Marie Forleo introduction


I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

read more

I’m packing for an early morning flight tomorrow to run an incredible retreat and mastermind experience on the beach in Mexico.

Having the privilege of leading this kind of experience in a tropical location with ambitious souls is something I knew I wanted to do for years!

Which brings me to today’s MarieTV episode.

Do you know exactly what you want?

At the center of your being you have the answer. - Lao Tzu Click To Tweet

Whether it’s an uplevel in your business or career, your physical body, your intimate relationships or your finances, the first step to creating any result you desire is first being crystal clear on exactly what that result is.

Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves at a stage in life where we’re struggling to identify what it is we truly want.

Whether we’re in a transition after an ended relationship, or in between jobs, or still trying to find our place in the world, we’re stuck in the grey zone of “I don’t know what I want” land.  And boy, is that a painful place to be.

The good news here is there is that you can find clarity, fast. Click play and see how one reader had her answers “hidden” in plain sight.

View Transcript

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

Now I’d love to hear from you. Do you get caught up in the “I don’t know what I want” trap because you’re afraid to really claim and own your deepest desires?

Have you experienced the power that comes from being clear on what you want and going after it, despite your fear of failure or rejection? Leave a comment below and tell me your story.

Remember, when it comes to comments, the more specific the better. Why? Because you matter.

Your experience and story is important. And your sharing in the comments can have a profound and positive impact on someone else.

As always, thank you for reading, watching and contributing!

With love,

You may also like...
Add a Comment


  1. I was looking at the belt just before you mentioned it! It is super edgy, love it!

    This was such a wonderful video and I’m glad Alice asked this question.

    I do know what I want, but, my journey has really been clearing the fears, the limiting beliefs and the attachments that got in the way and also take up a lot of my time.

    It was actually when I heard Marie say “If you wait till you’re ready it will never happen” – which is basically what kicked my butt to start my blog and the inner vibrance project!

    For me, what I had to do is create rituals whenever those ‘fears’ and ‘limiting beliefs’ popped up. Basically counter acting the thoughts with high-powered positive ones. It’s been a journey but totally worth it and as a bonus – the more you work on the core of the problem, the clearer you become on the other side!

    Thanks once again Marie! You’re a total babe!xx

    Elise 🙂

    • Hey Elise,

      I think you are spot on when you say that you create rituals to help you overcome limiting beliefs. In my experience; moving the furniture around just doesn’t work and compounds the problem. Facing fears head on is the way forward. Actually, it’s not as scary as it sounds. In my experience whenever I make that dash to the other side, the universe rushes in to support me and says YES!

      Love Nige

      P.s Will be in touch in next couple of days about that guest post. It’s all about helping women get unstuck around food.

      • Excellent ladies! Nice work.*
        I also find that sometimes another way of ‘moving the furniture around’ so to speak, or distracting ourselves from what we REALLY want comes in attaching to a certain way it looks: THIS certain job, or THAT certain person. It helps me to focus and clarify exactly how I want to feel in my life, in my contribution, in partnership, etc. The little concrete pieces show up for me when I’m clear on the experience and feeling. OR if I think I want a certain thing- like that particular gig or relationship- then I ask myself, why do I really want that, over and over, until I get to the core feeling underneath all the surface attachment. *

        Marie, I couldn’t take my eyes of the belt from the get-go- powerful! I’m glad you said something about it!

        .* Thank you thank you thank you,
        Big waves of enthusiasm .* Nicole Casanova

      • Yeah I totes agree Nige.

        It can be scary as a mofo! But when you come out the other side it’s like you’re a new person. Light and free and ready to go straight for what you want!

        Elise 🙂

    • Elise,

      I also love your idea of creating rituals! For good or for bad (I’ve found that it’s typically a mix of both), I am a creature of HABIT! Over time many of my most important habits become rituals and my rituals then tend to develop their own significance and meaning. Allowing this to happen organically is actually one way that I practice listening to my true self, my “little voice.”

      When I was growing up, my mamma raises my siblings and I to believe that each of us had a little voice inside that knew right from wrong, and more importantly, happy from sad (or, in grownup language, fulfilled or not fulfilled). “Sometimes, you have to be still and just listen,” she would say.

      As I got older I lost the art of being still – it was much more comfortable for me to be busy and “accomplished.” Until finally, about six months ago, I was feeling more burnt out than I had ever felt. I was exhausted and unhappy but finally still. That’s when I heard my little voice telling me to follow my dreams, start my blog Colored Girl Confidential, and begin helping women live happier and more empowered lives, starting with myself first!

      It’s been a difficult journey sometime but when things get crazy or hectic, I turn to one of my daily rituals to soothe me and if that doesn’t work, I sit quiet and still and wait for the voice of my heart to guide me in the right direction!

      • LC, That’s the incredible thing about life huh?

        It’s colourful, it’s epic, it’s scary, it’s fun, it’s heartbreaking, it’s metaphorical – it’s a journey, but it’s ours.

        Wouldn’t change it for the world 🙂

    • Yes, I learned that from Gabrielle Bernstein. Counteract the negative thoughts.

      • Lauren Vanessa Zink

        God, I friggin’ love Gabrielle Bernstein. She knows where it’s at. She has free lectures on Spotify and a couple of books, for anyone interested in spirituality.

        • Lauren, thanks for that! I am so signing up! xx

        • Rosaline C.

          Thank you, Lauren for letting us know that Gabi Bernstein is on Spotify! I didn’t know that before. I’m listening to her now on Spotify. Thank you! 🙂

    • Hi Elise, Can I please ask what “rituals” did you create to deal with your fears ?

      This is one video I didn’t really find helpful Marie. I wish you had given some strategies as to how do you uncover the layers covering that core that really knows what you want. Hope you answer that in future videos.

  2. I spent so much of my life not allowing myself to even think about what I wanted for fear that it wouldn’t happen, so I can totally relate to Alison.

    This is the kind of thing that is so much easier to see in other people. I have a friend who is very particular. She knows exactly what she wants and most of the time she gets it. When I hear her saying, “I don’t know what I want” or making things all confusing, I know for sure that she knows exactly what she wants, but for some reason she doesn’t think it’s possible.

    What I always tell her is that you have to allow yourself to want what you want, whether or not you think you can get it.

    When I let myself want what I want, sometimes I’m surprised. Last Tuesday I was reminded that I had long time rock star fantasies. The stage, the lights, the cheering crowd. I spent a little time really getting into it. Remembering myself as a little girl, singing my heart out in the bathtub, (in my mind I was on stage with ABBA).

    OK, so this was Tuesday… On Friday, guess what I was doing? That’s right, I was on a stage, with lights, singing, in front of a crowd who clapped and cheered. It was with a whole bunch of other people, but who cares. What matters is that in remembering my dream I was motivated to go out and make it a reality.

    Powerful stuff. Thanks Marie!

    • Cecilia, you just took me there to watching you on stage!

      I could feel it, I could see it and I was totally delighted by it!

      See, that’s the amazing thing about owning what we want – it makes it magical AND infectious!

      Love it.xx

      • Thanks Elise! I’m glad to hear it’s infectious. That’s the idea! 🙂

        If you want to watch you can right here. I’m on the far right on the little step below the stage in the blue wrap dress with a little white peaking out. 😉 (skip to the two minute mark for the beginning of the song).


    • Well done Cecilia

    • That’s awesome Cecilia! It’s amazing what we can accomplish is we remember how fearless we were as children! I’m constantly inspired by my 2 year old – she isn’t afraid, she doesn’t have the limiting beliefs or negative self-talk that holds us back as adults!

      It’s the little victories that get us closer to getting what we want that we should celebrate! Rome wasn’t built in a day (and if their vision had been to do it in a day it would have been too overwhelming to even think about starting!)

      • I agree Ameena. It is about celebrating those victories along the way no matter how small or insignificant. We are so obsessed as humans with getting to where we want to go that we forget to celebrate just how far we have come. Thanks for the reminder. Your quote about Rome reminded me of something I read many years ago that said. ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day, and if it had it had been it would have collapsed due to second rate workmanship.’

        Onward and sideways,


      • Thanks Ameena! The funny thing is that I was an incredibly fearful child. I could sing in the bathtub, but I couldn’t play my violin in front of anyone, I didn’t want to use the telephone, like extremely fearful and shy.

        My life changed when I started to do things that scared me. So to fulfill the dreams of that five year old in the bathtub was powerful indeed. 🙂


  3. “There is no magic leprechaun that’s going to do it for you.”~ Rich Gee
    I suggest hearing what Candy Chang has to say about our moment in the sun, as well.

  4. Hi Marie,

    The only area in my life where I feel this way is in love. And you’re right that deep down I know, but gosh darn it I got to get a shovel and dig through all these useless thoughts I’ve created….like: I’m 31 and building my business which means I am currently living with my parents…so who’s going to want me? BUT THEN I think about all the hard work I am putting in and how I am not going to ever give up, so I want to be with someone who will want to be with me as I work to realize my dreams.

    In terms of business and going for what I want: I try like a Mother!!! and many many times the doors close. So I wanted an international scholarship that I didn’t get..I took another route. Deep down I know that all I want is to be happy, so I do not search for it, not anymore. I do things every day that make me happy. That way, if things don’t work out, I still enjoyed the journey. And I believe that this is all part of my life story I have to remember to retell on “True Hollywood Story: Sandy Galiano” 🙂

    The key I have learned and applied is: Get to know yourself (what makes you happy, joyous, free??) It’s my tagline on my website and ever since then I see signs reaffirming this. Successful people will always say “Now I know who I am because of…” (Especially on the Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet)

    Peace. Love. Happiness.

    • Hi Sandy,

      I find that woman especially find reasons why thety can’t do something. We tend to pile on the self blame and self rejection even before we allow ourselves the change to get our groove on in the world. I find the exercise given a few weeks back when you set your alarm clock every 3 hours with the words “where shall I focus my thoughts now” helps you to get your thoughts back on track. What you think will eventually manifest in the real world.

      You are beautiful and any man will be so lucky to have you by his side. 🙂

      • I’m with Robyn Sandy.

        We all have times in our lives when we need to step up and do something to grow our soul, so that we can achieve what we were put here to do.

        These transition phases are often really hard – life asks us to step out of our comfort zone, abandon some control and just go for it. That can be scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

        In those times you must remember to trust that if you are feeling drawn to something like building a business, then you must go for it with an open heart. That means TRUSTING YOURSELF even when it feels scary…. even when the way isn’t always crystal clear.

        You need to continue to have faith Sandy, continue to look for and create those little sprinkles of happiness in your life each day. These little sprinkles will one day turn into gentle warming winds of happiness that will bring what you want in ways you never imagined.

        You are extraordinary.
        And any man who you choose to share your life with is a lucky guy:)

        • Hi Clare, I love your comment to Sandie! How sweet and so true! Can’s wait to see your website

        • Hi Robyn and Clare,

          Thank you so much ladies for your beautiful and wise comments. It was very moving to read. I realized I’ve kept myself busy in good ways (business/fitness/wellness), but the only slight change I know I can make is being open to a new relationship. I would love to share this journey with a man who loves me through all of life’s adventures 😉


  5. Yesss, I feel Alison’s pain! I get so disappointed that I constantly tell myself that I am just “not clear” on what I want.

    Here’s the REAL issue. Are you ready? It’s really simple:

    Limiting Beliefs.

    I’ve identified that the TRUE roadblock in my way for getting what I want are my limiting beliefs. You may have limiting beliefs that you do not even know exist. You may have LB that you acknowledged at sometime, but forgotten by now and re-internalized. LB are really scary when you confront them. I’ve yet to figure out a way to abolish them other than tackling them head on (which is INCREDIBLY scary). (Psst, any advice?)

    So I just pray/meditate on my LBs. And take little steps to counteract them in safe ways (the thing about LBs is that they affect you in daily tasks without you even realizing it. Combatting an LB with awareness and “No, let me do things differently this time” helps)

    But, realizing my LBs doesn’t make me feel like I’ll attain my goal. I still feel blue. I still feel like I’ll never make it until I knock my LBs out. So in the mean time, I go with DIRECTIONAL GOAL SETTING (my name for it). Instead of having a specific goal, I just do things that make me feel good that are related to the general goal until I have the dopamine and guts to re-establish my goal again. Then I plan my “next right action” step.

    • Hey Udo,

      I love the term ‘directional goal setting.’ It looks like a nifty way of coaxing gains little by little without having to smash your head through a wall in the process. Your a bloody genius Udo.

      Your post reminded me of the ‘Kick A$$ Friday’ article I wrote last week. You might want to take a look…



      • Cool, your post is awesome! WHen I was younger, I thought affirmations were stupid. But if someone had told me about them in the context in which you used it, I would have been using them all throughout my teen years!

        I am also an athlete. I never seriously thought to use the power mantra during my workout. THere was a time, in dance class, I would say something like “I am graceful and focused on my desire excel” because I was just SO TIRED of feeling bad about myself for not being as good as the other dancers and comparing myself to their abilities. After a year or two, the insecure feelings have diminished. I guess it really works!!!

        I will start using power mantras again for my studies, my website, my career, my art, etc. Thank you for sharing!

        • Hey Udo,

          If you enjoyed that post then you might want to sign up for my awesome free weekly newsletter ‘Kick A$$ Friday’. Just head over to the website and pop your name and email into the box. I’ve got a really funky tip going out this week that will transform your relationship with training and I wouldn’t want you to miss it. Here is the link


    • This is so true Udo, our limiting beliefs are in the way – holding us back from going for what we really want.

      Since the time we were very little, we already had a vibe on what we were here to do in the world.

      Spend a little time getting to know that vibration again.

