Marie Forleo introduction

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I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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“What’s wrong with me? This is nuts. I should be so much further ahead by now.”

Do you ever get caught up in this truly shitastic thought loop? Here’s how it goes.

Based on your age, the ultimate vision you have for your life and the non-stop work you’re putting in, you can’t help but feel behind. Like, desperately behind.

Where you are is exactly where you need to be. Trust the timing of your life. Click To Tweet

You look around at friends and colleagues. Yup, 100% confirmed. Pretty much everyone is leaving you in the dust.

The proof? They’re getting the exact kind of gigs you’d hoped for. Making the kinds of things you’ve been meaning to make. Essentially living your dream life — just better, faster and first.

If you ever feel like you’re always in last place, today’s episode of MarieTV is for you. You’ll learn a simple way to rescue yourself from this toxic emotional vortex we all seem to slip into.


Now, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever struggled with this whole “I should be further ahead by now” thing? What’s helped you make peace with your path? Leave a comment below.

One thing: do share as much detail as possible. Thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may be exactly what someone else needs to get back on track.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

P.S. Another big thanks for the avalanche of blessings shared on last week’s show. We were floored to see over 1,200 comments! We read every one with open hearts and misty eyes. This community continues to astound me.

Enormous thanks for sharing your genius and making Tuesday one of my favorite days of week!

With bundles of love,

OXO

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408 comments

  1. What a great question, I look forward to reading the brilliant answers. For me the social media blinders is KEY. I found myself getting jealous of stuff I already have! How crazy is that? So I deleted my Facebook for several months, and am now back on my own terms, making sure social media works for me instead of the other way around. I am now mindful of how I play into the “compareschlager” game with my own posts. This has led to more presence in my own life, as I’m better able to enjoy the blessings that take place every day, instead of being preoccupied with updating about them.

    My life was changed by starting an Abundance Journal. I keep a simple doc on my laptop, and every couple days I’ll update it with the latest manifestations of abundance. These include finding change on the sidewalk, making an amazing meal with my kickass husband, going on a long bike ride, getting unexpected cash, business progress….whatever makes life feel abundant. This reminds me of how fortunate I am, and makes the generic markers of success irrelevant.

    • Ooo Love the idea of an abundance journal. Think I’ll set one up on my Evernote right now! x

    • There was actually a study done recently that showed that when we reviewed the happenings of our friends on social media, even if they were just minor “good things” – our level of jealousy and dissatisfaction with our own lives would jump in the minutes that followed (even if we were happy just moments before). Social media blinders are a great suggestion. 🙂

      • That’s so interesting, Lisa. I know for me there’s internal work to do to get around that rise in dissatisfaction, but until I get there, social media blinders are a great tool.

    • One thing I always practice: When someone asks how I’m doing I reply with a positive answer. Even if I’m actually having a bad day. “How are you today, Gina?” …. “I’m awesome… !!” Just saying something positive out loud helps change my mind, and I swear it helps the other person feel better, too. Might as well focus on happiness instead of dwelling on the negative. 🙂 Thanks for your awesome message today! – Gina

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Amazing tips, Kimberly. LOVE the Abundance Journal! And I’m kind of jealous of deleting your Facebook — I sort of have FOMO 😉

      • Yes missing out does happen, since FB helps manage event invites, birthday notices, etc. which is why I feel like I need one at least in a professional capacity. Now that I’m back on, I’m more able to pay closer attention to how I feel on there, and ruthlessly protect my well-being. In other words, hide, ignore, unfriend as needed. #boundaries 😀

    • Julie

      Loved this video!

    • Angela Smith

      LOVE the abundance journal…. brilliant!! Starting today. Thank you!

    • Petrice

      THANKS Marie!!!! I so needed to hear this RIGHT NOW! lol

    • Kimberly, THANK YOU for sharing such an insightful post!

      I love the Abundance Journal idea, I use the 750words website to process what’s going on in my life each morning and love to end with Gratitudes, and your idea resonates with me so I think I’ll start using that! Along those lines, every time I find even a penny on the sidewalk I say to myself “Thank you Universe for this sign of Abundance”.

      And of course, the social media blinders. Oof. Great idea taking a step back to assess how you might be doing the same thing to others!

      I love waking up early and working out, which gives me a mental and physical boost to the day. It’s crazy how I feel more self-love if I work out and mentally can focus more easily.

      I also find that when I do something creative first thing in the morning rather than checking email, etc. I feel more productive and positive, especially if i can do a little painting. I want to figure out a system that makes it super easy to add to works in progress or start something new!

      Thanks everyone, huge appreciation to this community!

      Cheers, Karina

      • Oh Karina, I totally agree, working out in the morning makes me feel unstoppable! Meditating is a day game-changer for me also. I love the idea of taking creative action! I write, but that’s my work also, so maybe coloring, or haikus, or ??

    • I sooo resonate w/ what you’re saying, Kimberly! Especially ‘…able to enjoy the blessings that take place every day, instead of being preoccupied with updating about them…’ part.

      I too took a FB break during the summer because I was finding that jealousy sensation creeping in, and funny, instead of things that I already had, like you mention, it was for things I didn’t even care/want. Urrgh, weird!

      Indeed that letting go of all that society has trained us to think are ‘needs’ helps us see how truly blessed we are w/out them.

      Thanks for sharing! =)

      • Right on for taking a FB break when you felt called to, Lizelly! It’s tough to step away but that time-off can be cathartic. Cheers!

    • Thank you for this important message, Marie. I totally agree that this is a sickness in our society.

      What helps me get (and keep) my blinders on is an Evidence Log where I write down every piece of evidence that where I am is indeed exactly where I need to be. It’s like I’m a detective collecting clues that my life is great just the way it is.

      When I was single, I would record things like seeing a cute couple having brunch (which I imagined I’d do with my man one day). It helped me stay focused on what I wanted and helped me feel excited about what would be coming up for me.

      The Evidence Log is a great reminder that seeing something I wanted in action/in real life is a clue that I’m getting closer to having it since it has already shown up in my life in some form.

      • Sherrie

        Love, love, LOVE that idea Natasha! I’m going to do it.

        -Sherrie

        • Natasha,

          I love your idea of “The Evidence Log” this is something I need to incorporate into my daily life, as I find lately I am too focused on what I don’t have yet, instead of the evidence that I am getting there.

          This is going to help immensely in my day-to-day life.

          Thank you for sharing.
          Cheers,
          Simone

      • Kylie

        Love the evidence journal!! On dark days you can look at what you already have achieved or how you have already made a difference and it gives you strength to keep focused and moving forward – how awesome is that!!

      • That is brilliant, Natasha! On it : )

      • Karin

        Do as Natasha says, it really works – I can confirm. I remember the first moment I did that, I literally stopped moving and just stood a while trying to memorize that I have just felt pure completeness. I think not writing it down made it stronger because the memory has all the sensory stuff I wouldn’t be able to put into a written note. It’s the kind of thing that could sound like an affirmation when written down and read much much later, but it’s something totally different when you remember the feeling.

        • Chelsea - Team Forleo

          Beautiful, Karin.

      • Yes, Natasha! I love the Evidence Journal idea. I practiced using that consistently for a few weeks and it was INCREDIBLE. Such a great tool to use when we’re looking for that little dose of extra support and encouragement to see just how we are being supported and encouraged by the Universe throughout our day. My favorite way to break it down was inspired by Gay Hendrick’s “Big Leap” where I explored evidence of being supported in my expansion of abundance, success, and love. Thank you for sharing this reminder!

    • Marie,

      Thank you so much for this episode. I was actually doing the ugly cry of comparison last night at 3AM while my husband tried to talk me down. What helps me going is realizing that, while I may not have landed the dream job right out of grad school that some of my peers did, none of them have started a professional organizing business (or any other kind) the way I have. If I had gotten those opportunities, I never would have realized my own potential as a business owner and that truly would have been tragic.

      Thank you!

      • Hey Ellen!

        I totally agree. I’ve come to realize that some of the experiences in my past that might have seemed negative at the time have brought me to exactly where I need to be today. Working for yourself (and having husbands who lift us up) is such a blessing.

        Good luck in building your business : )

    • Rita B

      OMG your story is a mirror of my life.
      Did everything you wrote. I call my abundance journal “Universe gifts” and I keep the list on my phone.

      Marie TV is on that list!

    • COOL ONE MARIE! I love Louise Hay and she’s helped me with this thing a lot in here Heal your life book! I have often after having 4 kiddos ,including those surprise last train out of heaven twins .felt behind in my Creativity while i blog hopped the Blog Swaps and Parties trying to keep up! then coveting that their kids where older or had no kids so they got to spend time making profitable influential businesses!!(I CAN TOTALLY DO THOSE THINGS)….Guess WHAT? Sleep Deprivation while Compareschlagering is massively totally TOXIC! to the point that my computer/creating addiction overloaded the home, the routines and budget. I realized my Keeping up with Jonesy that I had to make and Model Healthy boundaries and lifestyle for my kiddos- cause falling apart wasn’t an option! Computer Crashes are so DEVINEly sent! So automatic Social Media Detox! I had always been in with HayHouse and listening to many of thier webinars and dvds i poured positive content in …like Mike Dooley saying maybe you’ve been tending to really great things making a home, caring for parents are all REALLY good things THey ROCK and now you can show up for the Universe to hit a home run you’ve just got to get o ut there and keep on pitching….(TOTALLY PARAPHRASING) or my Breakthrough Wellness Coach Stephanie saying to stop comparing my chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20. Cheryl Richardson saying to make a Grateful Journal…and Have Golden Moments you can see in the back when one gets a down emotion.
      So I am okay with Not Pursuing their ROAD as I LOVE AND ADORE my JOURNEY! I enjoy my Vacation Pictures not having to see ALL of ALL of theirs! Blinders intact! and EMBRACING my Uniqueness and Sameness all at once.

      Warmly
      Stacy and the Rest of the Harris6family!
      Somewhere over the Rainbow is Right Here right NOW!!

    • Marta

      I need to start my Abundance journal!!! I keep remind myself how fortunate I am but writing them down is even better for those days that I might not feel that good! Thanks

    • Glynece LaShaune

      This was really good, this helped with what I need to focus on & how. This truly was helpful. Love it.

    • Where do we draw the line between goal setting and comparison?

      Could comparison be a form of measuring our progress towards our goals? Maybe our bigger issue is pessimism versus optimism. Or the subtle difference between admitting, tolerating and accepting that we missed a goal.

      I find myself fluctuating between justifying why I am changing a goal I missed and criticising myself for setting a goal I could not achieve. Can I be trusted to set goals that are difficult enough to push me to grow, and practical enough that I can achieve success?

    • Marie, huge fan of work! This question is something I struggled with over the years. At 46 years, I have learned it is nothing but a distraction to berate ones self while comparing to others. I’m glad you created this video, a great reminder to stay on task!

    • Hope

      Kimberly,

      I too keep a gratitude journal and it has made an incredible difference for me. Though I sometimes still struggle with the “compareschlager” game, the journal helps me “be in the now” and appreciate more of where I am in my process. I am not where I used to be, and I still have a little ways to go, but I am grateful for where I am now.

    • I really like this Abundance journal. I may add to my synchronicity journal which has a similar intention. Thank you for sharing this!

    • emily

      I think the Abundance journal is fantastic!

      My detours have often involved travelling, and I also regularly look back on all my photos from those trips and “celebrate” all the awesome things I’ve done.

      And when I find myself caught up in *needing* to do something, and by a deadline, I go back to the 5 Whys – asking why to each answer until I get to the bottom of why I want a new bathroom or why it must be done by next week.

    • Eileen

      Thank u for sharing, needed this right now.

    • FS

      What usually takes me out of the anxiety of ‘feeling behind’ is ACTION! That feeling can be a great stimulus to making dreams reality. I personally try to shift from envy of other people’s paths to curiosity about other people’s paths and how they got there. What I am trying to say is that I make the move and ask questions to those people – ask about their life story, how much effort it took and if they have tips to share ( usually people like to pass on knowledge it’s a win/win as they feel special teaching about it and I learn something new 🙂 and then I use all the information to make a plan/ roadmap and everyday I do something that helps get closer to the objectives!!

      Decide, commit, succeed! You can’t be behind if you are building momentum on a day by day basis 🙂 and obviously patience is key!
      Patience does not mean sit and wait in this case but rather trust the process or the fact that what you do today will yield something good in the near future.

    • I totally agree with you Kimberly in regard to social media and have limited my own use on FB. I found myself wasting way too much of my own precious time absorbed in other people’s lives, leaving me at times feeling frustrated and questioning myself in regard to my own career and where I think I should be at this point in my life, inspite of friends and family telling me how proud they are of what I have acheived. Silly really!!! I LOVE your use of an Abundance Journal and plan on doing the same!

    • ameena

      An Abundance Journal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what an amazing idea, definitely going to start that! thank you xxxx

  2. This was perfect timing for me (which kind of confirms the whole trust the timing of your life thing)!

    It’s funny how you often teach what you need to learn yourself. My passion is with empowering children in school and in their emotional lives. One of the key underlying principles of the play therapy that I do is to “accept the child as is”.

    It’s funny how I find it easy to accept and respect the children I see. On my desk is the saying “childhood is a journey not a race”.

    Yet when it comes to my inner voice. Nope! It’s all, “you haven’t done enough.” “You should be doing something.” “You need to catch up, you’re behind.” etc etc!

    I think when things get a little full on and I fall out of meditation practice it’s easy for me to spin out of the moment.

    I’m gonna ease off myself a bit more now. I want to soak up the magic that’s unfolding . I’ve been in that place before and life is a fun adventure.

    Thanks for the reminder Marie & sending this lovely community wishes for self acceptance (especially of that inner child because he/she never goes away!)

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      It always amazes me that we extend such compassion and understanding to others, but not to ourselves. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Rachel! xo

    • Thanks for your comment Rachel – especially that last line. Timing is everything and watching this episode (always so so good Marie!) and reading your comment was perfect timing for what I needed today. xo Francesca

      • I’m so glad it resonated with you ? Hugs X

  3. Hi Marie and all…

    I struggled with this FOREVER!! I felt like everyone was whizzing past me in their careers and life. What helped me was to stop investing time and energy in watching them and START investing that time in building MY craft, pursuing MY dreams, etc. I had to “get in the game”….the game of MY life and when I did, everything changed. I was so consumed in making strides toward my dreams that when I saw other people succeeding in their lives, it became a source of encouragement rather than envy.

    I agree with Marie… you have to trust that you’re right where you need to be. If you’re doing all you can to pursue your calling, then there’s a Biblical principle that talks about being content with whatever state you’re in. SO, if you know that you’re doing the work, trust your process. I always say, your process authenticates you….its your password to the life you’re pursuing.

    So get in the race and get content with YOUR pace.

    • I love that” “So get in the race and get content with YOUR pace.” I’m writing that down! Thanks.

  4. Christine

    I felt this way for years about getting pregnant and having children. In college I remember telling myself I should have my first child at 28!
    First marriage came and went. No children.
    Second marriage came and went. No children.
    Now I’m 40 and in love for the last three years with a man… who has a vasectomy! Knowing that I will never have children has been a huge relief for me. I’m finally at ease having lifted this expectation off of myself and I’m all the happier for it. It’s our own expectations that lead us to mental anguish – do the right things, let your path unfold before you, and enjoy the ride!

    • “It’s our own expectations that lead us to mental anguish.” You said it PERFECTLY. I wholeheartedly agree Christine.

    • Derek A Issacs

      That’s a great little story, Christine. And it makes me happy that you are now happy and content. 🙂

    • Wow, thank you for sharing that Christine!

      Wondering if we want to/will ever have children is something that I want to stop worrying about and just let unfold if/when the time is right. Thanks for the vulnerability and strength in sharing with us.

    • Thanks so much for sharing this!
      I know most people experience this feeling, but it has been hitting me hard lately. I am turning thirty very soon and have been struggling.
      I thought I would be married with children by now and I’m single with no children. I have moved abroad and have had that experience, but I feel like I do not have the life I desire or that my heart yearns for. Even though I am very happy for all my friends that are married and having children, I have begun to find it very painful to watch at times. My friends who do not have kids at least seem to have great careers, which I am also struggling with.
      I had some health setbacks in my early twenties, and though I’m thankful for my health now and that I have come through, I feel a bit angry about it sometimes, the social and financial strain it was. Other times I am thankful for all those experiences because they have made me understand others more. Wish I could say I am thankful all the time, but human I guess.
      Sometimes it feels like the current state of things will never change for the better.
      When I look back, it seems like I spent so much time struggling that I was not present and I didn’t take the chances that I wish I had. I regret that. But, I am working on patience with myself and the timing of everything, but it can be so hard.
      The ebb and flows of life. Best Wishes Dears!

      • Susan

        Lori, thanks for sharing. You are so not alone. At 46, single and with kids or a relationship and struggling to grow my own business, I can relate. Life does not always look like you expected. I’m working on trusting that for whatever reasons I don’t understand, this is the right place for me right now.

        • You present a great point Susan, we do not always understand. But, we don’t have to. Just need to stay present with our lives. Best of luck with your business!

      • Lindsay

        Thank you for sharing this story, Christine. My husband and I were trying to have a baby when he abruptly left me. It felt like all my dreams that were once so close within my grasp were ripped from me. The only thing that has gotten me through the last month is deactivating Facebook and trying to remind myself that I may not understand this right now, but I have to accept that this is not my life’s path. It’s so difficult when you want something so badly and you can’t understand why you don’t have it when so many other people do. It is encouraging that you are now happy and I wish you all the best.

      • Jenny V.

        Karina,

        I think many women feel this way. I felt that way throughout my 20’s and married someone whom I thought was the right person at the time. We have been married for nearly a decade and I find myself wondering why I ever married him at all (maybe I shouldn’t be saying this because we’re still together but I’m being honest). A few years ago, out of fear mostly I’d say and the desire to have a child, we seemed to be in a better place and I now have a sweet baby girl whom I adore. That said, I realize that I could end up a single mom in the near future and know that won’t be an easy road. I recognize that choosing to get engaged and married quickly although not my style, is what I did and now I’m suffering the consequences of being married to someone whom he and I just want different things. I will never regret this time because I have my daughter and have learned a lot about myself as well as what I don’t want in a relationship. It is hard though sometimes when I see friends who have the perfect little family and they’re in love or friends who were brave enough to wait it out for the right person, taking their time and essentially ending up with the most amazing mate for them, even though that came in their 30’s (which I used to think was too old for me). There is no right time, the best thing anyone can do, is life an authentic life and put more focus on doing what’s right for them instead of meeting a timeline or deadline. Some women wish for the husband and kids while married moms often feel a bit jealous of all the free time that single women have. I think everyone always suffers from the grass is greener syndrome. I do know that when I’ve taken a break from social media, I’ve always felt better. It used to be facebook for me but now I’m finding it’s instagram-too many amazing photos of women a decade younger than me living incredible lives, making bank, etc., doing what I do. That’s enough to make you want to quit. Just this week I’ve had to evaluate it’s relevance in my life. This is a long comment but I hope it helps in some way for you to gain perspective. XX

  5. Thank you for saying this Marie! It’s so important that each of us remembers to follow our path. First of all how boring would the world be if we all did the exact same thing as everyone else. We are born to be creative and explorative. Discovering new ways is what our brains are designed to do. I feel really restricted when I wake up and think of all the things I gotta do to meet others expectations and the opposite is true when I wake and feel anything that I want is possible today. When I know anything is possible my energy levels go through the roof and my creative life force leads to where I truly want to go.

    • I love your response, Patricia. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and be our true authentic selves. We can’t all be Marie Forleo. This episode reminds me of this story; “A 17-year-old boy was standing in line to apply for college. He turned around and discovered that standing right behind him in line was a white-haired old man.
      The boy said, “Excuse me, are you… I mean, I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?”
      “Why, I’m applying for college,” said the old man, smiling.
      “Would you mind if I ask you how old you are?” said the boy.
      “I’m seventy-four.”
      “But… don’t you realize that you’ll be seventy-eight by the time you graduate?”
      “Son,” said the old man, “I’ll be seventy-eight anyway.”~ Barbara Sher, Wishcraft.

  6. Comparison-itis is rampant. It takes daily focus and re-commitment to comparing yourself only to yourself. Everyone’s journey is different, and we can’t possibly know what’s going on behind their scenes. I’ve been a marketing coach for years and watched other marketing-type coaches come and go during that time. I watched one particular coach rise quickly, and I felt like I should be further along. Comparison-itis was really bad for me then! But then I found out that she put a second mortgage on her house in order to make that “quantum leap” – and ended up in a divorce, deep in debt, and going back to her day job.

    You just don’t know what “shortcuts” other people are taking. Stay on YOUR path. It’s the fastest way to own YOUR dreams (instead of someone else’s).

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I love that, Lisa. It’s so true that what we don’t always see the full picture of someone else’s experience. In that way, comparisons aren’t even valid! SO glad to hear you’ve been kicking comparison-itis to the curb more and more!

    • It’s amazing how easy it is to forget there is a bigger picture. Thank you for the vivid reminder!

  7. As I was hopping in the shower last night, these exact same, “shitastic” (love it) thoughts started rolling through my mind. I was even rambling out loud — which tells me I was uber frustrated. I had a good vent and ultimately steered the conversation in a bit more loving of a direction. I think of all the articles or stories I read about what it really took for someone to reach the next level in their business. Sometimes those stories sound like…

    “I had failure after failure after failure/lost loads of money/messed up BIG/almost gave up — and then it happened!”

    or…

    “I worked my ass off 24/7/365/met my business partner/didn’t take no for an answer — and then it happened!”

    It happens differently for everyone, so when it all boils down… you HAVE to trust the timing of your life. …and do more.

    Thank you Marie! Your videos come at just the right time, every time. 🙂

  8. This episode rings so true for me. I have a constant feeling that I’m playing
    “catch-up” with the rest of the peeps in my field. Every time they launch something fabulous it’s like a kick in the stomach which is crazy because their journey isn’t my journey. What works for me is remembering that there is no competition. I am the only one who can every create what I’m going to create so what other’s do shouldn’t matter. I should wish them well and get back to focusing on my own program launch. Any progress is great progress. Thanks Marie!~

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Stacey, and I love what you said: “Their journey isn’t my journey.” Wise words!

