thing I learned through my own journey is that you shouldn’t have to talk about it (the changes)…is the learning for you or others. Everyone will get there in their own time. If asked you can provide advice on book names, people, coaches etc. but if change is truly happening you do not have to press it upon others. Feel the change, embrace and let the energy be around you.

  13. I don’t give people the smackdown on seeing the light, because there is no guarantee that MY awakening is in alignment with THEIR needs. We walk on different paths and one is not more right than another. If people aren’t asking for my light, I try not to blind them.

    Start a blog or create a website. Get involved in the social media conversation to find people who are searching or on board with where YOU are headed. Instead of dropping your epiphanies (like an anvil) on the heads of friends and family, engage with like-minded people who are actually open to the dialogue.

    • Nicely said, Wendie! I created a website partly for that reason. I was just yearning to share all that I’ve learned and to help others, but I needed to find people who were ready and who resonated with my way of helping. Putting yourself out there can be risky but all the love you receive and the amazing community you discover is so awesome!

      • I would like to find a face-to-face posse – people I can share with who are interested in exchanging ideas, in person. Maybe I will start a “dating site” for self-help zombies! LOL “OK-Zombie” or “Plenty of Zombie” or “Zombie-Match” he he he

        • Wendie Tobin

          Tammy, I’m not sure where you live, but in the US, Meet-up is no joke. Also, if you use HootSuite or any other similar social media management tool, create custom searches incorporating your location.

          • Tammy

            I am in Newfoundland Canada, far away from civilization! LOL

  14. derya

    it’s not about the light, its about how do u deliver the meaning of what you trying to say, and also i wonder if you are jewish? cuz u kinda sound like one :), btw nice as always, i dont read ur e-mail, just click and see what u wanna say and its fine, and jah u look tired so take time-off/ drink some nice things and u will oke.
    Derya

    • I agree 100%
      Delivery is everything. If it’s coming from, “child, you need to get your act together,” people are going to recoil from judgment.
      You can share your victory and the tool you used;
      You can make sure your tone is respectful;
      You should never offer advice UNLESS asked and even then diplomacy is key. You look for body language to know what is resonating.
      You should listen more than you speak.
      Even if you do not want to give advice you can offer a resource for self directed research.

  15. Chara

    Thanks, Marie! I so much appreciate your wisdom on this topic, as well as your ever-present energy and the spiritual approach you bring. The two-fold approach of modeling the good and spending time with others who share one’s self-development passion seems right-on to me.

  16. This is funny — I was just getting in to this issue with a client last night!

    Basically, she wants to quit her job but her immediate family doesn’t understand why. It pays well and it’s SAFE, so why take a risk (even though she’s spiritually exhausted by it and wants to pursue her passion)? She was really, really stuck by the opinions of her family, and was trying to get them to “see the light.”

    We talked about the fact that…it’s not your responsibility to make anyone else see what they aren’t ready to see. Continue to be yourself, be kind and open and patient…but allow people to find consciousness on their own time, in their own way. And don’t let it stop you from making progress on your journey.

    • Rachel, I really hope your client can get over that. I know EXACTLY how she feels! And yes, it’s so important to just learn to be true to yourself and your own journey especially when the people closest to you are trying to stand in your way. Back when I was struggling with this I read “The dance of anger” and it helped me a lot with this issue. I’m so glad you were able to be there for her and help guide her toward following her inner wisdom and not others’ desires.

  17. Lola Rita y'all!

    Marie- how’d you KNOW I needed to hear this today?! I’ve been blazing a trail of ruffled feathers and raised eyebrows having done BSchool, friggin’ walked on fire with Mr Tony R and now I’m desire mappin- look out world!

    With the best of intentions, my suggestions are bouncing off the people who need them most like atomic teflon… it’s been kinda sad and lonely making… Don’t know what I’d do without the awesome BSchool community where I can really *be* myself and just keep posting those Instagram snaps of blueberry pancakes with smiley faces over on my ‘regular’ FB feed!

    What is kinda cool though is some people have started asking where all the energy, happiness, believe it or not- serenity is coming from- and those are the people who are READY to get a steer or two- woot! In the words of Prince, “think I’m gonna dance now!”

  18. Hilarious video! You can never change people, however, when someone reaches out to me for advice, I will share with them what I have learned on my journey. I started reading ” A Course in Miracles” last year and boy has it changed my life! The funny thing is, you won’t have to preach your new message to the mountains. People will notice a change in you and will seek you out. I believe that is how it should naturally work and that person will be more receptive to your message.

    I can’t wait to see what you have in store for next week Marie!

  19. Great episode.

    Personally, I had to go way down into the dark before I saw the light. So I’m always conscious of the fact that people have to go through their own process — and that often involves having enough pain to warrant change.

    And yes, I try to surround myself with people who are on a path of personal growth. Like attracts like! In terms of spreading the message, writing and storytelling are my mediums. You put it out there, and you never know whom you’ll touch.

    • Jessica, this is so true. For most people reaching the light means going through darkness first. Even if our change isn’t caused by pain, becoming a better person requires going out of your comfort zone, which is uncomfortable, if not painful, for many. It’s worth it, but you have to be ready for it, that’s for sure.

  20. Love love love this!! I’ve definitely made mistakes in the past by trying to push all my newfound knowledge on everyone else. My family and friends were not all that appreciative. I’ve learned through experience that it’s always best to show them instead of tell them. Thanks, Marie!!

  21. Malwina

    I’m really careful with dispensing advice – who ever really knows what’s “best” for someone? Instead, my experience is that true listening is most appreciated. Then some gentle reflecting, simply mirroring back what I just heard and asking questions to understand better… then there is space for the other person to open up and find her own answer.
    IF I share my own opinions, I make it really clear that I’m talking about MY experience, not theirs. “Sometimes, when I feel shitty, I do X and Y and it helps – not sure if it works for you, but at least you know it’s out there.”
    Thanks Marie for another 5-min nugget of wisdom! The comparison with zombies is alarmingly to-the-point 🙂

    • Michelle T

      Great comment Malwina! I totally agree with you that genuine listening and aiding people in finding their own solution is what people crave most. 🙂

  22. Yes! This is such an important thing to learn once you drink the personal development kool-aid… and you want everyone else to try it out too!

    I’m lucky that my dad has been into the self-help world for most of my life, so I have a buddy I can talk about this stuff with. He was listening to Deepak Chopra tapes in the car when I was a little girl, and I thought it was weird and annoying… but now we totally geek out over this stuff together and recommend each other products, books, and audios. 🙂

    It’s totally different with other people though, and I love the concept of the PDP – that has been huge for me!

    In fact, I’m off to have lunch with some of my PDP this afternoon! Yeah!

  23. AWESOME question and answer! I suffer from this same problem–must be that I’m a zombie 🙂

    I found that once I started my blog and began engaging on OPBs (other peoples’ blogs) that I got away from that problem. With “permission marketing” you know that the people you are talking to actually want to hear what you have to say (thanks Seth Godin).

    Great vid, as always…
    Ree ~ I blog at EscapingDodge.com

  24. I loooovvvveed this video! My journey of self-awakening started about 10 years ago and has really picked up steam in the last year and I’m seeing some massive shifts in my life.
    Here’s where I get into trouble… my husband has always been supportive in letting me be me. And this past February, he went on his first retreat and came back more alive and awake then I’ve seen in years! Like an avalanche, I started throwing every self help book and thought at him. I probably got a little too ‘woo woo’ on him too fast and turned him off a little. Thank you for the reminder that each of us are on our own journey. And the more I’m about ‘being’ than ‘shoving it down his throat’ the more impactful I will be.
    Finally, through your website and B-School, I’m so grateful to be a part of a community that lives their passion and TRULY changes the world!
    xoxoxo,
    Laura

    • Deborah Chalk

      This made me smile. In the self-help genre there are certainly levels of ‘woo woo’. I also found that B-School helped me to find other people like me who love personal development and love to talk about it. I find I sometimes call ‘self-help’ books ‘coaching books’ as self-help can have geeky tones. Owning up to liking this kind of book is like what I think Lissa Rankin called ‘letting your freak flag fly.’

  25. Marie,

    This was a good one! It is so true. Once you start to change things in your own life and business for the better you naturally want to share it with those closest to you. But as you said– they are not interested in seeing the light, nor do they want to hear it from you. I find this also to be true when sharing business success. I have learned the hard way that I can really only share with a small number of people (basically 2 people). Thanks for your advice on changing your circle. That is what I am currently on a mission to do. I need to find my people! Lol.

    xoxo,
    Melissa

  26. The temptation is to look for “validation” outside ourselves when we discover something that helps us. What feels like helping is actually looking for that validation. Great post!

    • Yup – I agree Darlene – also I find that I use “helping others” as a way to re-enforce a new lesson – sort of saying it out loud so I can hear it again. 🙂

  27. Amber

    This is what’s beyond frustrating for me. I’ve always done the “be the light” thing instead of pushing info on anyone but then when people see it, they ask me so many questions. I love the questions and always try to answer in the simplest way for people to understand. However, when they don’t like the answer, which is VERY often, I immediately get chastised as a “know it all” and so I leave them to their own devices with the sadness in my heart that they will continue to suffer in life instead of embracing the possibilities they can create for themselves. It is so much more often than not that I encounter these falsely interested parties rather than people who truly want to grow and learn and share ideas. Has anyone else had this problem too?

  28. Kimberly

    Great advice Marie!

    In the thrill and excitement of improving one’s life, business and overall success, refraining from sharing thoughts, insight and strategies can be a challenge. It’s like you want to stand on a roof top and share the magic with everyone! However, your words are true in that not everyone wants the insight, guidance and advice and the only true way to share and help others is simply to “walk the walk”.

    Over the past year I have become consciously attentive to not give unwelcome advice and I continue to work on this. Additionally, I have found that some of my friends choose to live in what I call “the black hole” and I have had to take strides to expand my circle to new friendships and relationships. As you recommended, surrounding yourself with like minds. It can be sad when the gap in thoughts and beliefs among friends can not be closed and you find it’s time to move on. The good in this is that expanding friendships has significantly enhanced my wonderful life even more.

  29. What an AWESOME question!

    I am always sensitive to where the line is on this topic with regard to my husband.

    When I read or see or learn something that totally blows my mind, I can’t WAIT to share it with him! But I have to be careful. I have learned the best approach for us is to bring a newly learned nugget up with him only IF it happens to pertain to something we’re discussing. And then I only touch on it as in, “oooh! along those lines, I read about this interesting concept recently: _____(fill in the blank)____.

    If he wants to engage in discussion around the topic, that’s cool. If not, I don’t push. It took me a long time to learn that he does not – in fact – complete me:) He’s his own feller with his own needs and I need to honor his individuality as much as I love that he honors mine:)

    In our early days I goofed this up fairly regularly which left us both hurt and frustrated.

    Great advice Marie!

  30. Marie, you are the only “TV” I make time for! Love this episode from both perspectives. Going through some tough times “self help” has been a life saver, however once the “help” has done it’s job I’ve found it important to move on and work towards my professional goals. Also, I’ve noticed that it’s often easier to give advice to others, rather than apply it to your own life, make sure this “giving” is not another distractor from your own goals.

  31. 3 apples high, haha, love it!

    In the beginning, I offered free life coaching to all the people I cared about because I knew it was transformational and I really, really wanted to help them. I didn’t want money to come between them and healing.

    Surprisingly, one after another, despite constant “I really need this.” or “wow thanks, this is an amazing opportunity” rhetoric, people would just make excuses not to sign up! I thought this was just me, until I heard this similar dialogue in their own lives.

    I’ve found that on some level people know what they are doing (or not doing) for their personal growth. Everyone is in a Divine transformative process and it is up to us helpers to continue to send love and be an example of love. This shifts the energy dynamic and makes it that much easier for others to heal, in their own time 🙂

  32. If they ask, I tell them, otherwise I just walk my talk. I own my own failures when they happen and then I pick myself up again and begin again. I don’t preach…because people tend not to “listen” when you do. Thanks Marie…great episode.

  33. Hello Marie!

    Loved today’s video…one of your best produced yet! Through the serious advice, I have to admit, I got a little bit of a laugh seeing the smurfs and zombies. (I used to love the smurfs growing up!)

    I know for myself, I personally can’t stand unsolicited advice. So, I really try not to force my advice (or wisdom) on others; instead, I do what my late grandmother used to suggest – wait for my opening.

    It may take a while, but it usually comes…when you see a natural opening to share something, someone is usually much more open and receptive to your advice and wisdom.

    I definitely feel like I have a lot of wisdom to share, but I never want to be the kind of person who’s preaching it to everyone. I think that’s a turn-off, and pretty soon people avoid you because they fear you’ll just start preaching to them about this or that.

    To waiting (or creating) your opening,

    Rachel

  34. Oh Marie, you are a breath of fresh air. You turn the most simple concepts into something meaningful.
    I’m totally guilty of trying to push my ideas until it turned to be too exhausting and overwhelming because I didn’t understand why it didn’t have the effect I was hoping to get. I learned after I banged my head against the wall few too many times. LOL
    Thank you for the reminder of ‘showing by example’.
    Ciao,

  35. I am still laughing about the poltergeist bit with Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana playing….I am literally still laughing!

    I have to say that I love self-development and never really was someone who tried to talk about it with others simply because others didn’t seem all that interested UNTIL b-school. If anyone ever wanted to walk into a country filled with people who were interested in changing the world and living their best lives…just take b-school. Best move ever.

  36. Amber

    Marie, I so needed this this morning! What a great episode – insightful and super entertaining. I can tell you had a blast making it.

    I recently decided I needed to mentally let go of my mom’s “stuff.” The thing is, she is wide open to discussing all things personal development, but then I find myself frustrated to no end when she doesn’t take action on the things we talk about. I find myself expending mental energy and concern, when really it’s none of my darn business! I come from a place of wanting the best for her, and wanting to connect her to “what’s possible” but this video has sealed the deal. I need to keep on my own path, doing what I do, and leave her stuff to her. She’ll do what she decides is best, in her own time.

    Thanks for the laugh and the love this morning Marie.

  37. Its so funny how much ur newsletter hit home with me lol. After reading the book the Secret I tried to lend it to my mom and she absolutely refused to take it cuz she refused to read it!!! I though she was being so closed minded n stubborn!!! Lol

  38. Deana’s comment is so true in my personal life.

    When I feel like I have to share something like this, I start by talking about all the benefits that I got out of it. I like to emphasize the benefits that I also think they’re looking for (but I don’t always get this right!). I think the most important thing is to let someone come to the conclusion on their own that they need whatever you have.

