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What Getting Blown Off Says About You

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Have you ever tried to reach out to someone and got nothing back but radio silence? I certainly have. Many, many, times in fact.

Whether it’s an email, phone call, old-fashioned letter (remember those?) or text message — there are more ways than ever to reach out, and to be ignored.

If you want to know what being blown off really says about you, watch this.

“Taking things personally = maximum selfishness. It assumes everything is about me.” @donMiguelRuiz via @marieforleo

An important note. As I expressed in the video, sometimes being ignored is personal.  

It may be the length, content or energy of your request. Sometimes it’s the timing of your communication or a host of other things that, to a certain degree, are within your control.

I’m a huge advocate for taking full responsibility for the results that you create (or fail to create) in business and life. That includes being confident and self-aware enough to ask yourself, “What could I have done differently in that situation to create a better outcome?”

But that, my friend, is another topic for another video on another day. Today, I intentionally chose to focus on the practice of not taking things personally.

Yes, it’s a more spiritual framework. But it’s one that trains you to be both resilient and compassionate — two vital keys for winning in business and life.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

First up, let me know if you’re up for the 48 hour challenge to not take anything personally.

Do it as an experiment and investigate your results. I’ll bet you discover something that’ll serve you long-term.

Next, tell me one concrete example of where you took something personally — only to later find out that the crazy drama you made up in your head was totally not true.

Leave your response in the comments below.

As always, thank you so very much for watching, diving into the conversation, and continuing to spread the word to your family and friends.

You make my world!

With love,

xoxo

Marie Forleo

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Read the comments or Add yours

Jessica

Totally up for the challenge, Marie! :-)

Something that I do that helps with the wait is send all my “likely to make me wait” emails (particularly follow ups) on one day, then I skip email the next. Usually by the time I check in again, I’ve heard from most of the people on my list. Of course, it’s not foolproof, but it is nice to not be checking email every fifteen minutes in the meantime.

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Emma Gwillim: Clarity Coach for Ambitious Mums

Love your approach Jessica – bite the bullet in one go!!

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Jen Kiaba

Oh I like this system. Might have to adopt something like this myself!

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Sofia

Yeah me too, great tip!

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Lisa Robbin Young

One of the things I like to do is include a “follow-up timeline” in my contacts. Things like “If I haven’t heard back by ____, then I’ll circle back on ____.” That way I’ve made a commitment and they know to expect my follow-up. It also keeps me from feeling pushy or taking things personally.

I learned about taking things personally the hard way – as most of us do, I supposed. I was trying to schedule an interview with someone that I’d been after for a while. She politely declined, saying she was really busy, and I felt like I was getting the brushoff, because she wasn’t launching anything new at the time. I was really upset because I just KNEW she was a perfect fit for the project. I got snitty, bad-mouthed her a little and put on my “I don’t like her anymore” hat.

I’m glad she never found out because months later she approached ME to work with her on a project. I told her I was surprised to hear from her after she declined my interview request. She laughed and said she really WAS busy – she had some family drama and other offline stuff that she was handling and she didn’t have the bandwidth to take on a single extra project (and of course, none of that was any of my business at the time!). She wanted to work on my project, and felt bad that she couldn’t say yes, which was part of why she was reaching out to work with me.

I’m grateful for that lesson because now that I’ve gone down the same road myself this past year, I know what it’s like to politely decline working with people, and only once has it been because I personally didn’t want to align myself with someone – and when it was personal, I told them so.

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Karla - Hippie in Heels

Great idea to have a planned follow up, Lisa!

I use the Boomerang add on to Gmail, that sets reminders attached to the emails. It’s great! I know when to follow up and I don have to think about it.

Karla

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Brooke

Thanks, Karla!
Love this idea.

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Laura G. Jones

Great system, Lisa! And great lessons. It’s happened to me a lot before as well.

I just take a “everything happens when the time is right” approach to it. Of course I follow up (and I’m working on putting myself out there a lot more), but I always remind myself that the right people and opportunities come my way when I need them. This helps me not get frustrated because something didn’t work out or someone didn’t answer – it probably just wasn’t meant to be at this moment. Maybe it is meant for later, or maybe we’re just not a good fit at all.

Regardless, as long as I continue to put myself out there and open myself up for opportunities (and continue to learn the lessons), I have no reason to take anything personally. Everyone is on this growth path together, and we’re all doing the best we can.

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Madeline

Well said Laura, I use to get frustrated all the time when people did not get back to me. As time went on I was getting myself worked up for nothing and putting my energy on something that wasn’t meaningful at the moment. I also take the approach if is meant to be it will happen at the time that is right. When we take that approach life seem to be so much easier. When we let the time take its course its a life changing moment, because you focus on what’s in front of you at that present time.

Just leave it alone! If is meant to be it will come back at the right time and when it does it’s a breeze because you are not working against the wind. I’m in the process of that in many aspect of my life and it’s hard but timing is everything. We can’t see the future but when it does happen we will see the “aha” moment where we see the lesson why it different happen then.

~Madeline Yau

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Deb

Lisa –
I like your policy to follow up by a certain date if you haven’t heard back from them – given a reasonable time. I also use the “likely to make me wait emails” and skip a day before checking again.
Also, I admire how you told someone when it was personal. I would love to get that feedback. So, you’re helping me to discover the kind of circle I want to create around myself.
I have had someone in my sphere who doesn’t bring up when she has an issue, but can sure get snitty when I don’t see (and do) things her way which is the right one, “of course”. She’s actually said that to me. Not someone close, but someone I’m in contact with by default. Not a boss; someone my partner pays money to! I do my best not to take it personally, but I’ll work on it some more.
Now, unless someone is willing to be straight, in a decent way, if there is something personal, then I really don’t want them in my close circle.
Of course, not taking it personally, I need to take that to another level. Understand that someone may not be in a place to be straight, and finding a decent way to communicate with them, might be the best way to handle it … if appropriate.
I haven’t been listening to these wonderful Marie TV blogs because I’ve been dealing with things in my life. Not a bad thing, but not fun!
Something to change for sure.
Here I go, following Miguel’s advice – and Marie’s.
Marie – Thank You for making this stuff so accessible. I need the reminders!

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Kathryn Bryant

Great tip Jessica – though not sure I can go a whole day without looking at my email!

Very helpful post Marie. It made me think about how sometimes it’s difficult to reach out in the first place, probably down to a fear of being rejected or ignored (easy to interpret as the same thing). But if we choose to not take the answer or lack of answer personally it makes us much more likely to take action in the first place.

One little recent example of taking things personally is that it took me a while to invite some of my FB friends to ‘like’ my Brilliant Living HQ FB page, then when I did, one of my friends ignored my request. After a day I started wondering why she didn’t ‘like’ my FB page, after two days I thought she didn’t like what i was doing, after 3 days I wondered if she didn’t like me (not really but you know what I mean). Until I saw her – and she happened to mention she’d taken an FB detox! I told her about my request she went straight on and liked it. Inconsequential example but just shows what a waste of energy taking things personally can be.

Not taking things personally is definitely like a muscle that needs exercising or a habit that needs building through repetition, which is why I love the idea of your 48 hr challenge and am definitely up for it.

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Adrienn ⌂ Organizational Expert for New Mamas

I’ve been there too Kathryn! :) Didn’t have the courage to ask my friends to like my page, then one day I just said to myself what the hell and send an invitation to everyone who I thought would be interested. Didn’t regret it.

This post Marie reminded me when I commented on an outreach from a blogger/e-academy owner’s post about guest blogging. I wrote a quite long bio explaining why I would be a good fit. No response for months. Then one day when I realized that my comment was still public on the site with no response I wrote a nice email asking to remove said comment cause it made me feel silly.
Surprise surprise, she got back to me immediately, telling me how much she liked my website and that I could write for them if I’m still interested.
Long story short, I’m still a proud contributor! :)

Follow through follow through follow through cause you never know!

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julie

“But if we choose to not take the answer or lack of answer personally it makes us much more likely to take action in the first place.”

So true! It changes the feeling of the risk-taking.

On the flip side “letting” people say no without them getting the feeling thatthey are creating a whole lot of baggage for the other person goes a long way towards everyone having more ease in their work and willingness to experiment (or not) as they feel is right for them.

It’s so often said that women “don’t know how to say no” and I think this is part of that dynamic…but if we all aren’t taking it personally, saying no when it feels right isn’t so hard…

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Gigi

Love that, Jessica!

Marie – timely as ever. I struggle with anxiety, which always makes me much more sensitive and clingy than usual…and I’ve been dealing with that this week. Such a great reminder across both business and life that it’s okay to just let things be, follow up nicely, and focus on my own opinions about myself rather than the perceived slights of others. Thank you.

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sareh

WElll I have been avoiding someone’s text and it is personal that I don’t want to talk to this person.

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Milla

Sareh, but have you informed them of that? Because that would make it a different matter, wouldn’t it?

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Sheri

Jessica – that is a GREAT idea! Gonna totally steal that. Thanks!
xx

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Kathy

Seriously good idea, Jessica. From reading the comments, it looks like it’s going to be adopted faster than a sweet, snuggly puppy. Thanks for sharing!

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Emelia

Love “The Four Agreements.” Probably time for a re-read. I think there’s a fine line to be explored. Completely agree with the fact that most of the time it has nothing to do with us. However, I do check myself in that I take a look at how I approached the other party and what I was truly after. If it was with that grasping energy, I take a closer look at where I am in the realm of self worth.

When I reach out, I make sure I do so when there’s the energy of resonance. I have to be in a good head space so if I don’t get a response, I know it had nothing to do with the energy I sent out. I stopped jumping through hoops a long ass time ago.

Thanks, Marie, for another relevant session.

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monica

Hi Emelia! I was going to recommend the same book, and I’m so happy you already did! What a great book, right?

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Emelia

It’s such an easy read. I’ve read it a few times over the last 12 years or so. Always relevant. Marie always has great book recommendations and this one is definitely a classic.

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Kathy

I keep it on my nightstand. I’m pretty sure all Four Agreements can be applied to every situation, including email. As witnessed here, being “impeccable with your word” should extend to comment sections on the web, too. It’s soooo nice to come to a place where we aren’t bullied for our opinions!

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Ms. Pillowz

I really love your comment! I will have to check out that book. Thanks for posting!

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Emelia

Hey “Ms. Pillowz!”

Definitely check it out. Incredible simplicity but profound wisdom.

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Jeannine Yoder

Emelia,

I love “The Four Agreements” too! I lead an all in life coach training program for women on a mission called Mentor Masterclass. Of the 35 women in the open enrollment course I would say this is 75% of their biggest fears, besides being too young or too old to be a thought leader, not knowing how to sell and being rejected by clients. This course is very hands on and one on one and I along with a panel of celebrity life coaches are dedicated to helping coaches in training get the mentorship they need. This video really inspired me Marie to help these women in sisterhood support each other even more in taking 100% responsibility for what they can. We have a week in class dedicated to just learning prospecting and often times I share the ways to get clients to show up but one thing that I can encourage more is the responsibility and energy we put out that contributes to a client putting up a wall or block. As always I love this thread and all of the women here!

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Emelia

Just visited your site, Jeannine. You rock. No other commentary needed. :)

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Nandi

Rejection is a part of life. Going to countless interviews and countless situations, I realized that I benefited from being more direct. I had to train myself out of the mousy, scared cat who was NOT a risk taker, into the teacher I am.

I know that I am a shaker. Just like my father, I stir things up and help people during transitions in life. I am no longer afraid. Truth offends people because it requires them to change. Its all a reflection. I know my purpose. If you would like some free coaching email me.

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Chas

I, too, love ‘The Four Agreements’, and the one about not taking anything personally has stayed with me. I was turned on to the book from a very old friend(from a lifetime ago, when we were both very young), Cari Cole, and she, in fact put out a CD titled ‘The Circle of Fire’, based on ‘The Four Agreements’. She teaches voice in Manhattan (caricole.com). I loved the book so much, that I gave it away when I was done reading it. An example of taking something too personally, usually revolves around relationships and I rather not cite a specific example, but, let’s just say that emotions can sometimes make your imagination run wild and the stories that are conjured in your mind can be far removed from reality.

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Emma Gwillim: Clarity Coach for Ambitious Mums

Hmmm, I’ve been on a learning curve with this one. I was taught not ask (“wait to be offered”) when i was little so simply asking used to take me out of my comfort zone… So the sound of crickets did hit a nerve.

The way I see it now is that it’s a game of odds: the more I put myself out there and ask, the more yes’ (and no’s!) I’ll get but I’d rather take my chances and try. I trust that everything happens for a reason. As the lovely Mastin Kipp says: “a delay is not a denial”!

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Marie Forleo

Emma — what you shared is huge. Ask and you shall receive lovely lady! xo

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Peg Fitzpatrick (@PegFitzpatrick)

Emma – I bet you’ll hear more YES than you expect.

Asking is the important thing that most people are afraid to do. It will always be a no if you don’t ask.

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Kathy

Agreed, Peg, but it that’s no surprise. (I usually agree with you. ;) Learning to ASK was one of the toughest things for me to do, both personally and professionally. The act of asking still takes a bit of preparation, but I’m no longer worried about the answer. Once I let that worry go, what I needed began to appear. Not in a magical way, but either the pieces began to fall into place or I finally noticed the doors were already open.

Great post, Marie. It’s touched a tender place in a lot of people. I call that a success!

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emma Gwillim: Clarity Coach for Ambitious Mums

We’re in the same boat Kathy! I’m practising daily – and going for it today!!! It’s in my calendar so it HAS to happen ;-)

Kristen Poborsky

Yes Peg!

That was my first thought when reading this post. I have had times where I’ve asked and been ignored. Then the person finally got back to me.

In one example, the person had a lot of influence in my niche and I never thought that I would become part of their inner circle. As a result I have become friends with this influencer and a part of their inner circle.

If I had let that thought stop me, I would have never asked in the first place. So ask – what do you have to lose?

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emma Gwillim: Clarity Coach for Ambitious Mums

Hmmm, I’m 35 and only just learning this!! Oh well, should put me in better standing for my next 35! x

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Angela

Emma,

I too come from the same school. I’m a late bloomer, and so what I learned the more the better!
Putting yourself out there can be scary but practice makes perfect!

You begin to attract what you want to create!

Angela

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emma Gwillim: Clarity Coach for Ambitious Mums

Thanks Angela – I’ve set myself reminders so there’s no slacking!! ;-)

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Ms. Pillowz

Well damn…

So, I recently contacted my ex-fiance’, (http://www.bigdivahq.com/2013/03/testing-testing-is-this-thing-on.html), to make amends for something that I did. Although I’ve seen him at family functions and it’s been all to the good, I thought that he would respond to my text and phone call, but he didn’t. At first, I took it personally. I thought about texting him again or calling him and saying exactly what Marie said not to say, but thank God I didn’t.

Don is absolutely right. I started getting self-righteous about why he didn’t call me back. Then, I thought more about it. It isn’t about me or what I want. It’s only urgent to me and ultimately I wanted him to drop whatever he has going on to respond to what I think is important. In the grand scheme of things, he has much bigger fish to fry. I let go of the story that he is purposefully being passive-aggressive or whatever. I figured that I will have another chance to say what I need to say, but when the time is right for him and not me.

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Sarah Caracciolo

Great post Ms. Pillowz! It is practicing, like Marie said, that enables us to let go of the story we have created in our minds (that is causing us to suffer) and come back to ourselves. It can be hard sometimes because we can become so lost in our heads, that finding our way back home can be a long and exhausting ride. But you let go of your story and what I love most about your post, is that you realized that it wasn’t the right time for him. You took yourself out of the equation and by doing that you allowed that conversation to happen when it was supposed to happen. (At least I think that is how you felt ;)) Regardless, I LOVED IT!

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Ms. Pillowz

Thank you so much, Sarah! You are so right! Letting go of the story is hard. The ego is strong and it takes a lot to release the whole “it’s all about me” tape, (it’s that old), being played all the time. This year, I am learning to celebrate those moments as victories, because they truly are. :-)

lol You nailed it. That’s exactly how I felt. The conversation hasn’t taken place yet, but when / if it does, it will be the RIGHT time, not MY time. :-)

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Sarah Caracciolo

:) Our egos seem to be louder and much more bossy than our hearts, which is why it is so hard to let go of our ego based thoughts and fall into our heart centers. Practice, practice, practice, is all I have to say! :)

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Ms. Pillowz

Thanks again for your encouragement, Sarah!

Mike

Ms. Pillowz,

What a thoughtful, insightful and freakin’ awesome post! You made some great realizations and I hope you are proud if yourself for changing a “typical” response into a healthy one! Nicely done!

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Ms. Pillowz

Thank you so much, Mike! :-)

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Melissa

Well HOT damn! I love your blog post. Marie really inspires me – I think she inspires MOST. But, you’re so right – it’s not about you. It’s not about me. It’s about the bigger picture. Chances are likely that you’ll touch someone with each post and I thoroughly appreciated reading all that you worked through. Great timing for me… So, THANK YOU! :)

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Ms. Pillowz

Thank you so so much, Melissa! It is such a hard lesson to learn and I’m still learning! lol But there are times when I can push my ego aside and do something different. Those times are truly a blessing and also a step in the right direction. I am so glad that you visited my blog and that it reached you. Wishing you peace and many blessings.

