Marie Forleo introduction


I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Today’s episode is a real eye-opener. Especially if you’re a parent, hope to someday be a parent or — you have parents. Honestly, I believe this show is a must watch for us all.

Because no matter what stage of life you’re at, I can’t imagine you wouldn’t want a more loving and connected relationship with your family.

After all, any iota of “success” (however you define that word) can be empty and meaningless without people you love to share it with.

If you honor the inner voice in yourself, you’ll hold it sacred in others. @DrShefali Click To Tweet

The other reason I think you’ll love this episode is the refreshing level of honesty and transparency of my guest, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of the NY Times bestseller The Conscious Parent.

She offers some delightfully contrarian ideas about parenting, and she’s completely candid about how challenging this path can be — even for her. (Which her daughter is all too quick to point out 🙂 )

Finally, this interview highlights a skill that I believe is the key to greater happiness and fulfillment for us all. The ability to tune in (and listen to) our own inner voice.

Now Dr. Shefali and I would love to hear from you. It’s a two part challenge today:

  1. What’s something that triggers you? Whether its something that sparks in relationship to your child, spouse, work or something else your life that just really seems to push your buttons.
  2. If you could step outside of that triggered reaction for a moment and observe it (as neutrally as possible), what does it call forth in you to look at, become more aware of, or perhaps to consider another perspective about?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. And do share as much detail as you can, with as much (self) compassion as you can muster.

Because tens of thousands of souls visit our site to learn, explore and get inspired. Your perspective may be exactly what someone else needs to hear to open up to a greater sense of themselves, and the world.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

If you found this episode helpful, please pass it along to your closest colleagues, clients and friends — anyone you think could use a little extra support as they work to bring their dreams to life!

Thanks so much for making this one of the most inspiring, fun and supportive places online.

With so much love and appreciation.


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  1. Oh goodnesss! I totally agree with all of these points! I’ve been doing a lot of inner child work since November. And a lot of my triggers dealing with not being seen and showing up in the world as happy as I am on the inside been a focus. Doing more videos helps me see that child in me better that’s why I am completely fascinated with seeing who I am on the outside – if this makes any sense lol.

  2. This was so refreshing to watch Marie, thank you! It’s amazing how kids can help you see your own inner landscape. I have noticed something really fascinating with my son who is now 11: whenever I am getting really angry inside, and trying really hard not to display it, he starts acting angry himself, as if he wanted to teach me it was ok to let my emotions flow 🙂 .

    • That’s so interesting! It’s funny how we as adults think we’re hiding things, including our emotions, from kids, but they’re surprisingly perceptive. They pick up on things so quickly and we can learn so much from them. 🙂

  3. THIS IS GOLD. Thank you both so much.

  4. Super helpful video! Thank you.

  5. Thank you for providing a forum for this topic and this remarkable woman. We need to discuss this very needed paradigm shift. I just love the nuggets of wisdom. 🙂

    • Lori, I love to see that you follow Marie as well. So much of what you teach your audience is in line with what Dr. Shefali spoke of. I really enjoyed this talk and I love your program as well.

  6. Wow, wow, wow…..that was a gem Marie. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. As parents and coaches, my husband and I have really strived to find our voices but also share it with our players/clients. This is really a great reminder! I love the piece about “outside markers” that drives us to that perfectionism mindset which can be a very, very heavy burden.
    So grateful!

  7. This is a wonderful interview – thank you so much. And so timely, as I bring up my 4 sons in an atmosphere that is competitive and often aggressive, I love the gentleness and mindfulness approach – I try to encourage my boys to acts of kindness, listening and recognizing pain in others rather than meanness…it’s a daily challenge…thank you so much for highlighting this wonderful work – I’m going to buy all her books today!!!

  8. Joanne

    I loved this. Thank you Dr. Shefali and Marie. I have lived in Asia for over fifteen years and have learnt so much about listening to that inner voice, yet its only just starting to whisper. After the breakdown of the relationship with my son’s father, both myself and my son were devastated. At 4 years old, he communicated his fear, anger and frustration by hitting me. It was awful and very hard to not self pity, get angry back, frustrated and feel like a failure. We got through it and I slowly became more present and non reactive. I’m so pleased to say that one and half years later I have the most amazing bond with him and when he’s having a tantrum (which is few and far between) I can usually take a breath and help him through it. My triggers are connected to control, feeling victimized and how I’d like my son to be/behave.

  9. I’m doomed! Ha. I love it. As a newly double aunt – it was confirming to hear this today. Thank you!!

  10. I try to replace the word ‘should’ with the word ‘could’. Softens it up and makes me feel less tense about how my day is playing out.

  11. PROFOUND!!! Thank you ladies for the spectacular insights into the human in all of us. My inner child has been on the outside lately and I’ve been struggling with pulling the trigger on my parents. I moved home three years ago when they were both ill and have stayed to try to “take care of them” and in the process have created a more toxic environment due to the loss of my inner self. As much as I would love to “fix” their issues, I have to take care of my own first. Heroin, right?!!! Be my own hero, not an ego driven asshole. Thank you, thank you, thank you. With humble adoration, I will choose to honor us all from a much better place today.

  12. Michelle Bains

    Marie!!! This is a path I have been working on for the past 4 years and I struggle with it everyday. Watching this video today gave me a massive feeling of relief. I have two amazing children who I am trying to raise with this inner guidance. All the information I listened to is priceless!!! Cannot wait to purchase these books. Thank you for giving us such amazing wisdom Dr. Shefali. I’ll be sending this to my husband!!! Much love to you both.

  13. Chanile Vines

    Really great interview. I don’t have kids but these gems are for everyone!

  14. I had loved watching Dr Shefali on Oprah, and it was so exciting to see her on Marie TV.

    Her message always reminds me of the “On Children” poem from The Prophet (by Khalil Gibran):

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

    • Richelle

      That is a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing!

  15. Selena

    Dr Shefali, eye-opening philosophy! I struggle with something: what do you mean by “inner voice”… I find it such an abstract concept and many people give it a different meaning. How do you define it? Thanks you, would love to hear your answer.

    • Hi Selena – from the perspective of the work I do and write about, known as Voice Dialogue, we have many inner voices. The voice of the person I am now is my ‘primary self’. That self might be a Nurturing Mother, or a Responsible Father, or a Career Woman, or an Adventurer, or a Pleaser or a Perfectionist – or, more likely, a combination of selves.

      When people refer to their ‘inner voice’ what they often are referring to is a voice/self that they have neglected over time. For example, if I have been a super-responsible mother for 10 years, then an inner voice I might hear would be that of a part of me who is opposite to the responsible mother self I have identified with for so long – such as a freedom-loving adventurer, or an irresponsible rebel, or a curious teenager, or a needy inner child.

      Most adults have lost contact with the voice of their Inner Child and so this is the voice many refer to as their ‘inner voice’. The inner Vulnerable Child carries a kind of psychological fingerprint we were born with and so it feels like it is authentically us.

      BUT, all our inner selves are valid and necessary parts of us. There is no false self or false voice. All the selves, from the Inner Child to the Pleaser to the Carer to the Pusher to the Critic to the Responsible self, are a part of our psyche.

      With Voice Dialogue you can connect with and integrate all your parts/voices, which enables you to get to the point Dr Shefali spoke of – which is a more centred place where we can really ‘see’ and connect with our children as who they are, and really see ourselves in our totality too.

      When you can unhook from your primary self, with all its rules and expectations it has picked up over time, and access your other selves, you can then relate far more consciously with your children.

      • Selena

        Astra Niedra – yours is the smartest answer anyone could have possibly given me about my “what does inner voice mean” question. I was dreading the vague “intuition” answer to be honest!! I appreciate proper psychology a LOT more. I love your research around it. Thanks ever so much for explaining things so well!!

        • Astra Niedra

          My pleasure Selena! There’s plenty more information about how conscious parenting and relationships in general work – and lots of practical tips – at my website and blog (just google my name).
          All the best, Astra

          • My pleasure Selena! There’s plenty more information about how conscious parenting and relationships in general work – and lots of practical tips – at my website and blog (just google my name).
            All the best, Astra

  16. So much beautiful wisdom presented in a soft and clear loving way. I admire people that have the ability to be simple and have such clarity. Thank you Marie for this insightful and great interview.
    I get very triggered by my boyfriend when I feel that he accuse me of not doing/being enough….thats a really hard one to just watch. I get so angry to cover the pain in my heart.
    Stepping aside and watching right now what this shows me I realise that Im not satisfied with myself…afraid of not being good enough. But my ego steps in with anger and try to tell me that I am doing…. Aha : )

    Thank you Dr Shefali for making me see this. I have so been trying to understand but havent got it the whole way but I feel the softness and the loving way you talk about this it was easier to simply see.

    I have two other things Im gonna work on ; ) My boyfriend is really a good teacher and I so want to see whats under my reactions….but boy its very hard some times.

    Wonderful work!
    With lots of gratitude to both of you

    • I wanted to say how my ego so want to convince that I am doing good….its so clear how that is just a fear. In stead now can feel my heart and the fear which feels more true to feel and I dont have to react. Amazing and joyful to get this Aha-moment!

  17. It’s refreshing to hear a parenting expert who puts the parent back in parenting! I believe parents, and especially moms, are ready to shift their thinking on parenting issues. The content in this interview resonates with the content I put up on Thank you Marie for providing the platform for this different take on parenting!

  18. When my children are seemingly ungrateful for what they have or have been given in front of them, I get on my soap box! I get mad! I call out all that they have and try to force them to see that other’s don’t have what they do! Agh!! Its NOT productive!! I need to find out where that is coming from inside of me. I just want my kids to be thankful and not keep wanting more, but I realize that is me, that is me! I want to be thankful and not keep wanting more!! Whew, this is deep, and that’s only scratching the surface, haha!

  19. Oh Marie! I am so completely in LOVE with this video. My favorite ever! I’m passionate about these principles so much so that this is what lead me to coaching and drove me to be a life coach. Dr. Shefali articulates it all so well and with so much love. I shared the heck out of this video in hopes it will inspire someone else to be a more conscious parent, partner and person. Thank you, thank you for this!!!

  20. Dawn

    Wow! Thank you Marie for this! I’m writing with tears in my eyes. The messages in the video resonated with me on so many different levels and as dramatic as it sounds, I think this morning is a defining one in my life. When you asked at the end what triggers you, my answer was: when my kids don’t listen. However, because of the video, I was able to realize that the reason this triggers me is because I’M! not listening to my own inner voice. With this realization, I started sobbing. The tears made me realize that I struck gold, so to speak, and that that is where I need to focus my efforts on my journey to grow and heal and improve. A life shifting moment for me. THANK YOU!

  21. Leah

    Thank you, thank you for your awesome-ness!! Both of you are incredibly helpful! This was beautiful:)

  22. The greatest blessing of having dear, well meaning parents telling me I would never be good enough because so and so would always be better, was that it put me onto a journey to find what I believed was my truth… i.e. that each of us are worthy and enough just as we are AND that the inner peace that comes from simply BEing rather than the endless doing as I (and so many of us) was taught, is the ultimate bliss & freedom in this life.

    I’m having a really cathartic moment here because I too believe every person is a mirror to our own selves allowing us to learn from the innate wisdom of their soul… instead of be in inherent competition with them. I’m looking forward to meeting others who also deeply resonated wtih this message!

    If we as individuals and parents took on this conscious, intuitive sense of being and parenting I believe our world – and all it’s ills including wars – would end. Yes it’s a huge claim, yet I have full conviction in this.

    I love Dr Shefali’s work and really happy to see her on here! Thank you so much Dr Shefali and Marie 🙂

  23. At first I didn’t think this video would apply to me since I am 29 and have no children, but because I love Marie’s videos I decided to watch anyway. I’m SOOOO glad I did! This video totally spoke to me and made me think about many things I had experienced in my childhood. I truly appreciate you Marie for doing this episode. It has given me much comfort in my current situation and in knowing that I have been on the right path for myself all this time regardless of the criticism I received from family members. I am truly loving my life each and every day the more I listen to myself and I will certainly save this episode for me to watch again in the future on Youtube. 🙂 Love you Marie!

  24. I’ve been mindful of raising my daughter as consciously as possible and it is an everyday practice and process. Some days are better than others. But when your child comes out with nuggets of wisdom of their own, it’s all worth it.

    The one thing triggering me the most right now are the *beep* shopkins trend. It not environmentally friendly and I *hate* that my daughter is falling into marketing tactics and mainstream trends.

    It know it just triggers memories from childhood that I had a hard time beating to my own drum, because I was so different and somehow felt bad for that. I want my daughter to be proud of who she is and to give her the confidence to be her own self.

    I read the conscious parent last year and it was wonderful to read something to validate what I was doing and reinforce other aspects.

  25. I love that she is so transparent and saying that she too needs to go back and read her own book at tmes. Finding that “inner voice” and being able to use it as a guide takes work and practice everyday. It is easy to let what we know slip away from us, the great thing is having the tools and the knowledge to “re-focus and find that authentic self. So many people aren’t even aware of their inner voice so being able to teach our children this is the greatest gift a parent can give to a child.


  26. Melissa Wittenburg

    LOVE! I have 3 kids & never imagined how they would become the greatest teachers in my life … it is a joy to watch their authentic selves unfold & is my hope that they never lose sight of their true path. The more I listen to & learn from them the more my own ego crumbles. I can’t wait to read your book, Dr. Shafali! I have so much gratitude for you both… beautiful souls & amazing work.

  27. I have always set out to teach my children. Since they are becoming adults, I adjusted to being there to be a support but still believing that I knew better due to my age and stage of connection to myself and mother nature. Now I will always start with “what do you think” and I will begin listening a lot more. Thank you for this video.

  28. Rocio

    I appreciate Dr. Shefali, her insight and her wisdom. I came to realize that the “issues” I saw in my son were “issues” that I had put their. I had projected all my fears and the pain of my past unto him. This was over a year and a half ago. I have been hard at work- healing the wounds of my past and instilling the tools necessary for my son to do the same. We are in a much, much better place now. I wrote a little about the experience on my blog, here is an excerpt…
    “As I stood there, that day, next to my ten year-old son, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My harsh reality- there it was, staring at me with a cold and bitter stare, I was the cause of the pain in his chest and only I could rid him of it. The pain of my past that I had so innocently bequeathed to him was the pain so innocently bequeathed to me by my parents and to them by theirs. I vowed, there, at that moment to stop the cycle, to do everything imaginably possible to rid my son of the horrible, sad, empty pain I had placed in his heart and to save his young sister from ever feeling it.”

  29. I’m on an art retreat at my parents house and I so intensely want them to watch this episode for the sake of my younger sister and all of us. Thank you, I hope they agree to watch!!

  30. Jennifer

    POWERFUL piece Marie and Dr. Shefali! What a way to start my day (followed by B-School office hours — woohoo!).

    My ego gets triggered when I look at my Smith College alumnae quarterly and start compare my path to those of my high-achieving classmates. Let’s just say — those ladies are out there ROCKING it!)

    For the moment that I allow that comparison to happen, I feel all the energy go into my head and I feel utterly ungrounded.

    Mine has been a messy, colorful, and awesome trek and I really wouldn’t want to trade it with one that was neat and tidy and seemingly “perfect.” As soon as I place my attention back in my heart and what really IS and FEELS right for me, I am SO pleased with my life and path to the moment I am in.

