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Feeling Like A Fraud? Stop Self Sabotage w/ This Unexpected Technique

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My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing so fast you’d think I just chugged 10 spiced pumpkin lattes.

Then I heard a voice say, “Let’s go Marie – you’re on.”

I took a deep breath and started walking.

During the five seconds it took me to get from backstage onto center stage to deliver my talk at the Lobero Theater in Santa Barbara last week, my mind generated the same old self-sabotaging thoughts I had when I first began speaking over a decade ago.

“You have no idea what you’re doing, and now they’re all going to know!”

“Your talk isn’t that special — people know this stuff already.”

“Everyone is going to be disappointed in you.”

Does this sound familiar? It should if you’re human. Self-sabotaging thoughts are normal. They’re a function of having a mind and a nervous system.

It doesn’t matter how much experience you have, or how spiritual you are. If you’re putting yourself out there in any way, shape or form — there’s a high likelihood you’ll feel the fear of “not being good enough.”

Many of us make the mistake of believing we need to overcome our fear and get rid of our negative thoughts in order to be successful.

But that’s not true at all!

The real trick is to learning how to make them powerless. Click play for this simple, but highly effective strategy that will help you cure your “fraud factor” fear once and for all.

More present moment engagement = less crappy thoughts. @MarieForleo

Remember, being present is a muscle that you can strengthen each day. The more present and engaged you are in what you’re doing, the less “room” there is to indulge in self-sabotaging thoughts.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear from you.

Are you ready to take our 7 Day Screen Saver Challenge? If so, leave a comment about how training yourself to be more present will make an impact in your life.

Got more tips, ideas and strategies to deal with self sabotage? Tell me all about it in the comments.

As always, thank you so much for reading, watching and contributing!

P.S.  This is a whole new way to think about dealing with “the fraud factor” and your “negative thoughts” — and I know it’s really going to serve you.

If you have a friend that’s struggling with feeling like a fraud, forward this post to them. They’ll thank you for it!

Love,

Marie Forleo

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Read the comments or Add yours

Chas

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ” ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet~

Better than I could say.

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Danielle

What a beautiful message, Chas! Thanks so munch for sharing. I think it really speaks to what Marie was talking about.

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Yoli

Thank you, Chas

Great message; fills my heart with the good stuff

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LC | Colored Girl Confidential

Ahhh! I love love love this quote – it is definitely getting added to my inspiration wall!

This issue is so common among women that it actually has a name – Impostor’s Syndrome. I remember when I was first getting started with my blog, Colored Girl Confidential, I was waiting for someone to snatch the virtual rug right from under my feet and tell me that I wasn’t enough of an “expert” to be talking to women about how to live more fulfilling lives.

I suppose that is why I love this quote and the idea of not needing to have everything solved in order to live fully and pursue your passion and purpose. Onward!

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Diana

I love your cooment !!! “not needing to have everything solved in order to live fully and pursue your passion and purpose” I’m going to tweet that Colored Girl :o)

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Felicia

EXACTLY, LC! :)

**P.S: I subscribe to your blog, LC…..it’s wonderful!

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Rose Marie James

Awesome website CGC! I have now subscribed to your blog as well :-) I’m looking forward to your updates!

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Elena Kulakovska

Well said: “Not needing to have everything solved in order to live fully and pursue your passion and purpose.”

Most of the times when it comes to making decisions, there is something that makes us feel not quite ready yet. When in reality that time of “being fully ready” may never come. So there is no need for us to wait on taking action until our feelings change; simply take the action now and our feeling will change.

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Kristin

That is wonderful, Chas. Thank you for sharing!

Kristin (Team Forleo)

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Antonia Lo Giudice

Thanks for sharing this Chas! It pretty much says it all:) In living, the answers will come, focusing on looking for them, the answers just might pass us by!

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Matina

Rilke’s comment has always been an inspiration for me. I lived in Worpswede, in the town that he lived and many times have walked the paths in the forest he did with his wife. His words ring true, as Marie’s, time will show us the way, but action will engrave our legacy. Let us not be distracted by senselessness, but plow on into our destiny.
greetings,
Matina

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amy m.

That was really beautiful, and healing for me to read right now, so thanks Chas!

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Galina the expat

Hey Marie,

You are right! I’m watching you in the afternoon here in China :)
This is so freaking powerful. Just want to watch it over and over again. It’s unbelievable how you manage to put so much value in such a short video. Love it!
I absolutely loved the “screen saver” concept and I’m going to take the challenge.
The “power off” happens to me every time I’m not focused or engaged, that’s for sure. I didn’t even START working on a few creative projects because of the fraud factor. I had to create a plan and stick to it instead.
Gonna stick a note on my computer with your tweetable and “Get back into your life”!

P.S. Thank you for everything you do. You are such an inspiration to me!

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Laura Hames Franklin

Hi Marie
Yes yes yes. Brilliant A to this Q.
That’s all I have to say. Bye

Just kidding…

It’s refreshing to hear your straight- up not trying to change your thoughts clarity. It’s so true that you can’t change thoughts… that is their nature and that’s what like to do.. Think!

But what you can shift is the underlying emotions and patterns that created them. So, i know for me, it’s a process of getting that deeper wisdom/ awareness/ inner intelligence to improve the communication that is preventing my body from feeling the whole-ness fully in each moment.

As these communications are re-established, it allows the body’s wisdom to find and dissolve the roots of the patterns and emotions and the wholeness naturally returns and grows…

and thus brings you to an even more expanded place where ‘being present’ has a whole new meaning because suddenly there is ‘more of you’ to be present… because there is more information flowing through your feedback loop (ie what you can be aware of in any moment) and thus your ability to be aware, and feel more joy increases exponentially!

Sweet! That’s a whole lot o lovin life :) THanks Marie for doing such a great job at empowering that!

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Stacelynn Caughlan

I’ve learned to really embrace that feeling after reading the work done by Dr Valerie Young http://www.impostorsyndrome.com

“Feelings of faking it are usually associated with intelligence, diligence and, paradoxically, competence. Slackers, blusterers, and the genuinely incompetent tend not to stress about feeling like fakers.”

Awesome huh?

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Kylie Ryan

Love that Stacelynn! Thanks for sharing.

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Deana Ward

Yes! Thanks so much for sharing:) I’ve often wondered how and why some people who seem to be “a few bubbles off” appear have 50 times the gumption and confidence that I do…which can make me wonder if I’m genetically faulty:) This is great!

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Robyn Keet

I love this quote stacelynn. Thanks for sharing

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Jem

Awesome Stacelynn! Fantastic :)

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jacquelyn

oooo I like that! Thank you for sharing!

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Dawn

Totally awesome! Thanks for sharing :-)

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April Sullivan

That quote is awesome! Thank you for sharing.

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Julie

Totally awesome! Thanks for sharing!

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india leigh

urm, YES awesome. Love that. AND every other comment all you amazing people are leaving. See what you do Marie?! Life changing. x

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frederic

Yes, it really is this old story of paradox and looking at things in terms of complementarities rather than opposition. Thinking, ‘I am an idiot’ is not the opposite of being intelligent: it is the sign that you are intelligent: only an intelligent person can think ‘I am an idiot’ – a real idiot (if that really exist … ) would never think like that because they cannot ‘see’ it. Love the quote and you for sharing it!

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Angela

Wow! Now there’s perspective.

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Suzie

Love the screensaver analogy Marie it’s so true! I can’t imagine you doubting yourself with self sabotage Marie but thanks for sharing your fear!
Thanks Tamrid (sorry if I spelt it wrong) for your question, I feel this way when I’m overwhelmed or I have to do something that’s in the too hard basket but Marie to the rescue!
I listen to Marie a long time ago about “Being present and be the best you can be in the moment” no matter what you do ie cleaning the shower or doing a job you really don’t want to!

I’ve found it super effective! But I still have to force myself to be in the moment when those crappy thoughts of “I’m not good enough creeps in and I think there is someone out there doing it better than me….I practice “Marie’s in the moment mantra” – Stay focused Be present and Be the best you can be at that moment! It works!
And a couple of weeks ago Dr Cathy was talking about the sub conscious mind she was so helpful too http://www.marieforleo.com/2012/09/your-subconscious-mind/

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Susanna Halonen

Hi Suzie,
You took the words out of my mouth – completely agree!
Being present & engaged keeps you focused and positive. Also being positive makes you more engaged so maybe it’s even about talking to your subconscious and saying “Hey, I can do this so you just be quiet!” and think of previous times you overcame some challenges.
Also loved Dr Cathy’s talk – it’s all about working with the subconscious not against it :)

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Cecilia

Hi Marie!
This reminds me of the first time I did public speaking. In the days and hours leading up to it, I really felt like I was going to die. All the terrible thoughts came rushing in and it was all I could do to not run from the building screaming minutes before I went on.

I didn’t run, I told myself this. “No matter what happens in the next hour, at the end of it you will still be alive. All you have to do is live through the next hour.”

There was something so liberating about putting it into perspective like that. If I totally bombed, did it really matter? How would I feel if I didn’t even try?

Turns out I LOVE public speaking! Not only that, I got some bored folks who sat down to eat some french fries (I was speaking by the concession stand at a convention centre) to turn around in their seats and listen to what I was saying.

If I had listened to my self sabotaging thoughts, I never would have discovered something that gives me so much pleasure. I still get nervous almost every single time, but that’s life and sure enough I live through it every time.

ox
Cecilia

p.s. Can’t wait to meet you this weekend at RHHLive! :)

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Kika

Very encouraging to hear!

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Kristin

That’s a great way to look at it, Cecilia! And we’re so excited to see you this weekend, too – it’s going to be amazing!

Kristin (Team Forleo)

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Kylie Ryan

Love love love this post… funnily enough it resonates with my post today about bringing yourself back to the present moment and not getting stuck in thoughts about the past or the future. Negative thoughts are just our stories up in our heads, “zombie land” disconnectedness from our present moment in our body. Love the analogy of the screensaver.. So true. When we are fully engaged in the moment, we are inside our bodies doing our work in “the Zone” Yay. (Not to be confused with the diet. :-P) Here’s my post on how to get out of your head and back into your body in the present moment… http://mymindcoach.com.au/body-disconnection-living-in-the-now/

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melissa

so true. something I have to remind myself all the time. When my screensaver comes on I yell STOP & SHUT UP! heehee

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Sandy Galiano

Hi Marie and everyone else

Its so hard for me to self sabotage or have fear right now. You see, a family member I just met for the first time in August was struck by a bus in late September..unexpected to live.

While she visited Chicago I took her to the Bahaii Temple, so when I was told she would not make it through the weekend of October 5th I went to the Bahaii Temple. I cried so hard. I prayed to God and to her (I thought her soul would hear me). I thanked her for coming into my life and teaching me to love life.

Rare is it when you meet someone, spend a week with them, and they touch your soul. She did, that’s why I cried so hard. I also cried because I knew even know a death at age 57 was young, she lived a full life. My conversations with her in August were profound. We talked about what it was to be a woman, making the most of every moment, and never giving up on dreams.

Many people nowadays talk about being love, peace, and being present. What I learned from this woman was being present is not just about being aware of what is now, but choosing to make the NOW count representing who you are. What good is it if you are present for your boyfriend and your mom but could care less if you are on the phone dropping the F bomb while a child is nearby? Being, truly being is about giving the love and peace in your heart and soul. When we all do this you will find harmony.

Let me finish by saying how this family member miraculously survived. The doctors are in awe and can not scientifically explain it. The brain injury was severe and yet she survived. The doctors said she would be paralyzed yet she recently moved her arms and legs. Her story is unfolding. She hasn’t spoken yet due to the tubes in her mouth. I can only imagine the wonderful things she has to share going through this experience.

I feel she survived against all odds because she had the WILL TO LIVE. She knew how to make each moment count. She treated everyone the same way, with love and respect. She was the essence of walking the walk and talking the talk. She loved her life.

So how can I fear anything?! Anything can happen to anybody at any time. Treating myself and everyone around me with love and respect PLUS having the WILL TO LIVE…every day…THAT is what matters. That’s a life worth living.

Fight for your life, for your dreams, for you. This practice may be the changing factor if you ever find yourself between life and death.

Peace, love and harmony to all.

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Suzie

Sandy I have a lump in my throat, I don’t think I can say anything more at this moment YES be in the moment to be true to yourself and others. “Fight for your life, for your dreams, for you”

Thank you for sharing now I’m crying. I hope your family friend continues to improve everyday.

