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Are People Around You Holding You Back?

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Yesterday I went to a live taping of the Letterman show and got to see my girl, Lady Gaga in person.

She was sweet, funny and as usual, unapologetically her.  Not surprising that she’s now the most popular (and one of the highest earning) artists in the world.  Did you hear she crashed Amazon’s servers yesterday with her new album release?!?  Crazy pants…

One of my favorite things that she shared was how she dealt with years of rejection before anyone gave her the time of day.  An incredible lesson for us all in perseverance and determination.

Speaking of making your dreams come true, do you ever feel like you’re outgrowing your relationships?

I mean, how do you handle the people (friends, co-workers, family even) who are uncomfortable –or even seem to dislike — the newer, more enhanced version of you?

We all have a fear of “leaving people behind,” but what do you do if people really seem to be holding you back?  Watch today’s video to find out my take on this often difficult subject.

Got feedback?  I’d love to know…how, specifically, have you handled people who were uncomfortable with your growth?  What worked and what didn’t? Share your ideas, and stories below.

P.S. SAVE THE DATE!  We’ve starting the hard core planning of Rich Happy & Hot LIVE in NYC. If you’re not yet on the hot list, jump on it and be the first to get our entire list of speakers and registration information the moment it drops.

Marie Forleo

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Read the comments or Add yours

Eleanor

Wow, this was amazing timely – I feel like I’m in sonic-synch with these Tuesdays you do…
What I’ve done is to try to realize that I might be “outgrowing” some habits and people, but try to be understanding about their feelings. At the end of the day, though, [and I'm quoting you here] I can’t shrink to fit or else I’ll make everyone including myself miserable.
With family members, a sense of humor helps. My mother just sent me an ‘all-run-together-?s-statements-?s-you-can-feel-the-stress-e-mail-without-even-reading-it’ e-mail and I just picked up the phone and had a laugh with her about putting some “breathers” or spaces between thoughts so the poor little words didn’t suffocate.
Thanks Marie!

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Rachel @ Musings of an Inappropriate Woman

I liked your response to this question, Marie – when I first started watching, I feared you were going to say something like “Kick those losers to the curb.”

I think most of us have felt “held back” or unfairly defined by the people around us at one point or another – it’s frustrating, and I know when I’ve felt it, I’ve been tempted to shed my skin, move on, create a new life and a new “me”.

But I also think it’s important to have some self-awareness in all of this.

Sometimes our friends are stuck in old frameworks and have us all wrong; other times they’re calling us out on crap we really should be paying attention to. As you say, it’s important not to be a “spiritual snob”.

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Rebecca Johnson

I am facing this circumstance in my life RIGHT NOW! Thank you for the visual of you being held back by…NOTHING. I laughed out loud…recognized that I have been DOING that…and now I don’t necessarily know what to do instead…but I am sitting with the awareness that I am not a victim to people in my life who are “holding me back”. I feel overwhelmed about what that means though. I have to change things for me…and i am not sure what to change or how to go about it. First step is awareness though…so thanks for the kick in the pants!

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Jenn Burton

Got love me some Marie! This is also such a great reminder for dating and romantic relationships. Really enjoyed the point about not being a spiritual snob. It is super easy to feel like we have all the answers, but the truth is there is no one size fits all life spiritual outfit. Hugs to you Ms. Forleo!

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Pippi Hepburn

The friends and family that do their jobs then meet up for dinner and drinks, I just meet them less often. Some of them respect me totally, because they see I must work harder, and I escaped the “job world” which they know me from. The ones who complain that I need to hang out with them more, first I tell them I went out with other friends, so now I need to work and will meet you another time. These people usually stop calling you. I respect their lives and they must respect mine. Still love them, but love myself and my work more. You be happy first, then everything falls into place.

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Maryellen Smith

Great answer to the question Marie. We are the only ones that hold ourselves back and not victims of other people’s actions, thoughts or judgements.

Thanks for having the balls to mention the “spiritual snob” phenomenon. That’s something I’ve noticed for a while and didn’t have a term to describe it. It’s another version of someone always being right because they’re quoting the Bible and equally as obnoxious.

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Lora Sasiela

So needed to hear this today. I think it’s easy for us to think that there is something “wrong” or “bad” with us because we want to let go of certain relationships that are no longer serving us. Thanks Marie for addressing this in your usual insightful and entertaining way. xo

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Nathalie

I was just feeling a bit down from the negativity my friends showed towards their lives and the changes in mine. Your Q&A was soooo what I needed to hear right now. While I can’t change my friends, I can change the way I react to their comments (aka no need to defend myself but just telling them it’s the way I feel best). Next time, I’ll try some good laugh as Eleanor suggested, I bet it works wonder
Thanks!

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RK

Marie,

Thank you for this vid today. Love it. It is honest and just refreshing…actually relieving is more the emotion that is accurate right now. Just, thank you.

Warmest,

RK

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esteemedgirls.com

This was my thought this morning. I have so many people around me that do not understand what I do. But I know I was once like that. So many things hold people bac, so many of us live in reality-The reality is that it is impossible. I tend to keep silent work my way up. I do not share much, I avoid talking. I take action and I am learning to be compassionate. So many people do not think they can make it and they do not think you will make it. If we make it we break barriers and we become the torch that they needed. Thanks for the message today girl it was right for me.
Grace

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akane

Looking for the “like” button. A while ago I was depressed because I too, am making some very big sacrifices and cannot afford to be weighed down by the types of people you just described. I’m compassionate, but I did have to leave a few “behind” and have also learned to keep what is precious to myself. It’s hard to be in that place where you have not broken through the barrier, but if I may, I would like to say “when” instead of “if” for both of us so that we can indeed pass the torch on.

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akane

Note to self: check dates. I’m rooting for you, and for me, and for all of us!

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Ashli

Thank you!

My favorite: “Take responsibilty for who’s in your life and the impact you allow them to have.” While it’s easier said than done, I think it’s valueable to understand that it’s within your control.

Well done!

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Anna

Here is a tweetable quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

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Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady

The timing of this video is uncanny as I have been working on this myself in the last few months. Good advice and really relevant to my life right now.

I loved the part about “being a spiritual snob”.

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Desiree E.

thanks for sharing…just what i needed to hear today :)

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Mel

This is superficial, but Marie, where did you get your shirt? I love it.

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grasie

Hi Mel,

As Marie’s personal stylist and friend I can answer that! lol ZARA!!!
Which is seriously DA BOMB.COM!

xoxo
Grasie

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Mel

Thanks <3

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Deb Hill Health Coach

Thanks, Grasie! Love Marie’s outfits. Very professional and pretty. I especially love the one dress in “Is Your Business a Homewrecker…”
Looking forward to more great Marie topics and the stylin’ from both of you.
Deb

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Stacey - Midwife for Your Life

Hey Marie!

Like Rachel, I really appreciate that your advice didn’t focus on the people who haven’t been supportive of Gina, but on *her response* to them.

When I have a negative judgment about someone else, I’ve learned to come up with at least three genuine and specific examples of how I have also transgressed —how I have been unsupportive, careless, or unappreciative — in my relationships with others.

Once I admit that, it’s much easier to have compassion or patience with those people in my life, but more importantly, it’s easier to see that my bad feelings are not about them, or their support or lack of it, at all. They’re about me. Usually the real cause of the bad feelings is that I’m not valuing or appreciating myself enough.

Thanks again for a great post!

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Kristin

Love it. So true! Especially when family doesn’t understand what you’re doing or where you’re going…..it’s important to remember that they don’t need to understand. Only you can decide if you need their approval or not, and if you’re going to believe their skepticism or not. When you want to make big changes, join a mastermind group of likeminded people who are doing the same thing. Then you can go to your group for support and maintain your family relations without the need or expectation of their support.

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Erin

Ha ha ha ha!! Marie! You crack me up! I love you! Cannot wait to meet you! On a side note, your skin is amazing!! Any skin care secrets you would be willing to share?? (Do you, you know…b_t_x?)

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marie

Hey Erin – thank you so much. My only skin care practices are a lot of green juice, water, exercise + happiness :)

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Lisa

Hey Marie,
Do you have any specific green juice recommendations?
ie: links, sites, recipes?
Thanks! Lisa xo

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Danielle

Great video Marie!!

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Emily

This is SUCH A GOOD VIDEO Marie!! Love it!

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Kristina Smith

I think it’s important to remember where you came from and who helped you move there. People around you should understand that when you keep growing, that means you will be moving on.

I think it results in bitterness, but what’s important to remember that your success has a direct impact on theirs.

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Laura Hagan

Every now and then those feelings creep up with me too! I’ve found it’s really helpful to have a “buddy” who is on the growing path with you. For me, it’s my brother. We’re both always on the lookout for each other! He pushes me when I’m down, and I push him when he feels that way too. It really helps if you have someone you can talk to about your growth. Some one you can be honest with who can handle the truth! (In my best Jack Nicholson voice)
As always, thanks Marie!
Go Marie Go! Look at Marie Go!
;) Laura

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Jenn Morgan

Great energy shift around that question! Allowing relationships to change can feel really scary and like people are either with me or against me… really it is just me becoming aware of something in myself… Love your take on this and LOVE the theatrics! You are so hot!!

