Hey – did you get your ticket to Rich Happy & Hot LIVE in October?
If you plan to be there, don’t “wait and think about it.” Tickets are moving faster than we expected, which I’m beyond grateful for.
Now onto today’s video which answers a hugely important question.
How do you know the difference between when you’re out of your comfort zone (which often kicks up some major fear) vs. when your gut is telling you NOT to do something?
This is really important because, as you know, fear is normal and needs to be moved through. It often indicates that an opportunity is ideal for you.
But intuition, on the other hand, rarely steers you wrong and signals alarms that can save your butt, big time.
If you’re confused, don’t worry. Because in this video you’ll learn two, no-fail strategies to instantly get your answer. These simple techniques will help you make the **right choice** for you, every time.
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your experience with this topic: fear vs. intuition. Of course, if you have any other strategies that work, let me know.
HEADS UP– We just confirmed two amazing sponsors for Rich Happy & Hot LIVE – both women run and owned companies that make delicious treats: one super healthy, one super decadent – both involve chocolate. As if you needed another reason to come…
With sand-in-your-bikini summer love,
xo
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I totally agree! It is so important to be aware of your body’s reaction. Whenever I feel happy butterflies mixed with fear I know that it is something I need to do. Fear always comes along with anything that makes you grow or stretch outside of your comfort zone.
Holy, I love how you say “Fear always comes along with anything that makes you grow or stretch outside of your comfort zone.” With practice, we can even tap into this fear and see if it has any valuable message for us. It usually does…
I love your tips on this Marie: it can be tricky to tell the difference between fear & intuition but again, with practice (and trial and error!) it gets easier.
I personally feel a drop of energy when it’s a “no” and a surge of energy when it’s a “yes”. Just another way to recognize, listen & act on intuition
I think you were reading my mind Marie. I just has this same conversation with Kris Ward! Thank you for posting. I love your stuff, yo’!
Thanks Heather
Fear vs. intuition is a great topic Marie. Thanks for the great insights on expansion and contraction.
I’ve noticed in my life that decisions based on intuition are not forced, they feel natural. I’ve been in situations where a job fell right into my lap, or didn’t take much effort at all. In other situations where I had to work much harder to make things happen, eventually the situation didn’t work out. Looking back, I realized that the more force I used to make something happen, the more fear based it was.
I recently moved from NC to AZ after 17 years in NC. It was scary to leave with just a car load of stuff and a dream. I had all sorts of challenges right before I left. I was wondering if the Universe was giving me a sign not to leave. My intuition told me that it was the right thing to keep going forward, overcoming fear, even though everything didn’t make sense. So far, I’ve had a much better life in AZ and am happy that I’m here.
Your head has a lot of questions, your heart has answers. Fear is in your head and intuition is in your heart, what you know is true. It takes faith to work through fear and follow your heart but eventually, you’ll come out ahead.
Most everyone knows of a situation where someone was in a relationship that wasn’t working. The person’s fear of being alone was over-riding what was in their heart, or what they knew intuitively. Eventually, when they let go of the fear, they realized they had much more energy propelling them forward. Those kinds of things are at play in all areas of our lives when it comes to fear and intuition. We need to pay attention to how we “feel” about situations vs. what we “think” about them.
Nice Maryellen. I like “Your head has a lot of questions and your heart has a lot of answers.”
; )
Me, too.
Thanks for sharing, together with Marie’s video which is great, it’s very clear and I think we need to learn and practice to listen to our intuition, how we feel. Even our head is screaming at us that we are insane, our heart remains in total peace, sustained, which gives us the strenght and power to keep walking forward whatever we chosed to do or not to do.
Hi Maryellen,
I was moved by your story of leaving NC alone, with only your packed car and a dream. Women are so courageous in facing life. I just wanted to acknowledge your fortitude to create something different for yourself. Carrie
Ditto. That touched me too. Very courageous. Kudos Maryellen. You are an example for many of us.
That was a bodacious question you got! Perhaps Steve Pressfield owes you a commission b/c I did buy his book after your interview with him. What an amazing guy! The book is awesome and helped me see where I needed to work on some of my own secret projects. Take care!
Thanks Laura – I actually LOVE pimping out Pressfield because I’ve learned so much from him. Glad to hear you have too!
Just JUST recorded a video for my blog on the fear vs awe difference. I’m really digging deep with this distinction right now. Seems to me that fear is always a directive- but we way too often assume that directive must be stop…when in fact it often is GO.
Love considering also that any time we step into a place where we are (or may possibly be) holding significantly more energy or potential or space there is discomfort until we get used to the new level we are on. So growth necessarily has some of that discomfort – fear- unknowing around it.
LOVE how you added the piece on how to read the difference- thank you so much!
xoxo Lisa
The gut never lies…
Every time I’ve tried to talk myself into something that my gut was telling me wasn’t right, it never works out and I find myself wondering, why didn’t I just listen?
I’ll be keeping myself aware of the expansive vs contracted feeling
Thanks Marie!
xo
Exactly Poulin.
Love it Marie!! Thank you!
Love the video and the import distinction you make between feeling expansion and contraction!
Also, quick correction: Your tweetable doesn’t give Steven Pressfield’s correct Twitter handle. It should read:
The more important a project is to your soul’s evolution, the more you’ll resist it. @Spressfield (via @MarieForleo)
So important that he – and you! – get the credit for such an awesome quote!
Thanks again!
Thank you Stacey! It takes a village and we’ve got that corrected now
This is a hugely helpful vlog Marie.
For me, learning to listen to my body was a huge big leap in my own personal development journey. It’s not that it wasn’t speaking to me before, it’s just I wasn’t listening! Now I make an effort to tune in- I know exactly when I am stressed and need to stop, when I’m feeling strong and energised. I wonderful book the goes into depth on the mind/body connection is The Trance of Scarcity by Victoria Castle.
Just regarding the power of intuition and how to access this, readers might also be interested in my latest blog, HOW TO MAKE A DIFFICULT DECISION EASY? http://www.bethreacher.com/?p=371
I just thought about you, it was going to four and I had not seen your Q&A and I was like where is she, my intuition I guess. I really needed this at this time, I am at the point where I feel this is what I should do, but then there is the question of I want one that can bring money fast. I am all churned and mixed up. So this is great to know and I can feel some contractions on projects I want to force on myself….
