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What To Do When People Do You Wrong

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You’re angry. You’re hurt. Someone has done you wrong. No matter how hard you try to “let it go,” all your mind can do is fantasize, in detail, about all the vengeful ways you’ll make. them. pay.

Been there? Yeah, me too.

Here’s the problem. Holding onto anger or resentment severely limits your potential in business and life. It’s a HUGE, unnecessary obstacle in terms of creativity, wealth creation and worst of all, it gives you bad breath. (OK, I made that last one up.)

If you’ve ever had trouble forgiving someone, this video is for you. I’ll tell you exactly how I handle these situations, including my two favorite techniques to strengthen your own forgiveness muscles.

CHIC ALERT: You’ll also see my newest favorite fashion score: the perfect, butt hugging, 70s inspired jeans.

OK sweet thang, we’re taking it up a notch. In the comments below, let me know your two biggest insights from this video.

BONUS POINTS: If you’ve got lingering anger or resentment renting precious space in your consciousness, use the strategies right now, and report your results below.

xo

Marie Forleo

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Lori

Wow those jeans ARE awesome. As for the topic…. Gosh I’m struggling with this myself. I will consider what Marie has to say (especially love the Buddha quote) but I don’t think I’m ready to let go just yet. Still too fresh :(

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Krista

I think I have forgiveness down.
How do I deal with people in my life that refuse to forgive me??
How do I move forward with my life/business while I’m dealing with it?

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marie

Hi Krista! Great question. Here’s the thing, you may be great at forgiving others, but are you good at forgiving YOURSELF?

Step one is to ensure you truly apologized in a way that ensures they “got it.” (I did a video on the BEST way to do that here http://www.youtube.com/marieforleo#p/u/11/y63J3JnSsZI)

Then you have to forgive yourself and keep moving. They’ll come around when they’re ready. xo M

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Heather

“…but are you good at forgiving YOURSELF?” Wow, you saw right through that one, didn’t you? Krista, I’m so glad you asked that question because I too have been looking at forgiveness is something that others bestowed on you, but really, everything begins and ends with us. We really are the masters of our lives.

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Krista

Heather, you’re so right–it all begins and ends with me.
I’m right in the middle of a situation right now where I get to practice that principle.

Good to know I’m not alone! :)
…a girl needs a good “I hear ya!” every once in a while.

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Krista

MARIE! That video was SO helpful!
Combined with all the wisdom in MEMWY, it’s all clicking into place.

I recommend your content to everyone I can–it’s 100% usable and applicable.
THANK YOU!

I think I need one of those “bullshit” buttons…

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Pat

I want jeans like that! LOL
Thanks for the Buddha quote it really puts an image in my head. I am not one to want “revenge” but I do keep grudges like there is no tomorow. THanks for putting stuff into perspective and as always YOU ROCK MAMA!

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Melanie

You know when you come across a poem, or song, or movie, and it arrives to you in the exact right moment, so you feel it was created just for you? That’s how I feel about this video.

Asking myself: What would love do?

Thank you, Marie!
Melanie

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Melissa Cassera

You’re awesome Marie – it’s like you were inside my head today. I was having a really bummy week and this was a nice bright spot. I really liked both the Buddha quote and also the question” Is what I’m doing or thinking going to bring me happiness?” I think that stuck the most. As soon as I said it to myself I felt the crease remove from my forehead and my breath felt a little deeper and cleaner. Kind of like something ugly was leaving my body. So thank you for this insight and all of your insights. Psyched for SYSoul :-)

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Miranda

Love it! Would be tough to forgive someone for murdering your parents (OW!) but if you keep in mind it’s for your well being (put down the hot coals!) and not for the murderers, then it seems more doable. Though I hope NONE of us are ever in that situation.

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Michelle Scarafile

Love the Jack Johnson quote “Love is the answer, at least, for most of the questions in my heart.” Ultimately, forgiveness is for you, not the other person. Loved the post Marie. Thanks. YOU ROCK!

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marie

Yes Michelle! One of my FAV Jack Johnson lyrics of all time!!

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victoria

this was pretty cool, one thing I learned is it really does hold you back, and a waste of energy. I can’t afford wasted energy these days, time is too precious..

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Sandra Joseph

Okay, not fair to show the jeans but not tell what they are! Who are you wearing, girl?! I just bought AG’s Farrah jeans. Similar 70′s vibe but yours are better. I need that leg-lengthening seam down the front with my 5’3″ self. Day-um!

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marie

Free People! Free People! BONUS: they stretch.

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Vasso

That was a really hot subject to discuss! If I want to be honest … I am not sure I am doing forgiveness! What I am doing is what is … forgetness! I take the lesson from the situation that has upsent me and then forget the event and the person involved! I like the question … “What would love do?” I will work on it … and am looking forward to the results.

Those jeans … are as hot as the subject discussed!

As always … you rock Marie!!

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debbie

Booya Marie and the jeans! :-) To feel forgiveness, you gotta forgive..(Manic Street Preachers)

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Kate Northrup

Big love for you Marie! This video made me tear up…and then you said “Booyah Buddha” and I giggled. Seriously, the way you take the heavy stuff, make it practical, make it count, and then lighten it up is brilliant! My big take away was asking myself “what would love do?” Great question to guide pretty much every decision in my life, forgiveness related or not. Thanks hon!

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Joy Wilder

Awesome topic. Love the movie reference – I want to see it! “What would Love do”…great stuff!

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Brad

I always enjoy positive messages, no matter where they came from, and that’s why I signed up for your newsletter.

Back in the early ’90′s I was recruited heavily by a radio station and after I got there my supervisor – the one who had recruited me – turned out to be the biggest pain in my *** in my entire life. He was always the first one to volunteer to help in a situation but the last one to show up. Long story short, he fired me from my dream job and then told everyone I quit. And then gave me bad references for the next 10 years.

