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How To Deal With Criticism

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I’m writing you from the clouds. More precisely…

I’m about 10,000 feet up on a Virgin America flight en route to Los Angeles for our company’s annual summer retreat.

Since our business is completely virtual, it’s vital that we all get together in person a few times a year for strategic planning and — big ol’ slumber parties!! (don’t you miss those??)

Back when I first started my business, I dreamed of the day when I’d be lucky enough to work with really talented people like this.

I fantasized about having these kind of work/play “getaways” in gorgeous places with tons of healthy food and ample supplies of markers and flip charts.

But that was a fantasy I didn’t tell many people about for years.

Why?

Because I was afraid that my idea was dumb and I’d be judged for it. I didn’t want to be criticized or deal with negative pushback.

Now I see how silly that was, but at the time — the fear of criticism felt very real. Which is exactly what we’re talking about today on MarieTV: how to deal with the fear of criticism.

If you ever let the fear of what other people will say stop you from creating to your full potential, this episode is for you.

You’ll learn four critical points to keep in mind about critics, as well as two of my all-time favorite quotes on the subject.

It’s easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It’s a lot more difficult to perform one. – @ChuckPalahniuk via @MarieForleo

After you’ve watched, I’d love to know, have you ever let fear of criticism and judgment stop you? What did you do to overcome it?

Alternatively…

Have you faced harsh criticism? If so, did it take you out for a while — or did you find a way to get right back up on the horse?

People handle criticism (or the fear of it) so differently. That’s why I’m really excited to hear your perspective on this.

Leave a comment below and let me know your experience. The more specific you can be, the better. After all, something you share could make a profound difference to someone else in our community!

Thank you, as always, for reading, watching and joining in.

With all my summer love,

xo

Marie Forleo

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Read the comments or Add yours

Kristen the 20-Something Breakthrough Coach

Being an entrepreneur can definitely come with some criticism! But being judged or criticized for being authentically YOU (in your business and life) is far better than being INauthentic just so you can please everyone. And if you’re being authentic, you WILL attract people who think you’re freakin’ amazing.

Also, I love that Pink song!

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Darlene with BlogBoldly

“if you’re being authentic, you WILL attract people who think you’re freakin’ amazing.”

Well you definitely have a point there Kristen!

~ darlene :)

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Patti

So true, so true!!

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Lisa Robbin Young

I once had a coach that said if you’re busy wearing a mask to keep people from criticizing you, then they’ll never get to see the real you – which creates a bunch of resentment that only hurts YOU. Authenticity is critical.

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Laura G. Jones | Link to Yourself

That’s such a great point, Lisa! Besides, I’ve noticed people are much less likely to criticize and judge when you’re being authentic. I guess people feel worse about striking when you purposely have your guard down :)

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Ina

Oh Lisa, I love this! I’ve been feeling like boldness is another crucial component to this authenticity piece. To not just be yourself, but to boldly be yourself.

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Julie Barnes

I love that Ina! That is a huge piece… “to not just be yourself, but to boldly be yourself.

Toni

My background is corporate NY-a background that taught me to NEVER talk personally about what I really believe. Therefore, it has been really tough for me to just “do me.” I am now starting to write about myself in the blog, but I still find it difficult. However, I know that my purpose is to share my stories and because of Marie, I have been able to let my guard down slowly. She definitely inspires-I have another entrepreneur friend that just LOVES her :).

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Anna Rozierq

Such a great point Lisa!!

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Laura G. Jones | Link to Yourself

True, Kristen! One important thing I’m still learning is that, if you want to be great, you will antagonize people. The bigger your list of followers gets, the more critics you have. It’s just one of those things that you have to learn to live with.

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Emma Gwillim - Life By Design

Reminds me of a fave quote of mine: “the most exhausting thing you can do is be inauthentic” (Anne Morrow Lindberg)

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Emelia

Truth. If I’m going to be judged, it might as well be for the REAL me.

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Shola | The Positivity Solution

Good point, Kristen. Criticism is completely inescapable whether we’re the fakest phony walking the face of the earth, or the realest, most authentic person walking the face of the earth. So, given the choice, the only sane option (in my opinion) is to be criticized for being authentically and unapologetically real. Like Marie said, the harshest critics are “creative cowards” anyway. At least we have the courage to get in the game, risk harsh criticism, and most importantly attract people who think we’re freakin’ amazing. Let the haters hate. The rest of us have some serious creatin’ to do.

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Heidi Nicole, Life Coach

I’m adding it to my weekly playlist – way to pump up the jam!

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Sheryl Kurland

You are so right about attracting amazing people when you’re authentic…and those that criticize you are usually jealous.

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Neil

Dear Marie, all
One of your many male fans. I let people’s opinion meet effect what I do.
Not any more. I have just as much right as anyone else to do what feels right.
All the best to you,
Neil

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Jackiejoh

I loved how you wrote “INauthentic.” It made me think about what it means to be present (in) authenticness and how often criticism can trigger us to not be fully present in our own authority/Self. If we recognize that other’s criticism is not about us, we are less likely to be triggered and are more likely to be grounded in our own sense of authenticity.
xox

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Darlene with BlogBoldly

oh my!

We were just talking about this in my mastermind group.

This just happened to one of us.. and #3 and #4.

We decided staying the course and being true to our true self was more important than conforming to someone else’s opinion.

~ darlene
p.s. let’s not judge.. love it

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Lisa Robbin Young

For almost 15 years, I was afraid to take ownership of my life-long dream to be a performer. I was a single mom, and the idea was pretty crazy to my family, and most of my so-called friends.

So last year, I decided to take a stand and let it rip. Now, I’m about 50 songs into my goal of recording 300 songs this year. It’s NOT easy, and people STILL think I’m not even going to come close, but people who’ve actually listened to some of that music are cheering me on.

That’s when I realized that, as you said, Marie, the people who criticize you most are the ones who are most afraid. They’re not the ones out there actually trying to DO anything. The ones that ARE doing stuff are cheering you on, hoping you can do it because they see you as an inspiration.

Good stuff, Marie!

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Lisa Robbin Young

And that Pink song is one of the songs I recorded this year!

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Heidi Nicole, Life Coach

Criticism comes out because THEY’RE unhappy or dissatisfied in some way! It’s really THEIR problems and THEIR garbage.

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Anastasia

Loved your comment Lisa. It is very inspirational. It takes a lot of courage to follow your dream. Especially as in the beginning you can’t brag about any victories and when people ask you ‘when you are back to the real life’, you start to doubt yourself. I’m in the beginning now. So I deal with a lot of self- and other people’s critics. I’m very happy for you! Rock on!

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Lisa

Hey fellow, Lisa,
You inspire me! I’m a musician too. Thanks for posting about your passion and following it xoxo

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Sharon

i cheer for you too Lisa Robbin Young!

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Caroline Frenette Intuitive Leadership Coach

When you get your work out into the world you will definitely have criticism thrown your way.

Easy? No.

Part of me used to feel I needed to have a thicker skin but then I realized this was not totally accurate.

I wanna to be in a place -and most of all come from a place- of feeling totally confident about my gifts, my work, my talent.

From that place of inner well-being criticism doesn’t feel the same… It feels less judgemental and more neutral. And that, feels better to me.

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Heidi Nicole, Life Coach

Caroline, I used to feel the same. I felt that I was whining and saying “why do I let this affect me…?” or “why am I being such a baby about this…”. I almost sought out criticism in order to build up my tolerance – what a stupid way to attract energies into my life! Now I come from a place of confidence, knowing that I put my absolute best into any project or endeavor and I don’t let it affect me (nor do I become a baby about it).

Thanks!

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Emelia

Great advice, Marie. In complete agreement. I’ve recently taken the Brene Brown philosophy on this…basically, if you aren’t in the arena with me, screw your feedback. It’s easy for people to throw stones where they have nothing invested.

I’m still a work in progress with this but it sure as hell doesn’t take me down like it used to. ;)

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Megan

Lolololol! That sounds like living large. I like it. Get in my arena or get out!! I have had some people criticize me while frothing at the mouth – so angry – yet their criticism turned out to be very helpful, since others were too polite to tell me what their problem was.

After the smack down, I knew their insecurities and I could handle them a little gentler. For example, showing women they, their work, and their intelligence is respected and acknowledged is often required in a very overt way (between women) whereas many men generally get praised more often by society and don’t need that as much. They may need other things, but they often know their intelligence and worth is valued or they wouldn’t be there. Not knowing that most women would need me to say the words, made it really difficult to get things done. Without the criticism, I wouldn’t have known. It’s tricky. As long as the criticism isn’t getting you down – it might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

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Laura G. Jones | Link to Yourself

This used to be one of my big struggles. It’s not so much that I was afraid of criticism (yes, I was), but that I constantly had an “I’ll show you how wrong you are to judge me” attitude.

What I’ve learned over time is that, #1, you shouldn’t do things just to prove others wrong. You should do them to fulfill your own dreams. And #2, people judge you when you judge yourself AND when you’re afraid of them judging you. The mirroring effect is pretty strong.

The most important thing I learned, #3, is that what people think of you only reflects on them. It speaks nothing of you and what you’re doing and whether it’s right or wrong. Other people’s judgment is a reflection of their inner insecurities and hidden parts of themselves they refuse to deal with.

Your job is to keep on following their dreams, not worry about other people’s judgments :)

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Anastasia

Laura… great wisdom! 100% with you!

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Laura G. Jones | Link to Yourself

Thank you, Anastasia!

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Sandy Galiano

Laura,
Love it. The mirroring effect is so clear, direct…. it stands for who we are as individuals (owning our good nature and honoring that without judgment) as well as sends the message of what we choose to invite into our world.

Therefore, for those who wish to judge and be harsh, they might think twice before approaching a confident woman. And if they dare, we won’t succumb to that pettiness.

:)

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Laura G. Jones | Link to Yourself

Absolutely! Plus, letting ourselves be afraid of criticism and worrying about it is basically poisoning our minds. But we are the ones who choose what we focus on and worry about. So, as hard as it may be to accept, it’s really our choice to make ourselves miserable over other people’s criticism and judgment. We can just as well choose to let it go. It’s a hard lesson on the victim-happy ego, but it makes for a much happier life.

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sandy Galiano

yep :)

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Deepti

Excellent! Exact!Thanks for sharing and putting it so succicently!

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Emma Gwillim - Life By Design

Have fun on your summer retreat Marie and team….. Sounds fun!!! (Will check out instagram!)

It took me a while to recognise how ‘malleable’ I’d become in my role as people pleaser …. I didn’t (and still don’t) like criticism or negative opinion. I do take it to heart. I still do…. The best way I handle it is to question it. Is there any truth? If so, what can I take from it (and what can I leave behind…) and then decide to drop it or do it.

I was reminded of this by my husband who’d heard men criticising a fellow gym-goer for testing out his body-building competition poses in front of the mirror. The poor guy was getting criticised but hubby’s friend had the higher ground on this one: he applauded him for being so conscientious to something he obviously cared about, whether it brought him criticism or not. And added that spending time criticising other people is simply a distraction to focusing on your own goals and visions and how you can be brilliant in your own authentic way. All that from a gym session, hey!!

Don’t be distracted. Drop the criticism or do something about it.

Have fun x

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Marie Forleo

Love the gym story Emma, and your point about criticism of others being a distraction!

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Rebecca Fraser-Thill, the Quarterlife Coach

I’ve never met anyone who ISN’T afraid of criticism! That said, I’ve noticed that the people I know who are most fearful of criticism are the same people who are most critical of others. This makes sense from a psychological perspective: we tend to project our own thinking process onto others. So if we’re constantly nitpicking everyone around us, we assume everyone’s doing the same of us.

Given that, at the times that I’m feeling most fearful of criticism, I consciously screen my own thoughts to see how much judgment I’m putting out into the world. Lo and behold, if I rein in my own judgment of others, my fears of being criticized start to dissipate. Talk about change starting with yourself!

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Marie Forleo

NICE one Rebecca!

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Debra

I love this…..thanks

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Sofia Chiappetta

Wow, this was AWESOME, thanks for sharing that tidbit. I’m putting that one in my back pocket and taking it wherever I go!!!!

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Roshini

Wow Rebecca, this is AWESOME!! So true, I find that once I stop judging others for judging me… I feel so much better and calmer, more Zen.

And thank you Marie for yet another timely, amazing episode- I’ve been grappling with this issue for a while now and your episode couldn’t have come at a better time!

Much Love to you!!!

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Ree Klein

I love this episode! I haven’t received any crippling criticism…yet…but I’m armed and ready for it! I can’t wait for a few “haters” to show up on my site because that will mean that I’m making progress.

Thanks, Marie, for yet another powerful and inspiring vid. :)

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Cecilia

I am super sensitive to criticism and I’m sad to say that when I first started my business I did let it take me out. I had one client who was generally happy with our consultation but had one piece of criticism that upon reflection wasn’t even that harsh. I fixed the problem and she was happy, but the whole experience sent me into a tailspin and I lost all confidence in my ability to do my job. In fact, I didn’t do another consultation like hers for a year. Ouch!

Things are a bit better now, but I find it’s worse with things that I’m not fully owning.

I love Brene Brown’s article in O a couple months ago when she talks about just this. It gave me a new perspective.

ox
Cecilia

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Galina

Hi Cecilia!
I also can’t handle criticism. It hurts so much, numbs my brain so that I can’t think at all and just feel scared. I think it might have a lot to do with the childhood as well when I was always criticized by my grandma. Her best intentions didn’t really lead to a great relationship.

Have you had a childhood trauma related to the feeling of being criticized? Also, did you feel like that at school/ college?

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Cecilia

Hi Galina,
I’m sorry to hear that criticism is hard for you too. I am SO much better than I used to be. I used to take things personally that really had nothing to do with me, but I’m grateful that each time I deal with it, it’s a little easier. I really think it’s a practice thing, that and a lot of personal growth work! ;)

Let’s not even get into school. ;)

ox
Cecilia

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Toni

I agree, Brene’s article gave me the confidence I needed to write about myself personally.

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Cecilia

Hi Toni!
Wasn’t it great? I also really liked her interview with Jonathan Fields too, it’s nice and long. Such a relief to have her name feelings that are so universal. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd3DYvBGyFs

ox
Cecilia

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sandy

You aren’t alone. But it’s not the “criticism” that bothers me, per se. Fortunately or unfortunately I can pick up on the vibes of people. If I’m being criticized by a person because they are either jealous or want to see me fail, it scares me that I may just have to stop being associated with them. There are some people that you can’t reason with: many are the passive aggressive types: they do things pretending to be doing constructive criticism, but they are giving you the “side eye” at the same time. Sometimes this can be family and close friends. I’d rather not deal with them at all but then there is this thing called “life gets complicated”. Deep down I know and have experienced that it is lonely at the “top”. Your network of positive supportive people is “lateral” (expands to people who are not in your immediate environment. But it’s the vertical contacts(family members and significant others who are in your orbit with regularity and frequency) that poses a problem.

Try looking deeper than the “fear of criticism” and see if the fear is really about handling people who are close to you. It sure helped me to see this underlying fear.
Grrrr
Now what to do with it.

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Cecilia

Hi Sandy,
It’s hard to be a sensitive person, especially if you can feel the things other people aren’t saying.

I don’t know that it has to be lonely at the top, but you’re right that it might involve making some shifts in your friendships. I’ve done a lot of work to find and cultivate relationships with people who fully support me where I am but also know when to push me to be bigger which means a lot.

I’ve also learned which fears and accomplishments to share with my family and which ones not to. More often than not their criticism is coming from a place of fear because they don’t want me to get hurt or be disappointed.

Good luck finding your way through, it’s not easy but it’s a totally worthwhile journey. :)

ox
Cecilia

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Mimika Cooney

Why do we do it to ourselves? We have a dream, our passion and purpose are intertwined with our dreams. But we let others define us by allowing them to put their fears, their disappointments and their feelings onto us. So we have to look within and realize unless we live a fully expressed life, doing what we were born to do, we aren’t really living!
Throw caution to the wind and do what you were MEANT to do and forget about the critics!!!

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sandy

I hear ya Mimika. But there are unfortunately people right in the immediate environment that can cause problems. If you’re over 40 and have children and a partner, in some cases(not all) a change in your life such as dedication to your dream can cause family issues. I don’t have the stats right at my fingertips concerning the number of family dissolutions(divorces and separations) caused because of “money” and job related concerns: but it is high.
Let’s face it: for many to ignore folks is going to cause some ripples. There are many divorced entrepreneurs and those who have family issues as well. If you’re young you may not feel this; but it can be an issue for relationships. It’s often easier if children aren’t involved. Just saying that it’s not that simple. (life happens) Enjoyed your comment, however.

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Jenny

This video is one I might need to watch every day as a reminder! I have trouble with this because I constantly think people are judging me—even if they don’t say a darn tootin’ thing to me. I find that the only way I can move forward is to remember that I was given a talent and I need to share it. Not everyone will appreciate it but some people will and that’s what matters! Thanks for this video, Marie!

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Ryan - Comeback Academy

Marie,

I have to admit. I love dark chocolate. Can’t believe you just did that! I’m so offended!

JK. Case in point. I still totally love you whether you like dark chocolate or not :)

I have a client who is a dating matchmaker. She was telling me how she gets beat up in some of the Facebook groups in her niche.

I just told her that meant she was really making progress, that those weren’t here ideal clients and that her ideal clients (of which I am one) freaking love what she’s doing and how she’s doing it.

So bring on the criticism! It really just means we are really doing some great things. Thanks Marie.

