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4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback w/ Dr. Cathy Collautt

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Have you ever experienced a setback or failure and had a tough time regaining your confidence?

An actor friend recently confessed, “I had this really, really awful experience on set 4 months ago and I haven’t been able to recover since. The director yelled at me in front of the whole crew. I lost my lines and couldn’t deliver what he wanted. It was a nightmare. It’s like a record scratch in my psyche and I can’t seem to get over it.”

My heart broke for her. She’s experienced and talented. She’s open hearted and self-aware. But no matter what she’s tried, this one creative catastrophe crushed her confidence, and her ability to fully get back in the game.

We’re all sensitive souls. Sometimes seemingly minor setbacks that our minds tell us should be “no big deal” can sink our self-confidence and hold us back from our dreams.

If you, or anyone you know, has trouble regaining their confidence after a failure, you’ll really appreciate today’s episode with the brilliant Dr. Cathy Collautt.

Learn four simple steps to overcome any setback in a healthy and soul-honoring way.


Today’s Tweetable: “Celebrate the effort, not the result.” @cfcphd via @MarieForleo

Now, we’d love to hear from you. What’s the biggest insight you’re taking away from today’s episode?

Or if you’ve been able to overcome a major setback, tell us what happened and what helped you the most.

Thanks in advance for sharing with compassion and kindness. Your story may be exactly what someone else needs to find the way back home.

With all my love and appreciation,

XO

Marie Forleo

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Read the comments or Add yours

Demetria Jackson | Spiritual Coach and Career Strategist for Professional Feminists

OMG! So excited to see Cathy Collautt again. I love the energy she carries and I love the general sense of feeling empowered throughout the entire video. I really love the reframe about seeing success and failure on the same road. Amazing.

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Kristen the Passion Plan Coach

Doesn’t she just have the most powerful yet calming energy?? I could listen to her talk all day!

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Demetria Jackson | Spiritual Coach and Career Strategist for Professional Feminists

I know!! “Powerful yet calming” – that captures her energy perfectly!

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Diana Henry Cachey

Powerful yet calm, good way to look at overcoming “failure” too. I’ve got two powerful yet calming steps to add: (1) Plan to have some fun today. Spice things up when you seem to be taking it so seriously (2) Avoid argumentative or negative people. The armchair quarterbacks have radar when it comes to feeling your low self-esteem and will jump at the opportunity to be RIGHT about your risk taking. NOW, leave those slackers behind and go have some fun!!!

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Rosieteapot

Having some fun is great advice Diana! There are even those subtly negative people too, but they are usually the ones who don’t take many risks themselves.

EDuardo Herrera Jr.

You know i have only seen two episodes of this so far and i would like to write to you of my appreciation for sending me this. :) I also was very “in tuned ” , with both speakers. :) I also appreciated the topic, as i am and have always been facing these…”challenges”( as we all have — just some more un-consciously aware than others) i have found myself doing many things in the void of failure to “move” my energies to another project or idea if the original does not pan out. …Hobbies, but i know that is very difficult and more so in this era of lifestyle that is expected vs, that of which you desire. :) <3

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Louise - Team Forleo

Eduardo,
We’re so glad to have you here and excited that you’ve been enjoying MarieTV so far!

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Shawn Phelps

Donia, just a note to say I know how that feels; the years of relentless struggle, trying to be functional and contribute when just getting out of bed to face another day feels pointless and impossible. And no one except someone else with PTSD can understand.

I jumped in to tell you I see you. I hear you. And there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just your programming from your childhood experiences causing this havoc. It’s not quick or easy but can be undone; I’m living proof. I’m not selling anything to you here. You can read my story on my about page on my website (the dark shit I overcame is hidden in the tab at the bottom ha).

What worked was daily mindfulness meditation mixed with intensive EFT (free on youtube!). It took time but every year got better and better until suddenly shit just started working for the first time. I was amazed when I didn’t wake up full of anxiety and dread. And that happened within the past few months.

It was actually strange because we get used to pain when it’s our oldest companion. The hardest thing for me was asking myself: who am I without this pain? I didn’t know. Now I do. And I can tell you it’s awesome.

There’s still some PTSD lingering but it has dropped from a siren to an annoying mosquito whine. ;) I meditate every day or I’m in trouble. But my life is completely different than it was. I send gratitude every day for the things I’ve learned; because our struggle is our superpower. It’s not something to hide.

You need to know brighter days are waiting for you luv; they want to warm you in their embrace. This is the truth for us all when we clear away our false selves to let our lights shine. You have a special purpose; something of value to share. Don’t you dare give up. ;) xo

Sandy

I loved that insight as well! :)

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Conny

I loved that one as well! And in general, loved the whole video! Thank you Marie and Cathy!!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Demetria et. al.! So glad you’re getting so much from the video! And so appreciative of the love. reframe, reframe, reframe! :) xo

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Donia

Dr Collautt – I have to say that this video actually made me cry. Specifically when you said “Celebrate the effort, not the result.”

As an artist and creative writer who has been struggling, striving, putting myself out there, and “failing” over and over for almost 15 years, it was especially potent.

Oh, the stories I could tell – I know we’re supposed to put on our best face and “fake it till you make it,” so admitting this “publicly” – online for all to see for the eternity of electronic life – feels like I am betraying myself (and my career) in some way, but I also just want to be honest because it’s so hard these days to gauge the reality of people’s “successes” vs the image they’re putting out for public consumption in order to encourage success, etc, etc…

I keep trying because I *have* to (as D.W Winnicott put it so perfectly: “Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide”) but after so many years of feeling like I am spinning my wheels (combined with witnessing other people’s successes after literally just starting out – I celebrate with them and am truly happy for them, but) it gets harder and harder not to look at my own situation and think “What the heck is wrong with me/my efforts??” Even though I didn’t start out that way, and wasn’t thinking that way for years…

***So, some questions for MARIE and Dr Collautt:
How do we know where the line between perseverance and deluded is? How do we reconcile society’s battle cry of: “Don’t Give Up! If you try hard and long enough you WILL succeed” with the fact that in reality, that doesn’t always happen: people can try their hardest at something their entire lives, and live in poverty and struggle (and their work may or may not be recognized after they die, but either way that doesn’t help them and the pain they endure during their lifetime due to poverty (and illnesses that accompany poverty)).

I know this is becoming a “Debbie Downer” comment, but the optimism of my youth has been tempered with the fire of years of failure (and in case you’re curious – no, I haven’t been trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results – I do online and in-person research, and try all different kinds of approaches/markets for getting my work out there, and something little may happen once in a blue moon, but there’s never any momentum that builds, and every effort is like starting from square one.)

Regardless, I LOVED this episode and am really looking forward to reading more of Dr Collautt’s blog.

At the very least, I will try to celebrate my years of effort and not beat myself up over the (lack of) “results.”

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Marie Forleo

Hi Donia,

Thank you so much for sharing with such an open and brave heart. You’re voicing a question that millions of us wrestle with. You’re no Debbie Downer :)

A few questions that may help you find clarity. First, what does it feel like, mentally/emotionally/spiritually if you consider moving in a new direction entirely? Does it feel expansive, like a relief, a wee bit scary but also deeply exciting?

Or do you feel contracted? Does it somehow feel “wrong” to move away from your art?

No matter what you feel, another question to ask yourself: what would need to shift/change/be adjusted in order for you to release the struggle? Would you have to approach your life in a different way? Reset priorities? Move to a new city (downsize)? Something else?

Let us know XO M

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Donia

Dear Marie – thank you so much for taking the time to reply personally. I can’t tell you how much that means in the midst of this struggle when it feels all too often like I’m just “talking to myself.” I’m not just referring to anything online, but also to that quote I shared about artists feeling the need to communicate (while needing to hide) – I’m trying to communicate but there’s no one there to listen.

I definitely don’t feel any kind of relief or release when I think about moving away from my art. My painting (especially my Evocations series), my poetry, and my unpublished books all come from a real need to communicate something. Not from a desire to have the “prestige” of being called an “artist” or an “author” as I know motivates some, nor to be famous (that would actually be my nightmare – I am an introvert and I think part of the reason I haven’t finished several books I’m working on that I really feel need to be out there is because the current paradigm for authors is that they need to be their own salesmen – they need to have a big social media presence and do TV appearances, etc, to promote their own book so people will buy/read it.

The irony that the meaningful output produced by an introvert is then expected to be publicly promoted and cheer-led by the very same person who will somehow magically become an extrovert with all of their appropriate qualities, is not lost on me. And for various reasons – not just introversion – I couldn’t do that with some of my books. So I know I’m afraid to finish them because of that. But I *have* finished other smaller, but still important projects and submitted them (after diligent research) to no response.

But I’m getting off track – the point I’m trying to make is that my need to “communicate” falls on deaf ears when I can’t seem to get my art and writing seen by a wider audience. I’ve tried talking about this with other people, but if they have no comprehension of the creative need for communication, they think I’m just being stubborn, difficult, and I should just “get over it” and “move on,” etc, etc.

I’ve tried moving to another city/state/country, and aside from moving, just visited places in person and online to share my work (when it comes to my art, most places won’t even look at it: “Sorry, we’re full” is the chorus ringing in my ears over and over – and the few times I’ve actually succeeded in getting a gallery to look at my work in earnest, and – oh, joyous day! – they’ve accepted my work, I haven’t been able to make any connections (or sales) because within 2 weeks to 4 months the gallery has closed permanently. I’m not kidding. This has happened to me FIVE times! Which is why I said I can’t seem to gain any momentum and feel like I’m starting from square one each time).

I’ve been watching your blog segments religiously every week since I discovered them back in February (sadly, just after B-School scholarships closed) and reading a lot of the blogs/books that you’ve mentioned to try and shake things up so I can “release the struggle.” But at this point it feels more and more like: finances.

Money is what I “need to be adjusted” to enable ME to get my work out to a broader audience (or rather, be able to hire others to do it for me) rather than trying to rely on this ingrained “gatekeeper” system of the art (and publishing) world which can be extremely demoralizing. (Problem is: especially with self-publishing, if I’m not going spend my time doing my own incessant cheerleading, it will take a lot of money to spread the word/message louder than everyone else vying for readers’ attention!)

Up until this year I really believed the “do what you love and the money will come” mantra. So it feels really alien to actually be focusing on money (I put a request in for “Money: A Love Story” the day I saw your episode on it, and actually am picking it up from the library today).

Anyway, this is turning into a tome in and of itself, but again, I really appreciate not only the content you put out into the world, but your taking the time to personally reply to me. Silly as it may sound to some, it’s encouraging in and of itself :-)
Mahalo

Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Hi Donia,

I second Marie’s sentiment: Thank you for sharing with such an open, brave and honest heart. You are NOT the only one. and I’m not seeing Debbie D here either. ;)

I think Marie’s are GREAT questions to get a REAL FEEL for if you are meant to stay in THIS ring and try try try again; or whether your energy and your heart are wanting to do their Will in a different arena. Knowing also that there are more sides to each of us than just the one yearning and yearning and yearning to persevere here and get this done! – you might want to check the previous video Marie and I (getting your subconscious onboard) to make sure that there aren’t parts of you … holding back success, let’s say, for fear of what it might mean (e.g. means your art will become inauthentic, means you will lose connection with those you love who are also struggling, means you will ‘prove’ something or someone right or wrong, etc.). Addressing that internal work will help to create a UNIFIED WILL – which has the power to make most probably ANYTHING, especially magic, happen.

But let me do my best to briefly answer your specific q’s:

Q: How do we know where the line between perseverance and deluded is?
Most of the time this becomes clear, and only becomes clear, in RETROSPECT. ;) After you’ve done it, and everyone can tell you’ve done it, it’s ‘Perseverance! I always knew you could do it!’ or you never managed to pull it off and it’s ‘You were deluded! I always knew it would never happen.’ Very easy to say from the perspective of the future; and always seems so ‘obvious’ even though IT NEVER WAS. There is no ‘KNOWING’ this except in your heart. That’s why Marie’s exercise of FEELING staying or moving in a different direction is a good way to GET THAT INFORMATION FROM YOUR HEART.

Q: How do we reconcile society’s battle cry of: “Don’t Give Up! If you try hard and long enough you WILL succeed” with the fact that in reality, that doesn’t always happen
– Of course it doesn’t always happen, we don’t need it to ALWAYS happen in order for it to be good and sane advice. Especially because if you don’t try hard and long enough the changes of it happening go down IMMENSELY. I don’t know very many things that apply – rote – to every situation (e.g. always tell the truth – yes, but really?). I would say 2 things: 1. don’t hear it as ‘society’s battle cry’ – hear it, WHEN IT COMES UP FOR YOU, as the battle cry of YOUR HEART AND YOUR SOUL. and 2. I (and I’m just talking about me here) am pretty sure that it will ALWAYS happen when you all this effort is in service and alignment with your authentic passion and purpose, needs and dreams. Knowing when that IS where we are putting it (as opposed to where we feel we ‘should’ put it, we are told to put it, where it would rock the least boats, or make the most sense, or feel safest or most promising, etc.) takes, of course … probably a lifetime of practice, devotion, awareness and self-mastery. LOL sorry!

Finally, I believe it may very well be a GOOD (and great) thing that ‘the optimism of my youth has been tempered with the fire of years of failure’. Creations that have the energy of youth PLUS, or UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF, the clear sight, wisdom, maturity and power of an older and more experienced energy – have ROOTS with which to ground them so that they may soar and reach the heights they envision.

Donia, my love, if you could rest for sometime in the knowing that: succeeding means self-actualizing. it means fulfilling myself and giving and creating all that lies within me. OF COURSE I WILL DO THAT IN MY LIFETIME BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I AM HERE TO DO, AND I GIVE MY FULL PERMISSION AND MY HEART TO THIS ENDEAVOR. i MIGHT have erroneous ideas about what I meant to create and where i meant to give, but Life, do not allow me to be so stubborn that I would REFUSE to allow what is in me to unfold. i give my heart and my effort – more than to this particular art/creation – to the project of bear witness to my own becoming. i look forward to seeing what it is. and i do.

Try to FEEL your way toward where you are meant to put all that persevering energy and will. And don’t label things too fast – maybe a sojourn in a different direction is a break, maybe it is a whole new career path – again, OFTEN WE DO NOT REALLY KNOW THIS, especially with confidence, until we’re grandparents telling some younger soul how we got where we did. ;)

Sending you much love, strength, and courage. AND ABOVE ALL PEACE. Relax about it – not when you’re working, even when your working ;) – but ESPECIALLY when you are not. What I want to say is: BETWEEN YOUR SELF AND YOUR SOUL THEY HAVE EVERYTHING THEY NEED, AND SOME MORE TO SPARE, TO FULFILL THEMSELVES IN YOUR LIFETIME. if we could only stop pretending so much that it is SO all up to ‘us’… we’d definitely be more optimistic! ;)
xo cathy

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Melody

Donia, you said it better than I could have and I am in the same boat with you. Marie and Dr. Collautt, thank you for this incredibly timely video.

My own situation is difficulty in getting any job to support myself while working on my art. I am willing and have tried new methods, new jobs, new industries and nothing seems to have stuck yet. I am willing to do whatever it takes. Employers tell me it is just a bad time right now and to come back in a few weeks. I will! It’s just hrs to be in transition and have nothing financial to show for it after almost three years. I have learned to open myself up; I have gone from “I can’t” to “I can” and even surprised myself by doing things I never thought I could. Those are the things I have to keep in mind in order to keep going.

Donia, you are not alone and I agree with both ladies here, you are not a Debbie Downer. Shit happens to all of us. :)

Donia

Dear Cathy – thank you.

I was in the middle of replying to Marie when you must have been writing this reply, so some of what you ask I mention in my comment to her (specifically about things that are holding me back from having a UNIFIED WILL (especially when it comes to my writing, but it doesn’t really apply to my painting unfortunately)). So hopefully you can read that (very long) reply ;-)

I already subscribed to your blog to get the “Success v. Freedom” download which I plan to read after this, along with other nuggets of wisdom from your blog.

I know part of my blockage and struggle is due to the fact that I have struggled with chronic PTSD and many of its peripheral problems since I was 9 years old (only having discovered this was at the root of everything 2 years ago)… and I’m sure, given your field, you are aware of the way that issue changes the brain’s inner workings and fluidity – especially the longer it’s left untreated.

So it can be very difficult, on a deep, visceral level for me to relax! (and in fact, it is through my painting (and dancing and singing) that I best achieve this.)

Therefore I truly and very sincerely appreciate you sending me “much love, strength, and courage. AND ABOVE ALL PEACE.” It brought tears to my eyes (again).

Ladies, thank you both.
(and if I have some breakthrough, I’ll be sure to check back in here :-)

Elizabeth

I loved the video immensely because it is speaking to a struggle I am currently facing in both my creative and professional life. But this comment from Donna was right on the mark for some of the issues I am facing creatively. Thank you for asking the question Donna and thank you so much Marie and Catherine for giving your amazing insight on this.

susan catherine

I just had my therapy session on this subject, the agony of an artist with years of struggle and setbacks. I came away with “May I be kind to myself while I move forward. May I open my heart to myself while on this path. May I value my life more than my ability to achieve”

xxxxxxx

Smokey

Yum, that’s fantastic!

Shawn Phelps

(So sorry Marie, this posted in the wrong place the first time!)

Donia, just a note to say I know how that feels; the years of relentless struggle, trying to be functional and contribute when just getting out of bed to face another day feels pointless and impossible. And no one except someone else with PTSD can understand.

I jumped in to tell you I see you. I hear you. And there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just your programming from your childhood experiences causing this havoc. It’s not quick or easy but can be undone; I’m living proof. I’m not selling anything to you here. You can read my story on my about page on my website (the dark shit I overcame is hidden in the tab at the bottom ha).

What worked was daily mindfulness meditation mixed with intensive EFT (free on youtube!). It took time but every year got better and better until suddenly shit just started working for the first time. I was amazed when I didn’t wake up full of anxiety and dread. And that happened within the past few months.

It was actually strange because we get used to pain when it’s our oldest companion. The hardest thing for me was asking myself: who am I without this pain? I didn’t know. Now I do. And I can tell you it’s awesome.

There’s still some PTSD lingering but it has dropped from a siren to an annoying mosquito whine. I meditate every day or I’m in trouble. But my life is completely different than it was. I send gratitude every day for the things I’ve learned; because our struggle is our superpower. It’s not something to hide.