MP

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meredith

i love this! i launched my yoga lifestyle blog last week (www.bewellyogalifestyle.com) & although this is a slightly different fear, my biggest reason for holding off (literally for years) on starting it was being worried “what people were going to think”. it’s starting to sink in that this is a really overgeneralized & kinda silly fear. who cares, right!? & who are “people”? because the people i’m talking to love the shit out of health, wellness, yoga, cooking, life… ;)

i recently pitched an article to a very well-known health & wellness website, so this video came in good time. i have not heard back from them yet, but that’s ok. in my back pocket this video goes, i think i will need to remind myself down the line for sure!

xo, meredith
#igniteyourfeelgood

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Ruzi

Thank you for your comment.
This reminds me of the “Turning pro” phenomena where the author, Stephen Pressfield, mentions that we simply have to start doing and working and doing and working. He said he wrote millions of words until the first was published. So if you do not get a respond from the health & welness website, just keep turning on, love what you are doing and the success will come at the best moment for you.
All the best!

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meredith

thanks Ruzi!

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Nancy

Great advice! I read the Four Agreements last year and it has so much wisdom in it. Thanks for the great insight. There is a company I need to follow up with and you helped remind me!

Thanks!

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Marie Forleo

Awesome Nancy — follow up with love!

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Kristi

I totally agree with this advice, but what do you recommend when a business-relationship/money is involved?

I partnered with a mom blogger (more than your average mom) in November – sent her product, and money in exchange for a banner ad for 3 months plus social media support for 3 months, a december gift guide and full review of my product.

All I’ve seen is the banner ad (with zero traffic I might add!) – she missed the critical holiday season. I followed up twice with nice emails, noticing that she is alive and well and active on social media. I also messaged her on FB, Twitter and Instagram to say hope you’re well, let’s connect..

My final email last week, was more specific about wishing a refund of my funds and outlining what she hasn’t done (still very friendly).

Nothing.

Crickets.

WTH?

I’m a small business and cannot afford this… what would you do? Write it off? If there wasn’t so much money involved, I would but it frustrates me that I feel like she took advantage.

Thanks!

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Marie Forleo

Hey Kristi! I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing. While each situation is different, when it comes to business exchanges — always make sure you have a clear, signed contract with anyone you do business with. That invokes a spirit of professionalism. In this case, you’ve gotta follow your heart on what steps to take next (continue to reach out or write it off) — but no matter what you choose, what’s the lesson this taught you? Is it about having a contract? Did you have an intuitive hit on this that you ignored? There’s always something valuable to learn when things turn out different than you hope!

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Kristi

Thanks Marie for your response!

I do have an agreement via email but not a formal ‘signed’ one so that is a good key learning for me to take into my next partnership. As well, researching their performance, consistency and perhaps even getting references if I’m not totally comfortable are some other things I will take with me going forward.

Appreciate your thoughtful comments! :)

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Natalie MacNeil

Hey Kristi, that sucks and I’ve heard many similar stories from others. I have also been on the side where as a blogger I’m sent things and people expect a review or for me to talk about it, but there was no payment and I never asked for the products nor did I ever say I would promote a product. It sounds like you did indeed pay this blogger though, so did you pay for a banner alone, or did you pay for a full product review too? You should get what you pay for and you might want to send a very firm email outlining the agreement the two of you have and what your expectations are moving forward.

Speaking of agreements, if you didn’t have a contract or something in writing for this particular campaign you should consider having people sign a contract for all future campaigns in which you’re sending them money. Outline the cost and what that cost includes, as well as a timeline for everything. I use a platform called OurDeal.com for digital contracts, and this is all you really need to protect yourself in the future.

I hope it all works out!

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Natalie MacNeil

Looks like Marie and I were writing responses at the same time ;) Again, I hope it works out for you Kristi!

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Kristi

Hi Natalie!

Thanks for your comments – seems like you are Marie were cosmically aligned on your responses :)

So, yes, I did pay for a full product review (and she did receive the product) which didn’t happen in December, nor did her gift guide (not just for me, but for any brands she may have also partnered with). This was all confirmed pre-product & payment.

Appreciate the Ourdeal.com link! I will use this going forward. :). Agreements are key. I’m the daughter of a lawyer ironically.. he would not be so proud at my laissez faire approach!

Intuitively, to me, I’m going to drop it – I’m not the type to threaten people for money. I gave her a detailed, stern-as-I-get email on the weekend outlining the agreement and what was delivered vs. not, and several nicer notes for the past few weeks..I will let the universe take care of the rest.

What I can take from Marie’s video is this has nothing to do with me – her blog, and social media has gone quiet since early December except for her posting pictures of her getting piercings & a tattoo. I take this as the universe helping me figure out who I DON’T want representing my brand (In a financially painful way LOL!)

Thanks again for sharing your POV. I’m a fan of your community!

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Grace Conyers

I’ve had that situation before when I first started my company. I found that if I make them sign a contract and go out there on a limb in some form of commitment, it turns out a lot better.

Marie is right, follow your heart on how to get closure on this one. I’ve tried all kinds of things in the past, but in the end the advice that mattered the most was the one that came from my gut instincts. I hope things work out for you in this case.

By the way, I LOVE the idea of the Chrysalis Cardi. That is amazing! I’m now inspired (and motivated) to get to work so I can save the money for one. =D

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Kristi

Hi Grace,

Thanks for your comments! Agree – contract is my key learning here. I thought I was being too formal doing that but realizing now, it breeds accountability!

I’m going to try to mentally close this one off and let it go at yoga tonight.

Elated to hear that you love the Cardi! Many new more colours to come…and a new design in the Spring ;-)

Cheers,
Kristi

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Lisa Cash Hanson

It also helps if you have an insider :) I’m a small business owner – Snuggwugg INC and I coach and I’m a blogger- Mompreneur Mogul. There are a lot of bloggers and some of they take on more than they can handle. I work with brands all the time and I’ve never done that. So in the future see if you can watch them a little more closely first, or find a network of bloggers, or a blogger with a stronger reputation.

Generally if they know they will be held accountable that will help.

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Kristi

Great tips Lisa!

I agree that I could’ve pre-researched her better. I worked with 4 bloggers in that time and they all delivered, and it paid off in sales. She was the outlier, but in retrospect, I rushed all of those partnerships b/c I was behind in planning for Holidays. Good reminder to do digging prior to forming these types of arrangements!

Thanks!

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sheila

Love it! What a great reminder. I will look at it again when I start to feel ungrounded.

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Caroline Frenette Intuitive Leadership Coach

What a beautiful challenge! I would even call it the “NO DRAMA” challenge!

Our ‘lil mind is so good at creating “drama thoughts” and the worst is; we believe in them! What if we looked at our thoughts in a fresh new way? What if we didn’t attach so much meaning to everything?

Oh the freedom!

What I know for sure: when I don’t take things personally (when I don’t believe so much the stories I tell myself) I create a whole lotta spaciousness for fresh new ideas and insights.

And that’s glorious.

XO

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Marie Forleo

Yes Caroline!

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Natalie MacNeil

I’ll take that challenge!

When I first started my business I took a lot of things personally but I quickly learned that rejection is a huge part of the process of building a business, and you just have to keep on keeping on. I know a lot of people who get really hurt by rejection, especially when pitching books and guest blog posts. It happens to all of us though! I got tons of rejections on my first book before, and it sucks, but you have to get over it and not let it paralyze you.

For anyone gets really hurt by rejection and feels like giving up, keep this posted somewhere to keep you going (you may have seen this making its rounds on the interwebs already):

If Howard Schultz gave up after being turned down by banks 242 times
there would be no Starbucks.

If J.K Rowling stopped after being turned
down by multiple publishers for years
there would be no Harry Potter.

If Walt Disney quit after his theme park concept was trashed 302 times
there would be no Disneyland.

So get over being blown off and don’t even think about giving up. You’ve got this!

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Katrina Sophia

where has subtitles gone to? I am profoundly deaf, I rely on subtitles to understand the video. every video I’ve watched so far are subtitled until this one.

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Marie Forleo

Hmmm — Katrina, we’ll investigate that and get back to you. We transcribe every video for YouTube!

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Louise - Team Forleo

Katrina,
The transcription/caption track has been uploaded to YouTube and it is there. I also see that there’s trouble loading it and I think it’s a YouTube problem. I will try to investigate with them and make sure it’s working as soon as possible!

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Louise - Team Forleo

Looks like the caption feature and the “transcript” option are both up and kicking. Always also feel free to write us at info@marieforleo.com so we can jump in things and get the tech troubles sorted (esp. when they involve our outside collaborators like YouTube!).
Louise

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mark

it’s great to see the effort you put into making sure every issue is addressed thoroughly! Great job!

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Kimberly

Marie,
Phew! You saved me. I had just posted a rank. I knew better, but posted it. Then I saw your video and…
I removed it and feel instantly healed.

Thanks!

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Kimberly

That’s a rant not a rank LOL. But, it was feeling a little ripe.

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Marie Forleo

Nice move Kimberly!! I knew what you meant and just want to congratulate you for honoring the higher, wiser part of yourself ;) Great work.

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Anne

you are always so timely with these videos, Marie…
I sent an email to one of my fave people before the holidays. She responded, saying yes to an interview for my magazine, Indie Lovely. I sent a few questions {maybe too many, I’ve since learned to keep them easy-ish to answer for super busy people} and never heard back. I sent a follow up email and let her know that I understand how busy she is and if she wants to be featured in my mag when her new book comes out to promote it I would love to include her. I haven’t heard back. I know she is busy, but my inner baby wah-wah is sad! I’m taking your challenge to not take it personally. thanks for reading my mind, again. xo

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Marie Forleo

Awesome share Anne!

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Theresa French

OH YEAH… I needed this TO–DAY! Recently launched a free journal as a list builder and asked several people in my “inner circle” (people I would consider my confidants and close friends and business peeps) to just read it over and give feedback on it before I launched it. ONE out of SIX of them actually gave me feedback. To say that I was feeling a little dejected is an understatement. The only thing I’ll say is this. I do think there is a fine line between “expecting a response” from someone you’re cold contacting vs someone who has SAID they will support you and have acknowledged your deadline. There are cases when other people simply do not make you (your project, your request) a priority and I think some discernment needs to be used in these cases. For the most part in this particular example though, I do think they were all very busy and just didn’t get time. I was taking it personally and said those words, “Fine, if they’re not gonna talk to me, I’m not gonna talk to them.” {blushing} #spoiledbrat THANK YOU Marie for your timely reminder… keep up the great work! Love your stuff!

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Africa Archield - Joy Strategist

So on point, Marie! I am definitely guilty of all three points. I especially feel so much shame when I forget something and remember it much much later!

My latest “why do they hate me?” moment was to my dissertation chair. I left the program, and came back. Thus, I needed to take a few classes that were “old.” It was rare for any of my postings to the class to get a response. It was absolute crickets for most of the posts. As was talking with my chair about it, and she asked why was I seeking approval from others in class. What about me demanded a response from them? Wow! I just hadn’t thought about it being my own neediness. Then she reminded me that most of the class are at the beginning of the journey, and I’m toward the end. I’ve been writing about things they may or may not have encountered yet. So, I had to get over myself, and just keep moving along!

Had another friend recommend the Four Agreements. I guess I’d better get to reading!

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Marie Forleo

This is absolutely awesome Africa — GREAT illustration of seeking approval — something all of us can do. oxo

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Africa Archield - Joy Strategist

Thanks, Marie! Sometimes it is hard to remember that approval should primarily come from within. So grateful for the loving smackdown from my chair.

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Cecilia Moorcroft

I really love this Africa and can totally relate. Thank you for sharing.

ox
Cecilia

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Jen Kiaba

It’s so easy to let the mental crazy train loose when we feel like we’re left hanging. But I like this approach; it allows me to let go of anxiety about the outcome and to continue to focus on the good thoughts!

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Jovanka

Yep, I’m gong through this very thing right now! Producing an online tele-summit AND a TV show and lord knows the crickets kinda suck! For me, it’s not about taking it personally but about continuing to hustle while being patient. I know this will happen, but being patient is a big life lesson for me. Like A Course In Miracle says: “those who are certain of the outcome, can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety”.

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Marie Forleo

awesome Jovanka. Patience is a biggie!

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caridad

Following up is SOOo important.
I’m in the process of trying to get featured on some interior decor blogs and remember that after having submitted my material, I heard nothing from them. I let 2 weeks go by and then sent them a nice follow up and guess what, I got featured!

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Hadda

Perfect video at the perfect time
I’m organizing a first event for my business on Saturday, and the place that I have rent for that’s time is challenging many change in his organization ( and that included people who are very close to me) so I’m not sure yes or no if I have the place ( at least if not I will do it in my house) and I want to talk about but in fact people involved are making a very important conference today so clearly no time for me. But before arrived in that conclusion and be ok with that, i was making all the scenarii in my head and I really messed a full day on it during a workshop I was doing with them.

I’m ready for the challenge.

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Marie Forleo

Awesome Hadda! And I like your back-up plan of hosting the event in your house if need be. This way you can prep your content with NO stress and focus on be present and of service :) xo

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Alicia

Loved this video, Marie! Just this week, I did a friendly follow up to an email from last week that may lead to future business and the person EVEN thanked me for following up because they have been slammed with new year nonsense…preach!

*adding the four agreements to my reading list*

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Robin Hallett

Yes! It isn’t all about us. It’s not personal. :-)

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Lynne Campanaro

Before I even turn it on, I am a bit worried about what this says about me. But I will be brave because I know it will only teach me valuable lessons. <3

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Marie Forleo

Be brave Lynne! We ALL take things personally (me included!) so this is simply a practice that brings more peace and happiness and fun to our lives :)

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Cecilia

Marie’s right Lynne, it probably says that you’re a human being just like the rest of us. ;)

Not taking things personally is a serious spiritual practice. Practice meaning that it’s something that you need to practice and practice and practice. Hope you found something of value in the video. :)

ox
Cecilia

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Susie Moore

This is so accurate! We are all guilty of not responding to stuff. Timing for me is often the reason and it is important to extend this understanding to others.

Yes, getting over ourselves is key. Don’t give up! It is very freeing to just do what we can and let go of the outcome.

Heart and have tweeted the Tweetable :)

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Cecilia Moorcroft

Hi Marie!
I feel a little trepidation but I am going to embrace the 48 hour challenge to not take anything personally.

Sometimes I feel like I’m such a sensitive flower and there are too many things to take personally.

I was trying to make plans with a friend of mine (we had discussed getting together the last time I saw him) and no matter how many texts I sent I heard NOTHING… It was frustrating and I was ready to just say forget it when I decided to send one last text that said “If you’re a no to getting together or if something’s changed that’s totally fine, I would just rather you say no than have to assume from your silence that you’re a no.”

Wouldn’t you know it, he texted back immediately and said that some family drama had come up and he was feeling really frustrated that it was messing with our plans. Since then, if he’s a no, instead of silence I get a no instead. He’s a good friend so I wouldn’t recommend this tactic with someone you don’t know very well, but phew, what a relief. I’d much rather hear “no, I’m busy” than crickets…

Thanks Marie! And as always thank you to your hair too, fabulous!

ox
Cecilia

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Cecilia Moorcroft

p.s. I already have to recommit to the 48 hours. I realized that after posting this, I read some other comments and then immediately hit refresh to see if anyone had replied to MINE. Oh jeez… Letting it go… I can really relate to Africa’s post above. Like me, like me, like me! ;) Hahahahaha!

ox
Cecilia

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Jenny

I also prefer – no I’m busy – to crickets.

I also love your honesty in posting about checking back to see if anyone liked your comment. I feel like nothing I post here resounds with anyone and have stopped commenting. But, who is the loser in that game? Me, for not taking the time to take the challenges Marie puts out.

Thanks for your comment, Cecilia.

Jenny

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Laura

Jenny I just had to reply to let you know I read your comment :)

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Jenny

Thanks, Laura!

Cecilia

Laura! How sweet are you… ;)

ox
Cecilia

Marie Forleo

Read and loved all around Jenny and Cecilia :) xoxo

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Cecilia

Yay Marie!! Not that I’m taking it personally or anything… ;)
ox
Cecilia

Melody

LOL, you’re personality is so cute! Don’t take it personally though!!!! (cracking up laughing). Not AT you, but because you’re funny in a good, wholesome, honest way. (Hey Marie!!!)

Cecilia

I’m glad to hear I’m not alone Jenny. :)

I would much rather hear no too. Even if it hurts or it’s uncomfortable, at least I know where I stand.

There is so much liberation in not taking things personally. After I wrote the last comment I had an email from a client thanking me for helping her feel confident enough to go for a get the job she really wanted. If I wasn’t doing the challenge, I would have taken that email as proof of my worthiness as well as taking the emails I don’t receive as proof of my suckiness. ;)

Please comment Jenny, there are so many comments I read and get value from that I don’t respond to, and I’m sure I’m not alone.

oxo
Cecilia

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Africa Archield - Joy Strategist

Love your direct approach, Cecilia! My dad was really big into giving people a way to “save face.” Even though what you say is direct, I still think you are allowing people to “save face” in that the reason why doesn’t matter to you, just what is definitively is going on.

I would like to think that you refreshed to see what other brilliant things you could learn from this community! At least, that’s what I tell myself. :D

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Cecilia

Hi Africa!
It was hard for me to send that text, but I have to say that I think he was totally relieved to be given permission to say no.

It’s true, I do love this community and learn so much but I’ll honest with myself, I wanted the “likes”. ;) So does that mean that I’m not alone in the “refresh to see if I have comments” game? Glad to hear it!

ox
Cecilia

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Eve

Oh, Marie, timely as always. I sent an email to a prominent blogger a few days ago. I know he’s super busy and wasn’t expecting to hear back right away, but that’s my what-I-should-think voice. My what-I-actually-think voice starts saying “Was I too wordy? Too overconfident? Too [insert random adjective here]?