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Danielle

So incredibly helpful. Thank you, Marie! If only I weren’t my biggest critic… :)

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Ritu | the lifester

OMG well said sister! There are about a hundred quotes in this post/video that I will use over and over again. Thank you for saying these things Marie. I have struggled with “haters” and critics since the moment I started coming out with my ambition and dream. I’ve blogged about it, I wrote about “wrestling with pigs” and tried to deal with my feelings of being hurt. This post sums up all my learning and more! Thank you!
(if anyone is interested, I wrote about my feelings about this hater here: http://thelifester.com/dealing-with-haters-aka-wrestling-with-pigs-a-quote-from-alan-kay/)

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Miss Sassy - Chief Sassiness Officer

Love this video Marie. The truth is none of us are perfect and we should embrace that. Boy, the world would be boring if we were. We’re all at different stages of our life and business and while I haven’t received any major criticism yet, I’m totally prepared that this something that will come as I grow my biz. You’ve provided some great strategies today for when that day arrives.

xo
Miss Sassy

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Ritu | the lifester

Here’s the full quote by the way….

‘Never wrestle with a pig – the pig enjoys the wrestling and you get dirty.’ So the saying goes… – See more at: http://frymonkeys.com/wrestling-with-pigs-and-monkeys/#sthash.Za7TdAho.dpuf

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Sylvia Dolson

If you enjoyed the quotes about daring greatly from Roosevelt, you will love Brené Brown’s book by the same title: Daring Greatly. It’s a must read for anyone. Changed my view of shame and shame resilience.

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Ash

I’m so glad someone asked this Q! I’m an actor and I have a lot of working coming out in the next few months on YouTube and Vimeo and I know I will see comments about my work. This video will definitely be a great reminder if I happen to read a less-than-flattering comment. Thanks!

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Ritu | the lifester

Good luck with the youtube/vimeo launch Ash!

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Lori | Simply Free Blogs

I LOVE this video! Thank you for always seeming to provide the wisdom I need just at the time when I need it! I fear criticism more than almost anything. I don’t know why I put so much stock into what others think of me, but it’s like a disease! You made so many great points that help me to come to terms with the fact that people will criticize, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to feel apologetic for what I do or try to do.

Let’s all go out there an unapologetically kick butt!!!

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Leonie

Yes I have faced harsh criticism and it really did knock me over for a while! When I was in the process of creating my book of positive and uplifting birth stories (Birth Journeys) I decided I needed and wanted informative articles from professionals to explain some of the ideas in the stories and provide information to support women in birth preparation. It was a big step putting myself and my dream out there to ask authors, midwives and birth ‘gurus’ to contribute to the book. Everyone I asked was generous, kind, helpful and beautifully supportive. hey were amazing and made me feel so humbled and honoured. Except one. This one person asked to see samples of the book (in a very raw state) and this one person told me my book was boring, dull, amateurish and would never make it. the feedback was unsolicited and it was harsh.

Wow that hurt. For a week or so.

Then I realised a few things.

First I needed to look at this feedback with less emotion and decide if there was anything valid here that could improve my work. The criticism made me even more committed to doing the best job we could within our means. We revisited our goals, our editing decisions and made sure we were getting plenty of feedback from the target audience.

Secondly, I realised this person did not GET the book, who it was for and why I was doing it. The purpose of the stories was to share the intimate details of different journeys to birth. My aim was to inspire, reassure and gently teach women about birth, and share positive stories, without telling them what to do. The details and imagery that other readers might find unecessary in a story is the info that pregnant women crave! They want to know what it will be like. They want the details. The most frequent feedback I had from pregnant readers during the process of putting together the book was “I want to know more!”

Part of coming back from this criticism was returning to the passion that drove me to collect stories, edit and compile a book in the first place. I knew that I was still passionate about this and that so many other women were behind me. I couldn’t let one person’s opinion stop me. So I had to put it behind me and keep going. I reminded myself that my original goal had been to make a difference to one woman so if I achieved this it was worthwhile and a success.

I sold out in 6 months and had to reprint :-)

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Marie Forleo

Leonie — I love this story, thank you so much for sharing it. This part in particular:

“I needed to look at this feedback with less emotion and decide if there was anything valid here that could improve my work. The criticism made me even more committed to doing the best job we could within our means. ”

HUGE congrats on selling out too!

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Doreen Dove

Great advice as always Marie…
And what is your #1 tip if you are your own worst critic??
I realize that second guessing yourself, your biz, your ideas and your dreams comes with the territory of building your own business. The peaks and valleys of self doubt do begin to level out over time, but what a waste of energy it is creeping out of the valleys! Are you just supposed to turn off the inner voice (the meek one) or just plain out yell it and forge ahead?
Best,
Doreen

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Marie Forleo

Hey Doreen! We have a whole series on self-doubt here:
http://www.marieforleo.com/resources/overcome/

Enjoy :)

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Helena

You are a hot mama Marie. LOVE the sense of humor and quirky cuts at the start and finish. YOU Go Girl!

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Jina

YES! Loved this video. Again, somehow exactly what I needed this week :)
I once heard myself say to some one else (you know how that goes when you’re all “What?! I said that?!”): don’t place value on what someone who is of so little value to you says. It’s easier to give advice but nonetheless, I think of it often!

Thanks again!
Jina

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Lynne

To answer your question, yes, I have faced quite a bit of criticism. I believe it does come largely from those who are afraid to leave their comfort zones of “normal life” and do something scary awesome. I started a modeling career at age 50. You think I heard a few naysayers? So what. I had the time of my life doing it.

One of the quotes that helped me through the criticism is, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.” People do tend to concern themselves far too much with others’ opinions.

Take a moment and be honest. From where are you drawing your identity and self-worth?

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Tara

Wow! That question to ask yourself is good stuff! I just thought about it for myself and I realized that I’ve put a lot of stock into what my family and people from my hometown think about me. Now I’m feeling more conscientious about where my identity and self-worth should really stem from. Thanks so much for that! :)

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Marty Ward, No BS Guide to Success

Great strategies here, Marie. Fear of criticism keeps us small and from sharing all that we have to offer. We are afraid we won’t be liked….I know I was. The irony is that often it is because we are not sharing that people don’t have enough of us to like. They want us to be authentic. Once we share and let the chips fall where they may, often we gain more respect from those around us. They see we really do have something to offer. Friendships are made.

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Melissa Lanz

Ah, Marie. I just dig your scene.
And your hair is fabulous.

I ‘ve been hard wired my whole life to absorb critical input but the idea that truly successful people don’t negatively criticize has just set me free.

People in the arena inspire, uplift and create. Thank you for the reminder.

One of my favorite quotes, “Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at; please be patient.”

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Marie Forleo

LOL! Love that last line Melissa :) And thank you on the hair.

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Heidi Nicole, Life Coach

Oh that’s an amazing quote! Love it!

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Marinda

Haha, that’s last line is awesome!

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Jess Gronholm

Most of the criticism I’ve received over the past few years has come from people who are afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid that the more you break from convention and create something new – the less relevant they and their ideas become. And this scares the hell out of them.

Always be clear on who you want to attract. Chances are your critics will NEVER fall into this
group. I learned that from Marie :)

Thanks Marie!

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Marie Forleo

Did I really share that with you Jess or are you pulling my chain? :) Also, go get a Gravatar so your handsome pic will show up when you comment and more people can get on the Dirty Yoga train!!

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Jess Gronholm

This is a blast from the past – but you actually ‘shared’ this message with me and other members in a GF class at Union Square about 6 1/2 years ago. At the end of class you were promoting your book “Make Every Man Want You” and encouraging members to be clear on what they want to attract. Never know what you’ll learn in a Chisel class these days :)

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Asenath | PR on Purpose

Marie, darling,

Long time no watch but what a breath of fresh air this morning. I avoid criticism like the plague, and used to actually think it meant something about me. Now, the opinion thing is more true than ever. It is one of those “thanks for sharing, now buzz off and get a life,” kind of things. My biggest struggle remains the inner critic, Fo’ Sho!!! Time and forward action with a healthy dose of kick-ass for the people I serve are the only things I find that get me through this.

Thank you for this fabulous reminder! I will be tuning in more often. :) You’ve got me!!!

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Marie Forleo

Great to have you back Asenath!!

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Ana Verzone (Neff)

My VA accidentally posted a “swipe file” which was a trial design modeled exactly after another program. It was NOT supposed to actually be used! It was to see how things would look with my words and my photos etc but then was to be combined with other things we came up with for an original. Suffice it to say, within less than an hour of her posting it, it was blasted by the other person’s fans and I was strongly criticized and my character was being marred.

Within minutes I emailed the person directly and explained what had happened – after, of course, immediately having my VA pull the wrong file and post the correct one. This other coach, in turn, went online and deleted all the nasty Facebook posts that were popping up, reminding people to play nice. She assured me all was well, that she was too busy to worry about it further knowing that it was an honest mistake, and just gave me a huge hug last night when we finally met in person (who’s the badass? Molly Mahar;)

I had also called two of my mentors, who helped me remember that I had no mal-intent and that I did the right thing (and they had contacted her as well). One of my mentors said, “Ana, mistakes like these are important because they are ones you will never repeat!”

It was a horrific moment in my career, my heart thumped deeply in my chest and I was so scared no one would believe me. There were some of her fans who gave me the benefit of the doubt, and for them I am grateful.

In the end, I realized that what was most important to me was knowing that I had made an honest mistake (vowing to NEVER let that happen again) and that the other coach herself knew that as well.

What would I have done if no one believed me? I suppose I’d sit firm with the first truth of me knowing that at least I did the right thing with the right intention, and that in the end, my character and integrity would come through.

It made me realize that indeed, as you grow more successful, more people notice not only your amazing creations, but also your mistakes. I learned so many things – about how to prevent big mistakes like that one, how scary it is to be marred online and to vow to not do that to anyone else, and how important it is to stand in integrity, because that is what carries me through in the end.

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Marie Forleo

Awesome story Ana – thank you so much for sharing it in such detail. We ALL make mistakes and it sounds like you all handled this one like loving pros!

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Michelle Spalding

We crave authenticity in people yet many judge them for being so.

GREAT reminder to us all that following our intuition and passion to achieve our dreams is entirely up to us.

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Nicola Evans

oh my goodness Maria, are you PSYCHIC??!! Today of all days I get this email from you – wow. I mean WOW.
I’m starting a new wedding venue business in the UK and the criticism I have had from people objecting to my plans has been HUGE. Today we were up in front of the planning (zoning) committee for our approval and there were dozens of protestors with placards, local journalists and tv news cameras. We have a recommendation for approval which has been delayed another month but all day I have been fielding requests from local journalists for comments/interviews etc. Yuck.
And then I get this from you.
Thank you. Really.

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Marie Forleo

Hey Nicola! I’m so very happy this video showed up for you at the right time ;) (Also, it’s Marie vs. Maria — happens all the time!)

Trust that the BEST thing for you and the new business will happen. Keep taking the high road and stay strong.

xo

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Stephanie

Marie, this is such a timely post for me! I have to thank you for playing a part in the changes I’ve been making in the last several months. I just started a blog last week, because I decided, eff it, I will put myself out there. I am doing it mostly to just show myself that being me is a good thing and that if people are rude to me or don’t like me, its not going to kill me, right? :)

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Eileen Anglin

Marie……you have no idea how timely this was for me. Thank you, you are awesomesauce..

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Marian Knowles

Marie,
Just this morning I caught myself internalizing criticism of my capabilities and you called me on it in your video today. OK, I know the video wasn’t made just for me, but that’s the way it felt! Here goes:

I don’t confuse criticism with my personal character. Even harsh criticism may contain a pebble of truth, so I’m not afraid to pick it up and turn it over to see if there is anything I can use to make my career or life better. For me, I took the capabilities criticism that I received and realized that I wanted to be a CEO of my own business and so I stepped off the Fortune 100 corporate marketing Merry-Go-Round after 25 plus successful years and I am now building a business that comes from my own creative brain. It’s still a work in progress, but I feel like my best self now.

Thank you and keep doing what you are doing. Can’t wait to see what you and your Team create at the Retreat!

Best regards,
Marian

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Marie Forleo

Love what you shared, and thanks so much for this Marian — I’ll tell the team our beloved viewers (you!) are excited for our newest creations.

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Laura Wallis

Just LOVE this episode, Marie. It is so hard sometimes to hear criticism, but the risk of being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is ALWAYS outweighed by the power of truly connecting and helping others achieve their goals and dreams. If you come from a place of truly serving others, and are true to your mission and vision, then deflecting the criticism becomes easier.

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Jacqueline Fisch

All the time! When I adopted a vegan diet everyone suddenly became an expert and nay-sayed everything I did. Adopted a gluten-free diet and people said the same thing.

I learned to stop preaching + radiate. Answer questions when asked, and avoided imposing my opinions (everyone’s got one!) on un-wanting subjects.

A BIG shift happened when I did this. People who wanted to hear what I had to say asked questions, people started listening!

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Maria

Hi Marie,

Have fun in your business retreat! My experience is that criticism comes in many different forms, including subtle ones that seem more like concern rather than criticism.

For example: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Statements like that may be framed as honest concern but most of the times they are criticism in disguise. And that is fine. People are allowed to have different opinions and different levels of comfort.

What hurts most of us is that just like dark chocolate did in your video, we let this hurt our feelings or increase our self-doubt.

Let’s bounce back fast;)

Cheers!

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Helenah

This is great advice, but I just wanted to add that all criticism isn’t bad. Sometimes, it’s a gift. People rarely tell you honestly what they think (instead they just talk about you when you’re not there), so when they do, I think it’s important to stop and consider if this might be useful feedback. Of course, it all comes down to how a person expresses it, but sometimes even clumsy criticism can contain useful information. I think to be successful, you need to be able to brush off irrelevant criticism, but also make good use of when people are giving you an outside perspective.

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Marie Forleo

ABSOLUTELY Helenah!!!!!!!!!

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Carmen I.

I agree. There is a big difference
between your Gestalt is not working
and I hate pink. So, my perfectionism
is always receptive to constructive
criticism because when you love what
you do you always want to produce the
very best. In matters of opinions it’s really
hard to please everybody so as long as
you know your customer avatar, it wouldn’t
matter that much, but it’s always good to
know where the comments are coming from.

I’m fortunate to have friends who think highly about
me and are very supportive with their words
and that really helps a lot :)

“Love me and I will stay in your heart.
Hate me and I will stay in your mind”
~Shakespeare

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Terri

BEST video advice ever! Just as I am about to start on new projects and really put myself out there, this was perfect to watch and take in the message! Thank you Marie!

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Kimberly

Fear of criticism and judgment is something I’ve struggled with a fair amount. It’s kept me from discussing my business dreams and aspirations with my closest friends, which is unfortunate, because when you’re doing something you love and are excited about, you want to share it with those closest to you. But sometimes those who love us the most are invested in our staying the same. To combat this, I found mentors online and elsewhere who get what I do and applaud/encourage it, and who I can count on for advice and guidance — for example, this very video! : )

My heartfelt desire is to play a bigger game with my business, and I’m fully aware that the more I do that, the more criticism I’ll get. The resistance I feel around playing a bigger game is a sign to me that that’s exactly what I must do though, so it’s time to buck up and gird the ol’ loins. ; )

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Brenda Tuite

I was devastated when a couple of local ‘business people’ criticized a feature of my business (donating 10%+ of net profits to a specific charity) 1 year ago.
What was so shocking to me was how differently they saw giving to charity. I always thought giving this way was a good thing to do, particularly when the charity has an impeccable record of using funds wisely. Not for this particular group of 4 or so individuals. Like red to a bull, they berated any company for giving to charity, and the endless needs of charities as if donating was like giving to some bottomless pit. And that my company was somehow going to gain more than the charity by trying to piggy-back off their good name.
I took it to heart and it was heart-breaking at the time, but I chose to forgive them and set them free.. What helped me so much was hearing Marianne Williamson say “Few things bring out the darkness in people: Your darkness, but also your light”. I bring 100% of my “light” to my business and fully appreciate that this is exactly what made these people act like apes on that particular day.

Interestingly, something strange happened in the last 4 weeks: I found out these same ‘business people’ are actually not so hot / successful on the business front with their own businesses. Seems worth noting + it’s something Marie mentions in the vid; It’s so easy for lazy people to point out where your short-comings are. Best to listen to constructive helpful criticism from people who are actually trying to/ have accomplished useful/loving things in the world.
Also what really helped me was another episode of Marie where she says ‘It’s hard to judge someone who’s happy and making a living doing what they love!’ God bless her!!

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Cindy

I have been my own worst critic! I have had success in my life but, a few years ago I had a business fail and it shattered me. I slipped into a deep depression and my once positive self talk, became absolutely toxic. I would never speak to anyone the way I was speaking to myself. I pulled out of it after several months and created more success. I thought I had put it behind me, but earlier this year I experienced another deep pothole in the road of my life. I slipped back into my depressed state and again there was a big cloud over my life and I harshly judged myself. Why?!!! Good thing I truly am as strong as my friends would have me believe. I understand that we are all here to learn and this is just a learning experience……and these experiences are leading me to a new career path.

Thanks!

Cindy
Author/Artist/Alchemist

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melinda

Amen Sista!
The late great acting teacher Michael Shurtleff once told me
“If you realized just how little everyone actually thinks about YOU- you wouldn’t worry about it at all. Most people are way too interested in themselves.” That helped me Dare Greatly in my work.

