Marie Forleo introduction

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I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Does your better half complain that you spend too much time on the computer? Are you ever accused of being a workaholic?

If your business causes major riffs in your relationship, you’re not alone.

With our 24/7 ability to grow our business through smart phones, social media and laptops, entrepreneurs around the world are constantly tempted to do “just one more thing” every free second we have.

It makes sense. After all, when you’re super passionate about your work — it doesn’t feel like work at all and you want to do it all the time!

But I can tell you from experience that too much time on the computer can cause major relationship issues. If left unchecked, being a workaholic will totally destroy your relationship.

An eff’d up personal relationship will not only wreak havoc on your soul, but it can have a huge, negative impact on your business too.

Even if you don’t have a significant other, working all the time can lead to massive overwhelm, or worse, massive burnout.

If your better half thinks you’re a workaholic, watch this video to learn three simple strategies I created to deal with this issue in my own life.

Make sure you pay special attention to the third strategy. This one idea has saved my relationship (and my own sanity) more times than I can count.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your take on this issue. Specifically, tell me:

1.  Which strategy is the most actionable to you and why. I’m curious to hear which one you plan to implement and the reason behind it.

2.  Additional tips you can contribute on this topic. Since this is a hot and ever-growing issue, we need all the help we can get. Our community rocks at crowdsourcing wisdom so thanks in advance for adding to the solution.

I’m really excited to hear your take on this one, so get crackin’.

P.S.  While we have a lot of fun in this video, I cannot stress the importance of implementing these strategies enough.

There is nothing more important in life than the people you love. Using these ideas can literally save your relationship. If you know someone who is struggling with this issue, please send them this post.

Loads of love,

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136 comments

  1. Hey Marie!

    The moment I heard the question I was sure, I mean SURE, you were going to talk about sex as a way to fix relationship issues. I remember you in an old interview with the Toilet Paper Entrepreneur talking about it.:)

    • I found the video!

      Enjoy ladies (at 1.45′):
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24v1flCXMCc

      • I love it that you posted this, Maria – for a couple of reasons.
        1) The obvious – because YES, sex is a key factor in solving relationship issues! It melts away tension, helps us feel supported, gives us freedom from so much “thinking” & opens up our creativity (so we do better in life & business). Marie gives a great explanation in this video.

        2) Because it’s a great little video for us to see Marie’s progression as an entrepreneur over the years. It’s easy to look at her site & videos today & think we’re not “there” yet. When you watch this one, you can see that she is who she is & works with what she’s got, as she continues to progress. I don’t know about you, but that’s inspiring to me!

    • Bunny

      My husband doesn’t care much for sex. He just likes me sitting next to him while he does what he likes to do. I hate it.

  2. Yes!! Finally a strategy I have implemented BEFORE watching one of your amazing videos!

    I was starting to spend probably 15+ hours a day on the laptop trying to grow my business. So last weekend the Hubby and I packed up the kids and drove an hour to an outlet mall, went to dinner and came home and watched movies.

    It was a big wake up call because the kids haven’t stopped talking about how much fun they had (and these are teenagers). Made me realize how “un-present” I’ve been the past couple of months.

    Going forward I am retiring the laptop early each day and giving myself the option to open it back up once everyone in the house is sleep (like now).

  3. I am lucky as my boyfriend is an entrepreneur as well so I don’t get him trying to pull me away from the computer that much, yet sometimes we need a break and just keep working away!! I’m working on shutting it down at a reasonable hour. Thanks for the reminder to make time and unplug.

  4. Hmmm, considering it’s 10 p.m. and I’m still tapping away at my keyboard and the hubs is watching some March Madness, I may have to do some work in this area. That said, the hubs and I have our weekly pow-wow on Sundays outlining our week. Who’s where, who needs to be home with our boys, and what nights we’ll have dinner together.

    He’s extremely supportive of my business and I so appreciate it. I’m still in the phase of having to give it attention and he realizes that…I think we’ve got it down, but it is certainly nice to be reminded of the importance of some level of balance!

  5. Udo

    *sniff* I can’t wait to have a husband so I can have this type of problem *sniff sniff*

  6. This is a major issue as both of us are entrepreneurs … we already do hip hop shabbat but we’ve recently taken it a step further – we have a 2 year old and limited day care so we identified the time in the day where we are least productive which is 3-5pm so we turn off everything for a couple of hours most days of the week and head out – go for a walk, take the little one to the park, for coffee – anything that doesn’t involve being online.

    We work across timezones so Sunday afternoons and evenings are working hours but in order to keep some kind of reality and normalcy in our lives and relationship we have to be really structured when it comes to taking time out …

    At the end of the day we work to LIVE not the other way around. If you can’t find that balance then you probably have the wrong business model …

    Great advice as always Marie!

    • I think you and John do an incredible job Ameena, and clearly have strategies in place for you time – plus it helps you live in a great wine region and so can relax and unwind due to your lovely location.

      I’ve been accused of friends and family of working way too much but often it’s because I work from anywhere so they don’t see me switch off – it’s my work time just like other people working in an office but because I’m around them sometimes when I’m doing it it can become an issue as all they see is me stuck to my laptop.

      I’ve found that explaining to them the importance of what I’m working on, why it’s exciting, why I love it, who it’s going to help, and the bigger picture helps them to feel included and much more likely to support my work.

      I also make a point of disconnecting from everything and being fully present in conversations when I am with my friends or loved ones and this includes no phone at the table and no messaging – you have to create your boundaries.

      Another alternative is to just take 9 weeks off to ride across Africa like I’m doing – ironically today’s my birthday and our rest day for me to actually get online…

      Love this video Marie

      Natalie

      • Thanks Natalie!! Happy birthday!

        I think that a lot of people who are employed think all entrepreneurs sit around and drink coffee and rake in the cash without doing anything .. they don’t get it so get funny about seeing you working – I know I’ve had a lot of comments about my working hours which are, in reality less than 6 hours a day – it’s just that they are not during 9-5 office hours.

  7. stephanie

    hey marie, great and beautiful as always!

    very simple: i do jazzercise regularly and other things (like singing), that help me stay connected with myself and be MOVING, which helps to be moving with my man too… yes :o)

    love, stephanie.

  8. Marie, you have me listening to some old-school hip-hop this morning! Love the idea of a hip-hop shabbat- that’s clever. The concept of taking one day a week where no form of work/business is allowed because you could adapt it depending on your circumstances. For instance, have a ‘baby day’ or a ‘family fun day’ etc.

    Something that’s helped me so much Marie is your idea of living in the moment. I can’t quite remember which blog post it was but it made so much sense and I’ve tried to implement that idea in (almost) everything that I do.

  9. Great suggestions, Marie. My husband recently commented that I’ve lost my sense of balance between my work and the house (i.e.: him). I took notice and make sure that I am also paying attention to my non-work stuff (and him!) every day.