    It works the same in sales. I have this thing, it’s really awesome, here’s how it helped me and her and her. Then leave the door open for them to ask questions.

    One of my mantras in both life and business is “there are no shoulds”. I try not to tell anyone they *should* do something because that tends to create resistance.

  39. Marie, today’s Q&A was made for me! I was having this exact problem for years with my Mom. It wasn’t until recently, when I decided that leading by example was the better way to go – that our relationship started to change.
    I have to admit – When I step back and look at all the unsolicited ‘advice’ I used to give her…it’s no surprise that she didn’t take it well. No one like to feel criticized, and no one likes a know-it-all. And I’m pretty sure that’s how things were coming across.

    Anyway, thanks again for all that you do and give to the world!
    xx
    *M*

  40. Listening is an art. Instead of planning the perfect advice to give while the other person is speaking to you, just listen. Receive them fully. This isn’t about you after all, it’s about them.

  41. I’ve learned the hard way trying to help people have a better life was a Thankless task unless they ask for help. But Maria, sometimes I am impatient at wanting to help in the right way. It took some time to learn to use the power of prayer to privately help when I can without upsetting a friend or loved one when I’m concerned for them. I have been a seeker of that thread of universal truth that ties us altogether. Maria, you are 100% right on when it comes to teaching by example. Being the person you want to see in your life around you is the way to attract those you’d like to have in your life. It’s the law of attraction in action. I was told it was selfish to think of yourself first, but, really, who gives us the right to tell others who or what to be? Who knows best for you than you? It works best for me to follow my joy and flow with that. I love asking “how does it get better? And What else is possible?” It opens the door to even more opportunities. Since like attract like Maria, it’s a good idea for me to admire your success, so I can have the same in my life! Thank You for all you do!

  42. This was hysterical. I may be pushing career self help on people right now because I am so crazy about the book Ctrl Alt Delete by Mitch Joel, http://bit.ly/16l1KtN better dial myself back a little. Thanks for your generous spirit Marie!

    • Hi,
      Smurfs are 3 apples high! Who knew! Lol!
      Thanks for the great Tuesday Q & A Marie!

      When we Truly Love ourselves, Be….
      When our hearts are Truly open, Be..
      When we are Truly connected, Be..
      Then is Now, We are One, Be…x

      Love to ALL the ladies readin this!
      Don’t forget to Bless yourself,

      Mother Zen x

  43. Thank you for showing me the light Marie! Love you. Awesome advice.

  44. I love today’s video!
    Since recently starting my coaching business, I’ve wanted to share the personal development bug with everyone! This video really helped me realize that I need to tone it back a bit or else I might scare off some potential clients.
    Thanks again Marie!

  45. Kimberly

    Thank you Marie. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I have a tendency to get ahead of myself and want everyone to come on my journey with me. I’ve been devouring one book after another, light bulbs are going off all over and often I think this or that would help this or that person. And since so many of us who are helping ourselves want to help others, it feels natural to share. Why keep good information a secret? But…I heard a quote in one of my favourite tv shows the other day and it hit me (the heroine says to her hero): “If you want to save me, save yourself first.” This line struck me because it’s so true. So often we get wrapped in all the areas or people we think we can help, but we need to save ourselves first, then save the world. Those who are looking for the information will find us. As the saying goes “when the student is ready the teacher is there”. I have to remember that and keep my mouth shut! 🙂

  46. What a fun and helpful video. Thanks Marie! 🙂 I especially love the references to Poltergeist and Zombies 🙂

  47. I think the hardest one is when they specifically ask me for advice on something they want to change and then they want to argue with me *if* I actually respond to their hook. That happened a lot about 10 or 15 years ago, when I was all excited about healthy eating and exercise and spiritual growth. Nowadays, I just smile and say, “Well, I’m sure that you can figure that out.” It doesn’t give them the hook of picking a fight with me and I don’t pick up that emotional/energetic hook, which always leads to a waste of time and energy. If they really DO want to make some changes, I send them to my website so that they can sign up for a one-on-one session with me. If people have to invest something into the personal growth area, they appreciate it much more and are more apt to apply the information and guidance that you are sharing with them.

    • My mother said, ” Results don’t lie.” when people ask me advice and they don’t like what they hear I ask, so, how is what you’re doing working for you?

      • Exactly! Sometimes the best place to start is to look at what hasn’t worked and why. From there, you can work on new tactics and measure their effectiveness as they go. It also helps cut the “yes, but” remarks down if you give them advice and they don’t really want to solve the problem or hear viable solutions.

  48. Once again, you are cracking me up. Who knew you could mix smurfs and zombies with self help? But, I must admit I am one of those ADDICTED people to self development, I seriously love it. And yes, I do tend to talk about it every single day, but luckily I get paid for it b/c it’s part of my job as a life/career coach, which makes me so happy!

    However, I did try to share some of my “wisdom” w/ my brother who was going through a divorce a few yrs ago and boy was that a touchy subject. I sent my mom The Secret to read and she loved it, she asked my brother to read and he laughed. But then, while he was cooking dinner one night she read it to him ALOUD and after a while he had to agree he liked the concept of focusing on the positive rather than the negative and it really did shift his attitude.

    You can NOT change people, this I know. It’s hard when we see people we love in pain, but instead of judging them I try to see them full of love and in their “sweet spot”. I also agree w/ Marie, live it and let them see how it works for you and a gentle nudge here and there in a non-judgmental way might work, too.
    xo Desha

  49. Hi Marie,
    Great reminder! I’ve been up against this more than a few times. People are on their own journey and going at their own pace. It’s hard sometimes when I see people ‘crazy making’ in their lives when I see it can be avoided but those are the observations that can keep me on track and remind me from where I’ve come and where I’m going. Be the light!!

  50. Spot on Marie. I was just having this conversation with my own PDP. You go to a great mother for mothering advice, you go to a great actor for performance coaching and you go to a successful, happy person for life coaching. Preach on my sister!

    I had a very funny issue with this “Beginners Bliss” when I first got sober. I went around telling everyone else (mostly my family) how they needed to “get help.” Happy to say that I found out real quick how un-helpful that was!

    My ego can make me do some very funny stuff. Always good to be able to laugh about it. This is my daily practice. To ask, “Where am I trying to fix people?” A Course In Miracles says everything I see that needs fixing is my own unhealed stuff that I am projecting out into the world.

    The crazy part is that I can “know” this and then the very next second fall asleep to it. I am a work in progress, we are all perfect works in progress.
    The best way to be helpful is but “attraction rather then promotion”. Be the change you wish to see.

    Thanks again for the entertaining reminder. You rock.

    • Maureen, this is so funny… I was typing my ‘attraction rather than promotion’ statement in reply, at the same time you were typing yours. 🙂 Synchronicity!
      I also agree… it’s a consistent practice. So easy to fall back into older patterns… but as they get further away from me, they get less and less strong as new healthier patterns form.
      Best to you!

  51. Hey, nobody likes a Jehovah’s Witness, either. Evangelism is annoying because it’s RUDE, no matter what dogma you’re preaching.

    Survival tip: Once I got trapped next to a Jehovah’s Witness on a two-hour bus trip with no possibility of changing seats. When I realized the situation, I told her up front that I was happy with my own spiritual beliefs and not open to being converted. Then I asked her a lot of questions about her faith. We ended up having a wonderful conversation, and I came away with a lot of respect and admiration for her.

    On the other hand, I ended up on another bus with a ‘friend’ who spent the entire time trying to push her style of meditation on me, literally checking me every few minutes and saying, “Are you doing it? Are you doing it?” I came away with knots in my neck from resisting the urge to scream and punch her in the face, and avoided her from then on.

  52. Ahhh, yes… it took me a very long time to ‘get’ this concept (and I still have to remind myself & check back in with it consistently). I completely get it intellectually, but I find that to stay in practice with *being* that change rather than *promoting* that change, it is best for me to make sure I am focusing on ‘my side of the street’, or ‘my house’, or insert-appropriate metaphor-for-keeping-the-focus-on-myself-and-my-work here.
    Having lived with and through loved ones struggling with addiction, this is a lesson hard-learned, but ESSENTIAL. And now I can also see how valuable a tool it is outside of the realm of addiction and its reaches as well.
    One of the principles aligned with this discussion that I learned (through lots of 12-step work) to apply to my own life is ‘attraction rather than promotion’.
    So, I keep that simple phrase in mind when I’m compelled to ‘vomit light’ onto others. Sometimes I just can’t help myself! And I instantly see the less-than-positive results. Whereas, when I stay focused on my personal growth path (which includes being open to the needs of others), everything comes about so much more organically, and successfully.
    I’ve learned that sometimes if it seems someone needs a ‘little push’ and I feel very intuitively and strongly that I have something that could benefit them, I will simply say something like ‘I can feel and see you’re struggling. I’m here for you. Know you can always ask if you need something, and I may be able to help you in some way, okay?’
    That has seemed to be a nice opening for someone to take that step for themselves (which is so important… why would I want to rob anyone of that power? After all, *I* have taken these growth steps *myself*! Everyone deserves that chance and choice!).
    And then I let it go. If I can be of service to them, they will let me know. If not, it is their path indeed. And we never know when they may come back to us for insight… sometimes, it takes a while.
    Keeping my own growth on the right track has been the best, most influential thing that I can offer those around me .
    Thanks for your work, Marie! I always look forward to Tuesdays 🙂

  53. I cringe now at how I was when I first trained as a Coach – I wanted to help EVERYBODY to have a great life and career, whether they wanted my help or not! I found that this approach especially didn’t work with family members – they thought I’d completely lost the plot (as we say in the UK). I made a rod for my own back by doing this, actually, because, if I had an off day, or was less than my wonderful, sparkling best, I’d have ‘You’re supposed to be a Life Coach – you’re supposed to have it all figured out!’ thrown at me. I very quickly learned to keep my counsel and only give my input if it was asked for – which, when I thought about it, was exactly the approach I wanted from other people! Now, people simply look at my life and ask me how I did it – I’ve found it’s far better to walk your talk and let people come to you.

  54. I’m not one for loserville thoughts and got lots of practice on applying lessons learned via Marie during B-School this year. So much to learn, so little time for that way of thinking but being different from the many life & health coaches that participate in this wonderful community I still ate this Q&A Tuesday up!

    I blog regularly now (thanks B-School) and I enjoy sharing tidbits of advice in all my communications with my clients. I struggle with how much they actually take in. Or want. In a perfect world, every single pet owner that hires me would be as obsessed with learning & dog training methodologies, animal behavior, and what keeps a dog “in balance”. Not the case, however. In fact, I think a lot of (even my ideal) clients hire me to be sure that I stay on top of those details and I flag the pertinent information (i.e. “You know, such-and-such client, I was leashing up your dog and could smell his ear! Weird, right? Usually that’s a sign of a yeast infection, which could be a seasonal allergy-thing or maybe a diet thing… anyhoo, I’d speak with your vet about it, or if you’d like I can send you such-and-such article I always refer to when my dog has an infection like this.”) instead of sending said article/link with an invoice.

    I think my challenge with biting my tongue is my goals to keep my pet parents so well educated. I feel that says so much about my business and the community I’m trying to create around Rover-Time. So balance is where I struggle. Where’s the right place to share knowledge, when’s the right time, and how much is too much vs. too little. I suppose my blog could be the end all, but I’m not really an expert on EVERYTHING related to dogs – it’s easier to link to other’s that have been in the industry & field for ages and share why I love and adore that advice and why I think they should to.

    I would be interested in hearing from other Marie Forleo’s that have found balance with information sharing and the places they find are best for it. I like to keep the ol’ Facebook page free of external links. Doesn’t get many returns, when thinking about engagement.

    And Marie: love you. True story. “Smurfs are three apples tall” made my morning.

  55. Cara

    Today’s Q&A Tuesday topic answered the psychic question I’ve been throwing out for the past several years! Thanks, Marie!!

    My generation has experienced explosive self-growth – this has manifested very uniquely across my sibling, cousin, and myself – but we’ve all tried, in our own ways, to help those who raised us up. Guess what? They think we’re crazy. 🙂 “All that new age foolishness – GET A JOB, hippies!” We seem to be coming at them from all fronts – diet, exercise, stress management, yoga, pursuit of happiness, parenting/grandparenting, drink more water, get your finances in order, etc., etc., etc. It’s no wonder our pills are a bit hard to swallow – we’re everywhere and we all seem to be preaching!! LOL

    Despite the frustration of watching loved ones cling to old and repetitive patterns of dysfunction and suffering, you are absolutely right, Marie – for us to share without being asked to do so always feels like we’re pointing out just how wrong everyone else is, and as Ms. Pillowz said above, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

    Thanks for the reminder to be the change we want to see in the world, and to let our actions, and their results, speak more loudly than our words ever could.

    Much love!
    Cara <3

  56. This video was really great.

    It’s interesting because I’ve never had the desire to rain all over anyone’s parade with my interest in soul growth. Maybe I’m just a private person, but I mostly keep my personal philosophies and belief systems to myself.

    I did, however, struggle with holding people to this new standard that I had created from all the internal work I was doing. It became difficult to be with my family knowing that they were doing things that weren’t consciousness and spending all this time lashing out [at me]. Additionally, it can be hard to be friends with people who believe in things that aren’t real. I want to say things, but I know that everyone’s path is different – but it’s difficult when I want to say, “There’s an answer to that question!”

    Heh.

    • It’s natural to gravitate to people who hold the same beliefs and to reaccess relationships with people who insist on complainng about their lives and attacting more of the same to complain about. I have gently moved away from certain relationships, and it’s not that I don’t love these friends or family, but I see them stuck and refusing to accept responsibility for their lives and don’t want to support that in their lives, so all I can do is gently love them from afar.

  57. Lisa

    If people wanna change, they’re gonna change. Otherwise, they’re just seeking confirmation that they’re on the right path and will filter out all messages that contradict that!

  58. You can’t say the wrong thing to the right smurf AND you can’t say the right thing to the wrong smurf. Wish I knew who coined that para-phrased tidbit, but it sure fits in the health coaching world. When someone is ready to make a change, you really can’t say the right thing. A mind that is open is truly a sponge. Great Q & A – and Marie once again mops up the unsolicited light rays! Beam me up Marie!

  59. The only times I am tempted to share my philosophies is when I see someone I love suffering, because of the choices they have made. Then, the temptation is really strong. I suppose it’s really about my desire to ameliorate the pain that I feel in seeing them struggle. So, it’s really all about me in the end! When they are suffering, I find they usually aren’t even in the frame of mind to receive positive messages. So, I have to respect where they are, and keep grooving to my own beat. It’s just hard to know how to intersect with them when they are in such a different place than I am.