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Sheila Mac

The best way to deal with criticism is to have healthy boundaries around who you allow into your life. There are people who will build you up, and if you inquire as to ways in which to improve will not give “criticism” but rather FEEDBACK that is appropriate and beneficial.

Notice all the people who have “made it” in your definition, whatever that is. You will always notice that they surround themselves with other people who are as successful if not more successful than they are.

It is the friends we keep, our circle of influence which most often shapes and defines who we are today as well as the mirror of what our “success, bank account, waist-line, etc… will look like” in the future.

So, if you find you are around those who are constantly picking at you – it may be time to send them love and carry on.

As always I wish you,
“Life, Love, Laughter, and Light!”
–Sheila

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Brankica

This is my favorite video so far. Out of all the amazing ones you made. Not only I used to have the same problem like the person asking the question but I started solving it using the same logic you present here. However, I didn’t solve it completely so this is helping a lot to go over that last hurdle I am facing with worrying about other people’s opinions. I think I need to replay it a few more times just to make sure I memorize each word in case I ever start questioning myself again :)
PS. Love that Pink! song and I can’t believe you don’t like chocolate. Have you ever tried Milka Noisette chocolate?
Thanks for the awesome video :)

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Marie Forleo

Ha ha — I do like milk chocolate — which I totally know is not nearly as healthy as the dark kind!! And of course, I love brownies and most forms of “cakey” chocolate :)

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Brankica

OK, you calmed me down now :) I was worried there for a second!
Same chocolates I like, and brownies and chocolate cake and cakey chocolate and I don’t like dark one either. Sorry, dark chocolate, for hurting your feelings, lol.

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Monique

Hello Marie,

- This is the first video I watch and get tears in my eyes. I stop it for a moment, because I do not want to cry every times like I used to be. Through time your message has changed and encouraged me alot.
It struck my core, when I see this video, and finally understand where all my struggles have come from and know it now, quite a bit late, what I should do. Thanks for your recommendations of your life changed books as well.
An incredible video. Hugs Marie

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Marie Forleo

Sending you huge hugs back Monique. And, it’s NEVER too late :)

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Susan Harrow

At my last Vision Board workshop, a couple questioned me right before my opening speech, saying they weren’t sure this was what they wanted, they already had vision boards and they were hoping this workshop would take them to the next level. Since it was past time for the workshop to start, I mistakenly invited them to stay for my opening talk, hoping I could chat with them after that to find out what they meant. They spent the whole time during my talk looking at me with that bored, you-don’t-know-what-you-are-talking-about, we-already-know-this look and my speech was not what I would have liked it to be. I looked for them after that and they had taken off quickly. Hmpffff.
However, I went on to have the most successful workshop I have given so far, with lots of interaction and personal coaching. And from their critical appraisal, I taken the question to heart for myself…..what does it mean to take it to the next level? I’m expanding the concept of Visionary Living daily!

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Amanda

Great video post Marie! As an graphic designer/ artist growing up, criticism/ critiques are just a fact of life. When I was younger I took it more personally but now critiques help give me another perspective. In the end, my work usually turns out better. Always good to be reminded/ remember everyone has a opinion even when you may not agree.

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Heidi Nicole, Life Coach

Hi Everyone!

I also think that authenticity is a key factor in overcoming criticism. The more you can be yourself, the less you’ll probably care about “the haters”.

As I have been able to build my business, there have been many critics (even from people I love). “Is this really viable?” “Life coaching sounds kinda fluffy.” But for me, there has been power in those words. Because now I just want to prove them wrong. When I really believe in something and I am authentic about it (without being in-yo-face!) I feel like I cannot fail and therefore the criticism just seems to dissipate over time because my radiating confidence took over that energy. The criticism doesn’t totally go away of course. People do judge and I’m also of the opinion, that’s there problem and not mine.

Judgement, defensiveness and criticism usually comes from a places of dissatisfaction or being unsettled – so in the end, THEY’RE not happy with something in their lives and it comes out as them telling you what’s wrong with yours! (DANG, that should be a tweetable!)

I love your work Marie and darn that hair is freaking fantastic!

Heidi xx

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Lidija

Great advice…as always..
I’m sending love to all critics…. My love is stronger then criticism. Everyone can criticize…but everyone can’t go to thier dreams and express authenticity, no matter what…
xoxo

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Africa Archield

Loved! Loved! Loved the comment – most critics are creative cowards. So true, Marie!

The last person who criticized me really came across as super nasty. She looked at my website and didn’t like, well, everything. It was her opinion. The colors and word choice were not to her taste. However, mixed deep in all of that was also some concrete things for me to think about to market more effectively. — I always look for the gold nugget in criticism. In my experience, it is rare that everything stated is just BS.

Love the advice to really look to those you admire and are doing something with their lives. I realize as I gain more visibility, there will be more critics and all-out personal attacks. I think I still will glance for the gold nugget in each interaction with creative cowards, and seek out the gold nugget if my interaction was from someone I admire.

Thanks for an awesome video, Marie! Enjoy the slumber party!

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Alexis Meads

I can totally relate to this question! One of the most difficult things about becoming an entrepreneur is knowing that you’re going to be SEEN which means also being judged and criticized. I get over this more and more every day as I put myself out there and hear amazing feedback, but it can be tough as you build your confidence in what you offer and feel like a fraud. Even with advanced degrees and certifications I still feel like this sometimes.

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Maia @AstridaNaturals

Oh man this is timely!

I recently had an experience where a customer gave some pretty harsh feedback about one of my products. She even went so far as to say she’d never purchase from me again!

I was shocked and devastated. My initial thought was to pull the product and never make another because it wasn’t good enough. Then I realized that was impulsive and since I’m creating in a subjective area (fragrances) I’d have to deal with the fact that not everyone is going to love every scent I make. What really hurt was that feeling I dropped the ball with expectations. I replied to the customer expressed that I accepted the feedback but wanted her to walk away with a good experience. I sent a replacement and she loved it!!

What I took away is not to be afraid of criticism. Even if your first reaction is to recoil, don’t. It can really be disguised as an opportunity to improve.

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Marie Forleo

AWESOME story Maia. I adore how you handled this one!

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Jennifer

This one hit close to home, Marie! Your responses are so encouraging.

You’re so right…people who are successful and crushing it don’t take time to criticize nastily. They’re too busy creating! Between Jonathan and I, we’ve published novels, children’s books, had solo painting exhibitions, created an iPad app and now have launched a line of modern art prints for kids. Have we been criticized? Of course! But we haven’t let it stop us.

Thanks for all of your encouragement! I appreciate you!

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Kristin

Saw this great tweet from @austinkleon this morning and it resonated: “Simple point worth repeating: people will hate your work for all the same reasons other people will love it.”

Finding that every day, being a woman in motorsports. The more you challenge the status quo, the louder your critics get. Don’t let them drown out the praise from your supporters!

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Marie Forleo

Love that quote Kristin, so darn true.

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Jayne Anne

This reminds me of one of my new favorite quotes from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly:

The phrase Daring Greatly is from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, Citizenship in a Republic. This is the passage that made the speech famous:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly . . .”

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Jessica

Great episode and wonderful quotes!! I think the key to not caring about criticism is to drown out all voices but your own. I’ve found it is easiest to do that when we are pursuing our call in life because that is when, if we are honest with ourselves, we are the most truly confident. We only doubt ourselves when we let other voices in. When we allow our call to be the north star to our life’s journey, all other points of view that do not lead us in that direction become landscape. How do I do that? It’s hard! Meditation helps me get in tune with the call and pursuing it keeps it active in my vibration. It’s a daily struggle though and I’m glad to learn that there are others out there fighting the good fight with me!!

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Jessica

I just remembered a quote from Bishop T.D. Jakes (LOVE him) that applies to this. I can’t remember it verbatim, but essentially it’s something like – “Remember that when you are walking up the stairs, the squeaky step is the one you just left.” Brilliant!

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Elly Klein

Oh no, Marie! I think I sent you dark chocolate along with the copy of my book, Men Are Like a Box of Chocolates.

What chocolate DO you like? I might need to know for next time. ;-)

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Catherine

I think it comes down to character. Someone who is mature and grounded can recognize when they’re overstepping boundaries while being critical and use some self-control to rein themselves in.

I think it’s also a matter of discernment versus judgement. My coworker and her husband decided that her being a stay at home mom wasn’t for them. That’s great – I don’t want to have to make that decision for them. But the husband going on and on about what a terrible decision being a stay at home mom is, in front of me who has chosen that path? Kinda judgey, but I appreciate it too because it’s a great sign that they are not the people for me.

I think we’re still transitioning from that old-fashioned, small-minded notion that you are stuck with the people around you, and you’d better put up and shut up to survive, to a freer way of associating with like-minded people.

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Mridu Parikh

Great strategies Marie. Fear of criticism keeps us from sharing all that we have to offer. We’re afraid we won’t be liked or that someone else is better than us. Always need to remind ourselves that if we are our own authentic selves, criticism means nothing! :)

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Lacey

I once had a colleague tell me he couldn’t stand me because I’m “such a f*#@ing optimist”. Really? That’s the best you can do? I know he meant to say that he thinks I will fail because I am naive, inexperienced and too much of an idealist… but that’s his opinion and could not be further from the truth. I wear his comment like a badge of honor. Hell yes I’m an optimist.
Ironically, he has been in the same position for 35 years and is miserable while I am opening my 3rd business this year because I am such a f*#@ing optimist.
You just have to take that criticism, spin it, and use it to your advantage.

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Ina Sahaja - Embodied Sanskrit for Yoga

I don’t receive nearly as much criticism as praise, however it always seems to be the criticism that I take most seriously! My best experience in coping with criticism are to return to the Four Agreements,
(specifically 2 & 4)

Don’t take anything personally
Always do your best

Of course, sometimes there IS a lot to learn from people who have less-than positive feedback — even if it is masked by an appallingly harsh delivery!
I am constantly setting the intention (and following through) to be resilient: to learn what I can, not take it personally, and ALWAYS do my absolute best.

For every one person who doesn’t like what you’re doing, there are at least 10 who are absolutely thrilled you are in the world doing that thing you do!

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judex jones

That ep was soo good, I had to watch it twice:) Noice.
Signed Recovering Teacher

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Jessica MacIntyre

This is great! Perfect timing too as I just wrote a blog post about judgement and how the most important quality a writer needs to have is empathy. It’s essential for creativity. Being a judgemental person will kill your creativity. As Marie so aptly said, the creative and talented people are too busy creating to tear anyone else down.

Would love to see you all on my blog as well! Click my name to have a looksee. :)

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Tara

“Hey hey we’re the Monkees, people say we monkey around but we’re too busy singing to put anybody down!” -The Monkees :D

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Madeleine

This video hit home in so many ways. I just left a marriage to a man who criticized me constantly. He would criticize and try to make me think I was wrong about things he clearly knew nothing about, things I obviously knew way more about than he.

Thing is, all this criticism was coming from a man who was too afraid to pursue his own passions because he couldn’t let go of the financial security his current work gave him. But he was an ardent environmentalist working for a company that made diesel engines! Just another precious nugget of clarity.

That’s what I love about you, Marie. You think you’re giving people advice for creating a business they love, but it’s also great advice for life in general.

No matter where you are or what you’re doing, just gotta let go of the haters. Thanks so much!

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Stephanie
Tatiana Escalada

I think this is now one of my favorite Marie TV episodes, it’s hard to choose one. they’re all so good but this one is almost better than dark chocolate ;-) LOL

This hits so close to home being the hypersensitive hyper creative person that I am, I must confess it has stopped me on my process more times than I want to admit maybe because I am my harshest critic.

However I’ve learned through the years a few things that help me get over my fear of criticism:

1. No matter what you do or don’t do you’ll always have critics. Think about it do you know a single person that no one criticizes in the tiniest bit? If you do that’s person that doesn’t do very much with his of her life! Wow, I don’t even know that person and I’m already criticizing, LOL.

2. If you get it from your mother what else can expect from the rest of the world? LOL! Has your mother never criticize you, even in the sweetest ways possible?

3. Like Marie says it’s a human condition and that’s unavoidable no matter whether you play it small or big. You’ll always get it. So it’s best to get it when you’re playing your best game.

4. 9.99 times out of 10 you’ll get more positive feedback from people who appreciate what you do than criticism.

5. I have learned to separate my actions from who am, meaning just because I screw up more often and in bigger ways than I would like, (BTW: I recently lost all my hard earned money and assets over 1.3 million, due some bad investments decisions I made) that doesn’t mean I’m bad, a loser or unworthy, it simply means I’m human I make mistakes and will keep making them, hopefully different ones ;-)

6. And last but not least, when you know deep in your heart you are giving your all and best, that’s a triumph that no tiny criticism can take away from you.

Big virtual hug to you Marie for always being brave enough to give your all and best.

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Sherry Strong

Brilliant post Marie! So relevant. I’ve gone through a few months after stretching myself of buckling to the criticism of others and your insights were a fabulous reminder to keep going. I loved that you shared that you still are mindful of this while producing new content and I realized that I’ve been holding back for this reason. NO MORE! Thank you as always and Congratulations! on the award. Not sure if you knew but I was last years recipient of the Best Daughter in the Universe Award, from my mother ;-)

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siri jostad

hey…loved today. Your videos…absolutely full of value. Do you have that long Teddy Roosevelt quote somewhere? I’d like to share it with some people..namely my entrepreneur husband. Thank you.

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Jayne Anne
Melodee Forbes

I love love love this episode!!!

Super encouraging!

I was sharing with a potential client that my product or service wasn’t right for everyone. She replied and told me that I was arrogant. She also shared with one of her colleagues what I had shared with her and they agreed that I was arrogant.

I was baffled by it and apologized. I’ve never been called arrogant in my entire life and so I asked four people that knew me well if I ever came across “arrogant” and if I’ve ever made them feel inadequate or inferior ever? They all told me no not at all. Then, I had one wise friend share with me, “Melodee, sometimes, people confuse arrogance with confidence” and boy did that help set me free. :)

With that said, I’ve had to fight against the thought of — “What if people think you’re arrogant?” This video helped me so much! Opinions are not much! Thank you! xo

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Alyona

Very actionable and pretty helpful. And bonus points for citing Pink!

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Galina

I can’t believe there are people who criticize Marie TV!!!

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Sandy Galiano

Great Episode Marie,

I’m the kind of gal that gets back on the horse, despite the harsh criticism of others.

I’m not gonna lie though… I have a hard time getting through my own criticism. Hey, I was even doing it today about “You should’ve…You could’ve….You would’ve…” We all strive to “get somewhere” and it takes a daily effort to recognize we are exactly where we need to be. I do this. Every day I look around at what I have and am so thankful. Then I work out, yoga for relaxing and cardio for letting out the frustrations.

Peace!

Sandy

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Sue Pyper

I am just starting out promoting my fine art (pet portraits) – I have had a lot of encouragement, but I really want to make a living from it. A lot of my artist friends have been wonderful and inspiring, but I have had a few of remarks from other artists, because it seems that it is not “real” art if you want to make money from it or be “commercial”, especially something like pet portraits. I LOVE what I do, but sometimes I feel “less” for wanting to take it out into the world. After listening to you video, I realize it says more about them than me or my talent.

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Lisa

As a highly sensitive person, I really felt called to watch this video, to see if there were any tips about how to deal with criticism.

During the past 6 months of launching my first book, I’ve had a few take the time to write about how they disapprove of me in some way. It hurt me deeply and it did make me lose about 1-2 days or a week here and there…where all I could do is lay on the couch. Yet, I still sprung back and kept on going, eventually finding my wings again.

When it comes to biz stuff, I have been able to handle criticism much better than my personal life. I know the two are related, but I get really hard on myself if I make someone mad or challenge them. Oh, I have come a long way, but I still have a ways to go.

I’ve realized with my book journey that I can’t make everyone happy and not everyone is going to like me…but that is okay. I smiled recently when I realized that I never have wanted everyone to like me and I’ve never wanted to be one of the “cool kids.” Liberating :-)

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Megan Cutter

Wow- your video resonated with me!

As a writer, receiving criticism can be the worst, but it’s part of the job. And I have found many of my friends who are also writers struggle with criticism as well. We spend so much energy putting our creation out there, and we want the world to take notice (and let’s face it, like it).

Recently, my husband and I published our first memoir, Ink in the Wheels: Stories to Make Love Roll (http://www.inkinthewheels.com). To create the change we envisioned for the world, we knew we had to tell our story, our truths. We were open and vulnerable in ways neither one of us expected. We knew some people would think it’s awesome and some people would think it’s awful.

At first, my husband didn’t want to write our story because he didn’t just want a love story, he wanted something with depth, that could make an impact in our community. And then at times we each held back, not wanting to offend others (or each other). So grateful for our editor who called us out on it, asked us to tell the real story. And no matter what people think or don’t think, it’s making the impact beyond what we could have imagined!

While I still struggle with the child within that wants to people please, I come back to the part of me that knows I can’t hide who I am, I can’t be perfect all the time, and there’s a vision that is greater than I can comprehend. And it helps having an amazing husband who can just put it all out there and soar! I am still learning, but am finally accepting the words on my wings.

Thanks for your tips today! Great reminders that I am sure I will come back to!

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Boma

I have not faced criticism because I avoided it and lived very carefully. And I am tired of living this way. I feel numb.

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Boma

And I love that Pink’s song

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Marissa

So spot on. Needed to hear this. I recently presented to a big group of people and was blindsided by one persons criticism to my work. It took me out for at least a week in all facets of my life. I wanted to run away from the project and be done with it, and I had that opportunity. Instead I made a decision to stick it out, and I pushed harder, and the results were better then I could have imagined. I can carry my head high knowing I came through this experience a better person and business woman. If I would have crawled under the table and cried (like I wanted to) and quit the project, I would have regretted it my whole life and had that defeated feeling.

