Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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When I came across this question from Fred, a veteran business owner, I jumped to respond.

Fred’s question points to a universal cognitive tendency called negativity bias that affects us all.

It can wreak havoc on our ability to be effective and perform at our best, no matter how experienced or accomplished we are.

Left unchecked, negativity bias can steal thousands of hours of productive time and untold amounts of happiness and joy over a lifetime.

While what you’re about to learn won’t stop negativity bias from kicking in, I believe it can help you reduce your recovery time by at least 50%.

If negative thoughts ever hijack your brain and derail your efforts to be positive and productive, these 3 steps will help.

Let’s say a massive disappointment, comparison hangover, or garden variety rejection typically costs you approximately 4 hours of wasted time and energy per incident. What if you could get back to feeling and performing at your best in 2 hours or less?

When your brain gives more weight to the negative, remember you have the power to tip the scale. Click To Tweet

If you confront one negative event a week, these strategies could help you recover 260 hours over a 5 year period.

That means gaining 3 full weeks of time you would have otherwise lost to feeling bad about yourself and getting nothing worthwhile accomplished.

No matter what you estimate your numbers to be, training your brain to recover faster from negativity bias is a valuable endeavor.

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to know:

Has negativity bias ever caught you off guard or derailed your efforts to produce results? What’s helped you tame this part of your lizard brain? As mentioned in the show, let’s go beyond meditation and EFT in the comments.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in your reply. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be deleted as they come across as spammy.

I believe that every creative needs to know about negativity bias and have simple tools to combat its effects. Because negativity bias impacts everyone brave enough to share their work, art or ideas with the world.

If you have friends, clients or colleagues that get caught in negative thought loops, please share this post. Thank you so much for watching and joining the conversation.

With so much love,

XO

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312 comments

  1. Omg. This is my life! The negativity outweighting the success and positive! I noticed I didn’t celebrate positive feedback. But pay attention on negavtity more. Woahhhhh this about outsmarting our brain!!! I love love love love this!!! So what I do now is acknowledge what’s really going on instead of making crazy up. I’ve been tapping with EFT and meditation. Intentionally distracting me with my spirituality and real magic. Oh baby I love this episode! Welcome back!!!! And if anyone is in network marketing. Focus on the people that you have in your team actually showing up and caring about the company! Don’t care about those that aren’t. Bam.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Thanks for the welcome back, Bernard! Great to see you.

  2. Ha.

    Last week I was bummed by my unsubscribe. It was my first. I’m a 2017 B-Schooler and I didn’t have a list at all a few months ago.

    It was in the background of my mind for a few days. Then, I opened my mailchimp to see who it was, to torture myself more and guess what I learned? It was me. On a test email.

    Hahahahahahhahahahaha.

    My method, when I remember to do it is: get curious instead of upset.

    Curiosity keeps my brain more plastic and let’s me get creative about what to do next time instead of focusing on the crap. Especially when it’s not actually crap. Just an a/b test. 😂

    • I love this! “Get curious instead of upset!” Thank u for sharing this Caitlin 🙂

    • Shoshanna

      Caitlin, I like to get curious too! Whenever I’m feeling negative, I tell myself I need to stop and regroup. I search for a book that introduces me to a new concept and in the process reintroduces me to my positive side. And, since I’ve discovered Marie, I like to re-watch one of her videos. I also like to write down the issue I’m having and start brainstorming possible solutions. This really helps me get back into a positive flow state.

      • Caitlin Donovan

        Awesome.

        I love a good solution brainstorm!

      • Aziza

        Hi Shoshanna,
        I completely identify with writing down the issue. It helps me (when I actually DO it!) to get all of the overwhelmingly paralyzing negative thoughts and feelings OUT of my head…kind of like a “brain vomit”. I know that sounds gross, but it’s quite accurate. It helps tremendously and I feel lighter and brighter afterwards.

        I find that I always have the solution/remedy deep inside. It’s just a matter of shoveling off the negativity that tries to suffocate me into a non-productive mental pattern!

        Great share! Thanks.

    • Love this!!! ME TOO! I’m B-school 2017 and I’m just finishing up my website to start my list.

    • Tom

      Thats so funny. Thanks for sharing.

    • Cynthia

      Thank you for the quote!! I wrote it on a sticky and posted on my bulletin board: Get Curious instead of Upset!. What’s great about this approach is that it immediately puts the mind in a different state while addressing the issue. My brain knows that I’m looking at the issue just from a different state: curiosity. Why do I feel this way? Why is this my reaction? etc. The approaches that just distract me or change the activity don’t really work well for me, because I KNOW the upset is lurking in the back of my mind, while I try some other activity. For example, it’s difficult for me to authentically have gratitude when something is pissing me off that I’m trying to fake my brain to forget. Thanks again for sharing.

      • It’s worked so well for me and I’m so glad other people feel that way too!!

    • That is a great story. But, not everyone unsubscribes because they don’t ‘like’ content. Sometimes it’s other reasons. Here’s to more connections for you. 🙂

    • Dai

      Brilliant.

      Unchecked ego is usually the culprit in most cases where we cause our own suffering.

    • What a great story Caitlin. This could have been me too. In the past I have been told I take things far too serious and overthink things. As much as there is a smudge of truth in it, I think it has more to do with wanting to give your best and if someone unsubscribes from your newsletter it is in our nature to wonder why. What was missing? Could I have done better? Those thoughts are the ones that could potentially turn negative. I am a felow 2017 B-schooler and still building my list. Your story will help me to stay positive when the time comes and someone unsubscribe from my site. We cannot win them all, but we can continue to give our best and grow with time. I love your site (and I signed up to get healthy from my inbox). All the best 😃

      • Hi Kerstin!
        Thanks so much!

        We can do this.

        2017 B-School sticks together 😉

      • Jillian - Team Forleo

        Kerstin, we love that you’re feeling some kinship with Caitlin here. We’re also cheering you on through these negative feelings, and reminding you that your B-School Community is always there for you to reach out to.

        It’s only natural as an entrepreneur to become your biggest critic, so I’d encourage you to make room to become your biggest fan as well. Have a gorgeous week ahead!

  3. Ngaire

    Great topic… and really very apt as I am in the midst of it all. Living in a new-ish country trying to get established, I am minus a degree and this country is pedantic about degrees. My experience is not enough and adding Dutch is primarily spoken it is also a hassle (yet that I am learning). Today this is battling my ancient brain more than ever… Your video made me smile, so that is a positive.
    Wish to start a new business here, though where to start is somewhat of a challenge.

  4. aideen

    Thanks for this one, Marie!
    Really useful and I will remember these 3 steps next time negativity wants to take over my brain!

  5. The ‘negativity bias’ is something I struggle with. It helps to put a name on what is happening. I love episodes like this one that has real help in it.

  6. Totally agree with every point! I’ve noticed that saying daily affirmation every morning has helped. It ables me to LET GO of any rejection. This is also a great tool to teach our kids how to shift our mindset! By the way, LOVE your funny video bits! Keep those happening!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Such an awesome point, Maritza! Affirmations are a great way to start your day out on the right foot. Even our little friends need them as much as we do.

  7. Teri

    Ouch!
    One of my sisters hates me.
    She shows it by being cynical and snidely and facetious in all my endeavors.
    Since I am naturally, “Happy go lucky,” I tend to try to soften the blow by forgiving her, but in my older age (63), I have come to realize that I am sincerely hurt by her resentments, etc. and I need to move on—or stop trying to appease her.
    She never ever “likes” my fb posts, in fact, I found out that she Unfollowed me!
    Crazy, because this one person in my life is the one person I seem to want to “please,”
    I want her to like me. But my hubby thinks it has been hurting me more than her.

    Can you understand my situation?
    For instance:
    What if you had a sister that did not like your show or your wisdom or your happiness? Would it wear you down? Would you stop your production?

    It’s easier said than done to simply move on—but yes, your 3 suggestions really do work.
    I have done them for years, if only to keep working on my self esteem—and it does work!
    Thats why I loved your show this morning; it rang loud + true to me.

    The older I’ve become, I see I don’t want to waste any more time in “pleasing” others.
    It’s just that I am a caring person by nature & detachment is hard to do.
    Codependent? Oh gee, that must be in another one of your shows I suppose.
    I’ll stay tuned!
    THANK YOU *.*
    Teri
    Oregon

    • Hi Teri, That’s hurtful,…I can relate, not with my sister (we love each other) but another relative… who just tolerates me. I’ve come to realize that the situation has drained me of other valuable experiences. So I forgive & let it go, move on, because it’s not really my issue but hers. I refuse to let it steal precious moments I can have with other loved ones involved. … I thought it through completely & made a very clear decision. Best of luck, Roxanne

    • Teri, I am so sorry to hear about your sister and her hurtful actions. I am also a people-pleaser and have had a difficult time with my relationships with my sisters. I try to remember that they lead important lives, too. I liked Marie’s suggestion about making a gratitude list and I could come up with a long list of things that I really enjoy with my sisters. Do you think it’s possible to do with you and your sister? If not, the best advice I can give is to love her and let her go. I agree, you can’t hold on to this relationship if all it brings you is uneasiness. Sending you light and love!

    • Rhonda

      Teri,
      I have realized that relationship with siblings is fraught with patterns that began before we even remember; unfortunately, the patterns have much more to do with our responses to situations and feelings about ourselves than is usually acknowledged. I have decided to detach until I can stay strong in who I am when I deal with the siblings who constantly seem to pull me down and criticize me. I want to break these patterns, and at least I can control how much I interact. For now, I am happier. Stay safe!

    • Ellen

      I have a brother who suffers from a mental health issue. If you’d just met him, you would never know, because he’s so friendly and funny and smart. But he is also anxious, withdrawn and cynical. Twice he has put us through his breakdowns, where he either plans to or actually tries to commit suicide. He was so unable to cope with his life. Even though he does much better when he’s on his medication (an antidepressant), he refuses to take care of himself and won’t get his prescription refilled when he’s out from under supervision…like now. Then he completely “ghosts” our family. To give you an example, my husband, two of my kids, my mom and I just went to Colorado to visit my other brother and his family. The former brother lives a couple hours away. I didn’t ask and didn’t expect for him to drive down to see us. But it so happened that on the day we all decided to go to a ski resort, he and his girlfriend were at the same resort. My mom had texted him to let him know where we would be, and he said he was already there. But instead of stopping by to see us–and five of his nieces/nephews–he avoided us completely and wouldn’t join us for dinner, opting to stay at the resort for a concert. There was a time that would have bothered me immensely. But about 7 or 8 years ago, I was in prayer, and the Lord showed me a vision of Him having a conversation with my brother. We were all in a dimly lit room, and I was off to the side, out of the range of hearing. I heard (in my spirit) Jesus say, “I got this. I have him.” I knew I had to release the situation to God, and I took my hands off it totally. Do I still pray for my brother? Sure. But I no longer feel any responsibility to deal with his issues, and I no longer feel disappointed or angry at his stubbornness. It’s hard to release family members, and for good reason. But it’s not healthy to continue to expect things from them that they simply can’t give. Be blessed, and thanks for sharing your story.

      • Aziza

        Your comment blessed me!
        Thanks for holding up the light for Jesus. Prayer is always the answer and I firmly believe that God has given wonderful, insightful folks like Marie a gift to deliver practical tools for ALL to implement, to help us be a little more productive, healthy and joyful in life! 👍❤️

    • Teri!
      Thank you so much for posting this. I am 27 in a similar situation with my older sister. In fact, I create youtube videos and have a website about being an everyday superhero and for the ENTIRETY OF LAST YEAR I stopped producing content because of something she said/the way she’d treated me at the start of the year. I started the year at the top of my game so excited for the abundance ahead. And yet, her energy caused me so much pain that I didn’t want to feel like my success would cause her more pain and in turn, get shoved onto me as I continued to grow. What a cycle right!?

      Needless to say, it was my most miserable year yet and I am still healing. What I learned was the power our words can have on others and I vowed never to let what I say or how I treat someone affect them in the way hers had affected me.

      I just relaunched my website and started posting youtube videos again. I feel a little rusty but I know I am stronger now. It took this long but I have to keep going. You’ve got only one life and to spend it trying to please someone who isn’t open to being happy or supporting you does no one any favors.

      Hurt people hurt people. As much as we want them to turn around and be happy, ultimately that is up to them. As the happy go lucky ones we MUST lead by example no matter what because at this time we are the stronger ones.

      I’ve learned to love her from a far and to keep my spirit in tact. Allow the challenge to make you even better. You got this girl. I’m rooting for you and both of our sisters.

      up, Up and AWAY!
      Super Ivi
      ⚡️ here’s my site if you want to check it out 🙂 TheHashtagHero.com

    • Vanessa

      Have you heard Byron Katie? This scenario would be perfect for a “judge-your-neighbor” worksheet which are downloadable for free on the website. As yourself is it true your sister hates you? Who would you be without this thought? I even find Bryon’s podcasts super helpful too. Good luck <3

  8. I’m so glad Fred asked this question! It’s definitely something I can relate to, and makes it clearer now why I’m so hard on myself. I know I don’t celebrate my wins enough, so I’m going to use Marie’s tips and start tipping the scale! 🙂

  9. I love taking my dog for a walk while listening to some of my fav sing-out-loud happy tunes to get me back on track and ready to re-focus on the good stuff.

  10. Lorena

    Wowww, Marie nailing it AGAIN!!💚

    I like thinking that I must only have tiny remains of that primitive response left, as I always see opportunities… everywhere! Even when I’m afraid, disappointed or sad as hell!

    Which doesnt mean I’m wonder woman and don’t suffer from negative bias at all… I’m human! But I like keeping my human shit under control as soon as I notice it. That’s how you get better than yesterday e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.

    Thanks for the reminder, Marie💖

    I love your work, it’s great to have you back!💚

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      It’s so great to be back, Lorena. When you love this work as much as we do it feels great to be welcomed back.
      You have a beautiful and refreshing perspective on your day and life. Keep it up!

  11. Laura

    I loved this episode! I’m currently hoing through a life coaching training and something I learned and I would add to Marie’s 3 step (after the 1st one) would be to see if that negativety is serving us in any way. Maybe it’s protecting us in some way, try to find one positive aspect about your negative thought before moving into distracting your mind, that way it will help ease the painful emotion that the negative thought might have produce in you.
    Appreciate that negative thought on how it served you and let it go.
    Marie, thanks to keep creating this amazing content and community. 💕

  12. Love these suggestions Marie
    Self awareness is such a huge key
    Gratitude practice – a winner.
    thank you.

  13. Hi Marie,
    Thank you for the fantastic message.
    I have a question that is not related to this topic.
    I see the tremendous value of video in marketing and you use that very well.
    How did you develop your presentation skills? Your videos are engaging. Your personality shines through.
    What would you recommend to someone who wants to enhance their video presentation skills?

    • Hi Roberto,
      It sounds like you are already making videos. If that’s the case, watch them back. You’ll get valuable feedback from seeing what you want to do differently. Be sure though, to also keep your eye out for what you like. Otherwise you may fall into being overly critical. Allow yourself to be in process, to be experimental. If you watch some of Marie’s early videos, you’ll see how she started off in a different place than now. She also has an entire crew. You can also watch others to determine what it is you like about them, and see if it fits to incorporate what you see. Lastly, you can google your questions or work with a presentation skills or video coach. I do this as well if you have more questions. Good luck!

