Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

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I’m still buzzing from the music high of seeing Lady Gaga in concert this weekend at the Staples Center.

Yup. I wore a blonde wig, a cape and some funkytown glasses!

Whether you’re into Gaga or not, she’s an amazing performer. Her dancers are beyond (smokin’ hot, diverse in shape and color, talented, committed, expressive, unique) and she leaves it all on the floor, without apologies.

That type of grit and bold self-expression is incredible to witness.

One of the most inspiring moments of the night was when she paused on stage and said, “Five years ago I was still waiting tables in New York City. Don’t ever give up on your dreams.”

Beautiful, right?

And with that, let’s roll into this week’s new episode of MarieTV.

Have you ever said something stupid; something you wish you could take back?

An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything. - Lynn Johnston Click To Tweet

Stress can turn us all into “little monsters” (ha ha) who say some nasty things we later regret.

But is it possible to prevent those “foot in mouth” moments from happening in the first place? And if the damage has been done, what’s the best way to clean it up?

Watch this week’s episode to learn a simple, but effective practice to stop stupid things from flying out of your mouth, no matter what’s going on.

And for those times you just can’t stop yourself, use my word-for-word scripts to undo the damage in a straightforward, honest way.

Now unless you’re from another planet, I know you’ve had your own “foot in mouth” moments in life.

What happened and how did you undo the damage?

Relationships are the cornerstone of success in business and life so share your best advice in the comments below.

Your story could help heal a marriage, reconcile a mother and daughter, or simply help someone regain their dignity and confidence after making a misstep in business.

As always, thank you so much for reading, watching and sharing your genius.

I’m so grateful to have you in my life!

With love,

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178 comments

  1. Nice scripts Marie 🙂

    More often than not we can think that what was said was a million times worse than it actually was in reality so ensuring your follow up call or email is sassy and with it is all you need!

    Drawing attention to something that someone might have not even really noticed could make you look crazieeeer!

    • I think it does if you feel like you have to do that all the time. I had a friend who was just so insecure that almost everytime we met someone knew, he asked “I dunno, was I ____?” It was annoying. (Granted, he did have depression issues… as I mention in my own comment, I think its something to watch out for if you know you have imbalances) But if you did something that made you think “Wait, wow did I say that? That was kind of rude/didn’t mean to do that…” then I think people appreciate that you care. Also, even if the person says “No, its no problem” <– that doesn't mean that there WASN'T a problem. It could mean that they are glad you apologized and since you did the right thing by apologizing, they want to take the pressure off of you.

      • So true Udo – people do not always tell the truth. So even a, “No worries” response from a friend might not clear the issue completely.

        If a friend keeps having these diarrhea-of-the-mouth moments with me, I actually risk my comfort level and speak up. I care about that person and want them to succeed. And if I don’t speak up, there is no way I will be able to continue hanging around them – which makes things even harder.

        Bringing it up is really important, and speaking from kindness is the way to go. Think about how you’d like someone to talk to you about the same thing.

      • Dee

        This is so true sometimes I feel like the worse person on earth because of my inability to control my mouth. I tried to keep silent but eventually I would stalk and whenever I opened my mouth I felt like I messing things up and after DAT I feel guilty like I’m worse person in the world and da most deceiving hypocrite. I tell you DAT no worse feelin compare to what I feel. But I know that the heart heals with just a little bit of time love and tenderness . God bless

    • Ameenah, great point – but if you’re freaking out that much, sometimes you can just apologize, get it over with and move on in mental peace.

      Udo, depression issues definitely can make someone second guess themselves.

    • Hi everyone,
      great Q&A Tuesday.
      I must say 24hrs is a long time to zip it.
      I have learned that there are ways to use our body as a pre-warning system for anger and frustration.

      A little bit like seismic monitoring for earth quakes, you can study your stress symptoms. Human beings react under pressure and they tend to react in a similar pattern every time. It’s a pattern we learned in childhood, when it seemed a good survival strategy for us and depending on who we are it can be a little like fight, flight, freeze or try to influence and make your attacker like you.

      What all of them have in common is that when we are in our patterned stress behaviour we tend to have a tunnel view , we tend to tense up and our mind is focussed on establishing security and control for ourself – big ego moment. From that place saying something stupid is almost predestined.
      Now, here is the thing, our mind and body interact. Just like our body tenses up when our mind is stressed, when we start to relax our body our mind will calm down too.
      Taking a deep breath and sitting up can sometimes already create a shift in your emotional state. Taking three deep breaths that lengthen your spine when breathing in and soften your front and open your heart when breathing out will take the heat out of the situation.
      As a next step you can open up your tunnel view by becoming aware of your environment of the space around you (to your left, right, front and behind you), above you and below you, connect to it, include any furniture any people that might have caused your stress and finally relax into this space you’ve opened up. Release your clenched jaw, your balled fists or your tight shoulders. Now you can relate to the person again from a centred place from a place where you are better able to understand your own reaction and emotion and at the same time empathise with the person in front of you.
      This little exercise can be a matter of seconds and can be used to fight the fire of a difficult conversation, but also as a preventative measure. Centre before your difficult conversation and find out what is possible when you show up fully present and able to connect to the other person.
      This work takes practice. The more you practice your centring muscle the easier you will find using your body as your seismic tracker and pathway out of goofiness.
      Hope this is valuable to some in this community. As a certified co-active coach I explore the question of how embodiment work can serve the coach and the client and pass on this knowledge in an online community (https://www.facebook.com/somaticsincoaching) as well as in practical workshops for coaches new to their body.
      Lots of love,
      Laura

  2. Hi Marie,

    Thanks for the great advice. Yes, there have been times when I’ve only opened my mouth to change feet…

    Just one question: What do you do if the person doesn’t graciously accept your apology?

    There have been one or two occasions where the person I apologized to did NOT say, ‘No worries. I understand. Thanks for your apology’, but have taken it as an opportunity to make me suffer and even insult me.

    Keen for your input.

    Cheers,
    Elly

    • Marie has a video on how to apologize you should check out.
      http://youtu.be/y63J3JnSsZI

      I typically have your situation whenever I am in a situation with my mother. Because I know her, I know that she is insulting me because she doesn’t believe that I will “do what it takes to make it right” (as Marie mentions in the video) and that I cannot build trust. I typically walk away (don’t say anything else), but over the course of time, do what I think I should to “make it right” and ask them at a later time (like when they’ve forgotten about the whole apologize-insult thing) their thoughts or what they need. Not that insulting is ever okay, but if it is someone who is in your life, whether you like it or not, you have to take the high-road, IMO.

      And if they’re not someone who HAS to be in your life, consider walking away and not ever going back.

    • I was wondering the exact same thing. I’ve had one occasion where someone wouldnt let bygones be bygones no matter how much I tried to make ammends. To make things worse, the person holding the grudge ignored all the instances where’s we worked well together and instead fixated on that one moment of craziness.

      I’ve done my best to repaire the relationship but at this point, I’ve had to just let it go. After all it’s up to the other person whether they want to accept the apologies.

      So at this point, I honestly wish them well and if we ever cross paths in person, I’ll be cordial and polite. But aside from that I’ve come to realize that respecting the other person means also respecting their decision not to accept the apology.

    • Mastanee Ati

      Hi we can’t always control other peoples reactions, but we can Learn how to be in peace with it and send them from distance love and light.

      I would suggest to close your eyes and imagine that person in front of you. Telling them the same thing, and imagining them they respond with more care as you wish them too.
      And bring on the a smile on your face and some good breaths..
      in you mind you created a scenario that you can be happy with.. so you can calm down.
      Also they will feel this on a vibrational level.

      Plus just always say an apology because you want to be an example.
      We don’t apologies because we expect anything but because we just want to be the best version of ourselves and to seed love within people.
      In that moment how they respond can come because people are angry or emotional. That’s ok and normal a lot times that happens as well.
      But you feed love seeds and stay committed to that. Some people need more time to calm down…
      I wrote all this quick here , I’m happy to have a chat if you need more guidance/ clarity.
      Love and light,
      Mastanee Ati

  3. Yep. I said something that made me seem crazy-town to my team when I ran a hip hop dance club at school. I immediately apologized, letting them know that I did not mean to take my stress out on them and that something like that would never happen again. Luckily, I don’t particularly have an anger problem or something (who knows? Maybe the person who sent this question may actually have something they should check into?) so I can promise to never have an outburst again to someone and trust in myself to take a breathe, think, and view the situation objective.

    And I’ve had moment where I’m afraid I seem rude to someone I just met. I usually send them a message or find them again and let them know “Hey, the other day, I feel like I left the wrong impression and I’m afraid I offended you. I wanted to let you know what was going on. … and if I did put you off, I really apologize.” They will then respond with “Oh no, don’t worry about it!” or “Thank you for that. I was feeling ____…” <– if they say the latter, then I apologize again (with no 'if' ;D).

    • Udo

      That’s really cool. I know I tend to worry about putting people off a lot. Earlier in my personal brand development, I was told I was a little too close to the edge in how I say things and present myself to people.

      Now I realize that there’s a “curb” I have. When I speak on my personal spaces – like on my websites or in my blogs or in my content on my online property and offline spheres, then I don’t need to censor myself. However, as a guest on someone else’s online space it’s good to respect where I am and the audience I am speaking to.

      Mastery by Robert Greene is an amazing book on mastering yourself and others in general and in social intelligence.

      Thanks for inspiring my response. I’ve usually preferred to lurk here for the longest.

  4. I totally agree that relationships ARE the cornerstone of successful lives and businesses. This is the core of what I teach and coach my clients about.