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Tracy - Professional Fire Starter at Ignite Your Life

Fantastic blog Marie!

It is exactly what I needed today as I am working toward launching my new business and website this August. I’ll be out there like I never have before. I just started owning the title Professional Fire Starter and it makes me giggle every time I say it. However I know some people will roll their eyes.

I have had harsh criticism in the past and it stung. When people said mean things it used to slow me down and suck me under for awhile but now I almost expect it and exactly for the reasons you mentioned. People are envious or jealous sometimes when they see you living your dream or openly sharing your ideas and they lash out because they want to be big too but they don’t have the guts. You are right it is easier to sit on the sidelines and boo, it’s way harder to get out there and take the tackles.

I am learning to be Teflon and just let the negativity slide off me like slime. The day came when I realized that expressing my ‘one wild and precious life’ (Mary Oliver) was what I was here to do and when I did it in my special way there would be so many people who would be helped, inspired and show up to play with me i.e. I’d end up surrounded by amazing like minded people, just like you say you have with your team. The critics or the fear of criticism just doesn’t matter anymore. All the best!!!

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wilber

Hi
This type of criticism is refered to vituperation which is very dangerous and pours very ice-cold water on brilliant ideas.
Don t giveup this will result into perfection.

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Tifanie

Marie,

I love that you brought up that Pink song. I think the same thing every time I hear it – totally reminds me of the entrepreneurial journey.

“Gotta get up and try…”

:) Tifanie

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Jehrin Alexandria

I enjoyed this post in terms of sweet ideas. The quotes to me were from people who had lived through this experience of being harshly criticized and persevered and made it to the other side.
What of the people who don’t and why don’t they and what hope is there for them. What if I find myself in the position as being critical of others. Of being critical of my critics, defending myself. It takes a lot of energy and is painful at best. I have found a process that works so well, questioning my stressful beliefs. Rather than give myself a feel good pep talk that does not last for long as the same emotions/feelings come up “the next time”. It is called The Work of Byron Katie. It is a simple process of asking four questions and turnarounds. It takes minutes and brings about true personal insight from the the one who really knows you, You. Then when I think someone has criticized me I realize there are no real critics just my own thoughts being projected onto others. When this turnaround happens I see all as a genuine gift. Helping to point the way for me.

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Amy Zoe

This post is right on time for me!

I’ve been putting myself and my blog content out to the world since the end of March and have been feeling really good about it. At long last, I feel like I’m doing the life-work I’m suppose to be doing.

What’s been tough, is some of the people that I would have anticipated to support my efforts have been nothing short of lack-luster in response to my launch.

I wouldn’t necessarily say they’ve gone as far as to be verbally critical, but there has been a definite “cooling” in our relationship since I’ve launched my endeavor. Now, I feel an underlying tension in our conversations whenever I talk about what I’m working on. It is disheartening.

I recognize part of the issue is my own insecurity. If I were feeling an abundance of confidence, I don’t think other people’s reactions (or lack thereof) would phase me as much. I definitely feel like a novice in many respects, but recognize that this feeling is inevitable because I’m presenting myself to the world in a whole new way.

I have to keep reminding myself that my job right now is to present my work and find my audience. This may very well mean letting go of relationships founded in old ways of being, to make room for people who are better aligned with the person I am today.

I feel in my bones that I have finally found my place professionally and I won’t turn back now.

Thank you for all you do! Amy Zoe

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Marcy Criner

Thanks Marie! I needed this! I actually had an old mentor of mine email me and say that even though she subscribed to my list and thought what I was doing was awesome stuff, she had too many emails to get my one! weekly email update. Seriously? This STUNG! Then I remembered Potatoes gonna potate and haters gonna hate….and said to myself… You are putting yourself out there and all you can do is keep on keeping on. Torch lit, desire in place, and smile on my face. I am a creator.

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Michelle Sears

I have definitely noticed that the people who criticize the most are the ones doing the least with their own life.

It’s very true that the people who are out here doing great and wonderful things with their own life don’t have time to criticize another, they’re too busy critiquing and tweaking themselves.

I’m happy to be a part of the second group. I do get criticized and I don’t really enjoy it but it doesn’t stop me from doing what I’m doing.

I remember once that I made up some flyers to host a spa day and I spelt massage wrong. I put message instead of massage and I didn’t even realize it. The flyers were already hung up and out for the public to see. Nothing I could really do about it now.

My sister-in-law called me and I could barely hear what she was saying because she was laughing so hard about it. She was trying to tell me where I messed up but she was laughing so hard she could hardly spit it out.

Not cool. But hey that has only made me push harder and I can tell you she’s not laughing anymore.

Cheers!
Michelle

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Kathryn - Collage Diva

This was a great episode and timely too. I’m just spreading the wings of my creative business and so far the feedback I get feels like a lot of sugar thrown my way. While I appreciate the love, it isn’t always that helpful. My husband has warned me that as I grow to be prepared for criticism. Thanks again for this episode! The ideas and perspectives will definitely help when I get stung.

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Elle

I can’t believe the timing of this topic. I am currently trying to publish my first travel photography book, through Kickstarter, as well as starting my own business. The people I thought would be enthusiastic and supportive have been nothing but negative towards my ideas and goals.

Its so sad how jealousy can ruin what was once a valuable friendship. I have been super positive and confident (with of course inner feelings of fear and self doubt) and it just seems that the more bubblier and excited I am about my future, the more certain friends knock me down – yet when I am low, down and doubting myself, they are all bubbly and happy.I agree with Amy above, the “cooling” period from friends is so apparent, its frightening.

Im going to stay focused and on track and I am looking onwards and upwards. The World is my oyster!

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Gary

Hey there Marie,

Great stuff as always. Your Beauty is only surpassed by your Wisdom. Your a very wise young Lady.

Keep up the good work

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Tatiana

Hey Marie!

Firstly, you ALWAYS look so impeccable on your videos! And I’m so impressed with how you’re responding to people’s comments! There are so many, so I think that’s really cool of you.

Secondly: who said the second quote?? I like that one.

Criticism is interesting. A lot of the time we use different words to talk about it: “tough love” is a popular form of unsolicited criticism and general antagonistic advice giving is another. When I was trying to get the money together to teach in South Korea, my great aunt was giving me very much unwanted advice on the situation and it really bothered me. (My family gives lot of advice I don’t need or want, and it’s routinely thinly veiled criticism).

My current position on criticism and advice is this: don’t accept it from people who don’t have what you want.

So, if you [Marie] give me a business tip, I’m more likely to listen to that than to someone who has never ran their own business before (but still feels comfortable telling me how I need to run things).

And like most of the people who commented, I really have never enjoyed criticism and sometimes actively avoid it. It’s a slow process (like… sloth slow really) about how not to go into an emotional tailspin when someone criticizes me or the choices that I make. And your video is pretty timely because I have no idea how to field criticism or attacks on my work, so this is a good place to start!!

<3

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Elainee Presley

Dear, Marie

You are super fab

I ignore all of it, but listen to what helps me improve and that is it.

Love

Elainee Presley

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Rebecca Dole

Hi Marie,
I invented something called the Bax Scrubb shower pad, which cleans your back, shoulders, elbows and feet. We sell them on Amazon with a 4.9 star rating and people love them since they clean and exfoliate where you can’t usually reach. We wanted to patent it, so we paid the PTI, “Patent and Trademark Institute of America” a LARGE SUM OF MONEY, $12,000.00, to have it patented and trademarked, but after 3 years, found they were a fraudulent company, so no patent was given to us. (They did have a class-action suit filed against them and we received $400.00 in the mail.) If that wasn’t bad enough, when we first started out, my sister said, “Don’t quit your day job.” Apparently her neighbor invented something to make putting on a deck easier, and it hadn’t turned out well, so those were her words of warning to me. Then my neighbor said, “Anyone can invent that. That’s no big deal.” and his friend, who is a trust-fund baby and worth millions, said, “Are you still working on that? Give it up!” Those words stung, but I know intellectually they were meant to sting, since the main thread in all three of these people is jealousy. …I don’t even know what my point is here, however I haven’t given up, and we have sold about $20,000.00 worth of Bax Scrubbs in spite of my critics! It really is a great product, and if we hadn’t been depleted of cash from this whole experience, I would invent more things, as I have a folder full of ideas just waiting to be discovered.
Anyway, love you and your spirit. thanks for sharing it with us!
Best wishes, Richard and Rebecca Dole, West Newbury, MA

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Shannon Steffen | Human SEO

Fabulous, Marie!

It seems like criticism is the top reason why entrepreneurs have a fear of success. Almost everything I read has a statement about people fearing that others will find out they are a fraud.

When you are authentically you, there is no way you can be a fraud.

It’s time to crawl out of the Fear Ditch, jump on our stallion, and ride success into the horizon!

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RMSorg

Really excellent video!! It resonates so much with me and I truly enjoyed that you played one of my favorite videos from one of my favorite artists!! Pink is truly an amazing woman and a true role model for many!! And you are right many people dislike her but that doesn’t STOP her from speaking her mind and being a voice of reason in this crazy world!

Thanks Marie!

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Jill B

Marie Marie Marie! Sometimes you just show up and drop an inspirational bomb on me. I needed to see this today, I’m struggling with this issue right now and have been in a real funk because of it. I’m so grateful to know about you and your amazing videos. You impact my life in such a great way. xoxo

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Siddique

Marie, you are a wonderful lady ! This one did help. I, like any other human being do come across a lot of criticisms for almost everything. It all comes down to what we want to take and what we want to leave. The former is not in plenty. Thank You!

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Vanessa Uybarreta

In the beginning of I was very scared of criticism and unconsciously wanted to please everyone. Being an entrepreneur has been the ultimate lesson in authenticity!

Slowly I have accepted that if people don’t accept my true self, who I am authentically, then we aren’t vibing and that’s fine. I won’t sacrifice who I am for someone else. Doesn’t matter who it is.

Once I saw my favorite dancer on youtube. I saw these comments, many good and a couple harsh. I was in shock! How can one of the most amazing beautiful Belly dancers in the world be told she’s boring and repetitive! I realized then if she can get criticized I could and it doesn’t matter. She’s touching a lot of people.

When we are open and authentic we attract people who are really into what we do and who we are. Those connections make up for the criticism. It’s easy to criticize behind a computer screen. Youtube is crazy, I don’t even read comments much anymore…

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EmLovz

Criticism can be tough but tremendously valuable when used constructively. The most helpful thing I’ve learned about criticism came recently after I returned to school to finish my undergraduate degree. Political science majors are required to read hundreds of journal articles, theories, and opinions, all of which include an argument and a counterargument. The argument is meant to be the position you are supporting, whereas the counterargument serves as a response to potential criticism. When we write essays, we are taught to consider our position from the perspective of our greatest critics. Anticipating their disagreements ahead of time allows us to construct a more comprehensive understanding of the issue. It also prepares us with our rebuttal in advance, which reduces the likelihood for commonplace disagreements, thus challenging our critics to really dig for a stronger counterargument. Sometimes my professors will even ask us to argue the opposition’s viewpoint. This increases our understanding of the issue and makes us more informed. This can be used in business to prepare for criticism ahead of time. You can reverse perspective to improve your work from your opposition’s perspective. It makes you more informed and improves your vision of business and the professional marketplace. You learn to value criticism rather than seeing it as a personal attack.

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Marie Forleo

Absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much for sharing this Emlovz!!

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Melodee Forbes

Love this perspective, EmLovz!

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Carl

I think this is the hardest part of being an entrepreneur. I have a pretty thick skin by now. But, criticism still can hurt. My fiance gave me some advice this year that I thought was good so I would share it.

I organize a race called the ODDyssey Half Marathon and every year we send out a survey after the race to get customer feedback. This year I was dreading opening the results event though every year the responses are so positive that around 94% respond that the race is well organized and fun. But, there is always one or two folks who say mean and awful things.

She pointed out to me that the question I was dreading “What can we do better” is asking our runners to focus on finding negative things. So, someone who had a great experience will try to think of something that they did not like. By doing that, you can actually change your client’s perspective of their experience for the worse.

So, next year we will ask people “what did you enjoy most about the race?” and provide another space for “additional comments.” That way, we will still get valuable feedback, any dissatisfied customers will have a space where they will be able to engage with us and we will not be encouraging our happy runners to find things to be dissatisfied with.

Hopefully it will make me less apprehensive of the survey results as well.

Carl

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Kristine Dutra

I just love you, Marie TV!
But I can’t believe you don’t like dark chocolate, that makes me sad..lol

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Shelley

Hey there Marie, thank you for articulating this so well! I was just discussing this phenomenon with a friend yesterday …when this happens to me I find it most helpful to remind myself that the person who is criticizing does not likely have the same capacity to vision a new and creative positive end result. It’s not really their fault that they don’t understand … the fact that they express it in such an unsavory fashion …. I will leave that without comment.

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Meegan

Terrific blog Marie!

This video really hit home (thank you). Made me realize that if I’m modelling negative behavior and self criticism, why should/would I expect different from those around me? We are our own worst critics and many times it’s a matter of getting out of your own way to achieve success. We need to create an internal cheerleading squad!

To handle external criticism another quote that inspires and grounds me is by Zig Ziglar…
“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember ~ the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.”

Cheers!

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Shelagh Cummins

Oh how I love this! It’s so aptly times as I head into posting a video series and launching a new Signature Program where I finally play big after playing small for so long.

Being vulnerable limits so many women – me included. I always have to remind myself – what’s the worst thing that could happen? I loved how you said to focus on what you want to listen to.

Thanks for sharing this video – I know it will help so many women! I am off to share it around!

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Ko-Shin

Marie!
another great episode – I think this is one of the hardest things I struggle with – but maybe for me its more about the inner critic than what other people say. I wonder if this is self imposed or from being too criticized as a child. At the end of the day, I really care the most about what I think rather than what other people think – but it still stings when someone says something hurtful. Its just part of being a sensitive human being – and without that kind of sensitivity I wouldnt be able to write songs, create art, be who I am. Some of us are simply just more attuned to our emotions and the other aspect is one of the things Don Miguel Ruiz speaks about in The Four Agreements – which is vowing not to take things personally. Still hard to do, its a daily practice – and its also about realizing that it has nothing to do with me. Its all part of growing and stepping into your own souls true power.
Much Love,
Ko-Shin
Inspiration

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Mike Nelson

Marie, I knew you were the real deal when you quoted Theodore Roosevelt. I am currently working to shed the “old” Mike who likes to watch silently (ok sometimes not so silently) from the sidelines and get in the arena of life as the “new” Mike, speak my truth and stand up for what I believe in. I highly recommend Brene Brown’s newest book “Daring Greatly”. She uses this same quote as the launch pad to discuss her research regarding overcoming shame, creating courage, allowing vulnerability and wholehearted living.

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Jennifer Kennedy

I take so many things personally! It’s something that I recognize and continue to work at not letting me down!

Not sure whose website I read this from, but I started creating a You’re Awesome Binder! I have a binder of what I’m trying to build for the future — with pictures and such.

In addition to that, I have added quotes, emails, testimonials from people who have really benefited from my trainings. So, those times I’m down, I go back and read quotes such as “the best trainer I’ve had in the 17 years I’ve been at this school.”

And, it really makes me realize that I am doing good things for the world! It gives me the boost I need to keep going.

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Sheri Keys

One of my favorite Marie TV videos. Lots of great nuggets to share with my clients. HUGS!

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Susan Harrow

Jennifer,

You ARE awesome….thank you for sharing such a great idea!

As a Heart Support and Creative Vision Coach, I am always expanding my toolbox to help others move forward with their dreams. This is a terrific self-support system and undoubtedly chases those critical thoughts right out the door!

All the best to you and keep on keeping on!

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Jade

Hi Marie,

Wow this is such an awesome topic! I’ve found the fear, or anticipation of criticism is worse than actual criticism. Take me today, I just launched my site (as in yesterday!) and have been all a flutter anticipating criticism that has hasn’t materialized (well, not yet anyway ;)

I think we have to learn to distinguish between constructive criticism and troll-like criticism.

As much as I prefer to hear ‘you’re awesome!’ to ‘you suck!’ I also wouldn’t want to miss out on learning something useful just because I don’t love the packaging it came in.

I also try to remember that sometimes I am the critic/hater. Like yesterday I gave feedback about a workshop I didn’t enjoy and was quite critical, but 1) the person could take some points on board from I said, and 2) it helps me remember that sometimes people criticising you are just normal people who weren’t happy with a service.

And then there’s troll-y criticism. I remember I wrote an article a while ago on the dangers of trying so hard to be spiritual that you forget to live your life. Most people loved it, but one person so didn’t and came out with stuff like ‘umm, Jade, have you ever been to a yoga retreat? Judging by your fat arm I’d say not!’ (they did actually just call one arm fat. I’m still not sure which one they were referring to!)

That criticism was so stupid that I had to just laugh it off, and taking it seriously would have been doing myself a huge dis-service.

I think it also depends if the criticism hits something you already believe about yourself/your biz. If you think your website sucks and someone says it does it’ll hurt. If you think it rocks and someone says it sucks you’ll just think ‘hey, it’s not for them’, or ‘pah, they clearly have no taste!’.