Thanks
I’ve loved this exercise since you first introduced it in RHHVM. It’s one of my favorite tools to use for virtually anything! Even, cleaning the toilet…that’s why someone else is doing it for me! lol
xoxox
Melody
First of all, thank you for your Q&A Tuesdays–I look forward to them every week. Secondly, I LOVE your dress! You look fantastic. Might I ask who makes it?
Thanks!!
Hey Jen! Thank you. And that dress is ALL Top Shop
Great tip. It is tricky as we have not been taught to listen to our own guidance system but with practice and a few mistakes we can finally learn to trust our intuition.
Another tip: intuition is soft and guides to our highest good. Ego or the “little pain in the ass Goblin in our head” is loud and annoying.
Shut that little fucker (I can swear on your blog Marie, right?) and intuition will come through.
LOL. Yes, you can swear all you like
Great video Marie! Thanks! I’m seeing so much relevance with the fear factor these days…
xoxo
Tisha
This was a great video!! And love the Steven Pressfield quote. One add to all this about Fear….(and another great quote). Fear is learned – so from Marie’s Expansion and Contraction strategy. Use the feeling from those Contracted Fears and size up your bodily reaction so you can quickly recognize “that feeling” (hint: it feels really crappy) when they happen and you can expedite their dismissal and silence their delay tactics. And trust yourself (Expansion Feeling) – Quote: When you trust yourself you will know how to live (Goethe) – See you in October!!!!!
I freaking love this video!!! I was just explaining intuition to a client and in my last blog post and it is all about how the body reacts. Expansive and contracting is an excellent way to categorize the way your body will respond. Love, love, love. As for #2, it is so unbelievably true. Being a part of mastermind and getting feedback from my trusted lady friends and YOU, has made me realize where my passion really lies. Love this video. xo
Funny…My mom was a junk yard dog!
Hi Marie,
I love the s**t out of this video and I’m dying to share it with my Facebook friends but….when I post the link the image for ‘Make Every Man Want You’ comes up next to the link and I’m uncomfortable posting that on my page. Is there a way I can share it without the book cover?
Thanks and keep ‘em coming!
xo
Jasmine
Hey Jasmine! I’m pretty sure you can share the straight link + FB usually gives you a way to post without the image or scroll through until you find another
Thanks in advance for sharing!!
Hey Jasmine!
There’s a checkbox when you go to post a link that let’s you choose to post it with “No Thumbnail” – pick that and it won’t show any image.
Anyone have the link to the Steven Pressfield chat? I missed that one
Here it is Nia! http://marieforleo.com/2011/04/1-book-planet-entrepreneurs-creators/
So, my six-year-old was sitting right beside me as I watched this… and her comment at the end was, “Why was that little beep her mom? Is her mom a beep?”
Followed by my standard answer, “Hmmm… I dunno. Maybe she is. Now go play.”
Expansion/Contraction, inhale/exhale, universal/personal. Love it.
First of all, see you at RHHL, got my spot (in fact accidentally paid twice, thanks for fixing)!
Second of all, in NYC there is a phenomenal living Sufi master who teaches Dancemeditation (Juliard trained, has taught at Princeton, Barnard, etc) and a whole in-the-body meditative practice that is firmly rooted in this idea of expansion and contraction. A little more from her directly here: http://blog.dancemeditation.org/2008/07/06/journal-crafting-expansion/
All that to say, thanks for connecting business to the body, where more of us need to be spending our time. And thanks for reminding me the ticket to RHHL was a damn good decision. Sweet.
Yes, I loved both Stephen’s books. They gave me the kick in the A** I needed earlier this year.
The idea of expansion/contraction is great way to discern between intuition and fear. Just like falling in love, it scares the crap out of you but you are excited at the same time.
Great advice. Every entreprenuer knows that we’re all going to make lots of mistakes on our way to success. But if we can learn how to make fewer – bonus!
The expanding/contracting thing is terrific!
Thanks, Marie.
I was just thinking about all this resistance that I feel regarding starting my blog this morning. Damn, you’re timely, Marie, and I always look forward to you on Tuesday!
Kandace
It amazes me how easily you can pinpoint a project that someone’s not so psyched about but just feels like they “should” do – thanks for revealing your secret! Great video Marie!
I love your videos, and today’s was especially “crack my shit up,” funny.
Yup…just had a conversation with someone today who’s been wanting to launch, but discovered resistance from her inner child for fear of being judged.
Here’s to shining bigger and brighter in the world, and into all the little nooks and soft spots of our soul.
…feeling all the pieces come together from be school and loving it. thank you so much!
KEndra
HHHmmm…B school
Good question but honestly, I am not so satisfied with the answer this time. There is never an easy expansion/ contraction feeling to differentiate between intuition and fear. It can’t be so easy. Intuition is the functioning of your heart. Meditation is required to open the doors to intuition. It is the consciousness. It is a vast topic difficult for me to explain. Highly recommend reading “Intuition” by Osho. He divides the topic into three parts, Intellect, Instinct, and Intuition. As he said, Intellect bridges the gap between Instinct and Intuition. Intellect makes everything a problem and knows no solution at all. Instinct never creates any problem and does not need any solution; it simply functions naturally. Intuition is pure solution, it has no problems. Intuition means something that arises within your being; it is your potential.
Hi Danish, it’s cool you’re not satisfied, but I disagree on your point ‘it can’t be so easy’. None of us are perfect at always listening to our intuition, of course, but after working with thousands of people, I’ve seen these two strategies help people find clarity, fast.
You also don’t need to meditate to be intuitive. I know some very intuitive people that don’t practice meditation, and I know people that do meditate who still have a hard time hearing their intuition.
I’d encourage you to give this a try before you quickly assume it “can’t” work
I agree that meditation helps you get in touch with intuition, but you still have it if you don’t meditate.
great advice Marie
My job is to help folk get out of their fear and into the current “here and now”. Usually from major traumas, accidents, abuse……so I totally get this.
BUT, it is quite incredibly how tiny little fears crop up into our day to day.