I spend way too much time second-guessing myself because of other people’s actions, or lack thereof. Thank you for reminding me that I need to let all that sh*t go.

Love and purple,

Eve

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Puja

Marieeeeeeeee!! I LOVE YOU. When your email came in I said to myself “Marie has an answer to this?! I have to check it out because I’m being ‘blown off’ (not like that!) right now!” I just loved the reminder about not taking things personally. I breathed a deep sign of relief right away. The Four Agreements is one of my all-time favorite books. Thank you for the wonderful reminder. Your videos always come at the perfect time for me. Love and deep gratitude <3

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Barbara

I’m also a work in progress. I’ve been very conscious of not being self centered and I remind myself of the times I’ve been slow to respond. It’s a full proof plan. I am not the center of the universe!
If it continues, is a sign not to put so much effort into a person that isn’t as into “it” as I am. No biggie.

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Marie Forleo

Nice Barbara and, for what it’s worth — I haven’t met anyone who isn’t a work in progress :)

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Nicole Ouellette

I wrote this blog post awhile back about this exact thing. I’d love some thoughts on this: http://breakingeveninc.com/on-handling-things-well/

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Erin

Yes I am totally up to and need the 48 hour challenge of not taking things personally. After reading I realize I take most things personally, but at the same time I like what you say about us determining the outcome of each situation and analyzing what you could have done differently.

Starting challenge now. :)

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Jai Louys, Romantic Poet, Author, Cosmetologist

Well, in all honesty, Marie, I felt blown off this morning when I did not find my normal e-mail MarieTV update in my inbox…I started to panic, a bit…felt it may have been a “personal thing”…Wondered “why ME, Marie…WHY me”…Then my mind went everywhere…I considered even how last week, when you were soooo free, loving and liberal in “replying” to other fans comments…how “mine” went unnoticed, ignored, STRAIGHT OUT DISSED!!…Then I watched that amazing video this morning and reassessed…Oooh, maybe this isn’t about “Me”, as I thought…Maybe this is just a server error of e-mail subscription glitch that would be easily “corrected” once “the Wonderful and Magnificent Queen Marie” found out…then I thought, “Hey, she may even acknowledge me with a reply in the comment section, too”…A true “dream” relived and fulfilled, like getting an autograph from you favorite celebrity!! So, I have shook it off and await the reaffirming responses necessary to relieve my sorrow and pain of being KICKED TO THE CURB (old school terms) by the lovely Marie…I miss you Marie and your outstanding team…you, also, looked PERFECTLY MODEL PERFECT in todays video…your “hair stylist & fashion coach” is the BOMB!!! BOOM….I dedicate Beyoncé’s “XO” song to you this morning, my Queen!! Audi 5000 (or better yet…”Audi R8 like Christian Gray”…

XO

Jai

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Jai Louys, Romantic Poet, Author, Cosmetologist

Ahhh haaa…the e-mail update JUST CAME THROUGH!!! Now, if only I can be bless with a celebrity comment;-)

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Marie Forleo

No celebrity here Jai :) Anything you appreciate in me is something you have within you as well. SO glad to have you here and thank you for always creative and loving comments!

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Jai Louys

Look…str8 up with NO CHASER…”You”, Marie, are a unique personality serving ALL of us whom see that you business insight is on point…the addition of you fun, cool, sexy personality adds icing to the cake…I love being here and adding creativity is where we are two peas in a pod…”We” are lucky to have you each week…”He” is lucky to have you EACH DAY…Plus, he found you first…shucks!! Nevertheless, thank you for being “You” and I, like others have falling in love with you…My Queen, Business Mentor, and Friend…Have a blessed day and KNOW someone out here cares about “You” and all that you have too offer in this life…XO

Jai

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Tracy Rickard

This was a SUPER helpful video right when I needed it. I’ve been struggling with taking it personally when people don’t show up to my health and wellness workshops. I think I don’t have compelling copy, what my topic is isn’t worth the time, I’m not supposed to be a Health Coach….meh. I have been really working on this year feeling excitement more and worrying about who shows up is NOT a feeling a excitement.

My challenge is in not taking it personally and working at a better game plan next time AND trying not to worry beforehand that it won’t work out. It’s a chicken or egg question. Which one starts this cycle?

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Jennifer

This is great advice Marie and one that I try to remind myself of often. I am a mental health therapist and sometimes clients just stop coming. It is like they fall off the face of the planet. I used to get caught up in thoughts like “I am a terrible therapist” or “What did I do wrong”. These days, I don’t take those thoughts personally or what the clients did personally. Sometimes, when I eventually do hear back from those clients, they tell me they stopped coming because they felt they were in a good place, or because they became so busy, etc. Thanks for the video. It is a good reminder!

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Grace Conyers

Challenge more than accepted!

I live by the “take nothing personal” rule, but it’s probably because I’m so busy I don’t really think about the failures. Focusing on the positive and running with it was the top skill I learnt in my university life.

I hope a lot of people take up the challenge and learn how liberating it can be — even when you’re nervous about starting something new.

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Marie Forleo

Nice Grace — I’m with you on focusing on the positive ;)

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Carol Dekkers

Marie,
This was one of the best posts/videos ever! I tell people around me all the time about The Four Agreements – and that when people don’t meet our “expectations” it’s usually not about us!

Thanks for saying this better than I could… I’ve posted it on Facebook!

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Marie Forleo

Thanks for sharing it Carol — I appreciate that!

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Cameron S.

Hoo boy, did I need this today! One of my resolutions in heading into the New Year in my business is to let myself feel confident that what I put out there is good enough. As in, not waiting for confirmation from someone else that it is (and drowning in angst over it in the meantime). Others are busy, and frankly, they’ve got a million and one other things to do and think about besides giving me a pat on the back for every piece of work I do. I have to own it, not take radio silence as confirmation that I actually, really, secretly suck, and trust that if something ain’t right, the wonderful people who hire me will let me know! Thanks for giving my resolution a “holla!”, Marie!

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Rohan Sarker

Dear Marie,

Thank you very much for the Video. I had taken an oath that now I will not take anything personally if someone do not respond to my emails.

Regards
Rohan Sarker
Software Engineer, Telecom Specialist & HR
rohansarker@hotmail.com
http://about.me/rohansarker
+917278539338
+913324288069
+919674221741
Skype: arati_genius

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Lilly

My very first refund a couple of years ago left me feeling crushed, sad and having a pity party. I did learn a lot about customer service and have been grateful for the experience.

This past week, I have been running a deal and who should sign up again but this past member who I had built up in my head hated me. I was confused. But, I’ve been running a survey as well and she took it. Turns out the whole problem had been with her server which was now finally fixed. She went on to write a glowing testimonial. In one swoop my mind took her from ‘hater’ to biggest fan.

This has been such a valuable lesson in not taking things personally! I hope to remember this for future refunds or client issues.

Marie- your timing is perfect, as usual. Thanks!

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Cecilia

Wow Lilly, what a HUGE lesson. I’ve also learned with refunds that it’s almost never about me and what I can offer, but more that the person isn’t ready to receive it More often than not, they come back when they are.

Love this story!
ox
Cecilia

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Jennifer Bardall

Honestly, not much that I’ve taken personally has proven later to not be personal.

That being said, I try to just let things roll because I read The Four Agreements many years ago and that’s one that stuck out the most to me.

I have had proof of its truth in my life, though. My husband ALWAYS takes things personally (it kinda drives me nuts). We decided to host my family for Thanksgiving this year, even though his aunt hosts as well. He never mentioned to them that we wouldn’t be there…but then again they never invited us, either. And even though we had no plans of going there anyway, my husband took their lack of invitation personally. “Why don’t they want us there”, etc. No matter how many times I asked him to let it go…a few days later he’d bring it up again. Finally he found out that they weren’t having it this year because of a loss on their side of the family. Sheesh! All that drama for nothing!

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Cecilia

I’m curious about this Jennifer, when you really break it down to it’s roots, is it personal?

Don Miguel Ruiz would say that even if someone is pointing a gun at your head, it’s not personal.

I can see that there are things that definitely involve me, but the source (someone else’s reactions) really has absolutely nothing to do with me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t react or take it on as my story or make it about me, but it’s not really helpful for anyone if I do that.

It feels personal, that’s for sure, but feelings are another matter.

ox
Cecilia

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Amanda

I am launching my new business and have been sending out a ton of emails, connecting on facebook and am hearing nothing back. I have sent out the test emails, test texts and started to really question what I was even thinking changing the path of my business and life. Needless to say this video came out at the perfect time and I am going to use Marie’s followup method to reach out later in the week and not take things to personally!

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Jamila

I have learned with my company that only writing once and waiting for people to write back or respond is really a waste of time. You should really write back and call and write back again if you want to get what you are looking for. That is just the way it works, specially when you are selling something. Good luck with that!

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Cecilia

Amanda, I know that I always appreciate a reminder. Sometimes there are people or things I want to support but they get lost. I had a facebook friend who was running a charity marathon but I didn’t have money at the time to support her, so I asked her if she could send me a personal message closer to the date. She made another facebook post (which I missed) but didn’t send me the personal reminder so I missed out on being able to sponsor her for the race. When you’re starting out it’s especially important to send individual emails and messages to people.

Good luck!
Cecilia
ox

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Jamila

Hi Marie,
I think that when it is about business it is often not personal that people don’t answer back and we should really get bak to people when we really think they are important. However, in personal life when a guy doesn’t answer to sms or call or other kind other kind of communication platform, that behaviour might be a clue that we should not pursue them. Don’t you agree? Or do you think that nothing is personal and that one should just try again?
Thanks a lot your very good and inspiring work!
J

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Marie Forleo

Hey Jamila, great point. In the dating world (vs. personal friends/family/etc.) it can be different and I would not recommend reaching multiple times with no response. I wrote a whole book relationships — specifically about managing your energy around them. If you haven’t read Make Every Man Want You: How To Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself, you should! Despite the tongue-in-cheek title, it’s very spiritual and will help you with this exact situation.

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Bianca

This is a big problem I’ve struggled with so it’s nice to talk about. As a young writer I am learning how much rejection is out there as well us praise. Sometimes ill do a reading and the positive remarks will get to my head and when I don’t get them I will worry that I’m not that good and if I’m not the best I won’t have a bestseller. It’s a lot of pressure. As a dancer growing up people would praise me after recitals and when I got to a serious performing arts high school I was shot down and criticized during because I was not a ballerina. This led to a major depression. Dance had always been my strong point and now I didn’t even have that. Then, at the senior show we did a Latin dance with ballet and modern elements and I got a bunch of praise again because it was more aligned with my stregnths as a dancer. Shows are almost like ego trips. I would like to reach a point where I am grateful for all praise and criticism and not let it control my mood, although the praise gives me a high. What’s your advice on that?

Also, it’s hard not to care about other people taking things personally. It was very hard for me not to respond to my ex who has lied to me too many times after 6 months no contact because “I felt bad.” Feeling bad for people is a major weakness of mine but most of the time and it always bites me in the ass.

Thank you Marie!

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M.Chery

This video was totally for me!!! I have been telling myself for months now, stop taking things so personally. I love the way you put it, it is being selfish and thinking everything is about me.

I need this challenge in my life so it is accepted!!!! Thank you for your wonderful videos Marie :-*

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Shawn

Over the years with the dedicated, high-level work that I do, a lot of the business I’ve had as “come to me”. Silly me… I know now that if I truly want to make the impact I know is possible, I need to reach out and connect with people operating at a high level too.

I’ve been a little “hit it and quit it” lol when it comes to contacting people that I’m interested in working with. I’ll reach out once, but if there’s no reply I just move on without following up. Honestly, I get a lot of email, and I wish more people would follow up with ME to help me know who is really serious. I can’t remember a time that I didn’t get back in touch with someone who sent a follow up email or phone call. I need to learn from this like right now!

Thanks so much, Marie!

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kathleen rose

oh boy do I have a hard time with this one! Especially when it is something HUGE. Last spring I was laid off. I took it very personally at the time. It was hard to separate myself from the situation and see that it was not about me – it was a business decision made by execs who had never met me. Time has healed that wound, and I know it was a good thing for me in the long run.

I’ve also gone through the job search process and it was very hard then not to take it personally when I didn’t get the job or the interview. But most likely the company was swamped with applicants or looking for someone else – that does not reflect badly on me!

I’ve been working hard on putting my best foot forward…and not caring about the results. I think you MUST approve of yourself and love yourself — and then other people’s opinions matter less and less.

Starting now I am taking the 48 hour challenge. Thanks Marie.

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Anna

TOTALLY ON BOARD WITH THIS CHALLENGE MARIE!
This is something I struggle with CONSTANTLY, especially in my business/work life. I allow other people’s non-responsiveness to cause negative thoughts to creep back into my head.
Recently, I thought a friend was blowing me off when I sent her multiple messages and didn’t hear back. I was convinced she was ignoring me or upset over something I may have done. Turns out, she was dealing with lots of family drama.

I’m going to be using your script today when I followup with some prospects that I haven’t heard back from in weeks. Once again, your wisdom has humbled me and lessened my ego.

THANK YOU!

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Irina

Challenge accepted! The clock starts now…

As for past experiences, I’ve worked in sales so they kind of just blur together. One valuable insight I gathered from my work though is that not all quick responses are necessarily good ones, so being kind, persistent and taking yourself out of the equation can be much more valuable than whatever incorrect first impression you may have had.
Thanks for the video Marie!

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wendy reese

I am up for the challenge, even knowing the moment I say “yes,” there will be lots of “Are you serious?” moments arriving. Alas, I say yes.

I would love to share one moment, but there’s so incredibly many as taking things personally is the limitation I have been playing in for…oh… decades. New year, new me, and 48 hours is do-ble. Just may lead to another and another!
infinite love+gratitude,
Wendy

http://www.wholebeinginc.com
Author of “Just Tell Me What To Do!” A guide to becoming the true YOU

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Ashley Slaughter

Ooooo Challenge Accepted Marie! I loved today’s episode. My sweet boyfriend will thank you for the major wisdom I picked up today .

-Thank You, Thank You!

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Keshia

Great message, Marie! It helps to take the pressure off of yourself by not taking things personally! I am definitely up for the challenge.

-Keshia

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Mimika Cooney

Fabulous reminder that “What about me?” isn’t about me.
I’ve just added part of your verbiage to my follow up script, thanks for sharing Marie!!!

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Dana

I took a bridge job (thanks for that name, by the way) last fall with my church while I build my online business to teach social media marketing to churches, missionaries and ministries. Part of the enticement presented to me was real-world experience in social media with a church. Ministers asked specific questions when I came on staff. I put together a training and invited the two teams who were interested and ended up being totally blown off. It was super-confusing since they had requested the help! I felt disappointed that I wouldn’t be getting the “real-world” experience promised to me. In the last month, I’ve made an effort to not take it personally, but the truth is that I want to take that part of my skillset and go play on my own side of the playground.(Obviously, I haven’t been very successful at blowing off the rejection!)

During my 48 hour challenge, I will follow up and offer the resource again, I’ll be more precise in explaining how it benefits them AND I won’t take it personally if this isn’t something they want. (Now, can someone hold my hand!? *kidding*)

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dj

High 5 to you Dana, for going at it again!
Having worked with several churches as a consultant and Support Group leader, it is confusing when resources are asked for without any action taken or follow up. I think your idea of being more specific is spot on, and all the best with getting some response this time.

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Dana

Thanks for the encouragement, DJ! Ministry is interesting because when your work is people the “bottom line” is hard to define. My business clients are quite clear that they ultimately want sales as their result. I worked in ministry myself for 9 1/2 years. Then three years at Chevron before I launched my business. In retrospect, I can see the ambiguity of defining success.
It’s a totally different dynamic.

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Dana

NEXT DAY UPDATE:
So, yesterday I sucked it up and scheduled a chat with my boss. I told him what was up without getting all bent out of shape. (Not taking it personally!) He indicated that the first attempt was bad timing. He offered to lead the charge on getting the teams to the training. #win

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Steph

Two things to keep in mind when dealing with organizations like churches:
1) Ministers are trained in seminaries, not business organization and management. They may be well-versed in the Bible, not so much in marketing. The fact that these churches asked for your services and then didn’t follow up means NOTHING except that the leaders aren’t in the mindset of ‘good management and communication with employees’ and ‘developing this institution for the twenty-first century.’
2) A lot of the people who make things happen in churches are volunteers. When stress levels get high, particularly when people have families and full-time jobs, volunteer work goes to the bottom of the priority list. They may expect that as a paid employee, it’s your job to flog them into doing what they said they’d do. I don’t know if this is the case in your situation, of course, but it’s something to keep in mind.

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Peg Fitzpatrick (@PegFitzpatrick)

Marie,

Great video as always – The Four Agreements is one of my favorite books as well. I recently had someone blow up at me on social media because he felt ignored and created a huge dialog in his head. Then a huge foolish rant or two in public. I sent him a copy of The Four Agreements and I hope he will see the wisdom and get the lessons.

Save yourself the {internal} drama and grow! Thanks!!

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Maria

I believe that “no” is often the first step to “yes”. That’s exactly what I tell myself when the familiar cricket sound comes along.

Magic happens when you follow up. Especially when it comes to PR you gradually transform from a stranger to someone who’s familiar. If your stuff is good they can’t keep ignoring you forever! “Yes” is on the way!