The only thing that kept me from doing something REALLY EVIL to that guy was knowing ending up in prison wasn’t worth it. In that scenario, he wins again.

Creating space and distance from that situation definately helped, but the ultimate goal is finally to forgive and forget, otherwise, like you said, it becomes a very big burden to carry. You can’t move on or be creative until you drop it.

I wish someone would have pounded that into my head 20 years ago. Sometimes it can be VERY hard, but it’s the truth and what is ultimately the best.

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Giulietta Nardone

Marie,

a) Sounds like a beautiful film I’d like to see. Thanks for mentioning it. Perhaps, if we all practiced honesty and forgiveness – people and governments – genocides would not happen in the first place.

b) Enjoyed the reframe, “What would love do?” Really helpful. Why is love so hard for us humans? What is it about vulnerability that makes folks take a step back?

Thx, G.

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Hannah Marcotti

Last year I had the amazing opportunity to forgive in a way that I truly never thought I would be able to. When I opened my heart up with compassion and forgiveness to myself and to the one who I was forgiving, I knew that they must also learn to forgive themselves, and through my love, I think that has happened. (And then I won a ticket to RHH and life has never been the same, side note)

I love the Buddha quote, but most of all I love how you deliver these Tuesday inspirations. When the words come from you, they impact all of us, because of your truthfulness and beauty of spirit is an energy that is contagious. xo

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Anne Samoilov

First of all – hot jeans.
Second of all – forgiveness is an art…and I totally agree that having the heart and bravery to forgive (in spite of everything in you that might want to do otherwise) is one of the keys to ultimate happiness. I’m still working on my masterpiece and just watching this video made me realize that I have a few places that require immediate attention. Thanks again…for all these heartfelt and amazing videos!
xoAnne

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Susanne

Hey Marie,

just wanted to say, I enjoy watching your videos so much, not only because you’re just the sweetest, but also for all the great and down-to-earth advice.

All the best,
Susanne

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Ruth Callejas

This is great. Makes us all sit back and take a look at ourselves first. If we would all practice this a little more the world would be a much better place.

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Kim White

What would love do??? Love is probably the most difficult muscle to flex when you’re hurt. Brilliant!!

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Andrea Sydow

love the hot coal throwing buddha thing. thank you!

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Stacey

Thanks so much for the great video! I really appreciate your suggestions for how to extend forgiveness and the story of the woman in Rwanda was SO powerful. I also love the “Booyah Buddah” moment!

For me, forgiveness usually means reframing the story I’m telling. I think Byron Katie says it bet, “Forgiveness is discovering that what you thought happened, didn’t. You realize that there was never anything to forgive.”

Katie’s “The Work” is a simple yet profound process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question your stressful thoughts. It can be especially helpful when you want to forgive someone—or at least when you realize your resentment toward them is hurting you.

If the Work isn’t your thing, I also love the Loving Kindness Meditation.

I begin by repeating the following phrase over and over.

May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.

I direct it to myself first, and then extend it to my loved ones. Finally, when I’m able, I include the person with whom I’m having the most difficulty. Something almost always shift inside and I feel so much better.

I’ve learned that forgiveness is always something I do for me first, and then, like you said, it has the effect of augmenting the happiness of everyone else around me, which is also important to me.

Thanks again for this thoughtful and thought-provoking post/video!

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marie

Thank you Stacey for bringing up Byron Katie and The Work! I’m a HUGE fan of it. Highest recommendations.

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Stacey

So glad (but not surprised) that you are a fan, too! Her question “Is it true?” kicks my stressful thought or judgment in the butt every time. :-)

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Martha

The loving kindness meditation is very powerful for me. Thank you, Stacey.
I am doing this right now as I’m typing with a current situation I find myself in.
Martha

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Stacey

Hey Martha!

Thanks for letting me know the Loving Kindness Meditation resonated with you. I’d love to hear if it helps with your current situation. Much love and light to you!

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Martha

Hi Stacey,
I wanted to follow up as I have been saying this prayer, but I sent the prayer over the weekend to one person I am angry with. I am still angry, but it feels so much better that I am trying to move on as I know it is so unhealthy to hold in anger and resentment.

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Roxanne

When someone does me wrong, I tend not to have thoughts of vengence or revenge. However, in my current situation I was dismissed from my job because the school was unable to resolve a grievance I was having (they changed my hours from 36 per week to 50 per week and refused to adjust my salary when I have a contract that clearly states I am paid hours per class.) Come to find out, the school has only been paying me 28 hours per week for the last three years (I work at a school in Brazil and didn’t understand the salary receipts.) If they acturately adjusted my salary, it would nearly be double… so instead they fired me. Then they tired to trick me into signing a statement saying I was discharge WITH justification in order not to pay severance. Well, long story short, I am taking them to court. What they did was wrong. Now I’m unemployed but it is OK because I have a plan… and after submitting all the info to the attorneys, I ‘let it go’ so I could get down to business and write and put into action a new business proposal. Do I forgive the school? I think forgiveness is not hanging on to the anger and being a victim. Turn the situation around and move on with your life. Expressing my forgivness comes when they admit they were wrong. P.S. Marie, I met you in LA during a Christian Carter seminar in 2007… thanks for all your support!

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Beverly

Thank you so much for today’s topic. My insights concern my holding anger against myself for past actions I consider unforgiveable as well as resentments against others-soem of whom are in my life today. I am a creative person and there is no doubt that carrying this burden has BLOCKED my music, my career and my life. I am willing to let all that go and move forward. CLUNK!!!!! There it went! Thank you and big, big hug! Bev

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Holly Gonzalez

What Would Love Do?…brilliant, beautiful, truth…love it! And yes, as stated above in the comments…the most important (and difficult) aspect of forgiveness, is learning to forgive yourself.

