Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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Sometimes in life, our greatest strengths can also become our Achilles’ heel. Especially when it comes to our drive and focus at work.

Being ambitious is awesome. But constant connectivity through smart phones and social media does make it challenging to disconnect.

And left unchecked, being in “work mode” all the time can wreak havoc on your relationships.

Both the masculine & feminine must be brought into consciousness. - M. Harding Click To Tweet

In fact, a few years back, it caused some serious problems for me. And while it’s something that requires consistent awareness, I can say I’m 1,000% better at shutting down than I used to be.

That’s why I wanted to answer the question about what I personally do to mentally and physically change gears once the work day is done.

Because no matter how much supposed “success” we achieve in this world, nothing matters more than being truly and deeply connected to the people we love.

That also includes yourself. Because in order to hear your own inner wisdom, it’s vital you stop listening to the static from the outside world.

Now I’d love to hear from you. Do you ever find it challenging to shift out of “work mode?”

Whether you’re of the male or female persuasion, what strategies do you use to shift between your masculine and feminine energies?

I’d love to hear what’s worked — and what hasn’t — for you too in the comments below.

As always, thank you for reading, watching and sharing with such heart and specificity!

Your contribution helps thousands of beautiful souls who come here each week to get insight and inspiration.

With all my love,

XO

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163 comments

  1. This has been a powerful shift for me in the past year. Unplugging at the end of “office hours” was eally awkward at first. My family wasn’t used to me having free time, so I was standing around looking for something to do. It actually forced me to not rely on other people to help me disconnect.

    Now, I have a bit of an unplug routine that starts when my youngest comes home from school. I unplug in stages, and by the time my husband is home, and it’s dinner time, I’m in full-on family/me-time mode.

    • Hey Lisa,

      The “stages of unplugging” sounds like it could be a great book! What sorts of stages do you go through?

      –Lucy

      • Lucy,

        When my kid gets off the bus, I hand over my laptop to him. He gets to decide whether we play a game, or if he’s got homework or wants to watch an episode of Minecraft on youtube. He “has the keys” for an hour – which forces me off the computer. I need to be done with whatever I’ve been working on when the buss pulls up out front.

        Then, I spend time reading or prepping for dinner, or something else decidedly NOT online (like raking leaves this time of year). By the time my husband gets home, I’m completely detached from the electronics, and my job is usually a distant memory. I even slide the laptop into the “keyboard tray” of my desk so I can’t even SEE it. 🙂

        • I just talked about this to my coach this morning. Actually unplugging. Slowing down, and taking the time to recharge! This was totally the universe collaborating to get this to me! Thanks Marie!

        • I love these stages, Lisa! Thank you for sharing.

          Not only are you saving your sanity, you’re modeling great technology behavior for you son!

        • Lisa,
          I too love the idea of easing off, starting when the kids come home. Step one for me is to allocate less work into each day in order to be finished by 3pm. I still seem to plan an 8 hour plus day and then get frustrated form 3pm to 6pm.

        • Hey Lisa,

          That’s awesome! It’s nice to have those trigger points to (you’re kid getting off the bus, hubby getting home) to help with the routine of unplugging.

          Thanks for sharing,
          Lucy

        • When I get home I like to have a few mins to myself with my mala beads and do a round of meditation. Afterwards I find that Im ready to tackle whatever I have to at home 🙂

          Eventually though, after I put my daughter to sleep – Im back in word mode!

    • soph

      “[r]eally awkward at first. …, so I was standing around looking for something to do.”

      Thanks for sharing this.
      I see a lot of people struggling with this-either the fear of this and thus putting off-for years-making changes they know in their hearts is what is next for them or when in it either being harsh with themselves or being unwilling to sit in/be with the discomfort.

      Thank you for doing your work to make it possible for you and thus easier for others.

    • Nancy Torres

      Out of site out of mind….
      One thing I have done is leave my laptop at home and when I have to work from home I will close up my laptop where it is not visible.

    • I’ve always tried to listen to an interesting podcast on my way home that has nothing to do with work like “Stuff You Missed in History Class” Or “TedTalks”. It causes an abrupt change that is interesting enough to divert my attention. By the time I get home I feel more energized, and I often have more engaging and spontaneous conversations with my wife that have helped us grow closer.

  2. I definitely struggle with this. One of the things that helped me out a lot was when I final turned off receiving email notifications to my phone, ever. When I’m at work, my laptop is open and I check email at regular intervals so there was never a need for me to have them coming to my phone anyway. Then when I leave work, I definitely don’t need alerts when someone writes to me because nothing is really that urgent that it needs to disrupt the time that I relax.

    What I’m still struggling with is really feeling like at the end of the day I shouldn’t just keep working. I know the work will be there for me tomorrow, but I’m so excited about what I’m doing and where the business is going that I just want to keep at it sometimes and I feel guilty when I try to relax. Any thoughts on how you get past that feeling?

    • Hey Lucy! It takes practice and awareness but it’s important to pay attention within and make the distinction between times when it’s is *best* to keep going (why squash a genuine creative flow?) and when you want to keep going out of habit, fear of missing out/fear of intimacy or straight up digital addiction. If you’re genuinely super fired up about something and have passion and energy that you can’t contain (i.e. it’s going to burst out of you, it feels joyful to go work on it) — then by all means, keep creating. Honor that flow! XO

      • Ah yey- that is what I was thinking, Marie, as I was considering how to respond, about my non-9-to-5 work pace… and you describe it so well, above.

        My work schedule is also partly masculine, with organisational/ web-based/ self-publicising aspects, and partly feminine, with my expressive work/ writing/ painting and making things with my hands…

        It is good for me to have awareness around the balance between these two energies, as the masculine, linear, organisational aspect tends to take over, especially the more concerned I am about cash-flow! Then, I get stuck in one mode, and try to cram as much ‘putting it out there’ as possible into each day-and I get clogged up in my head!

        Better results usually come from my having a strong ‘container’ of organisation and practical stuff, so that the creative flow is held safely inside that- the give plenty of time too for those spontaneous creations to come into being.

        Creativity without discipline/ structure doesn’t go far, in my view, and vice-versa!
        🙂

        Thanks so much for the fab video, Marie- and I adore your dress especially much today- love how it compliments the flowers! <3

        Clare x

      • Thank you Marie for that! I will be paying attention to whether it feels like I want to keep going because I’m in genuine creative flow or because it feels habitual and I’m afraid that I’m not doing enough.

        Blessings to you,
        Lucy

  3. lol!!!!!!! “Got yoni” and rubbing silk on the hoohah???!!!! I’m. Done.

    I think cues are important. Like relegating work mode to one area of your home. At the very least, not allowing it in the bedroom. eg. no laptops in bed. I’d call it space association. It takes a little bit of time to train yourself, though.

    Luckily, I can slip into chill mode very easily. I’m a candle girl. Doesn’t have to be a drawn out sensual experience, just a candle, some silence, and incense. My problem is shifting out of relaxed mode!

    • Ha ha – I hear you Emelia! Something to experiment with: stay *in* relaxed mode and create from that space. Could spark some cool breakthroughs.

      • Awesome idea, Marie! I find myself wanting to be in “relaxed mode” nearly all the time and feeling guilty that I’m not actually working. But if I’m honest with myself, I’m MOST creative and open to intuitive ideas when I’m feeling chill. I think I need to redefine what “work” means to me, and I’m definitely experimenting with your idea!

    • LOL! “What about satin?…” <— that cracked me up the most. Marie, you never disappoint, and neither does "airplane mode" :).

    • miranda

      Emelia, I love the idea of space association, and I am super jealous of your ability to get into chill mode easily! I vaguely remember once having been good at it, but these days I’m glued to the computer. The thing that saves me is having a dog. We got a puppy by accident a few months ago, and all the walk breaks are a fantastic enforced pause (with bonus exercise). I’ll definitely try the space association though – at the moment I’ve a sofa in my office and notebooks in the bedroom, so it could help 🙂

      • Hope it works for you, Miranda. Getting hold of those subconscious cues may help. Love the idea of puppy breaks. 🙂

    • My laptop is not allowed in my bedroom either, Emelia, and the brain-training that did is so so helpful!

      Some nights, when it’s way too hard to stop working, I just go into my bedroom and my “rule” forces me stop working!

  4. Hi, Marie

    It’s very interesting to notice that we have masculine and feminine energies even in our work. It is well known that entrepreneurs (especially in the more creative fields) have to switch from thin to thick skin to be successful. Now THAT asks for even more practice, I find.

    As for the “switching off” – it’s all about making a decision that I have to stop, and not letting the body to tell me to, as that message is usually more unpleasant (nobody wants to be sick in order to get rest).

    The way I do it these days is to set time in my schedule for non-work activities: fitness, reading, romance, sleep.