  31. As I was preparing to teach a parenting/meditation workshop tonight, this came in my inbox. I love how the universe works! And am so grateful to have learned about this incredible woman. What an inspiration. Thanks for your help in making my workshop that much more sparkly and insightful. xoxo

  32. As a mom of two girls, pre-teen and teen I listened closely to this interview.

    I’ve worked though several triggers so far – for many I believe it’s not just one trigger but the unpeeling of the onion! It’s great to see Dr Shefali getting this message out there to more people. Generationally speaking our parents just didn’t have access to this kind of thinking unless they went outside the box.

    Like Marie I’m sitting here appreciating my parents for a moment. Despite both being raised in post-war Britain, they were different thinkers. My dad read Khalil Gibran and other poets for spiritual inspiration since he had been turned off by parents who said one thing and did another in the name of Christianity. My mother and father both acted humbly when I made career choices and said that they knew I should follow my heart. Wow. I’ve been so lucky.

    With my kids I woke up to the triggers of always keeping a perfect house when the second baby came along. (They were 17 months apart – I call it the poo years!!). I realized that I could make my own choices, keep what I loved about being parented and freely discard the rest. Why should baths be in the evening? Why should we have 3 big meals per day? And why shouldn’t I buy my kids’ clothes from the local consignment store?

    My ‘default parenting’ was being an over-nurturer. I have two Highly Sensitive Children both with nut and other allergy issues so sometimes it’s hard not to! Both my mum and dad had really rough starts in life so it’s no wonder that I collected that ego need in my energy field.

    Letting it go has been a challenge..the result however two girls who know their own minds and state their views clearly. We have the best conversations! And I know better than to go near any clothes rack until they get there first. No hovering, no over-nurturing.

    Thank you Dr Shefali for sharing your spiritual wisdom with the world. I work with the spiritual practice of the Akashic Records and feel that a lot of your wisdom has basis in new thought and divine guidance also. Yay! We can do this! We can clear these old energy patterns!

    In the light

  33. Shawna Giefer

    I am so excited to see two of my favorite teachers come together here! Dr. Shefali’s work has changed my life and my parenting & I’m so excited to see her here on my favorite show. You are both such an inspiration & I so appreciate your teachings. Thank you!

  34. Lara

    Well, my tears started to fall around minute 11, when you read the letter from a young student. I have beautiful, kind, compassionate and intelligent daughter who is a junior in high school and has very little excitement about going to college. She puts high expectations on herself, and is already stressed out achieving high grades, let alone fulfilling all of the other qualifications that MUST appear on a college application. She sees it as a race she will never win, and as Dr. Shefali pointed out, there is truth in that. Of course, this is also about MY ego and desire for her to fulfill her ‘potential’ (and as I type this, I can already see how wrong this is), and the fact that I still feel angry that I did not listen to my heart while in college – I did what my parents pushed me into. I certainly owe her an apology. But I also owe her the tools to discover her inner voice, and that is what I hope to start giving her. Thank you, Marie & Dr. Shefali.

  35. I deal with a chronic illness. There are good days and bad days. So my trigger is always related to that, and how it limits the kind of mother I want to be. When my daughter wants to play with me, or go the park/museum/etc. and I can’t because I don’t feel well enough. I end up turning that frustration into anger.
    I’m still trying to find ways to let it go. She has a wonderful life, a very lucky life, and a loving mom and dad. No parent can do what a child wants to do all the time, so all this extra guilt over something I can’t control is such a waste of my energy. I feel like I need an anti-trigger phrase/mantra that I can say in those moments to remind me of what’s really going on, and that she’s going to turn out beautifully despite my health struggles.
    Thank you for this video today, I really needed it!

  36. This episode was great and a wonderful reminder that so many of us use fear based parenting where we strive to contain our children in the mold that we have created for them out of fear.

    Through my parenting website I strive to teach parents (and remind myself) to lead with love at all times, move around our parental egos and realize that our kids’ job is not to prove to society that we are good parents. Our children’s job is to develop their own inner scales where they weigh good and bad decisions and decide what has value to them as they move through life. My job as a parent is not to clear the way for my children but to walk beside them through life and be there when they fall.

    This does not mean that we do not parent our children. It means that we do so using natural consequences rather than punishment, where we value the inner voice of a child and realize that in our eagerness to be effective parents, we many times get in our own way when we should simply step aside and let the learning process take place.

  37. This is so powerful! Thank you for sharing with us on the importance “to guide my children back to their inner voice.”
    I was actually talking about this with my husband a couple of weeks ago, on how we will focus on teaching our children that they have an inner voice they can pay attention to and follow to live their live purpose. I appreciate this video.

  38. Linda Burke

    What a wonderful episode! Thank you so much for the topic/reminder that we are all practicing/learning this “happy life” thing every day! I love Dr. Shefali’s work, and it has really helped me develop a more positive relationship with both of my children. It has also helped me see the value in my current health challenges, which have taken me out of the “competitive parenting” game, leaving it up to my kids to do their best and become much more authentic (not responding to my “Mom standards”, but figuring out their own! FABULOUS!!! I have already posted this on FB twice! Great job Marie!

  39. Mojca

    What an amazing episode! Definitely a must-watch for anyone, the scope seems to me to be so beyond parenting alone.
    The nuggets of wisdom were really great, though I particularly liked the set of questions Dr. Shefali listed to ask ourselves when crumbling under the pressure of perfectionism. A really good practice (action step) to get in touch with our inner voice (inner guide) daily and shift focus from our self-perceived short-comings as defined by external markers of success towards self-love and compassion.

    Thanks Marie and Dr. Shefali for this huge nugget of wisdom! xo

  40. Loved this show!!! Love the questions to ask yourself each day. I re-listened to the episode and wrote them down. Those are such powerful questions to ask yourself each day.

  41. Shaunna

    Love, love, love. This is what it is all about. Am starting a group just for moms based on this concept. It is revolutionary and can only uplift the world. Thank you! Amazed 😉 at the perfect timing.

  42. Thank you, women! So beautifully expressed. I am starting a new program to support young people, Guardians of The Garden, and this is powerful information to share and implement!

    Much love and blessings,

  43. This was a wonderful discussion that actually speaks volumes to a growing but hugely under recognized social problem facing all of our children. Grandparent estrangement / alienation is very often a result of this practice of superimposing adult to adult relationship issues and conflicts upon innocent children. We can never sustainably break generational pattens of dysfunction, or cycles of abuse, or, truly empower our children to fully access and apply their inherent inner wisdom to improve on our family histories by cutting them off from their biological roots. Although we may be able to physically and emotionally remove a child from a grandparent, we can never remove the grandparent from the child. Rather than continuing to project onto our children our own past emotional baggage we must first recognize them as full fledged human beings and accept our responsibility to teach, encourage, support and trust them to hear, listen to and follow the wisdom of the inner voices born into them.

  44. Wow, I AM Alicia. This episode changed my life. I had all of those standards imposed on me when I was very young – you have so much potential, so much talent, and even (the worst one) that I’m above other people. Crazy. And I am naturally VERY driven and ambitious and that’s great, but it can’t define my worth. I had some awareness around releasing these but this REALLY helped me.

    Thanks Marie,

  45. This was a wonderful and incredibly positive, insightful episode! I am not yet a parent but have been thinking about how to raise my children consciously and I am so excited that there are resources out there to do it! Yes!

    One of my triggers is when someone tells me their negative judgements about me or (I perceive) treats me in away that I can feel their judgement (talks to me like I’m stupid or unaware). Like Dr. Shefali, I believe all hatred, judgements, and “misbehavior” comes from internal pain. However, I have forgotten it recently and have been focusing on feeling hurt by these remarks or behaviors.

    I usually am so dumbfounded when this happens that I don’t say anything, And then I end up beating myself up for not standing up for myself. (Ive always been slow with comebacks, which makes me feel even more weak).

    I wonder what would change if I was aware at the moment that this was their pain, and responded with compassion, not my own pain and subsequent judgement of them for saying those things. Going to keep an eye out for triggers and try this!!!! Thank you both! LOVE

  46. This is absolutely incredible. I have never really been interested in having children, but this inspires me to want kids and see how beautiful it can be bringing them into the world. I have always said, why are we raising children just so we can discipline them and control them and put them in boxes? It never made sense to me. Thank you for inspiring me to want children and to see a path for raising them that is beautiful and healthy! This is how you raise children who change the world in great ways.

  47. Kristyn

    Wow, what a beautiful and amazing interview. One of my favorites! For me, this video was all about my relationship with my husband. I didn’t realize, but the more I move forward in developing myself, the more I am afraid if he doesn’t “keep up” with where I’m at in my personal development, we will be doomed. Watching this made me realize his journey is sacred too. So excited to bring this thinking into our lives. : )

  48. KB

    I watch many of your vids Marie but I have never left a comment… I just have to say that this is my fav interview you’ve ever done – such profound wisdom and info that EVERYONE needs to hear, not just parents. I’ve shared it and saved it so I can watch it a few more times to really absorb it. Thanks for spreading this very important message that is applicable to all of us. This is the kind of message that can bring healing to the world on a very deep level.

  49. Regina

    Really enjoyed this. Lots of great info. One problem. Researchers have known for a few years now that Binge Eating Disorder is caused by leptin resistence in the brain. It isn’t a psychological problem (though left untreated it will cause psychological problems and so a psychologist can be very helpful while the sufferer is going through the treatment process). What causes leptin resistence in the brain? I’m aware of three causes; there may be more. Brain injury (rare), brain tumor (very, very rare), too much insulin (common). Simply because you have perfect blood glucose readings does not mean you are not over-producing insulin. If a person is over-producing insulin, insulin may be binding to the receptors on the brain cells that should be available to leptin. When leptin is blocked, regardless of how much you eat, the brain will demand you eat more because it can’t see its leptin and so believes you are starving even as you get fatter and fatter. How to fix this problem? Eat in a way that keeps insulin production to a minimum. Exercise helps, but food choice is key. It usually takes 6-8 weeks for the brain to see its leptin again, but for some people it happens more quickly. If you have BED and too much insulin is the cause, you’ll know the minute your brain starts to see leptin again. The obsession with food will disappear. Sorry. Probably too much information. But otherwise, I found this video really helpful. Thanks.

  50. Rafeeq Melapurath

    Thank you so much for the great video and you both were fantastic through out the program.

    Rafeeq Melapurath.

  51. Beautiful. Love it! Thank you xoxo <3

  52. Ooh, this was such an insightful and deep conversation, thank you so much for sharing. I feel like this should be required watching for anyone who wants to be a happier person, whether they have kids or not!

  53. Brenda Nickel, is currently serving as the Director of the Riley County Health Department in “The Little Apple”, Manhattan, KS. Brenda brings compassion, caring, and the standard of excellence to any of her roles over the years…as a school nurse in Emporia and then serving all school nurses and families in her role at the Kansas Department of Health and Human Services. Governor Kathleen Sebilius, at the time, put Brenda into service to solve the issues of why Kansas was ranked 49 out of 50 states in access to quality early childhood learning. Both Kathleen and Brenda are the change we want to see in the world!

    Rev Larry Fry, has served “The Little Apple” community for years and always promotes and serves along side to help deal with any social justice issue. He embodies “love your neighbor as yourself” and the Wesleyan philosophy of “Do all the good you can, whenever you can, to whomever you can, where ever you can. and…the whole world is our Parish.”

    Even when I feel under appreciated and misunderstood, I have been supported by the work of all those people and they have been “wind beneath my wings” …even though it is technically the flow of air over the wings that causes lift for successful flight 😉

  54. Maya-Lin

    A trigger: when someone is projecting their insecurities onto me, trying to ‘fix’ my emotional response, or asking me (conciously or unonciously) to ‘fix’ theirs.

    Calling forth: Compassion! I’ve been through a lot, I struggle with a lot. My mechanisms that I’ve discovered for coping have allowed me to feel peace with my responses, ‘mistakes’, actions, low moods-whatever. It’s a constant practice of reminding myield to bring my attention back to me, to fill my own needs, to create my own peace. This isn’t always easy! And sometimes I feel resentment or frustration when I don’t feel that same awareness from those closest to me. I say to myself “look how much I am committed to looking at myself, why won’t you do the same”. It’s bullshit. It’s a way of putting myself on a pedastool. Compassion is such a beautiful thing. Being able to love and embrace those I love exactly where they are while remaining authentic with myself is a beautiful thing. I think the trigger is asking me to open up my heart, to listen, and to ubderstand rather than be self-righteous.

  55. Can I just point out: the girl who’s written that question… I found so much insight(!) just in the way she described her situation.

    I could definitely relate to that. There is a reason why I have so many unfinished diaries/planners, where I would just want to start fresh, so I’d get a new one each time.

    Thank you, Marie and Dr. Shefali, this was a joy to watch. I had watery eyes just from the feeling of being touched on a deeper level.


  56. Michelle

    @DrShefali via @MarieForleo I love what you said and have been implementing it with my boys. My question is – you say to stay out of the kids way so they can do what they want but what if all they want to do is sit and watch videos on ifunny or watch unlimited series on Netflix? I know my 16 year old son had more difficulties in grades 7-9 than he would ever tell me but its changed him from a social kid with good grades to a not social kid with very mediocre grades. How do you just sit and watch a kid that is too scared to do anything?

  57. Shannon

    I appreciate so much the subject of not following the herd and listening to your inner voice. So I very much like your quote, “If you honor the inner voice in yourself, you’ll hold it sacred in others.” Straying from the herd is not by any means the easiest route to take especially for a child where it can impact peer relationships which are so limited anyway by age at that point. My trigger is seeing the hurt my daughter feels sometimes by adhering to her strong moral compass and to her individuality. I am so very proud of her for realizing the long term gain in staying true to herself and to her beliefs.

  58. Beautiful…Beautiful….Pure wisdom!

  59. Jennifer

    Dear Marie and Dr. Shefali, this was such a helpful, inspiring and informative video, on how conscious parenting begins within us. Even though I have not birthed any live children yet, I have been, for the past several years engaged in some deep inner work through some deep losses of those “markers” or identity that Dr. Shefali spoke of. Having been trained from childhood to be so externally oriented, it has been a new thing to check within and remain grounded in the face of disapproval or disappointing others when I am engaged in fulfilling my own heart’s desire (hard for me to do). I have gone through a career change from public health to yoga teaching, and my practice is in its nascent phases, and not much validation on the outside that this is the right path. But internally, I am growing so much, and the message is to keep going, to not give up, and remain centered and grounded and encouraged from the inside.
    What triggers me is when I feel that other people aren’t accepting me, and when I don’t receive approval or appreciation–I get into feeling that there must be something wrong with me. Coming back inside, I can see these are earlier issues that need my own care, approval, acceptance and love. Thank you so much for this wonderful video. Both of you are so inspiring, and your light shone so brightly!! much love and appreciation for the work you do in the world, Jennifer

  60. My daughter used to get bad grades all throughout high school and for the first part of high school I was so stressed out. I finally let go and decided that my worth as a mother had nothing to do with how well my daughter did in school. The one thing I learned from my daughter is that she is not afraid to fail. While she was not moved by my disappointment she would almost always improve her grades before the final grades. How she could fail classes for 15 weeks and in 5 weeks she would turn her grades around. I came to learn she would not disappoint herself!

  61. Mirley

    Hi Marie!