Our GUT knows best, it is primitive and overides’s over noggin! the trouble, we tend to try to “THINK” our way into and out of our Stuff…
Irene xo
Great topic, Marie!
I love your description of how people look when talking about something they should not do-”pasty, DEAD, depressed”. I see the same thing in the people I work with and the contrast of how they look when discussing their passion, their path, their mission is dramatic and exciting (even when there is fear)!
I would add that it is easier for most of us to sense when we should NOT to do something. It tends to be much more difficult for us to identify the moments when our intuition is telling us to go for it and the fear kicks in.
The good news is that the intuition is always there, even if we don’t pick up on it at first. We will be continually prompted in some form or another if we are NOT heading into those expansive, exhilarating areas and we are staying stuck. Most people notice it first in the physical body.
If we don’t pay attention to where we EXPAND and we end up staying in a comfortably uncomfortable, less scary, less expansive space, our bodies keep trying to get our attention in lots of ways, including but not limited to headaches, rashes, pains, fatigue, digestion issues and exacerbation of existing illnesses. It is fascinating to feel in yourself or see in another the physical changes that can happen (more energy, looking younger, less pain, fewer illnesses etc..) when we move toward those experiences that feel right in our gut, yet scare the shit out of us!!
xx Laura
Hey Marie: I went in, unsure about what your response would be to that question, and I have to say I was impressed. My response has been slightly different from yours. It was more like: If everyone and everything is telling you NOT to do do it, and you still want to do it, it’s probably a good idea.
My wife and I moved from India in the year 2000 (we moved to New Zealand). And guess what? At that point in time, my wife was earning a fabulous salary. Her company was paying for the car, chauffeur, electricity, rent. Let’s put it this way: We only had to pay for our food, which back in the ‘last century’ was as little as $200-$400 per month (and this included dining out twice a week).
I had a business with staff and I was getting great projects (I was a cartoonist back then). It’s at that point we decided to move to New Zealand. We’d never been to New Zealand, didn’t know a soul here. We just wanted to go. And then then NO started. My wife’s boss said no (he offered to pay our flights back and forth—if we came back to India). My mother was not happy. Even friends called me a ‘traitor’ (well one did). And we still went ahead. We’ve been in NZ for 11 years and I’m happy to say it’s been amazing!
The same applied to my cartoons.
I draw pretty darned well, and in the year 2002, I read “Good to Great” by Jim Collins. And it asked: What can you be the best in the world at? And I thought about it and decided I’d be really good at marketing (why, I’m not sure).
Fast forward to 2011 and we’re sitting pretty with Psychotactics.com (we now have waiting lists of six months or more on some of our courses). And again, when I’d decided to quit cartoons, most friends were really upset.
I used my barometer of NO.
The more NO I hear, the more I know that’s what I really should be doing. However I now have the added knowledge of ‘being expansive’. That’s really cool.
Good video—as always
See you around.
Hi Sean
I have had a lot of personal experience with this as well as professionally with my clients. It is to be expected when we decide to listen to our internal radar rather than society’s. It makes many people uncomfortable because they are just getting unconscious feedback about their own lives.
Other people saying “no” is about THEM not YOU (or me in my life:-)). In order to really follow your instincts, it requires tremendous courage and focus.
Awesome story. Congratulations on living YOUR life, as opposed to the one everyone else thinks you should be living.
Laura
Thank you Sean – not only for commenting, but also for the incredible STORY. You’ve shown us another valuable facet of how to know what’s best for you! I LOVE what you shared and I for one, am very happy you chose marketing
Yes Laura: They’re always saying stuff that relates to them, and it doesn’t really apply to you, but you think it applies to you and you get confused and give up your dream. I’ve learned to do what wakes me up in the morning.
And since I wake up at 4am every day, it’d better be good
Hey, you’re always welcome. We should talk soon.
I’m very happy I chose marketing too, though I’ve gone back to drawing cartoons, but not as a career…more as fun. I only draw cartoons for myself and friends these days 
Some cartoons are at: http://www.psychotactics.com/blog/clueless-cartoon-um-new-linked-in-members/
And Stephen’s books are pretty cool too.
I was just hiking with my 2 favorite guys, 11 and 13 and we were just talking about this- timely and true!
Those ways to distinguish fear from intuition are really brilliant. Thanks so much for this, Marie. You rock!
Yee-aah, that Tweetable rocked! Love it, love the question and love the strategy to overcome the question. Great post. (I think I say that every week, but when you’re good, you’re good!)
Great post! I’ve been doing lots of thinking about intuition lately, and keep tripping over it everywhere I look, it seems. Love your thoughts on fear vs. intuition, and on contraction and expansion. You’re always there to help a girl out, Marie!
Marie~
How’d you know this was the EXACT Q I called up one of my BFFs about? An hour ago!
Just met a guy, so much seems right, but there were so niggling doubts. Are the doubts because I’ve been single for awhile and am resisting the movement from solo to partnering? (Love my me-time!) Or because there’s something just not right about him?
Not only did my BFF clearly point out a few things, but the overall feeling I’ve been having was of contraction.
So there we are. Intuition never steers me wrong; I’ve just got to separate it sometimes from my head.
Thanks again! Looking forward to seeing you @RHH in Oct!
Hi Marie, thanks so much for another great video! Pushing through that fear and also having the confidence to say no to work that I really don’t want to do has made a huge difference to my business. You rock! PS Any chance of bringing RHH Live Downunder?!
Thank you Emma. We’ve got a nice group of Aussies coming over! This gang of speakers is once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. If you can come, PLEASE do!
I loved the ‘everyday I’m hustlin’ intro…lol! Great info in fear vs gut instinct, too
Intuition always guides and expands. Thanks for this Marie..can’t wait for RHH live!
Can’t wait to see YOU there lady
Awesome and brilliant! Just the advice I was needing. I look forward to each Q & A every Tuesday! Thanks Marie!!
Good stuff, Riri.
RHH Live is making me feel expansive. Registering now! See you in NYC.
LOVED this video, Marie! I had forgotten about the Expansion vs Contraction filter and it was a timely reminder!
Going to put that into action and use it often.
I love your other tip, too. I’m in a small mastermind with 3 other gals, and they’ve often commented about how my body language is or how I talk when it’s something that is soooo right for me to do. Love having those kinds of friends who can see that and are so supportive.