    • Nathalia

      “I am the only one who can every create what I’m going to create so what other’s do shouldn’t matter”.

      Thank you so much for this. What a inspiring thought.
      I’m glad that I read this!

  9. Yes! This! Thank you Marie. So needed to hear this again today. I take a lot of detours, and I love them all. But I still blamed myself this last year for being not as far as I hoped I would be by now. But those detours, wow, I wouldn’t want to travel through life without them. I’m an explorer, and it seems my life and work are full of these little and big stops along the way. 🙂 Thank you for reminding me that I’m exactly where I should be. XO

  10. Wow. This is the third reminder I’ve gotten in the past 24 hours to just relax, trust that I’m in the right place, and let go. Whew! Divine timing, Marie & team Forleo ~ thank you!! xx

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Love it, Katherine! Sometimes the Universe doesn’t just knock, it barges in and tells us what we need to do 😉

  11. Brandi Diggs

    I love you Marie. This episode came at a perfect time. I’m constantly feeling like I should be further along and compare myself to others all the time. However, when I take into account all my detours I realize it was all worth it. Marriage, kids and building a home. I will remember your tweetable when those feelings arise again. You’re the best. Thanks again

  12. Another thing I’ve found helpful is to actually talk to the people I often compare myself to instead of just looking at their life on social media. Often times when I hear about what they are going through I realize we are all on a journey and it makes me feel better about the journey I’m on.

    I’ve gotten stuck in the I’m-the-only-one-going-through-this-right-now cyclical thought pattern and it can be completely isolating. When I connect with people I love and who love me, I often feel most connected to my true self, which boosts my happiness.

    Getting out and doing what makes me happy also has the added benefit of me not caring so much about comparing myself to others. Sometimes you gotta just do you, you know what I mean?

    Love the tweetable / mantra this week, thanks Marie!

  13. Perfect timing again Marie. This is especially true for smart, mature women who are experiencing the totally new environment of online marketing.

    We are comparing ourselves to 20 and 30 somethings when we are more valuable to others when we embrace our wisdom years.

    Of course it happens in the reverse way too. I’m too young, I don’t know enough. I’m too old, my best years are behind me.

    How have I made peace? I did exactly what you suggested. I removed myself from the noise online and I found my purpose. You really can’t do that clearly when you are following others. You need space to hear your own Inner Voice.

    Now I’m on a mission to get women to get in touch with what they REALLY want to create while their here.

    • Hunter Mitchell

      Thank you Jenna for this response! As well as Marie for the original post. Great timing for this discussion. I’m in my early 20s and struggle with the feeling that I NEED to be this certain way RIGHT now because so many others are at the point or beyond. I really like the way you phrased getting space from following others by saying “you need space to hear your own Inner Voice.” I’m definitely a social media addict and just reading everyone’s responses on how you show remove yourself from it is making me realize that that could be the best decision I make for myself.

  14. Kelly

    Can I just say, Marie’s Jodie Foster impression is en pointe!! lol

    Loved the episode. This (“I should be farther ahead”) has been a huge thing for me, as I had a lot of really hard-driving, brilliant friends at the elite college I attended, who have since graduated from law school, med school, etc., while I’ve been recovering from alcoholism and starting a family. Now that I’m ready to really focus on my work again, I feel super behind! But I do remind myself that the life experiences I’ve gotten and the things I have learned are truly invaluable, and when I really focus on what I know is important, I know I have an amazing life with a lot of love and perspective, and I really can’t lose. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love it, Kelly! You have such a great attitude and perspective. 🙂 And all the wisdom you gained from your experiences will help you on your journey.

  15. Love the mantras about TRUST. For the past most difficult decade of my life, I have worn a bracelet with the word TRUST on it, in lieu of a watch. This means I glance at the word whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh! It must be time to trust. : )

    My biggest struggle with comparisonitis has been in the area of intimate relationship, as a single parent living in a community full of married or retired people. I suddenly recognized the gems inside these years of my life that have taught me resilience and strengths I never knew I had. This year I kicked the comparison habit of thought and am moving forward in my own life with gusto, focusing on “How do I live so that I reach my final day of life without regrets?” I finally let go of the mountain of “worry” that I am not equal to those around me by age 50 and am making small and big choices to lead me where I want to be.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Lovely, Erin. The “Trust” bracelet idea is so beautiful!

  16. Great episode! I agree with all that you shared, and I would add one more thing… No matter our age, we all think we are so “old”, and yet when we look back at NOW ten years from now, we realize, “I wasn’t THAT old…”

    One of my mantra’s is “Peak at Seventy”… (or choose your own age) but when you view your life as a road that peaks at seventy (and thereafter, life on the beach cause, girl, you earned it), you no longer feel the pressure to achieve everything TODAY. In doing so, you also don’t give up on your dreams because “you’re too old”, and you have a better chance of realizing those dreams. And finally, you’re enjoying the “working” road so much more that you don’t work 40 years of your life for the sole purpose of retirement. You won’t want to retire until your seventy, or later! I know I will work until… da-da-da-dum…. “the end”.

    When you view your life as peaking at seventy, you have plenty of time to write that book, find the perfect job, start your business, fly a plane, find your soulmate, do whatever you want to do… and you begin to enjoy the road a lot more (because, after all, that’s what life is), so even if you don’t achieve that dream (which you will, cause you’re here with Marie), you had a good time trying to get there.

    I felt the same way in my 20’s, but now in my 30’s, with two kids and about to launch my second business, I may be achieving milestones a little “slower”, but, honey, I am having SO much more fun doing it! Good luck to ya’ll! Cheers! (I work in wine 😉 )

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Wow, what a great concept, Jessica! It always drives me bananas that so many people I know (including myself here too!) are always talking about how “old” they are. Especially when I look back at my 25-year-old self and have to laugh that I ever thought of that as “old.”

      “Peak at seventy” (or eighty or whatever) is such a wonderful reminder to make friends with time and just dig in to our work. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂

  17. Hi Marie,
    You are always the bright light of the day when I read your newsletters.
    I have often thought that I should be further along, but everyone has a different journey. I was President of my business and then was a victim of 2008 and had to close the business. At age 50 I had to reinvent my self and start over.
    I have tried different things and now at 56 I found that working for myself as a Sales Agent is great but working on commission is hard and it takes time to build your business even if you have all the contacts for the industry. I have the constant thought that time is running out and I need to push myself and create different opportunities to make money . I was always the breadwinner when I had the family business and we have struggled ever since. I am married and have 2 sons age 15 and 21 who live at home and go to school!

    Now I am thinking that perhaps opening a store and sell the products that I import would help create another form of revenue. I have always wanted to have my own retail store.

    Would love to hear from you!!

    Sonya Meyer

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Sonya, we’re so glad you tuned in to this week’s episode, and it means so much to hear that our newsletters serve as a light for you.

      It’s wonderful that you’re exploring starting your own retail business! Feel free to check out any of our past episodes for some great tips and support as you’re looking into the entrepreneurial world, and know that we’re all cheering you on over here!

  18. I loved this! Watching this caused me to pause and reflect how far I’ve come. A year ago, I would have been slamming the Compareshloger. Even tho’ my business is still in the infancy stage, I know I’m exactly where I should be.

    I love Tuesdays, too Marie. I end a call w/ a client, and click over to see what lushy deliciousness you have served up for the day.
    Thank YOU!

  19. I struggle with this because I let my age sometimes get the best of me. I am slowly learning that my career change is slowly happening for a reason. I am understanding in 2013 it wasn’t the right time ,in 2009-10 it was not the best time to not work without a plan. Now I know this process will all come together because I have learned from my mistakes and know I do not want to make them all over again. I am succeeding on my terms.Thanks for the video!

  20. Sabita Saleem

    This is totally spot on for me Marie 🙂

    I didn’t realize that looking at others who are ahead in their entrepreneurial journey can fix me into a comparison hangover. I thought it will drive me more to take action. But yeah you’re so right! Ouch. I will do a social media detox for sure.

    One thing is for sure, I always say that to others who consider I’m not ahead like I should be in my life that there’s a time for everything. I admit I keep wrestling with this thought. Then again, no other choice to be grateful for the choices I made.I learnt through whatever I did and improved my personal and professional life in comparison to where I was a few years ago.

    Thanks once again!

  21. I struggle with this idea often and SO appreciate the reminder that if I don’t tackle it now, I will always deal with feeling behind!

    I most often get this feeling at times when I take my business in a new direction.

    Most recently, I restructured my business to include additional online personal trainers and last minute bookings. It’s an exciting time and I have some truly amazing men and women on my team (a big improvement from my days a wellness center director!). BUT I feel like I’m behind because I want all my trainers to have several clients each week (well, really I want them to be booked out!).

    What helps me overcome this is to look back and see what I HAVE done and how far I’ve come and to trust that I’ll be looking back in a few months having accomplished my goals.

    Oddly enough, one of the most recent ways this happened was thanks to social media!

    A few days ago a time hop popped up on my Facebook feed from 2 yrs ago. It was an announcement that “you can now train with me online” – I often forget how long I’ve been doing this and how much it’s grown (to the point of creating a team!) in just 2 yrs.

    So maybe don’t give up on social 100 % 😉

    Love the tip from others about journaling as this has helped me too, I just need to be more consistent!

    Thanks, Marie!

    • It has been my experience, in my 40-something years, that the “detours” have often been the intended path. I had a plan of what my journey and destination should be but realized this was the better way. If we spend that time wallowing in self-doubt and worry, we may not see our real purpose for being where we are at that moment…Thanks, Marie!

  22. Mos Def have to cut all viewing of social media and mags out! Crazee toxic.

    Thanks 4 the reminder Marie F.

    I started slippin’ myself this morning.

    I actually felt nauseous and immediately got off FB!!!!

  23. Thanks. Great reminder that this craziness pops up at any age. I’m a witness! Amen! I remind myself that everybody’s path is not the same. The ways I’ve chosen to grow into the fullest expression of me/my purpose don’t always match others’ process. Everybody’s path is a good one. At the deepest level, we choose the one that will lead to the highest good.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I really love your quote: “The ways I’ve chosen to grow into the fullest expression of me/my purpose don’t always match others’ process.” That’s the truth!

  24. You must have been reading my mind. I have been battling with this subject a lot lately. I was so excited that I immediately launched the video and then when I heard the girl who thinks she is behind is 25 years old! I burst into tears. REALLY? omg I am 49 and if she is behind then wholly yikes dear lord what must I be? TOTALLY in the dust??! OK, so I took a deep breath and listened to what you had to say. I know it is a state of mind not a physical age. I love the mantra you gave. I am adding it to my morning meditation and realizing that not torturing oneself sometimes takes self discipline. Thanks for the good thoughts! They are very appreciated.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Riima, I so hear you and you’re absolutely not at all left in the dust! It makes me crazy sometimes too when my younger friends complain about being old, but I actually think that when they use the world “old,” they’re actually using a substitute word for a more difficult emotion like feeling behind or afraid they’ll never get what they want. Unfortunately as Marie shared, that’s not something that’s specific to any age, but we can meet it and overcome it at any point.

      Definitely scroll up these comments and look for Jessica Bell’s comment about “Peaking at Seventy” — she has some amazing thoughts that you might like to read.

      It’s never too late, and know that you’re at the perfect place for you right now! Sending lots of Team Forleo love 🙂

      • Riima: I felt exactly the same! 25?! Old? Excuse me? You’re not alone.

        Caroline: I never thought of it that way, that “old” is just a substitute word for feeling behind. Thanks for that!

    • Hey there,
      I totally agree with your comment Caroline. I actually think the whole “old in your twenties phenomenon” is mixture of pressure, innocence, and the process of adjusting expectations in the face of real life adventures.

      I have to say, I LOVE having aged out of my twenties. They were fun (dating, traveling freedom, etc.) but also really stressful! I don’t know about you, but I was up against all sorts of problems that I had know idea how to handle, I didn’t have any contacts or career experience, and I lacked the faith that I could accomplish the things I wanted in life, and I was pretty much alone in all this 90% of the time. Each decade has its own benefits and liabilities.

      I think its important (especially for women) to think of every decade as something to look forward to. I really want to live my life enjoying every stage of it!

  25. Anna

    What has helped me keep peace with my path, knowing that I should be further ahead…is hearing repeatedly from others I am shy, but there is no time to be shy! Seeing, that the people giving me the advice are driven to say this because they see that I am passionate to perform music. For me, it is inspiring that they are inspired simply when I say “I want to perform.”

    What has really helped, is realizing that part of my career is to change my fundamental personality; not to be shy, not to hide. Realizing also, that no one can stand in my way when my goals in performing are to bring love and healing.

  26. Hi Marie!
    This couldn’t have been in my inbox at a more perfect timing!
    l will definitely be using the “blinders”. Thank you so much!

  27. Man, oh man, does this accurately describe how I’m feeling right now. For the first time in my life I’ve finally built up the confidence to really tap into my dreams and pursue them with gusto. I’m 28 years old now, but feel like I’m so far behind other women in my circle who found confidence so much easier, and a lot earlier, than me. I’m equally qualified to many other gals I know, but because I’m much more soft spoken and introverted I definitely feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities. But one thing I’m learning to do is flip those perceived weaknesses on their head and try to see the positive side to it. Lacking confidence for so long actually developed in me a lot of empathy and compassion for people. I truly believe that once I find the right career and right ‘tribe’ to use those in they’ll be a attribute, rather than something to be ashamed of. Thanks Marie, you’ve inspired me so much!

    • Anna

      Hi Nadia, glad to hear from you, I feel the same way. I wish for you feel support and the clarity to know and be at ease in your path.

  28. Arista

    I loved this episode! I’m guilty of drinking whole bottles of compareschlager, but in the last few months, I’ve been slowly stopping doing that, and that’s for the same reason that Marie mentioned in the video: I’ve realized that the timing of my life is perfect as it is.

    I got to the conclusion that we only give to the world what we have inside of us. All those years we spend “not ready” for some reason, it’s because we don’t have inside of us what it takes to make things happen. The moment we get the right drive, the “I’ve had enough” feeling, we start taking action.

    I look back at what I’ve been through and the kind of person that I was for years, and I can only think that it wasn’t the right time and I didn’t have the skills and the drive to start acting.

    Still, it’s hard for me to be ok with that, because I’m just starting out on my business, and the uphill struggle hurts. I wish I had done things sooner, so that now things could be ok and so that a lot of pain could have been avoided.

    I hope that as things progress, I’ll finally make peace with my past and myself, and focus only on the present and the future.

    Thanks a lot for the episode! As always, it was an immense help. 🙂

    Lots of success to everyone here!

  29. Kathy

    Detoxing starting today!

  30. Thanks Marie. I am currently spending a year out of school (detour) to realise my dreams, learn new skills and actually practive them. I felt bad thinking at all my friends that will be graduating next year, but after watching your TV show, I now feel glad that I did actually take the detour.
    Thanks a great deal once again.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Geofrey! A lot of really successful people take a year off, and a lot of people who don’t really wish they had!

  31. Chase

    I struggled with this in my 20s, not professionally but with regard to marriage, babies, etc… I ended up in a bad relationship from age 20 to 27 and when I finally got out of it, all my friends were married and settled down and I was single and clueless.

    I was having a hard time feeling like I missed out on my 20s and was so behind on “finding a husband.” A friend of mine who is older and wiser helped me through this time and shared with me the Rascal Flatts song “God bless the broken road”. I’m not even a country music fan but it really struck me. Now, 8 years later I’m married to a wonderful man (who was also single at 27 after a bad breakup) and we have a darling son. And… Some of my friends who got married in their mid 20s are now divorced. God bless that broken road! It’s so true. The timing of your life is utterly perfect.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Wow! I’m so glad you trusted your path and that everything worked out perfectly. We’re super happy for you. 🙂

  32. Kari

    This is something that I constantly struggle with, as I was made to quit my entrepreneurial endeavors after 2 years of success because it was “interfering with my housewife duties”.

    Needless to say after a divorce and a cross-country move with my boys, and almost 7 years of struggle, I am STILL not where I want to be with the new career I have created for myself. It is very difficult to see successes all around me while I work so hard to put food on the table for my family.

    I have learned to celebrate the successes of my peers and use that energy to dig myself out of those little ruts I put myself in and carry on. After all, I am determined to show all naysayers that I have what it takes and I WILL come out on top!

  33. Susana

    Live Your Dream! Trust the timing in your life and always, always – good or bad, find the lesson. Thank you all for sharing. I inactivated my Facebook account two months ago. Best move in a long time. It was taking up too much of my time and getting in the way of seeing all the abundance in life. Love the idea of an Abundance Journal!

  34. I see everyone as a different fruit in the big grocery basket of life. How can I compare your appleness to my pearness or someone else’s grapeness? Even within the same fruit family comparing a Gala to a Red Delicious they are both wonderful and exhibit the qualities they were engineered to. We can compare and contrast all we want to, at the end of the day there are so many variety’s because we are made to be different and on different journey’s. Whether one gets picked up to be in a restaurant dish or someone’s packed lunch it can be random (who’s to say which is really more glamorous), in the end we are all eaten up and appreciated for our wonderful unique favors.

  35. You’re so right Marie – this uncertainty can hit at any age!

    The one thing that’s worked for me to create my own path early on was to slowly start letting go of the things that were creating anxiety, fear or any kind of ugh… when I started letting go of watching the news, attending parties or events that I didn’t enjoy, gossipy conversations, etc., that outer world that I wasn’t enjoying – my inner world opened up – just like that!

  36. Hi Marie! Thank you for confirming that it’s ok to be at peace with where you are. In my case, I’ve always been made to feel that my personal satisfaction with my pace was a slacker mentality. The old adage “Show me a satisfied man and I’ll show you an underachiever” never quite resonated with me. During my days as a marketing sales rep for another company where I worked on straight commissions, I did not work bell to bell as did my colleagues, yet I consistently lead the team in sales volume. You would think this made my bosses happy, but no. Their philosophy was “if you could sell this much coming in late, leaving early and taking so much time off for your mini long weekend family getaways, JUST IMAGINE how much you would do if you worked more hours!” I got heat because despite having the highest customer retention, new business aquisition and referral rates, profit margins, most successful campaign ideas, and lowest dissatisfaction rates, they just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to conform to their recommended schedule where I could clearly double my sales income. What they failed to see was that getting a full nights sleep, spending quality time nurturing my family and my relationships on a regular basis, being home early to prepare a fresh and healthy dinner for my loved ones was the secret of my success to begin with! For the sake of wearing the popular “overworked” “highly stressed” “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” button like a badge of honor, too many of us miss out on the wonderful joys of living that are all around us, and are made to feel guilty or like slackers if we are not consumed with achieving more at the expense of our health and sanity. I appreciate that I am in good company trusting that my life is unfolding at the perfect pace for me. It’s hard not to notice that most people who subscribe to the mandatory busyness pholosophy are routinely suffering from one or more physical or emotional symptoms. That said, I do value and instill in my kids the importance of forward movement and the dangers of becoming stagnant. Personal growth, self improvement, a thirst for learning and exploring new things that interest you is equally vital to our overall health and longevity. I love your work Marie!

    • Hi Crystal! It’s definitely ok to feel grateful and at peace with where you are now, but I’ll never suggest satisfaction 😉 It’s the desire for MORE that drives us forward, and the gratitude for everything we already have that makes it possible <3

    • Anna

      This is so true and a deeply needed perspective in our world. Thanks for sharing!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      You totally nailed it, Crystal! Nurturing ourselves and NOT overworking are really so important for doing great work in the world — but unfortunately it’s not well understood in our society (yet … I have hope).

      Moving forward and being uncomfortable by pushing out of our comfort zones can absolutely happen without exhausting ourselves, as you’ve shared here. High five!

  37. I was tossing and turning last night for around 2 hours about the frustrations I am having in regards to manufacturing delays and all the choices I have made over the past year and a half since I came up with the idea for my product. Nothing is worse then when you are trying to go to sleep and you are beating yourself up about why you are not further ahead then where you think you should be if only you had made different choices. This video is so on point. The choices/mistakes aka detours are all apart of the learning process. Thanks for the reminder Marie!

  38. DEFINITELY felt that way before. I’m a left-brain-dominant person, so I wrote down my ideal job, salary, etc. on the far right side of a whiteboard, and where I really was at the time on the far left. Then I systematically worked backwards and found the course I knew I had to take all along, and that was to simply LEAP. Terrifying, nauseating anxiety about that part… But I did it, and I DID IT. Now I’m leaping off to my next chapter, helping women launch an online business and actually attract customers 😉 Wish me luck!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Remy! Good luck — we’re cheering you on 🙂

    • Thanks a lot Marie for this material! Always had to go through this “comparison” mental process, and feeling most of the time like a looser, whatever i try, and as a musician, always felt like non-inspired and the worst dude/less-talented in rehearsals.

      Some stuff that stops the noise in my mind is when i watch documentaries about my favourite artists, the simplicity that emanates from them and how much they inspire me to keep a very healthy/selfish/pure process in the creation.

      Keep posting inspiring videos ! Peace

  39. This message couldn’t have come at a more perfect time! I recently started following you Marie after attending Brendon Burchard’s Experts Academy. For the last couple of years I felt conflicted about continuing to operate a business I created from the ground up or moving on to a new venture. After I sold my business I began beating myself up for waiting so long to move on realizing I could have been so much farther along on this new path.

    I’ve been watching others who are doing what I want to do on social media and within one of my business organizations and feeling like they are moving at warp speed!! Over the last week I decided to stop spending so much time focusing on where they are and what they are doing and to start focusing on me and what I have to offer. Taking it one day at a time to create my own following and empire!

    The internet and social media have made the comparison game a huge problem. It’s just so much easier than it used to be to see what others are up to in the world and it makes us feel we are missing something. Before social media, I often felt I was ahead of the game, now I feel I’m constantly trying to keep up. I suggest using social media to get ideas and strategies but to keep a healthy mind about it. You have your own unique contributions to share with the world and it doesn’t matter that others are further along. Once your message gets out, you’ll find your tribe and your own success!

