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Networking For Introverts w/ Susan Cain

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We’re officially “in it.”

The season where the calendar is overflowing with events, conferences, seminars, parties and all kinds of get togethers that naturally involve you meeting people.

Lots of people. And often, all at once.

If even thinking about being with lots of people makes you want to stay home and take a nap, you’re not alone.

That’s because as much as one third to a half of the population considers themselves introverts.

If you’ve ever questioned the best way to balance your need for quiet with the never-ending opportunities to “put yourself out there” — today’s MarieTV episode is for you.

You’ll learn five super helpful strategies to “putting yourself out there” in a way that works perfectly with your quiet nature.

You’ll also learn how I surprised today’s guest, Susan Cain, author of the best-seller Quiet, with a little known fact about yours truly.

“Don’t think of it as networking; think of it as seeking out kindred spirits.” @susancain via @marieforleo

In the comments below, I’d love to hear from you.

If you consider yourself an introvert, which of the five strategies resonated most for you and why? If you’ve got more to add to the list, I’d love to hear that too.

And even if you don’t, there’s a good chance someone in your life – a loved one or colleague – is introverted. How can you use these insights to relate to someone you love in a more powerful and compassionate way?

As always, thank you so much for sharing so kindly and generously. You’re amazing.

P.S.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked for advice on networking for introverts. Even if you don’t identify with being introverted, I’ll bet someone you know and love, does. If that’s the case — be sure to share this post and help them out!

P.P.S.  Kuma is doing SO much better this week. He wanted me to tell you thanks again for all your prayers and good wishes — they really helped him.

With love,

oxo

Marie Forleo

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Read the comments or Add yours

Galina

Oh Marie, thank you so much for this episode!! I’m an introvert and it’s hard for me to put myself out there often times. I’m learning from others that it can actually serve me!

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Kristen the 20-Something Breakthrough Coach

I’m an introvert too, and it can definitely feel exhausting to go to events and put myself out there for my business. But Susan gives some great insights into how to navigate the world as an introvert!

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Galina

Yes, Kristen! Susan’s advice is great!
I think I was very self-conscious about being the way I am because I thought I would stop me from being successful. Just like Susan mentioned, traditionally entrepreneurs are extroverts.

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Emelia

Agreed, ladies. This is really just another great lesson in giving yourself permission to be all of who you are. We spend so much time figuring how to “correct” these “flaws” and beating ourselves up for it…when it’s a gift.

I love my silence. I love that I’m an observer. I love that I’m in tune with my body and know when I’ve had enough. It preserves me and there’s no need to be apologetic for it. Thank you, Susan & Marie, for the powerful reminder and tips.

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Clare Galloway

Yeh! The interview is wonderfully insightful, Marie and Susan, thank you immensely! My multifaceted projects and colourful lifestyle often put me in a place where people expect me to perform, be out there, respond expressively… But the vibrant expression of my artwork actually comes from such a profoundly intimate and gentle place; from the deepest silence… It is VERY difficult at times to equate that with how my public perceive me! It is a fabulous thing for me to be connected with other insightful women, who have the same happy-chaotic-fulfilling fullness of being which is outwards and inwards, simultaneously. It feels great to acknowledge that my silence and inwardness have an important place in my self-sufficiency! :-)

Deane Giordano, The Off Road Entrepreneur

I’ve got an event tonight that routinely has 100+ people in attendance and I’ll spend all day in a tug of war–“You’re going!” “No I’m not!” “Yes you are!” I always end up having a good time and leaving the moment I hit the wall. Finally, I’ve given myself permission to leave when I need to and to NOT feel guilty or weird about being an introvert.

Double YAY!

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Elisheva Schwartz

Thats awesome!
I loved the Susan -Marie strategy of connecting to one person”kindred spirit”. I find that when I channel that as an overarching goal,- networking is far less intimidating!

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Nikki D. (Introvert and Personal Stylist)

Yes! I have an event this Wed that I was all “Will I/Won’t I” go about. Now, how can I not go and look for kindred spirits?! I’ll just leave when I hit the wall :)

Jessica

Finding the ways that it does serve you is a great idea, Galina! I think what Susan was saying about partnerships is a great support with this–because it makes it so much easier to focus on your strengths when you do have someone who’s “filling in the gaps” because those are their strengths.

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Galina

I agree, Jessica! I think it’s also so important for us, women to learn to change the world in a gentle way while staying true to themselves. I feel like guys are naturally more assertive go getters.

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Elisheva Schwartz

Galina, Im an ambivert ( In between introversion and extroversion) and i really think that putting ourselves out there is the hardest part of building relationships!

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Brenda Cadman

Elisheva, I’ve never heard the term “ambivert” until now… what a good feeling to have a classification that fits perfectly! I’ve often had discussions regarding whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert, and even 5 years ago I would’ve classified myself as an introvert, but in the past few years, it hasn’t felt right. Just took a couple of tests and voila, turns out I am an ambivert. I learned something new today, thanks! :)

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Erika I Modern Goddess Coaching

Hi Ladies,

I have never heard of “ambivert” ( which sounds so darn cute to me btw :) and it sure fits me like so well.

I love people and connecting and when I do I go full out, but I also need lots of downtime ( especially while running my own business, I am sure most of you know exactly what I am talking about) to recover and re-energize, or I can get really sick physically. My body is amazing when it comes to letting me know when I have pushed my limits.

When I started my on-line business, I realized that I can either go out, dance and have fun with my girlfriends or I can commit to building my business ( which btw I found fun too) and take care of my self.

I went from being the heart of every party and always saying yes to my friends to practically the opposite. I went through a stage when lots of my friends were really upset with me that I would not be giving them the time and attention that they were use to. It was little unpleasant but I gave my self the permission to upset them and make the transition the way they needed to while I shifted my priorities.

It took some time, but all is well now and my friends still love me. We just hang out in a different ways and less often. And they are fine with that.

I realized I use to push my self around out of guilt and obligations to other people ( that were unreasonable ). It was exhausting and took me away from the way I TRULY wanted to live my life.

I can’t wait to read the book. Love this episode of MarieTV.

Love and light to all of you.

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Chas

Elisheva,
I had also never heard of that term before, and believe that it fits me. I found that acting class in college was a bit more beneficial to me, than speech class, although, I still succumb to stage fright. I love your name, by they way. ” It is a fact that in the right formation, the lifting power of many wings can achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.” ~Author Unknown

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Tamisha

It can serve you greatly, Galina! I’ll bet we could dig a little and find some awesome ways you self-express and put yourself out into the world you may have never thought of! I’d love you to connect with me and check out my expressions Pinterest boards: http://pinterest.com/tamishaford

Often, introverts feel that “putting themselves out there” is just speaking or verbalizing, and it’s not. Writing, art, design, home décor, observations, intuition – these are all forms of self-expression introverts have to their advantage. It’s all about finding them, putting your thumb on them, and running with them in a way that’s authentic for you.

Hope to see you!

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Michelle-Strategic Interventionist

People always think of me as an extrovert and I have ‘worked’ so hard to fit in to this role. I think from now on I will embrace my introverted side much more.
To hear Susan give voice to the feelings introverts face and to have strategies to overcome them is wonderful. I probably resonated most with the idea of taking some time out after an ‘extroverted’ moment to replenish myself. This is not something I had ever considered doing. Thanks so much for this episode.

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Lori McCausland

WOW!!!! This episode REALLY spoke to me! I actually run 3 businesses right now…I know, I know, I should settle on one, but I have to say, I LOVE all 3! I tell all my friends I have entrepreneurial ADD, lol.

Anyway, with all of my businesses (two are art/craft related and one is banking related), I have to “network” and “sell”…and I really stink at “networking” and “selling”…

I’ve already put some of your ideas into practice on my own…setting goals, being o.k. with myself if I don’t “work the room” at networking events, and giving myself my much needed “down time”.

Since I have incorporated the ideas above, also discussed in this Marie TV episode, I am feeling so much more at ease and successful!

I can’t wait to go buy the book discussed in this episode as I’m sure it will give me many more ideas…and confirmations that I’m not alone in my introverted world…btw, many people I know would be VERY SURPRISED to know I’m an introvert…they just know I do a “disappearing act” at functions and always wonder if I’m “o.k.”.

Thanks again for another amazing episode!!!

“I’m just an introverted girl in an extraverted world”…lol!

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Kristen the 20-Something Breakthrough Coach

I just bought the book Quiet, and now after watching you chat with Susan Cain I’m even MORE excited to get started reading it. I’m totally an introvert, and as much as I love meeting new people and networking for my business, it definitely does drain me and I need time to recharge alone. This was a great topic.

As always, perfect timing, Marie!

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Emelia

This is a constant conversation (concern) that I find myself having every few months. I have been known to come inside on a Thursday or Friday evening and not leave again until Monday morning…and that’s just fine for me. Sometimes, too much energy around me can make me physically ill…so weekends are not really my thing.

So glad you’re discussing this here when networking is so important for all of us “messengers.”

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Galina

Emelia! I can totally hear you! I get out of my cave once every 2 weeks to hang out with people.

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Emelia

Hey, Galina. You’re better than me! I try to do twice a month meeting for breakfast with a couple of friends…maybe a dinner with another girlfriend. I usually go to movies alone on odd days like last Thursday, early afternoon…and I was slightly annoyed that there were 8 other people in the theater. lol

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Galina

haha Emelia, I think we are pretty similar )))

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Andrea Montgomery

oh my gosh…. so it IS NOT just me…

I feel so VIOLATED sometimes with other people around.
smh

Tamisha

Hi Emelia – that’s a great conversation to have.

Another thing you might consider and read up on is the HSP component of introversion – the highly sensitive component of introversion. On occasion, if an introvert is highly sensitive, they exhibit this through intense hibernating – for the HSP, it’s about re-charging yes, but it also becomes about managing your health and energy in a much bigger way than a typical introvert might need to.

If you’re getting physically ill after intense energetic interactions, you could also be an HSP.

Check out Maria Hill’s blog – hsphealth.com and connect with her. I hope this helps.

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Andrea Montgomery

This HAS to be my issue.
As artistic and creative my thoughts and physical art is, I hide in my home. In my room. Sometimes in quiet.

I will certainly be looking into HSP.
Ive been trying to PUSH myself out but that always fails.

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Lori

Oh! Oh! Oh! A ton of kindred spirits. Others who can become physically ill from too much socializing. Others who are made to feel like party poopers. Others who feel overstimulated and bombarded by life. I am so grateful to you all! Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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Kelly O

Lori, we definitely sound like kindred spirits. :)

Emelia

Hey, Tamisha

Just went to the site. A ton of good info. Good to know. I don’t think I fall into the category, though. It used to happen years ago quite noticeably when I would go to a mall. The discordant energies would take a toll. Not a stressful overwhelm, but an undercurrent of unease.

Funny, though, it never happened at a concert or other types of gatherings-perhaps because people are focused on one thing for the most part. I think I’m somewhat of an “empath…” but that’s a whole other conversation!! :)

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Emelia

I just saw how she talks about being empathic. Maybe I’m at the low end of the spectrum. I rarely experience stress or overwhelm…of course, I remove myself from potential situations. But, it hasn’t gotten in the way of day to day function or manifested in stress related disorders. Good info to know if I start to experience some of the other traits. Thanks.

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Jacquelyn

Hi Emelia — It’s important to know the HSP trait, as defined by it’s originator, Dr. Elaine Aron, is not a “stress-related disorder.” The genetic trait of high sensitivity is a gift , and there are many highly sensitive, creative, compassionate individuals who are “out there” in the world making an important impact in this extremely chaotic world we live in. It is only when ignored or put under “chronic stress” that an HSP can experience illness — but the HSP trait, in itself, is NOT the CAUSE of these types of any stress-related illnesses. Just as “chronic stress” can undermine the health of ALL people, HSPs unfortunately are affected sooner than others, and are not able to handle as much stress as the Non-HSP population simply because our nervous systems are more finely tuned. The majority of HSPs are introverts, yet 30% of them are also Extraverts — and in fact, are quite similar to the Introvert described in Susan’s excellent book, Quiet. :-)

Jessica

I love the idea of setting a quota! For so long, I’ve just avoided networking altogether, but lately I’ve wanted to do more of it and there are so many options. So, the idea that I don’t have to do all the networking just because I want to do some networking is awesome–thank you Marie and Susan!

P.S. So glad Kuma’s doing better!

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Deane Giordano, The Off Road Entrepreneur

I love the idea of quotas, too, Jessica. But I’ll still waste time trying to wiggle out of it on the day of the event! Thinking of trying to find the one kindred spirit, though, will help. And remembering that I usually enjoy myself in spite of my heavy resistance helps, too.

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Danielle Mund

Susan Cain is one of my biggest heroes–her book Quiet is the holy grail of the power (and purpose) of introverts! Marie, thank you for having her on MarieTV today! :)

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Deane Giordano, The Off Road Entrepreneur

Susan Cain wrote the book that I’ve needed all of my life! So great to see her with you, Marie.

My strategy, now that I’ve overcome my fear of just walking up to someone and introducing myself, is, first, Humor. When I acknowledge from the start that I’m “out of my comfort zone” and laugh about it, I usually find that the person I’m talking to feels exactly the same way. Ice broken!

Second, I focus on one conversation/one person at a time. If I think I have to mingle with everyone, I know I’ll get overwhelmed and just stand in the middle of the room paralyzed and not making any connections. So I stay present with one person until it’s time to move on.

Third, I don’t fret about excusing myself and opting out of a conversation if I’m not feeling a connection. Chances are, the other person isn’t feeling it either and would also like to move on. Nothing personal.

Finally, I leave when I’ve had enough. Go home. Put on my PJs. Decompress. Take care of my little introverted self.

Thank you Susan. Thank you Marie. Love to you both!

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Galina

Hi Deane :) It totally describes how I act as well. So great to hear that you feel that way as well!

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Emma Gwillim | Life By Design

Loved this episode….
This is the exact question I asked in my mentorship group last week. I can spend hours creating and writing but hesitate when it comes to putting myself out there… I have to remind myself to SHARE my message in order to be able to help other people. Really encouraged by hearing Susan talk about taking baby steps in facing her fear in public speaking… I’ll be borrowing this advice!

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Tamisha

So great to hear you say this, Emma. I’m with you on taking baby steps in facing your fear of public speaking too. :-)

I’d like to encourage you to know that your hours spent creating and writing are also considered “putting yourself out there.” These are forms of expression that obviously come easy to you, and are natural gifts you contain. While public speaking is a plus, and one way to exert yourself and your talent, don’t underestimate the power of your writing as an expression too.

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Kim

Marie and Susan:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Seeing Susan’s Ted Talk earlier this year gave a voice to want I experienced on a daily basis. I used to think I was shy and working to overcome it. People couldn’t believe I was shy. Now I know I am just an introvert.

I am comfortable in public situations that seek me out but have a difficult time willingly putting myself out there. So these tips were just what I needed to here. I love the quota idea very much. In fact on my planner today, I put numbers next to the things I need to do to market my business. I need to talk to 10 potential clients this week and I need to read and comment on 5 blogs (this counts as 1). It is amazing how doable my list seems now.

Again, my thanks for giving a voice to this crazy, yet very real thing inside of me. ~Kim

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Gemma Regalado

While I’m not an introvert – I rank as an ENTP profile on the Myers-Briggs – I do have the need every so often to gain my energy through my own solitude, but on the whole, I feel mostly charged up when I’m connecting with positive, like-minded people. However, I have a LOT of friends who ARE introverted.

I always assumed that “being alone” meant “being lonely” – it took me a really long time to understand that sometimes my introverted friends weren’t being weird or rude when they turned down an invitation, they were just recharging themselves. Making that shift in my perception meant I really upgraded my relationships with them, and with other people as well.

Lovely video, Marie and Susan – a topic that is really not discussed enough!

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Elisheva Schwartz

Hey Gemma,
Im an ENTP too! And feel the same way about often needing time to recharge on my own. I really cherish my alone time , however if there is no social aspect to the work that I am doing I wilter …It’s a constant and dynamic balance.

Btw thanks so much for your help with the avatar photo!

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Gemma Regalado

Hello fellow ENTP! *waves*

Yes, totally agree with the balance aspect – each day brings it’s own emotions, doesn’t it! We each have our limits, socially-speaking.

Glad to be of help with the avatar picture :)

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Jessica at Feed Me Dearly

I LOVE Susan Cain! I’m a huge fan, I’ve both read her book “Quiet” and watched her TED talk, which she knocked out of the park. Introverts can be incredible public speakers too, she was full of confidence and wisdom.

After reading “Quiet” I started to identify myself as an “ambivert” – I could go weeks without speaking to another soul, quite contentedly, but am comfortable meeting new people. That being said, I don’t enjoy the process of putting myself out there in a cocktail party situation where I don’t know anyone.

As a blogger, I’m often invited to events and networking is a critical part of the job. These are great tips and I’ll be putting them into practice. Thank you Marie for brining such incredible guests onto Marie TV. It’s always a pleasure to watch these episodes.

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Elisheva Schwartz

Glad there is another “ambivert” on this thread!

I fluctuated for along time between the INFP and ENFP Myers Briggs personality scale however when I read Susan’s book I realized I am in the middle- an ambivert. :)

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Jackie's Booth

What is a introvert?

I really hate the idea I have to fake it to make it (too). I don’t want to put on a fake smile and meet people when I know (as a photographer), they are not ready for a photo shoot or a portrait.

How do I keep it real?

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Jackie's Booth

Ok… I googled it up and I realized that I am an Introvert.
Yeap, that’s me.

I am not a “go-getter” but I love to have fun. I need to put myself out there since I love photography and running a photo booth business.

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Tamisha

Hi Jackie – I wrote an article that may help you understand this a little more.

http://tamishaford.com/2013/06/the-7-whys-of-7-of-the-most-common-introverted-traits/

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Melissa Burkheimer

Thanks for interviewing Susan! Love her!

My favorite I love the rule of thumb. It’s not a one size fits all game. The next time I go networking, I’m going to do this and not feel bad about only making one connection.

Great tips!

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Danielle

Although so much of how I choose to live my life lends itself to extroversion, I am very much an introvert. Ironically enough it’s my introversion that makes living abroad possible as being an expat can often be a pretty solitary life :).

As far as the challenge: In a less eloquent way, I too have embraced the “meeting of kindred spirits” approach to networking. Now, I really can’t get enough of conferences.

Thank you, Marie & Susan!

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Mia Moran

Just bought the book! Great episode! Thank you.

The idea of finding one person when you go to an event is just so fabulous. It is actually what I do, but I still feel guilty about that… Letting go of that now because looking back, I always find the perfect person.

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Alexandra Leduc nutritionniste

Wow! I didn’t even know I was an intravert! Thanks so much, I now understand what I have to do to feel better and be better!

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Julie Waterhouse

Marie & Susan, thank you so much for this episode. I am as introverted as they come! I do a lot of speaking engagements that I’ve come to enjoy, but they drain me tremendously. If nothing else, this episode was validating, and helps me to shed some of the guilt that I sometimes feel when I have that need to hide away and recuperate. The next thing I need to learn are some of those graceful exit strategies, because I know exactly the feeling you described of “hitting the wall.” Thanks again for a great interview!

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Ree Klein

This episode was made just for me…wasn’t it?!?!?! I have struggled with being an introvert my whole life; not in a debilitating way, but just in a drained and resistant way.

When I tell people that I am really an introvert, they’re surprised because I appear to them to be extroverted; however, it drains me and I always have resistance to going to parties, throwing a party, training a class or leading a meeting, etc.

Susan’s concepts and methods for being an introvert in an extroverted world were really helpful to me. In particular I loved the idea of shifting networking to finding kindred spirits. Now I can implement a “setting quotas” policy and look for my peeps in the process…I have no resistance to that…

Thank you!
Ree

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Karen Pierce

Thank you Marie and Susan Cain! I agree Marie, great conversation! The tip I take away today is start small and safe. Surprised to hear you started with your parents and yoga instructor Marie! I know my dogs will listen :-).
I look forward to checking into and being part of the quiet revolution. Many thanks to you both!

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Anne

What a perfect synchronicity to see this video today, when just this morning I was having a similar discussion with myself in my journal! I’ve just published 2 of my novels as Amazon e-books and know I have to stir the pot on behalf of my work. I have no trouble speaking with complete strangers, but I dislike networking for the sole purpose of “selling” – I much prefer quiet alone time to do the actual research and writing than banging my own drum! I decided just this morning to try an experiment for a week – rather than be the ‘masculine’ extrovert, chasing after connections and publicity, I am going to try being the ‘feminine’, receiving energy, and see what comes TO me, upon which I will then act. It feels ‘right’ somehow. Time will tell!

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Jake Chesney

“Don’t think of it as networking; think of it as seeking out kindred spirits.”

I’ve been in sales for 20 years…I’m an introvert…this is something that has been working well for me for several years now…and I thought it was my little secret! :)

I am buying this book for my kids to read so that as they enter high school, they can be proud as an introvert and/or be sensitive and supportive to the introvert friends they have.

