Marie Forleo introduction


I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Devastating heartbreak. Sudden illness. Unexpected departures.

Whether it’s a business challenge or a personal situation, tough times happen for everyone.

Trying to “stay positive” and “keep the faith” can feel almost impossible.

Pain nourishes courage. @RealMTM Click To Tweet

And no matter how strong we think we are, unforeseen change can leave us all feeling quite vulnerable and lost.

That’s why it’s important to remember that even though you may feel helpless — you’re not.

On today’s episode of MarieTV you’ll be reminded of four simple concepts and practices that can be your lifeline back to normalcy — especially when everything around you is far from it.

(Ironically, you’ll see how we dealt with a few unexpected challenges of our own while on set shooting this episode!)

DIVE DEEPER: Setbacks happen. Here’s how to stop feeling like a failure, get back up, and keep moving forward.

Of course, I gotta ask…

Have you ever felt shattered and lost and had trouble starting again?

What did you do to get back on track?

I’d love to hear what helped you the most, either from this episode or in your own journey.

Please leave a comment below and add as much specific detail as you can.

Remember, there are thousands of incredible souls in our community who gain tremendous support, comfort and inspiration from YOUR generosity of spirit.

You never know what someone else may be going through and your experience, or even a simple affirming comment, can really make a difference.

Thank you for contributing here.

P.S. Before you get worried about me having a cold (you’ll see what I mean in the video) — know that I’m 100% fine now. We just happened to shoot on a day when I was getting over a nasty cold :).

With love,

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Add a Comment


  1. Glad to hear you’re feeling better Marie!

    Making sure to connect with support systems of friends and family is one thing I’ve found super helpful.

    Love the tweetable!

    • I’m totally with you on that Alison; my family & friends keep me grounded and their loving support brings comfort when difficulty arise.

      I feel a warm fuzz just thinking about it 🙂

      • Michael Foxx

        What about when we don’t have family or close friends? I can’t seem to find the support I need.

        • Kim

          Michael, I have found that joining sites that offer support can be very helpful. I like it because since I don’t actually know the people, I can be a lot more open with my feels. Hang in there, okay?

          • Michael Foxx

            I’ll keep searching. Thank you. 🙂

          • Jess

            I had a bad breakup last year and since I have moved back in with my mum to save a bit of money being a single ex dad keeps trying to arrange for us to meet up I’m not ready I have panic attacks when he texts how can I get him to back off plus my mum hates the family if they came over the police would be called just trying to live quietly

        • Maliha K

          I, too, am lacking in the friends and family department. And, personally, knowing when and how to go online to get the support that I so desperately need is even more depressing and daunting. It’s very impersonal and, for me, creates a feeling of longing for more up-close and personal support. I agree that not knowing the people helps to open up a little more, but also blocks the possibility of knowing the people that I do connect with from being more personal and fulfilling. I can share my ideas all day and night, but once I’m finished typing, I’m still left to figure everything out on my own. I’m still alone. I often feel that people who have support don’t truly realize the depth of the effects that people without support have to deal with. I’m usually a very optimistic person, but to say that this is a CONSTANT BATTLE is an understatement.

          • Maliha: I’m exactly where you are: very few real friends and no family for support. In the past I’ve found support groups helpful. If you can find a counsellor on a sliding scale – that would be good. As well as that, I’ve joined activity groups (where people dont talk about their problems) that are a distraction from my problems while having some company. Just remember: pain doesn’t last forever. Hope this helps.

          • April

            I am stuck in exactly the same rut as you. Most people have families and can’t grasp what it is like not to have that. When you’re stuck in a no ride no job, no job no ride situation with no support system? I mean. ..what do you do? ? I came on this site thinking is find something useful for people such as you and I and all I get is the same old, “friends and family are a great help! ” no sh*t, can you tell me where to get a family somewhere? ? I mean really. ..

          • Pattie

            MALIHA K,
            I don’t have a support system either. My parents have left me these past two years, no friends, and my husband and children are just not able to be there for me. There’s drama there of course. They don’t know what to do, don’t understand, and have too much on their own plates themselves. There’s no one left to work on – or will allow me to push myself on and I have no one to rescue me. Because I am so empty, I can’t be there for myself. I have the worst job record imaginable and am in my 50’s. Youth is no longer on my side. I am sick of trying things to reinvent myself – nothing has worked. The worst part if it is that not only is belief in myself so unimaginable, but I don’t have any interests to tap into. I have failed at so much, I am scared to death that if I take on one more thing that does not work, I won’t recover.

          • Caroline - Team Forleo

            Hi Pattie, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling so alone and scared to take on something new. It’s especially tough if you don’t have that support system in place.

            Even if you don’t have someone in your world at the moment who can be a source of support, it can be so helpful to be kind to yourself. It’s also possible to connect with others — I’m not sure if you saw Renee’s reply to Maliha, but she has some great suggestions above for creating your own support system.

            We did a really beautiful episode a while back that talks about moving forward after facing failures and setbacks, and I thought I might share that in case it’s helpful: Marie and our guest, Dr. Cathy Collautt share some beautiful insights.

            Another thing I really love is one of Elizabeth Gilbert’s suggestion in her book Big Magic about just following your curiosity. There’s so much pressure to “figure things out” and “follow your passion,” and it can be really hard to do that, especially if we’re feeling the sting from things not working in the past. Something about the word curiosity has a gentleness to it — like a permission slip to just explore things you might like and see where it leads. Maybe there’s something you’d like to dabble in — not even as a career goal, but something to try even as a hobby. Adding things to your life that feel good and bring fulfillment can do so much for your well-being, and could possibly even lead to something you might like to do next.

            We’re sending so much love and best wishes your way!

          • Nadine

            Malhia, and anyone else feeling this way, I understand how this must feel. I have a friend who was experiencing the same. Sometimes your own mindset can be the one true support you need. I helped my friend change her thoughts from seeing her situation and lack of friends and family as an obstacle that can’t be fixed, into an opportunity to go out on her own and do what she loved doing as a child, taking photos of her day. Within 2 weeks she had found her passion and a new friend. Whilst in the park she walked into a lady who was sitting on the grass, so engrossed in trying to follow a squirrel to photograph. She apologised and explained about the squirrel. The lady told her she sits there to watch them, and if she wanted she can sit with her to get good photos. From there they became friends and even been on holiday together. If you can change your thoughts from I can’t to I will then opportunities will show themselves in the journey and a new life can be created . Love to you all ?

          • Marissa

            I just want to say that you are a beautiful writer! concise and clear. hope you are finding more of what you want in life. push past your fears, if those are holding you back 🙂

          • Quinn

            I know this feeling. I have lost connection with my family due to ongoing abuse that I don’t want to be the target of and have few close friends. Online groups are goid, but do not feel the same:/

          • Angel

            I am currently in the same position. I try not to judge people regardless of how they look where they come from it what others say but only go by how they do me. I’m far from perfect I raised 3 kids alone best I could now they act as if there better than I am cause I gave till I was homeless trusted till I can’t anymore. Money seems to decide who’s in my life. I have none so have no one. I’m so alone my emotional pain feels physical. Don’t know how much more I can take honestly, I been in many dark places in life that many don’t come back from but this one well this one’s different. Bring older you don’t want just anyone and won’t settle for just anyone not even long enough to pull you out of the darkness cause your already know they can’t. I’m sorry for your pain and I hope it has gotten better for you since writing this I would wish this on none but even my worst enemy and I can’t promise it will get better and for that I’m sorry. But know you are not alone and you are definitely understood on a personal level. I wish I could be of more help.

        • Jon

          Hi. My names jon m. I’m losing hope. Can’t se r m to find a job in this small town. My girlfriend is supporting both of us and that is on the up and down. Friends are fading. Emotions are getting to me and I don’t know where to go. Left? Right? I have nothing. Please help. I’m not sure how much longer I can take 🙁

          • Monchi

            Dallas is a booming economy where your business would take off

          • Dean

            Don’t be like me I’ve been passing jobs that don’t seem good enough which is really crazy because no job is worse then anything. I started with taking jobs with lower pay to get out of the rut of laying in bed sulking it’s built up my self esteem soon as I finish this next job. I will take something more routine. Just don’t give up to get those odd jobs I posted on Facebook willing to work free just to get out and someone from my past answered and actually had work that payed. I was going to say good luck but luck doesn’t have anything to do with it. Make it happen hit local businesses show them your adamant about working and doing a good job.

        • April

          Touche, tell me when you figure that out, I can’t seem to figure it out either. I have almost come to the conclusion that people with no support system are just doomed. There are no answers.

          • Caroline - Team Forleo

            April, thank you for stopping by and sharing both of your comments here. We absolutely understand how difficult it can be when you don’t have friends or family you can rely on. There are a lot of tips out there about going to your support network, and while that can be a great source of comfort for a lot of people, that suggestion can sting for those who don’t have that kind of support.

            I’m not sure if you saw Renee’s reply to Maliha K above, but she suggested checking out support groups and counseling, or activity groups (that aren’t problem focused), so that might be something to check out.

            Not all of us may have close network of family or friends, but that doesn’t mean it has to stop us.

            Being kind and gentle with yourself — in other words, being your OWN support system and showing yourself love and self-care can help so much. And of course even if we might not have friends or a biological family, we can actually meet people and create our own support system. That could be in person or even online. There are lots of ways to connect and feel like a part of something, even just by tuning in here and commenting alongside the incredible people in our community.

            I hope that helps, and we’re sending so much love your way!

          • Elizabeth

            I feel you April, I came to this site because I litterally have nothing my roof collapsed everything I worked so hard for is gone me and my children have like 4 outfits I wasn’t abused so I dont qualify for any shelters I have no one to give me rides to try and find work I dont have sitters I dont understand why im so alone im a really loyal loving person but I was told you shouldn’t rely on anyone but yourself I understand that but I dont know how to pull my life together without any help I’ve been jealous of my sister she has it so easy my parents help her with everything and she has friends that do so much for her and she doesn’t even realize what she has I wish she could feel how I feel just one day I break down every night because I just don’t see a way out I have kids that need me to step up and give them the life they deserve and I just cant seem to do it

        • Jon Syme

          O.k. Michael, you will probably have to read this over 3 or 4 times to get any value out of it. I’m 80 years old. talented in all areas of Design, Construction, engineering and all trades. Was an actor of stage and screen. Commercial print, fashion modeling and love dancing. I was a failure in school. learning came very difficult although I liked school. not a big sports fan. was always told I was stupid and never amount to anything. graduated high school with a GED. Hung around with folks of higher learning picking up on there dialog and language skills. Saved my friends life that broke his neck in a diving accident. Married a girl that I went to school with since 5th grade. She was the Black sheep of her family as was I. Raised two son’s that served in Navy as pilots and now fly for a popular Airlines. Now get this!! The single most important golden Nugget that helped me the most was the word of GOD. We are all God’s children. He speaks through out the bible in terms that will help you with whatever crossroads you are at. Find yourself a good Bible based church. Get a good Teaching Bible. Go to Bible study. Ask God for help in understanding his ways. He gave his only son who died for us and saved us from sin. Jesus Christ is my best friend. He is always there for me. he is there for you if you will humble yourself and come to Christ. It is through Christ that you ask God to help and shepherd you in life. Read and study the Lords Prayer. over and over until you understand what he is telling you. Walk in Faith Michael. Trust in the Lord. Amen

          • Can

            Jon, your message for Michael is BEAUTIFUL!! Thank you for sharing it; it was also an incredible reminder for me when I didn’t even realize I needed it. Blessings!

      • Lucy

        Your comment interests me very much. Because I have the completely opposite issue from my family. I don’t understand! I feel more grounded when I’m not around them, however I feel sad and lonely without them…so messed up!

    • Me too, Alison! There’s nothing like surrounding yourself with the people you love. This and a positive outlook works every time!

    • Alison, connecting and being around my support systems is something I really need to focus on too.

      I lost it last week, full on anxiety breakdown in front of my man. I just couldn’t fake being happy in my life anymore. In fact I’ve been stone cold miserable. Don’t leave the house, don’t see my friends, don’t have a job, live at home. I felt so beaten down.

      I wrote about it on my blog & felt all empowered and then got to yesterday & felt like a total failure yet again.

      I happen to read Kat Loterzo’s ‘Think Thin’ (she’s giving it away for free this week) and there was a part in it about being nice to yourself and believing in yourself. i thought ‘yeah, whatever I do it’s just hard’ but then the chapter carried on to a wonderful part about pumping yourself up with belief, conviction and power. Rather than repeating the same ol “I’m a failure, I’ll never have the life that I want. Everything’s gone to s**t, I wish I never started working on myself” I change it do “Wtf? I’m Elise f**king McDowell, I can DO this! Why? Cuz I’m a muthalovin’ superstar! I don’t need to get successful, be rich or feel vibrant. I’m all of those things right now dammit!”

      And ya know what? I felt like I was. That one little snippet changed my whole perspective. And today? I had the most incredible day! I got out, I kicked my ass working out, I even did my tax return joyfully!

      My missing ingredient has been unshakable belief in myself. Well no more!

      I hope this helps you if you’re struggling atm. And if anybody out there who has been through something similar and come out on top, I’d love your tips & advice!

      • THIS!!!! I love this!!! I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed and I am trying to keep myself from shutting down. Reading your comment is just a reminder for me to fully surrender and belief that I’m doing the right thing. Thank you!! (((hugs)))

      • Hannah

        Wow, Elise. You have just completely described how I’ve been feeling and my exact situation right now. I’m feeling like such a failure. I managed to get a really fun looking internship and now I’m worried it’s not going to bring anything good to my life and is hardly worth my time. I’m finding myself getting so overwhelmed and teary! So annoying, I never use to be like this. I use to be so strong but I feel like life is going by and I having nothing to show for it.

        Thanks for giving me a little boost of hope that I will start feeling better and to start believing in myself

        • Re: fun looking internships: The fact that your internship is not all it seemed is NOT a failure on your part. Not even a little bit. Internships are, for the most part, a way for companies to scrape off their boring grunt work onto young, innocent and desperate people for nothing. Do NOT beat yourself up for getting scammed–it’s a huge economic gestalt, along with astronomical student loan debt, that’s putting millions of people like you in untenable situations.

          Even so, there are ways to salvage something from the wreckage. Pay attention; there may be one or two people you can work with and get good references from, procedures and systems you can learn, ideas you can implement for your next step. No experience is wasted. The most important skill you can learn is asking for help. If you can figure out how to get someone to mentor you, even in a small way, you’ve gotten the best there is to get out of the situation.

        • Biljana

          Feels like reading my own words, and it feels good just to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Not that I’m happy you’re miserable, by no means! It’s just that it makes you feel less of a useless, hopeless failure when you know others are going through similar things 🙂

          Great video Marie, and just in time. I think I’ll put it on my iPod and listen to it daily!

          Good luck, Hannah, and everybody else!

      • Elise thank you so much for this!!! I’ve been going through many moments of self-doubt, lack of motivation, and insecurity lately. You’re comment really helped give me that kick in the pants I needed. Thanks for the tip about the book, I’ll have to check it out! I wish you much success and happiness!!!!

        Thanks again!

      • I’ve had to give myself a ‘talking to’ on numerous occasions and you’re absolutely right, it does work!

        I now practice every day being patient and kind to myself so if I do have an ‘off’ day, I don’t beat myself up over it, I just get back on track as soon as I can and keep going.

      • What a great conversation!

        Elise, your trick of re-framing your attitude is a great way to get out of a funk. Sometimes just taking that next, small step in front of you (even if you don’t feel like it) can also be helpful.

        The only other thought I had was to offer that everyone has good days and bad days en route to a goal. It’s not supposed to be happiness and sunshine all the time. If it was you wouldn’t be challenging yourself to grow.

        Hang in there!

      • Nik

        Write about my life why don’t you, Elise! Lol.

        This is a timely video. Right now I feel like I’m in the middle of a sh*t storm of personal failure and disappointment and trying to keep the faith – in myself, my abilities, life, something greater – has been quite the task. It’s hard. I’m currently going through a break-up, health issues and feeling unsuccessful in my professional endeavors.

        But like Marie advised, I decided I’m going to take one step at a time. One day at a time. I won’t get caught up in the murky thinking in my mind.

        Coincidentally I came across a piece last night where the speaker said we have to start saying to ourselves “I am worthy of _________.”
        For me that word is healing, and as I said it I felt a shift.

        Thanks for sharing, Marie. Your videos are always helpful, informative, and fun. I look forward to them, and this one is going into my Faves!

      • Elise f**king McDowell, YOU are my HERO!!! I needed to hear your message of bravery and self-belief. Good for you and I wish you the best!

      • You keep being your badass self, Elise. It may sound trite to say “this too shall pass”, but when you really believe in your own awesomeness it really DOES pass eventually.

      • I totally can agree I have been out of work for three years and I have been trying to get my name out there but this last year I shut everything down and started working on me. Focusing on me and it has been so good. I still have those moments of self doubt and I wine to my husband about how worthless I am but then I go on the internet and find hundred reason why I’m #fabulous! I get up the next day after my pitty party and start over again with strength!

      • Elise, I’m with u girl! I just signed up for your newsletter (gorgeous website by the way!) and can relate to many of your feelings. I recently moved back to my hometown, NJ after being away for 10 years. I got back 2 days before hurricane Sandy, was not prepared for the winter at all (had been living in San Diego), realized that as a single gal in my 30’s all of my friends that were still around were married and had kids, and had to start over from scratch with my biz. It was definitely a time of emotional turbulence…to say the least. What has helped me was consistent meditation, support from friends (phone and email have been working just as good as in person since my deepest friendships are all over), crying, and something called the I Ching. I learned about the I Ching in acupuncture school and it has helped tremendously get through times of overwhelm, stress, confusion etc etc. It’s so amazing that after B-school (I just finished up) i was inspired to start my business around it! And my friends and clients have been blown away by how powerfully it helps shift from that anxious, overwhelmed, tunnel vision state, to acceptance, peace, confidence, and a birds-eye view of the situation. You should totally check it out. Google it, or ask me. I’d love to tell ya about it. Thanks for and in ur blog!! xoxo

        • Hi Dana

          Thanks for sharing your story. I’m a Shiatsu therapist and I’d love to hear more about the I Ching 🙂 I also love to meditate, it’s been a real life changer for me.


          • Hi Rebecca!

            Just read your story on your site. Its amazing how our challenges guide us into amazing experiences. I have never had shiatsu but knew a lot of people in school who swore by it. I would love to tell you more about my experience with the I Ching. Shoot me an email if you want to connect!

      • Yael

        One little shift makes a world of difference…thanks for the reminder. And yes, we don’t have to wait for something to happen in the future to be happy!

      • THANK YOU! I’ve watched this twice and it won’t be the last. So much inspiration and helpful direction. I’m also in a crossroads and needed this more than I can describe.

        Elise thanks for sharing the great insight on believing in yourself. I hadn’t seen it in me before you said it – but I have also been living with chronic dis-belief in myself. Where did this come from is something I need to break apart.

        Thank you for sharing – so helpful!

      • Nadin

        Dearest Elise,

        Not sure what exactly you went through, but you caught me on the last line. I’m a mom, wife, entrepreneur, teacher, owner of my school, friend, and you catch the drift. Lets just say I have gone through a recent battle in Oct. That shook my entire work, dream, and family. In two weeks I find out that the four people in my life I thought wanted the best for me and were my friends, colleagues etc. Actually were nothing near what I thought, the sad part is I was so busy, working on my school, and my family. Here I was for the past 8 years building this dream of mine, and now it has come true! Two years here I am working so hard to make this school the best for my children and other families with the help and presence of these four, while I thought they were a friend. They were not! I found out the hard way in two weeks, God wanted to show me who they really were and what they wanted. So imagine In two weeks I almost lose my business, my husband, my sanity and my children. So for one month I’m at my worst! Thinking why me why, how can someone be so mean, how can someone be able to take someone work and make theirs, AND THEN get away with it!

        HERE is what I DID! I gave it time, and I listened to my surroundings, I lost trust in man but didn’t loose trust in life! I chose ME, It was a blessing in disguise! I took what they did and felt FLATTERED that they tried everything to bring me down, to delay my expansion, my ability! They felt intimated that this was going great for me and they didn’t want to help anymore they wanted to take take take at the cost of our friendship. I did ME, and everyday is a struggle sometimes but I get through it by saying its OKAY, ME first and the rest will follow.

        Take your time, and understand if we don’t have humility within our souls of understanding and forgiving those who hurt us, we will never understand self-reliance and self-love. Because at the end of the day you are crying, you are stressed, you are doing this to you, not them, they were done after and are living! So don’t allow others delusions of you or what they do after or think after become yours. Your the master of your emotions and your WILL takes you to thinking YOU FIRST!

        Its now two months after that storm and you know that saying whatever happens must come back around again, from rock bottom I am back to successful, and found out that all my clients that left me at the time, are all now back sharing stories on how they should of stayed, I have regained all my clients in three days, and added more! And actually working on getting funding to publish my own book. To add the icing as unfortunate as it sounds I hear those who hurt me and under minded my wealth of knowledge! Are now getting the emails and calls this break of there clients pulling away from them.

        I think I have said enough, I hope it helps, I have to say I read posts all the time maybe for the last three years and I Never reply or share something. So Your words were so real I had to post! So there you go that is my first post ever. Breaking my fears one by one….

        Kindest Regards

      • cchuago25

        This is Great! thanks zoo much, this hits the spot what I’m join thru atm, no matter how i try to keep up, it feels I’m searching for something to motivate me to bring back that confidence…’s full of anxiety and worries and fear…..

      • Dragonfly

        Hi Elise. From the moment I became depressed I started working on getting back to ‘me’ .. as I know myself to be. There did come a point when I made that touchdown. And not only did I arrive, I arrived, planted the flag and sang the anthem!
        I still remember the exact phrase that went through my head and it was: ‘I don’t know what exactly I am going to do but I KNOW I will do it!

        Depression has a habit of making you feel quite the opposite to feeling capable and empowered but at that moment I said it with such conviction and with such complete belief in my ability that in that moment I caught a glimpse of that girl I was so desperate to see again.

        Life has become a bit more complicated a few more times since but your post reminded me that the one thing that worked and worked better than all the others in my fight with depression and bringing me closer to my goal was changing my attitude.

        Thank you for this wonderful reminder!

    • I was about the reply and say the exact same thing, especially when you’re going through those tough emotions. Having a safe and cushy place to FEEL is going to be important. When going through a breakup (of whatever kind!) our safe/secure place/person is often removed from the situation (hence why people go back even when it’s not working!). So really spend time cultivating that new space, without him/her/it. For a lot of people, just like Marie said, it’s going home to where your family is. If not, surround yourself with supportive people!

      Heidi Nicole

    • Alison, so happy you said this one right away! I’d love to add that choosing who NOT to include in your support system is just as important. The friend who makes you feel down or is always preoccupied with her own problems – OUT! No energy vampires allowed during these kind of trying times.

      Another two things that helped me immensely when my dad passed away suddenly two years ago were:

      1. reading lots of books on death, grief, and personal growth or anything that helped me ‘get’ what I was going through and know that I wasn’t alone.

      and 2. talking to a therapist and coach. The support and perspective they gave me was pivotal to me moving forward.

      Love the realness, Marie, of this episode and so happy your cold is long gone!

      • Sara totally agree about not including those judgmental friends!! I found that out the hard way. Great tip!

      • Ashton cannoles

        Sara, thank you for commenting and sharing your feelings bc you just encouraged me. I just recently lost my only sibling and sister to suicide and for me it has been a very different emotional roller coaster in terms of the grieving process, and as if that alone is not enough, im feeling extremely disregarded and disrespected from my husband. i wont go into the whole story but he works overseas for a month then home a month and for the last couple of years ONLY during that last week or 2 at work his behavior has changed into someone i have never seen prev. he speaks as if he is miserable and demands i be at his becking call regardless of my responsibilities going on at that moment. for instance if he calls (and they are never at one certain time it differs and also its random) im demanded that regardless of what is going on at that moment i am to answer him and bow down; he also thinks he can talk to me and disrespect me but i should take it, etc. I have cont. expressed my feelings on how i feel and i have come to realize that its not me but i am the target. however my patience is almost gone bc i feel disregarded and disrespected to say the least but during a vulnerable time like this i cannot begin to comprehend how he could go there and cut that deep and speak the words i love u to me. now im just livid and fed-up bc this is the 1st time he has been back to work since her passing and i specifically asked him to have compassion and patience with me and not start this cycle over esp right now bc im far from being emotionally stable enough to handle it or even deal with it. i feel hurt and betrayal and its all very confusing. but i found courage in your comment, thank you so much for that

    • dee

      family is my problem need to move far away from them

    • Monika

      What do you do when you have a family that doesnt give a dam about you, you can’t get a job, and you never had friends.

    • What if you have ZERO Friends and ZERO Family And ZERO Support System?? I lost every living member of my Family in 1987 within one month’s period of time. I must be BRAVE Like the Tweetable as I experience daily pain for the last 35 years of my life.

    • glenda

      I don’t really have any friends anymore. the ones I use to hamg with 99 of them are gone and having a life and the few that I do it just doesn’t feel the same as it use to is the only wau\y I know how to explain it. then I cant make myself get ,motivated to go to see them and times I have I wasn’t there 20 mins and was ready to leave just didn’t want to set there, but when I get back home I will want to right color or get on comp but I just seem not able to I just want to lay on the couch but at the same time I want to do something that needs to be done

    • Jamie

      What happens if you don’t really have family or friends? I just broke up w an ex over 2 years. Lost in every aspect of my life. I actually hate it. Makes work unbearable

  2. I completely understand how impossible it feels to keep positive, motivated, and forward-focused after a breakup (especially when you’ve made future plans with that person). But Marie’s right — everything DOES happen for a reason. Unfortunately, the reason isn’t always obvious at the time. But afterward, I promise you’ll be grateful for this experience because it will open up new doors and opportunities. After my breakup, I re-evaluated my life and goals, which lead me to start my life coaching business! Know that we’re all here supporting you, Vanessa!

    • Kristen,
      You’re right, the reason is not always there. My breakup a little over a year ago was very sad.

      I let myself mourn the loss (including the dreams of marriage/kids/yada yada yada) and then I was able to move on. Think of a kid who falls down and scrapes his knee with blood visible. The first thing is feeling the physical pain, shouting “Ouch”, and maybe crying. Then perhaps are the hugs and love. And then it’s all good.

      Things have fallen apart for me many times and I’ve learned something. My attitude doesn’t have to fall apart.
      HIGHLY RECOMMEND a child’s book every adult needs to read:

      “Pete the Cat: I love my white shoes” by Eric Litwin or watch it
      (Dance Party….)

      • Really cool video, thanks for sharing Sandy! It definitely puts things in perspective at a basic level everyone can understand. Loved it!

      • Sarah

        I cannot tell you how thankful I am to run across this!!! Being a music lover and a dancer (dance like no one is watching!!) this stuck with me!! I have stepped in some piles along my journey but I just have to remember to keep on walking and singing my song!! There is a reason for everything and everything has a purpose 🙂

        I think whenever I get upset Im just going to start singing this tune to say…just roll with it 🙂 Because did Pete the Cat Cry?…..Goodness No!!!!!

  3. That’s such a hard place to be, and it does get better. For me, something that’s made being there harder has been when I think I have to get it right–be positive, make all the right choices–but the truth is, that’s not really true. So, remembering that it’s okay to just be easy on myself helps me shift things.

    And thank you for tip #2–really experiencing the physical aspects of the pain sounds like it could shift things in the moment. (I won’t say I can’t wait to try it out, but it’s nice to have it in my toolbox ;-).)

    • Awesome Jessica! It really is a helpful one 🙂

  4. You look fantastic even on Nyquil 🙂

    Amazing tips Marie: I love this video.

    Soooooooo important not to drown in the story and drama. Not easy, but friends (and a good coach) can smack you (lovingly) out of it.

    One of the ways that I snap out of drama is to crank up a great tune and DANCE!!! Shake it off!

    • And of course, the dancing should include a stunning floor show and singing at the top of your lungs… 😉

    • I love that Caroline! Yes, dancing works for me too, it’s a great way to just get it all out of your system and focus on something energizing!

      I’ve also found a great way to get out of the drama in your head is to volunteer or help others. That can help a lot.

    • Yep, dancing definitely works for me too. I do love to dance. 😀

    • Ha ha – thanks Caroline! That was a few months ago and I’m happy to report the cold didn’t last that long 🙂

  5. This is such an amazing episode because it applies to so many different situations. When I feel lost, I surround myself with things and people I love. Works for me.

    BTW: “Making is-ness my business” is definitely my new favorite catchphrase!

  6. Couldn’t agree more. I always say experiences are neutral. Only we create meaning. There was a time in my life (like everyone else) where the rug was pulled out from underneath me. But looking back, I sum up that time as break-up, breakdown, and breakthrough.

    It was only when I was broken open, that my real light started to shine through. Quantum leaps came from what appeared to be devastation. And it’s crystal clear that the devastation was only an illusion.

    To the person who wrote in, you’re on your way to greatness…if you desire it. Pain is just an opportunity to find out how grand you really are. Feel it. Reframe it. Learn from it. Grow from it. And somewhere down the road, you’ll be grateful for it, too. Much love your way.

    • Emelia, I love all that you wrote! You have some wise words in here…

      I always like to say that you’re like a diamond in the rough. You have to polish yourself (through pain and bruises) to allow your light to shine through.

      It’s true. Down the road you learn to be grateful for the pain. It forces you to keep expanding. You can never continue to expand while being comfortable.

      • Thanks, Laura. You’re so right. No discomfort=no expansion.

  7. Wow – strength and light to Vanessa – it’s a sucky place to be. It’s funny how we can tell ourselves stories that really aren’t true, it’s often easy to be the victim and wallow.

    Giving yourself the space to feel all the emotions is important but it can’t be all consuming. Making lemonade when lemons rain down on you is hard but totally possible.

    AWESOME advice as always Marie, and get well soon!