    Considering the idea of the shabbat and while it freaks me out a bit, that tells me it’s needed more than ever! 😉

    Happy Q&A Tuesday, y’all!

  10. Lena

    Hi Marie!
    I already do one of your advices: one day a week where no one in the family can touch any computer or iPad. It’s great specially because my husband is an even greater workaholic than me and now we have one day a week where we pay more attention to each other.
    Thanks
    Lena

  11. Geoff

    Marie,

    You got me at the first solution. Always works with me! Like your style!

    Rock it Marie and to your continued success!

    Geoff

  12. Yes, yes! I can’t tell you how many times my hubs and I have discussed (and argued) about this, and it’s always reassuring to know that other biz owners deal with it too. My biggest challenge is definitely trying to multitask while trying to pay attention to family stuff. I’m working on my listening and focusing skills, especially after your vid today.

    Thanks again, Marie! Keep rockin’ it out.

  13. Kim

    Marie,
    I am so totally going to use these tips, but instead of using them with my hubs I’m going to use them with my daughter Kathryn. She constantly tries to curb my workaholic self by saying things like “You’re always on your computer” and “I want you to spend time with me” so your video really hit home with me today. So I’m going to commit to being fully in the moment with my little peanut and having that day of rest-even if it’s not a whole day it could be a half day of fully focused Kathryn only time with NO computer and NO email!

  14. Hey Marie, great Q&A! Big, huge problem when doing an e-business among guys who are from the non-computer generation! Sooo… there is workaholic plus ‘whatcha doin’ on that worthless hunk of junk!’ or its equivalent in Italian! My partner in the music DOES not like it when I am on the computer! Hello!

    So your advice is right-one must STOP, LOOK LISTEN TO YOUR HEART AND WHAT IT’S SAYIN’ if you want to maintain relationships. And when I connect with my mentors on webinars in the States, usually around 11pm or later Italy time, I give a heads up that I have a conference call with the US. That seems to keep things calm.

    It is not easy and I have always been called workaholic from my corporate America jobs to now building my music activity. For everyone who subscribes to your site the bottomline is keep communicating and your great results will quiet the protests.

    Loved the humor!!!

    Bev

  15. Marie,
    I have to remember not to watch your videos when my husband is sitting next to me.. i could barely hear what you were saying over his ” uh huh, yep, see- even SHE says you need to listen to me 100% and not work one day!”
    Thanks, clearly I needed to be reminded that all work and no play makes a very unhappy family unit.
    I absolutely need to re-implement all tips, but especially #3. My social media is already scheduled on the weekend, so one day of not replying to people isn’t going to kill my biz.
    The one thing i did already do to lighten my load is to hire a VA and bookkeeper for a few hours each week. That has given me back time with my husband and kids, and takes things off my plate that I don’t like to do for my biz- anything techie or numbers oriented.. ; )

  16. omg, my husband and I JUST had a conversation about this last night. We agreed to try to finish work every day by 7pm and not mess around with all that extra stuff that’s not necessarily paying the bills on nights and weekends anymore so that we can spend more quality time together. Love the Hip Hop Shabbat idea – great terminology!

  17. Love the Keep On The Same Page tip – my husband and I have a zillion things going on including full time jobs, my new biz I am lauching from home, kids and working towards our Great Escape later this year. As an informal practice we email each other on Mondays with what our week looks like, what nights we need to be accomodated and then we are able to work around the critical items (ie: if I have a client call on Wed night, he’ll plan to do his boat work on Tues night instead). It works great and keeps us sane!

  18. Hi Marie,

    Lately I’ve remembered what you said about Josh in MEMWY: that he is a compassionate guy. I’ve applied this to my relationship. Sometimes my boyfriend is so tired that he even seems angry. I used to feel bad in these moments because he didn’t pay attention to me, our home or even our relationship. However, when I started to feel compassion and therefore to comprehend what he was going through, he started to realized what I was going through at home, at work, during my everyday life. He started to be more relax, to listen to me. Instead of just wanting to be alone in bad mood, now he shares his feelings and he’s much more kind.

    Since I applied the “compassionate-mood”, everything, I mean, EVERYTHING, is great between us.

    H&K to all!

  19. Love love love this one. My hubby and I try to honor our weekends together + at least one date night per week — but I’ve also found this is super important for my sanity with my 2 year old twins. When I’m with them – I have to be 100% with them or else they act out for attention. So they get Tues + Thurs mornings with me plus most weekdays from 3-7. Has totally saved MY sanity because I can’t think straight with needy kids whining for me!

    • And the only “work” think on Tuesdays is watching Marie TV while they eat breakfast! xo

  20. Fazal karim

    I watched your old vidio about more sex to get smart in your work. you are right. as you said rightly that you had experience of having more sex. This is a great gift for us from almighty Allah. we must be thankful to Him.

  21. Morning from Mattapoisett – where it’s finally sunny again.

    My BF and I have date day – Thursday afternoon tends to be our day when we go off on adventures. And it’s definitely awesome for our relationship. I think I am going to send this vid to the BF b/c he is also a home based entrepreneur who does software design and website constructions it’s usually ME who is going “put down that ipad/iphone/computer” and talk to me!

    Love the hip hopping.
    xo
    Johanna

  22. So very true! Thanks Marie.

  23. ARGH! Take the knife out of my heart!!!! Could not have been more timely! I have tickets to go to Danielle LaPorte’s book signing in NYC and hopefully meet you as well but SOMEHOW I managed to ask my husband to use the trip as a small vacation which THEN somehow it turned into an actual vacation getaway where we are headed to New Hampshire. (Personally, I just think I managed this entire project incorrectly)
    BUT instead of feeling oh-so-sad about not hopping down to NYC, I need toLET IT GO and go spend a couple days with my husband.
    I will miss you-have a cocktail for me, congratulate Danielle and I will meet you another time, I am sure!

  24. Mara Gillott

    Awesome Video! my husband has recently started a new job that has him waking up at 5 am and driving an hour and 30 mins each way to and from work. It has been hard on both of us because prior i was adjusted to our 11:30pm-midnight bedtime which gave me serious work time in the evening after kids were in bed. Now that has cut to 10:30pm and we both value the concept of going to bed together but there is many nights that I just have to stay up and work and it always causes rift between us. Very fustrating. Good tips Marie!

  25. Love tip #3, Marie! So important to just take a day & devote yourself fully to quality time with your honey.

  26. Wonderful as always, Marie. I can relate to this topic 150%, but not as a wife or girlfriend… as a MOM. I am a single mother to an amazing 11 year old daughter. About 2 years ago, she began making comments about how much I was working and told me she felt left out from my day to day. It was a huge blow to my heart to learn that she was feeling this way at such a young age! I had to make some changes. Now my business hours are school hours. I work from 8am to 3pm, M-F. If I need the extra time, I will follow up on emails, crank out some web dev, or manage my books after she is in bed and asleep. For the time between school and bed, I close my office off and avoid the computer. This new routine has made a huge improvement! She knows my schedule very well now and loves the full attention she has from me.