There are two quotes that inspire me when it comes to handling criticism: One was from a DJ called Diplo who said ‘if you don’t like our music you’re clearly old and don’t know what’s cool’. I love how sure in his music he is and that he doesn’t worry about people not liking it, and just sees it as them not being his (young and cool) audience.

The second is by a Buddhist Teacher called Adyashanti. He said (to paraphrase) that when someone says they love you they are actually talking 100% about them and their state and their feelings towards you. Their loving you doesn’t make you more or less lovable.

Likewise someone saying you suck is 100% about how they see you, and 0% to do with you and whether or not you suck.

Thanks for this video, I really enjoyed it!

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Rebecca Egbert

I wrote about this yesterday on my blog and how we create room for shame resilience into our lives (specifically to Mom’s, because that is who I work with) when we are hit with criticism and shaming. There’s going to be a lot of finger pointing in the lives of entrepreneurs like you said and I love Seth Godin’s line, “trump the shame by being meaningful.”

Thank you for adding value to my life. I hope you and your crew have an amazing retreat, and make your bellies hurt with laughter. xx

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Erin

Oh many, I have SUCH a hard time not taking criticism of my business personally… I used to run a subscription box company, and so by its very nature, it would get reviewed all over the internet every month.
I thought I could take it, but some people are cruel! They would tear down me for curating the boxes, the artists (it was all handmade items) for creating items that they didn’t like… heck, some people would even criticize the packaging!
After crying at least once a month about what someone would write about me/my business I had to grow some thick skin, and really fast! It’s so hard when something you’ve put your heart and soul into is torn to pieces!
And the hardest thing would be that while some customers would hate the box, others would love it (most people loved it), so I couldn’t figure out if I was actually doing something wrong or not!
I did finally collect surveys and revamp the boxes based on customer feedback, but when you’re selling a hundred surprise boxes a month, it’s going to be impossible to make every single person happy–which means I had to be really clear on my sales policies!
I did finally grow a thicker skin, but have since sold the company to focus on my web design. While I still deal with a fair amount of criticism, it’s not typically about my products, just people wanting to argue over blogging platforms or my prices. A lot easier to deal with!
I did learn a lot about customer service, dealing with criticism, and being reviewed down to the very box I used to ship my items–not very fun at times, but an absolutely excellent learning experience looking back. Just have to remember not to take it personally and to focus on what I can do BETTER to make my customers happier! And for those who want to be rude to be rude without having anything worthwhile to say–forget about them!

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Molly

This is so interesting. I recently started a blog and have been struggling to write about my genuine interests. I keep writing about stuff that I think is more safe, or professional. All the while realizing that it’s not hugely compelling because my heart isn’t in it.

What you reminded me is that I NEVER judge anyone else as harshly as I am judging myself. I usually find something to appreciate in almost anyone’s genuine, committed creative efforts.

It’s time I respected my own truth the way I do that of others!

And, respected it enough to actually get genuine and commit to producing, even if I feel doubt or fear.

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Joanne Martinez

Molly, a reminder: you rock!!! Woohoo!

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Beth Orchard

I grew up in a negative environment, sheltered and pretty much told no to every request I asked to try and strive forward. The only thing I could control was doing well in school and spending hours reading books from the library and dreaming of a way out of my situation.

When I turned 18 I went out of state to college, transferred schools and really struggled but it was because I didn’t believe in myself. It was hard to do when it seemed my mother was determined to do her best to keep me from achieving my dreams. I eventually moved to London then went to school in Australia and spent time traveling and landed back in the US. I’m now looking into coaching as a way to mentor others in finding their purpose and striving towards their dreams because I know what it was (and is) like for me and I want to help others achieve their dreams sooner.

I feel like the harshest critic I’ve had to respond to is myself. My mother and others may have been hard on me (and still are) but the one I need to stop listening to is me. Which is why I’m going into coaching because I’ve worked long and hard to push through barriers and am learning how to quiet that critic and just do it. Ready to move on!

Thanks for your awesome website and information!

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Alyxandria

Hi Beth,

I love that you shared this. Sometimes our harshest inner critics were implanted in our heads in our childhood because, unfortunately, not everyone grows up in a supportive, positive environment. But we can choose who we spend time with, what we focus on and how we talk to ourselves … which is definitely needed in the world today.

Personally, I’ve felt a little leery of sharing stuff on the internet myself not only because of negative childhood programming, but also because I worked in journalism first and talking politics and economics brings out the flamers like nobody’s business! Whew. Still, as they say, your IDEAL clients won’t be flaming you. They’ll be hiring you to help them achieve what they want in their lives. Which what we’re all going for :-)

Alyxandria

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Caitlin

I always have to laugh to myself when I see blog comments full of people griping about the topic (not constructively and interestingly, like we tend to have on this site!) or essentially gossiping about the author. I truly do not understand why people waste their time this way. Remember this when faced with any kind of criticism. How often does unsolicited criticism changed much at all? Not often. So why would we let ourselves be affected by it?

The fact of the matter is, most of us are still operating in a teenaged mindset of seeking acceptance, at least some of the time. Myself included! The trolls want to be accepted as experts on a subject they are inexperienced in, and we want to be accepted in return. Just remember – just like in middle school, not everyone is going to like you, and just like in middle school, you have the opportunity to grow up and become successful, beautiful, and amazing – in spite of the bullies.

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Joyy Norris

Marie,

This video is thoroughly inspirational. It helped me take a minute to re-evaluate the purpose for being on the path I chose (was lead to choose) and continue with the confidence of having my own back.

Thanks for another soul cleansing vid!

Have a great retreat :)

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Joanne Martinez

Where the heck is the LOVE button?!!! Perfect timing. Our family is moving clear across the country following our dreams. Most people have actually been very supportive but harsh and hurtful words have been spoken to me by someone very close. As a believer, I know full well where those words are really coming from so I am at peace. I am a Rhino, not a cow in the pasture!!!!

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Ando Mierzwa

Great as always, Marie! Saw this one the other day –

“Go ahead and judge me. Just make sure you don’t make any mistakes for the rest of your life.” :)

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Jeanette

Awesome video Marie!:) Thank you for sharing:) Have a great day!

All the best!
Jeanette

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Stacey

I love it! Thank you Marie!

Smile,
Stacey

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Victor

I always got harsh criticism on me. When I was younger it was because of my sexuality and now it is because I don’t hesitate to do stuff people don’t ever give it a try. I don’t want to claim anything but since I was 5 this criticism and bullying have made me feel really bad. And yet, young enough, I discovered the best way to overcome it: do your best. You can blame yourself and cry because of all those bad comments or you can face it with courage and open even more your heart. Letting all your creativity flows and taking risks, trying. I’m not gonna say I’ve never failed because that wouldn’t be the truth, but the thing is I never give up. Put yourself out there and spread love and kindness and you’ll see that someday people will start to think in a different way.

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Fiona Campbell

Hi Marie,

Excellent answers Marie. Thank you so much. This subject has been very present in my life and I wish I’d had your words of advise when I was being relentlessly torn apart by the British media for about 2 years straight. I was in my lent twenties, very accomplished and because of these attacks I thought, deep down, that every one of my ciritics must be better than me and that if after all the hard work, ever since I was 16, I still wasn’t accepted, I must be nothing. It lead me to attempt suicide and when that didn’t work, I become a recluse and though I was still discovering and creating amazing things, I never shared them with anyone, for fear of being destroyed again. Finally, after 15 years, I woke up one morning with a different thought: am I really going to let them prevent me from sharing what I’ve found with others who would really benefit from it? So, I wrote another book which I launched last Novemember and I’ve just got back from the printers with the 4th print-run. It’s selling fast and it’s getting unbelievable reviews – have a look on my Facebook page: The Hunter-Gatherer Way by Ffyona Campbell. People love it, they keep saying it has touched their soul and if that’s not worth fighting for, I don’t know what is!

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Kirsten

Great video! (And I immediately downloaded that awesome Pink song for inspiration).

I write fiction (paranormal mysteries), and the first review I ever got was pretty harsh. I was devastated. Until I really read the review and realized the main complaint was… I didn’t use enough adjectives and adverbs. And suddenly the whole thing became funny. Fortunately, that one poor review was not a harbinger. And I stopped reading reviews (for the most part) because they are so subjective. I do, however, continue to listen to criticisms from my editors. They’ve got my interests at heart, AND actually know what they’re talking about.

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Marinda

Smackdown! Loved this video Marie. Never thought about it like this, that successful people don’t criticize. How freeing, thanks for makin’ this vid!

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Bruna

The tips are fantastic.
I loved it.
I cried a lot in the past by critics of jealous people, but today no more.
I am deaf to the criticism!!
I am Brazilian, sorry for grammar mistakes.
Thank you Marie!

All the best for you.

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Stacy Rayna

LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote Marie: “People who are the harshest critics are creative cowards – they are bystanders on the sidelines of life who risk nothing and create nothing”

that should’ve been the tweetable :)

Awesome video, as always

~Stacy

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KT

I love this old Chinese proverb:

“If man say it cannot be done he should get out the way of the person doing it.”

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maria

I once had a professor that was SUPER knowledgeable. She had read everything under the sun. One day, she asked who had read one book she was talking about, and no one in class answered. Her answer? “I used to get really angry at these situations, now I think I wish I was you and could discover this amazing book afresh”. Boom ! Mind-blown!
I kind of try to focus on the idea of progress. If I didn’t do this now, then I would not be doing whatever I’ll be doing in a while. It’s a matter of perspective.

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Chanté

This. Was. Perfect! Thank you Marie!

I rarely look forward to – ANY EMAILS, but I love, love, love your Tuesday videos. They are: quick, on-point, thought provoking and fabulous!

Yes, I am sadly a HUGE self critic (like most of us), and when I left corporate America to pursue my travel business…well, suffice to say, the nasty critters came out in droves to tell me “Oh my, why would you give up your great career to do – travel?” And, “You have such a wonderful education, it’s such a waste that you decided NOT to go to law school, if you had, you never would be entertaining this travel nonsense…” Ummm yea, I could go on.

THEN, I did the unthinkable, I launched a website all about (gasp) women in the culinary industry, and the critics really came out in droves; especially when they found there was no financial gain in my endeavor. But one thing they will N.E.V.E.R. understand is that I’m doing all of this because I want to; and while I may not do it forever, I’m having a damn good time along the way. And as a side note, there is no greater compliment or pleasure, than when I’ve written an interview about one of the chefs I’ve interviewed and they call or email me and say they cried while reading it. I need nothing else – my work here is done!

Thanks for being so great, Marie, and giving me something special to look forward too on Tuesdays, and yes, your hair is always FAB!

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Jurgen Homola

Hi Marie

Your ‘show’ is ALWAYS phenomenal, and I can’t wait to get your next email!!! But this one… it’s something I think we all need to remind ourselves of ALL the time…

I wrote my first book in 1994 and almost didn’t publish it because of HUGE criticism from – wait for it!!! – Yep, You got it: friends and family.

I eventually had to think: ‘Suck it up, Jurgen! You have to give to the world what you are meant to give! And if your friends and family don’t support you, why share your passion with them? You cannot be influenced by the fears of others, and that includes your family’s fears and those of your friends too.’

I eventually published the book as a pseudonym, holding on to Roosevelt’s quote I had written in the book – the same one in this video – despite my fear. I simply didn’t tell anyone I published my book, yet it sold 15000 copies over 8 years. I eventually gave away the rights to the institute of the blind who published the book in braille. I have no clue how many read the book, but never pursued it further – all out of fear for further criticism…

In 2008, I was diagnosed with recurring cancer. At the same time, I was subject to a MASSIVE defamation onslaught against me by – wait for it – You guessed it again: a friend and a colleague. This time, however, I almost gave up on everything. I couldn’t remember Roosevelt or anyone else for that matter. It almost destroyed me completely… You are SO right with your 4 Keys to Dealing with Criticism!!!

The change came the DAY I DECIDED to no longer be affected by other’s disdain. Yes, I almost lost everything, and ALMOST gave up. Through it all, however, I discovered that we get stronger by fighting for what we know we want or need to do – for the greater good of others.

Did it hurt? YOU BETCHA! But hurt goes away, and wounds heal. Financially we can always recover, even if we have to rely on support… and THAT teaches us things we don’t know about ourselves…

What it ultimately taught me is this:
1) We are stronger than we think… We can handle WAY more pain!
2) We can face bigger challenges on the other side of what we think might be killing us!
3) It is those that cannot dream and those who are too lazy to live to their fullest potential that will try to challenge ours. Simply don’t move in those circles, and you won’t meet those who want to ‘cut you down to size’…
4) Our ‘muscles’ are trained and flexed, so we can build even bigger visions than before, where we will have a bigger impact than before, and where we are able to add WAY MORE VALUE for others to build their strength… to benefit yet others in their circles… and so on…
5) If people criticize what you do, build a bigger one of what they criticize! I am in the progress of writing my life story – which, by the way, I believe everyone should be doing. It will be the BEST movie ever (possibly even a trilogy)… Just watch this space :o)))

Marie, thanks so much for not giving up on your dreams – when, I’m sure, you had the opportunities to give up. Thank you, also, for your inspiration. In EVERY ONE of your videos, you give us amazing ‘take-aways’. And then, thank you for daring to cross all the boundary lines others have placed on you, where you now encourage us to become the trailblazers we need to be for those who are restricted by their boundaries…

I am looking forward to meeting you – another trailblazer – one day, Marie… Thanx again for sharing the 4 Keys to Dealing with Criticism!!!

And by the way, to your mom you’re the best daughter in the universe… To me you’re the bestest video personality in the universe!!!

We LUV YA, Marie
Jurgen Homola

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Desha Peacock

Yes, yes, yes! I was just writing a post on SUCCESS and thinking about how we ALL judge each other- which usually comes out as criticism.
I know some people thinks I’m nuts for what I’m trying to do. Just today when I told a relative that I was excited about writing not one, but FOUR online magazines/blogs she said, “yeah, but are you getting paid for it?”. What the H? How about congrats?

No matter what we do, there will always be someone who is ready to judge/criticize, so if you can’t make them happy its best to just try and live up to your own definition of success. After all, the only person you have to really answer to is yourself.

thanks Marie!

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Lisa Santos

For several years I’ve held myself back from doing what I’ve wanted to do and that is work from home as an online marketing consultant. Many of my friends and family criticized saying it was risking to work from home and there was too much competition out there to do it. Putting fear into me about how I was going to pay for my bills and take care of myself.

Three months ago, I read the Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris and inside his book he asked some deep thought questions about what would be the worse case scenarios if you were to take a leap and leave your job. His questions triggered an enormous amount of determination to do what I wanted to do. I prepared my mind for the worst scenarios and how I would overcome them. I felt my fear slip away immediately once I knew what I could do to come out of any bad situation.

I realized I have a college degree in I.T., great work experience and an excellent skill set. If at anytime, it doesn’t work out with my web consulting business I always know that I have my education and work experience to help me land another job easily to bounce back.

I’m happy to say that I left my full-time job a month and half ago to pursue my home based business full-time. I’ve never been more happier doing what I love. I will never let fear and criticism hold me back again.

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Tracy Marie

What a Co-winkydink to see this email/video show up in my in box this morning…just as I sent a text to my business partner saying “I’m scared to put myself out there!” referring to launching our website with video of me on it! Now to some… WAY past this intimidating point, this may be small patties! Boy Marie did I need that video this morning! Have you been hangin with the Long Island Medium??? I thank you for Being fearless and showing us the way…I hope to bring forth some ground-breaking, life- shaking shiz myself! Love that you are YOU…..grade A 100% real…I can relate!

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T

I loved this video! So true in every way. It’s always the people side liners taking no risks and making no gain that always have something to say… Thanks for the tips. I will remember this. Todays Q’s was exactly what I was thinking about yesterday.

My Q4U is.. What do you say to these people? In person, txt, email. Do you ignore them? Say “thanks for your opinion.” “Oh hey, would love to chat but busy?” Lol

Thanks

T

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Mindy

On my to-do list today was to “Watch Marie’s video and write a response.” Now that I am in my 50′s, our four children are mostly launched into the world, and the brain freeze is finally starting to melt, I want to teach myself to be brave.

For me moving from happy, thankful lurker to participant seemed like a step in the right direction. I read most of the comments, learned some more new things and went back to emptying the dishwasher. And then I made myself sit down and think about why it was so hard to write something on the subject of how we respond to criticism.

For me, it is easier to accept criticism from those closest to me since I can better interpret the words. (Are they really giving me helpful criticism, or are they projecting something onto me that is really their issue.) With strangers, especially in print where you can’t read any other cues like tone of voice or posture, it seems you do need to come up with a way to parse the information into what is useful and what again, is the critic’s own issues. I appreciate everyone’s willingness to share what works for them. BTW, this took forever to write, mull-over, reread, edit… never did figure out why this was so difficult but I am going to post it anyway.

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Tara

I tend to respond to criticism once it is given. First, I see their point of view and if they have a valid point I agree with them and then right after agreeing with them I reiterate my point or my reasoning behind my original point.

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Marie-José

when i receive criticism.
i know it says more about them than about me.
and… i like to learn and reflect at myself so….
i look 4 what is helpful in it for me.
the rest i let go (or at least try to let go) ;)
<3

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Summer

I admire how you say what we all feel Marie!! My husband and I just a launched a new business and have a vision to say it like it is. I am finding it easier and easier to say things about success, money, ambition etc. without worrying about what people (who know me) will think. I used to hold back because I didn’t want to offend anyone, but realized that playing small does not get me to the place in life I want to be.

This morning I just posted a quote about how success is a choice. I am choosing to be successful and anyone is welcome to join me!!!!!