You need to know brighter days are waiting for you luv; they want to warm you in their embrace. This is the truth for us all when we clear away our false selves to let our lights shine. You have a special purpose; something of value to share. Don’t you dare give up. xo

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Michelle

Donia – so many creatives struggle and I wanted to recommend another resource (if it’s not too over-burdening):

The Creative Dream Incubator helps creative types work through blocks and dreams, and also has a community attached, so you don’t feel like you are talking to yourself! [http://www.creativedreamincubator.com/] It can be such an isolating journey.

Good luck!

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Diana Henry Cachey

Donia, I’ve been there and will be there again. I just published my first novel and now the real work starts? With promotion? Really? I killed myself writing it (so Dr. Collautt’s idea to celebrate the EFFORT makes me happy). First, do what she suggests, celebrate all you have done already. The effort. Second, do the exercises Marie suggested. About 20 years ago, I set aside my dream of being a novelist and went to law school. Do I regret t? Not at all. I am now very financially secure, able to work full-time on my writing and actually published two academic papers while in school. Does that mean I don’t suffer from not making any money (yet) on my books? Gosh no. I am doubting Debbie at least once a day. I paid a small fee to have someone set up an online book tour for me and, far from dreading being out there, I am loving it! Bloggers interview me or my characters or they publish guest posts I’ve written. It doesn’t feel like cheerleading self-promo because it isn’t. It is telling people about my journey so they can learn from it. BTW both of your questions could be guest blogs! You are saying something we all can relate to, no matter where we are in the journey. Don’t let one doubt snowball into an avalanche. Stop it dead in its tracks. Say: I am an artist, I brave artist and I will persevere. One day at a time. Best of luck~~Diana

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Melody Granger

Hi Donia…

When you mentioned that your art, dancing and writing as being a way to free yourself from PTSD (I paraphrased!), two words came to mind…”Art. Therapist.” (but therapy doesn’t really appeal to me! “Art. Openness.”) I’m actually going to a 2 day workshop in a few months…to paint, with no painting experience, beyond painting a wall or one of my few feeble attempts of painting at home! I have zero expectations or attachments to what I will create at that workshop, but I will have much celebration at the effort, peace, and fun that I feel I will experience. I’m so freakin’ excited!!! I’m already experiencing so much more open-ness at the mere thought of going.

Creative people like you are so inspiring to me. And if you love it that much, then there’s got to be a way to financially benefit from sharing your love. My words of wisdom are: trust yourself, have no attachment to end results, but when something feels right…put your delighted energy behind it. And when it builds momentum and you are faced with “should I do this or should I do that”, then honor the choice that feels the most expansive. I’ve found that excitement overrules fear any day…and trusting that excitement to guide me, gets me thru any humps that may appear.

Now, I’m going to recommend something kinda crazy…throw away all things that you’ve learned from others, because when you do, what I’ve seen happen with myself and others, is your own voice will bubble to the surface with such clarity it can be astounding. What I’ve seen happen, and you may probably start noticing this very soon in yourself (if you do this!), all that you’ve learned…experienced…and understand at this moment in your life is exquisitely unique and now fully yours to express in your way.

Okay…I’ve gotta stop!!! Thanks for lighting a fire of inspiration in me. :-D

Melody

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Melody Granger

OH, I have to add… when you let go of stuff, then things you never could have seen coming, start appearing… may be small stuff, big stuff. It seems like specific things, that you’re truly interested in doing/having/knowing/receiving (programs, books, furniture, invitations) and if you aren’t interested, you get it out of your way (emails, FB ads (hide those babies!), stuff that doesn’t speak to you).

And, if you start following other’s people’s advice again, then at some point, dump them and get ready for another round of up leveling… It’s a cycle!

xoxoxoxo,
M

Karina

Dr. Collautt thank you so much for coming back to Marie Tv! I love your demeanor and disposition. I have rewatced your first episode on Marie Tv so many times and continue to get new takeaways each time. I can tell this one will be the same.

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Chas

Walt Disney was fired from ‘The Kansas City Star’ for not being creative enough. Often times we blame ourselves, when it can also be due to outside influences, circumstances and people that we have no control over. I was rejected from a bachelor’s degree program, after having met all the essential requirements for the program placed before me with flying colors. I was told to go for a different degree instead. How did I deal with this rejection? I transferred to another school and completed my chosen degree, out of a strong will, or, perhaps, just stubbornness, even though it took longer. After graduating one of my pieces was selected for a museum exhibition. Now, with some perspective, that degree that I was so adamant about obtaining has lost it’s importance to me.
“Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” ~Mary Pickford

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Amanda

I like this as I just needed it today thank you so much. I guess in the past its creating new sub/conscious beliefs about myself. Affirmation and believing in me again. And yes taking risks and inspired action, thanks again.

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gigi

Yes! She’s so calming. I must have missed her last time she was on, but I felt this time almost like she was taking us through a guided meditation – and I so needed that today!

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Ms. Pillowz

This brings me back to one of, (what I thought), was one of my biggest setbacks.

I was engaged, it ended, and I was heartbroken. One of the things that helped me immensely was EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. I did Brad Yates video about breaking up, which can be found on Youtube. With every round, I cried until the crying stopped. Once it did, I looked at what I did and took responsibility for my part in why the relationship ended. I journaled and went to a therapist to help me with healing.

I also did me. I had off from work, so I veggied out, watched Downton Abbey and Luther, then I started a 30 day vegan challenge. By the time the new year started, I felt better than ever and was ready to get back out there.

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Lisa Robbin Young

“I also did me” – such a powerful thing that we often think is an afterthought or an aside. Taking care of and nourishing our true selves is the best way to grow through trying times…. and ANY time, really. :-)

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Emelia

So true, Lisa. If we were always on top of that, I doubt we would fall as far when the tough times hit.

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Lisa Robbin Young

It’s easier to remember when things are good, though, isn’t it? I just made a transition in my life from a client that paid well but was sucking my life away, and I’m in a spot now where I’m doing well with self-care… and I’m practicing vigilance around it so that if things shift to a less comfortable space I can lean into this feeling of caring deeply for me and remember THAT was the reason I was able to leave that life-sucking client in the dust. :-)

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RV

I second that Lisa, I had the same experience with clients who paid well but literally drained me, I’ve learnt that with creative people you need to take care of you! Make sure your being is spiritually ,physically and emotionally sound if not situations and people will drain you out, and at that point you can’t give out your best creative output, then it all becomes frustrating .
I understand what Donai is going through, I’ve been through that.
I’m an introvert too, but I realized I wasn’t reaching full potential as my extroverted colleagues ,I had to take a step back, take a while off work and rethink my entire strategy.
Sometimes all you need is a strategy that works for you.
Presently I’m taking time off, learning my strengths and weakness, taking care of me. Deciding and working on what strategy would help me be the best I can be.
Sometimes all you need is time.
Donia I’m sure you are very creative and remember what Marie says ,you have that special gift that only you has , change your view on yourself,realize you have a gift no one else has, believe in you!
Then change your strategy , you might need a pr agent , that’s what I’m working on , it’s expensive , so ask yourself how to get there,maybe a part time job, so you don’t go broke, and eventually can afford a good pr agent,
Thirdly never forget to have some alone time, regroup. , introverts need their space, to rethink, renew .marie also said this once.
I know it’s cliche , but never give up! Never . Be a fighter , your work will get put there. You have to believe it!!
Try and stay away from people who drain you, it’s not worth it, read books that will help improve your self worth, try new things ,most of all be happy!!

Stay positive ! Thankyou Marie ! You’ve helped me get through what I would have called the most trying time of my life. God bless you ,xxx

Ms. Pillowz

You are absolutely right, Lisa. We need to do us any time, not just when we are down. It’s hard to remember to do that in those times when nothing is wrong. We need self care at all times. Thanks for your comment!

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Kristen the Passion Plan Coach

I’m glad you took the time to grieve, give yourself downtime, and focus on healing. That’s SO important after a major heartbreak like that. Glad to hear you’re feeling more “you” than ever!

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Ms. Pillowz

Thanks Kristen!

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Emelia

I can sooooo relate , Biba. It’s so important to allow that grief through which is what the EFT did for you. My “approach” involved fetal position on my bedroom floor…not so deliberate but effective enough. lol

A few months later, the “real” me started to emerge. The shell had been cracked and there was no turning back. Best. Setback. Ever. :)

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Kate Culver

“Best. Setback. Ever.” Now there’s a reframing with power!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

haha Kate! TOTALLY. :)

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Emelia

Thanks, ladies. :)

Ms. Pillowz

EFT, fetal position on the floor, same thing! lol It’s the fact that it was comforting to you and eventually brought you through the “Best. Setback. Ever.” Omg, I love that, btw. (Is that too many abbreviations in the same sentence?? lol)

I am going to print that and frame it as a reminder that growth, rebalancing, getting on the right path, and so many other great things can come from setbacks. I refuse to call it failure since failure doesn’t exist, (for me at least). My spirit animal emerges again with yet another comment that touches me. You are the bestest, Emelia!!

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Emelia

Awwwwww. I feel the same way about you. <3

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Kristen the Passion Plan Coach

It’s so reassuring to hear that success and failure are not separate paths — they’re on the SAME path. When Cathy said, “You’re supposed to see failures,” I actually breathed a sigh of relief.

Sometimes I worry that I’ve made SO many mistakes and experienced failure after failure in my business … and yet, that’s probably a sign that I’m actually on the RIGHT path. As Cathy mentioned, it’s far more important how you respond to failure, not whether you fail or not (because you will).

This whole episode allowed me to breathe a little easier and take some of the pressure off myself, so thank you Marie and Cathy! And Cathy, you have the most calming, lovely voice!

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Sandy

I agree, loved that they are seen on the same path. Also I loved celebrating your effort because really we must. I’ve put in some truly devoted and dedicated effort without a result (yes, it hurts) but when I tried again WITH RESULTS (then I remembering crying, not because of the success but because I know I worked so hard and I made it!)

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Indeed. And beautifully put Sandy. SO glad you cried tears of joy because of the heart you put in first and foremost, and not because of the result. Your self, your inner children, and your heart thank you a million times over for that, I’m sure. ;)

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Emelia

Love Dr. Collautt. Something about her energy is so soothing-no nonsense but comforting.

“Confine your conclusions.” So important to not let every event to define us – and funny how we’re so quick to accept the failures as definitive. I think our education system sets us up early for judging ourselves and our promise on our results.

Would be interesting to know if alternative systems result in individuals who don’t view success and failure in the same way.

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Lisa Robbin Young

Dr. Collautt has a voice like Danielle LaPorte’s – mellow, soulful and instructive.

And yes. Let’s not define ourselves by the outcomes of our attempts, but by the attempts we take to improve our outcomes. :-)

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Doreen

That’s just what I thought Lisa. I was listening as I walked our dog at night, and it hit me – the voice tone, even phrasing sounded familiar… like …Danielle LaPorte. Thoughtful and thought provoking.

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Sandy

Emelia, I totally agree with you on the education system here in the USA. It is set up for experiencing failure in such a way that weakens self esteem, confidence, and self worth. I can go on about our children and education so I will stop here.

On a side note, I’ve visited many other countries which have varied education systems. One that I liked the most was where kids all do the same things (and quite a variety of things) at an early age. If they, for example, show no interest in biology and can not grasp it then they choose a path in which they follow their interests and what they are good at. This is in middle school, I think. That way, you get better at what you like and are good at without feeling bad about all those science courses. This of course means you can not pursue a medical degree (since you do need an understanding in science) but this option is not completely out of the picture either. If you grow up and you want to be a medical doctor then you must complete the required course and you can still do it.

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Lisa Robbin Young

As someone who has faced near death, near homelessness, and bankruptcy (twice), I know that failure is part and parcel to growth and attaining success. I also believe in my core that the blessings on the other side of failure are always equal to or greater than the hard thing I’m going through right now.

I often remind my clients that success IS a destination and you’re already there. Often we see failure because we’re comparing ourselves to what we think SHOULD be happening or what we see other people doing, instead of applauding what we’ve done and how far we’ve come (benchmarking ourselves to our past, not others). I even wrote a blog post recently about comparisonitis and how it really slows down success.

Overall, it’s consistency, more than anything else that determines our ultimate success. Stay the course. Keep the faith. It sounds cliche, but my life has proven it true.

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Ms. Pillowz

Wow, Lisa!

This line right here though, “success IS a destination and you’re already there. Often we see failure because we’re comparing ourselves to what we think SHOULD be happening or what we see other people doing, instead of applauding what we’ve done and how far we’ve come (benchmarking ourselves to our past, not others).”

I am guilty of doing this. Reading this is a reminder that this is something that I should work on. I’m going to make this a note to myself to write about this tonight. I’m going to check out your post too! Thanks for sharing as always! :-)

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Aziza

One of my biggest perceived setbacks occurred when I was in high school. I went to a specialized high school for the arts (drama, fine art, vocal, instrumental and dance) and I was fortunate enough to have some really wonderful teachers and really skilled classmates. I got A’s and B’s all throughout my four years. However during my third year, when it was time to put my portfolio together for review to see if my portfolio was strong enough to get me into a good fine arts college, I got a devastating blow to my confidence when one of my teachers told my parents and I that my portfolio wasn’t strong enough to get me into a good fine arts college. I immediately wanted to give up and change direction. However thankfully my parents didnt let my teachers comments get me down. They just encouraged me to apply to colleges anyway. Somewhere along the way I also factored in that she was just one person with her one opinion. I am so glad I did apply to college because I ended up getting into a well respected fine arts college where I graduated with a BFA. 13 years later I am a self supporting jewelry designer who has been interviewed for tv, huffington post, interviewed in my local paper and co-authored a book inspiring other entrepreneurs to follow their dreams. If I had let one perceived “failure” or someone else’s opinion that I failed destroy my confidence then I probably would have a desk job that I hate instead if being able to do what I love every day.

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Sandy

Good for you Aziza!!! It made me happy to read that you didn’t listen to that one teacher. My goodness, why do some people like to put others down?

In college there was one course I was failing and had to withdraw (first and last). It hurt me so bad because I felt bad about my efforts and ability. When I talked to my teacher he said, “Sandy, this class may not be your strength but you are very smart and dedicated. I know you are going to accomplish great things in your life. You will!”

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Aziza

Thank you Sandy. It’s also great that even though you felt like you failed, you had a teacher that recognized your strengths and supported you in getting back on track.

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Indre

Loved your story, Aziza!

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Aziza

Thank you Indre!

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Sandy

The biggest insight is learn and try again.

I’ve was working on a book proposal for a few months and nothing. Then I looked back at it with fresh eyes to see what I could make better. I learned from it and tried again.

I’m happy to report that trying again pays off because last month the result, the yes, the opportunity finally came! I cried because I tried again even if it was difficult going through it again.

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Louise - Team Forleo

Sandy,
Not only are we so glad that the episode brought out that great insight but hooray for the wonderful result of your own trying again! Congratulations and keep us posted.

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Sandy

Thank you Louise :)

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Eve Koivula

Not a lot of people say that out loud: you’re meant to fail. I love that!

At quite a young age I was blessed to realize two things:
1) you’re already 100% happy (now try to make yourself somewhat satisfied, too) and
2) life is already here.
Neither of them are about having, succeeding or achieving.

Those notions have carried me through the years of living to the fullest, because every setback – no matter how big or painful – is merely a single incident and it doesn’t erase the other two things, happiness or life.

Unless I really, literally die of course. But even then I will die a happy woman.

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Jeanne Stafford

“Just because you didn’t yet, doesn’t mean you won’t”. A very powerful statement. I love Cathy’s peaceful demeanor. It contributes to her ability to communicate powerfully. Thank you for this important piece.

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Louise - Team Forleo

That statement got me right in the heart too – such an AMAZING one!!

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Annmarie

Thanks Marie! This episode came at the perfect time for me. While I am not exactly experiencing failure, I am at that stage of a new business where everything is HARD — everything has a steep learning curve. Cathy’s “nuggets ‘o wisdom” apply to this situation as well, especially the point about not making one situation about everything. Now off to tackle the day!

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Alesya

This is one of – if not the #1 most helpful video – I’ve seen on MarieTV so far. Wow! Very powerful words that will change the way I go about my day.

There has been one bag color I’ve launched that’s just been a real stinker. It’s like my dirty little secret or something. But now? I feel very differently. Time to step back in the ring!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Nice Alesya! so very glad. Do it! :)

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Lucy Barber

I love that you gave a real life example here, Alesya! Really helps send the message home for me. We can end up hanging on to failures for so much longer than we need to which is often a sign that we’ve not adequately gone through the grieving process for the failure. It takes videos like this to remind us that we’ve still not gotten over it. Glad you’re ready to step back into the ring.

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Judy Jackson

Just don’t take yourself so seriously… when you get outside of yourself, you can get on with life soooo much easier and better

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Osha Key

I love this video and the core message that failure is just a part of success rather than the opposite of success.

I’ve learned how to deal with failing during the years. I’ve repeated to myself “failure gets me one steps closer to success” so many times that it has now become my belief.

So whenever I fail, this is what I do:

1. I congratulate myself! I must admit – it took many many times until I did it genuinely – I had to sort of fake it to myself in the beginning, but now I’m genuinely happy when I fail, because I now know one way that doesn’t work. It means I’m closer to finding the way that works.

2. I don’t take it personally. It doesn’t have to do with my abilities in general. I just did it the wrong way. It’s not about me as a person, it’s about the choice I made.

3. I analyze my mistake. Sometimes it takes asking other people for their perspective, sometimes you just need to sleep on it. Sometimes you need to put that idea to rest for some time. But you cannot have a second attempt without analyzing what made you fail in the first place.

4. Create a strategy for a second attempt and go for it! You are smarter this time. You are one step closer to success.

Failure is good :) Just don’t take it personally. It’s not about your abilities, it’s just about the decisions you made.

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Laura G. Jones

This is such a great strategy, Osha! I agree, failure is always a good step that can bring you closer to success. Looking back, I couldn’t have made it to where I am without the failures I learned from.

I love this topic! It’s near and dear to my heart. And I just love the energy that happens in this conversation. I also have a training on this, if someone is interested. It’s about the 3 key habits that can help you use your failure to fuel success. Here’s the link: http://lauragjones.com/3-key-habits-success/

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Jayme Joyce

So many of your episodes have such eerie perfect timing with my life that your show alone keeps me feeling sane and that my life is on track!

This has been an epically bad year for me and after the first 4 massive setbacks this year, I was still hopeful and optimistic, but after about a half dozen more- just last month alone! I think they are the result of my starting to view these setbacks and failure in “global” terms as Dr. Cathy Collautt puts it.