Bad ass jeans too, btw ; )

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maybelline

i look forward to all your tuesday newsletters and have learned a lot. thanks for your smart divalicious videos and amazing joie de vivre!

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Alice

Love it. From the jeans to the self evaluation to asking what would love do…

Briiliant. Entertaining… and applicable in my own life.

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Laura Hagan

Yes! Forgiveness is CRUCIAL in being successful in business! I recently posted my “Eval Tool” for my readers which is a quick monthly “Chickity-check yo self before you wreck yo self”! I monthly take an eval of my successes/ failures as they relate to my personal life and family relationships. When something in my personal life is off kilter… my business is off too! Thanks as always, Marie! -Laura

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Luetta L.

Hi Marie,

I could not agree with you more. I have worked a lot in the last two years on exercising my forgiveness muscle. One important question for me is: What is my responsibility in this situation? Sometimes, we allow or enable people or situations that are unhealthy and/or hurtful to us. It is important to see our part, if any, in the circumstances. Last but not least, my favorite quote regarding unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison & expecting someone else to die.

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marie

Luetta – excellent, excellent point on “What is my responsibility in this situation?”

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Nichole Kellerman

Wow, Marie this was awesome thank you so much for you beautiful wisdom.

xox
Nichole

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Mary Ann

Great video! My question however is this … what if the person who has done you wrong and hurt you immensely isn’t seeking forgiveness from you? What if they could care less that what they have done has hurt you deeply? I know for myself I could let these feelings “go” if the other party acknowledged their wrongdoing and wanted to apologize, but it’s not so easy when someone doesn’t even care about how and what their actions caused another person to feel.

Any thoughts? Thanks!!

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marie

Hi Mary Ann! Yes. First, read through the comments here. There are some brilliant insights and resources from our smart readers.

Second, forgiveness ultimately begins and ends with YOU. The act of real forgiveness frees up your energy, your heart, your love and your attention so you can move on.

Remember, the only person in this world you have any control over, is you. Start there and the rest handles itself.

xo M

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PK

I second what Mary Ann said – Marie, your stories today around forgiveness include the concept that you yourself can look at yourself and see where you went wrong, and are sorry. I’m assuming in the end of the film, the murderer is sorry and/or asking for forgiveness. Every time I try to work forgiveness, I come back to what to do when “the person who has done you wrong and hurt you immensely isn’t seeking forgiveness from you? What if they could care less that what they have done has hurt you deeply?”

I think Roxanne March 29, 2011 at 12:39 pm touches on the answer to this when she said “I think forgiveness is not hanging on to the anger and being a victim.” But, I would like to hear/know more about that side of forgiveness.

Great discussion & food for thought – thank you.

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Luetta L.

Hi Mary Ann,

We don’t forgive others for them. We forgive people for us……. In my post I say unforgiveness is like drinking poison & expecting someone else to die. Unforgiveness is a festering pus filled sore that is deep inside us. The longer it exists the more poison it produces & usually the bigger it gets. This hurts us, not the person we are angry with. It restricts our energy that could be used creatively or physically to pursue & manifest our dreams. The sore requires energy to live & it sucks it from us, the carrier. Unforgiveness is a parasite. When we can honestly forgive someone, the parasite dies, leaving us healthy & whole again. If we focus on our journey we won’t have time or energy to give to how they are doing or what they are doing. Actually, we don’t want to send energy there way, we want to focus ALL our energy on our success. Whatever karma they build WILL come back to them. That applies equally to us. If we conscientiously deposit forgiveness to others in the ‘Universal Bank Account’, we are building a ‘savings account’ of future forgiveness for ourselves. When we can truly forgive ourselves, we can truly forgive others. I hope this helps.

Luetta

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Judith

I love love those Jeans! Who makes them?! I think great minds think alike. Although my Princess Perception this week is about balance. My next one is about anger and forgiveness too! You are right, Buddah is right – anger does hurt ourselves more. Forgiveness is not being submissive, it’s saying “I love myself more” than to go to anger and resentment – and I’ve made mistakes too!

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marie

Jeans by Free People :)

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Chiara

Hi Marie,
I’m Chiara from Italy. Let me say that I love your crazy way to do this job! Great! Such an inspiration. Thank you from Italy!
Chiara

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Jayne

Lovely video, lovely jeans..love, love, love! Forgiveness is a biggie issue, learning to drop unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness has seen my creativity blossom, and there have been other benefits. But that was so noticeable it releases soooo much energy. Thank God for the constant reminders. Marie you are ze video queen.. x

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Tiffany

I want to forgive so I can move on but it is very hard when the person who hurt you is dishonest and denies ever doing wrong. How do you forgive someone for something that was very mean, hurtful, and purposeful, but for which they will not admit or take any responsibility for?

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marie

Hi Tiffany! Read my response to Mary Ann above!

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Leslie

I think of the “SERENITY NOW”! moment on Seinfeld when George’s dad screams that every time he needs to relax – cracks me up and puts me in a better spot

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Laura

Love the Buddha Booyah moment! And seriously, those jeans are rocking!

Love is THE answer and should be practiced on a daily basis. It’s so vital to show yourself that love first because you can’t fudge it with someone else. Truly appreciate that good vibration of whatever it is that makes you smile; a sunny day, a walk in nature, clean laundry, people smiling, good food, groovy jeans, etc. Harness that inner beauty then amplify it outward. Marry that love with gratitude and know that you are capable of forgiveness.

