Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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There’s something weird that used to happen to me for years.

Whenever I made a big leap in my life (especially as it related to my career), I’d get super sick. I’m talking head-splitting migraines, debilitating nausea and one of the worst of all — nearly a week of being so weak and sick that I could hardly get out of bed.

While everybody gets a bug now and again, the timing of these illnesses right after something big just happened in my business was just too strange.

When it comes to joy and success, your built-in upper limit is completely adjustable. Click To Tweet

Plus, after doctors ran all kinds of tests and repeatedly told me, “Marie, I can’t find anything wrong with you.” I knew I had to look deeper.

That’s when I learned about a concept called “upper limits” and the unfortunate link many of us have between self-sabotage and expanded success.

If you ever find yourself with the urge to run and hide, pick a fight, or somehow stir up trouble when things start to get really good — this episode is a must watch! You’ll learn a simple practice to stop self-sabotage for good.

As mentioned in the episode, I’m a huge fan of Gay Hendricks and his brilliant book, The Big Leap and highly recommend it.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever found yourself bumping into your own “upper limits”? What steps have you taken to unwire self-sabotage in your life?

Remember to share as much detail as possible as thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may just be what someone else needs to have a breakthrough.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

Self-sabotage is something that can affect us all. Please pass this along to your closest colleagues, clients and friends — anyone you think could use a little extra support as they work to bring their dreams to life!

Thanks so much for making this one of the most inspiring, fun and supportive places in the digital Universe.

With so much love and appreciation,

XOXO

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370 comments

  1. Pamela Meola

    This has just turned on a light for me! I do this with my husband. After years of bad relationships, finally happily married for 5 year’s, I still don’t feel ‘comfortable’ being 100% happy. I need to stop sabotaging myself! Thanks Marie. 🙂

    • I struggle with asking and when I market myself that’s what I am doing – asking for the other person or party to trust and have faith in me. I wonder if I have faith in myself but I am doing what I am doing because deep down I feel it there. Living. Breathing. GREAT video.

      • What if, instead of seeing it as “asking” you re-framed it as “sharing what you’re enthusiastic about”? That might help. 🙂

        • Yes! We feel guilty when we ask for things for ourselves a lot but if we go to share gifts then it’s a whole lot easier and rejection isn’t as bad. Plus, you know why you love what you do, just share why you love it and others will catch your enthusiasm! Sometimes just your enthusiasm will get them to agree and parent with you or buy and then they can see why it’s so great for themselves.
          Also, maybe get to know the person on a deeper level and fit what you have to better their lives. Then it’s not you selling, it’s you helping them.
          Good luck!

        • Yaaas, Lisa!! Sharing is caring!

        • Thanks Lisa! Great advice! 🙂

        • Good one LIsa! That’s a gem. Sharing is so much easier to do than asking!

        • I too have struggled with the feeling of asking when marketing but I can definitely see myself embracing the ‘sharing’ concept. Thanks Lisa

    • Yep! Whenever things start to get really good, I start to get really anxious and want to run and hide!

      What has helped me is to literally run! Or hike, or just get my body moving. It burns off the anxiety so that I can remind myself that this is just a normal part of the process. Take a deep breath and take the immediate next step.

      It also helps me to break things into tiny steps and just do one-step-at-a time and let go of any future tripping.

      Thanks Marie!

      • Helena

        Katie, looks like I am out the door and soon as I write this and when I come back I am going to think of the tiniest step I can take to start to get over this incredible anxiety about this project I am attempting.

      • Me too! That’s a big thing I do when I’m freaking out. I just want to crawl under a rock. I did B School last year and then hid for about 8 months! I didn’t blog, I did build my list, I didn’t make any crochet tutorials. LOL. Fortunately, I still had enough going for me that I made some $$ anyway and that was extremely encouraging.

        Now I look back and I wonder WTH I was doing all last summer and fall, but, it’s all part of the process, right? I definitely learned from the experience.

    • My upper limit is in making and having friends. When I am around people I like I get depressed and have trouble making friendships. It is easier to make friends with people I’m not interested in. Any suggestions?

      • When we stop trying to be anything other than our true selves we are being inauthentic, but when we are authentic then we naturally attract friends in our life without ‘trying’. Maybe start by being your own best friend, and just enjoy being in your own company, others with be naturally attracted to that. And don’t be afraid to be an ‘outsider’ as Angelina Jolie and other popular people in the limelight profess too being, it is the new ‘cool’. !!

    • Same here!

    • I’ve read the “Big Leap,” and knew that upper-limiting and self-sabotage were big issues for me, from my business to my relationship. With my business, I definitely relate to Marie and doing nothing when there is loads to do…my middle name is Procrastinate. LOL…Ugh! And, after 2 1/2 years in a relationship [with an amazing man], I realised that I start fights or try to leave every single time things start to go well. Recently, it was so bad that I knew I would lose him if I didn’t just put a stop to my self-sabotaging behaviour. Hearing Marie and everyone else here talk about their upper-limiting issues definitely helps, but, ultimately, I had to sit and picture my life without everything in it [old and alone] to realise that I could lose it all if I didn’t get a handle on things…and soon!

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Hi Patrycja, thank you so much for checking out this episode, and it’s great to hear that you read “The Big Leap.” Self-sabotaging is such a tricky problem, and it’s great to hear that you’ve started to notice where it might be playing a role in your life. Awareness is the first step to moving past it, and I hope that helps you start finding ways to turn things around. We’re sending our best wishes and cheering you on for overcoming that self-sabotage and upper limit problems! xo

  2. Self sabotage is the devil!!

    I’m so outside of my comfort zone right now. I made a major purchase and I’ve got one more week before I leave for a solo vacay to Prague. I’m tossing myself out there into a completely different and unfamiliar environment. I know that I will grow in so many ways from this trip and it is exciting, but I’m so uncomfortable. I’ve noticed lately that my response has been to binge eating. It’s my way of getting back to the familiar, a way to feel like I am in control.

    A few months ago, I lost my journal. That is another time that I felt completely naked, because all that I poured into that journal was out there somewhere in the world. I learned an important lesson from that experience, one of which is that closed hands can’t grasp new blessings. New blessings won’t come if you are holding on to the familiar for dear life. As Kamal Ravikant said, there is magic on the other side of what you fear. Feel the feeling, acknowledge it, and breathe through it. There are so many blessings and growth that happens once you get past your upper limit. Great advice as always, Marie!

    • “Closed hands can’t grasp new blessings” – oh Ms. Pillowz, thank you. That is a beautiful reminder to me today that I need to open more into receiving. I’ve been doing that and so much goodness came from it that I think I just closed them again to catch up. What’s possible if I just keep them open and know that I’ll always be able to receive more?

      Marie, timely timely video. Thank you for the reminder.

    • Ah, Ms Pillowz, I just want to wish you a wonderful time in Prague! Up until two months ago when I moved to another continent, Prague was my home city. You’re going at the perfect time of year (long winters there, so once spring hits, Praguers are giddy with happiness, everything has a nice fresh feeling and the city is full of a great atmosphere!), I am sure you will have a wonderful time. There is tons to see and do there, and it is a very safe city too, so don’t stress yourself too much with worry before you set out. Just try to say “dekuju” (thank you) to all those blessings coming your way 😉

      • Dekuju, Miranda! Your words give me solace. Now if you could help me pack, we’d be in business! lol

    • Carin

      Bon Voyage, Ms Pillowz! Check out the book The Art of Pilgrimage by Phil Cousineau. I came upon it on a big solo journey and it helped me immensely! Reading it again now!

    • Julie

      Enjoy your trip! I took my first solo vacation last year and it turned out to be blissful. I got up when I wanted, did what I wanted, made time to relax… I came back so refreshed. My hang-up was around meals since meals are social but I would just take my kindle and enjoy the meal and read. In Europe you may get seated at tables with other people so you may yet have people to talk to over meals but don’t sweat it. This solo trip will be a great opportunity to be totally present in every moment.

    • How exciting!!! I’d love to hear the stories you’ll have once you return from your trip.

    • Radka

      Hallo,
      too bad I got to this episode with such a delay – I am from Prague and I would be happy to show you our city, take you for good food…etc..It´s always nice to meet new people! So Ms. Pillowz or anyone else – if you plan to come to Prague and want a local companion for a cup of coffee – let me know! 🙂 I believe we would have lots to talk about, since it seems we have similar interests – at least concerning Marie TV:)
      Radka

  3. Even though I LOVE Gary’s book, too AND have been coaching other fitness professionals to use “fear as their fuel” as they work to put themselves out there in their businesses, I was guilty of upper limiting myself recently!

    I finally launched a self study fitness eCourse at the start of the year and I hired a web designer to get my sales page up. The process was a bit of a nightmare, so when it came to making the course more user friendly, I decided to just keep things simple and run it through e-mail. It’s just a 5 Day course so I figured it would be fine.

    Well…obviously, that’s not super professional and I knew it. So what did I do? I barely promoted it. Every week when I put a little blurb in my newsletter, I prayed no one would sign up! (crazy pants!).

    Luckily, I finally got smart and put more money into the course and moved it to a new platform I love (Zippy Courses….please go check it out, if you have an eCourse hiding up your sleeves!).

    I did a pre-launch with beta testers. I felt so excited to have people try it out once it was all pretty. I let some in for super cheap and then sold the course half off to my list that week. It felt awesome to get sales from the course. People were believing in my product that I’d worked so hard to put together.

    And then….the first day of the course went live.

    I felt so sick to my stomach all day. I thought people would hate it. Even though I’d received great feedback in the past!

    I kept checking my e-mail looking for refund letters or horrible feedback.

    Luckily, I didn’t get any. I got AMAZING feedback instead. Thank goodness!

    While all that felt amazing, the lesson I learned was HUGE. I need to listen to myself and just put myself out there even when I’m afraid. Because the honest truth is that people need what I have. It’s silly and selfish to keep it to myself.

    Realizing that upper limiting exists is important, because once you break through to the other end of that limit lives are changed and NOT just your own!

    I hope anyone reading this can learn from me and just go launch whatever awesome thing they might be hiding!

    And if you are hiding something…tell us what it is! I want to know about it, check it out, and refer some friends who I know would benefit 😉

    • Thank you SO much Catherine. I’m running a free 5-day “Fearless Expression” challenge next week and can relate to the sign up dread! With every email letting me know someone has joined, I think “yay… oh no!”

      At least it’s in that order eh?

      I’ll be checking out Zippy Courses – thanks for the recommendation, and for the reminder about it being selfish to keep it to myself.

      Love Elloa

      • Elloa-

        So glad you’re putting your course out there and getting sign-ups 🙂

        And how funny is it that even those of us who preach being fearless have these moments!

        All the more reason to keep pushing past the fear and seeing what’s on the other side, right 🙂

        Keep us posted on how things go after the 5 days! And yes, SOOOO love Zippy! I thought customer service was dead, but they have changed my mind. Can’t say enough good things about the product and service and I’m not an affiliate. Just someone who needed to get her course in order and SO grateful that they made it easy 🙂

        Good luck!

        -Catherine

        • Catherine, thank you so much for your reply. Fear is with me every single day. It’s who I choose to be in the middle of these moments that really counts. And on the days when I can’t access being fearless, perhaps I can fear… less.

          I’ll keep you posted!

      • This is right on time, Elloa! I just signed up and I’m looking forward to this. I’ve really been going inside lately with my writing and expression, but it’s so easy to back off just when a breakthrough is happening to avoid whatever emotions have come up. It is my hope that by signing up, I’ll be pushed to go beyond my comfort zone. I’m ready for the magic!! Thanks for sharing!

        • Oh Ms. Pillowz… I am so glad you’re on board! Feel free to shoot me an email anytime 🙂

      • Elloa,

        Send me a link to sign up to your 5 day “Fearless Expression” I would love to participate in this challenge as I am getting ready to launch a new platform for my business!!! Thanks

        And Yes – it does matter who we are being in between the fearful moments!!
        Love this posting from Marie!!

    • Gloria

      Thank you for sharing! This was really encouraging. It’s great to be reminded that we’re all on the same journey, and that other people are also similarly freaking out in their heads about steps forward only to realise that things aren’t as bad as we think, and in fact sometimes they’re awesome!!

    • Sandi

      If you don’t know who she is, you need to run and check out Tara Gentile. She is one of the best business coaches around, not a cookie cutter. Her program currently running on Creative Live is awesome. You will learn so much and understand how to create a stand-out business. (I have no affiliation with her and have never purchased a course other than her Creative Live classes.)

    • Catherine,
      Every word you wrote resonates with me! Thank you for putting your experience into words. I have been guilty of not promoting in the past for the same reasons, I wasn’t comfortable with the product I was putting out there. I am currently in the brainstorming phase of how I really want to serve my audience and your words give me so much encouragement!
      Blessings!

      • Aw, Beverly, I’m so glad. I can’t wait to hear about your product. If you’re still stuck, I’d ask your audience what they want through a survey. If you keep the questions fairly open, you should be able to get some great ideas (and definitely great phrasing to use in your marketing).

        I hope that helps.

        Keep moving forward!

  4. YES! Exactly what I neded to see today! I have had a killer backache for 8 days now but I know that there is nothing wrong! It is juat drama. Proof? I came to my 9-5 and starting workng yesterday and BOOM the pain was gone! I am makin huge shifts in my biz and moving into full-time ME.

    i am launching a launching a workshop -BREAK THE MOLD- to help women identify the mold they are in and break out on to their true pathway to financial success! I am so excited! It makes sense this is coming up physically but I won’t let the fear run me. I will breakout!

    • I am so excited to hear your words. You have touched on some of
      my issues. thank you

  5. Hi Marie,

    This happened to me a few weeks back and I wanted to bang my head on a wall because on it. All the hard work I put into my blog since 2013 is really paying off and my visitors and sales were hitting peak and at there highest they have ever been.

    I’ve been waiting and praying for this moment, but what did I do? I stopped working. I can’t explain it but I just didn’t do any work at all on my blog. I felt depressed. After a week I got over it and research ‘the fear of success’ which seemed to fit what I was going through.

    The strategy I use now is to have a plan written down encase it happens again. List down 5 things you will do when you are feeling like this.

    Mine is to …
    1. Get in my 8 hours of sleep (because this feeling exhaust me).
    2. Arrange to meet up with friends (just do something fun I love, even if I take a day off).
    3. Review all my short and long term goals.

    Thanks for sharing what happened to you Marie. It certainly helps hearing that someone like you has also experienced this type of issue

    Naomi

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Naomi, yes to all of those! Especially getting more sleep and having fun. Those always make me feel better, too.

    • Josephine

      Wow, Naomi. I’m totally stealing this strategy. I’ve been pushing myself hsrder, to no avail. Going to try your method instead.

      • Hi Josephine,

        I made the mistake of pushing myself harder and harder (even though I was advise not to) and it made my body weak. I had a minor operation which had a recovery time of 24-48 hours. But because I had weakened my immune system I develop a haematoma, had to be hospitalized, heavily medicated and was out of action for 9 days.

        I never get ill. I can’t remember the last time I had a cold. But to hear doctors tells me that I was so ill, that I had to stay was my wake up call to look after myself . Mind, Body and Soul. Which is why I have the strategy in place now.

        Without your health you can’t run your business anyway! So don’t feel guilty, take time out because a well rested you is actually good for business.

        Naomi

  6. Loved “The Big Leap.” It’s on my list of must reads. Completely reframed my perspective on self-sabotage. I remember reading it a couple of years ago. That weekend I made a decision to finally join a group I’d been eyeing for a while but was scared. I went to the meeting and was flying high because I felt like I’d found my tribe. Came home on cloud nine and stubbed the hell out of my toe to the point I thought it was broken.

    The pain hadn’t fully subsided until I realized it was an upper limit issue. Hadn’t been that elated in a while so I hurt myself on an I object that was NEVER an issue before then.

    Now, I’m very conscious of the ways in which I temper my being. I always say the best thing about self-imposed limitations is that they’re entirely optional. “The Big Leap” help me consciously reset my thermostat.

    .

  7. I consciously identify & release limiting beliefs. I face my fears and other limiting emotions and move through them and they don’t trigger me anymore. Sometimes a simple tool helps, and at other times, deep work is necessary. Although I do this work myself, the roots of some of these thought patterns lie very deep and I get help from another expert to get past my blind spots. It always takes me a step forward and helps me move to my next level… every single day!

  8. This explains a lot, such a great video – I think I have been guilty of this a few times in my life!!! Thanks for an awesome explanation Marie!

  9. That explains why the sniffles have hit me 3 times in the last 2 months!!! I just thought I wasn’t taking enough care of myself… But between launching my first online program, reassessing my other business, and not really taking care of myself in the process… This was inevitable.

    Sitting tight… And pumping up the vitamins and rest!

  10. Oh my gosh – this literally is happening to me at this moment. I just signed on three new clients in a week who are amazing, kind and my absolute ideal clients. The next day I woke up with a crushing sinus pressure headache. I thought maybe I had allergies, but I’ve never had allergies. Then I thought maybe it’s a sinus infection, or bird flu, or {insert random illness here!}. I’ve been running at about 50% for over a week, feeling rotten, went to the doctor and he just called me yesterday to say, there’s nothing wrong with you.

    This is totally an upper limit problem!

    I just stepped into the reality and manifestation of a lifestyle and soul-based business I’ve been slowly creating for several years and I think the shock of “oh my gosh, this is real, and possible and I’m actually living it,” freaked me out a bit. It feels almost strange to me that it’s so easy, I’m so passionate about the work every day and that my clients are so incredible. I’m getting Gay’s book and I’m saying THANK YOU, for the awareness you’ve shared in this video and to the other kind souls for sharing their experiences in the forum. Go Marie & team! Love this… My upper limit is completely adjustable! 🙂 YAY!

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Jill, yes! Your upper limit is what you make it, right? Enjoy the book!

  11. This video was so juicy!! I have noticed a pattern that when I make major strides in my business I will totally sabotage too.

    -staying up till 4am watching netflix
    -binging on sugar to the point of getting a headache
    -feeling suuuuper tired and wanting to stay in bed all day

    I think there is just a lot of energy and sensation to be with when you uplevel and it’s scary. I’ve noticed that witnessing it and loving myself through my resistance definitely seems to help. Great video Marie!

    • Rebecca, I love this. I was thinking “I don’t really do that anymore” (I used to drop the ball at work), but reading your comment, I now realise that I’ve just shifted the way I self-sabotage – I watch netflix til the early morning hours too. The lack of sleep makes my arthritis worse and then I have a great excuse – pain and inflammation – for doing less work, being in a grumpy mood, etc. Amazing how we humans operate. I’d be interested to hear what exactly you do to “love yourself through your resistance”. x

      • LOL, Rebecca, you have started a trend with the Netflix confessions. Yes, guilty of that myself. And adding to that, “just one more cup of tea” and then I am too wired to sleep. I have been described as an “over achiever” and very much the routine girl. Getting up early, doing things by the clock, scheduling my calendar and working until almost midnight on my career. I once made 20 cold calls per day every day for 3 months. However, 3 days ago all of this stopped and just as I am making big progress in my business. I stopped wearing a watch and feeling like I want to be in the natural rhythm and flow of my life, however this has meant waking up close to noon on occasion (yes after consuming Netflix and Hulu too might I add – lol) and suddenly my routine is out the window. Thankfully I caught on to what was happening and am now sleeping earlier and wearing my watch again. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. So refreshing to know we are not alone.

  12. I can relate to self-sabotage. But, it isn’t after I’ve had some spurt of growth, or have attained some incredible success. Rather, it is when I am in the midst of struggle and I set myself further back. I do not know if anyone in your audience can relate to this, or not. It is cathartic just to post. Thanks for the tips.