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theresa ferraro

Hi Marie & Susan,

First, thank you for hitting the nail on the head in so many ways today!

I was out with my husband on the way to a business dinner (real estate/client) (both of us are introverts) thinking what is wrong with me? I should be networking like everybody else for my business and for his, but instead…I just can’t wait to get in my pjs, kiss my kids & go to BED! On the way home I told my husband what I had been thinking but I was glad we had the chance to meet new people, and it turned into a really nice dinner meeting new kindred spirits (love that). My work (teaching the average person how to be entrepreneurial and having them teach others) is having to create mutually beneficial relationships by networking or helping people who are looking for a change in their lives. I learned today another term, which puts it in perspective, clearer, “I can go through the world looking for kindred spirits.” Because that in essence is what feels more comfortable to me. I will teach this to my team and recommend this video along with Susan’s new book.

And you two looked like you were having a really great time shooting this video talking about how to take the pressure off of always having to network network network everything!! And I loved it! So thank you both!!

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Rae

Loved the note about setting a quota….! Brilliant! Would love to hear more about living this way as I am constantly debating with myself over what to do!!
Xo. Rae

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Tamisha

Hi Rae – isn’t that an awesome concept about quota setting? I’m adopting that one too! :-)

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bosco

Honoring who I am is the point that helped me the most! It’s okay! – new mantra!

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Marjorie

OMG! This is one for the evidence journal! I’ve only very recently (as in, a couple of days ago!) accepted that being introverted and wanting to work the way I work best doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me. That said, taking this route has a fair amount of risk associated with it. I have decided to proceed in faith. Marie, Thank you for this evidence that the universe is indeed supporting me.

Susan, I read your book when it first came out and found it be excellent – reading “Quiet” was my first step towards truly accepting this part of myself. Thank you :)

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Amelie

I’ve been struggling for a very long time as well to accept that I am an introvert and it would be more helpful to find what works best for me instead of trying to act in a way that is counter active (or being hard on myself).

I have found I do need to surround myself with a few key people, but ‘key people’ is the most important.

Now I just need to find a way to transfer that into the virtual world…

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Tamisha

Hi Amelie – this is a key struggle with many introverted women. “How can I accept who I am MORE and still also not be so stinkin’ different all the time?”

In the online world (speaking from experience), that translates in even more of a frustrating way, because you’re sitting behind a computer. Here’s a few tips I’ve found work well for meeting ‘key people’ online and forging really awesome relationships:

1. How can you give to other communities? How can you bring your conversation or perspective to an existing conversation in other places online and lend your expertise or knowledge?

2. Don’t be afraid to try to connect with people you wouldn’t think would ever connect with you. You’ll be surprised…send them an email letting them know you love their work, connect with them on social media, let them know you read their book and it changed your life.

3. One of the key things I see holds introverted women back from expressing themselves online (or anywhere) is an attachment to risk aversion, and risk aversion stifles creativity. There are 9 things you can ask when it’s time to express yourself online (or anytime), and one of those is “what am I trying to avoid because it feels risky? Do I care about what someone else thinks in this moment, and am I going to allow it to stifle my own creativity or expert opinion?” Just answering this question is so liberating.

I hope these tips are helpful!

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caren

OMG!! THANK YOU!!! I was just beating myself up this morning for being antisocial for wanting to leave social events early. I had no idea that other people hit that social wall early as well. I thought it was just me and it happens ALL. THE. TIME.

Thanks so much for sharing this….you’ve made me feel so much better about myself!!!

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Andrea Montgomery

I cancelled on a friends birthday dinner this past weekend. I feel HORRIBLE about it but I know me, I would have felt more Horrible being there.

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Tamisha

Thanks for having Susan on today, Marie. I haven’t had the chance to read her book yet. I did read The Introvert’s Way by Sophia Dembling, and it changed my life and the course of my business forever. With B-School under my belt, I was able to effectively re-brand and help introverted women with self-expression and assertiveness in a big way.

Great ep!

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jerri

so happy to have bumped into this video today… so much authentic validation here for so many… thanks for all you do!!

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Judith

Thank you for this episode, Marie (and Susan!). The strategy that resonates for me the most right now is “Act out of character for the sake of the work”. This does not mean “be phony”. Actors are not phony when they are in character. It is their art. Stepping into the role of someone who is not an introvert, can be liberating and very educational. I imagine that you could learn some very useful lessons and tools by adopting this technique. Brilliant!
Can’t wait to read Quiet and I’m really looking forward to seeing what becomes of The Quiet Revolution!
Thanks again.

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Ashley

WOW! This is a magnificent reassurance for me. I am a yoga teacher and motivational speaker (which is very extroverted), but am working hard to cut teaching in half and grow my Health Coaching business because it is one on one. I don’t have to be so “ON” and I feel much more energized after coaching. I have struggled with guilt too from feeling this way, and I notice I hit the event/party wall too! Now I realize why. I was so shy and sensitive as a kid, and no one now would guess I am a natural introvert. Thank goodness this conversation is coming to life! What resonated with me the most is developing a quota system and also to honor the true nature of my introverted side instead of fighting the pull of the reigns from a direction that is not intuitively synced.

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Elisheva Schwartz

Im an “ambivert” so in the middle of the extrovert introvert spectrum. I think its critical to remember that fear of “putting yourself out there” does not necessarily have to do with introversion. Making yourself venerable to judgement is scary for everyone!

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Laura Wallis

As an introvert, I have been so excited by Susan’s work. Feeling validated for your authentic “introvert” self is so empowering. And thank you for sharing that side of you Marie. I love how you mentioned your first public outing as a speaker had basically only your parents and a coach in the room :). I agree that babby steps really are a great tool for getting out there as an introvert. I so appreciate hearing you don’t need or even should get up in front of a huge group at first, but instead you should work up to it. Such great advice and above all empathy in this segment. Love and gratitude to you both!

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Nikki

This topic is everywhere right now and I love it! Although my husband and best friend can see it, others are shocked to find out I consider myself an introvert. I think I was fortunate from a young age to naturally discover some of these strategies. I know I am at my best when I’m speaking with a ‘kindred spirit’ about something that makes me really excited. So, whether I’m speaking to a room of people or mingling, I always look for those kindred spirits and just let me passion lead me. It’s nice to be reminded of that and to learn some new tricks, too. I’ll definitely be using the quota system and leaving while I’m ahead.

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Mickey

Fantastic episode, Marie and Susan. Imagine how companies and organizations would be energized if efforts were made to combine the strenghts of introverts and extroverts to the greatest degree possible! Worlds would move.

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Lisa

Freakin’ awesome interview, Marie. Full of valuable insights and tools for us introverts. I personally love the idea of looking for a kindred spirit instead of “networking” (which I totally agree sounds mechanical and calculating). I think I do this naturally but shifting the mindset of “having to network” (UGH SHOOT ME NOW) to “finding a kindred spirit” (now I can DO that!) is an amazing reframe. Now if I could just convince everyone I know that emailing and texting is way better for me than calling me on the phone…. lol. I’m an INFJ, btw.

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Jane

Love this one! I always new I was an introvert because I love my “down time” and know that after lots of coaching or socializing, I need to hibernate a bit. Anyhooo….Love the quota idea. That is a great way to set boundaries. I really enjoyed just knowing that I can be really good at what I do as a health coach and a speaker and that I need to keep focusing on the positive. I will continue to shine my light in a way that is authentic and real to me. Thanks Marie

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Crysti Caro

I think this is my favorite advice so far! I am going to have to read that book. She seems like a kindred spirit. Especially as a lawyer with glossophobia!!

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Mandy at Virtual Fitness Trainer

Marie and Susan, I absolutely love this episode. I struggle with being an introvert. This video came at the exact right time that I needed it, as I’ve been feeling guilty that I’m not an extrovert.

I’m great at what I do, I love what I do, I live for it, but being told I need to hold massive events and get myself out there like that to be successful freaks me out big time.

Love, love, love, love this video. I’m going to watch it again.

Please ask Susan if she’d consider doing a Bonus Video for B-School. Us introverts so need to hear what she has to say.

lots of hugs
Mandy xoxo

PS. Off to buy Susan’s book…

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Charlotte

This is a fabulous episode. Thank you Marie and Susan. I read Susan’s book when it first came out. For an introvert like me it was such a huge sigh of relief. I finally stopped making excuses for turning down invitations and leaving early. I started making changes in my schedule that allowed for daily recharging. It has made such a huge difference. Now I have the energy to use my sensitivity to connect more deeply with people.

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Alicia

WOW. This was amazing. Thank you Susan for your insights and Marie for bringing us this interview! I have always dreaded networking events but felt that they were a necessary evil. It was great to ‘get permission’ to just find one kindred spirit [Anne of Green Gables fan here] and enjoy that connection instead of feeling guilty for not meeting everyone in the room. How freeing. I also loved how Susan pointed out in the end that our greatest strengths may come from our introverted nature. Keen observation + sensitivity are two of my most valued assets and realizing that they are because of my introverted nature allows me to value being introverted too, instead of trying to cure it. Love love love this message!

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Tamisha

I love what you said here about keen observation and sensitivity, Alicia. :-) Those are also forms of self-expression and actual ways you’re showing up in the world, whether you realize it or not – and it’s a powerful thing.

Knowing and understanding how to optimize on our ways of expression enhances how people experience us. I love that you are already in touch with those elements of who you are. Kudos!

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Alicia @LvCleanGtClear

Thanks Tamisha!
I love that so many woman have found common ground on this topic + now know we are not alone. What you said is so true!..Knowing and understanding our ways of expression is how we can truly use our gifts and strengths wisely.

..This video helped me connect my abilities with my being introverted..I had never seen them as one in the same before..So awesome to have this realization!!! So nice to get encouragement from you too Tamisha!

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Lorna

Wow. This episode could not be more timely. I have identified as an introvert for a number of years now and all five of the tips were spot on in my life and things that I do already. The big one for me is that I have my first talk tomorrow. I am doing exactly what Susan suggests–I have a small group of friends coming to my home to hear about the new direction my business is taking. I hope that I become desensitized to public speaking like Susan did. Thanks for this great episode–I feel like the Universe is speaking to me and saying, “you go girl!”

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Ronja Venus Andersson | Orgasmitude.com

I LOVE the concept of finding kindred spirits instead of networking. Takes the pressure off of having to socialize with ‘eeeverybody’ and gives the permission to connect really deeply with only a few. A warm, heart-connected conversation is so much more fulfilling than tons of skimming-the-surface small talk. Love it!

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Nathalie Lussier

The quota concept is awesome! One thing I will add to the quota idea is that there are different times of the month where you might feel more extroverted, and times where you need more downtime.

Listening to your body, and also knowing that by the time the event rolls around you might be feeling different… and giving yourself a way to go if you feel up to it or to bow out gracefully if you’re not in your higher energy weeks.

That’s been huge for me, especially after moving to the New York area last year.

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Tamisha

Love that, Nathalie. I notice this about myself as well. Part of it is my HSP as well, but I always have 2-3 days a month that are much lower energy levels and emotionally higher charged than others. It’s hard to schedule around those when you don’t know when they’re coming, but I like what you said about “giving yourself a way to go if you feel up to it or bow out gracefully if you’re not in your higher energy weeks.” :-) I will use that.

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Joseph

Finally! :). I thought I was the only one who hates the word “networking.”
Great video.

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Silvia Bianco

Loved this Marie. I can’t wait to get Susan’s book and listen to her on TED.
I find this subject fascinating and have no doubt Susan is onto something BIG!

I’m curious as to what I really am. I spend at least 75% of my time in blissful creative work and solitude. I can spend days at home, perfectly happy doing my thing, yet love it when I get invited to a party or an event where I know I’ll meet new people and I usually have a great time – especially when I connect to one or two people in a meaningful way. I don’t like making small talk.

However, I find that if I go out – say two nights in a row – I can’t wait to get back to my cocoon so I can reflect and recharge. Ultimately, I think it’s a question of finding the right balance that works for you and being in tune with the invitations that draw you out. This way we won’t feel that we wasted our day or evening.

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Marian Knowles

Wonderful episode Marie!
The point that resonated with me was the Power of 1 as a good rule of networking. My attendance at important conferences used to feel so random and uncomfortable until I started to seek out a Kindred spiritm per Susan’s book. One new technique that I am going to try tomorrow at an indie media conference in BK is to identify 1 or 2 of the speakers that I would like to talk with and prepare in advance with learning a little about their bio and posing a relevant, topical question to open the conversation. Networking preparation seems to make sense, just like preparation for public speaking. Introvertedly yours, Marian

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Yari

I love the tip on setting a quota. I did it for a while and found it very helpful. Eventually I forgot about it so this is a nice reminder!

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Diane

Thank you so much Marie for this video with Susan Cain. I am starting my business and I know that there will be a lot of different things that I will have to do that will be out of my comfort zone. For me the best tip from Susan was finding a kindred spirit at a networking event. I know that I seek out a person that I would like to spend my time with during events and I was glad to hear that other people do as well.

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Tamisha

Hi Diane – congratulations on starting your business! You might also want to connect with Beth Beulow, who helps introvert entrepreneurs. I bet you could really glean a lot of wisdom from her.

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Gemma Regalado

To follow on from Tamisha, here, Kathryn Hall runs a great website called The Business of Introverts which runs interviews on introverted entrepreneurs http://www.thebusinessofintroverts.co.uk/

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Tamisha

Yes, Gemma! Kathryn is a sweetheart and doing great work also. I connected with her recently.

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Letizia

Thank you Marie and Susan for an eye-opening episode! Wow, I really have never thought of myself as an introvert but I am starting to see that is what I am despite spurts of extroverted behavior. I have always thought that my not wanting to put myself out there meant that I lacked confidence or courage. I tend to be a very private person yet to achieve my goals I am required to be out there to promote myself and that it is so very much “out of my comfort zone”.
A couple of years ago I attended RHH LIVE, I was so inspired by the wonderful entrepreneurial women who attended and spoke. I became energized and determined to finish and publish my children’s book on food allergies. I enjoyed working quietly and planning its production. A month after its publication, out of nowhere I was invited to NBC for a LIVE interview. I very much relate to Susan’s nervousness before speaking as I could not eat or sleep for days. I survived the interview and did well enough for people not to notice that I was freaking out inside. Can you tell? Here’s the interview…
http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/kylie-s-special-treat/1d2srj4m7

Susan, your advice on starting small…in small comfortable settings is excellent, for me speaking on live TV in front of millions really took so much out of me that had I started small I would have built comfort and confidence and perhaps would want to speak publicly more often, which right now I do not…sadly, I have turned down talks at elementary schools and libraries. Would I have increased book sales and speaking engagements? yes. Is this directly affecting my business? Yes, my need to hide is interfering with my success. I should be able to do these things that come so naturally to others that it has made me feel like something is wrong with me. I created a book I am passionate about but can’t seem to put myself out there to promote it. Even FaceBook and other social media, which is a great behind the scenes way to do this, is something I can’t find the nerve to use.

How does a private person go public??
And how do you do this without feeling like a fake?

On another note, I am happily married to an extrovert! We totally balance each other out. That is definitely great advice, Susan, as you discussed, it is good to partner with your opposite.
Lastly, when in public, I do not appear shy, but I do seem to seek one person to connect with and that works for me. Another piece of great advice from this interview!
Thanks again, Marie and Susan, for a wonderful discussion on this subject. I am buying this book today!!
Letizia

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Jacquelyn

Lisa, I’m wondering if you just might be an Extravert -Highly Sensitive Person (we are actually quite similar to the Introvert in Susan’s book Quiet, yet often misunderstood as “Ambiverts” or Introverts who do not like the “limelight.” ) We don’t like to “put ourselves out there” because we find it -tiring and overwhelming ..Yet, we are seen as very passionate about what we do …and are often creators of great insightful work which can and does help a lot of people — yet this very work, developed from our passionate nature, brings the attention toward us — puts the “spotlight” on us .. and then as HSPs, our natural tendency is to shrink, to withdraw, to try and “dim” this light. It is an irony that takes a lot of courage to work through. Brene Brown’s work (and of course Susan’s and Marie’s work) is helping thousands work through this and gain the courage to “Dare Greatly.” Of course, Dr. Elaine Aron’s work on the Highly Sensitive Person- http://www.hsperson.com has been my greatest resource.

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Laura

Thank you!! This was a very meaningful episode for me. I do consider myself an introvert, and one of my biggest hurdles is networking. I love the idea of seeking a kindred spirit or two at an event. Also I appreciated Susan’s suggestion to reframe my own thoughts about my introverted nature into The Qualities I Value in Myself. Love it!

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Deborah Dewey

Fab one this week! Enjoyed. Totally resonated with me. Lots of the stuff you mentioned I do already subconsciously, so good to bring it to a conscious level and understand myself better. Networking events – finding that ‘one golden nugget’ of connection really is all that is needed for a successful time spent going! I have always been drawn to extroverts too to naturally ‘balance’ me out. I have been building on my public speaking in the same way … start small, step by step. An audience of one I once had! but i did it like it was to an audience of 10 or 100! Ironically, friends and people can’t believe I am an extrovert, but, Yep, I soooo am!! (currently on my few days of ‘time out’ whilst typing this in my ‘retreat pad’ away from the hustle of Hong Kong city! and people) I have watched Susan’s TedX about 6 months ago as it spoke to me! It’s good! I am an introvert and a HSP ~ Highly Sensitive Person ~ we can be undervalued in society, but hell, still waters run deep – it can be so much more fun finding the ‘quieter person’ in the room sometimes, instead of listening to the most extrovert ones (yawn) . And as an introvert – I’ve learnt how to work a room socially! I have some very very interesting contacts and friends for it! Love yourself for being shy and enjoy who your energy attracts! ~ Deborah from England.

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Tamisha

Love yourself for being shy and enjoy who your energy attracts!

Ohh how I love that! Yes…that is awesome, Deborah.

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Shannon

Shared Susan’s TED talk with so many. I am an introvert with “extrovert” tendencies. Being “on” can be exhausting, and I’ve learned to say no to things during my quiet studio hours. I need those hours to be creative and revitalize for those things and events that I say yes to and I know I have the energy to be present. Thank you introverts!

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Ingrid

I’m off to a 3 day conference starting tomorrow and I love the idea of finding your kindred spirits. Love it. Thank you.

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Meme Kelly

Ingrid, I hope the conference is terrific for you.
Whether Introvert or extrovert, you must be filled with hope to realize your dreams. “Hope is the key to accelerate the manifestation of Destiny.” Toure Roberts I would love to help you stay inspired and filled with HOPE! Memekellyinspires.com is under construction so there’s only a few blogpost there. Memekellyinspires.blogspot.com has about 70 posts filled with HOPE:). Look forward to connecting there.

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Caryn

This was so interesting, from an extrovert’s perspective, because I already use many of these tools. I think I related the most to the networking tool – it made me think of Brene Brown’s term “Vulnerability Hangover.” I often feel like I have one if I’ve been hustlin’ myself at an event, party, etc. I often only meet one person, and I meet them for life. (I have often said “I am a people collector.”)

I’ll be grabbing both of your books for my upcoming vacation, thanks to you both (and my kindle ;).

Be well ladies!

Caryn

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Cassie

I haven’t watched this video yet, but I’m so excited to! Actually finished Susan’s book a couple weeks ago, and it shed some wonderful light on being an introvert. Can’t wait to watch! :)

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Lynne Campanaro

I so needed to know this. I am an introvert and have learned to talk myself into getting out there in the public and cold call to market, market, market my very recent past company. Even with positive productive results and leaving the company smiling it would take the life out of me. And I didn’t understand why and I thought there was something wrong with me. I feel enlightened and more alive listening to this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love kindly, Lynne

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Lynne Campanaro

I so needed to know this. I am an introvert and have learned to talk myself into getting out there in the public and cold call to market, market, market my very recent past company. Even with positive productive results and leaving the company smiling it would take the life out of me. And I didn’t understand why and I thought there was something wrong with me. I feel enlightened and more alive listening to this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love kindly, Lynne
P.S. I have to share this on my Facebook Page.

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Rachel C Vane aka RC Vane

Thanks for this episode Marie! I have been the “quiet” girl most of my life. In my 20’s I began to realize there was nothing wrong with me, my quietness was just making people uncomfortable.

It all kind of coalesced one evening when a one of my extroverted friends introduced me to a guy and then a little later into the evening, she berated me for being too “quiet”. He looked me straight in the eye and said – “No worries, I get it. You’re deep.” I stopped looking at being quiet as a bad thing and began to embrace it.

Then in my 30’s when I started a business, I had to really find the ways that worked for me – like seeing networking as a way of finding really cool people, like Susan says, “kindred spirits”.

My big take away from today’s episode is remember to “start small”. I tend to do just the opposite – I think for the adrenaline rush. :)

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Pam

What an amazing episode! I was so happy to hear Gandhi’s quote. I remember one of my teacher’s back in high school who said I was the shyest student she ever knew–which confirmed my belief that it’s a negative quality. Looking back, I can see that my quiet personality allowed me the time to be creative and develop my skills as an artist. “My shyness was my greatest source of strength.” Thank you Marie, Susan and Gandhi!