    What I noticed is that I always respect the fitness time, because the daily exercises take about an hour, so I feel that I have to do it, otherwise I’m cheating. And, since I started to see results, I am really motivated.

    The sleep slips the easiest, so I’m working on that motivation, though

    I’m still learning 🙂

  5. I’m still learning how to unwind, and I love that you bring up both masculine and feminine… Sometimes in my work I feel super masculine because I’m in CHARGE, and I am the decision-maker, and I’m the BOSS.

    But after work, my cats and my husband pull me into un-work mode. Also, playing music acoustically pulls me into the present – no matter where I am, no matter how hard I’ve been working!

    Bang on a drum – that always works =)

  6. Love this video! What works for me: we have an unplug time in our home from 6:30-9pm during the weekdays. No screen time for me, my husband or my daughter. It’s super hard those first 10-15 minutes. But if I let myself, I’d be on the computer all day long. Unplugging at a set time gives me space to clean-up, casually read a magazine or book, cook, or just connect with my family since we’re all unplugged at the same time.

  7. I make sure I schedule a hike or some other “Turn it Off Time” every day. And as a huge Marvin Gaye fan, I will now be hearing your “Let’s Turn it Off” tune in my head to prompt me to get my “Turn it Off Time.” Thanks so much again, Marie!

  8. I’m usually pretty bad about getting away from work mode, but I FINALLY did last week for a whole day and it felt sooooo good! I even got a mani/pedi (which I never do unless I’m with a friend!). While I was getting my nails all cute, a woman came in with her home office. She couldn’t relax-she was on the phone, computer, etc and it was horrible. Well, I felt bad for her. I was so glad that wasn’t me that day. Taking a break really helped me come back to my business the next day feeling rejuvenated. I plan on turning it off more frequently now. It can be hard when you love your work so much, but it’s so important!

    Thanks for the reminder, Marie!

    P.S. Looooove your dress!!!

  9. Jen

    Ooooh this is a good topic. I’ve battled this one personally even though I’m mostly in person, one on one seeing clients, it’s keeping up with the social media, blogs, tweets, thousands of ideas that creates my “inner chaos.”
    What works:
    *Set limits for social media (instagram, facebook, twitter). Meaning, I try to post, then only check it later in that day or the next day if I posted at night to reply to comments vs. checking every 5 freaking minutes.

    *Technology/digital detox: When I start feeling overwhelmed, anxious, spastic, unable to focus. That’s when I know I need to cut it all off and meditate, 3-15 minutes to settle the mind and disconnect from what we al think is real life.

    *I’m still guilty to checking stuff at night when I’m supposed to be spending quality time with hubs…it’s a work in progress. Going to bed together at the same time has helped.

    Thanks for the reminder Marie!!!!

  10. Terre

    I do this by once home, put on my comfort clothes, go to the meditative space I have created in my home and meditate into the present moment. I keep a to do list for home and begin checking off those things that have to do with home, whether its my quilting, crafts, cleaning, shopping.

  11. I have always felt that disconnecting from work mode is critical for my sanity even back in the day (aka the 80’s) when working ridiculous hours was the in thing to do.
    To make the shift I teach fitness classes in the evening. While technically still a job since someone pays me to do it, for me it’s fun. It’s physical, takes all my mental focus, and shakes off any sitting I’ve been doing all day. By the time I’m done work mode is pretty much crushed! And yes, my kids are grown now but I started teaching when they were 5 months and 3 years old.
    On any days I don’t teach, I walk the dog and water the plants. Taking care of something else works wonders for me.

    • Hey Laura! You gave me great memories of teaching classes – thanks for that 🙂

  12. Marie! That was an awesome perspective; balancing the feminine and masculine energies – turn off the masculine, turn on the feminine.

    Self-care with pure Plant & Tree essences does it for me! Rose and vetiver will awaken the feminine in a heart beat! Inhale it deep girlfriend!

    And, yeah, I do sit by trees on the woo-woo mountaintop!

    Great, super feminine dress btw!

    • Awesome for woo-woo mountaintops 🙂

    • As Marie said, different strokes for different folks; nature always helps me. “I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” ~John Muir (1838–1914)
      I believe the masculine and feminine needs to be balanced, but, the Yoni holds a sacred place in my heart.

  13. Rachel

    My biggest struggle with this isn’t taking phone calls or checking email, but rather being distracted mentally. I find myself working out problems in my head while I should be connecting with my kids or practicing dance moves (yes, I AM a dancer) when I should be slowing down to have some quiet time before bed with my husband. It’s really hard for me to stop thinking about something I’m inspired or passionate about, something that is new and exciting, or even stressful/needs working through. It’s like I’m addicted! Can anyone else relate?

    • Hey Rachel. I can really relate to this. A few things that have helped me tremendously:

      1. Daily meditation – it’s mental training like no other.
      2. Practice – give yourself room to talk through things (exciting, stressful, etc.) and then at a certain point, surrender and let go. Consciously give them over to your subconscious. It’s built to solve and work through things while you sleep.

      This NY Times blog gives some great insight- especially important for you as a performer.

      http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/10/16/want-to-ace-that-test-get-the-right-kind-of-sleep/?_r=0

      • Thanks for the tips, Marie. Meditation is a cure-all. Although I’m not a pro just yet, even only 5 minutes can help me relax, refocus and release negative energy.

      • Rachel, I’m just the same. I can lie in bed until the wee hours of the morning with my brain flooded. Marie, “Consciously give them over to your subconscious. It’s built to solve and work through things while you sleep.” really resonated with me. The article you posted is excellent and very interesting. Thank you for that. I’m a complete night-owl and when my husband is traveling, I’m worse!

        I must make time for meditation and learn how to do it properly. I’m one of these who feels I have to research everything thoroughly to be sure I’m “doing it right.” Letting go is most certainly something I need to practice. Otherwise, I just don’t stop.

        • Chaya

          I so relate to this it is crazy. I can work through problems in my head and am so addicted to doing it that it’s hard to stop and turn off that brain/topic and go to sleep or take care of my family. Like once i get into computer mode or problem solving mode making dinner goes off the table. I’m also super passionate and like to see things through and get them done by yesterday so super hard to turn off all that entj in me. But I’ll try the turning off everything and lowering the lights to create a calm ambiance to stop thinking after work hours. The problem is i work two jobs 8-6 and then i start the second one so there really is no time for it all. Sorry for the write up. In short i love your advice and find if t always awesome. Thanks.

    • Rachel, try meditation! And yes, there’s an app for that. Check out headspace.com — really well put together! xo

  14. This video made me Smile 🙂
    I work with my husband so our obvious strategy is just to NOT talk about work when we are at home. ‘How was your day Honey?” doesn’t exist… I already know how it was, maybe Good, Bad or Ugly, but whatever we need to talk through workwise needs to be kept at work & stay at work ! Most things can wait until the next day and sometimes just quietly sleeping on it gives you a different perspective by morning. I definately notice with him that he is so chilled at home, not having to re-iterate whats gone on in the day. I know I’m more focused at home with the kids, cooking a meal and generally just chilling. It feels a lot more spontaneous as we generally are more clear headed, maybe not so after a few glasses of Red 🙂

  15. SO IMPORTANT!

    Especially, for those who work directly with others. As an Empath, it took me a long time to be able to ‘punch the clock’ and say it’s now ME time.

    Disconnecting not only from work and clients but from Social Media as well. Social media keeps you energetically connected and since I run my business on social media – I had to learn how to ‘unplug’ from there as well.

    Self-care is not an option 🙂

  16. That’s a great tweetable: “Because in order to hear your own inner wisdom, it’s vital you stop listening to the static from the outside world.”

    I LOVE what I do and most of the time I don’t consider it work yet disconnecting (especially from my computer) helps me refuel + refresh and I come back rejuvenated and even more creative!

    My best ideas come when I’m not working so I value my time away from my business! Time off makes me more productive!

    XO

  17. I make a point of closing down completely by closing my laptopwhen it is family time and removing it from the family space. I also try not to use my phone while I’m in the passager seat of the car, either so my husband feels that I am present with him.

  18. Thanks for this video, Marie!

    I live in a small apartment, so it always seems like I’m going through the office to get to another room. Every time I saw my papers, daily planner, computer, etc. all over the desk, I would just get sucked in and start working again.

    So I bought the kind of writing desk that folds up. When I’m finished for the day, I bung everything in there and close the door. Done!! I don’t have to look at any of those work reminders until the next day.

  19. Linda

    This is quite amazing advice! I had no idea what I was feeling until now. I was the work junky until I met the most amazing person…then my work began to suffer, I felt terrible for neglecting my work but could not identify the problem!
    Tadaaaa!
    Reverse from what you suggested; I have been portraying the butter on toast, night and day!! I now know what I need to do…I need to reconnect with my masculine side during work hours!
    Thank-you Marie, that was great advice.