    • Brooke

      Chas!

      I can totally relate to that. I get sick, or I accidentally lose or break things, I forget to do important things, I find myself picking fights. I think it fits with the upper limit thing – it’s like our upper limits are so solidified our bodies can tell we’re about to reach them, so we sabotage before we get there.

      Just wanted you to know you’re not alone 🙂

      • Mallory

        “our bodies can tell we’re about to reach them, so we sabotage before we get there.”
        Oh my god, yes that’s it. It’s like my body knows when I’m on the *brink* of feeling the way I want to feel, making that leap, manifesting what I want, etc. I don’t feel like I ever hit an upper limit – it’s when I’m in my flow, really striving and focused on getting there that I see it’s really *possible* and freak out, put on the breaks, create problems, yadayada.
        This while thing is a huge breakthrough for me. I just have to feel it and push on. If you don’t do what fear says, it has no power. And on the other side of fear is magic >:)

        • `This absolutely describes me, too. In my writing when I get to a point where things seem to be working well, I run away -one second I’m sitting at my desk, the next I am in another room or outside, with no recollection of how I teleported. I have also noticed that when I get to a difficult point in the narrative, instead of tackling that difficulty, I raise the bar even higher.

      • Thank you for replying. It helps to know that others experience the same thing.

        • Sophiek

          Yes yes yes. For me it is also called procrastination! Also, I will tend to move the goal posts just as I’m about to kick a goal, denying myself the chance to enjoy success and be grateful. I have also noticed I do it with food too. Taking a second helping instead of truly digesting and enjoying and being grateful for the meal I have had!

  13. Eva

    Thank you Marie,

    Just this moment I was feeling very bad. As I got an opportunity to finally claim my financial independence, I still didn’t take the action steps that need to be taken. And as a person who has a sensitive body and is very conscious about the importance to take good care of it, I just downed a whole bag of chips..
    I went from excited about having this opportunity and the freedom that it might bring, to feeling down and more down when I stuffed myself with too much and the wrong foods.
    I had just thrown the bag of chips into the trash when this mail title ; Self-sabotage plopped into my mailbox!
    No matter how bad I felt, I couldn’t deny grinning, life has got some humor ;)!
    Love!

  14. Hi Marie, I was surprised you didn’t mention that you can use EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to enable you to become comfortable with your new status. But then maybe you didn’t know about it.

    • Louise - Team Forleo

      Patricia,
      EFT is very powerful. Thank you for mention it and adding to the amazing arsenal for people. We actually have an entire episode about it at http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/04/tapping-eft/.

    • I was using EFT yesterday to deal with this problem. I’m a hairstylist trying to market myself more by passing out flyers. Yesterday I went to the mall to pass out flyers and when I came home I felt so angry even though it had gone great. I knew that there was something under the anger so I used EFT to help me uncover those feelings. I’m still nervous about it all but I feel much better after getting down to the root of the problem and making a conscious decision to not let it stop me. EFT really works.

  15. Hi Marie,

    Loved your reference to Finland in the intro. Yes, we do get a lot of sun in the summer, and it’s almost here!

    Your topic of today was also very current for me. I’m just getting my blog out there and only today have over 1500% more users! At the same time I have completely dropped the ball at home (I’m a stay at home mom at the moment so keeping the house is my responsibility), forget to eat properly, miss exercise and I’m having bad headaches because of these bad choices almost every day. Doesn’t sound like a long term way of working!

    You’re right that you should just take a step back and take extra care of the responsibilities and possibilities you already have, keep the foundations rock solid so you can build something great on top of them. This is something that I must do or I will burn out very quickly.

    • Helena

      Hei Tiia, I am going to visit my cousin in Mariehamn next month, it’s so serendipitious that Marie mentioned Finland and the fact that I have had a stiff neck and headaches for the last 3 weeks. I can see it is a self sabotage, the Finland reference bought it to my attention even more.

  16. I’m going through an upper limit issue right now. I hit a record level on my blog this month, launched a new course and woke up last Tuesday with a pinched nerve in my neck. I read The Big Leap about a year ago, so I’m keenly aware of what’s going on, but it’s still frustrating! I’m taking it easy, going to the Chiropractor and working on staying positive and moving forward. Thanks for sharing your story, Marie. It helps to know I’m not alone!

  17. OMG! This came at a time when I needed it. I have just had a MAJOR breakthrough and was ecstatic. Then all the sudden I started feeling tired and drained. I realized that I was self sabotaging and vowed to work through it. Then I woke up and this message was in my inbox! Thank you, Marie this was right on point and right on time.

  18. Melody

    Thank you for sharing this. I am dealing with resistance today and I’m grateful for the reminder not to run and hide, but to simply feel it and breathe. Also, the reminder to be on the lookout for compulsive behaviours like binge eating.

  19. marina

    Awesome video!
    for me, what happens is that I cannot fall asleep at night – this year has been especially good, with so many good changes already happened, and more coming – and I was just so overwhelmed by all the good stuff..still overwhelmed, but trying to take it easy – and constantly remind myself that is what I wanted and be grateful for the changes 🙂

  20. Pam

    I have run my own business in a lovely little town in Nova Scotia for 38 years. This has been an issue for me at times and was thrilled to find the technique of EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique.
    It is an integrated technique combining voicing your concerns while tapping on specific meridian techniques. EFT, or Tapping, is helping people all over the world deal efficiently with chronic physical and emotional issues.
    As a current B-Schooler, I’m happy to share this with my new peeps!

  21. Thank you so much for this! I didn’t realize I was doing this but it makes total sense!

  22. So THAT’S what that is!! I always wondered why I completely fall apart when things are good. Thanks for the insight. I’m now going to keep an eye on things so I don’t self sabotage.

    Another fantabulous episode! Have an awesome day

  23. My upper limit problem is this:

    knowing exactly what my next step should be, but ending up procrastinating on that next step.

    So I’ll do a million of other things which you can still call “work”, but I’ll sabotage the next big thing that will push me even further ahead.

    When it comes to how to stop it? I’m still looking for a perfect solution 🙂

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Kat, I totally hear you. I think your awareness of the procrastination might actually be part of the answer for you!

  24. This has perfect timing! I am giving a big presentation tonight and found myself doing things OTHER than studying and memorizing what I want to say.

    Intellectually I KNOW how important this is for me and for many others, but your words were like a whack across the side of the head (in a nice way:)). I have all day to study, learn, and make it the best presentation ever, as long as I stay aware of my upper limit sabotages: stalling, procrastination, finding something else “important” to do.

    Thank you thank you thank you!!!

  25. Hi Marie! Perfect timing…experiencing this right now as I’ve had some momentum and ‘wins’ in my business. Trouble sleeping and wanting to run just like the girl in the Q! So happy it’s not just me and I love being able to acknowledge it. Pushing through. Thanks again!

  26. Another great Vlog! Although I spend a great deal of time and effort to create greater success in my life, I often have that part of me that also wants to run and hide!! Right now I feel like I am in an ‘in between area’ – since losing my job a couple of years ago, I’ve just been drifting between jobs, courses and focusing on my primary goal as an author. However, I feel very much in limbo right now – I’m not quite successful enough to just write, I can’t seem to find any work that interests me (or I do and they ignore my resume), but I’m also fearful of going BACK – back to the dead end jobs because there’s almost a part of me that CAN’T go back. I often think it is actually ME holding myself back and keeping myself in limbo. Looks like I might have to read this book you recommended today. I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone on this one:-) Thanks.

  27. This video is RAD, as always, Marie!

    Two books that popped into my head that have been helping me with self-sabotage are:

    1) Playing Big by Tara Mohr. Holy crap, is that ever a powerful book. She talks about hiding strategies that many of us use to keep from playing big (I was excelling at all of them 😉 ), communication “tics” that erode our power and confidence, how to take leaps without crapping your pants, and so much more juicy stuff.

    2) Tapping Into Wealth by Margaret M. Lynch. I’ll admit that I thought tapping was a little silly at first, but I’m hooked now because it totally works. This entire book is fab, but one thing in particular really relates to Marie’s video, and that’s the concept of a wealth set point. Lynch feels that we will subconsciously do whatever it takes to maintain our wealth set point, e.g. frittering away money or avoiding increased earning potential, unless we consciously raise that set point, and one way to do that is with tapping, which she shows you how to do in the book.

    Thanks for another thought-provoking Q&A, Marie!

    • Thank you so much for those recommendations, Melissa. I had a real aha moment (heart thumping, near nausea) when you mentioned the wealth set point – I can’t believe how much I have sabotaged myself by avoiding increasing my earning potential – and although I am not a big spender, the ‘frittering’ is really apt. I think there is a bit of a ‘You-Don’t-Deserve-More Gremlin lurking here and in many of the other sabotage experiences mentioned in these responses.

      • I totally know what you mean, Miranda! I had the same experience while reading the book–heart pounding, stomach lurching; I felt like the author was reading my mind. The upside is that by using the tools in the tapping book, I’ve been able to make some serious changes in my money habit without feeling massive resistance, and that, coupled with the tools in the Playing Big book, is creating massive change in my life. I hope they do the same for you!

  28. I feel like being afraid of success is completely irrational and don’t understand why anyone would be, however, I must be. I find one million ways to avoid doing the things I need to do help push me forward. Whenever things are going well, I’m confronted with completely unimportant things that I feel I must take care of before I can be “ready.” I’m aware of how completely silly it is, but just can’t seem to get over that hump. I guess I just need to keep pushing through. Two steps forward, one step back–I’ll get there eventually 🙂

  29. Sofia Souza

    Wow, I am so ashamed! My husband and I recently built our “dream house”, and it turned out to simply be way, way more than actually both of us dreamed, definitely more than I am comfortable with. And lately, I have been pushing people away full throttle, picking fights, feeling so justified, ending 15 year friendships! I did figure out it is a problem I am having that is totally in me, but just couldn’t understand why! Where was all this chaos coming from?
    This really makes so much sense to me… So thank you so much for showing me a way that could be the way out of this self inflicted misery! Thanks for caring and sharing!

  30. I definitely haven’t hit that upper limit yet – and now I’m glad to know that if something weird happens I’ll know that could be what it is! I can’t WAIT to have some big wins and I know it will come since I’m in B School and willing to work hard and do whatever it takes to get there.
    xoxox!
    Dawn

  31. Marie, what an interesting topic! I definitely have a story of self-sabotage where it comes to my career, but I’m not sure if it’s not for the better…

    Just like yourself, I’ve had a go at several career paths. I was initially trained as a Biological Engineer and worked at reputable scientific research institutions during my Master’s studies (even got a paper published in Cell Press Structure).

    I was doing pretty well, but I wasn’t happy. I knew that was not what I wanted to do as a career, and so I jumped at the opportunity when Goldman Sachs offered me a position as an equity research analyst in London.

    Again there, I was pretty successful. My career was going well, and I got a lot of responsibility pretty early on. But I was unhappy with my personal life and eventually decided to resign 3 1/2 years after joining the firm.

    I took some time off, trained as a Life Coach and did an MBA. Although I knew that I wanted to become a coach full time, I took a position at Royal Dutch Shell, which seemed a more secure path than entrepreneurship.

    Again, career-wise things were going really well, and I even got myself a nice raise. But I soon decided to resign because I wasn’t happy in my position and the time it was taking away from my family and my passion for coaching.

    In sum, I tend to get pretty nice positions and do well in my jobs. But sooner or later I end-up resigning.

    Is this an upper limit issue, or simply a vocational misalignment?

    Now, I’ve started my own business as a coach (thank you B-School!). I hope to have finally found my niche and a long-term career 🙂

  32. I am SO guilty of this that my chest is STILL tight after watching the video! In fact, I’ve been guilty of this multiple times in my life, but I was guilty of it about 5 minutes before I got the email that Q&A Tuesday had been released this week. (Talk about timing, huh?)

    I’ve been trying to figure out how to achieve my vision of helping entrepreneurs create gorgeous websites for hardly any money when they’re starting out – it’s been what I’ve been hoping to be able to accomplish for as long as I’ve been in business – and everything I thought of had no hope of working out.

    But two days ago, I FIGURED IT OUT!!! And for the past two days, I’ve been feverishly documenting my thoughts, the beginning of the process of putting it together, thinking through all of the things that will have to come together to make it happen, and what all I need to get done in the next few weeks to really put this out there……..and every time I start a new note in Evernote to capture another piece of the puzzle, my fingers freeze and my brain blanks right before I type ANYTHING. And I start a new note because I just had an “AHA – I need to capture this!” thought! And then I freeze!

    I have such a hard time putting myself out there. And this is going to require videos, a great sales page, a meticulously detailed plan of action…..and all of those thoughts make me sometimes say, “Who am I to do this? Is anyone really going to want this? CAN I actually do this???”

    I’m freaking scared to death. I want to be the person this world needs for budding entrepreneurs, so they actually have a fighting chance in this crazy online world………I hope I can achieve it! I actually have a cold/hot sensation right on my breastbone from thinking/writing about all of this.

    Thank you for at least opening my eyes to my upper limit problem and encouraging me that I CAN move my upper limit!! You always seem to hit a topic that I’m right in the middle of, Marie!!

    • Hi, Lori!

      We/I DO need you! I already know you are amazing and saw your post here so I couldn’t keep from asking you to keep going and…do message me when you get your offer figured out. I want to check it out!

      Your *still* tech challenged B-School friend,
      Catherine

      • Hey Catherine! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re still having website issues. Yes, I believe I have finally figured out a solution that will WORK, be AFFORDABLE for newer entrepreneurs, and NOT completely make me broke and begging!! I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure this out, but I’m so glad I’ve had the epiphany! The problem is that there are a LOT of moving parts, especially at first (to get it all up and running) and I hope I can organize my thoughts enough to not have to go back and fix things that I’ve created later on because I realized that there’s a WAY better way.

        So I’m trying to go through the whole process and see how to lay it out and what to tackle first. Sadly, organization is NOT my strong point, and it’s often where I fall flat and quit because it all seems too overwhelming. And then I start going down the whole “It doesn’t really matter anyway…….does anyone really need or want this?……” rabbithole……

        But I really DO think this is needed and doable, so I’m going to do what I can to make it happen!

        Plus, I’ve set a financial goal for myself that feels WAY past my upper limit, so this kills two birds with one stone!!

        (*Immediately starts fidgeting and fighting the urge to close her laptop and run away screaming*)

        • Hi Lori,
          I don’t know about you, but I often need to tell an idea to somebody before it get’s tangible. Before it stops to slip away like sand. The questions they always have (it’s kinda blurry when I start telling) help me to expand on the idea. And some ‘why do you do that (in that way)’-questions are very good for that second question: does anybody need it? It is a question I learned the hard way to ask first, before developing. I sabotaged myself big time by not wanting to ask for feedback, I was so scared at that time that nobody would like what I had to offer that I preferred to work hard to put it together and then tell nobody about it 😀 – or, in a second version, work hard and make a product nobody wanted to pay for.

          • Wise words, Sin – thank you! I do need to put some feelers out there, and I’m thinking of creating a landing page where I discuss what I’m about to put out there and start getting email addresses of those who would be interested in this product. And putting myself on the hook for it (if I see that people really ARE wanting this, like I think they are) should push me through to be accountable to those people who are interested in it! Putting together a quick video talking about what I’m going to do will help me gather my thoughts. And I could also ask them for feedback that will help me mold the program! 🙂

        • Haha! Well, if you’re ever looking for someone to survey, I’m your ICA all the way so feel free to hit me up 🙂

          • Thanks, Catherine! I will definitely be looking for feedback along the way!

        • Gosh Lori, this feels like such a great idea – I wish you all the best with breaking through the overwhelm. I certainly want to check out your offerings when you get there – Meanwhile be gentle with yourself.

          I am B-Schooling and starting from scratch – my offerings are for gentling people through procrastination. An earlier (but still hovering) me certainly forms part of my ICA. This video and all these great responses have provided lots of great food for thought.

          • Thank you for the encouraging words, Miranda! I have been known to suffer from procrastination throughout my life! Lately I don’t so much procrastinate as much as I just don’t have enough time to do everything I feel like I need and/or want to do!

            I have been working diligently since I had this idea on Sunday to write down my thoughts, organize a plan, and really set things in motion. This is exactly what I feel like I’ve been called to do and I’m so excited to have finally caught that thought that will bring my vision to reality!

            I will definitely let people know (especially B-Schoolers – that’s probably where I’ll post about this first) when I’m ready for people to start letting me know they’re interested. That shouldn’t be too long – I’ve already started crafting my landing page to collect emails of people who want more info! Hope I can help you when it’s time!

  33. This is TOTALLY me. I’ve been sick for the last week and a half…totally weak and nauseous. I’ve changed my diet a bit and that’s helped. I think I’m scared because this is my last month of steady employment before I start focusing mainly on my business. Changes freak me out! But I’m hanging in there. And I’m taking care of myself in the process.

  34. Lori Dawson

    Great video! I get sick, too, and hadn’t realized that this is probably the cause. My system for busting through Upper Limits is to face the fear and take action anyway. Taking action will either prove the fear right or prove it wrong. I decide what result I really want, create a simple step-by-step action plan designed to get me that result and get it done. If I don’t quite get the result I”m looking for, I tweak my plan and do it again. This simple system has resulted in the creation of more than one multi-million dollar business.

  35. Hi Marie – My friend and I have been discussing upper limiting for months. It is absolutely fascinating. Your business spin on it was so helpful and comforting it brought me to tears. My women’s urban cycling apparel start-up has been going great. More than great. I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Last week I met with a fantastic video producer who was sufficiently moved to share the risks and rewards of putting together a Kickstarter video for me. This follows months of similarly exciting developments and momentum in my business including overwhelming encouragement and support from the people I am meeting along this path.

    After all this, this past Monday morning it took me 3 hours to get out of bed, and start in on the tasks I needed to do. I am a very energetic, self-starter so this behavior surprises me, though I’ve seen it before. It feels as if something is pulling me down, and I believe the something is upper limiting. Your advice was great. I’ve written the quotes down and am working on mindfulness.

    It is an inspiration to see you succeed at something that you love, that you were willing to take risks to create. Looking forward to learning more from your site! Keep it coming!

  36. Lorri

    I enjoyed this video and I do hope one day when I actually begin feeling successful in my business I realize sooner then later I myself can go beyond the happy goal fulfilled limits I have set for myself and work through it

  37. Ray Narcisse

    I’m 45 . When I look up self sabotage in the dictionary I feel like there should be a picture of myself there. Weather its’ Fitness , Financial, Spiritual or relationship goals I get out of control. I seem to over indulge in every bad habit of I can think of right when I’m about to make a significant advance. I wont go as far as loosing what I already have ( well maybe spiritually and relationally for a while ). I’m getting really tired of this cycle …..I’m going no where. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Love, Peace & Positive Thoughts

    Ray

  38. I’m always on the look out for things like that. My work is on releasing the root cause of the ‘pain’ and ‘struggles’.

    2 weeks ago I got a cold sore (which i haven’t had in years) just as my boyfriend was going away on a trip. I also got very sick just after he left in February. So looking into it, I found emotions of grief and abandonment and trauma from a past-life.

    I’m glad it did come out so I could look and heal those parts. When we stop and pay attention we can find why we do what we do 🙂

  39. M

    This is a great video Marie, I found it to be very helpful. You have just reminded me to take time out to self reflect. For yes, I have found myself in this situation. I have to remind myself that I am allowed to happy. It is so easy for me to want to see others happy, to wish happiness wholeheartedly for others, but I recognize that I have been less than generous with myself. The enemy within is more dangerous than any outside threat. I am conscious and aware of these behaviors most of the time, in those times I have to make an effort to dominate this thing.

