Marie Forleo: Hey it's Marie Forleo and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. I've got a question for you. Do you ever feel like you self sabotage around money? Ever wonder if you have some limiting beliefs from childhood that are holding you back? Whether you've got mountains of debt or you just can't seem to get ahead most of us have a next financial level that we would love to get to. If that sounds like you, you are in for a treat today because you're going to learn about four money beliefs that may be holding you back and how to fix them.
Marie Forleo: Kate Northrup is the bestselling author of Money, A Love Story, Untangle Your Financial Woes and Create the Life You Really Want. She created financial freedom for herself at the age of 28 through building a team of more than a thousand wellness entrepreneurs in the network marketing industry. Her philosophy is that if you free yourself financially you can be fully present to your purpose on the planet. She's been featured on the Today Show, the Huffington Post, Glamour, and more. Ms Kate Northrup.
Kate Northrup: Hey.
Marie Forleo: Hey. Thank you so much for being on Marie TV.
Kate Northrup: Thank you so much for having me.
Marie Forleo: So I've just got to say once again, Money, A Love Story, amazing book by Kate. If you don't have it go out and get it ASAP. So, let's talk money because we've been friends for years and I love talking about money, I think it's an amazing topic. It's an integral part of our lives. I'm really passionate about it. And so many people, especially this time in the world, so many people are struggling financially and a lot of people aren't. And so, there's really a possibility for us all to get to that next level. I'm curious, why are you so passionate about this topic?
Kate Northrup: I really see money as a tool for people to be able to show up in a bigger way. Money is neither negative or positive it just is a tool for us to make change. And if we've got a lot of financial chaos going on we're worried about, "How am I going to put food on the table? How am I going to pay the rent? Oh my goodness, where's the mortgage going to come from?" That takes up a lot of bandwidth, a lot of our creative bandwidth, a lot of our power bandwidth, and we're not able to show up in the same way as if our financial lives were in order and taken care of so that we could then come over here and do the things that are higher leverage that are really of service. So getting it together financially is really just a vehicle for being able to show up more fully in your purpose.
Marie Forleo: Yeah, I mean I agree with that 100%. I think you know my story where I started off thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in debt and it sucked. It was really hard to think about how to create everything when I was like, "Oh my God, am I going to have enough to pay rent or to eat or anything like that." And I know for you, you've come a very far way in a short couple of years personally and financially. So can you tell us a little bit about your story and how big of a change you've made in these past couple of years?
Kate Northrup: Sure. So I moved to New York when I was 22 and I promptly got myself into about $20,000 worth of credit card debt, probably a little bit more at some points. And I didn't even know that that was the number until several years in because I had my head dipped so deeply in the sand avoiding looking at it I just was like, "I'll just spend, and spend and spend." And they were on things that were business stuff and courses, it's not like I had a closet full of Jimmy Choos but it was still way beyond my means. And I noticed I was so unconscious about money and I was so avoidant and I was so scared to look at the whole truth.
Marie Forleo: I have a question for you. So would you get bills like they would come in and you just wouldn't open them, you'd stick them in a drawer?
Kate Northrup: Yeah.
Marie Forleo: So did you pay minimums?
Kate Northrup: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Marie Forleo: Okay.
Kate Northrup: I just, I knew what my minimum was on every card and I had a lot of them so it was like this shell game where I would just pay a little more than the minimum which made me feel like, "I'm making a little progress," but I really wasn't and I was just in this quagmire. And I felt really inauthentic because I was out running a business. I was teaching women about different streams of income and thinking in new ways about cashflow. But behind the scenes I had all this financial chaos and I knew I wasn't taking responsibility for it. For the whole thing it felt really, really awful and it wasn't, I mean it was that way around the time that you and I met and I was hiding it.
Marie Forleo: Really?
Kate Northrup: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Marie Forleo: That's so interesting. And so, you were hiding it from most of the world publicly and so how long did it take for you to reach that breaking point where you were like, "Okay, I've had enough, I've got to handle this. I can't do this anymore it just hurts too much."
