Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Ever have an opportunity to talk about what you do and either say nothing, or fumble it?

(My hand’s raised.)

That’s because most of us aren’t super great at self-promotion. Selling ourselves can feel awkward, braggartly and just plain wrong.

But if you want your career to thrive and you want your work to make a positive impact — you’ve got to learn how to do it.

Instead of calling it “shameless self-promotion,” let’s take the shame out of it altogether. Click To Tweet

That’s why I’m excited for you to watch today’s episode of MarieTV.  Because who you are matters. You’re on the planet for reason and your work has value.  

It’s time for all of us to untangle this feeling of shame and self-consciousness from the act of expressing our gifts, and offering our services to the world.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. We’ve got a 2-parter today.

  1. If you’ve ever held yourself back from sharing about who you are or what you do — what was the specific fear or concern that stopped you?
  1. When it comes to self-promotion — which idea from today’s show do you most need to remember and why?

Leave a comment below and let me know. Do your best to share as much detail as possible as thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may just be what someone else needs to have a breakthrough.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. may be deleted as they can come across as spammy.

Thanks so much for making this one of the most inspiring, fun and supportive places in the digital universe.

P.S. Know someone who gets tripped up when it comes to self-promotion? Share this episode with your closest colleagues, clients and friends — anyone you think could use a little extra support as they work to bring their dreams to life.

With so much love and appreciation,

XO

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372 comments

  1. “Who are you living your life for?”- such a great question to ask every single day. Someone once told me that polarizing personalities make the biggest impact. Love ’em or hate ’em you at least know where they stand. I tell my clients that when they draw a line in the sand, and let the world know where they stand, there are naturally going to be people standing on the other side of that line. It’s not your job to convince those folks to come to your side of the line, but rather to see all the people on your side of the line as allies and work with them/serve them to strengthen what’s happening on your side.

    • Agreed, Lisa. A question I ask often – of myself and of others.

      The funny thing is you can polarize without actively being polarizing. Just having the courage to say whatever it is you believe is enough to set some people off. I have to remind myself of this constantly. It’s a challenging practice for me who spent the first few decades of my life dedicated to invisibility.

      Coincidentally, my blog’s message today was that owning your power is a sacred act. I see where healthy self-promotion fits into that. I need to see the practice as sacred. What could possibly be more sacred than sharing your Divine gifts?

      Thanks for the re-framing, Marie.

      • Mandy - Team Forleo

        You’re so right, Emelia. Your point here is spot on: “The funny thing is you can polarize without actively being polarizing. Just having the courage to say whatever it is you believe is enough to set some people off.” There will always be people to who take offense to those who don’t agree with them, when in fact one’s opinion/lifestyle has very little to do with others!

      • Azzy

        Hi Emelia
        If there was a like option here, I would put five likes on your comment…

        you are right, some people are not going to like you no matter what you do, It takes courage to speak with you inner voice…

        Keep Rocking…

        • After reading these comments, I realized what is REALLY holding me back from starting to make videos – WHAT IF THEY DO NOT LIKE ME? my setting? my accent?

          I was always a shameless self promoter, but with my knowledge and not myself personally – and now I realize it is a big difference.

          I am being such a perfectionist that I worry that if I video tape myself and then I look back a year from now, I will be like “Look at my hair, OMG did I wore any makeup? What about the lighting? what was I thinking?”… and the same things I think that other people would say… although I now that when you are starting out IT IS OKAY to look like a beginner – but knowing and doing, are 2 different things :)))

    • This is very nicely put, Lisa 🙂

      I heard of a similar concept from Sally Hogshead.

      To fascinate someone enough for them to love you and be your fan and follow and appreciate you, you will have to MAKE AN IMPRESSION, be memorable and take a stand for something.

      And quite naturally, this will put some people off (those on the other side of the line in the sand, as you said 😉 )

      • Right, Kat! Pistacchio ice cream was the first thing I thought of, too.

    • Thanks so much as always for these fabulous episodes!! In fact doing YouTube videos actually helped me immensely with speaking and pushing forth with what I do and getting my voice out there. This is such a great topic to think about. Thank YOU! We are often suppressed and this needs to stop.

    • Bee

      As a professional astrologer and tarot reader, boy am I familiar with shame around self promotion! What I do is so heavily judged against by so many that I am actually embarrassed to admit what I do a lot of the time, let alone promote it without shame. At the same time, I have experienced that when I do sit down with somebody, even skeptics, and talk with them about what I do, their ears perk up and they begin to take an interest, because it does work, when you take a close look.

      I have been struggling with this issue of shame around self promotion for years. It’s hard not to be embarrassed, hard not to care, when you are swimming upstream against so many collective judgments. How many times have I heard somebody say, “If you believe that, you’d believe in astrology!” (groan)

      I love what I do, and I believe in it, and I’m an intelligent person. But I feel like a sleazy con artist in the eyes of the world. It’s a dilemma. What you say helps, thank you so much! It’s very hard to stand in confidence when the whole world seems to judge what you do… mostly I wait for my clientele to come to me, like the end of a treasure hunt or quest. But I am working hard on changing that and getting more pro-active with promoting what I do–because I do believe the world needs it.

      • Hey Bee, if it helps — nearly every person I know and respect is very open to astrology and quite fascinated by it. It’s the kind of topic that prompts a “Ooh, that’s interesting. Tell me more, please…” response. 🙂

        • Jennifer

          MY TIP ON PUBLIC SPEAKING:
          One of the things that helped me be a better public speaker was a change in perspective. When I watch others speaking, I am not judging, criticizing, or thinking about anything other than what they are saying. I don’t think about the courage they have or even any level of insecurity they must be feeling. I figured, if nobody is judging them then they won’t be judging me when I go up to speak. Same thing with self-promotion… when I watch others promoting themselves (when done tactfully), I am not judging… I am listening… so why not do it, too? Nobody is judging – and if they are, its because they are reflecting their own insecurities to themselves….

          • Jennifer

            Oh no! I meat to do a new post… sorry… or maybe it was meant to be this way… enjoy!

        • Hi Bee, I want to second what Marie said. I am a practical person with a deep interest in how the world works and at this point in my life I am very clear that there is nothing fluffy about Astrology. I was referred to an astrologer a few years ago and she has become an essential resource. I have had such a positive experience that my closest friends have all worked with her and even buy sessions for their adult children and spouses. Start by getting your own mind around the great gift that you are and the essential information you are bringing to help people navigate their lives. The more you believe in you and your work the more you will be able to lovingly disregard the naysayers and share your gifts with the world. Thank you for what you do.

      • Bee! I can SO relate to you!!! I also do Tarot and Astrology readings, and even in fairly open-minded places such as Maui, there can be so much negative judgement! One of the things that helps me deal with the negativity is the fact that every reading I do hits the nail right on the head, and people are amazed, as I’m sure they are with your readings. I have to remind myself of my successes when dealing with those who put me and/or my chosen vocations down. Now, if only I can come up with a way to explain my other business, healing with frequencies, in a way that doesn’t put people off…

      • Hey Bee, I’m an astrologer too and I hear ya loud and clear. I’ve also worked as a writer/editor in higher education for years and have actually been called a witch by the head of a university!! Anyways, I am really working on being proud of my talent and skill and sharing it. I’m sending love and blessings for your loud proud journey x.

    • Love this Lisa – draw a line in the sand and let the world know where you stand. It reads to me – a courageous way to find your tribe and get onwards and upwards with your purpose and service to the world. 🙂

      And Marie this could be one of the most hilarious episodes. I’m still laughing.

      “Today we lay Victoria to rest…She didn’t bother anyone. Anyone else care to say anything? Anyone?”

      If ever I’m holding back I’ll just entertain myself with that five second clip.

      Priceless.

      And totally effing true.

      And yes I agree for the love of all that is holy let’s take the word shame out of it completely when promoting our unique, powerful service to the world.

      Great episode! Xo

  2. Love this topic! I’ve been thinking about it A LOT.

    Two things I really loved about this video. First, I loved that you asked us to think about where we first learned that self-promotion should come attached with a side of shame. I also love that you said that “people already don’t like you, people already judge you, and people already find you annoying”. It’s so true and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. You’re never going to be everyone’s favourite cocktail and that’s fine.

    I’m definitely going to remember to think about this next time, I experience resistance to promoting my amazing biz. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So true, Demetria. I think we have this inherent desire to be well-liked by everyone, but it’s just not possible. In a way, it’s an oddly freeing realization because it frees us from having to live our lives according to the will of others.

      • Sherry

        “…it’s an oddly freeing realization because it frees us from having to live our lives according to the will of others.”

        A lesson it feels like I am forever trying to learn. 😀

        Live my own life, not one to please others.

  3. This is exactly what I needed to read today. I love EVERYTHING about this video. And, Victoria, you are absolutely not alone. I am in the U.S. and I suffer from the same challenge.

    When I have not promoted myself it’s been because I was afraid that people would think I was desperate and pushy.

    From the video, I have to remember that what I do is really important and my clients need me to speak up, so they can find me and I can help them create a better, stress-free life they deserve.

    • Same here! I’ve been on Periscope a lot lately, and it’s a struggle for me to talk about what I actually do and direct people to my website or e-mail list. So, I feel ya!

      But it helps a lot to think that potential clients need what I have to offer (medium readings in this case) and that all I need to do is let them know about it and give them the chance to buy it!

  4. LOVE this topic! I used to be so afraid of “bothering” people by talking about my blog and what I was working on to build my business, although I never had a problem bothering them with other people’s products and services. I challenged myself earlier this year to set aside the fear and start promoting the heck out of what I’m doing and I have seen my blog readership grow faster in 6 months than it did in 3 years. Up next, my styling business.
    xo
    A

    • Isn’t that interesting Anastasia? Most of us have no trouble talking about things we love and recommend (like other people’s work 🙂

      • Kari

        Exactly Anastasia and Marie! In fact I was just talking to a friend {& a biz coach} last night about this very thing!

        Its SO easy for me to promote others, in fact its a gift of mine!
        So she challenged me to do the same thing for myself, pretend I was promoting myself the way I do other people.

        When I imagined doing that I had a big “a ha!” moment. I discovered I was not valuing my own talents and abilities in the same way as the people I promote, and that’s why it was so hard.

        What’s even more crazypants is that the more people share how deeply they value me and my work, especially when they get fantastic results, the more uncomfortable I get! Its like “great, now I have to continue to live up to your expectations and what if I don’t? What if I can’t deliver similar results for you, or to those that reach out to work with me based on what they’ve heard from you or others?”

        Funny even as I am writing this I am realizing I’m not allowing people to “get what they get” from working with me – I’m trying to control it which is to say I’m afraid of feeling “not enough”. Wow! That’s the nut of it isn’t it? Maybe “shameless self-promotion” is not so bad after all when you think about it a different way – people who have dealt with their “am I good enough?” issues are capable of “shame-LESS self-promotion”! Thank you for helping me get this straight in my head Marie!

  5. I held back from self promotion due in large part to a wrong thinking that everyone could do what I can do so therefore it was no big deal. Find the balance in life so it really is not all about you. Thanks for a GREAT video!

    • Hi Garry,

      I completely understand that. I have such a hang up that I’m not doing anything special or different from anyone else – so why would people want to know what I’m doing. However, I’m beginning to understand that no-one really does anything different – whats different is the perspective of the person sharing.

      x

  6. I am so very excited for this topic today. As a natural born introvert with a gift and desire for public speaking – – the conflict between the two have been long. Sometimes, I’d just sit back and watch them duel to see who would win.

    Finally – – they compromised and my speaking engagements picked up and I am thrilled to be able to do what I love more than anything: encourage, inspire, teach, educate and equip.

    I look forward to more of your excellent entrepreneurial insights.

    Many blessings!!!

  7. 1) What stopped me was the feeling that I wasn’t enough of an “Expert” – which I know is not true, I actually have much more experience then the typical person, however I also know everyone has to start somewhere!
    2) “STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK” … who am I living my life for… I know me caring what others think about me is more selfish and anything because I’m not letting the world see that “special gift that only I have”
    Many thanks Marie!! 🙂

    • Andrea you literally said what I was thinking on point one :o)

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I totally hear you about feeling like you’re not enough of an expert. I tend to think the people who have that fear, though, are just really smart people who know there’s always, ALWAYS more to learn. People who don’t want to learn or think they know it all already think they’re experts when they’re likely not, or they won’t aspire to be a higher level of expert because they’ve closed themselves off to knowledge. So, in a backwards way, fearing that you’re not enough of an expert is a compliment to yourself and your dedication to always be improving. 🙂

      • Deb

        Mandy!!! Ding, ding, ding – You finally put my feeling into words.

        Since I learn and evolve everyday, I’ve found it hard to get out in the world based on what I know today. There is always more research to do, another book to read, another website of someone who’s so much farther along than I am; I am stuck in analysis paralysis.

        But I care about helping people and I have a unique skill to offer and I am going to keep challenging myself to do the work of self-promotion that will allow them to find that someone out there who can help them when they are faced with job interview dread.

    • “We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.” ~Jane Austen.

  8. Hi Marie and everyone!

    I think we all go through the feeling like we’re bragging when we step out and start talking about what we do and how we can help.

    I’m one of the clearest Spirit Guide channels you will ever meet and it took me a LONG time to claim that for reals (even though I knew it on the DL). The first few times it felt so weird to speak it out and I could almost hear my mother tsk-tsk’ing in the background!

    As those same Spirit Guides pointed out to me, though, you can’t help people if they don’t know you’re out there and what you can do. Alrighty then! I braved my fears that I was bragging and just put it out there, plain as day.

    I want to know what people are good at doing and I really want to see people SHINE in their brilliance! Why else are we here? (Well, besides to eat yummy foods and dance, right??)

    • Hi Lisa/ High Priestess 🙂

      I love your comment “you can’t help people if they don’t know you’re out there” – so true and really opened my eyes!

      Thank you x

  9. STOP Caring! BooYah! Hit it on the nail with that one! I cracked up a little with the perspective shift – people are already judging me, don’t like me and think I’m annoying. So with that assumption what can go wrong if I let it all go and be me, which means talking about what I’m on this planet to do…spark joy by igniting presence and awareness in everyday life.

  10. Anne-Marie

    The last time I did some self promotion for my shamanic services, I just started to talk to one person on how I could help a specific thing she had mentioned. Friends of her got involved in creating a debate over invisible don’t exist, that believing that was childish and really naive. It finishes on one guy, a great orator who “won” the debate (from which I had withdrew early on, I don’t want debate over this) , he gives me his card and say that he facilitate a group of skeptic Montreal, that I’m more than welcome to start thinking in an adult way.
    I have to say that it prevented me from any self promotion since then, two years ago. I can’t handle a crowd that just argue on either the energy and the “invisible” exists…

    • Anne-Marie,
      It seems the last gent came in as the ‘father figure’ to end the discussion. IMHO, the perfect comeback would have been something like “No thanks, I prefer to be real in a child like way; makes my life more interesting and fun. Besides, skeptics are a bore.” then walk away. BOOM! You held your ground after others tried talking down what you do. You walk away confident in yourself and your service (wasn’t that point #1?), and promote yourself without shame or fear. What’s not to like there? It’s likely there were others in the room listening who could benefit from your service, and because you went quiet, lost their confidence to approach you.

      Be yourself, love your talent and business, others will too. You got this!

      Mary Jo

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, Anne-Marie. But there are people out there who are looking for exactly what you have to offer–it’s just a matter of finding your tribe. There will always be people who disagree with you, don’t understand you, or just don’t care about what you’re doing, but there will likewise always be people are thrilled to learn about you, love what you’re doing, and will sing your praises from the highest mountains. There’s no point in trying to win over the people who don’t get it because they’ll likely never really come around. Focus on the right people, your people, and they won’t let you down. <3

    • I so feel you. i hate debate, nobody wins in a debate.

      The only thing you can say is that from your own direct experience, you have witness and experience amazing transformation. You can only speak of your own direct experience. So it’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about each person’s direct experience of life.

      That he’s right to be skeptic about something he hasn’t experienced first hand for himself. But in the word skeptic, there is an implied meaning about being open to the truth. To be neutral and questioning of ALL sides. And that he is not being skeptic at all in that case, but close minded to his own beliefs.

  11. I have stopped myself from self promoting because of a fear of rejection. I do know however and Marie, you were right on the money when you said, “people already don’t like you, people already judge you, and people already find you annoying”. As I’ve gotten older I have found that it really doesn’t matter what people think of me or my business it’s what I think about me and my business that matters. That is the most important thing I got out of this episode…that and if I don’t self promote I am doing a dis-service to those I come in contact with that don’t know what I do or what my business is and I may be just the person they are looking for! Thanks Marie and Thanks Victoria for asking that question!
    SM

    • Jennifer

      Sharon, you had me right there with that first sentence: “I have stopped myself from self-promoting because of a fear of rejection.”

  12. Marie! Love this one today and my favey fave take away is “focus on what you can give vs. what you can get” – when we give in our communities it’s the easiest way for people to see what we are about and how we can help. It’s the most authentic way to “promote” because in our comments, our posts, our ability to share we can show the world what it’s like to work with us in a natural way and that’s the BOMB DIGETTY!

    Love this video today and I love your jumpsuit – looking amazeballs in purple!
    xo
    Licia

    • lynelle

      yeah, Licia, that was a really great point, thanks for reinforcing it!

    • I have a funny story on this point. I have spent too much of my professional career trying to prove that I am the best and always feeling a lot less than. I was asked to do a education-speaking gig to “experts” in my field and was really intimidated by my co-panelists. I so regretted accepting the appointment because I had presented with them before and they always got all of the accolades. Did I mention they are both men? Well, I decided, I am NEVER going to do this again, and given that, I am going to give the audience EVERYTHING I have learned on the subject, not hold anything back, and really share content, heart, soul. Well, guess who got the accolades? Great life lesson for me.

  13. I’m from Canada and we are really great at self deprecation. Part of our DNA! Part of our CHARM!

    Self promotion isn’t really an option!!

    I was always a bit different though…but something happened AND now as I look back over the last 10-15 years of my career, I know I suffered from playing it small.

    A wake up call a few years ago has me realizing this has got to END.

    Thanks Marie…. the trick is to be ourselves and let the eye rollers keep on rolling…..

  14. Oh this episode is exactly what I needed to hear today! I’ve held back from talking about who I am and what I do because I’ve been afraid people won’t want to be around me because of my achievement and accomplishments and them feeling like they don’t have anything to contribute! Now, I see it’s nothing to be ashamed of and I’m going to start talking more about my upcoming novel and running my own location independent business!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      So glad this video resonated with you! Shrinking yourself to make others feel better doesn’t serve anyone–not them, and not you. Let yourself shine and light the way so you can inspire others. 🙂

  15. Scott

    Wow. You rocked it w/ this one Marie, nice work.

  16. “Stop caring” is what I need to work on the most… but I’ve got to say, it’s easier for me to promote the things I work on that have names other than my own!! I have a non-profit that advocates for safe air travel for pets – no problem talking about that!! I have an app company (that’s just getting started!) where I’m developing an app that helps people take care of their pets – no problem talking about that!! But talking about how great I am as a yoga teacher… oh, now that’s a little more difficult!!! Focusing on how the work I do serves others makes everything a little easier!!

    • Deb

      MaryBeth,

      I completely feel ya! I struggle with all disparate things I want to offer and the me part always takes a backseat. It seems like for those of us who wear a variety of hats that we get the message to not “dilute our brand.” But all those parts of who you are as a person add up to your true brand. Maybe think of yourself as a conglomerate – like Virgin – where there is a unifying message but many different products, services and causes.

  17. This was a great topic. I feel like I’m growing in this area. I know that I tend to play it small because I’m afraid of outshining people (as I learned from the Big Leap – another great book rec from Marie, BTW). I hold back from sharing, but once I start talking about my business I feel energized. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I light up when I talk about it. In other words, if we talk about our business (and we love it), the right people in our life are going to feel that energy and not think we’re bragging. Maybe we’ll even inspire them.

