Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Have you ever heard something that, technically, you’ve “heard” before — but this time, it hits you square in the heart?

That happened to me a few months ago with a quote. The underlying concept was something I was familiar with, and to some degree even live by (though, I do fail often).

It’s one of those big ideas that should be taught, and re-taught, to all human beings throughout our entire lives. It’s deceptively simple, yet deeply profound.

The impact that any outside situation has on your life depends on how you react or respond to it. Click To Tweet

And, it’s particularly useful for those of us who like to feel “in control” of things (my hand’s raised!), because it gives us a healthy place to direct that desire. A way to steer what is perhaps the only thing in this life we can control.

Have a watch and I think you’ll agree…

This emotional and behavioral habit just might be the secret to keeping your hands firmly gripped on the driver’s wheel of your life, especially when it counts.


Now, I’d love to hear from you.

Where’s a specific area in your life that employing the 90% rule would make the greatest positive impact?

When you comment, share as much detail as possible. Because thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may be exactly what someone else needs to have a breakthrough.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

Enormous thanks for sharing so bravely and making Tuesday one of THE BEST days of week!

With enormous love,

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265 comments

  1. I have a friend who says our attitude is a lot like a rudder on a ship: it determines our direction in life.

    Taking even two seconds to breathe before you “react” often gives you just enough space to thoughtfully consider what’s going on.

    BUT, when I’m triggered, I learned a cool technique called “track shifting” – where I stop, check in with what I’m feeling, then explore what thoughts are triggering that emotional reaction. Once I validate the emotions, they often lose their power. But if i’m still feeling triggered, I can ask myself 3 questions to move me forward:

    1. Is this thought true?
    2. Does it apply to this situation (or am I dredging up the past)?
    3. Does this thought empower me?

    From there, I can CHOOSE my thoughts, which then trigger new emotions.

    • Lisa – that really reminds me of The Work by Byron Katie – such a simple but effective method!

    • Lisa,

      Love this technique. Those three questions, along with Marie’s three questions are powerfully bring you back to the moment.

    • Great insights, Lisa! Love the rudder analogy! 🙂

    • Raven

      Thank Marie. I appreciate your “Much-ness.” You are so fun in your dispensation of practical wisdom. By the way, you quoted Chuck Swindoll. Could you share the book title that is from?

    • Jewel

      Hello Marie,

      Short time subscriber (6 mo?) first time replier.

      This video was a good one. They are all pretty good, but this one speaks to me..

      Kindest thanks,

      Jewel

      • Chelsea - Team Forleo

        YAY Jewel — thank you for leaving your first comment. We’re so happy to have you in our MarieTV family, and glad this particular episode struck a chord.

    • Franves Mahan

      Thank you, great insight Marie. I have been searching for a job for the past seven months. Today, I am glad to have a good attitude and composure about been rejected. I do believe that there is something greater out there waiting for me.

      Excellent view at life. So true.

      Frances Mahan

    • Thanks Lisa, really true, really helpful!

    • This is such great advice. These three tips help when dealing with my mother especially. Thank you for the great advice!

    • I was wondering why I kept putting off watching this video. Something inside told me that I needed to watch it but I resisted.

      Clearly now was the right time to watch because I really needed to hear this. I’ve been quite reactionary these days and I’ve been trying to find ways to calm the inner turmoil over the everyday/mundane that has been getting to me.

      Thanks for this Marie!

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Wonderful, Amélie — we’re so glad to hear that, and hope it helps serve as a point of inspiration for seeking that calm space for you 🙂

  2. Love Chuck Swindoll! This is the “attitude adjuster” many, many BNI chapters use to bring the team into 1 mindset before the meeting starts! My favorite tip is: Check yourself. Taking inventory of the present moment is such a great way of calming down that primitive brain and reclaiming our rational selves. Nothing bad about an amygdala — it protects us from really scary stuff that can do bodily harm. But most of us spend a lot of time actually hurting OURSELVES by allowing all those fight/flight hormones to take over our bodies! As we head into the rush of the holiday season, my commitment, personally, is to check myself and practice the 3G’s of prosperity: Gratitude, Generosity and Grace! Blessings!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Love those 3 Gs, Virginia!

  3. I used to agree 100% with that quote “90% is how you react to it”, it does make sense on the surface and helps shift into a better attitude.

    But what I’ve come so see, as I explored the nature of thought, is that 100% of my experience IS create by my own thought. So I don’t have to actually change my thinking or try to control how I react to life, I just have to see that my entire reality is created by my own thinking.

    Hugely freeing.

    XO

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Caroline! That would make such a good mantra: “My entire reality is created by my own thinking.” Love it!

    • Emma-Kate

      Hey Caroline, It sounds like you’ve discovered the Three Principles. I agree totally with your comment. Wouldn’t it be awesome if everyone had an understanding of them? I’ve personally been looking at the Three Principles for around six months, and already the little, everyday shifts that are occurring regardless of whether I get to meditate or keep up my personal care ‘rituals’ have been transformative. Like they say, “nothing changes, but everything is different!”

    • Well put, Caroline, and I am in agreement. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  4. I live by a mantra to “Come from Love” in everything I do. It’s just as hard as remembering to respond rather than react. However, both work hand-in-hand. 😀

    I find responding vs. reacting most difficult in my immediate family. It’s hard to hold my tongue and check myself! So, this is where my most intense inner and outer work is happening. Coming from love (which doesn’t mean be a doormat) and responding. It makes for a much more peaceful home life than when I surrender my power and get caught up in the reaction hurricane.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      What a delicate balance that is — but you’re doing such an amazing job with it!

  5. Andrea

    Very helpful reminder that life our experiences are all shaped by our thoughts and attitude. We determine this – like you said 10% circumstances and 90% attitude. I resigned from a high level title and long career with a company and have been unemployed now for the last 6 months and haven’t figured out what comes next in my chapter. This can truly help me.

  6. I loved this! I’ve been a huge fan of Chuck Swindoll for years, so I was excited when you began with a quote of his.

    Marie, this isn’t new info, how you addressed this “known” fact of 90/10 was great. I’m not sure I can wrap my head around the “This is what I love” I’ll have to ponder – taking action too – before I can really grasp it. I’m willing to give it a go, ‘tho.

    Thank you for my Tuesday love from you, I look forward to it!

  7. This was a really good episode. Like you, I’ve heard this many times, but each time I hear it, it hits me differently.

    I think the area of my life where an attitude adjustment could have the most impact is my career. “And this is what I want” is going to be the way in which I shift that. Wow. I feel empowered already having put that in the context of my career. It makes it seem, well, like I chose it! Because, well, I did! 😉

    Peace in your crease…lol! I listened aalllll the way…

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Woohoo! I’m so glad this tip is helping in your career. I know every field has its pros and cons, so I hope this will help turn some of those cons into more pros. 🙂

  8. Oh heck yes!!

    I am an absolute student of this rule. My early adulthood held a whole lot of the happening-to-me stuff: I had a baby at 19, married shortly thereafter, second baby in 2 years, followed swiftly by a divorce and then (2 days after my ex moved out) I started University.

    Yup. It was a mess, but I was able to somehow react by moving forward. The times I let the things happening to me be in control, I fell apart. When I reacted on purpose, things became at the very least deal-with-able & at the very most – amazing.

    HUGE!

    “And this is what I want” will help me to keep that focus, Marie. Thanks!!

    xo
    K

    • I did it hard going back to Uni too Kris, some people thinking I was biting off more than I could chew and yet there is never a better time than now hey? Congratulations lady – you rock! Some of the best advice I got was not to allow stress around studying – it gets in the way of the learning sticking in the brain where we need it. Taking a five minute breather and doing that meditation technique that Marie was talking about in the last episode of Marie TV, can completely get those creative juices flowing again for an assignment or to allow learning to sink into our brain AND it takes the pressure off a deadline at the same time. Feel the hug I’m sending to you!

  9. Great tips, Marie, THANKS for sharing!

    Well, it would help me in nurturing my positive Mindset, in all ups and downs of my entrepreneurship, in monitoring my campaigns and when I get stuck in rain without my umbrella 🙂

    Have a wonderful day, Marie!

    Vera

  10. Thanks for the video, Marie! I took Josh’s Committed Impulse class a few years ago and those tippy toed squats definitely leave an impression…”I swear I really want this! (I just forget why!)”

    I think life in general is where this 90% rule makes the most sense. I feel like I have a pretty constant want to always be 10 steps ahead of where I am, but I will never be 10 steps ahead of where I am, I will only ever be right here. Every step is part of the whole journey and every step deserves to be appreciated as part of what I want.

    Thank you for giving us a reminder of this today!

    • Every step deserves to be appreciated…..❤️
      Needed to hear that this morning!
      Thanks Lucy

  11. Teal Beatty

    really enjoyed this. Very helpful. Yes, something we know but good to be reminded at all times.

    I can change my attitude and perspective on dealing with some PTSD.

  12. Hilaree

    I’ve recently moved out of the country with my family for my husbands work and it has been TOUGH! But with a change in attitude this big life change has helped to see the sunshine again.

  13. I loved this episode!

    I am a huge fan of using meditation as a method to help with how we respond vs. react. I always refer back to this quote by Viktor Frankl:
    “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

    Meditation has helped me with “that space” between stimulus and response and I feel that I can actually choose my response.

    There is so much freedom in that!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      LOVE that quote, Amy! There’s so much truth in those words. That space between is really where our power lives.

    • Thank you! I could not remeber where I read that!!

  14. This reminds of a quote I have on my website from author Victor Frankl:
    “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms…to choose one’s own way.” Yes.

    As for your question, I think the one area for me is abundance: focusing on it, my attitude towards, and my reaction to it. Thanks for a great mantra (and this is what I want) and two really fantastic quotes.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I love that Frankl quote. 🙂 It’s such a good one!

  15. Agata

    I love this episode. And it so matches my current situation. I have been unemployed for two months now, and I have spent last three weeks on “why me, why now…” thinking, which makes me bitter and negative. Now I am going with ” and this is what I want” instead.

    Thank you Marie for reminding me of this possibility!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad this week’s episode is timely and helpful! I know being unemployed is challenging, so we’re sending lots of love your way during this time of transition.

  16. Ahhh I needed this quote a few weeks back when I had a big tech problem!

    Luckily, I calmed myself down and was able to see that having the problem happen in November instead of January 1st was a HUGE blessing in and of itself (my business is all about fitness).

    I really DID and DO want to work out any major issues before our client base expands in the New Year, even if the extra unplanned work right before family came to town didn’t feel too wonderful.

    Thanks for these tips for the next time shiitake hits the fan 🙂

    • Why was I thinking about applying this to IT issues as the first thing that popped into my head too?! That is the shiitake that always likes to hit fans:)

      • Mandy - Team Forleo

        Tech troubles are super stressful, so I totally hear you! That’s what popped into my head first too, and definitely how I’ll be applying this week’s tips personally.

  17. Major attitude shift dawned on me in the last week or so!

    I’m a full time high-school teacher, and I write fiction, and about a year ago I started blogging and writing an e-book in order to start a business as a writing coach in a few years.

    My attitude problem was that I used to ask myself, “Can I even do this?” Teaching is time consuming, how can I possibly correct papers, mentor students, plan classes AND start a business?

    So in the last few days, suddenly I realized, why am I asking if I can do this, I AM DOING THIS! Sure there are setbacks, but there is also steady progress. I’m writing, planning and learning about what I want next. Then I started to realize, teaching is the PERFECT day job. Why was I even questioning it. It’s the perfect training ground for the next career I’m developing, and I only work 180 days a year.