  14. Philip

    Thanks for talking about this subject Marie. I’ve struggled with this my entire life. I grew up with two parents whose minds always go to the negative about nearly everything. When you grow up in this environment it becomes your normal. It wasn’t until I moved away and lived on my own as an adult and saw how other people lived and thought that I realized how bad negative thinking was in my family. I have to make a conscious effort to not let my mind go to the ‘what ifs’ or the worst case scenarios in life. And you are correct, fight or flight is hard wired into us as part of our evolution as a species. It’s acknowledging how we think and shifting our thinking and focus in the moment that makes all the difference. On the positive side though, people that think this way often see things differently than others and are more cautious and can help others in business see potential risks or pitfalls that might be overlooked.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Your awareness and personal work is how the cycle of negativity can be broken from generation to generation, Philip. It’s brave work and can often be tough. You are doing it and setting an example for others around you. Keep it up and we’re cheering you on.

  15. Priscilla

    Good morning Marie! I see you have chosen the Red Cross has an excellent group to volunteer with and to support your donations. Please consider the volunteer ministers. that group does more good than I’ve ever seen !!!! Perhaps you should look into it
    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Priscilla

      wow I should really read my dictated messages before I send them

      Red Cross is a good organization.
      However I advise you to look into volunteer ministers as they are head and shoulders above anything I’ve ever seen

      • Heather- Team Forleo

        Hi Priscilla! Thanks so much for sharing your passion for helping out the area affected by Harvey. In addition to the Red Cross Marie did share a list of many organizations that people can support. We always want people to support a mission that is near and dear to their hearts because the need is so great.
        Here’s the list that Marie shared of the additional non-profits that could use support as well—> https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/28/us/donate-harvey-charities-scams.html?_r=0

  16. I find this to be a super important topic to discuss with my kids. They too can focus on the negative too. We pray every night before dinner and started off by asking them to say at least one thing they’re grateful for. Now our prayers go on awhile since each of our three children usually has multiple things to say and be thankful for. We add ours as well and then we have dinner conversation already headed in the right direction as we tell the stories behind our prayers. As usual thanks for the great episode Marie and staff! 💕

  17. Nancy

    Hi Marie, I’m a new subscriber, and this is the first video of yours that I’ve watched. I loved it! Very clear description of Negativity Bias, and I loved the 3 steps… especially the 20 Second Savor… Great tip! Keep up the great work… I can’t wait for the next one.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Welcome to our little slice of the internet, Nancy. We’re so honored to have you here. Sending you a big Team Forleo hug.

  18. Thank you so much it’s just what I needed today! Self compassion can help

  19. Just an aside – I’m not sure if the Red Cross is the best choice for giving to Harvey Relief.

    See NPR’s article: http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/08/30/547435136/red-cross-exec-doesn-t-know-what-portion-of-donations-will-go-directly-to-harvey

    The JJ Watt Foundation jjwfoundation.org/, and donations to local area churches such as First Baptist Church https://houstonsfirst.org/, Second Baptist Church http://www.second.org/, Chapelwood United Methodist http://www.chapelwood.org, and my church Grace Fellowship UMC in Katy, Texas http://www.whatisgrace.org/ would ensure that the money goes directly to Harvey victims.

    I live in west Houston, just a few blocks north of where many neighbors’ homes are still under water and will be for the next 2 weeks. I was very fortunate that my home was not affected.

    • Sharon

      I’m glad you pointed this out Maureen. I intended to as well.

  20. I can attest to negative thoughts taking you to a really bad place. I’ve been suffering through sleepless nights for the past couple years, due to a show my brain has on repeat that says, “you suck! you screwed up!” I feel a change about to come because things have been next level difficult as of late, and that’s usually a sign they will soon evolve into something better. But watching this video this AM really helped, as I’ve been feeling so damn overwhelmed and confused as to how to change how I feel, and get our from under this shitty cloud that’s drowing me. So thanks for sharing this, as it really does help me move forward with a practical plan I can use right now. Thanks Marie. xoxo

  21. Another great episode Marie! Love the three tips and I have been using tip no. 1 for a long time and even recommending it to my clients. I call it “Be your own witness” and it really helps me come back to the present moment and separate my life circumstances from who I am!

  22. Thanks for this episode Marie! I’ve recently been struggling with lots of anxiety due to this negativity in my life. Until your episode I didn’t realize that it was the negativity bias that was overtaking my mind! Thanks for the great tips! As for me, I read from the Bible and do adult coloring books. Also talking it out with good friends helps too!

  23. Theresa

    I love this, brain science is cool. For example, when your brain goes into fight or flight (or freeze) the blood actually leaves the frontal cortex of the brain, making it harder for you to “think it thru” that it might be a “latte in waiting”. The simple act of placing your hand on your forehead (how many folks do that automatically) helps bring blood back to the front of the brain faster. (Pro Tip also place the other hand on the back of your head and it happens even faster.) And once you have better ability to think, the easier it is to move from that negative and shift into your positives, your solutions, a place of some calm. Following that up with the immediate distract is ideal. Imagine how fast, combining tools, you can move your body and brain back out of negatives.

  24. This is great! I get in my head way too much. I find that doing a stress or anxiety meditation works really well to combat those moments.
    On the flip side, how do you deal with someone who seems to thrive on crisis-to-crisis mode and puts it all out there on Facebook for affirmations from other people?

    • Shoshanna

      Mention in conversation that you’ve discovered this wonderful website marieforleo.com with interesting interviews and advice (just how much you like it for yourself, but not suggest that they go there). Then, if that person gets curious and starts watching Marie’s videos maybe they will figure out for themselves that they’re addicted to chaos and begin to change.

  25. Thanks for the cheerful and compassionate approach to commonly cringey sitchyation, Marie! =P

    I use a super similar protocol all the time.

    I find this process analogous to getting on a train on the subway; once you’re on it and realize you’re headed south… when due west is your intention and preferred direction.

    It’s unlikely the train will stop dead in its tracks just for you—and that’s wouldn’t help you out much anyway—but it does however have a stop coming up in a moment which you can leverage to turn yourself around!

    So get off at the next stop and re-direct, silly poo.

    This happens all the time, especially in NYC, so two things will happen putting this awareness into play:

    Firstly, you won’t be so reactively peeved as to let this ruin your day, it happens, and you know the course of correction, and how super smart you are at implementing it—ain’t no tumbleweed-y interruption gonna escalate into a big hairy deal on Your watch. You got life to live, honey.

    Secondly, it won’t be very long before you develop yourself into such a diligent and efficient traveller that it’d be unlikely for you to board the wrong train regularly enough to impact your schedule and life in any measurable way.

    And that’s enough, because sometimes you run into super delightful components on the re-routing, so that’s a pleasant part of the process too and an emphasis well put on the joy being IN the journey, period!

    Win win.

    Much Love!

    D

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      LOVE this train analogy, Daniel. Here’s to more of us being diligent travelers and supporting one another on the subway 😉

  26. Great episode and truly hits close to home! While I didn’t know what it was technically called, I’ve been engaging in negativity bias for years. Recently, I’ve started a list of my accomplishments by my computer screen so I can quickly refocus when I start to get negative and depressed. It seems to work in getting my mind refocused. Thanks for your video!

  27. After reading an article about the difference between emotions and feelings, I realised that negative and fearful thoughts were a physical response to an experience – triggered by our lizard brain. I mixed in a bit of Gregg Braden who speaks about the neutrality of the heart in feeling a response rather than judging it. Next time I was triggered, I drew up the emotional response from my clenched stomach into my heart where it calmed immediately. It really works.

    It all takes practice, and once again I am grateful for you sharing what we so often feel we go through alone.

    Cheers!
    Marilyn Harding

    • I LOVE the action of moving the negative feeling into the heart. So simple and so powerful. Brilliant!

      • Jillian - Team Forleo

        Yay Diane! We’re so glad to hear that that concept is powerful for you. Enjoy practicing it, and let us know how it goes!

  28. I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I believe social media plays a big part in spreading negativity. It is so easy for others to put people down rather than build them up. I see a lot of very talented and loving people afraid to put their gifts out in the world because of the negativity and bullying.
    Thank you for your topic today, I know it will help many people struggling with self confidence.

  29. Natalia Stefanova

    What a lovely outfit today, Marie and team. Super loved Marie’s lipstick color and how it played with her skirt.

  30. Hi, Marie! This may be my favorite episode! Thanks for sharing about negativity bias and giving a name to focusing on the negative instead of the positive. Yesterday was a rough day – I own a yoga studio and left my key to unlock the studio at home and our spare key was mysteriously not in the lock box. I was able to turn it around and take my students to a park. In the middle of teaching, a woman comes over and starts yelling at me for having us practice in this park. I was able to get rid of her and then my husband handled it from there. I completed teaching the class – and this morning I was still focused on how embarrassing yesterday was for me as a business owner. However, before and after the practice all of my students were so excited to practice outside. Everyone was so thankful they got some time in nature. So I will take some time to enjoy that instead. Normally, when I am trying to flip the switch from negativity to positivity I do one of two things: 1. Put on my favorite song and dance around – that can change the mood for me 2. Eat a piece of chocolate – and not binge on it – slow down and really let myself enjoy how chocolate tastes – basically to have a moment to slow down and reset. Thanks again for this great episode!!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      Jackie, you did an awesome job of flipping the switch from one end to another. *high five*! You were quick thinking on your feet and made it happen.
      We’re with you on the dance breaks- our Team has a habit of those as well.

  31. Kathy Biggs

    One jersey girl to another! You are awesome! And I appreciate your gift and you give it to the world! Just about feeling bad working on getting mine out there! Love you.

    • Kathy Biggs

      *** I need to do my spellcheck before I send my comments 😂😂😂
      Correction:
      ‘Just working on getting my gifts out there too!’😏

  32. Terry

    Great episode and welcome back! The 20-second rule is a new power tool, thanks for that. One habit that usually works for me is to ask “What’s good about this?” My brain is jarred from gnawing on the negativity chew toy, and that 2-seond distraction can be enough to insert a new thought: I can handle this. Thank god for my amazing friends. I’ve been here before and it all worked out.

    • Love that sweet question!
      In my Buddhist practice, I ask, “How can this serve awakening?”

  33. This is such a deep issue. Thank you, Marie, it’s very much appreciated.

  34. Perfect timing!!!
    Thanks for the tips Marie!!!

  35. My favorite thing to use to stop the negative thought train is a mantra. In this case, I use the mantra “tipping point” to remind myself that focusing at least 51% of my attention toward the positive side of things will ultimately keep me moving in that direction. Comes from Malcolm Gladwell’s book called Tipping Point. When I get in a negative train of thought, as soon as I become aware of it I say “tipping point” to myself and that makes for an automatic shift. Works pretty well! I also have those words written on my iPhone, computer, and around the house.

    • I love having a one-liner. One of mine is: Good for you! You noticed!
      (I guess that’s a two-liner!)

  36. Great Episode today & welcome back…but the thing that caught my eye was that skirt….IT IS EVERYTHING!

  37. One practice I use is that as soon as I notice a negative or critical thought, I force myself to balance it with something positive.

    An example: my husband leaves out his coffee cup rather than rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. My mind instantly goes to: Good lord! Again? How many times do I have to ask? Lazy. Pain in the ass. I do everything…you get the point.

    As soon as I notice, I do a 180. I think, and many times say out loud: I love this man. He is so generous and thoughtful. He does so many sweet things for me, like the other day when he vacuumed out my car. He goes above and beyond so many times…yada yada. Yes, he left out his cup again, and I am CHOOSING to rinse it for him based on our mutual care for each other and our home.

    Here’s a new level I’m working with: FEEL IT. If I’m particularly feeling negative, I will close my eyes, and embody the love and gratitude, letting it wash all through me. Mmmmmm….

    It freakin’ works! Noticing is the first step, so thank you Marie for the reminder: You can’t change what you don’t see.

    (I even wrote a little ditty – as a song writer, I can’t help it – with just one sweet line: “Thinking good thoughts about you.” It’s like a chant or mantra that helps me focus on the amazing and give less power to the stupid insignificant annoyances.)

    • Sylvia Ferrero

      YES to feeling and YES to choosing, Melissa! Loved your mantra, too. 🙂

    • Aziza

      Love this!
      I can TOTALLY relate to the hubby challenges! I have a new tool now when I begin my internal diatribe while annoyedly picking up his shoes from the living room (dining room, music room, hallway…).
      Thanks Melissa!

  38. This was exactly what I needed today. My brain has been doing the whole ‘imagining bad things’ thing recently, rather than just seeing what’s actually happening. Distracting myself from those thoughts is really helpful, I just wish my brain would bloody quit it entirely! I know that once it imagines those things happening, it really thinks they have. Why can’t I just as easily imagine good, happy things instead?? drives me nuts. ;-/

  39. Naba Umair

    I’ve grown up hearing negative comments about myself, what i have discovered is that people are never happy from you. One must do what they love instead of focusing on negative comments.

  40. Robyn

    I really needed this today and it came and the perfect moment. Thank you Marie!😊

  41. Judy Niderost

    Loved the reminder. Thank you.
    When I catch myself being held hostage by negative dwelling, I silently laugh at myself for falling prey to my pain body and ego, (thank you Eckhart Tolle) and with a smirk on my face tell myself “please don’t feed the ego.” I find the more I practice awareness the easier it gets to be present, but the more my pain body and ego want to play. I use humor as my weapon of choice to slay them.

  42. Heidi

    Hi, Marie! Great topic, great presentation, thank you. I was intrigued by your challenge to comment on how to handle the lizard brain when it drags us into negativity bias, using a technique other than meditation or EFT. Ah, the strength of each of these is that they help us go inward for wisdom from our higher selves and our bodies instead of looking for answers from some outside authority or loud voice.

    So, what else to use to achieve the same effect, since only our own inner peaceful truth can calm the inner watchful, hair-trigger lizard? How about asking ourselves, “Why?” or the marketing adage, “WHIIFM?”—”What’s in it for me?”. Everything we do, we do for a reason. The reason may be conscious or unconscious, physical or spiritual, to ensure survival, find love, or to improve our social status. When we notice that we are focusing on the negative, let’s wonder about our decision to do that. “Hmmm, I got one nasty troll comment in the midst of 100 positive ones. Conclusion: I did not get it right, no one will be interested in this, everyone has seen me screw up and I am such a loser. Payoff: So maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all and I should give up and quit. What a relief; no need to have to do all that hard work again. That’ll teach me what happens when I’m not practical and act on a hunch, my dreams, my vision…maybe Dad was right. Get real, live small.”

    All to say, a negative conclusion can be a fabulous hiding place and excuse to not take action in the direction of your potential. It can feel like playing it safe, instead of stretching against one’s comfort zone. Negativity is based in fear, or shame, or anger…the worst soil for clarity, growth, risk-taking, or new beginnings. So, recognition and compassion from answering “why?” can turn that one negative comment into a teachable moment for your higher self—”Gee, can I learn something from that ouch-y comment? Did I contribute to that outcome, knowingly or not? Yes or no, should I respond or not, with what intention? It is easier to tap into our higher selves and strength to be brave when we realize that the tiger we fear, in your analogy, is a falsehood that we ourselves are generating. Its illusory roar may well be drowning out the whispers of angels encouraging us to spread our wings and fly.