  18. As ever Marie, you instil the confidence in me to get out there and do it. Explaining the how and the whys with such ease and clarity that it all makes sense. Yeah baby, why the hell shouldn’t I blow my own trumpet. 🙂

  19. OMG!
    This is coming at such a great time.

    I only last week had a talk with someone who trusts and believes in me a lot about promoting myself and how much I abhor it as pride and arrogance. He made reference to someone on YouTube and asked me “what do you have to lose?”.

    I only decided to begin the process again when I received your new post and I’m so glad because it means that this is indeed the right time for me to indeed let go of whatever hindrances there may be and promote my gifts to the world.

    On to today’s question – I have always held myself back from talking about me for fear of ‘maybe they won’t find me all that’ or ‘let someone else speak on your behalf’ or ‘they’ll consider you proud’ or something like that. I love the first idea ‘Focus on what you can give vs what you can get’. I’m going to start going that route instead of straight-on talking about myself henceforth.

    Thank you Marie

    p.s. I think this is the first time I’m commenting on anything but I follow you and everything you do all the way from Nigeria and you inspire me a lot. Thanks Marie

    • Congrats on your first comment Barbara!! And thank you for sharing your story. It warms my heart to think that we’re connected across this big beautiful planet. So glad the video helped. Sending love to Nigeria 🙂 XO

      • you replied!
        you just made my day *grin*
        Thank you

      • Marie, you are spot on as usual! You are absolutely right. We were taught growing up, that we shouldn’t boast and brag. Something I’ve really noticed over the last several years is that there are too many people with an inferiority complex. These people are quick to automatically begrudge more accomplished people than themselves.

        Several years ago, I shared all my past and present accomplishments with former classmates and friends at our 10-year high school reunion. Then, when I asked about their accomplishments, they avoided the question and stopped talking to me.

        As for online social networking, I constantly deal with friends, acquaintances, and random people. A large portion of them don’t want to support anyone else. However, they’re quick to beg me and other people to like, share, and support their content. As long as they’re getting praise, it’s acceptable. These are very jealous, opportunistic, and self-centered people, who can’t stand to see anyone happy unless it’s themselves.

  20. “Some people won’t like you anyway” is my biggest takeaway.

    And I think that another part of this shame-game is that if we keep telling ourselves that it’s shameful to brag, then we actually ***give ourselves permission to stay within our comfort zone***, instead of taking action and SHOWING UP IN THE WORLD.

    Thank you, Marie, for delivering yet another exceptional episode! 🙂

  21. Brogan Micallef

    I so needed to hear this! Thanks Marie (and Victoria for asking the Q).

    1. Specific concern/fear: I’m not experienced enough, I don’t know enough, who’ll listen to me? Etc etc

    2. Stop caring! This is a biggie for me. It’s so easy to get caught up in what everything thinks about you. I have to remember that if I please everyone, I please no one!

    Thanks again for another awesome episode (along with your equally awesome outfit!).

    Brogan

  22. “If hold back from self promoting, you are stealing from those who need you most.”

    Just think of it–who are you to judge if people need you or not? All you can do is explain what you do and why you do it, and let others decide if they need you. Marie, you make it so simple!

    It took me a few positive client relationships to realize the design and branding I do for them really does make a difference, especially since I focus so much on reflecting who they are naturally through their logo and design.

    Reframing it to be about sharing your gifts to help others rather than “shameless self promoting” makes me feel more confident in my business.

    Thanks Marie!

  23. On time!!! I am being interviewed this morning in approximately an hour and I so needed this to get me focused and on track. Thank you Marie for being aligned with the Universe (I call it God ) this morning. I’d also like to add that we as women need to become comfortable with Self promotion, because it all stems from a powerful place; Self Love, and Self-esteem (which means to think highly of oneself).

    Grateful to be here and Blessings to you all.

  24. Monica

    “People already don’t like you and judge you and find you annoying. Who are you living your life for?” Give them something to possibly like about you! You are a professional.

    Yep! I took notes. This is the positive twist I needed! I have been having trouble with recruiting for my business and getting clients because when I approach people (or think about it) I get overly concerned with what they will think about me and if they will like me. This is the revelation I needed. They may not like you anyway…but what if you telling who you are and what you do gets them to like you??? GENIUS!!!

  25. Hi Marie!

    I love your show and I never miss a Tuesday episode 🙂

    I actually held back from telling people (especially friends and family) about my entrepreneurial achievements or business, that includes promoting or talking about it to people as well, because I didn’t want the negative energy and comments.

    Lots of people don’t understand why someone will leave a very good job working 9-5 and start working on something they love or want to achieve, that’s why they’re trying to convince and tell me what’s best for me – and that causes negative vibes, which can drag you down and make you doubt yourself…

    So, that’s my reason for not talking about my businesses or products with all people.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s unfortunate, but there will always be people who don’t understand your hustle because they weren’t given your vision. That doesn’t mean your vision isn’t valid, important, or worthy, though–it just means that you have to listen to your heart and know that people who comment negatively just aren’t part of the community you’re trying to build around what you do. <3

      • Erez

        That’s so true!
        I’m so grateful for people and communities like yours.

        Keep up the good work.

  26. Another great episode Marie – thank you!
    I used to struggle with self promotion, but it wasn’t because I was uncomfortable tooting my own horn, it was that I didn’t know what exactly to toot.
    Once I gained clarity around what I offer to the world and how I offer it, self promotion became breezy and natural.
    Have a fantastic week everyone!
    xo
    Molly

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is such a great point, Molly! You can’t promote well until you really dig deep and know what you’re promoting. Excellent insight here.

    • Sherry

      This is a really great point, Molly. As someone just starting her own freelance business, I struggle to put a voice to what I do and properly promote myself, and I think part of it is exactly what you said, that I don’t know exactly what I’m offering. Well, I know what I’m offering, but I often don’t feel like it’s “special enough” – I suffer from a terrible case of “I’m not good enough / will never be good enough.” So I freeze up and become tongue-tied about what I do. It’s so awkward!

      • Sherry

        (Forgot to include my main point, responding to you, LOL!)

        Echoing your wonderful point:

        Once I become more clear about what I do and what makes it special, then I think it will become easier to promote myself.

  27. Tiffany

    I look forward to these every week! Super motivational. I was always told that I was stuck up & after being told time & time again I allowed it to dim my light. I knew that I was a very humble & a great poison, but I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. I now realize that I have so much to offer & I’m working everyday to get that confident care free woman back

  28. As an athletic coach ( a real one) the goal is to lead from behind! The most important statement is “Athletes Win – Coaches Lose” – we are conditioned to put others in front. It is a very tough thing for me to self-promote simply because over 25 years of athletic success at the high school, college and international levels came from being in the back of the line!!

    It resonated with me that you mentioned thinking of your gifts as a service! Every time I do a camp or give a presentation I always hear great feedback and am asked for more information. What I do helps people and I have a proven rack record to show that so I need to let more people know!

    – Maybe this can be next Tuesdays question: In my field (athletics) self-promotion is seen as a bad thing to the other coaches (one of my client bases) – they immediately think “why does he think he knows more than me” or some similar version. That is one of my biggest challenges!!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Hi there, Coach Brandt! If you’d like to formally submit this question for consideration for a future Q&A Tuesday, write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom and we’ll tell you how. 🙂

  29. I was feeling shame about self promotion when I opened your email this morning. I just launched a new family photography podcast three weeks ago. I am super excited about it. I love the conversations I have with my guests and truly feel they are helpful to parents.

    I posted a new show this morning and know I should share it all around but I felt like I’d be bugging people. My specific concern is that they would think, “Yeah, Jenny. I KNOW you are doing a podcast already. Can’t you think of anything else to talk about?” (Said in the voice of an elementary school classmate.) I don’t want to be a broken record.

    Even though I feel completely enthusiastic about it I have been afraid of bothering people with it! I love, love, love you cemetery scene. That is the part of the episode that hit me. I don’t want to be “remembered” for not bothering anyone. And, I can name many people who have made a difference in my life that I would never have noticed if they’d been worried about bothering me. (Hi Marie!)

    Thanks for the episode. xoxo Jenny

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Love it. Thanks for watching, Jenny!

  30. Hi Marie,

    Thanks for yet another great Q&A. Today’s really resonated with me because I have a big hang up about not only self promotion but also actually being vulnerable enough to put myself out there in the first place!

    I am working through B-School and know that I have to be visible in order to have a business and life that I love. I’m an artist and writer and find it excruciating to share my ideas and thoughts with others.

    However, I hired a mentor to help me get over this problem and she challenged me to set up on Instagram, FB and Twitter to start sharing my ideas.

    I did that just over a week ago and I’m still taking baby steps but have around 100 followers on each platform now which I never thought I’d ever get. I’ve also taken baby steps in self promotion by sharing my FB page onto my own page and allowing ‘friends’ to see what I’m up to. It’s all been very vulnerable and exposed but it’s been worth it as some of the comments I’ve received have been amazing. I’m so glad I started and began promoting myself.

    Marie, you make so much sense and provide such an incredible service and community that would be impossible to find elsewhere. I’m in total gratitude, thank you.

    Lots of love, Maria xx

    • Sherry

      Do you feel comfortable sharing your FB page here, Maria? I’d love to cheer on a creative writer! 🙂

  31. Errrr.. Are you psychic? This has been my major breakthrough over this weekend and I just started sharing my music, something which I’ve shied away from for ever! I also had a call with a biz buddy about getting out of our own way and just getting it out there… What was holding me back is people thinking its crap and unoriginal, and the main takeaway is… Stop Caring! It’s so true, there’s a percentage of ppl who will think it’s rubbish, a large percentage who will either take it or leave it, and for a certain group of people, whatever we have will be the soundtrack to their dreams.
    It’s such a relief to get out of my own way and send my stuff out there without holding back, using my voice, speaking my words and just being relaxed about whatever comes back to me from that. I decided also to expect that with all this holding back surely there’s going to be a few turkeys to get out the way first before the real shizzle hits the streets.
    Thing about confidence is, it’s a habit that needs to be practiced, there’s so confidence injection that’s needed as a prerequisite to getting stuff done, getting it out there, assessing, editing, rejigging, reproducing, it’s all a process, and being confident is a habit that is created by creating it.
    Thanks Marie!

  32. I have a bit of a problem with talking to people I might be working with about my Crohn’s disease and fibromyalgia, cos it seems like the wrong thing to talk about. I get so scared they will think I’m a flake, or a liar or that I’m not worth bothering with because of the disease. I’m really ashamed of it.

    • Jennifer

      Tony, you have nothing to be ashamed of! You are courageous, going out and talking to people and living your life, even though you are in so much pain. I have fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder and I have found that when people know the truth, when they realize what you’re doing, and how much you have to deal with on a daily basis, but you’re still willing to show up for them, they really respect it.

      • Chelsea - Team Forleo

        Amen, Jennifer. Tony, we’re so glad to have you here and hope this episode helps with tuning out some of those negative voices and ashamed thoughts. Jennifer is right on with the courage she mentioned that you have by continuing to live your life and express your purpose. Thank you both.

  33. Kathy

    Marie – I love this topic. I myself am a peony farmer. I sell cut flowers during peony season to my local community. I like to spread the love thru flowers. When there is a higher purpose to a business and I think all businesses should have a higher purpose, then it’s easy to share what you do because ultimately you are sharing your love with the world…. pretty much what you’re saying with share your special gift.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Kathy! We love peonies. They’re a regular in the studio. (Check out the flower arrangement in recent MarieTV episodes.) 🙂

  34. Linda King

    Great video to make us think!!!

    Right now, I am just beginning my transition from full-time employee to full-time jewelry design entrepreneur and I don’t have all my ducks in a row so it’s hard for me to feel that it is “TIME” for me to start promoting myself….

    Being that I am just creating my interchangeable pieces and I don’t have a full product line yet, I’m not sure if I am afraid that I will get over-run or will fall short of fulfilling demand if noticed but I believe many new entrepreneurs feel this way! Obviously, I would LOVE to get noticed and start licensing my designs but the idea of falling short, professionally, scares me to death.

    I think the video today just reminded me that no matter what stage I am in, I can still be passionate about what I am doing and why it matters to me! As an avid networker, I thrive on helping to promote others so now I need to turn that energy for myself!

    Thanks Marie – LK

  35. Oh gosh just what I needed to hear, I need to remind myself why I’m here doing what I do in the first place and focus on giving more. I always give give give as much as I can, but sometimes I feel like it’s not enough or not good enough. Or maybe I’m bothering people when they only want to hear about my free advice. But I know if I stop, I’m stealing the gift of happiness and health for others. 🙂 Thank you again for another amazing episode!

  36. Gee…I LOVE talking about me!! Never had a problem with self-promotion. Hey, t’ain’t no one else gonna do it for ya! I love to talk about my favourite person, ME!! Also, people don’t realise how they give you the perfect segue into talking about your favourite person when they say, “So what do you do for a living?” That’s when I whip out the business card and start talking about ME!

  37. Marie (and Victoria); Thanks so much for sharing today and re-positioning self promotion as a great and noble cause. You are absolutely spot on about sharing your gifts with the world, otherwise the world is a lesser place. It took me a long time to say, “I communicate with dead people.” As a psychic/medium -a very good one- (I share with pride and abandonment ;-), it took me a long time to get over my insecurities of judgement. Now I help thousands of people heal from loss and find spiritual guidance. Yahoo!, the world is a great place to be.

  38. Ohhhhh Marie ~

    Thank you for pushing me! I completely struggle with the fear of sounding like a BRAG! I just opened my own mental health practice in January that combines mental. spiritual and holistic health and I’ve worked my tush off to find my niche….but FEAR going all out to promote it! I guess living in our ‘American Idol’ entitled society has worn me out. I know I have a more genuine approach and I need to get out there and show it! Thank you for challenging me! Once again….YOU ROCK!

  39. I need to remember the fact that I can’t know when someone will need what I have to offer. This was made clear to me recently when I got a comment on my blog from someone I met at Christmas. She told me that our conversation about creativity (which I don’t even remember!) inspired her and she has started putting her creativity out into the world by selling her illustrations. Six months later she stumbled on the notebook where she wrote my website down and is now an email subscriber! You really never know who you’re going to touch 🙂

    • Isn’t that beautiful Stephanie? Changing the world, one creative breakthrough at a time. Gorgeous.

  40. As an author, I used to worry that people would think I was bragging if I shared my accomplishments, especially on Facebook. However, I eventually figured out that the same people who would judge me so harshly for something like a Facebook post, probably would regardless of what I did! I think the thing that really struck me about today’s video blog is just that thought – not everyone is going to like you, regardless and you must live for yourself! I also have learned along the way that it depends on how to communicate your information. Wording is everything. If I post a newspaper interview for example, I may write a comment thanking the journalist that interviewed me rather than say – Look at me, bitches! I’m in the newspaper!! ha…well, not that I would say that either, but you know what I mean:-)

  41. ABSOLUTELY Marie, I could not agree more with the content of your video. Who cares about these people who might perceive us wrongly as obnoxious or arrogant. When people take the time to get to know us, THEY KNOW THE TRUTH ! And if we don’t tell people how great the stuff we do is, until enough people find out, WHO WILL ? Someone said once something like that : (sorry I cannot remember who it is, Wayne Dyer ?) “Don’t die with your song in your head”…There would be nothing worse and if you sing that song and nobody hears it, there’s no point either !

  42. Yes, I have, for several years. Mostly because of the harsh criticism from my husband every time I tried to show up as me. I don’t let him stop me anymore.

    There’s a name for it in Norway that translates to “The law of Jante”, meaning that you shouldn’t think you’re so great. I think it’s something that should be forgotten. We need to be allowed to feel good about ourselves and what we do. To be allowed to say and show what we’re good at. I probably need to talk more about what I’m good at, but at least I’m showing it.

    • Kari

      Oh my goodness I was talking to a friend yesterday and we were joking that it must be because of our Norwegian heritage that we had such a hard time with self promotion! And here you go talking about the Law of Jante! lol I never heard of such a thing ( I’m second generation Norwegian} but TOTALLY makes sense! Its practically in our DNA!!

  43. 1. I’m struggling with this RIGHT NOW. I’m starting a business to help women thrive while living with hypothyroidism, but I don’t even want to tell family and close friends about it. I’ve been a serial entrepreneur for years, with some success and a number of failures. I’m extremely passionate about this one, and I don’t want other people to write it off as “just another crazy thing Kristin is trying”. It would hurt me emotionally to hear that.

    Then again, I’m just assuming they would think that. I really have no idea. Where this hurts me most is when finding new clients. I have a number of Facebook connections who I know would benefit from my free materials, but I’m afraid to post it publicly because of who else would see (family & friends).

    2. So…I need to stop caring what they think! I want to tell the world what I’m doing so I can reach the people who need my help.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, Kristin!

  44. There are many times I don’t share about what I do because I just don’t look the part! I’m a busy mom of three juggling work and family. If I’m out an about I’m usually wearing my “mom look” not my professional bridal industry look. I feel like I won’t be taken seriously or worse give my brand a bad first impression!

  45. Hey Marie,
    Great episode again. What others think about us is not important us to excel to our aim in this planet. Thank you very much.

  46. My problem is that, at the moment, I’m still creating/finding myself and I’m doing TOO many things. I’m a blogger, vlogger, inspirational speaker, writer AND just started a gig as a TV host on a local channel. When someone asks me, “So… what do you do in life!?”… I’m always like… “Uuuh… well how long do you have to talk?!” lol. Sometimes I just say, I’m a blogger. And then when they ask me, “so what do you blog/write about?” and my answer is… “Well, I blog about breast cancer because I was diagnosed with it at 24 years old.” You can just imagine their faces! Especially when the question was JUST supposed to be small talk!!! I never know how to keep it small because what I do… is just sooo complex right now. So much that I prefer avoiding the question!

    • Jennifer

      I’m having trouble with this, too. I’m aiming for a lot of stars and I don’t have a neat label that will fit on a business card, never mind a LinkedIn profile!

      • I totally know what you mean. It’s like one “title” just doesn’t do justice. For business cards, LinkedIn and small talk conversations. So difficult!

  47. I love you Marie.

    I run a youth leadership summer camp, and we specifically talk about this with our campers, who minimize their accomplishments so routinely. Yet, I need a reminder of this advice for myself.

    We do an activity at camp called Show Off and Tell, where campers and staff share about their (often impressive) efforts to make a difference on a cause that’s important to them. So often, before describing their experiences organizing a schoolwide food drive, cleaning up a local park, or raising money for a great cause, they say “Well I haven’t really done anything much, except. ..”! It’s crazy how much so many of us minimize our accomplishments! We actually have a special code word we have campers agree to say when someone puts themselves down, which they love doing for each other!

    As for me, while we do all that as well as a whole thing about caring less what others think, the reason I don’t promote the camp more is that I hate what feels like rejection when I post about it on Facebook and it gets hardly any likes, yet if I post a picture of my dog or my dinner it gets 80 likes! But I’m going to work on a) caring less and b) closing the Like gap!

    SO I’ll say this!
    Now in its seventh year, Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp is a life-changing leadership camp for teens who care about community service and social justice. Campers from 20+ states will be joining us for week-long overnight sessions in CA, OR, and NY to develop the self confidence to speak up on causes they care about, the knowledge and skills to make a difference, and a community to know they are not alone. YEA Camp is almost here, and we even have scholarships for people who can’t afford to attend.
    Thanks Marie!

    • WELL DONE Nora!!! Could not love this more!

    • Jennifer

      Nora, that’s awesome! I would love for my kids to attend something like that and it would be a perfect fit for my son’s high school. I’m headed over to your website, now!

  48. Ria

    i am scared of curse coz of jealously. Ladies think ohhh she is running a business and she have nothing – like no skills and blah blah. Then I will be the talk of our condominium.

    Here ppl stop talking once they see progressing person without support . So I need to do marketing in hush hush way.