    Making that time can definitely save relationships with both partners and spouses, but also your children! They grow so fast and I realized I was missing so much. My advice to others… do what you can to get that time before they are too grown and have their own lives. Trust me, you’ll be so happy that you did!

    Thanks Marie – love your stuff and can’t wait for B-School!

  27. Marie, great summary. Meg Hirshberg, wife of Stonyfield Yogurt’s Gary Hirshberg, has just written a book called “For Better or for Work” about this subject: an entrepreneur’s guide to survival, and their family’s guide, too! She’s speaking on April 11 in Concord NH, and I’m one of her panelists, since she interviewed me for the book… I agree especially with the 100% focus point, whether you’re “on” or “off”, the half-way thing is a disaster.
    Best to you!
    Lisa, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

  28. My husband runs his own business, too, and we both like to work so this is never an issue for us. HOWEVER, overworking is an issue for my PERSONALLY and I have gotten way better at the work/life balance.

    I used to have a really hard time stopping in the evening and considering that I often start work before 7 am (its not even 6 am in California and here I am checking emails!) – my days were just too long leaving little time for personal stuff. Now I have an ALARM on my ical that goes off at 4 pm that reminds me to work on my planner for the following day. This gets me to PAUSE, look at what has been done for the day and figure out what can roll over to the following day. It also reminds me to start WINDING DOWN and begin the transition into non-work mode. Allowing the brain and nervous system time to transition makes it easier to let go.

    The other thing is – this truly boils down to PRIORITIES. If you are placing every little task as “A” priority then the work seems endless everything seems like it must get down NOW, NOW, NOW and it becomes hard to stop. You get on a perpetual motion train. So hard to brake with that kind of momentum lined up! Each week I really look at what needs to get done and everything gets assigned A, B, C priorities. I really just focus on the A priorities that week. And I make 2 primary priorities for the week – those are my main focus. It took me over TWO YEARS to stop overloading myself with work but I have really made huge shifts in this. Just consistently reviewing my week, planning and setting priorities and finally understanding what was REALISTIC to accomplish in one week.

  29. Ain’t no half steppin’! Love it, love it, love it. I am sooo guilty of this. Esp because my beau likes to talk (and talk). BUT next time he wants my attention, I will be sure to close my laptop and LISTEN.

    For us, keeping aside one night of the week for “date night” i.e. JUST the two of us, going out and enjoying some relaxed conversation and laughs does wonders to fan the flames that keep us together.

  30. Stabbed me in the gut! I know… I know… I’m under arrest!

    I’m on the keyboard WAYYY too much… but luckily I’ve managed to keep my relationship growing strong by:
    1. Cooking together EVERYDAY. Big bonding time for us + it’s a great opportunity to catch each other up on “what’s up” while doing what we love most – cook + eat + be merri!
    2. Keeping our love live HOT. Can I say that on the interwebs. I think I just did. Honeymooning till we die… that’s my mantra LOL.
    3. Build short term BUCKET LISTS. Surf trips + dinner reservations + BBQ nights + concert time + vacation to Alaska. Scheduling exciting stuff that’s not so far in the horizon keeps us focused on working extra hard so when the “bucket item” arrived we pull ALL fingers away from the keyboard. Great rewards keep us focused + make us appreciate our time together that much more!

    Marie. YOU ROCK!!!

    • Mayi, I love the short-term bucket list idea. Simple and fun : )

      This topic definitely hits home! I just launched a website this week and it was so hard to tear my eyes off the screen while working on it…a recipe for burnout, indeed. I make sure to tell my honey how wonderful he is at least a dozen times a day.

  31. Hi Marie,

    I totally love this….I just took a “dedicate down day” on Sunday. No email, social networking, etc. I had the most awesome day with my hubby. W smiled and laughed all day.

    I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it so I didn’t tell him about my “dedicated down day”. I didn’t make a plan or have a schedule for the day.

    OMG…it was fab…….! There were three most awesome benefits….first…my husband was super happy because he had my attention; “we” had an absolutely wonderful day of giggles and fun; and I was totally relaxed and ready to rock Monday morning!

    Great video…. Patti

  32. Wow – what impecable timing!

    As my business grows at rapid fire speed (since RHH Live I must add), it’s tough to pull away from the computer when I’m in full blow “creation” mode. My relationships have been suffering. Majorly.

    Last week after discovering Google Calendar, my right-brained mind got all fancy with color coding my life – including time for PLAY & LOVE. I now schedule it in and treat this time preciously – as it should be.

    At my funeral, I want people to remember how kind and loving I was…not how efficient I was at juggling facebook, twitter & wordpress.

  33. Hey Marie!

    Hot topic AGAIN! Since I´m about to get married and I know I´m gonna face situations like this. My fiance is not an entrepreneur, but he works for a huge company and besides me, he has a pretty strong realtionship with his smart phone!

    It sux. We´ll definitly have to do something about it and I´m gonna start with your awesome tips!

    Thank you!

  34. GREAT info as always and I enjoyed reading several of the other comments as well. This is a really timely topic for me. The #1 recommendation I have already started to implement after reading a wonderful book called “Key’s to the Kingdom” by Allison Armstrong. It has made a HUGE impact in a very short amount of time. It’s amazing what giving your FULL attention to your husband will do! For my current situation right now I am going to start putting away my work after 8pm. I’m hoping this will help me feel less overwhelmed and be more productive during the day.
    Thanks again Marie & Team Forleo!
    -JoAnna

  35. Thank you so much, Marie! Since asking the question, hubs has had a promotion at his job so the tables have turned! We’re going to watch this video together tonight and get to work on our “Marie Plan”.

    You’re the best!

  36. As a dyer (with an e), I couldn’t help but notice — and be very realieved — that dying is prohibited on the Shabbat, but not dyeing. So I can continue to create wonderful colours for my customers, as long as I don’t let myself drop dead.

    😉 Hee Hee Hee! That totally cracked me up. It’s such an easy mistake and everyone makes it — including me sometimes. “I can’t make it for coffee today — I’m dying.” 😉

  37. Great script this week!! Love the text overlays:)

    NO DOUBT proactivity is a key idea, Marie! You’ve got to know the work spikes are coming to manage your honey’s expectations. Which reminds me of the adage about getting the oxygen mask on yerself first, then on your children. So being organized in the biz is essential for managing all relationships outside.

    I’d add that structured work time is the alternative I’ve found helpful. Outside of mutually agreed work hours, there’s space for the rest of life.

    And Shabbat Rocks! Especially during work/creative spikes true down time has been essential. For years I didn’t schedule ANYTHING on Saturday and Sunday. I did things, but all were spontaneous and feed my soul’s needs du jour.