    Undoing damage from foot in mouth is as simple, I think, as remembering that folks are ultimately after love and respect from the people in their lives. Some people are more “love”, others are more “respect” but coming from this perspective reminds you that they probably just want what you want.

  5. What a great video – there are so many times (luckily so far mainly in my personal life, not in business yet) when I’ve totally goofed – I can’t even begin to list them. I always apologise before I get a chance to stress over it, but my apologies have never been as classy as your scripts – those are now imprinted in my head for future, and inevitable reference.
    Many thanks for some great advice,
    claire

    Ps – LLLLLOOOOVEEEEE your dress!!!

  6. Shay

    While pitching my fitness videos to a large company via email, I called my contact by the wrong name. I immediately apologized and everything went well, but it was still very embarrassing.

  7. This is so super important Marie and I myself have been using the 24 hour rule for years. Apologizing (immediately if you can!) helps prevent so much stress and worry. And it feels so damn good too. For me it’s super important when I feel an outburst coming on (or just experienced one, which is rare) to conscientiously switch to compassion – both for myself and for the target of my frustration. We are ALL doing the best that we can with the tools that we have at any given time. Thanks for addressing such an important topic – I know your scripts will help a lot of people!

    • Thank you Heather. Great comment and I absolutely LOVE your switch, from frustration to compassion. I plan to implement starting immediately.

    • Yes Heather! Frustration to compassion. Beautiful!

  8. I love the advice from the old “spiritual stuff” video of asking what you can do to make it right. That’s huge!

  9. Agreed about apologies… except when you spend your time apologizing to the same persona repeatedly. It gets old! In that case, you need to WORK on that relationship and on what it brings out in you!

  10. Haha that’s amazing! I have the same trick of waiting a moment (hours or more) before to start discussing the problem again.

    That rule also apply to my couple. My fiancé is a more down to earth person, so sometimes, he just don’t get some of my problems. And this is soooooo frustrating because for me, the reason why I’m mad is just logic. This is why I do this: I ZIP IT!!

    Let’s face it: every people react a different way to a same problem or a same situation. So exploding and saying some things that can leave bad marks on your relationship or your reputation is so wrong.

    Zip it. It will also give you the time to think about WHY you’re mad and if it’s really a good reason.

    Good episode Marie!

    You rock, as always,

    Love,

    G.

  11. Hi, Marie:

    I find that humility and honesty are the best ways to deal with this type of challenge. I once found myself in a situation where I saw a professional relationship with a colleague deteriorating and wasn’t exactly sure why. I asked the colleague out for coffee and brought up the recent tension, then asked the person why they thought it was there.

    What I got from the colleague was an honest response about exactly what I’d said that had made them upset and what, in the future, I could do to fix it.

    I didn’t defend myself because the point wasn’t to be right. It was to fix the problem and move on. Since we were able to air out the issue, we were also able to move on with a good working relationship. Confrontation doesn’t always equal a break, especially if the two parties involved confront in the spirit of fixing rather than defending.

    Hope that helps. Thanks for today’s post!

  12. Thanks for addressing this Marie! When I’ve done something from which I’d like to hide, I try hard to go in the other direction and address it directly.

    I own what happened and offer a sincere apology.

    (And not the BS “If I offended you …blah blah” – that’s such a non-taking-ownership thing, isn’t it?? Don’t like that!)

    It’s gone a long way toward helping me grow up, be responsible for my words and actions and allow others to see that they don’t have to try to be perfect. You mess up, you fix it and move on.

    Thanks for the advice!

  13. Another great post Marie, thank you!

  14. Hi Marie….love this. Cooling off is certainly the way to go…avoid foot in mouth when you can. When I was younger I only opened my mouth to change feet!
    I was in a meeting with a gal last Friday that I appreciate and respect. We were coming up with some ideas for our new web series and I got so excited and into the concept that I took WAY more airtime than she did and I am pretty sure I did the worst thing…I interrupted. Yuck!
    As I was driving home on a creative high I began to replay the convo from her point of view. I pulled over and called her. I started with, I may sound like a crazy person but did I just steamroll you? I apologized, explained that I was excited about the material and truthfully told her that I had taken her input and ideas in, and that I value her collaboration in general, not just in that particular meeting. It went well, she confirmed I am loopy (ha!) and seemed genuinely happy I’d called. It was a wake-up call for sure and I will curb the behavior in future. And I will continue to apologize if I may have offended. Thanks so much, Marie!

    • Great story Allyson. Being an expert listener and not interrupting others is one of the BEST skills to cultivate!

  15. Just did this recently. Super stressed over the Christmas holidays. I work freelance for a few companies, in addition to my own business, which was INSANE at that moment.
    Just had handed in a project, and the supervisor asked to see my back-up information. WHAT? You don’t trust that my recommendation is the right one?? WHAT??? I grabbed the phone. I went a little crazy on her. OMG.
    A day or so passed, and I calmed down. I realized that I had sounded like a completely insane insecure crazy person.
    I apologized. Plain and simple. I said, Hey, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry if I went a little off. (A little ??, I went completely ballistic on her). She accepted my apology. PHEW.
    Glad to see that I apparently did the right thing in attempting to smooth it over. Hopefully she won’t always remember my over the top outburst.

  16. Corina

    OOOOoooo K here I go! I was recently hired for a job that required 6 weeks of training… OMG and TEST! Testing is NOT something I do well..The entire class is passing and I’m hung up with 75% on two test…you need an 80 to pass!!!! YIKES…I spoke to the instructor and he advises me to re-test and I am sooooooo STRESSED that I decide I am so far behind on the material at hand – I fold! I can’t do this!!!! I called an left him a message that perhaps I am not capable of doing this job and ask for advise….Crazy, Crazy stress….how do I save my job??????? When I am given the test material my mind spins!!!!

    • Hi Corina. A) stop telling yourself the story that “testing is not something you do well” B) If you really want this job, give a call back and explain (calmly) what happened and how you’re committed to this process and the company. C) Focus and DO it! I have no doubt you can rock it.

  17. I have said something I regret only one time in my life…

    “I do”

    They really should give multiple choice when they ask that question. I panicked!

    I fixed it by running like hell when I came to my senses many MANY years later!

    Lesson learned =-)

    • I did the same thing. Lesson learned and life is good! 🙂

    • Haha, same here, that was a huge lesson and I am really grateful to the person involved for teaching it to me. I am a much better person now.

  18. This is going to happen to us all. Sounds like a great learning experience.

    In those times where it’s happened to me, I ask myself “What can I learn from this?” Most of the time, I learned I wasn’t centered… I was pretty off balance and I wasn’t attending to my own needs.

    When in doubt, I name what happened – it clears my own mind of worry, and lets the other person know I am at least conscious of my behavior even if it’s in hindsight.

    People who get you, and are part of your tribe, will understand these happenings. But even your tribe will get tired of a regularly occurring outburst or blubbery blurb, so it’s such a great time to learn what you can about yourself in these situations!

  19. A slightly bitter pill I learned to take in such instances (but has helped SO much!) is actually a piece of advice from Marianne Williamson.

    In that cool down period, I tell myself:

    “Whatever you think is lacking, is what you are not giving.”

    What am I not giving here? Am I not giving enough patience? clear boundaries? an open mind? enough love? clear communication?

    Then, of course…follow up with an apology that also gives what I had been holding back (ie. more patience or clear boundaries or an open mind or enough love or clear communication, etc.)

    • Tonya

      Wow. I love that. Thanks. As someone who has never read Marianna Williamson (I know, late to the party) any suggestions on what book to start with? TIA.

      • Susan Kuhn

        Fabulous! Thank you.

      • Start With “A Return To Love” – the BEST!

        • Tonya

          Thank you!

  20. I have had mainly positive experiences apologizing in my personal life but have a lot of resistance apologizing in business. I’m going to make it a goal to make a sincere apology if (OK, when) I snap at someone.

  21. A la The Hendricks Institute, one of the best tools I’ve discovered to use in the in conflict or stressful situations (especially if you’re in the middle of one because you forgot to zip it), is to admit what you’re fearful about. So take a deep breath and say, “You know, I’m sorry. Really this boils down to my fear of xyz.” It takes the poison out of heated situations.

    • That is beautiful Tara. “You know, I’m sorry – this really boils down to my fear of X.” awesome!! Thank you SO much for adding to this dialog.

  22. Gina

    Apparently, we Sagittarians can’t help putting our foot in our mouth. I can vouch for the veracity of that rumour! Yes, even now, in my old age.

    When pushed against the wall, I know I should wait before I speak, but in the heat of the moment, I lose control.

    This mostly happens with phone/internet/government Support people so I can’t call back to apologize because I have no idea who I’m speaking to. Perhaps if I asked for the name of the person first, and then started the conversation with “How are you?”… what do you think?

    • Good start Gina! I would also remind yourself that you’re talking to someone who REALLY wants to help you. They are likely also a consumer, also someone with their own hopes, dreams, frustrations. And especially when dealing with support folks, being KIND and courteous to them helps them go the extra mile for YOU.

  23. There has never been a more perfectly timed post than this.

    Last night, I canceled a lunch date and claimed that “things clearly are not working out for me” here in LA.

    Then again, less than a year and a half ago — 15 months actually — I was still bar tending and waiting tables back in NYC wondering when it’d be a good time to go to california & pursue my dreams.

    Luckily, i was crazy enough to have just sold everything and gotten in the car. I drove to LA in September 2011. It’s been tough but I’m still here. and It’s too fucking early to quit. (always).

    *i bet it’s also not coincidental that i apologized big time to someone i care about after lashing out at them in the midst of this self-doubt session. the apology helped me start turning the corner and this post (particularly the waiting tables part, for whatever reason).