Thank you for helping me realize that I need to contain this, get out of the tailspin and keep flying.

Stay Gold Team Forleo!

Stay Gold

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Diane/Build A Balloon

I love all of these nuggets of wisdom and realize, inadvertently, I had been doing many of them on my road to success! To hear them so well articulated gave me goose bumps! I am going to remember to celebrate my efforts and not my results!!! WELL SAID Cathy!!!!

Diane

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Nathalie Lussier

Yes Dr. Cathy is in the house – and you can feel her presence all over the globe, woohoo!

I love you Cathy, and your perspective on the world and how to take action and reward the effort is just pure genius. Your mind and heart are both heard so clearly in this video. :)

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Hi beauty :)

Thank you so much! :) aie, BIG BIG love to you too. so glad you loved the vid. XO

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Catherine | Fit Armadillo

So many great tips here! When I started out in fitness it seemed impossible to get my first personal training client. On the wall in the gym one week when I was feeling particularly unworthy of a fitness career, I saw what has become my favorite quote:

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas A. Edison

This quote helped me stay focused then and during countless other predicaments. I not only got my first client, but I’ve now been in fitness for over 7 yrs. I recently started my own online fitness business, something many people encouraged me to stay on the sidelines for (why not just work in a regular gym? no one will buy that! – all common things I’d hear), but now that I have clients all over the world (Japan and Denmark were just added to the list this month!) I’m so glad I didn’t listen!

Thanks for a great episode with one of life’s most important lessons! For those of you getting started, remember that success could be just around the corner. Hang in there!

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Saiisha

Great topic – since every one of us falls down sometime or another, and we have to get up, lick our wounds, and get back on the path again. That’s the only way to grow and get better!

Nina – Congratulations that you did resubmit your thesis, and that fact alone will help you gain your confidence back, even if it might take a little time :)

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Kat Fulton

My devastating failure was about releasing my first product – It was crazy awful! But I didn’t spend a bunch of time in the despair because I just wanted to keep trying new things.

Finally I tried something that actually worked, and my business took off.

But I still have peaks and valleys, ups and downs, for sure! I love the insight Cathy shared about counting on having failures and learning how to cope with them… It definitely puts it all in perspective and helps me feel connected and normal about failure! Thank you Cathy!!!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Yay for step #1! ;)

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Jennifer

“Applaud yourself that you got in the ring instead of sitting on the sideline”. That idea has been a lifesaver for me as I continue to push myself past my upper limits! Loved this episode :) Thanks for sharing! xoxo

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Louise - Team Forleo

That one really got me too Jennifer, so glad it helped you!

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Mickey

I really enjoyed this video and the steps provided. Thank you!

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Ella Nimz

Great insight . I think it is something that you need to practice all along. I am a person who loves o try new things , however I still get upset when something goes wrong.
This last weekend I had a small set back and I got really down about it. I tired something new.
I told myself that a solution should come .
I got busy with something else
I did a pros and con about set back on paper (worst case scenario ) and I found that I can live with all of it that in the long run it will not be that big of a deal.
I also followed my own advice that its not about the result its about the journey and what I walk away with when its all said a done.

After a couple of days it was not a big deal anymore and I fell secure with what ever the outcome might be .

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Kristin Misik

Great words of wisdom Dr. Cathy…incredibly helpful.

I grew up waterskiing competitively and had to work really hard to get to the top of my game. Failure was my first middle and last name for about 4 years.

I know this is anecdotal, but I notice people who don’t experience much failure early in life have a more difficult time as they get older taking risks and subsequently failing. They give up more easily. Is there data to back this up?

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Rachel D ~ blogger for Peace Clarity Serenety

I lost my job two months ago and this is EXACTLY what I needed. THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER!!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

SO GLAD RACHEL! Take a breath, smile if you can, and when you’re ready – smile again, and get back in that ring! ;)

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Steve Szubert

So, based on all that wonderful info … to FAIL is the really our natural way to…

Find
Achievements
In
Life

Love the line about, “before we can do anything, we start by not being able to do it”.

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Kay

What a great message- I really needed to hear this.

I’ve been struggling with a work project- something that I feel is completely out of my league. I’ve made stupid mistakes and have spiraled into this complete crisis of confidence. I kept telling myself how stupid I was and how I couldn’t possibly get it done. How could my boss expect me to do this?

I was telling my husband how stupid and incompetent I felt, and he just kept telling me- “You can do this. You’re smart, just work on it. Try it. Figure it out. You’re not even giving it 100% of your effort because you’re feeling so overwhelmed. Take little steps and you’ll get there.”

So, I’m digging in and also reaching out for help and guidance. Maybe I’ll be able to do it and maybe I won’t. But either way, it does not negate all of the other great successes I’ve had over the past 15 years. I really need to remember that one failure does not imply complete failure.

“Just because you didn’t yet, does not mean you can’t. It may mean you won’t, but that is still entirely unknown and totally up to you.” Thanks Catherine- that’s my mantra for the next 90 days of this project!

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Allie

I take 48 hours to chill and lick my wounds. Any longer and I get depressed. Shorter – I make rash decisions. After my 48 hour cool down, I grab a piece and paper and pen – and start planning another go-around. I do not ask for opinions or insights from others until I have brain-dumped my new plan. IIt doesn’t matter what it is – what I failed at (and for every success there are at least 50 failures) this always seems to work for me.

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Yusra

AMAZING episode! Loved it! Thank you!

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Irina

Loved this episode! Yes, a failure is an attempt to try – celebrate it and don’t regret it. When I started my business (www.artisurn.com), I had a specific business model in mind and was pursuing the target audience in line with that business model. It turned out it wasn’t the right one. Instead of moping over it, I pivoted my business and now it’s profitable and successful Success is indeed just down the road.

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Renee Wiggins

I enjoyed this video, I wish I had this backin 2008 when I went back to work full-time, It took me 5 years to become proficient in my work. I failed so many times, The harder I tried the worst off. My boss kept saying, what is wrong with you.? Why , you cannot get this? she also stated, I realize you are not detailed.? Marie and Dr.. Collautt believe me I tried. I thought , wow, what is wrong with,me, am I stupid, dumb, what? I cried so many times, and I even got a poor evaluation which in my thirty years of working : never re’cd a poor evaluation. I am still here and I am hearing less of those harsh words. I am still trying, and my mistakes are few. Wow. My question is how long should a person keep trying ? Thanks for the advice, Dr. Collaut Thanks so much. You made everthing seem simple and workable. You have a soothing voice. 5stars Marie

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Kristine

Renee,
I think you are over the hump. If you are not crying at work anymore, and you are starting to like the place you find yourself in, then you should keep trying.

I have recently been through a similar situation for the past few years. In my case I kept trying and gave it my all through many tears. Now that I have been successful in a number of projects, I also have the confidence to say that it is time to move on and do something else.

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Hi Renee,

Wow, well, first off – I hope you are giving yourself credit, and love, for the heart you’ve shown. 5 years of derision and you kept trying – that is a lot of heart.

In answer to your question, I’d say best amount of time to stay is as long as your heart tells you to. And if you’re really good, not a day more. ;)

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Laura

This video blew my mind today. Seriously. Just had a HUGE setback about 20 min ago and when I check my email I find yours… the timing could not have been more perfect. I already feel better. Will have to work on the 4 steps!
Thanks Marie and Dr. Cathy!

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Shireen

It is so incredible when one door slams in your face, and another one cracks open close by!

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Jo

This was great. Confinement is such an important point.
Unfortunately, I’m not “on the other side” of my failures (or not yet further down that road), so it’s hard to put it all into practice. The most difficult thing is admitting full 100% responsibility…I have suffered from on-off depression for the past 20 years, but for the past 8 years it’s been super hard….that is since I got married. I have not been able to complete anything, failed my two attempts at a degree, lost and gained insane amounts of weight, got myself a nice package of hormonal and adrenal imbalances, lost confidence, lost interest in sex or any kind of relationship, and became extremely defensive and generally sad…80% of the time…is it my depression, did I fail because I truly was not able to perform at my normal level at that time or because I was lazy and used everything else as an excuse and got scared?…is it because of lack of support and understanding from my husband that I gave in to my depression? that’s the thing: how to know that difference between needing support and just hacking it all on my own and being 100% self-sufficient?! we need support….BUT we are 100% responsible…so…i’m not sure if i can forgive myself for failing at so many things in the last few years and move on….what’s the balance here?

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Kristine

Jo,

It is very difficult for someone who has not experienced what you have to completely understand what you have been through. Depression is a horrible thing to battle. Forgive me if I am wrong, but it sounds to me like you have been to hell and are still beating yourself up. I personally would like to give you a huge pat on the back for enduring what you have endured. I am sure that you have done some great things in that time that you just shrug off as nothing! I would also like to say that you sound very introspective. That is a great thing, but it means you are a thinker. When you are overwhelmed by too many habitual thoughts, it can create a kind of mucky place to be. You can forgive yourself because you are moving forward. Also, I have found that the internet is a great source of support if you need it. It has helped me immensely!

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Jo

Thank you, Kristine. That’s so kind of you. Probably the most understanding message I have received in a very long time. I don’t believe I’ve done anything positive or constructive in the past few years. It’s also hard to accept that I might not have been able to do it at the time. Still in the middle of things breaking apart. Everything seems like an excuse, a weakness. It takes a huge leap of faith to change this way of perceiving defeat. But I do understand what you’re saying and that the only way to move forward is to let go of those “failures” and keep walking…Thank you!

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Kristine

Actually, I would like to thank you for not giving up. I firmly believe that we are all in this thing called life together. And we are all fighting the good fight. It may sound strange to others, but to me, the fact that you have persevered through so much – and are willing to keep going – makes you a hero in my book!

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RV

That’s awesome Kristine , that’s the right spirit to have ! Keep going ,keep learning. Stay happy and positive !
Jo, you are not alone, understand that depression isn’t a strange thing, I’ve been through it for years ,the mistake I made was to listen to inner voices telling me I wasn’t good enough, that put a strain on my self worth, this year has taught me so much, I’ve lost the support of people who I thought were my friends,and so many setbacks I my career, I decided I wasn’t going to throw myself a pity party , n I’m currently taking time off to work on me.
I’m thankful for team Forleo and the readers here, I’ve found a support system I needed.
Jo, pls remember you are worth a happy life and be willing to fight for it ,begin to re orientate your mind from the thoughts that bring you down n focus on the things you like, focus on the positive ,the positive will come.
Picture who you want to be and start to act like that ,talk like that and think like that.
Remember to breathe and love yourself , without self love how can you love another, pls take time to love yourself and in turn you would see even your marriage would be nurtured.your life too.
Stay strong, you’ve made it this far! You are a hero in my books too!
Xx

Team Forleo!!

Shireen

Marie, it seems that every Tuesday, the video that you post has been personally created for whatever situation I am struggling with or stumped by! Thank you for continually posting valuable content that is actionable and meaningful! This video today REALLY resonated with me, as I was laid off a month ago, and began to really question my core being. But these steps and nuggets o’ wisdom are phenomenal, and change my entire perspective. Rather than dwelling on my failure, I am going to applaud myself for the effort. Thank you thank you thank you. xo

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Rosa Lentinit Troia

Thank you and Thank you!

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Charlene

Wow. So needed to hear this today. Thank you!

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Brian Appleby

Just loved that – thank you so much. Cathy is
Fabulous, love her articulation and depth.

I find I need to look at anywhere I haven’t forgiven
As an essential part of getting back in the game..

Best!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Yes, Brian, that definitely helps!

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Maddie Wise

What I seem to hear Dr. Cathy saying is “be real with yourself, and that means be gentle with yourself.” We all know how easy it can be to beat ourselves (our entire selves) up over one failure that happened in one area and one attempt at something in our life. Let’s get real! We failed in that instance. That’s okay. We’re not broken and we’re not defeated. Acknowledge the failure, acknowledge the hard feelings, and when you’re ready, leave them with that failure – in the past. We’re all still the same intelligent, hard-working, sexy goddesses we were before – let’s get back in that game!

Thanks Marie and Dr. Cathy. You ladies are the shit.

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Kelly MacDonald

When I first went to university for my undergrad, all I wanted to do was become a music therapist. I never at any point saw it as a impossibility. Because of some struggles with psychology, I found out in my third year from the dean of music therapy, that I could no longer continue my studies in that program – I would need to finish with a general music degree. I was extremely devastated. I had a chip on my shoulder the whole fourth year of my program, but when I graduated, I discovered this program called Learning Through the Arts, and became an adjunct artist who delivered core curriculum through music in schools.
Prior to this, I really did swear off teaching, but didn’t know until immersed in the classroom experience, how much I loved it.
After quite a few years, decided to return to school and get my Masters of Education and then my teaching degree. I had a lot of success right off the get go, but then it petered out and then had no calls….nothing. That was also a devastating time for me. I allowed myself to cry a lot, but then forced myself to get creative – use my skills and develop my own programming that could be implemented in the area in which I live. This went well for a while, and then I began to get debilitating back pain; I had to stop working – this was probably the scariest time in my life. It forced me though, to look at my demons (I had no choice, many times I couldn’t leave the bed), get physical (I didn’t need surgery), and get determined to heal myself. I worked with a physical therapist and did was was told to me religiously at home and at the gym; also worked with a counsellor at the time.
After eight months, I got the recovery card! I am now able to manage that on my own at the gym – which is very empowering. During this time I was on anti-depressants to cope with the pain, and didn’t like how they were making me feel anymore – I became addicted to ativan and wanted to get off of it – I felt I could handle life myself. I worked with a hypnotherapist at this time to help me cope with the horrible withdrawal – I don’t wish that on anyone – and was able to clear a lot of junk out of my life.
Clearing out this junk made space for new possibilities. Shortly after this I applied to another school board to become a music teacher, because I heard they were hiring subs. I received an interview and was successful!!
This was just this past year, and I probably had the most successful year of my life thus far. During this year I also recorded and produced my first ever children’s album, and am planning the release this coming winter.
Recently I had an interview for a long term occasional seniority list in my board, but just got called for a permanent position teaching music at a junior public school!!! I could never have asked for a better job – it was made for me.
When I look back at the past four years that I have just written about, what got me through the most, was the determination and knowledge that things always get better; no matter what.
Peace and Blessings to you all on your journey.

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Noa Kadman

Wow, you did had quite a journey. Resonates with me. Thanks for sharing.

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Indre

Beautiful (and tough )story! I am so happy for you! And yes, you help the rest of us to GO FOR IT with your words. Thanks for sharing :)

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Chrys G.

after a devastating life event I got myself out of it with tapping (or EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique). Later, when a different event brought me down once again, I discovered Energy Medicine, which has been God’s grace to me. Those terrible moments were blessings in disguise, they taught me to be a greater version of myself. And I’m deeply grateful for them!

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Ando Mierzwa

Crazy how all of this advice is obvious and natural when viewing the efforts of OTHERS, but not ourselves!

If your friend fails at something, don’t you still applaud and support the effort? Sure! But if YOU fail, suddenly it’s the end of the world.

So, be your own best friend! :)

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Indeed, Ando. If we could come in a bit more as our own best, most generous, supportive and encouraging friend… ah the risks we would take, the world we might make, and how sweet life could be! :)

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Ando Mierzwa

Beautiful words. Thank you, Dr. Cathy! :)

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Kristine

I wish there were a like button for these comments!

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Ando Mierzwa

Ha! Thanks, Kristine! :D

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Noa Kadman

This was so timely and fantastic for me. Just starting to ask myself how to regroup and grow the Nia dance groups I started last year. It was important for me to remember that I need to applaud myself for trying and I did come a long way during this year. Putting myself in the ring was the biggest step I took in my adult life, at the age of 45!!!
Thanks for this amazing inspirational video!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

And that, Noa, is what deserves the most genuine round of applause. Here here! [clap clap!]

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Jo

This episode really touched me. The message and the way it’s delivered is so powerful that it got past the defences I’ve put up around my failures. I’ve often thought that one of the signs of being a happy adult is being able to come to terms with the failures we experience, even as they pile up! And pile up they do, the longer we live. We should be grateful for each of them, and Dr Collautt’s clear explanation has helped me take a step closer to appreciating that. I’m working on re-assessing my previous failures, and will find a way of celebrating my inevitable future ones :-)

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Nice Jo. Do the work, and you will increase the quality of your life – fails no fails, wins and losses – immeasurably!

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Jo

Thanks, Dr Collautt! Am stepping out from a comfort zone (fear of failure) right this second, and that’s probably not a coincidence – it’s got to be related to seeing this episode. Thank you for the turbo-charge.

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Emily Hill

Ugh! It happened to me. Thank you so much, Marie, for addressing how to get up and change your outlook after skinning your knees!

In 2011 I had an Amazon best seller, it was a huge CHA-Ching; a euphoric experience. I write ghost stories and just as I was coming into Halloween season 2012 Amazon’s mainframe crashed (as it took on the Japan market) and thousands of authors sales boards froze. In the news Bezos admitted to a Seattle Times reporter that there would be “growing pains” — LOL — I just didn’t want ME to be the recipient of HIS market expansion ;D

I’ve never fully recovered the smack in the head that going from selling thousands of books – to ZERO in one day – created. (Something that Malcolm Gladwell, Steven Colbert, and other celebrity authors are now experiencing with the Hachette – Amazon feud.)

Whew! Pushing the tissue box away. Although I’ve gone on from my Amazon experience to landing a job as a news columnist, THIS video helped SO much. Mwah!

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Erika Madden

The point made that success and failure are on the same path resonated deeply with me. We can’t have one without the other. (Which speaks a lot to life in broader terms…we can’t separate the sweet from the bitter. Both need, even must, be experienced.)

I think we spend so much time running from the negative feelings and experiences that sometimes we fail to fully live. (And we sabotage what we could accomplish otherwise.)