Thanks for Sharing Marie!
(((HUGS)))

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Dawn Allen

Hey Marie,
Awesome video post today, LOVED it! I’ve worked a LOT with forgiveness in my own life out of necessity… my mother was married to a man who made sexual advances towards me for 20+ years starting from when I was a teenager, until he finally turned around and molested my 10 year old daughter.

A few years after my mother had finally divorced him (and I had done a TON of not just forgiveness work, but also taking it to the next level & trying to find appreciation for the events that had transpired), I ran into my stepfather purely by accident (although are there any really?).

Because of the work I had done and realizing I was no longer the victim of circumstances, I walked up to him and gave him a hug. I let go of about 35 years of fear I’d had towards that man in that instant and felt only total compassion, forgiveness and love. It was life-transforming.

I’ve since found it to be my greatest work in life in being able to help other women ‘heal the love that hurt’ and learn to release the past with love.

Sometimes our greatest struggles turn into our greatest gifts :)

Thanks so much again for all the amazing work you do… love you to pieces, chick-a-dee :)

Blessings, love and light,
Dawn

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Liz Longacre

Great video Marie. Sometimes you have to forgive even when it’s not being asked for if the person feels they’ve done no wrong. I became a different person after I forgave someone not too long ago. The anger and resentment I carried for years was only weighing me down. Once I shifted my perspective I was actually able to see how their “wrongs” helped shaped very important parts of who I am – parts of me that I am truly grateful for. So in forgiving I found appreciation. It was liberating.

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Karie Hill

Q & A Tuesday, bitchesss!!! This was a toughy, Marie, but I’m so glad you chose that question. “What would love do” might be one of the best things I’ve ever heard. I think that little phrase can be applied anywhere and completely change your perception. This video came at the perfect time and I will be putting your words into practice. With so much love!

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Brandi

I’ve found in some situations it’s best to forgive and walk away. This is a lesson I have learned in the last 6 months. I think that sometimes when you know that a situation is going to keep rearing it’s head. That it is best for everyone’s happiness to just let the relationship go.

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Jen

The jeans rock Marie – but the message is a love song. Thank you for the reminder. “What would love do?” That’s going on my facebook status for today, baby! Forgiveness is true power.

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BECCA

Your amazing Maria! Love the way you share your wisdom and authenticity! :) Thank you for dedicating your life to sharing these truths with us. As we apply this to our lives and teach others what we learn from you, this can spread like wildfire and change the world, one life at a time! Forgivness is freedom!

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Anita Carter

Enjoying the Q&A Tuesdays – Your presentation is so genuine, lively and real. More importantly your words of wisdom makes me think twice about how I am living my life.

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BECCA

***Marie! :) sorry for the mispelling!

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Theresa D'Ambrose

Hey Marie! What I love most about forgiveness is that it gives us the opportunity for growth around compassion. If you can forgive and fine tune your lens of compassion, growth in some way, shape, or form WILL happen. I think those are the most insightful, valuable, lessons that we can ask for. So, I welcome any situation where I can forgive someone! I know I’ll get something juicy myself ;)

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Jessilicious

Hey Marie! :)

Insight #1: Turning it around to ME and looking back over my life at all of the mistakes that I’VE made and seeing it all from that perspective. What a great way to shift my perspective and to be able to experience COMPASSION for the person who has hurt me.

Insight #2: LOVED the quote from Buddha – A great reminder that holding on to that anger and resentment only hurts ME in the end.

Fabulous video, as always, Marie! :)

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Gracie Macie

Marie:

Your are the Cirque-de-Solei of woman logic! You have the natural ability to make it so easy. I have such a hard time with forgiveness and was just thinking about how much time it consumes in my day.
Someone told me negative energy and positive energy can’t live in the same room. The room becomes dysfunctional and just doesn’t work. Jim Cramer would be so proud of your Buyha to Budda.

Grace

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Olga

Cool, cool, cool! Thank you, Marie, for all this information and for bringing you wisdom and experience into the world!
I think “waht would love do?” might be a very powerful and useful phrase!
Thanks!
Love,
Olga.

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Sallie Ann

Saying, “What would love do,” kind of wraps the whole situation in a different light and changes your vibe. That’s a good one. And as someone who is non-confrontational, and a bit (uh-hum) passive aggressive, I know that holding anger is like holding a hot coal. If something isn’t serving you, shed it!

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Sukhi

BooYa Buddha!

You are hilarious and awesome! My wife put me on to you and I can see why.
This is what Love would do…. : )

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Heather

Boo YA! Thanks for making me giggle like an idiot alone in Starbucks when I heard that! I love that quote. For years I carried anger at someone close to me for “doing me wrong” and only recently have I been slowly allowing myself to forgive them – it’s like an enormous weight is being lifted. Perhaps it’s time to pick up the pace. Thanks Marie!

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Pam French

Forgiveness gives life. I forgave my boyfriend of 4 years after he decided he wanted to be single, he forgave me after I married another guy. We got back together and now we have four sons, one of them is 15 today!! In two weeks we’ll be celebrating 24 years of wedded bliss. Yeah forgiveness rocks!!
Peace, Pam
P.S. It’s so crazy, I just used the same Buddha quote today! I love Marie, hope to meet you on May 12th, the day after my Birthday! I think that’s a sign.

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Mitch

Hi Pam,

Forgiveness is a beautiful gift we give to ourselves and the people we know and love. I was touched by your post as you talked about the journey of you and your husband. Congrats on the 24 years of wedded bliss. Since we don’t know one another I was hoping I could be so bold as to ask you a personal question…How did you and hubby get back together after you were married to someone else? It sounds like a beautiful story, with powerful lessons learned about love and forgiveness. I ask because I am married to the wrong person and I hope I can reunite with the love of my life.

Have a great day!