  8. Hey Marie – love your make-shift ghetto set. And you do look great even on DayQuil. Must be cause of that awesome blow-dry…

    I love everything you talk about here. It’s so important to let go of the drama in your head when something like this happens and to just accept what happened and live in the present moment. When things fall apart for me (as they have many times), I tell myself three things:

    1. What’s done is done. Nothing I can do about that.
    2. Everything that happens is exactly as it should happen. This is happening for a reason. Something great is going to come out of it, I just don’t know what yet.
    3. Everything will work itself out. I am smart, capable, and most importantly as long as I stay in touch with my intuition I know I will always be walking down the right path for me.
    4. This is a great opportunity to… (insert here: take some time off, meditate some more, get back in touch with my inner voice of wisdom, re-think my life and make it even more in tune with my excitement).

    Telling myself all of this every day, multiple times a day, really helps. In the end, you have to accept that worrying about the future is not your business. Your business is making the most out of the present moment and being the best YOU that you can be right now. That’s all you have to do, day in, day out. And things will work themselves out.

  9. Elsa Alexandra

    Hi Marie,
    Great video full of good tips. I completely relate to what you say about, one day being glad for something painful that happened in the past.

    Until a couple of years ago, I was working in Financial Services in London. The sort of really well paid job that comes with a totally hectic work-life balance. Unsurprisingly for anyone spending most of her waking hours in the office, I ended-up getting involved with a colleague (more out of loneliness than anything else to be honest).
    This turned-out to be a very painful relationship: read on-and-off relationship here. Eventually, he went back to his home country and left me.
    I was completely devastated at the time. I felt like I was seeing our past ghosts at every corner in London. Plus, I came to realize that I wasn’t really fulfilled in my job and that my hectic work-life balance was probably putting in jeopardy my chances of having a balanced life and relationship.
    About a year later, I finally took the courage to resign. I spent nine months doing other things (teaching Pilates in Portugal, training as a Life Coach, etc.). Then, I moved to the Netherlands to do an MBA.
    This was probably the best decision in my life! I met a wonderful man, just one month into the programme. We recently got married and we are expecting a baby 🙂
    If that other man hadn’t left me a few years ago, who knows if/when I would have met my husband? So I am grateful for everything that’s happened in my life so far. Even those things that felt painful at the time.

    Marie, I hope you get better soon!

    By the way, I am going through the B-School modules for the second time now and it’s been such a revelation! I couldn’t recommend this program enough!

    Warm regards,

    • Elsa, your story is a brilliant example of what Marie says in this video. Everything really does happen for a reason but when we’re going through dark periods we often don’t see the fact that there is a purpose and a greater meaning or lesson behind it. Funnily during a call with some B-schoolers the other day we were talking about the fact that since doing B-school we’re so much more able to cope with life’s highs and lows.

      Marie, glad to hear that you’re feeling much better. I loved that you still kept things up and running and didn’t let it stop you. That’s so inspirational 🙂

    • Tal

      I love your story Elsa! It’s so inspiring to hear how your life turned around for the better. It really does remind me of how a phoenix rises from the ashes – everything must crumble before a huge transformation can take place. Thanks for sharing your story!

    • AWESOME story Elsa! Thank you so very much for sharing it. It’s so true that while we’re going through a tough time — we can rarely see the gifts that are right around the corner 🙂

      • Deborah Chalk

        This makes me think of ‘The Sound of Music’! When Maria leaves the nunnery, the Mother Superior says to her when one door closes another one opens. Mother Superior then sings ‘Climb every Mountain.’ Then Marie sings the ‘I have confidence’ song on the way to her new life with the Von Trapp family. Rogers and Hammerstein saw the need to do some positive self-talk when you need to move on from a ‘falling apart.’ 🙂

        • Deborah Chalk

          Whoops Maria, not Marie. Sorry.

  10. Malwina

    At a talk by Susan Piver I once heard about the “5 ways to cultivate confidence” by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, a Buddhist teacher and leader:

    1. Clean up your space.
    2. Dress well.
    3. Eat good food.
    4. Surround yourself with supportive people.
    5. Go out into nature.

    I love this so much – the simplicity and “real-life-ness” of those 5 steps. When I’m really, truly down and not able to follow any mental concepts or life advice, these simple, down-to-earth actions really do help.

    • Love this Malwina. Jotting it down and will refer to it frequently…thanks for sharing. And, a really excellent episode Marie!

      • terri

        I love these five steps, so simple and obvious, yet completely forgotten at times! I’m making a note of them for future, thanks!

    • Camille Dangerfield

      Malwina, this is so simple and great! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • I love the dress well part! I use that all the time with my clients. I ask them when the last time they dressed up for work was… likely a while ago. So I challenge them to do it three times in the coming week just to “see how they feel”. And…they always feel great afterwards. Sometimes some of those “simple” solutions make the ultimate impact to get you out of the hole.

    • Malwina, I love this so much I wrote it, as a reminder, in my most special handwriting on a beautiful heavy stock Crane note card. The 5-ways to cultivate confidence deserved a few moments of mindful reflection. Thank you.

    • Oooh I love this! Thank you for sharing these 5 steps!

      I’m having a “what on earth is going on with my life” moment, and these have been really helpful as I’m actually not doing most of them, and yet I can see how each one would help.

      1) My house and my work space are both a mess at the moment, so I don’t enjoy being in either.

      2) I just throw on whatever is clean when I’m getting dressed, so I invariably look much like a tramp and certainly not as good as I could look! So my confidence isn’t as high as it could be as I don’t feel like I’m looking good so therefore I don’t feel good about myself.

      3) I also don’t eat very well! I tend to eat far too much processed fatty food, and not enough clean decent food. I’ve got out of the habit of taking lunch to work so I restrict myself to eating rubbish from the local cafeteria, which is costly in money and for my health.

      4) I’m not surrounded by supportive people either. My boyfriend supports me, my family (well, my mum) supports me, but most of my friends just think I should be grateful that I have what I have, and stop wanting more.

      5) Well, I’m not much of a ‘nature’ person, but I can see that taking time to sit outside, or walk in the woods, or that sort of thing could be very calming and relaxing. At the moment I spend my time in my house, my car, or the office at work. None of those are particularly good for me or relaxing!

      So as you can see, I can immediately identify ways in which I can improve my life in all these areas.

      Thank you for sharing!

    • Thank you sharing Malwina ( and what a beautiful name!)
      It is very simple and very important, well said.

  11. I, too, was engaged and then I wasn’t. I was totally shattered. I just shut down. I made the announcement on my blog and then shortly thereafter, we broke up. I didn’t post for over a year. (

    During that time, I just allowed myself to work through the pain. I accepted my responsibility in why we broke up, I found things to be grateful for, tried some new things to keep me busy including going vegan for 30 days, and lastly, I went to therapy to help me. (

    I gave myself time and now I’m so much better for it.

  12. Hi Marie

    I have definitely been in this space before. I sometimes don’t get all the things done that I want to do in a day – I get distracted checking emails, I start reading things on the net and next thing you know I’ve lost an hour or most of the day! I then get down on myself and my productivity drops even more. I start to feel like a bit of a loser.

    One technique I learned recently is to use a kitchen timer and to set it for 1 hour. I then make a promise to myself to honour the importance of my work and to not leave my desk for the whole of that hour and just keep pushing through any urges I have to get distracted, or to leave my desk or to insist on my work being perfect!

    I find that having that 1 hour timeframe helps me to focus and because I know that when the hour is up I will allow myself a 10 minute break to get up, walk around the garden, or put a load of washing on before I get back and reset my timer for another hour.

    I usually do two lots of two hour intense work sessions before I have a longer break for around 20 – 30 minutes.

    This structure helps to keep me on track and I don’t end up hating myself for not being as disciplined in my business. I have also found that focusing on achieving something over a short time frame, helps me to achieve even bigger things across a week.

  13. I’ve found that out of the greatest losses often come the greatest rewards. Now, that’s more of an endgame concept that Allison might not be able to conceive right now, but it’s true!

    In general, when I feel like life has thrown me to the mat, I acknowledge what I feel, take great effort to not get stuck in that mode, and more than ANYTHING else, I DO for others. There’s something about the act of philanthropy that heals the battered soul.

    • Wendie,

      I love that you mention doing for others healing the battered soul. I so agree, its soothing balm to get over yourself and serve others. It makes the issue seem smaller when working for the greater good.

    • YES Wendie!!!

    • Well said, Wendie.
      “Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

  14. Great tips Marie! I totally agree about focusing on the present moment, it really helps relieve anxiety and stress. I think keeping a gratitude journal or any journal is helpful as well.

  15. When my six year old daughter died, my life was turned upside down. One day at a time – one moment at a time – was all I could handle for quite a while. Crying and releasing was an important part of moving forward. (The shower and car were my favorite crying places!). Surrendering to a higher power was a turning point for me. Making a daily list of small tasks helped me to get through the day (1. brush teeth 2. make bed..etc.). Noticing small miracles as they showed up and being grateful for them helped too. Marie is right that some suffering makes us stronger and we can grow through pain. Thinking of those people in Oklahoma today and sending love. Thank you Marie!

    • You are an inspiration…so sorry for your loss.

    • Thank you for sharing your moving story Connie. As I was listening to Marie’s helpful list of how to start over, I was thinking that all of the ideas could be applied to grieving not just for a relationship that has ended, but following the death of someone close to us, and then I read your comment and felt very moved . And whilst I wouldn’t say that good things come out of the death of a much loved one like it might over the ending of a relationship, I think it can make you stronger in yourself and more able to deal with and appreciate life in the longer term, and to be aware of the good in people around you.

      I also think that having positive beliefs about ourselves and the world is critical to not seeing oneself as a victim. And even though it can be very hard to maintain this in moments of intense grief – when your baseline is that you basically see the world as good place and yourself as a strong person, it does help to reduce the bitterness and sense of unfairness we might otherwise feel.

    • a) That’s an unimaginable loss. You’re highly developed to move through that.

      b) I just looked at your site. Gloria Steinem? Oh, man! What a dream!

    • Connie, thank YOU for sharing with us so bravely, and so openly today. Your experience is so far beyond what most of us can imagine. What you’ve expressed here has already made a difference to me — and I’m certain to many others. With so much love and gratitude for your strength and generosity. xoxo

    • Connie, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to know what you have gone through with the loss of a child. What you have shared is so beautiful in its simplicity – recognizing the transformational shift that surrendering to a higher power can provide, making a list of tasks and noticing small miracles. Thank you for sharing.

    • Lisa Glanz

      Hi Connie,
      I didn’t really know how to start the reply to your post, because it triggered so many emotions in me, and I also wanted to tell you how much I feel for you. I know loss can cause deep inner pain that feels like your guts have been ripped out, and each day seems impossible after the gaping hole in your life.

      When I lost my soul mate, who happened to be in the form of a magnificent collie-cross dog, I thought I was going to suffocate from the pain in my throat that I felt every day. I was so angry and disorientated. She was my best friend, my child, my family. To make matters worse, most people just don’t understand how losing a dog can be as devastating as losing a family member. So I felt so alone in my grief.

      It’s been 7 years and I still have my pangs of pain when I think about her, but I have accepted her loss and I know she’s safe and happy. I have another beautiful dog and many other furry children, but Chloe was something special. I still believe she was an angel sent to help me through a difficult time in my life. Those very special years I had with her were a gift, a true blessing. And the love and relationship I experienced with her is hard to come by.

      There was one thing that stands out for me in my grieving process that truly helped me move forward and get past the worst, and that was practicing gratitude everyday, as often as possible. And see from your post, you did the same. It wasn’t easy given the anger and pain, but I found it helped me put things into perspective and strengthen my relationship with the Universe and Higher Power in a time when all that comes into question.

      Even the smallest amount of gratitude goes a long way: flowers on the side of the highway; fresh fruit and vegetables you bought at the market; just walking ’cause you can! If you truly embrace the moment, and give thanks for the opportunity to experience it, your spirit just lifts effortlessly. That feeling of lightness that comes with gratitude is a lifesaver in a time when you’re heavy as a bag of cement!

      Anyway, thank you for posting your comment, I know it’s had an impact on others, it certainly had an impact on me. Thank you for your bravery.

      And thanks Marie, without you we wouldn’t even have this forum!

      • Yes! Those little morsels are so important to appreciate, Lisa – and then when we realize that we are actually capable of such appreciation, it’s a double bonus, because we can see how far we have come in our healing process. Thank you guys for all your responses It’s been years since Meghan’s death and I have been blessed to have found meaning, purpose and spiritual growth and believe it or not, a deeper sense of joy through the journey.

        • Thank you for sharing Connie and Lisa!! While I have not had to deal with a loss of someone that close, I have used those techniques to handle other difficult life situations. And the crying and releasing has been crucial for me as well!! The shower is my favorite place too!

          Lisa, totally agree with the importance of gratitude!!!

          • Dana, “cry when you have to” (I think Dan Fogelberg said/sang that). This culture undervalues the benefit of releasing our grief. We tend to move forward so quickly because we think it is easier, but, we can’t really move forward until we “feel it to heal it” (don’t know who said that :). Thank God for showers, right? XO

    • YES! Thank you Connie. I recently lost my mother and have had several bouts of depression dealing with putting my life, business and self together. Just thinking about creating and manifesting my dreams will still cause fits of crying and overwhelming sadness. I struggle to motivate myself to be joyful or empowered because I think that’s where I am suppose to be in order to be successful and keep my clients. My mother was my rock and my right hand in building my vision and self esteem when things got rough. Your story ( and this video) have reminded me –all over gain– to BE EASY with myself and embrace each moment one day at a time. =)

      • Ayana, one more idea I just remembered when reading your post. Somewhere during the early weeks and months after my daughter’s death I got the idea to plan one nice thing for myself every week. I had two small children so had little time for myself then, but I did one small thing – a massage, a walk with a friend, manicure – whatever I could swing. I found that doing that opened doors for me, almost magically, like the universe was saying “OK, you’re ready to be happy now?”… I started getting these “offers” to get back to joy. A theater colleague asked me to audition for a play they were producing, someone else asked if I would consider hosting a cable tv show. It was almost weird how these opportunities showed up that actually sounded fun to me. And, at that time, I was also astounded that anything could actually be fun. So, try it Ayana, maybe it will work for you. Create little pockets of Joy every week and see what happens. Can’t hurt, right? XO

  16. Helping people get over fear and get unstuck is SO much fun for me, which sounds wonky, I suppose. But watching people recognize that they have all the awesomeness they need to get going already inside themselves. In fact, my whole summer program is focused on helping people get back to what matters most and building a Noble Empire on their own terms.

    I have a friend that tells me that every loss bears a gift. Usually that gift is found inside ourselves. Especially when we’ve hitched our wagons to someone else, we stop living for ourselves. Even Vanessa said that she recognized they were moving apart. When you see that, don’t just “pray” it will get better – make a plan to either fix it or prepare for what comes next.

    • I’m also one of those wonky people who loves to get people unstuck and realize their potential!

      • What’s your go-to “first step” for helping clients get unstuck?

  17. This episode is great – it reminds me of the book, “Yes Man” by Danny Wallace and whenever I went through a period of soul-sucking rancidness, just saying yes to friends’ and family’s invitations opened me up to new experiences that I would have never been able to do otherwise.

    Get well soon, Marie!

    • “soul-sucking rancidness”…Now there’s a line that says a lot!

  18. Ana


    Happy to hear you are feeling better, and you rocked the house as always in your video! 🙂

    I have realized that every time I feel shattered, lost or depressed I do one of two things that really help me get grounded and feeling grateful and alive.

    1. Go outside in nature and spend my time there
    2. Being of service – Help someone

    When I do one of these two or either I usually feel really happy and makes me realize the beauty of life and how grateful I am to be experiencing all that I am, and then the letting go usually proceeds.

    Thanks for a great post!

    Ana x

    • Being of service!! I hadn’t thought of that as a tool, but now that you mention it, it definitely does help! I’ve been going through some stuff lately, and it has been consuming my thoughts. But when I was doing a session with a client yesterday who had an amazing breakthrough, I was totally focused on her and felt really good to be of service.

      Thanks for pointing this out 🙂

  19. I have expressed this before but my life was over in 1994.. yep done & dusted or so I thought…no money 2 children & my partner was outta there!!! Moving back in with my Mum OMG is this happening to me moment… 2 years down the track my life was on the up & up… fast forward to now… Have an amazing man and taking steps to be totally independent within our relationship it’s fabulous.
    Vanessa everything happens for a reason. Embrace the pain; use it to move forward, to never want to be here again.
    Marie is right the pain doesn’t last for ever.
    One thing I do believe have no regrets… say sorry or goodbye…. move forward
    Marie has taught me to be present with what ever you are doing be in that moment she is so right.
    Believe in yourself, be present and go for it you will be amazed at what you can do.

    Marie you poor love….having a cold sucks!

  20. Marie,
    Your authenticity is actually SO fun. Every Q&A Tues is a bit like a blooper roll packed with good info. You wonderfully do not pretend to be some version of perfect and just show us the truth behind the scenes…which of course makes ME feel like i can do it too. You have a bit of magic in you girl and i thank you for sharing it. sending love.

  21. Last year I went through severe depression and gave up on just about everything because I was bullied, I soon got over it after reading your book, Marie! (I know it sounds cliche but it really helped) I then found you online and watched all your videos in like 2 days flat. That was back in August, I then decided to buy a domain name, I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, but I knew I had to get my space online, I started blogging about being happy in the skin you’re in and falling in love with life, it turned out to be very therapeutic for me. Now, thousands of people read my blog and I’ve helped so many people appreciate the small things in life. My point is you’re not going to feel lost all the time you just have to get over it and move on because things do get better and I strongly believe that. Everything happens for a reason. 🙂

  22. Here this is something by an unknown author that I came across and would like to share it with you
    I believed it was unreal.
    I started to “see” it
    I started feeling its presence all around
    I started feeling it was getting near
    I saw it
    I started feeling it
    I fought it
    I fell
    I fought back
    I fell
    I fell
    I fell
    I got up
    I fell
    It got me
    I fell
    I got up
    I fought back
    I got excausted
    I laid back
    I got up
    PunChed back
    Punched back
    Punched punched punched
    Fell down exhcausted
    It was there
    Grinding its teeth getting bigger changing shapes like a morph
    I hit hard and again and again
    For a moment I did not see it
    It got back
    It was there alright
    I punched and punched
    Got exhausted
    Laid back
    Watching it with the corner of my eye
    It was busy
    Eating a house and then another and having cars and jewels for desert and gulping bottles full of tearSwater in between
    Suddenly it got bigger and bigger and uglier and uglier
    I fought back I punched and spit and cursed and hit harder and harder
    And suddenly I realized the more I tried the bigger it got the hungrier it got …
    I got angrier and madder and more furious and I got a menace in me and just cannot stop hitting and punching and cursing and spitting and screaming and …falling and
    I tried everything and I started crying and crying and my tears filled tearbottles and I stack them away – where I could not remember but I walk up in my dream this night and I saw it drinking eagerly my tearbottles

    • Faye

      I am compelled to finish this poem:
      …and then I Accepted,
      Surrendered my fighting,
      I opened my heart
      And flood it with Loving
      And Miracle happened
      The Ugly transformed!
      I stood in my power,
      Battered, yet strong.

      • Hi Faye! and then I Accepted,
        Surrendered my fighting, (don’t you “die” when you surrender?) please it is vital that you answer!
        I opened my heart
        And flood it with Loving
        And Miracle happened
        The Ugly transformed!
        I stood in my power,
        Battered, yet strong.


        Read more:

        • Mittie Jo Edmond

          Hi Faye, I am glad that you were compelled to finish the poem and not let it end with such gloom and doom. Here is another possible ending as your written words inspired me.

          Surrendered my fighting,
          I opened my heart
          Found God waiting with a fresh new start
          Grace being sufficient I now have hope
          Praise God, halleujah, no longer contemplating suicide to cope.
          “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine”
          Yes, my God is forever on time.
          Being free to live again is my decision.
          This time my thoughts being deliberate and exact
          Never giving in to the devil’s foolish flack.
          Mind revived, pure and right
          Victory is mine and not only for the night!

  23. What a great topic…as we get older we are faced with more and more of these situations. So, it pays to learn how to cope! I’m in a repeat performance with my old love. I’m so happy to have him back in my life but it came at a high cost~he lost is wife in a tragic car accident.

    His pain and ability to move on has been a slow process but he’s now seeing a future and moving forward. That’s one story. For me, I struggle with how to reconcile being so happy to have him back at the expense of his loss. AND, if I let myself, I get down in the mire of “why wasn’t I good enough to be his wife the first time around?” Now that can really tank you emotionally if you let it.

    I really agree with you about “everything happens for a reason” but it’s really hard to chirp that out when you’re talking about the death of your partner’s wife…how could there be a reason for that???? So, I try not to dwell on that but instead be grateful for how happy he makes me and the life we share together.


    • Hi Ree,

      I agree with you completely. And the concept that everything happens for a reason isn’t necessarily something you have to chirp out (or even use — always feel free to keep what works for you, and release the rest)

      In my experience, it’s a fantastic trigger to reground me my truth which is this: there is a higher, loving intelligence at work — always. While I may not be able to fully comprehend that intelligence in a given moment, it allows me to shift into a space of grace and trust.

      Hope this helps. xo

      • I agree, Ree. Instead of “everything happens for a reason,” I prefer the idea finding joy or goodness in suffering.

        (Marie – I love you and your site. That is all. THANK YOU FOR IT.)

      • It’s not that I don’t believe that things happen for a reason, it’s just that it seems so disrespectful to even think that under the circumstances. Maybe “chirp” was the wrong word 🙂

        I’d addicted to your site, Marie. Your content is amazing, real and comes from the heart. So yes, it helps!


  24. As hard as it can be I tend to embrace feeling lost, scared or at a precipice – I feel there’s no other way to deal with it but to face it head on.

    I talk to my closest friends, my family and my mentors and I am brazenly open with how I am feeling and it’s the key time I show my vulnerability.

    And you know what each time I do that – which is not that often, it is amazing how much help comes out of the woodwork and support from all these people who want to be there for me. So that’s my go to tactic when I’m in a rough space.

    • That’s very well said, Natalie – I also find that helps me a lot. It’s therapeutic to get it all out in the open, and it usually also helps me get some perspective and understand my feelings about what happened as well as what I need to heal.

      • Francine

        I totally agree with being completely open and honest with people in your life about what is going on, and along with that, really being up front with them that all you want from them is just someone to listen. I think our human tendency is to want to understand or relate to another person’s pain, but sometimes we just can’t, and in some cases, that makes the sufferer feel even worse if those around them start to pull away.

        I experienced this last year after the death of my mom in March 2012. I was at true peace with her death, but no one around me understood that. They practically implied, “when you feel___, we’ll be here for you,” but I never felt those things. I had a full year before she died to grieve, while her Parkinson’s got worse, so I really was at peace. Then, to top it off, I began to go through an intense self-discovery process. Those same people I’d once turned to for support now totally didn’t understand me, and they really pulled away from me even though I just wanted them to simply hear me out and be there for me. The more I tried to talk about stuff, the more awkward it got. Unfortunately, since I work in a church office, these were coworkers and fellow churchgoers that I see often, and several months of the silent treatment gets really awkward when all you want to do is share your process with those who you thought would support you. I still had and have my husband, luckily, but it started to feel like I’d lost all of my friends in addition to my immediate family (I’m an only child, and my dad died 9 years ago.) I didn’t realize how much I’d been stuffing these feelings of sadness from others pulling away, and it actually started affecting my job.

        Finally last week, I told my pastor (who is also my boss) the entire story about all the “behind-the-scenes” conversations (or lack thereof) that had really happened with me and those friends at my church this last year. I also told him I felt compelled to write a book and put a class together on self-awareness and self-empowerment but didn’t even want to share my ambitions with people, as I figured they’d either be jealous, not understand, or be otherwise not supportive. It’d be easy if I could just leave the church and build a new support system, but I live in a very small community and still get value out of the church and still care for the people there. Anyway, once I told my pastor all of this, he himself was actually skeptical about my ideas, which really hurt, but after a few days, he really turned around and is now supportive of me and is encouraging others to be as well.

        The biggest morals of the story of my last year have been these:
        1. As everyone is saying here, the greatest losses, even the loss of a family member (or more than one), can teach you things about yourself you may not have been open to learning previously. When you feel that you have practically no other support system, you learn what an amazing support system you can be to yourself. 🙂 If I hadn’t learned that, I never would have felt ready to step up and try to guide others in self-awareness and empowerment.
        2. Talking to someone has been essential for me–especially in the face of the added shame I felt in keeping silent about losing my former support system, since I still had to see them so often. If you have one person that will listen, that is amazing, but more than one, if possible, is healthier. 🙂 Getting them to be okay to listen is really essential–otherwise they likely might just pull back and say, “Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor?” To which all I wanted to say was, “yes, but you’re my friend–why can’t I share my experience with YOU?!” 🙂 I have found that counselors can certainly be helpful at times, but there really is something special about talking with those you know and trust. They need not understand–they just need to exist in your space and witness your process, and communicate that they are there for you. Listening is indeed enough! And if you’re on the receiving end of a friend like me and can’t relate to them directly, try to allow yourself to be okay with that and tell that to your friend, but show them that you’ll still support them. That will mean the world to them. 🙂

        So to everyone whose life is falling apart–hang in there and stay open to receiving and growing–like Marie says, your greatest lessons may truly be just around the corner. 🙂 If I hadn’t lost my mom and gone through so much self-discovery, I’d never have felt ready to step up and help others in a way that I now feel very passionate about. 🙂

  25. Gary

    Hello Marie,

    I hope your feeling better pretty lady. Great video this morning, I really needed the pick me up. How did you get to be such a smart young lady? You bring things back to Earth, good job, I am going to check out more of your blog.

    Best wishes,


  26. hi marie,
    thanks for the great information. life-threatening illness was what rocked the boat for me… i wrote about that journey on my blog (link below), hoping it might be helpful to others. please feel welcome to come on over and have a read… the journey starts in october of 2010, so start reading there. wishing you and all your readers wellness – rosemary

  27. Marie, You totally rock and crack me up. I think I need some Dayquil.

  28. I am a cancer survivor!
    When shit hits the fan, I have learned to sit still (without looking for distractions like the internet) and be with myself a little and feel what it’s like to be me at that very moment. The silence helps me be right in the present with my body, helping me unlock all its secret feelings I didn’t know I had such as sadness and anger.
    Meditation, meditation and meditation. I have learned to be my own best friend…most of the time 🙂

    • WOW! I am experiencing this right now- Its good to know I am not alone. Dealing with grief and loss, meditation has repeatedly come up for me and even a need to detach from social media (which I use to detach from pain) has surfaced. Thank you for this reminder to follow the spirit and take care of my needs.

  29. Couldn’t have been better timing, Marie, as I just got back from the courthouse where my divorce was finalized by the judge. Love the focusing on the moment of now – anxiety about the future sometimes rules my brain, so thanks for the reminder. The Big U is always at work helping me out. Thanks for your video.

  30. This was so helpful! I was having a moment with the fact that my rent is going up again…($1350 a month is too steep for me) When you said stay just in this moment, one day at a time! That jumped out at me. My rent doesn’t raise until 6/20/13 and if I do some things today that will bring me more income by then I may be able to afford my rent and some fun stuff as well! Plus I have a day job along with my business so I’m blessed! Thanks for this video and for being AWESOME!

  31. Wowzers. This is so fitting for where I’m at and where a lot of my clients are at.

    I love that you’re all about putting one foot in front of the other in the beginning. I encourage my clients to literally make a little to-do list and only plug away at one thing at a time. If you give things in your life positive energies, positive things will happen to you. I really believe that. Start with the basics, only.

    Also just as important, feelings!!! How important is it to GO THROUGH the pain? Be in the moment! Love it, Marie! I love the heartbeat/breathing question. When my clients are down in the dumps and in a never-ending pitty party, I ask them if they have food in their fridge. They’re always caught off guard and often gets them out of that cycle just for a second.

    Thanks again Marie! Awesome episode as usual!

    Heidi Nicole

    • I love that, Heidi! I have also found that interrupting with something completely unexpected helps during arguments, for instance.

  32. A few years ago, I was completely burned out by my stressful job, my long-term partner split up with me & I lost my house – I was at an all time low. I spent a few months feeling sorry for myself & wondering what the hell I was going to do, but eventually I decided to turn my life around. I jacked in my job, launched the yoga clothing brand that I’d been dreaming about for years, went travelling & started being me, the real, authentic me. It’s been hard at times, actually, much harder than I ever thought, but now I can honestly look back on my break-up & say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. As Jivan says meditation really works for me, plus yoga & having a great support network of family & friends.
    Great video Marie, thank you 🙂

  33. Great topic, Marie! As others have said here, surrounding myself with people I love and who love me has been key. To take that one step further, I would say that asking for help is incredibly healing – even just the act of asking, AND even without knowing what you’re asking for.

    When my dad passed away about 5 years ago, I was shattered… completely and totally. My mom was around for a few weeks afterward (they had been divorced for over 30 years but always on good terms,) but then she went back to her home in Italy (I live in the U.S.) Months later, I was still not sleeping, barely able to work and in charge of handling my dad’s will, with which there were some crazy complications.

    There I was at 35 years old having to make the call to my mommy… “I can’t deal. I’m falling apart. Please come back and stay with me.” And of course she did. I didn’t know what I needed help with. I felt awful that I was disrupting my mother’s life by asking her to leave her own for who-knows-how-long just to be there for me. But I asked anyway. And even though she wasn’t arriving for a couple weeks, that night that I asked, I finally slept the whole night through.

    • well,,glad that your mother helped you. It’s a little bit different case with my mother.

      At that time when I felt like I can’t handle my situation alone anymore, I was making decision that I should at least tell this situation to my mom. I was thinking that at least there’s another person that would understand me.

      But, unfortunately my mom was acting not according to what I hope for. She’s having this kind of “How can you did this to yourself? How can you make yourself this miserable” attitude.

      Well, my problems were that I made a lot of wrong decisions/wrong steps so that now I’m in this ‘all falling apart’ situation. When I made those decisions, of course I didn’t know that those would lead me to this kind of situation. Me too wanting everything was gonna be okay, but you know, we can’t always foresee things, right?..So. I’m kind of hurt by my mom.

      Even, when I was trying to seek for professional medical help, because it was so stressful that I can’t sleep well for months, my mom was acting like ‘why do you have to come to this place? you should just have to start again now, right now! going to this kind of place just make your life more miserable’.