  60. Mari

    Oh boy what synchronicity again. I just experienced the worst kind of result this weekend when giving advice to someone who didn’t ask nor need them. Lost a very good friend – not sure if this is permanent or not but there’s a big empty spot in my life right now. I’ve been “banging my head to the wall” for being such a stupid idiot – life is so complicated at times!

  61. This was great! Loved the clever video. All of the comments have been pretty great too and on the mark. I’m usually a lead by example person in general (I don’t like trying to sell anything at all to anyone anyway.) Great things to keep in mind.

  62. Chas

    Thanks Marie, for your appropriate words of wisdom on this subject! I am curious as to how you would recommend approaching the topic of “personal growth” when you are leading/managing a sales team, and want to guide them in this direction?

  63. I did share what I was learning with others. Some people wanted to hear about it and one person thought it was too much positivity. I stopped talking about self development around this person. I found that when I stopped talking about it and focused people followed by my example. So many people want to be happy and desire a change. When you leave you give people the option to look listen to your blog, vlogs or follow your page on their own, they have the option and it is not forced. I found that many pay attention to my quotes or my activity and don’t necessarily like or share the content but it is helping them. It was like they were undercover supporters.

    This was a great video! Thanks for answering this. I have found my PDP through my friends and great sites such as meetup.com.

  64. Simina

    Just the other day I had a moment when I was the smart enlightened girl:d I told my ex to whom I want to be friends that I will send him an e-mail about positiveness so that he could tell me his opinion because he’s a little pesimistic….. His sarcastic answer was: ” Ohhhh, lucky me” !

  65. Such a great post Marie! So spot on:-)
    To be honest, there is so many selfhelping programs, some of them are not very inspiring for me and some are plain creepy. So I very well understand that people feel strong reservations against this kind of stuff.
    I was approached in the past by people who were trying to get me interested in some selfhelp stuff and I was embarrased for them, they looked like they were on some pretty strong drugs.
    Then I found stuff that is suitable for me (like @Marie Forleo 🙂 and I was inspired for the exact reason that was shown in this video.
    So I never push this stuff on people unless they ask me, because I don´t want to put them in the possition I was where others tried to push some New Age crap at me 🙂 But when they ask me I happily recommend this website, because the people who ask tend to have same feeling about this stuff and end up loving it.
    Hope this comment made sense, all the best to everyone!

  66. AH-MAZE-ING!!!!

    Coming from a background of network marketing & direct sales – I try daily to UNLEARN business owners from ‘throwing up’ their business all over everyone all the time! It’s gross, annoying and is why they drop out rate is SOOO high!!!

    What you said is BRILLIANT (as always)….Don’t TALK about your business…BE about your business!!

    LOVE LOVE LOVE that!!

    Just shared your video with my networks! YOU ROCK!!

  67. Hello Marie,

    Your video was awesome.
    I remembered trying to talk to a friend about a fabulous book I was reading and that would be so helpful to her, she got on the defensive and with I good reason! I was trying to push her into something she did not want at that time, now I see things differently.

    Thank you for your inspirational videos!

  68. Akasha

    It’s very true. Unwanted advice never goes down well, even among the personal development crew. But I also want to point out that sometimes we get asked repeatedly about how to do things and it gets annoying. For instance, years and years ago, I changed my diet and exercise plan to resolve a health issue I had. It worked well and I have since added additional modalities, such as meditation, yoga, qigong and more, to the mix. I still have people around me who don’t know what those activities are and the last thing I want to do in my free time is educate others on what, to me, are basic concepts, esp when I know that they will find some reason to say why it couldn’t possibly work for them. So I stopped engaging in these conversations with people outside my small group of ONE person I can talk to about these things. (Gotta work on building up my posse).

    However, even among the so-called personal development crew, I get a lot of attacks because I dared to step out of the traditional work world and found a way to pursue my real passions: traveling around the world, working online, learning languages, and writing. They get very envious and start with the list of reasons why this type of lifestyle isn’t or can’t be sustainable in the long run. It really ticks off those in my age range (I’m 40) because they, the women especially, get very angry that I didn’t choose the get married, have kids, buy a house route and some of the single ones get angry because they tell me there is no way to have a romantic relationship if you are moving around the world. Except that it IS possible and I know lots of couples, even ones with small children, who are doing it!

    Still, I get riddled with these questions about how to find work online, how to move around, how to do a bunch of things related to my new lifestyle … and it irrirates me! No one gave me a free manual on how to do it. I had to figure it all out on my own with no outside help because the people who used to be around me spent a great deal of time and energy trying to prevent me from going for it. And, frankly, talking about the logistics of how I do what I do is completely boring to me. I’d rather be talking about the politics, economics, social situations and spiritual practices I’ve seen and studied in many places, not giving free, impromptu lessons and coaching sessions on breaking out of the mold and going for your dreams.

    That’s why I asked Marie a while ago about the question of whether you should start a business based on something that people keeping asking you for, although they don’t seem to want to PAY you for it, even though it isn’t something you are passionate about. These people aren’t going away. Every time I land in a new spot, all of the people around me, even the expats who have been there for a long time, start riddling me with these questions. I work on putting down my boundaries and holding them because I feel that these conversations are a complete waste of my time, but it seems that I have to keep putting down the same damn boundary every time. So irritating.

    Yep, it sounds negative, but after ten years of putting up with this, I am soooo over it. If I could just live my life my way and be the role model that we can be for others, that would be great. But, no, they always have to take it up a notch and start with the inquisition, which, frankly, makes me not want to help them at all.

    • I would send them to someone who does do that for a living! Here are a couple websites, put them on a business card and hand them out to anyone who starts grilling you!

      http://www.theprofessionalhobo.com/how-to-travel-full-time-in-a-financially-sustainable-way/

      or

      B-Schooler Amy http://www.nomadtopia.com/

      or

      http://paidtoexist.com/

      • Akasha

        Hi Tammy,

        Great websites! And I think that if you and I can find those websites by doing a simple web search, they can too. This is my point. Instead of looking for the information themselves or finding some existing sources, they just want the information on where to look handed to them on a silver platter. That is part of what bothers me the most ~ they don’t even TRY to find the information themselves first.

        Thanks for the comment!

        Akasha

  69. Usually I’m pretty good about keeping the self-help awesomeness to myself. I bring it up only in passing as a slight recommendation. Like when a gf says she’s having trouble with something and I mention the name of an author or a title of theirs she might want to check out. Then I leave it be.

    When it comes to awesome business advice I find…that one gets me into trouble. I know we all like to do things our own way, but I also recognize that some things just don’t work or are intended for other use.

    What helps keep me grounded is flipping the switch – how would I feel if someone “came at me” with this info about what I should do? As you say Marie I know I’d feel defensive as if I was being attacked for “doing something wrong”. And while I’m pretty good at quelling that at honestly helpful advice, its still a gut reaction sometimes so I understand it coming from others.

    Being mindful of how I feel and intend and the fact that it may not feel that way to someone else has been very instrumental in helping me tone it down!

  70. Baaaahahahahah – a co-worker in my office just had a huge breakdown, was swearing and angry and ready to quit – I suggested she go for a break with me, because, you know, I wanted to help!

    The break went well, and she calmed down a lot – and then we had a huge laugh with the others in my group (there are four of us in a room) when I got my Q&A Tuesday email – and shared the video with my group.

    Yes, it was my question and my co-workers have been subjects of my “teachings” for months now. They very good naturedly had a few good belly-laughs, and thought the video was fabulous! LOL

    Thank you Marie! I will strive to serve up fewer brains, and just offer them when requested. Now to find a face-to-face zombie posse in Newfoundland!

  71. Katherine Kuczewski

    This comes at a perfect time for me! I’ve been doing so much personal development and have some negative family around me. I had been debating whether to tell them something, but in the end I decided to resist and instead change my reaction to them. I no longer get defensive or let their comments affect me and it’s been awesome!

    • i hear you! what personal development are you reading? I’d love to hear your favorite reads so far!

  72. Oh my gawd! I SO needed this!!!
    Thank you so much Marie, you are a rockstar!

  73. Cari

    Marie, Great advice and such a funny entertaining video to watch to get the message across. Thank for all you do. xoxo

  74. Tal

    Perfect timing! Lately I’ve been blah-blah-blahing the ears off my friends about all the wonderful ways people can improve their lives. I’ve noticed some received the advice well, while others politely steered the conversation to another topic.

    I think I just get so excited about what I’m learning that I forget that not everyone shares my exact opinions or thoughts. It’s good to remind myself that everyone has their own path, and if they want to know how to improve themselves they’ll ask. Showing them by BEING rather than just talking is the way to go for sure. Thanks for this aha moment Marie!

  75. OMG! LOVE the zombie part… because IT’S.SO.TRUE!!!!! thanks for making this so hilarious and SO GOOD!! Awesome work team Marie! This was by FAR my absolute FAVE video you’ve ever done! Standing ‘O’ from NH!

  76. SMACK UPSIDE THE HEAD this morning Marie– thank you! I do believe in walking your talk more so than all the talk talk talk. People don’t take being preached to. BE your ministry instead of preaching. It’s taken me a while to learn this. I use to get so sad when others didn’t want to change and grow with me. I’ve released that sadness and just trust in my process and let others trust in theirs. My like-minded girlfriends who LOVE swapping ideas, personal development books and a-ha’s have formed a group where we can marinate in all the yummy growth together!

  77. Love this!!! I used to be “that” person. The one who loved personal development so much because it changed my life that I wanted to help everybody else and was enthusiastically sharing books, cds, videos, etc. I soon learned that not everyone was ready, which was really hard, especially with family members who I cared about deeply.

    Then after a heated discussion with someone, I realized that everything they were throwing at me (verbally) was exactly what I wanted out of my life. I was living the life I loved!!!! It became crystal clear to me that I was ready to break free and find a place to inspire those who were READY 🙂

    Energized by this experience (and completely inspired by what you do here at Marie TV), my husband and I recently started shooting videos for our own show about dropping the excuses and living an incredible life. We are so ready to resonate with other personal development junkies and people who have the guts to go after what they want in life!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you Marie for the content and community that you provide which uplifts, energizes and inspires. We have learned a tremendous amount because of you!

    ~Summer

    • that’s fantastic Summer. Your tribe is out there. Much success.

      • Thanks Cassandra! I checked out your site and love the name of your book! It is going on my books to-read list. 🙂 Cheers!

  78. Oh this post is so freakin’ spot on!

    I’m at this point right now! I consume enormous amounts of personal development a day (reading, videos, audios, you name it). Being a married woman I find myself resisting the urge to download my tips and tricks of self help on to my husband :)). But sometimes it just oozes out! Thank God I do have a PDP to share with! Haha I loved that!

    It’s very important to walk a balance with your spouse. I find that when he comes home from work, I try to cease and desist as much of PD as I can. But I will say this I caught him the other day displaying an attribute I talk about a lot from my self help readings. I was like “wow this stuff must be rubbing off.”

    Thanks again for this post!

    • I am the same way with my husband Kim.

      He just nods and gives up the occasional “oh, really.”

      That PDP is a must!

  79. Thank you Marie and everyone else for your comments on this topic today. It has been very insightful to read that many commenters have had this issue with their mothers, specifically.
    It’s fascinating to me to witness that when it comes to my mom I become 180 degrees the opposite person of who I am with everyone else when it comes to PD advice. So reading about others’ experiences and listening to the video was like a wake up call and I promised myself to change my approach with my mom and do what I usually do which is just ‘be’ and lead by example.

  80. you have to be true to yourself. sharing self-help is no different than sharing a great restaurant or sale on shoes. You naturally want to share it with others and that is okay.

    Presentation is everything. I find it is effective to GIVE people the option so share but tell a story or experience and then let it go. It is your power to share and their power to partake. Give but don’t be attached to the when they have to implement it just plant a seed and TRUST their is power in doing so.

    • Caroline

      I like this Cassandra, thank you

      • thank YOU. I think where my life would be if people got tired and STOPPED speaking and sharing truth. There are things it has taken me 20 years to understand thank goodness for those who persevere, lol.

        • Great point Cassandra – giving without being attached to the result is key! You can feel the difference; one feels like someone is trying to “fix” you and the other feels like loving shared information! xo

          • 🙂 Thank you Karen. You are right. Energy is subtle but I am trying to ‘fix’ you AIN’T, lol. I have had GREAT success with here is a tool that has brought me results, I believe it can work for you too when you are ready. Let me know if you have any questions. when I am ASKED.

            Other times, it’s just good news to share. I tried blah, blah, blah and it was REALLY cool, Woohoo, EOM, lmbo!

            Stay beautiful

  81. Melissa

    Bahahaha, now thats good…and oh so funny!

    Its always great but today exceptionally hilarious.

    The light is like the goods, you don’t want to share it with everyone. I find the more quiet you are about the light, the more people want to ride the train.

    The experience… instead of speaking about “The Light”. Exude it! Peeps will want to Bask in it.

    Marie Love You!

  82. Laura

    This is SO my problem! GOOD QUESTION! Thanks for answering it, Marie!!

  83. I just recently went through something similar with a friend. Your video and that experience helped me realize that everyone doesn’t want to change, grow, or go to another level. I will surround myself more by people that are like minded. Thanks Marie!

  84. cristina

    I always look forward your tuesday video, Maria, they cheer up my day! Pitty that for me they come in the afternoon!!! I like so much the irony and humor you put in each one Well done Maria please don’t give up this weekly appointment
    P.S. About this video, I have recently embraced “the walk my talk” mantra since I need it for keeping the coherence and the values in my life and on some issues it seems to have some effect on my teenager son. I guess this can be recognised as a bulletproof evidence of what you say

    hasta la proxima
    besos
    cristina

  85. Caroline

    Awesome!
    This is really something I needed to hear and never had figured it out:)
    I tend to try to influence people with some knowledges that I think can be usefull to them, but not only do I feel that I am bothering sometimes (“and what does SHE knows?!”) but on top of that their reaction actually put me down, just as if the fact that they reject what I am offering would “kill” the value of this that I am offering.
    It’s tricky though because sometimes people actually ASK for advice, seeing that you deal better with certain things than they do, but somehow the attitude in life is something very difficult to transmit if, for example, I try to advise them to see things from a different perspective, sometimes they start to question the value of my own perspective!!
    It might be a bit terrible to say but I feel less weight on my shoulders since I stopped trying to help everybody, especially those who are ok to complain but don’t actually want to change anything…

  86. I love this video! It is true once you discover the power of self help you want more and more. I was telling someone I was reading a Wayne Dyer book and she goes isn’t that self-help than sort of had a judgement towards me. I own it and love self help books, how else are you going to grow as a person? So I stopped recommending books unless I really think it could help someone. I first ask if they are open to it. That seems to break the ice a little and if they so no I always say no harm done.