I can always tell a decision or something is good in that I never have to ask anyone, “What do you t hink?”….”Shall I?” … “Is he the one?”…”Is this the best for me?”…etc etc
When its right, its right, no questions necessary!!
HTH
Shelley
What I love about you is the way you distill what could be a very involved process of personal discovery possibly involving months of meditation and multiple meetings with monks in the mountains, and make it real, tangible and available to all. As a mother of four, with my own gig, I don’t always have the hours for contemplation and reflection. I appreciate accessing my “inner knowing” on the go without forfeiting time for espresso. You are beautiful. Thank you. Carrie
PS We need to do away with the thinking that personal awareness requires working our asses off – the answers are there available within, sometime we just need to be shown the way in.
YES!
I have seen you use your magic powers to spot what’s working and what’s not working just by the way we talk about it. I love it, and I’ve been using it with my clients too. (And with myself… like the way I talk to myself about things.)
Thank you so much for clarifying it, and for the “hustling” intro – gotta love it!
Now time to hustle on the stuff that lights me up and makes me feel expansive!
How you talk about something is an awesome indicator! I knew that I had hit my niche bang on when a friend/client commented on how excited I get when I talk about my business. I didn’t even notice it, but she was right. I was jazzed.
I like how you encourage us to delve inside. We all have intuition – it’s just been neglected and we’ve been taught to consider more “rational” things. I also find that giving myself some space and letting the idea stew for a while is a huge help. It helps me to see more clearly.
Thanks Marie!
Oooh, Marie…love your explanation. Since I took off on my Great Goddess Adventure, I keep telling people that at various points and times it feels like my heart chakra is exploding…now I know it’s called expansion! Thanks for that juicy tid-bit…xoxo
Love the topic. I agree about that feeling of expansion and contraction, I know exactly what you’re telling me to focus on.
However, sometimes I’ll have that feeling of lighting up like a Christmas tree, but then my fears will become so overpowering, that they’ll drag me down until the point they’ve deflated my excitement. Then I feel literally exhausted and back off. The dialogue in my head goes from, “yes, this is going to be awesome!!” to “I can’t do this, who am I kidding, I’m not “xyz” enough”.
How do you get past that?
Totally agree about the way the body doesnt lie Marie.
What is going on in the mind will come out in the body – if not in that moment then somewhere down the track.
Intuition is such a hot topic at the moment or is it that my internal radar is just noticing it more?
Internal referencing is a skill worth perfecting.
Ciao
Rosemary
I’ve been wrestling with a decision for some time now. Contraction only begins to describe the “throw up all over myself” feeling I get every time I thought of taking action. It felt gross and disgusting to even think of moving on this decision. I feel like the decision has been made but the action hasn’t yet followed. I found myself beating myself up for not being “braver” or “bolder” and allow myself to be stuck for so long.
Today I had a different thought though. I already know that this action will take place at some unknown time in my future. Its inevitable and I no longer feel the need to follow up that decision with an action just so I can feel brave and forward moving.
I’m instead focusing on other decisions and actions that make me feel awesome. I know as i build up good energy the choice to act on my original decision will come naturally and will happen super easily as my mountain shrinks into a mole hill.
My decision’s made and I’m getting ok with sitting on the follow up action until its the right time to move. I’m getting ok with the idea that maybe “right here” is exactly the right place for me to be.
Ew – doesn’t sound like fun to want to throw up all over yourself!
I think it’s ok to wait a bit… maybe another solution will present itself
Hi Marie –
So, I’m a guy but hey! I’ve got intuition too! It’s important to remember for all us guys out there that our own intuitive nature (which I feel is definitely a more feminine aspect of us) can speak to us clearly if we open up to it.
But here’s a helpful note for anyone, male or female, who is having trouble tapping into their body awareness. If this is happening, chances are your internal voice is speaking loud and clear, in fact, that internal voice is probably what is shouting down your ability to sense the body – don’t panic! You can still discern fear vs. guidance by listening (or not) to that voice!
I’ve found that genuine guidance always speaks in a loving and helpful voice. If your internal voice sounds critical, self-hating, or angry – then it’s not telling you anything you need to know. However, if that voice is calm, compassionate, and clear – take heed!
Can’t wait for RHH Live in October – wonder if I’ll be the only man there?
thanks for all you do!
seth
Seth loved your point. Your sense that its about the tone of the voice is another take on “how does it feel in your body?” Love the 2 ways of looking at it. thanks for sharing.
Seth, I agree with this: “I’ve found that genuine guidance always speaks in a loving and helpful voice. If your internal voice sounds critical, self-hating, or angry – then it’s not telling you anything you need to know. However, if that voice is calm, compassionate, and clear – take heed!” Nice addition to Marie’s points. This is such a vital topic.
Another method that might be useful: spend some time to get in a quiet place, close your eyes, relax, and focus on your heart. For a while, just listen: do a “heart meditation.” Then ask your heart what you should do — or more easily, ask it a yes/no question and you will probably feel immediately an answer.
Hi Lindsay! I love your point. A friend turned me on to ‘Heart Math’ and it’s a calming method to literally slow down the heart rate during stressful, fearful, anxiety ridden situations. This then reduces the inhibiting stress chemicals that are released into the body, which shut off executive function in the frontal lobe (i.e., problem solving, critical thinking). I use this technique sometimes by imagining my heart is floating in a bubble bath of sorts while slowing my breathing and through this heart meditation, I can then experience greater clarity. I don’t always remember to utilize this tool and your post reminded me! Thank you for sharing!
Oh Lindsay!
Excellent advice. Too often we over-think or over analyze our questions or issues but putting the heart before the head is one sure fire way of getting the truth. That’s why in yoga, we often have fears of head stands…we put out heart above our head…which ultimately turns our world upside down. But’s its a fresh and wonderful new outlook that presents itself in those times
I really like the video and the topic is right on for me, too. I have been following Marie for a while – after being suggested by a friend to do so. I love how accessible and funny you are Marie. I like the two tips and I like what Seth had to say as well. I find that getting quiet is very important for me because it helps with the discernment. When I think that something is urgent chances are I am already on the wrong path. Urgency has a good way of helping me know that I need to stop and think it through. I cannot agree more with the getting support/feedback from a group of trusted friends. (They were the ones that told me I was not into my ex at all – before she was my ex
)
Awesome advice (as always!). I’m super conscious of every feeling in my body, but sometimes I still don’t listen because I dont trust myself enough…I am learning more and more through life’s experience how to build trust for my intuition (bc it really is actually pretty good when I listen!). I’m getting better at it, but you’re advice on contraction versus expansion really puts it all into perspective for me. I am def going to listen to my body more.