Mitch

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Christina

Ohhh I can’t wait until May! We are very lucky, sooooo lucky!

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Donna

Awesome! As usual, you deliver. I love the three things! Very practical. Buddha quotes rock! Thanks Marie!

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Laura Macias

Booyah Buddha! LOVE this post…thanks Marie. As always, I’m walking away with something learned and a smile.

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Sarah Johnson

I am still cracking up from the “Boo Ya Buddha” line….it was hilarious. Your post has really resonated with me….FORGIVENESS….is such a powerful act. It wasn’t until I reached mid-adulthood did I even realize how practicing forgiveness is medicine for the soul.

When we hold on malice and regret, we stifle our own growth….

FORGIVE = GIVING FORTH

A really great book which addresses this said topic is Colin Tippin….Radical Forgiveness.

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Dana

I so needed that today! Life is so short and we waste so much time on such silly things like being mad and angry. Nice to have that reminder of what is important. Love the three, especially ‘what would love do’. And yes what a great Buddha quote!!! And of course, LOVE the jeans ;) Thank you for the video. Dana

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Theresa Sheridan

I didn’t speak with my sister for over a decade because of previous hurts. We started to patch things up, and not even a year later, she did it to me again!
How does one forgive when another intentionally hurts?

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Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady

Hi Theresa (great name by the way LOL)! I have a similar issue. I’ve forgiven people again and again – only to be hurt again and again. I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do is forgive a person but then simply let it go and walk away. Just because I forgive someone doesn’t mean I need to be a whipping post. Boundaries are just as spiritual as forgiveness.

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Theresa Sheridan

Thanks Theresa! That’s kind of where I’m at, it’s just extra unfortunate that it’s my sister.
Moving on!

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Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady

Theresa, sometimes your birth family is not your spiritual family. Surround yourself with other healthy relationships and perhaps accept that this one may not be in that category. You can always bless her and send her on her way. :)

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Annina

Brilliant as always, Marie – thanks

the two things I took away from this video:
The movie recommendation – I am very interested in the reconciliation/forgiveness work in Rwanda

the three practical steps. I love this about your work, it’s not words words words, it’s practical.

Cool stuff!
love
Annina

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R

Great job with this challenging topic!!!

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Kristin Morris

What would love do… I’ve used (I sub in Jesus – it works). Fave is definitely the Buddha quote. One of my strategies is to really know that when you hold on to resentment and don’t forgive, it’s YOU that is hurting not the actual recipient. They don’t feel a thing… so, let it GO! Thx Marie. Luv yer pants.

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Stephanie Watanabe

I’m quite honestly speechless how your weekly videos address exactly what I’m going thru in my own life. Your words & ideas are extra helpful this week as I’m navigating through the weeds and really needing to forgive and move-on…I can literally feel it eating at me everyday. I’m going to put these awesome ideas to work. SO helpful Marie ~ thank you, thank you!!
And boo-to-the-yah for those jeans girl – H.O.T.! :)

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Shelita

Awesome! and thanks for touching on this subject. Loving the quote by “Booyah Buddha” LOL;-) WOW…Forgiveness such a simple word but is means so much! When its all said and done, who is the one truly hurt… is it you or the person who hurt you? Think about and just LET IT GO!

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Denise Duffield-Thomas

Forgiveness is something that has changed my life – it has really set me free in a lot of ways. I realised it’s a constant process – there’s always more to forgive and to make peace with!

My other insight from this video – “What would Love do?” – I keep getting snarky emails from a family member but now I have compassion for her – she’s lonely, getting old and sick and probably feeling neglected. What would love do? Get in touch with her more and make her feel loved.

Thanks as always Marie

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Prada Madonna

This topic is so spot on for me! Being the drama queen, I LOVE revenge and have always tried to inflict the same pain I felt onto the person who hurt me. I have lost many friends because of this, hoping they realize the “error” of their ways even if cost the friendship. Being compassionate and loving is hard do to when you are hurt. I suppose there is a happy medium between forgiving someone and keeping a healthly distance from them versus all-out relationship destruction. I also believe toxic situations come into one’s life for a reason and perhaps if one is more loving, more healthly situations or people appear. Whew! Great topic Marie! Keep them coming!

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Sharon

My trouble is the person I have forgiven many times in the past year takes me for granted and treats me like every company problem is my fault. I’ve taken to just being quiet around her as much as possible to give her less ammo. Unfortunately she’s my boss so I can’t completely ignore her. Any suggestions to break the ice and gain her respect?

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Samar

Hi Marie,

Ofcourse there r not enough words to express admiring ur book, webiste & certainly life attitude in enlightening females allover the world. However, may I share with u a personal experience. You can forgive people who are appologizing and sensing how much they hurted ur feelings. They don’t have 2 say sorry, you certainly can feel it in their eyes. However, u definetely can not forgive others who want to go on in the relationships either friendship or love by their own rules. They hurt but should never be blamed coz it was never intended from their side & coz they don’t see that u suffered that much & they see u r overreacting. A very self centered attitude that I faced lately & what truelly surprised me is that they see they r not to be blamed yet they want to keep up the relationship coz they r interested & benefited in many ways. In such a case, I don’t think forgiveness is a good choice coz it’ll b a kind of green light for them that I take it lightly & why not hurt me again if I didn’t object to it in the first place. Forgiveness is a virtue that must be shared only with those who value it, worked hard for it & finally deserve it, otherwise it ‘ll be worthless & taken for granted. Again, thx for ur v.inspiring videos, posts & comments :)

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Sheira

Hello Samar:
The interesting thing I’ve found about forgiveness is that it doesn’t matter what the other person does. It’s really all about you and what not forgiving them is doing to YOU. You, in fact, do not need to subject yourself to their unhealthy attitude toward you. You’re the one that needs to let go and move on. And if that means getting out of the relationship, then so be it. But at least you will have removed yourself without all the anger and animosity that stirs up your soul. I heard another really great quote about resentment recently: “Resentment is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die.”…….resentment can physically affect you and your health and it’s just not worth it because we all know life’s too short. So if you can start visualizing the resentment as an object on your body and under your skin and start watching it dissolve, then you’ve started the act of forgiveness. It doesn’t mean you’re OK with what they’re doing – that’s not at all what forgiveness is. It’s more about realizing that what they’re doing is coming from a place of their own insecurity and issues and that their problems don’t have to be your problems. Sorry for the very long email; I’m just another person who’s very passionate about this subject and also someone who it’s helped tremendously over the years. Good luck!