  87. People get the most change out of finding their own way through their own insights. Even if you are in the health or wellness field, like me, it is still the most powerful for both people involved when we let go of other people’s processes. It is actually dis-empowering to approach people as if you know something that they don’t and you are the only way for them to be saved. We’ve all done it.
    Bottom line, people who desire change will receive it and if they don’t, they don’t.
    As Marie said, how you are effects people greatly. Even just your presence will do something for someone whether you realize it or not, and then they might even ask what you have been up to….

  88. Skyler Sweet

    What I have found is that if you surround yourself with like-minded self-helpers you will be able to level up faster. It’s easier to mind your business when you’re caught up in it.

    That being said… I still say what needs to be said no matter if it makes me favorable or not.

    • I’m not asking this to be argumentative; I’d just love to hear a bit more about your concept. If you are only surrounded with like-minded people in your business, how do you grow? I purposely engage with a spectrum of different people for the PURPOSE of growth. When I’m only looking through my own lens, I forget that there are tons of other filters. Filters=opportunity, perspective, brainstorms.

      • I wold not say that it is a matter of talking only with like minded people, but rather to people who are open-minded and open to other people’s ideas and solutions.

        Blessings
        DH

  89. Marie you are on point here. Very rarely do people follow what you or I may perceive as “great advice.” They will only do what they are ready to do. And in coaching, the goal is not to tell them how to fix their problems, it’s about helping them wade through the deep to discover the tools they need that already live inside of them. And encourage them to learn to wield those tools like a samurai!

    So this point of being an example, as opposed to talk, talk, talking someone into some sort of personal development choke-hold is a vital one.

    Thanks so much for the fun video! – Morena Vattuone

    • ‘some sort of personal development choke-hold’ LOL Nice!
      You just confirmed a statement I made to a friend about an hour ago on FB. Daddy often says that God will send confirmation of our steps and statements when we are on the right path.
      I believe that my generation is hungry for some figure or figures to step and be a voice for peace and reason. Some inspiration is needed but we have to learn how to build rapport before people will want to know more.

  90. Sachi Smith

    The preaching from the newly converted usually comes with a lot of “you should” statements….

    And as David Roth – singer songwriter, likes to sing, “Dont “should” on me and I won’t “should” on you”! (great song/great lyrics – check it out.)
    http://www.lyricsmania.com/dont_should_on_me_lyrics_david_roth.html

  91. sandi

    I hear ya. There are however people who are “religious” and are on a mission to “save” people and I find that the similar message you shared applies to them as well. Some discussions can get really “preachy” and full of judgements. This can be a turn off as well. Sometimes people forget they once weren’t in a particular religion as well.

  92. I agree that if you walk the talk, you’ll have to talk less.

    Happiness, wholeness, confidence, love, and everything else that we self-help zombies crave— is contagious! If we live it, the people around us will want to live it too.

    Great advice Marie.

    Best,
    Nakeia

  93. Yep, tried to do this, with my “first” husband….
    didn’t work too well, yet even just trying to share my experiences with him made him shut down. This was in the start of our relationship and I didn’t have the knowing, or experience to realize that our relationship was headed no-where!!!
    I woke up finally….and vowed that any future man in my life would be ALREADY doing his work and that he’s respect and be interested in mine on his own volition…what a difference that makes.
    Now I’m hubby Number 2 and I plan to KEEP him!
    Irene
    xo

  94. Craig Brant

    Yep!

  95. Hi Marie! My experiences show me that sometimes being a good example ends up with jealousy. :(((

  96. “Not all those who wander are lost” — unknown via Nicole Peel 🙂 Oh so true. I am learning to keep my enthusiasm and let life teach me how to ACT the way I feel. If you can’t teach it, don’t preach it!!! Learning to know and love yourself is a beautiful path…sharing your light with others is the way!!! Love you Marie and your soulful energetic vibration!!!!

  97. I can remember it like it was yesterday and it had to have been over 25 years ago.
    I was speaking to my mom about “boundaries” and how I would like her to set some and respect mine.
    You see she would just walk right into my home office uninvited.
    She asked me what psychobabble I was talking about and what personal growth person I had gone to. Back fired all the way.

  98. This video rings true in so many ways.
    I am a spiritual seeker and I have learned
    that only others who are really seeking
    shall find!
    It is disappointing sometimes when you
    see someone who truly needs helps
    and will not budge.
    But as Marie said, you can only be the change. And when they are ready,
    their teacher will appear.

  99. Eve

    I learned to leave people alone looong time ago, as a child, because my mother is REALLY pushy with her likes and dislikes. HOWEVER, I still have a problem with this when it comes to people who’s live choices affect me directly, like my husband. When I’m growing by leaps and bounds, he sees is, but I still want, nay NEED him to come on that jurney with me so that OUR life can move forward and get better and better.

    I do try to hold back and only offer bits and pieces of my new found wisdom, and God bless him, he listens to me and implments things. However, he is yet to pick up any of the books and read them himself. That frustrates me sometimes, but then I just let it go and “feed” him the wisdom over dinner or in between topics of conversation and that seems to work for him 🙂

  100. Marie,
    You are on point. There comes a time when you can let people know what is available to them and let them find their way to use the info. They may not be ready for the level you are on but giving direction and information could put them on a path they may need to follow. Or at least put self discovery in their mind.

    Thanks Marie!

  101. I really enjoyed this episode. Fun to watch and great advice.

    I’m an introvert, so living by example fits nicely in my comfort zone. But, once in a while it happens that someone I care about struggles and struggles and I just can’t help myself. I have this overwhelming desire to try to help.

    So, when I do decide to take the risk and offer some coaching, I try to take a baby-step, small dose approach. I follow a couple of guidelines to keep it bite-sized for those who haven’t yet ‘seen the light’.

    (1) I make a point not to monopolize the conversation with this topic. Yes, I am passionate about it. And, I too have seen that look in peoples eyes that say “What kind of Cool-Aid are you drinking?”. Ugh – I hate that feeling. So, I do my best to seriously limit the amount of time I allow myself to talk about it. I keep my time limit down to 1-2 minutes and I listen and watch for signs of interest while talking to them. If their eyes look alive, their body language is positive (nodding their head or tilting their head curiously), then they may be interested. On the other hand, if they roll their eyes or you see their bodies go a little limp – like they’re becoming one of those zombies in the video – you know they aren’t open to the topic.

    (2) I let them take action to show me if they are interested or not. After I feel I’ve planted a tiny seed, and I’ve witnessed whether they are possibly interested or not, I leave a bit of silence in the conversation. I tune in to what might come up with them. If they are interested they might fill the silence with a contribution on the topic. They may surprise you. They may have already started exploring the topic and have some insights of their own to share. Or, maybe they are curious to know more and will ask you questions. If that happens you know that they are ‘open’ and it is safe to continue the conversation.

    On the other hand, they may choose to use the silence to reject the idea. For example, they may have a negative personal experience, they may laugh it off and change the subject entirely or they may show other signs of “closed-off-ish-ness”. When that happens, I respect their choice and stop pursuing the topic. I’ll change the subject or comment on anything that can break this conversation so that a fresh one can start up. After all, “I can lead a camel to water but I can’t make him drink”. So, if it doesn’t work out, and my advice is rejected, I can still feel great about having shared my ideas in a gentle and respectful way.

    Just a couple of tips for those who can’t help themselves share the ‘light’ in small doses. 🙂

    • Caroline

      Thank you Suzan, this is inspiring

  102. This was GREAT!! …. I am guilty, as charged, but this was an eye opener, so no more unsolicited preaching! LOVE the humor that goes into your videos!!! Brilliant.

  103. Hi Marie

    That is funny as I just wrote a post about what is really wrong with good advice.
    Truth is most people may even ask for advice and if it seems too difficult or out of their comfort zone they will never follow it. I think we just need to live our lives by example.
    Most want an easy solution and if it is not they won’t do it. Like you say if they are interested in the subject you can get them on board with you.
    Great Q&A today.

    Mary

  104. People can be a lot like Blue Crabs. When you go crabbing for Blue Crabs – you don’t need a lid on the bucket because when you put the first one in – he’ll struggle to get out – find that he can’t and just give up. When the next crab goes in – he’ll struggle to get out – and the first crab will pull him back into the bucket to be sure he can’t. This continues with each new crab being pulled into the bucket to insure they can’t get out. Life is full of Blue Crab people who want to be sure you stay in the “bucket” with them. My experience is to leave the Blue Crabs behind – they’re not looking for advice. In fact, they’re pretty upset that you got out and they’re still stuck. Make a difference with your actions and have compassion for people who might not yet be ready for the next step.

  105. Early in our marriage I was always trying to “help” my hubby, with never much luck! Exactly as Marie said, I instead now use the show them approach and share my finds instead with my like minded friends.

    I also ask before I ever give advice if someone else brings it up. For example if someone mentions they want to lose weight, I might say do you want to hear how I did it or Do you need any help from me. That way they are asking for it!

  106. Great content as ever Marie.
    PS: and the lady who says “I’ll have what she’s having” is Billy Crystal’s mom!

  107. I agree that Marie Forleo is right about this, but it’s not easy! I know, I recently over-encouraged a couple of good friends to sign up for yoga, and they didn’t love it. How could they not love it!?!? I admit I’ve become bit of a zealot, but I’ve seen how daily practice has changed my perspective, made me physically and emotionally stronger, keeps me young and helped me to lose 10 pounds and keep them off. Seems I’m still learning the rules about passionate sharing, though: that it is wonderful to discover and live your message, write about your experience, and talk about living an intentional life with your posse (interesting term). But you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved and you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed.

    I’ll be keeping the words of Chrissie Hynde (Private Life) in mind: “You’ve made a desperate appeal now save your breath”

  108. OH YES! Learning that one constantly…EGO when will you ever stop seeing what others need and BE who you can be without judgment of self or ‘them’????

  109. Francine

    Loved this one, Marie–thanks for it! All I’ll say about my personal experience on this subject is, been there, done that, and learned the hard way enough times!

    But I do have a thought about PDP–or lack thereof… I live in the middle of nowhere, where I really have found no other “zombies” in my area! And unfortunately I have grown apart from and likely have also alienated myself from some old friends -thanks to trying to “show them the light”–sigh– but finally I have peacefully accepted that they are simply on different paths. The only thing is, they were really the only friends I had in my tiny local area before my entering into “zombie-world!” As much as I have sought out online forms of “PDP,” sometimes I just long for a non-written conversation with another human being about this stuff–other than with my husband, who is my best friend and a very patient and great listener but who also needs a break from my “zombie” world from time to time! They say you become like the 5 people you are around the most every day, but after leaving a part-time job to pursue my own interests, I’m really not even around 5 people every day! (I have no kids, no siblings, and no living parents.) I trust this will change as I start doing what I feel really passionate about and getting it out there, but in the meantime… I tried joining a free site called “Girlfriend Social” which is for the main purpose of finding new friends in your (somewhat expanded) local area–my town is so small that I had to network with the closest city in my area which is an hour away. Couldn’t find anyone on there with both common interests and who was willing to meet up with me. I was just thinking that it might be really nice to personally connect with some of the great people in this community, if that was physically possible. It’s really great to know that there are others like me “out there”, but it’d be really awesome if every once in a while I could maybe get together with some of those others as well. I love writing immensely, but the computer screen doesn’t talk back or interact! 🙂 (Okay, yes, it can with Skype and replies to comments and stuff, but you know what I mean!) Anyone here who lives around Northeast PA? Allentown? Harrisburg? Wilkes-Barre/Scranton? Reading?

    • Hi Francine. I wish I did live close to you girl. I feel the exact same way you do. Really! I could have wrote that post myself. I done the whole transformation thing and left all my old friends behind. Not in a bad way, we are just on two different paths.

      I’m from a very small town and can’t find a PDP group. I’ve looked and talked to maybe a handful of people who even know what I’m talking about when I talk about personal development.

      And that thing about becoming like the 5 people you hang around most, that freaked me out.

      Hope you find some ladies to connect with on here.

      • Francine

        Thanks, Michelle! The same goes for you! 🙂 I have gone to a few workshops/conferences over the past few years, and I always love those–such great energy! Just discovered Marie’s stuff this year, so I missed the past RHH Live conferences, but hopefully there will be other live opportunities to connect with people here. I don’t mind saving up for some conferences and such maybe once or twice a year, but a “free” conversation with a like-minded friend–or even a lunch date once a month or so–would go a long way sometimes!

        Oh well–in the meantime, I’ll focus on being grateful for my husband and for this community and keep working on myself and ways that I can best use my skills to help those who may be open to it. 🙂 That “5 people” thing I said just popped into my head–don’t know where I heard it, but for me it has proven true many times. I think it’s because we are such social creatures and don’t want to be isolated, so much so that it’s easy to draw on the energy and patterns of those around us, whether healthy or not. So my focus right now is to draw on my own energy if the energy I find around me doesn’t support the person I’m growing into being. I read lots of inspiring books and watch a lot of stuff on OWN–that personally helps me as well. I will just trust in the law of attraction and trust that a live “PDP” may come in its own good time. 🙂 Thanks for your echo, though–it’s true that a local PDP can be hard to find for those of us out in the boonies!

  110. So funny that I get this today! I’m reading the four hour work week and sent a quote from it to my mom just yesterday! Which I’ve done this several times with her and she’s never done any of my suggestions even though she says that she is.

  111. Awesome, Marie! It’s true! When we just let our light shine people around us including our loved ones will notice that there’s something magically different in us. We don’t have to preach at all because our very own lives will speak it out! When we change, people around us will dramatically change as well because first and foremost we’ll view and approach them with a new perspective.

  112. Denise

    You’re awesome Marie, I laughed a lot…so true!
    xoxo
    Denise

  113. Beth O'Donnell

    My experience is that someone who reacts badly when given loving and well-intentioned advice, insight or suggestions likes to react badly and believes it works.

  114. Oliver

    Hello Marie,

    Yes I have tried to spread words of self help advice to others using techniques that were beneficial. Normally, efforts are met with resistance in the form of:
    1. a look of stupor and complete silence (82% of time)
    2. walking away (13% of time)

    5% of time people saying thank you.

    To lessen the degree of unenthusiastic responses I wait for people to come to me before speaking and use more discretion before doling out advice

    Oliver

  115. This is so true! And I love, love, love the comments here!

    Funny… I face this with people even after they have signed up for a program of transformation with me as their life coach. I’m with you; Be it, and if people like it, they will come! Much Love!