    I am light years closer than just 15 months ago. I have struggled so much to get here. And I’m not ready to be done yet.

    thank you. love you. you’re the best.

  24. Grace

    I think it is also important to remember that one is apologizing because it is the right thing to do for one’s self. Not everyone is necessarily going to a accept your apology. Some do, and others do not. But, at least I can live with myself knowing I did the right thing by apologizing. And, part of an apology should also involve a comment that this is not going to happen like this again if this is something that happens often.

  25. YES, just 2 days ago! I sat up about 12 hours later and thought, Ewww, I should edited that email. So, without even seeing your video, I sent a second email and apologized for inappropriately venting and acknowledged how that could have been off-putting AND unintentionally portraying an innocent bystander in a bad light. Phew! So glad to know I was on the right track. Thanks for the follow-up video so soon after my recent foot-in-mouth incident.

  26. Kathie

    Consider that an apology, just like forgiveness is something you do for yourself too. While it’s important to apologize when we’ve done something that leaves a bad memory or poor impression of who we really are, it’s also important for us to apologize to get the whole situation out of our head and change the thinking around it to something positive for ourselves. I always feel good about myself when I apologize and it eases the situation for all parties concerned. Apologies are always a good move whether they are accepted or not. Done and done.

  27. Marie – this is an awesome topic. Loved it. 🙂 I have to say….this immediately brought to mind a HUGE flub up I made about 3 years ago that I’ve never addressed publicly because in this particular situation, it was pretty impossible to do. Maybe anyone out there with a business online can relate.

    I submitted a question (not for Marie TV) to an entrepreneur coaching-type site when I was just dipping my toes into the online business thing – and at the time, I was taking in a LOT of information, trying to sort through what being in business for myself even meant, and what it required. Needless to say, the question I asked was very elementary and embarrassing for me later – I would NEVER ask that question today.

    I love how you do Q & A’s because you only use first names. I think that is wonderful and so appropriate when people are going out on a limb to put themselves out there to ask things they may be uncomfortable asking.

    The particular area I submitted to used my first and last name and published the city & state I live in. There’s no telling how many peeps get those emails and especially women entrepreneurs. I was devastated when they re-published my question last year. My heart sank when I saw it. I hadn’t given them permission to re-publish that, but then again, I had submitted it and it was their property.

    At that point, the only thing I knew to do was write in and request that the question be permanently removed from their database and not included again in their newsletters.

    I no longer receive those emails, because I had to let it go – I had to realize what had been done had been done, and anyone with a mature outlook on life would come to understand, as they observed me, my heart, and the work I do, that it was an immature, not well thought-out moment.

    So, for anyone this has also happened to (which as I said, I’m glad we don’t have to worry with on Marie TV), do what you can to get it fixed, then you just have to let it go. Let your voice and values you have NOW in your business speak for you in the utmost. Anyone who does business online can easily see your heart and the work you do – let that speak for you when you’ve done something for which you can’t apologize on a grand scale.

    • Tamisha,
      I’ve made SO many mistakes online, like copying in everyone’s name twice into my first email newsletter. Way to show the personal touch!

      Sometimes showing how far you’ve come can be a great relationship-builder. How many of your potential clients could relate to you now writing ‘OMG, not only was my question dumb, it was so dumb, they wrote a newsletter about it, so don’t tell me that YOUR question is dumb, I know dumb!’ Our mistakes are someone else’s permission to be human too.

      • Tamisha

        Thanks for that, Elissa. 🙂

    • Ngoc Khong

      Thank you Tamisha. As a new-comer in this online business world I find your advice very helpful. I’ll apply this into practice. 🙂

      • Tamisha

        That’s wonderful, Ngoc. So glad it was helpful.

  28. Love the 24 hour rule. I practice that one myself.
    I try to take the emotion out of my response too, even if I’m apologizing.
    It’s always helpful, I find, to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and acknowledge how you imagine they might be feeling. That kind of “witnessing” can go a long way.

  29. I wait 24 hours also. It is so incredibly helpful. Even when you try to reign it in, it’s still going to creep out. So give yourself time to cool off.

    One thing I do for customer service is write templates to the really annoying FAQs. You know, the ones that annoy the shit out of you and piss you off EVERY TIME. I write a response template when I’m in a really good mood, and definitely not when I have an actual annoying email to respond to. Then when I do get a crap one, I’ve already got a cheerful, helpful response written that I can just copy/paste.

  30. Have I ever put my foot in my mouth! I don’t do it often but when I do, I tend to get that foot jammed in there pretty good.

    I agree, there is never a situation where an apology for bad behavior isn’t warranted and won’t at least help somewhat. There are some bells that just can’t be unrung. I remember, in my last year of teaching in the classroom I was having not just a bad day or bad week but a godawful year. There were so many personal dynamics that I just didn’t know how to address. I felt insecure, attacked and out of my league. So, when, at the end of a school day, I was trying to address a behavior issue with a student with whom I had a good rapport and she turned her back and walked out on me I felt slammed and dissed. I muttered under my breath, don’t walk away from me like a b…. . And I knew, even though I spoke soto voce, that she’d heard. I felt awful! I called my super, told him what I’d done, and then called the mother and told her what I done, apologized to her, apologized to the student, apologized to the school and anyone else who might have been involved. We did eventually recover a working relationship but there was never the same level of trust.

    I couldn’t agree more. Take 24 hours to evaluate things and calm down. I know that I could have addressed the student’s behavior and maintained rapport, if I could have zipped it right then and talked to her later.

    Was the student’s behavior rude and demeaning to me? Yes. Was I in a raw and vulnerable place? Yes. Still doesn’t warrant the same kind of behavior from me.

    In addition to apologizing to the student et. al. I apologized and forgave myself. It took some time because I was embarrassed, I knew the students were all gossiping about it, but forgiving myself for being a jackass allowed me to move on and seek out better ways to deal with challenging behavior.

    • Beth, thank you for being so open and honest here. We’ve all done things that we regret and compassion (for ourselves and others) is so important to keep at the forefront.

  31. In regard to saying something that “sounds insecure”. I know that I used to come off as really shy, not necessarily because I was shy but because I was OVER censoring myself due to what I thought someone else might think. Trying not to offend, seem too opinionated, be too overbearing and I was backpedalling myself into oblivion.
    I am working on the “May Cause Miracles” book and the one thing that it brings up is that thinking a thought is where you want to start to clean up. If I’m thinking someone will have a bad impression of me I’m being insecure and it may come out in something I say. This maybe the general impression I’m giving or a direct statement I’ve made. Thinking that a person has love for what I do as I will for them is a better thought to have so I now believe that it is a matter of re-framing perspectives.
    This is a lot of more time consuming than an apology or repair afterward but I’m hoping it will have far reaching results for me.

  32. Sometimes if you’ve got something that you didn’t apologize for and a lot of time has gone by, you can apologize energetically too. So you can do the Hawaiian “Ho Oponopono”, where you basically send love, apologize, thank, and forgive the person.

    If you feel like you need a little help in apologizing in person, this can help make it a much smoother and less attached process! 🙂

  33. Thanks Marie,
    A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my friend/colleague and was watching myself be a total poopyhead when she wanted change her plans to come for a visit.

    As soon as I noticed I called myself out on it, in the middle of the reaction. “I don’t know why I’m being such a poopyhead, I’m sorry. I guess maybe I miss you and was looking forward to seeing you, but that’s no excuse for being a jerk.”

    What I noticed was that being transparent about it not only completely shifted the tone of the conversation, but it make some space for compassion, most importantly compassion for myself.

    Thanks for the 24 hour rule. Golden!

    ox
    Cecilia

  34. I think the thing we have to remember in these situations is that 1) we’re all human and thus, we screw up. Also 2) beating yourself up about it serves no purpose but to waste your time and stress you out. And finally 3) when in doubt, apologize. Most likely, if you feel bad about it, you probably came off just like you think you did. And even if you didn’t, the fact that you’re willing to be the proverbial bigger person and right your wrong makes you the kind that most people will WANT to work with. I think most people are very understanding in these situations. Who HASN’T done this, right?

  35. Shannon

    I live and die by the 24-hour rule, both personally and professionally. It’s amazing how many things seem like deal-breakers in the moment but loose their sting after you’ve put some distance between yourself and the incident. Another plus: If you *do* decide to confront the person after 24 hours, you know you’re doing the right thing, and your approach will be much more controlled and likely to succeed.

    • Totally agree on that deal-breaker part Shannon! It’s amazing how things can seem “awful” one day, and completely change the next. The situation doesn’t change – just YOU 😉

  36. Zip it, zip it… Love it! I always say, just sleep on it even if it happened first thing in the morning. Really, I like to use–> just walk it, coffee it, dance it, moan-to-a-friend, bitch on FB (quietly;) about it kinda approach.

    Some one asked about not accepting the apology. Well, if they don’t, you know that you’ve got different paths to follow but at least you’ve done a decent thing by apologising and now you can sleep happily at night.

    Now I’m gonna go dinner it all out;)

  37. Susan Kuhn

    I once submitted a what was terrible piece of work as my first writing gig many years ago. The customer was livid. I apologized, listened to (and wrote down) everything he said and asked for an opportunity to resubmit. My redo hit the mark. I went on to do other projects with him.

  38. Simone

    As ever Marie you hit the nail on the head with sass and humour. Its so true to give yourself space before responding rather than reacting. Thanks for the reminder! keep doing what you do Marie thank you.