  20. After adopting my first dog I realized the walk in the morning and the walk at the end of the day were the perfect parentheses around my work schedule. I had beings depending on me for their comfort and wellness, and being around animals really brings out my feminine side.

  21. Great video Marie!!! And love the butter and toast tip, never would have thought of that but I can see how that would help. This past year I have been very mindful of shutting down more.

    Some things I’ve put in place are turning off notifications on my cell phone – no FB, Twitter, Instagram, or even email notifications so I don’t get that *ding* every time something comes in. That way I can allocate time during the day to check my email and social media.

    I don’t work on weekends… there are times when I will but I’ve learned to manage my time better during the week to give myself the weekend off which I really enjoy. Plus my man works M – F so I like that we get to have the weekend together too. I try not to touch my laptop at all during the weekend and I’ve also shared with clients what my “office hours” are and that I won’t be responding to emails on the weekend. This has made a huge difference in the amount of energy, creativity, and focus I have when it comes to Mondays.

    Also at the end of the day, I tend to do a quick 2 – 3 minute meditation and breathe out the entire work day from my body and mind. That does the trick for me.

  22. When it’s time to comeback to me, I make something, go out take a walk, come home have a tea, deep breathe, just starting consciously to slow down and just not open my computer anymore for the day.
    And every day I shut down my computer 2 hours minimum before my sleeping time.

    The tweetable is really a good one

    Ps: you’re dress is fantastatic

  23. Something I have found works really well for me and I suggest to my clients is transforming your work strengths into “home/leisure” strengths

    For example… If you LOVE researching for work then switch the gear into something you find enjoyable just for the sake of it – I taught myself to crochet and quilt this way!
    Another example – if your work requires you to assertive then find leisurely activities that allow you to be assertive – many sports and outdoor activities can have this quality (or even some hobbies)

    I feel that for many of us in this field we are working from our hearts and therefore there is not always a definitive line of work and play… So it feels so much more natural when we are using the same skills and strengths that we use in our career at home but from the point of view of pleasure and leisure
    I find I have so much MORE fun and feel that much more connected to my hubby and family when I don’t feel like I have to change I just apply my skill sets in a more playful way 😉

  24. Petra

    Turning it off – such a great reminder and one I need! I so have a tendency to leave the computer on in the evening and go check it out every now and again…. When I do turn it off the quality of my relationships improves, my mood improves as does my awareness. I have been thinking about this a lot recently and since last week started turning off every day at 6pm. It is bliss! Why did I not do this earlier??
    Thanks for sharing so much great advice Marie – you are an inspiration!

  25. Hi Marie, thanks a bunch for this! It’s super timely as I have been struggling with this lately. I’ve been working way too much so this is more validation for me that I need to step back a bit. I’m actually taking a few days away with my family to head to Phoenix and relax in the heat and sunshine. I think it’s just what my soul ordered. I also live near the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada so when I find that my mind is in overdrive, I head to the mountains. There’s nothing like fresh air, rivers and forests to help me de-compress and re-charge my batteries.

  26. Hi,
    I have an interesting and perhaps unusual situation. My partner and I are lovers and we co-create a healing/empowerment/coaching business together based in our house. As you can imagine, this can create HUGE challenges with business/work life! We have been growing our business for 9 years and the strategies that work are:
    1) no business talk in the bedroom – if we have to have to, then we create a tent with our hands & arms (sounds weird but it works) and speak under it just for a moment and when the tent goes down, we stop talking biz.
    2) the main floor of the house is dedicated to business. 2 offices. One room for private sessions. One room for large group gatherings. Sunroom and kitchen in back where we can have a cuppa anytime of day!
    3) upstairs is our “oasis” consisting of a play room, bedroom, bathroom and creative room.

  27. Marie, I love that you are talking about this.

    This has been an unseen necessity for me for 20 years. I spent those years constantly mentally distracted and working non-stop. Within the last two years the effects of that non-stop masculine exertion finally showed up physically in a complete muscular shutdown on my right side and complete weakness on my left side. Even with that screaming “pay attention” to me – I’m talking to you, physical response, I still have to constantly implement strategies to shut it off and really take things in vs. putting things out or all of the sudden my physical response will insist even if I don’t. Talk about a reminder.

    These are some things that have helped me.
    I have my office lights set up on a wemo and they are scheduled to turn off at 6p. So even if I get lost in my world of work the lights instantly remind me – it’s time and I also shut off all things that connect me to work.

    I loudly, second Marie’s suggestion of meditation. It has changed my life by training my brain and my breath to be less frenetic.

    At the end of the day I have taken to brain dumping what is in my mind in a notebook for the next day. This way I don’t spend all evening nodding at my husband while not hearing a word he has said because I am trying to remind myself not to forget something.

    And finally, what works for me in the moment when I become aware I am getting all busy in my brain with striving for some future thing, and not listening to anything around me I do the following – I internally say “breathing in” when I breathe in and “breathing out” when I breathe out. It zips me back to the present moment. It’s a practice. Sometimes it’s done 50 times in 20 minutes but with practice the space of receiving connection gets longer.

    I am a walking example of not consciously devising a plan to minimize and balance the exertion accompanied with achieving will, at some point, show up in other ways and insist attention is granted that you allow time to be filled up instead and poured out.

  28. So true! I wrote an article this week on a very parallel topic – the whole balance between responsibilities and LIVING. My whole mantra surrounding this is that “I work to live – not the other way around.” So – when it’s time to turn it off – that’s when you actually get to truly tune-in – to others, to your own inner awareness, and to simply BEING. Gotta love it!
    Check out my mindset shifts if you’d like – over on my website, The Vitality Lounge (.com)
    I’d also love to hear what everyone’s biggest challenge is regarding this shift. I share mine in the article as well. Cheers and happy relaxing!

  29. Lenah

    I have really slow internet and can’t believe watch videos unless its midnight to 5 and that not healthy to stay up that late. Especially hen your trying to unplug so do you have a reader friendly version so ppl with slow net etc can read it and start working on what we need to do….and by the way when I unplug I put all my electronics on the counter to charge andturn them off and spend the rest of he evening with my family…vwryone gas to do this or they get charged a dollar every time they do they touch there technology….TV is going next….;) I have slow net and if you use it it gets slower so I just stay off besides for bills etc…now a days and same for cellphone charges for net uaasge. Outrages!!!

  30. This is definitely something I’ve struggled with. We all know that availability and responsiveness is everything when it comes to getting new clients. But at what point are you so available that people almost lose respect for you? I used to work Saturday mornings, 9am to 1pm. So that was 4 appointment spots I had open for people on a Saturday, which I thought was pretty generous. But what I found was that by having those spots available, I had people demanding that I also be available on Saturday nights and all day on Sunday. In other words, those Saturday spots were being taken for granted. When I limited my hours to just Monday through Friday, I found that my clients became less demanding and more respectful of my time overall.

  31. The one simple trick I use for going from “work mode” to “home mode?”

    TAKE OFF MY DAMN BRA!!!!

    The beautiful flipping motion of slipping my arms out of that over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder is such a beautiful transition from work to home, that I feel like all becomes right in the universe at that very moment.

    In fact, sometimes when I’m at work, all by myself, I give myself the most wonderful gift, and ditch the bra, and then I’m ready to bust out some articles and research.

    That bra has got to go!

    Cheers,
    Amy

  32. I love that song… Let’s turn it off….ohhhhhh babay!

    I am so struggling with this lately. I bring my laptop with my everywhere and it’s getting out of control.

    I use to finish my “work” day at a specific time and then spend one hour getting out of “do, work, logic” mode and into feeling and sensation by putting on music with no words (classical or jazz) or just meeting up with girlfriends to talk about fluff (no work or serious topics.) over tea or a walk.

    I need to start that back up again.

    Building my business is sooooo satisfying and it’s just getting momentum so when I get into moments of focused creativity, I sometimes just ride that train til it ends.

    Seems to have a natural ebb & flow.

    But I do want a little more balance too!

    Thank you for this reminder, Marie!
    xo
    Carla

  33. Kelly

    Totally perfect for where I’m at in the world today both physically and mentally. I just watched this while on my last day of vacation in Sarasota. My husband and I were taking a little time to check in with the world before hitting the beach, unplugging and being present for each other! Thanks Marie. I’m grateful for you and your message.

  34. Absolutely love this one. Years ago I used to be a workaholic and sometimes I still have to catch myself and consciously switch off from work. It’s the downside of being very excited about what we do I guess! Now I have created what I call a ‘Freedom Calendar’ where I schedule Fridays off and make myself go do fun stuff so it’s not always just about finishing work to do the next job or to be available for others.

    Hope that helps and thanks for the inspiration as always Marie.

  35. Hi Marie, MarieTeam, and fellows readers,

    Very important topic! I am definitely a workaholic. I find when I ‘turn off’ it takes a while to get back ‘on’. This part can be really frustrating as I feel that I have to start all over again.