  49. I was raised to believe that it was never acceptable to “toot your own horn.” I’ve always been uncomfortable articulating my own accomplishments, and used to cringe in embarrassment when my mother endlessly bragged on me to total strangers — in my presence!! (Awkward, much?) Now, of course, I’m hoping she’ll spread my blog articles and business website far and wide…. 😉

    I’ve started making a point of talking up others as much as myself, because I sincerely believe that “a rising tide lifts all boats.” So I promote others’ work that I believe in also, and thank them when they promote mine. From feedback I’ve received, I’m also really beginning to understand that there are many people out there who DO need to hear my message — I’ve had several people say “When I went through something similar, I thought I was alone!” I don’t want anyone out there to feel like they’re alone….

    • Diane, you raise a really important point. In this life, there’s nothing quite as healing or powerful than even a moment spent with another human being who knows **exactly** what you’re talking about. XO

  50. Dear Marie,
    What I most loved about this video was my awareness of how supremely articulate you are. On top of your great fashion sense and wonderful stage presence, you have excellent diction. That may sound weird, but as a singer and voice teacher I notice these things. In today’s video you look and sound fabulous and the information is very valuable. In the arts this issue is very prevalent, and I want to say especially for women. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man excuse himself for self promotion, period. Thanks for all you are doing for those of us who live outside the career box. All the best, eileen

    • Thanks, Eileen. That’s so kind. And, I really appreciate it. Especially because I often I flub really common words. My brain sometimes likes to make up it’s own “unique” pronunciations of things. 🙂 XO

  51. Marie, I’m peeing in my pants laughing! You are so funny but I loved loved loved this! Thank you for encouraging us with our own businesses to self-promote. I love making people’s homes and offices beautiful and I love when they are happy. As you said, if I did not self-promote, my sweet clients would have never found me and I would have never met them and had our creative journey together. Thanks again!

  52. kikka

    Hi Marie. I just love your today’s Q&A. I don’t remember how many times I held my self back from self promotion! I don’t know why, but I start to turn bright red and the only thought that crosses my mind is: “Why are you talking, nobody gives a damn about what you’re saying!”. It’s frustrating. But the next time, I’ll try to give it one more try … maybe it will be the good one.

  53. This makes me think of something I wrote in one of my blogs:
    There are 3 groups of people in the world:

    Those who like/love you
    Those who are indifferent
    Those who dislike you

    No-one will ever escape so it’s pointless trying to please everyone.

    Another thing is, if you’re busy worrying about promoting, you’re making it more about yourself than the people who need your help.

    I know that message of “it’s not good to toot your own horn” is buried in my head somewhere but thanks Marie for providing a useful reframe!

  54. Trying to live life un-judged? IMPOSSIBLE! Most of the time, I am working hard to make it possible for the people within my community to have a platform for themselves to build their businesses and grow their brands… and I very intentionally take a back seat to them, making sure they have all the room they need – lest they think I might be self-serving and not giving them enough. I realized watching this video that we all (me included) deserve to have the light shining on our greatness every once in a while, and it’s our job to take our turn.

    There is a fine line between “Becoming a broken Record” and simply sharing some great news, or promoting a new service, but if we aren’t comfortable sharing our AWESOME with the world, then just how Awesome can we ever be?! I think we’ll make this “Toot your Own Horn Day” in our little corner of the world! Thanks Marie!

  55. It is a very interesting and real issue, in my country, Mexico, we are often judged cruel and out of focus just because of being on video or the Internet. So we have to be selective with the views and comments and choose to pay attention to those who have valid and real arguments that can help you improve and do a better job.!

    I loved this video.
    Thanks for sharing with us Marie.
    With love and kisses, Liliana. 😉

  56. I LOVE this one!

    And today I just sent it to a friend! Thank you Marie and everyone on your team! Keep up the awesome work. I really look forward to Q&A Tuesday. It’s a bright spot in my week!

  57. OMG….your outfit in this video is beyond shameless 🙂 Love it. How you are talking about self promotion I feel the same way about image, it’s our right to enjoy our bodies and our style. I have always appreciated the care you put into your image. And, I’ll say that this outfit today was extra bold–all purples/jumpsuit-esque? Outrageous. Keep being awesomely you Marie.

    • agree – I was thinking all through the video that that jumpsuit is gorgeous 🙂

  58. I am hesitant all the time – I’m not sure what I have to offer people, although I do know what I make/do (sewing/machine embroidery).
    And I really do believe that living in a different country than America makes it tougher. I live in Germany and although my German is great, starting a casual conversation is like committing to something big for the rest of your life (or at least the rest of the party).
    I don’t really care too much what other people think, but as you pointed out, they probably don’t think much because I don’t say much. So I guess I will have to try harder. Thanks!

  59. This video really struck a cord with me as I do sometimes feel that I will be judged for self-promoting my business. The truth is though, my business absolutely rocks and I am proud of it!!
    Thanks Marie for your insights.

  60. Thanks for this video Marie and for the question Victoria!
    As the oldest kid in my family and the smart kid at school, I always felt like being my best and showing the world my talents drew negative attention. Siblings and peers alike responded with jealousy and I learned really early that I didn’t like that kind of attention so I would hide my abilities (I didn’t raise my hand to answer a question in school for years) or down play my achievements to ensure others around me felt comfortable. As a woman in my mid 30’s now I find I am still trying to get past this automatic behaviour to help my business thrive and create the life I really want.
    Thinking about self promotion as a service to help potentially solve a problem for someone else is a big mental shift that will help! Thanks for the tip Marie 🙂

    • Jennifer

      Janet, you’re not alone. I received negative attention from my parents, brother and peers when I let my light shine and so it’s been turned way way down for 36 years now. Now, I am working up the bravery to turn it up.

  61. BIRTHFIT is my calling. I feel that it is my duty and service to this world. What a great shift in thoughts to think of promotion as a PSA:)

  62. I love this segment Marie. My difficulty is the plain fact that I don’t like to feel like I’m bragging. I take the focus off of myself attempting to avoid the situation.
    It also scares me a little to think I might “talk myself up too much” then won’t be able to “back-up” my self-promotion should they use my services and not be happy with them.

    There are so many fantastic takeaways from this discussion but “The world needs that special gift that only you have” stuck with me. How easy it is to remind others of their gifts but fail to remember my own set of talents are equally as important to those who need them.

  63. Marie!!!!! This could not have come at a better time! As an artist I have such a hard time promoting my work and always fear I may sound like bragging! I’ve been a makeup artist for over 10 years and a year ago I have incorporated photography. I know run my own studio where I do the makeup and photography for models / actresses and it’s all geared towards women in the entertainment industry. I created a safe environment where women can feel beautiful, comfortable and get great shots! I’ve been put on the same level as people in this industry that have been at it for years and yet when it comes to : ” What do you do” I seem to diminish all the hard work and success! You Marie, just clarified a lot with this video! As you can see I just promoted myself and my gosh! I’m still alive and I don’t feel ashamed! THANK YOU for creating this platform of inspiration, encouragement, advice and experience to share with the world! Your content help more than you know! Oh, if you find yourself in LA, stop by :))) I would love to photograph you! :))

  64. Shameful self promotion – that’s what I think about when it comes to my mailing list. I don’t really like writing mass emails, and I believe it comes through in my emails. Recently I’ve had two people unsubscribe after an email 🙁 It doesn’t seem to resonate with what I’m about.

    My biggest fear is that people won’t like me – so I guess that’s point 2 – Stop caring. I need to remember that my mailing list will filter out people who don’t want what I’m offering and keep those who do.

    P.S. I am a musician and host living room concerts at people’s houses on donation and currently am running a crowdfunding campaign to complete editing a music video shot in the Sumatran rainforest collaborating with musicians in the UK and in Indonesia.
    It’s pretty darn awesome.

  65. I loved this. Marie I totally love the way you promote yourself, in a variety of ways in every single video. There is so much Grace in all your ways.
    I totally love it! There’s so much to learn, while I dont feel at all that Im learning, you make it fun filled class!

  66. Well said.

    It is the gifts you have to share that can help others… and if you don’t share them, you can’t help.

  67. Hi there Marie!

    I swear, every Tuesday morning I say “It’s Marie Forleo day!!”, do a fist pump, then head to my email to see what’s there. It’s always something insightful, timely and relevant, and today is no exception!

    Here are MY A’s to your Q’s:

    1. The specific concerns that hold me back from sharing are the fears of stepping outside of my comfort zone and failure. I can make small, noncommittal steps (such as trying a new food) but even going new places can make me nervous. So when I have a grand idea, I get really scared of sharing it because, what if it blows up and I can’t handle the stress? What do I do if I’m tired and need to take a day or two off, will everything just fall apart and will I lose my drive and let the whole thing just disappear into the dust? I guess I’m also afraid of accountability, in a sense, if it fails and a whole lot of people saw it happen. Perhaps they’d lose faith in me and any idea I come up with after that will be “yeah, sure, another GRAND idea” (as I’ve heard after throwing my hook into the waters of sales and entrepreneurship multiple times with little success but lots of lessons learned).

    2. The best takeaway for me is the idea of what I want people to say when I die – but I’d put a spin on it. I’m not very religious, but if there were an afterlife, I like the idea of meeting St. Peter at the gates, and having to testify about what you did with your life. So I always ask myself, what do I want to say about how I used my time on earth? Do I want to have to make excuses for why I didn’t use my gifts and talents (I was scared, the time was never right, I just wasn’t sure), or do I want to say “things didn’t always work out the way I imagined, but at least I gave it my all”. I prefer Option #2, even when it isn’t easy to live it all the time.

    Thank you for another wonderful video! Definitely gave me some things to think about!

    Finally, in the spirit of self promotion, I’m working on a blog that gives detailed reviews of books about business/self-help/productivity, particularly books mentioned and recommended by successful people and entrepreneurs. It’s still a big work in progress but I’m putting it out there now to directly challenge my own fears!

  68. Mary Lou Miller

    Thanks Marie! Love your show! This is exactly what I needed to hear today! Just starting out with my social media business and obviously have to get the word out or “self promote”! Thanks for the different perspective! Keep up the terrific work!

  69. This was a great episode.
    1. What stops me from sharing my talents and what I do with other is often the little voice from my childhood that keeps saying “stop bragging, stop showing off. They’re gonna think your so full of yourself”. I have to learn to shut her up!
    2. My big take away from today’s show is to take the “shame” out of self promotion. I have to remember that it is a shame not to talk about my gifts and talents.
    Thanks Marie for this reminder.

  70. Awesome topic/question. Any shame just needs to go.

    1. The thing that stopped me for the longest time was feeling like I didn’t know enough or I was too young and inexperienced which is complete BS.
    2. Reframing my thinking so that if I’m not sharing with the world I’m stealing.

    Thanks for covering this Marie and thanks for asking this great question Victoria.

  71. Thanks Maria. Great one here. I just shared it my Facebook Mastermind group of like minded fitness professionals!

  72. Marie – I laughed out loud when you hit the cemetery – and said, “She didn’t bother anyone.” How true for those who will never do anything extraordinary. I heard Robert Kiyosaki say once that if we want to do something worthwhile — 1/3 of the people will love us, 1/3 will hate us, and 1/3 really just won’t care. I want to be in that crowd.

  73. Another great vid Marie! After having a successful web design business and now moving into the nutrition field to take on an entirely new business, I definitely feel like I’ve learned a few things the second time around.

    Something that I keep in my mind as I move towards my next dream…is a mantra that I got from a Deepak Chopra meditation that is “I play, I create, I succeed.” Basically the idea is that once we start aligning our thoughts with what we want, we need to go out there and bring that energy into the world so it can expand…which self promotion plays a big part of. Thinking about what you want is one thing, but speaking that out loud and spreading it with others brings that energy to an even higher level.

    The part for me that I feel has held me back from promotion is being around others who seem unhappy with where they are in life..almost being afraid to let your passion shine too bright and make them feel bad. I find that being around others who want to shine their passion as bright as you has been so inspiring. But that’s not always going to happen, so I think helping people realize their dreams or asking them about what they truly love in return gives you both more freedom to “self promote” without the shame.

  74. Hi Marie,

    This was my very first time hearing one of your videos. It was really good and helped me when you said the world needs that special gift that only I have. I would always shrink back from promoting my business because I felt maybe I wasn’t worth the price I charged or that people wouldn’t see my value but I really believe I have what it takes and I can break past this fear and move forward….thanks for posting this episode.

  75. Looove this episode. I have always whispered and mumbled and no-one knows what I’m always working on. Case in point- I had dinner with a long-time friend recently and as she expressed a problem she was having at home and I jumped in saying that she wasn’t alone and I had just helped someone with this. She looked stunned and said, “Wait, is this what you’re doing with your business?”

    So, thank you for the re-frames and asking where we learned this from in the first place. I’m leaving out a huge piece of myself when I just talk about my hobbies and don’t talk about my work. Plus, my work is beautiful and natural for me but I can’t help anyone if I don’t speak up.

  76. Marie, as usual, you nailed it! In spiritual circles, “the golden shadow” is the term used for the positive attributes we are ashamed to reveal. As children, many of us were shamed by the phrase “who do you think you are?” when we shared something wonderful about ourselves. Thanks for coming out to help your followers own their Light and share their gifts, in a balanced, helpful way. It’s also about healing an outdated model of doing business. New model- help others by sharing your passion. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Marie!

  77. I loved the call to care more about getting your ideas out and helping people than you care about being “unjudged”. We’re all going to be judged regardless of what we do so we might as well live up to our potential, tout the value of our work and attract the people who want what we have to offer.

  78. Another great episode! Marie, you are such a great role model for me and so many others. You work so hard to produce quality information every Tuesday. That takes so much perseverance! This episode spoke to me because my business is still rather new. I recall fumbling over my words early on (partly due to being a classic introvert and partly because I was still defining my business identity). The fumbles made me less confident, but as I continued on with the biz I had to push past those minor negative experiences and I have found that every time I have a conversation with someone new about my counseling practice I get better at it. Thanks again, Marie! See you next Tuesday 🙂

  79. This video is extremely timely for me, because I’m getting ready to start approaching bloggers about my product. The main fear that I have is that no one will like or care about my paper.

    I need to remember that there may actually be someone out there who cares about my work, and who needs or wants the very thing that I’m creating. After all, I’m creating it because it’s something that I want to see in the world. I can’t be the only one.

  80. Thank you Marie, you are such an inspiration and you always make me laugh. The part with the funeral was priceless 😀 Now i am so afraid that the people around me would just say at my funeral : “well, she has a lot of idea, but never turn them into reality”…

    Today i realize that i almost never self-promote myself, when i speak about things that i have done, i just minimize it, like “well, i wasn’t alone to do it”, “it was really not a big thing”. So my friends and my boyfriend are always pushing me to talk about me, about what i do, about my DIY blog and most of all to be proud about it. I think i am so afraid of annoying people and be judge as a person who brag that i sometimes forgot that the people who must be annoyed most are my friends and my boyfriend to have to push me to self-promote all the time….

    So the advice i will keep in mind is to “focus on what you can give vs what you can get” and about the “special gift that only I have” 😉

    Kisses from the south of France 🙂

  81. Whenever I get blocked on promoting I think of the old quote “If you don’t ask for something you will never get it.” If I never ask for someone to sign up for my services and coaching I can’t get upset when no one signs up.

    Thanks for the reminder and the permission to actually put ourselves out there!

    xoxo,
    Desiree

  82. Mika

    My answer to 1. is:
    That what I try to say is not so important because people who already do better than I do will probably know about it. Why do I say from my baby-step experience and bother them?

    2. where Marie said ” people already don’t like you ” made me laugh about it 🙂 and it is true in the beginning anyways, but if I trust what I mean is true to them in anyways in their lives they still may hear inside of their “being-careless mask” and that has been same sometimes when I just encounter a experience for me, so I forgive them being so already!

  83. This has been mentioned in above comments, however I share some of the same anxieties and fears as all of you do. Mine is the fear of not feeling enough like an expert or “imposter syndrome”.
    Even though I know better and I can usually talk myself out of this, it creeps in on me none the less. One of my high priority goals is to find the best method in dealing with this!
    If you share in this same fear, any suggestions that you have that have helped you would be appreciated!!

  84. LOVE this episode. Why? Because I struggle with this all of the time, constantly defending my self-promotion as a “have to” instead of a “want to.” #2 resonated with me the most. I always care what people think…too much. I care about what they think of me, and then of course, what they think of what I do.

    I went to business school (MBA) and many of my classmates, don’t understand my work and in a sense I feel judged for not having a “real job” because I am an author and an artist…not at all what most people do out of business school. BUT I think a lot of it is my own problem. I really think most people don’t care, but I somehow am worried about it.

  85. Great topic! This is something that I consistently reinforce with my female SuperStar Career Coaching clients: It’s important to remind people of the value that you bring to the table – in your resume, in negotiation conversations, in your quest for a promotion, etc.

    I really hope this helps people get more comfortable with introducing themselves in a way that communicates the value they bring in an authentic way.

    Thanks for all that you do Marie & Team Forleo!

    Namaste.

  86. I could not agree more, Marie! I wrote a piece on this for an Australian news site earlier this year (I am Brit who lived in Sydney, now living in New York). I find it bothersome when people take pride in NOT sharing/doing anything and mask it as modesty.

    You make Tuesday one of my favourite days of the week! Thanks Marie and team 🙂

    Xo

  87. Kristian

    It’s important for your self confidence to show, to tell your story, to share with others and to use tools when you came from self promoting to pomoting prods or services. Almost never people tell their WHY.
    You know a person, who will give you honest opinion about your action.. that’s the person in your mirror – YOU!
    So, first, YOU buy YOUR story and then sell it to the World!
    If YOU LIKE it..OTHERS will, too!

  88. E

    I agree…I try to mention my blog after I got to know the person…I have managed to attract many readers and visitors to Ireland. However it has not monetized just yet. I do have a plan though…

    As I work in IT company now, in my department in particular manager always tells me you need to promote yourself. Nobody else will..I can definitely relate here. I was at first slightly shocked to hear this from her, but I really do agree with Marie here. There is no shame and we need to change our beliefs about this sort of thing.

  89. Hey Marie,

    Today’s video is SPOT ON.

    A quick story: About 2 months ago, I did my first-ever TED Talk.

    I poured months into it because my goal, truly, is to change the world — to get people thinking about the future and what we need to do to prepare for it. I believe EVERY ONE OF US has a UNIQUE “window on our world” that we MUST share. And I’m pretty proud of my talk.

    But when I did my first (tiny) bit of “self-promotion”… I got SHREDDED by some angry podcasters. It was totally unfair — they even admit they didn’t even WATCH my talk before pulling me to pieces. But this was my worst nightmare — the thing that has kept me toiling away quietly in the shadows for years. And it’s the very thing everyone who’s afraid of self-promotion is really worried about!

    But your point #2 — “Stop caring” — is truly the answer.

    You are dead right: That special idea inside each of us is what we’re here for (“who we’re living for”) — we’re not here to try to impress people who have preconceived ideas about us, or who refuse to open their minds to something new. We’re here to capture our unique window on the world, and share it. That’s, quite literally, WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR. (Ironically, that’s exactly what my talk is about.)

    I believe YOU, and ME, and anyone who reads this… NEED to tap our unique perspectives and the creativity inside… in order to prepare for the future that is racing at us.

    Thank you for encouraging your viewers and giving them strength. You are a shining example, and I will always be a fan.

    Jeff

  90. Thank you Marie for illuminating this hot topic and for sharing some of your wisdom!

    In the spirit of sharing here is what I have learned to help overcome the inertia and roadblocks of sharing what I do by embracing three simple principles:
    1. Surrender to the fact that what other people think about you actually is none of your business. We give away our power when we put what others think of us ahead of what we think of ourselves.
    2. My fav re-frame when old programming pops up of the soundtrack variety “Don’t get too big for your britches.” I say/think to myself, “It is an act of selfishness to keep what I can offer others a secret.” The more I share what I do also means it gets easier and more fluid.
    3. I choose to then come from a place of composure and simply know that I am and what I offer may be a fit for some and not for others and be totally a-okay with that.