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Erin

I recently had to “cut ties” with an old boyfriend-turned friend. I know, I know… that was never a good idea. He claimed we were just friends, but everytime I turned around, I would be in trouble for something I didn’t know I did, or he’d be mad that I was going out with my girlfriends. It ended pretty ugly, but I realized what you said: I was letting myself be the victim.

Since then, I still wonder how he is, but I feel freer to pursue my creative and goals without having his scrutiny, or his approval. :) Yay independent woman!

Also, I really appreciate what you said about not being a spiritual snob. I recently had a young blogger approach my jewelry shop, wanting free items for a blog giveaway. I checked out her blog, but was horrified to read huge hateful posts condemning others for their lifestyle choices. I told her that, among other reasons, I could not support her blog by having my items associated with views I couldn’t reconcile to my personal beliefs. She proceeded to harass me, condescend to me, and judge me for my beliefs for a week straight. The things she said were just awful; she was SUCH a spiritual snob; “she was so right, and I was so wrong”. The kicker? This girl is 14 YEARS OLD! Where are her parents?

I think this would be a good question for Q&A – what is proper online business etiquette? There is a lot to cover, but I think with the ease of “creating your own business online” being more and more accessible to younger people, it’s something I feel needs to be addressed.

Sorry for the long response! I loved this video and resonated so much with it! Thank you!

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grasie

Girl, first off YOU LOOK FABULOUS! That top pops on camera! and the necklace! UH HUH YEAH!

OK, love this VIDEO!!! and per usual, your timing is perfect. I realized yesterday that a friend of mine, who I love dearly, has been out of my life for a bit. It happened because we were very much on the same path for the first 2 years of our friendship but then our paths (goals, love lives) changed. We unofficially took a “break” from each other because I realized it would be better for me at the time. It wasn’t dramatic at all, I just distanced myself from her for a bit. Well, a year later our paths are positively similar again…YAY! and we are starting to re-kindle our friendship. This was all unspoken and just sort of happened. The timing all feel into place.
I think it’s important to remember we all have stages in our lives…sometimes those stages mix well with others, sometimes they don’t. Either way, do what’s best for YOU! word to your muther. LOVE YOU GIRL!

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Kelly

I think of this as a time to get reacquainted with myself. With the loss of relationships comes the shattering of the “egoic” self — because we form attachments that we believe are our identity. In this time of solace, I’m getting to know the version of me that will be the friend to new like-minded individuals. If I’ve changed, then certainly I will attract friends and partners who are better suited to me now. We are always evolving whether we consciously choose to grow or not. Since this is a conscious effort on your part, choose anticipation rather than the pain and frustration of separation.

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Susan

The timing of this video is perfect as I have been deal with this issue awhile. I feel like the struggling Marie sometimes and the video made me laugh until I cried. How can you be SO funny and So smart at the same time? I am still laughing . . . THANK YOU for helping me see the humor in such a difficult situation. I need to love more, keep my sense of humor and remember that my loved ones are on their own journeys as well.

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Kelly Ann Taylor

Love, Love, Love this!
I encountered this at first, moved past victim
and realized that sweetness and love, yes, does prevail!

Yep, whether we even believe this about ourselves or, NOT, we are leaders!
Even if fledglings, and many people are watching, like the silent bloggers who don’t comment on your blog but read it nonetheless….=). And they even if just a tad jealous, really want you to succeed so they can then start to BELIEVE!
This forges a path in any area of life where you go before your fellows……

It’s true and thank you for making the cool video!

Love the special effects…..
XO!

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Laura Roman

When you grow and become healthy everything changes. People may not like the change…when a crab gets lifted out of the bucket, the other crabs clings to his claw, not wanting him/her to leave the bucket. If other “crabs” are holding you back…just ask yourself, which do you like more, the sunshine, or the bucket of stinky crabs?

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Erin

That’s so true! My friend from Mexico calls it “Mexican Crabbing.” I teach that to my clients. It’s so strange and quite a phenom. But when a person changes, it automatically has us look at our selves. And the mirror goes up really without anyone doing anything. People question what they are doing & if their path or the way they think is “right.” They will defend their current beliefs mostly because the new one challenges their parents language. And, therefore, will wonder, “what makes you think you are so special, things should be different for you?” It is not necessarily on purpose, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Fascinating!

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DAMIEN

LOVE IT MARIE! Great video.

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Stephenie Zamora

Haha, LOVED the little blip of you being “held back” and the crew telling you that no one was holding you. Awesome visual point! xo

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Richard Glover

Marie,

This is great stuff. Not only do I think your message is spot-on, but I really appreciate how you deliver it. I’m a public speaking coach, and I was *just now* working on some video about dealing with the fear of public speaking. One of the things I was talking about is how important it is to be authentically *you*. You are an absolute master of that. Every time I watch one of your videos, your energy and authenticity are evident. You don’t shy away from your personality, and it really makes your delivery shine.

I know this is a little off-topic, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate seeing that example in the stuff you put out. I’m not exactly your target demographic, but I find a great deal of value in what you have to say regardless. Thanks for that!

Cheers!

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Kim Patron

I loved your video & thank you! All great comments too. My take is this: people are in our life for a reason, and our reaction to their reaction to us is telling us something about OURSELVES that we need to look at. As you work on yourself, somehow the people in your life come along too, and the ones who are not in sync w/you will naturally fade. UNLESS they are there to teach you something, likely deep, about yourself (the ‘mirror’ thing).

Kim Patron’s first blog Got Soul?

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Kelly Ann

Marie!

Great advice – for all relationships ~ family, friends, business, and LOVE! It is not about them… its about YOU!

It was hard to see relationships leave, but there was something always better to fill the space. So, if anyone is afraid to let go, just have faith something more in alignment with you will fill their place.

oxox
Kelly Ann
http://www.ireturntolove.com/1/post/2011/04/5-things-for-after-a-breakup.html

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Terry Crowe

Great topic. I think we all want to listen to this post and think “wow, what a co-incidence. This post is perfect for me in particular because I happen to have someone in my life that is really holding me back!”

Well, it’s nice to think that we are special and that Marie somehow knows us and our situation… but the truth is that’s life – for everyone. We all have people in our lives that are not helping us move forward and some perhaps even very much holding us back.

It’s tough, but we gotta take care of our success. Sometimes it means talking to the people around us and asking for their support, sometimes it means moving on to a place where that person doesn’t have access to us anymore on whatever level necessary.

Truth hurts. But the truth will set you free.

Thanks, Marie.

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Cindy

Good word Marie! Another aspect of this entire thing is that when we do some changing, all of our relationship dynamics start to change too…and some people are surprised by change! Or are uncomfortable with it…I love that you keep “the love” in it…if we reassure the people in our relationships that we still love them, it’s just “change going on” they might become avid supporters and fans of our growth!

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Liz DiAlto

This advice is always right when that feeling creeps up that you’re not aligned with someone anymore. I was hardcore outgrowing my ex boyfriend and as soon as we broke up it was like someone unclogged the faucet that my energy was flowing out of…6 months later I’m in a different city, have a better job, and I met a new guy who’s amazing, supportive and much more of a partner, much less of a burden. Hi Yo!

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Nadine

This is so timely for me right now.

I have spent the many years friendless and very lonely and depressed about it because of social anxiety issues.

Well i recently set up a meet up group for women like me (social anxiety issues etc) and have been going out. 3 weekends in a row! Unheard of for me.

Well, my mother has been trying to make me feel guilty about it.

And yes, my first stance was to feel like the “defensive, angry victim”. Then I realized that this is a huge change for her. She has been used to me being one way my whole life, now I am changing.

But I had no clue of the best way to approach this issue so that we both come away happy and no one had to feel guilty or be the “victim”.

I have decided to write her a letter about how I have felt all these years and how much happier I am now, and that I hope she understands my need to grow and change. And that change doesn’t mean I am somehow becoming a worse person, or will turn into some kind of alky bar fly(!) (which seems to be her fear!).

I am just becoming a better, happier version of who I am which, in the long run, will benefit everyone around me.

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Michelle Galatoire

Loved your response, Marie! You always have a insightful and practical way of addressing the question, while allowing the reader to look inside for opportunities to shift and expand!

And I especially loved your ‘warning’ about the very human tendancy to feel superior or more enlightened than others as we experience our own growth and expansion – how we want everyone else to jump on board! But we are all on the journey and all moving along our path at our own perfect rate and rhythm.

blessings,
michelle

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Erika Harris

I love these vids! Sassy, fun and spiritually golden. Thank you, Marie!

As for the great growth question. The other day, I don’t know why, I was thinking about dog whistles. I’ve always been fascinated how their range of hearing is so different from ours, and they can hear frequencies we cannot. And the fact that their ears can pick up notes much higher than ours can, is just an objective fact having everything to do with vibratory resonance, and nothing to do with snobbery.

I think sometimes as people/entrepreneurs, we can grow in ways that change our frequency to such a degree that we simply can’t be heard anymore by some people. C’mon, haven’t you ever passionately shared from your heart to someone close, only to have that person glaze over in disinterest as if you were prattling the most boring Martian? Not fun. But also not a show-stopper. Thanks for highlighting that in such an uplifting way!