Kate Northrup: It was about four years.
Marie Forleo: Really?
Kate Northrup: Yeah, it was four years of, I always was a good earner so it was never like I couldn't eat or anything. I could always just keep my little nose above the surface so I could still breathe and it was about four years that I finally sat myself down and said, "You know what? Enough is enough." And I realized that I was holding myself back from being able to be in my full ability to make change in the world by being in financial chaos. I knew that that was a way I was keeping myself small. And so, I just finally decided to do something about it.
Marie Forleo: And so let's fast forward so what are the numbers? How much debt did you get yourself out of and how fast did you do it?
Kate Northrup: When I really made some significant changes in my life I was in about $20,000 it was probably, $21,000. And six months later I had paid it all off basically in one fell swoop and doubled my income and doubled my savings. And it was amazing what happened when I just got my rear in gear and made some critical mindset shifts which we're going to talk about today and it all worked out it was shocking actually.
Marie Forleo: Yeah. Isn't it amazing when that happens and when you actually tell the truth and stop lying.
Kate Northrup: Yes, telling the truth is so huge.
Marie Forleo: It is so huge. I know it can feel so scary. It's not about money but back in my early 20s when I was engaged to be married to someone that I knew I wasn't going to marry but I was terrified of breaking it off because our finances were commingled and I was just so scared. I only lasted about six months in a lie. But living that lie I think we've all experienced that on some level where you know something is not right, you're hiding something big, but you don't have the courage quite yet to break through. And so, I love this topic because we're going to dive into these money beliefs and they're almost like money lies that we're telling ourselves. And if you could just tell yourself the truth there's this incredible opening that can happen and literally your whole life really can change just by changing something on the inside.
Kate Northrup: And fast.
Marie Forleo: Yeah. Yeah.
Kate Northrup: It doesn't have to take a long time.
Marie Forleo: Yeah. I've had some stories from clients and from friends and people that we've had some tough money conversations, not tough between us personally but just being there and supporting them through it and watching how quickly things can turn around even if I've had some people that have been in $100,000, $200,000 debt even if that number doesn't go away as quickly as yours did it goes down really fast. But more importantly who they are in the world changes so significantly.
Kate Northrup: And that's the whole point.
Marie Forleo: Yeah.
Kate Northrup: It's not about the money.
Marie Forleo: Yeah. So, and it's not about the money and it is about the money. So okay, so let's get into it. So you say we have we're going to focus on four beliefs today and the first one that holds us back is someone else should or will do this for me.
Kate Northrup: We take our financial power and we just give it to somebody else. It's so much easier really to just say like, "Hey Marie would you just do this for me." Or, "Hey boss can you just do this for me?" Or," Hey, Prince Charming, future husband who hasn't showed up yet, he'll probably take care of it for me. So I'll just bide my time and keep being irresponsible until that point." For me, it was that I hoped that my mom would just take care of it for me someday.
Marie Forleo: Really?
Kate Northrup: Yeah. It's so embarrassing to even just say that right now but it's true. I wrote about it in my book so it's out there. Yeah. And that is symptomatic of us really feeling like we're not enough to do it and it's just saying, "Well, this is too scary. I don't have what it takes. I'm not smart enough, whatever. And so we wait and we never turn on our full potential because we're hoping somebody else will swoop in at some point and save us.
Marie Forleo: Yeah, it's a big one. I mean there's certainly been areas in my life where I was thinking that someone else was going to handle it for me and I'm pretty sure money was it back in the day. And it's like now it almost feels like a different human being that used to think that way but it is, it's a big one.
Kate Northrup: Yeah, absolutely.
Marie Forleo: Okay, so belief number two I'm not good with money. This is a big one.
Kate Northrup: This is a really big one. Have you ever seen a baby be born and be able to talk and walk?
Marie Forleo: No. On YouTube sometimes.