      Well, I do have a disappointment feeling toward my mom, but actually it’s not worth it to compare for how I feel disappointed at myself. Almost all the time, I keep blaming myself why did I act like that, why did I have to make that step, every second is so painful to me.

      well, right now, I’m not gonna say that I’m out of my drama 100%, but I do make a small step everyday. But you know, almost all the time I’m still worry a lot about the future, so reading this post and the comments here are really helpful for me..

      Thanks everybody, God bless you all.

  34. I’m so glad you covered this. I felt similar to Vanessa, and thought that life was giving me a series of strikeouts. My favorite suggestion was just to go out with friends or and do something, no matter how tired or unmotivated i felt. It helped. I still have a ways to go, but like the song says, “One Day at a Time.”

  35. Africa

    Excellent advice, Marie! I remember going through just about all of those steps when the most devastating thing happened to me – my perfectly healthy 7 week old daughter died. I wallowed in the past and the future with a lot of “Why did this happen to me?” psychological drama. Yes, I was that mom walking around crying all the time without even realizing it. Everyone was coming at me with advice about how the experience would build my character and that all things happen for a reason. I hated those people!

    You know what, those patronizing people were absolutely right.

    I was a three weeks from starting grad school and my first teaching assignment, so threw myself into work and school. I taught courses and tutored at the local community college while I worked on my master’s degree. I still mourned during that time, and was not the most stable person, but without work and school to keep my mind “busy,” I would not have made it.

    When I did reflect on the situation, I was happy that I was able to be a mom. I realized that I did an OK job as a mom. That was super important because I thought all my life that I would be an awful mom. All of a sudden, a horrible situation started to give me joy.

    Everyday I focused on what I had to do for that day. Everyday it got a bit easier to cope with the pain and let more joy in my mind. Fast forward 19 years later (wow – 19 years) I still think about my daughter, and I feel so blessed she was part of my life. I have two wonderful children with me now, and everyday I thank God for them!

    Many people tell me I am the happiest person they know. I know I could be devastated, pissed off, and cruel. Instead, I chose to make “is-ness by business” (love that Marie!) and find the silver lining instead of focusing on the black cloud.

    One more closing cliche that helps me with perspective:
    “Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” What are you going to do with your gift?

    • Thank you for sharing your story and I too love, “Make is-ness your business.”

      I cannot imagine anything more devastating than the loss of a child. Your story perfectly shows how strong we humans really are.

      Have a gift of a day! I am going to go hug my girls right now!!!

    • Africa — thank you for sharing your incredible story! I completely agree that timing is everything. In situations of unthinkable loss and grief, the “everything happens for a reason” piece is most fitting a wee bit down the line — not immediately. xoxo

  36. Zia

    Hi Marie – thanks so much for this – I really needed to hear this today. I’ve been a bit stuck in spite of moving forward so much after a devastating breakup with my husband and infidelity that lasted a year and a half. i can FEEL in some ways how easy it would be to just let go of everything and float forward into my new amazing life, but find myself easily pulled back into the drama. I have worked on myself so so much but feel like I still have such a long way to go in terms of really living in my own skin and in my own life. Otoh, when I allow, things seem so magical and life seems so easy, but I still find that state hard to sustain all the time.

    I keep telling myself to have faith , that this has happened for a reason, which even though I cannot see right now, will come when I am ready to receive it. My biggest hurdle to overcome is my own perfectionism and the pressure I put on myself to be better at all of life, all at once. But I am working at it the best I can, one day at a time, trying to lose the victim mode and shift into who I can really be minus all the stories that I have created in my mind about who I am.

    Your incredible energy is infectious 🙂 and I love that I found you and B school

    Thank You

    • Hey Zia,

      I understand what you mean when you say in one way you see how it could be so easy to move forward but its hard not to be pulled back into it all.

      I’ve found that while our mind can try to tell us certain things are real and that it is ok to move forward- much of our body, on a subconscious level, can still be experiencing the ‘old’ reality, rather than the new one the mind is trying to tell us can be true.

      There is so much information out there about how to move through these kinds of things but the most powerful shifts happen when we get the whole body to agree with the new image and let go of the old emotions and memories- then we didn’t “get strong in spite of the drama” rather we just let go of it and allowed our whole body/mind to create a new state of being.
      Its effortless in that way 🙂

      Congrats for doing keeping your sights on the highest for yourself- that can make a world of difference.
      And let me know if you’d like to know more about my experience with working on a subconscious level to get unstuck and move forward


  37. Peg

    I like stillness in nature. I had been struggling with going to school for others and not myself, single parenthood, financial issues and family non-support…I now, know that I am in the wrong place in my life and need to just be for me, and not for others!

  38. This episode of Marie TV is a goldmine.

    I am a one year cancer thriver (I am not just surviving cancer…I am kicking its ass). And I gotta tell ya…the past 21 months of my life have been filled with some crazy a** moments.

    Sadness, anger, anxiety and seriously huge doses of self-doubt (some drugs REALLY mess with your head). BUT the kicker is I have also felt extreme moments of happiness, love, friendship and inspiration. Why? You said it Marie, “Take it one day at a time.” Or in the words of Ellen D as Dory, “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.”

    I know cancer is the extreme, but it is a great example of how strong we humans really are. At my darkest moments I would ask myself, “What CAN I do – today?” Sometime it was just getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen BUT I did it!

    Have a plan and do something. Even if its just one thing. Everyday.

    The other thing, that personally saved my a**, is I surround myself with things that inspire me. I love nature so I make sure I connect with nature DAILY – it super charges me (find your super charger). I love to write so I dusted off a beautiful story I had written years ago and pushed to finish it (now I am working on book 2). I love to see people smile so even on my worst of days I greet people with a smile (they almost always smile back).

    I also love how you reframed, “Everything happens for a reason.” I hate that saying. But I do believe that you can choose to find an empowering lesson in everything you experience. As long I am learning, I am growing. As long as I am growing, I am actively living. And actively living is pretty damn special to me!

    All – Enjoy this most precious day.

    Marie – Keep up the inspiring work 😉

  39. If you’re going through a mini-heartbreak, as I am at the moment, I’d highly recommend working for yourself (heh heh). I can stop and take a little time out whenever I like. I just allow myself to have my little moment, and then get on with it.

    The ‘one day at a time’ mentality is the only way. But I think it’s the only way whether you’re going through something or not. As Henry Ford said, ‘Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.’ Taking things one day at a time is a good way not to feel overwhelmed.

  40. Marie….

    Best episode ever!

    Love how genuine you are! You rocked it… 🙂


  41. Great topic! And yes, I am going through the experience of feeling completely shattered as we speak! Over the past year, I lost my best friend and tennis partner to pancreatic cancer while simultaneously going through a very painful ending to my marriage of 18 years. I have managed to pull through this by taking things one day at a time and staying present to the pain, knowing it is ultimately for my highest good. My three children are transitioning well; I am closing on a new house tomorrow; and my husband and I have reached a point where we have been able to release all of our anger and resentment towards one another and treat each other kindly and lovingly. It’s been a hell of a roller coaster, but I know I will be fine. Thanks for posting about this important topic. And on another note—in regards to your cold, I’m a bit disappointed to see you promoting over the counter drugs as a solution! doTerra essential oils (OnGuard, Oregano and Melaleuca in particular) would clear your cold up much better than DayQuil! Essential oils can break through the cell barrier and kill the common cold or flu… over the counter medication can’t do that….and there are no side effects. Over the counter meds just suppress your symptoms..they don’t fix anything. Would love to educate you more about essential oils if you feel inclined to learn more! Email me or check them out for yourself at

  42. I have gotten through some pretty tough things in my life with these very same principles. Everything happens for a reason has been my mantra for a long time and I am just grateful for things and don’t judge them to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’. They just are.

    A couple of years ago I was starting over at age 50 after closing down my business. Things were going pretty good until I was diagnosed with cancer. I realized that if I was going to get through that I was going to have to accept help from other people. I have always had a hard time doing that.

    I let my family & friends “in” and became truly grateful for everything in my life. The changes have been astounding! I’m happy to say that my business is back on track, my relationships are better than ever AND I am cancer free!

  43. Mary

    My husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer when my daughter was an infant. For four years he was brave, never complaining through extreme pain. He took it a day at a time. He felt my life is great with a loving, supportive wife, daughter, family, friends and great job and I have cancer. He died, then my Dad. Other trauma as well has come to our life.

    I get up each day and see my young child who needs me. I stay strong as she needs me. She’s watching me and what I do will shape her. It’s me and her left and I need to just do the best each day. I appreciate little things deeply now.

    Exercise and eating healthy are essential to me getting through the day with manageable grief. Remembering I am brave and better things will come my way. It has made me stronger. my child is very empathetic to those suffering–other children whose parent died and more.

    I agree with taking it a day at a time and focusing on the now.

    • Wow Mary thank you for sharing your story of bravery. Good for you for taking life one day at a time and doing the very best you can with that day. Your daughter is very blessed to have you as her mother. God bless.

    • Cheers to you for seeing that your child has become more empathetic from her experience. Empathy is underrated and super necessary in today’s digital world.

      I also applaud you for recognizing that she is watching you and learning from you. You are a great mom!

      Thank you for sharing.

  44. Yes positive conditioning works. You must feed your mind daily with motivation or inspiration to stay on top of life. I’ve been practicing this for the last 12 years and I’ve been hit hard in life a few times but it never takes me completely out of the game. I get down for a bit but I’m able to pull myself back up because of years of conditioning myself to think, be and act positive.

    For instance, just a few short months ago I got a really scary diagnosis of MS. And I let it all out. I cried so hard I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my heard. And my poor husband just sat with me and rubbed my back not knowing what to say.

    But you know how long that lasted? In total since the day of diagnosis – 4 days. A sun total of 4 days I have spent feeling sorry for myself or crying. And not because I’m in denial but because I know that the mind is a power tool that can be used to heal the body.

    I know because I’ve conditioned my mind to know that whatever the mind believes and conceives, it can achieve. And I determine to achieve health and vitality.

    Yes it matters what you put into your mind. It matters a great deal because when life hands you a sh*t sandwich you’re going to want a power tool at your disposal to overcome it.


    • Great for you Michelle, I am on your side achieving health and vitality. You are not on your own!

  45. Tal

    Oh how I needed to hear this today, Marie!

    For the past year I’ve been struggling to put my life back together after having nearly everything fall apart. I have no job, no boyfriend, and I’m living at home with my extremely supportive parents until I get back on my feet again. Most days, I feel like the world is continuing on without me – friends getting promotions, people getting married/having children, etc. – while I sit here at home ‘figuring out my life’.

    The four points you mention here are SO important! It really does boil down to these points. I would also add:

    5. Have Self-Compassion – When everything falls apart like this, it’s so easy to get down on myself, but I’ve read time and time again that self-compassion gives you the courage to move forward and tell yourself it’s okay to make mistakes.

    6. Help Others – When you’re feeling sad, helping someone else will help you feel so much better. It doesn’t even have to be something huge – it can be as simple as holding the door open for someone. Anything that helps will do.

    Thanks again for the video, Marie! As always, you are so entertaining and funny, even with a cold!

  46. Meredith

    Whenever you decide to FEEL the pain rather than get caught up in your thoughts about it, I also recommend DOING something. For me, it was taking a sip of water. Every time I felt that knot, I did something I could control. I made a decision to not think about it, take a sip of water, and repeat. I drank A LOT of water for a while. But before I knew it, the pain was gone and I had to remember to drink 8 glasses of water a day again 🙂

  47. Hi Marie,

    it’s not so much those devastating moments that get me down as well as the endless ‘holding it all together’ while waiting for the good times to show up again. It’s been 4 years now since we left a really great job managing a farm and choose to be in a town where our kids would have friends to play with. All kinds of job opportunities passed by, but none with the social support we needed. Two years ago a job opportunity presented itself that would be on a farm just outside of town. The perfect combination. Can you believe we are finally getting the contract at the end of this week? Unbelievable. We’ve waited for this for 2 years and sustained ourselves with all kinds of jobs just to get by. We’ve learned humbleness, gratitude, joy as well as anxiety, fear and desilusion. The passed 2 years have been killing me cause I felt there was no movement. It’s the indecision that is painfull. The not being able to take a step. All of our own choice ofcourse. To keep myself hopeful and up every day wasn’t easy. I think I let go of a lot of good for me, like eating healthy, exercising etc. But it’s never too late to start over again. That’s the amazing thing about life. A month a go I started running and I am very eager to get on a healthy diet again. If you have any recommendations (online) that would be so helpfull.

    Living in the present is the only way. Meditation is key. It helps me to concentrate on my breathing (is-ness) and feel any uncomfortableness in my body that will lead to what is emotionally bothering me.

  48. KJP

    Oh I have so been there. In August 2001, I lost my job, my boyfriend of 3 years, and my home, all within 2 weeks. I was 30 years old and was completely devastated. Looking back, it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. I got a great job, met my husband, and I now have a wonderful home and daughter. But it was hard to see what could be in the midst of the pain.

    And the healing took time. I got an apartment with my sister and a new job within a month, but finding love again took 3 years (and lots of good and bad dates!) Give yourself the time and space to heal.

    Try to use that time to discover who you are now and what you want out of life. I invested in myself. I lost 30 pounds, bought new clothes, traveled whenever I could either with a girlfriend or by myself. I worked on my career which paid off handsomely. When I finally met my husband, I was making 6 figures, running my department, and traveling the world. I had found my confidence and new what (and who) I was looking for. A far cry from the poorly paying, boring, 9-5 assistant job I was let go from and the “bad” boyfriend who dumped me.

    Good luck. This too shall pass.

  49. Thank you Marie – you are such tonic for “soul-sucking rancidness”…

    Shattered and lost in the background of my mind for 2 years…I am overly empathetic to my incredibly negative best friend going through Stage 4 bile duct cancer. As of Friday – all chemo is done with no further medical alternatives, and he basically refuses to allow my mind over medicine ideas (I had the new book delivered to him). I am collapsed inside – but need to disconnect from that soul-sucking rancidness” that I’ve taken on, and renew my own spirit, my own body, and my own mind. I have done all I can, and lost myself in the process. I have allowed his although good fight – negativity and fear to permeate my soul – and that needs to stop now.

    Thank you for the boost, and the steps to course correct right here and right now.

    • Marie is like a super-tonic. Each Tuesday I wake up excited to hear what she is going to share and today’s message is both timely and powerful.

      I was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer 21 months ago. So I get what your friend is feeling. Nothing is worse than thinking you are going to die…except knowing you are going to die.

      May I recommend a letter?

      Let him know how much you love him. Let him know how painful it has been watching him suffer. Let him know that you wish with your whole heart and soul that he would get better. Blast him with positive memories. Send a funny movie with your letter and let him know you want him to experience joy and happiness…even in his darkest hours.

      Then my darling, start the process of protecting yourself. Only give him the time you can afford (without damaging yourself). Maybe 1 hour per week (as an example) and use that time to shower him with love. He will either choose to accept your positivity. Or he won’t. And remember, people in pain lash out. So he could get down right nasty – hence the letter so he has a physical reminder of what the two of you share.

      It looks like you are realizing that you cannot control his thoughts and feelings (as much as you want too). You can only control your own.

      I will think healing thoughts for your friend – and you!

  50. Love today’s question. It’s a topic I’m truly passionate about, as I believe life’s tests play a critical role in our growth.

    I remember when I lost my marketing job in 2008. I wish I could say that I chose to leave (that’s a bit easier on the ego!), but, in truth, I was let go due to the company’s financial problems and a reorganization.

    But it was a very scary time and a scary place to be in. The unknown usually is.

    But someone gave me some wonderful advice – be willing to be lost for a little while.

    The best decision I made after being let go was probably to take that advice. I did take some time to figure things out. I really wanted to think about what my next step should be, given I had been very unhappy in my previous job.

    Long story short, I decided to pursue my writing, something that had always been my most natural and strongest strength, but one I had ignored because I was scared that I couldn’t make any money at it.

    Also, and I swear I mean no promotion with this, I launched my personal development blog, where I help and encourage women and girls to love and accept themselves.

    This blog has been one of the greatest joys of my life – and I would have never launched it had I not lost my job in 2008.

    So often, we want life to be easy, to only be filled with good things. To be fair. But being tested in life is so critically important – not only do these tests help us grow, but they help us become stronger, more empathetic people.

    And I believe that the world desperately needs more empathy.

    Much is debated about what makes for a happy life. Being able to view your unfairnesses (or adversities) as lessons rather than injustices is a critical tool for a more joyous life.

    As author Wendy Mogel says, go out and scrape a knee.

    ~ Rachel, aka a huge Mary Tyler Moore fan

  51. U are a sum it up girl! I love your enthusiasm and ability to put it to us straight!!!! My walk through depression is what I call the angel that carried my pain. I didnt realize it at the time, but her lesson was a big slap in the face to wake up!!! What you think can consume and create your reality. Listening to my voice of “there must be a better way” got me to loving this moment. Amen! Keep preachin it…muahhh!!!!

  52. Catherine

    I can so relate to this!

    In 2008 right out of college I got fired from my internship, my father very unexpectedly passed away, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me and my mom got diagnosed with cancer. All within 9 months – seriously God??! I hated everyone and everything because while my life was falling apart, everyone else’s was all about rainbows and lollipops. But you know what I did? I took the crappiest job I’ve ever had so I could pay my bills. I cried when I needed to. I was a recluse until my friends literally dragged me out of the house for a night out and convinced me I needed others to help me get through this…and slowly, I began to stop having a self pity party and thought about the good things that came out of that year. 1. Yes I got fired from that internship = Life lesson – watch what you send out on work email 😉 I am now blessed with a job I love and beginning my own business from home 2. My dad passed away in his sleep = if we could all be so lucky 3. My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me = Now happily engaged to someone 1000x better that I could not image life without and 4. My mom has recovered from her cancer and is now in remission.

    I think it’s important to lean on others and let it all out when you need to. Sometimes a good cry is what the doctor ordered…and then pull yourself together! Realize that others do care and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle…look at all the comments of strong people who waded through the yuck and have come out on the other side. The light is there, you just have to strive to see it! 😉 I agree with so many others, it’s all about mind over matter! 🙂

  53. Hi Carol, sounds like you are in shock of having to let go of your best friend. I wish you strength in this hard phase and hope you can find ground under your feet soon again. Our wish to change the other is sometimes so strong because we wish to change something inside ourselves.

  54. Hey Marie!

    I feel very happy and energized today by watching this video!

    Ive recently experienced something terrible in my personal life. And it made me fall off track for a couple of days, but what made me come back was just listening to some self development tapes, motivational tapes and reminding myself to be grateful for what i have in my life and that everything happens for a reason. Also what helps for me is to start loving myself again, doing things that make me feel good. I now feel like a different person because of this incident, even though it was painful and unfortunate I still am grateful it happened because I learned such a big lesson from it.

    Thank you for doing an amazing job, and thank you for being an inspiration !

  55. Well first, a man commenting on mainly a womanly blog…..BOWCHICKAWOWWOW! Your doing something right! LOL

    Secondly, lets see…….had appendix out, 10 inches of colon removed, colonoscopy, and lost my regular income….HOWEVER, I kept persisting and used what GOD had given ME and I kept going.

    Woman can do the same! I can promise you, almost 25+ days in and out of hospital, and keep persisting, you will overcome your problems/set backs! Keep up the hard work ladies!!!!!!!!

    The one thing a man hates hates hates is a woman with little to no confidence! FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!!!!! It’s a HUGE turn on!!!!!!!!


    Warm regards,
    David Dorian

  56. Wow wow wow today’s post I so can relate. Well right around the time I was changing career I was going through a divorce, broke, no place to go since my entire family lives in Haiti. How did I get through it?
    I looked to God and did nothing except praying for a while then I realized I have to work, I have a child, I have to take care of myself to give my child an amazing mom. I read a quote from Zig Ziglar that changed everything. It encouraged me to be of service to others which will help to stop thinking about my problems. I started teaching Zumba, Piloxing, and other group fitness classes. At first I pretended to smile, pretended to be happy while teaching and listening to my student’s problems after class. Then teaching and helping became exciting because I felt after each class or each session that I helped someone get what they wanteded at that moment. I then signed up for B-School and continue to be of service. Today I forgave all the people who hurt me in the process including myself because the baggages were keeping me from getting more blessings and living my true purpose. It is not easy to forgive someone who breaks your heart but when you fully embrace God’s purpose for you to “Have a future” , to be happy and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made that true love forgives, is compassionate, your desire to seek for that life is greater than the negative emotions. It took me too much energy to be sad and it was literally starting to make me sick. So I chose to take it one day at a time, stop surviving and live the life I want to.

  57. I did many things you are suggesting here: let go of everything outside of myself (because nothing was going the way I wanted it to), I breathed in the moment… and then I asked for help and did energywork with someone I trusted. I also made an intention focused on how I wanted to feel (as opposed to what I wanted to have). I worked with that intention daily and it worked wonders!

    • and now I am using this experience to help others…. now there’s a good ‘reason’ to go through stuff!!

  58. aeijaeacut

    We all go through those “blue” moments.
    Sometimes, even a little too much that being blue becomes an understatement.

    The most effective thing that I’ve done (aside from dancing- endorphins, you know the thing.) is being grateful.
    I find that no matter what you’re going through, there’s always something that you are grateful for, even just for your morning coffee.
    Again, there will always be something.
    And somehow, that makes things better… 🙂

  59. Thank you Marie!
    Although this question was about a breakup I can apply it to what is happening in my life at the moment.
    I started my own business last year and did pretty well in the first year. This year business has slowed down. I signed up for B-School (excellent btw) and am putting Marie’s concepts into place. But things are still going slow.
    Yesterday I thought about my life three years ago and today. Three years ago I was driving around in a pimped-out Lexus RX Hybrid wearing designer clothes and accessories purchased from a personal shopper at Nordstrom and making six figures. Today, I’m driving a Ford Focus, wearing yoga clothes (I’m a yoga instructor) and flip flops and getting creative with paying the bills.
    I agree with Marie, living in the moment is how I’m making it through. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and helping more people live better, healthier lives. My impact on the world is greater than it ever has been. Instead of me “taking” from the world I’m truly giving… and THAT’S where I need to focus.
    Again, thank you Marie!!

  60. My advice is to FIND JOY in the little things every day! Find the beauty that surrounds you. Love yourself, be kind to your self, love others, get lots of rest, eat right, exercise by a lake or beautiful surroundings. Surround yourself with friends that are positive and focus on three top goal to achieve for yourself even if these are personal, career, or otherwise. Eventually, you will find yourself empowered to make better decisions and you will be glad that relationship ended. Turn off your negative filters and listen to positive works!

  61. Thank you so much for this, Marie, it could not have come at a better moment 🙂

    Did I manifest this one too? LOL

    I wake myself up from the ‘mental chatter’ with an affirmation – words go to the ‘subconscious Llyane’, I hear my voice, therefore I won’t hear my mental chatter, and it keeps me on track with the most important thing that I have to focus on.

    It worked before – it MUST work now too 😉

    Much love and thanks,
    L xo

  62. That was so good I need to watch this vid again and again and again!!

  63. Demitri

    This is so timely. After a huge disagreement last night with my best friend of 25 years I felt somewhat attacked from left field. It left me feeling lost & alone but the words from this vid “Pain is inevitable suffering is optional” set me free. I’ve decided I’m not playing victim everything happens for a reason. Then I watched your vid from a year ago “Are People Holding You Back?” I discovered I’m just growing and evolving and it sometimes makes others uncomfortable. I have hit f5 picking up from here and embracing the changes that come with growth. THANK YOU for your insight.

  64. Such a helpful episode, thank you so much Marie! This is timeless.

    Your #3 is what really got me through my devastating heartbreak. Of course back then I didn’t have your book but it came to me in the shape of Eckhart Tolle’s book telling me over and over to accept what “IS” and to live in the now.

    When I had had two failed pregnancies, one at 19 weeks and one at 24 weeks I easily fell into a hole of pain and depression. Giving birth to your babies way to early and knowing they aren’t going to live can be crippling to say the least. Of course, much of it was natural grieving but, to eventually pull out, I literally had live in the micro-moment.

    Just like you said, I had to ask myself: “Are you breathing?” And many times I wasn’t! So I focused on breathing. Then on brushing my teeth. Then on drinking water — and so on.

    I will say that after experiencing and pulling out of that kind of heartbreak, personally, life’s other hardships have become much easier to handle.

    So yes, IS & Live in the now — lifesaving!
    Thank you!!

  65. Wow. I can totally relate to what Vanessa is going through. Using what I learned from B-School last summer I was excited to introduce my first virtual program. The same day it was to launch, my 17-year marriage ended.

    After being on (my unplanned!) hiatus I am ready to move forward with my life organizing business. Now a single mom, I must turn what was really more of a hobby into a business that will support my two boys and me.

    Marie, as always your advice – amazing!

    “Make IS-ness your business.” Taking one day at a time. While hearing a thousand times before, it really resonated during this time of my life – key in getting me through

    “Master living in the moment.” Actually one of the huge benefits of bringing more order into life. While temporarily on emergency mode (simply doing bare essentials – and COMPLETELY letting go of perfectionist tendencies) I was able to enjoy pockets of time (w/o those frantic what’s-falling-through-the-cracks feelings)

    And my favorite: “Everything happens for a reason.” Experiencing a divorce + being a single mom brings an incredible new level of empathy and understanding. This can help me help others in ways/on levels I couldn’t possibly have done before.

    Thank you, Marie + Team Forleo. While I know it’ll be a challenge, I’m now excited to create and live this new chapter!

  66. Great video Marie! If surrounding yourself with people helps you, by all means do it. But sometimes, when I feel lost, I need a solo retreat. I like to take time to myself, to listen to my heart, swim in the sea, read, do yoga, cry, meditate whatever makes me feel good.
    It’s hard sometimes worrying that I’m being a party pooper when I’m feeling down or having to force myself to look cheerful to not bring down the energy of the group. I think it’s ok to be alone sometimes if it energises you. Just make sure you control negative self-talk and look at the solitary time as that of healing and not isolation.

  67. Maria, I love watching you. But the word ghetto has lost its meaning. My mom is an Italian Jew who lived in the ghetto. That is the place that they jews had been forced to live. The Ghetto was the place that the jews lived and would be locked in at night. It is now referred to as a place of the same people. My dad was a Holocaust survivor and the Polish Ghetto is the place that the Nazi’s made them live. I really wish that the word would not be used so casually. I know that the younger generation thinks it is fab and cool. But to others it is an insult and offensive when it is used this way.

  68. Great vid Marie, and thank you for shooting this video despite all the troubles in your way! Glad you’re feeling better re the cold 🙂

    I AM in one of these situations actually, where I have to start from scratch… and I won’t say it has been pleasant, but there most certainly was a reason things happened the way they did… it was the Universe’s way of drawing attention to whatever needed fixing in my life. And what do you need in order to fix something? Space! So although I had to let the Space in grudgingly, even kicking and screaming, I so appreciate that I have it, because it’s giving me the peace and quiet I need to work things out.

    And how am I working things out? Using EFT. It has been a lifeline for me and I’d recommend it to anyone. It’s not easy… and right now, I’m like a caterpillar in a cocoon, undergoing metamorphosis… but slowly, yet surely, I’m building a new life. And THAT is worth all the angst that happened beforehand.

  69. Melody Granger

    Sprucing up my home & getting some sunshine are my fav ways to change my energy. Works like a charm 🙂 (double lucky charms happen when I load up stuff to donate that are no longer helping me express the “me” I desire to be.)

    Great message today Marie!!! Is-ness and optional suffering are within our control. Thx for such a powerful reminder!!!

  70. I felt this way after both of my miscarriages but specifically my first one. I felt like a failure and after overcoming postpartum depression after my son was born to get pregnant and lose the baby seemed like punishment for me. I went back to the things that worked when I was dealing with the postpartum, I ran…. a lot. Aside from that if I felt like I just wanted to cry, I did. I let myself feel the pain for a little bit and then forced myself to do something else, to focus on something else. For me it was key, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t bottle it up. Especially the first week after when I was dealing with the physical issues, I had to let myself heal both physically and emotionally and sometimes to do that you need to feel the hurt.

    In the end it was better and I refocused on how grateful I was that my son is now 4 and healthy and happy.

  71. In reading these comments, I am struck by the magnitude of the losses and challenges endured as well as the power, bravery and strength of the writers.

    Knowing that you aren’t alone and that other people have survived what feels like hopeless, unimaginable, and impossible loss or challenge can really help one persevere.

    I so admire and respect each of you for living on. You have much to teach and give now.

    When Debbie Ford passed away, my show aired right before her tribute show on Hay House Radio. We chose grief as our topic for that day to honor the sadness everyone was feeling. It was the most challenging show I’ve ever done. It’s hard to talk and not lose your voice to tears, but it was also powerful and resulted in so many people coming forward to share their pain and receive love and compassion.

    Here’s what grief feels like and what we can expect if we make the brave decision to go through it (mind you everyone is different but this description really resonates with people who’ve lived through it):

    The experience of loss and grief is what I would imagine being dropped out of a plane into the middle of a seemingly endless stormy sea, at midnight, with only a very flimsy flotation device would feel like.

    At first it’s shocking and we grapple with trying to understand how it’s even possible that this happened. We think, there must be some mistake, this can’t be real–everything was fine, yesterday or last week or last year.

    It just doesn’t feel possible that this could ever have happened to us.

    Intermittently, at first, we begin to grasp the magnitude of what’s happened. We feel the cold, the isolation, the hopelessness of it all and then we withdraw back into disbelief or denial.

    Slowly, over time we realize that what’s happened is real in our experience.

    Every emotion, any emotion, one can feel is normal at this point: anger and rage, sadness, victimization, despair and agony, utter emptiness and discouragement—all normal.

    Out there bobbing in the middle of the ocean, we might curse life, God, the people we feel let us down; we often curse ourselves too.

    We may fantasize about how good our old life was and feel guilty for not appreciating the way it was before, or appreciating the person we lost more (if that’s what’s happened).

    The days languishing in the water seem endless and we wish and hope and pray that someone will come along and pluck us out of the water. We want to be saved. People come and some are willing to swim beside us, but no one can pull us out of the water. It’s our ocean of grief and if we want to get through it (because we can never get over it), if we want to know what it feels like to be okay and on dry land again, we have to swim through it ourselves.