  91. I’ve been a photographer for well over a decade, but it took me a long time to say “I’m a wedding photographer.” Such a stigma there! Now that I’m no longer photographing weddings, it’s interesting… It’s easy to say “I’m a photographer” and not so easy to say “I’m a beauty portrait photographer” or “I’m an expert branding photographer.”

    I finally got comfortable tooting my own horn in one way and have relearn to do it in an entirely different way.

  92. lynelle

    Marie and gang,

    I just read many (not all) of the comments and replies here. It’s absolutely wonderful, wondrous — you have men and women, people saying over and over, “oh, this is The perfect thing for me to have heard today,” or “oh, I’ve been working with this one so much just recently,” or xyz — and I was merely going to reply and say the very same thing.

    It is a Super, Super big, timely, important, fundamental, and did I add Timely yet, subject; and you always do this, it seems: The “synchronicity” and timing of your subject matter are perfection in motion. I love this. I love it. Thanks to everyone here!!

  93. This could not have come at a better time for me! My first book is just about to come out (next week!) and yesterday I literally spent an hour toying with whether to post this to my personal facebook page – eventually I just pressed submit & have received plenty of positivity in return. Then this Q & A landed in my inbox and spoke to me immediately. I’m so used to wearing my invisibility cloak ~ time to remove it, get promoting & remember that whatever I do I will be judged, but holding true to what I’m giving is far more important. Thank you Marie & team for this timely reminder.

  94. I think we’re taught not to brag so we don’t make the people we’re talking to feel small and less important than ourselves – which is a basic tenet of good manners. I went to Cambridge University and when it comes out in conversation it’s always a little bit embarrassing – people jump to conclusions about me and everyone else who went there. However, now I’m building my business around this fact and in my marketing I have to be really up-front with it, it’s one of my unique selling points.

    I also find it difficult to talk about what I’m trying to achieve because my ambitions are so much bigger than the people around me. The other mums at the school gate are content to be part-time nurses or care-workers. My mum asks me why I don’t just get a job. The don’t understand that I want to write books, coach people and make a massive impact on thousands of lives. I can’t do that if I go back to the conventional workplace. But, I don’t want to belittle the people I interact with on a daily basis by talking too much about what I do.

    I think I need to remember that I have a lot to give and I can only serve if people know about me.

    Thanks for this little nugget of wisdom, Marie.

  95. In terms of tooting my own horn on social, I tend to always stick to the 10% sharing rule, a common, mostly unspoken best practice on the majority of social networking sites.

  96. Kimberley Mulla

    Hey Marie and team! Another awesome video!

    I actually didn’t even realize that I needed to hear this. I have allowed others to make me feel like I need to tone it down and downplay my job and achievements. But in reality, I’m a story teller and I love to share what I do. What held me back was the judgment of others (people I don’t even admire!).

    I am coming up to my 5 year anniversary for my business and I think that it’s time for me to be true to myself in sharing what I do and why I do it. Perhaps this year I will get more comfortable with self-promotion as I continue to move towards new goals.

    Thank you!

  97. In the past I would refrain from talking about my work because I am a Spiritual Life Coach and wasn’t sure of how others would perceive the work that I do (I help women entrepreneurs learn how to trust and follow their inner guidance so they can overcome their fears, make confident life & business decisions and take Divinely guided steps towards fulfilling their purpose. But I found that when I DID open my mouth and talk about my work, most people were fascinated and wanted to know more. I now follow this mantra, “If you get nervous, focus on service.” As Marie said, it’s not about YOU, it’s about how you are here to serve others and if I don’t show up the way I am meant to in life, I am depriving all the people who could benefit from my help. Thanks for sharing this topic Marie!

  98. Christine

    Thank you, Marie! This is such a good one I watched it twice! Just last week I was introduced as a fledgling jewelry designer to the owners of one of the leading jewelry and accessory stores in my city at a social event. As we chatted one of the owners prodded me about my own work but I somehow ignored her interest in me and discussed a talented classmate instead. It wasn’t until days later that I realized I had missed a great opportunity, at the very least for some industry insight and perhaps an honest critique of my work. Apart from the fact that I have a marble head, apparently, I think my problem stems from wanting everything to be in place, ready, and 100% perfect before I launch. It can be hard to claim the title of “artist” or “entrepreneur,” but if we don’t do it first, how can we expect anyone else to?

  99. Thank you so much for this! I constantly struggle with not just promoting, but even introducing myself and describing what I do. My biggest struggle is with #2 – Stop Caring. While it is great advice, I think it is going to take some practice. The fear of not being good enough and being judged for it terrifies me an not only keeps me from self-promoting be also holds me back from sharing my ideas and work too. Yikes! (Admitting I have a problem is the first step, right?) Thanks for the tips and I will be working on this!

  100. 1. If you’ve ever held yourself back from sharing about who you are or what you do — what was the specific fear or concern that stopped you?

    I once went to a networking event, and someone asked my friend and I what we did. My friend is filming a documentary, and the person that asked us what we did was also in film, so they hit it off and talked to each other about their projects. Then when he came to me he said “so what do you do?” I sort of waved my hand in a way that suggested I was a nobody and said, “Oh I’m just…”

    The guy stopped me mid-sentence and said “No, you’re not *just* anyone, be proud of what you do.”

    I didn’t feel comfortable sharing who I was or what I did (writing) because I felt somehow not good enough to share, since they had hit it off talking about their film projects. It was an odd feeling, and one I will never have again, because he was right! I’m not *just* anyone. I’m somebody damn it! No matter how small it may feel sometimes 🙂

  101. Here’s to living life “un-judged” 😉

    Love it!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Yes!! 😀

  102. If you’ve ever held yourself back from sharing about who you are or what you do — what was the specific fear or concern that stopped you?

    Hi Marie,
    Your videos are almost allways an eye-opener. You rock! 🙂

    #1 I need to remember that telling about my talents can help others.

    #2 Thinking to much about what others will say (bragging etc.) and thinking
    that what I have to say about myself might not be so interesting to others.

    Enjoy the day!

    Vera 🙂

  103. Melinda

    Always, and because of ridicule.

  104. I love this!! I am Canadian – so we can be a bit shy about promoting. I am in the network marketing industry where we cannot be shy about what we do. It’s a work in progress, but these words of wisdom help big! Thanks Marie xoxo

  105. Taryana

    I think focusing on what I can give is what I need to remember most, because it serves many purposes. On top of making self-promotion more natural it also helps me get over that “who am I to think I have something important to say” mentality. I sometimes need to remember that even if it’s all been done and said before, 7 billion people need several different voices to be able to identify with one or some of them.

  106. Thank you for this episode. I have a hard time with this subject. I feel like I’m bragging or being cocky. In reality, I’m just afraid about being judged. I will keep your words in mind and just be confident.

  107. Let’s call it sharing instead of self promotion.

  108. 1. If you’ve ever held yourself back from sharing about who you are or what you do — what was the specific fear or concern that stopped you? I have often been told I am too much, too loud etc. Sometimes I hold myself back because I don’t want people to think I am too bold. I’ve been working on this and when I am aware of it I’ve been asking myself “Why are you not speaking up?” THEN if it is appropriate timing and to my advantage I do speak up making sure what I am saying fits in the conversation and doesn’t derail everyone.

    When it comes to self-promotion — which idea from today’s show do you most need to remember and why? I keep working on trying to remember–my special contribution is what the world needs.

    Glenda

  109. I don’t seem to have problem with this in person, but I have the hardest time online! I’m always worried about bothering everyone else. Gah! Thanks for the video!

  110. Jenee

    I am terrified to tell anyone that I am a writer. My thought about me is that “I’m no Hemingway”. After several years not writing, totally DNS (did not start), I had a few attempts at a book that were DNF (did not finish). Finally, just this year, I sat down and committed to a certain number of words per day. Maybe someone would read this book, maybe no one ever would, but I knew (and still know) that this is my purpose. Now, I am about one week from finishing the book. Finishing scares me more than starting. Your email today was right on time, as I am considering sending some proposals out today, but I am afraid – SO afraid. I don’t want to be rejected or laughed out, and this book is my heart and soul on paper.

  111. Dan

    Great points. But I wonder if in addition to feeling shameful about self promotion, can you offer some points about feeling low confidence or worthy of the success that might come from self promotion.

  112. Great timing as always, Marie! This is exactly what I needed to hear!

    I used to be shameless about sharing what I did, because I was just in love with it so much! But, after repeating myself so much I started to feel like a broken record, which felt SUPER annoying. So, I stopped sharing. For me, I just need to be excited about what I do and not care what others think about it. 🙂 Even if I am super annoying! 😀

  113. First, I love Marie Forleo’s videos and interviews! Always inspired by her work.
    Being in the spiritual/visionary industry I have held myself back in the past for fear of my intention being misinterpreted as being either overly focused on making money (which I know I am not, but I am passionate about sharing my gifts with the world and earning a right livelihood) or coming off as egotistical.
    My big take-aways from today’s video is the question “Who are you living your life for?” and that is is a dis-service to not share your talents when they actually might be the very help someone else is seeking.
    Thank you Marie Forleo!

  114. Marie,

    I’m glad you said it was okay to plug yourself even if others find it annoying. I recently self published a book – Awakening to Love – with Balboa Press. I’m a new author and finally took the plunge to reach a goal. I’ve been so empowered by making this dream a reality, so I wanted to share it with everyone. Well, some people are so down on themselves and needed to lash out. They did it to me and I stopped talking about it.

    Your comments in the video showed me this is their problems and lessons to learn in life. They are not mine and I don’t need to hide my bright shining moment to please them. This is my time to help others and talking about my experiences in getting published has done that for my writing friends. I’m not going to stop because of a few negative nellys.

    Thank you once again for a brilliant video. 🙂

    Lisa Angelo – author of Awakening to Love

  115. This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Over the weekend I was ridiculed in front of a large group of people by a “friend”. She had issue with my promoting my business through Facebook and Instagram, in particular with my hashtag #AshleighApproved I felt so full of shame, as if what I was doing to market myself was inappropriate and well…shameful. I have grappled with this since Friday night and I now know that I can stand up with pride in knowing that I inspire a lot of people around the world and they love to know and see what I have to say. Thank You Marie for broaching this subject, for me it was perfect timing! HUGS!

  116. So timely! I’ve been promoting my book, Fat Girl, and have caught myself more times than not sharing the stories and bylines with a dismissive “shameless self promotion.” And I should know better! Thanks for the reminder. Those words will never cross my lips again.

  117. Thanks so much for this one, it’s so big!! I shared it with one of my clients who’s going through some major “freeze” on speaking about who he is and what he does with more conviction to create the life HE wants.

    What I personally got from this post…

    1. What used to hold me back was the fear of the “No” or “Who do you think you are?” – and I’ve come to realize that I CARE so much about what I’m creating in this world that I have to NOT care what others think. I know what my intentions are and if someone wants to question them that’s their story. I know where I’m going.

    2. “Who are you living your life for?” <— ME!! By living this way it invites more people into my life who are in alignment with themselves and with shared values, beliefs and dreams that we can co-create and enjoy together.

    Beautiful beautiful beautiful. Thank you again.

    Much love to the whole team!
    Karin

  118. Love your videos–so inspiring. Today’s resonates SO much with me. I struggle to find balance with self-promotion. A favorite quote of mine is “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there is still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”–Dita Von Teese. I think your video beautifully & boldly reminds us of this, as well. Thank you!

  119. Summer

    1. Yes, I have held back from self-promo-ing, because I’m afraid of people thinking I’m an obnoxious self-promoter….and I think they won’t be interested. Guess what? People sometimes think I’m obnoxious anyways-I am loud, and, yeah, loud. So that leads me to #2…

    2. I need to stop caring what others think! Now, I realize I need to not be purposefully obnoxious and loud, so I’ve got that.

    Thanks Marie!

  120. Marie, you always deliver. Thank you.
    You’re right, there is no shame in self-promotion.
    Don’t over do it but don’t listen to the Interweb goonies
    tell you how to do this and that when you are just going
    about your business honestly promoting.
    All the categorized styles of using social-media
    and why or why not you should take selfies, or use
    your Instagram or whatever are just ploys to get you
    to buy there services. Mostly! All of which you can learn
    online via good free business educating shows and classes.
    Creative Live has the real ad and business gurus everyday
    telling you more valuable information, mostly of which is just
    to be honest and not be redundant. Keep it fresh. We do want
    some kind of focus but sell, sell, sell is not the way to be.
    Curating a lifestyle and showing people who you are without
    showing to much detail is really what viewers want. Don’t get too obscure. For me, the choice to make my product comes from my entire belief system, upbringing and where I want my life to go from here out.
    I want to share that with the world and listening to opinion is just part of that experience. My experience tells me to take those opinions with a grain of salt. Know what’s valuable and integrate the good ideas into the growth and expansion of tomorrows choices.

    Between your videos and Creative Live, I have learned far more than I ever imagined and from super successful people. Advertising, artists, musicians, producers, makers/crafters etc.
    Thanks,
    Jay V.

  121. Oh I so needed to hear this today! I hold myself back more than I care to admit.

    I have bigger dreams than I am living right now and have the knowledge to move forward faster and the confidence that how I contribute back to this world can help many people, but I often hold myself back and build slowly because of the voices in my head from others over the years. I have been told that I just go out there and do stuff and that is not normal or that my expectations are too high or to be careful to not be too bold. All of the comments come from those who wish they could do more, I know it is a mirror to their lives, so I try to utilize your tip number two – care less.

    This morning I woke up saying- screw it, be your bold self, there are people who can benefit, stop thinking it has to be slow. Then I opened my inbox — your video was another great confirmation.

    Thanks for making online such a heartwarming place~

  122. Hi Marie.. I really needed to hear this today.. I have been trying to talk myself into making a blog and some videos to go with it, along with the Facebook page to corresponde with the other part, but I am going on 5 months and I am the type of person who has a very large block in my mind when it comes to not being sure if I can make 100% on my projects, or I either give up when it’s hard, or I just don’t try. But this blog is the first idea I really see as a useful contribution to at least some people, and I get very frustrated with the tech issues of my mac, but I don’t want to give up.. I just don’t know what it takes to get it all up and then to actually feel confident that anybody I try to sell my story and experience with, isn’t going to care. But I don’t have the money to hire a professional and I have seen others that swear by that in blog development. So I am telling myself that I will just figure it out. But I am not much closer to the goal than 5 months ago. Thanks for your chanel and for listening.

  123. Sherry

    About a month ago I went to my first Chamber of Commerce luncheon to see if that was something I should join, as a budding freelance web designer. Just chatting with the other women at the table before the meal, I found myself SO self-conscious about talking about myself, what I do, etc. In fact, none of us talked about our businesses until a real estate agent joined our table and immediately started passing out her business cards and introducing herself.

    You’d think it was a brazen act, but in truth I was grateful to her for being so bold because she broke the proverbial ice for all the rest of us. All the other women at the table straightened up, as if they suddenly thought to themselves, “Oh. It’s okay for me to talk about my business,” and we all started pulling out our business cards and passing them to each other. What was great about it too was that it started a wonderful conversation about each person’s work, what they do, where they do it, why, and how they came to do the work they do. We all relaxed a little and got more comfortable talking about ourselves, and listening to the others do the same. It wasn’t bragging, it was just talking. We had a good conversation.

    I don’t know why it’s so difficult to “own” what we do without feeling like we’re bragging or being self-important. Why can’t we simply stand there and say, “Yes, I’m a web designer. (Or a writer. Or a hotel manager. Or a dance instructor. Or a teacher. Or whatever!) That’s what I do.” The end. There should be no shame in that. We’re not bragging, we’re just opening up.

    Sometimes people do behave arrogantly, with great self-importance, even pushing people to think, “Wow, is that guy an asshole or what?” (*GRIN*) You can tell they’re not talking about their business to offer something that may help others; sometimes they do seem like they care more about the sound of their own voices, not sharing. That’s when I think it’s more “shameless self-promotion,” because they care more about talking about themselves and trying to sell the other person something, often in a pushy over-the-top way, and they don’t seem to care about whether the other person even has a need for what they’re selling. It becomes like the proverbial used car salesman, pushing pushing pushing, not hearing the customer say, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m here for something else.”

    However, when the promoter is coming from a place of listening and sharing, not being pushy, sometimes I wonder if the people who balk at those who stand up and find the courage to promote themselves are actually a little jealous because they have something *they* have always wanted to do but haven’t found the courage to even TRY to go for it like the promoter has. Instead of following the promoter’s fine example, they talk themselves out of it, like “Oh well, it’s too hard anyway, I’d probably never be able to make money doing it, or someone else already does it better…” So they immediately bristle at seeing anyone else going for it in their own lives and they push back against it, accusing the promoter of being shameless, as if the promoter is doing something wrong or offensive when they’re really not.

    I struggle with this topic a lot — I wonder if it’s a generational thing, that we learn this from our mothers, who learned it from their mothers, and all down the line, that women should contain themselves, be quiet, be demure and self-effacing when it comes to their own talents, abilities, and worth as individuals.

    My own fears? That talking about myself in any way will make me sound like I’m bragging or like I’m a big-headed person who only cares about herself and money rather than other people. I’ve definitely hesitated to share things about myself because I didn’t want to seem self-important.

    Also sometimes I’ve been in situations where the people around me were talking very negatively (and cynically) about their lives, as if “that’s life” and nothing will ever change so why try. Like “regular people” just don’t do that. In that environment I felt like I couldn’t share what I was doing for myself as a hobby or with my new business because they all seemed so unhappy and cynical and I’m not feeling that way in my new job or with my personal hobbies. I was afraid they would respond negatively and try to harsh my buzz, so to speak. So in those situations I often don’t speak up. I feel too self-conscious, like they’ll think I’m being a jerk or showing off or being condescending.

    My life is uncertain, that’s for sure; there’s a lot of stuff I’m trying to fix from mistakes made over the years and fears holding me back. I’ve often allowed fears to keep me from believing in myself, taking care of myself or keep me from even trying. But I don’t want to live the rest of my life that way, now that I’m seeing fear as a pattern. I don’t know if I’ll be successful with web design, but I want to keep TRYING to make my life better, in that way and in all ways, even if it takes my entire life to get there.

    Which points in Marie’s video resonate most? Well, the first one is certainly one I’ve experienced — I’ve found that when I do have the courage to say proudly what I do, the people I’m talking to will often say, “Oh! I know someone who might need a website made! You should talk to my cousin/father/sister/etc.” Which might not always end up in me getting a new client, but it’s gratifying to know that I put it out there and it might end up coming back to me at some point when the person actually needs a web designer and remembers, “Oh yeah, I think I know someone… I met a designer named Sherry at that party, maybe she can help me!” You just never know. (And what’s that saying? You’ll never know if you don’t speak up.)

    I think point #2 – Stop Caring – is a big one for me. I’ve spent a long part of my life (certainly all my school years and my 20’s and beyond) worrying too much about what other people will think of me, if they’ll think I’m annoying, horrible, not a good person, not good enough, etc. So I need to embrace the idea that some people aren’t going to like me, and sometimes it won’t matter what I do, it’s just going to be a fact. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have worth AT ALL, just because SOME people don’t like or relate to me. That’s one of the big issues for me, that if one person doesn’t like me, that must mean I’m not good enough.

    And my one of biggest fears is Marie’s point #3, that I’ll sound like a broken record, talking about myself. I know I’ve done that sometimes (repeated myself too much) and other times I’ve FELT like I was doing it even if I wasn’t doing it, because I’m so self-conscious about it. Even just writing this lengthy post, I feel an inner negative voice saying, “Why are you talking so much? Do you really think anyone cares what you have to say? You sound so self-absorbed. You’re horrible and selfish.”

    I’m so afraid that I’ll SOUND like I’m going on and on about myself that I’ve forgotten that expressing myself or just saying one or two things about my business doesn’t equal complete and utter self-absorption. It’s like I need to teach myself balance about it — that I don’t need to go to extremes of talking about myself too much, or clamming up and saying nothing out of fear of the other. It’s okay to find a happy medium in between where I simply state who I am and/or what I do, no pressure, no excessive bragging, just simply talking and listening and sharing. The other person can respond to it with interest, or not, and we can move on to talking about something else.