    • Powerful insight! Thanks. I enjoyed reading it!

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      What a beautiful shift, Heidi. Here’s to hearing those angel whispers encouraging us and less roaring falsehoods.

  43. Truth! Such good wisdom here–the one negative thing in a great day can really be disportionate in your mind. Thanks for this

  44. Negative thoughts only have power over you if you react to them.

  45. I can’t thank you enough for doing this segment!! I just had an episode of survival brain and the stream of negative thoughts hijacking my whole day yesterday. Hearing how much time is wasted helps put this in perspective. I do this negative routine every off day from work and I should add that I’m a clinical social worker helping others with mental illness and yet I’m just as abused by my survival patterns as everyone else. Stepping up to create on my own does a number on my thoughts, so viewing this information from you Marie allows me to snap back to reality and move forward (no matter how long I’ve been caught up in this survival pattern). I am deeply appreciative for yout timely awesome show!!

  46. I am loving Dr. Joe Dispenza’s books and guided meditations to help this on the deepest level. And then to help day to day I firmly believe in meditation. Getting my ZEN ON!!
    Pam Grout’s books too. Also your girl’s kris carr’s meditations. Louise L Hay and Marianne Williamson’s guided ones. Affirmations and just staying aware all day of how I am feeling. Simple stuff that has really helped me through big life changes these last two years at 43, and over all add much more JOY! And peace in my hustle.

    • Sylvia Ferrero

      @Daniella — I’m a huge fan of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work, too. Which makes me think that you might also dig following Gregg Braden. They do a lot of work together.

      Yay, to getting your zen on!

  47. I learn from the negative to produce positive results in the future. #ajgpifirm
    Ashley J Garcia

  48. Shonna

    I am reading ‘Mindset’ by Carol Dweck right now, and this fits right in! I am excited to apply these tips to my new “growth mindset” practice. ❤️ Workin’ those wires in my brain and creating new routes 👍🏻

  49. When I get a positive e-mail or voice mail or testimonial, I hang onto them and reread a whole bunch of times. Sometimes I go to the testimonial section of my website and reread, just to perpetuate the positive juju. When something I don’t like happens, I create a scenario in my mind that is the most positive outcome that can arise from the situation. It’s amazing how it can turn things around!

  50. I paint. (Pictures) and at the same time I listen to things like Marie TV.
    It requires intense focus and if I get it wrong I can just “do over”

  51. Hello Marie,
    I have watched a few of your broadcasts and read a few of your articles.
    1. Let me start by saying you are adorable. Have you posted any baby pictures of yourself. I’m sure you are the apple of your Father’s eyes.
    2. Thank you for sharing.
    3. I want to start my business and the first thing I’m told to do is write a business plan.
    I have one very rough one started.
    I notice whenever I start working on it the negative/primitive comes into my head saying different things, which I am sure many experience.
    Well that’s where I am at.
    Thank you and stay Adorable!
    Tommy Quesada
    TomslifetqQ@icloud.com

  52. Thank You So Much Marie, Loved This!

    Really TRULY the Thing that Stops or Changes My Neg Thinking During and After Negativity is..
    DEEP SLOW BREATHS.
    When we’re Breathing Slowly and Deeply it Signals the Brain to have Deep, Inspired Thoughts. Deep Experiences. Deep Compassion. Deep Relaxation.
    Shallow Breathing tends us towards Shallow Thoughts, Worry, Panic, Fear.

    Simple but Profound! 🙂

    Taking the time to Focus On and Master Our Breath is one of the Most Powerful and “Most Bang for Buck” Well-Being Practices we can have!
    XOB

  53. Kathleen Scott Goldingay

    I call my unceasing cheer team. A call to a friend and being honest about what’s on my mind brings the “you’re kidding, right?” reaction. They pump me up with positive feedback without denying my state of mind; they change it by loving me up. This is the kind of friends everyone needs! If your friends tend to go into the dark side with you, reinforcing the “disaster” you’re contemplating, think about recruiting some new life-giving blood to your squad.

  54. I love that you talk about the lizard brain. This is something we covered in the Martha Beck Coach training. Martha suggests thinking of this scared / ego part of the brain as a little lizard and giving your lizard a name. Martha calls her lizard Mo. When your lizard pipes up with all its negativity bias stories you imagine patting the lizard on the head, telling it that you got this and imagining sending your lizard to go and drink pina coladas or smoothies by the pool. You can also have a little lizard toy in your office to remind you that the part of you telling you that everything is wrong is the old reptilian part of the brain. It’s not the truest part of you that believes in you and that you can do what you want to do.

    • Monaco Frankfurt

      I adore your comment Deborah. Made me laugh this evening. Particularly after being in the sphere of negativity with my partner, who is an eternal negative person. My solace is my little office at the top of the house where cocoon myself with positivity and gratitude. In fact the energy here is the best, when my partner is prowling around spewing negativity and self pity. Wonderfully, when he is not here during the day the house lightens up with the music that I have wafting through it.
      So, I will take your fantastic comment and call my lizard Adolf, or some other old fashioned name that makes me smile/laugh. Pats its head. Tell it that I have this. Tell it to lay by the pool and indulge in numerous cocktails ‘on the house’.
      Absolutely adore this method. Will see how far I can keep this up. Plus, how long that I can remember it, without being distracted by nonsense.
      Deborah, thank you so much for this. You have made my evening. In fact, I fancy a cocktail for myself right now.

  55. Virginia Reeves

    Things I like to do to combat that negativity bias include: take a walk and not think about it, read a fiction book and escape for a while, look at photo’s to relive memories, send a greeting card to friends, talk on the phone, or bake brownies or cookies. Good reminders Marie – thanks. Also appreciate your back-up crew and their humorous additions.

  56. I usually spend a day or two in negativity land before I even realize that is where I am. Once I get it though I force myself to talk about it with one of thee specific people in my life who I know won’t bull shit me to make me feel better.
    Having people in my life who will honestly talk me through the horror land spiral that happens in my mind is invaluable. I know I am very lucky to have friends like this. My friends always rate top spots when I make my gratitude lists.
    Thank you for these three tips Marie, I always need new tools in my positivity arsenal!

  57. So good. And you’re so full of upbeat energy in this vid. Made me feel so uplifted – regardless of the good message.
    Oh BTW has anyone ever thought of EFT or possibly meditation to help with this…?😉

  58. Such a great reminder. Thank-you!
    When I first determined that this might be something I struggle with – I read a book called Wired for Joy by Laurel Mellin. I learned that indeed I could re-wire my brain and change my life. How empowering!
    We have the power to create the life we desire regardless of what anyone else thinks or believes. So do it!

  59. Wow first of all I hope you all had great vacation time. And Holy Moly great to have you back. And seriously when negativity starts to creep in I get busy. And since I have found B school and Marie TV I usually start my busy with a Marie TV episode, it always revs up the positivity and then I get to work. I know what I am doing is the right path for me, I’m not sure exactly what all of it is or how it will play out. But when I start worrying if I give myself a mini boost. Marie TV. then start working, the action and doing and getting something accomplished takes over. Love and Light
    Christine Kowal and The Animals

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad to be back! With an audience like this, it’s actually amazing to come back after vacation. We love hearing that MarieTV is on the top of your positivity list, and we can’t wait to send more your way each week.

  60. Claire

    I’ve never commented here before but I just had to comment today, the caveman reenactment video had me laughing so hard 🙂 Thank you to everyone who made the video possible! As for what I do to respond to rejection, upset, etc., I think I tend to use the distraction method quite a bit. I will find an uplifting podcast (usually the Being Here podcast on voiceAmerica, I love that one) and listen to it until I feel more centered and less stuck in my subjective negativity warp. Thanks again for this video! <3

  61. Timely post, thank you. I’m working through productively moving forward from receiving inadequate prototypes that have been 8 months in the making. What I’m doing to redirect myself toward a growth mindset is to focus on what I can learn from the situation, what I can learn about the other person, and what I can learn about myself. I’m pretty sure this trick is a Brené Brownism. So I don’t spiral into ALL that I’ve yet to learn into a state of lack…, I’m trying to take the lumpy mullings of the above and shift ’em into core desired feelings.

  62. Hi, Marie!
    It may seem silly, but this works for me and I have been in business for over 25 years. I stop in my tracks, realize I’ve got an amazing and positive reputation and I …WIGGLE MY BUTT. Seriously. It’s the act of actually wiggling my butt that takes away any negative mojo. It’ll make you giggle if you do it more more than a few seconds. It’s pretty hard to wrinkle my positive neuro pathways. Keep up the amazing work, Marie.

    • Monaco Frankfurt

      Adore this. I have a dress size 18 bottom, so will try this out when the moment arises.

  63. Shoshanna

    Someone once gave me a great piece of advice. When someone says something hurtful to you or about you or if you find yourself criticizing yourself, stop. Picture an old-fashioned cash register in your mind and hit the “No Sale” button. Then, your lizard brain has matched up the negative bit about you with “No Sale” and you can drop it and move on. It actually works really well.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      What an interesting and amazing idea Shoshana! We’ll definitely be trying this out.

  64. Love this! I deal a lot with clients experiencing overwhelming negative thoughts in my line of work as a certified hypnotist. And I, obviously, face this, too. I was taught a really fast, easy and powerful technique by a teacher to get your head out of that chaos. Essentially, it’s zoning out. So when you have a flood of thoughts not serving you, pick a focal point. Simply stare at that focal point. It can be a spot on the wall, even the back of someone’s head (for those of us who walk on congested city streets), even a cellphone. Next, without moving your head, or your eyes, begin to soften your gaze and notice the SPACE around that focal point. Notice how far left and how far right you notice the space from that focal point, as well as how far you notice the space from the top (or ceiling) to the ground (or floor.) What does this do? You’ll experience how quickly all thoughts leave your mind, bringing you back to a clean state of clarity. I would love to hear how well this works for you!

  65. Great topic! Did you know that for every ONE negative thought you have, it takes THREE positive thoughts to combat it? Protecting your thoughts is soooo important! Focus on the good, what you are grateful for, and always remember to be kind!

  66. May Bhank

    Mine is accept that I have negative thoughts and don’t tell myself “it’s going to be okay” when my mind clearly thinks it’s not

    I recently just went to my first dance audition and I was so nervous. The thoughts of embarrassing myself in front of the judges, forget the choreography, and getting rejected were all over me. Before the audition I had a talk with myself, “yes, you are nervous as hell. And yes, there is a chance you might forget the choreography and get rejected. And you’re going to be sad/embarrassed at first but eventually you’re gonna forget about it, just like the time when you went to that guy’s house to gave him a letter and he rejected you. If you can get over that, you can get over this too. So go, dance and have fun. Even if the outcome might not be what you want but at least you know you do your best.”

    The audition was really fun, I didn’t forget the choreography, felt very confident in front of judges, and I got a call back. I’m now one of the dancers of that dance group.

  67. Love it Marie! I can sooo relate to this!
    And Marie ‘s tips, especially the 20-second positive emotion savouring is backed by Positive Psychology research!
    I have 2 more ways that I found useful to tackle that tendency of focusing just the negative:
    1. Critical feedbacks from others could trigger the wound in us that “we are not enough”. So I’ll write my negative thoughts and all my emotions on a piece of paper as an emotional release. And then burn it, and visualise all my negativity and my self-doubts vanish into ashes before me. The ritual itself is very soul soothing.
    2. Another method is from Brene Brown. Make a small sheet of paper that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, someone has to love me for my strengths and struggles. So the nasty feedback from that random someone online? I can easily say “you are NOT on my list!” and move on.

    Thank you, Marie, for making every piece of suggestion so inspiring, and magical with the way you convey the message 🙂

  68. Kunyi

    Hi all,
    This is a great topic, and one that I experience a great deal. I didn’t know there was brain science attached to it, and for some reason, this makes me feel better (it seems crazy to feel bad about feeling bad!)
    The last time was the (assumed) rejection of a proposal that I had led. Our team felt it was really well done, etc… Still – you never know. I found my sleep interrupted, doubted that the proposal was any good at all, dismissed my leadership skills, felt shame that I had wasted people’s time, etc., etc. What a miserable week.
    What I did: I tried to cut myself some slack. Even if all those things above are true (and they’re not), I made myself chalk it up to experience, let myself off the hook, and acknowledge that perfection is highly over-rated.
    I wallowed for a day… napping is highly under-rated.
    I looked at what I got out of the experience – there were many positive things, and I tried to bring those to the fore and focus on those.
    I distracted myself.. a great movie, cooking for a family event, being outside in nature, being creative and making something, a lot of exercise – I’m sure my calves grew an inch.
    I was proud of the effort our team put in. I can still be proud of what we accomplished, even if there’s no revenue attached.
    Watching these episodes helps a lot. Practical ideas, and knowing we’re in a community that experiences the same thing.
    I love the idea of letting one’s curiousity run rampant… it’s my next practical action: finding out what we could have done better.
    Thanks Marie and team, and Fred – great episode.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Kunyi, I love this line, ‘I can still be proud of what we accomplished, even if there’s no revenue attached.’ It sounds like you’ve learned a lot through the steps you’ve taken, and now you know that you can always rely on those actions to help move you from negativity to a more positive space. We’re so excited for you!

  69. Wow, I thoroughly enjoyed this episode.

    Marie and Team Forleo — Thank you for throwing this gem together. (That caveman clip was kinda funny AF!)

    Fred — A huge CONGRATS on your tenacity and success. So much appreciation going your way for your Q. 🙂

    I personally practice utilizing negativity bias as a gateway to getting to know myself more deeply. I’ve found that for me, if I immediately try to shift gears without first acknowledging the teachers and lessons that are hidden in that moment of WTF-ness I miss out on learning important things about myself, and even end up by-passing the massive growth opportunity hidden in that darkness.

    I first prefer to go somewhere solo where I feel safe (in nature, if possible), set a timer for about 9 minutes, and just sit with the feelings (sensations) in my body and emotions that arise, as well as notice the stories that my mind is rambling on about… specifically, what I am making that entire situation mean about me and my life. I don’t usually journal right away — I just give myself permission to FEEL all of it and pay very close attention. Then, I’ll typically go for a walk/hike/trail run, hit up an intense fitness class, or… my favorite… host a party-of-one dance off to move all that newly churned up energy around.

    I typically get way more insights on WHY I was really even triggered to begin with when I give myself permission to pause first and then hit up some inspired movement. Sometimes I’ll even get mental or visceral flashes of “root moments” behind that poopy feeling — like, old childhood stuff or memories of things I’d forgotten about. It’s sort of weirdly magical!

    Once I’ve acknowledged — and, even blessed! — the situation and/or person that threw me off as a teacher and lesson, I almost feel like I can use it all as a springboard towards a more genuinely powerful, unf*ckable-with sense of confidence… because I get clear on who I really am (not a victim!) and what I am totally capable of as the Creatrix of my life.

    It’s about a 9-30+ minute process that helps me create more permanent shifts and a more solid foundation from which to build a final reframe on, where I’ll then stack positive memories, affirmations and declarations of what I truly want to think, feel, believe, do and create.