      • Yup. Robin you’re right about that!! Always wanted to be an author. Always loved writing. That was the first thing i said i wanted to do “when i grow up” lol

    • Lea

      Never “pray/meditate on your limiting beliefs”!! What you focus on is what you get! We give WAY too much weight/credit to limiting beliefs. that they can hold us back, “roadblock” us that they hide & resurface later, that we have to “abolish & tackle them” no wonder you’re feeling “blue”. this is a comfortable ‘story’ for you (even though i hear/feel your pain) that many others will buy into too. Its more comfortable to believe this, than to believe you can have your desires. What limiting beliefs?? What if there is no such thing!? what if nothing is holding you back!? You don’t have to set ‘directional goals’ you can set ‘real’, huge, fantastical goals! And don’t make the mistake of focusing on what you ‘want’ in your life either then you’ll always be ‘wanting’! Focus ONLY on what you LOVE in your life! Pray & meditate on what you LOVE & what brings you JOY in your life!

      • Lea, no I believe LBs are real because whenever I take an action and feel negatively about it, I notice a patter. A pattern emerges “Everytime I’m afraid of passing my mother, I _______.” I look deeper and realize “I think my mother will disown me” which explains the behaviour. Acknowledging this makes me feel powerful to the point that I am able to CHANGE my behaviour.

        You’re right that NOTHING is holding us back. The only thing that really holds you back is yourself — your LBs. Only because you allow them to out of fear. They don’t literally hold you back, you just chose to let them and it happens without you realizing it.

        My directional goals keep me from crying on the floor from depression whenever I’m feeling down. Sometimes setting huge goals when you feel discouraged and defeated makes you feel WORSE. That’s why I started doing “directional goals” so when I’m ready to fantasize my big goals again, I am already closer to them than I would be if I set those big goals, felt bad, and decided to give up.

        You’re right to focus on what you want. WHen I say I pray on my LBs, I don’t mean that I’m praying “PLease get rid of my LBs”. I’m praying “Please release me into my joy”. Its not the LBs that you need to focus on because you could have millions of them. It is the courage to act despite them that you want to focus on.

        • Udo,

          In my training as a psychologist, I came across a technique that many of my clients find really helpful, and you might too. It’s an affirmation with a twist. First, state an affirmation. For example, “I am confident.” Second, pay attention to the critical voice that comes up afterwards (it always does). It will say things like “no you’re not,” “liar,” and “who are you kidding.” Third, ask yourself “who is saying those critical things?” You were not born with negative limiting beliefs. Somewhere along the way, you got that limiting belief from someone. Find out who that person is. You’ll realize it’s not YOUR limiting belief at all. You just adopted it for awhile. Limiting beliefs are much easier to release when you realize they were never really yours.

          Much love and joy!

          Dr. Selena Tramayne

          • Hey Selena, Do you really believe that the critical voice always comes up? That is not the case for me. I think the important thing to know and trust, is once you’ve down your growth work, the critical voice can be eradicated. I think we need that hope and realization. With Love, INGRID x

          • Hey Ingrid,

            I’m replying to my post since it doesn’t allow me to reply to yours. I absolutely agree with you that the critical voice can be eradicated. This technique is used when we have a limiting belief that we’re working on. If we already believe that we’re confident, then the critical voice isn’t going to show up because we don’t have that limiting belief. The critical voice doesn’t really come up unless we’re telling ourselves something we don’t truly believe (yet). In the example I gave, “I am confident,” we wouldn’t be using the technique if we were truly confident. There would be no need.

            Love and joy,


      • Focus on what you love… i love that! And i need to do more of it myself. MUCH MORE.

        • Annette Alam

          Awesome Selena

    • Udo,

      First, thank you for your transparent vulnerability. It is courageous and reveals your beauty.

      Second, LB are usually, almost always LIES! The core of a LB is a lie. It is some small thing recorded in your memory as a truth. It is a step forward to realize it’s a LB. My success in dealing with my LB is to dig up that core lie and confront it with the TRUTH. Sometimes this is VERY painful and sometimes it is just a matter of recognition.

      I recently dealt with the LB that I can’t live up to my potential. This is a lie based on fear and not being “good enough” which deconstructs to fear of being mediocre and a failure fear which leads to losing the love of family, husband and God. This is the core and it’s a lie.

      Now, breaking this down I realize what the core is and it’s corresponding truth. A history of stupid decisions and tragedy and I still have not lost the love of my family, husband or God. And NEVER will. So failing at a business venture – is nothing. (Even writing that again here loosens something that was holding on – I can feel myself becoming more free)

      I am gifted at getting to the root if you want to email me with more info. And BTW I am a trained therapist, if it matters.

    • Nancy

      I love what u said about overcoming limiting beliefs by doing things that make me feel good related to goal then plan “next right action”. That is a great way to overcome LBs and i’ll be doing that from now on.

  6. Ameena Falchetto

    Awesome Marie and love the SheRa belt!

    Amazing how actually deciding that you want X is so hard for many. Often it is because the vision is so big, so daunting and often reliant on a crazy amount of work and then uncertainty because it involves others …. Scary stuffs. Often breaking it down into bite sized portions makes it easier to swallow and achieve.

    I know that I on my way to getting everything I want but I have to be patient and build the foundations. Plus taking time to enjoy the small sweet nuggets is very important as it keeps me going and reminds me that life is for living, not working.

    Break it down, enjoy the journey! Thank you Marie!

    Break that dream and vision down and enjoy the milestones!

    • Hi Ameeennaaaa!!! Look we’re in the same place!! lol and it’s not your blog lol nice to see you here!!! 😀 To your comment. Milestones. I need to get concrete about mine. definitely. and pronto.

  7. Thanks Marie you just hit me between the eyes with a baseball bat….You just gave me a light bulb moment!

    I know exactly what I want but I’m finding it hard to translate it from the client in front of me in the salon (which is easy I’ve been in a salon for 30 years) to the client online??? I need to practice more with clients online OMG as I’m writing I’m actually processing this in my head.
    YOU are amazing thank you!
    Oh & the Super Power Belt looks fab.

    How do you get inside my head Marie, unbelievable!

    • I got so carried away I forgot to say thank you for the question Alison.

      Finding my place in life and having happiness has evolved into more than I imagined but doing what I’m doing now with My Beauty Coach is really pushing my boundaries. I question myself as to whether I’m doing the right thing and is there a place for it out there somewhere? All I know is every time I get fearful and don’t know what I want, I ask myself do I love what I do and the answer is always to same YES…I love it.

      • Jessicah

        Hi Suzie,

        I’d actually clicked on your site some weeks previous and what really stood out to me was your blog. I could hear the passion in your writing voice for what you do AND I learned a lot. I loved your personal beauty coach story. I was a little disappointed by the lack of diverse skin tones on the site yet, I was really engaged by your knowledge and enthusiasm about your topic. So I def. think you’re on the right path.

        • Thanks for visiting Jessicah, I really appreciate your feed back. I will keep diverse skin tones in mind!

  8. Hey Girls & Guys,

    I think that we are all born with a passion and an idea of what we want in life. The only difference between us all is that some of us really strive to reach that passion while others are stuck in the fear of what if.

    Sometimes you will just need to break the mold and go for what makes you happy. At the end of the day we only have 1 life and I would rather say that I accomplished something fantastic then having regrets of what could have happen if I did ….

    We all need a little reminder from time to time to just go out there and shine.
    Awesome post Marie and good luck Alison.

    • Thanks Robyn I like “we all need a little reminder from time to time to just go out there and shine” that’s a tweetable!

    • Working with young people, a lot of them DON’T know what they want. They have no clue and whenever they read things like this, the freak out.They feel they are doomed ot fail because no matter how hard they try, they don’t feel passionate about anything.

      And honestly, most people in the world would rather have someone dictate their lives for them than do the work it takes to “shine”. You are a special class of person.

  9. I think it comes down to knowing what your highest level value is in life.

    From there everything becomes clearer. For example for me it’s FREEDOM.

    So I align all I do with having more of that both in business and in life. I also think it’s a journey that shouldn’t always be rushed.

    We do want different things in life at different times. Getting really clear on what that is at the time, is worth a million dollars.

    But as that changes, don’t be hard on yourself from moving away from what you originally intended.

    Most of all have fun and enjoy every day, and don’t stop believing ..


    • I was also just thinking about FREEDOM. It begins with the struggle to gain FREEDOM FROM the things we don’t like in our life. It develops into FREEDOM TO create what we do want in our lives. It blossoms as FREEDOM OF simply being the best we can become in the moment.

  10. Oh Allison, are you sure we aren’t related? I have struggled with getting “clear” for years. I had some serious set backs and personal tragedies that kept me trying to stay safe, instead of going after what I want. I spent way too much time trying to do what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. And that never goes well, right?

    I want to encourage you to take a leap of faith. Work on you, live with the knowledge that you can have what you want.

    Be faithful and make good choices that support your vision. And surround yourself with healthy friends. There is nothing better in this world than the support of good friends.

    Good luck! And thanks Marie for another crazy-pants, awesome video.

    • Love that Amber ” Healthy Friends’ nicely put!

  11. U ARE shinning… 😀 Love you!

  12. Hey Marie,

    Another thought provoking episode. Maybe if they ever do a remake of Wonder Woman you could play her and wear that shiny new belt.

    Deep down

  13. This is a problem we women struggle with Marie.

    We dream about the amazing life we would love to have – what that life would look like and how amazing it would feel to have it.

    And then we try and imagine ourselves in the picture and we freak ourselves out by thinking of all the reasons
    a) why we are not worthy of that life, or
    b) that we are not smart enough/beautiful enough/wise enough to achieve it

    But if you look around you, you see lots of people just like you with successful businesses, great marriages and kids/travel etc. Their success shows us that we can have it too.

    You are right Marie – being honest about our dreams combined with self belief, consistency and picking yourself up and trying something new when things go wrong are universal principles for having a life you love.

    I needed to be reminded of this today. Thank you.

    • Hi Clare,

      My intention here is to be helpful.

      I want to share a nifty little exercise with you that I frequently use to help me overcome fear in my life.

      Okay here goes:

      The next time you experience that critical, judgey voice inside your head do the following:

      1. Write down ‘the event’. E.g. I can’t live the life of my dreams because my partner is holding me back.
      2. Then write down what you make it mean about you. E.g. I am unlovable.
      3. Is it true? Answer YES or NO ( The answer is always NO)
      4. What is the truth? E.g. I am make powerful, loving choices in my life.
      5. Take a deep breath and take action.

      The above exercise will help you return to a state of love and peace very quickly and will place you in a healthier position to make a new choice; one that supports and nourishes your dreams.

      Clare, I want to remind you that you are an amazing woman. You are smart and you are wise and you are much stronger than you realise.

      I believe in you.

      Keep it real,


      • Thanks Nige. I’ll give that exercise a go!

        • Hi Clare,

          Go for it girl! You can do it!

          You might be interested in my awesome free weekly newsletter Kick A$$ Friday.

          You know how people typically go to a personal trainer to get their body in shape?

          Well, what I do is use a holistic personal training process to help people get not only their body, but their entire life, in shape.

          If this is something that interests you then just click on the link below and pop your email address in the box provided. You will be glad you did.



      • Nige,

        Love this exercise. Thanks for the great insight!

  14. Oops! Sent my first reply by accident. Now where was I .. Oh yeah.. Deep down I think we all know what we want. Its just that world weary patterns get in the way of our desires. Wayne Dyer calls these old patterns ‘a mind virus.’ The day I finally said enough was enough and decided to follow my heart was like some kind of religious experience I chose to walk the road less travelled and I’m so glad that I did. I have had some incredible life changing experiences along the way. In my opinion, living a life filled with purpose means having the courage and willingness to face and embrace the shadow parts of myself on a daily basis – removing the blocks to the awareness of my brilliance is a moment to moment to proposition but I’m up for it. Thankfully, I walk with mighty companions -and you Marie are one of them 🙂

  15. Love your work Marie! You rock girl. Have fun in Mexico!! LOVE, Ingrid from Australia and much BodyLOVE xx

  16. I love this and wrote about when you know what you want the universe will bend over backwards to give it to you. The doubt so many experience is fear, that’s only and it’s only real because we give it power. The truth is we are all designed for greatness and the most we stop doubting and start doubting in alignment with our hearts desire is the moment we start to attract what we really want. xx LOVE, Ingrid

    • Lauren Vanessa Zink

      Ingrid Arna, you are right on the money here! Have you ever read “Yes Man?” He makes a pact where he has to say yes to everything, and as a result he learns that when you open yourself up to life, life opens up right back. I love this advice. Usually what keeps us from doing things isn’t that we don’t WANT to, it’s that we’re AFRAID to. But once you do it, you realize it was never as scary as you expected it to be.

    • Thank you so much! Just what I needed to read!

  17. The problem for me is I have so many options, and so many things that I love doing, that I find it hard to focus on one of the wonderful directions. I have been incredibly lucky, and most days I know it. And life seems so short. Choosing one area to develop more deeply is difficult. Any reflections?

    • Hey Cathy… here’s my take… there a lot of things we love but what is your soul’s purpose… what are you really here to do, give, share, teach? So perhaps by taking it deeper your purpose will begin more clear.

      Love, ING x

      • I seriously can’t write tonight…. off to bed to dream about what I want! LOL

    • If you’re into having an online business, this is perfect. You can do all those things, but have an overarching theme that ties them together so it can be marketable (and people can wrap their heads around it).

      If you’re just living life, why not enjoy the fact that you are a renaissance woman? And evaluate the things that you seem naturally gifted at and spend a week or month focused on taking that thing to the next level?

      You’ll start to see what things you can use to make money and what things to continue playing with as a hobby. Or maybe it is your APPROACH to all these things that is of incredible value.

      Don’t stress out about liking so many things. Enjoy it and SHARE what you discover.

      You will fill your self up to the brim when you start indulging in your hobbies. You must then SHARE IT so you do not become overwhelmed. This will empty your cup so you can fill it again. Volunteer someplace that needs your talent, give advice to businesses that are in the field, etc.

  18. Hi Marie and everyone!

    Claiming what I want is hard for me for exactly the reason that Alison speaks about – “what if I don’t get it and I’ll be all disappointed and what’s the point anyway?”.