    Yikes! Sorry for the extra-long post! See? I’m paranoid and embarrassed that it will look like I’m self-absorbed when in actuality I think Marie’s video stirred up a lot of thoughts. (That, I’m not sorry for. I love Marie’s videos! They’re always so helpful and thought-provoking and I look forward to them every Tuesday.) 😀

    • Jennifer

      No, no, no. No apologizing. You have thoughts that are valid and that need to be expressed. You needed to say everything that you said and I needed to read everything that you said. Really. My epiphany was this: “Self-importance. That’s been twisted around, hasn’t it. I am important to myself. I care about what matters to me and that’s ok. I don’t have to please anyone else.” And THAT is quite the revelation.

      • Sherry

        Jennifer, thank you for your kind words. There’s really such a lesson in what you said, that we — all of us — have valid thoughts and overall self that it’s okay to express, and we don’t need to apologize for it!

        I feel like I’ve spent a large portion of my life apologizing for myself, my abilities, almost everything about myself, as if it it’s wrong to have any sort of talent or strength or power or opinion. As if having any of those things means I’m showing off or being offensive to others. But in diminishing myself, I’ve stopped taking care of myself or allowing myself to have *any* importance, and that is so wrong.

        Like you said, “I am important to myself. I care about what matters to me and that’s ok. I DON’T HAVE TO PLEASE ANYONE ELSE.” That’s a big one for me. I shouldn’t live my life to please others and their expectations. I’m learning that my own expectations may be different, and that’s okay to explore. I don’t need anyone’s permission. There’s nothing wrong with me for trying a different path in life.

        *big exhale* This is something I continue to work on! And I thank you so much for reaching out and reminding me to stop apologizing for myself. I hope you continue to have amazing, mind-blowing revelations that enrich your own life. 🙂

        All the best to you, Jennifer.

  124. Sheila

    Hi Marie!
    Thank you so much for YOUR self-promotion!! Because of you, I’m creating a business and life I love! Ok… Chill on the exclamation points… Seriously though, I’m learning to be a life coach and overcoming some shizz about not feeling like an expert thusly, shouldn’t say I have anything to ofer…yada yada. I learned not to brag as a kid cuz “nobody likes a brag” and “pride goeth before a fall”…etc!
    Well, I’ve had it with caring what people think! I’m doing this! Woot!!! I don’t care how many exclamation points it takes!!! Yes!
    Thanks so much!! Have a fabulous day!
    Sheila D. Hicks (soon to be Morgan…sigh)

  125. Love this so much! I used to be a dancer, and I would always mess up auditions for myself (aka not get noticed) because I didn’t want to be perceived as too cocky. I might have seemed humble, but I was humble on the sidelines, watching my friends win awards and make auditions. So I think, even though I don’t dance anymore, I could still work on not caring what other people think.
    Great video! Thanks, for sharing!
    xx Lane

  126. Amy

    This was so good and so relevant to me. I’ve been holding back recently from sharing about my products and classes because I received criticism for charging for these things. Even though, that same week, several other people, expressed gratitude and appreciation for me sharing about these same products, I pulled back. This was a fabulous post. I loved point two, that there are already people who don’t like me or find me annoying. It made me laugh and helped me let go. The goal shouldn’t be not to offend, the goal should be to share what I have to offer. I also loved point 3: Don’t be a broken record, talk about other things too, and take interest in others. Thanks for a relevant and encouraging episode.

  127. Jenny Brewer

    I’m an awesome nutritionist but for years, I held back tooting my horn for fear people would judge me for not being skinny.

    How ironic that it was this belief holding me back since part of my purpose here is to help women love their bodies unconditionally.

    Thanks for this great episode, Marie and Team!
    ~Jenny

  128. Hi Marie! Great video! In Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory I remember telling my Dad that I have a crush on Violet, who was constantly telling stories, bragging, and chewing gum as she took the spotlight in front of a news camera. I said, “Wow, she’s neat!”. My Dad said, “You would, wouldn’t you? Bragging is totally annoying. You’re probably the only one who likes it. She’s supposed to be an example that bragging is bad. Don’t be a bragger!”. Of course later she turned into a giant blueberry for trying something new. I used to think there was something wrong with me for liking her, but after this video I decided she really is neat. Thanks Marie!

  129. Tina O

    I have yet been able to self promote. I quit a job 2 months ago to really put time into finding practices to partner with helping people find peace, health and happiness. I have the experience and the tools to be able to assist people in attaining their goals. I just have not gotten up the nerve to take myself into these practices I have identified as a potential good fit. I get stuck with thinking…..”they may already have someone doing what I am offering”…..

    The piece of this video that really got me was to think of self promotion as being of service to those who may be in need.

    Thanks Marie, needed his message today!

  130. YES! I struggle with this all the time… I know I’m passionate and people could use the info I provide, but at the same time, I don’t necessarily want to be ‘defined’ by what I ‘do’ for a living. There’s just more to me than that…. Also – I don’t want to come off as a “know-it-all” or offend people who assume I think my stink don’t stink, since I choose to live a healthier lifestyle than most.

    Because I’m sharing ways of keeping clean living and eating fun, simplified & attainable for all – I think people assume I’m judging THEM when they don’t elect to make healthier choices.

    Therefore – Me thinks me needs to take that whole “stop caring what they think” and RUN with it! I don’t typically care how they judge ME – but I do struggle with a sense of their feeling as though THEY’RE potentially being judged by me. *I simply have to remember if they have guilt or shame around their lifestyle choices, that shouldn’t be a reflection on me. It’s a reflection on them. They have to make the choice to make change if that’s what they want to do – and I can be there to help them in that process!

  131. Caryn

    Thanks so much for this one Marie and co!
    I JUST got back from a meeting with a friend about this very thing this morning! My friend is so fantastic that she approached me honestly, and told me my social media presence wasn’t doing my work justice– could she help? Well, YEAH! We talked a lot about exactly what’s being discussed here, and the more I talked with her about my work, the more she said “THAT! That’s what you need to be posting!” Guess the universe is letting me know THIS IS IMPORTANT.
    I’m currently held back by feeling that my website should be more improved before promoting myself– that if people are interested in my work, they should be see it in its best light. Sadly, that just means I’m not allowing folks to see my work at all. Foolish at best, right?
    I loved the reminder that not everyone loves me right now, so why worry about them? Besides, the more I self promote, the more people will find me, and they at least some of those people will be smart enough to recognize my talent!
    Thanks for the fantastically timely episode. (And hey Universe. I’m listening, and I’m on it.)
    Best,
    Caryn

  132. Hi Marie

    I had a strange thing happen after watching today’s show, I had a panic attack! Was that a surprise.

    Just before I watched your show, I was working on my Plan for Clarity and Focus for my business. So, I’m trying to understand the connection between what I was working on and your key points.

    To respond to your request:
    1.On many occasions I have done a poor job of promoting myself. I vacillate between being able to easily share who I am and what I do and not. I think it keys off of the probability of criticism by a ‘parental’ figure.

    2. Self promotion equals service. I am active with Rotary International where “Service before self” is a motivating belief. So, your point really resonated with me.

    Now, off to try and figure out the panic attack. ~8-}

    With love, Michael

  133. Right on Marie! Totally agree that fear holds us back from speaking about ourselves, truly celebrating our milestones and the value that we bring to the people around us. Love your encouragement in reframing this self limiting belief around “selling yourself”.

    I dare say……WE ARE ALL IN SALES.

    I truly believe it. We are always selling who we are and why it matters. I started my career in pharma sales and had to quickly get comfortable promoting products so when I shifted into entrepreneurship, it should have felt smoother to sell myself as the product right? Oh, it took some time to get used to. Reframing to understand that my value is bigger than just me helped a lot. I’d like to say that I’m owning it more everyday. In fact, I’m on a mission to inspire others to own their inner salesperson too. ( I just gave a TEDx talk in Switzerland on this very topic! ‘How to save your life in 60sec’ – in case it can inspire even one more person to own their awesomeness.)

    Thanks for owning your awesomeness Marie!
    Tania

  134. Marie – first off, I am LOVING the jumpsuits. Seriously, you are rockin it lady.

    Secondly – I LOVE this video! In all of my online courses I have the ladies share their wins or what I call “magic” and we all celebrate with them. Currently in one of my groups the ladies are posting their claims of greatness, and again we are all cheering them on supporting them as they do.

    I learned this from Mama Gena (inspired by her brags practice) and I love it so much. Imagine a world where everyone stands in their power and loves on themselves while also cheering on those around them. Beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing this powerful and important message!
    XoHeather

  135. I really needed to hear this. I’m a freelance writer and recently helped write/edit a leadership book for a client. It’s called “The Disciplined Leader,” and I really believe it offers tons of inspiration and solid wisdom for business leaders. It’s getting great reviews on Amazon, etc., however, I’ve struggled with promoting the news, even among friends, for goodness sakes! It may have to do with the fact that I grew up in a family that didn’t put a lot of emphasis on praise but more on criticism. At any rate, when I do something good, I always worry about sharing it, thinking people will find it’s not that great or that I am being annoying, just as you mentioned. I like the fact you told us/me people already do find us/me annoying and to get over it and move forward. I also love the idea that I’m stealing from those who need me…I just need to find the people who need me, can appreciate the value I bring, and who don’t mind paying for it! (The latter part seems to be a challenge at times.) At any rate, I’ll just keep believing. And, I try to take small steps to self-promote every day, doing self-promotional things that are out of my comfort zone even if it’s just a little bit. Lots of little steps add up eventually to something. Finally, I recently wrote about this very topic for a national publication and used a similar headline as yours. I just need to follow my own advice – easier said then done!

  136. This hit home. Born and raised in Sweden, (the land of the non-self promoters) I had a tough time telling others what I did. My husband said to tell everyone but my family. He knew I would quickly be put in my place by the who-does-she-think-she-is crowd. I did not listen to my husband. He was right.

    In spite of this, I started promoting myself in small steps. First I told myself out loud what I do for a living. I had a hard time selling the idea to myself first without having feelings of doubt fogging up my mind. I stood in front of the mirror repeating the same phrase over and over again. What sounded unnatural at first soon felt empowering. Then I began to inform others. Informing is easier than promoting. I tell people what I do and then I let the information hover. My problem is that I talk too much, so I have learned to just say what I have to say and then let the information soak in. If they want more information they will ask. Since I provide a support service for parents I want to be careful not to come on too strong since this could be interpreted as me critiquing another parent or hinting that the person might need help. So timing is everything.

    This self-promoting stuff is tough but your idea that people might not like you anyway, so what is the harm of self-promoting was so incredibly liberating to me. What a freeing thought!!! Thank you Marie!

  137. Lenka

    This episode was so true and so very helpful! I come from Czech republic and as a country with communistic history and history full of domination of other countries we generally are not confident and don’t often know our own worth or worth of our knowledge and skills…
    In my case I tend to be quiet when it comes to my area of interest and knowledge (plant based nutrition) as I think that I would make other people feel bad, uncomfortable or make them to judge me. I am afraid that they wouldn’t find me valuable enough since I know what the general thinking out there is about this type of lifestyle. But OMG I have so much I could share with others..
    After the missed opportunity for expressing myself I often feel angry that not only I could have done something good for my own benefit but more importantly for the environment and the whole planet, therefore for everyone….
    I wish I stopped caring about others what they think, whether they like me and what opinion they have about me and just say freely what I think and believe in. I have been trying to work on that but there is still a looong journey ahead..

    Thank you so much for all the work you do. It is so encouraging and inspirational in every aspect.
    XX

  138. As a highly sensitive person, I found networking events really challenging. It seems all I could pick up was people’s “how can I get, get, get” vibe. Perhaps it was a mirror of what I thought these events were for and couldn’t stand the inauthenticity it asked of me as well. So I avoided them. What I get most out of today’s video is that if I can reframe that and go to such an event with “what can I give? how can I serve?”, then I might be able to approach talking about my intuitive art & inspiration business more openly and listen more lovingly. Then talking about what I do won’t seem so “in your face”. Thanks Marie & team!

  139. Hey Marie,

    Your videos are very helpful!

    I have a hard time letting people know what i do for fear of them thinking I view my self better then them. It is a huge fear of mine, preventing me from letting people know what I do.

    How do you stop caring what people think?

    Thanks for all your videos.

    Elissa.

  140. As a fellow Aussie you are correct in saying this isn’t an ‘Australian’ behaviour. My gut feeling is maybe Victoria is self- promoting to the same crowd and that’s why she feels uneasy.

    Is she just self-promoting with family and friends, if so then queue up the broken record analogy.

    When feeing uneasy about self promotion I’d ask, is this person in my target audience? If so, then as you say Marie, it is your duty to communicate your offer. If this person isn’t in you target audience then perhaps they are not interested anyway, so save your pitch for someone else.

  141. I LOVED the bit about “they are already judging you, they already don’t like you” and the funeral thing – priceless- I roared with laughter. You are sooo… right – how can we make a difference if we don’t DISTURB anyone! Such a derrrr… moment – I have just dropped that one. So thanks Marie!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      LOVE it, Jenny.

  142. To ALL eyes that see, read and hear this. What a great question. Marie, as usual ur answers were ON POINT! “If you don’t, who will?” is something you can add to that.
    MusicLuv,
    The SC.

  143. On countless occasions at social events and with old friends I held back on my new career. It wasn’t until recently Spring 2015 that I took a good look at where I was in the career I was pursuing and where I wanted to go. With the encouragement of a social networking group I joined years ago. I decided to do self promotion and finally get a business card.

    The concern that stopped me was being judged. I promoted myself as free and open to new ideas but when it came to discussing my real passion as a Erotic Romance Author I felt embarrassed.

    The idea I need to remember is who cares. Marie is right if someone is going to dislike you that’s on them; you cannot and will not ever control them. The only thing I can control is how I choose to act and feel.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Amen to that, Mercedes — love that last line.

  144. I have a clear memory of thoughts in my mind from childhood that I could not let anyone know the “real” me, because then they would not like me. So I was building a shell. The result: some people interpreted me as being a snob, because I didn’t talk to them. I see now that it was being invisible that made them NOT like me. It is such a relief to accept what IS – people already don’t like me, judge me, and find me annoying. Hooray, I have nothing left to fear

  145. Hey, Marie!

    I was just thinking just about the same thing last night as I was writing my first Biz Tip Tuesday post for an Instagram post for a hashtag challenge I started in June with a friend call #bonafidebossladies. I’m also launching my new biz next week and am using my own challenge to help promote me too. 🙂

    This just came out first and without even thinking about it much, because I think it’s stops so many women cold in their tracks. It used to stop me too, until the proverbial light bulb went off! Here is what I said:

    “Put yourself out there! Dont think of it as “Oh, no! What will they think of me? What if they don’t like me? What if I bomb?”

    Reframe it.

    Think of it as you are helping them. Who doesn’t like someone who is helping them? Nobody ever bombs when they are helping someone!

    Really.

    So, my dream client . . . how can I help you today? ♡

    xoxoxo
    Nancy

  146. First time comment from Italy 😀

    Do you know what people here say when “promoting” self-promoting?

    Let’s do like the Americans, they say “I’m the best!” they don’t wait others to say it for them.

    However, local culture reminds:

    Italian Saying “Chi si loda s’imbroda”
    English translation: He who praises himself befouls himself

    Solution?

    Well Marie has already predicted it!

    Say it, believe it….BUT….

    don’t make people “dizzy” by repeating it on every occasion (like it! Thumbs up!)

    Riddle: What would Marie Forleo reply if you said “Marie you are the best?”

    We hear this over and over again, yet we don’t get bored because we KNOW it’s TRUE! She actually gives!

    Answer to the Riddle:

    Marie replies smiling (that “special half face smile that “only she has”):
    “I know, I know…”

    P.S. Love reading all your comments, though I hesitate interacting, kind of a lazy rather than a “lurker”, as one person here in the discussion board once said, Tuesday appointment with Marie is a special treat!

    Fauzia

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Fauzia, we love being your Tuesday appointment and special treat! And thank YOU for your fist comment here on the blog. 🙂

  147. Karlo Bello

    Hello, I loved this video, it has already freed me up to post freely on instagram, speak openly about what I want to do, etc. my main fear about selling myself is certainly fear of being found out that I’m not actually talented or have good taste…and fear of criticism. I’ve been wanting to pursue creating a fashion line, and as a textile designer I’ve always felt like if I were to tell someone that, I would immediately have the rug pulled from under me. Like someone might say, it’s already been done. My ego comes in and says if you tell people they are going to try to give you advice and make you feel smaller then them, so I’d just throw the idea away completely. I’ve wasted a lot of time thinking this way.

  148. I needed this episode right now!

    As for the challenge:

    1. Recently I was on vacation in Mexico and met another entrepreneur couple. When they asked me more about what I did I felt really confident saying “I’m a writer” but mumbled “I’m a Life Coach” which is the main part of my business. I think the fear that stopped me was that it sounded too generic or common and boring. I’ve heard people tell me ‘everyone these days says they’re a life coach’ or even ‘isn’t it kind of cocky to be a life coach?’ I know I’m good at what I do and back it up but sometimes wish I had a different way to say it.

    2. I most need to remember that there might be just that right person who is looking for what you have to share (or who’s sister needs it). There are many times where I’m so happy I met someone because their business was exactly what I needed, and having that personal connection made it more easy for me to hire them. I have to remember the same goes when looking for a coach, too!

    xo
    Alexis

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, Alexis — that’s SUCH a great thought to hold onto, and so true. You never know who may be right in front of you, needing just what you have to offer.

  149. This is awesome Marie… As a true Australian I have been reluctant to ever even post a facebook status. I have started to notice recently the HUGE response I get when I have started to take a stand or share some things about what I’m doing on my fb status (I work in sexuality). I get so much encouragement and people private messaging me to ask me more personal questions or tell me they so appreciate my message. I just need to keep doing it – however currently, I usually only post something when I’m feeling super amazing. But I’m aware of it and practicing. I totally agree, it is kind of selfish not to share what I’m offering/ doing.
    Awesome message Marie, I absolutely love your videos – I make sure I watch them every week. There are always such gems inside 🙂
    Alexandria x

  150. I remember the “stealing” quote from B-school and I put it up on my wall as I’m not a natural promoter.

    I have a unique product (beautiful clothes for the busty bosslady. Yep, as in big boobs) for a niche market who may not even know I have their MUCH needed solution. (morefrontroom.com)

    I hold back because I’m afraid of being judged, especially in “fashion” as I’m a finance geek. If the fashion police ask for my credentials, I’m screwed 🙂

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      No fashion police here 😉

      So glad you have that quote up on the wall as a reminder!

  151. Cholena

    Another great episode- thank you. The Australian culture has what is known as “Tall Poppy Syndrome” it’s when you cut people down because they start to get proud of their accomplishments.

    It is something that I would like to help stop!!

  152. Charlene

    I do not self promote. I feel stupid, do not know what to say. I self doubt a lot like I am begging for attentio .

    Today, the Stop Caring is the one I need to focus on. I need to self promote and keep the conversation flowing to the next topic. I really need to practice. I need to come up with my 30 second commercial ending with topic change. Practice so that it is natural and not full of awkward silence.

  153. Ive struggled with this for so long. I wouldn’t even share much on my personal Facebook page for a long time.
    I have learnt (unfortunately slowly) that I have to put my self out there to make a difference. I am still working on this every day. Im a perfectionist and that is also a challenge to get work out.
    Ive just started a You Tube channel and its the hardest thing to post there too! But I’ve put up 2 videos now! baby steps he he
    Thanks so much for this Q&A – its helped me as its my constant thing to work on.
    xxx

    • Like you, it’s mostly been my personal page that I’ve historically struggled with the most. I’ve been making a conscious effort to stop that lately!

      So glad that you are taking baby steps – they’ll add up soooo quickly!!!

  154. What a great question and answer, thank you both. It has brought up a few issues!

    Although I’m usually a gently confident person, I physically recoil when that question is asked, “So, what do you do?”