    It was all attitude. BTW reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book is soooo helpful.

    Cheers,
    Emily

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Oh I can TOTALLY see how Liz’s book is helping you with this! Good luck!!

  18. I have no issue with Chuck Swindoll’s 10% comment, but having taken an Executive Assistant certification course in which his “attitude” statement was a part, I only have strong issue with the part of his statement that attitude is more important than facts…sorry but we have way too much attitude and very little facts when it comes to issues currently going on. Sorry but my Jersey Girl is showing.

  19. Maggie Rowe

    Hi Marie and Team Forleo,
    Respond vs. React: I’ve been practicing this for years and will continue for years… =)

    Such a powerful mindset shift. It reminds me of the quote, “Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.” – Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor

    I take my power back and I’m 100% responsible for the energy I bring to EVERY space and to every relationship (business and personal).

    Awareness is the first step! Lots of LOVE ~ Thanks for BEing YOU!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      What an amazing quote! I love that one. It definitely makes you think twice about how our presence can impact the space and environment we’re in.

  20. There were sooooo many nuggets of wonderfulness in this video! “…and this is what I want.” At first I thought this was an intro to what you had wanted in the situation, It took me a second to realize we are acknowledging and showing gratitude for the actual situation. Holy perspective shift! I can’t wait to try this mantra out the next situation that isn’t what I expected. For me I don’t see a place in my life where the 90% rule shouldn’t be used. I’ve always believed that i can only control myself and my expectations and I love there is an actual rule I can now keep handy:)

  21. Hi, Marie,

    I’ve been immersing myself in material that reinforces your 10%/90% quote. (Although just as Caroline mentioned,a lot of what I hear puts the attitude impact closer to 100%!) After 6 decades of conditioning that somehow didn’t teach me this truth :-), the practice is intense and often overwhelming. It’s also empowering and exciting.
    Living with my mother who’s diagnosed with dementia gives me lots of practice. Reminding myself to smile when I feel a frown ruling my day is a simple way to help shift my energy into a positive place and being kind to myself is absolutely the best gift–not only to me, but to the ones around me. When I hear an impatient tone in my voice I can almost always trace it back to impatience/unhappiness with myself first.
    Thank you so much for your Tuesday videos! You can’t even imagine the wonderful lift they give to my week.

    All the best–for real!,
    Marilyn

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad this week’s episode was timely! I can definitely see how being mindful of your energy around your mom is important. My great-grandmother had dementia and being in check with our attitudes was something the entire family had to learn and be mindful of. The experience taught us all a lot and it’s something I think all of us now carry forward in our interactions with most everyone we meet. Sending lots of love to you and your sweet mom!

  22. This video was dropped into my mailbox perfectly timed by the universe!
    My husband and I recently moved our little family from NYC to Detroit MI. He gave up a well paying job as an attorney and I gave up well paying Teaching Artist jobs in NYC. We both are now building from the ground up – pursuing life dreams on our own terms.

    I was looking over our monthly budget sheet and started really freaking out because we are not close to making what we were used to.

    I love “and this is what I want!” because it is and it puts everything into perspective. We saw the opportunity to grow and knew the hard work that will come. Now its a matter of pushing forward and meeting financial goals!

    Thank you, Marie & Team!

  23. Michele

    I agree and know that it is better to respond than react. For me, it takes practice. Thank you for the great tips on how to make that happen! I have a few areas that need an attitude adjustment, but the one that would create the most impact would be responding more positively to opportunities that come my way for my career. I don’t give myself enough credit for my achievements and find myself automatically explaining why I have been searching for a job for so long, putting the emphasis on raising my children rather than responding confidently with all I have accomplished during that time through contract jobs and volunteer work, offering that my real experience is several years ago. I want to respond with an attitude that I am currently a savvy business woman, to finally secure a job.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You have so many gifts and talents to share with the world and I’m so glad you’re making a commitment to appreciating yourself as a savvy businesswoman. You might like this episode of MarieTV as you’re on this journey: http://www.marieforleo.com/2011/01/gain-selfconfidence-business/ It’s all about how to gain confidence in business. We’re cheering you on!

      • Michele

        Thank you Mandy and Team Forleo! I did like the gain self-confidence business video and will focus on how on can help others while putting myself out there. 🙂

  24. I <3 Tuesdays, Marie!

    Thank you so much for this episode and the introduction to Chuck Swindoll! I'll be using "And this is what I want!" when the many noises of my old farmhouse interrupt my thoughts this week.

    Awesome reframe!

    Hugs and enormous love backatcha!

  25. Chelsea

    Thank you for this video. Today I woke up early and was dreading the things I know I have to get done and I felt angry because before my day started I already see the big mountain I must clime.
    Then saying “I have this and this to do today and I want this is what I want” turned that mountain in to a hill – Thank you and I wish a good day for you.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad this tip helped get your day off to a good start! That makes us happy to hear. We’re wishing you a cheerful rest of the day and week ahead. 🙂

  26. It's my life

    As I recently discovered my long term boyfiriend has been cheating on me this quote couldn’t be more powerful. I have left him and now I stand on the bridge of rehashing his deceit, of seeking out all the lies, of dragging my pain on -or- accepting the blessing of my decision to leave, of freeing my energy my thoughts and living my life. They say happiness is the best revenge and I believe that can only be true when the happiness is authentic and not tied to the desire for him to suffer but for me. Simply choosing myself. I want to be ready to be this person to get off the bridge but right now I’m stuck, what if knowing matters, what is the full truth will save me future pain in future relationships, what if knowing forever cements my decision to leave. Isn’t it my right to know, can’t I allow myself more than two days of hatred before releasing a relationship I was fully committed to. These are my personal thoughts but hearing the quote is one thing applying it to a real situation gives it merit. I hope this helps others, if not myself in the coming days.

    • Val

      I am 2 years out of a very painful divorce from my husband of 20 years. Looking back I realize how emotionally abusive the relationship was and how small I had become in order to not outshine his star. An older friend of mine recently pointed out to me that his leaving gave me “a get out of jail free pass!” (And she was right… Who knew???)

      I hope you come to find the same is true for you!

    • If you are not already aware of it you might consider using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques or tapping) to help dissolve the negative emotions. In this way you can dissipate them instead of just trying to walk past them. EFT can be a HUGE help for love pain and breakups. And, pretty much anything else, as well. I think using EFT is part of the 90% — helps us take responsibility for our feelings and actually change, and our attitude will naturally shift in the process.

  27. Dating as a 45 year old divorced single mom. I’m single for the first time since I was 16 years old. Needless to say, it’s kinda terrifying. What I need to do is stop worrying about finding the “right guy” and be the right gal. I need to let go and focus on all the positive things about being single. It’s just weird to be a me after being a we for more than 26 years of my life.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      We’re sending lots of love your way during this time of transition. I love what you shared about not worrying about finding the right guy and being the right gal. We believe in you and we’re cheering you on as you become the right gal. <3

  28. Hi Marie – thanks for the great reminder. I had not heard the one part “this is what I want” before though. What a great idea to add to what I’m doing! I felt like that added a piece of empowerment, that -yes I can- to my part of the input to the energy of the situation. It’s been a lil hard to remember to train myself to embrace the situation so I can take charge of it. Brilliant! What a good and easy mantra to remember 🙂

  29. OMG, Marie, I LOVE your dress. Anywayyy…

    As always, great tips. I myself practice a couple of them – the this is what I want part doesn’t come so easily, but I will try it!

    Right now I am building my business from the ground up, and I would really be doing better if I stopped thinking it’s supposed to be hard and embrace how easy and pleasant it can actually be. I’m stressing myself way too much and not enjoying this enough. A change in this “OMG, I have to do this and my future depends on it” attitude would sound like: “The right people and opportunities come to me. And I embrace them.”

    Or something similar. A self-assure mantra should help!

    Thanks for making me evaluate the situation and come up with a solution. I really needed this. *hug*

  30. Marcy

    I use Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map techniques a lot … I ask myself “how do I WANT to feel right now?” and I conjure up feelings that I want to have.
    For example, the other day I was late to meet a client and I had a raging headache and I felt really lousy. So as I was sitting in traffic I slowed my breathing and said “I want to feel in control. I want to feel clear headed. I want to feel confident” and I put my energy towards getting to that place. It worked!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome! Energy is a powerful thing and it’s great that you were able to direct yours to the positive place you needed it to go. 🙂

  31. How fabulous! “And this is what I want.” Love it! We all know about reframing after the fact and seeing the potential benefits in every situation but to flat out state in the heat of the moment that we actually desire what’s happening? Brilliant!

    My challenge has been anything that delays what I want to do or where I want to go – things such as technical glitches that take up my time or transit snags – and I know it’s because of my attitude and what I make it mean. i make it mean that if my time is being taken away from what I believe I am here to do then, obviously!, what I do is of no value and, therefore, I am of no value. Wow, I’m feeling the tears start to come even as I’m sitting here in the coffee shop! Anyway, I have been working on the attitude and this mantra will help me realize that I may, in fact, desire these things to happen for some cosmic reason so it’s all good. Thanks so much!

  32. I come from a long line of strong headed, emotionally charged women, and this is a challenge all of the time. I’m learning to stop a bit more, and let things go, but that instantaneous reaction is so difficult to calm down.

    I have found, since having my son, I’ve HAD to start reacting differently. My attitude has had to change to be a good mom and a good role model. I LOVE #2 in your tips, because in truth it is reality. If I’m ok, what’s the problem, really?

  33. Attitude. Hold your tongue. Noted! Thanks, Marie!

  34. Paulina

    This past year has been one of tremendous difficulty, to say the least. It could’ve been a lot worse had I let all of the negative aspects of my life consume me. Actually, it did and it sucked….big time! So, I decided that while the circumstances were out of my control my thoughts and attitude toward them were not. So, I did everything in my power to shift my focus from a place of darkness and despair to one of light and hope. Attitude is everything. I just wish I had heard “and this is what I want” 9 months ago. I don’t know that I would have applied that when the shiitake hit the fan. but I can now and that is what keeps me moving forward. Thanks, Marie!

  35. Elja

    It is so true!! My practice is now to shift my attitude (when I think of it.) by making a choice between abundance or lack…. It really changes your reality!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true! It makes a big difference. 🙂

  36. Loved this episode! Totally true. A lot of times you react negatively and with judgement in a situation because you don’t understand it. I always apply “D.I.E” in situations that frustrate me. Describe the situation, infer what is happening (maybe there is something you don’t know or understand) and then explain why you’re feeling the way you do usually, after this technique I calm down. You don’t have to always agree with people or why things are happening, but you can accept them for what they are. Thanks, Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is super helpful! Not understanding a situation is probably the cause of so much of the world’s frustration. Thanks so much for sharing this great technique with us!

  37. Sarah Miller

    Hi Marie,

    Thank you so much for your hard work. I love your insights and explanations. So…. I’m currently mid 40’s. At this point in my life, I do my best to decipher how my reaction to a situation will impact my focus. I cannot focus and get a problem managed if I’m freaking out. I have found freaking out alienates flimsy people. I have to rethink my attitude and perspective pretty much all the time. I ask myself if my lizard brain is in charge.

    • Love the lizard brain in charge thing! I am totally gonna use that!

      • Sarah Miller

        I got that from Seth Godin.

  38. Loved this thank you marie!! I could definitely use this in my job. My attitude could really helo me in making it a better experience for me!!

  39. Thanks so much for this video and reminding us all of a daily truth, Marie.
    Bob’s quote also remind me of another truism: there is only the power of an individual to change their own life. The power of one.