    This episode was awesome! I’m actually due any time now with my first baby. My husband and I are truly excited and have talked about how are we going to be as parents. I completely understand how one can manifest his or her own desires on to their child.

    Something that triggers me is when I’m ignored. I understand that people can make their own decisions but I want that communicated to me with details..

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this video. In totally going to share it with my peers.



  62. In answer to your question, what is the trigger and what is it calling forth?

    For me, when my children really upset me with “bad behavior” the trigger is this: I feel I have sacrificed and that I should be REWARDED for my sacrifice, but no one can reward me for my sacrifice (if it even IS that) but me and no one can choose to sacrifice but me and probably, least of all, are my children even aware of what a sacrifice is. When I look at it deeply though THIS is the unconscious idea that brings out anger in me. Anger that I’m sure is quite confusing to little people.

    Thanks for the food for thought!

    • Yes and the second part, what is it calling forth? I believe it is calling forth an examination of what is the purpose of sacrifice and what is the reason to “be a good girl” or “be a good mom” as that idea is traditionally held- What does it even mean? If I give myself what I need and am nourishing to myself, this will be a huge gift to my daughters, ages 2 and 4.

  63. This exactly what I want to help women with…I want to empower women to be true to themselves, find who they are even if it’s been lost for a while, encourage them to be unbelievably happy that even the most stressful moments can encourage them to fight through. I’ve been through a lot and I’ve remained positive and strong through it all. I want to help women learn to be positive, strong, happy, confirdent, CONSCIOUS!! Our children are our future and they deserve so much love and support, but we first need to love and support ourselves. Thank you for having her on today…I’m so excited about my own business in this same area and spreading the love to more women!!! xoxo

  64. Tui Hawke

    So many nuggets of wisdom. I’m feeling enriched even more after today’s brilliant video. The perfectionist in me is embracing perceived “mistakes” on a daily basis, my fav saying atm is “it is what it is and nothing more”. I look forward to an even closer bond with my young adult children. Thanks a million.

  65. Such an insightful conversation. Thank you to you both!

  66. Grace

    HI Marie,
    I started watching your videos since february from this year and since then your have been everywhere I go. Someone else recommends me to watch you or laura Franklin and Gabby Bernstein talk about you. Your videos have helped me and inspired me deeply, but this one was just mind blowing.
    Today I was listening some voice notes my best friend sent me ( she lives in austria and I live in Guatemala) and we pointed out on how we sometimes are extremly happy and then suddenly” puuuum “, extremly sad, neutral or just off. I think I´ve been searching for happiness on my outter achievemnts and it has been really hard to listen to my inner voice. My passion is dance, but I constantly doubt myself because I think I am too old, fat, or should live in another country where I can take dance more seriously. But then again I know that it is something my parents don´t want. They don´t want me to dance or live in another country. So it is really hard for me to follow my inner guide.
    It is easily said and I know that I “just have to follow my heart”, but actually putting it into action is being truly difficult.

    Thanks alot for sharing such precious insights.

    • Francine


      You are so brave to post here. <3 I wanted to point you (and anyone else) in the direction of some ideas that may help you in regards to your sharing that you feel conflicted that what you want out of your life is not what your parents want. There is a neuropsychologist named Dr. Mario Martinez who has done work on how our culture (our society, our families, our "tribes") can influence our actions and even our health. He's written a book about his work called "The Mind-Body Code."

      Feeling conflicted between our own desires and our family's, friends', or society's "plans" for us can be so difficult but it is such a common experience. That said, there are ways that Dr. Martinez has found that can specifically help us resolve this inner conflict and live our lives in ways that feel truest to us.

      For a more brief summary of these ideas, Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a brilliant Facebook post a few weeks ago. I won't post a link here to trigger any possible spam filters, but if you go to Elizabeth's Facebook page and scroll down to April 10, you will see this post. It has a huge picture of the word "shame" with a red circle and a line drawn through it. 😉 Hope that helps!

  67. Francine

    Oh, Marie and Dr. Shefali,

    You’ve touched on one of my deepest passions and what I feel is my personal calling in this world. I can’t thank you enough for teaming up to present this episode. I became so passionate about these topics and so changed by my own process of inner work that I actually wrote a book with a process for others to partake in and do their own inner work, particularly relating to their parents, how their upbringing may have and still be influencing them, and how they can take a fresh look at their lives now, heal, and continuously transform . My book will be coming out sometime later this year, and thanks to B-school and continued inner work, I couldn’t be more humbled and honored to share it with the world.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this life-changing work. I so believe that one by one, we can each give ourselves permission to own the courage we have deep inside to do this kind of work and to continue to change the world, simply because of how we can relate to ourselves and others around us. I send you both deep, deep gratitude. <3

    • Francine

      I wanted to add that this kind of inner work is something that I personally see as a continuous process, and because of that, I try to stay in a consistent state of remaining open to my own growth. I also wanted to give a recent example of one of my own personal triggers.

      It seems that in my life, I am so frequently called to play the role of “teacher,” sometimes even in areas where I feel unqualified! I realized just yesterday that maybe the reason I get frustrated about this at times is because there is still a part of me that fears that claiming the teacher role fully will ask me to claim a part of my greatness that I don’t always feel ready to claim, and in turn, continue to relate more to other teachers who, due to silly human status qualifications of “greatness”, I don’t always feel I “should” be able to relate to. 😉

      I used to only want to be a student and wasn’t ready to claim my teacher role yet. Now that I’m claiming it more , I find it both harder and easier to be a student in a traditional sense. I see everyone and everything as an opportunity to be my teacher, and simultaneously, some of those who I am drawn to relating and resonating more deeply with are actually who I consider to be some of the world’s greatest teachers. I’m growing in a continued allowance of letting any intimidation factor about that go. I’m choosing to claim my own power, my own right to feel that I really do and can deeply relate to these “great” people, who truly are great, but who I don’t have to just put on a pedestal above myself and think that I am “less than” them on a human level. Instead, I can choose to claim my own greatness and power and to see us equally great at the deepest human level. So that was my trigger and my lesson from yesterday.

  68. Hi Marie!
    Thank you for saving my children from me! I loved this segment…I have 3 boys ages 20, 18, and 8. My self esteem is very wrapped up in them and what they do. I am a full-time artist/mom and I consider their success my success. I think my path to this place is completely understandable since I am the main force in their lives. However, I am glad to see there is another way. Perhaps I can unwrap my self from their selves …. I am lucky they are great kids and do wonderful things….but I totally see my ego in their development. As my middle son enters college, I struggle not to tell him what to do, just gently help him to make decisions based on what I know of his personality. I struggle to remain confident that their decisions are their own.

    Although I am 50 years old, I try to refine my life almost daily – striving to take the actions that will lead to long-term happiness and serenity for my family. Next year I plan on starting a new adventure for myself in pursuing additional education in my field. That should leave me with little or no time to harass my adult children and hopefully set a great example for my young son.

    Thank you for this!

    Catherine in California

  69. It’s all about projection in relation …so true
    Things that always make me crazy is when my entourage don’t open to me -sometimes I feel like my clients are more open than some friends of mine about their intimacy- or are too slow to make change.
    If I look from a neutral place, that the same for me, and by time as get more open and more in my own rhythm ( not rush, not lazy, just my one rhythm) It disturb me less, and I’m more respectful of everyone timing to open or make change, or not.

    And cherry on cake, I have so much energy for myself and what need to be live here and now, and not in the perfect life of IF

  70. Tara Kriedeman

    Loved this ! I so needed this! My son is being sent to a reform school and so I am doing every parenting class out there. Thank you so much! For the links and the books to use. I will look inward.

  71. This couldn’t be better timing. I am a Bschooler working on a video summit Conscious Conception: Bridging Science, Spirit, and the Art of a Fertile Life to Birth Your Divine Human Potential. THIS IS EXACTLY THE CONVERSATION I want to have *before* parents become parents- to create a fertile environment inside and out to become the best version of yourself (and to become worthy of our children – which no surprise has been known to heal unexplained infertility in the process). I tried to contact you to speak about your conscious choice not to birth a child but a business instead, and the inner spiritual principles that are inter connected with birthing and mastering your true purpose. Perhaps you might consider joining Dr. Bruce Lipton, Bernie Siegel and Sonia Choquette on this summit? And to hear Dr. Shefali – I am so grateful to be introduced to her amazing wisdom. I love this- it feels like we are finally starting to get to the good stuff. Thank you so much.

  72. This was a great topic to cover! My trigger i.e. Shark Music is when my daughter cries. It drives me over the edge. It is usually over something that she has to do like homework but does not want to do. I have looked inside and discovered that I was not allowed to show that much emotion. My mother did not want to hear it, ” suck it up and get over it!” is what the message was. So I cried in my room, in my walk-in closet. That way no one heard me and I did not get in trouble for crying. So, now I show my daughter empathy, ” I know your homework is hard, I know… I know, ” Until she finally settles in the does it. If she is raging, I will gentle guide her to her room and let her know when she is ready she can come out. She needs to get it all out, yell as loud as she can and then calm herself. If I can I will walk away and leave her in her rage but most of the time I am in the kitchen cooking so she has to be removed when I cannot remove myself. I have found the calmer I am, the more she rages, which is fine. She is adopted, we have had her since 7/2013 so we have lots of work to still do and I will continue to inspect my inner self in order to grow and allow her to be who she needs to be. Thank you for this talk today! Sherie Kathleen Smith

  73. What an amazing episode. I almost passed this one up today, as I’m not a parent, but so glad I watched. You don’t have to be a parent in order to connect to this episode. So refreshing, and completely relatable. I’ll be sharing this with a few parents and non-parents I know that would love this! Thank you both!! I’ll be looking into some of Dr. Shefali’s books.

  74. Thank you Marie, this is one of the best episodes (and believe me I have watched ALL). I wanted to see it at my lunch break but took a sneak-peek and watched the whole thing! And I am not a parent, this is so much more about the spirituality, inner wisdom and relationship to ourselves. Important for everyone.

    So my triggers are my expectations. I should be doing this, that or the other, this is how it is supposed to be and so on. I project these on other people too. I think that it is actually inner call for gratitude and appreciation that I can only give to myself. My husband has taught me great lessons on that. He is super-calm, happy and non-ambitious. i am grateful for him because he shows me that there is another way of being……..

    Thank you!

  75. Of course, this episode comes to the most appropriate time.

    In my business, I just realized how I got carried away by what everybody is doing out there, where I ‘should’ be, and where I should go, and forgot that I had found a way to express myself through this business, I am staying on top of my French in an anglophone country just by teaching it to my students, I had found a place of financial comfort, and I pushed all this away by forcing a foreign approach to what had come from my own inspiration. So I’m going back to the drawing board, cutting the emails and fb groups and only listening to the people who need me and going by my gut (of course, with all the business books around me).

    What I generally find that pushes my buttons.. not so much lately, but I do have the tendency of a chameleon, becoming my own environment, and I can’t choose my environment if I want to be a social human being 🙂

    What I do about it is… funny Dr. Shefali had mentioned to listen to children’s wisdom… I learn from the children, little children, from their approach, their buddha – and I discovered, working with children, that around the age of 4 we all are wiser than the 80 year old (not sure if there is a book out there about this, but I’d love to hear some authorized opinion on this). Every time I do this I rediscover, I guess, my own wisdom from when I was 4. Not sure what happens, but there is something there, and I think that we all should lean more from the children. They see better, clearer and are very honest.

  76. Barbara Coe

    Marie, I almost didn’t watch this because my kid is now 58 years old. But I learned so much! Although I’ve engaged in spiritual practices and meditated for years, this gave me a big jolt, probably because it relates to my daughter, who means so much to me, and showed me how I need to be even more in touch with my inner voice and to forgo perfectionism.

    Thanks so much for this.

  77. Thank you so much…I can’t believe how much this connected to what I needed to hear today…..I left a lucrative executive position 2 years ago to start my own business.

    I was just sharing with my mom yesterday that I am troubled to learn I have “bought-in” to the belief (A trigger of sorts) that my value is tied to how much I earn. I was in shock even as I heard myself say it….she asked me if in those two years I have been learning and growing? (Good Job Mom…I just called to thank her again for that.) I had to admit I am having more fun than I have for years and I am learning and growing exponentially. With her help I was reminded of the importance of embracing all life has to offer….money and ‘success’ can be empty when the inner life is not being fed and nurtured.

    I commit to getting out of my own way…and detaching from the external expectations. I commit to embracing the journey and learning…wherever it takes me! xoxo

  78. vaastu

    Sounds like very good advice. But what should we do as parents when our teenager spends way more time playing video games than studying?
    Numerous soulful discussions and heated arguments have not brought much change so far. Are we wrong in asking them to prioritize their time well?
    We will really appreciate some concrete, practical advice.

  79. This was what I needed to hear (I feel like I say this whenever I watch an episode or watch a video from B-School but it’s true). It is hard to tune out the outer and focus on the inner, not only for myself, my business, but my child. Because of my need for perfection, whenever I mess up or things are not quite like I want it to be, it haunts me.

    My trigger is criticism. As soon as I receive any kind of criticism, I fall apart and I think “of course they’re right.” It is something I’ve recognized in myself for a long time and one I have been working on. I have been trying to tell myself that, “Hey, this is great that someone cares enough to give feedback. Now, what do you think, Laureen?”

    It still takes me a bit of time to separate what they think from what I think and to appreciate what the other says/thinks without letting it be the dominating voice of what I hear. Because I know myself to be that way, I have done a lot of research (and applying what I learn to my inner voice) to see the best ways to give my child his own voice. I think it’s one of the best gifts I could give my children.

  80. Dee Catharine

    My daughter allowed me to be in her first child’s life til he was 18 months old and she said I was great with him and then she and I had a disagreement and she said I could not see him then. Now she had a daughter and I am not allowed to see her. This is because my daughter never healed from my divorce from her dad. Her dad was abusive to me and our son(her brother) and she knows this but she tells me I could have tried harder to stay with him and she has been angry at me since she was 8; she is now 31. She has found every way she could to hurt me throughout her growing up years. I realize she never healed and is stalled emotionally at the time of the divorce but I tried to take her to counseling and she wouldn’t talk at all. I feel that she needs help and that it is unfair of her to push her issues; our issues onto this new generation of children and I feel that it has nothing to do with how I am with my grandchildren. I feel I still deserve to see them because I am good with them. She even said so herself. I know she is in pain but she refuses to talk; she refuses to get help. My family is upset with her for this as well and she has alienated us all. But I feel she learned this from her father’s behaviors because when my son was around him he abused him and so my son chose to live with me at age 12 and then his dad (my ex) would have nothing to do with him and alienated him. My ex also tried to get custody of just our daughter but the psychologist said that there was no reason she could not be with me. So she grew up around his constant efforts to alienate all of us as a family..her from her brother…her from me.. my son from his father; now it is continuing into her children’s childhood also. I do not feel children can understand these adult issues and it has nothing to do with them. I do not know how to get her to see this. She refuses to budge on it. My parents are so hurt by it too since it is messing up our family unit. It has broken my heart. I am trying to see that she is damaged and hurt but I don’t think this is right at all. I cannot get her to see that her brother and I did not deserve what we got from her dad but she doesn’t ever want her children to know that their pop pop did these things to his wife (me) or our son. She knows it is all factual but she said I might tell. I wouldn’t! I know that children should have the right to decide about people on their own. That they can have a relationship with their pop pop that is different than he had with me and his son. But she will not stop this alienation. I have tried ignoring her for a year.. I have tried writing to her. I have continued to send my grandson gifts and cards and let him know I love him. I have lost two years of his life. This is just so wrong. my parents are in their 70s and won’t be here forever. I am sorry she is hurting and is so angry but I cannot change the past. I need her to meet me halfway. To try and understand how hurt I was…how hurt my son was. And how this affected us all. She refuses to acknowledge it.