Suzie x

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Sandy Galiano

Thank you Suzie :)

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Grace

Beautiful and so inspiring story, Sandy. Thank you for sharing!

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Sandy Galiano

You’re welcome, Grace.

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Valerie

Sandy, thank you for sharing this heartfelt story with us.

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Sandy Galiano

You’re welcome. Traumatic experiences have a way of facing life with clarity and no fear..even if for just a short time.

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Dawn

Thanks for sharing this Sandy, it was just what I needed to hear right now :-)

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Kristin

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story, Sandy. This is truly moving and incredible, and it’s a humble reminder that life is so fragile.

Kristin (Team Forleo)

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Debbie Spellman

Sandy, WOW.
Your story is so powerful, I have even put part of this quoted on my facebook page just now (quoting you of course). Between Marie and You, I have never felt so determined and empowered to power through my day.
Thank you Debbie xxx

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Sandy Galiano

One more thing. An inspiring story I saw thanks to Dr. Lissa Rankin who shared it on Facebook today.

If you love your life, then this is a MUST to watch. Seriously, do it for yourself…..watch this!!!!

http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html?source=facebook#.UIYcZ11tR7J.facebook

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Robyn Keet

Awesome video Sandy

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Suzie

WOW this was so inspiring!

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Grace

Sandy, I can’t thank you enough for sharing this link. It wasn’t only very inspiring, but it also had some kind of terapeutic meaning to me, as I saw few members of my family fighting with strokes. Thank you!

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Sandy Galiano

I agree. Therapeutic for sure.

Also, Dr. Jill briefly mentions how it took her 8 years to recover. A great point in accepting that things take time. Had she given into fear and given up then there would never be this video of her sharing. Made me think of my own life, my story…and all that can happen 8 years from now or even one year from now. I’m not giving up :)

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Laurel anderson

This was the most incredible Ted Talk I have ever seen. I always talk about choosing what we think, people ask me how, and I say, choose the better feeling thought. Marie talks about how two things can’t occupy the same place at the same time, and about how we can click off the screen saver and replace it with consciousness thought,But to hear this woman’s experience made it really hit home for me.
I so appreciate all the incredible women who participate in this forum and share such incredible information.
And yet, I was the one who chose to watch the video, read your comments and watch this Ted Talk video,
and it’s the better feeling thought.

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Christiano

Do it for the sake of doing it.
At least tell yourself that, when you are just about to chicken out.
Soon, it will be over, like it has always been over.
For example, I am thinking, why comment? Just why?
But, I have done it.
Thanks, Marie for sharing.

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Ameena Falchetto

This is awesome as always Marie …

One great way to remind yourself is to write down what you have achieved and post it on your wall. It’s a great way to remind yourself of how awesome you are!

Then I have my 2 little mantras I use whenever self-doubt creeps in to my life, or those around me …

1. No one can be a better version of you!
2. We are all experts of OUR own experience!

Love the challenge – it’s a good reminder to stay focused and tell those limiting beliefs to “shut up!”

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Tifanie

Marie – I think your videos on fear are by far the best overall! hope you’re adding this to your fear and self doubt resources. I revisit those! ;)

Ps – LOVE your dress this week

Ameena – thanks for sharing your mantras. Those are goin up on my dry erase board :)

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Katy Lowe

Woo…good ones Ameena – especially the second one!

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Nige

Hey peeps,

Happy new day.

I have been experimenting with various techniques for the last 20 odd years and I have arrived at the following conclusion that we are what we think about all day long. So, I challenge myself everyday to pull out the weeds and plant positive seeds instead. I write them out, pin them up and repeat them over and over and over again. This keeps me grounded in the present moment- and in my experience that’s when miracles happen. The point of power is always in the present moment. Some peeps think I’m nuts but they are entitled to their opinion and I can’t think of anything more nuts than cramming my head with negativity, and then complaining because my life doesn’t seem to be working!

I also use the same techniques with my clients and the results are wowza! I may have posted this article before but if you haven’t read it I suggest that you do, because it will seriously change your relationship with exercise.

http://nige-atkinson.co.uk/how-to-get-past-the-little-voice-that-says-i-cant/

Have a positive day.

Love Nige:-)

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Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca

I’m writing this while homeless.

Again.

And I call myself a “success-coach”.

I don’t think I could feel like MORE of a fraud.

But admitting it feels powerful and badass, and I turned it into an inspirational story for others :)

Just wanted to share, contribute, and be an example of self-acceptance and vulnerability :)

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Sandy Galiano

thanks for sharing Jason. Neale Donald Walsh was also homeless. He didn’t give up and maintained the will to live. He kept going, picking up momentum, until the flywheel just spun on its own.

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Elise

God damn I love that dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is TOTES what my life coach has been getting me to do for the last two weeks – practice mindfulness!

I gotta say, it is an incredible exercise because you become more and more aware of your habits and behaviours and when you realize what you’re doing, you no longer have as much of an emotional response to those negative ‘fraud’ thoughts. It’s really quite amazing.

I will defs continue to do this as it’s a BIG PART of what I teach on The Inner Vibrance Project!

Love you!x

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Shauna Harper

You rock! This is so simple… yet, forgotten all the time! Love this video. Thanks Marie.

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Linda Ursin

Most of the time, I just brush them off. I rarely let them get to me. I think that screensaver trick might just work for other thoughts going in circles in your brain as well. I’m definitely going to try it for the one’s I’m tired of.

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Dévashi Shakti

That is one of the funniest episodes of Marie TV I’ve seen & SOOOOOOO true. I love the analogy of the screensaver, thanks for keeping it fun Marie, love it x

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jennifer elizabeth

people, this really works! i’ve been suffering from self sabotaging thoughts for a while {and not just when it comes to business}. over the past 30 days i’ve been practicing this – the idea of becoming aware of your thoughts and immersing yourself in the present moment. i can tell you it has worked wonders. eventually those thoughts diminish. they may never fully go away but when they come your awareness crushes them.

suggestion: read the power of now by eckhardt tolle

BTW i LOVE your dress & belt Marie. you look fantastic as usual!

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Sandy Galiano

Awareness and acceptance are fundamental.

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Maddison

I love this advice, I didn’t think I had an issue with self-sabotage, boy was I wrong. I only thought that way because when I said those sabotaging, negative words I believed them like they were gospel, of course this isn’t good I didn’t try my hardest, or I’m not very good, I mean I’m not. Wow what an issue!
I love your concept on the screensaver, I think it’s a great analogy of the modern day concepts of mindfulness, which I know have definitely helped me when fighting self sabotage issues.
The best info I ever got told or learnt myself was that all my thoughts aren’t meant to be engaged, they can just be like cars passing by on a street, you can pay attention but just because they came into my head doesn’t mean I had to engage in them or that I had to believe in them.

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Elisheva

This really hit home for me! Just yesterday I was teaching a class and one of the student started questioning me, and I really felt like he was actually putting me down. But instead of letting him get in my head and obsessing about it, I totally lived in the moment, and gave him a really great answer.
Now if only I could stop obsessing about it….:) Back to work!

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Jo

PERFECT timing as always Marie… I was just typing out an email to a radio presenter about going on her show… I was having the ‘who do you think you are’ moment, when up popped your email. I have been working in my career now for 4 years, have amazing feedback from clients, yet still suffer with the sabataging thoughts. All is well and I am enough! THANKS Marie.

xoxo

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Kristin

Perfect timing!

Kristin (Team Forleo)

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Hannah

Awesome as always! I think these tips are significantly important when u’re just starting up. Any other time too but they can be the most harmful when u’re planning to start cause they might wanna make u flush your whole plan down the toilet…

A visual thing I actually picked up while trying to overcome my stupid fear of flying (which I’ve pretty much accomplished now, yay!) is that whenever crappy (scary, fraudy, whiney whatever) thoughts pop up in your head – just visualize the beaming red stop sign. Simple but it works for me. Because we all know these thoughts do noooooo good whatsoever. :)

Love from Austria! And the Netherlands :)

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Anita

OMG spiced pumpkin lattes?!!! I’m on my way to NYC from London to attend RHH Live and I am definitely having me one (means 5) of those!! Love your work Marie :-)

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Abigail

Just read all the comments on this page – what a wonderfully magical collection of people living life in the moment! I was inspired by the talk and loved the screen saver analogy, but even more so by the people who then got past the ‘not good enough’ to add their voice to the conversation. (that includes me too! Don’t think I’ve commented before, but I read up and watch Marie TV regularly)

Thank you Marie for continuing to give us a space to connect with ourselves and with one another.

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Ashraf Kamal

Wow Amazing Video ! I love This Video and Your Work … Thak You For Sharing Such Great Things .. You are Rocking and lovely Lady…. <3

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Deana Ward

This advice really clunked me on the head (in a good way)!

I know I will come back to it over and over for myself AND my kids…yay!

In sticky times, I have tried to explain to my children how “the only things we really can control are our thoughts” and that – while it is true – is such a difficult thing to wrap one’s brain around, especially when you are 9 and 10.

NOW I plan to use this advice instead, “The only thing you can control is what you focus on.” Sooooo much easier to digest and practice.

Love this:)

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Jodi

Wise words woman! As an artist I am always hearing my negative chatter loud and clear – “The next brush stroke you make is going screw your whole painting up cos you’re such a fool!” is the sort of thing I hear.

Can’t wait to try the 7 day challenge. Thanks Marie!

Jodi

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Kylie

Thanks Marie for your simple + spunky advice. I use breath alot to become present – it is stunning what consciously breathing slowly and deeplky can do to anchor you to the now. My yoga teacher told me years ago “every breath you have the opportunity to breathe in energy (or love, or peace) and breathe out stress” … that’s what in my head if I ever get into that sticky self sabotage territory :))

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Lisa Larter

Hi Marie

Love this! Great analogy with the screen saver.

One of the things I learned a long time ago (and now teach my clients) is competence is the cure for confidence.

When I am feeling like I am not good enough – I focus on what I know, if there are gaps I am concerned about – I go learn that stuff, and lastly, I remind myself of the results people have gotten from working with me to put those chattering fraud gremlins to rest.

I spoke at a big event this year, and I was so nervous that the night before the talk – I forgot what I was going to say. Gone – vanished 100%.

Talk about stress, so I created a new message and went with it instead of agonizing over the old one. Fear and especially fear of not being good enough creates some serious internal dialogue! thanks for making it real!

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Katie

Hi Marie,

Really good topic. I think that often we can get too busy and lose conscious awareness just by keeping ourselves busy because we want to escape the mind chatter. I have found this to be true for myself. It’s often why people find it hard to chill out or relax, so we need to make relaxation and work time more present rather than tuning out our conscious mind out in any given situation.
I look forward to your weekly videos.
Thank you Katie

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sagaren

Another great topic to focus on this week.
Yes we all feel not good enough at certain times and it is our ability to counter this that helps us to live a happy and fulfilling life. When I slide in to thoughts of fear and insecurity, I take a few deep breaths and say some empowering words to myself.
A personal mantra I like to use is ” I am always good enough. I feel safe, loved and powerful right now!
Love
Sagaren

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Lisa Haupert

Marie,
Love, love this!
You and I are so on the same wave length this week!
I have a video that is coming out on my brand new web site next week called, “A sure-fire way to banish negative self talk.”
One of the challenges I have had, as do so many of my weight loss clients, is that same inner voice that you talked about today. I have a name for it – The Troll. And in Scandinavian folklore, when sunlight shines on a troll, it turns to stone. Simply by recognizing that voice for what it is, we can take its power away and turn it to stone. There have been times I’ve even talked back to it and refuted it with the facts. Now when it appears, boom. Just the facts, ma’am – and that trollish voice turns to stone. Thank you so much for talking about this today. Taking the power of the voice of self-sabatoge away makes it so much easier to keep moving forward.

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Ali

HI Marie
thanks for your jobs
i love you
from ali
Algeria africa

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Leanne @ Healthful Pursuit

Great episode today, Marie! It seems as though you always deliver the video/topic I need at the right moment. I’ve taken up yoga again to remind myself to stay in the present moment. You’re right, those stories of sabotage only come up when I’ve checked out mentally, great screen saver analogy. I’m totally going to try this 7 day challenge, it’s right up my alley!

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Meagan

I’m doing a study on insecurity with some other ladies right now, and this is one of the most common insecurities for women. We ALL seem to struggle with this. Knowing that helps me to know I’m not the only person out there that feels this way. It also helps me to encourage others so they feel like they are doing a good job. What goes around, comes around, and in turn, others end up encouraging me when I need it most.