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Pure Ella

I love Susan Cain!
Looks like she really jumped into her extroverted role for these interviews and on her talks! This is a reminder that we have to give up our safety sometimes and put ourselves out there.
It really is scary though. As a blogger I like the comfort of working behind the scenes kinda ‘hiding’ but still being creative and sharing what I love.
I still don’t know how to breakthrough to the other side even for a few minutes.
It’s weird but I do find I’m more confident around complete strangers than people I know when it comes to talking about my business.
Anyone else have that happen too?
xo

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Chaibia

Thank you so much for this episode, I’m an introvert and have been always beating myself up and trying to change who I’am so that I can fit in the society’s standarts. Giving myself the permission to be and embrasse who I’am is really powerful. Thank you!

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Nicole

I’m an introvert that had already developed a lot of the coping mechanisms Susan talked about in Quiet, but I still read the book twice because I it gave me a vocabulary and framework I could use to explain myself to introvert.

At the time I was in conflict with a manager who was trying and get my whole team to act like extreme extroverts in order to create a new work culture. But (as is typical of programmers) we were all introverts. I was better able to explain the conflict because of Quiet and he backed off realizing we needed the uninterrupted work time, not bell ringing, noisy interruptions throughout the day (a.k.a. things he thought were “fun”).

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Tonia Winchester

I love this episode and I think it applies to 100% of the population. I think if people really look and are really honest with themselves they will see that everyone (including themselves) has some level of “introverted qualities” that beg of them for self time – it doesn’t even need to be down time. I think a lot (most – okay all) of people do more socially than they want or are comfortable doing to make others happy – just to varying degrees.

Thems my 2 cents.

Excited to check out Susan’s book. I’ll put it on my wishlist!

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Diane Bennett/Build A Balloon

What an EYE OPENER! I am an extrovert who is married to an introvert and this episode, which I thought would not apply to me, really helped me see my husband from an introverts stand point!
WOW! We were just at a function last night and I kept noticing how hard he was trying to engage and try to keep up with me, from here on out I am going to make sure he gives himself permission to engage conversations on his comfort level!!!
This should be must see Marie TV for everyone!!!
Thanks so much!!!

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Amanda Pickett | Wild Air Wellness

Thanks Marie for such an awesome conversation! I am a huge fan of Susan Cain’s work and I’m excited about her new projects.

The idea of redefining networking as seeking out kindred spirit(s) was a biggie for me. As I prepare to launch my business, it’s scary to think about sharing my message with a roomful of businesspeople who I automatically assume won’t “get” me.

But Susan’s suggestion lets me frame it in a way that feels more genuine, so as I adjust my intentions going in, I expect I’ll have a much more positive experience than if I was merely forcing myself to go “mingle.” Great episode, big thanks!!

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Megan

Thank you so much for this episode! Susan’s work and words have been such an inspiration to me. As a major introvert, I have often struggled and doubted myself and my ability to run a business in which I have to engage in SELLING (so hard.) But it is possible, I just have to accept that I am different, (and that’s okay), so I would be better off approaching things differently.

I love, love, LOVE the idea of giving myself permission to leave events early. Since my hubby is an extrovert, I often find myself growing irritable and exhausted when we go out to a party or what-not, as he can easily keep his energy levels up and visit all night long, whilst I get drained after the first 2-3 hours. From this day forward, I am giving myself permission to bail (or take a break and come back), with some clear communication on my part, I think i can get him to understand. :-)

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Sofia Garcês

Great advice!

For me the one I’m taking with me is the advice on setting a quota. My friends invite me for coffees and hangouts and often I just want to stay home. A quota will help me keep in touch of family and friends without feeling overwhelmed or guilty :)

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Annette Tomei

Thank you so much! This was my favorite episode so far – probably because I am currently in a “stuck” place where my introverted work style is what I’ve identified as the last big hurdle to the success of my new company. I’ve got an awful case of stage fright when it comes to face to face communication – especially when it comes to tooting my own horn for marketing purposes (I’m, otherwise, quite confident and actually teach for a living!). I really believe I have something amazing going – just need to get it out there.
Two things that I’m going to put into practice immediately:
the quota system for getting “out there” to events or just opening my mouth when I recognize a potential customer; and focussing on the “kindred spirits” (of which I am blessed with many).
Thanks again for doing what you do so well!

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Tamisha

Annette – I hope you have taken B-School. If you haven’t, I highly encourage you to enroll – it will really really give you so many wonderful tools & strategies to use, not only for networking, but it will teach you to absolutely LOVE marketing (and probably see it in a way you never have before) and really get your business out there and to the next level.

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Larissa

Thank for this!
You know, I am one of those introvert-turned-extrovert people. I’ve always been a shy girl, while my job and true passion is runway and photography modeling. I’ve been doing it for years but there is always this “idea” of networking at cocktail afterparties to get more jobs, and I hate it. So there you go, an introvert with an amazing talent to transform infront of camera. I’ve learn to just focus on my performance on set so the network I build is strictly professional. (I think I’ve been using #1 Act Out of Character all this time!) Sometimes I wonder if I could have landed more jobs at past events, but I’m happy with the results :) I guess if I just use The Power of 1 I can take the pressure off the afterparties.

This actually helps me think positive of the way I do my own things, and, know that I think about it, I believe that’s how I’ve manage to be successful at this. Staying true to yourself.

Very heplful! Will share!

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Andrea Montgomery

GM Ladies….

What most resonates is the social functions I feel TRAPPED in at times.
Ill have the mind to attend, I show up, and am ready to GO immediately.
Sometimes after 20 mins, others 5 mins. Its an automatic seclusion I feel.
I cancel a lot on dinner parties and events with friends because I just don’t feel like the gathering. I think Im more comfy with 5 or less, than 100+.
Im going to see about meeting the quotas of Showing Up and then Gracefully Extricating myself from the group.

Thanks!

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Caprice

Absolutely love Susan’s book and this conversation. The “kindred spirit” point was especially helpful for me personally as a means of reframing networking. I’ll be putting that into action!

On top of that, the mention of decision-free living is fascinating. I’d love to know more about using that to free up creative energy. Can you perhaps share more resources on the topic?

Thanks!

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Loupita

Absolutely agree, Caprice. I’d also love some more information on decision-free living as it struck a chord with me.

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Kelly

I love this interview!! Two of my favorite people!!!
I also was struck by the idea of decision-free living! So much so that I decided to write a blog post about it: http://highlysensitiveperson.net/decision-free-living/
If anyone has more resources on decision-free living, I would love to hear about it!!

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Cecilia

Thank you so much for this Marie and Susan,
I read Quiet about a month ago during four blissfully quiet days at my parents cottage.

As an adult I’ve always straddled the line between introvert and extrovert, although I was EXTREMELY shy as a child. Now that I’ve traded alcohol for meditation I definitely fall more on the introverted side of things, but compared to my very introverted partner and close friends, I’m a raging extrovert.

One big thing that I learned from this video and from Susan’s book is that it’s totally OK to honour my need for quiet and downtime. Equally important, at least for me, is the desire to truly connect with people. I would much rather have one real conversation than a handful of short interactions. In fact, those moments of real in our superficial world are what fuels me in life. There’s something so beautiful and affirming when two kindered spirits connect and share something honest and true.

Thanks again, you’re both beautiful.

Cecilia
oxo

p.s. Marie, I’m not surprised to hear that you have introverted qualities, you’re so sensitive and one thing I felt when I was at RHH live with you last year is that you really really care.

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Jacquelyn

When I hear others say they have always “straddled the line” between introvert and extrovert, or “introvert, with extrovert qualities” I think they are perhaps, highly sensitive people (HSP), as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron – http://www.hsperson.com . Her research found that 15-20% of the population are HSPs – yet 30% of that 15-20% are actually Extroverts. I am an Extrovert, Highly Sensitive Person, who found herself described beautifully in Quiet. You might want to check this out :-)

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Cecilia

Hi Jacquelyn,
Thanks for the website. I just took the test and I scored in the sensitive range. I’m certainly quite sensitive, sensitive to sounds, smells, energy, emotions. It’s one of the things that makes me very good at my job as a coach, but I’ve had to put a lot of work into learning how to be open in my heart and sealed in other ways so as not to pick up other people’s stuff or become overwhelmed.

I was so relieved to find out about the term ambivert, this describes me perfectly. When I did the test in Quiet I scored 12 out of 20 introverted traits. Certainly not as introverted as my partner who probably scored 20/20 but more than I realized. I think I’ve always thought of myself as an extrovert but it’s no longer true.

Thanks again for the link!

ox
Cecilia

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Tamisha

Hi Cecilia! I love what you said about picking up on other people’s stuff. HSP’s are notorious for not meaning to, but nevertheless, subconsciously picking up on the energies of others in the room.

We can’t help it because our nervous system is literally wired that way, and it’s also why HSP’s are also usually considered very intuitive – it’s an extreme heightened sense of everything – smells, touch, tastes, energies, patterns, etc.

With that can also come some frustrations like knowing someone doesn’t have your best interest at heart and trying to ignore it because you’re picking up on it in such a strong way.

Just like introversion, we are most advantaged to learn to work WITH it as a strength for our lives, and it sounds like you’re really good at that. Love the work that you do.

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Tash

Wholly moley, I think this might actually change my life! Next to Susan I think I might have the number one fear of public speaking, so much so that I sabotage a lot of opportunities and always sell myself short to make sure I can’t succeed just in case. Thank you both so much, I never really thought about the fact that I don’t have to bounce around talking loudly if I was to speak in public, I’m excited to know that there is another way. Now I just feel excited!

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Lu

Wow!!! What great timing — I have been back and forth, arguing with myself about the trauma I face just thinking about promoting my business, and what exactly is “wrong” with me. I practically get sick just thinking about it– I am so glad to know that I am not alone and there others who actually “get what I’m going through” and I am not crazy. I have actually been thinking about finding someone to partner with me to do the “gut wrenching” promotion work and now I am going to actively pursue this.

Thank you for the “kindred spirit” analogy, I will definitely give that a try.

I also can identify with the stifling of creativity when you are battling with having to “get out there” and promote– the thought of that overwhelms me and I can’t even think.

Marie & Susan, thank you for this opportunity to just speak about this–it is such a relief to know I am not alone and more importantly, someone understands.

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Celine

I love the kindred spirit idea (plus I’m Canadian and I love Anne of Green Gables) however I find you still have to make your way around the room to find that person and that is still challenging.

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Noelle

I love the strategies to leave a party. I always feel lame when I have to leave and think people are going to think less of me if I want to go home early. I loved hearing her say that her friend always leaves early and nobody really notices. They just were happy she was there.

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Marissa @ Where I Need to Be

I love this and it so resonated with me! I did an interview with Selena Soo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4N4xA8NPf0) on this very topic. It’s been on my mind for the past year and I finally decided to embrace my introversion, yet like Susan says, I act out of character when I have an opportunity to share my message and have my voice heard. In those cases, the speaking comes easy. Thanks for this interview, Marie!

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Samia Hasan (Wise Women Strong & Gentle)

Wow, a heart full of gratitude to you for this Marie.

I feel like I just stumbled upon some of my kindred spirits seeing so many valuable comments here and wish I could scoop you all to be a part of my Soul Tribe.

Thank you for your comments everyone – such a good feeling to know that there are others out there.

With love,
Samia

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Tamisha

Strong, wise feminine energy, Samia. Love it.

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Meme Kelly

Marie TV is awesome, and I look forward to it on Tuesdays. To everyone who reads this post, just a reminder that whether you’re Introvert or Extrovert, you must be filled with hope to realize your dreams. “Hope is the key to accelerate the manifestation of Destiny.” Toure Roberts, my Pastor here in LA. I realized this while suffering a bout of BLUES recently. See my recent post at http://www.memekellyinspires.com. I would love to help you stay inspired and filled with HOPE! Memekellyinspires.com is under construction so there’s only a few blogpost there but it is my official space for now. Memekellyinspires.blogspot.com has about 70 posts filled with HOPE:). Look forward to staying connect.

Stay inspired and filled with Hope to realize your dreams!

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Ina Sahaja ~ Embodied Sanskrit for Yoga

This is such a wonderful conversation!
I really like the idea of having a social event quota each month. Definitely going to try that one, rather than feeling guilty for my natural inclinations ;)

This work is so essential I can’t thank you enough!!

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deirdre

So true…

That is why I take 2 days a week to check in for a silent retreat on my own…even thought I have two little 5 year old twin girls…

So important to listen to your own inner wisdom and what is authentic for you even if others don’t get it.

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Marly

Dear Marie,
With your black shiny hair you looked younger, and more beautiful – I think.
But I love you and what you do for all.
Thanks,

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Adrien Plavsic

Great interview! Being an introvert in an industry like professional ice hockey was extremely difficult. I questioned myself many times and had a difficult time fitting in. Today I see the strength of being introverted, it has allowed me to grow because I have explored the world within me. I believe strength comes in many forms and one of my models in life is Gandhi. I want to share my experiences and help others own their power in the coaching I now do.
Thank you!

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Marisa Shadrick

Whoa! I think I’m an introvert! I guess I’m not unsocial. I do the “party” fade.

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Meme Kelly

Dierdre, smart you are. I raised three energetic boys and I used to do the same.
But whether Introvert or extrovert, you must be filled with hope to realize your dreams. “Hope is the key to accelerate the manifestation of destiny.” Toure Roberts, one of my pastors in LA. I would love to help you stay inspired and filled with HOPE! Memekellyinspires.com is under construction so there’s only a few blogpost there. Memekellyinspires.blogspot.com has about 70 posts filled with HOPE:). Look forward to staying connected and filling you with Hope as you soar!.

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Stephanie

I think what hit home most for me was when Marie and Susan spoke about choosing a career that you actually love. Right now I work in advertising, and although I’m on the creative end of it, being an introvert makes this job quite difficult for me at times. For a long time I believed that I was just bad at my job, but I’ve come to realize that its the medium through which I’m expressing my creativity that is just not the right fit. I’ve felt bad about being so quiet and shy in this work environment for a while, and have decided it’s time to make a major change. I really appreciate Susan’s comment about how shyness is connected to sensitivity and power of observation. I’ve come to realize that about myself and have been thinking about going back to school for art therapy as a result. Listening to this interview today made things even more clear for me, so thank you for that.

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Lisa Baughn

I’m an introvert and I like the leave-the-party-early-guilt-free policy. Also, I love the idea Susan mentioned of adapting our personalities to public speaking, rather than trying to be this giant bottle rocket going off on stage when that’s not who we are. Awesome episode. I saw how this conversation impacted you Marie, your personality was different here and I saw a vulnerable, naturally quiet side of you I hadn’t seen before. I had no idea you were introverted! In fact, so many times I watch your videos and go dangit, why can’t I be super extraverted and make awesome, fun and chatty videos like Marie! Both Maries inspire me nonetheless. :) So glad you’re in my life. I heart Marie!

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Nathalie

Thank you ! I love it ! The idea I prefer at this moment, is to learn ” to leave gracefully when I’m done ” . Because leaving is difficult for me, a moment when I often compare myself to the others : like ” how is it I am not interested anymore so soon in the evening ” . This is the present I’ll give to myself : to leave peacefully with myself.

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Maureen Ross Gemme

Marie, That was a fantastic episode. I just returned home from a 4 day conference with Tony Robbins (Unleash the Power Within) and I brought my introverted husband, Paul, with me. I was completely exhausted (in a good way) after 3 days so you can only imagine how he felt! I was so grateful to have him with me and kept thanking him because I know he did it just for me. But he ended up getting a lot out of the whole experience and we learned and reinforced many of our strategies and beliefs. I tried to put myself in his shoes but I just can’t. However, Susan’s Ted Talk was fantastic and when Paul came across that last year he made sure I watched and and he sent it to all of his friends and colleagues. LOL! She is totally awesome and I’m glad you had her on the show. We extroverts absolutely need to keep the introverts in the loop when speaking, networking, training and communicating. There are many awesome kindred spirits out there but if we don’t shut up long enough for them to speak then we lose out because we’ll never know. It takes conscious effort but it is so worth it! After watching this video, I’m sure Paul will want to invoke the Quota strategy. I can live with that, especially if it makes decision making that much easier. Great tip!

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Marissa

Thank you Marie for this episode!! I watched Susan’s Ted talk months ago and it was so validating for me. I can’t wait to read her book now. The point that most resonated with me was the Kindred Spirit advice. I absolutely love that. This has already changed my perspective on large social and networking events. Thank you!!!

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Adriana Castro

I really loved this episode…so much, that I put my shyness aside to leave a comment for the first time, even if I watch MarieTV every week. Thank you so much for the tools you shared, in my case, the event “quota” and “leaving early” will help me a lot. Also finding an extroverted partner. I will definitely read the book. Thank you.

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Vanessa Uybarreta

I loved this episode so much. It actually brought me to tears at a certain point when she said you can learn to feel “entitled” to have the recovery time you need. Over the past couple years I have learned more and more how I am an introvert, and that I can accept it. That extroversion isn’t the only way to be successful.

I love all the tips and overall just love the message of accepting how you really are and what you need and know that you can still do whatever you want in business or in life.

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Cathy

I have had Susan’s book on my list of books to read for some time. It just shot to the top today. Thank you so much for the show today. I would love to have some suggestions for an introvert when it comes to cold calling. I am still trying to get my company going and am at the point where I really need to start knocking on doors. Any suggestions?

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Tahina

Exciting discussion!
I consider myself an extrovert, but I still love to leave an event as early as I want. And I love to engage with just one or two people in a meaningful way rather than fooling around with everyone. And I love having a nap and being alone at home sometimes. That’s part of a balance, isn’t it? So, today’s talk is valuable for extroverts, too. For me the only difference is that I feel energized in front of an audience rather than being afraid. And I still wouldn’t want to be on stage 24hours a day…

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Mississauga Anxiety Counselling

As a fellow introvert, I would say I have the best career! As a counsellor, I get to incorporate my strengths as an effective listener, but add questions and insights to help individuals become their best selves! Super video – look forward to continuing to recommend Susan’s book!

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Natasa

My daughter is 8 and she is quiet and shy with adults and with most kids, that are not her close friends. Sometimes it’s hard for me as a parent to have her not say “hi” or “bye” to people that greet her, especially the ones she knows well – it looks like she’s ignoring them, but I know it’s hard for her.

Can you recommend any resources for parents that help us honor the quiet in shy in them? Can you recommend any resources for kids to help them recognize and honor the quiet and shy in themselves? Thanks!

P.S. I like your ideas for quotas for things that are hard to decide. Set the quota, satisfy it, and then don’t stress.

P.S. 2 I call myself a trained extrovert. I’ve become more extrovert in college and I love it. I’ve had lots of fun with it, and it’s easy to find ways to hide from people, when I need it ;-)

I think my original introversion came from me not knowing how to express my feelings, or not feeling safe to express my feelings – it was easier to stuff my feelings and ignore the people, rather than share how their actions affected me.

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meagan

I think you brought up a great point. There is definietly a difference between shyness, social anxiety, not feeling safe, and being introverted. For example susan was able to get over her fear of public speaking but she shouldnt get over being introverted because that is part of who she is and what makes her great.

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Angela Stoner

Marie,

This episode is such a wonderful gift to introverts like myself! I just watched this video with my husband, who is also an introvert, and as each tip came up we were both like “Wow! That’s exactly how I feel.” The point that resonated with me the most was Susan’s insight into giving ourselves permission to honor what we need. I have gone through life feeling not-quite-good-enough on many levels because of the struggle I have to go through in order to “fit in” or “keep up” with the demand of extroversion in our culture. It’s exhausting!
I also love the tip of dipping out when you’ve hit the wall. I often feel myself turning into a pumpkin at social events.
Wonderful advice! Wonderful show!

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Tamisha

I have gone through life feeling not-quite-good-enough on many levels because of the struggle I have to go through in order to “fit in” or “keep up” with the demand of extroversion in our culture.

I hear this so often from introverted women, Angela. Thank you for expressing it this way. You are not alone in that paradox, for sure.

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Derrick Vu

Thank you so much for this video. What a perfect timing with this time of the year where our schedule is full with events. I am an introvert and find that give yourself a quota and find someone that you can click with are the 2 that I feel doable for me. Letting go of guilt when you have enough is another. This is awesome, Marie! Thank you again…

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Jane ~ Rhythm In Colour ~ Cultivating Courage in Women to Shine

I loved this episode of MarieTV, I love them all, but I particularly resonated with this one and found it incredibly soothing to listen to Susan talk and to hear that you share similar introvert “issues” Marie.

Since I was a teen, I always had this cut-off time when I was out dancing or at a party…where I’d be totally satisfied and knew it was time to leave…like, now! And if I lingered any longer because friends wanted to stay, I’d end up feeling like I over-stretched myself the next day.