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Ben*Jamin

Hi Marie ANd All I See How Human Nature Can Be BEcause I’m A Human A soul a mind In A Body. I see The WayWe HAve Commonalities in the way we All Can React. And I Always Act the way that makes me the happiest and I learned embarrassment is just a label. Excitement is more the cause and adrenaline rush to make LIFE HAPPEN YAYS! I am always so naturally myself greatfully thanksfully to all who help me. Negativity fuels my posititivity even when I can tend to get bored I tell my self and givethanks forall my and our blessingsin ourlife) So that’s why they say thanks to all my haters ahaha* Jammin StyleI say thanks to All My Lovers AH YAYEA)!

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Kristi

Marie –

Thank YOU so much for that video. I am a new fashion designer, who is trying to do something different in the industry through designing versatile women’s apparel that is Made in Canada, from eco-conscious fabrics.

I’m a new entrepreneur and although I receive RAVE reviews about my designs, I also do get some people who don’t love the product, or who say it’s too expensive, or that I should make it offshore, or that it’s been done before. I take it SO personally. When something is your creation, it’s hard not to, especially if I’m passionate about it.

What I’ve learned to do (just recently) is that every time I receive a negative comment or action about one of my designs, I say “It’s just not for them but others will love it”.

thx again and just RT’d that quote. Love!

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Lorraine Nickels

Marie,

I recently experienced a situation where I was publically critisized so the timing of your video was perfect for my life. Thanks for the doing what you do. This video helped to challenge me in regards to how I want to react/respond and to decide who I chose to be in the face of critism.

Thanks!

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Jessica Stone

“The harshest critics are creative cowards.”

So true. They’re also operating from a place of fear, meaning we can respond with compassion.

I also find it comforting to go on Amazon and read all the 1-star reviews for famous authors. :) Everyone has critics.

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Cindy Dabbous

This is so crucial to having success! I come from a Middle Eastern family where you are supposed to follow a patriarchal way of being and I decided I had enough, and moved to Hawaii! You can get inspiration from my blog too if you’d like at intentionallyempowered.com!

Thank you for sharing Marie. You are one of my main role models!

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Canece

I use the old adage: CONSIDER THE SOURCE!

What that means for me is to take a look at who’s criticizing.

If it’s someone who is successful in their own endeavors and has something to offer that I can use to better my self or my company then that’s a good source.
If its a troll (and we’ve all had them), I look at them as a lazy, pathetic, nob and pay them no mind.

I use this adage as a modicum for life. Weather its in my personal or my business life.

It wasn’t easy at first, but when I finally let go of what ‘others’ thought of me or my designs then it got easier.

I know my brand is not for everyone. But those that do appreciate it always get’s me excited to continue and expand my world.

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Jo

Hi Marie,

I just wanted to say thank you for being amazing and sharing this week;s episode. I have been facing into some criticism of late, as I’ve been incredibly inspired by you (and some others ;-) to start my own social business enterprise. Criticism or questioning seems to be coning from a lot of corners, including those that i would have thought would be in my corner.

I’m really making a conscious decision to accept that these are real gifts, as it does give me pause to consider is what I’m doing aligned with my true purpose and it really helps me stay on track. i can always adjust course, but at the moment I seem to be still on track when I check in. So just really dust myself off and keep running. While I may going too fast for some, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the amount of people who are setting the pace, keeping up and inspiring to stay the course. Despite the challenges, it appears that those that believe in similar and come from a place of unconditional love are supporting me in my endeavours so i feel incredibly lucky :-)

Again I thank you to have been genuine in generosity and sharing, authentic and being the quirky you.

With love and gratitude,

Jo
MAD with Potential
M:+61415188985

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Rani Chatterjee

What a fantastic vlog entry Marie! Highly inspirational…
It’s interesting that when I first got into the personal development industry I wanted to shout it to the whole world and was sharing my ideas candidly all the time. But as time went on, I became more aware of “critics” than people who valued my work. You’re article has truly made a difference in shifting that false premise. Thank you so much!

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Kellie Nicholson

Marie,

You are so correct about this. I tell my clients that you can be a spectator or you can play in the game. Spectators criticize and gossip, while receiving none of the rewards. Players take action and are too busy to pay attention to the criticism, while they win, win, win!

Thanks for sharing!

Kellie Nicholson

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Karla T.

Why is it that we know that everybody isn’t going to love us, yet get all emotional and hurt when its mentioned? Because we have an inherent desire to be accepted. We need to PROGRAM ourselves and learn how to get over all of that.

Thanks for the reminder Marie.

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Natasja Frowijn

Hi Marie,

What I wanted to share is that, right now critisime is happening more than usual. I am a psychic and see collective patterns that are happening right now. One of them is critisime. Why? this year there is a lot going on. If you want more about the inside scoop 2013 let me know! And I will tell you. But why critisime, well these days the truth is coming out. Leaders who haven’t been honnest get booted out. But also we all are getting more sensative to people that lie to you. And we need that, we need to know who is loving us and who is playing us. So that we can stay on track of our mission and adventure because that is what it’s all about living your passion and loving your life. But when you do this your eyes start to spot where the untruth is. So critisime are mostly people right now who have been telling themselves all kinds of stories to keep that world alive in which they suffer or are victem from. They need to critisize so that they can stay in that world and put all the good down. Solution tell someone that you don’t like their critisime. One other thing me and my friend did was if someone critisize us we would say; But I love you anyway ( even to complete strangers ) and somehow it Always worked out. Well thank you for this beautiful episode.

Sending you lot’s of love and have fun at your big PJ party those are great things to do X

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Sage Andreasen

Marie that was an amazing video, one of my favourites yet! I recently designed a 1 week fertility retreat and shared the ideas with a friend who I wanted to do the catering for me. She didn’t criticise me, but she did add some ‘practical’ things I needed to consider and with a negative, limited tone to it, and so sthing inside me just snapped and for 2 weeks I started believing that if was impossible, that ‘someone like me’ couldn’t pull it off, that I wouldn’t be able to get the money for it etc, and went into a real downward spiral for a bit. Then all of a sudden one day it changed and I got back on the horse, I didn’t care what she or anyone else thought and I just decided to keep going with it, and believe that I can pull off this very high end vision! I don’t care what anyone thinks now or if anyone supports it but THANKS for your video, you are an embodiment of doing such great, wild, childlike ideas and really making them work!! And we (the world) DEFINITELY need that special gift that only you have Marie! Big love! Xxx

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Louis

That was a great post! When I was young and starting off in life, I used to wonder why people would act the way that they did by criticizing the way I did things or how things should be done. And I tell you I would let those things get to my head because the way that I was raised was to respect your elders and they knew better because I’ve been around longer. Well that took me some time to realize that not all elders know what they are talking about. Most of them didn’t even experience going past their driveway from their house. So now I know to take a lot of that fluff with a grain of salt. Or better yet throw the grains of salt at the fluff….

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Rachel Hunter (TraderRach)

Hi Marie

Another great post! I’m fortunate to have a lot of great supporters. I’m just out there being me and I know someday someone won’t like it. At least now I’m equipped with your wisdom.

Cheers Rachel

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carolynn

Your words were inspirational. I combat the criticisms with comedy. Who is to say what will happen, but at least I’m in the arena and I can laugh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4FmWeUDZSo&feature=em-upload_owner

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Katie

Marie, you are an angel. This is so helpful. p.s anyone who doesn’t like you – doesn’t like life – because that is exactly what you are. LIFE :-)

I had a upsetting time from 2008-2010 a colleague tried to ruin my career by professional criticism and it hurt me so much. I have learnt to forgive and build myself up but it was hard as naturally I have tended to be perfectionist and highly self critical – so it was like my worst fears came true. After that I learnt to stand up for me and follow my heart. You cannot be perfect all the time, being 90% perfectly imperfect is perfectly ok :-)
I think this is one of the most trickest boundaries to overcome as we are afraid of being rejected by others and you are so kind and strong and brave. Katie
p.s loved how you quoted the Pink Song.

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Loralee Hutton

I’ve spent years (maybe decades?) in the “What if they find out I’m a fraud?” camp. I seem to be moving away from that, but still get completely paralyzed by criticism. And it gets me tangled up with pricing & recognizing my true worth. For every criticism I receive, I knock $100 off the asking price (only sorta kidding!). If I keep repeating, “I wish I had thicker skin!” do you think it might eventually work? I’ve finally set aside some of the ‘hate mail’ and decided it’s much more important to listen with both ears to the people who really need my help. But if history is any indicator, I’m bound to get sideswiped again (as in… think I’m dealing with it well & not notice that thing I tripped over until I’m picking my cute butt off the floor – again)

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Molly Smith

I have learned so much from this short video, watched twice and will again tomorrow :) My worst criticism episode is too hurtful to even mention. Wish I had this knowledge at that time.

Who can wear a waffle dress like that??? YOU can.
♥ it!

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Merry

Hey Marie,
Yes, I have experienced harsh criticism and it knocked me on my tush for awhile.
When I was first starting out as an entrepreneur about four years ago, my dad told me I’ve always had my head up my a$$.”
I finally took a step back from it and took a good long, hard look at whether it was true instead of just accepting it.
What I realized is this: I put myself through college; bought my first brand new car at 18, and; my first house at 21. Most parents would have been pretty proud of that.
Whether I have my head stuck up my a$$ now, may be another story. But it doesn’t have any sting to it.
Another thing he said is that I’ve always been a follower. Now that I’ve looked at it from a different perspective, I realize what the problem is: my dad doesn’t really know me at all. His opinions are based on his perception of me, which is WAY off.
Much like any other criticism, it generally doesn’t come from someone who bothers to take the time to really know us. Just because he’s my dad, doesn’t mean he knows me or that he has any idea what he’s talking about.

Thanks for this Marie – you made some awesome points. I particularly liked how you pointed out that people are judging and criticizing us anyway. If we make a bigger difference and put ourselves out there more, sure there will be more people to be critical; but we’ll also be reaching and helping more people so I think all in all, it balances itself out.

As to being a fraud. My thoughts are this: If you’re ten steps ahead of where you started, you’re ten steps ahead of someone else and thus infinitely qualified to give them a hand up.

xoxox,
Merry

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Simple sophisticated Janel

I am so grateful for this QA. I when I would face criticism I would assume I was doing something wrong. It would always happen when I felt a calling, my hearts desire and I would hesitate to follow because I felt like I was being attacked by other opinions. This made me dim my light so I wouldn’t get criticized.
Now I see, as you come out into the light this is just part of the game. I don’t have to allow other people thoughts about me slow down my growth and keep me from my divine appointments. Thanks so much Marie this has hit home for me!!!!

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Susan Ullah

Hi Marie :)
Thank you so much for sharing todays awesome
episode. Your words are always right on time, and
I’m get so inspired by You
.
Looking forward to seeing you again on, Marie’s TV!! \O/ ;)

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Steph

No criticism is fun, but the criticism that really hurts is the one that agrees with a self-criticism I already have. When I feel good about my work, then I can accept criticism and let it roll off much more easily.

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Juan

I Just wanted to say that I love Marie…. XD

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Heather Ella Birt

I recently received a critique from a woman that has a writing website regarding my new freelance writer page. She said my About Me section made me look “flaky” because I discuss being adopted by people who suffered from mental illness. She then proceeded to explain to me what healthy boundaries are and how that information should only be shared with close friends and not potential clients. However, my potential clients are people in the mental health and personal development industries. I want to establish myself as an expert to these people, and dispel some of the shame associated with the issues surrounding mental health.

I don’t think I am a flake, nor do I feel my writing sends the message that I need a lesson on personal boundaries. The criticism has left me wondering if I can safely share what compels me to write with potential clients, or if I need to keep my motivations to myself and just be another face in the crowd to not “scare people away,” as my critique indicated.
Yikes!

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Sally

I recently had a client criticise the direction my business was headed, saying it was steering from its original purpose, which she identified as being there to promote the elite in our industry. I politely pointed out that she had it all wrong, that in fact my business was doing exactly what it set out to do and was helping just the people (businesses) it was created to help. That no, I had not created my business with the aim of helping only the elite in the industry, but giving opportunity to all equally, even the little guys. The part I didn’t add, but thought… My business has created a more level playing field in our particular industry, and her only problem was that it meant she now had more competition. But, competition only makes us stronger and gives us challenges we need as business owners to provide better products and services. So if my dealings helping other businesses is messing up the monopoly you previously had, you need to up your game, because I am doing for you exactly what I’m doing for your competitors, and they’re not complaining. It just goes to show, you cannot rest on your laurels, and when you are faced with competition, you simply need to rise to the challenge. And my business – it’s here for more than just one client. Don’t like it? That’s okay by me.

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Heather Ella Birt

Sounds exactly like what Marie was talking about. The person criticizing you was really defending herself, and her own motivations, which had nothing to with your goals. What a dance life is!

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Sally

Absolutely, Heather, sounds very similar. Personally I think you are absolutely correct in your viewpoint with your own comment above – who would be more of an expert on mental illness than someone who has had personal experience with it? Gone are the days where in business we try to present a “perfect” facade – people want real! I have a psychologist friend, who has never had a real problem in her life! Not to criticise her, as I believe she is very good at what she does, but my first thought when she went into this line of work was, “how are you going to relate?” Then I remembered there was such a thing as empathy, and she has it in abundance. I only say this to mention, you could look at it the completely opposite way – no personal experience to some can mean no connection to the issue. It’s all about perspective, which is really what Marie is saying with this video. You can’t change people’s viewpoints, but just do what you feel is right and not try to please everybody.

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Heather Ella Birt

Thanks Sally, I really appreciate the encouragement, and I do agree! I am going to try to find a happy medium where I can share that I am personally involved in the topic, yet not be too detailed. I do love making others feel comfortable by sharing my own story though, so I think I will try marketing myself in several ways.

Thanks so much Sally. You made me feel stronger.

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Llyane @ FrenchOnSkype

OMG, this video comes so timely!

I moved to a new home about 3 months ago and there’s a huge drama amongst my neighbours – and I feel deeply judged.

Long story short, everyone watches my every step, move or lack of – hihi.. I feel like I’m on display.

This video just gave me the reassurance that my focus should stay on the ball – MY ball.

Did it throw me off? Yes!

In the same time, I observed myself and saw how my automatic reaction was to dive in the adrenaline of things – a little self talk “Hey, look how I want to get upset. – I’m back” (thank you, Josh!)

And on I went with my business.

Thanks again, Marie, couldn’t have had a better video this week! :)
Llyane

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Christie Strike

Thank you Marie. Per many others above, I soooo needed to hear your pearls of wisdom this morning. My business is really starting to grow, and I am taking on challenges which I would have fainted by the thought of a few years ago!

However, of course, as my business flourishes, the criticism grows. We do send out an auto-email asking how we could improve, so it’s not that I’m afraid to hear criticism, so long as it’s the kind that can help me better serve my clients – it’s more the comments that are hurtful and undermining which have really shocked me.

Everything you’ve said resonates: the most hurtful comments so far have been from individuals who seem to be the toxic kind, sitting on the sidelines booing, voicing their opinions on how badly I am doing things. It’s so hard to let go of one or two sentences -vs- paragraphs of good comments, from clients saying that we’ve changed their lives!

All I can say is that my close circle of girlfriends, who every day remind me what I am accomplishing and give me strength to pursue more challenges, are the difference. The level of their support is just astounding, I’m so so lucky to have them. They easily drown out the booing with their cheers.

:) Thanks again. xxoo

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Heather Ella Birt

I have found reading comments, any where around the web, can be a very depressing thing! I’m not sure if it is an accurate reflection of the world today, or if people just don’t think before they post.

Either way Christie, you sound like a person who is very caring, and hard-working, Marie’s post was definitely meant for you!

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Christie Strike

Oh thank you so much Heather, kind words!! :) x

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Kenneth Evans

Criticism has much to with perception, and I believe that, like many things in life, our perceptions must be balanced. I’ll explain.

I feel I must stay aware of others’ perceptions of myself, in order to maintain a favorable reputation.

For instance, I am encouraged to actively monitor my social media profiles, and make sure there isn’t any negative content associated with my character that would threaten my chances of employment.

However, I also feel that I must be wise enough to ignore others’ perceptions of myself when they stand as obstacles to reaching my aspirations.

For example, others may not think of me as the best dancer. But I love music! Why should I let someone’s opinion stop me from hitting the dance floor when I hear my favorite song (or songs)?

I didn’t grow up thinking I couldn’t dance! However, I was told that I could be somewhat uncoordinated, and occasionally that discouraged me from dancing in public.

But only occasionally. There are plenty of times when I dance and don’t care what others think about my rhythm, or lack thereof.

And then there are moments when I know I probably shouldn’t attempt to do the Dougie. And thus, the balance is maintained (I am a Libra, after all). ;)

By the way, thank you for an entertaining and engaging post! It’s my first time here, but certainly not the last!

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Manny

Great job as usual, Marie! I am definitely going to invite you to be part of my MasterMind !!! :-D
Thanks for all your help!

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Ellen Silverman

This was spot on, Marie.
I feel more inspired. Thank you so much.
Love your dress too.
All best,
Ellen

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Melanie

I discovered Marie Forleo BECAUSE of a person criticizing an angle of how she be sassy & sexy and this triggered me to go & subscribe to Marie’s videos immediately! The critic did NOT model qualities I was looking for, but Marie definitely is & continues to be an important model of inspiration in many ways for me. Thank you Marie for being exactly as you are. Thank you for inspiring me to keep growing the true nature tree of authentic self & communicate from this place with the world. Because of your wonderful way of being & educating, I am more accepting of self & more fearless to find out more about what it really means to let authentic me BE SEEN as I go about serving my clients! This has enabled me to attract more of only the people who want to work with me. As it happened that I found you because of a critic, I trust that the same be happening for me!