I also read an interesting statistic about women and the insecurities we struggle with. It said something like 95% of all our insecurities are of our own imaginations. 95%!!! That’s huge! It just goes to show that we can be our own worst enemies, and that even though we may be thinking we’re a fake and no worthy… chances are, we’re the only one thinking that.

Thanks Marie! You are such an inspiration!

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Janet

haha, love this cute metaphor. I was just thinking earlier about how I always self sabotage and my insight was “Leave your emotions out of it!” which is kind of a similar message to this… But I love how you explain it with the metaphor better! ;) Just think about it.. When you self sabotage and get down that rabbit hole you stop working! So just don’t engage in the emotions and just get back to work.

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Johanna

Morning Marie!

Love it love it! Yes, it’s so true. Being present and engaged takes away so much of those “uh-oh, I’m a fraud” feelings. Having a plan and taking action on that plan brings me clarity and confidence.

So when I start to freak out and/or wonder how my health coaching business to support smart, busy women to find their healthy, happy sweet spot and stay there, is going to grow bigger than it is, I put my head down and do something. I take action. And it all becomes clear again.

I’m in for the seven day screen saver challenge!

xo Johanna

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Donloree

YES. And now my brain is swimming with ideas. Thank you.

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Grace

Hey Marie and everyone! :)
Thank you for this video. You speak about the same subject I was deliberating last week.
I don’t have self sabotaging thoughts about my work. To be honest I am sure I’m really good jewelry designer. I know that my work is unique and it makes women feel the power of their femininity.
My problems are thoughts about my marketing and social media. I often feel guilt and depressed that I still make very little in this subject. I worry that because of that I can’t reach women who could fall in love with my work. When I start to think about the number of things I still need to learn and get done – that’s when thee panic and sadness is started and my creativity hits the ground.
And yes, you are so right : I rarely have these thoughts when I’m focused. :)

For the last few weeks I’ve been working hard on the things that needed to be improved. I only had one worse day with self-doubting thoughts. :) And you know what? I’m blogging again, posting regularly on my facebook fanpage, I even (finally!) have my twitter account and I’m finishing writing my first newsletter. Yay! :) I wouldn’t do this without your videos, Marie – I learnt so much here from you, your awesome guests and from this fantastic community.

So, staying focused is a great thing. And having someone who reminds you to get your act together is really important, too. Marie, since the day I came across your site I feel like I have a personal coach. Thank you, Lady! :)

My best and warmest wishes,
Grace.

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Sandy Galiano

What’s your twitter name? I’ll be happy to follow you :)

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Grace

Sandy, that’s so nice of you! I will follow back. :)
My twitter (started just few days ago) : https://twitter.com/FiliGrace
And my blog : http://filigrace.blogspot.com

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Grace

Funny, I thought I replied to your comment, Sandy, but I can’t see it.
That’s very nice of you, Sandy and I will follow you back. :) My Twitter name is FiliGrace.

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Amy Elias

Been STUCK in my psychological distillation trauma of childhood pattern of feeling like “I’m not good enough” so here’s the proof. I keep changing my message, because I keep sabotaging the one before thinking “Well that didn’t go over too good, let me revamp my website, my message, my attitude, my marketing…” etc– but the real revamping is taking that feeling of “I’m not good enough” and let it be the “secret” and feedback that you just lost “passionate” focus. This is an f-’in game changer for me. It keeps me from feeling victim to childhood repetitions meant to keep me small. It always shows itself in times of stress and is perpetuated by the Catch-22 pattern. Now after listening to your message of the screensaver metaphor it releases me from feeling like a failure -tired, burnt out, exhausted by reinvention- I will now know I was QUEEN OF SELF SABOTAGE. And became a perfectionist at it. Now it will mean a DIVE DEEP into my forward motion of action. Epic genius. Thank you.

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Candice

Hi Marie,

Thanks again for always delivering the right message at the right time.

I notice I always go into screensaver (insecurity/failure) mode when I’m overwhelmed with loose ends. Writing a detailed “to do” list usually “hits my key”.

You are wearin’ that leopard Mama!!

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Mer

Oh, Marie, this was SO right on time! I’m speaking on a panel later this morning and was totally in screensaver mode. Your vid was exactly what I needed to hear. This is GREAT advice and I’m in for the Seven Day Challenge. Thanks, you’re the best!

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Grace

One more little thing. ;-)
I just realised how much I accomplished – for most of my life I have been ensured that I don’t have any (ANY) manual talents. And now I write publicly that I am talented person. :) Isn’t it fantastic? :)

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Dana Smith

One of the best

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Mohan Embar

Holy Crap. Marie, as you know, I saw that talk and had no idea that you were thinking this stuff before you went on stage. My respect for you just went up even more because you admitted that. For those of you that weren’t there, I was watching Marie and she was diligently taking notes and studying the other speakers the entire time (which meant that she wasn’t off somewhere preparing for her speech). Then, at the very last moment, she went from the audience to the stage and gave her talk like a pro. I was also observing that she knew the exact time she had allotted for her speech and somehow knew how to deliver the exact content that she wanted in that time. It was pretty impressive. And she knew exactly how to rock the crowd too and seemed utterly in her element. And to think that you were having those thoughts beforehand is pretty eye-opening.

I had wanted to thank you one last time for being such a good sport about my peppering you with all those questions and share a couple of (non-commercial) links with you in a non-public forum, so I’ll try to tweet them to you. Since Twitter is limited to 140 characters, consider this my thank you. I really appreciated it.

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Tmuffin

First of all, my 3 year old was watching this with me, and out of the blue, he just started saying, “Hi Marie! Hi Marie!” Adorable.

Now about the video–holy cow, you are so right on. You put into words the things I know but don’t quite realize. It’s pretty awesome. When I’m in “go mode,” I feel like I’m on top of the world. The second I stop, the discouraging thoughts come in. So how do we relax without these thoughts creeping in? I feel like I always have to be go go go!

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Kyra Williams

Part of my job is to convince women that the are doing everything right and to take confidence in that, and themselves, in their effort to lose weight and become healthy. I know that my plan works so it is frustrating sometimes because I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle with them, when all they have to do is follow the steps I lay out for them. Low and behold, if they follow my instructions, they always have success.

But so many women sabotage themselves by doing things like eating cookies or chips because when you peel back all the layers, they are truly scared to stop hiding behind their weight. Their weight is a crutch.

Ever since your video about reprogramming your subconscious mind, I realized I hold myself back from things that seem “too big” for me because I don’t think I’m there yet.

Screw that though!!! I’m done with not having enough money to take a private yacht through the Mediterranean!!!! I wanna be on that yacht so now, I’m asking for things from people in high positions and big companies and you know what’s cool… I’M GETTING THEM!!!!!

I may not be Jillian Michaels or Dr. Oz, but that doesn’t mean I’m not as smart as them! They had to start somewhere too and if they didn’t have the guts to ask for things, they wouldn’t have gotten where they are either!

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Katy Lowe

Kyra

Good for you!! You are motivating me to step it up! :) Thank you for sharing!

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lena

Zombie land, loved it :)
I tend to go to that land quite a lot, but now I can get out of it quicker. One of my favorite ways is reading or watching something inspiring like Marie TV :)
Thanks so much Marie, loved this video!

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Amber Goodenough

Even the girl with GOODENOUGH as her last name feels that way from time to time. Really enjoyed this post. It’s so refreshing to know that everyone feels this way on occasion.

My mantra for the next 7 days is remind myself that the universe has my back. And that I am Goodenough, literally. Sure not everyone will love me, but I keep putting myself out there knowing that my message will hit the people that its supposed to.

Can’t believe I missed you at the Lobero! I am an SB native but I’m living in Amsterdam at the moment. I would have loved to see you in my hometown. Ah well, the universe has other plans!

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Jessica

Marie,
This video couldn’t have come at a better time! I am still fairly new to my home based business, and find that I am my biggest block! The fear of the unknown, and what sort of reaction am I going to get has really held me back – and I’m READY to achieve my goals! I really needed this and will use it along with the “reprogram your subconscious” tips!!

Thank you! <3

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Gina

I first heard of this syndrome back in the late Sixties — at least we had an excuse then! Why are today’s smart, educated, liberated women still sending themselves that message?

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Tiffani K

I had this aha moment myself last week…I am only in doubt when I am not in action. Who has time for doubt when you are in the Zone!Great analogy and one I will be using!!!

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Kristi Thompson

Love it. When I find myself in Zombie Land, I say Flip It to myself, say a positive affirmation to counteract the negative thought and move on.

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@Stephen_P_Brown

This is not limited to women – everyone experiences this but a lot of men cover it up with bravado. As a conductor composer it’s important to incorporate and utilize all feelings, including the fear of not being good enough, into every performance of classical music. Having spent 50% of my life in the UK and 40% in the USA, I understand T’s point though: people in England are naturally very critical – surpressingly so. Just remember that a lot of folk hide their own fears by pointing out mistakes in others. It’s called diversion.

For me, bottom line is: it doesn’t matter if you’re ‘good enough.’ There are people out there who haven’t experienced you or what you have to offer. Find them. They’re the ones to focus on. They’ll appreciate you. One person in the audience laughs at your joke? Start a conversation with them right there from the stage! That will get your screensaver off pretty quickly. Soon more will be ‘with you’ than not. Same applies to every setting/ situation we find ourselves in. It can be an awesome experience when you USE your fears, not hide them.

Great advice, Marie. As always.

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Dvora Schleffer

That is a cool new way to look at negative thoughts. Thanks Marie. I agree that you can’t make these thoughts disappear but you can choose what to do with them. If you let it discourage you from doing stuff because you think you’re not good enough, that’s too bad. But you can also use these thoughts as a growing engine. If you feel you’re not good enough at something, do something to improve yourself. Read articles, take a seminar etc.

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Terri

I feel like you may have listened in on a conversation I had with a friend last week. I am a photographer and my skills have really blossomed in the last 2 years, but lately I have had a feeling of self doubt. I actually said I felt like a fraud. It’s like an out of body experience of sorts. I see my images and don’t always feel that I’m the one who created them. Being present helps to keep me connected to my current reality and reminds me I really am a real photographer and not a fraud. I am who I claim to be and who I really know myself to be deep down. Thank you for being so open and sharing!

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Valerie

This is so true. A few months ago the ‘not good enough’ signal got so loud I was a hair breadth away from giving my my dream of running my business despite having over 10 years experience and knowledge in my field. I felt inadequate. In fact I still do but its not stopping me moving towards building my business.

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Patricia Mendizabal

YES! THANK YOU!

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carrie

This was so good today! Even though only 5 minutes long, I started the video and thought STOP! Warm up your coffee, get your breakfast because the day is about to start. I did so and loved it. Just tweeted your tweet-able. Really, I run my own business, but it’s so refreshing to just do what inspiring minds tell me to do.

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Kimberly Houston

This is a great discussion!

One of my closest friends and I recently had a long convo about imposter syndrome, and when it rears its head. We both agreed that anytime either of us has gotten a great new client or some other wonderful opportunity, these feelings show up. It last happened to me a few months ago when I put myself out there for a big opportunity, which I got, then felt utterly terrified about for two straight days afterward, anxious and worried that I wouldn’t be able to do the work. That fear proved unfounded and everything went well, but dang, wish I’d known about the Screen Saver technique then!

That said, I have techniques I use. When I begin doubting my abilities, I might look to other similar situations where I’ve excelled. Sometimes I simply ask myself, “Is this really true?” Or, “That’s interesting. Why do I
feel this way?” Or I might think of how I would respond if one of my uber-amazing girlfriends said, “I just got this great gig, but what if I can’t do the work? What if I fail?” And then I say the same thing to myself that I would say to her. ; )

I think the important thing is to to allow the feeling to be there, acknowledge it without judgment, and then let it go. Then hopefully it dissipates, dissolves and evaporates because you don’t give it any power.

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Zuly

If I am very sure about the content I have no problem with the talking. When I have that screensaver moments or a Moon time and starts to say something about my personal experience or make myself a joke, everyone see very natural and like it. I feel confidence again.

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Diane

Wow! Real penny dropping moment. I never made the connection between the self doubts and not being engaged. I’ve just realised that I’ve not had any of those negative thoughts for awhile (since b-school!) and pretty sure it’s because I’m constantly working on my biz. Whether its brainstorming new product ideas, doing my newsletter, creating products, I’m always doing something. I even dream tasks and ideas for my biz.

Now I know the connection in regards to self-doubt, I’ll know what to do when they pop up again.