In my work, I love to create constantly whether it’s writing, video or designing a workshop and would quite happily spend most of my time doing this (especially in winter!), but I also love to create heart connections with people and teach in groups. I find it’s a fine balance because the best way of letting people know about what I do is to meet them. I do love that but get quite exhausted if I’m ‘out and about’ too much and need to return to myself and my own space to rejuvenate.

What I also loved about this talk is that Susan gave another reminder that it’s so perfectly OK to be the way we are (without getting too stuck in comfort zones).

Thank you Marie for bringing this important conversation to my kitchen! You are fabulous!

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Andrea @GoDiaperFree

Thanks for bringing my attention to Susan’s work, Marie. Now I feel equipped when my son starts school in a year or two. I’m not sure what he is yet, but I’m sure it’ll come clear. And also, I am an introvert and the technique I most like is teaming with an extrovert. xxAndrea

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Elizabeth Jett

I am not an introvert but my sister is. What I found most profound insight is that it is OK to be introvert and that there are ways to function and be heard in this incredibly loud and busy world. I’m forwarding this episode immediately!

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Maranda

Wonderful interview, Marie!
I watched Susan’s Ted talk earlier this year. Blew my mind! There’s even a few animated videos on YouTube about the power of introverts, based on her book.
Susan’s work is a blessing. We no longer need to feel as though we’re in the wrong for the individual choices we make as introverts.

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Tamisha

I love the RSA shorts on YouTube, Maranda. They are so cool, indeed!

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Summer

Funny how introverts and extraverts attract and complement each other so well. I think it’s God’s way of keeping us balanced in our own minds…ensuring the extravert will not grow too superficial, and the introvert will not retreat too far inward, so as to only know their own mind. I read “Quiet” when it first came out. I was naturally drawn to the title the way it whispered to the part of me I keep hidden in our largely extraverted society. I reveled in the validation I felt when this beautiful, hardcover, elegant looking book about – could it be? – the *benefits* of being introverted showed up on the bestseller shelf at Barnes & Noble. Thank you, Ms. Cain, for speaking up for the soft-spoken minority! Thank you, Marie, for interviewing Ms. Cain so well! Many gems in your conversation.

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claire

love this one, love susan cain’s work, love the book. i especially dig the ‘power of one’ strategy, and i’m going to try to keep that one front of mind for the social season we’re all headed into. yes.

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Lauren Raso

This is a fabulous interview! Thank you Susan and Marie.
Introversion connected to my sensitivity and my passion is key!

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Alexis Meads

I love this episode, Marie! My business is getting to a point where I’d really like to do more speaking and go to networking events.

I just want to get OUT THERE in person more. However, I don’t know where to even start looking to book speaking events or networking events in my area that are worth attending. I’m in the Boston area and work as a Self-Love Coach.

Does anyone have suggestions?

xo

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Tamisha

Alexis – I don’t know of many resources for you, but when I hear “self-love”, I immediately think of Christine Arylo. Maybe you can connect with her and her network. http://madlyinlovewithme.com/christine-arylo/

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Rosie

I absolutely LOVE the idea of a graceful exit. I adore my friends, but I can only hang out for so long before being drained of all energy. Thanks for giving me the permission to check out a little early!

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Candice

Thank you so much for this episode Marie! I have always been an introvert and what resonated with me most is that…..it’s okay! I really liked the idea that we, as introverts, can work with extroverts to create that balance without feeling less than or that we are lacking. It takes away the pressure and the guilt. Thanks again!

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M

Great episode! So many people think that being extrovert should be status quo. Introverts have just as much to offer. We have to be true to ourselves. We wouldn’t expect an extrovert to start having ‘deep thoughts’ lol :)

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Felicia

Marie – Thank you so much for this episode! I am headed off to Dreamforce next week. If you don’t know this Salesforce.com user conference, picture 130k people in San Fran all trying to network. Now picture me in a corner (where I ended up (literally) last year). My mantra this year has been “meet people, meet people” and just this morning I was like “ya know, I may just bug out of all these events” and was already feeling exhausted. Now I know I will be searching for just one kindred spirit and telling the guilt to beat it. LOVE YOU! Thank you!

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Jenni

I’m an extrovert who grew up in a family with an introvert dad, brother, and sister. My mom was an extrovert and constantly overstimulated me. All of my friends are introverts. My mom thought introverts were just broken extroverts who could be fixed, until my introverted son was born. Then she got it. I have always defended my boys rights to be exactly who they are and found school situations that supported them. I like the idea about thinking carefully about what your future job will require. I’ve been meaning to read “Quiet” and I will order it right now. Thanks for a great episode. This world needs our introverts!

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Shawn

THAT was a great share, Jenni.
What a well-rounded perspective :)

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Megan DaGata

I am the introvert. It has taken me many years to make everyone understand this and NOT think I am weird. Even yesterday at work two of my co-workers were talking about reaching their 20,000 spoken word limit by noon and I just stared. I might reach that by Friday. I just don’t see the need for endless chatter with no point. Sunday I met my family for lunch and it was so intense after 30 minutes I was ready to leave my kids and run for the door! Everyone talking over everyone else and it just got louder and louder until I couldn’t hear anyone just noise. I was thankful that my great uncle who is mentally slow was able to sit next to me in the car while I drove him to his home, because I was finally able to hear him and he me and not have that intense anxiety. On my way home I started thinking about how much time alone and it’s no wonder I was nearly having a panic attack. I spend time with others often, but they are doing their thing and I am doing mine…it’s not required that we interact. I spend a lot of time alone…I may write many times more words than I speak every day. My favorite thing about Susan Cain and her book is that I totally “get” it! I feel like I am finally finding those people that are like me just by bringing up the book. Thank you for the interview and for validating my perception of going through life.

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Shawn

Too funny… My first talk was in front of 3 people and I was TERRIFIED.
A couple of weeks ago I did a talk in front of seven thousand, count ‘em, SEVEN THOUSAND women and I was as comfortable as talking to a friend.

I’m definitely what I’d call a “situational extrovert”. I would much rather be alone than to be at a fun party. After today’s video, I don’t feel that weird lol.

The secret is exactly what Susan said… You get “desensitized” when you step outside your comfort zone to do things like speaking in front of people to share your message. My biggest takeaway of the video: When it’s time to fly, don’t deny!”

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Aziza

I LOVED this episode. Totally great insights about reframing my thinking about my greatest strength- my introverted nature! One of the takeaways I got here was the idea of practicing public speaking in front of a smaller crowd that I feel safe around like my family and friends. I’ve been wanting to do more speaking in public and in front of the camera to promote my jewelry business and I absolutely love the idea of practicing in front of real people first!

As it is now I feel really lucky that I get to work for myself from home and because of that I don’t get to spend a lot of time with people and I honestly was starting to feel guilty that even when I do spend time with associates and friends I cut that time down because I get overwhelmed or start to feel tapped out pretty quickly. Good to know I’m not the only one who experiences this and I can embrace that part of myself and honor my feelings and needs knowing I’m not alone here!

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Kathleen

I feel overwhelming compelled to comment on today’s blog because this episode has hit me to my core. As a child I was painfully shy and was ostracized, criticized and felt completely out of place. I come from a large family (5 sisters) and I was always (still am) referred to as the “quiet one.” The biggest problem I struggle with even today is that I am not good enough, as a person, as an employee and now as an artist trying to market myself. This is the first time in my 54 years that I feel somewhat validated that who I am is ok. I am comfortable with my quiet ways…other people are not, especially in the working world where extroversion is ideal. Extroverts get the promotions and the attention and viewed as more highly valued even when they are not. I am overjoyed that you, Marie and Susan, are showing that introverts have value and can contribute so much more than what our society is willing to recognize. I’m going out right now to get Susan’s book.

Peace to both of you and thank you.
Kat

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Tamisha

Kathleen – how powerful to have that validation for you. That makes me happy to hear. I have to tell you, I get so many messages from introverted women (many of them your age) who feel liberated when they find those ‘kindred spirits’ Susan mentioned (basically, a community anywhere of people who are like them).

One thing I do not agree with in the ‘introvert industry’ is that assertiveness or self-expression is an “extroverted trait” or only reserved for them – it’s simply not the case – I know plenty of assertive introverts who are willing to put themselves out there.

The ones who aren’t quite there yet have the full ability and opportunity to learn assertive communication in a way that is powerful beyond words, while still getting to maintain who they are in their introverted nature.

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Melissa Lennox

Thank you so much for this!! I am an introvert married to an extrovert and I tell people how when we first got married, I really had to adjust to being around someone who required SO much energy of me.

Several of Susan’s strategies really resonated with me. First, that it’s ok to be an introvert. That I don’t need to feel guilty or weird or anti-social for not always being ‘on’. That my need to recharge and restore and just spend some time at home is OK! I especially like her guidance for introverts who work in an extroverted role. I am a wedding designer/planner and it requires me to attend events like venue openings and magazine launch parties and they are great opportunities to connect with other local vendors. I love how she said to just “act out of character” for a short amount of time, and then go back to a restorative niche. Such an awesome technique…sort of permission to just fake it for a bit, and realize it’s ok if you’re not the most naturally outgoing, charming, naturally connective person ever.

This has been my favorite episode thus far and I will apply these techniques to my everyday life. Thank you thank you thank you!!

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Val Nelson (Business/ Life Coach for Introverts)

Like Susan, I’m part of the Introvert Revolution so I LOVE that you interviewed her. You captured so many fantastic nuggets for “taking the pressure off,” as Susan put it. Thanks for the 5 tips. I’m always harping on tip #1 about choosing your path wisely. Your temperament and passions must be in the equation (along with what the world needs) or you will burn out and not succeed. I hate seeing people try to swim upstream when they could be swimming downstream! Your unique style is needed, as is!

The reminder I most needed to hear today was the Power of One. Talking with one kindred spirit at an event is enough! I get in trouble with my energy when I try to do too much at an event. Each one adds up. I have a large network of kindred spirits and when I look back at how that happened, it was mostly the slow approach – one meaningful conversation at a time. Our fast-paced world can make us think it’s not enough, but it IS.

Thanks again, Marie. Love your show.

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Lena

Loved this episode

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Lena

What I loved the most was thinking that we are starting to change the world and the way society usually considers that it’s better to be an extrovert than an introvert.
xo

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Angela Willis

Okay, I don’t have a clue if I am an introvert. I certainly am not one like my son… he hates people. period (he is a teenager-whaddya gonna do?!). I don’t know what I am, b/c when I was young, I was SUPER out going. Back then, I had a friend that helped encourage that behavior and we were both that way together. I loved feeling that way! When our friendship ended, I felt lost. Then I met and married my husband, who is the definition of an introvert. And over the years, our relationship has dwindled, I have gained a lot of weight from three huge pregnancies, had physical problems, had to quit being an entrepreneur (which I loved) for sometime, had never-ending financial problems, and moved 1300 miles away from friends and family (where it was next to impossible to make any friends); and so has my extrovert personality, or what is left of it, has been drug through the mud and is now quivering behind a rock. I find I don’t even know how to talk to people face to face, any more. And although, I love the energy I get from being around lots of people, especially when I feel friendly and happy, it does tend to make me feel exhausted and want to be alone for sometime, afterward. So how does one determine if they are an introvert?

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Lakshmi

You sound like you’ve had a hard time Angela. It sounds like your circumstances may be bringing you down. Remember, Introversion and extroversion are about how you recharge your energy. If being with people gives you more energy (in general) then you’re an extrovert. Being around negative people though will always drain anyone’s energy. It’s a good thing that you’re watching MarieTV and taking part in the community. A good indicator would be to take a Meyer Briggs personality test for a start and see whether you are an introvert or extrovert….www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html‎

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Mary A

I am a new Marie groupie….love you! The idea that was my “ah ha” moment was that of kindred spirits. This is so right up my alley. I firmly believe in surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good inside, because in my mind, allowing those feel good feelings in, aids in the creative process. I do my best work when I feel loved, safe and encouraged. While I seem to be a mix of introvert and extrovert, I lean more towards the quiet side; which by the way, most people don’t believe about me. So while I have historically dreaded any and all networking events, I am now looking forward to the next opportunity for me to find me some kindred spirits yo!

Oh, I almost forgot….LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Ghandi quote. POWERFULL and life giving!

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Tara

I found that the best takeaway for me was the seeking out kindred spirits approach, I feel like I sometimes naturally do this but it definitely takes the edge off in a large group setting. I also love the leaving early approach, which is something I’ve more recently started. I consider myself to be both introverted and extroverted, but ever since moving from my hometown, I’ve become a lot more introverted.

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Carrie

Great episode. My favorite so far. I’m now able to understand that I don’t need to change who I am in order to have a life I love! I normally try to avoid social settings because I am an introvert. I often reach a point when I can’t even find my words, like my brain is put on hold. The idea of making appearances and hanging around just a couple hours is so doable. I also love the tip about finding the kindred spirits. Brilliant.

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Stephanie @ the Forest of Healing

Thank you so much for this episode, Marie! I’m a huge Susan Cain fan. I eagerly got Quiet after reading about it in the Time magazine article. It’s such an incredible book and there were so many things I found myself nodding in agreement with as I read it!

Quotas is a strategy that resonates most with me. I guess I have kind of been doing this for awhile without having a word for it. I started using set amounts of time for social situations some time ago – it was a really helpful compromise with my (somewhat) ambivert husband.

I’ve since begun trying to employ this strategy with my day job when I can. My boss is really supportive and understanding about my need to have alone time to process info & get work done. My next challenge is to figure out how to incorporate all this into my fledgling business. Because I call the shots there, it’s easy to just avoid networking and marketing situations instead of finding a way to make it work with my temperment. That is definitely not working for biz development! :-)

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Alexandrea J. (@CoachAlexandrea)

I LOVE this! I’m definitely an extrovert BUT I love that Susan and Marie recognizes that the needs of introverts are different and so it’s important that we learn to create a world that celebrates our different temperaments in awesome ways! I loved this! I made sure to share this on my facebook page & profile and my friends and followers loved it! :)

One thing that REALLY resounded with me is being ok with the fact that you may want to leave after 2 hours and just do it. :) I LOOOOVEEE being around people and I definitely can be a energy vampire of sorts! lol haha BUT I also REALLLYY need my down time alone. I mean REALLY need it. I feel very very lethargic if I don’t have down time AND people time-it’s kind of crazy. But I have always felt bad if I wanted to leave after an hour and a half or two hours but now I know! I have my permission so I will walk out the door with my head held high! :) LOL

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Monique Lusse

Thanks so much, Marie & Susan, for this wonderful episode.

Two things:
1. The strategy that I’ve been working with since the beginning of 2013 is to schedule 1 networking event per week, get there on time, leave at the end and talk to at least three people. That’s what success looked like for me. The one thing that’s been consistently difficult for me is the “leave at the end” part. Which takes me to point #2.

2. What I took away from today’s episode is “when it’s time to fly, don’t deny.” Now that I’m more comfortable with the quota system, I realize that I’m not crapping out if I leave early. Thanks so much for giving me the insight and permission that it’s OK for me to leave earlier than others. What a gift. I’ll be trying this out and not denying any more!

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lindsay rentz

This was an informative episode for me in helping me approach some of my clients. Although I am an extrovert, it’s so important to understand the nature of those with different dispositions, and how I can help them get to their mat more regularly, or for me to connect with them in a personal way when coaching. The tip on networking was super helpful…attend one a week, or whatever it is, but name the quota and reach it. Susan seems like a lovely person, and I will get the book as a Christmas gift for the introverts in my life. Thanks so very much.

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Healthy Gifts in a Basket

Great episode and I love the book Quiet. I really resonated with the ideas of finding a career/job that fit with your temperament and giving yourself permission to have guilt free alone time to recharge and renew.

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Tina

The book sounds great. Describing introversion as a sort of civil rights movement of today brought me to tears.

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Merrett

Great topic as always, thank you Marie! I totally relate to this and have my own story of how I deal with “hitting the wall” which I always do at some point. In business it’s harder to deal with but in my personal life I’ve trained my friends and loved-ones to know that when I host the get togethers (which I usually do for this very reason) at some point oh usually around 11pm or so, I will announce that I am going to fetch something from my bedroom, but we all know it’s about a slim chance to none that I will actually return! The point is that I don’t want the party to end just because I can’t keep up with all those extraverts, and they don’t want me to anguish with overwhelm, so we have this secret understanding that I will simply slip away when it’s “time” and they can go on whoopin’ it up til the break of dawn if they like! They even call it pulling a “Merrett” :)

In all seriousness though, I think it’s great that this movement is taking place. We intro’s have so much to offer the world with insights and creativity and to peel back the shame of ANY personal characteristic is always a step in the right direction.

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Lori Chamberland

Wonderful episode. Thanks to Susan and Marie. I so often feel completely drained after social events. Not all; just the ones where I feel like I have to “be something”. The ones where I imagine someone is expecting something of me. Like Health Fairs. Eee Gads! Of course this is just my impression and not generally the reality.
One of the most effective tools I have found for restoring my energy is a deep guided meditation process called Yoga Nidra. All you do is lay down, get comfortable and listen to skillful guidance. There are lots of really good Yoga Nidra CDs/MP3s out there on itunes and CD Baby. Two I really love are Rod Stryker’s Relax into Greatness and Terry Oldfield & Soraya Saraswati’s CD simply called Yoga Nidra.
I have also just produced my own Yoga Nidra CD and am absolutely honoured to share a free track with you. But promise you won’t just play it. You need to experience it!! Get comfortable, close the door, turn off the phone and recharge! It’s here if you want to give it a try: http://www.balancerelaxationtherapy.com/yoga-nidra-download/

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Tina

Laurie, I teach Yoga Nidra. I love that it helps you rejuve and that you bring it up here in this context. The 2 recordings you mention I also love. ANd practicing live with Rod Stryker is so extra lovely….

and I’m going to use your track as well…..
I’ve done a few of my own, though none are up on my site at the moment…I have a brand new fresh one coming out!

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BWellWithGinnyM

Marie you are awesome. Thank you so much for this inspiring episode. I am an introvert AND I have found the work that I feel called to do. Your interview with Susan Cain reaffirmed for me that I am building my public speaking muscle and stamina slowly but surely, as I schedule monthly events. I loved tip #1: Act out of character for the sake of the work you love, but do it mindfully. I believe this tip, along with the others will provide me with the ammunition to keep on keepin’ on. I also loved “When it’s time to fly, don’t deny”- loved the idea and your poetic choice of words. :-) Giant hugs to all of my fellow introverts out there.

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Tifanie

I really enjoyed this. Thank you so much, Marie, for introducing Susan Cain; can’t wait to go checkout her website!

I loved the first topic on looking at your core job duties and figuring out if these activities play on your natural strengths. Doing that exercise played a huge role in my decision to leave the corporate world and work for myself. Being able to choose when I’m “on” or not “on” has made every day much more peaceful and enjoyable.

Such an interesting topic. Thanks again!

:) Tifanie

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Kate

I loved this video! I am an introvert and have definitely felt guilt and weirdness about it in the past. I’ve come to recognize that it’s just part of who I am and not a bad thing. My favorite tool Susan shared was her reframing of networking as seeking kindred spirits. I love that! And will definitely use it!

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Kristy - MakeLifeCute.com

Thanks so much Marie and Susan! I can’t tell you how much I need to hear this! Totally buying Susan’s book on Amazon like right now! I’m a total introvert – through and through lol.. I pushed myself beyond belief to be “out of there” the first few years of getting my business up and running, and it left me physical, mentally, and emotionally exhausted and actually even caused a few stress related health problems.. I was totally out of balance and trying to be extroverted all the time. Glad to know there’s hope for us introverted business people to succeed without killing ourselves trying.. :) Thank you!

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elinor

Wow, so much great information in this interview! I think I’ll replay it again a couple of times to have it all sink in.

I’ve always cringed at the term ‘networking’ and associated it with opportunistic and fake… I naturally ignore the ‘what can i get here?’ and gravitate towards people I find open and friendly without an agenda. It works for me.

A great insight for me today was the fact that introverts reach their limits after a couple of hours socializing. I thought i was the only one. Close friends call me ‘disappear-a-lot’ and don’t mind about it at all, but I have always felt very self-conscious about this trait in social functions and used to beat myself up for it. What a relief to hear how Marie and Susan handle this.

I really enjoyed to read the comments as well, you’re giving a voice to us introverts!

Thank you for your wisdom ladies, encouraging and allowing each of us to be true to ourselves.

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Jana

There was so much juiceyness here! The ghandi quote gave me the chills. I I loved a lot about this video and have realized this year that I have a lot of introverted qualities in me and need a lot of down time. I have been LOVING writing and working from home but know I also need to get out into the world to promote my business and when I teach my creativity courses. I LOVED a few tips – having a quota for networking events and find one kindred spirit. The small step, gentle approach is a big part of what I encourage my students and clients to do and myself – and I’m so happy to watch it here. That truly resonated with me.

As I start going out in the world to more events, I will take these tips to heart and be a lot more gentle with myself! To a gentle, quiet revolution.

PS. Marie – thank you for being so honest about your introverted side. It helped me to see that I am not alone here.

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Kristi {encircled.ca}

Thanks Marie!

