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Do you know what this feels like right now? This feels like I could be on a roller coaster and I’m gripping onto the sides, waiting for it to take off like, “Holy shit, here we go.” Strange, right?
Hey, it’s Marie Forleo. And you’re watching MarieTV, the place to be if you want to have a business and life you love. And this is Q&A Tuesday. And our question today comes from an anonymous reader, while I pull hair out of my lip gloss, who writes, “First of all, Marie, thank you for being so bad ass and a huge influence for me to start my own business.” You are so welcome. “My question’s about relationships. You and Josh seem to be on the same page as far as career goals and life ambitions. How important do you think that is? About a year ago, I decided to start my business and change my life. My boyfriend of four years is extremely supportive, but I feel like we’re not on the same page. I want to live and travel and experience and conquer.” Go, girl. “He’s happy working on the assembly line until retirement, working long days and being constantly tired with limited time off. This concerns me because I’d like to have kids someday. He’d rather stay home and sleep than go out and experience life with me.
“He makes a good paycheck, but has no desire to make a living doing something easily passionate about or even explore other options. I love him and we get along famously, but will our different outlets ultimately get in the way of me living my best life.”
Girl, that’s a big question, big. First thing I want to say is that this is a really tricky situation and there is no right answer. I mean, I’m sure there’s couples out there that have totally different life goals and ambitions, and there as happy as clams.
Want to see the world?
No, I’m good.
Likewise, having different career goals and life ambitions can be a valid reason to have a breakup. I mean, after all, everyone’s got their own dreams and you need to have the freedom to follow them. But here’s the thing. You need to get clear on your truth, because however your relationship is, is really a choice. You get to design your relationship however you want. Girl, you need to get honest with yourself about these four factors.
Number one, the kids congo. So I will say that getting clear on whether or not you want kids is really, really important because this can be a deal breaker right there. I had hell of a time when I was dating all these different guys, trying to find somebody who didn’t want to marry me, take me away to the suburbs so I can start popping out a ton of kids. Now I kept telling every guy I met that marriage and kids was pretty much off the table. So when I met Josh and he already had a kid, I felt like I hit the lotto. And it was pretty quick after that that we discovered we had very similar life goals and ambitions, which included no more kids.
Number two, the free time reality check. Now you say you get along famously, but all he wants to do is work and come home and sleep and you want to travel and live and conquer the world. Are you going to happy and satisfied with that limited amount of shared experiences? Are you going to be happy doing separate things most of the time? You might be, but it’s really something you have to consider, and only you have that truth.
Number three, give yourself a no guilt gut-check. Now here’s the truth and you know it. Every single woman on the planet knows deep down whether or not she really wants to be with the guy that she’s with. The problem is most of us can’t get to that gut-level truth because we’re clouded by guilt. We don’t want to hurt someone that’s really a good man. And we don’t want to abandon someone that we really care about. Here’s what you got to do. Imagine what it would be like if you could be free of this relationship and your boyfriend would feel no pain. Imagine that there were no repercussions. Would you feel a sense of relief? If so, that’s a pretty good indicator that you may be through with this relationship and it really is time for both of you to move on to your next adventure.
Number four, ask yourself, why do you want to be in this relationship? Are you staying in this relationship because you’re afraid that you won’t be able to make it financially on your own? Are you afraid of not finding someone else or are you just afraid of change? Or are you in the relationship because you really adore this man and you love who you are when you’re with him? Do you imagine yourself growing old together? And if you do at age 90, do you imagine loving the life that you’ve built together? Being really honest with yourself about why you want to be in this relationship is vital to find the clarity you need to move ahead.
So there you go, four factors to help you decide the future of your relationship when you and your partner have different life goals and ambitions. I think this is such a juicy subject that so many people struggle with. And I know you’ve got ideas and experiences and stories to share. Remember, the best insights happen after the episode over at marieforleo.com, so go there and leave a comment right now.
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Okay. I have something really pointy on my fingers. I don’t know if you can see this, but it’s almost like Madonna’s boobs, but on my finger. Madonna boob, on my finger. See it. See it. Boobfingers.com.