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Franka Baly

This episode really, really resonated with me! I am so thankful for this today and at this time. The universe knew I needed to see this today. I am one of those people that tries BIG and puts their heart and soul into everything she does and have failed, and failed BIG!! The point the Dr. Cathy made about not letting it become global is so KEY to me!! I had a design studio where I built branding and websites for small business clients for 12 years and I ended up closing it 3 years ago during the recession because I was so burned out and feeling so overwhelmed. I had to let my staff go and find a job to care for my two boys. Right around that time I was widowed and not only was I grieving for the loss of my husband but the loss of my business. I felt like an utter failure and didn’t know if I could come back from it. I have spent the last 3 years working in my industry for another company but I don’t feel fulfilled. I am thankful but it does not feed me. I finally knew about a year ago that it was time to get over myself and try again. I started slowly and started blogging and writing again, this time about self care and loving yourself because I knew that it was what I needed to give to myself. I am now finding my way back to creating a business that I love. I am currently working on my new business which will be focused on helping women and I am on fire again. It took me a while to get here but I am going to applaud myself for not continuing to sit on the sidelines of my life. Everything I have done in this life has been responsible for the woman that I am today! No failure, has gone without a lesson, teaching me to overcome and to get right back up. I always say now, it is not in the getting up but in the falling down that we are transformed. I thank you for the reminder that we shouldn’t let shame overcome us. CELEBRATE THE EFFORT AND ENJOY THE RESULT!! Thank you Marie and Dr. Cathy for this wonderful and timely reminder.

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Jessica Sage

I have to admit, this was one of your BEST episodes, Marie!! Because we all need to know how to handle setbacks productively. Even when we think we’ve mastered failure because we’ve obtained degrees, built businesses, reconciled relationships (or whatever circumstance reaped an intended result), but there is always an impending desire that requires conquering. And when we learn to handle the prospect of failure without allowing it to define and cripple us, that’s the true definition of success in my opinion.

Thank you for sharing these nuggets o’ wisdom Catherine and Marie!

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Mary

This is so timely! Thank you for the inspiring video! Such wonderful advice to know that failure does not mean that I am a failure on a fundamental level, but that my endeavor needs reapproaching and this will inevitably happen. What a shift! Thank you!!! As a musician and artist, I feel like I struggle with this stuff constantly.

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Kristie

Okay who thinks Dr. Cathy has the most soothing voice in the universe?! I could listen to her all day!

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Ramu Suri

Cathy’s narration is simply going into the hearts.We just cant sit back with setback after Cathy’s experience.

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Trisha

Hi Marie,

I have to say that I loved your new episode with the wonderful healing energy of Dr. Cathy C. Doesn’t she have the nicest healing energy, ever? I feel like I’m in the presence of an energy healer.

Have I experienced failure and succeeded from it? Hell yes. I have. I returned to school only to fail because my heart wasn’t it (I studied to become an elementary teacher).

One woman actually told me that I will never amount to be more than a secretary. My eyes widened. That was in high school.

I had a few setbacks but, I knew that a certain path was laid out for me. I applied to be a secondary teacher…that door closed. I kicked and screamed but, realized that elementary teacher was more my thing. Got denied for a master’s in curriculum studies last year only to be accepted a year later. I understand the reasons for doors opening and closing at the time.

How did I overcome? I looked for new doors to open. I pulled back on my pride and seen better opportunities for my creativity to flourish. I am now working on my master’s degree, teaching full time as a teacher during the year, and started my psychic business part time during the year.

So, it is possible to learn that through all of this failure or doors closing that the universe was leading me to a different direction. Happier direction.

I’m glad that I listened to my heart and not that woman in high school.

That’s my story.

See it’s possible.

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Louise - Team Forleo

Trisha,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are such a shining example of what is possible!!

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Heidi

Really great segment today and perfect timing.

Yes, I have, several times. What did I do? I just kept going. I stopped, really looked at my situation, then made a decision about what I was going to do next. Once, I made a choice to keep going, I remained intensely focused on the goal until I achieved it. Another time, I had a more difficult time but it was mostly because I created an opportunity and got a little too ambitious at a time when I was making a new decision about where I was headed. This failure was deeper and personal because it involved other people and affected how I felt about myself and my abilities and affected my credibility. It was a huge challenge to keep going and I avoided people and became withdrawn and depressed. I think this failure has lingered to this day. It’s been years since this happened and still I can feel how devastating that was to experience and how it has affected my self-confidence. Apparently, I still have some inner work to do around this! Obviously, I kept going although I have not quite put myself out there since. hum!

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Kristine

Great video! Thanks to both of you.
I am such a lucky person. I have failed so many times…. large and small. In my life, failure has been more common than success. But now I see that it has to be! I also have the added benefit of stubbornness. I never realized how much it has helped me until now!

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Lisa Wells

Really enjoyed Dr. Cathy Collautt’s tips! Timely for me as well. For the past two years I’ve been coming out of my ‘service provider’ shell and beginning to train others. I sometimes feel that no one is listening or that I’m not making a difference. But hey, I’m getting off the couch and not half-assing it and I need to celebrate that! I also liked the tip about confinement – just because one launch didn’t go well doesn’t mean that I should give up and throw in the towel. Just the boost I needed today :)

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Mark Wade

The timing of this episode was really good for me. I took a step last year to enhance my skills by quitting my job and taking a software development position with one of the top firms in Chicago. I’ve always had the heart of an entrepreneur, and have had some success with that, but ultimately the entrepreneurial spirit wasn’t a good fit for this company and they let me go.

How does someone bounce back from that? Good question to ponder as I searched endlessly for my car in the 8-story parking garage. As luck would have it, I had already registered to participate in Startup Weekend, which started only a few hours later. After an hour drive home to tell my family what had happened, I returned to the city to take on the world.

Within a weekend’s time, one door had slammed shut, and another blew wide open when I worked with a team of strangers at Startup Weekend to build an iPhone app for pet adoption which won the competition!

The job loss in Chicago was just a bump in the path to success. I am now working with the team to bring the pet adoption app to market, and I’m in the process of forming a corporation that will create jobs for others who have an entrepreneurial spirit like mine.

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Deborah

The global comments hit me like a ton of rocks! THAT is the pattern that I have so wanted to change. Today it is broken. I now have a 3 x 5 card in my purse (of course we have the kitchen sink in there – right gals?) where I can pull it out and see what step I am on in my road with both failure and success. I think today I have made friends with the failures rather than run from them. What Dr. Cathy said today was a life changer for me. Now I can come out from hiding so that I didn’t get another wammy – they are sooo painful you know – especially when they come at you many times in a row – now I have a plan for stopping the global thinking and break the cycle that cause me to be paralyzed and make the failure “personal”. Thank you Dr. Cathy. Marie – have her on again please!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Deborah – way to put shiz in action! Love the 3 x 5. Love the making friends instead of foes. And above all, love that you are coming out of hiding. REMEMBER, WHATEVER HAPPENS, to give yourself props for that ABOVE ALL. That’s what’s Good. and Gold. ;)

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Shelley

Great interview!

I think that once you realize as a entrepreneur that failure (setbacks) are part of the process (path), it becomes a bit easier to deal with them. It is all about learning from the experience, without allowing it to be an excuse on why you can’t continue.

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Carla King

Wow, did I really need this as I’m struggling with a business failure at the moment… revival is on the horizon but the blues are being played. Or is it the violins? Thanks for the seriously educational and encouraging episode!

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Indre

I loved this! Perfect timing as you two seemed to be talking directly to me. “Success and failure are not separate paths” is a great take-away.

Last night I was getting down on myself for “always” failing and today I see that I still need to continue on my path. At least I haven’t been sitting back on the couch just waiting for things to happen. I have failed BECAUSE I TRIED!

Thank you for “talking to me”!!!!!

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Anis

“I failed because I tried” yeah!

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ana

Thank you, thank you. This could not have come at a better time. As i am in the midst of relocating to another country. Last night i received a phone call from a manager of a position i was hopeful to interview for. The message was that i would not be considered for an interview due to not having enough experience in this particular field. The manager gave me acalades of my education and experience but stated in need of a ‘seasoned veteran’. I felt so shut down, not even an interview? I will come in with passion, zest for life, energy to learn and give my all i said perhaps a seasoned veteran may be burnt out. I said i have never failled anything in my life. She still gave up the chance to interview me. As i hung up tears came down my face. It was not the ugly cry, but tears just running down. Im i not goog enough? then this morning i received this great message. I will applaud myself for getting out there and trying. I will celebrate the effort and not the result. Every step towards success may consist of failures, accept, surrender, and release. thank you.
ana

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Valerie

Love this. I have failed and succeeded in various capacities but haven’t celebrated the effort leading to either result. From running half-marathons to starting my website – putting myself out there should be given more props than I have been. Thanks for your work and I’ll be referencing this to myself, friends and contacts when they aren’t giving themselves credit for getting of the couch and trying!!

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Carri Barish

Loved the video! I reflected that what we identify as “impatience” is simply life and the learning process of new experiences and skills.

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Christine

I really needed to hear this episode today. Perfect timing! Thank you.

My setback in life was when I had to close my yoga studio. This studio was my baby and it meant so much to me. After two years of learning the ins and outs of maintaining a business I had come to the realization that things were too heavy on my shoulders. I didn’t have any partners to help and I began the whole thing while I was still working full time @ Disney.ABC Television as a full time graphic designer. I knew in my heart that in the future life will unfold in a way that will have the perfect time and energy on my part to do the work as a businesswoman and yoga teacher.

I had to regain all of my confidence and remind myself that my studio is an everlasting gem in everyone’s life that walked through those doors. I knew that one day I will be able to open a new space that will impact many more individuals who share the same passion!

Namaste’ ;)

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Anis

Yeah! Absolutely. What’s that saying, be glad it happened :)

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Mirella

This video made me realize how indifferent I’ve grown to failure. I’ve failed so much in my life that I’ve become accustomed to it. I think at a certain point you develop a failure muscle that gets stronger and stronger, that you hardly care about the outcome but are more curious to just try.

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Kristine

I concur!

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Ruth

I love Michael Jordan’s quote on this topic and I think it wraps it up very succinctly: “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”

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Vera

I loved it! Especially “A failure is just a try that didn’t work – you can either regret trying or applaud yourself for trying!”
I know what I will do :-)
Thank you again.
Vera

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Anis

Yeah, i liked that description too

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Anna

Thank you so much for sharing this. You are such an inspiration!

I had a traumatic experience about three years ago and ended up recreating this experience three more times because I had completely lost the ability to trust myself and others. Along with feeling very alone and unloved, I had no energy to work and make a living even though I was doing what I had previously been very passionate about. I tried to get back on track with my business again and again, but my self-esteem was so low I just couldn’t do it. I was so afraid of other people’s judgments I kept destroying what I had created and just didn’t have the energy to promote my business because I was expecting to fail anyway. Whatever I did try didn’t work, and when it did, I put myself under so much pressure I just couldn’t keep going and ended up failing again.

Over the last half year or so, I’ve been able to regain a lot of my confidence and actually get some projects done or almost done (done soon) by 1. no longer listening to those negative thoughts about myself and the world, and REALLY focusing on my creative projects, 2. changing my diet and eliminating wheat (& a lot of sugar), which I had noticed was causing depression and paranoia, 3. taking small steps and enjoying the journey rather than expecting to accomplish huge things right away. Things are going a lot better now. I am much happier, in a relationship for the first time since the end of 2010, and I’m no longer relying on my savings as much and have actually been able to make enough to pay all my bills and make some investments over the last few months. Looking forward to what is about to come :)

Thanks again, and have a wonderful day everyone!

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RV

Wow exactly what I’ve been through, it’s weird that I’ve had a ver similar experience, even though I loved my work I just couldn’t do it anymore, I let people’s negativity and my lack of self love,started resenting people, couldn’t trust anyone, still don’t actually ,but when I started loving me, taking care of me, and trying to be a better person I realized I needed to change my life completely, even though my career took a pause, it gives me time to revive my love for my career and life itself,I’m engaged now and everyday I feel so blessed, I know there will be hiccups on the road to success but that’s just life ,thankyou Marie and Dr Catherine for your selfless help,you are helping so many people esp business owners ,I’m so glad for the things I’m blessed with , and I know with that mindset more blessings will follow, I’d never give up,prayer helps too people.
Live a happy life and don’t give up.

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Steph Villegas

SPOT ON!! One of my recent failures was when I audition for a large yoga studio and didn’t get the “job”.

MAN I CREID and CRIED when I Got Home and even had that ugly cry face haha. I realized a few months later that it happened for a reason and I’m so thrilled I didn’t get the “job”

I’m much better where I’am today and my confidence is back!
“Success & failure are on the same path.”

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Ludell Jones

Love her vibe and energy! What a useful post!

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill

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Sonja Bannon

One day in Drawing class one of my classmates got an A and I only did get a B+. I was not very happy as I was very good at drawing and my work was obviously better than the classmate’s. I asked the instructor the reason for my grade and that’s what he said:
Your classmate has reached her potential. She cannot get better than what she has achieved on this assignment. That’s the reason I gave her the top grade. You on the other hand have a greater potential. The reason I gave you a B+ is because in spite of your work being better than your classmate, you can do more and you have not yet reached your full potential.
To me a failure is just a challenge to get better and to explore your potential.

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Tal

I love this interpretation of a grade. I wish I thought of it that way when I was still in school! Still, a good way to look at trying in anything.

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jitka

Oh, Dr. Collautt…..I have a feeling I mess up ALL THE TIME. I get very fiery and then shoot words at people in a very non diplomatic way…..and then cry….and then cry even more because I am so worthless….and then I just want to live underground forewer…

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Oh Jitka, my friend, you are the only one who can break the cycle. Choose not to banish yourself to underground. By choosing first to not agree that you are worthless. So, you haven’t yet learned to not shoot words at people in a very non-diplomatic way (assuming that is something you want to do) – AND?????? You CAN be master of your domain. It will be INFINITELY HARDER IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE if you are telling yourself, and agreeing that you are worthless and your home is the dungeon. How can that being learn anything? She doesn’t even have the only friend she really needs to help her. :( Make it about becoming master of your domain (i.e. yourself, your actions, reactions, thoughts, words, deeds, etc.), and be loving and caring enough to SUPPORT yourself AS YOU TRY – not criticize yourself into trying.

Walk yourself out of that underground Jitka! Even and especially when you run back in there because you’ve made a mistake. Be the one to show you you do NOT belong there, mistakes or no mistakes. You belong in the sunshine. Of course you do. You just need love enough – from yourself first – to stay.
xo

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Anis

Great episode!
I had a HUMILIATING moment, where for my thesis I was interviewed for a podcast to be sent out to 1000s of people; people I could potentially work with – terrific marketing opportunity.

At the time I was incredibly fearful of public speaking, so scared that even 2 people constituted an audience for me.
After one hour of being interviewed in front of an audience of 6 (!) on a topic I was supposedly an expert in, I couldn’t even string a sentence together. I was so bad, that when the interview was over, the producer “apologised for putting me through that”. They paid me but didn’t publish it.

That HURT. Real BAD!

The questions I asked myself after the event helped me.

I asked myself, how can I be better and make sure I become the best public speaker EVER! 4 months later I heard of Toastmasters while listening to a Tony Robbins audio class, and I immediately joined. 1.5 years after regularly attending and participating at Toastmasters, I put myself forward to host the opening panel at a conference in front of an audience of over 250 people.

I was SOOO nervous I nearly pulled out a week before the event. I nearly pulled out a day before the event – i didn’t sleep due to nerves! I focussed on what I could control and prepared diligently. I meditated and constantly repeated affirmations on my 4 hour journey to the conference venue, to make sure not an iota of fear could enter my mind.

It went well. The best part was, after the event I felt larger than my physical body, I felt invincible! I’ve learned, facing fears and breaking through them expands us.

Keep soaring!

XXX

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Patricia

Love this topic! I have lots of experience with failure (who doesn’t?) but my failures were the most educational during the year that I took and re-took the bar exam (three times total). After my first failure I merely tried to learn from my missteps in bar exam preparation during the first attempt (a good thing to do, I think!) but I was very focused on “wanting” the desired outcome, which didn’t help. After the second failure, I put my lawyer hat on, focused on process and procedure (like a good lawyer would) and merely told myself that no matter what, it would be the last bar exam I took. I knew my desired outcome, but my focus was completely on the process of preparing for the exam. This focus also allowed me the room to focus on how other areas of my life impacted my bar exam prep and make it a part of the process; by the time I took that third exam I was a regular meditator and exerciser, and lost 10 lbs!

Looking back, I see how making the future my “now” (by acting as an attorney, at least in my head), focusing on the process, caring for myself and letting the Universe support me in my efforts helped me pass the bar and become an attorney. I am happy that using this formula has helped me in other areas of my life and are helping the clients I have in my coaching business.

I have plenty of reason to celebrate the process of preparing, failing and then passing the bar but I never saw it as a part of the process itself. Celebration added!

Thanks for this video!

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Renee Leverington

Wow, this is really what I needed to hear right now, I’m on my umpteenth time of trying to be a successful entrepreneur after several “failures”. I’m certainly more determined to make it work this time but that old fear is still there – what if I fail again? What if I do? I’ll just get back up and try again!

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Michelle Roebuck

Dr. Cathy’s voice is amazing!

I was hired as a financial adviisor by one of those fly-by-night investment strategy companies and worked for several weeks to pass the Series 6 and 63 exams for licensing by the NASD as well as the GA State Life Insurance and Annuities licensing so that I could sell VULs (Variable Universal Life policies – a combination life insurance and investment product). I was feeling chuffed with myself for passing all of the exams the first time and being the leading seller in the office during my first month! Then? I realized it was all shady, that we were expected to close hard sells and do cold calls without any resources or training from the company – NOT. MY. BAG. AT. ALL. Further, we were instructed to try to sell everyone one or the other of two policies, regardless of how well it fit the clients’ financial needs – if you’re caught selling an inappropriate investment, you face 10 years in prison and a $1 million fine. I was crestfallen… I resigned after three weeks and went crawling back to my previous job as a graphic designer, tears on my cheeks, gut on fire and pride in shreds. It sucked ass. I lived under an umbrella of shame and failure from that event. I think it was because it had all been my choice – how could I have chosen SO BADLY?!? I won’t lie and say there was one thing that clicked to allow me to feel completely better about that incident – it’s been about 13 years and I still have to be very conscious about how I talk about that time. But I can see how it changed me, allowed me to see when I needed to step back and give things more thought sometimes rather than always going full steam ahead. Mostly, it was through talking about it with friends and a therapist and seeing that, from their perspective, it looked like an incredible feat – the fact that I chose to leave that environment and cut my losses rather than suffer any longer at something I despised just looked like a brilliant decision to them! I’m maybe not there (yet) but having another direction to view it from was invaluable.

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Ron

Couple of thoughts on this.