I’ve done the Myers-Briggs and was an INTJ… with the introversion close to the extraversion (rated near the middle). Somedays being around people energizes me, sometimes I need time by myself to recharge.

I used to WANT to be extraverted. I remember a leadership training meeting where they asked the introverts to go to one side of the room, extraverts to the other. I swear people went to the extravert side because it was “cooler” as 90% of the room was ‘extraverted’. It seemed so strange!

Since then, I’ve learned to OWN my introversion. I do my own thing. Like Marie, I prefer attending and hosting small parties (4-5 people) versus attending 30 person dinner parties. I know that some people drain me, some energize me. Being aware of this has helped build my confidence.

I’m now totally cool going to networking events solo, and reaching out to people and introducing myself. I think it comes down to confidence and truly owning what you’ve got.

Thx again! xo

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flyinjuju

Loved this!! What a great interview and I love “Quiet”.
My greatest takeaway is to look for a kindred spirit. Although I do that somewhat naturally, I think if I go into a social situation with that as my “goal” it will ease some of the pre-anxiety.
I will be listening to this again!
Thanks Marie!

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Anesa

I just wanted to add that sometimes getting together with friends and just dancing in the living room without talking is the best way to socialize. I tend to hit walls at parties without the option to dance very quickly.

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Katie

This was JUST what I needed! I totally relate to so much of what you both discussed. At work I can be brave and confident, but socially I quite often just shy away and melt into the background. My friends don’t understand and it’s great to know I’m not the only person like this!!

I’m going to a big event tomorrow night on my own and have been quietly terrified about who I’ll talk to and what I’ll say, but this has really helped me – I’ll just pick out that kindred spirit and try to have a good time. Thank you Marie and Susan! (off to buy Quiet now!)

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Sonya

I wrote about this exact same topic last week on my blog – I’m an introvert and have recently been challenging myself to stretch my life a little and attend network events – was certainly awkward initially but its getting easier: http://greenapplemagazine.com/2013/11/04/networking-and-being-an-introvert/

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Kristyn

Marie, it’s like you are in my head!! I’m new to MarieTV, but the past few Q&A Tuesdays have been perfectly timed to help me deal with an issue I’m tackling. You’re freaking me out. I’m an introvert who is preparing for a presentation at a large conference as well as a job change that will involve many, many networking obligations. Susan’s advice spoke to me, especially around finding the kindred spirit, and “When it’s time to fly, don’t deny!”. Thank you!!

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wac

This is not really about “introverts” at all. They have just redefined “introvert” to mean something more like…, well, “extrovert.” Changing the meaning of words doesn’t help. If Marie Forleo is, in any way, an introvert, the term is completely meaningless and has been redefined out of all sense. There ARE real introverts — but nothing resembling true introversion has been touched on in this video. We’re really way, way down the rabbit hole here: “A word means whatever I say it means.” This all leaves the small percentage of people who actually ARE true introverts back at square one.

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kathleen rose

Hi wac,
I can see where you can be confused, as many people are about this. But remember that ‘introvert’ is not synonymous with ‘shy’ or ‘socially anxious’. It is possible for someone to be introverted but not shy in the least.

Introverts, as a very simple definition, are people who get energized by being alone. Extroverts get their energy from being with others. You never know who is an introvert until you really know them.

I have also heard that introversion and extroversion is on a spectrum and it might be shaped like a bell curve – meaning most people fall somewhere in the middle and aren’t TOTAL introverts or TOTAL extroverts.

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Ms. Nasere

“In a gentle way you can shake the world”. A priceless quote indeed.

I love this interview conversation with Susan! Absolutely useful Marie. I used to think and focus my attention on those in the audience who are disgruntled or sad whenever I’m doing public speaking, but now I’ve learned to focus on those who are excited with what I am about to deliver in my speech. I’m also an introvert and I used to think that something was wrong with me in wanting to prefer solitude more than the company of so many people in a social setting, but as Susan highlighted, adopting extrovert qualities to fit in and be considered normal especially in this amplified social networking times, explains me to a T. I realize that it is only in my quiet moments that inner calm, strength and peace of mind is restored and I feel rejuvenated again.

This is an awesome video. I am looking forward to reading Susan’s book, ‘Quiet’.

Thank you Marie and Susan!

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Sophia

My mum needs to hear Susan speak. She’s always suffered with this guilt for not putting herself ‘out there’ all her life. And this has also helped me give my shy son some techniques on how to manage socially. Totally brilliant. Have ordered Quiet to gain more insight. Thank you, MF. You are awesome!

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Jennifer Giuffre-Donohue

Thank you for introducing me to Susan Cain! I can’t wait to read her book. I’m an introvert with a passion for some extroverted things like singing & acting. Thank you for what you said about leaving places early or after you hit that wall. I always feel like I’m the only one who hits my limit & then I need to go! I like the idea that you both spoke of, of honoring that in you & taking yourself out of a situation when you know you’ve had enough. Now when I do that I won’t feel guilty about it anymore!

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Jennifer

LOVE this! And I love the idea to not look as networking like “networking” but rather “kindred spirits”. That feels SO much better to me cause, as you both said, networking just feels so much more mechanical and not very personal. To me, it kind of takes the joy out of it.

Thanks so much for posting! I’ll definitely check out “Quiet”!

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Sarah m

I don’t think I have ever commented on this site but I have been watching Marie TV for over a year. :) The reason to NOT be quiet anymore? I L-O-V-E Susan Cain’s book. I totally geeked out over this awesome interview. I read Quiet last year and did a book review on my personal blog (http://ssmast.blogspot.com/2012/05/book-review-quiet-power-of-introverts.html). It helped me process a lot of why my husband and I have communication issues on people at our house. As in, it totally drains me, he wants to host people all.the.time.
I can even remember from a young age (8 or 9?) asking my mom to tell my friends over the phone I couldn’t see them that weekend. I’d have her make excuses for me, but after a full week of school, I would be peopled-out. She was kind enough to do so for me. I secretly think she was okay just having me to herself. :)
Since we recently relocated across the country to a small town where I knew no one, I have had to be pretty bold and get involved to make any friendships work. I feel because I’ve been pushing myself to do those things so much, it does come natural to me, but I do get exhausted of being “on” if it’s for extended periods of time. I think that is universal introvert language.
Sarah M

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Brenda

This interview was what I needed! Thanks for sharing ladies and love you Marie! <3

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Julie

Hey Marie & Susan,

Great episode, thank you so much. Susan I found your book back in April and was completely drawn to it, firstly the white over and title… Any Introvert would just gravitate to it… I love it.

It is was and is so nice to finally have a book that celebrates the Introvert. I find as you have expressed so well today, the attitude and bias of others towards the Intovert is ever present. I have felt this and fought with this my whole life and I have certainly pushed myself to fit the extroverts view of the world and although a struggle its not a bad thing as I have gained skills such as public speaking that had I retreated i would never have achieved.

As I get older (53) I now fully embrace my shyness and introversion and I am finally doing what I love, working for myself, creating an on line business where I can fully engage with my creativity.

Love the idea of partnering with an extrovert to tackle the things I am not so good at..

Thanks again

Best, Julie x

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Christine

OMGoodness. All your great comments sent me running over to the Myers-Briggs website one of you mentioned. I thought I would simply verify what I already knew…that I’m an “extrovert”. I’m shocked to see I’m actually an introvert and I’m good at “faking” to be an extrovert. Is there a name for this? Lol. When I am comfortable, I talk too much, too loud, and have an opinion…though I’m not overly forceful on others…I tend to be certain that my opinion is the correct one. Growing up with two other sisters and fairly loud (but loving:D) parents…the one that could talk or scream over the others won the day. Sad but true. Being in Ministry, I have learned to tame myself…the idea of “walking in love” permeates my thinking and mindset which has changed me more, from the inside out. I smack myself when I feel I’ve accidentally overstepped the bounds of propriety. All that said, I prefer and LOVE my alone time. It helps to know it’s a part of me and that’s OK…even in God’s eyes (who created me in the first place :D I need to be around others in what I do and that is helping and loving on them, many times in small groups…but I never tend to make “best friends” of them. I have a few quality relationships that help fill my need as well as theirs (kindred spirits is a great term I just grabbed onto from the video – thanks!).

Lol…as you see, when I’m comfortable…I WRITE a lot too! I just assumed that made me an Extrovert. I love the better understanding and can’t wait to figure it out on an even deeper level to better myself.

God bless you all :D

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Kelly

Love this.

Not sure I agree with the making a quota approach, I think it is better to be true to who you are. Chances are, if you don’t like the events, you won’t be your best self…

Recently I provided this perspective in a guest blog: just stop networking :)

Would love to know what others think: http://forthchicago.com/forth-follow-up-kelly-obrien-of-ideaction/

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Tracy Wong

I love the idea of the quota system!! It’s definitely a better motivation for me to get out of my comfort zone and go find my kindred spirit. At networking events I do prefer striking a good conversation over handing out as many business cards as possible, and it’s nice to hear someone else believes in that too.

Thank you for a great episode, Marie and Susan!

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KT Doyle

Thank you Marie for sharing this interview with Susan Cain. I watched it nodding my head the whole way through. I then went on to watch her Ted talk and this morning, I feel a sense of freedom and validation in my introverted self that is truly liberating. Like many, I love people, I love stimulation, but not too much, not all the time, in small doses and short sittings and sharing Susan’s viewpoint with us today has helped lift the guilt of not being the person I imagine others want to be around. Thank you, thank you, thank you… Now off to buy her book! xxx

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Deanna L. Robinson

Oh my gosh, does this ever speak to my soul. Seriously. I’m sure everyone in my life would be shocked that I’m an introvert. Thank you for this amazing episode. What spoke to me most, was allowing for my recovery time. I just returned from EIA and was relieved that I had allowed a clean day on my schedule to recover. Sensory overload happens after large events. Giving myself permission to recover is HUGE.
Many Blessings back to you!
Deanna

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Jennifer Aderhold

Deanna, you were at EIA? So was I! I so get where you are coming from. Yesterday was my decompress day as well!

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gwen

I’m curious because I have a hard time with this, I’m wondering what are some ways you gracefully leave a networking event? Would love to hear what’s worked for others.

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Avril Marchegiano - Holistic Energy Therapies for Animals

This post resonated with me so much… I’ve been an introvert all my life, very quiet, reserved and shy, preferring – as you said, Marie – to spend my time with 1 or 2 close friends as opposed to a large crowd of people.

The strategy that really clicked for me was the one about going to a networking event with the intention of seeking out kindred spirits. I’ve always had difficulty approaching the bigwigs at any event (I often just don’t connect with them – with some exceptions – and don’t really have anything to ask/ say to them), but have always felt pressured by my colleagues to do so. Once I began going to events and just trying to have fun and find people to have intriguing conversations with (whether or not those conversations centered around business), then connections with people began to just naturally happen. And who is to say that the “little” people you converse with at parties are not the next big thing? If we surround ourselves with people who are doing work that we support and who support us, and who we just have a great rapport with, then our business and clientele base will just naturally begin to build.

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Oliver

Hello,

I am an introvert. The introvert tip that most resonated was about building stamina and remembering that most people, “do want to see a person succeed”. If you are emotionally squirming around as you speak chances are your audience is squirming around uncomfortably in their seats. They do not have to be exposed to your fears. Remain positive, remember the people backing you, and that you may be speaking for others afraid to offer an opinion.

About Me…
I avoid social settings in unfamiliar surroundings like the plague..
When in social settings, I constantly have to remind myself to take off my protective suit so I can relate to the extroverts in the house. Because I have so little practice doing this I am sure the behavior I display comes off as really fake. Once I get more practice it might seem more sincere to the extroverted folk. Normally I gravitate to finding persons, “standing alone”, cause it’s part of a comfort zone and it’s also easier to keep up with the conversation.

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Jennifer Aderhold

Thank you so much for this interview with Susan Cain, Marie! It resonated with me to my very core.

I am VERY introverted. Over the years this has caused me not to play full out in my business. Additionally, going to huge events would totally freak me out and then wipe me out.

The message I share on my site beabestseller.com is:
VOICE MATTERS. DARE TO SHARE YOURS. IMPACT THE WORLD!

I decided if that’s my message to others, I better get my ass in the game and start living it too!!

I have had my ups and downs but am finding my balance slowly but surely.

I can’t wait to pick up Quiet and follow Susan’s latest venture. It’s sound perfect for helping grow and thrive as introvert in this crazy world.

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Kristen

I’m always amazed when I hear people speaking and it’s as if they are speaking for me. This interview was so great! I grew up thinking I was an extrovert as I’m pretty good with people and that’s what everyone around me said. But one day maybe after I read an article, I realized that I’m an introvert. And life definitely makes more sense when you know this. Of the 5 strategies, I resonated most with 3 (although each one I can relate to). I love thinking about kindred spirits instead of networking. That is a huge takeaway for me as small talk can be like pulling teeth for me. And I’m not a great faker :-). Thank you for this great interview Marie and Thank you Susan for sharing your experiences and advice. I’m running out to get your book!

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Irma

Sending love and light to Kuma!!

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Catherine Gutsche

NOW I understand the reason I’m always finding myself shadowing extroverts.

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Sherry Langland

I’m going to a conference next week and have already begun to stress about networking. This post could have come at a better time! I know I will be watching it again a few more times before the conference. I’m also going to make a list of questions to ask people if (OK, when) I get tongue-tied. Thank you for the awesome post. Susan Cain’s book has been aide saver for me, and I’ll definitely be checking out her quiet revolution!

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Melodee Forbes

I absolutely loved this episode!

Funny in college, I shared with my peers that I was an introvert and they didn’t believe me. They thought I was an extrovert, because we had slumber parties in my room. I was the go-to-gal when there were problems on our wing. I happily listened to my peers pour out their heart… and genuinely loved encouraging them.

So, Iooking back I can kinda see why they didn’t believe me necessarily, but Susan Cain was spot on when she made the point about getting my energy and creativity from quiet, tranquil places.

If I don’t get quiet, or have times of tranquility- my peace and creativity are altered.

Libraries turn me on. Books are my friends. :-) Yes, I’m an introvert.

My “aha” or take-away was the focus on the one, kindred spirit strategy. I’ve never been fond of the work the room, get as many business cards as you can method. Love the idea of “kindred spirits” reminds me of my favorite movie, Anne of Green Gables.

Thanks for another great episode, Marie!

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Diane T.

Oh thank you SO MUCH for today’s episode! I’m a 50 year old introvert who has spent almost my entire life being ridiculed by others (from playground bullies to bosses) for being who I am. You cannot believe how painful this has been–or maybe you can, since you were so wonderful enough to have Susan Cain on your show : ) ! For the past twenty years I have worked in NYC as a fundraiser–a field that is just swarming with extroverts, most of whom seemed to end up being my boss (!!!). Most recently, I spent the last five years being repeatedly harassed by a boss who was a total (cruel) extrovert because I couldn’t “put myself out there” at events and get that “fistful of business cards” that Susan referred to. The fact that I always managed to seek out several “kindred spirits” at each event and form relationships with them that usually resulted in generous grants to our organization meant nothing to her; I should have gotten “more contacts”–as if “more” and “louder” were always somehow “better!” Long story short: several months ago I finally came to my senses and quit that job, while at the same time filing harassment charges against her (bet she was surprised how “extroverted” I could be when it came to taking care of myself!). The case is still pending; far more important than that, though, is that I am now working on ways to be in charge of my life while NOT trying to make myself out to be something different than what I am (read: no need for me to lose what I see as my good “introverted” qualities of using observation to write slammin’ grant proposals!). I have learned how to enjoy going to events while staying within my comfort zone, and don’t feel bad about leaving when I “hit the wall” (what a great strategy!). And I am TOTALLY looking forward to B-School this spring!!!! My plan is to hone my business strategies in service to starting up my own online grantwriting/fundraising business, so that I can raise money for nonprofit organizations serving women and girls. Thanks a million to both Marie and Susan for empowering women to follow their dreams!

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Amy

Reading Quiet gentle shooke me.
I stepped away from the noisy multi-disciplinary clinic I worked in to create my own Chinese Medicine practice. Now I can easily carve out time to be alone though my day.
I play classical tunes or soft jazz, have my 2,000 year old Chinese Medicical texts spread open on the table and sip organic green and ginger tea all day long.
It’s an introverts bliss and I feel so energised just by walking in the room.
There are pics on instagram – @amy_fabuloushealth if you’d like to see a Quiet life (and business) in action. I painted the walls, sanded and stained the tables and cupboards, made the shelves… all such introvert bliss activities!
Have a marvellous day everyone and thank god for Susan Cain.
X

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kathleen rose

I love this episode! I am a huge introvert. Growing up I’d try my hardest to fit in and keep up with extroverts. As an adult I have worked as a preschool teacher and as you can imagine that was incredibly draining for me – constant overwhelm. So yes, I found out the hard way about making sure you find a career that actually fits your temperament as Susan says. Now I know that I need a lot of down time. I’m excited to be learning graphic design and think that career will suit my temperament better.

I have definitely been that person who is the first to leave. It’s like a timer goes off and I need to go. My friends who know me understand this.

Marie, I have to say that I was relieved to hear that you are a bit of an introvert yourself! Yet you still reach so many people through your work, it is inspiring.

My goal is to be self-employed or working in a small design firm. I love the idea of teaming up with extraverts to succeed. I’m going to remember that I don’t have to do it all alone. I love the quota idea too. I am definitely too hard on myself.

Susan, your revolution is so awesome and so needed! Thank you so much for the work that you do! I cannot believe I haven’t read your book yet but I’m on it!

Kathleen

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Mickey

Marie,
I enjoyed this very much. I’m am an introvert and it stops me in my tracks. I almost feel frozen. I liked all the suggestions, especially about setting goals to put yourself out there. I’m going to go get the book!

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Llyane @FrenchOnSkype

Thank you for this interview, Marie!

I have no idea if I’m more introvert or extrovert, but my energy goes from one extreme to another.

I am a social butterfly, yet, once I’ve done my ‘quota’ of feeding off of the peoples’ energy, I have a strong need to quiet down and take everything in. That’s when I become this observer and I love, love, love those moments.

I may be much more an introvert than an extrovert, because acting feeds me really well – where I do get to hide behind a persona and that works really well for ‘working the room’.

Thanks again,
Llyane

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Denise

BEST Marie TV episode EVER!!!! I will most certainly read this book because I absolutely loved this interview. I resonated with all of it. I will watch this again but now with note taking accessories. Absolutely so happy that there is someone out there studying introverts.

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Susan Miranda

Oh, this is so very wonderful. I am an off the chart introvert and the biggest thing I heard is it is o.k. to give myself permission to limit what I think I need to do i.e. leave early etc. Thank you very much!!

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Brenda

Exactly what I needed today-thank you so much, Marie and team Marie!

Taking some time to restore after too much stimulus, whether it’s from working on my online business or socializing, is the one I resonated with the most.

I’m glad to hear that other people out there feel the same way. I especially love how Susan points out that it’s a matter of valuing yourself and your needs.

Thanks again for another great episode.

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Sarah

This episode struck an unexpected chord with me, as I used to always want to think of myself as an extrovert and did think of myself as an extrovert. I previously worked in international sales and loved it, I loved talking to people, being around people, but if I look back, I think of all the times I felt uncomfortable at all the parties, couldn’t wait to go home, etc, many of the examples that you mentioned in the episode are exactly how I’ve felt. As much as I still love being around people, I am definitely a person who needs my own time, to recharge, get away. It’s only been in the last year or so, that I’ve realized that I might just be an introvert who likes to be social. I loved this episode and I’m on Amazon about to purchase Susan’s book so I can learn more about myself!
Thank you so much!

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jules aron

BEST episode ever! Thanks Marie! I had no idea you had some introvert in you! I too was a bartender for many years and always felt over extended in my personal social life. It took me a looong time to come to terms and truly HONOR my needs as an introvert. I used to say yes to invites and then feel guilty if I had to cancel. Then I learned to give myself permission to wait and feel out how I really felt about going. I love the no pressure attitude and I loved the example of the friend that always shows up and leaves early! Never quite mastered that one myself! Keep up the awesome work Marie! And thank you Susan Cain for the tremendous difference you are making! You are truly gently shaking the world!

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lisa cito

Hi Marie!!

This was great! Especially the “kindred spirit” comment. I am an introvert and this shows me that there is hope!! I also appreciated your insight on how you don’t necessarily have to have a partner but the kindered spirits around you will be of assistance. great!!

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Sher (career coach)

This was a great episode especially that whether we are extroverts or introverts: that one disgruntled listener at a public speech can really undo us. I conduct MBTI training at local colleges to guide college students as they think about the career paths that suit their preferences. And it’s true that Passion triumphs. Sometimes I get asked questions on how to overcome one’s innate preference to pursue a career (e.g. introverts who want to do sales etc). Really enjoyed Susan’s tips – will definitely share this video with them. “Choose your career wisely” — couldn’t agree more!

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Theresa Ceniccola

Thank you for this, Marie and Susan! Love the Kindred Spirits approach to networking! Such a beautiful way to think of it.