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Lara

This comes at just the right time when I was waiting for an email back from a client asking if could get feedback on some editing work I had done for them. When I didnt hear for a couple of days, I found out they had been really sick for a week. Ok, fair enough. So now I assume they are busy catching up since they probably are better, if they are. Anyway this video inspires me to write at the end of the week to follow up. Thanks for the reminder!

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Lisa

Marie,
I take everything personally! This will be a difficult challenge for me but a good one. I suspect that I don’t have a thick enough skin and I am also unaware of some things I might be doing to create the situations or conversations that don’t go the way I would like and take the results personally. I’ll try it and see what happens. It’s on!
Lisa

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Ang

Thanks as always! Good stuff!!!

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Lauren Friend

Challenge accepted! I have a huge problem with this issue, I know not to take everything personally, but I do anyway.Thank You for verbalizing it now I will be more mindful of when I’m taking anything personally!

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Marie Forleo

awesome Lauren :)

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Jessica

Thank you for this Marie. This is so relevant to what I’ve been experiencing. I’m currently unemployed and have applied for over 100 jobs and a lot of time, hear nothing back. Recently I reached out to someone I had met with in my industry and didn’t hear back right away. Immediately I jumped to the conclusion that there must have been something in my email that offended her. Ridiculous but that’s how my brain works!! I went back and read it and it was a great email. She got back to me a few days later and said she hoped we could work together in the future. It was a great lesson for me because although I really try to fight those negative voices in my head, sometimes it’s hard to keep up the positive thinking after being unemployed for 5 months. This is one of the reasons why I find your videos and emails so helpful; you’re my voice of reason ;) Thanks for doing what you do!!

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Mridu Parikh

Marie, perfect timing (as usual). I sent messages to a few “big wigs” in my industry a couple of months ago and I was just thinking how it was no surprise that they wouldn’t get back to me. Basically I copped out of following up. But of course, they could be swamped or simply off their radar. I’m going to follow up this week. Thank you!
(also, so great to see you’re response to so many blog comments lately — missed you for a while! :)

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Marie Forleo

Hey Mridu! I’m happy to be back too. There were many times in the fall that the only times I could book writing time or other crucial meetings was on Tuesdays. While I was disappointed not being in the comments, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do :) xoxo

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Mridu Parikh

Of course – and no complaints here. Just so happy your schedule has allowed for it now. Love, love, love all your wisdom and insights. xoxo

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Christine S

Hi Marie – as is often the case, just when you need a message/lesson the most, up it pops! This is certainly true of this video today. As someone who recently launched their own consulting biz, I’m learning the hard way that things take longer than I’d like to materialize, it’s rarely personal, and patience peppered with some kind follow-up when necessary is more successful and feels better than fretting and wondering if my email is down :) Thanks for the reminder to stay cool and confident, and for all the other great stuff you put into the world!!

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The Get In Shape Girl

Great advice Marie! This is stuff EVERYONE needs to hear, and hear again and again and again. Eventually it starts to click. As I’ve grown mentally and emotionally I have learned to take SOOOOO much less personally. However, one thing I have encountered recently is facebook comments. My business FB page has increased by 20,000 followers over the last 6 weeks and people are starting to leave negative comments. It’s never happened before and I try to make people very aware that the negativity isn’t welcome on my page. People say nasty things about the success story photos I put up of my clients, like it’s not really them, or they don’t see any changes, or that person should have been able to lose more than 20 lbs in 6 months.. So it’s not like I’m taking it personally because I can handle attacks against me, but attacks against my clients is something I won’t stand for. I try to take the high road, but I would love to hear more from you on this subject!

What would you do when someone leaves a public comment that is negative or nasty toward someone you have been working with?

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Steph

I would immediately delete the comment, and send the person a private message letting them know that abusive comments are not tolerated on my page. Opening up your clients to public abuse is unacceptable.

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Mónica

Challenge accepted Marie!

I’m Mexican and now I’m traveling on Canada, I constantly meet people that make comments about my accent. Thanks to this Tolteca wisdom I’ve learned that it’s not about me; in fact, I am motivated to sign in in a Business English course.

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Candice

Thanks Marie! I really needed this reminder today. The four agreements was the first spiritual book I read fifteen years ago. Sometimes it’s just about getting back to the basics. Thank you Smart, Pretty Lady!!!

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nakeia

I totally needed this video this week! I’m joining the challenge.

I have a minor issue with taking things personally. But, I have to work through it on a daily basis—literally. As a song writer and music publisher, I submit songs to major labels and artists daily. As soon as I press send on an email, I say these 2 short prayers:

“This song will land where it is needed most.” “My diligence will be rewarded.”

The purpose of those prayers is to release my work with confidence and to remind myself not to take any response ( or lack of response) personally.

I realize that what ever I have to offer the industry or the world can’t be received if I am holding on to it or feel the need to control the process.

Your video reminded me to apply this same principle to my plan to ask for interviews for my show Nakeia TV. I have been resisting the idea for about 6 months because I wanted to control the responses I would get when I asked.

Since I run 2 businesses (songs + motivational lifestyle expert,) I know what it feels like to be swamped. So, before I assume I’m being blown off, I will chill and enjoy the process.

Good Stuff Marie!

Nakeia

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Lisa Lai

Marie,
Please – take this personally. This is a great Q&A Tuesday! I look forward to these every week, but this one was particularly helpful. I have a bookmark on Agreement #2 and read it often. This was a great reminder of how to apply it to an everyday life situation.
Thanks so much!
Lisa

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Candice

Don’t take that compliment personally. (Although it’s true). Lol!

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MARGARET

This came at the perfect time. I am going to lean in and reach out to a few people. Thank you for the challenge and inspiration. I am motivated!

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Fi Phillips

I’m up for that challenge. Taking non response personally and imagining all kind of reasons why I’d apparently been rejected was a terrible habit of mine in the past but I’ve wised up to myself more recently (mostly – I still have the odd, sensitive day).

The most recent example of this was last year and not work related. I’m part of the parent and teachers association at my children’s primary school. When everyone else was informed about a meeting and I wasn’t (didn’t find out until after it had happened), I assumed that I was left out on purpose. The chairwoman and her cronies didn’t think I was good enough, etc., etc. It turned out that it had been an honest mistake and people (including the chair) had wondered why I wasn’t there. I was wanted after all.

Great topic.

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Kay Ross

Great advice as always, Marie! My anecdote: a few years ago I met with an author about editing her book. Nothing ever came of it. I jumped to the conclusion that she thought I wasn’t good enough to do the work. Fast forward… just a week ago she contacted me about working with her on a new project. I mentioned our previous experience, asked her why she never got back to me, and told her about the conclusion I’d jumped to. She explained that there were circumstances that meant she couldn’t go ahead with the project at that time – it had nothing to do with me. And she thanked me for my honesty in wanting to clear the air. So now we both feel excited about going ahead with her new project. And whatever anyone thinks, I KNOW I’m good enough!

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Kim

Wow, this came at the perfect timing. I met a woman from a friend in person and she was interested in my coaching servcies. I texted her and left phone messages with no response. Then I hear from my friend that this woman told her “I am not doing that coaching”. I was so pissed and angry. The nerve of that woman not calling me back. She could of told me in person. I dont like people who cannot respond. it tells me what type of person she is. So, I can see the judgement here. And I can let it go and look what I could of done differently. Not sure what yet, though. Any suggestiosn from anyone.?

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Lia

Great video especially for those of us trying to connect with busy people when we aren’t busy yet!

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Jacqueline

Wow Marie,

Could this have been better timed? Absolutely in-the-face slap of reality! Thank you, I have been taking things too personally recently and this was a wake up call.

I’m on board with the challenge. 48 hours of awesomeness ahead! :)

Thank you MarieTV (MTV? haha) team!

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Carrie

Hello to Marie and the whole Marie TV community!

I’ve been watching Marie’s videos for about a year, but this is my first time commenting. I’m getting ready to launch my business and Marie has been a *huge* help and inspiration.

I recently contacted a well-known figure in my industry, and I’ll admit…I took it personally when I didn’t hear back. This video was a great reminder that I don’t need to take this personally. The Four Agreements was a life changing book for me, as well.

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Kathie

I am a big believer in responding to email and phone calls in a timely manner….it’s a muscle I have worked on over the span of 35 years, working in media. It freaks people out when I call back or email back quickly and I love that. I recognize that not many people do this, indeed some think that if they appear to eager, we’ll think they’re not successful or something silly. Really? Being straight up with people about whether you can or can’t help them, work with them, date them, have random coffee with them creates time in your life to do the things you really want to do.
Also with respect to Marie’s example of a group who was too busy to work with her….my feeling is that they should have kept her info and followed up with her…I mean if they really wanted to stand out as outstanding.

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Karla Ticona

In the past, I used to get frustrated about emails/phone calls I sent with no reply. This happened particulary with a business partner I had, one day she did not show up for a meeting we agreed and she didn’t reply emails or fb messages or text, nothing. Months later she wrote me telling me that she wanted to talk. We got on skype and had a long and profund conversation. In the end, she told me that she had other things that caught all her attention and energy and made it impossible to get back to me. She apologized and did the most amazing – unexpected thing; she told me she was following up the things I was doing and told me she was praying for me and my projects.

Now, I totally valued the fact that she called and that even if we are not biz partners now; we have respect for each other. From a biz point of view, yes, at the time, I was a bit upset, but thanks goodness I listen to my gut and kept doing my part and grew my business. In the end, everything turned out fine.

This was a huge lesson, sometimes, you can not push people to run with you to the finish line. Sometimes, you just have to keep running, bless the people who are by your site and continue doing your part (which may include working with new people and especially working within yourself and your mind to develop character and enjoy the run till the finish line, e.g. till you meet your goals and dreams)

Thank you for this one Marie! Big love from Perú!

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Alexis Meads | Self Love Coach

Love this topic, Marie!

The Four Agreements is one of my favorite books, and I think the agreement of “not taking things personally” is especially needed. I am up to the 48 hour challenge! I will not take anything personally, and certainly not use the outcome to judge my own self-worth.

xox,
Alexis

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Melinda + Loves

I am most certainly guilty of taking the actions of others personally and it certainly boiled down to emotional immaturity a lot of which is a family inheritance. Thank heavens I’ve made the decision to end this devastating cycle of “emotional smallness” to end with me.

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Miriam

Thanks so much! I really needed to hear this. I have sent out emails to customers with no reply. I’ll Followup again with them. Thanks again. Hugs.

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Melissa Cassera

This is AWESOME Marie! This is especially true when contacting journalists – so many entrepreneurs (and even PR pros) take it personally when a magazine editor or TV producer doesn’t get back to them. I used to feel that way early in my career, and I’d invent these crazy stories in my mind about how they hated me and thought I was super unprofessional. I wish I transcribed my brain back then because those stories would have made a really good movie about a frazzled girl who couldn’t grasp reality. :-)

This also got me thinking about being on the other end of requests, and how to handle them. Maybe it would be cool for us to address this in a cheeky + fun way by having an email autoresponder or some language on our websites saying something like: “If you’re interested in an interview/JV partnership/etc and I don’t get back to you right away, it doesn’t mean I hate you forever and think you suck. In fact, I totally love you for contacting me in the first place. My lack of timely response just means I’m totally swamped with serving clients, jet setting ’round the world, and walking/playing/snuggling my dog. I’ll do my best to respond within ‘x’ number of days but if I can’t respond just know – it’s me, not you :-)”

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Melody

Great idea Melissa! I have a tongue-in-cheek message on my contact page because of business solicitors. However, yours has a really great vibe to it. It’s fantastic! xo M

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Heather Ferreira

As a TV and film producer, I want to assure you it isn’t personal; in fact it’s just legal. We’re not allowed to respond to, much less even look at, unsolicited emails and/or material from people outside our production circle, because doing so can go very wrong under certain circumstances.

I always feel sad when people I have never met, or met briefly and do not know, send me emails. Our studio website says do not send unsolicited materials, but they always send it anyway, thinking they and their shining new idea are the “one exception”. I remember what it was like when I was trying to break through. Those silences back from people I admired and wanted to work with were devastating.

I am now in their place and understand why they could not respond to me. Please know that we do know you have great ideas, and they we care about you as people and fellow creatives.

We just cannot read or answer your queries. I wish we could, but sadly, it is not that kind of world. :(

And one day, with your talent, you will be in our situation feeling sad when people you have not met send YOU unsolicited materials. Wish these people white light and the best, and know it is never personal.

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Courtney Pinkerton

yes I’m in for the 48 day challenge. Just read the four agreements over the holidays and dug it! Thanks for preaching. Love how you integrate spiritual truths with business realities (like how to handle crickets.) One tip I’m learning on this front is to get really centered with myself first before I reach out. As you frequently remind, people can really feel our energy or the nature of the intent, even over email. So if I’m feeling graspy or insecure, that will come through. Instead I aim to be generous in my tone — whether reaching out to someone to collaborate or saying no to someone in a nice way– and to actually feel that generosity and groundedness in my body when I respond. If i’m not feeling that way, usually I just need to sleep on it. And can craft the email easier and with less energy the next day or when i’m ready. big gratitude to you for opening the whole wide world of online marketing and biz-ownership to me last year through b school and keeping the wisdoms coming!

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Sarah Jordan

I love that you quoted The Teachings of Don Juan! Those books were like my best friends in high school.

My favorite part of the video: Someone says “Marie, you suck!” and you go, “That’s your problem.” ha ha ha ha.

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Lara Dalch

Ha! You’re totally in my head, Marie. I was literally JUST whining to my mastermind group about a less than stellar (read: non-existent) response to an email I sent out. In fact, the subject line of the email I sent to my mastermind group was “Crickets.” ;)

THANK YOU for the reminder to get over myself and realize that it’s not always about me. I can think of so many times in my life and in my business when I created unnecessary drama in my head about being ignored. Such a waste of energy and time!

So, yes, I’m in for the 48 hour challenge. xo

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Diana

Feelin’ the healin’ today! Thank you Marie and Team for this great insight! My hang up has been, ‘I take the time to be genuine and follow through…why can’t they do the same for me?!’ This video schooled me on my attitude…girl, where is the focus? The tweetable was an amazing way to explain specifically what’s going on when I take the situation too personally. I accept your 48-hour challenge and will be reporting back when I have done my part to fulfill it :)
PS–I have been anxiously awaiting B-School to start since I signed up with the early birds back in the fall…someone please speed up the calendar! Much love.

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ed

Gracias Muy Bueno

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Leila Alicea

I try not to ever take anything personally. I always ask myself; “What are other people’s negative comments or actions going to do to enhance my life?” And the answer always is NOTHING! So I ignore them and go on about my life. If I get blown off I look over how I delivered myself via email or phone and determine whether or not I sounded appropriate and professional and if the answer to that is yes, I will follow up. If after that no response I will leave it alone and move on to my next challenge. No sweat. Not taking anything personal for 48 hours. Piece of cake!

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Bri

Ok, here’s a question: How do you decide if it really is personal? I swear, my boss systematically ignores giving me information, leaves me out of discussions with my peers and only speaks to me when he’s handing me some monumental task (with a 30 minute deadline). I’m trying not to take any of this personally “he’s really busy,” “He’s got people coming at him from all sides” etc. But it’s really starting to drive me bonkers.

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Marie Forleo

Hey Bri. It’s a tough one. A few thoughts to consider.

1. It’s truly not personal. Your boss is trying to get things done and may operate from a consistent space/energy of being overwhelmed/behind deadline/etc. I’ve encountered many folks who reside in what I call a whirling dervish state.

They’re good folks, just not always aware of how their actions impact others.

2. You haven’t spoken up for yourself –in real time — to ask why you’re not included in conversations (there may be a good reason and you won’t know until you ask), nor requested more more info/time to properly do your job. This takes bravery, tact and finesse of course, but it’s completely possible to get in partnership with your boss and get on the same page.

Hope this helps!

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Leanne Richards-Williams

I like this question Bri.

Awesome response Marie.

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Bri

Thanks for your reply Marie, I really appreciate it. I’ve been telling myself it’s not personal, and mostly doing well at accepting that “it’s not all about me.” I know that my boss is a good guy and he’s doing his best. It’s just that sometimes I hit the wall and can’t take one more second.

You’re absolutely right about me not standing up for myself in real time. I normally try to quell my knee jerk reactions and respond at a later/ more appropriate time (in the middle of staff meeting does no good, for me or anyone else in the room). By the time later comes around, I’ve either cooled off enough to brush it off again or I’ve lost the thread of all the little slights that make me feel so ignored. Therefore I say nothing. I guess I need to work on tactful responses to deliver in the moment so I don’t leave everything for later.

Thanks again!

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John

Hi Marie,

Wow! Today I went for it! I actually took my personal feelings out of the equation for my business venture that I have been working so hard to launch and I was blessed with a new incite>! I found poise, I found my inner guidance with respect to my worth and who I am..and it was like it was almost to easy.hmmm.What a great day! Thanks Marie for the save point.

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Mark Turnbull

I have had that happen many a times and gotten the same advice. Although, it took awhile for it to sink and for me to follow. Now I view them as learning opportunities. And maybe there is a reason this is happening right now and that something better is coming down the road.