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Samar

Hi Sheira,

Thx for ur concerned reply. I keep reciting ur words: It doesn’t mean you’re OK with what they’re doing – that’s not at all what forgiveness is. It’s more about realizing that what they’re doing is coming from a place of their own insecurity and issues and that their problems don’t have to be your problems.

Still speechless .Yes, that’s what forgiveness is all about :)

Good luck to u too.

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Vanessa

This has been very helpful to me. Thanks !

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Julie Hilton

Hot jeans, Mama! And very hot insight into forgiveness. I clung to my anger at my ex-husband for 10 years until I finally let it go. Life was so much easier. I have two people I loved dearly who have decided to write me out of their lives because of a serious misunderstanding. I have forgiven them, but I’m not holding on to hope that they will forgive me. We all have our own perceptions and needs for hurt & anger. They will have to come to their own realization. I miss the good times we once had, but I don’t need the pain. Looking forward to more insights & love.
Booyah, Pretty Girl!

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Kaori

Hi, Marie. Here is my honest comment. Forgiveness will come to your mind, when terrible things stopped and see any signs of them for a while. In my case, the feeling of forgiveness is something to consider later in the future. Defenitely not now. One more comment. I am OK with the current environment and full of energy to join the session of Selling Your Soul. I sent the materials for the event: Selling Your Soul on 28 March, 2011. It should reach you a few days later. Thanks.

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Kaori

Hi, Marie. Here is my honest comment. Forgiveness will come to your mind, when terrible things stopped and you see no sign of them for a while. In my case, the feeling of forgiveness is something to consider later in the future. Definetely not now. One more comment. I am OK with my current environment and full of energy to join the session: Selling Your Soul. I sent the material for it on 28 March, 2011. It should reach you a few days later. Thanks.

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Tara

word up homey! you are so right, thanks i needed this. :)

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Erika

Wow, I wish you would have done this video last week! I got done sooooo wrong on Wednesday. Though if I had heard this, I’m not sure I would have acted differently afterwards. I feel like my anger being channeled towards trying to make a difference in this particular organization will give me better piece of mind than simply forgiving. But hey, if that doesn’t work out, I know what step 2 should be!

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Dea

I love this! Made me rethink my feelings before I act and easily change my bad mood into a good one. Just don’t do anything that does not make us feel happy! Thank you for this post! Forgiveness and acceptance are neither weak nor passive acts. They are acts of great courage.

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Tania Santana-Santos

It is super hard to forgive betrayal but I am working very hard to put it behind me and move on. I will remember your “what would love do” and the quote that is sooooo true!

Thanks for your awesome videos!
Tania

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Rasa

Dear Marie,

Thank you so much for your efforts to help us. Your advice is very helpful to me!

Best,
Rasa

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Andrea Sydow

Ever experienced Radical Forgiveness? http://www.radicalforgiveness.com Forgiveness easy to do by shifting your energy and saying good bye to Victimland

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Juli

Hey, wait a minute!….I wanted to get a better look at those jeans! :-) Thanks for making immensely important lessons fun and practical.

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Lisa Kennedy Watrous

loved that! crazy thing is… I have that same quote up on the media board in my kitchen! great minds think alike :) thanks so much for your love & insight. fabulous, as always!

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eric gabriel

Oh My Butt Huggers! I forgive you for not showing us your butt… :P Great stuff Marie and the Buddha quote sums up forgiveness so totally completely, We only Hurt ourselves by not practicing it… the one thing I have a hard time forgiving is people that mis-represent themselves, I really hate being deceived, such is life… I forgive them because they no not what they do and will someday… Taking that hot coal and stoking the fires within allows me to move on… Peace and Love, Eric

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Claire Stone

I so love it. As far as I can tell, being angry with someone literally affects every moment of your life. And even if you don’t ‘feel’ angry, the stress that carrying the anger around puts your body (and digestive processes) under, is soooo destructive!

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Diana Dorell

Dear Marie,
THANK YOU Kick Ass Dancing Goddess! Another rockin’ video-I really resonated with the question: “What would Love do?”

When we can leap from our logical mind/Ego self into our “Big-Girl/Goddess/God/Higher Self”, not only do creative solutions present themselves, but we clear the energy so that more love can rush into us and those we care about.

Thank you!
Love and Light,
Diana Dorell

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Heidi DeCoux

Insight #1: I can control my upset and it is only hurting me. People do whatever they do and I get to chose how I react. If I chose to be angry, upset or resentful – I’m not hurting them or getting back at them, I’m hurting me.

Insight #2: Love would forgive. If I’m committed to being loving, giving love and living in a world filled with love, I need to forgive.

I watched an special about a woman who forgave a man who had raped and murdered her daughter. This woman (like the woman in the story you told) was clearly committed to making a difference for this man and living in a world filled with love.

Because of this woman’s compassion and love, the man turned his life around while in prison and is now out living a productive life and is working to prevent other men from doing what he did.