    So, I started small, asking for things I knew I’d get to reinforce that the answer will usually be yes. Then I stepped into bigger things. And then bigger things. Bit by bit, I began claiming what I wanted and the more I did that, the more things fell into line.

    I also gave a voice to my fears and doubts and let them speak to me. Once they felt “heard”, they went back to being a noise in the background. The more I pushed them away and tried to pretend they weren’t there, the more they tried for my attention.

    Have a wonderful time on your trip, Marie. And thanks for all the supportive info, community. You guys are so great! I really look forward to Q&A Tuesday!

    • Silky

      Thank you Lisa. Very helpful comments.

      How do you make your fears feel “heard”? Do you mean whenever we have a negative voice or LB you just simply listen to it then acknowledge its voice but choose to not listen to it because you feel it’s disempowering?

      Thank you Lisa!

  19. Hey Marie and all you lovely commenters above 🙂 I’ve been reading through and love the topic and all your advice..

    So I;m gonna add my advice to the ring..

    What I do when I’m feeling crap and cant’ figure out what I want is, I go somewhere by myself -preferably outside in nature – beach, park etc, or just my room if that’s all that’s available.. and sit and write for a while.. I write about all the things I don’t like or dont’ want or am NOT happy with in my life.. then I flip the page or on the opposite page I WRITE all the things I DO WANT – usually this is simply the OPPOSITE of the other page stuff.. but sometimes just getting clear on what’s not working for me makes me realise where I’m at and what I really do want..

    thanks for a great reminder.. think I’m gonna go do some writing now 🙂
    hope that helps some of you out there too! x

    big love, Prita

    • Lauren Vanessa Zink

      Prita, this is great advice, taking the bad stuff and flipping it on its head. It can be so easy to just focus on the crappy stuff, and when we do that, we usually just end up attracting more of it to us. Much better to focus on what we do want!

  20. “Belting good” video Marie … as always 🙂

    What we REALLY want is the feeling or state, the BEING, that we expect to get from the HAVING and the DOING of things. Often, we can get some of that feeling in other more simple ways, which we can then use as stepping stones towards the “biggie”.

    So, just as important as knowing WHAT we want is knowing WHY .. and that WHY can help drive us towards the DOING and HAVING that leads to our required BEING.

  21. Sarka

    This is just AMAZING! I wanted to ask this question. Actually thought about it last week….. and Allison did it for me, thank you so much. Life is amazing and I am very grateful for having found you Marie 🙂
    Thank you!

  22. This is great stuff (so is the belt, by the way)! I really relate to the idea that most of the time “I don’t know what I want” is BS. I used to respond to literally any question about myself with “I don’t know.” I thought it was a just a Libra thing. My current wonderful partner was one of the few people who never lost interest, or moved on to another question after the “I don’t know.” She would just shut up and wait for the rest of the answer…which always came! I realized “I don’t know” meant “I’m scared to answer that question” and that I could create my own silence in my mind where I could hear the answer.

  23. Ja

    I know what I want, and you’re message today has pushed me even more into the direction of Action! Thanks for exposing the “I don’t know what I want” gremlin to the light of day, turning that little bugger into dust!

    ~ Ja

    • Lauren

      Hopie, I so relate to that discovery! Thank you for putting that into words ! That is critical information for someone like me who really struggles getting past the ” I don’t knows”.

  24. There are always times when fears and doubts constantly speak to you.

    I ‘ve found out that if I try to silence them, they remain there and I get more and more unclear as to what I want to do and I cannot move on.

    So I let them speak, I stay with them, I experience the pain and then I let them go: I focus on my present and decide to make at least one little action that makes me feel good (even as simple as calling a friend and go out for a drink together!). After that, I’m always more clear and I know what to do next to move towards my goals and desires.

    Great video (as always) Marie.


    • Ali

      I completely agree with you about needing to experience the pain. So many of us run away from experiencing that, but I’ve also learned that you really need to yourself feel the discomfort of negative emotions in order to be free of them.

  25. Hi Marie,

    Wish I could hear what you’re saying, the music is very distracting.


  26. Ali

    There was a time where I truly didn’t know what I wanted…I had always wanted to get married, live in the nice house with 2.3 kids and stay at home with them.
    Well I got married, rented the house and had a kid, but then it all fell apart when I got divorced.
    For two years I was in limbo…I didn’t know what I wanted since the first dream totally died. Part of me wanted the marriage, house, kids thing yet part of me also had to accept that that future may not happen.
    The irony is that as soon as I fully let go to all the possibilities and accept that all possibilities are ok, and I opened up again….that’s when new visions, and ideas started to pour in.
    A year ago, I would’ve never thought I’d be where I am today…im in the most amazing relationship I’ve ever been in, my son is healthy and amazing, and I’m in the very beginning of starting my own online venture. It’s funny where life takes you when you surrender and just go with it.

  27. Morning Marie + crew!

    Mexico huh? oh la la. Sounds like mucho fun 🙂

    While I have had days/moments of not always knowing exactly what I wanted, I knew that I always wanted something and so that kept me moving forward. I was okay when there wasn’t always total clarity around this.

    It’s not until recently when I got really clear on what I wanted, and more importantly, becoming crystal clear on what my talents and unique gifts are that I have received many self directed kicks in the butt to go after my dreams. I see more and more how my talents lie in helping women learn to Eat well. Be happy. Love life and if I’m not doing that, well a whole lot of women are missing out.

    PS She-ra was my one and only comic hero when I was a kid.

    xo Johanna

  28. Fabienne

    I know that feeling. I’m about to start my last year at the High School of Arts in Bern (CH) and I’m always a bit afraid and frustrated, even when I just think of it. It has been a fight for the last 5 years at this school; a lot of things pulled me down, a lot of tears and even more moments that made me feel unworthy. But after all, I still love my profession (conservation and restoration of architecture and furnishing). The point is, I’m so afraid of not finding a job on my profession, that I always think “What can I learn besides school, that approves my chances?” or “if there are so many people doing my job now, why should there be a place for me too?”
    My thoughts are on a rollercoaster trip.

    Best regards,

  29. Love how you put in perspective how we are only ‘bs-ing’ ourselves when we pull the “I don’t know what I want” card 🙂
    Fear of judgement/failure is a dream killer. We can all get what we want!
    What you are doing is amazing and am so excited to be following your work.

  30. Hey Marie. This is such a great episode! Full of little tips and brilliant words. My quality question to ask when I am unclear or anyone else is:
    If you did know what would it be?

    Just to add to your list of handy tools

  31. adalilly

    thankyou for that Maire it was truly reassuring.

    Id like to do volunteer work but I really want to work for myself doing something I enjoy to make money to support that. I haven’t really started on my journey yet because I’m caught in a cycle of if I set up a business ( id like to start selling my artwork next year) and concentrate on doing that it takes time away from being useful to others yet if I spend all my time with others I’m stuck in a job that is killing me emotionally and so therefore I end up doing nothing and feeling even worse. My head feels full even though my actions are not showing it and I cant see for going round in circles.

    • Manal

      ^yup. My dream is humanitarian work, specifically psychosocial aid. I am at a season in my life where the vision will have to wait till my kiddos get older. So what do I do in the meantime that will get me where I need to go AND get paid for it. Lost.

  32. I know exactly what I want! …and sometimes I hit roadblocks while trying to create it. When that happens, I have to peel back a few layers to understand what’s blocking me before I can get started all over again. It means that my realistic timeline and my ideal timeline don’t always match, but that’s okay. As long as I continue moving forward and seeing even itsy bitsy signs of production, creation, and progress, I’m cool.

    • Hi Ariana,

      I love sharing this journey with like minded people. In my world dinky steps = forward motion. Onward.

      Love Nige

  33. I recently had someone tell me a great way to determine whether or not something you want really fits in with your life purpose…

    I told her that I want all sorts of stuff, to create a million programs, help people in 100 ways, be a Supermom, the list goes on forever.

    She told me to figure out 4 core statements about who I am, like a mission statement. The Four Pillars of Truth. When I have a want, apply it to those 4 core beliefs, does it match up with who I am? If not, decide whether that current want is just a fun thing to add to your life, getting sidetracked is fine, as long as it doesn’t steer you off your path.
    So when I thought I wanted to take a 3 day course in Comedy Stage Hypnosis, in Las Vegas, I sat down to decide if it was REALLY part of who I am, and what I am trying to create for my life. It sounded like so much fun, but in the end, it’s not really who I am, or where I want to go.

    I have never lacked in the want department, it’s was always figuring out which want was the best for me and my life. My friend’s advice has really helped. Now getting clarity on the 4 pillars, that took some time and some deep down honesty sessions on my part.

    Thanks, Marie! Great advice, as usual!


    • Hey Sara,
      Thanks for posting this tip. I found it really useful. It sounds like getting clarity on these 4 pillars is well worth the time and effort involved. Food for thought.

      Love Nige

      • Nige, what I love about you is that you will actually go away and APPLY this; I bet, when I come home tonight, you will have already started working on your four pillars.

        It’s one of the many things I love about you.
        Your wifey xx

  34. Thanks for bringing up this topic Marie!

    Those fears and limiting beliefs will pop up – you’ll know them well since they’ve been getting in your way for most of your life.

    This is the time to know these are only what hold you back – they aren’t the TRUTH that must be obeyed.

    We project these fears onto people in our lives and then think other people hold us back, they don’t believe in us, they think we aren’t capable.

    Today is the day to sit with what you’d really love and go for it! You’ve known what it was since you were very little.

    • Robin i love what you just said. “Today is the day to sit with what you’d really love and go for it.” Thank you for saying that. But do you ever wonder… how?

  35. It’s interesting reading everyone’s perspectives!

    For me the clarity comes from taking action. Some things that I originally wanted (like the type of business I wanted to be in or even being in business for myself) took a different shape as I started moving in the direction of my dreams.

    So, I think the key is to take action even if you are not absolutely certain what you want. The clarity will come in the process.

    And starting a business is the best way to achieve that. Entrepreneurship it is all about self discovery. For me, anyway :).

    • Hi Natasha,

      As someone who is really keen on self-discovery, doing ‘the work’, uncovering the layers of fear and living from a place where I extend as much love as possible, for me, your words about entrepreneurship being a journey of self-discovery absolutely hit the nail on the head.

      Thank you!

  36. Great input everyone!

    Another great way of getting clear on what you want is really honestly asking yourself who lives a life you are secretly envious of- and ask yourself what is it that makes you envy their life? Is it because they have their own successful biz and love what they do? Perhaps they have a really strong relationship and are a fab mother. The very thing you see in their life and wish you had is what you really want!

  37. Oh man, this was me throughout my 20s. So lost, always disappointed, constantly feeling like I was falling short in those 3 areas Alison expressed longing for: career, relationships and beh-behs.
    At some point, I hit near-rock-bottom (nothing too dramatic, but definitely the bottom of my own barrel of comfort and acceptance, if that makes sense.) I was living in a TINY apartment alone with 2 cats and 3 fish, I was semi-dating a jerk who didn’t really like me and I was a receptionist. At 28, I was starting to think these good things would never happen, and I would basically be a cat-lady for life. Looking back that was silly…but at the time, it seemed plausible.

    At some point, I must have snapped and I became really clear about what I wanted. I went on a date with a really nice and very handsome guy I met online and had chatted with several times, but had yet to meet in person. We went for coffee and immediately hit it off.

    Well, turns out that he was the catalyst for all the change I needed. He saw what I was capable of, and was the first person to make me go for everything I wanted. He was the first person who encouraged me to be risky, and although these are your words, Marie, he essentially said “Everything is figure-outable”. (You’d like him, Marie!)

    3 years later, I run a company I adore, we’re madly in love, and expecting our first child. I am so stinking happy!

    Sometimes it helps to have just one person really believe in you.

    BUT (it’s just a little but)…here’s what I struggle with after the fact: once you get what you longed for, how do you redefine your dreams? Do I start projecting my first 5-figure day? Do I dream of a feature article in Vogue? Do I start dreaming of more kids, on a ranch with alpacas and goats!? (Well, I guess all that is what I want, right?)

    I’m stuck between being thankful for what I have, and wanted more, more, more!

    Total luxury problem.

    • I love your brand and I love this story. Thanks for sharing.

      I am too young and unaccomplished to have personally REALLY struggled with your issue of redefining dreams once old ones are reached. Maybe when I’m 30! I’ve been under the impression for most of my life that fulfillment really comes from when you give of yourself to others in a way that resonates best with you (even if you’re NOT doing it in a way that resonates with you, giving to others makes you more fulfilled). So I have been focused on THAT. That is my ultimate dream which will always be in need of being accomplished. What do you think??

      Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to teach yoga to homeless people… something about taking care of the poor (and people who are poor in areas that I am abundant in like self-care and passion) in a meaningful way (not just putting money in their bucket and donating money “to africa” is not the same… people don’t really need money, they need your LOVE and presence. You can’t just throw money at problems) realllllly is on my heart lately.

  38. Spot on! Good reminder that behavior and language must be consistent. I really enjoy your weekly videos because they get right to the point. Thank you for getting my day started with an inspiring message.

  39. Excellent, thought-provoking question. (It must be Tuesday!) : )

    I don’t get caught up in the “I don’t know what I want” trap very often anymore. For the last few years I’ve been writing down my yearly goals, and each month, my monthly goals, and each day I review them all. I don’t always achieve them all, but I’m crystal clear on what they are!

    I know what I want; my greater challenge has been going after it despite my fear of failure or rejection. I’m very clear about what my ideal life looks like, and I take steps every day to get there, but there are times I could be taking bigger steps. ; )

    So yesterday I did.

    A few weeks ago I was out for a glass of wine with one of my best girlfriends, who works in fundraising for the the hospital where I live. We ran into some people from the hospital marketing dept. at the wine bar and my friend introduced me to them. As I got to talking with the hospital Director of Marketing and PR, she asked me what I did, so I shared that I write copy and do social media marketing for creative small businesses. She was very interested in the writing copy part, because her dept often hires freelancers to help them with their work load. I didn’t have a business card to give her at the time, but we talked informally about me sharing my contact info with my friend the hospital fundraiser, who would then pass it on to this person so we could continue the conversation and see if I might be able to do some writing for them.