    No, one can’t change everything. There is no real magic in real life. But you can change how you react to situations and keep from making the same mistakes before or those before you made.

  40. Roger

    An Expression of Gratitude Creates a Shift in Attitude!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a really good motto, Roger! Thanks for sharing.

  41. I’m so glad you mentioned, Marie, that meditation is helpful to you. I surprise myself each time I think before I speak, and I know for sure it’s because I take the first minutes of the day to practice shutting the *bleep* up and watching my thoughts come and go.

    The area of my life I usually apply this goodness to is my parenting, but today I’m refocusing it on my attitude toward my work. I am a singer/songwriter who – so far – funds my creative work through teaching music. Although I love teaching, I want to make more time to write and record and maybe even perform some. My attitude – so far – has been to make my creative work a side gig and just fit it in between all the teaching. Then I mope that I never have enough time and money to write and record.

    Wah! That’s yucky. So, I appreciate the reminder that it’s my own attitude that sets the course. I’m-a go sit wit dat. Thanks!

  42. I really enjoyed this video because of two reasons.
    1. Its reminded me that I have indeed gotten better at slowing down, thinking, and reacting appropriately as I have gone through some big changes in my life. So pats on my back for that, which I forget to give myself credit for things that I can’t easily see everyday.

    2. It has put in perspective again that I can’t change the action of others. I will hold my tongue and check myself despite all the fiery things in me because I actually don’t want to lose the relationships in my life that are currently testing me right now.

    Thank you for sharing your insight to Swindoll’s thoughts!

    xx,
    Mariah

  43. In relations it’s magic
    Every time I start become crazy, angry, frustrated or sad.
    I say take a breathe baby and see the situations on a positive way.
    My three steps
    Acceptation of what is
    What I wanna live? Is my attitude aligned with my wish for my life?
    What can I do? and for that part I listen to my heart and intuition.

    When it is about tragedy it still the same.

    Let the emotions, accept, what I wanna live even If I lost that part of me, and what can I do.
    When I lost someone ( and It happens early in my life), I really focus on live a grateful, honored what this people give to me, and be happy in the best way I can.

    Thank you Marie for that remind in this episode

  44. I needed this so much today! I’m a wife, mom and full-time grad student. I find myself getting incredibly frustrated at one particular classmate who consistently puts forth minimal effort and displays such a thorough lack of professionalism that I wonder why/how he’s even in the program. It was initially just annoying being in every class with him, but over a year and a half I’ve built up some real anger and resentment. Then I’m mad at myself for allowing my emotions to be so affected by someone else’s antics.

    Some students (including me) sat down and talked to him last semester about how his performance was affecting the whole class (it’s a small program) and that convo went in one ear and out the other. It’s abundantly clear that his behavior is not going to change. So before I go crazy over this situation I will definitely work on controlling my attitude toward it. I was literally praying for an answer on how to deal with this and moments later opened this email.

    The “…and this is what I want” part is going to be an interesting challenge. I’m trying it today. Thank you, Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad this episode came at just the right time! It’s amazing how one person’s energy can put a damper on the whole program. But that also means that one person’s energy can lift that damper too. We’ve got our fingers crossed that your attitude will shine a light and inspire him to change his behavior.

  45. Teddi

    Marie, thank you for sharing this! I struggle with having meltdowns when I reach a bump in the road. My brain automatically jumps to “worse case scenario” whenever I come across an issue in my business. I’ve been working hard at not immediately reacting in total freak out mode when a problem arises. Taking a few deep breaths, walking away for a moment to clear my mind, setting aside a project until the next day to have a chance to think about it.. These are things that have helped me. And definitely actively choosing to change your attitude about the things that are thrown your way makes a difference, too.

  46. This video could not have come at a better time. I find with the holidays and family, there seems to be so much tension that comes up. In the past I used to be a huge reactor but I’ve learned some stuff to help me cool down. Now I can add these awesome 3 steps to make me even better. Thank you Marie!

  47. ok…its a given that Marie’s content is Queen….and it turns out, i just fall in love with her wardrobe too! It would be super cool if you all would start putting a little tag line somewhere telling us (me?) where she gets each days’ outfit…like today for example….LOVE LOVE LOVING the black and white dress…gotta have it! thanks

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thanks for your kind words! I know Marie is a fan of Anthropologie and gets some stuff from there and Marie’s stylist, the fabulous Elsa Isaac, is a big help too.

  48. I have gotten so good at dealing with things when I am not getting my way, when something comes up, etc because I start off my day with a meditative walk which helps me slow down, and also gives me time to clear my mind or think each morning. And working out also helps as well. But the best thing I have ever done to stay positive about the shit I don’t want to be positive about is when I came to realize, that I NEED struggle to either teach me a lesson or help me appreciate the good when I have it.

    However I do go into panic mode about boyfriend stuff, but I think it’s just because it is new and in a matter of time I will learn to control my reactions there as well.. it’s just very new thing to me to be this open and care so much about another person. So once again, thanks universe for this struggle because it’s gonna help me grow too!

    • Christina

      I always try to have a positive attitude, but of course there’s always room for improvement. Patience with other people is something I continue to strive to master. I always find that killing people with kindness makes it more difficult for them to be harsh to you most of the time.

  49. LIZA

    This morning I started to react to something that triggered memories of a past event. My first reaction was to take control and to get to the bottom of what was going on, I felt my energy level rising but for the wrong reason and it was leaving me drained. Then I had an AHA moment! I mentally pulled myself back and sat down, took a deep breath, and wrote in my journal: Remember to devote 90% of your time on you, and then the other 10% of you, you can share. So why are you letting this 10% control you right now, when the other 90% of you needs your attention? Get back to work, the world needs you! I then went back to work and stopped in here to see what Marie had to say, when I had another AHA moment!

    I grinned and said out loud, “I’ve got this!”

    Thanks Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome! It looks like the universe is trying to tell you that you’re on the right track. 🙂

  50. Amy

    I have been a huge fan of Chuck Swindoll’s for years! So glad to see his wisdom incorporated into, the always great, Marie Forleo post today. This was SUCH a needed reminder because, while I’ve read it, been shifted by it, and relayed it to my clients, it’s a great “check myself” that gets me to dig deeper. I pray that my blind spots will be exposed in this area (i.e. “Where do I need to improve upon this that might NOT be so obvious but is often the most crucial?) Since we’re “putting it out there” this morning, I need to adjust my attitude about addressing some health issues that will start in January. I need an open mind and heart that this time, things will improve after many attempts without success. Thank you Marie! YOU are a blessing.

  51. Janice

    In all areas of my life… “I Want This” is the one I most work with. And it’s the toughest one when the Shitake is really hitting the fan. Truth is tho: It aligns me with Reality, the thing that’s actually happening. Arguing with reality never changes the situation; only causes me anguish, upset, i.e. Suffering. The 90% rule was originally coined by the Greek philosopher Epictetus: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”. Thanks for the great episode today Marie!

  52. Lisa

    Marie…this is so off topic..but I have to know after the “hair wrangling.” What are your secrets for such amazing hair? Maybe a Marie episode about beauty, self care and fashion tips. We all want to look our best while we are growing and creating our service and mission in the world. You are always so beautiful, glowing and well dressed. A day in the life a Marie would be a fun video!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      What a cool idea, Lisa! Thanks so much for sharing this suggestion with us. 🙂

  53. “Where’s a specific area in your life that employing the 90% rule would make the greatest positive impact?”

    This is a lovely Q: my area I could shift attitude in, is my feelings about the size of my audience – my small following seems to correlate with my lack of confidence (relatively speaking though – I am a 1000% more confident than I was a few years ago ;-)) – and just not being clear about the best ways in which I can share my wonderful offerings.

    I’ve had a lot of clarity through doing B-School, and think that with it coming up again soon, I’ll benefit hugely from redoing it.

    As a fine artist and writer, I tend to periodically get fuzzy in my focus, as the dynamism of my practise leads me to keep changing format/ sign-up buttons/ calls to action/ offerings, etc!

    I sometimes get caught up in a) trying to present EVERYTHING to my audience – probably too much for free, b) trying to do everything totally by myself, c) avoiding important structural aspects (like, how my money is organised), and d) keeping on track.
    Because of these things, I spread myself thin at times!

    I think if I BELIEVED I was more organised, I’d find much more success in all areas: I’ve developed my brand and my business focus in my work a lot over the past couple of years, and I’ve a good basic structure in place – I guess I just have to keep on with the great work! 😉

    I also think I have to accept that the level of control I want over all phases of my business, makes it slow progress with other aspects – if I accept that for the time being, this is a sacrifice I am making, in order to keep everything uncompromisingly how-I-want-it, then I can develop further from this point, rather than just beating myself up that I’m not somewhere else, already!
    😀

    Thanks again, Marie! Lots of love to you and Team Forleo! xx

  54. Great advice. I love all of your videos and they are always helpful.

  55. denice

    I could use this when I get overwhelmed by started my new coaching business. All the technical requirements can get confusing but I should say “And this is what I want” then get someone to help me do it!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so wise. Marie is a big fan of hiring out tasks that are out of your area of expertise, or otherwise difficult and frustrating to the point that it negatively affects other areas of your life and business. Having someone help can be a great way to change your attitude about an unpleasant task and even make it enjoyable. 🙂

  56. What a great post! I caught myself this morning being frustrated with a prospective client. I have put in several hours in proposals and research, and am ready to rock – but they are taking their time and continuing to ask for “outside of scope” items.

    I realize that if I have a crappy attitude about it – they’re not going to sign.

    They send me too many requests without being a signed client AND I WANT THIS.

    🙂

  57. Dear Marie,

    I’ve watched many of your videos and this one really hit home.

    It is 100% about your attitude. I’ve been in so many situations that I’ve handled well but there’ve been a couple that really stick out in my mind because I handled them poorly, and I made the instant(bad) choice to react instead of taking a breath.

    These situations could have turned out better for ME if my “flight or flght” status had not been engaged. That status happens out of fear, and the immediate fear is handled, like you said, by calming down, taking a breath, and engaging your inner yogi. In business, it’s usually not the end of the world, but when we feel like we’re attacked, sometimes we don’t think- if we act too hastily.

    Thanks for the awesome video and for dishing out the great advice every week. You’re appreciated more than you know!

    All the best,

    Marni

  58. This is a foundation mantra for me. Attitude makes the difference between an ordeal and adventure.

  59. Love this! And I totally get your intro… I too feel like I’ve heard it, used it… not always successfully. Great words by Chuck Swindoll, presented in an actionable plan by you <3
    With gratitude,
    Cheryl

  60. Liz

    When I’m really mad at my husband I’ve trained myself to focus on all the reasons I married him, why I love him. I list these reasons in my head and I feel my state changing and the anger disappears. I believe this to be a marriage saver. We’ve been married 12 years and have 4 beautiful children together.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      That’s an awesome technique, Liz.

  61. Wow! Love this one, Marie and team!

    I have been working on applying this with my work this past year and have noticed that when I am grounded, I am better able to handle any challenges that come my way. But the interesting thing is, when I deliberately applied it to work, it started to have a ripple effect into other areas of my life such as my marriage and parenthood. I have learned that I don’t need to think about applying a technique like this to ALL parts of my life, but when I focus on one, it naturally happens in other areas too. This may seem obvious, but I think it is often so easy for us to feel overwhelmed by ALL the things in our lives that we want to fix and improve. But really, when we take the time to focus on one that it inevitably impacts us completely.