Thanks Marie!
Totally great! I was just thinking about this concept today and how to explain to folks…. don’t let the fear get in your way…. love the expansiveness concept. So true. Your delivery and vids are always the best Marie! Blessings Girl! <3 Melinda
I’ve been using this all night– it works wonders. Thank you for the bright energy you exude– you make me happy
This is an aitrlce that makes you think never thought of that!
ok so i was recently asked to produced a FASHION SHOW! now, i’m a personal stylist & wardrobe consultant NOT a producer! while I have “put on” many events in my past roles, none that compared to what this was going to be! When I was asked to do this, I remember feeling soooo incredibly scared while at the same time also feeling such a sense of excitement and curiosity. I remember thinking to myself “if Marie were hear right now, she would tell you to go for it! to do those things that scare us the most.” soooo…. I listened to my intuition and I did it! And guess what? I walked that runway at the end of my show with my head held high and feelin oh so proud! I received the most amazing compliments that night which have helped me reach a whole new level of confidence in myself and with my biz. Thank you sooo much Marie for the “push” you give to us all
This is a great topic – sometimes things just feel wrong.
I was at a seminar recently where the guys were HARD selling their mastermind program – the whole time I was sitting there going through a roller coaster of emotions “should I, shouldn’t I?” and left feeling like a total LOSER for not signing up.
I realised that I wasn’t even excited about it – just felt that icky sense that I would miss out if I didn’t do it.
I’m really glad I didn’t – it shouldn’t have felt that way.
Kick the tires and light the fires, porbelm officially solved!
Thanks for answering my question Marie. Loved it, and are so excited about RHH live!!! NYC here I come. Gry
Great info about the body contacting and expanding. It has given me a new way to tune into my body when I think about all the projects that are in front of me. I know for sure some I am excited about and some I am not. Some feel just obligation. So I know for sure that I am going to use the method you suggested Marie. Thanks. And thanks Gry for the question.
For the projects that you feel an obligation to do, there might be a way to take yourself out of the equation. I was the webmaster for a non-profit group I’m involved with and the process of updating was really draining me. There wasn’t another person with HTML skills anywhere in sight, so I transitioned the site over to WordPress and now the whole leadership team is able to update it – no HTML skills needed!
love the method, it is so useful even for the smal day by day decisions. inspiring as ever. thank you so much for sharing and for sharing all the fun of the making of too – I like the: my mother is the truck driver kind… must be a funny person
The vid is great as always Marie! But sometimes its difficult to know if you feel expansove or contracted, as you feel fear you tend to contract yourself.
It´s worth paying more attention to ourselves.
=***
Camille,
I know what you mean! Sometimes, I get so freaked out by a big step I want to take that as soon as I take the action, I have a second of freak out in which I feel I’m going to throw up or I should quit right away or I’ve made a horrible mistake. But I’ve learned that if I just ride that wave for a few minutes and let it wash over me, it goes away. Then I can celebrate that I fought my fears and go on to the next challenge.
I’m so in tune with that now that I can usually do something terrifying and then look myself in the mirror and say “You’re just scared and irrational right now. You did the right thing and you know it.” And it helps immensely…even if I do look like a crazy person in the bathroom talking to myself!
Mairie,
the tail suits you so much)) cutie
Thank you so much, Marie !
It can be so difficult to make the difference between fear and intuition but I think you got this right!!! I’ll try to pay attention to my body language each time I’m unsure about this and see how I react!!!
Such a great topic
I think there is a feeling of deep calm that comes when we listen to our intuition – compared to that stomach-churning in motion, too much activity feeling that comes from fear.
Cathy
But the last statement still leaves us with ..”How do you tell the difference between your “Souls Evolution” and good ole devine intervention telling you NOT to do something?
idalis, I think I’m with you. I am on a project that fills me with dread and I’m not really connecting with the people or the product and the work is SO hard when you’re in that space. So I feel contraction. But then there was what feels like the contradictary statement – am I supposed to stick with it because I’ll evolve as a result? Marie? What do you think?
Thanks, Marie! You’ve made my day!! This is a question I’ve been trying to resolve forever; and your “hints” gave me the “aha” I needed. Simple yet profound.
Much appreciation,
EL
I think the piece i still struggle with is when I do “contract” whether that’s something I should push through and do anyways or not…. ie whether my fear is unfounded or not?
Good video. I also know that when I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, things just flow and the universe brings me everything I need. I know I’m out of my flow when I start banging my head, feel like I’m getting no where, feel frustrated and confused. I have to take a day off, let go and not think I know the best way then things line back up.
I will pay more attention to how my body feels when an idea or project is presented to me.
Hey, Marie!
Thanks for another great video! I’ve been wondering about this one for a while, and I can’t wait to implement your strategies!
Xoxo,
Clara.
Marie ; I really loved this video and hey , you freakin’ rock………
Great Advise!!
So much great information that I never would have found on my own. Thanks!
This is a great topic – and from coaching other and my own experiences of falling flat, it boils down to fear of failure and the quickest way to put it to bed is to realise, whatever decision you make is the right one for right now.
And if you feel it’s wrong, take action and try another direction.
The great thing about doing that is you’ve picked up the learning along the way. So it’s not about fear it’s about learning. Without learning we’d never improve. So I say, embrace those learning opportunities.
a great reminder, thanks Marie. love how the body is a compass and all we have to do is pay attention. See you at RHHLive, can’t wait. xo
This is yet another video offering true insight. I’ve now had so many a-ha moments watching your videos that I’ve lost count. You seem to be able to cut through to the root of every problem or dilemma.
REALLY needed to watch this video this morning Marie – thank you!!
