You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.read more
And we’re rolling?
Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be, to create a business and life you love. Today I want to talk to you about a rarely used technique that’ll make you more powerful, more persuasive, and more charismatic. In three seconds flat. No, I’m serious. It really works. Now, this is cumulative, meaning you have to turn this into a habit to really get all the results I promised. And a bit of a warning. What I’m about to tell you to do is terrifying and most of us spend our entire lives trying to avoid it, but like a pap smear, its over fast and it really works. I just did it. Did you catch it? If not, and you missed it. Here it goes again.
That was a live demonstration of the three second IAP, the Intentional Awkward Pause.
Oh, my God this is so awkward.
Now, why on God’s green earth would you ever want to do that? I’ll tell you, because being a really, really good listener is one of the most underrated secrets to success. It’s crucial if you want to be more charismatic, more persuasive, and a better negotiator. Plus really listening to someone and having them feel truly heard is one of the biggest gifts you could ever give. As Larry King says, “And yes, it’s a tweetable.”
“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” The problem is most of us suck at listening and we don’t even know it. We’re always interrupting others with our brilliant ideas and our feedback. And most often it’s the way…
Oh, my God, that is so true. I’m always interrupting people.
As I was saying, it’s often the way that we suck the most. Now, I’m probably one of the worst offenders out there, but I am consistently working on this and I have to say the IAP is a lifesaver. Not so long ago, I used it with my step-son, Zane, and had an unbelievable result. Zane was home on Christmas break from college, and he invited me to go for cappuccinos. Though a little backstory here, in the 10 years plus that we’ve been in each other’s lives. He had never really asked me for life advice.
We get to this place Cafe Minerva, and we’re hanging out. Zane starts to tell me all about his life and what he might want to do with it. He’s very, very involved with music. He’s involved in acting and all these creative things. Basically, he’s asking me for the kind of advice that I give for a living. So you could imagine every single part of me just wanted to jump in and tell him what to do and tell them what I think and yada, yada, yada. But I practiced the IAP and I just sat there and I zipped it. Now every time I did this and I just shut up, it was amazing because he would just reveal more and more insights. He’d find new things to talk about. He’d find his own insights that were way better than anything I could have told him. It was really, really amazing.
Now, I have to be honest, my body was literally uncomfortable being silent. Every time he would come to an end of a sentence, I would sit and see if there was more. It was absolutely awesome. By the end of three hours, we had the most beautiful conversation and we left that cafe feeling more connected and more intimate than I think we’ve ever felt. So just a little story to show that it really, really works.
We also use this all the time on my team, and once again, I am probably the worst offender, but Tana is the master. She’s actually one that brought it to us and she’s the one that keeps us in line. So you can definitely use this in the workplace, too.
Now, I want to turn this all back to you two part challenge this week. Number one, what is your worst listening habit? Do you always interrupt people? Are you constantly thinking about what you’re going to say next or do you do something called fake listening? Particularly happens on the phone when you’re supposedly listening to someone, but you’re really doing email instead. Here’s the thing, we all have bad habits, but once you identify, you can rectify.
Can I get an amen?
Yes, yes. Number two, I want you to tell me in the comments below, where is the most impactful place that you can start using the IAP today? Is it with your family? Is it with your work environment? Leave a comment below and let me know.
As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over @marieforleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now. Did you like this video? I did. If you did, subscribe and share it with your friends. If you want even more resources to create a business in life that you love plus some insights from me that I only talk about an email, get those buns over to Marieforleo.com and sign up for email updates.
Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time on Marie TV.
B-school is coming up. Want in? For more info and free training, go to joinbschool.com.
I will Zou, Zout. Look at my tiger ring. It’s a Jaguar. I just did it. You know what I’m talking about? Think of something else to complain about.
What? It’s the truth.