Kate Northrup: But that pretty much never happens. We've all learned the skills we have and so to think you're just not good with money is holding you back. And our beliefs become our actions, we act in accordance with what our beliefs are and then our actions obviously create our results. That's just a basic equation for life. And when we think, "I'm not good with money," we're setting ourselves up for failure and we actually avoid taking financial steps because we have that thought.
Kate Northrup: So, instead you can take really small actions to start to build your confidence. And the one that I did, again I was really pretty remedial with this so when I started off I was like, "Okay, I just am going to check my bank account balance every day. And when I do that I'm going to give some gratitude for the ways my life is abundant." And I knew if I could just check in with money daily and start being in that relationship and paying attention to it, it would be powerful. And when I started doing that every day I set a little Google calendar alarm, 8:30 AM check your bank account balance, my income increased and I stopped spending more than I made. It was just like paying attention pays off and I started to be better and better and better with money because I was paying attention to it.
Marie Forleo: I love that. And also just the things that we tell ourselves. I mean we joke around a lot about it here on Marie TV. There are sometimes we're shooting an episode and literally I'm flubbing this line that I really want to get across again and again and we all joke and every expletive comes out and I'm like, "Okay, I've got this. I've got this." I tell myself, "I've got this." And wouldn't you know nine times out of 10 I'm like, "Bam," and I can get it and I deliver that line. So it's the same thing with like, "I'm not good with money," if you tell yourself you're not good with money you're never going to take the steps to do anything about it. And it's almost like you just got blinders on, you're never going to take them off.
Kate Northrup: Totally.
Marie Forleo: Yeah. So it's easy to change. I love that. I love that simple step though of just checking in daily. And the other thing I like about it is you can remove the fear. Because I know for me there was a time when opening my checkbook was really scary and it actually produced physical sensations of wanting to throw up because there wasn't enough in there, at least that's the story I told myself. There was actually enough in there because here I am, I didn't disintegrate. I wasn't getting taken off to jail or something but that was a feeling so.
Kate Northrup: Yeah, and we can train ourselves like Pavlov's dog to spend that time with our bank account and look at it and then automatically say, "Okay, I'm going to name three things in my life that I'm grateful for that feel abundant." And you're training and rewiring your brain so that you're associating looking at your money with feeling good.
Marie Forleo: I love that. Money belief number three, people with money are greedy or it's not spiritual to have money.
Kate Northrup: Yeah, I know that this is one you actually covered with Marianne Williamson in your audio which was so fantastic. And when we have a judgment against somebody for having something and it's very common with money there's this whole lack mentality of rich people are greedy or they've stepped on other people to get there or something first of all that's assumption. We never know really how people got where they're at and chances are pretty good that they worked hard to get there and that they deserve it because of the time they've put in.
Kate Northrup: And when we judge them automatically our subconscious mind will never allow us to have the abundance or prosperity that we want if we're judging other people for having it. Because why would it let us be the evil person that we're saying, "Oh well they're bad because they have money or they're selfish," whatever it is.
Marie Forleo: They're dishonest.
Kate Northrup: Yes, that's a big one. So anytime that comes up and also anytime it comes up well it's not spiritual to be rich or to have money. Money is a stand in for what we value so if somebody wants something that you offer like B school for example and they value it according to the amount that it costs that's a service, that's an exchange of value for value that's tremendous and the value they're receiving in their life is huge and then you get to receive that in exchange.
Kate Northrup: That's all that money is, just trading value for value. And when we add value to somebody else's life to me that's a spiritual act to say, "You know what? I see that you have a need and I have something I can help you with." And then to receive in exchange for that is how it should be, that is the flow. So if we start to see money as a means of value exchange and as a means of how can I look at the world and say, "Where can I add value? Where can I help somebody?" Then the whole thing begins to be rewired and we realize, "I will become more prosperous to the degree that I'm able to add value to somebody's life."
Marie Forleo: I love that. That's beautiful. And I get really up in arms about that whole judging people for not spiritual to have money. Don't get me on my soap box. Money belief number four, I'm not blank enough. As I eat my hair. I'm not blank enough.
