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How exciting. Can you feel the energy in the room? Geesh, shush, or is it just cold?
Hey everyone. It’s Marie Forleo and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And this is Q and A Tuesday, where we A some QS. It’s a good time, you should listen in. Check this out.
Today’s question comes from Victoria and she writes, “Hi, Marie. I look forward to your show like a kid does Christmas morning. I absolutely love your blog and everything you stand for. Thank you for all you do.” Thank you for tuning in. “
I’m writing you in desperate need of help. My question is, how do you know when it’s time to break up with a lifelong friend?” First, you got to get hair out of your face. “I’m in my thirties and I have a close girlfriend I’ve known since age five, but this relationship does nothing but drain me. I’m certainly not perfect. And we both had our ups and downs, but it seems like she only calls me to provide therapy for the negative situation she causes due to her impulsive nature.”
“I’m always sad to see her in distress, but it’s so frustrating to give her my time and the advice she asks for, only to see her turn around and go right back to her old ways. I’ve spoken to her about my feelings, but she responds with self-defense and denial. Someone I trust, advised me to change the subject or just cut the cord completely. What do you think?”
This is such a juicy question, Victoria. And the reason I wanted to answer it is because so many people struggle with this. As the late Jim Rohn said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” And here’s the thing, life is short and you get to choose, consciously choose those five people, especially when it comes to your friends.
I am very conscious of the people I spend time with. And I have really strong, energetic boundaries. In fact, negative people don’t even show up in my life because they can sense I’ve got a positive force field around me and they know they’re not going to last very long.
Now to be clear, we all need to vent sometimes. And my friends and I certainly do that, but we don’t hang out there. And here’s the other thing, people that are addicted to drama and negativity and complaining, find being around a highly positive person like myself, who is always seeing the bright side of things, to be highly annoying.
Do my friends bother you? So by consciously not spending time with negative people, you’re doing everybody a favor. And remember this, you can’t change anyone into a more positive person. As my friend, Chris Carr says, and yes, it’s tweetable, “The only time you can change someone is when they’re in diapers.”
Now, when it comes to your friend, here’s a script you can use. “Look, I love you dearly and I want the best for you, but I have to be honest, hearing you complain nonstop is draining, it’s frustrating and it makes me not want to spend time together. I think you should hire a therapist to work through these issues because this negative pattern has been happening for years. I’m tired of seeing you in pain and I’m tired of hearing myself give you the same advice over and over. We’ve known each other since we were five, but if this is all this relationship is going to be, let’s bless each other and go our separate ways.”
Here’s the bottom line, Victoria, allowing your friend to continue complaining to you is actually a negative pattern of your own and you need to take responsibility for changing it. You are in charge of the people you allow in your life and the energy those people bring. So that was my A to your Q, Victoria. Thank you so much for asking it and do let us know how it goes.
Now, I would love to hear from you. Have you ever had to break up with a friend? What did you do? How did it go? I want to hear your story. As always, the best stuff happens after the episode over at marieforleo.com, so go there now and leave a comment.
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time on Marie TV.
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