  40. Thank you, Marie, that was awesome advice!
    When I find myself feeling like I’m not doing enough or that I’m not where I “need” to be, it’s usually because I’m trying to CONTROL my life…and that’s not possible, thankfully! Our minds can’t even fathom the greatness that’s in store for us. So I stop and return to the essence of who I am and LIFE itself. I let go of results and outcomes, fill up with gratitude for where I am and how life has shaped me thus far, and get excited imagining what’s to come…opening myself up to the surprises of life. Anything is possible!

    • Jennifer

      Quincey- I love what you’ve said here. It taps into the whole idea of who we are BEING from moment to moment. Are we human beings or human doings? I think that scares people because they imagine that they wouldn’t be doing something valuable if they don’t control all aspects of their life, but I believe life is always working with us, and giving us exactly what we need (the whole detour idea!). Maybe life has something greater in mind for us than we could ever have imagined. But we have to be able to become still enough to hear what that is and then we can move with life and offer what OUR true gifts are, not someone else’s version. Thanks for your inspiring thoughts!

  41. Me. :)

    My biggest solution to this has to been to realize that I am truly not on anyone else’s timeline.

    For so much of my early life I was *ALWAYS* ahead of my peer group — top of the class; skipped to higher grades; placed in advanced classes; top of all peer groups I joined; etc.

    And then there were a few years where I felt I was actually being surpassed in a few ways, and it bothered me.

    And now, I yet again appear to be ‘ahead’ — but the only difference now is that at this point, I actually know better than to believe any of that. There truly is no race. Everyone is just busy living their own life.

    Someone else in my peer group who’s widely respected by many as one of the most amazing, seemingly-got-it-all-together people they know just finished suddenly and unexpectedly passing away after a trip to hike a serious mountain. What good is it to be ‘perfect’ by anyone else’s standards but your own if life can change at any moment?

    Just, the more I experience life, the more I realize how truly irrelevant anyone else’s opinions are. So many whose opinions you care about are so often *not* the ones there when you may need them or are having some of your toughest times in life, so why bother?

    All that matters is what we’ve all heard so many times, but it’s true: focus on yourself, on your own happiness and joy, and on cherishing those around you who inspire you and value you, too. everything else is TRULY irrelevant. Live your life for YOU — and incredible results virtually always follow.

    <3

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so, so sorry to hear of your friend’s passing. We’re sending lots of love your way.

      I’m glad you’re living your life for you, according to your own rules and timeline and not those set by others. That’s such a beautiful, freeing thing. We’re cheering you on!

  42. Marie,

    You knocked it out of the park with your advice……AGAIN! Those are exactly the 2 things that helped me get through some of my lowest points in life as well. I even deleted Facebook for 2 YEARS because I finally realized the pain of comparison was greater then the need for faux social connection. I knew that my real friends would still keep in touch with me even if I was off of Facebook. It was a life changer! I became more positive, my spirituality became deeper, and developed STRONGER relationships in the process. Great tips, Marie. Love you and your message!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Jessica! So many people are afraid to leave social media even though it can be poison to their happiness at times. I hope your story will inspire anyone knows it’s best, but is afraid to take the leap to go for it.

  43. Liva

    Marie and the Team- THANK YOU! I am receiving this message at a time when there is lot of pressure on finishing a book I’m writing. Had planned to write all day long today. But there was an opportunity to meet some people who could give an insight into other things I am interested in and that very likely have to do with my future. So even though on a small scale but it was a detour and the timing is not minute to minute as I planned today. SO encouraging to hear this message! THE TIMING of it is so perfect. Bless you, dear woman! 🙂

  44. Mary

    Wow…the timing couldn’t have been more spot on! I have spent the last 2 1/2 years traveling back and forth to my mom’s after her cancer diagnosis. She just died Sept 18th. Now I am involved with closing up the house, settling the estate and grieving. I feel like I have lost my life in the last 2 1/2 years. I really have no regrets, but i feel so “behind.” I feel like I have missed so much. I think I will watch this over and over in the next few weeks to remind myself that I am really right where I need to be. Thanks Marie!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Mary, I’m so sorry for your loss and please accept our sincerest condolences. I know it can be tough to feel behind now, and hope that this episode serves as a point of inspiration as you explore your next steps.

      It’s wonderful that you were able to be a source of support and comfort for your mom — I can’t think of a more worthy detour. Sending lots of Team Forleo love xoxo

  45. Marty

    Marie, I’ve been listening to you since you were on our IIN Module. What an inspiration you are for women to find their power.
    I work at Hippocrates Health Institute. I have been in the beauty industry all my life,over 40 years. I manage the Salon and Laser Center here after completing my Health Educator Program. I love helping people find their power.
    Each week I look forward to listening to what you have to share on Tuesday. I want to create a group of women that can support, inspire and enlighten each other. I thought I heard you mention something like this at some point. I’d love to know if you have any suggestions around how to do this. Thank you so much for your genuine, loving and beautiful way you present yourself to the world. love and gratitude, Marty

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Marty! We’re so glad to hear that you’ve been following us since your IIN Module — that’s awesome!

      I think the episode you’re looking for talks about building a “power posse,” and you can check that one out here: http://marieforleo.com/2011/04/fear-advantage-cool-brain-trick/

      If that’s not the episode you were thinking of, we can absolutely do a little further digging. Just let us know at info AT marieforleo DOT com and we’ll be happy to send some more resources!

  46. Great episode! I cannot tell you how much I have struggled with ‘valuing’ the moment. Once I became consciously aware that I being self destructive with this comparison crap, and started reciting the mantra “I am enough right now. I trust that I am in the right place at the moment..” it changed my mindset completely. Just saying those few words every time I feel that I am comparing myself, or stressing myself out because I think I should be somewhere else..has improved my confidence and changed my business for the better 🙂 Just say those words every time you feel you should be somewhere else…

  47. We are unique individuals. There is no one exactly like us. Comparison is a self-sabotager and only we can be who we are because we’re who we are.

    Everyone has a life purpose. It is why we’re here on Earth.

    It takes more than trust in timing. It takes trust in our own unique destiny.
    Now that may not be easy to accept, but it is reality. You are here for a reason. Don’t ever question that. This is why you are here! 🙂 You are amazing!

    What I do for my clients is I show them how their very own unique pathway is destined for where there are going. Detours are tool creators. You will still get from point A to point Z – this is the part that is called destiny.

    Everyone has a destined place. TIME is actually your friend. When something DOESN’T HAPPEN – it’s for reason so you can experience something BETTER. If something DOES HAPPEN, then you get to take that with you as well.

    TIMING is all about experiencing the right things. When we think we should be at XYZ place – we’re setting ourselves up for destroying our faith. The truth is everything will happen when it is destined to happen – because it is DESTINED.

    You were born for greatness. TRUST IN THAT or you wouldn’t be HERE.
    Thus you will get ‘there’ to your destined place.

    🙂

    Blessings to all.
    Namaste.

  48. The last time I had once of these episodes, I made a realization. There was always a part of me who was waiting for God to send me some specific ‘insights’. When I made the conscious choice to go ahead and create what I wanted, I could no longer feel like a victim. We are creators of our life and at the very least, co-creators.

    By knowing I have the power to create, I then just needed to get clear on what I wanted – how I wanted to feel – how I wanted to live my life. Then I affirm those desire every day and take action steps towards them.

    For me, the getting clear had always been a challenge before as I was basing my identity on what I do in life instead of who I am in life. When I changed that perception, the ‘what I do in life’ became less important…

  49. Wendy

    Marie,
    Thank you so much for the timely message. I am older and have spent many years comparing until I finally reached a point where I don’t care what others think or do, I’m doing it my way

  50. This is ultimate irony…when I finally got real and started doing the thing I most love (making jewelry as a vocation), which took me until I was 40 by the way, then and only then was I able to put down the CompareSchlager for good! Funny how honoring your gift and what your meant to do in life creates the opposite of CompareSchlager…JoyTonic!

    • Angela Smith

      Love that you were able to quiet that noise by listening to your heart instead. Beautiful!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      YES!!!

  51. Martha

    Love love love the idea of CompareSchlager.

  52. Cath

    I’ve definitely felt I should be ahead by now. This is especially true when I have an advanced degree from an Ivy League school and took a detour route that wasn’t as financially rewarding. I still have these thoughts sometimes when I’m on Facebook and seeing my FB friends buying houses, having nice vacations, or giving talks. What helped me heal is something as simple as a gratitude practice and making sure I focus on the present and to truly feel that I have what I need and that everything else is extra or that I want certain things because others have them. Also appreciating the things in my path that I have – like freedom and flexibility – that my more “successful” friends don’t have when they’re overworked and stressed makes me even more thankful for my non-conventional life choices.

  53. Angela Smith

    I LOVE this episode…. Ok, I love them all, true, but this one is particularly good and juicy. For a long time I’ve felt like I was so far behind, being left in the dust really…. I’ve been a holistic chiropractor for 13 yrs — and it wasn’t ever really “me” — and I struggled. And then I started to make changes in how I practice– and now it’s totally inside out — instead of adjusting bodies I’m adjusting mindsets — helping women end wt loss woes and body struggles once and for all by NOT focusing on diet and exercise. Looking back, this took pretty much all of those 13 yrs of my practice to finally find it. There was such internal angst about being so far behind, compared to other coaches, other docs, ,other people in general. In a moment of comparative frustration, I heard this phrase in my head that a teacher used to say to the class in school before tests — “Eyes on your own paper.” And that just stuck…. and continues to help me… and now I use it with my own clients when they get on the comparison train. It totally helps to disrupt the mind chatter. Thank you, Team Marie for the awesome reminder and advice. ~Angela

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      What an incredible journey you’ve been on! I know it’s awful when you’re in transition and feeling behind, but isn’t it just the best feeling when you find what you’re meant to do? We’re super excited for you. <3

  54. Love this. As someone working in the music industry as a songwriter, it can be soooo easy to look at everyone around you and think, “Wait, didnt they just move to town last year? And they already have a publishing deal?!”

    Thing is, the music industry is full of SO many different paths. There’s pretty much a different path per person. What works for someone may or may not work for someone else. There’s much less of a formula for success in the music industry these days.

    We’re all carving out our own stories in the collective experience of music-making.

    Thank you for this post – I so needed to be reminded of all this!! <3

  55. SO Right On!

  56. Another good reminder is that the ‘grass is NOT always greener on the other side.’ What you may envy might not be their underlying reality. Most of what is presented to the world is the top layer, not the deeper, inner workings. You may not know what the behind-the-scenes life is like. Many people mention practicing gratitude – so easy and true. I’m nearly 65 and know that yes, I could have done more. I won’t play the regret game. I still have time and energy to do some of the things on the wish list. I’ve done some ‘good stuff’ and am proud of that.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You’re so right, Virginia. Often what we’re seeing of other people’s work is the finished product and if we knew what all went into creating it, we’d see that that’s not the path we should be on. Yes, everything requires work, but not everything requires the kind of work that doesn’t feel like work. 🙂

  57. I’ve struggled with this a lot lately, so the timing of this was perfect!

    As a designer, it’s so easy to compare my work or my client list to others who seem so far ahead of me. When I get stuck on the comparison loop, I have to turn off social media and just concentrate on my work.

    I love what I do and hearing people who like it as well, so reminding myself of all the times I have done well and been successful is key!

  58. Holy moly, have I done this in the past. Sometimes it still creeps in when I am feeling vulnerable.

    I have found that this is my fear in overdrive. When I become aware that I am in this state (that takes practice too, becoming aware) then I can take steps to change my behavior and perspective. The other piece of the puzzle for me has been the wise words of Julia Cameron: Anger is a map to my boundaries and jealousy is a map to what I want to do.

    If I wallow in things I am jealous of/anger at/ fearful to try, then I will not get to where my spirit is guiding me. If I listen to my authentic self, then I get where I am suppose to be and I write a gratitude list. Gratitude lists help me become grateful for where I am and not wishing to be “where I am supposed to be”. The I: Delete ALL SHOULDS!!!! <3

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I love this, Gaetana. I’m a big fan of Julia Cameron too — her work is so great for overcoming that feeling of “being behind.”

      Ban the shoulds! 🙂

  59. YES!
    I definitely experience this. I was sick for many years and completely taken out of the game while I focused all my energy on health. I took me from age 19-28 to become fully healthy. Those are pretty important years, or so they say. 😉 Before getting sick I was a top student, the lead of plays, the head editor of the yearbook staff, and getting accepted to lot’s of different universities. I’m near the end of 29 now and it’s been about a year and a half that I’ve been healthy enough to even think about success in the world. I have recently been going to a lot of professional theatre auditions and it hurts and I mean REALLLY hurts to see how far behind I am behind the other girls in dance. YET, I am really naturally talented so I make up for it. I know that this is all divine and the best possible outcome is coming from it. In fact I know that just as I manifested my amazing miracle of health, I WILL manifest my success and prosperity. It’s a BEAUTIFUL process. I LOVE life! In fact I AM flourishing and LAVISHING in my wealth and PROSPERITY. Soooo many miracles have happened Marie, in EVERY part of my life. Prosperity and success are just one of the next ones coming very soon and I am so HAPPY and EXCITED for this HUGE blessing. It will be better than I could possibly imagine and make me happier than I could possibly conceive. I’M SO HAPPY FOR THIS HUGE BLESSING!!
    Life really is a gift, in it’s simplicity. It’s about being ~~enjoyed~~ ***It’s a miracle.*** It’s only the human mind that makes it any different or distracts from the life’s glory and perfection. And I declare now that my human mind is aligned with the perfection of life, love, success, prosperity, wealth abundance, glory and FUN!

    • oooooo, I just noticed a lot of grammar edits I want to make. lol.

  60. Nice episode, Marie. This is where I am in my life and career right now. To do my social media fast, I’m planning on scheduling out my social media communications in advance and then answering any responses after the fast/purge. I really do need this as I am anxious for a few really cool things to happen in my life.

  61. Hali

    YES! Comparing is so toxic. I quite facebook and instagram cold turkey. It was the best thing i’ve ever done for myself! I feel so much lighter and happier times a million! 😀

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Hali! I know a lot of people are afraid to quit social media, so I’m glad you took the leap and that it’s made a difference. 🙂

  62. Rachael Jacob

    Hi Marie. I’m 23yrs old and am felling very overwhelmed. I recently graduated from college and have a small associates degree that I may add another degree in top of later. I work two jobs right now, live on my own, and am an entrepreneur. I am feeling so stressed and pressured to already have my life together and be wealthy. My family puts a tremendous amount of pressure and comparison on me to be making more money with a better job. I look around and see all of friends being successful right out of college but I am left here having a mid life crisis at 23. I want to be more successful, have more wealth and get to do the things that I love like fashion, entertainment, and travel but I am stuck and my business is too.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Rachael, thank you so much for watching this week, and I hope that the tips Marie shared are helpful for you. I know so many people go through similar challenges in their early to mid-20’s, so know that you’re SO not alone. I’ve even heard that there are books out there dedicated to the “quarter life crisis,” so it’s absolutely something other people experience and the good news is that it can be overcome.

      The tip Marie mentioned in this episode about avoiding comparison might be a really great place for you to start. We all have our own paths in life, and that path might not look like someone else’s, so comparison can so often result in that comparison hangover.

      For a few more thoughts on this, here are a couple other MarieTV episodes that share strategies about avoiding comparison:

      http://marieforleo.com/2012/01/how-to-deal-with-competition/
      http://marieforleo.com/2011/06/jealous-people-industry-watch/

      I hope that helps, and feel free to explore some of our other episodes as well!

  63. Karine

    Hey Marie! I love this one! It particularly speaks to me. I needed to hear this right now.

    A suggestion: Please, add subtitles to your videos to help people whom first language is not English. For example, I speak french. Listening while reading will ensure that I am not missing a single world.

    Thank you a bunch for the fabulous work you are doing. Be sure that you are impacting lives all around the world.

    Xoxo

    A fan from Côte d’Ivoire (West Africa).

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Karine! We actually do have a transcript in place for all of our MarieTV episodes so you can watch the videos with closed captioning on. Just click on the little “CC” icon in the lower right corner of the video and those will appear!

      • Karine

        Done! Thank you Caroline for your prompt assistance!

  64. Panto thenic

    Oh no! She’s dissing the Goldschlager! No Way!

    Funny stuff. Dealing with the Compare Schlager is a pain. I went cold turkey on anything that caused a comparison. Great Episode, Marie. Caio.

  65. I so needed to see this today! I’ve been working hard on launching my business and it seems like nothing is going right. I’m leaving my apartment at the end of the month to move in with family members for financial reasons. This is not where I wanted to be in my forties!! Yikes! Talk about a detour.

    I’m reminding myself to count my blessings. I’m healthy, I have wonderful friends and family and a college education. I’m going to use the time I would have spent wallowing and comparing to focus on how to make things better.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      You have such a great attitude and perspective. I hope this time with your family is restorative and allows you the headspace to focus on your business and following your dreams. Your dreams are important and we believe in you!

  66. Oh man, comparison and feeling like I’m always behind and never living up to my potential is the shittiest of the shitty thought loops for me. And you’re so right. It SLOWS me down. When an author friend shares their new release, I’m the first one to click on the link and check their rank–just to see how much better they are doing than I am. Ugh. Why do I do this to myself?? Facebook groups of authors who constantly brag about income and success are also the devil for me. I’ve tried cutting a lot of these activities and behaviors from my life, but sometimes when I’m feeling down, I indulge in this kind of self-hate practice that destroys my confidence.

    I’ve been working on this a lot this past year, and I’m getting better. Reading Todd Henry’s Louder Than Words after your interview with him has helped more than anything. I started a daily private journal to remind myself of what it is I’m hoping to accomplish. What are my goals and gifts? Following someone else’s path is never going to get me to those goals or help me to truly find my voice. Thanks for the video and for talking honestly about something that is one of the most difficult parts of this business for me.

  67. This was perfect timing for me. I found myself drowning my woes in comparschlager yesterday when I found out that a bunch of people I know are also doTERRA wellness advocates found a bigger platform to spread their classes in a mutual friend and acupuncturist of ours where I was struggling to come up with ideas and places for classes myself. Add that to no massage work for two weeks when all my co-renters are getting tons of clientelle and my cup got HUUUGGGEE.

    I did pull myself out of the social media time suck by deleting a bunch of the ones I used for “Recreation” (aka procrastination) and got my website nearly completed yesterday. I’m still a bit down though, as I need funds for a small trip I need to make next week. Anyway…I’m glad this episode came into my feed, I really needed it. Thanks Marie!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad to hear this episode arrived at just the right time, Bonnie! Sending best wishes for your trip next week 🙂 xo

  68. Marie…
    I so loved this episode!!! And, at 63, almost 64, I have had tons of the “I should be further ahead by now” thoughts.
    I have slowed down my pace to become an ordained minister in a spiritualist church, I have sacrificed a 401-K and retirement program to become a self-employed writer, and so, at this time of my life, while many of my peers are retiring to cruise the seven seas…I am knee-deep in work and learning to provide for myself. My answer…we are all growing…in whatever area is best at the time. I had left behind obtaining my Masters in material growth, momentarily, and taken a PHD course in “soul growth.” And now, I am working on two degrees…wealthy and wise!
    🙂
    It’s about being kind enough to myself to say…”Wait, girl, you ARE moving forward, just maybe in a different realm of human existence.”
    How blessed I am to have your Marie TV episodes to bring these centering thoughts back into clear vision for me.
    Blessings,
    Nancy

    • Debbie

      Hi Nancy,
      I really appreciate your comment, especially when you say that you are moving forward “just maybe in a different realm of human existence”. I too struggle with doing things differently than the rest of those around me and comparing myself to them completely saps my energy and makes me feel weak. It’s awesome to know that you’re embracing this aspect of yourself, knowing that you’re your life has given you these experiences for a reason.
      So I feel confident I’m having my own experiences for a reason, and although it’s not clear to me yet, I know that they have led me here to learn and prepare me for what’s next. Thanks for helping me see that 🙂

  69. Nancy

    I really loved today’s message because it reiterates what we already know to be true in our hearts. I usually stay away from social media and even limit my time watching T.V and magazines. The truth is only WE know where we are going and what we need to do to get there.
    I sold my expensive home, drove simple cars and limited shopping and was able to become debt free! People generally didn’t even notice and the few that did were quite proud of me. I was no longer worried about appearing to be anything, I was just me and it was more then enough because it was the authentic me.
    If I started living the way I thought other people expected me to live, then I would probably still be in debt and stressing about keeping us with the Joneses.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Nancy! I’m so glad you’re living for yourself and no longer have the stress of others’ expectations weighing you down. It sounds like you made the perfect decision and we’re proud of you. <3

  70. I’ve just recently celebrated my 30th birthday and this triggered some heavy comparisonitis for me, especially since I’m meeting young people kicking ass at the things I want to be better at both online and IRL.

    I’m not only comparing myself to other freelance designers (which is what I do for a living), I’m also comparing myself to other fine artists and illustrators, and also to branding mentors as of late. I realized I’m trying to be awesome at too many things at once, and I’m getting a quadruple dose of comparison because I’m looking at so many things.

    What helps me calm down a bit:

    – Realizing that I’ve been doing so much in my 20s and have a wealth of experience others can only wish for, and for this reason I didn’t put in as much energy into the thing I’m comparing myself on.

    – Social media retreat – getting away from all the noise and focus on my inner world for a week.

    – Doing something creative and productive early in the day, before I even get a chance to see what others have been doing on Instagram and consequently feeling less motivated to do my work.

    – Gratitude for all the small wins. Reading the love notes from clients and fans who care deeply about my work and don’t think I’m not enough.

    – “I am enough.”
    This mantra is the most powerful reality check for me, and useful in so many different situations.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Ohhh yes, compareschlager can be extra strong for those of us who are multi-passionate. It’s so easy sometimes to wish that we were focused on just one thing to achieve mastery “faster,” but it’s so true that the breadth and depth of having many experiences is completely amazing and can serve us so well.