  116. That’s funny. Here I thought I was the only person who tried to SHOW others the light. But what’s worse when people resisted it I just kept trying to SHOW them the light. So glad to hear that I’m not the only one and there is a better way.

    So instead of getting frustrated I’m going to walk the walk and talk the talk and let others come to me for advice not just bring it to them unasked for.

    And I really need to find a group of PDP to share all this good stuff with. I haven’t found a group like that yet but I’m on the lookout.

    Cheers!
    Michelle

  117. Yep! Been there. What added insult to injury for me was that my associates would individually ask for feedback in private but didn’t stand up and say anything when others said I was ‘preaching’.
    Hey, I like my pastor. He used to be a great boxer!
    I’m not uber-religious but I’m ‘mighty’ spiritual. And, if you put a soapbox in front of me… well, I’m definitely going to step on top of it. LOL
    Real talk… I’ve come a long way since then. Had to learn the hard way that it’s much better for my ego if I keep my nuggets to myself and bring the bounty home to the nest… the family like the you – Marie – and the readers of good things!

  118. Cole Hernandez

    HA! I just suggested my mother read a book by Marianne Williamson, and I was SHUT DOWN! \ I realized the hard way that some people prefer to play the victim. While I can change myself, I can’t make others change. Love the zombie reference, Marie!

  119. Beth

    Oh Marie, I just love you so much! “Personal development posse” So awesome!

  120. I loved this Marie! The only people I have this problem with is my 20-something kids!! 🙂 I get so excited about things I’m learning and I find myself sharing with them without stopping to realize that they may be taking it as message that I don’t see them as whole. I do see them this way – but I am laughing at myself because I know how I’d feel if they were doing this to me. Thank goodness they’ve been very patient with my enthusiasm!!!

    Thank you for this wonderful reminder – as always you inspire!!!

    Love,
    Karen

  121. It is so ironic because I was just having a conversation about this with a friend!

    I love what you said Marie! Thank you for this awesome videoAnd I really do hope our numbers are growing! haha I am certainly a self-help zombie/junkie whatever you want to name it.

    1. I think any time you really DO want to share something, vulnerability is the key. Acting like you have all the answers is definitley not the way to get someone’s attention. Especially someone close to you. But if you open about your own life, the relationship can grow. Always come from love, and never from lack. And sometimes coming from love, like MARIE says is coming from actions and not words. Maybe Tammy’s need to share with everyone comes from her own LACK of feeling she doesn’t have friends to share it with. I have certainly felt that. But the best way I have found to share is to share with vulnerability and love.

    2. I think that everyone is totally “in process” and we have to remember that. We shouldn’t judge people for where they are in the process, even if it appears they aren’t in any process at all. They are. I believe most peoples natural state is that they do want to get better, sometimes its just not the moment or the time for YOU to step in.

    and then again, lastly ill turn this into #3
    3. Sometimes giving someone a nudge isn’t a bad thing. I just talked about a “return to love” to a friend of mine, and she remembered she had been given the book by a friend of hers a long time ago. She never read it because it just “wasn’t the time” or she was “turned off my the language.” But the fact that a friend had sent it to her, didn’t mean she never talked to that friend again. And perhaps now later, after also hearing my perspective, she might be more apt to pick up the book.

    Personally, if a friend of mine had never pushed me a bit into thinking in a different way, or seeing life from a different perspective, it might have taken me longer to discover so many amazing books, workshops, people, teachers who have helped me along the way. But the key is sharing with love. My friend was so funny and inspiring I was super open to listen to her.

    It does take courage to share, and sometimes you do risk someone to look at you funny, get angry, or not be interested. And that has to be OK with you if you want to share your vision or experience or emotions. That is what vulnerability is. If you love someone enough to make wave a red flag and say “hey! there is another way!” then you have to be willing to deal with the consequences. And if they aren’t interested, its ok.

  122. Ok, EVERYTHING you said Marie is SOOOO TRUE! My family think I have gone totally beserk! I really don’t share much, I do the action as you say. Actions speak louder than words. You so lead by example here, it is the only way you can. If you try any other way you will end up loosing it eventually as they just will not see.
    Love Marie TV, Marie YOU ROCK!!

  123. Hola Marie! I totally loved today´s episode! I got into self help and spirituallity almost a year ago and ever since then I have shown in my own life how things can get better when you shift your perception. A lot of people arround me has notice a better attitude in me and they often ask what am I doing and then I start my zombie self help talk. But now somebody that I really care about is having a hard time and I wish I could help him but I don`t know how to do it because ..yeeeaaah he hasn´t asked me for help he only wants to hang out and I wish I really could help instead of just going around. Thanks for everything Marie. I love your work! thank you!

  124. Steve

    Marie … this is (probably) the most enjoyable video you have done so far (and I’m sure you will be doing even better things). You have inspired me so much, I’m going to go into the light … No, you can’t stop me … I have to go … I’m going into the liiggggghhhhhhhtttttt …..

  125. Jane Guyette

    So True, So True, So True. It’s taken my mom 8 years to finally ask for advice to improve her health.

  126. Stephanie

    I have children ages 18 and 21 and they are some of the most negative, “why is the world out to get me” type of people. Of course, I know it’s the age. I only started understanding God and the Universe in my fourty’s (I am only 42 so it has not been long.). I do find that just leading by example is the best approach. I have never been a “preacher” and do not like anyone forcing their ideals on to me. I do see a change in my social media friends and family. I see more spiritual posts, poems about God and love and less negative things. I have always been the ultimate optimist, even in the darkest of my days and I feel it is a natural progression. I cannot get enough either, reading books and blogs, watching videos and I even attended my first Unity church service this past weekend (which was so different than the church I always went to). I softly talk to my kids and husband and remind them of the good we have when they get down about situations or even when they are driving and getting mad a another driver’s mistakes. We are all a work in progress we just have to keep open hearts and keep learning and loving. Thank you Marie, I love your work. God bless.

  127. Those self help zombies are perfect…that’s totally me. But this message is great. As someone who is not only passionate about bettering myself and reading/watching as much personal development stuff as possible, but also about health and the environment, it’s hard not to want to jump on the soapbox sometimes. But I’ve found that leading by example is truly the best way. When people see the positive effects on your life they want to see how they can achieve that as well.

    I have also found explaining what I’ve learned to someone as it has effected MY life rather than what it could do for theirs makes it sound much less demeaning…Even if they need it more, I find that it’s better to let them come to their own conclusion about how something can help them rather than feeling like they are being insulted.

    So I would say “this book really helped me realize my negative energy about money and how that’s been holding me back, it’s been amazing how it’s transformed my mind and my life”, rather than, “You really need to read this book about the energy of money, I think it could help you”.

    • Love your approach Nicole! Essentially we all connect through stories. 🙂

  128. Love it! This rings very close to home and I love the advice! Thanks so much for sharing!

  129. Rashida B.

    I hollered when I read the intro for this video even before I watched. That was sooooo me. Thanks for the laugh Marie.

  130. I really enjoyed this video! Fun like always yet insightful.

    I was like Tammy so I can relate not everyone is ready to learn and grow at the same time you are specially if they are close to you…they might be willing to learn from someone else though.

    People closest to you will resent your change and success not because they’re envious but because they might be afraid of losing you on some level 😉

  131. This is a great subject, Marie! Thanks for this episode! As humans, we like to be right about things. Most of us like to share with others and feel good when we have helped someone else.

    As tempting as it sometimes is to offer advice to another person, I’ve have always lived by the rule that my way isn’t necessarily the “right” way, even if I strongly believe in it. Offering unsolicited advice feels like arrogance, usually puts the other person on the defensive and I feel like that is actually detrimental to any personal work I have done.

    When I see someone living their life in a way that I KNOW could be improved if they only heard the message I have heard, I stop and remind myself that it’s not my job to change them. Forcing or convincing another person to change something about themselves hardly ever works. They need to be motivated by their own desire.

    The best I can do is make them aware of the journey I am taking. If they ask for advice or want to hear about my journey, then I give it. Otherwise I just model the behavior that feels right to me. If/when the person is ready for my help, they’ll ask.

    Just my two cents on how I have learned to successfully do things. I have definitely seen other people gracefully offer advice but it’s not something I’ve ever been able to do with finesse, hence my approach.

    Happy Tuesday!

  132. Ninna

    Where was this video months or even years ago?! Well, better late than never! The reaction I received was bad and I learned the hard way. I now keep my personal development knowledge/developments to myself. I’ve thankfully also found like “goddesses”. 🙂 Thank you Marie!!!

  133. Ironically, I tried to share my love of you with someone else & didn’t go over well :O She was an independent contractor who worked for my business that I was having some issues with. Needless to say it didn’t go over too well…I felt as though I wasn’t be too pushy…but guess I was wrong. Any advice on how I could have passed the message on in a better way??? Definitely don’t want to offend anyone!

    Here is exact email that I wrote:
    Hey there Girl,
    Not sure if you have heard of Marie Forleo…. I subscribe to her newsletters & daily emails. She has an Online business school geared specifically for women in business called B School!
    I feel like I am already aligned with a lot of her advice, but have picked up ton of new tips & info to consider…she is AWESOME!
    As an independent contractor you basically are a business owner…so I thought I would pass this on 🙂
    She offers great advice, in a quirky fun (sometimes crosses the line type of humor) way! I think you will appreciate her sense of humor & the way she delivers her advice.

    Anyhow…check it out when you have some down time…

    This Clip (in the original email below) is on clients who refuse to pay…after you watch it, there is another clip about How to Set Boundaries
    http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/02/customer-problems-getting-paid/

    http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/03/how-to-set-boundaries/

    Hope you enjoy her as much as I do,

    ~Nicole

  134. Oh, I always love your videos Marie, great, THX!

  135. SOOOOO have fallen into this trap. People are polite in response, but I can tell by their body language (or lack of wanting to hang with me in the future) that my “hey you need to do x to fix that” wasn’t well received. Half the time these folks just need to vent or share their frustration to someone who will simply listen. Be a friend!

    Brain scientists have found that the same part of the brain lights up when experiencing pain as when someone is GETTING advice. And conversely, the same part of the brain lights up when experiencing pleasure as when someone is GIVING advice. So basically, we experience a high when we GIVE ADVICE but when we GET ADVICE we experience pain, according to the brain. Interesting stuff!

    Thanks Marie Forleo-leoleoni-o You are simply the best!
    Terry

  136. Very true. Sometimes I just feel that oh, nobody understands me!i learned just to do it and share it to people that appreciate it 🙂 that changes everything 🙂

  137. Lori

    Ok…Heres a question… how do you all handle people that are complaining all the time? I tend to give advice mostly when people are complaining all the time about a problem, then I fall into the trap EVERYTIME of giving my advice on how I dealt with the same problem…only to have realized that they never wanted my advice, just someone to listen to them complain for the umpteenth time about the same problem. Ughhh…how do you not have to hear them complain anymore…nicely…but without wasting all my time trying to give unwanted advice???? HELP!!!!

  138. Hi Marie,

    AWESOME Q&A …. When I found out I was diabetic, I changed my diet and was trying to tell everyone how bad certain foods were for their body. Hmmm.. NOW , 6 months down the track, 24kgs lighter, everyone is coming to ME for diet tips… How knew! Maybe I should look at becoming a health coach 😉

    Bronnie

  139. Christina

    This is so great! I have been experiencing wonderful things on my journey to awareness, sometimes I just want to share with everyone but I almost can’t find the words to express what’s happening…..so I have decided….instead of getting frustrated that I can’t find the words or irritated by the negativity that surrounds me, I am responding to it with love, a positive attitude and positive comments (because its really what I think and who I am)….its been interesting to see the reactions of people and what used to affect me really doesn’t anymore. Thank you Marie! <3

  140. Its true that you can’t change anyone (especially if they think you are trying to 🙂
    And you really can’t force yourself change either. You can practice being more of the person you want to be and really focus on supporting more of what you want from the inside out.

    The more we each focus on ourselves and empower ourselves the more we inspire others to do the same. Its really why we are all here 🙂
    That’s why Marie, you’ve made such a huge impact, because you are focused on being the best you!

    That is where change happens, in ourselves.
    xox
    thanks Marie, as always, inspiring topic and great insights <3
    Emily

  141. Sophia Katt

    Nice to hear someone encourage us all to MOOB! The PDP creation is probably harder for those in small communities, though. Not necessarily as many like minds..

    Curiosity–what is the process these days for using copyrighted material images like the Smurfs? Online registry, specific permission, or what?

  142. Malina

    Two years ago at age 24 I realized that I knew nothing about the world although I have had, whats called, the best education. So I started to educate myself in all areas (economics, health, spirituality etc.) and I was so overwhelmed that I tried to tell everyone. I wish I knew this things earlier because I think they are so essential for the life we want. I told a friend about natural methods she can do to fight cancer, I tried to talk with an other friend about why her relationship just don’t work. But then I realized that a lot of people are not really listening. They are complaining about their life but don’t wanna change something. Now I made “peace” with the fact that I just can not help everyone. Everyone makes his choice in life!

  143. A great reminder to us all to allow everyone to find their own flow by using our superpowers to naturally show them the way through our own actions.
    Love it.

  144. Jessica

    LOVED this video! I have been really pushing this with people in my life recently, especially with my partner, and it NEVER goes over all that well. I’m looking forward to creating a community beyond this amazing virtual world, so if you’re in Washington DC, I’m ready to chat! Thanks Marie for another amazing Q&A Tuesday!

  145. Marigold Gabunia

    hahaha your acting of not going into the light, Marie really scared me. I was watching your video with the lights off, that’s why 🙂 Seriously speaking, your advice is so so true! When I learned about passive income through investing in the stock market, I told my mom and siblings about it but they don’t seem to care. So, I started investing and when they found out that the interest is really amazing (heard from other people and watched from the television), my older sister started investing too. haha

  146. Ada

    Oh Marie,
    you make me laugh.
    I am so so bad at trying to improve everyone around me.
    It’s crazy and I know I get so much resistance from the family.
    I try not to but every so often it comes out. And…. then the universe slaps me on the head with it. DON’T Do It, Ada.
    You have to laugh.

  147. This is great Marie! i am def a self help zombie- gobbling more and more all the time! i love it- but i have noticed that not everyone does- and that’s ok. we are much more powerful as living examples than preachers. what i have experienced is that the more i delve into the self help community, the more i encounter people just like me who i can bask in it with. it may not be the case with older friends- but we must remember that although we hold this interest, it is not the WHOLE of who we are. each one of us is so multidimensional!! so it’s important to grow in those dimensions as well. our identities change, evolve and have many aspects to them all at the same time. i think it is important to nuture all those aspects because we are all truly unlimited beings 🙂

  148. When Harry Met Sally… love that movie and love your necklace today, Marie!

    Great tip and reminder to share what you know but no need to be pushy. After all, we’re each on our own path and will learn exactly what we need to when the time is right.