Am in the midst of getting “drawn back” into my old career and have had several moments where the contraction and constriction of it all – made it feel like I couldn’t breathe. IF that isn’t an indication that it’s time to let it go…I don’t know what is.
I’ve found that a seriously deep breath (or three), along with an “I’m back” – does the trick every single time.
Lotsa love – hope to see you at RHHL in October – yeah baby!!!
Thanks Marie.
I had a coach before and when I was talking with her about my previous job and I was explaining myself and why it made sense – ..she said “nope you dont wanna do that, you are just saying that.”
And then Id say “well this is crazy and stupid so I shouldnt even talk about it…but..yada yada yada” And then shed say “Yep but you just lit up like crazy. This is what you are supposed to be doing.” Always wondered how she did that. Now I have a little more insight. haha.
Hmmm what do you do when you “know what to do and how to do it” (feminine energy), but can’t seem to get off your ass to take action on it (masculine energy)? I guess I’m going beyond the point of the video – fear v intuition – in other words, once u know, ok, it’s just my fear, go ahead. But you still don’t move!
Augh! I annoy myself when I see that “lazy masculine” energy pop up….
Any thoughts?
Erin, for me it goes back to Marie’s Vid on understand your why. If your why is strong enough, then you will get off your ass and do it becuse you’re being pulled towards something rather than pushing your self uphill.
If you know what to do and how to do it, what’s lacking is the purpose of why you’re doing it. Link that purpose to something that’s important to you.
For example, I want to loose weight, I know how to. I want to fit into my skinny jeans because of the sense freedom it gives me when I wear them. I feel like I’m back to the real me at my best.
So find out why doing it is important to you and create a strong sense of why or purpose and then you’ll move forward.
Hope that helps.
GENIUS. I loved your answer on this video!!! I always wondered how to distinguish between your mind creating the fear which I think it is triggered by stepping out of your comfort zone, and your soul giving you a gentle, uncomfortable nudge when you should not be moving forward with something. Now I know and i can trust my gut more because I won’t always blame that weird feeling to stepping out of my comfort zone.
Marie…YOU ROCK!!!!! Thanks again !
Marie you are a rockstar. This issue comes up for me all the time in the other half of my career as a theatre director. It’s so hard to know which projects are going to be a good challenge and which are going to be DUDS. Next time, I’m paying attention to my body!
Marie!
Perfect timing thank you for this video!!! I now have questions that I will be asking myself and going to be getting some friends together to talk some projects thru!! Awesome advice!!! xo
Thanks for the tips, It is always important to listen. to your body and beside that intuition is really a gift from God to women. Right?
I think that often the best way to deal with a fear is to read up on what is scaring you. Often fear is simply of the unknown. When you understand the unknown, it is usually far less scary.
Love the topic. This has been a big issue for me at times. When trying to make some big decisions in the past my body has felt so heavy (contracted) yet my mind was saying I should be moving through this fear and if I didn’t I might miss out!! The body won out in those situations, thankfully, and I didn’t go ahead. I have also found that the feeling of urgency is not a good sign either. If this is the right thing for you the universe is not going to say – “ok you have one chance and if you don’t take it you will miss out and that is it!”. I am learning to trust myself and the universe to support me in creating a wonderful life. So thanks Marie and just so you know your hot, sassy and insightful advice reaches all the way to Australia!
Creating or producing a project from fear breeds obsessive thoughts & questioning (but never finding the right answer), incessant rumination — like a movie in my mind that just gets stuck on a scene replaying over & over again. Intuition feels like you’re writing a book & you have no idea how you just wrote so many chapters, except that you were totally carried away by the characters / plot (fiction) -or- flow of ideas & your message/philosophy/psychology, et al.
Thanks, Marie! 2 more days til the next Tuesday Q & A!
p.s. Hustling my patootie to be at RHHlive before tickets sell out!!
Great video i never thought about this,and for me i ask to my friend what’s the different and i am so glad that i have truthful friends who always there for me.and to this post all i can say is WOW!
Thanks for this video Marie! I love how the body shows us the way and watching the body contract or expand is a very quick and easy way to check in with it!
Listening to you Marie makes me feel expansive! I love this gem – thank you.
Time to face the music armed with this great inforatmion.
i think that this is very interesting.. i’ve always believed in this kind of stuffs especially when it comes to women’s instincts.. i have a very big faith in it because i am a woman and i can really feel it..
i think that this is very interesting.. i’ve always believed in this kind of stuffs especially when it comes to women’s instincts.. i have a very big faith in it because i am a woman and i can really feel it..
Indeed Miss Marie!!!
There is one little tidbit I’d like to add, though, because I’ve had this conversation with my clients as well. You know, when they look at me like I have two heads when I ask them to “tap into their knowing”.
I will ask them where in their body they feel something. Often, the fears/doubts/negative thinking will exist in their head. And the juicy goodness is in the heart or gut. They may still feel uncomfortable/yucky in their heart/gut area, but usually that is the clue that there is something delicious to be found if they move forward in it.
It really is our head that gets us in trouble. What is up with that?
Jillian – http://www.jillianharrington.com
I love your videos – thank you so much!!!
In reference to that contracting feeling you describe, I get that even for stuff I know is good for me like saying, “Hi,” and smiling at gorgeous women.
I don’t believe that’s something I should stay away from with a ten-foot pole but instead think it’s my inner wuss ego trying to sabotage and keep me in my comfort zone.
One thing I stumbled upon that’s massively helped me with this is The Release Technique. This shows you how to welcome those contracting, churning feelings and welcome them up with the understanding that the only reason you even feel them is because your body wants to be rid of them.
I’d hog up quite a bit of space here explaining how it all works but anyone interested can google “release technique larry crane” and find it. Or, you can look up “The Sedona Method Hale Dwoskin. Side Note: If you’ve got any homophobe in you, definitely start with Larry. He’s an old tough guy from New York. Hale’s from New York but his voice is really feminine. I like em both. I don’t give a shit about their voices but the reason I’ve pointed this out her is through having the awesomeness of the tool negated by the messenger by people who have these hang ups.
To each, their own.
Thanks, Marie, for confirming again!
Yay!!!