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Kathy

Is it the trip to Italy or are you preggers? What’s up girl? Wishing all the best either way!

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Kathleen Thompson

I used to let criticism really get to me; it fed into my perfectionistic tendencies. For example, in my 360 leadership survey, I focused only on the one negative comment and ignored all the other positive comments. I have now learned to discern between constructive and destructive criticism. When it is constructive and delivered by someone whom I trust, I can learn much. When it is from someone who I do not trust, I let myself feel the initial sting, and then ignore it. I now longer let it stop me or get me down.

Thank you, Marie, for the wisdom contained in this video.

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Katie - Conquering Fear Spiritually (CFS)

Hi Kathleen- I definitely understand how perfectionism makes criticism even worse, wow! I think, as you you say, the key is letting it sting you for a little bit and then moving on.

Thanks Kathleen!

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Katie - Conquering Fear Spiritually (CFS)

Wow- I feel so powerful after watching this- thank you Marie! I know at the moment I’ve got my battle gear on, ready to fend off any criticism, but I also know that by doing this, I’m definitely keeping myself small and not serving to my highest potential.

This was such a great reminder for m. Thank you Marie- great video (enjoy your company retreat! )

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Ash Castledine

Thanks for this one Marie, I love all of your vids but this one couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m about to make my website go live and I’m delaying it in fear of what others are going to say negatively about the website and my ideas and what I want to do! This has helped so much! So thank you and much love!!
Ash

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Laura Grannary

I believe that criticism can be looked at objectively. Analyse if it is true. If it is then how can I use this to constructively change my behaviour to help me reach my goals-if it is untrue then disregard it. The first step is removing it from the personal to the impersonal and just take it as something that can help me better lead me to my goals…never giving up!

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Liza Colpa

OMG!!! This video is so brilliant! Thanks Marie! This was the perfect video for an experience that had just happened to me a few days ago.
I have just graduated college with my B.A, and one of my cousins who did not make the best life decisions decided to grill me on my future career plans. I finished my college degree in four years, and only three members in my huge family have degrees. I am the second person to finish in four years out of the three. This was not a big deal to me, but it was huge deal for my family, and I realized what an honor and privilege it is.
The same cousin threw a little get together and party for me at my aunts house, and I sensed she didn’t throw it out of sincerity, but more got the sense she wanted to do it to look good and supportive. I did not try to read into it though, and was grateful for any support, even if it wasn’t sincere. She then came to me while we were eating and gave me a huge third degree on my future plans. The great thing is I have future plans, and goals. I know exactly who I want to evolve to be and do. But my ideas, and career plans seem too unrealistic and unstable for all of them comprehend. They’re the type to settle for something that helps you get a stable foundation with a car, and house and insurance, and to them my plans seem that I’m either going to end up poor or setting myself up for failure.
My cousin then asked the dreaded question, “What happens if you fail?” I could have answered with many snarky comments, or even criticized her back, which would have been much easier to do, because she led a lifestyle that is far more easier to judge and criticize. But I didn’t. I told her I would probably go for my PhD, but then she continued, “Then what?” I started to get annoyed and wanted to say, “Oh darn I left my crystal ball in the back of my dad’s car. Guess we’re gonna have to wait and see,” But instead I said something to appease her so she could come off it. I said I would enter a career I really wouldn’t enjoy being in, but to her it seemed simple, and stable enough that she stopped asking questions.
If I could go back in time I would tell her, “back up plans and thoughts of failure is for people who don’t truly believe in their dreams and themselves, and I’m not one of those people.” Even people whose dreams didn’t exactly work out the way they wanted them to, but then consistently continued to follow their passion, find something that leads them to what they were really meant to do, or what they love more. I can not force destiny to happen, but I can follow my passion. I felt very much criticized that day for following my passion, and having faith that by doing so it will lead me to something not only that I love to do, but will eventually be able to provide for me a life that is independent, and sustainable.
The experience made me realize that I have to really pay attention to myself, and keep my self doubts in check, because it’s hard enough just believing in yourself without people making you like you’re making a huge mistake.
The people who are just judging, criticizing, and comparing your life to theirs (yours being less then theirs) aren’t doing much. I also realized that it’s sad, and no matter what happens I will always support someone in their passion. I don’t want to be those people no matter what. It’s okay to want stability, but doing something you love gets you up in the morning a lot faster then something that is merely giving you cash to breathe.

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Tova

Great Video Marie :)
I’ve had my takes of criticism. Most recently when I was testing kindle out a few months ago. I put up an e-book to test the system, and see what the process would be like before I put out the book I’ve been working for a year on. Well, it was on a subject I’m passionate about, but I wrote it pretty fast, and my editing skills were not enough. Despite some good reviews, of course I got the bad review on amazon. It sucked for a bit, but I thought ok- get outta my ego that feels hurt, and what can i learn from this? And so I decided I will just have to learn to be a better writer, and hire an editor for my book :) So I did, I hired an editor and my new book is soon to be released, and I know I may still get criticism, but all I can do is take action and learn. And you know what’s funny, its so true, the more you’re in the arena the more criticism you get. You gave Pink as an example, which was great, but I always think about all the criticism the Kardashian sisters get…All I think is, I don’t know any 3 sisters that get along as good as they do! Its F-ing amazing! I wish me and my sisters were that close, lol! ;) Anyways, yes, and I love the whole concept of, only if you’re in the arena, then, maybe then I’ll listen ;)) Thanks for the video :) xo

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Janet Keen

Loved this video. So well presented and so true. I live in Rotorua New Zealand which is quite a small city of 40.000 people.
I have been criticised in my role as an artist, usually by people who felt they were creative and who weren’t being that way. If its an authority figure like a parent or a tutor it just makes me want to try harder. It has annoyed me at times but now I just think to myself , some will, some won’t , so what?.
Interestingly I have been writing a creativity column in my newspaper for the past year and no-one has said anything to my face that is of a negative nature. They have been really positive so I am pleased.

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Crystal Howard

Watching this video today couldn’t have come at a right time in my life!!! Regarding criticism… I have a colleague that continues to create issues with me and today it was extremely to find out that she was criticising me doing something at work that I spent hours figuring out an issue. She wrote about me on her facebook. I kept asking myself today, why is that she cares about me so much to criticize me? I just don’t get it! I have a strong personality and come across a confident person and always put myself out there to try and take initiative to figure things out.. Thanks for the great tips!!! It puts this all into prospective to me!

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Jody Simonian

Today’s topic hit home with me, as if it were meant for me. My hurdle has been the fear of “what other people will think”, of my ideas and path I take with my expertise. What criticism will I receive from people? Who will laugh and think it’s ridiculous. (Now isn’t that silly? Yes!) I know in my heart and mind it doesn’t matter what other people think. I tell my daughters that. It’s tough to break through the fear, mainly because as a child into middle school I was always picked on, ignored and bullied. I have always been successful in life whatever it is I have done, but right now at this point in my life I can’t seem to cross that hurdle and break the barriers. Thank you for today’s tips. I appreciate them immensely!! It’s high time I take action and just do it!

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Fawnie

thank you thank you thank you!!!
As a singer, I deal with criticism all the time. I have also gotten some while starting my business…..but……..I realised that the criticism was coming from the people who were very insecure themselves and that was their way of dealing with how shitty they felt. Ya know? If criticising me helps them feel better then I don’t mind. I am that BIG to say well if it helps you I will sacrifice. On the inside I know that it doesn’t help them to be critical because it doesn’t come from a loving place and they will have to learn the hard way but thats not for me to take care of. Something bigger will help them find their way and I continue to go mine. However saying, “if it helps you to critisize, then ok” helps me not get hurt by their remarks.And you are right…the true professionals and the the people I admire don’t say critical stuff…the say helpful stuff.
Love your stuff by the why!
Fawnie

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Mariana

Love it!!!! I’m always looking forward to whatch your videos, your advices are so powerful and helpful!

Thanks Marie :)

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Stacie

Ha! The poor dark chocolate made me giggle :)

I’m totally with you on this Marie – in fact, when I struggle with criticism (my own or others’) I often remind myself of something you said in B-school, about how you have folks who filter negativity on your team.

It struck me, because the work that you (and all of us) have to do in the world is too important to be slowed or held back by others’ fears and judgements.

And yes, there is also so much POSITIVITY in the world – when we choose to focus on that, everything shifts..

This doesn’t mean, of course, that negative judgements don’t affect me. Just that I’m practicing hearing it, looking for any wisdom in in, then moving on to things that bring me ‘up’ so I can be alignment with my message.

I think you are a shining example of this in the world, Marie, so thanks for teaching and modeling it to those of us who need to hear it!

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mossa

i just like seeing you talk. i like the way you look.

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Susan de Vriend

This is an excellent video and great tips. Something I needed today! Often I cower behind the criticism or rather, the fear of being criticized instead of forging ahead with my ideas or goals. Similar to another commenters statement about perfection, I tend to go over things again and again to “perfect” them in an attempt to not be criticized. The end result is that I begin to not trust my intuition or my ideas therefore nothing gets accomplished. This was an important Q&A video. Thank you to the questioner and Marie for this video!

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Annette Bjerre Ryhede

GREAT video Marie

Awesome great!!!! When I first started my spiritual journey, it was the most liberating fact I suddenly was presented with, that other peoples opinions were in fact not about me, but about themselves. It changed my world around! It liberated me AND It has made me a better friend, because now I know, that when they are commenting about my life and what I am doing, they are in fact talking about themselves. This means I can fell if something is wrong or they don’t feel good about something, I can ask them about this and understand them better instead of starting to defend myself AND I also know to just answer with well this is what is right for me/ I am happy so don’t worry, etc. :)

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Vivienne

Your post this week had perfect timing. I watched it yesterday and then this morning I received an email from a masseur I have given (not sold) products to, to try. And she pretty much picked on everything. Thanks to you, the criticism didn’t knock me sideways – I have many customers who love my products so I focussed on them and put the criticisms on a back burner. I will address her issues in time….. if she does want to proceed with using my products…. but, at the moment, she is not a priority.

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Dejana

Hi Marie,
Thanks for this video! Also, I love the space after- so many amazing, authentic, successful people, love the wisdom and experienced shared!
I’ve faced criticism in my store early this year. I wanted to improve the productivity and efficiency of the team, and of course it wasn’t accepted easily. At one point everyone was hating me, and the biggest blow came from the manager as he wasn’t supportive either. It was really hard. While I did a lot of soul searching, talked to people openly about what I need to change in my approach, I also started using affirmation ‘I am aware’. In few crucial moments, when I jumped to criticise myself and wonder what I’m doing wrong, it brought me back to my center and I realized that actually they are ALL wrong, and none of them have the vision, the drive, the courage and the awareness of how to move things forward. Fast forward few months, i built a team of people that takes responsibility for their job, know what they’re doing, there’s no slacking or bullying. We went to win several awards. I left that company, but I left a team that’s organized, care what they do and are easily managed. Lesson learned- criticism shows us where we are not aligned with our true self.

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Rebecca Johnson. The Plant Rich Life

Thanks as always Marie for the deep topics that get to the point. And the community for the conversation. This one really hits home, as so many do. For years, I have wasted time, opportunities and energy, all because of a lack of ability to address the voice of external and internal critics. In the last two years I have been introduced to folks like Marie who have helped me to make moves outside of that box. In that process which continues today I was able to grasp the the real problem and solution to address any kind of criticism is Love. Whether it is my voice to muself or to another, or theirs to me, the only true measure of value is if love is applied. Learning to put love first will soften criticism or even dissipate it altogether whether it’s coming in or going out. Adding love when the critics ahow up increases compassion and understanding preventing bitterness. That way the cycle of criticism is broken. Then I am free to go on and create in love without any baggage from having encountered criticism. I grew up this year realizing that criticism is a part of life but I also found the only true antidote – Love.

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Merina Madeleine

Hey Marie,

Perfect timing! I just had a criticizing story circulate like wildfire about me here in Morocco, and I shared your video and the story on my blog this morning. Listening to you lifted my spirits again and filled me with the inspiration and courage to continue to go for it, FULL ON!

All the best,
Merina

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Petra Schwehm

Oh my goodness, I LOVE your videos and your tips and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of this journey with you and B-School.
Love & Light,
Petra

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Charlene

Great subject this week!

It has taken me much self-reflection and personal growth to get to a point where I can now produce something without fear.

I know in my heart that what I produce comes from my best intentions, with all that I can offer. I know it will benefit many people. I also know some may not agree.

I can now produce something and put it out there with no attachment to the outcome. How it is received is not up to me. With this frame of mind… I am happy to produce and release:)

Cheers!
Charlene

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Bonnie

Thank you.

Seriously, I just got ripped to shreds with bad reviews from a past client. And I’m definitely a people-pleaser so this was extremely difficult for me to swallow. As much as I try not to take it personally, it’s very stressful and makes me second guess myself as a photographer.

Your videos are so well written, researched and perfectly timed. Thank goodness for you and your team…

Bonnie

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Kate

Dear Marie, I ‘d like to express my enthusiasm about this video. It’s great, it helped me to realize that I’m stronger than criticism. Much stronger. You inspired me!!! Thanx a lot. God bless you))))

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Justine

Great, great, great video. As a Holistic Nutritionist (and RD, trained in the “western” world) I get challenged OFTEN on my alternative perspectives on nutrition and wellness…especially from DOCTORS! They are extremely intelligent and know a lot so this can sometimes weigh heavy on me, “Are they going to approve?”, “Will they agree with me?”, “Wait, is my info really correct?” SO, what do I do? I study and study so that when they try to tell me I’m crazy, I’ve got the knowledge to back it up and the confidence to boot! I have to remember that not everyone will agree with me and not everyone will follow, but those who do are going to experience the life and health they’ve always dreamed of. Period.

Thanks Marie! You rock!

Justine C.
alowellness.com

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Genevieve from The Oval Table Community for Women

Fantastic episode Marie – those two quotes were absolutely wonderful and the dark chocolate with hurt feelings made me laugh out loud :)

I was fearful of criticism for a long time – and judgement too – I received plenty of both from friends and family UNTIL I began truly doing what I loved. It wasn’t a case that folks saw me following through and stopped with the judgement and criticism – it was that I was too darn happy to care what they were thinking or saying! That then came off in my approach to receiving both, then it stopped all together when they realized that what they were saying was, as you put it, irrelevant. Thank you for this great Q&A Tuesday xo

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Theresa

Wonderful!

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Ann

This is so relevant to me this week; in talking with my life-coach–the subject we’ve been working on is related to criticism, but self criticism is my downfall. I’m my own worst critic to the point that sometimes I will defeat myself before I even start a project.
It’s definitely a work-in-progress subject for me!

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Heidi / Frantic But Fabulous

What a great topic for discussion!

None of us likes to be criticized. It feels like a personal attack on us and our worth as people.

I wish I could say I was immune, but what I find does help is to remember that the comment almost always is a reflection more of the critic than of me. I’ve got so many more ways to use my mindspace than to waste it on negative comments.

In a bit of happy serendipity, Seth Godin’s post today says this: “Instead of working so hard to prove the skeptics wrong, it makes a lot more sense to delight the true believers. They deserve it, after all, and they’re the ones that are going to spread the word for you.” (http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/07/proving-the-skeptics-wrong.html)

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rae / armommy

oh, this was an amazing episode! needed to hear this… by far the thing i struggle with the most…

but what IF the judgement is coming from family? there are two critical and judgmental people in my life that i also love very much. sometimes i don’t do, share, or go for things that i believe would help my business grow because i don’t want them to think less of me.

not sure how to love and care about someone, but not care what they think about me without walking away from the relationship?

thoughts?

xo . rae

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Nubiana Love

lol..what’s up I’m checking in? I got your e-mail, yes I love being a boss…..

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Sarai G

This is one of my favorite Marie Tv’s! I face criticism constantly as I journey on as a freelance writer. Most people in my realm don’t really “get” what I do, so there is constant criticism and negativity abounding. I am completely in love with writing though, and that in itself helps me brush away the critics. I have a passion that I am fortunate enough to be able to follow and I know that my work has positive effects on many that read it. I write for everyone who wants to read….and I write for MYSELF. Thanks for the tips Marie! :o)

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Megan

You’ve outdone yourself with this episode Marie! Fantastic and very encouraging!

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Coach Linda

I worked for a broker who taught me, when criticism comes my way, to say: “hmm, that’s interesting. I’m curious, can you tell me more about why you think or feel this way?” And then listen, with curiosity.

She taught me that I might learn something interesting or important about me or my business; and that at the very least, I would learn something about them!

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Susan de Vriend

Excellent advice! In the past I would use a variation of just saying “Hmm interesting.” whenever criticized. This is effective because it makes the other person pause and reflect WHY that might be which brings it back onto them. Its a vague word, interesting, that can mean just about anything depending on who delivers it and how. I like the added question “can you tell me more….”.