      Thank you so much for sharing, Nela!

  71. Needed this today! Thank you!

  72. “I should be further ahead” syndrome.
    Oh yes I struggled with this one once a upon time in a land called my twenties. Then I developed the “Are you paying my bills?” syndrome. This new syndrome replaced the old useless one. This new way of thinking served as a reminder to me that my name appeared on my bills and therefore I was in charge and comparing myself to anyone was a waste of my time.

    I also found that whenever I found myself hoping I had someone else life and I listened carefully I found out what they had to give up to get what they had. I relieve their was no need to compare, I too could get what they had doing what they did. Basically no one is special they just took (or given) the steps to get there.

  73. Loved loved this episode and advise the same to my Creative Catalyst clients. I call it “Artist’s Envy,” and it’s a time-wasting, soul-killing, creativity-crashing affliction, for sure. It’s a large part of my workshops and coaching sessions, in fact, this shitastic schlager.

    The way I’ve healed my artist envy?
    -I flip it into gratitude. If I envy someone else’s work, it’s because I ADMIRE it, which is easy enough to be grateful for; a good example or model to inspire me.
    -if I know the person, I make them my BFF, lauding my admiration and trying to learn from them.
    -best of all, I flip the whole thing UPSIDE-DOWN by recommending OTHER artists to galleries! In the art world, this is crazypants! No one does this! It’s practically unheard of in the cryptic world of art peddling.

    It feels so good to do it too; the galleries appreciate learning about new artists (after they get over their shock face), I position myself as an “insider,” and it just feels damn good to do something for someone else! It’s like matchmaking. The other artist always appreciates the plug, and sometimes karma comes into play with a reciprocal recommendation. Either way, it’s an action borne of the philosophy that “all boats rise together,” which is a great way of remembering that we are all here to support each other!

    That thought alone keeps my envy far far away. No time for that. Just work, reverence, and gratitude for all the beauty that comes into my life to inspire me and fill me with awe. That’s an overflowing plate! If only I had TiME to indulge in the work of all my heroes: Thank you, Michaelangelo. Thank you, Georgia O’Keefe. Thank you, James Taylor! So many amazing people to be grateful for. I drink ’em up like elixirs.

    And you, Marie, are the Captain of the Rising Boat! You always espouse this kind of mutual support, especially among women. I’ve learned a lot from your “extreme kindness” module, and employ it every day in my business. If we can only learn to be this extremely kind to OURSELVES, life will be so much sweeter!

    Love and kisses on your generous head,
    Carrie Seid – Creative Catalyst

    • Wow, Carrie, I LOVE THIS!

      Recently I attended a conference for others like me who do artistic meeting facilitation (aka graphic facilitation) and before I got there I was SO excited to meet people I admire, share some of my skills and talents, and learn!

      Then I got there and got SO nervous, jealous, compareschlager-shot-filled…I felt like I didn’t do my best work and didn’t make the most of my time there because I was stressed and overwhelmed by the talents of all the other artists there.

      Fortunately in my field people tend to be super generous and recommend each other, though it is getting more competitive. I want to follow your lead (and Marie’s) and keep embodying abundance, kindness and generosity. Let it FLOW!

      Cheers, Karina

    • What a beautiful post, Carrie! Very inspiring…

      Some of my work is in the world of academia, research, and publishing… a long time ago, my mother passed on to me a teaching from one of her mentors, to never be dismayed if “someone else gets there first” with regard to publishing a book on “our topic”… as the more people that are joining the conversation, the richer the dialogue can be.

      I am reminded of that, by the creative way you describe of flipping “artist’s envy” into gratitude… keep shining!!!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Brilliant, Carrie! SO good — I got goosebumps. 🙂

  74. Dear Marie, thank you so much for the timely reminder. This is something I struggled a lot with in my twenties… and then realized how unhappy I was making myself with comparisons. As you say though, it’s an ongoing, lifelong practice… and it’s helpful to have reminders along the way!

    Something I’ve heard that has been helpful, is the expression “don’t compare your inside, with someone else’s outside”. Also, “don’t compare your beginning, with someone else’s middle.” Of course, it’s best to not compare at all! Yet whenever we do, it helps to remember that there is so much that we are not seeing… usually all of the many years of hard work that it took someone to become an “overnight success”!

    thank you again for all that you do!!!

  75. T Diaz

    Sounds like this young lady totally measures up to Ralph Waldo Emerson’s definition of success: “To win … the affection of children … this is to have succeeded.” When I’m feeling particularly down on myself b/c I’m not where I should be according to my superego’s definition of standards of success, I remember what an amazing and rockin’ mom I am 🙂

  76. Nicole

    Love this video! Social media definitely makes compare-schlager even worse & I often find myself getting down on myself about where I am in my career, or life, when comparing myself to friends I follow online.

    While I definitely have room to improve on this, when I find myself being really hard on myself, I start to think about all the amazing things I get to do in my life that maybe those people don’t. Or I think about reasons why I am at this point in my life – and it’s often because it was something I was striving to achieve a few years ago and I did! (For example: moving abroad. While it has slowed down the progress in my career, I am now happily settled in a new country & loving the experience)

    Looking back at how far you come, and seeing the goals you have slowly (if not as quickly as you wanted!) accomplished is a great way to get rid of your compare-shlager hangover.

    Plus, I always like to remember that social media is often a very carefully curated display of how someone wants their life to look to the outside world. No one truly understands what hardships or struggles everyone has gone through to get to the life they currently have. So just be thankful for where you are, be optimistic about where you are going to be, and be grateful each and every day for the life you currently have.

  77. Stephanie

    Hi Marie!

    How are your videos always so timely? I really needed to hear this message. I have been in a HUGE funk lately…which is so unlike me! I have literally not been able to pull myself out for months. I know so much of this is because of the comparison game. I think I use the word “should” more than any other word in the English language!
    I have spent hours pouring over the social media profiles of those I am comparing myself to, trying to convince myself it’s “research”…and on some level it is. It makes sense to follow in the footsteps who have gone before you so as to not reinvent the wheel. It is smart to use the resources available to you. But we need to, and I need to, get real about when we are allowing the “research” of those who have gone before us to make us feel less-than.
    It will be SO hard, but I am going to put blinders on! Thanks Marie!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is a really good point, Stephanie! Sometimes we try to justify doing things we know aren’t great for us, and even research can get into tricky territory. We’re sending lots of love your way in hopes you’ll be out of your funk soon. Funkiness is no good!

  78. Danielle

    I’m pretty sure (for many of us) this is a mid 20’s crisis. I can remember complaining to my mom when I was 25, “I haven’t done anything with my life! I’m so old!” and she said, “you can mess up for the next 10 years and still be okay!” and now, at almost 45 years old I still look forward to many things I want to do going forward. I’m so inspired by people in their 80’s and even 90’s living life to it’s fullest. Makes me feel young no matter how old I get. My husband’s father passed away at age 35, leaving behind 4 little kids. As long as we are here, the path is the right one. I still get frustrated at times, but the more present I get with my life as it is, the more grateful I am and the more I’m able to trust my path.

  79. Kimberley Mulla

    Hi Marie and Team!
    What a perfectly timed Q&A! I have felt this before and when I reflect on the timing of this feeling, it always happens when I’m on the verge of a major shift, change, or positive outcome. This feeling seems to happen right before I land a big business deal or have a positive life change. I start to feel doubt about where I am, I check in with myself and revisit my vision for my company and my life, and then, like magic, I achieve something I’ve been working towards. But it isn’t magic, I know that! I think that there are times when our minds are preparing us for something and so I have learned to lean in to what I’m feeling and thinking and find a way to make it useful.
    Thank you for always bringing so much energy and inspiration to my day when I open your emails!
    Kimberley

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is such a good point, Kimberley! They “the night is always darkest just before the dawn,” and it makes sense.

  80. Joe

    Actually, my issue feels similar but it’s a little different. I’m somewhat older than most of you here, and although I made it close to the top at several points, I didn’t maintain and wasn’t able to hold onto it. So my problem is, I’m EXACTLY where I DIDN’T want to be at this stage of my life. And the BIG challenge is how to get it back and keep it this time around. My advice to the younger folks on this forum; take FULL advantage of your youth….it goes very quickly. Don’t procrastinate and think you have all the time in the world because you’re young. Use your strengths NOW, they don’t last forever. As for me, I will take solace in my favorite quote from George Eliot–“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” Good Luck to all!

  81. Hi Marie 🙂

    Thank you so much for this episode.
    This is exactly what I´ve been thinking about yesterday and today.
    In fact, I wrote an article on believing in one’s own inner timing which I posted on Facebook and had a huge response which I didn’t expect.
    This is evidently something that we all think about.

    I am reducing my amount on time on social media.
    Took the decisión this morning, and then you confirmed my decision.

    I am so grateful to you.

    Love from Buenos Aires,

    Valeria

  82. Totally feeling like I should be further along right now. For a loooooong time I have felt this way. I almost feel like time is ticking and it produces SO much anxiety!!!!!!!! I got this idea stuck in my head that by a certain age of my kids I have to be making more money and having my own business so I can provide my kids with the type of life I want to. Perfectionism….ugh. Marie, it helped me so much when you said, “Trust that you made the best choices you could have possibly made at the time and that every experience taught you something you need to know right now!” (I felt myself loosen up just a bit – this will be my mantra).

  83. Thank you for this! I have been beating myself up even when I am celebrating accomplishments! We need to go easier on ourselves, stop comparing our choices to others and realize that our lives and timelines are all unique & different. Just because two people the same age started a business in the same industry doesn’t mean they should be pitted against each other or compared! In fact, they should team up!

    I am inspired to start a local group for young business owners near me. There are tons of new companies cropping up in my industry (food & events) and instead of being down on myself, I am going to support & celebrate my peers!

  84. This is such a fantastic video, Marie. Thank you so much for covering this topic.

    I too find that this is so much about trusting ourselves, really tuning in to what we ourselves want and what feels right for us to do and what doesn’t, and then bravely acting on those insights. Like everyone else, I find myself in comparison mode from time to time, but I notice it’s usually when I’ve become more attached to outward results instead of letting them go, and have temporarily forsaken my own trust in my own life’s timing.

    It’s not that I don’t care about the results, but I’ve learned that the only thing I really have control over is what I actually put into the world. As much as I would like to some days, I can’t control the results, and even if I could, it wouldn’t be nearly as genuine as letting what is meant to happen just simply happen.

    So I’ve come to a point now where, besides continuing to hold my bigger vision for my work, focusing on my own path, and finding gratitude for others and the amazing things I see them doing in this world, I really aim to do my work simply for myself and for my own attempts to give back from the most truthful parts of myself, no matter what the outcome. And I really try to take pride in the simplicity of “just” doing that. 🙂 You’re so right–it is truly a daily practice! But it’s so possible, and it’s so worth it when you know you’ve already reached your sole goals of bravely speaking your voice and putting it out there.

    I figure that when someday I get to the end of my life, if I have a chance to reflect, I’ll know that I’ve bravely put myself out there, no matter what the results. And I can live with that. 🙂 I find so much truth in what Iyanla Vanzant has said about comparison, that “comparison is an act of violence against the self,” and so I aim overall to stay within my own vision and to really be kind and loving to myself. I’ve found it’s so much more of a peaceful way to live.

  85. Kristina

    This almost had me in tears because I am going through this and have been going through it for quite a while now. I feel stuck, like a failure and as if I’m never really going to progress. Thanks for this video, you are truly a blessing Marie.

    • Hi Kristina,

      I totally get where you are coming from. I found myself there too many times until I finally realized that I just kept repeating the same cycle of comparison. There has to be a change, even if it’s just a tiny step, in order for that cycle/path to take a different direction.

      Know that you are NOT a failure. We are all just on different courses in life. The most important thing to keep in mind is that we need to take one step in a new direction every day. That alone is progress from the day before. …and let us stop reading social media to see what others are doing. We know what we want and need to do, so why get ourselves down as we look for ‘inspiration’ outside ourselves. Let’s just do our own thing and share it w/ the world!

      =)

  86. Bree

    Marie! you are the best and I love you 🙂 thank you for your kind and supportive words.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      So sweet, Bree! We think you’re the best too 🙂 xo

  87. I used to suffer from this in my early 20’s and at some point I DID simply begin to “trust” as Marie says. I kept my eyes and heart open and kept telling myself, “everything is as it should be” (even if sometimes I felt like I was a broken record). Eventually things did fall into place is so many areas!

    And as these things fell into place, I couldn’t help but think “that’s right girl, you just had to wait for the right place and time to have this amazing shit happen!”

  88. This has been a huge lesson learned through-out the past year! Thanks for helping me put it into perspective.

    I’ve always been a late-adaptor to many things… you could say a late bloomer in many aspects, yet quite ‘older’ in mindset. So you can imagine how unhappy it made me when I gauged my life to others in my same age-group.

    Going through cycles of depression due to this constant comparison for years, I finally just decided to STOP it! Like you mention, we just have to realize that we are who WE are and are on our path precisely where/when we need to be.

    Reducing my reading of blogs and time on Social Media did help me stay better focused on my path, but for me it was much deeper. I had to look inside and figure out why the ‘jealousy’ and yearning for things/lifestyles others had. It wasn’t until I was content w/ what I had and realized that things will happen when they need to happen if they are meant to happen that I let myself be happy.

  89. Loved the video. I recently unsubscribed from a lot of people’s newsletters because I felt I was comparing myself to them and trying to do what they were doing. I started journaling again and I also found that it’s been helping me get centered and clear again. Thank you, Marie!

    Brenda

  90. Deanne

    I put my goals on a 4’x8′ white board ($16. at home depot) on my wall. It includes do this month, week and today lists that will move me forward. At the end of each week I journal the progress I made. The more clear I am and can SEE my path, the happier I am with my own life. Having it in my face keeps me on task. I can immediately spot and eliminate distractions (FB…). Guests who happen to see it have fun reactions. But, Its for me, not them. I may not NEED to do this anymore. It helped me make so many major life changes that I don’t want to discard it too soon!
    I also loved Marie’s book! Enjoy life today.

  91. Thank you for sharing this wisdom!!!

    I have spent many hours of my life comparing myself to others – AND, even to other stages of my own life and career. Which sounds a little kooky, but I would sometimes sit and wonder things like, “If I had only ___, maybe I’d have been happier/further along/clearer/more successful ….” Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.

    At a certain point, when I was simply tired of the negative track playing in my head, I realized that all I was doing was wasting time, I quickly forgave myself because I was learning the lesson that it was not serving me to focus in that direction, and that was useful. I began to LOVE where I came from and trust that it was allowing me to bloom into whoever I wanted and needed to be in “the right time.” This has been a journey of a lot of years, but I can honestly say that fatiguing my mindset that way has changed everything for the better for me! I began sprinkling in the realization that people who I admire can inspire, rather than intimidate me, and that, too, has made a BIG difference.

    Gratefully, I am currently on the cusp of more clarity and happiness and creating exactly what I want professionally. It looks different than I thought it would years ago, and that’s because I’ve had time to learn and grow in unexpected and unplanned ways. In fact, I was just thinking yesterday that I wanted to write you a letter, Marie, thanking you for NOT giving me a scholarship to BSchool in 2013, because there is NO way I was ready for it then! I would have felt SO much pressure to make something that I wasn’t ready to make, just because you gifted me the opportunity. Instead, I paid myself, and have slowly gone through the materials, gained MUCH inspiration from this community, gotten clearer and clearer about my own message, offerings and exactly what I want to do. I am 42 years old and on the best path ever!! Anyone drinking that compareschlagger, needs to put down the bottle, sip some herbal tea and green juice, clean out the ick from their minds and trust!!!

    All is perfect. All is coming in the right time.

    Thank you SO much. I’m sure glad I found you, Marie!!! XO

    • Hahahaha!!! …. I typed all that on my phone!! And Siri wanted me to say “fatiguing my mindset,” when what I wanted to say was “focusing my mindset!!” Oops!!!

  92. Ruby

    Thank you so much Marie, for continuing to offer such high quality free help over and over. This one hit home for me. I just got aha about it a few days ago. . I am strong introvert. and my energy flows more like the moon. Sometimes my outgoing energy is high, like a full moon. I can be fully outgoing. Other times I have crescent sliver of moonlight available for outer activities, because most of my energy is focusing on inner creation. I love the crescent moon beauty. My stress has come from trying to force myself to be like the sun, always shining, when my energy really needed to go within. Many of the greatest artist, minds etc. are more moon biorhythmic. American culture is obsessed with Sun way of life. but where would we be without the night stars and moonlight?

  93. Love this video, and thanks or the double twittable 🙂

  94. This is so needed. Have tweeted it out 🙂 xx

  95. Sheila Delaney Duje

    I’m giggling with delight. At 44, I can still taste this one. And this episode spoke to me right now, where I am today, 20 years later. I have such love and compassion and achey heart for all of our 20somethings past and present who feel behind. I remember it. I can taste it still. And yup – it still has a seat at my table. What helps me now? I can (usually) look back at my younger self who was all go-get-’em, claim-your-space, world-is-my-oyster, can’t-do-enough, it’s-later-than-I-think, who’s-gonna-if-not-me, and just love on her for her passion and her hunger, and I know she did good! She got exactly what she needed and the detours – love them!! And so today, when I feel that same anxiety – and remember to do it – I imagine my older self joining me on the couch with her box of tissues, patting my hand, telling me it’s all good. My time: it is what it is. And it’s just right. Perspective changes everything. Thanks Marie!!

  96. What an excellent video and so timely. What works for me is exactly your tweetablesremembering that I am exactly where I need to be and that I need to trust the timing of my life.

    When I find myself in a funk the best thing for me to do is to remind myself to keep focused. Sometimes I have to create something to stay focused on but it is critical to stay focused for me to not constantly be comparing myself to someone else or to my self.

    I may not have mastered the skill yet but it is becoming easier to practice. And as it becomes easier to practice it becomes easier to let go of my need to compare myself to others.

    On a side note I have got to know where I can see a close up pic of the wooden bag rack in the background! I have been staring at it for episodes!!! i can see it sitting in my market booth this weekend lovingly displaying yoga mat bags!!!

    • Caroline Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Kelly! I think the bag rack was actually built by someone on our production team, but I did find some very similar options online like this one: http://bit.ly/1GH9Fi1

      It might be something you can build too, so definitely look around. Who knew there were so many cool coat and bag racks out there? 🙂

  97. Amy

    Such a good reminder! You are so right that it is something you have to do over and over again.

  98. Marie,

    I couldn’t beleieve it when I opened my email today and saw title of today’s Q&A Tuesday. This weekend I was asking myself if I’m where I’m supposed to be at the my age. Have a I reached the age of peak performance in my career? I’m 47, married and raising two of my own children (11 and 13) and my niece (17) and I’ve been working part-time from home for the last 13 years. This summer I decided to take the leap and trust in my skills and the universe and I rented office space. You’ve been a huge influence to my self-confidence and the planted the idea of making space in my life in order to grow. Thus, four walls, a new table, a logo, a website and a recent article in the Boston Globe (I’m an animal Chiropractor and the Globe featured me little ole’ me in their interesting jobs section) and I’m in business.

    So, why am I doubting where I’m at, what I’ve accomplished and whether or not I’ve achieved enough? Because of old habitual thoughts that don’t serve me or the community that needs me to be the best version of myself. Needless to say I was overjoyed, and a little surprised and then not surprised because this is you we are talking about, who hit that nail on the head, when I saw the title of your post.

    Thanks so much for the work you are doing. Watching Marie TV and reading your book has literally transformed my work and personal life. Keep going doing what you do best.

    Cheers,
    Julie

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you SO much, Julie — we’re always delighted to know when our episodes arrive at the perfect time! <3

  99. Eliza

    “The Hamburgler of Happiness”??? 🙂 That is hysterical yet memorable & words to live by when comparing my life to others! Thank you so much for these enjoyable TV “shows” – they are so helpful, fun & informative!

  100. Oliver

    Hello Marie

    Even today as I try to mature I do fall victim to bad habits such as thinking , “I should already be further”. Usually as a catharsis, I waste about a day or two numbing my mind with online films or shopping. As I see time slipping away and the New Year approaching at somepoint during this process a little alarm sounds in my head alerting me to this self-destructive behavior. Then this alarm is reinforced by my conscience calling to mind how my behavior hurts me and others who invested personal time and energy in my progress.

  101. Bob

    I have little time but took a detour as it were today and listened to your “compareschlager” message. Yes I agree. Doing that myself got me going to a gym some 30 years ago and that has done me good – I still go but now realising different benefits from those I tried to achieve when I was 40. I other areas of life I find that focussing on the job in hand – my business – helps me to be unmoved by the apparent success and failure of others around me. That song by Danny Kay about the a little white duck might be a children’s song but it enshrines a principle ” . . .doing what it oughta ” that can help one to be at peace with one’s place in the world. That said, I would not mind if my business took off and paid back all my loans!