  38. Ha! Guilty as charged 🙂 My husband and I actually had this exact conversation last night and we agreed that Sundays would be our no internet/computer days. He spends as much time on there as I do so both of us need to find some balance. I try to be present in our conversations as much as possible but realize that there is a little more work to be done in that area, so that is something I will definitely be implementing more of as we move forward. Great video, thanks Marie!

  39. Love it as always, Marie!

    As a recovering workaholic, I can vouch for all of these tips (although I’m pretty sure we haven’t been calling our together time hip hop shabbat, but that might have to change).

    I gotta say, after instigating my no working after 6 p.m. and no working on the weekend policy (unless I’m launching something big, and seriously, even then the extra time has to be really, really necessary), I am SO much more productive during the shorter hours that I work, because let’s face it, how many of us can sit in front of our computer and truly be productive for 10 (or 12 or 16) hours straight, day after day, with no Facebook, no Twitter, no nothing. Yeah, right. If we really kept track of that time, we might be surprised how much of it is being frittered away.

    When I started shortening my work day, I knew that I had to get my sh*t done by 6:00, so all of the little time wasters fell to the wayside, and–bonus–I’m not a cranky ass with my husband because I’m overworking myself and I feel so much more creative, generous and inspired.

    Thanks for the awesome Q&A, Marie!!

    • I really like your comment. It’s true what you say, how many of us can sit in front of a computer for 10-16 hours and Truly be Productive! I am definitely revamping how I work!

  40. Great post! I struggle with this a lot. I really like the bit about communicating one’s schedule and workload and just what it is we are actually DOING when it might look, to a non-entrepreneur, that we’re just screwing around on Twitter or Facebook or Etsy or whatever.

    My partner has now started working on his own art while I’m tied up working in the evenings so it’s a win-win — he’s getting a lot done himself.

    The thing is, though… a partner can’t have it both ways. He/she can’t on one hand tell you that you need to be making more income through your business, and then turn around and complain about the time you’re spending on your business. Especially when one has a day job so the only time available to work on one’s business is in the evenings! Still struggling with communicating over that bit.

  41. I am really blessed with a brilliant husband who totally supports my work (and who often does more ideation than me!). That said, I’m working on curbing my bad habit of sleeping next to the iphone…

    We share simple daily rituals such as long morning showers (If you have the option, I highly recommend creating a large bathroom space where you EACH get a showerhead). Every night we decompress by either taking a really long walk, playing at the dog park, or going to the gym – this time with no computers, no ipads, no cell phones, no employees or other outside distractions allows us to really connect. One of the best things we did recently was build a club in our basement — he can DJ and I can dance ..most cathartic space in the house!

  42. I’m having the same issue but with my kids. It started with my seven year old saying how her little friend doesn’t like it when her mom’s on the computer all the time too (funny enough, both of them are homeschooled). Ugh, that kinda broke my heart. I’m trying hard to limit my work to allotted times like before the kids wake and just one hour after lunch.

    Not to say my husband doesn’t complain too! But these scheduled times seem to help some.

  43. I do implement Strategy 3 … but sometimes sneak in phone updates…
    THAT is going to stop! I am going to practice being totally unplugged. I’m good at taking time away from the computer, but I still feel an urge to check my phone or iPad. At night, I always take a few hours for ME. And during the day, I take an hour or two for my workouts.

    Thanks Marie!

  44. Thanks, Marie! this is a great reminder. I do find that when I make a concerted effort to focus on either business or my husband/family everyone is happier. One of the things I love about providing the services I do is that I know it helps my clients to have more time to focus on the people that are important to them while still growing their businesses. An excellent side benefit to being a VA and OBM!

    Looking forward to next week’s video – there are always such good nuggets of wisdom!

  45. My man is awesome at work-life separation… when he’s home, he keeps me in check. It’s only every now and then that we find ourselves puttering around on our computers when we’d rather be chatting or doing something together. The trick for us has been to leave the apartment for one day on the week-ends, and then usually the other day is spent at home making food, relaxing, etc.

    We don’t check our smartphones when we’re out, so it’s mainly our computers we need to get away from. 😉

  46. Three things that really helped me – 1. adopt a “set-times” in-box check policy, 2. leave your smartphone in an inconvenient location (so it’s not an appendage) and 3. Hip Hop SHABBAT! YES!

    BTW – all of these are WAAAAY easier said than done, and I fall off the wagon – a lot. Even if you are single, you owe it to your own sanity.

    And… no transferring domains on the sabbath!! 😉

  47. Hi Marie! 🙂

    Tip #3 is definitely one I need to work on. I’ve done it in the past, but have kinda slacked off a bit and not been consistent with it. I also like the idea of checking in with my partner once a day to go over what we’re both up to. We do this a little bit, but again, could be a lot more consistent with it. 😉

    I’m going to sit down with my honey later today and bring this up to see what his thoughts are and what we can do to work both of these in more consistently. 🙂

  48. Marie! This was awesome!

    Since me and my fiance, Mike, are both entrepreneurs, this issue has been especially challenging for us. Both of us working from home and being totally passionate about our projects really has given us our fair share of issues.

    We quickly realized a few of things we had to do to get it together so we could kick ass in business and in our relationship:

    1) Like you suggested in the vid, we have mini meetings to check-in with each other on our projects. We’ve also linked up our google calendars so we can see what each other has planned for the day/week/month, which has helped so much. Doing these two things is a must because Mike helps me a lot with my tech stuff; having a mini meeting on Sunday so he can know what I need help with for the following week and then a Friday check-in to see how those projects have unfolded helps him not only help me, but also keeps me in check and respect his time….aka not take his generous nature for granted.

    2) The day off! YES! Hip-hop Shabbat is SO important. A few months ago I had a total breakdown and told him I NEED A DAY TO JUST KICK IT! It seemed like everyday there was some work related thing to do or some webinar to catch up on …it was making me a little nutty. I told him it was a must for my sanity and for our relationship. We started to do that but I have to admit, we have been shitty about still answering one or two emails. After your video today, we both agreed to get our Hip-Hop Shabbat on Saturdays (zero work or social media).

    3) We make time to get out of the house and do our own thang. This was a must, especially since Mike had moved in with me from NYC…he had to get out there and find his own groove. When we make time to do our things separate from each other it not only gives us a break from work but it also feeds us creatively, physically, and socially…and when we come back together we are that much more loving and excited to see each other cause we had time fuel our own interests.

    Keep these amazing videos coming!

    Love you!

  49. shantala

    hi marie again stellar video!~

    i am single but still overwhelmed by my workoholic schedule.

    i’ve done 2 things:
    quality not quantity: 1 task at a time instead of 5 hours of multitasking 3 things at once.

    scheduling mandatory me time to date and find me a man lol

  50. Marie, I love this topic! Thanks for talking about it.

    I’m married to an amazing man who is incredibly supportive about my business. Where we get in trouble is when I’m doing personal growth work related to my biz. A few years ago, we realized this was hurting our relationship, so we sat down to talk about it. He said he totally supported my growth, he just didn’t want to get left behind. Now that I know that, I make sure to include him whenever I can.