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Christina

Marie, LOVE the leopard-print! Smokin!!

This was an excellent tip. Those negative thoughts can be really powerful some days, and they needn’t be.

I have been practicing EFT tapping lately as well simple little energy work exercises and it has been really effective for getting me back on track and focused.

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Rocco

THIS is Exactly what I needed today. Thank you Marie and Team for helping to raise my Vibration and Self Awareness today. You Totally Rock! <3
Now if you will excuse me….I have some sweet ass to kick business wise!

Oxoxo Rocco

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beth

Hey Marie… Awesome A. The part about the screen saver when you hit neutral was one of my favorite parts. Getting back to work, pick that one thing you know you can do–right now– and do it, is the perfect antidote. I also agree that there is no need to analyze or explain the thought and fighting them is totally not going to work. Any of those has you focusing on the thoughts which, as you have pointed out in the past, makes them bigger.

I do, however, think that over time you can rewrite these thoughts, to an extent, in two ways. (You’ll never make them go away completely.) One, by what you accomplish when you look over the long list of things that you have accomplished by clicking that do something now button and getting back to work at the moment and, Two, by a daily practice of writing down what went well that day, and why in some sort of journal. For those of us with a propensity to negativity, excessive perfectionism and self doubt, this is a powerful tool that I learned from Authentic Happiness. At the end of each day write a minimum of three things that went well that day and why they went well. Each one needs to be detailed and the why it went well part is very important. It’s okay if part of the why is that someone helped, we all need help and we all need to remember the help we get, or a fortuitous connection happened, we all need that too and we all need to remember those but, if we keep this journal we will find that a lot of the reason that something went well is that we put in the labor to do it well, learn it well, and practice well. There needs to be at least three of these a day, more is sometimes better but not if it means that you beat yourself up for doing that wrong. ;)

Anyway, I started this practice a little over a year ago and it has helped me to get back to center more readily because my brain is being trained to think about the things that go right.

For the record, if I do have times where I feel like I have been derailed too long I will sometimes acknowledge that in the journal as well because it keeps me from judging that and stuffing it. This derailment also happens to everybody.

Once again, great A!

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Olga

Hey Beth,
Great comment and thank you very much for sharing what you do to stay focused……I am going to practice this technique for sure, I think is a good one!

Cheers!

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Grace

Oh, that technique sounds so good. I’m gonna try it too. :) Thank you, Beth! :)

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Virginie

Thank you so much Marie for this episode! I’m working toward my website and even started posting some things on my Facebook, but each time it takes me like 30 min before publishing it because I have the “fraude” feeling. This is so silly when I think about it. Perfect timing for the video!
I’m definately taking on the challenge! 7 days of focus toward my business without asking myself if I’m going to be able to do this!! That’s how we create Magic!
Keep up the good work! You are great :)

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Olga

Hi Marie,
Great video as always….and my news for you is that you are not a fraud……I like you just the way you are…

Ok, In my case I have recurrent thoughts of I am not going to get anywhere, that I am a failure and that I am not good enough in anything I do………. as a matter of fact I have been having these messages from my mind I think always during my life only that in the beginning they were speaking in a very low voice and at the beginning of this year the voice was so loud that I couldn’t hear anything else…….so I had a nervous breakdown and had to hire a coach……it helped me a lot and now I just do not pay attention to those voices and my intention is to get rid of them eventually………I am still getting there but I am close to make it, I can feel it………..so, my conclusion is that just because you hear sth inside your head doesn’t have to be true, and with coaching techniques you can just ignore them and see what happens……….NOTHING, none of your fears come true, so like Marie say learn to ignore them and get back to work!!!..

Cheers from Spain, trying to get ahead my Mary Kay business and also my teaching Spanish and English thing all together and ignoring consciously, all by myself but not alone since I have you guys here……

XOXO!!

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Fi Phillips

Love this post. You always cheer me up and you make sense too. When a negative thought comes drifting in, I just say ‘no’. Literally, I think or say ‘no’. It interrupts the thought and lets me get back to reality. Thanks for sharing.

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Kike Odusanya

Marie. Your information and tips are always so timely .. I enjoyed the video keep doing what you do

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Ellen (Gluten Free Diva)

I love the screensaver analogy. Simple but effective. It’s training your mind to “come back”. Reminds me of what I learned in mindfulness meditation. Breathe – the centerpiece of meditating. And when your thoughts begin wandering, come back to your breath. Sooo, come back to who you are, come back to believing that you are enough just the way you are, and that you have much to share with the world. Thanks Marie!

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Rebecca

Awesome video Marie! I still say “I’m back” out loud all the time when my mental screensaver takes over. RHH Live memories ; )

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Vivienne Fleischer

Hi Marie,

This is soooooo true! I also find that simply breathing through negative thoughts helps them to go away.

Thanks for another Q & A Tuesday Shot in the arm of the good stuff!

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Alexandra

Marie, this was exactly what I needed!

I’m moving into a new growing phase of my business and these thoughts keep popping up. This video is a great reminder to focus on what really matters, what’s happening right in front of us.
One thing I often try is to imagine my favorite successful women (Oprah, Sheryl Sandberg, and the lovely Marie Forleo!) and remind myself that they have probably had these thoughts too. If they had let these thoughts slow them down or scare them away from their dreams, they wouldn’t be where they are today.
I’m really excited to take this 7-day Screen Saver Challenge.

Thanks so much for rocking it each and every Tuesday!

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Dana

I Love Love Love this analogy! Now let’s bust a move!

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Rebekah Rotstein

Marie – you really tapped it on the head! No matter how much education, expertise, media coverage, validity or any sort we get, there will always be room for more. I love the image of the “fraud” screen saver – brilliant! It’s a matter of how much power we grant that voice.
Thanks!!
Rebekah

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Claudia

Great message. I’ve been in business for nearly ten years and still get thoughts of self-doubt. Being present in the moment is a huge help.
Your breath will get you there. Count to 4 as you inhale, hold your breath for a count of 4, slowly exhale to a count of 4, hold your breath on the out for a count of 4. takes 16 seconds and can really get you centred and back to where you are right here and right now.

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rae friis

i tend to have these thoughts while trying to fall asleep at night! not sure what “key” to push to snap out of it…. would love any suggestions!?

xo . rae

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Jessica {Stark Skincare Inc.}

Well, that was pretty much a perfect Marie video. I needed this so much, thanks!

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Timna Levy

Hi Marie,

My Name is Timna and I am from Israel, I have been following up on your tips and thoughts and It is so inspirational. I too feel always I am not good enough who would want to hear me. Finding my passion was my first step and now I don’t know how to turn the passion into a business i will love, because of all the doubdfull thoughts.
I have a note book full of ideas but the last Idea I connect the most, I have a passion to meeting people from all over the world I love travelling, I have a passion for peace and harmony and would love to create a business that promotes inner peace, breaking through to acheiving true potential. these things excite me.I would love to give this world something that is needed. After recovering from breast cancer two years ago I was gievn back my life as a present and I feel a deep thank you to God and the world we live in. I feel true love to the world we live in and if we breack through our barrieres of fear and hate especially our inner then we will all live in a better world. I know for sure that the day will come and i will have my Timna TV talking with people who believe in these things and who break through barriers in life to acheive their dreams! thank you for realizing your dream it gives me the power to believe it is possible

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Courtney

Fan-schmastic. As always.

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Melanie

So need this today. I woke up with this thought this morning. Thanks! Onwards and Upwards!

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Heather Thorkelson

A great post as always Marie, and you made me realize something for the first time. I realized I am at a HUGE advantage in this arena because I had a very bad home life growing up and never was made to feel like I was good enough. Quite the opposite. You know why that’s awesome? Because it’s made me an expert in living with those thoughts yet waking up every day and KILLIN IT anyway. I know how to live with crippling fear and doubt like it’s no one’s business and I’m certain that it’s the key to my current success and will be the key to my future great successes. Awesome post. :)

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janet graham

thanks for the reminder. just what i needed. i spent an entire day, yesterday in my negative thought and fear zone. i went into the cave, explored the depth and truth of them, wrestled with them, and by the end of the day i tired of them. today i emerge with some light to perform my active busy schedule. yesterday was painful but maybe necessary somehow. i’m not sure. but it is the process you’ve described that i get to, eventually, bringing up some light from a dark descent. maybe i don’t have to go there anymore.

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Clare Turner-Marshall

I FLIP IT!!! Don’t allow the negativity in. You have to focus on this, however you are what you think and if you are negative well that is what is going to come to you. Just remember, there is always a light if you choose to see it, never give up and you will ALWAYS achieve your dreams :D

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janet graham

sometimes what we call negativity is a call to go inward and examine. i try to flip it and succeed most times doing exactly what marie describes, substituting thoughts with action. it works. but occasionally i descend. it’s painful but i always emerge with more light. it’s a mythical journey i suppose.

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Jeremy

Marie,
thank you for this. My wife is a very powerful business coach and is speaking in front of 600 women entrepreneurs this week and this conversation came up for her last night. I know how powerful she is, so does everyone else! But, this thought always seems to come up before something big. She was so sly about it, and said it in a very slick way, but I could literally see it in her eye and hear it in the background of her voice that she thought she was some sort of fraud and people would find out! I sent this link to her, you are amazing for getting my back with her. Thank you!

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Felicia

Hey Marie,

My negative thoughts usually means I need to keep doing what I’m doing.

If I notice there is no real weight to the thought then it’s just telling me I’m on the right track.

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Yusi

Hi Marie! :) Thank you soooooooooooo much for this awesome video! I thought i was the only one who gets “I am going to get busted!” thoughts!loool
This is how I normally deal with these thoughts :
1) I read more on my field. I either get a new book or look for a useful blog/website with new information.
2) I look for and plan taking new courses/diplomas/certificate to upgrade my knowledge and keep me ahead from my competitors (and shut my “You aren’t good enough” voice)
3) I go back to my “Goals List” and remind myself about my achievements and all the things i was able to do (gives me a boost! :) )

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Desha Peacock

Self Fraud. What an awful thing. Why don’t we feel we are good enough? Well, who the hell knows and I guess it doesn’t matter b/c the more we try to “figure it out” the more attention we give it, and isn’t that your point- that we need to simply acknowledge it, turn off the screen saver and get are hot pants busy?

Last night I had the pleasure of meeting two young film-makers and watched a great documentary they made called The Dream Share Project (they interviewed people all over the US who do work they love) and they talked about Paralysis by Analysis, which means that you are paralyzing yourself by over-thinking. Answer: Take Action!

Marie, I’d love to see you interview them- they are recent grads, in love, and are making their dreams/business happen together. So sweet, just lovely, real-deal people. http://thedreamshareproject.com/

And as always, I LOVE you Marie!

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Louli

Hi Marie!

I don’t comment often but I watch u baby, you’s a-rockin. Listen, this one is a wow for me. I’m a perfectionist, former attorney and all around intellectual, so for the longest time I’ve wanted to start something new in a totally different direction for me personally (decor! design! mentoring!), but have been holding off until I was “good enough” and all those negative thoughts would cease. Um…..yea. Still waiting to start. Crickets. And you may remember our talk and how far back this goes. lol
This video is a light switch cuz I cleeeeaaarrrrly didn’t know that even someone as successful as you still has those thoughts. I just did not know.

Knowing they will never stop and I better just get on with it otherwise I’m going to waste another couple years ….life changing. The screensaver analogy…… its a life changer. Definately a wow moment.
Love you Marie. xoxo

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Lynne

This message came just in time ~ I’m getting ready for a presentation this week! And a similar message is part of my talk. Our feelings are our personal guidance system, they need to be felt and released; they tell us what needs tending (or celebrating). Feelings (whether they are anxiety about speaking or some other strong emotion) aren’t RIGHT or WRONG, they just are … ~ like “sign posts” that tell us where to put our attention (or not).

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Delaine Ross

Love this. I’m taking the message and applying it to actions I’m taking this week.

I’m using:

More present moment engagement= more focus and productivity.

I decided to go on a “technology fast.” I’m defining it as no text, phone, email, or Facebook for 5 hours (11AM-5PM,) 3 days a week.

I have been distracted by technology and it has been keeping me from being present in the moment! And has also hindered my productivity (and I’m lying to myself that it’s making me MORE productive but it isn’t!

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Rene

You’re like a genius. This makes so much sense to me. Taking the challenege starting now.
xoxo
thank you

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Terri Babers

Marie,
I love love love what you offer me and the world. This one though… I’m gonna disagree with just a tad. I won’t go into all kinds of explanations from other experts ’cause you know them all i am SURE!