And the graceful exit strategy is excellent as well! I think I’d go out more if I felt I had ‘permission’ to leave early. Great discussion! Thank you both.

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Fiona

I LOVED this episode, and I can’t wait to go and buy your book Susan Cain.

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Sonya

Thank you so much, wow… the more I think about it the more I realise that I am a closet introvert! I come across as outgoing but in reality I get really uncomfortable in some situations! I love the idea of showing up but giving yourself permission to leave when you have ‘hit the wall’ and also the kindred spirit concept… xo

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Tanner Kennedy- Law of Attraction Love Coach

Thanks for this great video!

It’s inspiring to know there are other fantastic women out there who have embraced their introversion and are able to succeed in business.

I struggle with knowing I will have to speak publicly to grow my business. However, I also know the passion I have for my work will not let my introversion get in the way of fulfilling my mission.

I look at it as a reminder that I am on the right track professionally!

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Kyah

Thank you for sharing so freely and openly, Marie. I really appreciate this interview. Thank you! Also, thank you to everyone in the comments. You help me realize that I am certainly not alone, and that feels just so wonderful. :)

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Eugenia

Totally grateful for this episode Marie. I confess that I didn’t realize until now what was my “thing” about needing to get out earlier, I just can work in quiet to concentrate better… I love live my faith and spirituality! Wow. I was mixing up with anxiety or something. I just figure it out: seriously! I’m an introvert person. I Never gave the chance to myself. Yep! Time to enjoy my quiet time needs, my books, my “don’t think about nothing but flowers” time!
Thank you Thank you Thank you! Love the comments as well.

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sarah

this is so wonderful!! i am introvert and all of these are so relevant!
thanks for the advices! i am now going to go buy the quiet book.

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Lakshmi

As an introvert, the thing that resonated most with me was “when its time to fly, don’t deny!” I love socializing and chatting with my friends, but I can only take so much. I feel a lot of pressure when they want to go out longer or go for one last drink at a pub. We usually end up in a noisy, crowded space, where I can’t make that one to one connection that I crave. But when I say no, I usually feel so guilty!
Thanks for letting me know that I’m not the only one who feels this way and it’s okay if I leave early. I’m not a party pooper! (I’m an INFJ btw…)

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twilson

Thank you so much for this episode. I’ve been trying to convince people for years that I’m an introvert. My friends and family laugh at me when I say this. They always say that I’m one of the most outgoing people they know. I prefer small groups, I leave early from parties, I hate public speaking (even though I have a job where I have to do it all the time), the whole bit. I actually started giving myself a quota for attending networking and social events. It’s been working well for me.

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Wyn

This truly was wonderful. I’m a definite introvert & shy, as well…. an INFP on Myer’s Briggs. I’ve had Susan’s book for several months & am slowly (due to other distractions LOL) making my way through it. I Love, Love, love the quota idea. I was actually sitting here struggling with several invitations to events & ending up not deciding as it felt so draining. It will be easier to work within my personal limits. I’m also an entrepreneur & see so many others out there in such a big way it left me feeling dysfunctional & questioning what was wrong with me & how I’d be able to succeed. In large gatherings I often find myself connecting & chatting with a kindred spirit, but then end up feeling guilty for not having worked the room. I’m also going to give myself permission to honour my ‘wall’ & know when it’s time to gracefully exit.
With heart felt gratitude to Marie, Susan & all the other introverts for sharing!

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Richard

That is a fantastic episode. Thank you so much. Loved the learning on the home front with the balancing act I need to deal with my introverted wife :-) and focusing on the positive in the crowd while on stage. The quota concept is also awesome. Thanks

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Jessii Powers

Oh this was WONDERFUL! I was one of those forced extroverts for my entire adult life, well, starting w/ the first time I got wasted on Boones and Bud Light in high school, but after living in India the last 3 years I’ve come back to my introverted ways. To compound the introversion, I’m also an Empath so being in social situations gets even a bit more dicey and trying. I LOVED this show so much and I’m happy to know that I’ve already, instinctively, started implementing some of these tips since coming back to the US. It’s nice to know I’m on the right track though and I take comfort in knowing you’re an introvert as well, Marie. My favorite of the tips is knowing when to exit and being OK with the fact I need to exit an event. It took quite a while to get to that point but once I got over worrying about what others thought of my seemingly early departure, it got easier and would happen naturally. I also don’t carpool to events anymore, which is not so great for the environment but does wonders for my sanity. I’ve even left a party early and walked home because I just needed time, space, fresh air and movement. Thanks again! Much Love, j.

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carosta

So I’m not an abnormal freak! So many aha moments in this i’ve lost count. Thank you so much. I love the quota concept – suddenly the pressure is off.

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Sarah

Thank so much for this episode, Marie! I loved it! It’s a huge relief to hear so many other business owners struggle with how to succeed being themselves as introverts. The piece of advice I will take to heart most is taking the pressure off when wanting to leave a party/social gathering early- I often push myself to just stick around. I like what she said about not feeling guilty- that’s huge. Also, wanted to say that you offering your own struggles is a big help to a lot of people. I think this is one episode where you’ve been so raw and real. I’ll watch it again- lots of great content.

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Tanja

I’m one of those folks who’s SERIOUSLY introverted but not in the slightest shy: I can happily stand up on a stage and talk to a room of a few hundred people, but ask me to make small talk with them afterwards and – depending on how topped up my energy levels are at the time – there’s a good chance I’ll freak out.

To be honest, learning how to network online has been one of THE best things that’s ever happened to me and my business :-) I know some introverts find social media overwhelming, but I’m the opposite: I find it far less draining than in-person interaction.

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elizabeth Peterson

I always leave a function early, and would always have my own way home. That is, not Dependant on anyone else who wanted to remain longer….

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Maria

Damn! That was awesome! i specially liked the idea of finding ONE person rather than mingling!
I’ve been eyeing Quiet in bookshelves and I guess it’ll find it’s way unto mine pretty soon.
Thanks so much!

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Cat

Marie, this made me cry! I have realised in LATER years that I am an introvert! I am working with the GUILT thing. In two years I had two children. 10 years before having children I travelled the world and lived in different countries, hung out with ALOT of people. Having children actually helped me to STOP and focus on THEM AND myself, my children gave me permission and also an excuse to say no to things/events/people that I realised drained me. I do (on a small scale) stay in touch with friends that doesn´t drain me, but gives me moments of feeling “free” (I like to leave after a good 2-3 hours), but the fact of the matter is THAT I LOVE BEING HOME and FOCUS ALL my energy into my family. I have been feeling guilty for my friends that maybe think I have changed. They have never said so, so I guess I just need to leave those negatives behind . This is a big thing for me, because I really have dreams to change the world too (as an introvert). I am doing Ramit Sethi´s program Earn1K (all the way from Norway), and I have a business soon up and running, so these days are sooo exciting. I need to read Susan´s book!

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Shannon

Hell yeah Marie! Thanks for introducing me to Susan, I’ll be buying her book in the next few minutes.

Absolutely incredibly powerful episode, I can just see you and Susan probably continued chatting for hours after this. I’m an introvert but feeling very extroverted right now.

Loved the tip about concentrating on the happy people in the audience, will definitely be using that going forward.

xxx

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Brittany Mazzurco

This video could not have come at a better time (for me, personally)! I recently moved from NYC to Miami, FL with my boyfriend so he can seize a fantastic work opportunity. Having just graduated university, I spent my first few weeks here looking for a job, finding an apartment, buying a car, and just generally getting myself set up. I’m SO happy to say that we’ve just recently accomplished all of those goals!

However, we’ve been living here for almost two months now and I realized that my boyfriend and I have not made a single friend outside of our work colleagues. I am very aware that we are both introverted and each working 12-hour days, so the idea of going out and pushing ourselves to make friends seems taxing. While we both strongly wish to create our own social-circle down here, putting ourselves “out there” 2-3 times a week has been a struggle. Honestly, I felt anti-social because I was feeling this way.

However, this video in general has made me breathe a sigh of relief. The idea of setting a quota for yourself is completely reasonable and practical. We love to explore our new city, so why not dedicate every Saturday night to socializing? Also, the idea of finding a “kindred spirit” REALLY resonated with me, for it confirmed my personal feelings that I don’t need to make a dozen friends before the new year to feel validated. One kindred spirit will be enough. Thank you, Marie and Susan. You really helped me to cope with my relocation!

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Kris Oster

Hi Marie and Susan, I looove this topic and was just recently introduced to the fact that I’m an introvert. I’m an entrepreneur, drummer and dancer so I’m “out there” a lot. I always wondered why I had no bloody energy after facilitating in-person workshops and retreats … and why I need lots of solitude and journaling time to keep my energy well filled up.

I can’t wait to buy your book Susan!

I also wanted to mention that just 5 days ago or so I signed up for a workshop called Introvert’s Holiday Survival Plan! There is still today to sign up if anyone here needs this kind of support. It’s run by Tanja Gardner of Crystal Clarity Copywriting.

Here’s a link:
http://crystalclaritycopywriting.com/introvert-holiday-survival-signup.html

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Angie Follensbee-Hall

Thank you Marie, and Susan, for sharing this information. As an introvert, I am acutely aware of my needs to recharge in order to take on the demands of the greater world I am involved in. I resonated most with the idea of making a quota for networking/ or going out that works for you. I often push just past that, and I feel it in a big way! A total creativity drain. So I am trying to instill a better resolve to not over involve myself when I know it will make me feel exhausted. The idea of making one solid connection with a kindred spirit is key too, and ties in. If you only need a few solid connections, you don’t need to over push and extend yourself with too many obligations. Simplify. Thank You! ~Angie

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Mary Catherine George

HURRAH – as an introvert with high level extrovert skills, I have always dreaded and avoided networking. I find it challenging and the context of so many people talking at once and the noise – I just have never ever wanted to attend. Yet, I know the value and have forced myself and it must have been an energy that I came with because no matter what I would leave completely exhausted and without any connections. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! the kindred spirit!! this is something I can relate to when networking. I can relax and seek out a kindred spirit. Wonderful – and extremely valuable, Now I can’t wait to try out this approach at the next networking opportunity. Thank you so much!!

Hugs,
MC

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Kathleen Fields

Marie! Thank you SO much for introducing Susan Cain. What I took away from this episode of MarieTV was huge. Bigger than a breath of fresh air. A relief . . . just from this episode, I’ve just given myself permission to be OK with my discomfort (actually, FEAR) of talking to people. OMG!!! As a BSchool alumna, the module on list building brought up so much for me, I just wanted to go and hide. (I hate to FORCE myself to grin and bear it) But my parenting education business can only thrive IF I “put it out there”. I truly have such amazing passion for what my business is all about. I just never understand why I’m so afraid to get in front of people. Thank you. As always, you rock, Marie. I’ve already got “Quiet” ordered.

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Scarlet Faith

I am an introvert with a small social side.
Finding kindred spirits is what resonates with me:)
Your video is shared by the way. Every week by the way!!!!
Your videos are chiznits!!!!!

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Judith Thomas

Thanks for this. I too am trying to build a business and the hardest part is the networking. I like the idea of a “quiet revolution” and the idea of a quota is great.

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Tatiana Escalada

LOVED LOVED this particular video. I resonate soooo much with this conversation, with all of it. I’m going to implement all the tactics!!!

So interesting a lot of people have laughed at me when I say I’m an introvert and that’s because through my life I’ve pushed myself so hard against this introversion and shyness!

Can’t wait ’till Susan comes up with her program for public speaking for introverts!!! So terrified of public speaking.

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Erika I Modern Goddess Coaching

I remember my first public speaking event. I was asked to speak to a group of only about 40 people, but still I have never done any public speaking.

It was also a very specific type of presentation. I could not really prepare for it. I was on a panel with 2 other women ( that have done the event before) and the plan was to answer questions regarding relationship coaching from the audience.

Great, I thought! I’ll watch the other women go first and try to fit in. Of course, I was the first one to go. No pressure, right!

Before the event, I also decided to fully focus on the people in the audience and the fact that I had some advice for them that would be helpful. As long I could focus and SERVING instead of whether I was a good speaker or not (and promoting my Coaching business) I knew I would be fine.

That is my trick. It’s never about me when I am on the state. It’s always about the people I am speaking to. How can I help them to feel better, to get over their humps is place I can get lost in and all the fears disappear.

Going through the event like that, it felt so easy. I fell in love with public speaking that night. I expected to be nervous and not sure of myself but it didn’t happen.

When I was done that first event, the organizer said I was one of the best people they ever had on the panel. I was so shocked. He was too, when I said it was my first time doing that.

I think when we focus on ourselves in these situations and start analyzing when we are doing well or not, we open the door to an energy that is felt so strongly by the audience. Audience then reacts to this energy and we feel their energy and it’s down hill from there.

That’s why my rule as soon as I am on the stage is; It’s not about me now. It’s about serving. How can I do that the best?

After that it usually feels like I am channeling. Something bigger and more gracious takes over my body and just rocks.

This technique never failed me.

I hope this helps someone that needs to get on the stage and share their gifts with the world.

Happy thoughts everyone,

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Hayley Carr

Uh – I Loved this episode. For my entire life, I thought I was an extrovert – and I felt BAD about the fact that I like going home early, re-charging and having “me-time”.

It was only this year when I did a Myers Briggs test and realised I am extroverted by 1% over introverted, that I started to explore my introverted side – and it feels so good =)

My favourite insight was, “When its time to fly, don’t deny”.
I love the idea of just giving yourself permission to recharge when you need to, and knowing your social-hour quota.

Gosh, this one used to pain me so much, and now I understand that its n.o.r.m.a.l. and in fact acceptable to excuse yourself once you feel done. It doesn’t make you a pooper, it makes you a trooper! =)

Thanks Marie and Susan, Love ya so much. x x

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Lori

Love, love, love this conversation. I saw your guest’s TED talk and we have been talking about it at my ‘day’ job, where I am a marketing analyst. They recently removed all of our cube walls. Not so great for our entire team of introverts.

The tips you have gave resonate even more when thinking about trying to grow my health coaching business. The whole reframing of networking events might actually get me to do more of them!

One tip I wanted to share from my personal life…my husband and I each have a designated day each week where we get the evening to do whatever we want. The other person handles all of the household things and children’s activities. It really keeps us grounded and refuels us so we can come back as better partners and parents.

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neeru

Wow by far the best video you have done! ( though i dig all your vidoes) . I just recently realised that being overtly shy has its positives one is im empathetic kind compassionate and a great observer. The best advice i found was the go to an event and leave early because im definitely the person who after 2 hours feels, well thats me done im ready to go back to my Pjs and solitude :) However the desire to meet kindred spirits keeps me going back out there to meet them!

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Jackie

Marie and Susan,
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
This video helped me see that I am not alone in being an introvert who has to “put herself out there” for my chosen field.

The most resonating tip for me was #5: come up with graceful exit strategies for those social situations. Because I worry about the event, talking to people there, AND how I will extricate myself from the event, this becomes ultimately why I DON’T go to events. I need to come up with some stock verbiage for those exits, then I can go to those events and leave when I hit the wall, whenever that is.

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Chau

Thank you so much, Marie and Susan – this episode was such a treat! I love the emphasis and reminder that what matters most is to be yourself, in order to live a life that is your own, and being empowered by that. I particularly love the quota strategy that can be applied to all facets of my life – it’s about setting boundaries and honoring myself, which will create more authentic connections in return. It’s also great for not having to feel guilty about whether I’m doing enough and needing to push myself. As Joseph Campbell has said, the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are, and this episode was a great teaching tool for it.

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jASON

Hello Marie–Just wanted to say I am an introvert and opposites attract. So….. I live in the Twin Cities..

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Becky Richardson

I am an introvert, with “extravert” tendencies ;) Perhaps like you, Marie. I LOOOOOOVVEE being alone and/or home. When at events with large amounts of people, I often begin to “pull away” and seek solace outside (near nature) or in an empty room. BUT, I LOVE people.

I love what Susan said about creating quotas. Every time I’m asked to attend something, I go around and around in my mind about what it will be like, what it will FEEL like to go… I spend FAR too much energy around the decision to go or not go. Deciding ahead of time how many “events” I will attend feels like freedom! Great idea!

Thank you! Gonna go order “Quiet” now :)

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carla

This was such a great episode, Marie and Susan. I am married to a “true” introvert and in comparison to him have felt I have to “pretend” to be truly extroverted, when I am more of a mix. I could really relate to Marie’s description of her experience. That is 100% how I feel after traveling, going to speaking events, etc.

It a relief to hear tips on how to navigate business functions, “networking,” etc. without feeling like I have to deny that part of me that needs to feel replenished and restored after a lot of socializing. Thank you!

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Julie

Marie,
I love your videos! I really like the idea of starting small with public speaking and then expand to bigger audiences. I had an AHA moment when you said you started with 3 people in the room – it made me realize everyone has to start someplace. Thanks!

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Paula Jones

WOW! This is my favorite video. I’ve been wanting to read her book for a while now, and now I feel motivated to finally jump in. This affirms all that I’ve been thinking lately in regard to my own introversion. I’ve recently openly declared to my boyfriend, “I’m an introvert. And I love staying home!” Since I stand stronger in who I am, he responds very lovingly to my desires to be home and not go out just to be out. I like to go out for a reason. On occasion that reason is just to be out – rarely. But, since he’s an extrovert, we’ve often had disagreements about going out with friends. We now lovingly respect who we each are and allow times for staying home and going out. One of my favorite take aways from today video is about recognizing and admitting the wall. I will now think about this when I’m out and about and won’t be shy to share this with whomever I’m out with. It’s necessary for me to stay happy and healthy, even if that means leaving early and hanging out at home with Susan Cain’s book!

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Amy

Reading this book now– very interesting. Great to hear her discussing the book/topic.

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meagan

I have loved all the mairetv episodes but this was the only one where i was left dumbstruck. Although i have always known that i am a classic introvert i never realized how much energy i had used to become something i am not, an extrovert. I am sitting here thinking about this and this behavior now seems crazy to me. Although i am glad i got over being painfully shy i think i will vow from now on to stop beating myself up for not being outgoing. I also used to be so confused about why i seemed so drained after dealing with the public all day long and now it makes perfect sense. Thank you so much for giving introverts a louder voice :)

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Mary

Very interesting. I’m sure most of my associates consider me an extrovert. However, I am far from it. The suggestion that we find a kindred spirit in lieu of a fist full of business cards is great advice. I experienced just that. In fact, I ended up with a great business prospect. But, for some reason I left the meeting feeling unaccomplished because the lack of a collection of business cards. After hearing Susan’s comments, I feel redeemed. It’s such a relief! Thanks Susan and Marie.

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Callie

This is one of my all-time favorite episodes! I have so long felt pressured to “talk more” and “be more sociable” and “stop being so quiet.” I have always felt inwardly that my quiet nature is a strength, but society does not always see it that way! The part that resonated the most with me in the interview was finding kindred spirits. This makes so much sense because one strong connection is worth much more than twenty business cards and introductions!

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Marylou

I am an introvert. I think the suggestion that hit close to home was the networking idea. Currently, I am looking for work and networking comes into play with this. I went to a conference and was freaking out about networking. I finally told myself, just to go and try and meet a few people. It worked phenomenally and I blew myself away with what I could accomplish.

I love the idea of the quiet revolution, because I’ve been quiet my whole life and wanted to be a teacher. I forced myself to be extrovert by working retail; I was blessed with people that helped me on the way. As a teacher, I always tried to give my students pointers on how to deal with the current education trend toward group work. I know that there is a lot of need for this.

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Steph

Great episode of MarieTV. I am definitely an introvert and can definitely relate to this episode. One of things that I connected with mostly in this episode was that guilty feeling of wanting to leave a party or an event. I feel so guilty and selfish that I force myself to stay and end up having a bad time or just being so exhausted and drained. So it’s nice to realize that it is OK to show up connect with peeps and go when I want to. The other part of this episode was knowing that my husband is an extrovert! Which is hilarious because that’s what I love about him.
So THANK YOU for sharing this episode. I’ve learned a lot and am willing to embrace my introvertedness (word?).
Thanks Marie, you rock!

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Betsey

Thank you Marie and Susan, A wonderful discussion. I had been pushing myself for most of my life to “get over” my introverted nature, I have finally learned to use some of the tools you mentioned. The most recent is asking for help!! I am buying a car and found a powerhouse friend who is my negotiator. Pressure is off!

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Kerry

Marie, I’ve always loved your episodes and I’ve seen every one, though I’ve never been compelled to comment until now. This one with Susan really resonated with me. I finally don’t feel like a social freak for wanting to leave a party early or maxing out in a crowd quickly. Thank you, thank you. I guess I am an introvert and that is A-ok. :)

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Kathryn

The thought of having a “no Decisions” day really appeals to me! I’m gonna do it!

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Meg Novinskie

Marie – this week’s post is epic. Thank you (and Susan)!