I believe some of this fear of failure is similar to PTSD in that how were taught or treated about failure as children remains with us most of our lives unless we do something to overcome the original belief. I was told I was worthless my entire life and never was good enough. As one could imagine failure was something to be avoided, as it would confirm the belief I had learned. To make this short, it shows up everywhere. As an example I married someone that confirmed that belief (as crazy as that sounds). After 15 years of trying to make that marriage work, I realized I didn’t even like this person as she treated me just as my father had. I got divorced and used that experience to work on this entire subject. In my 30’s I began to go inwards and learn about me and where all of my beliefs (especially the self limiting ones) came from and 8 to 10 years later began to emerge as someone that began choosing the beliefs I held vs just going along with the ones I was given.

Update to 57 or so. Completing a Master’s in Sociology as a husband, full time employee, and father of an adopted 2 year old as well as a 17 year old (others are all grown). Failed my thesis (professional paper two times). Backed up and thought about another avenue. Was offered the opportunity to complete comprehensive exams and decided to go that route. Failed part of that first time (kept trying, asked for advice and direction from adviser’s and mentors). I graduated May 7, 2014.

Along the way I learned that process is much more important that content which is what this video is about. How we live determines so much about our lives vs what we have.

I know I am the rare male on this page, but to use a sports analogy that seems to fit I always remembered Babe Ruth and his words and records.

He held the record for the most home runs for decades and is still seen as the most important baseball player in history. He had 714 career home runs and 1,330 strike outs. Does anyone talk about his strike outs (I had to look it up, as I have never heard anyone mention those). Almost two times as many strike outs as home runs but no one remembers it or talks about the strike outs.

When asked about this Babe said, “”How to hit home runs: I swing as hard as I can . . . I swing big, with everything I’ve got. I hit big or I miss big. I like to live as big as I can.”

— Babe Ruth

Thomas Edison also had some wonderful quotes about failure vs success. Look them up. I will put two of them on here for examples.

On attempts at creating a working light bulb, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

“If we all did the things we are really capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”
― Thomas A. Edison

I have used these many times to remind myself of exactly what Dr. Coullatt said so eloquently and simply. I am glad to have heard her view of things, as it helped put a new twist on my own journey. I wish I could have heard this 25 years ago. However, I am light years ahead of where I was then. Never give up on yourself, you don’t know what the next step will bring.

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Katy

Wow, couldn’t have heard this on a more perfect day…….thank you so much. Loved hearing both of you. Wonderful.

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Robyn

I LOVE this episode and so timely needed. Ia m steering “failure” in the face at the moment and I am not too sure how to handle it. Thank you for giving me the permission to selection it off and place to one side.

Thanks Cathy and Marie, you ladies are rockin’

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Julie

I am so busted!!! I have been playing it safe for too long and I always let minor setbacks turn into global catastrophes in my mind. Not anymore! :)
Marie TV has helped me so much. Thanks for today’s wisdom!!

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Kristina

Such perfect timing with this video! I’m currently working on my master’s thesis, and I had a slight setback with it that was out of my control. I’ve had a tough time getting back up to finish it because my heart and mind just weren’t in it. But I’m definitely trying! And this video gave me a lot of encouragement.

Thank you so much!

-Kristina

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Karen

Thank you so much! This video was so helpful!!! I will revisit it again and again and have spread its wisdom to my friends. Success and failure are on the same path!! Who knew??? I’ve been thinking that I’ve taken the wrong paths to achieve my goals-now a shift in my perspective has happened and I realize that I just haven’t reached my destinations yet. Be good & many thanks to Marie & Cathy!

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Leslie DP

I also found Dr. Collautt’s energy to be very soothing. Thanks for this message!

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GL

Excellent,
Nice theme for this episode… How many failures does it take to get to success? Or is Failures just part of the stepping stones all must take to get to success? Interesting… It should be part of the “Becoming a Success 1.0″ Class of 2014. Not to be afraid of failures, realizing it is part of the game plan. It’s not how often you fail or how bad it gets sometimes, it’s getting up when your down and try again… it’s part of the plan for real success. It’s not to be afraid of but accepted as normal and what you are experiencing isn’t unique but as it really is for all who are driven to succeed.
Great interview
GL

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Hanna

I´ve experienced quite a few set-backs in the previous years – started various projects and business models which did not work out at all or did not bring the expected results. Looking back there have been moments of regret or moments where I asked myself: Did i go totally wrong here? Especially as I have chosed quite different paths as most of my friends or classmates – a life full of adventure, travel and insecurity.
I understood now it has all been a important process and I have learned many things on the way. In the end it´s about the right attitude! Thanks for sharing these helpful insights, appreciated it!

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Tori

When I began my own business, I experienced a lot of failures. It was hard, but I learned to keep “putting myself out there” and gained so much in the process. Failure is essential to finding your true path. Sometimes, what we go after is not right for us and it fails to work. We have to learn to pick ourselves up again and try again in a new way, with the knowledge we gained. It is a practice that must be cultivated.

I am once again blown away by the beautiful wisdom of Dr. Collautt! What a perfect framework for working through the failure that is inevitable on the road to success. The truth that she spoke resonated deeply and I will be sharing her words of wisdom! Hope to meet this amazing woman some day.

Namaste

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Amelie

I love the book and exercise from Colin Tipping called Radical forgiveness.

This has helped me tremendously after my separation. Even though I was the one to leave, I felt enormous guilt and self-trashing about the decisions I had made in my life. It helped me take responsibility for my part of the breakup and express all the anger, fear, and sadness I had been repressing for a long time.

Now, I make a conscious effort to observe the anger, fear, and pain behind each of my setback or ‘triggers’

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Julie Moyer

Yes right on target! Another amazing wonderful video!

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Sabrina L

WOW. Great advice. Thank you Marie and Dr. Cathy for today’s episode. This will totally help me move forward.
Love, Sabrina

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Maggie

Recently I had to call a couple to the carpet for missing receipts (I’m the treasurer of a softball league) For weeks now this has been dragging on and there are so many times I wish I would have never addressed them in regards to this matter. After watching this episode, I’m so proud of myself, finally, for doing something nobody else would. I’m glad that I stood up for these little girls. Whether everyone trusted the president and her husband to do the right thing or they just don’t care, don’t want to get involved…whatever reason, it was wrong for the president of the league and her husband to do what they want with someone else’s stuff. Had I not gone out on a limb and took some chances in regards to this matter, I would have never been invited to so many of life’s lessons :o)

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Sol Ballard

I love Cathy Collautt! I remember her from last time she was on the show and just love her wisdom. Thanks for bring her back, Marie.

I have been experiencing failure building the online audience that I have wished for. I almost totally lost it thinking that it might just not be possible for me and perhaps what I have to offer is just not that interesting.

But wait…. I am not going stop trying that easily. I remembered Marie mentioned one time that it took almost a year before her videos went viral. I also remembered many others who started from “the bottom” but managed to make their way to the top. It took consistency and dedication and unwavering faith. I don’t have a guaranteed blueprint on how to engage my core audience but I do know that I will need to keep pushing, keep redesigning, and keep my faith that things will work out. I know what I offer is valuable so there is no need to sweat it!

Thanks for this post. It was just what I needed. :)

Tons of love,
Sol

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AJ Mckeever

I loved this episode! My failure that I have to deal with is not so much one devastating failure, but the feeling of a very common “mini failure” that happens to me on a regular basis.

I’m talking about my natural ebb and flow of productivity. I strive for and desire consistency, but my natural process seems to come in “spurts” of productivity, followed by more relaxed periods of just getting the basics of my routine out of the way.

I often find myself comparing my productive days with my basic days and can feel like I’m “failing” on my more relaxed days. This episode has contributed to my foundation of accepting that flow and trying to work with it rather than against it, realizing that by getting up each day and continuing to chip away, no matter how passionately or tenderly I do so, I am making progress.

But you know what? I think this just gave me an idea for a question to submit to Marie TV! Have you ever done an episode about craving consistency in your productivity? I would love to do a consistent amount of work each day, even if it meant not getting as much done on my “productive” days was the payoff for getting a more consistent and predictable flow throughout my week.

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Louise - Team Forleo

AJ,
We do have quite a few MarieTV episodes about getting more done in less time (http://www.marieforleo.com/resources/more-done/) and about focusing and being productive (http://www.marieforleo.com/category/focus-and-be-productive/). Hope they help!

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Lauren

O my DAYZ!!
I can’t believe what a gift this has been thank you. My business has stalled, ivf cycle just failed and the grief is making me such a cow we’ve finally had a definite ‘rocky patch’ in our otherwise lovely marriage. I’ve been curled up in bed wondering how on earth to get some energy together to rebuild some confidence as the failure thing feels overwhelming. This is like a reframe, a plan, thankyouthankyouthankyou. Thankyou life and world. X

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Siobhan

Great interview! I’ve had some major obstacles this year that seriously has me questioning abilities I never questioned before. At first my impatience and anger overwhelmed me and almost made me quit my educational and writing pursuits, but finally I’ve taken control. Your words have helped to further fuel my hunger for success that is not far away.

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Kevin W

Thanks, great ideas. I always liked the saying “some will, some won’t, so what, next.”

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Lisa J Wood

WOW! That is so powerfully awesome! I’m sharing this with my team.
I have had set backs. Growth in business that seemed to go in all the wrong directions. I doubted myself, my choices, my dreams. I have been pulling through and recently had confirmation, yet again, that when an opportunity comes our way, we are all capable of achieving it. We are equipped with what we need to be successful at the challenge. Will it be easy? NO. Will it be accomplished? Only if we realize that a failure is a try that didn’t work. So pick yourself up, regroup, reevaluate, and celebrate the journey. Thank you for this. :)

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Oliver

Whoa..! Dr. Kathy Collaut …is so …deep. and yet she makes so..much sense..
Someone walked up to me, grabbed there belt, and told me to rub there aching balls…….
I was completely appalled, I started doubting my own heterosexulity..
“Should I stamp I am gay on my forehead”..The comment was made in a public forum in front of many ..I knew..
To recover I told myself to just remember who I am …embrace and except it..If most people see me as gay..so be it..
More importantly I try to remember that dealing with an uninvited homosexual comment with tact time takes time..
Then I applauded myself for not losing my temper and keeping my composure…even though I was rattled…

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Victoria

I received a job offer for my first foot-in-door job in the television industry. I tried to negotiate my salary, the next step I thought I should be doing as a young professional. WRONG! Offer rescinded. Even when explaining my actions, the EP ripped me apart. I feel devastated, but this advice today was so timely. I failed, but not because I didn’t get in the ring to wrestle. Thank you for putting it in perspective.

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Carol Mortarotti

What a powerful video and I too needed to hear this. After two successful careers I allowed someone to destroy my self-confidence and became a victim. I went on to build my third career, but will admit it didn’t flourish until after healing and taking action but now I get to enjoy the results. Thank you for creating this video, you two are amazing.

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Mridu Parikh

Thank you so much for this video Marie. This weeks tweet was my absolute favorite!! Thank you, thank you.

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Monique Chabot

Thanks Marie and Cathy. When I heard Cathy saying “relegating your conclusions to the effort rather than to your sensual nature” I had a profound aha. It is so simply put but makes a huge difference in the perception of who we are. I am thinking about people with past sexual childhood abuse trauma where “sensations” had an important role. Sensations often interpreted or/and perceived as being a failure as a person because of the abuse. With this perception in the unconscious mind makes difficult the dealing with any event that could be interpreted as being a failure. I also love the #3 insights.

P.S. I could not quite understand one of my “disproportionate” reaction while working with a coach (a story teller who is helping me to prepare my next conference to present my book: How I tamed fibromyalgia – the book is in french but the conference is in English and Spanish.) when we spoke about the possibility to take the abuse event (that last a few years tho) of my life for the coming conference. Now I do! Girls, you made my day! Thanks!

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Jennifer Nangle

Marie – this is perfectly timed. Because of YOU and BSchool and a few others in your ‘clan’ I have started the journey of determining my true dream business and I have taken steps towards it. The path is not an easy one for me (for many reasons) and I experience confusion, doubt and true fear OFTEN. I don’t have a solution EXCEPT to say that making time to feel the fear, share it with a trusted friend, can be life transforming. Once I get the ‘yuckies’ out then I look to you (in a much better place to HEAR you) and get a process or two started to take my next step forward. I can’t wait until I can tell you I have a clue where I’m headed and I know that day will come!!!

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Amanda

Yay!!! Yay Yay Yay!
Thank you so much for this episode!
There are aspects of this which I felt already but could not articulate quite as beautifully, and other things that I’m going to take on board and go over as often as I have to to get them to sink in and stay!

I once had a situation where as an ‘over achieving Executive Assistant’ when we had been working late and my boss was still in a meeting, I locked her bag in the cupboard worried that it could get stolen, thinking of course that she had the key, knew where the back up key was hidden etc. Everything went wrong, it was after 8pm and my blackberry was off etc. etc. She didn’t have the key, didn’t know where one was, couldn’t reach me and so didn’t know that the bag wasn’t stolen. Didn’t have her car keys, her house keys, her mobile phone or any money. Absolute nightmare! Whatsmore, she cancelled all her cards overnight in case the bag had been stolen. You can imagine my horror when my blackberry came on at 8am on my way to work and I see 5 missed calls and emails and realise what has happened. Absolute panic, absolute failure, knew she would be furious, thought my job might be in question. Terrible!

Funny thing, when I arrived and walked in what she said is exactly what the Marie TV episode today is about. Sure she was upset and it was a really awful situation, but she said to me, ‘a person who does no work, makes no mistakes’.

So there you go!

Thank you again so much for the beautifully artculated wisdom. This I will forward right away to many friends and my little sister!

Best,

Amanda

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Amanda,

What a wonderful story! What a wonderful human your boss is. Bravo.

So happy for you, what a great calming encouraging experience to have.
Thanks for sharing!
And for passing the vid to others,
Cathy

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Katie Fernandes

I’ve recently made a big career change and I’m in the middle of setting up my own business which has been a very scary but exciting time for me. I’ve definitely made a lot of effort in areas that at times yielded no results.
I’m writing this tweetable down and posting it in my office as a reminder to celebrate as where would I be without the effort.
Thanks for a great video.

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Sandy

I had a romantic setback (actually several over a period of a year or two) and eventually took up tennis. I mastered the sport and started playing with a variety of people and made a whole new group of friends and eventually found my mate. I still play tennis and I still love it and we play as a couple. It was wonderful to become good at a sport and it became a wonderful social vehicle as well.

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Mara Larcy

Hi Marie and Cathy,

Thanks for this wonderful video – it was just what the doctor ordered! Thanks everyone for sharing your inspiring stories.

Mara

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Jeffrey R.

This was an awesome Q&A!! I really love listening to all the videos here at Marie Forleo!! Just wanted to say thanks :)

I did have a big failure episode a long time ago. I remember at the time, my career was not going well(contract ended), I had no money, and I felt like I was at the bottom of the pit; lower than low, and dirtier than the gunk that collects in the cracks of the road. I remember that day, I was trying to buy pizza, and I couldn’t even afford it. I walked home from work (1.5 hours) that day teary and hungry. At that time I felt like the biggest failure in life.

I didn’t think I could have ever recovered, but my girlfriend sincerely believed in the efforts I was doing to try to get my life back on track. The fact that she believed in me made me believe in myself again. For me it took support and patience from my bestfriend / partner whom I proudly call my girlfriend to bring me back to my determined self again.

What I would like to add though is that, this Q&A is so great for me in that, should I ever find myself in a failed situation, I not only will be able to rely on the support of others, but also on the support of myself and the steps needed to overcome it.

Thanks Marie!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Great Jeffrey. So very glad to hear that you feel you have tools now to be a veritable support to yourself too.
FANTASTIC. :)
Cathy

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Jeffrey R

Thank you Cathy :) I really appreciate that :)

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Llyane @FrenchOnSkype

After devastating setbacks I always learned how to reinvent myself and it was always a fun experience.

Thanks, as always :)
Llyane

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Jennifer

Dear Marie & Cathy,

This was just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!!! I am a relatively new yoga teacher and have my first series in September for a non-profit (pretty well known) organization and so am in preparation mode. I have been recovering from two devastating losses of a job loss and pregnancy and thought I would never recover or get through it. I am slowly emerging and managed to finish teacher training last year. I am inch by inch making myself more visible after very vulnerable period in which I was extremely introspective. I am beginning to make new friends and am volunteering as well, and have reached a new level of harmony and authenticity in the relationship with my husband. I sometimes forget to celebrate the effort, and instead have globalized my failures and caused myself much anxiety from being able to move at all! : O I am doing better however, and inch by inch making progress. Thanks for this amazing interview with Dr. Cathy (Wise Woman!) and bringing this information forward that was so needed in my life. Blessings to you both, and the team at MF.

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Nancy

Awesome episode! Cathy brought to light the plight of many authors such as myself, who battle with rejection-itis. Contain it to this one incident is a solid concept. And the timing of her message was spot on today. I am grateful!

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Suzanne

LOVED, Dr. Cathy’s reminder not to make set-backs global and Marie’s emphasis to celebrate the effort. This used to be an operating ethos for me as a project manager of multi-million dollar, highly complex projects.

Then an accident cost me my career, $1M+, left me with permanent cognitive deficits, my brother and parents died, and my inheritance was stolen, which prevented my immediate relocation to Europe to live near my son and only relative. I was flattened on every level. And often made it worse by thinking I was a loser not to be able to wave a magic wand and zap it into pristine order.

Now, I’m giving myself credit for returning to UCLA and finishing a writing program with a 4.0+. And for every day that I move forward on my main novel project.

It seems a long, complicated distance from where I am to where I wish to be…but complaining about the effort, rather than making it an exciting heroic venture and injecting a spirit of fun, just adds more weight. I see that now.

Fabulous as always, Marie. Thank you!

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Gloria McRae

Ok: epic, epic, epic. And oh so timely. Can I say that my adult life has been riddled by this ego-based desire to globalize and generalize as much as possible in order to establish some “broad conclusions” about life to make the process of choosing, easier and quicker. One impact I have recently noticed to this approach is the tendency to generalize and globalize my individual failed attempts to my character. Cathy and Marie, the point here about confining conclusions to the iteration is game-changing for me. Thank you. This I will consciously practice from today moving forward.

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Brenda

This could not have popped into my inbox at a better time. Wow. Marie, i was just introduced to your site a week ago and you’ve already brought my actionable steps to shape my career. Thank you!!