    That was several weeks ago, and even though my friend kept reminding me to send her the info, and shared with me that the hospital marketing dept is overwhelmed with work right now and really, really needs to find some freelance help for upcoming projects, I kept not forwarding her my contact info and writing samples, etc. I told myself this was b/c, “I have enough work right now, I’m already working 40 hours per week on current client projects,” and “I don’t really want to write web copy for the hospital, that’s not my target market, I work with creatives.”

    But the truth is I WAS interested in the project, b/c another client/another project would mean more $$$ and more contacts in my rolodex. (My biz is still very young, so I’m not at the point yet where I can turn down opportunities, even if the peeps aren’t my exact customer avatar.) Plus, I was actually excited about this opportunity, even though it hospital web copy.

    When I really dug deep, I realized I had some fear of following through on this because I might not be able to produce the kind of work they want, and what will that mean about my still new biz? When I took an honest look at my internal dialog, I realized it was this: “What if they really are interested in working with me and respond positively to a casual ‘we should talk further, when you like to meet’ email? Then what if they ask for my writing samples? And then want to set up a meeting? I mean, this is the marketing dept. for the biggest employer in town, everyone in that dept are PR and marketing heavyhitters, superstars,” etc.

    Well, all of that did happen. Yesterday. I got over my fear and sent the email, they responded positively, they asked for writing samples, and we set up a meeting. And even if I don’t get the work, I know it will be because my services aren’t a good match for their project, NOT because I don’t measure up in some way, or lack talent, or any of those other false limiting beliefs. I gotta tell ya, it feels great to do the thing you fear and get it a positive result!

    So yes, I have experienced the power that comes from being clear on what I want and going after it, despite my fears. And each time you do this, it’s gets easier, and then pretty soon you’re putting yourself out there for all kinds of things you never imagined you would, and not just in the business arena either. I highly recommend the “feel the fear and do it anyway” philosophy — it’s pretty wonderous. : )

    • Kimberly,

      Wow! You did it! Well done – what a fantastic demonstration of courage. I really hear that it feels GOOD to step through the fear and take a step. I can also really relate; my fledgling business is starting to pick up momentum and I can feel myself pushing away from the shore of what I know.

      Here’s to our inevitable success 🙂

      • Hi there Elloa,

        Thanks for your nice comments.

        It’s so true, isn’t it? As scary as it is, it feels amazing when you start to break through.

        Yes, here’s to our inevitable (wow – love that!) success! : )


  40. Hi Marie, loved today’s episode – and the superhero belt!

    I agree with what you said. I feel that most people become so frustrated and use the phrase ‘I don’t know what I want’ because they haven’t gotten what they wanted in the past. This can lead to making you think you’re unworthy and you can’t get what you want in the future — because, it hasn’t happened before.

    A tip I’ve shared with others is to make a list of the things you know you DON’T want. I’m sure people can do this without problem. I suggest 3 areas.

    Once you create this list and have total clarity on what you don’t want, it’s time to reverse the list. Look for the opposite. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that are the most effective.

    Enjoy the mastermind retreat.

  41. Name it to claim it… that is exactly what needs to happen. We need to bring those forgotten dreams to light. We need to dig deep into that cellar of our being and draw out those old, dormant wants, shine them up and put them on a shelf where we can see them!

    It took me over 20 years to name it and claim it! A professor in college planted a seed that finally sprouted and started growing just 2 years ago. In January, I “named it” and in July, I walked away from a lucrative career in corporate American to “claim it”. Sure… it’s scary… but it’s mine and I look forward to the new adventure every day!

  42. It’s all about clarity baby. We can talk ourselves into a lot of stuff. We don’t even truly want.
    Safe Travels!!!!

  43. Katie Peck


    Really loved it and sooo timely. Thank you.

    Enjoy your retreat!


  44. thank you Marie! I feel like you are talking to ME every week. I’ve made a big career change and although I’ve gained a ton more confidence than when I began, I’m dealing with some type of fear everyday. Worried that I can’t do this or do it “right.” You give me the support I need and slowly I’m going from fear to excitement about every new opportunity. thank you, thank you for being you.

  45. My challenge with knowing what I want and going for it. I find that the more I think about it all the more overwhelmed I become. Getting quiet and identifying a few things that I can do immediately gets me going. The steps get easier. When I feel the fear, I take a lesson from a course I took and I “Do It Anyway”.

    I am learning through B-School and the amazing support groups made up of the positive women I have met that its okay to have doubts and fears. When you put them down on paper and share them with this group, they don’t carry as much fear, and the women you meet bring a whole new way of looking at it. This whole B-School Universe is an amazing gift that keeps providing a new layer of inspiration, encouragement, and support,

  46. It’s amazing. I think this is THE question that continually comes up for many people. The underlying issue is fear. And that translates into stopping even thinking about what you want.
    I think that it’s important to just take action towards the things you want. I have an idea about what I want and I can see the final vision of where I want to be, but in the end the how is irrelevant. Just take small steps – small wins – towards the life you want and open yourself up to opportunity. Once you actually start paying attention to others, do nice things and continually pat yourself on the back (and even acknowledge your crappy thoughts and then move on), you will grow into the person and life you want.
    Just don’t expect it overnight. You’ve got to work for it and put yourself and your thoughts out there.
    I also agree with an earlier comment about identifying those things/companies/people you admire and figure out why. And then figure out a way to reach out to them and pick their brain. The worst they can say is no.
    Keep up the great work Marie!

  47. Pamela

    Hi Marie!

    Thank you so much for making yourself available to hear us all out! What an amazing video! Like so many, I do know what I want, sadly in my case I had it once, then became very ill. After 8 years of rehabilitation and figuring things out with my health, I can now see myself doing more. Since I already had it once, I know what it feels like, but I’m so scared to try, because it remindes me of my halting crash and everything slipping through my fingers and all the while watching it disappear with me not being able to do anything about it. I now know what to do with my health, but that fear is so debilitating!

    With this video I’m going to make my first steps in making those things again possible! Face my fears head on as so many have suggested!

    Just wanted to say Thank You!

  48. Oh my gosh I’ve been struggling with this big time lately. I have a full time job that I don’t feel passionate about (in fact, I feel passive in it, which is probably the worst place to be). I also have a part time job that I LOVE & my blog/handmade business as well. We’ve been thinking about kids lately, but I know I can’t keep up with all 3 jobs with a baby, so admitting that what I want to do is have a baby & just do my own business & my part time job is tough. They aren’t that glamorous or look very “special” on paper…

    I also have an idea for a web-published guide & consulting business related to what I do in my part time job… I just stumbled across the idea a couple weeks ago, so it’s still in brainstorm mode, but figuring this out is making me excited for the possibility of it working. (When I told my husband about it though, he said, just what you need… another job…)

  49. EK

    I know what I want in every area of my life – that’s not the problem.

    My problem is I wonder every day if it’s realistic. It’s definitely within the realm of possibility – no doubt. But will it actually happen? Maybe. Maybe not.

    This often leaves me feeling icky. Part of me is saying, ‘Go for it!’ And I am. I work hard at my goals every day. But another part of me is saying, ‘Go for it, but have a back-up plan in case it doesn’t turn out as you’d hoped.’ What’s a gal to do? At what point should a person start compromising their dreams? Perhaps y’all can advise me…

  50. I think our dreams change over time. When you’re young, life is filled with so many possibilities and your responsibilities are few. Then as you become older, these conditions switch. For the over 40 crowd, trying to figure out what we want IS the big challenge. Many of us started out as young twenty-somethings with big dreams. Now, we’ve either checked them off the list or given up on them as reality has set in.

    As a busy mom who’s already had my own business … as well as the opportunity to stay home with my kids in recent years … I’m left trying to figure out what comes next. The difference today is I don’t only have myself to consider. I have a busy family, limited time, limited resources, and far less energy than I did as a younger person. I still have dreams but the older, wiser me knows how difficult those new mountains are to climb … and I’m exhausted.

    I love the energy and enthusiasm of your fans, Marie. But, what about those of us who are trying to re-invent ourselves after having already accomplished our earlier dreams or lived with their disappointment? Starting over is far more difficult when you’re older, and sometimes you don’t even know what you truly want anymore. Many of us (forty-plus) have tried our hand at a variety of new “dreams” only to give up on them because the challenge was overwhelming. We long for the energy and enthusiasm (and naivety) of youth. We do still dream, but we know the work that goes into successfully accomplishing that dream and we become more hesitant. It’s not so much about fear as it is about being more experienced and realistic.

    I think later in life, we need to discover ways to re-kindle our forgotten passions–some of which have been smothered for many years–or even find the space to discover new passions. As our kids become more independent and leave the nest, we are again able to focus on ourselves and it can be a great opportunity for growth. The hardest part is often figuring out what those passions are and then realistically assessing our commitment level so that we don’t set ourselves up for disappointment. And then, we need websites like yours, Marie, to keep us motivated with youthful enthusiasm! Hmmm, I think I just figured out my next blog post…

  51. Hey Marie & Marie-lovers!

    The Universe truly is incredible!!! For most of my life I’ve been plagued with indecision and stuck in panic over the multitude of life choices at my fingertips. Just last night, through the amazing guidance of a friend, I finally acknowledged what I want OUT LOUD and I officially chose that path – taking my lifestyle empowerment blog to the next level and getting paid to write it full-time. And then this morning I wake up to this video in my inbox – unbelievable! Can’t wait for what’s next! It was both scary and liberating to come to that space in my mind, let alone to declare it out loud. He encouraged me to keep sharing with people OUT LOUD (and not with any doubtful disclaimers attached, as we women are so good at using). What I realized is that I’ve never fully given myself permission to take the leap toward what I truly want. I know how stifling and exhausting it is to be caught up in indecision – I spent years stuck in that space and it was very painful. I would recommend to anyone to set aside all your preconceived ideas and “reasons” about why you think you can’t have that thing or even your concern about how you’re going to get it. Just choose it and begin aligning your actions accordingly. For me, I’m 33 and living at home with my mom after years of being fully independent, so I have my story about needing to get a “real job” and be responsible. It took so much to actively set that aside and give myself permission to take that leap toward my dream. My assignment is to spend today creating my life – what does it look like? I’ll be finally finishing the vision board I started years ago, creating a detailed love vision, and mapping out what I really want for myself. When I really think about it, I DO know what I want. As Marie said, you probably do too. Don’t be afraid to say it and go for it. Declaring is what makes it all real. And if you’re really stuck, just choose something and try it… that’s so much more freeing and powerful than staying paralyzed. There’s no right answer, just choice. I wish I would’ve seen this video 10+ years ago. I’m off to create my fabulous life!

    Thank you Marie!!!!!!!!


  52. Bons

    I am not kidding when I say I have been asking myself (very seriously) the past 8 days (and years for that matter). I am determined to find out what I want to do careerwise. I know what I don’t want, which helps determine what I do want, but I am still hazy and unclear on what exactly it is that I should be doing with my life.

    I know that sitting at a desk and doing work that is not meaningful is not it. I know driving a business and working for me and the things I believe in is really appealing and is something I am passionate about, but I am unclear on what I can offer to people that could be a business.

    I will say I have been reading Chris Guillebeau’s books and they have helped a lot as have all of the information on here.

    I am so determined, motivated, and ready to execute, just need to know what to execute.

  53. Ooh, another thing I realized is that we fear acknowledging what we really want because then we have to be RESPONSIBLE FOR IT! Declaring is scary because then it becomes real and we risk “looking bad” if we fail. Then we have to act and sometimes we say we want something but we’re afraid to do what it takes to make it happen.

    The things that keep me on track:
    -There is no failure in choosing.
    -The scariest thing to me is imaging my last moments of life spent wondering why the hell I never did that thing I really wanted to do. That keeps my fears in check.

    Good luck everyone!

  54. Karen

    I’m a new follower of Marie, and so far I am absolutely loving the amazing energy and enthusiasm that is here, flowing out of everyone!

    Sometimes I wish I could just “freeze” my life – stop time for just a bit – so I could actually slow down long enough to figure my life out…but my problem is that I am always being pulled in a thousand directions by everyone else and never have any time for me. I am a nurse, in a very complex role (suffice it to say that I have about 20 masters and have to answer to an awful lot of people who all want me to be doing something different than the others want – so I spend my days surrounded by negative, angry, bullies who all think they have the right to dictate my every move).

    I went into nursing because I love helping people, and I am a really good teacher. I help to calm people’s fears. I help them make sense of complicated medical procedures, I help them make sense of their condition, and I help them feel like they still have some control over what direction they want to move in, despite the fact that they have cancer. I know this is important work, and I am grateful to even be allowed into their lives on such an intimate level. It’s a true privilege…

    But I’m not happy.

    I struggle because as I mentioned before, I’m surrounded by all this negative energy (from the doctors, other nurses, non-clinical superiors) and it’s really weighing me down. It doesn’t leave a lot of room or energy to focus on the positive things I bring to my patients – because I have to spend 90% of my time dealing with non-patients who all seem to hate life and want to make everyone else around them just as miserable as they are.

    I struggle because I know I have a gift to share with the world, and I want to do something worthwhile and beautiful.

    I want to help people – but I would love to be able to do it more on my terms, instead of feeling like I’m the token mule for everyone I work with.

    I feel as if my “true life’s purpose” is just barely out of reach…like when you can’t quite think of the right word to use in a sentence but it’s right there on the tip of your tongue…

    I think I need to watch this video at least a half dozen times, and maybe something will finally “click” and open up inside me so I can finally discover what it is I am meant to do. Right now things just feel “off”…

    But I’m trying to stay positive because I know I have a HUGE heart and so much compassion for others. I just KNOW there has to be something bigger and more important for me to be doing. And I don’t even mean “more important” as in “more recognition for me” – but rather, more important in that it fulfills a purpose by truly bringing a positive addition(s) to someone else’s life.