    Another thing we’ve implemented is a monthly money date. We make dinner together and crack open a nice bottle of wine and take a look at all of our accounts together, including my business accounts. It helps him to understand what I’m doing and how that impacts our household.

    • My date night is Saturday and it makes such a huge difference when you are both on the same page.

      Thanks for sharing your story.

  51. Yes, the joy/challenge of making sure my husband has his needs met while feeding my business. I’ve done strategies one and two but It’s the third strategy where I need a little work. We go out all the time,but when I get home I just “have to” check my emails, work on just one more program, and create a newsletter campaign. (the list is endless)

    In Kanye voice -That’s Cray

    I love my husband enough know that he is a priority so I’m definitely putting in more boundaries and limits around my work schedule.

    Great question and answer.

  52. Not too long ago my main squeeze was complaining that I brought the iPhone into bed too much when it should have been time to unwind. This really woke me up and I felt terrible about leaving him there in the dark as he would patiently lay aside me… Almost unnoticed. Our bond/friendship comes first so since then I’ve made sure to leave the phone, and laptop where they belong – on the bedside table or shelf come the time I knew he would be arriving home from work (which is pretty late anyhow). We always tell one another what’s going to be up for the day, or like you mentioned, big events or projects for the week so we have a heads up. We love to share everything together and our time to rest and reconnect in our sacred space is and always will be more important than getting in that last email or reading that last blog post.
    You rock mama Marie!!! I truly cannot wait and look forward to meeting you at Danielle LaPorte’s FSS book launch party! Woohoo!

  53. Sarah

    While I was watching this:

    “Sarah, turn it off.”
    “It’s only 4 minutes…”

    That.

    • marie

      HA!! Love it 🙂

  54. The “two minutes of full attention” is massive. People, try this–it makes all the difference. As always, Marie, your vids are right on. Thanks for this one.

  55. Totally spot on, once again. I love your third tip about the hip-hop shabbat. I just need to sort myself out and make this a priority! Me and my boyfriend have been talking about having a weekly ‘us’ day for months now, but we always seem to end up on our laptops by mid-afternoon. I guess it doesn’t help that my business is very much in the pipeline and I have a day job which takes up so much of my time, so weekends are the only chance I get to do the work I love… I can’t let my personal life slip though. Thanks for the reminder!

  56. These are great tips for mommy-preneurs as well. My child is more demanding and less understanding than my man…It is so important that he not get lost in the cracks of my dream.

  57. Love it, Marie!

    Yes, workaholism can definitely kill a relationship. Snaps to that. Been there. Done that.

    Here’s what I do to keep things “fair and balanced”:

    1. Honor our date night on Friday nights — we start it @ 4pm…..electronics not permitted.

    2. Before bed (unless I am up against a deadline) we have an unspoken rule about “No Electronics” — we read, talk, listen to chillaxin music, get quiet…or…..well….you know 🙂 (yes, Mayi, I think we did just say that on the inter webs!)

    3. I take time to let him know what’s going on with my biz. I include him in my business by “letting him in”. Not an overwhelming amount, but enough so he feels a part of. So it is no longer my “little secret”. While sometimes I think that it is too complicated to explain to him and he won’t get it anyway…..I stop and pray for patience. And I also ask for the guidance to be more openminded, and that as my partner in crime, if I withhold info, I am not being my true authentic self 🙂

    Thanks again for your thought provoking emails — can’t wait for B-School to start up again!

    xo
    A

  58. Checking in with your loved one is key. Heck, everything boils down to effective communication.

  59. Super important reminder Marie! Thanks! No Half-steppin’ is a biggie for me – really it is a great tool to apply to all areas of life. Focus on one thing at a time.

    Our sexual energy is also our creative energy, and if you are working all the time it is a lot harder to keep it flowing…

    Date Day is my favorite day of the week 🙂 For anyone looking for some extra info on having that day off together, here is The Dish On Date Night/Day: http://www.allisonbraun.ca/the-dish-on-date-night/

  60. The hubby and I pretty much disconnect once per week, usually on Sunday. We see a movie, go out to eat, whatever we want and reconnect. I find this has really helped me and my business in setting this boundary. I will recharged and energized come Monday. 🙂

    I also super appreciate trying to have dinner together a couple of times a week (not always possible), but this is where we catch up…and hey, you both gotta eat!

  61. I love this topic, because I’m so successful in this. I did have any strategy, but just common sense. However, if I were interviewed by someone talking about relationship and business and time. I’ll probably answer this way.
    1. Engaging. My partner, luckily, because of his specialty, is well engaged in my business, especially in a lot of thought procesing. He’s such a great thinker. He’s on my advice panel so to speak. It makes him feel he’s part of my business. I share everything in my business with him, and he loves it, and he loves putting his 2 cents in it. He knows where I am so I don’t have to explain to him hoping he’ll understand me. We don’t live in an “either… or” world. We live in an “and” world. We always remind each other about it.
    2. We just changed our gym membership to the same one. And we found the kinethese program works well with couples. We enjoy working out together so much that once when there was only one spot left, we decided not to take it.

    Over all, I think mentally I don’t distiguish “career life” with “personal life” and separate them so much. It’s all in the same flow of life. Separation splits our mental and emotional energy. It’s about moment to moment focusing. I love your first idea Marie – Isn’t that also called MINDFULNESS? It is the key to life, whichever aspects of life we are talking about.

  62. The not half steppin is so applicable to what happened last night. I was ignoring (not on purpose) my boyfriend yesterday so I decided to call him. The problem was that when I called him I was still typing to my business partner!
    I felt so bad about calling him and ignoring him more! I’m going to focus on one thing at a time from now on.
    That and taking a day of rest is something I need to do. That’s totally scary to me and I tend to freak out a bit if I don’t have work to do. May be the ADD, haha. This is going to be really hard to do as I have a 40hr/wk opportunity coming up along with my side art shop and my part time job.

    As for advice I’d give? Well, I always like to talk about my business plans with my boyfriend. I try to get him as excited about them as I am so that he feels more connected to it. He’s more likely to support the project rather than just feel that the projects are taking me away from him this way.

  63. Annie

    I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned yet: online calendars. We use the iCal that automatically syncs our iPhones and Macs, but Google and Yahoo have sharing calendars as well. My husbands travels extensively for work and anytime a gig even comes into the World of Possible, it goes into the calendar and he “invites” me to the gig, so that it shows up on my calendar as well. Same for my work calendar and our family obligations calendar.

    It keeps us informed of what’s going on, allows us to schedule dates, helps me better see what I can and can’t actually accomplish in a given time frame, and helps remind us that the calendars aren’t bookcases – the goal is not to cram them full. If time off is on the calendar (Shabbat or otherwise), it is just as much of a commitment as work time.