  62. Shir

    A thing that my attitude could (and actually is) have a great impact is my relationship.
    Specifically, moving out to a shared space with my boyfriend. A few months ago he started thinking about it, but then he started thinking it might not be the time for him. I am more of a doer in that means, but I love him and when I shifted my attitude I was able to see all the lovely things he has done for me and our relationship, and how much appreciation I have for him. I’ve accepted the fact, that pushing won’t lead anywhere, as I think that sometimes when it seems nothing goes right, it might just be that I’m going left.
    I felt so much relief letting that go, and in these months our relationship got so much more amazing. It’s a daily practice, and it’s so effective!

  63. Great Video Marie.
    My mother always tells me
    “Mantenga su lengua, no decir nada. Te quedas tranquilo.”
    Translation
    “Hold your tongue, don’t say anything. You stay tranquil”

    To answer your question the aspect of my life where I could use some attitude adjusting is my finances. I currently do not have a source of income, but through the process of daily gratitude I have began to notice all of the great material things I have and have access to. The luxuries in my life that I am fortunate to have like an apartment, food, fresh water, fresh air, a cellphone, a boyfriend who supports me both financially and in my personal endeavors.

    I have some many great people in my life and my day to day is filled with abundance everywhere. My new and growing attitude is being grateful for all of the people and things that bring me joy daily.

  64. Melissa

    I’ve recently been studying some materials that discuss living your life in a manner that you are always behaving as your highest self. (At the moment I can’t recall what I was reading or I would reference it.) So now, when I’ve been presented with a situation that I might react negatively to, I’ve begun asking myself “What would my highest self do?” before I respond. I realize that keeping this mindset will take me forward to living every day and every moment as my best self.

  65. This is one of my favorite quotes ever!!! And I SO needed the reminder about it. Thank you! I think I really could use an attitude adjustment over my whole life- I tend to be so flaky when difficulty hits. I didn’t use to be that way, but somewhere in my journey of life I picked that up. But, I am determined to keep fighting. Thanks Maria!

  66. I think that it’s so appropriate that this is the video for the holiday season~!
    I do find that spending time with family brings up a lot of those juicy reactionary areas that I may not otherwise see. I’ve gotten a lot better over the years but I still find myself needing to be extra-conscious of grounding myself and being aware of energetic boundaries too.

    Another area that I can work on is when I get sick. I always feel so defeated when I’m not in optimal condition to tackle my day. What I know in my heart is that those times are a blessing – where I’m being called to rest. It also serves as a reminder to be grateful for a healthy body and to be really diligent in taking care of it.

  67. Oliver

    Realizing that “Sometimes we cannot get revenge or just compensation for our loss”.

  68. Hi Marie, years ago when I worked in the restaurant business as a busboy, a customer walked in and I asked him how he was doing. His response was a huge, “GREAT!” The impact of his proclamation shocked me to my core. I never forgot it and started using it on a daily basis. I tell the story in a book I wrote called “Stepping Off The Mat.”

    My statement, “great” caused some to declare that a person cannot be doing great all the time and I would agree with them. As I told they, “sometimes I’m merely doing pretty good.” which leaves room for even “greater” later on.

    Attitude opens up all other venues, such as a question I often ask of my new students or new friends. Can one change his past? The normal answer is no. I say you can change it.

    The answer is that we are always adding to or building our past, so now a new part of my past is this commentary to you.

    Keep up the great work.

  69. Im mega thankful for all the work team forelo does! this episode was really a mindset gem and can be applied to every area of life. dopeness! keep up the great work xx

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Thanks a million for the kind words, Tracy!!

  70. I love how this captures and simplifies such an important reminder – thinking and connecting with ourselves before we speak. I teach this stuff in workshops and still struggle with it! I am a volunteer for an organization that supports women taking responsibility for their thoughts, feelings words and actions and created a video that conveys a similar message. This is the first time I have posted but felt compelled because this topic is so near and dear to my heart!

  71. I have never hear anything truer than this! I always need to take a deep breath and ‘check myself’ before responding to client emails 🙂

    Wait the size 10 falls right off the size 8 wont zip?? There is no size 9…Oh you would like a size 9 specially made for you???? (insert image of me pulling my hair out)

  72. Jose

    I loved this episode! It definitely brightened my day. You always know how to keep it real, Marie!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      SO happy to hear that, Jose 🙂

  73. Never thought of the “This is what I want” technique. Very interesting. Thanks for the inspiration!

  74. Amanda

    Thanks Marie, I love you very muchly for all the time you give. My family would be the one thing I need to change my attitude with.

    Thanks again.

  75. B.

    Dear Marie,
    I believe you did your best to give this video to us. BUT Mr Chuck Swindoll got this idea from great Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl. I feel so uncomfortable watching you say Mr. Ch.S. is a brilliant genious, while he`s not the one who actually share this wisdom to the world.
    XO,
    B.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing that with us, B.! Marie credited Chuck in this episode since she learned it from him, but we appreciate you letting us know where he would have picked this idea up from as well.

  76. Carmin

    Yes! This is exactly true Marie. Yesterday was a great day, I felt very light and not bogged down. Today I feel “off” so for me, that means taking a bit of time to ask myself what the issue is, “re-boot” and then start again. Meditation helps immensely for me. I also find that if I don’t sleep well (which I haven’t been), I tend to overreact to things. Good attitude equals better outlook equals functioning at a higher frequency.

  77. Carmin

    Oh…I also like saying out loud, “And this is what I want!”. It is very powerful to say things out loud and to put pen to paper…

  78. Julie

    What a wonderful reminder! On a related note, a life lesson I’ve learned that has been a game-changer for me and my relationships is the importance of forgiveness. When I (finally) learned that forgiving is not about the person asking for our forgiveness but more about us choosing – with our heart and head – to forgive the person for their indiscretion – we can have an entirely new mindset and begin again with the person with whom we previously felt hurt. Of course, as in Marie’s lesson from today, there are complicated situations where this isn’t easy or as simple. But for so many cases in our daily lives, it can be the most freeing, liberating and healing shift to make!

    On that note, keep shining friends 🙂

  79. Excellent advice Marie!

    This is something I’ve been working on for a while now. It does take time and meditation certainly does help. In the end, as much as I want to let it all out at times, it is so much better for my mind, body and soul to reflect and respond mindfully. One other question I ask myself in seemingly tough situations is – Is this a side battle I can let go? OR Is this battle even worth my energy, sweat, and tears? If not, I move on. Life’s way too short.

    And I have to agree with some of the others. I come here to get nuggets of wisdom and also to check out the beautiful dresses you wear. Love this lovely black and white one!

    Cheers,
    Tikiri

  80. This is an intruiging choice of quotes for me today, Ms. Forleo. For over 10 years, I was in charge of the training program for all new hires at our company. I included this quote in our training packet. I believe it 100%. And yet…
    The greatest challenge for me is that the quote was inserted in the training packet originally by a manager who was a former close friend of mine, someone who betrayed me many times & tried to fire me after she rose to the top of mgmt, and after I had given over a decade of service to the organization. I have recently resigned from that very dysfunctional and abusive organization, taken a giant leap of faith, and moved across the country without a job to begin a new life full of love. Clearly, this resentment is an area of my life where I need the most work. In fact, I am in agreement that we are 100% responsible for what happens in our lives, as Caroline Frenette described above, as described in the work of Ernest Holmes and Louise Hay and others. VERY hard to practice regularly! It is SO very worth it though – as I have seen concrete results in my life from changing my thinking! Consistent practice of these principles, including positive affirmations to replace the “negative tapes,” is hard work – especially when things are going well!

    Because it was so difficult for me to hear this advice today, I realized that I needed to share.

    Once again, Ms. Forleo, you have shared some deep and loving advice, within a framework of lightheartedness and beauty. Thank you.

  81. J. Marie Smith

    Thank you for this video-I really needed it right now. It can be hard when life gets crazy. I have pushed aside my dreams for the past year after a difficult situation took over my life. I spent this time serving the needs of the people affected by what has gone on. Instead of healing, I feel that my decision has hurt me tremendously because I have not done anything in the past year for my career. ( I am a fiction writer.) And now everything is overwhelming.

    I enjoyed your video because you are right! We cannot change the past. But we can change our reactions. Even though I am overwhelmed, you have inspired me to start taking action to go for what I truly want. I can help my loved ones and do what I need to do for my own health. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

  82. Amen to Attitude….I carry a quote on the back of my phone that says, ” The only thing we have complete and total control over is our mental attitude”. I think its from Earle Nightengale, but cannot remember…Thank you for the reminder as I learn how to handle my extremely persevering son of 7 years, who simply does not take “no” for an answer and has profound way of convincing and moving the situation onto his side…I am learning patience and having a “nuetral” attitude, not getting upset when he is getting upset for not getting what he wants. Its a total struggle that I do not want to keep having and this is what I needed to hear today!! You are beautiful, brilliant, bright, and behold your audience with your ability to add humor and personal experience into your show!

  83. I absolutely loved this Marie! That quote from Chuck Swindoll is awesome, hits home & is so very true about everything in life! Thanks for collating this great episode xx

  84. This could not have been more timely. I did a quick overnight pet-sitting job for someone (through a friend who needed help that night in her pet-sitting business). The person told my friend that a ‘wine stain’ had been found on her linen/white couch cover that she had just paid 230.00 to have cleaned prior to the holidays. Obviously this could only have been left by me, right? Thing is…I didn’t have any wine. Long story short, I gave up the check to help cover this most horrid disaster. While I was initially offended out the wazoo I realized there was NOTHING I did wrong. So now it’s just funny, and I’m really grateful that in our home we have dog-friendly, wine-friendly, people-friendly surroundings. I actually pity this person as well as her couch :o) Thanks for this fantastic video!

  85. Hey Marie and Team,

    I am really learning to hold my tongue and I feel so empowered. I have had a few slip ups and I feel disappointed and stupid. But the moment makes me realize that I still have work to do and I’m not as Zen as I thought!

    Loving the ‘this is what I want’… thanks Josh

    Naomi

  86. Marie,

    Your dress is fabulous!!

    This video spoke to me today, I’ve been going through a lot of stress due to the atmosphere of my current “day job” as well as working on getting my illustration company up and running.
    The current atmosphere I work in is very stressful and blame placing, I need to not add to that but react with more kindness and solutions.

    Thank you Marie!

    • Hey Sheila! I used to be in a toxic workplace as well, and I finally left it for good and started my own company. I used to keep a notebook full off affirmations and would write in it to flip the switch and “take control” or ownership when things popped up that felt negative or stressful. I hope this helps you! 🙂

      Also, I love that you’re starting your own company! That’s so wonderful! It’s truly an adventure.

      – Allison

  87. Nancy

    Thanks for another great episode. Our attitude shapes our whole life experience. For me, it is about learning and growing no matter is going on.

    When challenges arise, I try to stop and take an objective look at the situation and ask “Why is this happening FOR me?” instead of “Why is this happening TO me?” Some major life changes take a little time to get that perspective but with practice, it becomes second nature. The answer is that no matter what it is going on in life, I am learning a lesson that is for my greater good (and most likely others).

    Some of our biggest challenges are our biggest gifts. I was knocked on my ass with chronic migraine 3 yrs ago and lost not only my health and career but soooooo much more that I won’t go into. But, what a gift! I learned and practice meditation. Cleaned up my eating. Celebrate and enjoy little accomplishments. Strengthened relationships with friends and family. Got back into yoga over time. Take time out to take care of me so I can help others. Concentrate on what is most important. Come back to the authentic me.