    • Hi Karen,
      I just read your comment now as Marie reposted this video on FB. I am also a nurse, but quit clinical work because of the stress and negative energy, and no time to really educate and teach patients. I totally hear where you’re coming from and just wanted to tell you to hang in there, there are other avenues to pursue. You could, for instance, look into health coaching. This is something I’ve developed an interest in (or I should say, the field almost seems to have developed as a reflection of many of the things i’ve always been interested in). Just try doing something outside of work that you enjoy and see where it starts taking you or what new thoughts develop in your head.

  55. You hit the spot on this one Marie. I think I truly knew what I wanted when I was in high school but pretty much ignored it. My parents told me I wouldn’t make money in that field and I listened to them. I followed the path of money, and here I was this year unhappier than ever. Something just hasn’t been right all this time. This year I decided to follow my voice. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have started my inspirational platform which I knew deep down that I loved to inspire people but I just never knew what I could do with it. But now I have something going for me and things are looking good and most importantly I FEEL good and I feel in my element! And you are to thank for that!!

  56. Jevgenia Dotsenko

    Hey, Marie. I used to fall into that, but now I am pretty attentive and try not to fall into this trap. Cause it is really important to honestly speak to yourself about things you want and things you dont.

  57. Oh.My.God… SHE-RA!!! Twin to He-Man & Queen of kicking *ss! Sad to say that when we first accessed Amazon’s instant videos for my 4-yo daughter, I was more excited that old She-Ra episodes were there. 😉

    OK, back to Q&A Tuesday… I constantly get caught up in the “I don’t know what I want” game when I know the answer deep down. I think we’re all a little afraid (or super afraid) of being true to ourselves for fear of rejection, guilt, failure, or even success! It’s amazing how easy being yourself can be once you accept who “yourself” is. Accepting, of course, is much harder, but well worth the work. I’m certainly still working on it!

  58. julie

    your question is perfect for me today! I woke up this morning knowing that I don’t want my current career anymore as its not nourishing or uplifting me. myquesiton now is what do i want? I am not afraid to change or do something different i just dont know what! the answer may be inside of me but i dont know what it is!!

  59. I know exactly how Alison feels, and I find myself often still feeling this way, but I do agree with Marie that deep down we all know what we want. Whenever I fixate on my deepest desires, what usually comes up for me is a mix of love and passion for those dreams as well as the fear of not having what it takes to make them happen. I think overall the greatest gift in this whole process of coming into your own and making your life a success is patience. It’s a proverbial muscle that us entrepreneurs need to stretch everyday. I find that when I’m patient and relaxed the best things in life come my way i.e. happiness, fulfillment and a deep sense of purpose that vibrates all the way to my core. As challenging as it may be to stay patient, I try to get back into that mode as much as I can because the benefits of having those ultra positive emotions shine through is just the greatest and ultimately what I want my life to be about. Thanks for this awesome episode, Marie, and as always, I look forward to seeing next week’s MarieTV.

  60. Great video today.

    It really helps to sit for a moment and think about what you really want. Not just the obvious, career, money, family, but the WHY you want it.
    Why do you want to make a ton of money, it’s not as obvious as we think, I think. 😉 Everybody has different reason and motivation.

    For me it was really important to realize that by wanting to make a lot of money what I really wanted was to create time freedom. And that has put me on my path to create online programs that can be leveraged. Which I am working on now.

    Bliss. 🙂

  61. Dorota

    Thanxxxxx ! :)) Video is amazing… n i’ve written one of Ur quotes on one of my walls o.O haha keeps me thinking positively 😀 “It doesn’t take talent or luck to suceed u just need to decide ^^”

  62. I had a friend who had a magnet on his fridge that said “YOU ALWAYS KNOW”. That always pops into my heads when I catch myself saying I don’t know. I do always know! And it seems the only time I try to talk myself into thinking I DON’T know, is when I know I have to give something, some place or someONE up in order to grasp the brass ring. Giving up old habits, old patterns and even old relationships is hard, but it’s SOOOO much harder to stay in a situation that doesn’t resonate with who you really are.

    Go get ’em, gals 🙂 You KNOW!!

  63. Phoebe

    Yes. I keep getting trapped somewhere between “I have no clue what I want”, and realizing that I already have what I want, I just want a little extra to add to it, and I want it all, guilt free – and feel “worthy”.
    I also fear actually “Figuring it out”… because I would then have to do what there is to do, to make it happen.
    I don’t know what the “ONE” thing is that I “would do anything” for. What do I feel THAT strongly about?! I don’t k now.
    and how do I choose “ONE” thing from a zillion. (yes, that’s exaggerated, but some days, it doesn’t feel like it is).
    And I contradict myself ALL THE TIME.

  64. Caro Je

    I just found out what was blocking me from going after any thing I wanted to experience… (it was this weekend, actually..)
    And its such a relief: that moment you realize that you are so afraid of the power you have, that you are even afraid of making your dreams come true… of knowing that you can have it all…
    So you start believing that voice that lies to you.. saying you don´t deserve any of those things.. in that moment, the moment you ACCEPT you are afraid of your own power and that you must use it… you feel free to dream..
    That just happened to me.. 😀

  65. Melanie Hoffman-Aguilar

    Great Q&A as always, it’s always refreshing to hear that others are right in the same place that I am. I am totally clear on what I want, but obtaining and taking the steps to get there is a whole other ball game. I have been in the process of starting my gluten free bakery and though I get a great response on my product, I have yet to make my first sale. I am sharing a commercial kitchen right now and the responses I get are “where are you located, so we can try some of your products.” Starting off small and building my business was my initial goal, but I feel like I have hit a road block.

    My fears are not based on failing, but of succeeding to the point where I don’t know how I would handle it. And sticking my neck out there with all of the overhead (rent, equipment, utilities, etc.) kinda scares me too. Is that a condtradiction? Anyway, I have planned an amazing trip for my 40th bday in a couple of weeks and I am praying for some clarity and decision making for what I really want my future to look like.

    Much love, and thanks again for all of your inspirational tidbits!

  66. Alla Petcheniouk

    oh wey… this topic has my name all over it… or I better say, HAD my name 😉
    As a good Russian daughter to good Russian parents I grew up with no doubts or second guessing about my MA degree. I have to have it, no matter what. And my parents always used to say, afterwards you can do with your life whatever you want. yeeeaaaahhhh…
    The question came up after I graduated from the 23rd university of the world in my third language… WHAT THE EFFF DO I WANT TO DO IN MY LIFE???
    It took me 2 years, a marriage, a divorce, moving to the amazing city called New York and buckets and buckets of tears and melt and break downs, meditations, yoga, countless books and amazingly supportive friends until I finally gave in and returned to the thought that my early life interest in politics, countless biographies of female politicians (I adore Hillary 😉 is actually it. How I got there? The moment I read about Marianne Williamson’s Sister Giant project, the voice in my head said “This is your life. This is your chance. I work with Marianne on Sister giant.”
    Mind you, I have been on a conscious search since January this year, so it did not happen over night. I believe that Universe was preparing and guiding me over these months, because now I have the strength and courage to believe that I can do it as opposed to even 2 months ago.
    It has been my biggest wish to finally discover what my purpose in life is and now I am beyond grateful that Im on my way to start my journey. I love my life.
    Thank you Marie, for all these months of support, I discovered you through Gabby Bernstein and watch your videos every week. Love what you do and how you do it and who your are. Thank you.
    All my love to you,

  67. For years I had secretly wanted to write, travel and be of service to others, Oh…and also learn to Spanish. The thing is that I had everything that everyone, including my mom, believed and preached were the things that determined whether or not you were successful in life; A good job, a big house, a car, latest and greatest furniture…

    Every time I thought about what I really wanted, I felt ashamed, judging myself for wanting something more than what I already had.

    My mind would wonder and I would imagine what it would be like if I actually did it. At this point, I would make all kinds of excuses as why it making a change was impossible. Not just any excuses, I had found the best excuses ever that actually made me look like a “Really Good” person. Things like, I can’t go and leave my nieces and nephews behind. I want to be here for them. I can’t disappoint my mom after everything she sacrificed for me. Truth is, I was NOT the goody little person I made myself to be. I was using all these excuses to hide behind the REAL reason: I was afraid! Afraid of losing what was familiar to me, afraid of the unknown.

    My biggest step was accepting that I was afraid, naming it. I realized that all the things I owned, were taking up my energy and money and keeping me away from what I really wanted.

    I asked myself, what is the worst thing that could happen if I went ahead with this “crazy” idea? Turns out, it was not as bad as I had imagined LOL. So, I took tiny baby steps towards making it happen. Guess what? People thought I had completely lost my mind!! Trying to talk some sense into me. I also realized that they were also speaking through their own fears. Actually, once the shock was over, they were pretty happy for me and started saying how courageous I was.

    So, I took tiny baby steps, quit my job, sold ALL my belongings and started traveling across South America. When I started, I still did not have it all figured out, I still don’t and YES, I am still afraid. Difference is, now I do not let my fear make my decisions and it has become easier getting through the struggles. Today, I launched my website, my personal coaching program and am very proud to say I am fluent in Spanish:) I am still learning, it has not been easy, especially adapting to different culturals, but, this experience has made me discover and understand so much about myself and I have met so many truly inspiring people along the way, that now, whenever I am afraid, I know it is a good thing, it means I am about to enter an unknown.

  68. I love the discussion;
    After graduating from college 2years ago, I knew what I wanted but then, I searched for approval from the wrong people. I was messed up for 1year. That was before I listened to the audio book by Vijay Eswaran titled ‘In the sphere of silence.’ Here one is required to dedicate 1hour each day before or after the sunrise in silence. Here, you reflect on what you did the previous day(10) and lessons learn’t(10), what you will during the day(10), a reading an inspirational book(20) and your plans for the week. The last 10minutes of the practice is dedicated to prayer or communion. Praying for what you have noted down to do during the day on your notebook. I have experienced tremendous change over the past year using the system and my business has grown from $100 a month to $700 a month sometimes over $1000. Thanks for every who have shared on this blog.


  69. We do know what we want, but most people express it in what they don’t want. and they keep focusing on what they don’t want, so they can’t allow the events that are waiting to unfold that will enable them to get what they do want. when I worry, which is just focusing on something I don’t want, I turn my thoughts to what I am grateful for. Being still is important as well, because if what we want is at the center, we have to find the stillness inside for us to recognize it. this can be done by time alone, long walks, meditating, driving, whatever it is for each person, that quiet time to contemplate and let the desires bubble up, and we know it’s right, by how it makes us feel. Love your energy Marie, now I’m going surfing.

  70. Ginny


    I have spent time with myself and put in sweat equity in order to find what is truly at the center of my being, my deepest desire, my soul’s door (as I like to call it). I stand blessed to say that I Know what my Desire is.

    My Desire is to be an Integral Being Sharing and Creating Intentionally with Our World. WAIT WAIT WAIT?!? (what’d she say?!?) I know. It sounds a bit too left field, but let me lay a concrete foundation…..

    I have been fortunate enough to experience many things in my life (I am 24). I have been a mother, a soldier, a wife, a librarian, an activist, a writer, a photographer, a pianist, a (CERTIFIED) cook. I have pursued life with much zeal and enthusiasm. BUT, as I have learned (AND DO EVERY DAY), Nature seeks Balance, and I stuck my hand a little too far into the cookie jar, producing experiences such as: rape, cutting, OD, NUMEROUS hospitalizations, physical/emotional abuse (years of it), homelessness, TRUE HUNGER.

    I have learned that in this day and age One must guard what is precious like never before. I CAN DO THIS by giving my whole self a chance (mental, physical, social, spiritual, etc.), really taking a look at what it takes to be a function part of a greater whole. The beautiful part to me, what inspires me and drives me forward, is that my Desire to be Whole (to function on the microcosmic level) reflects the divinity of the Macrocosm.

    Today, NOW, I WAKE and WORK towards that DAILY, in the little and big things. I make sure I am fed, that I have provided food, water, shelter AND LOVE for myself. I take care of my mental capacity by getting sleep, taking my medications, journaling, etc. I foster my families relationships lovingly and to the best of my ability, putting open communication first. I volunteer within my community (it is called CELEBRATE, and it is a group of about 100 people who have any sort of hurt, hang-up for habit; I greet and pray with them, and of course JOIN IN!!) I discovered not only my Desire, but also that now there is much Action called for.

    Most of all, when really Seeing what I Desire, I also see that when I CHANGE the way I SEE things, the things I LOOK at CHANGE. I may feel sometimes like a victim or that I don’t have what I NEED, but when I take a deep look inside myself, I see that I am the Survivor, and I March onward.

  71. I know this is not healthy but the first thing I do before getting out of bed is to check my e-mails. I’m glad I did that today, when I read the title of today’s episod, I thought wow this is my answer from the universe. I was frustrated the whole day yesterday feeling like a failure, my husband’s reaction to that was “You feel that way because you don’t know what you want and you have no idea where you want to go next”! I thought wow he is right but I couldn’t accept it. Deep down I knew that I had covered this before and it should be somewhere hiding between all those fears and struggles that goes with being an entrepreneur.

    Thank you Marie for clearing this for me, now I just have to dig deep and be brave to own it.

    Your belt rocks by the way!

  72. a friend

    Sometimes we must TRUST that all is happening in perfect timing.
    When attracting what you want, if one gets attached to HOW it is going to happen then we close out the possibility of the desire happening even greater then you ever imagined. When feeling stuck it is important to focus on what you want and if you follow Abraham Hicks you can say “I want to know what I want”. if you stay stuck in trying to figure it out then your paddling upstream…….when focusing on what you want and the feelings that you want to feel –that is how you can get that boat in the flow of downstream. statements I want to feel …….Freedom, Fun and all the magical red carpet of positivity opening up for me. How does it get any better then that? And when you feel bad? ask the question what can i do to feel a tiny bit better and the mind will search for answers to give you the clarity you seek. Remember “should is the stick we use to beat ourselves up with” so “don’t should on yourself”. 30 is young. Kentucky Fried Chicken didn’t get his recipes bought until he was 60 after visiting a 1000 or so stores. Trust the path and have fun along the way and be willing to fail. 🙂 love to you.