Thanks,
Mark

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Sweta

This happened to me recently. A friend had made a sarcastic remark on my personal Facebook page and I got upset and responded but then took it off and sent her a personal message owning up and expressing why it offended me. Needles to say I was still feeling sensitive because a couple of weeks later, I quoted myself on my business page and someone wrote, “good one, I’m going to add that to line to the book of things Sweta told me” it showed up as I wote it, so I didn’t know who wrote it. I immediately assumed it was a sarcastic comment because that previous friend mentioned me “preaching” I knew I was being presumptious so I wrote “note sure who wrote this and the intention but I wish you well” I got a private MSG from one of my clients who volunteered to be an admin for me that said I wrote it and meant no harm, basically she like the quote and showed up as Drsweta cause she had admin status on my page. Boy did I feel like a dodo but am grateful I did not write anything super reactionary!

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Stephanie @ the Forest of Healing

yep, this is super advice! I tend to take things SO personally when it is about something that I have put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into. (duh – I’m sure it’s that way for everyone!) As a creative person, when I’ve taken a risk and put my writing or artwork out in the public and heard crickets in response, I’ve taken it as “they don’t just hate my stuff, they hate ME, because my stuff is an extension of ME!” I definitely plan to take the 48 hr challenge but I have done some work on this on-going. From a business standpoint, I’ve learned to respond to the sound of crickets with “I just haven’t reached my peeps today. How can I make sure they see this?”

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Marie Forleo

Awesome Stephanie. We creatives are def. sensitive people :) Yes, being pleasantly persistent and truly and genuinely energetically loving (especially when we craft those follow up emails) is a huge deal.

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Elizabeth Pfeiffer

Yes! Yes! Yes!

These are pieces that I teach in my Shifting Into Higher Consciousness Programs! Some people just got “funk” and “junk” and it has NOTHING to do with you.

Learning how not be triggered by it – is my realm!

Thanks Marie! :)

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Judy Davidson

Great information Marie! Thaks for sharing. I love your style ;)
As a franchise consultant I deal with crickets/radio silence all the time. My candidates initially show interest in my valuable FREE consulting services, then disappear. I have to remember that probably let fear and anxiety overwhelm them before taking the first step. If the timing is not right, it’s better to save both of us a lot of time. Then I can invest that time with people who REALLY want to make a change.
Thanks again,
Judy

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Linda

I think that “not taking things personally” is one of the most destructive and cop-out pieces of “spiritual” advice EVER.

Fact — as a human animal, it’s impossible. Not taking things personally still goes through the filter of assessing things in a personal way. Just try to tell someone “don’t be jealous.” Good luck with that. It’s impossible to stop one’s human reaction.

The Buddhist teachings are far wiser and far kinder — full of compassion for oneself. They teach that anything that says “don’t,” or requires a fruition that shuts down our human nature is innately violent against emotional well being. There is often a big piece of truth in anger, or “taking things personally.” The Buddhists teach that one must live with it, FEEL it, learn from it, and carry on. Don’t use it as a way to hurt someone else or yourself. But certainly don’t deny your feelings.

“Don’t take anything personally,” can (and is) often used as a cudgel against another. What a convenient way to put up a wall between two people and shut down any interaction.

I think the 4 Agreements are SORELY lacking in many elements that will make them stand the test of time. They might be a flash in the pan in vogue right now, but they won’t last. That tenet is particularly problematic if not downright harmful.

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Marie Forleo

Wow, Linda — clearly you feel strongly about this, which I respect.

But I don’t think “not taking something personally” is harmful, nor does it require us to deny our feelings, or put up walls between each other.

To the contrary, I believe it can inspire us to have compassion for one another and engage in continued communication and dialog, from a place of love vs. judgement and fear. xox

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Leanne Richards-Williams

I agree with “Dont take anything personally”

Why?

Because I believe that if Jesus took anything personally (whether you believe his story or not)…he would find his sacrifice a complete wast of his time since he was slighted, rejected and outright betrayed by many.

His undying mission to fulfill his purpose could not take a moment to give a ka-hoots about what people thought or did to him.

Jesus’ life is a perfect example of not harnessing the power of God. And frankly such power lies in the “gracious confidence” of knowing who you are and not being phased by anything.

PS. “Don’t take things personally” (may be hard…but is highly possible and good for my soul…to say the least)

….And that’s my testimony

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Linda

Sweetheart, you need to re-read the Bible. Jesus took everything to heart. Betrayal, money changing in the temple, “do unto others”–doesn’t get more personal than that. He cried, he ranted, he tipped tables. He carried on despite it all, but took it all in.

I am not a believer, but I do know why he is so revered. It’s not because he sloughed everything off, that’s for sure.

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Elizabeth

Oh MARIE! Have you hit the nail on the head in this video for me. In fact this is probably my number one problem in life, not only business. But to elaborate on the biz front, my husband has a very popular website and online community and gets spammers and trolls galore. I help him on occasion with admin and whenever I see someone insulting him, or others on the site/fanpage, I take it personally and get so offended. Thankfully he doesn’t which makes me stop and get over what I had let get to me.
How many of us seek approval from people? It’s indeed a downfall for millions.

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Janine Comoletti

I just finished an email to my ex. Darn! Great reminder Marie. I love the 4 agreements and I took it personally. How freeing to think that it just doesn’t have anything to do with me. How does this work with people who have to do something, because you are tied to them, and they just won’t do it?

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Jennifer

This couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’ve been sending out e-mails in offering to do talks or workshops and I’ve been finding myself getting discouraged by hearing no responses.

Thanks for the advice Marie! :-)

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Liz Mackay

Well it could also mean that you are an amazing person who is courageous and taking risks by contacting people who are not already in your ‘circle’. It could mean that you are loving yourself by speaking up for yourself or asking for what you want or need irrespective of the response, or lack of it, that you receive. Send those emails and e-blasts and get on with the business of being great. What really works for me is being so crazy busy that I forget who I emailed or followed or sent a friend request to, usually by the time I realise its all crickets I don’t even care anymore. NEXT!

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Leanne Richards-Williams

“Don’t take anything personally”

Can this be applied even in marriage?!

Can I tell you how many dramas I’ve created in my head (and the ticket price were not cheap!). At the end of the day, I was the only one attending the show!

Thank heavens for my patient husband!

Not only in my marriage but taking things personally: both the negative things and positive ones, are so ingrained in me….Marie how in the world am I suppose to stay detached about anything?!

Watching this post showed me I’ve lived selfishly by taking things personally while thinking I am just being honest about what affects me.

Now I know the world does not revolve around me: I revolve around the world (so what happens where-ever, how-ever, and whenever aint gonna phase me anymore).

The next 48 hrs is gonna be an interesting turn of affairs. ;)

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Marie Forleo

You are awesome Leanne — just sending you a HUGE hug from NYC and please do let us know how the 48 hour experiment goes! xox

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Jessa Ciel

The Four Agreements was given to me by a friend when I was 14. Looking back it’s such a great gift for teenagers and helped me navigate high school a LOT better. If only I’d continued on the path when in college!

I have so many examples of taking things personally when they weren’t. I’ve submitted my photography to a magazine several times and been declined. It wasn’t until I had a friend on the selection committee that I realized all the factors that play into selecting art for a magazine. She gave me some tips I’ll use next time, but I realize now how little the “rejection” has to do with me. This is really helping me with my MFA applications right now. I’m taking the whole month to not take anything personally.

Thanks for another great video, Marie!

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Stephanie Ward

Spot on as usual Marie, thank you!

I met a woman a networking event years ago and I thought she didn’t like me, I wasn’t sure why, she just seemed irritated or annoyed. I actually found her somewhat rude.

Several months later she ended up hiring me and it turns out she was just nervous and shy about being at the networking event. You never know!

In that situation in addition to taking it personally, I also made an assumption about the situation (another fabulous agreement, ‘Don’t Take Things Personally’).

My big ‘aha’ for not taking things personally came when I realized that you also shouldn’t take the ‘good things’ personally either, all at once it made so much sense.

I love http://www.miguelruiz.com and The Four Agreements. You can use them for your personal life and also for business.

I also created a video about not taking things personally and created posts on how the other three agreements relate to marketing as well http://www.fireflycoaching.com/have-you-ever-made-this-mistake-with-your-marketing/.

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Shirley

Thanks I needed this Marie- been sending out info about my 21 Day Online Gluten- Free Challenge and I’m hearing some crickets!!! AHHH..Won’t take it personally.

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Trish

I read The Four Agreements a few years ago and the book changed my relationships with family, friends and especially colleagues. At the time I was working in an organization in which several employees had personal struggles and unfortunately made their co-workers the target of criticism and rumours. While I credit that book with changing my perspectives in life and teaching mew how to reframe situations that are uncomfortable, I don’t always remember to apply the principles to my new business. There’s something so emotional and personal about using my name, and personal brand in business that prevents me from not taking things personally. Of course everything you said in the video applied to my work situation years ago, as it does to my business dealings today. Thanks Marie for the reminder that despite how personal business can be, its still not personal.

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Ben Schoeffler

I’ve never heard of that book before Marie mentioned it, but after hearing her talk about it and reading your comment, I’m going to make it my next book I read! :) Thanks for sharing your story.

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cristina

This video came just on time, thanks

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Stephanie Bavaro

THANK YOU! I admit that I listened to this video to make sure you were going to say that the answer was “NOTHING AT ALL”. I further adore that you quoted one of my SUPER fav books, The Four Agreements. Brava!!!

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Vanessa Cunningham

As usual your videos are always so on point and very insightful. Not taking things personally is huge especially when you when you start your own business. I also think that when you react to something you should also question where that emotion is really coming from. Sometimes it may be attached to something that happened to you in the past. Perhaps in past you were rejected a lot so to be in a situation where you are asking and not receiving it could also stir up past hurt. In that case it’ll take a more than just brushing it off and more personal development work may be required. As you rise to the top there will be other levels of rejection to deal with!

Again thanks for such a great video and stay FAB!

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Marie Forleo

Love you what shared Vanessa, and that bit of introspection (where is this really coming from) is so vital.

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Danno

You created this video for me. I have been up to my eyebrows in crickets since last Thursday and “decided” to take it personally yesterday. Waking up to this message today has really re-calibrated my attitude. Thank you!

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Christopher

Thank you Marie for once again reminding me not to take anything personal. I am taking the 48 hour challenge starting today.

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Ben Schoeffler

I’m taking that challenge too! :)

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Kathy

So when I send someone an invoice, and they repeatedly ignore all emails and phone calls, how am I not to take that personally?

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Marie Forleo

Hey Kathy! I’m so sorry for that experience — truly sucky. I’ve experienced that in business (customers not paying for things they’ve promised to pay for, and have used to the fullest degree) — it really does speak more about them vs. you.

You never know what’s happening in someone’s life and I’ve discovered many folks who fail to pay are humiliated and full of shame. Not all, of course, but more times than not.

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Marybeth Gregg

Marie, I love this! It totally reinforces that we must not play the ‘Victim’ (poor me), but move into problem solving (like you following up) to achieve our goals. If we can make that little shift from blame/victim, into “How do I tackle this problem to get what I want?”, it makes ALL of the difference.
Thank you!

Marybeth Gregg

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Ana Goncalves

Great video and topic!
I accept the challenge and will see this as a way to build my boundaries and inner resilience as I tend to get affected by people’s opinions and views and make up stories when someone is not their usual self with me, as I think it’s something I have done. I am very sensitive and when I get a view that doesn’t support me I get easily upset over it. This seems very timely as just today it nearly happened and I kept my cool and held my strength as received a comment I wasn’t in tune with.
Thank you xx

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Natalie Marshall

Marie,
I loved this video! I was almost afraid to watch, “AH! What does it say about me!? I don’t think I want to know!” And the truth is I absolutely did want to know! Thank you!

I think whenever clients cancel their membership with me would probably be when I think “What did I do wrong!?” the most. When in fact my clients have told me it’s because they got new jobs, left old jobs to travel, are super busy, or are moving! There are tons of reasons that have nothing to do with me for people to no longer be able to come in for monthly massages!

Thanks again Marie! Hope you are having a great day!

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Reair Amin

The thing I learnd about taking things personal is that usually when you are caught up the “why,” the other person is running free. I used to get myself wrapped up in everything until it strangled me and I was on my way to the asylum. Human condition still can cause the “what did I do” moment but I do not hold on to it as long understanding that all things are worked out for my good even if at that moment I do not understand it. I remember the moments that did not make sense until they made sense…

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Michelle Spalding

Ahhhh, the sound of crickets, been there done that!

Not long ago I posted in a FB group that I was looking for soulful entrepreneurs to interview for my weekly radio show. I checked every few minutes waiting for the little indicator to turn red and……….it took longer than I wanted it to. I thought, maybe they don’t like my idea, maybe I shouldn’t have posted it in this group, maybe I’m not ready. Then soon the emails came in. People said yes and I’ve booked 8 people already for my show.

Confession time – the reason I open your emails each week and watch your video (no one else gets this kind of attention from me) is your authenticity and openness. Thank you for showing us that being an expert doesn’t mean we’re not human or that feeling rejection doesn’t make one crazy.

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Marie Forleo

Hey Michelle! First of all, huge congrats on your show. Second, thank you for sharing what you shared, it truly means a lot. xoo

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Kelley Moreno

Hey
I really needed this this week. I had a vendor call a meeting and then he stood me up and didn’t get back to me for 4 days!
I’ve been really taking it personally even though he was the one who called the meeting. Since then he has e-mailed me and I have asked him to call me, but at this point I’ve had no response back.
After watching this I realize I just need to chill and let him do whatever and NOT take it personally!
Thanks Marie

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Barb

Had I only watched this and heard these words of wisdom one day sooner! I took personally a relationship issue with my daughter-in-law – not waiting for a response, but the wisdom works here too….it was not intended to be personal at all! Yikes! I became a crazy woman for a short bit and…speaking of that, made her feel like I bit her in the hiney:( It’s sad to have worked hard for several years to come to a place of a really great relationship, and now to have hurt her trust in me. Shucks.

Well, back to the drawing board of being human and growing daily, even (and many times mostly) through my mistakes!

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Cristina

I need to replay this content once a day because it’s so true. Also, is it wrong to admit I couldn’t take my eyes off your highlights?

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Marie Forleo

ha ha — not wrong to admit at ALL :) Thank you for that Cristina. I haven’t had highlights for a loooong time, but I’m having so much fun with them now.

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Vanessa

Marie,

I’ve been following and watching for a while. I’m really impressed and excited about your videos and the advice you provide. I wanted know if you are interested in pulling an “Oprah” and create a book club? You refer to many authors and books in your videos and it would be great to first have a list of books YOU recommend us to read and second have an opportunity to have group discussion on the books. It can help us to decipher each book and great way to build camaraderie and leaving a sense of empowerment.

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Marie Forleo

Hey Vanessa! Thank you so much for your suggestion. I want you to know I’ve def. thought about it and I’ll add another checkmark next to it from you :)

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connie curtis

I started a business 2 years ago and keep moving forward because this area is growing now, food allergies and I am waiting to get a product finished. I have been making myself wrong because of not having it done yet but I am waiting on my video editor. I have been taking it personally that i havent gotten the product out there and customers arent beating down my doors when I started calling restaurants last year. I am not going to take it personally anymore. I am going to be in action and be a stand for things to change.

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francesca

Hey girl..are you reading in my mind??It’s scary! You know, I was struggle with it a few miutes ago, it’s crazy! You’re right Marie, I really appreciate this video, it’s really helpful…I’ll keep to follow who I admire, I absolutely loooooove this thing*thank you darling**kiss to all your staff**

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Katie Kay

Awesome Sauce!
This reminded me of something I learned form Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, put your ego aside, it ain’t about you honey! (my words not Eckhart’s, hee hee).
I am a sensitive Pisces, ugh, and I have always thought everything negative was about me, what an EGO!! I try everyday to not take things personally, but I do need a kick in the butt every once in awhile, so thanks Marie! xo

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stevie

Great piece of advice as always Marie.

I never take anything personally, often things are said in a particular way but there is an underlying reason that a person is not happy or able to discuss, just catching someone at the wrong time that’s all, there are many things going on behind the scenes in everyones lives.

Be kind to each other.

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Lianne Cook

Hi Marie, this video seemed made especially for me today. I run a small business Renaissance Kids, teaching art to children. I have been sending media releases to all the local press for months and the crickets are deafening. I have been taking it very personally….no one appreciates art anymore, no one likes me :) I think that because it is so hard for me to ask for help that getting no reply reinforces that I should not ask. BUT today I am going to send a nice follow up email to them all and see what happens. Thankyou for your wisdom.

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Rebecca

This video literally could not have come at a more perfect time. A guy I’ve been dating just got distant, my best friend has been crazy busy and I’ve been feeling a bit vulnerable and unimportant. This was the best reminder that other people’s actions do not have anything to do with how valuable I am as a friend/girlfriend/person. Thanks for inspiring me and making me laugh as always. xoxo Rebecca

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Ben Schoeffler

Marie TV is the one self-help sort of website/show/program that I consistently get value from. There is so much blog spammy, un-authentic, often repeated drivel out there that passes itself off as self-improvement.

I’m not sure if it’s Marie’s personality, her production, or what she is saying, but it all adds up to fantastic content! I’d love to see a candid 20-30 minute behind the scenes documentary about Marie and/or MarieTV.

Thanks Marie!

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Joy

Up for it!

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KimB.

Thanks so much, Marie! As always, you went straight to the heart of this issue and put it all in perspective.
I am a Stress Relief Coach who definitely had to take my own prescription on this topic. One of my first clients was pleased with the work we had done together and offered to send out an email blast to all her friends advertising my services. I eagerly anticipated getting some inquiries – but there was nothing. About a week later, she contacted me again to ask if I had heard from anyone. By this time I had decided she truly had not been “pleased”, had really not sent any emails, blah, blah, blah. Turns out, she copied my email address incorrectly! I have since changed the address to make it more “user friendly” which it was not originally. And, good news, several of her friends HAD tried to contact me and were finally able to because she took the initiative to discover what was going on!
Thanks for staying on your game, Marie!