    This practice has helped me tremendously in navigating negativity bias, and allowed me to view *everything* that shows up in my life as a GIFT. It continuously humbles me, actually. And teaches me that when I surrender to the divine guidance of Life (aka: God/Goddess/Source/The Force/The Universe) — and trust it! — it truly is my BFF and always has my back. 🙂

    • Anjolee the Free

      Thank you so much for your comment. I have begun to do a version of this but didn’t really know what it was. Most recently yesterday I was feeling very negative and didn’t really understand why but when I just kind of let go of fighting the feeling and went with it a little it shifted things for me. But your process is pretty dope and I think I will try going deeper and actually taking more time to feel and learn. If we aren’t learning then ultimately even if we feel better temporarily we will keep doing the same shit!!! Thanks again!!!!

      • Sylvia Ferrero

        Yay, Anjolee! Your comment made my day. Thanks so much for letting me know. I’m always stoked to hear how learning how to navigate my own personal speedbumps not only enlivens my own journey, but how sharing them openly also supports others in theirs.

        Keep shining, Anjolee… you got this. We all do! 😉

  70. Eejee Art

    Hello.
    Welcome back. I don’t always post because I don’t always believe opening my mouth is actually adding anything new to the sauce, but this time.
    In my introversion lately, I realize how the positive the negative I faced brought up. As weirdly it can be, I am thankful for all the rejections I had because it makes me *discontent* and this bring up creativity and digging deeper for solutions.
    I am proud, not smug, about my accomplishments so far.
    I personally call the brain Marie described in her video here: my mother’s installed tape. Because in my case, this is the *talk* that would have me run back to get under my mother skirt… and in my case, this is exactly what I have been expected to do all my life: stay under mommy safe skirt.
    So when the tape starts playing, I have a chat with my imaginary mom as if I was 13 and rebelling against the “soothing words of discouragement”. You know, the one encouraging the status quo, the safe bet… the “it is ok if you failed, if you just did what others always did, you will never fail.”. I say “soothing” because it comes from a place of love and protection… if you follow the advise, you never scrap your knees because you’re always wearing a football player protection equipment even to go do the grocery… but “discouragement” because instead of encouraging growth, it focus on “stay safe” , “play it down”, be inactive and passive, “accept your fate”.
    So I take action.
    Physically moving, doing something that promote movement. Try and try again.
    Simple thoughts running after a negative impact: that if I gave up, no one has the time to pick me up. Everyone has their own stuff to deal with … I am my own business… no body else. If I stop trying… if I stop going out, biking, chatting, posting… because I ONCE had a bad experience… no one will reach out. I am my own savior, so I got to keep on going and trying or else, I have only myself to blame to never have get back up after having been put down.
    And believe me, after 10 years of daily reminder to *go back to your country* and 3 years searching for a job, 20 years showing my art in show… having my Etsy shop… I got plenty of source of rejection that could “justify” to throw my hands in the air and go running under mommy skirt… giving up on being my own person.
    I am still here. Still getting better. And this would not happen if I let the primal brain decide of my action. Like I often say to mom when she tells me to come back home, to stop thinking I can make it, that I am too old now to be a winner, just come back… you will have all you need here. “Mom, if our ancestors when things got tough had just packed up and left, we would still be in a cavern some places in Europe painting stick figures, hunting and gathering. Someone had to take a chance and stick with the consequences, believe they could make it in order for humanity to get out their holes…you succeed when there is no easier way out.”
    Anyway… hoping it helped someone I shared.

    • Eejee Art

      Just an example.
      Someone wrote to me about a gargoyle piece I just made. She said she was sad to learn I was a “devil worshiper” and she will unfollow me and make sure everyone knows about it.
      Besides writing it here, I am going in my studio… working on a set of skulls and spiders. And yes, even though it will be for 2018 (2017 is already over for me schedule is full…it is show time!)… I am not going to have someone that misread my intention and values stuck me into only creating pink unicorn stuff fairy dust! (although I still got of that in stuck… and why not pink skull 😉 )
      It’s beyond the point to try to justify or defend why I created a gargoyle and *dared* putting it online among the flowers and birds…
      That is what I meant by taking action…
      And this is not what I was educated to do. I normally would be removing the gargoyle and beating myself up to have *dare* doing something that made someone believe I was a *bad woman*. Not this time.

      • Jillian - Team Forleo

        Eejee, we’re so glad to hear that you’re not backing down here. As an artist, it can be challenging to learn that your work doesn’t resonate with everyone, and that if you decide to try something else or experiment with a different path, you may lose some followers. That’s normal, and very very ok.

        First and foremost, make work that you love. Your fans, followers, clients, will see that, feel that, and respect that. Those are your people. We’re wishing you all the best, you daring woman!

        • Eejee Art

          Thank you! 🙂
          Life is too short…my todo list ever growing!
          So I am really thankful for people like you that just get it! 😀
          Eejee

  71. Great stuff, Maria!! I love the recommendations you suggest.
    I think asking Byron Katie’s 4 questions (“The Work”) is helpful:
    http://thework.com/en/do-work
    I also suggest that when negative thoughts come up, tell your mind the opposite of what you’re thinking. For example, “I am a lousy salesperson” becomes “I am an awesome salesperson…I am good at what I do…I have made a ton of deals.” Then think about examples from your life that support this. Even if you still have doubts, your mind will take in the positive thoughts and eventually you will start to believe it. This is sort of the idea behind “fake it, until you make it.”

  72. It’s hard not to let the negative get in there, and stay. Personally I’ve found the biggest help for me are activities which I am forced to turb my brain off or focus on something else.

    Things like hand washing the dishes with music in my ears (the music depends on my mood, but classical does creep in a lot). Or playing with our pack, mainly my new Doberman pup. She just turned one year recently and I’m learning they really are in tune with people (empathic dogs), more than other breeds. If I’m not fully present with Mila, and I don’t turn off that negative loop, she becomes a terror. Not sure if it’s feeding off my negativity to get attention, to distract me, or just the anxiety it produces in her, but lemme tell ya. It’s been a huge help for me to try and filter out more negativity in me. So being fully present with her forces me to focus on good things. I think it helps that I’m having to focus outside myself. Cleaning also helps. Again, it’s that focus outside myself. If I don’t, I’ll accidentally hurt myself! haha

    Another helpful thing is to remind myself (if it’s a negative comment) that the person does know me well enough to say such a thing, or that it has more to do with their state of mind maybe. Like something they are going through. As humans, we don’t go around hurting others just to hurt them. Even if it’s unintentional. I’m not as good at that yet so mostly I stick with playing w the dogs, haha.

  73. Ashley

    Dude, I’ve been in a negativity bias rut for weeks – possibly longer. It’s just felt like everything suuuucks, and there ain’t nothin’ I can do about it. Whereas I’ve been aware in the back of my mind that this isn’t true, I totally let it take over because it just felt like so much effort to get out. I’d let the negativity take over to the point that it felt like there was no way to escape. In the most recent episode, I found myself angry, hurt, and saddened by what I felt were unfair circumstances. Instead of leaning into it and taking it as an opportunity for growth, I fussed. And let me tell you, it made things a whole lot worse! But once I finally started to calm down I could see how I caused a lot of the pain. I was dragging my feet, blaming others, blaming life — doing all these things instead of just saying, “Welp, back to work. It will be over soon, and I’ve gained a lot of experience”. I realized I needed to stay in the moment instead of wishing it all would be over (wishing took my focus off the task and made it take longer), stop and rest when I could instead of spinning my wheels, and recognize that I wasn’t the only one suffering from those circumstances. Realizing I wasn’t alone helped me to feel more at peace, and also to cheer on others which in turn lifted my own spirits. Taking a little bit of me time would have been great in retrospect since I was suffering from burnout. I met a lot of really great people through this somewhat intense side job, and I am grateful for that. I also got the chance to test my limits. I learned some new techniques that will help me with future projects. I’m really grateful for my friends and coworkers who cheered me on even as I turned into a glum puddle. Once I was able to accept their praise and realize I was making progress, things started to turn around. Don’t deflect people’s encouragement, friends! take it and let it fuel you! it doesn’t need to be perfect. And let them know they’re doing a great job too! the positive feedback going both ways will do wonderful things for you and them both <3

  74. Mojca

    Thanks for starting this conversation Marie, love this topic, so relevant to so many (if not all!) of us.
    What really helps me combat negativity is looking underneath, WHAT exactly is it that I’m feeling and it usually comes down to some sort of fear, stemming from the inner vulnerability we are always looking to protect. Then I address that vulnerable part in me and reassure it – perhaps with some specific good examples of things I can be proud of, but even better for me is to simply tell it I love it and accept it just the way it is, in the words of Louise Hay. So like positive affirmations but more in the form of a gentle loving conversation with the vulnerable (scared/ashamed/disappointed/you name it) part of myself. It really helps to see this state of mind as a separate part of me and not the whole of me.
    Hope this helps anyone.
    Xx

  75. I got a lot of negative thoughts because of my economic situation. I had to close my shop I started just 18 month ago.
    The thoughts always comes when I go to bed, when I don’t have anything to distract myself with.
    I read a book until I fall asleep.
    When I wake up during the night and can’t get back to sleep, I read the book until I fall to sleep again.

  76. Adriana

    You cannot begin to imagine just how helpful this episode turned out to be for me today. I’ve been having a negativity bias kind of week, reaching to a point where I left the office earlier today because I felt overwhelmed by this sensation of negativity and hopelessness.
    Don’t get me wrong, like most of you, I could write a long list of things I’m grateful for and in general I’m always in a cheerful mood, but adaptation is so hard (I’m doing an assignment in another country) and also I’ve been wondering for years if what I’m doing is what I’m meant to do and my gut feeling always is no, but financial commitments and immigration matters always have made it difficult to put my fixed salary at risk.
    And so, all this to say that you made me giggle and feel better. Now I don’t feel so alone in this and can look at it now from a certain distance. Thank you, thank you, thank you(and Fred) !

  77. Martha

    Thank you, MarieTV! I recently earned my masters of science. And trust, I know exactly what you’re talkin about! In graduate school everyone from students to professors hyperfocus on the negative. Something could always be better and nothing is ever enough! Excercise including surfing has helped me get through the negativity. However, at my lowest point I was taking that negativity into surfing and I wouldn’t have a good time. At this point I knew I had to find something else. I was fortunate enough to be invited to participate in a feminine power circle. In this power circle we spoke about our negative thoughts and supported each other to turn them into positive thoughts. It was awesome and super helpful. We learned from each other and helped each other transform our thoughts.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Wow Martha, all that feminine energy must be so powerful. I love hearing that you’re part of a productive circle of women who’s focus is on spinning to the positive side of things. Keep it up, it sounds like it’s helping so much!

  78. Kat

    My GF’s and I say we are gonna “Byron Katie or BK” it out. Is it true?! Love Katie. And Marie. <3

  79. Jennifer Grant

    YES!!!! This couldn’t have shown up at a better time in my email!! I’m still fairly new to running my own voice-over business (just over a year) and some days I struggle with this exact issue. I’ll be printing these steps out and putting them up in my studio to remind me of the good stuff. Thank you!!
    -Jennifer

  80. Rachel

    Marie, you’re awesome! I’ve been a follower for some time now, but this is the first time I’m writing a comment.
    This video was spot on!
    I’ve just recently launched my business and the self-doubt and “Negativity Bias” has been overwhelming. I was scheduled for two meetings with prospects today, nervous and anxious like crazy when I saw your video.
    It was a lifesaver! It helped restore my self-confidence and allowed me to calm down and give my all.
    Another technique that I use often to restore clarity is Heart Breathing which I learned through HeartMath. It’s fantastic and really works.
    Keep up the great work!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Thank you for being such an avid reader Rachel; we’re glad this video came at the perfect time for you! We’re wishing you all the best with your new business; you got this.

  81. The #1 thing that breaks a negative thought pattern for me is a stellar dance class! Zumba or hip-hop, especially!!! I always come out pumped on life! My attitude and outlook do a total 180. It’s the best!!! Thanks for this episode. Made for a great journal prompt today. Cheers!

  82. Daran Wallman

    I play the Didgeridoo. If I don’t have a didgeridoo near me use this technique I have developed:
    Taming, evolving and using the critical voice.
    We all have and hear a critical inner voice that says we are not good enough, not smart enough, not ever enough……. This voice can range from being a mild saboteur to being extremely negative and limiting. We often learn this critical voice when we are very young from our parents or caregivers, sometimes with the best of intentions, sometimes not. What happens is that we believe what was being said and start to repeat these false critical phrases in our own heads. We can actually become our own critical voice and by listening to this voice we limit ourselves, not allowing our own uniqueness to be expressed.
    Whenever you hear the critical voice, ask it:
    Are you helping me?
    Are you bringing me joy?
    Are you adding love to my life
    You will find that as soon as you question the voice it stops. What is happening is that you are identifying with the part of yourself who is asking or talking to the voice. By talking to the voice you will feel separate from the voice. After all, if you can talk to the voice then you’re obviously not the voice.
    Picture the critical voice as a children’s fisher price record player, baby duck or a little bunny rabbit. This takes the power out of the voice and gives you space from it. Imagine grabbing your projected picture of the voice and pulling it into your heart.
    Then thank the voice for telling you the exact opposite of what is true. For example if the voice says you’re not good enough, look for ways that you are good enough. If the voice says you’re not ready, skilled, or qualified to do something, tell it how you are already, skilled and qualified and go ahead and do the task at hand. For every negative statement you hear from the critical voice, repeat the positive opposite of that statement out loud to yourself 10 times.
    Basically, anything you hear from the negative critical voice, say and repeat the positive opposite 10 times.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience Daran! I love this notion of repeating the opposite of your negative thoughts out loud to yourself. Not only does this help you conjure up positive thoughts in your brain, but hearing helps to solidify them even more. Genius!

  83. Margaret F. King

    Hi Marie, love your positive video. Friends tell me I am so encouraging. I am an encourager because it helps me to feel a little bit better inside myself, but only a little. I often wonder how I can get myself to feel a lot better encouraging myself. It helps a little if I hear myself saying “It will all work out eventually”. Also I go for long walks and focus on walking 4 miles and I try to go every day(every other day is OK too). When I increase the blood flow to my brain it helps me to think of new solutions to my common problems. I have a lot of “why didn’t I think of that before!” moments. But yes, I get stuck in the negativity and am very open to trying some new ways to combat it. Thank you again!!!

  84. Rhonda 'Uhane'oli

    With the horrendous damage from Hurricane Harvey in Texas, how do I stay positive but not dismissive to family members and friends who have lost most of their “things” but not their lives? I’ve experienced what they are experiencing now. This would be a great Q&A Tuesday topic. Many blessings to you Marie Forleo and Team!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Rhonda, we’re so sorry that some of your family members have been affected by Harvey in this way, and we’re relieved to hear that for the most part, they’re doing ok. You might want to take a look at this MarieTV, where Marie talks about transforming negative vibes, or situations, into positive fuel.

      https://www.marieforleo.com/2014/12/tonglen/

      And remember, at the end of the day, you can only control your own attitude and reactions. Offer your family a listening ear, let them know that you’re there for them, and remain positive in your own life. That’s the best thing you can do.

      We’re sending you all so much healing and love.

  85. This is so true. I’m an author, and one bad review can cancel out ten good ones. Or thinking, I didn’t have a great a month this month as I did last time, when in fact, this month was perfectly fine–when last month was stellar. I’m going to remember those words. “Negativity bias” helps sum it up and makes it possible to work around it.