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Heather Thorkelson

This is a great vid and I want to touch on something that no one has really mentioned in the comments yet. Marie refers to relationships having a beginning, a middle, and an end. The end doesn’t always mean death, or a romantic relationship ending. Sometimes you actually have to “divorce” a friend and I see a lot of people who just won’t go there even though it really would be best. I had to do this with my longest running friend whom I’d known since I was ten. (32 now) It was hard, and it sucked, but the ONLY thing keeping us friends was a long history. Not even consistently good history. But we grew up and totally grew apart in the most extreme ways. She became like poison to me. I would dread having to hang out with her, finding out things like months after the fact that she had lied to me about major events in her life while everyone else knew the truth. It wasn’t good! It was crazy! And when I initiated the ‘break-up’ she flipped and said I was the most important person in her life and how could I do this etc. I said to her that if she felt the need to lie to me so regularly, then obviously *I* was not a good friend for her to have. I was clearly bringing out some insecurity or something, so how is that healthy? I hope someone here knows what I’m talking about. But I have to say, post-breakup I have never been happier. Moving away from the ‘crazy’ and the negativity freed up so much of my energy and love to put into people and relationships I have created as an adult and with entirely different selection criteria. Sometimes friendships need to be let go in order to move forward, even if it feels awful to do it. Thanks for this post Marie. :)

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Karen Christensen

They {whoever “they” is} say you are the reflection of the 5 people closest to you. Tune in to what frequency those 5 peeps are vibrating at and you’ll get a good indicator of where you’re at {or where you were}. As we start to grow, our frequencies expand. If the people closest to you represented who you were a while back, it may be time to lovingly detach and change the rolodex.

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buff

I loved your answer today and your fearless mention of things like “spiritual snobbery” and “death” and Dr King’s wisdom.

Life is a game of push and pull. Realizing that we are sometimes up and sometimes down, ahead of some, trailing others … in our quest to reach our personal goals … is really helpful in terms of keeping everything in perspective.

It can be painful to move forward on one’s path when someone close to you is not on the same wavelength. But speaking from personal experience, I’ve been working on deepening my understanding of the reality that maybe that learning to embrace and allow the differences (no matter how great), with love and compassion, is actually part of the challenge, part of the growth and part of my personal labyrinthian journey.

We’re all connected.

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Tina

Thanks for the reminder! There is a difference in leaving behind and moving in different directions…

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lorraine

Great msg Marie! I particularly liked the reminders to take persona accountability and to not morph into a spiritual snob. One of my successful tactics has been to invite those I want to maintain a relationship with, into settings and situations in which they will be interacting with and introduced to others who are thinking where I am – in a bigger way. Sometimes hearing some of the messages from a new person breaks through the paradigms they have associated with me and gives them new insights.

And for those people with whom I feel weakened or defeated after being together, I no longer schedule time with them as it is not good for either of us.

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Elizabeth

Wonderful video! Big synchronicity for me. Love what you do! Keep it coming!

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Sharon M.

Good timing, as I’m going through a divorce. Some people “friends” seem to fall away while others stick in supporting me during a sad time. It’s important that I put myself first. (I figured that one out myself after crying in front of someone I didn’t mean to.) What you say in this video really empowers me personally and for the sake of my business, and I appreciate it more than words can express. Thank you.

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Cathy

I just ‘let them go their way’ and I continue on my way. I am more committed to my growth journey than the need to stay in specific relationships. The relationships that we need will be on our path as we move forward.

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Colette

Marie, that is so true! Whenever any if us go in new directions things ARE going to change. Sometime these unknown changes and their organic effects on people around us are a little scarey cause we cannot control all aspects of success, failure or other peoples responce. I’ve noticed If I am authentically being myself and following my dreams, no matter what the outcome with people or business, life starts to flow. I can see myself clearly and like what I see.

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Michelle Vargas

It’s funny, I edited this video (I’m marie’s video gal!) and only just realized (through reading all of the lovely comments) how important this advice has been. I had asked Marie this question myself MONTHS ago and recieved this very advice, but through reading everything here and seeing how so many others deal with this, my half-opened eyes are now WIDE. 

I recently told a friend that I would be speaking at a high school this fall to 100 students, and being compensated! And I shared with her that that was something I wanted to DO. Like, all the time. Her face scrunched up, and she said, with all the disdain she could muster, “YOU WANNA BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER?!?!??”. Without thinking, I replied, “YES!!!” and then felt angry with her and embarrassed by the exchange for the next week. What was a revelation to me was a shock to her system and I wasted a lot of time brooding over it. I know it’s a work in progress, and always will be, but this approaching everything with compassion stuff is truly kick-ass. I’m glad to be able to reframe that conversation, if only in hindsight, and remember it in future. <3 M

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Christina Morassi

Oh, man… You must be videoing my life right now!

This is THE THING that is working me deeply this week. I have an old friend whom I’ve grown apart from who has been giving me a nice healthy guilt trip as of late.

Thanks for your beautiful response on so many levels!

I LOVE when the Universe provides. :) Thanks for being the channel!

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Razwana

Reason, season of lifetime …. so true

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christina

Wonderful post.

To rip a page from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way (that’s a metaphorical rip not an actual rip), I choose not to share details about the process/thing/work that excites me with anyone except my biggest supporters. I have a mental list of those people and I share my excitement with them and only them. I don’t elaborate too much when others who are dubious about my decision start to pry too much. And I often change the subject. :)

Protect yourself, protect your energy and enthusiasm and don’t let naysayers stand in the way of something you truly believe in.

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Krista Kubie

…”protect your energy and enthusiasm”…
So key. I agree with you, christina.

Marie, thanks again for all the great advice.
I really needed this one. :) peace.

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Kirsten Simmons

I’ll second the agreement on this one. My aunt hears my ideas as soon as I have them, my parents get them AFTER they’ve been successful. Works like a charm – I get support, they’re proud, and I don’t have to listen to their gloom and doom predictions.

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Hillary Rubin

Love this…. no victim at all! Funny, I find when we say we are being held back from someone we are actually giving that person power over our choices. No one can hold you back unless you let them. No one can make you unhappy, unless you let them. No one can hurt your feelings, unless you let them.

Love this video and happy I watched it… xo

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Carol Galanty

Hillary–very well put. This makes me realize that I need to shift my mindset. I’ve been playing the victim role without even realizing it in my own marriage!

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Llyane

I loved this, Hillary, thank you for it! :)

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Irene Gutteridge

“EVOLUTION IS AN ACT OF COURAGE” Ron Hurtz (founder of the Hakomi Method)

It takes courage to change our tribes and know when it’s time……..happy evolving everyone!

Irenexx

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Kimberly Cain

Rockin’, Marie!

This kind of message is SO important for people because, as we grow, this is just a very natural (SUPER natural, as you say) part of it. Women often feel guilty about allowing others to go their way, feeling like we’re doing something wrong if we don’t stay attached to friendships that are feeling heavy or “holding us back”. The realization that we’re holding our own selves back brings such freedom. Those people can teach us that.

I recently decided to no longer engage with a person who continuously pronounces fearful judgments on me & my work. I love her, but in order to best love myself, I want to spend my energy elsewhere. Maybe we’ll flow together again one of these days – maybe not. Just freeing up the energy to move & flow in new ways is liberating.

Thanks for the echo!

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Llyane

Kim, thanks for the validation.
Me too I just decided today, not to let anyone who is judgmental to be important in my life. Sad when family “pronounces fearful judgments on me & my work”. Hard pill to swallow..

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Jill

Hear! Hear! Pass or fail, succeed or not, it’s all on me! I am the cause of my life’s actions and outcomes. And that’s alright by me! Cha!

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Dawn Breslin

Perfectly put! Thank you ….

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Karie Hill

Dammit, Marie! Your video has shut down the pity party I was throwing today. I literally laughed out loud and had to show one of my girlfriends your subject line. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Great advice. I love that you teach so much more than business. xoxo.

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Beverly

Thank you Marie! This keeps popping up in my life from leaving NYC to move to Paris through my current path here in Italy. I got it-especially the displacement of responsibility. You are so right on about letting go and moving on! Keep working it, Marie!

Have a great day, Bev

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Susie Beiler

I just love them up :) I find a heart connection and pour out my love for them if they want to receive it. They are usually more fearful than I am, so if I can connect with their heart… Love dissolves all fear :)

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Lynn Kuo

Thanks for this excellent video! “Spiritual snob”. So great. “Lead through love and compassion.” Perfect.

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Dakota McKenzie

Oh god, this is SO key! Things are starting to take off for me and the first thing I notice is that a lot of the people in my life are acting weird. Finally I realized why.
What to do? Well, the main thing for me has been maintaining and spiffing up the nice re-wiring in my brain that tells me I CAN DO and AM WORTH and REALLY ROCK! Stoke up that self love and realize they want it too and love them for that.
Then polish up my NO! Period. NO apologies. Those to letter are a single sentence. You get the idea.

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Dan Nuckolls

GREAT VID!

You know the truth and it’s fantastic that you pass it on!