  73. I did not know what I wanted to be when I grew up. My big what was around career. I have finally found that career. I help women heal IBS and their digestive issues ( and I wanted to do this for 7 years, however my confidence was not there so I told myself that it wasn’t really want I wanted to do and it wasn’t possible for me. I’ve spent a long time working on my confidence and when I was finally there, the business just birthed itself. I have never had so much energy in my life to build this business.

  74. Marie – You are awesome! You are speaking to me this morning, I was feeling the q so much! Thank you for helping me move in the right direction and get my head straight! 🙂

    Love you!!


  75. julie

    interestingly I have just had a conversation based on today’s question thst has evolved into what I want and it is not what I thought at all!!!! Thank you for the prod into thiunking about the next step for me 🙂 awesome!

  76. Hi Marie, thanks for the A. As always it is so very applicable for all of us. I just wanted to mention that the whole I don’t know what I want thing can be a good sign – it often happens on the eve of big change or great things, when we have the most to “lose” and our fear kicks in with this trickery. Maybe you’ve just met someone great or had a new career path open for you? That’s when I always second guess my everything and put on the “I don’t really know…”

  77. Mia

    Marie! This is Awesome! I love the wisdom that you shared in this video.
    Own what you want!
    Love, Mia

  78. Margie

    I thought this clip was awesome. I like how you took a step back from the issue “I don’t know what I want” and instead saw how this woman knew exactly what she wanted but is creating new confusions to distract herself with. I’ve done exactly this.

    I wanted to go to grad school, have a career in something I’m passionate about, and have good relationships but I feel like I don’t know how to get there so I run in circles finding work to just get by instead of taking action steps forward. I worry that those steps could be wrong but I realize I need to take the step, see how far it gets me, and navigate around if things don’t go as planned.

    Thanks for the video!

  79. Shee-Ra belt??!! That was just about the best little 3 seconds of youtube gold, EVER!


  80. Hi Marie,

    Another great video for everyone… including us guys out there! 😉 I came up with a strategy that has helped me over the years to get exactly what I want. Simply, start general and then go deep.

    First, “Lean into it” – meaning that you simply take a few steps in the directions of your desired outcome, take a class, discuss it with a close friend, do some research. Then, gain momentum and pick up speed by getting really, really focussed on the details.

    Imagine that you’ve always wanted to visit Italy (for example), start by buying the guidebook and an Italian phrasebook, then go deep. Pick out exactly the hotels that you would stay at. What would be the best time of year? What flights and connections would you make on your journey over there? What famous places would you see, what exactly would you do to fill your days (e.g. relax at the coffee shops versus tour the museums.) Finally, commit to the trip by buying an airline ticket (non-refundable!)

    So, starting general and then getting really, really detailed has helped me sooo much to get what I want, in life and in business.

    Keep up the great work, we luv ya!

    Michael Joseph

  81. The belt! LOVE!!! <3

    Marie, thanks for the reminder that everything we need to know is already inside our hearts. It made me realize that I forgot to allow my mind the space to get quiet today. Which totally explains why I was all over the place with my work. 🙂

  82. i am loving this discussion, sisters. as i always say, every woman is most afraid of her desires. often we have not even permitted ourselves to imagine what we truly long for…

    marie, love how you always slice through the BS and encourage a woman to go for her dreams, despite the fear and frustration. rock on, baby

  83. I love that I’m commenting after Mama Gena on this one, because that is one lady who knows what she wants and goes after it with gusto!

    I wanted to add that sometimes it helps to look around and see what might be triggering you or inspiring you. I know that seeing others who are kicking butt in life really inspires me to up my game or to want what they’re going after or already have. It’s also useful to look at our jealously, because a lot of times what we’re jealous of is what we want for ourselves.

    I’ve found that surrounding myself with people who know what they want and who celebrate when they get it… really helps me keep doing the same for myself too!

  84. Melissa

    Hi Marie,

    Loved this episode, but I have to ask… If I DO know what I want, why can I not really focus on what that is? I love so many things and I have talents in several areas… I’ve been in corporate work for about 6 months now and it’s eating my heart. I am having trouble staying connected, due to the “security” it provides… benefits for my children and me, a steady paycheck… How do I find what I truly want to do, jump, and do well ($$$)??? Your reader today knew what she wanted… I feel stuck!
    S.O.S. 🙂


    • Bee

      You’re not the only one. Me too! I usually feel a bit left out when I go to Marie’s videos like she glosses over the real issues that I need to work on. 🙁 I’m no delicate flower but some of the things I’m passionate about have nothing to do with making money and at 45 I’m getting a little frustrated with myself after doing so much inner work and still not knowing what type of business I want to pursue or how to pursue it. I feel you, Carolyn Myss said something that helped a little and she said not to get our purpose in life confused with making a living because they are two totally different things sometimes but that still does not answer the question of how to be very successful at something we love that truly supports us. Wish Marie would have taken the time to answer the question for the rest of us who really need some direction.

      • Manal

        Ditto! Thank you ladies for posting. You are not the only ones xoxo

      • Hey there, Melissa and Bee!

        I felt completely compelled to reach out when I read your comments.

        First off, I totally feel ya! I’m a month away from 42 and I’m JUST learning what it is I LOVE. Not ‘like’, or ‘am good at’… but what totally makes my little ol’ heart light up like a blingy disco ball.

        I did a sh*t ton of inner work. You name it… meditation, Kundalini, yoga, worked with teachers-mentor-gurus, read self-help books, journaled, strategy sessions with intensional woman, circle labs, workshops, and the list could seriously go on!

        What I learned from all this was that sometimes we just have to get sh*t done and TAKE ACTION on what FEELS good to do. Period.

        I’m a fitness and wellness coach, and I’m really freakin’ good at it. One day I made a list of the things I love to do (not like — LOVE). Then, without allowing my head to jump in and question, “How the heck are you going to make money doing that?”, I allowed myself to breathe deeply, relax and ask myself, “What lights my heart up?”

        I realized I LOVE writing. I LOVE connecting people. I LOVE telling stories. I LOVE sharing inspiring people with my community. I LOVE adventurous activities and sharing the experiences with others. I LOVE creative projects. I LOVE the ocean. I LOVE bracelets. I LOVE traveling.

        What do any of these things have to do with fitness?


        So, I began taking bracelet making classes. I began experimenting with making bracelets out of plastic bags and fishing line because I could. I began volunteering with Adventure Film Festival and Colorado Ocean Coalition. I made new adventure-driven friends to go on adventures with — like rock climbing! I started writing, even if it sucked. I signed up for Toastmasters to learn how to speak in public and tell better stories. I reached out to young, high-potentials with vision and asked if I could take them out for coffee because I wanted to hear THIER story, without complaining about my lack of clarity. I embraced Uncertainty and asked it, “What do you want me to learn?”

        It was in taking action without gripping for an outcome that I’ve began finding my tribe. And what I actually get super excited about. The answers of how I’m going to make a “living” from all this will come. I trust this even if I can’t see the serendipitous opportunities around the corner. I surrender to not having answers (yet).

        My mantra has become, “Trust. Surrender. Stay open to all possibilities…”

        In the mean time, the quality of my life has improved to the umpteenth power! I’m happy. I wake up jazzed. And opportunities are quickly blossoming all around me, even when things don’t turn out exactly as I plan.

        I guess what my heart wants to share with you ladies is get out there and just DO what lights up your heart! Without attachment to “how” you will make a living from it.

        Start with one something super small. For me, it started with creating posts on facebook of life lessons I was learning. And volunteering for two weekend events where I was around a tribe that inspired something in me and allowed me to dream and hear thrilling stories.

        11 months later my life is wonderFULLY closer to ‘the life of my dreams’ than ever.

        I hope this “novel” of an answer helps, girls. Keep going! <3

  85. Lauren Vanessa Zink

    Ooh la la, this topic gets me excited. I’m about to get really honest with you guys! Backstory: Two months ago, I was living in Atlanta, working at a job I dreaded, and dating my (very) long-term boyfriend. He got a transfer to Denver, so I quit my job (relief!), ended my apartment lease (relief here too — I was ready for something new!), and began the arduous process of moving across the country for my man. I was so committed to this move and this man; like, you guys, I even bought Groupons for us in Denver! Ha. Halfway through our move, he confides in me that he is ready to buy a house and have babies. Lots of babies. I suddenly realized that I had put all of my eggs into his basket — his baby-wanting, lawn to mow, white picket fence basket. Lots of people would love this future, but it isn’t right for me. And it would have been so easy to say, “Yes, I want all of these things too; let’s do this,” and let the chips fall as they may, but no matter how I looked at the situation, I saw resentment and heartache between us if I agreed to a life I didn’t want for myself. He got honest with me, so I owed it to him (and myself) to be honest right back.

    Info you can use: It would be a lie to say that this has all been easy, but I am so grateful for all the soul-searching I’ve been able to do. Before, when I was living a life that didn’t fit me well, it felt like I had lost touch with my own personal frequency…Radio Me, my inner guide, whatever you call it. Now, I am in tune, baby. It is so liberating to journal, to write affirmations, to meditate, to ask myself what I want, and to work toward it on my own terms. To anyone who is struggling to discover how to get what they want, I recommend reading about the Law of Attraction. (My favorite book has been “The Law of Attraction in Action.”) I even started my own little blog to keep track of all of the urges that strike me in a given day. ( Is this self-indulgent? Perhaps, but who else, other than you, knows what you want? And I think if you put it out there, you’re much more likely to get it!

    I keep a piece of paper with 7 affirmations on it in my wallet, and I read them every day and really imagine what it would feel like to have them all come true. I even keep a positivity bracelet on my wrist. Every time I catch myself thinking thoughts full of doubt and fear, I recognize it, move the bracelet to the other wrist, and switch the thought from negative to positive. I express my gratitude for every wonderful thing that I already have in my life, and daily, I take small steps to keep me on the path to my future. And this might sound a bit woo-wooy, but I swear to you that when I take action steps to getting the future I want, no matter how small, something unexpected and beautiful happens to help me out — stuff I never would have predicted. I really think that when you tap into what it is you want and take steps to get there, the universe yells out a big fat, “YES!” and jumps aboard your train.

    So good luck to everyone and remember that you totally deserve the future you want!


  86. For a long time I did not know what I wanted for my jewelry business. I kept running in different directions trying to do many different things so I would not miss out any opportunities. It took me some time to figure it out but now I do have a clear vision of what I want and it really helps me to focus on ways to get to where I want to be.

  87. This title grabbed me immediately! I have been struggling with the ‘I don’t know what I want’ for decades! Growing up I was literally told never to ask for what I want, and so I haven’t … for 40 years. At first I thought there were no answers for me in this video, but after reading a few comments by the other lovely people here, it hit me … I DO know what I want. I guess the next step is to figure out how on earth to make something so outrageous actually happen! Right?!

    • Oh, mercy … I journalled about this after watching the video this morning, and I had to confess that what I want is my own tv show (which is incredibly ambitious!). Lo and behold, this afternoon I got an offer to take a larger role in a tv show I’ve been part of for 3 seasons (involvement growing each season), and next season I will be hosting and presenting segments, AND involved in the website. Bring it on, and thanks, Marie, for the kind and subtle wake up call that I really did know what I wanted 🙂

  88. OK. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED this episode. I am 30. Got no kids. AND YES! I KNOW WHAT I WANT! Buuuuuuut sometimes I get discouraged. I do my very best to move forward with my business at least one step every day. The only problem is, what i love and what i want is traditionally not a successful business model unless you hit the New York Times Best Seller list. I want to be an author. I always have. But everyone tells me I need to use my other gifts because authors don’t make money. I really believe in the messages that i have to share. Am i wrong to want to write books all day??? Watching your video tells me NO! But i also know that i need to find genuine and ethical ways to get get my projects sold. Which is where your advice comes in, Marie. Would you be willing to look at my website and tear it apart on a Q&A Tuesday? I’m totally open to hearing your thoughts on how to do things better. You have no idea how much I look up to you. SO MUCH respect for what you do. Thanks for your consideration.


  89. Whoa – that belt is definitely not a huggable :-). Always enjoy your A to a Q. Thanks, Marie…

  90. “Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”

    “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

    via Alice In Wonderland

  91. Hi everyone!

    Wow! Yes! I loved this episode of Marie TV and I am so excited to say that I can totally relate. I am in college right now at USC and I am joining the rowing team, but committing to the team has given me the heebie jeebies. While I know that I want to be super fit, be a part of a team “family”, be out on the water, and have fun and grab the bull by the balls, the every day 5:30 a.m. wakeup call was scaring me, and so was thinking about all of the other opportunities I was projecting that I would miss out on! But I have decided to go for it, and watching this video affirmed my decision. To the Marie Team and Marie, thanks for making such great content! I love the Brocade Backdrop! Very nice!!!

    Rock on everyone! Let’s all go after what we want!


    • Bons

      Hey Laura!

      Congrats on your decision to join the rowing team! I just wanted to say that I played soccer in college and it profoundly shaped my life. The people I met and places I was able to go was amazing. My teammates turned out to be lifetime friends.
      About 3 years ago I joined a Crew club locally and again it has changed my life. The people I have met, the friends I have made, the places I have been have all be afforded to me by being apart of that team. Not only the health benefit from rowing is great, but so is the network of people AND it something great to talk about with other people at social events. (Sidenote, I also met my fiance at rowing.)

      Good luck Laura!