  86. Marie this is so true.. even you must be ignoring so many small positive comments like mine.. hahahaha. Frankly meditation is step 1 but step 2 is to start thinking further.. I am the same guy who told u about my business and now I am in a job but not being paid enough.. in order to grow I have been giving some feedback to the company but even that is being criticised.. so I have started looking for a job.. but don’t worry I will not give up this one till I don’t get that one.. could u do an episode on how long should some one be so one job??

  87. Love you Marie!!!!!
    Thank you for the great video, always comes at the right time 🙂

  88. This is brilliant. Thank you, Marie! Negative thoughts are absolutely debilitating in my life. I am constantly working with them. My friend recently taught me to name it, so I call the thoughts Lurlene- Apologies to anyone named lurlene in this thread- Lurlene is a nasty little thing who sits there on the porch of my brain in her rocking chair commenting on everything going by with a little smarmy comment. I am working on befriending her, and well, telling her to shut it when necessary. It puts a face to the negative thoughts and creates a situation where they become separate from reality, and can actually give those thoughts some humor.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Raquel, this is a genius idea! We’re wishing you and Lurlene a productive relationship, and encourage you to leave her at home as often as you can when you head out for the day. Bringing humor into a negative sphere always does the trick in shifting energy!

  89. Anjolee the Free

    Hell yeah!! I suffer from this to the point that I literally brush off good things…if people give me compliments or say nice things about me I will say something almost to take away from it. What a shame!

    Lately I have been using a simple trick to stop negative thoughts dead in their tracks…

    SMILE.

    I know its the oldest trick in the book but it works! I smile and then just shift to a better thought and then do it again the next time the negative thoughts come. Which is like…a couple mins later.

    Thanks Marie and team…I love what you do!!!

  90. Thanks for this, Marie!
    I sing myself happy! I’ve made a business out of tools and techniques to “change your tune”. Originally I created these songs for my inner child. Then I realized if it could help me, imagine what it would do for children, for them to start early learning how to change their tune. Thanks for the technical term “negativity bias” and yes, I love Rick Hanson’s work, too!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      What a creative business Ruth! It sounds like this process has been very therapeutic for you, and we love hearing that you’re using your talent to help train children to see the positive in the world. Rock on!

  91. Ellis Megee

    Great information, changing our lizard brain to a productive mind!
    Marie, you nailed it on this. Sometimes I’m able to do the things you mentioned and sometimes I have to give it time to settle down, like sleeping a couple nights then the cloud lifts.
    You are correct that recognizing and owning the process is key because we can’t fix what we don’t accept as true.
    I think the hardest part is admitting to our self we are wasting energy, time and productivity by allowing an issue to seethe and stew.
    So if I’m not honest with myself, how can I admit I’m on the wrong track? I can’t!

  92. Nice to have you back. And I really needed this one. I definitely have a hard time letting the negative comments bother me. I’ll be using these techniques to move on quicker.

  93. A powerful message Marie! More ways to tame the negativity in our world is extremely helpful today. Too few understand this bias. Even fewer understand the myths relating to negativity, such as “Criticism Works.” Born in 1890, Dale Carnegie understood it and captured it in his iconic book, “How to make friends & influence people.” Yet, far too many people today still believe their role is to criticize others, deluding themselves into believing they are making things better… Capturing many more practical tips to enhance the positivity in our daily lives is something I share your passion in doing. I look forward to what’s next.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Deb, we’re so glad that this perspective resonated with you! We love Dale’s book too, and we love the parallels you’re making here between his focus on positivity and the actions we shared. We’re happy to hear you’re passionate about this as well!

  94. Thank you for this! It is hard to feel a success because everything that works out I tend to take it for minimun standard that I have to achieve and the bar is always rising! If sth. doesn´t work out I start feeling overwhelmed and doubtful!

    I am excited that this topic came up just now as I was taking a break from writing an article about a coaching method I use that has exactly this at it´s core: our survival instincts and how to work with them to effectively and permanantly clear negative emotions, beliefs and behavioural patterns.
    Acknowledging what is now is key. Then acknowledging how this pattern kept you safe and allowing yourself to explore different options now that you are in a different environment, under different circumstances. Sincerely try it and feel what happens! Feel it don´t think it – pay attention to how your body feels in any state to get into the feel 🙂

    You can also try to find the hidden benefit:
    if you are beating yourself about about a mistake you make and you observe this is a pattern of yours, as this happens regularly ask and focus on your intuitive response:
    if there was a benefit, what could it be? How could this beating myself up serve me?
    Simplified sample Aswer: I stay cautious -> by staying cautious I don´t repeat my mistake –> I won´t be punished –> I fell safe. Safety is everbodys main priority (if you know it or not)

    Thank you for making it a topic. It encourages me on my way to get the word out about powerfull techniques to help free and empower oneself!

  95. although meditation, prayer and time spent in nature never fail in combatting my negative thoughts, I also find spending time getting creative in the kitchen – making a big old pot of veggie soup from scratch – very helpful and healing. Making soup always makes me feel like a better woman ! Lol 😂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love that, Kamila! Creativity can turn a whole day around. 🙂

  96. I really loved the message in this one… mos def resinated. Aaaaa the outakes… high-freakin-lar-ious!

  97. Marie this was perfect timing for me. I own a Fitness Studio and this time of year is always slow. It takes people a while to get back in the groove. So as I was heading into a really negative space this a.m. I checked my email and BAM! there is was, an opportunity that I’ve been wanting for a really long time. I am speaking to a Womens’ entrepreneur group called Dream Queens next Tuesday in place of my friend who couldn’t be there. She put my name in and they asked me to speak in her place. It changed my entire outlook on my day. So I am now working on my talk. Thanks for your positive, up lifting and REAL emails.

  98. When negativity bias catches me, I try to think of my beautiful baby nephews. It instantly brings me happiness e makes me smile. =)

  99. How funny…today I woke up with the critical, negative voice blaring in my ear, so I distracted myself by checking my email…and there you were, Marie Forleo, with this episode! Thanks for turning my day around! You rock!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s awesome, Nancy! The universe knew just what you needed and it delivered. 🙂

  100. On a daily basis use the Violet Flame and the Cosmic Blue Flame to purify yourself. Then ask Angels and Ascended Masters to charge your feelings with Divine confidence. Write down and visualise and (((((( feel ))))) daily the things that you DO want and register them deep in your feeling side of life.

  101. Agnes

    Thank you so much for this video!
    I acctually felt bad on distracting myself from negative emotions. We have this weird idea in our minds that we need to “work it through” while letting go is so much easier, plasant and faster way of dealing with negative moments.

    To distract myself I love to DANCE!
    Like crazy! Shake it off in my room in front of the mirror, do some stiupid faces, make myself laugh or cry it out untill there will bo nothing left.
    Sometimes it is 10 seconds, sometimes a half hour. Depends 😉

  102. Tom

    Thank you! SOOO timely!!! I try to be super creative, but sometimes just one negative comment can shut me down for a long time. Thanks for the tips, i will start using them today, if needed.
    Oh, was one of the cavemen your green onesie guy also??? He looked familiar. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I totally hear you, Tom! It’s so hard not to let that happen. I hope Marie’s tips help!

      And yes! Caveman and onesie man are the same. Good eye. 🙂

  103. What a wonderful topic! I use the 20-second rule when the negative response arises. I allow myself a short period of time to REEEEAAAALLLY feel the sadness, disappointment, poor me-ism … whatever! I sink into the feeling in my body, while remembering that all is well and that this too will pass. This seems to keep me from pushing the feeling under and having it pop up unexpectedly later. I give it a chance to move on through. Once I’ve let it have its say, then I put my attention on gratitude, appreciating beauty, taking a walk, hugging my dog … anything that reminds me that I have a great life. Thank you so much, Marie!

  104. Andra

    Wow, that is soooo me… Negative thoughts take me over and then they keep coming back. Years after i still feel terrible and lose confidence when i remember certain rejections, some of which were really minor. Still, i keep getting the “not good enough” parade through my mind and heart. It’s incredible how it can catapult me right into the depths of depression and climbing out is like getting out of a tar pit! The stuff just won’t let go! It’s been years now since i’ve started my search for that amazing super power of “letting go”… It’s what everyone says to do… But HOW?! I just can’t seem to manage it… 🙁
    What works best for me when depression strikes is nature. Walking by the river, in the forest, letting the water sort of wash the thoughts away, connecting to a tree… In a way it’s more like becoming numb, getting distracted, forgetting. It doesn’t always work for long. Today i was doing just that, focusing on the beauty of the sunset and trees and river in a park, and some guy started yelling at me to “get lost, don’t annoy me” when i approached his bench and stopped to take a picture of the river. For some reason it totally derailed me and the depression overtook me. I was angry at myself for being upset and crying over a complete stranger spewing anger at me for no reason. Kept thinking hurt people hurt people… But i couldn’t let go and it ruined what my walk had achieved until then : Forgetting my depression and feelings of loneliness and uselesness. Still, nature makes me feel better even if i go there to cry. I feel connected, part of the Earth…
    Other things i’ve found useful is prevention with a gratitude journal, always asking myself if what i think is true and if i’m sure things are as i see them, looking for alternative explanations that don’t envolve me, and always saying to myself “good thing? bad thing? who knows?!”. I also sometimes try the mindful walk : every step feel there, present, say “i have arrived, i am here now”, BE there (the hardest part) and then take another step and repeat. Or i listen to an audio of waves on the beach and daydream about peace moments at the beach, sometimes memories, sometimes just daydreams. Sometimes i say a couple of prayers that work. Or listen to a book i love and which makes me dream and laugh. Terry Pratchett’s books are my number one go-to even though i almost know them by heart by now. Or listen to something inspiring, TED talks, Marie TV, interviews with people i admire…
    It depends on the situation, really. Some days something works, other days something else. Sometimes i just need to cry it out… Not particularly quick my techniques, but since every perceived fail gets me to depression and can affect me for days, weeks and sometimes even months the quick fixes rarely work… But i guess i have a bit more than negative bias… I’ve been feeling like an epic fail since i was 7, despite being first at school, and since i’ve started on the “career ladder” it’s only gotten worse and worse. 🙁
    Thank you Marie for the tips and the book recommendation. It’s good to “name the beast”! And i love the books you share. Big Magic is my personal favorite. It’s like hearing my own thoughts reflected, it was so liberating!!! And the War of art too. Amazing books!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so sorry that man yelled at you, Andra! You didn’t deserve that at all and I hope it doesn’t discourage you from seeking the solace of nature, especially since it’s been helpful for you in the past.

      You’re not a failure at all and I’m really sorry you feel that way. There’s an episode of MarieTV about what to do when you’re feeling behind in life (https://www.marieforleo.com/2015/10/feeling-behind-in-life/) and another on what to do when you feel like you’re not good enough (https://www.marieforleo.com/2012/03/feeling-not-good-enough/), so I wanted to share those in hopes they’ll be helpful for you. We believe in you and know that you ARE good enough. You are enough.

  105. I have my own business and most of the time things run smoothly. I’ve been operating like this for easily the last 10 years. Generally I feel challenged, yet pretty confident. All that has changed in the last two months. The reason? A new part-time job (and still running my own biz). The work load is fast and furious and there are very few guidelines and minimal support. Even though I acknowledge this, I have been wasting energy and feeling like a big bag of crap because I believe I’m not performing well.
    What I know for sure is I HATE, HATE, HATE feeling this way. I also know that I’m solutions oriented so here’s my suggestion and reminder to MYSELF!

    Acknowledge there is a problem but stay focused on the solution.

    Thanks Marie. This could not have come at a better time! I will also try the distraction idea!! I Love You!

  106. Mikael

    Soooo well timed. This is what I’ve been talking about and dealing with. It’s a question I’ve been asking the last couple weeks–how can I turn my mind around when it’s stuck in Negative Nancy mode?? Thanks for your insights!
    Something I’ve started using is turnaround statements outloud. For example: I often say, “I’m horrible,” when I make a joke or something, so I’ve been catching myself when I say it out loud and combat it by stating, “No, I’m not horrible. That’s just my sense of humor, I’m human, and it’s all okay.” This way when I also say “I have a cookie problem,” I can turn it around into something about myself I can accept in the moment–“Nope! I just happen to really love cookies!”
    Changing my language, especially what I say out loud, helps.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so smart, Mikael! Words have power and sometimes the most subtle shifts can make the biggest difference. Thank you for sharing the changes you’ve been making with us!

  107. KG

    Yes,
    Totally relate!! I was so conditioned from early childhood to focus on the negative and move away from it. So much so that my energy for years was focused on caring, “what other people think,” more than how I felt and what I wanted.
    Thanks Marie!
    -KG

  108. KG

    Yes, shifting from a negative outlook to a positive one is one of the most valuable things I’ve learned in life and your recommendations are so perfect. So much wasted time and energy is spent complaining and being a victim which is a total drain. Getting into the habit of looking for the opportunities available even in seeming negative circumstances is well worth the time it takes. Thank you!!

  109. Surround myself with uplifting positive people 🙂 Share & get out of my head. That’s probably biggest thing that helps me!

  110. Audrey

    GENIUS idea Marie! Holy crap ….why hasn’t anyone even mentioned this instead of just trying to get rid of them all which is of course impossible-we are humans with emotions and feelings after all (imagine that).
    During a serious time when this is really needed to help me get out of a toxic work environment…I CAN DO THIS! Even if it delays the train, at least it’s not derailed and out for a long time.
    THANK YOU!!!!

  111. Thanks Marie, I was feeling “negativity bias” this past week with lack of progress with my blog, rather than a tangible loss of anything. When feeling discouraged, I tend to use the “distraction” method, and use every negative thought as a push to do something to better my position. I struggle with celebration and will work on that, but given I’ve struggled with celebrating successes for my entire life 🙂 this one may take some time.

    My goal this year was to rid my life of negative relationships, and I have had such a happier year as a result. I think as women we tend to want to “fix” and help people that are having a bad day/week/month. I don’t feel I’ve abandoned people, but do feel I’ve learned that some people actually don’t want to be happy, and their normal is to feel negative about their situation. By removing regular interactions with those people, and replacing it with more interactions with people who give off positive energy and inspiration, I actually feel more productive and accomplished myself! That realization has been such a blessing, and I feel my friendships are stronger as a result. Am I off-base with this? Have I abandoned those people who give off negative energy?

  112. Wow Marie – I’m so impressed. Your fans and students include a 60-something businessman! Being yourself has its rewards …. another great lesson …
    and a great Q&A.

  113. Alison

    I LOVE THIS EPISODE, Marie!!!
    This is an amazing video on the negativity bias and three steps to turn it around.
    Thank you !!!