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Shannon Elhart

Thank you Marie and Cathy – This has been a big block for me… until recently. I felt like I had failed and failed over the past few years with my business (and I was). Last winter I had a friend confide in me – “I don’t really get what you do.” I was devastated. But that was KEY, and I am very grateful he was honest with me. Rather than quit, I felt in my heart that I am meant to do this business – it is my purpose. I went back through B.School, learned more, applied more… and my confidence GREW. My new site launched last night, and I have never felt so assured. I am so glad I took those failures – learn and tried again. LOVE this advice!!! xo, Shannon Elhart

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Linzi Wilson

Oh boy… this was an awesome one ! Failure has the potential to bring about one the most horrible emotions ever… shame. I know because I’ve experienced it first hand. 3 years ago the business I had spent 5 years building with my husband fell apart at the seams. We lost everything… including our self esteem.

Watching this video back then would have been a massive massive help. I’ve got to say that the journey back to success has been a rocky one, but holy smokes, I’m grateful for every single day of it. So many lessons learned and I’m so so much smarter, wiser & happier because of those dark times.

If you’re reading this in the midst of a failure…. just remember you’re not alone. I love what Cathy said about celebrating the effort… it’s so so important.

http://www.helloglowcoaching.com/want-to-know-what-its-like-when-a-business-goes-bankrupt-heres-my-story/

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Shannon

YES! This is one of the lessons I have learned and teach on the yoga mat and it really translates to life! My real life failure, not completing dental school, brought me to the practice of yoga. I have spent years practicing poses, getting up, falling down, getting up, falling down (all while practicing ahimsa, non-harming) BUT CELEBRATING the EFFORT, trusting the inspiration for the effort and the repeated practice, honing of skills will eventually lead to success or at least a REAL FUN PLAY TIME or another direction of inspiration! I don’t want my students overly focused on achieving a pose, nothing magical happens when you get the pose, so enjoy the fun part, the journey, the effort, the NOW, TODAY, not just here on your mat, but CELEBRATE the EFFORTS you are giving in your life NOW!!!! oops! went into teaching mode.
I had to completely redefine success for myself and now I teach people to love themselves EVERYDAY, I’m grateful to be a self employed and making a difference in people’s lives in my unique way. It still gets scary but I keep applying the lessons, asking for God’s guidance daily and getting up/falling down/GETTING BACK UP! I am grateful for Marie TV for helping me tread into scary places NOW!
I must admit it is much more challenging to apply these lessons to my singing/music. My HEART and SOUL MUST SING and so for now I’m practicing contentment (santosha) with local success! I am grateful for the JOY of singing!
Peace and GRATITUDE to ALL who are sharing!!!

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Isabel Sadurni

This video conversation + Donia’s vulnerable, open admission + Marie and Dr. C’s considerate responses set off a revolution in me– thank you. Marie’s simple question of “What would it look like to live without the struggle ?”was like, BAM! an instant and very specific vision of what I need to go for and change– what a powerful question. Will be asking/answering that question everyday until I’m living in a place where my artistically conflicted self feels likes it’s in a happy home.

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Michelle Bercon

Dear Marie and Dr. Collaut,

Thank you, to Nina for asking that question and to Dr. Collaut for bringing a strong and valuable message across. Funny how Nina’s setbacks now has brought insight to so many. Maybe setbacks are not failures at all?!

I am brought up with low self esteem and with limiting beliefs about love and money. I am actress and and I have had a lot of different part time jobs to make ends meet – struggling as they say. On my 37th birthday I was homeless, without a job and ill from stress. On top of that I had no savings and I never been in a relationship. I decided then to figure out how to start living my dreamlife and find my life’s purpose.

I started to ask for inner guidance and basicly listened and acted. When you are so far from what is the real you, the journey can seem like a “crazy” rollercoaster ride. I felt like all I did was failures. And I got a little annoyed with my inner voice, who was telling me do stuff, that (in my perception) were setbacks on setbacks. Untill I realized that is was only through failure/or the wild detours I would learn the most valuable truths. Now I don’t believe in failures anymore..

I did have a home for two years, but last september I was evicted. Now I have been homeless for a year but my inner life and phyche have shifted and I know I will be ok. I am a valuable ressource to the community I surround myself with and I see other people as ressources, too. Next month I am turning 40 and my income has finally grown and in a few months I’ll be able to afford my own place again. I can’t wait!

So, I took this video to heart, because I have met so many seemingly failures through out my life and the power to keep on going must come from strong a believe, that there is a way to succes. Thank you so much.

This is the my first comment, even though I have faithfully watched every week and learned a lot from your huge generous sharing of fun and wisdom since February. I LOVE YOU !! You rock,

Light and love to all of you,
Michelle in Copenhagen, Denmark

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Liz DiTomasso

I LOVED this video. I had a devastating career set back last year when I was invited to be on a fitness DVD, flown to New Zealand for filming, participated in a full day of practice and classes before being told that I didn’t look like I lift weights and therefore could not be on the DVD. I wish I could say I am completely over the set back but I know I still have more road to cover before I feel like I have completely overcome this set back (LOVED that visual from your video!)
What I can say is that I do feel like I did some keys things that have helped me keep my head up and continue forward. Right after I was given the boot, I told myself ‘Liz, this is one of those major moments in your life. You want to be proud of how you handle yourself so hold your head up and move forward with grace and integrity.’ I believe this self encouragement and thinking about how I wanted to remember how I handled myself in the future really helped me avoid hiding in my hotel room (I still had a full week left in New Zealand when they gave me the news). I also thought about all of the people I have trained in this role over the years and how important it was for me to stand tall in my most devastating moment because of the blood, sweat and tears they gave me in training. These two steps really helped me up front. I’ve since done alot of work around forgiveness (of myself and those involved) and have dedicated myself to starting my own business that will focus on self love and accepting your body right where it is in this moment.

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Leisa Briggs

Hey Liz,

That was a really honest comment that you left! As a woman I could imagine how hard that must have been. I used to be a dancer and I had a similar set back, I was a ballerina and I was apparently too tall to be the lead! Your message I think will help other girls in your industry.

I am so glad that you moved on from that! Going through the dialogue in your mind about who you have trained and why you are successful sounds amazing! Sending you love x

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Hi Liz,

I am SURE that the self encouragement and thinking about how you wanted to remember how you handled yourself helped you avoid hiding – AND hopefully, shame.

WELL DONE. BRAVO. GREAT JOB.
:) cathy

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Maria

Really needed this today, especially point four. I lost my job a few months ago and have been feeling really gun shy to put myself back out there. I’ve decided that I need to have alternate ways to make money so as not to be dependent on one person’s whims ever again, but in the meantime I need a day job. The whole process of having to explain myself seems so demoralizing. The insight I’ve taken from the video is that this one incident has nothing to do with my self worth or abilities, and only has to do with the specific situation with one unreasonable person. So thanks!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Great Job! YES.
:) cathy

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Anthony Fazzary

This was an outstanding video on how to overcome setbacks and regain confidence… It is so important to realize that success and failure are on the same road. It is so easy to think these are opposites and take us in different directions. We very rarely are successfull on the first, second, third etc, attempt…that obviously created some failure along the way on that same road to SUCCESS!!!!! Keep applauding yourself for a great effort and resiliency…
Great video, Marie and Cathy

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Czarina Aggabao

Two major setbacks I experienced:

One – Not winning “the” major fellowships for my graduate school education, after having won fellowships like Fulbright in prior years. I created a whole lotta stories about my intelligence, whether I “had” what it took to succeed, whether grad school was the right fit for me.

Two – Experiencing violence in Central America, and not dealing with its imprint on me. It took a few anxiety attacks to be my wake-up call. Because those attacks kept me from moving forward, I had to get comfortable just being within my own skin: so I got back to the Zen center, and (barely) got myself to post-traumatic stress therapy (we did hypnosis, EMDT, “parts therapy”) and body-based Hakomi healing from an acupuncturist. I thought I would never again return to Central America — then, ironically, I got a fellowship to return! So, like you said Cathy, overcoming by returning to Central America became a “must.” I told myself that even if I just set foot abroad and had to return within three months, at least I will have faced my fear.

That was almost two years ago. I’ve been living in Central America ever since. I’m about to go back home to the U.S. — because I won yet another fellowship. Maybe not the big, big competitions that I “failed” at — but one that is the perfect fit for me and my speciality + passion. And my story.

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Yasemin

I love this. The last step really me realise that my failed relationship with my boyfriend does not in fact mean anything about me and my ability to have a long term relationship. It’s simply that that relationship did not work and it’s one failure closer to the successful relationship I’m put on this planet to have. Thankyou. Much love. Marie I’ve been following you for years. Know that you’ve made a profound difference in my life. Love you lots, Yas

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Gregory

Marie and Dr. Cathy, I absolutely loved the particular comments …. don’t let your conclusions go global…’ and really loved the one about celebrating making the effort, and enjoy the result’. Absolutely brilliant!
As a healer/psychic I am very aware that when people come to me who are suffering in pain, and have given up hope of any resolution, that they are on a continuous treadmill of emotional and mental thought judgements going global. If that mental process could be stopped immediately, perhaps then the ‘pain of the mind’ would not necessarily wind up a pain in the body! We can creat eany debilitating disease in very short periods of time, and we can create health in a very short period of time. I see your whole conversation as a brilliant path to balanced healing! Much love for you Dr. Cathy! Thank you so much Marie!
Being in Pain is a poor use of your time!

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Leisa Briggs

What a beautiful soul! Cathy you speak as though you are reading from the most special and precious book of life. You hold me captivated.

Thank you for your words!

I have just launched my business and in regards to marketing I would spend a lot of money marketing to only get a few subscribers. What my ego saw as failure my higher self decided to celebrate my beautiful new tribe of women.

I speak to myself in a loving and gentle way, so I say things like, “Ok darling, that didn’t work so let’s try something else”. When I speak to myself with kindness I come out of my shell more and celebrate all of the wins I have made so thus far!

Today’s episode was so unique. Thank you Marie for sharing!! x

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Leisa,

What beautiful words you shared! thank YOU.

That is so fantastic the way you talk to yourself – BEAU-TI-FUL! If we could all take a cue from you… we’d be so much better at getting all of ourselves to come onboard in our (ad)ventures.

Bravo to you as well beauty,
Cathy

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Michaela

Great video! Thank you. Such an important reminder for me as I attempt to start my own business, successes and ‘failures’ go hand in hand for me at the moment. I will focus on and celebrate my efforts more now.

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Becky

Wow, while this is so relevant for me in my own life I can see how wonderfully exciting this is for my kids. This for kids takes the fear of failure out of each try because every try is a step closer to success, it is only a matter of time. Loved this, can’t wait to share this with my kids after school today :)

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Louise - Team Forleo

Tell us what they think Becky (and what a great mom you are!!).

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Toni

Ladies-I felt compelled to write this because I had experienced 2 major setbacks in my professional life this past year. I internalized it to the point of no return and my depression spiraled out of control. As I have been coming out of my coma over this past year, I realized that I want and need to go back to doing what I love. I have tried other avenues but still keep getting pulled back. I have not been able to make a decision to take that leap until I watched this because I was worried about what others would think and if I could handle failing again. The situations I could not control, and I know that this time I am smarter, stronger and I can do this. Great clip today and thank you!

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KD

Angel! This was incredible and refreshing. THANK YOU for this week’s insightful interview/post.
Buckets of gratitude to you and Dr. C.

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Jules

What a wonderful episode, I think I’ve written it all down word for word…as I paused the video and wrote I was thinking about how I deal with setbacks and realised that my family have been reminding me of my failures my whole life so I have learned from a very young age to ‘get out of the ring and sit on the side line’. It’s almost too hard to write down and say out loud that I now realise in this very moment how resilient I am and a ‘get back in the ring’ person I am despite my surroundings. You’ve given me the motivation I need in a sea of doubt -thank-you! x

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

So glad to hear Jules! How wonderful.
Hope and trust you will get back in that ring! :)
Cathy

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Bella

Ladies, thank you!

I am in a very painful place internally, whilst being able to mask it well because I don’t want to add further strain to my elderly parents’ (yes both) health issues by their worrying further about me. Nor are they equipped to assist further with solutions other than the unconditional love and support I receive from them, and my family in general. Which is wonderful to have.

All false modesty aside, and without hubris, I know I have excellent professional and personal skills, and I am a good person, I really like who I am after years of consciously working on myself and building my own emotional maturity.

I am a marketing professional and also a business coach and left corporate to work for myself back in 2001.

I had a massive business failure in 2011, which I have still not overcome. I take responsibility for the choice I made in who I partnered with – who did the wrong thing that cost me everything financially and also left me feeling bewildered and betrayed emotionally.

I worked through that, acknowledged the invaluable learning I received & was delighted I wasn’t feeling bitter or distrustful as an outcome, rather I learned greater discernment with my decision making as well as distinguishing that discernment does not mean judgement, something I am committed not to project onto others.

I also recognize that the impact of this business collapse was exacerbated by earlier poor financial decisions I’d made. My emotional maturity level may have been strong, my financial intelligence was remedial – so again great learning the hard way!

I seemed to get back on my feet and money started to come through the door again. However then some clients cancelled due to their financial challenges, which sent me spiraling once again. Not being one to want to play the victim, I decided the ‘sensible’ thing to do was to go back into the workforce at a level the marketplace saw me at so as to meet my financial obligations and get back on my feet.

After 12 months of pursuing this option, having enough carrots to keep me going with this strategy (including 2 job offers that fell through at contract stage – the employers decided to crunch their numbers at that point and could not afford to hire anyone at that level).

It was not deemed an option for me to go down a few rungs – as employers were fearful they’d invest in me and I would leave. They were not able to hear any my truth around that, that when I commit, I honor that.

I was/am also carrying a financial albatross, as the business collapse left a legacy of debt, which I was working to overcome. Voluntary Bankruptcy does not feel right for me.

We are now 2014. No matter what I try, it is not working regarding bringing income in to get me back to the 6 figure level I was at (and need to meet my financial obligations). I am a believer in the Law of Attraction, and believe that whilst a positive person overall, my ongoing exhaustion at my career & financial situation is continuing to manifest an unimproved result.

I have been funded by my sister to live which would largely go onto rent. I loop around knowing that to build a business you need to invest, yet I do not have the finances to invest – as funds went into rent, food etc. Amounts I will have to repay, they are not hand outs.

I have moved back to the home country (yes moved countries!) to temporarily live with my parents because their health issues have become acute, and I am needed to care for them, and to relieve the pressure from my sister.

They are aware of my situation. Everyone is tapped out financially having tried to help me get back on my feet. They acknowledge how hard I have tried to help myself. Yet everything I have done has not taken off.

I have the opportunity of a new beginning having moved countries and not paying rent for now. It could be to work for myself, or to get a job. I am going through the motions of the latter, and it is a quiet marketplace here. However my inner reality is that I am not enthusiastic about anything.

I don’t know what I really want to do. I feel exhausted at the thought of running my own business – starting from scratch. And in truth, my personality, whilst entrepreneurial, has no desire to be the ‘lone ranger’ at the head of her empire. I would rather be the indispensable right hand lady for an entrepreneur – and I have looked for several years (was part of the reason I went into a partnership) to no avail. So that solution has eluded me as well. My experience has been that they tend to have a VA type assistant, as opposed to an equal that is happy to act in support of their efforts.

I guess, whilst appreciating there are so many others out there with far more challenging situations. As I do have the security of family love and support, which some are not so lucky to have. I just wish I could find that passion and know what I want to really do.

Anything I come up with feels manufactured, false – like it’s a solution because I have to find one. Which in reality – I do!

I know I love helping others. I know I love coaching/mentoring. As I said before, I don’t doubt my talents. I am just exhausted career wise, with my debt albatross and even with all my personal development knowledge, I don’t seem to be able to reignite that flame within me. Or maybe the truth is that whilst I don’t doubt my talents in delivering my skills, I do doubt my ability to have a more stable career where I get to do what I love (help others).

I am fortunately not depressed – just lost and somewhat aimless would be the words I’d use.

I’d appreciate any insight, understanding any solution is a process, not a magic pill.

Thank you

Bella

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Olga

All I can say is that when at a place where you are right now, relay on God. I am a protestant , I got down on my knees once and told God to come into my heart. Now, no matter the challenges I face, I feel secure and calm inside and joyful. This is what it worked for me. You need to find it. I recommend you what I did. You need joy in your heart to start a new. Jesus provides it. Sorry. I hope I haven’t offended you or the rest of the readers. If you knock He´ll open the door. That’s all I am going to say. There were time when I thought I was going to fall and here I am alive and kick. I wouldn’t have make it without Him. Now, I find that there is always a scape a chance sth always come out that keep me on two feet and I feel good…….

Tons of love and kisses

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Olga

Sorry for my grammar, I’ve seen few mistakes…..I am not from an English speaking country….

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Patty Ann

There are no failures >>>> only LESSONS LEARNED :)

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Meaghan

I found this video to be very helpful. As a performing musician, I am constantly judging myself on whether a performance was a success or failure, and am my own worst critic. I have had times when I felt like I failed so miserably, that I had performance anxiety for months afterward. It has gotten better with time, but the points that were brought up today really hit home. Thank you for sharing this!

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Emma Sharrock

Wow, I so needed this today. I have just found out some news that has left me floored, disappointed and sick. This video, and the amazing beautiful heartfelt comments that followed, has put me in a great space. A space that will allow me to celebrate the efforts I have put in as well as the energy to put the effort in to move forward. Heartfelt thanks and gratitude xoxo

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Sheri

Love this!

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Deanna Kangas

This is fantastic! What an awesome video and perspective… I have always thought the same way but never been able to articulate it quite so well to others…. Just love it!

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richelle (@redscorpiomade)

I suffered two ‘catastrophic failures’ back to back. First, the company I worked for my whole adult life, 22 years, suddenly went out of business and I had no Plan B. I decided to take a leap of faith and open an art studio with my sister. That only lasted a year, but it cut almost as deep. At about the same time, we almost lost my Dad to lung cancer. That put things into perspective real fast.
I am not a Pollyanna, but seriously, I count my blessings every day. Life is short so enjoy it while you can.

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Susan

Love Love Love this! We quite often forget the effort that we put into our business and do just look at the outcome.
Thank you for reminding me that I AM AMAZING :)
Susan x

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Tracy

When I have a set back, and I get really down about it; I’ve come to realise I’m usually having a major tantrum, it’s internally, well partially. I may kid myself I’m hiding it, but it affects others around me so not so attractive or fun to be around.
Bottom line is, I didn’t get my own way or it didn’t turn out the way I wanted, I was embarrassed or shown up to not know or not be good at something. Also there is the major piece that, it’s someone affecting you and you cannot force or change them to your way of thinking. When I truly got this and let go of the disappointment, I was relieved and life picked up immensely; better than I could have wished for. In hindsight now, if I’d gotten my own way it wouldn’t have been the best option for anyone. Thanks for the clip.