  92. Love the video, Marie. And the belt – hot damn, woman!

    On to the question – I’ve absolutely been in that “I don’t know what I want place.” I call it The Spin. It’s when I’ve been so terrified to own what I really wanted that I just kept my brain bouncing from one thing to the next, unwilling to take a pause and sit with myself and admit my desires. It’s a horrible, numbing, crazy-making place to be. Walking through the fear of being vulnerable and rejected is ultimately SO much better.

    And on that note, what I really want right now is to win that darn scholarship to RHH LIVE. Yep, had to put it out there. Vulnerable. Open to the possibility of rejection. But owning it, baby!

    I’m sending good juju and cheering, pom-pom infused support to anyone who feels too alone, fearful or confused to own what she/he wants. Your truth is in you, even if it takes a while for you to hear its voice.

    It’s taken a lot of practice, stumbles, fumbling around and big-ass fails for me to discover what I really want, be able to toss away the imitations I placated myself with, and begin achieving the real stuff that makes my heart sing. But if I’d stayed in the spin, I’d just be spending my life dizzy and puking. No need for anyone else to go through that crap.

  93. OMG. I want what I have always wanted. It was that simple. You are so full of wisdom, Marie, and able to communicate in a crystal clear way. I deeply appreciate your work <3.

    Now I cannot fool myself any longer and use "not knowing what I want" as an excuse to stop development of my business. I want to coach people to inner FREEDOM, breaking loose of mental and physical barriers. So I just have to keep up and never give up on myself.

  94. Paris

    The “confusing” part to me is identifying the one thing you want out of sooooo many things. How do you discover your personal legend ?

  95. I was staring at the SHE-RA belt… Yo Princess of Power!!!

    For all those talking about limiting beliefs stopping you following your dreams or even acknowledging them… NLP and Timeline therapy are awesome for releasing limiting beliefs and stuck trauma and emotions… Since I experienced NLP 8 years ago I lost 30kgs, found the man of my dreams, started a coacing business and got our of debt all in a year!!! and it’s been a huge upward party since then… Sweet… Here’s a post on some of the ways we can lie to ourselves to help dismantle those beliefs… Hope it helps you…

    Kylie x

  96. Julie Sprouse

    When I say “I don’t know what I want to do” to myself or others, it’s not that I don’t know, it’s that I don’t know where to start and need to gather gumption. I started my business 10 years ago when my youngest daughter was born, but I found I was just dabbling and wasn’t taking it to seriously. Many years, a divorce, a move to Chicago and a new job later I let my company go and have done nothing. It has always been in the back of my mind, calling me, taunting me to be my own boss, spend more time with my kids and design and organize lives of others so they can live better.

    I now have the chance to start again. I’m gathering gumption and searching for support from like minded friends. I watch Q & A Tuesday everyweek. Marie I love your energy! I just finished reading The Charge and I might not feel “ready” all the time, but I know if I waited, it will never come. So here I begin a new life for myself again….I’ll be 44 in a week and I’m very excited to see how my furture unfolds as I live it now!

    Julie S

  97. I used to be the QUEEN of “I don’t know what I want.” Then after working on improving myself, I realized that in order to define my “WHY,” I had to look deep inside…and boy it was scary because I was so afraid of failure. Now that I know what it is that I really truly want…there’s no stopping me, because my “WHY” is so strong now. It takes risk to admit what you really want and then actually go for it.

  98. I lOVE this video and this TOPIC. I struggled for years with this question. It consumed me, overwhelmed me, and made me crazy. I knew that I could get it if I could just name it b/c I’ve had success with that in the past- the thing is I knew deep down what it was- but it didn’t seem possible.

    I love perosnal style, design, art, travel, and culture BUT my professional background is very academic- how did that happen? I didn’t know how to mesh all of my interests into a career. The interesting part is that during this deep questioning time, I became a career counselor/coach (by accident, really) and as I started giving advice to students it hit me- “damn girl, take your own advice!” So, I am!

    About a year ago, I decided to put all my notions of impossible aside and started my own local TV show about creative people doing what they love- that way I could incorporate my interests (fashion, style, decor, travel) into one thing- TV. Did I know a single thing about TV? No. But I do now! Through this process, I’ve met so many amazing people, travelled internationally, and even got an award for best new series! But, you know what’s funny? Every once in a while I still hear myself saying “I don’t know what I want”- but, Marie, you are right- it’s not true. I do know what I want, I just have to keep working at it, keep learning, keep taking action and have faith that my success will grow.

    Thank you for this one, I talk to people everyday who say they don’t know what they want, when they really do. You are aweome, Marie!

    xo Desha

    • Great success story Desha! I love hearing of stories from those on the “other-side” of confusion 🙂 I’m personally finally am allowing myself to be honest about what I want and now am in the phase of making that happen without shitting my pants out of fear.

  99. Melissa Macdonald

    Hi Marie,
    First, lovin you’re look today – smokin’! Second, for some reason, you know just what ‘q’ to ‘a’ always for some reason. This one in particular really struck a chord.
    Thanks much. This is just the kick of courage reminder that I needed.
    P.S. who are those hotties fist bumping to “Make Every Man Want You” (I’ve read this twice, btw). 🙂

  100. Jess

    I have often fell for the “I don’t know what I want” trap. When I look deep inside myself, I am in love with literature and film, and I know that I want to be a storyteller and create works of literature or produce a moving television series. I guess the problem is that things don’t always go the way I imagined, and the words of people who ‘warned me’ haunted me, making me doubt myself. There were a few times in which I fell for it, and signed myself up for things that I had no passion for, and utterly failed at them. From this, I’ve learned that dreams are worth going for no matter what, because I’d rather be a bum in Paris working on my dream than take a job that doesn’t fulfill me.

    So though I’m not nearly as old as Allison, I understand her sentiment and know that the real problem is fear. And to cure it, I decide everyday to believe in myself and in my own power to make my dreams a reality, and I also make my dreams a priority in my life by setting time for them. For someone in college, that means taking relevant classes, joining a club or two to showcase your talent, and/or working on it on your free time. Last summer, I created the concept for a comic series that had been in my head for months, and by making it a priority to contact the university paper about it, I’m now publishing my comic series. It’s a small feat, but it now grants me a venue to accrue experience and polish skills in something I love but wouldn’t know all of the details of how to do it well if I didn’t get my feet wet first.

    Great video Marie, and I love the tweetable. 😀 Keep them comin’! <3

  101. Have always known that something inside each of us is sacred and deeply purposeful. Really want to access that Greatness within myself so that I can offer to myself and to others the transformation that comes with connection to our true self, the unlimitedness that life becomes once that knowing is accessed. Am taking baby steps, towards it, courses, debugging blocked energy, and learning to trust my intuition. It’s exhilarating. One day, I’d love to be hosting live event around the world like Marie. You go, girl! And I applaud each one of us who found our way here to the incredible source of support and savvy.

  102. I swear, the PERFECT MarieTV episode always hits my inbox just when I need it most! I’ve spent a good 7 years of my career sort of just teetering on what I want, but not actually giving in entirely to it. Therefore, it’s no surprise that I haven’t been 100% satisfied or as successful as I would like up to now. I guess I thought it would be easier and less emotionally painful (i.e. rejection, abandonment, fear, etc.) to do what I thought I “should” do rather than what I really WANTED to do. In hindsight, it’s a lot more painful to deny our inner truth. Cheers to everyone out there who’s listening to the little voice inside – it is stronger than we even know and will get us through the tough times.

  103. Lauren

    This readers story sounded so much like me, we are practically twins. While I appreciate Marie’s advise as always, I can’t help but wonder, how do you know when it’s really your true feelings? For example, the other day I told my boyfriend that I wanted to quit our jobs and start a travel blog (Im always testing out ideas on him) and he responded saying that was great, but that I would have to figure out how we would fund the entire thing and cash out my 401K since I have one and he doesn’t. Then I would also have to get the site built, and figure out how to monetize it and do all of that myself – and then he would gladly go along and help with photography etc…At first I was so happy just that he responded with a modicum of positivity, and I felt really inspired like we could actually do it together. But the next day after thinking it over, I was more disappointed in what he said. I want us to own the idea as a team and build it out together. Could I do just as well on my own without him, I wondered? So when you have those two competing voices, how do you know which one to listen to?

  104. Absolutely this happened…and still happens to me! It is EXACTLY like you said, Marie, being TOTALLY HONEST with yourself with what you want and taking ACTION Consistent with what you want. I friend of mine developed these 4 questions that deal with being honest in getting the clarity of what you want. I would do it in regards to finding a man, then step away from it for a while, and then repeat…. over many, many months. I had been putting myself out there dating, but it wasn’t until I finally got complete clarity around it, and got it to where I was FEELING it on the inside, I found the soulmate I had been searching for! It was with the help, guidance and patience of my friend that got me through to my clarity.
    Thank You for sharing this!!!

  105. So I figured out what I want.

    In the 7 days… SEVEN DAYS…. since shooting my 60 second commercial for the rhh live scholarship I realized I’m not fully in my zone of genius. Whaaaaat? I’m not???

    Nope. So I will enter into 2013 with a huge vision (and am applying for a $20,000 biz loan to help make it happen). I’m moving away from being a speech therapist and autism specialist and into providing coaching services for women, kids and play so moms can connect with their children and everyone can live loving, fulfilling lives. Fun!

    Thanks for the video on clarification. One step at a time. Here we go ladies.


  106. Yes, I am currently in that “what I want” trap and have been for some time. Actually, that is not completely accurate. I do know what I want and I don’t know how to make it happen. My first few attempts have been been met with failure and I have also been struggling with immediate family problems. I am also afraid I will continue to settle instead of continuing to pursue “what I want”.

    The question was identifiable and could have come from myself just add some extra years to that age.

  107. Deb Gaslow

    I figure out what I’m wanting by listening to my “self talk” complaining about what I don’t have…Haha!
    Every time I catch myself saying things like, “I don’t have enough money!”
    I flip my thoughts to “Holy Cow, I have so much moola that I can’t keep it stuffed in my wallet, and my bank accounts are overflowing!!” Woo Hoo!

  108. Carolina

    This is the Q&A I’ve been waiting for, it seems… it’s precisely why I haven’t signed up for your B-school, etc. So much disappointment = not being honest about knowing what I want. Brilliant!

    Thank you so much.

  109. Thanks you SO much for this, Marie. I keep thinking back to this video and your advice. I’ve come to realize that I use the notion that I don’t know what I want to keep myself stuck. I wrote a guest post about this, and linked to the video, over at WELL in L.A. I think it is such helpful information to get out there to so many who find themselves in the same spot. Thank you, thank you, thank you. (If anyone is interested, my guest post is here:

  110. I’ve been caught in the “I don’t know what I want trap” nearly all of my life for one simple reason. I never took the time to ask and sit with myself to get the answer. I’ve lived for and of others because it was ingrained in me that I was supposed to do that. What helped me shed the shackles of that mental tyranny was losing the very person who had helped instill them in me. It brought up front & center 1) how short life is, that its too short to waste it not being happy with your decision & 2) made me physically feel free to do what I wanted, as though I had finally given myself permission because I didn’t feel I had someone to disappoint. After that I started living my life how I wanted and it was one of the best times of my life. A time where I really felt free and authentic & whole and needless to say it’s when I started to realize some deep buried dreams – like launching my business – that I had forgotten about and pushed aside.

    Since then I’ve gotten off track and let old habits crop up, but I’m striving to get back to that place I was at and feel that joie de vivre again!

  111. Minela

    I’m not even sure how I found this website but I’m glad I did!
    I think it happened for a reason. For the past 4,5 years I’ve been sitting at home because of my poor health. Locked inside with my 2 dogs watching my life pass me by. Right now I just feel so anxious that I don’t know what to do with myself, my relationship and my life. I feel like screaming! Mostly I feel like there’s something inside of me ,that’s desperately trying to come out but it just can’t seem to find a hole to escape. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I’m so lost 🙁

  112. I actually had this feeling slightly last school year. I was a teacher but fitness is the path I wanted to take I had been a trainer previously. But my mother wanted me to be in a steady career so I got my teaching license. Well I realized I do enjoy teaching my gift is fitness. After reading Jillian Michaels book Unlimited it gave me the courage to start my own business and am so thankful I did.

  113. Ere

    I always dreamt to be into fashion but I was afraid of failing…But now I know that the greatest dissapointment is not trying… what if I don’t succeed? Who cares.. I’m gonna be true to my feelings and finally give them a chance to show me how satisfying is to follow my dreams.

  114. I have a million and one ideas. Some I’ve gone after and had small successes. But I just kind of tanked after my sister in law’s suicide. It’s been a year and a half and I’ve been writing ‘her story’ – really, ‘our story’….my story, I suppose. It started out as cathartic (maybe) but the more I write the more I discover that it really wasn’t MY FAULT. That sounds crazy because I wasn’t the man who made her life hell….I was the one who tried to empower her and help her move forward and not allow herself to believe that she was the one with the problem. It was all going SO GREAT (or so we all thought). Her ex even asked “who in the world has she been talking to? I’ve never seen her like this…being so strong.” Then….with absolutely no warning, she shot herself. So – here’s my problem. I believe ‘what you think about, comes about’. I believe that our thoughts are what we manifest. I’ve lived that truth for years! So…I’m afraid to keep writing. I don’t want to live in that energy but I want to help others who live with the guilt of “I should have known”. But then I try to override my own thoughts with thoughts of CUPCAKES and the ocean and good hair days…… Help!

  115. Georgeta Iordache

    I am right now in a transition period if my life. I think all these years I have just gone through so much huddle just because I did not want to truly own what I want deep in my life. The struggle and challenges I am passing through now there are to make get in touch to my deepest desires and get everything I want out of it. Thank you Marie, once again I realized that I do know what I want, but lack the courage to go after it. Now it has come the moment to realise that I am capable of doing it and I am ready to tackle the problems and make my life good.