  114. AWESOME episode on negativity bias! I’m always trying to explain this to people, and your video was so clear! Ok, so besides EFT (LOL), I like to use Colette Baron-Reid’s IN-Vision process to SEE the landscape I’m hanging out in during an episode of negativity bias, and then call in a flying creature to come take me out of it!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That sounds like a fantastic technique too! Thank you so much for sharing it with the community––we appreciate you. 🙂

  115. Andrea albarran

    Eating my favorite foods, treating myaelf like a queen. (Facemasks with friends, manicures, kombuucha). Being silly and laughing at myself works. I dont ask for positivity but when I focus more on the word “clarity” it just seems easier for me to repeat that word in order to get me out of that state.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Love it, Andrea! I find the peel-off face masks especially cathartic. 🙂

  116. Hello Marie
    Thank you for a great show!

  117. Yes it has caught me off guard, and will keep trying to.

    “What you allow your mind to focus on, shapes your brain.” Yes, and what tames my lizard brain is understanding WHY this is and dig into knowing more about how I can be more deliberate in my own thinking and cultivate positivity.
    And I digress.. I’ve come to understand, thru one of my favourite teachers of today, Bashar, that we have 2 minds and 1 brain – Higher mind, physical brain and human mind…The higher mind is the Conceiver..it is the place
    where imagination, dreaming awe and wonder live..this is where we conceive our ideas, get our epiphanies,
    and this is where magic lives. The physical brain is what I call the RECEIVER…our brain is wired to
    receive everything the higher mind conceives…now on to our human mind (which is the one we are most acquainted with) which I call the PERCEIVER… This is the reptilian part of us, it is where ego lives along with logic and reason…this is the part of our minds that Marie, you are referring to as “our ancient brain circuitry.” We are SO familiar
    with this part of our minds because it’s the part we have practised most for thousands of years because that’s all
    we knew.. Now that we live in these times of acceleration, awakening and higher consciousness we have definitely evolved and are finding out that there is a non-physical side to us which Tony Robbins says is driven by the unseen forces which really is the BIGGER part of us. This is where the mind and its roles, comes in. Everything I write here is beyond proven by science and the only thing that trips us up in being stuck in the negative bias, is hanging on to our medieval beliefs. This is why the better understanding we have of self, the better we are equipped in dealing with daily life and truly living a life that we prefer. And you’re bang on Marie with being aware and acknowledging first. It’s what I do with the Human mind which I know is simply looking out for me so instead of fighting with the ego I thank her every time and tell her how much I love and appreciate her and that she is and always will be a part of me no matter what, BUT I’ve got this and I’m in charge so rest up and enjoy the ride. And poof back to feeling good and positive. Thank You for always facilitating such leading edge conversations and concepts and most of all keeping it real and having fun! Love and blessings, Nicky

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That makes so much sense! Psychology is fascinating stuff.

  118. I appeared on a very popular tv show for 4 years. It was a weight loss/makeover show and appeared on gym tv screens in a replay loop and eventually in reruns around the world. People really liked me or they really did not. After any episode I would hear from people who were inspired by the work I did, the insights I shared or the results I was able to assist the participants to achieve, or I would hear from people who wanted me to get the f@ck off the television and hated me.
    I have always known I am not for everyone.
    I have always examined my misses and fails, learned from them and then focused on the things that I did get right, so I could do more of those.
    Losing people, followers or subscribers who don’t support you allows you to focus more on the community that does. Understand why some don’t support and if you can learn something from it, act on it. If it prompts you to put more energy into your thing the next time, that insight from a lost subscriber, viewer or follower is actually a gift.
    At the end of every day, we need to realize we will never satisfy, appeal to or be supported by everyone, even if they did once hit the subscribe button. If that is hard to take, you should get off the internet.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Yes! Right on, Fred! It’s impossible to please everyone, so the important thing is to do what you love and focus on the community who loves what you do.

  119. Love this episode thank you for your thoughts. I treat all setbacks as gifts, so over time I no longer see anything as negative when a situation occurs. I know I am part of ots creation so I just connect into that part of me which is hurting/reacting, and find out why, and what it wants. I then work with my soul to heal the underlying cause to dissolve it, and I am left with a beautiful nugget of wisdom (the gift) that I can grow from. I do the same with negative thoughts. I dig down to see where they are coming from and why and then fix it. Sounds simple but took years of spiritual practice but mostly through forming a deeper connection with my soul. Have a beautiful day everyone xx

  120. Each time I slip with a negative I’m going to remember those hunky, strokey, cappuccino loving cavemen! You are too funny! I’ve done years of re-programming of my brain – yet there were places unreachable and questions unanswerable – until Marianne Williamson inspired me to start The Course in Miracles. I put it down last year as it was like putting my brain through a sieve – tricky language and my own preconceived (negative ideas) around male dominated religion… but now after a tragedy in losing my partner’s gorgeous young daughter to an accident, I’ve picked it up again. It’s the cornerstone of moving the ego mind aside – which defaults to negative and programming the mind to ‘think God/Goddess-like’… which is all things cool, joyful and funky. A dose of Marie TV also flicks the switch! Thanks Marie and the team. You rock!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so, so sorry for your loss, Rachael. I know there’s nothing that could take the pain away, though I’m glad you have A Course in Miracles to support you through this challenging time. It’s such a good resource. We’re sending tons of love you and your partner’s way.

  121. Joel Vogt

    I’ve been reading the book “The subtle art of not giving a f***” by Mark Manson and it has actually tought me to embrace the negative and in doing so it leaves me feeling more positive because I no longer run away from the negative but face it head on. It’s actually helped me to stop fighting so much with my wife. Instead of trying to avoid conflict, I just accept life and let it go where it goes. It’s been a wonderful life tool.

    Moral of the story, don’t try to avoid the negative but use it…USE IT as leverage into the positive.

  122. Jennifer Trautmann

    Marie, I love your work! Sitting with the positive for a longer period of time really hit home. Looking forward to using that strategy. Another strategy I use to combat others negatively or my own spiraling thoughts is Evernote. I have a folder of encouragement. It contains positive quotes, scripture, photos that ground me, pictures of positive notes people have written, saved email feedback, web clipping of impactful articles online. I almost always have my phone on me therefore I am always armed and ready to stop the negativity spiral. I also have specific folders for doubt and personal identity.

  123. LisaK

    I work at a place that is very negative and that seems to also be Management’s style, so when I start to second guess something I have done I like to go outside and work in the garden. Being in the garden is my Quiet Zone and physically working hard is a great distraction.

  124. Preeti T

    Welcome back Marie and team!
    When I’m going through an episode of negative bias, I make my husband my sounding board. Talking to someone you trust will give you an unbiased input as to whether your feelings are justified or just distractions.

  125. No, I don’t meditate when my brain goes into the negative – my thoughts are racing too much – I pet my dog, go out with my dog, dance on Michael Jackson’s music, get the car and drive on the highways, watch “Sharks’ tank”, and so on 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I have the hardest time meditating too, Llyane, so I hear you! It sounds like you’ve found some great workarounds. There are thousand great ways to quiet the mind and I’m so glad you’ve found some good ones!

      • I don’t have a problem meditating, I just think that meditation is best in the morning and at night – it can also be a lifestyle, and using it in a smart way is what I suggest that we do 🙂

  126. The good ole negativity bias – shows up every day with glitter & glam on:) LOVE the video and the list of how to disrupt it Marie! Here are my 3 items I use – 1. I use the 5 Second rule to choose a new thought & change my state – I breathe, move, shrug my shoulders or do the shimy:).
    2. I get Curious , observe and see who else is at the door -I get on my tip toe and look to see who else is visiting. I always remind myself that with every negativity bias at my door, there is a positive one just around the corner.
    3. I write my daily gratitude plus my positive experiences and savor the moment with movement. This also helps embed it into my long term memory.:)

    I also adore Rick Hanson – I am taking his Positive Neuroplasticity Training Course this week – SO excited!!! Thank you & Team Forleo for keeping us inspired.

  127. Yes I’ve definitely been caught here! I end up talking about negativity bias a lot with clients, because we all have it! My most effective strategy is to be really mindful of the negativity. I know that’s a spinoff of meditation but I’ve honestly found nothing that works better for me. To allow those thoughts to be there and any accompanying feelings — and to love them through it. To say “Oh hello, scared (of not being enough). There you are again. It’s okay. I love you. You are safe.” I try not to split myself in two by trying to ignore those thoughts/feelings (dislike them) and love only the other parts of me. Once I’ve acknowledged/accepted/loved them, I remind myself that I am enough. In fact, damn it, I am awesome! And so is everyone. We are all enough. We all are really awesome. The trick is to remember. Blessings.

  128. Liana Caesar

    Hey Marie thank you so much for this video such a big help , yes that negativity is definitely terrible I do have my fear share’s at times,but what keeps me going I love to read up and look up positive uplifting inspired quotes that are true and keeps me going.

  129. Love the wiggy cavemen.

  130. Kellie Sue

    Love this. Honestly, I know that people use meditation and tapping and all of that stuff. And I do that too, but I’m a screamer and a venter. I usually have to bitch about it out loud to myself in my car, my apartment, scream my head off ( my closet is a soundproofed studio for vocals anyway, so my neighbors don’t freak out). It depends on what it is though. For me, some things just never go away. I have the ability to feel, see, smell, and completely re-experience pretty much anything, both good and bad. It’s a great ability to have as an actor, but not so great for getting past painful events. In the end, I kind of have to analyze them to death and then write a song about it or make it into a sketch comedy to put it to rest — even the really bad ones are cathartic.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s fantastic, Kellie Sue! I’m right there with you––sometimes screaming into a pillow or belting out a good, loud song in the shower really does the trick. 🙂 It’s really cool to hear how your art affects your perception and experiences, and vice versa.

  131. Rebecca White

    Thanks for a great episode Marie, this is actually perfect timing for my 7 year old. He always focuses on the small negative events from a particular experience (eg swimming lessons, attending a show, playing with a certain mate), that cloud out his memory of all the other positive things that happened in that certain event. I was already using the tip #3, but will definitely use tip 1 and 2 to help him through his negativity next time it comes up (which is often!!).

  132. One thing that definitely helps fight that annoying crazed feeling of negativity is Cranking up the music ( headphones if you live in an apartment) and dancing, AKA jumping ataiund like a mad person .
    It really does help

    • ANNA VIESTE

      Oops that should read :dancing AROUND:

      • Mandy - Team Forleo

        YES! We love a good dance break over here. 🙂 *happy dances*

  133. Najwa Aref

    Good Morning Marie
    I am Najwa from Amman Jordan ( middle east ) and I want to tell you I really enjoy your videos a lot specially I see them in the morning , I admire your personality and your smile .. Thank you , wish you all the best ..
    best regards
    najwa

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thank you, Najwa! That’s so kind of you to say and we really appreciate your sweet note to Marie. We’re thrilled to have you tuning in all the way in Jordan!

  134. When I loose a sale, have a refund or cancelled order. I simply cancel the negativity by saying ” Thank you for the closeness of the match I take the next one”
    This action immediately improves my move and gets me excited for the next opportunity.

    • Anahita

      Improves my mood not move 😃

  135. Maisarah

    Marie, I’m Maisarah from Malaysia. I found out about you on YouTube and I really love all your personal insights. It helped me so much in many different areas of my life.

    FYI, I have phone anxiety. So it is difficult for me to be the first one to call. But after watching this video, I tried to apply all the steps you’ve given. The negativity bias like, “The other person might be grumpy” suddenly hit me. So I stopped trying to call that person in charge (work-related) because I felt my adrenaline rushing. I played some games for awhile to calm myself down. Then I found myself a comfortable place to sit for the phone conversation. Doing this would keep me in a positive mood should something bad happened. Before I hit the button to call that person, I tried to recall the last time I talked with someone over the phone which went really well as the person sounded very nice. Then I just kept having faith that everything will work out. Guess what happened after that? Everything went well! Thank God for that. I finally accomplished my goal! I feel like I’ve gained my courage once more. So thank you, thank you for your help. I wish you success in everything you do, Marie.

    Love,
    Maisarah

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s so great to hear, Maisarah! I’m really glad it went well. I know a lot of people have phone anxiety, so I hope they’ll see your comment and it’ll help them too. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 🙂

  136. Gloria

    Marie,
    Please re-consider donating to The Red Cross. Check Charties Navigator.com as well as some nasty reviews about some past situations.
    There are far better charities that give more of a percentage to the actual people and/or situation. One of the many … Americare gives 97%

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for letting us know, Gloria. We absolutely support giving to other charities or anywhere people feel called to give. The need is so great in Houston and there are so many ways we can help––we’re just glad you and others in our beautiful community are supporting those in need during this immensely challenging time. Thank you for all you do!

  137. This is me! I am so much like Teri, trying to people please all my life and most people emotionally run right over me. I’ve tried to ignore it, made a gratitude list, etc. I will try your three step method, sounds great! This is what I really needed to hear! I watch and love your shows. For years I’ve desperately wanted to take a woman’s assertiveness class. There are none to be found. Will you please consider doing an episode on assertiveness for women? Again, love your shows and wish I could be more joyful like you.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s a great suggestion, Robin! If you’ll write to us at infoATmarieforleoDOTcom we’ll be happy to help you submit this for consideration for a future Q&A Tuesday episode.

  138. Robin Jackson

    I’m a retired flight attendant and now work 2 jobs part time because I lost my most recent job of 10 years as an animal caregiver. Just in this year I have lost my dog, Susie, 3 beloved cats, a duck, 2 ducklings, and now the house I’m renting is being sold so I’m packing but don’t know where I’m going. Added to that my cat, Hatch, was euthanized without my permission. His quality of life was great but he was in for a broken arm (something attacked him but he made it to my bedroom where I jumped out of bed and rushed him to an emergency vet 80 miles away) which needed to be amputated. He was euthanized instead. I’m battling grief, anger, depression and the world in general. When I think of Hatch I have to stop, leave the room to avoid blubbering all night and playing those awful tapes of anger in my head that are so very hard to get past. Distraction. Distraction. Distraction. focusing on my 5 other cats, some are hospice, the ducks and taking care of myself helps immensely. At work, I focus on the customer and try very hard to make their visit a good one. Every night I thank the universe for all I have and am detailed much of the time. I have a grand total of $5 dollars in my savings account and usually can’t make it through the month without being overdrawn but trust I will. I tune into
    you and Daily OM and it really helps me. Focusing on others is the thing to do but so hard to do when depression hits. Drugs help. Legal and illegal.
    I don’t know if I answered your question or not but I hope so. By the way your hair is very beautiful and distracting as is your way of emoting…beautiful (not distracting). I’m rambling. Peace. Robin

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so incredibly sorry for all the hardships you’ve faced. Any one of those would be heartbreaking, so all of them together is especially saddening. I know there’s nothing anyone could say to make you feel better, but please know we’re thinking of you and sending so much love your direction. I really hope things get better soon and know that you always have a place to receive support and positivity in our community.

  139. My husband and I celebrate my wins- even though they’re really small at the moment. I reached 40 email subscribers, 250 Instagram followers and 50 likes on my Facebook page a couple of weeks ago, so we went out to a local coffee shop for lunch.