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Jennifer

I graduated from college with a degree in Elementary Education, and was excited to move 14 hours from my home to try to get a job as a teacher. I had high hopes that someone would for sure want to hire me, because I had never-ending ideas of how to be an awesome teacher; and I knew I love kids and that I was a great teacher. I had a job teaching preschool within a couple months of moving there and was on my way to the rest of my life.
…turns out, my boss was a micro-manager and criticized everything I did. I was chastised over and over for everything from little things I was never told I wasn’t allowed to do, all the way up to huge indiscretions that I didn’t actually do. During one talking-to my boss’s boss even said to me, as if it were a fact, that “You are mean to the kids.” After I protested, the countered “At the very least, not nice.” This was completely in-accurate, but all I could do was sign the write-up, and go have a panic attack in the bathroom afterward. I signed it because I didn’t want to loose my job; but I eventually ended up quitting because my boss was so immature, (doing things like plugging her ears with her fingers and mocking me when I tried to talk with her) and was just getting to me.

I worked at another job teaching disadvantaged preschoolers, and even learned quite a bit of Spanish to be able to teach my students and communicate with parents who spoke little to no English. My class was about 1/4 Spanish speaking students. However, this job proved to be challenging as well. I overcame many of the challenges, but in my second year, my supervisor changed, and I was no longer supported. I was again chastised for little things and things I didn’t do … and I began to question my own character. If all these people could judge my character so inaccurately, then maybe I’m the one who’s wrong?

I moved in the middle of my 2nd year of that job, because my husband got a job back in his home town. Within a month of moving I got pregnant with my first child. I was starting to put together my own business (Parenting Coaching) and got pregnant with my 2nd child. Now I have two children under two, and I don’t really know what to do with my career. I’m a stay at home mom, and love being a mom, but I was kinda hoping to do more with my life and not waste my teaching degree.

Sorry to leave this on a sour note, but do you have any advice for me? :)

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Lee Giddings

Marie and Cathy, thank you both for reminding me of the pattern I run that tries to convince me that I am a lost cause when I do something that does not turn out well. The importance of keeping any one failure in context to the moment it happened in is really valuable. All of these videos remind me in very essential ways to deal with the experiences when we attempt to squash ourselves. Deep thanks for sharing your valuable gifts Marie!!!

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Sean Spence

Thanks ladies for a clear and useful set of ideas. Sometimes failure can feel like a ‘real’ failure, so fundamental that it challenges our entire sense of self. Even those failures are just steps along the way – especially if you take this advice to heart.
In every pile of s*** that looks like a failure, there’s a diamond that’s a piece of your soul you can celebrate!

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Tanya Winfield

I LOVED this episode!
Brilliant information, so simple, easily broken down into understandable section of profound data…for me.
Keep em coming.
Love it :)
xx

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Ilias

Thank you Marie and your guest Dr. Collautt. My way of dealing with my perceived ‘global failure/s’ by trudging lethargically on has not been effective! It has has left me feeling raw, lost, lacking confidence and nearly paralyzed!! I felt no one really understood. Dr. Collautt’s carefully crafted and concisely stated guide has provided reasons for my much needed mental shift, reasoning that I can actually accept! This segment really hit home, a sincere thanks for addressing it.

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Ritu - QLC coach

I am personally dealing with a big big failure at the moment. I put a TON of effort into doing a big product launch and it didn’t bring as big a result as I had planned for. Cathy is RIGHT! I can’t let this one failure define the rest of my career!

I so so SO needed this right now. Thank you Cathy and Thank you Marie.

xx Ritu from Sydeny

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Shana

“Don’t spin off into an abyss of lifelong character judgments, nor even necessarily what a lost cause you are at this. Relegating your conclusions to the effort rather than to your essential nature is a healthier if not more correct way to engage with the game of life.”

Don’t spin off into an abyss of lifelong character judgements…. word.

This is exactly what I needed to hear after feeling like I all I have been doing is stumbling and tripping over the inevitable failures and setbacks of life. Plus, Dr. Collautt has such a soothing voice, it is almost hypnotic!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Word. ;)
xo

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NIYA

You have no idea how much your videos impact my life. Its amazing how every time i undergo a bump in the road, you have a video telling me how to solve the problem and make the situation better. you are truly a blessing. I don’t know exactly how or when I found your web-sight but I almost feel as though it was brought to me from a higher power… Thank you, thank you, thank you and keep up the amazing work!

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Louise - Team Forleo

Niya,
We are so honored to hear that MarieTV is serving you and delighted that you found us!

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LIA

Great talk! it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who struggled to deal with setbacks.
A few months ago, I found myself making conclusions about my previous failures at work that it sort of piled up. I didn’t meet an important deadline and looked like a fool in front of a client. I worked really hard on the next project, putting in more effort and making it on time but the project was halted and I wasn’t paid. Then I pitched an idea that I worked on for almost a year. But the client thought it was confusing and proposed that I go back to school and learn storytelling basics. I was so stuck in my thoughts. I kept blaming myself for poor choices and ultimately paying for it by getting bad deals. I thought the universe was ganging up on me. But lately been reading books and watching discussions of people who are trying to make themselves better despite the past and it’s been helping a lot. I m getting back to my natural flow of writing stories and I’ve been taking risks. By the way, I am 27, a writer and I come from a very traditional Asian family with high expectations.

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Jo Manzi-Crean

Hi, I had for me a devastating failure just over ten years ago and I’ve been licking my wounds in one shape or another since then, and really don’t think I’ve overcome it. Everything said in this stream is really obvious, but so simply and eloquently said, I feel, after a decade, I can start to get back out there! Thanks, Jo

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SUMMER D

This video is really timely for me!

I am now suffering a setback in busniness life as a woman engineer. It is really hard to overcome. I might I will recover but there are a lot of things I regret right now. I know these but I should first overcome my feelings.

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Renee

Thanks for an excellent and inspiring discussion! I know that I will watch this again as a reminder – such an important topic! It was such an eye opener to think of the solution as overcoming those ‘global’ mental thoughts processes we are all so familiar with.

I’ve gone through a range of life challenges this year, and after a few difficult circumstances I recently enrolled in a Masters university degree in an area that I was (and still am) nervous to try. I also recently came out of a relationship and thought of myself as a ‘failure’ in the aftermath of that experience when feeling particularly overwhelmed.

Following on from the great discussion, I wanted to share something which I found really useful in beginning to began to break me out of that mentality and which I hope to use as I aim to get through my Masters degree. http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

This concept talks about the values of having a ‘growth’ mindset over a ‘fixed’ mindset and I think it has some similarities with Dr Collautt’s really valuable insights which I’m very inspired to have heard.

Thanks for a really wonderful clip.

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Olga

Hi to everyone,
Few years ago I failed every attemp to become an administrative assistant. As easy as the performance of this job sounds, I was completely uncapable to keep that position at any company for more that 1 or 2 years……. I tried and I tried…..At the beginning I thought maybe it was the company or the activity of the company I didn’t like, but after failing at every company of any activity I fricked out and started to think, wait a minute, it is me!….I am the failure!….I am a failure….and I extended that thought to myself and to every aspect of my life and I felt ashamed and I started to doubt about myself , my intelligence, etc etc etc….I felt devastated because I couldn’t succeed at that stupid work position. What I did?….I changed the work activity, I stopped my attempts to become an office clerk and I changed my job activity by doing something completely different. I have been performing this proffesional activity which I love for 6 years now and I am now pretty successful at it! …….but It costed me the life to come to the conclusion that it was not me who was a failure, but the work activity that I was stubbornly performing and that it turned out it didn´t suit my abilities and personality…..I had to hire a coach’s services to overcome my feeling of failure to understand that because I was feeling miserable and bored while working I couldn’t keep the job ……but at that time I wasn’t able to discern that my constant failure on that job was directly linked to how miserable and bored I was feeling performing it, that that feeling caused me to underperform and getting fired eventually….
how stupid we are when we are young! But I did it and I am a happy person now!

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Hadda

Great episode
Cathy Collautt is so inspiring
We all fall it’s part of life, let’s celebrate effot whaou!!!
I felt to pass an exam but at least I find my way to help people to find their way by using my natural skills.

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Teo

How can I watch the episode with English subtitles. English is not my first language and it is much easier for me to understand the episode with subtitles.

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Louise - Team Forleo

Teo,
You can watch this episode directly on YouTube at http://youtu.be/n4gK8vZlXW0, it will have closed caption and a transcript available!

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reid

Great episode this week! Maybe my favorite one so far, thanks!

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Jaye Anne

I really want to thank you all for pouring your hearts out online! That must have been so hard. You have inspired me to keep being my best self.

I was feeling not special because I have not made any money from my business yet. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I am hoping that this is what my current failure looks like. Thank you, Marie and Cathy for reminding me that this is part of my path, not just wasted time.

Jaye Anne

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Alfred Agaba Julius

I love you Marie…’Confine your conclusions to this specific try, episode, iteration don’t generalise or globalise’. That was almost the best for me. I can tell you Marie i had concluded that i have no luck with women and i was kind of beginning to believe it. The real winner for me was …’success and failure are on the same road, i will meet them no doubt. Its just that success is further down the road,’ wow. Love you for this Marie and Dr. Cathy

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Kat Bern

This has been SO helpful.

For me, the best part is about celebrating the effort. Which I will apply straight away. As a matter of fact I’m on holiday now and felt quite guilty about going, since I haven’t had as much success relatively to my efforts.
So I felt like I didn’t deserve a holiday.

But now I understand. It’s on the way. I know it. But now I also know I should celebrate the effort and enjoy the wins.

This is Ooooh. So. Good.

Eye-opening. Heart-opening.
Thank you for this episode, Marie.

And now, to celebrating badass efforts!

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Michael J. Wood

One way to overcome devastating failure is to give yourself “reversing” positive self-talk. “Reversing” positive self-talk can motivate you to keep plowing down the success path, even if no immediate reversal of fortune from your failure is in sight.

Here’s my story of devastating failure/reversing positive self-talk/reversal of fortune:

I was starting up a project for a company last year, and given $0 in marketing budget, yet tasked with finding clients. I decided to guerrilla market. I had to search the Internet for prospective clients, then approach them with unsolicited emails.

I, fortunately, found a social media site where I was bringing in tons of business by emailing many prospective clients daily. One day, however, I emailed a site administrator about the project, and he banned me from the site with a SPAM accusation.

I went into a spare office in the company and meditated for a moment. I was seeing a brilliant psychoanalyst at the time, who turned me on to “NLP” (NeuroLinguistic Programming). For those unfamiliar with NLP, NLP focuses on the way you can help your brain represent different experiences to change the way you think and feel. In NLP, the basic tenet is: we never truly see the world as it is, we only see our ‘models’ of the world. If it helps you understand, think of the world as an actual airplane, and your brain’s perception of the world as a model airplane.

When these kinds of setbacks and failures happen to you, it’s tempting to enter a “Collapsed World” model. Basically, you believe that because of the break-up you had, because of getting fired, because of getting a SPAM accusation, etc., that everything is ruined and nothing is fixable. (Visualize the world collapsing).

The trouble with a “Collapsed World” model, is, naturally, that you are not looking at the world the way it really is. Your disappointment and devastation are causing you to think of the world as a place of drought, when there’s always fruitfulness somewhere.

Post my failure, during my meditation I told myself repeatedly “the world is still here. Look around you. Nothing has collapsed.” It took me a month, but I actually found an even better social media site to find prospective clients for marketing, thanks to my attitude of “look around you. The world didn’t collapse.” I also, thanks to the setback, revised my contact strategy so it couldn’t be confused by any future readers with SPAM.

Point being, if you are struggling with a devastating failure, try to “reverse” the temptation to think “it’s all ruined. My dreams collapsed.” Through reversals of thought, you can attract reversals of fortune.

For more information, check out these books:
The Structure of Magic – Richard Bandler & John Grinder
The Secret – Rhonda Byrne

Love this site! Keep your head up and reverse your fortune, everyone! :)

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Rita Malhotra

Hi, I have been receiving your videos for 2 weeks now. I would like to say thank you very much for all the wonderful videos. They are always full of useful info.

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Louise - Team Forleo

Welcome Rita and we’re so delighted that you are enjoying MarieTV so far!

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Katie

Hi there.

So I’ve actually been failing for a long time now lol. But I’ve accepted it and I’m actually pretty stoked about where it has gotten me, believe it or not. This struggle began in grad school and has continued since I graduated.

I went to design school, which is a challenging, competitive, and and failure-ridden ordeal. I failed a few times with portfolio reviews etc, but I made it through and I finished strong. I thought my challenges were mostly over after that hurdle but it turns out they had just begun.

After I graduated with a masters degree I thought it would be much easier to get a different job. I really don’t like the job I’m in now… I’ve always wanted to have my own biz but for some reason when I began on this job-seeking journey a few years back I didn’t think I was “ready”. That’s what people in the field would tell me and I believed them without question. The design world is full of that arbitrary snobbery.

I embarked on a job-seeking journey. Even though I had the degree and I held an in-house design position for 5 + years and did quite well at that, I had not already worked in a design firm so my experience “wasn’t good enough” to get a job at my level. I was so bullsh**… After five + years of working/going to school, sacrifice, late nights, hard work and a vanishing social life… I had a nervous breakdown. With the help of my fam and close friends (<3 <3 <3) I got through it but it was really really tough.

Since that time I've grieved over the perceived loss of that particular career vision but I've been more creative in thinking about what a design job could be. Since I always wanted to have my own biz I started to poke around and see what I could find on the topic… Was it really out of my reach at this point in my career? This is what ultimately lead me to Marie Forleo's b-school actually :-)

I hemmed and hawed over the cost bc I was basically broke but signed up anyway and I'm so glad I did. I'm in the process of creating a business and life I love and I'm SO PROUD to say that it was because I got out of my own way and also because I stopped paying attention to other peoples' opinions of what I should do, etc. I'm pursuing something that I love and have 110% confidence in what I can offer. Steering this career path in a new and better direction has me feeling very confident about the future.

Failures are difficult lessons and sometimes blessings in disguise. I'm going to anticipate a lot of failures in the future and handle them in the best way that I can. Aka take the lemons given to me and make frikkin limoncello… Take that, life. :-D

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Nancy

This has been my favorite video of MarieTV so far. I think I need to watch it every day so it sinks into my subconscious too so I really believe it. It is amazing how we have a tendency to gloss over successes with it being”luck”, “no big deal”, “anyone could have done it”, etc. but one failure as a major live changing event!!! Thanks Marie and Dr. Cathy Collautt!

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MegansBeadedDesigns

I LOVE the concept of thinking of failure as part of the pathway to success. It turns it from something negative into something to be celebrated because it has brought you that much closure to achieving your goals and dreams (even if it’s only accomplishment was to tell you that you’re going about it by the wrong path.)

Something to remember and take to heart, for sure.

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sabrina

Awesome talk! I can´t forget this quote: A failure is a try that didn´t work.
Maybe life should be understand like a sequence of moments and attempts, instead of an isolate try. Maybe that´s the way that we could be more generous when judging ourselves, and further more, braver to make as many attempts as we need.

Thanks Marie and Cathy!!!
Sabrina, Argentina

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Leigh Dickey

Hello, I can’t say how timely this is Marie! Today I woke up searching for a way to rid my life of the guilt and shame that has taken over as a result of a series of failures in my life. I was actually ready to have a complete meltdown pulled down over on the side of the road when I got your email and realized it was meant for me. Thank you so much! Good save…

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

How synchronistic Leigh!
and wonderful :)
GREAT SAVE. ;) lol
xo Cathy

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Samantha Cobos

Wow, what a lot of comments. A very successful Marie TV!! I have failed a lot but I keep trying (and learning!) My passion is textile design especially in organic fabric – I still have not reached total “success”, which would mean making money. I never though of failure as on the same path as success – that is very eye opening! Thank you Marie and Dr. Collautt!

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Ed Cochran

Hi Marie,

Loved the video. So often, we take one negative event and read way too much into it. The event/incident/failure/etc takes on a life of its own and now becomes the environment that we operate within. Dr. Collautt’s suggestions are spot on.

Watching the video, I remembered a fantastic book I read awhile back called “Learned Optimism” by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. In it, he talks about what he calls our personal explanatory style. In essence, this is the specific way we view events in our lives and how we explain them to ourselves. He shows how the style we use can have very significant impacts on all aspects of life and, most importantly, that it can be changed for the better. Dr. Collautt’s suggestions fit well with his recommendations and I would recommend that your viewers look into the book (Note: I don’t have any financial interest in the book. I purchased it personally and found it very valuable).

I really enjoy what you do. Thank you, Ed

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Michelle Wirta

I loved how precise and powerfully Cathy explained this! . She reminded me of a feminine and loving version of Spock ( and very human!!) , articulate and wise. This was my favorite line: Relegate conclusions to the effort and not your essential nature. BAM!
This was perfect timing as well because I am rebuilding after a “failure” that actually happened because of the action of others involved. I’ve been blaming myself for choosing the wrong business partners and this was my fault and clearly see that my effort has been honorable and it’s time to celebrate ME and the vision I see for things as I rebuild and rebrand. Thank you!

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Spock! LOL. :) :) :) Thank you for making me laugh and smile. I’m gonna think about this one for awhile. lol

PLEASE celebrate you as you rebuild and rebrand! GREAT IDEA. :)
Cathy

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Tara East

It’s funny how the universe works.

I just opened an email from a collaboration project whose third party has decided to pull the plug. Hours and hours of effort gone to waste.

I of course felt disappointed and like a complete failure.

Watching this video has made me realise that the effort spent was not ‘wasted,’ but simply me out their trying something new. I feel infinitely calmer about the whole situation now.

Thanks for sharing Marie

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Miriah

Thank you both for this powerful video.

I have been escalating the judgement about mySELF, way above and beyond the job interview that didn’t go my way. Eegads!! Thank you for stopping me in my tracks.

Yes, I am a capable, skilled, professional, and someone will hire me. It was so devastating because I had put so much EFFORT into the preparation. Went to resume classes, interview training, researched the company, had a phone interview with the VP, and went prepared for a 3 hour interview, testing, and personality test process. My mentors were very excited for me too!

Your message is timely and powerful. I have watched it 4 times in two days. I will applaud my efforts, because they were full out! And I scored 100% on the accounting test. I’m pleased, I know what to do next, and I’m getting brave enough to extend myself again. I did really need to pull back and lick my wounds though.