Dan

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Courtney

Marie-
Loved your answer! It was so different than what I expected, and so funny, funny, funny. Thanks for the lift today! I’ve recently made some changes, including shifting away from people who aren’t what I need in my life (and therefore, I’m not what they need either!). I look at it as, we are still “friendly”, I’m still “friends” with some, we just aren’t “close friends” like we were. But it doesn’t have to be a painful, all-or-nothing event in each case. People grow–and I appreciate your intelligent, humorous spin on it!

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Kat Fulton

This couldn’t have come at a better time! Crazyness just happened with some of my peeps, and I had to learn to grow from that, too! All is good now, but during the process, it felt like I was lost, confused, and didn’t belong. Like I didn’t BELONG. That was harsh. Now I realize that I was making myself not belong.

(Oh yeah) Thanks for your insight, Marie =)

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Tea Teirlynck

Timing is PERFECT for my eyes to view this video.

I was just sitting in my office asking myself:

Which 20% of my friends are causing 80% of my desired relationship happiness?

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Llyane

hmm.. this is an awesome way to put it.. thank you!

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Amanda Willett

Love this, you rock!! Always timely and appropriate SHINE on!!

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Carlo

Staright from the Hip…….Awesome! As always, great advice. Wow, i found myself watching my inbox for your Q&A Tuesday Video link!
It’s not about Where you are Today, but Where YOU Want to go Tomorrow..
Carlo

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Rachel

Love, love, love this! I think it’s really easy to see yourself as a victim when you’re changing and you feel like others are staying the same, but it’s kind of an unhealthy (and prideful and judge-y.. etc) mindset. I completely get it though — who hasn’t felt that way at some point in their lives?

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Gina

Hey Marie – this one was for me (literally) – SO THANK YOU!!
I’m so grateful that you brought light to my victim stance as this never would have occurred to me! Shifting that one right now ;-) Grateful for your wisdom and that I can always count on your humor!
Gina

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Grace

Marie! Love that I just saw you at Mama Gena’s School for Womanly Arts in NYC and I’m so paying attention now to your fun videos and news. I especially liked the re-enactment of the ghostly person “holding you back”. Hilarious how our minds can be so sure it’s true! This is one of the reasons I like Byron Katie so much and do her Work everywhere I go…except when I forget sometimes and actually start thinking something is holding me back that isn’t. Thanks for the reminder today!—Grace

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Renee

Marie -

“Don’t become a spiritual snob.”

I really needed that today.

Thanks for the honest lesson. I won’t forget it!

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Denise Duffield-Thomas

I definitely made some conscious decisions not to hang out with negative people (or even people who MADE me feel negative without knowing why), but many of them just drifted away because my life got busy in another direction.

My best strategy – when these people asked to hang out with me, I’d invite them to see a movie – that way, we could catch up (but not talk the whole time) and I love movies – so a win win! The best part about this – is that you can batch some of those friends together and have big movie dates.

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laura

Love it.

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Rochelle Marie Modean-Napoli

Awesome Marie,
So true, so true, so true.
Plus watch out for those that are mean to you because of your growth.
Watch close because usually they just want to participate! They just want to be apart of your life and what you do, however it may take a couple or many invites.
Share and have fun together!!!!!
Rochelle Marie at Living Simply Rich

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Llyane

That is so true, Rochelle..

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Laura Kinoshita

We need a Rich Happy Hot LIVE session in Maui, don’t you think?? :)

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Chelsea

Marie,
I love this. So very true. Sometimes we get caught in that mindset of someone holding us back as an excuse to stop moving forward… because we’re scared. And if someone in our life IS negative about what we’re up to, it might just be time to jump on the “no” train. ;) I know I’m guilty of that sometimes. Thanks for the reminder!

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Denise

Hey Marie,
This is powerful stuff you speak of. Got sober 9 years ago this month (by way of a little thing called GRACE), and had to really put into play, this idea of gently saying farewell to loads of peeps. It wasn’t always easy and sometimes I just crawled under a rock and hoped they would get the message (wouldn’t really recommend that approach).
It was about deciding what was best for me….and that was and still is one of my big lessons.
Have been on a soulful evolution these past 9 years, and I’m getting much better at letting people I love (ie. family members) be where they are, but still move my self on down the path of open mindedness and open heartedness…. it started on the NO train to be sure…now I’m upgrading to the Love train :)

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Adonica M

Agree wholeheartedly with Hillary! And add… that your evolution is still you but new. Some people who have been in our lives for so long want to keep their view of us and sometimes that means moving on if you can’t be “yourself” & be related at the same time. Letting go of some relationships that don’t support who I have become includes friends of almost 20 years … and I’ve never felt better. It wasn’t easy at first but I realized that everything is fine. Some things just run its course … and that’s ok.

live.learn.evolve.

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Kelly

Right on–as usual! Thanks, Marie.

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Kalia

Great reminder that we always have a choice! Who we say yes to. what we say no to, and whose influence we allow to guide us- Thanks for your guidance. Grab that choice by the horns, and ride ‘em!!!

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Danish Kapur

I like that “every relationship has beginning, middle and end”. Good one! Solves many problems.

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Megan Campbell

A-MAY-Zing! This is something I’ve been in for a while now…blaming my current place in life and all of the things that I want to happen that aren’t happening on my environment and the people that are surrounding me…that they’re not the ‘entrepreneurial type’ or that there are a lot of religious people around me that could never understand my ‘weird’ spirituality side yada yada. The words ‘playing victim’ seemed to fly off of the screen and hit me repeatedly on the forehead. I feel like a lot of the healing work I’ve done personally has been getting out of the victim mentality and learning about standing in my power, but I never related this victim mentality to not having like-minded people in my life until now.

See, I’ve been afraid of reaching out..well, until RIGHT NOW. I’ve been reading Marie Forleo WONDERFULNESS for several months now but haven’t commented on anything once because I’m chicken shit. Yep, scared to death of …Rejection, judgment, actually finding out that I might be awesome at what I love to do, blah friggin blah. You know, all of the stuff that is so freaking fabulously communicated and discussed on this site!
But I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of fear and not being true to myself. So….as Diana Ross would sing…”I’m coming out! Want the world to know. Got to let it show!”

So to answer the initial question, how specifically have i handled people that are uncomfortable with my growth? Wellp, I’ve just started to have enough guts to be myself fully and to not give a poopy what other people think, and to let them feel uncomfortable (if they are to feel that way).
So…this might sound a little bad but if you take it in the context i’m explaining now it’ll make sense… I would LOVE to make people feel uncomfortable! And I would love to learn then how to make them feel comfortable with their uncomfortableness :). One foot in front of the other, right. A journey begins with a single step.
Thank you for this amazing forum that’s made me feel comfortable enough to take a step with showing my ass, so to speak, on here. YOU ALL ROCK. :) I’m looking forward to commenting more!

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Debi Slinger

OMG! How succinctly put – The Pity Party! We all experience at times that little competitive edge within us – are we as good, are we better, how are we benchmarked against others. Maria’s video gives real clarity around how responsible we are for not only our actions but reactions. Sigh! Thanks Maria.

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Lisa

Super awesome and super true! I have learned that the only way you can stay on your path is to lead by example, live with love and compassion, and continue to follow your dreams. If other people are not on board, well then they just are not. I have also found that once they see that the change sticks, they end up gravitating towards you because they want answers to how you got where you currently are.

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Llyane

very true!

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Kelly Lynn

Mama Marie haha! Loved the visual of you “acting like” someone was holding you back…we really have the power at all times to decide and choose who we give our power too ~ this is such a big lesson for me. It is funny because as certain relationships either fade away or “die” other new amazing relationships are formed!! Thanks for this video such a great topic!!

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Chrissie

Great video Marie! And answer :) I have often had to deal with that exact situation. Life is a journey and people will always come and go from it. They enter your life at the right time so that both sides can learn. Not everyone will stay though and that is okay. There are times we need to take different paths so that both sides can continue learning in their own unique way and this opens the door for new ones to enter and provide us with more enriching and learning opportunities :)

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Vivian

This is spot on, Marie! We just have to acknowledge that each of us is a different person therefore think and grow differently, too. There may be some people who couldn’t see and understand that but I think it’s an opportunity for you to share to them what you know about growth. Thanks for the video!

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Deanne

Perfect topic for this week – spoke directly to me even. All the comments were great and touched true as well. I would add, a little dose of just letting go of the ego…releasing certainty about things and entrusting faith in life and in the Self. Like you mentioned Marie. Eventually all relationships have an end. Family is really important to me and I’ve found that as I’m growing and learning more about taking that step to entrepreneurship, I’m physically, emotionally,and spiritually transforming and as I’m busting out of the cocoon of my family nest and the comforts, I remember a quote Robert Shemin mentioned once in his book, How come that idiots rich and I’m not!, share your goals with people who will encourage you to fulfill them otherwise keep them for yourself. Write them down and read them everyday and focus and eventually life just transforms. Since September of last year I’ve been doing that and as I grow more steady and conscious within myself life begins to happen, staying positive helps…most of all letting go – even to relationships…wish them goodness and bless them.