What I liked best? The networking “quota” (implementing TODAY) and the idea that it’s completely fine to walk away from a social event after a certain amount of time. I like to call it “I’m turning into a pumpkin”… I HAVE to leave when I’m ready, and get uncomfortable when those around me are ready to go. So, I love the idea of walking away for a bit (and returning if/when you’re ready).

Wait, I also love to *high five*… so that’s on my list of favorites from this week too.

Thanks again! I’m a long time fan of yours.

— Meg

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Meg Novinskie

… ^ aren’t ready to go. I may be an introvert, but I’m not a perfectionist :/

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Astra

This is such great information – but there are other pairs of opposites in our culture too where one side is valued and the other seen as a problematic, such as ‘doing’ as opposed to ‘being’, active as opposed to inactive, giving as opposed to selfish, perfectionistic as opposed to being able to let something be good enough, responsible vs irresponsible (allows for spontaneity), adult-like as opposed to childlike (allows for fun, silliness and play), strength as opposed to vulnerability (allows for feeling and deep connection).
In the personal growth work I write on – Voice Dialogue – not only are we one part of a set of opposites, but we have many inner parts that we identify with, and they all have their opposites. So if you are primarily an introvert (I certainly am), you can learn to deeply validate that but then also be able to unhook from that ‘primary self’ of yours when you need to so that you can also use opposite characteristics. So if you have to give a talk, for example, you can comfort your introverted self, set it aside (in an imaginary quiet space for instance) and draw on your inner extrovert to be more present as you give your speech. With Voice Dialogue you can decide in any situation how much of your introverted side you allow in and how much of your extroverted side – each person will have a different ‘mix’ of what feels comfortable for them. Basically, the stronger the introverted side of you, the less of the extroverted side will feel right for you – unless you’re at a party and have had a few too many drinks which enables your disowned opposite parts to come out in full swing! Some introverts actually deliberately drink in order to ‘loosen up’ and to feel more able to socialise – what they’re really doing is reducing the hold of their introvert on their psyche in order to allow other inner selves out. It can work for a while but usually leads to dependency and sometimes behaving in ways that you regret the next day (or your primary introvert self regrets) – far better to consciously acknowledge your primary self, honour its needs, and then gently access opposite energies.

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Nikki D. (Introvert and Personal Stylist)

Update: I posted earlier about being semi undecided about an event I was scheduled to attend tonight.

Welp, I went, met several kindred spirits and left on my own terms feeling energized (instead of drained)! I’m actually excited about working with the group of ladies I met and their cause.

Thanks for this interview Marie. It was just the boost I needed.

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Manny

Very nice and enlightening interview. I consider myself an introvert and I used to be shy as well. But my passion for photography got me out of my shyness but my introvertness is here to stay. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be doing wedding and portrait photography as a profession. I have to mould people into my vision and that requires me being bold, confident and controlling. Introducing myself to complete strangers which I may never see again. All the while I thought there was something wrong with me and I would force myself to embrace being social. But after looking into what being an introvert meant, I realized that I was normal. I do socialize and I have allot of friends. But I really enjoy my time alone. Thank again Marie for introducing us to this fine guest.

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Faye McDermott

Hi Marie,
This episode was like being a fly on the wall with two like minded friends, I loved it. It was so refreshing listening to a discussion about embracing uniqueness instead of fighting it. I liked absolutely all of the points and tools discussed, my favorite was ‘seeking out kindred spirits’ when networking to make the process more natural and enjoyable, thankyou Marie and Susan.

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Brittany Washington

Greetings Marie,

Thank you and Susan Cain so much for this episode. I struggle daily with being so introverted in my personal life. However, I have just about conquered it in my career world. I am in B2B sales where I have to travel as well as meet new business owners all the time. I just purchased Susan’s book and I am hoping that I will find that balance in my person life. Thanks again!!

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Debbie Thornton

Wow! This episode resinated with me more than almost any other…and trust me, most of your videos are spot on! Thank you, Marie!!
I’ve always been considered the “life of the party” in my social groups. And while I can definitely turn that part of myself ON for a party – I’m a dork & I LOVE my friends! – but, after a few hours, and in the immortal words of Greta Garbo..”I want to be alone!” So, I duck out as quick as possible and happily curl up with my little dog!
Because I get so overwhelmed, I tend to turn down more invites than I accept, but wind up feeling guilty. So, I really love Susan Cain’s advice of deciding on a social “quota” and sticking with that number, without the guilt. Ahhhh….manageable and a no brainer.
I also love this quote: “Don’t think of it as networking; think of it as seeking out kindred spirits”
You ladies ROCK!!!!
<3

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Kathryn Hall

Networking is such a tricky area for introverts and it’s so reassuring to hear that you can do it just the way it suits you. Fantastic interview and so great to hear that Susan has lots of exciting new projects coming out soon. Can’t wait to hear more!

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laramealor.com

Great advice,Thank You!

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Peggy

Great interview. I found myself thinking “Oh my god that’s me!” I have always avoided large gatherings, have found myself being one of the first to “hit the wall” and want to leave early, usually triggered by a sound and general stimulus overload. And I realized after listening to this show that somewhere in my mind I always felt a little apologetic, a little bad about myself, because of it. You helped me kick THAT right out the window – thank you!

And the permission to Network One Person at a Time regardless of the size of the gathering (which yes, works for social gatherings as well) was wonderful, and a favorite from this show.

Ok, off to the bookstore… :-)

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Cynthia van der Hoogte

Thank you so much! I have struggled for so long with the question: how to network without getting overwhelmed and becoming someone I’m not. What Susan says about networking ‘mindfully’ is really helpful. As is the advice to go looking for kindred spirits. Again, thanks! I am ordering your book immediately!

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Jennifer

What a great segment! Marie, I know you said to share the one tip that resonates most, but it’s gotta be a combo for me:) I think the quote system, combined with looking for one or two kindred spirits at each event, and giving myself permission to get OUT of there once I’ve accomplished that and/or hit my wall will totally revolutionize the way I handle networking.

Can’t wait for Susan’s “Public Speaking for Introverts,” cause, man, do I spend a lot of energy worrying about that!

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Alicia

This is one of the best videos I’ve watched on MarieTV so far. Loved it. Thanks for such a great conversation, giving introverts permission to be “different, how to utilize our strengths.

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Theresa Key

Every personality test I take screams “You’re an introvert!” LOL and I feel good about it because it’s where I find strength – inside. This is a great interview because it will help so many people love themselves for who they are. With proper training, any introvert can become a powerful speaker, author – what ever they want. Thank you Marie! You rock Gurl!:-)

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Theresa Key

Thank you Susan! I can’t wait to hear more about your program and your book.

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Natalie

Omg. Thank you so much for this episode. I am an introvert, and have always tried to change those tendencies instead of celebrating who I am. I can’t wait to read Susan’s book, Quiet.

I love the tip about leaving a social situation when you’re “done”. I can actually be quite social in small groups, but I always get that “Im done” feeling after a few hours. Love the tip to leave gracefully. That way you can leave on a high note too!

Ironically, I actually enjoy public speaking. I get a rush out of it, but then afterwards I feel drained and need that alone time that Susan was talking about.

Thank you for raising awareness to this issue. Be well!

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Samantha Pollack

Marie – thank you so much for this episode! I’ve been back and forth with this issue a lot. And I’m pretty comfortable in my introvert skin, but I am so glad to find out about Susan and her work – I have lots of friends and colleagues who will love this.

So….the public speaking. I can’t wait to learn about Susan’t strategies. Mine so far has been to really FEEL all that adrenaline and nervousness, and just let it course through me instead of fighting it. Oh and always wear black, or a jacket – to hide the pit sweat. ‘Cause seriously.

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Shawn Sargent

This video was so helpful. Thank you Maria.
I used to feel guilty, if I only talked to two or three people when networking.
Now, I know why I felt so drained afterwards.
I have always known that I am an introvert.
Thank you for the tremendous insite into making my natural inclinations work better for me.

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Liz Donaghy

Oh Marie,
You always have your finger on the pulse of the best stuff! I just learned about Susan’s book from a friend. I had a situation where I heard someone I used to work for was badmouthing me and I was trying to decide how to handle (my habitual and more extroverted side’s response would be to be defensive and “fight back”). My friend offered me another possibility by quoting this book and I decided to research “letting it go” and reclaiming my power in silence. It’s been amazing what doing so has opened up for me. No drama, no dwelling just freedom to move on and focus on where I can contribute and provide value. Can’t wait to read the book.

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Denise Hatch

I love this info from Susan, though I don’t like the title of “introvert”. What I connect with most is the shyness and quietness is actually a sensitivity, a tuning into something more and if I don’t get the time to do just that I get drained. It is also a part of programming some schools are bringing in for young children, to give them time to “check out” so they may be quiet and be receptive. How could our young generation bring through their brilliance if they don’t have time to tap into it? Thanks for the interview.

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Omega Jefferson

Thank you so much for this interview. I can’t tell you how I time this is for me. I have been fighting my introverted nature since I can remember, wishing and hoping one day I could be as confident and self assured as everybody else. I really have felt defective because I didn’t feel as comfortable in certain situations as others or because I enjoy my own company. I could go on and on. I know I am preaching to the child. So I just want to say thank you, thank you and thank you.

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Helen

This episodes resonates a lot, so thank you for this one.

As a singer I have often struggled with my shyness. I often said: ‘how can my music and voice (that’s so dynamic and often touches the places of stillness) be heard in a world that is shouting so loud? My answer to that was creating intimate concerts where the atmosphere fits my spirit and vv. It attracts an audience which really fits this energy – and also the music.

Because of the shyness I also know those nerves that show up before a concert or performance. I fought those nerves many times. The real breakthrough for me was to embrace those nerves, telling myself: those nerves makes me nervous, but they are still MY nerves. So I embraced that part of myself instead of fighting it – and that was the point where the nerves started to melt and become kind. Now I sometimes want them to show up, to make me sharp, because – funny enough – they sometimes just don’t show up anymore.

Thanks again for this episode. Love your Q&A’s and your mission.

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Gail

Marie, I really connected with this video.

The point which most resonated with me was the idea of “finding kindred spirits” rather than “networking.” What a brilliant way to turn something SO terrifying into something kinder and gentler…and much more respectful — I agree wholeheartedly with Susan about that point.

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Natalie Genest

Hi Marie (and Susan) – I know that my fear of public speaking is holding me back from taking my business to the next level. I have tried to determine how to get just get over it but even public speaking courses bring me to my knees with anxiety. I am so grateful for the quota suggestion and the idea of starting out small. I have previously accepted an invitation to speak next month and find power and confidence in hearing both of your journey’s with public speaking.

Looking very forward to the Quiet Revolution strategies to come.

(Marie- one of the best videos to date. Thank you!)

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Amber

Here’s to guilt-free connection. I loved the tip of just connecting with 1 person at a party or networking event, collecting kindred souls. Beautiful.

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Melanie

Marie, MF Team & Susan Cain, Thank you soooo much for this essential episode. This is my favorite MF show of all the episodes indeed.
Taking the “restorative niche from a place of feeling entitled” strikes a chord with me as I go about conscious reconstruction of how I apply myself in my “BJ” to support the growth of my business. The Quota system – to lift the self imposed pressure of inefficient decision making and guilt, is simple genius material. I just love you people.

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Virginia (The Heartographer)

Such a great interview! I’m a flextrovert, or ambivert. This means that my type often waffles between E and I on personality tests, and I can crank up the social when in a group setting, but I have a lot more need to recharge than most people realize. I’m so glad the conversation is getting going about introversion. However, I think it’d be nice if (much like sexual orientation, or for some people, gender) we could have things be less of a binary. I’m neither E nor I, I’m aspects of both, ya know? I’m sure I’m not alone. :)

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Monica

A little comic relief– “The introverted hamster ball” with helpful tips to being besties with an introvert :)

http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/

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Marisel Bracero

I loved hearing that I could be MORE successful being myself than changing into this rock star that can talk to 50 people a night. When I was 4 years old I would take breaks hiding from the other kids underneath my grandmothers kitchen table. An introvert at heart! I am buying her book immediately. Thank you so much.

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Bev

One of the best MarieTV episodes I’ve seen, and I’ve enjoyed many of them. I am SO glad someone is talking not just about the fact that introverts exist, but how introverts can function on a practical level on a day to day basis.

My favourite tip was on graceful exits. I struggled for a long time with being rude or feeling rude, forcing myself to stay on at things when I had long since hit the wall. I like that the discussion was framed in terms of being true to yourself and to self-expression. I really needed the reminder (especially as I’ve just started out in my career and attend events a fair amount so that I can begin to build my professional network).

I would love to hear commenters talk about more strategies for graceful exits other than just simply leaving when you’re tired (although that’s a big one).

Thanks Marie and Susan! Can’t wait to read Quiet.

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Anna P

Excellent stuff! I reckon the idea of shifting ‘networking’ into a quest for kindred spirits is very useful not only for introverts, but for everybody!

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Elizabeth Spevack - Heart and Soul Living

Thank you for a wonderful video! As an introvert, the point I definitely connect with most is looking for kindred spirits. Trying to set a quota of people to talk to, jumping into the conversations of others and measuring success by the number of business cards received is definitely not for me. I want to meet people and really connect with them – and that won’t be 100 people in one night in a traditional networking scenario. I especially love the idea of living that way in all areas of life.

This also connects so strongly with the type of work I do with women who are trying so hard to fit into their perceptions of the expectations of others that they find themselves suppressing their emotions or feeling worried, anxious and maybe even empty inside since they’re not paying enough attention to nurturing themselves and living from their strengths instead of focusing on what they feel are their weaknesses and where they’re falling short.

Thank you so much to both of you!
Elizabeth

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Lara Dalch

I listened to this episode last night, as I was getting ready to go to a “networking” event. The internal negotiation about whether or not to actually GO started several hours before, and I was struggling to get out of my yoga clothes and into a dress.

Then I thought, “Wait…wasn’t MarieTV all about networking this week? I’m not an introvert, but I’ll watch it anyway.”

Um, yeah, I think I might be an introvert…one who has self-identified as an extrovert for most of my life. MAJOR revelation for me! (I consistently score right in the middle of extrovert/introvert on the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, so I’m not sure why I was so surprised. ;)

THANK YOU, Marie and Susan, for helping me see that I’m probably more introverted than I realized, showing me that it’s totally okay, and giving me a few tools to honor that part of me.

In particular, I love the idea of seeking out kindred spirits at events. While I’m not sure I found a new one at last night’s event, I did have a great conversation with someone I only met a few weeks ago. I also think that setting quotas will be a huge help for me. I actually started doing that a few months ago, but felt sort of guilty for having to “cap” my social activities. Now I see that it’s the best way to manage my energy and really show up at the events I DO attend.

THANK YOU!!!!! xo

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Andy from Workshopshed

Great discussion, my only question is how do we get lots of extroverts to watch it and understand how the other half live?

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MJ

What did you do with your hair?
OMG, it’s beau-ti-ful!!!!

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Sallie Borrink

Marie,

I really appreciated this video. I’m a major introvert who needs lots of personal and recovery time. Like you, I prefer to find one person to talk with at social events. Loved the idea of looking for a kindred spirit. That is what I do, but I never thought to put it that way.

This was a great interview. To be honest, I haven’t enjoyed the MarieTVs as much this fall. I felt like they were weaker on content and heavier on gimmicks/edginess. This one was top notch and I’m glad I took the time to watch it! Thank you! :-)

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Kacie May

Susan, you rock! I’ve read Quiet once so far, about a year ago. One of my brothers gifted it to me. Thanks so much for representing us introverts and giving us tips to live more successful and fulfilled lives.

The strategy that resonated most with me: I love your idea of “looking for a kindred spirit”. (And I see in the comments many more of us it’s resonating with too!) I’ve come home with many cards before and found that the people who I really resonated with are the ones who stick and we have the best personal and or business relationships with each other. People like working and associating with people we like and trust, and “kindred spirit” to me means exactly this type of connection.

And Marie I’m with you, too. Some people tell me I’m extroverted and I can be but sometimes I feel totally introverted and want lots of down time.

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Chelsea

Seeking a kindred spirit–I know this resonated with a lot of viewers here. I feel like I reached full circle after hearing Susan talk about that technique, because it was the way I always grew up, having my Dad as my kindred spirit, and in school, my one or two friends that were my kindred spirits. Having grown up in Korea and spent a tour in Japan, I can tell you that being in the States, I feel an inordinate amount of pressure to be extroverted and network, network, network. It is not the only key to success, and the more you find yourself in the international realm, you will find more validation and reinforcement of who you are.

The Japanese have this belief that words truly carry spirits, so it isn’t wise to use them if you don’t mean them, or use them in excess. It’s apparent in Japanese culture that they truly live by this belief. I fall back on this thought whenever I feel misunderstood for my spare words.

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Robin Carter

I am not an introvert, but I DO have introvert qualities. Love the “kindred spirits” vs. networking terms. I believe in resonating with and building relationships with people, business and personally, and being transparent and real! Say “NO!” to plastic!

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Jennifer

LOVE this interview. I am very introverted. Hate networking. But I definitely can scout kindred spirits in any room… that I love.

I can see how reframing much of the marketing life of my business is really going to propel me. THANKS for this episode and thanks Susan

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Udo, the Girl

I know no one is going to read this all the way down here…

But I am an introvert who has adapted to be extroverted. The best piece of advice here was your tweetable — being on the hunt for a kindred spirit. This really help lay off the pressure. A mind set I am going to carry with me from now on. Thanks!

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Marie Forleo

We read everything Udo! And, you’re welcome :)

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Diana

Thank you for this wonderful episode. As an artist I am a natural introvert. The first time I had to give a 30 second introduction at a meeting, I nearly hyperventilated. Since then I’ve trained myself to speak in front of small group of friends and gradually was able to speak in front of larger gatherings. i think it is key to honor your nature and to use your inner peace to contemplate your next social engagements. We are all special and unique in our own ways.

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Pixie

I just had to take the Myers Briggs test at work and no surprise, I’m an introvert. I loved the tip of looking for one person, that “kindred spirit”. That takes off so much pressure of trying to be on for every person. I only wish my friends could understand how I feel though. We we hang out and I hit the wall and try to leave it’s almost as if I’m rejecting them and they’re offended. So I end up staying longer than I should, I get tired and cranky, I clam up and don’t interact and I’m starting to feel resentful.

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Tamisha

Hi Pixie,

I wonder if you could just educate your friends on what you need, if it would help. You don’t have to sit them all down in one big group – you can have a conversation with each of your friends at different times one on one.

1. Let them know who you are and how it feels to be you when you hit your proverbial “wall.”
2. Let them know it’s not personal
3. Come up with some sort of cool word or reference that lets everyone know you’ve hit your mark and are ready to go – it can almost become a lighthearted thing between all of you.

I would say if these people are really your friends, they will be open to the above conversation. Communication and education go hand-in-hand, and there’s nothing wrong with letting people know what you need.

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Damali

WOW!!! Most would describe me as a “social butterfly” and someone who can have a captivating conversation on a little bit of everything. Only the few that really have taken the time to see the whole me, recognize my introverted qualities. Like Susan mentioned, I recognized early on that the things I want out of life would be more difficult to attain if I remain in my shell. Though I’ve appeared to master the art of behaving like an extrovert, afterwards I typically have the biggest “extroverted hangover”, which takes me days of quiet, often solitude, to overcome.

Thank you to Marie and Susan for your incredibly insightful work!

Damali

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Marian

I love knowing that there is nothing wrong with me. That I CAN accomplish my heart’s desires! I can find ways to do those things that I aspire to in a way that is comfortable for me.

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Lynn

You were talking about me when you said you go to an event or party and then you hit the wall and need to leave. I always do that. I can only mingle for so long and then I feel like i’ve had enough so I leave or I head to the kitchen and hide away doing dishes or something. I thought that I was being rude and would get a bad reputation for being the “party pooper” like you said Marie, but now I know that I’m just being true to me and I don’t have to pretend to be enjoying myself anymore. I like the idea of finding a kindred spirit when going somewhere that you feel uncomfortable. I’m going to find her book and buy it!
Many thanks for bringing this wonderful lady to our attention.
Regards
Lynn

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MB

Wow! What a great interview. I have wrongly assumed I was an extrovert my entire life. I am loud, outgoing and will take (calculated) risks. But I thoroughly enjoy my alone time, and crave it or start to feel disconnected from myself when I don’t have enough of it. Thank-you so much for bringing this to me so I can stop feeling guilty & start harnessing my creativity better!

Side Note: if you haven’t discovered this already, check out Susan Cain’s Ted Talk (The Power if Introverts). It’s a game changer!

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Dsak13

The advice concerning networking at events like parties really resonated with me. I tend to clam up when I am at big parties; I feel overwhelmed. Consequently, I fail to utilize the networking opportunities available. Approaching it as a pursuit of kindred spirits is a great way to think about it and I think it will help me greatly. Thank you, Marie Forleo and Susan Cain.