    And so we swim and when swimming hurts too much we hold on to whatever we can grasp onto wondering if it’s even possible to survive.

    The nights are harrowing and long. The days are blanketed with gloom and it seems like our ocean covers the entire planet—that land doesn’t really exist.

    This can be a very long period and though it feels like we’re struggling place, so long as we’re expressing our emotions in a healthy way, we’re moving towards shore.

    One day, out of nowhere land will appear on the horizon and the concrete realization that it exists will take hold. We’ll have proof that there is still a life out there for us. We’ll feel euphoric or hopeful and swim hard for shore.

    Then, just as the land appears to be closer the sea of our pain sweeps us under, pulling us back into its vastness. We think we’re back where we started, lost in the endless ocean, and we feel devastated.

    This is what processing grief feels like. A glimmer of good will come and our feelings of loss and sadness will overcome it and pull us under.

    But here’s what I know for sure. If we resolve in our hearts to LIVE, to walk on dry land again, the sea’s cycle will continue, it will ebb and flow. We’ll continue to come closer to the shore, until one day the waves lay us gently on the beach of our new lives.

    Love and hugs to everyone who’s grieving. Keep swimming.

    Cynthia Occelli

    • Melody Granger

      Wow, Cynthia. Beautiful analogy. Thx for sharing!


    • ami

      I agree, thank you for this Cynthia. It’s exactly how it feels.

  72. Melissa

    Hi Marie
    Thank you for this video i really needed it today!!! it feels like you spoke about how i feel right now. I’m lost…. but i truly believe, “Everything Happens for a reason” i had a great job September 2012, then I had to go home to South Africa for two weeks to get my visa and come back and work again for the same company… they let me go a day before i left to South Africa…. but i went and had a fantastic time with my family, got my visa and hoped that when I came back they would see that I could work for them again…. much to my dismay they did not want me back at the company as i heard in an one liner email Melissa we have moved on…. wow…. (PS it feels good writing about it)…. today its been 8 months to the day they sent out my letter, its been tough, I’ve been going on interviews and just not landing the job that I really want. In the interim i was introduced to you and several other life coaches (you are my fav.) by my best friend and i thank you for your great advice!

    today i have an Interview for a part time job, but a job (everyday I’m hustling) …. right.
    I’m positive and living in the present moment, and i know that the universe will bring good to me and exactly what i need when i need it!

    Cheers and keep well.
    Thank you for the inspiration to keep moving on!!!!


    Love ya

    • Melissa

      Hi Marie
      Thank you for this video i really needed it today!!! it feels like you spoke about how i feel right now. I’m lost…. but i truly believe, “Everything Happens for a reason” i had a great job September 2012, then I had to go home to South Africa for two weeks to get my visa and come back and work again for the same company… they let me go a day before i left to South Africa…. but i went and had a fantastic time with my family, got my visa and hoped that when I came back they would see that I could work for them again…. much to my dismay they did not want me back at the company as i heard in an one liner email Melissa we have moved on…. wow…. (PS it feels good writing about it)…. today its been 8 months to the day they sent out my letter, its been tough, I’ve been going on interviews and just not landing the job that I really want. In the interim i was introduced to you and several other life coaches (you are my fav.) by my best friend and i thank you for your great advice!

      today i have an Interview for a part time job, but a job (everyday I’m hustling) …. right.
      I’m positive and living in the present moment, and i know that the universe will bring good to me and exactly what i need when i need it!

      Cheers and keep well.
      Thank you for the inspiration to keep moving on!!!!


      Love ya

  73. Melissa

    excuse the duplication, technical difficulties….

  74. I remember the exact moment when I realized why my ex broke up with me. I was walking down a hallway at work smiling for no reason. I had given up shyness, embraced my weird parts, and was a lot more open to new experiences in life. I needed to become THIS person and it never would have happened with that guy. He was nice, but when I embraced life fully the universe sent me the one who really stirs my soul.

    • I know exactly how you feel. I was recently broken up with after a 3 year relationship that I thought would end in marriage. It was really hard at first. However, once I got past the initial crippling fear of being alone again I realized that I had been missing out on the life I wanted and needed by staying together. He too was a nice person and I could have made do with him as a life partner. But he was not the person that would compliment my life at its fullest potential. I’m glad for what I learned about myself and am looking forward to the amazing things that lie ahead!

  75. I had two times in my life that really shattered me. Both turned into incredible leaps towards the future. Without wanting to make this sound too gloomy, I felt like I wanted to share it. I hope it makes you see the positive brought about by some negative experiences.

    First one was while I was working for the radio. A wild time in my teenage years. I had three close friends die during that time under completely unforeseen incidents. I was absolutely crushed and not only did I feel the pain, I also went into extended suffering and ended up with self-inflicted disease that almost made me have to go to hospital I was in such bad shape. I absolutely didn’t want that to happen, so I pulled myself out of it and learned to help myself through educating myself in various areas of life (health, philosophy, spirituality etc.). Completely changed my life around.

    The second time was only recently. My sister is fighting a losing battle with cancer and on top of it I lost my apartment which had become my home after I left my old life behind. Once again the rug was pulled out from under my feet. This time I went the path of sharing what I have learned with the world and I didn’t let it crush me.

    I went from learning how to help myself to helping others in doing so as well.

    That’s how difficult times can turn into the most incredible, life-changing learning experiences. The problems do not vanish but the way to deal with them has forever changed for me.

    Now I’m in the process of bringing out my first free ebook that really states my vision for the future and has made that vision clearer to myself as well.

    Thank you for sharing all these wonderful, informative videos with us, Marie!

    Much love and greetings from Austria,

  76. Cynthia Wisehart-Henry

    Fascinating how the Universe brings what we need at just the right time, isn’t it? My husband, recently, told me that he was just not into the relationship anymore and there was nothing I could do to change his mind…he’s moving on. This after a perfectly happy (or so I thought) relationship. Talk about being blindsided! And, my business has taken a tumble this past year so he’s been doing most of the financial support as I “redefine” myself and my life. Now, I feel as though I’ve been gut punched and uncertain of the direction to go, first. Your video gave some important reminders.
    One thing I’d like to add…as a trauma coach (funny, isn’t it?), I teach that when we sit with the pain, let it be, without the mind babble that often goes with it, we can stop the triggers that often follow the trauma. So, yes, just feel it, wherever you store it in your body…for me, it’s my gut. Ask it questions…like, when and where have I felt this before? What action, or non-action does it inspire? (by the way, take no action now.) What meaning do I give it? The trick is to get to know the pain and what it means…quite often it is just a trigger from a past pain that feels just like this one! Anyway, the pain doesn’t always go away right away! Sometimes it takes days, or weeks, or months. But when it’s at its worst is when you want to sit with it. And feel…just feel. This takes courage because most of us don’t want to feel the pain. But this focus is a pathway to healing.
    If you are grieving, or angry, or frustrated, or any other “negative” emotion, remember that these emotions are important. You cannot totally feel happiness if you don’t allow yourself to feel the other end of the spectrum. So, let yourself feel them, yes, but don’t let them take over your life. Give yourself a certain amount of time to feel them completely, in all their darkness…100%! Say, an hour…or a day…or two days. Then, make a commitment with yourself to get OUT of the feeling and feel something good. Take yourself out, buy a silly hat, take a bubble bath, dance naked in your living room…whatever it takes to make yourself laugh again.
    More suggestions…these seem to be working for me…
    Begin to visualize what you want for your future. You had some idea before the traumatic event, so expand upon that and begin to visualize your new life, adding to it what you need to create success.
    Focus on self care. It’s not always easy to take care of oneself when they are feeling the pain of life. If eating is difficult, set an alarm and eat a small amount of healthy food ever few hours. If eating is what you do to alleviate stress, do the same…small amounts of healthy foods every 2-3 hours will help keep your physical body functioning well while your mind and heart work things out.
    Take walks.
    Be silent and listen to your inner voice. Find the place where you can be safely alone in the quiet of your own soul. In nature is a great place. Or in your favorite chair. Or in a park. Or in bed. Listen to what messages you are giving yourself. Are they in your favor? Are they the messages you’ve heard from those who didn’t have your interests at heart? What messages would you WANT to hear? What messages would move you to a better place in life?
    And above all, remember that you are an amazing person to love! Give yourself all the love and acceptance that you have been missing. When you love YOU, you will draw more love into your life than you can imagine…and you will be able to love others with a greater strength, power and understanding than you knew you had. Isn’t that what we want for ourselves, anyway?
    I live today…focusing on the is-ness. And I thank you for this video and my opportunity to think through my own passage. Blessings to all those who need a little umph to get back in the saddle. We can do it! Yes?

  77. In my experience, what has been really helpful for me and my clients during moments of intense grief, whether it be from an old trauma or a new pain, is the ability to feel the pain deeply…and then set an intention to allow it to transform into what we need, like love, or peace.

    To be brave enough to allow yourself to completely feel pain is a big step. This is essential to healing. However, sometimes, we get stuck in this stage of being hurt because we don’t know the next step.

    The next step is to transform your pain and allow it to leave. When you transform something, you don’t lose anything, rather you gain something beautiful in it’s place.

    I highly encourage people to try this 🙂

  78. Sara Morency

    Thank you so much, Marie! This was incredibly timely and helpful for me. I am in heartbreak, but just needed a little reminder to not make more drama out of it and just be in this moment. Which is good because I have a new campaign to launch today! And I don’t want to be doing that from a victimized, woe-is-me place. So thanks so much, again! Hope you feel better. xo

  79. Deb

    I once woke in a strange place and had no feeling below my chest. Discovered I had been in a coma for two and a half months. Couldn’t walk, talk, or write.
    Strategies you offered in the video Marie were used. Love, support, and a lot of hard work is what brought me out of that funk. Couldn’t have done it without my animals also.

  80. The thing is- everybody has do go through tough times in life. Nature was especially in those days very helpful for me, after a walk I always felt a little bit better…

  81. I moved to a tiny town last year to be near my parents after my mom was diagnosed with cancer. No jobs in my field, so my yarn business became my fulltime job and it took off, major big time. Well, Mom’s cancer was deemed terminal, she started home hospice, my folks moved to a slightly larger town to be near their needed services, so I moved … again. And less than two weeks after doing so, Mom died.

    Mom and I were super super close: best of friends and she was both my biggest cheerleader and invaluable business mentor. So I really felt the immense and nearly unbearable pain on personal and business levels.

    My business took a huge hit and I nearly closed up shop. But I’m starting to be rebound and here’s how I’m managing:

    1. Believe in something/someone bigger than yourself. I’m a Christian and that faith and relationship has been my #1 support and rock.

    2. Have someone(s) you can talk with. Dad and I really grew close and bonded as Mom’s caretakers, experiencing things together that were heartbreaking while beautiful. We talk every day, not just about how much we miss Mom or sharing memories. That has been a real blessing, for both of us.

    3. What needs to happen right this moment (Marie’s “your is-ness is your business”)? I also call this “put one foot in front of the other” (yes, I love Christmas cartoons). 🙂 I could have let myself have a full meltdown and implode my business the two months following Mom’s passing. Instead, I remained focused on “which orders can I dye and ship today?” I had way more work than I could handle even when I was on my game, so this helped me keep working away on the backlog of orders (which is nearly caught up, yay!).

    4. Where do I want to go from here? I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and that even the absolutely worst things are opportunities if we keep our eyes open. After SO much soul searching and soul wringing (do I just close down and move back to the big city to work fulltime? do I work part time and scale back my business? do I go whole hog and go for it with my biz?), I am staying near my dad (he really needs me) and moving full force ahead with my biz. Not just by the seat of my pants: I’ve been working on strategic planning, business modeling, marketing planning, etc. and the results are already showing. Not just in my revenue and customer engagement, but deep within myself, with increased confidence and a strong sense that “this” is the right thing to be doing.

    I miss Mom beyond belief and some days it just hits me. You have to let yourself feel it. I try to embrace my pain when it hits, have that good cry, and when that wave is over, get back on track.

    This is a such a great topic, Marie, thank you. All through Mom’s decline and then her passing, I just kept thinking how we as humans are so fortunate to love as deeply as we do; however, with that comes our ability to feel immense, unbelievable pain. Making it through that pain is what makes us stronger, better people, although it doesn’t feel like it in those moments. 🙂

    • Brenda thanks so much for your comment. I recently lost my Mom but it was an unexpected and sudden passing. But through it all I’ve learned no matter how your Mom or parent passes it’s a painful and life changing experience. It throws us off balance. I agree some days it hits me that she’s really gone. It’s hard to have those thoughts right in the middle of trying to build a business, raise a family and just keep living. I have searched deeper within my soul than I ever have and reached to my faith in ways that are so real. Hugs to you and to anyone that has experience loss and pain. Live Day by Day and I’ve found time heals the raw wounds so we can keep living and find ways to thrive after these kinds of events.

      • I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom, Shari, and agree with your very wise words. Hugs right back to you!

  82. I can say I finally feel gratitude for my health experience of MS. I always have thought, how can I be happy and grateful for becoming immobile and disabled? Well, This experience has forced me to slow down. If I was completely healthy, I would be busy running around, and completely in my head thinking of all of the things I need to do to raise my family (5 children) effectively. Now, because I am sitting and still so much of my day, My choices are:
    1-to sit and think making myself crazy worrying about my situation, Or
    2-go inward. I have had all the time I needed to be silent and be still Praying, meditating and being available for inspiration. “Be still and know that I AM God.”

    I have felt like I am being replaced, not able to do all of the things that I want to do. Now, I see that all along I have been the recipient of so much love and support so that I can do what I really need to do. I would have never written a book or developed the Global Shared Agreements program for young girls. I never would have had the opportunity to help millions of mothers and their children. I am the luckiest girl on earth.

    Life has been preparing me all along.

    We are powerful beings! Be strong

    Thanks Marie, great conversation


    • Julie, that is so amazingly true, about how illness can force us to slow down and just BE. Be present. Such a huge gift! You inspire me!!!

  83. Holly

    I found that releasing the emotions about whatever loss has happened helps to purge them and bring the situation into the light better. I found I have more determination and strength by doing this. Also talking it out with a trusted friend who can be an observer always helps to bring a different perspective to the situation. It never helps to belittle yourself but can be an opportunity to grow and be better next time. When things no longer serve from love, it’s time to let go for bettet

  84. I understand how difficult life and circumstances can seem. Through my own journey to opening myself up to each experience I have found so much more of my true self and who I am versus living out societal beliefs or living through past hurts again and again.
    I became a Certified Resonance Repatterning practitioner, which has allowed me to trace the specific memories, beliefs and wounds to the root of the wisdom I am uncovering for myself. I know that there is always something I want to learn and that every sorrow I experience allows me to break my heart open wider so that I may love myself and others even more.
    May you find your own wisdom, peace and joy so that your life may open to an even bigger experience of yourself and your world.

  85. Hi Marie! you sounded as cute as ever!! I went to sleep feeling confused woke up this morning wondering wanted to ask you a question little did I know thats the exact question Vanessa is asking and its waiting for me in my email!

    I can’t thank Vanessa enough for asking that question and I can’t thank you enough for reading out loud and answering it. Its like we know all that but its good to hear it time to time and re-fresh our self on everything is going to be ok!! thank you so much!! xoxo always I have a huge smile on my face and heart!! Thank you Vanessa and Marie!!

  86. I keep a life journal and when I find that I need to reason things out or understand what’s happening in my life I turn to my journal. I write and write and puts my thoughts and feelings into the journal. Sometimes in the writing is the answer that I’ve been feeling inside of me. I just needed to see it on paper. I know it sounds old school but it works.

    I’ve kept my journals and sometimes I go back and read them. When I do it always makes me realize that life will hand you a detour now and then and it’s like you said Marie, “everything happens for a reason”.

    You have to learn how to deal with those detours. You learn a new way to approach changes. You also learn that you are a lot stronger than you thought. I also discuss things with my husband and he’s always there giving me moral support and helping me to find the strength that he knows is there and that I sometimes forget I have.

  87. Wow, what a great video and I’m LOVING the supportive comments from everyone!

    Dear Vanessa, you WILL survive. I got through a broken engagement (one we mutually broke) after a 9 year relationship with a wonderful man, my college sweetheart, and had to start all over again, defining myself and my path. Every assumption had to be tested. During that time, I floundered, I cried, I denied, I threw myself into a toxic relationship. Coming out of that, I decided to accept my wonderful life for everything it already had going for it and I started pursuing my own desires and dreams: acting, writing. Soon I then met the love of my life who is now my wonderful husband. And I was a better person for him after all I’d learned about myself in the first broken relationship. We’ve now been married 7 years.

    And 5 years ago, my life almost ended from a near-fatal brain aneurysm rupture – just 6 months after starting my own business. The slate got wiped clean, all plans put on hold. I slowly recovered, rebooted and had to adapt to new cognitive and psychological changes. I made an amazing recovery, which I chronicled in my memoir, Rebooting My Brain (you can find free sample chapters and excerpts on to inspire you!).

    How did I bounce back? Three keys got me through: Patience, Acceptance and Humor. Patience to take small steps of progress every day, as Marie advises – just getting forward momentum each and every day rather than thinking I’d go from 0 to 60 in a week after this major health crisis. Acceptance at the new person I’d become as a result, as Marie advises taking the lessons. Once I accepted that things were different and stopped trying to get back to the way things USED to be and focus on the reality in front of me now, my ability to adapt and recover soared. And finally, humor: it’s so important to keep finding the humor in the darkness – keep things light, clear your mind, relieve the pressure by letting go of some of the drama and trying to laugh in the face of adversity. This saved me and my family and friends during our roughest patched and helped lighten the load so we could all think more clearly and problem solve.

    Best of luck to you Vanessa! Mourn the loss, but anticipate the excitement of this new chapter in your life. I promise you: you will be a better person for this experience, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

  88. Elena

    When my world feels like it’s disintegrating, I pet my cat, I read and I tell the screaming voice in my head that it has no bearing on anything…bug off!
    It is very consoling to have the neurological reasons for your quandaries explained…seriously, you GET that you’re not crazy…it’s the damage done to your brain! What a relief.

    Now proceed ONE step at a time. Forgive. Refocus.

  89. What an important message, Marie. Thank you! As someone who has gone through a tough break-up and dealt with multiple set-backs thus far in my life, I could resonate which each piece of the advice you gave. They never said life was going to be easy, right? It’s getting through the tough times that makes it all the more satisfying. Best of luck, Vanessa! You’re in good company in this rebuilding process 🙂

  90. Hi Marie,

    The timing of this video is impeccable. (and a bit eerie) My son completed suicide (completed is the term the grief counselor is requiring us to use) less than two weeks ago and it has been a challenging setback to say the least.

    As I tried to dive back into some work after the services last week it has been impossible to get my head out of this fog. I find your four key points insightful and I am beginning to apply them immediately after I finish writing this comment.

    Thank you so much for this message today. It is so well timed and needed.


    • Rick I am so sorry for your loss. Much love to you as you process your grief, and hopefully start on a path of healing.

    • Rick, I’m so sorry about your son. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  91. Ashley

    When I’m feeling lost, I find myself again! This usually requires lots of “me” time like long runs, eating amazingly healthy foods, and doing things alone that I would normally do in a group. Eventually I start shining again, and when I feel the shine and others see it? I know I am found 😀

  92. Whitney

    This might be morbid. But it’s helped me tremendously in not being constantly upset about a family member’s illness.
    I try to remember that all we have is the present moment by thinking that the world could end tomorrow. I don’t dwell on it or feel fear, but rather use it to make the most of today. Instead of crying that my dad might not be here next year, I focus on enjoying the day I have with him now. It could be everyone’s last day today so there’s no point stressing or getting upset over the things we can change tomorrow!

  93. Oliver


    I am so fortunate to hear this video. Ever since I accepted that losing contact with my online friend, Tracie is the new norm, I feel lost. When I get this “lost” feeling the majority of my thoughts return to what I do not have, “her” instead of what I do have, “I don’t know?” Maybe……… “Good health.”
    : )

    If I get into a bind like this, normally, just thinking about something bigger then myself helps me get motivated, for instance election issues, out sourced manufacturing, or other people. This time that process is not working as good when there are time constraints.

    Marie, thank you for bringing these other motivational techniques to light. Will implement.


  94. Kathy

    Wow, my daughter forwarded this to be because you described where I am perfectly! Shattered and lost!! 2 years ago I left (escaped) my life in Florida and moved to CA to be closer to my daughters and start a new life. I have been stuck ever since and can’t seem to get a foothold feeling like I am sinking in quicksand. Although I thought I did a lot of spiritual work over the years, it all disappeared in an instant. My lack of motivation and fear griping thoughts have paralyzed me. But today I actually admitted most importantly to myself that I am very sad and unhappy, something I never did always “acting” like life is rosie. It actually felt good and sucked at the same time? My lack of action has been keeping me in the “pain” rather then feel it and move on. I just placed some calls to my good friends for help which again is a big step for me but it was at least some sort of action.
    After listening to your video, I saw myself so clearly for the first time in a long time! I think I will force myself to take a walk today! And maybe stop playing all the drama of what ifs in my head and think about what I know I am capable of!!!
    Thank you so much for this video today!!!! xoxoxo

  95. On September 22last year, I woke up blind. I have been a freelance graphic designer for years and I love what I do. I’ve been blind in one eye since birth but never really noticed. But last fall, with no warning, I experienced a detached retina. Since then, I’ve had 4 surgeries and, according to my doctor, I have recovered all the sight I am going to have. It’s not enough to do what I’m brilliant at.

    Ffear and grief are my constant companions. Every step is precarious. But so are my friends, my clients, my mastermind group, my fellow business owners. And right now, I can breathe, I can laugh, and I can see that, in spite of everything, I am a whole and complete human being with talent and experience. I haven’t got any idea where this will take me but its going to be one hell of a ride. Thank you for the reminder that we never have any control over what life hands out, we always have a choice about who we will be in the face of those circumstances. And I choose to be powerful, free and open to life. Helps yeah!!

    • Karen, it’s sounds like there ‘s a talented writer in you too!

  96. Brianne

    I was with someone for 6 years when we broke up. The relationship did quite the number on my self esteem. I remember leaving his house for the last time and holding it together until I got home. In the garage, I sat in my car bawling my eyes out, my head slumped on the steering wheel. But then something quite wonderful happened. I had the most determined thought I’ve ever. I said to myself, “NOTHING is more important to me than feeling better than I do right now.”

    So, I did the bare minimum in my ‘outside’ life (work, friends, family) – and every waking moment for the next two months was spent on self improvement. I gave myself permission to let everything else go (temporarily) because what I was doing felt so important. I meditated (alot), I sat with my thoughts and analyzed them. They went into one of two categories – helpful, or not helpful (which has remained an amazing tool for me). I thought about what I wanted from life, what I wanted in a partner, what I wanted from myself. I gave myself a self esteem make over bootcamp, found my self worth and came out of it a whole new woman.

    And just two short months after that breakup, I met the most amazing man and have a relationship I thought only existed in the movies. But the most powerful thing that came from the ‘work’ I did, is the freedom it gave me. I know that even if this beautiful relationship should be gone – I’ll be okay. I’ll experience pain and sadness, but no regret, no heart break, no hopelessness. With or without someone, I’m a solid person.

    All of that came from a breakup. And, even though I haven’t spoken to my ex in over 2 years, I am so amazingly grateful for him and that experience. It was a stepping stone for greater things to come and made me so much more than what I was before.

    Amazing power can come from pain. As long as you let it strengthen you instead of harden you, you’ll be ok. 🙂

  97. I had to start over in my life several times. Each start over was strength building for my soul, however just like a workout, the pain does produce gain. Our life is a journey and this journey is empowering me to be who I am today…strong, sexy and smart! Thanks Marie for sharing with us!






    • Kamryn

      I think you’ll be okay. I made a list of reasons why I wanted to hate my ex, but I just couldn’t hate them because I loved them too much. After a while, that list started a fire in me to focus on making myself a better person, see what he missed out on.

  99. Michelle

    Great episode, I never expect less! I went through a very hard time when I lost my kidney function and I had to go onto dialysis. During this time my husband decided to have a 3 year affair. Talk about trying to not crawl into a big black hole. I decided that whatever he does or how he chooses to screw up his life I was not going to let this define who I was or ruin me and my child. Whenever I could find the strength I used a montra that a life coach once gave me “Move a muscle, change a thought”. So when you find yourself getting into that place that is so malignant to your own wellbeing you have to force yourself to change your way of thinking or just get up and out of the physical space your in. Whatever it takes to get yourself to a new place where you can bring a healthier mindset. Your the olny one that can do this for you and each one of us is worth it.

  100. My husband recently passed (Feb 28) and at 47 I feel like I’m 18 and being pushed out into the world all over again. Though this time I do have a skill-set I still feel completely lost.

    Taking it one moment at a time is all I’m capable of doing. Work and keeping busy keep my mind from wandering to far down negative or victimization thought paths.

    No matter what religious path we are on I think we can all agree that Life is all about LOVE, and learning and growing as a person and spiritual being. Handling your situation with love and as much grace as you are currently capable of is the goal, or at least my goal.

    AND I try and focus on what I’m grateful for.

    — I am grateful for the almost 20 years I was able to spend with my husband.
    — I am grateful for the phenomenal support I’ve received from my friends and family—I wan’t left alone for the first 30 days!
    — I am so grateful for our son and how incredibly well he has and is handling everything.
    — I am grateful that I have good health and a skill-set and will be able to support myself

    Focusing on what you are grateful for is one less moment you give your mind to play all those negative tapes in your head, AND it will bring love into your heart.

    Marie I thoroughly enjoy your videos, you are absolutely adorable, and uplifting.
    Keep ROCKIN IT!

    • Jules – I’m so sorry to hear about your husband passing but I’m inspired by the grace with which you are handling such a recent loss. Letting your heart and gratitude guide you during difficult times instead of allowing the bad stuff to play in your head is such incredible advice.
      All my best! ~ Steph

      • Thank you Stephanie.
        Life is not easy for any of us. Even the most blessed of us face our own difficulties and traumas. These hardships are opportunities for us to learn and grow. In this respect we are not unlike the children we ourselves raise.

  101. YES! I love Marie’s advice on this topic. She is absolutely right about the phenomenon of looking back and being able to say “without [the-horrible-thing-that-happened] I wouldn’t now have [wonderful-thing-instead].”

    The old saying “whatever doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger,” really makes sense. When we face something bad in our lives, we grow, learn new lessons, and find resources inside ourselves that we never knew we had.

    Several years ago I hit rock bottom and had a breakdown that nearly ended my marriage. Survival (and the desire to salvage my relationship) kicked in – I got into therapy, changed job, made some other important changes, and started on a spiritual journey. All this led me to where I am today: working on building a business that helps people develop themselves and achieve important self discoveries without the painful process I went through.

    No way I could be where I am today without having gone through that painful experience. 🙂

  102. I think if you’ve been alive long enough and willing to actually live and take a few risks, you’ve probably had something really earth-shattering happen or your world turned upside-down. When I realized my (now ex) husband wanted a divorce, I was crushed. I felt really betrayed and frustrated with the way things went down, and I remember being SO upset at how life was turning out. But I picked myself up and got interested in things I had previously given up, and life got better. In reality, he did me a huge favor. If I hadn’t gone through it and had to pull myself out the other side, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to move across the country, take the risks I’ve taken, and be working for myself 🙂 It takes time to see the silver lining in changes sometimes, but they are definitely always there.

  103. Wow Marie, maybe one of your best videos ever! I just forwarded this to a couple of girlfriends who are dwelling in their own misery and nothing I say seems to be help them out of the rut. But I love how you laid this out. thank you. You’re awesome!!

  104. Fiona Campbell

    Hi Marie,

    Brilliant as ever. But we’ve lost your other eye again. Can’t tell you how distracting it is. Please, please don’t continue to be a cyclops! You have TWO beauitful eyes and they both communicate so let us see the other one too!

  105. Passionate

    This is awesome insight. I’m so glad you shared this!

  106. Marie, I love the way you can easily express yourself and make people interested on what you´re saying. I have a cupcake business in Brazil and this is our last week, unfortunately… Even though, my hopes are not lost because of my faith in God.
    I believe that He provides me everything I need and He also is my best friend. For this reason, when everything feels just lost, I kinow I can count on Him to show me a better way. Sometimes, bad things happen for a good reason, so we can grow and learn out of our experiences.
    No doubts I learned A LOT during these 3 years of business experience, and I know I can do it all again and not make the same mistakes!
    Well, you´ll hear more from me very soon. I know your program will be very useful for my new plans in life.
    Thanks for being an inspiration.

    • Flavia,

      I can’t agree with you more girl. When life brings you lemon make some great, delicious lemonade. I read a book from John Maxwell “Failing Forward” in my tough times and it really inspired me to focus on moving forward. We are only in control of what God gives us acces to.

      I think we have the same “BEST FRIEND” 🙂 I have learned to leave it all in his hands. I just finished another book from Joyce Meyer “The Battle belong to the LORD” Boy let me tell you that was the last weapons I needed to overcome my sickness and restore my health. This book helps you understand how worshiping and praising the Lord is the only thing he want from us in the worse times because he will give you the strength you need while he is fighting your battle.

      I truly believe that after those 3 years you have learned so much. After all the experiences and trials now you are ready for your next one. You might not know what it is but soon your talent and skills will reveal it to you. All that in the pass is preparation for your next journey. I learned in this pass year to read more and truly spend more time with my Lord and anything that is for you no one against you can take it away if the Lord stand by your side.

      Take Care!

      • Madeline,

        it´s very good to know someone else is on the same path as me. Thnaks for the words and the support. God bless us!


  107. I had a very successful international career working in developing countries, but after 14 years, I was burned out, broke up with my fiancee, and came home. I took a job that just wasn’t right for me, and for the first time, failed at it. So I fired myself, and began trying to figure things out. Then my father became ill and I took time off to help care for him. He passed away last year. I was depressed. No job. No one seemed to want to hire me. And I had no direction.

    But I got some very good advice – JUST DO SOMETHING. And I began taking odd writing jobs. The pay was low. I still was floundering, and making “career” mistakes, but producing things got me out of my funk. I started getting “out there,” joining professional writers associations like Sisters in Crime, and slowly, a path forward emerged.