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Llyane

Thank you for this, Marie. I too was feeling a victim, I too decided today to ‘not give a rat’s ass’ on what judgmental people say to me. I too realized that they want to participate (talking about the family). I too saw that, once things stick, they come back and approve. The problem is that we need nothing less than a real friend when we go through tough times, and judgment is not the cure. If they say ‘yes’ to our choices when all goes well, but they judge and create drama when we need it the least.. I guess it comes with the territory and we have to remember to take the high way. Am I a ‘snob’ now? Maybe, but I’ve learned an unnecessary dance, that gives me the space and spares me from the judgments. It’s probably what it’s supposed to be (because it is), so I’ll stop complaining and keep dancing :)

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moneca

i had the pleasure of massaging miss gaga a couple of years ago when she was here in vancouver and i was amazed at her resilience at that time…she had opened her first tour in new york and fell off the stage…flew to do a concert for the queen of england and then was here in vancouver, still injured and she rocked the house that night. i usually do not do the star of the show but i think it was one of my joyous moments to spend 90 minutes with her brilliancy. what a strong and intelligent, money suave entrepreneur. inspirational.
your topic caught me at a fragile time…i am launching into a distance healing modality and alone i must stand for what i see as my next phase of energy healing. my world is crashing around me as i leave the physical massage and again take a leap of faith that my calling is in another realm. just as i have always stepped into my belief, i am again called to stand alone and do my best to be of service to myself and my community and my world.
there is nowhere to go except toward my dreams…wish me you love and support.
thank you for your forum…this has been a nice note to that spirit that move me and guides me…internet is a wonderful place to vent.
moneca.ca

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Anna

Thank you Maria, I really want to thank you for your videos. I think it is very helpful and energizing. You have a beautiful energy that lighten the people’s path. :)

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steph

That was great Marie. Purrrfect timing as usual xx Thank you.

Your vids are becoming more and more entertaining :) I remember watching something of yours, forgive me i can’t remember exactly where or when, think it might of been an online interview, anyway you mentioned that you have a few select girlfriends who you occasionally get together with (+ a cheeky bottle of the red stuff) and who allow you the non judgmental space to just waffle on about all your current successes and future goals etc :) This is also important for those that are on a path of awakening, you really need to let it all out to someone who gets it, the relief found there enables you to deal with the naysayers so much more smoothly. It definitely is a journey that’s for sure. Right on Sistaar!! XX

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Toni King

I love your style Marie, it’s very vibrant, fresh and exciting. Good stuff!! :)

I also totally resonate with your answer to this question.
With people that no longer seem to be on the same page as me, I mentally send them love and continue on my way.

You’re absolutely right, everyone is on a journey and each traveling at their own pace and in their own direction. It’s not up to us to judge them in any way.

Thanks for your insight Marie, I look forward to your next Q & A vid.

In Health and Harmony

Toni.

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Leah Fisch

Hard to hear about one of us dying someday, but of course you’re right. Having/seeking the proper skills to manage the realities of life is more important than churning our dramas…Thanks, Marie!

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Dee

Great ideas Marie and comments. I think what you said about not being a ‘spiritual snob’ and leading by compassion and love is so true.

Also I only talk to my biggest supporters about the new enhanced me. The people that are genuinely proud of me and my progress towards my dream.

Big thanks,
Dee

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Marie Noelle

I love your videos! This one was so inspiring (and funny)! I guess if we feel someone is holding us back and we’re the victim, the only person to blame is ourselves to allow this to happen and to affect us.

We can’t get everyone’s support except if we live in a fairy tale but that shouldn’t affect what we are doing. Most of the time, people (even friends and family) are just jealous!

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Dianna Sandora

Love it! Had to share your video on my blog!

http://your-fabulous.net/2011/05/25/holding-back/

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Jessilicious

Ahhhh yes… Taking responsibility is such a key theme for me – in EVERYTHING. And relationships is definitely a biggie – or more specifically, one key relationship. ;) Thank you for your perspective on this, Marie – it definitely resonated and helped me to see some areas where I’ve still been playing the victim and not taking responsibility…

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Kathryn C

great video. Love the non-victim tilt and your lightheartedness about the topic (which is so true by the way, I just got back from a bachelorette party and felt I had outgrown half my friends and was feeling a little funny). Anyway, got your info through an email Ramit sent out a while ago, you two are too funny, I love it. Keep me posted on LA events!
Kathryn

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xoxo, gina

I felt like this video was talking to me. Besides the name similarity I have been dealing with this very issue with my husband. And for one moment thought I couldn’t have him and this new drive inside of me at the same time. But then relized no one CAN hold me back except myself. And I sat done with him and said this is what I need to do right now. It is a forward motion for me. I hope you move move forward WITH by supporting my desire to grow, that’s your choice. My choice is I AM DOING THIS now. That was last week. And yesterday he remained by side as I was put under for an operation… whispering all of my future.goals to me. And he was here when I woke up… ready to support me in them!!!

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Daniela

Hi Marie!!

I love how you always talk about things that are going through my mind and this tuesday tip is one of those. My roomie and I were friends and very close to each other, specially when complaining about our boyfriends. One day I decided I had enough of complaining and I told her that I couln’t keep complaining about my bf and listening to her complaining about her bf. I think she didn’t like this. After that I started to be alone, with myself, to realize what I wanted to do with my life, but my roomie didn’t like that. She likes to talk a lot and do things with people, while now I’m in the mood of finding myself in silence and in certain loneliness. I think she’s not comfortable with this situation in our flat. She behaves a little bit unpolite, she judges me, she wants me to talk about things I’m not interested in, and at the same time she’s not interested in the things I’m interested in. We used to be friends and now we are only roomies. It’s kind of sad but I’ve realize that this is how life goes. I don’t feel guilty anymore because of not being the kind of person people would like me to be. Sometimes is hard because you may feel that you are alone, but the truth is that you’re not alone, you are totally with yourself.

Best,
Daniela

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dila

Hi Maire, I so get what you are saying, as I feel I have recently outgrown a whole club of friends (need I go into detail??); it has been a pretty steep learning curve and I learnt in a very short time with whom I felt accepted around and with whom I felt I always had to play small and over-explain myself. It feels so surprising as it is the ‘glamourous-all-knowing’ couple who run the club (I can feel the stories automatically spinning off in my head about them and what happened so automatically) that I have felt the need to play small with..there has been an incident whereby my line felt crossed and I felt I had to speak up and distance myself and I felt hurt to feel blamed by some friends for ‘breaking the peace’..however the I-have-done-right-by-me-without-hurting-anyone feeling feels strong…..I have a strange sad feeling that I have outgrown many of the friends, and hopefully down the road as we each grow and evolve our paths keep crossing in a pleasant way. I have also recognized that I may have put too much meaning into our ‘friendships’ and ‘business-ships’ and misinterpreted messages and found some approval-seeking behaviour with them…
I also realise that I might have felt like I was being held back by them because, like Marie said, I have put myself in the victim role…and just like MLK and you mention, that we have 65000 recurrent thought in my head, still wake up and feel the same-ish thoughts go through my head each day…it will take time, and on some good days I recognize it is mental noise. Sometimes my ‘fear’ part feels stronger and I wish them the worst and play out scenarios where I am the ‘winner’, sometimes my ‘love’ part feels stronger and I feel acceptance for who they are and who I am and naturally turn around to concentrate on what I need to feel good instead. It will disappear soon if I keep paying attention and choosing good-feelings send them some love in my head! I still feel much more comfortable keeping my distance from now though.

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Maggie

Thanks, Marie! Great information and insight to hear again and again as we evolve because the message can sound different depending on where we are. I would add one more perspective is that as we grow we are also offering a light for others to grow into, if they choose. To deny yourself that light would deny your gift to the World. I don’t think others would want that nor would you, so stand bright in your growth. Also a remembering that each of us will bring to this World a different journey, and so we get the experience of intertwining though NOT entanglement-BIG energetic difference!

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Luetta

Hi Marie,

Ever since I decided to ‘reinvent’ myself, I have experienced great opposition from a family member or friend over a choice that is different from the ”old” me. When I can calmly, comfortably and confidently discuss and answer their questions and accusations, they back off. My only explanation is that it is like a test, to see if I believe in what I’m doing and to see how my decision is working out. My biggest lesson has been learning how to “fail” gracefully in public. I used to think that if anyone saw me not reach my goal, I was embarrassed and humiliated. Now I just “course adjust”. I see what choices led me short of my goal, adjust and start stepping again. I have found to my surprise, people watch and are quieter when I keep moving with confidence. This also gives them permission to “fail”. It makes you closer.

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Sharon Floyd

Really loved your explanation of failure, this helps me a lot! Thank you.

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Adri

Just LOVE your interpretation of ‘invisible people holding you back’ AWESOMELY inspiring!! Merci! Adri

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the Yoga Nurse

Marie, this is the most ENLIGHTENING comment i have heard you say. at least for me. very conscious of you really! i honor your mission and vision. xoxo Annette Tersigni RN aka the Yoga Nurse.

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Maya

This was eye-opening for me. I feel like people around me have been holding me back by dumping their emotional mess on me instead of taking personal responsibility for it themselves. This, of course, makes me act like that “spiritual snob” sometimes, which I don’t like one bit. It’s been difficult to support other people who don’t always support me in return. Watching this video really hit it home for me that people aren’t holding me back, but I am holding myself back by letting their stuff weigh me down. Now that I’ve been schooled, I am going to take responsibility for MY path and show everyone else love no matter where they’re at. I really needed this. Thanks!!!