    Remembering that “this too shall pass” is helpful in any situation, so you fully appreciate the good and live in the now and when you are in painful times remember it won’t last forever so hang in there.

    The other lesson was “Where the mind goes, energy flows” so focusing on the negative or (emotional, mental, spiritual or physicsl) pain only makes things worse. Training yourself to focus on the desired outcome, what is good in your world right now makes all the difference. Like you said, even if it is appreciating that your heart is still beating and you are still breathing. If we step back for a second to look around, there is so much to be grateful for no matter what the circumstances if we just look. – it IS all about your attitude.

  88. Being a mom is the biggest area of my life that needs this attitude change. I’ve been working on it for years, but it’s so tough when a child is screaming how much they hate me to just embrace it. I think it would be very helpful to do this, though.

  89. Dear Marie

    I sooo needed that today! I have spending years holding resentment and anger over a business/relationship partnership where I was bullied to spend money in ways I didn’t want to. I have tried unsuccessfully to end the relationship and the business side. I keep getting into something that I feel ruins my credibility and my self esteem…I feel so stuck. But a positive attitude would make a massive difference. As a negative one is taking me under.

  90. I really needed this right now. Thank you so much.

    I’ve always believed myself to be an in control person. I meditate. I read a lot of amazing books on how to create an amazing life, and of course I’m subscribed to Marie Forleo 🙂 But that moment my brother called me a loser, I forgot everything I’ve learned, and reacted horribly without even thinking and now I can feel that what I did made Buddha look at me and disappointedly say “tsk.tsk.” lol Being called a loser is technically a very small thing. It just hit my ego that hard. My ego be like, “I know I’m still broke but damn it I’m working so hard to make myself feel better and to push myself back on the positive trail. I have a lot of things coming that I don’t boast about. Who the hell are you to call me a loser?” Then came the attitude followed by the action. Regret followed soon enough.

    This quote indeed is such a life changer. It makes me more aware of how easily I react when I’m triggered. Next time I’m really going to reflect before doing anything. Who knows, the time I take for self reflection equals the time it takes to cool down and move on like it never happened. Thank you so much for this. 🙂

  91. Marie,

    yes. yes. yes. and by the way – you have a wonderful attitude!! This really served me when I my life was turned upside down by a debilitating illness. As much as I wanted my old life back, I kept thanking my body and the pain for the gifts it would give me, what it could teach me, and what’d I’d experience through the journey. It was that attitude that enabled me to really stay open and enjoy life even while in pain. I totally agree – Attitude is Everything, and the only thing we really can control. Love love love your show! And I loved Bschool. Thanks.

  92. I had a major turning point in my life and business when my baby boy was in intensive care for his first 5 months of life.
    One day, on the edge of nervous breakdown, I had some incredible channeled wisdom:
    “It’s time to change your story.”

    I couldn’t change my baby’s situation, I couldn’t change that I needed to be there for him and that we were in the most intense situation imaginable every day for months on end.

    But I could change my attitude. In minutes I stopped seeing myself as a victim, and consciously saw my being there in a totally different light.

    I went from edge of breakdown, to less than an hour later, feeling strong, centered and present for my boy as I sat by his bed while he ‘crashed’ and had to be resuscitated.

    That’s the power of shifting our attitude and changing as our story.

    I’m a different person today, and this lesson underlies everything I teach (and much of the healing and readings I do) in my business.

    Thanks for recognizing its potency, Marie. Xx

    • Well done Stacie! That must have been so hard but I’m sure you’re family is stronger for your strength and positive outlook.

  93. Thanks for sharing this Marie!

    When big problems arise, times that I could reasonably expect an attitude breakdown, is usually when I find it easier to breathe, ground myself and ‘act’ rather than ‘react’. Often it is the little daily stressors that I tend to create a mountain out of a mole-hill!

    So, the next time when my husband carries a whole raw chicken across the kitchen floor without a plate, and I want to put on my miss-bossy-pants and pull him up on it, I will check myself.

    I’ll ask “Am I ok? Am I breathing? Is the ground beneath my feet?” The answer will be yes, I will remember that the floor can be mopped, the chicken will be fine and the night will stay fun and light.

    B School and Marie TV continues to provide so much inspiration for how I want to live my life – thank you!

  94. JP

    Business aside, this message comes to me a day after my oldest son had 3 grand mal seizures. Holding my 11 year old boy as his body shakes uncontrollably, I’m faced with asking either “why God?” or “what are we going to do about it?” Once the seizing subsides, he asks, “Daddy, why does this happen to me?” I can only answer that “I don’t know. But you are never alone in this and we will do everything we can to make this better. When we get through this, we will know that we can handle just about anything. Until then, we will trust God and make the most of every day.” That’s my 90%.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      JP, that sounds so scary. I’m sorry you have to go through that! Your mindset is incredible, though, and I have no doubt it’s a comfort for your son.

  95. I do think the only thing you can “control” is what you think and allow yourself to see.
    And what happens to us IS important….
    MORE important is how we choose to respond.

    I see people get freaked out by weather. Geesh.

    Embrace it or choose something else.

    When I’m getting all cranky (like a child does when some need isn’t getting met) I ask myself “what do you need” and then I find ways to meet that need myself.

    What if we taught that to kids – “what do you need” and just allowed them to find their words instead of deciding for them. Some pretty healthy kids and adults.

    Great share Marie…love those a-ha’s to quotes or lessons we *think* we have down or have “heard it before.”
    ~

  96. Christine

    Thank you Marie. For your content yes, but your Jersey Girl, down to earth, shoot from the hip delivery method. I dig it. So, while I lament still not having launched my business because my family is taking up so much of my time (along with a dash of ‘I have no idea where to start’) I can be glad I’m here for them. I can trust the timing of my life. I can love them where they are, love me where I am and know that this is all subject to change. I trust that someday I will do the work I love to/want to/am called to do and do it authentically and with genuine love……all while making money which I haven’t done in years. You are a gem!

  97. LOVE this philosophy. I can definitely use it at work, but I see the biggest, most immediate impact being in my personal life. My parents are going through a messy divorce and keep dragging my sibling and I into it with their issues. If I can choose to react more calmly, help define my boundaries for them, this will make a huge difference to my state of mind and happiness.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, Victoria, and I bet it will also make things clearer and lighter for them too. Sending big hugs to you and your family as you go through this change, and wishing you the calm you most hope for in navigating it.

      XO

  98. Kellie Sue

    This is so very true. I too have had to learn to hold my tongue (or fingers – I used to get super pissed and fire off emails and texts and then regret it), and to check that I am ok is brilliant. Unfortunately, part of my process with anything is venting, which I do in a journal and sometimes to my iPhone recorder as I go around arguing with the person to myself (listening back is often completely hilarious).
    What I have realized during this past year, is that the past approximately 20 years of my life have been pure reaction to my childhood and the image of myself I had because of childhood trauma. I couldn’t even see that until I was far enough away from it to get a new perspective — finally, a healthier one. It’s so weird and sad how something like what I went through can so cloud your sense of self and set you off in a trajectory that no one with a healthy, solid foundation would take. And literally, it was like I just woke up one day, and realized “why am I here? I don’t have to do this. it’s not even worth it.” As Reverend Michael B. Beckwith says, “You can’t hide your secret thoughts. They show up as your life.” So yep — 90% how you react is the FULL-ON truth. And hopefully, we aren’t so very damaged that we can react in a powerfully positive way. But the great thing that you get from your own journey – at least in my case — is massive compassion for other people.
    Thank you, Marie, for yet another very lovely wise video!! You just rock. 🙂

    • Hi Kelly,

      I am so glad to hear that you made it through. And certainly you are not alone, we all have our crosses to bear, and you can use your life and experiences to encourage the next woman or human being that may experiencing what you’ve gone through. Thanks for sharing.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Beautiful share, Kellie.

      • Kellie Sue

        Thank you.?

  99. I love this quote. When things go wrong, I like to say “this is the best thing that could of happened.”

  100. Love this episode, Marie! Making lemonade out of life’s lemons is always a great choice, and we have to remind ourselves daily that attitude truly IS a choice.

    Today was one of those especially “lemony” days for me… had an issue with an insurance company that I’ve been trying to resolve for weeks AND my car broke down! So I was on the phone all day (in between work sessions) dealing with hold music and phone prompt hell (push 1 for this department, push 2 for this department…. sorry, you pushed 0 and that’s not allowed!).

    When I got home, I was completely exhausted and just wanted to collapse and wallow in my misery. However, I knew that my 14-year-old daughter would be coming home on the bus any moment… so instead, I took a quick shower, fixed my hair and makeup, and greeted her with a huge hug and a smilie when she walked in the door!

    Attitudes can be contagious… so make sure yours is the kind others want to catch! 🙂

    • Mariette

      That’s awesome

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Sandi, go you. That’s a hard switch to make sometimes, and it sounds like you nailed it. Cheers (with lemonade glass raised)!

  101. Oksana

    Yes! This is one of my mom’s bits wisdom – if you can’t change the circumstances, change you attitude to them. And the older I get, the more professional I am at using this wisdom 🙂 too bad I haven’t figured out the way to explain this clearly enough to my 11 years old boy :)))))))

  102. Lindsay

    This is a great reminder! A specific area I could better apply this to is in my work: sometimes you aren’t in control and it is best to know that you can, and should, try new things and know that you can choose a positive attitude and move forward regardless of the outcome.

  103. Mariette

    Thank you! This came like a message or reminder to me, which I really needed. I’ve been in a difficult situation for quite a while now and this I truly believe will help me (help myself) to get out. I’ll have to create a visual reminder of this to keep me on my toes. Thank you again.

  104. Marie, you are fantastic! Thank you so much for this episode!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Caty!

  105. Vivian

    For years I have heard that message, most often from people with higher authority and experience. It never sank into me until the last 10 years since I became one of those people. The concept is now so deeply entrenched, very few things bother me, even my own health challenges because I have always known the issues would be temporary, even when others doubted it. Marie, please keep pushing this message because it will always hit the right person when they are ready to receive it.

    Thank you again for all of your wisdom and uniqueness and making Tuesdays an even brighter day!

  106. Val

    I love the parable of the Taoist farmer– who can say that something is “good” or something is “bad”– our lenses can only see past and present, not future!

  107. Would you please post that quote from Chuck Swindoll? and what book is that from? Thank you! Awesome video. I have saved many relationships by my own meditation practice. 😉 Taming my dragon.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Cynthia, absolutely! I’m not sure where the quote originated from — whether it was from his writings or something he said in one of his talks or interviews, but here’s the quote for you:

      “Life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.” -Charles Swindoll

  108. Megan Watson

    Thank you! I needed to hear this and it could have helped me today. I am easily emotional and I’ve been finding my teaching job even more stressful than at other schools I have been at. I had a situation today where I should have held my tongue because it really did turn into a big mess especially when I perpetuated it by sending an email to another person on the same topic that I was venting about. I needed to both hold my tongue and check myself. These are two skills that I will try to apply to change my attitude. Thank you for your sharing this quote and how to use it.

  109. Elle

    There is so much wisdom and hope in this attitude owning. Thanks Chuck and Marie! My attitude of fear and self-protectiveness in my relationship is keeping me from experiencing true love and joy. It’s not my partner creating a negative circumstance, it’s me choosing an attitude that says he’s going to hurt me so I need to stay tough and keep my heart shielded. If I could transmute my fear into cheerfulness, as the choice it is, I believe I could feel the full scope of love and serve both myself and my partner. And this is what I want.