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Elizabeth

Marie, don’t take this personally, but I am the biggest MarieTV fan! I laugh at myself because I will watch from beginning to literally the end, even after the B-School promo that I’ve seen what feels like a hundred times, just because I love the silly out takes. Thanks Marie! and staff! :)

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Marie Forleo

aww shucks Elizabeth :)

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Virginia (The Heartographer)

So true! May I add a couple notes, from my work as an online dating coach? My clients deal with this stuff all the time!

1) BE CONCISE! So many singles are prone to feeling rejected from a lack of response, but the reality is that people are easily distracted and communication just falls off for no real reason most of the time. Keeping communication brief makes it less overwhelming to get back to you quickly.

2) BE EFFECTIVE! Pay attention to what kind of communicator someone is. Do they take forever with email, but always reply to texts? Do they just prefer a good old-fashioned phone call? If someone isn’t replying to your Magna Carta of emails, send a q

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Virginia (The Heartographer)

So true! May I add a couple notes, from my work as an online dating coach? My clients deal with this stuff all the time!

1) BE CONCISE! So many singles are prone to feeling rejected from a lack of response, but the reality is that people are easily distracted and communication just falls off for no real reason most of the time. Keeping communication brief makes it less overwhelming to get back to you quickly.

2) BE EFFECTIVE! Pay attention to what kind of communicator someone is. Do they take forever with email, but always reply to texts? Do they just prefer a good old-fashioned phone call? If someone isn’t replying to your Magna Carta of emails, send a quick text and say “I’d love to chat about [lengthy email topic]! Got a sec? :)”

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Towanda M. Allen

Hey Marie! Love the post, been blessed to understand this a LONG time ago from out dear friend Dr. Wayne Dyer! No means, No thank you and that means they are not the one willing to help you are that moment! You have a point about the kind follow and if you still don’t get a reply! Some will, some won’t and next! Love ya Marie and keep up the great work!

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Sallie

What an insight! Who knew?! Nixing out negative thoughts for the next….no stopping for 48 hours.

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Ashley

Great advice it is too easy to take it personal without knowing what’s really going on with the other person. I would like to see another video about when it IS personal.

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Anna

Seconded. This one is so hard…and for those of us creatives who often work with our friends/compadres/community, it can be difficult to figure out what is personal and what is not. I love the poster who texted to her friend and gave “permission” of sorts for him to say no. That takes courage. I often think about doing that but over the course of my life, my efforts at openness and transparency (even in the kindest of ways) have usually been met with great resistance or people lashing out. It seems that many people on a personal level would rather be quiet than *kindly* let you know where things stand. The silence is painful. You do not need to “tell people about themselves” or belittle but sometimes just a simple reply to let someone know where you’re at is really the kind thing to do. I am most confused by people who text me saying how much they’ve been thinking about me and miss me but then the minute I respond, they are silent for a year or more. It feels like a power trip on their end. So very confusing and sad… :(

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Tara Woodruff

You Hair Is AHMAZEING!! #NothinPersonal LOL Great Video lady!!

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Abi Grace

Oh man, I’m a musician so rejection is pretty much a part of the job description. Venues don’t get back to me or don’t bring me back again when I’m doing booking, radio stations, same thing. Sometimes (although rarely) I even get bad reviews or people remove themselves from my mailing list. When I first started doing music professionally things like that broke my heart, but eventually I’ve gotten really good at just accepting that that is part of taking risks. Sometimes people are swamped, sometimes I’m just not the right girl for the job.

The hardest”rejection” for me to let go of is struggling with my darling workaholic mad scientist audio engineer man. He falls off the radar sometimes and when we first started crossing that line between friends and lovers it would drive me CRAZY. In fact, there was a point a few years ago after a very romantic night with him he just completely feel off the radar and so instead of compassionately following up I freaked out. Thankfully, we’re pretty darn forgiving friends. I don’t think either of us is particularly willing to give the other up. It took another three years for us to try again.

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Dejana

Loved the video Marie! Exactly where I’m at in my life.

I started a new job 9 months ago and found myself being bullied by a woman (who applied for my position), and her ex-boyfriend- my duty manager. They were both really unprofessional and had crossed the line many times. As much as I tried to keep it calm and deal with it the best I could, it was tough to not get affected with their aggressiveness and negativity.
But last week I had a light bulb moment and saw how I took it oh-so personally and made such a big drama, playing a victim role. If I hadn’t reacted at all, it probably would have stopped because my overreaction gave them fuel to continue.

Lesson learned. When I started this job all I really wanted was to finally be appreciated. And I was- only to find out that it doesn’t mean anything. The only appreciation I need is from myself.

I am getting better at watching my internal space, when it comes to criticism or praise. Thanks for the reminder, I need to read The Four Agreements again. :)

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Marie Forleo

Great story Dejana. I love the paradox of it, as I complete agree with what you shared “The only appreciation I need is from myself.” and I hold the space for you work with folks who delight in appreciating you — as you do them. xo

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tasha

This is a really good post for the week, as I am currently feeling something happen. I am not getting a response back from someone that I use to communicate with all the time. It makes me feel as if I did something wrong that I have no knowledge.

All I can do is remember it has nothing to do with me if someone doesnt reach back out. Even though its kinda sad to send someone a gift and they never even send a simple thank you back. Reminds not to take anything personal =)

have a beautiful week

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lisae

LOVE YOUR HIGHLIGHTS BY THE WAY

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Marie Forleo

The highlights are getting a lot of love this week Lisae — gonna let my hair stylist know :)

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Tatiana Escalada

Marie your hair is like Marie TV it just keeps getting better and better.

XOXO

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Diane

My three younger children do this all the time. It makes me feel unimportant.
Blown off.

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Lianne

I posted earlier this morning and decided to do a follow up as the lovely Marie suggested. I have had 2 replies within an hour. Yaay happy me. Thanks again :)

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lacey mcnary

Nice! a friend recently told me to put a QTIP on my desk to remind me to QUIT TAKING IT PERSONALLY! it is a good reminder!

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Anna

Hmmm…I always appreciate the Tuesday videos and this is definitely a topic that really hits home.

I’m shocked, though, that not one of the comments mentions even the slight possibility that there could be jealousy, envy or competitiveness at the receiving end of the message. I understand that one of the purposes of this site is to foster positivity and personal responsibility and I take absolutely no issue with that at all. I think it’s a wonderful site and I’ll say that for sure so there’s no question. But what about the tinsey-tiny possibility that it is not just a matter of someone being busy. What if your friendship/goods/communication is really not wanted (i.e. that person does not want to be friends with you) or is striking a cord in the other party who sees you as their competition? I’m guessing the answer is still to wait and do a follow up later and after that leave it alone if there’s no response. Regardless, don’t take anything personally. Got it. My problem has always been that I keep trying to be friends with people who have shown that they do not want to be friends with me and I get very confused trying to figure out whether someone is busy or whether they really are just ignoring my communications because they are not interested or because something is making them uncomfortable. And I just find it really interesting that in this whole discussion there is not one mention of any other possibility than the recipient being busy. Hmmm…

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Michelle Coleman

Yes, I am up to the challenge!

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Sheri

Okay, now I’ve got to get back to that agent…..

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Llyane @FrenchOnSkype

Hi, Marie

Thanks for this – not taking things personally is easier said than done – takes a lil’ practice, but it’s so worth it!

It did happen to me that I thought that prospects wouldn’t go for my program because of something that either I had or didn’t have on my website, to later find out – after a follow-up – that they were swamped with their work and life and my reminder came as a blessing that kept their priorities in check. I received thank-you’s for the follow-ups, and not once.

Thanks so much for the inspiration and support,
Llyane

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Dan McDaniel

Wow. This just happened to me literally 10 minutes ago. The recipient probably hasn’t even read the email yet, so I won’t take it personally.

MarieTV is always right on time :)

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Marg

I feel that the reason we take things personally is to reflect back to us the baggage we are still carrying from the past, so we can recognise our automated chemical reactions and address them. It serves a purpose…not to be dwelled upon, but to release and move forward. PERSONA = PER SONAR = PER SOUND = The voices from the past that we constantly hear from within our minds that form our inner critics. Our experiences are helping us, so it’s important to be gentle on ourselves because, after all, we carry enough critics within…we don’t need to add to it ourselves. Be gentle.

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Anna

Marg, thank you so much for your comment. What a beautiful, kind and empowering way to approach this. Thank you!!!

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Vero - Your Brand by Me

omg … perfect timing!! Just one person ignoring you can through your self-esteem to the gutter … thank you – thank you – thank you!!! Not taking things personally anymore . What’s the cut off/ limit for the follow ups?
Xx V

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Lori

It’s happened to me before and I’ve been guilty of doing it myself. You know you do? For me if it’s not really worth it big picture wise and doesn’t have too much emotional or financial involvement I just try to learn from it then move onto the next project or thing on my list. Simplistic but it works.

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Aradia

Take nothing personally for 48 hours? I’m so in! I can’t think of a time where I’ve taken something personally that wasn’t about me, but I know I’ve done it and I’m sure I felt silly later!

On another note I’m going through something now where honestly it likely is personally, but even then its not. The situation is based on a decision that someone is making for themselves not to communicate with me. So even if they want to cite reasons that “blame me” its not really about me, its about them and how they feel!

And I don’t have to take that personally! (After all why would I want to deal with someone who doesn’t want to deal with me?) I’ve got mad self-respect yo and I don’t need none of that! <3 you Marie & co!

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daniel

Great video. Thanks Marie, you are amazing!

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Jeff Harrison

Marie,
Taking things personally and assuming had haunted me for many years. I just completed a great 10 week class that taught and implemented the great book, the 4 agreements and it became a life changer!
Now not every day is perfect, and when I get off track, I start anew and keep going.
This not taking it personally has allowed me to stretch and hang out in that area that we sometimes find uncomfortable and come away with something I would not have experienced, almost always positive.
Thank you so much for all you do!

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Naomi

Hi Marie,

Thank you immensely!!! I don’t know how this keeps happening but I need it to keep happening! What’s the “this”, you being so wonderfully right on time with great solutions to my issues. This is the 3rd time “this” has happened, that I can recall now. First w/ me heavily considering leaving my job, only to see your email the next day, “Why I Happily Walked Away From a Million Dollars”. Then I was worried about being too shy to even attempt to make connections and to the rescue was your vid with Susan Cain, “Networking for Introverts”. To top “this” off, I checked my email at work today for an email response I’d been waiting for since last Friday, which still has not come in, and was feeling down but saw the title of your video and perked up, couldn’t wait to watch.

Marie, you give the best advice. I was taking the non reply ultra personal but now I have changed my perspective and will follow up with a short, polite email. You are amazing and as beautiful as always! All the best to you and yours!

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Giselle

Thanks for this one. I’ve gotten to think things are much more personal than they were in the first place. But, fortunately, I’ve tried my best to change that silly point of view that I had.
Now the story…
Once (actually it was last month) I wrote a boy (that I like) a “Happy Birthday” message, hoping to get a massive “Thank you!”. The thing is that, although this is so silly, he didn’t answer back as fast as I thought it would be. In the end, it turned out to be that he hadn’t checked their messages earlier, but his reply was quite nice to me and got me thinking that I should stop being so dramatic at things that scared me (as usually happens with answers).
So thanks Marie! I happily accept the challenge! ;)

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Angie Diaz-Cervo

This is so important to not take things personal, I work with a diverse group of people. One member is not contributing to the team, and sometimes she has for help but not follow through, lately I try so hard to not take her attitude personally. I know she has issues going on in her life and that might be the reason for her attitude. Marie thank you for the reminder about not to take anything personal. I like your videos.

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Liz

I did this recently. New job. And my boss wasn’t responding to my texts– only to find out my phone was not receiving them. I jumped to so many conclusions and even had in my head that I was fired. Absolutely not true and I am well loved where I’m at and considered an asset. I take way too many things personal!!! This message was PERFECT for me right now! THANK YOU!!!!

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Carlaquarius

So up for this and thanks for the challenge!

When I’ve sent out a cranky emails (yes I guess I’ve done that once or twice!) reminding someone that they failed to get back to me, I would feel so badly (and foolish) when they replied with a legit reason for not doing so. Never worth it to go where your ego wants to take you~ thanks so much for the reminder, Marie! Love you!

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donna

My 10 year old son watched this one with me. He loved it and I reminded him this works on the play ground as was as the business world. If only I had learned this lesson at 10!

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Phyllis

This so hit home. I sometimes forget to respond to emails, phone calls, and texts. I eventually do but when I send out an email or a text or leave a voicemail, I want an immediate response. I do get a little upset then I take it personally. Well, now taking it personally is something that I will work on. It’s not all about me. Just as my life is super busy, others are too. I am not as important as I think I am.

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Milla

Hello from sunny Saigon – since my boyfriend and I left our jobs in rainy London, UK (I’m from Lithuania, the smallest most forgotten European state), we are now working from home wherever it might be in South East Asia!

Slightly off topic, but I’d like to share my ‘how could I have communicated my argument better’ drama.

It happened when I was only 17. I failed on all accounts at the interview at the university in Moscow, Russia. At the time, it felt like I failed in life. I spent a month just trying to construct different arguments, not think about, try re-applying next year, but nothing helped. I thought I was the most stupid person (at least aged 17) on the planet, because all my friends got into where they wanted to get into.

So I convinced myself it was just that – my shire stupidity and I should stop trying getting something I cannot get. And was going to roll with it.

I left my hometown in Lithuania and moved to London to work as a waitress with an abusive boss. It took a few years for me to see that I wasn’t all that stupid.

Only then I left that job and a few years later I graduated from Cambridge University with merit, worked with the UN and European Commission.

All I wished for from Moscow Uni, is to get a written response about what was it that I said that got me the lowest grade. I just needed the feedback to work with!

Now I have an online translation into Russian agency (Oxbridge Translation) and email potential clients until I get a some feedback.

For me, the upsetting thing isn’t about “No, we don’t need your services”, but the fact that I don’t get any response. It’s like being caught in a net, you are still alive, but can’t move – respond with a No and let me look for other opportunities without wasting my time.

I’m game for the challenge!

PS: English is my third language.

Kind wishes,

Milla

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Milla

Got completely off topic – but I just had to share it with people that would understand. Not taking things personally is something that took me years to learn, so I’m very grateful for this video, Maria!

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Keltie Maguire

Hi Marie! Thanks for the timely reminder. While intellectually I “know” not to take things personally, and that getting blown off isn’t about me, sometimes my heart (and ego!) feel otherwise. Sometimes I even get my back up about it, and not only think, “Wow, I must suck,” but also, “I wouldn’t want to deal with someone who doesn’t reply to emails anyways – so there!” …which is clearly just self-sabotage :)
This year I’ve decided to give the benefit of the doubt when reaching out to industry contacts, etc. and remain “pleasantly persistently” until I manage an outcome one way or the other, and no making assumptions! (another awesome Agreement)

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Chris

Several years ago before I met my current man, there was a guy I was crazy about and we would have hour-plus long phone conversations. In my book, if he wasn’t interested/attracted to me, it wouldn’t have gotten that far. So when we make our first date, I’m all excited, but 48 hours beforehand, he cancels saying he had family obligations. I was OK with that because I had time to make other plans as well as keep my options open. We still manage to chat Saturday evening and he says he’ll call and we’d make plans for Monday. Long story short, I don’t hear from him, and I had it in my head he played me this whole time, so I read him the riot act in a lengthy email saying I have my options and a life too, blast him all over facebook, and write a letter to a few of the other women in the group as to what kind of person he really was. I even plotted my revenge and waited for the opportunity to present itself. Sure enough, it did a year and a half later when I have long since moved on and in my current relationship and we’re all invited to an event to where he’s the DJ. Won’t go into the details, but I was momentarily blindsided when he had the audacity to approach me while I was clearly holding hands with my boyfriend. I didn’t know what to say but I regained my composure when he complimented me on how well I did karaoke and was glad to meet my boyfriend. The awkwardness of that moment made me realize I did take his not getting back to me too personally. Later, I learned he may have been involved in drugs and looking back on it now, I sensed he may have been high during some of our phone conversations but blew it off.

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Sangeetha

In June I had a powerful conversation with an acquaintance about building things. She does PR work and still hasn’t found that ideal job that she adores.

I originally thought this acquaintance didn’t want to see me. When I came to town she was usually doing other things. I caught her on a whim and had the best conversation! She said that she thought I was busy so made plans elsewhere. I am so happy I told myself my conclusions of her not seeing me could have been anything. We can never tell what is really going on but if I stuck with a generated story of why, we would have never even spoken.

I wrote about more about this story on my blog back in June the night our conversation happened…http://icannotbetheonlyonewhoislooking.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/building-things/

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Fiona McAllister

Hi Marie,
Thanks for the great video. I understand the not taking criticism personally, but am uncertain what it means to not take positive things personal…Still I will commit to 48 hours of not taking anything (everything) personally. This video has given me food for thought.

My experience was when I said something to a good friend that I later constructed in my mind to have been very offensive and then spent all this time formulating an apology email. Then when she got back to me, she said she totally was not offended and did not get any bad vibes from the conversation at all. Well, I had taken it very personally that I had ruined our friendship, and there was nothing at all!