    • It is very, very difficult and painful to stand back and watch our adult children pass their, or our, unresolved emotional baggage onto our grandchildren but ultimately there is nothing we can do but hope they somehow find their way to some conscious and positive parenting resources. This video interview may contain some bits of wisdom that will resonate with her easier than your voice. If there is any way for you to share it with her for your grandson’s benefit without offending her it might be worth the effort.

  81. Susan

    This is the first time I hear from Doctor Shafali and I am deeply grateful for the gems she gave away. I have to purchase her book. Thank you so much Marie for bringing her to your wonderful show. I watch your show almost every week. It keeps me happy.

    Thank you for being a blessing to my life. 🙂

  82. Donald G. Theiss

    This was such a great conversation exposing the real issue of deep connection with self as the only answer to our inner and outer conflicts. I just finished a book called Being Human in a World of Illusion that deals with this same issue of disconnection from self and the conflict it creates so thank you again Marie and Dr. Shefali Tsabary for this very insightful conversation. I will send it to all of my friends.

    Donald Theiss

  83. Ana

    Marie, I’ve been following you for a while, but it’s only recently that I’m understanding the massiveness of what you do. One can only help coming from the inner voice, as you do. And you also do it in a fun way!! haha. This is definitely (for me) one of the best websites around.

    A big thank you!!

  84. kristine

    I found this episode to be so validating. My parents were very controlling and my inner voice was silenced until recently. When I became a parent, I took the opposite approach. Which may have been a tad too much freedom for them, but I just could not impose myself on them. I am triggered now by any form of authority. I have learned that my actions must be a result of my values or I will become very unhappy. And that it is okay if I don’t have the same values as others do.

  85. Hi Marie! I’m so grateful that you took the time to answer my question in this video, you have no idea how much of an impact you made on me today. I will watch this video over and over (even more than I already have) every time I have that feeling of wanting to start over. It was so amazing what insight you gave me, you made my day! I can’t stop smiling, you’re such an inspiration to me and so many others and I’m not sure where I’d be without you. I just wanted to express my gratitude to you and Dr. Tsabary for giving your precious time to answer my question, and I know it helped others as well as myself. Further, I want to become a clinical psychologist like Dr. Tsabary, so she inspired me so much as well! Please have as wonderful of a day as your video has made mine. 🙂

  86. Carolina

    Best episode of Marie TV! Thank you so much for this – so much wisdom in 30 minutes ‘ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

  87. Lupen

    This was amazing! I’ve been deep in family stuff and inner child work having just found out last year that I was not raised by any biological family. I had the issue growing up where I was taught to be small, to not shine and definitely not to listen to my inner knowing. So this was a big aha! moment realizing I don’t have to keep that agreement or projection from them. Not sure why it all just clicked but I’m grateful! Thank you Marie and Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

  88. Great conversation in deed.
    It’s very important to protect our own ‘private property’ and to be aware of its preciousness.
    Marie, thank you for Shefali on Marie TV, the place to be 🙂

    Have a happy day 🙂

  89. LJ

    I do not have biological children, but I am in a long-term relationship with a man who has children, so I see myself in a role of step-parent. I find that my triggers, maybe or maybe not necessarily associated with parenting, are about my own insecurity– Insecurity about what my role is in the household and sometimes feeling left out of the loop. The household itself feels like such a machine with so many people and assistants and schedules, and I often feel like I am on the outside looking into this machine that is just going, and I want to be more a part of it rather than just getting out of its way. Not really sure how to reconcile this, but I do think that this is rooted in my own feelings of self-worth and not thinking that I have anything to contribute. Although of course I know I do! I think it just feels difficult because I am not actually the “Mom” and am afraid to overstep boundaries. The part of this talk that resonates with me so much is the idea of finding my authentic voice again, as I feel I have lost it, and this translates into my job (which at this stage is just a job and not a passion). So much of my ideal of my own self worth is that I should have a job that I am passionate about, and this loss of my self has affected my outlook on everything. Thank you for this talk… it has really made me take a step back to breathe.

  90. Lenora

    I had an absent father who refuses to take responsibility for his actions. I got over that. But I have still lived a life without men being an important part. I had a son in 2001 and I met my soon to be husband in 2001…and we have two boys as well…so that is 3 boys and a man.
    Because I come form a hen house…where most women I knew were without a suitable partner and friends without fathers, its hard for me to not default to ego when my son or my boyfriend is not taking personal responsibility. I find that my response is to just not care as much as I do when my daughter doesn’t. When my daughter shows signs of being weak, I almost want to shake her…but with my boys and my partner, I just don’t know what to feel or say…i feel like my attitude is like, “Be a man!!!” Also, I coddle my boys more (almost not expecting much from them) than my girl because I felt like I was weak and depended on other people to scrape me off the ground…and I just don’t want her to be that way because it was so painful for me to get back to ME after unconsciously leaning on a hope that my father would “fix” himself. I don’t know but my relationship with men is really of low expectation…and with women, I almost can’t take being around women who don’t seem to think for themselves. My ego.

  91. Ann

    Thanks Marie and Dr. Shefali for this insightful show! I love how you emphasized that people need to find the definition of success and happiness within themselves.

  92. Joanne

    This is uncanny, Marie with each episode, you are helping me to achieve more of my inner wisdom, as Dr. Shefali mentioned. What triggers me, lately, oh like forever, is the inequality for women, in the home, in the workplace, and in many relationships. Raised with three brothers, although, I was expected to act like them, do as much work, raking leaves, shoveling snow, excel at sports, I was also trained, out of my feminine voice, not pout, not show emotions, heck, I was taught not even to scream (that one, I finally learned, as at the yet, tender age of 61- my husband encouraged me, to be strapped into a stationary bungey jumping experience, where lo and behold, I SCREAMED, and it FELT soooo good, so good, and of course the experience of bungey jumping will always stay with me.) What I admire in a man is their confidence, their steadfast ways to achieve their pleasures, and of course their power. Confidence, according to my high school peers I managed, not belonging to clicks, not showing fear, which was in part a facade, a fake, because there was no real power from it, no actual pleasure. So, as I raised my children, playing with them, on the floor, inventing games with them, helping them to find their own muchness, through a field of study that they loved, to find a sport, which would keep their bodies shaped, and to find an art to feed their souls. This allowing children to find their voices was part of the homeschooling movement, John Holt and his books, cracked, in this case, for encouraging children to follow their own desires, interests and ultimately to their finding and nurturing their inner voices. As in so many cases, including my own, the very idea of homeschooling was thrown out with the babies, into the stark sterile nakedness of traditional schooling. I lost my voice, I lost everything, it felt like, but ever so slowly, I am reclaiming my muchness, even if it required two spells with breast and bone cancer to achieve the spark, to my inner voice, to reclaim, who I am. I am relieved, that there are still youngsters, like you both, who continue to hold the torch, for us women. So, I say, bravo to each of you. You may not hear from me again, but then again, this could be the start of something, bigger than, I have yet to imagine. Keep up the excellent work, each of you are doing, what joy it was to listen to this video. Thank you. : )

  93. Elena

    *Conscious Parenting* will change the world. Understanding the mirroring aspect that’s happening from conception to age two, will move parents and parents yet to be–to see that their actions and reactions and interactions ALL MATTER. In fact, the God in All Life Matters. When that life spark is held as precious, you will honor it. Great discussion. Thanks!

    • Gabi

      yes yes yes! you said it sister!

  94. Sofia Eastmond

    Thank you for sharing this, Christine! So inspiring.

  95. I am so triggered when my four year old asks me the same question over and over even though I have given him a clear answer (usually no, or later). It’s as if he is hoping to change my answer. I feel so irritable when this happpens and sometimes lose it – why won’t he listen?

    I wonder if I am not being present in my answer, looking him in the eye on his level, and understanding his need while still drawing a boundary cause him to doubt what I say (no you can’t eat a lollipop at 7am before breakfast).

    I am definitely going to check out this book. Thanks for being willing to bring in experts from such a wide range of areas and make them relevant to everyone, Marie!

  96. Wow Marie, this video rang so true. It actually brought tears to my eyes. How liberating it is that we can really change the dynamic in which kids are brought up where they can really learn to be themselves early on. xo

  97. Erin

    This was outstanding! Thank you so much for this gem. Such timely advice!

  98. Oh, I just love this! I buy her book for every new Mommy. I raised my children this way. It was exhausting sometimes battling the masses. I just knew intuitively that what I was doing was right. I let them choose the sports they wanted to play, the schools they wanted to go to, the subjects they wanted to major and or excell in. I simply had deep, soul filled conversations with my children about everything. Never with an “I told you so, or you better not attitude.” I am truly grateful and completely amazed on a daily basis at the family that I created. And now this book is out in the world and I pray parents take the guidance and wisdom that Dr. Shefali is offering! Raising your children without expectations is the ultimate freedom. Thank you Marie for doing this interview.
    Gently down the stream, Laurie

  99. Great Interview/Conversation ~ THANK YOU !

  100. Tanisha

    I have to say this video resinates with me a million times over, probably my favorite interview ever! I can relate to Alicia, as the daughter of a traditional Indian family the top down parenting method IS the method of parenting in my culture. Identity crisis’ run deep for the children in my generation and it is a HUGE problem that has been overlooked for too long and the disadvantages of not finding your inner voice and realizing your true passions are immense. As a young college novice, I was pre-med and I participated in summer internships at Harvard University and would always tell my mom, who is always my biggest supporter, that I didn’t feel accomplished or that it was a big deal because it DIDN’T FEEL LIKE A BIG DEAL. Now, I didn’t get into any graduate programs so that really forced me to take a step back and think about what I really want. I’ve realized from B-School and other coaching materials that I was highly influenced by this top down parenting method and projection and I was F*****ING miserable to put it simply. It’s funny because although I took a step back from all the internships and various academic roles, I feel so much more accomplished for finding my inner voice and understanding what I really want to do than I ever have with any extracurricular activity or award.

  101. Wow! This was refreshing to watch. I am actually feeling really good about myself and the community that I surround myself with because, for the most part, I follow the same principles that Dr. Shefali is talking about. I have been ‘all about’ my inner voice for as long as I can remember and I teach my daughter to listen to her’s and to know that it is a safe, honest voice and that even has it’s own name…Authenticity. 🙂

    Now, by no means does my accordance to Dr. Shefali’s creed mean that I am perfect and free of ego. Of course I have triggers. We all do. I just do my best to notice them and make conscious choices to either embrace these triggers or repel them. The more I practice this the better I get at it and I imagine that it won’t be long before I ‘unconsciously’ choose not to allow the triggers to come into the fruition of ego.

    I want to honor your request of answering the two well written questions you have asked so, here it goes:

    What’s something that triggers you?
    Well, I would have to say what triggers me the most is when I sense someone is not being authentic. This brings up a force to be reckoned with for me. I suddenly become very driven to correct the unauthentic behavoir. Usually it comes in a nicely wrapped package of “Let me explain what is happening with you right now….I want you to see that you are choosing to break the mirror in front of you as opposed to looking into it and seeing what’s really there….etc…” Well, as I am sure that you both know…people do NOT want to be called out on being unauthentic!! Nor do they want to be called pretentious or two faced or any of the many names that encompass unauthentic behaviors. I think that it mostly comes out of it’s shell (ego) at work and with my family members. The two places that I am constantly encountering. Sometimes it makes me want to scream and I don’t want to lower my eyes and walk away …but if I don’t I am criticized for being “too intense” or “too spiritual” or “too confrontational” or…well, the list goes on. I just stay in my truth and stay with my breath and do my very best to lead by example…and to those that will hear me out, I think that even if a shift doesn’t happen right away, eventually it occurs. I guess I like to consider myself a planter of seeds where this trigger is concerned. 🙂

    2nd Question:
    What does this trigger call forth in you?

    Well…it calls forth the need to be even more authentic! It also calls forth some rather bossy tactics I think…because I have been referred to as bossy by my daughter and some of my peers at work. I think it brings forth some overbearing energy as well. I feel so compelled to express what is happening…and sometimes that takes away from the actual matter at hand.

    There are more triggers for me too…but I don’t want to take up more of your time.

    Thank you so much for your amazing inspiration!
    So much love and appreciation to you Marie!

    Yemaya Camille

  102. Wow! This was refreshing to watch. I am actually feeling really good about myself and the community that I surround myself with because, for the most part, I follow the same principles that Dr. Shefali is talking about. I have been ‘all about’ my inner voice for as long as I can remember and I teach my daughter to listen to her’s and to know that it is a safe, honest voice and that even has it’s own name…Authenticity. 🙂
    Now, by no means does my accordance to Dr. Shefali’s creed mean that I am perfect and free of ego. Of course I have triggers. We all do. I just do my best to notice them and make conscious choices to either embrace these triggers or repel them. The more I practice this the better I get at it and I imagine that it won’t be long before I ‘unconsciously’ choose not to allow the triggers to come into the fruition of ego.
    I want to honor your request of answering the two well written questions you have asked so, here it goes:
    What’s something that triggers you?
    Well, I would have to say what triggers me the most is when I sense someone is not being authentic. This brings up a force to be reckoned with for me. I suddenly become very driven to correct the unauthentic behavoir. Usually it comes in a nicely wrapped package of “Let me explain what is happening with you right now….I want you to see that you are choosing to break the mirror in front of you as opposed to looking into it and seeing what’s really there….etc…” Well, as I am sure that you both know…people do NOT want to be called out on being unauthentic!! Nor do they want to be called pretentious or two faced or any of the many names that encompass unauthentic behaviors. I think that it mostly comes out of it’s shell (ego) at work and with my family members. The two places that I am constantly encountering. Sometimes it makes me want to scream and I don’t want to lower my eyes and walk away …but if I don’t I am criticized for being “too intense” or “too spiritual” or “too confrontational” or…well, the list goes on. I just stay in my truth and stay with my breath and do my very best to lead by example…and to those that will hear me out, I think that even if a shift doesn’t happen right away, eventually it occurs. I guess I like to consider myself a planter of seeds where this trigger is concerned. 🙂
    2nd Question:
    What does this trigger call forth in you?
    Well…it calls forth the need to be even more authentic! It also calls forth some rather bossy tactics I think…because I have been referred to as bossy by my daughter and some of my peers at work. I think it brings forth some overbearing energy as well. I feel so compelled to express what is happening…and sometimes that takes away from the actual matter at hand.
    There are more triggers for me too…but I don’t want to take up more of your time.
    Thank you so much for your amazing inspiration!
    So much love and appreciation to you Marie!
    Yemaya Camille

  103. Hello Marie Doctor Shefali

    I love your parenting gently philosophy! And learning from our children.

    One of my fears is in relations to my daughters safety and relationship with boys. I hope that because of my own abuse from boys and men and my desire to protect my daughters I am not taking their joy and love. And I really worry about how much porn young men are watching and the effect this may have on their relationship with young woman. I don’t know if I am having trouble juggling protection vs joy for my teenage daughter and her slightly younger sister.