Kate Northrup: Okay. So I'm not blank enough. It could be I'm not smart enough, I'm not talented enough, I didn't come from the right background. Whatever it is, it's immediately taking you out of the game. So, anytime we don't value ourselves what ends up happening is when we're out in the world even if we're providing really good value, if we're not seeing our worth we're not going to get the value in exchange for that. No one will value you more than you value yourself. So, we need to learn to value ourselves. And you can really, really practically, I mean the whole self love thing I'm always like when I hear about it ...
Marie Forleo: Do you roll your eyes?
Kate Northrup: I do yeah because and I teach it because it's really important and pretty much I think the solution to anything is loving yourself more but it's like, "How do I do that?"
Marie Forleo: And what does that mean.
Kate Northrup: What does that even mean? So really practically what you can do is get out a journal and every for at least 21 days, because that's what studies show it takes to form a new habit right in there three things you value about yourself or three ways that you added value to somebody's life that day. So, you could be like, "I was so funny today on Marie's ..."
Marie Forleo: I was so inappropriate I made people laugh.
Kate Northrup: Exactly and that was great. Or I could say, "I did a Skype interview today," and I know I added value to whoever's going to watch that one. So whatever it is. And then what we're doing is we're building that muscle and training ourselves to notice A things that we value about ourselves and things that are valuable about us and B ways that we've added value to somebody else's life which we'll tune our radar in so that during the day we're seeing more opportunities and we're saying like, "I could add a little value over there, there's an opportunity there." And it makes us better business people and it makes us better humans. So that's a great way to train yourself and write those three things down every day and it'll make you feel like the next day you'll be like, "I do something." And it's a fabulous way to celebrate yourself and to increase your value.
Marie Forleo: Yeah, I have to say I love this one. Not so long ago we did an episode about valuing your worth and we spoke, we were aiming that at artists and creatives and it was shocking and beautiful to me and heartbreaking at the same time to see how many of us struggle with that. And it doesn't matter what level you're at like you could feel like you're just starting out on your financial journey or your career journey or you can be further along. And there's times for me where I am just like the little fear comes up. And so, I love that suggestion also because adding value to someone's life could mean smiling.
Kate Northrup: Oh absolutely.
Marie Forleo: It can be an act of kindness. It can be taking a pause and making a phone call and letting someone know that you love them. So it doesn't have to be necessarily because I always hear the little chirpy chirpies like, "Everything is a business." Like no shut up it doesn't have to be a business transaction it can actually be really a beautiful act of kindness and love and compassion that you put out into the world.
Kate Northrup: And the value we receive back, the abundance we receive back might be financial and it might be something else. You and I both know that abundance is a lot of different things it's our health, it's our relationships, it's our peace of mind. I mean a life that's rich and wealthy is a lot of different things beyond your bank account.
Marie Forleo: Kate, this was awesome.
Kate Northrup: Thanks.
Marie Forleo: Thank you so much for coming. What a rich discussion.
Kate Northrup: Thanks for having me.
Marie Forleo: And hopefully we'll keep talking about this and we're going to keep talking about this in the comments right now. Now Kate and I have a challenge for you. What is one money belief that's been holding you back? It doesn't matter where you're at on your financial journey we've all got one. And then what we want to hear about also besides the money belief that's holding you back, what's one action you could take that demonstrates you are ready for a new level of abundance in your life? Tell us about it in the comments below. Now as always the best discussions happen after the episode over at marieforleo.com so go there and leave a comment now.
Marie Forleo: Did you like this video? If so, subscribe and share it with your friends. And if you want even more resources to create a business and life that you love plus some personal insights from me that I only talk about in email get your buns over to marieforleo.com and sign up for email updates. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I'll catch you next time on Marie TV.
Marie Forleo: B-School is coming up. Want in? For more info and free training go to joinbschool.com. We've got that [inaudible 00:18:32] Maybe that's why I like horror movies because I'm always possessed, I have a demon inside me. She says I need to be a little more glossy. How many people when you show up for work tell you how handsome you are and they mean it? [crosstalk 00:18:44]