  39. How about hitting the reply button with a rant while what you really wanted to do is forward to your friend?!
    OUPS!
    TOO LATE!
    LOL

  40. There was a situation with a former client once where she had given me all kinds of hell and I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I let her have it in a less-than-nice way. That only made matters worse, and she took to the interwebs to talk about her dissatisfaction.

    So I went back and said I was sorry – because I truly was. Her behavior was uncalled for, but my reaction was even less appropriate for a so-called “professional”. We cleared the air, set new boundaries and decided to part company amicably.

    Later, I found out from a new client that she went back to every place online where she had bad-mouthed me and posted a follow-up apology. She even recommended me to others for my honesty. That client had read her post and decided to hire me for “being real”.

    • Wow Lisa! Amazing story- thank you so much for sharing it here and yes, being so real. I appreciate you!

  41. I use this one word …. WAIT or

    What
    Am
    I
    Thinking

    I take time to determine what is causing me to feel as I do.

    A favorite #BOBBism from my BOBBblog is, “Treat the cause not the symptoms, once the cause is removed the symptoms disappear.”

    And, maybe the cause has nothing to do with what was said.
    And, maybe I will learn something about myself that was hidden.

    And, now that I know …. It no longer has POWER over me.
    .

  42. Excellent episode, I think that most of us have this same problem. I will definitely follow these rules. I am sure this can make a huge difference. Thanks Marie!

  43. Eve

    Love it! We all make mistakes. The goals is NOT to never make a mistake, but to manage the aftermath like an adult, with grace and integrity.

  44. I love you Marie! You crack me up. My cat even loves you, she watches your videos with me. I wonder what is going on in her little kitty brain?

    • Thanks Rona! I seem to have that effect on cats, pups, and some small children 🙂

  45. In my first Office Manager role for a small business, my boss wanted me to start a newsletter. I had never done this before and had no experience so we used good ol’ Gmail. Well, I didn’t know about BCC, so I sent the beautiful, painstakingly-constructed email out to EVERYONE on our list with all their emails listed for the world to see! The kicker was I even put a little note on the bottom of the email about respecting their privacy and not sharing personal information. We immediately got back client responses, some constructive and some not-so-much, to put it lightly. I was mortified!

    My boss was super supportive and had me send out a follow-up email the next day (after showing me BCC!) explaining how we were learning while growing the business, apologizing for the error and promising that we now knew the correct way and thanking our clients for pointing out the error so we could get it corrected as soon as possible. Whew!

    Needless to say, lesson learned and I looked into email marketing services that day! What meant the most to me was the support I received and the ability for my boss to say “no problem” with something that affected her own business. It has taught me to be less afraid to make mistakes and to keep on moving forward when you do. A little apology can sure go a long way!

  46. Apologies are definitely GLUE! It should be one of the easiest things we do, not the hardest. The 24 hour rule is a great thing when you’re steaming. But apologizing as quickly as possible when you wake up to your own dumbness is definitely the way to stay in the energy of love.

    Thanks for all you do Marie,
    Mary

  47. Joyce Lyndley

    I think this works 100% To clarify communication if you feel you have may have given a wrong message is essential.

  48. If only I had seen this video last night before I said some things I immediately regretted. I could have avoided a major argument with my totally awesome husband.

    Take away: 24 hours of cooling out before wigging out.

  49. I love the tip about the 24 hour rule! I’m a teeny bit over sensitive and can take things to heart more than I should. This has lead me to say some things I wish I hadn’t in the heat of the moment, instead of taking the time to calm down and see things from both points of view. Sometimes we get so caught up in defending ourselves that we forget there are two sides to every argument…

    My only other advice would be to avoid using email to communicate in tricky situations! The tone of an email can so easily be taken the wrong way, and in a conflict, email makes it really tempting to say something your would never have the guts to say to someone’s face. (Not to mention the countless stories I’ve heard of emails mistakenly getting sent to the wrong person… but that’s a whole other episode!)

    Marie, thanks for the great advice as always,
    Emma x

    • Oh yeah Emma! That email thing is a BIGGIE. Both sending to the wrong person and remembering how much better some conversations are in person vs. email.

  50. Jennifer Giuffre-Donohue

    Love this! We all make mistakes from time to time…If I know I’m wrong I feel better if I put it all out on the table & just say hey I’m really sorry for saying (whatever it was). If the person doesn’t accept your apology then that’s their issue. If you were sincere, you should be proud of yourself for apologizing and you can’t worry if the other person isn’t in a place to accept it.

  51. Read this quote the other day. Re: not responding right away if you’re feeling frustrated…

    “The easiest way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.”
    — Anonymous

    Thanks Marie and all for continuing to address important life topics in such a genuine, honest way.

  52. Amy

    I always write an angry email (not to send). Draft it. Wait. Rewrite the email. Draft it and maybe send it.
    I had a boss that for last five years would say things that would drive me bonkers but I knew she always meant well. Waiting before I responded to anything is a great tool to keep my responses not emotionally driven.
    Cheers!

  53. Adriana

    Hi marie! thanks so much for your advise. I love your outfits! and your skin is looking gorgeous is glowing !

  54. Lou Ann

    Here’s what I do. I say “I owe you an apology for yesterday. I was stressed and frustrated and did not handle things well. I’m sorry. I appreciate you for all you do here.” Then I let it go and realize we are all just doing the best we can.
    Thanks, Lou Ann

  55. Marie, I love the 24-hour rule. I’m implementing that into my life IMMEDIATELY! That’s great preventive medicine. Thanks, Dr. Forleo. 😉

  56. As parents we can slip up with how we talk to our children. How many parents have had an outburst when the kids are being loud and messy and not listening ?
    We all slip up some tones but it is so important to fix it with your children as they remember EVERY bad thing. Always go back and apologise fir raising your voice. Then is you do need to pull them up on something use the sandwich approach. Begin with a positive comment then give your constructive advice and then end with another positive .
    It really works 🙂

  57. I think that although apology can fix almost anything, the times when it does not really work is when the person is not really sincere (or is perceived not to be sincere).
    Look at Lance Armstrong. He can keep apologizing till the end of time, but until he actually makes his actions congruent with his words it means absolutely nothing.
    If you keep doing something that requires you to apologize again and again, you need to work on yourself. You have a character trait which makes your apologies worthless.

  58. I had a situation like this with a business acquaintance who I admired quite a bit. I was shocked that I got caught saying something I shouldn’t have in the first place and so I took a really defensive position, which only escalated a tense situation. I was never intending to offend her, but I did because I said something aloud that should’ve stayed in my head.

    When I did apologize (after arguing with her for a while), she was still incredibly vicious and it ruined our relationship. I also heard that she talked about it behind my back with mutual friends, which I’m sure hurt my reputation in their eyes.

    I definitely learned the shut-your-mouth tactic after this incident. A side-benefit is that, over time, it’s helped me keep a cool head sooner. I don’t get as upset/frustrated as quickly because I’ve practiced holding my tongue. And when I don’t say anything, I don’t fuel that fire and it usually dies down quickly.

    Thanks for another awesome episode of MarieTV!

  59. Luna

    I once went o a job interview 3 days into a 5 day juice fast. I normally feel great when fasting, but not this time. I considered trying to reschedule, but I didn’t want to seem unprofessional. So I showed up and was a mess! was scattered, ungrounded, unfocused and not on top of my game at all! The room was spinning and I quickly passed on the job saying it didn’t look like a good fit and got out of there before I fainted. I was so embarrassed about making the worst impression of my life. I later wrote an email thanking her for her time. I apologized for seeming scattered and explained the reason. I said that if another opportunity was available down the road I hoped we could work together. Turns out, a month later, another opportunity was available. I asked for an interview and got the job. It was a wonderful experience for me that opened many doors and she and I became friends. My brief and professional apology & explanation really paid off. 🙂

  60. I have this work partner for a few years now, it all started as her being my agent, then I could finally break free and be on my own, but I still work a lot with her.
    She is also a friend which sometimes can make things a little more sensitive, because she thinks she’s always right until she sees the proof of being wrong rubbed into her face. And yet, she would never admit it. The problem is that because her position still is of a “boss’, she is the one who hooks up with the gigs, and because I was once her employee, she acts all powered up, and makes me and the other girls feel like “Hey, I’m the boss, if you dont do how I want you are out.” The other girls give in, so Im the only black sheep trying to fight for justice, and everyone end up benefiting for it.
    But in the end of the day, I always manage to be on the good side because whatever I say is never how I originally feel after a situaton comes up – which is normally a lot of anger, frustration. And knowing I have a big mouth, natural brazilian style, I’ve learned to hold myself back, think intelligently, and come up with great arguments and from a much more position of authority because there’s no loss of control. So she loses it first and says whatever she wants to say, sometimes hurting our feelings, but I found that not getting back to her straight away always fixes it, and I end up getting it my way 🙂
    It did happen that I also lost control once, but I went on an elaborated yet sincere apology. And it worked heaps! I found out that, forget the pride, and you are on top of the world because everyone else acts out of their ego and stupid pride. All they want is love hahaha
    Anyways, it has been working for me!
    Cheers

  61. Lizz

    Marie,

    I love your cut aways to popular music videos & songs. Your renditions of hip hop videos make my day light. I wonder though, do you have to get special permissions to use that stuff on web videos?

    I’d love to hear how you do it?

  62. Hi Marie,

    Another excellent episode! Congratulations! 🙂

    I have to admit that saying stupid things is probably my middle name ;-D

    But because of that, I’ve learned so many ways of saying “Sorry”. How is that for a seed of an equivalent benefit? 😉

    Of course, there are situations when simply saying it won’t work. Nevertheless, you have to say it!