I just quit my last part-time job to devote my time exclusively to my business(es), and here is what I did: I wrote my resignation email and looked at it for about 4 hours to see how I felt about it. Hmm… Didn’t feel bad, too risky, worrisome or anything negative. A little scary (but just an idea of fear, not an actual feeling), but nothing more. After I hit the ‘send’ button I literally started to jump and giggle with excitement. THAT was my true validation and I don’t regret it a bit!
Much love,
L
Nice tip Maria – the body never lies.
Worth adding that the more you push the boundary imposed by a healthy fear, the better you will get at it and the broader your boundaries become…
great stuff anyway,
thanks!!
Alan
love you!! Thanks!
Wow, that was the best explanation I’ve heard for fear vs intuition. It totally makes sense now. Between this vid and your recommended read, Do the Work, I feel like I have some amazing new tools to work with. Thanks!
Much needed video for a decision I’ve been trying to make. Going to find a mirror right now to ask myself the question and observe what happens! Thanks Marie!
Hi Marie,
Thank you for this video.
I have a proven record of academic and professional achievements. However, my last employment did not work out and I was fired last week.
I’ve been thinking about getting few temporary contracts before I decide to have a permanent employment again.
Whenever I think of temp jobs I feel expansive because I could expand my experience without committing myself and take time off to travel between assignments.
When I think about a permanent employment I’m scared to comit and be loyal to a company because it may not work out again.
I will use this technique – expansive vs. contraction – in my coming job interviews.
Thank you so much!
Hi! love all the positive stuff
i’m confused by that last one…..i was digging all the body language stuff and it was all great and then that last guy came on with his quote about the more you resist something the better it is for your souls evolution. so, if your body language is resistant it will contract, which, according to that guy is the thing you should do…….no?
Robyn
Awesome video Marie, this reminded me so much of work I have done in an Energy Medicine class. You literally ask the universe what you want to do and you totally feel yourself moving forward or backwards based on what you should or should not be doing. You can’t go wrong listening to your intuition and the universe!
what about great intuition AND then the fear kicks in anyway …? ooh better lets just relax all the time…? I think Steven is right, when you follow your highest intents and purpose, you will also feel the doubts and the fears – then the trick is not to let them hold you back, not to fight them because “what you resist persists”, but reconnect with your higher intentions and go for it.
I do agree with Sarah. One may feel doubtful or sometimes unknown fear may haunt him/her, but overcoming it is very important. One need to just overcome the fear and go for it. As said by Sarah, at that time you should reconnect with your higher intentions and go for it.
Now coming to your video presentation, i loved it Marie. You presented it as if you are a professional actress, really loved it. Thanks for such wonderful video making. Great Job!
It’s so amazing how life provides the right information at the right time. My friend and I were just talking about this about an hour ago with regards to a relationship she’s currently in. Neither one of us could figure out whether she was afraid or if her instinct was telling her to run! This is so helpful! I’m definitely going to share it with her and other’s I know will benefit from this wisdom. Thank you so much for this!
Hey Alana, with relationships it may be a bit more tricky, because you are so emotionally involved. It can sometimes be difficult to see clearly. If you need help with that, please go get it!
So glad you answered this question Marie! I’ve debated this so many times, I’m thrilled to be armed with this knowledge now
Thanks Marie. That’s the very question I’ve been asking myself on a regular basis right now. I’m going through some massive changes in my career and life at the moment. And some days I’m so charged to face the day. And some days, the fear absolutely paralyzes me and I wonder what the heck I’m doing. Your tips are really great to help me sort out what makes sense and what I can leave behind. Looking forward to hearing more!
Marie-
Well damn, I just “met” you today and don’t know why people have kept you a secret from me. Within 15 minutes of reading your articles, while at my art gallery, I had more drive and started to actually fall back in love with my business,and then people out of nowhere started calling me. I couldn’t wait to come home tonight and read and actually listen to more. THANK-YOU!!!! I’ve already sent a link to your site to several friends, and I can’t wait to our continuing relationship. Thank-you for helping me start to pull out of the gutter of my business!
Hmmm, tricky one. How come I ALWAYS feel contracted when fear arises (and that is often, I can tell you, actually it happens each time I want to take a baby step in direction of my dream coming true. And no, I don´t think it is because it is not my dream really). Fear + “feeling expanded” hardly exists for me. Example: I´ve been performing for two years, and though I´ve got massive stage fright, I feel like performing & entertaining is the only good thing for me. But as soon as I want to apply somewhere as a performer, I do get that bad feeling, like I shouldn´t do it, cause I´m not good enough anyway and it is not meant for me.
“expansive” not “expanded” – sorry for my English
I have to warn people that intuition is not always correct. I followed “The Secret”. I thought that my life was very much blessed. I traveled, had a home, was at the top of my game in my profession. Then, I wanted to help people who were horribly taken advantage of. Let’s just say that there were many synchronicities. I told myself “I’m not going to do this, I don’t have the money” – then I got money windfalls. Then, I told myself “This is out of my expertise – no way am I going to do it” Then, a person who could do the work falls in my lap. Then, I tell myself, “I don’t have anything to test with” – testing materials pop up out of the blue. I was working on this after I got laid off from work. The unemployment ran out. I thought “Well, time to go back to work” -then a voice said “Ask for an extension”. I thought – why should I do tha? Nothing is going on – but – I went ahead and did it and it was VERY easy to do – no problems at all.
I said – well, evidently someone wants me to do this. So, God/Universe, I put my life in your hands and follow you – surely so many things would not be going on with so many synchronicities.
So, I worked with the individual for one year – the project was done. I did not have any contacts in the area I needed to go – but stupid me thought “I don’t believe He brought me this far to leave me”. So, I waited
and waited
and waited
and waited
weeks turned into months
months turned into years (2 of them)
Now – the money is gone and because I have been out of work for so long, it is damn hard to go back. I have been looking since March. The headhunters are playing games and I am forced to establish relationships with people extremely jealous of my past successes (previously I called them “blessings”) in hopes they will help me get back in. I feel like giving up on this but I have bills to pay.
I have NEVER had to rely on networking to get a good job. My background/resume ALWAYS got me in the door – ALWAYS.
This is the last month I have of money and I have a mortgage due. I am reaching out to Unclaimed Property for my state to just make the bills this month.