  149. Lyn

    Thanks so much Marie. GREAT advice.! When I first heard about Moringa and its health benefits, I ran to everyone I know “vomiting information” until no-one would answer their phone. Now, they’ve seen what it’s done for myself, my family and close friends, they’ve all come to me and asked me for information. It’s true. Show by example, lead with love and compassion and the rest follows. Now I have an army of healthy people around me and they have people asking them how they do it.
    The joy I get each day from their stories is what makes life SO worth living.
    Keep up your wonderul work. Hugs, Lyn

  150. Nika Garcia

    Marie,
    Girl you nailed it this week as you always do!
    I am visiting my mom this week staying with her and fresh out of B-school, plus she is down in the dumps fresh out of a break-up.
    So this is SUPER appropriate for me!!!!
    I really need to notice and remember that when she reaches out for advice her head is in a way different space then mine and when she is ready to work on her stuff, she’ll find the right work.
    My mom is vulnerable right now, and I need to lay off the let’s fix it, (you) vibe probably with everyone in my life!!!!!
    thank you for a hilarious and TRUE moment in my day. LOVE it!!!!

  151. Hi Marie,
    First of all: I love your video’s!
    Thank you for sharing your sparkling you and A’s to the Q’s.
    And yep, I feel familiair with this weeks Q – from both sides….Oi. For me know being passionate and sharing enthousiasm without pushing or wanting something works the best. The main thing I’ve learned lately is ‘laten’ – which is Dutch for ‘letting’ or ‘let it be’… Sometimes it’s hard when you see things turning to unexpected ways or in undesired directions. But unless someone is (or I am) open for change, unsolicited (?) advice is not always welcome. Passion or enthousiasm however can be a good ‘open-upper’ 😉

  152. I have definitely been that girl, and I do know where she’s coming from. When we’re there we’re sincerely trying to help, but one thing I know is you can’t help anyone, anymore than they are willing to help themselves. Rock on, Marie! I’m with ya, girl:)

  153. “Don’t talk about it. Be about it.” Great advice! Who we are as a person speaks louder than any words we may say.

  154. Jen

    Fan-freakin’-tastic! Funny as, but with such a super powerful message. When I started on ‘the change’ the light was so bright I was pushing anyone and everyone into it and they had their arms up around their eyes…totally blinded by it, and not in a good way! Since finding my PDP to have an ‘outlet’ with, I am SO much more up out of everyone elses business and people are joining our posse every day, every week! Life is as it is and as it should be…everyone having thier own unique experience and sharing it together!! Thanks Marie..You are a super-rock-star-once-in-a-life-time-kinda-woman! Mwah! xx

  155. Deb

    Oh Marie! Thanks so much for addressing this question! This is something that I have been wondering about for the past couple of months and have just changed my tack to exactly THAT! It is ridiculously hard to “crack” the Performing Artist market. SO much ego and resistance and I am IN the profession. HA!

    Thanks and loving your videos as always.
    Dx

  156. Vicki Shapley

    Perfecto! The perfect presentation of attraction rather than promotion…live it, be the living example of it..yes! And believe me, I’ve learned that lesson the difficult way…and ended up changing my approach to those conversations in a healthy way for both parties. Thanks for your usual great Q&A Tuesday!

  157. hi marie- this video was so useful to me as i am going through exactly what Tammy says. Unfortunately the people who dont share my like mindedness are all my immediate family & i feel so sad because i really feel they could be helped by all the things i have learnt in my personal development journey. However i do have some close friends whom i talk to about this so i do discuss my views with them & have stopped trying to preach to my family- but sometimes i forget & cant resist the urge to put forth my view to them – esp during family discussions at dinnertime.If i dont say anything then wouldnt i be hypocritical cos im not being my authentic self? that is a real dilemma for me

  158. I totally relate to this post. Quite often I will share books and resources with people and it doesn’t always go down so well. I think it’s great advice your offering- be it don’t just say it. I still need to practice what I preach too and this a great reminder to do just that because no one is going to take you seriously otherwise.

  159. My first time posting with my official website and that feels pretty awesome as a 2013 B-Schooler!!

    “Leading by example” is always best….but we all get caught up in being experts don’t we. I try to stay as mindful as possible that if someone doesn’t ask me, my “advice” is not really needed. Or I might say “have your considered this or that” and add why I think it could help their situation.
    Love the extra sass with the Smurfs in this vid Marie~
    Thank you for the wisdom and fun every week.

    • Congrats on launching your website Teresa!!
      Love & Inspire from another B School Babe 🙂
      Laura

  160. Beth Lucas

    This was a great q and a. You are so funny!

  161. I have had people who won’t listen to my advice
    start to copy my actions. It took me off guard
    when I first noticed but its pretty cool. I just
    try to be consistent now.

  162. Kim

    I was starting to get down about my business. I have been sharing with people at my gym and they seem interested at first. Then they aren’t interested. The take away message that I got from your “A” was that I can’t make people or expect people to want what I have to offer. I need to keep true to what I believe in and find like-minded people who see and want what I have to offer. Am I getting it right?

    • I totally agree! We all have to find our tribe…

  163. It’s more fun to help people when you’re on the trail of helping yourself, you just need to make sure their on the same trail or you’ll find yourself on the wrong path.

    • I love self help books and studying why we do what we do. I have been addicted to them. I suck them up like oxygen. I devour them like chocolate brownies. I go to bed reading them. I’m sure I have the answers to everyone’s problems. It is almost like I am obligated to make the world a better place. Thanks for listening…

    • Are you able to create a process or framework that will leave your staff no other choice but follow?

      Agree – sometimes what works for me doesn’t work for others and who am I to know what they need and what they are ready for?

  164. I have been so guilty of doing this….but caught on pretty fast that people can only “be helped” when they’re ready for it and embrace it. Thanks Marie, for another great episode. (And this one was especially entertaining! 😉

  165. More Zombie Advise *pounds fists on table* More Zombie Advise!

  166. Juwon

    This is awsome because I just had a big fight with my boyfriend last week because of this.
    I am reading A Course in Miracle these days,
    and what I was experiancing and changes in me was AMAZING.
    I was so compelled to share what I’ve learned.

    eventhough I wasnt trying to give advice how to live
    that is the vibe he got from me I guess.

    Eventhough I was just trying to share my changed point of views on life
    and he was trying to share his,
    the differences between how we see things made each other
    just FRUSTRATED.

    And after a long conversation, we hung up the phone feeling unpleasant.

    I agree with you Maire, that we need self-help possies.
    I jointed Skype group gathering of ACIM. and I’ll not talk to my bf about it until HE askes me about it.

  167. I love sharing all the little bits and pieces I learn about the world in all kinds of spaces. I can’t help myself! That said, I try to take it from a interesting info snapshot perspective rather than beating people over the head with all the amazing and transformational stuff I’m learning. Handled indelicately, it might blow their minds too hard 🙂

    Finding like-minded souls to wax lyrical about life changing development content is such a super idea!

    Great A to a great Q.

  168. Rebecca

    How do you deal with this when its your staff and you are trying to help them grow to where you want them to go??? I would love any advice as I’ve tried giving staff advice on what they can try or do to help deal with clients or improve their results but just it doesn’t seem to get through

  169. You can’t help people if they don’t want to be helped or think there’s nothing to be improved in their lives.
    I agree that you have to be a role model, so when people around you realize they need help or development they will turn to you.

  170. Meeta

    this was so hilarious & so true .. every time i read a book that has a positive impact i cant wait to enlighten others – home and work and friends … ha ha …so great joy is derived when i don’t practice what i preach
    so now i mention the book / advice and then just seek someone’s point of view or debate that out – until there is a consensus or a buzz off indication …
    but this was so true!!
    🙂

  171. It is such a beautiful question, I am soo glad for the question + your incredible answer.

  172. Im not one for comments but – Holy Backlash! Especially when you have to separate yourself from someone and can’t really explain why for fear of sounding like a jerk. Helps to look at them and yourself with love – like two little kids trying to figure out the same game – instead of judgement and correction.

    • When I started openning up to spirituality, I though I was alone in this and that I was a bit “off”. I had trouble sharing it with people because I was the one who though that I was crazy (my definition is spirituality applies to yoga, meditation, energy healing, psychology and various self help books…).
      When I started sharing my experiences, I didn’t share them in a way that asked people to do what I did or to join me (I did think I was crazy after all). I was just sharing what I was learning and how the world around me was changing with me… And to my surprise, people I thought would reject the concepts were very accepting of them. People I was telling things to wanted to know more and when I saw them sometime later they took my words to heart and embarked on a journey for themselves.
      I don’t think that I am crazy anymore – but have learned to appreciate that everyone has their own pace and all I could do is share my experience and lead by example. Somehow, against all odds people follow…

  173. Yep, I’ve made a few mistakes in being over-enthusiastic in wanting to share the light with those in my community who I feel could benefit from this. Through my efforts I’ve learned that we cannot take people where they’re not yet ready to go and in sharing, we need to be sensitive to ourselves and others and meet them at their own level. And of course the only light that I ever hope of shining is my own. When people recognize, they’ll energetically respond — or not. In other words, its not my job to try to change the world. The only person that I ever stand a chance of possibly changing is myself.

  174. Great video Marie! And so true – you can never force this kind of stuff onto other people. They’ll likely be more curious and want to know more if they actually see you putting it into action and proving it all works! Or if you say ‘I read this great book/saw this great video…’ but don’t state that they *should* read/see it too. If they’re intrigued you can then tell them more but without making it sound like it’s something they should do to improve themselves. In general, people like to come to that conclusion of their own accord. I found that connecting with likeminded people helps so much too – not quite so many of us here in the UK as the self-development field isn’t quite as widely discussed as in the US, but it is growing!

  175. Alexis

    I was one of the none believers. But my ex partner was into it… I never pushed her away from what she believed and loved.. But by my own stuborness and ignorance of this topic.. I lost her. She talked so much of it that i just took it as badgering and picking on me.. When really, she was trying to help… I am now enrolled in a number of courses and am tagging along with friends to seminars about this topic.. To better and learn about myself and what more i have to offer…And hopefully get the love of my life back.. Or not loose the next person in my life from my own negativity.

  176. Demitri

    I am laughing so hard right as I JUST hung up the phone with my precious mother and now realizing I needed to watch this first! LOL!*screaming with laughter* Its called ‘self help’ for a reason. Thanks for the reminder Marie and the colorful spin makes it even easier to digest!

  177. I see a lot of parallels between this topic and one of my personal frustrations – getting support from friends as I launch my business. I need the help as my business is a little different than the normal buying process so it’s helpful to have people out there in the world who “get it” but that’s easier said than done. I find that I’m pushing friends to do what I consider small things to support me but in the end they just end up resenting it. I think finding a more like minded community is the key and I’m starting to find them.
    In the meantime though, I do a bit of frustration towards them – I consider myself a “how can I help” kind of gal but not everyone does that.

    Thanks! Cristina

  178. Stefania

    Oh, I love this video!

    It’s happen to me when I started with Silva Mind techniques, then trough away eye-glasses and improve my eyesight naturally, then I became vegan.

    First I was introverse in talk about these not-normal things, after a while I started stress out my family and friends. Finally I consider them like my normality and strange things happened, family started get more interested and come to me to say things like “I am almost vegetarian” or “I did your relax this week” or “I’ve been more in the nature”, it was like they wanted to say “Even if you are not talking about that in the last period, I listened to you, I saw you doing it and I tried myself”.

    Nice!

  179. Sarah Noel

    It’s so great reading everyone’s responses! I’m definitely one of “those people” who when I learn about something new that I LOVE, I want to share it with everyone! And I just don’t understand WHY everyone isn’t jumping all over it too, and jumping right in! Lol… I DO get it now, and I’m learning and accepting that everyone has their own path and their own purpose, and to just let them be. “Just Love” is my new mantra when I’m feeling like I want to tell someone something or try to control them in some way.
    I remember when I first read “The China Study” I was convinced EVERYONE would be vegan if they only knew what I knew! So I was telling people. And surprisingly most people were either ignoring me or getting irritated or even angry and defensive. So I learned that one the hard way. Just BE and DO what I want and believe in, and let everyone else do the same.
    It’s hard sometimes to watch someone do something you “know” is bad, or not a wise choice… BUT who are we to judge their choices? JUST LOVE! Drop the judgments and control and just love. 🙂
    Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/05/who-am-i.html

    • Sarah, sooo true. i love what Marie said – ” don’t talk about it, be about it”. I think that’s MY new mantra. and PS – when i read the China Study i sent a copy from amazon to just about everyone i knew. hahahaha. I think 2 actually read it.

  180. Giving advice rarely works. Always, always, always, setting the example is powerful, whether in relationships, friendships, acquaintances, or even strangers.

  181. This is so true Marie! My whole life revolves around self-help and I get so tempted to “help” people. However, I have learned the hard way that some people don’t wanna hear about it! It works much better the way you were talking about it. 😉

  182. I totally agree with this! One of the things I know for sure, is that people are watching. When you think they are not, they are. Especially if you are getting results. Who would you rather be around, ” the girl who is talking about the latest diet plan” or the girl who just lost 20 lbs. Even if you aren’t trying to lose weight. Such a visible positive change is going to inspire somebody!

  183. I so resonate with this one.

    Over the last few years my whole life did a tailspin and I’ve completely changed the way I do life. I pitched nearly all my belongings (I now own around 100 things.. no, REALLY 🙂 ) and am currently building a 180 square foot house, and overall just started focusing on what matters…because guess what- it’s not the stuff.

    Everyone around me has had a really hard time with this, sometimes for reasons I can never grasp. But the harder part for me, is when I see so many people close to me struggling with all the excess stuff in their lives, and the ridiculous things they do to support it, I immediately want to preach DOWNSIZE! GIVE IT UP!

    It’s caused battles, sword fights even. So I’ve had to learn to simply share what is working great with me, and not redirect how it could be great for THEM. Ironically, this seems to rub off on everyone, sometimes just doing you can be contagious 😉

  184. Liz

    Lol. Fabulous video today really picked me up I’ve been on a spiritual quest for many years however my family labeled me “crazy”. It’s funny because I’m the one they call on when the real tough stuff is going on. Not so crazy huh?