    Besides that, you need to clean up the mess you’ve done. If someone is upset by what you did, than do something to turn it around.

    If it’s something you’ve said, than explain exactly what you’ve meant.

    It’s not easy, I know. But you’ve got to try. Humiliate yourself if it’s necessary. The relationship is worth it!

    I don’t believe anyone can resist a true apology which comes right from the heart 🙂

    God bless you Marie,
    You really change lives!

    With love,
    Robert

  63. Ngoc Khong

    The 24 hour rule is awesome.

    But I gotta admit sometimes I need to wait a bit longer to cool out. Last week I was in sort of a quarter-life crisis so I was kinda frustrated with many people even my best friend. I had to “zip it” until I recovered from the crisis, so that I wouldn’t say anything stupid that would hurt my relationships.
    Can you guess how long it took me? A week.

  64. Tea

    Thank you for another fun and uplifting video Marie! I’ve been working chained to my computre the whole morning and the weather is grey and dreadfull as it always is at this time of year in England and I have had this grey flat feeling too.. and then I thought ‘Ha, it’s time for Marie’s Tuesday TV!’ and the post was waiting for me in my mailbox, yay! I watched it and the grey flat feeling is gone gone gone!
    As a Sagittarius I find I have had ample opportunities to learn to deal with situations caused by blurrting out my thoughts while under stress/pressure. So now I’m almost a ninja black belt level in how to handle these situations. There is nothing better than honest communication communication communication! There is no single person on this planet that would have not experienced stress at one point or another and I find that when I’m honest and open about why I acted like a crazy person because of the stress, people are – in most instances – actually very sympathetic because they can relate. Sometimes it not only clears the air with the person, but makes the relationship stronger.

    Have a wonderful week everyone!

  65. Love your rendition of TLC’s “Creep.” 🙂 AND your Ice Cube clip!

    Old school hip hop aside… really sound advice, lady. I’m a huge advocate for owning up to your mistakes. HUGE. I recently wrote a blog post about forgiving others and ourselves for growing in our own directions, and in the back of mind, I had an image of confused and pissy twenty two year old me, hatin’ on my friends and loved ones simply because I was changing and I didn’t know where I was going. My foot was in my mouth ALL the gosh darn time, and though it’s certainly been a while… an apology is STILL nice to hear. It shows people that you’re thinking of them and forms the basis for a mutual understanding: you won’t jump to conclusions next time THEY insert their foot into their mouths, because you know that life happens and people go temporarily batty.

    As always, thank you for your wisdom. You’re an inspiration!

  66. Great question in today’s episode, I think people really appreciate it if you own up mistakes.

  67. Hey Marie!
    thank you for todays Q and A – I agree – Apologizing is always appropriate!
    The more I just let go and do it as soon as possible – I feel so much energetic weight lift! I am a fire ball so the zip it rule has come slow for me – but getting better at the pause more and more every year! Especially with emails! wow life has gotten so much better since I have push the draft button instead of send when I was in a sad /angry email reactive moment ! Feels great to get it alll out – but in the end after 24 hrs I usually decide to not send the email – and am always amazed at the way it all sorts itself out with out my long winded explanations of my feelings that often end up stinging others! Lately I have been using the Hoopponopono method of resolution : I love you , I am sorry, Please forgive me , Thank you – It is amazing and it creates some amazing changes in your life even if you write it down in your journal to a certain person you just dont feel like you can approach just yet!
    I notice the more I trust apologizing the more flow , relaxation and peace my life has – I used to be scared to apologize for my part because I felt I would be blamed for the whole mess! – But you know it just doesnt matter – taking responsibility for our part every step of our lives is just so freeing and peaceful – I just dont care any more what others think or need to blame me for as long as I have made my peace, made my ammends and taken care of my words, thoughts and intentions with aligning them with my deep hearts truth. I have found it is essencial to take the time to feel deeply to the deep heart truth that initiated the jab or attack or judgement and confess the truth in apologizing – that seems to disipate charge and create connection ! Just make sure not to get into a whole monolgue justifying and explaining yourself – SHORT AND SWEET! is my advise !
    Happy Thurseday everyone! Rock on Ms. Marie!
    love
    Ixeeya
    womenstentix.blogspot.com

  68. Hi Marie.
    Maybe you can answer this one next time.
    How about if you Write something stupid.
    I sent out a video of “someone” to my subscribers thinking it was a cool video because I liked it, and 20% unsubscribed.
    I feel like the world is about to end.

    • Stephanie

      Just wondering what I can do to make that video disappear? Please advise. Will do whatever is necessary to make it disappear.

  69. Debra

    Hi Marie, I loved your topic today and I feel sometimes apologizing can make your personal and professional relationships so much stronger. Over the years I have said things that I have felt made someone in the room uncomfortable and I did not notice until later. Believe it or not, this can be a blessing in disguise when you finally have a chance to think about your mistake and really internalize how it may have made the other person feel. It is then that I will make the call and tell them how sorry I am and that I did not mean to make them feel that way. It is so crazy, but this usually shows other people just how real you are and a true relationship usually begins and in many cases a stronger business relationship can emerge. Additionally, while it is always best to apology right away, I feel anytime is never too late!! Your 24 hour rule is a must. I wish I always remembered it!!! Thank you!!

  70. Hi Marie!
    I love how timely this piece is! Just had an incident happen last Thursday that left me with that foot in mouth disease. 😉 I had begun a casual conversation with my boss in the lobby of the gym after I had taught a yoga class and the conversation turned to business topics that should be discussed privately. However, the snowball gained momentum quickly and before I knew it, I was feeling unprofessional. As awkward as it was, I left to digest what happened and then sent an apologetic email for how the conversation went. I put myself in his shoes and could understand how he felt when I divulged certain things that clearly upset him and let him know that I did in fact see his point of view.

    It’s important to take ownership and be accountable for our actions. A lot of people (I used to be one of the biggest offenders) would rather blame others and take no responsibility for when things go wrong. Glad I grew up!

    Thanks!
    Kristen

    • Just to clarify….the unprofessional conversation revolved around money. Lol! After re-reading this, it could have been easily construed as something else. Ha!

  71. I’ve just learnt the hard way about what happens when I allow myself to anger quickly and then react in anger… it’s those angry text messages I need to stay well away from. I think 24 hours is a great starting point!

    • Natalie du plessis

      Feeling exactly the same, pity is when its out its out…

  72. This was fun informative and practical.. This was great solid advice!

  73. Ray

    Thanks for the great work you do, I enjoy. I too have a minimum 24 hour period. However what I do is go straight to my computer and write a letter to that person. I don’t send it, I just sit on it for a couple of days and ususally I never even get around to sending it. I got my anger out by writing the letter. If the problem was that big, it would still be a problem in a few days and need to be addressed. But again for the most part, after I write the letter, I move on. Now what I have learned not to do is write it on my email account, because I mistaken sent it one time and it created a huge problem with one of my largest clients. I had to grovel for weeks to patch that and the relationship never really was the same. But then I heard the saying, some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I realized that if they were meant to be in my life for a lifetime, they would not have been so offended that it affected our relationship. I was only being honest with what I wrote and lifetime relationships have the resilence to out way minor hiccups. But the practice for me at least, is get it out of my system with written words and be done with it. I probably kept my marriage going for 5 years longer than it would have by using that method. Now, I have a folder with all of those letters locked away and figure some day I will write a book called “What The H#%$, I Really Wanted to Say” or something like that. 😉 (I will change the names to protect the innocent of course). Then of course if you do slip up, sorry goes a long way. In a loving relationship, the phrase, I am sorry if I came across unloving . . . is not used enough. See you next Tuesday, Chao!!

  74. You are a true Master Marie! I think the advice you gave in the video is excellent and what all great Master’s, like the Dalai Lama practice, good self management of anger towards another person. It’s taken me years to learn the art of ‘zipping it’ and I’ve learned some great things from doing this. The key thing, you don’t hurt the person or yourself when you control your anger. Some tactics I’ve learnt; walk away, don’t open your mouth, blow into a balloon 🙂 (my kids loved that one, thought I’d completely lost it, lol!), realise that whatever is triggering your anger is a reflection of what’s going on with your negative, fear inducing, self defeating beliefs!
    And yes apologise afterwards if you fail to do any of the above :-).

  75. Love the 24 hour policy – and as a mini version, I’ve discovered the Undo Send feature on Gmail which gives a 30-second (or whatever you set) breathing room if you’ve hit “Send” in a crazy state and wish you could turn back time. With that feature you kind of can 🙂

  76. Bomb diggity lessons in this one M. Keep making a difference.

  77. If something nasty is getting ready to fly out of my mouth, it is usually because I am perceiving that person as “the other.” Once I take a moment and acknowledge the similarities between us (which there are always more than the differences), I swallow my words with a does of humble pie. But if it slips out before I can take that pause, I am almost always sorry. Just gotta keep practicing that slight pause!

  78. Wow, thank you.

    This was really helpful, and I loved the “Zip-it” graphical reppresentation, I tend to do not zip anything. I was opened to say sorry, but I didn’t think about explain better what I meant in little-mad situation.

    Sometimes stupid little things just bring more joy, it’s fine to have control on them.

  79. Not gonna ZIP a thing: You got the sexiest dress evah!

  80. I love love loved the Ice Cub reference. I just love mixing hip hop with business.

    Aside from that, whenever something frustrates me (usually client emails) I take a moment to myself and let myself wonder and think whatever thoughts I need to process. Once I’ve done that, I try to either imagine myself feeling the way she does or if that doesn’t work, I fake it til I make it and just pretend!