    I just finished working on something that caused total burnout. So I was forced to do nothing and to take some time off. Doing nothing requires full surrender. I’ve been watching a lot of movies and going for longer than normal walks with my dog. It’s Fall, so there is motivation to go out to enjoy the nice weather while we still have it.

    * Get a dog 😉

    It’s an evolving learning process to maintain priorities, to refuel, and to keep the momentum going. I have ‘no computer’ days, take long walks outdoors, and get into nature for a few hours. Connecting to nature is so grounding. My dog is a serious part of me having a routine. There’s the stares to go out and when it is time to eat, and the loud sighs at night if I am up too late. My dog can be very dramatic with his sighs. lol

    * Mantra: I am my #1 investment

    I keep in mind the mantra: I am my number 1 investment as a business owner and this means self-care, investing in my wellbeing, the core essential to my life coaching practice is me. Without a healthy me I would not have a healthy business.

    * Time management is key

    I’ve been focusing a lot on working effectively in less time and to make sure my health comes first. Time management is key. Time limits on activities are key. I have come to realize that the big ticket action items are the ones to do to keep moving forward.

    The ‘non-negotiable morning’ has really helped to make sure I do invest in myself. Still working on the ‘non-negotiable evening’. Suggestions welcome!

    The non-negotiable morning includes coffee, meditation/centering, yoga, and walking my dog. I devote 2 hours to this before working for 4 hours straight until I make lunch. Even when I was working a full-time job before I got my dog, I realized that if I just went into my day without giving to myself first, there would be nothing to keep me going during the day, I’d be giving all of my energy away *during my best hours* and have nothing left at the end of the day. Not a way to live. So I started to get up early to do some of the things that I wanted to do for myself. I developed a new appreciation for getting up early that included watching the sun rise. Some days this was the only time there would be sun all day. So I treasured that morning sun.

    * Routine is key

    Having a routine has been key: self-care, meals, and dog walking. I see these as the core framework to build everything else around.

    * Priorities come first

    I learned long ago that the phone calls, emails, etc. are not for my convenience but for someone else’s. So I schedule when I will check those messages and that checking comes after other priorities. This is non-negotiable for me because I do not want to work with scattered energy.

    The same goes for social media. Unless I have something very specific to do related to social media, I stay away until all other priorities have been met. Social media time is scheduled for end of day when everything else is done. There are times when I do get lost. I am somewhat addicted to information so one thing leads to another. When I recognized that this was a productivity and energy drain that was not giving back, I had to make a decision and get serious about how I am using time.

    * I check in and ask questions

    I weigh tasks and become more deliberate about what I am doing. I ask myself, is this really what I want to be doing right now? Will this task help me move forward and is it in alignment with the person I am becoming? Would a successful business owner do this?

    * Mindful & deliberate desicions

    Turning off is a decision. It does take some energetic steps to let go and to reset for the next segment in the day. So in between tasks it’s good to have that energetic release of what you are moving away from and to be mindful to be fully present for the next segment. To set some intentions for the next segment. It’s a practice that becomes routine.

  36. I’m a bit of a workaholic. I do it to stop myself from facing my emotions. I loved these tips and will certainly use the turn it off one!

  37. Andrea

    But Marie, I’m too gluten and dairy intolerant for that butter on toast metaphor. Just kidding of course.

    Thank you for making this video. This topic is #1 in my life at the moment. As a hard charging, go getter, I’ve been neglecting myself and my personal relationships. After some soul searching I realized that I felt an unreasonable obligation to give, give, give to my biz without regard to whether or not I was actually enjoying the journey.

    My rules for positive engagement at home at the end of the day are taking 20-30 minutes to meditate or just take a power nap and put my phone on the shelf. I noticed my energy is brighter and I’m less anxious about relaxing.

    Much love!
    Andrea

  38. Fabulous topic Marie! Thanks for your super easy smart strategies! Loooooove the simplicity of #1. It’s exactly what I do. I always unplug at the end of the day and on weekends. Plus I made a conscious choice not to add email and social media to my iphone because I value my inner peace. I also prefer face-to-face communication since talking on the phone or texting limit our true self-expression. The path to a fulfilling life comes from being a wise investor of your time and energy 🙂

  39. I love this topic! I think it’s sooo important, especially for those of us who have the flexibility of working from our laptop, anywhere we choose. We bask in the freedoms we’re benefiting from, but sometimes don’t realize what we’re giving up.

    Two things that help me:

    1) Have designated times to unplug. For example, our whole family is off electronics from Friday evening through Saturday evening. It allows us parents to disconnect from work; plus, it models disconnecting from electronics and reconnecting with live humans for our kids.

    2) Set a timer for work. I learned this from a business coach when I was first starting out. I had three little kids and needed a hard number of hours that I needed to work a day in order to get my business up and running. Each morning I would set my timer on my phone for two hours, and know that when the timer rang, I had accomplished a meaningful chunk of work. Anything more was icing on the cake. If I took a lunch break, went to the bathroom, needed to pick up a sick kid from school, etc., I would stop the timer and pick up when I returned.

    Today I work way more than two hours a day, but each day that I remember, I set my timer for the number of hours I feel I can reasonably work that day, and when I complete them, I feel accomplished and free to unplug and take off my work hat.

  40. File this under “It sounds too simple to work but it really does”:

    Since I live alone, and don’t have a packed social calendar at the moment so I can focus full-force on my business, I often find it hard to shut things down at the end of the day. There are no “family time” obligations that compel me to stop working by a certain time, so I just keep working. Consequently, I was working til at least 9:00 pm every night, all day Saturday, and for a couple of hours on Sundays as well. I was feeling weirdly agitated from working all the time, then I started to experience some minor health issues, so I started getting acupuncture treatments.

    After a 3+ hour initial conversation, my acupuncturist told me that I don’t have enough balance in my life (among other things), and that was causing some of the health stuff. (Completely agree with this!) He made a few wonderfully effective suggestions, one of which was to “close the book,” as he called it. Meaning, whatever to do list or calendar or whatever thing I use to plan my work days, I was to turn it off, close it up, or otherwise put it out of site at the end of the day to signal that work time is over and it’s time to relax and unwind.

    I can report that I’ve been doing this for the last 2+ months, and it’s worked surprisingly well! I have a little lined journal I write my daily work tasks in, and I now close it most nights by 6:00 or 7:00 pm. Once it’s closed, I feel like my work day is actually over, and I can move on to other things without feeling compelled to keep working.

    I know it sounds too easy and too simple, but it’s really helped me stop the madness of working late every night!

  41. Pam

    Hey Marie, great topic! I’ve become a tourist in my own town. It’s not only helping me disconnect from work, but I’m generating lots of new ideas that I bring to my job. Recently, I went on an evening ghost tour, something that’s been on my ‘to do’ list for over 13 years. I’m exploring new shops and restaurants (even grocery stores – we just got our first Sprouts) opening up and going to seasonal events like arts festivals, etc…I’ve heard people in NYC say they’ve never been to the Statue of Liberty, because they feel like they can always do it. Well, make a date to explore your surroundings – you may be surprised who you meet and what you learn, and you won’t be thinking about work!

  42. Love your video. Great discussion.

    …but I have to take a bit of an issue with some of this.

    The idea that working is about “masculine energy” is a bit sexist? If I told women that they need to tap into there masculinity to be good at their job I would be called sexist. I’m just saying if a guy read a transcript of that, it wouldn’t sound so good.

    The weird part is that I take a bath every morning to get ready for my day.

    Keep up the amazing work.

    • Even as a woman I totally agree with you Brad. To me this has nothing to do with masculine work mode vs feminine relaxation – there’s simply nothing gendered about work vs play at all and to suggest there is makes all kinds of sirens go off in my head (and every other capable woman I know as well would boggle if they watched this).

      I do think however that it may be partly “lost in translation”. Eastern philosophies attribute certain behaviors and modes to yin (VERY poorly translated into English as feminine) and others to yang energy (VERY poorly translated to masculine) but they are not equating feminine to female nor masculine to male. It’s understood that both types of energies exist in ALL people, in nature, everywhere. It’s just an expression of opposites.

      The idea that one is being manly at work and girly at play makes no sense to me either and is exceptionally sexist but I’m hazarding a guess this is not at all intentional but a result of oversimplification of ideas that do not come from the West, therefore there aren’t exact words to describe the concept in English, just (really bad) approximations. That happens pretty much anytime concepts cross cultural/language lines.

      Aparna Dasgupta

      • I’m glad it’s not just me. As a man, I still get great stuff from Q&A Tuesdays…even though I’m not the “target”. I felt bad putting my negative feedback on this great site.

        The “lost in translation” feedback is pretty interesting.

        • Angela

          It’s not just you Brad, the energies part of this video didn’t sit right at all for me. I think there is probably a whole lot more to it in terms of the problems Marie was having and how she overcame them – but without telling us the whole story it doesn’t make much sense.