  185. Hi Marie! Thanks for all your amazing videos! They are so helpful and always great fun to watch. I can really relate to this video and would fully agree that acting on what you have learned is the best way to get people interested in what you are up to. My partner and I run an art studio and residency program and we have really taken to combining business know-how with artistic passion. As obvious as this combination sounds it isn’t something that is often promoted in the “fine art” scene and so people often approach us wondering how we have gotten where we are. We love sharing our favorite blogs, books, etc. but we always wait and let people ask us for the information before sharing it.

  186. Building my own business has taught me a lot about human pyschology. And I did try to share what I was learning, for a while. But people who haven’t run their own business just don’t get it, so I found a few peeps that did, and avoid talking biz stuff with everyone else I meet.

  187. Lina

    Great video Marie! It took me several years to see the light myself into realizing that people don’t want to listen to unwanted advice. I remember I once went to a self help weekend workshop and it was great, I wanted to share it with everybody! I told my mother we worked on forgiveness there and she told me: “Well, I know you have nothing to forgive me for.” That was the beginning of a very pleasant and long journey into NOT giving unwanted advice and it’s hard but the rewards are worth shutting up for! 😀

  188. Len

    Marie,

    Love your style and insight! These 2 quotes I think sum it all up…

    “There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up the ladder unless he is willing to climb himself.”–Andrew Carnegie

    “We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.”–Max DePree

    Found them in the book “Beyond Talent” by John Maxwell which I’m currently reading.

  189. I know exactly how she feels. I was the same way and I just what you said. I realized the people in my mastermind and coaching program were much more interested so built relationships with them.

    Now my friends are saying “hey where you been”. And I tell them, “I haven’t gone anywhere. I just didn’t want to bore you with the details about the amazing things that are happening to me.” 😉

  190. So true! Thanks Marie. I’m learning to improve on myself while accepting others as they are, instead of giving unwanted advice. People will notice the difference:)

  191. J

    I am one of those people who are always trying to show people the light. I think what Marie is saying is great! I have to remember to be a living demonstration. Thanks Marie 🙂

    P.S love your dramatic effects hehe

  192. Mary

    Marie love your Q&A videos, they are always so informative. Thanks

  193. When I had a couple conversations with a girl friend about why she shouldn’t try so hard with guys, so that’s why I was trying to “show her the light about.” Well, shortly after she dumped me. She dumped me a month after I took care of her after her surgery, but first by proceeding to “be busy” then be “out of town” then I didn’t hear from her, then when I asked why I wasn’t invited out after seeing FB photos, she text’d me “saying” that “her friends didn’t like me after the last time we all hung out and she “felt the same.” And this is a 36 year old woman!

    Anywho, I remember just 2 days before her surgery we were shopping together having a conversation about men and friends. Well nearly everything she said about guys and friends were so insecure! Like “i always spend at least $100 on my friends’ gifts”…my response was “not everyone can spend $100 on her friends”….she then says “well i make $100K a year” and my response was “well I get settlement money for the rest of my life, but you don’t see me spending it on my friends”

    Also, she would make comments like “i don’t tell guys my age cause i get hit on my so many young guys i’m afraid they won’t want to talk to me when i tell them how old I am” and i’m like “so. but there will be some that will like you for YOU.”

    Another convo was about these “guys with money” she tends to go for. Her statement was “i have to keep up a certain lifestyle to attract that kind of man”, (meaning expensive $1800/month apartment, driving a rare model Mercedes, and her “boob job, eyebrow tattoo, and eyelid procedure)
    My comment “well lots of rich guys marry not rich women but they do it because they love that person.” Basically I was telling her why does she feel she needs to try so hard to get guys’ attention? The right man for you will clearly find a way to be with you no matter what.

  194. I sent my mom the book The Other 90% of Your Brain by Robert Cooper in the mail for her birthday one year.
    I’m pretty sure it wasn’t appreciated as I thought it would be. She told me that her husband said “that’s not your birthday present, is it?!”
    I thought she was going to love it as much as I did. Now that I think about it, yea, it may have seemed like I was being pushy or like I was saying “I know more than you, your life is screwed up, and here’s how you should change”. Maybe I should have done some explaining before sending it so my intentions weren’t misconstrued.

    Great post as always Marie.

    By the way, I am one of those self help zombies and it’s reassuring to know that there are others like me LOL!

    -Anna

    • You’re not alone, Anna! I have had this experience numerous times. Thanks for sharing this, it makes me feel better!

  195. Yes, I can totally relate. I’ve tried to talk with my Aunt who is at least 30 years older than me about the benefits of diving in and having support to create a live and biz that is fulfilling and satisfying.

    At first I was met with major resistance and felt frustrated that she wasn’t open… and although I wanted to, I didn’t push it (too hard anyways ;).

    Then I started to gently bring different things from my own experience into the conversation in a way that wasn’t pushy or preachy. She opened up and although she’s not running for the book store or to find a coach, she is definitely more curious about how I’ve got to where I’m at and the things that are helping me grow on my path.

    Leading by example is an amazing way to allow others to see what’s possible.. and who knows, they may just jump on the bandwagon!

    Great topic!

    Love & Bless,

    xx

    Laura

    • Hey Laura,

      Great comment! Isn’t it so much easier to just pull people up the transformation ladder with you than to push? That’s what I’ve had to learn and experience with several of my family members. I’ve learned that it’s easier to gradually and lovingly pull them up with me to where I’m headed in my life than to push them.

  196. Well at 57 years young, you can teach an ‘ol’ dog new tricks. It’s not that I haven’t given your words some thought in the past it’s that I didn’t use those thoughts in reality. I can testify how they can hurt you too. Am glad I have an optimistic way about me because it has sure helped to pick me up and keep on going. Your videos help me go forward and give me good ideas. They have been fun to share with some friends too, much of what is on those videos applies to many of us for various reasons too. Even when you have a cold and the sniffles, you come across happy. My negative friends don’t like this in me. Take care and am glad that the sniffles don’t even beat you!

  197. Thank you for this video, Marie! I have definitely been experiencing this lately. Ever since I discovered EFT I’ve wanted to share it with with everyone!! Whenever I see someone I love hurting (or someone I just met) I want to rush in an do an EFT script for them. Often people simply want me to listen to them…not save them. This has been the most difficult thing for me. I’m learning to ‘save’ myself and the rest will follow!

    • Anna,

      I just discovered EFT too. And, yes I want to share it with everyone. But, everyone is not always willing to discover what I’ve just learned. I think as you said sometimes people just really want to have someone listen to them. We can’t be everyone’s rescuer.

    • Hi Anna,

      I’m an EFT practitioner and I can totally relate to that. It took me almost four years to try EFT so I remember to be patient.

      Some of my friends love EFT. Others are not ready for it and that’s OK. I know they’ll all try it eventually but I don’t need them to try it. I don’t know if that makes sense to you but that’s what works for me.

  198. Okay, your videos always give great value and make me think about how to implement for the rest of the week. I’m guilty of a lot of the things you say. Sometimes we do just have to be in our own state of transition and let others do it on their own time.

    One thing I’ve learned is that just because we are ready to change or see someone else change doesn’t mean that they are. We have to understand that transformation and change come from within and can’t be forced by an outside source…and, sometimes we’re that outside source to someone else.

    Great job Marie as always.

  199. Merci Marie. Great video & totally true. That’s why now I ask people what they want, what they think about this even with my self-development friends. Things like “And… would you like to change this? Have you tried?… Would like to know what I feel/ sense?”
    If they say yes then I go for it but still ask questions. “Could it be that you’re afraid of/ trying to avoid/ …” and always add “but that’s just my impression on this” at the end.
    Things go smoothly like this. My friends tend to feel that they got the answers themselves but I can see their minds go through a beautiful, effortless shift. It works like magic.
    I also try to always remember that we are all at different stages of personal evolution and that we may need different lights ;-)…

  200. I love it!!!, my mom always say teach with your actions, and that’s so true!!, everytime I think about judging or saying something I look at myself to see if I’m congruent with my words, this is s big help in my life to be grounded and help others!!

  201. This made me laugh and was so dead-on. Suggesting a book can open a dialogue. “I just read an interesting book…” In the end, finding like-minded people is key to your sanity.

  202. Wonderful video, you were having alot of fun with this one! By being your beliefs people in your life will see the difference, will see the results of your beliefs in your life, and actually ask what is going on, and if they don’t like what I tell them I ask, so is what you’re doing working for you? People are drawn to positive energy and I focus on supporting the positive aspects of my friends lives and try to help them see that side. Even if they resist at the moment it plants a seed, and I find my friends coming to me more often just to talk about things because they feel safe and go away feeling more positive about their own lives.

  203. YEAH GIRL! Loved this & can totally relate. I call it being ‘the spiritual bitch’.

    I’ve really pulled back on offering unsolicited advice or trying to ‘fix’ things for others. It doesn’t really help a friendship or ME. I’ve really strengthened my ability to listen, be a sounding board when needed, and then focus on the positive.

    🙂 xoxo molly

  204. Carolyn

    This reminds me of the time I shared Gretchen Rubin’s book – The Happiness Project – with my mother. I loved the book and thought she might get some great inspiration from it as I had. She returned it to me less than a week later saying she “couldn’t get through it.” Makes me giggle.

    I have found that with her (and others) I have to be much more subtle in my approach. Like enjoying a good meal together, or sharing photos. Those little doses of happiness are easier for her to relate to.

  205. Shine your light! Only give advice when asked for it and always be true to yourself and follow your own bliss.

  206. I have found myself getting excited about being encouraging, and it can be hard to not have verbal diarrhea about it all the time! But I try to focus on how much I love to help people, and not so much about what change I’m trying to affect. That tends to go over pretty well – I have not had anyone react as though they were offended. But Marie makes very good points about talking with like-minded individuals about it more than just to the general public. It can be hard to zip the lip when you’re hoping to help people feel much better, but leading by example is sure to be a better way to spread the love! Thanks for a great episode, once again, Marie!

  207. I need a Personal Development Posse! I’m on an aggressive reading program. I feel compelled to share what I learn. I’ve been posting on FB when I finish the book and the highlights I think are most interesting. I’m on book #41 for this year. My takeaway message from the video is: pick the right audience. My Action Steps: I finally signed up for Twitter to follow my favorite personal development leaders and authors. I recently started a blog that serves wisdom in bite-sized pieces. I decided to be the magnet that draws in like-minded people in. I’m a new MarieTV fan. I’ve watched all 138 videos in the last three weeks. I’m building momentum!

  208. God Marie, you are so entertaining – hilarious!

    When working with artists and not being one – walking the talk requires some creativity! However, I have found that being a voluntary member of an Association that helps un(der)represented emerging artists really connects and creates trust. But I am not a member for that purpose – I believe in the Associations values, and yes, in turn it puts me in front of a load of artists.

    Then selling artwork to clients is again a course in creativity. Good food for thought, thanks Marie.

  209. This is so true, I’ve always tried to push my mom and my sister into these topics but you really can’t force anyone to it. Now when they complain about something in their life (that I know can be solved with personal development) I try to listen and be understanding but change topic as soon as possible.

  210. When I watched this video on Tuesday morning as I always do, I decided not to comment. I had a moment of doubt where I was asking myself if I was living by example. I decided right then to spend the rest of my week LIVING BY EXAMPLE and using that time to see if it was a challenge or if it came natural.

    I come to you today to tell you that it was so darn easy – turns out, I’m already doing it. And when I told my partner about it, he said I’m the most “real” person he knows. Such a huge compliment!

    It’s so true though. We have little power to change what other people are doing. But I really believe that if you do the work on yourself, it has a ripple effect into other people’s lives. Who wouldn’t want people think “damn, what is doing got cuz I gotta get me some” about them???

    Love it as always, Marie!

  211. sandy

    I stepped away from this comment for a while and gave it more thought: what came up for me is that sometimes we want to help people because we are not ready to move on our journey alone. I can remember when friends would say something like: well how’s your business coming along? and if it wasn’t coming along as well as they thought it should be they would say: “see that’s why I don’t believe in this stuff”. It’s almost like they were either waiting for me to fail or to succeed(in which case they wanted , then, for me to teach them).

    Overtime I would compensate for all of this by learning something new and then sharing it with them(when they weren’t ready) hoping that maybe we could work through the stuff together. I was looking for a master mind group with folks who weren’t ready to succeed. I then began to question why do you share and encourage people instead of seeking out people who have already done what you’re doing. Deep down I knew if I formed those type of alliances (with successful people) I wouldn’t be able to “help” them in any way.

    Bingo moment:

    Sometimes we judge others and then try to help them with personal development because it makes us feel “better” than them. But, our hypocrisy shows because we don’t hang out with those who have done what they have preached.

    So now I ask: what is the “payoff’ for me to give others advice or help others who didn’t ask for my help? Could it be that it’s more comfortable than being challenged by those who know and act their truth?

    Hope this helps someone.

  212. Mike

    I first learned this lesson in AA, trying to “help” my druggy alcoholic “friends”. I never preach, but sometimes if people ask how I recovered my sobriety and health I will offer thoughts, but always keeping a close eye on their interest. As you said we can talk and learn endlessly. And love it.

  213. Amy

    Good as always. Lead by example. I have found that usually people don’t even follow advice. They must be ready to apply it anyways.

    Love you marie!
    xooox

  214. Wow, what a great insight you taught there, which I apply most of the time… Yet I must confess: I have the urge to help other people who seem to be in distress; including some close family members….
    Well, you said it best.. Be the change and leave everybody else alone…
    It´s not easy to let go when you care so much about others…
    Thank you for sharing…
    In such a creative + well-produced video! Congratulations! xoxo

  215. Rebecca

    LOVE THIS! Thank you Tammy, and thank you Marie TV!

    I am a PDaholic, and after watching this, I need to find my PDPossie.

    So grateful for Marie TV and the Fab PD people here. MUAH!

    • I’ll be in your PD posse! hahaha. this was my favorite Marie Video. What PD are you reading now?

  216. So funny, how your videos are always so timely for me and my life. I am SO working on only talking about all my self-help findings when ASKED. AND really embracing the whole “people follow your footsteps, better than your words.” I read my first self help book when I was 19 (Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within) and it changed my life and it is so hard not to tell everyone about self help books/audio/blogs, etc. because you “feel” like you are helping, but like someone said above, one of the harder concepts of personal development to grasp is that everyone is here to walk their own path and learn their own lessons….

    Thanks, Marie TV!

  217. How ironic because I just shared the concept of EFT (tapping) with my sister on a phone conversation this morning. She’s been suffering with a physical issue, but EFT was something she had never heard about, and she was less than enthused. I had to remind myself that people are in different places in their lives, and when/if she’s ever ready, at least I’ll have all these tools available to share – upon request.

    Great topic, Marie!