But here’s the thing; While it is important not to “Fight” self-sabotaging thoughts…. it is also important to have “disengaged time.” So what really works for me and for my clients is to first spend some days: Simply Noticing the little whisper or the big shout of sabotage…..whichever the case may be; and it is kinda important to identify if it is a whisper or a shout and when and where and how it usually speaks up. Then Gently “shhhuush” thank the little bugger for it’s help, do a couple of deep gentle belly breaths, and go about your merry way with being disengaged or fully engaged or anywhere in between that you need to be at the time.

It usually takes a week of so to get that Self-Sabotaging thingy under control… and you are right! It never goes away, but is does soften up and shut up a lot faster!

BY the way, this is a good technique to sleep at night when you are fully engaged in the stuff of life when you want to be fully engaged in snoozing! Simply notice you thoughts! and label them “THOUGHTS!” take gentle belly breaths.

PS I love the screen saver idea as an induction!

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Kika

My faith teaches me to “take my thoughts captive” – reign them in and focus on what is true instead. Even if it is true that I have more to learn, that there are others with more experience than me, etc., this does not make me a fraud. It helps to always represent ourselves honestly, authentically.

Thank you (and other commentors) for sharing that even with years of experience and success you still have these negative thoughts/emotions! I wouldn’t have guessed that.

Love your work, Marie, and the humor you bring to my days;)

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Ella

I’ve been using Danielle LaPorte’s idea of finding out what you want to feel like, and then decorating your space with little reminders to do things that make you feel those feelings. My 3 big feelings are: Powerful, Sexy, and Playful. There’s no way that the negative thoughts can have power when I’m feeling those 3 emotions. <3

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Kristin

Awesome point, Ella. We love Danielle’s idea of focusing on how you want to feel!

Kristin (Team Forleo)

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Dawn Goldberg - Writing From Your Soul

I love the advice to be fully engaged… not just to turn off the self-sabotaging screensaver, but in all areas of your life…. with your biz, with your loved ones, with your recreational activities.

Thanks, Marie, for this as well the cool graphics. :)

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Kim Klassen

This is a good tip fo sure. I had a workshop to give this weekend and was trying to deal with these kinds of self-sabotaging thoughts and I always felt better when I told myself, these people need this information, I’m passing it along. Then I was off the hook, and just there to help, which makes me feel really good.
Thanks Marie :)

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Shirley Savage

Thank you, Marie! The screensaver analogy is just perfect. Staying in the present moment is the only way to silence that negative committee in my head that likes to drag me down with snippy comments.

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Shannon

This is so freakin BRILLIANT!! LOVE love love you Miss Forleo!!! xo

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Susan Drawbaugh

Marie, this was a FANTASTIC video!!! You never fail to give me a jolt of inspiration as I sit here watching you first thing in the morning! You were meant to do this, that is for SURE. Your looks, personality, grace and eloquence will take you a LONG way. Once you’re on the Oprah Show Nov. 18th you’d better be prepared to be overwhelmed with followers and more invitations from TV hosts, cuz people can’t HELP but love you! I would love to be a part of your team, and got your application. Everything was a perfect fit, until the last, tech stuff part, came up. :o(

About this video: I’ve been a humorous illustrator AND entrepreneur of products for the past 30 years – am 66 years old, and still struggle with feelings that you described. The other day it was so bad I threw myself on my bed like a 6 year old, lay there in self pity and self doubt, then sprang up and started writing down my feelings. By the time I was through I felt cleansed, and was ready to be productive again – so got busy and got to work! I realized then that that’s the answer – KEEPING BUSY – not lying around thinking the negative thoughts! To hear you verify it put a huge smile on my face. So happy I found you!!!

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Leah Binkley

I loved this video!! And I needed to hear it badly! I practiced tapping my screensaver while I was in my Biology class (My attention span was very short!) But I could actually see myself turning into the zombie with the fish swimming around me like in your video! It made me laugh and re-focus.
Thank you so much! I love your attitude and thanks for helping me today :)
Leah

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Leah Binkley

And my Bio class seemed to go by faster because I was more focused! Awesome!

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Theresa Delano

Hi Marie,
I have heard a ton of signature talks that get old after a while, but I feel that you are very unique. Your content never gets old. Even if we have heard some of your topics, you put a brilliant spin on it. Way to get over your fear and help share your knowledge with others. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you!

Theresa

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Theresa Delano

P.S. Love the belt and dress combo! Super cute! :)

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Mridu Parikh

I need this Marie! thank you!!! I need this almost every day! ;) Sometimes it feels like the more I’m doing the more self-sabotaging I’m getting — because I’m getting closer and closer to goals. And with that reality comes bad, scary thoughts!

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Lori Fox Rossi

What a great tip ! It is genius !
How could you, Marie, EVER have a negative thought about being a fraud when you come up with gems like this? I’m using it right now, and it’s working !!
Thank you, thank you, Miss Forleo !

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Sheila Viers

Being present is really the foundation of having a happy, fulfilling life I think. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to keep up and measure up, that we lose touch with what really matters in the first place — having an enjoyable life right now!

I used to be really hard on myself related to weight loss and body image. I totally had a case of the “not good enoughs.” But then I got to my goal weight and I thought I had arrived and that my life would be happily ever after. Not true! I just found new things to think I was “not good enough” about.

That’s when I realized that getting the prize, hitting the goal, achieving that thing that you think will make you feel worthy… doesn’t actually make you feel worthy. You’ve got to learn how to feel worthy regardless of the tangible/physical proof. The fact that we’re living, breathing human beings is all the proof we need in order to know that we are valuable, unique, and gifted, and that the world needs our unique gifts (as you say, Marie).

I now practice living in the moment on a regular basis. It’s tougher sometimes then others, but I just keep practicing, not for the sake of “getting there” but rather for the sake of constant improvement because it feels good to just get better and better at feeling good about myself regardless of external circumstance.

I create my own happiness from within. I focus my attention toward what I truly want for my life. I practice appreciation on a daily basis. I don’t take myself so seriously. And now, the negative nelly thoughts just don’t seem to creep up as much.

Thanks for another great video, Marie!

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Gil Jimenez

Muchas Gracias Miss Forleo for a mental obstacle I’ve had for YEARS! As I get to work today and for years to come, this strategy alone will be the reason for my future success. It’s unbelievable what a quick 5 minute video can do for someones career. God bless you and yours!
See ya at the top, YO!
Gil

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Jen

I’m taking it a bit further and am making the 7 day challenge a 30 day project. When self-doubt pops up for me, I ask myself how my life has benefited by playing small.

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Judith Timm

I once asked a producer at Paramount Pictures what was the key to his success and longevity. He was 93 at the time and had moved himself up from the mailroom to be a producer. His answer, “Just keep moving!”

Martha Graham also spoke about action.

You are right Marie. Finding Joy and Peace in each and every moment is what my website is about. It can be found and soon that screensaver is a wisp on your screen of life!

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Amy

Thank you so much for keepin it real by sharing from your own experiences and breaking it down for all! One of my favorite yoga teachers would say walk sweetly and gently with yourself and take each moment to love who you are. For me, I completely agree that reengaging and refocusing is key. One way that really helps disempower the fraud talk is to give wholehearted energy rather than pushing through energy, which fuels the fraudulent fears of needing to be perfect, good, etc. Thanks!

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Dawn

Hey Marie,

Thanks for the video. I’ve been coming to realize this more and more lately. When my thoughts start to run away with me, I acknowledge where my head is at and then get busy. I find it amazing how often it happens, but with practice I’ve been able to de-zombify much more quickly. Getting focused on a task always brings me back to a happy place.

I like what you said about considering the negative thoughts friendly reminders that we’ve checked out, but I disagree with not being able to get rid of them. By practicing gratitude, appreciation and positive affirmations I have been able replace many critical, negative thoughts with positive loving ones and it’s made a huge difference in my self-esteem. While we can’t stop them in the moment or force them away, I do believe that with time, patience, practice, and persistence we can change them to positive encouraging ones and be our own cheerleader :-)

Hugs,
Dawn

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Grace Bell

A great metaphor “screensaver” for the dredge or stream-of-consciousness that seems to pop up when walking to the podium. Like so many others I find it’s very background now after years of moving forward anyway, despite the voice(s) or commentary in the background. Questioning stressful thoughts and really zoning in on them also has assisted me in dissolving some of those repetitive internal comments FOREVER. Amazing :)

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Masha

Marie, I live in Santa Barbara!!! I wish I knew you were talking at the Lobero so I could come. :)

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Kathy

Breath.
See what is in front of me.
Feel what I feel.
I’m back.
This morning I was a draggin’ a little and then all of a sudden I thought, “It’s Q&A Tuesday! It’s Q&A Tuesday! Yaaaaaaaay!”
Love you Marie.

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Angela

Lovely video Marie!
I totally agree with your advice. Like Byron Katie would say ‘In this precise moment, everything is okay’.
Have an awesome week :-)

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hillary rubin

when my mind gets all kookalookie as I call it – I need a pattern interrupt. I stop whatever is going on and take a walk, hike, dance and change the state I am in. I talk to myself saying something like this, I give myself permission to release this and know I am here to make a difference. thanks marie, have a great RHHLIVE. xo

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Ty

OMG. I so needed this. And I totally agree with you.

I am currently working with Derek Halpern and developing a super power solution and I have these self sabotaging thoughts alot.

I actually am in the process of recording my next blog post which is going to be a 30-day negative thought fast, which is essentially what you just stated.

Disengage from the negative thought, catch it and move on. Eventually (30 days to make a habit) it will become second nature to ignore that evil tyrant.

I wrote an entire ebook on the subject that I am in the process of recording to make it entirely FREE b/c I believe this is basic emotional intelligence that every woman should have in her arsenal.

My business’ sole mission (and I take you on a mock military mission called Operation Phoenix) is to teach you to conquer that evil dictator that is running Psychological Propaganda campagins against you and liberated your true self from emotional civil uprising!

Love your stuff and can’t wait for RHH Live!

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Terry

Hi Marie: Yes, that was a great question. I thought I was the only one feeling that way. I have stopped myself from writing blogs about massage therapy and supplementation because I am not an RMT or a Natural Path Doctor.I was always scared that someone would challenge me on what I wrote. Thank you

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Jenny Labow

This is great! I am going to take the 7 day challenge! Thank you Marie!

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Yoli

whew… I’m crying.
You’re timing is out of control.
I’ve been going through a serious identity shift since the beginning of this year. It’s been tough as nails, and as slippery as an eel soaking in a vat of ___ (feel free to fill in the blank).

Thanks to you, Marie. I’m feelin’ like a felon, ’cause things are beginning to jellin’

Your communication is superb!

Love love .. kiss kiss
xo

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annamaria potamiti

Once again, Marie this is spot on!
One thing I would add, is that idle screen times of gut wrenching self-doubt is usually accompanied by (shortbread ?) cookie eating- true in most cases?

Thank you for your wisdom-I better run before my mind starts wondering if this is good enough to publish;-)

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Lacey

I was at the Lobero last week and your speech was fantastic! It was incredible to see you in Santa Barbara :)

I actually had three different self doubt/sabotage moments while I was there at the conference. I was determined to meet you and say thank you for every Tuesday for the last year and a half. But each time I saw you walking around the theater my mind would go into “Holy sh*t! It’s Marie! What am I going to say? I look like a slob…I can’t talk to her. She’s all that is woman!” and I totally chickened out in saying anything.

But after listening to your speech later on in the day, I realized that how I present myself has a huge impact on my confidence. I hadn’t bought myself anything in months because I was so focused on pouring all of my money and efforts into my business that I made excuses for it not being important.

So before the cocktail party that night, I went out and bought myself a whole new outfit. I was back and ready to take on the world! Unfortunately I didn’t get another chance to introduce myself, but I learned some critical points about my own inner monologue in the last couple of days. Next time I have a chance to thank you in person for being a kick ass lady that keeps me focused on my mission, I will!

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Lara Dalch

Funny…I was just having the same conversation with a client last week. She’s completely sabotaging her progress towards her goals with those little negative thoughts (as we all do sometimes)! My advice was to try what meditation/yoga teachers often teach – notice the thought without attaching any judgment or emotion to it…and let it float on by. I really like your focus on re-engaging with the present moment to snap out of it, though. Forwarding this to my client now. Thanks, Marie!