    Now I write paranormal mystery novels and my old career is calling me back for short-term assignments in exotic places. It was a long road, and a painful one, but I suddenly find myself living a childhood dream I’d forgotten I’d ever had.

  108. Great video Marie!

    There have been many times in my life when I’ve felt like I was starting over. However, we have to remember that while it may seem like we’ve taken 10 steps backwards, everything that’s happened to use has gotten us to the moment we’re in now.

    Love your advice about the “isness of the moment”. Starting a new business can feel extremely overwhelming, but when I stop worrying about how I’m going to do something, and take action in the now, I feel a lot better.


  109. This is great, I think just about all of us have gone through something similar at one time or another. When I was 22 I had just had a baby with my boyfriend of 3 years, was going to school full time, working part time and ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and moving back in with my parents. I felt like my world was crumbling but somehow I was able to rise above all of it and felt better than ever when I realized how much I was able to accomplish even with all of my cards stacked against me!

  110. I loved this. It’s suggesting taking small bites so as to not be overwhelmed. It’s great advice.
    I’ve lost 4 jobs since moving here and having my son – all due to company buy out or outright failure. I’m 54 and have never felt so much as an outlier in the job search. I’d always have this feeling that at the end of each job, it/I would be okay but these days I enter an interview and I feel like I’m the desperate girl trying to prove I get it rather than the experienced, competent professional I am. I hate looking back and seeing her as the girl I wouldn’t hire.
    It’s hard, especially with clinical depression [for which I take supplements rather than drugs] and I still haven’t clicked into the ‘its going to be okay’ but I AM lucky and blessed. My son is healthy, my parents [God bless them] are helping, I’m engaged to a good man who is loving, supportive and kind. I’m struggling with the idea of taking a job to have it rather than to love it. There’s still lots of drama but thank you for the reminder – its only that if I let it be that.
    Off to something better, one step at a time. 🙂 Thank you for this.

  111. Christina

    I spent 16 yrs in a D.V (Domestic Violence) relationship. I was in years of denial because I had an incredibly low self esteem & confidence.
    After years of pain & misery I finally “woke up” & decided that not only the fact that life had to be better but that I DESERVED BETTER!
    I will always be grateful to my best friend who supported me throughout, who believed in me, that I could be strong & helped me to believe in myself so I could be that person I needed to be…..ME!
    I look back now (it’s been 1 1/2 yrs since I left him) & I can laugh again wholeheartedly knowing I made it through.
    If I can do it anyone can!!! Xxxx

    No matter how much

    • Nakeia

      So proud of you Christina!

      My sister is dealing with this now(for 16 years)

      Your message gives me hope!

  112. I totally agree with you Marie 100% I too went through something similar and it’s a new beginning but it does take discipline and just get it done.

    Hope you feel better!

  113. Byron Friday (@akaTGIF)

    I am a one way motorway
    I’m a road that drives away
    Then follows you back home
    I am a street light shining
    I’m a wild light blinding bright
    Burning off alone

    It’s times like these you learn to live again
    It’s times like these you give and give again
    It’s times like these you learn to love again
    It’s times like these time and time again

  114. You are awesome Marie and your advice is so down to earth. Thank you!

  115. I so needed the reminder to take myself out of the drama….stop the drama bus….this girl is getting off!

  116. Nakeia

    I have been in a similar space before. It’s difficult to even breathe when the worst in life happens all at once.

    Your advice on living in the moment was spot on! That is how I breathe through difficult times. The worst— or whatever negative circumstance I faced had happened already. That part was over. The only thing that I could handle was that present moment.

    Moving forward this is what I do when I feel lost:

    Breathe ( to gain control of my mind, body, and spirit)
    Face what I can’t change and work to fix whatever I can ( this allows me to recognize my own strength)
    Rally supportive friends together for a quick mastermind ( getting their point of view helps)
    Keep moving( getting out as much as possible, staying out of my own thoughts, finding some meaningful project to work on)

    Great video! Very timely as a make my way through some difficulty myself.


  117. Blanca

    Hi Marie! I´ve discovered my own way to start again with new positive feelings, it´s like a mixture between some things I’ve read before… when I feel depressed, also embarrassed or like I cannot continue the day because some negative feelings push me to remember something bad that happened… I just begin to hear relaxing music and do things that make me feel better and that are related with my plans of having more money, feeling beautiful, also things that remember me the prosperous and abundant situation in which I live right now. That makes me feel different, also I forgive myself of everything that could have happened in the past precisely to let me continue with the wonderful day that is happening in the present, suddenly positive things happen maybe in 1 minute but if I continue like that, I let that wonderful oportunities will come to me for the rest of the day or for the rest of the week. Thank you for this video, it’s one more thing that reminds me that now I’m a better person. GBY (God Bless You 🙂 ) !!

  118. Thank you Marie, I almost broke down here at work today! I work everyday on being present with every moment, like you mentioned. Every day I wake up wondering what part of my body will hurt (I am in physical pain everyday) and how much my OCD will take up my time. I started teaching yoga last year, and getting to teach helps me to remember about my breath constantly. I’m working on meditating on short mantras too, since anything longer feels too much. I have a hard time being the only constant in my life to keep my head up, though. I don’t have much support, and the support I do have, I have a hard time accepting. (lovely OCD) But I’ve always been determined that the grass really is greener and it always has been when I put in the work. So I get up every day anyway, I shower anyway, I teach anyway, I eat right anyway, I go to my survival job anyway. And I wear a bracelet that say “Every little thing’s gonna be alright” so Bob Marley’s always singing in my head. Then I smile, rockin’ to the reggae beat, and breathe and repeat “Dance” to myself. Someday I’ll be strong enough and able to dance on a regular basis, I’ll be strong enough to sing on a regular basis, and I hold out hope that my body will be reliable enough at some point so that I can live out my purpose and dreams here. And man, will my appreciation for it be so vast, the whole world over. If I’m okay in this moment, depressed, tired, in pain, wanting to eat everything in sight, wanting to lay in a cave all day, then I can handle anything. Right? Right…

  119. Your topic of ‘Feeling Lost’ really got my attention (all of your articles do but this one did especially!) About 18 months ago, my husband had a sudden, massive heart attack and kidney failure. He was in cardiac intensive care for over a month, and I was left with weeks of caring for him, taking over his business in addition to mine, and driving 100 miles a day back and for the to hospital. ‘Lost’ was a great way to describe how I was feeling. What got me through?
    1. Understanding and accepting that I could not control every outcome. I was fortunate to be able to have had a phone conversation with David JI (then with the Chopra Center) and he told me that for me to be ok, I had to focus on what I could control – this gave me the energy that I needed to deal with the myriad of medical decisions and business and financial issues that were piling on. It was really a ‘relief’ to know that I was not in control of it all. That was the most nourishing advice that I could have ever received.
    2. Accepting help from others – Maria talked about getting through the day and focusing on the day. For me that meant being open to strangers who gave me a smile when I most needed it; having someone drive me to the hospital; going out with a girlfriend for a much-enjoyed glass of wine. I found there were ‘angels’ all around ready to give to me – I just needed to open my eyes, get outside of my feelings, and be open to the love that was right in front of me.’
    3. The third thing was to be grateful. Boy, was this the hardest part! I had to accept and know inside that this was all for a reason and that it was not just about what was happening to me but that, somehow, others would benefits from our experience. Being curious helped- – I often asked myself ‘ I wonder what will be…?”

    So a year and a half later, my husband survived, is still in recovery but doing well, I started a new business and look at each day with gratitude.
    I hope these thoughts will help you, too, deal with those times when you are feeling ‘lost’.

  120. Hey Marie,

    Omg!. Three years ago, I was devastated !. The market had crashed, I lost all my savings and to make matters worse both by jobs went sideways at the exact same moment. I was going through a breast cancer scare. ( nothing happened with that but had to do a operation) I had bill collectors at my door and my relationship went south. No small wonder. I had never had such horrible time in my ife. It was to say the least mind numbing and I was more like a animal in the head lights of a car waiting for it to hit and get it over with. Then lucky me. .. I hit bottom. Cause there is only one way up from there!. And I met a woman in a yoga class ..she was running a self help course and I enrolled. Took me ages to get out of the self pity party!. Turns out I had been on the path to a big giant pity party for some time. When I got out of the pity party mode and was able to ask myself.. “what did I want in my life , really” ?? Thats when things starting to change. Its been a long process and I am still learning for sure. But its what gave me the courage to take your course, (still working on it.. !) and make some exciting positive change. So exciting.. new web site.. new blog, New letter coming .. and much more work to do. But its all coming together. Thank you. My comment is wordy !. Still working on Copy writing!. 🙂 d

  121. OMGosh great post today!!! I know people in my life that needed to HEAR this today!! I’ve been telling her to not give it the value she is giving it and she had the POWER to overcome this and to learn a valuable lesson from this situation!!

    Thanks so much!! Sharing with her now!!


  122. Mireille

    So true, Marie! I felt exactly the way Vanessa feels when I got divorced 5 years ago. However, now I know that it was a good thing I did cause otherwise I wouldn’t have met my new husband who is the PERFECT match for me!

    I wish Vanessa all the best. It won’t happen overnight but you’ll get there 🙂

  123. Thanks for Allison’s question today on MarieTV. It was exactly what I needed to hear right now. I’m going through a lot of what Allison is going through and your advice definitely hits the spot, so thanks Marie and Allison!

  124. henna

    way to go team forleo! awesome episode (even without furniture).

  125. Ronda

    “Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
    – Rumi
    So very true……….

  126. MarikaK

    Hi Marie,
    Gurrl, I am a huge fan of yours! Thank you so much for posting this video. Yes, I’m feeling lost. I am 37 and my husband of 4 years and I are divorcing. I did not know that my husband has substance abuse issues when we married. We had a storybook romance, he swept me off my feet and were married in a beautiful wedding on a Greek island. I moved to LA from NC to make a life with him. I was so happy! We had agreed that we were going to start a family quickly and so I was very happy being a wife and looking forward to becoming a mother. Before getting married I had a career making six digits, was fully self-sufficient and life was amazing. I totally lost myself in my marriage – I allowed myself to be emotionally abused and my self-esteem disappeared. Everything became about Him, how to help Him, what He did to me. I finally took control of my life and realized that no matter how much I loved him, I love me more. The biggest betrayal was not that my husband has a substance issue, that demands compassion, but that I betrayed myself by becoming what I thought he wanted me to be.

    Now I am back in NC, living with my parents in my childhood bedroom with my dog. The career I had before I was married is no longer a good fit for me so I am starting over in every sense. Through the help of my family I am regaining my health (which had also deteriorated during my marriage) and redefining my identity. I am so fortunate that I get to reinvent myself! Your message is so important for me, “Make is-ness your business” is just what I needed to hear. I have finally stopped judging myself and can fully move into the future, one day at a time. What helped me the most was to think, write and talk (with people I trust and who are supportive) about the life I want. I read books. I watch your videos. I exercise. I pray and meditate. I have honest conversations with myself about what I want so I don’t lose myself again. Although I can’t wait to become a mommy one day I am so thankful to have this opportunity to create the life I truly want.

    Thank you again for giving me this forum to express myself and my gratitude for you. You are a shooting star Marie!
    Blessings, Marika

  127. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse so feeling down and hopeless are feelings I am very familiar with. Embracing my childhood is what changed everything for me. Once I realized that my trauma is what has built me into the woman I am today, my life got so much brighter. I enjoy checking out your blog every week, you always seem to perk me up when I am feeling lost. Thank you for restoring some motivation and positivity in my heart.

  128. Awesome furniture!! Love it!

  129. Gonna practice “Make is-ness your business.” Sage advice.

  130. Lisa

    I’ve been shattered and lost for years. I got laid off in Jan 2009, and haven’t bounced back yet. I wasn’t even very happy in that job! I got a good severance, had oodles of experience, and didn’t sweat it at the time. Until it took me 2 years to find new work. I’ve been in my new job now for 2.5 years, and I’m still not back on track. I had to take something with an awful commute (115 miles per day) just to keep from losing everything. I had been on welfare. Food stamps. Medicaid. Energy assistance. Everything in my life for 2 years was humiliating and depressing. Now I still have no life because of this awful commute, and I took a job that I knew how to do, not something I wanted to do. I don’t know exactly what I want to do, but at 45, I know enough to know that starting over in *anything* will cost my home. It sucks the life right out of me. I don’t even know where to turn.

    • Kamryn

      I’m hopeless. But you’re not going to just bounce back. Nothing is going to just fix you. You need to do things. I know it’s hard but try going to the gym or something, it’s a great outlet and distraction

  131. Going through it now and KNOW that I was meant for more and through pain “pruning” is the only way to growth. Through growth one will bear fruit!

  132. Awesome Marie. We only have today. Tomorrow doesnt exist….

  133. I went to visit family over Christmas one year and 2 days before Christmas, I lost my job. I was flat broke and knew I couldn’t live off of unemployment and the job market had started to tank. As soon as I got back from my trip, I reached out to friends for support and sure enough I ended up getting my first freelance job (which was a huge project over many months), that eventually led me to start my own graphic design/website business. It was pretty easy to see how losing my job was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

    Fast forward to a year later. Staying afloat but still trying to figure out the ways of running my own business and our house gets broken into on Christmas eve. They took my computer, my laptop, my backup hard drive, and it felt like the stole my livlihood. All my credit cards went to collections and I had nothing to show for all of my hard work.

    It was a very low point in my life and I cried myself to sleep many nights. I let myself feel the pain, but I knew in my heart I was strong enough to beat this and I wouldn’t be defeated. At some point I just decided that I was tired of being miserable and I had 2 choices. I could wallow in misery and feel sorry for myself, or I could work as hard as I could every day and trust that the universe would support me. I leaned on my friends and anyone who was willing to help me. I borrowed computers to work on so I could make ends meet and used any spare money I had and borrowed the rest I needed to buy a new one. I HATE borrowing money and it really hurt my pride to be in a position to be so vulnerable and have to ask for help, but I think we all need to learn humility sometime.

    I completely agree with the taking it day by day. Focus on one thing at a time, or it may feel completely overwhelming. I still can’t really see the reasons behind what happened except maybe that it gave me faith in myself, knowing I am strong enough to beat anything that comes my way. Every problem after that has seemed smaller in comparision. I’ve kept a lot “in the cloud” as well and definitely have renter’s insurance now, so there are the little lessons.

    Lean on those that are there to support you in any way possible. You never know who could end up really helping you. It sucks to be the one who is in that position, but at some point the roles will be reversed. Surround yourself with as many positive people as possible, their energy is contagious.

    Do what you can do today, and trust that the universe will take care of you. Realize that there is a force that is bigger than banks, bigger than your credit cards, bigger than the drama… and that force loves you and wants you to be happy.

    If anything maybe my story will help others to see that if you put your thoughts, energy and actions in the right direction, the universe will help you and you may be surprised where that help comes from. Be open to good fortune, and it may just find you.

  134. Once again you rock Marie!!! Thanks for always sharing such inspiring truth. You’re fabulicious! Refining our vision is going to be painful as we chip off the parts that shouldn’t be there. Change is hard but like a diamond it undergoes a ton of pressure to turn our gorgewah and sparkly!

  135. Thanks for this video, Marie! I had a period 2 years ago where my brother had just been diagnosed with bipolar and was in jail, I had a miscarriage, my best friend completely dropped me as a friend, my MIL had a crazy day in the ER (and she is crazy, so that didn’t help), my stepdad nearly died due to undiagnosed kidney failure and my mom’s best friend died of a brain tumor less than a year after being diagnosed. This all happened within 6 months – talk about exhausting!

    There were a few things that really helped me. First, realizing who I really could (and couldn’t) count on in my life. The people who I thought would step up didn’t, and those who did really surprised me.

    Second, even though I was really devastated about losing my best friend, it also made me realize that I didn’t see how much drama she had been adding to my life. And, I had been letting her! Letting her go created room for other incredible women to become part of my life.

    It helped me get really clear, really quickly, on what really matters. I was able to let go of so much BS that I had been hanging to, and drama that I’d been (unwittingly) creating in my life. Even though that time was incredibly challenging, it’s helped me re-shape how I structure my life, so much so that my husband and I are going on a 3 month self-drive safari and camping sabbatical through Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia and South Africa this summer.

    I am so glad you shared tip #2 – this is something I talk about with my clients all the time. It’s one of the very best things you can do during the healing process. Hell yes it hurts, but you can’t move forward until you move through it.

    Thanks again!

  136. Funnily, I always get really pumped when challenges enter my life now. I have come to love them and I really enjoy that moment where I say to myself ‘Houston, we’ve got a problem, let’s get things started’ and just enjoy brainstorming how to move forward in the process.

    The less we resist, the more we learn and stay happy!

    Jennifer Jane

  137. ami

    I can definitely relate to what Vanessa is going through. Last year my relationship and engagement of almost seven years ended, and in the beginning of the relationship we moved out to LA so I could pursue acting too.

    When we broke up, in less than a week, I packed my things, giving away almost 90% of what I owned. I moved from LA to Washington State and back in with my parents, at 28. I felt like a failure. I never thought in a million years that I would have to rely on my parents again. I was devastated, numb, and in shock all at once. I also felt angry and scared. Nothing felt real, and it felt like my fiance had died. I was grieving hard core. It’s gotten better over time, but I won’t lie– I still am grieving in some ways. It doesn’t go away overnight. Strangely somehow I’m grateful that it doesn’t either, though. Because there was still beauty in that relationship, and there is a lesson. I want to make sure that I take the time to appreciate that, even if it hurts sometimes. It hurts because it mattered.

    But I am still actively working to feel better, and be better every day. What has helped is starting to see my own value again, through reading books, watching videos like Marie’s, and pushing myself to have new and different experiences. Spending time with my friends and family. Facing my fears. Practicing forgiveness of myself and of others. Making goals and projects that I work on one day at a time.

    I also started my blog, which I committed to writing every weekday for a year, and it’s crazy but I’m already six months in. It’s evolved as I’ve evolved and it’s really cool to see that chronicled. I NEVER would have thought writing five times a week possible before. There have been countless days when I’ve wanted to quit. But I remember reading a quote not long after I arrived in Washington that said if you write a page every day, in a year you’ll have a book. That’s what I think about now when approaching anything, including my own personal growth.

    I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Even now, as I struggle to have patience for my next move, I believe that it will all work out for the best. That’s the hardest part, I think– believing. But when you do, and you act based on what is (making is-ness your business) I’ve found that amazing things really do happen.

  138. A few years ago I was in an unhealthy and abusive relationship. Knowing that 1)everything happens for a reason and 2) I was not a victim, but the observer of my reality, helped me to stand back and see how I had created a reality that was an outward expression of the lack of self-love I felt deep inside. Not an easy thing to admit to oneself. I made the choice to empower myself instead and that gave me the courage to leave him, breaking my own heart (one of the hardest things I ever did- I was addicted to him and surprisingly experienced both emotional and physical withdrawl symptoms), surrendered to the breakdown, allowed the pain to be when it surfaced (prior to I used to be a master of avoiding truly feeling deeply) without dwelling in it, dove deep into my spiritual practice, allowed new forms of meditation and self exploration into my life (even participated in a 3week shamanic journey in the Andes and sacred places of Peru, opening up more channels in which I discover more of myself), blessed with breakthroughs, began to love myself and to express that love in the way I ate, regular physical activity, authenticity, time for stillness and self-care, choosing joy, forgiveness and freedom. Having the courage to surrender, let go, rise again stronger, wiser, greater than before- a phoenix. And now I am honored to continue my journey of love, courage and freedom while supporting my clients along their path. Forever grateful for this moment and EVERY moment that has led up it.

  139. What a perfectly timed video! I strongly suggest a good support network – family, friends, counselors. I also believe reviewing your health, working out, reading good literature to help you grow and heal. Meditation. Take each day at a time.

  140. 2 years ago I suffered a miscarriage during my final year of university.

    It shattered me to pieces.

    I really don’t know how I got back to me it’s all a bit of a blur. I guess having university and other kids to look after made me HAVE to move and do the basics and get used to IS-ness. It IS what it IS! You got to do what you gotta do. One day at a time.

    Pain + suffering = doesn’t last forever.

    At any given moment you are one moment away from happiness, laughter or fun.

    I have a beautiful baby boy now (as you can maybe see in my piccy).

    Sometimes things have to fall apart so other things can fall together… It’s so true.

    This was one of my most favourite videos from you Marie…

    Lotsa Love

  141. Therese

    Marie, I have watched your Q&A for at least 6 months give or take missing a few and I have to say this is probably one of your best. I know you are particularly honest but the thing I liked the most was the raw honesty and how the set coincided with the question presented to you. The set was bare and to me it represented that we all as human beings are works in progress and the best times of reinvention is when everything is f***ked up and not as we planned. I learned some new things to apply to my life today. Thank You.

  142. Courtney

    Hi Marie,

    I love this video and thank you for posting it. I was in a four year relationship with a man I really love with all my heart. He broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for forever. I know this hurt me and still hurts because I didn’t understand it at first, but I’m ok with it now. I choose to look at it like we could still have feature together but not right now. I’m crossing to be positive about about my relationship with him. If I want that future I have to be positive about it. I’m trying to be positive about the things I want.

    I also met this other guy I wanted to be in a relationship with but he ran before we had our chance. I look at that like maybe it wasn’t my time to be with that person. I know this person really hurt me.

    I’m choosing to focus on myself since these things happened to me. I want to be finically stable myself before I try another relationship if I do. I really want my own business and to get out of debt.

  143. I’m a newbie to MarieTV and I truly enjoyed my first viewing! Thank you for the valuable information that I could apply to my own situation of how to move forward when “things fall apart”. I’m inspired to create a life I love!

  144. This is a really great one. It’s all just the story that you choose to tell yourself. Thanks!

  145. One day my wife of 7 years decided she had a better deal elsewhere and left. I was down about as far as one could go.

    My brother heard about and came over to my house.

    “Let’s go,” he said.


    “Let’s go look at tools.”

    So we did. He never once mentioned my wife leaving. It got me through the day.

    A you said, years later I understood that her leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me.

  146. Knit. If you don’t know how, learn. Knitting saves lives! Oh my list is too long for here (you’ll have to wait for the book 68,000 words so far thanks to RHHB-school!) But knitting, seriously has gotten me through a lot of it. One stitch at a time!

  147. Great tips. One addition, read Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.

  148. I had to start over at 39. The business I co founded was falling apart, I was broke and back at my parents’. I spent time learning stuff I needed to know to get back on my feet as an independent designer. I spent valuable time with my dad. Most importantly I spent time researching what was wrong with my moms health. Doing that brought me on a journey to understanding myself, and eventually to a major break through in sub conscious clearing. Now, on the other side I can see why I got myself into a dead end and can now see the slow process of moving forward in a hopeful light.
    When I get frustrated, I just imagine an airplane turning sharply, it takes a while but im on the right track!

  149. Sally

    I have definitely had times where I have felt shattered and lost, and completely aware that I’m going to feel pain for some time. Fortunately I’ve also always been someone who can through those times still feel that tiny little glow of hope, so deep down I always know that what’s happening is temporary. I’m so grateful that I have that.

    I’ve also had times where (and I know this will seem strange) that I have felt like I SHOULD be devastated and anxious about my future, but for whatever reason (maybe intuition), I’m just not. People who know what’s going on will say, “Oh my gosh, you must be freaking out!” But I’m strangely calm and I have this overwhelming sense that it’s all going to be okay. Disappointments may ensue, but the outcome is going to be for the better. I’m going through one of these strange calms right now, actually!

  150. kelley

    Talk about wiping the slate and starting over. I was a model once. I wasn’t the most beautiful, but I did ok….then I fell over a cliff on a mountain bike in Utah and ruined my face and a few other places received a good scar or two. I spent two years trying to fix my face and find a whole new career. My family was essential in this trying time. My boyfriend broke up with me in the hospital, and most of the people I associated with gradually fell away… so that slate cleaned itself. The few people that didn’t care about scars, jet-set lifestyle, and who-you-know social life, were still my friends. I started from there. NOW-10 years later-I have many wonderful friends, a nice career, a nice man, and a good life.

  151. Emanuela

    If you have the money, time, and desire… travelling ALWAYS seems to work for me 🙂 I know that some people look at it as “running from your problems”, but in my experience, a change of scenery, people, and experiences always clears my head and allows me to let new ideas and insights emerge. It also reminds me that life is so much bigger than me and my problems and that it’s a giant ride, so enjoy it!

  152. Marigold Gabunia

    Thanks so much, Marie. This episode is timely. I’m experiencing something lighter, I believe however, I feel somewhat similar and so will use the 4 tips you gave.

  153. Denise

    I loved you video…such a nice summary of wisdom’s I know but don’t always put into practice.

    I am finding mentors…people who uplift and inspire me as the support system that I call upon. Your videos come into this. Love that really when we get to the nuts and bolts of it, it is our own thinking and perceiving from the ego that get in the way. When we strip it all back, things aren’t quite so complicated. So one step, one move in the direction we seek and building from there helps me to get back on track.

    Thanks Marie…so inspiring!

  154. Carmen Carter

    Great advice and very on-time for me personally ……Your really good at getting the message across. Keep it coming, please 🙂

  155. Well this IS timely. I don’t know if anyone else has had to deal with this during Bschool but just this past week I had some MAJOR judgment slap me in the face.

    In the excitement of my completion of the program I told my family about it but to my absolute disappointment I was responded to with “oh what if it had of been a scam?” and “I’m sure you could had set up your business without it” and other things basically disapproving of what I’d just invested in rather than meeting me with the same enthusiasm.

    I was TOTALLY bummed out! I’ve been bullet proof to obstacles lately (thanks to Marie) but this just sent me spiraling waaaaay down. Anyway, the point is that although it’s taken some time. I’ve managed in a really uncomfortable way to place myself in their shoes and see their concern for me. I’ve also switched off the story that was ignited inside of me about similar situations in the past during my life and catch it before it began to nudge me to just give up.

    I could either allow this judgment to kill all forms of motivation within me OR I could gracefully accept that this unfortunate difference of opinion did exist and then restore FAITH in my own knowing to keep walking in the direction I know has so much to offer me, despite what others may bicker behind me back.

    So my general advice is have FAITH in yourself, and this takes conscious effort, and to also be super aware of your inner stories going on and flick the channel back to happyland, where it was before the ‘power got cut’ so to speak. xxx

  156. Marie, what an amazing video (even though you’re all flu-ed up and on medicine!) I got so, so much from this- thank you!

    Girl, I’ve been there! My life fell to bits after I was diagnosed with M.E (or CFS/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and I wish I’d had this video then. The tips that you suggest here are the basis of how I managed to heal myself and I’m now on mission to inspire others to lead their own healing. I’m definitely going to share this video with my followers!

    Accepting the present moment for what is is and not fighting is can be so difficult, but I truly believe it can lead us to a life we never though possible. If it hadn’t been for my illness, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be as strong and I wouldn’t be as grounded and grateful. Everything happens for a reason!

    Thank you Marie- hope you’re feeling better!
    Katie xx

  157. Mary Catherine

    Hello All..

    Oooh!! This is really powerful! I remember a time four years ago when I had to truly rise to the occasion. I had just evicted my ex-boyfriend from my apartment – and had just turned 50 – was moving forward slow. I took it so slow, I took my days moment to moment dealing with life items moment to moment – just taking in each task or each planned item – it was really about letting go of over thinking. In fact – I just didn’t think – I didn’t think about the past or the present – I just thought about what was in front of me.

    NOW!! I have learned that the whole experience was an amazing shift for my LIFE!! Amazing how something that in the process of going through it was excruciatingly painful but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. I have learned so much.. and continue to learn.. Awesome!! Thanks for the reminder –

    Good stuff that dayquil 🙂

    Sincerely, Mary Catherine

  158. Denise

    This was such a timely video as my spouse of over 10 years served me divorce papers out of the blue yesterday. He wants to take my two boys back to CA and because my business has been growing and I am making more money wants me to pay him alimony. It amazes me how people think when he criticized me for working and making money and yet it wants it now and my kids who are only 4 and 6 and have lived with me in TX for two years now. Spent the last two days crying and this video brought the reality back. Thank you!!!

  159. Kim Palin

    Marie, gotta say that you crack me up!!! :))Sometimes I spend half of your video just laughing at everything that is going on! Then, I start it over so I can actually reap the benefits of your wisdom. This Q & A caught me like a brick to the head!! Short condensed version( if possible) Found myself starting again at 38, 5 children aged 16,15,13,12 and 11. Had made the choice with my husband I would stay at home to raise the kids and watch the homefront, giving up my own career. We moved all over the province as my husband gained experience and knowledge in the Oil Industry. Our dream was to start our own Service Rig Company, and we did. My head was in the sand as I trusted him 100%. Through 17 years of marriage, 5 kids in 5 years, he did a 180, and boom life as I knew it was over. 2 years prior I was the driver in a pedestrian related accident, hitting a beautiful 9 year old girl named Jenny on my way to pick up one of my daughters. Guilt and shame became my new identity, along with sleeping pills to sleep, abuse arouse along with control and manipulation. I was in the middle of it and didn’t even see it! We were financially very fortunate, I wanted for nothing materialistic, but longed for the most important gifts in life. SO, after 4 years of not so nice things, I decided thats it. I was forced to leave our family home on our acreage that I had poured all my love and energy into, packed up 5 kidlets, scared to death as I was told for so long that if I left, I would never make it. Crazy what you start to believe. The next couple of years were challenging to say the least, heck he still manages to pull the carpet out from under my feet at least weekly. BUT, I am finally fooling him, I taped my stiletto heels to that piece of carpet!! No money, no job, ha… nothing to put on a resume since 1992, no credit, no career, weighing about 100 lbs soakin wet from stress. Took some courses on laser skin rejevenation, managed to get a loan to purchase my own laser, and was taken for 50k plus 12k in legal fees from a friend that claimed she needed my money more. After winning in court, she went bankrupt. Oh my, now Im in more debt, no job after all that hard work. I didnt even know how to do anything on a computer except email. 2 days after moving out, I was served with papers informing me that the family of little Jenny, and after having befriended them, decided they needed to sue me for their future. SO, I dug deeper than I ever had in my life. With my ex husband still scorned I never came back when he did everything from cancelling credit cards, to hiding all our money, to putting our company in the red and lowering his income from 260k a year to 105k so he could pay less. Well Marie, he hasnt paid a penny in alimoney, his very wealthy family pays all legal bills, I am 40 k in the hole from trying to fight him for what I felt I deserved. His lifestyle is far surpassed what it was when were were together, and lies and deceit are all he knows. 1.5 years ago, I went back to my roots. I meditated, I changed my entire way of thinking. I left poor me on the trac, visioned my goal of financial freedom, using my experience to give strength to other women who think their “husband” can do whatever he wants to them, began reading and learning like a sponge everything I could on google. I am now running a cleaning company called Now That’s Neat, employing 7 amazing gals, have 60 residential clients and 5 commercial properties. My company expanded into organizing, staging for sales and now interior design. I work all day and read and learn all night while raising my 5 children to be much more in tune with their inner authentic self that I was. My ex hisband is now being charged with 5 sexual assaults, including late brothers daughter who we helped to raise after his accident. Although I still have received no money, and minimal child support, and have picked myself up off the floor hundreds of times, I have my vision still strong. Yes, I have lost my way, and although he is going to trial not for one year, he is still managing to work his manipulative ways on my now older children as he has the money to do so. Your show today Marie, reminded me that everything he has done has been my ticket to success. Who knew I could accomplish what I have, and let me tell you, I am not even close to being done! My company is now just starting to make some profit , I have what is to be what I think a brilliant idea for an invention, and I am going to rise to give every woman in my position , hope for a new path. He and his bad energy will not pull me down one second longer, and this world hasnt seen the last of me yet! Keep reminding me, keep inspiring us all to stay empowered, positive and know that its not over til the fat lady sings!!!!! Can’t wait for you to make me laugh next Tuesday, oh to be a bug on the wall of your recording studio!!! Blessings, Kim!