  110. Seraphine

    Thanks for your great tips Marie, this episode helped brighten me up right after feeling down because of some annoying events. Though i agree with “90% how you react to it” and this woke me up not to let the situation control me anymore, it freed me! However, i found out more that, before i react to the situation, annoying events was made by past thinking, nagative attitude or limited beliefs , so now to see and control my life better, i won’t let anything nagative influence me as well as take responsibility for all of my actions “this is what i want”.
    Thanks again for this great episode 🙂

  111. Marie,
    I loved being reminded of the 90/10 rule. We often don’t realize how what we bring to situations can make things better. Such a powerful thing. As for me, I want to change how I view putting my business out there. I have such fear of being visible, but I need to think about how I can change that thought/reaction.
    Sincerely,
    Claudia

  112. Mara Lee Gilbert

    “And this is what I want.” Great tool!!! Very helpful for me right now, as I haven’t yet found my ideal working conditions while writing and brainstorming, but saying, “and this is what I want,” makes all conditions ideal!

    Reminds me of a similar tool: instead of saying, “I HAVE to do this. I HAVE to do that.” Flip it to “I GET to do this! I GET to do that!” which makes all your tasks seem like an exciting venture you’re about to take!

    Thank you Marie! Ever Grateful!

  113. NURTURE = INERT -ure. (inert = still or non-reactive)

    When we NURTURE ourselves, we render the chemical reactivity in our cells INERT.

    (chemical REactivity is simply replaying old patterns of fear…cuddle the fears…NURTURE)

  114. Jerry Kallberg

    Dear Marie,
    Thanks for the timely 10/90 reminder. I knew of it but never embodied it. What really jumped out at me in your video was the “And this is what I want”. I began a downhill slide a couple of weeks before the holiday weekend and spent one of the most unpleasant Thanksgiving weekends I can recall. Most of the adversities were out of my control but today when I added “and this is what I want” I quickly accepted responsibility and made a major shift.

    A huge dark cloud was lifted and what I perceived as one of my worse Thanksgiving holidays I can now say was one of my best. It will l always remind me that the light is always present. “And this is what I want” is my new mantra.

    My utmost gratitude,
    Jerry

  115. I have a newborn at home and sleep deprivation is something that’s happening to me big time. My daughter wakes up every few hours to nurse or just to hang out in the middle of the night. My personal projects are totally on hold – sometimes such simple personal care as taking a shower gets shifted to the back burner! I feel like I’m faced daily with the choice to be a grumpy mess or to let go and accept the way things are for now and appreciate them. I had the privilege of taking a class with Josh years ago but I’d forgotten about “And this is what I want”. Thanks for the timely reminder.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Hope, you’re so dear to write this note, and also completely not alone. Sleep deprivation, the trying of your patience, the putting your own self on hold — it’s all so familiar in the story of motherhood and also very temporary and unique to this phase.

      Congratulations on the new baby girl, and be extra kind to yourself right now.

      Sending loads of love (and restful thoughts to your daughter) from us.
      XOXO

  116. Sarito

    I agree with every point except the last one. If I were home writing and there was drilling going on, I would prefer to say, “And this is what I don’t want. What can I do about it?” Chances are, I could get up and go to the library or cafe, put on ear plugs or noise canceling headphones or music, etc. By acknowledging my discomfort, I open the door to action and self-care.

  117. Katie

    Hello, I really enjoyed that quote and I think it’s a great concept to spread, taking people away from talking about their circumstantial limitations and reminding us we all have power over our own responses, and can shape our life that way!

    I have a question as I saw the link to B School at the end of this video and went over to check it out but it says registration is now closed, is that correct?

    Many thanks,
    Katie 🙂

  118. Another brilliant one Marie! Having an attitude of gratitude always helps me pull out of dark places, especially when I’m grieving. I wrote a blog about it @travelingmegphoto.com for those people who are grieving this time of year.

    I really loved your tip on asking yourself if you’re okay in this moment. Also loved the quote from Chick Swindoll at the end. That ones going in my journal! Thanks Marie 🙂

  119. This episode is a great reminder as we head into the Christmas season where everything is supposed to be about love, service, and gratitude — but sometimes we forget! Thanks, MarieTV and Team Forleo!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Absolutely. Thank YOU for watching and listening. Happy holidays!

  120. Sarah Saleh

    Dear Marie,

    Thank you so much for being the person you are, and most importantly for sharing your wisdom with us all.
    I truly admire and respect people who love to share their knowledge with others, and love to benefit everyone from what they’ve learned through life.
    I always look forward to your videos.
    Also, thanks to your lovely team members who contribute and help making Marie TV what it is: a positive and inspiring place to be.

    Much love, Sarah Saleh.

  121. 10 years ago when I used to go to college at 1 station there was this quote.. life is 10% how u make it and 90% how u take it.. but awesome video.. need to keep reminding our selves about this over and over again.. nice dress.. looking really sweet.. in a nice way! .. I am an entrepreneur in a start up like u already know
    there are times I think of quitting and then I step out .. look at the broader picture.. and step in again.. really helps.. thanks again.. keep up the great work

  122. Lily

    Hi Marie,

    Great advice on attitude! But I have to be honest. I just don’t get Josh’s “this is what I want” mantra. Can you explain that further sometime? Some of those examples don’t make sense to my logical self. Who would want rain at their outdoor wedding? Why would you want to want that? The exercise example does make sense – clear means to a desired end.

    Thanks,

    Lily

  123. Leigh Schlemmer

    What a great service you provide to us, Marie TV (and helpers!) This “attitude” topic is hitting me pretty hard these days. Last year I tackled LIVING with depression (as opposed to struggling and/or suffering as I had for 15+ years). NOW I’m just about ready to start my own life coaching biz. Some days I have a “toddler” attitude (“I don’t wanna ??”). But I’m learning to respectfully put that baby in the corner. ?

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Leigh, what an amazing place you’re in. It can absolutely be scary when you’re at a bit of a precipice, but just keep following your heart and pushing yourself to take action just like I’m sure you did all of last year too.

      When starting something new, these two quotes from Marie can be incredibly guiding:

      “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.”

      “Everything is figureoutable.”

  124. Great topic and video, Marie and Team.
    Marie used the work “jouzge” when her stylist was prepping her hair in the first 10 seconds. It’s my favorite word for obvious reasons…its super fun to say but more importantly it is power, confidence and a zen state of awesomeness. It feels incredible appropriate that Marie used it on this weeks video and it is really an attitude to draw upon to overcome challenging situations.
    I happen to be in a challenging spot. No one is going to remember if I failed or succeeded but they WILL remember how I dealt with it.
    Thank goodness I so much jouzge!
    Thank you for the post!

  125. Marie, Thank You! Your messages are always on time. I was feeling a little down, and am working on picking myself up, and this certainly helped. I agree with you; and while you spoke I began to think of all the messages I know, (but needed reminding) regarding reacting vs. responding. There is a pivotal difference; and that is to think, meditate, or pause before you respond. A reaction is more of a snap decision, and you said it best, holding your tongue, keystroke, or what have you makes ALL the difference.

    Another quote I like on attitude is “A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you can’t go anywhere until you change it.”

    Have a great day!

  126. Suzanne Viverito

    I have never responded before even thought you have touched my heart and soul MANY times…..HOWEVER…

    HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!

    This message was much needed now. I obviously don’t know what you’re going through, but I send you my love and support. THANK YOU! SO GRATEFUL FOR YOURS!!!!!

  127. An area of my life where change of attitude can have a HUGE impact is my business. It’s a fresh new month with fresh targets and I feel scared in declaring a really big goal/game to play for this month. What will people think of me if I declare something big and fail? As I write this I can see how ridiculous that thought is. It’s my own goal/target so who cares? I can choose the more healthy thought which is “If I don’t hit my target, I don’t hit my target.” That’s all it is. It doesn’t mean that I’m a failure, it just means that I didn’t hit my target one month. Whew! Thanks for letting my sit on the shrink’s couch. That felt good!

  128. I’m typically very reactionary … in my relationships, to situations that catch me off guard or appear pretty stressful. I do a good job of wearing how I’m feeling.

    I think the best area of my life I could apply the 90% rule would be towards any situation that catches me off guard. I can tend to have a negative attitude & spout off my initial thoughts before stopping and actually thinking about what I’m about to say.

    Thanks for yet another amazing video, Marie : )

  129. You are so funny Marie. I love your sense of humor. Thank you for posting this today. I believe that attitude is everything. What helps me in challenging times is perspective and being thankful in every circumstance. That was a big lesson I had to learn. Thank you for all the info you have today in the video from Chuck Swindoll.

  130. Great great post Marie! I hadn’t heard the “And this is what I want” yet….and I’m about to go do Insanity so I can definitely use this lol On a serious note, I need a change of attitude when I’m reacting to my kids. Less negative response and instead positive encouragement. I hold my temper almost everywhere, but I do allow my kids to get on that last nerve, and need to shift my reaction. Thanks for the encouragement <3

  131. Indiana

    Oh my! I def need to get into meditation???? Phew thank you so much for the insight … Love much Indiana

  132. This has been on my mind this week, and especially this time of year.

    “God/Universe does not reward or punish you. He/It has given you the power to award or punish yourself by use or misuse of your own reason and willpower.” ~ Paramahans Yogananda

    I think that about sums it up in the spirit of today’s video. 🙂

    Thanks Marie!

  133. Jessica Straus

    Marie,

    I’ve been listening to your podcast for over a year now, and I have to say I love it! I’m finally getting around to posting.

    Why do I love it? Because I love your goofy-wisdom, dance-it out philosophy. And you make me think.

    This time, you made me think of how I’m reacting to my life, things that are really out of my control. Like the construction going on next door, that is making the most noise in the morning when I crave peace and silence with my coffee. Yesterday it was driving me crazy. But this video got me thinking of a better response instead of going crazy. Oh, yeah…!

    So, this morning I put on ear plugs and I sat outside in the sunlight. I barely heard the pounding and what I noticed was the sun, and how warm it felt, and the gentle breeze on my skin. My other senses were actually amplified, and it was something I would not have felt, had it not been for the noise. It felt really wonderful, and peaceful and a new perspective emerged, a new question.

    Where in my life can I put on “ear-plugs” and tune up my other senses? Where can I tune into what makes me feel good and tune out what doesn’t? And where can I find peace in a world, where often, people are still focusing on the negative (our media, etc.)

    So from the is stressful situation, I found a profound, simple answer.

    I can’t control the noise going on in another person’s house (building on/off for 4 months,… and metaphorically), but I can control how I don’t hear it, and really explore more options of where to find my peace and my joy…and do my happy dance. 🙂 And move forward to something more…well, in alignment with my purpose and who I am. And not get caught up in the craziness, unless I feel I have no choice. But there is always a choice, isn’t there?

    Thanks for this video! I’m going to find a beautiful, peaceful place to work outside, and maybe, I bump into something even more extraordinary, and unexpected.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Beautiful note, Jessica. Hope you do bump into something extraordinary and unexpected. XO

  134. Attitude is a game changer for so many of my clients. When they finally make the shift – great things start to happen. Marie – I will show all those amazing woman your video – the ‘attitude issue’ is something to be reminded constantly to make life more beYOUtiful:))))
    love&freedom

  135. Robert Ohotto

    Hey Marie! First of all, I’m a huge fan, I’ve recommended many of your videos to my audience. Today was great, but there was a big blind side to this formula of 90/10 my opinion. Having done thousands of intuitive readings by this point in my career I’ve tracked that many folks lack a capacity to re-direct their attitude simply by choosing something more affirming. ‘Choice’ of this nature in fact isn’t available to many people. Especially those who have suffered trauma/abandonment as children and out of that have created (mal)adapted strategies to survive that still haunt them as adults. To put your formula to use first requires that they cultivate the ‘choice of attitude’. Until then this 90/10 formula can serve as a massive by-pass to dealing with core wounds. I’ve found that those who can’t accomplish this ‘attitude choice’ often then feel even more shame which compounds in their psyche and further reinforces their feelings of unworthiness. For many folks the first step in my opinion needs to be full acceptance of how they feel without claiming ‘this is how they want it to be’. In fact true un-snagged acceptance comes from letting things be as they are while acknowledging you don’t want them that way, and that can be OK. Many people in your audience are chasing success to fill wounds, so I have a sense that much of what I just laid out would apply to them. Just some food for thought…keep shining! YOU ABSOLUTELY ROCK!