  102. Kelli Hanrahan

    Thanks so much for this! I have struggled with these issues for years, both comparing myself and feeling I’m not where I “should” be at this point in my life. It took me a couple years to take the leap to leave my comfortable (but not challenging job), and go back to school to do a teaching degree (in my 30s). That was over 5 years ago, and let me tell ya, it has been a bumpy ride ever since! I never landed a coveted teaching position, did a lot of substitute teaching (which can be demoralizing at times, not to mention the erratic, unpredicable schedule); but, I was committed to take as many teaching-related jobs as I could to keep building my experience.
    So, along the way I’ve taught ESL, yoga and hula hoop in daycares, after-school programs, and community centres. Some people say my resume is pretty impressive, but I still look at it through the lense of my struggles, and see it as being a bit scattered and desperate at times. It has been HARD to love the detours, I kid you not. But I am really trying to see the value in all the experience I’ve gained along the way. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear Frank Sinatra singing “I did it my way”. And you know what? I’m starting to discover what “my way” looks like, and it’s a lot more winding, circular, and perhaps even spiralling inward to my core and centre truth of who I am. I am not on the straight and narrow path, and that’s okay. Cause at the end of the day I can start to say I did it “my way,” and that’s a lot more satisfying, in the long run. And, hell’s yeah, stay off that social media if you need to, by all means, and put that same time and energy into doing something valuable and meaningful for yourself!!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for sharing, Kelli. That Sinatra line is fantastic, and it’s such a gift to be able to truly say “I did it my way.” 🙂

  103. Oooooh…. I love this. For me personally, it’s not so much about comparison to others – but my own sense of needing to ‘accomplish’ various things. I’m a ‘finisher’ – and so when something feels left ‘incomplete’ – it often feels like a weight on my shoulders. But the thing about this is – NOTHING is ever TRULY ‘finished’! [With the inspiring things – like those we’re putting out into the world – here’s always room for growth. And as far as physical life-things go – let’s face it… right as you’re finishing the laundry – you’re creating more!] My biggest lesson regarding this topic has been recognizing that as eternal beings – our work is never truly finished. We’re always progressing, always expanding, always on that leading edge of creation. So if I can continue to to view it as an ongoing journey – one on which I will indeed welcome, enjoy, and adore those detours and breaks along the way – I can continue to do so without a sense of ‘needing to finish’ something. There is definitely something to be said for divine timing when it comes to where we are at any given moment during & throughout that journey. I believe this perspective can help promote a positive sense of our own expansion when we feel we are behind where we want to be – whether that’s in relationship to ourselves, or to others around us. Our mindset is the first thing we need to adjust with any endeavor that we want to be successful in!

  104. Thank you for these tips! I agree with everything you said.
    I have often felt like I was on a very long detour… What helped me was starting a ‘good things’ journal, where I’d write two or three good things about the day, very trivial and small things (rather than my usual diary rants and waffle)…. little by little my detour turned into a journey!
    As you say, it’s something that needs refreshing everyday!

  105. Aveen

    I enjoyed the vid. “Where I am today is exactly where I need to be. I trust the timing of my life” is so powerful and divinely. Thanks Marie! Hopefully I will get more courage to trust myself and do good things in life for myself and help people.

  106. Chau

    Marie is right on point! Ever since I heard Iyanla Vanzant said “comparison is an act of violence against the self” – the comparison game has stopped for me big time. When I do find myself questioning where I am vs where I think I should be, I remind myself that everything comes at an appointed time and to trust the process. The most important and loving thing I can do for myself is to stay in my own lane at all times!

  107. Denice...you can call me D-Nice

    I just shared this video with my husband. I think its not only relevant to individual goals but also to the goals that we have as a couple! What has helped us has been to focus on what we DO have. Also, I watched a great TED Talk on life balance. We tend to have a one day perception of balance. Ex: In one day, I should be: a great daughter, amazing mother, TOP employee/boss, flawless wife with flawless body/hair/makeup, have a spotless house and look completely composed the entire time…..um that sounds nuts and unrealistic. So, why do we keep trying to do it? It’s not possible. However, it IS possible to have a balanced month =) Visit parents once a month, work out more often but don’t try to do it every day. The list goes on. All of these actions have helped my husband and I. Thanks again Marie for an awesome video.

  108. OMG Lia! YOU ARE ONLY 25! I’m 48 and I feel like I’m totally starting over with my new online courses. DO NOT feel behind! Listen to Marie. Trust the timing of your life or you’ll go crazy being jealous of everyone else. FYI: I have two kids and I feel jealous sometimes of women like you who are so young with no repsonsibilies. So love where you are now!!

  109. Lindsay

    This was the perfect message today! Thank you. I’m in the same boat as some others – it’s not so much comparison to others but comparison to some expectation I set for myself and may not have reached. We can be hardest on ourselves, so this was a great reminder to trust our own decision-making. When you stay present and focus on YOUR path, it all feels right!

  110. Hi marie
    thanks so much for this episode. I have come to this remembrance several times, and it is so easy to compare I agree. When this happens to me I take a deep breath, and remind myself, (my inner critic mostly) that I’ve been at this point before, and I that everything had to happen and has happened perfectly to take me to my current position, so why would it be any different this time.. I get really curious about the detours and it feels a lot more fun. This is a long game !! with love to all Bernie x

  111. Overcoming this constant threat of comparing myself to others, it was when I realized that nobody will love me more than I can love myself. This is where the game changed for me and I stopped relying on the outside love and I also stopped comparing and caring so much about what others do and say. Love is the answer!

  112. Trez

    I love “adore the detours.” Detours can be frustratingly difficult to navigate through when you’re not expecting them, but they often result in reinvigorating respites – in hindsight.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      So right, Trez. So often I’ve had a detour that wasn’t fun — or even was horrible at the time, but years later, I’m SO glad that they happened. Sometimes the journey IS the detours 🙂

  113. Hey. I had a hard time listening and trusting myself without comparing and being influenced from all the “noises” outside. Im still working on it. What helps me a lot is taking a vaction from time to time by myself. Being away from anything I know and just disconnecting from my “story” or my daily life. Its essential to do it alone because then you can really listen to yourself without anyone who knows you, reminding you of your past. That’s a great way to get some inspiration and get in touch with what you really want. Its also helpfull to do it at home but you have to really take time and intention to be with yourself, breath and just be. Of course there will always be people around and when getting back we have to face it. But when there is confidence and a deep knowing about our choices and things we do, it’s easier to face it and even embrace those differences between us and others!

  114. Judy

    Bon Jovi song playing over and over again in my head as listen to his episode. “welcome to whereever you are.” Listen to it if you need a musical manta to accompany your quest to accept where you are.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Ahh I love Bon Jovi!!! 😀

  115. I’ve struggled with this occasionally, I never did get to college I worked instead. I decided to slow my photography business down after having children and then the economy took a dive and I drop sales by over 50%. It’s been difficult to get it back to where it was, but I do not regret the time that I have had to be home with my kids and working on my business will just have to be slower. I’m 43, I definitely feel like I should be further along than I am at times, but I try to take it one day at a time and remember I am exactly where I need to be. I don’t have to know God’s plan, I just have to have faith and hope and keep moving forward.

  116. Amy

    WOW! Did I ever need this? I’m definitely suffering from this, especially as I watch very close friends and even clients of mine catapult to a presence I’m trying like crazy to have. On good days, I can yield to God’s timing in this and know that each step of this journey is mine alone, makes me unique and WILL be used. On not-so-good days, I masterfully berate myself for what I’m not doing yet, where I should be, and questioning what I’ve been doing to block that. This is so helpful and I’m going to a) try to express gratitude daily for MY journey that no one else has and b) try to express happiness and gratitude for others in their success…not only because I truly care and am happy, but also because I think that is what I’m called to do. Daily affirmations of the fact that there is NO limit to the amount of success that can be achieved in this world, that when the time is right things move fast and that I’m growing and living my vision daily. Thank you!

  117. I loved this episode. I think it is so easy to get caught up in comparison. We’re all on our own journey. I loved the advice and affirmation Marie!

  118. Fay

    Holy cow. I bust out in tears today with this. Thanks for this message. I was on track to having the money and career that I thought I wanted, but I wasn’t happy and I left and started something else. Three years later I often have moments when I wonder if I blew up my life and made the wrong choice because I’m not where I thought I would be by now (early thirties). I like the idea of enjoying the detours and trusting that I’m where I need to be right now is huge! That mantra is going into heavy rotation.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad to hear this message arrived at just the right time, Fay. Sending lots of love and know that where you are is absolutely the right place for you right now! <3

  119. Man, I’m so in this place right now and needed to hear this message more than ever! “Where I am is exactly where I need to be. I trust the timing of my life.”

    Thank you, as always, right on time.
    MUAH!

  120. I’m 43 years old and I do find myself doing this comparison thing every now and then….But not like I used to. When I turned 41, I was going through a slump and got really depressed at where I was in my life. What helped? I got a notebook and wrote down all of the things I had actually done in my life. I separated the lists into categories (travel, concerts, education, etc) and I filled that notebook. When I went back and looked at all that I had done in my life, to that point, I was actually quite impressed with myself!! I had done a lot more than I was giving myself credit for. I am the queen of detours and I had forgotten to celebrate that. Making a list of the things I had done and the places that I had seen was empowering!!
    Thank you for all that you do and I appreciate your insight. I hope my tip can help someone else.

  121. Hi Marie

    Right on. It took me awhile to realize that there will always be someone better looking, richer, taller, more ‘successful’, etc than I but there would never be anyone who was a better ME than me.

    It is nice to have that affirmed from time to time even at age 73 by talks like yours today.

    Actively helping others succeed,
    Michael

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      SO true, Michael!

  122. Great show today, Marie! I hope my post is encouraging to Leah, even though the reasons for my detours might not be the same ones. I started a part-time business 12 years ago, and am so much further behind where I thought I’d be today. I’m surrounded by entrepreneurs, and for years, I’ve seen other entrepreneurs surpass me in terms of business success, and so for years I questioned my capabilities. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me, because I’d worked and worked and worked, and in fact, didn’t even take time for fun I was so damned serious about building my business. So many times I questioned whether or not I could continue and one day actually find the success I wanted so badly. Several times — no, make that many times — I was tempted to quit, but because I because my career pulled so much on my heartstrings, I continually sought to move forward whichever way I could. That ended up with my taking many pit stops and detours, and guess what . . .

    About 2 years ago, I finally stopped comparing myself to anyone else, and decided to do some introspection. I realized that at least in my case, I needed a lot more personal development, and at a soul level I needed to take more time for self-care, because I’d burned myself out.

    I am finally at peace with the road I’ve taken so far, and where I am now, because I can see how much I’ve gained, not in terms of money yet, but in terms of wisdom! One huge gain is that I’ve become very self-aware, both of my ego and my higher self — what they both need, and what they have to teach me. For example, I realized that part of me was rebelling because I wasn’t having any fun. Another enormous gain is that because I’ve tamed so much of this ego of mine, I’ve become a much better mother — something that NEVER would have happened if I hadn’t taken the time to do all this self-exploration. I truly believe that it’s in the pursuit our goals that we gain the most — not in reaching the actual goal. Because as we go after our goals, all the unnecessary stuff we carry that needs to be sloughed off will be sloughed off, and our true selves emerge. I believe our lives are really about uncovering who we truly are, and honestly, it’s gonna take the time it takes. As we say in my industry, success is always RIGHT ON TIME. Big hugs to Leah!!! <3

  123. Darla

    Great post – Play your own game – you get to decide what winning looks like. There’s also things in life that society hasn’t created a great way to acknowledge such as helping loved ones through the end stages of their lives or difficult times. It takes strength, grace and compassion. A sense of humor helps as well. While it may seem it takes incredible selflessness, in reality it takes the opposite – recognize yourself for those big beautiful broad shoulders. Sometimes you have to be your own strength which comes from recognizing who you truly are and what’s truly important to you and your life. And enjoy the journey.

  124. I struggled with feeling like I was falling behind in my classes. I was doing really well the first half of the program and then it was like a wam to the head. Know matter how many hours of work I’d put into projects, even getting to school at opening and staying until close, I could never keep up with the work load. I became even more distressed when I realized that everyone else was handing in all (or at least most) of their projects on time. Every single one of my projects were late. After a year of struggling through this cycle and a lot of help from profs to renegotiate deadlines I realized enough was enough. I had leaned what I needed to from the program, I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of it anymore. I decided it was time to switch directions, leave school and start the business I always wanted. It hasn’t been easy going, but it’s been worth it. I don’t feel like I missed out by not finishing.

  125. Göran

    Ok! Instead of rock´n a workshop in hypnotherapy in Mallorca at 25 C degree, I rather paint the barn in Sweden at 10 C degree and shout out loud: I´m f-ng awesame doing this on my own, and it become so beautiful, Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

  126. Great show Marie! Love! Love Love… “Adore the detours.” Using a roadmap along your travels is much easier. More importantly is taking your time in getting to your destination. Life isn’t lived on the Daytona 500 and we don’t need a fast pass to race through it— regardless of the journey. My point- make the most of what you have when you have it and make sure you enj❤️y the ride:-) abundant blessings of peace and prosperity to all those who light the Way.

  127. Thanks, Marie! This is beautiful 🙂
    Lately, I’ve been drinking a lot of those compareshlugger… and having the hangover… >.< And today, I got 2 signs from the Universe to just focus on myself, my joy, and happiness 🙂
    One of them was your video, the other… was a scene I saw at a Pre-School today when I went there for an observation for my Montessori training.

    So I was sitting in a classroom observing all the children while they were doing their work. All of a sudden, I saw two boys both got wooden blocks. One of the boys had brown blocks, the other had pink. As the brown block boy was building a tall "building" with the brown blocks, the pink block boy was observing and watching, they were sitting right next to each other. After the pink block boy was done watching, he went back to use his pink blocks and started building his own thing. I was observing and thinking "is he going to build the same thing as the other boy?" because most of the children like to have what other children have. But NO~! He didn't. He was just doing his thing. He wasn't trying to copy or compare what he was building with the other boy, he REALLY JUST DIDN'T CARE~~ in fact, his energy was just… "being in the present and enjoying whatever he was having in his hands" and he just wanted to have fun with it!!! He didn't feel the need to compare, it almost felt like the words "comparison" and "competition" never existed in his world! Which was amazing!!

    At that moment, I was like WOW…. how empowering was that!?

    We're often sooo busy trying to be something, some where, somebody that we're constantly giving our power away to others and forget to enjoy our lives, enjoy our present moment, and just have fun with it.

    This was beautiful, Marie! So thank you for sharing your wisdom, humor, and love!! 🙂
    I'm gonna do a detox on the comparing and do my best to just live fully in the present 🙂

    with much love to you and your team,
    Bridget

    • OH! and I forgot to mention~ there got to a point where the brown block boy felt stuck building his blocks~ the Pink block boy came into help him~ 🙂 It was just beautiful to watch the whole thing… 🙂

      Children are our greatest teachers 🙂

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        What a great share, Bridget. Children really do have such incredible wisdom to share if we take the time to listen 🙂

  128. Wow, the timing of this vid is so weird! I just posted about feeling behind as I approach my 28th birthday. At the end, I posed the question of, “does comparison = discontentment?” Well, I think I’ve got my answer! Great vid, as usual. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Marie! Any ladies struggling with their late 20’s, I’d love to connect with you on my new youtube channel!

  129. Laurie Stone

    I love when you say how comparing actually slows us down. As someone who looks to the left and the right a lot, I love the idea of just focusing ahead. It sounds like so much more fun than always feeling inadequate.

  130. I love the idea that comparing actually slows our progress. As someone who frequently looks to the right and left, the thought of just focusing ahead sounds refreshing and so much more fun. I’m going to give it a try. Thanks.

  131. Kim

    Great advice! I always loved the slogan I first heard in 12-Step rooms: Compare, despair. ‘Nuff said. I share it with my students and clients all the time and this video reminds me to walk my talk and “Step AWAY from the computer Compareschlager!”

  132. I’m so glad I found you!

    Although I may have to change my tagline now… Mine is “Helping entrepreneurs create and maintain a business you love.” Haha.

    Anyhow, I couldn’t have said it any better!

    I had to unfollow people I was comparing myself to. Where my life and business is right now, no matter who is in the driver’s seat, they’d be exactly where I am right now.

    I had to stop, assess what I was doing, and now I’m able to strictly and laser-focused-ly (oh, yes. I just made that up.) create original, Sara-tized content, products, and courses.

    I’d say it all needed to happened when it did.

    And I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

    Thanks, Marie! You’re wonderful!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad you found us too, Sara! xoxo

  133. Judith

    Love this, Marie! Several months ago, as a stylist for a certain amazing accessories company, I put together a sample charm bracelet to show my customers the possibilities. It includes, among a few other lovely things, 4 stylized initial charms (TOYL) that represent the words “Trust the Timing Of Your Life”! Whenever I wear it, or show it, I am reminded of this all-important wisdom and I’ve loved watching the people I’ve shown it to light up at the thought.
    I am in my 60’s (how’d THAT happen???) and still working on being who I authentically am. Gulping massive amounts of compareschlager in my life has taken away more joy than I care to admit. Wishing I’d understood this earlier on is just guzzling more!
    So thanks for the reminder. Ever onward!
    (If anyone would like to see the bracelet, let me know and I’ll send you a photo!)

  134. Great lesson today Marie! Ranks up there as one of the bests! Keep up the great work!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Yay! Thank you so much, Giorge! 🙂

  135. Monica

    Love this video! Thank you so much 🙂 I just did the social media purge recently and I am so happy I did it. I find myself wasting so much time on FB and feeling bad about myself. I can’t seem to stop myself from checking FB on a regular basis, so I just went through my newsfeed and unfollowed all friends that I was comparing myself to, then, I “liked” a variety of motivational pages/people like Marie! (Oprah, Dr. Oz, Yoga channels, Affirmation channels, etc…) So far that really did the trick! 🙂

  136. Claire

    I made a major declaration when I reached my early 30’s that I was not going to try to live up to anyone’s expectations and to just be happy with myself and my path, regardless of whether I thought I was where I should be or not. What a HUGE RELIEF it was to just relax and not stress about the “shoulds” and the “what ifs” and just live. I also adopted the attitude of being HAPPY for my friends who were accomplishing great things – job promotions, cool projects, new house/baby/dog, or taking a gorgeous vacation. Be happy for them! How do you want people to react to you when you’ve reached a milestone or made an accomplishment in your life? Do you want to met with jealousy or support? Practice supporting your friends and get over being jealous. It’s a simple trick to being happy.

  137. Harri

    This was great timing for me.
    I compare myself to everyone, but I have it all… The husband, the house, the holiday house and the dog.
    Everyone asks me when we are having children and I’m so sick of it, but every time someone has a child I compare myself to them. I think I need to have a child now, I’m 30 and I’m running out of time what if I don’t get pregnant.
    Then I take on too much, I want to start my own business, I work full time and I want to do a Masters. I want to do everything at once and I think that that will help me ‘catch up’. I am forever in a hurry and never take the time to do things well. I create chaos in my life for the sake of it. I have to be the fixer.
    My relationships are breaking down, and I just think well ‘she’ has it together what am I doing so wrong….

    I’m going to delete all my social media and start fresh, I’m going to complete my Masters and start a business. I’m just so scared and I’m not sure what of…

  138. If anyone has heard of Matt Kahn in his videos he leads a very simple practice of expressing “I love you” to yourself – such a sweet anecdote to toxic comparison or feeling like you’re in the belly of the wave, frowning up at everyone else surfing the top.

    I also use this kind of practice when it comes to the doubt/fear/resistance that arises when I try to do a little “something” every day and that is to acknowledge that part of me and hold it with compassion. It is showing me that I am on the right track, if that makes sense.

    Thank you, Marie once again!!

  139. The number one thing that has helped me is realizing that I’m becoming the person I want to become, and that’s ultimately the only result I can control. I can’t fully control my income, or the size of platform, or my reputation. But I can choose to become a person I can be content and proud to walk through life with. Becoming is no small task. Doing that work and helping other people do that work is the only thing that will last.

  140. The Internet is the Mecca of comparison… I avoid groups and pages where I feel tempted to compare myself with someone.

  141. This episode resonates with me. I have been detouring my entire life. In fact I have yet to finish the scenic route and get back onto the super highway that everyone else is on. I keep finding another cute little town to explore. So yeah, it is easy for me to compare with the whole entire world. Sometimes I feel like a ‘Romy & Michelle’ movie that someone forgot to unpause halfway through.
    Might be time for me to go back through the MF archives.

  142. Enya

    I got over this kind of thing by sharing in other people’s happiness. I’m grateful that there’s so much abundance in this world that so many people that I know can be where they are in their lives. When my first marriage ended in divorce, I saw other happily married couples as inspiration and as a measure of what is possible for me. I’m grateful and appreciative of all that I have in my life including the incredible challenges. Also, I don’t see my life as a linear path so there’s no way for me to be behind or ahead. I’m just always in the present and right where I need to be.
    I had my share of Goldshlager at Seton Hall too, Marie. It left a bad taste in my mouth so I chose to leave that behind and try a new brew.

  143. OMG! I couldn’t have read this at a better time. Also a 25 year old going through a quarter century life crisis (cannot wait to be 26 and to get out of this hole). I have a blog called Passion and really wanted it to be more then what it is right now. Also, always imagined myself to be within my career, earning an income that reflects my skills, worth and passion, with potentially investments, building my future and building a life with someone I love. The reality, had to move back in with my mum, working a job at just above minimum wage, no clear direction and another failed relationship.
    I am not trying to sound like I’m wallowing in self pity at all…but just relating to how my expectations of life haven’t come to fruition. I too often compare myself to my best friend who is an MD of a company, a home owner and in a long term relationship. I’m literally going through the process of learning to trust myself and where I’m at, and to just focus on what brings me joy at the moment, which is my blog, and then to take the next step from there. X

  144. Hello! I’m from Brazil , I read your book and I am delighted to learn more about their incentive ideas .
    A while ago I made this clear in the media and I can say it has improved my life. I still feel that it should be a step forward, but I am looking focus on the present , to absorb the life all that it can offer to an irresistible person !
    Hugs!

  145. Best Marie video EVER…..so many of us have this ‘going on’ no matter what stage we’re in. No more Compareschlager! Amen Sista…

  146. What a fantastic episode Marie, I get so much out of of your Q&A Tuesday vids. So much relevance here for me. Personally I find myself in this space when I have not done something that I committed to doing – things like finishing the Copy Cure, that I started weeks and weeks ago… Today after watching this I’ve really had an ah ha moment or 2. Plus I am absolutely wrapped – 2 new words this week “shitastic” & “compareschlager” luv em!!!

  147. I look forward to your videos each week although I will admit when I saw the topic for this week I wasn’t sure how much of it would apply to me. As I watched it I realized I that even though this isn’t something I struggle with on a regular basis, it was definitely something I needed to hear! I have literally built my business from the ground up and am a leader in my field in the community. This took years and every penny I had. Last week someone new to the field and the community but with a lot of capital opened a competing facility. I had a huge gambit of emotions and this is just what I needed to hear. I understand that quality competition can help the market but your advice helped me feel better about letting it go. Thank you!