  81. Moonlight

    Adorable & funny, yet informative! This is my first time to your site and this is the first article and video I’ve seen. I am now hooked. Thanks for your not so serious, but you should take this seriously way of coming across to get your point across! <3

  82. Marie girl…. you know as always you hit that nail on the head! Okay so here’s a little confession *wink* I am a deeply passionate person when it comes to my work and while I won’t say I’ve said “stupid” things (that’s just not the right word) I have said things that I “shouldn’t” have. When I see or feel a perceived injustice or that something needs to be corrected I have to say something, it’s just not authentic for me to not do so. Unfortunately my passion gets taken in ways I wish it wouldn’t and it becomes a nasty situation really quickly as I’ve had to find out a number of times in the last six months. Unfortunately it leaves me looking like an a$$ when I’m one of the sweetest (yet honest) persons you’ll ever meet.

    The 24 hour rule is so great, but I think I would suggest an amendment. If you’re like me and you just have to say it…write it out just as you feel it, then destroy it (in a safe place mind you – you don’t want “hard evidence” coming back to bite you). Burning is best I think. That way you released some of the energy, let it go, and all without putting yourself in a potentially bad spot. I’ve found that I’ve written something out just as I felt it, read it and saw how mean it sounded even if I didn’t intend it that way. I think also just putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and then adding Danielle LaPorte’s mantra: “You just never know” really helps too.

    As for what’s happened to me I’m just going to work on letting it go. As much as the situations bother me that they happened at all there’s not much that can be done (but I definitely will reach out and apologize.)

  83. Hey Marie, I went to Lady Gaga in Vancouver BC Canada. She was amazing,inspirational and down right fabulous. What a performance!
    I would love to job shadow her for 3 days just to see what her days/nights are like. I’ll keep my day job as I can not carry a tune and I think I would get distracted from all those 6 packs!
    Apologies are always the best answer like you said. If it seems fit you can never go wrong with fresh flowers being delivered.

  84. love the idea of the 24 hour rule! i’m definitely gonna implement that because i’ve let my mouth get the best of me more than a time or two and the clean-up process can be messy.

    thanks again marie!

  85. I love Lady Gaga she has had a really positive influence on a lot of people, I love her message be proud of who you are .
    I was under a lot of stress and we were facing the possibility of being homeless, we were having a coffee with the in laws talking about concerts we had been to and I mentioned one I really did not enjoy , the stress of our situation meant I really let rip Iwent on and on about it being boring full of old people and so forth , the shocked silence alerted me to the fact something was horribly wrong , my mother in law then Informed me the concert I was laying into was the one she took me to. I could have died with shame on the spot , worst thing of all was I did not even mean what I said it was just a stress outburst. I love my mil and her company and apologised profusely ,she was really nice about it and knew the stress we were under and not to take offence , but even two years later prickles of shame run through me when I think about what I said. My whole body cringes.

  86. Hey Marie, I’ve found that I frequently say and do stupid things when there’s a lot of alcohol involved. Thinking there may be a cause and effect connection between those two. Will continue studies on this hypothesis and let you know. Great video, BTW. You rock! Tom

  87. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this, put my foot in at the wrong moment. Thanks Marie – useful info for future! Ursula

  88. Oh, I am the queen of saying stupid things and regretting them later.

    The biggest blunder of my life was me doing exactly that over a year ago. It ended up costing me big-time. I’ll try to summarize what went down…

    Long story short, I became fascinated with a professional mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter named Roger Huerta. His rags to riches childhood story touched my heart, and I felt like I could totally relate to him. He grew up with abusive/negligent parents who abandoned him and left him homeless by the time he was 12. He slept on rooftops, got recruited into gangs… but somehow he eventually became a famous and much-adored fighter in the UFC.

    I spent about a year reading everything I could about this man and felt a profound “calling” to meet him. Meanwhile, I was a self-employed freelance writer living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to find my place in the world.

    I wrote an intention in my notebook and decided to meet Roger Huerta in person. And what happened? A rare opportunity came up where I could meet him in his hometown of Pharr, TX — a small town on the US/Mexican border, where he had grown up and spent much of his anguished childhood.

    In July 2011, I flew from Colorado to Pharr in order to attend an MMA seminar being hosted by this fighter. I met him, got to hang out with him and his inner circle, and was amazed at how well we got along (as I suspected we would). He opened up to me…but our time was brief. The trip ended without resolution.

    During that summer I grappled with my feelings about this man. I felt even more drawn to him. I wanted more of his time and attention. I learned he would be returning to Pharr for a professional fight in November 2011.

    Once again, I knew deep down I had to do everything in my power to be there. I knew I needed to return to Pharr to watch Roger fight. My business was dwindling that year, income was lower than ever, and at this point I was running on funds from my retirement account. But I knew I HAD to be at that fight…

    A few days before November 26th (fight day), I solicited donations online for gasoline money, pawned my gold rings, CDs, and other belongings, and came up with just enough cash to get myself to Pharr. I drove 1200 miles alone, without any sleep, in a Mazda that badly needed a tune-up and an oil change. Somehow I arrived safely, and all kinds of doors opened for me while I was there…

    Roger lost the fight. I did not get a chance to see him. And I learned he would be leaving for Russia soon.

    So on my drive back to Denver, I invited the fighter to meet me for dinner. He would be in Austin TX, and I would be passing through there on my way back home.

    To my amazement, he agreed to meet me.

    Running on very little sleep that weekend, I wasn’t at the top of my “game.” I was surprised to see Roger brought his family with him to our dinner.

    Me being introverted, and tired, and seeing him act VERY immaturely around his family, and hearing news that he was getting married in 3 weeks — I just couldn’t take it. The reality of what I’d spent over a YEAR doing suddenly hit me.

    I turned to Roger and said, “This was a stupid idea.”

    Then I got up and left.
    …..

    All that energy spent thinking about this man’s story… going to extreme lengths to meet him… and creating a possible friendship with him… went down the drain because I was exhausted, stressed, felt out of place with his family, and I said something stupid.

    The stupid words I will always regret slipped right out of my mouth, without me thinking, and I can never undo them.

    The next day, the man I adored blocked me on Facebook/Twitter, had his friend call me and tell me “it’s best if you guys don’t communicate.” They basically decided I was a crazy person, and shut me out. Roger was unreceptive to my apologies.

    I decided to write a book about this whole ordeal — partly to figure out what the fuck I was thinking when I walked out — and partly to make amends.

    I began marketing the book long before it was finished, and the mixed martial arts community got wind of it. It grew into quite a dramatic spectacle. (I am now known as the “Roger Huerta stalker” and due to my online marketing and SEO skills, my website comes up as #1 on Google when you search that term. But I digress.)

    A year later, I’m still working on the book and still figuring out how to clean up the mess… it’s getting clearer and clearer each day. On the bright side, I’ve discovered my #1 non-negotiable for living the life I want is to ALWAYS GET 7-9 HOURS OF QUALITY SLEEP EVERY NIGHT, NO MATTER WHAT!!! 🙂 In fact, any major blunder in my life can be traced back to me not getting enough sleep, and being a cranky, impulsive biotch!

    So Marie Forleo, when I read your blog “I Made a Mistake: What To Do When You’ve Said Something Stupid,” I had to laugh… because I’ve totally been there, done that. To me, stupid words are the emotional equivalent of an oil spill over the ocean. Such tremendous damage can occur over such a small error, when you’re not careful with the words you give to others.

    I thank you for this blog and I’m glad I discovered you. I hope someone gets something positive out of reading my story… I know it’s an odd one. And I know it will be in book stores soon. 🙂

    Michelle Lopez

  89. omg!!! Too funny, and soo real. This was a great topic, and soo fitting:) We are all human, and I definitely agree that an apology can go a long way, and definitely best to think before speaking! Not always easy, and soooo important!

  90. Kim Forman

    You crack me up! I really admire and appreciate the hilarity-injected wisdom you share with the world. Thank you for putting yourself out there. You are a HUGE inspiration.

  91. I am telling the truth to my friend and now my best friend hate me so damn much and everyone says that im stabbing my own friend.I hate my life

  92. Molly

    I asked my sales team if they understood what the expectations were after talking to them about our poor results. I asked them a very straight forward question about what were the top three things their customers find important to their business. NO ONE could answer…I said ok tell me one thing that is important to your clients and their business…still NOTHING…I felt my face begin to burn with frustration. Then said, guys no wonder the results are poor. If you don’t know what is important to your clients how do you expect to sell to them? Then I said this…. If you are not feeling the pain of your poor results like your managers and myself are then maybe you don’t need to be here……

    Then I realized….I just eliminated 20% of my team 2 weeks ago in a Corporate downsizing that came as a huge surprise and most of them were fearful that they would be impacted. Yeah, I have officially said something really stupid that will NOT produce results…. I am going to apologize first thing in the a.m.

  93. How can you endorse Lady Gaga’s full-out express yourself and f*!#% what others think and then show those same people how to apologize to someone like Lady Gaga who may have p–sed them off.

    Truth must have only one Image, that of not changing… if not… it is no truth and there you stand one day happy and the next day sad over the same facts perceived in two or more time zones from different perspectives.

    It is not good to have Strange gods and images to worship and God when no one else is looking.

    You can no more unsay a thing than you can unsee a thing. “What I have written, I have written!”, said Pontius Pilate.

    Better to wait the 24 hours, like I did before writing this, or don’t ever respond to something you disagree with and leave the audience if you don’t like the play, or the players.