After hearing the mans story I realized that he himself was holding onto a ton of resentment, anger and upset from his childhood. This is what drove him to do what he did. If he had chosen to let that go – chosen love – he would not have committed that crime.

It’s a domino effect.

Are we committed to living in a loving world or a hateful world?

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Bernadete Martinelli

Hey Maria,
I just recently was sucker punched from a person who sold me a car. Because I surround myself with good, honest, inspiring people, I was not prepared for a lying lowlife scumbag who I trusted and believed what he told me.

I felt so stupid to be conned and the person I am having a hard time to forgive is myself. I also feel I can’t trust anyone right now – so now I have to forgive and eventually learn to trust again.

I really believe that whatever we put out will come back 10 fold, so I know he will get his just due, but it was a sucker punch I was not expecting and it hurt in so many ways.

Why is it that, just when I think I’ve got it figured out, life reminds me I am human and I will continue to make mistakes as long as I am alive.

Lesson learned: don’t be so trusting and do my homework!

Thanks Marie

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Lori O'Hara

Love the jean!!!!!!

I like the way you think

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deb

Boo Ya….. make sure your health insurance is up to date before you pick up that hot coal. Thanks Marie for all the input :)

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Priya Florence Shah

Love the tips, Marie. Forgiveness is a big pointy rock for me too. You rock, girl. And I love the jeans!

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TYLEE

Marie. You’re like my “WHITE CHOCOLATE SISTA GIRL FROM ANOTHER WORLD”!!! And I love every moment you spend blessing us wih your wisdom and savy! Girl your on another level!!!!

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grasie

damn girl! you are HOT HOT HOT!!! i mean you always look fantastic but you are seriously smoking in this video. and those jeans…YES!
ok per usual, fantastic content and moving stuff. thanks for being so bad ass. xo

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bonitarose

Loved your video.. I am a new fan.. u are fabulous xo

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Freea

HI Marie,
Love this, like all of your vids! One quick thing I wanted to share…For, me and perhaps not everyone else agrees with this, the volume of the background music in the vids is a little loud & forces your amazing content to compete. I have even had to relisten to some of the vids, because I am so distracted by it, even when I am really focused fully, I am not getting all the content(not receiving and experiencing it the way I would like to)…It is just not coming through in a powerful way for me. I catch myself saying “wait, what did she just say?” This is intended as a positive constructive critique. I love you and have spent over $2000. on your info products and they have been worth every penny. XO

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kyounger

This is timely for me. I have been having a thang with unforgiveness for too long. It must be time to deal with it. The messages are coming to me in all forms and fashion. Thanks again and keep doing you!!!!!!!!!!

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Tom

Maria,
as usually amazing and inspiring, and very awesome presented. HOWEVER, I never thought that might happen but partially I disagree with you. FORGIVNESS -what a strong word. let me bring this to the point:
1) Yes you are absolutley right we all are humans, we all make mistakes and we all screw up and sometimes unintentionally hurt people. That happens to all of us – we are NOT perfect BUT
2) If people hurt you in ways that are different, intentionally and really to the extend where you heart burns out than I suggest always to do what I did twice (I have been cheated on by two woman ((not at the same time LOL)) and I dont take that so I do forgive her BUT still dont ever want to see her again, I can forgive her to the point where I dont plan on hurting her as form of revange but once I have accepted her appology she can leave, never come back and never call me again, I could never trust that person ever again not for a second. HURTING somebody intentionally leaves scares and I have many of those what brought me to the point that I have a hard time trusting today especially trusting woman in relationhip things.

2) now to the movie, This person must be a better person as I am, no not must be she is a better person, could I forgive that man, sure, but that does not mean I would forgive him to the point where he avoids proper punishment. Say for example it would be my parents (I am in Texas) he gets death penalty and he asks forgivness – definitly yes for my own peace of mind and soul but that does not mean I would run now in all my happiness to the governor and ask for his release, I fogive him if he honestly repents for what he has done.

It seems like you are a far better person than I am, and I really admire you on that. it is easy said forgiveness once one has been hurt to the extend.

I remember what my old mama used to say: I can forgive but that does not mean I can forget

Anyway enough ranting I dont want to take off too much of yoru time, you are awesome and I really love your videos they are very inspiring and I look forward to the next one.
T

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DivineYoganista

Booya Buddha! That’s a good one to think about and super relevant since one of my employees quit -without notice- the day before I was due to take that long awaited vacation. BUT it all worked out and I did take my vacation! Took 3 to 4 days before I could really digest and forgive but the beach really helped in that case! :-)

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Deborah

Hi Marie,

Lots of expanded thinking in this video, which I love, and the accolades have been well covered here. I’d like to bring up a small but possibly significant point about something you said early on, which may need some clarification: You suggested that instead of brewing in resentment over what someone else did to me, I instead take a look at my own life and where I might have done others wrong. I believe that what you’re referring to is a degree of personal responsibility, and the noble (I would even say vital) quality of being accountable for your own life. But the way you said it, comparing the being-done-wrong with the doing-wrong side by side, actually took away some of that accountability. It was as if you were suggesting I judge what I’ve done in relation to what others have done – bringing it to this messy and counter-productive place of “I’m better” or “I’m worse,” and potentially causing someone’s anger and hurt to be compounded by either righteous indignation (if the comparison yields “I’m better”) or defeat and resignation (if “I’m worse” – like “I deserved it”). Do you know what I mean?