    I try and recognise their skills and their likes. I have a Maths whiz and she wants to be a singer. I was guided into my career by my parents and I didn’t choose what I wanted. And I have some resentment for not following my dreams earlier on. I want to make sure my daughters follow their dream, but do not “drift” or fall into lazy nothingness…

    Do you have a reply to guide me on this juggling act?



  104. Oh wow, there were so many insights in this show, I feel the need to watch it over and over and over again. We have a blended family and always juggling not just our own parenting styles, but those of other parents and trying our best not to confuse our kids!!! Oh to be in their shoes for a week or two – I can’t tell you how evolved they are with their amazing resilience.

    Thanks Marie – this was such an amazing interview. Love, love, LOVED it.

  105. Ciara

    I am a step mother to two, 9 and 8 year old boys. My trigger is rejection. I am a touchy feely person and can risk a lot of rejection if I don’t keep my touchiness in check. And if a situation is played out that affects me and I’m not informed as to whats going on, I feel rejected.

    I feel this trigger brings forth my need for acceptance from others. I also feel like I dont exist if I am not seen or accepted by others.

  106. Yes, SO BEAUTIFUL! <3 The Truth! of Life xo

    My son has been teaching me so much about myself and what I need to let go of ever since I threw my hands up and realized that I was not REALLY listening to him! Five years later I finally am helping him to listen to HIS inner voice- I SO love teaching and sharing these insights with my clients, and adored your honesty about how our clients are really teaching us, and we grow with them.
    love love love

  107. This video touched me so deeply, Marie. I am so glad you continue to go deep and spiritual with your work!

    My trigger is when my mom snaps at me. She was abusive and we have healed a lot between us. But when she does that, I just want to walk away from her and not turn back.

    I believe that trigger causes me to fear that I will do the same with my daughter – that I have that seed in me to be abusive and it scares me.

    Yet this trigger also causes my heart to close to my mother who is trying to heal and grow as well.

    This reaction of mine got worse after having my daughter last year.

    I need to step into my power and know that I can experience her aggressive energy and not let it affect me as deeply, and to know I am truly safe and have the power to stand up for myself if need be. I need to know I will grow from this and not pass that on to my daughter. Tha I have the wisdom and power and skills to do things differently.

    I also need to further forgive and realize I am no longer that helpless child, but am now a powerful and loving woman.

  108. Joanne

    Absolutely loved this!!! I know a trigger in me is other people telling me what I ‘should’ be doing, which I believe is calling forth a sense of trust in my own intuition. If I’m listening, feeling and acting from what’s inside me I know the “you should”‘s almost don’t even cause a blip, other than appreciation of the other persons love for me, or my recognition that I’m seeing or hearing a reflection of their own fears or insecurities. And to that, I’m thinking now, I could perhaps help them by validating their loving advice so that they may in fact then take it themselves.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! This was divine timing this interview for me, I’ll definitely be ordering some books :-)))

  109. Caroline

    WOW! I wish I had seen this when my kids were little. It took seven years of marriage for me to be brave enough to have kids. My Mom and my siblings all told me that I would never be a good parent because I was “too selfish”. For a long time, I believed them.
    My husband and I set a goal for our business to provide a healthcare plan for our staff. When we achieved this in year 5, I felt that I could afford counselling. Research lead me to “the most qualified” psychologist I could find. He too told me that “it was impossible for me to be a good Mom given my upbringing”.
    We had a one year old son by this time and I knew I was a good Mom. I read every book and studied parents that I admired. The best advice anyone ever gave me was to listen to my kid. I made so many mistakes but I always tried to learn from them.
    Maybe I was trying to prove everyone wrong, but by giving birth I had made a commitment and I intended to honour it. I left that psychologist and refused to pay that bill. Now I wish I had reported him.
    Thankfully, our kids are happy, kind and love each other like nobody’s business. They call often and actually want to come and visit.
    So glad that I got over my fears and didn’t heed the nastiness. In my heart I guess I knew enough of the right things to do and did them.

  110. Marie and Dr Shefali, thank you so much for this episode. I have always been the black sheep of the family, the creative child that my family couldn’t relate to. I knew that I had to be me even though I was not understood. As I grew up, I was someone who followed my own path even though it was painful to not feel understood. I just always had a “knowing” that I had to follow my inner voice. People would question me as if they were questioning my sanity, because I didn’t always follow conventional thinking. It made me question myself sometimes but I still kept moving forward. I am so thankful that I did not lose my way. I guess I am one of the lucky ones! I now teach other people how to find what I call their “Wisdom Within” and to manage their inner critic. Thanks for spreading the word! Dr Shefali. I can’t wait to read your book!

  111. Sara

    This video was so inspiring to me. I’ve strived as a parent to get out of the way and allow my children to be their own people. However, my 15 year old son causes me to struggle. It’s hard because I love who he is, a kind and thoughtful person with so many interesting ideas. However, he has always struggled with school. It’s mainly that he refuses to participate and stay engaged in the classroom. We have tried just about everything you can think of; extra help, tutors, homeschool, sylvan learning center, rewards, punishment and any number of testing but frankly he just doesn’t care to try. I want to tear my hair out just thinking about all the things he has been enrolled in and failed out of (with the sweetest energy) He’s the nicest kid who refuses to participate and try. He’s reaching the end of his freshman year and once again will flunk out, despite meetings with his teachers, daily logs and credit recovery courses. It’s such a challenge to not tie his worth as a beautiful person with the constant frustration over academics. Do I just let him fail until he cares enough to try or continue pushing and investing in ways that are just not working?

  112. Yowza, did two of my favorite ladies just get together in one conversation? This was fabulous, you guys. I am currently enrolled in B-school AND in Dr Shefali’s Second Conscious Parenting course so when this came up in my feed I was thinking “are the planets colliding?!”
    Thank you both for your fabulous work. In answer to your questions I have explored what triggers me (being woken up!) and what I do about it on my parenting vlog.

  113. Kelly C

    Amazing video – very enlightening!

    For the last two years I have working to find and connect with my inner voice. I completely relate to Alicia’s question. Growing up, I carried the weight of my parents’ expectations to become a smart student and a diligent worker – to be a perfect daughter and a perfect achiever. After graduating school with perfect grades, I began my career. As I rose in my career, I found the work lacking in fascination and fulfillment. Internal madness, chaos, and questioning ensued and my relationship with my inner voice was born. I left my corporate business job and began freelancing in an artistic field. Thank you Marie and Dr. Shefali for your great work, amazing episode, and putting into words a process I have been feeling and undergoing the last two years.

    Now for the challenge – My ego is triggered when someone questions whether I am right. When a family member or my significant other asks “Are you sure?” or “I don’t think so”. Oh, my slumbering ego awakens with a mission to destroy.

    Growing up, I was taught to be smart and to be smart, you needed to be right. Being intelligent is a huge part of my own identity and is very much external based, especially in cases when I rely on validation from others. When I don’t get validation from others (or worse yet, they question my intelligence), I feel as though they are attacking my identity, something very precious to all of us. So I must defend and destroy my attacker. But what if, I just know that I am smart on the inside, without an external validation, without any reliance on the belief of others. Perhaps, I would be more content then. Hmm, interesting.

  114. What an amazing interview! Thanks Marie for bringing these amazing people to light. I will certainly be using this in my life and business. x

  115. Cristine

    Loved this episode! Was actually recently asking the universe for a better way to raise my one year old baby boy.

  116. Angela

    Thank you both for this inspiring interview. As a child of abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction I have tried to give my children everything I didn’t receive. After having my first child I found it so unnatural to hug him for so long because I was never hugged or told I was loved, but soon it became the most natural thing in the world. Then they grow up and become teenagers who won’t let you hug them. LOL
    The thing that triggers me most is having worked so hard my whole life and raised them as a (mostly) single mom, giving them everything they ever wanted and learning (the hard way) that giving them everything teaches them nothing. They don’t appreciate anything they have, and take everything for granted. It frustrates me because I know how lucky they are and how many children are out there who have nothing, are abused, go hungry, etc… I struggle with not feeling appreciated or respected by them. I work so hard to keep our home clean and organized. I am constantly picking up after them, even after asking over and over for them to take a second and pick up their dirty clothes out of the bathroom floor, or bring their dirty dishes to the kitchen, so that they don’t pile up, or I have to do it later but they still do not cooperate. It’s crazy how a parent can model cleanliness yet both their children have pig stys for bedrooms.

    After watching this and reading others comments I am contemplating whether I lack appreciation and respect for myself and what their uncleanliness says about me. Something to think about for sure. I am proud to say that I have never pushed my children into any activities. My daughter took dance for a short while and decided she didn’t like it so we dropped out, no problem. My two oldest have also played musical instruments of their own choosing. My oldest son has problems focusing, used to be extremely hyper, to the point of danger, which he has grown out of and struggles in his “every child should fit in a box” school. He is very intelligent but doesn’t want to go to college, he has instead decided to take auto mechanics at his school’s vocational technical program which is totally okay with me.

    I do feel that a lot of our children’s problems are created by our school systems where all children are expected to sit still for hours with their nose in a book, and if their unable they are diagnosed as ADHD and their parents forced to medicate them. We all know that people learn in different ways, yet that doesn’t seem to apply to children! Such a shame that kids can’t learn through hands on, or other means better suited for their particular learning style. This is a major issue that really needs addressed within our educational systems. Seeing this has given me hope that consciousness is awakening in all areas of life! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
    Love, Angela

  117. Zanthea

    Hi Marie and Dr Shefali,

    I feel very triggered by not being good enough in my occupation. I get defensive when I am undermined and then loose any passion I had for the task. I feel I need external validation and I don’t want to be ruled by my ego.

    How can I stop this pattern??



  118. Carmella

    LOVE THIS! I’m really enjoying Dr. Shefali’s teleseminars and her support in helping parents recognize we have the wisdom within us to know how to parent consciously.

  119. Richelle

    BRILLIANT!!! Dr. Shefali is brilliant!

    I have a son who reminds a lot of me when I was young. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, so he has a very impulsive behaviour and a need to constantly touch, especially people. He gets in trouble frequently, but not from having bad intentions. He just doesn’t listen or follow what is spoken to him. In any case, when he gets in trouble, I get so angry, sad, upset, and frustrated because I feel like I’m repeating myself constantly on what he needs to do not to get in trouble, but then I remember that I was the same young child(except there was no diagnosis for it back then) who annoyed and got in trouble frequently. So I remind myself and am able to step outside of that triggered reaction (with some ample time) and observe it as neutral as possible. With that, I have to remember how old he is (10 years old) and what he is struggling with (impulsive behaviours), so I step back and discuss with him what he did and ask him why he did it and how to make it better outcome in the future. It’s hard for me sometimes because anger and frustration can cloud my “inner voice” but then when it clears, he amazingly loves me even more. It’s an incredible feeling.

  120. Kim Gregson

    Boy oh boy did I need this today. I am a mom to a 9 year old son who has and continues to teach me so much about all of this! He has many struggles day to day and I have to constantly be mindful of my approach with him. Tone of voice, patience, etc. Some days I seem to have none and I feel terrible. When I step back and look at it its a really good reminder of acceptance and love. These struggles and “isms” are not a conscious choice for him. He is a tender hearted, sweet boy. So when those buttons are getting pushed and I am losing patience, I think to myself, “He may not be what I envisioned in a child, but he’s perfect. I owe him unconditional love” Its my job to embrace this. To build him up and to love him unconditionally. Getting Dr. Shefali’s book tonight! Thanks Marie, another home run.

  121. Una

    Thanks for great conversation.
    My daughters ( 10 and 11 years old) and I work a lot together creating videos, songs or anything that comes to our mind we think about creating.
    And our biggest dream is to help other children be happy, strong and make a solution not a problem.
    How can I be sure that I am not manifesting my dreams and goals on to them.
    When do we stop, and where did we start??

  122. Loved this one, Marie! Breaking free & fully being yourself is actually a real big challenge, but feels so great! Letting others totally be themselves can sometimes be a challenge too. The need to “fix” each other seems so common. But we are all so very unique & special. I try to live that message in my business. I’m an artist & interior designer. I see so many interior designers push their style on their clients. But I’m really passionate about the psychology behind figuring out what my client is all about and what would make them feel totally at home in their space. Everyone deserves to have a home that makes them feel amazing!

  123. Erin-Marie

    I have the HARDEST TIME when I feel like I’m being questioned…I get defensive and irritated even though I KNOW most of the time people are simply seeking information. I’m in a new relationship with a very inquisitive man who reminds me constantly that he’s not asking me about my choices or decisions because he doubts me, but because he wants to get to know me better!

    I know that a lot of my defensiveness comes from how my mother asks questions (surprise, surprise!) but watching this made me consider: as someone who leans towards perfectionism myself, are the external questions really just projections of my own self-doubt? If I didn’t question myself so much, would I be so reactive with the questions of others?

    Great food for thought, ladies. Thank you so much!

  124. Katy's Nyangi

    Dear Marie,

    It was great listening to Dr Shefali, which is a great reminder to us parents. I have a struggle with inconsistency in my parenting. While I often have that consciousness and approach it from inside, I too many atimes lose myself by my urge to control the situation or put an end to a certain behaviour in my child. I then spend my day in regret and self-blame. How can a parent enhance consistency in conscious parenting and avoid confusing the child? Thanks!

  125. Katya

    Dear Marie,
    It was great listening to Dr Shefali, which is a great reminder to us parents. I have a struggle with inconsistency in my parenting. While I often have that consciousness and approach it from inside, I too many atimes lose myself by my urge to control the situation or put an end to a certain behaviour in my child. I then spend my day in regret and self-blame. How can a parent enhance consistency in conscious parenting and avoid confusing the child? Thanks!

  126. terri

    When your teen has huge defiance issues and makes mistakes that are going to affect the rest of his or her life it’s really hard to be a conscious parent. How do you let them follow their inner voice when their inner voice means they will not finish high school? Conscious parenting is sometimes a risk you can’t afford to take because with children like this a certain look or question or tone of voice isn’t going to save them from hurting themselves or their future.

    • Michele

      All of our experiences in life are there for us to evolve. Maybe it isn’t about saving them from hurting themselves or their future. As long as they aren’t hurting others there is a lesson for them to learn. If they don’t learn what they need to learn from a certain experience another one will come along to teach it. The experiences will keep coming until we learn the lesson, even if we don’t learn it until we’re 40, or 50, or 60. It’s hard to fight the ego when it’s telling you that what your child is doing is a reflection of you, but truly it is just another projection you are putting out to them. Being a parent is the hardest job anyone could ever do, but finding what works for you and your family is what’s best, for you.

  127. Upon being introduced to Dr. Shefali’s brilliant work last May, I have continued to receive the gift of so many amazing transformations through her insightful and wise teachings. My coaching practice is based on the conscious parenting approach as I can personally attest to how effective all of what Dr. Shefali has to share is life-changing. I started a blog on FB and recently online because of the great inspiration I have (personally) encountered with Dr. Shefali. She is a change-agent of our times that has been long needed to create revolutionary shifts in our world from every relationship dynamic in our lives – starting first and foremost with ourselves and our children. Much love for sharing your vibrational energy and having Dr. Shefali be part of your wonderful forum. I never get tired of listening and learning from her!

  128. This was so wonderful!

    Thank you both for this great episode, it so speaks to me….