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Erin Castelan

Love your perspective! Thank you for being so revealed and wise. It is helpful to shift attention to something better when negative ideas flood in. Choosing a better perspective is a valuable practice. Replacing a downer thought with an activity or better idea works well to shift my focus to something that appeals to me or to something I want, (versus something I do not want). One way of dealing with the negative self-talk screen saver is this: make a better screen saver: chose a screen saver that doesn’t scare us. When the mind throws icky words into our screen saver aquarium, intermixed with colorful fish… try a quick retort, say, “Just the fish please, thank you.” (or “Encouraging Ideas, please”). Doing this along with a creative effort to notice or add something good, comforting, encouraging (an actual healing technique to shift focus to good). To replace an undesired thought chunk with something appealing shifts attention from what takes us down to what brings blissful ease to our nervous system. We do everything better when we are not stressed out. Negative ideas stress us out, (burn up our energy unnecessarily). We are capable of adding better ideas to the mind. Doing so takes discipline. To be aware and remain unconvinced of negative ideas and to choose something better, is a practice. Our experience does get better and easier over time. The mind is like a muscle – the more you use it for positive thoughts the more pleasant its idle frequency. And here is another tip: Meditation revives degrading discipline.

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Martina

Hi Marie: What a brilliant analogy!
I have often struggled with the self doubt loop, as most of us do, and you have described in a way that resonates with me. BING! Comparing negative thought patterns to a screensaver/being idle is genius! We can all relate to our screensavers as placeholders – the reoccurring image that pops up – always there but meaning very little. It is the same with our ‘self doubt loop’. Describing it in this way releases its power and shifts focus to the real work at hand. (no time for self doubt there!)
My Tuesdays would be empty without you. Thank you so much..
Martina

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Liz

Loooove this episode. When negative thoughts are preventing me from taking action in a way that I KNOW is good for my business, I often just have to squeeze my eyes shut and rip off that bandaid aka send off that email or pitch that I’m scared to put out there.

When it’s affecting my whole DAY, it’s often because I’m just having one of those days where its cloudy outside, I haven’t worked out or I’m not eating right and it’s all affecting my outlook. On those days, if going for a run doesn’t fix it, I sit down and write a list out of everything I’ve done that is a huge accomplishment / reinforces that I DO know what I’m talking about / worthy of these opportunities.

Totally agree that it’s just a mind game / screensaver though – giving these thoughts any weight doesn’t do anyone any good!

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Juliette Aiyana, Acupuncturist, Herbalist, Author, Teacher

LOL Marie, Your advice reminds me of MC Hammer’s song Too Legit To Quit. So when my screen saver comes on this week, I’m gonna go straight to You-tube to listen that joint again….Yeah I’m old skool and yeah I wore Hammer pants in High School.

“Too legit… Too legit to quit (three times)
Sweat running all over my chest (chest) i don’t quit no!
I just press harder (Yea!) than i ever did before going for
The dreams that i have in store in my mind (mind) and i know
That i’m makin it i gotta get mine and nobody’s takin it away
(No!) cause hammer don’t play that you try to get mine
boy you better step back freeze (freeze) cause
You don’t want none i hustle for my muscle and you look
Weak son (real weak) yea!… i’m goin for all that i can get
Kickin at the top cause i’m too legit to quit…sing!…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sMwFRZU1gI

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Kristen

Haha! Juliette, I love this. I’m totally going to listen to this song, too :-)

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Leelo Bush, PhD

Yea! Completely agree. It’s time to stop those “mental screensavers” and I love the technique you shared. Thanks!

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Kristen

I love this. As a brand new entrepreneuer, researching everything that needs to be done to create my online business and brand, I often feel incompetent and question if 1) what I’m doing matters to anyone 2) what I’m doing will be successful and 3) I really even know what I’m talking about. Being fresh out of college and a few months of ‘real-world experience’ under my belt (AKA working a desk job), I wonder if my passion and beliefs are enough to start a business on. But when I think about giving up, I’m just like ‘oh, hell no! There are plenty of women who feel the same as you do and need guidance and inspiration’. And even though I don’t have an audience yet, I know they exist and I know I need to help them…

Glad to know I’m not the only one after reading through some of the comments about the Imposter Syndrome. Thanks y’all – and Marie, I’m excited for B School in March! This is also a huge motivating factor. I’ve already gone through ‘Start The Right Business’ & feel so inspired. Yay!

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Martie

Great Video, especially the point you made about not engaging the negative thoughts.
Don’t argue with them, don’t try and figure out or analyze why they are there.

Don’t give them energy by focusing on them.

Just be present and objectively aware of them.

Thanks Marie

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Joanna Szurko

Haha… Great metaphor! That is so true! It it such a small world as I think I know Tamaryn, we met at the networking event. I might be totally wrong but hey… It is nice to think that London is a one big village. ;) Love. Jo

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Clare

This is the video I needed the most. THANK YOU.

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Darag

Love that analogy, Marie,

It certainly goes a wee way to minimizing the importance we give to our negative thoughts.

The key with present moment engagement though is to be engaged from your ‘true’ presence – that loving, eager, delightful part.

Darag
p.s. I’m just reading ‘The Soul of Money’ by Lynne Twist. She could be a great person to interview.

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kim jensen

“This is how we do it!”… one of my fav drag your girls out to the floor tunes.

Yes, these thoughts are just static in the ether, we are all subjest to them but they are only there for the taking, or as you said, tuning into the ‘screensaver’.

I love the mind of Byron Katie; ” Meeting as a friend each concept that arose turned out to be my freedom.”

She understood not to take ‘it all’ too seriously and met her thoughts and emotions with love, compassion, and understanding.

Thank you darling Marie, friggin love your face.
Kim

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Oliver

I always try to find a legitimate reason that outweights negative fraud thougths to overcome them or try to block them out entirely. This “tapping the key”, get rid of the screen scraver method” is a more successful response becasue it requires much less effort and is easier to apply.

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maria

THIS IS SO FUNNY!!! and True! Love the screensavers! LOL!
I want to send this video to all of my meditation students!
I totally agree with Marie, notice the thoughts and just let them go – be present and focus on what what is actually happening right now or on what you want to be happening right now. These type of thoughts are not you and as you will notice, they are generally never true.
Be true, be you and focus on what you want to do!
Love and Peace out!
maria

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Andrea

Brilliant Marie! This is sooo true! I try to avoid those screen saver moments by closing my eyes and taking a few breaths, just concentrating in the flow of my breath helps me a lot to stop those thoughts. At first they would go on, but I kept doing it and it started to work really well!!!

Just try it, close your eyes, three long conscious breaths, and then go back to work. The key is to be aware and notice when your screensaver has popped up and then establishing a habit to reengage! Love to you all,

Andrea

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Daniele Largo

Hello Marie, I love you! You’re soooo right on with this one. I have just delved head first into public speaking… and those thoughts are always trying to creep in right before I go on stage to speak. I will definitely try this exercise stay tuned to see how it goes lol.

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Divine Yoganista

NPL trick to disempower those nasty thoughts: say it (hear it) in a funny voice.
If your mind says: “you’re a fraud!” say it (or hear it) with a Mickey Mouse voice or any cartoon voice of your choice.
Chances are the statement “you’re a fraud” won’t sound so true anymore ;-)

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Karen Jaffe

Thanks so much Marie! I really needed to hear this today. I just started working in a direct services company as an independent health coach, and I was so excited because I picked up two new clients last week. That was until I talked to my coach yesterday. Her comments about how quickly she moved up the “ladder” compared to my “slow” pace really shook my confidence, and caused those “I’m not good enough feelings” to show their ugly face. I try to keep myself aware that these feelings are not real, and like you said, roll up my sleeves and get back to work.

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Susan Drawbaugh

Yea…. WHY do people have to rain on others’ parades??! When I’m faced with someone who makes a belittling comment to me it does give me a sinking feeling, but then I take time out to consider the source. Anyone with confidence wouldn’t say things like that coach said to you. I then see the person in a different light – and not such a good one!

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Jane

I would be ditching this coach! Who needs a coach who belittles rather than empowers. As i was reading your post I was thinking WOW this lady got two new clients in a week, that’s fantastic!

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Antonia Lo Giudice

Hey Marie

So true, focusing on actually trying to get rid of negative thoughts, doesn’t work, because, as you said they keep creeping in…One way I learned how to not let take control, is that I view them as positive thoughts. Sounds weird, huh? But, get this, those thoughts creep up every time I am about to embark on something new or even though it is something I have done many times over, but to a new audience, BAM, they are there. So, now, those thoughts are a reminder that I am about to take on a new challenge. Anyone who has never had those negative thoughts, probably never tried something new, took a risk. It just adds excitement to keep going. It doesn’t mean I won’t make mistakes. But, again, anyone who never made mistakes, never tried something new.

Antonia

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Karina

Antonia,
Thank you for sharing such a great strategy; the thoughts really are fear at its essence, which is bound to come up any of us try something new. It’s a reminder, not a restriction. And by staying present and embracing the risk,we actually go further.

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Julia Harris

I love the screen saver analogy. I often tell clients that the brain is like a computer and the negative habits we have (like self sabotaging thoughts) are simply a learned program that we can reprogram once we have awareness of those dis-empowering habits and belief that they can be changed.
Thanks Marie

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Karina

Marie and crew,
Thanks so much for this episode. I’ve spent the last few weeks pursuing extreme self-care and these words come at a great time. They remind me of what you mentioned in Make Every Man Want You: what you resist persists. And I’ve insisted and persisted with my thoughts of unworthiness, all to have, well, more thoughts of unworthiness. It’s about movement and flow; still waters run deep, but underneath there should always be a current. Good things happen to those who hustle, so I’ve just got to keep it moving.

Thanks for the clarity: these thoughts are just part of the human condition. I need to pull a Jay-Z and brush the self-sabotage dirt off my shoulder. The 7-Day Challenge is on. This is how we do it…

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Saba

I this message couldn’t have came at a better time. Every insight on how to overcome the negative thoughts are so correct. I remember when I was so engaged you couldn’t tell me nothing and when I was idle it was like starting from scratch to build my confidence back up.

Thank you! My favorite Q&A yet!

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Candace

Thoughts, whether they’re considered to be positive or negative, are not to be taken personally. They are simply phenomena that arise in the mental landscape as clouds are phenomena that arise in the environmental landscape.

Thoughts only become problematic when consciousness makes a “me” out of them. If we realize their impersonal nature and just leave them alone, they will have no more power over us than clouds drifting through the sky. We are the sky (consciousness), not the clouds (thoughts).

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Cindy

Great video Marie because we all deal with self-sabotage. I was in the audience at the Lobero Theatre and you rocked it! It’s impossible to believe that you were even remotely nervous. Great presentation and I have tons of notes! So thank you…thank you. When I get into doubting mode…I acknowledge the voice..spend some time breathing and then ask it go sit quietly in the corner because I have work to do…always works.
Many thanks for your wisdom….

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Jacqueline du Plessis

This is SO great. LOVE the analogy! You’re the best. Thanks Marie :)

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Sarah

Wow! I don’t know where you came from but GO GIRL! Oprah and such a great message! We are all so blessed to be spreading this Information.
What do I do with the screen saver thoughts?? I don’t make them “wrong” and I remind myself of the impact I have on humanity. The world is transforming and it takes this message getting to as many people as possible. I stay engaged with people who live with integrity and remind me of the impact we have when we follow our dreams and date to be self expressed, no matter what “life” is up to :)

Thanks for your message :)

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Sarah

Sorry “dare” not “date” lol

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BridgetJane

OMG Marie!!! You are SO AMAZING and this just HAMMERS in the NAIL that I have been contemplating of late…..!
Thank you for sharing this gem, so entertainingly, so humorously :)
I will be sure to remember this as i flex my confidence and belief muscles each day :)

xoxoxoox

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Kimberley

Loved this Marie and it is so freakin’ true (as always – you superstar you)! I flicked my mind back to the last few times I have had those negative self-sabotaging thoughts and really it came down to boredom and straying from the plan. Thanks for the great reminder to keep focused! x

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Debbie Spellman

Hi Marie,

I loved your intro email to this video (and of course the video itself which just goes unsaid!).

I was at the Lobero Theatre last week (and had the absolute pleasure of meeting you!). To hear your own self-talk which was going through your head is SO damn comforting and reassuring!

On the outside looking in, when you walked on stage I thought to myself ‘Damn, she’s confident’ ‘How does she remember all she has to say?’ ‘She is killing it! So comfortable’. ‘How does she walk so well in those damn fine shoes?’….
Your presentation flowed, your information was practical and I took so much away of those little things which really do make up the success in the long term.