  43. Leslie

    Marie,

    I don’t know how you do it, but it’s like you are a mind-reader. I was literally about to automatically answer a work email at 11:45pm when I spotted your Vlog in my inbox and watched this. And after I watched, I said to myself “hands where I can see them . . Back away slowly and Step away from your inbox girl!!”

    In all seriousness I do struggle with this. My smartphone is like a third arm and I live in a studio apartment so I don’t have a separate home office (yet!!) being creative I often have lightbulbs for my business or marketing ideas going off late at night. I’m starting to try to just write down all my ideas by hand in a notebook and then decide to send off my notes or feedback to my business partner the next day via email, instead of that night.

    The problem is some of my collaborators like to communicate over text instead of email and even if it’s 9pm I feel guilty not answering them because I know they’ve been working their day job all day and haven’t had time to reply until then. Or I don’t want them to feel I’m ignoring them. But that doesn’t work for me because then the conversation continues and I’m already struggling to establish a more normal sleeping pattern so I can stay healthy! Perhaps I need to keep responding via email the next day until they get the hint.

    My mama always said “teach others how to treat you” so I’m trying out putting my phone on “do not disturb” after a certain time. But I still need to practice the discipline of not checking it! However to make it easier I’ve set certain contacts as “favorites” such as my sister and parents so my phone will still ring only if they call in case of emergency.

    When I’m really feeling digital burnout I delete all social media apps off my phone for a few days.

    I also found Marie’s Vlog suggested writing out hour by hour schedules really helpful for someone like me who often works from home. Including scheduling my morning yoga since it helps me get my head in the right space and just balances me out. .

    Love your stuff Marie! “Bridge job” has become a common term between me and my friends. I’ve passed on that Vlog to many people! You have a fan out here in Asia!!

  44. I struggle with this one as well, but you’re right, just turning everything off at the end of the day is probably what works best. What has also helped me is bringing more feminine energy into my business. Some of the work I do requires me to be fully in touch with my feminine side, so whenever someone asks me for an intuitive reading, for example, I have to do whatever I can to return to a state of balance. For me this usually means: self-care! What also helps is playing and having fun (being in child mode, which equals having a good balance of masculine and feminine energy). Sometimes it is hard to stop though, especially when I get really passionate about what I’m doing. Fortunately, my partner is very forgiving and understanding, which has helped me let go of a lot of the guilt about “working too much”. I also find that we balance each other out really well whenever one of us needs some help to let go of fear, built up emotions, etc.

    Thanks once again for everything you share Marie! Your videos are awesome!

    Lots of love,
    Anna

  45. I’m off for a slice of crispy toast with melty butter . mmmmmmm! a lovely one to FIISH THE DAY ON ! cx
    Thank you
    cx

  46. I have an end-of-day routine that works wonders for me… I shut down the electronics then hop into the shower and literally wash the day off. No matter how stressed out I am when I get in, I’m always better getting out. I climb into bed clean, calm, and ready to chill.

  47. This is a great topic! I love it altogether. This is one of my favorite topics. This is how I switch from masculine to feminine: Playing a game of soduku or minesweeper helps me get all my competitive energy out of the way in a mindless way, it takes just a few minutes, then I put everything out of the way, put on my lavender body lotion (maybe after a shower/bath) get dressed and go outside.

  48. Paula H

    I got this quote from Anya Hindmarch i use as a mantra “When you leave work at night, mentally quit your job and come back the next morning as his successor.”

  49. YES! This is seriously the perfect video for me right now. I am in the final stages of launching my new business this new year and I find my self having more and more difficulty logging off and shutting down my work brain at the end of my workday.

    I am working hard networking and building new relationships online that I find myself cutting off personal time with my most important relationships offline. My family. So like Marvin so eloquently put it, “let’s turn it off.” This has been the number one trick that’s helped me end my work day. Turn it off, and put it away in a different room. Even my cell phone. If I can’t see them, I think about them less and can focus better on what’s going on around me. It’s makes all the difference.

    Thanks for such a fun and relevant video to kick start this Tuesday!

  50. This may seem weird but to shut off from work mode I play the drums. It’s like this weird transition from that mind frame into a whole other where then I’m able to give attention to other things

    -Jamie

    • Not weird at all Jamie! I’m not very good – but I love a good drum circle jam with friends 🙂

  51. Kathy Everett

    Sometimes ‘dressing Down’ might help. Take off the jewelry, switch to sweats and dungeries (sp). So if you ‘turn off’ all your electronics turn off your MOUTH.
    Only let it OPEN if non-work info comes out. Plus the BIG ONE…A millionaire
    salesman CEO once said that your brain needs rest time (business or otherwise) to soak up what it has been given. It actually needs to go inward
    so it can work in a creative way to come up with answers and solutions and
    creations for your work; so WORK AT THAT.

  52. I can totally relate to working and not being able to shut it off.

    Starting 2 months ago, for a month and a half, I was going none stop. No breaks, no weekends, no nothing… well, expect for my morning 20 minute meditation (which I think kept me sane enough to endure this craziness for period I did).

    What I did:
    1. Take a step back – re-evaluate my “To Do”s and prioritize

    2. Give myself permission to slow down – everything does not NEED to be done today.

    3. Meditation – I was definitely not the WOO WOO person (until I was…lol). However, my growing meditation practice has given me space and clarity to make better choices for myself. When I stop and slow down – I find that much more opens up for me.

    I hope this helps someone 🙂

    Brandy xo

  53. This one had me cracking up, between firm and stiff butter, and rubbing satin on my who ha followed up by strokes for folks I think I was in full on immature mode while listening >< BUT great advice as always. My brain is always running full on at 2 am. Hopefully I can get some toast around then to turn it all off. Thanks!

  54. Madeleine

    Seriously Marie. That was hysterical. and you are absolutely right. I turn it off. In fact I have turned off all notification type things on my phone and computer becuase I feel they affect productivity as they are constant distractions from being able to fully focus.
    Also working in 90 minutes Jam sessions is unbelieveable. So much gets done when I can tune it out. then you feel like the day has been absolutely productive and worthwhile. and I can turn it off

  55. Hi Marie! Thanks for this video. I’ve worked on unplugging earlier this year and made leaps and bounds with lots of areas in my life – especially my sanity. I’m your typical Type-A person and just dilly-dallying around freaks me out. But on the other hand, I have so much stuff on my plate that I started dropping EVERYTHING left and right. Not to mention I keep forgetting everything, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and keep feeling guilty that I can’t handle everything. Then I started getting into the phase where I’m so burnt out that I don’t want anything to do with my life, feel exhausted all the time, only want to sleep, started getting behind on everything, and my confidence was in the ultimate LOW.

    So, started scheduling some “me time”, unwind, tell myself at a certain time I need to sleep, switch my emails to personal emails during off-hours, and just spend quality times with my man. A wonderful thing happen… I became creative at getting things done more efficiently, have an incentive to get things done faster, laugh at life again, get a confidence boost, and dream about what I want to do in the future. What a difference!

  56. Oh Marie, this one’s super important, thank you! I finished my grad degree this summer, and so since September I’ve been very focused on building my business, Vibrant Voice Technique, and I’ve had a seriously hard time turning it off. Trying to work on rituals so that my workdays don’t become 12 hours long!!

  57. Wine. Cider. Champage. Margaritas. Those are four sure fire ways that always help me turn off!

  58. Hi Marie & Team Forleo,

    I loved this week’s video! This is such an important topic for me. Just a few years ago, I was working in investment banking in London (way before I discovered B-School and decided to become an entrepreneur :)).

    In order to be successful in this fast-paced, male-dominated environment, I confess that I took on more competitive, aggressive behaviors. Without even noticing, slipped a bit too far into my masculine mode.

    Needless to say that was playing havoc with my ability to attract and
    sustain a satisfying loving relationship. I was inadvertently emasculating the men in my life. (Not very sexy!)

    When I finally realized that all I needed was to reconnect with my femininity, things rapidly shifted in my life, particularly in the love department… I actually wrote a blog article about it, if you’re curious: http://www.elsaalexandra.com/the-single-biggest-mistake-smart-women-make-in-relationships/

    Long story short, what strategy did I find to help me shift from a more masculine to a more feminine energy? I started practicing something called The Art of Feminine Presence – a body of work created by my mentor Rachael Jayne Groover.

    Enjoy Xxx

    So what did I do to shift from my masculine to my feminine energy? I learned to connect with my body through The Art of Feminine Presence,

  59. Great vid! (As always…)

    I love the message. For myself, this has never been much of an issue. I find it easy to leave the office at the office. That being said, I’ve gone in a different direction with my work. I’ve spent a few years setting up a situation where I can work whenever I please. There are occasions when a project has an imminent deadline, but I tend to steer clear of those. I always work remotely, so on any given day I can listen to what my body is telling me for when I should get work done. If I need to sleep in, I sleep in. If I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, I do some work until I get tired. If I am bursting with energy in the morning I plow through.