Thank you again! You have really pulled me out of the ditch.
Much love, Miriah

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Brenda Steffon - Divine Soul Coach

Nailed it! Thank you Marie and Dr. Cathy Callautt! Great episode on processing failure. Extra applause on failure is a very real part of living a worthwhile life. I found compassion in my many failures today. Awesome video!

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Melodee Forbes

Marie,

Thank you for providing us with the best! Seriously. I enjoyed this interview so much!

Lots of take-a-ways but beyond that I LOVE Dr. Cathy’s voice. It’s so soothing, it kind of reminds me of Danielle Porte. Random, I know but really loved her voice and how beautifully she communicated.

Hope that doesn’t come across weird, lol.

Thanks again for providing such great content!
xo
Melodee

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Rosieteapot

That’s exactly what I was thinking! I could listen to her all day, so soothing!

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Ellen

Wow, my husband needs to listen to this video. I’m going to email him the link right now! It is something that he struggles with on a daily basis in even the smallest thing. We had a break through a few months ago when we realised that he views life through the lens that everything he does is either ‘pass’ or ‘fail’. I have been looking for a way to help shift his lens to bring him more joy in life, I think changing his view that they are not ‘either/or’ but part of one straight line towards success may really help.

Thank you for a wonderful video, I love love the action steps too. So many things I have read/watched/listened have been quite vague and I love that this video has included a couple of things that you can actually put into action straight away. Thanks!

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Louise - Team Forleo

Ellen,
I am so glad the actionable steps feel helpful. Marie always says that insight without action is worthless so we’re big on the “what to do now” part of MarieTV! We’re also excited to hear how the episode resonates with your hubby, and thank you for sharing it with him.

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Wilfried Lehmkuhler

Hi Marie Forleo and Dr. Cathy Collautt,

This is a wonderfully insightful video and message. Four great steps to prevent emotional destruction and prolonged suffering due to failure and setbacks. Very true, success and failure ARE on the same road…you travel through failures till you arrive. And yes, recognize that you have failed in one specific task only and not in life. Great atmosphere between host and guest.

Thank you Marie Forleo and Dr. Cathy Collautt

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Linda Zheng

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU MARIE AND CATHY- with all my love!! Xxxx

Linda Zheng

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Naomi

Ah! I so needed this! Thank you!

I have recently started my own freelance graphic design business and it has been so tough on my confidence. Something tells me I will be coming back to these insights time and time again to remind myself to overcome those setbacks and not carry them over into my whole life.

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swarna

Dear Marie and Cathy,
This is such a fantastic video!! I have been following your videos for years now Marie and I am inspired every single time. I am grateful for your insights. Thanks Cathy , I have enjoyed both your videos. Love you guys!!:) now over to my story..

Currently I am in my first year PhD and I can totally relate to the situation discussed here. Previously in my Masters degree, I was the topper in my university. I worked in a similar field for a year and I got a full scholarship for this study (a highly competitive one!!). After so much achievement I should be a kick-ass gal as you gals are, but since this field that I am studying is a new topic, I don’t do that. Moreover I was jobless for six months before I got this scholarship which really created a lot of self doubt and negative chatter in my mind. All of this have an impact in my life now,(I know this sounds ridiculous!!) however I am practising gratitude, journalling, meditation and letting go of my past every single day to empower myself. I am also in the process of creating a blog to help students like me break their shell and realise their true potential. Therefore in my next comment you will be able to see my website. Your videos are of great value and I love your style and confidence. Kudos to you and your team!!:))

With love
Swarna

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Marisol

Wow! At this moment of my life I’m conquering my fears and all the insecurities of a bad experience that I had 21 years ago. I’m a Hispanic who went to New York after graduate of a Mastes degree in Speech Language Pathologist and had a failiure with the language ( English). I came back home and stay here all this years. Now my husband is working in the U.S. so I must move there again. It took me one year and a half to deside to go and face the mounster that freeze me. I will try again until I regain my security and confidence again.
This episode gave me more reasons to do it! Thank you very much for be in my life through your show and for give us such valuable lessons. As you could notice I took a chance to write in English even if I don’t do it ok! :-)
Agradecida
Marisol

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

You did beautifully Marisol, loved reading every word. May you rise and expand, and maybe even smile, as you stand to face your monster! :)
Besos,
Cathy

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Chase

I had a such a devastating failure – I purchased my first home at age 24 and I felt very proud of my success and accomplishments that permitted me to do so at the time. Fast forward 6 years later, due to a variety of changes in my life, I had to file bankruptcy and the house was foreclosed upon. That failure caused me such deep shame and grief for so long.

I’m glad that I didn’t make a global conclusion that I’m terrible with my money and I’ll never be a success (because I can see how that’s an easy leap to take) but I focused on getting my financial house back in order (which included moving home with my parents for a year), and volunteering my time and resources with homeless organizations in my city. Taking the baby steps to repair my financial self-esteem and giving of myself for people who need assistance helped me bounce back. Now, 10 years later, I’m debt-free and closing on a new house tomorrow.

These 4 tips are great because like Dr. Cathy said, failure is inevitable, especially if you’re going to put yourself out there. Gold star for trying. Bravo.

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Tara

Marie! This video could not have come at a more perfect time! Coping with failure feels like such a huge part of my life right now, both personally and professionally. My husband and I have been plagued with infertility and have experienced devastating setback after setback for last few years plus amidst this personal heartbreak, I’m fully immersed in launching myself into full-time entrepreneurship with my own business and the “fear of failure” is always lurking as I take this giant step into the unknown. I need to remind myself everyday of the message in this video on my path to achieving the life and career I SO want. It resonates so deep with me. Kudos for this wonderful and timely message!

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Robin Oxford-Davis

This is one of the most calming, realistic looks at failure that I have come of across…thank you for this! I tend to practice spending sometime in consideration of my “failed tries” because I’ve found that sometimes there is so much value there, that it warranted me redefining where and how I’d defined success.

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Sherri Grande

Such a great piece and one that I want to share with not only future clients, but with my teenage children. All of Cathy’s points were so helpful and especially realistic when dealing with the unexpected and uninvited. This is life and many times it’s easy for me (for all of us) to take it personally and make it about our flaws, challenges, past, etc…Her first point really resonated with me and has given me clarity and especially motivation to just keep going when I just want to leave it behind and pretend it didn’t happen! Thanks again Marie and Cathy.

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Kristi {Encircled.ca}

Wonderful video!

She has such calming and powerful presence.

As a recovering perfectionist, this guidance is invaluable. I often ‘punish’ myself for a long time after a failure, and attribute it to something fundamentally me. Separating the effort from the result is a fresh new way, and brings a lot of lightness into trying.

Best,
Kristi

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Julie

As always your topics come at the right time in my life. I suffered a major setback in what I thought was my future business direction. That was squashed last week but I picked myself up, organised three business meetings, taken a different direction and all three met ups are keen as mustard to assist me to the next level. Your video helped me to remember not to dwell on mistakes but to move on. Just a little blip in the road is what I say now.

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KrisWithaK

Phewf, Marie!
This one. This one is beautiful, and it brings up some really interesting stuff from my experience…(here is where I could get into the myriad details of let-downs or perceived failures I’ve faced down and overcome, but I’m not into that, so I’ll keep to one single thing:

My older daughter was born with Cerebral Palsy. This is her story, but I tell it for her often, because it is simply the most beautiful story and it means all the right things.

She struggled with everything. She couldn’t eat, though I tried all of the breastfeeding tricks and tips and perseverance; she couldn’t sit up or walk or crawl or talk or hear or or or…

She was faced with a constant and unbreaking line of failures.

BUT!

She didn’t know that they were failures. She didn’t know that other babies didn’t get a team of coaches working their bodies through the most basic movements; she didn’t know that every other child could just open their mouth and unleash babbling sounds and words; she didn’t know that other kids’ language was considered normal and that speaking American Sign Language (the *most* beautiful and vibrant language – perfect for who she is) would isolate her from her peers; She didn’t know, so she didn’t believe it.

When Bailey was 6, my mother took her to an appointment with an orthopaedic specialist at the Shriners’ children’s hospital near our home (I was in exams at University at the time). The doctor had a resident in the office with him for training. As is typical for kids with Bailey’s disability, doctors’ instructions are so commonplace for her that she knew exactly what to do: she walked (yes, walked) across his office slowly so that he could watch her gait and judge whether or not her tendons would need surgery – and when she reached the other end of the room, she pirouetted and offered a curtsy before laughing straight from her bellybutton.

The doctor closed his mouth. He turned to his resident and said, “Look at that MRI again. This is the thing with neurology: she should be in a wheelchair. There is no reason for her to be able to walk. We can NEVER rule out success like this, because anything is possible”

Boom.

My mom – obviously – had tears running down her face; we had no idea that Bailey wasn’t “supposed” to walk. Bailey toddled over to her and snuggled up with her brilliant smiles and brushed the tear away. She had no idea either. And that is why she did it – she didn’t see any of those lost or missed milestones as failures; she didn’t check off abilities or benchmarks off of charts and doubt herself because other kids were ahead of her. She just danced and worked and danced some more – getting where she could and doing what she could, with an infectious grin and giggle.

She’s 14 now (I can’t believe it!), and I’m just now about to leave the house to go pick her up from APSEA Deaf Camp, where she goes for a week every summer to be with other kids who sing from their fingertips. It’s the height of her year, and I can’t wait to “hear” all about it, with this memory all clear and close to the surface again.

*sniffle* Life is cool.

Thanks ladies!
xo
K

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Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

Dear Kris,

Life is especially cool when there are those like yourself and Bailey to see and reflect it as you do. THANK YOU.
So much Truth, and Beauty, and above all Grace in your/her story. Thank you, thank you for sharing it.
Thank Bailey for being such an exquisite example of what is possible when we are allowed to grow outside the confines of what is ‘reasonable’ and ‘rational’ and ‘known’.
May it be so for all of us.
With love, gratitude, and reverence,
Cathy

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Geni

Wow, so many powerful nuggets ‘o wisdom to take away from that. I hadn’t seen Dr. Cathy before so this was definitely a treat. I can definitely use some of her insights, especially the one about keeping your focus specific to the iteration. Thanks so much!

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Pam

Boy, did I need to hear this. I do pretty much everything she said not to do, like globalize the failure to my ability to be good at anything, personalize all negative comments and criticisms to my whole being, and expect to go through life without any setbacks. This was a great reminder to get my thinking straightened around!

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Rebecca

Wow, that was the kick in the pants that I needed.

I have always thought of myself as a bit of a risk-taker and just had a major “ah-ha” moment.

Somehow, failing at my business feels a hundred times worse than leaving a solid job and moving to the other side of the globe to find a new one. I guess that is because I really want a business and life that I love.

Time to get off the sidelines and start playing.

Thank you both for your wisdom, light and love of sharing!

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Chris

This discussion reminded me of a quote by Oprah Winfrey: “No experience is wasted. Everything has meaning.” Yesterday I spoke up in a discussion at my new job and ended up embarrassing myself. I’m sure I’m being hard on myself and nobody even remembers that moment anymore. After remembering this quote, I was reminded how things like that can help us grow. Thank you ladies for enlightening me to applaud myself for trying, even if things don’t always work out the way I want them to.

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Sky

I love Dr. Cathy Collautt., the best by far, she is amazing!!!

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Stella

Hmmm? Could not finish the video her energy was veryyyyyy low and she did not listen to Marie is question. #gettothepoint

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Trina Moitra

OMG…I am blown away by the sheer force of this powerful content. I have downloaded this video and will watch it repeatedly to ensure I always handle failure in a rational, inspired way! Marie thanks a lot for bringing this amazing lady back to the show. I wish there was a worksheet or something we could fill out as we followed her wisdom…. its that good.

God Bless!

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Catherine Cavanaugh

I have to try to remember all of these, there’s been SO many setbacks lately and it gets so hard to avoid losing sight of the big picture and giving in to despair. This post is massively helpful and I’m going to read it again and again. I believe I can get a lot out of it every time I read it, just due to state of mind. Great blog, and great article.

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Magaly L.

Marie and Dr. Collautt, mahalo for posting this video! About a year ago, I was denied tenure by the new principal at my former school and told I “lacked the potential to impact student learning.” I was devastated, especially because I cared so much about my students and tried really hard, despite having to also deal with an illness and injury. I internalized this failure and interpreted every difficulty as confirmation that indeed I was a bad teacher. I left teaching, followed my heart, and moved to Hawai’i. I guess my heart was still in education. because now I’m a garden teacher at a farm and find myself loving the work I do and am amazed at how despite prior setbacks, the Universe is guiding me in living a vision-inspired life.

Your recommendations are on point! We are going to deal with setbacks, especially as we try something new and become the person we are meant to be. Before teaching middle school science in the public school system, I was an early childhood educator (so very different!). It is also very important to celebrate the efforts and not just the result. This cultivates gratitude, optimism, and clarity. Otherwise, we’ll be filled with resentment, frustration, and hopelessness. And lastly, I love the phrase, “confine your conclusions.” I was really stuck there for a while, but thankfully the love I had for myself, the support from my community, and the desire to continue to carry out my vision, gave me the hope and courage to move forward in life. Thank you again!

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Dr Mavi Glinoga

Hi Marie!

I love this episode. I can totally relate. I’ve felt like a total failure during my PhD, as if it was the end of the world. My biggest enemy was myself! Thank heavens for my supervisors who supported my spirit each day, too keep walking the walk that I needed to take, and eventually had me reaching the finish line. Never had I thought that I’d get one of the best thesis. My supervisors were so proud.

It took me awhile to get over the feelings of failure and depression over those years of hard work and feeling like nothing is happening. But now, years later, looking back — I’ve realised that during the times when you felt like nothing was happening – in fact there were lots of things LOADING in the system (just like a computer).

thanks Marie!

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Carla

This woman rocks my world.

I love BOTH interviews Marie has done with her.

So much is happening behind the scenes and in the non physical/subconscious realms that we can’t see it’s incredible!

Looking forward to learning more!

Thanks Marie & Catherine!

Love,
Carla xo
Launch A Brand + Business You Love

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Rosieteapot

I’ve watched all your videos and this is definitely one of my favs so far! Thank you so much for such practical, actionable advice. It’s easy for me to get into an “I suck” mentality when I’m not reaching the heights I expect of myself, but when I look back at all the effort and accomplishments I’ve made, I have to pat myself on the back and say “Atta girl! Keep going!” xxx

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Odile

Thank you, Marie
I love you. You are doing such an amazing work. Love it. I was devastated by a business Failure 7 years ago:a dance school. Trying hard to go back on the game but….. Thank you so much. Celebrate the effort, that is an amazing point of view. It’s awesome . I really love it. Tears and emotions came up listening to Cathy collaut wouaww this is like medecine. I will take some more of it !!! Thank you so much. With all my love and gratitude.

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Lorraine Williams

WOW!!! This clip couldn’t have come at a better time for me!!! This was awesome and helped me overcome some of my own stuff feeling like a failure. Thank you!

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Megan

I almost always love these episodes but this one was something else. I have a page full of notes! The idea of confining conclusions to a specific iteration is something that I really need to take on board and having it explained so perfectly is a big help. Thank you so much, I think this talk is going to make a big difference to me x

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Patricia

Marie & Kathy,
I love, love, love, loved this episode. I REALLY NEEDED IT and more importantly, I GOT IT!!!

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Sharla Macy

Thank you so much, Cathy and Marie for this very insightful and positive focus on this topic. Very timely.

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Susan Byam

I feel much better hearing that there is life after failure. It is so easy to think that mine was an epic fail and totally unique as it doesn’t fit the examples you give of having yourself shot down artistically or creatively, but I am studying and working the 4 steps to overcome. Thank you so much!!

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marie

thank you for this and the clarity. What a soothing and intelligent voice cathy has…

yesterday i had a total meltdown. could not even sleep it off. i have had a totally overwhelming few months and i was expecting to hit the wall at some point, hard before i jump over the wall. so…i after completing, my beatme and everyone else (not present) conversations, even the the one above….
i was feeling i was heading for total failure even though i was just on the cusp of success and it scared the “sheet” out of me unknowingly. after have a good cry as well, not a pretty one. i totally shamed myself into not even discussing or reaching out for support….but i made a shift got up started to cook a bunch of amazing meals for my family. cleaned home, vacuumed, un cobwebbed where there was none, laundry, ironing, folding clothes and then finally felt great and accomplished…then sat down and finished the work book i had to complete and study the new software that would help me move a BIG A- SS step to my dreams and goals.. today saturday morning, i got up and decided to keep doing the work and keep turning pro.got my workouts in, loved up some people. did not check my emails or anything. got my hair cut, chilled out and when i got home i got a big bonus surprise from a connection i was waiting payment for and it was
double what i was expecting!!! so bottom line : know it will happen, be prepared, acknowledge experience it(it is what it is) be grateful for many other things and get MOVING at something! to shift your energy. works for me…i am so cathy reiterated that this is par for the course of life. thank you so much for this. going to share now with friends and colleagues who need this episode badly…

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Yvonne

Ok, can I just start by saying how much I love Cathy’s voice…seriously what an amazing soothing voice she has!!
Moving on…
I adored this episode after beginning to watch 2 Marie TV shows a day (it’s on my pleasure list- thanks Mama G).
It was amazing and the way Cathy and Marie talked about success and failure was refreshing.
Recently I have changed my mind around my perceived success. I used to believe that I should have the courses going, the cool online products, the book, the articles written about me and then I realised that I was thinking about my work all wrong.
I just want to get in front of people so I have recently collaborated with a guy here in NZ who is running the very same course I was always trying to set up. The difference is he has a great campaign and marketing and success around filling up a room with people, where I didn’t try as hard (I actually know I could have tried harder).
So being one of his trainers has already opened me up to be able to do the thing I love which is to teach and see others grow and also to get some people on as my own clients.
This may lead to corporate stuff too which excites me.

I have also been leaving the office more to network and getting interesting opportunities fly by me and some I am catching with both hands.
So my new definition of success makes me happier and more content in everyday life plus I don’t have to be like everyone else and TRY TO MAKE IT BIG.

I am happy remaining a bit smaller yet still having an impact to the people that I work with xx

Thanks again,

Yvonne xx

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Wambui Njuguna

A failure is a try that didn’t work…worth remembering, that one. It puts things in perspective. When things are done in a more process-oriented way. rather than goal/result-oriented, generally, it’s more pleasant to, number one, complete the task at hand and, number two, not get devastatingly disillusioned if the results turn out less than anticipated or expected.

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