    I also laugh at unsubscribes- I know why they’re doing it….I do it too! They’re just waiting for the freebie, knowing that their inbox is too full anyway to keep opening my email every week….The best thing is that I know they would never buy from me anyway… BUT they know about me, have downloaded and probably printed my freebie so will remember my name and possibly recommended me to a friend…AND my open average goes up, thanks to someone who will never buy from me anyway not sticking me in their spam folder. 🙂

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      Those are great reasons to celebrate, Hannah! As Marie says, “progress, not perfection.” And I love your positive attitude about unsubscribes. Go you! 🙂

  140. Sue

    This is just great! I work with actors and their lives are always up and down, so I will send this out to all my clients. Thank you Marie

  141. Daniel Pereira

    Negative ideas popping up in our mind is one of the problems that we are getting confronted with on a minute basis, the simple reason that we from the day that we were born is the dish of the day, from our parents, family, radio, TV and a few more sources. We are bombarded with negative comments, stories etc. And because we are very naive about life due shortage of life experiences we automatically fall in the same net of the negativity, till the day that we decide to explore a different way of a happy comfortable living by thinking more on a positive side. And have thoughts and ideas of a total positive way of our desired living.
    To start with, any bad thought or dream (Only deal with as it happens) Because 100% there are situations of a negative fantasize thoughts of an idea in the future, so wait till it gets to you, before make any assumptions what it will be, going to be, or the required manner how you will deal with. Invariably the next hour, day or month the story event has changed or has been dissolved due to the natural circumstances, in the meantime you have been worried for nothing by making yourself and others around miserable and unhappy.
    Remember only we as individual that can make us happy, unhappy or sad, no matter the event even dealing with death.
    Keep on smiling life is great if you wanted to be.

  142. Robinsunne

    I take it all to my studio. Just this morning I was hearing the old runaround in my brain. So, while I was in the shower (a great place for Listening, your Step #1, Marie,) I came up with a couple of counter-point affirmations and a couple of ways to turn those affirmations into pretty little collages or drawings in my studio today.

    Bright colors, enthusiasm, kind words to myself, and maybe even a few sticky-backed faux jewels. 🙂 Blessings to all. Hope this helps.

  143. My favorite episode ever – inspired me to comment for the first time. Great mindset lesson wrapped up in your usual succinct joy – thank you, and way to go Fred for the most excellent question!

  144. My brain actually works in a weird kind of way. I have to go through it before I move on.

    I can’t lie to myself or ignore the feeling, so I admit what the emotion is. Fear, tired, uncertainty. Every emotion is added with a cause and understanding, so I can recognize the behavior and believe it when I say “everything will be alright. ”

    Slowly words get expunged the more I repeat descriptive phrases to those who ask, and instead of saying “I’m frustrated because…” it shifts to “it was challenging” than phrases of courage and recognizing opportunity where chaos once led.

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s really cool, Jessica! That sounds like a really smart and helpful way to process negative experiences.

  145. Donald HIghtower

    Hi Marie, I just got back from Houston a few days ago. I was there with some of my retired Army friends helping out my brother in law’s brother. It was a challenge seeing their home and their neighbor’s homes all showing the affects of flood damage by the hurricane flood waters. But despite the negative environment the community was all working together to help and support one another . Our family members needed help during such a devastating time and we were on a mission to prevent anymore suffering that they have not already endured. The two days that we were there despite of the weather conditions made a difference to our family. We gave support, time, maximum effort, sweat and dedication to lifting the burden of this tragedy from our family members heart. When it was all said and done the family members were relocated to another home and the house was prepared for the demo team to remove the damaged walls from the house. We could have chosen to focus on the negative but we were grateful that no family member lost their life only material possessions that were lost that can be replaced. Life is good when know your family has your back no matter whatever the circumstance or challenge ; you can always find the good stuff hidden within every situation and during those two days I found compassion and strength to help others in need 🙂.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Wow, Donald! Thanks so much for sharing– we’re so glad to hear that your family is safe and that you were able to help shoulder the weight of this tragedy alongside them. What a beautiful act of service that I’m sure they’ll cherish throughout the process of putting the pieces of their lives back together, and beyond.

  146. Dru

    Love how you throw in those ridiculously humorous vignettes! Humor is soooo important in life!
    I will often walk my beasties or put on some crazy music and dance and scream along with it to get myself out of a negative funk.
    Here’s to a great day – bumps and all!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We couldn’t agree more, Dru! We’re so glad you’ve found some creative ways to put the “fun” back in funk. Keep on rocking!

  147. Thank you Marie!!
    This is so true, my brain always seems to default to the negative. I do try to catch myself which sometimes works, but these tips are super helpful to combat the negativity bias even more.
    Much love to you and the team xxx

  148. I do things that help me lose track of time for a few minutes like read an excerpt from my favorite book, watch a funny YouTube video or look at old pictures. I think we can all use losing track of time for a few minutes in the busy world we live in.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Heck yes, Noel! We hope this episode gave you a bit of a boost today. Thanks for tuning in!

  149. Hi Marie
    Timing is everything.
    I fell into a rabbit hole of negativity on Monday. I struggled yesterday.
    Today, I came to one of my favorite co-working places [Columbia Tower Club-Seattle]. I watched your show from yesterday. Wow. Now I’m looking the right direction.
    Thank you.
    Michael

  150. Thanks so much for addressing this topic! I am, by far, my biggest critic (always have been very hard on myself) and struggle with this a lot.

    I own a gymnastics club and my summer was filled with moving (we moved the gym to a new location at the end of July, operated there for a month with a limited, temporary set up, then moved our permanent set up in last week, as well as being blindsided by a 30 day vacate notice at our house on August 1st). We finished the permanent set-up this past Sunday and took Labor Day to step away from the gym and spend time with family. Come Tuesday (the re-opening day), I was full of anxiety, bitterness and anger.

    I am looking forward to getting started in a ballet technique class next week. I think part of my problem being a sole proprietor is that I sacrifice SO MUCH for my gym that there’s nothing left for me. I hope the ballet class helps (and that I can also use it not only for myself but learn some techniques I can pass onto my gymnasts since my dance instructor quit last spring).

  151. This is so good, thank you!!

  152. I find that HALTS is a good way to put a halt on my negative thinking — Whenever I’m in a spiral of negative thoughts, I check in with myself and ask — Am I Hungry (or overly Hot?) Angry? Lonely? Tired? or Sick? If I can answer YES to any of those things, I need to HALT immediately! That usually means taking a break, grabbing a snack, taking a nap or calling a friend for coffee. I have a rule that if I’m in “HALTS”, I’m not allowed to make any major life decisions OR any decisions about my self worth or judgments about what I’m doing or creating. I make myself wait until I’m in an energized well-rested, happy, full-bellied state before I can revisit those decisions. It’s been an ah-mazing practice and works every time! Thanks for the awesome vid! 🙂

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Love this, Karen! Thanks for sharing this clever trick. We’re so glad you’ve found a positive way to keep negativity in check. Keep on shining!

  153. Negativity literally KILLS my creativity. As a fiber artist, my creativity IS my business. I have started a practice of going out to my studio and “winging it” when I feel crushed by depression or negativity. It’s pretty amazing what comes out. I don’t go in with any intent to sell or market that “winged” thing. Nope. Just pure expression. That creative process allows me to come back to why I do this anyway, and why I love it, and reconnect with the fact that I did it before I ever sold a thing! And that the negative comment or event doesn’t change the joy I feel when I am simply being creative, and learning. The rule of “distraction” you mentioned is so true. When you are focused like a laser on your art (in my case) there is no room for all the static.

  154. Amy Haynes

    My first comment! This is super helpful. I’ve definitely gone through this myself multiple times and it is just soul sucking. I’ve actually been reading “Positive Intelligence” by Shirzad Chamine and the book has a lot of related techniques and tips to focus on the positive and ways to turn a negative into a positive. I’m just starting to implement these practices in my daily life, so hopefully I’ll get some good results. If anyone hasn’t read it yet, I recommend giving it a try! Thanks so much for the video.

  155. Mags

    Being a Life Coach and trainer myself you’d think Id have this sussed – however – I too can get caught in the ‘moan and groan’ society at times! So good to be reminded about gratitude, distraction and the 20 second rule. Thank you Marie, loved it! 🙂 x

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Alas, no one is immune, Mags, but at least we’re all on this ride together! We’re so glad you enjoyed this episode and hope it gave you some great new tricks to try out. Thanks for tuning in!

  156. Rina

    I have frustrating health problems that make me lose my patience and it can feel sooooo discouraging at times! I have chronic neck pain due to scoliosis of the spiiiiiiiine. *the drama* It’s mild and reversible and I’m going to regular physiotherapy, but it still impacts my lifestyle and causes a great deal of pain at times. Whenever I start feeling really discouraged, I bounce back by remembering what a freaking badass spiritual warrior I was when I spent six years overcoming a chronic illness using a hardcore primal diet and lifestyle with a strong emphasis on traditional foods (Sallon Fallon style). I take my health for granted now (so long as I don’t commit too many nutrition abuses!) and during dark times when I feel like saying “ugh, there’s always something wrong! What is it *this* time?” in a fit of frustration and PMS-fuelled anger, I pause and think “common, Rina. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. We’re probably standing up for 10,000, which is pretty badass. If we can overcome painful and debilitating chronic illness, we can overcome scoliosis.” (I speak to myself in plural – is that healthy? How many of me am I referring to? Just the conscious and the subconscious, I would think. And the biological collective that is the 50-100 trillion cells and organisms that make up my body. ‘Sup gang?)

    Bouncing back this way in terms of work and life… eh, I’m not so great at. In fact, I often feel like a toddler having a tantrum on the inside, and trying to remain composed and confident on the outside. This is definitely an area I would love to apply this healthy habit of thinking and attitude in! What I enjoyed just now, as an insecurity popped up, was I let it play out, and then I took a moment to reflect upon why I’m strong, competent, and continuously improving by remembering some times when I kicked ass. I savoured that for twenty seconds. I think I like combining those methods lol! Insecurity pops up? Time to savour a time I was awesome.

  157. Beautifly Said….and I loved your look!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks for the kind words, Maru! We’re so glad Marie’s work resonates so deeply with you. Thanks for stopping by!

  158. Two words for my therapy: Music. Dancing. 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

  159. Love these! Always spot on with the actionable tips, Marie. Love you and your wisdom! I definitely get caught off guard by negativity bias, because I’m human and it’s a habit I’m slowly learning to dissolve with compassion for myself when it happens.

    Saying, “I see that,” helps. Sounds a bit strange, but it’s similar to the “name it to tame it.” It feels like I step back and line up with my “higher self” and I can see the thoughts bouncing around with more clarity and perspective. “I see that” reminds me that I’m not the thoughts or negativity, but I’m the one seeing it happen.

    Thanks, as always, for the motivation. 🙂

  160. Does your brain complain? I realized one day that I was complaining… A LOT with my girlfriends, so I decided to stop. And then what happened? I realized that I was complaining in my mind and, boy! that was SO much worse. So, then I decided that every time my “brain is about to complain”, I’m going to be grateful for what I was about to complain about. I came home from teaching a weekend workshop and had piles, I mean PILES of dishes in the sink. I was in total brain/complain mode and I did this: I’m grateful for my husband and kids who have food to eat, dishes to eat on, a sink with running water…and so on. As I kept going, my whole energy shifted and felt lighter and more positive. Thanks for posting this! It must be in the collective unconscious to shift into positivity!

  161. When I think of ” Velcro” it makes me laugh and even you put Velcro with Negative Thinking it’s still funny. I’m sorry I have never seen anything fly, hot or fashionable that has Velcro in it or on it! As much as possible when I start thinking Negative Thoughts I will think about those ugly but comfortable as hell Boys Market Shoes that seemed to be made out of recycled foam cups and old shirts that my father bought us all at the grocery store when tennis shoes were steal made out of leather. Can’t stay in negative thoughts when you reflect back on your first pair of Bubble Gums with the Velcro closings!

  162. Tina

    Hi! Amazing topic!………..My teacher Dr H at Energetic Health Institute has a great saying regarding neuroplasticity and how the brain gets wired to focus one way or another based on our thoughts and inner dialogue / mind chatter. He says it like this, “The Greatest Energy Always Prevails.” So, if we consistently focus on positive thoughts more than negative, the positive neurotransmitter pathways start to form and will diminish the negative ones. Our train of thought will start to automatically be driven towards the positive as the neuropathways build and strengthen in that direction because the greatest energy always prevails. The body is truly incredible!

  163. Lisa Charles

    Hi marie,
    Loved this, you look great by the way loved you outfit today. Georgeous!
    Regards,Lisa Charles.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for the kind words, Lisa! Marie’s fabulous outfit is the work of her talented stylist, Elsa, who often makes cameo appearances on MarieTV. Thanks for tuning in!

  164. Great subject and thanks so much Marie for talking about this which I, like everyone else has experienced. What I have become aware of is that the negative bias appears when I think in a particular way. It is what I call Attachment Thinking. It is where we hold on in our thoughts and generate fear-based emotions and thought patterns. So when I do this kind of thinking, my focus goes there and this amplifies if you will, the emotions and thought (what we called negative) patterns that show up in this kind of thinking. What I have learn’t is to first off become aware that I am doing this kind of thinking. When I am aware, I break the cycle with a couple of words that work and that return me back to myself. I have also come to realise that is not the mind or the brain, but in fact what I do in language, in thinking, therefore I am responsible not the mind or the brain. I have just written a blog post on “how” we are thinking to highlight why the switch from negative to positive thinking does not work and how it does not address the source of the problem and the solution, how we are thinking. Thanks again Marie!

  165. AAAmazing. I have an organization called Original Kids, where I teach kids about emotional intelligence and neuroscience through the arts. After watching this I started to brainstorm a creative activity where I can teach kids this simple steps!

    Thank you so so much! Love your energy and your beautiful insights.

    Love,
    Carolina Corseuil

  166. Yvette Chabrier

    Marie this has been a huge break thru for me.
    It is amazing what happens when I can acknowledge without judgement the immediate conversations that happen in my head when I am challenged or afraid. I am so delighted that you share such great content and vulnerable truths that occur to us all, but the minute we wake up to what our automatic reactions are you can actually consider something else.
    Consider that this is here to guide us in perhaps a better journey and we innately have the answers. Just bring my focus to whatever brings me joy and gratitude and I immediately make better decisions, and continue moving forward with the awareness of what my initial thought was that made me feel like crap. At times it can even mean not making a decision . Thank you for sharing yourself, it propelled me to share as well. So grateful for your work.
    xoxo Yvette

  167. Karolien

    beautiful skirt!

  168. Holy SMOKES. This came at the absolute perfect time! I did an art commission a few weeks ago – I really tried to give the client exactly what they wanted, only to receive a very nasty e-mail in return. I was flabbergasted.
    So what did I do? I cried, of course. (Can’t help it.) I texted my sister, who immediately called me and gave me a pep talk – what a wonderful sister! That helped tremendously. Unfortunately I was still plagued with large panic attacks – until I got out of town for a couple days. Literally being away from where it happened made me forget all about it and put it behind me. There is SO much good in my life, and this was a very minor glitch. Negativity Bias be damned! 😀

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks so much for sharing Mel! It can be devastating, especially as creatives, when our work isn’t received as we hope, so just know you’re not alone. In fact, this is a topic Marie talks about in this episode that may provide an extra boost of encouragement for you: https://www.marieforleo.com/2016/05/fear-of-criticism/ We’re so glad to hear you have such a supportive sister and that you’re back and ready to create even more goodness and beauty in the world! Keep up your amazing work.

    • Mel! I can totally relate. I’m an artist too and do commissions as well. Finding that perfect harmony of pleasing your collector and feeling like you did your best work is a bit like walking a tightrope. Maybe see what you can learn from your negative-Nelly collector and just chalk it up to another lesson learned. I’ve found that it’s another way to get over the hurt and not get paralyzed by frustration. Keep on keeping on, girl!