    Thanks again. And keep doing what you are doing. We need more positive subjects like this. You are truly helping people.

  40. Angela

    Had this problem just recently when expanding my buisness and I did an EFT Tapping (tapping solution.com) session with a local EFT practitioner. Sure enough as we are tapping in my meridian points and talking through the self-sabotage some big came up for me! It was the belief that if I don’t need help people will leave me. You can easily see in childhood how we could develop this subconscious belief; busy parents only paying attention to the kids when they are in need of assistance/sort out a problem etc. Anyway I had a massive break through and several things have just manifested into my life since and I am feeling totally comfortable with the idea of being abundant, where as before I felt vulnerable if I was abundant and now I see why. In my subconscious mind abundance = people leaving me. Crazy the layers of our mind! Thanks for a great QnA! I think EFT is super worthwhile checking out on YouTube and learn it yourself for free or find a local practitioner!
    Blessings! 🙂

  41. Awesome episode 🙂

  42. I have the exact same issue sickness issue! I get super sick after I do something big in my business.

    First big and successful workshop? Huge fever & headaches.
    2 Clients sign on at once? Puke town.
    Finish creating my website? Mono without actually having mono.

    I started calling it my bad-ass hangover. Anytime I felt like I had done something awesome it was accompanied very quickly with an awful hangover. Now I know when I have some big win that the next day I need to take AT LEAST the morning super easy. If I can take the whole day off, I’ll do that too. The best thing is to schedule as if you KNOW it’s going to be amazing but that can sometimes be a tough beast to predict.

    Huge conference to go to? Massage for the next day.
    5 sample sessions lined up? Fancy dinner reservations for the evening.
    Project completion date coming up? Treat yo’self.

    Glad to have it normalized a bit! 😉

  43. Naya

    Timely.

    My boyfriend and I never fight, we get on well very well, he is a gem, I am so grateful to live with such an amazing human being.

    He went traveling with friends, I have been sulking at him for 2 days (not answering mails, text not returning calls), and I”ve felt scared, unsecure since he left.

    We told each other before he left that we want to marry to each other.

    As I watched this, I started crying, I understood that my upper limit of happiness in a relationship has been reached…

    Thanks for this!

  44. This is such an excellent topic, Marie, and it gave me so much to think about. I haven’t heard the idea of upper limits addressed before (although it sounds as though there is info out there about it). It’s thought-provoking to hear your experiences with it. This is something I need to look more closely at within myself.
    Paula

  45. THIS was exactly what I needed to hear right before I pressed SEND on a huge project for my work on body acceptance – going to yoga school so teach plus size women yoga!!

    My business has gained a lot of amazing support and press, and each time I’m on to the next level, I get to scared!! Scare that people will say “ENOUGH ALREADY RACHEL.” But it’s so not true.

    To break out of it I remind myself: my work is for the people who want it and need it – not to those that don’t get it.

    THANK YOU….and I did press send 🙂

  46. MARIE! This was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m still in the beginning stages of my business and every time I sign someone up for my private coaching program, I almost want to run and hide.

    Just yesterday I sent an article on my story with depression and how I overcame that with what I teach today in my health coaching business to MindBodyGreen. As I hesitated to send it, I finally hit send and I was like “Oh s***, what did I do?” I ran up to my fiancé and cried because I was scared. I’m scared of what was to come after it is submitted (if it submits), good or bad. The haters and backlashes, the negative Nancys and people that may point out that I’m wrong, if it even gets accepted… Even the possibility of having more subscribers on my email list. Once I’m out there and vulnerable, there’s no going back. It’s one of the many reasons why I haven’t submitted anything until now even though I’ve been wanting to for a while.

    My upper limit is being pushed with lots of resistance and I feel slightly nauseous from how nervous I am! But I came to the idea that comforted me through this uncomfortable wave of fear and doubt… If I could at least help one person to have the intention of finding a better solution for their depression, I did my job with that article well… 🙂

  47. Julie

    I have so been experiencing this recently and tend to procrastinate. I have always felt good about change but now I’m expanding myself, I can see that my version of change was actually keeping me in the same zone all along.
    Thanks for the great insights Marie. x

  48. Wow! This just happened yesterday – literally, Migraine all day , worst one ever, nothing worked. Took three doses of meds. It was the first day of a new routine that was going to take my biz to the next level. Has happened several times before and never put it together.

    Thanks for spot lighting the problem and the timing is amazing.

    You are awesome Marie….. 🙂

  49. Marie, this video was EXACTLY what I needed today. Thank you! I’m working on growing my business to be a sustainable source of income by July – I’m moving to a new state for my husband to do his PhD, and I want to be fully self-employed by then so I can work from home and care for my 15 month-old son. It’s an ambitious goal that TERRIFIES me, and I’ve noticed some self-sabotage creeping in (although I didn’t have the words for it until today).

    Working on expanding over here. xox

  50. I feel like this video was talking specifically to me. By the way this is my FIRST time ever commenting on one of your videos Marie. I’ve just enjoyed watching every week and never wrote anything until now. I also feel like “running away” when things get too good but I simply pause and try to figure it out versus actually running away but inaction sabotages me too. I’m so glad that I watched this. I feel like it explains what I had always been feeling and I don’t want my future to be like my past so I will continue forward past that barrier toward my success with my freelancing and my blog. Thanks for all that you do Marie! You are one of the women that inspire me so much. 🙂

    Nicole

    • Nicole – I relate to you so much! Not wanting my future to look like my past… breaking old barriers/habits and moving towards success.. yes and yes!

      • Absolutely! We gotta make sure that we learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward! 🙂 Virtual fist bump!

  51. Shilpa. Chaudhary

    Hi Marie,

    Thank you for doing this.

    I am working in a startup. I have this problem of anxiety.
    Whenever a new responsibility is given to me I make myself small and not able to give my best shot while otherwise I keep looking for responsibilities. I think that I can do more,but when it actually comes to deliver, I get nervous.
    This time I am given a new assignment and I really want to perform while enjoying it.
    Please suggest how to get over this.

  52. I just finished this book as well! It opened my eyes to what was going on. I get sick during big transitions. Colds and body aches/inflamation. Accompanied by lots of anxiety that puts me in a hostile mood. I still don’t have a good answer as to how to tackle this, but having awareness is a good start for me.

    • Leah – I experience anxiety as well during big transitions! It can really feel paralyzing. I agree that I don’t exactly know how to tackle it, but I’m hoping that with more awareness the solution will become more clear!

  53. Jeanette

    Marie – your posts are so timely to my life and insightful! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experiences with the world!

  54. This really put words to what I’ve been feeling lately! I’ve been experiencing breakthroughs in my art (which is so exciting!) but am fearful of the responsibility that may come with growing my art business in this new direction! I’m worried that my fear may prevent the growth that I so strongly want to achieve! Hopefully I can learn some lessons to face those fears instead of run from them, and in return, hurt myself & my dreams.
    Thank you for this video, Marie!

  55. This video couldn’t have been more timely. Recently, I had a huge spike in followers on my Instagram – something I’ve been working to achieve for some time now. At first, I was super excited – trying determine how to grow from there and market myself and my work properly. Sure enough, I started receiving e-mails from different people and organizations that I admire – just what I wanted, right? Except, all of a sudden, I’ve been noticing myself retreat from the opportunities that have been offered to me. It was the strangest thing and I couldn’t figure out why I was behaving this way. Why would I drop the ball on something that I’ve wanted for so long?

    Thank you so much, Marie, for sharing this knowledge and insight. It all makes sense now. Just have to figure out how to push through…

  56. OH MY GOODNESS!! This Marie TV episode came at the perfect time for me!

    I just moved to a much better apartment, got back from vacation, started working with new clients and made it halfway through B-School, but I have this inexplicable feeling of anxiety, almost like I’m being crushed and not doing enough to succeed.

    Things I’m going to do about it: ramp up my yoga and dance classes, call up my mom and my best friend (sometimes you just need to talk it out) and perhaps do something for myself like getting my nails done or something.

    Just writing this down makes me feel a bit better 🙂

    As always, thanks Marie!

    • Suzie bartle

      Natalie – thank you so much for this. I’m also doing B-School and it sounds like we’re going through similar emotions. I’ve just not yet got to the place of how to fix my anxieties but you’ve inspired me:) Now for finding things that’ll make me feel better…

      All the best!!

  57. This has been a big issue for me for years! In relationships, personal growth, business growth, health, etc. I read Gay’s book last year (so good!), but still haven’t found a way to deal with these “upper limiting” problems, which plague me daily. Even with high levels of awareness of exactly WHAT is happening WHEN it’s happening, it flattens me. Sometimes brushing my teeth is impossible, or a shower. In a couple of days to a few weeks, the feeling passes and I start all over again, determined to figure out how to move forward. It truly is a hindrance, but I’m determined to use it to my advantage. And someday I hope to be able to deal with these situations more gracefully and smoothly.

    Thank you for all you do, Marie. I love that you tackle these subjects in your videos.

  58. Lisa S

    I’m currently doing this right now! Great timing.
    Marie, I love your pre & post clips almost as much as the meaty part.
    Never stop including them PLEASE

  59. OMGosh Marie! you won’t believe it but just this morning I wrote in my journal, the very first thing, “I think it’s time to reread The Big Leap. I’m fending off scarcity and need reinforcement…I’m facing procrastination of implementation – I’ve learned what I need to do and am doing some of it – but need to buckle down and just do it – the marketing, that’s the lifeblood of a freelancer’s life.

    take back control of your day, don’t let whim and fear open yourself to excuses. be fearless, fierce and determined!! relentless in drumming up opportunity, generosity, inspiration and aide.”

    Holy cow, holy cow!!! is this a VLOG a divine gift and message from the universe – through you!!! – or what?!!

    So writing to get my focus straight and a brisk walk help me. As does rereading the Big Leap when I begin to get wishy-washy or scared. And my mantra is “Every day I grow in love, energy, abundance, awareness and success, and inspire others to do the same so I can reach my highest good to love and serve the world.”

    Thank you soooo much, Marie!

    xoxoMichele

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Love the synchronicity of this for you, Michele!!

  60. Suzie bartle

    OMG!!! This totally happens to me. I would almost say it happens everytime i get something good about to happen rather than happening. Just as i’m about to sit back and think ‘life is doing me good’ i start to find myself running to my next drama so that thing never actually happens. Like b-school. This year i have made it to module 6*does a little dance* when last year i barely made it past module 1. But rather than praising myself for what i have done, my mind keeps telling me all the things i’ve still yet to do to follow-through so this week i’ve been super anxious and tired, so much so that when i went to coursework last night i had to just sleep!!! Argh!! Does anyone else experience the sabotage before the good thing rather than after?

  61. Love this video! We all do this from time to time with our jobs, love lives and diets . Just when the goin gets good! I love that mantra and will pick up that book, thanks as always for the good reading recommendations .

    Btw the red lippy looks great on you Marie!

  62. Exactly this has happened to me many a times (falling sick at crucial junctures) – happened recently – I won the B-School scholarship – totally a gift from God and you, a message that He is with me – and I got very very unwell, hospitalized, my mom came and airlifted me back to my parents’ home. Happened earlier too when I got admission in Masters in Computer Science in Iowa. People at B-School kept saying “I’m so excited, I’m so excited” – my experience has been that being excited has a totally negative impact on me.
    I have never dealt with it proactively as you have suggested – however each change has been a boon in disguise too. When the good stuff happens I feel more psyched to do more – so the suggestion to rest seems challenging, but yes that is the way to go.
    Right now it is just so good to know that this weird thing happened to you too and that it can be worked upon. Thank you very very much for sharing this personal experience – for this is exactly the way it is for me and your episode really helps.
    I feel my getting sick is also my way of roping-in help from people, which otherwise I am generally not able to do. Of course getting sick is not a very intelligent way to do it!

  63. So… doctors should be writing prescriptions for people to watch Marie TV. And it would be a good thing if doctors watched it themselves, too.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Take two MarieTVs and call in the morning 🙂

  64. Mia Maria

    Oh my gosh Marie! You’ve done it again! On the journey to find and work on as many as possible of the gazillions of fears I have, I thought the sabotaging hapiness was more of a permanent damage and personal flaw kind of thing – not a common fear. It is SO good to know that it is more of a natural “built in feature” appearing in situations of change to the better. ONE more thing to not be ashamed of! Just one more of the fears to face! Thank you!!!

  65. Sally

    Every time I lost weight and reached 12st 2lb I would panic that something bad would happen, and it would. It would have happened anyway, but I tied bad things happening to my being 12st 2lb, and couldn’t get past it or below it. I have dealt with this by throwing my scales away. Now I have no idea what I weigh and am a lot happier. It’s been really good to see this episode as I know now that it is all in my head, it’s almost as if I needed to feel bad in order for good things to happen.

    Thank you again, Marie.

    • Ali Mayes

      Hey Marie, this is the first time I’ve commented but have been enjoying Tuesdays and sharing the episodes with lots of friends for about a year. I just shared this clip with my daughter as she does get sick in the face of challenges/ decisions. When I am really taking myself on, and it’s outside of the comfort zone I’ve created, I find I have to balance it with the mundane… You know if I’m doing all the confronting stuff? Then I just need to breathe, and do something mindless, like the dishes! It’s my way of one step at a time, then I feel I can manage the unprecedented highs!!⭐️

  66. This blog post came just at the right time Marie! I have been sick for over a week now, and curious as to why I can’t knock this cold off as easily as usual. Now because of this video, I can see that my business is teaching new levels that subconsciously make me uncomfortable and truly a bit nervous. I have self sabatoged myself for years without even knowing!

    Word of wise to all the 20 and 30 something moms who feel awkward breaking new barriers in life, just do it girl!!

    Thank you so much for this great content and advice Marie.

    Much love to you!

    Cena.

  67. Hi Marie, thanks for another great tip. I have noticed how creative I’ve been in messing up things when my upper limit is reached. Get this one — we are a non-profit that is finally getting the motor started to have more funds after long times of struggling in the past. We had success with our fund drive in Dec and then got invited to partner with a foundation to do work here. All great. So I go to the ATM here in rural Mexico to withdraw funds to buy building materials for the water system we are building for a small village. Insufficient funds! Some malware evil hacker had systematically eaten all our funds. It has a good ending fortunately – it took 6 weeks and sleeplessness and stupid wastes of energy but we got the fraudulent withdrawls taken off our account. All the while I’m thinking, Argh, I am so powerful at messing myself up so what can I create if I point it the other way?! My tools for raising upper limit — Energy Psychology tools: EFT, TAT, screaming lol, meditation, Access Consciousness’s “How does this get better?” They work. Tamara

  68. This has come at precisely the right time for me. I’ve had a beautiful surge in my creativity which is making me feel amazing, but parallel to that I’ve been sabotaging my health and neglecting my responsibilities. Now I realise my psyche has been trying to recalibrate because I’d gone way over my joy limits! Breathing and taking some action TODAY! Thank you Marie!! x

  69. So, I think maybe this is happening to me. . .I started my business last fall. I had a reasonably good holiday season, I’ve been getting some traction in a new venue, and now that it’s going well, I’ve stopped creating. I’ve been focusing on home and my son who is about to graduate from high school – telling myself when we’re through the month of June, things will get back to normal. . .could I be delusional, and it’s really that the moderate success I experienced was my upper limit??

  70. I’m SO in the middle of this very thing as we speak… and looking at it in this “upper limits” way helps normalize my experience.

    I’m a recent professional who’s branching off into my own private practice. My first transition was moving from my full-time teaching job into just doing it part-time (which started in January). That gave me anxiety/stress/etc and I was on edge for a few weeks leading up to it, but shortly after, I felt relief and like I knew I made the right choice.

    Well as of a week ago, I made a REALLY big leap and decided to end my contract with the school and commit to FULL-TIME private practice, with no backup plan or additional income. And the real kicker is that in order to make it work, I had to commit to a 12 month lease at an office… which means I have to pay it whether I have enough clients or not! The second I hit send on my email confirming my choice, I felt outrageously sick to my stomach. And I’ve spent the last week with a head-cold and allergies. Now… I know that some of my being sick is because it’s that time of year and allergies are bad in Austin… but I KNOW there was a direct link between taking the leap and feeling completely out of sorts inside — physically and mentally. Despite all the discomfort though, I’m feeling really excited and like I’m headed in the right direction 🙂

  71. Emilee

    What I really loved about this video was that Marie pointed out specific ways different “types” can alleviate the sabotage. For example, I am like Marie in that I get migraines, especially after big events. Her point that she had to slow down and rest is definitely something I am learning. Love the mantras, too 🙂 thanks, Marie!

  72. Marie,

    First off. I love your stuff! I have been following you now for over a year now and you have definitely inspired me to move forward after losing everything I had to an illness.

    But todays video was head on to what I needed to hear. I have been asking and asking myself “Why did I get so sick and have my world crumble around me just when I had become so successful at my day time j-o-b, plus starting my own online business?”

    I was literally on top of the world and then it was almost overnight it was gone. I have been looking for the answer with-in, wondering did I attract the car accident that triggered a series of events.

    I didn’t want to believe that I did, but after watching todays video, it actually makes perfect sense now.

    Now at least I know the direction to go to understand this more and to keep from doing it again.

    Thank you and blessings to you! <3
    ~ Adina

  73. Amazing as always. I can so relate.
    I am trying to be aware of my feelings at each stage and ask my self- how do I feel? why do I feel like that?
    and I try to understand what experience / limiting beliefs make me feel like that. It helps me rationally understand and embrace myself and move on 🙂
    GROWTH PAINS 🙂
    hope this helps
    Lirone
    Business networking coach

  74. Kar

    Thanks Marie! I am experiencing this again now but its before taking a big step for me-doing a live talk this week. I find myself questioning if I should just postpone it again to try and get more guests, or just cancel and try another format( anything but live and in person! yikes!),feeling tired all of a sudden even though i slept for 7 hours etc. but now that I am aware of the habit know I’m just going to have to push through and jump! Hopefully i will feel better after instead of worse!

  75. Great post, Marie!
    Now I know why I am filling so sick in the last weeks.
    Working on a new project, new website, and very excited
    about that.
    But than I got REALLY sick, almost 3 weeks I was not feeling
    good at all. So I couldn’t really work.
    After that I got issues with my stomach. Now I am better.
    Than I keep thinking about me procrastinating because of the
    fear of failure… but now I know – it was this Upper Limit Issue
    Now I am pushing forward again, but your video was truly an EYE-OPENER for me.
    Thank you so much, Marie, I already feel better after watching this
    video 🙂
    Have a great day!
    Vera

  76. This is the best video EVER! Well, actually a lot of them are the best videos EVER but I was crying watching this one, and that’s a first. So grateful! I have panic episodes when I’m cusping into new levels, and I’m so embarrassed by them. But this made me remember winning my first poetry slam (not getting hijacked by panic) and feeling like the world had blown open and I was free of everything that had ever held me bound to, well, anything. It was like becoming wind. So, inspired to lean into panic, and maybe become wind, again and again and again.