    I LOVE my mother more than anything but have had the stormiest relationship with her. With a lot of effort and listening to my inner voice we have managed to respect and understand each other (still on the journey).

    Our crashes were hardest when her care and attention contradicted my strive for exploration and independence. She always said YES to everything I wanted to do but made it so hard to go for it showing that she disapproved.

    Now, I am liberated and she knows how to respect that we are different. I don’t get angry anymore when she keeps calling me a hundred times if I don’t answer her messages.

    But it took some time and a lot of understanding and empath to get there.

    Thank you again for this lovely interview!

  129. Michelle

    Profound. Insightful. Inspiring. One of my greatest gifts has been to study the work of Colleen joy page called inner life skills who teaches you these great skills of harnessing your inner voice. It helped me overcome huge inner obstacles and find peace, love and trust in my inner voice! Thank you both for being icons of this way!!

  130. Michele

    Woman!!! I swear you are in my head. I’d tell you to get out but I know you’re in there conspiring with my own inner wisdom to wake me up;)

    I have been doing some really tough but necessary work through The Ford Institute and learning about their distinctions. Projections is a pretty big conversation. We have positive projections, which I believe is why I found your work, but we also have negative projections, which is where others come in. For me, being a single-mom, I am pretty much with my kids unless they’re in school or day-care. They are my walking projection screen! I have struggled with getting them to listen and it has almost driven me to insanity. Ok, by definition, I have gone insane with them not listening because I keep expecting different results. This triggers me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Then one day, I had the realization as to why they weren’t listening to me. It was because I realized that I wasn’t listening to myself, my higher self, my inner wisdom. No wonder they don’t listen! I haven’t showed them how to. I’m still practicing listening to my inner wisdom but like you, Dr. Shefali, and everyone at The Ford Institute have taught me that’s what its about, practicing. Getting rid of the should’s and need for being perfect is something that is so very hard for me to do, but I know I need to release them and accept exactly where I am. Just turning 40 and not being where I thought I should be by now has been tough, but I’ve come through a lot of stuff in the past few years to wake me up to the fact that I wasn’t living my most extraordinary life. Now that my level of consciousness is rising, I’m seeing the extraordinary life I already have. Thank you for being a beacon of inspiration not just for my professional life but for my spiritual life as well.

    Much love to you and the team! xo

  131. kay song

    Dear Marie,

    Every video you do seems like it was made just for me. Thank you! I have been struggling with this projection of what a person should be all my life. I live the life that my parents wanted me to. I understand why they did..priming me for the “good and secure life.” In my middle age, I am now questioning how I can live my own authentic self. “Getting out of my child’s way,” will by something I will practice as well. Being a conscious parent to myself/inner child and artist and to my own child is such a valuable message.

  132. Thank you for for the wonderful video! It has spoken to me on multiple levels. I am in the process of changing paths to focus my life to pursue my passions in my way. This video helped me to reflect on the ways I have allowed external pressures from my past to cloud over my present state and my life decisions. I am stepping out from behind the veil of fear that was instilled in my world. It is an exciting adventure and I thank you and Team Forleo for being a constant source of insight, inspiration, and most of all self-reflection/discovery! Much Love!!

  133. Hello Marie,

    Thank you for your inspiring work and particularly for this interview with the enigmatic Dr Shefali. I am in the midst of being triggered a whole lot by the behaviour of my 3 year old. The truth of my beliefs and expectations about behaviour and what kids ‘should’ be like is becoming apparent to me. Often I want to punish them when my expectations are not met. Not pretty but that is where I am at. What does this trigger bring forth in me? It brings forth quite a bit of sadness. I am living that at the moment and trying at the same time to find the kindness that I know is in my heart when I relate to my children. I deeply desire to show them the love that I have for them in how I relate to them. I am taking up the invitation to do the inner work. It would be lovely to find others who are in the same space. Many blessings to you all, Emma x

  134. Tanya


    This is probably the topic that is closest to my own heart and has driven most of the decisions I’ve made as a mum, including separation from my son’s father who just doesn’t get it and simply doesn’t have time or interest for reflection in his busy schedule. I removed my son from what I believed to be an unhealthy environment but there is still a strong influence from his dad who he adores and emulates and it saddens me that some of that incredible light still went out and the ego has definitely taken a hold for the moment. I have been blessed with so many amazingly inspiring role models along the way, but it still feels like an uphill battle in a world where it’s all about grades and achievements and push-push-push and children being told how to behave by parents and other well-wishers 😉

    What triggers me… the dynamics in my family relationships, with parents & sibling and the way they relate to my son… I recognise that I don’t like being told what to do / how to live my life / having plans made for me and that I’m easily irritated when they have fixed, predetermined expectations of me. I find their unconscious interactions with my son equally disturbing but as I’ve chosen, after many years away, to live nearer to them again with all that that brings up, I know on some level I’m choosing to face these issues and see these relationships evolve : 0

    Thank you so much once again for this wonderful interview 🙂

  135. As a recovering perfectionist, I practice daily choosing “authentic happiness” over being “right” Living my life now from the “inside-out” has brought me home to the love, peace, joy and abundance I was seeking outside myself. This is what I successfully coach others to do.

  136. Lyn

    Hello Marie

    Greetings from the Island of Barbados. Just wanted to say thank you for the great work that you do. I have been going through some changes within the last year, searching for my purpose and really trying to figure out what I should be doing with my life. I have a desire to take care of my family, be financially independent and to make a change in the world no matter how small it may be. I came across your videos accidentally, while viewing other inspiring people and it was like you were speaking directly to me. I finally got the courage to start my own business. I am in the process of building my website for my business and for the first time in my life I feel like I am not stuck and that I am making a conscious effort to change the things I do not like in my like. I am far from where I want to be but I feel like I am participating in my life, saying no to the things I do not want and following the things that really bring out the core of who I really am.

  137. Parenting never triggers me unless it’s one of my parent’s trying to tell me or force themselves on our rhythm. I’m very protective of our natural rhythm and my space to grow as a person and parent. If they don’t respect it then they can literally remove themselves.

    Something that truly triggers me or sets me off is my Dad. I feel like he’s so intelligent and successful (financially) that what he says really matters to me and I respond. I don’t see how someone as intelligent as him can be so blind to so many aspects of existence. Seriously, I’m getting pissed off just thinking about him.

    I think that if I step outside of that triggered reaction for a moment I see that we are truly equals in different ways. I see him as a little boy longing for love and understanding and wanting approval from his parents. I see him, just like me, lost and never enough. I see how much we have in common and how much his ego has created those same demands on his children that he hated about his parents. I see that he’s doing what he can with what he has and that its OK to be respectful of my journey which doesn’t include acquiring wealth the same way he did.

    GREAT VIDEO! I love her book! Parenting is something my partner and I never expected so we’ve just made it up as we go along and it’s been better than living up to everyone’s expectations. So much of what she said is instinctively what we know and imposing our egos on our daughter is on our list of shit to cut out.

  138. Hi Marie,

    Right up my street!!

    Thank you so much

    Love, Katie

  139. Sako

    Thank you so much for introducing her. I’ve watched this video clip several times alreaddy. When I heard the story about the lady who has perfectionism problem, I was almost crying… Thank you so much again. This clip gives me a huge chance to shift to my center. Even though I have tried to be centered, I didn’t felt like I am fully centered. I think I got some clue for me to be more centered from this whole video clip. Even though I’ve always been enjoying your videos, especially this one is a very big for me. Thank you so much again.

  140. Thank You. Having a son with Asperger’s was the catalyst for my journey to Conscious Parenting, although I didn’t know it had a name. Helping him navigate the world has helped me navigate my own, and I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be his mom, and know myself in the process.

    Enjoy the Journey!

  141. Marie!

    This was beautiful. I fell in love with Dr. Shefali!

    I am a mother and just yesterday (Tuesday) we had to take a Family Healing Day. My 5 year old stayed home and my husband did not go to work so that we could work out some things that had sparked.

    1. not being heard by husband or son triggers me like crazy. In other words, when they do not do what I ask them to do. And the accumulation of undone requests drive me nuts and I loose it.

    2. If I take many steps back and look at this situation I can see that the feeling of not being heard makes me feel like I don’t matter, I’m not there, what I say is not important and ultimately that they don’t love me. But that’s not true, it’s all made up by moi. A projection of my own self worth and love.

    It’s interesting that it all goes back to that – how we feel about ourselves, how we treat ourselves our self respect.

    Thank you so much for all the wisdom.



  142. Holy doodle!!!!! This interview is incredible – so full, so much wisdom. It’s time for me to do some work!

  143. hiba

    Love the discussion!
    My best part is even if you have the highest standards of success and you are satisfying yr ego continuously out of fear of the outside you can still be unhappy. I quit this people race a while ago in everything I do. It feels great! I always listen to my inner voice and the more we listen to it the stronger it gets! But I still have to work on my relation with my kids part, nt imposing on them my ideas of success..that is sooo hard because anxiety about their future kind of emotions are involved and this messes up with my parenting style sometimes.

  144. Two great questions Marie! I know I am triggered by people I perceive as selfish or self-centered. I am always putting others first and I can learn from these people that prioritizing self-care is okay. In fact if I don’t take care of my needs, I won’t have the resources to continue to give to others.
    Thanks for asking the question!

  145. This was SUCH a great interview! Thank you! I used to really get triggered by hyper critical people. I felt very unseen and unheard when I knew my ideas and solutions were so useful! I look back and see how that situation played out time and time again– in toxic relationships, work environments, friendships, etc. But, I also see how building my company (which at the time I thought was called Compliment because it was sweet and cute– not because it was divinely inspired!) was the perfect self-care I needed to do the work of going back to myself and being my own compass– not relying so much on what others said I could/couldn’t be. Business is such a spiritual journey!

  146. Azzy

    Thanks @Marie, Thanks @Dr. Shefali

    This made me realize how we are we are trying to fulfill others projection of us and vice versa. Just listening to and affirming our inner voice can bring happiness and beauty.

    >My Trigger is people taking me for granted or neglecting me, it really pisses me off. Its like I am not going to be lenient or nice to them again nor other will also treat me the same. If you know what I mean…

    >I tried to look at it from an outsiders perspective. I realized the anger on the outside is really insecurity that they don’t find me good enough and that I need to prove them that I am worth more.

    People have enough going on in their lives, they have their reason to behave in their own ways.

    Its so liberating to realize that,
    I don’t have to prove any thing to any one except myself.
    I don’t need to change my behavior towards others. ( unless I am wrong)
    and do what I love 😀

    Big Thanks for another inspiring Insightful Q and A.
    Love you guys

  147. I was so excited to see Dr. Shefali on Marie TV! Thank you, thank you! My best days are definitely those where I look inward, honor who I am, and accept where I am. I do not heart the “race to nowhere”.

  148. I bought the book. This is so powerful and so inspiring. However I’m not sure I can get my husband to buy into this…

  149. B

    I still struggle a bit with understanding the full meaning about being conscious and listening to the inner voice. For example, when it comes to myself and my decision, my inner voice is so easy to be listened to. However, when it comes to my reaction about other people’s behaviors and actions I find it harder to listen to my inner voice. I guess I just need to keep practicing.

    – My trigger is when my husband acts like a child and throws a tantrum because he is not getting the attention he is yearning for. I feel like telling him to act his age and communicat like an adult.

    – I tried to look at it from an outsiders perspective and realized that instead of getting annoyed, irritated and bitter, I should simply let him throw his tantrum and then communicate when he is done and ask him how he feels.

    This stuff is confusing. But I am thankful I watched this episode because it was very insightful.

    Read more:

  150. “You just have to do YOU.”

    Love it.

  151. Rosann

    I have one child,a son, now 25 years old. Ours has been the house of ‘should’. “You are so smart, there is no reason you shouldn’t get straight A’s, you need to be more competitive, you will never be able to get a good job. Now, I have to say that these statements have come from my husband, his dad. I know that this comes from his own sense of inadequacy and failure to be all his mom thought he should be. It put me in the position of protector for my son so now we have jealousy mixed in because I “favor” my son. My way of living up to expectations was to always have my home and myself look perfect and always do everything “right”. So, this was a powerful episode for me – to let me step back and let me just be and to let my son be just himself. He is a wise young man and he does listen to his inner voice (and he’s starting therapy, too). I now need to find my inner voice because I have no idea what is right for me.

  152. Melani

    I get really triggered by people running around trying to cram more and more things into their day…and completely neglecting self-care to the point where they aren’t eating properly, sleeping enough or taking time to meditate and exercise.

    I realize that I do these same things…I am so driven DO EVERYTHING and BE EVERYTHING to EVERYONE that I abandon myself, my voice and my wisdom.

    Thank you to Alisha for her courage! And thanks Marie, for this platform.

    Love it!

  153. Love Love Love the wisdom! Going to get her book asap. Makes a huge difference to be present, I am learning stepping back from an eruptive situation with my kids, and having a moment to myself in stillness, the situation is resolved with love and understanding, and we all end being a lot more connected xoxo

  154. I am new to Marie TV but loving the inspiration and especially this latest episode which links into a project I am running called imagine365 as this calls us to access our own inner voice. I am becoming aware that this can be difficult especially when I am asking people to share their deepest wishes with the world. Love Kerry.

    So many truth bombs and speaks so deeply to me. Parenting is definitely a gift for *us*. We learn SO MUCH from our kids, it’s definitely not a one-way, hierarchical thing. Growing up in a culture where parents *were* seen as “higher up” has interestingly cultivated me to go the other way with my kids. Funny how the universe works. THanks so much for this brilliant video.

  156. Fantastic episode. Conscious parenting is very much up my alley. I love the point that children/ and ourselves have the wisdom to fulfill there destiny we just need to get out of there way. Such a great reminder. Also love that line from Marie’s mum about telling her she has her own little voice inside. I must use this with my son. How old do you think you were when your mother started this Marie? Can’t wait to read Dr Shefali’s books. Thanks for sharing your wisdom x

  157. Bee

    Thank you for such a wonderful and insightful interview, I loved it and the beautiful message 🙂
    I share these values and have practiced this method of relationship building with my beautiful 17 year old who teaches me so much each day. I love her for who she is and honour her inner strength and journey, she is amazing. My role is to support her to become the woman she will be, to stand on her own and give herself and the world all she has to offer. I feel very priviledged.
    The biggest challenge I face is in meeting a partner who comes with their own full cup. I feel that I attract people who attach with passion to my inner strength and stillness and eventually draw on my own wisdom, hoping they can mirror my emotional journey. I try so hard to be patient and honour their needs, but eventually I feel like a crutch or therapist rather than a partner. What to do? I’m still working on it 🙂 Thank you again ladies xxx

  158. Wow! So happy that you have sent Dr Shefali my way.

    My whole business is built on helping parents connect with their children and help children build confidence and self esteem. I can’t wait to get my hands on her books and learn more, so I can teach my tribe.

    Marie, you are constantly helping me grow both within my business and life.