    • WOW! Kim Palin I didn’t even get to absorb Marie’s video yet. What a story! What a story?!

      You are a strong woman and I pray that the almighty God who are in heaven continue to move, breathe, and bless you. I pray God pour his Spirit over you and your beautiful Children…

      Stand Tall Kim! Continue to Stand Tall Kim! And THANK you for this story. Thank you!!!!!

  160. Sudden changes that re-invent life are a central theme in my timeline haha.

    I love the wisdom in the video! Exactly Marie, exactly! Here’s my favourite life navigation perspective :

    (Preface: the below only applies to AFTER a major change has occurred where you’re away from that demeaning job, abusive partner, or any other harmful situation. Get out of bad situations immediately, and then process.)


    Give up. Stop fighting. Fall apart and chillax. Get cozy in today, or this particular minute. Stretch a bit. Explore the neighborhood. Put on fuzzy socks and do a quick skate around your smoothest floors. Say hello to someone randomly. Make eye contact with people and in your inner dialogue say, “Hi you” and allow a feeling of familiarity to appear from inside them outward to you.

    Return to innocence and play. Remember being adorable? Remember being silly? Remember not planning every day? Be random at times. Smudge a face on your peanut butter toast with your finger and lick it clean while grinning at your delightful absurdity.

    You are life, which is constantly giving or it ceases to exist. Life asks that you breathe in grattitude so that you experience oneness with it. This connection, once kept in awareness more than not, assures that you’ll be paying attention and able to receive all that life is continuously trying to give you. There are no coincidences.

    Miracles only happen when you notice them. You won’t notice them if you first won’t look for them. You won’t look for them if you keep trying to create them as if they weren’t already here! Give up trying, breathe and just pay attention: life is the miracle, and it already surrounds you.

    You’re allowed to get scared, mourn, experience loss and everything else, but those are all daily superficial things you can have mid-change/collapse or not. Feelings that are connected to sudden reactions are not your true self (the soul cannot be harmed — but your brain and body can, and these things you have, not are). Go ahead and freak out. It means nothing fundamental except that you’re human. When you catch your breath and put the ice cream and kleenex down, reach into your depths and notice how the core self nods with a grin beneath all that, “oh yes…I got this yo…immortal ninja says so.”


    Eventually, once recharged through your connectedness and renewed faith in life, you will find yourself absolutely ravenous to achieve, and achieve you will. Before you can GSD (get shit done) in a conscious and drama-free way, you first had to GYST (get your shit together), which is what all of the above is for, and why I saved this for last. =D


    Notice how the first step is much longer and detailed while the second is a “yeah whatever” ? That’s because in the aftermath of great change, who has to change next is YOU, and change doesn’t require that you DO something different. It requires that you BE someone different: grown, renewed. DOing is so effortless once there is a changed BEing at the helm.

    ===RINSE REPEAT===

    We don’t always get this process right. It takes practice. We sometimes miss opportunities. We jump into doing things too soon as we mistakingly try to “be strong” for too long instead of having the courage to be weak and cry and breathe. This is most easily observed by patterns in life repeating, as it tries again to wake us up to what it was trying to in the previous loop. Embrace this and just keep going. Replays give us additional depth, understanding and meaning. They are gifts that helps us get the most out of life; getting us to listen to a whole album that we won’t get to until we first stop listening to that single song on repeat.

  161. Marie your energy is contagious on the positive tip. I must say that I agree with everything you said but would like to add one more thing if I could and that is SELF-CARE. I work with a lot of people that have suffered from loss and are experiencing grief and one of the main things I encourage them to do is to take care of themselves in the smallest and the biggest ways. Some examples may be treating yourself to a little chocolate, getting a magazine you have always wanted to read, treat yourself to a good book, a spa treatment or massage or simply quite time meditating, listening to music. Self care at a time when someone is facing life altering moments can be essential.

  162. I just posted the following blogpost yesterday about fear of the future.

    Overwhelmed and A Bit Depressed
    May 21, 2013 by Chrissy
    I am in the midst of the 5th crash in the last 5 months. Each one lasting over two weeks. I am finding myself afraid of what the future holds. I know that what I focus on expands and intend to focus on the positive. It is posing a challenge as there is so much that I need to do and I am fearing another crash. I say that I trust God, but my fear suggests otherwise.

    I feel like I am healing overall. Though, it is so difficult not knowing when the next crash will happen or how many more there will be. Every time I seem to gain positive momentum in my business and/or life in general I get thrown off due to the complete lethargy and exhaustion I feel during a crash. It is very similar to the flu. Imagine having the flu 5 times in the last 5 months with each one lasting 2 and 1/2 weeks.

    Sometimes, when I am feeling the lowest, I wonder if the fight is worth it. I just can’t imagine that God would give me the drive that I have been given only to allow an illness to take it all away.

    I have lived my entire life being afraid of the future due to the experiences of the past. I keep praying to God that I be freed from the prison that exists in my mind. It is my own private hell. It is my own fault that I continue to allow myself to stay in the hurt that the multiple traumas have caused. I know in my heart that there is a lesson in all of this. I pray that I learn the lesson soon as I am not sure how much more of this hell I can endure.

    Perspective is key and I am having a hard time locating the one that is not self-defeating. I am not sure if it is the exhaustion, the hormonal imbalance, or a possible chemical imbalance in my brain that is causing this bout of overwhelm and depression. Whatever it is, I pray it passes quickly. In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to focus on the positive, live in gratitude, and take good care of myself.

    There is a part of me that wants to completely dismiss the feelings that I am having as #1 I have been through much worse and survived #2 there are many people in the world with problems that pose literal threats and not just a prison in their minds. I know that dismissing my feelings does not serve me. Dismissing my feelings would be a kind of “sweeping it under the rug” and it would manifest itself in other ways, most likely further health issues and/or a deeper depression. Also, it creates guilt, which is self-defeating in and of itself.

    I am hoping that by sharing my experience that others that are feeling overwhelmed and/or depressed, for whatever reason, know that they are not alone. As I have mentioned many times, I have experienced the most healing from hearing others’ stories. Plus, if I only shared in the good times it would not be a true representation of my journey to wellness. When I decided to share my journey, I committed to it; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Today, after reading, reflecting, counseling, journaling, and taking good care of myself by eating well, taking my supps, and sleeping well, I have been able to regain the clarity that I know is necessary to grow through this situation. It isn’t easy.

    I have found that filling my “toolbox” with the right “go-to’s” is the absolute best thing that I have ever done for myself. There will likely be another circumstance that I am not happy about. By keeping my “toolbox” full of books to read, video’s to watch, people to call, etc., that help bring me back to the present, I will find my way back to clarity in a much shorter timeframe and without causing unnecessary damage.

    • Sungirl111

      Your post really moved me Chrissy, as I saw so much of what I experienced last year in it. It was a year frought with major transitions, stresses and losses. I feel virtually incapacited soon after, and wondered if I’d ever get my energy and mojo back. Some days it was a struggle just to move to the couch from the bedroom! The physical symptoms were so pronounced and present, that I too, wondered about hormonal imbalances. I seemed to be exhibiting many symptoms akin to Fibromyalgia, a condition I knew little about. It was truly frustrating as I wanted to move forward and be free. I’m happy to say that I am now!

      Here’s what I learned: When stressful life circumstances happen continuously in one’s life, even if they start in childhood, this does indeed have an impact on the brain, and certainly on the individual holistically. There are excellent books on this (When the Body Says No: Gabor Mate, Mind Over Medicine: Lissa Rankin, The Power of Radical Acceptance: Tara Burch) that can explain it far better than I can here. There is also an excellent vid with Gaia and the Mayo Clinic about Fibromyalgia (whether you have the symptoms or not, it combines valuable information, practices, a ‘stress-buster booklet’ and light yoga, so is really helpful). I know what you mean by wanting to ‘dismiss’ the way you feel, but your feelings are a guage to the your total health and well-being, sort of like sign posts. It’s okay to feel them. I learned that when I tried to negate or invalidate my experience (in fact, resist it), I would experience it even MORE (tricky thing, that!).
      The ultimate less I learned was to practice patience, meditation, and recalling other times in life when I had risen from difficult challenges. This is a time when our total beings are calling – actually DEMANDING, that we ‘self-nurture’ and rest, something many of us don’t know how to do, although we’re experts at nurturing others.
      I used to get frustrated with others saying ‘This too shall pass’, of course it will, but it seemed trite and ineffective at a time when I felt most heavy and in despair. Patience with this vascillating process is your greatest ally, as is complete and utter self-support, never judge your feelings nor your progress, you need you right now!
      One of the greatest gifts you will see when you re-emerge with your butterly wings, is a deep compassion and empathy for those who also struggle, it’s the greatest gift to come out of the dark. I wish you godspeed in this. x Leslie

      • Thank you, “Sungirl111”. It has truly been a journey. Your words about having a deep compassion and empathy for others that struggle is so incredibly true! It has been one of the many blessings that I have experienced in this healing process. Another, is to live in the present. It has never been my strength, until now. 🙂 I am really thankful for the many relationships that have deepened and those that are new that I have made through this process. It is amazing to me that people that I do not even know the names of can send me love and healing with their words and sharing of their stories. Thanks again for sharing yours with me.

      • I just noticed your name tucked into the end of your message. Thank you, Leslie!

  163. Julie

    Thank you SO much Marie. I SO needed this right now. Feeling totally re-inspired to continue sharing my passion with the world.

  164. Tanya

    Perfect timing as always Marie 🙂

    Many big changes in the last year and many moments of reminding myself to be here and now, to take a breath and just do what is in front of me right now when the self-doubt creeps in. As I’m a long way from close friends and family after starting a completely new life in a new place, I’m really appreciating my online relationships, especially long video-chats across the miles. That and a little yoga whenever possible to keep me sane.

    I don’t watch your videos so regularly any more but when I really need a kick up the backside and some guaranteed inspiration I know where to turn – the timing is always uncanny, the content is always spot-on for what is going on right now.

    Thank you and get well soon! Totally admire your ability to just get on with it when you’re under the weather too…

    Much love to everyone

  165. This is such an important subject. When you are going through major trauma it is very easy to believe that you are on your own, everybody else can seem to be doing better. It seems to be the human condition to feel fear and negativity even when things are actually not that bad. For me the comfort and motivation come from friends and family, I look around and remind myself how many good things there are in my life.

  166. moni

    Excellent video Marie, agree with everything. Watching this video, i just came to realization that i tend to analyze things too much and stay in a self pity party too long. Step3 should be the easiest one, but it’s the hardest one for me. And that’s is what i am focusing on right now ‘is my heart beating? and am i breathing?
    thank you Marie again for the magic formula how to get back to a sanity.)

  167. Wow so many comments from people on this one. Of course I felt like you were talking to me, Marie! Great advice and relevant to me too, but i have a QUESTION too. How do you combine being present and living in the moment with setting goals for achievement in the future? There must be a balance….we only have the now, but its smart to save money for the future and work towards the experiences you want to have otherwise you never make progress. Change inevitably happens to you but you don’t direct it in any way.

    My partner is a live in the moment and be happy kind a guy. I’m a former event manager and high achiever. I’ve adapted to living in the moment with him and am worried that it is at the cost of achieving much of what I want to have and experience in life. But we are very happy in the moment 🙂

  168. Mi

    Thank you for a very inspiring video.I have always been a person very interested in developing my spiritual side ,even form a young age.Recently after a very hard time where I felt I had no where to turn I turned to my spirituality once again and asked my guardian angel to help me.Sure enough- my angel responded! Turn to your spirituality when you need to and you will receive what you need.Although family and friends can be wonderful-they are human also and can sometimes let you down.

  169. Karen

    Love you girl…you are amazing Marie..I love your ability to make me laugh and inspire me at the same time..wishing you all the very best hugs Karen

  170. jan timms

    Good Morning – thank you so much once again for the support and reminder to keep on keeping on whilst being present. This year in January feb and March I got eczema, went away and now its back so I really can digest the support. So the good food and exercise tip recommendation is invaluable to set our priorities straight and start to move forward from a perfect and idea point. Adequate nutritian and exercise are the stuffs thats going to make us glow and carry is through. Any one can do good food and it doesn’t need to be expensive. Nuts (not salted) beans and pulses cooked with herbs and/or a good stock is one of the most nutritious meals we can have and the cheapest.! So with the eczema I ‘ve introduced Marigold flower tea first thing in the morning…….. and have my lovely coffee in a bowl afterwards. To support your diet go to the apothecary where you can get any healing herbs which are a million times better than pharmacuiticals, which i can’t spell. I had to google ‘day quil’ which is like day nurse I guess. So that medicine is ok for a quick hit – feel better fix that is temporary, but Marie get yourself down to the apothecary and get some erb for that cold.! Have a great day and thanks again love ya, jan x

  171. “is-ness is my business” – love that! Even when things don’t get really bad, it’s so easy to fall back into those negative thinking cycles! Thanks to Marie and thanks to everyone for sharing your stories!

  172. After a really bad break up with a long time boyfriend and putting an end to an emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago I felt completly lost. Having just abandoned my long time dream carreer and having no believe that i’d ever find love i walked amlessly trough the days.
    One day at a time got me trough I just kept moving until finaly i was ready to live again.

  173. Ayesha

    I’m currently exactly like Vanessa right now. I’ve been unemployed for the past 2 years, straight after graduation, experiencing tense relationship with my family, lost my friends and doing an extremely hard long-distance relationship. I’ve reached a point where I currently living just by the day, not knowing where I stand. No matter how hard you try, you remain stuck in the same place. I’ve stopped fighting the wave but let myself go with with it but try as much as I can to stick my head above water. It would be sad to drown, I think.

  174. When I was going through my “yuck” at first I wouldn’t allow myself to admit how I was feeling – I viewed not just pummeling through to the next stage of life would be weak. How silly! When I FINALLY said, “All that really matters is if I’m keeping right priorities: God, then family, then others” When I started aligning my words and actions I started to get involved with volunteering, I sucked up my pride and took a job outside the area I’m passionate about, and I started being really honest about my story. I found those things helped me to look outside of myself, to realize that everyone has a story and is fighting a battle, and that if I chose to use my time in a metaphorical desert wisely then I could come out the other side being a better version of myself. It’s been a process, but once I stopped embracing that pain you mentioned then I was able to be a useful human again, and now I’m a more confident, less arrogant, more empathetic person because of my experiences. I wouldn’t change my past because, looking back, the path I was on was leading me to be a selfish person. I would’ve missed out on so many experiences and discovering new passions….now I’ve got 3 main goals I’m working toward, and I’m energized and thankful for the opportunity to be able to do so. My potential for failure is greater now, but I have peace because I’m thankful for the opportunity to fail (but succeeding would be ideal!) vs. being ashamed by things that don’t go my way or by having humbling experiences.

  175. Dear Marie,
    Great video and one that I’m going to forward to my mailing list! I run a recovery site for women getting over divorce called and I know that the women who are suffering from the unwanted end of a relationship will really relish your wise words!

    Here’s how I frame one of your gems: “Do the next thing!” Don’t think of all the overwhelming yucky things you have to do during the day – just do the next thing and the rest will take care of themselves.

  176. Hello Marie,

    It’s amazing how you always look good and cheery even when you’re sick! 🙂

    This video pretty much translates a feeling I’m having for a long time now. I know the words, but it’s so hard to put them into practice. However it feels good to know that I’m not alone (well, you know what I mean).

    Thank you for the faith you keep having in people and the constant encouragements while we have lost all that ourselves.

    Have a great day!
    Sigrid – all the way from Brussels 🙂

  177. CHAKRA CLEANSE!!! No matter what happens, even if you feel down in the dumps, Chakra cleansing will bring light to the situation. Hope you’re feeling better Marie. Thanks for still doing this video even though you are sick. You are amazing.

  178. Thank you Marie! A great one and such a good reminder of the four steps! It is really easy to forget to live in the now and only thinking about the past or the future and you so easily forget that everything is actually really good right now!:)) So thank you for this one! Loved it! Have an awesome day and suit up!hihi…

  179. When a boyfriend and I broke up, while I was still head-over-heals in love with him I felt so lost, confused and devastated. The things that helped me work through it was:
    When the thoughts and feelings that followed were unbearable I would leave my house (or work) immediately and go or a walk. Just keep walking and walking. It made it easier to be with what was going on and actually be able to hear some of the answers from my higher self
    Yoga! I would go to as many yogaclasses as possible: I always felt better in my body afterwards and could use the philosophy to help me be with and work through the issues that we’re going on inside me.
    I started to meditate – the best thing I ever did for myself, because the space inside, it helps me connect with is always there, I just have to sit down and listen.
    I activelly seeked people who would just shut up and listen instead of giving advice. This helped also helped me to be with the feelings inside I was so afraid of …
    And only doing what I felt like doing aka not pressuring myself into things (I used to be very hard on myself and always pressure myself to the limit) enough with this – self love, self love, self love, give yourself plenty of hugs and kissed,
    And journal …
    You will collect the lessons – and the lessons I’ve collected I am so gratefull fore – before life was a struggle – it’s not anymore, now it’s a flow with everything …
    Love Annette, Copenhagen

  180. I heard a good saying at church last week: “you can’t have a testimony without first being tested.”

  181. This video is awesome. I would love to watch it every morning as a little pep talk.
    My girlfriends and the gym are what help to keep me going with the going gets tough.
    Plus listening to good music.
    Take care and glad you are feeling better Marie.

  182. Fiona

    thank you for this. I just quit my full time job because the chemicals and stress I am exposed to there are not good for me in my current state of being 3 months pregnant. I am so happy to be having my first baby, it is a dream come true AND I am anxious about some of the financial (money crunch and not wanting to work long hours right now) and social insecurity (judgement from partner/family members) that comes with figuring out a plan that reflects what my baby and I need. I know I will find a way of making ends meet and having a healthy and conscious pregnancy, but I am still scared because I don’t know how yet. In the meantime the anxiety is taking away from my presence and joy with this little miracle inside me, and I really want to turn that around. I know Marie’s advise today will help. I have a rough concept for an online business, but I don’t know if it really has legs.

  183. Anne Simone

    Hahaha! I love your sense of humor, and this is JUST what I needed today. I am heartbroken, and decided to accept my pain for one day. And I also decided to treat myself wtih things that might make me more happy. Like my favorite fresh home made juice, yoga and this video!!! 😀

  184. Such incredible powerful stories. I know I would not be in the life I love so much right now if my husband of 24 years hadn’t left me, over 12 years ago. I was not only devastated at the time, at 47 yrs old, an 11 yr old and 13 yr old, to care for and having to start a new life. We had worked together all those years so I lost my job as well as my house and my husband, AND I was beaten down by an abusive relationship as he was a drug addict for the last 12 yrs of our 24 year marriage. Why didn’t I leave sooner, I can’t beat myself up over that, in the end it worked out.
    so, I called on my girtlfriends, every day, to help me get through the day. I worked out at the gym, I took acupuncture and herbal tinctures for my nerves, I ate well, took long walks and eventually found a job and then went on to start my own business. The good thing was all the self care helped me sail through menopause! And I have a wonderful man, a business I love and you gals to hang with and share stories. Love you all.

  185. Christine

    Marie, great simple present practices.
    For myself and I am “starting over”, there has been a awareness of what I want to bring along with me and what does not offer me support. If I am in a place of “critical thinking” I really sit with it and work on finding out why and what it is offering me. When I see that I am so much more than a situation, a condition, even an emotion, then I can support myself and ask for support. I have also created this mantra for myself when wandering comes into play ” One day, one hour, one minute, one second, I’m back.” the last bit taken from Josh Pais.
    It helps me to refocus feel my feet on the ground and see what’s next. It truly is a practice of doing one thing at a time.

  186. I love this video, Marie! I have felt lost many times and what I’ve learned (of course through trial-and-error) is that always returning to a few good solid self-care practices, I can get through. This usually involves eating really well, getting moving, and often journaling. I love to journal during the tough times, because not only does it allow me to vent of my current feelings, but then I can look back later and realize that I made it through in one piece. It really is helpful.

  187. I have had many things happen that shatter my world and I build it up again every time with the help of friends and family and a fantastic thing called a pedicure: Thank you, Texas!

    I heard that going to a counselor works for some, but for me that is a bunch of bunk. I don’t believe in wallowing in my past unless there is a direct positive result that I see coming out of it – today & now. My first real pedicure happened in Texas, home of personal self maintenance for women who KNOW how to be strong and always look feminine while kicking butt. They massage you, listen to you but rarely talk much, and then they put LED sad light things (cures depression in some people) on the feet to dry the polish. If anyone is feeling sad sack, you must go and get a pedicure. It beats the heck out of, “and how do you feel about that hrmaw ?” p.s. Ixnai on the trendy bowls for tiny feet, go for the massage chair and the warm, roomy foot pool.

  188. You girl rock as always!!, thanks for make my day and make me laugh. I dance, and last week I was thinking about how much dancing helps me to be focuse on the present not just for the coreographies but in my life, and now it’s funny to watch this topic on the video, it’s very reassuring!!


  189. Hi Marie,

    I LOVED this video! In my experience, believing that there is a lesson in every situation, no matter how challenging, gets those positive vibes flowing and helps put things in perspective.

    In saying that, I have so much to be grateful for in my life and feel very blessed. I’m continually amazed by how resilient and heroic people can be in the most devastating of circumstances. We are far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.

    Emma x

  190. Hello Vanessa,

    You will survive! I’m listening to Gloria Gaynor’s song I will survive as I write this message. My father not only walked out on my mother but also left his 5 young children. I was 11 years old and still remember my mom taking me to the mall to buy the “single” hit I WILL SURVIVE. We listened to that song every day and I will never forget the feeling I had as a young girl watching the pain my mother suffered from that loss. I never wanted to feel that sting.

    I am in the loss “club” – a circle of people who have suffered loss whether from a death, addiction, divorce, financial stress and guess what – YOU WILL SURVIVE. I did and I’ve been through it all! Single at 32, married with children by 35. I felt all the things you are feeling right now.
    My finance and I broke up
    I married my personal trainer and his 8 month old son
    We had a baby girl named her Wynter Rose – she was conceived in a NYC blizzard, my husband missed the delivery of our first baby by passing out in the delivery room and ending up in COMA, yes a coma. 9 hours later Wynter was born with my mom, sisters, best friend and in laws including my father in law as support. My hubby made a full recovery but spent the first 3 weeks of his daughters life in the ICU unit.
    We sold our dream home
    Moved to the burbs
    Our rental home was burglarized, no I didn’t have renters insurance and EVERYTHING I worked for was gone. Everything! They didn’t take the sign that says “the most important things in life aren’t things”
    Shall I go on????
    My girlfriend and her husband were killed in a traffic accident leaving two young children one was named after me
    8 months later one of their guardians was killed, he was a police officer killed by an armed robber leaving not only his two children he just adopted but three daughters and a wife of his own
    My dear girlfriends dad passed away from cancer, he was the dad I didn’t have
    My next door neighbor died suddenly, he lived a long life but still
    My daughters preschool teacher died from cancer
    My BFF’s father in law passed driving home from his last day of work before retirement
    My friends 6 month old baby died
    Then my worst nightmare, my beloved mother diagnosed with cancer. She lived only 3 months from the day we found out. Life as I knew it was over….
    Some of my secrets to dealing with unbearable pain.
    Super Soul Sunday – On own network
    Cheryl Strayed book – Wild. I had the chance to meet Cheryl in person on my birthday this year. I had to ask her this question, was I still a daughter??? It still haunts me.
    Maya Angelo books
    Play the song I will survive daily, I still do.
    Live, love, laugh and be happy Vanessa.
    Check out my Pinterest and Facebook page for Jottibles, my project that I have stared after all of this pain. Something good is defiantly going to come out of all of this loss.

  191. Debi

    Marie, so timely. My husband came to me 12 months ago saying he was unhappy and wanted out of our marriage. To cut a long story short, 2 months later I asked him to leave. Lies, betrayal and layers of bu”#?sh”!
    I felt lost, alone and in a spin. But I had 3 kids who needed me so I got myself a job 9 am – 3pm four days a week. Perfect! My sense of purpose and self improved. I distanced myself for those few that thought I was crazy to ask my ex to leave and surrounded myself by those who supported my decision. Bonus! Then 2 months ago I was offered an amazing job, a Directorship and haven’t looked back since. From a stay-at-home mum who worked around her husbands sporadic work schedule doing bits and pieces I’m now flying on my own. Moved out of the old family home. Tick. Settled the kids into a proper routine. Tick. Deliberately stayed away from a relationship so I can refocus on me. Tick. If someone had told me 12 months ago this is what my life would look like I would’ve laughed at them. By being authentic and true to me and my kids, I’ve come through a bigger and better person than I ever thought. The extra bonus is that my daily posts on Instagram showing me moving forward every day have become popular with a publisher and may be printed into a book. Yeehah! Oh…and the ex….still going around in circles.

  192. This past year my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal lung cancer at age 30 (caused from radiation to his chest from his first battle with cancer when he was 18). We have been married 5 years and have a beautiful two year old baby girl. My goal each day is to remain in the present moment and cherish every minute we have together. I also started a blog to share our story in hopes of encouraging other’s going through difficult times. It has been healing for me to write and share our journey. I’ve found purpose and meaning in helping others to keep the faith and hope throughout life’s challenges. Lastly, I’ve chosen to believe that everything happens for a reason. These things have helped me stay positive during hard times. Blessings!

  193. Rachel

    I found this channel on youtube recently. I have been dealing with so many difficult things in my life. I am trying to get myself back on track. I am stuck in a rut now. I don’t have the support that I need. What can I do to push myself and get everything done. I have lost my father a few years ago. He was killed and I can’t move past it. It’s so difficult to focus on positive things. I really want to move along and get myself together. Any advice or tips would be helpful. Thank you

    • Hi Rachel,
      Thanks for being so real and honest. A book that I recently read that is really helping me through a difficult season is “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. If you have a long commute to work or spend a lot of time in the car I would recommend listening to the audio version. Hope it helps you as much as it helped me. Blessings.

      • Rachel

        Thank you so much Bailey for answering. I am going to check out Byron Katie’s book. I am on barnes and nobles website now. I will pick up the audio version. I wish you all the best and thank you so much. Have a nice week

        • My pleasure Rachel! Hope you like it 🙂 Blessings.

          • Rachel

            Thank you again Bailey for recommending this book to me. I have learned so much already. I am slowly getting back to the old me. Take care

  194. Indira

    I loved this video! I like every video with Marie Forleo! Marie is fantastic!!! I like her very much///

  195. As always, great advice!
    I’ve found recently that the most important thing for me to do is stay out of pittyland. Too many pitty party’s, feeling like a victim is a sure way to spiralling downwards. Focusing on what I can learn and looking at the good things of that tough situation makes me feel strong and energised again.

  196. Stephanie

    I’m in that place right now, it seems that all my career plans are failing. Like you say, I take it one day at a time and make sure everyday I do something, just to keep the momentum. Otherwise I feel like if I’m slacking one day it’s so hard to get back on track.

  197. Love your videos and the behind the scenes shot – too funny you’re in bare feet;)

    I really liked your comment about how nothing has meaning other than the meaning you give it. That’s a Tweetable!!

  198. MK

    Last year, I was let go from my first full time job. I was completely shattered when this happened. To get myself back on track, I traveled for a few months visiting friends and getting out my house. I also decided to get my Master’s degree which really helped me! I was able to find myself again, find that passion I had for social media work, and I was able to learn so much more throughout the course of year from classes, friends, etc. It really gave me a sense of peace on day when I finally realized, this was all meant to happen. I totally agree with you on that one Marie!! 🙂

  199. I love your simplicity Marie, and agree totally.
    My way to get back on track is simply to meditate every morning for ten minutes.
    As soon as I wake up, I sit, following my breath. That’s it.
    During the day I take 5-minute-moments whenever I feel like it.

    It’s super simple, but really helps to basically “Love what is”.
    Love your work Marie!

  200. I am also one of those who believe that its not important how hard you fall, its how you stand up from that.
    You’re very inspiring, especially for us who had to learn the positive side of thinking from our own mistakes.

  201. Ben

    What a great reminder! Allow the pain to come in, without judgment, just notice the feeling and keep breathing. It passes, and passes and passes and passes, eventually your mind gives up trying to force this ridiculous suffering thought, because you have told it by letting it pass through you, that it doesn’t serve you anymore.

    Meditation and Yoga are keys for me. I have a daily practise of both and my life is changing dramatically. I’m more present, more focused and willing to look and acknowledge what is happening inside of me.

    Thanks for sharing Marie and thanks for keeping it simple! Hope you get better soon.