  94. Lori

    I just checked out your site and this was fabulous! Yesterday was the last day of classes for a quarter and I had been thinking about the woman who is our registrar and how isolated she always seems in an office way at the front all alone….on my way out of the building (stressed from just having taken a test I didn’t feel I did well enough on) I asked her if she was pregnant!!! WHAT was I thinking???!!! No matter the reasons I thought this, she is athletic and active and beautiful, it was just a plain lack of social skills on my part. This was a great video and suggestion because I did email her and apologize as soon as I got home because I suddenly realized it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever said in my life and I really just didn’t mean it to be that way!!! Thank you for the suggestion of apologizing — now, what to do when I actually see this person next quarter???

  95. Shauna

    A couple of weeks ago I was really pissed off at everything and unfortunately I didn’t see this video! So I did something really horrible and felt guilty about it almost immediately afterward. I cursed out my crush! I stuck up my middle finger and everything! I wanted to apologize, but my pride wouldn’t let me. It was solved when the guy apologized. We’re friends now,but I still want to apologize what do I do?

  96. Maddi

    So I totally messed up when submitting something online for a class. I accidentally submitted it to the wrong class! I told the teacher about it and she asked for the other teacher’s email address to confirm what I told her. Even though she supposedly trusted me. So I went to email the teacher the other teacher’s name when I realized that I submitted the project late in the other dropbox. So should I just blow off the teacher since I can’t give the other teacher’s email or should I explain the whole situation to the teacher? It sounds so crazy and I feel like an idiot.

  97. drpaint

    I am normally quiet and reserved – all the time. After 2 months at a new job, our boss wanted our group to meet with another group we were having issues with, in particular the women were being very rude and unprofessional with us and it was begining to become unbarable. In addition, my boss was the only one in our group who knew I had been having issues with a male member of their team who was staring at me and coming on strong. I didnt want to go to this meeting where he would also be but as the new girl was pushed into it.
    At the end of this meeting (which included crying from some on our end and lying on their end), one woman suddenly pointed me out as having lied about an issue and that she knew I was lying and expected honesty from me… I became furious and immediately corrected her and told her she was wrong and I had never lied! I did raise my voice, but I was furious and she just kept going at me. My manager said nothing. In fact she never stood up for us!
    I came back and let another coworker know it didnt go well, using the phrase “theyre all a bunch of bitches” in frustration and “I about wanted to kill them”. My boss thought things went well.
    Two days later I was called in to see my boss who told me I looked like I wanted to kill that woman and she basically said she was rethinking having hired me at all. I was so upset! I should have not said anything, she told me, and while I could have kept composure I also was feeling trapped, humilliated and very stressed.
    After the weekend I walked in to her office to genuinely apologise for my behavior but before I could finish she interrupted me and gave me the 2nd degree again – how I wasnt the person she thought she hired and she was not sure about me.
    Ive quickly learned I work with some tattletales who report everything they hear which makes life hard for me because its all 2nd hand and things that never should have gone to management at all!
    I feel sick. I feel horrible, unforgiven, embarassed, timid and scared about asking any questions or for help, lest one more little bird drop another line that sways my favor with my boss further South. I do feel ashamed, but also like everything I have ever done well has been forgotten and shes now actively against me!
    How do I work this out if I feel sick at my job and my boss has made up her mind about me from one mistake and other peoples comments? I feel I cant win.

  98. KunKaren

    Just had this really bad situation with my fiance. We were in a long distance relationship,when i suddenly outburst my anger because of feeling of longiness,i said stupid things and he does not liked what ive just said. He said that’s what he really hate and he said he does not need that. He broke up with me just like that. I apologize but it was not enough. He said just focus to my work and change my bad attitude. I want him back but how and what should i do to make him back.

  99. Kidding Me

    Life fail royal mess up.
    I was texting a friend and they were like do you think the holocaust will happen again. asked for my opinion… bad idea … said yes and went on a rant about how messed up the world is. But, it’s finals (so crunch time) and I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately, and I happen to have a crush on this guy. Apologized like a billion times today… but I am going to see him tomorrow…. still don’t know how I am going to handle it… I was totally not thinking at all because I was so distracted and gave him my honest answer totally forgetting that my answer was no only rude and derogatory but also brought to life all of his biggest fears…So life lesson learned never talk to people when you are under a tone of stress, it only causes more anxiety. Still need help.

  100. yuvraj

    What if the person isn’t even listening to your apology ? 🙁 and you really cannot rest until you apologies to that person ? (*i cannot afford lose that person just cant let go …)

  101. Collin

    I said something really dumb that could cost me my relationship. I have been with this girl for a little more than a year, and I give her my all, but she is off at college now and it makes my stress levels very high, especially when she talks about other guys. It’s not that I don’t trust her, just that I got jealous. Either way one night she was texting her mother about her new friend, happens to be a guy. She had talked about how nice he is and how he makes her feel smart because she can help him with his work. Of corse I got jealous. She accidentally sent me one of the texts intended for her mother and I freaked out. I told her I didn’t believe that she was texting her mother, and that I was so jealous. She called me and asked how long I have been thinking about this. I told he since she moved. And was so irritated with me and now she doesn’t know if she wants to stay with me or if she ways to break up. I’ve apologized many time and even talked to her. She just doesn’t know if she can trust me or not. What do I do, because if it wasn’t for this, we would be smooth sailing.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Collin, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time in your relationship right now. I hope that some of the tips Marie shared in this episode help you reconnect with your girlfriend.

      I thought I might share another related episode just in case it might be helpful too: http://marieforleo.com/2011/01/im-sorry/

  102. Tryingtosavearelationship

    I need help! My boyfriend is in the military and he came home for two and a half weeks, and last weekend me and him were cutting up at his parents house and well… the topic of “Respect” came up…. and I was just kidding, but i made a comment something to the effect of well if he had some respect for his parents…. and me and him are now on the wrong foot, and he’s leaving today! I can’t have us arguing like this. How do I make things right with him after apologizing for three days? I am so terrified I am going to lose him. I really do like him. I can’t eat, sleep, or think…I feel like my life is crumbling. And the worst part is, I am expecting his baby.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi there! I’m so sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend are going through a difficult time. I know it can be much harder with him being in the military and having to leave again, and please know that you’re absolutely not alone.

      I hope this episode provided you with a few helpful tips, and I thought I might also share this other MarieTV about ideas for making things right: https://www.marieforleo.com/2013/06/comeback-youve-people/

      You might also check if there are resources in your area for military spouses/partners for some additional tips on staying connected with your boyfriend while he’s away and building trust and understanding between the two of you. There are a lot more support networks out there nowadays than there used to be, and having that support of other people who have been through the same things you’re facing can be tremendously helpful.

      If you’re on or near a military base, there will definitely be some services there to get in touch with. If not, you might ask your boyfriend if his unit or company has any family services groups. Most units do, or you could even start one yourself.

      I hope that helps. We’re sending lots of love and best wishes your way, and hope that everything works out beautifully!

      • stilltryingtosavearelationship

        Please help me make it right with him before he leaves…. I said something so stupid and I want things to be the way they were before I messed us up.

        • Caroline - Team Forleo

          Hey there! Both this episode and the additional one I’ve shared have some really helpful tips to get you started, so definitely do check those out if you haven’t already. One of the most important aspects of making amends is being willing to apologize and have a heart to heart.

          If you have a chance to sit down with your boyfriend, you might find it helpful to start with how much he means to you, and that you feel badly about saying something that hurt his feelings (or caused an argument or whatever feels right). Let him know that you’re committed to making it right.

          Simply apologizing is sometimes enough to make everything better right away, but even if you’re not able to resolve it together before he leaves, that doesn’t mean you can’t still reconnect. While he’s away, you can continue talking to him and getting closer together.

          I found one other MarieTV you might like to check out for a few other ideas too — it’s a great one: https://www.marieforleo.com/2013/03/communication-strategies/

          Best wishes to you and your man!

  103. katelyn

    omg my friend and I was being stupid and we were joking around and one of us said to this kids who goes to our school, that is our friend, we said if you answer us NAME would marry you. well the thing is that was online, so tomorrow it will be super weird. so I already tried to apologized on google hangouts so, yeah please make a video about this it would be so helpful!

  104. katelyn

    but what happened is he has not replyed.

  105. mae

    hi! ahm., what would you do if you have told someone about your friend’s secret.. and that secret was supposed to be a very private one but you messed up? and you even broke their reputation or their image… and the thing is that you kept it quite a long time now… but now they found out about what you did… i really regret what i’ve done but i don’t know how… what to do or what not to do or how would i apologize… i really am a traitor but please help me.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      Mae, I’m sorry you’re in such a sticky situation. Hopefully Marie’s tips in this video helped. You might also want to try being as honest as possible with your friend about what happened. It might be hard, but perhaps it’ll help ease the pain your friend is feeling.

  106. Josh

    I made a big mistake last night with my girl. I was already in a bad mood then I saw her flirting with this dude online. I said what do you want from me? And tried to tell her how it made me feel. She was so upset she now does not want to even talk to me at all. Barely, no second chances nothing. I barely got her to say OK to be friends and start over. She said that one phrase crushed her like crazy. She won’t take my apologies or the I know I made a mistake. I told her even you know me better than this that is not me. I said something I should not have said, and you’re going to take a mistake and instead of work through it and just throw away everything? She is being so hard I don’t know what to do….