  136. André

    Everything she said is wonderful, except for that “this is what I want” thing. This is bullshit. How can I ever say that crashing my car is what I want? Oh, please!

  137. Hi, Marie!

    The answer to your question: Relationships.

    However, there is a difference between reaction and response, and I’ve learned that reacting is what we have to avoid. Not many people know this, and it’s been major for me in understanding the way I naturally operate.

    The step #1 can also read “Hold your tongue and/or pen”, because it happened to me to send an email when I was in a reactive mode – not fun.

    Step #2 for me is a tiny different. I check to see if the reaction/ feeling I get in that situation is familiar. That means to me that I am caught inside an old pattern, a reaction that is conditioned by neural pathways coming from old experiences, meaning that I may react to an old experience that ‘looks’ like the new one.

    Step #3 has an explanation behind it. “And this is what I want” is a valid mantra because the present moment can only be the way it is, so if I’m in a certain situation, I attracted/ created it, which means that yes, this is what I actually want, even if it doesn’t look like it.

    What I noticed, for me, is that I get in temper tantrum as soon as things don’t play out the way I expect or want. That awareness, to me, was a major step to improving my relationships. I’m working on becoming aware when the tantrum shows up, which is always easy to identify – if the feeling is familiar, it must be a tantrum, which is a reaction, not a response. So, I bite my tongue, tell my loved ones that I need a bit of time to figure out some stuff on my own, and that I’ll come back a ‘new me’ 😉

    Serendipity brought this episode to me, as I just dealt with a major drama created by me, by writing an email in the middle of a tantrum. So, thank you so much!!

    xo

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Llyane, we’re SO glad to hear this episode arrived at a great time for you. Relationships can be the toughest place to stay grounded and not be in “react” mode, so I totally hear you there. Although they can test us, it’s also such a great place to practice these steps, and it definitely does get better with practice 🙂

  138. Oh my gosh, what a surprise watching this video! Chuck Swindoll is my Great Grandfather! 😀

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Oh, how cool, Jessica! It must have been so fun to see his quote when you clicked play on our video this week 🙂

      • It sure was! I shared it with all my family!

  139. Another gem – thank you Marie! It reminds me of Eckhart Tolle’s wise words:

    “Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it…this will miraculously transform your whole life”

  140. Elena D

    Thanks Marie and Team.
    A great reminder. I remember reading somewhere that the word responsibility can be broken down into “response-ability” – and that we have the ability to respond in more thoughtful ways.

    I shared the 10%/90% rule with a friend right after watching the vid. She was ranting about something truly beyond her control and about to insert herself into a ridiculous neighborhood email exchange. Your video and I helped pull her off the keyboard cliff!
    Thanks so much.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Elena, oh wow, I’m so glad to hear that our episode was timely for you and your friend.

      And I LOVE the “response-ability” idea — I hadn’t heard that before, but it makes a ton of sense. Thank you so much for sharing!

  141. Travis

    Having the right attitude is essential for success in life – so I agree with what you’ve been saying!

  142. Love this approach, it’s crucial to stop, think, consider your response before reacting. I love all your empowering posts and videos x

  143. This video hit home for me, especially considering I’ve held that quote close for years now. It’s made all the difference in my life’s trajectory and what I’ve managed to accomplish. I feel like the moon’s the limit.

    You’ve gotten me to renew my understanding of this quote – like you, I’m reexamining it to see it in new lights and from different angles. It spurred a huge journal entry that helped me work through some serious (and potentially damaging) emotions, and I know that things will work out better in my life as a result. And I can’t thank you enough for that tantalizing invitation to reflect.

    In your video, you use self-reflection as a powerful tool for encouraging response – rather than reaction – to situations (you reflect with the questions “Am I OK in this moment”, etc), and I agree – I reflect on a daily basis. Meditation is a wonderful reccomendation. I need to do it more BUT don’t go a week without doing it; it certainly helps ME reflect and come from a grounded and effective place, lessening how often I react. Reflection is tantamount to meditation (really, it’s more important in my opinion – meditation can be thought of as a means to an end that is reflection), and another tool that’s just as powerful for reflection (more powerful even, imho) is journaling. I don’t check-in with my emotions by just asking myself questions – I write the questions and my answers down. It helps me lean into the situation and my feelings about it.

    By recording my remembrance of situations at a time immediately following said situations in my journal, I create a book of memories, thus enabling me to revisit situations later on with perspective. I’d say perspective is the difference between seeing things clearly or seeing things through a me-centric, biased lens – which means a hell of a lot, because I’m interested in responding and handling the situation from a grounded, effective, useful place. How can I reflect if I don’t record anything to reflect upon? Sometimes memory holds up, but I don’t trust it too much! It’s a human, and thus imperfect, thing. But it bears saying: we’re all beautiful things, perfect in our imperfection. Who thought up this “perfection” thing anyway?! Haha 🙂

    As always, thanks for doing what you do Marie! You’re always insightful and give me something to think about. I appreciate it.

    Sending love and light,

    Taylor

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Taylor,

      Ohhh yes, journaling is amazing! I love your idea of keeping a book of memories.

      And right?? Who thought up perfection, anyway? 😉

  144. Fantastic!

    I´ve changed many areas of my life with this law: 90/10.
    Attitude, gratitude and positive psychology.

    I am a Coach in Brazil and when my coachees ask me how I have a better life I say: first I change myself and after I watch the changing that I want for the world.

    0/

    C. Assis

  145. Jim

    Great post! Attitude is everything, and maybe dispite having one (im an aries) as Marie suggested, meditation (i enjoy the guided, angel, and pleidian medtiations myself) has been a huge help. The practice has guided me to higher level of awareness about my attitude and others. Great post today!

  146. Donald hightower

    Hi Marie this episode you really brought tears to my eyes just thinking about how true it is to live by this mantra. You see i first started using this way of thinking in the U.S Army. I’m a retired Veteran of 20 years of military service and when the stuff hits the fan what do you do? Well about 4 years ago life happened and i lost my mother my step dad and my brother all within 6 months. The stuff hit the fan and knocked me to my knees and a lot of reflection went on in my mind. The main thing i remembered telling myself is that up until that point of my family members passing away did they truly know that i loved them; and the answer was yes they did. The memory of those trying times came crashing down on my heart; when i was watching your video but my personal mantra returned also, you see as you said in your video life happens to us all in our own personal way; so its all about what attitude do we chose to focus on that really matters. When things get really bad for me i seek love because i think that’s the true meaning of life is to find a void and fill it with love. I live this mantra that has gotten through times of great loss such as losing soldiers during combat or personal family members in my life. For me nothing has ever been more healing than love.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Donald, thank you for your beautiful, heartfelt share. I really liked the concept of filling a void with love — that’s such a healing way of approaching tragedy and bad times, and a great idea to keep in mind.

      Thank you so much for your service, and we’re so glad to have you tuning in.

  147. Maja

    Hey Team Marie!

    Just the lesson I needed! TODAY. Wish it was yesterday, but… that’s the 10%. 🙂 I had an minor (errr…?) argument with my boss today, over some FACTS, but now I understand that my ATTITUDE wasn’t really appropriate, and that I should bite my TOUNGE more often.

    The biggest lesson is that 10/90 ratio, meaning you really need to take an action in your life, and be it an appropriate one. 🙂

    It’s always cheering to find your Life Pie Slice in my inbox, so thank you!

    Have a wonderful day!

  148. Public relations is the area specific in my life in which employing the 90 percent rule would make the greatest positive impact. I say this because Changing the World is of Priority now according to me. Good public relations and intelligence produces positive results. I have seen it happening especially when am sharing the light with those who are still in the dark. The following i now have can not go unmentioned, people love the LIGHT and am liking this transpiration of events too.

  149. Taylor

    Hi Marie,

    Thanks so much for your videos. I just wanted to share this quote that I have pinned up on my bulletin board, because I find it beautiful and really applicable to your show this week:

    “Out of the cacophony of random suffering and chaos that can mark human life, the life artist sees or creates a symphony of meaning and order. A life of wholeness does not depend on what we experience. Wholeness depends on how we experience our lives.”
    ~ Desmond Tutu

  150. Your discussion of the 10% – 90% rule is great to hear it repeated again. It will spread the idea further and should be great for everyone. Like you I fail maybe 700 times a day. Then I get out of bed!

    I have to agree with you that we can hear a phrase and say ok … it sounds good and then order another hamburger! That is until smacks you in the face. That’s when we should stop and think more than a nano second. In this it can help us all become more successful and happy with fewer misunderstandings (I hope). After all, the only thing in my rule book that trumps everything is that people are the only thing that matters! Yes really! Thanks for listening and wishing you more success and joy! Rick =)

  151. Hey Marie!

    This video really resonates with me. With the exception of a couple of years after college and now that I’m starting my own business, I’ve always been a waitress, server, barista, bartender, etc. It seems like the majority of conversation that happens behind the scenes in restaurants is always reactionary to the customer, management, colleagues or life away from work. I used to get really caught up in the drama and found myself exhausted and annoyed with work all of the time. I heard this advice a long time ago and found it profound. It’s so true! If I don’t react to the bitching that happens at work, it doesn’t stress me out! Recently, as I’ve been developing my coaching business, I’ve been practicing my listening skills at work (the restaurant, as well as coaching). I’ve found that if I focus on listening instead of talking, that I end up saying much less. It always helps to hear this advice again. I am working towards phasing out this part of my income and coaching full time, and as a result, I’ve found myself more and more annoyed by that job because it’s not where I want to be focused. Being reminded to check myself before I even go to work as well as during a shift is going to help me be peaceful and helpful while I am there, allowing me to enjoy the job for what it is providing me. I don’t need to be involved in the drama, I can bite my tongue and walk away from comments that would come out catty and inappropriate, only fueling the fire. My feet are firmly planted on the ground, my heart is still beating and I am still breathing… I am exactly where I need to be at this very moment and I am in control of my own actions and reactions. It is such a powerful mindset!

    Thanks always for your inspiration!

    Rather

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s so great, Rather! You SO got this, and we’re sending our best wishes for a smooth transition to coaching full time (woohoo!)

  152. Alison

    Ah! I love Chuck Swindoll and I am having such a happy moment of moments colliding.

    Anyway, I am working on my attitude these day regarding my business — focusing on the fact that this is MY journey, and it doesn’t matter how quickly others find success.

    I also started doing the Five Minute Journal daily gratitude exercises, so I really think that will help me put things in perspective.

    Thank you for the consistently valuable content!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Alison! We love when moments collide like that 🙂

  153. Timely reminder Marie =)

    I might also add that it is often handy to remind yourself each day of this mantra. Furthermore, I made it a personal commitment that my attitude do influence how I perceive what is happening to me. I either perceive it as a curse (bad attitude) or blessing (great attitude).