  148. Yes yes yes! This has been since I had a new business idea, decided to go for it only to have a peer bring out my product a few weeks later. I stopped looking at their social media and website and tried to focus on what I am doing and those I want to serve. Side note: I’ve not brought a glossy magazine since I was a teenage (almost a decade ago) because of the mixed messaging and the way it made me feel. Thanks for today’s video xx

  149. Great episode Marie, and so important to ditch that compareshlager! I made a decision quite a few years ago, after decades of falling victim to comparison ALL THE TIME, and IN EVERY ASPECT of my life, that in order to stop the nonsense (and drive myself and my partner crazy) I would need to become my most authentic self. To my horror, my hair had started to go grey in my mid-thirties and I thought, if I challenge myself to ‘go grey gracefully’ then it would force me to look in the mirror at my unique self every day and accept it. It worked wonders and now a lot of my friends have gone grey gracefully in solidarity with me!

  150. I still occasionally struggle with comparing myself to others. I get over it by remembering what I want to do in life and I stopped looking for ways to compare myself with the people I admire. Thank you for making this video because it definitely reassures me that I AM where I need to be. 🙂

  151. At age 62, I found Marie Forleo! I am always blown away by her wisdom! I don’t know about the schloger shots but she speaks truth!! Being myself is liberating! Where I am is exactly where I need to be…I TRUST! Blessings…. Mama Char

  152. Great lesson, Marie, thank you so much!
    What a awesome word: ‘shitastic’.
    Love your tweetables, the first one I tweeted,
    the mantra I keep for myself 🙂
    With Love,
    Vera

  153. jes

    Totally feeling this today, Marie, thank you!! I’ve been building my brand and working like crazy, and just this morning decided to give myself grace for what this season is. A quick glimpse of my next three months: a really complicated house purchase, a move halfway across the country, a ton of DIY renovations to new house, full time mommying a toddler, and having a baby in January. I am deciding to be ok that I can only do so much on my business, and that what I can do IS ENOUGH, and the point is that I keep doing it, not how quickly I can get it done (which is, at the moment, not quick. At all). When I read your email title I was like “Seriously? I love this girl.” Thanks again!!!

  154. Sarah Louise Bidmead

    Oh Marie! Today’s question sounded like the same question I would have sent in to you when I was 25… the fear and anxiety of that time to keep up, be successful, lead the pack, achieve the same things my friends were achieving at the same time – it was so overwhelming. When you said..”detours aren’t always bad!” I laughed to myself – this is so true, some of the best experiences and the best results in my life have come from me detouring off the chosen path. I’m quite happy rambling down a detour at the moment and excited about what the future has. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom, I love Q&A Tuesdays!
    Sarah x
    PS I love the idea of a comparison cleanse 🙂

  155. Cat

    Thanks so much Marie, I really needed that one xo You’re brilliant and insightful as always.
    – Cat

  156. Jacqui

    I have decided a long time ago that my journey is my own path to follow. Nobody can do my journey the way it should be done neither can they do it in their timeframe. I’m the only me and therefore I can choose how my story will end so I trust the journey.

  157. Angelyn

    My favorite part I took from this video is the idea of taking a scenic route. I’ve always been on the highway for as long as I can remember. Since I was a teenager I worked so hard become independent and fell into a job right away. When I wasn’t working I was studying. I received many achievements, but overtime I began to grow empty. Almost 10 years of doing that, working was all I knew. People would ask what I liked to do for fun and I always felt so embarrassed coming up blank.

    I fell into a situation that caused me to slow down. I began to rethink everything. A ton of questionable thoughts and deep reflection had me realize that what I was going through was ok. This topic assured me just that and put it nicely. I’m on the scenic route. I am so much happier. It’s like I wake up now each day and see that the sky has color– and not the traffic that’s going to make me late. I also realized that through this happiness I’ve become more creative and inspired– which is a requirement for a creative-type of business!

    To society’s standards, maybe I’m not successful because I haven’t landed that 6 digit income job or gotten a certain degree of education. But I see where I am and I am at peace with it. I’m still working on myself to become stable in life, but I am doing so much more enjoyably.

    Thank you Marie for this! I’ve actually been watching Marie TV since that brick wall was in the videos and have never commented. I feel it’s about time I did especially because this hit so close to home.

  158. Hi Marie,
    I enjoy reading your blogs. You have a knack and gift for doing well for what you do.

    I’ve found what makes peace with my path is learning to master new skills, together with some patience and perseverance and acceptance. Oh and I might add a few moments on my own spent with nature either walking on the beach, or alternatively another equally as pleasant and peaceful setting.

  159. Briana

    Amazing as always Marie! Thanks to Leah for asking this question, I was just reading about a woman on an extended trip and was lamenting the fact that I have not gone on a similar soul searching adventure. No more shots for me! 🙂 I’m happy right where I am!!

    Xoxo

  160. Hi Marie and friends!
    I am a virgin comment writer, this is my first! Of course all of your episodes are amazing and speak to me, this one spoke specifically to the moment, thank you. I have been having a little envy today and I do from time to time. I can’t really touch on everything that has happened in my life the past 8 years, let’s just say they have been very very challenging. About 8 years ago I had a very sad experience that changed my life forever. The result of the experience was this deep knowing that I was meant to do something and I opened myself up and have allowed that thing to come through me. It has been the most challenging, difficult and rewarding experience of my life and I know for certain I am exactly where I am meant to be, if I didn’t have this very strong belief my path would have looked very different. I have stuck with it, even though there were moments I wanted to give up because I just didn’t know how I was going to get through and I will tell you Marie, your topic today, the belief in this concept of living and being is exactly what continues to get me through.
    I live in a very affluent area and I am surrounded by very successful people and friends, sometimes I get in the feeling sorry for myself mode for the things that I miss out on and the things I can’t buy (there I said it!). I don’t want much, but sometimes I want somethings… today was one of those days. Thank you for your perfectly timed episode… voila, I feel better. After a solid 5 years of hard work, I know I am at my tipping point and I wouldn’t be here had I not believed and trusted whole heartedly that I was on “my” path.
    Thank you Marie for doing that thing that comes through you…
    Laurie Libman-Wilson

    • Hi Laurie! This episode was what I needed today, too. Sending you loving thoughts. We can do this! 🙂

  161. This is so on point! How can you know what’s happening in my head, Marie? You’re such a genius! But really, I’ve been feeling like this lately and maybe my period has something to do with the crying (LOL. TMI sorry, but, hormones!) And I gotta say, it’s not fun. But after the crying, I visualized what my life would have been if I made different choices. I know there isn’t a way to find out but it did help me realize what I really want to do moving forward. So yeah, I am where I need to be right now after all. Thank you!

  162. Jackeline

    Hi Marie,

    This episode was the perfect advice for my current situation, and it came at the perfect timing! Thanks for all the great inspiration ?

  163. Dave

    Hi, I think these tips are great. I have indulged in this filthy habit so many times, basically ever since my first daughter was born almost 9 years ago. It is really hard not to do it, but once you really start putting into action real steps to stop it, it can make you feel better. I have certainly employed the tactic of love your detours. I have been guilty of not always making the most practical choices or even worse trying to do something practical and smart like starting a side business or returning to school and constantly spinning my wheels about it, flipping back and forth between two or more options, wasting so much time. Actually recently I was affected by this habit and I asked myself, were the choices I made or didn’t make a waste of time? I happily answered no, I believe that every experience at least has the silver lining in the form of a lesson, whether obvious or not. Like crazy white women are terrifying and should be avoided like the plague, no matter how handsy they are or taking action on an issue is a great way to instantly start feeling better about it. Also some of those detours are just plain fun and can set you up for success later. Like when I met my first crazy white woman (there have only been two that I entered into serious relationships with, lets call the first one, the hobgoblin.) I ended up losing the few friends I had and was just stuck with the hobgoblin and new baby, but that caused me to start a serious search for my career direction upon which, internal road blocks popped up and along with the career search, I tried addressing these issues and it sparked an interest in the human condition in general which led me to consume lots of random information and really develop a love of learning. So even though I am forever linked to the hobgoblin, it set me down a path, a lonely one, that made it possible for me to really excel when I finally did return to school, and led me, with the eventual help of my therapist, to make huge headway in my issues and now, compared to people who struggle with similar issues, I am in some cases decades ahead. Financially I am broke, but personally I am feeling good. So the impractical detours or mistakes can lead to success later even though it may take years for the pay off.

    P.S. Marie is hot.

  164. Great video Marie! Very good point about timing. What helps me feel good about slow motion or even downright bad timing is embracing the mystery. You never know if that traffic jam that makes you an hour late is what helps put you in good timing for an event that will unfold years from now. It can be hard if your waiting for a magical story at the end of the traffic jam, but if you can just imagine all of the memorable experiences that you are going to cherish in the future, it makes life more delicious. BTW you look fabulous!

  165. Amanda

    OMG, Marie! This resonates exactly with what I experienced over the last 4 years as a civil engineer.
    After graduating, the only job that I got was exactly at the company I was an intern already, and my boss was paying me less than half of what I was supposed to be paid in my profession. My colleagues were already receiving a lot more money than I did, and were soooooo happy at their new jobs (at least is what they told me). I sucked at my job, had a burnout, called it quits, opened up an engineering office with a former co-worker (which ended up being one of my worst life decisions EVER), and got stuck with a project from a client which is still incomplete and I’ve been struggling to conclude.
    Many time I cried out of frustration, thought maybe I wasn’t supposed to be an engineer or whatever… but then, a month from now, I realized that I had to go through all this to grow professionally and personally: my design skills are becoming better and better, I’m also becoming braver and more mature.
    So instead of being frustrated I’m now thankful for every step that I took so far. And by being grateful my path has become easier and even joyful.
    Love you, Marie!
    xoxo from Brazil

  166. Lindsay

    Great timing as usual Marie. Great advice and you said my favourite quote! ‘comparison is the thief of joy’…… KEEP ROCKIN. Your the best!

  167. Great episode! Thank you so much.

    In the past, whenever I feel behind or jealous of other people’s progress, I first ask myself “Is that what I want?” – if not, I move on to focusing on what I really want and stay on my path. If yes, I look at if the person can be someone I look up to and learn from. Also I’d revisit my gratitude list, remember my own journey and the different things I have experienced and accomplished in order to bring me to the present moment (my scenic route).
    If the comparison is bringing me down and not inspiring, I stop following the person or post on all social media places and only keep what moves me forward, inspires me and keeps me going in all positive ways.

  168. I am so guilty of this and so needed to hear this today, as yet another of my coworkers left to do their own thang . . .while I sulked in the corner wishing I was where they are. I think part of the problem is all the hype out there from liars who say you can start your own 6 figure business in 3 weeks! And the other part is totally jealousy.
    I cure my compareschlager hangover by watching inspirational, real vids like this one and hustling. Sometimes it actually makes me work harder and more focused. For example, tonight after I came home from work (where my coworker announced that they were leaving to run their own business), I did a how-to video, blog, and an enewsletter. Productive! Use the energy for your benefit everyone and keep moving!

  169. Michele

    A few things have worked well for me. The first is keeping a gratitude journal. This simple practice helps me see the abundance in my life which then makes it so much easier for me to accept exactly where I am in life. Life is a process. Trusting the process is key to being able to accept your life exactly where it is, without comparing.

    PS: Goldschlager is the worst…EVER!!!;)

    • I have been meaning to start a gratitude journal. I hear it does wonders! I will have to get on it!

  170. Hi Marie!
    As always, thank you your very thoughtful and relevant tips that always seem to speak to exactly what I may be dealing with at the moment.
    Yes, I do often have that thought “I should be further along”…I’ve done so many amazing things in my life –produced major market radio programs, traveled to Africa, received masters degree in (MPA), got certified in fitness training, produced and wrote a play, performed musical theater nationally and Off-Broadway, wrote a book, produced a DVD, etc, etc…but believe it or not, I often feel like I have not accomplished much –that I should be further along; I should have more money; what about retirement? Dozens of “I should have”, “what if’s”. What has given me focus and quiets the voices of uncertainty in my head is remembering what someone once said “no one can be you better than you.” It all boils down to what you always say Marie and that is “the world needs that special thing that only you have…” This is so true. The most talented person on the planet cannot do what I can do –because God made me unique and gave me special gifts to share with the world that no one can take away. You are the best in the world because there is no one like you –no one can be you better than you. So I figured if I just focus on what I do best and be the best me that I can –competition and angst becomes obsolete. Why should I compete with myself?
    Continued blessings to you and thanks for all of your insight 🙂
    Monifa

  171. This is exactly what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it. Thank you so much Marie, and the rest of the team! You guys are awesome 🙂

  172. I love this Marie. I knew it inside, but have been struggling with it lately especially as I’m trying to put myself out there to date. I feel like my day job isn’t “good enough” even though I’m running a few passion projects… and while I wish they were taking off faster and bringing me an awesome income, I know I need to trust that I’m where I am for a reason, and I should enjoy everyday all the same!!
    xo

  173. We all need this reminder sometimes. It is so hard to trust the process, especially when your path looks nothing like what you planned. Sometimes the blessings & lessons are in the detours of life.

    xo
    Rochell,
    International School of Floral Design

  174. I felt EXACTLY this way when I was in my 20s. I had kids young and although I had graduated from college with a degree in Accounting and landed a job at a firm, I couldn’t work the late hours and so I felt my colleagues were passing me by and they were at that time. There was nothing I could do about the situation but make the most of it. I decided to change my focus and perception and came to the conclusion that we all have different paths and although mine was different I could still be a success. And with that change in attitude and focus within 5 years I experienced a shift and to my surprise I started to get the opportunities and the pay raises that came with them. Now, I am in my early 40s, my 2 daughters are grown and I am at the top of my career and have even surpassed those I used to compare myself to. Everything worked out in time. I can truly say that I have it all, career and kids. those same women ask me now how I did it because they felt like they sacrificed career for kids and now they want kids and feel it’s too late. I tell them, You can have it all, just not at the same time. For me, it worked out that the kids came first but I hadn’t planned it that way. Was it easy, heck no! But I knew that kids were not going to stop me from having the life of my dreams. It’s all in how you do it and have the faith to keep on keeping on because life itself is unpredictable.

  175. Ms. Seldon

    I lost my job awhile ago due to circumstances that were not under my control. I felt so lost because for once I felt on track. Honestly it was like the wind was knocked out of me, I started to look around.and feel like I was standing in the same spot, and now even worst I had been knocked back a few steps as well. In my journey back to life you can say, being thankful has pulled me through. I mean a true practice of daily gratitude. I say it out loud, and sometimes in the mirror, and in my head that I’m truly thankful for where I am. And I have just been putting in effort to work on me.

  176. Hi Marie,

    Luckily my friends are more of an encouragement than something to be envious about. If something like that starts getting in my head, it’s time for me to sort things out and to change priorities. I by no means would want to go through anything that my friends have gone through to get were they are; and I certainly have enough with my own challenges to try to be like anyone around me.

    This episode reminds me last week episode of feeling blessed by appreciating what we have.

    There is no substitute for experience and each one we go through makes us unique and a beautiful asset for everyone around us.

    Cheers to our individual journeys! ?

    Love,
    Carmen

  177. Betty

    Oh well, I am living this every day and for 25 years still could not stop the roller coaster ! The probl is I did not even get my bachelors degree , I am just jumping from one thing to another , finally landing to live as a ” kept woman” for 2 years… and life became hell. I am left with 0 self confidence , faith or anything . There is no moral of my story , just perhaps don’t ever depend on a man / others.

  178. Thank you Marie once again! 🙂 This was (again) something I really needed to hear. I feel constantly that I haven’t achieved what I should have achieved by now. And it is exhausting! And it is definitely slowing me down. I’m 30 and I already feel like “it’s too late” to do something that I “should have” done in my 20’s. And it’s actually stupid to think like that and holds me back 🙂
    I know that there is actually no one else stopping me making my dreams come true, except me and that’s something I should constantly remember!

  179. Oh wow! I used to struggle with this all the time especially when I was very young. It goes back to my childhood when my parents decided to give me an extra year in kindergarten to play. That was the worst year of my life. From that time till my late teens I was suffering with this same thing. I always felt behind even if I was not and it turned me a nasty competitor in school which made me very unpopular.

    All in all, I overcame it by realizing that we are at different stages and the person who seems to be ahead might not be ahead at all. And I also looked at the lives these people are living and thought if I wanted to have their life and my answer was always no. So I looked at what made me jealous and feeling behind and used it as an inspiration to get what I wanted create the life I wanted. There is nothing worse than re-creating and living someone else’s life….

  180. Lin

    Thanks for this reminder! I found myself doing a bit of this lately and I couldn’t believe that I was knee deep in it! Whooaaa. It snowballed me and then 1 thing led to another. I remind myself that I am where I need to be and if I am in a struggling kind of phase n my life, then I believe that I want a bit more practice dealing with my issues at hand. Watching and reading inspiring clips that keep me on track really help!

    Thank you 🙂

  181. “You have got to trust the timing of your life”. This really got me! I also thought at times that I’m way behind my friends and colleagues. Sometimes, I allow myself to wallow in pain and bitterness. I got pregnant unexpectedly and went into the married life earlier than planned. My personal dreams and goals have to take a backseat for a while because I need to take care of my family and they should be given the priority. So I have to put my dreams of travelling and starting a business in the corner. Yes, sometimes I think that it is unfair and that my family life is keeping me from my dreams. But thankfully I have realized that having my two boys (my husband and little one) is the best thing that happened to me, that there will always be a perfect timing for everything and patience is the key. So as long as I make small decisions everyday to lead me to my dreams, I can wait! Thank you for this video, very timely for me!

  182. Terese

    Dear Fabulous Marie & her Super Team,

    I don´t know how it´s possible that the things I seem to struggle with, are the exact things you talk about in your videos. It´s really inspirational, and so weird at the same time! When I got the email notification that a new video was up on you website, I whispered to myself as I saw the headline “how did she know?” It amazes me every time how to the point you are. Thanks a mill.
    I struggle with this thought of wanting to be better or further ahead and you’re absolutely right, it slows me down. Easier said than done, though, that I should just stop comparing myself to others.. But, as an advice I got, and took once after seeing your Elizabeth Gilbert interview: Don’t let the thought that this has been done before stop you. It hasn’t been done by you.

    love to you, your crew & followers.

  183. Noona

    I am a believer of the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And this video is exactly that.

    I had a great catch up session with my friend since high school yesterday. We had been talking about trying for a baby in the last two years — albeit her less enthusiastic than myself. But she recently discovered that she was expecting and wanted me to know because we don’t know when we will see each other next.

    I am so happy for her, but at the same time, I am back at that situation feeling like everyone around me are having babies, even the couple that wasn’t looking forward to it.

    But this video reminded me that everything happens in its own time. I should trust in God’s timing because he has the best plans for me. Thanks for the reminder. I really needed it!

  184. Judy Montel

    I’ve been reading some of these amazing comments about what it takes for us to pursue our own path vs. those of other folks – whose path looks so cool and wonderful to us.

    I just want to add one little thing, which I took from Harriet Lerner’s “Dance of Anger”, which is that whenever we do something to step more fully into who we uniquely are, there is this resistance and this pain because in a certain way it separates us from the rest of humanity. She calls this “selfing” or becoming more yourself. This feeling is natural, but I sometimes feel like we don’t allow ourselves enough room to feel it, to allow the pain to be there as we stand up to be who we are and release some of what we might have imagined being “me” would feel like.

    I also think that lots of times we get blindsided (I certainly do) by reality vs. what things looked like or what we thought they’d feel like. I took a job last year that I thought would be my dream job and it turned out to be a nightmare of a bad fit. Part of me was so, so mad I actually would think to myself “why can’t you be someone for whom this would work!!” but of course I’m not, am I? I’m me. And despite being kind of middle aged, I keep being surprised by who “me” is, what I can handle, what I can’t handle and allowing myself the room to learn that and to recover when I fall flat on my face… just saying…

  185. Jules

    This is so relevant to me right now. Comparisons are negative – I have put an “Avoid CompareSchlager” sticker on my desk to remind me to concentrate of doing the best I can, and stop worrying that everyone else is doing better.

  186. This sickness is so funny because whenever I answer the question: Do I REALLY want to be where his person is? The answer is: Not necessarily. I guess it’s a matter of looking around and seeing other people ON THE SURFACE. They’re not so happy and successful and free under that glittery surface, so we shouldn’t be so jealous. Anyway, I’ve struggled and continue to struggle with this, but I constantly remind myself that I love my path and my crazy detours and I trust that deep down, I know what’s best for me.

  187. Mark

    Hey Marie, was watching your ‘Goldschlager’ episode and for some reason I started checking out your left knee…as you do! Your left knee cap and just below the knee appeared to be projecting a picture of a wolf! What the…are you nuts Mark? Quite possibly I say ;), and yet I can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection to the symbolism of the wolf, your left hand side (feminine?) and the message of today’s episode? Cheers and be well. Mark

  188. Be there, done that! Until I finally realized that my detours taught me and are teaching valuable lessons that those who got the direct path don’t know and will have to learn at some point down that path.
    Thank you Marie for all you share. Though I don’t always write a comment, I’m so deeply touched by your words and generous wisdom.

  189. Fayth

    This is my life right now! Try adding an illness and the I should be further along meter tops the charts. I’m surrounded by ppl my age who have graduated, have great jobs, got married, bought houses, had babies traveled, started a business. And me well I graduated, got a good job, moved away, then 3yrs ago, I got sick had to move cross country back in with my parents. The process has been so hard and did not stay within the healing timeline I created before I knew what I was dealing with. Not only that but my circle of 5 best friends have masters degrees, making six figures, married w/kids, have a ministry or a business. It’s as though my life came to a screeching hault! I implement the FB blinders daily, thing is only my closest circle knows I’m sick anyway. What’s helped me deal with these feelings is being honest about feeling behind & what it means! My girls and I are always honest with each other so they’ve helped me through too. Positive affirmations journaling and a vision board helps. Recognizing the good that has come from being where I am is most helpful. I’ve been able to be apart of things that I would have missed being so far away. Even though I’m sideline with an illness right now I still have people cheering me on!