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Laura Ribas

I totaly agree with you. Lately I’ve been living something similar. I’m going through a big change in my life and I’m feeling that some of my friends are not getting it. Let’s see what happens :)

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Nicole Bradford

Marie thank you for the profound reminder that I AM RESPONSIBLE, and the words from Dr MLK jr…Love and Light! Love and Light! I have been getting so frustrated with these kinds of situations, going back and forth between blaming and being responsible….guess which one I was in today :$. I will pick up my Ho’oponono book again, all about 100% responsibility. One thing I am left wondering about is that there must be some part of me that believes this false idea that shutting these relationships out/giving up on them, if it contains any judgement at all, comes form a deep seated hurt that needs to HEAL. Maybe it is time for some healing on this for me.

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Beth Reacher

This is such an interesting topic. I have found both in my own experience and when coaching clients, other’s negative judgements/perceptions and lack of support for our aspirations and dreams to be a real stumbling block.
I remember having a bit of an ‘AH HAA!” moment when one of my clients said something to me which really resonated- when discussing how she didn’t feel supported by those around her she commented that ‘It’s almost like they want me to fail”.
This is how I see it. When we strive for something more- to make our dream a reality, wear our hearts on our sleeves and just GO FOR IT we are often making a choice to leave the safe life of ‘this is how it has to be’ behind us and strive for something more. It’s a bold act. I believe that some people who have not yet found the courage to strive for a life of fulfilment and really realise the depths of their potential almost want us to fail because it keeps their self-limiting interpretation of the world alive. It’s almost like if we try and then fail, it can justify the reason why they shouldn’t take a risk and are right to stay in the comfy life of secure predictability. If you were to achieve great results and realise your dream, it would be like a magnifying glass highlighting how their life is just a shadow of what it could be- and that would be uncomfortable.
I don’t believe it’s a directly malicious thing at all, often it’s a very human response. What I have learnt from my own experience is that it is VITAL that you hang out with people that support your vision, that have a common set of values and follow their passions. Life is simply to valuable & precious to spend with people that crush your spirit and bring you down. You need friends who believe in you and make you feel alive- and if you haven’t got them you need to get out there and find them.

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Shakaya Breeze

This really touched me…I have never felt comfortable when relationships seemed to end…it was so beautiful how you expressed it that they don’t, they just change form. Like the seasons. The winds of change are always blowing but it doesn’t mean we are leaves tossed around like victims; it means we can learn how to hold our sails so we stay on our course.
Thank you Marie (and the one who wrote in this great question)

sending you a cool ocean breeze x Shakaya

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Nancy

First off, I’m always a little surprised when someone I know acts unsupportive. Don’t know if I’m that naive or that self- absorbed ;) Then I usually laugh it off and remind myself that there are always going to be haters.

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Niko Mercuris

Thanks Marie,!

The old saying that ‘ MISERY LOVES COMPANY” Is true sometimes, even when people tell you, “Oh thats great” Good luck” or Good For you’ They really havent got a clue about what you are trying to do because they werent even paying attention to you when you were explaining it!
Thats why sometimes it is best to not even tell people what you are up to and “JUST DO IT” and take action because Actions always speak louder than words.. your friends and family will always become impressed when you have reached a level of success at something but rarely will they be impressed at the mere thought of wanting to become successfull at something..

” YOU CANT BUILD A REPUTATION ON WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO.”

‎” Align yourself with your passion, uncover your true purpose in life and become everything you can be.” ~ Awakening

Thanks again Marie for bringing this up as it is and has always been a problem for people who get stopped dead in their tracks mostly by the closest ones in their lives..
To Your Unending Success,
Niko Mercuris

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Sukie Baxter

Exactly what I needed to hear today. Major changes going on as I live my dreams and so many in my life are worried for me as I’m not walking an ordinary path. Vital to hear that the choices I make are mine, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Thanks for the reminder!

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Aimee Prezzano

Thanks, Marie (as always). I have made significant changes in my life over the past 9 years, and have lost some relationships, but have found some amazing ones along the way.

When I get into “FEAR” I notice that my mind races wondering what they (my family, friends, business associates) are thinking about me! (Yuck, how gross of me to think that way!) But, you’re right…no one has that power over me. It is only if I give them that power….even if it is imaginary or a made up story!

Thanks for the reminder!

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Ellen Pouw

Hi Marie

Thanks. Especialliy for the part: leave with love. Sometimes hard to do.

Ellen

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DivineYoganista

I absolutely have no fear of leaving people that are negative, boring or drag me down behind. If you’re not uplifting I just don’t want you around.

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Melody Granger

I have been feeling this way and something that happened to me recently is…
I was asked if it’s “me” holding those others back. woowooowooowoowoowoowoowooo….could it be true? I need to share this shit! And allow the others to grow too ;-)

Thanks Marie!

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fatloss4idiots

I am very thankful to this topic because it really gives great information

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Clara Gabrielle

Hi, Marie!

Thanks so much for all your awesome and inspiring information.
As usual, you’re right on with this one!

I came to a precipice recently in this area in my life, involving my own parents. I was blessed to have been raised in a loving family, who unfortunately didn’t know how to care for me growing up [let alone themselves!]. So I had a lot of blind spots involving personal responsibilities and how life works in general. FOR YEARS, I lived with a huge “victim complex,” feeling completely hopeless and helpless because I had not been brought up in the “right” way.
The good news is, I discovered a fun and simple way to change my thinking and set me of on a plan for action. I realized that as children we all get to rebel against our parents. As ironic as it may sound, it dawned on me that it was my call to rebel through the holes in my parenting. This was a huge “Ah-ha!” moment for me; turning things I had considered boringly daunting [staying organized, financial solvency, keeping ducks in a row, etc] into a fun way to explore being “bad.” Since then, I’ve been researching and taking regular baby steps to establish a new healthy life style for myself, and relishing as it all come together!
I thank my lucky stars that my “rebelling” will work to establish my place in the world, rather then isolate me form it! ;} [Note: I'm pretty sure we can all find our own way -if we haven't yet - of "healthy rebelling!]

Lots of Love and thanks so much again! I watch your videos everyday since I found you and it always leaves me so happy and ready for action!

Xoxo,
Clara

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Evan Thompson

I loved your handling of what can be a very difficult question.
Sometimes, those who are used to seeing us in a dependant role are not comfortable with our transition to a place of power and positive thinking. It’s not that they want us to remain stuck. It’s just that our positive momentum makes them feel stuck. Thanks for your wonderful insights, as always.

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Tiara

Such a great post! I am in this exact situation right now. I have a friend, who I’ve been friends with since 10th grade, we are both 22 now. I find myself growing, and she’s in this sort of arrested development. I really would like to keep her as a friend, but she is the nagging pessimist to my eternal optimist. Its getting to a point where I don’t even want to hang around her anymore. She just has this aura of bad vibes around her. My situation is a bit tricky though, because we both have a mutual friend who we both adore. She is a fellow optimist, but she enjoys the company of my other friend (the pessimist), how do I balance these relationships while keeping my sanity?

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Betty

Marie – Thanks for the insightful A to the Q. I’m on a getting healthy, including losing weight journey (and yes, it’s about darn time). It is so hard when you are learning and growing to just keep your mouth shut sometimes. It’s just that I’m so excited to finally be learning how to do this stuff, that I want to shout it from the mountaintops. But everybody doesn’t want to hear about it. Lots of other people aren’t learning and growing in this area and will just feel frustrated about it. I just need to do it and lead by example. Change freaks everybody out; it certainly freaks me out. When I’ve figured out how to get and stay healthy, the people around me will ask me questions if they want to, and open a dialogue. Otherwise, it’s my life, my body, my journey and nobody else may want to come along for the ride. That’s okay.

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hanzy florentino

thanks for sharing this video marie :)

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Caroline

Excellent video and advice….yet again : ) we are always responsible for all we are being, great to have such a vivid image as reminder … spiritual snobbery. yes needed to hear that! thanks.. btw.. its green juice all the way for me now too ..

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Aly

Great topic and just as valid as business/marketing talk. My issue is similar in that many of my friends don’t understand what I’m doing with my powerfully positive business and personal growth focus. They don’t “get” me. I’m not trotting around telling others what to do (being a spiritual snob-ina is a very good point to bring up), just feeling a little sorry for myself that friends and family seem so caught up in their own negativity, timidity, and when I want to share all the big “YES!!!!!” feelings I have with others, brain storm ideas together, they just don’t relate. You know? Maybe it’s time to manifest new pals? Thanks for the videos. :/)

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Sharon Floyd

I think you really nailed it with Love and Compassion. Playing a victim and acting defensive, small, or vindictive won’t do anything to propel you forward. If you can move past those feelings, instantly forgive, and settle into your Self, you’re golden!

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DivineYoganista

Spiritual Snobs LOL

Your advice Marie puts a fresh spin on this topic. I like the fact that you took Gina out of the victim seat back into full power mode.

It’s all about owning our power and choosing where we put our energy and attention to.

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Sierra Lynn

A to the MEN sister! Where have you been all my life haha but seriously! Love you to death!!