  64. This is a lesson we can hear over and over because it waxes and wains like the phases of the moon.
    Always coming back to the relationship- hey, what good is being a bo-zillionaire if you don’t have a squeeze to share it with?
    Turning off the computer and being 100% present is a major key for me.

    I, of course, had to also check out the On a Roll video you posted and well, let’s just say there’s sex on the menu tonight!

    Thanks for keeping it real!

  65. I could not agree more. I do all of these except the full day off thing (I should work on this). Anyhow, it has not only helped my relationship, but also improved my productivity because it ain’t rocket science- if you do one thing half-assed or here and there, your full attention cannot be on it…and whatever you are doing suffers (please excuse the run-on sentence). That is my hip-hip jigga response today!

  66. Omg! I SO needed this video! I just launched a business last year and 90% of it requires me to be in the world wide web. Being that we have two young sons, I HAVE to take sabbaths. Lord help me!

  67. During my busy season taking a full weekend day “off” is out of the question, so we modified it a bit… after 6pm every Tuesday, the computers were turned off and that was our time together. It worked great to even put aside those few hours!

    A few extra things me and my fiancee do to ease the stress of how much I work:

    1. Always have dinner together. ALWAYS. No eating in front of your computer while you work. And then go to bed at the same time.

    2. Can your guy help with your business in any way without causing a rift? I taught mine how to be my assistant, so normally when I’d be away for a whole Saturday, he can now be out there with me. Even though it’s work, it gives us so much more bonding time. Added bonus: keeps more money in the household.

  68. My husband and I were raised orthodox jews and kept the actual (no plowing or tying or electricity) Shabbat until we were adults. Then we stopped. Now that we have a family and are both building our own businesses, and we spend a LOT of time online. I have many times thought that i miss the days when we were FORCED to sit around and do nothing but hang out with family…. but I thought maybe it was just me and my distorted perception of things based on my upbringing. This video hit home and was EXACTLY the kick in the tush I needed to help me realize that there is logic and good thinking behind that idea! Now that I have a name and precedent for it, I can create a hip-hop shabbat— gefilte fish and all!

  69. My hubby and I are both workaholics, but understanding of each other. I love the idea of one entire day off the computer!

  70. Always with so much to teach us. Yes Marie! I had learned that giving a notice in advance to hubby was powerful, but all the other tips were outstanding! How can we live without you?? 🙂
    I’m sharing it so we all can be helped 🙂

    Vitoria

  71. Great advice as always my friend! It really hits home about really being present with your partner. And I love the list…. NO slaughtering, curing…”transferring domains” – that last one really got me!

  72. Sharon

    Great recommendations, how easy it is for all people to get caught up in work on the weekends, happening more and more in aussie where I am, people being able to contacted from work on weekends and they actually stop what they are doing and reply by text.

  73. Marie – I loved Hip Hop Sabot! Very fun. I know that I am most refreshed when I have had a whole day unplugged from technology. I have slipped a little lately and this video was a great reminder to take one full day off and play with my man. Can’t wait for the next B School.

  74. My husband has his own business and is a musician, I’m an unschooling professional mom turned business owner a year ago, so we’re busy.

    Family time is sacred so on Sundays we completely unplug, go for hikes, do artwork, cook and play and hang all together; extended date nights on Saturday + dinners together every other night that he’s home + late night candlelight baths when he has late band nights keeps our connection strong…after 16 years together, it’s still enchanting 😉

    I once heard that men only require 20 minutes of solid attention a day to be satisfied…no half-stepping! That may be exaggerated, but when I give my man my undivided attention, time expands. Works for kids too!

    And when I am on deadlines or on a launch, passionate minute long kisses on arrivals and departures make up for alot of misdemeanors 😀

  75. This is marriage-saving stuff. Seriously. People pay big money to therapists for those three steps.

    Thanks Marie!

  76. Thanks for this post Marie. Much needed – though it’s very difficult to know how to stop sometimes, I’m learning to listen to myself a little bit more – rather than only stopping when my brain starts to fuzz out or when I start to cry uncontrollably over things like only having 3-day off milk in the fridge… don’t judge…

    My husband and I have a friday date night and we try to take a long walk along the beach together on Saturdays. I can definitely tell the difference when we don’t make these a priority!

  77. Spot on! Will dó number One from this moment. Number three Will be a nice rule also for my son who loves t play ón his computer. Saturday everybody Will try to be offline… All day. Love Dorte (Denmark)

  78. Ahem — I’m feeling this. Big time.

    My partner and I are building a business together full-time (no “day jobs”,) so we struggle to balance our relationship with the many demands of our life as entrepreneurs who aren’t rolling in the dough just yet. We have been trying to work on the “half-steppin'” issue as there are too many times where I know I’m not giving her my full attention, and vice versa. Step #2 isn’t too tricky since we do work together most of the time. 😉

    Step #3 is REALLY rough, though — my partner is the CEO of our little business and her brain seems to be churning 24/7 with business matters. Even when we’re on our little dates, I will catch her checking email on the ol’ iPhone and disconnecting from me “for just a sec” (i.e., several minutes) to respond to an email.

    She has explained to me that she’s “trying to build a business based upon good customer service,” and I totally get that, but it hurts my feelings because these emails aren’t truly emergencies. I feel like I need her to be present during our special time together much more than this client needs her to respond to an email at 7PM on a Saturday night. Plus, I keep saying that clients will respect her more if she sets boundaries… but she says that if she doesn’t respond right away, she feels like she might lose a big opportunity or make a client angry.

    I think I’m going to share this video and bring up the subject again. Thanks for hitting upon the importance of this! I’d love to institute a weekly “Hip Hop Shabbat” time so we can make a habit of disconnecting from the technology and reconnecting with each other. 🙂

  79. Great advice Marie, as always. My husband and I instituted our own version of Hip Hop Shabbat years ago while we were both self employed. I know it saved our marriage back then. Now that he has a more traditional day job (that he adores!) while I still have my own business we have a new ritual that is helping us stay connected. When he gets home from his 9-6 we prepare dinner together (ok, I cook, he keeps me company, it works) and have “Hi Honey How Was Your Day?” We talk about what was new, what was special, what was funny, what pissed us off, and any special issues coming up the next day. Even if there is nothing particular of note there’s always someone who made a joke at his office or a new episode of MarieTV that made me think of something. Its our daily connection time and it makes a huge difference.

  80. All 3 of your solutions are rock-solid, Marie, and I’ve used them all. Thank you for grounding them so succinctly.

    I take your 3rd point even further – and implement it across the board, whenever I’m with another person: my cell phone is OFF. I send the message to my companions that THEY are what’s most important to me in that moment – and I demonstrate that, not just give voice to it. Unless, as you say, I’m expecting a vital call, I’m all theirs.