    My whole body closes in, I grasp my hands in embarrassment, lower my eyes and inwardly think “shiiiiiiiiiiiiit – I’m gonna get found out that I’m a fraud.”

    It should be easy to stand proud and say loud, “I’m a freelance writer and author – boom!” But I worry about what other people will think (what gives you the right to believe you can write anything worthwhile?)

    I think the main problem with my ‘shameless self promotion’ issue is my own personal thoughts about myself.

    “If I don’t believe in myself, why on earth will anybody else?”

    So for those who are struggling with selling themselves to others, perhaps we need to sell ourselves ‘to’ ourselves first! Once we have the belief in our own abilities and have got rid of the myths and worries about other’s concerns, then we aren’t even self promoting – we’re just sharing actual real life facts!

    Thank you Marie, as always x

    • Sherry

      “It should be easy to stand proud and say loud, “I’m a freelance writer and author – boom!” But I worry about what other people will think (what gives you the right to believe you can write anything worthwhile?)”

      It’s so funny, Angharad — when I read that statement about what you do, my first thought was not “Who does she think she is, believing she can write anything worthwhile?” Instead, my first thought was: “How cool! What types of things do you write?”

      I have no doubt there are some people out there who would prefer to be negative and try to pull people down because then they don’t have to accept responsibility for their own unhappiness. If they stop other people from trying in life, that means they don’t have to try in their own life, you know?

      But the majority of the time — for me, at least, it would seem — we are our own negative feedback. We imagine people will say these horrible things, and we build up those inner fears until they overtake us and fill us with self-doubt or even self-loathing. But those people may not ever think or say those things, and we’ve wasted all that time worrying that they’ll say something that they never say, you know what I mean?

      I’m hugely guilty of that. I’ve spent my life worrying about what other people *might* say. I think it’s held me back from diving in and trying a lot of things. Because of so much fear.

      So I love what you say about learning to “sell ourselves ‘to’ ourselves first. Once we have the belief in our own abilities and have got rid of the myths and worries about other’s concerns, then we aren’t even self promoting — we’re just sharing actual real life facts!”

      YES. Absolutely. So well said and something I need to take to heart. Thank you for saying it so astutely.

      🙂

  155. Q1. Yes! Fear of judgement.

    Q2: Stop caring what others think! Some people are not going to like you anyway.

    Marie, I LOVE your outfit today. Awesome color blue.

    Keep Shining

    Love!
    Wendy

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Wendy!

  156. Oh my, another fantastic video. This is something I’ve been working consciously on lately – and it’s funny how often people actually celebrate with you when you do speak up about your ‘wins’ and gifts. Bookmarking this one to share with clients who also struggle with self-promotion. Thank you, Marie and team.

  157. Dear Marie,

    What a fantastic topic. The moment i read the title , i said to myself , yea easy for her to say , Americans are brought up to be outspoken, baggy and
    loud. So that’s easy for her , where as we Asians especially women , have to thread self promotion with extra care. But when i discovered that the question came from Australia, i thought – Hmmm Victoria feels the same way too ? Hmm so i need to stop thinking this way.

    So answer to Q1 – i fear that others might think i’m proud or i’m to good to be in their company. Plus, if we are already doing something good, then they will hear it from other means, friends , families, media exposure etc.

    Q2 – Importance of having variety in our conversation. To mix it up kids, work, hobby to appear versatile.

    Ok , additional Q for you. So if we should self promote , how do we do it
    without sounding like we are boosting about ourselves ? Any tips ? Adjectives that we should use and avoid ?

    Hope to hear from you.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      The best way to promote yourself without people thinking you’re only talking about yourself and what you do is to offer genuine value. So, for example, if you have a health coaching business, you may lead a free workshop on the best exercises for overweight people who are afraid strenuous exercise might lead to injury. Or if you wanted to promote a goal-setting workshop you’re doing, you could give people some time management tips for free. Things like this are great ways to add value while still promoting what you do and showing your audience that you really know your stuff.

  158. I love it and it’s like you are talking directly to me, I will remove the shame and start the needed action thank you and God bless you

  159. Thanks Marie!

    This is super important as I start to work more and more with the media!

    1) I’ve felt uncomfortable about sharing what I do because I was scared of people feeling judged or less caring because I am very driven to make healthcare and wellness resources available to everyone on the planet – Passionate self promotion: I’ve just started a free-to-use worldwide community wellness collective called PricelessVitality.org, we deliver innovative ways to share and receive anything that can give peoples health a boost. From doctors, to healthy food, to help around the house – whatever it takes to nourish sustainable smiles.

    In looking at this fear I totally see that it’s my stuff and I that without a good chat It’s hard to begin to fathom the content or reasoning behind what anyone else is experiencing. I know when we talk that the only thing that feels natural is when it’s present + caring + fluid without trying to “make it” anything in particular. If not the least I can do is to fully open to being who I am, serve with what I have and love everyone else for their unique brilliance too.

    2) Most of your ideas from today hit on the same issue. I need to stand in my fullest service and share all I have to share. Anything else would be hiding behind my ego and mental stories that support it.

    Thank you!
    Ian.

  160. Marie, You are too too funny and so so great.

    I think I do a good job talking about what I do, but what stops me is when I don’t have a business card on hand. It’s so embarassing. Thank you again for you wonderful videos!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Oh, yeah. Business cards are definitely important. Order some eye-catching ones and keep them in your purse, so when you meet people on the go, you can just whip one out!

  161. Cathy

    Hi Marie

    Loved your video today. In Ireland self promotion is definitely not the done thing, we tend to conduct ourselves through humor or self criticize rather than self promote.

    What you think of me is none of my business. So lesson 1 is stop allowing the opinions of others dictate my life.

    Lesson 2 is to re-frame, who can I help today or how many people can I help today.

    Thank you for the light bulb moment. (Cant believe I am actually posting my comment).

  162. Carrie

    All-time favorite episode! Can’t express how timely and meaningful this video’s message was for me. Once again, thank you Marie!

  163. I am often accused of ‘Shameless Self Promotion’ because much of what I do is covered in the media. It happens that much of what I do as an entrepreneur, engaged member of society, risk taker, activist, volunteer and an over-all generous person who gives a shit while being very stylish, happens to be interesting to the media and people who consume it. I do what I do because I love it. I talk about the things that excite me because they excite me. When you are excited, you tend also to be exciting. When you go out and do the things you talk about instead of just talking about them, people notice. All media are constantly looking for new personalities and stories. If what you do is interesting to others and you are willing to share, you will be noticed. There is no shame in that. There is shame in telling everyone you are amazing without showing them that you really are.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      PREACH. This is so true. I’ve also noticed that people who call others “shameless self-promoters” are sometimes just jealous because they themselves don’t have anything cool to promote.

  164. Mireya Wessolossky

    Excellent points, love it

  165. Oh boy, have I ever done this (still do)…love, Love, LOVE acting and love sharing it, listening and making people think, laugh or feel. I am quite bashful talking about it because I don’t feel I am good enough and for fear of peeps talking down on what I love to do and then I feel a need to defend myself. I do make a pretty large effort to challenge this self conscious, not good enought feeling and talk anyways, but I still feel I sell myself short.

    Biggest takeaway is self-promotion as a service to others, just never know when somebody is waiting for the inspiration and I may be the one to share that with them in the moment and missing that is just sad, for both of us! The secondary one is ‘who am I living for.’ This is huge for me and I have been moving that energy out (living for the sake of belonging or being “good”) more and more lately and bringing up my soul light to share. Thanks so much for this vid post today 🙂 ~mary

  166. Julie K

    This was my favorite video of yours yet! Thank you. I have an interview next week, and displaying confidence has been my main “coaching opportunity.” I have many licenses and lots of experience, but because I’m younger (in my twenties), I assume people won’t want my help. Your statement about how the world needs to know about what I can offer to them and how I’m potentially doing them a disservice by not sharing how I can help, really hit home. I needed to hear this today. Perfect timing! God bless your services. Thank you.

  167. I like to talk about what I do when there is a context. My fear about self promotion is that I have to repeat for people to have a chance to hear it, and becomes cheesy.

    I have to remember not to care about judgement, because it’s not healthy.

    Thanks again, Marie!

  168. Marie – this is an amazing video. I love all of your points ESPECIALLY what you said about “where do we learn that self-promotion is shameful?”. SO TRUE. <3

  169. Sheva Ray

    My God, thank you so much for speaking on this topic Marie. I needed to hear this BIG TIME. For me the fear of promoting myself flows in and like a tide. There are times when I’m on fire and feeling fearless, but other times I feel sick to my stomach at just the thought of it.

    And I couldn’t help but laugh at myself when you said, “people already don’t like you, people already judge you, and people already find you annoying,” because this is so true. It me think about how you can positively influence someone even being annoying as all get out. There are a number of people I follow on social media who annoy the heck out of me, but I keep up with them because of the valuable content they share. And other times, I inspired because of how brave they are and/or with their commitment to excellence.

    That said, what you’ve shared here has me thinking, “Hey maybe being annoying isnt so bad afterward.” Thanks a lot of this “Aha!” moment Marie. And double special thanks for creating B-School. Just went through it this year, and it is having a tremendously affect on my confidence and overall personal and business sense. (((HUGS))).

  170. Sheva Ray

    My God, thank you so much for speaking on this topic Marie. I needed to hear this BIG TIME. For me the fear of promoting myself flows in and like a tide. There are times when I’m on fire and feeling fearless, but other times I feel sick to my stomach at just the thought of it.

    And I couldn’t help but laugh when you said, “people already don’t like you, people already judge you, and people already find you annoying,” because this is so true. It made me think about how you can positively influence someone even being annoying as all get out. There are a number of people I follow on social media who annoy the heck out of me, but I keep up with them because of the valuable content they share. And other times, I’m inspired because of how brave they are and/or with their commitment to excellence.

    That said, what you’ve shared here has me thinking, “Hey maybe being annoying isn’t so bad after all.” Thanks a lot of this “Aha!” moment Marie. And double special thanks for creating B-School. Just went through it this year, and it is having a tremendous affect on my confidence and overall personal and business sense. (((HUGS))).

  171. Totally agree! But we in Australia do have to deal with the Tall Poppy Syndrome which is very heavily engrained in our culture – and which is why a lot of Australians are worried about self promoting! Just saying! 🙂

    • Sherry

      What is “Tall Poppy Syndrome,” Maria? (If I may ask?)

      🙂

  172. Hi Marie
    New to your show and enjoying your stuff.
    I totally know where Victoria is coming from. Being just across the ditch from Oz, I believe it is even more so prevalent here in NZ. Here it is like a culture. I think the idea that is shameful stems from upbringing. Perception is that self promo is so not cool but that humility is godly.
    Like the “service to others” comment aswell as “who are you living your life for” Fro me the key that you allude to is not to be self absorbed.

    When it comes to self-promotion — which idea from today’s show do you most need to remember and why?

  173. “What you can give versus what you can get” – Marie, how did you find out what you uniquely have to give the world? What kinds of questions can I ask myself or others to help clarify what that is and put it into words? The voices have shamed us and made it all too easy to believe the lie that we are not worth promoting, and have nothing special to offer, but what do you recommend for getting underneath that to give those gifts a voice of their own?

  174. Seriously? Are you reading minds?

    The best connection ever!!! Thanks a lot about this episode, Marie! My first issue this morning was dealing with my mom who told me I’m doing a lot of self-promotion, and it’s not “cool”. I can’t see what I do as “the” self-promotion she thought, but that really upset me. Makes me fell uncomfortable and ask myself “Can I go through that? Should I stop working on what I love?” Was a hard day, hard feelings…

    When I think about my life, all the things I most love was expressing what I fell, what I think, through dance, music, speaking, theater… When I was a young adult, I felt I was weird.. So I stopped expressing my emotion. But I do really LOVE that, and I found inspiration on you to go on that.
    Today I have my youtube program, helping people to have greater careers. I’m felling so alone on that (online career is not that easy), and when I felt my family was not supporting me the way I wish… It was sooooo hard to deal with!

    So this episode just came in the best day!!!

    Thanks Marie!!! You’re always inspiring me!
    Xoxo
    Nicole

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s definitely a difficult thing when your family doesn’t support what you do. Sometimes it’s a generational difference and they just don’t understand how what you do is possible (perhaps it wouldn’t have been possible when they were growing up). Sometimes it’s just because they’re worried about you and want you to do something that’s safe and secure. I’m sure they mean well, but I know it’s hurtful nonetheless.

      • Nicole

        Tks soooo much Mandy!!! I’m sure they love me!!!! And it’s more a fear about the “bad” consequences exposure could do!

        Xoxo

  175. I have often stopped myself from sharing who I am or what I am working on due to fear of what other people think. So for me, number 2 “stop caring” is the one I need to remember. And, to remember that people need the gift that only I have.

  176. Yep, I’ve felt self-conscious about saying what I do, and it feels horrible! It feels terrible to fold, hold back, and be inauthentic. I stop myself because I’m not embarrassed or ashamed about having a business. I’m not bragging. I designed my life to be how I want it, and I’m really happy.

    I’m working on not caring, and being okay with people thinking I’m annoying. Hahaha!

  177. I still almost choke on the words I’m a coach, after all the education, training and continuing education. Something in me can hear my mother talk about being meek and not bragging about what we can do. Yikes!

    My focus is on the why I do what I do. That quiets the voices and the internal objections coming from the lizard brain. Ultimately I want to help people be the best they can be, to be better. In order to do that, I’ve got to speak out about it.

  178. Marie, loving that blue jump suit!! And of course a killer concise message to take from today’s episode. Definitely need to work on the ‘Stop caring’ element.

    Cheers,
    Steph

  179. Ranadeb Ray

    Hello,
    I have not had a single referral in 10 years.
    How can you help me??

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      If you’ll write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom, we can send you some MarieTV episodes to help. You may also want to consider signing up for Marie’s program B-School when enrollment opens again in February 2016. Write to us and we’ll send more info your way.

  180. Thank you.. the intent of service is key! As well as not caring what other’s think, if you’re being ‘real’ it shows, and there will be the haters.
    I have been training yoga teachers all over the world for years, including New Zealand and Australia. I see someone mentioned the ‘tall poppy’. It is a very real pattern Down Under and challenging for many to break through that ‘scratch on the record’.

    One thing that I find helpful for putting myself out there and helping my students develop the confidence do the same, is make it all about serving something greater than themselves, the small poppy. It isn’t about you, it is not a performance, it is about serving others and the greater flow of the universe.

    This was a lovely video.
    Thank you.

    • Oops! I didn’t complete it!

      When we consciously take the focus off our limited small poppy self, and our intention is about serving the greater whole, it takes the focus away from our tiny poppy self. The shame dissolves into in the whole field of beauty, recognizing that every poppy within the field is necessary and perfect, each meant to grow as tall as it can.

  181. So great Marie…my books are now selling around the world…social media has helped my Aussie platform greatly…but caring about people has helped the most!!!! http://www.ImageTV.us be all you were intended to be. My latest book “Image:365 Days to a New You” is a kind of journal through a year scrapbooking, doodling, writing etc and people are loving it…it’s a fun way to create your future!!! I have been a follower of yours for a few years!!! You make a difference. Many Blessings Kerrie x

  182. This could not have come at a better time! I’m currently running a pre-orders campaign for my new book and even though I mix up my social media postings and only put the occasional post about the book and am conscious of not spamming FB groups where my target market hang out, I’m so wary that people might say ‘Oh she’s such a diva!’ or ‘She’s such a needy, desperate, attention-seeking saddo!’

    Even more so because my book is on how to start and grow a vegan business (the first ‘how to’ book aimed at this market), which I reframed as a form of animal rights activism and I worry some people may be thinking ‘It’s not about you, it’s about the animals’. Yet, the book has insights from over 60-plus owners of vegan-run businesses, PR, marketing and business growth professionals and even though I wrote it and put it all together, it’s a collaborative effort and I absolutely want to share ALL of our expertise.

    On one hand, I know it’s a great book and people I’ve never met are pre-ordering it and saying how necessary it is and how pleased they are I’ve written it, yet the self-talk around ‘Who do you think you are?’ is still there. I don’t let it stop me because my higher purpose is spreading the vegan message and changing people’s perceptions around the use of animals.

    I do like the idea of taking the shame out of self-promotion. I’m from the UK originally but have lived in Australia for 14 years and I understand why Victoria said Americans seem much better at putting themselves out there, as you don’t have so much of Tall Poppy Syndrome (bringing people down who dare to put themselves out there).

    I take your video as a sign from the universe to get over myself, hehe. Thank you again 🙂

  183. as a photographer I know what is beauty for my client. and I strengthen them in confidence
    but I myself always want to hide. I have gained weight and i do not get along with it and in front of a camera even not at all. I have a great idea but that stops me

  184. Hey Marie, this is something i really needed to hear today. I write a wellness blog in Singapore and while I hear lots of positive words from readers and brands on how i package my content, I always feel like im not good enough and people might think negatively of my work or feel the need to compete with me instead of collaborating.

    Thanks Marie, I shall now stick to my intentions of this blog and not let the external ‘noise’ affect my work. I shall also pick up the shameless self promo more! Many thanks again x

  185. Great video Marie and Co. and thanx for sharing!
    I often stop myself because I get it into my head that, even though some one asked what I’m doing, they aren’t really interested. So I say something short and don’t go into detail. The sad part is that I often realize afterwards that I was the one who came off as not interested in the person who asked. And that I didn’t want to share my story with them. I’ve learned that insecurity can often come off as arrogance. This video was a good reminder to bring my enthusiasm into every conversation and the ones who really aren’t interested, well I’ll tell them any ways, and maybe they’ll get interested. Wouldn’t that be great!?

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is a really good takeaway, Caroline! You’re so right that you have to bring the enthusiasm to a conversation. If you’re excited and interested about what they’re doing, it’s hard for them not to be excited and interested about what you’re doing. Enthusiasm is contagious. 🙂

  186. Hi Marie! I am Rocky and I just want to ask if you made this video for me? It’s just right on point! Hit me right in the feels..this is what I am actually experiencing right now. But when you said that I should focus on what I can give..that is when I realized that what I am doing is simply not about me. At the end of the day it is all about who I was able to help and it is all about serving other people.

  187. Oh my, this is a biggie.

    And I truly have a challenge with self promotion here in Turkey. Not because I am ashamed or shy, not at all. It’s because people have no idea what I am doing.

    I am a handmade designer and copywriter.

    When I tell people here about my work (that I am proud of and love and makes me more money than a full time job) they look at me with patronizing smile. My mum even asked me when I am getting a real job the other day.

    It’s hard to self-promote when people around you think you are crafting and watching TV shows all day. I really have a challenge explaining them that this is in fact my real job and I am doing great. Now, when I am writing this I realize that maybe I need to approve of it myself…Maybe it’s an inner fear that if I don’t get a secure corporate job I will be less successful. I don’t know it just makes me feel intimidated and I am not sure how to handle it all.

    Thanks for letting me share my psychological maze 🙂

  188. S

    Yeah…and sometimes what would be perfectly unremarkable self promotion from a male, becomes quite unacceptable from a female.

    But all of your advice still applies.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is very true, unfortunately. There’s definitely a double standard out there. Our hope is that by women unashamedly talking about the wonderful work they’re doing, that double standard gap will close.

  189. Hi Marie !

    How are you feeling today ?

    I totally refer to #2, meanwhile I’m copywritting or whatsoever, I always think about what people would say about what I’m doing, and of course, I think about people whom I assume they hate what I’m doing ;)(((

    Thank you for all you do !

    I’m a B-Schooler and I subscribed to you new product Find Your Voice

    Claudine

  190. Hi Marie and Team Forleo,

    Great episode and really close to my heart. I have felt like Victoria a lot. I remember my mentor said to me “but how do you expect people to know what you are selling if you don’t tell them”.

    I was scared to ‘brag’ and I always thought talking about what I sold was spam. Even though for every 10-20 messages on social media I may add one ‘look what I’m selling’ message.