  107. Mrs. nobody

    Hi everyone, I need help…
    We live on a large farm and have some backpackers who stay with us, I personally really like them, but my mum doesn’t. Yesterday i was talking to her and she was bagging one of them. I didn’t think they were home so I joined in ( I know it was a really awful thing to do, but I wanted her to agree with me. Then as I was halfway through my raving the girl I was talking about walked into the kitchen and heard the whole thing. I didn’t say anything and ran to my room where I locked the door and haven’t come out since. I feel like the most awful person in the world and hate myself.
    I need to go to uni tommorow and consequently I need to come out. Does anyone have any advice on what I should to? Say sorry, write a card ect.
    I am so worried and feel awful…

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Mrs. Nobody, thank you so much for sharing your note here, and I’m so sorry to hear that you found yourself in that kind of a situation. It’s never any fun to be caught saying something you wish you hadn’t, and I know you’re absolutely not alone.

      We’ve all done that at some point and it absolutely doesn’t mean you’re awful — it just means that you’re human! We all say things we don’t mean from time to time, and it’s definitely something that we can learn from and move past.

      It looks like your comment came in a few hours ago, so it’s possible that you may have spoken with the people already, but I thought I’d share a few tips just in case.

      The best way to handle situations like this is to simply apologize and be honest. That might be something like, “I’m so sorry that you walked in yesterday and overheard me saying some unkind things. That’s not like me at all, and I don’t feel good about it.” You might mention that you really do like them, and apologize. It’s often great to do that in person, but if you feel more comfortable sharing a kind letter, that’s another option.

      For a few more tips on giving a great apology, here are a couple more MarieTV episodes:

      https://marieforleo.com/2011/01/im-sorry/
      https://www.marieforleo.com/2013/06/comeback-youve-people/

      I hope that helps, and we’re sending our best wishes your way!

  108. Mrs Isabella

    My name is Isabella, i am from USA i had little issues with my husband and he left home after we had quarrels, i miss him so very much. I have tried to reconcile with him but he went ahead to settle down with another lady who have been trying to still him away from me, she work in the same office with him.I told my friend about what i was going through and she said i don’t need to worry that there is powerful Priest who can help me prepare a spell to bring him back to me without much delay. I contacted Priest Ajigar and in just 4 days he really help me, we are back together again and also the kids are happy that their father is back home. I am so happy and would also advice you to contact his through his email: priestajigarspells @ live . com) i have experience his powerful spell is so real and genuine.

  109. T.Smith

    I recently posted something I felt was stupid in a group forum for school. It was a introductory forum for Homeland Security and Investigation. My instructor said to tell a little about yourself. Just to keep it light I said: “Hello, I I live in Ohio. I have an eleven year old daughter, who just happens to be “5th grade Math wizard” (bragging rights)I enjoy long walks on the beach, singing and dancing. Just kidding. I like to eat hot wings and watch SportsCenter. I love reading, writing, nail art and collecting books. I decided to enroll in this program because I want to join in the effort in trying to keep not only my neighborhood but my country safe. I wish to be a part of the solution and maybe make the world a little less scary” Nobody responded but others posted after me including the Prof so I know they saw it. There’s no deleting after you post so I just feel so stupid because no one else made jokes or commented on my post.

    • Kristin - Team Forleo

      I’m so sorry you had that experience. I hope you get more interaction with your professor and classmates, though. And remember, T., we ALL have experiences like this. You are so not alone!

  110. Natasha

    What if you said something stupid but it wasn’t offensive or rude? The person I said it to just laughed and thought it was funny, but I can’t get over how stupid I sounded

  111. Judy Dale

    I am a mom whose daughter is going through a divorce, and the family has been stressed about it due to several circumstances- I am having a hard time not constantly thinking about what her soon to be X did to her and our toddler grandson, forgiveness seems far away- forgetting is still not there. I know that it is ten times harder for her. And she is still hurting and emotional. I said something really stupid about the situation- really one of those foot in mouth things- and apologized profusely- but My daughter didn’t really seem to accept the apology and says I said it just to make her feel bad. I wanted her to understand that I am so upset with her x – and I meant it for him and not for her, but she still believes that I was trying to hurt her. I feel awful and don’t know what to do.

  112. Hope

    Hello there,
    I made a stupid mistake at work, I was super stressed and was overheard speaking badly of a colleague, it. The person who was secretly listening to the conversation has now begun to tell eveyone in the office and most people are giving me the cold shoulder. I’m desperate, what can I do to make amends. From Ms. stupid.

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Hi Hope, thank you so much for your comment, and I’m so sorry to hear that things are tough in your office right now. You’re absolutely not alone — I know we’ve all said things in the heat of the moment that can be hurtful to others, especially when you’re feeling stressed out.

      I hope that the tips Marie shared in this episode are helpful to you. The most important part is apologizing and making amends, which can take some time. In addition to this episode, we’ve done a couple others on apologies that I thought I might share just in case they’re helpful too:

      https://marieforleo.com/2011/01/im-sorry/
      https://www.marieforleo.com/2013/06/comeback-youve-people/

      Thanks again for watching, and we’re sending our best thoughts your way!

  113. What’s wrong with waiting tables?!!! What’s wrong with being a career waitress, or waiter? What’s wrong with blue collar work? !!!!!!!!!!!

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      Johnny, thank you for stopping by and I’d love to clarify. We would never suggest that there’s anything wrong with waiting tables or making an honest living in any industry. In fact, most of us, including Marie herself, started out our careers working in restaurants, bars, and all kinds of work that is traditionally labeled as blue collar, so we absolutely have respect for everyone who works in the restaurant industry, regardless of whether they’re there only for a short time or for their careers.

      Our intent with sharing the quote from Lady Gaga was not to disparage any industry, but to mention that it’s possible for us to bring our dreams to life. Those dreams can be anything – from being a performer like Lady Gaga had always dreamed of, to having an amazing career in the restaurant industry. The most important part is that we keep moving and dreaming when we haven’t achieved those goals yet.

      I hope that helps, and thanks again for watching.

  114. Alaiya gibson

    I love the 24hrs rule…. One thing that can change the past is to love again and always show it.

  115. I am feeling horrible. This past Sunday at a Football Party I had a massive “Foot in Mouth” moment. Its Wednesday and I am still suffering. It was 3 couples…including us and we are very good friends. Anyways…one of our friends girlfriends (we are all on our late 30s) would not quit flirting with my partner of 3+ years. At one point while we were out of the room she took his phone and took a bunch of selfies on it which I thought was a little strange, Two times after I got up and came back in the room she was cozied up to my Partner taking Selfies with him. Now we had been drinking pretty much all day and that didn’t help but when the other woman there told me in bothered her too…well I took it in to my own hands. Right when we were leaving I walked in and politely asked her to not be so flirtatious the next time we hung out as I saw it as disresectful to me.

    Okay so now my partner is pissed saying his friends are in shock I would say such a thing and I am getting the silent treatment…we are on day 3 Yahoooooo!!! He is completely embarrassed of me and my actions and I have apologized 10x…He won’t even say “I Love You.”
    Any words of advice? I was planning a Haunted Hayride for all of our families this weekend. I was hoping to act like nothing happen and apologize in person if they come. I sent a text (sad I know) apologizing as well.

    Thank you!!

    Steph

    • Mandy - Team Forleo

      I’m so sorry that happened to you, Stephanie! It definitely sounds like a tricky situation. It may help to openly and honestly discuss this with your partner since your concerns are absolutely valid.

  116. Great video! Thank you!

  117. R. C. Williams, Jr.

    My wife freaks out when I lose something she values. I know this fact, but when I reported the loss of a cord to our new unused printer, she scolded me. From that point I descended into personal attacks, which always lead to my complete humiliation. Marie, can I be helped?

    • Caroline - Team Forleo

      R.C. thank you for stopping by and sharing your question. I’m sorry to hear you and your wife are having a tough time communicating, and I know you’re so not alone – it’s often the most difficult for us to communicate with the people closest to us, and we absolutely believe it’s something you can work together to improve.

      I hope that the tips Marie shared in this episode were helpful. I know one of the biggest things that’s helped me personally in any relationships is pausing first before reacting, as that drives a wedge into our typical reactions and habits, which can allow us to step back before saying something and communicate more effectively. We did another MarieTV episode about effective communication that mentions this tip here: https://www.marieforleo.com/2013/12/communication-skills/

      If you haven’t already, you might also consider seeking the advice of a trusted counselor or professional (either yourself or with your wife), as it can be incredibly beneficial to get an outside perspective to navigate some of the trickier parts of our relationships. We’re sending our best wishes!

  118. nicole

    My first grade daughter said she told another little girl she is so fat and some other hurtful things. This is completely out of character for my daughter. I have a meeting with the two girls today after school. I do not want this little girl to feel bad about herself and I don’t know what to do or say to make her feel better. Right now my only plan is to get her a little flower and have my daughter say shes sorry. I need ideas, advice…this is drving me crazy please help

    • Hailey - Team Forleo

      Thanks for stopping by, Nicole! Even as adults, we say or do things that hurt others, and while our actions don’t define who we are, mistakes can be powerful learning opportunities. Communication and compassion are two important factors in reconciliation so it’s wonderful that you’re providing your daughter with the space to apologize to her friend.

      Whether we realize it or not, we can sometimes project our own insecurities onto others, so it may also be helpful to ask your daughter if someone has said hurtful things to her or if she has seen someone act that way toward someone else. It’s clear you have a big heart, Nicole, and it sounds like you’re already setting a beautiful example for your daughter to look up to– we’re sending you our best wishes that your meeting will go smoothly.

  119. I appreciate your website. This might help me a lot. Thanks.

  120. Karen Stansberry

    Thank you so much. I said something really stupid in talking to a friend today. Before the video was over, I paused and sent her a text (I am confident the text is appropriate in this relationship). My apology was general; it simply stated that I was sorry if I said anything stupid during our conversation and that she means the world to me and I would never do anything intentional to hurt her.

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