    I’m very lucky (and I know it!) that I do not work in a situation that calls for obedience to a schedule. I would make a horrible farmer, or stock trader. So, not everyone can work the way I do. With that said, if it’s possible to work when you are up for it, I highly recommend it.

    Those are my two cents. 🙂

  60. Belinda Chiera

    Thanks Marie – a great episode as always!

    Two comments:

    1. I now have “Turn it off” going through my head to the tune of Taylor Swift’s “Shake it off” (very catchy song that) and

    2. At the risk of looking really dumb, for some reason the whole butter-on-toast metaphor bypassed my brain. Can anyone help me out here? (Usually I’m fine with metaphors … maybe this is my brain’s way of telling me I need to *turn it off, turn it off off off*)

    Thanks 🙂

  61. I have a hard time getting out of either mode. If I’m really caught up in “work work work” its hard for me to stop, relax, and get out of that mode. At the same time, if I’m in my “I just want to relax and read a book by the beach” mode, then it can be hard at times for me to get motivated and started doing things again.

    For me, I feel like having a weekly schedule to go by helps a lot. Going out to do some yoga or read after doing a ton of work helps me get back into the feminine. At the same time, having deadlines helps give me the urgency I need to get back into the masculine as needed.

    Great post, Marie! 🙂

  62. Judi

    MMMMM good…Butter on Toast….great metaphor is “many” ways…even for the gluten sensitive! LOL

  63. The reason so many of us find it difficult to ‘turn it off’ is because we are driven by and stuck in the part of the personality called the Pusher – and, yes, it is a masculine energy in that it is always active. Here’s a short article on it with practical suggestions on unhooking from it and accessing more easily other parts of yourself (the butter!): http://www.voicedialogue.com/article-balancing-the-pusher.htm

  64. Gonna try that butter on toast tip! Thanks Marie 🙂

  65. TIP: The FEMININE is creative energy. Without it you create nothing. Make all your BUSY-ness creative. It’s the stodgy left brained masculine that needs to rise up to meet the creative feminine high vibes. Be creative at all times…why create two boxes?! Create away.

  66. As a Life Coach and Intuitive Card Reader, my “work” stays with me a lot, whether mentally or emotionally, even when I think I’ve turned it off. Sometimes a grilled cheese sandwich helps or Dancing With the Stars, but I’m still working on drawing those healthy boundaries and letting it all go. Whoosh!
    PS Marie, I love just about episode but I have to ask…who is that man in the tuxedo behind you? It’s probably really an black and white abstract but to me it always looks like a rather rotund man in a fancy black suit jacket standing behind you against the wall….your guardian angel?

  67. I guess Marie doesn’t control the way a question is asked, but I’m still surprised by the judgmental way some people talk about stuff their is just not them. “I’m not one of THOSE, hippie woo woo people who listen to ocean waves”? No, it is not a condescending way of talking about others at all.

  68. Oliver

    Hello,
    Thanks for segment on shutting down .. etc.
    I am a gay straight man. I do not normally shift from this state. It does not vary whether I am stressed or relaxed, it’s me. It’s just who I am.
    As for shutting down work I have no theories.

  69. // Having goals, planning them out and being able to see them in a yearly wall planner or monthly planners (both in my case!) work a treat. I don’t find myself fussing over “so much to do” when I can see the timeline they all fit into.

    // It also helps to come to terms with the idea that you will never. ever. get everything done. There will always be something else to do, so don’t aim for empty inbox or a clean to-do list, rather spend 30 minutes at the end of your day planning the next one.

    // Bonus tip… when you spend time enjoying life, you get better ideas because you have no resistance, and ultimately your online business benefits greatly from that, so consider “time off” and playing as letting the Universe do her job to help you out.

    Woo-woo? Wouldn’t have it any other way. 😀

  70. J

    A woman is feminine and a man is masculine. I’ve seen nice creativity in both in either relaxed or busy mode. Note our bodies r only able to hold us up for so long!

  71. J

    So yeah, pace yourself honey. ☺️
    Thx Marie

  72. Kevin W.

    The shorter videos are MUCH better than the longer ones Marie!

    I think it’s healthy to be flexible and if you are really enjoying something then keep doing it. Why force yourself to stop if you don’t want to?

    It is healthy to take a break at times, get some fresh air, stretch your eyes.

    As a guy I try to be more masculine. Make decisions, be more dominant ect especially with relationships. With work and being creative I listen to a lot of classical music and I feel it helps me.

  73. Balancing the two is a daily and evolving process. Staying relaxed is key (I saw that earlier in the conversation) and I’m learning to relax around those times of intensity when I’m super jazzed to talk to a new client or a lot of creative mojo is flowing through me. It’s a dance but its possible and necessary to keep the creativity flowing.

    I also recommend using a “capture tool” so that you don’t have a ton of psychic ram running all at once (you don’t want your brain to overheat and go into rainbow wheel spiny mode). Anytime you think – oh crap I’ve got to do that, write it down (on a google, word doc, notebook, sheet of paper). Make a date which you’ll do it by and the first step to taking action. Cross it off when you complete it (that part feels the best1). This new tool has kept less spinning in my head and helps me to trust myself and that it doesnt need to all happen at once.

    One trick that helps is timing myself and giving myself 30 minutes to do one task, then switching gears. Some how the container of using a timer just really works for me. I’ve trained myself to be off the computer by 9pm (Recovering from chronic /adrenal fatigue taught me the not so fun way about the need for downtime, staying relaxed, saying no and energy management). At night, I turn my phone on airplane mode. I don’t turn my phone off airplane mode or turn wifi on until AFTER I do my morning writing every day. My writing desk is in my bedroom which has a weak / no wifi signal which helps. My work desk is in my home office where the wifi signal is stronger. Having the two seperate “work” areas has helped prime me to know – ok this is my “creative / right brain / writing zone” and this is my “work on my business zone.”

    Also, for those more feminine ladies (I tend to air on that side). When I feel my “masucline” side slipping – I reach for some Steven Pressfield and go Pro on myself. (I totes recommend Turning Pro, I find it to be more fierce than War of Art).

    A few more tips – is to use Self Control

  74. Whoops. Submitted that to soon. Self Control is an awesome FREE app which puts the lock down on distracting sites – you have to password code it. The best part is is that even if you shut down your computer and restart it – its still locked in – so you really cant bs yourself!

  75. Hey Marie & all gorgeous ladies here , I struggle with this so much because I feel like I am in this working mode all the time. Plus feel uptight when my husband wants to discuss anything because my mind is buzzing on other things. Or when my 2 year old son wants my attention.

    What would you suggest about switching off mentally? I feel even though my phone is off, or at times when I am in the movies, I am constantly doing work in my own mind. 🙁

    • Hey Neha,
      I’m similar to you in that I’ll be thinking about work pretty much any and all the time. I find FULL immersion in something new is the only way I snap out of it. Being extremely mindful of the moment you’re in helps. You can do something simple like close your eyes and inhale slowly for x counts then exhale for x+2 counts. It takes a lot of concentration to keep your breath in count! The upside is that this is also really relaxing and will reveal to you where you hold your stress (physically). Once you’ve done this, apply a similar level of focus and mindfulness to talking to the husband or playing with your son. Engage them, ask questions, give yourself permission to give them your complete attention and you’ll probably see them react really positively to the new attentive you. That bonding and rush of amitie will be enough to motivate you to “tune out” work and “tune in” to them regularly.
      Hope this helps!

      Aparna Dasgupta

  76. Hey Marie, I like that, but how about this problemo.. You have no problem turning off but the other people in your life are unable to… now that’s a bit of a drag.. especially if you mention that they are not switching off or have an addiction to their devices… OUCH.

  77. Hi Marie,
    thanks so much for this video – it was great! Hubby and I both work at home, but have separate businesses (sitting side by side as I write ;-)) and it makes it really difficult to “log off”. What we (try to) do is work during the day-time until the kids come home from school and then again when they go to sleep, except for weekends and one date night during the week.
    Lately I have started running – without my phone – as it gives great energy and new perspectives on the things I currently are engaged in.
    Loved reading all the different aspects and ideas here in the comments!
    Veronica

  78. Great video Marie and love your dress! F

    From this you could just notice in your life what activities feel buttery for you, which ones feel like toast and which ones feel like burnt toast.

    Then work first towards binning the burnt toast!

    For people wanting to read more about masculine and feminine energy Alison Armstrong writes about it and David Deida.

  79. As I am building my business I do find it difficult to shut things off and give time to my daughters and wife. One of the things that I do is get out of the house, go exercise, or work on a hobby. And when I do this I involve my family. That way they draw me out of it, or I can talk to things that are weighing on my with my wife.