  190. You see Marie, the path i have chosen does not call for Lackaidaisical and faint hearted people. I told myself this from the word go and it gives me power to carry on nomatter what. Again those who are better than me now, i just take it like that. It does not tire me or feel like i should be ahead. Where i am is the Correct place for me. Above all, there is an all intelligent being watching out for me always. Am proud of that and have developed roots in my faith.

  191. Interesting shows how different like snowflakes we are. Adore the detour. Compare schallger (sp). My ideas, 1) determine and acknowledge what and where you are, then plan your way out of the current position. Ask what do I want/need to do next, then WRITE it down. Looking at the Jones’ is talked about in the bible. Focus on YOUR plan, rather than trying to look at the world ‘gods’.

    Like the personal abundance journal idea.

    What happens when we wake up very late for an event? What you do is go full speed ahead! (Steven Covey). We don’t get up in our normal way moping around worrying. Better to plan what you need or want and take action with the same focus.

    Best Wishes!

  192. the experiences that you have on your detour is exactly what you need to experience. The lessons you learned, the people you met were all placed there to help you on the next leg of your journey.

  193. Patti

    Thank you, Marie, for such great ideas and advice. I find that most women who have had children find themselves in a constant loop of comparisons, because not only did they usually have to give up time toward achieving their career/life goals, they also compare themselves to the “super moms” they see. In reality, we all have our issues that others don’t see. We need to see that it isn’t where we are, but how we got there that matters. Keep on encouraging people, Marie, you are wonderful!!!

  194. Ula

    Thank you gorgeous Marie and equaly gorgeous team of creators, once again. I usually feel like each of your episodes is made especially for me! Timing is always ideal 🙂 You are not only possessing amazing teaching, coaching and mentoring tools, and qualities but there is definitely some serious psychic thingy going on there too 😉 Love you all and eagerly waiting for more xxx

  195. Allison

    I loved this episode. I agree with you Marie and I like your term for comparison as a Hamburglar. lol
    Comparison always takes my motivation away. And when it shows up is when I have to whip out my consciousness ninjas. It is indeed testing in a world where we are constantly bombarded by external reinforcers of ‘success comparisons’.
    For me I have to step back and remind myself of how far I’ve come and trust that I will get where I’m going when its time. And, enjoy the ride.

  196. SO TRUE! We compare ourselves way too often and don’t give ourselves enough credit. Why do we beat ourselves up? I am guilty. Thanks Marie for this video. It’s very appreciated!

  197. Corina Vanana Valcan

    Hello Marie TV, since you look so nice inside the watching of programs for me it is good to have the appearance like I wood discuss with you and your smile is also a happiness.

  198. Danielle

    When I began to struggle with the idea that I should be farther along in my life and I felt stuck I scheduled an appointment with an intuitive counselor. The funny thing was that she had suggested I enroll in B-school. She is in no way affiliated with B-school. I am definitely signing up in 2016! The amazing/funny thing was that months before this appointment I came across Marie Forleo on Youtube and binge watched Marie TV for days. Its amazing how when we let go a little and look outside our current circumstances the answers and guidance will come.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Amazing, Danielle! We’re so honored to hear B-School was suggested to you from your intuitive counselor. We’d love to have you join us for the next round if it’s a good fit! 🙂

  199. Katrina

    Hi Marie! I’m 51 years old and still searching to find my purpose. Getting older and somewhat disappointed because I can’t seem to get a grip on me even after reading many books, watching videos, etc… I have ideas of starting businesses but I get so far and wimp out or lose interest usually because I don’t know what to do next. Strangely I pick up and start again to do the same thing al over again. Insane, right? I’m really a singer. I came out of high school as a 4 time participant in the Geogia Alstate choir, got a full music scholarship in voice and some how got a business degree instead– with regret of not following my first love, singing. How can I get back on track at 51?

    • Hope

      Hi Katrina. Don’t lose hope on your dream. That passion is inside of you and that is your gift to the world. Are there places where you live that you can offer to sing? Community center? Senior Living centers? Just some thoughts. It’s not too late for you or any of us.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Katrina, I think you’ve answered your own question 🙂 To me it sounds like singing is your purpose. Is there a way to incorporate it more into your life? Also, if you haven’t seen Marie’s interview with Liz Gilbert yet, definitely check it out for some major creative inspiration. http://bit.ly/1LqCxkA

  200. Hope

    It’s so nice to see that I am NOT alone in this thing. I used to have a bad habit of looking around and seeing how friends and colleagues and even family members “seemed” to be so far ahead of me while I was behind. That was a tough phase of my life that left me sad, jealous, and bitter. Then a light bulb went off — who said that I couldn’t have it too? Who said that I couldn’t create my own dream life and get it all? ME! By comparing ourselves to others, we put limits on ourselves and our dreams. I started my transformation out of “greenville” or “jealously land” by keeping a gratitude journal. It starts in the mind first. I wrote down five things I was grateful for everyday; from my life to family to food to the TV show Scandal (who isn’t grateful for that?). Practicing gratitude makes a huge difference and when you do this, whether everyday or once a week, your mind starts to shift. Besides, those people we are envious of? We don’t know their journey to getting to where they are. Everyone’s journey is different. Marie, thank you for helping in my transformation. I watch MarieTV often, but I’ve never commented on a post until now. I will be doing this more often.

  201. Such a great episode that could not have come at a better time for me.

    Lately, I have been feeling down about where I am in my life. I went to graduate school and while I was putting my nose in the books my friends were all out having fun, living on their own and getting well paying jobs. Now after graduate school I live with my parents and chose to start my own business and while I love what I do, it is taking me so long to establish (as expected).

    However, I still find that sometimes I become envious of my friends and their free time. Although I know things are taking me longer because I am working toward my dream while some others may not be–it still bothers me a bit.

    Additionally, I sometimes feel like if I am not doing everything and anything day in and day out to get more clients, create workshops or add value to peoples lives that I am prolonging my success. This was a simple reminder for me that I am exactly where I need to be. I need to trust and enjoy the process of getting to where I need to be.

    thank you

  202. Abby

    Hello All!
    I really enjoyed this video about not engaging in destructive comparisons, and trying to remember that we are exactly where we should be in our lives – thank you Marie!

    I coming to you with a REAL, PRACTICAL follow-up question and hope some of you might be able to help. While a social media detox can help reduce unnecessary comparisons, I find myself in situations where I’m unable to simply “turn it off.”

    I’m 35, and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I’d love to get engaged, get married, and would like to try to have biological children (and unlike other timelines in our lives, the biological clock is REAL!). We get invited to about 6 or so weddings a year. That, paired with 2-3 baby showers, 2-3 bridal showers, engagement parties and more, means I spend a lot of time actively celebrating the joyous milestones of others while not feeling like my own life is moving forward. Don’t get me wrong: I am genuinely, authentically thrilled for my friends who have found and married their true loves. And there is nothing that makes me happier than holding one of my friend’s sweet, newborn babes. I also find that such moments are tinged with sadness because I absolutely want to jump into these life stages myself, but my boyfriend is not yet there. What advice do you have for not making comparisons in these real-life moments?

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Abby, I think this is so relatable for so many people! You are absolutely not alone. I do think Marie’s advice in this video applies to these kind of real-life moments too, particularly “adoring your detours.” Your life path isn’t the same as anyone else’s, so I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is honor and love the incredible path you’re on and the amazing “detours” that have gotten you here today.

      And without knowing much about your relationship, it’s never a bad idea to have those big conversations with your partner about what’s important to you. You might be in different places right now, but it could be transformative to get on the same page about what you both want now, next year, five years, ten years from now, and so on.

      And of course, like Marie says, trust the timing of your life! Because I can tell it’s a beautiful, full life and you have much to love and many who love you 🙂

  203. I always had that feeling of regret, feeling of behind in life than what I could have been, and I wasted a lot of time thinking about things that are not in my control. Maybe in that process I lost a lot of opportunities too.

    Now I’m letting myself free after watching a lot of your videos and it feels much better than ever before.

  204. Christine Charman

    This is SUCH a great question and I applaud the courage it took to ask it. So, I’m 50 years old and feel this same way sometimes. For years I did what I was supposed to do: Graduated from a prestigious 4-year college; worked in marketing; got my MBA in Finance and worked in healthcare finance for over 10 years…

    I realized that I was living an inauthentic life. Hollow. Shallow. And it didn’t take much for me to get really down and out.

    3 years ago…Life Coach. Marie TV… etc..

    My passion was singing and that was never “the right thing to do.”

    So, I have a quote from the New England Patriots, “Do the Work” which helps me stay on the path of practicing my voice lessons, singing in church, doing auditions, and moving forward. I do look back sometimes because my habit is to self-defeat and compare and bash and on it goes… But when I see “Do the Work” taped to my piano, and over my desk… I do it. There’s another quote: Start by doing what’s necessary, then what’s possible and soon you’ll be doing the impossible.

    Plus, I got my fanny back into that church pew and got some perspective!

    You can guess, too, that this isn’t all just about singing now is it?

    THANKS, MARIE!!!

  205. John

    Hi Marie, I went through this in my life a couple of times. What helped me through this is I told myself to “compare myself to myself and the qualities, skills and person I had become, and not to compare myself to other people.” Because “I am not other people” and as you mentioned, I put blinders on in order not to become distracted from the path I was traveling down.
    Love your interviews, especially with Elizabeth Gilbert & Tony Robbins.

  206. Maire,
    You rock and the mantra is now on my white board to repeat every day.

    I’ve developed pretty healthy blinders about most things. I call it “staying in my lane.” My biggest compareshlagger is what Abby is struggling with. (minus the serious boyfriend right now) Seeing my friends who are in healthy, loving relationships (even though I know it’s not all happy all the time) is a BIG one. It’s a real challenge. I’m happy for them, it just brings me into a bit of a downward spiral about where I am in my life.

    Thanks for another great episode! By the way, loved that pic you posted on Instagram of the light against that building in NYC. Love seeing those little moments of natural magic:-)

    Jen

  207. Ana

    That was what I really needed to hear! Thanks Marie. I’ve been feeling behind for so long. I’m 22 and I study psychology at college and all my friends are getting internships on the HR area (which is the area I want to enter too ) but I’m not, and that makes me feel horrible, because I always think that I’ll graduate and I won’t get any internships, which is what I really need by now since I need money and experience on the profession I have chosen. I live far from my family too and I’d like them to feel proud of me what it’s not happening right now…I don’t want them to spend money with me anymore, I want to be a great professional. I’ve had so many interviews and always been rejected…it’s a tough time! But I’ll keep my head up and follow your tips 🙂

  208. Vinciane

    Hi everyone!

    I completely relate to that feeling that I should be further ahead by now. For a long time – not to say always(!), I have compared myself to everyone else – even if we do completely different things in life – thinking they are better than me. Crazy, right?

    I like the metaphor Marie used to compare choices we make with the journey of our life and I love that she includes detours as being fully part of that journey. This reminds me of a saying that has been with me for several weeks now: “The journey is as important as the destination.”

    I think this completes perfectly Marie’s idea in the sense that each of us is a different being, therefore following a different journey. Each os us makes the choices he or she feels able to make at the time. It is easy to judge choices made afterwards, but at the time we make them, we do not always have all the necessary information or we are simply not able to make another choice. We need to learn to be patient and more tolerant with ourselves.

    One way to achieve that, I think, is by trying to treat ourselves as if we were our bests friends. You do not say to your best friend that he or she is lame and does not deserve any interest. Then, why would you tell that to yourself?

    Anyways, that would be my advice to anyone having that thought. Moreover, I would add that having each a different journey contributes to make everyone a unique being 🙂

    “Bon voyage” to you all (as we say in France)…

  209. Hi amazing people! So many great comments! Right timing for this episode!
    I do compare myself sometimes to other very successeful women! And I feel that I would never be like them! But then – I remind myself – where I’m now! And what I have to do to get here! My path is my own! And I love that! This is my story, and maybe one day I will write a book about it!
    And always remind myself – my life is my experiment to live! I give myself permission to experiment! I live only once! And only today! And that make me feel better!
    And thank you for other suggestions to write a Abundance journal! Great idea!!! I will have to start that practice daily!
    Thank you everyone!

  210. Sai Teja Ramesh

    Awesome content, very well explained with an entertaining voice.

    Thanks that’s all I can say.

  211. OMG! Had this email in my inbox for the past 3 days. Got a chance to look at this morning and I went like ‘WHAT! this is for me’.
    As much as I know that I’m right where I should be at this point in my life & according to GOD’s plan for my life, I do get the irregular comparison self-talk which leaves me a bit off. I’m working on it Marie and the great thing about it all is that the seeming ‘detours’ i’ve taken so far, have been the best things that have happened to me.
    Cheers,

  212. Love you addressed this Maire, your timing is always spot on!

    I have come in a bit late. But I love Jeff Walker video about not comparing your back stage to someone else’s front stage.
    Also we see (the outside world) from what we think (from within). This has been on my mind for awhile now and recently I have really started to see how when I am feeling insecure etc from within, i see more people ‘making it’ – which makes things worse. When I concentrate on my own little world within, all that comparison stuff does not even come up. When I do start to notice other people doing really well, i go straight within to see what I am feeling from the inside and addressing that or i do what was mentioned earlier put all my efforts into concentrating on what is good in my life. A shift happens.

  213. Personally, I am usually at the wrong place at the wrong time, which is why I am here right now. I am even on the wrong planet and born in the wrong century. I want you to know that people always compare me to someone, and that they are always wrong! In comparing me to others, they are missing out on the opportunity to discover who I am. It is a form of prejudice, to form opinions about people in this way. Every person is an individual, born with some unique gifts to bring into the world. If you are always comparing yourself to others, how are you going to discover your unique gifts? If you are not you, who would you be? Somebody else?
    Repeat after me: I am the one and only me. No-one else is me. I am not you. I am not like you. I am myself. There is only one me in the whole universe. No-one duplicates me, and I don’t duplicate anyone. I am thankful for the opportunity to be myself, and will do my best to be authentic.
    OK. You don’t have to be unique. If it is your choice, go ahead and be like somebody else. Try it. See if you succeed. See if it makes you happy. You can emulate some features of another person, but even if you do it, you will be doing it in your own way, no-matter how hard you try to do it like them.
    Anyway, you cannot judge how successful other people are as human beings. You do not know their abilities, background and potential. You do not know whether or not they are fulfilling the call of their spirit. You only know, whether or not you are listening to the call of your own spirit. Really, this has little to do with what other people are doing, and how successful you perceive them to be. Comparing yourself to others must be done with great awareness. More often than not, it is harmful.

  214. I just yesterday wrote about wrestling with my “need to play catch up.” I’m always thinking that I need to work more NOW to make up for what I didn’t do ten years ago – or to correct something from ten years ago. Or five years ago. Or however long ago. As a result, I take on too much, and then I’m spread too thin and ALL of my work suffers. I also do it with my finances. I’m a sprinter, it seems, when it comes to my finances. I’m working on paying off all my debt, but I also want to catch up to where I “should” be with my retirement. Honestly, the only “solutions” I’ve found (that work for me) are 1.) focusing on what I can do NOW and 2.) being a part of a very supportive community (the personal finance blogosphere.)

  215. Ruvea Wanda

    This episode is so on time with what’s going on with my life right now.
    I have written a dream life I wanted, I have read that writting such thing will attract it to your life but suddenly, I wake up one day and I realize its not the life I really wanted, I reflect and look back, what I really wanted when I was younger, by the way I’m now 25, it turns out that what I have dreamed of when I was younger is really the life I truly wanted, I never felt such happiness in my heart during those time that I came up with the path I wanted and I never focused this crazy before, though I still overwhelmed sometimes with much information I’m seeing online atleast I have entered a new door for myself to explore.
    I’m keeping a gratitude journal since this year started and it changes me to be more positive person than before.

  216. Thank you, Marie for finding a way to us Goldschalger as a metaphor for comparing! I haven’t thought of that, um, stuff in awhile. Yuk! When I started my business last year I felt the heat of the burn of Compareschalger most everyday. I saw all the things I needed to learn and felt overwhelmed and much like the person in this email wayyy behind. Last summer, I took a vacation and my coach suggested to really take a vacation from the business too. I laughed at the suggestion but it happened. I did it. And when I did, I came back full of confidence and self-awareness of WHAT I wanted my business to look like and what I didn’t need to be or have to make it work. It pays to take time and space from everything like Facebook, twitter, etc… I also have problems with signing up for business type things like: 10 days to get your business going…so I unsubscribed and just trusted myself. It’s really the best thing I’ve done for my business. I’m happy to say now I have clients and building a stronger business. But it can’t happen if I look left and right all the time. Only straight ahead! Thank you for this post. S

  217. Ahnivah

    Marie,

    This was absolutely on the money, and I definitely needed to hear this message. I discovered your YouTube channel about two months ago, and have listened to the majority of your past videos. So, so much of my adult life has been wasted comparing myself to others, and it is utterly exhausting. Slowly, I am giving up the “compareschläger” (btw, I also spent many a nights in college downing that nasty stuff at house parties) and am starting to realize that my life is abundant and whole just the way it is. My story and my path are my own, and, as long as I am working towards my goals a little each day, I can be assured that I am exactly where I need to be.

  218. Oh, my goodness, this is soooo timely!!! I am a 50 year old grandmother, who spent my 20’s and 30’s as a stay-at-home mom raising my children. I didn’t enter college until my mid 30’s, and didn’t even graduate until 2012! Was married for 23 years, but am now divorced.

    At a time in life when my peers are thinking about retirement, I’m just beginning to establish my career as an Indie Author and speaker. I used to feel like I’d missed the boat, and could never catch-up, but when I look back I can see there isn’t a single thing about my life that I’d change. Not one single thing! I loved being a mother, and wouldn’t trade that for the world. I was once a high school drop-out, but am now a college graduate. Was married to a dear man, with whom I still have a wonderful friendship. I love to learn, so to further my dream of becoming an Author I’m teaching myself to build a website, blog and a business. I have wisdom to impart, clarity on my path, and have been gifted with a certain amount of eloquence in communication.

    Honestly, I feel like life has just begun, and I’m ready to GO!!! 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      YES, Cindy! Love it! I can feel your passion through your words. So very excited for you and all that’s still to come 🙂

      • Cindy Bischoff

        Thanks, Kristin!!! 🙂

  219. I am a painter in my mid – sixties whose career is not what or where I had envisioned way back in my teens and twenties. My expectations led me to see my present career as a financial failure. Actually, entertaining that notion has given me relief. Accepting the ‘worst’ career assessment and also the reality of my life has set me free to live and paint with more authenticity and joy.
    I am grateful to have the life I have! I get to paint in the thick of beauty and enjoy the love of close friends and family. If this is failure, I’m all set.

  220. Carole

    Marie, thanks for doing what you do!

    I just opened my own interior decorating business this past June in NYC, and the pressure to “already be someone” is crazy. Often, I go to design events, read magazines and blogs to keep myself updated on the latest design trends. It can be extremely intimidating and disheartening when I look at someone else’s work and realize that they are fabulous and the same age as me…but they are WAY ahead of where I am. How do I keep from getting jealous? I literally take a deep breath and let myself admire that person in my mind. If I can, I compliment their work and chat them up so I can learn something from this fabulous person. That helps me remember that we are all people and we all start somewhere. We all struggle somewhere. We’re all in the same boat. I can’t delete these “potential jealousy inducing” platforms from my life, because I NEED them, to stay educated and connected. So, my way is just embracing other’s success and trying to be happy for them, because I’m sure they worked hard to get where they are! I also try to remember that people who seem to be very loud about their own successes (FB, frustrating people at various events) tend to actually be unhappy or on the verge of losing ground. In that case, I just walk away and try not to let it get to me.

    • Amy

      Carole, I feel a bit as if we are walking similar paths. I also recently started my own interior design business in Calgary and I often feel lost and like I’m somehow supposed to be instantly amazing. When I look at other designers, here and around the world, I wonder, how do I get there from here?

      You are doing amazing! Give yourself a big bear hug, a high five and a pat on the back for having the courage to start out on your own! I will send you positive energy from here in the hopes that on the days you are feeling down, you will feel a little shot of love and support from someone else who’s in a similar position. :*

  221. Amy

    This is a message that absolutely spoke into the deep corners of my heart today – thank you so much Marie!! I’ve been struggling in a dark zone where I feel I’ve been working and working and working and yet not seeing results coming forward. I journal and track my successes but day by day they seem smaller and less significant.

    Thank you for reminding me to ‘trust in the timing’. That is something I have always believed and I think that’s exactly the message I needed to hear. And thank you always for sharing your brilliance, your warmth and your heart with all of us. <3

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Amy! We’re honored to hear that this episode was exactly what you needed to hear, and we’re sending best wishes your way 🙂 xo

  222. Such a great reminder. When running your own business, these thoughts seem to come frequently- always wanting to create new content to grow, wondering what to do next to learn, grow, and move to the next level. I get caught up in becoming overwhelmed with wanting to do all of these trainings to help with business and productivity because I feel like I can always be doing better. What helps me is just taking it one day at a time and doing as much as I can, as best as I can- one moment at a time.

  223. It’s SPOOKY the timing of Marie TV for me! Iv gotta admit that I don’t always watch but when I do it’s like it was written just for me. Bravo!

    The past 6 months Iv been living and working at a wilderness lodge in the Australian outback and to coincide with that, Iv also had a 6 month biz break AND social media break.

    Emerging back into society now after so much time in nature, living simply and having all my needs catered to has been a shock to the system. And I have been feeling mildly depressed about how my life looks. It’s crazy how mean and nasty I can be towards myself! Ultimately, it’s all about self love isn’t it to feel less than another & not good enough. Why do we do it to ourselves!?!

    As for social media, I did not miss it one iota these past 6 months and have gained so much clarity and connection to my own creativity. Highly, highly recommended. While I’d love to never go back on it, I’m not sure if this is feasible from a business perspective.