  202. Elle

    Did I ever feel shattered or lost? Hell yeah!
    What did I do to get back on track? I actually went to a stress counsellor, which helped me realise that what I was going through was quite normal. I was normal and had normal feelings – whew what a relief!
    So once I had realised that, I could start to move forward.
    Marie is right, don’t dwell on the bad stuff. Thinking about bad things brings you down mentally and achieves absolutely nothing. Of course you will think about the bad stuff, just don’t do it all day.
    Marie is also right in that you take one day at a time. I get frustrated when I’m not progressing as fast as I want, even if I don’t know what I want! I had to learn to just wait and take things as they come. I had no idea how to move forward and it was frustrating me, so I had to learn to wait and see what unfolded. It was hard but I did it and in time things started to move forward.
    Marie is also right in that you should look after yourself physically. Just because your head is a mess doesn’t mean your body has to go downhill too. Of course you may spend a couple of days in bed at first, but then you need to get up, wash and dress and go out, get some good food and exercise. It makes you feel better if nothing else! It also help to prepare you for when you ARE ready to go forward again.

  203. Loved this video! Like Vanessa, I am going through my own collapsed relationship and it IS tough to keep it together every day. One thing I would add that has really helped me: get more sleep!!! Like, extra…more than usual. And don’t feel guilty about it. Snuggle down into those covers and hit snooze.

  204. I was really involved in my dance studio several years ago. All of my social life, all my hobbies, everything was tied up in the studio. And when the two instructors split up, it was a huge mess. I lost my friends, my studio, and my self confidence.

    I put up walls to keep people out, started a new job, and eventually became OK with hanging out with my own self. My boyfriend had a lot to do with me coming out of my shell again when we started dating 6 months later.

  205. Thanks for all your wisdom, Marie! You are so right – I agree that every crappy thing that has happened to me in life put me on a path to something better and helped me grow as a person. It is hard to remember that sometimes when we are emotionally down, so keep busy moving forward. Thanks for your great info.

  206. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, and I found out just doing shots of Dayquil really helps. Kidding!

    I was 33 and my fiance broke up with me after five years together. I was in the midst of trying to figure out what to do with my life, working a shitty data entry job and had actually just quit before the breakup but had to *gulp* ask for it back since my fiance was really the provider.

    I was devastated and pretty emotional, so I found just embracing what I was feeling… anger, betrayal, sadness, etc. really helped. BUT, I also went out with my friends.. I went to my job where I was actually promoted.. I moved into an apartment… I took care of my dog. I kept busy. On top of that, my mother broke her hip about a month later, so I was constantly on the road every weekend visiting her and helping her out. I was SO busy that really, I could only think about one day at a time, and that’s how I got through everything.

    Soon after, I found living on my own again liberating, the thought of dating again exciting, and the thought of the possibilities being endless absolutely amazing. A few months later, I fell in love with a friend who was a way better match for me. We are now married, and he’s a wonderful husband and has been a great supporter while I try to figure out my dream of photography and blogging.

    So, I say to Vanessa.. the clouds hanging over your head right now will soon part, and you’ll find yourself living a much more amazing life. <3

  207. First have to say thnx for being awesome…and more!!

    At 57, million dollar home, great life-style, my small company collapsed because of a fraud perp’d by the CEO and CFO. Lost everything, house, income, visa to work in the US, capital & pension (tied up in the company and shares)…and I split with my wife. Landed up returning to the UK, tail between my legs, stone-broke (less than $200) and a 9yr old daughter.

    We survived and I started over. a) I never reflected that I couldn’t, but the pain was in ‘the time it might take’; b) total belief that my daughter and I would always be “OK” (and often a hell of a lot better than just OK); c) I kept telling myself “I can do this” the only question is “how?”

    I do tend to get off on reveling in the past (and the future) so had wonderfully dark moments of sadness and self-doubt, but after a few minutes (max about 15 on the worst days), I just brushed myself off and said to myself “well that was self-indulgent, stop already and do the next task”…there is always a next task 🙂

    I found it easy to parallel what you said into how I figured it out. So thnx…you express it so brilliantly.

    Keep up the fab work, young lady!!! x

    • Laura Ecker

      Thanks Marie, for allowing me this opportunity to share. I have been working so hard to try to start my organizing business the past six months. My husband is in very poor emotional and physical health. Working outside my home, doing anything that requires keeping appointments is impossible because one day he can feel great and in an hour a health crisis occurs. I am rethinking my business plan of professional organizing and trying to listen to my inner voice to find the right path. I need to have an outlet for my business creativity. I would love to connect with some other people who despite major obstacles are optimistic about success and absolutely refuse to quit pursuing their dreams.

  208. I think that those moments of being down help us stop and reorganize ourselves. Have I had those moments? Duh, yeahhh! From a divorce at 25, postpartum depression, business not performing like I expected in the beginning…I could go on. But I harken back on those days and realize how far I have come, only by the grace of God.


  209. Clare

    Thanks Marie…loved this video! Spoke right to what it means to go through something huge and heartbreaking in your typical upbeat style. Its been 18 months since my husband unexpectedly upped and left leaving me completely devastated and not knowing where to turn. You have just summed up in five minutes what it has taken me at least that long to figure out! I think it’s important to remember that its a process and that takes time which means you need to be easy on yourself. For ages, I made things worse, by thinking I had to just ‘get over it’ which meant I wasn’t really addressing the issues at all, just running away. This made me really lost and depressed and panicky. I now meditate every day, have completely changed my approach to life via some amazing teachers (including you!) and things are definitely looking up 🙂 If someone, had told me it could be like this a year and a half ago I definitely would not have believed them. Keeping an open mind to learning new ways of being seems to have been the key for me. Love all the brave and amazing comments here. This space is awesome!

    • Hi Clare

      Have been through a marriage break up too and like yourself meditation has become a very important tool in my life. We are so lucky to have found the new ways of thinking and being 🙂

      In a strange way I feel blessed that my life was turned upsidedown and insideout.

      I love your insight to know what people are good for you. It took me a while to figure that one out.


      • Clare

        I too feel blessed now…but it took a while to get there! Glad you have turned it around too 🙂

  210. Molly

    Marie! Thank you for this!!

    I went through an incredibly traumatic experience when I first opened my first business back in 08. It took a while to feel like I fully recovered, but I managed to pull myself out of the worst time in my life. I went through an amazing process of learning how to truly be present, and learning what that even means. One thing I learned through my experience that you explained so beautifully was how to allow myself to FEEL the pain I was feeling and not resist it. The resistance only makes the pain stronger and causes it to eat away at other areas of your life. And if you are able to resist it to the point of burrying it away, it is inevitable that it will resurface at some point. I gave myself a daily task of finding ways to deal with my pain. I guess you could say I healed with intention 🙂 I learned to meditate, I studied how to truly benefit from yoga, I read some amazing books, all of my mental energy went toward learning how to heal and accept rather than focusing on the “why” and the “what if”. We really do have so much control over our own thoughts, it just takes some practice! BTW the book ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle is an incredible book that teaches you how to deal with emotional pain!!

    But something else I learned, which I think is KEY, is you have to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling while you are going through a difficult time. Turning to family and friends for support is SO important, but if you allow them to tell you how you should be feeling, rather than allow your own feelings to process naturally, the healing process will be so much more difficult. I just remember being so drawn to my friends and family who allowed me to just BE while I was around them. And I really pulled away from my friends and family who kept trying to tell me what I should do and how I should feel. It’s important to make sure you are surrounding yourself with the right kind of support. Just because someone else went through a similar situation does not mean that what you are experiencing on an emotional level is the same.

    You have to let your own instincts guide you. Especially as women. Our intuition is SO powerful if we learn to pay attention to it!

  211. When I don’t feel like trying/working any more I think on my “whys.” Why did I start this? Why did I want to do it? What motivated me to start? I still have lots of dreams and sometimes I need to pull them back front and center.

    Also, I loved that the camera pulled back and showed us the unfinished set. I know this probably sounds crazy, but it made me feel encouraged. So thanks!

  212. OMG Marie, great tips! The one that I really use is “take it one day at a time.” Sometimes it’s “just this hour”, or “just this moment.”

    My whole life fell apart a few years back. First my health had been declining for like 15 years, and no matter what I did, couldn’t seem to get on top of it. Finally found out in 2008 I had a pituitary brain tumor. Had surgery (ouch!), kept my company running, recovered. Hard but learned a lot.

    Then it came back. Another brain tumor. Whoopie!!! In 2011, had surgery again, and this time went into a coma for a while, almost died. Still kept the company running. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, the tumor caused a tremendous weight gain (250+ lbs) and the inflammation all those years ate my joints. Follow that up with a chaser of 20+ blood clots flowing into my lungs all at once (90% fatality rate), and the final loss of my business, my professional identity, ALL my savings, all three of my dogs…. Also had two NDE’s (it was good to see grandma and grandpa again, even in spirit form!). Well, I do think I get the efffin’ prize for a shitty time in life, or at least one of them.

    But it’s soooooooo true. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m a better person, wiser, more patient, more open. I have courage. I have hope in the face of crap odds. I have the will and the desire to LIVE, and to LIVE BIG! (Not my body big, that I am working on making a healthy weight again). I cleaned out (with help of friends and a medical aide) my closet, book shelves, got rid of furniture, certain acquaintances, a pile of commitments and obligations. Anything that didn’t bring me joy or had a negative memory attached, went. I have relinquished my old identity as a successful PR consultant in entertainment and new media. Cleared the decks. New, blank page.

    Now I get to: Listen. Feel. Create anew. Explore. Rest. Get my Girl Scout badge in knot tying (hehehe I’m 54 but I really am learning how to tie knots!). Find out who I ‘really’ am without all that old identity and baggage. How many people get that chance in life to totally redefine themselves? To re-invent themselves? It’s an incredible, amazing new journey, and none of it would have ever happened without the brain tumors and embolisms.

    I feel the feelings, let them pass through me. I do what there is to do, today. I don’t get ahead of myself. I hold my close people close, keeping love present. I am loving on my body now. Still using O2 and the walker, I lavish on the body lotion. Dress up. Put on make-up. Sit and gaze at the garden. Cry when I need to, then blow my nose and do the next thing.

    People have had far, far worse things happen than what’s happened in my life, although I do think I got a basketful. A basketful, because I was and am up for the challenge, and the change that comes with it.

    To your person who wrote in the question, maybe the gift of this break-up will be that you find your own personal power, or you learn that your joy comes from inside, and not from another person. You too will get through this, a finer, wiser woman for it.

    Marie girlfriend, you nailed it, great advice…. maybe you should keep that Dayquil bottle at your elbow more often! 😉

    • Karen I LOVE your positivity and your story. I love the changes you have made in your life, that is absolutely FANTASTIC. Its how we should all live all the time.

      I read this quote on Twitter yesterday, I think you’ll like it ;
      ‘The little things? The little ‘moments’? They aren’t little. (Jon Kabatt Zinn)

      Take care, you are an inspiration XX

      • Rebecca, thank you sooooo much for that quote. So true! Each moment is a moment on our journey through life. Thank you for helping me to remember to cherish each and every one of those moments! Xoxox

  213. Marie this video is literally a lifesaver for some people because we are just not taught some very simple tools for getting through hard times in a positive way. This kind of thing should be covered in school!

    I went through a marriage breakup 3 1/2 years ago. I was devastated and lost all my confidence, my dreams of our future together were shattered and the worst thing was I felt that I had failed my children. It broke my heart that they had to experience this and I I found it so hard knowing that I wasn’t able to find a way to fix things for them and give them a traditional home with their parents who love eachother at the centre of it.

    I feel very lucky that I happen to have developed a positive way of looking at things and it only really happened by chance. Without guidance many fall into a negative trap and aren’t aware of the tools to help themselves. The things I found most helpful were to remain open to my friends, to stay in the moment (ie breath, put one foot in front of the other, to make 3 meals a day), to keep in mind that no matter how low I felt that it was not a permanent state and that it would change, to get exercise (just leave the house and walk away from it for 15 minutes, then turn and walk home again = half hour dose of happy endorphins).

    More proactive things I did were to take myself on a date with myself, just me, once a week (eg visit a new cafe, go to the library, have a sauna – just little things that I didn’t normally do).

    I wriot a letter to me in the present from the me in 10 years time telling me to keep faith and what great things life holds in my future and encouraging me … I posted it to myself! Thats a powerful tool 🙂

    I listened to 10 minutes of guided meditation every day, you’ll find many free on youtube.

    I kept a mental note of something to be grateful for every day … could be as simple as a flower I saw growing, my health, sunshine.

    I sought supportive treatment, for me that was some counselling and hands on Shiatsu therapy.

    All of these things helped to get me through a very challenging year or two but since then I have retrained myself as a Shiatsu therapist and I’m very happy in a new relationship. I was blessed to be a stay at home Mum for 10 years and now I’m loving building my new business.

    I find that some of my clients are in the same position as I was a few years ago, so I can empathise with them. But i’m also excited for them because out of a devastating breakup I feel I have found huge positivity, a new way of thinking and massive leaps forward in my spiritual maturity. It might sound bizarre but I am grateful for the total chaos and emotional upheaval that destroyed my old world.

    Even my children have said that they are sad their Dad and I broke up but that if it hadn’t happend then they wouldn’t have a new baby brother that they love to bits (with their Dad and his new partner), they wouldn’t know and love the two girls that are my new partners children. I’m very proud that they can acknowlege the loss and pain of the break up but at the same time they themselves are seeing positive outcomes. They are happy. They have 2 loving homes to go between now.

    When they are not with me I focus on building my Shiatsu clinic so that I can offer other people the support I found invaluable through Shiatsu when I was in pain.

    Keep on going, keep finding even the smallest things to be grateful for and keep knowing and believing in your heart that things will get better, are getting better, much better.

    🙂 xx Rebecca

  214. Nikko

    A lot of memories from me being molested as a child started to raise its challenge. I was shaking and began having convulsions. My doctor treated me and said I had PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). My family wanted me to apologize and deny everything as a mental breakdown. My therapist told me that this experience would shake the foundations of many relationships. I began writing. It was as if God was looking over my shoulders commanding me to share my gifts, which by the way was totally blocked by this (as my friend Raquis used to say, “raincloud over my head”). I began to get more into God and not focus on the drowsy medications and the outright denials. The angels are all around us helping us as we are being led to our unique calling.

    • Only if we choose to listen, express, or release. Thanks for sharing this, I’ve been through something similar but received no hope, just questions from the police when I was little and things continued as if nothing happened but because no one explained things to me about right and wrong, it affected my entire life and how I made decisions. But my life lead to God also, and it’s definitely peacefully. So I agree – I couldn’t have gotten the same kind of help anyways. Stay beautiful!

  215. A feeling of helplessness sometimes seems overwhelming, but just for a little while. It is so true that to break the cycle we must look outside of ourselves and contribute to the world around us. Gratitude, caring and a dauntless attitude make this much easier. Thanks for you kind thoughts.

  216. This is so very ironic that you came out with this video Marie!
    I have been dating a friend I had been close with for 6 years. We’ve been together for almost 2 now but all we have done is fight more and more to the point of seriously questioning our relationship. Through my pursuit of personal growth and answers, I finally decided to write him a letter and say…we need to start over! He took this as a break (the kind that just end up being over) and I told him I think we need to re-learn to be friends and respect each other because we both deserve to be happy! It’s been amazing since and it’s only been a few days! So your tips are definitely relative! Thank You So Much Marie!!!

  217. Nidia

    After recently experiencing a similar experience, I’ve read so many touching stories here and awesome advice. The only one thing I personally learned from my experience was to open myself up to the actual pain. I realized that my brain wanted a logical explanation for everything and I would get angry when I felt I had done everything in my power not to be where I was- victimizing myself to an extent. It wasn’t until I just let go and admitted it hurts and felt the pain and accepted that it sucks to feel pain that I actually was able to move on… And pretty quickly.

    I started feeling true gratitude for everyone in my life that wanted to be there and that I wanted to be there, too. They were awesome people who really cared for me. I became more mission minded and focused on projects centered around others. I became more forgiving of others. I grew spiritually, fundamentally, and more surprisingly in my convictions and values.

    What I have learned and am learning to do is to take it a day at a time as you said Marie. Not just because it can become overwhelming to look at the big picture, but because everyday isn’t a walk in Mary Poppins park. Lol- you have to wake up with a purpose and a decision to make that day count for something bigger than yourself, and your feelings that day. That holds me accountable for getting over myself and putting my emotions into perspective within a bigger scope. When I’m alone, focused on myself, not thinking of my role in the lives of others and how I help others, then it’s a slippery slope downward into my own thoughts of helplessness, sadness, etc.

    I’m grateful for my experiences. As difficult and foggy as it may seem now, it will be cleared up eventually as to why life worked out this way. In the meantime, I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to open my eyes to the love around me- true love around me- and to show them my gratitude. I have the opportunity to grow these relationships, which I didn’t even recognize before.

    Silver linings are there when you look for them and when you fall off the path, just get back on. It’s a decision to do it everyday, every hour, every moment to make it count for you until your back.

  218. Amen sister! You are so right on, Marie. I’ve believed for a long time now that there are silver linings in all less-than-great experiences. Case in point. Earlier this month, my little sister died suddenly. It threw me for more than a loop than I expected. But I’ve been able to find many silver linings in the experience, the most important of which was how much I loved her (more than I realized) and how much her existence has helped me become the person I am. I’ve also been inspired in my work, ideas that move me closer to my goals have come up that use this experience of loosing her.

  219. I really enjoyed the video and have found a lot of what you said to be true. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when things fall apart, but only action in the moment of now will help to remedy things.

    Also, write! Writing and dumping ideas out of our brains helps to clear up mental energy. It’s so simple yet so effective. Write, then act on some things. Then repeat. Pretty soon you will have a hugely productive and fulfilling day. Now THAT is “is”ness! 🙂

  220. “Make is-ness your business.” Coming from a classic worry-wort, that right there is genius. 🙂

  221. Wow, well done for staying so positive in the midst of a cold, Marie!

    Staying present in each moment is such a great idea. And I think it’s really important to be gentle with yourself when you’re going through something painful too. So if you congratulate yourself for every positive action you take, whether it be having a piece of fruit or going to work, you’re being kind to yourself 🙂

  222. Boy oh boy, I love this episode. My big lesson came in 2001. In five itty bitty weeks, my marriage dissolved, I moved, we nearly lost my father to a major injury, I had two surgeries, and I got laid off from my job. No husband, no home, not such great health, no income, and too much time in hospitals.

    My brain was all afog, and I couldn’t think straight, which felt devastating as a high-powered MBA-toting management consultant. But that was a blessing in disguise, because I finally learned to listen to my body. And especially my heart. My heart kept saying, “You always wanted to study psychology.” So I put my head in the service of my heart and went back to school for a PhD in Mind/Body Psychology. To fund my studies, I went back to my MBA program and worked in the career center. While I expected to become a psychotherapist, I found that I used a totally novel and totally fast-change approach to career reinvention. The MBA students told me, “You’ve gotta hang out your own shingle!” Then, the name for my current business, Work from Within, came to me in a dream.

    I had been such an up-in-her-head kind of gal before the five weeks from h*ll, and if I’d known they were coming, I’d have hidden in a hole. But they made me stronger, and they helped me discover how to trust the sensational wisdom of body sensations.

    Now, I can hardly wait to launch my new venture, The Sensational Shift, which is all about waking up the inner wisdom of passionate professionals to generate bold, brilliant, breakthrough success — from the inside out, of course. So I am sooooo happy that you’re suggesting that we be in the present, sensational, moment, and feel, without being in a story. Wise and wonderful guidance. xoxo

  223. Thanks for sharing your special gift Marie and not being stopped by that cold or other distractions! Guided meditations help me to be positive and in the moment. And of course spending time with really good friends that I can talk to openly and honestly. I’m just taking it one day at a time and I have to believe that a greater purpose beyond what i can fathom is in the works.

  224. Ha! This is exactly the advice I gave my client today….

    She had this lost feeling and I gave her almost the exact same advice as Marie. I should just start to tap into my intuition moment to moment.
    It has taken me so long to feel confident about my abilities as a coach but just in the past week, I have gotten the message over and over again that what I know and how I coach people…friggin works!!!

    I love it!!

  225. Racheal Mullen

    Thank you so much Marie for making this video. I am new to youtube and I enjoy watching you. I am feeling lost right now. I moved from Utah to come and live in NYC with my long time boyfriend. I found out in January that he was cheating for a year with different women online. I moved to NYC and I am here alone. I have not found a job yet. I am struggling everyday just to get up. I need to find a job so I can leave. I finally decided to seek counseling. I just wanted some advice on how to cope with this. We were together for 13 years. I am so sad and depressed. I want this pain to go away. Any advice would be great. Thank you

    • Hi Rachael! Thanks for sharing your story. That’s tough to uproot your life for love only to have the relationship end. NYC is a fabulous place and perhaps the relationship was meant to get you there? I live in NJ and come up to the city a lot to visit friends. I just moved back to the east coast and am trying to get settled again myself. Big moves are always tough, and add in a breakup and it can seem unbearable. I’m in the breakup phase myself and its been emotionally challenging. I’ve been using something called the I Ching to get me through it and see the bigger picture and what there is to learn from it. It has helped me tremendously!! With both the move and the breakup. Let me know if I can support you in any way!! I used to live in NYC and am only an hour or so away so come in a lot, like I said. Email me if you want to connect!


      • Racheal Mullen

        Hello, Dana

        I am so sorry for getting back to you so late. OMG so many comments on this topic. Yes, I would love to talk with you. I signed up for I ching if that’s okay. Please email me when you can. I would love to make a new friend. I could really use one now. [email protected]

  226. Joy

    My family, friends, excersise, books (I read ALOT), finding fun :). Awesome ladies like Marie, Gabrielle Bernstein, Marianne Williamson, Maya Angelou, Tracy Manu (holla NZ!). TIME is a big one and being gentle with myself.

    What put me on this path? I broke up with my partner of 7 years and was totally and utterly lost. I turned my world upside down!. 4 years later I wouldnt change a thing.

    Im stronger, independent, better equipped to help others and improved other relationships in my life. I shook the title of “someone’s missus” and became Joy 100%.

    • Joy, I’m also inspired by Maya Angelou! Oprah’s recent special really touched me and Dr. Angelou’s positive attitude really inspires me. Phrases like “when you know better, you do better” (simply, kindly accepting you didn’t know better at the time) and “stop crying and say thank you” (even if it’s just one small thing!)

      I recently went through a hard experience (fear of not graduating). I had to put myself first, it was a real struggle, and I disappointed A LOT of people. Even though I wasn’t a perfect student and didn’t do everything on time, I still passed and made it through!

      Did you similarly struggle with people-pleasing as you were heading into this new, independent pathway?

      I love that you said you became Joy 100%. You’re name is so fitting!

  227. Tracey O

    I know this episode was posted ten days ago, so I’m a little late in writing. But, I saw it in my email just in time. (It’s all in the timing, isn’t it?)
    I’ve experienced my share of loss and heartache, but this isn’t about me.

    This morning, my son sent me a text that he and his fiancee had broken up. I could see the pain … no, more than that, I could FEEL the pain in his words. He’s coming home tonight so that he’s not alone in his apartment in the city, and I’ve been walking around all day with a pain — a real pain — in my chest over my heart, just hoping and praying that I’d have the right words for him when he gets here.
    THANK YOU. You said what I know to be true, only my head was just too fogged up from worry to remember the words.

  228. Bill

    The idea is to change the internal story you are telling yourself about the event. A certain period of time is okay, and the story you are telling yourself is 100 percent true. But at some point it is important to understand that the current story is not propelling you forward, but holding you back.

    At that point, you now have the opportunity to ask yourself: “What’s possible now that was never possible before?”


  229. Dam

    Hello Marie,

    I watched your video and I found very interesting your advices and actually I’m trying to apply them into my life. But what I’m passing through right now is a kind of pain that tooks you into another reality.
    I won’t compare my pain to any other’s one, cuz every single situation is unique and each one deals differently than the others. But for me, this pain is the worst I’ve ever faced in my life and I already suffered incredibly much from heartbreak (a lovely and gentle boyfriend that turned into a monster from one day to another with apparently no reason, killing all our dreams and disappearing).

    My mom died recently from a cancer and now we are all lost and hopeless. She was more than a mother to me, she was my best friend, my everyday’s company (even living far from each other), my soul mate. We were really close, and losing her means losing myself. Life just got meaningless, uninteresting, and the trying to get better, to move on.. just got more a “survival” sense than really a wish to get better and be happy again. All my concepts about life, religion, objectives, growing up, etc, just got cloudy and twisted. Why do we live for if we are going to die one day?Why do we need to seek for a good career, family, money, health? How can we be happy if we lose someone so important and necessary in our lives? How to move on and let it all behind? All this pain? My life just got into another perspective, one that I only live for my closest family that I love so much, but wishing that one day I could see my mom again and I could be together with her again, with no pain around us.

    I’m coming up to you with all this because I really want to hear your opinions, to get some answers, to get more strength to move forward. Right now I’m trying to find energy to start all over again, actually, to start a whole new life and any I could use any kind of help.



  230. It’s so hard to pick yourself up & dust yourself off after disappointment or loss. But I always look around & say, no matter how bad I have it, someone else has it a lot worse & I have a lot to be thankful for.

  231. TM

    I spent from 2009 till 2012 being stalked by a 19 year old I had never met till I went to court. It was a horrifying experience and Im just starting to get back into my own. During the time I had a great male friend, he supported me, we flirted etc. The aftermath lead to a horrible turn in my personality and sense of self. I hated my self, I became whiny and distant immature and cold to everyone. I felt as tho I lost my voice and my ability to communicate what I was actually feeling. This guy has recently started dating someone else and its very painful for me. He is also my riding instructor and I am suppose to move my horse to his barn in a week or two. Am I making a mistake? Will this be too painful? Is there a way for me to accept him only as my trainer and not as only person who got me through the last few years?

  232. here’s one from one of my mentors, marlo thomas……

    the right words @ the right time

    love ya, marie

  233. nice videos… I agree with you totally and will follow your valuable tips..

  234. I just finished reading the book Crush It which gives the complete opposite advice. He believes that in order for your business to make it you need to exhaust all of your social media resources–developing relationships with your audience. So, I took his advice and spent what felt like forever on twitter one day and got into a few good chats with others but also was able to get 30 new “likes” on my website. I was thrilled, but exhausted. I think that it’s important to find a happy medium. The more authentic you are with your audience the better you will do:)

  235. This is so true!!!! I went through a moment in time where my boyfriend had dumped my sorry ass and I only say it because it was true. It was the greatest gift in the end. I felt like I had no identity when he left but that was because I made his life my life. I was afraid to be me and on my own. Long story short I sold everything that reminded me of a boyfriend and I mean. clothes, furniture, perfumes you name it I sold it and for $10 or less. I took my money and lack of baggage and left the country to travel South East Asia for a year alone. It was a journey that allowed me to discover who I was and that I loved me! I also discovered I had a flare for jewelry and started my own line of jewelry. So I am thankful for that little bump on the road and every new bump gets me excited to the new and better change it will bring to my life.

  236. Jess Bui

    Absolutely love this post! xo

  237. Thank you for sharing this today. I was recently fired from my full-time job due to ahem… restructuring by the new Controller who has hired her daughter (and one other person) to fill my position. I’m calm, but still aware of the financial pickle this has brought me to. I’ve been trying to find a “ho job”, while thinking over what I really want. It seems a pretty consistent theme amongst friends and family that I take positions that are below my skillset and intellect, but I can’t seem to get really clear on how I want to bring my love to the world. I have a lot of time these days and I feel like I should spend it building a foundation to living out my purpose.

    Thank you again for sharing.

    Love always,

  238. LoverofTheLight

    I was broken up about a year and a half ago and that completely shattered my life. I had to quit my job ( which I never liked anyway ). I tried studying and working again but was too depressed to carry on so I always ended up quitting. This was until I figured out that I was alone. I mean, I WAS ALONE. I could do whatever I wanted to do with my life. I had control. I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone and I had a positive family and friends who never understood me but supported me nevertheless. So I did sooo much after I realized that. I got in bands, I recorded music, I traveled, I wrote, I applied for a masters degree and got accepted ( still planning and thinking if IM actually going to pursue this since I have other offers and goals; but just having opportunities made me feel good. ), I played music live and got payed by doing so, I did a short film with some new people I met, a song from my band got picked to be featured in an album of local bands, I was a model for a photographer I met. I’m telling you… once you realize all that you can DO, and all the potential you have that hasn’t been explored, you will stop feeling depressed. Having something to look forward in the future has really helped me. Making goals and plans and then taking steps to achieve that.

    Its very important to eat well, sleep well and excercise. Feeling better and looking better helps, too! Just remember : THERE’S ALWAYS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO DOING THINGS, THERE’S NO REAL REASON TO BECOME SELF DESTRUCTIVE!! Stay positive, do good, be happy.

    Fuck, yes!

  239. jessica


    • Hi Jessica — Do not despair! I am disabled too, and on SS Disability. I know it’s a crap small amount of money. BUT, there are all kinds of town/city/county services that are there to help you. ALL FREE!!!

      I would call to the clinics and find a social worker who can help you navigate through this transition. Also, if you are depressed, they can connect you with a psychiatrist for anti-anxiety and/or anti-depression medication to help you through this hard time.

      Also, there are counselors that you can get to talk with every week, to work through your feelings. And church groups and the like who can help you move, set up in a new place, all that.

      So, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I am here. Right where you are, there are whole associations, organizations and service groups just waiting to help YOU. So chin up my darling one. All you need to do is ask, and keep on asking, for lots and lots and LOTS of help! xoxoxo

  240. HI Marie-

    I just discovered your blog today. I really like your inspirational thoughts. It really helps getting over a hard break up when you thought that person was going to move into the future with you. But you are right about taking one day at a time and that everything happens for a reason. Maybe breaking up is leading me into a new direction with moving / a new career and I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was in a committed relationship, where my boyfriend is stuck in one location due to his job. I’m resurrecting this idea I had as a teacher, I’m gathering great stories from teachers from all over the US. I’m based in NY. .. but if you can get the word out for me that’d be great. I’m looking to put together at least 20 stories to form a play and some of those teachers can act in the performance if they choose. I already have some really great stories, but still looking for more. Thanks so much! Thanks for being an inspiration. Not sure when this was filmed but if recently.. feel better!