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Irina

This episode could not have come at a better time for me. I’m building up my business at the moment and when it came time for ‘networking’ I was paralyzed at home for 2 weeks! (This week is the week I’m actually going to leave the house :P)

I actually think that introverts and extroverts is a bit of a toss-up, I have introverted moment and extroverted ones. Most people would see me as an extrovert (ok, all people) but I have been struggling to fill the shoes they’ve set for me because I feel guilty, I get stressed out, overwhelmed, etc and sometimes I just want to stay home! So I really think that it’s more of a spectrum and that it may largely be dependent on the situation as well. When it comes to starting a business though, I think that we’re ALL prone to fear and paralysis, so that’s not reserved for introverts.

What’s also helped me lately and was confirmed in this video was how to re-define networking. And I loved the word kindred spirit! Networking is really just… not appealing as a word, for most people. If you’re in love with it, then you’ll probably attract people who are also in love with it so it’s nice to step out of that bubble and look around the room for someone who may be feeling as shy as you.

So again, thank you for this episode!

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Trudy Scott Food Mood Expert and Nutritionist

Love the interview! I just picked up Susan’s book and am half way through and am finding this whole introvert discussion fascinating and very valuable. I love that it is allowing introverts to finally actually understand themselves and feel good about who they are and why they are this way.

I love the quote “in a gentle way you can shake the world” and also love the kindred spirit concept. The Quiet Revolution sounds fabulous! I’m excited to see the speaking and communication resources that come out of it!

I’m not so much a fan of “acting out of character”. Instead I think we need to get to the point when we feel relaxed and calm enough and can be just the way we are without faking it.

I am an introvert and I used to feel very anxious when socializing and used to fake it and act out of character. I found it to be too demanding and just way too exhausting. Once I discovered that I actually have this inherited and little-understood condition called pyroluria, I started to use daily zinc, vitamin B6 and evening primrose oil to keep my social anxiety symptoms in check! I used to only like interacting with one person at a time and now I’m totally comfortable in a crowd.
Before finding Susan’s book I had read the Huffpo 23 signs you’re an introvert article and was so intrigued this that I blogged about this possible introvert-pyroluria connection
http://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/anxious-introvert-because-of-low-zinc-and-vitamin-b6/ I list the 23 introversion traits and the 42 pyroluria questions and I’ve had a lot of people comment and say they are also seeing a connection.

Imagine if this is the solution for other introverts who have a tough time socializing? Imagine no more acting out of character or faking it!

Trudy Scott, Food Mood Expert, Nutritionist, author of “The Antianxiety Food Solution”

PS. Marie – I first saw you on stage at Ali Brown’s event and now look what you’re doing – very impressive! Love the very professional video interview too!

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Ursula

I love this. Susan Cain rocks! And I’m surprised that you’re an Introvert. How cool is that? My takeaway is the networking approach…find one kindred spirit. What a great way to approach networking.

I also loved the advice on limiting your time at events. When I was little, my parents used to have what I affectionately called “hundred people parties.” The parties would start at about 7 or 8 p.m. At about 9 p.m., my Dad would just say, “Goodnight” and go upstairs to sleep. I always thought that this was hilarious. And the party would go on until 11 or later! Now THAT is a confident Introvert. :)

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Mel @ Trailing After God

This was SO good. Thank you. I am an introvert, for the most part. I really liked her idea of finding one kindred spirit instead of focusing on getting a handful of business cards. I really love being with people but I also like to come home and hole up and talk to no one. Maybe I’m a confused introvert :)

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Ada Gonzalez

I am an introvert but I found that the best way to deal with situations outside my comfort zone is to pretend I’m an extrovert. It may seem strange but it works every time!

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Elizabeth

So on the money! Thanks Marie and Susan. I was referred to Susan’s work a while back by a great friend and it was such a relief to know I’m not a freak of some sort because I flake out on social events – a lot. :) Now I understand my aversion to so much interaction and when I have reached my limit. Being able to understand that you are simply built differently and do not have be the social butterfly is very affirming. My best friend is an extrovert and we would argue at times because I would reach my limit of conversation and never knew why. :) Now when I’m reaching that point of zoning out mentally or physically – I let him know and he’s very understanding. I get teased still and I’ll take a little ribbing over an argument.

Reframing networking as finding a kindred spirit most resonated for me because I’ve been in an industry that often requires interacting at events with people I’ve may have met virtually or attending social events where I know no one. This is gold! It seriously takes the pressure off because I would constantly seek out the one person I already knew and when that failed pretend to be networking long enough to be seen and then sneak out.
I also love the graceful exit. What can I say – I loved all of them.

Thanks Marie!

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Cecilia

Thanks Marie and Susan, it was so valuable to watch this video! I’m definitely an introvert though over the years I’ve had to ‘train’ myself to have more extrovert qualities. Forced networking is something I still struggle with though! Every point rang true for me. My techniques for honouring my introvert nature are:
1. Leaving when I’ve had enough (social events, parties etc), and it’s always better to leave on a good note rather than force myself to stay because I then end up hating it and being resentful!
2. Regularly taking time out on my own. Going for walks, exercising, taking lunch on my own or if I’m on a holiday with lots of people or staying over with friends, I’m usually the first to go to bed – so that I have time alone to reconnect with myself.
3. The kindred spirit point definitely rang true. I feel more comfortable in smaller groups and in ‘networking’ situations I usually just speak to one or two people. I have noticed that over the years and various jobs that I’ve worked that / cities that I’ve lived in, there will be just one ‘kindred spirit’ that I leave with. I’ve collected quite a few kindred spirits over the years and they are more valuable to me than 1000’s of acquaintances. I value a true and honest connection over trying to be popular with everyone.

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Kacie May

Cecilia I’m with you on everything you said, especially #2. Thanks for sharing this. I feel re-energized & a better spirit, more imaginative, & more useful when I’ve reconnected with myself. I wonder if being this way comes with being a creative person.

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Julie Varughese

As an introvert, having one-on-one conversations with a few people I’ve recently connected with makes a difference.

I look to get to know people a bit deeper than how it would typically work at a networking event.

I also take to chatting with people on forums or on Facebook.

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Kaitlynn

I LOVED this video! It was so perfect, I could cry. I especially loved the idea of the quota system, and that it’s actually okay to not accept every invitation, to leave an event early, and to only talk to one or two people at a networking event. I always felt so guilty about these things, but it’s such a relief to know that introverts don’t have to force themselves to be extroverts, we can work with our natural strengths to “shake the world, gently.” It really resonated with me when Susan said we don’t have to own these ideas that are imposed upon us by our culture, we can reframe them, and when Marie said we can honour our own temperament. So relieving. And to learn that shyness and quietness are connected to powers of observation and sensitivity – it seems obvious, but that was enlightening for me because I was always embarrassed about my quiet nature. I can’t wait to get a copy of Susan’s book, and to hear more about this Quiet Revolution! I definitely want to get me some of that.

Thanks again for the awesome video and positive affirmations!

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Kerrie friend

Inspirational!!!!

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jenaya

What an AHA! moment for me as an extrovert married to a shy introvert.
I can’t believe how I have never realized the potential of channelling all the characteristics of each of these personality types could truly revolutionize our business and life in general!
So much to learn and consider.. again, Thanks so much!

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Sue

What a refreshing way to think of networking (a term and proces I have never liked either, felt very false to me). I will now refame it as finding 1 kindred spirit :) 2 of your points, I could not pick only one. Thanks for your insight.

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Kim

The best tip for me was to change my way of thinking about networking! That is what keeps me from pursuing my own business…I’m HATE sales and networking. But if I can take the pressure off, look for kindred spirits, and find a partner who loves sales and networking, then I’ll be good to go!!

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emme

So happy to have viewed this episode of MarieTV. I am such an extreme introvert I can barely force myself to participate in social media! When I have attended social events I always left feeling guilty for connecting with only 1 or 2 people. I was taught the “fist full of cards” networking strategy and I always felt like a failure if I didn’t make several connections but I also felt like a fake if I did. So I like the quota idea and will put it into practice the next time I attend an event. It was a huge step for me to even post this comment so yay me!

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AwesomelyOZ

This was amazing to watch, I love her TedTalk video — it was very empowering and refreshing as an extrovert. My best friend during elementary school throughout high school was an extreme extrovert and I always felt like I needed to be more like her versus appreciate my quiet nature. I was always quiet and always told to fight it and Culturally observed that being more “social” meant you were more attractive and fun. As someone in her late 20’s in a job that promotes and encourages my introverted nature – I think the first point was truly one that made me smile: choosing your business or career wisely. I have tried entertainment planning and it was really hard on me, mentally and physically due to all the social energy it drained out of me. I am not in IT which is perfect for an introvert as I can stay quietly behind my desk and I have noticed an extreme increase in creativity over the last few years as well as, a higher learning curvature. It’s amazing what your brain can do when you just listen to it and give it some peace and quiet! My job compliments my love for blogging because I am able to dedicate time for both without being drained mentally in any way. Thank you Marie and Susan, this was an amazing session! Have a great one! -Iva

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Melissa Hager

Loved this episode! I’m definitely an introvert and my boyfriend is the extrovert who helps market me when I start becoming a nervous nelly! I often psych myself out before actually doing something so now I find that if I act like whatever event isn’t coming up or about to happen and just wing things then I kinda shut that voice up that tries to talk me out of doing these things and I find that I always have a fun time once I’m actually thrown into it. Its just working up the nerves to actually be present that I find problematic. Thanks so much for sharing this advice, I already had her book Quiet on my Amazon wishlist…hoping to get it for Christmas this year :D

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Connie

Inspirational!! Love this episode!! I have watched it twice tonight! I am an extreme introvert. I have struggled all my life, but, lately I am accepting the truth that I am fine. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I love the idea of reframing your quiet to realize it’s connected to the powers you value about yourself! Very nice!! I am a certified life coach and have been wanting to start my business for quite some time. I set a goal to start it 01/01/14. But I set it aside to do something else. It’s not where my heart is. So I am going to give my life coaching business my all. I want to coach introverts. I have some great ideas! Thank you Marie and Susan!!

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Brigitte van Tuijl

GREAT episode, thank you! I love the idea of a quiet revolution – the world definitely needs it.

I’m an extreme introvert & highly sensitive person myself (although a lot of people find that very hard to believe), and have struggled with that for so long – first in my personal life, and after that in my business. Last year I decided to not only embrace my hermitness completely, but to also build my entire business around it for 100%.

A very important aspect of this is your second tip, to make quota. I call this my Happy Hermit Regime, which means that I limit the number of hours of direct interaction with my (potential) clients to a maximum of 4 hours per week.

It was a stretch to implement this, but now, one year later, I’m so happy and relieved my business is finally working for me, instead of draining me.

I wrote a blog about this one year ago, and it resonated with lots of people. Although most people did not comment on my blog, but emailed me to let me know how much it resonated with them – they were ashamed and afraid to respond on my blog for everyone to see.

Another reason this quiet revolution is very necessary. Thank you Susan and Marie!!

(for those interested in reading my blog, you can find it here:

http://www.brigittevantuijl.com/message-from-the-cave/)

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Chelsea

Love your videos!

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Chrissa Reed

Thanks for the amazing interview Marie and Susan!

One of the concepts that really resonated with me was seeking out kindred spirits during networking. I’ve often felt guilty that I haven’t enjoyed talking to as many people as possible in those situations so this idea really takes the pressure off!

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Terri Albert

I consider myself an Extroverted Introvert. I can push myself to go up to strangers at networking events; I’ve done some public speaking; I was in sales for 14 years (although gave it up at the highest earning level I’ll ever be at in my life–but never regretted decision to leave industry because I was so burned out from being “on” that I couldn’t do that to myself any longer!) My best strategy is to leave a party/event when I’m still having a good time. When I stay too long, I hit the wall Marie talked about and then don’t have good memories/endings.

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Laura Valdes

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this episode.
I’m 25 and work as an interpreter and translator. I’m also currently working on being certified as both.
I’ve always been an introvert and since I’m dating an extrovert, I’m becoming increasingly aware of the importance of being more social, outgoing and confident in my personal and professional life. I regularly watch your episodes and read/listen to Ramit Sethi’s stuff.
I’ll definitely pick up a copy of Quiet.

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Tiffany

Wow this is so empowering! I loved this conversation and cant wait to read “Quiet”

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Nicole Bradford

Certainly 30-50% of ME is an introvert.

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@JennyAHansen

Oh my goodness! I needed this interview in my life SO much!!

I’m not even done watching it yet. I just became so excited that I had to pause it & comment.

Back to the video!

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@JennyAHansen

Ok, I finished the video and now I’m back.

I am very much an introvert, but my work is in serving people so I am really good at hiding it.

The biggest take-away for me was that it is ok to be done when I am done!!

I socialize and have fun and then I will get hit with anxiety out of no where. Now I know that it is my body’s way of saying “we’re done socializing for today. Time to recharge.”

Thank you so much @MarieForleo.

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Lisa

Hi Marie, I love ur show and really enjoyed this episode w Susan.
who knew I was an introvert at heart! Susan is right that we are taught at a young age being extroverted is desirable. Personally, I will make use of the quota system for decision free living and seeking out the one or two individuals I really would like to connect with when networking… Totally need to conserve our energies!! :)

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Paul Grace

Great interview, especially being specific with yourself about the number of events you want to got o and leaving early being OK.

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Brad Hines

Great post Marie. I really love Susan Cain. While I’m classified as ambiverted, I have so many really really talented and intelligent introverted friends, who I have always pushed hard on to sell themselves better not really understanding what it was like for them. I am glad for someone like Susan who is teaching the world that the merit of work isn’t about the noisiest shouter of it.

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Nyk Danu

Loved the look for one kindred spirit tip so using that! This is one of the reasons I hated networking events all the mingling but one kindred spirit that is so doable!

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Jennifer

Great episode! – happy to stumble upon it as I am currently reading her book – I am married to and in business with an introvert and my sister is even more introverted. I am quite an extrovert (in Susan’s book where you “rate yourself” I had only 2 introverted tendencies :) but as I understand it introvert-extrovert is a spectrum and we all have a bit of each trait.

What I loved about Susan’s talk are that her strategies for introverts can also be adapted by extroverts – I love the part about public speaking in a way that is YOU. Even extroverts get caught in a world where we feel we should be even MORE extroverted or more like “X” – in my case more introverted.

So for me the bottom line is, if we could all be comfortable being ourselves PERIOD we’d all be a lot happier.

Thank you Marie. I am a new subscriber and have taken so much away already in the first month from you and your guests. I am voraciously trying to catch up on all the episodes.

My big take aways so far from you:

Danielle LaPorte – How do I want to feel at the end of today? Ordered her book.
Money – There is more where this came from (I even do it with my Rose 31 Le LABO perfume :)
The big awkward pause! – I’m an extrovert remember – it works :)

THANK YOU!

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Sarah Kang

What touched me most was learning about how Gandhi was a very shy person, but considered shyness to be ones of his greatest strengths. My favorite takeaway: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” What Susan said next hit home– that we need to value who we are BECAUSE it is our shyness that is so connected to attributes such as “sensitivity and powers of observation.” I love that. It goes right in line with what you, Marie, and so many thought leaders say (Oprah says it all the time, too), that what the world needs is for you to be MORE you. Thank you for this lovely conversation!

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Leslie DP

I especially resonated with the reframe of networking as searching for kindred spirits….thank you so much!

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Lynn Cook

I loved the tip about allowing yourself to knowingly act out of character, then to come back out of that and give yourself time off. I have trouble being bold and saying my piece, putting myself out there, but adopting this strategy I could talk about what I need to then come back into my quiet self.

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Brenda

What an empowering interview! I have always been more toward the introverted side of the spectrum. Instead of feeling “socially awkward”, I can own what I’m about and understand that I can control my social interaction instead of being swept away by it.

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Ozge

What a lovely episode. Loved every piece of it. She is great with all she is putting out there, she is the reason that I realise i am an introvert who is raised as an extrovert and she is the reason I am comfortable and can take time for my self and say no to the exhausting unnecessary “networking” events without feeling guilty. Thank you both!

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Sarah Shotts

I’m a wedding cinematographer & photographer who just moved to a new area, and marketing through my introverted-ness is one of my biggest challenges. In my old town everyone knew me, but here I am really having to push myself to go out and make connections.

I *love* the idea of a search for kindred spirits. It really helps give a whole new perspective to the idea of “networking.”

Fantastic episode and I will be sure to check out Susan Cain and her book! Thanks!

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Gracelove

My husband is an introvert and sometimes i find myself getting angry because he avoids social gatherings like hell.
Now am going to see things with his eyes and understand what his feelings are.Thank you Marie.

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joeaux

OMG – I had no idea that there was a “movement” for introverts. This is something I’ve felt shame from, my whole life – being in a family of extroverts. I have turned down jobs because I had to speak in public… that part about focusing on the people in the audience who are loving what you are saying instead of focusing on the “grumpy” people is huge. Thank you Marie! and Susan!!!

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Terry Segal

I used to be very shy and moved through that. However, our youngest daughter who is 19 now, is a quiet observer. I used to write to her teachers at the beginning of each school year and share that with them. I’d write about her magical gifts and talents and invite them to consider the world from her vantage point. I asked that they not try to change her innate personality, rather support her by arming her with the knowledge they had to share. I can’t tell you how many times they replied with gratitude for the awareness AND that they NEVER had to tell her to be quiet in class. She took it all in and is a honors student and a keen observer of life!

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Lyz

My husbend is a great introvert. He never wants to get out of home, he doesnt drinks, he hates bars and dancing and everithing else…
And I am the ultimate extrovert. love to talk in pubic, need to get out to refill and be happy.

Sometimes I stay at home if we plan something in. sometimes is just video games. But there’s no guilt on girlfriend’s dancing night out. I love it, he hates it. I hate to miss it.
Why should we be glued togheter when we dont want to?

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Laurie

Great interview & truly inspiring book. I love how this book helped to communicate better to my daughter’s teachers. Also helped with verbal skills on being shy & introverted. Love the kindred spirits instead of networking. Thanks for a great interview.

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Żaneta

Great movie. I too am an introvert so I know this “problem.” Regards :)

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Sky

Great interview and validated so much for me. The best part is when Susan talks about having an extrovert partner. I recently found one I really get along with and I feel my life is so much more balanced. Then I realized I do always seem to have a more extroverted side kick, especially in my business life. I also like the points about how many people who like speaking, media and video can often be introverted, it all makes sense!!! :) Thank you! Sky

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Pamela Miller

Thank you both for doing this interview! I watched Susan’s talk last week and what stood out for me was her telling everyone to scrap the communal workspaces and leave some privacy for getting work done. I feel pressure to build a large communal workspace where everyone collaborates continuously and although I can see the value in this, personally I’m more productive if given privacy because I am so acutely aware of others’ energy and personalities. I know there are others who feel the same and who have so much to contribute! I think a balanced workspace that offers both options would be ideal! Terrific interview and topic, thank you, Pamela

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Jessica Tseng

I love this combination of episode. Thank you!

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Kristy

Thank you so much for this episode. I have been struggling with being introverted in a very extroverted world and thinking that I needed to change. This is a breath of fresh air to just be myself, and I am so excited to learn more about the public speaking skills that Susan has to offer for us introverts. Thanks again!

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Niki

Thank you ladies – I love this conversation too. Lots to take away, but I’ll start with giving myself permission to set those boundaries unapologetically.

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Tracey

Beautifully said!

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Michelle

I just wish I knew all this when I was in my 20s. It would have saved me so much angst, thinking I had to modify myself. So glad that this great movement has blossomed.

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Dawn Davis

Great info and I can’t believe I haven’t put this book on my reading list!! Understanding is the biggest key. For a few months a meeting of people in my profession was being held at my home – a two hour meeting, full of talking, exchanging great info but, even after the two hours, because it was at someone’s (my!) home (that I shared w/an extrovert who also participated) there was this sense that folks could just ‘hang out’ as long as they wanted to and continue to chit-chat. After two-hours I was already wiped and had to excuse myself to go to another room to escape and wind down. I finally had to have a conversation with the Meeting Facilitator to have him ask people to LEAVE the house after the meeting, providing a couple of area restaurants and coffee shops where they could go to finish the conversation. After all, it was a ‘business’ meeting, you wouldn’t hang in someone’s office after a meeting like that, you’d get back to your desk and get back to work! It was one of the most difficult, yet freeing, things I ever had to do for myself – we need to be more ‘aggressive’ in standing up for our needs…Susan has this down!! Thanks again!

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Tracey

I love using models (i.e. putting people into categories like “introvert” & “extrovert”) to help understand myself, people in general and the world as I experience it. But as we know people are not actually models…we are much more complicated than that. That said, models have always served me well in my personal growth and business.

This model really fascinates me. I’m now really longing for an in-depth study of it. The philosopher in me has been turned on too. Have I always been introverted and therefore have been able to develop a keen sense of observing social interactions? Or, have I always had this keen sense of observation that has led me to be an introvert?

Also, once I’m put on the ‘stage’ in a social setting and my extrovert has to step up, am I uncomfortable because I can no longer connect with everyone on the deeper level that I’m able to when I’m in my introvert skin?

Fascinating topic…love it! Thanks Marie :-)

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