I am your ‘tribe’ and your message hit home with me more than some of the other speakers. You met me where I am at and provided practical info I could implement immediately. In other words, you kicked ass.
A perfect example of why our negative self talk is just complete crap and we don’t need to listen to it.

Thanks for being real – it’s these authentic messages which keep me going. Knowing no matter how successful we are, there are some mindset issues which never go away and we just need to keep pushing through and not letting them hold us back.

Thank you
Debbie xx

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Elainee

Dear, Marie

I just want to say you have helped me solve a lot of issues, and also you are helping my Daughter also, amazing!!

Helping her is the Best thing ever!! As her mum, sometimes it is hard.

I have my new Christmas single coming out very soon and I am so excited.

” I Love Christmas Day”

I still get these thoughts and that is why I constant check all I do to stay sharp, as I feel all the time, did I miss, that, this, areeeeeeeeeeee

I love the idea of the screensaver and am doing it!!!

Oh here is my last single release, “My Batteries Dead” This has made me top 100 pop artists in the indie charts.

http://soundcloud.com/elaineelondon/my-batteries-dead-starlight-ep

Luv Elainee

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Michelle Martinez

Marie!!!
OMG!!! Your ROCK! Thanks for bringing forward SUCH a REAL subject and dealing with it is simple terms!
Love your way and style!
Thank you!!

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Niight Wind

This was exactly the pep talk I needed. I watched it this morning before doing my first story telling gig in 3 yrs. As always, thank you for your awesomeness Marie:)

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Kat Koch

Hey Marie! I’ve been tracking this same kind of thing in my yoga practice. This year I’m learning how to fly in poses like Handstand and Crow. I have a lot of strength, but I don’t always know how to channel it. Learning the pathways my strength can take to lift me off the ground takes my focus and breath. And it helps me feel whole. Long lines of energy make lifting much easier:)

I have a feeling that as I take your challenge and continue to apply the wisdom I’ve been getting on my mat the more fun I’ll have, the more access to creativity I’ll have, and I’ll be more on track I’ll be with my goals and passions. Thanks!

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Carolyn

those types of thoughts are lies that we are tempted to believe, but they are just a distraction. We just have to not dwell on them, and remember that we ARE good! It may be helpful to write down some moments that you felt really accomplished (and not like a fraud) or take photos that remind you of those moments and put them somewhere you can look at it when you’re feeling down to remind you that those negative thoughts have no weight to them.

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JoJo

I love what you had to say about doubt. For many years, I struggled with it. Working in the job developing field, I was blessed to move my way into that position without the typical education. I felt that I wasn’t good enough and that who was going to want a fashion grad to show them the ropes. What helped me to overcome doubt is telling myself “I am not limited …I am a limited edition”. I reminded myself that even though I didn’t fit into the typical mold of your average career specialist – I was even more qualified because I can share information that others cannot. In other words, I am a job and style coach all wrapped up together.

Also,I’m new to your site. I don’t even remember how I found you but, i’m glad I did. I love seeing “Marie Forleo” in my inbox because I know I going to hear something amazing that I can add to my business. I still have alot to learn about building a site and an online business but, I’m happy to know that there are people like you that can assist with that.

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Jacqui B.

Sometimes it feels like the universe is speaking to you, ya know? Either that or this topic is always relevant, at least to me. Thank you for adding to my arsenal of weapons to use against impostor syndrome (I’m getting the name from Context and Variation’s post here: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/context-and-variation/2012/08/09/impostors-the-culture-of-science-sci-foo/).

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Anne

Marie, I love the screensaver idea! Especially the graphic in the video with the fishes, which was my very first screensaver back in the eighties.
But seriously, you’re on to something powerful here.
I serve delicious meals in my French teashop (www.facebook.com/ziboinboin) and every now and then I suffer from the most horrible sabotaging thoughts: what if the customers don’t like my food? Who do I think I am charging money for my cooking skills? Etc, etc.
Your screensaver technique is spot on to get me back on track and continue cooking instead of getting sidetracked, it’s a great snap-out-of-it that works for me. Thank you so much, Marie. I always want to get up and move when I watch you, you energize me!

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Caroline

OMG – this is so right on!

I have a pretty demanding day job and I’m starting my own business in my “spare” time. I find that on the weekends, when I get totally immersed in my new business, my passion, I feel awesome – productive, like it’s actually possible, like I CAN make it work, like I am making it happen. During the week, though, when I get home from my day job and sit on the couch instead of delving into even small bite-sized bits of the new business project that I should be doing, I start to totally doubt myself. If I sit down and start working, that all disappears. It’s just a matter of making myself sit down and work instead of just sittingl

The 7 day screen saver challenge starts now. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Soness Stevens

I’m still a big 16 year old nerd with huge black rimmed glasses with her nose in a book and watching re-runs Star Trek…

…but with a TV show and on stages before audiences of 1,000+ across Japan, speaking on TEDx and TED@Tokyo and supporting others to Own Your Stage and speak from the heart.

It sucks knowing what you’ve got to say is not original anymore. (Didn’t new ideas kinda run out before Socrates and Plato?)

It’s not about the content but how you choose to show up.
Maybe I won’t connect with everyone. I will connect the *right* people.

Forleo, I love your videos! Love your screensaver analogy! You are a powerful storyteller!

Rock on frauds and keep on moving!

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Lorin

LOVED this episode, and needed it! I am starting a new business, and they keep popping up! I guess I need to get back to work now…

Thanks!

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Joanna

Love this episode! It reminds me of one of the most valuable things I learned, and that I teach my clients: just because you think a thought, doesn’t make it true. We have the choice whether or not to believe it, to focus on it, to give it energy.
Love the screensaver idea
Thanks Marie!

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Dyannebrown

I love your videos. They are so entertaining and they encourage me to infuse more of my sense of humor in my work. Thank you for that. I love the idea of self-sabotaging thoughts as the screen saver. The visual of simply clicking it off by taking action is great and makes so much sense. I’ve learned that it’s important not to make that negative voice the bad guy. It serves a purpose, but it’s also not necessary to believe it. I like to believe that the only competition we have is our own mind. I use it as fuel to push me further.

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Suzanne@DrSuzanneGelb.com

I totally agree with you about the value of being present. In fact, B4 watching your video today I had posted a blog on my website, titled, “Why It’s Important to Live in the Moment.”

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Wasim

Really enjoyed this episode.

I don’t think it’s just a ‘female thing’. I’m a guy, I feel the same and I also think that not seeing results can make us think we’re frauds sometimes because without results it feels like we’re just tinkering around.

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Erin

I love your practical advice. My mantra: “JUST DO IT!”

It’s so simple (and coined by Nike) but I have this written all over the place, so whenever I want to procrastinate or talk myself down, I JUST DO IT!

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Alexandra

Great segment Marie and awesome dress!
It’s funny a few minutes before I went on stage for my first solo show I had all this fear and negative talk but I used your sweet Josh Pais’s technique and reminded myself it was just me being human. And then despite my eye glasses breaking and the fear I killed it on stage. Every time I speak I’m less fearful and the voices get smaller. xoxo

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Jeanette Henderson

Great tip, Marie. I love this one! This “feeling like a fraud” moment sometimes happens when you ARE engaged and in the moment though…like when a client asks you a question you can’t answer or presents a problem you aren’t quite sure how to address. I think it’s in these moments that your fears and insecurities often creep in and can sabotage your encounter.

When I’m faced with this situation, it’s often because I don’t have enough information yet. Sometimes I need to ask more questions … or I tell the client I need to give my brain some time to work on the problem for them.

When I owned a furniture business, I would occasionally get a call from an upset customer. This is very unsettling and stressful to handle. I would get a few details then ask if I could call them back because I was “with another customer”… even if I wasn’t. That gave me time to calm down and formulate solutions without being put on the spot. And it gave them time to calm down as well. And, handling sticky situations in a professional way makes you feel like a professional….and not a fraud ;) And, giving yourself time to think things through before reacting can help you overcome those self-sabotaging fears in the heat of the moment.

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Susan Drawbaugh

Thanks, Jeanette! That is so true! …. taking the time to think before answering a question, even if it means giving an excuse to call the person back. Love that!

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Inge

Marie, this is so great! I’ve been struggling with depression for a couple of years now, and through therapy and mindfulness have been doing a lot better. The mindfulness especially helped, but is also something I have to keep practicing, which to be honest, I don’t. Now, with starting my own business, I still have a lot of problems with negative thoughts, worrying and basically thinking too much. I already knew I did this, but now I see more clearly the connection between the negative thoughts and worrying, and the not being present and engaged in what I’m doing in this moment (or not actually doing anything at all). It’s time for me to pick up that mindfulness book and start practicing again! But more importantly, participating in your 7 Day Screen Saver Challenge. The image of the screen saver works so well for me and I think I could really benefit from doing this. So thank you so, so much and I’ll be sure to let you know if it helped.
xo, Inge

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Nakeia

This is one of the best examples of engagement that I have heard thus far. Even better that my own.

I have been tired lately and instead of working late night after my children go to bed, I have been chillin’. This was some much needed time of rest, but I have noticed some of those old thoughts that I thought were in check creeping back up on me.

My screen saver is obviously popping up to remind me to engage in active rest.

Thanks for your reminder.

Keep inspiring!
nakeia

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Mel

Behind my computer screen hanging on the wall is a big sign that says “MOVE YOUR OBSTACLES” which I’m pretty much forced to see every day. And I love it. Everything seems to be an obstacle to me. I feel so overwhelmed with all of the things I need to do and stay on top of that I’m always feeling like a failure. I try to give up. I cry and belittle myself for not being what I always thought I’d be: another person. Somehow, I was supposed to have everything figured out by now. It’s crippling. Since adopting this motto, I see things as obstacles and it helps me focus on what’s happening NOW instead of all of the things I want to do, but can’t. I take care of the things that are preventing me from doing other things and stay in this moment. And guess what? By the end of the day, I discover that I’ve accomplished so much more by tackling the obstacles.

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Jacqueline

When I start thinking, “why hasn’t so and so replied to that email?” and assuming something’s wrong or I’m being judged, it’s because I’ve pulled out of the moment. You’re right, Marie: the antidote is to get back into the work itself and let other people be themselves, whatever that might entail.

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Dayna

I love you giving us promission to re engage into your best self. When my inside voices try’s to take over. I stop and go over in my mind all the awesome things I have done and dream about sharing. I also have friends help me get back on track with sharing my gift. Re shifting and keep telling myself that it’s not about me, it’s about make life easier for others. Looking at the big picture helps me, while being grateful.
Thanks Marie

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Mary Liselle

Great video Marie!! I would also like to add, what has worked for me, is when those negative thoughts pop up, to acknowledge that those are things that I’m FEELING, rather than who I AM. In other words, to be fully aware- as Marie said, being present- and letting those self limiting beliefs just float around me, like a mist, instead of engaging with them. When I can do this, I dissociate with them and can get back to BE-ing my true, powerful self. So I guess this is another metaphor that resonates with what Marie said. It’s nice to know we are not alone in dealing with these struggles!! :)

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Vana Feliciano

This could not have come at a better time :)
Since finding this community I have been a bit of a lurker…
I find myself fascinated by the love and sharing that go on in this community, yet something always held me back from sharing my stories.
I was so afraid that someone would “figure out” that didn’t have it all together and blah blah blah….thats the negative nancy talking…

In honor of showing that i have officially decided to move forward. HERE IAM :)

So I am taking your idea and running with it. the benefactors of this will be my creative pursuits (like my spoken words). They will come to fruition with a greater ease because i will be confident that they truly do benefit others :) vs being hung up on ‘not being good enough’ to be out there. It will also help me finally open up to this beautiful community— because I belong here and I can finally embrace that.

thanks

love you gurllllllll <3

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Leah

I am in love with the Q and A tuesday message. When I was in 4th grade. I had a problem with self sabatoge and putting myself down on a daily basis. It effected my life so much that one day the school counselor came in to talk to me. She gave a book called “Don’t feed the monster on Tuesday”. (How fitting since this is Q and A tuesday). It is about how to catch yourself thinking negatively and to change your focus. It is a childrens book but it is so important for people at every age.

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Rhonda

Hi Marie!

I’m in a career transition phase right now.. (actually, it’s been going on for a while!), so I do have moments when I feel overwhelmed with all of the decisions that lay ahead, or the different options I can explore or how to get things going. And along the way I meet people who really have their sh!t together – and I don’t. YET!