    Hope this helps. Thanks for the videos they are great.

  80. I have a different unplugging problem – most of my work is completely hands on and away from a computer. I run a mascot costume business solo and the majority of my day is spent drafting patterns, sewing, or sculpting. When I’m “done” working, it’s SO hard not to carry things to hand sew home with me, brainstorm ideas, or adjust things I’ve worked on during the day.

    This sounds redundant, but one of my major hobbies is sewing things for myself! When I go in the studio to work on personal things and I see the work project sitting there it’s hard not to grab it off the table and start working on it.

    • Rachel, as a former fashion designer I totally know what you’re talking about! Thing is, if sewing for pleasure makes you happy, isn’t stressful, and is not keeping you from doing other things you want to do, then it’s really not a problem – perhaps others call you a workaholic, but do you feel like one when you’re sewing for pleasure? I still deal with this – I run a startup consulting firm by day and often enjoy creative writing for pleasure yet despite how different these things are I’m called a workaholic – why? Because even my hobby is *creative* which most non-creative folk equate with creating –> producing –> productivity. Anyone who makes you feel guilty about your creative productivity is saying more about themselves than they are about you.

      Aparna Dasgupta

    • Apologies, misspelled your name Rachael!

  81. I like to think of work-life balance in terms of work-life integration. We are multi-dimensional human beings and as women, we are constantly juggling our work and family life.

    As business women or busy professionals we need to stay focused on our WHY. Why are we doing this? Why are we working on this project? Why are we talking to this person? Why are we giving our energy to this situation?

    When we are reminded of our whys, we can then work and live more consciously and therefore integrate the things, people, and activities we need to be balanced and grounded.

    I am so passionate about this subject that I am actually building a web and mobile task management and project planning app that reminds our customers of their why when they take on a new project.

    Get your beta invite by clicking on my name.

  82. I used to struggle a ton with this. I’m still not great about emails late at night, but I usually determine I won’t send emails when I’m out of work mode (I’ll start determining that more tho…).

    What I do that (generally…) works for me is have a set time that I stop working, which for me is 8 PM. At that time, I leave my work and go rest. Though there are times I let myself work over if I’m on a roll…

    But generally at 8 PM, it’s a good time to wind down, I’ve got plenty of time left for friends and me (we are late night people), and, honestly, my work efficiency goes down noticeably (1 hour for a 15 minute email… yeesh).

    8 PM also keeps me from “doing it later” because I’ve only got until 8 to work. It’s lax so if I need to work over I can, but so far it’s been fantastic for me.

    I also determine that I’ll take a Sabbath day where I basically lounge around all day. Maybe that sounds weird, but I’ve found it keeps me accountable for working the other days and for me is necessity to recharge. It’s usually a Friday or Saturday.

    • I do the “off day” as well! Saturday I give myself permission to do nothing all day, guilt free, as a trade off for working a LOT the other 6 days of the week. It’s really energizing for the rest of the week, and I’m ready to roll come Sunday, getting personal/home affairs in order so I’m set up for a productive week which often starts Sunday afternoon (great way to alleviate the whiplash of Mondays).

      Aparna Dasgupta

  83. My main problem is that I’m a night owl who doesn’t turn on until after noon, and my husband gets home from work at 3 p.m. during my peak productivity hours. While he’s ready to relax at that point, I’m ready to do stuff!

  84. I LOVE your work, Marie Forleo!

  85. Butter on toast got a big gaffaw laugh from me (probably a bit of spit on the screen but small price to pay) – thanks for that!

    I go natural – get outside – plants and animals are a fab fix for my ‘rushing woman syndrome’ symptoms.

  86. Hi Marie,

    I am really, really keen on not having a cell phone. Well, I do have one but I shut it off from virtually the whole day. I also check Skype once every few days, if that, so I force people to contact me through the internet for the most part. This simple strategy has both grown my business by leaps and bounds and has also kept me sane.

    I work, then I get offline to enjoy our world travels. I don’t stay plugged in at all. This morning, we’ll work for a little bit then stroll through the rice fields of Ubud, Bali….yep, we’re 2 blocks over from the villa where they filmed the movie “Eat Pray Love” ;), so it’s a gorgeous spot. We’ll work for a few more hours, then off to lunch.

    We always schedule 4 or more hours – usually more – for play time, and since we’re enjoy our work more each day, blogging, writing for clients, and publishing eBooks, we’re establishing greater balance than ever Blogging from Paradise. It takes some work, mentally, and some detaching too, but it’s OH so worth it to get the balance thing down pat.

    Thanks Marie, tweeting and Pinning this post from Bali! I’ve bookmarked your blog and look so forward to future updates.

    Ryan

  87. I have the opposite problem. I always make it a point to focus on my personal life and make time to relax and spend time w/my partner and with friends…sometimes at the expense of my work! Out of fear of being a “workaholic,” I feel like I’m at the opposite extreme.

    Any tips on how to get my balance back in the OTHER direction? How do I tap into that masculine energy and focus?

  88. Marie, you never fail to surprise and impress! What a really surprising episode, but also surprisingly relevant – as always! (And yes I’m aware I used the same word 3 times already).

    The ‘butter on toast’ concept – yep, a little weird… but after thinking about it I can see my hubby and I have this energetic role reversal issue ourselves, and I’m all for metaphors and visualisation techniques, so I’ll give that one a try.

  89. Hi Marie,

    I LOVE Marie TV and all the great advice & perspectives you give for success. I watch as many as I can. Thanks so much for your program.

    But I have to admit that this one has left me rather confused and thinking, “eh?”.

    What’s mainly got me confused is your reference to work mode & off-work mode as a person’s masculine & feminine energies. I’ve never thought of it like that, but when you first brought it up here, I thought, “That’s interesting. Let’s here what she has to say about that analogy”.

    But, thing is, you didn’t delve into it. So I have to admit, I don’t understand. I presume you mean work mode is masculine energy and off-work mode is feminine energy. But why is that so? And is that always the case – for all jobs and all types of people?

    For instance, what if someone’s job is housewife, normally considered women’s work? Or how about something like hostessing in Japanese hostess clubs where the girl’s job is to act super feminine, subordinate while pouring drinks for the male customers, laughing at all their jokes and being demure & agreeable?

    As for off-work time, what about people who’s way to unwind and detach is to do heavy duty sports like rock climbing or cycle 50 km on winding roads or lifting weights in a gym until they collapse? How can that be considered their feminine side?

    I’m sure you can see my confusion.

    Could you be so kind as to go into more depth about why you equate work mode & non-work mode as masculine & feminine energies?

    And could you perhaps give a different technique besides butter on toast for people who unwind by getting really physical?

    Thanks for your input on this.

    cheers, Lash

  90. Wow so needed to read and see this today-as a professional blogger, it can be hard to switch off but I’m getting stricter with myself! Thanks so much for these fab tips-tonight I’m going to be butter! I’ve also shared this on my FB page http://www.facebook.com/honestmum.

  91. Excellent, as always. Marie is phenomenal! Josh is a very lucky man. 🙂

  92. Liz

    I love your butter and toast tip. Sometimes I work so hard, neglecting the whole family. My conscious starts playing up with me and then I organize a nice little holiday somewhere in the mountains, leaving all cellphones, laptops anything electronic at home. These are great times with my family. Just switching off the work brain and recovering the natural side. It is amazing how your creative brain takes over when you relax.

  93. YES finally someone with practical advice on this subject as I am totally over hearing the other, take a bath, find a mountain and go there as really that just is not practical for everyday switching off. I’m guilty of this but am also looking at moving my business out of my home early next year, into a shared office space so when I leave the office I leave my work there. Once again a top episode team forleo 😉

  94. Brittany Wilson

    I enjoy your videos, Marie. But lately they’ve been so over the top goofy that I find myself disinterested before I can finish watching. I believe in humor and ‘stupid’ to engage your audience but this is too much. It’s too stupid! We’re intelligent people, give us more wit!

  95. Turning IT off is simple- just like you say Marie. It’s just a matter of shifting your paradigm. By changing your thinking patterns you will change your behavior – it is as easy as that!

    PS – I have to agree with Brittany Wilson’s statement above. Sometimes the corny side of your show is over the top. You are appealing to a savvy intelligent audience. Filling in the gaps with these extras is distracting from your main point. I’d rather see shorter segments without the excess. Or if you must, reserve your funnies for the end trailers. JMO.

  96. Since I am an intuitive bodyworker and rarely use a computer I almost never have the problem of shutting down work. If I have 3-5 hours of heavy
    Physical work (a normal day) then I just want to eat and relax and be creative! If I’m not working or teaching or studying something interesting
    Then I’m gardening or walking dogs or doing yoga or creating something or redecorating.
    However…I adore your clothes,hair and fabulous humour and hope to get more interested in business soon! Love you Marie ! Holly

  97. I put my computer away and go workout. Literally I go for a run, lift weights or whatever. Then I come back walk the dog and start dinner. Some days it happens a little earlier than others. For me it’s been a good way to segue my day when I work at home.