  116. Hey Marie,

    I’ve been watching & listening to you for a long time now and I just watched the above named video.
    What about someone like me? I am now 41 and have just spent 2012 as a year of letting go, giving up my freelance career (graphic design and yoga), losing my doggie, giving up my apartment and moving in with grandma to save money.
    I now have a full time gig that is a job, not a career, and am not in a relationship. Like Allison in the video, those are the same things that I want but I am 11 years older than she. Then sometimes I wonder if I can even handle having children at this point in my life.
    I know for sure I want an amazing relationship more than everything.
    I’ve been on some dates, but nothing great yet and most of my friends are not single. Any advice?
    Thank You!
    ~ Felice

  117. Neha

    To be honest, I was a little disappointed with this particular video as I was really hoping you’d give some clear steps ( as you do at other times) to find out what we want. I may know deep inside what I want, but how do I bring that to my conscience, myth surface so that I can just go after that. I’d love to hear from you, that’d be such a help to me. I have tried answering the usual questions, but somehow feel very vague & overwhelmed with all the answers trying to figure it all out as to what exactly I want & what tangible business can offer me that.

    • Minela

      I have to agree with you Neha. How do you bring your desires to the surface? I’ve been strugling with this for a while now. I hope we’ll find an answer one day!

  118. Neha

    Marie probably has a lot of other stuff, but I’d love To know her strategies & views.

    • Minela

      Thinking about it and trying to figure it out is quite frustrating and exhausting. But giving up is not an option!

  119. Fantastic article – It can also be said that we change a lot throughout our lives, I find that people’s attitudes change with age, many people, myself included don’t truly find out who they are until the age of 30.

    Stay positive everybody, keep writing great articles!

  120. I LOVE that belt. Superpowers!
    Own your deepest desires, that’s good stuff. (:

  121. My dream retirement is to under no circumstances really have to deal along with the cold of winter or heat of summer. An A-Frame in Vermont plus a cottage by the sea near Savannah.

  122. Ann

    So true. Thank you.

  123. Another great video Marie! It helped me realise that I am afraid of admitting what I really want.

    I have this visions of myself achieving great things and quitting my job for being a successful artist, but then reason and doubt come and that “who does she think she is” question, so I get back to reality and convince myself that it is only a dream and that I should be happy with all the great things I already have and not wish for much more than that.

    I hope to be brave enough to take this to completion, but at least I have started that blog I was dreaming about, I paint and connect with the others and I will let decide where will all this take me.

    Your videos are fun to watch but always take me to that place of introspection. At least I feel that I am not alone in this situation.

  124. Sinead

    Hi Marie,
    This q & a has been amazing!!!
    The girl writing the question could have been me, in the exact same dilemma, a 30 year old successful career wise, disappointed in many other ways over the last decade too.
    I keep telling everyone around me I am having waaaaaayyyyy too much fun to want to settle down and that I don’t know what I want
    In reality like the other girl, deep down I do know, it’s as you said having the courage to be brave and go after it, not to fear what other people say or judge or critize my decisions but to go after what I want
    Not letting small set backs and rejections be a blocker but to get up daily and go after my dreams
    Thank you Marie xxx

  125. Hi there! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site with us so
    I came to give it a look. I’m definitely loving the information.
    I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!

    Superb blog and brilliant design and style.

  126. shirley

    For a month, continually say to yourself ” I love and accept myself as I am .” When I poke a contrary thought , do not give importance and resume the sentence.

    If we do not have what we need , if it seems that life denies us our aspirations and needs, although apparently fight for satisfying them, it is likely that this occurs because subconsciously we do not feel deserving of success, because we feel unworthy of be happy, because, from a low self-esteem and a lack of love for ourselves, unconsciously seek failure.

    Type in a list: “I deserve to have (or be ) … and I accept it now.” Write each merit several times , paying attention to what happens in your body. Ask yourself if you believe what he says or if , on the contrary , it still feels unworthy.

    If your body transmits any negative feelings , claiming : ” I renounce the party, in my conscience , is creating resistance to my own good ,” and repeat : ” I deserve … ”
    learn how to be happy and have what you want ….
    look at this video here :

  127. Ashlei

    When I saw the title of this video I got excited! As an almost 30-year-old, I can related to the question and the decade of disappointment of not getting what I want.

    Here is where I get stuck: What if I only kind of know what I want? Or what if I want too many things, how do I focus on one and finally follow through?

    I’ve found that there are many things I like, but at some point I hit a road block and decide that I don’t want that thing enough to get through it. I feel like if I REALLY wanted something, it would be worth going through the struggles. An example: I started making jewelry and selling it on a small scale basis. Well as soon as I realized I needed to figure out taxes and becoming an official business, it was all too overwhelming so I stopped. I had no idea what to do, and already having two jobs, I didn’t feel enough of a drive to push through and figure it all out.

    The other part is that I might have mild perfectionism. There are so many things I want/like to do or try and if I can’t do it the best that I can, I won’t do it at all. OR I find something I think I’d like to do but realize what a time/financial commitment it would be, and that I’d have to give up everything else I like/want to make this one thing successful and again, the desire for it isn’t strong enough to make that kind of sacrifice.

    How do we find those things we truly feel passionate about enough to sacrifice everything else in order to follow through on it? I’m not sure there is anything I like/desire/feel called to enough to sacrifice everything else in order to get it. (The alternative is living in this mediocre, wishy-washy, just dabbling in things lifestyle that makes me feel lost without purpose. So, that’s not really working either.)

    • DeterminedSpontaneity

      Hi Ashlei,

      I totally feel what you are going through. As I said in my post below: choice is a curse… and many of us here have been blessed with many talents and as a result are left confused.

      While I dont know how to tell if youve found your purpose I do know that while I love to sing, in professional singing I NEVER felt the feeling of love for my work that I feel now even in the mundane moments.

      I think it is always important to remember tgat nothing in life is a stroll in the park and we never like every single aspect about what we do. At the end, the most important thing is not to look at the nitty gritty of the tasks involved but look at what or WHO that work that work makes you and ask: Does that fit my values? Is that who I want to be? For me I know for this minute I am happy saying I am a human rights lawyer, rather than I am an opera singer but I still feel that I shoujd be helping to pioneer a movement rather than be a cog in a corporate/public wheel… that part is yet to be figure out!!!!

  128. Oh i can say firstly , that wisdom you draw it from god , how ? Ask god through prayer , as a result , a holy spirit will probably reveal to you , secondly there are career guides ,and the last one , u can make a self-discovery by meditating to yourself.

  129. DeterminedSpontaneity

    Hi Marie,

    That video was great. I have on and off been stuck in the I dont know camp over the years, and now recently I find myself back there again… somewhat surprisingly!

    Some years ago like Monsieur Braun I had a rattling and difficult experience that changed my perspectives on everything. The result was that I felt liberated to be able to do what I really wanted to. I changed career paths and took a tough and toilsome road from opera singing to law. Cue 5 years later, and 1 year after the worst storm ever recorded, Super Typhoon Haiyan, took over 6,000 souls, destroyed 6 million livelihoods, and took almost everything from 14 million people. I now am a UN human rights lawyer, on the other side of the world in Tacloban City, helping tribal communities’ recovery in the aftermath of Super Typhoon Haiyan. I once only dreamed of giving my life in such a way, and now I live it! I pinch myself once a day!!!!


    My contract ends in 16 working days and my agency leaves the relief efforts and I find myself a little lost. This work achievement was something I fought hard for. It was a dream job. And now that its been reached I …. wait for it … dont know what I want to do???

    My thoughts are running wild. Should I climb the public sector ladder; Be a minion; Or fight to be a leader? I know I want to blog about purpose, I have the address a tm word n SO MANY stories …. n not a word written out of fear n lack of structured idea, but I want to become in a way like you as I and those around me in this work have SO much to share, I also passionately want to start a movement of social sector change…. but I do love my job and I love to travel. My next project may be a nightmare or a dream. Moving on to the next humanitarian crisis be it ebola or dealing with ISIS doesnt phase me but what does is 1. I want my own thing as I feel I could have greater impact if I did and 2. Im 30, single and this work, with its 3 month contracts and lack of family stations, not to mention the lack of dating opportunities these locations offer, is extremely inconducive to finding commitment and love… and maintaining it!

    I know the answer is to continue in this work and start the blog side by side with it…. but that was my plan since Jan and it still hasnt happened! I have initiated other awesome side projects like Haiyan one year anniversary workshops and concert: Musical Surge… I guess life keeps “getting in the way.”

    I have had some of the most incredible experiences… most have arisen from spontaneity and determination- a mix that makes no sense but its been awesome! Right now I am putting my name on rosters for humanitarian work and while thats bound to work I feel now I am starting to drift a little too much rather than direct and if I dont act decisively life will float by in a blurry series of exciting, purposeful and meaningful jobs but …. without the fireworks I believe I have the power to ignite the world with! …the blessing of choice has left me cursed me thinks!

    Thank you so much for all your advice, Marie, youll never know the dark times you got me through but look where I am now so thank you so much.

  130. Hello amazing community
    I m in the process to start all over, who I am, who and what I love, basically i stop living from outside in.
    I have an idea of business that I’m excited about, but this not the 1st time. And I figured out before I was faking enthusiasm about anything.
    any tip to know if I really like this project from my heart or if I’m still faking it ? Please.
    Thank you

  131. Sam

    Alright, so this video basically grazes the issue I have, but my question is: What do you do if you have many interest? And I did see another video that was posted , that actually addressed that question but I still feel I am at a loss. To give some more perspective, I currently work at an elementary school as an SDC instructional aide. I like my job, but I don’t feel fully satisfied by it, and I realize I could just have side hobbies, but I still feel I am more suited for a career in art. My dilemma though, is that I have many interests in this field. I like to decorate cakes and cupcakes, sew, dance, draw and take pictures. I think sewing might be more of a hobby(though I bobble back and forth about it. I feel I may just be insecure about my ability and also fear that by turning it into a career I may lose the love) and as of right now I don’t want a career teaching anything. I know dance is not a realistic option because money is an issue and I would prefer if drawing was integrated into another medium. I am realizing now that I am beginning to point toward cake stuff, but the problem is I did that a while back and I had a rough time sticking to it. And actually that is the biggest problem I have, I cannot stick to one thing. I am constantly switching from one thing to the next trying to fill this lack of satisfaction while trying to balance finances. I know everyone keeps telling me I have time to figure out what I want to do because I am only 22, but I feel like not knowing is eating me up inside. Someone please help my conflicted brain.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Sam, thank you so much for tuning in, and you’re so not alone! We have so many amazing people in our community who have many interests, so this is something we talk about a lot in our MarieTV episodes.

      It can actually be a blessing to have such diverse interests, but I know from personal experience that it doesn’t always feel that way. I thought I might pass along one of our classic MarieTV episodes on this topic for a few tips:

      As Marie says, “clarity comes from engagement, not thought.” In a nutshell, one of the best things we can do when we’re conflicted is to take action. It is absolutely possible to pursue multiple interests, but it isn’t always possible to do everything at once.

      By trying out one or two things and spending more time there, it can really help you decide whether to continue in that direction or try something else.

      I hope this helps, and if you’re looking for a few more episodes on similar topics, feel free to check out our archives or reach out to us at info AT marieforleo DOT com and we’ll be happy to share some suggestions!

  132. Kelly

    Hello, I am just looking for feedback here…..
    I watched this video & while it was very helpful, my question is WHAT DO I WANT!
    I have absolutely no idea if I am happy with my job that I have went to school for & have been working for 8yrs (actually I have a pretty good idea that I don’t). I am an addictions counselor, and I am not so happy with this. I was before, but that was because I was an eager 26yr old and now the eagerness has left me. I know I made a difference in some lives before & that feels good, however I have another job that I have been working at for the past year, and I am not making a difference at all in these people’s life. The only reason I actually come to work is because that is my nature and because I really like my co-worker. OK, the feedback I am probably going to get is, “well find another job”, BUT that is not as easy as it sounds. Addiction counseling is dwindling in this state, because the state keeps cutting funds, therefore there are rehabs that are actually closing or letting some of their counselors go because of the deficiency with money.
    I have made a step of changing fields, and went back to school for medical billing and coding. That was just terrible to say the least.
    So, my question is to you…. WHAT DO I DO?

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Kelly, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so confused! I will say, you really are the only one who can decide what’s right for you and what it is that you really want. With that said, Marie has an AWESOME trick called the ten year test that you can do to help you with big decisions in life. You can check that out in more detail here:

      I hope this helps!!

  133. micheal

    I give GOD the glory for bringing me to your site, I just hope this comment will get to you. I have been having fear of going after my dream, currently in a job that puts food on my table which I thank GOD for the provision but to be frank with you I am not happy with the job, because deep down inside me going after my dreams is what keep coming to my mind. Thank you once again big sister Marie looking up to having a live chat with you one day remain bless.

  134. Thank you for this episode. It made me think of what I really want in relationships.

  135. Vanessa

    It is actually true, I think we actually know what we want but it actually seems so big, so unrealistic that unfortunately, most of us just find it easier to take that option out. What I want is to start a business in coaching/motivational speaker. But then, it’s just the typical questions, where to start? How do I do that? Am I good enough?

  136. I am going after my dream and doing all the things to make it happen, but I’m still not sure that’s what I really want. Or maybe it’s because it is not the only thing I want and I’m afraid one thing might exclude the other.

  137. C l w

    A misnomer if ever there was one for the episode how to figure out what you want. Completely wasted my time listening to this

  138. Rayne

    I could totally use some advice! After travelling the world and being totally glued to the hip with my partner for the past few years we’ve finally given ourselves some space from each other and have gone on separate vacations! This was both a blessing and a curse! Since we’ve been a part I’ve discovered that my ‘dreams’ weren’t really mine anymore, they were his and this totally freaked me out! I’m having a hard time figuring out what it is that I want as an individual or just in general i’m trying to distinguish my dreams from his! I feel like I’ve been living a secret life and I didn’t even realize this till now! So, I decided to end it and give myself the chance to try and figure myself out but I’m feeling pretty confused. What do I want? How the heck do I figure that out now?

Comments are closed.