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karen

I have a saying “Everyone is on thier own schedule for enlightenment.”
Life is the opportunity to learn and relationships are the lessons.

I’ve been lovin B aschool for weeks and I just found Marie TV whoo hoo!
I can still my Marie Fix!

Thanks for all you do!
Karen
http://www.trilliumorganics.com

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Darla

Fine time for this question and answer, Marie….and I love your answer. I have been grappling with some long term relationships lately and it helped me to think about the situations in light of your response today.

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Dakota McKenzie

This thread never gets old! Just like the suits from the 40′s my grandma saved for me! I love returning to this.
Bottom line for me is old friends and family worry about me and want to keep me safe by keeping me small. It’s their way of loving. That’s cool.
I just need to remember what it is and what I’m about, which is something much, much bigger than always playing it safe…
With Love,
~ Dakota

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Iris Delgado

On point (as always), Marie. Release those who aren’t supporters…
I’m so grateful for your work. You are such an inspiration. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Genevieve Maxted-Tidy

Wow, what is with you Marie – how on earth do you consistently manage to provide me with videos that seem to tie in exactly with how I am feeling???!!! LOVE YOU! A constant source of miracles you are!

It is also a testament to you that I had to scroll for 5 hours to reach the bottom of this page to leave my comment – you truly have built a beautiful community!

Thank you, my name is firmly on your B-School wait list xxxxx

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Brad Roberts

I think the phrase that caught my eye here is that you can “outgrow” relationships.

I’ve had an idea I’ve been working on since 2006 and I’m still not to the starting gate with it! I have what I think is a great idea for a portable carousel that would satisfy me in several areas: get rid of bosses who are idiots (this year has been the worst ever!). It would also satisfy my artistic side with designing, carving and painting. It would satisfy my social side, by getting me out in public, and I love to travel, and it would cure that bug, too.

My first time to a Rennassaince Faire was 2006 and I’ve been working on this project ever since. This would also be a great cross-over business for Civil War events, which I’ve participated in since 1990.

But my family, who has never even been to a Renn Faire, don’t understand what I’m doing. Never mind they barely know what a civil war reenactment is after I’ve been involved in them so long. I don’t think any of them have even seen a Renn Faire.

This project has taken a LOT of time to start up… I’m carving the figures for the carousel. I need a base manufactured for it, and I’m not even sure at this point where that money is coming from.

But I know this project will fly once it’s in operation.

Some days Marie, it seems you’re the only one who cares!

Brad

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Aradia G. of Aradia's Hand

Marie, I’ve watched this video once before because the title was so juicy, but of course I had to watch it again and this time leave some comment love!

I have definitely felt this. Since I started my path to revamp my life way back in May of 2011, and turned that into revamping my business in May of 2012 I have really felt like all the people close to me were dragging me down. The reality was just what you said, our paths diverged. Now I’m coming to a point where that diverging may be a major separation and I am back here watching this again. Its comforting to hear your words and watch MarieTV every week and I love you and all the other viewers who have kept it going by sending in these great questions!

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Ty

Wonderful perspective and insight! As always YOU ROCK! The force is strong with you. LoL! Thanks for sharing your wonderful gift and for being so irresistibly adorable in the process. You help make growing FUN!

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Israel Dudley

Thanks Marie. This has been the most challenging issue for me, I am very thankful for your wonderful advice on this topic.

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Michelle Sears

I agree Israel. This is “my” most challenging issue too. This issue has been talked about for eons which means that most successful people at some point in their life has experienced it.

But you know what. they succeeded anyway. I think it’s just another obstacle what we all have to overcome to become the true person we were meant to be.

I truly believe it’s just part of the plan. Our plan, their plan. It’s all the same plan really it’s just like Marie said, were just taking different paths to get there.

This is a great video. Thanks Marie.

Michelle

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Israel Dudley

Thanks Michelle, that was very nice of you to say. I feel like I am apart of this community/family, although I’m one of the only guys in this family ^_^

Thanks for your encouragement, the memory of your words will shape my future. & Thanks to you also Marie, I appreciate both of you very much.

Take care,
Israel

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Cindy

This is crazy! I watched your video today and I just so happened to break off of a long-term relationship. It seemed.. natural and smooth. I had the urge to be emotional but I stopped myself and I literally thought, “wait, why? I don’t even feel sad, this is a blessing! Now I’m ready for more opportunities!” I really felt held back come time. The relationship made me grow-a lot. I’ve learned so much and became so much that now, I’m taking things into my own accordance, taking what I could from the experience, and carving my own path. I couldn’t thank God enough. The end of this relationship has really got me focused on trusting in God because I know I’m in great hands. This video is a reassurance of sorts that I’m doing well and on to greatness. Thank you, sincerely Marie, I’m really grateful to have found you! You’re like a needle in a haystack, double awesome points for me!

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asha

oh marie that was a good one. i have been on this guilt trip of late.my spouse and i are living apart now after a 30 year marriage which was kind of a prison sentence except for the two kids. in india it is considered some kind of bad thing for a woman.some societies too shun you.but ever since i moved out i have been happy and i travel and i do things that i wanted to for a long while.but people force me[family] that i should try for a reconciliation.there is so much emotional gap , i am sure that it can never be bridged.i am not going back.when they say all that i feel guilty at times.how do i overcome that?ignore?dont talk to such people? hence i stopped visiting my home town.

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Cave

There are many things that hold you back:
Interviewer
Human Resources
Your Boss
Divorce
Money

The reason why they hold you back is because they don’t want you to succeed and possibly get their job. The only way to get ahead is make your own job and hopefully every one will like the job that you created. If you find a shortcut, go for it!

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Louvelle Nolido Zinser

SO important to me right now…probably the most important at the moment. Thank you for addressing this…It is up to ME to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for how others impact and influence me. Well said! Now to put it into practice…

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Evan Thompson

I gained a lot from revisiting your video. I thought of the pre-flight safety videos on airlines in which passengers are advised to put on their oxygen masks before assisting their neighbour, who may be family or a complete stranger. We really cannot help them if we feel at great risk, or become ineffective due to lack of oxygen.
When we fail to look after ourselves, we cannot be good partners, friends or caregivers. When held back by someone close to us, we are ultimately doing ourselves, and them, a huge disservice by not moving ahead – with or without them. If we remain stuck just to please them, we will soon become miserable and resentful, and as a result, so will they. We need to be honest with ourselves and our partners about whether our needs are currently being met, in a relationship or in a job, and take the conversation from there with clarity and purpose.

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Sharon

I totally get your take on this idea of people holding us back – and how it’s, essentially, an illusion. As I sit here and realise I’m playing victim to it all, I notice that the answer – for me – is not cutting people out who push back, or even reject some of the avenues and paths I’m heading down, but increase the number of people in my life who support and encourage. There’s no reason to cut anyone out, perhaps the key is to let others in so that the “light” drowns out the “dark.” I am responsible for the people I let in my life – yesterday, today and always. The people in my life that are pushing back are people I’ve always valued for their honesty and integrity. I don’t think the answer is to cut those people out simply because their honesty and integrity showed up at my front door to tell me some things I didn’t like to hear. Because, in the light of day, their insight is not only accurate (certainly from their perspective) but also free! Isn’t that what research is all about anyway? Discovering the unknown? The truth is I know I’m following this path because it’s a good, solid, educated and expansive one. The unwelcome insight or push-back my friend had to offer is going to be useful to me when I come to the inevitable point where I get bored, or disappointed, or frustrated (or whatever it is that is inevitable in any long journey) – it will keep me balanced and focused and moving forward, if for no other reason than to move past a bad habit that has clearly impacted my life enough that a friend brought it up.

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Carol

Hi Marie,

I like how your videos are always about the viewer taking responsibility for how they feel. You are all about empowerment. Love that!

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martha

maybe this sounds horrible, marie — but i cut them off. the quicker, the better. when i’ve finally had enough of listening to their toxic negativity, it’s adios. this comes from years of doing the opposite – being resentful of someone who’s just a pain in my ass.

and, hoo-wee… does it feel great!

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Olga

I think it depends on who these people are – my child and my family someone I will always value and respect…these are my values and because I am moving forward I wish they have the opportunity to grow with me.
I found that our tolerance comes from our own self-awareness and we have less empathy and understanding towards certain people because we find them too negative or holding us back.
In reality if we come forward to understand why there’s resistance and why there’s a gap forming we can reverse and empower these people (if we really love them and care about them).
The best way to do it through asking questions and being curious why we think they are holding us back? Or ask them why they are feeling that way?
I agree that not all relationship are eternal but there are some that are worth fighting for!

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Gwynnie, Life Magic Coaching

Very true!

I often find myself saying that somebody is “holding me back”, only to find – when I talk to them – that they are doing no such thing, that they in fact support me and what me to be happy. There are a few hang-ups, I think, because my previous relationship had that kind of negative feel to it… the guy would get jealous of my hobbies and get quiet and moody when I met exciting new people! A part of me expects my current partner to do the same, so I assume that he’s thinking something that he isn’t… it turns out that he’s awesome and supportive, and that the only person holding me back is me. Perhaps it’s easy to blame others for holding us back, but the most powerful thing we can do is ask ourselves what we’re afraid of… perhaps that thing we want to do isn’t actually right for us, and we’re looking for a get-out clause. Or, perhaps we’re just so afraid of failure that it’s easier to find an excuse to quit. We’ve gotta empower ourselves, ladies!