  218. Ariel

    This needs to be shared to so many people. It seems like everyone now a days is a guru or a motivational speaker. Some stuff hits the nail on the head but most of the time it just plan annoying.

  219. Connie

    Dear Marie, as always you didn’t disappoint. A humorous presentation to go with a really serious subject. I am in that group of people who like to share with others that which comes naturally to me now that I have waken up to it. It just feels natural to me. And yes, sometimes it is not received the way I hoped. But I don’t have any expectations anymore. What I have is a sense of urgency. Even though the Universe’s time is infinite, each body has a limited time on Earth to make a difference. Too many people are “asleep behind the wheel” as they travel through life.
    Even though it might appear easier to surround myself with like-minded people, I find it necessary to push a few of our brothers and sisters toward the endless possibilities of change as well as its benefits. It worked for me in such an amazing way, and I “itch” to share it with as many people as I can. I am happy beyond measure. I know what it took to get to this moment. It feels that it is my obligation to share. If you recall the teachings of A Course In Miracles then you will agree that all self-help books are based on these teachings. Why is it okay for those masters to put out there books that open the mind to all the possibilities, and not okay for me, or you, or anyone else to do the same? Human beings are under enormous pressure to make changes, and to make them fast if we want to survive as a species. Perhaps the best course of action is to follow in Jesus footsteps and just preach. Those who feel the calling will make use of what they heard. Those who don’t will walk away, perhaps thinking “what did this crazy woman just say??”. Since I have no expectations, I also have no problems with negative reactions. It is what it is. I can live with it.

  220. I’ve given up on trying to help others “see the light” years ago. All it did was frustrate me beyond words.

    Now, when someone mentions something that relates to something I read, I will give them a small bit of it and mention the book/blog/etc. If they want to follow through, I’m always here to help them. That way it’s open ended and gives the other person control on his or her own journey.

  221. It’s the same in my field. I’ve been traveling the world for years as a professional tour director on tours and cruises. So many friends have said, “I would love to do that!!” I train tour directors but they won’t even make the effort. They would rather complain about their present jobs.

  222. Marie thank you!
    You are so hilarious! I always laugh so much with your videos. All I have to say is that I love your style and I admire you greatly…wanna’ be like you one day but in the health coaching business.

    Thanks,
    Brenda S Camacho
    the health revolution coach

  223. Marina

    It was a great advise for me – not to insist or presure people around me, just be a role model and talk about my knowledge just if somebody is asking me about it.
    Life is easy and not easy at the same time ))

    Thank you very much, Marie.

  224. I so so love your videos Marie, please keep them coming! Hugs!!

  225. I usually keep this side of my life for myself, have a friend who randomly shows some interest, however every time I go deeply with her, she switches off, literally. This makes me feel like the nuts in the group. also, because it’s something that I don’t walk around talking about it, gets hard to meet people alike with whom I could engage in deeper self development conversations or just share ideas. Living in a country where I don’t speak the language fluently also makes it challenging when it comes to find my tribe.

  226. Mike

    Reading these comments makes me realize once again how lucky I am that I have a good friend to discuss and and all spiritual ideas, we take monthly beach walks, and can’t stop talking. Plus I am so grateful just to have a female friend to talk to, with no issues between a man and a woman, plus my men friends …. no way are they listening! These days are so special, talk about eat, pray, love!!

    • Mike

      oops ……. any and all

  227. Tania Stanwood

    I have been reading a lot today about self help and personal growth. I have really found some great ideas, especially in the comment sections. I do want to ask though if any of you are familiar with Mae Chinn Songer and her ideas on personal growth and how you must try to train your brain to look at your beliefs differently to actually grow and change. Her blog http://chinnsonger.com/mae-chinn-songer-blog/ really explains it better than me, but I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts on if her idea of changing your brain to have better habits.

    • Mike

      Thanks for the lead, I like her website and just subscribed to her facebook page. I am a strong believer in habits being the secret to change, plus a mantra of just do it (when I rebel once again). Like exercise, diet, temper tantrums. I like writing, then re-reading it every morning, over and over. Sometimes taking years to make a simple change, sometimes overnight!!

  228. Hi Marie (and everyone)

    I’ve often found that when I attend a seminar or workshop on Personal Development that I come home absolutely buzzing with energy and can’t wait to share my experience and “aha” moments, but I’ve learned to calm the noise inside and ask my partner first how they have been, how their day / weekend has went and get them talking before I spill all of my excitement.

    • Dawn

      Great way to handle your excitement! I have been in the same position. It is usually better received when they ask you how the seminar went 🙂

      Dawn

  229. So true!

  230. Dawn

    Hi Marie!

    When Harry Met Sally is one of my all time favourite movies! I just watched it again last weekend! Gotta love Sally…..

    I totally agree with being an example and not pushing stuff on others. Eventually those who are interested will ask for advice or find a path that works for them. Recently my boyfriends mom started asking me questions about being vegetarian. It was a great opening is an opportunity to share while not push it on anyone. She was genuinely interested and not defensive and I kept it light and factual. Very fun! I also have a mastermind group that I meet with monthly and we are all growth junkies. We push each other and share our experiences in a place where it is appreciated.

    Loved the episode. Thanks!

    Dawn

  231. Samantha

    Hey Marie,

    I had to just leave a comment cause this had to be one of my favorite Q&A Tuesdays! Those mock clips were hilarious! And great advice too! I feel like all I want to talk about with my friends is self-growth and lifestyle entrepreneurship-type stuff. It sucks that a majority of college kids are all about “yolo-ing”. Thanks for reminding me that we should do more walking than talking. Gotta set that example.

    You rock Marie! Love your videos!
    Samantha

  232. Victoria

    Love the video, great tips Marie. I found it very useful.

  233. Melinda

    Dear Universe:

    I’m ready to meet my PDP (personal developoment posse). Woo hoo!!! Bring it on!!!!!!

    • I love that she mentioned that too… it’s an obvious answer, but something that I, too, overlooked!

  234. Oh I needed this so much! You were talking to ME, I know! You really hit my week spot. Always good to get a reminder. I will try to put my steps right so that more can follow! Thanks so much!

  235. The universe answered my prayers with this video!

    I’ve been taking part in this awesome seminar series about living the most extraordinary life and have been sharing it with everyone I know since I am so beyond excited about everything that I’m learning. However, when I try to enroll others in what I’m learning I get the usual “I’m glad this is helping you, but I don’t need this, my life is perfect.”

    This has led to feelings of disappointment and even periods of not talking to some of the people in my life. Glad you gave me a way to deal with this…love the idea of ‘leading by example’! Thanks Marie =)

  236. Ashley

    Just finished watching this video and it couldn’t come at a better time! 🙂

  237. Liss

    Loved this video! Am experiencing this advice firsthand in my life and am currently in a meditation group that I LOVE and am so refreshed when I get to hang around “Like-minded” people.

  238. This is great! I can’t tell you how many times I work with unravelling people’s energy from this. The empathic backlash from it – can also be harsh.

    Don’t tell – unless they ask 😉 and always model right energy!

  239. Another Vlog that I can really relate to! I really jumped on the personal development train a couple of years ago and find myself constantly telling people information that…well…they don’t necessarily want or appreciate. In fact, my latest ‘personal development’ exercise is learning how to shut up;-) It’s definitely not something that comes natural to me but I’m working on it.

  240. A lighthouse does not go looking for boats.

    • Kristine

      Ha! Clever 🙂

  241. Oh goodness, Marie you are so right about all of that. I loved your video by the way. I absolutely adore self help and personal development, which in my search for further growth I found you and now include you always as a part of my daily morning routine.

    I keep trying to get more people to watch your videos or read any books I’ve come across. I’m always trying to show people that they can reach their goals, and that they can be happy no matter their circumstances in life. You’re right, though. Not everyone wants to hear about personal development. I still leave little nuggets around on my facebook and other social media, but I have learned that most people would rather watch you succeed first before they give it a try. When they are ready to make a change, they will come to me for advice.

    Thanks again for being awesome and inspirational!

    –Destinie

  242. Heather

    Sometimes it can feel a bit distant where I am because many of the self-helpers I relate with are online! I wish I could go to Starbucks with a bunch of us and just talk about everything in person! Do you know just how powerful and creative that would be? Oh yeah!!

  243. Dara

    Marie, Thank you for waking me up to my annoying preaching!!! Just finished reading Gary Taubes books and Dr. Perlmutter’s Grain Brain. Trying to convince my Mother who is a bagel, rice, potato, pasta addict that she needs to agreeand change too….WITH ME and my new knowledge of the carbohydrate problem with weight gain and diabetes….she is very irratated by my sharing…LOL…will try your suggestion! Dara

  244. Best Marie Video Yet!!!! or maybe just the one i need the most. hahahaha. What are your favorite PD books?

  245. Ligia Villela

    Marie i loved this!! you were talking to me! felt you understands me perfectly!, totally agree with you about been an example ….that is the way! and its true they come and ask whats going on with you?…give me your secret…Thank you!

  246. Jennifer

    Whoa! Perfect timing! I needed that reminder. 😉

  247. First off, you are amazing! Thanks for sharing so much.
    I love this one. We have all experienced this on our path to remembering our truth. As we evolve our lens we view the would in becomes greater and we want to help everyone. The problem is nobody likes to think they are broken…..
    I love to talk to people and I just let the conversation unfold. They don’t want to live with, as I call it, the chains they forged in life. Once they trust you and feel comfortable, I ask if they would like to change that. That gets things going one way or another.
    There is an interesting belief that many have. They condemn the very thing they want most. So I make it all about them and only interject my challenges/successes to share an example that relates to the subject we are talking about. Of coarse, everyone is on their own path and we are guiding them towards what feels balanced for them. Not our own agenda.

    So good, so good.

    Many blessings,

    Jim

  248. Kristine

    Awesome video Marie!! I totally identified. And I never actually thought of myself as a zombie before – BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BECOME!! More yummy self help!! more! more!!!! haha

    At one point, I decided that I have done this in secret for far too long and tried to bring real people from my life on board with me. I thought it would be great to teach my kids this stuff, then they would not have to spend half their adult life learning it! The response? Blank stares, limited response, sometimes they ask “Who are you?” So, yeah. That did not work so well. 🙂

    It is okay though. I am happy and would not change for anything. (I couldn’t have changed if I wanted to! It is like a drug that I am addicted to!) It does rub off on them. And I have decided – as you have mentioned – that it is much easier to teach by example.

    The only thing that gets me sometimes is when one of my loved ones comes to me with a suggestion that I tried to get her interested in a few years ago!! I always fight the urge to say I told you so! Well, at least we are all making progress!

    Thanks for all your great advice … and laughs!

  249. RJ

    100% correct. I learned this years ago when I started changing some habits . When I spoke about it, I was rejected. When I stopped talking about it- people would come to me or Id see them following my foot steps. Its actually really awesome to see.

  250. Christine P.

    LOVE this vlog! So appropriate! My dad was a “late bloomer” into self-development and really pushed away a lot of people with his “I’m more enlightened with you and know better because I’ve read all of these books” attitude. Such the wrong way to go about things! There’s no better way to influence people around you than to focus on being an awesome, giving, thriving person and leading by example. The truth is, you can’t change anyone except for yourself, unless the other folks are ready and willing to make a change and then they still have to do it themselves. If we each focused on being our best selves, the world would change dramatically!

  251. one of my favorite episodes! Thank you so much

  252. How do you resist from doing this with your SPOUSE though?
    I feel like i HAVE to bring im along on my personal development journey for us to continue to work together. today I learned about how importnat it is t have a set schedule and use my time more wisely. so i started to make a schedule. My scheduel revolves around my family, so I have to include him in it. I cant just make my schedule and show it to him. He has to contribute to the decisions. But he doesnt WANT to. im pretty lost on this…
    anyone else dealing with this with a SPOUSE?!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Barbara, that’s a great question and it can indeed be very tricky when you’re talking about your spouse or anyone really close to you. We do have a great episode of MarieTV about a similar topic. It’s centered around business being a “homewrecker,” but the tips can still apply for any project you’re taking on – including personal development:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/07/homewrecker-business/

      I hope that helps provide you with a few great tips and you can get your spouse on board too. Thanks so much for tuning in!

  253. Tanja

    Story of my life 😉 Thanks for the advice Marie!

    I guess it’s like with children: They will not do what you tell them, but they will do what you show them 🙂

  254. Love you Marie and I love to share my weekly self help videos too! 🙂 Thanks for being such a kick-ass soul sister! https://youtu.be/3CCGe03z7V4

  255. I can so relate to this. I find it SO hard not to tell everyone how to fix themselves as it just seems so obvious LOL. Thanks for the reminder that the best way to lead is to be 😉

  256. Kimberly

    Marie, I am so grateful for this episode! I watch a ton & am grateful for them all but this one in particular as I am guilty of trying to help all my loved ones “see the light” – to no avail! I just want to help others experience the joy in personal development & so your advice has come at exactly the right time. Thank you!!

  257. Cheryl

    Omg this totally happens to me all the time because I get so excited when I am
    Taught a new lesson by The Universe like the Law of Attraction for example and then I feel an overwhelming desire to spread the word to my family and friends. My mom is so blocked that I have learned she is simply has no interest in hearing about how positive attracts positive and that her negativity is the reason she is always in a state of either physical or mental pain. It’s so hard to watch and it’s so frustrating that she is totally unwilling to hear what I feel I can teach her and when she was sad and crying and totally
    Depressed the other night I gave it another shot and you know what she said? “Why can’t you just allow me to feel sad. I want to cry and be alone can you not understand that?” That was it. I said ok if that is exactly what you want to do right now then you do it. And I walked out of her room and closed the door which she made sure to slam even harder in order to make a Loud noise and let me know that somehow me giving her exactly what she just told me she wanted wasnt at all the reaction she intended me to have. She wanted to complain and have my attention fully on her pain and negativity because for some reason that kind of attention is something she seeks. But I have already made the decision in my Personal Growth Rules list to simply not allow myself to participate or even be around any type of negativity because from my experience I have become weakened by people like this and somehow always wind up getting sucked in to their negativity and I am left feeling fear and guilt and questioning my own mind. So right now while I am in the early stages of taking my 2nd journey into personal growth using tools like changing the way I think so I can attract postive energy and people to me I simply
    Am unable to be a part of negativity or allow any type of negative vampire
    To even use me as a sorce of therapy. I am just not as strong as I know I can be and can’t risk falling off again. So I say to people I am sorry but im doing this important lifestyle change right now and I am not trying to be rude in anyway but what your saying sounds negative to me
    And I am too into this whole concept of positive thinking and can’t even listen to this. I hope you feel better let
    Me know when you do

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