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Dawn B. Dwyer

I love your boss. What a smart person she is. It is not about jealousy, nor feeling better about themselves all the time, particularly when they are offering a solution … sometimes it is about helping you to become even bigger than you already are. They want to be a part of it by helping you to see something you are missing that will take you to the next level. It is important to be open to that gift when it comes your way.
http://youtu.be/1yk8bmgNmcA

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Berrak Bolluk

Hi Lovely Marie,

There goes your Turkish fan again. I loved this video so much because I have been criticisized for being myself allllll my life. When I was younger criticism hurted me so bad that I felf like my life is over. Now and especially after watching this video I realized that I got all the criticism from people WHO do nothing and are scared to death from being themselves. When I was launching my first business I was so scared I would be criticised so I stopped the whole process. However all this fear could not stop me. About a year ago I launched another business and now my website (above mentioned) is somewhat done. After watching this video I will never think about criticism the same way. I love you Marie for being such a successful coach and an inspiration for all of us.

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Hanna Horner

I absolutely SUCK at dealing with criticism. I used to retreat for DAYS and lick my wounds.. I second guessed myself – and questioned whether or not it’s all worth it.. And at some point I bounced back – and realized it’s my Ego taking over. The processing time is shorter every time it happens – but it still happens.. The best advice (other than Marie’s of course) I was given was to remember that the energy that the haters and critics are sending my way – is ONLY energy. I put the label “bad energy” on it – and feel defeated. I could choose to simply accept it as “just” energy – and use it to strengthen myself and my message.. without judgement..
I’m working on it ;)

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Dawn B. Dwyer

Hanna, watch my video it may help you to reframe it a bit.

http://youtu.be/1yk8bmgNmcA

I am so sad that people have such a hard time with this. Sometimes it may just be people trying to help you too.

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Dawn B. Dwyer

Marie,
I don’t want to criticize … tee hee hee but there is another side of this. I explain it in my video. Sometimes it can come as a form or help and love to make you better than you already are.

I recently did a video on this. I find that CRITIQUE has catapulted my career in many ways. So criticism + suggestions = HELP, fastrack to success, love … as remember it is very hard to be on the other side of a criticism too. You don’t want to hurt someone but you may want to help them.

http://youtu.be/1yk8bmgNmcA

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Margaret

Brilliant as always Marie, couldn’t have come at a better time – thank you!

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Jen Duchene

Brilliantly presented. We have been conditioned for so long to function in the world in fear, so judgement scares & motivates us. The irony of life.

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Diana Dorell | Five Star Love Life™ Psychic and Coach

Expanding on what Marie said about knowing that the more you put yourself out there and stand for something, the more critics can appear…

1) It takes COURAGE to take a stand and have strong, unwavering opinions and a mission that moves.

2) This is a Universe of POLARITY. For every person that criticizes you, there is another if not 3X the amount that are so in alignment with your message and cheering for you.

3) When you get clear on your message and vision, the MORE POLARITY you create, the more effective I find your message. I worry more when there’s a mixed bag or I feel like what I’m saying is watered down or neutral because I’m scared of putting it ALL out there.

Great video!

ps: If anyone on here is experiencing self-criticism or outside family or friend criticism about being single or why you’re not in a relationship and you want to be, I have a complimentary Five Star Love Life Kit available right here. http://www.DianaDorell.com

Much Love,
Diana

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Sarah Noel

LOVE this! This is one of my FAVE episodes!
The Teddy Roosevelt quote reminded me of my favorite lyric:
“Yes, I’ll fall before I fly, but no one can say I never tried.” (from JoDee Messina’s song, Was That My Life).

When I had my first teaching job out of college, I was miserable. I didn’t want to keep doing it, and expressed as much at a family gathering once. One of my older cousins admonished me, saying that I wouldn’t get another job if I quit this one… meaning future employers would see me as a quitter and not hire me. You know what I did? I quit anyway! I chose my own happiness over a job and paycheck. And you know what else? I DID get another job, even another teaching job, and was just fine!

I think this is so right… the biggest critics are the scared ones on the sidelines. They’re too afraid to DO something themselves, they want to pull everyone else down with them. For the most part I ignore people telling me I can’t or shouldn’t do something. I do what I want to do, and have no regrets about it. I know many people don’t understand me, and how I can live my life this way…. doing what I want, and not what’s expected of me, or what “society” deems respectable. For example, two years ago I quit my perfectly good, stable, well-paying job in a school (not as a teacher this time, but as an interpreter), to be a writer full-time. Yeah, I’m sure people thought I was crazy, but oh well! It was the right decision for me.

I also agree with Marie that the bigger we get, the more successful we are, the more people will criticize us. Look at the REALLY famous people and how much criticism they get! It’s crazy! Why can’t we all just let each other live our own lives? Do what YOU want to do and BE HAPPY! Spread the LOVE… not the hate and fear!

Sarah

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Tracy Allen

You know…. I learned how to create videos in 2010… never went to school or had any real formal training but, have heard from most people that my work is great! Now, 3 years later, I’ve grown and my work has definitely gotten better but, I still have reminders that I’m not “good enough” yet. There are times I just want to quit and agree with people… “My work isn’t good enough”. I sometimes have to crawl into my shell (Cancer the sensitive Crab here) and once I’m bored in there, I come back focusing on what I AM good at. Gurl… it’s a struggle but, there’s an audience for everything and everyone. I just have to keep going so I can build my audience for those that believe in me cause “I” believe what I have is beyond “good enough”.

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Kay Ross

Great video, thanks Marie. One of my favorite quotes is by Winston Churchill: “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

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Jackie

Great video, Marie! Very encouraging. :)

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Daphne

Marie, thank you, thank you, thank you for doing this episode! GREAT Action Steps!

I have to say, I let criticism stop me at a very early age. I was very harshly bullied at school from the time I was 6 until 15 ( when I left high school, later to get myself into University). I let others’ opinions and critiques of me and my worth define, largely, who I was for a very very long time. I must admit that, though I have come a long way in the last 12 years, I still deal with those judgmental voices sometimes, often…maybe every day on some level.

Now at 27 though, I have created a life that takes me from Canada to Peru every 4 months, I finally have the courage to let my true nature shine. It took me getting very deep into a Yoga community in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, with its super supportive and loving people, for me to “come out of my shell” a few years ago.

That being said, I still struggle, and I’m currently looking into different energy healing modalities ( healing the luminous energy field) as well as Neuro-Linguistic Programming to finally, once and for all, get rid of those old programs that tell me I’m ” too fat” ” not smart enough” “not worthy”, ” not talented enough” etc. Because the fact of the matter is, I am currently getting two amazing businesses up and running, and I know that some people will criticize me, and I cannot let that negatively affect me or knock me down and off my path as it has done before. I am ready to let go of the “old tape” of criticism.

Marie, I have to thank you and your beautiful community of TeamForleo and the B-school group that I am honoured to have just joined. You have created a community of positive, go-getting, soul-fire, kick-ass, wonderful people who create an atmosphere of safety and encouragement, especially for those of us who are ultra-sensitive and need that extra support. Thank you so much for what you do. You are a beautiful, bright shining light in this world!

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tara

Hi Marie.

I loved the quote that you had in your video from Teddy Roosevelt. Thank you so much for sharing it. I am really struggling with some creative work right now and this was really inspiring. Do you have the text available? I’d love to paste in in my writing book.

Thanks for your great work

Tara

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Joseph

Hi Marie,
Thanks very much for your episode,
Yes, its sometimes hard to deal with criticism, because it overpowers but one has to focus on the main goal he or she is after in order to be successful.
While in my higher institute of learning,one of my friend used to quote me that I have a recurring memory, he said that isn’t good to be with such memory , he told me to think big or aim high so that I can keep updated. it was hard for me whenever I faced such a situation which limited me from achieving my goals, right now, whenever I think of what I failed in the past, it weakens me but thanks that you’ve given me the medicine.
thanks,
Joseph Tom.

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Dahlia

Amazing video, very empowering just what I needed thank you!

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Wilma

Dear Marie,

Nice episode! I heard a really tweetable quote in this episode: “The majority of the time the people who are your harshest critics are creative cowards” Very true!
Sometimes however we can tremendously benefit from criticism. I wonder, could you also do an episode on when we should listen to our critics?

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Terry Pappy

Great topic, Marie. I find that the inner critic is also what often kicks off this “worry of what others think” because none of us want to look bad or be disliked. Amazing how this is ingrained in us as children – so whenever I hear that voice that triggers the inner critic, I say to myself, “So what? They’d likely never be interested in what I have to offer anyway, so why does it matter?” Thanks for reminding us that it really doesn’t matter what others think!

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Arlene Schindler

As the author of a recently released novel, The Last Place She’d Look, I’ve started to encounter controversy, and haters in the form of blogging reviewers who think my book has either too much sex or the wrong kind of sex.
I’m glad that the book impacted them enough that they felt compelled to write about it, even in the form of a complaint.
Someone once compared sex to pizza. So if my book were a pizza, it would either be too much pizza or the wrong kind of pizza? To pizza lovers that doesn’t sound too bad.
Some of the best pizza is from Brooklyn NY as am I. In Brooklyn we have a motto, “Little dicks make the most noise.” To me this means that people who have a “smallness” in any way have to complain. This motto provides me great consolation in the face of controversy and negative criticism.

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Sharon

This is so awesome!

This helped me in my situation right now. People can just throw all the stinky words that they want you to hear without thinking your feelings. Someone just criticized me and said all the foul words that she has thought of because I turned down a project with her friend.

If I will absorb and believe everything she said, it will faint me and will down my self respect.

I took all the tips that Marie Forleo said in this video and it settled my soul.
Thank you so much Marie,
Sharon

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brigitte

this is the number one aspect that i feared the most about being a leader! i now see how it doesn t serve me or the world to let it hold me back! gratitude for your wisdoms & insightsxxbrigitte

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Dodie Jacobi

Early career success had me in a limelight before I had the fortitude to endure criticism without impact. It took me years to even consider stepping forward again – in part because I had created a killer quality of life I didn’t want jeopardized by the peskiness of even minor celebrity. But in truth too, because I didn’t want to have to say no to the many opportunities that come from visibility for fear of being criticized when I did so. Your blog and others have helped me get in sync with these fears, to have a toolkit of lingo and mojo ready to manage what is not in my realm. I’m stepping up and out, and as unwanted solicitations and attention appear, I’m finding an easy clarity that makes the polite no easy and my fear of judgement nil.

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Rocco Distefano

Hey Ladies! Its All about Gratitude! I talk a lot about that here on my appearance on PI with Joseph Ernest Martin and Cindy Greyson!
Hugs and Light to Each of You :-)

https://vimeo.com/70298817

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Erin

Hell yeah I have been criticized! I was criticized for just being myself in college…nothing illegal, immoral or unethical about it. Just for being silly.
What I realized a loonng time ago is that the people who say they do not judge are the most judgmental. And, then, that you cannot call someone judgmental without being judgmental.
They also on the one hand hate conformity and do what ever possible to not conform but then want to be accepted wholeheartedly without pause for discernment.
And quite frankly, many of them are substance abusing douche bags. Which, by the way, are the people who have the most hang ups than anyone else. That is the reason they use. They are not comfortable in their own skin.
But it seems the other way when you are young because they tend to have agreement amongst a crowd of people.

Anyway, love it! Thank you!

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Michael Rich

Keep true to your vision, and passions. Only person who makes me happy is… ME. Only person who can judge me is … ME.

Criticism is natural. Opinions are a dime a dozen.

Its much easier to listen to criticism when you’re at peace with yourself, honest with yourself, and do not judge yourself or others.

I focus on admiring people, rather than judging. I actually put up a personal video of mine on the topic. Feel free to check it out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRmekyP4Ano

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Neil

Dear Marie, all,
One of your many male fans. I let people’s opinion effect what I do and say. Not any more. We all have the right do what feels right.
If we fall, we fall. Get back on that horse and keep on trying.
All the best,
Neil

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Melissa Hager

Loved this episode!! I think just about everyone can relate to this topic, there always seem to be naysayers around when you’re trying to rise to the top and unfortunately some days it seems like there are more people against you than there are for you. Most times I feel like I’m my own worst critic but then I talk to family and friends and realize that some of the harshest criticism comes from those you love. Those are the times that I tell myself to take it with a grain of salt, they just don’t want to see you fall and possibly don’t understand what you’re doing and where you see your future heading. And sometimes if they continue to tear about everything I do I eventually stop sharing my super exciting news with them and share it with people that I know will be supportive before I let it get me down too much! You need to keep a small circle of people around you that are supportive and can see your vision, without them I might be lost!

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Aradia

I really did love watching this episode too as it’s something I have to deal with in both of my businesses. I have faced a lot of criticism over my dreams and what I enjoy doing (my two businesses) from people who don’t see the value in what I’m doing. For me #3 hits hard on this point as it reminds me that I don’t need to listen to those types of people.

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lara

i needed this so much right now! thanks for this Marie!

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Sophia Zoe

I’ve gotten the bulk of my criticism from family. They mocked me relentlessly for the first 15 years of my energy healing career. Then one day, I stopped my niece’s seizure. Suddenly, I wasn’t such a kook.

What gave me comfort all those years was an Arabic saying I read somewhere: “A prophet is without honour in his own house.” I don’t fancy myself a prophet, but the sentiment was relevant.

Also, it’s not just criticism that is simply an opinion; so are compliments. They must be ignored equally, while you carry on being yourself and doing your thing.

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Sarah, Sassafras Collaborative

This is a great topic, Marie. I find that my inner critic is often the worst.

As kind and compassionate as we all tend to be toward others, it seems a shame that we’re so cruel to ourselves.

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Narelle

Hi Marie! I just loved this video! Your advice is amazing, relevant and fabulous to follow. Thank you so much for posting! Love your work xoxo

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Nicole

I recently saw Brene Brown speak and the Teddy Roosevelt quote was key to the title of her book. On the point of criticism, she said “If you’re going to go into the arena then you’re going to get your arse kicked – that’s the only guarantee.”

Although it’s scary, you need to do it to go to the next level and be prepared for people to kick your arse…whether you choose to listen to them, is up to you.

Thanks for your wonderful videos Marie :)

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sarah

Hi Marie, love your video :) Below is my A to your Q.

Sadly, the most terrible criticism I got is actually from my dad. I guess it’s because I don’t care much about how other people think about me, but whatever my family said to me mattered a lot. I spent 5 years listening to my dad’s comments about how useless I was and how I should lead my life to whatever directions that he approved of. During this whole time, in the beginning I thought I was really not worth of being loved and 100 % buy his ideas that I am never good enough. I didn’t kill myself, though it’s devastating that my beloved parents judged me to the extreme no matter how hard I tried to please them and even lived a life totally someone else’s, I had to go to shrinks because I had to make sure that I have reasons to move on and I might find support there, as I gradually found that maybe I could decide to live a life I want but not what others want from me. I am glad today I have become a better version of me. Also I am very thankful that I joined the B school. Thank you and I hope other girls who are reading this to remember that you create your own value, not others.
Cheers!

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Madeline

Sarah,

Believe me I have been in your shoes and I what I have done was I deleted myself from many conversions. I started to keep everything short and simple. I kept many thing about my life private and to myself. I started searching for information online to help me through whatever I needed help on like books, blogs and podcast.

When you give people information your giving them permission to give there two sense on whatever you are talking about. So, now my response when people ask me how is everything I say “All is well.” This way I am not opening a can of warms of their negative thought and I can leave with a smile :) .

Madeline Yau

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Alicia Washington

I have had a lot of criticism lately but I realize that when you put yourself in front of an audience you will be subject to this. I took it with a grain of salt because I knew that it was untrue. Even though I am somewhat new in this game, I am starting to appreciate what it really means to have tough skin. Something that I thought I never had but am learning to develop now. The truth is that everybody is a critic, including me. Why not welcome the good with the bad. It is not going to stop me. Hopefully it will just make me stronger!

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Madeline

Alicia,

It will get you stronger and much more focus on what you believe and really want. I don’t have anything right now but in my thoughts and vision I have it all. That’s what keeps me going. Stay positive and keep forward.

Madeline

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Erin

I have been looking through your archives to get some advice about a really sticky situation I’ve been in, and this video was so helpful for me.

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Madeline

Don’t you love when you search and you find. When I am in search of something through confusion or looking for some type of information I enjoy when someones message lifts me up or gives me what I was looking for.

Madeline

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Madeline

Hey Everyone,

You know I really didn’t care about anyone opinion until I got sick and dealt with a lot in my health. In May of 2012, I finally pack up and left my 8 year apartment to relocate and well everything went down hill from there. I became sick and dealt with a lot of emotions and closed myself in to my little world, which I have to say the inter-world.

A couple months ago a received my 2nd surgery and now I am focusing on my business, it hasn’t been easy seeing everyone settled in with their family and having everything together. I had a moment in my life that whatever one said or did mattered to me and I felt lost and didn’t have a voice for myself like I use too, when I had everything in place in my life. It was like I was trying to see if someone can lead me to the right path, but then I realized that I have to follow my heart. I limit myself from talking to many people because when I do they love to criticize my thoughts, my life and just how I am living.

Lately, I shut the phone off and find communities like these to inspire me and help me stay focused on my goals and aspirations in life. I am working on a website to help foreign families and investor to relocate to Orlando, FL. That’s my motivations at the moment while I am trying to get my life back on track. So, I guess that’s how I deal with it. I shut off everyone that does not inspire me and I concentrate more on what I want to do.

Madeline Yau

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Dave Romero

Marie, I was first introduced to you by Alexa Fischer. She recommended to take a look at your style of communicating. I was pleasantly surprised with your humor and enthusiasm. Your article reminds me to keep on track no matter the obstacles. Thanks for the inspiration!
Dave Romero

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Kerrie Friend

Awesomenesssssssssssssssssssssssssss <3

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Tony Puulei

Wherever you go, I’ll follow…Congrats!!!!

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