    **I’d love to know if there’s anyone out there who manages to run their business without any social media. Is it possible? **

    Thx Marie!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Kate, I SO hear you on how mean and nasty we can be to ourselves. I was actually just listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast “Magic Lessons” last night, and she related a story about having a friend who asked her, “who do you think you are? … who do you think you are that you’re the only person NOT deserving of compassion?”

      It was a funny moment in the podcast, but so true — we all to often treat ourselves cruelly in ways we would never treat someone else. It’s not easy to approach ourselves with kindness, but it’s so important, and I hope that the little nuggets in this episode help you to do just that 🙂

      Regarding social media, you absolutely don’t have to have a massive social media presence (or any at all) to be successful in business. We share some tips as well as link to an article with examples of those businesses in this great MarieTV episode about social media: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/06/using-social-media/

      I hope that helps, and thank you for watching!

      • Hi Caroline,

        Thanks so much for your reply. Yes, this video really did help me. Feeling much kinder and more settled since watching it.

        And thanks for sharing Maries other episode on how to use social media. I’ve jotted down the tips and will definitely be using them to guide my future usage IF I do return to that scene. We’ll see.

        Blessings!

        • Caroline - Team Forleo

          Wonderful — I’m so happy to hear that! And best wishes if you do decide to dip a toe in the social media scene — but totally cool if you don’t 🙂

  224. This video hit the biggest nerve…it actually got me choked up as I realized that a big reason I have been feeling a lack of happiness and accomplishment. I’ve definitely struggled with feeling that where I’m “suppose” to be in life. Thank you so much for making this video. Words cannot express how the affect it has had on me xoxox

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you SO much, Stephanie — that really means the world to us xoxo

  225. Thanks so much! I can relate so much to this video because even though people will tell me that I’m doing well, I’m my own worst critic and I do compare myself to others and fell left behind.

    We are all on our own journey. Some are faster, some slower. There is no right or wrong way, we just have to trust our path.

    Thanks Again!

  226. Hello. This is really timeley for me as i feel like everyone is moving forwards with their business ideas but me right now. Whilst i am studying to be a health coach, networking loads, adjusting my life choices and even my working schedule i find myself still questioning my progress. I have a blog all designed and ready to go once i’ve got my content ready(time management!) and i’ve even got clients waiting for me to start working. But with my life full as it is, i’m struggling to move forward much faster than i am. When i am feeling good i can say to myself that i need to trust my timing but when i am feeling down like today i would say that i am just making excuses and i need to stop procrastinating. It’s so hard juggling everything but evidence from my life so far supports the more positive thinking!!!

  227. Bethany

    I think this is my favorite video yet. I’m going to start creating my art again after raising my kids (both will be off to college next year and my schedule will be my own again). My biggest challenge in my life always seems to be comparing where I am with others. I am putting the blinders on! I love what I’ve done in other aspects of my life so far, and am going to use that to inspire my work. Thank you for pointing out how to do this!

  228. Great episode. Great reminders, Marie!

    Totally unrelated, you’ve gotten more stunning since I met you at the RHH conference in 2012. A total knock-out on top of being a truly amazing mentor.

    Thank you,
    Love and Best!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Aww you’re so sweet Teresa! Thank you so much, and we’re honored to have you in our world 🙂

  229. Amy

    When I find myself comparing … I take a moment to catch those thoughts out and realise that it is just fear rearing it’s ugly head. My biggest motto right now is to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY. So even though I hear those thoughts I choose to ignore them. Or not let them control me. Laugh at myself and just keep on doing my thang!

  230. cory

    “Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

    This really struck me. I used to be highly stressed in my 20s & 30s, and a lot of it was due to feeling like I should be thin like so-and-so, or focused in a career, like someone else. I can still get wrapped up in that, but now at age 50 I’m a bit more circumspect (e.g. self-centered? hah). Still, it’s very helpful to be reminded to push all that aside and focus on what is important to ME, and how to get there.

    Thanks!

  231. Thank you Marie, exactly the words I wanted to hear! Listening to the episode got me to change my perspective and immediately get new insights about the next steps I want to take.

    Lots of love,
    Heidi

  232. mel

    So what if you don’t know how to get there? What do we hunker down and work on after we’ve disconnected?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Great question, Mel. It really depends on what your dreams and goals are. Marie’s advice isn’t to say that people should give up their dreams entirely—just that sometimes things take longer to happen than we anticipate and we don’t need to guilt ourselves for taking as much time as we need. Baby steps are 110% okay. I think you’ll really like this episode on how to turn your dream into reality: http://www.marieforleo.com/2011/05/start-turning-big-idea-reality/

  233. ANIVA

    LOVED this clip! Thanks so much Marie! God bless you! Mahalo!

  234. I loved this and I could definitely relate to this in my 20’s as well. I suffered really badly from ‘comparison syndrome’ and it took me too long to learn to love the journey I was taking. A gratitude journal taught me to purposefully to look for the positive in the journey I was taking and took my focus off everyone else’s journey on to mind. The ironic thing about this is technically I was comparing my bend the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. Just like the movies, the best bits are all in the trailer. 🙂

  235. Ah! This hit home for me big time….I work with high school and college students on building the tools Marie talks about in this video….because I was a kid who worried so much about success and comparison! I am so glad we are sending out the message to young people that success is relative and failure is not failure but a stop on the roadmap to where you are going, kid! Success = your own unique destination! Love it! kid… if you are interested in seeing how we do it.

  236. Oh boy! I so feel like I’m way behind where I need to be. The kicker is I should be. My blog is new still, 6 mo., and the past couple months outside factors have prevented me from giving my 100%. It’s been very upsetting. I’m one of those that looks at other blogs and compares and gets super jealous, then down on myself. So counter productive it’s not funny! I want to be where they are now. I want to do the work but I still want to be an overnight success, and yet I know there is no such thing or it’s very rare!
    Going to give the journal a try, thanks for that suggestion!
    Kristine 🙂

    • Hey Kristine!

      As a new blogger I know how you feel, but I keep reminding myself that I am a NEW blogger : ) I started creating content on a regular schedule in March and I’m giving myself a good 12 – 18 months before I expect that foundational content to really all be there and have plenty of valuable resources for my ICA when the come calling.

      You’ve got this! I think your blog looks great, I love the bright colors.

      • Hi! Thank you a thousand times! Your feedback made me feel so much better! I do try to keep that in front of me, that I’m new. One of my probs is I compare. Big “no,no!” I know! 😉 Really need to stop doing that. Thanks again for taking the time to comment! 🙂

  237. What helps me tremendously is what my mom used to tell me. “You do not know what other people’s lives are truly like.” It is so true, so focus on your work and be happy in advancing.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Yes, Pippi! So, so true.

    • Yes, exactly!!

      Mine always told me that “you can’t judge how another person feels on the inside by just looking at their outsides” : )

  238. Sometimes we become so goal-oriented that we forget that life has detours. I also love the idea of trusting the timing of your life. Inspirational and uplifting as always, Marie! Thanks!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true, Candice. And sometimes those detours even lead us to our goals or they can lead us to goals we didn’t know we had! The universe knows what it’s doing. We just have to trust it. 🙂

  239. I love your page and your tips!

  240. Juki

    Thank you for this episode, Marie! I Love it. I have a question, though. My situation is similar, but different in that I have come to accept where I am in my life and am following my path with passion, but I am coming out of 3 years in bed, and 3 surgeries, with still a lot of pain. I was living with toxic roommates – I moved out 2 months ago – so I am making progress, but I have friends who judge me for even ‘being’ in the last place, and not having savings and a house like they do. How can I keep moving forward when I am surrounded by all of this judgement ?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Juki. I’m so glad you’re coming out of 3 years in bed and are healing. I’m sorry to hear you’re still in a lot of pain, so we’re sending lots of love and healing wishes your way.

      I’m also sorry to hear that your friends are judging you because your path is different than theirs. It’s especially awful considering that they clearly haven’t had to contend with the health problems you have, so they were able to spend their money on houses instead of healthcare. Marie has a video on how to get over the fear of being judged by others and I think you’ll really like it: http://www.marieforleo.com/2011/11/fear-of-being-judged/. She also has a video on how to be present when you’re not where you want to be that I think you’ll find helpful too: http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/01/be-present/

      No matter what anyone says or thinks, their path is not better than yours. Taking care of yourself and healing is far more important than a house or any other material things. We’re sending love your way!

  241. I’ve noticed that if my computer/app password at work is snarky, as it really really was, I was reinforcing that feeling of irritated dissatisfaction multiple times daily. When I changed it to something just slightly on the practical or positive side of neutral (because too positive is going to irritate me too as triteness makes me want to hurl, so ex. Use capitals of words in a phrase like, Appreciate This Temporary Opportunity + some numbers), I felt soothed a little bit multiple times daily instead. It’s really made a noticeable difference.

    I LOVE the ‘slager graphic! I need to post some around to remind me, maybe with a red circle+line over it… If you made stickers or magnets of that I’d sure buy them! I need all the help I can get as I’m quite the comparoholic.

    Great topic

    Thanks for your shows. I love the out-takes!

    • Hey Julie,

      I agree that those subliminal positive/negative habits can make a real difference to how we feel. I’m trying to stop groaning when my alarm goes off early in the morning, and instead appreciate being awake when it’s quiet and cool.

      I also agree about the uber-positive-trite-phenomenon. I think it’s time that ‘sparkles’ and ‘unicorns’ as adjectives take a rest : )

      (PS – the name of your business is great, it cracked me up!)

  242. I love this one Marie! Funny … I’m reading divine openness right now and it’s all about this. Trusting the divine order of our life … trusting the process and trusting that no matter what’s happening you are exactly where you need to be.

    A concept I would have loved to “get” in m 20’s. So glad your viewer asked the Q and go the A. She will now be able to thrive, with confidence.

    XO,
    Judi

  243. This was such a terrific post to hear today – thank you!!

    I’m noticing that the more time I spend on social media marketing, the more frequently I find myself eating that can of comparison worms … and ending up with a belly ache 🙂

    Obviously there are those mentors who I look up to and think “wow, they’re fantastic. I wonder if I’ll ever get to that stage.”This experience can be negative or positive to my own sense of success, depending on the day, but it’s usually inspirational and aspirational.

    What almost always feels negative for me is the humble-bragging that is floating around a lot of Facebook pages and webinars…. I’m kind of sick of hearing about how people “made 300K on their first launch” and it was “so easy”.

    I had my first launch this year and had 10 (amazing) women sign up. It was a terrific experience, but a financial flop :-p

    SO, the three things that help me put my blinders on are:

    1. Listen to podcasts from entrepreneurs who are inspiring and honest about how they got started. Like Marie taking a yellow notepad to her dance classes to sign people up to her first list — that’s spot on!

    2. I took myself out of a lot of the groups that had turned into sales pitches and self promotion platforms, rather than genuine interactions.

    3. I batch social media marketing time and then do something really positive for myself once it’s finished.

    Thanks to everyone here for continuing to inspire and encourage!

  244. “Where you are now is where you are supposed to be. Trust the timing in your life. Everything happens for a reason. Enjoy every experience and stop comparing with others! True! True! True!

  245. Kate

    I absolutely feel like I am not where I should be. I graduated from law school a year ago and I haven’t found an attorney job yet. I see so many of my law school friends in great, well-paying careers. It’s hard not to feel discouraged. However, I know that I need to build my self-confidence in order to really succeed in this field. I really liked this video and its message. Perhaps if I just embrace the unconventional path my life seems to be taking, I will learn and grow, so that when that dream job comes along I will be ready for it.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Lovely insights, Kate! There is tremendous worth in every experience we have, and sometimes the detours really do pave the way to just the right opportunity. Cheers for embracing your path — it’s YOURS, and it’s awesome 🙂

      Oh and just for fun, I thought I’d pass along my favorite MarieTV about self-confidence too for a few little nuggets of wisdom: http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/10/stop-self-sabotage/

  246. Alana

    Thank you so much Marie and Team!

    This is exactly my life right now. You have brought me to tears!
    Struggling with the idea that my lifestyle and career path (and life path really) is so different from all my peers.
    Im 26 struggling to make it in the Film Business when all my friends and family follow more traditional career paths – Law, marketing, banking, medicine etc. 9-5pm is not normal in my job. I find myself thinking I should have made more of a solid lifestyle for myself by now but instead I’m currently in between contracts and have had to move back home to my parents as I can’t afford to live by myself at the moment. I find this lack of independence at the moment frankly embarrassing and as a result have an extremely limited social life. Pretty much cut myself off with the excuse of “focusing on my career” and its hard to stay motivated when all around me are examples of others doing well and achieving in their line of work. Don’t even get me started on having a partner! I’m literally the only single girl out of all my close friends!

    HOWEVER!
    How can I compare myself to them when my life and ambitions are so ridiculously different? For one I spent three years overseas travelling and seeing the world/working in a variety of jobs. Meanwhile they all stayed at home working and rising up through the ranks in that time.
    Also I just have to accept my career path is never going to be formulaic and structured (with promotions etc) like some others. This is what I have chosen for myself and I have to keep reminding myself how bloody brave I am to be following my dreams like this. Its actually terrifying at times but I am grateful I have the guts and also the means (and support from my family) to do so.

    (WOW writing this is cathartic! )

    I’m off to erase the compareschlager from my system and get back to focusing on me and my goals without fear of a set timeline! I’m not going to give up, I will keep reaching for this!!

    Thank you again and to all out there struggling with this too. Stay strong and remember how brave you all are to not settle for second best.
    Much love,
    Alana xxx
    (New Zealand)

    p.s theres a great app called WinStreak that prompts you daily to enter in your “wins” and also to note down your possible wins for the next day. It helps you to focus on whats important and give yourself the recognition you deserve while also helping you to plan forward and help you to achieving your goals! I find it does help me.. when I remember to use it! 🙂 xx

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Alana, your mindset is amazing! You ARE brave for following your dreams, and I can tell you with confidence you’re not alone in feeling the comparison bug sneak up on you. We all do it. Just remember why you set out on your specific journey and how perfect it really is for you.

  247. Rosie

    Always wanted to be a city girl. Graduated College (at 26, finally) and received an offer and I was out. Packed my nissan sentra with everything I owned and hit the road to Boston. Never lived outside of the house and that it was a great idea. Florida –> Boston. If only I can explain how this has been the most liberating yet fearful experience of my life. Missing my family like crazy. If only I would’ve taken a moment to truly cherish my time at home. Everyone would kill to be in my spot. This whole truly ” being an adult” is such a rough growing period. I thought at this point I would be married and with kids. Realizing how expensive that is – not on this salary. I am working two jobs to make sure all bills are paid and more so I can buy a ticket home when its necessary and be able to enjoy a nice meal and glass of wine with girlfriends. The most fearful part of this all is worrying about an unexpected emergency and overthinking to the point of exhaustion. I want to be the Orlando me and enjoy my life here in Boston. A work in progress with great rewards ahead-this is what keeps me going.

    xoxo rose

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Congratulations on your move to Boston, Rose! I lived there for several years and loved every minute of it. Keep trusting that where you are is the perfect place for you, and definitely take some time to enjoy the city too 🙂 xo

  248. I’ve been thinking this a lot lately… I really needed this post. Thanks Marie.

  249. ron goldberg

    Thanks for this episode. I am 52 years old and have not had a full time job since June. I have some part time work and have become feeling discouraged and hopeless about the possibilities. Thanks for sharing that I am where I need to be at this time in my life. I really needed to hear this.

  250. Leah

    This episode spoke to me (literally, my name is also Leah). And I have great news for the Leah who asked the question.
    I’m in my early 30s and I have spent countless hours in my 20s feeling I was behind the ball. I finished college late, I’m still single and have no kids. My career path isn’t at all where I thought I would or doing what I thought I would be doing. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing!
    Why? Because now as I look back and think – what if this had been different, I realize I would have missed all the scenic detours Marie talks about.
    I’ve traveled the world (Iceland, Brazil, Pargue, Paris, London, Sweden, etc).
    I’ve been able to be selfish and learn SO MUCH about myself.
    I have great clothes, a great social life and fantastic friends.
    Now, I look at my friends and family that have the life I thought I wanted and realize how much happier I am on this path. Now I trust the universe to bring me what is right for my life at the time I need it. If and when I find the right man and the perfect job and have kids – I will be prepare to be my best self and truly savor the moments, because I won’t be wondering “what if”. I get to really have it all.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Beautifully said, Leah. (We also changed your “wouldn’t” for you, so no worries there.)

      So glad you realized you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be and also that you’re relishing all you’ve walked through and experienced. Being your best self and savoring YOUR moments is everything.

  251. Such a great question, and one that I think is so important to have tools and strategies to completely reset your perspective daily. I love to reset my mind and perspective in the morning, before lunch, and at night. During that time I focus on what I have done instead of comparison, I focus on appreciation instead of criticism, and I focus on what I am excited to create instead of worry. If I do not do this, I easily get sucked into the mindset of thinking I should be farther ahead.

  252. For the last couple of years I had that annoying feeling that I should be somewhere else in my life, that I should have more ‘professional’ job, have more money, go through some difficult situations in my life faster etc. But then, about a year ago, I realised, that everything in my life happens for a reason. Plus, if some things hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be in a place I am now. And where am I? I am finally a happy person! Because I don’t wait to be happy anymore, I’m just enjoying the moment! It really works. In the past I used to think that it’s some cheap psychological bullshit, but it’s actually true!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Yes!! So true, Ania … it’s definitely not cheap BS 🙂 Keep on rocking — it sounds like you’re doing amazing!

  253. Love this episode, Marie!!! Full of fantastic nuggets o’ wisdom! (And love reading what the other folks have to say, too!) I’ve definitely struggled with this, too. Especially since I’ve made a choice to say “yes” to so many different opportunities in my life and, therefore, it has often not looked like a “normal” life or what my friends’ lives might look like.

    For me, it is so important to remember to “adore the detours” and notice just how many incredible things have happened because I said “yes” and took various paths. One way I have done this is to ask and answer the question, “What empowering lessons did I learn” (especially if it’s a detour I’m not so easily willing to accept). This exploration helps me start to see just how everything does happen for a reason which helps me trust in where I am in each and every moment.

    I also practice gratitude for where I am and celebrate each and every step I take. The more I practice being the observer of it all and giving 100% of my presence to each moment, the more I feel at peace with where I am and out of judgment about my choices and comparison with others.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love this share! It’s wonderful that you ask yourself about the empowering lessons you learned. Everything—every situation, experience, person—can teach us something, so it’s hard to feel bad when we consider what we learned.

  254. Wow!! I love this video, great insight!

    When I started my coaching business, I was always comparing myself to other coaches and it made me miserable and unable to make much progress. I had to get to the point where I started to appreciate my uniqueness and my journey and that changed everything for me.

    Everyone has a different path and I love the point you made about focusing on your journey.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      And it’s your journey and your uniqueness that draws your coaching clients to you. 🙂

  255. christina

    I’ve often struggled with this. I think this comes from looking at others and comparing yourselves. Hence the quote, “comparison is the thief of joy”.

  256. Meeta

    Hi Marie. I love all your advise u given and love ur videos.
    I had this best friend who I was so close to. I treated her like my family I know her almost half my half.. Well cause I know since school days. U can say it’s about 17 or 18years. But since she start back goin back to school. She didn’t kept in touch or plan a meet up. She say she been busy. But I mean come on anyone can priorities. I told her how I felt then she apologies but then it goes back to square one. And I realise now I Ever forgive for not been in touch. So I notice i always been the one keeping in touch and if I do then she will. If I leave her alone. I don’t hear much from her. What advise would u give. Thank you

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Meeta, I’m so sorry to hear that your friend hasn’t been as in touch with you as she was before. It can be really tough when we have close friends who move away or don’t see as often.

      You can always try kindly reaching out to her again, or perhaps you could suggest or organize a meet up yourself. If you’re having a difficult time forgiving her, you can check out this amazing MarieTV episode for a few helpful ideas:

      http://marieforleo.com/2011/03/people-wrong/

      Sometimes relationships and people do change over time, and sometimes that means that you’re growing apart. That’s not necessarily a bad thing — it just might mean that your relationship changes, but you can still value each other and treasure your friendship even if you don’t speak as often.

      I hope that helps!

  257. Tobias

    I only recently have started to feel like I’m behind. I always knew that there are some people ahead of me but I thought that this was something normal and that I had time and it doesn’t really matter that much. But then I’ve met someone and understood some things and felt like I got kick in the face from life and how ignorant I were. Basically right now I feel like I’m behind of almost everyone my age – I’ve spent five years going to college and not really caring about it which resulted in me not finishing it and right now I had a break so long that I would need to completely start over (it’s been over three years now so I would have to start from semester one if I wanted to return). I’m almost 29 and I have never been in serious relationship, never had something that I really cared about, I’m still living with my dad and instead of having some savings I have a little debt. It still does not look like I will be able to start living on my own for the next two to three years. I’m nearing my thirties and I still feel like a boy, not a man. I want to improve and feel better but I’m afraid that I will have to become straight ignorant because simple blinders might not be enough when I’m comparing myself to almost everyone and then feel behind. Right now the only positive thing in my life is my job – I’m doing what I always thought I would be doing in the future when I was younger. I feel comfortable in my workplace and I can definitely call myself a specialist in my field of work, even though I have only 3 years of total work experience so far. But lately I have days when I feel so down that I’m even losing my drive for my work. After watching this video I have understood that this is mostly in my head. I’d like to avoid getting ignorant again though, I feel like that’s whats been keeping me from going forward the most past these several years.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Tobias, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling down and worried about losing your drive. Feeling behind is something just about everyone goes through (I know for sure I do). The part about loving your detours is something that really stuck with me personally, since there’s always so much we can learn and take from all of our experiences, even if at the time it can feel like we’re off track.

      I thought I might also share another MarieTV episode for a few other nuggets of wisdom that have really helped me when I’m feeling stuck: http://marieforleo.com/2012/03/feeling-not-good-enough/

      As Marie often shares, it can be hard (but very helpful) to trust in the timing of our life and keep taking action steps forward. Even the smallest action step can start to build that momentum, and I hope that our episodes help serve as a point of inspiration to you in your journey.

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