    What happens to you on the outside is less important than what happens to you on the inside. Yeahh!

    Thanks again Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s such a good mantra, Suwandy! Thanks so much for sharing it with us. 🙂

  154. Lee L.

    Thanks, Marie!!: Here is the whole quote. It is excellent!

    ATTITUDE by Charles Swindoll

    “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

    And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes”

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thanks for sharing the whole quote! It really is a good one. 🙂

  155. One of your best episodes yet Marie! xx

  156. Thank you for the reminders! One take a way from this is the reminder how quickly my attitude can change in the 10% that does happen in my life, where the simple steps can get me back to center. So often do I forget to just “STOP!”, “Check myself,” and express, “This is what I want!”

  157. Wonderful Marie, “And that is just what I want.” Great lesson today my friend.

  158. Linda

    This is the BEST Marie Forleo video I think I have seen EVER. Thank you!!

  159. Beautiful, Marie! I have a great attitude, in general. I do have to hold my tongue, though. Great reminder. I love the exercise, I will try that! Thank you! Claudine

  160. Thanks Marie for yet another helpful tip. Your timing is impeccable because this is something I’ve been working on this week. Namely I’ve been disappointed and frustrated with an employee’s performance on the job, and I’ve become reactive and condescending (unintentionally). I thought, “What could raise the vibration for this relationship?” My answer is in two parts — first to have understanding that people can’t always be as skilled or fast or intuitive as I am, and being angry at them is like being mad at a two year old for not reading Sunday’s headlines in the newspaper. He simply doesn’t have the capacity for that. Secondly be grateful (and this was the tough one). Usually I am grateful but turning a day project into a week doesn’t quite put me in my happy place. So against my angry reaction I controlled my reaction and showered him in praise for the help. The vibration was greatly lifted, and performance was slightly better. Mostly it made for a better work environment for both of us with little effect to the outcome. I would fire him but he is my step son, and my hands are tied, so I must learn to make the best of it. Reality is the same, but my perception of it is much better which simply makes my days more pleasurable.

  161. Oh I am so embarrassed to admit I really struggle in this area! But it is my goal from today to actually do so something about it. I have such a great business, but I can get so down and negative when things don’t work like I want them to…. Here’s to biting my tongue ! And to stop sighing about every minor detail!

    Thank you
    Viv

  162. I could react better to failure. When I make a mistake I always get so frustrated, depressed, feel guilty, and hate everything, but I can just pretend that it’s what I want. I get mad at people all the time then feel guilty for the way I reacted and realize I should just try to fix it next time.

  163. This episode has really given me pause…
    I too have heard the 10%-90% many times and it’s always motivated me to take more responsibility and to have a better attitude when things feel hard.

    BUT Josh’s technique – “and this is what I want”- completely stopped me in my tracks. I’m in situation now – due to saying “yes” to opportunities I’ve sought and truly want, I have had to work crazy hours and have not had even half a day off since late August. At times I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself even though I really do want the results, the projects, the publicity.

    Interestingly though, if I say “and this is what I want” I first have a moment of mixed emotions and then I have clarity! And even a bit of cheerfulness :-). This was a long comment to simply say thank you – this really cut through the crap for me!!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Ruth, that’s amazing. So glad this technique in particular is really helping you out!

  164. Dear Marie and all

    I agree with some of the other comments, one of the best videos yet. I love, love love “and this is what I want”. As an empath it’s so easy to feel every one else’s emotions, these words get me back to my own and give me more clarity.

    Going to put the 90/10% question to my Masters, Teachers and Loved Ones in the Akashic Records. That will make for an interesting blog post.

    To add some extra value to ‘this is what I want’, psychic medium John Edward suggests the use of this phrase “Up until now” for behaviors, emotions, situations, circumstances that we wish to free ourselves from.

    So….”Up until now” I have found it difficult to _____________________(fill in the blank) and today I know that even if it is challenging “this is what I want”.

    Ooh!

    Thanks and love!

    Sarah

  165. Brian

    I need an attitude shift about a girl I’m seeing.

    She revealed a sexual past that was too much for me to handle. I am getting over it, and my feelings for her kept me coming back to her to try to amend things and focus on the positives about her.

    I tell myself to let go. It’s better to be happy and to be right. And in Marie’s world: I hold my tongue. I check myself (painful). I tell myself this is what I want, and I’m going for it.

    Thanks Marie.

  166. awesome video,
    great lessons
    hope to use these lessons daily and pass them along to my patients, especially my infertililty patients

  167. Jiwoo

    Thanks Marie.

    This video just enlightened me once again and helped me not to forget what is the true virtue we should pursue in our life. I met you among the darkest – but the brightest – period of my life and I am so appreciated that I can have my journey with you 🙂

    Certainly, “Attitude” is a key factor that brings change in our life. And I think, attitude is something that happens inside you. Attitude is not about your external world but how you organise the ‘inner’ you. For me, turing my focus from outside to my inside and tracing back to the roots of all the things that happened to me changed my life. It does not mean that I did something ‘wrong’ but I need to admit that things are actually starting from me. This attitude radically changed my relationship with parents, friends and even with myself. Though it could be hard at first I strongly believe this attitude will make yourself a true owner of your life.

    Thank you for your enlightening video. I hope I can be a person sharing as much as I can and one day, could be a guest of your channel.
    Thank you again.

  168. Thank you so much for this video. It “hit the spot” today. I’ve been struggling with an issue I’ve never dealt with before, even when I was younger. I recently chose to step out of a profession (Neurological Physical Therapy) due to terrible burn-out. I’m currently working in a job I like, it’s fun, I get to be around people all of the time, and overall I like most of my co-workers, my direct manager, and the company (hospitality). However, there are quite a few strong-willed men who value competition for the “most special”; I don’t think it’s that they are men, but that they value competition as, who is the the most boastful, and the one who can make themselves appear as the most overall “special”, for lack of a better word. I’ve been struggling with the treatment I’ve had there from these people, several are upper level managers, that I’m not too bright, can’t handle much, and “just a runner”. It’s so constant, that I”m starting to feel like I’m not too bright & can’t handle much. Sometimes it makes me angry, and sometimes I go home and cry. Actually, I’ve been inspired by this experience to seek a second masters degree, in adult education and training, with an eye to becoming a corporate trainer. It’s really been very difficult, and I also tend to speak before I think and need to hold my tongue and remember everything in this video; I already felt better thinking And this is what I want. I think I’m going to have to say that to myself a LOT for a while. (: Thank you, very much!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Judie, thank you so much for your note and letting us know this episode came at just the right time for you. It sounds like things have been tough at your job, and we’re grateful to hear that “this is what I want” is helping you feel a little better already.

      It’s great that you’re considering your next steps and looking to become a corporate trainer. We’re sending our best wishes that things start looking up at your job too!

  169. Ric

    Great video as usual, and this is a good mantra to follow, but a tough one to follow. I find that if you have a safe place to “hold on to” or “pull back into” its much easier to check yourself and the choices that will make up your reaction or 90%.

    But attitude is something else though. Attitude is more like a bacterial growth of feelings, that clusters around individual events or thoughts that happen in our lives. If we do not process our feelings or thoughts in a timely manner, they grow and grow like bacteria until eventually we cannot remember the thought or event that caused the animosity except for the feelings. Attitude is really just a group of clustered feeling surrounding our past experiences. That is why its easy to have a positive attitude if one is “winning”, but no so much when one is “losing”. The feelings that surround events of “losing” suddenly overtake us and if there is no “safe haven” to turn too, they forge our response and increase the cluster of feelings that comprise that attitude.

  170. I could benefit most from using your man Josh’s mantra “and I want this” as I am reframing my perception of time. I often feel I don’t have enough of it. So now when I’m hustling and bustling from one thing to the next I’ll add “and I want this!” to my mantras. One I already have started is “there is always enough”.

    I think there is a reason we hear things many times before they hit us like this one hit you, Marie. Often, we are simply not in the right place to hear it every other time. Then, one day, it actually hits us, because the Universe persisted that we needed to hear it, and we are finally ready for the message. It’s like when I teach and repeat the same instructions every class over and over and one day a student has their AHHA moment and can express it in their bodies! I love those moments and they are one of a million reasons I love teaching yoga!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so true, Christine. We have to be receptive to the messages the universe is trying to send to us. And I love your “there is always enough” mantra! Marie has a similar one where she says “there’s always more where that came from” when it comes to matters of abundance, like money or opportunities.

  171. Brooke

    What a great episode, thank you so much. All your episodes are so helpful.

    I’ve hesitated to ask this because I didn’t want to offend since it doesn’t have anything specific to do with your episodes, except that it’s in every episode…so here goes, I will be brave 🙂

    I loooove your studio decor. Have you or would you ever do a studio tour with info? Like, where did you get that amazing super long floating console, or the awesome chair or that stunning piece of artwork? It is all just fabulous.

    I hope this didn’t offend you. I really love your episode content as well. As far as where would the best place to employ that all-important 90%, I would say in the home, certainly. I seem to, sadly, have the worst attitude at home. It’s where I let all my fears out, my stress, and my worries. While out and about I can push them out of my mind, hide them with a happy, positive attitude, or even address them and somehow they seem smaller. But at home, everything comes bubbling to the surface and, I’m ashamed to say, gets taken out on the people I love most. They get the venting me, the worried me, the sad me. They definitely don’t get the upbeat, optimistic, happy me that is my outside-the-house self. Thus, in the home is the first place – at least for me – to start employing this great attitude advice.

    Thanks Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for your sweet compliment, Brooke! That doesn’t offend us at all. Marie hasn’t done a studio tour in the past, though we’re always happy to hear suggestions for future shows. 🙂

      I’m sorry to hear home is a stressful place that causes negative things to bubble up. We’re sending lots of love your way in hopes that things will get better soon!

  172. Himani

    Amazing stuff like always!! I am a fan! I Love your spirit! All of your posts have helped me in some way or the other, but this one has particularly stuck with me! These mantras work like magic! I ve passed them along to my near and dear ones too! Thanks for your wonderful work!

  173. Daryl

    It all comes down to one verse:
    For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

  174. Taking a couple of seconds to think before speaking is a great idea, I just need more than a couple of seconds.I am a highly emotional person and struggle to control my emotions. I feel you are right, meditating regularly helps. Also exercise helps me. Enjoyed the video.

  175. John Curnutt

    Love this episode! Reaction can so often drive success under the appropriate circumstance and mannered response.

  176. Marie, thanks for this. Love it.

  177. “And this is what I want”…

    When I first watched your video, I didn’t quite understand the message. But it stuck with me, and for a few days, I kept saying, “This is EXACTLY what I want(ed) to have happen”. And what a difference it’s made. This mantra helps me keep things in perspective. As a creative being, this is what I wanted, and so… (then I fill in the blank), and end up in a place that is sunshine and roses again 🙂 Thank you for the timely message ~ M

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad to hear that, Manjit. Sometimes it takes a few days for those big ideas to really sink in, but it’s so awesome when they do and result in sunshine and roses 🙂

  178. Jo

    This is great. I love changing our response to ‘this is what I want’. I am in for a very hectic month with work & already I can feel myself responding to this in a negative manner but I feel the difference once I say to myself ‘this is what I want.’ I am going to apply it at home to my dealings with my son too. I am sure the two of us will become happier for it.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Jo! “This is what I want” is so simple, but so powerful. Thanks so much for tuning in!

  179. This is spiritual breakfast for me today.
    It is always nice to start your day with a positive attitude.
    Thank you!

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