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Dureshahwar Memon

Challenge accepted! :)

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Clare Galloway

Oh my, listening to your video this week Marie, made me realise, I don’t often get fobbed off, because I don’t often put myself out there to even RISK getting given the cold shoulder! I spend a lot of time focussed on being very visible, but passively so, in a way; this is a big section missing from my PR dept: I pledge to get into that space and see how it feels to put myself out there a bit more, and to not take it personally if I get ignored, of course!

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Juliet Oberding

Thanks Marie! I definitely needed to hear this today. In fact, I was wondering why a colleague hadn’t gotten back to me for the last few weeks and was making up some big drama in my head. Now, I can just stop it in it’s tracks. I’m not taking it personally.

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Julia Harris | Success Without Stress

Great advice Maria (as usual) especially the bit about remembering when we haven’t responded to someone even though it wasn’t personal. Its perfect timing too because I’m about to start a launch and after the first few emails when I don’t get the response I’d hoped I always back off the promotion thinking its me even though I know people often don’t buy until the last minute (me included) so yes I’m taking up the challenge but I need to do it for more than 48 hours :)

Thanks again xx

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Tara

I can totally relate to this. 2 years ago I started my business and went straight to ‘big notch’ with my products.Initial response was good but figures weren’t where we’d expect it to be.Then the person got replaced and this new lady wouldn’t get back to me and when she did, always had something wrong with my proposal, she’d ask add that product, remove this, add that and so on. I took it very personally, I was a newbie and so I assumed she was deliberately doing this to me. Similar issue with another ‘big notch’. This one was ‘harsher’ I’ll deduct x % from payment because our delivery wasn’t on time (due to illness). I was furious and felt bullied. I gave up on them. As my business grew I came across great people, learned so much (I only see my faults in mentioned situations), had to say ‘no’ myself to so many people. 2 years later, I approached these ‘big notches’ again and had a fantastic response. The way I look at it is other person is only doing his/her job and they do that to the best of their abilities which may involve saying no to many people, spending less time in emails, who knows. They have nothing against me personally. They only know my product and offer. These days, if I don’t hear back, get a ‘no’ for reply, I follow the standard ‘email follow up’ guide, then I try other options available besides email, I re-brainstorm on the possible causes of ‘no’, rebuilt,redesign, re-everything the product to suit the client’s need, because it’s not about me, for others it’s the product, offer and it meeting their needs.
However, one thing I have noticed is, communication is easier with the ‘boss’, reply chances are higher when you have direct contact to the owner of the business, may be because they understand the ‘pain’ of being an entrepreneur. Getting boss’s direct contact details is another story.
99% of time I hear back or get a yes, for the 1% I surrender to what is popularly called ‘divine timing’.

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Patricia Hegedus

Hi Marie,

I think I have this typical problem you mentioned in your video.
I go to the same hairdresser guy for years now. In the last two times I tried to reach him via phone he did not pick up or call me back at all. The first time I though “oh my god, he does not want me to go his salon anymore”. Then I could make an appointment personally. Then again the same thing happened. I was furious. “What’s going on? – I asked myself. I called him like 6 times on one day. My cosmetician works in the same salon and when I mentioned my problem scheduling an appointment with the hairdresser she told me that the guy – for some unknown reason – does that to everyone. If he is doing someone’s hair he would not stop for a split second to pick up the phone and take an appointment. They told him that he can not do that to the customers. People will slowly get fed up with this behavior and look for another hairdresser.
I took the whole experience very personally, but I’m glad I talk to people about it and find out what was really happening. We can not always do that. But It defiantly taught me a lesson. I have to practice how to not take thing personally.
I’m really inspired by your videos. Keep up the good work.
Patricia

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Dave Ingram

Good advice Marie,

Someone once said to me “whats important to me at the time is not so important to them”. And this can be said visa versa!

Love watching your you tube tips

Dave xx

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Rebekah

I have a great story about taking something personally. I recently was hired to do a headhunting mission for a client I had never worked with before. I found a great profile for them so I was surprised when I didn’t hear back. I created a whole story about the client treating me badly, being disrespectful and abusive. Not wanting to be pushy, after an initial follow up email or two, I let it drop. Then I got angry and lost sleep, once again imagining this horrible client and feeling sorry for myself. I then wrote a long, detailed, angry letter to my friend who had put me in contact with the client and she called me instantly. It turns out that the client literally was handling a 250 million dollar business and was traveling all the time and had simply not received my emails.

I learned two very important lessons. 1) Following up is NOT being pushy or annoying. If I had simply called the client or my friend, my candidate would have been seen and I would have made 30k. 2) Don’t take it personally. I created a huge story in my head that this client, who had never even met me, hated me and didn’t want to work with me. He just was too busy to respond to my emails.

Thanks Marie, for your timely video.

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Mel

I had a major moment of the “doh, I should not take this stuff personally” when last year an assumption I made and something I took personal almost cost me a major client.

I thought a comment they made on a piece of work was negative and I talked myself into a downward spiral and then it turned out, that although they did not like that bit, the rest of the work they thought was brilliant. I was so close to never wanting to “see” them again because I felt ashamed and hurt. So very, very drama queen.

Still working for the client. Got over myself. Thanks for the reminder.

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Tom

Great points, Marie. I usually don’t let the negative responses affect me, but I’m interested in striking a balance and not letting the positive affect me either.

The more I think about it, I’ve used this approach my entire life in sports, whether I’ve been playing or coaching. I’ve tried to maintain focus and not let one play, one win, or one loss distract me from the ultimate goal…. to win!

I think I could benefit from this balance in my career as well. I try to stay diligent and not let my filters lead to assumptions about the potential success of a cold call, presentation quote, etc. Putting myself in my contact’s shoes is great advice that will help me stay on track.

–Tom

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Katharine

Hey, Marie,
I had the opposite experience, of thinking all was well within a relationship, and having it explode in my face. For months I was relating in a free and normal way with someone and one day–poof!–she was up in smoke about some tiny thing I’d said, and it was downhill the rest of the way.
What I learned, and I hope this helps someone: Since I was working within a framework of sanity, when the other one blew up, I was shocked and hurt, yes, but also I knew I was not to blame. I realized her reaction came from some other source and, although I was sad to have a relationship broken, of course, I also was sure it was not my fault. Only if I’d been a mind reader could I have known what was going on the day before it hit. My grief at losing her was not clouded in any way by what might have been or what I should have done.
However, if I’d been suspecting and accusing, even only in my mind, I’d have wondered if I was sending off scary vibes to her, giving her something to go on and on about.
Not guilty.
Nice feeling.

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Belle

Hi all,
Loved it as always. Very interesting to think about not letting positive affect you either. That will be my challenge.

My experience was emailing my mentor to say thanks, and then getting crickets, only to find that he is is completely living what he says and taking a techie time out while on holidays….
It comes down to what I call “adaptive authenticity”

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Jo Gifford | Blogger & Blog coach

Such a great video, Marie!
I know I have often mistakenly given people “the crickets”, and it can be so easy to take things personally when the shoe is on the other foot.
I use a few techniques to help me remind myself to check in if an email seems like it’s getting unanswered – I use Boomerang to send the email back to me a few days after it’s sent to remind me to check in if it’s unanswered.
I follow up once after a week, and again after another week, then if it’s still SILENCE then I move on :)
To try and avoid ignoring people myself, I use Sanebox for Gmail. If something comes in when I am busy, I file it to answer later that day, or to pop back up in my inbox a day or so later so I can get to it then.

Personally, I find voicemails and calls intrusive and often interrupting, so I have used Skype Spinvox to text me voicemails to be dealt with later.

x

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Makenna Johnston | Blissful Life and Business Coach

Take nothing personally! Such great advice, and something that is so easily forgotten. I first heard that advice when I was a wee lass of only 16 or so, and my parents (in their infinite wisdom) withheld my allowance until I completed “The Four Agreements”, which holds this notion at its center.

I join your challenge, and so far (24 hours in), I feel great. And have avoided at least 3 unfortunate situations by simply not taking them personally.

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AndriaYiasmin

I absolutely love Q & A Tuesdays! Is it getting better and better or is is just me? :) Awesome advice!

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Kim Childs

Thank you, Marie (and Don!)! I agree 200% with your wisdom here and wrote about the “we’re all doing the best we can to keep up” thing in a post for the Kripalu Yoga Center that went viral (because the message resonates). Finally, lemme quote a good pal who says, “If you’re gonna make up a story, make up a good one,” when folks don’t reply, acknowledge, whatever…reduces drama!: http://kripalu.org/blog/thrive/2013/06/29/what-if-were-all-doing-best-we-can/

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Sarah

Hey Kim,

I thank you for posting your article about doing the best we can! I read it and really gained some new perspective, especially about how you said that you learned that you sometimes are hard on others when they do not show up for you the way you think they should. I have been feel frustrated with others when they don’t show up for me the way I am thinking they should.

So I was wondering your thoughts on the times that we are doing the best we can and we still fall short…like if I get to work late too many times, I will get fired, even if I am doing the best I can. And even if I am doing the best I can with my finances the fact is that my water will be turned off. And in these situations it is hard to feel that doing the best I can is enough…and sometimes this happens in interpersonal relationships, where it feels like “the best I can do” is just not meeting a friend or loved one’s needs, or where someone else’s best doesn’t meet my needs….

Any thoughts?

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Kate

Marie! This was a stand-out episode! One thing that happened recently was I was in a business partnership and felt ignored. At the time I knew that was about me, not my partners. But after about 6 weeks of not hearing from my partners (who I was supposed to be in easy contact with), I started taking it personally and ended up ending our partnership all together. I don’t regret the decision to do that, cause we all had our plates just too full. But I do regret the damage it did to our friendship…something that is still in repair mode.

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Terry Minion

Thank you for the reference to Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. I am enjoying it. Thank you also for your videos. I appreciate your efforts and messages. It seems like you have a great deal of fun, and very classy at the same time.

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laramealor.com

Thanks Marie! This is great advice, I really needed this today.
http://www.laramealor.com/woot-woot-wednesday-dont-expect-dog-set-table/

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Tawanna B. | Mom's Guide To Travel

Oh boy! I needed this reminder….like 2 days ago. LOL! What’s that saying? “A day late, dollar short” Well, I guess I did take something personally from one of my editors who I’ve sent a few emails to about something we needed to discuss and didn’t hear back from her about that specific message. Why I took it personally? Um, because she emailed me after that message about OTHER things, like another assignment. **scratching head** Kind of hard not to read that she’s trying not to address the issue. Even asked my hub his opinion – he agreed that it was odd and that I needed to confront her.

So I did…
With a phone call a couple of days ago saying exactly what you said we shouldn’t say (*points finger*) “I emailed you twice but didn’t hear back from you…..”

She wasn’t the only one I called either. See, this is the thing I have about emails – we get so much of them that they get lost and sometimes you need to phone people up and let them know that you sent a message. Ok, granted it can be in a nice non-judgy tone…and this is my lesson from the video.

Again, thank you for the reminder. (woo-sah) Chilling and taking a breath.

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Shannon Ewing

I’ve been struggling with this dilemma with my boyfriend. He has some career issues going on and they are impacting our home life. Not taking an unreturned call personally is one thing; it’s trickier when it’s creeping into your bedroom. [Uh, it's only us in there.]

I love the challenge and totally believe that it *will* provide insight and some good muscle-building strength for the tough times to come! Thanks again, Marie.

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Joan

Hi Shannon,

Your efforts toward a peaceful home life in the face of career challenges struck a chord with me. My husband and I own a business together, so preventing work issues from escalating into family issues is extremely important to us.

Here are two tools that hopefully will help you. (Apologies for repetition if you know them already!)

1. After a tough period in our business that really affected our home life, my husband and I said, “Enough.” We sat down and reaffirmed our shared goal: to maintain a strong and happy marriage no matter the external circumstances.

An incredibly useful tool in achieving this is Marie’s interview with Danielle LaPorte about “The Desire Map.” Here’s the link: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/12/danielle-laporte-goals-desire/

Here’s an example of how this works: My core desired feeling toward my husband is connectedness. So I try to structure all of my interactions with him – business and personal – to support a genuine emotional connection.

If I don’t feel like we are connected, I take action to figure out how to get back to that feeling. Sometimes it’s something I can change on my own. Other times, I’ll need his help. Because we have the shared goal of being happy together, he listens when I ask for help and also takes action as needed.

2. In this case, don Miguel Ruiz’s third agreement seems more helpful than “Don’t take anything personally.” I particularly like Gary van Warmerdam’s description at http://www.toltecspirit.com/

“Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

On its own, “Don’t take anything personally” reduces the drama we invent in our heads. But Agreement No. 3 is great because it allows us to ask for what we want — in a non-confrontational way.

Good luck as you tackle this problem, Shannon! I’m cheering you on.

All best,
Joan

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sarahbettienash@gmail.com

Hi Everyone,

So, a little help here. I didn’t read every single post above, so I post this not knowing if this scenario has been addressed yet, so sorry in advance if it has been. Yesterday I had two business dealings with 2 separate people and we were working discussing some misunderstandings of sorts. Both people I talked with said things to me in a way that felt disrespectful, and it really hurt my feelings, and hit some core wounds that I have, which I know are mine, not the other people’s, but the interactions felt rude, and like people were talking to me like I am a child. So I am trying not to take it personally, and at the same time I feel disrespected, to the point where I am not sure I am wanting to do business with these people. I haven’t addressed by feelings with either party, as I am still mad and don’t want to write out of anger, and be as immature as I feel like being at the moment. How do I get perspective here, any advice?

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Melinda

Hey Sarah,

The great thing about being in business for yourself is that if you don’t want to do business with someone you don’t have to. It’s what I love about it.

I’m not of the school of thought that everything crappy thing that happens to in my life is a lesson or I’m personally responsible for everything that comes my way, however, I have a saying I live by:

The truth has three sides: Your side, their side and then what really happened.

Conflict doesn’t happen in isolation. I find when I caste a critical eye over these types of situations that there were warning signs well before the shit hit the fan that I didn’t pick up on because of inexperience or in many of these situations for me there was something that I really wanted and chose to ignore the warning signs that something wasn’t quite right that I should have addressed much earlier to get it.

And you know what, sometimes during this process I’ve found that it was my fault and I tell you THAT’s a hard pill to swallow, lol. And of course there are those times when I really do believe it was all their fault – keeping it real here. However, most of the time I find that there were things that both of us could have done better.

Can you find anything in these situations that you can do to help you avoid it happening again?

I find answering this question helps me come to terms with these sorts of events in my life.

Hope this helps.

M

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Sarah

Melinda!

Thank you very much for responding!

I do find what you wrote very helpful in sorting out my feelings around these two situations. And it helps me to sort out the “my” stuff and the “there” stuff. I am appreciative of you helping me with this because I am feel now that I can express my feelings from a more objective place than I was at the time when the incidents happened.

I still feel like there was some yucky on the part of other people, and I feel now that I have had some “structure” if you will, with the advice that you shared, that I can express myself in a clear way that, that will allow me to feel understood, and heard, as a result of also appreciating better where they are coming from as well.

And sometimes when we are not taking things personally we can still decide that another person’s behavior isn’t personal to us, but still make the decision to move on, right?

Thank you again Melinda!

:) Sarah

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Barbara

Beautiful message ! Many are ready for empowering information.

With Love,

Barbara

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Leanne Richards-Williams

Hey Marie and fans,

I am on the 48-hrs challenge and I am wondering:

How can I tell the difference between…

A) “not taking things personally”

versus

B) situations or circumstances that are trying to tell me or direct me to something/purpose?

Getting some “hiccups” during these 48 hours.

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Marie Forleo

Hey Leanne! Can you share more so we can support you? Need a bit more specifics and context ;) I’ll also say to TRUST your instincts. We all have incredible wisdom and insight that resides within us. I like to call it our “natural knowing” or our “body truth.” It’s never steered me wrong yet.

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Julie

oh dear. I’m one of those on the other side of the topic this week.

Now, before I even share my contact info, for both personal life and work, I say straight-up —there will be crickets. The only person I allow to ‘interrupt’ my concentration is my daughter. Period.

So, after 2 emails(literally paragraphs of “I blah blah. I blah blah. I blah blah. I blah blah.” and so on statements. Not one question-mark anywhere.)
2 voicemails and 1 text– a total of 5 messages all from the same person in the past 2.5 days… I’ve come to the conclusion; it isn’t me, it’s them.

Would I like to finally get paid the cash he’s owed me since Oct 2013? Of course, I made an appointment to do so later this week. But in all honesty, it’s not about the money(I never once hounded and nearly gave-up on it after all the “should have it by next week”s he told me). It’s about the relationship. Do I have the time to babysit an emotionally insecure, monologic, mismanaged brain-drainer? No. Do I think goading and pestering is good business? No. Will I work for him again? After all this and more, absolutely Not.

Phew. Nothing personal.
Equanimity.

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Darci

Generally when I am waiting for a response I give them a week. I use a super cool program that actually reminds me in a week if they didn’t respond so I am pretty relaxed for a week. :-)

I love the idea of saying “just a friendly follow up. I know you are super busy and this email may have slipped off your radar”……. I also use

“I am following up on xxxxxx. Is this something you are still interested in pursuing? Of course, I take “no” as graciously as “yes” so don’t hesitate to let me know either way. I look forward to hearing from you soon.”

I almost always get a response.

Love MarieTV…avid watcher but inactive commenter!

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Marie Forleo

I LOVE this line Darci — I take “no” as graciously as “yes” so don’t hesitate to let me know either way.