With all the windfalls I had, I had $80,000 in the bank PRIOR to hearing the voice that said “Ask for an extension” I looked, pleaded and asked for what I was doing wrong. Why did all of the synchronicities stop?!?! Why was I not given a definite lead, a solid direction?
In truth, I should have been done for back in May – that was when my savings officially ran out. I then got pointers to other things that covered my bills but just barely – not food or gas money. I had to go to a different account for that.
It’s like “you can have some money for your bills – but – as far as Me (the Universe) doing anything further to help you do what *I* told you to do- it ain’t gonna happen”
I only say “be careful” because I KNOW I was told to do this. I know the Universe/God gets a pass because everyone knows that when people say “they heard God”, the first thing to think is that the person is not “wrapped too tight” as they used to say.
I did not have the programming skill for one part of this – a solution immediately came. Money came. Hell, everything came – just long enough to get you so far in.
I did not have the connections to make this happen – not in the least – without connections, the whole thing is just trash
I depended upon the Universe/God to bring that
It never happened
Obviously, I am concerned – but – more than that – just puzzled. Why open so many doors, and opportunities just to leave me in the desert? Why? This has rocked me to my core.
I had so many blessings and stuff in my life that I wanted to help out and give back to the world. The irony is – in doing so, everything that I have worked for for over 20 years is at stake.
That’s what you get for wanting to help the world.
That’s what you get for listening to God/the Universe
Be careful – the road that the Universe/God expects you to take might just lead you over a cliff. Yes, I know – God only wants absolute good for you – I know. I had lived it for many years. It was the only reason why I did this thing. Please temper anything “you hear” with YOUR OWN good judgement. If I had, I would not have taken the extension, gone back to work and would not be in this mess now.
Regards.
How do you know this wasn’t all a part of the plan? It seems you might be in the midst of the very lesson and light you need to experience your best life. If you do not become bitter and lose all faith I believe you may find your best strength right where you are. You must know that your spirit path will not always be an easy one. The biggest gifts in your life perhaps will not come from the experiences that were easy and gifted to you.
It may be incredibly hard for you to see but as a stranger and a friend who took the time to read and allow your energy to enter my life for a minute to soak it up and share what I hear the universe say. This is the biggest gift of your life.
I look forward to what is to come from you. I hope that one year from now you will come back and share where your journey has taken you. I suspect a life beyond your wildest expectations if you are able to step back into faith and trust that intuition is not always going to give you the easiest way out. Even when it appears that it may.
You are fierce and limitless. Stay that way.
I hope you can let Jeannine’s comments in; if you need to be angry for a bit, that’s okay, but remember to come back out and spread the beauty you are. You know how that works. You give what you are, vibrationally, we feel it. I send you blessings and wishes to remember who you really are, beauty.
always trust your intuition!!!
the best freakin` advice everrrrrr , love u Marie, from Croatia <33333
Eww, never thought of it this way, because sometimes I DO wonder! I’m considering my own live event this year and at first, I was stoked and then I talked myself out of it! I see it happening one way or another now
…Donnie Darko: [Okay. But you’re not listening to me.] There are other things that need to be taken into account. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can’t just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.
Like when you are afraid of giving speeches, and your body contracts on the idea of giving one, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give speeches, but that you have a fear of them, like of public humiliation, that something goes wrong, etc. People don’t ever feel expansive about the thought of giving one, they can’t even imagine that going well.
I’m completely with Stella (see above) on this one, feeling contracted doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad idea, just that your fear stuns you.
Fears/phobies like that are intuitions gone wild (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intuition_%28psychology%29); not an opposite concept.
Don’t trust them blindly, just as your ratio. Use one to double-check the other. Look at the aspects: WHAT of it do I feel nervous about? how can I surcome those? how can I train my fear on that or have a strategy so it doesnt fail? what are the consequences of failing? Take the whole thing apart, and look at all of its aspects.
Don’t make things more complicated than they are, but neither more simple.
If I do both (contraction and expention), what does that mean?
I can’t watch the video. It says there is no plug in.
I love your tip about how to tell the difference between fear and intuition. This video helps people to use their intuition for decision-making. I hope you like it.
Develop Your Intuition for Decision-Making
So what a great idea…Ask friends, if they would follow these directions: say what it is that lights you up and promise not to down-talk your dreams
for *safety* sake… then fearlessly tell you when you looked like dead wood.
Thank You Marie,
The video and strategies were very helpful. I need to overcome my fear by turning it into action. I have been struggling to get started on a project for last couple of years. A Better Tomorrow Foundation…I know God wants me to do it, but how do I just do it. I had a morning reflection this morning about Jesus walking on the Ocean relating it to all the probllems I am facing turning into strong waives hitting me everywhere nocking me down, but when I go down deep I see a Dolphin friend lifting me up not letting me drawn because there is a Better Tomorrow with a strong sunshine reflecting on the Ocean. I hear the peaceful sounds of the waives coming my way lifting me up to the highest point and letting me know you shall overcome fear no more do not be afraid because the spirit of Jesus is within you to lift you up to make you strong and to know that walking on water is a simple act of love.
Great topic and thanks for the great reminders. I’m dealing with this very thing in a big way right now, and your rich perspectives and the follow-up comments are fabulous, supportive boosters.
I really love this video in addition to the way Danielle LaPorte puts it; “does it feel heavy or light.”
Couldn’t have found this at a better time. I just recently took an opportunity that I’ve been having second thoughts about. And even though I’m terrified, I am bursting inside- totally expansive. I will go forth with confidence!
Love this vid and return to it often. One thing that is tripping me up though is the Steven Pressfield quote that the more important something is to our soul’s evolution, the more we resist it. Could that resistance come in the form of contraction, dread, etc??
Love it, great stuff about fear vs intuition. From now on i will be paying more attention to my contracted and expansive feeling before making a decision.
head has questions, heart has the answers. thanks again.
Question? Marie’s vid say’s if you’re thinking about the thing that it is you want to do…. what if I’m already in it? I’m already doing it, but my current situation (little money, product, need a new website) has me disheartened as it’s a long way to get to where I want to go, so sometimes there’s the sign’s of contraction???