    I really liked your idea of being ashamed of not talking about what you do.

    Holding your gifts back is a great way to describe it!

    Thanks Marie

    Naomi

  191. Sara

    Thanks so much for the message! It came at a great time. I’m currently in an online program to become a health coach and not sure what I’ll do with it yet, but self-promotion is definitely a part of it. I know many in the program are self-conscious and don’t feel smart enough to put themselves out there but they really promote your message as well. It helps to hear…I love the idea that it’s a disservice not to tell others about what you do because some people need to hear it. Thanks so much for being hilarious and insporational!

  192. This is a greeeat topic

    I love what you said about how talking about it might benefit others around you,it’s happened to me where I’ll be looking for certain skills and then meet someone socially that offers exactly what I need help with, just by them promoting themselves and what they do.

    I have had my share of holding back when self promoting, but it’s kind of intentional and that’s because I used to to work as an interior architect and recently switched and opened a business in health and wellness, I got certified as a health coach, I’m building my social media presence and I’ve launched a line of healthy packaged snacks, I sometimes hold back because I feel like I’m in a situation where action needs to speak louder than words at this point at least, I do some verbal elf promotion but depending on whom I’m talking to. I prefer showing and giving passing tasters etc, any pointers or advice for someone switching careers and self-promotion?

    Thanks! Love your videos so much!!

  193. Marie,

    Thank you for this great post.

    For me, well… it’s hard to say as to whether is about the shame or simply deciding to take it slow-mo.

    I don’t feel like there’s shame to it, but then I don’t know why I don’t do it very well. I guess it’s some kind of old beliefs that we should not bother other people.

    But I get your point that, you know what.. this isn’t about bothering other people. This is about making the difference. This about telling others that you are there and that you are offering something of value to them.

    Well, I hear you.

    I’ll gave to take myself to the very edge… especially here in Britain where we are expected to mind our business and our business only.

    Have a good one.

    Again, thanks for sharing.

    I’m a big fan.

  194. alicia

    I’ve held myself back from self promotion because of fear I don’t know enough. Especially after attending a class on a new technique. I don’t feel like I get hung up on whether people like me but as a massage therapist in a state with no licensing I feel like clients are looking for huge results in order to see massage therapy as a viable health care alternative. Many times I leave a session not feeling like I knew enough to make that happen.

  195. Ama Gaba

    Thank you so much this Q&A, Marie! I just love your take on self-promotion, especially the idea that we are “stealing from those who need us most” if we are too ashamed to talk about our mission. So my dear should-I-really-doubts, we are over! 🙂

    Amanda

  196. Ute Schwidden

    Dear Marie,

    another great episode, thanks!

    First question: yes, I did and I still do. Why? Because I was always told not to be so egoistic or selfconfident and my fear is to not be loved. But honestly: what kind of “love” is that supposed to be?

    Second question: “not to promote myself is shameless” – YEHAA!!!!

    Marie, you are so beautiful and inspiring, thank you a lot

  197. Hi marie!

    Few weeks ago I was having one of the most soul-crushing events in my life, both my parents really reached their limits in understanding my way of living. It’s like I found my soul dead after that. And as I was aimlessly browsing the net, I stumbled in one of your episodes in Youtube. Since then, I’ve been checking your videos and really digest every message you deliver to the world. I appreciate it so much!

    I’ve been a BIG DREAMER eversince, an achiever in class. Currently a licensed professional, and I was brought up proudly by my parents for I do very well wherever they put me. Until I got myself in the MLM busns. I started at 20. I also became an achiever at the age of 22. My inner self is very much excited about what the world has prepared for me for I know I’ll be able to get them in a just a matter of time. But along the way, I came to the point where I got pushed by the universe to the lowest grounds. With a broken heart I started to tell my loved ones how messed up I was back then. Their response wasn’t the thing I expected. They picked me up with the cost that I have to stop doing what I was doing. That’s when I started holding back from being my real self. I understand they only wanted me secured, but I just cant swallow the idea of giving up on the seed I’ve planted and been nurturing for the past 3 years now. It was loosing the good relationship I had with my family that gave me the fear to keep going.

    “If you hold back on self-promoting, you are stealing from those who need you most.” This was the message that really hit me today. As we know, network marketers are opportunity givers. I am being fueled everyday when I see my people getting what they want in their life, and it saddends me whenever the idea of stopping the busns would cross my mind for I know a lot of people out there are still seeking what I have to offer. With that in mind, it keeps me going. I want to share more and become a bridge, a medium of blessings to the people out there through this opportunity.

    Thank you so much team Marie!! Your works online are awesome! It means so much to me. Thank you! 🙂

    Sincerely,
    Akeena

  198. Thank you so much! I posted this for all my team members:) I think I could watch it daily!!! LOL
    I think this is the hardest part for my team. . .having the courage to jump out there and tell people what you do and more importantly say to them, “I might be able to help you.”
    Thanks for all you do!

    K

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Kerri, what a great idea sharing it with your team!

  199. Great episode Marie!

    I teach people how to understand and use their nighttime dreams in their daily lives. It’s a niche that only a handful of others are in and my fear has been that since its so unique and so different, people will dismiss me and not take my work seriously.

    Or that they already have preconceived judgments about dreams and dream interpretation. Taking that a step further, my fear is that people think their dreams are meaningless and therefore will think that *I* am meaningless. And that’s a scary thought :p

    Two things *really* stood out to me in this episode. The first is that people actually *do* need my work. There are so many people aching to understand their dreams. And since there’s not many people who are helping others in this area, what I’m doing is actually *really* important. Especially for the people who are seeking to understand themselves better and want to understand their dreams. Those are the people I want to reach and those are the people I really care about.

    The second point that hit home for me was, who are you living your life for? If I followed what everyone else wanted me to do, I’d be completely devoid of any personality, miserable, and not impacting the world. It’s my life to live and I’m the only one who can live it.

    That’s exactly what I teach… to use your dreams as a guide to live a life that makes YOU happy. Your dreams illuminate the path and show you the way to a truly happy and meaningful life. And that makes my heart sing to do this work and to know that I’m making a positive impact on others.

  200. Love this! First, it’s that seeking approval B.S. That keeps me from promoting, like Ohhhh nooooo, will they like me? That’s why I love using an alter ego. When I rap, I’m White Chocolate….so thanks Marie for layin’ it down like that. Not everyone is going to like me, and I get that….and the thing about not being expressive and in doozy ask Dick. Omg, I’m leaving that auto correct….Enthusiastic was what I said…lol.

    Anyway, growing up I had a Dad that loved to squelch that part of me, the enthusiastic or doozy ask Dick if you will…part. That took a while to figure out, but I’m good now.

    I do Cube Readings as well, so I get the “you do what!?!” syndrome…
    But, you know what, I’m good at it! And I’m better and better at expressing what I do without trying to prove a point.

    And as far as the Rapping goes, well you never know…
    Snoop may call me any minute..

    Thanks again for your continued support Lovely Lady!
    Cheers, WhiteChocolate

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Oh man, that auto correct was amazing. Good for you, Laurie, for keeping on keeping on. 🙂

  201. Cally

    “You’re not bragging if you’re telling the truth!” Best life lesson my mom has ever passed on to me. Go out and tell folks how awesome you are! Don’t hold back. 🙂

  202. Wow! Great video!

    I definitely have held myself back from sharing what I do and what I’m about because I didn’t want to bother people…but you’re right, sometimes you will bother people no matter what you do and realising that, it becomes irrelevant. I love that question you had: who are you living for? I talk to other masterminders about this all the time and people I meet who have something special about them, a gift, and I am inspired to inspire them or motivate them.

    I need to remember that there’s no shame in self-promotion and that what I have to offer others is valuable, it’s worth paying for. My gifts include communication and creativity–art and writing–and I know not everyone has those skills so I’m resolving to promote myself at any given opportunity and doing that without shame! 🙂

    Thanks again, Marie!

  203. Ever since launching my website & my YouTube Channel I have been hesitant towards promoting because I thought people would judge me or hate my voice. It turned out that when I share my videos and promoted myself I received compliments and encouragement – the utter opposite of what I thought.

    My biggest is take-away is “Stop Caring”
    As the great song writer, Taylor Swift, said, -Haters gonna Hate.

    As long as I keep moving and grooving and not worrying about those who don’t like me, I’ll be okay.

  204. Sekina Titilayo Okonu

    Hi Marie!
    Another awesome episode as always! Love the way each of your topic is always relevant and touches everyone.
    What really discourages me from self promotion is hearing that voice again; ‘with your education and your brains; thought you had get a regular job? Or the other one, ‘what would those I’ve been in school with be thinking; wow! can’t believe one of their best students didn’t get to do a regular 8-5 dream job!’
    The realization of knowing its all about you and not caring about other peoples’ opinion is an eye opener. Going ahead and giving it all it takes to embrace and excel in ones passion and what gives one joy and fulfilment is the essence of a well lived life.
    Thanks so much Marie! Lots of love to you from Nigeria.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Success looks different for everyone, Sekina. For some people, an 8-5 job is their version of success and their version of a dream job. But you don’t have to subscribe to anyone’s belief of what success is but your own. 🙂

  205. Thank you Marie for ALWAYS bringing us great segments! I was on a coaching call tonight with a member of our executive team for FindGreatCompanies.com and I’m going to start selling our memberships in my local area. I was talking to the coach about how in the past that I’ve really shied away from selling. We discussed what a difference it makes if you believe in something and changing your frame of mind to be what you are doing to help others. I’m a helper by nature…and sometimes it seems I’m the one that gets helped least in the process ha ha! I’m going to be armed with the notes from your video and I’m ready for this new chapter! 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      And really that’s what selling should be–helping others! I think the best salespeople genuinely care about their customers and want them to make the best decision for them, even if that’s not buying. When people sense that you really care, they trust you more and trust goes a long way in selling.

  206. Thank you so much. It was perfectly timed for me to hear this. Ironically I went to open it yesterday and didn’t, today is when I needed to hear it. Today I am stronger being me and I have permission to be me and bring my light, love and joy to this world. Thank you.

  207. Dear Marie,

    Thanks so so so much for creating this episode. It’s really a lifesaver.  In the past week, I was struggling in sharing my new site with friends. The website is a platform for people who want to start their business to share their thoughts, methods and processes.  I was in a hole of self-promotion-shame for a long time, however, your episode have encouraged me to speak out and share my new creation with people needed.  This experience is like an enlightenment to me, so I have written an article to share your YouTube channel with others.  The article is written in Chinese, and I hope more people can benefit by watching Marie TV.

    Thanks again for the inspiring Marie TV and look forward for new episodes .

  208. You shouldn’t be ashamed of self promotion as long as that self promotion qualifies you to successfully promote others.

  209. Best video ever!!

  210. Mary Lahti

    Hi Marie, Oh, self promotion has been a BIG set back for me. And so true! Where did this negative identification come from? I guess it came from the one-sided over-seller. Big deep issue. But through listening and learning your tips, I’ve started to overcome this self doubt and realize exactly what you said, that we have what someone out there needs and wants. And it’s so true. So many times someone has mentioned something in passing or in conversation (without the use of a bull horn or a blimp) and it happened to be what I personally was looking for at the time. I’m realizing that can work for me too. And if it’s not the right time for someone now, then maybe later. Or maybe that person knows someone who needs what I have. So I have accepted that more and am trying to own up to that fully. I’m getting there, so thanks for sharing the tips. SINGcerely, Mary Lahti

  211. Ryoko

    The part which hit home to me was
    I think it’s time that we all started to untangle these feelings of shame and self consciousness from sharing our gifts and offering our service to the world.

  212. Well, what an Episode. Thank you Marie as always. I think it is time now for us to stand tall without fear and tell the world that the work we do in world is the only truth that will set every human specie free. Never to play it small or be like water flowing under its ice while doing our duties. Always we should keep like minded people close because they exhibit positive energies.

  213. Frank Bette

    Hi Marie, how are?
    Your topic about self promotion is great, guess we all start at hone, when we sit at the table with our family and share a general topic to talk about and we as adults with accumulated experience and knowledge professionally or on a personal level can give advice to younger generations. I truly admire you, you’ve got great personality, xxoo, Frank ♡

  214. Vivian

    Hi Marie,
    Yes, I have and still do sometimes hold back what I do. The reason being that people look at me like it is not possible or that it is work that does not sound scientific enough to be true. I help people to improve their eyesight so that they can either get out of glasses /contact lenses or reduce their prescription. Thus improving the health of their visual system as well. On the other hand, I have gotten better at self promotion. I do believe that I am here to spread this information so that holistic eye care becomes mainstream like we go to fitness to keep the rest of our body in shape or eat right so we can stay more healthy and yougthful..

    The idea from today’s show I most need to remember is to not care what others think about me or how they judge me. I know it in my head that everyone will always judge me. I realize those people who negatively judging are probably not doing anything themselves that is why they have time to criticize others. I believe that there are many people who whould like to have this knowledge about how to care for their vision and the health of their eyes.

    Thanks for this show and always a good reminder that we do have gifts to give to others!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      This is really good insight, Vivian. I’m sure part of it is that people have been doing something one way their entire lives (i.e., going to the eye doctor for glasses and contacts) and changing that just blows their mind a little. Humans are creatures of habit like that sometimes. But that doesn’t mean that what you do is any less valid–it just means that they have to open their minds to be able to see and appreciate your good work.

  215. Paivi Liikonen

    I often find my self holding my tongue when people talk about their health issues and know that nutrition is something they focus more on and get help from. The reason for this is often that I think they do not want to hear about nutrition as a solution and/or they would find that annoying that I’m offering my help or opinion.

    The idea from the video that I should need to remember is definitively nro 2: stop caring.

    Thanks again Marie for the food for thought and great tips!

  216. I totally hold back from sharing very often. Especially when I’m in social situation with new people and they ask me what I do. My biggest fear is really that they will find what i do worthless. I do tend to think that I’m an average kinda girl and if I know who to do this thing I sell then everyone else does too. Obviously that’s not the case because people do buy my stuff, but…. its a mindset thing I gotta work on. Thanks for this great video as always.

  217. Carla

    1. I have a start up business making raw vegan protein bars that are sweetened with stevia and always have a hard time promoting them because I fear people will not like it. Even though most people love my product, I always remember the ones who did not and that holds me back. I fear the rejection. Although I am conscious that I am not being rejected, people simply have different taste and I cannot please everyone. Guess it is just a mindset thing that I have about putting me down and gotta stop that.

    2. What I took the most from the video (besides “stop caring”) was the fact that we all matter and we are all here for a reason. I seriously need to work on my self-esteem 😉

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      When you said “raw vegan protein bars,” I instantly thought “That sounds DELICIOUS!” There will always be people who don’t resonate with what you do, but there will also always be people who do! Focus on your tribe–they’re the ones that really matter. 🙂

  218. Hi,

    Today, I was promoting my Babe’s Beauty Hub with pamphlets of coupons of small amount on road. I was damn scared.
    I murmured ‘Satnaam Wahguru’ like chanting god’s name, it did wonder’s for me.
    I was staying calm and distributing like mam please, some ignored me but I ended up distributing all the pamphlets.
    I am feeling good.

    Thanks Marie.. 🙂

  219. Jackline Makandi

    Hi Everyone,
    Am so loving the discussion here. Thank you so much Marie for this platform you have given us.
    I have to admit that low self esteem is an enemy we have to fight here in Africa. Having grown in Kenya, poor background and being a girl is something I personally have had to deal with. Self promotion has not been easy, many have hated me and tried their level best to have my esteem low. But thank you once more Marie that since I got connected to you, I have learnt to self promote and live the life I want and the business. I have Today gone to the relevant departments and inquired on how to start an NGO, and am so ‘pregnant’ with ideas! I feel like a walking NGO, serving people something I have always wanted to do but low self esteem has been holding me back. But am very happy that now am expressing my views and shining to my destiny shoulder high.

    Thanks so much Marie!

  220. Idan Levy

    Hi there…
    These videos help me, thank you!
    I want to say is that I know I’m talented and I have skills.
    But I excuse not promoting myself enough by saying that I’m not ready yet, or not good enough.
    I have talents, yet so much insecurity. I still haven’t figure how to wash it off.

    Thank you so much again,
    Love, Idan.

  221. This is such an important topic, especially if you work for yourself. It is much easier to promote yourself if you have referrals etc and a supportive community. Starting out is always difficult, but I always find that everyone around me talks about their business and/or job as well. So why not me. I never push my services, rather I try to focus on what the potential customer needs. Great video 🙂

  222. I used to be very embarrassed promoting myself or anything that I’m doing. But now that I started my own business, I truly believe in my product and my cause, and this helps me to have the confidence to promote “shamelessly”. There’s really no shame because I think I am providing value and helping my customers!

    Thanks Marie! I love your videos and your style. You’re awesome!

  223. Most of my life I have held back from promoting myself consciously because of fear of negative consequences (such as having someone use the information to hurt me, or having someone steal my ideas) …but I know that, really, this was all just a fear of judgment. And I was already judging myself, which made me think that I couldn’t handle others’ responses.

    The idea from today’s show that I most need to remember is that I can’t help anyone or get my ideas out to the world if I don’t self-promote. I’m here to do this work, but if I don’t self-promote, all my other efforts are a waste because they won’t go anywhere.

    It feels “naughty” – in many settings, saying this would get me a lot of flak, guaranteed – but I’m committing to spending more energy into getting my message out there than I spend listening to others’ opinions about my message 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      It’s sad, but there will always be people waiting around to steal your ideas. The good news is that you shouldn’t let that stop you because, like with songs and movies, the original is always better. People copy Marie’s stuff ALL the time, but we have yet to see anyone do it better. 🙂

  224. Hillary

    I have a hard time with #2. I didn’t promote my product to the fullest extent because I was scared of hurting my sisters feeling. I missed a great chance to earn a good living and my sisters respect. I did like that comment that “I am stealing from my clients what I have to give by not promoting myself.’

  225. Jenny from NZ

    Hi Marie,

    What can I say, you are just Fabulicious, you’re beautiful both inside & outside.

    I will be honest, I signed up for your regular updates since last year and didn’t read most of them until this week I saw the title ‘Take the shame out of Self-promotion’ It’s so ironic because this is exactly what I’m feeling down about recently as I’m starting up my own business on the side while I work full time and at the moment I feel my business is just an idea and I’m not really pushing through, partly because I still feel I need to know more before I put anything into action just like ‘analysis paralysis’ that was mentioned in a previous comment.
    I’m a Samoan Kiwi and I’ve already achieved other side investments such as Vending & Atm machines plus a rental property.
    But I still feel I’m not good enough to be a business owner. I find it hard to not only promote myself but also accept compliments. In my Samoan culture we are told to be humble & not too confident. So sometimes when someone pays me a compliment, I brush them off & think they are being sarcastic. Because it’s normal to mock and laugh at ourselves, to show others that we’re playing it down and we’re either at or below someone elses level. My business is to empower others to achieve their career goals and believe. So obviously I need to firstly believe in myself. So thank you so much Marie for sharing Victoria’s question. This has now empowered me to take action, believe and promote without any shame. God bless 🙂

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      I love that this was just the message you needed, Jenny, and can’t wait for you to take action and practice with your new and empowered thinking.

  226. Hi Marie,
    Thank you for the shameless self-promotion, it hit at just the right time (of course!). I wrote a children’s book that answers the tough question about Santa so that we adults can stop telling kids Santa’s not real. To me, I feel like this is my service to many parents and kids out there — saving them from the tears my step-kids went through. My own two kids later on didn’t go through those tears because by then I had created my I Heard Santa story. My two-parter answer:

    1. What held me back from promoting my work? My lady neighbors! I live on a street where having dreams and ambitions is made fun of, and I had to make that choice to stop hanging out with the ladies in my neighborhood. As I began promoting myself on Facebook and in the community last year, I found myself NOT doing promotion that might show up on my neighbor’s radar — so that concern about being laughed about held me back. But that was LAST year 😉

    2. The idea from today’s show that sticks with me is “self-promotion = service”. WOW. Never thought of it like that. Especially with the book I wrote, it was truly written as a service to kids and parents having trouble explaining Santa to older kids — to the point where I said, “Enough is enough! When is someone going to help craft a real story about Santa so that when kids turn 8 or 9 (or 15) and start to wonder if Santa is real, no one has to sit down and break their hearts?” My family chuckled, my neighbors snickered — how silly is my dream, to change the conversation about Santa. I’ve felt sheepish about self-promotion. But here comes 2015 Christmas season in a couple of months, and thanks to MariaTV, I am changing my mindset about promotion. It’s my service to the world. I can also hold a great discussion about Game of Thrones 😉
    THANK YOU once again!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      The ladies in your neighborhood might laugh now, but when they start to explain Santa to their kids, they’ll be glad to have you and your book! Everyone’s service to the world looks different and I’m so glad you’re not letting their criticism stop you.