  77. Love this and every episode Marie (and crew)! I am a therapist so am in the business of helping to ‘expand’ others and myself. I have been wondering for years why I can’t sleep after a significant personal expansion -it doesn’t feel like excitement but more like fear – which fits with the ‘upper limit’ idea. Marie, you are my favourite online gal! Sending you a hug from sunny, blossomy Vancouver BC! xo Johanna

  78. Guess where I am going this summer to the beach in Sweden
    So excited to do what you talked about!!!
    But I have had a big upper limit problem!
    My coach gave me the big leap to read And I know this is my issue.
    Currently riding the roller coaster of making big things happen in my company and then backing down. So frustrated as I seem to be stuck! I am hoping by responding to something like this and not keeping it a secret I will let the universe know I am ready to break through! That I indeed can handle whatever comes and in your words Marie make it figure- out- able!!!

  79. Great insights from you, Marie, and Bob Burg, a very articulate communicator! I am sending you both a lot of love, and thank you for bringing all your gifts to the world. I’ll be sure to pick Bob’s books up, I have a feeling they will help me with many areas of my life as a life coach as well, and in animal rights work and other advocacy issues that I am inspired to do. You are amazing and I am so happy for you! Much love!

  80. I love this topic and LOVE this book by Gay Hendricks. I recently hit an ULP where I was constantly nauseous and throwing up food. EEKS! Once I could tie the emotional element to when I got sick I was able to finally get better and begin safely expanding! Wild!

  81. Sophia M

    This literally just happened to me. I have a lot of doors that are opening and I started becoming anxious in the waiting period and sure enough my vertigo kick in. Worse ever. ‘Upper Limits’ I love it.

  82. Nathalie

    I also get un-explainable sickness when I am at a new level of success.
    I think whether it be success in a career, a relationship or as Sally just mentioned on trying to lose weight – self sabotage can be everywhere.

    I use to have a bad habit of resisting-where I would tell myself “Just push through it.” But I would do it in an unhealthy way, not resting and working even harder thinking I will show it who boss- nothing is getting in my way of my desires. Now I think that was so silly of me.
    Clearly I was not listening to myself or others and thought my willpower alone will get me through. This all changed when I realized its just my fear talking, listen to it -it has some valuable information to share.

    Sometimes when I need a little reminder on how to cope with this in a healthy way – I watch Marie’s video with Dr. Cathy Collautt
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVJrzLMhyxs
    As well I look at it from a Shamanism Perspective, where I can look more at the collective dynamic of fears, and for me I realized sometimes my fear is often than not tied in my relationships -and how I care a little too much what other think.
    Fear is such a powerful driver and can be a great ally – if you let be.

  83. Ooops, wrong page for the Bob Burg comment! Anyhow, THIS video was also very inspiring, and it is so true, that we set ourselves up to get back to the comfort zone when we have a burning desire to move ahead. My LOA experience has taught me that we can ask for clarity for what would feel best next…kind of like a mantra, it’s useful in all situations, and opens us up to the ANSWER, rather than the stuck feeling of having that limit.

    We can’t free ourselves of limits unless we are open to that answer.
    Much love!

  84. Yup! I do this! I get REALLY REALLY tired and just HAVE to take a nap, and can’t get my brain to work. I can nap a lot.

    The best way I have found to overcome this is to have a pre-written list of things I can do that don’t require a ton of brain activity, but do get me into motion. That motion gains momentum and then I’m off and running again!

    Thanks for the awesome vid! And the intel on the islands…

  85. Yes, yes, yes!!! I realized a few years ago that I was more afraid of succeeding than failing. It’s easier to sit on the sidelines and be a spectator of my life than to put myself ‘out there’ for inevitable judgement. Thank you for putting a name to something I thought it was strictly my issue. I released my first book late last year and am still in launch mode, and my comfort level has definitely been tested. Subconsciously I have been waiting for something bad to happen to sort of even things out in my universe. I have to keep reminding myself that I deserve happiness and success. It is definitely a process, and while many times I’d love to just shut it down, I know that the reward is sweeter if I’ve had to work through some fear to get it. Thanks for helping this fear-filled lady feel validated today! 🙂

  86. Ruby LIchen

    I’m in the process of writing a simplified guide to I Ching, which is oracle book written thousands of years ago, that has 64 Hexagrams in it. and wealth of wisdom. This oracle is so wise that one of the wiser folks known in Chinese history used it to give guidance to the royal leaders at chaotic time in their history, Confucius. and most translations have his slant on them. which can confuse, confound the wisdom contained. So I’m writing simplified guide. The ending Hexagrams, pack a wallop regarding this issue of glass ceilings. Hex. 63 title is Completion. and 64 is Before Completion. Completion is all about how to have duration, avoid self sabotage. Hex. 64 explains how to respond to issues, through engaging the help of the Cosmos. Which this oracle states is the whole clue to success and duration, is continuous partnership with Wise counsel, avail. only in the invisible realm. I’ve found for myself that this partnership is vital as that part of me that self sabotages is wily. as soon as I have seen one of its tricks, it learns another way.

    • Lovely, Ruby. I haven’t looked at the I Ching for a while, but your post inspires me to take a look a those final hexagrams again. – And all the best with your guide, too.

  87. Great video Marie! I bought the “Big Leap” and haven’t dove into it yet, however this is definitely something that I feel I used to struggle with more in the past. I heard someone explain that most time we want the other of least resistance which we think is the option that requires the least amount of work when in reality that produces the outcome with most disappointment. The path of least resistance is more often than not the action we dread the most because our gut instinct is uncomfortable because it’s out of our comfort zone. I am learning to stop listening to my head and following my heart, which drops into my stomach when I hit the fork in the road. Thanks for covering this topic and have a great week!

  88. Elizabeth

    Maria-

    Thank you for sharing.

    I can totally relate to this video.

    Sometimes it is possible to have ‘fear of success’ and totally want to stay in the comfort zone. And I have self-sabatoged myself by taking some weird actions.

    Recently, I was making all of this progress towards my goals and got sick too. It was out of the blue and I think I was becoming overwhelmed because I was working towards completion of some things I have been procrastinating about for awhile now.

    These are goals which are important to me; but I have been perpetually putting off doing out of fear of not doing them the right way or not getting the result I want from taking these specific actions – which sounds ridiculous to even write about in this post.

    Keep sharing these videos and tidbits.

    They really help!

  89. Marie!!!! What a lightbulb moment! I always made jokes with my best friend that I always knew when my professional life was taking off because my personal life would fall apart (e.g., my husband and I would always have crazy fights when work was going really well). I never connected the two in this way before. Thank you for this — now I can be more aware and try to prevent these conflicts and stay happy! 🙂

  90. I just got back from my first big writing conference.
    And proceeded to not check my calendar and thus forget a meeting I had scheduled (to make a video to promote an upcoming class).

    Being “frazzled” or overwhelmed about being the Big Me in my regular life seems to happen consistently.
    One tactic: plan out/list what’s happening after a big event. Set alarms on my phone for things like meetings. Tape a reminder of this post-event schedule on the table or bathroom mirror before I leave for the event.

  91. Great topic! As a farmer, being in large groups with people I don’t know, can be very intimidating. But, meeting people and networking is crucial to growing your business. Public Speaking, is very scary. Each time, I have to push the limits. When I hit the ceiling, I won’t go. Thank you for the discussion & for letting us know, we aren’t alone! Now, I am working on trying to source a Deli chain, Restaurant supply, or Bakery chain for our commercial cranberry sauce. This is our next big step! Will keep this inspiration in my thoughts!

  92. I procrastinate. I will get halfway through a project (even ones for other people) and stall, not wanting to deal with the potential success or failure of the work. So going forward, I’m going to be aware of it, talk sweet to myself until I’m coaxed out of the mud, and deal. Thank you for the helpful, humorous pick-me-up this morning.

  93. Fantastic! So true…

  94. Aleli

    Hi Marie,
    I really enjoyed watching this episode about Upper Limits. I get scared of success. No one in my family wants the same thing I do. Running a business, making good money beyond a J O B. None of my loved ones are role models when it comes to dreaming big. Everyone is content where they are, living quiet lives of desperation. Not that they are bad people. They are the the ones who will catch me when i fall. And they do.
    So this video really inspires me to get past that.. love my family the way they are… and maybe break the pattern and be the FIRST.

  95. Great topic! Upper limits are good in the sense that they help us see where we are stuck and guide us into a greater expansion. I discovered through my work with energy healing, that upper limits often have a subconscious belief or fear hiding behind it. The key, as you say Marie, is to increase our awareness so we can find the fear, thought, or belief that has been limiting us. Then, we can choose to release it and embrace a more supporting belief in its place. “I love remembering this: My limits don’t define me. I am as limitless as my next breath”. Veronica Parker

  96. Jennifer

    Marie, thanks so much for this helpful and fun episode. I needed to hear this today, and yes, like you, I tend to get really sick when I hit fear of hitting the next level. I’ve been in a holding pattern for a while now due to this fear, and am just beginning to thaw. Thomas Merton had shared that any small movement is valuable when movement becomes impossible. So I am making small movements towards my life goals, and remaining as present, and as engaged as I can in the moment. Blessings and thanks to you.

  97. Hello Marie,

    Your Q & A really hit the spot today. Every time I take a real leap forward my computer crashes, at the weekend I was asked to send stock reports to someone who wants to buy large quantities of stock, the computer froze, so I went to another one, logged in on that, it would not recognise my password, I changed it which meant my mobile would not let me know when emails were coming in, ….. it has taken three days to sort out two computers and my mobile so that they work again and there was no virus, no real reason why two computers and my phone froze me out. This has happened every time there is something really important, a new step on line. I can cure myself but somehow I freeze my communication tools. I am aware of it and tried to get around the problem by having 3 computers – I guess the problem is when I touch them. Will have to try the mantras…..
    Nice to know that it is a universal problem not just mine, my partner says he cannot believe why I have such back luck with technology, but it is not luck I must just send out the wrong energy and crash them.

    Thanks so much for all your insights, your Tuesday Q & A’s are great.

  98. Bay

    This is annoyingly timely and accurate. Sigh/thank you.

    When things start to go well for me, I begin to look at all the ways it can all crumble apart, and then I live there, in fear and pessimism, which inevitably leads to me feeling depressed, landing me square back into an comfortably uncomfortable (and vice versa) familiar place, paralyzed to move forward. And then I make my feelings into facts and it’s difficult to get out.

    This was a great reminder of what sets it off (as opposed to it being that I’m broken, which tends to be my favourite refrain), and the importance of that awareness in choosing any practice to get out of it.

    Thank you!

  99. Magda

    Thank you, Marie! How do you do it – you always have timely remedies to my problems?

  100. Bonnie Utley

    You’ve done it again, Team Marie! You’ve given me exactly what I needed today — thank you! I’m taking the biggest leaps I’ve ever taken in my new business (thanks to B-school!) and I was up all night last night self-sabotoging! I’m writing this with burning, bloodshot eyes.

    To be completely open and honest, what I usually do when I self-sabotage is deprive myself of sleep, binge watch TV/movies and stay hulled up in my house like a hermit (eating junk because I’ve run out of healthy groceries and I don’t have the energy to go shopping).

    When I catch myself in this vicious cycle, what works best for me every time is prayer. Personally, I know that when I’m self-sabotaging, it’s my Ego getting in my own way. (In the words of Wayne Dyer, EGO = Edging God Out). I re-ground myself in my beliefs that I am not alone, and, to paraphrase Marianne Williams’ beautiful quote, I remind myself that I was created to be brilliant because I am a Child of God.

    Thank you, again, for talking so openly about these big topics that so many of us have in common, but are sometimes afraid to face or talk about! Lots of love! XO

    • Bonnie Utley

      Oops. Make that, Marianne Williamson. That’s how sleep deprived I am! 🙂

      • Sarah

        I enjoyed reading this and the two quotes are perfect.

        • Bonnie Utley

          Thanks, Sarah, for sharing that those quotes touched you. I love knowing when someone feels a connection to something. Grateful for this platform where we can all support each other! XO

  101. Amy

    I have a disability and I am completely dependent on other people. Those people have let me down so many times that I’ve afraid to commit to anything for fear that I will not be able to follow through if I don’t have the right help. Every time I make progress on my business, I give up for fear that I will not be able to meet our customer’s expectations because of the high turnover and extensive training of the people who help me. I can see now that I am self sabotaging my progress just in case. Thanks for helping me to understand this phenomenon and push through!

  102. I needed exactly this today. I have had a nagging chest cold for 3 weeks that has sent me to bed early, and I never get sick! Turns out I am at the end of an entrepreneur program and have pressure to REALLY show up… ie. am I all in or not? I have so many great ideas but usually stop as they gain momentum. Now I will slow down, look after myself, and go through the motions to get it done.

    Thank you

  103. Marie! This video came to me at the most perfect time! I be been discouraged, sad, almost angry and can’t figure out why I’ve had such a negative reaction to my business currently.Just this morning I told myself something Big must be about to happen, I can’t quit now. Your video today confirmed that for me. Positivity is so important to the entrepreneur
    Thank you for the encouragement!

  104. I am pretty sure my clients do this with their fitness success. I try to get them to set higher goals and keep themselves distracted with more and more difficult performance based tasks and it helps as well.

  105. Paola Ranova

    Thank you!! Love this! <3 😀

  106. Sarah

    Hey Marie!

    You have an awesome community here! Loved today’s video. I am so going through the same thing and have been for a while.

    I’ve been trying to complete a book for years, anytime I sit to actually write, or say, write a decent paragraph that gets me excited – I start feeling antsy, I’ll get up, go to the washroom, do some dishes, start thinking of my other problems, get distracted by more “research” etc….I’ll go for a walk, praising how great that ONE paragraph is – and then I won’t come back to writing for a week or even longer! I’m too embarrassed to spill all the details, but just know it’s bad.

    The scariest thing of all is knowing that there is NO ONE ELSE to really help me with this, it’s JUST ME. I just have to buckle down and sit with the uncomfortable feelings. What makes it all worse is that I know my writing is actually pretty important stuff, and because of that, the pressure is higher and the fear and discomfort feels greater.

    I appreciate your video because it makes me feel like I’m not alone or a complete failure for going through this and that I can make it through….somehow :/

    How crazy is it that MORE SUCCESS & MORE OF WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED can make you uncomfortable. Why are human beings so stupid? And I mean that in the nicest way possible. 🙂

    • Sarah

      OK, maybe stupid is harsh. I dunno :/

      • Love that you’ve identified your antsyness and uncomfortableness! The more you put it out there on the table and stare it down, the less it will be able to hide! You will write great things, because you already believe it. Best Wishes!

        • I wonder whether we are sharing the same gremlin, Sarah – I certainly hope there aren’t multiples of them. Perhaps we should let each other know when we have been driven to the washroom, so that the other of us can get on with writing!

  107. That’s me!
    I always get sick when I start doing something that’s good for me. I started yoga (for beginners, mind you) and after 2 weeks I was sick. I started studying this new program – got sick. Included juices into my morning routine – Oh, no you didn’t!

    So upsetting, like my body just wants to stay in this one state and fights me whenever I want to change.

    Thank you for this episode, I will show my body and mind who’s the boss here.
    No to self-sabotage!

    XOXO

    Lillith

  108. Hey Marie, I am convinced your are psychic! Wow. The Q & A’s are so perfectly timed. I feel I am definitely going through some self-sabotage in my career right now. I have my very first pitch meeting on April 20 with a big cable network right here in Los Angeles, for a reality TV show concept I created. Since then, there has been sudden drama in my life and things feel like a roller coaster at times. In fact the drama actually occurs the more I break through with my goals. Now I know why! This video was frickin’ amazing. Love it.

  109. Hello Marie! So funny, as soon as I saw this video in my email, I immediately thought of Gay Hendricks book, “The Big Leap”. Like you, I end up getting really sick when things start going awesome for me. Years ago a friend recommended that book and it so changed how I think and react when these things happen. Thank you for reminding me!!

  110. Thanks, Marie! This is so timely. I was just reading about this. I’ve definitely experienced this in the past. I find it is even more true for women. I just shared this on my private Facebook group, Women on Top.

  111. Dawn

    Do you have any advice on feeling stuck, lost just not feeling like you are where your suppose to be? Or feeling like your going in circles or at the bottom of a bucket and can’t seem to get out?
    Would love some advice 🙂
    Dawn

    • Dawn – it makes sense that you would feel stuck and in the same place when you feel you are going in circles or making strides and not seeing any changes or mobility forward. Where do you see yourself? What would you like to move toward to? For me one of the first steps is identifying the where, then the various possibilities of how shows up. Would love to chat with you! Best wishes!

  112. ron

    Timely subject. I guess since we all deal with this it would always be a timely subject. 🙂 I am starting anew after divorce, looking for new things in career and tired of feeling trapped and I believe there are some beliefs which I can’t locate yet that are holding me back. Cognitively, I know all the stuff like “I am smart enough, good enough, worthy, etc.” But somewhere in my soul I am not letting myself achieve my dream and allow others to be part of that dream. I am right up against that wall since I know it is there and am just looking for the door so I can stop hitting my head against it and getting bloody over and over again. Thanks for the provocative subject matter.

  113. Marie, you are talking to ME today! I had chills and actually teared up as I listened to the video, because I had hit my upper limit and did not realize it. I just graudated and have been certified through an amazing coaching program a few weeks ago and although I am excited and acknowledge I worked hard at this accomplishment, I haven’t quite fully embraced it. I told myself that I’m cacooning and taking time off to reset and focus on the things I have been neglecting the past eight months and then can get back to ramping up efforts in my business. And while yes this is what I have been doing, I have also felt the need to dig deeper as to what I have been feeling and what else is going on and if I’m actually avoiding business development and marketing. This video said it all. I have a pattern of accomplishing something big and sitting back and soaking it in and taking a time out to catch my breath before I get back to it. Which just felt like laying low and playing it safe after making strides. Now that I can put a name to it “upper limiting”, I can call it out, acknowledge/validate it and get back to doing my thing sooner and enjoy even more upward motion. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! The game has changed today Marie!

  114. I do this.. since starting my business. I get scared about getting out there more and in ways that expose me.. making mistakes and sharing this so it helps others.. can I do this comes up for me all the time.. I am going to look at b school again. I think some parts will be helpful to review since doing and diving in deeper in my business now.. I am in a niche.. a gluten intolerance and food allergy coach for busy professionals newly diagnosed, struggling to shift their lifestyle or want someone who knows what do and has spent the time and money so they don’t have too.. so its getting value. I am not sure people know they need this … so that is where i am at.

  115. Hi Marie.

    This made so much sense… These were the answers to all my questions and brought a concern, my “upper limit” is too low… Every single moment in my life lately that supposed to be a fantastic (shopping for my wedding dress, or get the keys for my new apartment, for exemple) I got sick! Or if I had a break thru in my professional life thenext day I was with no energy to get out of bed.
    And there is another thing that I just realized about how I deal with my weight and body! Every time I get in a good shape (exercising every day and in a good diet) at some point I get back there where I was… I stop doing exercises and start to eat things that I usely woudn’t eat…
    I’m extremely thankful for this information today!
    I became so much aware of me and my life and instantly I felt better and energized to produce!!
    Thank you so much!!
    Marina

  116. I’ve just finished a launch for my online business school for artists. It went really well but guess who’s sitting here with a bad cold that she hasn’t been able to shake? It never occurred to me that I was doing this. Thank you!

  117. Colette

    Hi Marie,
    I was doing this sabayoging to myself just this morning! But, I stopped. I learned a technique from Louise Haye, “Mirror Talk” and I began talking to the mirror repeating, “I say yes to today.” Whnever I do that, it seems to calm me down and alleviates the anxiety I am feeling from the scary story going on in my mind….which is not actually happening!
    Thank you for all you do. You are such an inspiration to me.