  98. I can’t turn my working self off, so much so that I dream with my work and I love it! LOL but a good movie does take my mind away 😉

  99. I LOVE this so much, Marie!

    I try to balance masculine and feminine energy as much as possible.

    A technique that I use is with a visualization called “running the orbit.” Our energy flows in masculine and feminine directions. If I need to get in a more feminine state, I will visualize my energy currant flowing forward, down the front of the body and up the back, over the head and down again. (Always keeping the tongue on the roof of your mouth because your working with your energy’s electric currant.)

    When I need more masculine, I just reverse the process. It is also super helpful if I need clarity and to focus.

  100. Lol, you got me on this one Marie.

    I teach Feminine Embodiment and Sensual Awakening. However, when I’m doing computer work I too need to have a clear switch.

    My favorites are:
    Have a shower and rinse it all off.
    Dance.
    Breast massage.
    Reading a book.
    Shaking. (Osho style, or like they teach in the Shaking ashram in Bali.)

    I guess you could say pretty woo woo, but it works for me! 🙂

  101. BOOOOHOOO I HAVE TO WORK AND HAVE NO TIME FOR LIFE

    well the work-no-life-balance trap for sure is a killer that comes in our lives in a mean and sneaky way. to change this is a hard task, but let me tell you it is really important since at the end it’s not only your health at stake but your happiness.

    it’s ok to love your work but people tend to start using work as a way of escaping from the rest of the day… the private life. for some people it’s easier to deal with work issues then with life issues.

    yeaah I know what I’m talking about…
    sooo… let’s face it… you are not your business and make sure to understand that while you are working your ass of. the world still turns and your life clock still is ticking. make sure not to wake up one day feeling empty and wondering where all that life went to.

    soooooooooooo… what do I do about it?

    a) turn of the damn devices… glad marie put it at number one to (really it works and you will survive it)
    b) leave the house, office (specially people who work at home, consider a shared office space it is so much easier to leave everything behind if you have to leave physically).
    c) get physical… brain is tired and body feels frustrated because all you ever move all day long are your fingers and the mouse on your table get’s more action then you. workout… sweat…
    d) steam bath, sauna… again, being forced by this wonderful and powerful way to let loose and reconnect with your body
    e) hiking… it works for me and sets my mind back into perspective. nature is limitless to me and it always calms me down.
    f) dinners with friends. I looooove food and to enjoy it with friends is the essence of being yourself in the very best way.

    MALE – FEMALE
    I guess marie got enough bashing for that one heheh.
    who cares. at the end of the day we feel what we feel… to put tags on it seems more then silly.

    – oh damn I’m feeling female feelings, I have to stop!
    – my thought’s are so butch today, I can feel the hair growing on my chest.

    one last thing before I grab the cleaning mob (massage therapists always clean urggghhhh)… please ask yourself while you exhaust yourself yet another day with tons of work… WHY AM I DOING THIS. you might be surprised what you will find out, that is if you are completely honest with yourself.

    have a great weekend and make sure to think multisexual 🙂
    Alekos

  102. This is a great episode!

    I find it so hard to switch out of work mode. Something that I’m really trying to get to grips with as early into my business as possible.

    I’ll be making sure I share this with my fellow VA’s in my health and well-being group.

    Thank you

  103. Jo

    Shame that this uses Masculine/Feminine analogies. I would have loved to have sent this to my hubbie but he really is not in touch with his feminine side and would laugh at the analogy. I loved what you meant by this!

  104. Amber

    This is something I really need to work on! I have so many things going on with homeschooling my kids, dealing with housework and cooking, and then my new business.

    It seems like I’m always focused on accomplishing and doing something in one of those areas and I feel so guilty when I just veg out for even a few minutes. The stress I put myself under is actually causing me to have some health issues, and it’s a wake up call that I need to set work hours and learn to shift out of that mode afterwards.

    I think turning all the devices off is one of the best things I can do! Then I won’t be tempted to check anything.

  105. Barb

    Hi Marie
    I signed up immediately for the conf call today and could not get on. Full!
    What happened?

    • Caroline TeamForleo

      Hi Barb,

      I’m so sorry for the trouble with the call today. Please drop us a line over at info AT marieforleo DOT com and we’ll make sure you’re all set!

  106. Hey Marie,
    Great episode and I too fall prey to thinking and acting biz all the time. I have found that going to the complete opposite of biz (like watching Gossip Girl) is my ticket to fun and free. The complete absurdity of cheesy episodics or movies puts me into a world of not biz FAST (even though I can find inspiration for my business in a tin can)! It helps me disconnect quickly. I can’t read biz books anymore before bed as my brain will never shut off vs. But a little Upper East side and I’m good to go. Cheesy but works.

  107. Mel

    Hi, Marie! I really enjoy your enthusiasm and encouragement to everyone. Will you explain what you mean by the “butter on toast” metaphor? I don’t understand. Thank you very much!

  108. Love the basics and how simple you made it! I tend to do the same thing, have a hard time getting out of “work mode”…. I definitely do the turning off everything act. Makes it much easier when it is not in front of you!

  109. I love this so much. I am actually to implement it right away! Thanks for sharing…

  110. Like your video, great discussion, keep up the info. Like them all.

  111. Thanks a lot for this great video 😉 Marie, your advices are useful for all us young people 😀

  112. Hi Marie, Like your video. Hope it helps me a lot. Thanks for the inspiration.

  113. Great video. I’m the guy whose idea of fun is dreaming up business ideas I haven’t started yet. (It’s always so much more fun that way ;)) I’ll have to put this to work.

  114. Hi Marie- I am struggling so much with this now as I am working on making my one person company look and act like a big company. There is always something that appears to need to be done and urgently. I find myself just doing one more thing at 6pm and before you know it I have spent till 11pm at my computer. I don’t end up feeling like I have accomplished enough and this creates more internal stress.

    I started taking a yoga class on Friday Mornings and telling myself that I would take the entire day off Friday. Yoga in the AM and self-development for reading and coursework in the afternoons on Fridays was my plan. I have honored the yoga class for about 8 weeks, so it must be a habit now, but client meetings and deliverables still sneak into the afternoon.

    The yoga class is a great way to center myself. Although I have yet to take an ENTIRE Friday off, I find this changes my perspective and takes some of the self-induced urgency out of my drive to overwork myself. I haven’t been able to fully get to the self-development part. But I, like my business, I am a work in progress and must be patient with myself as I move through this development phase. A real challenge for me!

    Butter and toast, I like the visual and thoughts of toast are soothing for sure. It reminds me of times when I was young and visiting with my grandmother. Thank you for you insights and sharing that you struggle with this as well. Reading others thoughts, suggestions, and struggles make me feel less like I am the only one who has this overwork thing going on.

    Best-
    Becky

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Such a great comment, Becky. It sounds like you’re doing great work, and it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to make yoga on Fridays a habit.

      You may be doing this already, but one thing that popped to mind is adding that personal time in more slowly to make sure it starts to happen regularly. So after yoga you might do an hour or even just a half hour of self-development where you actually add it in your calendar and not schedule other things. Once that becomes a habit, you can bump it up to 2 hours, 3 hours, and so on until eventually it’s just a normal Friday thing.

      And you’re definitely not alone with overwork! It’s a big challenge, especially if you’re running your own business, but taking that time to do good things for yourself is a crucial part of taking care of your best business asset — YOU! 🙂

  115. Work-life-balance.
    These three word sound so decent and easy going, but once you start keeping your foot forward in these, you get to see the real world. I am glad how beautifully you have managed and maintained this. Thanks writer for sharing this with us.

  116. HSS

    Success isn’t riches or money, it is your mindset. Your mindset is more powerful than any money in the world. A healthy mindset can obtain money anywhere it goes, a weak mindset will lose irrespective of what is given to them.

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  118. Hey Lisa,
    Thank you for sharing. That’s awesome! It’s nice to have those trigger points to (you’re kid getting off the bus, hubby getting home) to help with the routine of unplugging. Thank you for doing your work to make it possible for you and thus easier for others.

  119. Brian Tabor

    Great tips, I feel staying connected is key in certain aspects of the business world, but the dangers of over working must always be balanced. You have definitely found yourself a new reader.
    Brian

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Awesome, Brian! We’re so thrilled to welcome you to our wonderful MarieTV community 🙂

  120. It is not easy as you pointed out. Being the kind of person who loves to work and learn, I am always looking towards what’s next on my agenda. Turning that switch off can be quite challenging at times. I think reminding yourself of priorities again and again, perhaps with a quote or something similar your eyes often view, can help.

  121. i loved it

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