So when I feel blue, I turn to my inspiration board! I’ve clipped out all kinds of quotes and pictures that remind me to keep going and that I AM enough! Things like “Keep Calm and Carry On”, or “The Universe is conspiring in my favour” or – the essential for a procrastinator like me – Nike’s “JUST DO IT”.

It really really helps me to re-affirm the positive in my life and I suggest anyone who is feeling sluggish or ineffective to create their own inspiration board to experience the power of not only positive thinking – but positive BEING!

Rhonda :)

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Kelly Wagner

Marie – it’s so refreshing to hear you share that ‘the ‘ol self-sabotaging voice’ still pipes up for you, even at your level of success. Thanks for not only being candid and open enough to share about your inner experience as you walked onto that Santa Barbara stage, but also for the GREAT advice on how to quiet that voice! Totally true. ‘Git busy, and that voice has no time to take the stage. Love it.

Keep on rockin’ what you do!
Cheers
Kelly
@kellywagnerkw

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Ronja Venus Andersson

Mmmmmmmmmarie!! Awesome as always. And me and my boyfriend laughed our little asses off at the “Bye! – – – Just kidding :)

I sometimes get the question from people who see me taking lots of action and putting things out there, if I’m not afraid/don’t have any negative self talk.

My answer is that yes of course I do (if you’d spend a day inside my head you’d be astonished by the meanness of my mind chatter) BUT I don’t let that BS voice run the show.

Thanks for a great video! The 7 day screen saver challenge is ON!

Love,
Ronja

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Kelly Marquet

Marie,
You are such a great inspiration and such great fun to listen to. Thank you for all you are!

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Jamie Leff

Loved this! I signed up for BSchool and I’m so excited, but anxious since it doesn’t start til March! I’ve been running around like a crazy chicken trying to decided what to in the meantime… what do I work on first? What is my biggest priority? How do I decide? What if I pick the wrong one?! (Hey this might be a question for Q & A Tuesday?!) Anyway, nothing was getting done. So this week, I’ve been noticing when that happens, and am able to step away from my business and work on other things. I’ll go to the gym, or play with my dog, or watch inspirational videos… then suddenly I get inspired to work on something right then and there and I just do it! I’ve gotten more done today than I have all month and feel like I’m moving forward without letting the fear of “doing it wrong” get in the way! Whoo hooo!!! Thank you!

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Diana Timmermans

A clean and simple reminder.
I love the work you do.
Thanks again, Diana.

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Barbra Ignatiev

This is a great reminder. And so true for most work. But doesn’t always work for creative work.

When I go into screensaver self-hate land it’s usually when I feel uninspired to work. This USUALLY happens when I’m stuck creatively with a design and therefore need to step away. With the creative process, stopping that work and getting new perspective is super important. It’s all part of the process.

The trick is not to feel bad about it, which is really hard. You have to think of it as an “active break”.

I like to take a walk or else just get some form of exercise, because I tend to find a solution out in the world. Solutions pop up like little miracles. Something about the blood flow, I think. Or else do some other kind of work with the other side of the brain like marketing or bills :)

Thanks, Marie + Team!

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cynthia

Maria
Thank you for your honesty. I was there in the audience at the Lobero Theater and you rocked it! I would have to say you were my favorite speaker of the whole conference. Every speaker had much to contribute, I was so grateful for some female power at the event and I loved what you taught us and also loved that you wore heals and a gorgeous dress which shows that one can look spectacular while delivering messages. My wish is that my business can take off and perhaps I will be able to attend one of your events. Maybe even a scholarship – I so want to be able to share my message with the world as well through my book Diary of A Modern Day Goddess and, websites. Thank you so much for coming to Santa Barbara and doing your presentation.

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Dawn

Great timing, as usual! I’ve had this … the first time I pitched to a company to become their one and only demonstrator and designer those voices were screaming at me “You’re a fake, a fraud! They’re going to find out and kick you out!” … well, a 90 minute drive is a lot of downtime. But I did it anyway, I went in, became immersed in the work, and designed for them for over 4 years until they closed their doors. I’ve heard it described as ‘The Monsters on the Bus’. Sure … those monsters were on my bus, and they still are. The difference is, that I no longer allow them to sit behind the drivers seat and tell me what a fake I am. They have been banished to the back seat, and though their voices may occasionally float down the aisle to my ears, they are much easier to ignore, because I know I’m good at what I do, and the more I do it, the better I get.

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Elle

Marie!

Another great episode, and so true.

I just don’t have any time for all those negative thoughts. at least that is what I tell myself.

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Milena Pointer

This technique will change my business and my life! Thanks Marie!!

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Stephanie

I can apply this tip to my personal life right now. Not that I feel like a fraud in this new relationship, but if I let that self-doubt come about, it seems as if I don’t deserve it, it’s too good to be true, it could ruin something that never was in the first place (something we call ‘thinking like a girly’ with my friends). I’ve been checking myself for such negativity, saying Stop when they would come calling, refocusing on the enjoyment of now. The simple image of the screen saver gives it a little humoristic twist…

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Elena

Get back into your life…. Ahmmmm. Oh, yes, be mindful and present and be a positive thinker! Woman, that BS gets my goat. Tell you what I think you gotta do (unless your passion still exists) is keep busy at ANYTHING. Seriously, to shut your mind up– Clean toilets, if you must, do volunteering, walk around the block, do a few push-ups, if you have a job-put your nose to the grindstone. Oh sure…*find your PASSION*! Then what happens when your passions seem to have disappeared, down the rabbit hole! I’m older and grey and do not feel like getting gussied up or *lifted* or more educated. My pert and perky little self would like to slap people into reality. Life is not always a bowl of cherries. Yes, sometimes it can be, but mostly it’s one challenge after another. Stick out your tongue if you need to!

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Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero

OMG! What an awesome (and timely) message, Marie!!! It seems like I go through a roller coaster of self-confidence and self-sabotage. I had no idea there was a cool trick to staying in the cool zone. Love you, girl! xoxo

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Sandy Leveque

thanks for this great video Marie, really enjoyed the screensaver analogy that sums it up so well!

something that helps me with sabotaging thoughts is to ask ‘Is this mine?’ and if it feels like it isn’t I say (in my head!!) ‘return to sender’
sounds weird right?! imagine if many of the sabotaging thoughts are just us picking up on other people’s stuff? And we are so perceptive that we think it is our own thought?

Asking that question helps to clarify whether it’s actually mine, and the more I ask it the more I start to know without even asking if its mine or not! My head has become alot clearer as a result :-)

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Anna Caroline Türk

Thanks for this joyful reminder.
I love your image of the screensaver.
Will share it with my clients.

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Suzi Banks Baum

Oh Marie, I love this so much. I have played with ‘loving’ those negative thoughts, liking them, letting them stay in the neighborhood just don’t let them bully me…but your idea of them appearing when I am not engaged makes so much sense to me. Whew.
So much easier!
Thank you. I love what I learn here on the videos.
With love, Suzi

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Chiara

Simply great Marie! You really inspire me. I write for one of the major italian magazine dedicated to women. I’m going to quote you for sure! God bless you!

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Shallie Bey

Hi Marie, great post. As always, you have a special insight into the topic that is quite helpful. I think your comment about not feeling you are good enough is the root cause of the feeling of fraud and the other versions that might pop up. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Shallie

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Tobin

WOW! I was at that talk in SB and I’d have never guessed you felt that way! Thank you sooo much for your authentic share and for the awesomeness that was RHH LIVE this past weekend. Still high off it. And WOWOWOWOWOWWOW! This A to her Q was off the hizzook! I’m takin’ the challenge!

Tobin

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Veera

Awesome screensaver strategy Marie! I hope you don’t mind if I include a link to your video as an additional resource for my presentation skills students.

And here’s 106 more excuse-busting Jedi mind tricks I just bumped into before watching your video and had to share to honor the synchronicity:
Tommy Walker at http://www.chrisbrogan.com/106/

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Debi

THis is so timely. I’m the author of two fictional books for kids going through puberty, and one recently one an Interntional Readers Award. I’m about to write another book on allergies and yet I’m always self doubting that I’m actually a ‘real’ author. It took a dear friend to shake me around a little and say ‘Your on Amazon, you’re an author’ + a few more expletives. But her point being, that even though I may not feel like an author, I am an author and that’s pushed the writing button within me to continue.
Thanks Marie.

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shinazy BOBBblog

Being ENGAGED . . .

LOVE the screen saving image and the technique to return to being ENGAGED.

My Screen Saver is to snap my mind to the GOAL.

I even cut out a photo and pin it to the wall so it is visible.

So, thank you for the two screen saver ideas:

ENGAGE and GOAL

Yes, I feel better already

Enjoy!

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Joe

Hi Marie,
Great metaphor with the screen saver.!
Mindfulness is such an important skill to have in life, it is something I practice regularly to help myself not feel overwhelmed with work and ensure I don’t waste my time on things that don’t matter (such as anxious thoughts).
It is important to understand that we are not our thoughts. What we think and feel does not define who we are.
Great vid!
Cheers.

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daphna

very cool advise. would like to see more on that subject.

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Yasmine Khater

Hi Marie

This is something I can relate to, Im preparing my first TEDxWOMEN talk in Barcelona and its title Money Makes the World Go Around (NOT). The main thing is that women are always giving excuses just because they feel they are not good enough.

I love your screensaver metaphor, its awesome. If I use it in my talk I will give you credit for it.

Your awesome

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Nicola Jones

Love the screensaver analogy- humour makes the lesson memorable and no matter how often we are nudged about staying present we always need to be reminded. Thanks for relating it to the whole “fear of fraud” idea- it is so important to know: We are and have always been enough.

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Lakeisha

When I get those self doubt moments I try and visualize something fantastic going on in my life and/or that I have achieved. It helps to snap me out of those doubtful moments.

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Jane Frankland

Marie,

I loved this episode & could relate to it. I also found it refreshing to hear that you still have things like this going on inside your head! I found your advice really useful as I’d always been trying to push beyond the fear of self doubt in a different way. The way I’ve been dealing with these moments is by letting my other ‘nurturing’ voice speak. It tells me that I can do it & that I am good enough…to believe in myself. I’ll see what a difference doing it your way makes though.

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lents

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zeta

I think it is so funny that you people think you are actually talking to Marie Forleo and that she is actually reading your comments and is going to respond. Talk about being a fraud….all these fake coaches and gurus who say they give a damn about anyone except their own bottom line.

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Benjamin

It’s a shame you feel this way Zeta. I don’t know Marie, the first time I heard of her was today, but I do know several high profile professional coaches and can verify that, as much as is practical, they do read their comments and regularly respond to commenters personally if they contact leave details.

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zeta

Shame on me? I don’t think so. Do you see one comment on this page from her? There are always exceptions to the rules and the coaches you mention may be that. But Marie Forleo is not. She doesn’t even try to be present by replying even some of the time.

Another fake tactic, every “Take a question Tuesday” episode (or whatever she calls it) on her web tv starts with “Oh that’s a great question. I experience the exact same thing and what I do is _______.” Tried and true sales technique of “feel, felt, found” employed to manipulate the prospect into buying.

In their attempt to help as many people as they can, these celebrity coaches lose any sense of real connection. It’s too bad as the social aspect of the internet makes it pretty easy to connect with one’s followers.

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Benjamin

No, I didn’t mean shame on you, I meant it is a shame.

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Benjamin

By which, I mean, it is unfortunate and it would be nice if you didn’t feel like that.

Benjamin

I’m a hypnotherapist from the UK and I’m always looking for good metaphors and processes that can be incorporated into my hypnotic processes and hypnosis sessions – this one is definitely going to get added to the mix!

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Jose

OMG! SMH!
This was awesome! Omg! What if people see me as a fraud! GASP!

I wish I would have seen this 2 years ago. But I am glad that I saw it today. exactly what I was needing! Thank you!

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Gwendolyn

Hey, Marie! I’m preparing for a concert, and I spent a lot of time this week freaking out that I felt unprepared. I started feeling more peaceful in the last couple of days because I have just been so immersed in the music. Your tip puts into words what I have been discovering. Thanks SO MUCH for this challenge! Challenge accepted – the concert is in 8 days, so no time to mess around!
Yours,
Gwendolyn

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Natalie

Hi Marie, I’ve been going through your videos today and just wanted to let you know that I think I can call you one of my angels. Like a sassy business angel. This video really woke me up to the way I’ve allowed myself to stay in wallowing thoughts and hang out there for no good reason. I am now staying engaged & immediately realised the difference “click click”

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