  118. Ashley

    Great video! I think this may have helped me with something I’ve been wondering about, but I think I have to sit and really absorb it to really know my clear (and complete) thoughts on the subject. lol. But although I may not consciously be able to TOTALLY explain it, I got that confirmation “light bulb” feeling in my gut that told me this was for me. And I do see this happening for me with my intuition. Whenever I feel like I’ve reached a new level or I want to try and do something a little “out of my comfort zone”…I get SUPER depressed, anxious, and insecure and it really knocks me on my butt and I end up like, going backwards, it feels like. I retreat! lol. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do to help me so I can work WITH it instead of letting it work against me. And now that I can see what it’s called and see that it’s NOT just me (which I knew it wasn’t), I feel a lot better! Thank you for sharing this, Marie!

  119. yea I loved this book, for me its been easier to see this in others…..as it often are….in my bf and how something negative happens after we have had an amazing time….and Im a part of it so I will have to look more in to those situations : )

  120. Barb

    Todays Marie TV episode really resonated with me as I find I am doing the self sabotage right now with some good things that have been happening with me I begin to revert to old habits. I am reinventing myself and exploring new projects and being a yoga instructor, as well as different relationships that are coming and so energizing for me. What you said in your episode really hit home and has helped me so much.
    Thank you………you are an inspiration to this Baby Boomer!

  121. Pantothenic

    Marie,

    Thank you for this! Holy S___ you’re the only person I’ve ever heard talk about how to cure this, or to say it’s curable. I deal with this alot. Mostly, I either get sick or run down, which is rare for me also, or I get tense and angry. I used to let things go too, but I cured that one. So I have a much better idea of how to handle it. Have a good one, keep up the great work.

  122. in the summer 2013 I moved my small consignment business into a beautifully renovated boutique like space with great store front windows. As I’d hoped, business picked up immediately. I was doing my numbers at the end of the second month in the new space and my gross profit was WAY above any number I’d ever seen in my business before. I remember hitting enter in the spreadsheet and seeing this unprecedented number pop into the cell and before my brain had even registered what it meant I was crying and UPSET. Like not happy crying UPSET crying! I actually felt fearful. It was so weird! I didn’t do anything self destructive and I soon felt fine again. But I will never forget that totally gut reaction to a big success that I’d wanted more than anything but I apparently wasn’t prepared for. I think what I learned here is that I need to get better at BELIEVING and VISUALIZING exactly what I want for my business. That way these things won’t come as a shocking surprise. This is yet another example to me of how cool it is to have your own business. I learn things that I NEVER would have expected to learn when I started this journey.

  123. Crystal Jackson

    Omg Marie this really hit home. I wasn’t taking care of myself while trying to start my business and now I’m on medical leave from my full time job with adrenal fatigue! This sucks! I am doing my best to get back on track and nurture myself, and not having the limiting belief that taking care of myself is a luxury. Thank for this insight.

  124. Christine Charman

    Holy, Toledo! So… I’m in B-School right now and lots of amazing and joyful things are happening… like my husband and I just got back from 4 amazing days in NYC. Guess what? I’m sick! I have such a horrible cold and it’s TRUE… each time I’m close to a breakthrough or am just kind of blissed-out… illness… THANKS for the Q&A. Thanks for the advice. I have the ULP book. Your timing is great, though, because it helps reinforce how to overcome stuff. THANKS!!!!

  125. Ellie Kefaloukou

    Hi Marie,

    I follow you for quite some time now, I loved this video,
    Usually when hit an upper limit… I tend to tell myself ‘Oh that is not what I wanted after all… this is not my purpose in life… where does this lead me???’ and I eat. I eat. a lot.
    I remember when I first joined my current job, I was sitting there eating nuts while my instructor was training me.. what an image omg..
    self-doubt all the time.

    Thank you for your insight and for the ecperiences you offer to us every Tuesday,

    Ellie

  126. Anji Harris

    This one was right on time for me! It was confirmation for me that I am in the right place!! Saturday was the first day in almost two weeks that I have felt “right” again. For two weeks I have been in pain 24/7 in my lower back to the point where I could not stand up straight, twitching on the left side of my face, numbness, nauseated, you name it! However, I had been here several times before so I knew immediately what the problem was– I was on the verge of a breakthrough! I begin to notice the pattern of self sabotage some years ago when I realized that I would get to a certain point in my life and then “Boom!” self destruct like a well timed bomb. For me, I noticed that there were 4 distinct things that would rear their ugly little heads to try and get me off track and back behind my invisible fence. Sometimes it comes in the form of starting to feel the need for a relationship, or I would jump on to someone else’s project (completely ditching my own), or my financial resource would begin to magically disappear through very stupid mistakes and/or decisions, or I would get physically ill! It had held me back for too many years. Once I realized this and begin to become more aware of it, I actually started to look out for these signs whenever something new was about to break forth and to my surprise I’ve been able to push past somethings that for years held me back. This latest episode was a doozy because I am on the brink of something great! I am on the verge of launching a project I have been working on for 9 years!! I have finally pushed passed the invisible fence that I had been trapped behind for so long. Because I am in this new and unfamiliar territory my subconscious started trying and get me back to a place of comfort. But I remembered another one of Marie’s videos where it talked about embracing that feeling of discomfort because our bodies will adjust to it. That’s exactly what I did! I just took it easy, rested when I needed, but I kept on going!! If I could only work for three hours then that was ok. If I had to lay in bed with my laptop, I did it. And I didn’t beat myself up about it! I didn’t allow the negative self talk that usually accompanies this phenomenon trick me into believing its lies that “I wasn’t ready or good enough!” This was a huge accomplishment for me because in the past I would run for the hills or my subconscious would have found something for me to focus on just long enough to take my eyes of the prize and set me back!! Thank God for people like Marie who are sharing their gifts, wisdom, and experience with the world; inspiring and empowering others to “Just Do It!” Thank you Marie….I needed that:)

  127. Thank you Marie, another great episode of Marie TV!

  128. Mary

    Hi Marie,

    Do you have any suggestions as to how I can manage to keep my mind from creating scenarios that may or may not even exist when someone I know chooses to do business with a competitor? I know that people often base their choices on reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me personally, but I can’t seem to help overthinking and worrying that I might now be doing as good of a job as I think I am, or someone has said something to them about my business that wasn’t positive, or maybe someone said they didn’t like my work and not to go there. Interestingly, however, the lost income seems to have nothing to do with this monkey mind. Any advice?

  129. Sarah D

    This episode really resonates with me (hmm, almost all do 🙂 )
    I have a very low Upper Limit… limit. I don’t even allow myself to be excited about the new career I am starting. Only seeing the stress and struggles I’m going through, without enjoying the journey. However, I’m working at it and implementing your advice whenever I can. Thanks so much Marie

  130. Hi Marie,
    I have literally just started my business and received my first client, and I actually remember the point of discomfort and recognising that this is a big change thats happening to me right now. But I also now have a cold and am losing my voice, which sucks, because I do need to communicate! I’m noticing the ripple effect and it is stressing me out, but your video has definitely brought awareness around how to deal with this. So I really appreciate it. Thank you very much.
    Have a wonderful day.

  131. Interesting…when I accomplish something I immediately downplay the significance rather than celebrate it. What’s THAT about?!?!?!?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      I do that too, Shelly, so I know you’re not alone there. I think it’s definitely related to the Upper Limit problem … it can feel uncomfortable to think we’re awesome, accomplished, and successful (even when we are), so we want to downplay it. I think for many of us, there’s also that fear that people might think we have big egos if we’re talking about being successful or celebrating a big win.

      One thing that helps me personally is allowing myself to have a little celebration – even if it’s just me patting myself on the back (literally!), saying I’m amazing for doing whatever it was, and dancing around my house to Bon Jovi. It sounds silly (and it totally is!), but taking that moment to tell yourself that you’re amazing really helps. 🙂

  132. Rachel

    I find this to be an all to common theme in my life. So much that I feel that its like an ethereal feeling and instead of forging ahead I revert to what is common and comfortable. Great video.

  133. I LOVED this episode, Marie! Thank you so much for sharing this! I think I need that book! I had a major epiphany with this topic because that’s exactly what I’m going through right now. Whenever I’m busting through some big limiting belief, or going through a major shift in my unconscious, underlying thoughts, I get a horrible pseudo-stomach bug. It’s happened when I’ve fallen in love, when I go through breakups, when I put a stop to some toxic person or behavior in my life. I also tend to get bad colds (which is what I have now) when I’m pushing my upper limit. I just got accepted into one of my dream grad schools, I’m rocking my spiritual practice, and working through B-School. Things are getting *really* good but a part of me is afraid of them getting too good. Right now I know the biggest issue is struggling to believe I deserve the business I want to create. So, I’m going to take your advice, rest up, take care of my body, and realize that I can adjust my upper-limit to incorporate my dreams. Thank you!! <3

  134. I also find this to be a common theme in my life. I start to move forward and seem to revert back to where I’m comfortable. I’m in the middle of starting my private practice as a music therapist and about a month ago I had a car accident the day I was supposed to provide a presentation. Self-sabotage, I think so…. It’s so interesting to look internally and see what is really going on! Thanks for this video Marie 🙂 Every week’s video seems to be fitting to what is happening in my life at that time. Thanks for your wisdom and forward thinking!!!

  135. This cam at the perfect time! I just had a major “blow back” (my friend Andrew’s term who created Underearner’s Anonymous). I started Mama Gena’s Mastery program a few weeks ago. The first weekend I was excited, dancing, expanding, growing, etc… I had lost 8 pounds in the two weeks leading up to it because I was so happy and did not need to overeat to manage stress which was my MO. 2 days after the weekend workshop ended, I contracted so hard, that I wanted to curl up in a ball all the way back in time in the basement of my father’s house! I started eating 3 times as much as I usually ate and got sick. With the expansions come contractions. I would love, also, to not get so contractive in the growth process. I love this video and will practice these principles.

  136. Whew, this touched a nerve with me. I’ve done this in relationships (picking silly fights, hello!) and have definitely fallen ill after professional successes as well. For me, it used to be feeling sick after the day after running a yoga retreat. Like clockwork! Awareness has been key. I now make sure to build in an easy, chill day or two post-retreat to “rest and digest.” I’ve learned this is key to assimilate the life-changing, rejuvenating experience I’ve led and that my group has created together. It’s important not only for me as a leader, but also for my clients. That way I’m in a good, healthy space of self-care and love when we re-connect. Yay! Oh, and love the fringe, btw Marie 😉

  137. Christine P.

    Marie, you are so SPOT ON! I was just venting to my husband that since I decided that this year is the year to go after my dreams, I have been sick. I enrolled in B-School and I got sick. I’ve been feeling like the Universe is conspiring against me making any progress. I had the 4 week flu, have a cold now, my kids have been sick, my hubby sick. Everyone in our family has been sick for the whole year so far! It’s been crazy! THANK YOU, THANK YOU for posting this video! I will be meditating on the affirmation every day.

    P.S. I love the cartoon characatures!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Christine, oh no … I hope you and your family feel better soon! B-School is totally something that can push those upper limits. 😉

      Not to worry though – fortunately there’s “no behind in B-School” so you definitely have the space to take it a little bit easy when you need, and dive back in anytime.

  138. Upper limit, yup, my friends help me with the awareness. My reaction is to overspend.

  139. Alessandra

    Thank You Marie. This is a good start; I experienced this thing all my life, especially in relationships. It’s time to change.

  140. I’ve experienced all kinds of upper limits, Marie your story reminds me of something I experienced as a child. I was 6 and like a lot of children I had been dreaming of going to Disney World when my parents announced that we would be going in a couple of weeks during Spring Break, I was really excited at first then about a week before the trip I got really sick. Thank God my mother kind of knew it was emotional and told me so and said we were going on the trip anyhow, sickness bag in hand which was not necessary after I was in the Magic Kingdom. 🙂

  141. Well, this certainly explains the concept of self-sabotage. Who knew? I guess this takes different forms in each individual.
    Thanks for the insight.

    Rhonda

  142. Icecream! Haagen Daas Chocolate, is my go to when I am stretching beyond my current limits… I am trying to switch that over to contemplation, and handing to a higher power and meditation breathing. Breathing has gotten me through many a tough learning curve…. FOR MANY YEARS…

  143. Corrie

    This is spot on for me. I am about to bring in many new exciting changes into my life and I have to be aware not to run and hide – like I sometimes do. I think part of my is scared of success…because then I have more to lose/screw up 🙂 Of course, it never happens that way so must not think that way!

    **Marie – Tip for your UX Design people – make the Share button on Facebook and Twitter more accessible/user friendly. I can’t seem to figure out how to do it without copying and pasting!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Corrie, we’re so glad to hear that this week’s episode resonated with you – I know so many of us have a fear of success. We also have a great recent episode that talks about courage if you haven’t seen that one yet: http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/03/courage-to-do-anything/

      We love that you’re sharing our episodes (woohoo!) and we do have little share buttons for Facebook and Twitter at the bottom of our blog posts if you’d like to use those instead of copying and pasting. At the bottom of each blog post will be a fuchsia opt-in bar, and just under that, the little social media icons will appear so you can share with just a click!

  144. Tanya

    What a great topic! I will definitely be paying closer attention to my upper limits.

  145. Yep — craaaack that whip. Ohmygawd, that’s one of my lifetime favorite songs and bands: DEVO, yes.

    Okay, anyway, Marie. This was a fantastic episode. I got very, Very sick also about 3 weeks ago and still am somewhat. It was right when I went through a figurative doorway within myself, not related to any one thing — except perhaps “life and death,” that kind of subject (which I’m certain will be judged strangely by readers, that’s why I’m not going into it as far as I know you would prefer, sorry…). I had no choice but to rest completely, so the transitions have made their way through to an extent. Perhaps even a large extent.

    However, I can Really fight a good fight with myself and do the whole self-sabotage thing to the hilt. For instance, I have a somewhat important road race this weekend, and my training has obviously faltered because of the illness; so right this very bloody moment, I’m looking at myself and saying, “Okay, you have 5 days. Are you going to rest the body and get the ‘other’ part up to par because you know that is lacking, or are you going to sabotage yourself yet again?” And there have been decades of this type of sabotage, Marie, most of my life, in fact — I’m going on 59.

    This is why I Love this episode. Also a previous Q&A Tuesday where you spoke about breath; for me, that one was not about “saving the world” by breathing in everyone else’s pain as well as my own, but solely My Own…that’s what I found I need right now — I’ve Always felt that was highly selfish, and stinking of “who-am-I-anyway” stuff. But I can do nothing for anyone else if my personal structure is not complete. So you hit me with two, back to back, gurlfriend!

    I say Good on Ya, Marie, and thank you so much. See you soon.

    lynelle

  146. Laura

    Wow, talk about timing of this video. Incredible. Only yesterday did I face one of my biggest fears and now I have a splitting headache, back is all knotted and I have no appetite (nauseous). I have self sabotaged myself before and aware of it but thought that was only my issue so I am comforted to know I am not alone. I am more aware of my self sabotaging nowadays (thoughts) but not an expert – I know when I step outside the comfort zone, my body physically reacts in a negative way. I agree with Marie that the temperature recalibrates as it goes on, here’s hoping I won’t be hugging the toilet every time I succeed! Ha ha

  147. Love this! I just finished his book last night. I worked out my zone of genius to be the ability to help others see their true potential and support them to believe it is possible. I also had severe gastro this week along with my kids which was a huge ULP! Thanks for sharing this clip today Marie. xx

  148. Wow! I was sick last week. I vomitted everything. In the same time I had a new job. A job which I hope for, but hardly belive it is really exsist. Now I can earn lot of money and spend lot of time at home with my little children, and I can use what I’ve learnt. Hurray!
    But I never knew the reason of my sickness was the job, and my upper limit. But I am still afraid of belive that could happen. I think tomorrow my boss will say: oh, sorry, we made a mistake, we don’t need you anymore, and things like that.. you know.
    Mybe time will help and I will be positive. Hopefully.

  149. All i can say is this is right on….. you hit it on the head Marie…. I’m in my 60’s and can’t tell how many times I’ve caught myself going into the self sabotage mode…. wish I had this kind of info 40 years ago….Thanks for sharing.

  150. Whoa, yes! This is so true!

    My most recent example is booking time in a recording studio to record my guided meditations for kids – the night before my session I lost my voice!

    I had to reschedule and work through the fear (not fear of things going wrong, but of things going amazingly well)!!

    Great video, Marie – great topic.

  151. Hey Marie,

    I just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration. I regularly model your webpage, blog posts and e-mails to try to capture that genuineness that flows so effortlessly from your communications.

    Keep up the amazing work and thanks for the inspiration!

    -Kelsey T

  152. Like Tamara, I often went into hiding when things started to go better than expected in my business, with my money, with my weight, or in my relationships. I still have to actively engage myself in different behaviors to keep from running or sabotaging my progress. I still worry that people will talk badly about me, dislike me or expect me to give them more if I have or achieve more, but I’ve been more able to put those worries aside because, do you know what? People are talking badly about me, disliking me and expecting more from me regardless of what I do. Rather than putting my focus there, I have a daily practice of reviewing my vision and goals. I remember that I have a huge vision not just for me, but for the world. Through conflict resolution and entrepreneurship mastery, I want to empower people to have lives better than they imagine possible. That requires me to be bigger than I think I can be and bust through my upper limits, even when I don’t know what’s on the other side (or fear it’s just another brick wall to give me a concussion! It’s okay. I’ll heal. I have a hard head! ;)) I’m still working on this daily, but I step down less often and don’t go as far anymore because I know this is not just about me. I’m being used as a mechanism to fulfill on my vision. Thus, I have no limits that I don’t self-impose. (Remind me of this when I forget!)

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      YES, yes, yes, Nance!

  153. Hayati

    This video could not have come at a more perfect time. I have been suffering with my “Upper-Limit” problem since the beginning of the year. I’m glad to be self aware of my fear of success but it was very hard for me because I didn’t (and still) don’t quite know how to stop sabotaging myself.
    What basically happened was that I started doing well with work (so well, it went beyond anyone’s expectations and I was one of the lucky few to be commended) I have never felt so happy in my entire life, words can’t even begin to explain it. Unfortunately, as soon as the happiness came, I shut down. I got so anxious I was shaking. And to stop my nerves from acting out in public, I retreated home and completely turned into a hermit. I didn’t want to go out, talk to anyone but most importantly (sadly) I didn’t want to do any work at all.
    I was completely bewildered. What was wrong with me? I was doing great! And yet, when I was facing work I wanted nothing to do with it. On deadlines, believe it or not, I would actually refuse to complete it. I refused to do anything. I fell into a repetitive cycle for weeks, where I woke up and did exactly the same things except work.
    I was very confused.. So I took a leave of absence and went back to my hometown thinking I should get my priorities straight, and get a support system. For almost 2 weeks I recuperated with my family and friends. I spoke to my friend who studied psychology, in summary she advised that I needed to change my mindset and the way I think about work. It was honestly, easier said than done. When I returned, nothing changed. I told my boss I felt better but I was honestly wearing a mask. Another deadline came and stayed up late catching up with weeks of workload, but guess what? My mind, body and soul refused to do it. I submitted a subpar quality of work and shut down once more. It was on that day that I signed up for counselling. The sessions basically opened a can of worms. This internal struggle is something that I have been unconsciously facing my entire life and to have it laid bare now in my mid-20s is the perfect time I would say. Because at this point in my life, at least I am a lot more confident to face them, admit my fears and try my best to overcome it before it gets any worst.