  169. I have struggled for 41 years with a medical negativity bias–mental illness. It is ingrained and pronounced, but I fight, and I learned today from your video that it is so simple to extinguish negativity bias. I will implement this technique in my life so that I can pursue my new life as a self-published author.
    Thank you, Marie
    Frances

  170. Welcome back, Team Forleo!

    Going beyond EFT and meditation (yes, I accept that challenge, even though they are great ways to combat negativity bias), my husband and I were just discussing outlets this week: ways of coping or venting that don’t damage our relationship.

    My outlet is my writing: using 750words and OmmWriter, I pour my heart out onto the metaphorical paper (hey, I type faster than I handwrite), and I get to then look at my thoughts and feelings that I wrote about. Sometimes my mind lies to me, and sometimes I have great inner wisdom that is now outer wisdom on the screen. Both the lies and the truths serve me well to get back to neutrality.

    My husband has yet to discover his outlet, but I know he’ll find something that works for him.

    In the moment when I’m confronted with negativity, I pull out my “Happy File” filled with love notes and testimonials from clients, and I read a few. Helps pull me out of the negative frame of mind, but I will definitely be lingering on that Happy File a lot longer now that you mentioned the 20 second rule: time to REALLY savor those notes!

    Thank you, Marie, for this timely reminder that when it comes to negativity, our lizard brains are totally wired out of proportion!

  171. Leslie B

    When I’m at work and something happens that really bothers me, brings me down, etc. I start writing out my gratitude list. Yes! Marie I know you mentioned that but it takes the tears away instantly! (yes I get the at work at my job while I’m sitting there tediously typing away) Thanks for another great episode!

  172. Con Mart

    2 to 4 HRS! It takes me 2 to 4 YEARS to get over a rejection or failure!
    Such a waste.

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Oooh, we hear you! We hope this episode gave you some helpful tips for trimming down that recovery time in the future. Thanks for tuning in!

  173. I have a few in the moment tactics I like. If I have time a walk or short workout works wonders. If I’m working at the computer putting on a comedy radio station or podcast is a refreshing distraction. When I go to confront the bad feelings using Brene Browns starter of “the story I’m making up in my head is…” reminds me of how being hijacked by my reptilian brain usually means I’ve filled in a lot of information that is inaccurate. Finally I find creativite exercises can bring me back to a relaxed state and gives me a chance to focus on the good. Like playing an instrument, dancing, writing a poem, painting, cooking, etc.

  174. This is great, Marie! Thank you for your zest and zing in each of your Q&A Tuesday episodes. Keep it coming!!
    One more question, though….does this process work if there’s a niggling negative experience lurking in your subconscious? One that pops up when you’re cruising along doing your thing and in the flow of good things happening? Is there a different strategy for that ugly beast?
    Asking for a friend. 😉

  175. The brain is like a computer made of fat cells. It is in charge of keeping us alive via recording, analyzing, and repeating itself. Any repetitive train of thoughts can be harmful, including constantly thinking about a positive experience of the past. This machine never comes up with new ideas. The brain can be fed new ideas but not invent anything new. It is not the source of creativity. It is just a machine. It can be triggered to repeat any thought obsesively, like a stuck record player. You wouldn’t want to be controlled by a machine. What we are after is simply stopping the machine when it gets stuck, no matter what music it plays. There are many ways. First, you have to exclude the possibility that the negativity is not a bias, but realistic. Many people are thinking right now about the approach of hurrican Irma in Florida. But, if your brain is stuck on a past negative experience, just say: oh, my tape recorder is stuck again, and roll your eyes a few times. It is impossible to stay fixed on a thought when you roll your eyes. This simple trick is bound to break the train of thoughts immediately. Next, take a pause and divert yourself briefly by engaging in some activity that isn’t related to your fear. That’s it.

  176. Gloria Eagle

    You roll your eyes in a circle. I feel comfortable rolling my eyes clockwise.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Hi Gloria, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. The brain is indeed an intricate and powerful mechanism for allowing us to either move forward or remain stuck, and there are so many schools of thought about this concept.

      We’re glad that you shared these steps, and that you contributed to our colorful discussion. I especially like the concept that ‘it is impossible to stay fixed on a thought when you roll your eyes.’ We’ll definitely be trying that!

    • Megan R.

      Wow…it totally works! Thanks for sharing, Gloria!

  177. ErinS

    I didn’t make it through the massive amount of comments, but I’ve started to use the focus wheel method introduced by abrahamhicks to combat negativity. It’s kind of based in the idea that success builds on success so for wherever you are there is always a better thought you can reach to. Usually with “positive thinking” at least in my experience it’s like trying to sell yourself on a bunch of stuff that sounds nice but that you really don’t believe. This method is gradual, starting with that feels good right now. For instance with money, one spot of the focus wheel might be “I really like the feeling of abundance”and the next “I enjoy having money to save, ingest, grow and share” and building the momentum of positive thought from there.

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      We love being reminded of Abraham Hicks’s methods, so thank you for sharing the focus wheel with us here! Yes, a gradual build of positive thoughts is powerful and can help change your mood tremendously. We’re wishing you success with this method, and a beautiful, positive week ahead.

  178. When I feel negative I do the “Gratitude” dance which is on you tube. It quickly shifts. I also read Dr David Hamilton’s books like “Kindness is good for you” he give loads of helpful suggestions too. hugs

  179. Megan R.

    This episode was pretty on point for me. One thing I’ve been doing lately to combat the negative feedback (because my internal clients can often be a large bag of angry, uncrackable nuts) is my very own version of your “20-second rule”. When positive feedback is received, I pause, close my eyes, and let it truly sink in while forcing myself to smile. This is then followed by 10-30 seconds (depending on how good it was) of fabulous chair dancing. These steps are finalized with a quick run to bathroom to look into my own eyes in the mirror and say, “Girrrrl…You nailed that…sh– err… stuff!”

  180. Thank you; this came just in time. It just been one negative thought after another. Will start as of now to take your advice. Another thing I just love your set. I sell on ETSY and EBAY and need to set up a better background for my items.

  181. James

    Marie,

    Thanks for the show. Not sure how well this applies, but I’ve been married for 32+ years. For perspective note my wife is a physics teacher (read… a little OCD) and I am a Marine Veteran fliberty jibbit with ADD. We have, at times, gotten on each others nerves and sometimes made each other pretty mad.

    Since the beginning of my marriage I’ve found that when I’m most frustrated/angry/hurt with my wife I can always turn to my phone for recalibration. Back in the day it was a Walkman, but regardless of the technology I’ve always kept a playlist or mix tape of songs that remind me of all the good moments of our life and love with songs ranging from Alicia Keys to the Pogues. This brings my mind, additude and presence back to where I need to be to be an effective husband to the woman I love so dearly.

    Years ago I found that the same works for me when I’m working. I’ve found that there are songs that regardless of what the circumstances are will trigger memories of better things, better times and successful moments. This has alwas been a great recalibration tool for me and my teams. And helps me be a good leader, continue to provide vision when in a fog and listen even when I feel like I’ve taken a swift kick and would rather just curl up. I’ve also found that it’s always been beneficial to have a good song before going into an important meeting or presentation. Being sports junkies, my wife and I call this my “At Bat” song (i.e. the song that plays when a player comes to bat) and it calms my nerves and clears my head for the task at hand.

    Thanks for all you do.

    James

    • Resi

      James, I love this.
      Music (nature too for some ) can be soooooo effective ….

  182. Resi

    I love the new research re: negativity bias. Thanks for highlighting this Marie!
    For too long we have reacted to our thoughts & feelings, without understanding the reasons WHY!

    I remember when I first heard of this, that my immediate reaction was that we ‘homo sapiens’ have descended from a “bunch of pessimists!” 😀 lol
    The next thought was ‘my negativity bias sure kicked in!

    As always your shows are useful, informative & helpful. 🙂

  183. I had to battle thoughts that made me very angry, I learned I was addicted to anger, Dr. Joe Dispenza writes about the chemical produced by the brain for every emotion and how our body gets addicted. So first I realized when I was having the thoughts, because basically, I was very angry, even when I was folding the clothes! Your body doesn’t know if it’s happening in the moment or if it happened 10 years ago. So to break the chain I did these things, 1) Jumping jacks! yes, its so funny I just had to shake myself out of it 2) wash my face and look in the mirror and say “It’s ok, you can stop thinking about that now. 3) go hug my dogs, animals are energy balancers, hard to be mad with their unconditional love.
    Eventually, my body became accustomed to not being mad all the time and I hardly have those old angering thoughts.

  184. DP

    interesting read and discussion..I think, what you consider as a positive thought is also very important. thoughts that are reality but not dreamy! finding a root for having negative thoughts is essential too. just sharing my two cents 🙂

    • Resi

      DP,
      It is as you say. possitive thoughts are VERY important.
      I used to follow a thread re: negativity bias – it was the first time that I heard of it!

      Although negative emotions are so strong & ‘cyclical,’ and posirive ones are very subtle by contrast, it is the postive emotions that are more sustainable in the long term.

      The ‘trick’ is to use what the resources ( like Marie TV !! 🙂 ) advise, LONG enough to get past the adversity.!

      Very much a work in progress for me (but only because I have had consisitently occuring ‘life events’ show up, hampering my progress a bit ( but getting there slowly but getting there – ha! )

  185. thank you for what you shared today. it’s so great that we are all learning more about how our brains work and how to match up experiences that support the “hard-wiring” of being more positive and happy. i have begun to text myself every time something good happens in my life. i describe what happened and how grateful i am. i then send the texts to myself and read them later. there is just a stockpile there of things to remind me that the Universe really does have my back and that all will be well. it’s amazing how this changes everything – living life more in a state of gratitude. thank you Marie for all you do. i love your work. you inspire me on a regular basis! xoxo

    • Resi

      Kathy Y.
      Ive begun to do something similar. I write my +ve experiences in a small book evertime soemthing good happens. I like purple & pink pens so I use those.

      The new research suggests that it takes as many as 3-4 positive experiences (!) 😮 to ‘neutralize’ the negative ones (hope I didnt repeat info re above posts). Given this reality, its great practice!!! 🙂

  186. Thank you for the tips, Marie!

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      We’re so glad you enjoyed this episode, Nicoleta. Thanks for tuning in!

  187. Thanks for Information about Internet Marketing. Your Article is impressive and very informative. I am now regular visitor of your website and bookmarked it.

  188. I love lizards, but I don’t like my lizard brain, blah! I must be set and ready to live in the wild because those tiny, small, stupid negative things can really get stuck in the foreground of your mind, even when you try to blow them off. I’ve worked really hard to defuse the negative thoughts for years but it is hard. What works best for me is to talk it out, write it out, dance around and go for a walk in…well, nature if that isn’t a kick in the pants. Walking in nature, smelling flowers, looking at birds, turtles, and rabbits doing their thing grounds me. It usually makes me realize that the “negative” thing is not really important and most of the time they are first world problems, not life or death. Great video and question. Thank you. 🙂

  189. I like talking to myself out loud or going to my journal and writing out my thoughts. There, I also try and draw out a plan to shift my focus. This is akin to the ABCDE principle brought forward by Dr. Seligman – Adversity, Belief, Consequence, DISPUTATION and ENERGIZATION. Very powerful stuff indeed. Thanks so much for sharing this great and entertaining video as well! The visuals are always SOOOO great!

  190. Hi all!
    Negativity bias enters my brain every day! Just checking email is an opportunity to feel rejected or supported, depending on what I choose to focus on. One of the things that helps me is to ask if there is anything I need to do about the negative things? Like send an email requesting more clarity or information about something that strikes me as negative so I don’t jump to conclusions and suffer needlessly. Many perceived slights were never intended and can be straightened out with a bit of self-assertive action. And when I get a positive message, call, or opportunity, it helps to linger with it a while, to savor how good it feels. I appreciate that Marie, Rick Hanson, and many others are translating the latest exciting brain research into language and examples that anyone can benefit from in daily life. Yay, Marie, this was a great segment!

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      That’s such a great tip, Beverly! I can see how getting more information and clarity can be helpful. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. 🙂

  191. Excellent as ever Marie (and team)!
    Have suffered from negativity bias myself and still get flares when we get bad feedback, but I have conditioned myself over time to realise just what you say about the negativity being more of an indication of the other person’s investment in just being an a-hat. There’s always a message in there, a silver lining, and you have to think ‘maybe I did something wrong’ and learn from it. If there isn’t, and as a famous meme said, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’.
    To quote from James Altucher who quoted Tucker Max in a letter to him on this very topic: “Please don’t let the cowardly commentary from the ignorant sheep and trolls get you down. I hate to sound like a weirdo Buddhist, but the only things that really matter in this world are the relationships you have with the people you love, and the meaningful things that you do. Haters don’t fit anywhere into that. Don’t devote any mental space to them.” Having adopted this mental process I can say it helps deal with the external negativity and keep it external.

  192. I, myself, am an overthinker. I analyze every little thing to the maximum capability (and then some!!!), ESPECIALLY THE NEGATIVE. So I started talking to someone, and she told me that when moments like these arise, to take a deep breath, and in my head, picture I am hosting a dinner. Then, recognize what exact emotion I am experiencing, whether anger, disappointment, hostility, etc., and set them a place at said table. Acknowledge their presence, even welcome them, because before you know it, they’ll be gone. They will have only “stayed for dinner”. I found, after time, that I would “set a place” for whatever emotion was coming, and they wouldn’t even show up. I had already acknowledged their existence and accepted that it was okay to feel them, and that became enough.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      That’s a pretty amazing a-ha moment around emotions, Shelby! Here’s to hosting amazing dinners where the positive emotions show up in force. xo

    • resi

      I love this analogy1 It takes away the threat of permanence. I will try this, thanks for sharing.

  193. I noticed myself starting to focus on my negative and self-destructive thoughts, so I went to Marie’s youtube page to distract myself from these thoughts. I did the right thing woo foo! Now I’m back to my project. Thank you always. and wishing you the best who come to Marie’s blog!

  194. I use flower essences. The Bach flower remedies. They are amazing. They go way beyond just making me more positive. Their are 38 in the Bach system, one for every major state we experience. There’s one for indecision, another for worry, one for anxiety, another for fatigue. They are energy medicine. I also use the Shambhala Healing Tools. Now *they* are next level. And I do gratitude journaling…also very helpful.

  195. I also read now and then about problems and places where life is much harder… like the favelas of Brazil. This keeps me aware and grateful for what I have…it really works. First world problems are rarely truly serious.

    • Heather- Team Forleo

      It sounds like you have found some remarkable tools that work for you, Donovan. We appreciate you sharing them here as they may help someone else who reads your words. Thank you.

  196. Linda

    Hi Maria, thanks for this episode!! Have to say, I didn’t relate the negativity bias to our stone age survival skills until now…. and it makes sense too.
    I have been using the distraction method… going out for a short jog and the fresh air help to clear the mind. But for me, it’s temporarily. With your tips, I will try the other steps too. Thanks!!

    • Jillian - Team Forleo

      Linda,

      What a shift you’re making! You’re up-leveling from putting a band aid on the wound to diving in and addressing the root cause. We hope these tips help you work through negativity bias for the long term!

  197. This is one of the most important topics you could cover. This natural tendency of humans contributes to massive loss for humanity. Taking back any percentage will account for amazing upleveling for us all. I’m taking this one to heart. Thank you!

  198. Amazing article thanks or sharing..

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