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SusanJones

You’re right! No one is holding me back. If I somehow (how?*) choose not to grow in order to keep someone in my life from feeling left behind (despite continued encouragement to grow with me), then I am holding myself back. That doesn’t help either of us. And it makes me very unhappy. Thank you for putting this into focus for me.

*impossible!

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Keri Kight

I seriously wish I had seen this months ago when I felt like everyone thought I was crazy. I needed this pick me up. Now, thanks to you Marie, I am able to strength and let go of relationships depending on the direction they are going.

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Ashley

this looks completely my story… will start working on your advices

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Cindy Dabbous

Awesome info! I just recently made a video about this tooo!! You are such a wonderful woman!

My personal development blog is here, check it out ladies!
IntentionallyEmpowered.com

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Janez

Late but curious. Does it work?
If you want to improve and invest great amount of effort to achive improvement, later old pattern becomes obsolete and you can no longer gain from surrounding you had. That might feel like someone is holding you back.

Marie TV is great….

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Raj

hi mam,

Really like the way you explain the life things, relationships and i salute to such confident and ambitious woman like you Mam…

loved your talk with Ramit sethi on youtube..

thanks once again

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Jennifer

Awesome tip! This can be pretty difficult to remember when around some difficult people, but one thing that you mentioned I’ve finally completely learned and come to accept is that relationships aren’t meant to last forever. We do all change and evolve and come to different stages. Knowing that does help a lot.

Thanks so much for the video!

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kaitlyn

LOVE LOVE this piece, it really hit home with me as I have been feeling like I’ve been growing in a different path from a huge group of friends in my life, friends that have been in my life for over 10 years. It just seems our goals, values and lifestyles are on different parts. Reading this article made me feel like I wasn’t alone in that feeling, like it is ok and normal to have these types of feelings and changes happen. It also taught me how to deal with it well, not playign the victim and blaming others, more to lead with example, and shine forward in your new path.

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Donald reed

Sometimes it does feel like people are trying to hold me back
and I like how you said that some people even on a spiritual
level can be snobs I had an experience with that yesterday
even if they are trying to hold you back maybe with curse praying
some Christians are like that I no I got a little weird there .you have to fight against that

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sarah

This is so true! I definitely have a few friends and even my mother in law, who is just so uncomfortable with a woman being successful and empowered. It is very sad, I just try to keep those people out of my mind when I’m envisioning my future and working on myself, I just quietly go about raising my own vibration in life. I think it also applies to others having a great marriage or relationship, I have a friend who is a man hating divorcee and she is visibly bothered by her female friends who have great relationships. I am not willing to cast aside these few limiting friends but I do lessen my time around them and what I talk about. It’s not up to be to judge their journey.

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Kat Cowley

Giving props where props is due! Thank you for sharing your flare w/ us. It’s like Shakespeare in keep it real mode. xo

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julie dargan

Loved this piece of advise. You always prompt me to look outside the box with your advice. thanks

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Becky @ Rooted Blessings

This was some GOOD stuff Marie! Loved the Dr. King quote!

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Scott

I know you have a ton of comments, and getting to all of them is very hard, but really would love to hear your reply…

I am with you on this post, and this subject, but this is my challenge.

In general, I have no problem with those who do not support, or are negative towards, my changes. But right now the one person who is not with me is the one person I need with me – my wife.

That is different than a friend, co-worker, sibling, parent, etc… it is my wife. I feel like I am stuck between the changes and better me on one side and her on the other.

She does not encourage these changes (and they are positive changes) in any way, and is actually outright negative towards them.

I am, in a way, outgrowing the relationship with my wife, and that is terrifying. She is the most important person to me, she is amazing, and I love her with every cell of my body.

What is a guy to do, when the one relationship that is being ‘outgrown’ is the most important relationship of all?

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Ken

Hi Scott, I can sympathize with you – I’m also in a position where I feel my girlfriend of nearly five years and myself are simply on two planets. in 2010, eight months after we met, I quit my job as an engineer and now for four years I’ve been a developing ‘solopreneur’.

When we first met in 2009, I was a well paid engineer, status, security, confidence, all of that good stuff, now I’m a Coach getting my gig moving and things are definitely more concrete than they were a year, two or even three years ago, but still, all the growth in me due to my situation has caused me to feel a certain level of separation from her..

It’s hard, because sometimes I feel that she simply cannot understand where I’m coming from, in fact I know she can’t because she hasn’t done the growth I’ve done. She is still running from herself, whereas I decided 5 years ago to run to myself because I was tired of running…AHHHH!

I’m sorry to hear that you’re wife is unsupportive – makes sense though I’m sure it’s her way of coping because she is scared. She probably doesn’t know how to take responsibility for herself so she defaults into anger to make herself feel better, it’s all she knows to do. I’m guessing it’s how she attempts to maintain control in what she perceives to be a very stressful and out of control situation, one which she is afraid of, because you’re her rock and she doesn’t know who you are anymore given your own spiritual evolution.

I suppose there are two paths, detach and become free of your wife, so you can go separate ways, which might be the best thing, which can be a path of self-induced struggle, not sure life needs to be so hard.

I feel like this is the path I’ve taken until now. There is also path 1 which can lead to path 2 which is your wife raising up with you as she becomes inspired and motivated…

I’m a big fan of law of attraction, abraham hicks, etc. It comes down to this – your responsibility is to yourself, to feel good now. If being in a relationship with your wife doesn’t feel good, then you’re cheating both yourself and her of a joy. If you can focus on feeling good, freeing yourself from the perceived limitations she is bringing into your life, then the universe must either have her elevate to meet you where you are or she will move out and someone you can’t even imagine right now that pulls on the chords of your heart will come right in…

Wishing you well my friend, Ken

No idea when you left this comment, but I hope things have improved for you.

Point is, I’ve done a ton of inner work these past few years

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Ken

scratch the last sentence – it was mis placed and I meant to delete it, we’ve all done lots of inner work :)

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Natalia Noelle

WOW, thank you Marie!! I have been following you for a while now and I am always looking forward to new videos and tips and tricks. This is just SO fitting to what I am feeling lately. I feel surrounded by so many negative people, who mostly complain and complain about everything. I let it bring me down and allow them to give me a sense of insecurity about my ideas, which makes me feel like they are all holding me back. But you are so RIGHT, I am in control of the impact they have on me. This made me rethink and it feel like all this weight fell off my shoulders.

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Dahlia VintageNChicBoutique

Wonderful! I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know how to describe/handle it.

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Entrenador personal

People will try to hold you back in any area of your life, not (always) because they hate you but because they love you. If your life go to the “next level” they could feel the gonna lose you.

Thanks a lot Marie!

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Oliver rojas

1. Take responsibility for who is in your life and the impact they are having on you. Yes I totally agree. Differ in that I agree they can be justifably holding you back spiritually because in some form or another you are there captive audience. These people can be, neighbors, co-workers, or worst yet, family. In this situation it’s important to remember, you cannot force change. You can decide to embrace it. Allow people to have negative attitudes towards progress. Just remember their negative attitudes about changing for the better may stem from their fear of not knowing how to implement positive impacts.
2. Every relationship does have a beginning, middle and end. Preferable to allow that cycle not to be determined by people. Right or wrong, leaning towards letting circumstances evolve naturally into a beginning, middle, and end on their own is usually better for Karma. A plus of old relationships with negative people is that it reminds you of who you were and what you want to be.
3. Don’t become a spiritual snob. Totally agree. Important to give people time to adjust to the implementation of new life changing practices. “Game Changing Ideas, Customs”.

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Caroline

thank you for this post, understandbly there can be sabotaging people out there one should steer clear of, but in general you are right about the only person holding you back is you.
Its easy to get lost in the mist of daily life and ever evolving changes that happen, and blame it on others. It nice to watch your video and get a refreshing straigh-forward take on things.

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AMD

If you’re dealing with a “spiritual snob,” stop and reflect … you might just need the lesson.

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Joyce

Hey there I am so glad I found your website, I really found you
by mistake, while I was researching on Aol for something else, Anyhow
I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a fantastic post and
a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design). Please
do keep up the excellent work.

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Panto Thenic

Marie,

Thanks for the great episode. Went through this myself. It was very difficult, given that you get used to something, to see it go away. But I had to get away from those that were holding me down, some in my own family, as well as friends. Many were abusive. I moved on. Thanks again for the support.

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Henry Hoe

I personally don’t have anyone that held me back that much.

But I have a friend who’s family is not just very negative and holding her back, but even go out to stop her from her journey to be an entrepreneur. She made a big decision to stay away from her family and now she is doing so much better.

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Susan

On this one, I have to half disagree. You referenced some quotes of Martin Luther King to support your answer about not being held back, well there is a man that died trying to set free people that were legitimately being held back. Even today black children and other minorities are held back from fulfilling their dreams. However, I half agree with you in that we have choices and the choice to follow our hearts, no matter how terrifying is in the end the direction we need to move in one step at a time.

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vieille nymphomane

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