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Melinda

What about how you feel about getting a: Thank you.

I get asked a lot by out other business owners / start ups for information about me because I fit a particular demographic or a general call for information that I have and have no problem sharing.

However while many treat you like their best friend during the asking process, a significant number forget the magic words (thank you) once they have received the information that I have made time out of my schedule to give them.

Am I being too sensitive in expecting the world to revolve around me because people don’t pay the common courtesy of saying thank you when I help them out?

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Sarah

Melinda, I would feel the same way you do, and I agree that it feels some sort of way that does not feel good when people are kind when they want something, but then drop you fast after they get it without even a thank you. I know when that happens to me it changes the way I see people, and I too wonder if I am being too sensitive at times. I think that people have lost their gratitude in this day and age. So for me I wouldn’t want to be so quick to help them next time, and yes, I too wonder if I am being too sensitive??

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Melinda

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Just seeing that I’m not the only person that gets treated this way helps to put it in a context the helps me to see that it’s not personal because when you see you’re not the only one it happens to, it’s easier to see that it’s not about you.

M

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Sarah

RIght, I don’t think it is personal.

But it does not feel kind, or polite. And is that “wrong” for some sort of way to feel unhappy about that? Or dissappointed? or Like you may not want to help that person again in the future?

Does not taking things personally mean we just accept whatever kind of treatment because it’s “not personal”?

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Melinda

“Does not taking things personally mean we just accept whatever kind of treatment because it’s “not personal”?”

What a great question. It has made me really think about it. And I can only reply from my own experiences. And they are:

1. NO. We absolutely DO NOT have to accept any type of behaviour because it is ‘not personal.’ But we do need to be self-aware enough to realize that in all cases it may not be.

2. I think Oprah Winfrey’s comment about ‘everyone needs to feel validated’ applies here. It’s not like we want people to fall all over us and tell us how wonderful we are, however the way I look at it is by saying ‘thank you’ to someone that is trying to help you out, regardless of whether it does or not, is a way of acknowledging that person’s efforts which I personally think is important.

3. Sometimes people are just swamped / overwhelmed with the journey they are on and they don’t have the capacity to reconnect in any way what-so-ever.

3. Other time people really are so self-centred that all they care about is that they now have the information / help they need and they can move on with whatever they needed it for.

4. We could just decide that sometimes it isn’t you, it’s them and move on.

5. WOW maybe I REALLY just over-think things. Oh well I am an ex-Business Process Analyst so Analysis is my thing, lol.

Hey Sarah I’ve really enjoyed our chat. Good luck and have a nice life.

M

Sarah

Thank you Melinda for all your awesome thoughts on the matter of taking things personally. They have been helpful, and have helped me to remember to see both sides of the situation, which helps me to feel more compassionate as a human being and helps me to feel less angry when I “am not treated well”.

I wish you all the best in your business endeavors :)

Warmly, Sarah

Fi

Damn the universe really help. I wish I watched this a few hours earlier. This what i emailed someone today – “I want to inform you on some events or opportunities. I have been calling and texting but no response. Let me know what’s up.”

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Christi

I am at the point where logically I process but emotionally I’m having a difficult time wrapping my head around it. I’ve been promoting myself as a wellness educator with using Juice Plus as my vehicle. I can honestly say I have great results with it and people who haven’t seen me for a long time do a double-take. When I introduce Juice Plus in a conversation, I bring it up along the lines of “I have something that could help you with _” and share how it helped me. Still getting people interested enough to take a closer look is a challenge and I tend to lose patience and not do anything. My sponsor says the key is doing events and getting people to hear guest speakers but that’s far easier said than done, since I have a full-time job and need to devote my time to exercise so I look the part of one who Juice Plus did wonders for.

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Jun

Am totally excited with the challenge!

I, myself is a counselling psychologist and still reminding myself not to take things personal most of the time. What I do is, I will catch myself making assumption or having automatic negative thoughts. For example, my colleague was having a sour face when I was walking towards her. My thought went “she must have been thinking something bad about me.” Then, I’ll stop and ask her objectively with care, “hey there, your eye brows are frowning hard.” And guess what, she was just thinking and stress with too much work on her desk. Nothing about me at all!

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Jen

This is so true. Sometimes I’m just procrastinating and not getting back to people or taking some me time because I don’t feel like working. Maybe not the most professional answer but it’s the truth… nothing other than me being a little selfish :)

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Rachel Henke

Inspiring as ever. Not taking things personally is always a challenge!

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Merryn Padgett (Earth & Sea Creative)

What an awesome reminder, and challenge! Thanks Marie :-)

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Sarah

Milla,

I have not expressed my feelings yet, as I feel too angry, and too emotional about it at the moment.

Also, there is a part of me that is not really sure they will hear me, because “they are not taking it personally” and seeing that it is all over here on this end, and their actions were not to be questioned.

Sort of like the “enlighted elite” who are so transformed that they have nothing else to learn…

Thanks for asking and commenting!

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Dana Calvey

I really like that you changed Don Miguel Ruiz’s idea of not taking anything personally to not taking EVERYTHING personally. The positive or the negative. Somehow that language shift really drove home the point for me. I rarely hear anyone talk of not taking compliments personally.

Humbling.

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Ali

LOVED this episode! I am definitely a guilty gal when it comes to taking things personally. It is pretty easy for me to fall into the taking things personally trap, so I always appreciate the reminder to further practice the art of NOT taking it personally. I’m so down for this 48 challenge!

I could think of hundreds of examples where I took something personally, only later to find out that it was so not personal at all. Often times it has showed up for me in romantic relationships or close friendships, where I feel excluded for one reason or another and think it’s “because of me” that I wasn’t included. I’ve got a serious case of FOMO… I’ve found that just communicating what I’m feeling without pointing fingers or even stating that the feeling is true is really helpful in clearing the “taking it personally. I usually approach the person by saying something like, “I’m creating this crazy story in my head that I was intentionally left out of dinner last night because you didn’t want me there. I am SURE this is not the case, though would you be willing to clarify that this crazy story I’m making up is not true, just to settle my mind?” The person always winds up responding with an “OMG, not at all!” or something of that nature, so I can put the taking it personally story to bed right away, and then the other person understands where I am at too. I’ve used this is all kinds of different scenarios, and feel it is a successful non-defensive way to clear any potential for taking things personally by just communicating openly :)

xoxo

Ali

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Fiona

Thanks Marie. I know a few follow ups i need to do now!!

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Marina

HAha! I needed to hear this because my own aunt who I hold high esteems for, never returned an email that I sent her regarding an important issue. I thought you were going to say that it means she doesn’t take me seriously. She is extremely busy. I didn’t follow up. Not sure I even need her answer anymore.

I accept this awesome challenge.

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Carrie Jolie

Yes, you nailed it again! Thanks for the wisdom and insight Marie!

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Julie

While I totally agree with the message of not taking things personally when it comes to outbound marketing or sales – it’s all apart of the bizness, I have encountered a different form of this phrase in my professional life that troubles me. Being told you are *taking things personally*, when you aren’t.

So far in my career (7 years in startups in SF), I have watched countless other women and myself be told (by mostly dudes, sometimes other women) they are “Emotional” or “Taking things personally” when nothing is further from the truth. Usually, it’s in response to a truth-bomb or revelation that the other person doesn’t want to hear. Conversely, our male peers who speak up are seen as “passionate about company x and their work” or “have great insights” or finally, my favorite, “He’s not afraid to put his (insert male body part) on the table”.

What gives? How do we flip the script here?

Most tech ladies I know respond to this by becoming increasingly flat and emotionless at work (see also: Marissa Meyer), or by trying to navigate around and stay one step ahead of those that would shut us down.
Seriously, it really sucks after awhile.

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Beck

Hey Marie ! That was awesome ! I did a big Boo Boo on my FB page a while back, and it was because of my love of network marketing… I think Im addicted ! Anyways, sidetracking… The story goes, that I do all this info on my FB page, and then I noticed that one of my regular followers had got a package of the product that I sell, and Im like ey ? I simply asked her if she was already a Rep for the product or where did she purchase the product & she simply ordered direct with the company, but in the meantime that I found this out, a whole lot of conversation went on & I screwed up our relationship & the company got an email from her about me also, and the emails that I sent to her which were actually really ouchy ! It resulted in a social media nightmare & I was in a bind… So in the end I realised where I “F’d” up & sent the woman flowers but just left it at that… I really had an over investigation, thought to much made it into something it wasn’t moment… and it was just poor form… So I learned much from that experience… Talk about taking things personally ! Just not worth it… Thanks for your awesome vid’s & this was a real refresher & reminder for me…

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charmaine Chua

Hi Marie :)

Thank you so much for this amazing input. Can i share something?

I grew up in a loving family with four siblings and with parents who love me dearly and unconditionally. However, i was constantly bullied in school and even by my own relatives because of my chubby and short frame. I took every single comment that they said personally and it followed me all the way till the age of 18. Im 19 now.

Throughout my life, i had been trying to fit in with others because i lost my own judgement. I committed many wrong things, stealing and being unfillial to my parents when i get scolded by them. At the age of 18, i decided to end all the tears, unpleasant thoughts and actions because of the flashbacks of my wrongdoings. I couldn’t sleep well, i am constantly blaming myself for all the poor decisions i made. Then one day, i couldn’t take it anymore and chose to share all my wrongdoings with my father. Instead of being reprimanded by him, he took countless hours out of his busy schedule to talk to me. Providing examples for better understanding of what he was trying to teach me. I learnt a lot from him and i am very grateful for all that he had done for me.

I was so bl never did appreciate the love my father had for me. I couldn’t forgive myself for the crazy past. Even if i am aware now, i am afraid to spend time with my father because i am ashame of my past. I spent years trying to forgive myself. I say this to myself all the time, “Yes dear, i forgive myself, i need to forgive myself!” But i never did forgive myself entirely. I love my father so so much. But i felt a barrier somehow. I felt awful and this made me feel lousy.

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Gwen

Wow, how the Universe brings us confirmation!

I was just struggling with this today from an incident that happened on my new job, and I should KNOW better, being that I have learned this very lesson on my spiritual journey – it is irrelevant how people seem to treat you. It has NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with THEM.

It’s kinda an “unwritten rule” in the spiritual and enlightenment circles that it reflects back on you as selfishness on your part for rationalizing it this way; or an egoistic needed validation that you shouldn’t look for in others to give you anyway. If you worry about appeasing everyone and their individual psychosis, then you become crazy. That’s just truth.

You go Marie. This is always a needed reminder to those of us who “forget” to let and allow people to “be” no matter if what you hear or experience is “good” or “bad” coming from them that seems projected onto you.

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The DIY Psychic

I totally have that book, and just picked it up off my bookshelf a week ago thinking to myself “You should probably read this bit o’ wisdom, Jess.”

So thanks for confirming! And thanks for the advice. Certainly as a new entrepreneur I take EVER-Y-THING personal!

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Brona

Love it…love it… and then love it some more Marie!! AND THEN I love the cool inspiring crowd you draw as well – what a nice space you’ve created here…WHOOP!! I’ll be back x

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Claudia

Great show, thank you xxx.

I did not realise the impact of this, even though I’ve been subconsciously trying to adopt “don’t take anything personally”.

The one thing that’s always thrown me, is when a male colleague is emailed/texted and they don’t bother to reply. I’ve come to accept it as a cultural communication block/challenge and when I remember I include a ‘please reply so I know you’ve taken note’… when I do that, it works :)

I look forward to the 48hr challenge.

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Shannon Tate

Thank you for the reminder about “the four agreements”, Marie! I read that book in my early 20′s and it changed my life. I remember devouring every single world and it totally rocking my world. Now in my mid thirties, I see it sitting over on my bookshelf and I’m going to pick it back up again and read it over. It’s one of those books that should be read probably at least once a year as a refresher. Thank you Marie for the weekly inspiration!! xo
Shannon

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Simone

I have the opposite issue at the moment, where it looks like I am blowing off a potential customer, but it’s more that they are wondering when I will have something finished (artwork) and I just don’t have the answer and so now I am just avoiding the convos. I feel horrible, but there’s only so many times that I can say, ‘I am not sure’ and now I am just ignoring communication…but it’s eating away at me!

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Brian Jackson

Don’t take this personally, Marie, but GREAT ADVICE!! ;)

Seriously though, the four agreements should be tattooed on my arm so I constantly remind myself of their wisdom, and this one is one I need the most work on. Freeing yourself from taking things personally is such a big step in success.

Thanks!!!
B

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Mike F.

Some douche-bag at school walked away from me when I asked him something about class. I later found out he didn’t speak good English. He’s still a douche-bag for walking away like that though. Didn’t even try to acknowledge me. Different cultures I guess. But at least the sting wasn’t as bad knowing that.

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Great advice Marie! Love your site.

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I Really you every day More!!! you give the Best Advices Ever!!!
Thank you girl!!!!

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Sanae

I mean Love you everyday more!!! LOL

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Ron Lum

Marie, you’re completely right about being patient and not taking things personal. Too many of us start making a mental narrative when someone doesn’t respond. We think they’re rude. We think we’re not good enough. We think a lot of things. But really, we should all just chill, followup, and if we do get enough “blow-offs” (I would call them “rejection by silence”), then we can think to ourselves how we can sell better or what we’re doing wrong. Last thing we should do is make it personal.

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Amethyst

Such great advice, and something I’ve been actively dealing with over the past few months. Setting up speakers for the Biztopia Challenge, I was really surprised and hurt when several people said no. I went through all of the self-doubt: “Is it me? Why don’t they like me? Am I not good enough?”

Then the anger: “Why don’t they see how awesome this is? Who do they think they are anyway? My list is bigger than their’s – they should be jumping at this opportunity I am so generously bestowing up on them! Well, screw them!” (Oh, yeah – I went there.)

To acceptance: “This probably isn’t the right time. We may not be the right fit to work together anyway.”

And finally questioning: “What energy was in when I approached them? What could I have said or done differently to have them say yes? Did I explain the opportunity well enough, and did I offer them something in return? What criteria do I need to examine better to make sure that I am asking the right people?”

Looking forward to the follow-up video about that last part. :-)

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Lisa

Great message, Marie. I just have to say, though, I was COMPLETELY distracted by how AHHH-MAZING your hair looks! xoxo

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Brooke

Marie – I’m SO grateful for the post and the message. Your message reminded and prompted me to keep at it. I followed up one more time on a connection I’ve been thinking about for 4 months (I had written a few times directly and to another connection in order to move the process along). And I heard nothing for 4 months. I tried one more time this week after your video (why not?!) and FINALLY heard back with a warm, engaging response. If that’s not a reminder to stop taking ourselves so seriously and realize it’s not all about us, I don’t know what is! Thank you so much for your work!

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Jen

OMG. Great Challenge! And I NEED the practice.

All the times I’ve taken things personally which blossomed, ungracefully, into major mind drama… are you kidding me?!
But I am getting better.
Much less the drama queen.
And guess what?
I get tons more done and I’m practically unstoppable when I’m pursuing my passions these days. (Uh, except for procrastination…)

But still, I need the practice. SO I accept the challenge!
(it’s not about me, it;s not about me,…)

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Yasmine

As always a brilliant episode on Marie TV!!

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Rochelle

This was exactly what I needed. I can take all my power back. Other’s opinions are none of my bees naz.

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Rebecca Campbell

Such a great reminder! It’s crazy how much we build things up and take them personally. Thanks Marie!

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Varun

Hey Marie,

Thank you for the very apt video regarding one of the issues which have been pressing many since the age of Social Media particularly. I’d like to share somethings which have happen.

Basically, I’d ask my good friend sometimes for a meetup, and he’s a very reserved and shy person. Usually, he’d give short responses to my questions for my meetups. But recently, he seemed to be ignoring these messages, and I tried to keep all my frustrations in, and I was worrying I was being needy. On Tuesday evening, even having seen my messages and did not reply, I just said “It would have been nice if you had given me a reply. But I hold nothing against you”.

How do you not take EVEN praise personally? I’d usually shrug it off my shoulder, but doesn’t praise help you boost your self-esteem when you’re feeling moody?

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Julie Cottineau

Hi Marie, I watched this episode a few weeks ago and it really resonated with me. But today I experienced it first hand. I waited 30 minutes on a conference call line waiting for a potential client to dial in. All the while, I was thinking that his “no show” status was a reflection of the fact that he didn’t value my services or didn’t want to move forward with the project. About half an hour after I abandoned the call in frustration, I got an apologetic email from him. His wife had a baby last night. Just proves your point that we shouldn’t take it personally. Thanks for the inspiration.
Julie

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Dea

I was crushed when one of my best girlfriends didn’t ask me to be in her wedding. I caused a little scene only to discover that she had taken MY words literally — when I said I hated weddings but that I would go to hers. She was graciously trying to keep me out of the wedding-drama. And here I had cried for hours over that one.

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Samantha

This is something I need to work on. I’m a very emotional individual and I do take things very personally, in business and in life in general. But running a business for 2 years, you start to toughen up! I’ve learned to be professional at all times, follow-up when needed and take each episode and learn from it. Let the water roll off my back like a duck! But in the inside, mainly my head, I still take things way to personally. Thanks for the video, I will start my homework right now.

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Andrea

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo true and needed info. Focusing on the action of following up and the goal not the responses (or lack thereof). Boom!

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Marie, while your content is uniformly excellent, this video in particular was a welcome reminder to not take things personally. Of course, with that mindset, you won’t take my compliment personally either! I do, though, hope that you will. :)
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