  227. I found this video clip very helpful. You would think that being an ex teacher I should have no trouble at all about promoting my books. In truth, I guess I have been reticent about the content of my stories. Your video made me challenge why this is so. The answer was in the parent/reader feedback all along. The story message was personal to the reader and they believed it to be their own story. This is what I need to promote.
    Thank you

  228. Loved this, Marie! As a blogger, I often feel guilty for self-promotion! Thanks for helping me overcome it, as you can see 😛

  229. Bam! this episode just hit me right inside. Stop caring, they are already judging you! Truths always fall like a bomb and then you can be born again ;), all I was saying to my myself before: this people who might criticize me (or are doing it loud) are not in my life, not here to love and support me anyway, so what should I care? But this thought has gone a lot further than that.
    They,re doing it, that,s a fact, so stop trying to please them! STOP! and relax. Huge, I really got it this time and this thought has kept me moving forward this week. Hey man, I,m not here to please anybody, just to do my thing as you,re here to do yours, so get the f.. out of our ways.. THANK YOU SO MUCH MARIE, I LOVE YOU!

  230. “Don’t brag.” “Don’t talk about yourself.” “Don’t be rude.” “If you talk about yourself, people won’t like you.” “Don’t show-off.” “If you brag, people will get jealous and you won’t have any friends.”

    …..these were the core teachings that I was brought up to believe.

    It’s no surprise that I was so freaking uncomfortable talking about my business!
    I had massive blocks to overcome with this one.

    1) The specific fear or concern that stopped me most was this:
    Being judged by the people who knew me before I started my business.
    I had no concern with what strangers thought about me, but when it came to the people I loved, I was a mess.

    2) Even though I know it deep down inside, it was really helpful to be reminded of just how much the world needs me and how it’s doing no one ANY GOOD for me to be hiding.

    You never know who is wishing that you exist, right?

    Thanks for this, Marie!

  231. Malavika

    Dear Marie,
    I really loved this message of yours. I am a artist and designer and I often promote myself and sometimes I find myself feeling ashamed about being the one doing so,but then I realise, by self promoting ourselves, our business or talent and potential,we are not only laying ourselves out there for people to know how we can help serve them, but helping ourselves and doing the best that we can for ourselves. I loved it when you asked these 2 important questions, firstly,” where did we learn that Self-Promotion is bad?” and secondly,”Who are you living your life for?”
    On watching this video, the third reframe brought to my awareness how at times excitement and enthusiasm may cause you to be a “broken record”not realising people want to hear more than how great you are or what you are doing with it.

    Thank you so much for this message.
    Love,
    Malavika

  232. These are challenges I think most people face each day in the business world. If you self promote you are full of yourself and if you don’t no one notices you. There is a fine line but heck like many have said before me who are you living your life for…

  233. Hi Marie,

    Great video! So helpful. For me, the best tip was focusing on how I can serve, what I have to give. This prevents the introversion which causes me to become self-conscious and stops me from taking action.

    I think another good question to ask is, “How can I this be fun? How can I have fun speaking to the world.”
    Thanks for all you do.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I love that tip, Therese, thank you for sharing!

  234. I just realised why I struggle with self-promotion! It’s because I’m worried that what I do sounds vague and stupid. It used to be so easy to say, ‘I’m a copywriter’, though I didn’t enjoy being a copywriter and wasn’t proud of it. But now I think I’ll be judged when I say, ‘I’m a health coach and yoga teacher’, even though it’s awesome and I LOVE it, and I genuinely help people live better lives. Why do I have secret shame around what I do?! Ugh.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I so hear you, Lizzy. There are so many reasons we can get stuck in feeling guilty or judged about what we do, and I thought I might share one of our other MarieTV episodes that talks a bit about this:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/09/happiness-guilt/

      It’s strange, but it’s often more difficult when we are doing something that we actually love. There can be a lot of reasons, but I usually find that personally it’s either about me feeling guilty for doing something I love when other people aren’t so lucky — or worrying that what I do might seem vague or not like a “real job” to other people.

      One thing that has helped me the most is Marie’s note that people are always judging us anyway, no matter what we do, so we might as well be happy and make a difference in the world!

      It sounds like you’re on an incredible path that gives you so much joy, and that is certainly something to celebrate. I hope this helps, and definitely take a moment to appreciate the great work you’re doing 🙂

  235. Oh my gosh, I loved this and needed to hear it!! I know you say it every time Marie, but the idea that the world needs the special gift that only I have has really never sunk in before now. That is definitely the biggest lesson I learned in self promotion. I guess I never thought of it that way that by not speaking up I’m depriving the people who might be looking for a brand or portrait photographer or book cover designer (yes I do all three!) of my particular style and brand of photography and art! Thank you so much Marie for the revelation!!!!
    🙂
    -Elise
    P.s. If there are any budding authors or small business owners with handmade products reading this that might need gorgeous product photography for your websites or an imaginative cover design for your book, get in touch! Thanks! 🙂

  236. 1) I don’t tell most people that I’m close to because, I don’t want them to see me not succeed. And since I’m at the beginning process, in my eyes I look like a failure. Which leads me to care about what they are going to think about me.
    2) I learned that what I have to offer could actually be important, so I should just stop caring about what others might say and focus on how my work can help others.

    Great video! It was really inspiring and something I needed to hear. 🙂

  237. Tumelo M.

    Hey Marie,

    Thank you for this! I am slowly walking away from the shame and this has been of great help in my journey.

    My fear has usually been regarding what people will think of me and my ‘bragging’ and whether that would not lead to a decline in the value of my personal brand.

    The greatest lesson I am getting from your video is the value of keeping one’s conversations varied and focusing primarily on what one can give as opposed to what one can get.

    Thank you so much Marie for your weekly insights! Sending tons of Love 🙂

  238. connie curtis

    I dont think that people need my services or will pay for them. I have been working on this quite a bit so its still in the background.. I dont promote myself because of this belief. I am getting better and sharing more of my story because this is what people can relate to about me. I am a gluten intolerance and food allergy coach for people newly diagnosed with either one of these or both. I also have come up I cant do this. I know my shit.. I am owing that now.. I can take them through the steps to go from surviving to thriving

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yes, Connie! People SO need what you’ve got. We’re excited for you, and how you’re committing to owning what you know and have to offer.

  239. There are moments that come when you know it is your opportunity to offer someone help in the form of what you do professionally. I do that all the time. But it is challenging to talk about what I do, sexual/body confidence training, on an every day basis. My topic is what holds me back.

    The idea from today’s post is that I don’t want to die being thought of someone who kept to herself.

  240. Fabi

    Dear Marie & Team & Readers

    That video came at the right time, thank you for it! Currently I am looking for my next employment, for a restorater for architecture there is not much around. I want to get into what in Switzerland is called “Site / construction science” but it’s hard to find a wy into that field. Anyway, I often talk to various people in heritage conservation or museums about my way and my goal. But when I talk about my strengths I always fear that the other one is better and thinks “bah, she’s so dumb, she hasn’t got enough experience” or something like that.
    And there is also something else, where I feel ashamed about my good things: when somebody f.e. says “wow, you look great, your workouts seem to improve your shape dramatically” then I say something like “oh thanks, but you know, I’m bad in (blablabla)” – I try to comfort the other person by making myself smaller than I actually am :-/

    It’s good to get that in my consciousness. Thank you, Marie, for putting the light on!

    Fabi

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Fabi, so glad this episode helped, and best of luck with finding the perfect next opportunity for you.

  241. My biggest problem is that I care too much about what other people feel or think. It’s typical for an INFJ. When I tell myself that I don’t give a shxt, is often when I feel hurt.

    This is also why I find my alone time spent in my studio painting, esp. self portraits, is so precious and meditating and cleaning for me. I can do whatever I want. I don’t care about what others think. I don’t even think about others. I only share the final painting if I like it.

    So point #2 is what I need to remember the most. It is still harder to put into practice though.

  242. Emma

    I have been scared to self promote because I was scared that perhaps what I am portraying online or in my life would be judged by people who know me well. That perhaps I was not being congruent with what I was saying, and my personal reality. Writing this I realise that’s bullshit and just voices in my head from certain adults in my life.

    • Fabi

      Dear Emma

      That’ s exactly what I feel, when I try to promote myself. Like someone could interrupt my talk and say “Wow, wow! Are you sure about what you’re saying? I don’t think you’re honest, aren’t you?” But I am also convinced, that self promotion doesn’t need to include every jigsaw piece of our character. We have the right to own and protect our privacy.

      Greetings,
      Fabi

  243. Hello Marie,

    I feel like the idea I most need to remember from the video is that there’s no legitimate reason to be ashamed of self-promotion. Hopefully with that in mind I’ll be able to recognize the shame I have there and start working through it! 🙂

    But while I agree with the points in the video, I feel like they’re more qualities of a shameless person than a way to get out of the shame. I feel like the best thing I can do is work on the root of shame, and then the points in this video will be moot because I’ll become that person.

  244. Hi Marie,
    Great thoughts to keep in mind.
    If we do not toot our own horn who will?
    I totally agree with you. And it can all be done with class and intuitiveness.
    We all know when someone wants to hear more about what it is we do and when they do not.
    I like to pick my spots.
    Thanks for sharing.

  245. Thank you for the question! Every time I see a new video uploaded on marietv, I think to myself; I really wonder about the exact same thing!
    But this one was one of my absolutely favorites. I am a mental skills coach and my life purpose is to help others, because I know I can, and this is what I´m meant to do. But I´m so scared of saying it out loud because I´m afraid I won´t be good enough. For years as a kid and a teen, I would be bullied for either being good in school or getting attention from boys, and therefore learned that you should never think highly about yourself, and do not stand out because you will get hurt. I know I have skills and I wish so much to be recognized for it, but when my default setting is attention=pain and loneliness, it´s hard to yell from the rooftops how good I am at what I do, and even whispering it to friends & family. I will watch this video again and challenge myself to telling people what I do and forcing myself to assume the feeling of being good at it- and let people talk if they want to. I´m here to make a change for the better for as many people as I possibly can. Thank you Marie, and thank you Australian Victoria for your question. Much love, T.

  246. I loved this segment… As a Professional Realtor there are all these “shoulds” and “should not” on self promotion. I am tired of being should on!!! about this subject. So this is great to take the suggestion of making it fun, not about me per say, being present to what I give vs. what I get and really not worrying about the side talk of what others are saying or thinking. Its not a part of what I am up to. I already do these things with the exception of the “worry” of being politically correct about what I do. Good questions Victoria and great answer Marie…

  247. Marie, you and Laura kick ass, that’s number one. Now on to your questions:

    I have to be honest, out of clarity, personality, and resonance, I don’t know which I struggle with most. My problem is getting people to take action, so it could very well be a combination of all three of those. (Hell, the fact that I can’t pinpoint which one I need most help with is probably a good indicator that I’m all kaput.)

    I’m a lifestyle blogger with a focus on getting the world to chill out and love each other (no easy task). I have big, heart-shaped plans to sell mini courses on self-love, share mantras, and start a movement. (Louise Hay is my idol).

    If the Copy Cure landed in my lap, I could figure out a way to do more than just inspire people. I could own my voice and write with passion, but in a way that actually got people to take action, versus walking away feeling a little better.

    That’s what I most want from this, for my writing to get people to get out there seeing through a lens of love, versus fear, and learning how to treat themselves (and others) much, much nicer. (I’m a firm believer that self-love can change the world).

    I know I was born to write. I feel it branded into my forehead. I recently dissolved a business partnership with a friend because it had nothing to do with writing, and that took guts. So now I want to use *more* guts to chase after this thing. My blog is my current platform, and the words are already out there, but they have no staying power, and I want to make them stick. I’m only making decisions now that align with my higher self, and curing my copy to add more love to the world is one of them.

    I’ve never been able to afford B-school (each year it’s like, “next year…”) but then you came out with THIS. You guys are teaching people to write better. You’re making a difference in the world by urging people to make a difference in theirs–and this opportunity would make a huge difference in not only my world, but the world of people I can’t wait to meet.

    Thank you so much for offering this scholarship opportunity, it is true, one-of-a-kind awesomeness!

    –Monique

    • Oops! Just posted this to the wrong article. This was for the copy cure scholarship, haha. Just posted it to the correct page, sorry for the double comment! 🙂

  248. Tiffany

    Hi Marie! I recently discovered your site and it is incredible – I love what you are doing here. My reason for thinking self promotion is *SHAMEFUL* is because I have a few family members who are incredibly self absorbed and do not think twice about promoting themselves constantly (they sound just like video…I’m so great/ I’m so great/ I’m so great). I now realize that I have been so reluctant to self-promote because I don’t want to sound like them! I realize the difference now – promoting yourself is about what you can GIVE others and not about blowing smoke up your own arse. Promotion + your actions will say it all. BOOYAH!!! Thanks Marie.

  249. Thank you, Marie,
    I found this video really great. It’s really interesting, how words work. (English is not my first language, so it was even more interesting for me, to think about it in English 🙂
    I have a fertility memoir, and I think I could help some woman struggling with the same problem, but I often feel uncomfortable with self promotion…
    I hope, I can change my mind after watching your video 🙂
    Have a nice day,
    Anett from Hungary

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for watching, Anett. I hope this episode inspires you to feel a little more at ease with self-promotion.

      I shared a great episode below with someone going through similar challenges around self-promotion, so I thought I’d share that with you too in case you hadn’t seen it!

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/10/get-paid/

  250. Thanks Marie 🙂

    Promoting my first novel, Companions of Clay, was really difficult for me. Now I just want to hide and forget all about it. I even gave it away for free and still felt 🙁

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for tuning in, Safeena. I’m sorry to hear it was tough promoting your first novel, and I know you’re not alone there — promoting ourselves can be really difficult, especially in the beginning. I hope this episode helped inspire you to feel a little more comfortable with getting your work out there.

      I thought I might pass along another MarieTV episode that talks a little bit about getting comfortable with selling, so I hope you enjoy checking this one out too for a few nuggets of wisdom:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/10/get-paid/

  251. Belén

    I’m so glad this videos exists! but it would be even greater if I could download some audio file or podcast so I can hear it again if I want wherever I am.

    Greetings from Chile.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Belén! We’re definitely keeping the audio/podcast idea in mind, and we’ll let everyone know if that happens down the road 🙂

  252. OM PRAKASH

    Wonderful indeed Marie,
    Most of us do shy out when it comes to self promotion, be it Victoria from Australia or Om from India.
    Times are changing, competitions are getting heated up.
    Time to open up and go in for self publicity and self promotion.
    Thanks for encouraging
    Regards,
    Om

  253. I love this episode! I am definitely someone that needs to be reminded that whether I self promote or not, there are people who judge, don’t like, or don’t understand me. Those people are not my audience anyway,right? AND, they are the ones that I let stop me from getting my word out to those that DO need what I do offer…

    Great question, Victoria! Great answer, Marie!

  254. Christy Niece

    “Make sure you celebrate other people.” I like that. Thanks, Marie!

  255. Great episode, Marie! Love the topic. It’s very much timely and helpful to a lot of businessmen and women like us out there — very insightful!

  256. Dear Marie Forleo,

    How can one, standing in the foreground, in the spotlights, a promotional speaker, promote his company, co-workers, customers, putting others in the spotlight without having the focus on him/her?

    Thank you.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Great question, Lambert. In some industries there is definitely a more natural spotlight on the person in the foreground. For those in those situations, like entertainers, musicians, and speakers of all kinds, often people do appreciate and expect the focus being on the person in the spotlight.

      Since many people will go to see promotional speakers with the expectation that person will do some self-promotion, it can make it a bit easier.

      I think the trick is in finding ways to use stories and examples that highlight both your expertise and the experience of your customers or company. If you have a great story about how you helped a client or co-worker, you can frame the story in a way that puts the spotlight on the other person and their experience, but still highlights your own work too.

      I hope that helps, and thanks so much for tuning in to MarieTV!

  257. I can relate to this post completely! We all have issues of self-doubt and a fear to speak up about what we care most about. In developing my business, I have had plenty of moments where I felt like the opinions of others defined me. It is liberating to realize that I can define myself and that there will ALWAYS be people that love me and my work, and people that don’t. What I loved most about this is how Marie redefines (or correctly defines) self-promotion. Speaking well of yourself can often inspire the confidence in others to be all that they can. Contrary to the normal belief, sometimes self-promotion is actually MORE helpful to others than keeping quiet about your life and your work.

  258. JW

    I am not a video watcher, usually. Once every 3 or 4 months I will watch a video. What do you have for people who would rather read? YES there are still some of us out here!!!!!!!!! JW

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi JW, you’re so not alone — we have some big time readers on our team, and we love the written word!

      At the moment our blog posts are centered around our MarieTV episodes in a video format, but we’ll often mention books we love when Marie interviews guests, so that might be a way to find some fun reading material!

  259. Berglind Saga

    This is most deffenetly because i have been affraid of being judged, i need to remember the idea of being proud of who i am , and what i do , and most of all, be an inspiaration to others to do well

  260. Gizachew Girma

    Dear Marie,

    God bless you … you are a life-saving baptist. I love the way you are inspiring us who are searching for light & proper compass. You have saved my hopes & dreams. Thank you again.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you SO much, Gizachew — that means the world to us!

  261. grace

    Totally correct perspective on self-promotion. I have been leading workshops on Bragging and encouraging people how to create savvy self-promotion. I realised first as a race we talk mostly about what we do a daily basis but seldom about who we are. I also realised as 9-5 jobs are slowly disappearing and more entrepreneur, freelance, mentors showing up. It paramount to be able to speak of what we do and who we are effortlessly and with self-confidence.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Yes! It’s so important in this modern world to be able to speak up and be able to self-promote — even if we aren’t in business. Thanks so much for tuning in and commenting, Grace!

  262. Thank you Marie and Team for this wonderful piece. My background is in Journalism, and I’m used to always working behind cameras (a computer rather LOL). So when I started coaching and understanding the importance of social media and self marketing/promotion, I felt awkward and uncomfortable; still to this date. I always thought it as it’s not about me but about the people I want to help. With this episode I understood Victoria perfectly. Like me, there are so many Victorias out there! You made me realize that amidst your grace and funniness in presenting the funeral, your message was very clear. LOL No, I don’t want my family to say that I didn’t bother anyone and have attendees be silent because they have nothing to say about me. Grazie mille!!!!

  263. Hi, just watched this episode after reading the comments in the “How to build your brand” show. I would say, #2 is definitely something I need to work on: STOP CARING about what other people think / judge me. And that includes people close to me, unfortunately.. 🙁
    Yes, everyone of us should live their life for themselves, not for others. And unfortunately (repeat..) this is something that for us, women, doesn’t come as easy as we are the ones that care / nurture / look after others / put others’ needs before ours etc. – that’s pretty much how I can sum up my upbringing.
    Definitely need to take the “shame” out of self-promotion… thanks Marie & team x

  264. Pamela

    Thank you for these tips. Living here in France is hard to talk about self promotion ( or self promote oneself, mentality is so different here than it is in the States). I’m starting a new career, at a whole different new level and path that I’ve never been before, and I’m always scared to promote my myself/brand. So again, thank you for this video.
    Also, I love your suit, Marie, blue looks great on you.

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