    We are not as emotionally advanced as our technology, and this is evidenced by behavior none of us need seek too long to find: we are slave to incoming stimuli. Instead of being proactive in what we let in (would you leave your front door wide open and let every person who walked by enter and distract you from your life? Noooo), we succomb to living in reactive mode.

    Let’s take the reins and become in “right” relationship with our tools, and not let our tools dictate our minds. As Emerson has often been quoted, “”Things are in the saddle, / And ride mankind.”

    If anyone is interested in learning more about the (possibly detrimental) effects of our tech-driven world, may I recommend this book:

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Shallows-Internet-Doing-Brains/dp/0393072223

    Kudos to all who are fully present with others!

  81. claire

    Okay, I’m going to be childish and say that the two things I loved most about your video this week were:

    1) the introduction (the long raspberry)

    2) the ending (‘This is the best day ever’ …cue lots of laughter from you & your team.)

    You always give good advice, but your videos are such fun to watch
    no matter what the advice – thank you for the great laughs!

  82. Keasha Lee

    Hey Marie!

    You are SO right on with this video regarding the amount of time we can spend growing our businesses. I shall implement your tip #3 this Saturday as I have booked tickets for my partner and I to a show (Tyler Perry as Madea) in Washington, DC and thanks to you, I will also incorporate the no “Twitter, FB, or Answering-this-one-email” for the entire day. I’m sure he will appreciate it and I will, too!

    Thank you!

    Keasha

  83. Hip hop Shabbat – you crack me up!

  84. This girl is stupid funny! I can relate big time because I am a workaholic, but my relationship is super important and it always comes first. I try and plan out a weeks worth of posts for my blog or guests posts ahead of time so I can relax, clear my brain and plan the following week. This also gives me the time I need to spend time with the people that mean the most to me, but when they go to bed, I might be up for 2 hours commenting, responding to comments or reading other blog posts. Plan, Plan, Plan or everything else will suffer. Great video Marie!

  85. Sara

    I LOVEEEEE hip hop Shabbat! Can you PLEASE do a WHOLE video on hip hop shabbat (not just related to relationships)? I love your videos Marie– thank you! They are so entertaining and FULL of wisdom!

    • Ditto — Hip Hop Shabbat video by popular demand! Even though I’m not Jewish, I’ve had this weird connection with Judaism from a young age. One of the things I’ve most admired about the religion are their rituals & traditions. There’s something special about setting aside a day of rest with intention.

      Love ya Marie!

  86. This I needed to hear. The just check one email thing gets me every time.
    I think I’ll start with a half day of no emailing first and then work myself up to a full day. Great stuff!

  87. nidhi

    marie,

    i didn’t think i could love you more- then you include kane in one of your videos. incredible!

    rock on, you b-girl, you!

    🙂

  88. No half steppin is what I need to work on most.. I feel like I am always on the computer, from the time I wake up until I fall into bed at night, usually just because I am “doing something real quick” rather than actually working toward a clear goal. I could get just as much done if I were to give my full attention to my family or to my work in a more defined way.

  89. Marie,

    This video is going to spin on repeat:
    1) To keep me in check
    2) To keep me giggling
    3) To shout out “Boo ya! This woman here is my biz coach!!!”

  90. I totally needed this!

    I’m having such a hard time convincing my hubs that I really DO need to come home from my corp. job and work on growing my own biz – gotta hustle if you want to make it, right? He totally supports me but gets frustrated with all my working sometimes.
    Definitely putting these steps in to play this weekend! Thanks Marie!

  91. Hey Marie,

    Awesome vid thanks, it made me giggle! This is definitely a growing issue in my life as our biz grows, so it’s great to reflect. It’s about self-discipline for me – I totally know when I am going overboard and need to turn the laptop off completely, put it away even, to make sure I am 100% present for Sam and Baby Isabella when we’ve switched into family time.

    Will definitely be sharing around,
    Janine

    P.s I agree with Natalie and Ameena’s comments about looking like you are working all the time, when really you are not! It does look different from the outside to 9-5’ers and family, who see you hunched over your comp all the time. The same goes for interruptions when you are home-based, sometimes people just don’t seem to get that you are working! My partner struggles with this as an artist too. People always come in for a ‘chat’ and he’s a friendly chap. Two hours later and he’s complaining cause he hasn’t got any work done! Perhaps the subject of another video…

  92. Marie – freakin fab advice ….love love love it!!! xo

  93. zoe nameche

    I discover your blog with this video and I already love it !

    Thanks That’s just what I need right now.

  94. Izzy

    I can totally relate! Great video and our poor hubbies often get the short stick she we grow our businesses.

    One more tip that I found totally worked for me – “stop using time-poverty language”. You often create your relationship with time by the language you use, eg “I’m super busy”, “I’m swamped”, etc etc. and this attracts that reality. By using positive affirmations about time (“I have plenty of time”) I found I attracted greater balance into my life. Events and deadlines rearrange into a more manageable flow. Woohoo!

  95. Marie.. How do we contact you to ask a potential Tuesday Question?

    I have looked everywhere (including YouTube) but can’t find the info.

    thx, dee 🙂

  96. Yes, I had to implement these fantastic “marriage-saving” tips a few months ago and they’ve worked wonders. It’s really about showing the same respect for your spouse that you would expect if the situation was reversed. Ohh… and I ♥ the intro. lol

  97. LOVE LOVE LOVE this one!
    Huge challenge for me! The one I get is, why am I last on your ‘to do’ list…yikes….
    4 sons, one dog and a HUGE passion for my work….hard to balance it all.
    there was a discussion on facebook last week, how many successful women entrepreneurs have an 6 or 7 figure biz, kids and a happy marriage. Very few if the truth be told….that’s sad.
    I’m determined to prove it possible!
    So we have a screen free day for all, kids and us! And though I work alot of evenings….serving an international clientete on all time zones….I do have sacred evenings for us.
    It’s an on-going challenge but definately high priority.
    What are we without love in our lives? Eh?
    Thanks Marie, love what you do! Hope to get to one of your events soon!

  98. Great ideas Marie,
    Now the key is to get everyone to use them. When I want to “shut off” I leave my phone in my purse………turned OFF! If there is an emergency call 911. We have become so reliant on our phones, emails etc that we are missing some of the most important things in life. This leads to more disorganization which leads to more wasted time. Train yourself to not be addicted to your electronics. I have date night once a week with my man and there are no phones, no work allowed. We have done this for the past 18 yrs

  99. MARIE Marie…I’ve been following you for 2 or so years now and I’ve been sitting here admiring your fashion sense SOOO I thought it was time to ask you where you buy your clothes from?

    I particularly LOVE this beautiful skirt you are wearing in this video? Care to tell a girl where it’s from? 😀

  100. Olívia Nascimento

    Every people pass for this a certain moment in the life! But we have to control the use of internet and others because can be bad for the relationship ( like prepare a date for you and your husband in a normal day) for the routine don’t control us : )
    Kisses for all fas Marie
    Olívia Peltier

  101. I relate with Amy … I fully agree with your suggestions 😉

  102. Olivia Andrews

    Hey Marie!