    It’s been a scary journey but I am thankful to myself for taking the first step and daring to admit that I have a problem. I think that’s the key. I am now in recovery process. The damage of retreating at that moment, was unfortunately serious to my career but at least I caught it early on. The months I spent in my cave wasn’t a waste, I won’t think of it that way. I would say they were a necessary evil. I am now living a day at a time and practicing constant awareness as Marie talked about in her video. Feel like running away? Stay. Feel like killing someone? Walk it off. Be brave to face your demons, because they’ll actually make you stronger.

  154. I didn’t realize I had an upper limit until now or what to even call it. I sabotage myself before I even succeed BIG.

    I have not used my own domain on my blog I’ve had 2 years and I am lacking in key features as well as overall design needing work.

    Finally getting a handle on that now.

    I get scared when I start to do really well… like oh shit people know I exist and think I am good, HIDE!

    So yeah I am aware and awareness is most of the battle. The next is calling yourself out on your shit and moving forward.

  155. This has totally happened to me. I often will have such a high when something(s) good is going on. Then it’s like I have a physical crash to those same good feelings. Similar to a sugar high or having too many cocktails, “An emotional hangover.” Your video gave me some insight to the behavior. Ill be sure to check out the book you recommended.
    Thanks Marie!

  156. Akisha

    This happens to me too! Instead of hiding though, it seems like it’s short lived and it just disappears afterwards. What I do is I go into the alpha state and I remove the block that is limiting me. My other option is to go into Christie Marie Sheldon’s Unlimited Abundance program and let her clear the blocks.

  157. Theresa

    I am the queen of self sabotage. I’m starting to recognize it more now, and trying to get it under control. This video was perfect timing for me!

  158. Goodness – this couldn’t be more timely!
    I’ve just been noticing a habit (and wondering about it) around successful benchmarks within my business- and often right after publishing an issue…. hummm… Thank you so much Marie
    I too get sick- perhaps reading Gay Hendricks with a cup of tea is just what the business doctor would order

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Kristina, I’ve read some of Gay Hendricks’s other books myself, and I’ve gotta say that any of his work with a cup of tea would cure just about any ill – he’s amazing!

  159. HA!

    I’m literally sick right now. And I’ve gone through the most personal and professional grown of basically my whole life in the past 2 months.

    always on point Marie.

  160. Georgina

    Hi Marie
    Im currently working on something which will reward financially, but Im struggling with the financial side now as Im putting all my time into what Im doing and feel that I cant take my eye off the ball to achieve what Im going to achieve. Im not making any money right now so juggling all the finances. How do I stay connected to what Im doing without sabotaging with my financial thoughts which want me to quit.

  161. I’m an “iron sharpens iron” kinda guy. So, the best way for me to deal with self-sabotage is to call up one of my “accountability partners” and set definitive goals with a little help from them. That good ole “boot camp-tough love” laced with a bit of motivational profanity seems to get me back on track! I’m just “keepin’ it 100”:
    The fear of letting someone else down incites me to…***in my James Brown voice***”GET UP, GET ON UP”…more than just letting myself down! This course is teaching me how to have that inner dialogue with myself, figuratively slip on a TIGHT leisure suit and a perm wig, and get in touch with my inner James Brown on a DAILY basis!! LOL

  162. That is some of the most useful information you’ve ever given… SENSATIONAL!!! That is the TRUTH!!! We need to adjust as we succeed…our stumbling blocks raise their ugly heads and we have to break through them and go to our next level of success. BRAVO Marie…WOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!
    I’d love you to check out my website I sell books worldwide from Australia about taking care of our spirit, soul & body…and you just blew my mind!!! That is great advice and so needed to be shared!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Continued success…you rock!

  163. I definitely relate to this.,. I feel like this is the opposite of fear of failure. It’s a fear of success… Maybe it’s scary because you know people will have new expectations of you. Or you don’t know if you’ll be able to maintain your new level of success. Or you may feel a little guilty/like you do t deserve to be very “successful”. We tend to compare ourselves to others and we get comfortable thinking less of ourselves. When we see success, we don’t want to claim it because it’s easier to remain where you have always been than it is to keep climbing. My advice is keep reading and listening to people like Marie! Focus on what successful people are doing and saying. Work on your mentals. Confess all the limitations you put on yourself and challenge yourself. “Why can’t I be do great? Why can’t I handle it? Why shouldnt I have success?” Answer those personal questions because it comes down to your beliefs… Your success must correlate with your beliefs. Do you believe it’s ok to be “successful”, why and/or why not? Grow your yjinking and vision! Thank you Marie ❤️

    • Barbara

      Thank you for this great reminder. I have read the Big Leap, but really needed this reminder today. I want to keep moving forward and you give wonderful motivation!

  164. Hi Marie,
    I LOVED today’s episode, and I LOVE Gay Hendricks! Thanks for giving us a reminder about the Upper Limit Problem. I host a women’s retreat on the beach in Tulum, Mexico every summer, and this year my theme is “Making Your Big Leap” based on Gay’s book. I have 2 slots left in case you want to come. 🙂
    XO,
    SK

  165. OMG This is a thing! I’m so relieved! So, I always ‘take to my bed’ (yeah I kinda think I’m Scarlett O’Hara sometimes). Marie, you said if you get sick you should rest and take it easy, but we should also not give in to the self destructive behavior. For those of us that want to shut down (I get super overwhelmed paralysis), should we just push through it or allow some rest as well?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Great Q Scharlyn! I think it’s a careful balance of both honoring what your body needs, but still focusing on pushing through.

      Sometimes we really do need to take a little bit of time to stop, take a breath, and then dive back in BEFORE we think we’re ready. One of my favorite MarieTV episodes of all time talks about just that:

      http://marieforleo.com/2011/07/when-you-doubt-everything/

      I know for me personally, sometimes that “shut down” time ends up being much longer than I actually need. I hope that helps! <3

  166. r-evolve

    Thank you for sharing Marie!
    I’m amazed at all of the ways we will limit and prevent growth or success. I recall learning about “the law of the lid” in which Matt Morris talked about we can never achieve more than the lid on our ability or belief. This was a revelation and now learning that many other successful people experience this is valuable. Glad to hear you have dealt with your “limits” and I have more ammo to battle mine.
    Thanks again!

  167. I LOVE this episode! I have totally been self sabotaging myself but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until know! Total eureka moment, and good timing too! This is exactly what I needed this week.

    I graduated from college in May of 2014, then moved home to Alaska and started my photography business. At home no one knew I was a photographer, so I worked MY BUTT OFF let know people I was around. And I did a darn good job. Things finally started to pick up after not having really any paid work in 6 months. And then… We moved to a different state. It was hard, but I knew in my heart of hearts that it was what I wanted.

    I started over from SCRATCH. Even further backwards (it seemed) than what I had going for me when I moved home after college. No friends, no good connections, nothing. It really made me stretch myself, but when I started to get a few inquiries I realized I was trying to push them away. I was afraid of them. I didn’t know why. But, now I do! Why the HECK would I do this?

    I haven’t been watching Marie TV long (about 3-4 months). But after finding her, I binge watched like 100 episodes and enrolled in B-school! I totally trust her judgment and recommendations. I bought the book The Big Leap and I’m so excited to learn more!

  168. Gabisile

    I think i always do the same to myself….worse part in all aspects of my life and I am only 21…romantic relations are the worse off as a result i have been single all my life have resently taken a business course but my fears have taken over on the basis that will I ever have a job

  169. Barb Jeffs

    Thanks for the last couple of videos Marie. I was hanging on to getting over a cold and talking myself out of doing my 2nd only pitch to a group. Luckily I talked myself back into going today with your help and it was very worthwhile for me to do it and enjoy learning from others too.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Oh wow, it’s wonderful that you talked yourself back into it. Go Barb!

  170. specialkoz

    this is confrunting because it doesnt seem as important as the rest but here goes, i moved to italy to live with my italian fiance a few weeks ago we have been together nearly two years and i still havent learnt the language, i think its because if i speak in English nobody understands us and we have ‘private’ chats but if i learn and speak italian everybody will understand and hear my mistakes and want to talk with me, but also if we meet a big group of his friends and there is only a little translation to me i feel forgotten and left out….. i wait till we go home after having anxiety or a panic attack and my beautiful man listens talks hugs, gives me all the attention i didnt want from the big group but did want from him. All much a do about nothing but the physical anxiety is sickening and making him suffer fighting with him for no reason is terrible…. help?

  171. Hi Marie,

    I feel like this episode was manifested for me this week! I’m normally an exceptionally productive person but lately I’ve noticed that when things are going well, I coast. I think it all comes down to fear of success for me, a condition all too common particularly with female business owners.

    I recently asked a friend of mine, a yoga therapist, to write a program to help improve my motivation and learn how to motivate myself in these situations, and open myself to new possibilities and strategies. Low and behold, 2 days of the programs and your episode shows up in my inbox!

    Thank you so much for your insights. You continue to remain an inspiration.

  172. High5

    Loved the video, fresh as usual. I dont know what Im in/on, but yes, I must have hit some sort of a wall since I was riding some business start ups in jan-feb-march, then had a weird closure of one business deal, discovered with my life-coach that Im a leader, and therefore often cant “fit in a system” and I have no clue what to do with that. …and I went into “being inside”, wanting peace, leave me alone, let me find my own answers kind of a mode. But I also signed up for NLP classes to become a NLP coach (my long term wish), sold successfully my flat which took me a looot of energy and can feel that I do things, but I at all times feel its not enough- since I think Im not good enough yet to work with others- unfortunately my self-eseteem plays big tricks on me. Hopefully I will have a hughe revelation on that one soon…:)

  173. Yep, sabotageusse is my middle name lol.
    My special blend of sabotage involves getting sick and gaining weight.
    EFT, mantras and meditation has hugely helped but I’m still working on getting there.
    Thanks Marie for another amazing episode!

  174. I’ve found EFT tapping really helpful! I’ve tapped away many upper limits with my excellent coach.

    And those islands between Sweden and Finland, I guarantee you it’s gorgeous. I lived there for 15 years!

  175. This was just too perfect for me to hear today – Thank you God that someone was able to put into words the thing I have been struggling with, but had no clue I was!! I am an artist and am doing B-School to transform what I create into a profitable business. B School has given me so many tools to do that, but I keep running into this feeling/emotion that I could not pin down until now. Every time I make a sale or do an event, small or large, afterwards I want to go hide in my studio and just be alone – because I am so exhausted from the effort it took to make the darned things and from dealing with people. I don’t realize that I hide in my shop, slow down production, and don’t make any connections with anyone for weeks or longer. Then I wonder why nothing sells then panic and produce in a frenzied rush then don’t sell anything then get exhausted…….At least 3 times in the last 2 days I have had a colleague tell me to use an entire wall in his showroom to display and sell my work – no charge, no commission, not even wholesale, I get to keep 100% – and I go hide!?! This is exactly what I need to get my work seen on a much bigger commercial scale and I see now that I did not have the understanding that I can expand as this expands. The most important understanding is that these feelings have to show up!! So they can get cleaned out. Otherwise I will just sell one here or there and never get out of the starving artist arena. So, each time I see him now, I sloowwww my mind way down, put things in slow motion so that I am sturdy and grounded, ready to really listen to him and then can respond with clarity.
    Thank you Marie for this one. Love

  176. Josephine

    Oh! My! Goodness!!!
    This is such an epicly awesome concept. Whenever I make two inches of of progress and get uber excited and happy, I start to see all the things my fiancé is doing wrong and start obsessing with fixing stuff that probably isn’t even broken.
    This is such an invaluable piece of information.

    On the bright side, I suppose whenever I start to self sabotage I can take it as a sign of progress. ☺

    Thanks Marie. This is such an encouraging piece.

  177. Holy hell! I am so glad you named “ball droppers” in the video. I just had a light bulb moment. I have noticed that after I do a job for a while I stuff something up and the stuffing up makes me doubt my ability to do anything. Moving forward no more – I will know what to look for and do better

  178. Heya, Ladies!
    #MarieForleo, you are absolutely right!

    Recently I was facing all the heart-attack
    symptoms imaginable, spent some time in
    the Hospital under the oxygenation being
    wired with their recorders… LOL

    Then got idea of need to talk to my friend
    [a Psy] AND he helped me to release my
    unconsciously sabotaging FEAR! Ugh…

    Explanation: THE funniest thing is that ALL
    happened after I signed a 30 M contract…

    • PS: Thanks for reminding about the EFT,
      always using yet when having a huge issue
      to even breathe and piercing pain in heart area,
      somehow forgot about…ouch!

      PPS: the website is not working yet, simply
      because none of hosting providers having
      updated their system to accept the recent
      TLDs… LOL

  179. Hi Marie,I can not thank enough about this episode and timing is just more than perfect.I started my blog last week,my jewelry business is getting bigger, my husband finally extant his carrier,my daughter is always great even though she is almost a teenager.Everbody is happy healthy.After struggling long years this is too much for me and Last week I started to criticize everthing about my husband and my sweet daughter.Finally my husband and I had a big fight and we are not talking each other now.At least now I know I’m not crazy anymore, THANKS,Oz

  180. Els

    Everything is so clear. I feel everything I wished I had realized in this life, a very fine man, two beautiful sons, a very well-run practice …. And now it’s time to start a new chapter …. to sheare, to teach …. sometimes I give occasionally already a lecture. People are excited but am I unable to make a real step …..it feels like I have such a big fear for succes.
    (English is noet mine mother tongue)

  181. This is so me!!!! My upper limit causes me to mess up and work. If I achieve something really awesome the next day I have a good up! Uggghh! That negative voice in my head starts to pick me apart while the positive says “move past past victories and focus on the now”. So, I love the focus extra hard on the deets! Thanks!!!!

  182. A GREEEEAT reason for you to come visit us creatives in Sweden Marie! 😉

  183. Petra

    What about if you get sick because of failure?? When you get to the depression??

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Petra, I know dealing with failures or setbacks can be incredibly tough. We did a beautiful MarieTV episode a while back that talks about some helpful strategies for overcoming “failure”:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/08/overcome-setbacks/

      I really love the tip in that episode about how setbacks or “failures” are just steps on the road to success.

      I hope that helps provide you with some inspiration and helpful tips, and we’re so glad you tuned in this week!

  184. I’m sitting here typing this one-handed after a fall from my mountain bike last week left me with a broken arm and various stitches.

    I’d been pondering the meaning of it and after watching this video it all makes sense – I’m in week 5 of BSchool which has been amazing; it’s opened my eyes to a world of possibilities I couldn’t see before. It’s simple – I got scared and I got myself stuck – pretty stuck too!
    I’m used to adversity and fighting my way through life but due to my hard work, determination, spiritual beliefs and a fair bit of counselling my life isn’t hard any more. Worse than that – it’s fabulous and I just aint used to it!

    Thank you Marie for this video. Watching it has made me even more determined to enjoy my life and achieve everything I’m dreaming of. Once my body’s healed of course!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Kirsty, it sounds like you hit the nail on the head, and I love the timing of this episode for you.

      So sorry about the fall and broken body though as I’m a mountain-biker too and know that falling can be hard on confidence. It sounds like you’re taking it all in stride though armed with the ideas shared in this episode, and we’re sending you tons of love and support as you break through that glass ceiling!

      Heal up 🙂 xoxo

  185. WOW, this is a thing?? Who knew. I have always had problems moving up the ladder because when I do, it is very quick, I panic and retreat totally dropping the ball. The first week I opened my business I had a week long migraine with vomiting and just not feeling well. Good to know this and now I can stop thinking its the universe tell me I am way over my head!!

  186. So funny. Back in my pre-entrepreneur days, whenever I started a new job, I’d come down with some bug or headache. I always figured it was just adjusting physically to a new environment (fluorescent lights!) but perhaps it was self-sabotage when coming to a new upper limit.

  187. That was great Marie! Thank you for putting it into words. I have experienced a few different symptoms when I reach my upper limit – like you I have gotten physically ill and I also catch myself sabotaging my efforts by doing things that take away from my success (like not following up with people). I am aware of what I am doing, but sometimes it is hard to follow through on what I know I need to do. Still learning how to bust through it with grace and ease!

  188. Kelly

    My upper limit problems manifest themselves most clearly in relationships – I pick fights. There was a time last month where on the Friday I journaled about how everything was going so amazing in my life – I felt like I had started to achieve things, and I was proud of myself. Not so fast, said my body, you’re getting a bit too happy for us to be comfortable with – and the next day, before I knew what I was doing, I instigated a large, game-changing fight with my boyfriend. Thermostat reset, my body said, content.

    I’m still figuring out how to ‘manage’ my upper-limit problems – when I feel really good, I try and be aware of that and to watch myself. I breathe a lot, and make sure to put self-care first (for me means rest days, nights in, long baths, and walks) and be really gentle with myself. Longer-term, what I’m trying to teach myself now is that I deserve a higher happiness ‘temperature’ – Marie, if you have any tips/strategies here, would be greatly appreciated!!

  189. Oh my goodness!!! COMPLETELY resonate with this video Marie!!! After experiencing the most successful time in my career last month, I found myself very sick, tired and lethargic. I too, went to the doctors, diagnosed myself until results came back and said that they were all negative. Huh. And now I completely understand why and will continue working on awareness for this!!! Thank YOU Thank YOU!!!

  190. Courtney Tarnow

    Yesterday, I popped into a Facebook finances/abundance group I’m in to rant about the money issues that have happened to me lately. I’ve been doing some clearing on money/abundance blocks and I’ve also recently received two parking tickets and other small things pop up that are really discouraging.

    I asked for advice, and one woman asked if I had heard of “upper limiting.” I said no, since I hadn’t watched Marie TV in the morning. Fast forward to after work and tune into Marie TV. You can imagine my shock when she said the term “upper limit.”

    It’s such an interesting concept and this explanation makes total sense to me. Thank you so much for this video, and for helping me open my eyes to the ways I might hold myself back. I think this could really lead to a big shift in breaking through!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      LOVE it, Courtney.

      • Courtney Tarnow

        Thanks, Chelsea 🙂

  191. Christal

    THANK YOU! A year into “testing” out a new business I decided to “professionalize” myself and really focus on new branding,website…(whispering) and business cards etc. However I wondered why I hadn’t done this before, how committed WAS I to my own business? Had I been dating the idea of being an entrepreneur? Finally after a long talk with myself I forged ahead and recommitted myself. I bought my new domain, started on my branding, planned out blog topics…I was plowing thorough like a champ. A few days later I suddenly felt unworthy and TOTALLY insecure. I wondered who would ever listen to ME? What do I really have to offer? I was breaking down in a sad ugly face cry…who am I? After a few days of that I slowly started to come back to my senses (still insecure but moving forward) After your message I realized maybe I reached that upper limit…how many upper limits did I break or simply sit down because I was insecure? Thank you for the message..it gives me the little bitch slap I needed. 🙂

    Christal
    Small Business Contessa (Coming Soon)

  192. Elisabeth

    LOL! Just incorporated last week. Having rotater cuff issues this week. And I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. I suspected self-sabotage and now I’m sure of it.

    Hang tough ladies! Let’s take it to the next level!!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Cheers to that! 🙂

  193. RoRo

    You’re absolutely genuine & awesome! I can totally relate to this video’s message. Thank you.

  194. Diana

    This is an absolutely fascinating concept and video! People might say “Are you kidding me? These people can’t handle GOOD things?!” But it’s true! I use A Course In Miracles to expand my capacity to receive all things loving into my reality. We block the light because we’re more comfortable at the level we’re used to. If you’re ready to live in a world where your dreams come true, consider a new thought system. It’s the only way you’ll let yourself receive it!