    Love, happiness and laughter,
    Alex x

  159. Liz Whitmarsh

    A fabulous interview Marie. I took extensive notes and love Dr Shefali’s perspective. As a Mum of 3 beautiful, and very different, daughters there are so many triggers – mostly to do with control/pecking order/unkindness between siblings. What Dr Shefali has helped me to see is that my ego often escalates these struggles even further and I’m often just playing out my own childhood role with them as the bossy, eldest of 3 myself! It is very liberating to consider taking my ego out of the equation and encouraging the girls to look within for their own resolutions. Also very helpful for my nearly 12 year old daughter concerning friendships. I will invite her to watch the video if I can peel her away from Instagram for 23 mins! Thank you SO much for this wonderful episode – you’re a STAR Marie!! Love Liz xxx

  160. Emily

    Thank You Marie and Dr. Shefali! I loved seeing this video! ‘The Conscious Parent’ was one of the most important books I’ve ever read and I am currently reading ‘Out of Control’! Life changing stuff! I just wanted to say an extra thanks to both of you for confiding that we are all works in progress, and that sometimes we have to go back to things we’ve previously understood and shared to remind ourselves of the lesson. I mistakenly thought I was alone in that I keep having to re-learn some of the things I thought I knew already. I feel so excited and enlivened now!

  161. Lori Anne

    This session resonated so much for me and my heart when out to the young girl who submitted her question. I had a similar experience in my teenage years and as young adult – I was labeled “exceptional” and a true change agent for those areas and issues I was passionate about. Well – here I am 27 years later and it is hard not to feel like life failure because I have not lived up to this external marker that I allowed to define me at such a deep level. In the fall, I had a devastating professional experience that completely shattered my sense of self, definition of self worth and perception of value. What also started to creep in was the “how did I get here when I started out so “exceptional” funk. This funk lingered for a few months – but it light eventually did dawn .. or at least the funk fog lifted little when I realized that my markers of self worth were all external … I started to paint again and write – not for someone’s reaction – but for me and it felt amazing – liberating. I reflected on my former, young self’s idea of contribution and goals and realized that I had achieved them – only on a local scale watching my daughter grow into the confident and self possessed young women she is. Watching my son – and his compassionate and kind interaction with his younger cousins and dedication to the sport that he loves. They are not me or reflections of me – they are their own persons – already making decisions based on their own internal points of reference. But more than that – I am not just their mom – I am an artist, a writer, a strategist (my profession), a wife, a daughter and a friend – and not always in that lateral order. I am growing to love this new “skin” and the definition of feeling comfortable in it is an ever complex but wondrous thing that no one can take away from me. I am not completely out of the funk …. but this new fence post allows me to see that there is more to life then what other people think or their perceptions of my worth. When I fall down the rabbit hole – I use the post to pull myself out, steady myself and then carry on… I think my 20 year old self would be proud of my 47 year old self and my determination to continue to shape my world based on my personal frame and not be affected by the crowd and all the white noise.

  162. 1. I get triggered when I ask my 7 year old son to do something and he says no. I immediately feel powerless and angry.

    2. I know that I let my beautiful and well meaning parents’ voices and demands squash any authentic voice. I have spent far too many years feeling powerless, less than or even worse more than another. I have seen power as something someone has over another, rather than what I know power to be now as a deep inner connection to my own heart, and the commitment to follow through with that voice.

    My son reflects my insecurity that another could have power over me….I think…. 🙂

    Wonderful episode Marie! Thank you!

  163. Marie,
    This is amazing timing! I have been struggling with this exact parenting issue with my middle school daughters. My issue is wanting every infinite opportunity / possibility for my daughter’s success now, for college and in life in general. I now realize this is from my personal ego thinking I could give and supply her with a successful life path of opportunities, however I neglected to see how I was controlling her outcome and not allowing her to just be who she wants to be and that she might change her mind
    a few hundred times. Critical lesson: Get out of their way and stop trying to feed my own desires / needs through the outside. Let them use their own inner wisdom to manifest a magnificent and happy life.

  164. I LOVE it!! I’m not a parent yet, but the message Dr. Shefali gives rings so true and close to my heart at this moment. It just makes so much sense to have this mindset for life in general!

    Going through B-School and building my business has helped me accept and open up about how introspective I am and how I try to find the ‘WHY’ in all I do. Dr. Shefali’s message just brings it home for me. This definitely relates so well to ‘raising’ a business: be present and conscious of your Being, and your business will have a strong foundation for growth!

    Thanks ladies!

  165. Sadie Rose

    I LOVED THIS!!! I know what triggers me the most with my daughter is that I have to repeat myself over and over. She asks the same question over and over. It is infuriating! However it is the Universe trying to teach me (for the umpteenth time) that I need to learn new and different ways of communicating. I don’t communicate clearly. I think I am communicating clearly, but I’m not. My whole life managers, employees, and now my daughter, are not hearing what I’m trying to say. It’s crazy to have this lesson over and over again, it’s also amazing to take a step back and take agency over the situation, instead of blaming my child. If my history proves anything, she is probably in the right to ask again and I’m probably not explaining properly.

    • I accidentally landed on your comment whist scrolling back up… Thank you. I never thought of it like that.

      Mine son is very similar to your daughter


  166. Christine P.

    I’ve been asking for healing and guidance this week with my kids, as we’ve been having a rough time, and then Marie’s video showed up. Got what I asked for! It’s been driving me absolutely nuts that my almost 6 year old and 2 year old don’t listen to me, don’t follow instructions, do the exact OPPOSITE of what I tell them, etc., and I’ve found myself getting very angry about it, which is making me feel horrible about myself that I feel that way. I think for me, I feel like I’m not being heard or respected, that my opinion and inputs don’t matter and all that I do for my kids, all of the sacrifices I make, don’t matter. I guess I want to feel like everything I’m giving up personally in order to be home with my kids is worth the sacrifice of putting my dreams and ambitions (beyond a happy family) on hold. I will keep asking for divine guidance and healing. Thank you for the fabulous interview, Marie and Dr. Shefali! I’m picking up the book.

  167. Donna

    I am so triggered by my mother’s passive response to life. I only recently have begun to accknowledge it in myself. Even though my drive is more like my father. I try to see this as a way to dance with both as I bring the third alternative of myself to the world. Very challenging and at times I feel I am being eaten and spit out by this awareness…lol. Maybe that is what the Jonah and the whale analogy is all about?

  168. I LOVED this episode since I’m a Radiant Mama Coach and will be talking about Conscious Parenting in an upcoming 21-day online program (due out by the end of the year) for mamas – to help them stop making themselves feel so inadequate because their kids don’t do what the book says they should do!

    For now – wrote a post and linked to you all and your YourTube video. Thanks for spreading the love!

  169. What a beautiful episode, so much value in that 20 minutes. I practice and teach meditation, so I appreciate the importance and guidance for us all to go within. I’m also a parent and in response to the question of what triggers me; 1. Is my kids inability to not get out the door on time for school without constant pushing. Doesn’t matter if I give them 30 minutes or 2 minutes, its the same result.
    2. When I lean into best answers and look at what this is for me, I see that I’ve pushed upon them my ego’s need to control and lack of trust that their individual voice is more than capable in getting to school on time, if they’re given the space to do so.

    Thanks Marie and Dr.Shefali!!!!

  170. Tina K

    Marie, what a phenomenal episode this really was. Dr. Shefali mentioned some very insightful things. At this point in my life, it almost seems like a blessing to watch this episode and understand that I am close to my inner self, but need to work on eliminating the external noises. Thank you both for such intelligent information!!

  171. In a way, I can relate to Alicia’s concerns, not to being a perfectionist but to doing something everybody else thinks I should be doing.

    Also, I have a nephew who’s almost 2 years old, and it “triggers” me whenever I hear adults say “Hey, you should be like ____, who’s an ____.” It’s really terrible in my opinion, but when the elderly people speak, it becomes a normal thing that you’d offend some of them if you’d say it’s utterly terrible.

    Of course my nephew wouldn’t understand that yet, but what was talked about in this interview is really something that happens almost everywhere. It wouldn’t really matter if you can’t “afford” to send your kid to a ballet class–well, she may just miss ballet for the sake of it, but more important matters should be looked into–being able to find their authentic voice. And I believe that when they’re raised up with this principle, they’d grow up to be truly themselves, unstoppable, with a clear mind for further greater things they’d want to accomplish.

    This fundamental lesson should be brought up more often.

    Thanks Marie and Dr. Shefali! Just wonderful! Keep it up!

  172. This is my new favorite episode. I love Dr. Shefali’s honesty. She’s spot on. I’m not a parent, but I want this book! Ladies, you are awesome.

  173. Vesna

    WOW! Thank you Marie and Dr. Shefali for your insight and wisdom. My husband and I homeschool our children – talk about being triggered! Every day seems to be a challenge. Just keeping our heads and speaking from a place that is more grounded in the present is a struggle at times (lots of times!). You have both taught me so much in such a short period of time!

  174. Listening to this I realize I get too much validation from external sources. Social media, friends, etc. I need to be told I am doing a good job. But I also has this realization WHY it is so important not to compare yourself to others, is because that is not YOUR authentic self. It is a projection.

    Damn, well wow! You guys are amazeballs!

    I’m gonna do me! Drink my craft beer, eat some amazing food and then hit the gym!

  175. Fiona C

    Dear Marie and Dr Shefali,

    Thank you for doing this episode. I watched this video a few days ago, took all the time I needed to digest this information and then came back to watch it again. This time with a book and pen 🙂
    I totally agree with everything the both of you discussed and can relate to it from a child’s preceptive even though I am 33 today. Coming from a broken home and having all my decision made for me by my family I never knew what it means to have an inner voice. So at 23 I left home. I learnt slowly but surely how to make simple decisions like what size clothing I must buy for myself? and what colors actually suit me? I loved it. During this time I met the love of my life and at 28 it was him who asked me during an argument, “What is it you want?” and that question hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried because the honest answer is “I don’t know” and no one ever asked me that before. Then started my journey to self discovery. 6years on I am still slowly but surely discovering it. I believe I am very close to finding my inner voice. For the past 6 years it kind of sounds like a radio with a bad signal, the volume comes in bursts and then disappears. So you can only imagine all the mocker’s I have created and self validation is definitely one of them. Now I know what actions I need to take.
    I just needed to hear what you said to just bring it all together in my head. A sincere thank you.

  176. Zoe

    I’m totally late to the party on this one and only just manages to watch it but this interview was literally exactly what I needed to hear right now. I’m feeling so lost and out of touch with my own inner voice and am desperate to find it.

    Dr Shefali is so full of wisdom. You are both such wonderful teachers (and all the better because you are still learning every day). And what it calls forth for me to look at is to honour myself. I’m so low in self confidence and self love that I feel so insecure all the time. I need to take some time for me, and really find that inner voice again.

    Thank you so much Marie & Dr. Shefali. This is a life changer.

    A trigger for me is when I feel like my parents aren’t truly listening to me.

  177. Hi Marie and Dr. Shefali,

    Your work is like nothing I have ever heard of before. I’m not the type of parent who has a ton of parenting books, but I do want to change the way I raise my kids from the way my parents raised me.

    Sure, they did a good job, but there is certain tweaks in my own parenting I want to add. I want my kids to be confident, fulfilled and efficient.

    As I’m sure all parents do, but the difference is, is that I’m aware that I need to make certain changes and implement them.

    After all, you only get one chance at parenting, so I’m Lazar focused on getting it right.

    You book sounds amazing and it’s ‘sold’ to me! Thank you

    Amazing as always Marie xxx


  178. Melina

    I like this message, but one thing that came up for me that I wanted to share. I came from a family where my father and also a step mom were so self involved that they didn’t really notice my talents, brilliance and gifts. They didn’t bother to really encourage me to continue schooling, even though I got 4.0s in high school. They didn’t point out to me how my grades would give me a really big leg up to get into college. Maybe there is a balance of still encouraging ambition, starting disciplined learning at a young age especially if you notice that a kid really enjoys a particular discipline. Like I loved acting, dancing and singing, but they didn’t notice this and encourage more disciplined training in this area, which I would have appreciated. Expecting kids to guide themselves fully can maybe backfire somewhat. I don’t know if never reprimanding or “punishing” (though I wouldn’t choose that word really) is the answer either. Sometimes a parent has to say no, I think. I understand that this mindset tends arise to counter extreme disciplinarian parents, but since I had the opposite, I see the downside of raising completely “free spirit” children too. Fortunately my mom was more about order, responsibilities, commitments, and ambition so I got some of this too…But, yes no matter what, teaching children to trust their inner voice and to be their own advocate is very important too.

  179. laurie

    Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful wisdom! I would love to ask your advice on what you believe are the best best practices for the “inner work” for children? I have been on my spiritual journey for a long time and have finally found my key to staying in tune to my inner wisdom. The days I carve out my “sacred time”… I am a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, creator, human being. However, how do I encourage my children on finding the practices that lead to their inner voice? For me, it is a combination of yoga, mediation, hot baths and spending time in nature. Whenever I encourage my children to try these practices, they label them as ” what mom does” and I do not want to force anything on them. I have always embraced the idea that as a parent the best thing is to BE the example. however, my practices are so private. What are the best tools to inspire children? (my children are teenagers…11, 15 and 17)

  180. What a great video and conversation Marie, thank you for sharing. I am myself striving to get away from measuring everything I do in perfection. The goal I am now aiming at is contribution. I will measure my contribution instead of striving for things to be perfect. This changes everything and makes me feel fulfilled.

  181. Beth

    My trigger is being criticized… which has been hard since I was graded during crits in art school!! It came from a perfectionist mother and an abusive father… neither one of whom I now have a relationship with. I’ve learned that there is a difference between positive criticism and negative/non-productive criticism. This had to happen because at one point in my career, I was imagining every possible thing I might have done wrong with every project and it kept me from being my best. When I had my children, I struggled with keeping my mother’s voice silent when I spoke to my own kids. I never had my own voice which is a big reason that I drew so much! I didn’t want my children to grow up like I had, and I learned through my own trials and errors (and their triggers!) how to help them to discover their own identities and what they wanted their lives to look like. My oldest is about to go to college this fall, pursuing her dreams (that many don’t understand but I do!!!) and my baby will follow the next year. They are both self-assured, happy kids who also respect others because they’ve learned respect from us. When things get tense, as when sometimes I think things “should” be done a certain way, I always step back and say “is this really true for everyone or just really me?”. I find myself realizing that there are many ways to do things and sometimes my children find a better way. I also always try to picture how I’d think about that certain thing on my deathbed and if it really is worth being a control-freak about! I am still trying to deal with my own perfectionism but at least I am finally finding my own voice and am proud of myself for standing up and finally telling my parents that how they treat me is not okay. It took me 46 years to finally become an adult with them and now at 48 I have a much more peaceful and happy existence.

  182. Tawana P.H.

    Here goes – I’ve never commented before so…

    I have a 3 year old and 1 year old, and here’s how they trigger me. My 3 year old triggers me when he “acts up” over what us adults see as nothing big. I do discipline him, but I also sometimes ask him to tell me what’s really wrong. Since he cannot always “say” how he feels how best should I deal with this. It is frustrating many times and my mother loves to tell me that if I don’t curb his behavior now he will be uncontrollable later. She blames me for his behavior.

    I know he acts up because he doesn’t always know how to put things into word and by talking to him and allowing him to see how easy it is to say “I’m sad” about something has been helping, but my mother watches him too and she uses “verbal discipline” such as going on and on about how he is a bad child and needs to act his age etc.