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Llyane

…so definitely there are no coincidences in life, only serendipity, if you let it. :)
There is a boyfriend that I had about 15 years ago who did a huge wrong to me (I won’t get into details), and who I didn’t forgive since. Today, though, before watching Marie’s video, I clearly saw how I created the story around this guy, how he had nothing to do with either the ‘story of us’ or the ‘wrong doing’. It was all put together by me alone, only inspired by him and the surrounding circumstances. I am not saying that the wrong doing was fictitious, but my reaction to it was absolutely my trademark. It took me a long time to see it.
I am obviously hinting at the fact that we cannot control what others do, but we can control our reaction to it… when we get to see it :)

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Jonathan

Hey Marie,

I’m adding “perfect, butt hugging jeans” to my headline swipe file. It certainly got my attention. :)

I’m not sure how I’ll be able to relate that to something like a QuickBooks Upgrade article, but I’m sure I’ll find a way.

Thanks,

Jonathan

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Turomsha1052@gmail.com

Wonderful Post, Cheers

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Polly@smokefreecity.org

I think this one is just superb because I can really relate to it! Forgiving others is the only way to break a cycle of violence (whether physical or otherwise). As complex as it may be, consider the core reason why the Israeli/Palestinian conflict continues to this day. Plus, in order to forgive we must let go of our anger. If we continue to hold onto anger, it often leaks out against others who’ve committed no crime against us, as well as colors all our experiences, often ruining our ability to feel joy in many aspects of life.

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Shawn

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have held onto so much pain from the past. One of the people who continues to cause me this is my mother and I don’t even think she even realizes that her words hurt and make me feel like that little girl…nit no more. I will use the Buddah as my personal mantra! Thank you so much for all you provide us with. Oh, and by the way, can u give the brand of those jeans? So awsome!

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crushed

good advise, better than most..I’ve been done wrong,and unjust,I wish I could get to Anger,but I;m so crushed I can’t even get there..I hope everyone else does better than I. The thing is,I’ve never done anything that bad or evil to balance the statement”well I’ve done wrong,so therefore I need to forgive them too”,I just have to keep battling this depression because of this,and wish I had a father like Jesus did maybe I could have some sort of resolution.

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Bencage

Great response to forgiveness! Forgiving can be the toughest act but the biggest reward!

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shinazy

#BOBBism The best revenge is success.

So, take the energy and focus it into your Dream.
That other person must live with themself 24 hours, how sad it that.

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Aimee

Man….. you got me.. I have been holding on to some anger that I finally let go of but I realize now that I just been stuffing my anger and I need to let it go cause its doing nothing for me. Its affect my business, my personal life and my health. I needed to see this. Thanks Marie

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Dawn

I found forgiveness to be the foundation for being able to change my life. It was as simple as just not wanting to be angry anymore.
Although, some still have not forgiven me FOR forgiving those who have wronged me…as well as unable to accept that I have forgiven and let go, because they cannot forgive themselves.

It begins and ends with you…Key statement right there!!

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Andrea

Timing is a funny thing… I know this video has been up for a while, but I just came across it today. What had I spent the past hour doing? Writing about “how to determine whether or not you’re living ‘love’”. Perfect. Timing.

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Candice

Hi Marie! You’re awesome. I love the Buddha quote. I’ve always believed that forgiveness is something you do for yourself. “Resentment is the poison we take expecting our enemy to die.” Or something like that. I forget who said it. Also, I definitely think that being able to forgive others comes from an ability to forgive yourself. I love you lots! XOXO

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Sarah

Thank you so much, your timing couldn’t have been better. Brilliant insight to turn it around on myself. I also love the idea behind what would love do. What if the person who blamed me and cost me my job was my older brother? Just those two different perspectives made me stop and think about where they might have been coming from, and maybe even what fear made them act the way they did. I know how a simple mistake or bad decision can escalate into a monster with a life of its own. I have really struggled to forgive but after two years I think I am finally letting go and getting my perspective right, I just don’t want these thoughts to be part of my life anymore. I now just need to remember who I am when I am around them or have to deal with them, I feel like a different person and I don’t want them to have that power over me.

Thanks again, I really appreciate your weekly enthusiasm and encouragement.

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Sarah

I think the reason I have found it so hard to forgive is that there was no admission or wrong doing, being treated with disrespect does make me question why, is there something wrong with me, is it my fault, etc. Standing up for myself cost me a job I loved and I was still left wondering why. I still believe I did the right thing. So to let it go I have to forgive someone who thinks they did no wrong. This is where I find it hard to then have to continue to see them, I forgive them finally but I do not want to talk to them or even have to acknowledge them so I still feel like I am holding that hot rock a little bit.
:-(

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Sarah

Great comments above, think I might drop those rocks now :-)

Thanks everyone.

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Sydney

I just stumbled upon your blog and its amazing that I found this at the right time. I am going thru a break up with a man that I was head over heels in love with and from what he said I assumed he was too. Only to find out the day before my birthday that he has an account on Plenty of Fish. All emotions have come out… anger, hurt, pain, revenge, just every emotion. When you said “What would love do” it made me think. This hasn’t been the first tiff we have been in but the question standing now is “how many times can love be the excuse to forgive?” maybe this is me holding on or maybe the stronger part grieving and letting go. either way, he has caused me to be insecure not only with myself but any man I would even consider dating…. Any advice to the situation?

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HARMAN

Just move on babes. Clearly he does not deserve you and you are definitely mature enough to understand that not all fingers are the same. You deserve to move on with better people and enjoy peace and happiness in your life!

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HARMAN

Luved it!!! Thank you so much for this awesome video.

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David

Lost a job I had for 13 years, 2 years ago. It’s very hard to forgive the man who did this to me. I try to find it in my heart to forgive, and use kindness and politeness towards those who are the cause of it. I believe being humble is the best attitude. I believe that there are good people out there who will see my skills and work experience and hire me. I believe in the Delai Lamas teachings of compassion. It’s better to free yourself from anger. Anger only eats you up inside.

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