  195. Holy Cow!!! Thank you Universe for allowing this video to cross my path….thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Recently, I left my (18+ years) corporate job in a bank to follow my passion in health and wellness. The past few weeks my new business has been picking up and new opportunities are coming at me left and right. Now, I rarely get sick but Monday I started feeling kind icky and came down with a cold….so not like me! I was just telling my husband I never get sick, even when everyone else is sick in my house.

    After watching this video, it all makes sense now! Thanks, Marie…you rock!

    Health + Happiness,
    Teri Elkins 🙂

  196. Diana

    I am still working a day job and for the past 6 weeks or so have been working very hard to launch my business, so I am moving forward. Then I suddenly started feeling really sick – nauseous, faint, lethargic, a bit anxious….it’s been only 3 or 4 days. Either it’s a flu or this Upper Limit phenomena. Or maybe I’m just pushing myself too hard?

  197. Dude……at least my synchronistic upper limit bug is on point. Perfect timing for this article. Finally launched my website and sold a few things and had a few people contact me and now I’m on day six of the hideous upper limit flu. And yes, awareness is everything. I really reflected, actually was forced to reflect during the worst part of this Sick Assniss. You know when you’re really sick and then you cry about something and it’s about something that
    happened when you were five years old!? LOL! While I’ve been sick, i’ve had some amazing awareness about conditioning, you know, the old tapes. Don’t be so enthusiastic, who do you think you are, go on with your little life. Brene Brown talks about this syndrome. Being afraid of our joy and expansiveness, waiting for the other shoe to drop etc. OK, thank you, once again for the continuing clarity. And, by the way I just love Gay Hendrix. I had the opportunity to see Gay and Katie speak once and I’m so grateful for that!
    Big Love & Cheers to upping The Upper Limit! ❤️

  198. Oh am I so grateful to you. Just before this major trip that would define my future business direction and possibly life also. I went down for the count with a one week and some long migraine that I went to the ER and then my Dr.. It was so bad I had to take real medication for it and just stopped everything dead in it’s tracks. I did notice that it was when I decided that all I could do was lean in that I felt better. Though it wasn’t til this video that it hit me. I did initially think the whole timing and incident strange as I hadn’t been sick or out like that for as far back as I can remember. It has also made me think as to other areas in my life that I’m sabotaging. Thanks again for the eye opener and the time saving. I can now stop trying to harass my Dr., unlike you I didn’t stop with the nothings wrong with you advise.

  199. I have said thank you but not with the clarity that I say it today. So many comments here my words feel drowned. nevertheless, unheard or not THANK YOU! I purchased Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap to go into further detail about self sabotage and I simply cannot put it down. Marie, my words here might be drowned out but, as you requested, I’m adding my voice and with your recommendation of that book and of course – your discussion – you just may have saved a life! I’ve gotta go – more reading to do. Marie and team Forleo my deepest most sincere heartfelt appreciation.

    A few tears of joy shed,
    Charles

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Charles, thank you so much for adding your voice to our discussion. I totally got goosebumps reading your comment – it means the world to us to hear that this episode resonated with you and inspired you to pick up Gay Hendricks’ book.

      You’re absolutely heard, Charles, we’re always listening!

  200. I remind myself if I want to know something, I really need to experience on it or look careful on it to know all detail about it before I can know what serve me or what is exactly thing I need to improve.
    Thank you share great useful video.

  201. Ruth

    The most successful way I have found to truly get beyond self sabotage behaviour is through using EFT (emotional freedom techniques) EFT can completely clear the limiting belief that underpins the behaviour pattern. Being aware is a great start but from my own experience the issues need clearing to really move ahead or they will just keep coming back in various different ways. Also a lot of issues can be buried in the subconscious and must be dealt with also. I have even worked through stuff from previous lives that were affecting me in this life as they were still unresolved issues. When you get to the root cause and deal with it, the shifts can be truly AMAZING!.

    • Kitts

      So true Ruth, I think for many people the root of their self-sabotage is often so deep in their subconscious that they are unable to manage this sudden, new and unexplainable fear and pain they experience when they reach the upper limit. I experienced this and also the benefits of going deeper into my subconscious. I’m amazed at the changes in my life as I continue to heal the past 🙂

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Such a great point, Ruth – I know EFT is a tremendous resource for so many people. We had an episode of MarieTV with guest Nick Ortner that talks about EFT if you’d like to check it out just for fun:

      http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/04/tapping-eft/

  202. Kitts

    Marie, you’re so awesome! Always on point, honest and talking about all the weird, REAL problems we face as we go forward towards our dreams.

    I was a massive self-sabotager which took the form of “making everything right for others” to the detriment of my own life. The funny thing was I was completely oblivious to my actions until I was in my late 20s! I found that looking into my childhood was the key to overcoming my self-sabotage – I realised that my “making things better for others” was really a way of making myself feel safe by keeping the people around me happy. Thankfully I recognised what I do/did and I’m changing it. It feels good!

    Good luck to everyone! Xx

  203. Marie

    Oh my God, that is whay?!

    Thank you so much, as always, for sharing tips like this 🙂
    Every time smthg good in my carreer happen, it feels like I am on stage under the spotlights …. I have been waiting for it and then, suddenly I want to run back to my safe and confort zone where NOBODY will see my mistakes and imperfections, nobody would say anything about me doing something good or bad.
    Hum…. just a limit that can be adjusted, you say? What a good news!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Yes it can, Marie! It takes some awareness and being willing to keep pushing forward when you feel like you might want to run away, but you absolutely can push that limit up … I’ve done it myself 🙂

  204. OMG this couldn’t have come at a better time!
    Literally watching this yesterday I was on the sofa feeling frustrated about having headaches, cramps and all kinds of weirdness in my body preventing me from working on full power.
    The funny thing is my Happyologist business is at a total turning point and in between my headaches I still managed to run a sold-out workshop with superb feedback and meet one of my inspirations Gretchen Rubin.
    When I did stop to relax all kinds of pain appeared which made me so annoyed as I’m so energised & motivated at the moment with my business as it’s on a growth spurt & I’ve got loads of B-School stuff I want to implement (doing it 3rd time around and still loving it – this is the finetuning year!).

    This is a good reminded that sometimes you’ve got to listen to your body and let it re-adjust. I did that yesterday and today I feel alive again – like a new person!
    This makes so much sense now and I will remember this now whenever I start to feel ill again when things are going good.
    Thanks Marie – one of my favourite episodes so far! :* 🙂

  205. SophieK

    oh I loved this and hated it because I see my upper limit is truly in the realm of happiness. My limited tolerance for feeling good is actually what has been stopping me truly embracing life and taking action to do the things I know make me feel good, like yoga, eating well etc etc. a life long upper limit issue!! I have often felt that maybe it is depression that keeps me down, but I never feel than low, I just never feel very whole heartedly ‘up’ either! Awareness….. My plan now is to become aware of all the ways I limit my happiness and connection and one by one stomp on their heads! I think I may also have to read “the big leap”. Thank you! X

  206. Heather L

    Incredibly timely. I also get the physical manifestations with breakthrough but mainly, I sabotage myself by procrastinating. Then when I feel hopeful & encouraged, I work on everything that was put off and the repercussions of that send me into a tailspin of stress. This typically includes a financial hit, which is where I’m at today. I will be working on this, already did a little EFT and will check out the book. Thank you, Marie. Inspiring and helpful as always.

  207. Great !! 😀 answer, whenever i went for interview or had a chance to provide a presentation infront of others, meeting new and unfamiliar clients i had that same weird sick like feel, i can’t able to eat, i feel nauseating and having confusing thought, i often ask myself what the hell is this feel is!. You answerd my Q too , love you mary 🙂 🙂 Thank you

  208. Look at all these women in the comments who experience this. So amazing to learn one is not alone. I love that you said it used to happen for years, because me too. I am sick now for 7 days with a bad cold, which I rarely get, because I have a big project and people are helping me get in touch with other places to sell! I am freaked out (need a factory, need to source more product, need to keep doing other work, ugh!) and got ill. I knew it was fear because it happens when I get overwhelmed. With your video today it just hit the point. I feel better already and will be back to work today with ease and will be healthy tomorrow. And will meditate, work and succeed. Thank you

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Pippi, absolutely, you are SO not alone. Take care of yourself, and we’re so glad this episode hit home for you.

      Hope you have a great rest of the week!

  209. Thank you for this! I bought the book and have already finished it. I’m in the process of selling my physical kettlebell gym space to do more online training and traveling to teach instructors how to teach kettlebells. I started my gym 7.5 years ago and lived in the storage room for almost 4 years to make it work. This is a big step and I’ve noticed some self-sabotaging behaviors and this came RIGHT IN TIME. Thank you, Marie!

  210. IN-Vizion® Process and EFT Tapping are really helping me with this issue; these tools get into the parts of the brain where we cling to old wounds and patterns.

  211. David Ashford

    Ooooh, good one 🙂 An interesting twist on the comfort/stretch/panic zone idea. Will definitely look into this.

    Really enjoying B-School by the way

  212. I just want to thank you for MarieTV(and B-School!) in general, Marie.

    I have learned many things thus far, but something I’m realizing again today is that I push myself to produce and build and give and give… without taking enough time to take in, learn, and connect with other like-minded people. I especially need to get better at the connection and tapping into the wonderful minds and hearts of other entrepreneurs in the world.

    I want to schedule time for learning and connecting every day!

    I also respond to any success by pushing myself harder in ways that are certainly self-sabotaging because they leave me drained or doing “busy-work”! So, thanks for this reminder!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Kristine, you’re so welcome, and we’re thrilled to have you in the MarieTV and B-School family. 🙂

  213. Hi Marie — Oh, yea…I completely understand. Funny thing is that one of my girlfriends and I are both enrolled in B-School. We were checking in with each other, and she explained how she had gotten really, really sick after the third week of B-School. She had the stomach flew. I, too, had been nauseous for several days. I had a horrible stomach ache.

    Thank goodness, I found Louise Hay (author of You Can Heal Your Life) many years ago, and as soon as I am feeling funky, I check with Louise to find out why. Stomach issues are related to “fear of the new.”

    And, your concept also makes perfect sense. While my business is in the infancy stage, I have an overwhelming feeling of extraordinary success with my new venture. That, alone, scares the bejesus out of me!

    Thank you for your insight, as always

  214. Hi Marie,

    I really needed to hear this today. I recognize this in my life for what it is after hearing you describe it. In my case I get weepy and I want to quit, and truthfully in the past I have. I am going through another one of these episodes as I am transitioning from one career to another and the unknown and potential success is a bit scary. Thanks for sharing. It has made a difference in how I feel right now. Blessings.

    • It’s not often you see two Sharons in a row! 🙂 Just wanted to say hello and wish you grace and ease in this new chapter ahead…

      • Caroline - Team Forleo

        Oh how awesome – two amazing Sharons in a row 😉 Cheers to the both of you … I have no doubt you’ll both rock it and push your own upper limits!

  215. I so appreciated (and related to) this video, Marie. I just officially launched my first webinar today, which is a prelude to my first online class. My stomach has been in knots ever since! This is ironic, as my class is about digestive health… 😉 I know I have some work to do when it comes my “Upper Limit”, but I feel confident that I can make my dreams a reality. Your open-hearted honesty helps make it feel a lot easier! Thank you!!!

    • Hi fellow Sharon!

      Let me commend you for doing your first webinar!! I have been dreading and delaying mine for the past 5 weeks so kudos to you! I wish you phenomenal success for all your future plans. Have a great Friday!

      • Thanks fellow Sharon! 🙂 Sometimes it takes a while to be ready, and 5 weeks is a drop in the bucket in the long haul (in my humble opinion)… Best of luck making your big leap, Sharon! 🙂

  216. Bingo. You found my weakness Marie. I do this to myself too. My symptom is I take a ‘mental day off’ (MDO) to defrag my frazzled brain. I will worry about all sorts of things, some big & others inconsequential. But somehow they all end up feeling equal and I just crawl in bed and sleep all day and try to tune out everyone and everything and destress. Help !

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Mmm yeah, I so hear you on the mental day off, Vince. I think it can actually be really great to have a mental day off once in a while, but you might find it helpful to REALLY take the day off. So watch your favorite show on Netflix for a while, read some awesome light fiction, go for a long walk, or something along those lines, and just give yourself permission to be completely off the grid. I tend to get my mind whirling too on those off days, but if you do that, your brain isn’t really getting time off!

      Definitely check out my favorite MarieTV episode for a few more tips on burnout: http://marieforleo.com/2011/07/when-you-doubt-everything/

      I think you’ll really like that episode, as Marie talks about both those days off and putting small, healthy habits in place. I hope that helps, and hopefully you’ll find your brain starts calming down a bit more soon. Thanks for tuning in!

  217. Emma

    So my comment is off the topic but not off Marie TV –
    girlfriend! I nearly dropped my jaw when you gave that intro briefing about the little islands between Finland and Sweden where there’s almost 24h sunlight during summer… You be right, miss. ‘Cause I have a summer cottage on one of those islands! Being a citizen of Finland. And having the good fortune to top it off, I guess. If you’re ever in the vicinity – and it’s summer – and you need a swim – drop me a line! Enjoying Marie TV, you’re a funny girl Marie. Emma (B-schooler 2015)

  218. Yep. That’s me. Took me a while to finally figure out that this angry, ugly side of me would show up the day after I had some breakthrough, or upper-limit pushing day. I’d get clumsy, or stuff would go wrong, and what finally clued me in was the ‘voice’ in my head chastising me with ‘see, you’re never gonna make it, you’re never gonna get out of this rut.. you suck!’ (yeah, WKRAP radio would get turned WAY up). I realized that I had awakened the wolf at the door ‘protecting’ me. So, while I tend to forget that will happen (and prepare accordingly), I’ve learned to recognize what’s happening… slow down, be gentle with myself, wait till the beast goes back to sleep, then get back to work. Not easy. But I am SO happy to hear that this happens to a lot of people!

    • Hi Gina, Reading through the comments, your “clumsy” description helped me realize I do that, too! It’s like I’m not grounded during my “upper limit” time. Good luck with your ventures!

  219. This is CRAZY timing! I have upper limit syndrome as I write this.

    I’ve been pouring my love, sweat, and tears into a new online accessory business. I FINALLY launched it (April 15th) and as soon as I sent the Social Media “Grand Opening” email, I felt so excited I thought I’d cry… but now.. I can’t help but think, ‘holy crap! People are seeing this. I’m out there now!”

    I’m spending a few hours today to just meditate and chill. I don’t want to go back to my comfort zone. I want to show up for any success that comes my way.

    LOVE this mantra! Thank you, Marie. You duh bes!!! “I expand in success, love, and creativity everyday as I inspire others to do the same.”

    Much love
    Lisa

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s amazing Lisa – we’re so grateful to hear this episode arrived at the perfect time. Congratulations on your launch! xoxo

  220. Wow. This really hit home. Someone gave a prosperity seminar and I went home to listen to the material and started uncontrollably sobbing. Still haven’t figured it out. In fact, have had a ton of success for others, and that is fine. But success for myself, forget it! Help!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Suellen, I’m sorry to hear that finding your own success is something you’re struggling with. I know you’re absolutely not alone, and I hope that this episode provided you with a few helpful tips and inspiration.

      I also thought I might share this other great MarieTV episode with you that talks a bit more about why we sabotage ourselves and what you can do about it: http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/10/stop-self-sabotage/

      I also definitely encourage you to read some of the other comments on this blog post if you haven’t already. There are some incredible shares on here about self-sabotaging and pushing your upper limits from so many people who have been where you are, so you may find some wonderful insights here too.

      We’re so glad you tuned in this week, and hope that you can find some practices to help boost your own success and start pushing those upper limits. We’re cheering you on!

  221. Yey, Sweden! Hehe, you should really experience the light, it is amazing! Come visit!

    Anyways, what I usually do, when things are going in the right direction; I put up goals that are way too big in the time frame I allow myself. This in turn results in me feeling like a failure because “I can’t grow or get things right”. A great way to ensure I stay exactly where I’m at. Luckily I’m getting on top of that and dialing up my awareness! Thanks for reminding me Marie 😉

    XOXO
    From Sweden / Caroline

  222. Oh my gosh! This video was so me. You were describing me! I have been at the doctor’s for over two weeks now. Tested for everything, kept on complaining about stiff muscles, and joint pain. The doctor just said lose the weight and stop the anxiety, go on a vacation!! lol! I do this to myself all the time. Every time I’m about to go on another level in my personal, or professional life….I GET SICK!!! I stop my diet, I just let all of the anxiety consume me, and after I had gain the weight, then I complain about my weight, so all the anxiety and negative energy goes into complaining about me being fat. Then I can move on to “TRY” to be a great professional. “I can’t because I’m sick” I can’t because I’m tired” My poor body. ggrrr! I didn’t know why, but this is so true. I have been sabotaging myself without me knowing it. As I saw the video I was impacted with truth and for that my DEAR MARIE I thank you. <3 <3 <3 "The truth shall set you FREE"

  223. Needed to hear this today! Practicing more awareness now!
    Thanks Marie!

  224. Head-splitting headackes?? Omg that’s what i’ve been through fot so msny years….. I used to have these incredible migrains with nausea, i couldn’t eat or stay into the light for a day…. things started to get worse when i started to build my own life, i felt like i couldn’t manage it and u was too weak… andi also had troubles when i had to leave for a holiday with my partner! Of course, i was a little stressed out for lots of things but i was definetely sabotaging myself. I started to feel better when i told to myself ‘you know what? You’ve made all the tests and everything’s fine with you, so the only thing you can do is to take your time, relax whenever you need it and be aware that if you feel sick thrn you just have to wait until it goes away.. ‘ i don’t know how but it’s been a few years since my migraines started to fisappear by themselves. Thank you Marie for sharing this video, i feel a little less strange now that i kniw i’m not the only one sabotaging herself when good things happen!

  225. Marie:

    Thank you for sharing. I finally got the Upper Limit “challenge”. Went into self hypnosis and saw 4 quadrants. Turned my internal thermostat up automatically everyday for the next 50 days to increase the threshold of my upper limit on 3 quadrants. The 4th one was fear and all those things I was told about if you do this, then that will happen.

    I envisioned those soundtracks leaving my ear and leaving my body permanently. Had to deal with two memories where something good happened and then something unrelated that appeared bad happened early in life They weren’t even my own story. I unhooked them, and let all parts know that they were not related.

    Then I looked at the good things that have happened and realized those bad things were life events that would have happened no matter what. They were not related. Hmmm. We are so interesting and I am so thankful that you shared your story so I could free myself from my own limiting beliefs.

  226. Staci J

    Big breakthrough today….I am a landscape and garden designer and for a couple years I could not get my website up and running…why? Lots of reasons but I never thought I could capture the spaces I designed and oftentimes planted on camera, and I desperately want strong images. So, today, I pushed through all the discomfort of self promotion and had my first professional photo shoot, with 3 more lined up this spring and summer. All week long, I searched for ways to cancel clean ups and the photographer, but I didn’t. I stuck through and did not retreat! Now, I have so many proposals to complete and new clients to get on board I need to find my new upper limit!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      YES! Awesome, Staci! 🙂

      • Such a timely post and words I really needed to hear! After starting a lot of unfinished businesses through the years, I signed up for b-school this year and have began making real progress.

        For me, I realized not only was I often really uncomfortable with my wins, but some of the people I chose to spend the most time around were uncomfortable with my wins too. Realizing that gave me the power to make some choices on how I wanted to change my situation and that has provided so much clarity around how I see my future.

        Thanks for sharing another gem, Marie! 🙂

  227. I start to panic when I feel I’ve been too successful – like I’m not worthy of the recognition or the good things happening to me. It’s as if I feel I’m on a pedestal and all it will take is one small thing to knock me off so I don’t want to be there.