    Anywho, the frustration I feel is usually due to the fact that I don’t want him to become the “troublesome” child I was. I was told I was troublesome all my childhood, eventually I started acting the part because I was told this. I am doing the opposite with my son (for the most part). Also, when he acts up I feel like I am a bad mother as I never look at myself as the motherly type (compared to others around me) so his acting up makes me feel like I am doing him and his younger brother an injustice.
    (Sorry for rambling)


  183. I’m so grateful for this episode! I am a therapist as well and I specialize in working with teens and with people who suffer from anxiety. These concepts speak to the way I work with my individual and family clients, and I can’t wait to read these books. The work that you’re both doing is so valuable and I’m glad that your voices are speaking to the world from NY while I’m over here helping people in Los Angeles.

    On a personal note, I’m aware that I get triggered when I try to do too much at once. I practice being present in the moment with my clients, but when I’m in front of my computer doing the business side of things, I let myself get overwhelmed. This is a great reminder to be patient and loving with my inner voice while I help others do the same.

  184. P.S. I am a parent specialist too and I so appreciate both of your loving, empathetic, and direct approach to parents – and relate to the relief that they feel when they have permission to honor their inner voice! SO true!

  185. Marie, this is the BEST video I have seen! Thank you for making it happen.

  186. Wow I loved this interview!
    I don’t have kids but would like to have some in the future so I was intrigued enough to watch this. And boy am I glad I did!
    I related to so much of what she said – from the whole perfectionist story to appreciating you being in the part of your journey that your meant to be in.
    And totally agree these pointers can be used in all relationships!
    Great stuff – thank you for this you fabulous ladies! 🙂

  187. I’m so glad this episode resonated with you. You’re so talented and have been able to turn traumatic experiences into ways to help others, though I’m happy you’re listening to your inner voice and following your new dreams. We’re thrilled you’re in our world. 🙂

  188. Ahh, Marie! This is such a great show. Thank you for sharing this wisdom!
    Showed up at the best time in my life. 🙂


  189. D

    I’m binge watching my Marie TV shows you’re the best!!! I need to rush out and get Dr. Shefali’s books. I have 2 children and need to step out of their way. wow…

  190. This post immediately caught my attention and I’m loving Dr. Shefali’s book The Conscious Parent. Every week Marie TV inspires me. It’s amazing how her topics always resonate with my current experience. Every episode feels like it was made for me. I appreciate you Marie TV. You give great value and I adore your playful and funny personality. LOVE the outtakes!!!

    Michelle – The Comfy Mom

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Michelle! We love knowing these episodes are landing at the perfect time for you and that they seem to always resonate.

      Thank you for tuning in! 🙂

  191. Ella

    Stunning lady, totally resonated with ever besutiful word and clear advice, i could have listened to her for hours. I have a really really determind 3 year old. Strong physically and mentally. With her everything is about negotiation. Is this the right way forward. Playing it her way? It’s so difficult to know if I’m ‘spoiling’ her or holding her to true to her beliefs! Help!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for tuning in, Ella! Have you checked out Dr. Shefali’s website yet? It looks like she has some incredible resources that might help you find some techniques and helpful thoughts to support you and your lovely, determined 3 year old:

  192. “The race to nowhere” brilliant sum up of this perfectionist view of success. Thank you for this Marie. As a parent this is a fantastic resource I’ll be coming back to.

  193. monica ann stockall

    This is so spot on for me right now! Yesterday I left my husband after almost 6 years together due to his alcoholism. My biggest intent right now is to be an emotionally stable, gentle, mindful and conscious parent to our 15 month old son. One of my biggest triggers is without a doubt my husbands drinking. It creates such a wall, a separation between us, leaving me so alone and isolated. I am just beginning to understand how that separation is really happening within myself. The wall is not between he and I, it is between me and my authentic voice. By hearing what my inner self is saying, I can finally hear my need and longing to share my body mind and soul with someone else withing the safety and respect of sobriety. Though leaving him makes absolutely no sense in a rational way, and though temporarily living at my mothers house and raising my son alone with no current financial autonomy and stability (b-school is so going to change that very soon though!), I have never felt so proud of myself and successful. I am fully honoring my sacred authentic voice and have never felt so free. Thank you Marie and Dr. Shefali for reminding me of what I already know. So much love to the both of you 🙂

    • This is such a crucial realization, Monica. I’m so glad you listened to your inner voice and did what’s best for you and your family. I know it wasn’t easy, so please know our hearts are with you during this challenging time and that we’re proud of you. <3

      • monica ann stockall

        Thank you so much for your kind words, Mandy 🙂 xxx

    • Angela

      Thank you for your bravery in sharing Monica. Your words and wisdom and courage are so profoundly inspiring. Really truly amazing. Your depth and strength and wisdom will carry you through. Be kind to yourself. Your son has a wise mentor at hand. Be proud of you. x angela

      • monica ann stockall

        thank you so much angela for your kindness and compassion! your words reached me with perfect timing as i so needed this extra encouragement today. sending you much love 🙂 xx

  194. Tijana

    as soon as I saw the title, i knew the interview must be with dr Tsabary! My favorite author of parenting books and an inspiration! My triggers are now when my toddler is repetitively asking for hugs from me. It’s even silly to write this out because, who doesn’t want to spend all day hugging their own child?! Perhaps I need to find ways to give myself that love first, that attention I wasn’t given when I was my son’s age… And to put that in practice is definitely a major challenge for me!

  195. This was such an amazing video I decided to do a blog post about it. I’m an Interior Designer who also teach my clients how to design their life further than just their home. I was so inspired by this video I decided to do a blog post on the subject matter. Thanks Marie & Dr. Tsabary for bringing awareness to this very important yet often underlooked subject matter.

  196. Angela

    This video I called a life changer, a game changer. I posted it everywhere available to me. The dynamic between the two of you was so guided, inspired and the words that came from Dr Shefali I felt were from another source. Just so profound. I have both her books and have followed you both for some time, but still personally for me this video is one I’m going to repeat watch deliberately to grow, love and learn. It made me want to be a better version of who I am. Detach from ego is the way forward for me. Play by my rules. Love myself and follow that inner wisdom with my children and let them have theirs. so inspired… rant over lol

    What triggers me is not being seen and heard by my children. I claim I can’t be around them because their emotions trigger me too. I recgonise this purely as my inner child, my wounds and my inability to self sooth or self regulate in healthy ways. I don’t cope well with my own feelings, so I don’t like it if they have theirs or aren’t ‘happy’ as my mind deludes me they need to be. In my learning and growing I realise there is a deep need for self-love in me. I am working on loving myself, filling myself up so I don’t need to be heard or seen by others, a human condition of course as a way to be validate. I accept that. But still it is important for me in this lifetime to validate myself, know my own worth. Give myself time and space to be me, to do what i love, give to myself, fill me up, so that i don’t go looking for those things to be fulfilled by my children.

    Its all about balance, of course it is. We want our children to be people who listen to others and hear and see others. But it is not their job to save me, love me to completion so I feel worth. It is not their job to help me with my emotions. I understand more now than ever, that as a single mum of two boys raising them with awareness is key. I love what they said in the video ‘Authenticity becomes the pillar of the family. Worth. Self inner reflection. Self-introspection. Self-orientation. Not goals of money, status or attainment for worth. My two beautiful boys will hopefully grow (without my expectation or condition of love they do of course lol) they’ll grow to see an empowered women who loves herself and who takes care of her needs. I don’t need to be loved or validated by a man or anyone else, because I am when i love myself. BEST VIDEO EVER.. I LOVE IT. THANK YOU. I appreciate all your work and love and shares Marie team and Dr Shefali. Nameste

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insights with us, Angela. I can tell you really enjoyed this video and that it spoke straight to your heart. I love what you shared about how you want your children to see as as an empowered woman who loves herself and takes care of her needs. In some ways it’s like what they tell you in the safety demonstrations on planes–put your own oxygen mask on before helping others get their oxygen masks on. If you take care of yourself first, you’re better able to take care of others.

  197. Marie,

    I get so much out of everything you produce, but this video was just TOO GOOD not to comment on or share! It really hit home with me. You two were speaking my story! I have beaten myself up my whole life. I was always the one who put the most pressure on me. Something I developed as a young girl due to my external circumstances. Just like they say in the video about the middle school girl, I created external markers of identity to validate my sense of self and used to think that if I didn’t meet all those markers, I had failed. I used to think and feel NOTHING I did was good enough, that I wasn’t good enough. I wanted to change and fix myself.

    Since 2006, I have been doing the inner work but it hasn’t been until these past three months that I have done intensive inner work (with Love Coach – Catherine Hummel). I can tell you that I feel a HUGE shift in myself. I have come into myself. I have come into my body for the first time ever. I am learning to set boundaries, how to have balance, how to treat myself with compassion, how to be vulnerable and know that these are all BEAUTIFUL things. And, I have learned to LOVE myself. The truth is, there is NOTHING wrong with me, and I am GOOD ENOUGH, just as is.
    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this video!

    PS – website I provided is not up yet – coming soon! by Sept 2015 is the goal date!

  198. Jaskirat

    OK can anyone explain to me, when we figure out what’s bothering us why we react the way we do in certain situations , what’s next? if it happened to you in your childhood how to take care of it or what to do let go of it? I m really confused with things in my life , hard to understand my own life

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      That’s a great question Jaskirat. What will work for letting go of old habits and patterns will differ quite a bit from person to person. Sometimes simply recognizing that we have a negative pattern or habit of some kind is enough to help us start to make positive changes. For other people, especially those in more difficult situations, it can sometimes take professional help to overcome traumatic events.

      One great place to learn a few tips for changing habits is this MarieTV episode with guest, Todd Herman:

      Talking to a friend or family member you really trust can help you find clarity as well, so you might find that helps too!

  199. Chrissy

    For me, it’s thinking about things like my non-relationship with my dad and that need I have for him to accept me and show me love. Maybe that is just what I need to give to myself:)

    • Chelsea - Team Forleo

      Absolutely, Chrissy — so glad you’re tuning over those desires and looking at them from a new angle and in a new light. That’s powerful stuff and enables such growth.

  200. Kendra

    I get to trippin when my old man
    says Im not sayin somethin that I am.
    He mostly says I’m sayin somthin that Im not.
    He’s all poor me and she-ot
    and then I aint got no mo time fo listenin.

    I get to feelin red HOT
    or at least and eye rollin, icy cool.

    Seriously, like, Why do I, like, care what he thinks so much?

    Be cause I do. Because I want him to LOVE me and I want him to know I love him too.

    A: I guess its calling forth in me…
    To find me inner voice related to this topic. My true voice in this situation until MY connection to mySELF is unshakeable, unmistakable. That I am so clear about what I want and who I am that I can have enough space for clarity and compassion, in those moments too.

    Peace Out,
    word to the motha, Motha Marie that is.

    & thanks to Dr. T too, for following her inner voice and turning our paradigm on a dime. There is great love here for you.

  201. Q:

    When a parent acts out in frustration/anger, to the child- is it SOLELY due to prior childhood pain? Even though the frustratioms are so real, say 5 kids (throwing food, arguing, and repeating a question 359 times in a row)…?

    Isnt it also a lack of the parents ability to self-control, and to step back, and take a beath?

    Thank You,

  202. William W. Wagner

    This was a great topic and Dr. Shefali Tsabary has really impressed upon me that we should re-experience through reading or listening to those lessons that are available to us to continue to remind us how to do what we know we ought to be doing. I really liked her admission that her daughter praised her after Dr. Shefali read some chapters of her own book.

    I am a father of four adult children. I started very young. The thing that used to set me off is disrespect and lying. I did not tolerate one of my kids being disrespectful or lying. I never attempted to challenge them over and above the normal daily events. However, when I saw one of my kids being disrespectful to someone that did not deserve it, I became the intolerant beast that would demonstrate to a higher degree what disrespect really was about.

    I’ve been blessed and fortunate that all of my kids grew up well and are all great people. My biggest concern now is how they raise their kids. I have four wonderful grandkids and one on the way. However, when I watch my kids interact with their kids, sometimes I get squirmy as I think they are going to generate results that are not necessarily they are aiming towards.

    How do I deal with that?

  203. Kristin

    Wow – this was a really good interview! So much that I can relate to.
    “Every relationship takes you back to yourself if you take the invitation” – this is where I am at the moment. I constantly find myself reflecting on my personality or others, after meeting other people…
    I definitely look for dr Shafali’s books and find out more.
    Thank you Marie, thank you dr Shafali!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Thank you so much, Kristin! We’re so glad you checked out this episode, and I hope you enjoy Dr. Shefali’s books too 🙂

  204. oliver rojas

    There is a great dynamic going on between you and Dr. Shefali during this segment. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you also for having a broad perspective on who is among your audience so that we all benefit from one another’s differences.

    Dr. Shefali… is most definitely a positive person and her ebullient positivity show’s thru in this interivew.

    The parent child dynamic. Authenticity. Worth. Self-Direction. Inner- Dimension. All valuable to traits to internalize. The looming dark unconscience. It’s triggering.

    Vocabulary is beautiful when used to define dynamic ideas and quintesseital child and adult rearing practices.

    Dr. Shefali Quotes continued:
    “Be in stillness”
    “In a loom’.
    “Juices our life’.

    “Do you in all your conciousness, in all your chaos, in all your madness”

    “No thyself”

    What triggers my ego is when people ask “Why I am still single”, “Why am I not accomplished”. Very painful questions to hear and answer.

    This triggers in me a need to put forth addiitional efforts to reach personal objectives and quash any negative thoughts that might get in the way.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this episode, Oliver. Dr. Shefali is an inspiration to us all!

      I’m sorry to hear people have been asking you painful questions–I know that’s not an easy thing to have to go through, especially on a regular basis. Trust what your heart is telling you and follow your gut on reaching personal objectives. Remember, personal objectives are personal; they’re for you, not others and others’ time lines don’t always match with yours.

  205. I love what Dr. Shefali left us with, “We’re failing to listen because they house the wisdom they need to manifest their own greatest destiny.” This really resounds in my own heart that I have everything I need, but for the children I’ll have one day as well. I think I’ve been raised with more of a mindset that you speak just to the children and don’t allow them to even voice what they think is best for their own life. Great video full of lots of practical take-a-ways.

  206. Angie

    Thank you Dr Shefali for giving words to my whole existence. I do not have children but have been & will continue on, on the inner journey… working out on the inside that is. Its a lifelong fitness discipline… no gym, no classes, just learning about and strengthening my inner being. Thank you for reminding me to accept my own process and wherever i am at any point.
    And Marie, just as huge a thank you to you for gifting all that you do, to our journey. I bow in gratitude.

  207. Archana

    Brilliance personified indeed with all its humbleness.

    I have been following Dr.Shefali for a few weeks now and every video is an eye opener.

    My trigger
    My husband’s laziness, unhealthy behaviour…unclean habits…rudeness….non participativeness….disregard to family…disconnection to self n others….

    My son when he is always complaining about hw boring his school is or why thr r no more gadgets n freedom

    My need to keep things clean
    My need to interact
    My need to be loved n be loving
    My need to value others around
    My need to find meaning out of life
    My need to be heard
    My need to enjoy
    My need to be free
    My need to live in abundance

  208. Oh my god! I totally forgot about this interview, but just watched it again! Dr. Shefali is brilliant and I love how her philosophies resonate with you Marie, and how you engage in this conversation! I feel like you identify with all of us when you show lots of yourself in interviews with all these brilliant and insightful people. It really deepens everything. This interview is my absolute favorite. Pure chemistry.

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