  241. OH and the website is to submit teaching stories : )

  242. AMR

    I think the toughest thing about feeling lost is when pride gets in the way of sharing your pain with people who love you. Failure is so painful. It’s painful after you raise your kids, as a single parent, and you get lost when you’re on your own. I want to share this because the people who love me, I could never leave them, because I love so deeply, my kids, my mum, my friends,
    and so much more. But what do you do when you fail and you find it so difficult to get it back on track. You work hard, you think the business experience will help, but its hard, and it doesn’t happen over night, what do you do, dig deep, and when you want to disappear you reach out to that place that you know will work out, because you hear it from others when you feel pain. Marie I’m in awe of your young and youthful self that inspires other intelligent women to admit they failed. How do you get it on track ..

  243. sam

    ive hit pretty much rock bottom.. i split with the girl i thought i would marry back in march (i live in sydney but from uk)- we kept contact as we were still friends.. we both even told each other we loved each other. last week i found out she moved on straight away with a new guy from work. its really hit me very hard. i cannot sleep, im struggling to breathe at my desk, my family are on the other side of the world and i feel i could cry at any minute.. waves of anxiety/panic keep hitting me which literally feels like something inside my chest is tearing..
    my job is below average paid and almost feels like im just doing administration.. no challenge but i planned on staying in aus til next july when i can apply for residency.. but im doubting if i have the strength to carry on..
    im stuck in a single mans life now – boozing, drugging, womanising, smoking, nightclubbing – all unhealthy i know but i thought getting back out there and not moping at home would do me good – instead its eroding all my self belief..

    i scared myself so much last night as i prayed that i wouldnt wake up this morning. i couldnt tell my mum as she would feel helpless at home.. i feel i cant stay in sydney as i see memories everywhere and home is where we first met and the UK is unstable at the moment..

    please help. sam x

  244. Bobby

    Ok ppl can save this kinda optimistic bs.. Seriously im at the verge of losing myself for the last time.. I cant keep restarting my life as if nothing i went thru mattered.. Change is the one thing ive despised all my life with a passion.. Change takes things from destroys ur life.. N it leaves nothing but a huge empty grand canyon sized gouge where once there was a part of u… Do any of u care or is life some stupid redo process cuz im 40 n honestly for the last time i cant do this.. I cant go out like when i was younger n just make another friend.. I cant replace all those years spent building something only to have to restart.. Its not possible.. Im soo sick of ppls optimistic bullshit like shit dont affect them.. They go thru ppl in thier life like they change thier underwear.. This planet makes me sick at how little regard it has for others

  245. Loqman

    Hello, i was feeling lost for the last 3 years of my life, and now after watching this, i think i have a plan to start with , live the moment..

    so thank you 🙂

  246. sam cunny

    ive hit pretty much rock bottom.. i split with the girl i thought i would marry back in march (i live in sydney but from uk)- we kept contact as we were still friends.. we both even told each other we loved each other. last week i found out she moved on straight away with a new guy from work. its really hit me very hard. i cannot sleep, im struggling to breathe at my desk, my family are on the other side of the world and i feel i could cry at any minute.. waves of anxiety/panic keep hitting me which literally feels like something inside my chest is tearing..
    my job is below average paid and almost feels like im just doing administration.. no challenge but i planned on staying in aus til next july when i can apply for residency.. but im doubting if i have the strength to carry on..
    im stuck in a single mans life now – boozing, drugging, womanising, smoking, nightclubbing – all unhealthy i know but i thought getting back out there and not moping at home would do me good – instead its eroding all my self belief..the only silver lining is im a good looking bloke. but behind it is nothing worth sticking around for..
    im 32, all my mates have good careers, wives, children, settled homes.. im in a box room in the outskirts of sydney waking up each day wishing i hadnt.

    i scared myself so much last night as i prayed that i wouldnt wake up this morning. i couldnt tell my mum as she would feel helpless at home.. i feel i cant stay in sydney as i see memories everywhere and home is where we first met and the UK is unstable at the moment..
    i feel incredibly lonely and feel like ive had tears permanently resting on my lower eyelids.. as sad as it sounds, if there was an off button on me right now, id probably press it. usually people have passions which get them through life – i have none, i have no talents.. there is something wrong with me..
    ive tried being grateful for everything in my life but the weight is becoming heavy and i dont know if ive got it in me to keep on swinging..
    my mum would be so upset if she knew this but i cant tell her this, she would dispair.. i dont know what to do..
    sorry to everyone who read this, i guess its comforting knowing im not the only one walking under a cloud..

    • Racheal Mullen

      Dear Sam,

      Hello I am so sorry this happened to you. If you want to talk about it. I can offer you what helped me during my heartbreak. Please let me know if you need some help. Contact me and I will give you my email address.

      • a s prasaad

        Hi Racheal Mullen,
        i am also going through break up. need your email id,

        confused how to move a head in life.

        with gratitude

        a s prasaad

        • Rachal Mullen

          I am going to email you now okay. I am sorry your dealing with this.

  247. sam cunny

    hi racheal
    thanks for responding, thats so nice of you.
    i noticed your email above somewhere in the thread so i have mailed.
    thanks again

    • Racheal Mullen

      Hey Sam,

      I wanted to let you know I wrote you back. I am here for you :-). Have a nice day

      • sam cunny

        this website has pretty much saved my life and rachel mullen is an angel. she has issued me so much advice, love and caring that it has humbled me greatly.
        to know someone cares has actually shown me a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel through the fog of darkness..
        i was in a terrible place and now im clawing my way back. god bless you all. sam

        • a s prasaad

          Hi Sam,

          Dont worry ,i am also going through the same pain,

          you can mail me : [email protected]

  248. anonymous

    Thank you Marie. I loved how your personality shone like the brightest star in the night sky! Keep up your spirit while I work on taking mine up.

  249. Megan

    This is incredibly helpful and when you’re in a state that you need to get guidance like this, it’s awfully hard to find (or that’s how it feels anyway). So thank you very much for addressing this topic (and in a pretty thorough way:)!

  250. Cory Rodriguez

    Hey marie my name is cory and i am 21 years old going on a heartbrake at these momments. What do can you do after a 5 years relationship has fallen apart ? Is there anyway to get it back it or let it go ? What can you do when its been a relationship that has been on and off all the times? Please help :'(

    • Racheal

      You can email me Cory. [email protected]

    • Anonymous

      I just got dumped after a year and a half with someone who continued to crush me and I kept taking him back. What I learned was, no matter how much it breaks you, you can’t take them back. It’s time for “you-time” focus on yourself and eventually, little by little, the thought of her name won’t break your heart anymore. hope it helped. -k

  251. Thank you so much for this video. I stumbled across this by googling. Let me tell you how I have felt shattered right now. My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me last May, and I havent been able to truly move on. I felt shattered like everything I wanted in my life was gone. I still havent recuperated and I know my coping mechanisms are not helping. It is bad when I am alone for any amount of time. If I am at work or if I am with friends it does not seem as bad. I am currently trying to look for ways to get out of this. I love what you mentioned about going through pain gives you courage. You cannot be courageous if you never had to suffer pain. This thought is going to help me immensely to get back on track. I do have to start taking things day by day, and stop my planning of my whole future, and I will try to begin that now. I have been suffering by choice rather than letting the pain go and I find that the toughest thing to move past. Thanks again for this post. I am going to try a few tips you put on here.

    • Rachel

      You can email me if you want to talk. I am sorry this happened to you.

  252. Devante Springer

    I think I’m becoming insane. I left my family & everything in New York for my pregnant “fiance”, our 2 year old son & her family in California. Lately, I feel nobody cares about how I feel or understands me. I’m not happy because we just fought on Christmas over something stupid & she was wrong for starting it. Now she’s supposedly dating our ex who caused turmoil in our past. Right now I don’t know what’s real & I’m slowly slipping from sanity & reality because we’re still not speaking & I been isolated for almost a week & I need help before I do something ludicrous.

    • Devante Springer

      My email is [email protected] to reply…

    • Anonymous

      I know it hurts. I’m going through something similar. I used to love going to the gym. And I quit because of family emergencies. But after my “break-up” my mom stopped by and told me to go to the gym. I didn’t want to. I didn’t see the point. She listed the reasons that my ex spikes hatred into my heart. It started a fire. Ride the flames. I felt amazing after going to the gym. little by little, I got into a routine. Every sunday, tuesday, and thursday I’d go to the gym. It didn’t help at all at first, but I realized it made me focus on something else for a while. Distraction. Distraction was key for me. It saved my life. I hit a low point again, but who cares. I hope this helped. -k

  253. It is your viewpoint in our life most often changes how we see things. Sometimes this alteration is good and sometimes bad but it is our point of view that influences the way we feel.

  254. Shams

    I’m a senior in high school and I’m going to study in college outside mu country this year but I’m not sure that I really want this , I don’t even know what to study or what I want 🙁 I’m afraid to take bad decisions that going to effect my life
    please help

    • Anonymous

      I’m a junior. It’s ok to feel lost. What I would have done, is make myself go there. At least for a week. Try it out. And if I still felt skittish, I would leave and research for other options. Hope this helped. -k

  255. jay

    because of my past i’m having a rough time getting on my feet. i realize that im where im at because of the way i use to live my life. my wife is stressed, im not making enough money, im worried about loosing my wife and kids.
    ive been trying to get a good paying job but ended up with a labor job that is miserable. i can’t seem to get it together. i have to do better for myself and my family but i’ve completely bottomed out.

  256. Dropped everything of import to me to be in dutiful service to family. My life is an object lesson in doing what one believed to be the right things adding up to “gloom, despair, and agony”. Beat down and left for dead after 20 years as sole caregiver to both neurologically challenged parents. Plans laid with mother for post caregiving life all scuttled by father’s secret mountain of debt attached to my name. (Thanks, Dad. Loved you, too.) Simultaneously recovering from 17 year chronic disease scheduled to kill me, but I didn’t die (Hell, I didn’t even get that right.) and 12 years of a cousin’s son left to my charge in incarceration. Want to tell other “imposed upon” caregivers it doesn’t have to be as hard as I made it out to be. Don’t ever want to talk about it again; yet know this smelly turd segment of life is in fact the golden egg pushing through me, the neutered goose. HOW DOES ONE TURN A MESS OF BLESSING INTO A PROSPEROUS UPLIFTING LIVELIHOOD AND GET OFF DISABILITY WELFARE FOREVER? [If I had an answer I’d apply it to the B-School Scholarship . . . but the dead, as they did in life, ensure me of my unworthiness.] Confused yet searching, I MUST be BRILLIANCE YET ATTAINED. Still, I laugh and expect THE BEST, even without hospital drugs. YADAH 😀 !!!

    • GL FH

      Just typing the words has been like expelling 58 years of locked up gaseous sewer sludge from my very bones. Oooooo, HALLELUJAH! I can breath again and slain, can see beyond the wall of my own self-righteousness. TO LIFE, and that MORE ABUNDANTLY 😀 !!!

  257. GL FH

    Dad, Is that you?

  258. Debra Patrizi

    Great advice! 10 years ago my whole left fell apart. I was pregnant with my first child, in love and very comfortable financially. My son was born with several abnormalities including a life threatening illness, which can be fatal if he does not receive medical attention with a couple of hours. Due to the complexity of the condition, my son does not present with the typical symptoms. To make things a little more challenging he was also diagnosed with severe autism and is non verbal which is a worry as I have to trust myself but will never completely be able to trust another person who doesnt have my mother intuition. I was unable to return to my corporate role and therefore quit working to be a full time carer to my son. 2 years after my son was born I gave birth to a perfect baby girl and she brought a lot of joy into our home, but with the many hospital stays, doctors appointments and extra workload, my relationship with my childrens father broke down and there I was a single, special needs parent, no money, no place to live and not a positive thought in my mind. I felt so helpless and pressured to be completely responsible for my child’s life. What if I was asleep and he became sick,what if I missed something. I learnt to trust myself when my son became sick one day and after attending the hospital, we were sent home as scans, monitoring and other tests confirmed it was not his condition but most like a stomach bug. 2 days later I insisted the hospital admit my child as he wasnt right. His tests came back again perfect and it was agreed he should be admitted for dehydration. As I held my son in the hospital ward, I watched him as he stopped breathing and then his heart stopped beating. I was ushered out so the doc’s could work on him and I sat completely shocked and guilty. Thanks to the wonderful staff he was shocked back to life and it was that moment I realised it was up to me to create my happiness and the happiness of my children. This is life, you win some you lose some, but how much you lose depends on how you deal with it. No one is safe from challenging times, people die, people get hurt, no human being can escape from the pain that comes with those, but your happiness and success is a choice YOU have to make. Did I want to be happy or bitter and miserable for the rest of my life? The answer was easy, yes my son was born with disabilities, yes my marriage fell apart and yes I had no money…at all but I still had a beating heart and plenty of determination! I used postive thinking strategies such as thinking and giving yourself 100% to the task at that moment. If a negative thought came into my head, I recognised it and replaced it with anything that related to what I was doing in that moment. Takes a while for it to become habit but eventually I felt empowered and completelty blessed for the new life i had been given!

  259. Just feeling sad, lonely and confused. Fiance of 5 yrs whom I adored , trusted and believed was completely loyal – has been having an affair for several weeks. She has now gone ( with her son ) saying ” I know what you are going through – it happened to me before”… Now in an empty cold house that once was home…

  260. Joe

    I am currently starting over and rebuilding my life after losing everything, my job, my house, my long-term girlfriend, my dog, my money, my credit, my reputation. my confidence, and my self respect. For the longest while, I was numb to it all. It took years to get to the point where I was even willing to start over. I don’t know how to do it, if I can do it. I am scared to be honest with you. Thank you for the article. I can’t believe so many other people go through this.

  261. Hi Marie!

    I really enjoyed this episode. I’m a little late in viewing it and wish I had seen it sooner. I was let go from a job in February, and it was a job that I thought was going be The Job for me. I didn’t see it coming, but I messed up and had it coming. I have this horrible lost feeling, I’m unemployed and not sure what I want to do anymore. I have btaken

  262. Desiree

    I stumbled upon your website while looking for help..I lost job, my home, my car and my sense of worth. My ex left me and my children for someone else a few years ago. I immediately did what needed to be done! I found a job a place to live a car and was on my way to brighter things..then all hell broke loose! My job laid me off, my unemployment stopped and I started loosing all I gained in a matter of months. Today, I sit at my sisters house, with my children, no car, no finances, lost my furniture and all of our memories in storage that I had no money to pay for. I have applied to so many jobs that I think companies are becoming familiar with my name, yet I still haven’t been contacted (128 job applications and resumes sent). I feel broken, hurt and devastated! I don’t know what to do!!! I have humbled myself and begged family members to help me get a car and they refuse to help me and in turn have spread rumors within the family about me..truly kicked me while I was down! What do I do? Where do I start?

    • Josie

      I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. My family kicked me when down also. For work I can make suggestions that while waiting for a regular job to volunteer go to Craigslist gigs. Temp agencies. I was a single mom so many years my vehicle broke too in summer Phoenix AZ I rode a bike to and from work 15 miles a day hot too. Good part man did I get in the best shape I was ever in. There is a lot of community help for single mom’s and women. When family is no help go find a chosen family. Go online and see what help is in your area. Programs and people will help with rides and your job search. I know it’s tough sales is usually an easy job to get car sales and ok pay. Waitress positions and any job just for basic income. Trailer parks are cheap while getting on your feet. Once you get going again you’ll feel way better that you did it on your own anyhow. Do the hard work for a bit it won’t take long. Good luck in all.

  263. Josie

    I had lost my father suddenly, I had cervical cancer just removed, found out my son was autistic, just moved to a small town away from my career opportunities, my husband went overseas for the army and I was taking care of her as well as a multimillion dollar double probate from my grandfather and father in which the IS was getting all of it pretty much. All this happened at once. My entire support system was gone or too sick to help at all. I had NO one. So what I did was find a goal, a hobby and start working out physically I would go off roading with rock n roll and scream with the music. I got into boxing, writing and art. Although I was super busy I forced myself to dress up go out and talk to people I didn’t know about they’re problems (find people with problems at bars) I would try to help others from my experiences. I didn’t drink much because it made things so much worse I’d have one maybe 2 beers on my once a week going out time I would convince those other people to dance and sing and be goofy to forget our sorrow for just a little while. I made a lot of still close friends and others were only meant to be short term either way it helped all involved. So when you have no support system as many do not there are many ways still to cope. It was hard, I went from attempting suicide to absolutely embracing life and feeling sorrow but using it as a positive energy. I read budah books as I am not buhdist but they have awesome coping idea’s. II have worked on my inner self since now I have been through many things I have the ability to help others with true compassion. Also at that time I couldn’t go to my husband because. ..(my husband cheated and gave me HPV which turned to aggressive cervical cancer) he admitted this as I drove him to the airport to go to Iraq. So I had a lot to cope with. I had to have an emergency abortion and a hysterectomy at age 26. This again all happened in one year. Life changing. But you can change your perspective. I since flipped that house made 30k with anger energy, got an RV alone with 3 young children traveled and found myself again. Then after a few years I love myself more than ever for making it through without growing bitter. It’s not just making it through that matters it’s how it affects you. I’m sorry to say but even a support system can’t do that for you. Only you can decide how to let life changing moments change you. Positive or negative. Your life will change either way. Hope my story helped. I am now 35 remarried happy my kids are also happy and yes I still have to choose every now and then to change my attitude or outlook as life is not perfect but it’s as good as you choose to see it. Good luck in all adventures.

  264. Josie

    Sorry about the horrible spelling I did the comment on my phone. I meant in the beginning my mom was on chemotherapy and the IRS took all the probate (Estate) funds. Was in a hurry so hopefully this helps my last comment make more sense.

  265. Gus

    Hi Marie,
    I know I am late to the party. I just saw your videos for the first time today and this is one that I was happy to hear about. I lost my job in December and I am feeling lost. I am going to try to do your tips as I know they will work. I have always heard the term “live in the moment” but I never really thought about it. Thank you for your help. I want to eventually be a blogger and YouTuber soon and I know I just need to get sh*t done as you said in another video of yours! Thanks for all you do!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Gus, we’re so glad to hear you saw our videos for the first time, and welcome!

      I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your job recently – I know that’s really tough, and it’s great that you have some ideas in the works already.

      We’re sending good thoughts your way, and best wishes as you get working on your blog and YouTube channel! 🙂

  266. sara

    my whole life has been falling apart steadily for a few months now.relationship over.he keeps doing what he can to hurt me fell mom asked me to help her do something,turns out it wasnt whatsge said and i got arrested,not her,facing felony charges now and jail ,used all my money i had saved to pay mortgage or find rental but now its hone,my awesome secure job i just landed at asked me not to come back,said they didnt need the help after all…out of the blue….my dog bit someone and now i have a trillion more bills and court date for that,my vehicle needs work but u have no money,friend to ask work on it…my kids been hiding bad grades and wont even try studying or tutoring,i have 5 children with no support AT ALL from my exhusband in 8 years,he went underground working construction getting paid cash im told…cant get a new house to rent because no job and the one im living in now is my moms rental which she decided to give back to the bank after that mess but not before she stole almost half my tax money that was deposited in her bank acct.because she was going to “save” me money by filing my taxes for me online…no insurance and my kid has a toothache,tags coming due next week for my truck and i cant pay them,shot down left and right for jobs i apply to…and now so paralyzex with fear that i have horrible ass panic attacks,am short ,so short,with my poor kiddos ,and am so afraid ti leave yhe house that i shake before i grab the front doorknob

  267. sara

    i used to be so strong,id just get up and go figure out whatever need ti be taken care of…but now im stuck,lost,in a daze and i dont know what to do…im so scared every second,the fear suffocates me and its changing me but i dont know how to go back,i.dont know the next step,all i can think about is how am i going to provide,how will i find a place for my children to live,how will i afford rent with no job,that im a failure of a mother because im putting my kids through and im so ashamed of being a poor,unemployed, near homeless p.o.s.especially when it seems like everywhere i look i see people my age married,with careers and homes and getting together with family for holidays or having a girls night out and i cant afford bowling for my kids,i shake all the time,i yell and feel so guilty for it,im scared and alone and it just keeps piling up and up and im losing my mind.I have spent the past couple years really trying to be a good person,great mom,make a good life and name for myself and its all came tumbling down.i kept getting back up though and trying again and again and again until this last episode with getting arrested and losing my savings.if i go to jail where will my kids go?i spent all my money on a lawyer and now i cant afford a rental or pay for things we need,my mom is so scary that my family wont risk her backlash if they talk to me,so im an outcast,my children dont deserve any of this and thats what breaks my heart more than ANYTHING else.seeing the worry and fear and pain on their faces when the present situation or impeeding trial is mentioned.and i cant move.i cant think.i cant figure anything out.i feel like im frozen stuck and i need help butfrom who?where?how?im so dam afraid rite now.

  268. kt

    … thanks …. 38 quit my job moved o’seas to live with soon to be hubby after 2 years…. 5 weeks later. back home living with parents, no job, boyfriend said not sure of his feelings or if he wants this future with me…. um .eeek! breathe breathe breathe
    talk about lets start over…… but i guess glass half full…
    lets start over, its never to late, everything happens for a reason, i am taking responsibility for myself, and with MarieTV who can fail!
    Thanks Again

  269. Such a great informative post you have shared with us,Thanks for sharing.

  270. Marie, Hope you are feeling better. You are a trooper! I am a fan of MarieTV as you always provide great content! This was a wonderful post and you provided sage advice. A couple of years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. The only way for me to heal my pain was to journal my emotions. Next thing I knew, I was on my way to writing my first book. Today, Balanced Life Happy Life (Balboa Press 2015) has been published and now available at major online retailers. Who knew that a breakup would lead me to become a published author! Change is good!

    Looking forward to your next post!

  271. Djuro

    Marie your shows are getting better and better!
    Many wise and clever ideas and advice you’re spreading among yours fans!

    Personally, I really and honestly more and more see the quality and value of your TV episodes.
    I like your thinking that is important to all of us this day, this moment, today’s feeling of joy, happiness and love,some decline but rapidly rising,success or failure.

    I hope you will not blame me if I say that your jumper is really beautiful and you have a superb taste in choosing clothes for your TV shows!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Thank you Djuro! That’s so kind of you!

  272. michael

    tonight after holding out the greatest hope, i have now realized my 32 year relationship with my wife is over. she left me five weeks ago taking my two daughters. i have not seen or heard from them. yes I’m sure my marraige failed and it was my fault, but i cannot describe the pain and angwish this is causing me. i read how others somehow find the strength to climb out of the black hole….. but these girls where everything to me … the blood than ran through my veins … the air that a need to breath…. now gone ….its not self pity – its a hot sharp knife that doesnt stop …the feeling of absolute hopelessness i cant describe.

    • Adrian

      Sorry to hear about your situation Michael. I’ve never been in it, but I think I am quite familiar with the overall feeling. I have heard that there is nothing one can’t overcome, including the loss of a child. Knowing that there is always hope has frequently been my only guiding force, and given that I’m still here to relay this, I’d say it has a decent track record of delivering.

  273. fahadha

    Marie, Hope you are feeling better. You are a trooper! I am a fan of MarieTV as you always provide great content! This was a wonderful post and you provided sage advice. A couple of years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. The only way for me to heal my pain was to journal my emotions. Next thing I knew, I was on my way to writing my first book. Today, Balanced Life Happy Life (Balboa Press 2015) has been published and now available at major online retailers. Who knew that a breakup would lead me to become a published author! Change is good!
    Looking forward to your next post!

  274. Jennifer

    I’m Lost?!?
    I’m a 24 yr old junior in college. Recently I’ve not been motivated or interested in attending school and because of that my grades are horrible! Should I take a semester off?
    I currently work 2 jobs both part time. That pay okay but not the best. My family thinks i’m crazy for thinking about pausing college but personally i feel like i need a break.

    What should I do?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s hard to say, Jennifer. Some people take a semester off and come back feeling refreshed. Others take a semester off and don’t come back at all. It may help to ask yourself some really honest questions to figure out if you think you’d come back or not, and compare that answer to how much you value getting your degree.

      Marie has an episode on how to know whether you should quit or commit and I think you’ll find it really helpful for this situation:

  275. Winter DeForest

    Hi, I’m in the middle of forgetting things a lot, and being called dumb and crazy to my peers; I’ve always been that girl who would be able to deal with these things, but right now, I REALLY can’t take it… I’ve seen my whole life this way, reaching for bigger and bigger accomplishments, yet still, I fail to reach it because I forget the most important things in my life, or the most simplest, and that one mistakes makes my world fall apart… It’s hard to get back up again… I can’t just learn from my mistakes and keep on going like everybody else… and I don’t have any options to be happy again… and… it would be nice if anyone was in my shoes and maybe could give me some advice?

  276. Angels_Help_Me

    Hi all

    Not sure when you all posted your shares but i’ve just read nearly each one. They give me much hope and a sense of being okay.

    Here is my pain that i’d like to share to get relief.

    About 10 years ago i started to notice that i was behaving like a submissive. It was my old pattern – help victims, accept abuse from them and blame for stuff that wasn’t my responsibility.

    I have since given up a colleague, 4 friends and my sister. I’ve changed careers and i now have a voice. Unfortunately, i also lost my godson in the process.

    It’s all trauma around the relationship between myself, my “mother” and sister.

    I’m 40 yrs old, living in a rented box studio, commuting 2.5 hours each day, horrible ptsd at the weekend, envy and shame.

    I need a life that works and a life i want to get up for. I need time, healing, health and enough money. I need grace.

    I just feel so much sadness, memories pop up like crazy and i feel fearful. One step at a time is my mantra. If i do that, i can enjoy the happy moments too.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad you feel relief hearing the stories of other folks here in our community, too. You’re not alone. As hard as I’m sure it was, it’s such a brave thing to step away from people who aren’t bringing good things to your life. I hope you find the grace you’re seeking! xo

  277. Saptarshi


  278. Emily

    Best episode ever. I keep coming back to this one in hard times. Thank you so much.

  279. miles dayrit

    This page is very helpful and I think its really amazing to get a feedback fom my comment. What if one day you wake you felt like you’re lost. You felt like you got lost in the middle… Those feeling that is really hard to bare when you are alone. There were no voices that could help you. That’s what im experiencing right now. Eventhough, im only 20y/o, i felt like i am lost. I haave lost my achievements in which I have work dedicately for it in years. I have lost my very goals because I’ve chosen to be with people whom I think my “friends” who will understand me despite of being shy and not opening up my life. But then, they are not. I felt later on, that they are only their for me to judge on. They are not my friends. I have broken my rules for thrm. I have set aside my goals just to be with them. I have lost my passion and my discipline in studying. I have lost my scholarship, my latin of honors, my passion for learning and most of all myself. And when im already lost, they leave. We didnt argue but the silence and space just fill us up. Now, im lost. I feel like i have no friends at all. I felt like im having a hard time to trust again. I felt like people are againg to judge. I have leave my life alone. I do things alone. But because of the help of my family, i continue my life. I continue to be strong despite of the people whou brings me down and those who tried to bring me down. I have lost. Now, i will took my board exam 2 weeks from now and i was ike im unfocused. What can i do? I dont know whats my problem. I hope somebody would help. Its really hard to be alone but i have no choice. I juat continue to be strong. I continue to review on my own and i want to reach my goals though im full of fears, heartaches.. What do you think could help me? Thanks

  280. Lucie

    Dear Marie,

    this is a great video. Straight to the point. Yes, many times. The last time it was like being hit by a brick right into the face. It was painful and tough, everything fall apart around the same time. One thing, I must say, which comes clear out of this experience, is that I got closer to myself. I started to do sport, did a week of fasting, went to a weekend retreat, read, wrote, met people, just tried many different things to move on…It took a while. Strange thing is that most of the time we need a real shock to wake up and to get back on the track. It’s a bit like you said, that it was around the time you met your husband when things started to change. For me it was the break up which caused many changes and made me to see certain things I was until that moment ignoring. Learning to set boundaries. It’s like having an old building, it’s easier to start to build up a new one than to reconstruct the old one.
    Wish you a great continuation!

  281. Gy

    I feel totally lost. Everyone around curses and abuses me. They’ve used me for a lot of things. I just couldn’t say no. They are hurtful people. The more I started looking for a good partner, the more I was cheated. I tried becoming perfect. I never abused, I never cursed anyone. I gave her a lot. And still she abuses me. If I try leaving, she starts crying and says she’ll commit suicide. I can’t see her cry. I can’t see her sick. So I go back to be there for her. And she starts lying and abusing me again. She had a difficult childhood and past. She was abused and raped. I felt a lot bad for her. I tried my best to help. Got her therapy, pampered her, fulfilled all her wishes. But she still hurts me. I feel so depressed. My career has ended. I am unresponsive to my family. My health condition has worsened. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be lonely. I love her a lot. She is not a bad person. She is very respectful to her family, and her friends. But she sometimes says very terrible things. Why can’t she treat me like the way she treats others. Does being special partner means I have to hear her curses. I am on my knees and can’t get up. I hope God helps me. I need a miracle.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this, Gy. That sounds incredibly tough and painful. It may help to seek counseling and therapy since professional help will be the best thing for this. It sounds like she has some things to work through before you two can have a thriving relationship. We’ll be thinking of you both and sending lots of love your way in hopes that you’ll make the decision that’s best for each of you.

      • Gy

        Thank You Mandy. God bless you.

  282. i forgot everything and got comfort for some time.but its all vain.I can’t return untill i can face that memory .but i know no way to avenge it.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi there, thank you for watching this episode and commenting. I’m sorry to hear you have a memory that is difficult to face, and I hope the strategies in this episode could be a little source of comfort.

      Facing difficult memories can be tough, so I thought I might pass along another MarieTV episode we did that shares some other techniques you might find helpful:

      Thanks again for watching, and we’re sending our best wishes your way.

  283. Prasun Gharti

    I don’t know how it feels like to share my personal experience with everybody but I want to, though I live with my parents where I think I should get detached from them because I always get depression of burden to the family and some parent issues. But I also hear about the “life is too short” that our loved once shouldn’t be ignored or left behind, because of our parents we are here right now in some place where we understand the every situation and feelings. I know that I can’t do what I want to do but what they want me to do. I am so tired and confused of what should I do?