    To try to combat it, I do step back just a little to gain perspective and to refresh myself. I tell myself that I have worked hard and am deserving of the recognition. It still remains a work in progress.

  228. Mandi Knight

    I’m definitely a self-sabatager. It has taken me years to fight through my own personal barriers and feel okay with myself and just try to like myself. The job is never done, which can be frustrating. But I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to raise that Upper Limit a little bit every day. Okay, maybe every month or so …

    I’ve always been the kind of person who loves a challenge. More often than not, the challenges I’m presented with take me out of my comfort zone. Some times a lot, sometimes only a little. I’ve found that the ones that only take me out a little bit have been the most helpful. Baby steps, right? But it’s those challenges that take me so far out of my comfort zone, I’m not sure I’ll find it again that are the scariest ones. These are the toughest ones to fight through and if I don’t, I always regret it. Especially since it’s those tough ones that are usually the ones that help me overcome my limits the most.

    So I’ve taken all those regrets and put them near the front of my mind, easily accessible for the next time a big challenge presents itself. That way, I can remember how I felt when I self sabotaged and use that feeling to help me get through the current challenge.

    I’ve been told countless times to ‘just pretend’ something is true. Or ‘pretend I’m acting a role.’ That one really bugs me – acting isn’t about pretending to be someone. So I’ve had to rely on other means. One half-blessing of being a perfectionist is that no one can be more disappointed in me than me. So I just reach into the future to future me who will berate me for not at least trying.

    I still slip, of course. It’s not something that ever really goes away. So it’s really good to know that I’m not the only one having this problem. The best ‘outside’ help I’ve received is having people around me who support and want to help build me up. Not something I’ve really had before in my life, so you can imagine the sabotage my subconscious tried to play when I met the person.

    Thank you for this. Most times, it’s helpful to know that we aren’t alone in our struggles and that in itself helps us push forward.

    And this comment has become vastly longer than I’d anticipated … Apologies!

  229. Jane Kenyon

    Thanks Marie,
    You are my Guru! This is such a wonderful and timely insight. It so good to have a new perspective.

  230. I read something about this very topic on the Indie Chicks! Self-sabotage will lead us nowhere fast. Enjoy life in the moment and do not push yourself to the “upper limit.”

  231. This is a great topic! I didn’t realize until now that I had an upper limit, but I sure do! I can see now that I stop myself at 90% rather than having the courage to fully express who I am and what I am capable of. It’s fear based, fear of criticism, fear of putting myself out there. It’s about allowing yourself to open up completely and just feel the peace.

  232. Catherine

    Such a valuable and timely topic, thanks Marie! Look forward to checking out ‘The Big Leap’ because this makes a whollllllle lotta sense when I look at how the first few months of this year have panned out. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂 xo

  233. Thanks so much for this, Marie! I’m so happy to see that this isn’t just a weird thing I do! After many years with depression and not being happy with my work, body, and relationships, everything is really on an upward climb. B-School has definitely put a lot of things into perspective and staying aware of self-sabotage has been so important to me in keeping up with the marathon that comes with a growing business 🙂

  234. Pantothenic

    Hi Marie,
    Thanks for bringing awareness to this universal-yet-litttle-known problem. So many men and women go through this. Especially grateful that you offered solutions for this thing, instead of just describing the situation and leaving it at that.

  235. so glad you got better!

  236. WOW what a powerful video Marie. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I experience the most resistance right before (and not after) I do something big. I don’t get sick but I do get wanderlust, as in I just want to pack up and leave. However my challenges always find a way into my suitcase anyway 😉 PS: I love how Steven Pressfield defines resistance in The War of Art. xoxo, Kristel

  237. Robin Bruce

    I reached my upper limit earlier this month when I broke out in dermatitis on both of my hands! I was about to finish leading my first program while making some business breakthroughs with my second run in b-school. I HAD to push through the discomfort, but when the program was over the rash came back stronger and more painful than before! So, I stopped b-school and am taking rest now. I’m wondering….how do I take better care of myself as I both grow my business and work part-time to support it? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

    Love,
    ~Robin

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Oh no Robin, I’m sorry to hear that! Definitely do take a little time to rest and recuperate first of all — B-School isn’t going anywhere, so you’ll have plenty of time to dive in anytime.

      In the meantime, I thought I might pass along my favorite MarieTV episode that talks about putting small habits into place to help make sure you’re taking good care of yourself: http://marieforleo.com/2011/07/when-you-doubt-everything/

      Paying attention to your body and mind, especially when you’re pushing those upper limits, is really important. So many of us tend to drop the self care when things get busy, but those little habits can do so much to keep us strong.

      The episode I shared is a classic with some great tips, so I hope that helps and that you start feeling better soon!

  238. OMG this is crazy! I was just telling my husband that the past 3 presentations that I’ve been hired for- which is all new for me and showing that my business is getting out there- I get the flu. It’s so strange. And like you, Marie, I never get sick. So after the third event I was hired for, whatta ya know I get sick a day before. Stomach flu. I NEVER get the stomach flu. Like back in grade school maybe? I told my husband something is up mentally. So when this came into my inbox I had a “ta-da!” moment. Thanks for always making me feel normal Marie. I need to be more conscious of this.

  239. Ting

    It’s a topic that everyone might faces. Thanks for giving such good advice. It’s very inspiring.

  240. Savannah

    I totally understand where you’re coming from, Marie! I feel like many of us come across this and it’s absolutely the worst feeling in the world. We learned in Psychology that our mind is very powerful! Personally, I just want to run and hide when I hit my upper limit because I always feel like that amazing moment is only temporary and I feel like it’s not going to last. From personal experience I was having an amazing day with my family; we went to Hawaii. I thought it was a dream and I started to get depressed all of a sudden because I knew that the trip would come to an end and I would have to go back to work the next week. I believe that meditation is a powerful thing that all of us need to do in order to stop self-sabotage. I loved this post so much. Thank you again for your inspirational thoughts, Marie 🙂

  241. A couple of years ago, I remodeled my consulting practice to create a good six figures from working only 7 days a month. I found myself telling friends, “I can’t believe my life! Can you believe how lucky I am?!”

    One day it struck me that I should not be so astounded; I was after all living the result of deliberate action. I realized further that my disbelief was actually cloaked ingratitude with the potential for sabotage if it continued.

    Now poised for another growth spurt, I can see the phenom you describe and foil it with Gay’s mantra (which sounds amazingly like my life’s mission statement!)

    I continue to enjoy the fruits of my practice mentoring other entrepreneurs and have over the years expanded very successfully many times. I’ve tempered the shifting upper limit I couldn’t handle by slowing the pace, cycling with periods of unconsciously stifling stress if necessary, to assure I wasn’t growing where I couldn’t yet hang comfortably.

    Thanks for another helpful insight Marie – I’ll watch for undercuts, and use the Gay Hendricks mantra to ease the next growth spurt.

  242. Hi Marie,
    Thanks to a fellow B-schooler I am currently listening to Gay’s book – wow! a few interesting things have happened to me which I believe are directly related to the upper limit problem. In December I started a wonderful relationship with a new partner. Since then I have been to the doctor about 5 times with various physical problems. Then this week I had an amazing day, I felt so positive and happy. Then what did I do I picked a fight with my partner and we fell out. I went outside and said to the universe is this an upper limit problem and I heard a resounding yes!! Fortunately my partner and I are back in a good place. All incredibly interesting stuff! The key is going to be sitting in the new space and not allowing myself to sabotage things. I make a commitment to do that. Thanks so much it was a great and very meaningful episode for me this week! Lauren

  243. Silly question, but how do you think Marie makes her money? On Marie TV? I never see ads…. or pushing of products…..

  244. Hi Marie
    Thank you very much, you opened my eyes and my soul.
    that’s exactly what I’m going through in the last month.
    Iheard you chills all over my boby.
    All The best
    Hila

  245. Cathy

    THIS is EXACTLY what I was talking about this morning with a friend. His wife had a very abusive childhood. When things in her life settle down or get normal, she sabotages the situation because she is so uncomfortable in “normal”. She is familiar with and comfortable in chaos. GREAT video.

  246. I didn’t know there was a word for what I was experiencing. But, thanks to your video, I understand. Over the years, I’ve engaged in self-sabotaging behaviors such as “hiding,” “tv binge-ing” “dropping the ball,” and many others. But, now that I know what this is, I plan to get Gay’s book and change the course of my life. One of the aspects of self-sabotaging I’ve also noticed is that I tend to procrastinate more when I reach higher heights. I developed some tools and awareness for these issues, but it surprises me how hard you have to work to learn to be happy with your success. It almost seems unreasonable. I would like to recommend the book, “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns. Though it’s marketed to those who suffer from depression, it has plenty of anti-procrastination tools which self-saboteurs definitely need. His Anti-Procrastination worksheet is an absolute life saver. I appreciate your video and time for bringing this issue forward.

  247. Wow – I loved reading through all of your stories!
    I used to suffer with self-sabotage SO badly. Whenever I would feel like I was getting ahead financially I would get a speeding fine or a random bill or SOMETHING would happen to take away my money every single time.
    But not anymore!
    I have slowly and surely become more and more comfortable with receiving more. Now I have a steady income and I even have savings!
    Such an important conversation – thanks Marie! x

  248. Lori

    I am finding myself catching up on videos and this one really “spoke” to me. I also get physically sick…I mean stuck in bed for a week sick…when ever I push myself too hard professionally. I am flying along having so much fun in what I do, feeling really good about what I’m accomplishing with more ideas flying around in my head, then BAM! A brick wall suddenly appears and I crash and burn…I am definitely going to need to figure out how to recognize the “signs” and chill out when this happens. Thanks for the heads up!

  249. Kelly

    Wow, Marie, I just happened to click on this video after watching this week’s on self-promotion. It came at a great time for me – I hit my upper limit HARD last week – I finally was able to get my work and life organized and clarified and start great new projects and settle into great new routines. I am treating my body right, eating well, exercising daily, working hard and well in my job, clarifying and planning my family’s finances, and really practicing mindfulness and presence with my family. I even set PRs in my sport of choice (rock climbing) and got back into clothes that hadn’t fit since before my son was born. I felt like – and admitted out loud – that my life could not get any better. The response of my unconscious, though? I suddenly developed an inexplicable and fully debilitating spiritual malaise – restless, irritable, discontent. It was bizarre and completely precluded the joy that I had experienced in achieving such a fine balance of health and happiness – a balance that I think transcended anything I had ever felt before. Suddenly, all I could focus on were the slightly unsatisfactory minutia that I knew I could not control, and I felt fully disengaged from the shiny life I had been so fortunate to grasp. It frustrated me to no end that I could not get myself back into the place of joy and happiness to appreciate my extraordinary good fortune and hard work.

    The amazing thing is that I hung in there. I credit the accountability in my life that I knew I would need when I removed all the habits in my life that I would have typically run to (almost on autopilot) to escape this feeling, to numb it, to bring my life back down to size – drinking and drugging to oblivion, gorging on ice cream, binging on television, etc. – I was forced to confront it. The only “escapist” habit I had left was reading, and I couldn’t even sit still for that. I sat in mindfulness meditation and was able to allow this feeling to wash over me and to just feel it. To accept that I was feeling it and that I didn’t know why I was feeling it – that was OK. I just stayed with it – not perfectly, but I kept coming back to acceptance. And the discomfort of feeling it definitely made me slightly more snappy and on edge, but I tried to remain friendly and generous toward myself. I warned my husband how I was feeling and made sure not to take it out on my son, retreating when necessary, and we all made it through.

    This week, with the start of a new project, I’m re-energized and excited. Watching your video gave me a new understanding of what I was dealing with – an upper limit problem, for sure! It so helps to know that I’m not alone in this feeling. I am so grateful that I found a way to avoid the self-sabotage that has prevented me from feeling this way before – for me, I would have gotten wasted and blown up everything good about my life, from my relationships to my work to my health. And it’s so easy to replace one addiction with another. It’s so important, when we realize we have these ingrained and reinforced addictive behavior patterns, that we find a teacher to help us confront the triggers and deal with them healthily. Otherwise, we end up with nothing to fall back on, and that’s when we see cross-addiction and relapse.

    This is what happens, when an addict relapses and no one knows why – “It doesn’t make sense,” we say. “Everything was going so well.” I know now – it’s exactly this problem.

  250. Dennise Kowalczyk

    Just catching up on my backlog of Marie TV and this is AMAZING! I have been banging my head against the wall wondering what the heck was going on with me when life was in an upswing but I was so down. When I had no obvious reason to be unhappy because I had such abundance of Good Things in my life. Thanks for this and I will definitely incorporate this great info into my mindful practice of increasing my self-awareness. Thanks, Marie!!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Dennise, we’re so glad to hear you’re enjoying going through some MarieTVs, and that this episode in particular resonated with you. Keep on pushing those upper limits! <3 <3

  251. Jen

    I’ve just started watching your videos and I have to say I am learning a lot. For a while I’ve noticed myself hitting a success high and then I completely shut down. I stop creating, stop listing stuff on my Etsy store, posting on my blog, everything. I let so much time pass before I come back I almost have to start over again. When my YouTube hit 1000 subscribers I had a giveaway and then stopped. People are still subscribing and I’m wondering why. Obviously they like what they see there and want to see more but I just sit here hiding. When I have a boost in sales from my shop as well. I have more stuff to list but I just don’t. I do think it is a case of self sabotage. I also get plagued by fear that “what if it is so successful, it takes too much of my time that I can’t give to my family?”. There is a part of me that believes if I’m doing what I was meant to do the other things will fall into place but its a small part of me. So thanks for the video on this. It helps me see what’s going on and what I need to be aware of in the future.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Jen, thank you so much for checking out this episode. Many people share the fear that success will be limiting in some ways (myself included!), so I know you’re not alone there.

      As we grow and evolve, it can take some time and hustle of course, but there are always ways to keep your business successful without it taking over your life like automating as much as possible or even bringing on a team. As Marie says, “everything is figure-out-able,” so there are absolutely ways to build your business while still having time for your family.

      We’re so glad to hear that you found some helpful tips for pushing through your self-sabotage and upper limits, and hope that it helps you take your business to the next level!

  252. Ada

    I did that today…I self-sabotaged. My way of self-sabotage is to make myself smaller, to not be in the moment trying to be my best, but instead toning everything down, even to the point of acting or talking in a silly (not cute) way and annoying, and watching it all unfold unable to stop it sometimes… 🙁
    I don’t like it, I really did feel like I’m not allowing myself to be everything I am, even to the point of sounding upset or dismissive to the people that were treating me with consideration. It’ awful.
    Your video was exactly what I needed to give it a name and put it in words.

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Ada, you’re so not alone, and we’re grateful to hear this video helped and gave you some ideas to put into practice.

  253. Marie,

    Thank you for this video. I really do have an upper limit problem that causes me to reel back. As a result, things slow down and I wonder what happened afterwards. It is nice to know that I am not the only person out there with one!

    I like your advice to pay attention to the details and really dive in. Thank you for the advice! I feel as if it will help me a lot in the long run!

  254. When things start to get really good in my life (financial progress, upcoming vacation, etc), I find it hard to sleep! I go to bed at 10pm, and my eyes are still wide open at 2am. And then I wake up late the next morning, disabling me to complete all the tasks I need to do for that day. Now that’s self sabotage! But fortunately for me, I have slowly adjusted (what Marie said that it’s truly adjustable is true) by always reminding myself whenever this happens to just “focus”!

  255. Bubbly

    Hi Marie! This is the first time I am writing to you — I’ve watched you for about a year and love the abstract way in which you tackle abstract questions… after all, abstract is what life is!

    My Q: I love this segment on Self-Sabotage. You mentioned that some people pick fights. I was wondering if you could elaborate on that one point. You see, I’ve noticed that some Men who are insecure about love will pick fights to maintain their low-feeling/scared usual.

    I was recently in a 3-month relationship that went badly. He said he was blown away by me, then was afraid of these feelings, then began to fight with me, then ended things… gee, thanks a lot!

    Could you do a segment on Men who Self-Sabotage love please? (I think this would be a separate segment than Women who do the same, don’t you agree?).

    My Gratitude to you Marie for your continued amazing clips of advice and interviews. You are truly an awesome Woman!!!

    Many Blessings & Love!

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Yay for your first comment — thanks for joining the conversation here! You can absolutely submit this Q for consideration as a potential future Q&A Tuesday topic. To have it added into the mix next time we’re reviewing topics and ideas, you can submit it through the form at the link below, in the section where it says “Be On MarieTV.”

      http://www.marieforleo.com/contact/

      Thank you so much for your kind words. xoxo

  256. I always know when I’m going through an upward transition of some kind because my body reacts in some kind of unpleasant way. Now that I have learned to harness those messages, I get excited about it because it means I’m making a positive breakthrough. Being aware of what your body is telling you can help you move forward in even bigger leaps and bounds.

  257. Sarah

    This really hits home for me today; after years of personal expansion and growth, I find myself at a peak (that is really only the first plateau) in my career and personal life. I’ve had lots of experience with self-sabotage in the past, so I know what to look out for, but even so, in the last few weeks, I’ve found myself being more and more tempted to just pig out and watch Netflix instead of doing valuable work, even in the time slots usually allotted to it. Of course, Canada is getting colder and darker every day, and that certainly inspires this kind of behaviour in people, but though it’s perfectly healthy for it to warrant more tea and a slightly slower pace, it doesn’t excuse or explain why I’ve been avoiding work I know I have to do (and really truly WANT to do). I see now that I am just avoiding the discomfort of being this most recent version of myself at a full time capacity. My whole being is asking me to revert to something more mellow, known and comforting. Now that I know what’s happening I can reframe my understanding of the situation and put my Outer child in check when I feel old patterns wanting to come back to the forefront (I’m referring here to the Taming Your Outer Child model by Susan Anderson—a great book for people who have a self-sabotaging problem). Thanks Marie! 🙂 You rock!

  258. Gina

    Hi,

    I wonder if someone has the same limitation or obstacle as I have:
    I live in Eastern-Europe. I have a great business here, and a lot of opportunity to travel, but I’m terrified of flying, so I hardly ever fly. Recently my phobia is so strong, that even if I have a flight ticket for a meeting I cancel or reschedule it again and again in order not to fly. I can say that I’ve lost a lot of business opportunities so far, but my biggest problem is that I lose friends and my accountability. People don’t know why I don’t want to meet them e.g. in London. I feel strong to say, yes I’ll go, but when travel time is coming, I’m creating objections, excuses and reasons why I shouldn’t go. Next week I’ll have 4 business meetings with an a huge opportunity to expand my business oversees. These meetings have been already postponed once, so I have to go, otherwise I lose them. Now I ‘m thinking that probably I shouldn’t fly.. I talked to a psychiatrist, and she said, I have a wrong fixation in my mind about flying, and I associate it to bad things and irrealistic outcomes. The most weird thing is that if my children/husband/parents/friends fly I have no anxiety, because I am sure that nothing bad can happen to them, everything is safe and everything will be okay. Do you have any advice, tricks or healing technique to break down the fence around myself? Thanks.Georgina

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Hi Gina! Thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us. I’m so sorry to hear your fear of flying is getting in the way of expanding your business. That sounds super stressful, so we’re sending lots of love your way. Marie has a whole playlist about how to overcome fear and self-doubt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF2kQBDaZGs&list=PL10842720BBC66A6E I hope you’ll find this helpful in preparing for your upcoming flights! We’re cheering you on and wishing you much success. <3

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