    I loved this video so much!! It’s got all the problems i have regarding my boyfriend. He wasn’t like this before, but things have come up and i know he has to work extra hard to keep up and has decided to do some extra work after getting home as well. (although he’s not self-employed, he works for a company)
    But its very difficult for me to accept these changes, coz im still an undergrad (so basically still with my books), it’s kinda hard for me to understand the whole work-money-saving up for the future scenario.
    Although, he’s a great guy, as and i did mail this link to him. Hopefully he’ll understand a lil bit more after watching it 🙂 coz i’ve tried explaining to him, and him to me so many times, but ended up fighting most of the time 🙁
    pls let me know what i could do too…..

    Thanks for the awesome video and you look super great!

    Love,
    Olivia

  103. *sheepishly raises hand* I’m totally guilty of this. I just cannot stop. But I have figured out a solution that makes the soon-to-be-hubs feel included and valuable. Because he is!

    On my blog we are all about projects, of a DIY nature usually. Because the STBH is quite handy and enjoys projects, we do them together. It’s tons of fun, and the gardening projects get us both all sweaty and tan and in good shape. I have tried to transition the business to be one that we can both be involved in, and now that he’s all invested in what we’re doing, he’s coming up with more things to add to the editorial calendar (and he knows what that is!).

    It really works like magic. In my day job I am a barber, so I get to peek around the inner workings of many men’s brains, and all they really want is to be useful. Some caveman/provider dynamic, I’m sure, but if you can make them feel like they are valuable, a lot of the other crap just melts away.

    Loved this video. Thanks, Marie!

  104. Donna

    I understand giving yourself a break so you don’t get burnt out. But I can’t image calling my boyfriend at his job and whining that he’s not paying enough attention to me. So he has to understand that just because I’m working at home doesn’t mean it’s time for me to pay attention to him. I feel like this is a problem only women allow themselves to have.

  105. This is awesome Marie once again. I have a different reminder for me to have something to focus on that day in my relationship. This like forgive and forget, live as though this is your last day, praise days etc

  106. This is what he complains about All The Time. I love the idea of a Hip Hop Shabbat though.

  107. I know I saw this earlier and I know I deliberately put off watching it for the sake of “getting something else done”. Now I wish I’d taken the time to watch it sooner rather than later.

    I think for me #1 is the most important to work on first. I have a nasty habit of trying to multi-task and therefore divide my attention leaving me less than effective at everything I’m doing. I know when I get partial attention I get irritable over it and I would then just rather not have the attention at all!

    Ideally I think it would be great to have these systems in place before things got too bad. I think other things can bolster them however, such as real & authentic open communication. If something bothers you, don’t hold back to spare feelings (but don’t verbally flay the other person). If you really need to use certain verbage to get your point across do it, but do it in an effort to be honest not as a shock tactic.

    Another tactic, is that you need to love & respect yourself first before you can do that for others. You and your time and energy are valuable to you and the same goes for everyone else. Develop a healthy respect and understand that for other people.

    Know when to ask for help. Sometimes things drag on, they get out of hand and even reach a point of no return. Instead of torturing yourself (and others) over what has been or what could have been take the time to seek help – be it as a couple or individually. Taking the initiative and acknowledging your need shows your strength rather than revealing a weakness.

  108. Bridget

    Awesome! Love it! MY BF and I took a full day off the other week. Went down the coast and took our puppy on his first beach adventure. No phones allowed, no goddamn instagram or facebook. It was HEAVEN. We are both freelancers so we really have to make the effort to totally unplug, otherwise we are both on our computers 24/7. Thanks for another awesome Q&A Marie – probably my favourite one yet.

  109. Connie Fueyo

    I notice when I have taken the time to plan ahead my daily priorities and schedule in communication time it is MUCH EASIER to not go off into techno searching for love and inspiration land any time. The key for me is to have a meaningful and compelling day planned ahead where I really do not want to waste my precious time.

    • Connie

      As far as the relationship piece goes- when I am living in great relationship with self how I spend my time we both have so much more fun and real connection! I am a bit addicted to gathering information andlearning online so gotta watch this. Thanks.

  110. OMG, Marie! Once again, you totally rock my world with fun!!!
    This topic is probably THE most important thing . . . gotta nurture the relationship before we can give the quality goods to our business. I absolutely LOVE hip hop shabbat.. Thank you so so so much. lotsa love xoxoxo

  111. Jan Schochet

    Great (!) advice Marie.

    I love it when I’m able to not be “connected” and it’s now a goal of mine that I’m doing pretty well on.

    Don’t have time to read ALL the awesome posts here right now–but I’ll come back and check them all out–so I don’t know if someone already mentioned this, but a #1 good thing to do on Shabbat–G-d approved and even a commandment IS to have sex.

    Yummy!

    Great way to connect 🙂

  112. Ann

    Perfect advice for me. I love the hip hop shabbot! The funny thing is when I am home on the weekend, I always feel the computer pull me over and half the time, I don’t have anything that I have to get done. It is just habit for me to be in front of the screen since I do love what I do.

    This is what I have to do for hip hop shabbot to work for me…I have to close out all my browsers and shut the laptop the night before so, I don’t get that screen pull. When the laptop is closed, it’s easier for me to enjoy my day off and quality time with my hubby and kids.

  113. Kell

    The problem with my wife is 5 mins is never 5 mins. “I will be finished in 5 mins” turns in to 30 mins, 30 mins in to an hour and so on. There is always a reason. “i ran into such and such” or “one more email”. When I point it out she gets frustrated at me. It drives me crazy.

  114. Johanna so

    My boyfriend and I be together around one and a half month. He is a workaholic and he does those three strategies. We communicate a lot. I have to say that I never complain about he is too busy on work because I understand him. So…. we are good. However, when he went back to visit his family in this Christmas holiday for 20 days, he didn’t find me often. He didn’t text me often or text me back immediately. I know he hanged out with friends and family most of the time, but I think it is not that hard to just say”good morning/good night” everyday. I don’t know if he is not used to text people because he usually busy in normal day or he just doesn’t love me at all. I don’t want someone to break my heart again.

  115. I am not in a (committed) relationship at the moment, but I want to work on using these methods with MYSELF! How often do I only give myself half attention (like B-Schooling in the Bathtub) or lose track of my week (what’s up calendar?) and every single day I’m on that dang phone. I really really want to have one day a week without my phone, but I use it to make plans! To get directions! And it really sucks me in. I will do my best to figure out a compromise, or maybe let people know ahead of time “Sundays I will not be available” and just leave it at that. I’m grateful to have hobbies like yoga and rock climbing where multitasking and phoning it in (literally and figuratively) are not an option. I will look for more of those.

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